electricbluebutterflies
the fragility of life & the fierceness of love
always taking prompts // Alyssa. 30. she/her. occasional writer, professional hot mess.
current ship list || buy headbands so i can watch more shinies
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Jane Yeh, from Discipline
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Anticipatory grief but make it crippling. Make it sudden and intense. Make it an all consuming ocean that pounds you against the hard shore. Make it ice you out from the things you grieve, so much that one day you run out of them. Make it a war of attrition that leaves you gaunt, bloodied, and shell-shocked in muddy trenches. Oh, but remember the hope. (I've forgotten it.) (I know it's there, somewhere (can it shine on me?))
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“did you ever stop and think that maybe just maybe the person you’re looking for is me?” + eddie/chrissy
PG-ish and also on ao3. I haven't written these little bbys in a hot minute and I missed them.
Chrissy floats, after.
It makes an amount of sense. Something happened – she’s still not totally sure what happened – and she spent the end of senior year in the hospital, and now-
She’s not sure who she is anymore, but nothing will ever be the same.
No one from her old life wants to talk to her that summer, she knows that much. The circumstances of the incident are too damning, and she can’t say she blames them, but also screw them all, and-
At least she has the boy who was there when it happened. The boy who most of the nurses thought was her boyfriend, apparently, and she’s pieced together bits of what happened when her consciousness wasn’t reliable and it’s all so sweet and-
Boys like that don’t actually fall in love with girls like her. Chrissy knows how the world works better than that. She’s a little uncertain of herself right now but she can’t imagine she’ll stray too far from what she’s been, whereas he’s…
If she admits to herself that she’s had a secret crush for a couple years, that makes it worse, but she’s ignoring the issue there.
Regardless, there’s also the thing where Eddie is one of the few people in her life who doesn’t treat her weird now, and if anything he’s just… decided to stay present, probably out of some weird sense of obligation but whatever. Chrissy is a little too desperate to question this, and it’s nice to have someone go out of their way for her, ask her to meet him in safe neutral places and they just talk and-
He’s midway through one of his big daydream tangents, mid-afternoon at the overgrown park that’s becoming their spot, and she could listen to him for hours and she has so often and-
Summer is almost over. She’s almost stable enough to start trying to have a normal life again, and she thinks she’d be a decent receptionist since there’s no way she’s going away for college now that she’s fragile, and she doesn’t know what he’s doing and it doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s doing either, and she feels like they’re running out of time, and-
“Did you ever stop and think that maybe, just maybe, the person you’re looking for is me?”
She broke him. That’s her first thought. Eddie Munson, infamous for having no idea when to shut up (among other things), is currently looking at her like some wire got snipped in his brain and-
“Is that… an option?”
She’d kiss him if she thought that’d get her anywhere, and she thinks she’d like kissing him, he wouldn’t be weird about it like other boys, but it would be too soon and sudden and Chrissy has spent most of her life being told not to be that way and-
“Do you want it to be?”
“Weird enough you even hang out with me, so…”
Chrissy laughs, and she knows he thinks she’s extra-cute when she does that and it’s not the point and it’s entirely the point, and-
“You saved my life. Isn’t that already the most fairytale thing you’ve ever heard?”
“You don’t owe me-“
“I know. But it got me thinking about what I want, and… you’re sweet to me, you’re a good person…”
“You really-“
Okay, now she needs to kiss him. She does, most of her body leaning across the picnic table, and it’s awkward in the way that first kisses are always awkward but also fluttery like she’s never really had before and-
“I want that,” she says like it’s the most real thing in the world. “And we can figure out everything else later, and-“
“Okay if I move over there so we can hold hands?”
“Yeah. Please.”
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DAISY JONES & THE SIX
the ladies’ iconic looks: camila
#sooooo this has been the recent watch that i totally didn't plan on#and camila is EVERYTHING#and i have a lot of thoughts and i'm trying to figure out fic ideas#juuuust outside my normal niche but if any of y'all also have Thoughts you should talk at me
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"it's a bit frustrating to how oblivious you are." + jessleto, if possible? thanks! you're my favourite jessica author, love your fics !!!
Mid-era, PG-ish, also on ao3.
She loves him. Core of her life, she loves him. But oh, there are days…
Jessica has done what she needed to survive, and she will not pretend otherwise, and it is challenging to change the course of her actions. The habits she picked up ten years ago when she was unsure about her placement had worked fine then, and by the time it became counter-productive she was too entrenched, and-
She knows the ways she compartmentalizes and represses herself are convenient for her partner. She has accepted the person she has become. She would still be happier if she felt like she got the respect she deserves for her efforts.
Another negotiation cycle has come and gone, another difficult week of fading herself into the background and watching her partner deflect and slowly unravel without her proximity. They need each other; she has accepted this, but not-
“Skies, I thought that would never end.”
They are safe in the quiet of their bedroom, hours later, a different tension than they have under any other circumstance, a different-
“You could have made that happen,” she murmurs.
She knows he won’t. She knows how committed he is to the roles he plays, and that means some things can never be done, or if not never then not for another… if she’s lucky twenty more years, thirty might be more realistic, and oh may they get that time, and-
“It isn’t that simple. You of all people-“
She rolls her eyes, all of her restraint burnt on this difficult week. It hasn’t gotten easier for her, as she’d once hoped it would. If anything each time is worse, and she always listens to how her presence is explained and this time she wasn’t even mentioned as a lover and-
Jessica knows, objectively, that it is probably better for her if few people off-planet know where she sleeps. She also knows that her looks are starting to change if not fade, and that was never her greatest asset but it was still among them, and who is she if she is not pleasing, and-
She is the mother of the heir, she reminds herself, and her partner has never shown the slightest regret for that choice. That at least gives her something.
But it’s still not enough, and they’re never enough, and she feels burning frustration in her and she knows this is a terrible time for it but still-
“It’s a bit frustrating how oblivious you are,” she murmurs, voice even and soft and let this not be a fight, not now not-
“Whatever troubles you-“
“You only confirm my worry. You never see-“
“You never give me a chance! The accusations always start well before-“
“Accusations?” Jessica repeats, almost laughing. “What part of this sounds like-“
“You say I have overlooked something and you refuse to-“
“Did I even exist to you this past week? Was my absence at all-“
He clears the distance between them and kisses her, and she feels all that is not said in the way their bodies move, like water like burning like-
“You were every thought in my mind,” he murmurs, and she knows this is a lie but at least it is with comforting intent. “A phantom limb and you were still there across rooms and-“
“It is easier for me to do what I do if I am-“
“It is as if I only understand how much I need you when I cannot have you.”
This is how they were once meant to be, she reminds herself, but there is such emotion in his voice, longing and adoration and-
“I feel the same. But I still fear…”
“Even if… even if we could not avoid… I would not deny you. Such things are done, it would not be-”
“You speak of scandal so casually, beloved.”
His hands climb her face, fingertips into her loose hair, and she needs this she needs everything she needs-
“Would that be enough for you? If… if there were no other way, if-”
Jessica wants to recoil, and it takes all of her endurance to stay perfectly still where she is, to keep her eyes on her partner, to-
“You wouldn’t do it. You wouldn’t betray me like that. How dare you even threaten-“
“I have no plans to, but you know how we must move for stability, and-“
“Do not give me more fear than I already carry from the love of you.”
She is unsure which of them steadies their body against the other; they will stay close for a long time, she thinks, night into morning, and it will still not be enough, they are never enough, they are-
“It is not safe for us yet,” he murmurs. “You know as well as I do-“
“I will not ask for it. Only that such position does not become anyone else’s while we must wait. Is that fair enough?”
He answers with a kiss, delicate, what their voices do not say their bodies always do and-
“I will do as I can, my storm. Do you trust me?”
“More than you will ever know.”
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"we need to bring back x" it starts with YOU
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Obsessed with ur Leto Jess au collection please tell me u plan to continue on?
Fully plan to, just haven't been writing for a hair because this has been everything-is-due week and I am STRESSED. Hopefully doing a ficlet update this evening if all goes well.
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#fucked if i know#we were both feral at the same time but i'm not sure how that turned into COMPATIBLY feral
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@socdaily | NO MOURNERS EVENT
Day 5: Book to screen
[insp.]
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I was wrong the Fallout show is actually not bad, its somewhat fun
there is also a video -
youtube
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I'm super sexual but like also I'm super shy which don't mix well and I hate it so much
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give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other
for @letojessica
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not gonna lie to you guys, having someone play with my hair would probably fix half of my problems
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I HAVE TO DO THE WORK SO THAT MY LIFE CAN BE DIFFERENT AND I CAN REAP THE BENEFITS
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distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save me distraction save m
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I ❤️ self-loathing characters, characters who struggle with monstrosity (either fearing or embracing it), characters who are so lonely, who have a gaping hole in their chest, who bottle up & repress their feelings, who claw their way up & have ambitions, who fall down & lose everything, who search for identity & purpose yet can’t see themselves outside of what others want from or expect of them, who are hurt & hurt others, who long & grieve, who lie & pretend. characters who are messy & flawed & human
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You should fear me, Mother. I am the Kwisatz Haderach.
The Mother and the Son!
Dune by Frank Herbert / Sabaa Tahir
#something something i have thoughts#something something this dynamic hurts my heart but in a good way?#how many things can go wrong for one family#queue
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