#idk. i could probably deal with things better. but i also choose to not sometimes. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nebelihood · 10 months

Note

I just CANNOT DEAL with your shortaki art!!!!!! they are such complex characters and you just GET them! I just UGH LOVE THEM SO MUCH! what do you like about them the most?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! AAAAAA I'M SO GLAD AND I HOPE I CAN COME BACK TO IT!!!!

I LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SHOW- BUT, if you are asking me about just Arnold and Helga, hmm...

Well Helga's my favorite out of the two of them. I really like her and I justify her quite a lot, which my be wrong of me but I feel like she really deserves a chance,,,,

To begin with I love that her character despite being the "love interest" (or in this case the "love uninterest") meaning she helps to they show's dynamic with the purpose of being in love with Arnold- the show still gives her enough screen time for her to develop outside that dynamic. I consider that to be super rich taking in account the story was developed during the 90s. She has episodes entirely to herself (Just like Arnold, Gerald, Phoebe and Harold) were she struggles with rejection from her male and female classmates, deals with the idea of being ugly, feels scared with the idea of being gone and not missed, fear of death, and all her family episodes!

During the first season Helga was SUPER MEAN- LIKE unnecessarily MEAN. But I excuse her cause she was more childish (And they were probably still developing her) As the series progresses you can understand from where her anger develops, and you can also witness her doing acts of true kindness (With no credit at all) out of her true admiration for Arnold.

Arnold truly teaches her and inspires her to be a better person, despite having to deal with an alcoholic mom and real jerk of a dad (not to mention Olga the perfect sister). Being a neglected kid, A NINE YEAR OLD KID. THE EPISODE WHERE HER MOM WORKS AND JUST KICKS HER OUT, THAT EPISODE MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME.

Helga is really mean, evil and careless. She really is, but who wouldn't be in such situation. She could either spend her days as a sad kid- but she chooses to fight it with angerness (Although sometimes we can see her sad with certain situations). And although her fixiation is bordering to a sick person (HAJAHS) she directs it into a good light. Fixiating on Arnold cause he's a good kid. He's kind, nice, helpful, etc. When Helga hurts someone, Her OWN brain tells her is wrong but in the shape of Arnold- someone who she deeply loves and hates to dissapoint and ends up doing the right thing.

IT'S STILL HELGA THE ONE WHO CHoOSES TO DO GOOD THO- Arnold it's only a great visual help.

DID YOU SEE HER ON THE POTION OF LOVE EPISODE- SHE LOOKED SO EMPTY WITHOUT ARNOLD. WITHOUT ARNOLD SHE CAN ONLY THINK ABOUT HER PROBLEMS- OR WHAT SHE DID TO AVOID THAT; NOT THINK ON ANYTHING AT ALL. AN EMPTY CHILD.

I'd write more but my wrist is tired already and I'm getting hungry,, ajahsj these are some reason (ARNOLD HAS HIS STUFF TOO BUT I CAN'T DO IT RN) I LOVE HEY ARNOLD- They really give importance to kids in stories so realisic in the adult world, idk how to explain it. I love how natural it feels despite not having grown in the 90s. The characters are developed so beautifully. I think the show really attacks the phrase "They are just kids, what do they have to worry about?" in a perfect way.

IAUGSH I CAN'T AAA,,

#hey arnold!#hey arnold #helga g pataki #helga pataki

127 notes · View notes

aesterblaster · 1 year

Note

Ik you said to send hot takes but what about your hot takes 👀👀

NYAHAHAHA THANKS FOR ASKING

*clears throat*

IsagiRin as a ship just doesn't work for me. Odk why just. Sorry I can NOT see your vision bestie. Half of the Blue Lock ships don't work for me especially when centered around Isagi because that boy switches side characters like they're pairs of shoes. In Blue Lock one or two sus or even sweet moments doesn't really amount to much to me because everyone has them here. That doesn't automatically mean date on a riverside resturant. On the other hand I totally could see Bachira x Isagi but I just think of them as really close friends because that's what gives me the most comfort being as some of the people who really saved my life were friends. I think it would be better if Bachira had a friend first and focused on himself before getting into any big relationship. Idk I guess that's more of a personal preferance

SPEAKING OF, I hate people who write Blue Lock smut w a burning passion. I'm not even gonna hit the whole iTS IMMorAL train it just usually sucks all the fun and personality out of the chosen character and is just trying to be as gross ans shocking as possible and twist them into somehow being pervs just bc they get all hyperactive when they play soccer. Like GET THERAPY. Half the time I go to the bllk tag im just scrolling like HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT.

The anime gets a lot of slack but like... It's very difficult to transfer things from one medium to the other especially things as philisophical as Blue Lock

Fandom interpretations of Shidou are usually weirdly ooc because they wittle him down to like how cray cray he is or whatever and completely ignore for example, his respect for people who are also creative and out of the box or his ability to deal with lonliness and being othered by everyone

Characters that shouldn't be hated nearly as much as they are: NOA NOEL. You heard it here folks. I genuinely believe he's just trying his best and honestly most coaches would've asked to drop half the player he has to deal with by now like cmon you got an emo gymrat who was forced to become like you, you got a playee whos EYESIGHT IS FAILING but will literally start falling apart if you bench him, you got..kaiser and his lapdog ass cronie who dont listen to your plans at all, you got an entire rift between new and old players. Like how do you even fix that when you can't send people home (i think)? He gives good advice sometimes ngl and they're winning games so like...

Cont. Sure he isn't as funny or amusing to read as Lavinho or Chris and he isn't as open as Snuffy but DAMN IT he's doing his job ok? And all the dad son moments between him and Isagi are to die for.

Naruhayas little miniarc is honestly has the saddest backstory implications to me. THERE I SAID IT. Rin's is indeed tragic and heartwrenching but can be fixed, he can move on and heal if he so chooses. Bachira...ok nvm bachira's ties with it. Hiori's is an absolute tear jerker but he is still in Blue Lock. He still has some time to grow. Naruhaya? There's nothing that could be done to fix his position or bring him up or cut him from the weights dragging him down. We see so many characters in the Blue Lock universe rise from their poverty through soccer but DAMN IT NARUHAYA EXISTED TO SHOW THAT THAT IS A LUCKY AND FEW 2 PERCENT. HE PROBABLY HAD TO GIVE UP ON EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS DREAMS JUST TO SUPPORT THE VERY FAMILY HE LOVES SO MUCH. HIS PARENTS LITERALLY DIED. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? BACHIRA STILL HAS HIS MOM, RIN AT LEAST HAS HOPES OF RECONCILING WITH HIS BROTHER AND HIORI MIGHT ONE DAY SAFELY CUT HIS PARENTS OFF BUT HIS ARE IMPLIED TO BE GOOD PEOPLE JUST..STRAIGHT UP DEAD. AND THE WAY HE STOLE FOOD ALL THE TIME???? IM GOING INSANE.

Ok thats all for now LMAO

#blue lock #bllk #asks #blue lock manga #yeah.

49 notes · View notes

spaceorphan18 · 8 months

Text

Okay guys! I have watched all of Hearstopper -- as picked by you!

And here are my thoughts!

I'm going to put it under a cut -- Idk if people are worried about spoilers? Idk.

My overall, quick thoughts are that I liked it! It's a well done show, and I'm glad that there's a celebratory LGBT+ youth show that isn't reliant on trauma porn in the way that Euphoria is. (I haven't seen Euphoria - but based on what I do know, it'd be too much for me.)

I think, though, I have some complicated feelings about the show, though, more so concerning my place in life and less about the show itself. But I guess some reflecting is at hand.

I liked the first season more than the second. Part of it, admittedly, might be because I spent the whole day binging it. And sometimes that's a hard thing in general. I had a nice day -- and as afternoon slipped into the evening, it kind of felt like one of those relaxing days where you curl up with hot cocoa on a snowy, winter day. It's comforting. I enjoyed my day - but it was probably too much by the end of it. I was getting antsy about moving on, so that's on me, and my issues of not being able to parcel things out.

I think the other part of it is the realization as the second season was playing that I've spent the last thirty years watching some kind of variation of the stories being told. And while I think it's great that Gen Z has this, and that the LGBTQ+ community has this, I feel like I've seen it all before. This isn't a criticism of the show -- it's more so that I don't think I'm invested in these kinds of stories anymore. It's kind of interesting, in a way, that it doesn't matter sexuality or gender or what age you're growing up in, there are some themes that are universal.

Alright - so some more specific thoughts:

I do like the Nick and Charlie pairing. They're very sweet together, and I think the show does a good job of exploring it as a growing, awkward teenage relationship.

I also like the way they've handled Charlie's eating disorder. I usually hate eating disorder story lines in media -- and this one was handled in a really nuanced way, and I think that's really cool.

I think one reason I didn't like the second season as much as the first, though, is that the first is a real exploration of Nick and Charlie -- with everyone else as a supporting cast. And the second season kind of falls into the pitfall of being a little too bloated as they try to expand on everyone. As well as -- making it about everyone coupling off and less about the friendship. Don't get me wrong, they make sure to show everyone as a supportive group, and that's great, but friendship dynamics just didn't factor as much, and I hate when shows get so caught up in romantic dynamics that that's all it focuses on. Plus, Nick and Charlie almost got pushed to the background of their own story.

I have never read the graphic novels or the web comic so I have no frame of reference -- but Charlie's sister is straight out of a comic strip. I don't know if that works as much on screen, but man you could tell. (I felt that way about early Tao, too.)

The family dynamic stuff of the second season was... fine. But, I really do love Olivia Coleman as Nick's mom. She does a lot with a little.

I like Tao and Elle as characters (and really like that being bi-racial and trans is part of her identity but not her whole character), and while their romance was telegraphed early on, I can't say that I'm all that interested in it. And I feel like across all media, the cliche of one person wanting to choose their career and their romantic partner has to deal with that just feels... tired.

(Honestly - I think there's a story here about how you think you are in love with someone - and you try to date them only to find out you're better friends, is a more interesting angle, but I knew it wasn't going to go that way.)

I do love Tao's mom though. She is a delight and I love her.

Okay, here comes probably my most controversial opinion. I really wasn't a fan of the f/f story. The problem is, unlike Nick and Charlie who get to be nuanced, real characters. The girls identities and story are completely tied to the fact that they are lesbians. They really aren't developed outside of their lesbianism and I find that really unfortunate. I'm glad there is a lesbian couple on the show - I feel like they're underserved in media as a whole, but I really just don't like this story line or these characters very much.

That said - I'm really glad that there's so much f/f friendship on the show, and that there are a lot of instances of females supporting each other.

And then there's Isaac. I really love him as a character, and I absolutely LOVE that they put asexuality on the show -- seriously, as someone who is borderline asexual, it's so, so refreshing to see a teen going through a lot of what I went through as a teen. My one problem is that as the show erases a lot of the friendship dynamics for romantic ones, Isaac gets a little lost. Isaac is on his own? Oh that's fine -- he has his books. Geez, c'mon show. Let him have one conversation with one of his friends about how he feels -- and less of his melancholy, balcony brooding. (Again - there were definitely group scenes where they made sure he was included - but let's face it, Isaac is still a third tier character.)

Okay, and then there's another big issue I had overall, which, again, is less to do with this show, and more to do how certain things are portrayed in teen media. I really kind of hate the notion that your troubles will be your troubles until you find a magic partner who makes all those troubles go away. The world... just doesn't work like that, and you will have so many people in your life who will love and support you, and I wish these shows didn't zero in on romantic relationships to save or fix you. I know the narrative wasn't trying to do this -- but sometimes I roll my eyes when it feels presented that you aren't worthy of being you until someone romantically interested validates you.

The kind of background love story of the two teachers I found amusing. They're both great minor characters -- I would totally watch a show about them. The rugby coach, too, is a fantastic character. I'm glad the adults in this show aren't complete buffoons.

Overall, the show, on a technical level, looks really good. I did love the little added animations that popped up -- in a way to show the graphic novel origins.

So yeah. Look. This sounds like I hated the show when I really didn't. It is very sweet, and I am looking forward to a third season. But I'm being nitpicky of things I've seen over and over in teen media for the past thirty years that, honestly, did detract my viewing pleasure. That said -- I do think stand by what I said earlier in that it's something great for people who are of the correct age, and who are experiencing these stories for the first time. There are so many worse alternatives that I enjoy the fairy tale-esqueness of this one.

#heartstopper #as chosen by you guys

23 notes · View notes

aphroditelovesu · 9 months

Note

Ok, so I know that there are two other asks from me that you've yet to answer, but I have another thought I'd like to share/get off of my chest. You can ignore it if you want...

Just a heads up, it's kinda dark ⚠️

I would be fucking terrified of Roxanna in Reader's position. We know what she can and will do (case and point Stateira and Parysatis) to get what she wants. And depending on how insecure Reader is, she may secretly fear that Alexander would side with Roxanna if things came to a boiling point (ie attempted poisoning, physical altercation etc). No matter how much Alexander says he loves her and only her, Roxanna is the most beautiful woman in Persia, and their marriage makes more diplomatic sense.

This is going to be really dark, but would your Reader ever consider 'taking care' of Roxanna? It's one thing for Reader to only worry about her own hide, but if there are young children involved, well, that changes everything. There is also the matter of Stateira and Parysatis. You've hinted that Reader will become close with them. Perhaps fearing for her children's safety, and wanting to save her friends from a horrible fate, she decides to act?

Idk, my experiences with bullying during High School would probably compel me to strike before I or those I care about get hurt/killed and my background in biology has taught me a few ways to 'handle things' discreetly. Besides, it's not like they did autopsies over 2000 years ago. Also, Cassander had her and her son poisoned after Alexander's death in real life so it could be seen as just ... speeding things up??

So, that was dark, but its past midnight where I am rn, and I needed to get it off my chest before I could sleep. And who better to pester than you?

Thanks for reading!

--O-

I don't judge you, anon. I would also be terrified if it was me in this situation, plus the fact that I'm over 2,000 years in the past, I'd still have to deal with a lot of political shit and yandere. And Roxanna is not going to be easy to deal with.

She is absolutely possessive of Alexander and seeing her history with poor Stateira and Parysatis... Yes, I would be scared as hell, especially if I had children who would be in danger because of her.

Alexander will have a very big role to play in regards to Roxanna and Y/n's relationship, especially during Y/n's pregnancy. One spoiler I will give is: he will not tolerate any threat that may come to Y/n and the twins.

According to some historical sources, one of the reasons, if not the main reason, that Roxanna murdered Stateira was because she was also pregnant with Alexander, and she did not want any threat to her son's position. The plan backfired, however, because Cassander had her and her son killed in the end.

Maybe I'll decide to keep it in fanfic.

About the Reader deciding to deal with Roxanna... I can arrange that, but it will vary from the situation, but yes, our Y/n is smart and she knows what happened or, what should happen. And her being friends with Stateira and Parysatis and pregnant... There are big reasons for her to decide to do something about all of this.

I get it, I was bullied for years and I regret not taking action when I could, but it never really paid off when I decided to do something. What happened last year is a great example of that, but whatever. And I'm studying pharmacy technician and I've learned ways to deal with someone permanently, not that I'm going to do that, but I can always incorporate that into the story.

Mainly because Y/n will have basic knowledge of modern medicine or even more depending on what I choose.

Always feel free to send me your thoughts, anons! I'm happy to read them and answer them, even if sometimes it can take a while! <3

~ Lady L

#ask #o- anon

24 notes · View notes

happysadyoyo · 9 months

Note

can i ask you something? i dont know how to word it without coming off offensive however i am curious as to what trans men think about manhood as a concept. i consider myself to be pro-trans rights but as I've learned more about gender and sex, I've started to interpret male/female binaries as being inherently rape culture compliant (not the individuals who partake in gender/sex as a construct, just the construct itself like as a concept). my question is i understand the whole concept of positive masculinity but also i genuinely cannot come up with any set of qualities that are inherently and only masculine (also have the same problem with feminine qualities). like every man (not just trans, cis too) who wants to deconstruct masculinity ends up sounding a little sexist to me because i just do not know how something like idk "protectiveness" can be seen as only masculine. the way i view gender (and sex) honestly is mostly as a relic of the past but i dont know if this line of thinking is transphobic or not. bcuz i dont want trans people to not exist or not be trans, i welcome it while humanity is in this transitional period but i also think that gender neutrality is/should be the norm. i hope this wasnt offensive or anything, you dont have to respond or anything i just would like to know more i guess and understand better.

Well, luckily I'm able to read things in good faith, regardless of the actual words used. It's hard to discuss things sometimes without coming across as a dolt, especially if you're struggling with a concept as complex as gender identity.

I've been going back and forth on how to reply to this because I could like. Respond with a detailed breakdown but I'm not sure it'll help you, not really.

Because look at how you write. You're coming at this from like this inherent idea that men as the villains. Rape culture is a particular tell, as rape culture focuses on women as victims and minimizes/erases male victims. Meanwhile, since 2008, when I first became truly aware of how often women are victims of assault and harassment, the statistics on male victims have been slowly creeping up to meet female statistics. Rape culture is also a phrase I personally find adjacent to SWERF rhetoric, as they have this idea that all sex work is inherently rape, regardless of the actual autonomy of the women (never the men) in the situation.

You also focus on how masculinity and men deconstructing gender come across as sexist, with little thought to how women are just as sexist when it comes down to it. There are a lot of problems within feminism, and it's something we see clearly as they constantly have to redefine what a woman is as they acknowledge (or refuse to acknowledge) the different experiences of womanhood.

I'm not blaming you for this. Feminism makes dissecting womanhood and villainizing manhood the default for almost all discussion, and there's been a lot of work done to allow for a diverse array of women to exist in the world. Masculinity and manhood though, it's hard to pull it apart from the villainization that's been done to it. Because honestly, it's easier to demonize men than it is to deal with the fact the reality that the true villain is the very societal framework we exist in (capitalism).

I realize I'm probably not making all that much sense right now. But while I largely agree with you that we are heading down the long and arduous path of decoupling the idea of gender entirely from existence, becoming something we may choose for ourselves rather than something given to us at birth, I disagree with how your thought patterns betray your current biases.

Trans men, and indeed men at large, are not a monolith, nor are women or nonbinary people or agender or genderqueer identities. We are all at the faults of whatever framework we approach it from, and largely the group I am part of speaks from a very Western idea of gender. The fun part, though, is deciding what your gender means to you. Which is why I do see myself as a protector, very stereotypical, but I love glitter and silly and goofy bright musicals and magical girl stuff. I don't wear skirts or dresses, but maybe I'll pick a romper. And I work very very hard to see more than just my side of a story and don't try to make a list of "what is wo/man" cause honestly, I don't see the point.

This is my positive masculinity. I wonder what my followers see as theirs.

#transandrophobia #transgender #transsexual #transmisogyny #trans man #nonbinary #exorsexism #trans woman #agender #genderqueer #idk what else to tag this is I'm due in class

17 notes · View notes

literaphobe · 5 months

Note

hello!! i remember you said a while back that you liked rick and morty! just wanted to know what you thought of this last season because im a fan of the show too :]

oh thank god and also jesus HI ANONNN I’ve been dying to talk about rick and morty. I’m so so SO obsessed w the finale like I’m still thinking about it and can’t wait to rewatch. did u know I’ve been watching this stupid show since 2014? I’m a NINE YEAR LONG Rick and morty fan. I can’t believe one of the only shows I’ve been EARLY to watching is goddamn Rick and morty. ok back to the finale

i have been FROTHING at the mouth RABID and WAITING for diane content. it’s crazy to me that diane was like. a part of rick’s backstory that they didn’t have from the start but the fact that she existed and the place she had in his life made him go from random asshole grandpa who’s a megagenius dickhead that cares more than he’ll admit to All Those Things BUT a man who’s madly in love with his wife…

i think about the tragedy of it all sometimes and how it could have easily been this super generic Yeah Yeah Guy Has A Dead Wife Thing whatever BUT the way we found out she was ERASED FROM EVERY UNIVERSE? he was the ORIGINAL Rick who had his wife killed. The other dudes just like. Idk. i guess she just vanished for them. and because of his grief he invented the very item he rejected -> inter dimensional portal gun. only to be unable to find even a VERSION of her that exists

and he’s like. despite his flings and exes and people he fell in love with (birdperson and unity) it’s become so much more evident especially in recent seasons that diane is his whole sky and stars and he’s so madly in love with her that. Rick prime calls him the WIFE GUY. and when we found out the AI running his garage and car is modeled after Diane’s voice… HE CANNOT LET GO -> she haunts the narrative

and then when we saw diane in Morty’s version of the hole? it was so fascinating bc her portrayal is like something that u can hate or love all u want! u can choose to believe that diane was similar to/exactly like how morty envisioned her to be, or u could think she was entirely different, and you’d have basis for it. she’s shrouded in mystery still but at the same time we’re learning more of a version of her. and because morty knows Rick so well you just KNOW that how hole!rick behaved around hole!diane WOULD be how actual Rick would be like. because that was him!! a guy so deeply in love with his wife and family that he didn’t care about traveling the multiverse. he just wanted to spend time with her :(

this show that started from a place of random cynicism became this like. found family of family members who aren’t exactly from the same universe but are the family u choose and love and all that? yeah anyway i really really hope we get more diane content ALSO um summer content ❤️ i want more summer development

Idk if i want real diane to be brought back or the omega device to unerase her bc the whole point of Rick’s arc is that he has to deal with losing diane and become a better person and get healthier etc etc but… i am interested to see what else we get. NEXT SEASON I GUESS. cries forever

oh also when he ran back to the hole after hearing morty saw diane in there? and his face dropping when he internally reminds himself she still wouldn’t be REAL and it’s just not something he would survive probably. and he takes a picture of MORTY OUT OF HIS WALLET and pins it to the board of people who survived the hole :((((((( HE HAS A PICTURE OF HIS GRANDSON IN HIS WALLET BC HES THE MOST SENTIMENTAL RICK EVER .

#ask #rick and morty #rick and morty s7 spoilers #i have so much to say about this show tbh

9 notes · View notes

nahalism · 6 months

Note

Whats your perspective on ghosting? I understand people go through things and we might not have the capacity to speak to people or there is this thing where people lose interest, that’s something I get too. But i still feel Iike there should be some type of communication, regardless of the duration of the relationship. maybe that’s too entitled of me? what do you think?

i dont think its too much to expect or entitlement at all. more like common courtesy (which is not so common).

i think, despite the reasons you already listed, ghosting has a lot to do with people who are avoidant, and don't know how to resolve or deal with confrontation/conflict. they may (rightly or wrongly) assume that 'safe relationships' wont include the incompatibility or kind of conflict they're experiencing with the person they ghost from, orrr they may assume rejection, abandonment or failure in their relationships & either lack the tools to fix them or hold the belief that something fractured cant be fully healed (usually cause they've never seen/experienced it before). if they reach that axis of growth and choose to run, its cause they arent ready and cant give you the closure that you deserve without further opening that wound for themselves. if they leave because they feel that the situation just isnt it for them, the lack of closure could be a consequence of them already having detached themselves along the way, so by the time they've mentally/emotionally left the equation they no longer felt the same need to physically enforce that closure as they perceive theyre reason for having nothing left to say for being obvious.

idk. either way, i guess the pain of the ghosting all depends on the depth of the relationship. on the one hand i think ending things properly (not abruptly and not in an overly drawn out way either), is an act of kindness. however its also its easy to villainise ghosters when sometimes its something to be thankful for. its better to know where you stand with someone even if its nowhere at all, and sometimes the more brutal the realisation, the better because it bursts the bubble of illusion you would have otherwise been under. — if someone wants to get their shit together to fix a situation gone left, trust me they will. if they dont, is that really someone u want to hold a prime position in your life? probably not. its all natural selection

#ask

10 notes · View notes

somegiantmess · 8 months

Text

Someday I'd like to draw some comic about my experience of becoming very aware and informed of the state of our planet and our living conditions (and how everything is tied with political choices at the end of the day).

All those feelings I can't explain would be easier said with just some doodled scenes.

It would also be my personal path through it. People live it differently, even if some things are going to be similar. But I've always been a ball of stress and anxiety; and as such, they're obviously part of how I live this awareness.

It's been three years, and every now and then I still find myself unable to share when I feel alone in this. When I'm facing daily life situations where there's a problem with what we're doing or choosing to do but I'm, like, the only one seeing/thinking about it. And there's the fear that if I say something, I'll be seen as the annoying, aggravating person.

And those times when a situation or a topic makes me real uncomfortable, or even anxious, ecologically-wise, but it's transparent for the others; family included. They may have no idea that said topic can make me anxious, or maybe don't care so much, maybe they would even think I'm overdoing it with all this anyway? Again, I don't want to be the party boomer, so most of the time I don't say it and stay anxious on my own.

I think those are the worst. Sometimes my social anxiety may be harder to deal with than my projections for the future (which are still hard to imagine while we're not there, you know). Because if people, here and now, don't see the problem and don't see what needs to change to the level required, those projections are bound to happen, you know?

If we were all (or almost) going on the right path, it would open the way to hope. But having to talk to people, convince them, especially when the change needed may touch to some extent our personal lives/beliefs/dreams/interests? It goes not only into technical and science and datas talk, but also very much into political and personal talk. And that's terrible for me, who fear that people will hate me over the tiniest thing.

So anyway idk sometimes I just imagine the kind of scene I could draw about my most common anxiety in common situations. And that with this I could at least, idk, tell the people around me how I feel in some situations through a smoother, easier medium for me (and even maybe for them).

And at the same time, I would do better to use this time and effort to work on a (maybe) more useful project on those topics. That's probably the best choice to help myself in the end.

Yep I ranted about all that just to conclude that I won't do it (but at the same time who knows!)

#trs life #doing the things in my reach are the only things i can do #even if i dream everyday that this isn't true #eco-anxiety

7 notes · View notes

misc-obeyme · 19 days

Note

Cc, In your professional opinion, should Ace/Azrial be kidnapped to the celestial realm or should they go willingly? By willingly I mean Ace made Michael promise to never attack devildom while he was there.

Btw, I posted lesson 16 of my OC insert series. It was my sixth post. I was gonna make it my sixteenth post but that would take some dragging out I was too lazy to do.

Azrial and Ace get their bodies separated so while Ace is falling in love Azrial was too but with another angel named Oliver. They are seen as twins because they technically are but if we go by the actual backstory of the two Ace is older by like 5-6 years. But Azrial did start out as an imaginary friend to cope so... Idk.

Anyways, drink water and eat food (I say as I have been skipping breakfast and lunch).

Bows for barb

My professional opinion?? I wouldn't say my opinion about anything is professional lol (not unless you ask me about something related to my day job).

But I kinda think it depends on the circumstances, right? For instance, you said Ace made Michael promise to never attack the Devildom while he was there. That's a pretty compelling reason to go willingly. If Ace is aware of this condition or somehow convinced that he can make Michael promise it to him, he might choose to go willingly.

However, you could also write it in a way where he's kidnapped, but the deal still happens. Like once he's there, he realizes this is his chance to prevent further conflict between the two realms and he convinces Michael to make that promise anyway.

The real question you have to ask yourself when making plot decisions like this is how does it change the story?

Plot-wise, it's fairly easy to make things happen. You have full control of the story, so what you say goes. What changes more significantly is character arcs and character relationships.

Being kidnapped is traumatic and if Michael was behind it, then Ace is not going to trust him fully, possibly ever.

Whereas if he was given the choice, he might still not trust Michael, but the chance of trust is there. The relationship is a little less fraught than it would be if Michael kidnapped him.

So you get to decide based on how you want their relationship to go. If you want Ace to distrust Michael from the start and for that to be a constant in their interactions, let him get kidnapped. If you want them to be friends and even if they start out with some distrust, they come to trust each other later, then probably better to go with no kidnapping.

This isn't to say that you can't write a story in which Ace still ends up trusting Michael after having been kidnapped. It's just going to take some additional stuff where Michael proves that he's trustworthy despite being a kidnapper.

And of course details like these can change drastically depending on the characters themselves. For instance, if Ace is naturally distrustful Michael might have to prove himself no matter which way he went.

But inevitably, there's going to be a tension between kidnapper and kidnapped that wouldn't be there if the choice was made more willingly.

Sometimes I decide stuff like this based on vibes alone lol. Because as you can see, you can make just about anything in a story happen. So if I've created a character and I'm trying to decide what I want them to do, I think about what that character is most likely to do. I let them react to each situation in my mind and choose the one that feels most interesting.

Hmm well despite not having a professional opinion, apparently I had a long one lol. But I could talk about story mechanics all day.

It's interesting that Ace and Azrial end up with their own separate bodies. I kinda think if Azrial is part of Ace, they would be the same age. But that's just the way I think about it! I like the idea of them being considered twins, too.

Also, no skipping meals! It's always better to eat a little bit if you can.

#anyway I didn't mean to ramble so much lol #but this is just kinda how I think about this stuff #obey me oc #bows for barb anon #misc answers

4 notes · View notes

drewsaturday · 2 months

Text

Oversensitivity About My Major hours

i know the backlash to business majors tends to be for like... stock bros who want to take over their daddy's company or see wages as a game, rather than the rest of us just doing it for survival purposes, but sometimes i do wanna shake ppl by the shoulders and point out a few things lmao.

business degrees, at least in the US, are some of the cheapest and most widely accessible fields to major in. every college that's known for being available online, cheap, and with options that make it easy for adults who already have to work, all at least have a business administration degree option, if not others in that field.

leaning on that, the kinds of jobs that are more accessible are ones with remote work options, and business degree jobs fall into that. i'm not going to major in something with entirely in-person job prospects when i can't go places in-person.

there is a certain level of privilege to be able to major in something you actually like, if your interests don't align with computer science or whatever. if i had any financial stability in my family (or more interesting online/cheap options) i would also go for the stuff i'm actually passionate about. but liberal arts degrees don't exactly pay well nor are they very conducive to avoiding student loans. if i majored in something i actually like i would be fucking myself over. if you're like me and are instead choosing to fuck yourself over for the sake of passion, cool! love that for you and i do genuinely hope it works out. but maybe examine the resentments you're forming to people who are trying to give themselves a better chance of survival as a way to distract yourself from how hopeless your own future now feels.

and while you can obviously take an occasional marketing class now and then regardless of your actual major, if you are in a creative industry you have to at least acknowledge that you're completely fucked if you don't know how to market yourself or track your business finances. if you don't get hired at a big business and have to rely on tiktok to get customers and clients, you're going to live long enough to become the #Girlboss you hate.

idk why this gets to me so much since i would rather be majoring in something else, but i guess that's kinda why it does get to me, which means i should probably chill out and join the bandwagon because i'm also suffering as a result of business degrees being propped up over everything else.

and i'm sure if i were lucky enough to be an in-person student actually meeting and dealing with other people in my major i would hate business majors too.

and a lot of other things come into play, like how we shouldn't Have to sacrifice income for pursuing our passions, or how you can still learn about business principles while in a different industry.

but... sometimes i think those attitudes mow over how many problems could be avoided if your favorite minecraft youtuber had an HR department for their server instead of having 0 understanding of what it takes for a proper business to run, because at the end of the day all the fun shiny exciting creative endeavors people want to make jobs out of do necessitate an understanding of paying taxes.

#txt #again i know it is more about the kind of person that willingly goes into that field #more than criticisms about the field itself or people like me #but it gets soooooooooo annoying so here we are

2 notes · View notes

electricbluebutterflies · 3 months

Note

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love 🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now 🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?

already answered here but the short version is I don't actually remember

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

I'm on my laptop and emojis aren't an option... also what the hell is a longer WIP, everything I've turned out lately has been "how much of a ficlet can I write in 30 minutes"... I do have a bigger idea I'm batting around but I do NOT know what emojis I'd pick for that, maaaaybe a snake but otherwise idk...

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Unusually for me, I actually HAVE been reading a lot of fic lately for various babes and all of it has been really good / honestly choosing just one is hard but let's go with these are the hands of fate because the amount of emotions I have had off something under 400 words // I am a nice bisexual woman with a hand kink and this is what I didn't know I've wanted for like two and a half years...

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?

Lol, I feel like I write more than I should / I definitely prioritize fic-writing over other things I could (and probably should) be doing. I've been writing a lot more lately because emotional uncertainty and that's how I get through!

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

Grad school is going fairly well / my research area is So Good for me (and also going to influence sooo much of my fic going forward and yes this is intentional / I want those sides of my life to be in conversation with each other and I CAN do that and I'm so excited), I did not get seriously hurt last weekend and the bruises are fading, and I am conveniently off work on drunk-wildife-Nascar-day / I get to spend today doing fun things instead of wrangling huskies with anxiety.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer’s block and low creativity

If a fic isn't working after batting it a bit, sometimes the solution is to switch perspectives. My writing style is SO focused and internalized and sometimes I guess wrong on which babe is having a more interesting time in whatever scene I'm writing. (A ficlet I did last night that will post via queue in like two weeks, for example... I like where it went with the perspective I chose, but it would've worked just as well / maybe even better through the other babe's eyes.) For more general burnout... finding a new shiny to be obsessed with helps. I've cultivated a very specific ship type in part because it lets me keep a list of "don't have brainspace for them YET but if I need a distraction here's a few easy ones" and there are a few babes that have been on that list for years just waiting for me to need them.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

I was going to try to link a gifset here but we are NOT dealing with 2014!me today sooo... let's just say a scene in a show I was very into at that point with a character I identified with maybe a little too much, and that era ended ages ago but it was always a really vague reference and I decided to keep the username because it's CUTE.

#ebf ask games

2 notes · View notes

alyjojo · 3 months

Text

March 🌞 2024 Monthly - Capricorn

Preshuffle: Something you see or hear at/regarding work hits you in a way that, it hurts! Really hurts your feelings, but you also don’t know if it should or if someone *meant* to hurt your feelings. Were they even talking about you? You don’t speak up so you don’t know. Some of you have a crush on someone at work and it’s that person, for others it could be something regarding how someone looks. Or maybe you, again you don’t know. You’re worried maybe someone doesn’t like you at all.

Meditation: Short & sweet but cute as hell. Your door, was on the floor, and I had to “drop in” to get in, but it was made of ice cream sandwich. The actual door was. So I dropped in & took a bite of your door and you chuckled, cut off the piece I bit (germs hello) and replaced that spot, good as new. I asked what was this for and your eyes kinda sparkled when you said “I’m drawing them in.” Really, with ice cream? Yes! You knew what you were doing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Main energy: The Hermit

Oracles being Trap (connected to and mimicking 4 Swords), Self-Love, Principle, and Illness at the bottom which refuses to not be acknowledged - so it’s important. The Hermit is clarified by The Devil, and this energy is better than ice cream any day ijs. Or is that the trap? 🤔 Whooo I heard that and gasped 😱 it gave me goosebumps! Ok I don’t like that…moving on. Not for everyone, definitely for someone. For some of you, illness or addiction may be involved, health on some level. The Hermit goes inward, these are things you’re privately working through, taking a hard honest look at yourself and your own issues. Or…setting a trap for someone with that behavior, maybe you’re suspicious of someone proven as a Devil but acting as if they’ve changed. Have they though? You’re going deep within to figure that out - alone. Because these two cards specifically tackle codependency and breaking free from that - however it’s affecting you. A person, an addiction, a mindset, something that’s kept you in chains or threatens to? At the bottom is a lot of work, literally could be work, or you’re putting more into yourself independently because it’s necessary. Self care, healing, sleeping better, could be medical issues too.

What’s going on in March:

4 Swords:

Some of you are just done with love, the last experience probably kicked your butt, you have inner work to do and don’t want anyone else getting in the way of that. If you’re choosing to be alone, then you mean business, it’s not something you can be coerced with. The Emperor sets boundaries, and at the bottom of the deck there’s a pattern of abandonment, either in you or towards you, you realize this isn’t healthy and you’re actively taking steps to work on bettering yourself. Good for you 👏 Some of you may be dealing with a father figure / ex spouse perhaps, they could be dealing with health problems and want to make amends for past transgressions. This may be you too, if you have health issues (could just be sick sometime this month), then someone you’ve not been getting on well with could use this as the opportunity to “take care of” you and relight a spark. Do nice things. Idk if it actually is a trap or you just see it that way, what I get from someone else seems genuine. Judgement at the bottom is a hard review of past decisions & everything that’s happened, someone is sorry. Victory under that. Whether you believe them or not…🤷‍♂️ Could be you with the same energy, swooping in to save the day, or that was the intention. The trap.

Queen of Swords:

Clarified by Ace of Swords, 3 Pentacles, The Empress at the bottom. Likely a partner or parents. Great cards coming out so far, I was kinda expecting more doom & gloom, but no. For some of you it could literally be a Hermit mentality that’s becoming toxic, people want you around, likely your parents if that’s the case, could be grandparents, aunt/uncle or aunt/aunt idc, a pair you’re close (ish) to. The more feminine energy of the pair is the one trying to get you to come around, calling you, sending you some kind of news or invite, maybe for a coming holiday, it’s their excuse to see you again. Could be an ex if you’ve recently split, or your partner if not. They’re not being emotional at all, but they’re communicating to you with a sense of fairness, honesty, all positive cards at the bottom of the deck, this person sees you warmly & feels good to be around you 😊 They could ask for your help with something, also as an excuse, but I’m seeing it’s not manipulative or anything, they just want to work together. The image I’m getting is my own grandma calling my dad every year to set up her window air conditioner. She genuinely needed it but she liked asking *him*. Was it a “trap” yeah and also, go see Grandma 😆

If this is a private thing, both of these may be your energy and you’re separating yourself from just about everyone, seeing the truth of a matter, a cycle, and setting up strict rules & boundaries with anyone interacting with you going forward. Self-Care 💜 You’re not going to argue, it’s not drama, it’s you knowing what you need or don’t need, what’s good and bad for you, raising your standards. Probably because you’ve experienced the bad stuff, or you’re more intellectual with all of these swords, I don’t see emotions really appealing much to you. “Love” is a trap, but teamwork is essential.

Judgement:

Your attitude towards a reconnection of some kind is just not enthused at all. It’s like you don’t even care…could be a lack of emotions showing up as “illness”. I’m not a doctor so, no examples, I’m not even seeing any. Devoid of a deeper emotional connection, or enough experience with something to know better. Judgement feels like actual judgement, a reconnection is available for someone but most are internalizing and keeping to themselves. Whatever wants to reunite, you don’t. Or they don’t. Mostly because there are heavy emotions involved, hidden at the bottom, and they’re not being talked about. If you address it, you’re going to feel it, and if you feel it, you’re just going to be sad. So you stay alone and don’t, you don’t have to care in this headspace, you just work and focus on what’s in front of you. Comfortably Numb - is what I heard. The Devil.

For those where reconnecting doesn’t apply, you’re considering your work, everything you’ve been applying effort to, and you feel trapped either way. If you stay, you feel blocked, like things will never change, you could/should be appreciated more but you’re not. If you go, you’re just going to be sad you left and things are going to get worse, doom & gloom, there it is. The Devil 👿 Negative perceptions that keep you stuck, even if they’re based off of real things or past experiences, The Fool is something brand new, it’s not *the same* experience. Some of you realize this and may be seeking clarity on these mental judgements or behaviors even that keep you stuck. Probably privately, I’m not seeing a counselor here, but if it exists you recognize it. Someone may have flat out told you with this Queen of Swords energy.

Strength:

Strength conquers The Devil, that’s what you want to see, by refraining to be trapped, engage, or deal with anything involving this behavior - even in yourself. Re-tuning your own mind, if it jumps to the negative conclusion, questioning your own self. Now why would I think that? Oh, because I’m conditioned to. It isn’t easy, some of this may have come from parents in the first place (even well-meaning or healthy ones). The Hanged Man clarifies, so not only is your magnifying glass to yourself and your own bs, but Judgement with this row shows you’re also studying those around you and gauging where certain behaviors or beliefs may have come from. Why am I like this?? Essentially. The deeper motivations of people. Very powerful energy this month, heavy major arcana. Principle in your oracles show that this is based on a personal moral/belief system for you. Regardless of what others have taught, said, think, whatever, for YOU this is a spade, I’m allergic to spades. No spades by me. You can like spades and that’s fine but keep that shit over there because no. Or whatever it is.

At the bottom is a couple again, could be a person, could be parents. You don’t want to connect to the emotion attached to this situation, it’s *pure* logic, and you think emotions are the trap. Love is a trap. But there is very deep love here, whether for parents, a spouse, a whoever they are. All Cups, the matching Cups pair, could be your soulmate even. It’s like you don’t see that or don’t want to, it’s easier to make decisions from an intelligent and moralistic viewpoint than letting emotions get involved because then things get messy. Deep down it’s like you love something deeply and have sadness or regret, but it’s buried under all of this maturity belief system bs, and it’s like yeah okay whatever AND, you love them. Period. Whoever. Whatever. /avoid

If it’s work, you may not see how much people actually care for and appreciate you. Closest thing to love, you are a valued member of a team even if others don’t always show it. Some of you need to stop being so logical and check in with your heart. Are you happy? Do you love this thing you do? Do people appreciate you? Is it actually toxic or no? You’re ignoring the emotion part of decision making, it can look great on paper all the way down the page and you still hate it or love it so - that matters 💯

6 Swords:

Moving away from drama, but clarified by The Hermit it seems more like moving away from Hermit energy. Page of Cups at the bottom can be a surprise, an invitation, flirty energy even. The Star follows as healing, a light in the dark to show you the way. Lucy from Indigo shows a friend. Someone is going to message you, and it may freak you out at first because you’re living in a cave or something, but it actually turns out well. It gets you out of your head (for a minute anyway) so you can see things differently. You only feel stuck. Maybe you were meant to be stuck to realize some shit. But you’re not “meant to be stuck” forever. Someone else’s love or kindness can trigger you to be nicer to yourself, and let go of some of these negative perceptions about the world, life, love, emotion, etc. If work, someone is likely to surprise you and make things better then even you thought they’d be. Love can access things that logic can’t, because nothing about love is logical. Doesn’t have to be romantic either, someone giving off love towards you, could be a sweet stranger, it doesn’t matter but it’s going to inspire you.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Virgo, Capricorn, Libra, Leo & Aquarius

Oracle: ✨

38 Growth 🪴

This situation or time is one of rapid growth. The seeds that have been planted have germinated and taken root. Go with the flow of this growing time. You may find people and situations falling away from your life, as now they do not serve who and what you are becoming. It may be that your vibration no longer resonates with theirs. It’s okay, wish them well, be grateful for what they brought to you and you to them, and send them on their way. Room has now been made for new experiences, people, and situations to help you to your next level. If you are not feeling this shift right now, be prepared because it will soon come to pass.

Trap 🪤

Victim - Allure - Trick

Self-Love ❤️

Self Concern - Self Healing - Independence

Principle ⛪️ - Sagittarius Saturn

We enter into March as:

Final Sunset 🌅 :

“A life has come to its spectacular conclusion.”

This is a reminder to cherish all of the beauty in your life, including endings. Spirit embraces you and the loss you are aware of at this time. When we watch a day’s sunset, we can recognize the beauty of an ending. All things have a completion, even life. This is the end of a long journey. It is a time to reflect on your part of history, and discover what you value most. This could be a long emotional road ending, or simply a project at work that took a lot of effort and time. Too often we look to what is “next”, and miss the spectacular beauty of the finale. Do not fear the completion. Stay in the now, cry, laugh, reflect. Be with the fullness of your experience.

What is to be learned in March:

Lucy From Indigo 💟:

“I’m so glad you’re in my life.”

If this card has come to you, then you’ve been graced with a connection and you are most fortunate. One of the most valuable assets in our lives is friendship. This is a reminder to be grateful for the people in your life, this itself raises our vibration to a higher level. If you are unhappy in any relationships, Lucy is a reminder that it is always in our power to change it. Whatever lack you are feeling in your life, if you give that to others, you will receive the very thing you feel deprived of. The time is now to become what we want to become. If you are withholding from anyone it is you who will suffer the consequences. Be the example and live this day with gratitude. Kindness is contagious. In order to be who we want to be, we must simply be that person, there is no mystery to being a good person. Good people do good things.

Purple may be a lucky color 💜

#Capricorn #astrology #monthly tarot reading #march 2024 #monthly #tarot #Spotify

5 notes · View notes

whentherewerebicycles · 1 year

Text

snuggling with my worried little girl & doing some IUI-related thinking under the cut

okay I’m on cycle three (well technically cycle four but with only three actual IUIs performed) and I’m starting to do some thinking about next steps if this cycle doesn’t work. here we go:

I decided when I started that I’d try up to six rounds of IUI before moving on, and I think somewhere in that range is still the plan at the moment (though I could see myself choosing to change gears after four or five).

I feel a little less enthusiastic about my clinic after four months! I don’t blame them at all for things not working yet (the chances each time are so small) but I do feel like they’re not always the best about scheduling and not the best about communicating with me about the choices available to me. I feel like I’m often coming in with various studies indicating that this or that approach might be better and asking them to help me reason through the process… and then instead of explaining anything or giving advice they’re like sure we’ll do whatever you want, with no real discussion or follow-up about it. idk I am sympathetic to how annoying it is to be a trained professional who has to deal with patients coming in with ideas they read about on the internet or whatever, but also I’m not trying to get them to say yes to whatever I ask for? I guess what I’m trying to get is some insight into how they make clinical decisions and some evidence that they’re adjusting or tailoring their approach based on me as an individual patient. idk I just sometimes get the feeling that their philosophy is “this whole thing is random as hell and you can’t control it so let’s just do whatever and hope we get lucky,” which I think is not an inaccurate take on the whole IUI process but is also hard to hear when I’m spending like $15-20k out of pocket on this medical procedure. idk what I want from them bleh. I’m loath to switch clinics because I’ll to pay all the consultation and exam fees again but I also don’t want to get into sunk cost fallacy territory so idk. here’s what I think I’ll do: I have this list of questions I want to discuss if this cycle fails. if I don’t feel like I’m getting good answers or if it doesn’t seem like there’s much of a plan B, I’ll probably do one more cycle with them and then look for a different practice.

I am also starting to think about whether or not I am open to IVF. when I started this process I wanted to be really conscious of the way that it can funnel you towards expensive, high-tech interventions because you’ve got Biological Baby tunnel vision and you’ve also invested a lot of yourself (financially and emotionally) in trying to make this work. at the time I was like I think I want IVF to be my line in the sand—like, I don’t want to spend that much money and I don’t want having a biological child to be that important to me. I do feel like that’s shifted a bit over the past four to six months. I think I am more open now to trying a single IVF cycle… and that makes me wonder if I should think about escalating to the higher-tech option sooner rather than continuing to pour $2000+ a month down the IUI drain. an IVF cycle will cost me about $14,000, but a number of clinics near me have partial money-back guarantees if you don’t conceive (which mitigates the financial risk at least a little bit, if not the emotional stuff involved) and I could potentially apply for a loan or open a 0% APR credit card and plan to pay off $1200ish a month for a year. if I skip tries five and six with IUI, I could save up to $4000 and apply that to the IVF bill instead, plus I wouldn’t have to buy new donor sperm.

HOWEVER I do worry about the physical and emotional toll of IVF! it seems like it’s pretty hard on your body and that can make it feel even more crushing if it doesn’t work. I also just honestly have some mixed feelings about investing all that money in having a biological child when fostering or adopting have always been routes that I’m interested in and open to. there are a lot of kids who need good stable loving homes! I think I could be a good stable loving parent to a single child or to a number of children in the foster care system! I don’t judge anyone for pursuing IVF for any reason, but the single parent by choice thing means I’m obviously not deeply emotionally invested in having a biological child with my partner. and that makes me feel a little bit like… is the idea of being genetically related to my child or having the experience of carrying a baby so important to me that I would say ‘sorry, I NEED to spend all this money and forego these other viable options.’

I uhhh may also need to spend some time unpacking how much of my hesitance around moving right to fostering/adoption has to do with concerns about my mom. we have multiple adoptees in our extended family and yet I just feel like every time I bring up the option she jumps in with some horror story about a family who adopted a kid with such severe behavioral disorders it ruined their entire lives or whatever (please note that this is all filtered through her telling and is probably not how the family themselves would describe their relationship to their child!!). I also feel like there have been lots of little unconscious microaggressions around race (like not understanding why a biracial adoptee who could ‘pass’ for white would feel a strong desire to connect with the non-white parts of her ethnic/cultural identity) and class (lots of unexamined assumptions about the presumed intelligence of my potential biological child vs. potential adopted child). I know these are things we could work through but I feel kind of exhausted just thinking about it… like my god didn’t I just spend ten plus years navigating a whole lot of painful misconceptions and microaggressions around sexuality for us to finally get to a kind of healthy equilibrium… it’s just really tiring to think about being back in that defensive crouch while also dealing with all the work and emotions of first-time parenting. and it really hurts me to imagine her unintentionally making my foster kid or my adopted kid feel shamed or judged in some way, or given a little bit less room to be their own person than my siblings’ biological kids. like she would never ever do that on purpose but you can obviously still do damage without meaning to and idk agh I can feel how tense I’m getting just thinking about it!! aghhhh but then I also need to think about how trying to manage her emotions has led me to make decisions that have caused me and others pain (like never bringing home anyone I date & never talking to her about my relationships). idk clearly this is a fraught thing I need to spend some more time unpacking.

but okay—I think this is where I’m at right now.

I will try cycles 3, 4, and maybe 5 of IUI at the same clinic, potentially making adjustments to dosage and monitoring to see if we can get the timing closer. I may also do the more expensive test to see if there’s anything going on in my reproductive organs that would be physically inhibiting me from conceiving.

I will also begin exploring cost and financing options for IVF (and may do a consultation to talk through the options with someone). this might change depending on what I learn, but I feel open to doing one round of IVF.

and if that doesn’t work… I want to begin researching fostering licensure and the routes to adoption… and I also will want to sit down and have a compassionate but firm talk with my parents about what that path would entail. I would obviously want to think a lot more about what that conversation would encompass, but I do know that I would want to set pretty clear boundaries & would ideally want them to commit to doing some of the reading and reflective prep work along with me so that we’re all a little more prepared and sensitive/thoughtful and have a little more of a shared vocabulary for talking about identity and the effects of trauma on kids. phew. at least I have a while still to think about that.

8 notes · View notes

phantom-does-a-thing · 1 year

Note

for the ask game: 32 13 26 29 24 11 34 17 18 5 35 30 33 39 16 31 68 10 7 19 3 36 50 20 4 21 12 25 28 15 38 1 23 37 9 27 2 14

tee hee

SCREW YOU I AM ANSWERING THEM IN THE ORDER YOU SENT THEM.

32) How do you feel about smut? I am asexual so its kind of nasty to me but I also have morbid curiosity

13) What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across? UH I think the best writing advice I've ever seen is the one about practicing a ton because that's really just what it is. "Write what you want no matter how cringe or if you think no one will enjoy it because there will always be at least one person that will enjoy it" Write for yourself and keep practicing, write whatever you want.

26) Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you? no if you try and make me edit my fics I will kill you

29) If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? I don't know if I would write anything like a continuation of a fic but I do enjoy asking to write something inspiried by other people bc like its silly anyway let me see.

I don't know if I would want to write a continuation to this fic bc the author does it SO well and I don't think I could do it any better but its such a good series that I OUGH

24) Have you ever deleted one of your published fics? yes. I have deleted everything on my fanfiction.net account which I don't remember how many fics was published, about 14 I think but I deleted all of them. I do not want to say what they are on tumblr but Sky, you know

11) Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby? this is my passion I am a writer, I would not be Phantom if not writing, I am a writer first and foremost and a person second

34) What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con? ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK why is this a question

17) Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order? Start to finish usually, sometimes I start writing a scene and then that just becomes the whole fic because then I just don't write an actual beginning to the scenes

18) Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines? no? I do not know what tools these would be

5) Share one of your strengths. descriptions are my favorite thing ever they are my babygirls I love Descriptsions. I also am really good at subtly changing perspectives in the middle of fics, is this a good skill to have? idk it depends on the fic. But I think its cool.

35) Would you ever kill off a canon character? would I kill a character like IN canon or would I kill a canonical character in a fic? bc in canon the only character I would genuinely kill is Filipe bc I hate him so much. But also I have written character death fics, I might write one for bitb but that's just gonna be canon adjacent so not really. I won't normally kill a character outside of it

30) Do you accept prompts? If you do it in the comment of a fic, no I will probably be very annoyed by you. But honestly like yeah sometimes. Mutuals can send me fic ideas at any point in time, I might not write them but like yeah I do accept prompts I just might not write them

33) How do you feel about crack? I don't really like it, I don't hate it but some of it just straight up feels like shock factor for shock factor. I've only w ritten it once and never again.

39) Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them? No, I don't ever actually get hate but I do just get really really weird comments sometimes and I do not understand them and they are just weird

16) If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be? uh oh no. Either Nightmare blunt rotation or polypd

31) Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant? Canon is mere guidelines and I very rarely follow them lol. With Riptide I do not understand canon enough to make a ton of canon adjacent fics, same thing w Prime defenders. I just very rarely understand canon enough to actually w rite something adjacent

68) you are just giving me fake numbers

10) Which fic has been the easiest to write? I don't know like any specific fic, but fluff is very easy for me to write just because it takes the least mental energy to create. It's silly and I like writing it. Usually a good bit of my fluff fics were probably really easy to write, I cannot remember any specific fic that was easy.

7) Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

Something human (and yet it wasn’t), something alive, something dead (something that wasn’t supposed to be dead or alive), a monster, a spirit, a demon. Something not right, not normal… unfamiliar. Something unsavory, blasphemous, corrupted. Something incomprehensible.

Something that didn’t belong because saturation didn’t belong. Colors didn’t belong because everyone had forgotten what colors are like. Everyone forgets what colors they were supposed to be when the memories were long faded. The only color they ever had was white, the white of bones. The darkness of the churning clouds or the gray of the swaying grass.

And yet. Still, something that did belong. Because it too was a memory, a faded… flickering memory. Its form was so corrupted by the flames it was consumed in that the fading shone differently. It was different. It was unknown. It had no idea where it was supposed to be or what it was supposed to be doing. It didn’t know what it was. Just a flickering mass of something that used to be. An ember, a glowing, blue ember that spreads like droplets of blood in a lake.

A remnant, a memory (a dream created by a much more powerful creature), a ghost, a spirit, a human, a monster, or some unholy blasphemy against god. What was it supposed to be?

Its face was shrouded in a blue that was much too saturated, a color that was too bright. It made it impossible to see its features or what it was supposed to look like. It didn’t even know what it was supposed to look like. Who it was supposed to be. What it was supposed to be. Human? It took the vague shape of a human. But shapes and forms were misleading… shaky… wrong… Formation didn’t make sense here. Anything could pose as a human when there weren’t the same laws to confine them. But it was sure that it was supposed to look human.

What was it supposed to look like? What form was it supposed to take? The flickering blue flames that corrupted it seem to glow a little brighter as if reinforcing their claim over its trembling form.

This isn't my favorite piece of prose because that's a very very hard thing to choose but from this fic which I am genuinely very proud of because I REALLY love this fic and I think that the prose is super fun. I just wanted to make it as spacy and confusing as possible like you do not know what is going on throughout the entirety of it. I also really like the juxtaposition of all the different phrases to describe William because he doesn't know what he is or what he is supposed to be so it's just very very confusing and it's like that on purpose.

19) Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse? ????????? Stephen king is an interesting man. I guess my muse is JRWI bc that's what I've been writing the most fic over I suppose, these characters are my muse.

3) Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole? soulmate aus. I hate it so much

36) Which is your favorite site to post fic? archive of our own

50) you are literally just sending me fake numbers bestie

20) Describe your perfect writing conditions. Average temperature, not to warm, not too cold, a nice cushioned chair and possibly a blanket, my water bottle within reach and nothing in my body hurting ever because it will be kind to me, having the blinds open with the sun shining and the window open so I can have fresh breeze

4) How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them? UH quite a few, I constantly have fic ideas in my head I am always thinking of new things to write and new things to do. One of my current ideas that I dont know if I will post is William body horror poking n proding in organs

21) How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting? Usually I don't, I'll just write it, throw it through grammarly and then post it

12) Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more? an episode? Like just any episode of anything? UH?????? I have no idea genuinely. I do not remember any episodes of anything ever. I guess episode 3 of bitb? idk

25) What do you look for in a beta? a non corporeal form (I do not look for a beta)

28) Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much. NYXXXXXXXXXX NYX NYX NYX NYX I love Nyx's writing so so so so so so so much oh my god all of its writing makes me absolutely insane its just sooooo good and I love it dearly. All of its fics are just so soft and theres something so whimsical about the writing style that just makes me ough

PeriPerson VERY Good writing I eat it so much. Something about their wrting just makes me sooo oough its described so well and I love the writing style

Achilleshq MRrrbghghgmmg descriptions so good very very very good Their writing is just ogmuguhghjhx <3

15) If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose? do you recognize the bodies in the water I am just very proud of this fic and I think that it would make a cool film

38) Talk about a review that made your day. Got asked if I ever considered a career as an author and that made me very very happy because YES! I HAVE! That's my dream job and has been since I was a kid and it really made my day to be asked that

1)Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic. characters cuddling, soft touches, over indulgent descriptions, focusing way too much on describing one thing. UHH. Probably only two characters because I have a hard time writing more than that at once.

23) If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why? I would revise my first pjo fic on ao3 because it's like 200 words cuddling fic thats very bad and I want to see how much better I can do because I know how to describe now and I know how dialogue works and I want to see how I could do it differnetly.

37) Talk about your current wips. For the fnaf bitb au I'm planning on at least two more chapters for it with just describing all the spooky stuff happening at night and I am very excited to write it because unlike the games, Rand is not confined to the office and can and will walk around the pizzaria which is gonna be a little silly goofy also the animatronics just make me a little tee hee. This isn't really a WIP because I have no actually writing on paper but I want to write more apotheosis fics

9) Which fic has been the hardest to write? the halloween fic. I don't know why it's so hard but I cannot write it oh my god it haunts me. But if we;'re going off of completed fics that was really hard to write u8h The fic I wrote with the alternate ending to pd ep 10 was also pretty hard just because I couldn't figure out how I wanted to write that or whatever idk I'm so exhausted rn. this fic

27)How do you feel about collaborations? I am not good at working with other people also I don't really know what a collaboration would be or how to do one so. I guess not well? Idk???? I am a solo kind of guy

2) Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to? not really a trope but I think I need to write more toxic relationships it's very interesting to me, that and more smoking fics. I wanna write a shotgunning fic tbh but I just have not gotten around to do that. What else have I not done that I want to do? IDK what tropes are there?????

14) What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across? Something something don't use said or whatever, the show don't tell argument because it's super nuanced and usually any sort of writing advice giving that show don't tell thing is not going to describe in enough detail to actually be beneficial because there are SO Many nuances behind it. Uh, I don't really listen to writing advice because I am self confident and a bit of an egotist when it comes to writing so that's probably it.

I am so freaking tired you can probably see my deteriorating state as this list goes on, I don't even know what one you left off all I know is I am so tired.

#syrup tag #asks #ask games #mutuals #rambling #phever dreams with phantom #liveblogs writing

2 notes · View notes

husbandomail · 2 years

Note

Honestly XY Megas is one of the all time Pokémon mechanics ever.I loved the fact megas was built of trust and love between the trainer and Pokémon.

I know a lot of people want them back(including me) but I don’t think they ever will unless we get a x and y remake which I would love.

I get you with the open world thing cuz I don’t people many if any open world game so sometimes my unfocused brain gets bored if I don’t have direct orders on what to do.

I don’t know if u played arcues but for me Im struggling to complete it idk why but I cuz cant lol so I hope I don’t for this game.

And yes the teams team skull and big bad guzma will all ways be favs becausw of the goofiness.HOWEVER how this was balanced out was with the Aeather paradise plot making it serious when need be and to show a more looming threats hiding underneath.

Team yell was so lazy I don’t even think they gave it more than a minutes thought.To me it was also like they wanted to replicate the vibe of team skull but failed miserably.So I hope they bring it back with this regional evil team and make them super evil again.

And with the badges thing I’m split to be honest. It does make sense for people to do it at different times seeing as they might live closer to that gym and it’s never stated to have an order(like you said with other trainers and brock)but to make it just makes the build up less important?Like I could go to the last first and takes away suspense.Idk to be fair you could do that in let’s go eevee I think?

(God my writing is everywhere lol)

I have a trainsona as well I just cant hack the children thing.it makes the game better imaginging I’m dealing with all this shit and it fun thinking of me and my Pokémon bonding lol.

I just hope the graphics are good and the world looks good instead of blocky.

Now I’m sorry for rambling lol.

I haven't finished Arceus yet either! I'm ruled by my hyperfixations, so when they switched I wasn't really able to keep playing, but now that I'm Back On Pokemon I'll probably get back to it lmao. a friend sent me a shiny Chimchar bc it was my first pokemon, so I'm really excited to have him lmao,, I've also seen plenty of spoilers by now and omg. Giratina is my favorite legendary, I Must See It Again

I get what you're saying about the gyms too! the final gym leaders always feel like strong obstacles bc you've already come so far, they're the last thing standing in your way,, I've felt that same way about the E4, since they've started letting us challenge them in any order? facing Lucian in Diamond definitely felt a lot more intense bc I HAD to fight my way through others to get to him, and I don't mind it in Unova bc it was the first time we could choose the order, but since then it's just been a lil bland imo. But maybe that's also just bc it's been constant too? I wouldn't mind alternating leagues, or being able to challenge them in any order on rematches.

speaking of evil teams and all that. I know very little will ever hit the personal level of "holy SHIT team rocket's boss is the LAST GYM LEADER," and "MY RIVAL IS THE SON OF TEAM ROCKET'S BOSS????" but. I'd love to have more of a personal relationship with the evil team? maybe a rival who gets sick of losing to you, so they join the villains? or a character like Colress, who's only with them for his own reasons and is still clearly interested in you too. again, I do adore N Harmonia, so I'm partial to his role in everything too lmao. a part of me is hoping that the professors end up involved, bc I think it would be super cool.

I do think SWSH had a lot of potential; Rose did have a point, but the story pacing was a total mess. like,, Galar's air is apparently so toxic that the poison-type Weezing gained a regional form to PURIFY the air, they could've done sooo much with the base ideas they have there.

most of this talking is just the Writer Brain I can't turn off though lmao, I love Pokemon more than basically anything and it's been a constant throughout my entire life; I'm beyond excited for these games and I can't WAIT

AND DON'T APOLOGIZE FOR RAMBLING, THAT'S MY LINE LMAO

#asks #not an imagine #anon

3 notes · View notes