#idk I don’t post a lot of serious shit on here and when i post stuff about lgbt stuff it’s usually just about lgbt not trans specific things
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As a cis lesbian, it is beyond frustrating that most terfs are cis lesbians. I hate that many terfs use my sexuality and gender as an excuse for their hate. I hate that lesbian terfs have experienced what it’s like to be ostracized for not being attracted to men and then do the same thing to a group of people who don’t want to be men. We are allies. Trans women and lesbians are groups of people who don’t want men to be a part of who they are. Terfs diminish women to biology and bodily functions. Women are so much more than that. Being attracted to women as a woman is a beautiful thing. And I hate that hate is being brought into that experience.
As a cis lesbian, I want to apologize, especially to all my trans friends, that a large amount of hate comes from people like me. It’s beyond hypocritical and they are against what lesbianism is truly about. Trans people are always welcomed and accepted here and terfs will not be tolerated. Holding so much hate for others who are different is such a sad thing to do and I don’t want to be anywhere near that. Just a reminder that this blog is safe for all trans people and not safe for terfs.
#when I’m unfortunate to see terf shit reposted or accounts following me and so many of them are cis lesbians and use that fact for their#hate makes me so mad#and I just saw a whole argument about real lesbians should be against trans women#and I go on blocking sprees of terfs and it breaks my heart when their bios read ‘lesbian’#idk I don’t post a lot of serious shit on here and when i post stuff about lgbt stuff it’s usually just about lgbt not trans specific things#so just a reminder#trans people are welcomed with open arms and terfs can fuck off#rae’s rambles#fuck terfs#anti terf#trans rights#terfs dont fucking touch#trans safe
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Silly little request but how do you think LKB would dress like casually? Like once every blue moon they have a day off and ding need to wear their uniforms? Can you do this in bullet points?
Them not in their uniforms is such a normal concept but it seems so weird for them if you know what I mean. Like, wdym they don’t wear those outfits to sleep? Also this is probably shorter than other posts because it’s about outfits, yk?
Bi-Han
Black. Moving on-
On some real shit though, I feel like this man’s entire wardrobe is in greyscale
Someone’s like “hey there’s this event coming up! Can you wear a blue shirt?”
You’d think he’d have blue but nope. Nothing but blacks and greys and maybe a white in there
I saw a post of biker Bi-Han and I definitely see it now
Idk if the pictures imma attach at the end are really biker tho so that’s why I’m saying mainly blacks
Like Elsa, the cold doesn’t bother him anyway so jackets aren’t really a thing he has to wear. He kinda just does because it makes the outfit look better
That’s all the brain power he puts into it though because this man doesn’t care about his wardrobe at all
He cares enough to not look sloppy but he doesn’t care about piecing shit together or brands and designer. If you look closely you can see he’s wearing the same shirt he was wearing yesterday
He wears black because he’s still thinking like an assassin. The whole “I shouldn’t be noticeable” thing
Which is wild when you think about how he’s definitely noticeable in that blue outfit but idk
He also wears black because… he doesn’t know
He checked his closet and realized that shit looked like a black void but refuses to actually wear more color
I don’t see him accessorizing much either. He only carries stuff he can fit in his pockets
Kuai Liang
Lazy
Bi-Han adds a jacket for a bit of razzle dazzle but Kuai Liang doesn’t
In all fairness, he gets hot easily (this is stereotypical but idc) so a jacket isn’t gonna work
He wears the most basic t shirts and pants
Like he legit got the same white shirt 50 times
The shit is despicable
I don’t think he adds many accessories either. He probably doesn’t carry much on him
Long sleeves never really happen either
Honestly I don’t think of any them dress with any special aesthetic in mind
But him? Extra lazy
I am being so serious when I say he buys the same clothes over and over again. He forgets he has a white t shirt in his closet so he buys another and the cycle repeats
Probably doesn’t care as much because what are the chances he’ll be out of uniform?
You know how people say men's outfits are so boring? He’s the main example they use because there’s no personality with his shit
I don’t see him doing much on his off days though so that’s probably why he just throws something on
He’s just getting dressed to go grocery shopping
Tomas Vrbada
The one with the most style
Which isn’t saying a lot
Wears multiple layers
Why do I think this way? Idk. But if I said they all dress the same, it’d be boring so here we are
He probably has a normal type of body heat since he’s not a pyromancer or cryomancer so he’s wearing hoodies and jackets because he’s genuinely cold
He accidentally has style
Wearing a hoodie and jacket is stylish to people for whatever reason. He doesn’t get it but he’s like “yeah, I definitely have fashion sense. It’s definitely not because I’m cold all the time. That just doesn’t sound like me”
May accessorize a bit but not as much
As a whole I think accessories can become heavy and get in the way and our boys gotta be ready to bust a move if something pops off. Just because they’re off duty doesn’t mean they’re not paying attention or in danger
So that’s why our boys travel light
He has those smoke bombs and shit so he might have a little pouch with him but I don’t think he’d carry a backpack. Goes back to being too heavy
If something can’t fit in a pouch, it’s staying home
Dresses in neutral colors. I don’t think any of them are necessarily into bright colors
Doesn’t have the same exact clothes but wears them the same exact way. His outfits look like a skin variation
He’s doing his best
Remember all I do for you because imagining them in normal clothes fucked me up more than I’d like to admit
#mk1#mk1 2023#mortal kombat 1#bi han sub zero#bi han#kuai liang scorpion#tomas vrbada smoke#kuai liang#kuai liang mk1#tomas vrbada#bi han headcanons#kuai liang headcanons#tomas vrbada headcanons
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also to add to my previous post, when i say blk yn go through crazy situations im exaggerating but i mean (“cause me personally!!!!!!!!!!!”) allowing the character to be treated in certain manner and be put in “awkward” positions. i also want to say that the “situations” seem unfulfilling like i wanted to say in the first place.
because of the unsavory situations she is put in she legit has to have characteristics that are straight up unnecessary if the wellbeing of her character was prevalent. and i have to say that because of blk yn stories that it applies to. (and no ian talking abt how ppl be complaining abt yn being “ghetto” 😒)
drama, comfort, or for fun, is cool and dandy but it’s the same type of thing and i’m not tryna come for the plug stories like don’t nbgaf like omg i’m so tired of hearing bout them freaking stories.
to the ppl who still decide to ignore how damaging fr CERTAIN! blk yn fics y’all remind me of the ppl who support tyler perry movies simply because it’s for entertainment and “he’s telling a story” (that not everyone has)
yep. those things are true but an impact worse than good is being produced. like bffr.
and i feel conflicted by even saying that because some ppl obviously genuinely relate or find comfort in those stories but at what cost. like is comfort worth change and progression?
me rn:
some ppl just really don’t gaf and don’t care to want better. please don’t let the ppl who don’t gaf sway you. for the ppl who do, reblog nice fics or write. blow them up so other blk girls can find them. we deserve it.
there are so many blk fics where yn is not going through those things and if there is “drama” is solved or there’s a healthy resolve. (there’s so many blk writers who need to be publishing books fuck tumblr or ao3 and tryna get reblogs. with all that talent girl MAKE SOME MONEYYYY! YALL STUFF BE GOOD.)
i’m dead serious. why haven’t you thought abt it.
but yeah. it is what it is we have to put more work in to change as people in general. but i really just want my ppl to grow. ppl find comfort in fics for a reason. i really think a good balance of what everyone is looking for and needs should be found. i know ppl gonna feel like ppl telling them what to do but they prolly the ones who don’t want the change for wtv.. reason… ahem..
ppl feeling hit by what i said:
there’s obviously a problem and as a ppl! why can’t we just fix it. like at least try.
side note:
there’s so many ways to get drama. also the smut after arguing piss me off this is off topic cause it applies to a lot of ppl who make fics but like damn. y’all ain’t gon talk it out. and it be the most weird arguments and stuff and you wanna squeeze lemons after that???
idk that annoys me like everyyyy time? and i think smut after arguments can be well written but ….
anyways the blk ff community to damn big for us to be sitting here starving acting like we don’t have food in the refrigerator to make something.
get it together yall. youn want what’s in the refrigerator go get your keys and buy something.
i’m tired of this shit that’s why so many blk writers stop writing or ppl stop reading because it’s too much going on all for some damn fake characters we wanna imagine ourselves with.
and i know for some ppl it’s abt the followers and all that which i mean to each is own i mean
sigh i was tryna be proper and cordial but i really want better for us but it’s so many ppl who go too far or do too little. and some are so sheep that they go with someone else’s opinion too. you know you tired of all the toxic fics say sumn. you know you tired of ppl constantly bringing up yn being ghetto for no reason (that shit piss me off so bad i can’t. they be so close but so farr) say sumn.
me after thinking someone finna bring up how unnecessary struggle love/toxic/extra smutty blk fics are but they end up just complaining abt yn using aave:
anyways i’m ranting. i wanted to say what i felt.
muah
#x black reader#x black reader fluff#black reader#x black fem reader#anime x black!reader#black fanfiction#aot x black reader#jjk x black reader#connie x black reader#x fem black reader#aot x black y/n#eren x black fem!reader#jjk x black y/n#eren x black reader#black yn#i love using gifs theyre so fun🤭#i said what i said again
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No but literally not even 10 years ago, ask blogs for characters were a MAJOR major thing on tumblr and it's so sad that cringe culture really pummeled everyone here so hard that we all just stopped doing fun things and interacting beyond likes and reblogs
literally!! i joined the site in early 2016 and the amount of silly fun that people had back then is so much compared to what we’ve got going on. and even that was less than in the years preceding from what i’ve heard. and to be honest i think it’s in big part because the users started taking themselves and their experience more seriously. don’t get me wrong, i much prefer the site’s culture in 2024 to what it was like when i joined, but there’s really something to be said about how pretentious everyone got (for lack of a better word) and how the way that people have shifted towards posting more serious or academic or artsy things means that they seem less approachable now. nowadays everyone seemingly wants to come across as smart and sane and worldly. whereas before, you got followers by being weird and hyper and excited about things, and by interacting with as many people as you could!! and ofc i think it also has to do with the average age on here going up, because it’s a lot easier to just interact with people and be energetic when you’re 13 as opposed to 23. (not even factoring in increasing demands on your time and energy as an adult.)
and not to say that people aren’t silly and weird and willing to be cringe now! but it’s in such a different way that it doesn’t really build site-wide community. idk i think if people want this site to stay fun like this we need to all get re-used to just randomly dming people and striking up a conversation, sending mundane asks, tagging people in shit, REBLOGGING posts we like, etc
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is there any reason why Dan specifically? a lot of the foxes have dad issues, but Dan doesn't show any signs of trying to seek out anything romantic from older men becuz of that. if it were any fox, i feel like it'd be more likely to be Andrew? idk how old Roland is but we know he was older than Andrew, and he's a position of authority just like Wymack. I don't WANT it to be Andrew. I just feel like if it had to be someone, its him, yknow?
hmm not sure how to answer this.
i just transposed my experience onto her, as a hc, for shits & giggles. i never said i based myself on canon? was just vibing.
if i did have to justify it, i’d say the EC kind of could point that way, if you really wanted it to be as close to canon as possible? but i’d don’t! cause it’s just for fun! and not that serious!
as for the Andrew thing, um, i feel like i gotta say something. just as nothing in canon points to Danielle having lingering daddy issues / seeking much older male validation because of her past, neither does Andrew. Roland is what? a few years older, max? legally an adult (which is still BAD, in case i wasn't clear......), but not the way Wymack is, a fully grown man in his forties/fifties. he’s not a dad’s age. no dad potential whatsoever. Roland & Andrew is different than the possibility of Andrew seeking out Wymack. you have to know that. it's not the same at all.
the reason Andrew sought out Roland was not specifically bc of his age, but bc Andrew could be in control and Roland would follow his rules, for the most part. when he would not, Andrew could tie him up, and Roland would let him. if there was an age-related reason, it’d be that Roland is a mature, consenting adult in full possession of his independence. Andrew would be inclined to see that as good (for Roland). Andrew would not consider this as also bad (for himself). Roland has no authority at all over Andrew, though. not according to canon Andrew. he may have been his boss at one point, but Andrew is holding the reins of the situationship. Andrew is the one in control.
so to say that Andrew, specifically, would be the one most likely to seek out much older males is… icky. iffy. yucky. you “don’t want it to be Andrew” and why is that? bc of his past abuse, right? and you know that. you know why. i know i’m probably more on the defensive than i ought to be, but there are already harmful stereotypes in aftg when it comes to queer representations and identities. we don’t need more in fanon. i don’t need more in fanon.
Andrew grew up in foster care without a mom or a dad. if he had daddy issues, he’d most likely have mommy issues too, no? but what did he do to his mommy? killed her. for laying a finger on Aaron. that’s a mommy issue alright, but not a mainstream, freudian one. not the kind we’re talking about here. so why would he develop those with older men in parallel? he actively avoids these types of men because of the abuse he endured at their hands. not just Drake's.
it’s just. awfully close to right down saying Andrew is gay bc he was abused by men as a child. that’s a dangerous, slippery slope.
again! in case it wasn't blindingly clear and glaringly obvious! the Danielle post was about Danielle herself. David Wymack would not and never was involved. David Wymack never even knew Dan harbored these misplaced (misplaced!) feelings. she is taking this one to the grave.
if you come from the perspective of personal experience and you’re projecting too, sorry. i don’t mean to invalidate your feelings or your experience.
i think i’m done now.
tl:dr it wasn’t that serious + it doesn’t need to be made serious. just me and my dad-baggage against the world.
#tl:dr it wasn’t that serious + it doesn’t need to be made serious. just me and my dad-baggage against the world.#this is an open invitation to *block me*#aftg ask#aftg#all for the game#the foxhole court#andrew minyard#danielle wilds#dan wilds#david wymack
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Going back to the post about Muriel and finwe fighting to the death (but not really). Do you have more headcanon about how they would react when they meet once again. Also I personally feel like Muriel would drag indis by the hair for how she tried to take finwe away from her and how she treated feanor.
Also I was also wondering if you had any ideas on how Muriel and feanor would be once they meet each other. I feel like she would be proud and disappointed at the same fime. She would so probably love her grandchildren.
So, obligatory disclaimer: this is specifically about my au
Miriel would just show up out of the blue. No fanfare, no announcement, just one seconds she’s there. You know what? Maybe Miriel’s already swinging her blade at him.
And the moment Finwe notices her, notices that she’s here, in front of him, alive? It’s as if color returned to him.
These 2 haven’t seen each other in millenia, that is a lot of pent up emotions (and don’t get me wrong, they are angry at each other as well for what happened) and they just go at it. No explenation, no nothing. They’re going feral on each other. Maybe they’re also cursing each other out/flirting while their at it.
Everyone who did not know their dynamics is really concerned and baffled.
It’s not a short or small fight either. They’re going at it for hours, days even, and so mich crap gets destroyed in the process. Entire rooms have been layed to waste and they’re covered in blood by the end of it.
And then they fuck.
Luckily, no one’s around by the time it gets to that point.
But it’s really animalistic, feral, raw in a way the elves have forgotten.
In regards to Miriel and Indis:
Here’s the thing, their families had a bit of a lowkey fued going on since the lake (please see other posts i’ve made on this au) but this takes the cake. It does not help that indis is a bit of a bitch (and Miriel’s still lowkey highkey pissed at finwe’s enabling of her behavior)
Have you seen the mdzs donghua, specifically the scene where madam you humiliates and slaps the shit out of yoayoa? Yeah, miriel is dragging indis through the metaphorical and literal dirt. And indis is pissed too bc she did not want miriel to come back at all. Miriel doesn’t comment on finwe’s other kids though bc she’s not gonna torment the child for the sins of the parents.
It should be noted that Miriel herself has a good number of supporters as well that went more or less dormant when she died, but the moment she’s back up and running? Ho boy, her supporters are tearing through the throats of the indis supporters like starving dogs. (Not literally).
Here’s the thing about feanor and miriel’s reunion:
Miriel’s very aware that she wasn’t there to raise feanor and that she doesn’t really know how to mom as a result, so while she’s very eager to hug the crap out of her baby, she’s also pretty blunt in saying “hey, ngl, idk how to do this, so i’ll probably mess up a lot, and i’ll probably not be the mom you expect me to be (especially with the “Miriel was only a weaver propaganda shoved down everyone’s throats 😒”) but no matter what, know that i love you, and know that i will try my best to be the mom you always should have had.
I don’t feel like (this au) Miriel would actually be that disappointed. I mean she’s no angel either. But furthermore, she gets it. Does she approve of some of feanor’s erratic actions? No. But she’s intimately familiar with the drive and passion that caused it. In all honesty, she’s just sad it happened the way it did. She’s obviously very proud of her bby i mean look at him! LOOK AT HIM!
N e way, yeah Miriel loves her grandkids.
She’s actually staying with feanor right now to 1. Repair their relationship, and 2. She’s reading finwe the riot act, he needs to do some serious groveling before she gets back with him (even though they already fucked kissed)
Of course then there’s the drama of indis and her family, and Miriel lowkey gets it (i mean who would want to be kicked out of the life they’ve been living for millenia?) but also, indis poisened her when she was pregnant with feanor and she had to give her life’s essence to keep him alive to give birth to him, that and some other factors are what resulted in her death in the first place so….🖕.
Also Indis(who is ingwe’s sister in this au)’s dad is still lowkey obseessed with Miriel’s brother so she’s just NOT in the mood to sympathize with her.
And of course Miriel’s dad, who’s the only one with her bc he’s the only one who got killed and went to the halls (since none of miriel’s other family went with her on the great journey) (L), is absolutly delighting at the chance to “clean house” (aka: beat up his SIL, his mistress and said mistress’s family, as well as exterminated any and everyone in the way of his kid’s happiness.)
All in all, Miriel’s come back is simultaneously really bloody and also pretty straight forward.
(Also, Ingwe shows up half way through the brawl and is just cheering his aunt on)
#lord of the rings#lotr#silmarillion#lotr elves#miriel#finwe#indis ig#feanor#miriel x finwe#miriel is feral#answered asks#shamelessly pushing my ‘miriel and thranduil are twins agenda’#4 silvan sibs au#oropher is miriel’s dad btw#and he’s pissed
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Bro it bothers me sm when ppl are like “Debbie turned out like her mother” or “lip turned out like Frank” or saying that any of the kids turned out like their parents bc they didn’t??? They each have their own struggles and faults, but none of them turned out like their parents as they all broke the cycle??? Idk ppl are just dumb and don’t understand the story 😭😭😭
ok so bee, i saw this ask and i was about to give a normal response to this but then i was like, yk what- fuck it, so here’s a whole ass meta post about generational trauma in shameless and why i also hate this.
(i’m so sorry in advance i’m just crazy)
generational trauma in shameless
shameless is a show that portrays a lot of serious topics, especially topics regarding dysfunctional families, substance abuse, and mental illness. one of those topics portrayed is generational trauma. as someone who comes from a dysfunctional family with a lot of generational trauma, i feel like shameless portrayed this so well.
the first generation to start this (that we really got information about) is frank and monica’s parents. we learned the most about frank’s parents, so i’ll start off there. we learned the most about peggy gallagher, frank’s mother (who- fyi, debbie was kind of named after since peggy’s real name is margaret and that’s debbie’s middle name, so that adds to the whole generational trauma thing but whatever), peggy was an abusive monster. she had four sons, and her least favorite was frank. this was very apparent. she treats frank (and monica, we know she hated monica even though we never saw them together) like shit, and in 4x11, we learn that she raped frank as a child. in season 2, she gets out after being in prison for around eleven years and found joy in humiliating frank + could’ve killed carl with their meth lab. she sucked. her husband was also bad. we didn’t learn much about frank’s father, but we know that much like his son, he was an abusive drunk. he used to make frank wear a dress and would beat him. frank had a very traumatic childhood, which definitely played into the way he parented his children and decided to spend his adulthood. we don’t know a lot about monica’s parents, but we know that frank says that monica’s parents ruined her. monica’s mother is mentioned once in 3x06, where she’s calling fiona and forgets who monica is. one can infer she had dementia or something like it, and it’s implied she died by season 7. speaking of season 7, that’s where we meet her father, bill. bill is a crude man who criticizes everything. we know that he had little involvement in his daughter’s life, and was a army man, making monica a military brat.
so, one abusive addict parent and one uninvolved parent. sound familiar?
i don’t think i need to explain much about frank and monica, but i will anyways. frank and monica made fiona on accident and monica didn’t want her, not long after lip was born, frank went to rehab and monica and clayton made ian. when debbie was born, frank wanted to sell her. when carl was born, monica left not long after. when liam was born, monica, yet again, left weeks later. monica is uninvolved, and frank isn’t necessarily uninvolved, but he isn’t really involved either. frank was the black sheep of the family and the least favorite. his father hit him (we’re lead to believe he was the only one who was hit) and he seemed to have had it pretty rough, maybe it’s just me, but when i hear that, i think of ian. monica and frank are both victims of their environment. being a military brat, monica most likely moved around a lot and felt very lonely. so, she found comfort in the lifestyle that was moving constantly, and didn’t really grasp the concept of two parents being there constantly. that, her addiction, and her disorder played parts in her parenting style. frank grew up humiliated and was smart, but became an addict and a drop out. he tried to improve his life on multiple occasions but failed each time. i will die on the hill that both frank and monica loved their kids, but not enough, not in the right way. something i feel very strongly about due to my own experiences is that you must heal before becoming a parent. growing up with unhealed parents puts you into a position nobody should be put it.
on the topic of growing up with unhealed parents, we have lip and debbie. lip and debbie both have hero complexes, and also both have always wanted nothing more than to have children. lip is an alcoholic, and one of the ways he copes with this and keeps his sobriety is by putting other people’s problems before his own. debbie is troubled, to say the least (it’s implied that she struggles with borderline personality disorder), and to cope with her crippling loneliness she self sabotages and prostitutes herself. in season 2, the possibility of lip being a teen dad was there and lip was willing to ruin his entire life for a kid that he wasn’t even sure was his. in season 3, he takes in mandy’s half-sister to save her from foster care. in season 8/9, he rescues xan and tries to become her guardian. ian describes him as the closest thing to a dad all of the gallagher siblings have ever had. in debbie’s case, from season 1 we learn about her caring nature. we see her care for her father, aunt ginger, and her babydoll. in the next season, she starts her own daycare and cares for those babies. she has wanted nothing more than her own family since her first appearance. she gets pregnant at fourteen and by fifteen, destroys a lot of her life for her baby. she likes feeling wanted and having a family and she loves caring for her daughter. (it’s also worth mentioning the similarities between frank and fiona and monica and ian, but that’s for another day).
so now, here’s the question: are lip and debbie frank and monica?
i’d say no. lip is still struggling with active addiction, by season 11, he is not recovered, he relapsed and the ending is so ambiguous (purposefully, every character’s ending was left up to interpretation) that we don’t really know what’s going on with him pre-11x12. but there is that scene where lip gives fred this speech about how frank was an addict, and gave lip alcohol as a kid, and now lip’s an addict. and lip tells freddie that he would never do that to him. i feel like that alone gives us the assurance that lip isn’t like frank (in that way). but is debbie monica? also no. many fans are inlove with the idea of debbie abandoning franny, it seems to be all they talk about, but as a self-proclaimed debbie expert (lol) i’d say that that’s blasphemy. debbie would go through hell for franny, and in 11x08 delivers a monologue about why she will never leave franny. that doesn’t mean she’s a flawless mother, she isn’t, but she’s also twenty. i think that the most confirmation we have that debbie isn’t like her mother is in season 7 when she loses franny. she goes through absolute hell over losing her child. monica gets franny back and claims to relate, but debbie (and viewers) can tell that it’s different. we know that the gallagher’s were taken away on multiple occasions, and we know that when monica found out her kids were taken from her, instead of coming home, she willingly signed the rights to them away.
anyways. i completely agree that they are not like their parents; are they like them in certain ways? absolutely. but i also fully believe that the two of them are breaking the cycle. fred and franny will grow up and never have to worry about having a roof over their heads, they will never worry about not having food in their stomachs, they will never find themselves without a parent for a year or two. they will, hopefully, grow up with no substance abuse issues and no mental health issues. hopefully.
#cw: rape#cw: abuse#cw: substance abuse#cw: generational trauma#shameless#shameless us#shameless meta#peggy gallagher#bill darrgen#frank gallagher#monica gallagher#lip gallagher#debbie gallagher#freddie gallagher#franny gallagher#you: sends a simple ask#me: *writes an entire essay*#in advance- i didn’t read this before posting because i’m too busy so if there are errors mb
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So, I’ve been thinking a lot about spideytorch lately (as I am one to do) and a question popped into my head:
What is the most important spideytorch comic panel?
There’s a ton of great options in my opinion, but I think there also is an answer (at least for me) so now I am going to subject all of you to my thought process. Get ready for a way to long post breaking this down.
The most obvious starting point has to be this classic
Johnny Storm is going full house husband for Peter Parker, I mean c’mon! add in the fact that he’s in his undies and the way that he’s leaning over peter… yeah this is a classic. This might be the most famous spideytorch panel out there, but I don’t think it’s the most important one.
Another classic (but more antagonistic?) one takes place, of course, at the usual place.
To me this is peak identity shenanigans and the stuff that fanfics are made of. The betrayal, the heartbreak, the complications that go into the conflicting way these two view identity, oh boy I could talk about that shit for hours, but as an individual moment, it doesn’t really crack most important for me, it needs a bit more affection (they’re very bad at affection sometimes).
Another panel that came to mind very quickly for me is this set.
Johnny literally only had to say his name and Peter knew exactly what he meant and what he needed. This is top tier levels of communication, both between them and from the creators to us. I think this is another one that I could talk about for hours. That being said, it doesn’t feel important enough to me.
A friend in the spideytorch discord server posed this panel as the most important spideytorch moment in the comics.
I’m just gonna put their quote in cause it’s great. “I think this is one of my favorite panels cause Johnny was just speaking generally and Peter was like ‘oh my god! Actual wise words form johnny’ but also, I love that this was a more important moment for Peter than Johnny.” I must say, this entry is extremely important to spideytorch and gave my choice a run for its money. I don’t have a huge reason for not making this one the most important, other than personal taste. For their relationship, this is a key moment and sets them on the path to actually being friends (at least on Peter’s end), but idk it just wasn’t doing it for me.
Another panel I was reminded of thanks to this submission was this moment.
It’s not quite as impactful as the past one by a long shot but I do think it’s important. After being rivals for so long, to see Johnny give a genuine heartfelt compliment to Peter is fantastic (haha). This feels like the other half of the previous set of panels. There we had Johnny encouraging a stranger and here he’s encouraging his friend.
Some other friends in the discord server suggested the moment that Johnny invites Peter over to watch his sex tape (yes this is canon).
(Not pictured, Peter swinging away and saying he needs to take a cold shower). Now I’m not saying that the most important spideytorch moment needs to be serious, but I think this moment might be too unserious to claim that title. This moment was huge for the fanbase because holy shit did, he actually say that, but for their relationship, I just don’t think it was as important as it was to us.
Now I do want to knock out a few honorable mentions that I would hate to miss.
First, this look given to Spidey by Johnny, I mean yeah, he’s in love.
And to balance the lovesick flirty scales I must expose Peter as well.
Next, this heartbreaking moment that basically admits to the audience that Peter’s world becomes chaos when he loses Johnny. That shit hits.
Of course, the moment that gave us the ship name.
A panel that lives in my head rent-free because honestly marvel what were you attempting to convey here other than the fact that Peter really wants to have hate sex with Johnny Storm?
To take us outside of our duo, this quote from Ben Grimm, because honestly same.
And of course, I have to include the panel which showed us the first time (on page) that Peter told Johnny he loved him AND gave us canon proof that these two have “date night,” many a fic writer was fed well.
And how could we forget! THE USUAL PLACE! Literally any panel mentioning this is top tier because its so good, like the core of the fandom honestly.
Lastly, before moving on to my own more serious contenders I have to share this parallel that @sciderman shared because I love it.
Now to my serious contenders for the title of most important spideytorch panel (please remember this is all my opinion and I mean no shade). This will be a top 5, but just know some of these rankings are pretty flexible (even flexible with some panels from the beginning), and this question should not be taken as seriously as I am taking it, I am fully aware of that.
Number 5!
So, I know that I discounted the sex tape scene earlier because I didn’t think it was serious enough and it didn’t do enough for their actual relationship, but I had to include this one I’m sorry. A lot of this is personal taste but the implications here are *chefs kiss* The first time I saw this panel was actually on Pinterest with the caption “wait a second, did spider-man and the human torch have sex?” which says it all for me.
Beyond that, this moment also shows how they reach out to each other when they have problems. Strange children show up in Peter’s life and the first person he calls about it is Johnny. Again, this is not the most serious, but I love it. This moment shows the banter of their relationship, how they care about and rely on each other, and also potentially reveals that they’ve had sex. There’s a lot to take in.
Number 4!
I will be honest with you all, this moment is here almost entirely because Ben’s quote lives in my head rent-free. Everyone around them sees how they feel about each other besides them. When they were rivals others could tell they actually liked each other and when they became friends others could tell that it was deeper than that. I think I especially love this panel because it conforms that we’re not crazy for thinking there’s something there but also because Ben specifically cites the way Johnny looks at peter. That is very specific and says a lot. I can’t imagine Ben would say this if the looks Johnny gave Peter were purely platonic, and just ahhhh, there’s so much said here just in one line from Ben. There was of course the Ben moment earlier, which I also love, but something about this one, the more specific phrasing of it I think just shoots it up my rankings a lot.
Number 3!
If you’ve been following me for a while I don’t think this is a surprise at all, I have already done a very in depth post about this panel so I’ll keep my thoughts brief. Red Skull knows that hurting Johnny will hurt Peter, Peter’s Spidey senses go off FOR JOHNNY, and we are given so much angst potential, I love it.
Number 2!
This one is probably a more popular choice than my number one, and I totally get it. The excitement and joy bursting out of Peter when he finally realizes that Johnny is here, he’s real, and he’s alive really gets me. Plus, the added context to the uniform comment being that Johnny literally left Peter his family and his spot on the team in his will. The amount of pure love in this moment and its larger context is abundant, platonic or romantic, it’s there. I feel like everything I could say about this panel has probably been said before, but it is definitely worthy of being the most important spideytorch moment, even if I have one that beats it for me.
Number 1!
For those of you who don’t know, this panel comes from Peter visiting Gwen’s grave and talking to her. That fact alone breaks me in half but then the things he says to her shatter me. Every spider-man fan knows how much Gwen’s death broke Peter, it destroyed him to lose her. Just the fact that Peter admits Johnny brings part of him back is amazing (haha) because that is a hug feat. But then he shatters me even more with his final sentences. After Gwen’s death, we often get a peter who spends too much time as Spidey in order to avoid having to cope with Gwen’s death as Peter, but also as a way to cope with the loss (he’s a complicate man). Spideypool also gets a lot from that arc because of Wade’s reaction to Spider-Man not holding back as much and becoming less of a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man, and that’s true. The fact that Peter feels like he’s becoming who Spidey is supposed to be again when he’s around johnny is huge! But then! He corrects himself. He’s not Spidey again, he’s Peter. The real person, the man behind the mask, comes back. And then you get the final correction. He’s not just peter again, he’s *Gwen’s* peter again. He is the him that existed with Gwen when he’s with Johnny. That speaks volumes and breaks whatever parts of me are left. How am I expected to read this and not think that Johnny and Peter are soulmates?
Now, I will acknowledge that this is much more of a peter moment than a joint spideytorch moment, much like the moment suggested by discord friend earlier. If that disqualifies it for you as the most important spideytorch panel, I get it. However, for me that doesn’t matter mainly for one key reason. So many classic spideytorch moments show a lot of Johnny having feelings for Peter or making a move on Peter. There have been a lot of times when I’m trying to get a friend into spideytorch, and I feel like I have to clarify that its not as one sided as it seems. Johnny is much more out there with who he is and doesn’t hide his feelings very well (except maybe from himself). So, when we get any spideytorch moment that hones in on peter’s feelings and love for Johnny, that feels so huge to me. This moment alone proves that it isn’t one sided, Peter has deep feelings for Johnny, even if he’s not sure what they are yet, he knows that what they have is special, he wouldn’t be telling Gwen about it otherwise. While it may not be as famous of a spideytorch moment, its an important one, and for me it’s probably the most important one.
Anyway, this has been a way too long post about this topic but if you made it to the end thank you so much! I would love to hear other people’s thoughts on this topic so feel free to share those. Also, just a reminder that these are my opinions, and I am not in charge at all so don’t take it too seriously (unless you want to).
If you’re interested in hearing me, go more in depth on any of these panels (or any other spideytorch panels) shoot me an ask because I could honestly talk in depth for a while about most of these panels and I would love to do so. Thank you again for reading this way to long post and good night spideytorch nation.
#spideytorch#alt descriptions coming soon!#peter parker#johnny storm#peter x johnny#peter parker x johnny storm#mine :)#fantastic four#spider-man#marvel#comics#spideytorch meta#marvel meta#enjoy my chaos
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This chapter has been bugging the shit out of me so I’m gonna rant about it here cuz that’s exactly what this account is for.
1) I feel like it would’ve been a lot more humane if they used Eri’s quirk after the war. It would’ve been interesting to see deku struggle for a few weeks or months while Eri trains to be able to rewind more precisely so that she can be helpful like she wants without mutilating herself. If you’re gonna use a child for nothing more than furthering plot, at least do it in a way that respects her. I get that she wants to be all heroic but cutting off a piece of yourself to save someone shouldn’t be celebrated so quickly. It reminds me back in October when edgeshot came out of Katsuki and all he got was a “thanks senpai.” Using side characters as pawns gets really old really fast.
2) same sentiment with the whole shiragiri thing. The impact this character has had Aizawa as one of the main characters, shouldn’t just be brushed over like it was. It felt like a “hey bro, nice to see you again, mind helping us out?” And then that’s it… there’s no “I’m glad you’re still kind of you” or anything. I hope they go back over that after the war and show more actual emotion.
3) I don’t like the fact that some of class a is showing up so soon. Not so soon but like… idk.
The whole war has been progressively getting more serious and dark and to be suddenly hit with “yeah sorry for that jumpscare of losing your arms like 30 seconds ago, have them back. Also here’s some of your injured classmates cuz ‘their bodies moved on their own’! Callbacks, right?”
Idk if I’m just judging too soon but I really hope this doesn’t turn into a “power of friendship” situation. This needs to be an ‘all or nothing’ thing for it to make sense. If Shoji and Koda are fighting AFO now, spinner should be on mt Fuji too. Having just class a fight AFO feels so cheap and basic and Hori has proved that he’s not a basic bitch so I’m hoping if all of class a shows up, all of their respective villains show up too. If Todoroki shows up, Endeavor and Dabi need to be there too. If Uraraka shows up, Tsu and Toga should be there too.
Taking the attention off the side characters own arcs to support the mc without conclusions or at least updates to their own stories is literally just bad writing and I hope it doesn’t end up like that. Like I said, I think I��m just judging too soon so hopefully this doesn’t go in the direction I feel like it’s going. So far it’s having an Avengers: Endgame esc feel but it feels it’s heading in the direction of everyone vs just Thanos instead of everyone vs Thanos’ brainwashed followers.
Idk if this post made sense, I’m at a nail salon so I’m typing fast and honestly I’m just upset about how disappointing this chapter was so this really was just an incoherent rant.
#bnha#bnha spoilers#bnha manga leaks#bnha 420#mha 420#puff speaks#the Eri thing didn’t bother me at first but when I read translations it started to piss me off a bit#bless her heart but you’re telling me someone HELPED her mutaikaye herself??#someone who was supposed to be watching her and keeping her safe?#that’s crazy#also taking Deku’s arms for a chapter while keeping katsuki DEAD for nearly 50 is INSANE#my hero academia#boku no hero academia
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(probably) rejected going seventeen ideas
On the off chance someone from the seventeen team is reading this (((like you probably did with the hide and seek post AHEM COUGH COUGH jk unless)))) I present to you my GOSE ideas:
They are in a courtroom and have to defend each other. The case should be something that actually happened (i.e one of their petty fights) They can present their arguments with irrelevant proof (for example, Mingyu is a lawyer, and the other party’s lawyer Seungkwan presents a picture of Mingyu flexing his muscles and says he’s a show off or some shit bc he wants to EMBARRASS HIM) Since there’s 523 members of svt some could be lawyers, defendants, judge, key witnesses and jury… hell, someone could be a security guard. Also I am merely a fan of seventeen in suits (update: they actually did this one omg)
BET ON MY BESTIE. They are all given a prompt and they have to bet on which member they think would do it best. The betted on members have to prove whether or not they can do it. For example, “Which member can do 30 pushups in 15 seconds?” You have everyone SCREAMINGG hyping up Woozi Mingyu and Joshua. You’d have Hoshi making crazy promises like “JOSHUA IF YOU WIN THIS I’LL BUY YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT” and then when Joshua wins Hoshi’s like “🤭 just kidding”
SVT building ikea furniture in two teams. One member is blindfolded, another member is wearing noise cancelling headphones and another is not allowed to talk -> these three have to some how relay the instructions to the rest of the team
This is definitely a long shot but seventeen WIPE OUT edition. I wanna see Dino bounce off a huge red ball
I KNOW YOU REMEMBER SILENT LIBRARY PLS DO THIS I KNOW VERNON WOULD ACTUALLY COMBUST FROM TRYING NOT TO LAUGH AND EVERYTHING IS FUNNIER WHEN IT’S QUIET
An actual serious game of dodgeball pleaseeeeeeeeee. I know y’all did it for the Jun appreciation day video but they were purposely trying to let Jun win. I wanna see S coups whip a ball
They each design an article of merch (hoodies, shirt, sweatpants, hat, etc). The twist is they have to keep passing on the merch to the next member and add on to the design every 15 minutes until it’s gone thru all 13 members. It’d be cool to see the behind the scenes of something they made collectively and it would be CHAOS. Imagine The8 being really proud of his drawing and then Hoshi gets it next and draws a big ass evil banana or something idk. The merch gets sold on their website for a limited amount of time.
Seventeen in a BIG ASS MAZE and each person has to find a specific member among it in order to exit. Imagine DK runs into Jun but needs to find Vernon so DK starts yelling “GET OUT OF THE WAYYY” Minghao would do some shit like wait by the exit until his partner found him pls
They get to style a member and make them pose however and wherever they want for a picture. At the end, the pictures are presented and the members have to guess who styled them and who got the best makeover ((winners get a wish ticket))
All 13 of them (or two teams) have to shoot a low-budget music video for one of their b-side songs
They wear prosthetics and go undercover in public and have to fulfil 5 tasks
MAFIA (DONT LIE) BUT pairs are handcuffed together (one team of three people). Ideally, the pairs are of the most unlikely duo/the ones who bicker a lot. If you want it to be simpler, ask every member many days prior to compile a list of who they would most to least like to be handcuffed to. Only on the day of do they find out they are handcuffed to the person they listed last. They play Don’t Lie Mafia as they usually would. Throughout the set are a limited amount of handcuff keys (so not every duo can separate) This would be A MESS. If your partner is eliminated, they become separated and the remaining member goes on solo. My goal here is to have a lot of fighting i.e Wonwoo wants to go left but Woozi wants to go right but they BOTH can’t have what they want. Josh is mafia and Mingyu is getting close to finding the prize money so Josh leads the poor man astray bc Mingyu trusts him. Okay, honestly I can’t think of a full concept but I would still love to see them handcuffed to each other. In my head it’s Hoshi-Seungkwan, Jeonghan-Dino, Mingyu-Josh, DK-Jun-Scoups, Vernon-The8, Wonwoo-Woozi
Shark Tank Parody. The8, Joshua and Woozi are sharks. Each member has to present a product… the catch is they have no idea what their product is until it’s their turn. Really reliant on improv (similar to their seventeen got talent GOSE)
Idk what the actual scenario is but one member is wearing a secret headset and is being told what to do by the staff. Either no other members are aware and think that one member is being a weirdo OR all members are wearing headsets and they have to figure out who is being controlled (Similar to Mystery Mystery GOSE and Secret Santa GOSE)
They recreate their PLEDIS auditions. They are styled with similar hair, outfits and introductions. They sing and dance to their audition songs. The members are not allowed to laugh or they get shocked.
A chill GOSE where they sit around a campfire roasting marshmallows and tell each other their real life ghost stories. Potentially a prank on DK where they disappear into the darkness one by one
SVT AS BOBA SHOP EMPLOYEES??? IDK WHAT I WANT FROM THIS BUT I WANT THIS
Likely would be an end of year video but a trivia game where they are shown moments of their year (or even their overall lives together) and it’s in a game show format where the goal is to select the right answer. (For example, they are shown a picture and asked where it was taken with A,B,C,D options) It’s a recap of their year and they can explain the moment in more depth
#seventeen#kpop scenarios#gose#going seventeen#about me I guess#s coups#Joshua hong#Jeonghan#junhui#moon junhui#hoshi#wonwoo#Woozi#DK#minghao#the8#Vernon chwe#Lee dino#lee chan#seungkwan#mingyu#dokyeom#going seventeen staff run me my check#idk about y’all but I want another escape room#or scary one like the tag#I ALSO LOVE OUTDOOR ONES#seventeen crack#seventeen head canons
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if anyone has cats they would like to send me pics of i would appreciate that a lot i am having a very very fucking weird one right now and don’t really know what to do with myself.
the short version is: my dad died today. the long version is..... probably an absolutely ridiculous overshare but. like i said. don’t know what to do with myself so i’m just. idk im talking out loud i guess, putting this Somewhere. it’s. heavy, sorry.
so the post i made recently celebrating seven years going no-contact with my abusive father who kind of ruined my life in a lot of really serious ways i am likely never really going to completely recover from? yeah. he had a stroke earlier this year that sounded like it was pretty serious and that was a lot to process and then i just got the call from my mom that he had a heart attack while fishing with a friend this afternoon and died. apparently it was fast, which is good. he was fifty-five and i guess he’d just hit two years sober.
my mom sounded really upset on the phone, and i guess she’d only found out less than ten minutes before she called me, she just told my sister, who lives with her, and my sister went off to take a shower (read: have a breakdown in the shower), and then called me immediately and said “your dad died” as soon as i answered with a hey, what’s up. they’d been divorced for twenty years and he was a fucking bastard but i guess your ex-husband and your kids’ dad who you’ve recently been reconnecting with and spending time with again dies and you’re probably gonna have some strong feelings about it. my sister is in pieces, they’d reconnected and were spending a lot more time together. in their text they said ‘i barely got any time with him and i’m fucking heartbroken’.
and because he has no other living relatives my 23 year old sister who is uh, in a fragile state on the best of days, is gonna have to deal with all of the paperwork and shit that happens when someone dies. and my sister and i’s relationship is like.... it’s complicated, to put it politely, they are very hard for me to be around for a lot of reasons, but i wouldn’t wish that on them and i wish i was able to take on that stuff if only because i’m almost through law school and i’m the least emotionally invested in the man and it just would be easier for everyone if i did the paperwork and whatever.
and then there’s my brother, because i have a brother, who i barely talk about because it hurts to think about him. he’s nine years older than me and he’s my half-brother by my dad and after my dad went to prison on drug charges i didn’t see him for thirteen years. and then a long time after a brief visit too. he’s got two kids now, and for a while there we were in sporadic contact, but i haven’t seen or heard from him since i was maybe nineteen. and my mom was just kind of rambling on the phone about how she had to find my brother’s mother’s contact information because someone had to tell him and because i’m all the way out here and i can’t DO anything else i told her i’d find her and tell her what happened and get everyone’s contact information for whatever’s coming next so. now i’ve texted my brother, who is a living wound in my life, for the first time in like six years. he hasn’t answered yet and according to his mother he’s ‘devastated.’ so.
i’m not. i’m not devastated. i don’t know what i feel honestly. once i tracked her down on facebook and dealt with all of that i just sort of sat at the kitchen table and stared at the wall for a long time. listened to the mountain goats song ‘pale green things’ and drifted in a weird numb void. i’m not.... sad. not about him anyway. i don’t know what i am. i have a very difficult time articulating my feelings on a good day, fuck i mean i have a hard time identifying my feelings on a good day. some combination of autism and cptsd and the sense that if i have feelings someone is going to die, maybe me, maybe someone else. if i have feelings, i get someone killed, is the thought process, which is a long story but. is extremely hard to work around, especially when i don’t see the point because taking active steps to make my feelings known and make them something someone else has to deal with is like. what’s the point. why do that.
so i don’t know what i feel. i feel strange and distant and not-sad and kind of angry at my sister and brother for some fucking reason and guilty and resentful and relieved. there’s some relief in there i think, because it’s like. i don’t know. i had the thought earlier, ‘oh thank gd’ which is. it sounds heinous but i now i’ll never have to choose between attending my sister’s wedding and not having to see him there, if i go back to my hometown and feel like there’s a monster stalking me from the shadows i can just tell myself the fucking monster’s fucking dead and he can’t ever hurt me again. nobody in my family is ever going to be able to pressure me to just talk to him already, just move on and let it go. reconcile, forgive, get past it.
(i don’t know how much any of them know. i have never discussed this with my parents or my sister and i never plan to. we’ve talked about some things in vague euphemisms and talked around it even more. when he got out of prison and then when he was done stalking us which he did for a while and got some help i guess and was doing a bit better my sister wanted to reconnect with him and i didn’t. i had panic attacks, i was terrified, i didn’t want anything to do with him and i didn’t want my sister anywhere near him and i remember all my mom had to say to me about that was ‘if it makes you feel any better, i could take him.’ i don’t know what to... i just don’t know.)
i dunno. i don’t know. when i visited my hometown and stayed at my parents’ house (my grandmother’s house, when i say ‘parents’ i mean her and my mom generally) i slept with a knife on my bedside table and a plan of how to get out the window because i’d heard that he’d started dropping by sometimes and i was too scared to sleep otherwise. he terrorized me. i have very few memories from before he went to prison and most of them are of being terrified for my life. of being chased through the house, staying above the garage because for some reason we couldn’t be in the house that night. sexual abuse that i can still barely handle thinking about. he haunts my nightmares regularly, even though i haven’t seen or spoken to him in seven years, didn’t see or talk to him very often before that. i have panic attacks in my sleep dreaming about him, enough that i have to be medicated for it.
he’s a person who was deeply troubled and sick and suffered unimaginably in his life and it’s just.... i know all of that and i just. i don’t know. i hope he’s at peace i guess. i know he never was when he was alive. i know i’m not at peace most of the time, largely because of the shit he did to me. i don’t know. i don’t know. my dad’s dead.
#abuse cw#death cw#i dont know man. i dont even know.#csa mention#very briefly but. yeah. i dunno.#this is heavy sorry#long post
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the end is near | eddie munson x reader
posting this here as well as my old blog because there’s a part two in the works hehe. xxx
summary: you’re with Steve, Robin, Dustin and Max when they find Eddie in Rick’s boathouse. You don’t know him, but he knows you. The two of you spend the night together, not knowing you’re sitting on the edge of the end of the world, and get to know each other.
word count: 5.5k
contains: 18+ !!! a recount/rewriting of the events of episode 2, angst (Eddie is terrified, obvs), bitchy!reader, fem!reader, use of y/n, implied/very light smut, weed, a Pretty In Pink reference, enemies to lovers (kind of), one-sided pining, lots of dialogue. it’s a bit bittersweet, but in my head the ending of s4 is very different. maybe there’ll be a part 2 idk I am a busy woman!!! also fluff. lol
author’s note: had this idea so long ago and I finally finished it! I hope the bits that are word-for-word rewrites of episode 2 aren’t too boring! I will also inevitably edit this tomorrow so sorryyyy. enjoy xxx
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It’s a cold March this year.
1986 has been a doozy so far – you’re out of school with nothing to do but doze off behind the counter of the record store downtown. It’s next door to Family Video, where your friends work: Robin, your life-long best friend, partner in crime, and (platonic) love of your life, and Steve Harrington, her unlikely new companion. Lunch breaks are spent by the bins out back, chatting shit and eating even worse shit from the diner across the street. But it’s nice enough; you have very little to complain about.
That is until one dull, frostbitten day, when your break is interrupted by two teenagers whose voices are far too loud for your liking. One’s a nerdy little kid, brown curly hair and a stupid baseball cap, whose enthusiasm for life seems way beyond your own, but the other, a sullen redhead wielding a skateboard and a serious case of resting bitch face, is more to your liking. You see yourself in her a lot.
They’re shouting wildly, arms flailing at Steve and Robin, and you catch the words missing, trailer park, Eddie.
You’re not an idiot; you’d seen the news that morning, same as everyone else in Hawkins. Eddie wasn’t entirely unfamiliar to you – he’d been doing his second senior year the year you’d done your first with Robin – but what you do know of him is unsavoury. He’s an unkind and boisterous individual who riles the basketball team up and deals drugs to kids, and you had wanted nothing to do with him.
You’re paying very little attention to what’s happening behind the counter, instead spending your limited minutes on break strolling aimlessly up and down the aisles, wondering whether you should rent a movie for that evening. A sudden grip on your wrist and tug of your arm shakes you clean awake, and without realising it you’re being pulled out of Family Video and into Steve’s car by a very frazzled looking Robin.
You are completely silent in the back seat. The car’s swamped by shouts between Steve, driving, and the louder kid, wedged in the trunk. You learn that his name is Dustin, and realise that this must be the one Steve moans about – never cruelly, always fondly. The girl, who you decide is called Red for the time being, is to your left, looking sullenly out the window.
You inch your hand across the leather between the two of you and tug lightly on the sleeve of her jacket. She turns to you, brows furrowed slightly.
“Are they always like this?” you murmur, leaning closer so she can hear you over the echoes of how do you know where you’re going?! and there is no way I’m getting the car up there and Steve, keep your eyes on the road!
She looks taken aback when you speak to her, almost as though she didn’t realise you were there at all.
“Yeah, most of the time,” she says, sharp and monotonous. God, she really is just like you.
“How do you put up with it?” you ask her, genuinely interested.
She reaches into her backpack between her feet and pulls out a Walkman and a pair of headphones. Giving you a sympathetic smile, she puts them on and pushes the heavy play button.
You lean forward and rest your chin on the side of the passenger seat in front of you. Robin’s turned towards Steve so she sees you, and when she shifts to look at you her face softens.
“Sorry about this,” she says, eyes genuinely apologetic.
“S’okay, just left the shop unlocked and ready to be robbed bare, but it’s fine,” you laugh. You really don’t care too much about your job, and you know the owner probably won’t notice that you took off for the afternoon. You’ll just miss a day’s pay.
You push the thought to the side.
“Where are we going?” you whisper to her, faces close enough that she can hear.
“Up to the lake. Henderson’s friend Eddie’s up there. We think, anyway,” she says.
“Eddie Munson?!” you exclaim, a little too loud for the small gap between yourself and Robin. She winces at the volume and the other voices in the car stop. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Red turn to look at you and take off her headphones.
You watch Robin take a breath as she starts to speak, but Steve cuts her off.
“He’s not a murderer, y/n, before you say anythi-“
“That’s not what the news said!” You sit back, away from Robin’s chair, and stare wide-eyed at Steve. His knuckles are white where he’s gripping the wheel.
“Shut up,” he bites. His voice is hard and it stings like a slap to the cheek.
“Fuck off,” you spit back, huffing and crossing your arms, slinking back into your seat. “This is crazy, Steve. Pull over and let me out, I’ll just walk back.”
“Y/n,” comes a voice right beside your left ear. It makes you jump out of your skin.
You turn to see Dustin Henderson leaning over the back seats. Your eyes drift to Red, who’s staring at the commotion.
“It’s y/n, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, well, hi. I’m Dustin.” He sticks his hand awkwardly over the seat, as if to shake yours.
After a confused beat of looking between it and his grinning face, you sheepishly take it in your own and shake lightly.
“Nice to meet you, kid,” you mutter.
“Eddie didn’t murder Chrissy,” Dustin begins. “He wouldn’t, he’s a good guy.”
“Yeah, right,” you grumble.
“Seriously. She died, but he didn’t kill her. We think we know-“
“HENDERSON!”
All three of the other people in the car scold him, loudly and in unison. You’re more confused than you were when you left the video store at this point.
“What?!” Dustin shouts.
“Just- Everyone shut up, please?” Steve begs. His grip is still white with tension around the wheel, and you see Robin give him a sympathetic look before turning to look out of her window. Red’s doing the same to your left. “We’re like five minutes away. Just be quiet.”
He’s not wrong. He puts the car in park a few minutes later, and through the sparse trees you can see a run-down looking shack.
You have so many questions buzzing around your brain but you choose to remain silent, scared in part by the stoic expression on Steve’s face.
“Rick!”
“Henderson, seriously?” Steve sighs as Dustin walks away from the car, towards the shack, yelling the name of a convicted drug dealer like he’s looking for his cat in the garden.
The rest of you follow him with flashlights, but when you get to the house it seems completely empty. In fact, it’s as if no one has been here for months – from what you can see through the grubby windows, the living room is covered in a thick layer of dust.
Ding.
You and Steve whip round to find Dustin stood at the front door, ringing the bell.
You hear Steve huff out a “what the-“ before Dustin begins rapidly pressing the bell and banging on the door.
“Okay. Well, that’s settled. I guess he’s not here,” Steve says, defeated.
They’re so intent on getting through the door that they don’t spot Red – but you do. She’s creeping around the side of the building, so you follow her.
Before you round the corner, you hear her yell, “hey, guys.”
When you catch up to her, she’s pointing at an old boathouse down by the lake. It’s derelict. Perfect for hiding a fugitive.
Carefully skirting down the banking, the five of you wander around the building. It’s dark now, the sun still going down early, and this whole thing’s got you spooked.
Robin’s the first inside, pushing the creaking metal door open, and as the rest of you follow, you feel the anxious well in your gut getting deeper. You cling to Steve’s jacket, and he doesn’t ask questions. Instead, he extends his arm behind him, and you take his hand wordlessly.
It’s quiet inside, the floor creaky and it smells of rotting wood. You separate, each of you heading in a different direction, flashlight beams dotting around the room. There’s a boat hanging in the middle of the room, and you nearly trip over old beams and boat stuff a couple times.
A loud noise and Dustin saying, “what are you doing?!” makes you jump again. You spin round to see Steve with an oar in his hand, prodding tarps and boxes with it.
“What are you doing?” Dustin repeats, voice hushed.
“He might be in here,” Steve shrugs, still beating a pile of tarp.
“So take the tarp off!”
“If you’re so brave, you take the tarp off.”
“I thought you guys said he didn’t murder her,” you say bluntly.
Dustin looks at you with a hurt expression. It instantly makes you feel bad.
“Hey, look over here.”
Red’s stood across the room, by a table. You and Robin join her, and you see she’s found a mess of empty beer bottles and food wrappers.
“Maybe he heard us. Got spooked and ran,” Robin suggests.
“Don’t worry, Steve will get him with his oar.” Dustin’s sarcasm doesn’t do much to dispel the strange tension filling the musty room.
“I know you think you’re being funny, Henderson,” Steve retorts. “But considering the fact that everyone in this room has nearly died a hundred times, personally, I don’t find it funny in the-“
Before you can begin to try to process the fact that he just said everyone here has nearly died before, and numerous times, something – or someone – comes flying out from under the tarp Steve had been battering.
Everything happens very quickly. You guys realise it’s Eddie – he’s difficult to mistake for anything other than a wild animal, but the very iconic denim vest gives him away – and soon he’s got Steve backed against a wall with what looks like a broken glass bottle at his neck. There’s a lot of shouting and screaming, and from where you’re stood you can see the incredible look on Eddie’s face.
It’s one of fear, sure, but it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before. He looks terrified, eyes wide and sunken.
“Eddie! Eddie, stop, it’s me, it’s Dustin, this is Steve. He’s not gonna hurt you, right, Steve?”
From underneath Eddie’s huge hand around his neck, Steve chokes out a right, yeah, and drops the oar on Dustin’s command. You watch Eddie visibly relax, although his guard is very clearly still up, and find yourself thinking that he actually looks quite good, until you shake the thought away, because he’s a murderer and you’re in the room with a murderer and he might murder you and all your friends and why the fuck are you here again?
Eddie’s eyes are flitting around the room, across the familiar and unfamiliar faces, and when they land on yours you feel yourself stiffen.
There’s some more tense interaction, but between them, Dustin and Robin bring Eddie down. The whole situation sends your head a bit fuzzy, and even while you’re hanging back, behind everyone else, you feel unbearably exposed. There’s exchanged names wherein you learn that Red is really called Max, and when Dustin tries to introduce you, he says, “actually, I don’t know who y/n is, but she’s cool, okay?”, and you wish the kind words of a teenager weren’t making you feel so rosy on the inside.
Eddie’s very clearly panicked, and when Dustin tells him you guys are just there to talk, he says, “you won’t believe me.”
You’re taken aback by this, having been so sure he’d just deny everything straight up, but then Max says, “try us.” And so he does; he recounts the most batshit story you’ve ever heard. And while you stand there, arms crossed defiantly across your chest, your mouth hangs agape. But then you look around and see that everyone else, even Robin, seems entirely undisturbed by this elaborate story.
“You all think I’m crazy, right?” Eddie says between sarcastic scoffs and what you’re sure are tears.
“No. We don’t think you’re crazy,” Dustin responds.
For a kid, Henderson is damn good at being reassuring.
“Speak for yourself,” you mutter under your breath. You think it’s quiet enough, but you realise you’re mistaken when everyone turns to look at you. Including Eddie.
“We believe you,” Robin says calmly, turning back to look at Eddie. He looks at her, really looks at her, and then Dustin says, “Look, what I’m about to tell you might be a little difficult for you to take.” And he turns to you, and says, “both of you.”
You look at the faces around the room, bewildered, and then Robin nods over to Eddie. It takes you a moment, but you realise she wants you to go sit next to him.
You’re a stubborn person by nature, and so you stand rooted to the spot for a brief moment, until the daggers she’s shooting at you through her eyes force your feet to move. You take a few creaky, uneasy steps over to him, and sit as far along the box he’s using as a seat as you can.
He eyes you suspiciously, but turns back to Dustin, satisfied.
To describe your emotions in the following minutes would be to attempt the impossible.
Dustin, Robin, Steve and Max stand around yourself and Eddie and tell you an otherworldly story – literally – about parallel dimensions, monsters they’ve named after Dungeons and Dragons characters (this particular detail seems to entertain Eddie, though it’s lost on you), and a girl you’ve never met who can read minds or something. It’s all impossible to take in; your brain becomes impenetrable, and you refuse to believe any of it. Eddie’s right there with you, until they start asking him questions about ‘dark particles’ and Chrissy’s death.
“You know, I tried to wake her, man. She couldn’t move. It was like she… she was in a trance or something,” Eddie says.
“Or under a spell,” Dustin offers, a layer of concern coating his voice.
“A curse.”
“Vecna’s curse.”
It’s this revelation, which appears to happen only between the two of them, that changes everything. You’re still sat next to Eddie, but you feel further away from this conversation than ever. None of it makes any sense.
It’s so dark out by now that it must be late. Steve and Robin decide that you’ll leave Eddie there for the night and come back with supplies in the morning, but Dustin isn’t satisfied.
“He can’t be here alone,” he insists. “What if something happens? One of us should stay with him.”
“None of us have time to stay with him, Henderson,” Steve barks. When Robin had told you he’s like a mother around these kids, you’d thought she was exaggerating. She wasn’t. “He’ll be fine on his own.”
“No, Dustin’s right,” Max says, giving Eddie a sympathetic smile. “It’s kinda dangerous to just leave him out here.”
There’s more bickering, Steve insistent that there’s no use anyone staying, Robin adding that they all have lives to live and it’ll look super duper suspicious if one of them just disappears, Eddie maintaining that he’ll be fine, just fine.
“I’ll stay.”
Your words cut through the arguing like a whip, the crack splitting the noise. Everybody turns to look at you, once again.
You’re stood away from the little circle that’s formed, by the box you’d been sat on, with your arms crossed over your chest. This time, it’s for warmth, rather than out of your usual stubbornness.
You’re not sure what made you say it, really; you don’t particularly like Eddie, but there’s something about the way he recounted the events with Chrissy that pulls a certain empathetic heartstring. You don’t know why.
Maybe you can find out.
“Y/n, you have work,” Steve says.
“I’ve already bailed all afternoon. They don’t care that much.”
“But what about your pare-“
“It’s fine.” Your words are hard and final, and Steve closes his mouth.
Robin treads over to you, face soft again.
“Are you sure about this? We dragged you out here without telling you anything, you don’t have to do this.”
“It’s fine. Just bring us some stuff in the morning. Eddie could do with some company, I’m sure.” You look at him, at where he’s stood. He’s mirroring Steve’s position, hands on his hips, and he shrugs.
“Would be nice, I guess.”
“I’ll be fine,” you say, turning back to Robin and giving her arm a squeeze.
“Okay. We’ll be back in the morning. No mischief, okay?” she says with a laugh, looking between the two of you. Everyone else seems to soften a little. She comes in closer, and whispers, “be nice, okay?”
“Yes, sir,” you reply.
The four of them leave you with flashlights and a few snacks Dustin found in Steve’s trunk. It’s cold and wet and generally fairly miserable all round, and quite soon you begin to question why on earth you offered to do this at all.
Eddie’s returned to the spot where he’d been hiding under the tarp. He’s cracked open a box of Cheesits, and so you take the chance to wander around the room, looking for anything that looks remotely warm.
“So, y/n,” Eddie pipes up, making you jump. “How’ve you been?”
You suppose the small talk was inevitable, so you indulge him. “Good, I guess. Better than you.”
“Ooh, scathing,” he gloats, with a dramatic hand clutched to his chest.
“Three goes at senior year doesn’t exactly sound like fun, Munson.”
“I’ll have you know I’m in love with Miss O’Donnell so I will keep failing her class until she falls in love with me too,” he says, and the attempt at a joke gets a genuine laugh out of you. You don’t miss how it makes the corner of his mouth turn up, even in the darkness. “I see you at Trax sometimes, y’know.”
“Oh, yeah? How come I’ve never seen you?” You’re surprised he’s ever noticed you enough to remember where you work.
“Oh, I never have the money for that place.”
You’re unconvinced by his excuse; you’ve got the distinct feeling he’s hiding something. He gives himself away by tripping over his words slightly.
“It’s a secondhand record store, Eddie. And you deal drugs.”
“Mm-hmm, that I do, but I’ve got a precious van to spoil with my riches.”
“Is it the same one as always?”
“Oh, so you remember her, do you?” He’s beaming at you now, clearly humoured by the fact that you remember him.
“Hard to forget a bright green van in the school parking lot.”
He chuckles at this, and you continue moving around, pulling things out that look like they could be soft and not made of plastic.
“This is the only blanket I could find,” Eddie says from behind you.
You turn and look at him and see that he’s pointing to a pile of something on the floor by his feet.
“No jumpers or anything?” Even though you layered up, you dressed for record store cold, not sleeping-in-a-boathouse cold, so you’re in a mini skirt, wool tights and a sweater.
“Nuh-uh. Here, take it,” he says, toeing the pile with his sneaker. You step over to him, across the rotting wood floor, and sit beside him on the tarp. He pulls the blanket up and tries to shake it out, and you reach up and help him so that you can spread it across the both of you before he tries to deny you. It’s thick, and seems to be padded with something, so it’s good enough for now.
He makes more conversation with you, asking about work and life after graduation. You ask about D&D, and you notice way his eyes widen when you keep going. You’re genuinely interested in it and he loves talking about it.
“I read Lord of the Rings when I was a kid, I love shit like that,” you tell him between handfuls of Cheesits, and he thinks you might be some kind of angel. You’re starting to warm to him, too; you no longer think he’s a murderer, at least.
“So you really remember me from school?” he asks you.
“You’re a little difficult to miss, Eddie,” you tell him, smiling. It’s true – he’s so loud, and tall, and his hair’s been long for a while now. He drives that stupid green van and plays metal so loud the whole parking lot hears him coming. And in the cafeteria, he’s never quiet.
“Yeah, but you were cool. Didn’t think cool people really noticed me, unless it’s Jason Carver trying to kick my ass,” he admits, and it makes your heart ache a little. He underestimates himself, firstly, and secondly, who the fuck does Jason Carver think he is?
“I was not cool. I had one friend.”
“Yeah but you’ve always been cool, you know. You were nice to me, and you always dressed pretty well.”
“What does that mean?!” You’re shocked at this confession of his. You try so hard to look like you don’t care that sometimes you think it works too well – you can’t believe that someone’s actually noticed any of this.
“I don’t know, you just always look good!” Under the sparse light of the moon, you watch as Eddie Munson blushes before you.
“Well, thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” he says, tone half-joking.
“I always thought you were an asshole,” you confess frankly.
“Now what does that mean?!” You look at his shocked expression and can’t help but laugh.
“Seriously?! You used to shout shit at people in the hall, you were always winding someone up. And that time you made Tammy Thompson cry in front of everyone? That was not cool.”
He shuts his mouth at this, and again you see a flush creep up his neck. Except this time it’s combined with a strange look on his face. His mouth’s turned down and his brows are too, like he’s sad.
“I don’t wanna make excuses for that,” he starts, and you give him A Look that says, but you’re going to anyway. He rolls his eyes playfully at you, but returns to his sombre expression, and continues. “I was an asshole, but there were… reasons.”
You don’t say anything, wanting to hear his reasons.
“There was… a lot going on, with my dad and stuff, and I think I took it out on other people. Not fair, I know,” he adds in response to the condescending look on your face. “But also Tammy Thompson nearly made me cry, so-“
“What?!” you say through a loud, barking laugh.
“Her and her friends were dicks. Steve Harrington being one of them,” he grumbles.
“Oh, so that explains the bottle,” you say, laughing at him, a little dramatic. This is fun, you think. You like talking to him.
“What d’you mean?”
“I did really think you were gonna kill him,” you say. “Partly ‘cause I thought you’d just killed Chrissy, but- shit, sorry, fuck. Shit. Sorry.” You realise you’ve brought it up, the fateful elephant in the room. You see his face drop.
“It’s, uh… it’s okay.” He lifts an arm to scratch at the back of his neck, and you wonder if he always does that when he’s anxious.
An awkward, stuffy silence blooms between the two of you and you wish the rotting floorboards would finally give way so that something could free you from this embarrassment. You fiddle with the rings on your fingers in your lap and feel an unbearable prickling warmth up your neck.
“Hey,” you hear Eddie say beside you, voice soft. He shifts where he’s sat so he’s turned to face you, his legs crossed. “It’s fine, seriously. It’s just still all so… fresh.” You feel oddly comforted by his confession of his anxieties, but his face makes your heart ache again. He’s so concerned, clearly traumatised, and it brings something to the boil within you.
“Eddie,” you whisper, too scared to speak any louder. Everything suddenly feels incredibly still and silent and you don’t dare do anything that might startle him.
He looks up at you with those big, round, sad eyes.
“It’s going to be okay,” you tell him. You have no idea if it’s true, or if you should be saying it, but that something within makes you.
He laughs an awkward, sarcastic laugh, and says, “I don’t think it is, y/n.” You don’t know what to say to this, but then he says, very earnestly, “thank you, though.”
“It’s okay,” you whisper back.
“You always were so nice to me,” he tells you again.
“I just wasn’t mean to you, Eddie. Your standards aren’t very high.”
“No, I always thought you were nice. Kind.”
That flush comes back into your cheeks; his words give you butterflies. It reminds you of high school, of those fleeting crushes that feel like Armageddon.
He really does look good, if tired. His eyes are red and sunken, his hair’s a matted mess, but he’s very pretty.
He looks like he needs a hug.
You twist around and up onto your knees in a way that feels like your body’s on autopilot. Pushing up off the ground, you wrap your arms around a very unsuspecting Eddie, who freezes in your grasp. You wind them under his arms and across his back and squeeze, squishing your face into the rough collar of his vest. It takes him a moment, but he appears to come to, bringing his arms around you, too. He gives you a grateful squeeze in return and settles his nose into the junction of your neck and your shoulder, and you hear him mumble “thanks,” into your sweater.
You’re not sure how long you stay like that with him. It’s likely no more than a minute or so, but it feels like forever. He smells funny, a concoction of weed, Cheesits, a cologne you can’t place, and the musky smell of the boathouse. It’s a comforting smell nonetheless.
He thinks you smell divine. Perfume, but not too much, washing powder, and weed, too. There’s a warmth there somewhere that smells like home.
You pull back when your knees begin to ache, but his arms don’t let you go too far, so you scoot closer so you can sit back on your heels anyway.
“See? Always so nice,” he says softly.
You look him in the eye as he speaks, and watch as he studies your own face. Before you is a boy, a scared boy, and he’s crying.
“Eddie, are you-“
“I’m okay,” he says through a laugh and tears. Those seem to come in a pair for Eddie, like he can’t take his own emotions seriously enough.
You offer him a frown and brush the wild hair out of his face. He drops his arms from around you as you awkwardly reach up and use the hair tie on your wrist to tie it back.
“Can see you better now,” you say as you finish the final loop.
“How do I look?” he asks lowly with a smirk.
“Lovely,” you say back.
His smirk turns warm and he lifts a hand to your face. You’re not sure exactly what’s happening, but he just tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. It’s like a scene in a movie, where you’re rooting for them to just kiss already, except you’re sure that’s not where this is going.
Surely not?
“Can I tell you something?” His eyes are bouncing around your face, your hair, anywhere but where you want them - on yours.
“Sure,” you say, nervous.
He takes a slow breath in through his nose, and then he says, “I had a crush on you when you were at school.”
God, what the fuck?
“What?”
“I had a crush on you. A pretty big one, actually.”
You can’t help but laugh. All those years spent thinking Eddie Munson was an asshole, and all the while he was pining after you. The idea is hilarious.
Even though he’s laughing too, at your silly, stupid laugh, he says, “why are you laughing at me?! That’s like the worst thing you can do right now!”
“I hated you!”
“Yeah, well, I liked you!”
The two of you sit there laughing together, and it feels oddly fun to be sat here with a fugitive in a rotting boathouse, unknowingly on the edge of the end of the world, giggling about high school crushes.
“You’re less of an asshole than I thought,” you admit to him.
“Thank you very much, that makes me feel better,” he says, beaming.
Eddie’s a very hard to read individual, you think. But here, he suddenly seems to be baring all for you, and it’s unusual. You’re not a very approachable person, but he doesn’t seem to care.
“You should come into Trax more often, Eddie.”
“Can I tell you something else?” He’s straight-faced now and you’re giggling, blithely unaware of his racing heart.
“What?”
“I still have a crush on you.”
You stop laughing and stare at him. He’s not laughing, either, his face instead etched with worry.
“What?”
“I avoid Trax because I have a crush on you. You’re always fuckin’ in there, and you’re kinda intimidating.”
You know this is true. Plenty of people have told you before, and even if they hadn’t, Robin, who is notoriously terrible at reading social cues and even worse at listening when infant you told her to go away, was your only friend until you met Steve. It’s not difficult to read the room.
But he’s Eddie. Eddie Munson. If anyone’s intimidating, surely it’s him.
“I-“
“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything.”
“No, I-“
“Seriously, y/n, it’s fine, I know you-“
You shut him up with a hard, hot kiss to his mouth (kind of – you don’t quite get your aim square-on because he moves a lot when he talks). Just like he did when you hugged him, he freezes, so you move back to sit on your heels again, and say with a smile, “would you shut up for a second?”
The blanket’s around your knees now, forgotten; the heat under your skin from Eddie’s confession is enough to keep you warm.
He stares at you, finally looking you in the eye again, and smiles. It’s a slow, easy smile.
Before you know it, he’s leaning over to you and kissing you back. You snake your arms around his neck and pull him in, but you lose your balance on your aching knees and topple to the side, pulling him with you.
Through laughs and huffs of pain, the two of you stand up and brush yourselves off. You’re incredibly close to each other; his face is right there, and kissing him felt really nice, and you want to do it again so badly. But he moves before you can, hands flying to the sides of your head and pulling you in so close your nose is crushed with his and you can’t really breath. You don’t mind, though, because you’re up on your tiptoes and your hands are on his arms and your lips feel like someone’s shot 8 volts through them.
There are teeth and tongues and your hands move around to grip the front of his tired Hellfire shirt. You slot your legs either side of one of his to get as close as you can, and when the pressure of his knee hits that spot between your thighs, you whine into the kiss.
But then it disappears, and so do his lips, so you grumble and he laughs at you.
“I am not doing this for the first time in here,” he says. “I want to, trust me, but not here.”
You want to argue with him so badly, but you can’t. He’s right; it’s disgusting.
“Here,” he says, lowering himself to sit back down. His hand takes yours and pulls you with him, so you’re straddling him.
“You’re trying to stop me having sex with you by making me sit on your lap?” you ask with a smirk.
“Don’t,” he scolds, and you try to hide the way his authoritative tone makes you whimper. You don’t succeed.
-
The two of you get a couple hours sleep, but you wake up when the birds do. It’s early, and you’re both groggy, but you braid his hair to pass the time and teach him how to braid yours, and you find a pack of cards on a table by a window, so he teaches you to play Solitaire. And then, an hour or so after the sun comes up, there’s a noise outside.
You’re both on edge, but it’s just Steve, Robin, Dustin and Max with cereal and beer and news, good and bad.
They answer your questions, and don’t pry when you sit right next to Eddie, thighs flush, or when you hold his hand when Dustin tells you that the police are looking for him. And though none of you know what the next days bring, or how much your lives will change, you’re very grateful that you’re not facing it alone.
-
#eddie x reader#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fluff#eddie stranger things#eddie munson#stranger things#stranger things 4#stranger things fanfic#stranger things fic#eddie x y/n#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x reader
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I know how to make Laurence even worse, listen:
Okay so, I think Laurence only condoned Logarius and Executioners to do Cainhurst massacre AFTER Maria's suic1de, because he knew darn well she'd cause a problem in his plan to eliminate Vilebloods (and get Umbilical Cord from Annalise). But what if!!!!!
What if Laurence COULD absolutely see Maria's suic1dal urges coming... and he LET that happen. He LET those feelings fester and bloom, he LET the doctors (Micolash maybe?????) go too hard on Adeline with experiments and cause her to give out, he LET Gehrman, the one person that could have helped to be oblivious about Maria's mental state..... pulling strings from the shadows - or not doing anything - in the ways that'd push her towards the edge, so the "problem" removes itself
Sorry, I had to share this because everyone else should suffer with me, lol. Have a good day 👍
Oh my...the ANGST !!!!!! 😭 the drama!!! LAURENCE WHY !?
Can you stop screwing people's life (and your own)... FOR 5 MINS !!!!!
Ok thanks for the ask, thanks to it I will take the occasion to finally share my headcanons about how I see their relationship across the years >:) (main headcanon, fic verse if you prefer).
So i already explain, (i think), but for me, Laurence is an extremely nuanced character. I mean by this that i don’t think he’s the ultimate devil yet but i don’t think he’s just an only poor mew mew misguided guy either, who was trap in smt out of his control. Nah for me he’s kinda a mixt/ more nuanced character who evolve a lot during his life.
So now i will share my headcanons with his relationship with Maria. Not many people talk about it and most of the takes i see are well not mine. But we don’t have much in canon so i can understand it’s tricky to imagined. But! Maria ended working at the research hall right ? (That she was in charge or under the doctors is another pb) but that mean that well there’s a connection. She joined and fight for the Healing church too! And worked with them! Hide the biggest secrets of them and Byrgenwerth! It’s not nothing! It’s s huge!
So i think at first their relationship was quite great at first! Then it spiraled down…
Let’s cut it with Byrgenwerth time, the hunter/early church era and post fishing hamlet so it’s simpler (respectively the 3fics i try to planned xD)
Byrgenwerth :
So Maria was a student here and Laurence basically one of her teachers. He’s a chill, cool and young teacher, Maria like him and think his classes are the most interesting.
Laurence had quite a harsh time on his first years studying at Byrgen so he try to be attentive to the need of his students. (He always check on Caryll, Rom etc or ask like Gehrman to check and tell him if he noticed smt weird)
Maria who don’t really have much friends at the beginning and is really often alone remind him a lot of himself at first.
But yeah funniest shit how Gehrman become close acquaintance with Maria almost the exact same way he become close acquaintance with Laurence all this years ago xD (i won’t say more about it but Laurence was quite surprised)
So anyway times pass it’s going smoothly and all the Byrgen gang hang around each other more and more (outside class too)
Maria and Caryll are still amazed that Laurence was the coolest bio and theology teacher because of what he could do when drunk xD that man was crazy (spoiler he got more serious but he become worse lol)
Also Laurence maybe accidentally save her life by giving her a free blood vial 💀(Willem don’t agree with that but he doesn’t need to know lol and hey it helped)
And later when blood was stolen from Cainhurst and Maria was completely clueless and confused he advocated for her with Gehrman. (+ advocate to cainhurst so she could stay with them + let’s be real it was first to get money to emancipate himself from Byrgen xD)
---
So a bit later when the first hunts begins? (Or a bit before idk).
Well before Laurence became a grand Vicar with tons of responsibility they all pass times as friends ! Like this yeah xD)
He gave her a freaking chalice for her exploit in the labyrinth and a blood transfusion wow!
Also i think he converted her to religion. (Or at least their religion)
Ok Let me explain. I don’t think Cainhurst are super religious? I think they’re closer to the 2.0 pthumerians. You know before the great ones were their leaders/ gods. Then they disappear and the pthumerians crown leader of their own : aka pthumerians queens and all. I think cainhurst is similar in that sense, at first. And i need to show how Laurence managed to got so many followers !
Maria’s a pyromancer and he learnt about it at some point. Quite funny how he found out even if he was suspicious of smt xD)
Maria hate that aspect of her bc she don’t want to be like the shadow of Yharnam and use her blood to hurt and kill people because smn told her to (aka royal family) she always resent that aspect of her.
Laurence think it’s incredible, that it’s a gift from the great ones! But That she could use how she want, if she want. She could used it to protect the great ones they’re looking for instead ! It’s way closer and prefer that.
That’s a big part on why she joined the healing church.
Also Laurence is this good religious figure that people follow and look for validation and the church was the guardian of the hunters after all.
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So after the hamlet… when everything went down…
Laurence became to change even more after that. Even after he became vicar maybe he got a lil messiah complex + begin to dissociate with lot of things & people but it got worst.
Especially after our lil group loose smn quite important to them… Laurence loose it and instead of « oh maybe we should stop or be more careful so it won’t happen again » he’s like : « ok we need to make sacrifice to ascend. Let’s do it » he was one of most affected by it but… in a bad way he completely dissociated and was more and more antipathetic. He was already ok with sacrificing you know sick people, who are gonna turned into a beast anyway but a friend? Oh well… he decided he won’t go back.
While Maria spiraled more and more down…he always had reassuring words but at some points and didn’t work greatly. And her, who never question the church really begin to wonder if everything worth it. What if what they’re doing is bad and useless? + she begin to cause trouble and confront Laurence about it. He was really annoyed… at some points he even ask Gehrman to do smt about it. Anything he wanted so she would chilled out and calmed down… the hunter was really confused 💀(and freaking tired too)
So Maria and Laurence relationship become more complicated.
About the Vilebloods too… first they were allies and before Maria died they ended up fighting each others. She had to stop them in front of the grand cathedral from fighting 💀 so not good either… relations were really tense… but the massacre happened 10-20y later in my timeline so
Then what happened happened… Maria killed herself and reasearch hall was a huge mess in part bc of this. (Patients revolt and a part were already dead)
Laurence was quite shock… really. And confused. But other feel sadder of course. But he was still touched by it. A bit. It remind him that they might make the sacrifce to loose close ones. But then he needed to clean all this big messes and send a letter to cainhurst That was not a good time for him either. Still he move on. Not like one of his friends… (another story)
So there. Hope i don’t forget anything but it’s a good summary for now.
#bloodborne#bloodborne headcanons#lady maria of the astral clocktower#laurence the first vicar#i have so much thoughts on a few realationships!!!
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how do you know you wont act upon the urges? doesnt the whole "searching out for more" thing about porn still apply to paraphilias? do you not fear of getting too comfortable and accepting of your paraphilias? how do you not fear of slipping up and acting on them?
Tw rape and paraphilia discussion
Here’s the thing you don’t know me lmao. I just make little tumblr post’s and that isn’t indicative to who I am as a person 24/7.
You have to accept your paraphilias actually that’s a healthy thing to do. You might be getting acceptance crossed with encouragement. You might wanna check my b3astiality tag but some studies found that actual beastiality isnt often committed from sexual attraction it’s usually motivated from other means. I think more often its commited sadozoophilia or sadistic zoophilia where you enjoy animals in pain.
I dont have that lol, i also am not afraid im gonna “do it” because i cant even act out my zoophilia specifically cause i only like animals x animals. So if i “lost it” the worst thing i could do is idk?? Watch animals get nasty like a little creep. Issue is i also only really get sexually attracted to animals like threatening wolves. So id specifically have to seek out tigers? Cause thats kinda close, even then its iffy. Probably isn’t gonna do anything for me tbh cause its still so far off.
It means typically what’s happening is my system is getting down w it internally or someone wants to do feral rp. You could commission art i guess. That’s still not that “crazy”
Let’s pick something else though. I have a few paraphilias and my zoophilia is basically useless. It’s not something I’m ever worried about but how about biastophilia or rape. That’s if you ask me much more worrying. Very real world and very easy to do.
That one specifically, because of my extensive sexual abuse history is what I’d call my “problem paraphilia” it also isn’t really recognized as one officially but thats okay this is more about answering the question “how do you handle impulses?”
I have gone and done extensive therapy for trauma, I’ll be honest pre-therapy i committed minor or major acts with sexual assault. So it’s a very alive problem. Because of DID i also didn’t even know i did this until roughly last year. So thats cool. Here’s what helps impulses I’ve found for paraphilias that actually have teeth and can cause serious harm.
Trauma associated with the paraphilia has to be treated, its a strong motivator to act. I did EMDR and still do it works very well for me. Secondly finding an outlet and appropriate expression is important it doesn’t have to be BDSM it could just be breaking things in a controlled area or drawing, walking, something to let out the energy that fulfills you and makes you feel safe.
You can still do BDSM, CNC does scratch the itch pretty well but what I find solves it more are trauma related grounding techniques. I have to avoid and neutralize triggers, do grounding techniques, toss in some DBT and CBT. Its an art form.
Do I feel like im gonna slip up ever? Honestly, yeah. Sometimes I feel out of control and it’s developed into a paranoia of “its gonna happen im a monster ect” that circles back to grounding and trauma therapy. I have my own set of grounding techniques when I feel that way. I do them until I become confident again that I’m okay and stable. If I can’t seem to that I do old reliable. Get the fuck away from me. I’m out of here im chilling in my room alone until this shit gets better.
Since the “paraphilia” or impulse is trauma based. I find i am most dangerous when someone tries to rape me. How ironic! This has happened a lot unfortunately and became a legitimate defense mechanism. I am quite happy to be monogamous now because instead of dealing with shit heads i get to be with my partner. If someone starts acting that way towards me now its easier to blow them off because i can justify thats cheating. So none of that bullshit.
Since my ex raped me a lot. Were talking upwards of 100+ cause it was weekly for 8 years. If i see someone that looks like him i can get a little angry that way. But after therapy its been pretty died down. It’s not a very visceral reaction i can accept the emotions and move on.
In summary, i think most paraphilias if theres is no harm specifically in their definition its not gonna be a problem. When it is though it’s best to learn DBT and CBT i enjoyed EMDR and my therapist helped me understand the signs before you commit to an impulse. Which will look different for everyone. You have to accept its a part of you as well. I didn’t pre therapy which meant i never understood until it was to late what i wanted to do. Recognizing your past, your impulses and how that’s also you and then embracing them and giving those parts of yourself resources to cope better is so hard. But it’s extremely important to do. It’s not beneficial for the person acting out those things either. It comes with guilt, shame the inability to trust yourself. Thats why it’s so important to even acknowledge its there.
With my sexual abuse it’s a family tradition/s the one that they all have in common is no one accepts it. No one talks about it. No one addresses it. You have to accept these things or else the cycle doesn’t stop. Hope that answers your question :>
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ASK GAME! ♡
what your moots would be like as kpop idols! (an idol and what they’d be like as an idol!)
SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY !! but here u go :)) !!! i did a random picker wheel for this, so if you don’t get mentioned here, blame it on the wheel 💔
sona ; @flwoie — hyunjae from the boyz
I HAVE A REASON 4 THIS. he’s just a perfect combination of chaos and calmness… sona is just that. like she would know when to be chaotic and when to be calm (okay professional). would def forget she has an IMAGE to protect n would talk abt her crushes in the industry … would def be those idols that have a secret acc to talk random bs abt others 😭 and no offense..would totally have a secret fan acc .. since she would be so chaotic, she would get into PLENTY of scandals — good n bad .
rei ; @soov — chanhee from the boyz + keeho from p1harmony
bye rei is gonna be the idol who will keep her delulu ass fans in check 😭😭 there would be plenty of tiktoks + youtube vids of moments of her … like the only reason she would go on vlive is prob question all the people commenting during the live … ALSO DEF THE MEMBER THAT TEASES THEIR MEMBERS !! do something and rei will NEVER let it go. she WILL make sure you remember your embarrassing moments. (does it out of love, she confirms.) BUT BESIDES THAT rei would def be such a kind idol :( she would care for her members + fans — like she would do anything 4 them . talk bad abt someone they care abt ? expect a long ass post of her putting u back into ur place . i think she would accidentally slip up and post smth on the official group acc 😭😭 BUT def will have so much fans 🙏🙏🙏 (im one of them, gonna have a rei fanpage)
sia ; @wonieleles — juyeon from the boyz
BYE sia would be those clueless + clumsy idols. she would be in her little own world — once she’s in, she can’t go out type of thing. like she could go viral for smth and she would be clueless abt it until someone told her irl. (idk, i just think so.) i can also imagine her slipping up abt someone she likes without her knowing until a week later … she knows the right moments of when to be serious n when she could be a little bit more chaotic … but when things get chaotic , it will get out of control 😭 like she could be trying to say smth but be4 she could get a word out, she would start laughing to herself. I FEEL LIKE HER FANS WOULD TROLL HER OUT OF LOVE 😭 like she would get edited to the most funniest shit ever n those would trend 😝 . AND ALSO . SECLA DROUGHT IS REAL WHEN IT COMES TO SIA . she would post once a month n dip . you would never see her again until a group vid is out. her fans would be struggling 💔💔 but whenever she does post, chaos erupts . anyways pretty wholesome idol even though she may not know what’s going on half of the time <3
miyu ; @ixomiyu — danielle from newjeans
MY LOVELY MIYU <3333 no cause she would def be those comfort idols that everyone loves :(( she just radiates sm positive energy that everyone would fall in love w her. she would be so kind to everyone n would def cherish all the letters + gifts fans give to her :( i can imagine her storing them away in such a safe place </3 adding onto that, she would do anything she could for her fans — whether it be making them stuff or giving them pcs . would def motivate others n take care of others before herself </3 stan miyu !!!!
esther ; @urszn — wonyoung from ive
i can’t really explain this one — esther IS wonyoung. she would be so iconic as an idol, EVERYONE would love her n i mean it 🙏 i expect lots of fans biasing her. like she could breathe and everyone would be on their knees. would prob make her fans CRAVE for her selcas cause she would post such good ones EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. everyone would go WILD every time she posts smth bc she wouldn’t disappoint 🙏 if she were able to create a personal ig acc, she would def be those aesthetic accs or post aesthetic pics (take idk yunjin for example). she would just know every single trend on this planet . anyways def would go viral for many things 🫶
xin ; @weoris — ningning from aespa
i don’t think i can explain this one either..xin just gives off ningning vibes. like aesthetic n fancy IDKKK. but also a hint of goofy 😭. she would be an idol many people have as a bias. or even a bias wrecker. BUT fans would love her sm, anything she posts, people would praise her automatically. like anything she does, people are head over heels (like me). would also get into a few dating scandals … not too serious though. would prob be a quiet idol around people she doesn’t know. but once she’s with people she likes, she starts being loud and starts being more comfortable. would def be everywhere — magazines, billboards .. JUST anything visible to the public eye. yes, that’s how iconic xin will be.
that is all the picker wheel chose 🫶
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