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dreamescapeswriting · 9 months

Text

Stray Kids Reaction || Putting Lotion On

Mature audience only, even though this is not smut it still has some explicit/mature themes, minors DNI

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - August 2023

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN:

It had been a while since you and Chan were last intimate, with everything that had been going on at work for you and between his schedules neither of you had made a lot of time for each other until tonight. The two of you had spent the entire day together, gone on the most romantic lunch date and even a nice night in on the sofa nothing could have been better. But it was now that was sticking in Chan's mind, you'd asked him to apply some lotion to your back and his fingers were working magic on your skin as you let out the softest whimpers that were like music to his ears.

"Thank you, baby," you hummed tiredly before rolling over onto your side and snuggling into the sheets, Chan was left a little stunned as he stared at where you had originally been sitting.

"What? You're going to sleep?" His voice cracked slightly as he watched you get comfortable. How could you just go to sleep after turning him on so much with the simple task of putting on lotion,

"Yeah, I have to be up at 4 I have a meeting. Aren't you?" You let out a small giggle, You knew he had to be at work early in the morning and even though his sleep schedule was bad you still had expected him to try and get some sleep.

"No...I-I have a problem." You rolled over a little to face him and he was blushing deeply, you frowned a little at him and he shifted to hide his crotch,

"Chan? Did you think I was asking you to do that so we could..."

"Yes." He answered since you were struggling to find the right way of asking him this question,

"Baby, I- I thought you'd be too tired," You sat up, reaching your hand out and placing it gently on his shoulder as he blushed even more. Was he a pig for just assuming that you'd sleep with him? It had been so long he was practically ready to beg for you,

"I'm never too tired for you," He met your gaze slowly and you smirked at him, leaning closer and gently placing your lips on his neck.

"Well in that case, how about I help you with your "problem"?" You whispered before biting down on his ear softly and dragging him closer to you.

MINHO:

"I've had the most stressful day," you mumbled as you walked into the shared bedroom to see Minho sitting on the bed waiting for you.

"What happened?" He chuckled, his eyes lingering on you as you walked around in nothing but a towel after your long shower. The two of you would do this every day, you'd catch up about work and sit and bitch to one another about everything that had been bothering you.

"One of the interns passed out and smashed their head on the corner counter. I'd rushed him to the hospital but only after getting blood everywhere. Then my boss wanted me to run errands all day," you mumbled before Minho stood up and made his way over to you, smirking at you in the mirror.

"How about I make you feel better?" He suggested with a darkened look in his eyes.

"Yeah? How?" He simply winked at you before reaching for your favourite brand of moisturizer and pulling the towel off your body.

"Go and sit on the edge of the bed," Your whole body was heated up with the sudden attention but you moved to the edge of the bed, sitting down and letting Minho work his magic on you.

The whole time his hands gently massaged the moisturizer into your skin you couldn't help but get more and more turned on, your whole body shivering with desire for him. But just as quickly as the touching started it had stopped and you let out a small whine of protest,

"I have to go, I'll see you in the morning though." Minho kissed your cheek and you stared at him,

"What?"

"We have the Pyjama party ASMR video to shoot tonight...I told you about it." You stared at him completely dumbfounded, you thought his applying lotion was his way of getting you ready to be in the mood and now all of a sudden you were being left high and dry

"But I thought you were...g-getting ready to, you know?" You gestured toward you both and then back to the bed and he chuckled a little.

"You thought I was trying to turn you on? Baby we both know I don't need lotion for that," He winked but you didn't even entertain him with a giggle, you glared at him as he smirked and left you alone promising to make it up to you tomorrow.

CHANGBIN:

When you'd suggested rubbing lotion into Changbin's skin he'd been a little taken aback by the suggestion but he wasn't going to turn it down, even now as you massaged the moisturizer into his skin he was letting out small whimpers and moans. It was turning him on a bunch and he knew you knew what you were doing to him, it had to have been the whole reason you'd suggested this "pamper night" to him in the first place.

"I'm going to go and shower," You told him as you finally finished putting the last lot of lotion into his skin, gently placing a small kiss on his shoulder as he let out a small whine of protest.

"You just spent all that time getting me hard and now you're leaving?" He stared at you as you made your way to the ensuite door, freezing when you heard him asking this.

"I did what?" You giggled a little, looking at him as you began to notice the pitch in the sheets and you bit down on your lip a little.

"Come on, don't tell me you didn't intentionally turn me on. We both know the kind of game you're playing," He winked at you and it felt as though your whole body was on fire. The two of you hadn't been intimate for a while, things had just slowly fizzled out and you'd placed that down to work stress or other complications in life.

"I turned you on?" You whispered a little shocked, all you'd done was apply some lotion to him so that his skin wouldn't begin to go dry or crack in places.

"You didn't mean to?" There was a complete switch up in Changbin's behaviour, the once cocky man was now blushing and whimpering as he tried to explain himself to you.

"I didn't mean I wanted to...I-I just...I thought that was your intention, we don't have to-" He could barely finish his sentence before you kissed him deeply and roughly, practically throwing yourself into his arms as he took your clothes off.

HYUNJIN:

Hyunjin was letting out a small whine as you applied pressure to his thigh, his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to ignore the cramping that was happening. All week long he'd been in pain with a sore thigh muscle and you'd been doing everything you could to make him feel better, Tonight seemed to be a little bit different, the cramping wasn't so bad but he was getting majorly turned on whenever you pressed the lotion into his skin.

"Hyunjin?" You giggled as you noticed his shorts beginning to grow tighter with each passing second and he looked down at you with a smirk on his lips.

"Sorry baby, I can't help it when you have your hands on me like this." He let out a small whine and your whole face heated at the sudden thought of him getting turned on just by your touch.

"I'm doing this so you won't be in pain." You reminded him, that the lotion you were applying had some soothing abilities and was supposed to stop muscle aches from the first use,

"I won't be in pain if we have sex though." He teased, running his hands over your shoulders as you slapped his hand away from you,

"You're such a pig," you teased, softly pushing him to sit down on the edge of the bed and work your hands on his thigh again, smirking as he continued to let out small whimpers of your name.

"Let me work my magic and I'll see about giving you what you want afterwards." You teased him.

JISUNG:

Jisung had been over the moon with excitement when you'd asked him to put some lotion on your back and arms, he'd started slowly with your arms and as he got to your back he'd begun to try some techniques he'd had done to him during a massage. The whole time he had this giant smile on his face, the thought of getting to make you feel good was making him so happy, not to mention he knew why you'd asked him to do this. The two of you had been too busy with work and your job to make time for being intimate with one another but tonight was your night off and you could finally spend some alone time together.

"There baby, all...done..." He frowned when he heard some soft snores coming from your lips and he moved to the side to see that you were out cold in front of him. How could you have fallen asleep through that? He was doing everything he could to turn you on, just like he thought you'd wanted.

"Babe?" He whispered, softly shaking your arm as you grumbled in protest, squeezing your eyes together as you tried not to blind yourself with the light.

"What?" You mumbled a little annoyed that he'd woken you up after you'd just gotten to sleep but you looked at him to see him blushing brightly.

"Why did you fall asleep?" You laughed a little and sat up on the bed, It was almost 10 at night and you were tired, it was no wonder you'd fallen asleep.

"Because it felt good?" You shifted off the bed and went to hunt for some PJs you could go to sleep in,

"But I thought you'd asked me to do it for you...as a form of foreplay?" You froze in place and slowly turned around to face your boyfriend who appeared to be looking a little confused.

"I-I just needed help with lotion." You giggled a little at the thought of him thinking it was your way of asking for sex, it was adorable.

"Oh."

"But if you're that horny Jisung, I can help," You smirked as you stood in front of him, slowly sinking onto your knees and running your hands up his thighs as he stuttered and stumbled to find the words to say.

FELIX:

The entire time Felix had been pampering you he'd been trying to keep control of himself but it was getting harder and harder with each passing second. His hands were sitting on your hips as he leaned in closer to you,

"Lixie?" You giggled when you felt his lips on the back of your neck, your whole body shivering at the sudden attention you were getting from him. You'd asked him to put some lotion on you because you'd been feeling a little dry lately but you hadn't expected this,

"What?" He chuckled softly, his hands slowly running down your thighs as you let out a small whine of his name, he knew that your thighs were your weakness.

"What are you doing?" You whispered, your body slowly turning to face him as he winked at you,

"Giving you what you wanted, baby."

"I wanted lotion," You nodded at the bottle that was now discarded next to him and his whole body burnt with embarrassment.

"You didn't want to have sex?" He stuttered a little and the two of you were now stuttering messes as you stared back at one another, a little shocked at where this had gone. It wasn't as though the two of you had never had sex before but it was still a little embarrassing for you to talk about so openly.

"Well...Y-Yeah but I didn't suggest lotion for it to lead to it." You slowly leaned into Felix and kissed him gently,

"But now you've gotten me in the mood, don't stop." You begged, biting down on his lip gently as he smirked at you.

SEUNGMIN:

You'd been sitting on his lap the whole time as you applied some lotion to his face to "keep his skin hydrated" but Seungmin could see right through you. He knew what you were trying to do and in front of all of the boys? He couldn't believe you were being this adventurous with him tonight. The two of you were spending the night at the dorms and were sitting in the living room with everyone when you suggested the lotion to him,

"Let's go to the bedroom." He whispered to you as you frowned,

"I promised I'd do this for Jeongin," you whispered back to him, Everyone was focusing on the movie that was playing and you didn't want to interrupt them.

"Hell no." He said suddenly and rather loudly causing eyes to fall onto you both as you frowened.

"It's just some lotion-" You tried to speak but he cut you off. There was no way Seungmin was going to let you sit on Jeongin's lap and do the same thing you had just done to him.

"You're not doing to him what you just did to me."

"What did I do to you?" You barely had time to ask when you were suddenly being ground down against Seungmin's crotch and your eyes widened.

"I didn't mean to...I-I thought I was just doing your skincare." You whispered to him as his eyes darkened a little.

"You knew exactly what you were doing." He mumbled as you shook your head at him, there was no way you were going to fuck under the same roof as 7 other men.

"No, and it's not going to happen tonight," you told him before tapping the tip of his nose and getting up from his lap, going to sit beside Jeongin so you could moisturise his face next.

JEONGIN:

Jeongin watched in fascination as you got all of your supplies ready for the night, your lotions waiting on the vanity for you.

"You want some lotion?" You questioned when you noticed his eyes watching you the whole time. His heart raced as he stared at you, you were standing naked in the bedroom and his mind was racing at all of the things he wanted to do to you. The two of you hadn't had sex in a while since he'd been on tour and tonight would be the first night together in a long time.

"I'd love some." He blushed, stripping down so that he was naked and you smiled to yourself, letting out a small giggle as you began rubbing the lotion into his shoulders. Slowly leading your hands down his arms and chest making sure you got all of his body and that his skin was properly hydrated. As soon as he was done you smiled proudly of yourself and moved away from his body.

"Done. I'm hopping in the shower, do you wanna go and make a hot drink?" You said as you headed to the bathroom, noticing your boyfriend's mouth was just hanging open,

"You're just going to shower after turning me on?" He was blushing, trying to hide his boner with a blanket that was on the bed and you let out a small giggle,

"I turned you on?" You wondered how you'd only applied some cream to his skin it wasn't as though you were doing anything particularly raunchy.

"I thought that was what you were meant to be doing?" He suddenly blushed as he watched you closely,

"No...I was just applying some lotion to you." You studied him for a second before smirking to yourself,

"Come and join me in the shower though,"

"But you just applied lotion." He didn't know why he was suddenly so bothered, he should have jumped at the chance to get in the shower with you.

"I can put more on you after," You smirked grabbing his hand and dragging him into the en-suite with you.

Tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @taestannie @acciocriativity @scarletemeterio @halesandy @aerastus @laylasbunbunny @critssq @lensfilm @btsiguess-kpop @djeniryuu @backintomykpopphaseagain @choisoorin

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inthe-dark-tonight · 8 months

Text

Falling into My Sins

chapter one: back in the alleyway

dbf!joel x fem!reader series- loosely inspired by the song skin by soccer mommy

chapter 2 chapter 3 chapter 4 chapter 5

summary: it’s your first night out since moving back with your dad after graduating college. while at the bar you meet an attractive mystery man and end up hitting it off. things get heated when you convince him to dance with you.

word count: 2.7k

series rating: E (18+ mdni)

warnings: no outbreak AU, age gap (reader is in their 20s, Joel is in his 40s) alcohol consumption, light swearing, slight dubious consent (things get heated while drunk), pet names (sweetheart, babe, etc.), no use of y/n, no physical description of reader.

notes: this is my first time really writing anything so i’m very nervous to post this , i've also been working on one other fic but i decided to post this first. thank you for taking the time to read and any feed back is welcome & appreciated xo <3

also thank you so much to @shatteredbaby for proof reading ily so much bby, and @pr0ximamidnight for also proof reading, letting me ramble like a maniac and helping me with ideas ilysm. i appreciate you both so so so much <3

It’s your first weekend going out since you’ve moved back home with your dad. You’ve just graduated from the Art institute of Chicago in the spring, but your lease wasn’t up on your apartment until August so you stayed near campus until then. Now that you’re back, some of your old friends from high school offered to take you out as a sort of welcome home. You’re just finishing getting ready when you get a text from your friend Aya.

We’re here!! Hurry up Dee is getting impatient!

You roll your eyes and smile. Typical. You’re a bit nervous since you haven’t seen them in about a year, but you’re sure once you’re out it will feel like you weren’t even gone. You throw on a jacket and run down the stairs, grabbing your keys as you go.

“I’m leaving!” You call out.

“Have fun bud!” Your dad shouts from the other room.

Your parents had recently divorced while you were away, so it’s just you and your dad now. You feel kinda bad leaving him alone when you just got back, but you’ll make up for it.

You close the front door behind you and run down your front porch towards Aya’s car. As you get closer, the passenger window rolls down.

“Ahhhhh you’re back!!!” Your friend, Dee, yells. You laugh at her reaction and open the back door to the car.

“Hey!” You slide in and buckle your seat belt.

Aya turns around with one hand still on the wheel. “Long time no see! Tonight’s gonna be fun,” she says with a smile.

“We’re taking shots as soon as we get there,” Dee says with a sly smile and you laugh, leaning back fully into the seat as Aya drives, heading for downtown.

As soon as the three of you find a bar, Dee keeps her promise and orders you all shots and they send you to find a booth while they wait for the order. There aren’t many people in the bar yet since it’s only nine, but it’s slowly filling up. You look around the place, taking in the large bar that runs across one wall with stools gathered around it and across from it is the booth seating you’ve sat in. There are a few high top tables scattered around the perimeter of the bar, a pool table to the right of the door next to the large dance floor in the center that’s currently empty, and the sounds of eighties and nineties rock hits filling the large room.

As you’re looking around, the door to the bar opens and two men walk in. The first man has long dark curly hair, a patchy beard, and he’s wearing dark jeans paired with a tan jacket and brown boots. The other man has shorter dark hair, a similarly patchy beard streaked with gray, and he’s wearing dark jeans paired with a green flannel and brown boots. He’s quite handsome, you think – broader than the first man, his frame stretching the fabric of the flannel to its limit. Your eyes flick back up to his face, taking in the curve of his nose, the crease between his brows and dark brown eyes. When your eyes meet, he’s looking right at you and you immediately glance away, embarrassed that he caught you checking him out. When you dare to look at him again, his gaze is still locked on you.

“Okay, let’s do this!” Dee says as the girls approach the table with a round of shots and a drink for each of you.

Your eyes snap away from the man’s and you smile at them, grabbing a shot glass.

“To celebrate your return home,” Dee says, raising her glass for you to toast against.

You tilt your head back letting the cold liquid slide down. You close your eyes and wince as the sour flavor with the aftertaste of vodka that burns your throat. When you open your eyes again you’re met with the stranger’s warm brown eyes on you still, a shy smile on his face before he turns towards the bar and leans on the wooden counter. You set the glass down on the table and look back to your friends.

The three of you sip on your drinks for about thirty minutes or so, talking about school and catching up on life. At some point while you were all catching up, the bar switched to playing early 2000s music as more people came in. You find your eyes wandering towards the gorgeous man every few minutes, admiring his side profile, the way his hand is wrapped around his beer bottle and his shirt is rolled up to expose his forearms.

You all finish your drinks and Aya is pulling you and Dee onto the dance floor. “Come on!! I love this song!!!”

You don’t recognize the song, but you follow them onto the floor dancing and smiling as they sing along. You find yourself looking towards the bar again hoping to catch the man’s eye, but he’s gone.

“I’ll be back, I’m going to get another drink.” You say loudly over the music.

The girls just nod and keep singing along. You make your way through the crowd that’s formed in the place and find the bar. Your eyes are still scanning, looking for him, when all of a sudden someone comes up beside you, leaning onto the bar. From the corner of your eye you can tell who it is. You turn your head and it’s the mystery man. He’s even more attractive up close, a dimple on his right cheek as he smiles down at you, slight creases next to his eyes. Your eyes travel down towards his broad shoulders and the skin on his chest that’s showing where his shirt is unbuttoned.

“Hi.” the man says while smiling down at you. His voice is like honey, deep with a southern drawl.

Your lips slightly part as you hesitate for a second “Hi.” you finally say back.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He nods towards the bar.

You shake your head in agreement.

“What are you havin’, sweetheart?” He asks.

You clear your throat. “Whatever you’re having.” You smile.

“Hm.” his lip quirks up as his eyes roam your form. The bartender comes over and he orders two beers, then his eyes are back on you. “You here with friends?”

“Yeah uh, I was out of town, I just got back so we’re celebrating.” You decide to keep it vague.

“Well,” the bartender comes back with your beers and he hands one to you. “Welcome back.” He smirks, then you both take a sip.

You can’t help but watch the way his hand wraps around the bottle as he brings it up to meet his lips. You take a few sips of your beer, eyes still locked on him, then place it back on the counter. You’re feeling a little more confident now.

“What about you,” you place your elbow on the table and rest your chin in your hand, looking up at him. “Who are you here with?”

He looks over his shoulder into the crowd, an amused look on his face. “My brother.” You follow his eyes to see his brother sitting in a booth with a girl, leaning into her as they talk.

You giggle then turn back to the man. You’re noticing some similar features now that you know they’re brothers.

“You two come here every weekend chatting up girls and buying them drinks?” You bite your cheek and give him a teasing look.

He nods his head slowly looking down at the bar where he’s leaning on his forearms and lets out a small laugh. “Every now n’ then.” He looks back at you, a slight flush on his cheeks.

“Mmm bit of a player huh?” You lift your brow, teasing him some more.

He’s laughing again, it’s a deep chested laugh that makes his shoulders slightly bounce. “Wouldn’t say that, haven’t had much luck recently.” He looks from your eyes to your lips, then back to your eyes.

You nod your head taking another swig of your beer “So, what do you do for a living?” You ask nonchalantly.

“Uh,” he rubs the back of his neck. “I’m a contractor.” that explains his broad shoulders.

You bite your thumb and lean a little closer to him, arm brushing up against his. The alcohol is definitely taking an effect now. You’re checking him out again, and it’s not subtle. The way his shirt fits snug around his biceps, and his jeans fit his waist just right. He takes another sip of his beer and your eyes lock again.

Then suddenly a song you recognize comes on, Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado. You hear your friends squealing on the dance floor as the song starts, causing you to whip your head towards them then back to the mystery man.

“I’ll be right back.” You smile at him sweetly, finishing off your beer and setting the empty bottle on the table before leaving to join your friends.

You get out to the floor and they hold their hands out towards you, smiling and singing along to the song. You’re swaying your hips to the beat, mouthing the lyrics as you dance. Your hands are moving up and down your body, over the tights you’re wearing and slightly bunching up the short slip dress you have on. You’re lost in the music, then suddenly your eyes lock with the mystery man’s again, darkening as they watch you move. He’s leaning up against the bar, beer in one hand and the other in his front pocket.

‘Promiscuous boy you already know

That I’m all yours, what you waiting for?’

You’re mouthing the words, eyes never leaving his. You tilt your head to the side and give him a cheeky smile before moving your hands over your hips again. He lifts his hand out of his pocket, beckoning you back to him with his pointer finger. You shake your head no, and mimic his motion telling him to come to you. You turn away from him, back towards your friends, then glance at him over your shoulder and mouth, “Dance with me.”

A few moments later you feel a large warm hand run down your arm, and the back of a hand runs over the nape of your neck and down your shoulder before resting on your hips. You turn your head to look and it’s your mystery man, looking down at you with desire in his eyes. You turn around, still in his grasp, and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing your body flush to his.

You’re swaying with his hands on your hips now, grinding up against him. His tongue darts out to wet his lips and he leans his forehead against yours, taking in a deep breath. You tilt your head up, heavy lidded eyes scanning his face and your nose bumping his, your parted lips allowing a shared breath in the scant space between your mouths.

Then he’s kissing you, one hand on your hip lightly squeezing, the other resting on your cheek. He lets out a small groan and slips his tongue into your mouth, a mixture of mint and beer fill your senses. You gently pull the hair at the nape of his neck, causing him to let out a sigh.

“Sweetheart.” His voice sounds gravelly and deeper than before. “I can’t take my eyes off you.”

“Then don’t,” you say, so low it’s almost a whisper, just between the two of you.

You’re so close to him, you can feel his arousal straining against his pants as you press yourself against him.

“Come with me.” he looks down at you while trying to catch his breath.

He kisses you again, hand resting on your cheek. You nod approvingly as he pulls away. He doesn’t hesitate, grabbing you by the hand and dragging you off the dance floor towards the door. You notice his hand is much larger than yours, a little rough and calloused most likely from his job. He looks back at you a few times, and you just stare at his broad frame as you follow him. You look at the way his hair sits so perfectly, eyes wandering to his large forearms as he pulls you along behind him.

Moments later you two are outside and he’s pulling you around the side of the brick building. He backs you up against the wall, lips immediately crashing into yours. His palms rest on either side of your face, thumbs roughly caressing your cheeks like he just can’t get enough.

“You were killing me in there,” He’s towering over you, your hands clinging to his forearms.

“Was I? Couldn’t tell.” you smile slyly.

He laughs and shakes his head. “You’re somethin’ else babe, deadly.” he’s kissing you again, hands moving down your body to your waist.

You grab at the fabric of his shirt near his chest, trying desperately to pull him closer. His large hands find the hem of your dress and move up over your tights clad thighs. You moan into his mouth, heat already starting to build at your core. Moans and heavy breaths filling the air as you claw at his skin. You gently bite at his lower lip then slip your tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. As you lower your hands towards the waist of his jeans, tucking your fingers into the front and pulling his hips flush against yours, you feel him shudder. You let out a whine as you feel the imprint of his straining cock once again.

Then you hear the door to the bar bursting open and two familiar voices talking. “It’s okay, it’s okay, shhhh.”

You freeze as your lips leave Joel’s, wide eyes meeting his before stepping away from him to peer around the corner. He lets out a groan as he adjusts himself, one hand still on your hip trailing behind you as you near the corner of the building. Then you see Aya with her arm around Dee, rubbing her back. You stand up straight, pulling away from Joel.

“Oh my god?! What happened?” You sprint over to them.

“Oh thank god, we were looking everywhere for you.” Aya looks up at you. “Dee had too much to drink, we need to go.” She loops her arm into Dee’s. “I grabbed your things, where were you?”

Then you see her eyes wander to the broad older man shuffling up behind you and her eyes go wide. She leans in close to you and mouths “Oh my god”. You can feel your face heating up as you turn around to face him.

“You ladies need a ride home?” He looks down at you, concerned look on his face.

“Oh uh.” You turn back to Aya.

“No, we've got it covered-” she smiles at him.

“But thank you,” it comes out louder than intended. “I appreciate it,” taking a step closer to him you whisper “And sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it, Killer.” He flashes a charming smile at you.

“Killer?” You laugh at the nickname and he nods his head.

“We gotta go!” Aya yells out to you.

You whip your head to look at her, then your eyes meet his again. “Well, it was nice meeting you, mystery man.” You give him one last look and go to turn around towards your friends. He gently grabs your shoulder, surprising you.

“Wait,” it comes out soft as he whips you around to face him again. “Can I at least have your number?”

You hesitate for a moment. “What, so you can add me to your roster?” You try to hold back a smile.

“C’mon.” he looks away shaking his head, a boyish smile plastered on his face.

“Give me your phone.” He looks back at you, relief in his eyes. Then he pulls it out of his pocket and hands it to you.

You type in your number and put your contact name as Killer. You hand him back his phone and quickly get on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. His eyes go slightly wide, and then you’re turning away, running towards the car before he can say anything. As you grab your jacket and purse from your friend and slip into the car, you smile at him before closing the door.

You watch him through the window standing there with his hands in his pockets as the car pulls away. Your mystery man, you hope to see him again.

ty for reading xo

tagging a few moots but np! anyone who wants to be tagged in the next one let me know :)

@nostalxgic @ilovepedro @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @beskarandblasters @jenispunk @tieronecrush @joelsversion @pedrospartner @canseethebrushstrokes @scrambledslut @isitmeulookin4 @tinygarbage <3

#dbf!joel #dbf!joel miller x reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #joel tlou #fic: falling into my sins #joel miller fanfiction

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moumouton4 · 3 months

Note

A very intimate sex with aged Muichiro up after Marriage? They could be in the hot springs ir in Muichiro’s mannsion? 🤭

-🧡

First Time As Bride and Groom || Muichiro Tokito x fem!reader

A/n : Gosh it's a plot I've had in mind with another character around August 😍 I think the plot is self-sufficient, so let's keep the hot spring for another time !

Warnings : Muichiro is aged up ofc , he is a but stressed at first, penetrative sex, mention of bulge, soft vanilla sex, pregnancy maybe if you squint but the end if open on this subject, 18+ READERS ONLY and wrap it before you tap it

Masterlist ⚜

I don’t give permission to repost my work, if you want to share it just reblogue it

Word count : 1892

He has been standing close to you all day, a silent protector whose eyes only on your remained. You were glowing in that wedding dress ( could be a suit as well ) despite having already seen you in so many other outfits or without, you've never looked so enchantingly beautiful in the past. His eyes drifted down to the delicate skin of your left arm, where the lace at the bottom of your top reached, descending to your hand, where your wedding ring adorned your finger just above the engagement ring he'd given you almost a year ago.

All these little details - the way your hairstyle loosened with hours of dancing and celebrating, how your eyes shined with the lights hung across the room - he was able to catch a glimpse of this because he'd stayed close to you all evening. And yet there as you walked, soft silent steps on the tiled floor of Muichiro's mansion, testament of your years of experience as a slayer, your little hand in his, he had the impression that it was the first time all evening he'd stood so close to you. He could smell your perfume as if he hadn’t all evening, and he noticed some glitter in your hair as if it wasn't the first thing he had seen earlier when he first kissed your forehead upon seeing you out of the horse-drawn carriage.

As per usual you were leading the way, he who usually was a bit distracted by the world around you was now keenly aware of the destination you were heading to. His hands got clammier with the increasing anticipation of what was to come. Finally you arrived at your shared room, a room as the name says it you have been sharing for at least 4 years now. You both knew what was going to happen tonight - well more this morning - and somehow even if it wasn't something new that was about to unfold here, he felt kinda giddy at the thought of it… you were married now.

You let go of his hand as you finally entered the room, your dress graciously sweeping across the floor, you just couldn't stand your heels anymore. So you sat on your bed to finally be able to take them off. Meanwhile Muichiro took care of the door that he closed carefully. Once this was done, he turned around, leaning his back on it, watching you from afar, a slight pressure rising in his stomach. It was as if he was… stressed ?

Feeling the tension in the air, you rose from the bed, sighed with relief when your feet finally made contact with the chilly floor ( best sensation after you take your heels off ) as you close the gap between you and him. Your hands came to rest on his chest and started unbuttoning his tuxedo, meanwhile his instinctively came to rest on the curve of your hips.

Then you worked your way up to the bow he had around his neck. When you finally untied the ribbon, freeing his throat it was as if he was breathing for the first time since the beginning of the day, however a lump formed in his throat because he knew it was coming. He had no choice but to be up to the task, and not let down your expectations. Your arms circled his neck and pulled him into you, so you could untie his hair that also had been stylized. His face came to rest against your shoulder, his mouth peppering kisses on your skin. He sighed with contentment when you delivered his hair from the tension of the hair band.

Slowly his hands traveled up your back “Can I ?” he asked politely, as if he didn’t already know the answer. His fingers toying with the zip at the top of your dress while he waited for you to answer.

A quiet “Yes” escaped your lips, prompting him to slowly unzip the back of your dress, then sliding it down your shoulders. Meanwhile your fingers were busy unbuttoning his dress shirt, slowly revealing his toned chest, onto which you left a quick kiss,effectively staining his immaculate skin with your lipstick.

As he finally got your dress off of you his breath hitched. You looked absolutely ravishing, and he had only one desire, to quickly get rid of the last pieces of garment and have you in your bed beneath him. However, when you turned your back to him so he could unclasp your bra, the self-confident look he had had the second before disappeared, giving way to a certain apprehension he had managed to conceal until now. His fingers fumbled slightly against the silky fabric, he frowned

to his inability to do something as common to him as undressing you. He tried to take a deep breath to calm himself, but before he could do anything, you turned back to him.

"Muichiro ? Are you all right ? I asked you if you wanted to sit down but you didn't answer" you asked softly, an ounce of concern etching on your face.

"Sorry" he murmured, leading you cautiously to the bed, where he let you settle on the fresh sheets. He took his place beside you, silence filling the room once more.

"Are you tired ?" you roused him from his reverie by placing your hand on his "Can we postpone this until tomorrow if you like ?" you offered, the day had been long and you understood that he might not be in the mood to make love tonight.

But he shook his head, his strands of hair bouncing to the sides delicately "No it's not that"

You tilted your head to the side, not understanding what the problem was. I mean sure you were a little stressed for your first time as a groom and bride, it was both exciting and stressful but you- wait a minute.

"Are you stressed... about it ?" you asked, hoping not to upset him.

"Don't say things that make you look stupid" he was quick to refute. But inwardly he was rather insulting himself, because he knew you surely were able to hear his heartbeat as he sat there, which seemed to want to get out of his chest as quickly as possible.

You rubbed the back of his hand in a comforting manner "Me too" you confessed. His eyes widened at your revelation "You know, there's nothing to worry about, we can just do what we always do. No need to put on a show" you hoped your words would put him at ease.

In response he ran his hand through his hair, a long sigh escaping his lips "We're married now... I just thought I'd better live up to it" he mumbled, clearly not comfortable with the vulnerability his words brought.

You leaned in slightly and kissed his jawline, your hair tickling his bare chest "You're always more than up to the task Muichiro" you whispered, your breath brushing his ear, prompting a shiver to run down his spine.

Him ? Up to it ? He lifted his head, his blue eyes boring into yours as if he wanted to make sure your statement was true. You nodded, and finding what he was looking for, his hand intertwined with yours, your wedding rings reflecting the little light that was in the room. He moved a little closer to you and for his other hand unclasped your bra "You're the most precious creature in this world" he whispered, his eyes now wandering down to your chest.

You blushed at his compliments, a small moan escaping your mouth as he pulled you to his knees, his hands naturally taking the place your underwear had had a moment before. He continued to explore your body, his mouth now busy sucking a hickey from the tender skin of your neck. You leaned against his warm chest, the warmth emanating from him comforting. But the longer you stayed on his lap, the more you became aware of the bulge forming in his suit pants.

"I need you Y/n" he murmured, his hand already making its way to your panties to remove them.

"Then take me" you sighed with a groan as he continued marking your neck.

He lifted you off him for a moment, settling you a little further back on the soft mattress so he could get rid of his increasingly tight clothing. Hearing the sound of his belt, you instinctively looked up to see him, your eyes lingering for a moment on the bulge in his pants before making eye contact with him. He glanced briefly at your panties, letting you know in non-verbal language that he wanted you to take them off while he peeled off the remaining layers of clothes he had on.

So you did, and when he returned to your side he wasted no time, putting his hand on your shoulder and gently laying you down on the bed. His erect cock, which was jutting from between his legs poking at your thigh. You shivered in anticipation, and you weren't the only one, as he breathed heavily above you. And suddenly he captured your lips in a searing kiss, with a force that was far from the chastity with which he'd pecked your lips when you were pronounced husband and wife.

His hand came to gauge the temperature between your legs, to make sure you were ready for him or if you needed him to prepare you. But once his hand made contact with the warm wetness between your legs, a growl went up his throat "You wanted it that bad huh ?"

There he was, the teasing man you married, it didn't take long for nature to take its course. He lined up with your entrance pushing enough to just fit the tip "I'll be gentle" his words melted your heart ( "Please don't" 😂 )

His hips continued to do the work until he was perfectly and fully nestled deep inside you. Your breaths froze for a moment, while you could feel each other's heartbeat.

"Are you ready ? Can I move ?" he asked to be sure of your readiness before starting to thrust in and out. It didn't take long for the room to fill with your moans, soon followed by his own low ones. His head nestled in your neck, where he resumed his work of leaving more love bites.

He pressed your body against his, leaving no space where air could slip in and separate you "You are divine" he praised.

Your hands moved from his forearms to rest on his hips before wrapping around him to pull him even closer to you. When he was satisfied with the marks on your neck he raised his head and sloppily kissed your mouth, his growls sliding directly between your lips. His eyes never leaving yours, as if a secret conversation were unfolding between these four walls.

It certainly wasn't the first time you had made love. But for a moment you saw his eyes sparkle as if something important was happening. As if you were living in a moment suspended outside time, just the two of you. That was the difference. He had made you his so many times before in so many different ways, and tonight he made you his in an even more beautiful way.

#demon slayer #demon slayer imagine #demon slayer smut #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba imagine #kimetsu no yaiba smut #muichiro tokito #muichiro tokito imagine #muichiro tokito x reader #muichiro tokito smut #kny muichiro #muichiro x reader #muichiro smut #request #smut #miri-writes

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braxlrose · 21 days

Note

I miss ur writings sm :(

I am so sorry that I've been gone for so long, I haven't posted any fan fiction in so many months and honestly I lost motivation 😭 so many ppl who were in this fandom and I created a community with, were slowly getting over this "phase" and it definitely affected me. But I'm going to try and get back into writing. I hope this will do good for now! Ive had a lot of ppl recently ask for 2005 bill hcs, and I've done that before so if this is repetitive for something else I've written, sorry!

content warnings: none

a/n: I'll be updating my tag list since it hasn't been updated since like August of last year and I don't want to be tagging people who don't care or want to see these posts anymore. So if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

2005!bill kaulitz x f!reader

sfw:

- I'm an alternative person so whenever I write for bill, I always imagine him with an alternative girl 😞 even though from what I've seen he's never really been w/ an alternative one, BUT LETS PRETEND OKAY 🙏🙏

• he absolutely loves doing hair together, I think he enjoys helping you do your hair in the morning and your make up. And he's even more greatful if you do his makeup. Then he can just relax while you help him.

• pookie has crunchy ass hair at the end of the day when he has to wash it out, don't make fun of him 😞

• getting piercings together is something he LOVES doing with you. Mainly early piercings because he only has a tongue and eyebrow piercing on his face.

• if you made music too, he would always go to your concerts and basically scream the entire time. Hopefully, you'd do the same for him.

• if you have longer nails, head scratches are always a must and he will lay in your lap for literal hours while you pamper him.

- I personally think he would love to learn words in your language if you keep something different than German. And despite what anybody thinks, he finds it hilarious to learn the dirty words.

• if you cook him something from your culture, he will literally die. He basically thinks everything about you is so cool, and learning about a culture different from his is so exciting

• but if you two really want to date, you'll have to both try to learn English or each other language because there is going to be a hard language barrier between you two.

- I think one of the reasons he would've fallen in love with you is because you were upfront with him. He's not the type of guy to just go up and kiss someone so if you confess first, that would make things so much easier.

- obviously, you'd have to get along with Tom, Georg and Gustav. So if you don't, there's no way he'll go out with you, especially if you can't get along or hate Tom.

-Dates together consist of stuff you guys bought somewhere, or if you guys went to a fastfood restaurant.

• He doesn't have a lot of money yet so dates wouldn't exactly be high class, hopefully you don't mind 😉

-Since this is around the time Tokio Hotel is getting increasingly famous, there are fangirls around trying to flirt and ask out bill all the time and he has to shoo them off. He reminds you every night about how much he loves you and that those fan girls shouldn't bother you.

-he likes to spoon you a lot, and you two switch back n forth between him being the big spoon and the small spoon.

• I think he also really likes it when you lay on top of him, with your face in his neck and your legs wrapped around him. (This also works sitting upwards).

• cuddling with him is so nice too because he actually smells really good 😱

- I think he still gets very insecure sometimes because of the haters and people who harass the band because they don't like them and you reassure him a lot.

a/n pt 2: sorry this wasn't too long! I'm trying to get back into the groove of writing so if this is terrible I'm sorry 😞

taglist: none right now

#tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel bill kaulitz #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz x yn #tokio hotel fanfics #i hope this wasnt completely terrible #i havent written in forever 😞

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poemsforgyu · 5 months

Text

Summer Fling

1.2k words

warnings: smut (pls do not read if under 18), oral (f!receiving and m!receiving, blowjob, riding, pnv, slight angst?, happy ending!

A/N: So this is like the first smut I've ever written so please excuse it if it's bad. I'd love and appreciate some feedback!

You had decided to spend your summer in Seoul, South Korea on an impulse. You didn't want to waste another summer in your boring hometown with nobody to pursue anything with. On your third week of the trip, the night of June 15th you met him. You were out for a walk, just enjoying the chilly air when you saw him. He was tall and muscly, there was no way this man didn't work out daily. His black hair fell in loosely in his face and when he smiled he had little fangs pointing out. He was without a doubt the most attractive man you'd ever laid eyes upon. He was exactly why you had decided to spend your summer in Seoul instead of back home. You hadn't even realized how long you had been staring before the man was making his way over to you. "Like what you see?" He smirked, his voice like music to your ears. All you could do was blush before muttering out a quick apology. "No need to be sorry, I like it when pretty girls stare." He laughed as he saw your face getting redder. He made small talk with you and ended up getting your number, which was the catalyst to your summer love.

After a few dates you informed Mingyu that your stay in Seoul was only temporary and you both agreed what you had would be a casual fling. As the days flew by you guys spent more and more time together, knowing there would be no time soon. On August 28th, the last day of your stay, Mingyu had found himself knocking on your door. You opened the door, shocked to see him standing there as you had said your goodbyes earlier. "Mingyu what are you doing here?" You asked, moving to the side to allow him inside. "I need to have one last night with you." He closes the door, cradling the side of your face in his hand. "Mingyu my flight leaves early." You whisper, your weak attempt at trying to get him to leave. "I don't care." He mutters, leaning in closer and crashing his lips against your's. Any thoughts you had of Mingyu leaving dissolved once his lips were on your's. He taps the backs of your thighs, signaling for you to jump so he can carry you to the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom he lays you on the bed, taking a moment to just look at you. "What are you doing?" You ask, blushing as you squirm under him. "I want to remember you just like this." He mumbles, kissing you again and trailing his lips down your neck. You let out breathy moans as his teeth scrape the flesh on your neck. You whimper his name quietly, tugging on the hair at the base of his neck. "Tell me what you need." He demands, pulling away from you. You whine at the loss of his touch and roll your eyes a little. "Please touch me Gyu." You plead, bringing his hand to the waistband of your pants. "Hmm, do you want me to touch you here?" He teases, brushing his hand against your clothed pussy. "Yes right there." You moan, trying to keep his hand right where you need it. "Ask me nicely." He says teasingly, hooking his thumbs in your pants. "Please Mingyu, please touch me, please." You beg, sounding more and more desperate with each plead. "Only since you asked so nicely." He grins, pulling your pants down along with your panties.

His lips trail soft featherlike kisses down your stomach, gently biting your thighs in between kisses. "Please stop teasing me." You whine, tangling your fingers in his hair. "Patience, baby." He laughs before kissing your clit. You buck your hips slightly at the feeling, Mingyu being quick to hold you in place. "Stay still or I'll stop." He says, leaning back down to suck on your clit. He eases one finger into you, curling it against your g-spot, making you tug forcefully on his hair. He slowly adds another finger, lapping at your pussy as if it was the first meal he'd eaten that day. You cry out, grinding your pussy against his face as he curls his fingers inside of you. Your stomach tightens as the feeling of your orgasm build up from Mingyu's tongue and fingers. "I'm so close." You cry, squeezing his head a little with your thighs. You feel his teeth lightly bite your clit and your orgasm rips through your whole body, making your back arch slightly off the bed, pushing his face closer to your pussy. His fingers slow as you ride out your orgasm and he gives your clit one last kiss. He brings his face back up to your's and kisses you, rubbing your clit in circles.

You sit up, motioning for him to lay against the headboard "I need you. Now." You say, fumbling with the button on his pants. "You're so impatient, do you need me to make you cum again?" He chuckles, helping you pull his boxers down with his pants. Although you've seen his cock plenty of times before tonight, your pussy clenches at the sight of him. You slowly stroke his cock, leaning your head down and swirling your tongue around his tip. He gasps at the sensation, slightly pulling your hair. "Fuck." He moans, watching as you take more of him in your mouth. Your hands stroke the length you can't fit in your mouth as his tip reaches the back of your throat. He twitches in your mouth, gently lifting your head off him. "Hold on baby, I don't wanna cum yet." He pants, guiding your pussy over his cock.

Gently holding his cock you press the tip to your clit, and then slowly sink down on him. Wrapping your arms around his neck you start to move, leaving hickeys along his neck. Mingyu guides your hips, thrusting his up to meet your's. He turns you around, wrapping your legs around his waist and starts thrusting into you. You cry out, raking your nails down his back as each thrust sends a wave a pleasure coursing through your body. You reach your hand down to rub your clit and he pushes it away, replacing your hand with his. You beg him not to stop, the feeling of his cock and fingers bringing you insurmountable pleasure. Your stomach tightens for the second time tonight as your pussy clenches around his cock. He lets out a groan, his hips stuttering as your walls spasm against his pussy from your orgasm. His cock twitches and he fills your pussy with his cum, slowing his movements as you both come down from your high. He pulls out slowly, making you whimper from the feeling of emptiness, and pushes some of his cum back inside you with his fingers.

He brings himself back up to you, pulling you to his side. "Now you really can't leave." He mumbles as he strokes your hair. "How about I delay my flight." You giggle, kissing along his jawline. He nods in agreement, holding you for just a little longer. "You could move in with me, transfer to a college here." He suggests, trying to plan the idea of permanently staying with him in your head. "Hmm, it does sound tempting." You laugh, pretending to contemplate it. "I want you by my side, so will you move in with me?" He asks, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. "Okay fine, I'll move in with you." You sigh jokingly, laughing as he places kisses all over your face. After awhile he brings you to the bathroom and you wash up with him while you come to terms with the fact that your casual fling had ruined all your future plans and you were never going to be leaving.

#mingyu x reader #mingyu smut #seventeen smut #kpop smut #smut #x reader #x reader smut

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parkerlyn · 10 months

Text

July 2023

Play The Nameless | Patreon | Discord

Hi all!

This is mainly a so-help-me-we-are-gonna-get-back-on-track-and-continue-this-story update. I've been able to map out the rest of Chapter 4 more concretely and broken things down to help my lizard brain parse things out and not feel so overwhelmed by it all. Yay for self improvements! 🤞

I won't lie, it didn't help that with my (lack of) version control and writing in multiple apps, I ended up losing about...5k of the Magesmith's Ch 4 path which was a real kick in the teeth. But I'm feeling better now (and have transitioned through all the stages of grief lmao), and I'm ready to push forward.

So yeah!!! Friendly reminder!! Take this as a sign!!! Make sure you're keeping track of where you write and maintain version control with backups!!

So with that said, I've been slowly working my way back into writing after hiatus and trying to dust off those skills with revisiting the Sage POV for when you first meet them. Currently it's a 3k Patreon special, and that will post later this month on July 19!

I'll also be changing up my approach to bonus art on Patreon, with one large piece of artwork each month and opening ideas for that through the High Sheevra and Sanctin tiers, with voting including the Sheevra tier once I have a couple suggestions. This month will be the completed "Game Night" special with the Healer, Magesmith, Eila, and the Alchemist, and I'm open for any suggestions for the future! More information on that here soon. I'll also try to be less embarrassed about messy sketches so you can expect more of that on Patreon too, with some art eventually posted here on tumblr.

For bonus Patreon writing, I'll slowly be working through the first meeting POVs for each RO before polling for ideas again.

July Patreon Schedule

July 5 - Progress Update | Call for August Art ideas (HS + Sa)

July 12 - Monthly Preview Screenshot

July 19 - Bonus Writing: Sage POV, meeting the MC for the first time

July 26 - Bonus Art: Game Night | 18+ Art: Sage Sketches

ICYMI

Art: Not gone but resting featuring an RO cuddle pile.

Donation Screenshots

Lastly, accountability screenshots for my donations are below. Differing amounts are to cover individual processing fees. For the donations at the beginning of June the amounts differ from earnings since I was on hiatus and very offline for April/May, so I decided in honor of Pride Month to give $100 to each organization.

Thank you again for all your support and stay safe out there <3

xoxo Parker 🧡

Play The Nameless | Patreon | Discord

#interactive fiction #progress update #the nameless #tnif

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be-with-me-so-happily · 10 months

Text

Chapter 7

Series Summary: Gemma is definitely Cassidy James' favourite Styles family member, considering they are best friends and all. And especially considering that Harry Styles is Gemma's smug and self-centered younger brother. Her life isn't perfect, and neither is she, but she hates how everyone thinks Harry is. Because she knows that's not the case.

Chapter Summary: Cassidy thought her friendship with Harry and her relationship with Derek could exist peacefully. But you can't always have what you want, and sometimes you can keep what you already have.

Chapter Warnings: Some explicit language, mention of sex, alcohol consumption, jealousy, argument, physical altercation, panic/anxiety attack

[ present - August 2020 ]

As the sunlight from outside peeks through the curtains, Cassidy stretches her body, her eyes still shut as she holds onto that peaceful feeling.

A stirring beside her opens her eyes, and she rolls over to see Derek slowly waking.

It wasn't planned that he would stay the night, but the relief from her completed work, a couple glasses of wine, and the feeling of his lips persistently grazing her neck sent them straight to the bedroom as soon as her laptop was shut.

"Mm. Good morning." Derek mumbles, turning onto his side and slowly blinking to clear his vision, smiling as they meet each other's gaze. "I definitely enjoy waking up like this."

Cassidy brings her shoulders up in shyness, a blush forming on her cheeks. He is the first man, in a very long time, that she has woken up next to in the bed. The man before him was, maybe unfortunately, her last sexual partner. The man before him is actually, in a way, the reason it's been so long. Because, the man before him is Cecelia's father.

[ flashback - January 2016 ]

"You had sex with Nathan?" Gemma squeals, bouncing in excitement.

Cassidy smiles at not only the question, or the memory of that night, but also at how silly yet normal it feels to be sitting on Gemma's bed and talking about boys, since now they are in their early twenties.

"You're acting like I'm some shy, little virgin, Gem! I've had sex before."

Her best friend swats her arm and Cassidy grabs it in dramatic fashion.

"I know you're not, CJ. I was at the party when that all changed." She winces in disgust, and Cassidy knows it is due to the reminder of that night. She was naive, and inexperienced, and it was just bad. "I know about everyone you've had sex with."

Cassidy clears her throat, desperately hoping that Gemma doesn't read anything into it, because there is actually one person that her best friend does not know about. That she can never know about. Gemma will never know that Cassidy had sex with Harry. Twice.

"Okay, now you're making me out to be a whore."

"Oh for fucks sake, CJ." Gemma rolls her eyes, pulling her knees to rest under her chin. "So… what was he like?"

"Gem!" Cassidy exclaims, tossing a nearby pillow in her friend's direction.

"What? I had to ask…"

"You really didn't…"

Gemma pouts, giving her best begging eyes, even though they both know that Cassidy will spill the beans anyway.

"It was good." She states, dropping her head down onto her own knees as she feels a pink hue rushing to her cheeks. "Really good."

"That's all I get?"

"I'm not going into detail about it, Gem, bloody hell!"

"Fine." Gemma's shoulders drop in disappointment, causing Cassidy to let out a loud laugh.

"It was hot and sweaty." She replies, suddenly wanting to give her friend just a little something to satisfy the curiosity. "And, he was good at it."

A buzz almost vibrates through the entire mattress, and both girls check their phones to see who was sent some form of communication. Cassidy holds hers up so the screen is on full view for her friend.

"Speaking of…"

🗨️Nathan: i had a really good time with you

Cassidy instantly feels the pink hue turn to a bright, hot red. She bites her bottom lip, and her gaze flickers up to her best friend, not speaking any words to clue her in on what was just said through the text.

🗨️Cassidy: i did too

🗨️Nathan: i'll let you know next time i'm in town

🗨️Nathan: if you wanna hang out again

"Well… what does it say? Are you gonna see him again?" Gemma asks, scooting across the bedding as if it gets her closer to the information she's about to receive.

"Ummm…" Cassidy begins to reply. She feels an almost giddiness begin to flutter in her stomach, but tries to reel it in. When they met, at that One Direction party, she figured he was nice, even though their interaction was cut short by a certain long-haired twat. And when Michal later mentioned Nathan had been asking about her, she must admit she was a little flattered, despite the awkward tension in the room between her and Harry. It's sort of ironic that she was so insistent that she and Nathan were not going on a date on New Year's Eve, yet here she is, talking to her best friend about how she just spent the night with him. She can almost hear Harry's disgustingly arrogant 'I was right' comment if he were also involved in this conversation. She hates that he was, coincidentally, correct. But her recent date with Nathan went really well, and even though it would cause Harry's already giant ego to grow, she's actually glad she got together with the guy.

"Yeah." She utters, looking down at the open messages on her phone, slight discouragement settling in.

"That doesn't sound convincing…"

"It's just that…" Cassidy looks up, her teeth toying with her bottom lip as she adjusts her posture. "He isn't always in town. I guess he's been traveling a bit for his job."

"What does he do?" Gemma asks. "I don't remember."

"Honestly? I don't either." She admits, pulling her lips inward with a little guilt. "Something with production, or marketing, I think."

"Hm." Her best friend hums, an expression of thought now embedded between her brows. "Well, it seems as if he likes you… he wants to see you again when he can… maybe just see where it goes?"

"See where it goes." Cassidy utters back, as if to let the words take root in her brain. She looks down to her phone again, her thumbs positioned over the keyboard as she begins to type.

🗨️Cassidy: yeah, let me know when you're back

[ present - August 2020 ]

Cassidy gives Derek one last kiss before rolling out of his arms and scooting close to the edge of the bed to retrieve her phone.

"I think we slept in…"

"That's good… right?" Derek chuckles, a humorously confused look across his still sleepy face.

"Yeah, it is, I guess. I just never get to do it. But it's good." She smiles back, unlocking her phone to check the time. As she opens it, her expression drops and she quickly sits up in the bed. "Nope… not good. Not good!"

"What? Why?" Derek asks, sitting up to match her posture and placing his hand on her back.

"Shit. Umm… okay, okay…" She stutters, looking around the room for something, though she isn't sure what she needs, since her mind has become a jumble. "The time! Harry is gonna be here in 15 minutes with Cece!"

"Okay… I don't understand why that's bad."

Cassidy sighs. Not truly out of annoyance, but more so to regulate her breathing, also hoping she can take that second to gather her thoughts.

"She's going to see you here." That's all she can manage as her mind focuses on searching for her clothes.

"I'm… confused… I'm still not seeing the problem."

She can't blame him, really. He's never dated a single mum, so he's not accustomed to the dynamic of this sort of relationship. She really shouldn't blame herself for anything either, but she can't help picturing the face Cecelia will make seeing Derek there when she is brought back home. It doesn't sit right with Cassidy, not this early on.

"She's still getting used to us being together, Derek. I don't want to make it even more awkward for her."

"Cecelia is only 3 years ol-"

"Derek, please. Y-you... I need you to leave."

"Okay." He slides out of the bed, stopping his steps as he gets close enough to hold onto her shoulders. "I don't want you to stress out. I'll go."

Cassidy nods in response, closing her eyes as he kisses her forehead and releases his hold for them to both find their clothing.

She feels her breaths pick up their pace, hoping she can keep herself calm enough so that Derek doesn't pick up on her current fret.

As he finally finishes dressing, he comes up behind her, shuffling along with his hands on her waist as she exits the bedroom, walking to the hook by the front door where he placed his keys.

She spins around to find a wide, amused grin stretched across his face, causing a small amount of annoyance to bubble up.

"What's so entertaining about this?"

He pulls her closer, once again placing his lips on her forehead, then down onto her nose, and one on her own lips.

"This is the first time I've been kicked out." He utters. "But if it ended up happening, I would never have thought it would be because someone was coming back home. Well, not a kid, at least."

"It's just…" She begins to reply, not even sure of what she wants to convey, her mind is in too much of a frantic state.

"I was just trying to lighten the mood, I'm sorry."

He pulls back, lifting her chin to focus her gaze on his. "It'll be okay. I'll call you later, yes?"

"Yes." She quietly responds, receiving one last kiss, and watches as he exits through the front door.

She releases a few shallow breaths as she attempts to gather herself. Derek is gone, which wasn't the problem, but she does believe that having him there when Cecelia got home would just create an even more awkward dynamic between the two of them. She may be young, but she is observant and bright. Cassidy is sure she would pick up on the fact that something was different. Or, at the very least, feel upset because someone else is at their flat in the morning, despite her own absence. Even if Cassidy is completely wrong, she'd much rather be safe than sorry. Her daughter always comes first.

A knock on the door pulls her out of her daze, creating a frustration since it seems Derek is being a bit careless and disregarding her wishes.

She swings the door open, finding Harry standing on the other side, with Cecelia's little hand wrapped in one of his, and her belongings held in his other.

"Mummy!" She exclaims, releasing herself from Harry and wrapping her arms around her mum's leg.

"H-hey, Bug." Cassidy manages to reply, her gaze flickering down the corridor with worry beginning to build. Did they see him? Did they both see Derek? If they did, what might he have said to them?

She moves out of the way, ushering them both inside, and closes the door behind them.

Cecelia runs straight to her bedroom, and Harry turns around with a curious expression on his face.

"I see work went well…" He states, an unclear tone to his words. Cassidy feels her chest tighten at the realization that they did, in fact, run into the man who stayed the night. Not only did her daughter encounter him, but Harry too, and she can't determine why that bothers her almost as much, but assumes it is because of the tension they always seem to have. "Cass, are you alright?"

"Did… did he say anything?"

"Who? Derek?"

"Yeah."

Harry shakes his head, putting down the bag of Cecelia's things and placing one hand on Cassidy's arm.

"I spotted him in the parking lot. Cece didn't even notice." His response helps her to release a bit more of a shaky breath, and Harry gently squeezes her arm. "Hey. Inhale and exhale for me, yeah?"

Her eyes meet his, seeing the familiar concern that he has shown each time he's helped her through a panicked state. He begins to demonstrate what he's asked her to do, and she follows along, breathing in and out at the same pace, seeing his own worry diminish each time they do so together.

"There you go." He encourages, his focus fixed on her. "Better?"

"Yes." She replies, her lungs opening with her new regulated breathing. "Thank you."

"What's going on?" He asks, that concern seemingly turning from her panic and now to what may have caused it.

"I don't really know." She replies. Despite simply not wanting Derek's presence to create an uncomfortable environment for Cecelia, she isn't sure why that possible scenario caused such an intense reaction.

"Was it Derek?" He questions, his tone turning a lot more stern than it was just moments ago. "Did something happen with him?"

"No, no, no." She quickly responds, wanting to squash the negative assumption immediately. "No. I just… I didn't want Cece to see him here."

"Why's that?" He asks suddenly.

"I'm not sure." Her brow furrows, searching her mind for a satisfying answer. Not necessarily for Harry, but for herself. "I just thought it might be awkward for her. I'm sure I was just being ridiculous."

"That's not ridiculous, Cass." He gives her a small, yet reassuring smile. "She's your daughter. You want to do what feels right for her."

A warmth falls over her. A sudden relief through validation. She's a mother. She's allowed to be protective. Especially when allowing another person into their lives. And besides, this is all new territory for her.

Derek hasn't been in a situation like this either, so she can't expect him to understand. Oddly, Harry seems to get it, but many of his other friends have children too. He's probably been privy to a multitude of different parenting difficulties.

"I didn't… plan any of it, by the way."

"What do you mean?" He asks, confusion appearing on his features.

"I didn't know he was coming over last night. He showed up while I was working. He hung around while I was writing, and then we ended up-"

"I don't need the details." Harry interrupts, smiling yet wincing simultaneously, causing Cassidy to laugh.

"I just don't want you to think that I had you watch Cece so I could… have a date or something, and not tell you." She explains softly, and shyly.

"Cass… I know you're not that type of person." Harry chuckles. "And I suppose it doesn't matter anyway. I offered to help, there were no conditions."

She sighs out of relief. Mainly due to the reassurance of his willingness to help out. But also, mildly, she feels that relief because he doesn't seem to be uncomfortable with whatever potential reason she needed that help. Maybe that's a good sign, that they can all get along, and be around each other.

"Plus, I'll take any opportunity to spend time with the James girls…" He begins to add, and by the look being created in his face, Cassidy can tell he has something cheeky to say next. "Well, one of them. The other is a bit of a nuisance…"

"Oh you're one to talk, you wank-"

"But speaking of hanging out, are you free this weekend? My friends Sarah and Mitch want to meet you." He states, a shy blush forming on his cheeks, and an almost timidness to his tone.

"From your band? Why?" She asks, hoping the question didn't come across as snarky. Though, considering their usual banter, she wouldn't really care either way.

"Yeah." He chuckles, running a ring-free hand through his unclipped hair. "They want to meet the girl who tormented me as a kid."

"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" She exclaims, watching as a wide grin stretched across his face, and a dimple caves into his cheeks.

Harry throws up his hands, dramatically, in defense of his sarcastic statement.

"That's how I remember it…" He replies, the grin somehow getting wider. "It would be a small group of us, eating out or something. You can tell lies… I mean stories… from our childhood."

"Wow. You are really selling me on the idea of hanging out with you and your friends." She rolls her eyes, noticing Harry pulls his lips as he jokingly does the same.

"You'll have friends there too. Me…" He points to himself proudly, and arrogantly, as if that's all the reason she needs. To be fair, it is. She would hang out with him any time. But considering how Derek feels, it's probably best to include more people. At least for now.

"Wow. Convincing." She scoffs, lightheartedly.

"And Gem." He jokingly scowls back. "And Roxie, if you want to invite her."

"Well, in that case…" She teases, pretending to ponder all the information she's just been given. One thing she does actually wonder is if she should mention the man she's been dating. If she should include him, too. It's Harry's invitation. He doesn't seem to be the biggest fan of Derek, who seems to reciprocate the feeling, so it's probably best not to. Besides, she has seen a lot more of Derek lately than the others, and she can have a night out with just her friends if she wants. "Count me in!"

•••

Despite the new limited capacity inside, the pub seems to be filled with noise and laughter, and as she walks up to the secluded booth filled with her friends, Cassidy can't help but feel as if this is something she's been needing. Though, it's probably something that most people have been needing, ever since the world practically shut down.

There's probably not enough gratitude she can express for this venue allowing small groups of people, masked until they are seated, to get together and slowly get back a bit more freedom. And just as much, she is thankful for Harry's invitation to a night out.

"There she is!" Gemma exclaims, causing each person's head to swivel in her direction. "Is Roxie coming?"

"No, she couldn't make it."

"Well, nice of you to join us." Harry adds, instantly receiving a friendly glare from her.

"Hey! I had to try to explain to Cece why she couldn't come and hang out with us." She shakes her head, almost exhausted from the fifteen minute conversation she had with her 3 year old before she left.

"She just wants to be with her bestie…"

"Yeah and I still can't figure out why." She chuckles, sliding into the spot at the end of the seat, next to Gemma.

"You must be Cassidy then." She hears from the middle of the group, turning and meeting the gaze of the brunette smiling back at her.

"I am! You must be Sarah." She smiles, reaching across the table as best she can to shake hands. Her gaze moves over a few inches to see a quiet, brunette man, with the smallest of smiles on his face, barely detectable as he makes eye contact. "And you must be Mitch."

"Yep." He responds, reaching his own hand out for a quick shake.

"Nice to meet you both." She states, settling back down in her seat. As her gaze flickers over to Harry, she sees his lips pulled slightly to his left in a subtle smirk, as if proud that they've all finally met. Though, the funny thought crosses her mind that he might not be so happy about the situation if and when she corrects any ridiculously inaccurate stories he's already told them. "I hear I have some childhood memories I need to straighten out."

"That was a joke, Cass."

"They still deserve to know the truth." She smirks, seeing his grow a little wider with amusement. "But first, I need a drink."

•••

As Harry buries his face in his palms, the rest of the group erupts with laughter, unfortunately for him it's at his expense.

"My mum never intended for him to wear that dalmatian costume for two more years…" Gemma states, expanding on the story they've been engrossed in.

"It didn't even fit him anymore. The hem of the bottoms came halfway up his shins!" Cassidy adds, trying hard to catch her own breath.

"Alright. Alright." Harry lifts his head, giving it a shake as he gives his sister a glare.

"Sorry little brother." Gemma states.

"It's a fun memory!" Cassidy adds, regaining control of her breaths. As it settles, she focuses on him, seeing a sheepish smile on his face.

"Yes, yes. They've all been so fun." He proclaims sarcastically.

"Well, fun for us…" She responds, pointing between herself and her best friend. Harry purses his lips with a squint of his eyes, causing Cassidy to lift her almost empty glass for a sip, to fake some innocence. Though, she knows he's unbothered by it. He was the one to create this situation after all.

She feels a buzz under her hand, and she flips her palm over to unlock her phone, opening the new message she has just received.

🗨️Derek: hey beautiful, having fun?

🗨️Cassidy: yeah, loads!

"What about secrets? I'm sure you've got some good ones to share about this guy that most people don't know!" Sarah asks.

She closes out of the texts, turning off her screen to think over Sarah's question. For a second, Cassidy believes she doesn't have any, only funny stories to embarrass the guy. However, only a moment later, she is reminded of the one secret they share. The one no one else knows. The one where their bodies were entangled in a sweaty mess in his hotel room. Twice. The one that cannot and will not be shared with anyone else. Especially not at this table, with this crowd. Especially not with Gemma, her best friend and his sister, sitting right beside her.

Her eyes shoot up to his, noticing his lips pulled inward in anticipation. Or maybe worry. Clearly, though, he was reminded of the same thing as he stares at her with wide eyes.

"Umm…" She stalls, watching him squirm in place as she feels her heart begin to race. What can she even say? Her delayed response is only going to make things more uncomfortable, and maybe even begin to look suspicious. She has got to think of something to say, and thankfully, to her extreme relief, she thinks of one other thing to share. "I do know… one thing…"

"Ca-... Cass…" He utters nervously, and quietly, potentially hoping to be unheard by the others, and plead with her not to share their intimate secret. He shouldn't be worried, she wants to keep that locked away as much as he does. Maybe even more.

"When he was younger, Harry had a crush…" She begins in a teasing manner, noticing his eyes squeeze shut. "On his teacher, Mrs. Hamilton."

His eyes shoot open with surprise, and possibly even gratitude, despite her statement being of utter humiliation for him.

"How did you-"

"I overhead you singing some cutesy little made-up song about her one day."

"You did not!" Gemma squeals, a question rather than a defense for him.

"Most boys have a crush on a teach-"

"She was 50 years old, H!" His sister interrupts, causing his hands to return back into his palms as he growls in embarrassment.

"She had a nice smile." He whimpers, and Cassidy can just make out the red blush on his cheeks.

Despite it being a mild admission, she does feel bad for revealing the information, so she takes a deep breath and reaches towards him, placing the tips of her fingers on his for encouragement.

"I… had a crush on Mr. Peters…"

"Oh god!" Gemma exclaims, her palm hitting her forehead as fast as the words leave her lips. "That's just as appalling."

"He had a nice smile, too." She adds, watching Harry lift his head and chuckle, sending an almost appreciative glance with his glistening green eyes. She feels a tickle on her cheeks as a pink hue undoubtedly begins to surface, so she pulls her hands back and straightens herself. "And now I need another drink!"

"I'll get it." Sarah states, bumping Mitch on the arm, causing him to do the same to Harry. "My shout, I'll pay, as a thanks for giving up all those details about H!"

As Harry stands, he rolls his eyes and steps aside, letting his friend out of the booth. Sarah winks as she walks away, and Cassidy feels a nudge on her own arm.

"I need to use the toilet." Gemma utters, causing Cassidy to slide off from the seat and allow her friend to slide by.

Another vibration from her phone grabs Cassidy's attention as she reclaims her seat, and she opens it up to see a couple more messages have just come in.

🗨️Derek: how long will you be there?

🗨️Derek: was hoping to come by after

Cassidy rereads his question, unsure as to why it seems to suddenly, but only slightly, bother her. He knew she was going out with her friends tonight, and that the two of them didn't have any plans together. But nonetheless, she supposes it should be considered sweet that he still wants to see her.

🗨️Cassidy: not sure, maybe an hour or 2

🗨️Derek: oh, really? okay

She places her phone back down onto the table and sighs, thinking that maybe she should have actually included Derek in this get-together.

"You good?" She hears next to her, coming from that familiar and deep voice of her friend, apparently now sitting next to her. She looks up to find his curious, maybe even concerned, expression waiting for her answer.

"Yeah, I'm good." She nods, but it doesn't seem to ease the tension in his features.

"Is it Cece?" He asks, scooting just a little closer as his eyes float down to the device in front of them.

"No, no, she's fine. Our neighbor is over at our flat to watch her. And she's in bed anyway." She replies, inhaling a deep breath and feeling an odd, random sense of comfort as his cologne hits her senses. "It's actually Derek texting me."

Harry's body tenses, very apparent to her, but maybe not so much to his other friend Mitch who is now listening to something on his own phone. She wishes she knew exactly why Harry reacts that way every time she mentions the man she's seeing. If she knows what it is that bothers him, maybe she can fix it.

"Right. And, umm…" He unclamps the clip that has been holding his hair back, and runs his fingers through as he tussles it around. "Did he not want to come out tonight?"

"I didn't invite him." She unintentionally blurts out, no longer able to cultivate a better reply.

"Oh." He utters, and Cassidy catches a small upward tug of his lips, which he immediately attempts to retract. "Why's that?"

"I just wanted a night out with my friends." She shrugs, doing her best not to react to his true, yet subtle, expression of happiness at Derek's absence. "He can come to the next one."

"Sure." He nods, stretching his long, tattooed arm across to grab his glass, instantly bringing it to his lips for a taste of the contents. Cassidy rolls her eyes, though only internally, at the underlying tone to his statement, no matter how hard he's trying to cover it up.

Another notification buzzes through, and she hears an exhaled scoff from the man beside her, slightly muffled by the edge of the glass still pressed between his lips.

🗨️Derek: text me later then

🗨️Cassidy: i will

She relocks the screen once again, setting the phone into her bag to focus on the friends in front of her. She meets Harry's gaze to find him smiling, potentially the biggest smile of the whole night.

"What?"

"I'm just glad we all get to hang out." He shrugs, a timid innocence drawn with his words.

"Really? Even though I'm counteracting this alternative reality you seem to have created for your other friends?" She chuckles, nudging his side gently with her elbow.

"Yes. Despite that." Harry responds, running his thumb along his bottom lip. "It's fun to reminisce…"

"Yeah. You're right." She agrees. "Turns out not all of my childhood memories were so bad."

[ flashback - September 1999 ]

Sitting atop her fluffy pink quilt, her little fingers picking at the nails of each hand, Cassidy waits for someone to enter her bedroom. She doesn't know who it will be. She doesn't know who she wants it to be. But what she does know, even at the age of 6, is that whatever she just walked into was something she wasn't meant to see.

"CJ?" She hears spoken softly, accompanied by a gentle knocking on her door. Her shoulders drop, feeling a little calmer as to who is on the other side.

Her mother slowly opens the door, keeping that quiet, calm demeanor as she steps inside and closes it behind her, allowing it to be just the two of them in the conversation.

"I'm sorry if me and your dad scared you." Her mother states solemnly, taking a seat on the bed and stroking her daughter's hair in comfort. "We were… having a little disagreement…"

"You were yellin', and yellin' is bad." Cassidy responds quickly, and so matter-of-fact, showing off how well she really does know the rules of the house.

"I know, darling, I'm sorry."

"I didn't like it."

"I know, I'm sorry…" Her mother sighs, kissing the top of her daughter's head. "We shouldn't have been so loud."

Cassidy leans into her mother's chest, feeling warmth and comfort appear as she is wrapped up in the hug.

"Mummy?"

"Yes?"

Cassidy pulls her head back, innocently looking into her mother's eyes.

"Daddy shouldn't have hit you. Hittin' is bad, too." She furrows her brow, remembering her father's hand smack across her mother's face as Cassidy entered the kitchen earlier in the evening. "I didn't like that either."

"I know. I'm sorry, CJ." Her mother pulls Cassidy's body back to her, the hold a little tighter this time. "He was… upset. I made a mistake and… well, anyway, I'm alright. Okay? I'm alright."

"Okay." She nods, feeling a hot breath on her hair, causing another question to want to wiggle its way out. "Umm… Mummy…"

"Yes, darling?"

"Will… will he-... what if I make-"

"CJ." Her mother states, pushing back to stare into her daughter's eyes, showing such a sincerity that even the young girl can understand it. "You don't have to worry. No one will hurt you."

[ present day - August 2020 ]

As Cassidy enters through the doors to the lift of her building, she realizes she hadn't sent a text to the babysitter, letting her know that she was on her way.

"Damn it." She mumbles, reaching inside of her bag to retrieve her device, hoping she didn't miss any important messages.

As she unlocks the screen of her phone, she is met with multiple notifications, and feels guilt poke at her heart for not checking it sooner.

Her finger presses to open the app and her breath halts momentarily as she realizes that every message is from one particular person.

🗨️Derek: have you left the pub?

🗨️Derek: are you back yet?

🗨️Derek: can you please text me

🗨️Derek: when will you be home?

🗨️Derek: Cassidy where are you?

Eyes growing wide and the noise of the lift reaching her floor pulls her attention away as the doors begin to open.

She steps out, her gaze adjusting down the corridor towards her flat, and notices someone sitting by her door.

"What the…" She utters quietly, catching up with her thoughts as she catches the attention of the visitor. "Derek? What th-... what… are you doing here?"

The man scrambles to his feet and instantly stands tall, the expression on his face being one of concern. No, it's not one of concern, it's one that is concerning. To her.

"I told you that I wanted to come by."

"Right, but… Derek, I-... I was out with my friends…"

"I know. You said you'd be back in an hour or two, so I made my way over." He shrugs, as if this shouldn't be a surprise to her at all. As if this was always the plan for the night. "You took a bit longer than you said though."

"You've… you've just been… waiting out here?" She watches as Derek nods, swift and simple, yet not doing anything to subside the shock and confusion that's chaotically taken over her brain. "Umm… l-let's just… go inside."

She reaches into her bag and the quiet jingle of keys captures her focus enough to unlock the door and slowly push it open.

"We need to be quiet. Cece is asleep." She whispers over her shoulder, hearing a hum of acknowledgement behind her.

They both step through the doorway, and Cassidy's neighbor stands up from the sofa.

"How was she, Mrs. Clarkson?"

"She was great." The lady smiles. "Went down for bed pretty easily too.'

"Well, thank you so much for watching her tonight. I really appreciate it." Cassidy states, more than grateful to have finally gotten to know her neighbor a few weeks ago, and the woman's offer to take care of Cecelia whenever she was needed.

"It's no problem. Cece is so fun and so sweet. It was my pleasure." Mrs. Clarkson states and suddenly glances behind Cassidy, seemingly noticing the man standing a foot or two away. "Well… I suppose I better be off then."

Mrs. Clarkson nods at the both of them, grabbing a small bag and shuffling towards the door.

"Are you sure I can't give you some mon-" Cassidy tries to ask, despite their earlier conversation, before her night out even began.

"You are just as sweet as your daughter. But I'm sure." Her neighbor swivels around, one hand up in front, the other on the doorknob, and a smile on her face. "I'm here to help, if and when you need me. Enjoy your night."

"Thank you." Cassidy replies, watching the woman walk out, closing the door, and seeming to take the positive vibes with her. Her previous confusion and frustration reappear instantly as she turns her attention back to Derek. "What is going on? Why did you come over?"

"A guy can't just want to see his girl?" He asks, a sarcastic tone to his voice, and his arms across his chest.

"That's not what I'm saying. But tonight was about me spending time with my friends."

"And am I not good enough to hang out with them, too?"

"What? It's not that… you…" Cassidy exhales forcefully, confusion clouding her mind enough to prohibit any complete thought or sentence to be formed. She still has no grasp of an idea as to why he's there or what's going on. "I just… wanted to spend time with my friends."

"Right. Without me." Derek replies, his entire body becoming noticeably more tense as she sees his palms curl into fists.

Cassidy pulls her lips inward, not wanting to say something she may regret, though she isn't even sure what she would say anyway. This entire conversation, and situation in general, is throwing her for a loop.

Thankfully, a buzz from her phone gives her some relief, pulling it out and using the new message as a chance to momentarily reset herself.

🗨️Harry: did you get home safe?

Her thumbs touch the screen to respond, yet the word 'yes' becomes a jumbled array of extra letters as she feels her phone being snatched out from her grasp.

Her mouth drops open, unable to comprehend what has happened, and she shoots her gaze up to see Derek's scowl as he looks down at the device.

"Harry was there?" He growls.

"Derek, what the h-"

"I fucking get it now." He drops the phone back down into her still open hands and scoffs. "Now I see why I wasn't allowed to go."

"What?"

Derek steps closer, and a familiar feeling flows over Cassidy's body, though she doesn't have the speed and steadiness to determine what it is. But she knows it isn't a good one.

"You didn't want me there, because Harry was there."

"Why would that-"

"Because you love him! Don't you? You fucking love him and you lied to me!"

"Derek, Harry and I are just friends." Cassidy replies, quieting her volume in hopes that he will do the same, for the sake of Cecelia's sleep.

A few more steps and he is right in front of her, their toes almost touching. It's normally something that someone would want their significant other to do, but this is not one of the times, and an uneasiness courses through her veins.

"Are you fucking him?" He asks, his voice no more than a whisper, though the intensity in his tone has doubled.

"We've talked ab-"

"Answer the question, Cassidy." He growls, a darkness growing in his glare. "Are you fucking him?"

"No! I'm not!" She replies, her mind swirling in a daze, only providing the most inappropriate memory to manifest at this most inconvenient time. "It's been years since we-"

"Years? Years since… what? Since you two hooked up?" He groans, throwing his head back and running his hands over his face, scoffing at her unintended confession. "I knew it. I fucking knew it."

"It… it was a long… long time ago." She utters, surprising herself that any words came out considering the lump now lodged in her throat.

"Sure. And I'm supposed to believe that you two are 'just friends' now?" His body resets, and a hand suddenly flies forward to grip her arm, causing her body to stiffen, and as his other grabs her phone and throws it to the floor. "I call bullshit."

"Derek… please…" She whispers, her past beginning to surface in her thoughts and feelings.

"Please? Please what?" He mimics, bringing his free hand up to grab her jaw, and his face hovering right in front of hers. "Please forgive you? Please believe you?"

"P-please… let go…"

A little thud and shuffling of tiny feet grab the attention of both adults, sending worry down Cassidy's spine. She hoped it may have caused Derek to release his hold, but he tightens his grip and she whispers as a fear sets in.

"Mummy?" The sleepy little voice sounds out from the bedroom.

"I'll… I'll be r-right there, Bug." Cassidy manages to get out, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

"Mummy?" Cecelia utters again, clearly having not heard her mum's response, or not understanding it in her drowsy state.

"Stay in your room!" She shouts, shakiness and panic unavoidable at this point, as she hopes it goes unnoticed. Not just by her daughter. "Please, stay in there!"

She hears Cecelia shuffle back to bed, and her cheeks become wet, undoubtedly leaving long black marks as the tears drop.

"You… you need to leave." She mumbles, unsure if her words even left her lips, but desperately hoping they did.

"You think I'd want to stay?" Derek scoffs. He pushes against the arm he holds tightly, releasing it as she begins to stumble and falls to the floor, landing right where her phone did moments before. "No. It's over. I'm done with you."

She watches through blurred vision as he turns and exits the flat, shuddering as the door slams shut, and desperately hoping it doesn't draw her daughter out of her bed again.

With her legs out to her side, and her palms pressed against the floor to prop herself up, she feels anything but steady. How did she end up there? Obviously, she knows Derek pushed her down, but how did things get so bad, so quickly?

A single knock and the sound of the front door opening has her reaching for her phone and beginning to scramble to her feet.

"Cassidy, it's alright." She hears the soft voice of her next door neighbor try to reassure her, and she collapses back to the ground as Mrs. Clarkson's arms wrap around her shoulders, bringing her into a gentle embrace. "I heard the yelling, and the door slam shut."

"I'm… I'm sorr-"

"Sh. Sh. No need to be sorry. I wanted to make sure you're okay." A soft palm runs over Cassidy's hair and the peaceful gesture alerts her to her racing heart and labored breath.

"Cece… she woke… can you…"

"I'll go check on her." Mrs. Clarkson states, pushing herself up. "Is there someone you can call to come over?"

Cassidy nods, not having a specific person in mind, but giving the acknowledgement nonetheless. Her neighbor walks away, and as she hears the door quietly creak open, she turns her daze covered eyes to her device.

She sees her open messages, pressing the call button and holding the phone up to her ear.

"Uh oh. Is this a drunk dial? Or are you ringing to make more fun of me? Because I don't know if I can take much more tonight." Harry chuckles, and in any other situation, Cassidy knows she would be too.

"H-Harry…"

"Yes…?"

"I… I need…" She stutters, trying her hardest to voice any request, any thought, any comprehendible word to help him understand anything she's trying to say. Anything through the choked back wail that's threatening to push through.

"Cass… what is it? What's going on?" He asks, a concerned tone growing with each word.

"Derek… he…"

"What did he do? Where is he? Is he still there?" Shuffling can immediately be heard from the other end, and if Cassidy could put any extra thought into it, she would know he's putting shoes on.

"No." She whispers, feeling a mild amount of relief as she hears the beep of his car unlocking. But her breathing stays rapid and she clutches her chest with her free hand, as if to keep her heart in place.

"I'll be right there."

Her body begins to feel weak, her eyes begin to glaze over even more, and her hand drops down with a loose grasp on her phone. She hardly registers anything besides overwhelming dread and anxiety, though the feeling of her device leaving her hand can just barely be acknowledged. And then the faint sound of Harry's voice can ever so slightly be heard shouting through the speaker.

"Cass? Cass!"

"Hello?" Another voice speaks, gentle and calm, belonging to Mrs. Clarkson.

The muffled noise from their conversation fades into the background and Cassidy is left with the sound of her fast heartbeats and even faster breaths.

"It'll be alright. He's on his way." She hears beside her. "Harry's on his way."

[ flashback - May 2005 ]

Cassidy sits on her bed and giggles as she watches her best friend twirl around the room in one of the dresses they found in the closet.

"This one should work." Gemma asks, stopping her motions and posing in front of the full length mirror that is propped up against the wall. "You're sure you're okay with lending it to me?"

"Of course!" Cassidy exclaims. "That's what best friends are for."

"Exactly." Gemma winks in reflection, taking one last look at herself before turning around to face her friend. "I need to use the toilet, and I'll change in there too."

The noise of the bathroom door sounds out and Cassidy pushes herself off the mattress, bending down to begin tidying up the multitude of outfits that did not satisfy the specific look that Gemma was going for.

A sudden thud causes Cassidy to jump in place, and her happy, fun demeanor is replaced with anxiety as she hears two voices from the front of the house. From her mum and dad. That means, their happy, fun day is about to turn chaotic, and they need to get out of there. Fast.

"No, no, no."

She drops the clothes and bursts out of her bedroom to the door across the way, bringing her fist up to gently, but vigorously, knock on the wood.

"Gem." She whispers, keeping her words and actions as quiet as possible. "Gemma."

"Alright. Alright. Hold on." She hears in a response, an unknowingly chuckle accompanying the words.

"Gemma. We've… we've got to go."

The door swings open, and Cassidy sees her best friend's curious yet playful expression turn to one of concern as loud voices begin to fill the house.

"What's-"

She's not even sure what her main concern is at this moment, but what she does know is that she wants to get out of there. She needs to get out of there. They both do. She grabs her best friend's hand, motioning for her to keep quiet and begins to maneuver through the house to the back door, while the yelling only increases in volume and intensity.

As they arrive at their exit point, Cassidy's palm grips the doorknob, but she feels Gemma's hand squeeze her own as a sharp noise booms, quickly followed by quiet whimpers.

"You stupid cunt!" The deep voice of her father yells, accompanied by another sharp smack.

"Oh my god." Gemma whispers, and Cassidy's heart sinks as they sneak out of the house. She feels hurt, because she knows her mum is now in pain, and she feels embarrassed, because her best friend now knows it too.

They round the corner of the home, hands still gripped onto each other, and Cassidy lets out an exhausted, but relieved exhale as they reach the footpath out front.

"Umm, so…" She hears, turning to face her best friend, but unable to meet her gaze.

"That… that was awkward, right?" She chuckles, hoping to play it off as normal as possible. "Sorry you heard my parents… having a bit of a… a small disagreement…"

"That sounded like it was way more than a small disagreement, CJ." Gemma replies, her usual confidence taken over by compassionate caution.

"Oh, no. It was nothing."

"I heard him call her a… a cunt… and I heard him… hit her."

"It's… I mean, they just…" Cassidy sighs, choking back the tears in a last ditch effort to keep her composure, though she has the awareness that it's truly failing.

"CJ." Gemma mutters the statement of her name, and the dam breaks. Her hands fly up to her face, knowing her reaction has already been seen, yet still wanting to disappear into nothing. It's bad enough that those 'disagreements' even occur, but having her best friend hear it, know about it, makes it that much worse. And also, that much more real. When no one else knew, at least Cassidy could pretend it didn't happen at all, or that it was just a bad dream. But now? Now someone else knows, now she can't hide it, and now she has to face the truth.

"Please don't tell anyone."

"Well…" Gemma begins, grabbing her friend's shoulders. "I think we should… can I at least tell my parents? Maybe they'll, like, let you stay over."

Cassidy looks right at her best friend, practically her sister, and finds the sincerest and most compassionate of expressions she's ever come across. She can only imagine how much deeper they would be from Anne and Robin. Though the thought of anyone knowing her secret terrified her before, something about Gemma, Anne, and Robin knowing makes her feel at ease. If she wanted anyone to know, it would be them. The family she's basically growing up with now as her own.

"Okay." She agrees, feeling nervous yet comfortable with the decision. "Just, please, don't tell your brother."

[ present - August 2020 ]

Cassidy can't tell if it has felt like mere seconds, or a full hour since Derek had stormed out, so the new knock at the door sends a shiver over her body.

It creaks open, and Cassidy glances over from her spot on the sofa to see Mrs. Clarkson standing cautiously in the small gap she has made between the door and the frame.

"Hello." She states solemnly.

"Hi. I'm Harry." He replies quickly, almost an urgency to his greeting.

The neighbor nods and opens the space wide enough for him to enter the flat. As soon as Cassidy sees his short tousled curls, the small amount of sweat framing his face, and the terrified anger shooting through the greens of his eyes, her gaze immediately falls down to her pathetically shaky hands.

The fragrance of his cologne hits her first, swiftly followed by the warmth of his palms on her thighs.

"Cass." Harry exhales, lifting her chin with his finger, and she looks up to find his gaze flickering all over her face at a desperate speed. His fingers push her hair back on each side, and his thumbs brush over her skin as if searching for the answers. "Are you alright?"

Her brow furrows in uncertainty of how to answer. Sure, she is physically fine, despite the pending bruise that will most likely form from Derek's tight grip on her arm. But her heart, mind, and soul are in pieces. Not over Derek, per say. No, what hurts is the fact that this happened at all, that she let it happen, that she didn't see it coming in the first place. What hurts is that she has been in that situation before, years ago as a child, and still saw no signs in her most recent relationship. But what hurts the most, is the thought of what might have happened if her daughter had not stayed in her room.

"Cass. Breathe with me. Inhale for ten, remember?" His soft voice encourages, though the perceived gentle tone is wrapped with wavering confidence. "Cassidy… please, breathe with me."

Would Cecelia have seen what was happening, and understood? Would Derek have hurt her even more with her daughter present? Would he have hurt her daughter?

Pain and guilt strike every nerve in her body. She, of all people, should have seen signs. She, of all people, should have been able to avoid that situation. She, of all people, should have been able to keep that potential danger out of her child's life.

"C-... Cece…"

"Cece is fine. She's asleep. Mrs. Clarkson just checked on her before she left." She hears the words, though muffled by her racing thoughts. Warmth covers her cheeks again and her head begins to tilt by Harry's hand, raising her blurry gaze to find one of pure concern. "Cass, look at me. Cece is fine."

"I… let… let him… around her." She begins, eyes filling, unbelievably, with even more tears. "I let him… around my daughter!"

A silence fills the room, leaving only Harry's calm breaths left to encourage the regulation of her own. The heat on her cheeks travels to her hands, and she looks down to see them wrapped up in his.

"Inhale for ten." He whispers, taking a breath with her. "And let it out."

"I'm-"

"Please, love. Breathe." He demands in the most tender way, causing her gaze to shoot back up to his. "Breathe with me."

She nods, taking in air with Harry and holding it in as he holds her hands.

"I'm so… stupid." She states, releasing an exhale as she finally feels her lungs open and her chest release the tight hold it has around her heart.

"You're not stupid."

"I should have known." Her brow furrows, an anger towards herself rising to replace her panic as she catches more breaths. "And what's worse? I liked him. I mean… there were things that bugged me, things I questioned a little… but I kept seeing him!"

Harry's hands squeeze her own, so subtly, and she hears his throat clear as he pulls them away. His body moves around and takes a seat beside her, his elbows resting on his knees with his hands clasped together.

"You just… wanted someone… to share life with." He utters sombrely.

"The wrong someone."

"They're all 'the wrong someone' until we find the right one…" He states, a little chuckle following his words, clearly a little pleased with how philosophical his statement came across.

Cassidy releases an amused exhale and feels the tension of her body begin to loosen.

"And even then…" He adds, giving a small yet noticeable shrug. "Love is… complicated."

"I wasn't in love." She instantly replies, certain of that fact, even with the night's events aside. "I've… I've actually never been in love."

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Harry's posture straighten and his gaze shoot over to her.

"Really?"

She is unsure as to why, but his sudden reaction and the following question have her feeling embarrassment flood over her.

"Have you?"

"I think so." He replies, his hand reaching up and fingers readjusting the clip on his curls.

"Isn't that something you should know?" She asks, watching as his lips pull inward, and noticing something she has very rarely seen in him, if at all. Vulnerability.

"Is it really love if…" He releases a subtle sigh, and as she looks over, she sees him begin to twist his fingers of one hand around those of the other, as if his rings were still adorning them. "If… it's not reciprocated?"

Cassidy opens her mouth with nothing to say. She's never felt that way about somebody. Anybody. The relationship that should have been her example for love had all but destroyed the hopes she had for finding it. She may not even know how to do it properly. Then when Cecelia came along, there wasn't really a need for it. Though that is a different love. Nonetheless, she feels sad for Harry. Knowing how generous and caring he is with his friends and family, with her and Cecelia, she can only imagine how much more he would give to someone he felt that strongly for. And for it to not be returned? She's surprised he hasn't given up hope. She sure wants to, the little she even had to begin with.

"You… probably shouldn't ask me…" She utters, wrapping her arms around to hold herself, and staring down as her fingers gently run over the large red mark that's been left behind.

"Okay. I won't." He states suddenly, slapping his palms against his thighs and pushing himself off of the sofa. Cassidy looks up to him with surprise and curiosity, seeing the formation of a mischievous little smirk. "I'll make us some tea instead."

He walks into the kitchen, doing his best not to clang things around as he retrieves two tea cups from the cabinet and adds water to the kettle.

"You know what though? We're forgetting something…"

"And what's that?" Cassidy asks, repositioning herself to get him into view.

"We are married."

Her eyebrow instantly raises, and her eyes flicker all over the room in an attempt to gather some sort of clarification, though obviously unable to do so.

"I'm sorry… what?"

"Shit. I'm an idiot." He replies sheepishly, a pink hue evident under the kitchen lights. "Of course, you don't remember."

"Remember what?" She inquires, only to be met with a timid shake of his head as the colour on his cheeks grows brighter. "Clue me in, Harry."

"Nope, there's been too many trips down memory lane recently, most at my expense."

"No, you have to tell me! Please?" She asks, channeling the sweetest her daughter uses whenever she needs persuasion to tip the scales in her favour.

He closes his eyes and pulls his lips inward, and Cassidy can't help but giggle under her breath as she watches him prepare to respond.

"Alright. Well, one afternoon, when we were kids… you and Gem were playing fairies." He shares, followed by a sort of grunt as he takes in a breath to divulge more. "Gem wanted to have this elaborate fairy wedding, so she made you the princess… the bride… but you needed a groom. So she found me and-"

"Dressed you up to be the fairy prince!" Cassidy exclaims, immediately covering her mouth in an effort to quiet her new excitement. "I do remember now! Didn't she put glitter all over your face?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't remember that specific detail…" He gripes, pouring the hot water into the cups, and lifting them as he starts to walk back to the sofa. He hands the hot beverage to Cassidy, and carefully lowers himself back down next to her, taking a sip of his tea before resting it down on the table in front of him.

"Well, the wedding was pretty magical." She states. Harry lifts his head, turning it slightly towards her with a proud smile stretched across his face.

"Bit of a rocky marriage though." He points out, and Cassidy's jaw drops dramatically as she swats his arm, causing his hands to be thrown up in surrender.

"That's because the prince was, and still is, kind of a twat."

Harry mimics her offended reaction, his hand flying to this against his chest, as if physically pained by her insult.

"The princess is still kind of a pain in the ass herself."

"Well, thank goodness it wasn't official!"

"Umm, excuse me, but if I remember correctly, the ceremony was done with a magic wand." He states, so matter-of-fact. "That's binding."

"Oh bloody hell." She replies, pinching the bridge of her nose, annoyed but mostly amused by the declaration.

"You're stuck with me, Cass." Harry grins, most likely from his perceived triumph of the argument, yet Cassidy can't help but feel as if he is happy with the sentiment as well. With the notion that she has to put up with him and have him around, in some capacity, forever.

She wants to lean into her instincts and make some jab about how she regrets ever putting on the fairy tutu Gemma had made her wear. But as she focuses on the green of his eyes, she feels a heat run up her neck and hit the apples of her cheeks. She's flattered by his desire to continue to be friends throughout the rest of their lives, and she has to agree that she wants the same. Despite all of their childhood torment of each other, he truly has become one of her best friends, and she can't really envision him not being around. For her and for Cecelia.

A sudden thud from the corridor outside of her flat causes Cassidy's gaze to shoot over to the front door, her lungs to gasp, her arm to swiftly stretch out to her side, and her hand to latch right onto Harry's thigh.

"Hey, it's alright." She hears him say softly, her eyes unable to focus on anything but the front door. One strong, warm palm sets on top of hers, the other begins to run up and down her back, tearing her gaze away and back onto the man beside her. The friend beside her. "You're alright."

She feels her expression go from panicked to pained, and she feels hot tears trickling down her cheeks. Another feeling, an odd feeling, begins to overwhelm her, as if her body is being pulled between alarmed tension and settled ease. The noise outside has clearly triggered an unfortunately familiar response, and yet somehow it is also being so effortlessly drawn to a comforted state. By Harry.

"Would you like me to stay for a bit? We can watch a show or something."

Cassidy nods, still feeling the adrenaline coursing through her veins, though the intensity is decreasing as she watches Harry's caring gaze stay fixed on her, almost displaying relief with her unspoken response.

"Okay, then." He replies, pulling his lips inward, attempting to disguise a small smile that still manages to peek through by the corners of his mouth. He leans forward, grabbing the remote, and settling back into the cushions as he turns the television on.

Cassidy watches him while he scrolls, and something about such a mundane moment begins to bring her a slight amount of peace. She realizes that he seems to be one of the people, one of only a few people, who does that for her. Who actually can do that for her. And she needs all the peace she can get right now.

"Harry?" She practically whispers.

"Yes?" He replies, the light of the screen brightening his face and reflecting in his eyes as he scrolls through the viewing options.

"Would… would you… maybe, also…" She utters, clearing her throat to gain some volume, and confidence, for her next request. "Stay the night?"

His head immediately turns to her, his eyes wide, yet leaving her unable to determine what emotion is behind them. What thoughts could be causing them to react that way.

"Of course I will!" He exclaims, and more tears start to gather on her lash line at how quickly he answered, and how willing he is to do what she wants. What she needs.

He turns away, reaching to the other side of him, and twists back with one of her large blankets in hand. Cassidy scoots closer to Harry as he holds it up for her, allowing him to place the blanket on both of their laps. His arm stretches behind her on the back on the sofa, and without thinking, she leans into him, the movement of their adjustments causing her senses to be hit with his scent. It's the same as it's always been, but tonight it includes an increased, soothing element.

A few muffled noises outside momentarily grab her attention, her head slightly pointing in the direction of their origin on the other side of her front door. She lets out an exhale, louder than intended, and then feels the slightest squeeze around her shoulders.

"Are you alright? Comfortable?"

"As much as I can be, I suppose." She chuckles, accompanied by a scoff of disappointment and frustration, wishing she was able to truly calm down.

"You can… sit back up if you need to…" He utters, and she feels him begin to slowly pull away. "I can grab another blanket, or-"

She sits up, but only slightly, and only so she can meet the green eyes that are now filled with concern and uncertainty.

"No, it's not that. I just… I just don't know if I'll be able to relax fully here." She responds with a sigh, acknowledging that the events of the evening have taken their toll on her physical and mental state.

"Stay with me, then."

"What?"

"Come stay at my place."

"Harry, it's way too late." She states, confused as to his thought process behind the suggestion. "And Cece is sleeping."

"Not tonight." He replies, a bit of amusement to his tone. "Tomorrow. Pack up some things for the both of you, and just spend a few days there."

"I don't know. I don't want to impose-"

"You're not. I offered." He interrupts, seemingly annoyed yet entertained by her attempt to not inconvenience him, despite his constant reminders that she's not. This situation just feels a bit different for her. He's not responsible for making this situation any better. Yet, here he is, doing just that.

"And it's very sweet." She smiles, unintentionally, and feels a heat on her cheeks as he smiles back. "But also unnecessary. We'll be okay."

"Truth be told… I need it." He begins, bringing his balled up fist to his mouth as he clears his throat. "I won't be able to fully relax, unless I can see it… see that you're okay."

Cassidy is instantly hit with so many things at once. Her lips shut tight as she tries to swallow the lump that has instantly formed in her throat, her face tingles with the vibrant blush that has suddenly spread from her cheeks, and her abdomen tightens with something she can't quite understand.

"It would help me." He utters, a sudden timidity taking over the confidence he first used with his suggestion. "You don't have to."

"Well-" She tries to speak.

What is this feeling? What is going on in the pit of her stomach?

"But I'd like you to."

It's butterflies.

"Okay." She accepts, feeling her heart race with positivity, for the first time tonight. "If you insist."

Series Masterlist

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fkinavocado · 6 months

Text

DADDY ISSUES ANNOUNCEMENT

ok guys. let's recap. i've been writing on this fic since august 2021. i was gearing up to wrap it up for its 2 year anniversary in august, but my mental health got in the way of writing in general, not just for this fic.

however, there has been another major block in my way.

many of you might remember this if you've been around long enough, but i got a lot of backlash at one point in the story. some felt it wasn't going in the direction they had hoped for (a typical happy ending, picket fence, kids, etc- the whole package).

and ever since, this has been bothering me- but not just because of the obvious reason (which is, that this is my fic and i should get to decide what the storyline is ultimately, and who doesn't resonate can just move on instead of sending me hate for something i share on here for free and for us all to enjoy- me writing it, and you, hopefully, reading it)

no, the real, or should i say, bigger reason is that i was upset with myself.

because, honestly... i wanted to end the fic where part 1 ended!

but... i gave into the pressure. so many ppl were pleading for more, and although the initial plan was to just write extras going forward, little check-ins mainly based on prompts, i felt like i owed it to you all to give you the happy ending everyone was rooting for... when, in reality, i'd meant for it to have an open ending all along.

yes, the check-ins would have had them be together etc, but no major plot developments such as... getting married, babies, etcetc. because i just didn't want to give them a typical story. i wanted this to be based on their dynamic, their relationship, them working on it, but not have it be the traditional story with a happily ever after.

(very many insisted a lot on the baby plotline, and maybe that's why i went with that twist in the story... because i didn't see it for them in the immediate future. and writing it in a linear timeframe without too many timejumps meant that i had to find a workaround... which only infuriated people more!)

so i'be been debating this for months now... should i go on and just wrap it up in a lame way that i didn't feel did the story justice (aka another timejump where they're finally settled, have a kid and another one on the way, and describe their happily ever after) orrrrrrrrrrrrrr backtrack to where i feel i deviated from my original plan, and take off part 2 and 3.

basically, go back to where they were on his front porch and part 1 ended:

Harry looked at you for a long moment, towering over you- you could barely see his facial features in the dark.

But what you could make out clearly was the glistening in his eyes and the way his lips turned ever so slowly into a smile, his dimples on display. He was so handsome when he smiled, it hurt.

You slowly smiled in return, your worried expression fading away, and you just stared at eachother like that, smiling after months of nothing but.

You didn’t need to say anything, your eyes had their own secret language. Once more, your bodies were doing the talking for you.

He held out the palm of his hand.

And… you knew.

this... this is how i wanted the main story to end. and then to just write extras, prompts you guys send in, whatever you wanted to see more of- but maybe not them having kids etc because fjdhfksd this is just not that kind of story to me! i just wanted this to be about them, the two of them rekindling their relationship after so much time apart and all they'd been through!

so... i finally took the decision, and as a result, you may have noticed that just the first 25 chapters are still listed in the masterlist (essentially, just part 1)

this was a hard decision, one i've been debating for ages, because, well... i hated having to just erase so many chapters. chapters i worked on, chapters i still see as genuine and true to their story but just... not what i wanted to write for them as a whole. i wanted to just focus on little moments. not have it be a chronological recount of their story, going further.

i had to let go of so many special moments that i loved writing! who knows... maybe i'll save some of them and integrate them into extras

that is, if any of you still want me to keep writing extras for them! i know many will still want to see snippets of them, but i am well aware most have probably given up on this fic and i honestly don't blame them. it's taken me forever to reach this decision, but honestly, i'm taking the advice of so many lovely people who came into my inbox along the years and encouraged me to stay true to what i'd envisioned for them in the first place

so this is me doing that ❤️i love their story, and all the love you guys have for it and it's just so so special to me. i couldn't bear giving it an ending that would just feel like i was wrapping it all up and putting a pretty bow on top when i have so much i wanted to explore with them, otherwise. thank you all for your patience and all your kindness. it means a lot, and i hope this news makes you happy because... it makes me happy knowing i stayed true to myself in the end.

now i can finally move on and write more for them. let's have some fun! if needed, go back and at least give chapter 25 a re-read so you know where things left off. i'm still not doing well mental health wise so please bear with me- i'm trying. i promise i am. i desperately wanna write, i love writing. writing extras is so much easier logistically- little fun check-ins that i don't have to overthink. i'm hopeful that this will prove to be the right decision going further ❤️

#daddy issues #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smut #daddy harry

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papercupids · 11 months

Text

here (always).

pairing -> seungmin x reader. ft. bang chan.

warnings -> a lot of parental trauma on both y/n and seungmin's side, alcohol, seungmin is a jerk and then eventually transitions into something that resembles connell from normal people, some curses here and there.

word count -> 9.5k

summary -> as kids of the rival businessmen, all you and seungmin have been taught is to hate the other family with passion and to be better than them always, but its only about time when you fall in love with each other and he messes up. will he ever get to make it better?

a/n -> this is loosely inspired by our beloved summer (the kdrama) & normal people (the book + the show) and i've been writing this fic since august last year :") its only recently that i got the motivation to finish it !!! lemme know what y'all think??

listen to this playlist for songs that remind me of seungmin!

act i. last year of highschool, midterms result.

“And for the first place, we have two people who are quite close to the other, kim seungmin and-”

The microphone boomed through the filled but silent auditorium, everybody was on the edge of their seats about the midterm result, but one thing was certain, deep down, they knew it would be either you or Kim seungmin in the first place. It was annoying how many times jiung from section c, or geum hee from section a, and many others had wanted their name to be announced by the greasy voiced announcer but had failed.

Yes, you. You didn’t need to hear your name even to know it was you. It always has been that way, the both of you fighting for the first place.

“However, their results differ just by a point,”

This piqued your interest, you knew your mother wouldn’t let you live it down if you let seungmin win ever.

“y/n l/n, congratulations!”

Claps erupted from the hall and two rows from you, you could see seungmin smirk as he clapped too, but slowly and sarcastic, he’d lost but somehow he still managed to have that annoying smirk plastered over his face. You aren’t one to back down though, you bow down dramatically and offer him the most shiteating grin that you can muster.

From the last three years, it has been this way, both of you just a point ahead of the other or sometimes not even that, just quite literally neck to neck. And this, to the amusement of both of your parents, has become a regular topic of discussion at the dinner table.

It seemed like both of your families were destined to be rivals, your fathers in business, mothers in the bragging part and then the children in the academic stuff. And you weren’t quite sure why the two families would still insist on having dinner together occasionally, stabbing each other with words as much as possible.

“To y/n, to the perfect 499 you scored,” you rolled your eyes, as yeji fake toasted her water bottle, she knew you hated the whole thing because a) it was worthless b) even if you thought it was worthless, you had to work your ass off for it.

“I don’t know how you do it honestly, i’m practically dead with my 450,”

“You know i don’t have a choice,”

She nods understandingly.

"i feel bad for seungmin, you know, losing by just one point? he's gotta have a dent on his ego for sure,"

"let's rub it in," you smirk

The break was almost ending and you see seungmin entering the class, his friends cheering him on as well. You nod at yeji and get up, mischief on your mind, and tap at seungmin’s shoulder. The boys quiet down as they see you.

“Congratulations,” he extends his hand to meet yours.

“For losing to me again,” you wink as you sit on his desk.

“Oh, come on, all of us know, i just let you win,”

“You’re one sore loser, seungmin,” you roll your eyes and get up. “See you at dinner.”

The conversations resume but seungmin looks at you, chatting away with yeji then joining a couple of other people, picking up your backpack and then ultimately leaving the classroom.

He hated that he lost again, he knew very well he could have done better.

But then he shrugged, there’s always a next time.

the dinner was as crisp as the first few times, in one of those restaurants you could have a closed off booth. thankfully, or you didn't know what you would do if others could listen to the petty bickerings your parents were doing.

the greetings are through gritted teeth, seungmin looks completely dashing in a tuxedo, but his eyes are downcast. this was one of those times you felt sorry for the whatever jerk façade he had on, in school and here he was what he really could be.

it was fixed that whenever the results would be out, both of your families would go out for dinner, under the pretext of "celebrating their kids' hard work"

but you knew it was far from that, it was just something where they could brag about their own families and insist on paying the bill.

“So, seungmin, where are you looking at for college?” your mom asked, she wasn’t actually interested in knowing where seungmin was going she just wanted some material to compare you to later, to taunt you on how his choice would be better.

“Oh, actually, the same as y/n,”

“So the national university, then?”

He nods, chewing through his food.

“I doubt he’ll make it though, the way he’s studying,” his dad interjects.

And you swear you can see his face betraying him for a moment but he keeps a poker face as he says, “i’m gonna work harder, father,”

“You better,” your mum offers, “i want to keep on having these dinners, at least until you both bring your spouses to us, here,”

Seungmin’s mom chuckles, “yeah, then, you can continue the legacy, with your kids,”

You, for one, knew that this was something both you and seungmin could collectively agree on, to never do the same your parents did with your kids.

While you say your goodbyes, your mum holds you both and says, “i hope you get in the university, i really do, and you should work hard for it!”

“We will,” you both smile to each other before leaving.

Late that night, you have your headphones on as you look through your books, deciding what subject to study next as you munch on an apple.

This is the time you enjoy, the night, the silence, your music and-

The changing of the track allows you to hear the light taps on your window, and you run to it, light steps as if anybody would even pay attention to those sounds.

Sliding the window open, a brunette guy, about your age, comes inside, wearing a blue hoodie covering his head.

And kim seungmin.

“Hi,” he grins as you pull him in for a hug.

He smells of the outside, the night and the comfort. For as long as you live then, you’ll always associate this fragrance with someone you love - deeply, truly.

As you pull away, your face is just inches apart from his.

“I’m so proud of you,” he cups your face then kisses your forehead.

And then another kiss, this time on the lips. “I love you,”

This had been going for a while now, when two people are in the same shitty situation together, going through it with a person who’s having the same hell as you makes it easier.

Later, you’re on the bed, lying fully clothed, looking at the beige ceiling of your room, your hands intertwined, its the way he makes you feel, like there's no train you're running to catch, no flight that's leaving, you're here and he's here, it's content.

“Do you think i’ll make it? In college, i mean,”

You turn to look at him, “you’re one of the most intelligent people i’ve ever met, seungmin, you shouldn’t be doubting yourself just because your dad said so,”

“Right,”

you make a dissatisfied noise.

“Look at me,” you make him look at you, “we’ll both be alright, okay?”

“Okay,” a grin makes way on his face.

"i don't know though, i shouldn't doubt myself but everytime he says shit like this, i just end up wondering if i should really even do this, i don't even know if i'm capable enough, i just really don't want to disappoint him ever,"

"c'mon, minnie, we both know he's just frustrated and he can't find a better outlet than you because god knows how your mother would just stab him on the spot if he said something like that to her,"

"right, it just hurts sometimes,"

and you turn to him, brushing his cheeks with your thumb, "i'm sorry,"

he hums in response.

"you know i'm always here, right?"

you kiss him on the cheek.

he just smiles a little in response.

And you don’t know when you fall asleep, just that seungmin’s arms are the best place to sleep, better than any expensive pillow you could ever sleep on. When the sunlight hits your eyes, you’re alone, and much to your dismay, a pillow in place of where seungmin was.

In your chats with seungmin, he has attached a picture, of you sleeping, “i shall now blackmail you with this photograph - fail the next exam, or this is going to be on every phone in seoul haha”

You type back, “oh no shit i guess that way they can have a new wallpaper ;)”

Seungmin replies “🤢 i dont think ive ever seen anybody as narcissistic as you”

You quickly text back as you button your shirt, “yes u have”

Another text, “in the mirror”

To which he sends a rolling eyes emoji.

After saying goodbye and “see you at school” you quickly delete the chat with him before heading downstairs for breakfast.

You didn’t understand why seungmin insisted on keeping the whole secret, but then looking around at the breakfast table with your parents trying to explain to the cooks about some new diet they’d heard about from seungmin’s parents, maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. The idea of a competition was instilled so deep into their minds that they wouldn’t have ever even thought about such a thing.

And at school, it’s the same day over and over again every week with the only relief being the student sitting about two benches ahead in the row next to yours. He smiled at you when no one was looking and a look passed between you both, which was somehow more precious than any grand gesture could have been.

And the nights, your favourite part of the day, where you could be yourself, no guards up. Just him and you and all of your plans for each other, some music too maybe, but that’s it. In those moments, no stress could touch you, no harm. It was just bliss, just you both.

In that moment, you swear you could see forever, maybe a lifetime with him.

But reality caught up with you in the morning, that even if a forever was there, with him for you, there were too many challenges in the way, challenges that were exhausting but you were still getting to them, one step at a time, as he kept your ship afloat.

just as the school year progresses, the one social event you'd been dreading catches up quick as you sit in the cafeteria, sipping on some apple juice as some members from the council are busy lining the hallways with banners of the school colours, purple with yellow, and on it, written in block letters, 'the annual dance.'

as if sensing that you are thinking about it, yujin takes a bite from a sandwich as she asks, "have you thought about who you're gonna take?"

"i don't think i'm gonna attend, it's useless anyway,"

"oh, come on, these are the years you'll later miss, you'll be 67 someday and when your kids ask you about the fun stories of your youth, you'll have nothing, do you want that?"

"i think you're just overdramatising it,"

"and you're not paying attention to me, you NEED to come,"

you sigh, there was sometimes no way to win an argument with yujin and you hoped somebody from the table would rescue you but all the other girls were engrossed in their own topics. most of them, about the dance.

the truth was, you would be lying if you said you entirely didn't want to go, because you did but you weren't sure what that would entail. and a small part, okay, alright not that small but it wished seungmin would ask you to the dance.

it seemed impossible with the status of your relationship in the public but you hoped you could get past it, because as yujin said, these would be the days you'd end up missing.

but anyway you weren't even sure if dances were even seungmin’s thing.

so you sipped the last of the apple juice as yujin ran you through the pros of attending the dance.

"you can ask hyunjin, he has literally been eyeing you since the freshman year,"

"ew, what no, come on, yujin,"

"well, what about yongbok then?"

"no,"

"jeongin?"

"as if."

"hey! what about seungmin?"

and you can't even muster a clever response to that, yujin, thankfully doesn't seem to notice that she's struck a nerve. she continues chewing through the rest of her food and then finally, sighing, "at least sleep on it, okay? i want you there, really,"

you thank your friend and then head back to class, an entire day of books, notes and more books awaiting you.

the upcoming nights, there are just texts, "i can't come, i'm too tired," and there was no way you could have made 2 steps out of your own home without being caught so couldn't really blame seungmin.

but thank god for facetimes then. whatever you were doing, whether it was making notes for biology or tidying up your wardrobe, he was there, watching you, smiling at your little circumstantial jokes.

and after he fell asleep, you would look up at the ceiling till you could fall asleep, wondering how long someone could keep a secret.

maybe college would bring something more solid, and promising for you both. you desperately hoped it would.

you don't know why but on this particularly cloudy day as your family decided to drive out for lunch, your mind went out to the day you first met seungmin. you had been known him since freshman year but this was the incident that really made you see see him, in a different light altogether.

it was about march, and the air was crisp with the onset of spring, it was the perfect day for your physical education period where everybody was pondering whether they should play dodgeball or volleyball and they were actually serious about it.

but you weren't quite in the mood to play, and looking back you didn’t even know if it was a lie or just something you were doing out of sheer boredom but you were heading straight to the nurse's office when you heard soft piano sounds from the auditorium because the door was slightly ajar and the tunes were so delicate and just flowing together that it almost sounded like someone was playing a prerecorded track.

but when you stepped in, you saw him, sitting on the bench and playing through, completely engrossed and as you move closer you realise he's also humming some lyrics.

you take a seat in one of the chairs, the melody providing a great relief to your ears as compared to the nonsensical chatter of your classmates and he's way too much into it to notice you there anyway.

and he slows down his movements on the piano as the tune ends on a light note, he finally turns, freezing when he spots you there.

expecting a snarky comment from you, he's picking up his backpack.

"that was good,"

he didn't think you were physically capable of compliments, so he just stood there, trying to make sense of it.

"thank you?"

"i didn't know you played, your parents never told mine i think,"

"don't tell them." it comes out as a threat when its actually meant as a request. he'd learnt how to play it from a friend and he didn't want his parents to know because they'd be all over him for wasting his time on something that 'unproductive'.

"oh, um, okay,"

and that was the day you began wondering about an aspect of the boy you were used to knowing, it became endearing to you the fact that he could have a whole lot of himself away from those pretentiousness of it all.

and after that it's just inevitable, somehow you keep bumping into each other, sometimes during grocery shoppings, sometimes during bus rides the seat next to him would be vacant and you'd just sit there. any enmity was just pushed back gradually, as if you both were just different people here, new versions of yourself, it was almost refreshing.

and then came the planned meetings, at cafès and small restaurants way too far from home so you couldn't have a chance to be recognised by anyone.

it just meant something that was meant to fall in place.

seungmin is tired; tired of sitting every day at the same dining table and being pulled apart, for every little thing he does or doesn't. he tries to concentrate on his food, on every strand of the noodles he's eating, on every crunch of the meat, so that the things he's actually meant to hear will tune out.

"and it's coming up," turning to him, his mother looks at him eagerly, "when is it?"

"when is what?"

"the dance?"

"somewhere in december,"

"seungmin, today is the 5th,"

oh, that could be the reason his face feels drier than usual, oh, it was also snowing. he needs to pay better attention to his calendar.

only if he wasn't spiraling though.

he's convinced the only thing that's keeping him rooted and connected to reality is you.

"i think before christmas,"

"have you asked someone yet?"

he imagines the kind of trauma he would unleash upon himself, all the members sitting on the table and the servers, who are alert at every movement each of them makes, to refill every glass to ensure the stew is hot, if he announces he's dating you.

it would be hilarious in some other universe, but right now he was here, and if he was going to survive anymore of dinner at the same table, he needed to be rational.

"i haven't yet, i plan to soon,"

"you better, i don't want to hear about my son being a complete loner who doesn't even date, we don't want you being labelled as 'the nerd',"

seungmin's mother sheepishly asks, "do you know if y/n's taking someone?"

"i don't know,"

he's not even sure what you think of dances.

"you need to be better, seungmin, be better,"

it's the one dialogue which keeps on playing in his head, long after he's asleep, even in nightmares the monsters aren't chasing him to kill him, they're asking him to "be better, do better," and it stings as he lets it slide like he always has.

everywhere around you, you can see people holding hands, newly in love, their futures after the dance unknown.

the public displays almost makes you want to throw up but then you kinda wish you were holding hands with that one guy across a few tables, too, he's smiling at something someone said but as he catches your eye, he smiles at you, blinking twice.

"i love you!" you want to scream to the whole cafeteria, standing on one of the tables. "i love you so much that i can't hide it anymore, i wish we didn't have to,"

it wouldn't be of any use, he's not keeping it under wraps voluntarily, and you know that.

the sandwich on your plate doesn't look quite desirable but you're hungry enough to eat it in slow and unsatisfactory bites.

there's a sudden pause in the discussions of the girls at your table, and yeji moves in closer to you.

"do you know who asked yujin to the dance?"

you arch your eyebrows and then look at the mentioned person who is engrossed in conversation with one of your other friends, karina, and they are most probably going through their outfits for the dance.

"uh huh,"

"your arch-nemesis,"

your hand froze at the side of the table where you kept it for support and you stopped mid way of chewing your bland sandwich, and stomach lurched out, threatening to make you throw up in front of the entire cafeteria. you just pray yeji can't see it.

"i'm so surprised, right? i've never even seen seungmin look at her even,"

and you can't process the rest of the gossip which she seems to nonchalantly throw around.

"are you sure?" you ask, you can feel your lips begin to tremble.

"what do you mean 'are you sure?' i saw it, he asked her in the library, and she rolled her eyes at him but then obviously said yes."

as the bell rings, you dump the rest of your sandwich in the trash, and walk back to class, where seungmin is settling in his desk and dropping the books for the period that's about to follow, on the desk.

since the bell is about to ring, people are hurrying about trying to fit in a few minutes of free time before the agony of the class begins and running around; someone once said, what the school truly is, you can only know at lunch time. or not. maybe you just made that up in your panic and anxiety as you approach seungmin wordlessly and grab his hand, leaving no room for argument as you drag him out of the class, to the staircase where no one cares enough to go and whoever does has already left.

"in public, y/n? really?"

you can't answer him, so you blankly stare at his face.

"you asked yujin to the dance."

he shrugs, how was everything of so little meaning to him?

"yes, i guess,"

"i guess? do i really mean that little to you?"

"y/n, are you hearing yourself? we can't be seen together like this and you know it's because our parents would rip out ours and each other's throats if they knew, and they wanted me to go to this bloody dance, which, by the way, i'm telling you already i won't be enjoying. and the last resort was asking someone other than you, it's not a big deal, really."

and the bell rings.

you don't even have anything to say so you withdraw your eyes from his; seungmin knows he's fucked up but he can't do anything about this.

he's sick of having things he can't control, but he can't do anything about that either.

the only thing that keeps him going is that he can change it, in the future. that it will be better.

and he walks away. the students, with their unpausing chatter are gathering inside the class again as he walks, and you stand there trying to figure out if the whole thing was just a bad, bad fever dream or maybe worse, a joke seungmin's family had planned, how easily can we make our son break hearts?

you wouldn't be surprised if it was one of their tactics.

and the rest of the day passes in a haze, like a flashback, but you do remember not looking at him even when you see him staring at you, you can't. you aren't sure how much of this hurt you could take, if your parents didn't want you to date then you shouldn't. period.

this was it.

and the next few hours, you spend putting your phone on do not disturb and you're surprised by how much you can study when you don't have anyone to distract you and don't have to constantly check your phone for notifications, maybe this was for the better afterall.

but as you slowly reach towards the end, you can feel your notes stain with your tears, god, fuck him.

and you can't even escape him in your own room, because every corner, there is something or the other connected to him, whether the plushie which smells just like him after he sprayed it with his perfume once or the watch he gifted you on your birthday, it's all there.

a pathetic thought creeps in your brain, you should just let him in, it's not his fault. and you knew it wasn't but you shouldn’t have been suffering either, it was unfair.

maybe all those road trips in the usa and the expeditions in maasai mara were meant to be just a dream. it just seemed worthless that you were stupid enough to think this could work anyway.

amidst the small chewing sounds and the slight clatter of plates on the table, mostly no one talks at the dining table, no one has to, anyway, they have nothing to talk about.

If you remove the whole bragging to neighbours and relatives aspect from your family, they could actually end up being pretty cool too, not interfering much in your life except your studies.

“You just need to study well, y/n, everything else will fall into place,” your mother always told you, she didn’t want you to be dependent on anyone, financially or emotionally. It was always one of her main principles, “stand on your own feet, then you can fall in love with someone, or not,”

So that part was pretty neat about your family. And you didn’t think your father was in quite a hurry to marry you off too, but you wondered if it’s just because you are just about to come of age, will things change soon? You hoped they wouldn’t.

After a lot of failed attempts and second thoughts, you finally clear your throat, and unnaturally which makes both of them stare at you.

“Mum, dad, i need to tell you something,”

He’s been trying to call you for hours now, every call being forwarded straight to voicemail.

He really had messed up, and if this proves anything it means he should have never listened to hyunjin rant about the dance, and how important making a move was, he just wanted to rewind time as far back as he could in the day and never pick up the books yujin dropped and ask her about the dance. How could he be so dumb?

“I don’t know what came over me, y/n, really, i’m sorry, please,”

And at that moment, a knock sounds at the door, “yes?” he calls out.

It’s his mother, holding a plate of different fruits, she pushes the door open with her hand and quickly shuts it off before balancing the plate again.

“Seungmin, have you been studying late again?” she places the plate on his study table, and ruffles his hair slightly.

“No, mum, just trying to revise a bit.”

And she sits on the corner of his bed, facing him and smiling endearly. “Good,”

“Have you talked about the date?” the topic he was dreading. Right now there was nothing else he wanted to talk about more, hell, he could even take her nagging right now.

“Yes,” he answered half-heartedly, “yes, i asked someone,”

“You don’t seem too happy about it,”

“Because i don’t want to take her,”

“Then do you have someone else you want to take?”

Yes. he could almost say it, could he? He wanted to shout, yes and i love y/n, a lot, at that.

“No, i just think dances are stupid,”

“Oh, well, you could just leave early, if you want, just dance a bit,”

She stands up and starts flattening the sheets on his bed, cueing that she’s about to leave, “oh also, who’s this bang chan?”

“Hmm, he was an alumni, a senior, why?”

“y/n’s taking him to the dance,”

“What?” he almost shouts, and then regains his composure.

“Well, obviously, their mother called,”

He doesn’t say anything, he just hopes his mother would leave the room soon and closes his eyes so she can’t see it, the tears.

After putting the pillows properly, she turns to leave.

“Sleep soon, seungmin,”

“Hmm,”

And as soon as the lock clicks, he opens them again, leaning against his desk, “fuck!” he whisper-shouts, running his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he bangs his palm on the table.

If it didn’t hurt like a bitch, he would have actually given it to you on how genius the idea was, how it had struck the exact nerves it was meant for.

He didn't sleep that night, he had too many mixed emotions inside him, he didn’t know what to even say to you, like what exactly even gives him the right to be hurt when he was the one who initiated the hurt on you first?

He had unknowingly made what was one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

At the other side of the city, you were hurt, you had thought revenge would make it better but it couldn’t, it didn’t, you just wanted to be wrapped in seungmin’s arms again, and stay that way, forever. The plushie, a bear one, didn’t do much of a good job of a substitute.

and you couldn't believe that what you had put off doing for about over 6 months was so easily just done and it had went well at that.

"i'm dating seungmin,"

it had obviously garnered shocking reactions from your parents but only because of the abruptness of the confession.

"i mean, i was, not anymore,"

"well, i mean i could somehow see the both of you giving each other glances so this wasn't a surprise for me,"

your mother loved to know things, this was one of the things she knew, whether she was pretending or not, you couldn't tell but you went with it.

"why did you break up?"

"oh, well, he thinks it'll be a huge deal if his parents find out so he's not telling them and he asked someone else to then dance,"

"then you should, too," your father piped in.

"ask someone else?"

"yes, if there's anything we're gonna do is defeat them,"

and you laughed at the absurdity of it, but he was right, it would take the edge off.

so you'd call an old friend from school, chan, who was now in college, to come with you, that way it wouldn't even be weird.

the days leading to the dance brought extreme awkwardness, with neither of you knowing what to do in case of bumping into each other except admire the walls, or the ground if you do.

"bang chan's hot, god, how can you take him 'just as a friend'? you might at least have some hots for him, hmm?"

"nope, he's hot, i admit, but not my type,"

"oh, well, then what's your type?"

"i don't know but not chan,"

she signs and shakes her head.

"who are you taking?" you ask her out of curiosity but when she goes absolutely red in the face, it amuses you.

"i'm taking lia," she says quietly.

"oh my god, yeji! that's great, oh my god," you didn't know there was something going on there but you were glad it was, you could totally see it happening.

later in the day, in the library, you can sense some weird commotion and whispers a few tables away and to your absolute dismay, you spot seungmin there, along with a couple of his friends, so you go back to your book immediately.

when you glance again, one of his friends jisung was standing right beside you eagerly.

and you look at him questioningly.

"what?"

"um, y/n," he says. and you still hold the harsh, hostile look in your eyes, the few other people left on that table are looking sheepishly, including seungmin, who stole glances, seeming like he didn't really want to be interested in the topic but you know he was listening in, he had to be.

"i wanted to ask……"

"will you go to the dance with me?"

and you now glance directly at seungmin, really? lets say he couldn't tell his friends that he was dating you but he could at least have stopped one of his best friends to not ask out his girlfriend, no, ex girlfriend.

but you feel sorry for the boy in front of you.

"i would have loved to, jisung, but i already have a date,"

he gives an understanding smile and when he begins to turn away, you call out to him.

"but save me a dance, will you?"

as he turns to go, you look at seungmin, his sorry face hangs there, and you shake your head. this was the last straw.

The doorbell rings, and you look at the time, it’s chan.

You hold out your hand to your parents to stop photographing you, they’ve been doing that for the past half an hour, ever since you walked out all-ready.

“Chan!” you greet him as you smile at him, it’s been a good while since you saw him and he’s definitely finer than what he was, grew nicely into his features, yeji had told you about him and you could see it now.

He was holding a small bouquet of baby’s breath and as you lead him in, for a second round of photographs, he greets your parents and they make small talk too.

After posing awkwardly for a couple of photographs, you look at the time again, you should probably leave.

“y/n,” your mum calls out to you, and then whispers, “don’t think much about seungmin, okay? Don’t let him ruin your night,” you nod.

“Let’s go?” you ask as chan is talking to your father about something, nodding.

You put the bouquet on the kitchen counter, asking your mum to place it in a vase for you, and finally leave, your parents reminding you of your curfew.

“So,” chan holds the steering and looks at you, “long time no see, huh,”

You smile back, you’re meant to be happy today, no thoughts about seungmin please.

As he drives to the venue, the rest of the conversation is about how the school has changed, some digs at the teachers, and how your studies are going.

No one knew you were bringing chan, except yeji of course, but the others simply were quite engrossed in their own dates so much that they hadn’t asked and you didn’t think you would have told them either. But the thing with chan was that when he was your senior, he was The Crush, the guy everybody unanimously had a crush on, the nice guy, he was approachable, sweet, gentle, everything you could ever imagine being ideal, so you bet this won’t be something thats going to die down soon.

Seungmin spent the past week trying to figure out how he’ll face you, preparing himself for the moment you walk in with chan but no amount of preparation could have readied him for this, the look on your face as you walk in, your arms interlocked with his, he’d have thrown up.

“Everything okay?” yujin asks him.

“Yeah, yeah,”

The dance in itself is not a very airy place to be, with people crowding around every empty corner and the dim lights fluctuating and the music was also way too uptempo for him but for whatever reason it was, he waved back as his friends called out to him.

he could feel yujin looking at him as he slowly joined them, because she wanted to dance and he didn't and to avoid that conversation was easier than saying no.

"oh did you see chan? can't believe y/n out of people snatched him?"

"what's there not to believe?" seungmin was now looking at you both talking to a few friends of yours, arms still not apart.

"well, you know, you expect nerds to be a little anti social you know?"

"well, good for her i guess,"

and he feels her tug at his arm.

"seungmin, come with me,"

he follows, even though he knows what's going to happen, he just feels like these days despite knowing certain things are going to happen, he can't stop them from happening. odd.

"why did you even ask me?" this is the second question, he can't remember the first one.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to?"

"what?"

"i said, sorry i didn't mean to,"

"honestly seungmin, screw you, i can't believe i rejected felix for you,"

"i'm sorry,"

she's already gone.

i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, it keeps on repeating in his mind, he's sorry, to you, to yujin, to everybody else. he wished he was better, he could be, he just didn't know how to.

be better, be better, it was what he kept on hearing a lot of and he wished somebody would give him a manual for that. he was trying his best, so where was he failing? he failed at recognizing that as well.

and now he can’t move from this staircase he’s sitting on, the muffled music can reach his ears but its not as bad now, his thoughts drown it out now. that and maybe the "small" amount of whiskey jisung gave him. he shouldn’t have done that either.

He leans on the wall, he should go home now, but he’s not ready to answer his parents’ queries so he sits there and waits, so he can go home peacefully.

He doesn’t know when he falls asleep in that position, his limbs huddled together for warmth but he feels it when someone puts an extra jacket on his shoulders.

In his drowsy state, he can still make out your figure, he’s convinced it’s a dream.

“y/n,”

“are you drunk, seungmin?”

he nods softly, he can feel a warm pang of guilt.

“I’m here,” and then looking at a figure beside you, you're talking to it, “can we drop him home? Its close,”

And he falls asleep again, in the backseat of the figure’s car, mostly because he still thinks he’s in a dream, an extended reality dream.

“I’m sorry, y/n, i’m so sorry,” he keeps on saying. He realizes now why he slept so hard and unconsciously that day, because he’d been not sleeping properly for about two weeks, tossing and turning and then ultimately just giving up trying to sleep at all.

He can’t walk properly, he sees you put his arm around your shoulders and lead him in, to the door.

“Will you go from here? Are you sure?” he nods, still yawning.

“Thank you,” you nod at him.

The car door slams as you sit inside, taking a minute to compose yourself as you look at chan. He’s already looking at you.

“You love him,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Loved.”

act ii. 6 months later.

he doesn't know how it happens but one second he's completely stressed about the first semester papers, trying to go through everything and anything he has missed, a sharp memory crosses his mind -

he's spinning in the chair that sits by your study as you lie on your back, questioning him about geography, there's a quiz the day after.

the moment that you look up at him, smiling as he gets an answer right is etched in his mind and its about to replay when a certain someone knocks over the table he's hunched over, nose deep in his books.

"hey," it's chan.

he's immediately embarrassed looking at him because the last time he met him he was just muttering sorrys and leaning over to you for support.

"oh, hey," he bows at him as chan takes the spot in front of him.

"long time no see!"

chan is a great person, he's very bright and he has that infectious aura of bright things except he doesn't want him here for two reasons, a) he's in stress, he'll get overwhelmed if he's not reading over every word and making sure he knows all of it, and b) he's not in the mood to be discussing the last time. this is the worst time to be bringing up the past.

Chan takes one of the books in front of seungmin and flips through it, “midterms, eh?”

He doesn’t wait for seungmin’s response but seungmin nods anyway, “don’t stress much, it’s alright,”

“Yeah, i’m just, cramming a little bit of last minute revision,”

“How have you been?” seungmin is just about to answer when chan’s phone rings, he says a little “excuse me,” and answers his phone.

“Yeah?” “oh, it’s 7 already? I didn’t realize,” “i was just in the library,” “yes, i’ll head over there now,”

He cuts the call.

“Hey, seungmin, c’mon, let's grab something to eat?”

“Oh no, no, it’s okay,”

“Just come on, we’d love your company,”

He wished he had asked who the “we” meant.

Chan wasn’t mean, he wasn’t a bad guy. Quite far from it, actually. So it came naturally to him to invite the poor boy for dinner. The boy he had seen, not even six months ago, breaking down pathetically in public. He just wants to be nice, he swears.

He doesn’t know or quite weigh the consequences, maybe because all of it is so spontaneous or maybe its his naivety on the subject. or maybe its the fact that deep down he doesn't like the way things were last time when he saw seungmin.

So when seungmin walks out with him, after gathering all of his books and pens and pencils from the library table, they talk about the college, the professors, the courses they’re taking and they pass by various cafes and little bookstores, and grocery stores. Seungmin loved this street, he’d walk around it every time things got overwhelming, to remind himself of the universe, of other people, of how small they all were, how small everything was. It was just comforting to him in an odd way.

They take a turn in front of a hamburger place and step inside, the pop music is a little too drowned out by the laughs of a group of people from their own university, they seem to be having a nice time.

And he’s looking around as chan seems to have spotted the table where they’re meant to be going, seungmin follows, scanning the place, he’s never had the actual nerve to go inside one of these places, mostly because he’d be too anxious to eat all alone and he didn’t have.. Many friends. Just one, his roommate.

In his peripheral vision, he sees the older male hugging someone and later pecking them on the cheek, was he third wheeling? He felt incredibly awkward in that moment but Chan looked back at him and called out to him, and he saw something which made him want to absolutely just regret everything he had done today that led up to this. Why did he get up on the left side of his bed? Why did he wear his beige shirt instead of the white one? Why did he go to the library when he could have easily stayed home.

You. standing there. Smiling until it froze uncomfortable, the smile. Neither of you expected the other there, it was a complete sneak attack. One that perhaps chan should have got the memo to not have arranged if he was there at all that night.

Chan wasn’t mean, really, but he couldn’t resist himself when he saw that boy on the table, all alone, his nose buried in the book, if memory serves him right he was somewhat popular in school, he’d have about five to six guys around him, not notorious at all, just good guys, who were popular. And Chan wanted to take a dig at him, the guy his potential romantic interest still couldn’t let go of.

And he should have known better, but at that moment it only seemed right to do it.

“are you crazy?”

“i really thought it would be nice for you to reconnect,” to say you were angry was an understatement but chan, at the same time was calm and composed which made you all the more angry.

“reconnect? after you saw what happened that night? after i told you how much i was still hurting because of him?”

“well, then wouldn’t it be a little better to talk?”

“NO!”

“oh, well, then, i’m sorry, i just thought it’d be too rude to not invite him since he already looked lonely,”

you sigh, there was no way it was that, you’d learn that in the months of being around him that he was nice, really nice, but sometimes he didn’t think much about the consequences, it was part of why you’d never date him, even if he kept on asking you to go out with him, on multiple occasions.

despite getting over the dinner, making minimal and formal conversation, like you didn’t know each other inside out, it just kept playing in your mind that exactly a year ago, you were looking forward to this, on how this would be the best part of your lives.

but this did confirm what you had long thought to be true, that you would never actually hate seungmin, in fact, never would stop loving him.

as you said your goodbyes, you wanted to do nothing more than leave chan’s side and run towards seungmin, join him, have him tell you how his year had been going, how did he convince his parents to agree to him pursuing music as a subject when all along they wanted him to go into computer science.

“chan,”

this was your stop, your cozy little apartment, the one you wished seungmin could come into, this time by the front door.

he looked up, and you smiled at him.

“it’s okay,”

he smiled, too, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He knew that instead of the outcome he thought of getting, by putting your past in front of you suddenly, it wasn’t going to go the way he wanted to.

you love him, still.

your hand hovered over the contact that you hadn't blocked but the message had been left on seen for quite some time. a blank profile picture and a username that you once thought would be tagged in a soft launch.

the last few messages sound desperate.

"y/n… please, sorry, hear me out at least,"

"i miss you, i'm sorry, can we talk, please?"

"y/n…."

that’s all. you remember debating hundreds of times, to text back, to call him, to ask him, to let him apologise. but it didn't end up happening.

a few days after that awkward meeting, it’s a tuesday, and you're so tired of it all already that you're yet again debating dropping out of college. it’s the day of the week when it was particularly hard because they all had engagements or plans for dinner, but you.

maybe you can blame that you've never seen seungmin around on the fact that you were never sure if he was actually around but now that you do know he's around, it seems like every face kind of resembles him.

so when you get out of the library on that particular tuesday evening, anticipating yet another convenience store dinner, you’re too egoistic to admit that you were relieved to see the real seungmin there, even if you have no clue on how to react or respond to the fact that he's standing right there in the same aisle - browsing different types of jam and this seemed to be the only way for you to get some coca cola.

he gives you an awkward smile as he holds two bottles of the jam, there’s strawberry and an orange jam.

"hey," it's a soft one, but you can tell by the tone that it isn't out of a simple obligation for him to say hi, he genuinely does seem to be wanting to talk to you.

you walk to him slowly. "hi, what’s up?"

"can you choose one?" he points to the bottles.

a bit later, you’re sitting inside a restaurant you had frequented for only the first month of you starting uni, quickly growing sick of the same dishes over and over again but since it was a close option, it was doable.

"i told my parents before the dance," you confess, he looks surprised, yes, but it wasn't one of the reactions you imagined, he wasn’t hyper or overly interrogative of you he just nodded.

"well, kind of a similar thing happened for me," he says quietly.

and seungmin explains how he felt like a complete pressure cooker in the days that led upto your breakup and that it finally lost control the day after the dance. he had a complete breakdown and something he always expected, happened.

although his father still doesn’t talk to him and neither does his mother except asking him once in a while about how he’s doing, he actually feels content with himself, all his life he’s done everything his parents wanted but he really couldn’t have lived with himself if he had let them dictate his life here as well. and he’d made a mistake by not speaking up sooner, maybe he would have had you still if he did, but at least eh improvised on it

he hesitates a little when he gets to the last part, and an awkward silence follows, but you’re glad you have food left on your plate so you can pretend to be interested in it.

"so, music, huh. what instrument?"

"piano.."

you smile at the memory, it seems such a long time ago that you met at the auditorium, you were so unaware about the memories you would hold with this person.

"i'm learning the guitar as well,"

"you should play for me sometime,"

you mentally slap yourself for saying that, it was too soon to have ideas for meeting again but it seems like your mouth had a mind of its own. thankfully, seungmin isn't very aware of the debate inside your mind.

"obviously,"

another period of silence follows, in which seungmin grapples with the aspect of asking a question that he isn't sure if he should ask or not, but then gives in, the worst has already happened.

"so, you and chan are a thing?"

you accidentally let out a laugh. ever the curious man, your ex.

"no, no," you shake your head. "i mean i like him, he likes me, we're friends alright, and it helps to have someone who knows his way around, so that's why we hang out,"

"oh, that’s pretty cool. i wish had someone like that,"

seungmin feels so relieved right now that he could break into a dance, he could even grab the waiter by the collar and grind on him. he was just that happy.

as you leave, he points to the opposite direction of where you're heading, "that side's me,"

"alright then i'll see you later,"

but he turns around quick, “hey, wait, y/n,” you give him a questioning look.

“i can play the guitar for you, if you want."

in your more than a year of being together, you’d never seen seungmin’s room, mostly because he was too scared for you to come there although he would like to give an excuse of he didn’t want you to walk alone to and back from his place. but deep down, you did kinda know the reason, you’d have been pretty blind to not.

so when he enters the number on the keypad, you look away. and as he invites you in, he rushes to put a few things into place, straighten the sofa, and take the dirty plates to the sink. there are notes lying around but mostly a guitar, just sitting on the sofa.

“uh, would you like something to drink or eat?”

“did you forget we just had dinner?” you laugh.

“okay, okay, yeah. i’m sorry, i’m just nervous.”

after making you promise to not laugh at any bad notes here and there, he finally starts playing. it’s clear that he is nervous, and he has a certain blush on his face. but you take this moment to scan him. this seungmin compared to the one that you dated, it seemed to be really different. there was an obvious change in the way he carried himself. he was struggling with himself but not in the way that he was before, this time he seemed free. free from carrying his family’s pressure everywhere he went.

he played some taylor swift song from her initial days because he liked the country genre and he’s good at it. why he would think that you would laugh at him was beyond you.

“you’re really good at this, minnie, uh, seungmin.”

it grows awkward as your old nickname for him slips out and he ultimately puts his guitar aside.

“i want to say……” he sighs. “there’s no easy way to say this, but i’m really sorry, y/n, for all the things that happened back then, i can’t skip the accountability because i reallly messed up but believe me when i say i didn’t really mean for it to happen, it was just a really bad time.”

you nod, “it’s, um, alright, i thought about all of it and it’s alright, we were really immature,”

“me more than you,” he comments.

“yeah, but it’s alright, what matters is that you’ve changed, and for the better, look at you playing all these instruments, it’s admirable,”

he blushes a little, “thanks,”

after that one meeting, you’d been texting seungmin, on one excuse or the other. you’d forgotten your scarf that night in his apartment so he suggested you could grab breakfast together and he could hand it over.

or later when you asked him if he wanted to study together for abit, which spoiler, did not end in you both studying because as compared to your school days you didn’t have pressure to absolutely be the best but you could actually enjoy the process.

chan is.. upset, but deep down he did know that he didn’t stand a chance because he could tell that you were never over seungmin, so he gracefully stepped back. and he’s seen you around campus, hanging out with him, and he was happy that you were actually enjoying his company.

“you know what would be really funny now?” seungmin laughs as you’re both sitting on your sofa, you’ve called your friends over to introduce them to seungmin. you’ve been hanging out with him for over a week now and they wanted to know who this new guy was. none of them really knew it yet that he was actually the ex you started crying over when you’ve had too much to drink.

“what?” you ask, opening up a packet of chips meant for later, sit down next to him and then pass it to him.

“well, you could pretend you never dated me in front of your friends,” and his voice drops a little low, “like i did,”

“seungmin,” you place the packet aside and take this chance to do something you’ve wanted to as soon as you saw him again, kiss him. his lips are so gentle, and you’re so, so thankful to the entire universe out there that he exists at the same time as you, and that eventually made his way back to you. and as he kisses you back, you can sense the desperation in his actions, he reaches his hand out to rest at your waist but hesitates, so you place them there.

“i would never pretend about that,” your face is still so close to his. he feels like he could cry, seungmin never really thought he could have you back, he feels relieved right now, he has the world in his palms now. he pulls you in close through the grip he has on your waist.

“i’m never letting you go again,” he whispers in your ear.

and the bell rings.

“is this a bad time?” giselle and ningning look at you suspiciously, “why do you…..?”

as they enter and look at seungmin, the puzzle solves itself, “okay…”

“actually we just thought of something we had to do, so what we’re going to do is leave,” giselle announces, dragging ningning out the door despite your protests to join the party. you also hear her call somi, “change of plans…”

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ilraksroost · 1 month

Text

CW: blood, dismemberment, character death

Now that the Absent Moon stream has happened, I can share this thing I've been holding onto since August :>c

This is from a draft of a scene from the speculative fan libretto I was working on (and will get a little bit of tweaking now mwahaha) and uses OLD concepts I had for Pongo under the helmet.

Single page version and Image ID under the cut:

A Five panel comic:

Panel 1: Close up of a TV slowly tuning in through static. The caption reads "Pongorma? Pongorma!"

Panel 2: Closeup of the now clear TV screen revealing Dedusmuln, a faceless humanoid with orange skin, yellow "hair", and green horns looking into the camera. The caption reads: "Panel 2: Closeup of the now clear TV screen revealing Dedusmuln, a faceless humanoid with orange skin, yellow "hair", and green horns looking into the camera. The caption reads: "I wasn't sure if you would answer since it is so late!"

Panel 3: The camera starts to pull back, showing the silhouette of a person wearing a horned helmet laying face up next to the TV. The caption reads: "This island is safe! I'm coming back!"

Panel 4: Close up on Pongorma's badger-like face. His red helmet is cracked, there is blood trickling down his face, his mouth is open, and his eyes are unfocused. The caption reads: "We've got the airship going at top speed to Foglast so you and I can investigate what you saw the other night, together!"

Panel 5: A top view revealing Pongorma's nearly limbless, lifeless body staring up at the sky. A trail of blood shows Pongorma had dragged himself to the TV before his death. Below the ledge he is on, there is a hoard of the glowing eyes and faces of a swarm of Wreatures. The caption reads: "Pongorma?"

#cw blood #cw dismemberment #cw death #hylics #absent moon #pongorma #dedusmuln

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lyramundana · 8 months

Note

Hello! Your request of Bang Chan being jealous/controlling is set to be written in August.

But since we are both a lover of soft smut, can I pls request inexperienced reader with Chan? Just something comforting and sweet.

Thank you :)

I'm incredibly, tremendously sorry for the long waiting. I'm the queen of procrastinating and I had zero ideas of how to proceed with this one, but mostly it was procrastinating. I'm not confident on writing soft smut scenes, but I'll try my best here:

Again, sorry for the waiting, and I hope this turned out decently. It's been on my drafts for a long while, but I never found the headspace to finish it:

When you were first starting to get to know Christopher, it was obvious he was experienced in that field, which made you slightly insecure about your own lack of it and it worried you that he might had find you less desirable.

Surprisingly, not only he was very understanding and sweet about it, but he seemed to want you even more.

He gladly took over everything. If you weren't sure, he guided you through it with his gentle voice and safe hands. Needless to say, your first time with him was mindblowing and better than you could've ever imagined. In fact, you enjoyed it so much that you felt yourself growing addicted to it.

You never thought you could grow so needy and horny for a man, and it made you feel a bit embarrassed sometimes, but he made clear how much he loved it.

You come home after an awful day. Everything seemed to go the opposite way of what you wanted, and added to the sexual frustration you are already carrying, you are beyond stressed. Your boyfriend is there, waiting for you to arrive, and as soon as he notices your mood, he hops you in his arms to comfort you.

-Hey, babygirl. What happened? Do I need to beat up someone? -he caressed your hair, kissing your forehead as he spoke in his gentle, loving voice. You felt yourself melt in his arms and the stress slowly leaving you.

-Just a bad day, that's all. I'm so sick of everything. -you murmur with your face buried in his shirt, and you happened to feel his strong pecks right under it.

Your skin feels hotter and it has nothing to do with the weather.

He rubbed your back, soothingly.

-You know what, baby? How about we take a long, warm bath and you try to relax? And maybe you can tell me about your day -he said as he left a kiss on the top of your head.

You stilted in his arms, lookin up with big doe eyes. A bath sounded great indeed...until you realized he intended to take it with you.

You would die.

And that's how minutes later, you found yourself buried in the warm water that reached your shoulders, with Chris' chest against your back and his arms surrounding your torso. Sometimes, his fingers draw circles on your sides and it drove you mad. How long has it been since your last intimate time together, after all? Weeks? A month?

-Try to relax, baby. I can see the steam coming out of your ears -he spoke against your temple. - You've been tense since I hugged you. Is it something I did?

-No, love. It's not about you. - well, partially yes, but it wasn't the main problem. - Its just..it feels like i'm doomed. No matter how hard I try or how much I improve myself, things go the opposite of how I want them to. I know i'm trying my best, but it doesn't feel enough. -you choked halfway through the words and you sniffed back your tears.

Your boyfriend was in silence for a bit. He pulled you closer to him as he noticed the strain in your voice.

-Oh, baby, it's okay. I understand what it's like, i've been there too. -he laid his head on top of yours, sighing. - It's fucking frustrating, I know, but we have to accept that, sometimes, it doesn't matter how hard we work, some stuff are out of our control and there are things we can't prevent. You're human, love, so you have limits. Don't be so harsh on yourself. -he kissed your neck- for what it's worth, you're more than enough in my eyes. You're perfect.

Your heart was melting as he said that, wanting to cry again but this time out of love. You can't know what you did to deserve for this man to devote himself to you, but you hope it lasts forever.

-I missed being with you like this - you muttered, looking up to him to kiss the corner of his mouth. He smiled and then kissed your lips, sucking your lower lip teasingly. You whined. - Don't do this to me, Christopher, or else..

-Or else what? Tell me, babygirl - he said with an annoyingly sexy grin. His hands descended slowly down to your hips, fingers brushing your inner thighs at times.

You gasped, grabbing his hands to stop them.

-Chris, please..

-What was the last time you had an orgasm, sweet thing? -your grip did nothing to him, as he continued tracing lines inside your thighs, now with his lips brushing your neck.

-I..dont't recall. Last month, I think? I don't know! -you cried as he started to drift closer to your core.

-Oh? You haven't been taking care of yourself, you mean? You know I don't like that, babe -he sounded serious now, pinching your skin to make your squeal.

-I know, it's just...-shit, you couldn't believe you were gonna say it. - I can't...only you can make me feel good. I don't know how do it without you!

His motions stopped suddenly and you whined at the loss. Before you could protest, he turned your whole body until you were facing him, sitting directly in his lap. You felt how hard he was and the words died in your throat.

-Fuck, baby, you can't say that shit to me like it's nothing. - he lunged at your neck and bite the skin harshly, making you moan as he left a mark. -You're so good for me. My good girl, who can't even pleasure herself without my help. You need me, don't you?

You struggled to find your voice with the sudden change of events.

-Y-yes -you gasped when his head brushed your clit. - I don't know-fuck-what to do without you.

His expression softened for a moment, right before acquiring a calculating gaze in his eyes.

-I hate it when you neglect yourself, pretty, but I understand you couldn't help it. I fuck you so good your little hand just can't compare, right? - he closed his eyes as he kept grinding your hips against his. -And you've been busy lately, haven't you? Poor baby must been so stressed. -he took your nipple in his mouth, licking and twirling it in his tongue, making you whimper and grip his shoulders. -You deserve a reward

You gulped. Last time he said you ended up cumming five times in a row, shaking in his sheets and under his mercy.

He raised your hips, lowering you slowly down his raging cock. You sighed at the sensation, throwing your head back. You felt so deliciously full. God, you've missed him so much, missed this. He let out a hiss once he was fully inside you, burying his face in your shoulders and nibbling the skin. When he attempted to roll your hips unto his, you whined and stopped him.

-Shit, Chris, give me a second. You're so big. - you wrapped his neck with your arms and laid your forehead against his, letting him feel your heavy breath.

-My size hasn't changed, baby, but maybe your pussy has forgotten about me. -he chuckled, caressing your cheek. - Guess we'll have to fix that.

You clenched around his lenght with those words and he groaned.

-Please, do. -you begged him, hiding your face in his neck out, flustered. -Fuck the stress away, Daddy. Fuck me until I can't think anymore.

He tensed under you. Holy shit, he was a breath away of wrecking you until you were crying out loud, but had to remind himself this was about you, about making you feel better. He closed his eyes forcefully, taking a deep breath to not fall for his instincts.

-Say less, my love. Let Daddy take care of everything, mm? -his vouce sounded deeper now, tender.

He gripped your hips and began to guide you up and down his lenght. It was a slow, steady pace, but it got you moaning in his chest at the so craved friction. His teeth traced your neck softly, leaving purple marks as he pulled your hair to make more room for his mouth. His hands lowered down to your ass cheeks, squeezing them as he thrusted into you.

You began to bounce unconsciously against him, doing your best to keep up with him. You moaned as his hips shifted and found another angle to hit you deeper, making you tremble in his hold. God, he made you feel so good, your eyes growing glassy.

His movements haltered once he heard you sniff.

-Babygirl? What is it? Want to stop? - you panicked and kept grinding against him.

-No! Don't stop, please - tears flowed your vision. You hugged him tightly, sniffing in his neck. - It's just..you don't know know much I missed this. I haven't stopped aching for you since the last time, but I didn't know how to tell without sounding desesperate and I.. - he silenced with your his lips, swallowing your next words. He bit your lower lip gently and pulled a bit before letting you go.

-My pretty, perfect baby, what did I do to deserve you? -he covered your face in kisses as he fastened his thrusts, making you whimper in surprise and pleasure. - You couldn't ever sound desesperate to me. I'll drop anything to give you what you need, so please, don't refrain yourself like that. -he toyed with your nipples again, making you moan loudly. - I'm here for you, princess. It's my job and biggest joy to give you what you want. -he groaned as you clenched around him again. - Now, let's fuck the stres out of you.

You went on like this for a while, with a quick but gentle pace. Your sounds of pleasure filling the room, for whoever happened to hear them. You needed this more than him, this relief and comfort only he could give you. His words encouraged you to just take what you needed.

The knot started to form in your stomach and you still reacted like the first time, eyes wide open and body tense as you took in the incredible sensation. Like he could feel it, his fingers drifted to your clit and began to rub it expertly, helping you chase your high. He felt his own climax come at him violently as he watched the addicting sight of you cumming with a high-pitched scream for him, because of him.

His other hand pulled your face closer by the neck and smashed your lips together, swallowing your beautiful moans as he kept thrusting his hips up roughly. You clenched again and he had to throw his back at the feeling, a deep moan escaping his lips.

-Fuck fuck FUCK! - he pressed his forehead in the conjucture of your neck. You whimpered as you felt his warm seed filling you, and he grabbed your hips with an iron vice grip, moving you to milk out the last drop of his climax - Take it, babygirl, fucking take it.

You rolled your eyes and let yourself fall entirely unto his hold. With a deep breath, he adjusted his position and laid his head back on the bathub wall. He massaged your back and left you occasional kisses on your face, his softening dick tupped inside you, preventing his cum from leaking out.

You basked in the silence for a few minutes, your breathing eventually going back to normal. Your head felt all mushy and your body completely relaxed. Everything was good, the world set itself right back again.

You stood there until the water grew cold, you growing sleepy with his cuddles and him watching you with a soft smile, pure and raw love sparkling in your eyes.

#this draft has been haunting me for months #i don't know what the fuck is this but i tried my best #tho i won't be surprised if it turned out bad anyway so i apologize in advance #i'll probably never going to read this again #but i'm so fucking glad i finally finished it #bang chan smut #skz smut #my works #requested

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dreamescapeswriting · 8 months

Text

Stray Kids Reaction || Finding Out He's A Vampire

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN: It was official tonight, your engagement to Chan was announced to all of your friends and family and right now you were cooking a wonderful meal to serve to his friends and your family. They were all waiting for you inside the living room while you finished preparing the final pieces of the meal, all that was really left to do was chop up some carrots and you'd put yourself in charge of that.

"I was thinking once they all go, we could go and celebrate upstairs," Chan whispered in your ear, slowly biting down on your earlobe as you let out a small whimper of his name. Your hands shake with the knife as you accidentally let it drop, cutting your finger in the process,

"Shit," You hissed out as you felt warm blood pooling down your finger, Chan was instantly away from you and on the other side of the room. You knew he'd always been squeamish around blood but you never knew why, you just knew that whenever blood was involved he'd be away from you in a flash.

"You okay?" You questioned, staring at him as he stared down at the floor refusing to meet your eyes.

"I should ask you that," He seemed to get out through gritted teeth, You slowly walked over to him turning his head to look at you and you almost let out a yelp. Staring back at you were two blackened eyes with veins going down his face,

"Vampire..." You whispered to yourself, you'd known about the supernatural for a long time and who didn't? This world was full of different things and you'd seen your fair share of them but you'd never come face to face with a vampire before.

"I was going to tell you...I-I just...I didn't know how," He admitted as his eyes began to return to their usual colour and the veins began to retreat.

"How old are you?" You questioned as you cleaned up the blood from your finger, applying a band-aid while Chan came over and stood behind you again.

"Does that matter?" He bit down on his lip, he knew deep down that it was something he was eventually going to have to tell you about but he was holding off for a while.

"If I'm sleeping with someone who's over 100, then yes." You teased before he chuckled, wrapping his arms around you and holding onto you tightly. There was the all-important question about how this was ever going to work if you were to get married since he was going to live for an eternity.

"I'm only 55," He smirked, kissing your cheek, his hands holding onto your waist as you looked up at him.

"Were you going to tell me...C-Cause, marriage is forever and being like you...forever is a very...very long time," You teased him softly as you ran your hands over his chest and he smiled down at you.

"I was going to tell you in a better way than this but...Forever with you sounds like heaven, even if I am destined for hell eventually," He winks before you kiss him deeply.

MINHO: Minho liked to think that he was pretty good at hiding his secret, after all, he had been hiding it for the last 107 years of his life and he intended to keep it for the rest of it too. But there was something Minho didn't know and that was that you knew WHAT he was, it had taken you about three months of dating him to figure it out. The constant need to be away from you whenever you'd injured yourself to the point of bleeding and then there was his pale complexion and just how cold he was to the touch. It wasn't news to you that he was a vampire,

"I have to tell you something," Minho said one night as you watched vampire diaries for the 100th time, you paused it and slowly turned to look at your boyfriend.

"What's up?" You questioned with a small smile,

"I need to tell you something and you can't freak out because it's something that I've been hiding for a while." He told you as he looked at you nervously if his heart still worked he was sure it would have been beating faster than he ever thought possible.

"Is it that you're a vampire? Cause it's not new news," You told him before placing some popcorn into your mouth and smirking at him.

"What? How-"

"Baby, you're pale...Paler than someone who could ever be human, you run away whenever I'm bleeding and not to mention I've found photos of you from years ago," You giggled a little as you watched your boyfriend slump into the seat feeling completely relaxed. For weeks he'd been stressing out about everything and here you were putting him at ease.

"It doesn't scare you?"

"You've never bit me...I assume you didn't tell me so you could kill me?" He shook his head and you smirked, kissing his lips quickly pressing play on the TV again,

"You know they got most of this show wrong," He told you as he snaked his arm around your waist and pulled you tighter to him as he began to point out all of the wrong facts in the show.

CHANGBIN: Things were starting to worry you with Changbin, he was being quiet and moody lately and you were beginning to think that maybe you'd done something to upset him. Or maybe even pissed him off somehow but you'd been wracking your mind for weeks and nothing came to mind of what you could have done to upset him so much.

"Did I do something?" You asked Changbin as he continued to drive into the night without barely speaking a word to you. He'd come to pick you up for a date but he'd barely looked in your direction much less utter a hello to you as you'd gotten into his car. Was this it? Was he about to take you somewhere he could break up with you?

"If you're going to end things you could do it at my place, that way when I need to cry I can do it in the comfort of my own home," You told him, instantly feeling bad for the tone you were speaking to him in but you couldn't help it.

"End things?" He questioned as he pulled into a dimly lit lay in the road, switching off the engine and turning to look at you. The two of you had spent many nights like this on the side of the road, some steamy nights just like this but somehow this didn't feel the same.

"You've been avoiding me for weeks, you're acting like you don't even know me." You told him as he sighed a little looking out into the field in front of the car and then back at you.

"I'm in love with you," Your heart practically jumped into your throat as he admitted this to you, it was the first time either of you had even bought it up.

"I love you too..." You whispered, still not seeing anything wrong with this but he turned to look at you and his fangs began to grow and his eyes turned dark.

"I'm a monster...You can't love me," You stared at him for a second, your heart thumping rapidly but none of it scared you. It was supposed to, you'd read about this online but it didn't scare you. Not when you knew Changbin would never do anything to hurt you.

"I do, and nothing will stop that." You told him as you ran your hand over his cheek and smiled as he snuggled into your touch.

HYUNJIN: You'd finally taken the plunge and moved in with your husband-to-be, you'd finally finished unpacking your things and decided to help Hyunjin out while he was at work. Only you'd stumbled onto something you weren't sure you could understand, You knew Hyunjin loved art but some of the pieces in his collection dated back hundreds of centuries ago and you were confused about how he'd gotten his hands on them. Then there were the journals you'd found, all written by Hyunjin, but that couldn't be possible.

"I bought food back! I thought we could eat and watch..." Hyunjin stopped talking slowly as he walked into the living room to see you surrounded by paintings and journals. You hadn't meant to snoop but once you started you just couldn't stop.

"What are you?" You questioned as you slowly got up from the floor, the more you'd read the journals the more you realised your husband couldn't have been human. Unless he was some kind of timelord that never aged but even then that was an alien

"I can explain." He stuttered a little. It was something he was always supposed to talk to you about but he always put it off. Decided that he didn't want to tell you in case it ruined everything between you, he just needed more time with you before he said anything.

"You're a vampire...Right? That would make sense, you hardly eat around me, you're always sneaking off...Working in a hospital..." Hyunjin swallowed the lump in his throat,

"I was going to tell you."

"You proposed to me...Asked me to move in...Don't you think you should have told me before we got to this point?" You placed your hands on your hips, if Hyunjin had been around for centuries at this point that meant he was going to continue to live while you slowly died,

"I'm going to die while you continue living, isn't that...a little sick?" You didn't even want to think of leaving Hyunjin, this man was the man for you and you knew that deep down. But how was it ever going to work?

"You don't have to die." He quickly added as you stared back at him,

"What?" The thought had occured to you but you weren't sure he'd ever go for it. In his journals in earlier years, he'd written about wanting to die but it seemed to have changed in the last two years since he'd started seeing you.

"If you want me forever...I-I can change you," He reached his hands out for yours and you squeezed him a little.

"Forever with you seems like a hell of a life," You whispered as he smirked at you, his fangs showing a little as you bit down on your lip excited with what the new life was going to bring you both.

JISUNG: You'd had a secret suspicion about Jisung for months now and today was the day you were going to put it to the test and see if your theory about him was correct.

"Did we have to come here first?" Jisung licked his lips as his eyes darted around the room you were both standing inside. It was the annual blood drive of your town and you'd signed yourself up, asking your boyfriend to accompany you.

"I know you're scared of needles but I need you here to hold my hand," It was a lie, you didn't NEED him there but you wanted to see if you were right about him. When you first started dating one another you'd believed most of his lies, he couldn't donate blood because he had a rare type that made it impossible to do, the running away whenever you'd hurt yourself because he was squeamish but as the years passed you knew there was something wrong. The man didn't sleep, you were sure of that for a fact. You'd wake up and he'd be awake, claiming he'd just gone to the toilet but then he'd always be awake whenever you woke up and it was starting to put some doubts into your head. So you did what any normal person would and took to the Internet to find out.

"yn..." He stuttered a little before you caught it, his eyes darkening and fangs starting to come through and you smiled.

"Let go," You whispered quickly rushing him out of the room but as soon as you were out of sight of anyone that could see him, he held you tighter and you were suddenly in a locked room.

"How did you figure it out?" He stares at you and you shrug your shoulders, it wasn't exactly hard when you were noticing everything.

"It all started to come together...Why did you hide it from me?" You whispered, reaching out and holding onto him as he let out a small sigh. This wasn't how he wanted to tell you about his secret,

"How could you want to spend your life with a monster?" He looked away from you and your heart broke for him, how could he ever see himself that way?

"Because I love him and I don't see him as a monster," You forced him to look at you and he smiled weakly.

"No more secrets, we share everything with each other," You warn him as he nods at you, leaning down and kissing you softly.

FELIX: It was well-known knowledge that the woods in your town were a place where no one should be caught inside, alone at least. But you were sick of waiting around for your fiancé to take you on a hike through the area, you'd been dying to see the mountains inside and you wanted to get some photographs of everything so that's what you'd planned to do today. Only it hadn't exactly gone to plan, you'd woken up at 4 in the morning so you could into the woods but hours into your hike you'd fallen and hurt yourself a little. Which wasn't a big deal, the big deal was that you had no cell service and you could barely move to get back out of the woods.

"I'm going to die alone and scared," You grumbled to yourself as you dragged yourself toward the edge of the trees trying to take shelter from the rain that suddenly started to hammer down. You were about to reach for your phone again when you heard something snap from behind you, Your head spun around and you let out a loud scream.

"Yn?!" Felix's voice filled the air and you stared at him as he made his way over to you, blood dripping down his chin as you stared at him.

"I'm dreaming...I hit my head and I'm dreaming." You told yourself as Felix stared down at your leg, It was clear your ankle was broken and clearly you were in a massive amount of pain.

"Shit, Yn...Your ankle,"

"I'm going to wake up any second. There's no way my fiancé is a vampire," You whispered as he shook his head at you, you were suddenly in his arms.

"I told you, the woods aren't a good place for you." He smirked knowing it was neither the time nor the place for an "I told you so" speech but he was trying to take your mind off things.

"You were hiding me from seeing you, right?" Felix nodded his head as he walked you through the woods and back to civilisation.

"Do you drink human blood?" You quizzed as you looked at him, swallowing the nervous lump in your throat.

"Animal." He told you as he carefully began to run with you in his arms using his vampiric speed to get you home faster.

"I hunt in the woods so I don't hurt anyone when I'm hungry...I would never hurt someone." He told you as he gently placed you down on the sofa in your living room, sitting beside you as he bit into his own wrist,

"Drink. It'll help with the broken bone," You stared at his wrist before drinking his blood slowly, whimpering a little at the taste.

"We have a lot of talking to do." He told you as he let out a small sigh, both of you smiling at one another your ankle already starting to feel better.

SEUNGMIN: Seungmin watched you in amusement from the other side of the room, You had no idea he was home yet and you were putting the finishing touches on your costume. All without touching the item of clothing, since you were a witch you could pretty much do anything you put your mind to. Seungmin had been thinking of a way to approach telling you what he was and he knew Halloween was probably the best time. If it went wrong he could always tell you he was playing the role of his costume - a vampire... Original...of course, he did it every single year. It was the one day he didn't have to hide what he truly was and it seemed you didn't either.

"Need a hand?" He questioned, the clothes dropping to the floor as your concentration failed and you spuing around to face your fiancé,

"You're back early." You hissed, looking at the clothes and then back to Seungmin who was smirking at you.

"You don't have to hide from me you know." He told you as he moved closer to you, your heart began to race as you stared at him.

"I can explain..." You trailed off, trying to come up with some kind of explanation for it, you could tell him there was a hidden string or something but you weren't sure.

"Yn, we both know there are many things in this world." He told you as you looked at him, a tingle running up and down your spine, as you narrowed your eyes at him.

"And what other things are there?" You quizzed, you knew the answer but you could already sense there was something he wasn't telling you. Something he hadn't told you about for a while now but you've always had a feeling he wasn't human either.

"It seems we're both going to the party as what we really are." He suggested and your eyes widened a fraction, You'd never met a vampire in real life and yet you were engaged to one?!

"Oh, we're not going to any party." You laughed a little, patting the sofa as you got ready to quiz him on every single thing you had on your mind about vampires

JEONGIN:

Jeongin stared at you with widened eyes and you stared back at him with the same look of shock. The two of you were out shopping for some new plants for your garden when suddenly you were on the floor.

"How?" You stared at him, looking over at the spot of the garden centre you knew he'd been standing in seconds ago. It was impossible for him to be next to you right now,

"I was right beside you," He told you, he knew it was wrong of him to lie to you but it was the only way he was going to be able to get you to drop this. The last thing he needed was YOU of all people finding out exactly what he was. He wasn't ready for that secret to come out to you yet,

"Don't gaslight me," You groaned at him, looking at the plant pot that had been seconds away from crushing you and then back at your fiance.

"How did you get here that fast?" You stared at him as you swallowed the lump in your throat, you already knew the answer to it but you needed to hear it come from his lips.

"Yn now is neither the time nor the place."

"I think it is, you just saved me from dying despite being halfway across the garden centre." You stared at him, letting him know you weren't going to drop this until the truth came to light.

"You already know what I am, I know what you are." He whispered as you looked down at the tattoo that was on your lower arm, you were a vampire hunter. Raised to hate and kill any vampire that you came into contact with, he was supposed to hate you too and yet he wanted to marry you? You'd grown up to believe vampires had no feelings, that they were cold and heartless and could never see past their own hunger.

"You knew what I was but still wanted me?" You stared at him, did he have a death wish?

"I fell in love with a vampire hunter." He chuckled, he saw the irony in it and he needed to laugh or he'd cry.

"And I, a vampire." You whispered as you looked around you, biting down on your lip it wasn't going to be long until people started to come over.

"We need to get out of here before people ask questions," You told him as he quickly pulled you up, winking as he used his vampire speed to get you both out of there

tagline: @chiisaiblog @hanasonmi @sw33tnight @taestannie @acciocriativity @scarletemeterio @halesandy @aerastus @laylasbunbunny @critssq @lenfilms @btsiguess-kpop @meowmeowisdaname @imafivestarkpopstan @lost-leopard-beanie @djeniryuu @backintomykpopphaseagain @choisoorin

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dre6ming · 1 year

Text

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter 17 - this is when the feeling sinks in

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Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/ actress fem reader

Warning: age gap (10 years), smut (18+ mature content), cursing, mentions of death, grief, alcohol, fluff

Plot: the ending to a beautiful love story, the next few months in (y/n) and Austin’s life, navigating everything.

Word count: ~10.000

Disclaimer: this is the last chapter of the series, BUT be not afraid, there will be an epilogue to tie the end completely, but I can’t make any promises about when it will be posted since I have started on it yet, but keep an eye on my page, I always update when I can. Also this chapter is not proof read so there my be writing errors. Thank you!

A/n: thank you so much for coming along on this journey and though the story might be over “The delicate beginning rush” universe is not closed, so content from this world might still be posted on the form of fake instagram stories or small stories. I will always revisit these two whenever I feel like you (my readers) want me to. Thank you!! 💜🧶

June 2022

Today it's a calm day in the studio with Taylor and Jack, I'm working on my vocals for her new album that she will announce at the AMA's. "Ok when you hear the beat, start singing." Taylor tells me, giving me the ok to record my vocals. Jack plays the track, the song Paris, is not finished yet, but she really wants it on the album, so we're doing the mixing and vocals for it, I the hopes that inspiration will struck and she'll finish it. As I'm singing I keep thinking that the way she describes she's feeling about Joe, it's the way I feel about Austin, only I can't scream it from the top of lung like her, I have to keep it private. When the word private comes to my mind something in my brain clicks I tell Jack to keep playing the beat for a little longer.

" Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world

romance is not dead if you keep it just yours

levitate above all the messes made

sit quiet by my side in the shade

and not the kind that's thrown

but the kind under where a tree has grown"

After I finish I take my headphones down and come out of the recording booth, seeing Taylor's and Jack's knowing looks. "That was amazing, Taylor you're up next" Jack says, getting back to his computer, putting together the vocals and such. "Ahah right away, then you're gonna tell me who this person that has you so in love is" Taylor teases before going into the booth to record the verse I just wrote.

Later in the car on the way to her place where she and I will have dinner with Joe, like we usually do, I fidget around nervously. "It's Austin isn't it? He's the one you love?" She asks, looking at me and taking my hands in hers, to stop me from picking at my skin. I look at her, scared for her reaction and all words leave me as I simply nod. What she does, takes me by surprise, when she brings me close and hugs me resting her chin on my head. "If he make you happy, I'm willing to give him a chance." She promises, squeezing me tight in her arms. "Thank you, it means so much to be able to finally tell you." I giggle, the weight already off my chest. "I hope you know now you've got to arrange a meet between me and him, preferably a double date at your place maybe?" She says. "Deal." I agree, happy to have her support.

August 2022

"Agh I'm so nervous, this is too much for me to handle" my hands are shaking holding the champagne glass, looking at the huge projected screen counting down the seconds until my album goes live on streaming. "It's going to be so amazing, my darling, trust me (y/n)" Austin tells me, squeezing my shoulders in a comforting way, kissing my cheek. For the past months I've slowly been introducing Austin to my close friends, so when I decided to host my birthday party and my album release party, privately at my New York apartment, I decided it was safe to invite him. "You think so?" I ask furrowing my brows, creasing my forehead with concern. Austin smooths his hands down my arms, his electric touch sending shivers down my spine. "I know so." he smiles at me so confident.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I put my glass to his lips and he tilts his head back, drinking the remaining liquor. He licks his lips sensually, dipping down to kiss me, but I see Taylor approaching in my peripheral vision, so I turn my head to the side, so his lips touch my cheek instead. "Hi Taylor!" I say, moving out of Austin's embrace, to hug her tightly. "Happy birthday my mastermind!" She says, squeezing me as hard as she can. I feel Austin shift uncomfortably behind me, so I can only imagine she's giving him a death stare. Taylor was the one who probably took it the hardest when I told her about me and him, she loves me and she's very protective of me. Taking caution from her previous relationships with age gaps such as mine and Austin's. "Hello Taylor, nice to meet you in person!" Austin says, extending a hand for her to shake, this is the first time they meet officially, he knows she's not too fond of him. I try to give her my best pleading look, while trying to be subtle about it and Taylor understands, her gaze softening a bit. "Likewise Austin, glad to see you're here supporting her, it means a lot to her!"

"I know it does." Austin tells her truthfully, snaking an arm around my waist. "So are you excited, only 10 minutes until it goes live." Taylor moves her eyes on me, looking excited. A set of arms wraps around her waist and Joe's head pops from the side, resting on her shoulder. "(Y/n) happy birthday, 20 looks good on you." Joe says in his strong British accent, smiling wholeheartedly. "Aw thank you Joe! I'm actually freaking out right now, what if everybody hates it?" I start stressing out again, all kinds of thoughts taking over my head once again as my heart rate picks up and my hands go clammy with sweat. "Hey, hey, none of that, you have a beautiful voice and you wrote beautiful songs, people would be crazy not to love them." Taylor assures me, taking my hands in hers, smoothing her fingers over my knuckles. "She's right, it's gonna be amazing, you're so so talented." Austin chimes in, agreeing with Taylor. "Austin man, mind grabbing a glass? Let's leave the girls do their thing." Joe proposes, leading Austin to the bar, to get a drink.

Taylor hooks her arm around mine and starts walking me to the balcony to get some fresh air. "You know I think I'm slowly working my way to liking him, you guys are cute, I'll give you that." I giggle at her confession, curling a strand of hair behind my ear. "He's sweet, he's been by my side through all of this, he calms me down."

"Well that's good, doesn't mean I won't keep my eye on him." She tells me, squeezing my arm. "Well it's good to know I have friends I can count on." I lean my head on her shoulder, looking out at the New York lights, the city looks so magical at night. "I just don't want you to go through the pain I did, when I felt like everything hurt, every single action was excruciating." She sighs. "Heartbreak is inevitable, I don't think me and Austin are forever, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know." I admit my thoughts, this is the first time saying this out loud, though I've thought it for a while now. I love Austin, of course I do and it's not to say that I don't think he loves me, but I have to keep a grip on reality and the possibility that he might leave some day. "Don't!" Taylor warns, taking a step away, turning me to look at her. She places her hands on my shoulders, softly shaking me, like trying to wake me up, her blue eyes looking straight into mine. "If there's one thing I've learned from every relationship I've had, is that if you keep anticipating the bad outcome, there's always a good chance it'll happen. Austin may not be forever, but he might also be, you don't know and you can't keep jinxing yourself."

Tears well in my eyes and I nod, a soft whimper escaping past my lips, turning into a sob, as she pulls me into her arms, to hug me. "I'm so scared Taylor, I feel paralyzed, soon all of the songs I wrote about my parents, my feelings, about Austin, everything.. it'll just be out there. And then I have to admit to myself that me and Austin won't be able to keep this hidden for much longer, I'm so sa-" my voice breaks as I fist the material of her dress, clinging onto her. "Oh (y/n) it'll all be ok, just breathe ok? Please!" Taylor tries to calm me down, but I'm livid at this point shaking in her arms, hot streams of slat running down my cheek and into my mouth. "(Y/n)? Taylor? Guys?" A all too familiar voice calls out, slow steps approaching. "Oh my sœur, my sweet little sister, what's wrong? Joe and Austin said you two walked out on the balcony, is everything ok?" Timmy asks, smoothing a hand down my back. "We just need a minute, how long until midnight?" Taylor asks, rocking me in her arms. "Four minutes on the clock." Timmy tells her, causing a much louder sob to go past my lips as the fear of the inevitable release of everything I've worked so hard for approaches. "Ok, go in there, we'll be in at the right time." Taylor assures.

Timmy kisses my temple, then leaves me and Taylor as we were before, alone in the hot august night. "You have one more minute to cry, then we will wipe those tears away and go in there. You'll act like the superstar that you are and claim every good thing coming your way, I know it can be scary to have you're feelings served on a plate for everyone to see, but once they are out and you see that everyone feels or has felt like that, you won't be so scared anymore." She wipe my tears with a tissue she pulled out of the pocket of her dress. My lips shiver in a shy smile, as I breathe deep. "Ok, I'm a superstar, I'm gonna be great." I repeat her words, trying to convince myself, the fact that she looks so sure of it, helping a bit. "Come on, we don't want to miss the release." She drags me back into the apartment, all my fiends are gathered around the screen projector, looking at the huge numbers counting down, champagne glasses in their hands, ready to toast.

"Five, four, three, two, one..." people count out loud, then clapping and music erupts, shaking the room alive as Timmy and Joe pop some confetti. I let go of Taylor's hand, my eyes scanning the room for the one I want to see the most. A pair of arms catches me, turning me around to face the person. My face inches away from Austin's. "I love you, congratulations!" He whispers, before placing his soft plush lips on mine, moving slowly and tender, bringing me to life, every cell in my body becoming overcharged with serotonin. My head thuds against my rib cage and I lace my fingers through his silky hair. "I love you too!" I tell him, as he lets me go, so I can circle the room and hug everyone here. It's not a big party but all the important people are here, except my parents. Now, my mom wanted to come, but she couldn't take so much time off work and dad, well I still haven't gotten around to talking to him.

After hugging Billie and her brother, I move on, ending up face to face with Joshua. "Congratulations! I'll be rooting for you at the Grammys!" He jokes, making me laugh as I drag him into a tight hug. "That reaching but I think that just for tonight I'll entertain it." I say, smiling. "Well we'd hope so!" Roxanne says, coming to his side, kissing his cheek. They started seeing each a few months ago, after she came along for a studio session with him. "Very funny, have fun!" I wish them moving on to the next person.

At the end of the night I'm pretty tired and my feet hurt like hell from being squeezed into those very uncomfortable, but very beautiful heels. "An outstanding piece of art from a young upcoming singer, best known for her Oscar worthy performance. A raw, bone shattering audio experience, a journey through the ups and downs of the teenage years..."

"Oh my lord, stop stop, that's enough!" I say, crawling over the bed to reach Austin and take the phone out of his hand. "Hey it's on rolling stone, it must be legit." He says, bending down to kiss my lips. "Maybe." I mumble moving my soft lips against his. My hands roam his torso, until they reach the collar of his shit. With a little tug, I fall on my back, dragging him along. Austin chuckles against my mouth, using one hand to prompt himself up so that he doesn't squish me underneath him. My thoughts are going at a thousand miles per hour and my hands find purchase in his blonde locks of hair, scratching at his scalp, resulting in a long breathy moan to escape him. My hips lift off of the mattress unconsciously, my pelvis brushing against his. Austin grunts, grinding his crotch against mine, placing his free hand on my thigh, encouraging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

We're a panting mess of bodies colliding, the clothes between us restricting us from feeling the warmth of each other fully, so I grab at his shit that's tugged into his pants, snaking my hands underneath the cotton material, to feel his soft burning flesh with the tips of my fingers. Austin's lips move along my jaw, taking their sweet time in loving that one spot right below my ear, that has me going crazy. "Austin.." I sigh, pleasure traveling through my bloodstream enveloping my whole body, I feel the arousal starting to gather in my underwear and I need more, so I move my hips against him harder, searching for that release. Austin's hand ghosts over my thigh, lifting my dress up, then stopping on my hipbone he pushes me into the mattress.

"(Y/n), baby? How far do you want to go?" Austin asks me, his fingers digging into my flesh holding me in place against the mattress. "All the way, I- I need you." I whine, trying to get free out of his grip, but to no avail. Austin freezes above me, then slowly moves back a bit, putting some distance between us, to look at my face. His blue orbs look over my crimson complexion, analyzing every freckle and every wrinkle, looking for the smallest drop of doubt. "Are you s-sure you're ready? I've told you before, you don't have to, I love you!"

Austin has always been considerate, ever since we started dating and I told him about being a virgin he assured me that I should never feel pressured into changing that. And I never have, but I've dreamed maybe even wished that it would happen and that he would be the one to do it.

I push my hips up fighting he's strong hold on my hip, whining for his touch, feeling starved in a way I've never felt before. Austin's breath gets a bit jagged and his hand resting on the side of my head, fists the bed sheets. "Ok baby, anything for you, anything!" He promises putting his lips back on mine, consuming my entire soul with his wet kiss. I lift my head off of the bed to follow his sweet soft lips when he pulls back. Austin's hand leaves my hip, coming to stroke my left cheek gently, his skin feeling electric against mine. His ocean blue eyes travel over my face, following my every feature like his willing to have my face engraved in his memory forever. The glimmer in the sky colored orbs watching me, melts my heart, it makes heat travel all over my body and stop in between my legs, so I rub my thighs together, trying to get some relief. The action does not go unnoticed by Austin and a boyish smile appears on his face.

I blush a deep shade of pink, trying to hide my face in the palm of his hand. "Nah no doing that, eyes on me honey! Good, now tell me what you want!" I open my mouth to speak only a bit scared to voice my desire, but his loving glare calms me down. "I want you to make love to me, Austin. Be mine!" I tell him, cupping his face this both of my hands, smoothing the skin on his cheeks. "I'm yours, I've always been, always will be!" His eyes so full of honesty and love, there's no doubt that what's between us, is real and genuine. I pull him in, only to miss his lips right before they touch mine, turning his head to whisper in his ear. "Show me!" My words sound like a dare and his whole body trembles in response.

Instantly his lips are on mine, drinking me in, moving in an orchestrated manner. Austin's hands roam my body and he shifts around the bed, placing a leg in between my thighs, angling it up, putting pressure right her I crave it. I sigh in pleasure, moving my hips over his thigh, wanting more than just the peer pressure his leg provides. I'm wearing thin nylons under my dress and he uses one hand to rip them apart. "Aus!" I gasp pulling back to see him smirk. "I'll buy you a dozen more, now let me make you feel good." He says stealing the breath out of me. His hands settle on my hips, moving me along his thigh, the friction sending electric shocks of pleasure through me. I grasp onto him, keeping him as close as possible, while he keeps my hips moving. I feel me sleek coating his pant leg and I squeeze my thighs around his muscular thigh. Austin keeps a steady pace, speaking quietly in my ear, telling me how much he loves me. "Let go baby, realx, come on!" He encourages me and my orgasm takes over me leaving me a shaky breathless pile of bones and muscles.

Austin gets up from the bed, taking a step back to look at me, catching his chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You look so fucking beautiful like this, spread out for me, cheeks rosy" he bites his lip, slowly starting to undress himself, unbuckling his belt. On cue I start to lift my dress over my head, but he shakes his head, stopping me. "I want to do it, just be patient my darling." His voice rasps, filling me with excitement.

Soon he stands bare in front of me and I can't help but roam my eyes over his form, I've seen him naked before, but for some reason right now feels like it the first time. "Like the view?" Austin quirks a brow at me, chuckling. "Maybe!" I giggle, licking my lips, the action wiping the smirk off his face. Austin comes closer, bending down to take both of my hands in his, lifting me up in a sitting position. "You're the best thing to happen to me." He tells me truthfully. I touch his face, smoothing the wrinkles by his eyes, then ghosting my finger tips over his plump lips. "I love you Austin, thank you for being mine." I kiss him forcefully, as his hand grab the hem of my dress, slowly lifting it up my body, his burning flesh teasing my, leaving goosebumps all over. We have to break apart when he reaches my head and we both laugh when the sequences of the dress get stuck in my hair.

Now here I am, naked in front of this man that watches me like I'm the only thing he's ever known to look at. His eyes glimmer in a way I can't describe and his hands follow the shape of my body without touching me, like he's scared I'm going to perish if he dares to lay a hand on my. I grab his wrists and guide his hands to cup my bare breast, the moment our skins make contact his eyes snap at me, pulling me into a deep stare. There's something so carnal about this, just to people in love, looking into each other's eyes. I let go of his wrists and move to take off my panties and ripped nylons, finally leaving myself completely bare for him to see. Austin's eyes never leave mine, as on of his hands moves over to my hip, the other snaking around my torso. Carefully he lifts me up, placing me in the middle of my bed, hovering over me.

"Are you scared? You're so quiet." Austin asks, brushing the hair out of my face. "No, I think you've left me speechless." I smile, brushing my hands through his hair. "As flattering as that is, I want you to tell me if you need me to stop. Eyes on me (y/n)!"

"I will, I promise! I'm ok now." I assure him and he nods his head, coming down to kiss me. "I need a condom, fuck I- I don't have any." Austin suddenly realizes, looking apologetic. "I'm so sorry baby, I just, I don't carry one around and I-" I start laughing at his frantic way of apologizing. Their is my Austin, always so sweet and considerate, not to say polite. Him not having a condom on hand tells me that this is as unexpected for him as it is for me. "I have an idea." I say trying to hold my laugh in. "What?" He looks rather skeptic of me. "I know Timmy has some, I could go sneak in and take some."

Austin instantly looks terrified. "And risk getting killed on your birthday?" I can't hold my amusement in anymore. "I'm glad my eminent death amuses you." He says trying to sound angry, but unable to hide his laugh. "Well technically, it's way over midnight, so it's no longer my birthday and I'll be careful." I say, sliding from underneath him, grabbing my silk robe and tying it around me. "(Y/n) are you sure? We can do this tomorrow, or when you want to, we don't have to rush." I bend down to give him a quick kiss. "I want to now, I'll be right back." I turn around walking out of the room and closing the door behind me.

I tiptoe through the quiet house and I can hear Timmy in the kitchen talking on the phone, so I quickly sprint to his room, going straight to the bathroom. I search every drawer and cabinet, finally finding the condoms, grabbing two and putting them in the pocket of my robe. As I close the cabinet door and get ready to leave I hear the door to his room open and close. "Fuck fuck..." I look around for an excuse of why I'm here, this late and naked. I grab the toothpaste tube and decide I'm just gonna lie about needing it.

The bathroom door opens and I'm met eye to eye with him. "Can I help you sœur?" He asks, looking confused. "Um I just needed to borrow toothpaste, I ran out." I explain nervously, shifting my weight from one leg to the other. "Okay?" He doesn't seem to believe me. "Well thanks!" I smile trying to get past him and out the door. "Can you bring that back when you're done? I need to brush my teeth as well." He says and I curse myself for not thinking about that. "Oh well I'm actually so tired, I think I'll just take some now." I say, opening the tube and squeezing some toothpaste onto my finger. "Here you go, have a great night." I tell him, handing back the tube and running out the door. "Ok wiredo.." he mumbles as I walk fast back to my room.

In my room Austin waits for me on the bed, with his arm folded under his head and everything on display. "You made it. With toothpaste?" He jokes, getting up from the bed, hugging my waist and spinning me around onto the bed, to end up where we left off, with me under him. "Timmy walked in in me, I had to find an excuse for being there." I explain taking a tissue form my bedside table and wiping the toothpaste off. Austin laugh shaking his head in disbelief. I slide my hand in the pocket of my robe and pull out the two condoms, holding them up. "Two? You plan to seduce me more than once tonight?" Austin smiles at me, coming down to pepper kisses all over my face. "Maybe." I tease, getting lost in the feeling of his lips traveling over my skin. "Well to be honest you don't have to try to hard" he confesses, kissing down my neck, reaching the spot under my ear, sucking and turning me to jello in his arms. His hands walk over my silk covered form, untying the robe and letting it fall open. Austin places the palm of his hand on my lower stomach, slowly inching it down, teasing me by taking a second to play with my hair. "Please!" I beg, lifting my hips off the mattress, willing him to touch me. "Patient baby, I need to open you up a bit, I don't want it to hurt." He says breathing ragged.

Finally his skilled finger touches my clit, drawing slow circles, pleasure cursing through me, enveloping me whole. "Aus.." I moan pulling at his hair, causing him to let out a guttural groan. "(Y/n)." His fingers work me like magic, his thumb applying pressure to my clit while his forefinger teases me hole. Slowly he enters one finger, pumping it in and out at a slow pace, curving it up, to massage that spongy spot inside me, making my legs shake. "I'm gonna add another one baby, ok? Just breathe for me." Austin instructs me and I nod my head, unable to reply as my voice gets knocked out of me. His long fingers work me open, gentle and slow, the stinging of the stretch being gone very soon. I feel the bubble of pleasure start to form in my belly and I start breathing faster. Austin moves down my chest to take one of my nipples in his mouth, swirling his hot tongue around the sensitive bud.

Right when I feel about to reach my peak, his long fingers disappear, leaving me whining and wanting more. "What-" his lips on mine silence me. "Take off the robe baby, I want to feel all of you." As I work on getting my robe off, he takes his shaft in hand, pumping himself a few times, quiet curses going past his lips. "Fuck the way you watch me kills me baby, you know that (y/n)?" He asks, taking one condom, opening it and rolling it on slowly. Everything suddenly feels so real and when he clears his throat to catch my attention, I realize I was frozen. "(Y/n) we don't have to, I told you." I quickly shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him back over me. "It's not that, I just-" I'm a bit ashamed to voice my fears, but looking into Austin's eyes I see that I have nothing to fear. "What if I'm not good enough and I don't make you feel good?" I whisper.

"My darling love, when it comes to you it's not just sex, never was, never will be, it's about showing each other how much love we have for one another. And to be honest sex feels good for guys almost no matter what, only a jerk would tell a girl she doesn't know how to please him. Ok? I love you!" Austin caresses my cheek, kissing my lips. I feel my heart gallop in my chest and the second I feel his hard on, touch my inner thigh I'm reminded of the desire I have for him. "I love you too." I tell him, kissing him back. "I know, I'm going to try ok? If it hurts to much, just tell me and I'll stop." Austin promises, looking into my eyes. "Yes, I promise."

I feel his head nudge my entrance, my breath hitches in the back of my throat and anxiety builds in my chest, up his eyes never leave me. I wince at the sudden sting and he freezes. "Keep going it's ok." I say, and though he looks skeptical, he keeps going. When he's fully inside me and his pelvis touches mine, I feel complete. I wish I could describe better how the way we're now conjoined makes me feel so at peace and so safe. "Are you ok?" Austin asks one of his big hands cupping my breast and twisting my nipple between his fingers. I moan loudly, throwing my head back, screwing my eyes shut. "Yess, move, oh god." A low grunt escapes Austin and he starts to move, his head hitting my g-spot with every thrust. "You're so tight, squeezing me so good, God I wish to stay like this forever." He whines, moving his hips at a steady pace. I get more confident and start moving my hips to meet his thrusts. "Shit Aus, feels so good.... Love you so much."

"I love you too!" His hands touch every patch of skin, exploring me, memorizing every inch of my body and I do the same, touching every part of him I can. Austin moves on of his hands back to my clit, stimulating it, making me squeeze around him. "You close baby? Look at me." He demands and I follow his request, making eye contact with him and feeling closer to my orgasm. "I'm so close, Aus, don't stop." He gives me a sloppy grin, kissing the tip of my nose. "I'm close too honey." He says, moving a bit faster. At this point we're just two piles of bones and muscle, whimpering and chasing our pleasure. Austin keeps playing with my clit and soon my orgasm hits me like a brick wall, pleasure washing over me like a cold shower, making everything blurry. "Austin." I moan, feeling him twitch inside me, as he freezes on top of me, moaning loudly. "(Y/n)"

When we both come back to reality he gets up, to throw the condom in the trash, then he scoops me up into his arms and carries me to the bathroom, turning the shower on. We take turns on washing each other, cracking jokes. "I love using your stuff I smell like you and it feels like you're with me all the time." Austin tells me, kissing my lips and working my conditioners through my hair. "I love you so much." I say, looking into his eyes. "I love you too."

December 2022

"Mom, the timer is done, I think your chicken is cooked." I scream from the kitchen, busy cracking some eggs for the cake I'm baking, tonight we plan a surprise birthday party for Timothee, so I'm doing all the baking while mom take care of the cooking. She and I kept on talking over the past months and while she's keen on staying at her new job in Nevada she visits now. Don't ask about my dad, neither of us got the courage to contact him just yet, but it's on my goal list for next year. "Oh Jesus, why must this skinny white boy have as his favorite food, your father's secret chicken recipe?" I giggle, adding flour to my mix. "Mom if it were secret, you wouldn't be able to cook it right now." She flips me off, making us both laugh as she gets the delicious food put the oven.

"So I think I got the karaoke system to work, but I won't put my money on it." Austin comes in the kitchen. "Oh miss. (Mother/n) that smells so good." He compliments my mom, coming over to my side to dip a finger into the frosting I made. "Hey, wash your hands first, now put it in the fridge please." I ask politely and he complies, giving me a quick kiss on the top of my head. "Thank you Austin, dear!" My mom smiles at him.

She met Austin a month ago and despite our big age difference she seems to be quite fond of him. She told me however to be careful, but other than that she welcomed him in. "So when is everyone showing up?" Austin asks, leaning against the kitchen counter. I look over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. "In two hours, but Roxanne and Joshua should be here any minute." I tell him, singling for him to bring the cake pan over so I could pour the mixture in it and pop it in the oven. "I'm happy the are still going strong." Austin speaks, opening the oven for me to slide the cake in. "Yeah, they seem happy." They've actually been going steady for a few months now and anyone who watches them sees that they have a great time together and that they love each other dearly.

"So any songs you want to do tonight?" Austin teases, walking me over to the living room to show me the karaoke station he installed. "Hm not really."

"Give it a try?" Austin hands me a microphone, helping me up onto the small stage he put together. "Ok, any requests?" I ask, smiling at him. "Surprise me." I think a bit about what song I want to do and decide to do one that's not yet on streaming, one I wrote a while and recorded not so long ago. "Ok, ready?"

New York back in August 10 floor balcony

smoke is floating over Jane and Greenwich Street

goosebumps from your wild eyes

when they're watching me

shivers danced down my spine

head down to my feet

swimming in your eyes in your eyes Egyptian blue

some thing I've never had without you

you're giving me chills at 100°

it's better than pills how you put me to sleep

Calling your name the only language I can speak

taking my breath a souvenir that you can keep

"When did you write that one I don't think I've heard it before is it about me?" Austin teases coming over to take me into his arms and kiss my cheek. I giggle putting the microphone down and circling my arms around his neck looking straight into his eyes "Yeah I wrote it about you what gave it away?" Austin shrugs his shoulders smiling at me playing with my braids between his fingers "Maybe it was the part about giving you shivers" I laugh tilting my head back "Oh really I thought it would've been the part about Egyptian blue eyes" he chuckles softly. "That part too, I guess." I shake my head at him, kissing his pink lips, licking my own when we break apart. "Is that my lip balm?" Austin blushes and pulls the lip balm tube out of the pocket his sweatpants applying some. "Dork" I say slapping his shoulder, making him feign hurt.

"Would you love birds stop all the smooching" Roxanne says walking into the living room with Joshua in hand. "Hey man!" Austin says reaching a hand out to shake Joshua's, then he goes to hug Roxanne. "Roxy, ever bubbly." Austin teases. "Hi Roxy, Joshua." I say. "Butler, ever a golden retriever, go fetch." She jokes, throwing an invisible ball. "Easy tiger!" Joshua pats her shoulder, kissing her cheek.

"Everything looks nice, is the cake ready? Can I taste some?" She asks excitedly. "Thank you and no, not yet." Just then my alarm rings for me to take the cake out. "You think you boys could fend for yourselfs while me and Roxy make the cake?" I ask, looking between Austin and Joshua. "I think we'll be fine." Austin responds, Joshua agreeing. "Ok, come on Rox, I'll let you eat the extra frosting."

"Hey that's not fair, I want some as well." Joshua says walking out way, only to get pulled back by Austin. "We'll steal some later, let the girls have their own moment" Austin winks my way, making me blush.

"Oh hello Roxanne!" My mom says, as she works on the smashed potatoes. "Hi miss" Roxy says back, hoping on the counter and watching me take the cake out of the oven and pouring syrup over it to cool it of and get it moist. "So Joshua was saying that he was thinking a trip to Rome might be nice for new year's. He said you and Austin should come along and if Timmy keeps things steady with Lily-Rose he should bring her." I get excited for a minute only to deflate the next. "What about paparazzi? You know me and Austin want to keep this as hidden as possible."

"We would rent a vineyard air b&b outside of Rome, keep away from the big city, maybe visit some of the villages around." The plan sounds great, but not bulletproof. "Paparazzi could still find us." She shrugs her shoulders, taking a spoon and helping herself to some of the frosting. "At this point you've been together for what? 10 months?" I nod. "And you love each other, if they find you, the last thing you should do is listen to their stupid speculations and talk, you and Austin know the truth of your love story ."

"I'll have to think a bit more about it. Ok?" She understands and tells me that I still have a few days until Joshua has to confirm how many people will be staying at the place he rented.

The party starts soon after our conversation and we all have a great time, singing and enjoying good food. At the end of the night when me and Austin put ourselves to bed I tell him about Roxy's invite and he tells me Joshua brought it up to him as well, as far as he's concerned he is willing to take the risk. "I love you and you love me, we both know what we have it's true, so what does it matter if they find us." I agree with him in the end, deciding that maybe yes we should go with our friends and enjoy new year's with them, but the anxiety of being found out doesn't necessarily leave me.

February 2023

The Grammys

"And the Grammy goes to..." Dua Lipa, makes a slight pause to read the winner off of the card and I hold my breath, having so many feelings at once. Taylor holds my hand under the table, also watching the stage closely, waiting for the moment the tell us who won. "(Y/n), Someone who loves you (wouldn't do this)" my song "everything I wanted" starts playing and there's screams from everywhere, feel Taylor hug me, lifting me up from the chair and pushing me towards the stage. She, Finneas, Jack, Billie and Joshua join me on the stage as I accept my award.

" I can't say that when I was making this album I ever thought it would be nominated for a Grammy and then it would get to win a Grammy. I poured my heart into this project and every single one of the people on this stage tonight can tell you how many tears I've cried over these songs and how difficult it was for me to open up to the world in the way that I did. It's more than just a dream to see my words be transported from my journal entries into songs into streaming platforms and then into your homes and hearts. I am so honored and so happy and I want to thank my family, my friends, my love, and my record label and the Academy for the amazing opportunity that they've offered me tonight thank you!"

After the great ceremony and a few more awards, I finally get to go home, missing Taylor's after party, since I'm too tired to attend. When the elevator doors open to my apartment, I'm met with a huge arrangement of flowers, from purple star flowers to sun flowers and peonies, all my favorite flowers, filling the room with their incredible aroma. "...my love" I hear my voice say as Austin comes into view holding his phone, turning the recording of my speech off. "You found a way to thank me, you didn't have to." He says, scooping me up into his arms. "That was exactly what I needed to do, dandelions was my first number one hit." I remind him kissing his cheek, as he carries me to my bedroom and into the bathroom where he prepared a relaxing bath for me.

Golden Globes evening

" Good evening everybody, I want to start off by thanking the Golden Globes for giving me the honor of presenting an award this year. The first time I ever attended the Golden Globes ceremony I was Timothée Chalamet's +1 it happened in 2016 and I met Taylor Swift. If you would've told me back then that getting to talk to Taylor would change what my future would look like forever, I probably wouldn't have believed you so I have a lot of things to thank the Golden Globes for. Last year I was nominated for a couple of words I even won a few but I couldn't attend so this year it was mandatory for me to be here. I am excited to announce the category for the best actor, on our list we have nominees who have given us amazing performances of incredible characters, bringing to screen pure and raw emotion pouring their soul and entire being into these personas that they've taken responsibility to portray. Here's a list of our nominees for best actor" I wait for the promoter to read the nominees, hoping that my reaction to Austin's name being called out, wasn't too much.

The room is quiet and it's my turn again to speak, with shaking hands, I hold the golden envelope up. " In this year's winner for best actor is" I pause opening the envelope and as soon as my eyes make out the name written on the card, they fill with tears that quickly blink back. " Austin Butler for Elvis, Congratulations!" My voice tremors and I feel like my entire body could explode with joy and excitement for Austin. After hugging Baz and his father Austin, runs over to the stage, coming my way with teary eyes. On reflex he hugs me and picks me up off the ground, squeezing me tight, so I have to remember him about where we are. "Careful baby!" He puts me down, taking the award and mouthing a silent 'sorry'.

After he gives his speech, we both get down from the stage and I walk over to his table to make small talk with Baz and Priscilla and meet Lisa Marie for the first time. "(Y/n) always a pleasure to see you, you look beautiful, honey." Priscilla says, putting back in place some pieces of hair that fell out of place. "Thank you and it's a pleasure to meet you miss Presley" I say to Lisa, extending my hand out to shake, but she surprises me by giving me a big hug. "Oh please it's Lisa, I was so sad we didn't get to talk at the premiere last year and I'm so happy so finally get to see you." I blush at all the nice commentary coming my way, making small talk for the rest of the night.

A few days later

I'm still in L.A. after the golden globes working in getting some auditions for some new exciting roles, I'm staying over at Austin's house, which I think by now a lot of people know. There were some pictures of him picking me up from the air port before the awards, but nothing too scandalous to confirm we're more than just friends.

Austin is in his office, working on some online interviews, having doubled his press due to the Oscars being in a couple of weeks. I can hear him softly talk and laugh to the interviewer and it makes me smile, knowing how sad and worried he's been for the last day. He received news from Baz who heard from Priscilla, that Lisa Marie was rushed to the hospital last night and since then Austin's just been packed with nerves and anxiety, he formed a strong bond her. Not to say he's under pressure for the Oscar nominations, being announced in two days from now.

As I scroll through my phone, Austin's phone rings, he left it here with me to take any calls or messages while he's busy with interviews. I see the id caller being Baz, so I decide it's safe to answer. "Austin?" Baz's voice comes through the phone, worry and sadness evident in his tone and my mind goes directly to Lisa Marie. "It's me Baz, Austin is in an interview right now." I hear Baz sigh. "Well maybe it's better like this maybe he'll take the news better coming from you." I know what this means, I know it so well, it hurts before he says it, my heart filling with hurt and sadness, tears breaming my eyes. "Just say it." All this wait is killing me. "Lisa Marie didn't make it, the memorial is a week form now at Graceland, both you and Austin are invited to come. I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news." I wipe the few falling tears from my cheeks, breathing deep. "That's ok Baz, thanks for telling me, I'll tell Austin when he's free, we'll talk soon, take care." I end the call and cry for a few good minutes, but I decide to be strong for Austin and I wipe my face and sit reading my script, while closely listening for him to be done with his interview.

When I hear him say goodbye to the interviewer and close his laptop, I get up form the couch and walk over to his office. The door is closed so that way, neither William or Simba could walk in and bomb his interview. I knock quietly and open the door. Austin, who was resting his head on his hands, ruffling his hair, lifts his eyes up to look at me. "(Y/n) have you been crying? What's-" I sit down on the leather couch in his office and pat the spot next to me. "Sit with me." Austin looking worried, listens to me, no questions asked, sitting down next to me. "Baz called, he," I take a deep breath. "He told me Lisa didn't make it, the memorial is next week at Graceland."

As I speak he doesn't seem to hear me talk anymore, his eyes filled with tears. He falls limb into my arms and cries with his face buried into my chest. I feel his hot tears soak into my shirt and his hands grip the cotton material harder, almost ripping it off of me. I try to soothe him, but the best thing I can do right now, is let him cry in my arms.

After a good hour or so of crying he fell asleep on the couch with his head in my lap, it was good thinking I got my phone with me when I left the living room, cause he had another interview scheduled for today, so I texted his agent James and told him that Austin isn't going to be able to do them. James, being Austin's best friend since they were little kids, understood perfectly, giving me green light to let Austin rest.

About three hours into his sleep, I need to use the bathroom really bad, so I unlatch his hands from around my waist and get up to go to the bathroom. As I'm washing my hands I hear him call my name, thinking he's up, I call back. "In the downstairs bathroom Aus." But I don't hear anyone approach, which worries me. I still hear him calling my name over and over again and I realize he's not awake, he's just sleep talking, something he does when he's very nervous.

I find him still on the couch in his office, asleep and mumbling my name. I squeeze next to him on the small couch and find my stop into his arms, instinctively he hugs me close, burying his nose into my hair and breathing in my scent. I don't know how long we stay like that, but by the time his eyes flutter open, the sun outside is setting. His hazy blue eyes watch me. "Is it real?" He asks, new tears pricking his eyes. "It is, baby." He holds me close to his chest, breathing in and out quietly.

A little over a week later

I attended the funeral with Austin, which made sense since I was close to the family outside my relationship with him, there were a few photos of me and him at the event, but we were both in mourning and us hugging didn't look too out of character. But to be honest at this point I don't think we care to hide the relationship anymore, we just want to be happy.

After the funeral Austin decided to fly back to New York with me, where we are now. Tonight the Oscar nominations are announced and I'm so so nervous for him, he really deserves it and I know deep down he wants it so badly. "Ready for bed honey?" He asks, coming into my bedroom and setting into bed next to me. "Do you really think you could sleep?" I ask as he puts his head into my stomach. "If you sing to me, please." He asks politely, so how could I refuse him?

One night a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what could've been lights

but it might just have been you

passing by unbeknownst to me

life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

and my flight was awful

thanks for asking

I am unglued

thanks to you

and it's like snow at the beach

weird but fucking beautiful

flying in a dream stars by the pocketful

you wanting me tonight feels impossible

but it's coming down no sound it's all around

like snow at the beach

Though Austin falls asleep soon enough, I can't find rest for the whole night, so at 7am I'm at the kitchen counter, drinking a big cup of coffee, looking out the window and listening to the nomination announcement. When they reach the best actor category, my heart stops and I hold my breath. Finally they say it, they say he name, I'm so excited I don't have the patience to stay and watch the rest of the ceremony to see what other nominations hie movie gets, this one was the one I cared for the most.

I Find him still soundlessly asleep, his phone buzzing on his nightstand. I pick it and see it's James. "James hi, I'll wake him up now so sorry." James his agent sighs, chuckling. "That's ok, tell him to call me when he can, but an hour later max, understood?" I promise James that I'll get Austin to call him no later than an hour from now and end the call. "Aus.." I shake him awake gently and he opens his blue eyes for me. "Baby?"

"It's here Aus, you, made it, you got the nomination." As soon as the words leave my mouth he, sits up , looking for his phone. "You'll call James later, look at me Austin, I'm so proud of you, congratulations." I say cupping his face in my hands and kissing him. I can't believe I get to live in the moment with him.

March 2023

The Oscars

"This year every time we went to the cinema we had an incredible experience watching amazing actors put on a show for us, we saw personalities portrayed in ways we've never seen before from the electric magic of Elvis to the magnificent sad story of the Whale, we have experienced pain, love, fear, happiness all in one, all at the same time. We got drunk on the feeling of pure joy and pure excitement watching these incredible human beings play out on our screen. Tonight we honor them, we offer a token of our appreciation for the hard work that has been put into these movies. Here is the list of nominees for this year's best actor in a drama." My palms are sweaty and watch Austin holding hands with Angela Basset, while his dad has a hand on his shoulder for the two behind. I see the hope in his eyes and when in handed the envelope with the results, I say a little prayer for him. " Austin Butler for Elvis."

I can't believe it, he doesn't seem to believe it either as he sits frozen in his chair. "Austin it's you, you did it, you won, come up, you won." Finally he wakes up, standing and running over to the stage, not missing a beat when it comes to hugging me. I feel his tears on my cheek and it makes me so happy to know all he's worked for payed off. "I love you so so much!" He says letting me go, receiving his award and heading to the mic the give his speech.

"It's a lot to imagine that after four years of hard work, three years of dedicating myself to this incredible person who is no longer with us, but who left us with such an immense legacy , I get to be here on this stage tonight and hold this award in his name. Elvis, he loved acting, he loved movies and this award it's so much for him as it is for me. I want to thank him I want to thank his daughter Lisa for always watching over me. I want to thank my mom who is up there with them looking down at me hopefully so proud of who I am right now and what I managed to do. I want to thank every single person who was by my side in this period of time and who always supported me even when I didn't believe it myself thank you so much!"

After the ceremony and after getting his award engraved with his name we get in the car together, I rest my head on his shoulder as his driver takes us back to my place, so we could change for Baz's after party. "I can't believe it!" Austin whispers, smoothing his fingers over the cold metal of the award. "I can, you work very hard and you reached peoples hearts, you deserve it, own up to it."

July 2023

After the Oscars we were photographed many times together, but the most recent one, which finally confirmed our relationship came out only two days ago, after we had cute date. We were both a little tipsy and while waiting for Matt to come pick us up, we were photographed making out on the side of the street. It feels so weird to have everyone know that we're together, but it also feels good in a way, because now we don't have to hide anymore. Trying to lift my spirits up, Austin booked a trip to Disneyland the day after my birthday, which we chose to celebrate together at his house in L.A, combining both of our birthdays since they are only 9 days apart.

I look down at my lap, at the sleeping Austin, he looks so sweet and peaceful, I think it's finally time that I confirm my love for him online, so I snap a picture of him over my book that I'm reading, posting it to my stories and tagging him. I know this will probably blow out the internet, but I don't care, I'm so in love that I might stop breathing, he and I are approaching two years together and it's so unbelievable, if you've told me two years ago, that Austin would be mine, I probably would've laughed in your face, but it's true and it's of so amazing.

I can't wait to see what our future has in store for us, but I'm hopeful that we'll get through everything, like we have so far, by being open and communicative, by listening to each other, knowing when and where to set boundaries. Dedicating our time to helping each other grow and stay happy and healthy.

All because loving him is golden like daylight and the delicate beginning rush we felt so long ago never seems to leave us, only growing in intensity, fueling us to always come back and be here.

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