lady of the lake is like. nimue and condwiramurs join their autistic powers to summon ciri, the patron saint of autism

so upset and disgusted my stomach hurty </3

Do you have recommendations for shows/books/whatever with canon/basically canon polyamory?

ok the only media w officially canon polyam i personally consumed are Iron Widow and Hades.

Iron Widow is a mecha scifi/chinese fantasy book, it has pacific rim mechanics, so it takes 2 ppl to pilot the mecha but its more dystopian in that the pilot (male) usually drains the life force of his concubine (female). the mc has a guy shes interested in from the start but she pushes him aside to seek her goals to become a concubine pilot (theres a very good reason for this but i dont wanna give too much away) ends up being forced to work w the most dangerous pilot (spoilers hes actually a misunderstood sweetheart and i love him), her first love somehow finds his way back into her life so he can be their ally and its very clear from the first time he meets the other guy that this bitch is bi af. At one point he literslly saves their lives and i wont elaborate on that cause again spoilers but someone mentioned it in a propaganda ask. They canonically fall in live w each other and start dating. Please look up the trigger warnings first cause theres some heavy subjects addressed in this book. The book itself has trigger warnings listed at the start so if u find it at a book store u can check them this was too.

Hades is a roguelike videogame w dating sim mechanics (ish) -you give gifts to characters to learn more about them, and theres two romance options but you can romance both at once, they're both aware of and okay with it, hinting that they mightve had a past even before zagreus was born (its greek gods one is death incarnate the other is one of the furies, they've basically existed since forever)

From the submissions I got:

ive been told Leverage is like the korrasami of polyam, as in they were as polyam as they could be in a show from 2010, so it sounds like its canon but not explicit because they couldnt get away with that.

The girls from Amphibia are apparently in a similar situation, heavily implied canon, someone told me it was confirmed by people who worked on the show, but i dont think its explicitly stated.

The Kane Chronicles apparently also has canon polyam, although its 2 bodies, cause I think one of them has a god in him or something? I never read the books, but I was told Sadie (i think thats her name? The girl) is in love w both of them, and kinda dating both too i think?

I dont know if Singing in the Rain is canon but theres that kiss gif that got prrtty popular on tumblr where kathy kisses one of the guys then the other, so it looks canon? or at least implied canon?

Sense8 as some people have mentioned has 1 officially confirmed to be canon throuple, 1 that has a lot of hints to confirm but a lot of ppl see it as a gay couple w a very supportive friend ig and someone else said in general because of the plot u could kind of see the 8 of them as a big polycule, although that one isnt canon

HoneyWorks/Heroine Tarumono is one of those songs turned novel turned anime. i dont think its confirmed canon but theres a lot of stuff pointing to the possibility, you mightve see @non-fantasy telling me about them in a few asks. im obsessed and ive yet to watch anything

Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel has Rilla/Sir Damien/Lord Arum, i also haven't listened to this one but a lot of people told me rilla and damien were in a pre-established relstionship, both got crushed on lord arum separately, talked about it and worked things out to now be a canon polycule

im She-Ra (netflix) theres a trio that is implied to be a polycule at the end, a lot of ppl called them canon in the notes but i dont personally ember it being confirmed? i am very forgetful tho. It's Rogelio/Kyle/Lonnie, unfortunately they lost the prelim round

I believe people submitted some others that were canon but im very forgetful so i cant remember right now

I think one of the things I actually like about Fang Duobing's and Di Feisheng's relationships to Li Lianhua is that they don't get him all the way, but truly understand a specific part of him.

The part that Fang Duobing gets is they both have a genuine desire to do good. I'd also argue that both of their ideas of good can be hypocritical and inconsistent in similarly emotional ways. I think Li Lianhua becomes truly interested in Fang Duobing for the first time when he tries to get justice for those unrelated guards, and over and over it's shown they share each other's overall goals even when they're supposedly not working together. They share the same broad ideal.

But Fang Duobing has a very different view of their current world and what people owe each other- twice in the conversation at his shiniang's house Fang Duobing brushes off Li Lianhua's regret, and especially earlier in the story he sees the world as something that can easily be reverted back to righteousness through personal effort- the difference between becoming a detective and trying to change the institutions of the world by founding a court. Li Xiangyi saw the world's structure as something that needs correcting, and while he gives that up Li Lianhua sees how circumstances push people. This makes perfect sense; Li Lianhua was orphaned and treated unfairly, only rescued by others while Fang Duobing is a rich kid whose struggles (being sick) were overcome by personal effort (and expensive medicine, which he would take for granted) which rings as ableism to me as a plotline but im not disabled so idk

Di Feisheng gets this other half- he intimately knows how viscerally cruel and unfair the world is, and so he gets Li Xiangyi's need for excellence and control issues and Li Lianhua's sometimes cold eyed assessment of things. But he wasn't rescued nor allowed to save others so he sees that cruel world as something he can act honorably within but whose dog eat dog nature he can't change- be a swordsman not a hero.

Neither of them get how Li Lianhua's drive for good and his knowledge of the world's injustice create guilt for his what too bold actions (which FDB endorses) in a cruel world (which DFS sees as inevitable) resulted in, driving him to egotistically and self destructively attempt to "finish his business". They also didn't truly get his love of a simpler life, his exhaustion with pain and striving, and how he was ready to let go. In part because he never told them that in a way that wasn't tainted with guilt or lies my guy stop saying it in ur bs tone and just say how ur feeling i swear to

So neither of them really understood him fully, which is human especially when someone's lying to you 24/7 li lianhua im in ur walls. Understanding something fundamental about someone doesn't mean comprehending their every thought.

I think what makes Fang Duobing closer to understanding him in the end is that he was trying so hard to listen and understand Li Lianhua, constantly trying to meet him three quarters of the way there. That's why I'm obsessed with that conversation at Madam Qin's- Fang Duobing misunderstood and denied his regret once then twice, then said, fine, you're right. You should've tried harder in that relationship, and I should've tried harder in ours. We already said we're friends. I was wrong for the moment where I wasn't reaching out for you. But Li Lianhua never reached back.

i finally finished the fallout show, so here are my thoughts. i will talk about both things i enjoyed and things i didn't enjoy. be aware that i'm one of Those west coast fallout fans so this will be bethesda-critical, although it's never my goal to be a hater or make fans of bethesda games feel bad for enjoying them.

spoilers for not only the show, but most fallout games ive played, which includes: fallout, fallout 2, fallout 3, and fallout: new vegas

lets start with the positive!

things i enjoyed:

the aesthetics: it just plain looks good. it matches the games pretty accurately, it brought the world of fallout to this new medium very well. visually, it definitely looks like fallout, and i thought it had some nice cinematography and shot framing. i like that it was never too dark to see what was going on, i like that it was fairly vibrant even with the unavoidable Brown Wasteland, Metal Grey Vault palettes. the costumes were great. i liked how the people looked realistic for the world they're living in. i would have liked cooper to be more standard ghouly, but after having seen the full show, i'm fine with it. the ghouls have a lot of range, physically, and it does make sense for cooper to be more human-like because he's actively preserving himself, and probably did so pre-war as well. all in all it was visually great

the main characters: lucy is a fantastic main character. i love how shaped she is from living in vault 33 specifically, with her moral compass, view of the world, social uniqueness, and relationship with sex. i adore that she's such a positive person, always wanting to see the best in others and make the best of any situation, but that doesn't mean she can't get hurt and angry, can't fight when she has to. she's fun and badass, i really like her. maximus is just as complex, shaped by the brotherhood instead of the vault--again, moral compass, view of the world etc all coloured by where he's spent most of his life, just in a different way from lucy. more grey, more skewed, more manipulated, in my opinion, even though of course vault 33 was quite manipulated as well. his struggle with identity is awesome. i like how both of them are a little weird, a little socially unhinged, and majorly biased about the world. i enjoyed maximus' struggle and journey with coming into his own. i'll be eager to see that continue in s2. cooper took me almost the ENTIRE season to warm up to. at first he was the kind of character i found interesting, but difficult to like. right from the start, you know he wasn't always like this, and 200 years in the wasteland has understandably changed him, but i was still very "fuck this guy, hes a prick and he annoys me" for most of the show. the final episode finally tipped me over onto the "okay yeah im properly into this character now" side. he's definitely layered, just takes a bit to see more than the outer one that makes him just look like... a major piece of shit. i love a dark character as much as the next guy, but i prefer if it Makes Sense, and i didn't fully get him until the last ep. eager to see how he develops going forward as well. don't have a lot to say about norm, i just really like him. hell yeah fuck shit up, little bro

the side characters: betty and stephanie fascinate me, especially after learning who they really are. moldaver is SO COOL and a milf for real oh my god i'm a little obsessed. thaddeus surprised me with his depth. ma june was really cool and felt sort of quintessential fallout to me. even just the one-off people of the wasteland were really interesting to me. they were real people with a place in this world, no matter how small. (you'll notice i havent mentioned dane, even though being nb myself, a nb character should be a big deal to me. well. i still dont entirely know how i feel about dane, unfortunately)

the vault lore: from start to finish, i was HOOKED on everything to do with the vaults. the concept of 3 vaults being connected and able to trade with each other when necessary was interesting. i liked the concept of vault 33 and how it gave the characters a different culture about relationships and sex. then i enjoyed the suspense of the lie unravelling, of following norm's arc of defying what he'd been raised with to figure everything out. it was very tense and mysterious.

vault lore part 2: historically, i've not been a fan of pre-war society actually being shown. didn't like that they did that in fo4, though part of that could be that i just massively dislike the choices they made for it, including how it locked the player too much into an unchangeable (heterosexual) backstory. i guess i'm not fully against the pre-bomb time being shown as long as it's lore-friendly, and i'm pleasantly surprised that the show was pretty lore-friendly indeed. not entirely. i have some major gripes that i will get into later, but i liked the tension and intrigue of the big corporations doing their gross capitalism shit, and cooper finding out just how fucked up they are. the idea of the vault ownership being split up between different companies and therefore different ideals so "the best ideas of how to continue civilization can win" was interesting! i think it's more grounded to say that most vaults were trying to make something viable for the future, not just fucked up experiments for the sake of it, but the ideas were extreme and many doomed to failure. i wouldn't even say this is a retconn, a lot of the vaults, even the ones that got really messed up, can be viewed as an attempt at making something good, just with amoral methods

how the brotherhood was portrayed: FINALLY bethesda has written the brotherhood in a way more reflective of what they're supposed to be. the brotherhood are not the ultimate heroic knights in shining armour. they're not just a grandstanding military faction. caveat that i don't know the fo4 brotherhood personally, but fo3!brotherhood was so incomprehensible. in fo1, the brotherhood is reclusive and focused on technological / scientific information. they are a force to be reckoned with when convinced to take good action, but they're on the insular side. in fo2, they're a destroyed shadow of what they were, with barely any presence. in fnv they're even more reclusive, entirely xenophobic to anyone outside of the brotherhood and further stuck in their ways. you can help them improve, but there are cult vibes. and the show? i am impressed by how they focused on those cult vibes! the brotherhood doesn't have to be 100% the same every time when there's a lot of geography between chapters and different points in the last 200 have different needs, different goals and enemies, but the brotherhood should, imo, always be a grey area. when lucy asked "this is good right, the brotherhood are the good guys?" and maximus and thaddeus were like....... eh... it's. a complicated organization. THATS THE REAL SHIT. complex. a bit uncomfortable because they're reclusive and teach their people biased ideas of the wasteland. an ideology that makes sense in-verse, but isn't a simple dichotomy of good or bad. some parts of it were uncomfortable for me in a "well thats an odd writing choice" but most of it was uncomfortable in the way the brotherhood is SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable, and i am here for that

the scene where maximus comes clean to lucy and she accepts him, because she's learned how complicated the surface world is, and she has been travelling with him enough to see who he really is

the fnv theme cue when the ncr flag was shown. got me emotional fr

lucy is down to fuck and i LOVE that for her. it's great to see a female main character be so into sex without it being for any reason other than... she thinks sex is good and fun

the lucy/maximus ship. im officially on team "people who say its boring and lacking in chemistry might be not giving the black character the consideration he deserves because of internalized racism" sorry

i can ALSO get behind the lucy/cooper ship, after the last episode. it feels like theyre on somewhat even ground now. i can go for a begrudging allies pair. they should have rough, angry sex and remind each other it doesn't mean anything after and then they both go and pine and/or brood about the people they wish they were with, or wish they were with but in a happier story

the music in general

cx404 my beloved <3

things i did not enjoy:

the biggest issue is, of course, the way the show completely fucked with and/or retconned fallout: new vegas. in my opinion, it was very disrespectful, to the point where it's hard to see it as anything but maliciously intentional for mr. todd 'liar' howard to literally nuke the center of west coast fallout's world. it feels scummy. it feels tone deaf. it feels like a kid stomping on another kids sand castle at the beach because all they understand is destruction and coming out on top. and it also makes NO sense. the show says shady sands was bombed in 2277, which is the year of the first battle of hoover dam, and 4 years before the start of fnv. it renders everything in fnv void. the thing is that shady sands is just one small part of the ncr--in fo1, its a small farming village just getting started and a couple generations later in fo2, it isnt even recognizable as shady sands anymore, its just. The New California Republic. it's huge! it's sprawling! bombing a single city wouldn't have wiped out the ncr--and even the show acknowledges this with vault 4 and moldaver's people--but it's still too significant a calamity that fnv could have happened the way it did proceeding it. you can't just add an event like this and think it'll work when no one in fnv mentions it, when it can't retroactively impact the ncr's future that is already shown. and even though the show does allow that remnants of the ncr have survived, they didn't do it in the way that makes sense, in my opinion. what would make sense is having an entire nation losing its capitol, but the rest being able to continue on. it doesnt make sense for them to become what they did in the show, nor having it be a non-issue during fnv. the ncr could not have had a continued presence in the mojave if that nuke really happened. ive seen pieces of articles and such about how they were careful to follow the timeline and "dont worry, fnv still happened!" but.... they most certainly did not follow the timeline, and what they did utterly fucks up fnv's narrative

the answering of the question "who fired the first bomb". while i enjoyed the backstory, i did not enjoy this question being answered. the point of fallout is not who was right and who was wrong. the point isnt about there being a good side, a bad side, a justification for anything. the point is that nuclear bombs are horrific and what happened to the world is the ultimate tragedy. and it's about communities still being able to rise from the ashes and make something real. it's about people being able to survive and thrive. yes, conflict persists, but the world has not ended, and in west coast fallout, entire cities have grown up from nothing to take on a way of life all on their own, different from the pre-war days, but no longer weighed down by the tragedy, either. east coast fallout is post-apocalypse. west coast fallout is post-post-apocalypse. it's supposed to be post-post-apocalypse, and who dropped the bombs does not matter. the point is that war never changes--but people do. the old world is gone, what happened happened, and society has to move on. answering the question of who dropped the bombs serves no narrative purpose

and if america dropped the bombs on themselves--what does that mean for the rest of the world? of course, we have never known if the rest of the world is still out there continuing as normal, but making the bombs in america an inside job has new implications for china's part in everything. i do wonder if the shift away from the american-chinese conflict is a sensitivity issue. i'm not knowledgeable enough on the topic to speak on it further

robert house's potential/likely character assassination: the best way i could possibly read it is that house was being reticent about his true feelings because it wouldn't have been very tactful to oppose an entire room of capitalism moguls. but his part in planning the bombs is, if taken at face value, utterly opposed to his actual goals as stated in fnv. i want to believe he was just flying under the radar to get information. but it either doesnt make sense, or we dont have the full story yet, because house's intentions were to save new vegas from the bombs, and he wasn't able to save the entire area, which he should have been able to do if in the know, and he also would have been able to get the platinum chip on a better timeline if he was in the know. i'm trying to reserve judgement in case they elaborate on him in s2, but s1!house is.... not fnv!house

needed more pre-existing rad creatures. i'm guessing the bear was supposed to be a yao guai even though they didn't name it, but the gulper was new, and i wouldve liked to see geckos, maybe nightstalkers or cazadors if possible, just... anything properly reminiscent of west coast fallout. based on the final scenes, i'd like to think we'll see deathclaws in s2. please.

sometimes there were bouts of confusing / weird writing. episode 6 in particular had me a bit "what the fuck is going on and why are certain characters acting like this????". the scene where maximus reveals himself to thaddeus was also lackluster in my opinion. i think it should have been drawn out at least a bit. maximus trying to explain, thaddeus being conflicted--not just an immediate flip. it's hard to believe maximus would injure thaddeus THAT badly without trying something else first. whiplash for real. maximus was a little weird in vault 4 and i genuinely don't know what vibe they were going for. at first i thought he'd been drugged and the people there were going to experiment on him. (also how did cooper NOT SEE the "test subjects" over the door when he was doing the vault-tec ad? i dont remember if the name plate was shown in the commercial itself but i sure hope not or, uhhh... people would have known something bad was up). it was just a bit ??? for me, that whole damn episode. what was with the ncr remnants acting Like That? i don't get it and it was never addressed again? am i just supposed to believe that a couple decades or whatever separated from the ncr society has turned them into a cult? what association do they even have with moldaver anymore? its all so weird and unexplained. and if moldaver opposed vault-tec, how did she end up in cryo with them? i guess she didn't actively walk away from it? maybe im missing something here

on that note, the portrayal of the ncr: moldaver and her people end up being ncr but they were played the whole time like raiders. only for the end of the show to have moldaver's settlement be totally normal people just living their lives. what the hell? and the vault 4 people, again, were unsettling and confusing, i don't understand what i'm supposed to take away from this. i suppose the point is that time has changed both groups, and moldaver's been pushed to extremes, but the framing was just.... weird and iffy for me. it's a far cry from the ncr i'm used to

final thoughts:

i did overall enjoy the show, but i suppose, as they say about games like fo4, "it was a good show, but it wasn't a good fallout show". i was pleasantly surprised in a lot of ways, but the fact remains that bethesda misses, or disregards, the whole point of fallout. often they go directly against the original message of fallout. most modern fallout just isn't what it was when it started or what it is when created by people who were there at the beginning. it's painful being a west coast fan specifically, sometimes, because todd is always finding new ways to massacre my boy. but if i pretend this isn't canon and that it has no bearing on one of my favourite games, if i look at it just as it is instead of something that hinges with a bunch of other stories... it was surprisingly enjoyable. i just have to turn off the part of my brain that wants to fight mr howard in the dennys parking lot at 4am

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

ohhh thank you for this question! mmm let's try this, im trying to mix fandoms and not repeat them:

kamala khan from marvel comics: she's the first character i found that i could relate to somehow in mainstream media and i love how complex and brave she is. she's so inspiring to me and growing up with her has been a unique experience, i hold her dear to my heart.

yuuji itadori from jujutsu kaisen: THAT'S MY SON!!!!! i love him so much, he's like that type of character that it's just THE SUN !!!!! i want to keep him safe in my pocket so nothing bad ever happens to him!!! he''s so brave, the fact he decided to enroll jujutsu high only because he wanted to save people, he wanted to do good things askdsjfnj my baby for real <3

sydney adamu from the bear: i love how determined she is. like. she still faces struggles and downs but she is determined to reach her goal and that is so inspiring. plus she's funny and she's played by god herself (ayo edebiri). girlboss of the century.

kate sharma from bridgerton: i fell in love with her reading the book but seeing her played by simone ashley was lifechanging. i am obsessed with her, her dynamic with anthony is one of my fav ships ever (and im usually not into period dramas or period romances), and i can't wait to see more of her. watching bridgerton for kate and kanthony ONLY

bigby wolf from the wolf among us: dude. DUDE. CHARACTER OF ALL TIME. he is a werewolf (i have an insane obsession with werewolves), he is a himbo, he is out there protecting women, he is everything!!!! i love that he is viewed as a dangerous individual yet he is always seeking to do good. idk i love him telltale pls release twau 2 so i can see him

velma dinkley from scooby doo: she is me. i once saw a scooby doo film when i was like 6 and never looked back. she is me. she is bisexual she is a virgo she is a nerd she is obsessed with mysteries she cant see without her glasses she IS ME

spirit from spirit: stallion of the cimarron: one of my fav movies ever, lead by my fav horse ever. he means the world to me and both him and the movie kind of dictated everything i believe in nowadays since i first watched the movie if that makes sense

dinah lance from dc comics: WIFEYYYY even though i have to say i have a complicated relationship with her comics, this was love at first sight. dinah was one of the first dc characters i came across with and i instantly knew she was going to be a fav. i love her powers, her design, her dynamics with other characters and i love her. wish there were more comics that featured a depiction of her that i liked

louis de pointe du lac from interview with the vampire: i am so intrigued by him as a character and i cant wait to see s2 and read the book(s). im referring only to jacob anderson's depiction of the character, btw. im usually not into main characters but there's just something about him that makes me love him. he is so haunted and has gone through so much, it's so interesting to see his journey regarding being a vampire and having this new life.

katniss everdeen from the hunger games: there will never be a leading lady of a young adult saga like her. like. there will NEVER be. she is so complex and so human and so brave and so reserved and all her choices and dlskjmfknfjd. i dont know what else to say dfkjngj.

What MTG Colors are daleks?

obviously in WHO there were constraints based on wanting to find the overall best color for the villains *deck* based on needing to include a variety of different villains and in fitting well in the overall ecosystem with the other three decks. But if they weren't bound by that, what would be the best colors overall for daleks? I can see different arguments for different colors and im curious which you'd pick as the best for them

White definitely feels like a good fit. They're tyrannical conquerors, they're eugenicists bent on forcing their view of how the world should be on others, they're very hierarchical. All of white's worst, most villainous traits can be found in them.

They're either very blue or not blue depending on your philosphy. They're the products of a scientist's pursuit of perfection (from his perspective anyway) and daleks truly believe they have achieved it. Blue is all about the pursuit of greatness and improvement. Can you be blue if after that pursuit you reach a state where there is nothing left for you to pursue? I suppose either way the way they seek the elimination of "inferior" life which is the pursuit of perfection to them, but i still think it's an interesting question.

Black oddly is the one im having the most trouble arguing for. I say oddly because, based solely on vibes, it definitely feels like the most fitting color. Hatred can be black, and it's very very important to daleks, but it can also be white or red depending on various things. Passionate anger is pretty red (and daleks are certainly passionate about it), and the hierarchical hatred of assumed superiority is pretty white. Their means of achieving their goals, mass murder, are also quite black but equality it can be white. There's a reason white and black are the two colors that get "destroy all creatures". Black just doesn't seem to add anything that you don't already get from the other colors. But I guess it highlights really well what aspects you're getting from the other colors and that's why it feels fitting.

Red is also interesting. It's the color of emotion and daleks are known to scorn and suppress all emotion except for hatred, which seems very anti-red. But that highlights that one emotion in particular and makes them come off as really quite emotional, they're very driven by that singular emotional drive.

Finally green. Daleks are very green in a way that's easy to miss. They're very very obsessed with natural superiority and about people being in "their place" in the world. That place being "at the top" for daleks and "dead" for everyone else. They're extreme bioessentialists, which is a very green philosophy. They're just not green in the traditional way.

So what colors should they be (in a vacuum, unbound by set needs)? Not WUBRG, that's for sure. You can make a 5 color argument for most characters but that doesn't mean 5 color is the best way to characterize them because it tells you very little. It comes down to, in broad strokes, what you want to evoke and highlight about them. So what is important? I'd say that they're genocidal fanatics obsessed with eliminating all "inferior" life forms who differ from them in any way. With that in mind, I think I'd go mardu, black-white-red. The genocidal ideation and obsession with hierarchical superiority fit cleanly in white, the all-consuming hatred fits well in red, the passionate fanaticism comes well from the mixture of the two, and black highlights which parts of the color pair you're evoking and the murderous methods of implementation.

tw for pretty heavy discussion of diet, body image, weight, eating disorders etc. and emetophobia

so i grew up overweight. ive been overweight my whole life pretty much, with the exception of maybe 2 years when i was around 19 where i was a little lighter.

im a practical person. im a reasonable person. i grew up a tomboy. i dont like shallowness. i had minimal interest in sex and relationships. i was never rejected for my appearance. looking conventionally attractive has no reason to be a high priority for me

but still

i am completely insane.

there is no other way i can say it concisely. and i suspect that if you did not grow up overweight, perhaps particularly as an overweight girl/afab person, there are some things you just cant understand, because how would you even know?

so yeah, insane. like, obsessive. deluded. unable to fully comprehend reality. i cant tell what i look like most of the time. from the age of about 7 i fantasised daily about being skinny. fantasies about shedding my outer layers and showing everyone. and i wasnt even usually someone who wanted to impress or appease boys or ‘cool’ people. i honestly am not that motivated by what people think of me. yet my goal was always - figure out how to lose weight.

any eyelash i wished on, any 11:11, it was that. i thought about it every day.

and there was honestly no reason for it. it felt like life or death sometimes. i TRIED to have eating disorders. it feels so shameful to admit - i tried and failed. its so easy to imagine how funny that might be to some (mean) people. if i dont eat regularly, i literally get faint in a way that impacts my functioning VERY quickly, and other people can see. my gag reflex does NOT work. and trust me, i have tried. for hours, once. but I cant even do that right. id binge but i couldnt purge. my body would not let me give the food up.

‘i tried to be anorexic but i got too hungry’, ‘i tried to be bulimic but i couldnt purge so i just binged’ sound like sick jokes, like things fatphobic people would say to mock people they think dont try hard enough, because overweight people are lazy.

heres the thing. its good that i wasnt able to develop these disorders. of course it is. they are terrible things and i do not take them lightly. so im glad. im lucky that my body didnt let me. but that didnt stop me from feeling like a failure, feeling frantic and like at least if i could do this people would be sympathetic, bcaus its evidence that i was TRYING, even if it was in a bad way.

the feelings i had about myself and still have...

it impacts everything. its such a massive part of my identity. it stopped me from playing, climbing, doing sports. it stopped me from playing about with style and clothing because trying things on in changing rooms, looking at myself in the mirror, made me so anxious that i would feel physically ill.

and most batshit of all, it made me truly believe that i was a joke. that any room i walked into, people would pity me or be amused by me just at a glance. that i was always viewed by everyone else as just slghtly less human. that if someone was gonna be mocked id be first.

that if i ever did anything silly or made a mistake, it would be made 100x worse by my body - like if i said something awkward, or dressed bad, or came in to class late, or fell over, it wasnt something i could just brush off. because i was already a joke, so this would just add to it. if you are skinny and you get a question wrong in class, thats fine somehow, but if youre chubby and you do the same, you are slotted into the role of ‘stupid *and* fat person’ because everybody knows that stereotype so thats just who you are.

its wack that it doesnt just impact my confidence with sports, or clothing, or people finding me attractive, but literally EVERYTHING.

it feels like as long as youre fat, ANYTHING you do could potentially have a laugh track put over it. falling, crying, laughing, dancing, getting hit by a car, it doesnt matter.

and that is an INSANE way to feel. especially aged like, 10.

i lost some weight when i was 18 but i didnt feel different. i didnt feel more worthy or like i was a better person. i wasnt more deserving of love and respect. i just had more time and some money for a gym membership, and had little by way of responsibilties so didnt stress eat. and theres the fact i was diagnosed with an overactive thyroid too.

my situation changed, my thyroid got treated, and i gained it all back and then some. so i started to feel less bad about it. how could i feel so bad about not being that weight, when being that weight required me to have a chronic disease while also spending about 14 hours at the gym a week and calorie count? it was a bit of a revelation

but the craziness didnt go away completely. its still my first wish when i see an eyelash. i still feel like i will be who im really supposed to be ““when”“ i ““finally”“ lose weight, that fabled goal ive had most of my life and rarely achieved, and it will make people like me more, understand me more, respect me more, love me more. i also know that this is not correct. but i feel it anyway.

i have a shit tonne of things to worry about, like the fact im unemployed, or the state of the whole entire world, but theres still part of me that insists that being skinny is the most important goal. because if i was skinny people would be sympathetic to any of my other failings. i work out and try to be healthy as much as i can, because i want to be fit and healthy, because i think it is helpful to improve my experience as a human animal. but still when i say ‘i just work out for fitness, i just watch my diet to make sure im getting what i need, its not about weight or looks’ on some level....im alwaaays lyingggggggg ;)

i have no reason why im saying this now. its not pertinent. i just had to get it out.

THEPROCRASTINATINGNOVEL -- A Writerblr intro

This blog used to be something else, but I recently deleted everything and turned it into my writerblr! So, yayyy!

« About Me »

Howdy! I'm Alex, I am 18 years old, and I've been writing since I was 10. I started this Writerblr to track my progress to hopefully motivate myself to actually finish one of my many, many wips.

I mostly write fantasy, but I'd like to try writing a wide range of genres. I used to read a LOT. I still read, but I'm getting myself back into the habit of reading more.

Bi, She/They. I’m a Leo and INTP. Im a very shut in person and don’t get the chance to leave my house very often.

Interests;

🌵 Anime & Manga

🌵 Video games

🌵 Reading & Writing ofc

🌵 Pedro Pascal ♡

« Writerblr Stuff »

I have a bad habit of spending hours daydreaming about my wips and obsessing over details and planning, and by the time I have the motivation to write, no words come to mind. It is very frustrating, but I can sometimes combat this by switching from typing to writing on paper to force the words out.

♡*ﾟMy current wip is an unnamed novel series that I have been planning for a year and a half. The first draft is being written right now, so a lot is still up in the air. So far, it's a collection of snippets over various docs, notion pages, and journals that I'm wrangling into a book. It has magic, gods, and a super hot witch-warrior who goes by Percival. Also my son, Alden. We love Alden.

I plan to post weekly writing updates, showcasing progress or where I'm currently at. These updates should come every Saturday at the end of each week, if you wish to follow my journey :)

✩ POV: 3rd person Omniscient is my usual writing style for any wip

« Goals »

➸ To have the first draft of my wip completed by the end of the year. If not, I wish to at least have a good chunk of it done. Hopefully life doesn't get in the way too much

➸ To meet and make friends with other writerblr's. Don't be afraid to come talk to me!!

── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.───

ʚ Message me or go to my inbox to be friends or just to talk to me :D ɞ

Just because you want to be a cis man dosnt mean you want to be a trans girl imo. Sometimes people see a guy whos like "sometimes i wish I was a girl" and theyre like YOURE TRANS! But like those are unfortunately two very different experiences and we're given the disservice of living in the real world. If they want to take hrt for dysphoria and live as a trans women thats chill, but my experience as a trans woman is that im only regarded as a women sometimes, usually when its convenient for people who want to exploit me sexually or to virtue signal. Usually im regarded as a freak, which is nice honestly, i like being a freak. This is all fine and good except when being a freak prevents me from getting hired at jobs associated with masculinity, and being not enough of a woman prevents me from getting hired at jobs associated with femininity.

I like my body now though and my existence was always at odds with society. Society dosnt reward males who arent interested in conforming to masculinity, it ostracisises them and subjects them to emotional and physical violence. A natural response to that experience is dysphoria. If all your life you're told youre not a man and punished for it, its easy to think that being a woman might be easier. But being a trans woman?

The most exhilarating part of it is the continued coersion into manhood that I experienced when I tried still being a man. Not being obsessed with patriarchal sexuality for instance meant I was not a man and I was told and shown that by other men. Robert jensen, prominent radical feminist himself said the goal of his essay Patriarchal sex was to encourage men to "stop being men". Now when someone tells me im not a man, I say yes. Theres something liberating about that.

Maybe in another life id see resisting patriarchy as something that makes me brave and strong, manly even, despite how other men and many women wouldnt view or treat me favorably for it. (Even now the ammount that I care about male aproval is miniscule if existent).. but that puts us all back at square one gender abolition wise dosnt it? And either way im going to not want a body that is perceived as male, im not going to be interested in engaging with romance or friendships or rhetoric in the ways i will be expected to as a man. I think I would resent the expectation to perform my role every step of the way.

So what im excited for is for society to create ways to overcome and escape these roles. I think this idea of a "fem boy" is going to be one such revolutionary subculture slash subcategory that could provide a socially sanctioned way of being that challenges patriarchal norms. But it could also be used to strengthen them, just like how transsexuality can he used to either strengthen or weaken patriarcy. So called alternatives to the more blatently patriarchal ways of being a man (being a gentleman for instance) usually get grafted right back into the whole.

Even transsexuality. The expectation to conform to patriarchal femininity in order to be accepted by others...to pass. Well, its never been aluring to me as an individual, despite the safety it might bring.

I dont really have a conclusion, essentially i feel that there is no escape from patriarchy. The for me thinking of myself as not a part of the binary, as not a man, is the most liberating way of going about things, but im still looking for other alternatives

Hi! I came with Rook questions and some memes! Sorry if it's a lot. (If they're too spoilery, you don't need to answer, of course)

1 Tell me about the man's wives! (Also, you can talk some more about him and Cryptan, they're great)

2 Im a bit obsessed right now over the first rulers of the courts. I wanna see them hang out. (Also talk more about Rook being an older sibling)

3 I know Rook tried to take over the other courts, but why (i mean i can see some potential reasons in the things you said yesterday, but I have a feeling there's more)? They were his siblings. What was his thought process? What was the goal?

4 Is there some symbolism with the alder tees, as in why did you choose that tree specifically to be Rook's?

And the memes:

Hi! I love those memes, so thanks!

And to your questions ^^

1. Rook technically only has one wife, Kyndra. Kyndra was his companion from the very start, always supporting him. She was one of his highest generals also. She was a good strategist, which her husband appreciated a lot. She was strong and smart and loved Rook very much. They had a really close and loving relationship. She was his stability of sorts, her calmness always able to calm his racing mind.

But he wasn’t the only woman Rook loved. There was also Nia. They weren’t married, but Nia was the mother of Rook’s daughter Runa, since Kyndra couldn’t have kids. Now Rook didn’t cheat on his wife by any means, all three were in a relationship together. Nia was a wild fae, a fair maiden, who worked at the palace (or visited it, there’s different beliefs) as a dancer. Rook fell in love with her and let her life with him and his wife. Nia was a very cheerful and loving person and very talented. She could dance like no one else.

The two and Cyprian were Rook’s support system, his haven and his family. But sadly they couldn’t keep him from losing himself.

2. That’s understandable. The first regents are interesting after all, they are the very first of their kind and there’s never been a fair fae like them after. Biologically speaking the six aren’t even siblings, but they are still considered and considered themselves as such. They had a good relationship and saw each other regularly, at least at first. But over time they drifted apart a bit. Still, they cared about one another.

Rook was the eldest of them all, he had a good relationship with all of them even if they sometimes had their disagreements. With Cathan, the “middle child” of the group and with his eldest sister Caitria, Rook had the best connections. His relationship with Cathan was a lot like that of Aiden and Henry.

3. This is a very very complex question. Or rather, a very very complex answer. And I think that would overwhelm both of us, so I hope you don’t mind if I don’t answer this one, but keep it to later maybe explain it in a post when I have more time/ a better mindset 🙈

4. The Alder is Rook’s tree specifically because I wanted the Alderking to be the villain of my story xD (Why I wanted the Alderking as a villain you ask? Because of my favorite poem). I knew that before I knew anything else. To be honest, the reason I named the courts after trees is because of that too. However, I DID keep the symbolism of the Alder in my mind when I worked out Rook’s and his court’s traits

the letters i wish i sent #1

when u asked me to tell you abt myself i wish i told u all this

-------

 it was diwali when i was born <33 there were crackers bursting everywhere and apparently i didn't cry at all. my mum says i was a really calm baby and i’ve always been someone to not show the world that im weak and vulnerable (omg she’s different she’s not like the other babies /sarcasm). when my parents used to leave me at my grandparents’ house i used to try not to cry. i cried later after they left when i was alone. even now as someone who knows that it's fine to cry and to be weak, i don't want to show anyone that i’m hurt or weak and can't think straight. (she’s different omg /sarc)

i think of myself as a very bubbly person, i’m generally always smiling and happy. i tend to look at the positive side and nothing makes me nervous. over the years i feel i have lost the ability to be angry or feel fear and i hate it. i can’t be serious for my life so feel special i’m not making shitty jokes (is it even possible???) while writing this. basically everything is a joke to me <3 i think love is bullshit. to me love is not possible. but im also a huge sucker for kuch kuch hota hain and jab we met. bommarillu is a must too. i feel we long for certain things and qualities in people and particular behavior, and when we find that in someone, we love them. it's not love, but its like a job opening. we are the employer, we need someone to fill in the position of a romantic interest, and we expect certain qualities, and when someone has those qualities, we feel they are right for the job. and so we start to love them. and with all due respect, it's bullshit.

goals are slay <333 live in my heart frfr. i was 8 when i decided i wanna be rich (go girl pop that pussy periodt). but then i was 10 when i realized that you need to earn your own money??? (like who came up with that ew) so i had various rich profession phases, i started with musician cuz i was in justin beiber phase <3 then i went into my actor phase cuz mahesh babu just seemed really appealing to me (what even omg) then i was in my kpop artist phase cuz junglecock yes then i realized all that is lowkey weird and it wouldn't make me rich enough so then i started to look at proper professions and then in ‘21 i decided on a corporate lawyer cuz they’re so cool with their suits and cars and penthouses and their calm and collected manner <333333 perfect for me <33. in conclusion, my goal is to be rich, allah hu akbar.

weirdly, i want to be a criminal. like not the eugh disgusting kinda criminal but like the mama im in love with a criminal kinda criminal. you know what i mean? like murdering people cuz they hurt me??? ew. no. but murdering them cuz i was bored. that’s better <3. morally gray you know. 

gray reminds me. my slight obsession with kmusic. see, kpop sucks. mainstream kpop sucks. but if you listen to jimmy brown and such. it is heaven to the ears omg that shit is so mmph. anyways. krnb and khh hits hard and it is such a shame that the annoying part of kmusic is more popular than the heaven part <///////3. it is good music okay you listen to it with the idea of hating it so you don’t like it. (psychology major frfr)

dance. this is what you accuse my personality to be. i don’t say shit about your personality being only gym and fapping so… ahem. slay. dance is nice ig but what i actually like doing is writing. that shit hits hard ong bro ong <333 like words just word the right way it is better than anything. 

bdsm. that shit is nice omg so slay.

i’m the most unserious person you’ll ever meet but i love talking about serious stuff omg. i’ll go on for hours if you wanna talk about shitty politics or the world economy and all <333 

-------

a lot of the time i find myself desperately wanting to talk to someone, anyone, my friends my so my sibling anyone. but i don’t reach out to them because im already going through a lot and have too much on my plate to hear about their problems and i take people’s problems personally, and get too deeply affected by other people’s sadness. it’s been this way for a long time now. i do end up talking to them but it’s not how i want it. like i’m not at all saying that they shouldn’t tell me about their problems, they should, but sometimes i wish i could just vent. one sided. just let it all out. i always have to turn to my diary or tumblr to journal it all out. sometimes i wish i could vent to a person. obviously not just anyone, they have to know me well and i have to trust them (she says as she shares intimate details of her life on her very public tumblr blog). it applies when i’m speaking to someone, i need to really trust them to feel comfortable when being vulnerable. the people that are available to listen to me don’t get me. so many criteria gosh maybe i’m the problem. no i’m definitely the problem. but that’s fine. with me. also, i’m not stressed out anymore. i think i tired myself out. i’ve been panicking about the same thing for so long that i just stopped caring at some point. like ok so what. and what about it. which idk if that’s a good or bad thing. definitely feels a lot better. much easier on my heart. i think it’s a good thing. for my mental health. maybe not so much for my grades. like what happened happened. like ok. ??? cool. i did what i could. genuinely could not have done more. i’m an always try my best er. i always try my best. im always giving my most. so. idk what else to say or do or feel about the whole thing. also, fuck olive. i’ve had enough of that. i’m done with his inconsistency and unavailability. like go fuck off. loser behaviour. his flop era. man just can’t keep me happy. sorry MEN just can’t keep me happy. and honestly neither can women. i’m done. i hope i can stay done. for a good while if not forever. like truly be done. so disappointed. honestly, what am i working towards? i know what i need like food money fashion etc wise but what’s the point here? what’s my goal? my previous goal isn’t interesting anymore. my other previous goal is genuinely too ambitious, i’m a laid back person now. genuinely couldn’t be bothered with anything. i do like getting expensive groceries and clothes. is that really what i’m living up to? like just to live a nice life? is that enough to keep me motivated to like stay alive during hard times? don’t i need something more solid? i don’t think i want kids anymore. maybe pets. maybe. too much commitment tbh. definitely not getting married. fun in theory, terrible in practice. i kind of want to just be able to do whatever fun thing comes to my head. like explore my hobbies, learn new things, do what i want to without having to commit to one thing forever? i used to be scared of this idea, and thought it was flakey or unserious or the recipe for an unremarkable life. but like, who am i trying to impress? nobody. other than myself. and i think i’d be pretty impressed with myself if i managed to disregard all external influences and just prioritised my happiness, and live life day to day, moment to moment, and not for one ultimate end. my younger self would hate this and think i’m a loser now, but she doesn’t know what i know. to a lot of people i might seem like a quitter but i don’t care? what they think? wow i love who i’m becoming. i love taking it easy. and honestly i’m supportive of the whole hustle culture grindset mindset but it’s definitely not for me. i still want money though. but not more than i want peace. oh god what do i do with all my playlists about living for love? ok i’m being too optimistic here, this doesn’t happen overnight… i hope to be done with romance, it was really an obsession at one point. like what will a kiss do? is it really worth all the other shit. i don’t think it is. maybe one day if something happens organically and if i’m va-

lued enough i’ll think about it. but for now, i’m good. really. i really am good. i’m almost in disbelief. it’s almost too good to be true. i don’t want to jinx it. i’m not scared of being by myself. i’m literally the best company. i take good care of myself, or at least i try my best. can’t top that.

1: This is not a “why Levi will end up with Mikasa”, at all. I’m not trying to boost our confidence in RM because I don’t want us to get hurt again, okay? Fine. Always remember that those 10 pages might be even worse than 139 but we will never stop shipping RM . Always remember the 138 beautiful chapters and ignore the shitty one.

2: looong post. 

3: Constructive hmhmh no criticism to Erem*ka. Now let’s start.

No one ever asked me why I think Levi is the right man for Mikasa (and viceversa); when I interact with non rivamikas, they are too busy hating on me and my ship to show a bit of respect and interest towards my opinions and thoughts. I wrote this post because I think that this question needs to be answered, especially after 139. These are six reasons why I think that Levi deserves to be Mikasa’s man.

(I’m doing Levi version first because Mikasa is the one who’s in a toxic “relationship” with a possessive “man”)

i) He helped her with her development.

Since Season 1, Levi has always helped Mikasa to grow as a person. In fact, Levi was the first one who made her realize that her actions have consequences that sometimes are not very pleasant. She understood that, even if Eren is in danger, the other people around her exist and they might get hurt because of her reckless behaviors. Talking about Eren, only with Levi, Mikasa stopped being Eren’s obsessive mother and became an independent woman, which is exactly the opposite of what she’s now with her “love” Eren. I think that Levi will help Mikasa to move on from Eren once he will return to Paradise, and I also think that she will find someone to love. I remember Armin’s words in 139:

The fact that three years have passed and Mikasa is still single makes me realize that probably this “someone” is a man from her group of friends. They left her alone for three years (clap clap 👏 good job, you too Levi 😒), and she hasn’t fallen in love during those years, so maybe once they will return to Paradise she will meet again this “someone” and they will finally fall in love. Now, we have three candidates for this role:

Jean

Levi

Connie yes im serious

I know that Jean had a crush on Mikasa but, I think that he doesn’t love her anymore. To me, Jean realized that his feelings were not returned so He decided to give up on her, if he had feelings for her, he would have followed her to Paradise, don’t you think? And I think that Jean deserves more; I believe that you shouldn’t wait your crush for years, if you both fall in love then fine but if one of the two as a crush on the other for more than 5 years but the other doesn’t return his/her feelings then the other should say bye 👋🏻

Then we have Levi, and Connie yes I’m serious. I have already said why I think that Levi will help Mika to move on so I repeat myself. And I ship Conkasa 🙃🙂 nahhh im joking but they are cute.

ii) He respects her.

It was confirmed various times trough the story that Levi respects Mikasa, and viceversa. Respect is one of the “rudiments” of a relationship. Yesterday, I was reading this article online about why respect is important in a relationship, and the first point got me in a particular way: 

“1. Respect sees through the good and learns to accept the bad. When you are in love with someone, all you see are their best qualities, both inside and out. At the same time, you set aside their flaws and weaknesses, to tolerate these as much as you can. Respect doesn’t work that way.

When you have respect for the person you chose to be in a relationship with, you come to accept the person’s beauty and flaws, the bitter and sweet, and good and the bad. And from the acceptance, you both learn to adjust to each other’s systems and come up with a compromise that you can live with. Toppled with love, respect serves as the fuel to keep any relationship moving” 

The last part reminds me of Rivamika; Levi and Mikasa both know that the other has his own beauty and flaws, and they accept each other that way. They don’t set those flaws aside to tolerate each other more, they just accept them and they love each other the way they are. With Eren instead, Mikasa has always set aside his flaws because she didn’t want to see them and she always misinterpreted his actions. I want to see an independent woman and not a girl who doesn’t want to accept that her crush is not perfect. Mikasa has to understand that it’s okay if she says “fuck you” for once. Wake up girl.

iii) He cares for her.

Levi has always cared for Mikasa since Season 1, even if I think that in the beginning, he cared for her just as a simple soldier since they didn’t know each other that much. After their first meeting, things changed on Levi’s side and on Mikasa’s as well; she learned to respect him, and Levi started to understand that gloomy brat, to the point that she became special to him; indeed, the way Levi treats Mikasa is very different from the way he treats everyone else, even the other women (Petra, Hisu, Hanji, Sasha) Please my Mika wake up. It’s sad that many think it’s just simple affection because “oh they are cousins he loves her just like a sister bla bla bla”. Sorry to tell you but I don’t have that much tension with my brother 😏😏 and some blind people still say that he hates when he:

Broke his ankle to save her

Always reminds her to calm down and to not be reckless because she can hurt the others but also herself

Always looks at her from afar to check if she’s okay

Literally cried when she was having one of her headaches (138)

Blind people 😏

iiii) He understands her.

Levi understands Mikasa’s feelings; they are very similar, and Mikasa found herself in situations Levi had already lived, from loosing her friends and family to the awakening of their power. And that’s also why Levi plays a big part in her development; remember in Season 1 when Annie kidnapped Eren and Mikasa lost her mind? Okay so when Levi saw her like that, he reminded of his younger self’s reaction to Isabel and Farlan’s death, and that’s why he acted in a soft way towards her; he already knew that in that situation, she wouldn’t have even looked at him if he didn’t act in a soft way. He knew she was lost so he took control of the situation.

Screenshot from: chapter 30.

iiiii) He’s a real man.

In my personal vocabulary, 139 Eren doesn’t fit the definition of man. Someone that treats a woman like that doesn’t deserve to be called “man” (same with women obviously). To me, a man is someone that’s able to respect his lover, that doesn’t treat her like an object and that thinks about her happiness first (that’s literally what love means lmao) (and more). Saying “I want her to be happy” is not enough when he wrapped the scarf around her again, knowing that she was suffering and she was not able to set herself free. If Eren really loved her, he wouldn’t wrapped the scarf around her again. Levi instead fits my definition of “man”, I’d say perfectly. He has always respected her, and he wants the best for Mikasa. He showed to love her, at least platonically, numerous times, he showed care about her physical and mental well-being. I think that Levi could make Mikasa feel loved, what her “lover” Eren has never done since he always treated her badly. Mikasa doesn’t know much about relationships, and Levi too, but with Levi she would understand what a real relationship looks like. And personally, I don’t want Mikasa to end up with someone like 139 Eren.

iiiiii) He his her ideal type and they share the same life goals.

Two months ago, I wrote this post named “How much are Mikasa and Levi compatible?”. There I listed all the reasons why I believe that Levi and Mikasa are each other’s ideal type. I’m not going to repeat myself, so if you want to read it, click here. Anyway, they share the same life goals, that are: a peaceful life in the middle of nature and a family since they both have a soft spot on children.

What do you think? Do you have other reasons why you think that Levi is perfect for Mikasa? I hope you liked this post and feel free to share your opinions!

hii can i ask you a synastry question if you don’t mind? i was looking at my synastry with one of my crushes, and i saw that he has his venus and mars in my first house. however, his mars is conjunct my asc, while his venus is just in my first house. in synastry, do you still feel the planets in another person’s house, despite it not being aspected? i hope im making sense🤧 thank you in advance for all of your hard work, and i hope you’re well!!💖💕

Heyy! Thanks for the thoughtful ask it's an interesting point! it's important to me to be honest and transparent; so I do wanna say that synastry def isn't something I'd consider my forte lol I have a good understanding but I don't practice it a lot. But I'll give you some of my thoughts and insight on this!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Synastry observation: Venus and Mars in 1st

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Planets and Houses

What you're asking is interesting because, 1. regardless of whether 2 figures are aspected; (personal) planets in houses are always going to be important. Since houses represent an area of life, and planets represent energy. So in a birth chart, and a synastry chart, wherever there is a planet in a house means that there is energy activating that house.

2. you're also right that being in an aspect is very significant. I don't want to say whether one is more significant than the other because I'm not really sure, but I also just don't like the idea of placing value like that. My thoughts are that having a personal planet there is already bringing significant energy, so if it's in an aspect it's like adding another layer to the intensity, intricacies and specifics of the energy.

But, you also have a good point about how only one planet is actually conjunct. Because, in synastry one important aspect is the conjunction of 2 figures because being in the same sign does affect attraction and pull. Specifically with the rising sign though, typically having mars and venus conjunct the ASC can represent very strong immediate physical attraction. So in this case, with venus not being in the same sign, I'd say it is just doing what it would normally do and bringing energy to the house, which is still significant! But the closer venus is the the asc the stronger that attraction could be.

So the tdlr is: yes! wherever a planet is, that energy will still be expressed and felt in the house regardless of the aspect.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Angular Houses

So that's kind of answering the more general part of your question! But to use your example and be more specific:

In synastry one rule of thumb is having planets in any of the angular houses (1st- self, 4th- our roots, 7th- our mirror, 10th- ego) is considered very significant. That's because those houses all represent parts of our very core, or instinctual being. So for relationships (of any kind), having a planet in those houses can be very strong, and usually a beneficial thing depending on the planets. In your case, having 2 personal planets, especially ones that represent our values and drive, in the 1st house can be considered very significant! But it is typically more beneficial to have planets in 4th or 7th since they deal with our deeper/emotional side, and how we connect with other people (relationships).

The signs involved will also play a big role in what energy is being brought to the house, but here are some general descriptions:

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Mars and Venus in 1st

✦With their mars and venus here, interacting with them or being around them, might give you a big ego boost

✦you might feel really confident in yourself: in your appearance but also in how you navigate spaces and your goals

✦could also be drawn to this person because of those feelings

✦or depending on your own planets, their energy could come off as too strong or too much, too cocky, could even be off putting

✦planet person has strong initial attraction to house person, people might think you "look good together"

✦if either of the parties are creatives, planet person can bring nice creative expression to house person. House person could even be something like a muse to them.

✦planet person makes house person feel energized and motivated

✦Since the mars is conjunct it is a very strong attraction, depending on the mars sign, Mars person could be lowkey obsessed with house person

✦Mars conjunct ASC could be highly driven by physical attraction and interaction

✦If there aren't any emotionally supportive overlays, there's a chance this connection could get old after the initial attraction due to it feeling too shallow

✦The initial feelings of confidence and excitement can turn into feeling pressured to keep the spark or attraction up

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

I need to guuuuuuuuuuuuuush

I’m absolutely obsessed with Owari No Seraph/Seraph of the End. It has everything I want in a story

okay this got long so I put a cut

A romance I’m actually invested in: 1) it’s gay, like not even ambiguously gay, like very explicitly gay and it’s remarkable 2) it’s somehow enemies to lovers, best friends to lovers, and childhood friends to lovers ALL AT THE SAME TIME 3) the mutual pining is ridiculous, but manifests in “I MUST PROTECT” 4) omg they’re so devoted to each other???? 5) heavily implied in the anime and manga that they are each other’s reason for living after their trauma

Ambiguous characters: 1) we’ve got not one, not two, BUT THREE HIGH RANKING CHARACTERS within their respective organizations with THEIR OWN AGENDAS, screw whoever gets in their way 2) one of the said lovers from above pairing? Technically, he’s officially on one side, but he makes it very clear he actually doesn’t care about anyone EXCEPT his love interest and actively goes behinds people’s backs all the time to get what he wants. He has exactly 0 trust except for his love interest, which means he’ll literally fight both sides to make sure love interest is safe 3) THE FREAKING QUEEN, at first she’s like in a terrible one sided relationship with one of the characters with like... uh what’s it called? Power imbalance? Like she is 100% in control of this other person because they are wholly dependent on her, and she knows it, and often calls this other person her pet, and like, you think you’re supposed to hate her because she’s one of the contributing factors to the other character’s trauma but then it’s like, wait, actually, maybe she ALSO has ulterior motives and is one of the few people said character can actually trust with their wellbeing and their own interests being the only one who actively helps them with it 4) HMMM THAT SUPER SHADY DEMON/HUMAN ROMANCE YOU KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUT

Characters that suffer: okay listen, all of the characters have suffered through trauma, but special shout-out to Mika who has gone through my favorite kind of trauma to watch that develops characters. Spoilers for the rest of this paragraph so if you want to check out the show skip over it. okay gone? for real? you okay with getting spoiled if you haven’t seen yet? alright. last chance. Okay so first thing we know about Mika is that he’s an orphan and has a found family with his orphanage group right? even when they’re all being held captive by vampires underground, he at least has his family. Mika goes above and beyond to make sure that despite that they’re essentially just acting as the vampires’ blood-stock that their time there isn’t as bad as it could be. He offers himself up to one of the nobles, saying the noble can suck his blood if he gives him things, so he gets stuff like actual real food for his family to eat. In the manga, you can see that this is really draining on him, but he does it to see his family happy. Mika also knows that his crush absolutely hates it there, so he plans an escape, except oops they all get ambushed by the very noble he stole from and was swindling, and literally everyone gets killed in front of him except his crush, well I guess at the time he was too young for crush, so I’ll just call him Yuu. Anyways. Mika and Yuu manage to knock out the vampire noble working together, but Mika is fatally wounded so only Yuu actually escapes. AND THEN MIKA IS FORCIBLY TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE BY THE QUEEN, like he hates vampires, he considers them monsters, he doesn’t want eternal life or whatever, AND SHE FREAKING TURNS HIM TO KEEP HIM FROM DYING (the way she does it too could be considered traumatizing as well) and then he proceeds to be raised by people he considers monsters and hates that he’s become a vampire, and like does everything in his power to not drink human blood (resorting to drinking the Queen’s blood, and she’s fine with it cuz it keeps him completely dependent on her) like MMMM THAT POWER IMBALANCE IN A WORLD FULL OF THE MONSTERS YOU HATE WHILE BECOMING ONE YOURSELF IS ALREADY DAMAGING ENOUGH, and then he finds out that the very adults he used to trust as a child, were actually just treating him and his found family as guinea pigs and lab rats and that the only people who actually cared about him was his found family, who are all gone except for Yuu who isn’t there, so yeah oops, he hates humans now too. Like mmmm that is some tasty juicy angst right there. It manifests in him never smiling anymore, never speaking, just sitting there stoically. Like this was the little boy who was happy smiles all the time, either when he was genuinely happy with his family or putting on an act to deceive and he’s just so broken after the timeskip that we never see him smile until late in season 2. OH LETS NOT FORGET THE WHOLE VAMPIRE THING RIGHT? Mika doesn’t want to drink blood, but his body compells him to. He refuses to at least drink human blood, which works for a while but by the time the second season rolls around, the queen’s blood just isn’t cutting it anymore and there are so many scenes where his instincts take over and he almost bites someone only to snap out of it last second and start sobbing because he believes he’s becoming a monster. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN ALL OF IT, JUST THE THINGS THAT I LIKED THE MOST TO WATCH

spoilers over

the side characters: While I do think they could use a little bit more development, but that’s probably because they’re not quite rubbing me just the right way like Mika is, so they pale by comparison BUT there are some things I enjoy 1) we’ve got a literal troll on the team. I’ve seen some people call her annoying, but omg I love seeing her troll the others. also she uses a scythe and it’s awesome 2) OMG THERE’S A SWEET BABI BOY ARCHER??? slight spoilers, but my favorite part was when he reveals that his demon decided to give him more powers because he treats his demon like a friend, and talks to it at night before going to bed, sometimes asking it what it’s favorite color is?? 3) okay okay okay, listen, I already like the character by himself, the sniper dude, he’s already great as he’s written. But then add the fact that not only does he look EXACTLY like Victor Nikiverov from Yuri on Ice, BUT HE HAS THE SAME FREAKING VOICE ACTOR TOO that just cracks me up 4) I love the one vampire side character who keeps trying to befriend Mika, and Mika just keeps stonewalling him 5) honestly the queen is really badass, and as much as I hated her at first, I actually enjoy every second she’s on screen 6) There’s a vampire called Crowley and idk what it is with him but he just gives me “Big Fun” vibes even though he’s one of the most ruthless characters in the show

plot and arcs: it doesn’t drag itself on and on and on, it actually completes goals and important benchmarks fairly quickly so we don’t need to keep waiting on things to happen. But at the same time, is so drawn out that you still can’t help but feel like it’s taking forever to get to where you want it to go and it’s great because it means you get so much story to enjoy. Also, the fact that the protagonists always have one clear goal at a time, but us as the viewers see other things happening behind the scenes, without always understanding what they are, and we’re stuck seeing this collision path where everything is gonna intersect and you know it’s going to be terrible and there characters are going to suffer but you love that. 

anyways, Seraph of the end is super good, I loved it, the anime isn’t enough so I’m actually chasing after the Manga for once. Mika is officially one of my all-time favorite characters and he deserves to be happy. If you know what I’m talking about cheer with me, if you haven’t seen it yet, omgggggggggggggggggggg GO CHECK IT OUT IF ANY OF THE THINGS I SAID APPEAL TO YOU