One might wonder why I'm so specifically hung up on the driving issue on Shabbat, when I tend to be liberal on other issues. So let me explain.

In addition to the fact that it is inarguably melacha (forbidden work), I have some major ideological and just practical issues with it, too.

First, by having your community within walking distance, you create a real community. People know where others live and eat by them and socialize more and better. You don't have the immediate "pack everyone up in the car and drive off" flurry after services, but rather more leisurely conversations as you stroll home or to another person's home, or to the park, or to mincha, etc. The instant everyone lives all over and has the ability to just take off to another part of town, you ruin both the slow pace of the day as well as lose out on the closeness of community. (There's also a lot that could be said about Jewish participation in white flight from city centers and how this enables it, but that's a can of worms that I'm not sure I want to open.)

Second, it's a way of treating creation as sacred, because that is a whole 25 hours during which you are not driving your vehicle and therefore burning more fossil fuels. Shabbat is meant to be a day of rest after the seventh day of creation; what better way to honor it than by reducing your impact on the environment?

Third, for those of us who commute, it's not just symbolic work, but invokes the atmosphere of workweek work (not just melacha, which is sometimes much easier than the shabbosdik workaround.) For me, it totally ruins the Shabbos atmosphere every minute I'm in the car, because it just feels like any other day going to my job or running errands.

So even just beyond the fact that it is melacha, there are solid practical reasons to avoid driving on Shabbat.

one last thing I will say on that topic. Americans getting upset about you calling out Zionism. When you're not talking about Judaism or in fact, about religion at all. When you're talking about a national military funded by a country that has been dropping bombs on the middle east since the 1980s. But then I suppose when people who are so so so comfortable with equating a whole religion, or further a whole entire group of multiple ethnicities, with simply 'terrorism', are criticised on any aspect of their wrongdoings of course they must think we're talking about their whole religion. Literally every word is a projection.

Messages from your guides 🦋

-Reuploaded and reedited old Pac-

Hi loves! Welcome to this pac about what your guides want to tell you. This pac is an old one I decided to correct, rewrite and add some more information. Take a deep breath before choosing your pile, take what resonates and leace what doesn't. Hope you like it 💕

Decks I used: Tarot of the Faeries, goddess guidance oracle, astrodices.

For private readings click here

Pics are from pinterest, credits to their owners

(Left-> pile 1/ Middle-> pile 2/ Right-> pile 3)

Pile 1:

Welcome pile 1! I see you've been very busy with a goal you want to achieve, maybe related to your job, studies, family, a glow up... idk what it is but it has took a lot of your time and energies and you might feel like you have lost some opportunities for yourself on the road because of giving too much attention to other priorities. This can be giving you some anxiety, you might be feeling exhausted and energetically drained because all the energy you've been investing, don't think you lost any opportunity or have lost time in not so important things, there are times when we think we have a great chance to do something but if the plan doesn't goes on it's because Universe has something better for you in store you haven't discovered yet, or simply it’s not the best time to make it and you must wait a little more to be in the perfect timing.

Your worries can be solved in a more peaceful stage than you are now, do something that helps you fight that anxiety and clear up your mind to take the next steps without any baggage. Go and take a walk on nature, give yourself an spa day at home or simply light an incense and meditate a few minutes, your mind needs rest and peace, so give yourself the time you need to recharge energies, you know you can't keep going on with all that noise in your head, the world won't fall down if you take a day off. Think about something nice to do for yourself and simply do it, we both know you need it and you'll be thankful with yourself after giving you that time, also if you could apply this self love activities as part of your daily rutine it would be great, like taking a day every week to do something that makes you happy and raise your vibration.

Your guides want to tell you that this is just a phase of your path and it will end to give birth to new chapter, they want you to learn to treat yourself in the same beloving and protective way you treat others and that’s why your guides make so much emphasis into self care and resting. Maybe you're used to to take care of others or being over productive but you are leaving yourself and your wellbeing behind and your guides want you to invest more time, patience and love in the way you treat yourself. Remember how strong and fierce you really are, you're full of power so take that leadership energy to determine where do you want to lead your life at the same time you give to you some time to relax and disconnect, a clear mind takes better decitions in life. Also, you have a big power to manifest, so positive affirmations could work very good for you at this moment, as a personal recomendation look in YouTube for positive affirmations while sleeping and play them at night, when we are asleep our brain is more receptive to this.

The astrodices tells you that you should be focusing into expressing your ideas with others and don't repress yourself, there’s a huge importance here in unblock your throat chakra to communicate yourself in a clearer and better way. You need to be honest with yourself and others, if you don’t agree with someone you have the right to say it and you have also the right to share your opinions without the fear of being judged, attacked or rejected, if someone gets mad over an opinion it’s their problem not yours always you are being respectful and polite expressing it. You need to socialize a little more, getting out of your routine and spend more time with the people you love, you really need this cozy time to gain strengths for an upcoming offer that Universe is going to bring you soon and you won't reject. There’s a new golden door opening up for you but you are not aware of this yet, would be good if you move the energies aroud you, it can be as simple as making excercise or dancing to move your own energies or maybe changing the furniture distribution in the space you spend more time in, try a little change so the energies can flow to you in a more peaceful way.

-Your guides want you to know that they promise you a great and bright future, and inside of you, you already know you're going to reach the stars if you propose to. The only thing that keeps you away from your goals is your own mind and perfectionism, so trust in yourself and your potential, allow yourself to fail and keep in mind that great things take time to come and for you, there are a lot of miracles about to come that you can even imagine yet. Btw, if you're having some economical difficulties just take time, keep strong by now because very soon the most random and unexpected solution will appear in your life, so stop worrying so much about that aspect, your needs will be supplied. You have made it until now and your guides want you to know how proud they are of you by giving you the blessings you deserve, be open to receive them. Also, to attract abundance the best key is to practice gratitude, make yourself a gratitude journal or simply list all the things you are thankful for, from a blanket to keep you warm at nights to a friend that worries about you, you’ll see how naturally blessed and abundant you really are.

Pile 2:

Hi, pile 2 and welcome to your reading! The number 4 has appeared a lot in your spread, maybe this number is important for you or it’s going to be repeating a lot, number 4 is related to spiritual protection and divine guidance. I see that you have lift some healthy boundaries around you to protect the important things for you, maybe you've been starting a new project and you have been quiet about what you're doing, idk what it is but I see you very protective about you and what you are planning for your future, like you really want this plan to work perfectly and you refuse to let anybody ruin your hard work and manifestations. You're doing the best for you and you know it, you are being more confident and you feel a lot more powerful but I must warn you that not everybody likes to see you doing so well, there's an energy of envy and jealousy from someone in your enviroment, probably a woman or dominant femenine energy that has some internal wounds that she is projecting onto you, so you're doing great by keeping your goals for yourself and not spread your victories with everybody, sometimes people that is vibing in insecurities and envy can send negative energy subconsciously to their object of desire, something like evil eye but not exactly evil eye, keeping money, career and love life private is the best protection you can make use of at the moment.

Now you are in a triumph moment so enjoy it with your beloved ones of the fruits of your labor, the people close to you that trully loves you will celebrate your victories by your side and will be glad of all the good you have achieved. Give yourself credit for all you have done to be in your current situation, maybe it’s the time to give yourself a gift for your hard and great work because you are doing amazing and you deserve a prize, something that motivates you to keep reaching goals. For helping yourself to attract success, your guides ask you to do more fun things and indulge yourself more often, you deserve to enjoy and have more fun, you are going through a massive glow up and you also deserve to see the admiration in the eyes of others when they look at you. You'll find out how many miracles happens in your daily life and your conection with your guides will make so much stronger, also this will improve your intuition and it will help you to see clearly when people has bad intentions with you to know when you have to keep your guards up, you’ll feel highly protected by your spiritual team and you'll see how people will want you to liked them, you are going to feel a new level of confidence you never imagined.

Soon you will get an unexpected invitation to go somewhere or do something different and you will feel very confortable with the plan, you will meet nice people and open up for them, you'll let your walls down for this new people entering your life to create new and healthy connections with others, something inside of you will tell you they are trustworthy and they will feel the same for you. There you'll find a soulmate, maybe a best friend or a love interest, it wil be different for each of you but will be someone that will bring so much joy to your life, I see this specific person is part of your soul tribe and will help you improve the best parts of you, so allow them to enter into your life and enjoy the unconditional love you deserve and are about to receive.

The astrodices tell you to be more adventurous and go more often out of your comfort zone, it’s the moment to release control and embrace the unknown, this will help you feel more confident and comfortable in your own skin, also this will remind you how resourceful and wise you are and you ability to move driven by your intuition. It’s your time to have fun with life, to laugh and enjoy the blessing life brings you, to explore your creativity and to be open to new oportunities. Being logical, productive and grounded are great qualities but when we learn to flow and stop trying to control the outcome is when we receive the best ressults, work with assumption law and believe that your dream life is already yours, your future self is living it. Everything will be more than fine.

-Your guides want you to know that you are in a process of transformation, Kali appeared in your spread to tell you that somethings are made to live with the old version of you and they have to keep in the past while you move into the future. Embrace the changes of endings and watch the beauty of the new beginings with the eyes of a child, let yourself get impressed with the little miracles of life and how you are surrounded by them, I see you are more creative and graceful than you realize. Also your guides ask you to make a sacred space for you to recconect with your inner self when you get overwhelmed with your responsabilities, make a corner in your house where you can light some candles, play good music and relax from the daily rutine, you deserve to have moments of joy with yourself. As a recommendation, you should get a tourmaline, a Tiger eye or any protective stone or charm, to keep negativity away from you. Also, your guides wants to make you know how proud they are of you.

Pile 3:

Wow, pile 3, your energy is so soft and tender, I really love it 😍. I see you are very sensitive and nurturing to people (maybe Cancer or water vibes), you enjoy of making people happy and counseling and comforting them when they need a friendly help, you like making other people’s life a lot more easier. I can also see that you might be an empath or extremely intuitive, you have a very witchy vibe, when i connect with your energy, faeries and buterflies come to my mind, so I feel that you are a very special person and probably have some extrasensorial gift, surely this is my spiritual pile.

Anyway, your sensibility to energies and emotional states of other people might have opened the door to some narcissist people come into your life, you are so loving when it comes to care the needs of others that you can leave yourself in a second place for attending other people's feelings. Right now there are some people in your life that are draining your energies and are not leaving anything positive back, analize with a cold point of view who are the people in your enviroment that are always coming to you to solve their problems for them, for sure you'll find someone in your life that has this toxic trait with you. You'll have to act in a more selfish way ( I don't like the word selfish to describe this but I’m doing my best with my English), put yourself, your feelings and your needs as the first and most important things in your life and if someone is taking too much from you, just stop them, you deserve to be on a pedestal and treat yourself with the same kindness and love you treat others.

When you start limitating and setting healthy boundaries to this kind of people you'll see how your energies start to raise up and you will begin to feel better with yourself. Your ideas will clear up and you will start to see things with a wider perspective, being loving and nurturing with people that reciprocate what you give them, but also being gentle and aware of your feelings and when someone is hurting them. This can be difficult when you've been used to to take so much care of others, but when you start giving to yourself the same amount (or more if it’s possible) you give to the rest of people it's a transformative experience, like in pile 1, you deserve to feel the love you share.

The astrodices tell you that you need a change in your habits or routine, more self care is needed in order of your wellbeing. In the other piles the energy is really focused into success but this one is an expansive energy that emanates to others but leave a very little for yourself, like you are taking away things you like or want to do to please others. You got Venus, Pisces and the 6th house that talk about getting in touvh with your sensibility and befriend it, with pisces there’s also the message to connect more with your spirit guides, they are really close to you but they can’t interfere in your life if you don’t give them permission for the Divine intervention. You’ll be going through some kind of spiritual awakening that will make you more intuitive when it comes to negative people or enviroments, allow Universe guide you through this chapter of your path and increase the amount of time and love you invest in yourself.

Your guides want you to know that you are spiritualy protected, you have more guides than usual, so there's nothing to worry about, your spirit team is big and powerful. The ones that plant seeds of love in the world will get the love multiplied in the harvest, you have planted light in the hearts of the people that come into your life, appreciate those lovely attributes about yourself and don't let anybody darken this, you are full of love and it’s admirable how anybody can take that off from you. Work in your inner peace and wellbeing and set the healthy boundaries you need to protect yourself, in the higher planes there are a lot of spirits taking care of you so trust that they won't let nobody treat you in a bad way without paying it back. For connecting in a deeper sense with your guides you can take a minutes to meditate, light some rosemary or cover a white candle with honey and cinnamon to attract happinness.

But being a vampire and living on while your children dies? We have seen that with Louis already. Now Daniel too? Would that be compelling? Daniel has no illusion of him being an intellectual. He is simply in it for the money. He was a shit father and now wants to leave something for his daughters. And he doesn't want to remain alive long enough to see her daughter's relationship coming apart. I don't know how it was for Daniel in the books, how he felt about kids, but for the show!Daniel- it seems like he is trying to make amends.

But then on the other hand you are right about RJ saying that he won't disappoint DM fans. But I am not sure. To me RJ seems to be building up on Anne's work. Giving it a depth and tweaking and playing with the themes. What is the core essence of DM? What is the theme of DM? The addicting pull of vampirism? Madness? Cycles repeating (Marius-Armand-Daniel) ? Wasn't there this character in Dracula? Someone who was almost like a pet to the Count? A man who lost his mind in service of the count...isn't DM similar only now the addiction goes both ways and mingled with love? Sorry I haven't read the books. But I have been wondering about this for a while.

Hey!

You mean Renfield (in Dracula), and yes. He lost his mind over the confrontation with and the possibility of immorality. And yes(!), there is that to it all as well, and this is part of the Devil’s Minion arc.

And it concludes with Armand capitulating, because he cannot let Daniel die.

If it’s alright, I‘d direct you to @cbrownjc‘s wonderful additions to your previous ask here - because the VC differ here in contrast to other vampire media.

In the VC it is not about the triumph of humanity ... it is about accepting the monster that they are and always will be. The last book literally gives them a means to celebrate what they are, accepting, building a community... through the Blood Communion. (And yes, that is as bloody as it sounds.)

And as per Daniel being a shit father... we actually do not know much yet. We know Daniel's memories were wiped. How? When? Why? And... maybe most interestingly - by whom? We cannot yet know what this arc means for "old man Daniel" because the "Memory is a Monster" tagline does apply to him as well. We hardly know anything yet.

What we do know that Daniel is a Pulitzer Price winner. He has written books. There are truths buried in these books, books already (as well) hinting at the "odyssey of recollection".

So. I actually think the linked reblogs put it quite well, I think that the upcoming seasons of The Devil's Minion (I think it will stretch out over several seasons) will echo the capitulation arch of both Daniel and Armand.

Against all vows to never turn someone, Armand won't be able to let Daniel die. And (old) Daniel won't be able to not accept - because he loves Armand. "And yet he loved this thing." (That's a quote^^)

The Devil's Minion is one chapter in "Queen of the Damned". It doesn't really pay much into the bigger story. I can only recommend reading it before season 2.

Ok, thanks to Twitter I have new theories about Roier. This time applying as many elements as possible that we have obtained so far, and adding details that we often forget about the narrative. Do you remember that there was someone, a person/entity, helping qCellbit that resembled the resistance, but later we discovered that the resistance was completely unaware of what qCellbit was doing? One theory is that this person/entity was the one who took qRoier, perhaps even to look for qCellbit in Purgatory. I was thinking about who could ``kidnap'' qRoier, the Federation, the Eye, Dark Cucurucho, the Resistance… there are many options, based on Roier's description of the situation, of it being a black, dark place, etc. It fits very well with the way Dark Cucurucho and The Eye works. Roier's Skin makes him look like he vomited, he's full of bruises, but his clothes are generally pretty torn, which makes me think he tried to escape, and that's why he sent requests for help in the global chat, but because he was Under the influence of some drug, or even radiation(because some of the effects of Radiation are dizziness, vomiting, burns and skin wounds, etc) , he was confused to type the words correctly. He also mentions that the battery is running out, assuming that his RP involves some communication device, for him to have access means that he escaped from the hands of his captors and now maybe he´s lost somewhere. CC Roier doesn't really like the kidnapping plot, so I don't think this one will be like traditional kidnappings, I don't think it will be like what they did with qQuackity, qFelps, etc. That's why I don't think it's the usual Federation. I know Cucurucho threatened qCellbit talking about consequences, but maybe it's not about that now. And maybe, in fact, he won't get involved with Quackity in limbo, at least not now, I think it's related to Lore that he was working in secret, that he told Leo and Richas. Maybe trying to find his husband, he discovered something and now they are after him. Let's see if he gives us some answers today.

how destiny's child emotion and killugon are post-separation parallels; a very, very long analysis i wrote in 2h

hi! im danaë, an autistic person which sp-in is psychology and hxh, mainly killugon. i spent two hours yesterday writing about this topic instead of sleeping so enjoy it lol

WARNING!! if you didn't notice THEY'RE LOVE INTERESTS. this text isn't killugon-free, im proud of it AND im blocking everyone that cries about them being only besties. respectfully, no. thank you. (also, english isn't my first language. sorry for any eventual spelling mistakes!)

right on the first verse we hear "it's over and done / but the heartache lives on the inside / and who are you clinging to instead of me tonight?". this could apply to both gon and killua.

gon & "and who are you clinging to instead of me tonight?". killua left with alluka, he has someone to care about and protect. he has company. gon isn't the type to be jealous of a little girl (really, people need to wake up about it. he isn't), but he IS the type to be sad about not being cared even if he denies it. he's a kid; every kid likes to feel protected.

but the thing is, killua isn't happy about it neither. even if he loves to protect alluka, it's different. he loves her, of course, but there's the lack of the warmth of being mutually cared because gon ALSO cared about his well-being (and im fighting everyone who says he didn't). im not saying alluka won't care for killua, but she'll care like a little sister does, not how someone that love you romantically does — and that's good because killua would NOT be able to make it if anyone tried to be the tiniest bit of what gon was when they parted ways.

and then comes this: "and where are you now? / now that I need you? / tears on my pillow / wherever you go, go". oh, dude. this is so killugon i feel ashamed of trying to explain to hxh community /hj

they both were constantly hurting from being away, even though this was the best for them at the time. they wanted each other to be near, wanted and needed, but they couldn't. there is this thin and fragile veil of deep sorrow that would make them get so attached to the other that would be more sickening than the sadness of losing their "other piece" for a while. it's more worth crying over memories than losing their mind from being deadly (metaphorically and literally) codependent.

this links to the next phrase: "i'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean". crying alone is more safe than being next to each other. they'll cry over memories, as i said, and they'll cry about distance and they'll cry over everything that could've been different. they'll find the other in their tears, the hugs will come out of the bittersweet sorrow they carry around, but they'll be separated. they can cry rivers that lead to a valley of what it was and what could've been, but it'll be all. the sadness won't make them be together again.

there comes killua part: "you'll never see me fall apart". he needs to be the big brother now. he need to be alluka's point of safety so he can assure their existence, and for this killua needs to be strong as a rock, he needs alluka to look at him and think she can trust him with anything. he's the big brother, isn't he? emotions about a past that doesn't belong to him anymore aren't going to help with surviving. but he does break silently, while he is trying to sleep ("tears on my pillow"), when something looks to much like a typically gon thing, when memories crawl in. he's just a fragile boy needing to use the super strong hero facade again.

the first part of the next verse is "in the words of a broken heart / it's just emotions taking me over / caught up in sorrow, lost in the song / but if you don't come back / come home to me, darling". this is suffering. both of them are heartbroken, left "alone" to face worlds they feel they don't belong to anymore, wanting their partner in crime to make things less insufferable. they remember the other on daily little things — a song, a quote, a smell. but killua never comes to visit and gon isn't able to do it either — there's no home left besides each other's hearts, and they live there rent-free even if it hurts like hell. memories hurt, the past is like glass and salt being poured into an open wound to later be mixed with alcohol, but they aren't able to say goodbye to it because saying goodbye to the pain is like saying goodbye to the last tangible thing they've from each other — ironically, the pain of being separated —, and the last thing they want is to say goodbye again so they hold it close to their hearts like a trophy.

but as if they're bargaining, here comes "don't you know there's nobody left in this world to hold me tight? / and don't you know there's nobody left in this world kiss goodnight?". there's people, but there's nothing of what they need. they need someone that knows how to make them feel safe, loved, safe — nor alluka or mito can do this for neither gon or killua the way they need it to be done. they try to, but they can't because the type of sadness they're carrying is exclusively from a love that never had a true end; they parted ways, but never stopped loving each other even if their trust was a little bit weaker, and carrying a love that is technically in open hurts so much that no one can try to mimic how it was. a tight hug from mito or alluka won't be the same of a silly headpat from killua or a bright smile from gon because isn't about the act but who's doing it.

and then we've the last verse before the music repeats itself, that i truly believe that wraps up everything in killugon's love story: "i'm there at your side / a part of all the things you are / but you got a part of someone else / you gotta go find your shining star".

gon wanted to find ging and be back at whale's island; killua had to protect alluka. they felt so much love, but they had other people in their lives too that needed to be looked over. even if their story is forever intertwined at some point, both of them are mix of a lot of people and have small amounts of them inside themselves. this is what makes it a tiny little bit easier to go through not having each other near: other people. the tiny pieces of every person they've ever met that created their personality and their new horizons are what eventually make them heal from all the suffering and sorrow and finally be able to reunite again, friendship strong and a love so healthy like a daisy that just blossomed.

they're forever in love. the distance and the sadness was necessary for them to see that things can be hard to handle alone, but they're never alone as they have other people that care for them deeply and are willing to see them fully happy — just as in emotion's music video. when they learn to be complete by themselves, they can multiply together and form a relationship that adds up, not that is dangerously subtracting their mental health. they deserve to love each other when they're ready. ♡

end of the analysis. thx for reading this bible i wrote in 2h lol

nal. if you're still doing these. 🌧️🌧️🌧️i believe in you 🌧️🌧️🌧️

🌧️Share something angsty from your WIP.

😈😈😈 thank you kota thank youuuuuuu

Prisons like Tartarus, and Iron Maidens; 24/7 full body restraints, solitary confinement, induced comas and long-term sedation; the Targeted Instant Elimination System— As punishments, they are not cruel and not unusual. They’re used around the world and has become basic detention methods. According to most governments around the world, they are not degrading; they are not inhumane. Quirks has changed the standards of what it means to be human; and thus, what indignities are considered allowable for a human to experience and suffer through has also changed... [...] When one is deemed as having lost the privilege of being called human; when one is seen as barely human at all, there are no human laws, morals, or social norms can’t be suspended to contain such a beast. But it goes the other way too. If you aren’t considered a person; and if you too come to not consider yourself as belonging to the group of beings called ‘people’, then human laws, morals, or social norms don’t apply to you. Human connections and community have no meaning. Concepts like belonging, compassion, or the future do not exist. After that, there is nothing a beast such as you can’t do to an actual person.

tho i have to wonder if this is angst? Or just me on a soapbox.

Well. If not, and with all the rainy cloud emojis, here's Spinner angst:

"I..." I want to follow him. I want to help him. I want to see his dream come true. I want— "Don't worry about it," Spinner mutters. "It's nothing important. Doesn't really matter." Because it doesn't. There's not anything to do, these are just feelings that tumble around inside of him, just dreams that he can't control until he wakes up. That's all there is and that's fine. Spinner knows the step after realization is... confession, but he won't be doing that. Confess to Shigaraki Tomura. Sounds crazy. Shigaraki doesn't have time to deal with things like romance or dating or whatever this is. Plus— I'd been an empty shell. It's why I hate everything. Every living, breathing thing just rubs me the wrong way. Where's room for —love— in all that rage? Shigaraki has given the League enough proof that he tolerates them, trusts them, might even like them, that they are exempt from 'Destroy Everything', but a small quiet part of Spinner wonders. What's after annihilation? What happens when there's nothing else to destroy? Never mind that the probability some of them won't survive this apocalypse is certain enough. The thing about that rage, Spinner knows - has felt himself - is how it's fueled by grief, which itself is a bottomless black hole that can and will smother and eat away at everything. You'll never be able to get back what's lost, and whatever manages to regrow, breaking through that dead-dry ground, is never the same. Colder, smaller, uglier. It's hard. It's survival. There's only essentials and the little space left available is for very precious things. For the few special memories, for fleeting moments of peace, for wild hopes and dreams. Those dreams of Shigaraki's, Spinner will protect. For him, that's enough. Already more than he had ever hoped for.

I have an honest, genuine question here, if only for the sake of the fact that I would like to hopefully inspire some polite conversation about this very sensitive topic: what genuinely makes people in this fandom believe that by "watching the live-action drama only," it enables them to think they're free of any responsibility in contributing to these authors' platform and pockets?

(Lindsay Ellis talked about this with JK Rowling and how the HP fandom are struggling with this same exact issue, and a lot of her talking points can apply to the KP fandom too, if you'd like to watch her video on Youtube.)

And before I go any further, I know I may come off obnoxious and mean af, but I'm really really trying not to be. :'D This is honestly just a question I'd like to present to the KP fandom at large.

This question is not meant to be a jab at any of you nonnie(s) or to be provoking in any way, but I'm really just wondering if it somehow got lost in the sauce that DAEMI's involvement with this production was quite extensive (namely, with casting and the script). While I don't know the terms of how royalties are distributed from this show towards the original authors, what they may or may not gain financially, they do gain undoubtedly in platform and notoriety.

Because the way I see it, no matter how much we hate it, the fact still remains that DAEMI are still the original authors of the KinnPorsche franchise. Not reading the novel and/or pretending it doesn't exist won't erase that. If anything, pretending this novel series doesn't exist, or that DAEMI are not the original authors, only whitewashes this IP and the way I see it, not exactly the most conductive way in actually trying to have a meaningful conversation around this series.

Let's not even delve into the fact that by trying to erase DAEMI's name from this IP, people are essentially trying to steal an original creation of POC(s), give full credit to the production company of the show (who based their script on DAEMI's novel), all in an effort to make themselves feel better about engaging with it.

And don't get me wrong; DAEMI being POC does not exempt them from criticism and outright boycott.

Having said this, I may not like DAEMI as much as the next person and do not condone any of their harmful actions, but it also doesn't mean I condone stealing what's rightfully their written work and their monumental contribution to the show.

That, to date, KinnPorsche the Series is still arguably the biggest BL show to come out of Thailand, that this novel was undoubtedly the roadmap for which the drama was based off of.

That to sabotage the success of this novel license series also means to disregard the hard work of both the translators and the artist, to take away credibility from the original cast members who made the live-action drama such a large success that this novel license is even possible today?

That to sabotage the success of this novel may also mean to potentially close an avenue for other SE Asian queer media to succeed down the line?

Because I assure you, when it comes to this sort of thing, money talks. When the execs of SevenSeas looks at the performance of KinnPorsche the novel series and how the pre-order numbers are doing, the numbers tell them whether it's viable to invest in SE Asian queer media or not.

Because believe you me, considering SevenSeas most likely has a social media team, the vitriol being thrown around right now only tells them the VERY unflattering picture that the KP fandom (or any Thai BL community that has a fairly successful IP behind it) is volatile af and also incredibly BIASED, considering at least half of the people outright condemning this license and want it gone are also Build stans.

That at the end of the day, the only real, truest way to fully take away DAEMI's platform for good is to just flat out drop KP-both the novel series and the show-and let it disappear into the annals of entertainment history?

Now, am I pressuring you nonnie(s) or anyone to spend money on the authors? HELL NO. Do whatever you want with your money, I won't judge you.

But is it really not possible for the mindset of, "I do not condone these authors' horrendous actions in the past, but I would like to support the novel series in honor of the artist and the translators, as well as help contribute in bringing in more SE Asian queer content to a wider audience in the near future. My support of this novel series is not a full reflection of my own character, and I refuse to let online randos dictate it otherwise" to exist?

And honestly, nonnie(s)? That's something you all have to figure out for yourselves.

Slight rant/ted talk

Trans People are People Too

So this person on tik tok responded to one of my comments, saying "they/them pronouns wtf y'all are still on that?"

One thing to note: I did not mention my pronouns in my comment nor are they in my name. This person had to have gone onto my profile, saw my pronouns and then decided that they needed to make a comment about it.

A ton of people responded to their comment defending me and other gender non-conforming people.

This person then went on to make a comment about what gentiles I have. 1, they have no way of knowing. 2, that's super fucking creepy especially considering i am a minor.

Many people called them creepy and they said, "it's not creepy, every woman has one" which is just incredibly false. Also how tf would they know what genitalia I have?

They continued to respond to other people under my comment while actively ignoring all of my comments, especially the one where I stated that I was a minor and it doesn't really matter whats in my pants.

The worst part of this though was their most recent comments. They said that "people like her make all the gays look bad"

They then revealed that they are gay/a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

To be honest I wasn't upset at first. I'm used to cis het people being ignorant bigots towards minorities. Especially when they have the cover of the internet to shield them. But a member of my own community? Not gonna lie that hurt a little bit.

I know it's just a stranger on the internet but if our own community can't stick together what hope do we have?

I live in the US and frankly it's scary right now. All of these bills and people in power who would rather focus on getting rid of the gays then helping the kids being shot I'm schools. It's so sad.

And to all the people telling people like me who aren't happy with our country "just move then" it is not as easy as you are making it sound. People can't just up and move across seas or across the continent.

I know they would like that though. If everyone who dares to be different would just leave and stop complaining about our rights being stripped from us.

I'm being told by my grandfather that it's not actually that bad. Maybe not for him, he's a cis het white man who only watches Fox News. I commented on one of his bigoted transphobic posts on Facebook and he blocked me and refused to respond to any of my messages. He then called my mom a bitch when she got pissed at him.

We're back on good terms now thankfully. He still has some effed up opinions on LGBTQ+ people, which is hard not just for me but my little sibling as well.

This is the same man who used to tell me to stand up for my country and the things that I believe in. I guess that only applies to things he agrees with.

Our community is being told to stop being so loud about our rights and maybe people would like us more. Imagine if we talked to women in the 1920s and informed them that we are still fighting for equal rights even 100 years later.

I don't care if things are "better now." Better doesn't mean good or safe. People are still being killed for this. We are moving backwards instead of forward. Don't they know history is doomed to repeat itself? Especially if they refuse to make changes.

I informed my uncle of the new bill in Florida about how trans kids are being ripped away from their families just because their families support them. He said "yeah that'll get fought. It won't stay for long."

But he also said that this bill would never get passed. I love my uncle and he means we'll but he still has a lot more faith in our country than I do. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. But it's also leaving him ignorant to a lot of the things that are going on.

Even if that bill doesn't stay "for long" as he says it's still a problem now. People are fleeing Florida and parents have already lost kids to this fucked up system. That's going to cause irreversible trauma on not just the parents but kids as well.

My uncle also says the biggest problem with our country right now is our economy. When I informed him I frankly didn't care about the economy as much as other problems, he laughed. "You're gonna care when you can't pay for anything to live"

The way things are going, by the time I am paying on my own to live I won't have the rights to do so.

Since before I came out I have always wanted to attend a pride parade as I've never been to one. Several months ago my mom and I talked about attending one during pride month. But now I don't want to, the thought honestly scares me.

I live in a small town in a red state. I hate going out in public because of the people in this town. I ate the way they look at me and my friends as if we don't belong.

My heart goes out to my LGBTQ+ siblings. Things are fucking scary right now. Please don't discriminate against your own community or else we don't have any hope of going anywhere.

Happy Pride Month I Guess

Blog 6

Prompt: unpack “There is no peculiar merit in ancient things, but there is merit in integrity, and integrity entails the keeping together of the parts of any whole, and if these parts are scattered throughout time, then the maintenance of integrity entails a knowledge, a memory, of ancient things. …. To think, feel or act as though the past is done with, is equivalent to believing that a railway station through which our train has just passed, only existed for as long as our train was in it.”

Hey everyone! This week's prompt is about unpacking the quote above. I think for this week's blog I’m going to go through the quote step by step to unpack it as easily as possible. The first part of the quote “There is no peculiar merit in ancient things  but there is merit in integrity, and integrity entails the keeping together of the parts of any whole” is something I agree with as we learned this week about interpretation through history, its interpretation that brings life in and meaning to “ancient things'' and the quote says that integrity entails the keeping together of the parts of any whole and I think that also applies to history. Through our interpretation of history we keep together the parts of history and attempt to keep it whole. The next portion of the quote “and if these parts are scattered throughout time, then the maintenance of integrity entails a knowledge, a memory, of ancient things.” What I think the quote is saying hear is that if parts of history are scattered through time or lost, then it is through interpretation of history that we can attempt to put the pieces together. Because we interpret history it allows us to remember the stories, the knowledge, memories and keep the stories of ancient things intact and breathe life into them. The last part of this quote “To think, feel or act as though the past is done with, is equivalent to believing that a railway station through which our train has just passed, only existed for as long as our train was in it.” talks about how if don't care to think about history or don't care to interpret it is like saying all that happened in the past doesn't matter. If no one thinks about or attempts to interpret history it's like it never happened at all. Or whatever did happen only happened then, and it doesn't matter what really happened. I agree with what the quote is saying overall, that something being ancient or old isn't what makes it interesting. What makes an ancient thing interesting is found through the interpretation of that location, when you interpret the history of something you look at its community, its culture and the stories about what happened there. Through interpreting all these things we can give meaning to history. The same goes with interpreting nature as well, the landscapes we interpret won't always look the same, as the world changes it could be destroyed for housing or it could be burned down in a fire. If we don't interpret the landscapes and attach stories, cultures, and memories to the landscape it’ll be just like the quote said, the landscape would be like the railway station, it only existed while we were there. I think the quote has a lot of meaning attached to it, especially around the importance of interpreting history and the things attached to it so that the history of a place stays meaningful even after it's gone. 

OMG that's so amazing, i also have my msw and actually just applied to take the lmsw exam, do you have advice for studying/how was it?? i'm v nervous about it >.<

i have lots of advice for studying actually so I'm glad you asked.

studying for the exam:

study for 120 hours. it doesn't matter how it's broken up; it can be a few hours a day or a lot on the weekend. i studied for 6 months around 2 hours a day.

when you study make sure you take a minimum of a 15 minute break at least every 90-120 minutes. studies have shown it is difficult to retain information after this time period without a break.

read dawn apgar's master guide exam front to back. take lots of notes. highlight things you aren't sure of; use these to make flash cards.

sign up for nasw and take their licensing workshops. they are once a month. they do practice questions, explain the answers in depth, and you can ask them questions.

use the app quizlet to make flash cards. i had over 400 flash cards. the good thing about using this app is you can check off cards you no longer need to study.

the app aswb social work exam is good for studying. it explains the reason behind the answers.

sign up for agents of change. utilize all aspects of the program. go through it 2x. i constantly listened to their podcasts until it was drilled into my head. you have to pay for the course but the podcast is free.

do practice questions.

set aside time to take at least 2 practice tests and simulate it so it's like you're taking the real test. you can do this through the aswb and dawn apgar.

learn how to eliminate questions by using acronyms.

don't cram, it won't help.

focus on things you can remember and you can understand. if you keep studying a topic and you are unable to grasp it, just move on.

sign up for the test so you can figure out how long you need to study for. you can always change the date if you feel you need more time. make sure it's a time that's good for you. for example, I'm not a morning person so i took it in the afternoon.

they say 2 weeks before the test you shouldn't study anymore but i don't really agree with that.

on exam day:

make sure you eat.

go to the bathroom.

arrive 30-60 minutes early in case you get lost and so you have time to settle in.

bring a snack and water with you. they won't let you bring it in with you but you can put it in your locker and step out to have it.

when you first arrive in the exam room dump everything you need to remember on paper/whiteboard. I studied the acronyms on my way to the exam and wrote all of them out right away.

set aside time for a break. i took a 10/15 minute break half way through the test.

don't get discouraged if there are a lot of questions you don't know the answer to. when i took the test there were a lot of community questions, which i am horrible at. i almost walked out because of this, but i told myself i came all this way, i studied so much, i already paid, and i don't want to wait another 90 days and go through all that anxiety again. and you know what? i passed.

if there are a lot of questions on one specific topic those are probably the none scored questions. each test has 20.

this is what worked for me. i know i used a lot of different things and i probably paid too much money, but i really didn't want to take the test again because of my anxiety and i needed to get my license for my job. i hope this helps!

People keep saying that bsu is forced and bsa isn’t. But have you ever seen Boruto cry for Salad like he did in the novel for Sumire?

Bsa is forced because of who their parents are. That’s (and for power babies) is the only reason people ship them. But now that Kishi has taken over the series again, I highly doubt they’ll end up together.

But it just annoys me when people do fanart of cool nh moments and trace it into bsa or compare them to each other or even post photos of Kushina, Hinata and Salad together.

And people have the nerve to say that she’s the most beautiful, talented, strongest, best waifu, and mc’s love interest.

Like bro, Boruto lost an eye for her and someone even lost their life cause she was useless!

Why couldn’t they have put her under Ada’s spell? It’ll make things way easier. But because she’s unaffected and Sasuke is, everyone’s claiming it’s because of her love for Boruto and that bsa will triumph. But they completely forget that Sumire’s immune too.

Someone even said that Salad’s immune for her love for Boruto and Sumire’s immune for her love for Kawaki.

Sumire is immune thanks to Nue, right? No one knows why Salad’s immune and honestly, no one really cares.

And I thought that she was a chunin but apparently she’s still a genin, which means she could actually be Hokage.

I’m just picturing that whenever the village is in danger, she will stand there being useless while her friends save her.

How can anyone like her? She dresses inappropriately and is useless, then in part 2 she dresses like a hooker. Honestly, she’s kind of grossing me out now.

And people still have the nerve to say she’s the sun to the cold and distant Boruto and in part 1, they were saying how she was the moon to Boruto’s sun.

That’s Mitsuki’s!

bsa is forced the anime moments alone make that clear, but even in the manga Boruto had to lose an eye cause of her. He is never shown crying over Sarada like you said as well.

Yeah bsa shippers are just Sakura fans who want to use the ship to full for their NaruSaku delusions or make it a trophy to make Sakura look better.

But it just annoys me when people do fanart of cool nh moments and trace it into bsa or compare them to each other or even post photos of Kushina, Hinata and Salad together.

I know what you mean its annoying seeing them still and use NaruHina fanart for a ship like that. More so when they try and force the family dynamics when despite knowing the Uzumaki family Sarada isn't close with them at all.

All of those are lies she isn't that beautiful nor that talented. Even strong is hard to say when she is proving herself to be as useless as Sakura.

I agree her falling for Eida's spell would have made sense we don't know any reason why though for her all Sumire. Sasuke is affected by it he just trust Sarada's words.

It won't be her love for Boruto cause if that was the case Shikamaru and many others who found their true love wouldn't affected either.

For Omnipotence my theory is that since Sumire likes Boruto and Eida sees Sarada the same and her wish is to be with Kawaki it didn't affect them cause if Boruto is replaced with Kawaki in their minds they basically become her love rivals. So in order to grant her wish her jutsu leaves them out so the won't compete with her when it comes to Kawaki. The same would apply to her charm since that is branched from Omnipotence.

Sumire doesn't love Kawaki at all she loves Boruto. We don't know why either Sumire or Sarada are unaffected, but if it is cause of love it would only be cause Eida assumed Sarada liked Boruto or saw her as a possible love rivalry for Kawaki.

Yeah the anime and manga teams aren't communicating you can tell the Chunin arc was filler done by them since they are bias towards Sarada.

I know what you mean am not a fan of clothes either and the sun and moon argument is stupid and fits Sumire more then Sarada. Mistuki is the Moon as well, but just like how Sasuke and Naruto were and Hinata was also his moon/sun the same would go for Sumire.

Hello. I'm the anon who asked if I could send an advice ask, tysm! 😊 So basically I am disabled by mental illness (BPD + depression + suspected psychosis) and I'm probably autistic but getting the assessment is costly. I'm really struggling to function. I'm exhausted just from trying to stay alive. My gf helps me a lot. Our plans for the near future include travel and living rurally and idk if I can cope. I went to the emergency department recently and begged for an inpatient admission so I could rest but they had no psych beds in the district so I got sent home :( A social worker suggested I look into a applying for a government funded supported disability group home. Having the level of support that a group home would provide would improve my quality of life immensely but would mean I couldn't live with my gf anymore and I just don't know what to do or how to talk to her about it. I keep telling everyone that I literally can't cope much longer and everyone keeps saying it's just my brain lying to me but it's not. I can't do this. I'm exhausted. Sorry for the vent, I just feel lost and have no mental health support that I trust since my case manager of 3 years left recently. Thank you for any advice or even just empathy 💕

You're doing the right thing by asking for help, okay? Even if people aren't responding, you're doing the right thing by asking, so don't give up.

I think step 2 is letting your girlfriend know your concerns about the near future. It doesn't have to be even close to perfect- just get the conversation started. It sounds like you know moving and travel would be too much for you right now, and I think things will be better for both of you if you bring this up sooner. And, I don't mean talk literally- you could write it down, or whatever method of communication is less stressful for you. She might have follow up questions, and it's okay to respond with "I don't know". If you had all the answers, you wouldn't be in this boat, right?

What I'm hearing is that you're looking for a level of support in between intermittent outpatient care, and group home. Can you ask your social worker, "Hey I need more support than I'm getting, but I want to stay living with my girlfriend- what are my options?" If cost is a barrier, ask them about that too- sometimes there are other funding sources available. It's their job to help you, even when it's hard for you to trust them. (I'm so sorry about your old case manager leaving, that sounds really hard. I would be feeling lost too.) The waitlist for an intensive outpatient program might be long, but maybe knowing help is coming will give you some hope.

This is getting long already, but if you're interested in more specific tips related to feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by mental illness, I can put that together. Would that be helpful?

I won't always be this quick to answer, but you're welcome to message me again. I hope that some of this helps, and that your future starts to feel brighter soon 💙

BABE WAKE UP ITS A SHOSHI WRITING ASK 🗣️‼️ ok let’s get into it <3

💢 [ ANGER ] & 🍧 [ SHAVED ICE ] for Jo ( and give her a lil kiss on the forehead for me please and thank you 🤭 )

🌙 [ MOON ] & 🙈 [ SEE-NO-EVIL ] for Frankie <3

📣 [ MEGAPHONE ] & 📦 [ PACKAGE ] for Vicky ( blowing a kiss to the sun for the darling army nurse )

💢 ANGER - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

Jo doesn't sit still, most of the time, and when she's sitting she fidgets. She taps her pen and bounces her knee, she drums her nails on the table or against her coffee glass. If she's sitting next to a loved one listening to something on the radio, she'll pull their hand into her lap and tap on that instead. She also has a habit during stressful periods/work-nights of postponing food until it's super late and she's wandering around the kitchen, not purposefully trying to make noise but still making all the noises that people make in the kitchen i.e. opening/closing the fridge, drawers, clanking utensils, etc.

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

Most everything she had to sell for the money, but she's kept a few pieces of her mother's jewelry, notably some earrings and a St. Christopher's medal. The earrings are more keepsakes, she doesn't wear them, while she eventually brings the medallion with her and to wear. There's a whole storyline with it that I'm very !! about. I think there's also the possibility that while she couldn't hold on to her mother's sewing machine, she kept her sewing kit, and some beautiful old threads and buttons and tools that were in it.  

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Frankie is a really giving person, and I think one of her dreams is to create a space where people can come and relax and enjoy themselves and be themselves, like a café/restaurant. It's to give that to other people, and it's something she's wanted for herself since she left home as a teenager, that care and community. When she cooks for her friends and talks and laughs and shares food and wine with them, she wants that feeling and atmosphere on a bigger scale. While working as a switchboard operator is a way to make a living and to keep her head down, it's not what she wants for the rest of her life.

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - what's a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Understandably, Frankie is afraid of showing aspects of who she is to people who won't accept them or will use that information against her - namely the fact that she's a lesbian and loves women. It's not that she doesn't want people to know this, but she knows very well that there can be very real consequences. Relatedly, I think she keeps some of the softer sides of herself hidden in the day to day, around people who don't really know her, the parts of herself that are very loving and also desirous of love.

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

Vicky is loud, but it's a practical kind of loud. She grew up as a middle child and an older sister, and used her voice to assert herself and to advocate for others. She's a firm and direct person both in her work and with her friends, especially the former. Meek and mild doesn't get her where she wants to go, and so, she's not. I don't have a voice claim for her but in terms of how she speaks - I think of her as having a lower voice, and kind of a slightly Old Hollywood, wisecracking best friend vibe, although hopefully more nuanced?

📦 PACKAGE - what are some "most likely to..." that can apply to them?

Most likely to stand up for you on the playground Most likely to have a ridiculous Starbucks order Most likely to fall asleep while studying  Most likely to mute the family WhatsApp (tied with Clara)

[OC Emoji Asks!]

Your tumblr is near enough mind-melting with how awesome it is. It's real difficult not to get completely lost in the archives. Would be interested in showing off some alpha cowboys who like lassoing their prey?

bro, i really appreciate you saying this. i haven't been keeping up with my own work lately. i don't read it or enjoy it or know what it's about it.

used to be i really primped and polished and took my time with everything i wrote, but the highly repetitive nature of the sex act or the gym act or the sacrificial rite, tied to genre stratification tied to my own personal need to evolve and grow, sometimes it's a struggle to keep things interesting -- personally and creatively. think what i'm doing now is goin as fast as i can and with as little thought as i can to push myself to favor first impulses and rapid production -- to see how my process is effected, as well as the quality of the work itself.

the things i write -- you may have noticed, they're similar and they're not.

sometimes it'll be three AM and one person will like one random thing in my backlog, and I won't see em again until another three AM nights later.

sometimes a dude'll like twenty or thirty posts of mine in a row, then follow and i'll start to see em either in regular rotation or else just keep hittin me with the splurges -- every few weeks or months.

makes me wonder what people are doing in my backlog. how long they're back there, what they're looking at, what they're reading, what the whole labyrinthine experience of getting lost is like.

it's hard not to notice the sorts of things that people reblog. there's an undeniable tendency towards agreeableness and safety. this makes intuitive sense, as many individuals like to see themselves as activists or connoisseurs with the content they reblog, but let's not kid ourselves -- an online page is curated space where individuals assemble objects to create an aesthetic impression of their inner lives. the objects arranged just so communicate -- this is me. this is what i'm about.

you may read something and find it heartfelt, shocking, rhapsodic. you may read something that makes you think, that haunts you, that changes you. nevertheless, since it doesn't fit the curated experience of yourself you've assembled for your online page, the more vibrant reality of this thing you read is fated to remain unengaged with, left to molder in obscurity in some dust bin of memory, the experience nevertheless enduring, haunting you, effecting a subtle sway on your actions.

it doesn't matter if it's erotic, polemical, poetic -- any sufficiently novel effect can jar you out of your pre-conceived notions long enough to make you truly reconsider something you'd absolutely taken for granted, and if it seems too shocking for approval by other people, you're liable to ignore it because ultimately the opinions of our peer group matter more than considerations of truth, because our peer group is what's most immediate and visible and truth is so abstract it may as well not be real.

this problem is only compounded by the implicit assumption that a person -- and thus their mind and soul -- ought only be "one thing" as the value of a person isn't in cultivating a holistic personality or skill-set, but their immediate one-way use value to others, as most individuals still bare the scars of a culture shaped by top-down workplace abuse.

to risk putting something on your page which clashes -- violently, discordantly -- with your curated ego, though you recognize the utility it has to free other curated egos from their bondage -- this may not be a revolutionary act in itself, but it can help train you for further revolutionary acts by getting you in the mindset to indulge in some occasional rebellion.

the important thing is you start training yourself to act for self-liberation.

a person is the consequence of their applied actions.

if you continuously make the effort to live a more free and open life, it will only be a matter of time until you're doing so, though you must be ready and willing to confront the ways other people want to keep you muzzled.

you are recognizing a way the status quo is impeding the net spread of human liberation through a harmless social convention -- everyone's page is "for them" and this is individually charming, though can stagnate on a large enough scale -- and you disregard it, coyly, and in doing so invite others to follow suit. voila. now we still have personal pages, but we also have deeper connections and a net increase in authenticity.

the world is a better place and everybody wins. you told the truth and it cost you nothing. someone might be mad at you, but since you reblogged this and thus think it must be right, your first impulse should be that the person who might want to give you shit is wrong.

to wrap this up, i'll add -- absolutely.

the other day i had a blonde thought that the cowboy's basically a knight of rugged individualism, the one true american ethos.

he ain't in uniform, but he's still in uniform.

that's the way it be sometimes, brah.

Okay we need to talk about being someone who struggles with rigid thinking and need for schedule and how that leads to a complete inability to trust others to do things for you.

I am the type of person where if I plan to go to the store at 1pm, I go to the store at 1pm. If I plan to do an assignment on a certain day, I do it on that day, barring some extenuating circumstance like physical illness or a severe meltdown. It is very hard for my brain to handle things like someone canceling plans or flaking out or not doing something they agreed to do at the agreed time. I work very hard to be compassionate and understanding, but that doesn't prevent my brain from feeling the way it feels. It's always going to be something that's hard for me to understand and deal with.

But I also feel like I cannot entirely blame these feelings on my own issues because time and time again my anxiety has been proven right. Literally time and time again i'll make plans to do something with a friend and they'll cancel. They'll say they have homework, as if they didn't know about that homework the day earlier when they agreed to the plan.

I'm applying to graduate programs this semester and you need letters of recommendation. I asked professors two months ago if they could write me a letter, they agreed, and I've done everything in my power to give them what they need to write a good letter and communicate with them about the deadlines and what needs to happen, and we're still coming up to the deadline in four days and no letters submitted.

It is so fucking hard for me to comprehend why someone who earned a doctorate degree cannot write a letter of recommendation on time. That sounds really harsh, and it is, it's a mean take, and it's not being understanding of their busy lives, but it's the truth of how I feel. More broadly I cannot comprehend why it seems to be impossible for everyone on earth except for me to follow through with any type of task on time and without it being a stressful ordeal.

What this does is it encourages me to withdraw. It makes me not want to even try to make plans with a friend if I know there's a strong chance they won't stick to what we agree. It makes me feel like I have to do everything for myself and can't trust anyone else to help me with anything, because I know other people will let me down. I can't rest easy knowing someone else has got it handled. They won't have it handled. They never do. My life experiences back this up.

And it just makes me so sad and lost and isolated feeling. It's one of those things about autism that makes me feel like an alien among humans.

I want to be able to trust people to help me carry the various burdens of life, and I know there are times when I need to let go of control, but it's so unbelievably hard when I have all of this experiential evidence telling me that they won't follow through and they won't get it done.