#ill still try and read peoples stuff soon there's so many writings i have to catch up on
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Think I need to like.. not socialize much or do blog stuff for tonight and probably tomorrow idk,
#wren speaks#ooc#i feel so overwhelmed tbh#and im avoiding things that r important to me bc of it i think#so im gonna try and step back for just a little and see if it helps#um#so sorry i will message ppl back soon... i feel bad i haven't done it yet..... i promise i haven't forgor yet tho i swear..#ill still try and read peoples stuff soon there's so many writings i have to catch up on#and i feel so bad i promise im gonna
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Hello!
I read Angel on the Roof and that was AMAZING. I was feeling like that way and honestly that was exactly what I needed to read. Thank you for writing!
I have a request! Maybe alternate ending + sequel of the fic if you are interested/have time, where Matt did notice it and in this universe it’s going to be more comforting. OR maybe whole new story where reader is having mental illness, angst but comfort in the end?
Again I LOVE your writing can’t wait for another Matt fics!!! Thank youuuu !!!
Okay, nonnie, first of all, I hope you're doing okay! I hope you're feeling better, too. I know how hard it can be to feel this way and I wrote that fic when I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I'm glad you liked it, but I also hope you're taking good care of yourself! I love you. Now to your request, I re-read Angel On The Roof and I remembered why it was so sad, and I'm so glad you requested a comfort version. I decided to do it from Reader's POV since the original was Matt's POV and I've changed the ending, so it's still the same foundation, but you've also got a whole new fic. I hope you like the way I did it!
Angel On The Roof (Your Version)
Masterlist
Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader (she/her)
Summary: What if Matt saved you from your own demons instead of being too late?
Warnings: TW: SELF-HARM, graphic descriptions of self-harm, blood, scars, ANGST, mental illness, suicide attempt, hurt/comfort, happy ending, fix it fic for a fic
Word Count: 3k
A/n: So you can read "Angel On The Roof" here. Like I said before, this is the mentioned fic from your POV but with a twist so that it ends without Reader committing suicide. If the above-mentioned topics trigger you, please don't read! Not tagging because this is a sensitive subject and I go really into detail.
18+ THIS IS HEAVY STUFF!
Mental illness speaks in silence.
Unlike a broken leg, you can’t see a sickness of the mind. There is no physical proof for the scary truth that something is going not quite right inside of your brain. And because people can’t see it, they have a hard time believing the truth. They have a hard time believing that being sick in the head could even affect you this much, so they try to sell your pain as worth less than it is. How could thoughts possibly turn paralyzing? How could someone’s mind make them feel worthless to the point the affected person sees no other way out but to inflict pain onto themselves? Attention whores, it’s what those people like to call the struggling ones. Lazy, weak, selfish… every mentally ill person has heard one of those words being used to describe them one way or another.
Mental illness speaks in silence because if we spoke louder, people would only sneer and turn their backs on us. Mental illness speaks in silence because suffering alone seems better than burdening someone else. And mental illness speaks in silence because those who are mentally ill live in a different world. Their heads work differently. Mental illness speaks in silence because pain paralyzes, and silent acts are the only way someone so stuck in the claws of the faceless monster knows how to ask for help. By the time people consider questioning certain behavior though, it is often too late, and the person soon enough feels as if they’re being a burden once more because the judging looks are worse than admitting you need help in the first place.
The monster that is mental illness is cruel and it has no regard for you or the people around you. It has set out to destroy you, and you feel helpless as it tears a knife through your soul and picks your heart apart piece by piece. And those who say, ‘Just ask for help’ or ‘Don’t be scared to speak up’ clearly don’t know how hard it can be to break out of such a circle once you’re already active in it.
Self-harm is considered a serious addiction on the roster, but most people see it merely as a symptom of many personality disorders or mood disorders. Those who seemingly know nothing about mental illness even like to call it a call for attention. As if self-mutilation would ever be a conscious choice made by anyone. You try to fight a pain that no one can see and only you can feel, and sometimes, when you feel so much - too much - it gets deafening and you need another pain to balance it out.
Drugs aren’t the only thing hurting you that can result in addiction. There is a long list of things that harm the mind and body, and that is often used as a coping mechanism for the terrible things most people are forced to feel inside.
You don’t remember when it started. You only remember that you were merely a child when you first started feeling this way. Helpless, alone, and with a pain deep inside of your chest that had claws and sharp teeth, ready to eat you whole. The monster ate away at you for years, but you ignored it.
People told you it was just hormones, that this was part of growing up. Meanwhile, you only got sicker. Your mind turned against you. You became your own worst bully, and the voices in your head started taking you apart one by one.
You reached a point where you loathed yourself so much, all you wanted was to scratch your eyes out and tear your skin off. You hated looking in the mirror and seeing the same miserable face every day. You hated being the friend that was the least fun and being stuck inside with this hurt consuming you. It made it harder to breathe, it made your heart stop in your chest, and yet you never physically died. Inside, you were long gone, but you ignored it because no one seemed to care.
You tried drugs and alcohol, but that wasn’t enough to kill your pain, and you never fully managed to end it all. Your existence became a nuisance.
You never believed in God. The constant self-pity, shame, guilt, and blame became your best friends. In your mind, you fucked up your own life. Your mind was fucked up, so you were automatically at fault. You ended up being in so much blood-boiling pain, you tried to find a way to inflict pain in other ways to distract you from the numbness that burned your insides like acid would burn the cells of your skin in an instant, and the toxic waste ended up in your bloodstream, then your mind and in the end, it poisoned your heart and your soul.
You truly believed you were rotten inside, and there was nothing that seemed to help.
You turned to cutting, the blood running from your wrists a testament to your pain, and it made breathing so much easier for just a moment. The razor blades were the brush with which you painted the tiles of your bathroom floor red almost every night. You weren’t proud of it, but you had no one to listen, no one to help you and you just felt so fucking numb– You had to find something to relieve you of this pain for a simple moment, and a moment was all it took to get you hooked on the feeling. It was a different kind of pain, and your wrists looked mutilated, even long after you were done, but whenever you brushed over the scars, you felt the need to do it again, and so you did.
One summer night, you found your way to one of the rooftops in Hell’s Kitchen. You didn’t want to jump, but having the choice to do so filled your body with a certain sense of relief. If you had jumped, you would have died. You could have broken your neck and ended it all. You would have died on your way down already, probably, or maybe you would have passed out.
The world seemed so small from up there, but you were still alone.
That night, you felt his presence for the first time. He wore a black mask; you had seen him on the news a while back, but word on the streets had it that the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen disappeared. After Wilson Fisk got imprisoned, he must have found his way back.
“I don’t want to jump,” you assured him. “I just want to feel.” It wasn’t a lie. Your heart beat slow and steady in your chest and against your ribcage. The wind in your hair cooled the sheen of sweat from the early summer heat.
He didn’t talk, he simply stood by your side. You were too tired to ask him why. When you sat down, he followed shoulder to shoulder, together. Your tears had dried on your cheeks and you watched the clouds pass by, hide and reveal new stars, and you pointed out the constellations in your head. He wouldn’t let you fall, it seemed, and so you simply stayed there. It was the first time someone seemed to care without trying to fix you.
You were okay.
He walked you home before sunrise and asked you again, “Are you gonna be okay?”
“Yes,” you answered. In the moment, you usually were.
You smiled and thanked him, and he told you, “If you ever need to talk, well… you know I’ll find you if you call for me.”
One day, after finding you on the roof again (at this point, you weren’t sure why you were doing it anymore), it started to rain. He offered to walk you home and asked you if you were okay again. You offered him to stay.
“Who hurt you?” he asked you once you bid him inside.
You brewed some tea, offering him a mug. He took it. You shrugged as an answer to his question. The numbness settled back in. You had no tears left to shed. Did he care? You weren’t sure. People often liked to ask for no reason whatsoever, and you knew if you told them, they would have called you crazy.
“I hurt myself,” you said.
He caught your wrist when you tried to walk away. His fingers dug into the fresh scars without trying to, but it hurt and it functioned as a cruel reminder of what your arms looked like. Of what you did. Instead of numbness, what you felt was guilt, and when his mouth contorted, you knew he realized something wasn’t right.
You were so stupid, you thought and pulled away from him. How could anyone ever care or love a broken mess of nothingness like you? You weren’t worthy of anyone’s affection. This – the scars on your wrists and the hole in your chest – was what you deserved.
He didn’t run though. The stranger tilted his head as if to understand you.
“Why?” he asked.
It made you think. Why, exactly, were you doing this?
“Because I need to feel something other than this pain that is numbing me,” you admitted.
You were so honest with him that night, and it seemed to surprise him, but he also listened to every last word coming out of your mouth.
He let go of your wrist then and said, “Have you ever asked someone for help?”
“Why would I?” you asked.
“Because there are people who can help when you’re hurting.”
Fixing you, that was what he meant. There were people who could fix you, but you didn’t want to be fixed. You couldn’t be fixed. Everyone always tried to fix you and you were so sick and tired of being the one everyone deemed broken all the time.
“Perhaps you should go,” you said and opened the door for him. You had to end it there.
One night, you cut too deep, and the world caved in on you. You had no choice but to endure it, but you broke under the weight like a fragile vase. You cut too deep, and the blood mingled on the floor with your tears. It hurt – the cuts weren’t the worst part because they only thudded numbly in sync with your pulse; the worst part was the bomb in your chest exploding and sending all these feelings hurdling around.
God, you hated yourself.
You always kept your windows unlocked. What you didn’t expect was for him to climb through your window. Only when he kicked the door down did you look up, your face stained with tears. He tilted his head, seemingly smelling the air, before he knelt beside you and wrapped towels around your bleeding wrists. The essence of your heart was on the floor now, the vase broken, and he cleaned it up without hesitation.
You didn’t deserve such gentle treatment.
You sobbed into his strong arms until there was nothing left to give. Instead of leaving though, he stayed. He took you to bed and bandaged your wrists, still keeping the black mask right where it was. It was you curious, and you hadn’t felt curious in quite a while.
He stopped the bleeding without problems, and then he lay beside you as you regained some sense of self.
“Why do you keep doing it?” he asked eventually. His finger ran over the bandage he had applied earlier. “Why do you keep hurting yourself?”
You shivered. “It wouldn’t make sense even if I told you,” you said.
Because even to you, it didn’t make sense.
“Try me.”
“No, you wouldn’t understand. You barely even know me and I don’t know you. Why do you keep doing this, D?”
“Matthew,” he told her. “That is my name.”
It was the first display of trust he showed you, and you were a little taken aback.
Your lips parted and you whispered your name into the darkness. He smiled softly, taking your weak hand into his.
“Nice to meet you,” he said.
You stared at him for a while before asking something that almost came naturally. “Can you stay?” your voice was barely above a whisper.
He battled with himself before giving in, agreeing to stay, and you felt something in your heart turn around. A candle was lit. Was that the scent of hope you could smell? You weren’t sure, but the fact he held your hand as you tried to find your way into a restless sleep and never once waivered with his support filled you with a sense of safety, and finally, for once in your life, the voices went quiet. You focused on his heartbeat and breathing, and you finally felt less alone.
The next morning, your window was closed again and he was gone, probably disappearing in the middle of the night. You found a note on the dining table, poorly scribbled, but you could decipher what he wrote.
It’s because I care about you, Angel.
He cared. About you. You broke down crying, not used to this much affection, but it was also then you realized that it was what you desperately needed.
You looked at your bandaged wrist, then your reflection in the metallic shimmer of your fridge, and you made a decision you should have made from the beginning.
You waited on the rooftop again that night, this time the one of your apartment complex. He appeared not long after you whispered his name into the humid night air. Cars passed by and the city grew louder by the minute, but he still came.
He wore his mask again.
“Will I ever see your face?” you wondered aloud.
He chuckled. “It wouldn’t be a good idea.”
The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen knowingly never did home visits.
“Can you see mine?” you asked.
“No,” he said. “I can’t see yours.”
Your breath shuddered.
“What’s wrong?”
“You changed something in me last night.”
Matthew seemed to pipe up at your admission, and he took a step closer. “Oh yeah?” he asked.
“Yes,” you breathed.
“What did I change?”
“You saved my life.”
“I only came because you needed someone.”
You asked, “Is that why you always come to these rooftops?”
He shrugged. “You call, I come,” Matthew said. “That’s all there is to it.”
But it wasn’t all.
With a weak sniffle, you closed the distance between you and fell into his arms. He caught you, holding you close to him. His heart thudded in your ear like the night before, and you couldn’t hold it back anymore. Years of pain, sadness, and anger fell off your shoulders, leaving you even more broken than before, but for the first time, you felt it all. And you knew you couldn’t live like this any longer.
“I need–” you choked on a sob. It burned in your lungs.
His grip tightened. “What do you need, Angel?”
“I need help,” it was the first time you said it, but the moment the words left your mouth, Matthew vowed to stay by your side.
That night, he took his mask off for the first time after taking you home. You saw his face, and you felt a sense of relief. He was beautiful, inside and out, but he was also incredibly human. His blind eyes were unfocused, but you only touched his cheek with tender fingers. You owed him your life, and you made sure to show him that.
“Matt Murdock,” he introduced himself.
You gave him the courtesy of doing the same.
He smiled, and you saw something in his eyes that would end up changing your entire life.
Love.
That cruel time of finding back to yourself after years of self-harm and depression is in the past, it has been for a while now.
The sun stands high in the sky above New York. A long time ago, summer filled you with dread. As you’re staring out through the windows of your home now, all you can think about is how beautiful the world is. The city stands tall in the distance, and you find yourself smiling into your cup of chamomile tea.
The light reflects off the golden wedding band on your ring finger. Your name stands in Braille letters next to his with a heart of diamonds. It’s unique, special, just like your love story.
When you first met him, you never thought you would end up here, but he woke you up from your coma and you found your way back to the light. He helped you, he supported you and he made sure you would always have someone to turn to.
Years later now, you’re wearing his name and ring on your finger, and you have a home that truly feels like one because he is in it with you. He is your home, your haven, your sanctuary, and you owe him more than he will ever know.
A pair of arms snakes around your waist and pull you back into a sturdy chest. You smile even more. “Hi,” you whisper.
Matt presses a kiss to your shoulder. “Hi,” he says.
“The sun is out.”
“I know, I can feel it.”
“Right. Even after all these years, I still tend to forget I’m married to a superhero,” you say, albeit teasing, but your words also hold a mountain of truth.
He chuckles. “You’re forgiven, Mrs. Murdock.”
“Oh, I’m glad.”
Matt’s hold on you tightens. Now that he has you, he refuses to let you go. “What were you thinking about just then?” he asks.
You lick your lips, closing your eyes as your body melts into his almost naturally. “You and me,” you say, “and how far we’ve come.”
“Mhm.”
“And that I can’t wait to start a family with you one day and give our children the support I’ve never had.”
He tears up a little at that, you can hear it in his voice when he whispers, “I love you,” and he turns you around to capture your lips in a loving kiss.
You realize it then for the millionth time since that night you first ran into the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen on the roof; Getting help was the best choice of your life, and no scar on his or your body matter now that you’ve got each other.
You belong in each other’s arms, today, tomorrow, and forever and always. Just like you said in your vows – there is nothing you can’t overcome, as long as you’re doing it together.
#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock#matt murdock angst#matt murdock x you#daredevil#daredevil x reader#female reader#hurt/comfort#matt murdock fluff#matt murdock imagines#reader insert#x reader#charlie cox#lizzi writes#request#requests are CLOSED
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hey ghostie i was gna get specific for the ask game but I wanna know *all* of it now, the acronyms, the full names, all of em! are they for cyberpunk or other fandoms? no matter how much there is to know, i wanna know! talking about an idea helps a lot, i speak from experience! thanks for the mention, ill get on the wip game soon, too! ❤️
WIP Game Here
Thank you for the ask! I appreciate it :) They are all Cyberpunk 2077 things lol. I’ve largely been a lurker in other fandoms until this one, and this is the first one that finally compelled me to make stuff and that I’ve had the bravery to share. Don’t have many snippets at the moment, all of what I have so far is already out there. Since you asked for all of them though, I shall dish and give you a bit of a peak behind the curtain on how all this got started…
(I’m sorry, this got very rambly.)
And def tag me when you do yours! I will come find you and your wips! 🧡
SIG - So It Goes
(The title is based off the radio song from the game that you can listen to on Morro Rock. Never officially released and credited to the fictional band Fingers and the Outlaws in the game. Officially sung by Ryan Kattner, the front singer of the band Man Man.)
SIG is my current V/River conspiracy theory long fic that I’m working on, and the project is coming up on its two year anniversary. It’s also my first fic. I’m hoping to wrap it up this spring so I can move on to other creative endeavors. There are a lot of art projects, fandom and non-fandom related, that I’ve held off on because of this and I miss those hobbies. I also feel like I’ve been missing out a lot in the writing corner of the fandom too because a lot of new writers have popped up on the scene since I started (back when there was still a monopoly on the tag, but that’s a different story) and everyone else seems to be having fun reading everyone else’s fics, except me… Reading’s complicated for me right now. Writing this had a lot of ups and downs, but overall I’ve loved telling this story, learned a lot, and I’m really proud of it!
I think most people get into fic writing for the ships, the romance, the smut, the processing of internalized trauma, a more satisfactory ending, weird niche interests… And don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of appeal with all that, and definitely those aspects in my own work. But this whole thing got started because of conspiracy theories. I fucking love mysteries and puzzles, so after playing the sun ending and then I spotting Mr. Blue Eyes on the balcony during the conclusion of Dream On, I just about lost my damn mind. I went down the rabbit hole, spent hours reading shards and messages in the game, combed reddit theory posts, and started picking up on all the hints and foreshadowing of something larger looming throughout the game.
I initially didn’t have any answers when I made the decision to start this fic (fuck, high probability I still don’t), it was largely me brainstorming and trying to figure out what kind of story I wanted to write. Seeing if I could even piece things together. But in the process of thinking all that through, I came up with this little theory. I thought it was pretty mind blowing at the time (still think it is) but it’s been my little secret since I got here and I’m very anxious to finally share it.
Most people probably would have just written a theory post and been done with it, but I decided to turn mine into a fan fic lol. Which may or not have been a mistake, we’ll see. This is either gonna be game changing or everyone is going to think it’s dumb and I’m gonna be wearing a dunce cap for the next fifty years.
River Ward. The other half of my reason for writing this fic. I actually wasn’t sure if I liked him at first, it took me a while to warm up to him. But the more I got to know him, the more I started to like him. The more he grew on me. He got hotter over time. Plus, I’ve got a fondness for detective characters and unusual coats, so I should’ve seen it coming.
River’s gotten a lot of flak from this fandom. People claim he’s boring. He’s a cop, so acab. Being unemployed and living in a trailer park with your sister, niece, and nephews isn’t a particularly redeeming quality. I don’t agree with most of those statements, but I do agree with the folks who do appreciate his character, that in terms of development, he absolutely got shafted in the game. This fic is also an attempt to rectify that.
For as underdeveloped as his story arc was, there’s a lot of nuance to his character that I think gets glossed over by the game and most people. We didn’t get much, but out of what we did get, it’s been interesting trying to piece a story together that’s in line with what we got. And I did mention earlier that I like puzzles.
I’ve noticed that a lot of folks tend to lean very hard into the cop aspect of his character, but as far as I’m concerned, River Ward doesn’t give a shit about the law. Conducting an off the record investigation, intimidating a confidential informant, illegally obtaining evidence, breaking into a restricted lab, committing arson for your ex so she can pass a medical exam, conducting another investigation after being suspended; those are not the actions of a man who holds the letter of the law above all else. Those are the actions of man who is determined to get to the bottom of things, and protect people, all while navigating a system that is anything but equitable or fair. They are the actions of a man who is willing to go above and beyond for the people he cares about, even to his own detriment. His own safety. For River Ward, it was never about the law, it’s about justice. And pursuing that sometimes involves breaking the rules.
River is also Pomo. Which is something that was only added in subsequent patches, heavily glossed over in the game, and is only disclosed if you choose to actually romance him. But he’s Indigenous. Native American. And yet he still made a conscious decision to join the NCPD. Given the historical participation by law enforcement and government institutions in North America, and around the world, in the cultural erasure and mass genocide of entire nations, tribes, and communities of people. And given the current state of issues regarding law and judicial enforcement on tribal lands, I think River's character is a rather poignant reflection. Of wanting to good, of wanting the world to be better, but being confined in systems that simply won't allow that. There's a billion other little details I could ramble on about, but his character had the capacity to walk a very fine line of complexities which the game never really did justice to.
Diversity and representation in media are important to me, and I want this fic to reflect that. Being bi-racial, I didn’t get very much of it growing up, so if I can provide representation, even in some small capacity, I think it’s better than nothing. And while I don’t know if I’m achieving that, well, shit if I’m not trying.
I wouldn’t say this story was really meant to be original, but rather to fill in the gaps on the story we got and for me to practice writing. Practice telling a story. CP2077 is a violent game set in a violent world. And I somehow managed to start writing a story that accidentally ended up being a love letter to aikido. (Much to my chagrin. It’s everywhere. In everything. I cannot escape it.) Aikido is a martial art that translates “to the way of peace” or “the path of harmony.” Yet again, another study in dichotomies. How can a martial art, an art form designed to inflict violence, be peaceful? Aikido is as much of a martial art as it is a philosophy. We train to practice and learn that philosophy.
One of the major themes I’m exploring in this fic series is the nature of violence. What it is, the forms it takes, how cyclical it is, that it is a relationship - violence requires your participation. So the question ends up being: how do you break cycles of violence when you live in a world where you are beholden to it? V and River are very much two characters that are caught up in cycles of violence. Will they find peace? I don’t know, but maybe they can find out together.
From The Top
(This one isn’t named after a song. I just decided to start from the beginning.)
From The Top is the VP project I started up last spring where I’ve been taking storyboard style photos of all the main missions. Plus whatever else I feel like. I take all of my photos on PS5 in vanilla photomode and randomly started snapping pictures just because. I did landscape photos, shared a few. Got a bit of nice feedback from people who cared to look and then started branching out. I eventually got to the point where I started a new playthrough for the sole purpose of snapping photos.
Taking VP is very different from writing for me. I don’t have to think about. I don’t agonize about making sure every tiny detail is just right, because for the most part I don’t have very much control It’s candid, intuitive, experimental, it’s straight up play. I simply wait for opportunities to present themselves and capture whatever I think looks or feels interesting to me. It’s easy for me to walk away from it if it doesn’t do well when I post. Unlike my writing, there’s no ego attached to it.
I’m getting to the tail end of this project, I still have a couple of the base game missions to get through, but I’d also like to do Phantom Liberty as well. Not sure what my VP career is going to look like after this, might go into soft retirement. But that’s okay.
NR - Night Running
(Named after Night Running by Cage the Elephant)
Is a sleeper wip that’s currently in the notes, brainstorming, and kitchen drawer phase. It’s part 2 of my Nothing Comes Before Night City series. So It Goes is part 1.
It takes a long time for me to mull over and ruminate on ideas, so this document is largely just a repository for notes and thoughts. Jamming the utensils in the drawer until I’m ready to organize them. I have a very broad idea of what I’d like to happen in this fic, key moments I’d like to hit, but there’s still a lot of refinement that needs to happen, and stories this involved require me outlining. I do already have a running set list of songs to draw from though.
Les Preludes
(Named after Les Preludes by Franz Liszt)
Another sleeper wip, also in the brainstorming phase. These are meant to be one-shots or short stories from the Nothing Comes Before Night City series. Moments I mentioned in the series, but can’t fit into the larger story. Character studies and background lore from V, River, Johnny, Jackie, a couple of OCs and whatever else I can think of.
I will probably start casually working on these after I finish SIG and while I’m outlining NR. I’d like the series to go in chronological order. Should be fun. And I think it’ll be good practice for being more concise. Unlike, this response...
If you stuck around for this TedTalk and made it all the way to the end, thank you! 👻
#wip game#ask away!#tag you're it#cyberpunk 2077#from the top#fic: so it goes#works in progress#long post#river ward#nothing comes before night city
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Writing/Art Update 5.28.2024
So I actually *did* start my next request story. Most of the time, when I go to write a story, it's got a really obvious POV character. This time I waffled for a bit between the two main characters. I was going to do it from Orihime's perspective, but then the more I thought about it, I realized there were some distinct advantages to writing it from Renji's perspective instead. I got 500 words in and then realized that maybe I wanted to do it from Orihime's perspective after all. idk idk. Renji's got more interesting contextual information on the situation that he's not going to say out loud, but I want Orihime to do some cool stuff with her powers and I'm not sure how to describe that without doing it from her POV.
I decided to take a little break from it and finish up my Pumpkin Ghost Orihime (with bonus ghost bats!), and I did that.
And then I got sick.
It's only, been, like a mild illness, but it's really sapped all my energy and I haven't felt like being creative. Every day I say "I will definitely be better tomorrow!"
I really want to get back to my story because I am actually very excited about it, even if I have to write the entire thing out twice and then figure out which one is better (or switch narrators halfway thru which I think would be clunky at best). I just know I spent a bunch of time trying to work out all the things that happen last week and I didn't write them down and now I'm not sure if I remember where I was going with this or not. :( :( :(
Anyway, keep your fingers crossed for me that my brain comes back from the war soon. Also, this week I'll be posting the end of Damage History, which is a little sad (happy-sad?). The last flashback in Ch 12 gave me a sudden hankering to work on Can't Believe I Found You in that Town, my perpetually neglected Renruki teen scumbag story, which picks up a couple of months after they get back from Kitajima's and bridges the end of their time in Inuzuri up to go places. idk idk. I have also been contemplating cleaning up the old, original Renji-breaks-an-arm story, since it got changed considerably in its adaptation into Damage History, but I think the original still has a lot of its own charm and also maybe some people don't want to read 500k worth of Heart is a Muscle (their loss, obvs)
Too many plans, not enough spoons, we'll see what I manage to get around to doing.
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It's me again from the overexcited ramble from earlier BUT I'M NOT DONE
Bart knowing about Gar before others feels so real because he's spent his childhood surrounded by people who felt like Gar does right now, and maybe Gar (not to mention Bart himself) felt like that in the future as well. I wonder how well Bart knew BB in his own time, if he ever really knew him at all, and if it has impact on their current friendship
Oh to see the effects of Bart's childhood on his behaviour in the present, you've sprinkled bits and pieces, and I'm taking it all in like a starving man
And the Thawne DNA confirmed!! GOD it was so good, the love he has for his mom and the despise he has for his grandfather (not Barry obviously) is perfection, I hope Thad got what he deserved when Bart got out
And FINALLY the recognition he deserves with his intelligence, like you said: he knows his stuff. So happy to finally read a fic which shows that Bart is GOOD at what he does, he built a time machine for heaven's sake!
BUT ALSO TYE WAS SUCH A LEGEND LMFAO I love the friendship (or more like feigned frenemyship?) he has with Bart, their dynamic in your fic is hilarious
Okay that was all, thank you for reading this rollercoaster
Your work is absolutely incredible and I can't wait to see where the story/stories are going from here
love the energy 😍 sdfghjkl
yeah i like to think that as soon as gar came back from Mars bart took one look at gar and was like damn he’s going to be going through it
i just imagine mental illness would be extremely prevalent in bart’s original era, i think it’s by-product of a post-apocalyptic society that makes too much sense. And with no system in place to treat it as normal, well bart must have seen some pretty intense stuff
honestly i really don’t know (or have an idea lol) of how well bart new gar in his TL, in my opinion he didn’t know him personally at all. I’m usually in the camp that most of the team had died in one way or another in bart’s time. The ones that i usually do think he knew or knew of “in person” some what at the very least are Barbara Gordon, Wally West (this is a maybe), Lian and maybe that’s about it. It varies with either more members or less, hoe stay i’m unsure, but these r the ones that i typically think of. With how coy bart was when he first came to the past and spoke to gar, honestly anything is possible though lol
i just usually don’t think that the original members were as involved i. his childhoos as some fics make them out to be, one of the biggest reason is because i think the ones who were alive, dispersed to different locations to take part in rebelling etc so it would make it hard for him to know many personally, he might have heard of and gotten details, but beside that it’s really up in the air. The only HC i sometimes think of /include is Barbara Gordon being the one to teach him how to read/write etc education stuff when he was really young and the tornado twins were still alive (so before he was 5), but other than that, idk
“Thawne DNA confirmed” sdfghjkl LOVE THIS, yeah u heard it here first folks, it’s confirmed 😁 jk lol yeah it makes me super happy to include it in AAIT i feel like it really fleshes out his backstory on time related things and i just love all things related to him and his mom and his thawne side, it’s just very satisfying to think about so being able to explore that and HCs in my fic, very fun. I have such a specific vision for Thads involvement in Barts and (ofc as a result) Melonis lives and there will be a little more on that in future chapters, so stay tuned 🤩
PREACH omg the only thing that’s left for us is to see the day his wiki page is updated on it !! capability and intelligence to me is such a key bart feature idk if this make any sense but it just is lol i’d update the wiki myself if i could try to understand the editing process i just don’t have the energy to go thru reading all the rules or figuring it out to do it rn
tye + bart friendship is everything to me i just feel like they’d be rlly entertaining together just so much potential lol
thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts and kind words with me i appreciate it so much <33 and again thank u for reading AAIT, i really appreciate it 🧡
#YJ asks#bart allen#meloni thawne#thaddeus thawne#tye longshadow#young justice#impulse#kid flash#yj#young justice phantoms#garfield logan#AAIT
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hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3
oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3
i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.
because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/
...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.
however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?
( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )
or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?
i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.
but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.
and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.
ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.
i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.
( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )
got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.
idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.
in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.
thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.
tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.
miss you and love you. happy kyle week.
-uncle nina
#sorry this is such a mess#tldr i am busy and a little unstable and my writing has been blah but i'm very into intense world building rn#and i want to do more research and figure stuff out before i try to randomly dish out answers#but i'm thinking now that maybe i should just tell yall what i'm thinking and see how you feel? idk#i do work hard on my character stuff so i hope u enjoy it#but yeah high fantasy is specifically hard for me so i'm watchin movies and reading books and stuff which is dorky#accuracy means a lot to me and its the only way i get relaxed when i feel comfortable in my characters and worlds#political stuff and sciencey stuff is also hard#i also dont even know how accurate that is to the tfbw plotline in actual sp so im trying to watch the show and play#the games idk im worried none of this is canon enough#bc i dont want it to all be fart jokes and asisnine but i do want them to be accurate to the show at least a little#nina stop bastardizing the sp canon#otherwise i am excited to answer my kyle questions i promise i have just been frazzled ill try to do stuff tonight#thanks for sticking with me and i really hope this makes sense i feel like i sound crazy i just...want to do good work#thats all i dont like to do work that feels shitty or lazy and in order to not do that i take a while to think
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Hidden Gem Friday
Hi guys!!! Okay so today is the first Hidden Gem Friday!!! I'm super pumped to be able to do this, I think it's gonna be so much fun. I have like 30 prompts already, so I'm going to try and do a little bit of a variety in these? Anyways!! I'm super psyched about this and I hope you guys leave comments for these writers when you read their stuff!!! Also let the writer know how you found them bc I always wonder when I get a random uptick in hits/comments/kudos! Anyways here's the actual rec list
Shoot by alligator_writes recced by me written by @riality-check! 1.2k words (Complete)- Jancy
Summary:
Jonathan shoots to capture. Nancy shoots to kill.
OR
A character study of the two of them and their relationship.
My Thoughts:
WOW Honestly that's my thought with everything Ria writes, but this one is so overlooked!!! It's so short but every word packs an incredibly punch and it's the epitome of quality over quantity. The characterization is perfect, the parallels are so well written. Ah I just love this one
always surprised by what i do for love by birthdaycandles recced by @andrea-csenge 6.3k words (Complete)- Gen
Summary:
“He’s dressed like Steve.” Dustin says plainly, monotone in that way he gets when he’s genuinely upset and not just worked up for show.
“Why?” Mike is asking because he still hasn’t processed the ugly fact of the matter, reasonably so considering how bizarre it is to witness someone be so braindead in public, but Lucas would like an answer that addresses the other type of why. Like, why is Conner Marrigan such a fucking asshole?
“Clearly, uh, Marrigan wanted to have a costume no one else would think of.” Eddie chimes in. For once he sounds almost nervous, though Lucas has no idea why. “I figured I’d let you know, considering your allegiance to Harrington and also the general fact that it’s a pretty fucked up thing to do.”
My thoughts:
I love this one so much!!!! It's really well written first of all, and secondly the characterization of Lucas here is so unique!! This is my kind of Lucas, and the thought behind the premise is really interesting. Plus the Jason here is accurate to real Jason and I like that a lot (So many people just make irredeemable monster Jason when like before he went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs he was just your regular small town jock asshole)
It has been a beautiful fight. (it still is.) by througheden aka the amazing @thefreakandthehair !!!!! Recced by Lex technically, but also by me bc wowwww 3.3k words (Complete) - Steddie
Summary:
Steve wasn’t sure how the fuck he ended up at The Hideout on a Tuesday night.
Okay, that wasn’t true— Eddie invited him, he was loath to admit that he was still harboring an unexpected and ill-fated crush, and he’d agreed to go before his brain could catch up with his mouth. That's how he ended up at The Hideout on a Tuesday night.
My thoughts
Augh I just love the way you write. Something about it is so flowy, like a river or a silk dress. Anyways this is such a sweet little one shot, I always get so eeeeeee over a first kiss, and this was perfect!!!! I have a v similar idea for a story ending that is taking place soon, so great minds lolol but yes amazing show stopping wonderful etc. etc.
Words caught in my throat (who talks first?) by fragilecapric0rn recced by @flashyysins 12.2k (Complete)- Steddie
Summary:
Steve and Eddie get snowed in together. Emotional constipation and all the things left unsaid are also in attendance.
My Thoughts:
Okay so I said to myself I would put at least one WIP on this, but then I just read this one and Was going to skim it, but I literally couldn't put it down. It's so fucking good and I got choked up more than once I loved all the characterizations they felt so in synch. There are some spicy bits in this so fair warning, but there's also dad hopper and Wayne and stobin soulmate moments and just AUGH this is amazing it really honestly Is everyone should go read this and the fact that it only has 886 hits is a fucking travesty. I could easily see this as one of the seminal steddie fics tbh.
#hidden gem friday#fic rec#steddie fic recs#steddie fic#stranger things fic rec#Steve harrington#Eddie munson#steddie#Lucas sinclair#Jonathan byers#Nancy wheeler#jancy#Jancy fic rec#I loooooved all of these sm!!!#Should I include some of my own in this list ever?#Anyways you're always free to send me more!!!#Liam speaks up
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Mk im not gonna make my blog all abt this but right now im torn inbetween forcing myself to keep calm or spiralling and letting my thoughts drift to the worst scenarios possible and back into a very dark place. But i will say if KOSA actually happens im fucked and so are so so soo many other minors on the internet, especially if they are also part of the lgbt+ community.
as much as i hate to admit im genuinely fearful of the possible outcomes of this and go to the worse case scenarios imma admit im fricking scared. this mixed with my states version of the 'dont say gay bill' being passed like two months ago has me questioning if this is all frickin worth it.
but what i actually came to say, besides the little spiralling breakdown im trying to avaoid, we have to fucking stop this, like sign every petition and anything we need to, call every single mf we need to, just to do anything and everything to make sure KOSA does not pass and ruin so many people's lives and put so many people in danger and also basically change the internet and society as we know it. ill probably make a better post about this soon, one more detailed and when im not in as bad of a headspace, but we've gotta at least try our damn hardest to put a stop to this useless bullshit. and i also wanna say, this is coming from my more fearful and hopeless point of view i try not to give into or share, but maybe we need to start pulling together our fandoms and communities irl, maybe we need to get ready to start groups, programs and other stuff for our states n all so we can still somewhat keep together even if its more local and seems impossible, maybe it'll be worth a shot if all shit goes to hell and so we don't have to fully lose things that we love, like out fandom communities, or writing communities. im too sure how itd work but i just thought id pitch a idea if all shit goes down the drain and we still need a upside to the hell or something.
heres some links ive found through others tumblr posts[all linktrees, carrds, etc go to their rightful owners ofc] and i highly recommend scrolling through the stop kosa and other related tags on here (Tumblr), reading up on everything and signing and doing everything you personally can, especially for those who can't do anything.
This was not heavily checked for spelling/grammar errors because im trying to not freak out and im also dyslexic lolz
#stop kosa#kosa bill#kosa act#kosa#kids online safety act#fuck kosa#this is bullshit#idk man#idk what else to tag#trans writers#idk how to tag this
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struggle bus
this is a mental health/chronically ill post/personal info dump
cn for suicidal ideations, bipolar disorder, depression, mental health
my therapist is on leave for a month, so in the meantime, i'm meeting with my DBT group leader for therapy once a week
the mental health struggle has been real this past month. lots of depression, anxiety, and voices that get so loud that tell me what's even the point of living
i struggle a lot with managing my bipolar disorder and depression. i struggle with getting dressed and showered most days. even the stimulants i'm on don't help as much as they used to before. i spent all day last saturday asleep or crying. i lost a whole day of working on my big bang, something really important to me, because i just couldn't wrangle my brain into functioning in a positive or healthy way
i'm hopeful about sitting with my psychiatrist this thursday and talking about switching antidepressants and maybe upping either the mood stabilizer or the anti-psychotic
i'm also hopeful that he'll be on board with one of the two treatments my other providers have recommended: keta and TMS
both are concerning to me, but they're both recommended for treatment resistant depression
i can't hardly picture what it's like not to be depressed
i know this might be weird to read, because i write such happy/romantic stuff, but it has been a continuous struggle to deal with being so depressed, especially in the past 2 years
i can't keep up writing or my patreon as much as i want to because i'm either too depressed or in too much pain and i just... feel like i let people down because of it
i have been avoiding doing really important paperwork (applying for financial hardship assistance and LTD stuff)
now it *has* to be turned in and the deadline is looming
coming back to this post a few hours later and i feel a bit better sharing this. it's important to me that i share not just the happy stuff but the other stuff that's going on too
i know i will get out of this spiral/flare. it's going to take time and effort, but i *want* to do it
it just gets really hard sometimes
especially when i'm under so much pressure from financial stress
like, i am doing my best to take my benefits and dig myself out of debt while at the same time trying to stay afloat with things like my car payment, car insurance, gas, phone bill, groceries, medical/dental premiums, medical expenses, and everything else
i am hopeful that doing some light SP work will be another income stream and lessen the pressure, but i can't depend on that until you know... i actually start. and who knows how many hours or projects i'll be offered and can physically do?
this flare up has just been awful. i've been flared up since the end of march and prednisone is not doing the trick, which means it's not inflammation, it's probably just EDS
i say just EDS like it's a cold or something when it's a genetic debilitating disorder/syndrome
i think EDS is one of my biggest struggles. it just takes so much energy to keep my joints together
sigh
i just want to be back working full-time, thriving and surviving on my own
but it's not possible at the moment
if i go back to work too soon, i'm just going to wind up in the same place i was in 2021--a big mess
i've been on and am still on the struggle bus
even if it's a struggle bus, i still want to stay on a bus
i still want to be "here"
even if some voices get really loud and try to convince me otherwise
if you made it this far reading, please know i appreciate it
you didn't have to read this but you did and therefore, i <3 you
things will get better.
#compo67#authorial rambles#personal#mental health#mental illness#bipolar disorder#ehlers danlos syndrome
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Regarding the Fate of As Long as We Have Each Other
Dear Anons,
First let me say that I absolutely love your wonderful messages and compliments. They give me life and I treasure them and few things cheer me up more than a nice word or two about my fics and knowing I'm not just typing into the void.
I'll keep trying my best to answer asks if they include questions or bring up interesting points others might be interested in as well (in fact there are quite a few I have been putting off answering because I want to do it properly and that'll probably take an hour or two each, but I haven't forgotten about them!) and you can always message me with other stuff so I don't have to answer publicly (although admittedly it sometimes takes a while for me to reply because irl and anxiety), and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but please,
PLEASE stop sending me melodramatic asks regarding the fate of As Long as We Have Each Other. I get that you are impatient, but they aren't helpful and I got eight of them over the past ten days.
Don't get me wrong, a 'btw I still love that fic, will there be an update anytime soon?' is totally okay and appreciated, those are not the kind of asks I'm talking about.
Now I'm not sure if it's one anon or multiple ones, but my answer hasn't changed so let me copy/paste it from a previous post:
I have decided to finish A Pack of Two first,
Not because I love it more, but because it'll be a MUCH 'shorter' fic than ALaWHEO and I simply cannot keep switching between feral!Wille pov and official boyfriend!Simon pov, especially because both have a very narrow pov and are only aware of like a third of what's going on, and it's driving me bananas.
So yes, As Long as We Have Each Other is going on a short break, but I will definitely get back to it once APoT is done because I'm as enthusiastic about the story as I was on day one, maybe even more so.
ALaWHEO is my favorite fic across all of my fandoms and my baby, but I simply cannot write both it and APoT at the same time. I thought I could or else I wouldn't have started APoT, but I can't and so I had to make a choice.
If it helps, both my notes doc and my outline for ALaWHEO have grown significantly over the past seven weeks and it will definitely end up being over 400k, but only AFTER APoT is done.
Also in all my 23 years of being in fandom (in fact my fandom anniversary will be in 4 days! wtf is time even?) I have only ever given up on posting one fic that made it over 20k and that was because the fandom was an absolutely toxic dumpster fire and not because I lost interest, and even that fic I one day plan to go back to and post in its entirety once the fandom has shrunken considerably and all the 'I might not speak the language or have ever been to the country, but I've read a fan translation with footnotes and a few background posts and so now I totally know the time period and topic you've written your thesis on better than you' people have lost interest. So I promise ALaWHEO will get finished. I'm a completionist. I have all Civ6 steam achievements and believe me that was not fun. The only reason ALaWHEO will not be finished is if I am suddenly for whatever reason unable to write anymore (aka dead or gravely ill).
Anyway. Sorry for the rant. I don't want to call anyone out or seem unappreciative, but my anxiety can only handle so many versions of 'have you completely abandoned ALaWHEO? do you hate it? do you hate me personally for once stating that I didn't like abo fic? I don't know how my poor heart will be able to cope if you give up on ALaWHEO forever and ever but my hope lives on' (no that was not as much of an exaggeration as you might think)
So please stop or I'll disable anon asks, which I'd hate to do because I love hearing everyone's thoughts and comments and also it'd be unfair to everyone else who has been so absolutely lovely, motivating, encouraging and most of all inspiring.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk. (are those still a thing?)
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intro post :3
hiii! im [insert name here]: a stereotypical AuDHD trans girl who still hasn't settled on a name yet-- my life isnt... going well rn, but tumblr makes it a bit more bearable and every little bit helps.
im a trans fem, more specifically i like the term demigirl- which feels like it fits me. im also ace(ish), by which i mean im ace but pretty sex favorable- just don't experience sexual attraction. im also very gay and have the best partner in the whole entire universe (they said they were gonna join tumblr soon- so ill at them here once she does.)
oh yeah and my brain is funky. im a peer reviewed (and officially dxed, but im an advocate of self diagnosis) AuDHDer- which informs basically everything i do. i also have a bunch of the mental illness stuff, and have struggled w it a lot. idrk or care what the exact diagnosis is, spend enough time around insane ppl and you learn a lot of the specific labels are pretty arbitrary and a lot of symptoms are shared- i just describe myself as fucked in the head or legitimately insane
also im never consistent w tags- sorry. maybe one day ill try to be but uh... yeah not today. i do tag for potentially triggering content tho- and try my best to be consistent w it, so if you're sensitive to the following and want to follow me for some weird reason id reccomend blocking them:
#cw sex mention, #cw: substance abuse, #cw: abuse #cw: child abuse, #cw: gore, #cw: sh, #cw: si, #cw: disordered eating, #cw: bigotry, #cw: disturbing content,
id also say in accordance w the previous thing i sometimes say things about my life that are "dark" in a way that can cross a line, i don't mean to do this- and i want to respect everyone's boundaries- but accidentally sharing super dark shit is smth i struggle w.
im a committed anarchist, and i will unabashedly post in accordance w those views. i haven't been able to help people as much as id like to bc of the whole being a minor in a fucked up situation with no money energy or time thing, but im trying to do more. If anyone reading this has suggestions- lmk.
i also like a lot of shit. like A LOT of shit- and i get REALLY obsessed w it too, so it is not out of character for me to start posting a bunch about smth i had not known existed until i got obsessed (as mentioned, AuDHDer). what ill post about is just kinda based on what im feeling that day and my interests, but heres some of my favorite things that im enamored w in no particular order:
games:
mtg
minecraft
hermitcraft (which yes is minecraft and no isnt a game but shut up)
hollow knight / skilkskong 🤡
celeste
metroid
nitw
botw
hades
books
cosmere
the locked tomb
percy jackson
the sandman
six of crows
the hunger games
lotr
spec fic, especially non-traditional spec-fic
shows/movies
spiderman across the spiderverse
made in abyss
hazbin hotel
hunter x hunter
the owl house
Pan's Labyrinth (& other Guillermo movies)
miyazaki movies
wes anderson movies
animated movies & shows
cinematic/classic movies (not neccessarily old just like the literary fiction genre of movies)
weird/offbeat movies and shows
music
coheed and cambria
mcr
jhariah
girl in red
will wood
pinkshift
jack off jill
paramore
mother mother
the cure
chloe moriando
bauhaus
cardiacs
dead kennedys
lena raine
siouxsie & the banshees
milk in the microwave
mitski
penelope scott
sungazer
45 grave
other interests/hobbies n shit
drawing
d&d
writing
painting
guitar
bass
drums
singing
music production
game design
coding
animation
character design
video production
poetry
theater (yes im a fucking theater kid did you even have to ask that)
musicals
even though im solidly gen z, i havent really grown up on the internet the same way. some weird combination of my parents' disapproval of it, social anxiety, autism, and not being allowed to use it for years means that ive had this fear of posting stuff on the internet. for so many people like me the internet has been a place to escape and be themself, to me it's more often than not just a reflection of a reality that seems just as scary and ostracizing.
the thing is... i dont have a lot of friends. i dont have a large community really. and i think though there are some ways in which my aversion to social interactions including those on the internet has been helpful, there are other ways it's really isolated me- both from my peers and a broader community of people.
so im trying to put myself out there a little more. this stupidly long intro post is i think just a way for me to commit to that for myself. ive been so scared of doing it all my life, right now i think i just need some sort of outlet to be myself. who knows? maybe i'll even meet some new friends.
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Trigun Ultimate 1 (Part 2)
09 Chapter. Between Wasteland and Sky
Yeah, Vash! Are you even human? Or are you maybe… A SHONEN PROTAGONIST? Really, peeps and their pain tolerance!
Masking, are you? Or did you just remember that people voice their pain?
No, no, you don’t, Kaite! You are a fucking kid that was trapped between rock and a hard place! Sorry, but you literally had no agency to really decide stuff. You tried to survive. Now you are in a better place, but leave the fucking martyr complex at the door! We have enough of those already in the story. The adults and the world failed you. Yes, you can do better now, but that’s all. I have it up to here already for kids having to take responsibility for actions the adults forced onto them. Parentificiation and growing up too soon is surely a theme in the manga. But damn, I hate this and that Vash does not correct him. Sure, he is in a similar position, but damn, this sucks to read. Someone take those kids and adults that were kids when shit has happened and protect them!
I’ve already seen so many takes on this. It shows that humans are unable to communicate with the plants while being completely dependent on them, but also that Vash has a very different opinion on them than the average man. Humans say delicate and Vash calls her selfish, little girl. Is she selfish? Or is Vash just exhausted at the point and takes it out by talking about her (not on her!). He is in a frustrating position, but the plant is really not an active participant. Things are done to her and done to her body.
Plants need UV, water or oxygen. I still think that Nightow was still forming the lore, because if the plants need water, there isn’t much to go by and it would be a much more sparse ressource!
Kaite trying to sing 21th century dubstep!
Chapter 10: Little Arcadia
Aw, Milly and her family is so cute! I love her stamina to write all of them!
Gun safety is something only Vash seems to do in those lands. How many of the murders in the first chapter where done accidentally by babies handling guns?
I mean, Meryl is not wrong, but that is nothing that would make Vash angry. Poor dude.
And then capitalism came
Chapter 12: River of life
Meryl lost her father, most likely due to illness? But for many, closing yourself off can be part of growing up.
Nope, just our woman having problems communicating. Nice, that she reaches out in the end, though I’d disagree with the notion that the bonds of parents and children are inseparable. Our parents make us who we are, but that does not save us from their abuse and/or neglect, be it done by intent or accident. There are many families that work and are healthy. Milly, Meryl and even Badwick's families are examples for healthy ones. So the words coming out of the mouth of one of a healthy family should be taken with a grain of salt. We will meet other characters that are examples of the opposite.
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[Image description: An illustration of the night sky. A yellow crescent moon is in the centre of the dark blue sky and there are clouds surrounding the edges of the image. End description.]
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hello and welcome! my name's Will.
here's some information about me:
☆ i am an autistic person and i am self diagnosed, though i am currently trying to get a professional diagnosis as soon as a i can. if i say anything wrong/incorrect, please do correct me as im also still learning and figuring stuff out about my autism and just autism in general.
☆ i am mentally ill in one way or another, though i am completely undiagnosed.
☆ also physically disabled with illnesses that are diagnosed (Scoliosis, Hypermobile Joint Syndrome), and suspected (POTS, ME/CFS, Fibromyalgia). i also find it hard to read smaller texts at times, so blogs will mainly have texts in bigger fonts.
☆ i use mobility aids, such as forearm crutches and a cane.
☆ i am transgender and cupioromantic asexual achillian, please refer to me using he/him pronouns.
☆ although verbal, i do struggle with communication via oral speech and sometimes even experience speech loss episodes, so i use AAC sometimes.
☆ i occaisionally may use an AAC board to write posts on here as practice!
☆ when asking questions or interacting with me, please use tonetags!
☆ if i don't respond to asks, it may just be me having a hard time to answer trying to figure out how. there can be other reasons, but i most likely wont ignore you on purpose for no good reason.
☆ i may speak in other languages, like Malay or Chinese. but there will always be translations in either the tags or right underneath the text
☆ this is the more personal sideblog of @yippee-tippees. (i guess?)
what this blog is about:
this blog will mostly be about autism, disability and mental health, though it will mostly be about disability. i will mostly reblog a lot of stuff, but may also talk about my experiences and opinions on here. some posts may have a lot of typos, so i do apolagise for that. i also sometimes will have trouble with grammar and typing as these things can be difficult for me at times, so please be patient with me.
i will also often post/reblog other things i deem important and would like to share! again, please correct me if i say anything wrong as i am still learning. though, you should definately go check out other disabled people and find out more as i am not at all someone that can provide the best information about these things and you should just support others as well.
like mentioned above, im an AAC user even though im verbal and i am self diagnosed when it comes to autism, so please treat me with respect. a lot of what i want to write down here is already above so this is pretty much all! enjoy your stay here.
*please note that im still learning about autism and many other things, so feel free to educate me about anything or add to any replies i give asks if you know about the topic. thank you!
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tagging system:
#important ! : stuff i find important.
#awareness : information about something and to spread awareness.
#acceptance: posts about acceptance.
#<3 (heart emojicon): positivity/reminders.
#rant: rant posts.
#vent: vent posts.
list may keep updating overtime.
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♧ list of special interests & hyperfixations!: Space/Astronomy/Cosmology, Geology, Biology, Greek Mythology, Marine Life, Sharks, Singing/Voice related things, Drawing/Arts, Animals, Chemistry, Pirates, Psychology, Philosophy, Ride The Cyclone, Phantom of the Opera, Welcome Home, The Amazing Digital Circus, Team Fortress 2, Hades Game, Reverse 1999, Good Omens, The Song of Achilles, They Both Die At The End, Simon Snow Trilogy, Steven Universe, Will Wood (& The Tapeworms)
list will keep updating overtime.
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‼️ DNI: Racists/Xenophobes, Sexists, Homophobes, Transphobes, Proshippers, Pedophiles/'Maps', Fetishizers, Ableists, Self-proclaimed 'Aspiesz', NSFW blogs, Anti-agere, Trolls , SH/ED blogs, Autism Speaks Supporters , people who know me in real life unless we’re close (please), people who dislike any of my special interests & hyperfixations (sorry), transabled/transid and RCTA
list will keep updating overtime.
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Thank you for reading my introduction!
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[Image description: A painting painted using what seems to resemble gouache paint. The piece has two pink cats with astronaut helmets on floating next to each other in space, coloured a saturated dark blue. There is a big streak of pink on the right side of the image and small white dots everywhere, resembling stars. There is one big four-edged star on the left side of the piece. End description.]
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20 questions for writers
i was tagged by @isnt-it-pretty! thank you for the tag!!! this looks so fun!
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
currently 4 (but there's another on the way soon)
2. What's your total AO3 word count?
30,992 atm !!!
3. What fandoms do you write for?
i've posted my work for haikyuu!! and genshin, but i also write for mdzs/cql and honestly. whatever fandom gets my attention. (i have an inuyasha wip im working on, and some orv stuff too)
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
i actually only have 4 works but:
follow the tide (with the monsters on your shoulder) for genshin
the world is simplified for kings (to them, all men are subjects) for haikyuu!! (yeah the title is really long but. i'm fond of it)
to touch the sun (and keep on soaring) for haikyuu!!
i will die facing the sun for haikyuu!!
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
as far as i know, i've responded to every comment i've received !!! i love engaging with my readers. it's also easier since i don't have any really popular fics.
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
i don't tend to write unhappy endings and i also only have 4 fics posted. but to touch the sun might have the angstiest ending in the sense that tooru's issues still aren't resolved by the end of the fic. my snf au (current wip) ends on a bittersweet note on account of the mcd inherent to the premise.
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
my happiest ending so far is probably the world is simplified for kings, since the brazil fling get to have a nice time as they fall in love with volleyball. i will die facing the sun also has an optimistic ending, but it isn't guaranteed that oikawa will win at the olympics.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i'm not well known enough for that LOL
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
i haven't yet but it's in the cards !!!
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
i don't write crossovers for the most part. i write fusions/AUs and those can get pretty wild. the craziest is probably my wolf's rain au. i don't think i'll ever write a crossover but i wouldn't count it out!! i've read some good ones. maybe i can be convinced.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i know of. i don't think any of my writing has enough traction for that.
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nope but maybe ill translate some of my own work. and i'm open to it if anyone offers.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
none currently posted!!! but i do have a project i'm working on with a friend.
14. What's your all-time favourite ship?
all-time favorite is really hard bc ranking the strength of my hyperfixations against each other is just cruel. my all-time favorites (plural) are probably haikaveh, iwaoi, and levtsukki.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
ideally. follow the tide is not one of these. i have a lot planned out that i just haven't written or posted. the one that i probably will never finish is living tomorrow. it's an iwaoi relationship study that i really, really want to write but have lost my connection with. i need to find my thoughts on them again and recalibrate and rewrite my current draft if i'm ever going to finish it. but maybe i will!!
16. What are your writing strengths?
i'm not sure. i think i have a remarkable ability to commit to the bit with weird fusions and au's but i haven't really posted those. no matter how silly the idea, i can usually get pretty invested (like my wolf's rain au writing and fanart), and that doesn't really depend on how interested other people are in it. support is nice but not always necessary.
one of my main goals in writing is to get in a character's headspace. i'm a big fan of immersion and understanding who they are and how they think. i try to capture that in writing while adding lots of small personal details to help flesh out the character's life. based on some of the comments i've gotten, i haven't completely failed.
of course, if anyone has any ideas on what my writing strengths are, they're free to let me know <- blatant fishing for compliments
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
erm. well i have thousands of words in unpublished wips so. probably motivation. poor planning. a lot of it is inexperience. my imagery, repetitiveness, poor dialogue or description. those are all things to work on. if i were to look back at my published works, i'd probably cite a lot of the things i've improved on since then.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
oh no this one's controversial. well, i think that if you're writing dialogue in english (or whatever language the fic is in) and your characters are speaking another language. you have a few choices. if the characters say something in another language but you translate it, i would italicize that (ie. "Thank you," he said in Spanish.) if the characters are saying something in another language and it's written in that, i don't really mind whether it's italicized or not, BUT i think it has to be well executed. sometimes that depends on using the term properly, or also on. how in character it is for that character to do that. as a bilingual person, switching between languages/speaking other languages can get pretty complicated, so it really all depends on execution. i don't think that everything has to be translated in the text at that moment, but i think that everything should be translated eventually. footnotes are a good idea!!!! or it should be revealed later in the text, or in the author's notes. but i don't like it when it's never revealed or translated at all.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
warrior cats on ff.net but we dont talk about that. haikyuu on ao3. i wrote some inuyasha stuff in google docs in between but never finished or posted it.
20. Favourite fic you've ever written?
that i've posted? follow the tide. that i'm writing? ack. i really really like the snf au!!! but i like a lot of my other ideas too (daemon au my beloved). im very fond of my mdzs pacific rim au.
i'm tagging @conartisthaiji @monstrsball @wormcoded and anyone else who wants to participate !!
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I promise I will be a better Simblr soon! 😭 There's been such an adjustment period coming back to Tumblr for the first time in years. I'm like... what do I do with this thing? Stories? Legacies? Random screenshots with no context? All of the above??? Is it ok to interact with other Simblrs? Is me liking every post annoying? Because I genuinely like everything. Teach me the rulesssss. 😭😭
No but seriously, I have a ton of stuff I want to post and I'm going to set up a queue one of these days. I don't know if I can do continuous narratives since my brain is all over the place all the dang time these days but I wanna get more involved here. The Sims community is one I have such deep love for.
Like, not to get too personal but... you know what, it's my blog, whatever, fuck it. The Sims games and the community as a whole has given me so much comfort in dark times. When I got the Sims 1 at 16, I was trapped in a shitty home with abusive Fundie parents, no friends, and newly developing mental illnesses. The Sims gave me something to do to get my mind off things. Gave me some of the control I never had in my life. When Sims 2 came out two years later, I discovered the community through image boards (remember those, fellow Millenials?) and never looked back. At a time when I desperately needed friends, these strangers with their cute little pixel people showed me more love than my parents ever did.
Years later, due to circumstances, I fell out of the community and couldn't even play the game anymore. Things changed, I changed. I got medication, I got into therapy, I started trying to make sense of what happened to me. In 2020, when the pandemic hit, I was so scared and confused like eveyone else. I ended up turning to the one thing that gave me comfort 20 years ago when I was a teenager. I am so glad I did.
Not only do I absolutely love my game, I've made so many wonderful new friends from r/sims3 on Reddit. I'm able to express myself again in a way that I thought was lost forever. I've always been a writer but the years of trauma and mental illness took my words away from me. Playing the Sims again has brought the words flooding back. I get so much joy from writing about my beloved Sims and reading others' stories.
I'll never say anything like "the Sims cured my depression" because that's a total lie. I'm still depressed, I'm still traumatized, I'm still on meds and in therapy and will be possibly forever. But this community gives me an outlet that has turned out to be one of the healthiest, most positive hobbies I think I've ever had. I will always be grateful for that.
So yeah. That's all I have to say. I didn't think this would be so long but I guess I just wanted to express my appreciation for this community. I look forward to getting to know other Simblrs and sharing my little world. I just enjoy being here and posting what makes me happy.
If you read this far, I feel like I owe you an apology lol. I won't apologize, though, because my therapist says I do that too much and I shouldn't be sorry to be myself. So, if you're still here, I'm just going to say thank you for seeing me.
#not sims related#tangentially sims related#ramblings#not to get all sappy or whatever#but i guess i just needed to say some stuff#i love the sims
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Loved it? Oh, God, you have no idea how much I loved it!
Like, it was softer than I expected and I adored it (I guess I'm too used to my old usual angst coming from my own fingers lmao) and I adored how it felt so realistic honestly like I could totally see Suguru liking someone bold and lively and seemingly almost opposite of himself! (after all, he is Satoru's best friend, lol(
As for Haunting Adeline, it's good (got to like page 150 or so out of almost 600) but I adore so much the tension and how Zade is both a manipulator but deeply obsessive with Addie, ngl
(Can one tell I'm deeply into Alpha/Omega? No? Should I make it clear with a long, detailed description?😅)
I will have to read that Cult!Geto. A lil bit mean, yummy 😋 (especially if he's mean with his d and hand wrapped around my throat—)
As for my friend, she's amazing, but going through a lot lately. Family stress + a relative being unhealthy + first year of Uni knocking+ mental illness is never a nice combo so I do get her but it's like the fifth day and i don't worried as fuck
Did I miss something? 🤔
Oh! The 13 and 15 year difference between us is not that bad considering they're rlly good kids and I love them dearly, ngl. But it does get exhausting. Especially considering I was in a very stressful situation myself not too long ago and still live in it a little (Uni sucks the will from my soul sometimes). Their love does make it worth tho (and the free food and coffee lmao)
Also, it's kinda payment in my mind for how much my sis is helping me rn even tho she'd never hold it over my head (I need new glasses. And while I had the money to spend on said glasses, I had 0 for food and cigs and she's helping me on this one)
But yes, I agree Hacker!Suguru is just ughh. Like, a lil (maybe more) obsessed, absolutely the type to give you the chills, surely could and has killed some really nasty dudes such as traffickers…yeah
Never getting over Suguru being big and strong and intimidating even tho he's such a kind soul, genuinely. I love him dearly (he looks very hot wiping someone else's blood from his skin, sorry not sorry)
~🦊
I love how long this is— and tbh, i knew what I was writing wasn’t like, what you exactly asked for but I was sort of using that idea in a Satoru fic and 😭 yes. Because angst in fact is>>>> and tbh why I see him going for someone like that is because it probably makes him learn a lot, like shows perspectives yk?
Personally I’m not into yandere or omega/alpha dynamics but the maybe I’ve just not delved into the right stuff — altho I think I won’t be into it, I feel like I should try reading on it more to get a good idea on it. As in, it helps writing but be my guest and explain as much as you’d like lmao
I won’t spoil much and it’s not any particular plot lmao I just initially wanted to write smut but then idk and it’s like cult geto and you’re a non-sorcerer but at the same time he’s sort of in love with you (classic and obviously). I don’t expect much interaction on it with people and I’m so afraid because many people (like yk the bigger and more popular fandom writers) have already done this idea so it is overdone slightly? But I just wanted a go at it.
That’s good for you for sure because I personally could never💀 I just really don’t at all like kids and I do hope things get better for you soon.
And I just saw this feel like this hacker guy and this girl (idk what movie’s edit it was but istg that’s my inspo now) though I do apologise because it may take me a day or two (a week?) to deliver because I got this test coming up. And suguru who can manhandle you>>> wait though- suguru wiping your blood (just as an idea sorry if you’re not into that!)
#from.🦊baby#☼࿐𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐄.𝐍𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒#☼࿐𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠→#I love your ideas so much#like the literal perfect#though like I need to expand more on Nanami and toji these days😭 because they look so empty where in gojo and geto get all my attention
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