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ralvezfanatic · 6 months

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Kiss me! Kiss me!! Kiss me again!!!

Spencer Reid x Tall Male!Reader

Garcia steps out to go buy food, leaving Reader and a tired, annoyed and definitely not pouty, Spencer alone for a moment. Unfortunately she forgot something causing her to go back and walk in on the two lovers kissing.

Warnings: Kissing. Being caught. Not really proofread. That's all I can think of, lmk if I missed anything. Reader is taller than Spencer. Whiny Spencer. Sorta OOC

Title stolen off of Kiss Me <3 bc i love Vampyx !!

Word count: 1.2k

"Go on Garcia! It's like..." You check the clock quickly, thinking a second trying to remember the time zones before speaking again.

"...4am in New York!" You finished, wanting Garcia to leave without too much worry.

"3am. It's 3am in New York, the team hasn't called us in a while, and we'll be fine if they do. I'm here! With this genius, we'll be alright for a few hours."

"3am." Spencer mumbled out to correct you.

Garcia looked at you, a smile on her face appreciating your kindness. She stood up, nodding as she finally gave in.

"Okay! You're totally right, lover boy, right right. I can leave for a little, get something to eat quickly." She continued nodding, collecting her things as she talked.

She was hesitant to leave, it was a stressful case, most leads ended up in a dead end. She knew you would be fine if the team needed something, but the stress didn't want to let her go out.

She stopped, wondering if she had everything. "Umm.. yes.. yes?" She listed things off. With a last "yes" she hummed and thanked you again.

"I'll be back soon. I'll bring something for you two, don't worry." She smiled, ruffling your hair.

"Thank you Pen!!" You waved at her, but she was already walking out, her heels clicking with each of her steps. Finally she walks out the door and closes it, leaving you and Spencer alone.

He had injured himself once more, and wasn't allowed on the field for a while so he was left with the tech analysts again. He didn't really mind, spending time with his best friend and boyfriend was not something to be complaining about. He spun a bit in his chair, looking down at the floor, wishing he could go home and sleep. He was tired, uncomfortable and slightly irritated from the case.

You turned to him, watching him move in his chair with a smile on your face finding his movements silly. Even though he was obviously annoyed, he still

"C'mere.." You called to him, rolling your chair closer to him before he even had the chance to move.

You stood up, pulling his arms to make him stand up with you. He looked up, not wanting to stand up but was only met with your pleading eyes.

He sighed and started to stand up slowly, using you as support. You smiled at his compliance, helping him so he doesn't put too much weight on his injury.

You wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him closer to you. You looked down at him, your faces inches apart, a smile on your face.

"Did you make me stand just to stare at me? Or to remind yourself of the small height difference?" Spencer asked you, unamused with the fact he stood for seemingly no reason.

Honestly you didn't know why exactly you made him stand, his questioning made you chuckle though.

"No, of course not." You shook your head and leaned down in an attempt to kiss him.

He blushed and shook his head trying to pull away, or stop you.

"No! We're at work, in your shared little room. It's unprofessional!" He frowned, desperately wanting to give in and just kiss you, but not wanting to be break the rules at work.

"Nobody is going to walk in! It's like.. past 2am, the teams across the country and Garcia just left to buy food, we'll be fine." You insisted, knowing that you two would be safe to kiss.

"No, what if someone else walks in? What if someone comes looking for one of us! What if-".

You quickly cut him off with a kiss, which immediately shut him up. He was still worried, scared someone would walk in, but he didn't do much to pull away from your kissing. Actually, he melted into it quickly, wrapped his arms around your shoulders, both for comfort and support.

You hummed out feeling his arms wrap around you, happy he gave in. You had only meant for it to be a short kiss, but Spencer had let out a small whimper when you pulled away. Now, how could you even think about making your injured boyfriend sad.

You shook your head, a chuckle escaping at his pouty face.

"Thought you said it was unprofessional?" You raised your eyebrow at him, only to be met with furrowed eyebrows and a bigger pout.

"Y/N!" He whined, sounding like a child about to throw a tantrum. You rolled your eyes, leaning down to meet his lips again, but spoke before actually kissing him.

"Don't start stomping your foot now." You laughed before he crashed his mouth into yours, wanting to shut you up from your stupid comments.

He pulled you closer, trying to deepen the kiss which you quickly allowed, turning the supposedly sweet kiss into a small makeout session.

"Hey boy genius and boy genius lover!" Penelope's voice called out from outside, quickly opening the door before either of you could move.

"I forgot my-" She started, the door swinging open and immediately cut herself off seeing you two leaned against the desk.

Spencer quickly broke away from the kiss, but not daring to face her, his face completely red from embarrassment. You looked over at Penelope, cheeks flushed as you continued to hold Spencer by his waist.

"Oh! Am I interrupting, boy.. time..? Sorry sorry.. let me just quickly grab this and leave." She apologized quickly, shuffling in and leaning around the both of you to grab her forgotten item.

She backed up, patting Spencer on his shoulder before she walked out. "Didn't think you had it in you Spencer, making out at work!?"

"Derek is not going to believe this.." She giggled before closing the door and leaving.

Spencer cringed at her comment, knowing Derek was going to tease him about this nonstop for the next month (if not more).

He turned his head up, glaring at you as he spoke.

"See! I told you we'd get caught!" He huffed, pulling his arms off your shoulders and looked away from you.

"Well it's not like I was the only one participating in the kiss was I? Or the one who whined when I tried to pull away." You responded, not appreciating how your boyfriend tried to put the blame all on you.

He let out another annoyed huff at your comment, knowing you were right, but obviously he wasn't going to take the blame when he could just continue to put it on you.

"You gave in to the second kiss when you could have easily just stopped."

"Yeah and then deal with your whining and pouty ass the rest of the night?"

"I don't whine!"

You stare at him, eyebrow raised wondering if he seriously believed that.

He did.

"What? I don't pout, or whine! I'm a grown man, not a child.." He said after a couple of seconds of being stared at.

"Mhm.." You hummed out, not wanting to continue with this anymore. Spencer, of course, did not pout at your lack of response.

"Whatever you say Spencer." You chuckled, giving him a soft kiss on his forehead.

He let out yet another huff, completely unappreciating your comments about his maturity.

You let go of his waist, allowing him to back away and sit back down, but instead he looked at you as soon as you let go. You looked back down at him, wondering why he wasn't moving back to his chair.

"What?"

He turned around, making sure the door was closed before leaning back and tugging on your shirt to meet your lips once more.

#spencer reid x male reader #bau x male reader #criminal minds x male reader #male reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #x male reader

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wolfvmin · 1 year

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House of Cards

pairing: chishiya shuntarou x fem!reader genre: angst (i love angst i'm sawry), unrequited love (but is it really), pining wc: 6.1k warnings: niragi, spontaneously written at 2am and under the influence, chishiya is emotionally constipated, is chishiya ooc here idk summary: in which you've known chishiya before borderlands and he isn't so fond of seeing you at the beach ao3 link > PART 2

The first person you saw after the first game at the Beach was Usagi. You ran to her as soon as you saw her by the pool.

“Have you seen Arisu?” She asks you as soon as you let go. You shake your head in worry, your head immediately looking around and searching the crowd for the familiar shaggy mop of hair.

“There!” She exclaims and you both push through the crowd to get to him. He sees both of you approaching and screams your names in delight.

“Arisu!” You grin as you approach him. You immediately wrap your arms around him. He pats your back.

“You’re both alive.” He lets out a sigh of relief. You nod and let him go.

He and Usagi stare at each other with shy smiles, making you roll your eyes. You stood in between them awkwardly.

“Please just hug it out. I’m practically begging at this point. I wish the game just killed me if I knew I will have to see this shit.” You cross your arms and walk away from both of them while both of them follow you, no doubt still shyly smiling at each other while talking.

You sat on one of the pool chairs and Usagi sat on the edge of your seat. Arisu sat on the other chair beside yours.

“Ann was trying to test me,” Arisu says as he sat down on the edge of the beach chair, talking about the game he was in.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” Usagi replies while you nod in agreement.

A girl in a blue patterned two-piece swimsuit enters your space and sits beside Arisu. She was tall, pale, and pretty and with some kind of stick in her mouth. The three of you follow her with your gazes.

“Your girlfriend?” She asks and nods at Usagi. She was talking to Arisu.

“What?” Arisu reacts, clearly caught off-guard.

You roll your eyes again but watch the exchange with a grin.

“You’re wrong,” Usagi denies.

“You clearly like each other. Why not date?” Kuina shrugs and then continues. “You’re never gonna know when you’re going to die.”

Whatever Arisu, Usagi, and the new girl were talking about, you tune it all out with your thoughts.

It was harsh but true. People always say, if the world was ending, they’d live to the fullest. In Borderlands, every day is your last day. You think back to Chishiya. If he was here, how would he treat you? Pain struck your chest at the thought.

Will he ever look at you the way Arisu looks at Usagi? All this time, you’ve been hanging on to your life hoping you’ll return to him. But is it worth it? Will he even like it when you come back?

“What about you?”

The girl looks at you with expectant eyes.

“What was that? Sorry, I zoned out.”

“You got someone to go back to the original world? I’m Kuina, by the way.” She gives you a sweet smile.

You nod, thinking of the nonchalant platinum blonde. “Yeah. I think so.”

She was about to ask more when a loud voice halts the entire celebration.

“Hey, stop playing that tacky music!”

Armed men enter the area. You recognize some of them as the men who tied you up when the three of you were caught spying on The Beach. Everyone stops partying upon their arrival, you even see some holding their breath.

“It’s the militants,” Kuina explains to the three of us. “If you want to live a peaceful life at the Beach, avoid getting involved with them.”

She begins to explain who the militants are and what they do. The muscular man named Aguni is their leader. They’re who are in power on the Beach along with Hatter and his devotees. A conflict could happen between the two groups at any time. You don’t doubt it. Such two different powers will clash inevitably.

Aguni and his militants stop by the four of you. He was looking at Arisu who avoided his gaze.

“What happened to your friend?” The question was for Arisu again. You raise a brow. You’re beginning to notice a lot of people knowing Arisu. He must’ve been in a game with the man back when he was with his friends.

Arisu stayed silent, a glimpse of his defeated self, lying on the ground passing by you.

“I see. He died.” Aguni states the obvious. “What a shame only the small fish survived.”

You frown at the clear insult to your friend.

“Do you know each other?” Kuina whispered to Arisu.

Aguni then flits his dark gaze to Usagi and then to you. You suddenly felt naked in your black two-piece swimsuit. But it’s not like you to cower. So you look back at him with the same dark but angry gaze.

“You,” he points at the arrogant-looking man with the gun over his shoulder. “Bring those women over.”

The man quickly moves to his feet, about to grab Usagi first. Arisu stands up in a heartbeat, shouting his protest.

“Stop it. Don’t get involved!” Kuina holds his arm as he stands up.

Usagi stays planted in her seat and you stand up, fists in anger and on your sides.

“Our boss said he wants a taste of both of you.” He says with an ugly smirk on his face. With you being closer, you could see the multiple piercings on his face. You feel nothing but disgust for this man.

The man grabs Usagi’s arm again and both Arisu and you stop him.

“Stop it,” Arisu repeats, standing in front of you and Usagi.

“What? Had to have two chicks to yourself? Don’t you know sharing is caring?” He asks Arisu and then asks Aguni. “What should we do about this guy?”

“Break his legs so that he’ll die in the next game.”

Your eyes widen at the words of the militants’ leader. You quickly felt fear for your friends. God, is this really gonna happen to the three of you?

The pierced man orders the militants to bring the both of you to Aguni while he grabs Arisu.

The tattooed man with a sword approaches you and grabs you by the arm.

“Fucking let me go.” You struggle against his hold, tugging your arm from his digging grasp.

Arisu escapes the pierced man’s hold and is about to head back to the both of you when the militants block his way. He can’t do anything. You can’t do anything. You were outnumbered and no one will save you.

You stare down the bald tattooed man, not letting him see your fear.

You look around, desperate for an opening or an idea to save the three of you. The people only look at the situation closely.

There was only one name in your mind. Chishiya. You have to get out of here for Chishiya. You have to make it out alive somehow.

“Is this a fight?”

The crowd made a way and came in the Beach’s number one, Hatter.

“Back off Hatter, this doesn’t concern you,” Aguni spoke up.

“I can’t do that. As Number One, I’m obliged to maintain order at the Beach.” He says dramatically, looking afar. Then he looks at the militants once again. “Can you let off the newcomers in my account, Aguni?”

All of the residents of the Beach watch as the tension between the two leaders rises. It was Hatter who first breaks the stare down and looks at the pierced man.

“Niragi?” He directs the question to him. So his name is Niragi, you thought. It’s best to avoid him. He reeks of danger and you are seldom wrong about your intuition.

Niragi looks away. “I only take orders from my boss.”

Hatter clearly takes offense at the man’s answer and looks at Aguni again with dark eyes. “Then let me ask your boss.”

He stares down at Aguni again, faces inches away from each other. “Who’s your boss, Aguni?”

Aguni doesn’t look at Hatter, staring ahead in anger. Then he turns to face Hatter. Everyone waits for the tough-looking man’s answer.

“It’s you, right?”

Hatter seemed pleased with his answer and whispered something to him. Aguni then makes his way out of the scene. You successfully tug your arm out of the militant’s grasp, glaring at him and moving away.

“All executive members are to gather in the meeting room!” Hatter announces to everyone.

The militants rush out of the scene and Hatter watches as they walk away.

“Arisu, you’re coming too.” He orders without looking at him, still eyeing the gunned men who have their backs turned to him. “I heard your potential from Ann. Follow me.”

Arisu looks at Usagi and then at you. You nod at him, assuring silently that the two of you will be okay.

“I’ll be back,” Arisu promises to Usagi who was still sitting down.

Your male friend follows Hatter and Usagi trails behind him in worry but stops after a few steps. You follow her and place a hand on her shoulder, staring at the back of your friend who was to be in a meeting with the executives.

“Usagi. He’ll be fine.” You tell her in comfort, mostly telling it to yourself too.

You turn back at Kuina, about to ask her if she knows where they’re going.

But what you saw froze you in your place, dropping your hand from Usagi’s shoulder.

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. That white jacket. That platinum blonde. Those cat-like eyes. Your eyes must be deceiving you. It can’t be.

“Shuntarou.” You sang as you entered the Doctors’ lounge room.

He was alone and it was so quiet you can hear a pin drop so you don’t miss how he audibly sighs. You giggle, well aware of the fact that you annoy the shit out of him. You sit across from him. He was reading some patient information with three books stacked on the coffee table in front of him.

As usual, he doesn’t even express his negative welcome with words.

“I bought you something,” you wave the paper bag in front of his face in excitement.

It didn’t surprise him. You always do this. Whenever you were out shopping, you had to buy him one thing. It was an unspoken rule you set for yourself. And it could be anything—no price range, no rules. One time, you bought him a plant. It died in three weeks. So, you set another rule for yourself, only inanimate objects as gifts.

You set the paper bag down and take out the box inside it. You know he won’t bother opening it in front of you so you open it yourself.

As you take off the lid, you excitedly say, “Tada!”

His eyes flit to the content of the box for a second and then to you before going back to his patient’s papers. He never says thank you for any of your gifts but you don’t really mind. He didn’t ask for them anyway. But you know when he likes the gifts. It’s how you know more about him. He’ll never tell you what he likes or dislikes so it was up to you to figure it out.

“It’s nice, isn’t it? Can you wear this when we go on our date?” You press him as you take out the white jacket from the box.

It wasn’t a date. But he doesn’t deny it so that was enough for you.

Before he answers (but you doubt he would), the door of the lounge opens and walks in Nakamura Hina. She was your senior in med school and a great doctor. She’s also one of Chishiya’s co-workers.

She’s nice and she never showed you anything bad but you sense that she doesn’t like you. You didn’t mind. There was a pretty long line and you don’t plan on opening the doors to any of them.

“Y/N, you’re here,” she states the obvious and gives you a tight strained smile. Her eyes flit over to Chishiya.

“Chishiya, Mr. Yamamoto wants you in his office to talk about the patient.”

Without saying a word, he was already on his feet, not even sparing you a glance and following Nakamura out the door. You stand up too.

“I’ll head out too! Remember what I said, okay?”

He doesn’t even acknowledge you and kept on walking. Hina was looking at you with pity in her eyes. You’ve grown accustomed to it. That was your reputation anyway–the rich girl always hanging around Chishiya Shuntarou.

When they were out of the door, you slump back down your seat and groan.

Before leaving, you fixed your gift back in the paper bag and set it down next to his things.

You hope he’ll wear it, at least.

It’s Chishiya. Your Chishiya was beside Kuina.

He was staring ahead of you so you purposefully blocked his sight, forcing yourself to be in his sight. It was so you to force your way into his life.

If he looks at you, then it’s real. He’s real.

His gaze drops on your face but as soon as his eyes meet yours, Usagi speaks.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?”

This made you look at her. “It’s—,” you look back at him but find yourself gazing at a crowd with no Chishiya or Kuina in sight.

He’s here in Borderlands.

Scared to be alone in such a dangerous place, Usagi and you slept in her room. You lie on your backs and side by side on her bed. Inches away from each other, you could practically feel Usagi’s anxiety reeking off and unto you.

“Do you think Arisu’s fine right now?” Usagi finally thinks out loud.

You sigh. “He can handle himself.” You pause and think about the man you considered your friend. “He’s smart, isn’t he?”

You feel her genuinely smile beside you. “It’s definitely one of his strengths.”

“So you like smart guys too?” You tease her. “I get it,” you add, thinking about a certain genius doctor you know.

“Too? What does that mean? Your type is smart guys?” She gets excited and faces you on her side, leaning her chin on her palm and putting her upper weight on her elbow.

You purse your lips. “I’m not telling you.”

She shakes you and whines. “Come on. Tell me.”

You grin and lean on your elbow too, now facing each other like two teenage girls in a sleepover. Doing this felt like ages ago. You used to gush over Chishiya to your girlfriends who clearly felt annoyed and tired of it. But right now, Usagi was waiting and is so excited for you to tell her all about the guy you liked. It reminded you of how life used to be so simple. Now, romance was a luxury no one can afford in Borderlands.

“He’s a doctor.” You start. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. Our parents were coworkers and friends.”

“I was in med school too. We were both there together. It’s kind of an unspoken thing that we’re arranged to be married. I hated studying medicine. So I didn’t really pursue it after college.” You pause, thinking about much easier times. “Chishiya, though, he’s good at everything. He’s smart and he’s so cool. He isn’t like anyone I've ever met.”

“So it’s him? The person you’re going back to after Borderlands?” Usagi asks, sweetly and in awe.

You gave her a sad smile. “That was the plan.”

Her brow furrowed and formed into a frown. “What do you mean?”

You lie back down, looking up at the ceiling with tears in your eyes. It’s a good thing the lights were off. “I saw him tonight. He’s here.”

“He’s here?” She doesn’t hide the shock in her tone and you nod. “Why didn’t you go to him?”

“It’s weird.” You admit. “I’m kinda scared.”

It’s true. You were scared. At first, you were shocked but then you were scared. Chishiya were in the same deadly games you’ve been in. Needless to say, they were traumatic and insane. You don’t doubt that he won all those games but still, you were scared. One wrong move is all it takes sometimes. He could die any day here in Borderlands instead of him waiting for you in the real Tokyo. And would he care about you here? Without the threat of your parents knowing their daughter’s every move?

“You’re scared of your boyfriend?” She huffs, trying to lighten the mood.

“That’s the thing. He’s not my boyfriend,” you answer with a sad voice. “I was just this girl who chased him around. I didn’t mean a thing to him. I’m scared that he won’t care about me here.”

Usagi places a hand on top of mine.

“I’m sure he will. You’re hard not to care about, Y/N.”

You slept that night with a heavy heart. You’ve come a long way in the games. You sacrificed, killed, and bled just so you can come back to a life that was not even worth living for a man that was fighting for his life in the games as well.

It scares you a lot because as much as you do not care about what happens to you, you know that you’ll die for him. You realize that your feelings for him run that deep. You love him that much.

That very night, you realize that your goal in Borderland has changed.

It wasn’t to go back to Chishiya. It was to make sure that he gets out of here alive. Even if meant your damnation, you’ll gladly take it.

The next morning, Arisu, Usagi, and you went around the Beach to gather information. There wasn’t much. You learned that there weren't any games beyond Tokyo and it wasn’t accessible at all. Whoever leaves Tokyo or the country, a laser shoots them from the sky.

The three of you assume that the only real way to get out of here was to play the games.

“I’ll go to the annex basement,” Usagi says as the three of you walk outside the building. “I’ll go get some food supplies and any weapons that we can use.”

“I’ll go with you,” you tell her. She nods at me. “I’m going to look for someone I know.”

You spun and nodded at Arisu. “I’ll look for some more information if I can, in case we need it.”

The two of you separated from Arisu and did what you told him you will. You didn’t find Chishiya. You didn’t think it wise to ask the residents of the Beach about his whereabouts because it wouldn’t be wise for them to know about your association with him. None of these people can be trusted.

When the three of you met up once again, Usagi began to tell Arisu that the Beach had gathered quite a large number of firearms and it was guarded.

“As long as they have those firearms, Hatter is dangerous,” Usagi worried.

You nod. “The militants too. They overpower us.”

Arisu stops walking, thinking deeply. Usagi asks him what’s wrong but he walks again and looks out the window.

Out there, the residents of the Beach we’re partying like there’s no tomorrow.

“The Beach,” Arisu starts. “A utopia built upon charisma. However, maybe that’s just our imagination. A utopia doesn’t exist in this world.”

Usagi and you look at each other, confused at your friend’s mumbling.

“Usagi. Y/N. I’d like to talk to you about something.”

He stares at the two of you deeply in the eye, waiting for your answer intently.

You let out a loud huff. “Why? What’s got you serious all of a sudden?”

You were mad. You found Chishiya on the rooftop with Kuina. How dare him tell Arisu to specifically leave you out of his plan?

“Y/N?” The tall woman was the first one to see you approaching with heavy breaths and clenched fists.

“Why would you tell Arisu to leave me out of the plan? What if something happens to the four of you? What am I supposed to do?” You protest in anger.

“Kuina.”

He only says her name but Kuina understands him. She gives him a nod and taps you on your shoulder before heading inside and out of the rooftop.

“I want to help. I want to leave here too,” you plead with him and take his hand. He pulls it away from your grasp and your heart doesn’t miss to ache because of that action.

“What is so valuable about your life outside Borderlands, anyway?”

“What?”

“You spend all day swiping Daddy’s credit card and drinking with your fake plastic friends. And when you’re bored of them, you come to the hospital to annoy me.”

“Why are you saying this?” Tears well up in your eyes. It’s not that he was lying. All he said was true. You know that you do, in fact, annoy him. You don’t forget the evident irritation on his face whenever he sees you approaching before Borderlands.

You couldn’t help it. Even if the life you had before was dull, there was something about him that pulled you in. You know that he never liked you despite the association of your parents to his. But to hear it tonight, right when you’ve only asked him if you could be a part of his plans—that you want to help him leave The Beach and out of Borderlands.

“Just go back to your room, Y/L/N.”

Stupid. Worthless. Annoying. That’s what he thinks you are. You’re too stupid to be in his oh-so-great plans to leave The Beach. You’re worthless in his and your own life. Most of it all, you were nothing but a nuisance to him. He doesn’t even think of you as a friend. He just thinks of you as someone whom his parents thrusted to.

You agree it’d be better if you weren’t sent to this world with him. But you were.

“I’m serious. You’ll mess up my plan,’ he even adds.

“Why would I do that? What about the games I played? Do you not think I’ve won them with my hard work?”

He makes a tsk sound, staring ahead. It was chillier on the rooftop than expected and your long-sleeved shirt wasn’t enough to shield you from the cold. But you endure it for him and for this argument.

“No. You’ve won games on your own.”

“Then why?” You plead. “Why do you think I’m incapable?”

“I don’t think you’re incapable.”

“Probably not. But you think I’m nothing but a burden to you.”

“You are.” Typical. Unfiltered and cruel truth comes out of his mouth.

“Then you should just let me die in the games I will be in. That way, you’re free of me forever. You’d be able to come back to our life, Chishiya. I know it. I just want to help you. Because I—, even if I’m not your friend, you are mine.” You rarely call him by his last name. The only other times were when it was necessary so you don’t doubt that he felt the coldness in your voice when you uttered his name.

‘Because I love you’, you almost let out.

You don’t wait for his answer and turn around, leaving him alone on the rooftop with his uncaring face and his hand inside the pocket of his white jacket.

While his other hand, the one you held in yours, twitches against the cold breeze of the night.

As Shuntaro’s childhood friend, his unfiltered words were nothing but old news to you. Every time he’d push you away and tell you mean things in disguise of cold harsh truth, you won’t deny that you feel a pang of pain in your heart for a millisecond. But, as aforementioned, with the years you’ve known the nonchalant cat-man, you’ve learned to tug that feeling away as soon as possible.

Right now though, you find yourself exhausted dealing with him.

Now, your feet have carried you to Arisu’s doorstep instead of yours. Despite knowing Chishiya before Borderlands, you weren’t brought here with him. You had your first games alone. That’s when you found Usagi and then eventually, a distraught and defeated Arisu lying on the street.

You spent most of your time in Borderlands with him and Asugi. The three of you joined The Beach together. Who would’ve thought you’d find your long-time crush and friend here as one of the executives?

But before knowing he was here, all your thoughts consisted of the guilt of survival. After all the games you were in, why have you survived? You didn’t deserve it. You don’t consider yourself a good person. You were high on privilege and you basked in it. Your life was pointless with no real hardship.

You’ve confided in Arisu when these thoughts occur. It wasn’t because he was good at comforting you. It was because he understood. He told you he lived a similar life before Borderlands. You picked each other up when he lost Karube and Chotta.

You knocked on his door while hugging yourself in one arm. Your head was all scrambled and there was an aching pain in your heart because of Chishiya.

“Y/N?”

Arisu opens the door to you with tears streaming down your face. His hair was shaggier than usual and he could barely open his eyes. You felt a bit guilty for waking him up so late at night.

“What happened?”

And then you spilled everything to him—the talk with Chishiya and the way you felt about the blonde. You told him how you felt cast aside on the plan to steal the cards.

In the dark of Arisu’s room and on his bed, you tore open your heart in front of him. Your friend sat quietly on the side, listening while rubbing your back in comfort.

It’s ironic how Arisu felt more like a friend than someone you knew for more than a decade. To Chishiya, you were nothing but a burden. Just someone who his parents wanted him to be associated with. His father is a great doctor and a good friend of your father, the owner of multiple hospitals all over Japan.

And you, you were studying medicine as well but you never particularly felt attached to it. It felt like something you had to do. You were supposed to inherit all of it anyway.

You don’t consider yourself intelligent but you had good grades up to high school. It was during college that you started to drift away.

Little do you know, your parents didn’t think you were capable of handling all your businesses from the start. That’s why they chose Chishiya. He was put in the same classes as you from high school up to med school. It was never spoken of but both of you know—Chishiya was being put beside you to marry you and have him take over the company. Chishiya Shuntaro, the genius child.

It was what your parents wanted. It was what his parents wanted. It was what you learned to want. It was what he never wanted.

No, he did want your father’s position. He was always drawn to power and control. And he will get it. But you were the weight that had to come with it. It hurts but it’s the truth.

You clung to him for a long while. But a person can only take so much. Maybe he finally had enough. Without your parents in Borderland, he was free of your childish antics. If you die out here, you know that your parents will still take him in. In fact, maybe they’d be glad that they’ve gotten rid of you. It was nothing but a formality after all—just to say that the next owner is still of your father’s blood.

Despite all that, you love him. You love all of him. You love him even if he looks bored to death when he’s with you. You love him even if he straight up refuses to teach you the lessons you have a hard time on, only to give you his notes right after and even quiz you on them. You love him so much that you accepted being treated like you were worthless and nothing but a pretty display of a daughter by your father so you can have him. If Chishiya wanted to be selfish, then so can you. If he has your position as chairman, then you’ll have him. It’s only fair. He can be happy with his power and miserable with you and you can be happy with him and miserable with your life.

Chishiya is a complicated person. You know that deep inside, he has learned to care for you. Even for a little bit. Well, that’s what you try to believe.

“I’m sorry for waking you up.” You say to Arisu when you are done venting.

Arisu smiles and sighs.

“Our plan, Y/N. It’s dangerous and I understand him.”

You sniffed and paused. “You think I’m incapable too?”

His eyes widened and he shook his head violently. “No. No. That’s not what I meant.” You chuckled at his troubled facial expressions.

“I meant that if I cared about someone, I wouldn’t want them in danger.” He explains himself.

You went quiet after those words. Was it possible? Was it possible that Chishiya was ignoring and pushing you away in Borderlands because he… cared?

You don’t want to hope… but god do you want to.

“He hasn’t seen you in those games. You are more than capable, Y/N. I know it. But I know that if I had the option, I won’t risk putting my friend in danger.”

You nod, taking in his words with understanding. You want to believe that Arisu was right. You want to trust Chishiya. But could you? Do you really know the man behind the rose-colored glasses you wear when you see him?

“Okay,” you sigh.

That night, you stayed with Arisu in his room after arguing with Arisu to let you sleep on the couch instead of his bed. You only didn’t want to risk seeing Chishiya if you went back to yours, especially when his room was a couple of doors down from yours. And you were too tired that you just wanted to crash.

As you stare at the ceiling of the room and feel the digging of your shoulder blades and hips on the couch, you think about the person you and Chishiya were before Borderlands. It hasn’t been long but you’ve already found yourself comfortable with sleeping anywhere, not bathing for days, and hardly eating anything at all. You hadn’t faced any of these hardships.

Arisu was already awake when knocking on his door woke you up from your slumber on his couch. You stirred yourself awake and stood up from the couch.

“Kuina,” you hear him say as he opens the door.

You rise to your feet and head to the door. Kuina’s stare lingers at your recently woken-up form but waves at you and greets you anyway. You wave back.

Kuina whispers something to Arisu and he nods then looks back at you. “Y/N. You can follow Kuina after you’ve fixed yourself, okay?”

You hate this. You felt like a child being taken care of.

Kuina guides you outside the building after being holed up inside your room for the day. It seemed like the plan was a success and you were just waiting for the others.

You tap your foot repeatedly to aid your nerves. Kuina stood beside you quietly, chewing on her stick.

“It’s really hard not to have a smoke right now,” she sighs and talks to no one in particular.

“What’s taking them so long?” you couldn’t help but ask.

As if on cue, Chishiya walks out of the building with his hands in his pockets. You frown when there was no one who followed him next, no sign of the shaggy-haired boy and the athletic girl you’ve grown to love.

“I guess it’s time to say goodbye to this too.” Chishiya removes the band from his wrist indicating his ranking among the executives.

You follow him with your gaze but look behind him from time to time.

“Where’s Arisu? Usagi?” You ask him, worry evident in your tone.

Chishiya stares at you, looking at you with those unfeeling and unemotional eyes. You stare back at them, trying to decipher what he means. And then it hits you.

“No,” you breathe out.

You look at the girl beside you who hung her head low, not being able to look at you.

“Kuina?” Your voice weakened.

Your heart sunk to your stomach. Anger filled your senses and for the very first time ever, you felt hatred for the man in front of you.

“You sacrificed them?!”

He looks away. “It was the only way.”

“They’re my friends,” you complain with a heavy heart. “Arisu is my friend.”

“I feel really bad for them, Chishiya,” Kuina adds.

His gaze flits back to you. “Oh, is that why you ran to your friend’s room for the night after our argument?”

How did he know that? But why does he care?

“Yes. Because unlike you, he gives a shit about me.” You answer with spite. “How could you do this to him? To me? Is this why you didn’t include me in the plans? Because you know I’ll stop you?”

Chishiya doesn’t answer for a while. Silence fills the void between the two of you. Kuina stays silent by your side, watching the scene unfold with her eyes.

“Then go.”

His words held no emotion as he stared at you deadly.

“I betrayed them so we can go out. The three of us. But if you want to go, then go. Help them. I don’t care.”

You look at him and then back to the building. Arisu and Usagi were probably being held by the militants right now. You’ll be outnumbered and caught. But what were you going to do? Go with Chishiya and leave them to die? You thought about the awful things they would’ve done to the three of you if it wasn’t for Hatter stopping them and you felt sick to your stomach. This was not the game. You aren’t supposed to kill and betray unless you were forced to in a game.

Arisu and Usagi are your friends. Chishiya is your friend. You’ve never had real friends before, at least no one really felt like they were. Arisu and Usagi were the first people who made you feel like they were happy to be your friend.

You can’t leave your friends.

“You have the cards, right?” You ask him.

He smirks. “Of course, I do.”

He says it with confidence like he has the ticket to the way out of Borderlands. With this, he was so sure that you’d have to come out with him. So you can go out. That was what he believed you wanted—that you wanted to go back to your life before.

But he was wrong.

“Then you’ll be fine.”

His eyes widened for a second before they turned to something different. They weren’t as dark or lifeless as they usually are. Instead, you could almost see a hint of surprise and maybe even hurt spread across his eyes.

You jump to him and wrap your arms around the man. How many times have you hugged him? You could probably count it with your hands. So you take it in, close your eyes, and try to engrave the feeling in your brain.

“Take care of my parents and the hospitals, yeah?” You whisper in his ear and hold on for five more seconds before completely letting him go.

“Kuina, look out for him, please?” You ask the tall girl but don’t wait for her answer.

Chishiya still stares at you, unspeaking. You look at him one more time and give him a sad smile with tears in your eyes before turning around. You’re afraid that if you look back again, you’ll run to his arms once more and cry about how much you love him.

He doesn’t care if you do. It’s better for you to leave him.

He has the cards now which means he’ll be fine. He can get out of here. If there was someone who can, it was him.

He has no purpose for you anymore and you’ll only be a burden.

With that, you run back inside the building.

#chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya imagine #chishiya x you #chishiya angst

1K notes · View notes

messrmoonyy · 8 months

Note

friends with benefits with Tess but reader has some feelings for her and Tess rejects her a lot and tells her she just wants to have sex with her. But she’s trying to keep her safe because she’s scared that because she does bad things she might make reader be in danger. But Tess sometimes thinks that she wants to be with reader because she has feelings. But one time Tess finally sees that she has feelings for the reader too and they get together

If that’s okay it’s okay if you don’t want to write that

Apartment 342

Tess Servopoulos x reader

A/N- this is not even remotely as smutty as the request may make you think I’m js. Angst, smut( if you squint ), fluff, hurt comfort. All in one. I wrote the majority of this basically in one sitting right up until 2am last night. And I kinda love it. I’m also a little obsessed with Tess’ pov rn I don’t know if you noticed lmao. So this is a Tess pov. And again this literally just doesn’t have smut in. Like maybe 3 sentences. If that. I wanted tess’ emotions instead.

Warnings- smut ( oral ) if you squint, small mentions of violence and injury, honestly a pretty toxic relationship

Word count- 7.9 k

TLOU masterlist | navigation | AO3

Reblogs and comments are encouraged and appreciated. Support your writers <3

Tess ran a soothing hand over your leg as you stopped squirming, going slack with a blissful sigh. She unhooked your leg from over her shoulder and sat up, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand with a satisfied smirk on her face.

You always looked prettiest like that. Every muscle in your body turned to jelly, a blissed out look on your face. It made her chest twinge in a way she pretended not to notice.

“ you okay? “ she asked, getting up from the bed and walking over to the window, pushing it open to let some cool air into the now stifling apartment. And hoping the breeze might clear the fog in her mind.

“ I’m okay “ you said, making Tess glance back to see you shuffling to sit up “ you know someone might see you standing there fuckin naked in front of my window “

“ lucky them “ you scoffed, but smiled.

“ yeah. Lucky them “ she took another moment to feel the cold air before turning away from the window. The last thing she did need was someone seeing her there, as much as she had joked about it . It was why she always made a quick escape, she came for what she needed. Then she left. And that was that. It always had been.

That was the agreement. No strings attached. No emotions. No feelings.

“ you know you don’t have to leave straight away? “ you said as she started picking up her clothes, pulling her tshirt over her head “ you make me feel like one of those whores in the back streets of area 3 “

“ why? I don’t pay you “ you rolled your eyes at her bad attempt at a joke and she sighed, buttoning her jeans.

She had started to notice in the last few months your willingness to let her go when you were done was…. Lessening. You tried to make her talk, or even just talk at her. Prolong her visit. She wasn’t much of a talker, especially when it came to her emotions. Her feelings. And she got the idea that was exactly what you wanted to talk about.

Maybe she was stupid for letting you seduce her all those months ago, letting herself be drawn in and not cutting it off after the first time. It was nearing a year of her slipping through the zone to your apartment, using you as her personal form of stress relief.

And maybe she was stupid for thinking you would be able to follow the rules that she had set. That she would be able to follow them herself. Usually her self control was impeccable. But clearly not with you.

“ maybe you should pay me “ you said with what sounded like you were trying to joke back, but it didn’t quite carry. She walked over to you, tucking her fingers under your chin so you’d look up at her.

“ maybe I should. You always help me out don’t you sweetheart? “ she said with a smile, brushing her thumb across your jaw. She could see one of the conversations she liked to avoid with you brewing, the kind where you tried to make her stay. Tried to make her talk. The kind that almost always ended up in an argument. She could tell just looking at you, your eyes softening in that way they so often did when you looked at her. Gazing up like she was the most incredible thing you’d ever seen.

Eyes swimming with affection. Affection that she couldn’t accept.

Your hand came up to touch her cheek and felt like fire. Like your fingertips were molten and scolding her skin. And that look in your eyes…

" Tess.. "

" don't " she stopped you before you could be even remotely caring towards her. It was always the same. She always ran. She was always scared of letting you in, letting you break the last barricades she had up against you. The second you cracked her she was done for. The second she let you in this entire thing was ruined. She kept you at arms length because she had to, because she was too old for you. She was too dangerous.

She couldn’t.

She wondered if you knew her own control was slipping. If you knew she only pushed you away because she had to and that was why you’d taken to trying to make her talk more. Could you see the chink in her armour? Could you see that weak spot hiding and were trying to push at it?

She figured you did.

" are you okay? " she turned her head, your hand dropping from her cheek. Her skin still burnt. She could still feel you there. She always could. Your fingerprints were practically burned into her skin, a trail of everywhere you had touched her. Marking her in a way only she could see and feel.

How could she be okay when she felt like you were all over her? on her skin and in her mind.

" I'm fine " she lied.

" that's always your fuckin answer " you muttered, annoyance filtering into your words.

" because im always fine " she sighed, annoyance in her own voice as she pulled her jacket on ready to flee the situation. Fearing that one day you’d bring up that conversation and she’d crack. And she couldn’t. She couldn’t.

" no one is always fine Tess. You act like you’re so fucking strong all the time… but you can’t pretend with me. I see you " she gave a short laugh and grabbed her bag. Checking her gun was loaded and shoving it into her back pocket, it was past curfew after all. You sat up, holding the sheets to your chest as your eyes followed her as she collected up your clothes from the floor.

" well, I am " she dropped them next to you and you grabbed her arm before she could leave. She avoided your eyes at first, her jaw tightening. She didn’t want to deal with this conversation tonight. Or any night for that matter. She needed to get out of that damn apartment.

" Tess " she closed her eyes for a moment before meeting yours. They always looked so sad, like so much was going on behind those beautiful eyes. You wished she'd talk to you, she knew that. She knew you were silently begging for her to stay. To tell you what you wanted to hear. Wished she'd sit down and just spill every single trouble she had, confide in you. Trust you. But she couldn’t trust anyone. Not with emotions like that.

Deep down she wanted to. Wanted to stay and tell you that it would probably end up with both of you dead, but something was prickling in her chest every time she looked at you. Every time she was around you. But she knew it would only end in disaster.

" I'm fine sweetheart. Alright? Look I got shit to do oka- "

" I dont believe you "

" I'm not asking you to " she pulled slightly at your grip but you didn't let her go. And maybe that in itself was a little win for you, because she very easily could shake herself from your grip if she wanted to. You weren’t even holding her tightly and she was far stronger than you anyway. But she didn't. She stood there with your fingers wrapped around her wrist, letting you have that. Part of her wishing she could give in.

" you can talk to me. You don't have to leave 30 seconds after you fuck me you know. I don't know why you're so scared of me " she scoffed again at that “ or does only Joel get to hear your secrets huh? “ she shook her head and did let herself free from your grasp then, running a hand over face with a sigh.

That was another thing about you. You’d started suspecting you were just her side thing, that she was fucking Joel and then going around to you for seconds. Which was stupid. Both of you knew that, you were just getting desperate clearly.

Little did you know she hadn’t been with a single other person since she’d met you. Least of all Joel.

" scared of you. Please " she shook her head with a slightly bitter laugh, shaking off those thoughts “ sweetheart I hate to break it you but you’re least scary person in this entire fuckin QZ alright" she placed her hands on her hips in a way that demanded authority, that served as a reminded of who was in charge. Who was the boss. A reminder that she had the power there and you didn’t, and that wasn’t about to change “ that's not our arrangement. We don't... talk you know that. You said you were okay with that. It works. Don't rock the fuckin boat. Be a good girl, do as you’re told " her tone was almost condescending, mocking. Further reminding you to get back in line. She was being mean. She always was. But it worked and kept you in place where she needed you to be.

" right. Okay whatever " you pulled your clothes back on and stood up yourself as she headed for your door. But she stopped before she could reach for the handle, turning back around again.

She was curious about what had brought on tonight’s particular round of questions. They were getting more frequent.

" why are you doing this? " you raised an eyebrow clearly urging her to elaborate " this... trying to- we agreed no strings. This only works if we stay that way. If you listen " it was your turn to scoff and you folded your arms.

" I think you ruined that yourself when you turned up here with a bag of illegal shit last month Tess. You’re the one that pulled me into the shit you apparently wanted to keep me away from. So don’t give me that bullshit that this only works if you do this stupid fleeing act every time you come over here because you wanna fuck and forget "

She’d turned up with a bloody nose and her hood up, pushing into your apartment before you could even invite her in. She hadn’t known where else to go. She was tangled in a mess of some wannabe crime boss and had bitten off slightly more than she could chew. She’d thought going to you would be safe. There was nothing to link her to you, no reason why she’d go to you.

But 2 nights later you'd been jumped on your way home from a work assignment. You’d have died if she and Joel hadn’t turned up, Tess getting some strange feeling that something was going down, deciding to go check on you only to find you blacked out with two thugs searching your pockets.

She had kind of been forced to be a little more open with you after that. Though she still wasn’t exactly an open book because if you knew everything? she’d scare you away she knew it. If you knew the stuff she did, the gritty details of how she and Joel had made their way up the ladder of command in Boston. They didn’t get where they were by trading friendship bracelets.

She had told you she'd regretted going to you the moment she'd arrived, that she shouldn't have put you in that position. That danger. Yet also convinced no one would ever suspect she would go to you. Yet someone had clearly followed her. And then you. In honestly she’d never been so scared for your safety like that. Or anyone’s for that matter. And that concerned her. Because she wasn’t supposed to care.

Yet she clearly was.

She’d stayed in your apartment for 2 days after the attack. Sitting like a guard dog at your door in case someone tried to break in. She didn’t think she’d actually slept at all in those two days. She’d tended to your wounds, watched out the window like a hawk, brought you food.

That wasn’t the actions of someone that didn’t care. In fact it was quite the opposite

" you know why I had to do that. The whole reason I came to you was because we had no strings. There was nothing to connect us " it stung a little. She could tell, something flickering across your face. But you were both used to it. Hurting each other " I didn't know someone would follow me. I didn't think- look I'm not getting into this tonight. I came here because I was stressed, you're meant to help me relax and right now you're just giving me a fuckin headache sweetheart "

" right because that's all I'm good for for you isn't it? Stress relief? I’m not a fucking toy you know! God you're a fucking dick sometimes Tess, pushing people around for your own fuckin amusement right? " now it was her time to be stung. Just a little.

She didn’t want you thinking that. But she needed you to. She’d rather you hate her and be safe than feel for her and be battered to a pulp by some nobody in a back alley.

And she knew even if you did hate her you’d never lock her out. She had you by the throat and both of you knew it. You were putty in her hand and she knew how to press and mould you to exactly how she wanted. And you let her.

" why do you care? " you laughed at that like it was the stupidest thing she had ever said.

" because I do "

" that's not an answer "

" yeah well neither is 'I'm fine' when you clearly aren't so I guess we're both even huh? " you'd got her there, her jaw clenching again. Maybe you both got off on the arguing like that. Maybe you liked pushing her buttons as much as she enjoyed pushing yours " do you care? Huh? Does that fuckin cold heart in there even know what caring is? "

" do you think I'd be here if I didn't? " she snapped and she'd got you. For once she truly had rendered you speechless with that it seemed. It was pathetic really. The absolute bottom of the barrel bare minimum and yet it made your eyes widen, soften.

" you don't act like it " all your anger had gone from your words. You sounded weak now. She didn’t like the way it made her chest ache. It made her angry. Annoyed. Annoyed that you kept making her feel.

" I saved your life and I protect you every single day. And this is my thanks? Damn sweetheart, who’s the one with cold heart now hey? " she said and walked over to you in a way that would have been intimidating if you didn't know her, if you didn't know she'd never lay an agressive finger on you. A way that would make anyone else back up. But you held your ground. Maybe it was still a little intimidating though, the way she saw your breath catch. But you liked that and she knew you did " you think only one person tried to get you? Just that one I saved your ass from in the street? These kind of guys don't just stop at one person " she gave it a moment. Let it sink in.

Let you know that she had been taking care of you without you even knowing it. Telling you she felt something without really having to say it.

She tucked her fingers under your chin and for a moment she almost wanted to kiss you. Seeing you looking up at her like that. So vulnerable and innocent. So far from what she was. But she didn’t. She never kissed you. Never on the lips anyway. That was too… intimate. Kissing meant feelings.

She couldn’t feel things. She couldn’t have you feeling things.

" I- "

" I have a lot of people that don’t like me. That want what me and Joel have " her voice was low, almost threatening. She needed you to listen, to shake you out of the mood you were in " you think you wouldn't be the first person they'd go for if they knew about you? They go for who they think will hurt the most. They find a weak spot and they break it "

" I didn't know " you whispered

" of course you didn't. That's the whole fuckin point. I stop things before you even know they exist. People. You know what they'd do to you if they ever got their hands on you? Is that what you want me to tell you? “

“ Tess- “

“ will that make you fuckin listen to me? Hmm? If I tell you about how they'd hurt you? Kidnap you? You think they’d go easy on you? You’re young. You’re beautiful. Do you need me to tell you how much fun they’d have breaking you? " her voice remained steady. Low. Intimidating. Of course she’d never let anyone do those things, she’d protect you with her life. But if telling you about was what it took to make you stop feeling things. Then she’d do it.

" Tess stop- "

" these aren't nice people. I don't deal with nice fuckin people. You really want to involve yourself in that? In my life? Put yourself at risk like that? "

" you're scaring me stop " you whispered, the message seemingly sinking in.

" good, it should fuckin scare you. So stop asking questions, be a good girl and do as you’re told. Okay? " she held your gaze for a moment before her eyes flickered away, her other hand slipped down around your waist and over your ass, giving a light squeeze. Solidifying the reason she was there, remind you the reason she had turned up at your door. Maybe more to herself than to you at that point" thank you for tonight " then she let you go and headed back for the door again, the moment over " I'll see you tomorrow sweetheart "

To your surprise you followed her out into the hall and she wondered if you were trying to lure her back in again. You always did love arguing with her.

" no. You know don't bother. Seeing as I'm so stressing for you, right? And I’m your weak spot right? Go see if you can find someone else to put up with you like I do " you said in a harsh whisper, not exactly keen on airing your dirty laundry in the hallway for your neighbours to hear apparently. She turned back to you as she headed for the stairs at the end of the hall, and couldn’t help the smirk that found its way onto her face.

You were cute when you were trying to be angry. Telling her to fuck off like you so often did when she made you mad or told you some home truths.

" you're funny " she simply said, knowing it would only wind you up further and made her way down the stairs, leaving you to stew on your anger with her for the night.

She knew you didn’t really mean it. She knew you couldn’t stay angry at her. That no matter what she said to you you would be waiting for her the second she knocked on your door again. And maybe that was wrong. Or toxic.

But it was also keeping you safe.

It was raining as she slipped out of your apartment building. It was barely past 7 and already pitch black outside, the winter rain icy against her skin. But she almost didn’t mind the dark. It meant she could hide better as she slipped through the back alleys, avoiding patrols with ease. She knew every rotation in her area like the back of her hand, and the other areas for that matter. So she made it back to her apartment undetected. Wet and cold. But undetected.

Tess walked into the dark of her apartment with a deflated sigh. Closing the door and tossing the keys onto the kitchen counter before flicking on the lamp, only to startle as she found Joel sitting at the kitchen table.

“ what the fuck Joel! “

“ well good evenin to you too “ she held a hand over her chest, feeling her heart hammering away as she took a deep breath to try slow it down.

“ I’m too tired for you to be sitting around in the dark you fuckin dick “ Joel simply shrugged and she felt his eyes on her as she rummaged around in the kitchen to find a glass, hoping a glass of water would steady her again “ why are you sitting in the dark? In fact why the fuck are you even here? Go home “

“ I had a headache. And I you know that is not a nice thing to say to a guest in your home “

“ guests are invited. They don’t let themselves in and sit in the fuckin dark and damn near give me a heart attack Joel “ she shed her wet jacket and sat down opposite him, noticing a welt on his cheek that hadn’t been there that morning “ the fuck happened to you? “

“ some fucker working for Farris happened to me “ Tess sighed and ran a hand over her face, a headache threatening to pool behind her own temples “ where the fuck were you? “ her fingers itched to go grab the bottle of whiskey she knew was in the cupboard above the sink. It would certainly make this conversation easier. But she resisted, knowing it would only make the headache worse tomorrow morning.

“ I was busy “

“ busy fuckin your little thing on the other side of 4? “ she clenched her jaw at the unsavoury tone he had. She knew what he thought of you. She knew that he just thought you were a distraction. But she also knew he wouldn’t prod too deeply into the harsher thoughts he had, because she had plenty of her own verbal ammo to retaliate with. At least her recreational activities weren’t damaging. Unlike Joel and his Oxy.

“ it doesn’t matter where I was. What matters is Farris is getting too big for his fuckin boots. And we need to be careful. We worked hard to get where we are Joel. I won’t throw away the last 8 years of work because some nobody wants to take over our smuggling lines. Alright? “ Joel raised his hand in some show of surrender, leaning back in the chair that creaked under his weight.

“ so what are we doin about him. Cause if what those fuckers that jumped me tonight said is true, your little doll over the way might be in for one hell of a weekend “ that peaked her interest. Her eyes flying up to meet Joel’s “ now I got your attention huh “

“ don’t fuck around with me Joel. What do you know “ he shrugged and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment.

“ Farris knows we’re the ones that killed the guys that went after her. Some test I guess. Seeing if she really was the way to push your buttons. I guess we proved it to him “

“ fuck “ she cursed under her breath, leaning her elbows onto the table and raking her fingers into her hair “ fuck “ she could feel Joel’s eyes on her, burning into her. She was becoming far too slack when it came to you. She was beginning to let her emotions cloud her judgement. And she couldn’t do that.

For one it was completely pointless to have the emotions in the first place. She was the one that had told you there would be no emotions. No strings. No nothing. Sex. And only sex. Two lonely people getting their required quota of human contact and that was all.

But she knew you had abandoned that. She knew that you weren’t strong enough to control your emotions and it was rubbing off on her. But she had to be stronger. She needed to be. She couldn’t be with you.

For one she was too old. Even the fucking wasn’t exactly the best of plans, she was holding all your attention when you could go out and find someone your own age. Someone a little less fucked up. But she was selfish. And she liked you. And she liked the way you looked at her. And maybe it was cruel to say, but she liked how you always came back. No matter what she said or how much she pushed you away. You always came running back to her again, which is what she always wanted.

She had noticed herself getting a little less… distant. She didn’t really want to push you away even though she knew she should. She wanted you around. She wanted to keep seeing you.

But it looked like that was starting to become impossible.

You didn’t deserve the life she was leading. She did things too dangerous for someone as sheltered as you.

“ well I’ll be damned “ Joel said after a few moments, shaking his head in what seemed to be amusement

“ is something funny? “ he seemed to debate saying what he was thinking. And she knew he wanted to say it. To say she’d caught feelings. Say she was stupid keeping it going this long.

“ you gotta cut that off Tess “ he said in the end, clearly avoiding what he really wanted to say to her “ You’re getting too tangled up in whatever the fuck it is you having going on with her. This isn’t you “

“ I know “ she whispered, resting her head in her hands for a moment “ I know “

She liked to joke and call you naive, but maybe she was the naive one. To think she could go along with someone like you this long and not get attached.

“ this shit with Farris is serious “

“ yeah Joel I fuckin know “ she snapped, sighing again and sitting back in the chair. She gathered her thoughts, pushed you to the back of her mind. And focused on the business at hand “ so here’s what we’re gonna do “

" fuck that's it. Good girl like that " there you were again. On your knees for her as if you hadn't told her to stay away only a week ago. Her fingers were tugging at your hair, guiding your head at a pace she wanted. Once again letting her use you as a way to relieve her stress. Letting her take what she needed and have the control. And you were a sucker for her so you did it every time.

So much you not wanting to see her again. So much for her telling Joel it was over.

In fact that was what she had turned up at your place to talk about. To tell you she couldn’t do it anymore, ready to make up some excuses that she’d found someone else. That she was bored. Any excuse that would hurt you enough to stay away from her for real this time. Ready to lie through her teeth and pretend you meant nothing to her in an attempt to keep you safe.

But you had all but jumped her the second she’d stepped into your apartment, clearly having a stressful day yourself and in the mood to please.

And having your head between her thighs one last time wasn’t something to complain about she supposed. Especially when you were touching her like that.

“ that’s my girl, fuck just like that “ she’d miss that. Miss the way you felt smiling against her, how your fingers felt inside of her, the noises you made.

She’d miss you completely. Not even just the sex. Your eyes. Your smile. Your fearlessness when it came to arguing with her, shouting back without a care.

But it was for your own good. And maybe her own too.

She didn’t last much longer, coming on your fingers with a choked moan and tugging probably painfully at your hair before going slack.

" that's really not why I came to see you you know " she said with a small laugh, pulling her jeans back on and pushing her hair from her damp forehead as the blissful feeling left her as quickly as it had arrived.

" could've fooled me " you cracked a smile as you said it and rose to your feet.

She’d really miss you smiling at her like that. Miss the way your eyes practically sparkled anytime you looked at her, clearly such strong admiration and affection that she almost expected to see cartoon hearts floating around your head.

" I'm serious " you sat beside her and she noticed the way you pressed yourself into her side. And she couldn’t help the way her arm fell across your shoulders, holding you there. Allowing herself that small thing before she pushed you out of her life completely " I just wanted to check on you. Especially after your pissy fuckin mood the other day "

" thank you " she shrugged and you were both quiet for a few minutes " are you in danger? Am I? " you asked quietly, looking up at her with those big sad eyes. She refused to hold your gaze.

" what? "

" what you're doing? Is it dangerous? The people who made you worried so you came to check on me, are they dangerous? " You kind of knew the answer already she was sure of it. She was a smuggler. It wasn’t exactly the safest job in the world right now. You knew she was dangerous and she dealt with dangerous people. She did dangerous things. But you clearly wanted to hear her say it to you. Maybe so you could justify the constant worrying you always did for her. The worrying she always told you not to do.

But it was okay. You wouldn’t worry for her after today.

" I’m handling it "

" and if you can’t "

" i can "

" but if you can’t " you pressed

" why are you so Interested? " she asked with a slight sigh, silently hoping she could’ve gotten a few more minutes of peace with you before the argument began “ you think I cant handle myself? “

" I worry about you " as much as you said it it still made her heart ache each time. Not many people cared about her. In fact she was certain it was just you and Joel. It was almost alien now " I always worry. I’ve seen you kill people like it was nothing and I wasn’t afraid, I was concerned you’d hurt yourself. You deal with FEDRA officers Tess. Any one of them could decide one day they’re bored and turn you in. I don’t wanna wake up one day and see your name on the roster for the public fucking hangings " you rambled it all out in practically one breath.

She didn't respond straight away. Simply kept watching you as the words continued to tumble from your mouth before you bothered to stop them. Not sure what she was supposed to say. She wished she could be like you. So willing to express yourself and so open with your emotions.

But this situation with Farris was big. And she couldn’t risk it. She had to stay on track.

" you shouldn't worry so much " you almost seemed like you wanted to laugh. She broke your eye contact, staring at the black screen of the long broken tv instead " I can take care of myself "

" I know you can... it doesn't mean I won't worry. And before you say anything I don't want to hear that stupid no strings conversation again " You turned her face to look at you, hand on her cheek. So tender with her. So gentle. No one touched her tenderly anymore. No one showed her care.

" Tess... " your voice was a whisper, trailing off as words seemed to fail you at the closeness of her face to yours. Her nose brushed against yours and she so desperately wanted to kiss you. She debated it for a moment, wondering if it would be so bad. She was still going to leave you. She was still going to break your heart, so what did it matter anyway?

But she feared that as soon as she did so nothing she could say would push you back. You would never let her go after you got the affection you had begged her for for so long. She couldn’t take the risk.

" don't " her voice stopped you before your lips could touch, low and almost warning, as her hand wrapped around your wrist.

" please " it sounded weak. Pathetic almost. It made her chest tighten. You were so desperate for love. For love from her. And she couldn’t give it to you.

" we can't. Not now. We can't " not now was probably a poor choice. It would insight hope. A half promise that the present wasn’t going to work. But maybe the future would.

" why? " she pulled away from you and got to her feet. Running away. Again. She had to. She had to get out of there before she broke completely.

" don't do this again for the love of god don’t give me this fuckin conversation again "

" why can't you just answer me? Honestly. Just tell me why you won't even kiss me for fuck sakes. Why won't you open up to me? Why do you keep pretending you care about me only to kick me to the curb again? "

" do you think I'd be here if I didn't fucking care? " her voice was rising and you knew you'd just fallen into the same routine of trying to talk and ending up in a fight. But maybe that was okay. That would help. Would make ripping the bandaid a little easier

" then stop pushing me away! The no strings thing? It’s bullshit! It’s. Bullshit. You think I could be like this with you for this long and not feel something? And I know you feel something too you’re just too fucking stubborn. And I’m tired of pretending I’m not in l- "

" don't. Don't you say it " she turned to you, finger pointing at you in warning. Brow furrowed as it always was " don't. Say it. You say it and I'm gone. I'm gone and I won’t come back " she couldn’t hear you say that word. She knew you were in love. Of course she did. But you’d never said it. And that would be too much for her. That would hurt beyond relief.

It would hurt you even more.

You held her gaze for a moment. Debating it. But you looked so tired. You were done clearly. Done listening to her. Done being pushed around.

" I love you " you said with a shrug, tears pooling at your eyes as you breathed it out despite her warnings, like it couldn't be contained any longer. It wasn't fair " maybe that makes me an idiot. But I do. And I won't pretend I don't anymore " tears fell down your cheeks then and she fought to keep her composure. To remain stony faced and cold.

Rip the bandaid Tess.

" you can't. You don't understand. Loving me is... I can't. You can't " she felt more flustered than angry, as if she'd received some detrimental information that was world ending. Her hand raking through her hair. She wanted to walk over, hold your face and wipe your tears. Tell you that yes you were so unbelievably stupid for loving her but she loved you too. She couldn’t “ i have to go “

" of course you do " you didn't follow her as she grabbed her jacket and headed for your front door

" You won't see me again. I'll make sure Joel keeps an eye on you. I’ll make sure you’re safe but. This is it. You won't see me again like this. Whatever this is… it’s done " she hesitated for a moment looking back at your sagged, crying form. It was pity she felt the most. She pitied you. You who had just told her you were in love with her. That you cared.

She wished she could tell you the truth. Tell you how she felt. But she couldn’t.

Rip it.

“ that’s. That’s the whole reason I came here anyway. Me and you it’s- look it’s done okay. I don’t wanna do this with your anymore alright? You don’t listen. All these emotions… we said no strings. And you didn’t listen. We’re done here “

" well good. I don't want to see you again anyway, don't ever come back here. Go find someone else to fuck! I don't want to hear from you again "

She didn't respond. Simply clenched her jaw and gave a short nod of her head.

It had been ripped.

It was done.

You despised her.

She left your building in a hurry, like the air inside was too confining and her chest felt too tight. Outside she took a breath, leaning back against the brick and closing her eyes for a moment.

“ fuck “ she didn’t know how she felt. Angry. Upset. Both “ fuck! “ she dropped her head into her hands for a moment, trying to steady her breathing before raking her hands through her hair and trying to compose herself.

She had important things to do. She had to find Farris and make this entire thing worth it. She braced her hands on her knees, taking a moment. And then she stood up and she left. She had to find him.

Tess didn't exactly recall how she'd ended up in front of your building. Brief flickers in her mind of her and Joel finally tracking down the bastard that had been threatening you, the almost blackout anger that was clouding the memories. Blood. And guns. And knives. the hammering rain against her skin. But she couldn't recall the entire journey properly, or the events of the warehouse in area 4. Just that she was now there. Rain dripping into her eyes, entire body aching now that her adrenaline had worn off. Some muttered excuse to Joel to take their stolen goods back home and that she needed to make sure you were okay.

She was convinced she’d taken a knife to the shoulder at some point, a dull ache growing stronger by the second.

But Farris was dead. And that was all that mattered. He was dead. He wouldn’t bother her anymore. Or you. You were safe.

She knew they were dead. That was a certain thing. They had made him suffer. Did the things she tried so desperately to keep away from you. But it was worth it. But other things she couldn’t quite recall, couldn’t quite separate the real from the make believe.

She just knew she had to see you. After all she’d done. But you still hated her. She knew that.

So she didn’t know why she was there. Or why she found her feet carrying her up to your apartment door. Staring at the metal 342 that had faded and tarnished over the the years.

You wouldn’t see her she was certain. You’d slam the door in her face and tell her to get fucked.

But she knocked anyway.

She wanted to explain. Explain how she had had to push you away. Be cruel. Because she felt so unbelievably undeserving of love, especially from someone as incredible as you. Because she felt you deserved better. Someone younger. Someone who didn’t do illegal shit every single day. Someone who could keep you safe.

But also… she just needed to be around you. To be in your company. To talk to someone other than Joel. He wouldn’t understand. But you would.

She knocked again. Before she could change her mind and turn around. There was some shuffling around inside your apartment, the sound of the key in the lock.

You opened the door only a crack, the security chain in front of your face. She almost smiled just at that. You'd listened to her and her worries for your safety. Your eyes fell on her and she waited for you to slam it back in her face, or tell her to fuck off and leave you alone. But you said nothing. You didn't even look that shocked to see her.

" I didn't know where else to go " her voice sounded far weaker than she'd been expecting, and as though she'd had to force the words out of her throat. She waited for the door slam. Or that bitter laugh you gave her whenever she'd pissed you off or said something stupid that had upset you.

But instead you closed the door softly, the sound of the security chain dropping and then re opened the door. You looked her up and down before reaching out your hand and gently leading her inside.

She must have looked a sight. Soaked from the rain and sporting a black eye. And a possible stab wound. But you didn’t comment on it.

She stood a little awkwardly as you re locked the door. Not knowing what to say at all

“ shit you’re bleeding “ you said softly, coming up behind her and placing a hand to her aching shoulder “ sit down. You’re making a damn puddle “

She sat at the table and shed her button up, your hand gentle as you pushed her tank strap out of the way and examined the wound

“ knife “ she said before you asked her, hissing through her teeth as you pressed at the tender skin.

“ stay here “ she watched you go into the bathroom, the sound of cupboards opening and closing for a few moments. She almost wanted to cry. Or scream. It wasn’t natural how nice of a person you were. How no matter how much she pushed you around you still helped her.

She didn’t deserve your help. Or your care. And yet you were giving it to her so freely.

“ I’m sorry “ she said when you resurfaced, hands full of stuff to clean her up.

“ yeah. I know “ you said quietly, dabbing at her wound a little harsher than probably necessary. But she deserved that

“ I can explain “

“ you don’t have to “

“ I need to “

“ I know. You do. You have a lot of shit to explain to me. But… not now Tess. I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve done. But you’re in no state to talk tonight. It’s okay. I can wait “ there was no malice in your words, no anger. She was taken aback by it.

She didn’t deserve you. She didn’t.

“ I don’t deserve you “ you gave a small laugh behind her and she glanced up at you as you picked up a needle and thread from the table.

“ you’re right. You don’t. But I’ve been known to have exceptionally bad taste in women “ she closed her eyes as you stitched her up in silence. And for once she felt like a weight was shifting off her shoulders.

She felt safe there. Protected. Cared for. Like all her emotions of the day, the last few months in fact, came rushing forward.

“ I didn’t mean what I said “ you sighed again behind her but didn’t berate her for trying to talk again “ I had to it- I did it because- fuck “ her brain refused to string a sentence together, still cloudy and frazzled from days of hunting Farris down. From the fight that had ended it all. From the lack of sleep.

Maybe she was hallucinating the entire thing. But the dull pain of the needle threading through her skin reminded her she couldn’t be.

“ you’re not yourself “ you said softly tying off the the thread and placing a gentle hand to her shoulder as you rounded her “ look at me “

You held her face in your hands, holding her head up so she had no choice but to look at you. She could almost see the cogs whirring away inside your head, trying to read her expression. But Tess was a notoriously hard nut to crack. Able to read a room in a second but impossible to read herself “ look. Tess. I’m serious. You don’t need to explain tonight. You can take your time. It’s okay. You don’t have to pretend to be something in here. It’s just me “

She closed her eyes and let out a deflated sigh. Maybe she shouldn’t have visited you tonight. Maybe she should’ve gathered her thoughts and tried in the morning when her brain would actually allow her to string together a coherent sentence.

“ I’m sorry “

“ I know you are “ her own hands came up to cover yours, looking at your eyes that were swimming with sympathy. Pity. From anyone else she would’ve hated it. But from you it made her chest tighten.

“ I don’t deserve you “ she repeated in a whisper “ I don’t. All that I’ve done to you all that I’ve said- “

“ shh. Not tonight. You can do your explaining. And your grovelling. In the morning. And before you protest you’re staying here tonight. Send you out like this fuckin FEDRA will capture your ass before you even reach the end of the street “

She did want to protest, she’d never stayed overnight. But she didn’t have the energy. Or the heart.

“ I’ll go find you some clothes yeah? “ you let her go and turned to walk away but she stood up and grabbed at your arm. You tilted your head to the side, a flash of confusion on your face “ everything okay? “

“ I will explain. Tomorrow I mean. I’ll explain everything. And I’ll grovel. I’ll do whatever the fuck you want me to until you believe that I’m sorry “ she took a step to close the distance between you both, cupping your face in her hands “ I was scared “

“ you’re not scared of anything are you? “ you said quietly with a smile on your face. There was a lot she was scared of. And most of those things boiled down to you. She was terrified of anyone hurting you. Terrified of losing you. Terrified of the way that you made her feel.

But she couldn’t find the words to tell you that. Not tonight.

So she showed you instead.

She leaned in slowly, giving you every chance to push her back and tell her not to. She wouldn’t blame you for it. But you didn’t. She kissed you in a way that could only be described as tender. Barely even touching her lips to yours at first, still waiting for you to shove your hands against her chest and tell her to get out.

But you didn’t. You stepped closer, you warm hands sliding over her bare arms and up to twist your fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck. So she placed a hand to your back, pulling you in as close as she could, pressing your warm body to her cold and damp one. It made you shiver and she wondered if it was from her rain soaked shirt touching you or because of the kiss.

She hoped for the latter.

She kissed you in a way she had never kissed anyone else. Slowly, passionately. Expressing every single word of affection she had kept from you into every press of her lips to yours.

she didn’t know how long it had been, just that you seemingly had no intentions of breaking away and she wasn’t about to either. So you kissed until her lungs began to protest, reluctantly detaching her lips from yours but not moving more than an inch or two away.

She’d lied to herself before she thought. That this was actually when you looked the prettiest.

“ I think that was a pretty good apology “ you whispered, your breath fanning onto her lips in a way that made her shiver “ you still have to grovel “

“ I’m aware sweetheart. I’m aware “

#tess servopoulos x reader #the last of us #tess servopoulos #tlou #tlou hbo #tlou Tess #the last of us fanfiction #Joel miller #x you #angst #fluff #smut #Anna torv

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