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dr-spencer-reids-queen · 1 year

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Limelight: Final Part

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there is any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them. If you’ve seen the show, then it’s the same level of angst unless otherwise stated

Due to Jill's announcement with the press, the police station is crowded with people who claimed they have people missing. Of course, you can't reject anyone, so you're stuck listening to every single person's account of someone who is missing. You're overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people here, but you have to remind yourself that the stress isn't real. You can separate yourself from it, but it takes a lot out of you.

You must have talked to ten people, but none of them had something useful for you to use. You're sad that some of them have people they love who are missing, but none of them match the other victims you're looking for.

You're just about to give up hope when you get a tip from dispatch that someone called in claiming to know where a victim is. Your team is taken to an empty room to listen to the recording since it happened a little bit ago while the local police handle the tips from everyone else.

"Philadelphia Police Department," dispatch says.

"I think I saw something. It might have to do with the killings," a man says in a low voice.

"What did you see?"

"My car broke down on I-76. There was a field off the road. A man was digging a hole."

"What kind of hole?"

"For the body. I saw it. A bleeder stripped of its clothes."

"Can I have your name, sir?"

"Mile marker 115 on the eastbound. They'll find it."

The call ends, and you know that without a doubt, that the caller was the unsub. He is leading you to another body, and you know this has something to do with Jill talking to the press yesterday.

"Does anything strike you?" Jill asks Hotch.

"Stripped of its clothes. That objectifies the victim."

"Exactly. Dehumanizing. This wasn't just any tipster."

"The way that he referred to the body as a bleeder could mean--"

"Visible trauma to the corpse," Jill cuts him off, jumping the gun.

She is too excited, and she is going to get herself hurt... or worse.

"No, not exactly. I noted usage of the same word in the pages from the storage facility. He refers to his targets as bleeders. It's misogynistic. He's referring to menstruation."

"He'd use it as a weakness."

"I think we need to see what's in that field."

Derek and Emily volunteered to see the body with their own eyes, but you wanted to stay at the police station. What they found there shocked not only them but the rest of the team once they found out about it. Not only did they find a victim buried in the ground with enough teeth intact to ID the body, but this woman was buried on top of another woman.

Two victims this unsub gave you, but why? What was the point of it?

"He calls in anonymously and hands us two more victims. Why?" Jill asks, just as confused as you.

"You vowed publicly to bring him in. He may be reacting to that to show you who you're dealing with. He's a narcissist. He's preening."

"Good. I hope he keeps it up."

"No, you don't want that."

"He will drop a breadcrumb every time he tries something like this."

"He'll drop bodies, too."

What the hell is wrong with her? Why is she being like this? She is too cocky, and you don't like that she is on this case.

"If he's making it personal, he'll get sloppy and give himself away."

"Maybe that's what he wants. It never occurred to me that this guy defaulted on that storage unit."

"You think he wanted us to find it?"

"Maybe he's decided it's time for the world to know his name, but if he wanted a coming-out party, then why not just send his victim photos, videos, or something to prove what he is?"

"He wanted us to start at the beginning, to chart his evolution. Bright childhood grows into darkness. He's got us chronicling every step."

"So, if this is his story, what chapter are we on?" Jill wonders.

"The final one. He's writing it as we speak."

Your phone rings, and you put Penelope on speakerphone for all to hear.

"What's up?"

"When I got shot, I kept wondering why God would program our bodies to register that kind of pain. You know what got me through it?"

"No, I don't. What got you through it?"

"Knowing that the pain would eventually end, but these women, they don't even have that. When he's torturing them, there's no end." She takes a pause, and you hear something in the background. "Philly lab matched the IDs of the dental records on the two women from the grave. Mimi Adams and Sara Coswell. You'll find them in the missing person files we've flagged as possible victims."

"Thanks, Pen. We're on it."

"Wait, there's something else. Both women were reported missing four months ago on the same day."

"He's doing doubles. The killer got bored, upped the stakes, and killed two women in one day."

"Gerard Schaefer did it. He took his cue from Bundy. He said it was twice as hard, but twice as much fun. He kills with impunity for years without the slightest bit of heat and he needs a bigger fix, so he starts doing two a day. Four months later, he still can't get off so he opens his storage locker for us."

"Jill. Chronicle holding on 2," an officer notifies Agent Morris.

"Yeah, I'll take that in my office."

"Planning another press conference?" Derek comments, but she doesn't answer.

She leaves for her office, and you watch her leave. She is going to get someone killed if she continues down this road, and it seems like she doesn't want to listen to anyone.

"I heard we got IDs on these two bodies," JJ says walking into the conference room.

"Yeah, Mimi Adams and Sara Coswell. What's up?"

"This woman's husband came in before. She fits the victim type," JJ says about one of the victims that have been dug up.

"If you have her DNA, you might want to check it against the hair."

"What hair?"

"From the storage unit. Agent Morris found it early on. It's the same color, so it might--"

"It won't match," Rossi cuts Spencer off. "She didn't get the hair from the unit."

"She lied? When were you gonna tell us?" Hotch asks angrily.

"Whatever she did to get us here, we're here now."

"It's unacceptable behavior. Why do you keep defending her?"

"Because I know what she is. She's me twenty years ago. I know what people think. Everyone knows their names, but not the victims, right? Somewhere along the line, I put myself first. I admit it. I can't go back and change it, but it's not too late for her."

"Missing persons flagged a report that was just filed," Derek says once the news breaks out.

"A possible victim?"

"The subject's car was found idling at a stop sign, and there was some damage to the back end. It sounds like a bump and grab."

"Did she fit his profile career, age-wise?" Hotch asks.

"Katrina Townsley, thirty-four. She's a reporter at the chronicle."

"The Chronicle?"

Rossi gets up and rushes over to Jill's office in a panic. You realize why when you remember the officer telling her that someone from the Chronicle was calling her. If she did what you think she did, then Jill went out on the prospect of getting this guy, and she probably walked right into a trap.

You rush behind Rossi and see something on her computer that resembles a letter on her email. Upon closer examination, it's a letter that doesn't look like the other ones you've gotten.

"What is it?" Hotch asks.

"Have we gotten this letter?"

"No. I've never seen this before," Spencer says after reading it. "Why would he send agent Morris a letter?"

"She's his final chapter."

Luckily, Jill has a government phone that always has the tracker readily available, so you know her last known location. She was last at a car garage, but when you get there, you find her phone and nothing else. She was here, you can feel her, and someone else was here as well. The unsub must have grabbed two people. If you had to guess, the unsub grabbed Jill's friend at the Chronicle before using her to lure Jill out of hiding.

Katrina Townsley's energy is littered across the garage, making it easy to follow it.

"There's blood here. A couple of drops. Looks like she was dragged. This shouldn't have happened."

"Her guard was down. He tricked her into thinking she was meeting a friend," you try to assure Rossi.

"I told her to slow down, check your ego, and use your team."

"David, there's no way you could have known that she was gonna go off by herself."

"I did know. Sure as I know myself."

"Rossi, I can see Kat and Jill's energy. I know where they went. Right behind you at the entrance of the garage, I can see the vehicle he is driving." Rossi stares at you as if you have three heads, but you don't have time for this. "Okay, you can keep staring at me, or I can help you find them."

You don't wait for his response, and you take out your phone to call Hotch.

"Do you have something?"

"I know where they went. I can see his car. I'll be able to track them down, but I won't know where they are until I get there."

"Good. Follow them."

You hang up on Hotch and walk over to the car you used to travel to the garage.

"Are you going to come?"

Rossi and Spencer have no choice but to follow you no matter if they believe you or not. You get behind the wheel since you can clearly see the van the unsub used. The closer you get to the car, the further away it seems to be. When you move, it moves in the direction it went.

You pull into traffic and follow the van that seems to disappearing between cars, only to reappear.

"What do you see?" Rossi asks you.

"I see this van maneuvering between cars, disappearing and reappearing. It's like it's leading me to where it is because of Kat and Jill. Their energies are making it so that I am able to follow them clearly. It's hard to explain."

After three more minutes on the main road, you make a couple of right turns into a neighborhood where you see the same car parked in front of a house. You quickly sent a message to Hotch about where you are, and it wasn't long for the rest of the team and the police force to arrive at the house.

The second the door was busted down, you followed the energy left behind by Kat and Jill. They are alive, but you hope that the unsub didn't hurt them too much. The unsub is unusually calm when you get down to the basement, and he even lets you handcuff him and take him away without a fight. Kat is lying on the ground, unconscious, but Jill is a crying mess.

With the unsub in custody, your team is able to figure who the hell this guy is. His name is Jeremy Andrus, forty-one. He came from a broken home, poverty, went to trade school, was involved in petty crime and lewd behavior. The entire profile is laid out in his entire life, so it seems obvious now that you know who he is, but it wasn't so obvious when you had the entire state of people to choose from.

The thing that bothers you the most is that when he was shown all the missing people, he kept pointing to certain ones. You know that the ones he is pointing to are his victims.

Seventeen of them he has pointed to, and he hasn't even gotten to the 2006 pile. It breaks your heart. He won't speak or tell you where the remains are, and that's the true revenge knowing he's killed this many people but won't tell you where they are located.

Knowing you caught this guy and can bring justice to other victims, but you can't if he won't talk about it.

The best thing to unwind from a case like this is to spend it with the people you love the most. You and Spencer needed a relaxing night, and what better way to relax than with facials and at-home manicures? Using one of your hair wraps to keep your hair out of the way when you're doing makeup, you place that on Spencer's head to pull his hair away from his face. It's a cute pink one with bunny ears while yours is blue with teddy bear ears.

You slather on a good amount of your facial mixture to Spencer's face, avoiding his eyes and nose. After putting some on yourself, you grab his right hand and begin to fix his nails with your manicure set.

"Would you quit looking at that thing?"

He is holding the facial bottle and inspecting the ingredients as if he will understand what some of them are.

"My face is tingling. I don't think that's supposed to be happening."

"Yes, it is. That means it's working. Now, put down the bottle and relax. Let me take care of you."

Spencer sets the bottle down and leans back, closing his eyes in relaxation. It's not every day where you can be like this with Spencer, but you're going to take it where you can get it. If you can't find happiness in these moments, then why have them at all?

"I love you," you say, blowing on his fingers to get rid of the loose skin.

"I love you," he smiles with his eyes closed.

"For we pay a price for everything we get or take in this world; and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won." - Lucy Maud Montgomery

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

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shutupbrain · 1 year

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12.16.2022 - Part 1

A month or 2 ago, E tells me he's unhappy with me and almost breaks up with me except I fight to keep him. My anxiety and depression has made me unbearable to be around apparently. I get where he's coming from because I cannot stand myself most of the time either. I'm irritable and tired in every sense of the word. I've started medicine but know I should see a therapist to start working thru my unresolved trauma. So I get where he's coming from but also very blindsided because if anything, I've always felt secure in our relationship and his love for me. I come away from the conversation raw and naked and uncertain but determined to really try to work on me and us. A week later he is telling me how close he is with his female coworker ("C") but not to worry because they're like "brother and sister." He talks about her daily and goes into the office to work daily even though he can now WFH which he's wanted so badly to do for a long time. (He says in that argument btw that he doesn't WFH because he's unhappy being around me). Then I remember how just a month or two ago he changed his password on all his phones, even one day not giving me it when I just wanted to Google something about a movie. He was cooking and said that he couldn't remember the pin but would face ID into the phone when he was done cooking so I could look up whatever it was. Except me and our daughter "M" get to talking and he comes over and discreetly takes the phone upstairs to "poop" all of a sudden but I notice. Interesting timing no? It was as if he needed to go erase anything I might see and not like. Before that he stopped photo sharing which we'd had set up for years so we could easily share pictures of M. Throughout all this I am also telling myself how ridiculous I am being and that I am making connections that aren't there. Or that he just has a work friend he's clicked with that happens to be a woman, I need to chill. She's engaged so why am I worried? It's because she said he reminds her of her fiance "sooo much." She will tell him personal stories including how she will go twerk on her man while he's playing video games but he doesn't like it. (E would LOVE this.) What stories does he tell her about us? Does she know that our relationship is struggling? I mean we've been together 12 years in just a couple weeks. Long term relationships have downs, that's life I tell myself. I'm having insecurities that I need to work thru, this is all me. He had his work Christmas party last weekend but I couldn't go since I traveled back from CA that entire day. He said C's fiance seemed uncomfortable around him. How do they act together? Did her fiance notice a closeness he didn't like? Last night E made plans with all his work friends even though I asked him to invite them out with us and my best friend on Saturday. How he ended up making separate Friday plans idk. C and her fiance couldn't make it. I was feeling uncertain about going because I don't like to go out 2 nights in a row. I like to have 1 night at home with my baby girl but I had to join. I dressed up and looked cute. E was unusually quiet on the way, I was upbeat and talkative and in a good mood and even asked him what's up but he said he was focused on the road. Fair enough. We were going to meet at his long-time coworkers apartment which was a surprise because I was under the impression that we were going to meet at a public place aka neutral ground for me, the odd one out who doesn't know anyone there.

#diary

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

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HI i just wanted to say that i really enjoy your twilight metas (as those are the only ones ive read so far) and you're a genius. it's awesome to me how realistically you think about characters and the plot, which i have never been able to do because i always get confused. thank you especially for your post about jacob and how the fandom treats him bc ive always had mixed feelings! i love him (the fanon/new moon him ofc) but i also felt rly weird about the whole SA thing, especially as a brown boy thats been villainized (i didnt SA anyone i just realized how that sounds) i understood that it had racist roots but it still...happened, yk? anyways u put it beautifully and its alot easier to understand how i feel about him now. also like everything else u post about!! i despise the cullens w my every being but its so entertaining to see their dynamic and actions laid out. mostly bc it solidifies my hatred but anyways. they also kind of change my views on other characters, like i always kinda liked bella (i dont like alot of things she does but alot of the fan content i see on her made her feel rly relatable) and its rly interesting to see that she would be a kind of absent parent, bc id never considered it like that and it makes so much sense and woah. u have so much evidence to back up ur theories and opinions too--i tend to get lost in fanon but i dont rly do that w ur posts! even ones where ur spitballing its just muah chefs kiss i love. i write alot of self fulfilling fanfiction and tbh it does not feel the same when the characters r too ooc and ur posts have helped a fuck ton! ur super cool and i love ur stuff keep going :)

i do have some questions tho u dont have to acknowledge it at all and ik you tend to focus more on the cullens, but what do you think the wolf pack is like now that jacob, leah, and seth have left, and now that they have so many new members? do you think any other girls would have shifted and how would they be treated? ik leah was kind of alienated in canon not only bc shes a girl but also bc of her feelings, and i cant tell if the pack would be wary of her/treat her the same as leah, or if they would have learned their lesson.

have a good day!

Well first, thank you, I'm very flattered. I'm going to go ahead and acknowledge @therealvinelle here as well as she's I believe the one who originally posted the post about the very complicated topic of Jacob Black and his terrible choices throughout the series.

As for your questions there are a few pack questions in my inbox but it's mostly a matter that people keep asking questions about Bella and she keeps getting eaten.

Also, I'm not sure you want me answering these questions. Like all of Twilight, it's a bleak pit of despair.

But here we go

What About the Pack/Tribe After Breaking Dawn

There's a lot of shit going on in the tribe right now. Jacob leaving is just part of it.

They have an unprecedented number of shifters in the community and that's going to spell... a lot of issues in the years to come.

Namely, per Sam and Emily, domestic violence will be through the roof and kept very hushed up for the understandable reason of these people look like they were mauled by bears. This will also likely increase the number of deaths in the tribe, especially among those who are young. Accidents happen, it's not good, this is going to have a devastating impact on the people.

You also have a lot of angry, disaffected, young men who can no longer really be a part of society. They can't really attend school, can't even really leave the reservation for fear of turning into a wolf, they can't hold a job, at the age of nineteen or younger they each had their futures ripped away from them.

Some, Seth, handle this very well (possibly because he hasn't clued into what this means yet), others like Jake... do not. These people have had their lives turned upside down and in some cases utterly ruined: that's not good in any society.

Then you have the imprinting, lord, the imprinting.

To date, there's the Sam, Emily, and Leah disaster. The three of them handled it very well, but it still utterly destroyed Leah's life and emotional stability. Not helping, of course, is that Leah has had her very identity taken from her, has no privacy, and her only option of escape is to follow Jacob around which... we'll get to in a few paragraphs.

Added to that, you have the Claire/Quil disaster, in which the tribe is desperately trying to handle it by a) keeping it very quiet b) trying to make Quil just be the babysitter. That's unlikely to work out for them and is just angstfest all around and no one's fault.

And then, of course, Jacob/Renesmee. Jacob, having now imprinted, will follow Renesmee to the ends of the earth. He has no other purpose now. Which means that Leah and Seth, who are in his pack, get to follow along and uproot their lives. For the tribe this means they'll never be rid of the Cullens, not truly, and Billy has lost his son entirely. Not to mention it's guaranteed to go awful places.

Then you have the paternity questions this whole thing drudges up, the trauma of these children having to be sacred warriors and having slaughtered demons with human faces, many of whom were also once children and more.

The tribe and the pack are a goddamn mess.

Jacob imprinting on the Cullen hybrid daughter and leaving the tribe? Yeah, it's weird and no one likes it, but that isn't even the peak of the nonsense these people have to deal with.

Would the Other Girls Shift?

No.

Leah seems to have won the genetic shitty lottery. In 600 years of shifting, there has never been another woman, and Leah has all shifting bloodlines in her veins.

It seems Leah was just very unlucky.

Were other girls to shift I imagine they'd face much the same situation. Suddenly teenage boys are witnessing them naked, all the time, they have no choice to become sacred warriors (a role not typically meant for women and which will very much feel like 'the boy's club') and I don't get the idea that anyone learned anything from Leah.

Jake certainly didn't, he just thought she was Uber Bitch until she begged him to let her in his new pack and reminded him she was a human being with feelings.

The concept genuinely had not occurred to him.

TL;DR Remember kids, Twilight is despair

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #twilight quileute #sam uley #emily young #leah clearwater #seth clearwater #jacob black #meta #headcanon #opinion

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brywrites · 4 years

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For A Living

A/N: Reid has worked hard to keep his job a secret from the Reader, who he’s been dating. But she’s a little more perceptive than he expected.

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For once in his life, everything seems to be good. He is sitting in a coffee shop drinking a mocha full of sugar, talking about the previously unpublished Hemingway short story to a girl whose eyes light up with every word. She is just as excited about “A Room on the Garden Side” as he is, and he can’t help but smile to himself. Everything is perfect.

Until she asks him what his plans are for next week, and he responds that he’s not sure yet.

“Well, my old roommate, Rimsha, is coming into town. She wants to stay at my place, and she was hoping to meet you. If that’s okay with you,” she adds, looking a little embarrassed.

“No, of course, I – I would love to meet her,” Reid stammers, though meeting new people isn’t his favorite thing in the world. But it matters to her, so he’s willing to try. “I just, uh, I’m not sure what my week will look like.”

Y/N pauses, looking down at the muffin in front of her. She teeters on the edge of speaking, and he’s trying to figure out what she’s so afraid to say. Is there something he should know about Rimsha? Is she worried their meeting won’t go well? Despite his analysis of her behavior, nothing could have prepared him for what comes from her mouth next.

“When are you going to tell me what your real job is?”

Reid blanches. “Wh-what?”

She sighs. “We’ve been dating for three months. I know you’re not just a college professor, Spencer.”

“I – I am a college professor.” He crosses his arms under his chest, trying to keep calm.

“I know that’s what you told me when we met. And when we started dating, you were teaching full-time, but you only taught for a month. So what is it you do the rest of the time?” she asks. Oh no. No, he’s not ready to answer this question.

“I do research.” Reid hopes the slight telltale crack in his voice isn’t noticeable to her. If it is, she says nothing about it, only stares at him with focused eyes and a slightly quirked eyebrow.

“Your research requires you to leave suddenly and travel to different time zones?”

She’s more observant than he thought. “I told you before, I guest lecture at other universities and I… I go to, uh, conferences.”

“Where you’re so busy you can’t talk to me?” When they get a case, he always try to talk his way out of it if he has to cancel plans, but when he’s away he never calls her. It’s too risky. With her, he lets his guard down. It’s too likely he’d end up mentioning something that happened at work, so he sticks to a strict text-message only policy.

“Um – I, uh…” he can’t find the words and now he’s tapping his foot in patterns of three and he can feel the anxiety building up in his chest. What is he supposed to say? What is he supposed to do? Is he about to lose the woman who has been the light of his life since he met her five months ago?

But one gentle look from her calms his racing heart. Her eyes are soft and she gives him a reassuring smile. “Hey, it’s okay.” She slowly reaches out to place her hand over his, and he can feel his body relax. “I’m not mad at you. I know you, and I know that there’s a reason you haven’t told me, yet. But I want you to know that you can trust me. I can’t be there for you if you don’t let me in.”

When she has a rough day at work or when something comes up with her family, he’s always there to comfort her and listen to her. All she wants is to do the same for him.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” he starts. “I just – there’s… it’s more complicated than that.” He can’t find the words to explain, but he knows that he has to. He really likes her. This beautiful girl who loves books as much as he does, and doesn’t mind his rambling. Who asked him about the book he was reading three weeks in a row at the coffee shop they both frequented before he worked up the nerve to ask her about her book; after which they ended up in a four hour long conversation, during which the barista brought them free refills of their lattes (“because it’s about damn time you two actually talked to each other,” she’d said).

He adores he kindness and her laugh and the way a hug from her makes the world feel right again. Her patience with his quiet cover-up has lasted this long, and he’d begun to think she hadn’t noticed. How had he fooled himself into believing that? She’s so smart, of course she knew.

At that very moment, his phone buzzes with a familiar ringtone. Reid digs into his bag and pulls out his cell, only to be greeted with a message from Garcia: ALL HANDS ON DECK MATEYS, WE HAVE ARR-SELVES A CASE. When he looks back at Y/N, she nods, and he wonders which one of them is the profiler.

“Research conference?” she asks, a little coy.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I have to go.” He quickly shoves his things into his satchel, and reaches over to squeeze her hand. “But I promise, when I get back, we’ll talk.”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.” And she flashes him that smile he loves so much. What would she say if she knew where he was off to? That each call meant running into danger?

All through the case, that question comes back to him. Something could happen to him while he’s away, and she would be left to navigate a field of questions on her own. Wondering why he didn’t tell her what he did, and why it was so risky, and why he couldn’t trust her with that.

The truth is he would trust her with everything, anything. He’d give her his heart tomorrow if she asked for it, but he’s trying to keep hers safe.

Reid is gone for three days, and he doesn’t call her once. She only sends him one text – call me when you’re home.They catch the man killing women in a small Missouri town, and the case is closed without anyone on the team getting hurt. The whole plane ride home he’s on the edge of his seat, mind racing with all the things he wants to say to her. He goes home and paces his living room for an hour and a half before finally calling her, and asking if she’ll come over to talk.

“So, how was the conference, professor?” she asks, taking a seat on his couch.

He sighs. “I’m sorry I didn’t call. The last few days were hard and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.”

“The only wrong thing you can say is nothing.” She bites her lip, and when she looks up at him he shivers under the intensity of her gaze. “Spencer, I love you.” It’s the first time she’s ever said it out loud and it takes his breath away to hear those words from her. “And I want to keep loving you, but I can’t do that if you can’t open up to me. Why do you keep trying to hide this from me?”

“I’m not trying to keep anything from you,” he says, sitting down beside her. “I was… I was trying to protect you. Because I love you, too.”

“What could be so bad that you can’t tell me? Where do you go all the time? What are you doing?”

Reid swallows hard. “Y/N, it’s not that I don’t think you can handle it. I know you’re strong. But when you came into my life, it was like this – this bright light. I see so much darkness, and I just don’t want you to have to deal with that. I don’t want what I’ve seen to ever make you worry more or smile less or dim that light you bring to every room you go into.”

She puts her hand on his. “And I don’t want to leave you alone in the dark.”

Her eyes are pleading with him, and he’s never been good at saying no to her. He can’t keep this up. He can’t hide this part of his life for her forever. Acknowledging it means acknowledging all the harm that comes with it – the loss of colleagues, the trauma, the drugs… everything. But she deserves to know.

He takes a deep breath. “I work for the FBI.”

Y/N narrows her eyes. “Spencer, I’m being serious.”

“So am I!”

“I’m supposed to believe that my bookworm boyfriend who abhors physical activity is a secret agent?”

Reid jumps up to grab his messenger back from its hook, fumbles briefly in the pockets, and returns to the sofa with a small black holding case in hand. He gives it to her and adds, “Technically, it’s supervisory special agent.”

He watches as she opens it up and stares at the badge and ID inside. Her mouth falls open and her eyes widen as she stares up at him and if he weren’t so nervous he’d find the expression on her face absolutely adorable. Y/N looks between him and the badge before asking, “What’s BAU?”

“It’s the Behavioral Analysis Unit. That’s the division my team works in. We use psychology to profile repeat offenders.” He winces at the words that sound straight out of his orientation manual.

Her eyebrows knit together. “Profiling? Like… Silence of the Lambs or something?”

“More or less,” he says. “My team is a specialized unit. When local law enforcement has something on their hands that they can’t handle, they call us in. It might be a terrorist threat, a child abduction, or a serial killer – though it’s usually the latter.”

He can see the pieces starting to come together for her.

“So that’s where you go when you leave.”

He nods. “We fly out to wherever we’re needed and consult. And if we’re lucky, we catch unsu- um, the suspect, before they can hurt anyone else.”

Y/N runs her fingers of the edges of his badge, staring at it as if it can make sense of all of this. “So when you say you’ve seen things…”

He figures it’s best to keep being honest. “Yeah. Bodies. Crime scenes. Death. The most depraved human beings on the planet. It’s an abyss. There are a lot of things that haunt me. And there are things I’ve done that I’m not proud of. And I’ll answer any question you want, I just need you to know that I wasn’t trying to hide this from you because I didn’t want you to know. I just didn’t want to weigh you down with it. I wanted to pretend, for just a little while, that I’m not the person who gets in the mind of monsters. Because when I’m with you, I can forget all of that. I feel better when I’m with you. And I guess I was afraid that if I told you what I did, that something bad would happen.”

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“This job is dangerous. I know friends who have lost loved ones – either because the job is too much or because someone we’re trying to catch makes things personal. I thought I could protect you from all of that by hiding my job from you.”

“This is a lot to take in,” she says quietly.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Is the only thing you’ve lied to me about?”

“Yes. There are things I haven’t told you about yet that have happened because of this job, but I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you. I’ll tell you everything, I swear. But everything else is real. I’m still me. I do teach when I’m on sabbatical. I’ve read every book by Tolstoy in English and Russian. My mom does have schizophrenia. And I do love you.”

Y/N sets the badge down on the couch between them and puts her hand over his. On instinct, he twines their fingers together. She keeps him grounded, tethered in the midst of all the madness.

“So you’re a genius and a hero, huh?”

He chuckles. “To be honest, I don’t really care about being either of those things. All I want is to be the man who gets to love you.”

She brushes his hair back from his cheek, her touch so soft he could melt. “No more secrets?”

“I promise.”

“Good. I can handle the dark. I can be strong. But you’re the one who makes me smile. And I don’t want to stop loving you.”

He can’t help but grin. What he has with her is better than anything he had ever dreamed of, and he doesn’t know how he got so lucky, but he swears he’s not going to mess this up. The BAU is his job, his team, the way he makes a living. But with her, he has a chance to build a life. “I took next weekend off, by the way. So whenever Rimsha is here, I would love to meet her.”

The smile playing at the corner of her mouth is mischievous. “Oh don’t worry, there’s going to be plenty of time for that, Mr. FBI Man. But for now, I kind of want you all to myself.” She leans in to kiss him, and he knows – that for once in his life everything, everything is good.

#criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #spencer reid #fanfiction #brywrites

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narrowtriangle33-blog · 3 years

Text

Please share this article, it important that you do so. These truths have to be told.

"Bethune’s name appeared in six reports in the House Committee on Un-American Activities and five times in Senate reports on people suspected of communist activity. While she was cleared of any involvement, the message was clear: Confronting racism and white supremacy is un-American."

"This is why white people are my bellwether."

"Whenever I am trying to decide whether or not a particular movement, policy or person benefits Black America, I wait and see what white people think. While that might sound racist, there has never been a movement, policy or person that benefitted Black America who was simultaneously embraced by white America. In this country, a stance against the trauma-inducing brickbat of whiteness is perceived as a stance against America. And anyone who disagrees can feel free to prove me wrong. Name one person who fought for Black liberation who white people agreed with."

"Whenever anyone does anything that includes the word “Black,” it immediately falls under the classification of Marxist and anti-whiteness. White people hate being left out, even though they are acutely aware that there is nothing more valuable in the known universe than a white life. White people will slit a Black baby’s neck for a white woman’s life."

"Let’s just say they will beat a Black baby to a bloody pulp, tie him to an industrial fan with barbed wire and toss his lifeless body off a bridge. Is that better?"

"But I understand why they vilify Black movements with Marxism."

"White people don’t know what Marxism is."

"According to a 1970 Harris Poll, 64 percent of Black Americans had a favorable view of the Panthers, while 92 percent of white Americans had a negative view. It’s probably because a lot of members of the Black Panther were Marxists, which is different from communism. Basically, Marxism is a way to examine history, economics and societies through the lens of class, while communism is actually Marx’s economic and political theory in which...wait. For a second I started to believe that there was some logic to white supremacy."

"White people hated the Panthers because they had guns and pushed for armed self-defense. For some reason, those America-hating negroes believed “the right of the people to keep and bear Arms shall not be infringed.”"

"I have no idea where they got that crazy idea from."

"Black people voting"

"Why white people don’t like it: States’ rights, something something, communism, something something it was a different time."

"When Black people marched on Selma for voting rights, they were called “communists.” The Voting Rights Act of 1965 was called “Un-American.” Of course, the 2020 election was about “socialism” because so many Black people voted."

"Southerners, conservatives and white people, in general, have never pushed for a single law to expand the electorate because they are the only true Americans."

"Critical Race Theory"

"Why white people didn’t like it: Because they don’t know what it is."

"This one is easy."

"The one thing that dumbfounds me about white supremacy is how much white people trust each other. They just trust the explanations for their fellow white people. In all this debate about CRT, I have yet to see one person who opposes CRT who can also explain what CRT is. And many of the legislators who are against funding K-12 teachers who absolutely do not teach CRT are already funding the leaders’ movement, such as Richard Delgado, the professor at state-supported Alabama Law School who wrote a little book called Critical Race Theory: An Introduction. "

"All they know is that it has the word “race” in it, so it must be bad."

"Legislators opposed the Civil Rights Act because it was “Marxist.” The House Committee on Un-American Activities investigated the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee for communism. The FBI did, too."

"In a 1964 New York Times survey, a majority of white people said that the “Negro civil rights movement had gone too far,” and a quarter of those people said their resentment was growing. They were right. Two years later, a 1966 Harris Survey, revealed that 85 percent of white respondents thought civil rights demonstrations “hurts the negro.”"

"Apparently, to white people, fighting racism is worse than racism."

"And if you think I’m kidding about white people not thinking Black people were smart, according to the National Opinion Research Center, it was not until 1963 that 50 percent of white people believed “Negroes” were born with the same intelligence as whites."

"History"

"Why white people don’t like it: Because white people might find out about some of the things white people did, which is racist."

"The fight against what politicians have deemed the Marxist, Un-American 1619 Project is actually a fight against teaching the history of slavery more accurately. And it is not new. White people said the same thing about teaching abolition. The United Daughters of the Confederacy said the same thing about the Civil War. White school districts in the North and South said the same thing about Jim Crow. And Black History Month."

"Plus if white kids learn about America’s racist past, they might start saying: “I’m not going to do that again,” and then, what will happen to white people?"

"Martin Luther King Jr."

"Why white people didn’t like him: He was a communist. He was anti-white. He was a Marxist."

"In 1966, a majority of white Americans had a negative opinion of King. When he died in 1968, 75 percent of Americans disapproved of him. Now they love him..."

"Because he’s dead."

"This is why we must never ignore white people."

"While we should never, ever do what white people collectively want, history has shown us that if something is good for Black people, white people will hate it. And if they vilify something as racist, communist or anti-white, you should take a second look because, nine times out of 10, it might be worth considering. When it comes to freedom and equality, the easiest thing to do is to see what white people have to say...

Then do the opposite."

I copied a lot of his article word for word those are Michael Harriot's words not my own.

The word's of people who commented.

"I was asking one of the few people on the Right side of politics I am still in touch with about why he hates CRT, and he sent me a link to a whole essay. It boiled down to a few leaps in logic:"

"1) the USSR used US race relations as a shield to deflect criticism of their own human rights record (“And in the USA, they hang n-words”)"

"2) therefore, any criticism of race relations was caused by Soviet propaganda (not, you know, by actually HANGING BLACK PEOPLE)"

"3) therefore any discussion of race relations was commie propaganda."

"4) therefore, any movement that calls attention to race is communist."

"It’s very similar to how the Communist League fired the original writer of The Communist Manifesto because he brought up ethnic minorities and racism and replaced him with Marx, outright rejecting any factor that so much as complicated their preconceived model. It also shares many of the issues raised in the “grievance studies” affair, being exegesis to elaborate and propound upon a founding scripture."

"That’s the most idiotic line of reasoning I ever heard. It’s so typical of white people as a group in this country that when someone points out some shit they did that’s fucked up that instead of you know, stopping the fucked up thing they basically say that the entity pointing out their fucked up shit is bad therefore bringing up solutions to the fucked up thing they did is wrong."

"Fuck the trolls, but if anyone is actually confused about the likelihood of any white person to trust any other white person over anyone at all who is even POSSIBLY not white, please refresh your memories regarding the multiple instances in the last several years of a Black person being anywhere near a house or building, then being approached by either a white guard, cop, or other self-important deputy of white fragility."

"In these instances, Black people are often believed to be up to no good even after they show ID proving they live in the building some white person has decided they don’t belong in. No amount of proof will have a fragile white self-deputy believing that even state-issued IDs are a real thing and this Black person lives in their own home."

"But when any white person walks by and says “Oh, this is _____, they live here”, immediately, that’s good enough to let this perceived criminal go into their home."

"Because any white stranger vouched in any sort of way."

"Literal evidence of address means nothing, but the word of ANY white person, with no proof of their authority, no hassle about “Well what are YOU doing here?!?”, just...instant belief of any white skin."

"Also, the main difference between Angela Davis and Assata Shakur is that Ms. Davis beat the system at its own game, the “proper” way. Racism couldn’t even beat her at their heavily-rigged game. Ms. Shakur ALSO beat the system, but because she didn’t get to win at a fully-rigged game, she found her own loophole and got out of this racist hellhole."

"Not that it matters, because they’re both the same to any racist. To me, they’re both brilliant heroes."

"If you asked these mouth breathers what they hate about CRT not only could they not tell you, they would call you “the real racist” for asking. There is no winning with these people because they refuse to see themselves as ANYTHING other than the good guys in any situation. It is fucking tiring to deal with this shit and yet they seem to not understand that we are more fucking tired than they are. With each comment, committee and talking point they pretty much prove that no white person could handle being anything other than well, white."

"To admit anything else would result in a reckoning. It will never happen and America will remain a racist society, with white culture pushing back and getting more extreme as each generation of BIPOC become more aware and angry over white supremacy. America will implode and whatever rises from the ashes will either be that reckoning with real change or a third world country."

Again I quoted these people

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memoriashell · 3 years

Text

first impressions ( are they pointless if fate has already decided? )

Characters / Pairing: Fukawa Touko/Naegi Komaru, ( implied ) Syo / Komaru

crossposted on ao3

Notes: day 7 of @tokomaruweek!! soulmate prompt.

sorry if i manage to absolutely fuck up posting this one i'm half awake rn.

i appreciate how unrealistic and improbably soulmate aus are. anyways i knew i wanted to play with this idea as soon as i saw the prompt. i think that bodyswap au has interesting potential. the bodyswap soulmate au in the specific sense that you’d theoretically get to see the kind of hardships your fated might be going through but that’s not really the angle i took on it here but i mean do any of us want komaru to face abuse and bullying? no. i cannot comit to that. someone else can do that i am going to live here angst free anyways in case it isn't obvious the basis premises around this is that once you come of age, you swap bodies with your soulmate. HONESTLY not sure how a body swap au would work w/ a did person but considering that every alter / identity is considered their own person, i figured that it would simply just swap w/ the host, meaning any alters would be left behind. i do think it'd be an interesting concept to play with, maybe?

tw for trauma / abuse ( /ive parents )

Summary: most circumstances to figure out the identity of your soulmate are pretty unfortunate, but she thinks this one might take the proverbial cake in some regard.

For most people, this would be the kind of momentous occasion that people would count down to. For Touko, it catches her completely off guard because she hardly registers the fact that her birthday is coming up until the day it happens.

‘It’ being the day she comes of age and is supposed to find out who her soulmate is.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t think about this kind of stuff on occasion. It was kind of a given, with her entire shtick of being a romance author. But quite frankly, she tries to forget it, because really? Soulmates? For someone like her? Not likely.

Who would want to be stuck with someone like her? Best not to get her hopes up too much, and stick to unrequited crushes on people she knows she’s probably not destined for.

The sound of an unfamiliar alarm is what wakes her up— Touko doesn’t really process anything more than trying to turn it off and laying down for a few minutes. And then realizes her body doesn’t quite feel right. Empty. Something’s missing and it’s too quiet and it all feels horribly wrong. And then opening her eyes and realizing she can see perfectly fine without her glasses.

Oh. Oh no. No no no no no.

She hops out of bed and spots a phone ( thank christ ) and confirms her fears. Right. It’s her birthday. Thank god she doesn’t need to know a passcode to figure out that information. Well, nothing she can do about that. Time to sleep off today, so she can go back to living her life normally, soulmate-free.

Or well, that is what she plans to do, until a picture frame catches her attention from the corner of her eye, and— oh. Oh no? Oh no. She absolutely recognizes one of the two people in the picture. She presumes the girl is the one whose body she’s currently inhabits ( nothing particularly special to note there, plain as plain can be ). The boy— she loathes that nonchalant, easygoing expression— the boy she recognizes as her classmate. One Makoto Naegi.

God, it’d be just her luck, huh. Speaking of which—

“Komaru!” Ah, so that’s her name. She hears a shout from downstairs, followed by footsteps. “You’re going to be late!”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit.

In a panic, she sprints to dive back under the covers and pretends to be asleep still. Maybe she’ll get off without much of a punishment that way? Definitely less than the realization that she’d been awake and not getting ready for...school, presumably. She has no clue what this girl is usually like, but hopes that it isn’t painfully obvious what is going on here.

“Komaru?” The voice is closer this time, the sound of the door opening follows close behind. While she panics over the thought of what to do asides from pretending like she’s asleep, Touko misses the sound of footsteps approaching and flinches when the covers are tugged away from her head. She doesn’t mean to let out a whimper of fear when a hand comes down on her forehead, teeth clenched, not that the sound is interpreted as fear. “Are you feeling all right, dear? You’re not feverish, but you are a little sweaty...”

It takes her a moment to recognize the tone of this woman’s voice is one of concern, an incredibly foreign concept for her to expect from any parent ( she’s presuming this is the mother ). It certainly was never one she’d expected to hear from her own mothers, squeezing her eyes shut as if to ignore the truth. “N-No...” It’s not a lie, at least— all of this makes her feel sick to her stomach.

( It leaves an awful taste in her mouth, knowing the love that she is being shown here is just an illusion; not meant for her at all. And yet Touko wants something that she has never had. What an awful child she is )

“Why don’t you take it easy for today, then? If you feel no better later, you can start taking medicine.” She manages to utter a thank you, whatever will get her with no repercussions and left alone again, and there is a hand gently stroking back her hair before she is alone again.

Once ‘her’ mother leaves, she locks the door and buries herself under the blankets, so she can sleep and forget about today ever happening.

In comparison, Komaru Naegi finds herself having a much less than pleasant awakening. In that she doesn’t know what wakes her up, just that she is suddenly, forcibly awakened and in a room she doesn’t recognize.

Weird. Is she dreaming? It kind of feels that way, because she has no control over the body she currently resides in, marching over to the desk and reaches into the draw for...a pair of scissors? Really, really sharp scissors, but a pair of scissors nonetheless.

It’s not a dream. Get out. They hiss at her, scissors pointed at her— themselves? Oh boy. Uh.

“I don’t think I can do that.” She says aloud; wincing. “I don’t— I don’t know what’s going on...?”

Ugh. You think I know any better? ( Yes! Yes she does!! ) It’s totally bullshit that this is my wake-up call after ages, and she’s not even awake and instead I’m stuck with you? Ah. Shit, hold on a second how long has it been. They reach for the calendar, and she feels her face frown. Aw, it hasn’t been that long? She really forgot her own birthday coming up? Some heads up would’ve been nice instead of just waking up to this fucking mess. The voice continues to complain.

“Um...” She hates to interrupt, but she’s still pretty confused. “What do you mean? Who are you?”

You’re expecting me to just give that up without knowing your own name? Or do you not care?

“Sorry!” And she is, given that she’d kind of gotten ahead of herself. “Komaru. Komaru Naegi. But just Komaru is fine!”

Ah— Naegi? What are the odds— Dekomaru it is!

“What? That’s not my name at all!” Komaru completely manages to miss the faint recognition, huffing a pout. “And I told you, so answer my questions!”

Syo. And what I mean is that now I’m stuck explaining this shit— did you seriously not pay attention to any of that or are you that dumb? Geeze, listen to me this time. Okay, so we can have a lesson on proper terms and all that shit another time, long and short of it is that we share this body— miss gloomy and I. It’s technically her coming of age birthday today, which is why you’re here instead of her.

“Oh, okay.” Komaru nods along in agreeably, before her mind catches up and process the implications of what she’s been told. “Wait, you mean I— she— this is my soulmate?!” Her voice cracks as it pitches, hands quick to clasp out of her mouth, a little worriedly.

Yeah, obviously. And don’t worry, the rooms are soundproof. Otherwise, I would’ve already told you to stop replying out loud. People would think that’s weird. They sound amused, reaching back towards the table and fumbles around for a moment before raising something up into the field of their view.

This is a student ID card, which provides her with several helpful bits of information— none of which Komaru chooses to fixate on. “...Hope’s Peak?” What were the chances of that?

Focus, idiot. Do you have any idea of what this means?

Komaru beams, an expression that might have been frightening for anyone else to see on this face. “It means I can be a Hope’s Peak student for today!”

No. Ouch, that’s probably the most cold they’ve sounded so far. Which is saying a lot, considering how they’d greeted her. Well, maybe. I know she really wouldn’t like it if you went around in our body. She doesn’t like it when I force control over our body either, but if it’s you then she probably won’t care. Personally, I don’t give two fucks— I can give you tips on acting more like her if you want.

Komaru makes a face. “I’m bad at acting. Am I really that different?”

Given that you don’t shut up, yes. That’s not a bad thing. They add on when they seem to sense the indignation rising in her. You really want to go around like normal today?

“Please?” She begs in what is sure to not be the last time that Syo enables her in doing something she probably shouldn’t do.

Okay! You’re more fun to have to share with than madam morose. This is way more chaotic. If things go wrong, I’ll help you cover up.

Komaru thinks that’s supposed to be a compliment. Or flattery? Either way, she enthusiastically takes to observing her appearance in the mirror for a good several minutes— more than several, but who’s keeping track? Syo. Syo is— before they point out they’ll be late for class and still haven’t had breakfast. But Komaru really only registers late and class and grabs her bag and rushes out into the hall, only to realize she didn’t really know where she was supposed to be going.

Syo sighs at her and directs her in the right direction of their locker and then their class while Komaru considers what’s the best way to seem cool if she can’t technically be herself. And also try not to nervously overthink things. That is also a thing she tries to avoid.

You know it’s weird that we’re going to class early, right?

“It’s fine...!” She grumbles. I can’t help but be excited, okay? It’s not everyday I get to pretend to be attended one of the most prestigious schools in the country.

Uh huh. Okay. I don’t think it’s really ‘cool’ to be this early to class, but.. Syo snickers at her, and she pouts before opting to ignore them, gathering her nerves before ( with more confidence than the actual Touko Fukawa would ever muster ) pushing the door open and stepping inside the classroom.

And then the whole act cool plan falls apart because while Komaru had registered the, we’re at Hope’s Peak Academy, she had failed to consider the whole, this is the school my brother goes to, I might run into my brother dilemma that she is immediately forced to acknowledge in a very graceful manner.

( And by gracefully she means she very embarrassingly screams at Makoto and Syo cackles at her, and she learns a very important lesson on why she should not trust Syo so easily )

Unfortunately for Touko, her body refuses to sleep much, which means she is wide awake when someone tries to come into the room just after four. Clearly not giving up, a knock soon follows, and, “Fukawa-san? Can you let us in?”

And then the sound of her own voice, way too cheery for her own liking. “No one else is home right now, so you don’t need to worry about it. Please? I really want to meet you! Uhm, properly.” Silence follows, since Touko makes no attempt to acknowledge that- if she pretends to sleep, then they’ve got to give up eventually. Even if she can only run away for so long, given that Makoto will probably just confront her tomorrow if she doesn’t. “Uh, Syo-san says they’ll take matters into their own hands if you don’t...? I’m not really sure what that means, but...” Makoto makes a panicked noise and god damn it Syo. She hadn’t counted on Syo working against her as well. Should she have expected that from them? Eh.

( It might speak more about the other girl, if she’d managed to get something like Syo’s...approval? That doesn’t seem quite right, and feels weird to think about either way )

“Give me a moment.” She calls, just to make sure Syo doesn’t go ahead and try and start picking the lock or break a window or something else that’s drastic and unnecessary. Takes a deep breath as she pulls herself out of bed, doesn’t bother double-checking if she seems too presentable and trudges over to unlock the door.

No sooner than she does so, the door swings open cautiously— Touko manages to sidestep out of the way before she needs to worry about being hit by it. She can feel the other’s gaze focus in on her almost immediately, but she very pointedly decides to not meet her gaze, mostly because it feels weird to be looking at herself, and looks at the same bookcase she has been staring at for the past four hours straight.

( Manga. She hates it. Of course, she would be stuck with someone that loves something that she practically loathes. She also hates the fact that she’d also been so bored that she’d almost considered reading it )

The only thing she chooses to acknowledge is the fact that her hair is down and not braided, really could she not have put forth even that much effort— and that while having her in front of her now is much different from what she might have thought it to be, she really has no idea of what to think of her.

And then the other seems to decide that enough is enough and holds her hands in hers very excitedly. She can only guess what Syo makes of all this. Schadenfreude, probably. She doesn’t actually say anything to her, just giggles to herself ( she’s not sure if she’s trying to be creepy, or if that laughter is directed at something Syo is saying ).

“Stop that...It’s w-w-weird to see my face doing that.” She gnaws on her lip— is this what everyone else saw all day? That’s awful.

As if reading her mind ( and certainly not the atmosphere of room ), Makoto helpfully chimes in, “Give her a break, she’s done a pretty good job trying to not attract any unwanted attention.”

“They made me skip class.” She pouts, crossing her arms. “Syo even said that they’d take the blame for it, but no, I had to skip out.”

“You screamed at me and scared Fujisaki-san? I was more relieved that Ishimaru-kun was willing to get you excused for the day.” Oh good, at least she can count on having reliable notes and not misplaced homework like with some people ( Syo ).

“It wasn’t that bad, Makoto, you’re making it seem worse than it was—”

“Because screaming like that could come off as good somehow?” He butts in.

“— and what’s done is done, so with that said, let’s eat!” She raises a bag that she’d failed t notice earlier. “I know it’s a little weird, but it’s still your birthday, so we can at least celebrate, right? I even asked Syo what you’d prefer the most while we were at the bakery.” That kind of disgustingly desperate face is all too fitting and completely foreign on her face, and Touko scowls at her.

It’s also a very foreign thought to actually be celebrating her birthday for once, and with a practical stranger nonetheless.

“Actually, I have a call I’m supposed to make. So I’ll be waiting downstairs, Komaru— we do have to get back at a reasonable time, so I’ll come back up if you’re staying too long, okay?” Makoto flees in the most inelegant way possible, fittingly.

Traitor, she wants to yell at him. She’s not quite being left alone here, because Syo is clearly present, but it’s not the same. She still feels a sense of betrayal here on all sides nonetheless.

“Touko-chan! Come sit with me!” Not that she gets any say in this, dragged along by her hand into following. She considers telling her off because when did she say that she was allowed to call her that? But bites her tongue for the moment because she’s still a little startled about the ease at which she has accepted all of...this, given the fact that she’s currently got Syo co-fronting. She suspects that they have arbitrarily elected to not acknowledge the elephant in the room which is very annoying to her, but she’s not really given a chance to acknowledge that either since a plate is shoved into her hands.

Fruit tart. So she’s not lying about the fact that Syo has taken a liking to her, apparently.

( No she’s not jealous over her own apparent soulmate. Why on earth would she envy that? )

“Fukawa-san?” Pale lavender eyes peer up at her, lips pursed in a small pout. “I know this isn’t the most ideal situation, and..I don’t expect you to warm up to me right away. But I’d like it if we could meet again sometime, as ourselves.”

Touko gives her a long look, scrutinizing, and then looks away. “I’ll think about it.”

“Okay!” She’s quick to agree like she’d said yes; humming happily with a fork in her mouth ( which would be cuter if she didn't have to look at her own ugly face ).

#tokomaru week 2021 #tokomaru #toukomaru #komaru naegi #touko fukawa #toko fukawa #danganronpa #* zhi writes

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iaintyourbro · 4 years

Text

FFVII and Xenogears - Cloud and Fei

So FFVII and Xenogears were in development around the same time. FFVII was released in 1997 and Xenogears was released in 1998.

A lot of the Xenogears story elements were “discarded” FFVII ideas. Mainly due to the fact they were seen as too dark for a FF game. Makes sense... have you played Xenogears?

**Major Spoilers for Both Xenogears and the FFVII Compilation**

This post will be about Cloud and Fei. I plan on also talking about the similarities in Jenova and Miang, the Highwind Scene vs. the SexiTime scene, and anything else I may think of randomly. Xenogears is still one of my favorite games of all time, and I actually think people may understand some of the themes in FFVII more if they played it or at least watched a playthrough of it.

It is a T rated game, but it is definitely dark.

Some major similarities for Cloud and Fei:

The main protagonist of each game has amnesia and severe mental health disorders. FFVII and Xenogears do take slightly different approaches. Fei has full blown Dis-associative Identity Disorder which manifests in a physical form. It’s very Freudian. The “bad” persona, is called “Id”. Cloud creates a persona based on experiences he’s had... except....

Fei did that too, partially. His was due to extreme childhood trauma due to being experimented on... As we know, Cloud’s is due to Hojo being a total piece of shit....

Yeah, they were both experimented on. Fei’s is a lot more disturbing because his mother had been possessed by the “first woman” from the skies... And was having him experimented on, forcibly, while awake. (Don’t worry, there’s gonna be a post about Jenova and Miang too.) Fei was around 3, I believe, when his mother was possessed by Miang and started doing this.

And his mother sacrificed herself in order to defend him... you know... Like Zack did for Cloud....

Fei watched his mother die in front of him just like Cloud watched Zack die in front of him. There’s also a major change in their appearance after it happens. Cloud closes his eyes at the end, opens them again, and hello, SOLDIER!Cloud. Fei’s hair will go in front of his face when he’s going to “turn in to Id.” You don’t know this until after towards the end of the game, when you realize it in Fei’s subconscious... Oh yeah...

You also have to go in to Fei’s subconscious and merge his multiple personalities he’s created... However, you do this on your own. Elly does not come with you, in fact she’s not even allowed to be in the party at this point, which will also be covered in another post.

Fei’s father is around, though, and he has attempted in the past to help Fei by building him up enough to be able to handle this and be able to see what Id needed to show him.

Some of the differences, and areas where ideas “merged”:

Fei’s Id persona is a mean kid. He says he wants to destroy everything, he does destroy a lot of stuff and he’s just mean. He even has lines similar to things Sephiroth would say to Cloud.

There’s also the happy persona inside of here - the one prior to the experiments and Miang possessing his mother, and he’s up there in the videos talking about his most treasured possession, which is a memory of him playing with his mother. He wouldn’t allow Id to see it.

Cloud’s persona is not as extreme in the differences. Cloud’s was somewhat medically induced due to the mako poisoning, Jenova cells, and just a ton of trauma. Fei’s was mostly built the way DID can normally pop-up, which is just pure childhood trauma. However, the Wave Existence (this game has a ton of blatant religious references, by the way), explains it VERY similar to how Cloud describes it about himself:

Fei and Elly reincarnate, so that’s a major difference here in terms of what they are talking about. Cloud’s is done to him directly, while Fei’s is due to some stuff that went on 10,000 years ago when everything happened on this world. The explanation during the entire scene in Xenogears is a lot to take in, but they do a very good job of explaining it. Yes, it’s still somewhat confusing, but I think because they used so much dialogue during this scene, you get a very good idea of what happened to the world, the Fei and Elly, and why things are they way they are.

Fei’s memories aren’t just from this life, but from ALL of his lives from 10,000 back to present.

Fei has an interesting response to what the Wave Existence says...

Fei is determined to get through this on his own.

Hey Wave Existence, how come you didn’t go help Cloud out over in Advent Children? Would have been nice... Especially since Fei’s dad pretty much dies right after this is all over with.

Personality wise, Cloud and Fei are pretty different, fake persona or not. Fei is mostly confident, somewhat social, and much more optimistic. The persona that you play as is a very normal guy. The persona that he turns in to that you don’t realize is trying to kill you randomly in the game... he’s just pure rage and evil.

Cloud, as we all know, under his persona tries to act cold and uncaring. His true personality is that of an awkward ham wrapped in a cinnamon bun. However, he is very caring and will save anyone - under either persona, it seems.

Fei will too. It’s just more “obvious” with Fei, since he’s out going. Id will not save you, he will kill you. He will even try to kill Elly. Id doesn’t give a shit, he’s a honey badger.

If you’d like to watch the scenes where Fei explores what’s going on, you can watch them here:

Fei’s Mind Part 1

Fei’s Mind Part 2

I would absolutely recommend you wait to watch these if you haven’t played the game and want to, but if you want some more context on how things work with Xenogears, these would be interesting. Some of it may also be confusing unless you know some of the other stuff about the game, but they honestly do a pretty damn good job of giving you a breakdown.

Fun fact: The song that plays in Xenogears while you’re in Fei’s subconscious is called “The One Who is Torn Apart”. During Cloud’s subconscious journey, “Who Am I?” plays. You could ultimately put either song over either scene and it would get the same point across. Cloud’s is a bit more upbeat, but I’m going to see about doing that and how it impacts the emotion of the scene.

#xenogears #fei fong wong #cloud strife #cloud strife is a cinnamon bun #tifa lockhart #cloti #cloud x tifa mentioned #ff7 #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #ffvii #ff7r #ff7 spoilers #xenogears spoilers #elly van houten #elhaym van houten #fei x elly

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need-a-new-hobby · 4 years

Text

In Heat

“C’mon sweetheart, where’s your spirit?” Derek teased Piper as she pawed gently at the punching bag. She tried to ignore the other women gawking at Derek in a sleeveless sweatshirt.

“I’m not good at this stuff, Derek.” She whined. “Give me an unsub to profile any day, just don’t tell me to punch one.”

“You may not get a choice sweetheart. Okay, forget the punching bag.” He moved her over to the gym mats, holding up his palms. “Punch me.”

“Derek-”

“Do it. Punch the palms.”

“But-”

“Pipes, if you can’t do this, you can’t be on the field.” Piper raised her fists and punched lightly. “Good. But I need you to tap into your anger.”

“I don’t have anger.”

“You threw your copy of Geoffrey Chaucer at my head the other day.”

“That wasn’t anger.” She kept punching lightly. “That was...me having fun.”

“What about the time you threatened me with your 5th edition of Wuthering Heights?”

“You didn’t make me go through with it,” she retorted, punching slightly harder.

“Okay, stop, stop.” He held her shoulders. “I want you to close your eyes.”

“Der-”

“I know what I’m doing. Close ‘em.” She obliged, standing still, his hands grasped at her shoulders. “Imagine Tobias Hankel hurting Reid.” He let her go, hoping her memory would trigger her anger. “Now imagine Hotch telling you to stay put.” Punch. “Good. Imagine that bullet missed your shoulder and hit Rossi.” Punch. “Imagine Penelope in the hospital.” Punch. “Imagine JJ crying and you being absent.” Punch. “Good. Imagine Emily getting punched by an unsub.” Punch. “Imagine Hotch kicking you out.” Crack! “Jesus, not the nose!” She opened her eyes and almost shrieked at Derek clutching his nose.

“Shit, Derek, are you okay?” She ran to the end of the gym to grab two water bottles and a bunch of paper towels. “I’m so sorry,” she apologised as profusely as the bleeding of his nose. She tried to insist on taking him to a doctor, but Morgan just laughed, walking off into the locker rooms. She stared at her fists for a minute before doing the same.

“She punched you in the nose?” Emily couldn’t stop laughing as Derek gingerly touched the bandages on his nose. Piper walked in with a plate of chocolate cookies for him wrapped in plastic.

“I’m really sorry, Derek.”

“Wait, were there girls around?”

“Yeah, I felt so guilty, they were all just staring at us.”

“Relax, Pipes. I’m proud of you. And even if you did break my nose, I got all this to compensate.”

“Eww, gross. Piper, punch him again.” Laughing, they followed JJ into the conference room. Rossi walked in after they’d all been seated, as the norm for his dramatic entrances.

“Morgan, what happened to your nose?”

“Piper’s knuckles,” Emily said between chuckles. Piper just held her head in her hands.

“Can we please get started?”

Charles Luvet was found floating in a Miami marina last night. Local ME thinks that he was only in the water about an hour. Doesn't appear to be any attempt to weigh the body down. The dumping could be convenient, as opposed to a means of hiding the crime. He's the third victim found in Miami over the last two months. Though the locations of the bodies are different, many of the elements are the same-- All males, 25 to 35, all traveling, all asphyxiated with no signs of sexual assault. None of the hyoid bones were fractured. no visual signs of trauma. No ligature marks. Yet, the unsub still managed to asphyxiate grown men. He could have used a chokehold which wouldn't leave any signs of trauma. also be a way of controlling a male. A powerful grip from behind gives the unsub all the leverage. None of these victims look out-of-shape or easy to control. In fact, they all look remarkably fit. The recovery locations are very different. Charles Luvet was found in the water. Daniel Brown was partially buried in the shallow sand dune. Paul Hayes was stuffed into a dumpster, all found in high-traffic areas.

There wasn’t much to discuss on the jet so Piper settled down to read her book on Charlemagne as Rossi slid into the seat next to her. “Something’s been bugging me?”

“Hmm?” she asked, not looking up from her book.

“How does a history teacher become an FBI agent?”

“Well, 4 kids in my class were found dead in the woods and the BAU was convinced it was an adult. Except I was sure it was one of my kids once I got the details of the case from Morgan. Then I yelled at the sheriff for not listening to me, stormed out and then Gideon let me stay and help with the case. He convinced Hotch to make me a temporary consultant and after I took the profiling classes, made me a permanent fixture.” Rossi blinked a few times and Derek snickered. In Miami, Piper shed her white blazer in the SUV and rolled up her purple sleeves as the cars pulled up to the police station, pulling out her sunglasses from her pocket.

“Is it always this hot?” Spencer asked his team as two blonde ladies walked past Rossi and Morgan.

“Every day, all day,” Morgan murmured.

“That's south beach,” Rossi smirked as Piper laughed behind him.

“That's not what I'm talking about,” Spencer spluttered.

“Oh, they know.” Hotch smiled as Piper and Emily retrieved their bags from the back of the car. Hotch heard Piper stammer at JJ taking the bags off of her, then shake her head in defeat. Derek saw a young woman strut over to them wearing a green tank top and white pants trailing to her knee. Lucky for him, the bandages weren’t necessary on the trip, though the nose was a little swollen, he knew he was still as handsome as ever.

“FBI? Detective Lopez, Miami PD.” Before JJ could shake her hand, Derek stepped forward, tenderly shaking her hands, introducing himself in a dulcet tone.

“Someone tell Derek to keep it in his pants.” Emily muttered in Piper’s ear. “Last thing we need is a scandal.” Piper snickered quietly.

“I don’t think we have a chance. No solvent on the planet could dissolve that animal magnetism,” she murmured back as Emily choked on her laugh.

“Something wrong?” The detective asked, watching Emily go red.

“Nothing, she just choked on something. Just needs water.” Piper deadpanned as she shoved a bottle of water into Emily’s hands. “Breathe, Em.” Before anything got messier, JJ interrupted.

“Agent Jareau--JJ. We spoke on the phone. These are Agents Hotchner, Prentiss, Rossi, Derek, Dr. Reid and Dr. Bishop.”

“Well, I hope there's no test because I'm lousy with names,” she joked humourlessly.

“Agent will be fine.”

Reid looked up, seeing a familiar face. “Hey, isn't that--”

“Detective LaMontagne just arrived from New Orleans to ID the cop they pulled from the bay last night,” Lopez informed them.

“Detective, it's good to see you,” JJ greeted him. Emily almost choked again as Piper rubbed her back, struggling to hide her smirk.

“Yeah. Charlie Luvet and I worked together for 7 years. We haven't formally ID’d him yet, but we believe it's him.”

“Sorry for your loss, man,” Derek said gently.

“So, you all know each other?”

“Professionally.” JJ stated. Piper tried to contain herself for dignity’s sake at JJ’s response.

“Yeah. The BAU helped me out on a case about a year ago. Just for the sake of clarity, I'm not here to investigate. Charlie was supposed to be married this august, so if the guy that floated up last night was him, I guess I have the honour of notifying his fiancee, so she's gonna need some answers, closure, and I'm just here to get that for her.”

“Do you know why he was here?” Piper asked from the back of the group.

“He was meeting up with some college buddies to compete in a regatta. He was a big boat guy.”

“So, he wasn't traveling alone?”

“Well, he came alone. He was meeting them here.”

“We should track these friends down, see if they saw anything. And the two other victims, any potential witnesses?”

Lopez denied. “Paul Hayes was here alone on business. Daniel Brown came down to windsurf by himself.”

“So, they were all essentially alone. The unsub watched them long enough to know that.” As they walked up the stairs to the precinct, Emily noticed JJ linger on the stairwell with Will, before snickering to Piper as they walked away.

“What was that?” His accent dripped from his tongue as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“What was what?”

“‘Professionally’? Hey, you still haven't told anyone about us?”

“It's none of their business.”

“Where do you tell them you go every weekend?”

“I don't.”

“Are you ashamed or something?”

“What?” JJ’s voice raised in pitch and lowered in volume. “No. No. It's just in this team, everyone knows everything about everyone. There's no privacy. My personal life is one less thing they can profile, all right? We should get up there.”

“Yeah. Wouldn't want your team to think something is up, would we?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Please don't do this, okay?”

“You realise that this is gonna happen every now and then when our career paths cross, right?”

“Doesn't make it any less awkward.”

“Okay. Well, never realised how much awkward could sound like ashamed,” Will said as he stalked off. The New Orleans detective and JJ joined the rest of the team in a small room where they could work from.

“This is everything we recovered from Paul Hayes' hotel room. It's all been processed, so don't worry about touching anything.”

“Thank you,” Hotch replied, paying attention to what little evidence they had.

“I'm gonna take the skinny kid and Derek to the dump sites, So I got my cell, radio. If anyone doesn't give you anything, just call me.” Lopez said as she walked off and Piper laughed as the woman left.

“She did say she wasn’t good with names,” Rossi said to them.

“Remembered Derek,” Emily laughed.

“Wonder how she’d describe us,” Hotch smirked. “I’m gonna take LaMontagne and JJ to ID the body. See what you can find.” He ordered before leaving.

“I really don’t wanna know,” Piper remarked to him as he walked past her, examining the ring of the table as Emily sighed sombrely, gazing at the spread of evidence.

“It's always sad seeing someone's life reduced to the things they had with them when they died. It's just so clear they didn't know how short their time would be.”

“Odd,” Rossi remarked and Piper raised an eyebrow. “His wife reported that he'd been down here almost a week on business, yet he never wore any of the suits he packed.”

Emily glanced through the PDA. "And there are appointments going back 6 months, but nothing is listed for the week he was here.”

Piper turned over the ring in her hands. “Hayes was wearing running clothes when he was killed. Who takes off their wedding ring to jog?”

“I’ll call Hotch,” Emily said as she left the room. Piper’s cell buzzed at the same time.

“Yeah Morgan, you’re on speaker.”

“I just got an address out of Charlie Luvet's rental. It's to a bar in south beach-- 11257 Palm Drive. It's a gay bar, Pipes. I don't think Charlie Luvet was ever out here to meet friends for a race.”

“Same here with Paul Hayes. His wife said he was here for business but he hasn’t worn his suits, there’s nothing in his PDA booked for the week and he took off his wedding ring to go jog. No better place to have an affair than Miami.”

“Yeah, we’re gonna have to rethink our victimology.” Piper slipped her phone in her pocket, running her hand through her hair.

“So that’s why you hate Miami?”

“I don’t hate Miami.” Rossi just stared at her. “Fine. It’s not the greatest place on earth. It’s always hot and it’s full of PDA.”

“I’m guessing you weren’t much fun in high school.”

“I grew up in San Francisco. Our idea of fun was sneaking around behind our parents back to go to the beach and set a bonfire at midnight. Not easy to do when your father’s a detective.”

“In other words, you were the one starting the fire?” Piper’s wicked smile was the only answer he needed as they left to join Emily in the bullpen.

Piper was perched on a table, hair tied up messily, as JJ threw her and Emily a water bottle. “Oh, thank you. You read my mind,” Emily said exasperated.

“I don't understand how it can be this dry when it's this humid,” JJ whined.

“Mmm. Sweat all your fluids out outside and then come into bone-dry air conditioning.”

“Well, then if I could just hook this up to an IV--”

“I’ve never been so jealous of ice cubes.” Piper scoffed, wiping the sweat of the back of her neck. “How do you girls cope with long hair?” JJ just smiled as she guzzled her water. “At least we have something fun to look at, keep us on our toes.”

“What do you mean?” JJ asked.

“LaMontagne,” said Piper nonchalantly, kneeing Emily gently as JJ turned around.

“You think so, huh?” JJ muttered.

“Don't you see it?”

“How tall do you think he is?” Emily asked.

“Well, he’s a little shorter than Derek,” Piper murmured, loud enough for JJ. “5,7, 5,8?”

Emily murmured back, “Isn’t it funny? We have all of Miami, and we choose the cop from New Orleans?”

“Can you blame us? Look at him.” As JJ huffed away, Piper high fived Emily before jumping down as Hotch looked at her, like a father would a misbehaving child. Yikes, she mouthed at Emily before joining him near the front of the room. JJ marched to the front of the room past LaMontagne and called the precinct to attention, passing it over to Garcia on the large screen behind her.

“Our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia, will start off by talking about the 4 remaining victims still missing.”

“Two of them disappeared on the same day a few months ago, and then the third and the fourth went missing within the last 4 weeks.”

“We think the unsub is targeting these guys on their travels,” Piper added for clarification.

“Yeah, and then when the befriending happens, whoosh. They vanish. However it looks like there's a connection between our current victims and the men that are still missing. See, 2 of those 4 missing men were totally out, openly gay when they disappeared. I saw one of them on socialcrib.net. That's a social networking site. They had a photo of his boyfriend.”

“Assuming the 4 missing men are meeting the same unsub, it means he's killing almost weekly, which also means he may have already chosen his next victim,” Hotch summarised the gravity of the situation.

“What we need is more information on the movements of our victims before they met the unsub. We have 3 confirmed victims and 4 possibles. Some of our other colleagues are out in the community now trying to see if anyone remembers anything about these men,” Emily filled in.

“It's also not just the fact that our victims were traveling alone that left them vulnerable to the unsub. We believe they may have been looking specifically to meet other men. Based on the ages of the victims, we're looking for an offender in his mid to late 20s. He's familiar with the area, and he may be offering assistance to those who are not,” Hotch continued, nodding at Piper.

“He studies his victims' habits, learns how to gain their trust. This unsub is charming, charismatic, intelligent. We assume he frequents gay establishments, But he may also work at one. His targeting of male homosexuals suggests this is either a hate crime, or more likely, a man struggling with his own sexuality.”

“And, given the technique with which he kills, he may have had prior defence tactic training. He may be a member of the military or recently discharged. He steals their possessions, but he doesn't pawn a thing,” Emily finished. Done with giving the preliminary profile, they started packing up to head to the hotel. JJ finished first and left. “Do you think what we said worked?”

“No clue. Hopefully Will’ll do the rest.”

“Why won’t she tell us?”

“Because she’s not sure if she wants it to be real,” Piper said plainly, looking for a file to put back in the case box.

“Why not? He’s a great guy.”

“And she’s insecure she’ll mess it up if it’s real.” She popped back up from the side of the desk, file in hand.

“I’m always surprised at how good you are at this stuff.”

“I choose to take that as a compliment, and besides,” Piper smiled winningly as she lifted the heavy box, dumping it with the others. “I have 4 PhDs for a reason.” She sighed, looking at the boxes forlornly. “I always feel bad, leaving like this. Feel like a day isn’t enough.”

“Yeah, well. Cases take time and I have a gut feeling. We’re getting close.” Piper reached down to grab her go-bag only to find it swatted by Emily who lifted it for her.

“Em.”

“Don’t Em me. Go.” They laughed as they headed out, slipping past JJ and Will on the porch outside the glass doors. As Piper unlocked the key to her room, JJ argued with Will.

“Are you ashamed of this?” Will rubbed the back of his neck as he desperately tried to make sense of his relationship. JJ was gorgeous, intelligent and he thought she was perfect.

“No.”

“Did I offend you?”

“No.”

“You want to see another guy?”

“No."

“You want to break up?”

“Y--” His heart broke as he heard a different syllable slip from her lips. He never thought his skills in interrogation would elicit this response. He steeled himself to ask again, but his voice still faltered.

“Y-You do?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” He nodded, broken, his eyes pleaded for some warrant, some explanation. He had to have done something wrong.

“You supposed to hop on a plane every weekend forever? And neither one of us is willing to relocate, so--” Flabbergasted. He didn’t know that was the way he felt, but he felt it as JJ made up excuses. She was hiding, pretending that it was a logistical issue, hoping it would all go away.

“When did we have that discussion?”

“Well, do you?”

“Maybe.”

“You want to give up your career in New Orleans so you can live in Quantico, Virginia?”

“Well, I'd at least like to have that option. You know, look, JJ, all I'm looking for here is an acknowledgement to your friends that you care about me.”

“Why? Why is that so important to you?”

“Why?” He stepped back. He may not be a profiler, but he understood one thing that night. Sure, JJ cared about him, but she was ashamed of it. He wanted to shake her, to explain to her that he loved her, more than anything in the world, that he would, at the drop of a hat, give up his career and move. For her. For her he would move heaven and earth just so the sun wouldn’t hurt her eyes but she wouldn’t even couldn’t even acknowledge the love they shared and this was a folly she would have to fix. “Have a good night, JJ.” He moved past her out into the tropical evening as she stood speechless and thunder resounded in the sky.

The next morning, Piper folded her grey blazer in her hands as she walked besides her team to the next crime scene. They found Detective Lopez clearing away the body for the medical exam and she turned to the BAU, summarising their most recent finds. The victim was male, in the same age range and they found Detective Luvet's police badge about a half a block from the scene, meaning the unsub either ditched it or dropped it when he was getting away. There was still no sign of Luvet’s gun, suggesting the unsub was still holding onto it.

“Why would he kill out in the open like this?”

“He's losing control emotionally, could be devolving. He’s going off pattern by leaving the body out in plain sight like that,” Piper thought aloud.

“He was interrupted. By a bus boy,” Lopez informed them, beckoning the young witness to come forward. He couldn’t have been older than 22, wearing a low cut, striped yellow shirt, a beaded necklace hanging from his collarbones. He’d come out here on his break to have a smoke, and found the victim on the ground. His friend said that they had just been mugged and that he was a cop, So he took off, and he chased after the alleged muggers.

“So he’s impersonating Luvet?” Emily suggested, coming to a mutual agreement with the team. “Could just be a ruse he used to get away.”

“But if he is impersonating his victims, why?” Morgan asked.

“Transference.” Hotch answered. “Whatever he sees in his victims, He wants for himself. He hates who he is and he's targeting tourists because he sees them as living a kind of lie, too.”

“Could be suffering from cluster B.” Piper noted.

“What’s cluster B?” Lopez asked her, eyebrows furrowing.

“A cluster of personality disorders,” Reid answered. “It's also called the erratic, dramatic emotional cluster, an enduring pattern of inner experience and behaviour that differentiates itself markedly from the expectations of the individual's culture. It manifests itself--”

“Essentially, it’s a group of personality disorders,” Piper summarised, seeing Lopez’s exasperated look as Spencer nodded, mirroring Piper’s polite cat smile and nodding. “My best guess is if he’s struggling with his sexuality, he probably came from a very conservative background growing up meaning his sexual desires conflict with the uh... norms he grew up with. That inner conflict is what created,” Piper gestured to the crime scene they stood in, “all this. It’s an urge to stabilise himself emotionally.”

“In which case,” Emily continued, “something is triggering his need to escape, something that makes him feel vulnerable.”

“So, he can't allow himself the vulnerability. Escape into the fantasy protects him from ever having to look at himself,” Hotch added as an afterthought.

“You know, if the unsub lives in their skin, odds are, he's living in their hotel rooms. We need ID,” Morgan pointed out. Hotch ordered for the prints of this victim to be sent to Garcia so she could find out the victim’s hotel room. For the first time in a long time, Piper was headed back out into the field.

“How’s your shoulder?” Spencer murmured as they speed-walked up the stairs, two at a time.

“Spence, it’s been a month.” He stared at her. “It’s fine. Seriously. Besides, I’m sick of being cooped up in police precincts.”

“Right.” They creeped up to room 314, quietly unholstering their guns. Piper felt comfort wash over her as her forefinger wrapped around the trigger. Lopez stood behind the door, gun at the ready as Derek pushed the door open. They fluidly moved into practiced positions as Lopez charged straight ahead while Derek and Emily covered her flanks and Spencer and Piper covered their backs. Finding the main room clear, Lopez kept her gun trained on the bathroom door through which she could hear running water. Piper pushed the door open for her and together they marched inside back-to-back to find nothing. The room was empty. "The place is torn apart."

"What could he be looking for?" Emily asked as Piper and Lopez came back out of the bathroom.

"Could be anything. Money, clothes, car keys?" Piper pondered. "We could order a full inventory, but we can only guess at what's missing."

"I'm gonna check if Rogers had a rental car." Piper nodded at Derek as he left.

"Emily and I'll start sorting through…" Piper trailed off as she gestured to the mess in the hotel room.

"I'll call CSU, they'll get here in 5 minutes." Lopez informed as Piper pulled clear gloves from her pocket and knelt to the open suitcase.

"What's his plan?" Piper murmured to Spencer standing behind her.

"The unsub can't follow his pattern. He thinks there might have been a witness, so he's gonna need to change identities sooner than usual."

"What if he can't?" Piper mused, standing up.

"What do you mean?"

"We're predicting that the unsub may take another life in the next 24 hours because there was a witness who saw him. Garcia said the first 2 victims disappeared in one day so what if somebody might have seen something that threatened the unsub with getting caught?" Emily stood up, joining them.

“Steven Fitzgerald first went missing 2 months ago, took a bus to Miami from Oakland park, never seen again. Robert Feeney flew in for a wedding but never arrived at his hotel.”

“Right, well, Hotch and Rossi are still at the precinct so they can get to the families quicker. There’s gotta be a common factor between the two men.”

Rossi exited the SUV outside the two storey house as Hotch followed close behind. They observed the young woman planting in the garden outside the porch. Her hair was loosely tied in a braid that flowed around the side of her neck and covered in shade by the bucket hat she wore. She got up, noticing the two men in sunglasses, brushing the dirt off of her green overalls. The two men couldn’t be more different. One was wearing a dark suit in the 100 degree heat while the other wore a pale blue button up with sleeves rolled to the elbows. She watched them, trowel in hand, stride towards her father’s house. Clearing her throat, she asked if she could help the gentlemen. Hopefully, she thought, they just needed directions. Her heart sunk as they flashed their badges and asked if anyone was home. “Just me ‘n my dad.” They wanted to speak to him about Stevie. She opened the gate to the front lawn and motioned for them to come in. While Rossi walked inside, Hotch stayed to talk to the young woman. As they finished the interviews, both gentlemen looked agonised by Steven Fitzgerald’s past. Seated in the car, Hotch pulled out his cell and dialled Piper’s number.

“Hey Hotch! Whatchya find?” Rossi spoke first.

“Steven Fitzgerald’s father is a prison guard. That heavily conservative background you guessed? Perfectly describes him.”

“Shit. Was he abusive?”

“Yeah. Used prison tactics to try and beat the gay out of his son. Saw Steven's homosexuality as a failing.��Thought Steven was gay just to piss him off.” Hotch put forward his own findings.

“Sarah, Steven’s sister, she sent him on the bus to Miami to protect him.”

“Essentially his father convinced him he was worthless, contemptible for being who he was, and he believed him, so he found a way to become someone else, anyone else.”

“So Steven isn’t missing. He’s our unsub. Morgan found something here too. Deacon Rogers never rented a car, he drove here from Texas. Lopez put a BOLO out on the car. I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay, we’ll be back soon.” Hotch flipped the phone shut and started the car.

The team walked up to the crime scene, almost in formation. Piper felt sick as she saw the victim’s head drooping on the car seat. “Victim was asphyxiated, male, same age range. He left the car, why?” Lopez asked them.

“Still transference. He’s adopting their identities as their own,” Piper explained. “I’m guessing this guy was picked up along the way.”

“He's not becoming his victims by choice,” Reid elaborated. “It's his illness. He'd have to travel the exact same way.”

“From the looks of his sunburn, he was hitchhiking,” Rossi noted as Morgan leaned into the vehicle, pulling out scraps of paper. One including a receipt to a youth hostel which he displayed to the team dated from last night. “Any hostels near here?” Rossi asked Lopez.

“There's a few hostels in North Miami Beach, 4 miles that way,” Lopez pointed, “and in Seneca, 5 miles west.”

“We’ll have to split up.” Morgan, Bishop and Lopez drove to Seneca, Lopez and Morgan in the SUV with back up behind them, Bishop speeding ahead on her bike. She pulled into the first hostel she saw as Lopez and Morgan took the next. They worked like that for 3 hostels before the sun started sinking into the horizon. As dusk settled in, they were at the last hostel, asking for Michael Aldridge. Heart pounding, Piper realised the hostels were more like a building with dorms, full of kids, and Steven was in there, still with Luvet’s gun. The same realisation fell on Lopez as she started running in. Morgan tried to stop her, to make her wait for the team, but her ferocity regarding the situation clearly made him think twice. Piper unlatched her gun and followed without a second thought and Morgan stood there for a few minutes, helpless, before following them both, beckoning the officers on back up to pursue. Piper’s finger latched on to the trigger, silently steeling herself. Carefully, she started filing kids out of the day room, until there were only two left in the back table. One kid slowly put his hands up and Piper waved him outside. Finally, there was only Detective Lopez, Dr Bishop, Agent Morgan and two officers, all of them raising their guns to Steven. They tried beckoning them but it wasn’t until Piper called out that he turned to face them.

“Michael,” she called. “We’d like to speak to you. If you could slowly raise your hands and turn around, it would be greatly appreciated.” Piper spoke evenly, hoping her voice wouldn’t betray the steadily increasing beat in her chest. She tried to ignore her shoulder as Steven listened. He swivelled his head, speaking in a German accent, hand still shoved in the backpack. “I have done nothing. I didn't do anything.”

“Michael, would you put the bag on the floor please?” Piper tried to remain calm, but her brain pounded with possibilities. In that one moment, she imagined the scenario she dreaded, where Michael would pull out Luvet’s gun and shoot Morgan twice. She was panicking. She hadn’t been in the field in so long, she forgot how to breathe. Inhale...1...2... Hold...1...2... Exhale...1...2...3...

“I have done nothing. I didn't do anything.”

“I know Michael. We just want to ask you some questions. Do you know where Steven is?” She asked as gently as she could.

“No. I don’t know Steven.”

“Try to remember Michael. Where is Steven?”

“No. I don't know Steven! I don't know Steven! Why do you want Steven? Steven is stupid. He's--He's disgusting! He's filthy!” Steven spat, breathing heavily.

“No, he isn’t. You aren’t disgusting, Steven. You aren’t filthy. You are human, Steven and you are loved.” She spoke softly, slowly lowering her gun. “Nothing is wrong with you.” The young man in front of her glanced toward the other, all with their guns raised. “Ignore them, Steven. They don’t know you. Look at me. Look right at me.” Piper raised her hands, stepping carefully towards him. “Do you remember Sarah, Steven?”

“S--Sarah?”

“Sarah is your sister. She loves you very much, Steven. She wants you to come home, Steven. She wants you to stop running.”

“Sarah.” He murmured, recognition flashing in his eyes.

“We aren’t going to hurt you Steven. Just put the bag down. It’s gonna be okay.” She was inches away. If he just dropped the bag... It slipped and Piper pulled him towards her, enveloping him in a hug.

“I never did anything,” he sobbed as she rubbed his back.

“Let’s get you out of here, Steven.” She released him then turned him around. “I have to do this, Steven.” She cuffed him gently as he kept whispering that he didn’t do anything. As the officers took him away, she collapsed in the nearest seat possible, breathing heavily. Morgan rubbed her shoulder, whispering that she did good. She just sat there for a couple minutes as Morgan and Lopez left with Steven. As Morgan and Lopez flirted outside, Piper started crying silently. There was no reason, and yet every reason as she slipped out the back to her bike to drive back to the precinct, texting Derek that she’d left.

Derek slowly pushed Steven into the police car before he turned to the detective. “That friend of yours is good,” she remarked.

“That’s why she’s here.”

“No, I mean, I could never pretend to be that empathetic to a murderer.”

“Easy to do when you’re not pretending.” The young woman gave him a small smile as she gave the backpack to another officer.

“You like it here, huh?”

“South Beach? What’s not to like? When I’m off-duty of course.”

“Anytime you're free, I can introduce you to the real South Beach, stuff we locals like to keep to ourselves.”

“You think you can show me a good time, huh?”

“You look like mojitos, Cuban food, Brazilian jazz.” He chuckled.

“Not bad.”

“Call it an educated guess. Come on down, Papi. I'll take good care of you.”

“I'll hold you to that.” He chuckled as she sauntered off. His jovial mood quickly faded as Hotch pulled up in front of him. “Hotch--”

“You couldn’t wait?” Derek glanced at the leaving detective and to the hostel where he’d left Piper.

“This one’s on me, Hotch. I didn’t think we had enough time.” Hotch licked his lips, before turning back to the car.

At the precinct, Piper downed her bottle of water as she played with her bike keys, glancing ever so often at JJ and Will in the corner. Emily joined her and they both watched the two, groaning as one left. Piper nudged Emily to egg JJ on. She watched hopefully as Emily murmured something to JJ. “You know what?” murmured JJ as she ran towards Will. Finally. Piper walked over to Emily and they watched, smiling as their girl confessed to the boy. They were about to slap their foreheads when she kept rambling but cheered silently as Will pulled JJ in for a slow, sweet kiss. His hands wrapped around JJ’s waist as Derek and Spencer joined the other girls.

“I thought she was never gonna admit it,” Piper joked as she pushed Derek’s arm off from around her shoulders.

“Yeah. What's it been, like, a year?”

“Yeah, something like that,” Emily muttered.

“We should stop watching before it gets creepy,” Piper declared, walking off as the others followed.

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heeres-suffering · 4 years

Text

Be More Alluring: a Personality Swap AU

[pic description and source will be at the bottom of this post, under the read more]

Start of summary:

“You need to be more alluring.”

"... don’t you mean attractive?”

“I do not. Your attractiveness is adequate, Brooke; if you want to mask your apparently latent queerness, you have to make them want you straight. Isn’t that why your step-father defended you?”

Brooke Lohst is a loser.

But you know what? That was okay.

She always knew she was a weird one. The intensity of her affection for puppies, picture books, and near-constant daydreaming has lasted well-past a normalcy she can’t seem to grasp; when coupled with her inability to befriend anyone (besides the similarly self-identified loser Michael Mell), it’s not a surprise the rest of her peers have left her behind.

However, there were... ah, worse things in her life to worry about then some mild bullying. She liked her passion well enough, and all of her true insecurities went largely unnoticed, so any insults or weird looks rarely lingered in her mind. It’s not like she was a constant target either, which helped a lot. All in all, she just planned to hunker down, wait out the awkwardness of High School like everyone else, and move on to the rest of her life...

Except.

When Brooke develops a crush on a girl she’s never talked to, after years of avoiding fairy tale romance and trying not to think about the inevitability of marriage (or how finicky her attraction to boys is in the first place), it feels like her whole world is about to cave in. She’d do anything to make sure her parents, especially daddy, never find out... including buying an edible super computer from the loudest, tiniest guy in school.

End of summary.

Alright!

Hi, hello, it’s Mod Seb, and here’s an AU I’ve been rolling around for a few days! You are free to do with this concept whatever you want, but I wanted to introduce it with a good chunk of the info I’ve already worked out in my head.

So. As the CWs are... too numerous, I’m going to go with a blanket “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” label and encourage you not to read the rest of this if you have any big darkfic triggers that could be upset by mere mention; this isn’t a fic tho, so descriptions of anything awful won’t last long.

Although, I will mention upfront that Brooke isn’t a binary lesbian. I know the description might read like I’m setting her up to be 100% homosexual; she’s bi with a strong preference for girls, and anyone who presents soft enough in gender or appearance. If it wasn’t for the end-game pairings, her unfamiliarity with smaller details/history of the LGBTQ+ community, and general “gay newb” status, she’d likely ID as a bi lesbian!

(ships and everything else under the Read More)

Okay. That out of the way, there’s quite a number of pairings; I’m pretty sure it’s a super polyamorous and sexual AU, though you’re free to change this list as much as you’d like:

[bolded are end-game ships. italics physically hook up at least once. strike-through means they were in a relationship but break-up in some way before the ending. (H) stands for healthy, while (T) is toxic and/or noncon. underlined characters are pining for the other and may never confess their true feelings]

Brooke/Christine (H), Brooke/Rich (H), Brooke/Jenna (H), Brooke/Michael (H), Brooke/Chloe (T), Brooke/her Daddy (T), Brooke/Squip (H), Brooke/Jeremy (soft T at first bc of mirrored canon-compliant manipulation, H later on), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy (H), Brooke/Squip/Jeremy/Rich (H), Rich/Moses (H), [insert every form of Rich/Mo/Squip/Jeremy here] (H), Jeremy/Chloe (T), Jeremy/Michael (H), Michael/Christine (H), Michael/Christine/Mr. Heere (H; no, seriously), Madeline/Brooke (H)

This is, of course, a role swap AU where Brooke and Jeremy trade places based on my personal lore for their home lives. I always have some pretty fucked ideas as I don’t imagine MB is a great place with great adults, and I pick and choose which parts of canons I use and which I don’t.

There is no definite ending planned in mind as this isn’t an outline; it’s meta (or an imagine or w/e) for an AU that you’re free to do whatever with.

So,

The big difference is that Brooke was picked by Michael, while Jeremy was picked by Chloe. Jeremy is trans and hadn’t come out yet; if Chloe had known he was a boy, she wouldn’t have grabbed him. In contrast, Michael’s never gave a shit about potential friends genders.

Jer and B’s personalities... are altered some. Not ALL the way, but kiiinda fusing into their roles, kinda tweaked (I'll get back to that).

The main point of this for me was Brooke/Squip/Jeremy, with B/Jer having a MUCH stronger focus than in canon, and a really bad Chloe acting as one of the major villains.

Michael gets roped into Chloe’s shit, even tho he's still generally a good guy here, bc he's worried about B and thinks she can't properly take care of herself.

While B DOES have a strong crush on Christine, she’s the opposite of the Squip’s “goal”; that’s (obvs) masking, or making passably digestible, her queerness.

Her Mom and step-’Daddy’ have reacted to her friendship w/ ‘openly gay moms, also very flamboyant and GNC’ Michael... poorly.

Michael thinks the solution has to be “act as aggressively yourself as you can, and if they reject you, you know me and the mom’s have a space for you”. This works for him bc he’s permanently hyper-visible, what with all of his own marginalized identities. But, not only has she flied under the radar in comparison to him for years, he doesn’t know everything about her life.

In fact, he doesn’t know most of it. She’s very good at hiding things.

Meanwhile, Jeremy, one of the more popular ‘boy... ish’ (we’ll get to this, too) people in school, is mid-psychosis and self-destruction. He actually has schizo-affective disorder--as is the case with all of my versions of Jeremy--which he needs medication for. Combined that with so many bad influences and trauma, he can no longer fully control himself or his life.

The way he handles this (badly) is to ‘whore around’--which, besides being Chloe’s pet, is kinda why he’s so popular. Nobody respects him, but he’s viewed some form of favorably.

Jeremy is in a relationship with Rich, but he won't let him get as close/protective as Rich wants; Mo and Rich were doing their own man-whoring (but healthy, just droppin’ panties and making dudes and chicks swoon--yeah, Rich is out as bisexual, this is a very ‘the Squips are a good thing’ AU) to gain their standard reputation, but in the course of that, they got together with Jeremy and it became... complicated. Both of them are very "nnn" about how bad his life is for Jer.

The way that their personalities are altered is... okay. To explain this, I have to talk about my characterization of canon-Brooke and Jeremy in relation to this, starting with Brooke:

I imagine B as just a liiittle below the line of "all the way there" for sorta-similar reasons to Jeremy here: trauma, and Chloe (which is why that’s what Jeremy gets in this, it’s just WAY worse when compounded by everything else). She’s also--like me, and like almost every character I write as a result--autistic, in a near-permanent state of “not enough accommodations” and over-stimulation. This leads to a lot of dissociation and a very wandering mind, as well as being perceived as a bimbo or dumb blonde or w/e misogynistic bullshit is projected onto her by the boys she dates (she’s also much more down the middle bi outside this AU).

So, going back to how she is for this AU: she's actually not super nerdy, despite the close connection she and Michael have. Honestly, it’s their general neurodivergent weirdness that bring them together, and so she’s mostly adopted her nerdy interests through him, whether directly a thing he likes, or finding a whimsical variant that fits her tastes.

Obviously, unlike Jeremy, she doesn’t mind being called a loser. She does any insinuation she might be queer. This including anyone who calls her gay or a dyke.

She has too much Cis Male Trauma (unlike canon, where it comes from both cis angles) to really entertain the idea of a Traditionally Male Partner. This means she skews HEAVILY towards hard GNC guys at the very least, and generally finds herself most interested in the idea of enbies and women. she's also not super into butches tho, bc her trauma mixing with her sexuality has latched on to Strong Masc People Are A Threat.

An expansion on her interests, in canon and otherwise: animals, ASMR/sensual service work (including massages and stuff), spending hours just sorta sitting by herself and letting her imagination wander, fairy tales, and YA-and-under fantasy books.

(Here, she tries to avoid het or f/f romance... except that, this past year or two, she’s started really like m/m stuff--esp after getting REALLY into drag shows, which she could enjoy safely since girls like Chloe have gotten into them too; in canon, she’s a romance fanatic)

Now... this is one of the really darkfic element; she's fucking her step-dad.

She does this so that he doesn't walk out on her, her mom, and her little sister*. Her mom has a good-enough job as a standard office woman, but he makes enough to pay the rent on their nice townhouse and all the bills she can’t. So, after he expressed interest in Brooke and then casually mentioned he could always just leave if she wasn’t comfortable, she reluctantly entered a relationship with him

(* = her sister is currently know as her brother; he’s like 12 or 13, and started showing signs of trans/queerness which have been Heavily Discouraged. Brooke worries about him a lot)

((I didn’t use she/her pronouns bc I’m not entirely sure he would change them? This is an OC Oli created at the beginning of our interest in BMC, and we haven’t worked on him at all since, so how his characterization will be is up in the air))

Canonically, Brooke's "in love" with her daddy, which is a self-imposed delusion; if she actually addressed it, she’d says she’s well aware that’s not true, but it's so much easier to pretend when you’re cornered like that. Brooke’s life blows.

She’s a lot more honest to herself about hating him here; still, she tries to be as polite and generally-friendly as she can, doing what he says whenever he wants.

OKAY, THAT’S BROOKE. If any of that is badly described or potentially-offensive, it’s just bc I glossed over SO MUCH DETAIL, even in that amount of it!

So. Jeremy.

I don’t have to go over him much and we’re all mostly aware of how I feel about him and also I don’t have the energy to do this again--

(just... read my fics The Devil at your Door or hello yesterday or something... eyyy actually do that, my ao3 username is Sedusa, blah blah blah ANYWAY)

--but basically: He's still very nerdy, like, he’s super into film as well as video games (which is another constant for me), but after being largely ignored in elementary, he's been trailing behind Chloe at her orders since they were in 6th grade. As a result he isn't very open about... any of his interests.

In 7th grade, he came out as trans to everyone. Chloe was furious, but at the same time, intrigued; this was around the time Chloe gets her own... ah shit I gotta go into that too--

--yet another hc of mine is that Chloe gets a Squip on accident around this time at a party (there was one in a “”candy bowl””), and from there, she claws her way up the ladder. I... will not go into that much, but her Squip was crippled by the drugs and alcohol in her system, and therefore largely at her mercy. She’s used his power to manipulate certain things about herself and to sharpen her focus on popularity to the point she’s full-blown Alpha Bitch.

Man, I’ve had to go on so many tangents, I apologize.

Anyway, she drags Jeremy around as a punching bag. She constantly mocks Jeremy's transness, even though she usually calls him by his correct name and pronouns.

This has made the rest of the school follow her lead, hence why I said “boy-ish”; he’s popular, he’s technically ‘well liked’, but nobody really takes him seriously. This is compounded by Chloe’s refusal to let him dress in 'dorky' casual clothes, and, as he’s both too poor to afford designer clothes and also generally hates popular guy fashion, he has to wear the hyper femme clothing Chloe specifically tells him too/

As such, people call him a boy but largely see him as either an idiot, a slut, an attention seeker, or all of the above.

So of course, in Brooke's place, his neurodivergence is more prominent than ever; every day he slips further into this psychosis and self-infantilization haze, as his his mom leaving, his dad severely depressed, Chloe's sexual violence, and other repressed trauma (see: my fic hello yesterday on ao3) all weighing on him. This makes him INCREDIBLY regressed, like, all the time by Junior year.

And then Brooke's Squip (IE: canon Squip) falls in love with Jeremy extremely fucking hard. He pushes her to date him as a way to compromise on her queer desires, since Jeremy is technically a boy, and certainly a few other straight-ish girls have hooked up with him in the past.

WHEW. That is a fucking lot. To wrap this up, lemme go over the interpersonal relationships not already mentioned, and what directions I think it takes.

First off, Madeline has a more prominent role, as I quite like her tbh; she’s a sex worker, she has her own Squip, she’s one of Chloe’s most hated enemies, and she gravitates towards both Brooke and Jeremy. She’s also Actually French, Chloe’s just weird.

(Anyway she prolly sees through Brooke’s straight act and asks her why she’s pretending to be a good little cishet. It rattles Brooke.)

Chloe is scum. This bears repeating. She DEFINITELY rapes Brooke at the Halloween party, and becomes obsessed with her, along with already being obsessed with Jeremy and Jake.

Jake, by the way, has a lot of regressive behavior and impulsiveness bc he’s been in an abusive relationship off and on with Chloe for years now.

Speaking of Jake, moving on to his best bro: Rich doesn’t set himself on fire. He’s having a good time with his Squip.

But.

He IS set on fire at the Halloween party.

Instead of the Smartphone Hour being about Rich's instability, it's actually about the mystery of Someone Did It To Him But No One Saw Who It Was, They Were Disguised.

The answer relates to the fact that Rich and Brooke are ALSO hooking up, after she’s already with Jeremy, bc he Properly introduces her to him and the three of them hit it off really well.

(She initially wasn’t interested, but while Rich is loud and still kinda abrasive, his Squip doesn’t drive him to act like a bully--and in private, his nerdiness is really obvious and he’s extremely gentle with her and Jeremy. Add to that that he’s bi and trans*, when Brooke connects best w/ queer men over cishet one, and it off-sets his masc-ness enough to make him an Exception.

* = I always imagine him as trans. See: all of Vanceypants fics.)

Sooo... the culprit is actually Brooke's daddy, who sees her with this obvious heartthrob and Cannot let that be.

Chloe convinces Michael that the Squips are Very Very Bad and has him team up with her to force Brooke into drinking Red, with the intention to convince him to kill himself after to get him out of the way, bc she’s really going nuts at this point.

Eventually, he snaps out of it when he and Christine get together (he’s thought he was Full Homo all of his life, but Christine’s prolly genderqueer-ness makes him realize “oh shit, I’m bisexual”) and she starts to question why he’s acting the way he is towards Christine.

He also definitely has a crush on Jeremy and during his time with Chloe he kinda tried to flirt a little but couldn’t really... he’s not up for dating someone as sexually active and a push-over as Jeremy is in this.

However, when he snaps out of Chloe’s manipulation, he and Christine approach Mr. Heere to convince him to straighten up and help Jeremy and also bc they really need an adult to successfully fight Chloe.

This requires a month+ of Christine getting him to see her psychiatrist (the one who prescribes her ADHD meds). Jeremy spends the majority of his time staying with Chloe, and very rarely comes home to gather things or to make sure his dad is eating/still alive, as much as he can remember to in his own haze of mental illness. Anyway, point is, he doesn’t know Christine and Michael are there often... not that, in the course of growing close to Mr. H, they both fall for him hard and it becomes one of my stranger OT3s.

(God, Jeremy goes through a lot of shit in this, tho.)

Pre-Squip, Jenna was kinda-sorta Brooke’s friend--or, well, friendly. However, she’s actually full blown “oh my God she’s wonderful” in love with Brooke.

Brooke isn't aware of that, esp since Jenna tries her not to be around her a lot. She's also trying to hide her own queerness, bc she’s a trans woman and she knows Chloe finding that out would be extremely dangerous.

Eventually, Chloe succeeds in making Brooke take the Red months after canon usually ends, w/o Michael’s help. If you’re curious, Red doesn’t affect her normal Squip bc she’s had him too long and a lot of his receptors and stuff are damaged, so it’s the second one she gets in canon that turns off.

This plan backfires, however, as Brooke’s Squip comes back with a physical body w/ help from Rich and also-bodied-now Moses.

With a body, and shenanigans, Mo and Squip take out Brooke’s daddy too. His life insurance more than makes up for the loss of his income, as it’s a sizable amount. Now that Brooke feels more empowered and strong, she overrides her mother’s neglectfulness and takes control of the household w/ her boyfriends*, comes out as queer, helps her sister transition, and begin to heal from all of this trauma.

(* = Rich and Mo move in, as does Jeremy eventually, after graduation; Jeremy gets a psychiatrist and a therapist and prolly has to go through some intense outpatient care and possibly a stay in the hospital, before finally making major breakthroughs and looking like himself again. The five of them are now happy and in love.)

Chloe, after her arm gets twisted by the Squip’s protective presence so thoroughly, gives up on Jeremy and Brooke to focus on Jake. This too gets abandoned when Rich and Mo help him cut her off, and so she stays in her own popularity bubble, bitter, until graduating and going to a community college in a different state.

All in all, things work out well in the end, but getting there is a long, difficult process. This AU fascinates me immensely and feels like a great way to examine some of my really dark headcanons about MB, as I think it’s a town similar to Derry in Stephen King’s IT--as in, just chronically The Worst Place Ever, with this, like, miasma of low-key despair around it. People adjust and don’t question it, which is why so much of BMC is this flippant dark humor in the face of some highly questionable shit.

I’m so sorry this post is so long (I’ll be uploading it to AU under my usual Sedusa account, as metas like this are more than allowed), but I really adore these characters and the way they can be twisted around, so I had a lot to say!

Thank you for reading <3

-mod Seb

image description: virtual-like stairs pointed forward and bathed in neon yellow and blue to represent Brook and Jeremy, which I’ve modified from the original blue-only design.

source: x (link description: a free Wallpaper Flare image that I found off Google Image’s “filtered by ‘labeled and reuse with modification” feature)

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

Text

Superior is INDEFENCIBLE Part 2: Odds and Ends

Part 1

As a little follow up to this post I want to wrap up some defences I have encountered for both Superior #2 and the Superior storyline in general.

To start with we have more hypocrisy from the man I once admired as he tried to defend his position on Superior.

He was challenged on his primary argument that Peter and MJ’s separation justified her obliviousness now that they are back together; for further details see the above linked post.

In response to this challenge he said:

“I think there is more to my argument then "They've lived apart for a year" and her relationship with him during that time doesn't have to hold relevance to their relationship after being apart.”

Like…this guy was for fucking real.

OF COURSE their relationship back then is going to hold relevance to their relationship after being apart.

Obviously with the benefit of hindsight Nick Spencer’s run proves this to be the case. And you can refer back to my prior post where I dive deeper into the topic.

However, in that post I was talking about the specific nuances of Peter and MJ’s relationship.

What’s mind boggling is that in the above quote he’s making an even bigger reach. Jesus Christ OF COURSE their past relationship is going to hold relevance for their then-current one.

That’s how relationships work!

FFS, romantic or otherwise everyone’s relationship with everyon else is shaped by the past. This is like arguing Peter hating Norman for killing Gwen Stacy doesn’t have to be relevant to their relationship after his return to the Clone Saga.

I mean shit dude, Peter’s high school romance with Betty Brant was relevant to their romance after he graduated college!

This is how all types of relationships work. You don’t just jump in after awhile, start fresh and then nothing from the past has any bearing on the present. Even in the most positive of scenarios the fact that you are getting together again would still be shaped by the fact that you liked each other in the first place.

And for the life experiences those two shared that’d go a thousand fold.

Now let’s move on to some over miscellaneous comments sent to me a looooooooooooong time ago.

I’ve had this stuff in my drafts for years!

For the sake of catharsis I’ve decided to clear it out. It revolves around Superior Spider-Man and the comments I’m responding to were made before the original volume ended in 2014.

“Rob Wrecks wrote:Why would Aunt May even react to it? She doesn't even know the identity of Spidey now.”

In Civil War she was able to tell that the Chameleon, a MASTER of disguise who was being more subtle than Otto was, was not her nephew.

Whilst she might not know he is Spider-Man she knows her nephew so she should react and become questionable regarding his change in demeanor and behavior. What’s the old saying ‘A mother always knows’.

“As for MJ, they aren't even married anymore either. Sure she remembers who is under the mask. But I doubt she's gonna bring trouble on herself for prying.”

I address a lot of this in this post.

Basically, not being married anymore has nothing to do with it. This woman lived with this man for years (five to be precise) and had a very close relationship with him which involved countless tragedies and traumas. That doesn’t just go away. This is to say nothing of the fact that she has known this man for about 10 years and has been his friend and girlfriend during that time. In fact in Stern’s run when she knew who he was but didn’t let him know, she was depicted as knowing him better than anyone and was able to read him as a book. This was back when they weren’t as close as they are now, hadn’t known each other for as long and she didn’t know him as intimately as she would later come to down the road. In ASM #290 Peter himself says MJ knows him as well as he knows himself and this was before the marriage.

Even in Slott’s run this depiction of Mary Jane knowing Peter better than anyone else was highlighted in various stories like Spider Island, a time travel arc, Alpha, and a Lizard arc at HORIZON labs.

In JMS’ run Peter and Mary Jane were shown to be somewhat in synch even though they were separated at the time and had been for a long while going back. This was showcased in ASM V2 #50 and they had been effectively separated with minimal interaction as far back as ASM V2 #13; arguably even issue #1.

And yet she understood him and knew him very well, falling back into synch with him when they reconciled. Yes there was some awkwardness and them getting to know each other again but it was not on the same level of Otto guzzling champagne, creating spider bots, talking in a manner which was unlike the way he’s ever spoken before and MJ just wondering passingly then dismissing it. This woman has lived through the Chamelon, robot parents and clones and lives in a world where friggin Skrulls have invaded.

This out of character behaviour should send off alarm bells. She DOES clock something is off in Superior #10 but only when he says a phrase she’s never heard him say before. He was doing shit MUCH more out of character before then and she was dismissing it.

Later she was STILL dismissing the notion that Peter wasn’t himself as merely crazy on her part.

Again this woman knows Peter can be/has been cloned repeatedly. This woman even for awhile believed Peter himself was a clone so she knows even memories can be replicated. But Peter is acting so obviously NOT himself that it’s practically SCREAMING at her that she should get this. In fact Peter’s ghost point this out which is Slott lampshading the situation. That doens’t make it good writing that’s just pointing out how bad your story is.

“Hasn't she (I'm guessing he's referring to Aunt May?) been focused lately on her new marriage though? I don't read enough of Spidey these days so I'm only going with bits and pieces I've read about here and there.”

What does being married recently or focusing upon it have to do with anything?

In Civil War she was focused upon not dying because Peter’s ID reveal had upended her life.

If you are someone’s MOTHER and have raised them all their life you will absolutely be able to tell when something is wrong, when they are in fact not the real deal.

“As for MJ, who would she go too? Not like anyone would likely believe her unless she had a telepath scan her mind.”

Who would she go to? I dunno maybe the fucking Avengers or Fantastic Four who are Peter’s friends and team mates. Or maybe not go that far why not go to Black Cat, Human Torch or Daredevil . These are all people whom she knows (at least vaguely in regards to Daredevil) personally and have access to technology that can prove things one way or another.

Even if you argue that it’s not fair bringing in the wider Marvel Universe, Black Cat, Carlie, HORIZON labs, the Bugle staff and Scarlet Spider are all Spider-Man franchise characters.

“Now there could be a possibility she's making a list of his behavior and the like and is just waiting for the right time to say something when she knows she's less likely to die from it.

Maybe Slott's just got something going that'll eventually be revealed? Who knows.”

Oh boy, that didn’t stand the test of time did it?

This is just shitty analysis on principle. It hinges upon blind faith and writing stuff in your head about what characters are doing behind the scenes.

There was NEVER an indication MJ was doing anything like that and her actions actually contradicted event he idea of her doing any of that stuff.

The net responses are to the statement that Doc Ock was a gentleman who would treat women with respect.

“Keyword there, 'was' a gentlemen. I can imagine after years of defeats at the hands of Spidey, certain habits would change and he wouldn't care anymore.

It could have just been a subtle change that no one really noticed. He did try and end the world before #700 if I recall right.”

You need to SHOW those habits changing. The last major Doctor Octopus story before BND was in JMS’s run when he was very much a gentleman. You can’t just say his illness and defeats suddenly transformed him into a would be rapist. It’s utterly out of character for him. It’d be like bringing back Ben Reilly and making him a mass murderer. WHY is he a mass murderer.

(Fun fact. The stuff I bolded about Ben Reilly was something I wrote at the time. I kept it in because of how sadly ironic it wound up being…fuck Clone Conspiracy seriously)

Ending the world before #700 is one thing IN Doc Ock’s character. He is egotistical and wants acknowledgement of his genius.

Superior depicted him going against a character trait he’s always had. In his origin story, when he was ‘courting’ Aunt May, when he was involved with Stunner and Lady Octopus and the like he has always been show to have a respect for women and not had to resort to cheap ploys to woo them.

In Superior he was trading off of MJ’s relationship with Peter and Peter’s memories to basically abuse this woman. That is beneath Doctor Octopus. He is an intellectual a man for whom such actions are debase, the realm of the common thug whilst he is much more he is DOCTOR OCTOPUS.

BTW in Web of Death it was established that Doc Ock probably would not target MJ or Peter’s family even though he knew Peter’s identity.

So for him to suddenly switch to ‘I’m gonna fuck his girlfriend to get one over on him” is again utterly out of character.

‘Web of Death’ was co-written by Tom DeFalco btw, who established Otto’s origin. Thus the argument is flying in the face of someone who helped define the character with no explanation at all.

Slott had done this with other characters like Ashley Kafka.Suddenly the most naively compassionate woman in the world who believed she could redeem CARNAGE is saying this lesser serial killer is a complete monster. That is piss poor writing.

Even if Slott WERE to establish and show how Ock went from one extreme to the other it doesn’t make it a good idea. Doc Ock would be rapist is a lot less interesting than Doc Ock the lone super villain who is part gentleman and part humanitarian with a respect for women. If this was Norman Osborn in Peter’s body, or Electro, or Shocker I’d believe these actions.

The topic then changed to Carlie Cooper’s depiction in Superior as a goddam idiot who isn’t even telling MJ Peter might be evil. “Red Hood wrote: Carlie and Wraith followed Ock’s paper trail because she knows for fact that peter parker doesnt have the money to fund his own private army, the reason she hasnt said anything is because it's not such a good idea to go pointing fingers without absolute truth, remember eddie brock and how he was so sure about the sin eater?”

Carlie’s investigation was going incredibly sloooooooooooooooooowly. Not only was it dull reading, but it made her completely unsympathetic. Why not warn Mary Jane by saying “Look before he died Doc Ock told me he and Spider-Man had swapped bodies. I’m not saying Peter IS Doc Ock but just....be careful MJ”.

Or why not inform the Avengers or Fantastic Four about this. Sure the Avengers gave him a physical but they wouldn’t know what to look for. And why is Carlie Cooper all of a sudden saying “Wait I KNOW Peter doesn’t have this kind of cash so this is a big clue that he isn’t himself.” When her first big clue should have been that time Spider-Man SHOT SOMEONE IN THE FACE!

“also peter and mj arent married anymore.”

See above.

You don’t just suddenly fall out of knowing someone if you’ve been THAT close to them and known them for that long just because suddenly you are not married anymore. She has deduced subtle differences in the Chameleon and clones before this but Ock is NOT being subtle whatsoever. He isn’t even talking the same way he normally does. And Mister Red Hood even says so himself, Carlie can tell right way. His co-workers whom he’s known for LESS THAN A YEAR can tell something is up. But the woman who’s been closer to him than ANYONE in his life, she can’t tell. That is bullshit of the highest order.

“1. mj and peter arent married anymore, idk if they were married in identity crisis but remember how after the deal with mephisto they were separated for x amount of years before she even came back to new york, i can see her not being able to tell peter is acting different at that point. aunt may and the avengers though don't get a pass especially when carlie who knew him the least could tell right away.”

See above.

When you separate from someone you’ve been that close to those feelings don’t just disappear. This is especially true of people who’ve been through immensely traumatic events together. Soldiers often find that only fellow soldiers, specifically ones who were with them in combat, can truly understand what they went through and how they felt. It creates an emotional/mental bond. Same thing here. Peter and Mary Jane went through Venom, Kraven’s Last Hunt, the death of Harry, Gwen, aunt May, Ben Reilly, the clone saga as a whole, Civil War, Peter’s OWN death, Maximum Carnage and so on. They’d have that kind of connection I was speaking about, you don’t just forget it to the point where you let MASSIVE differences in behaviour slide, especially massive differences in behaviour which are different to the way he was acting LAST WEEK!

“3. Also i don't think his [Doc Ock’s] actions are entirely out of character, i mean he was dead, then revived, beat down for several years into a dying body. given time to think about all the things you would do if given another chance i dont think its out of the question for doc to say "great, second chance at life with a movie starhottie gf". also if you'll threaten the city, then the world, then mind swap with someone i dont think having sex is that big a stretch.”

See my comments above why this IS out of character for Doc Ock. Again this isn’t just him wanting to get laid this is him potentially date raping an innocent woman. You need to SHOW the progression of that change

And rape in comic book fiction is understood to be worse from the reader’s POV than the various Saturday Morning Cartoon style crimes he’s pulled.

The next comment was in response to the public’s indifference towards Spider-Man shooting Massacre in the face! “7. As far as no one caring about massacre, didn't he break out a few times and inflict his namesake? no one is going to care that a killer like that gets shot, humans aren't dignified at all. i can see aunt may saying something but no one else is going to be like "oh great that killer is back in jail, too bad all criminals break out" no they're going to be like "finally someone put down this thug, maybe my life or someone i care about will be spared from him at least in the future" and maybe it was caught on security cameras or phones but maybe they deleted it, i mean spider-man just shot a dude in the face and if he wanted there would be nothing anyone could do to stop him from putting the hurt on someone else”

This is just rubbish.

No one is going to care? For God’s sake the police in real life get reprimanded for using unnecessary force.

The law is the law you CANNOT publically execute an unarmed man. And my point was no one, not even Mary Jane or Jonah, were reacting to this mind-blowingly out of character action on the part of Spider-Man. Maybe they do not care that Massacre was killed but they should be wondering “Jesus that’s not like Spider-Man at all”. This was Spider-Man becoming absolutely EVERYTHING Jameson ever falsely accused him of and no one reacted. And I am sorry but the attitude of ‘human’s aren’t dignified so they’d react like THIS” is extremely broad and generalised. This would be a major talking point and a major issue. This is EXACTLY what the entire ‘Civil War’ debacle was about. Super heroes running unchecked doing as they pleased. It’s been what, a year tops Marvel time since Civil War? If that stuff was deleted YOU NEED TO SHOW IT. The cover story is that EVERYONE in that massive crowd covered for him. That is in no way shape or form how humans actually act. And who would there be to stop like a teenager or a kid or a lone person in the crowd from tweeting “OMG Spider-Man just shot this dude” or uploading a video or picture. They were CHEERING him on they wouldn’t be afraid of him being reprimanded. Once something like that hit the internet it’d spread like wildfire, it wouldn’t be something that if immediately taken down would die away, especially when THE NEWS was stating Spider-Man had ‘neutralised Massacre’ and then Massacre shows up dead, WTF would the public THINK happened?

“Aaron Alexander Luthor wrote: Superior is an excellent title, but I feel you approached it having already made up your mind. Doc Ock NEVER attempted date rape, and I don't know where you get that from”

Boy, I wonder where I got the idea of Otto trying to rape MJ from? What an obviously ‘excellent’ title.

Trying to sleep with Mary Jane whilst tricking her into thinking he is Peter Parker then that is categorically trying to date rape her. He didn’t go through with it because he discovered he could just wank off to her memories (I can’t believe I wrote that) but that is exactly what he was trying to do. Maybe to HIM he didn’t think of it as rape but yeah that’s exactly what it was.

“He ripped off his own shirt, not hers.”

I honestly have no idea what he’s talking about here btw.

“Mary Jane had/has mentioned several times that there is something wrong with him and that she thinks there is something strange going on, he also hasn't spoken to her in weeks in the time frame of the comic.”

Yes MJ has noticed passingly things are wrong but then he feeds her a line and she buys it or otherwise she dismisses it herself. This in monumentally out of character for her given her history and makes her incredibly stupid, which is the ONLY way this title could have worked out. Again, she lives in a world of Skrulls, clones, LMDs and shape shifters one of which is literally an enemy of Peter’s and has tried impersonating him multiple times (targeting her specifically twice). But she either doesn’t clock anything is wrong or doesn’t really react when she does. And he HAD spoken to her within weeks by the time or Superior #2.

“Same goes for Aunt May, he visited her the first few weeks as Parker, and hasnt spoken to her since. He is basically ignoring the people in Peter's life, and they have taken notice.”

See my response about Aunt May not knowing. Again, this woman RAISED him and she could tell when the master of disguise who was being a lot more subtle about impersonating Peter was not her son/nephew.

Also he wasn’t exactly ignoring the HORIZON labs staff was he?

“When he killed Massacre, some of the civilians were shocked and appalled, but when the police investigated all the officers on the scene lied for Spidey, because they think he did the right thing. That is why the only officers still interested are Carlie Cooper who does know, and is ACTIVELY trying to prove it isnt Peter, and Captain Watanabe aka The Wraith”

My point about NO ONE taking photos, tweeting, facebooking or whatever still stands as does the security cameras thing and the fact that Massacre was TRYING TO GET PUBLICITY. Again with Carlie why is she not warning SOMEBODY at this point. It isn’t like they wouldn’t believe her after Massacre. It isn’t like Spider-Man isn’t acting weird. It isn’t like body swapping is a legit THING in the Marvel universe. For God’s sake this happened to Captain America!

Kaine, the CLONE of Peter Parker with identical memories and everything. In the Sibling Rivaly crossover between Scarlet Spider and Superior Team-Up even HE couldn’t tell that Peter. Was an imposter This guy doesn’t just know Peter well, he IS Peter. And Otto was ranting none too subtley about how Kaine has bad blood with HIM. He doesn’t say he’s Doc Ock but he’s conveying unsubtly to Kaine that he is not Peter Parker and he is not TALKING like Peter Parker either. When his CLONE is still operating under the delusion that he is Peter Parker that’s put it beyond doubt this was ridiculously contrived.

“BTW, Carlie and MJ have talked about the suspicious way Pete has been acting, Carlie just hasnt told MJ directly.”

WHY didn’t Carlie tell MJ! And WHY were she and Peter noticing Peter’s different actions yet being totally blasé about them.

FFS in ‘Kraven’s Last Hunt’ MJ and Peter had been married for just 2 weeks and in that time she was able to deduce from his actions that the guy in the Spider-Man suit was NOT Peter. In the Mark of Kaine an identical clone of Peter approaches her and she is ultimately able to tell (twice) that he is not her husband. And she did this whilst pregnant and stressed out from a life or death situation to say nothing of the fact that Aunt May had recently died which would be weighing on her mind. Yet in Superior her mind was clearer and she was still buying this was Peter. This is enormously bad out of character writing for her

“As for the Avengers scans, it wasnt that no one could read them, its that they all came back NORMAL.”

No, the scans DID NOT come back normal at all. Doc Ock looked at the scans and could TELL something was not normal because he saw ghost Peter was in his mind. Yeah there was a tiny inconsistency in the brain waves but why the heck weren’t there people on the Avengers team that day to take note of stuff like that. Cap, Wolverine, Black Widow and Thor are obviously NOT going to be able to properly read this scientific equipment like Iron Man or Hank Pym or the Beast. ANY of those guys would’ve been able to tell but no only the Avengers who categorically would not be able to properly read the brainwaves were there. Why? Why get the unscientific Avengers? Because of plot contrivances is why.

And where were the telepaths? One telepathic scan from SOMEBODY should have told all. And again these tests come back normal....no one thought he could be a clone? Spider-Man has joked to these people about his clones, they know about them. Correct me if I am wrong but at the time of the Avenger’s physical of Peter wasn’t there a character involved with the Avengers who was supposed to be the living universe? SHE couldn’t tell Doc Ock is Spider-Man? The universe literally didn’t know this?

“Even Dr. Strange and Wolverines tests all came back regular.”

If Dr. Strange with all his power wasn’t able to deduce the truth that’s even MORE contrived!

And what the heck were Wolverine’s test? That he smelt the same? Of course he would.

“There was a tiny inconsistency in the brainwaves, it wasnt that no one could read it, its that it was so small that no one would even take notice of it, except for Peter or Ock if they were to look for it.”

See above for why this is bullshit.

“And the Avengers are STILL very suspicious, if you read the current titles.”

At the time a ‘current title’ was Superior Team Up #1.

In it the Avengers told him they were wrong to put him in probation and are still just ‘suspicious’ when he INVADED SHADOWLAND WITH AN ARMY!. Because THAT’S so usual for Spider-Man right?

“You're entitled to your opinion, but you cant just make up facts and call it a discussion. I get the impression that you a)Havent read the whole series; b) Had already made up your mind before reading the issues you have read; and c) Havent read the companion stories (i.e. Avenging Spider-Man, Superior Team-up, Hickman's Avengers titles). If you look at the story as a whole, its actually quite good.”

Said the guy who got all the above information I outlined WRONG.

From a technical point of view it doesn’t make sense, it uses contrivances and out of character writing to keep it going. You want to write Doc Ock as Spider-Man. Okay then don’t surround him with people who should be able to figure this out. Or say there is some kind of device redirecting their attention.

Don’t have Doc Ock not act like Doc Ock because that defeats the point of the exercise. Don’t go for deliberate sensationalism or crass storytelling which was essentially everything revolving around him hooking up with Mary Jane and then the oh so lovely page of the Superior Spider-Wanker.

That issue in particular even resolved itself in a contrived manner. Doc Ock begins uttering gibberish which recalled One Moment in Time about “we cannot be together because it’s an unsolvable equation blah blah blah”.

Basically he is saying “I can never be with you because of the danger I put you in”; which is Slott using the character as a mouthpiece.

In the next issue Otto began courting a student at his college because consistency rocks. Even Ghost Peter is out of character at this moment “WOW Ock you did the one thing I could never do and walked away from Mary Jane”. Peter is right he probably can’t walk away from Mary Jane but...does he WANT to? Where the heck is this coming from? What is worse is that it’s so unnecessary. There was a MUCH better explanation for Ock breaking up with MJ. If Ock were in character he could just come to the conclusion that sleeping with MJ under these circumstances would be wrong and beneath him hence he wouldn’t go through with it. If Ock was out of character as he was in their issue but still vaguely in character he could just come to the conclusions that since accessing Peter’s memories he’s begun to have genuine feelings for MJ and doesn’t just want to fuck her, it would involve him having a relationship with here which at this point in time he is incapable of, he doesn’t know how to handle it. I will wholeheartedly admit I was not jazzed about the concept of Superior from the outset. If nothing else I want to read about Peter Parker not Doc Ock and if I did want to read about Doc Ock AS Doc Ock, not as Spider-Man and not as an rotting body.

An arc in a comic is one thing doing this long term all the problems I foresaw have come up as well as some I didn’t even predict. This could have worked if Doc Ock was separated from Peter’s supporting cast who should be able to tell something is amiss but then that defeats a lot of the point of the story. It was a lose-lose situation.

People can enjoy garbage if you want but don’t call it gold.

Part 1

#The Superior Spider-Man #Superior Spider-Man #Dan Slott #otto octavius #Doc ock #Doctor Octopus #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Aunt May #May Parker #Mary Jane Watson Parker #MJ Watson #Peter Parker #Spider-man #Civil War 2006

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thebiasrekkers · 4 years

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Shouldn’t Be- KNJ [Part 2]

For the @btswriterscorner - Amor Fabula Launch Project in celebration of the month of Valentine’s Day!

Plot: Kim Namjoon is a Doctor whose most challenging client ends up teaching him about how love could heal.

Rating: PG-13 // SFW

Genre: dystopian!au/dystopian themes | angst | romance/fluff

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female OC (Madeline)

Warnings: Strong language, mentions of conversion, violence

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin L’s AO3 || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 1,985

AN: This certainly was a challenge to build a world like this. It was a bit different than what I like to write (supernatural and fantasy) but I feel satisfied with it. I hope you guys like it as well! Comments, reviews and all around messages are always welcome!

© thebiasrekkers (Admin L). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

Freckles.

That was the main thing that he noticed when he bent down to examine the woman that had stumbled there that night. Namjoon had been working late into the night because he was on the verge of something that would be able to help provide a greater success rate for others. However, in that process--he’d pretty much ignored his social life and his new Match of 6 months. The man had shut himself away just to do it, much to her agitation.

Now because of that, he was now staring at another woman who had been hurt. All week, he’d been seeing reports of the Rebel activity in the area but never thought that there would be some sort of demonstration or attack so close to him. It was something that he really hadn’t seen in person either, only by education and reports. That was the extent of his knowledge of violence and to see the results of it before him? It rattled him, to be honest. Human life was very precious to begin with, not even suicide was allowed in their lives because that one person could help produce more people. That was the very reason he worked so hard to help the population live, to expand and to rid themselves of their faults that had been passed down from generations ago.

She trembled in his arms, after weakly beating at the door to get his attention. Her face was slowly losing its color and Namjoon’s mind went into overdrive. Each of them had the training to treat people but his specialty was in the genetics and reproduction area. Still, he was woefully under prepared to treat trauma like that where he was.

“Miss? Miss? I need you to stay awake--focus on my voice.”

She murmured something that he couldn’t make out but he could tell that she was trying. Namjoon figured that she might have been caught in the crossfire with the authorities and the Rebels. He bent down and scooped her up, the need to get her to a better spot to be treated was becoming more apparent as he shook himself out of the daze he was in. Silently, he thanked Felicity for the fact that she wanted him to look better--of all things.

“Miss? What is your name? ID number?! I need those for the ambulance.”

She started to claw at him but he held her close, worried that she would make her injuries worse. Finally, he was able to get to one of the rooms where he could properly take a look at her--noting the clothes that she had on as they looked like she had been cut with something. Shrapnel? Knives? Just as he was about to inject her with some painkillers, she grabbed at his arm and pleaded with him before he was able to administer it. Her voice was shaky but her grip was firm as her eyes told of an emotion that he hadn’t felt in such a long time.

“No please. No doctors, I’m so scared. Please don’t let them get me…”

“But I am a doctor, Miss and you need more treatment than what I can offer here!”

Tears started to leak out of her eyes and it took everything in him not to become like that himself. What was wrong with him? He’d dealt with a great many things but the pressure that was beginning to grip his chest? It concerned him just as much as her refusal for treatment did but that’s what he chalked it up to. No doctor would be lenient with a life in their hands those days. He had to do something to get her to relax enough for him to do something until the ambulance got there.

He lowered the needle and grasped her hands, the ones around his forearm. Sighing again, he worried about the consequences of what he was about to do. He needed to help her but then again, what if she was a Rebel? Mentally shaking his head, Namjoon decided to take that out of the equation because he had a responsibility to help her--to help save a life.

“Miss, I at least need to know your name and blood type if you need a transfusion….”

“Madeline.."

He nodded and against his better judgement, he started to treat her as best as he could without having to call anyone else out there. He could tell that she was determined to not have anything done to her unless he didn’t call anyone. The wounds, after cleaning and inspecting them, would have been bad had she not had any treatment at all. However, working with what he was just going to be good enough. He frowned as he worked, sewing up the places and gluing some together. She finally settled into a state where the drugs were kicking in and he was able to inspect her more closely.

It was the freckles that caught his attention more, almost like he was connecting the dots on her skin. They reminded him of a constellation map of the sky--just like the ones he used to look at when he was younger. They reminded him of a time long ago when he wanted to fly in the sky and see what was really out there. His boyish imagination was quickly shut down with the System’s rating of him, placing him in the Medical Field. He had to tear his eyes from them as he resisted the urge to map them out.

He reached over to tie her hair up and realized that her hair seemed to be one of the softest things he’d ever touched. It took everything that he had not to marvel in it, to run his fingers over the locks and spread them out to inspect them. His heart hammered in his chest as he got a better look, trying to see if there were any more wounds that he needed to attend to. His throat hurt from swallowing so harshly throughout the process but after stopping the bleeding, he could finally breathe just a bit easier--just like her.

Her breath started to even out a bit more from the frantic panting, slowly starting to breathe deeper and easier. He had to thank whomever was up there that she was able to make it to someone that could treat her--even if it was a little bit.

She wearily opened her eyes, the sparkle that had dimmed a bit but still was twinkling strong. He needed to get her some place safe, an area to rest until her injuries had healed. Her gaze stirred those strange feelings inside of him again, the ones that he’d been taught were dangerous and caused the literal Hell on Earth that they were experiencing now. The very reason why they had to live in colonies due to the wars and annihilation that their ancestors had caused.

Looking at her, he had to wonder about why those were banned. Why they all were taught something different since basically birth and placed in the areas that they were currently in. He didn’t even look at Felicity that way and she was his wife. What was it about that connection that drew him in so? Namjoon had to figure it out, his curiosity starting to over take him.

“Where else does it hurt?”

She sighed and struggled to speak due to the drugs in her system. He realized that it would soon be a trial to even keep her conscious so he shook his head, a little grin on his face appearing. He was being so stupid for asking, he realized. He reached up and placed a hand on her head, smoothing back some of the sweaty hair that had placed itself there. He then knew where he could take her to recover where he could easily keep an eye on her. But first, he had to get her there safe and sound.

He was truly lucky that he and Felicity hadn’t moved in together yet, despite her insistence. Leaning over her again, he double checked what he had done and when he was satisfied--that was when he presented the idea to her. It was a bit silly to do so since she was slipping into delirium but the doctor would feel odd should he not tell her what he was doing. After all, they were going to be seeing each other quite often once he got her set up.

It was damn near a miracle that he got Madeline to his home without anyone noticing what had happened. He even made it a point to let his co-workers know that he would be taking the next few weeks off due to personal issues. The authorities had descended on the lab and even made it a point to question everyone that worked there, himself included. Being the honest soul that he was, Namjoon told them everything that he could--only omitting the fact that he treated and kept a person in his own home.

But now that the fervor had died down, he could concentrate more on his new patient. Madeline had been asleep for nearly 48 hours and that was starting to bother him. After the questioning, Namjoon had checked up on her in the spare room. Her light breathing calmed him down after bending over to check her pulse. His fingers found her wrist and he closed his eyes to help him focus on counting the beats. They were a lot stronger than they were before, when he had stitched her up and it gave him a little more hope about her recovery.

It would still be a long one but that was why he decided to take that time off. Namjoon really couldn’t let her leave with all of that and as strange as it was for him, he needed to have her around to figure out what it was about their connection that drew him in so. Was it also a genetic thing, to want to touch and to feel the warmth radiating off the other? Was it something ingrained in them so deeply that they couldn’t engineer it out of themselves?

“So, you like holding hands--don’t you?”

He snapped out of his thoughts to her voice, something that brought him back to the reality of the situation before him. He felt a bit silly for reacting that way but when she spoke finally, it was the timbre of it that nearly made him crawl in there with her to sleep. And he always had trouble sleeping too.

“I--uh was checking your pulse. You’ve been out for nearly 48 hours but you’re safe!” He hastily added, the confidence ebbing away the longer he talked to her. “I took you back to my place so that way you could rest.”

She gave him a grateful smile and sighed, almost trying to turn over in the bed but he stopped her. Even the huff that escaped her lips made the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile. He shook his head at her and reminded her that she still had fresh stitches so she had to stay still. The unspoken communication between them was almost like they were yelling at each other, her eyes on something or if she sighed a certain way--he knew what she needed. He knew every time she was in pain because of the stitches or when she pulled some out by accident when she had a nightmare.

Namjoon knew and she knew that his quiet soul yearned for something more. It practically was screaming out for someone to notice and there she was, quite literally falling into his lap. They started to have a little bit of peace while she healed--and that was something she didn’t ever think she would get again. But he made it possible as she healed, as they both healed.

#btswriterscorner #btswriterscollective #hyunglinenetwork #btsbookclub #bts-amor fabula #kwordsmiths #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts #kim namjoon #bts dystopian au

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ghostie-hoe · 5 years

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PLL THE PERFECTIONISTS 1x02 SEX LIES & ALIBI’S RECAP & THOUGHTS

We open with the University students gathering at the scene of the crime. The police cover Nolan’s body and Ava is seen to be mid meltdown, distraught over Nolan’s death. Ava points an accusing finger at Caitlin telling her that it’s exactly how she imagined it. Yes, it did happen exactly as Caitlin had imagined (I’m not ruling her out yet, though I think if it was her, she’d choose another option to avoid incriminating herself.)

The depressed Ava montage broke my heart. She’s lost her parents, one on the run from the law and other chose to leave. She obviously took comfort in Nolan and now that’s gone she feels alone. Dylan has a guilty conscious having night terrors about Nolan. ‘Save it to Nolan to haunt us in both life and death.’ Andrew doesn’t seem to be in the loop, if Dylan trusted him he would tell him that Nolan’s been blackmailing him. He could come clean about the kids or not. Either way, he doesn’t fully trust Andrew.

Jeremy is so suspicious. He seems like a very strong character. What I took from this scene when Jeremy said “it’s okay if you are relieved Nolan is dead. You can admit that to me.” It seemed to have an underlining of “Babe, I get you because I killed him for you.” It’s all in the dialogue “I don’t feel bad that you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”

I knew Nolan wanted to meet Alison. I called it either being Ali or Mona, my second victory and it’s only been two episodes. So Nolan sends Alison a message asking her to meet him on the roof before he was killed. Backtracking to what we were shown from the rooftop, Nolan seemed to have met the person he messaged. So, maybe it wasn’t Alison but Ali pointed out how Taylor could be her doppelgänger.. I’m just saying, it really could’ve been Taylor in an Alison mask.

And nobody would suspect the dead girl..

Dylan and Caitlin talking about how they all don’t really know each other. That’s important. Someone on here made a connection between the books and said that there was a character with a split personality called Parker and Caitlin’s name is Parker - Lewis. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if Caitlin did it as Parker, drugged Dylan as her accomplice and they both killed him. Their conversation just seems a little sketchy. The whole “We have to make it look like we are sad and not relieved because I dated him and you were his friend.”

Mona is obviously leading towards a mental breakdown. She seems to be in manic mode completely unaware of Alison talking to her as she attempts to follow her little system. I zoomed in on her wall and next to all the equations, I saw the framed picture which seemed to represent a split personality, but it also looked half Male, half female. Could this represent Nolan and Taylor?

Mona’s extremely offended by Alison asking her if she was on the roof the night of Nolan’s death. Mona did so much to redeem herself to the girls. She honestly really tried so I understand her offence. Alison shows Mona the text and Mona tells her that it looks like she killed him.

Oh Ava, please stop drinking. It doesn’t help with anything. Yes you want to numb the feelings, but alcohol is a depressant. Take it from a recovered alcoholic, it’s always best to seek help from a trauma therapist or grievance counsellor. The song is so fitting though. Marlene is great at choosing songs I have to give her that.

“Does anyone know you were doing Nolan’s work for him?” “You heard the news?” “Yeah he was murdered.” I don’t know I’m just so suspicious of Andrew at this point. Everyone talks about this so casually.

I like how Caitlin is open with Jeremy about her hate for Nolan and goes as far as sharing the paper that she wrote about murder being justified and about Nolan. She goes on to say that Alison intuitive and knew that the paper was inspired by Nolan. Jeremy tells Caitlin that she didn’t do anything so why is she upset. How does Jeremy 100% know that? Maybe because he killed Nolan. So Caitlin and Jeremy have a song. How do they say that a song with lyrics “in the after light, he follows me.” Relate to them enough as a couple to be labelled “our song?” At first I thought it said in the afterlife..

Mona lacks what all of us other females don’t. Alison announces that she brought food, most of us would be like THANK YOU QUEEN. But not Mona “I’m the reason Nolan is dead. He didn’t belong here. It was his personality traits. My Algerivem (The fuck you spell that) red flagged him.” “Because he was dangerous?” “No, flagged is someone who could push another student to the point of snapping. So by looking the other way and not telling Miss Hotchkiss, I created a killer.” “So you’re using your code to figure out who snapped.”

So, Mona seems to find some kind of comfort in her old ways. Solving things, getting completely lost in it.

ALISON SLAPPING MONA AND SHE LOOKS AT HER IN SHOCK THEN IS ALL LIKE OOOH KEY LIME PIE MY FAVOURITE. ICONIC. I love these two together. Mona asking Alison when she became a wuss. This is what we’re getting, the constant bring up of Alison’s past. This must have a meaning soon!

The way they filmed the scene of Ava sleeping as if someone was standing there with a knife raised ready to kill her. True horror movie style. The lights come on and it’s Dylan and Caitlin. So, what if this is a clue. Dylan and Caitlin are somehow involved either together or alone. Or maybe it’s a clue towards Nolan’s killer being Jeremy or Andrew.

All these characters are calling out the obvious. When the group are in Ava’s room and Caitlin claims her and Dylanhad nothing to do with Nolan’s death and Ava says “before he was murdered” Dylan said a similar line earlier on in the episode and so did Andrew. So, what if this focus on Nolan being murdered is to throw us off. I mentioned this last week, but someone in a Nolan mask could’ve easily been killed. So Nolan may not have been murdered. But someone was.

There it is again from Dylan “We don’t know each other well enough to trust each other but we need each other.” That’s also the second time someone has referred to it as the perfect posse. “Everyone at BHU is a suspect.” This is exactly why I’ve ruled nobody out yet. “We all have secrets that make us look guilty.” There must be more secrets than what we already know. Let’s recap what we know. Nolan pretty much manipulated Dylan into kissing him: He cheated on Andrew. Thus how Dylan now represents Nolan in his perfect posse and writes papers for Ava and Nolan. Nolan blackmailed Caitlin with a picture of one of her mothers who is a politician kissing a man. He blackmailed her into being his girlfriend. There had to be darker secrets he has on them. Caitlin says to Ava “Unless you are that one person with nothing to hide.” So, Ava seems to be acting like Nolan doesn’t know any of her secrets, I think she’s naive to assume that she’s safe in that respect.

mad world sounds beautiful on the cello I must say. So, this iconic scene of the three musketeers walking to the funeral. In slow mo. I felt for Ava when Claire embraces Caitlin whose only feeling scared for herself whilst Ava stands in the background genuinely hurting. The way it’s shot the over Caitlin’s shoulder shot and Ava blurred out in the background is direct symbolism. When it comes to Claire, Ava felt like an outcast. THEM HOLDING HANDS DURING THE SERVICE FOR SUPPORT WAS SO CUTE.

We get a ton of information from the Mona and Alison conversation at the funeral. Mona confides in Alison about a partial black out during the time of Nolan’s murder. Who would be able to orchestrate something like that? TAYLOR HOTCHKISS MAYBE!? She is after all, monitoring the cameras at BHU and I’m unsure of the timeline. Was Beacon Guard existing when she was “alive”? If so, she would’ve found a way to hack into the system. The only other person we know who knows how to do that is sitting right next to Alison and revealing this information.

So you’re telling me that Caitlin dated both Mason and Nolan, two childhood friends? Interesting. Dylan is getting really shady. “Is it just me or does Mason look a little too sad?” Is it just me or do you and Caitlin look a little guilty and like you don’t care?

MAJOR FLASHBACKS TO PLL WITH THAT SHOT OF THE LEAVES BLOWING IT REMINDED OF THE SCENE WITH THE LEAVES BLOWING AND THEN WE SEE THE MISSING PERSON’S AD ON THE ROSEWOOD NEWSPAPPER WHEN ALI WENT MISSING.

“Dana Booker, you are even more of a low life than I thought.” AVAJALALI SNAPPED. Dana announces that she is no longer working with the FBI but as the new head of security. There it is again “Things are far from okay, a student was murdered but rest assured as BHU’s new head of security, will find out who killed Nolan Hotchkiss.” Wow TANA 2.0. THIS WOMAN IS SIMILAR TO TANA IN A FEW AWAYS AND THAT WORDING IS VERY SIMILAR TO WHAT TANA HAS SAID IN THE PAST

So, Ava tells Dylan and Caitlin that Nolan hid his weed in the greenhouse. When Dylan gets there he finds a note. Someone had got there first. Who else knows that Nolan kept secret things there? Welllll. Ava. But there must be someone else.

Alison bringing up the whole “or someone’s trying to frame me for his murder.” And Mona says that it’s a possibility. ALISON CARES SHE WANTS MONA TO STAY IN TOUCH WITH REALITY AND MONA IS PLAYING ONLINE CHESS THATS SO MONA. “Id offer to play with you in person.” “You’d lose.” THIS SEEMS SIGNIFICANT. IS MONA HINTING AT A GAME. SHE IS THR GAME MASTER AFTER ALL. OMG.

The creepy ass voice sounded similar to Grunwald? Are they gonna bring Grunwald into this. She’s so creepy, I love her. “It’s just like you imagined it.” If they all heard that voice, which it seemed like they did..

Ruling out students with braces. Who has braces??? Also Ava feeling so alone breaks my heart into millions of pieces and she just accepts it as the way it is :(

Dana is so SHADY AND SO TANA. Wow. Alison pulling the big strings like “Do you have a warrant? And she tells her she doesn’t need one because of her contract.

Alison never gets a break from A activity, walking into her home to see a window open and then the creepy ass mother of her ‘doppelgänger’ just chilling with some wine in the dark. That’s what serial killers do Claire. If you don’t want to be suspected then don’t wait in the dark. She says disappeared and then changed it to killed herself.. does Claire know something? When Alison asks her if Claire wrote “They’re watching” on the wall Claire hesitates and doesn’t offer a real answer. Were Nolan and Taylor close? Apparently they teamed up. So this could be the case, backtracking to my theory last week of Taylor and Nolan killing someone and figuring things out from “the dead.”

MONA IS TALKING TO HANNA MARIN AND MY BABIES SPOBY ELOPED FINALLY. THE ONLY COUPLE I WAS REALLY BEHIND ELOPED. SPOBY DESERVE ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD.

Dana takes Caitlin, Dylan and Ava our of class and starts asking them about their alibi. Que Alison stepping in and giving them one. ICONIC WHEN SHE IS LIKE “BRING IT ON BITCH.”

So my overall verdict - I gave this episode a 9. I LOVED IT. We got our little Easter eggs and the mention of Hanna and SPOBY ELOPING. We got Alison giving her students an alibi and being a savage. All the Mona

#the perfectionists 1x02 #the perfectionists theories #pll the perfectionists #the perfectionists #nolan hotchkiss #taylor hotchkiss #mona vanderwaal #caitlin park lewis #alison dilaurentis

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holographic-feminism-blog · 6 years

Text

Why you cannot be “pro life” and be a feminist

(TW: mentions of rape, abuse, gore, death and objectification may be mentioned)

Hey, you may yourself be “pro life” and have been sent this because you're a brick wall and/or this person does not have time for you or you could be an actual person with common sense and be pro choice who just wants to help grow your knowledge and understanding of the feminist movement and your debating skills. Ether way welcome, glad to have you.

I think we should disprove some idiotic points “pro life” feminists like to bring up:

“I’m fine with other women getting abortions, i just think its wrong”

*collective eye roll from all pro choicers* Alright there are two reasons i put this point first.

1. because i feel like you wouldn't even read up to this point if it weren't the first point because you're actively too lazy to read up on literally anything and 2. because i myself have had this point so much i lost count. Ill get to why abortion isn't wrong in a bit but just to say YOU’RE NOT “PRO LIFE” YOU’RE PRO CHOICE!!! The reason i said “you're actively too lazy to read up on literally anything” is because the literal definition of pro choice is

pro-choice

prəʊˈtʃɔɪs/

adjective advocating the legal right of a woman to choose whether or not she will have an abortion.

That literally describes exactly what bs has just drivelled out your damn mouth. You're ok with a person having the choice. You seriously go and say you're pro life when you don't even know what it means. For gods sake the safari app is right there, you couldn't look something up before you embarrass yourself on the internet?

But anyway you're pro choice, pro choice means you're ok with others having the choice even if you wouldn't. Have a nice day.

“Most abortions are gender based, meaning more girls get aborted because they're girls”

Sorry but you need to get your priorities straight, there are so many things wrong with what you just said. First off, transphobia much? Second, I along with anyone with morals would place a fully grown pregnant person with responsibilities, relationships and memories over that of something that is about as alive as a blade of grass that has a vagina. Do you think that a person with a uterus is lesser than something that is barely alive? yeah......... yeah thats why you're not a feminist.

But anyway i don't think you know what gender based abortions really happen for. 99% of the time gender based abortions are in places where the parents are desperate for a boy and cannot have more than one or two children. Places such as china with its one child policy. The parents want to continue the family last name and also continue the businesses (because businesses are usually passed down from father to son). China is flooded with parentless girls already because so many parents abandon them because they wanted a boy, we don't need to add that.

Im in no way ok with gender based abortions but because these people are so desperate to have a boy if abortion became illegal in counties like these violence against women and death of women via massive blood loss with increase rapidly due to coat hanger abortions and husbands hitting their wives in hope to kill the foetus. It’s ether you're ok with violence and horrific torture of millions of people world wide or you're gonna let people have abortions when they need ones.

Hey heres an idea, instead of taking away a right to abortion from women, why don't you do what most feminists who aren't lazy do and try to get rid of the patriarchal idealistic surrounding gender based abortions. Thats actually useful and helps us get to equality, while being anti abortion stops that.

“Some abortions harm women!!!”

According the the NHS (the uk healthcare service) 1 in 1000 legal and medical abortions cause damage to the uterus in abortions carried out between 12-24 weeks. Most of these damages are mild infections that can be treated with antibiotics.

Id also like to remind you that illegal abortions cause wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more damage to someones uterus than a safe and legal one. So your argument is kinda stupid. Like “some women are hurt by legal abortions so lets make it illegal and have EVERY woman be hurt but abortions! I'm fighting for women rights here guys trust me.” Birth is much more dangerous than abortion as well.

Also.... if you're talking about emotional harm...95% of people don't regret their abortion.

“Its against my religion”

Your religion applies to you, not others. NEXT.

“It doesn't say anywhere that I have to be pro choice to be a feminist”

I’m sorry do you have anything in that thick skull of yours?

feminismˈfɛmɪnɪz(ə)m/

noun

the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

Newsflash, you can’t advocate for equality when you see women as incubators. Also, yes you do see women as incubators. You think that if a person gets pregnant and doesn't want it or finds out that it is horrifically deformed or already dead that they should keep it and have it. You’re kidding me right? That is the most misogynistic and sexist thing I have ever heard and its is 100% what you're ok with.

Let me tell you what you're also ok with that is completely anti feminist:

1. Child abuse

I will get into that next

2. Back ally/coat hanger abortions

You're pro people getting hurt via illegal abortions. You're ok with people killing themselves via mass blood loss all because you're selfish enough ignore their desperation. Have you read the stories of illegal abortions before it was legal? They're horrific. You're no feminist if you're ok with pregnant people killing themselves because a right was taken away from them.

3. Rape

No one consents to rape. Its kinda like someone stabs someone else and you tell the person who was stabbed “Don't go to the hospital! You'll be fine! You can handle it.” No one should be forced to continue a pregnancy if they didn't consent to becoming pregnant. you're no feminist if you think people should suffer like that and drag their trauma out. You're punishing people for being raped. Thats worse than victim blaming. Sick.

4. Self harm

People throw themselves down the stairs, punch themselves and even starve themselves to kill the foetus. Why should they be subjected to that when they could have a safe one? You're evil if you think people should be hurt for accidentally getting themselves pregnant then you're no feminist.

5. Poverty

Do you know how much a child costs? $14,000 per year. If you're working a minimum wage job which pays $15,080 per year, thats not good news for you. The fact you’re fine with single mothers or fathers struggling to feed themselves all because of a mistake they made once is NOT ok in any way.

6. People loosing their right to education

You're ok with people missing valuable education time because they need to look after their child and/or give birth? Resulting in them severely denting their life which links to argument 5. ...You’re getting what i mean now right?

7. CHILDREN.BEING.TRAUMATISED.AND.HURT

A 12 year old being forced to have a child isn't ok sorry. There is no way you're in the right for saying they should. Their body isn't built to have a child yet so they're more likely to die or be in immense pain. The labour will be way way way longer than an adults. If you think a child should be put through that, what is wrong with you? You’re so evil I cannot muster and you're the exact opposite of a feminist.

8. The objectification of women

By forcing people to go through with pregnancies you're feeding the patriarchal idea that women are here to give birth to and look after children. You're saying that women are incubators and exist to be impregnated. You're saying that women are lesser than something that doesn't know it’s alive and that she is a slave to the person who got her pregnant and the thing inside her. Thats like so unfeminist its amazing. Thanks.

“Why can’t they just give it for adoption?”

The percentage of adopted children who are abuse is 25%. 25%!!!!! Children who are adopted are also more likely to have depression and commit suicide. In fact, if you're a foster child you're 4 times more likely to commit suicide than a child with a known birth parent. Gay parents are also allowed to be refused to adopt my some agencies, where are you yelling about that? Why are you telling people not to abort when you should be protesting this abuse and homophobia? You're telling me you'd rather see a child suffer and have their whole life messed up than just let a person have an abortion? You're sick.

“Im only ok with it if it’s rape”

So a person has to have their body violated for them to get the rights to it? Consent to sex is NOT consent to pregnancy. Condom effectiveness have gone down to 85%. Its kinda like saying that you're only ok with STD medication if it was due to rape. You can consent to sex but not being infected, so its not their fault. So thats the same with being pregnant.

“I think people should take responsibility for their actions”

Well, they are. Aborting the foetus is taking responsibility for their action. And its rather anti feminist of you to think people should be punished for life because of a mistake.

“Its my choice to be pro life and feminism gives you the right to chose what you believe”

That sentence was a direct contradiction to what you believe. Feminism gives you the right to choose yes but who are you to feel that you can take away that same right to choose to other women. Are you that entitled that you think your choice to be “pro life” is greater than other peoples right to a choice?

Your choice to be pro life is also not feminist at all. Kinda like me saying I'm pro lgbt but then kicking my child out if they're gay. People choose to be racist, people choose to be homophobes. Your choice is your choice yes but everyone has a right to tell you why that choice is wrong.

“But babies are cute!”

...okay...? First off, that shit isn’t a baby. It’s a cluster of cells or a foetus. Second, what does that matter? Something being cute doesn’t put it on some kinda pedestal. I like boa constrictors are cute, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t shoot one in the face if it was trying to constrict my friend.

A thing being cute doesn’t make it more important. In fact it’s very ignorant of you to say that something being cute puts it above others.

You're not a feminist. Just say you hate people with uteruses and go

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stupid-jeans · 6 years

Text

fight just a little ch4 (Cassie/Hannah)

Over here on AO3

@icarryyourheart16 and I continue our little saga...this now puts us about halfway through what’s been written so far. (And yes, now there is smut...just not in this chapter. So the rating will bump next chapter!) Thanks @undercoverwatermoon for the beta *insert whip gif here XD*

In this chapter, Cassie goes back to work, the girls go on a dinner date and end up in bed together (but not like that...yet), there's therapy and Chinese food and Jeremy. Moving right along!

Cassie spends the first three hours at her new job being processed through various security protocols, and she’s waiting on human resources when she allows her mind to drift from the task at hand. She hasn’t seen Hannah in several days, and there’s a pang under her breastbone whenever she thinks of her. Cassie’s finger hovers over the messaging app when they call her name, and she drops her phone into her purse.

The sun is nearly setting by the time her work day ends, and Cassie feels unnaturally exhausted. All the time off has made her soft, and she vows to sneak in a few extra hours at the gym. On her way out of the building Cassie opens her phone again and opens the messaging app.

C: Crazy first day, want to catch up over dinner? I heard Republic has some great live music.

Hannah vows to give Cassie a few days of space. A new job and a new apartment feels like a whole lot of permanent, and she knows exactly how trapped that can make someone feel. The last thing she needs is someone hounding her. So Hannah steps back.

It’s nice, actually, to catch her breath. She gets a massage, gets her hair done, and cleans her apartment from top to bottom. When she goes to her therapist, though, everything sort of spills out of her and when she’s done talking, Hannah’s a little worried what she’ll hear. But to her surprise, the woman is just smiling.

“You’re doing good work, Hannah,” she says. “My only word of advice is to step back when you need to. And don’t let it smother you. You can’t be in charge of someone else’s recovery, only your own.”

Hannah commits those words to memory and leaves the appointment feeling validated. She cooks dinner dancing around her kitchen and singing along to the radio and it’s not until she goes to bed that night that she realizes she’s not actively missing something. Aside from wishing Cassie was here, Hannah’s content. It’s not something she ever expected to feel again. As she drifts off to sleep, she lets herself feel a little proud.

Cassie’s text comes in when she’s still at work the next day. The team’s just leaving Paris and Hannah needs a drink, or five. Seeing Cassie’s name on her screen brings more than a little relief.

H: I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect. Drinks are on me. Can’t wait to hear all about it. 6:30?

Cassie lets out a breath she doesn’t know she’s been holding, and she’s so relieved and happy she nearly bumps into someone as she leaves the building. Cassie gives a distracted apology and walks on, grinning at Hannah’s text.

Even though Cassie remembers Hannah’s words to her, she realizes a small part of her had feared Hannah wouldn’t respond. It would have been a natural response after the way she’d treated her.

C: 6:30 sounds great.

Cassie shoots off the text and pauses slightly before typing in a second.

I missed you.

Cassie stares at it for a long time as she sits in her car, and eventually erases it. Vulnerability still doesn’t come easily.

Hannah has just enough time to freshen up before meeting Cassie. Her stomach flutters predictably at the sight of her, and she forgets about their little bump in the road--momentarily at least.

“Hey, beautiful. You waiting on someone?” she asks, grinning playfully.

Cassie’s heart jumps as she sees Hannah, and she nearly pulls her into a kiss right there on the street, but she hesitates and settles for a quick hug instead. It’s not what she wants, but the nerves prevent her from loosening up.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Cassie says, and she feels like she’s slipped on some ill fitting cover again. It takes everything in her to relax and grab Hannah’s hand, to trust that the genuine delight in Hannah’s eyes is for her.

“Me too. Is this...do you want to go somewhere quieter?” Hannah wonders, instantly aware of Cassie’s discomfort. “I don't care where we are. I just wanted to see you.” She bites back the I missed you that wants to follow. Cassie doesn't need to feel guilty.

Cassie stares at the restaurant and realizes the last place she wants to be is this place filled with noise and people. It’s silly, considering she was the one who suggested it, but she lets out a breath and gives Hannah a grateful smile.

“Yeah, god, sorry. I thought I wanted the noise until I got here and suddenly all I want to do is kick off my shoes and eat chinese food.”

Her tension eases considerably, and Cassie marvels at Hannah’s instincts. Clearly, a quiet night in is exactly what she needs.

“Your place?” Cassie suggests.

“Of course,” Hannah agrees, squeezing Cassie’s hand. “Like I said, I just want you. I don't really care where.” She pauses, hearing herself, and laughs. “That sounds a lot like a proposition. I'm sorry, it's been a long couple of days.”

Cassie snorts out a laugh and grabs Hannah around the waist, kissing her hard. She loses herself in her for a moment, the warm softness of her body against hers, the way she tastes, and releases her with more than a little regret.

“I would have been really disappointed if you hadn’t tried to proposition me,” Cassie says, sliding an arm around Hannah’s middle.

“There you are,” Hannah murmurs affectionately, leaning into Cassie. She presses another kiss to the other woman’s lips and just looks at her a second. Her therapist’s words echo in her head and Hannah realizes it goes both ways--Cassie’s not responsible for her trauma, for her past, for her hang-ups. They're both just trying, and whatever lingering hurt Hannah’s been harboring evaporates. “I really like you, you know.”

It makes her go soft inside, the way Hannah looks at her, and it hurts a little too, but Cassie thinks this might be the good kind of pain. It feels so damn good to have this back, the easy affection, the understanding, and Cassie realizes that she’s no longer tense.

“I a little more than like you,” Cassie says, and she’s grinning like an idiot, but she kind of doesn’t care.

“Yeah? Lucky me.” Hannah kisses her one more time before leading her back toward the metro. “Tell me about your day.”

She does, lamenting over the long hours spent being processed through security and human resources, and ends with a story about her desk mate Jeremy, who seemed nice despite his weird obsession with toothpicks.

They’re walking up to Hannah’s apartment when Cassie mentions the thing that’s been bothering her all day.

“There’s a psych eval. I have to go see someone for the next month, once a week. It’s gonna determine if I’m even fit for this damn desk job.”

“Be honest,” Hannah offers gently. The eval doesn't surprise her in the least. She wonders if she should've warned Cassie about it sooner. “They're not looking for you to be okay. They're looking to make sure you can handle not being okay. I thought I would hate it but...it's been really good for me. Therapy in general.”

Cassie considers it for a moment.

“Thanks, that’s good advice,” she says, and there’s a touch of relief at not having to be okay.

“Not so sure about the therapy thing, but hey, it comes with the job right? Enough about my day, how have you been?” Cassie asks.

“Stopped a terrorist from blowing up a carnival, watched one of our guys go undercover and...realized how much I missed it,” Hannah admits. “That high, walking out of something like that knowing you succeeded…” she shakes her head. “Kinda forgot how much of a turn on it was, feeling that unstoppable. But...today, I didn't feel like I was missing out. I missed the feeling, but not the reality. Because I knew I got to come home to my own apartment, sleep in my own bed. Progress, I think.”

Cassie knows that high, intimately. It’s what drives her so fiercely, and sometimes she thinks it is the only thing that keeps her from fully succumbing to the emotionless existence the job requires.

Hannah’s words spark something in her. It’s small, but the ember burns. There hadn’t been much more than some monitoring work today, but she wonders if she’ll feel as Hannah did when she finally does guide one of the teams from behind the scenes.

“I’m so happy for you,” she says, leaning against the doorjamb as they reach the door of Hannah’s apartment.

“You’re pretty incredible you know that?” Cassie says, stroking a hand down Hannah’s arm.

The touch is innocent, but Hannah’s still adjusting to this, to physical intimacy, in all its forms, and it sparks a little bit of warmth, stoked by Cassie’s praise.

“You, too, Cassie. I don’t date just anyone.” She offers a teasing wink before opening the door and letting them both inside. It’s easier to flirt than to think too seriously about how tenuous all of this is, how Cassie’ll go back to field work and Hannah will stay here and keep living her life. Separately. She has to physically shake that thought from her head. “Chinese, you said?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” Cassie says, taking in Hannah’s apartment. It’s warm and homey, and there’s the subtle hint of citrus that seems to cling to Hannah. Something about the place makes Cassie recognize that Hannah really has taken to life after the job. There are personal touches that are so Hannah that Cassie has to smile.

She puts the heels she’s been standing in all day neatly by Hannah’s front door and moves to her, wrapping her arms loosely around her waist.

“You’re just who I needed after today,” Cassie says.

At Cassie’s touch, Hannah instantly melts into her with a soft sigh. “Yeah?” It means more to her than she expects, hearing it aloud. “I missed you. I was so glad when you texted.” She leans her forehead against Cassie’s, her fingers toying idly with the hem of her shirt. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Cassie blows out a breath and tugs Hannah a little closer, brushing her lips lightly over hers.

“I missed you too,” she says, and relief and happiness floods her, because she was missed, and wanted. She feels almost too needy, and the urge to cling to Hannah builds until she moves away unsteadily. The last thing Cassie wants to do is scare Hannah away.

Memories of a young desperate girl surface, and Cassie is shocked to find the pain is just as fresh as it was all those years ago. She thought that time was behind her, and now she’s standing in Hannah’s kitchen about to lose it because she’s shown the same affection her heart ached for so many years ago.

“Where’s your bathroom?” Cassie asks, and she knows she sounds off, her voice is pitched too high and her throat is tight.

“Cassie.” Hannah knows she has to tread carefully. There’s a lot of risk here. But she doesn’t want to lose the ground they’ve gained because Cassie’s scared. “Don’t run away. Please? I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I want you here with me.” Inside her chest, her heart is racing, because there’s every chance she’s ruining this by pushing. But she has to try.

Cassie edges back until she bumps into the counter, and the feel of something solid against her brings her back from that wild space she’s in. She grips the edge of the counter and begins trying to work her way through her mental list, but it’s not working. The panic surges harder now, and Cassie looks desperately up at Hannah.

Hannah’s words finally pierce through the haze, and Cassie takes a wobbly step forward, and then another.

When Cassie looks at Hannah’s eyes she sees the smallest hint of fear, and she understands, even though she doesn’t know why, where that fear is coming from. Cassie trusts Hannah enough to let her see the first tear roll down her cheek before she wraps her arms around her again.

“I’m still fucked up and I don’t how how to fix it,” she says in a shaky whisper, and she presses her lips together tightly because she’s too scared to break.

“Oh, baby,” Hannah breathes, a lump forming in her throat. “My sweet girl. It takes time and work and it sucks. But it’s worth it. And you are so, so strong and so, so brave and I know you can do it. And I’ll be right here, if you’ll let me be.”

The hardest part had been doing it alone, she thinks. The loneliness had just about swallowed her whole.

She doesn’t feel like any of the things Hannah says about her, she feels wretched, and weak, and embarrassed, but something steady and bright keeps her from flying apart. Hannah’s words lodge themselves neatly into her heart, and Cassie feels the first band of panic loosen. A broken cry slips from her lips, and she presses her face harder into Hannah’s shoulder. The break is small, a crack in a solid wall, but even as the pain threatens to consume her, it lifts slightly. Although the modicum of control she’s gained back feels tremulous, Cassie sniffles and pulls lightly out of Hannah’s arms.

“God I’m sorry, I wanted to be with you tonight, and just be happy, and here I am unpacking all my emotional baggage on you.” She manages to push past her embarrassment enough to glance up at Hannah, and notices the greyish stain of mascara on her blouse.

“And I ruined your shirt,” she says with a pained laugh.

“Guess you gave me an excuse to take it off,” Hannah returns lightly, reaching up to brush the drying tears from Cassie’s cheeks. “You’re gonna be okay. I promise you. I know it doesn’t feel like it now...but you will. Feelings suck but they can’t kill you. And the more you feel them, the less they hurt. The more you heal.”

Cassie nods, sniffling again as she rubs at what she’s sure is a mess of mascara and eyeliner under her eyes, and sure enough, her fingers come away blackened. She spots Hannah’s bathroom door and leans in to kiss Hannah lightly on the cheek.

“Thank you for being here, from the beginning you…” Cassie trails off, because she’s at a loss. “You didn’t leave,” she says finally.

“I’m gonna wash my face because I really don’t want to scare the delivery person away,” Cassie says, and even though she sniffles again she turns back to Hannah with a lascivious grin.

“You really should take that shirt off. It’s completely ruined.”

“I was kind of hoping you’d do the honors,” Hannah murmurs, feeling a little emboldened by her day, by Cassie. “When you’re done with your face. I’ll order the food.” Because now that the option is on the table, a large flock of butterflies has taken up residence in her stomach. And she knows she can back out--of course she does--but she doesn’t want to. Not really.

“That mouth of yours is dangerous,” Cassie mutters, as she makes her way to the bathroom, “in more ways than one.”

The thought of being intimate with Hannah lingers, and she feels the heat begin to pool in her belly as she washes her face, but something holds her back. It’s not fear, but an instinctual feeling that being with Hannah isn’t something she can do lightly. Cassie looks up at her reflection and frowns slightly. She swears something about her is just… different. Sure, her eyes are still a little red, and her face looks a little more vulnerable without the carefully applied makeup, but they don’t explain the strange sensation she feels, like she’s slightly unfamiliar to herself.

Cassie frowns over the thought a moment longer before brushing it off and stepping out of the bathroom.

Hannah’s back is to her as she orders delivery, and Cassie moves up behind her, sliding her hands over her hips to lay flat on Hannah’s stomach. She presses a kiss to Hannah’s shoulder over the fabric of her blouse, and lingers there for a moment.

Cassie’s not sure she knows the steps to healing, but she does know she wants to try, for her, and for Hannah.

Cassie’s touch only brings comfort, despite the nerves, and Hannah smiles a little as she hangs up.

“I meant what I said,” she murmurs, the words easier with Cassie behind her, not looking her in the eye. “I want you to see me.”

Mentally, she catalogs her scars, and Hannah feels the familiar lick of panic, icy cold as it settles in the pit of her stomach. But after a few seconds, it fades.

“I will,” Cassie murmurs, and although she has no intention of pushing them any further tonight, she tugs Hannah’s blouse out of her pants, and lets her fingers trace the bare skin just above her waistband.

“When we’re both ready,” she whispers. Another piece falls into place as Cassie realizes Hannah is trusting her with this. Warmth settles in her chest and she smiles against her shoulder.

Hannah’s breath audibly hitches at Cassie’s touch, heat sparking enough to chase away the threat of anxiety.

“You're so good to me,” she murmurs, finding each of Cassie's hands and guiding them to the buttons at the front of her top. Hannah knows there's no expectation here, and it helps.

Her hands are shaky as she undoes one button first, then another. Cassie keeps quiet, even as desire builds, and works her way down the row of buttons. She lets the blouse fall open, but doesn’t move to take it off. Cassie grips Hannah’s hips lightly again before pressing her mouth to the spot between Hannah’s shoulders over the thin blouse. Slowly, deliberately, she kisses down the center of Hannah’s back, stopping just above her waist. Her fingers stroke feather light over Hannah’s sides, even as her own pulse jumps.

Hannah's never been good at staying quiet, not like this. Her breathing goes from uneven to ragged, soft little moans escaping her.

“Cassie,” she breathes, covering her hands but not moving them or stilling them. She just needs an anchor, something steadying because her head is spinning.

The sound of her name on Hannah’s lips sends heat arrowing straight into her core, and Cassie straightens, turning Hannah slowly to face her. Her breath catches in her throat. Hannah is so beautiful, even more so in her vulnerability, and she walks them both back until Hannah bumps against the counter.

“I love the way you sound like this,” Cassie breathes, pressing hot open mouthed kisses to Hannah’s neck and shoulders.

“God, you’re going to kill me,” Hannah whines, curling her fingers under the edge of Cassie’s shirt, her nails grazing the skin underneath. It’s the closest she’s felt to normalcy, to wanting without being afraid, and it makes her hopeful and emotional and needy all at once.

The contact makes the muscles in Cassie’s stomach jump, and she lets out an involuntary hum of pleasure against Hannah’s skin. She shifts the shirt off Hannah’s shoulders and lets it catch at her elbows, fisting her hand in the fabric, so Hannah is still mostly covered.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cassie breathes, nibbling at Hannah’s pulse before she moves back slightly, trying to catch her breath, and waiting to see how Hannah reacts.

It takes a couple of seconds for Hannah’s brain to catch up. She blinks Cassie into focus, and the way Cassie’s looking at her steals her breath away.

“I’m all yours,” she promises, wrapping her hand around Cassie’s wrist, feeling the thrum of her pulse at her wrist.

It shouldn’t affect her like that when Hannah says those words, but her heart clenches anyway, and Cassie covers her mouth with a blistering kiss, pushing Hannah against the counter a little rougher than she intended, because this had been about being gentle, about making Hannah feel safe. Her heart wasn’t meant to get so caught up in this. Want and need tangle and rush through her, and she forces her hands to soften, her breath to stop going ragged.

“I’m yours,” Cassie murmurs against Hannah’s lips, and her voice trembles slightly.

The force of Cassie’s want leaves her panting and shivering and all Hannah wants to do is drag her to bed. But she can’t. Despite how powerful she feels, knowing she’s wanted, knowing she can make Cassie react like this, there’s still that fear in the back of her mind, the one that had left her fleeing in a panic, narrowly clinging to rationality.

“Mine,” she whispers, to remind herself as her hands come up to cradle Cassie’s face, her thumbs skimming her jaw. “You have no idea how badly I want you.”

Cassie leans into the touch.

“If it’s any match for what I’m feeling right now I might have some idea,” she says, pressing a light kiss to Hannah’s lips before tugging her top up and slowly buttoning it back up, dragging her knuckles against the skin.

“I’m sorry for running before,” Cassie says suddenly, not sure why that slipped out.

“I-“ she pauses before looking at Hannah. “I’ll try not to do that.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “But I’ll be here. If you do. When you do. I’m kind of stubborn like that.” Hannah slips her arms around Cassie’s waist and pulls her closer again, kissing the corner of her mouth. “We both deserve a little forgiveness. And a little happiness, too, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know what the hell I did to deserve you, but I’m not complaining,” Cassie says, enjoying their closeness. There’s a knock on the door and Cassie gives Hannah a quick squeeze.

“I’ll get that,” she says, opening the door and handing the delivery girl some cash.

They chat easily over food and wine, and for the first time Cassie realizes she’s not thinking about anything but Hannah and this moment.

Her goal of returning to the field has been an ever present thought in her mind since she’s returned, and there were times where she thought the only reason she clung so hard to it was to keep from falling apart. Cassie’s not ready to let it go, and she doesn’t think she ever will be, but she’s surprised to realize she feels content.

It feels strange, like her mind is quiet after being filled with noise for months, maybe years.

“Hey, where'd you go?” Hannah asks, studying Cassie curiously. There's no tension to her, no fear, but she's obviously not entirely present. “I'm not boring you, am I?” She tucks the hair back from Cassie’s face, tender and affectionate. It's rare to find no demons between them and Hannah is reveling in the temporary reprieve.

Cassie blinks at Hannah’s touch and laughs.

“Boring me? You act like that’s an option,” she teases, taking a sip of wine.

“No, I was just thinking. I feel happy,” she says, and then pauses. “I mean, I’ve been happy, I just-” everything she wants to say sounds ridiculously corny and Cassie shrugs at a loss for words. “This is different,” she says simply.

Cassie links her fingers with Hannah’s and smiles.

“You’re a big part of that,” she says.

“I know exactly what you mean,” Hannah murmurs, lifting Cassie's hand and brushing her lips over her knuckles. “You're pretty incredible, in case no one’s told you that lately.”

Cassie smiles a little shyly at Hannah’s comment, but she’s warmed by the pride in Hannah’s voice.

“You’re gonna give me a big head,” she says, a little distracted by Hannah’s lips on her knuckles.

“There are other things I’d rather give you…” Hannah purrs, grinning, unfurling Cassie’s fingers and pressing a kiss to her palm, and then to her wrist.

“Oh god, Hannah,” Cassie says with a laugh, biting her lip as she watches her.

“You can’t sit there, looking like that, saying stuff like that to me,” she adds, grinning affectionately at Hannah.

Her mind wanders, imagining a little too vividly what Hannah could do with that mouth, and she clears her throat, reeling her thoughts back in.

Hannah giggles, watching Cassie’s thoughts drift.

“But it’s so fun,” she murmurs. “Knowing I can do that to you. You do it to me all the time.” Her lips part over Cassie’s pulse and she sucks, holding Cassie’s gaze a few seconds before letting her go.

Cassie puffs out a breath, amused at Hannah’s giggle.

“Hannah, you look at me and you turn me on,” Cassie says, bumping her thigh lightly with her knee. “I feel like a horny teenager around you half the time.”

Her heart is fucking glowing, and Cassie feels so damn foolish, but she’d give just about anything to spend all her time watching Hannah this light and happy.

“It’s nice to know I’m not the only one,” Hannah says, pulling Cassie’s hand into her lap and leaning against her side. “Pretty sure I’m running out of excuses for all the times Noah’s caught me daydreaming about you.”

The admission makes her blush because she’s always thinking about stupid things. It’s never about sex. It’s rarely even about kissing. It’s just about Cassie’s freckles and her smile and the sound of her laugh. It’s about how Cassie’s touch is never hesitant, how she’s never too gentle or too wary. How Hannah feels normal more often than not. And all of those things make Hannah feel young and innocent, which is an altogether unfamiliar feeling--one she doesn’t mind.

“Daydreaming about me huh?” Cassie says, leaning her head against Hannah’s.

“That’s pretty damn cute Rivera,” she adds, pressing a kiss to Hannah’s temple.

“I'm glad you think so.” Hannah squeezes Cassie’s hand and closes her eyes, committing this moment to memory, for a time less carefree. “Come to bed? I kind of just want to kiss you until we fall asleep.”

“Hmmmm, that sounds amazing,” Cassie says, grabbing Hannah around the waist and pulling her to her feet. She tugs lightly at Hannah’s shirt, giving her a playful grin as they move towards the bedroom. Hannah’s bed is large and plush, and Cassie sinks down on it with a satisfied sigh.

“Come here,” she murmurs.

Hannah accepts the invitation gladly, crawling over Cassie, staring down at her. “Kinda love having you in my bed…” Her hands find Cassie’s and pin them lightly to the bed over her head, bending to almost kiss her. She stops short, Cassie’s breath ghosting her lips. “Now it’ll smell like you.”

Cassie feels a jolt in her stomach as Hannah’s hands pin hers to the bed. Heat rushes over her skin as she looks at Hannah, and she is well aware her breath comes out slightly erratically.

“God you’re beautiful,” Cassie says, wetting her lips as she watches Hannah over her.

“Mmm, you’re one to talk.” Hannah nips gently at Cassie’s mouth before actually kissing her, teasing her lips with her tongue, slowly deepening the contact with a soft hum of appreciation. There’s a line somewhere, but it feels far away when all she wants right now is exactly this--soft, slow kisses and the press of Cassie’s body under hers.

Cassie arches slightly against Hannah, because the soft kisses make her want, but she keeps herself still, letting Hannah move at her own pace.

“I love the way you feel,” Cassie whispers, tugging lightly at the hands Hannah holds above her head. There’s a slight thrill of excitement at the loss of control.

“This okay?” Hannah asks, pausing briefly when she feels Cassie fight her light grasp. Undoubtedly, Cassie could free herself. She’s incredibly strong and has just as much training as Hannah. But she still needs to be sure. Cassie stops fighting almost instantly though, and Hannah settles on lightly trailing kisses along Cassie’s jaw. “I’ve thought a lot about this, having you here…”

“It’s more than okay,” Cassie murmurs, her eyes fluttering closed as she melts under Hannah’s touch. It takes a few seconds for her brain to process what Hannah says, but then her eyes pop open, and she grins at Hannah.

“Yeah? What kinds of things were you thinking about?”

A blush colors Hannah’s cheeks and she ducks her head. She’s never been shy, especially not about things like this, but she’s incredibly out of practice and everything feels so damn new with Cassie.

“What it’s going to be like to finally touch you,” she whispers, sitting back enough to slide her hands up Cassie’s arms, though moving means her hips settle more firmly, too, and Hannah trembles from the heat that sparks through her. “How badly I want to taste you…”

The line that had been a comfortable distance away is suddenly so much closer, and it’s thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

Cassie’s lips part and she’s practically panting as Hannah shifts against her. She squeezes her eyes shut, fighting the need to move against her, and shivers at the feel of Hannah’s fingers against her skin.

Cassie smooths her hands up Hannah’s thighs, stopping to squeeze lightly at her hips. She goes a little brain dead at Hannah’s words, and she moves slightly to ease the building desire. Her imagination is running wild with her own suggestions of things she’d like to do to Hannah, but she keeps them to herself, letting Hannah go as far as she’s comfortable.

“You’re so pretty when you blush like that,” Cassie says, reaching up to toy with the ends of Hannah’s hair.

Hannah slides the hem of Cassie's shirt through her fingers, her gaze falling to watch because it's easier than looking at the other woman when she feels like this--needy and vulnerable.

“I always end up thinking about how much I love falling asleep with you. How much I love having you next to me.” Somehow, those words feel harder than the ones that came before.

Cassie’s heart thunders in her chest as a tingling warmth slowly spreads through her body. She sits up rapidly, catching Hannah as she tips back slightly, and flips them so Hannah is tucked in beside her. She presses a tender kiss to Hannah’s hair and smiles at her.

“I love being with you,” Cassie says, “just like this, or doing anything really, it— you’re…” she huffs out a breath, searching for what she wants to say. “You mean a lot to me,” she says finally, tracing her fingers along Hannah’s hairline. It’s not quite right, there’s more, and not for the first time she wishes she had the ability to express her feelings more eloquently. But it’s a step in the right direction, and she takes it as a win for now.

“I never thought…” Hannah’s words catch in her throat and she has to swallow and try again. “I didn't think I could ever feel like this again.” It's not some huge declaration. She's not there yet, and she knows Cassie’s not either, but it's a lot and it makes her hold Cassie a little tighter and tuck her face into the other woman's neck.

Her heart swells in her chest as Hannah clings to her, and she rests her head against Hannah’s.

“Me either,” Cassie murmurs, and she lets the knowledge that she’s cared for settle within her. It’s odd how that takes work, and she takes a few moments to let the concept of it take root. Her hands stroke comfortingly over Hannah’s back, and she closes her eyes, soaking the moment in.

There's not an ounce of panic or anxiety from Cassie's touch. Hannah barely notices she's touching her scars at all. Piece by piece, she's coming back together, and it feels a lot like victory.

---------------------------------------

At her therapist appointment two days later, Hannah’s confronted by the one thing that’s been lingering in the back of her mind, the one she’s been practically obsessing over since Cassie had left her apartment on Tuesday morning, because her mind can’t seem to fathom just having a good thing and leaving it at that.

“So the emotional aspect is coming along. What about the physical intimacy?”

“We’re...taking it slow,” Hannah says.

“Her decision? Yours?”

“Mutual,” Hannah says, though she wonders. Cassie’s still not entirely healed, but she’s much further along now. “I don’t know.”

“You’re scared?”

“She knows about the scars,” Hannah murmurs, but it’s not an answer, not really. “I don’t know. I’m...anxious, I guess.”

“If she knows about the scars, where’s the anxiety coming from?” she asks in a tone that means she knows the answer already and is just waiting for Hannah to put the pieces together.

“I don’t know,” Hannah sighs, picking at a loose thread on her sleeve.

“That’s your homework for this week then. Think about that and maybe have a conversation with Cassie about it, too,” her therapist suggests and Hannah almost huffs.

“Will this ever stop being work?” she asks, only mostly kidding.

“If it does, you’re doing it wrong,” the woman offers kindly. “That’s not you or your trauma, Hannah. That’s just people.”

“Yeah,” Hannah sighs.

When she checks her phone, she has an email from Noah about the upcoming military ball and almost dismisses it before realizing maybe she shouldn’t. Just because the work is hard doesn’t mean she should stop doing it. So instead, she calls Cassie.

Cassie is just finishing her report when her phone rings. She smiles at the name lighting up the screen and adds a sultry purr to her tone as she answers.

“Hey gorgeous, what are you wearing?”

Jeremy’s head pops up from the file he’s reading, and she winks at him.

Hannah laughs, the tension from her session draining at Cassie’s easy humor.

“Not a stitch. I prefer to do rush hour in the nude,” she returns easily, tipping her head back against the headrest and closing her eyes. She’ll drive home in a minute. “Tell Jeremy hi, by the way. If he survives until I meet him, it’ll be a miracle.”

Cassie hums with appreciation.

“Ooh, that’s my kind of girl. Remind me to hitch a ride with you next time,” she grins up at Jeremy who looks slightly flustered.

“Hannah says hi,” she adds, watching him nod in recognition.

“Figured it was your girlfriend,” he mutters. “She’s the only one who makes you smile like that.”

Cassie pauses slightly, because she’d never officially called Hannah that, but the thought of it makes her happy, so she embraces it.

“How are you doing? I missed you,” Cassie says, and the words slip easily from her lips now.

“I missed you too, sweet girl.” Hannah’s smile widens. “Do you want to go to the military ball with me? Noah just sent me the email. I was going to decline but...I kinda like the idea of showing you off.”

Cassie leans on her desk and fiddles with one of the pens, catching herself as she swivels back and forth in her chair. You’re about one step shy of twirling your hair and giggling she thinks, amused at herself.

“That depends, will you get me a corsage?” She asks, biting back a smile.

“What kind of date do you take me for, Conner?” Hannah returns, biting her lip, a now-familiar warmth spreading through her. “I plan to show you off, remember? What good does it do if no one knows you’re mine?”

She does giggle at that, and catches Jeremy eyeing her with an amused expression on his face.

“I’d love to,” she says finally, and she stops herself one loop short of doodling a heart on the notepad in front of her. She doesn’t need her skills as an analyst to figure out she’s smitten.

“Great. I’ll forward you the email. I’ll buy the tickets though. And the corsage. Can I see you tonight?” The smell of Cassie is starting to fade from her sheets and Hannah wants it back. She pushes the niggling conversation with her therapist aside for now. Not something they can do on the phone anyway.

“Absolutely, I get off in an hour or so. I’ll bring takeout from the Thai place,” Cassie says.

She disconnects the call as they say their goodbyes, and speeds through the last of her paperwork.

Cassie is on the last report when Andrew Williams, her boss, walks up to her.

“Conner, psych’s waiting on you.”

Her spine stiffens.

“I don’t have an appointment.”

“Yes, because you cancelled the last three.” He says flatly. “Get going Conner, it’s just a preliminary appointment.”

The happy bubble in her chest pops, and her stomach drops.

“Yes sir,” Cassie says, stacking her files neatly before grabbing her purse.

Cassie nibbles on her thumbnail as she rides the elevator to mental health services. Nerves spark under her skin, but her demeanor is calm as she greets the counselor.

#my fic #the brave #cassie conner #Hannah rivera

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