#i wish i could traumatize my computer back.
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if computers weren't so fucking expensive i'd throw mine against a wall more.
#vent#rant#delete later#oh? its a couple minutes before midnight and you're trying to submit a paper? awesome! i will not allow you to upload the document even#though its never been a problem before. even after you restart the computer and fix all the supposed problems#i will still do everything i can to prevent you from getting this essay in on time.#i wish i could traumatize my computer back.
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🎄 Tales from Camp Holiday Special 04 🎄
«« previous | masterlist | next »»
➮ bartender!Jeonghan × fem!Reader
wc: 8.1k
summary: Jeonghan is at work when someone sits down at his bar on December 24th and turns around to find none other than Y/N sitting before him.
genres/themes/au: angst (just at the beginning, I promise), fluff, smut; holiday themes; non idol au, bartender au
warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, alcohol consumption, mentions of mental health issues and traumatic past events, sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut!
taglist: @yoonguurt @wonw00t @aikisbbq @enhacolor @duchesskaren @sherituhhh @wonderfulshinee @gaebestie @drunk-on-dk @seokgyuu @salty-for-suga @aaniag @dnylwoo
join my taglists: main | TFC: Holiday Special closes when part 7 goes up!
Strikethrough means I cannot tag you.
MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED.
AGELESS BLOGS WILL ALSO BE BLOCKED.
a/n: I think Jeonghan's part was the most gut wrenching for me to write so I'm really excited to write another chance for him and Y/N. A chance for them to start over essentially! Thank you so much for reading! If you like this part, please reblog as it helps spread my stories around! As always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only.
smut warnings: unprotected sex (use protection lol), oral (kinda lol f receiving), fingering (f receiving), dirty talk, dom!Jeonghan, sub!Reader, Jeonghan is pretty pathetic and kind of impatient and he has to hold off from nutting too early 💀 multiple orgasms (f receiving, m receiving), creampie (yum), cumplay, orgasm denial (f receiving), overstimulation (m receiving), sex tape & pictures, and I think that’s all but as usual, if I missed anything, let me know!
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The only thing Jeonghan hated more than his job was his job during the holidays.
Bartending wasn’t the greatest career choice but he did make a decent amount of money and it was only temporary as he finished getting his master’s. He just hated the rush and influx of customers that the holidays always brought. With more customers came more money but it also came with more complaints and more drunken idiocy.
“How was class?” one of his coworkers, Matt, asked as Jeonghan stepped behind the bar, setting his bag down under the counter. “Exhausting,” Jeonghan replied. “I’m glad the term is over for the holidays.” Jeonghan moved around his coworker and to the terminal to clock in.
“They’re expecting it to be busier tonight,” Matt continued. “Busier than usual?” Jeonghan asked as he turned to look at him. Matt nodded. “The busiest night of the year,” he continued. Jeonghan snorted, shaking his head. “New Year’s Eve would disagree with you.”
Matt let out a chuckle. “According to Jerry, he thinks tonight will be worse than that.” Jeonghan shook his head, glancing over to the door where he saw a line of people waiting to be let in. “He always hopes it’s going to be busier every year,” Jeonghan replied.
“It’s just wishful thinking.”
An hour later, Jeonghan was mentally cursing himself and wishing he could take his words back as they seemed to have cursed him in his willful denial.
Not only was the club packed but every order that came through the computer was complex with the patrons ordering some of the more complicated menu items. He was partially cursing himself for agreeing to work the night before Christmas Eve shift. He usually had it off to do Holiday stuff in favor of working on Christmas Eve but this year, he agreed to cover Analiese’s shift and she would cover his Christmas Eve one.
It took another couple hours for the flow to die down but Jeonghan was still busy manning the printer, making drinks for all the orders that came through. It was his preferred station, meaning he could just do his work without having to interact much with the customers. Occasionally, he’d have to make a few orders for the patrons at the bar but more often than not, one of the other bartenders would have that covered, allowing Jeonghan to work in peace.
“It’s calmed down a bit,” Matt said as he walked over to use the terminal next to where Jeonghan stood. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ve had to piss for like two hours. Can you cover the bar for me?” he asked as he started to untie his apron. Jeonghan looked up and nodded. It had been a few minutes since an order came through the printer for him to make.
“Go ahead,” he replied. “I got it.” Matt thanked him and took off, ducking under the open side of the bar and disappearing into the crowd. Jeonghan turned, putting on a fake smile as he greeted the patron closest to him, asking them for their drink order.
Mixing was one of the few skills he’d managed to pick up in his initial round of college; going to house parties and learning which liquors tasted good together as well as the ratios. He honed his skills over a couple years and eventually got his first bartending job at a small hole in the wall. He didn’t get to experiment much with that job as most people ordered wells and beers.
His second bartending job was at an upscale restaurant, mixing drinks like cosmopolitans and manhattans. It allowed him to be a little more creative. It wasn’t until he got to his current job that his creativity really started to flow and he started mixing things together.
Jeonghan finished making a round of drinks for a group of friends gathered around the bar as Matt returned, patting him on the back before grabbing his apron. “Thanks, man,” Matt called over the music as he tied his apron back on and went back to work.
The next couple hours went by as Jeonghan had hoped. The night started getting later, turning into the wee hours of the morning. The club had started to die down, many of the patrons drunkenly stumbling out the front door to find their rides home. Jeonghan was wiping down the counter when he saw movement from the corner of eye.
He glanced up and he was sure his eyes widened comically. His lips parted as he felt his breath suddenly catch. He stood frozen on the spot looking at the person who had just taken a seat at his bar. Someone he hadn’t seen for a long time. Someone he’d just brought up on a camping trip with 12 of his friends. Jeonghan finally found his voice, speaking in a low tone that only two people could hear.
“Y/N?”
You looked back at him, failing to prevent the grin that spread across your face. You hadn’t changed much. You’d matured a bit. You looked much more confident and certain of yourself. You looked incredible. Jeonghan threw a glance at his coworker who was busy making drinks down the bar from him. Jeonghan approached where you sat slowly.
“What’re you doing here?” he asked as he stopped in front of you, holding the towel in both hands tightly. Your smile shifted from amused to sincere in the amount of time it took Jeonghan to blink. “I was in town and decided to drop by one of my favorite places,” you replied. “Although, I didn’t know you worked here,” you added, giving him a once over.
Jeonghan’s cheeks burned. Not from embarrassment exactly. He wasn’t sure why he felt heat spreading across his face and down his neck. What the hell was wrong with him? He was never like this? Was it perhaps because he felt ashamed?
Ashamed of how he left you? Ashamed of never speaking to or seeing you again? Ashamed of leaving you after everything that happened that summer? He couldn’t pick a single reason for feeling this way so he chose to accept all of them at once.
“How long have you worked here?” you asked, pulling his attention from the depths of his thoughts. “Three years,” he answered instantly. “When did you get back in town?” You chuckled softly at his quick response. “Last night,” you answered. Jeonghan noticed Matt starting to approach where he stood and cleared his throat quickly, turning his gaze back on you.
“What can I get you?” he asked, making you look up at him through your lashes. “A Manhattan, please,” you answered, lips threatening to pull into a smirk as you watched Jeonghan get to work, making your drink. He tried not to make too much of a show, making the drink without the flashy movements he normally did to impress patrons and increase his likelihood of getting more tips.
Once he’d finished the drink, he set it on a bar napkin in front of you and watched nervously as you pulled the drink closer. He watched as you picked the glass up and brought it closer to your face, no doubt giving it a sniff before taking a sip and setting it down. “Do you want to open a tab?” Jeonghan asked, quickly beating himself up for his lame question. You shook your head, opening your clutch and pulling out a few bills before handing them to him.
He started to turn away but caught himself when you told him no change, he thanked you, ringing up the drink and cashing it out, putting the change in the tip jar on the back counter by the terminal. He turned back around and started wiping down the counter again, gesturing to Matt to keep his distance.
“So,” he started as you took another sip of your drink. “How long are you in town for?” he asked. You smiled up at him. “A while,” you answered coyly. Jeonghan felt his lips pull into a smirk. “A while, huh?” he asked and you nodded, lifting your glass to take another sip. Jeonghan tried not to watch the way your lips moved or the way you licked them after taking a sip.
“And you’re out this late because…?” he continued, trailing off. “I told you,” you replied. “It’s one of my favorite places.”
The conversation between the two of you continued, briefly interrupted by Jeonghan helping Matt make drinks but the majority of the crowd had disbanded by this point as it was nearing 2 in the morning. The club would be closing soon and for once, Jeonghan found himself wishing for his shift to never end.
He let out what must have been a millionth sigh because you chuckled, looking up at him, chin resting in your hand and your elbow resting on the counter as you stared at him. He’d made a couple more drinks, enjoying your company far too much and watching the way you would pull the cherry garnish off the skewer with just your tongue. He had thought maybe you didn’t realize what you were doing but on the third time, he noticed the way you held his gaze as you did it and he knew you were doing it on purpose.
“Long day?” you asked, tilting your head like a puppy hearing its favorite word. Jeonghan scoffed, shaking his head. “You have no idea. I’m ready to get out of here,” he replied. It was only half true. While his feet did hurt and he was ready to go home, make some ramyeon and enjoy the rest of the night in the comfort of his apartment, he wasn’t quite ready to part ways with you.
“You’ve been at this for a while,” you commented, the smile on your face faltering as you studied his appearance. “The perks of working full time and pursuing a master’s degree,” Jeonghan replied sarcastically. “I live in a state of perpetual exhaustion.”
You reached across the bar, placing your hand over his. “I can tell,” you replied. Jeonghan gave you a tired smile. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “These bags are Gucci,” he added, gesturing to the bags under his eyes from many nights spent doing homework and case work instead of sleeping.
You snorted, pulling your hand away. “Only Gucci?” you asked. “No Chanel?”
It was Jeonghan’s turn to laugh as he shook his head. “Gucci is more affordable,” he replied.
“Oh shut up,” you said with a roll of your eyes. Your smile fell again. “But in all seriousness,” you said softly. “Are you okay?” Jeonghan felt his heart skip a beat, thumping in his chest erratically. “Uh, yeah,” he replied, turning his gaze away. “I’m fine.”
“You just keep sighing,” you explained. “I thought maybe something was bothering you and if so, maybe you’d like to talk about it?” Jeonghan looked back, meeting your curious gaze. “What time are you off?” you asked suddenly, making him almost choke on his own spit.
Before he had a chance to answer, someone else spoke.
“I’m sorry, miss,” Matt suddenly said from beside him, making Jeonghan jump. “Shit, Matt,” he hissed, placing his hand over his chest, feeling his heart pounding. “You nearly scared the life out of me.” Matt chuckled, patting him on the shoulder. “Sorry, man,” he replied before turning to look at you.
“The club’s closing soon.” You nodded with a smile. “Of course,” you replied, picking up your drink and downing the rest of it. Jeonghan turned to Matt, jerking his head as if to say ‘buzz off for a second.’ Matt seemed to understand and walked away to the other end of the bar, leaving Jeonghan to face you alone.
“About what you said before,” he said softly, making you look up as you collected your coat from the back of your barstool. “I really would like to see you while you’re still in town,” he continued, catching you off guard.
“Wow,” you said in faux amazement. “The Yoon Jeonghan wants to see me again?” you asked, making him groan in playful annoyance. “Don’t make a big deal out of it,” he replied, giving you a grin. “I’d like to catch up while I’m not working,” he added. “Okay,” you confirmed with a nod.
“Okay, well what time are you off?” There was that question again.
“You mean tonight?” he asked, looking at you incredulously. You nodded, seemingly unphased.
“Why not? Got plans tomorrow?”
Jeonghan shook his head. “The club’s closed on Christmas,” he explained. “So I’m free all day tomorrow.” You smiled at him warmly. “Then I’ll just wait outside for you?” you asked. Jeonghan’s eyes widened. “It’s probably freezing out there,” he protested. You shook your head.
“Well, I can’t stay in here,” you replied with a chuckle. “I’ll just meet you outside after you get off,” you added, grabbing your clutch only for Jeonghan to reach across the counter and gently take your wrist in his hand. “Wait,” he said quickly. “Let me see if my boss will let you wait in here instead of out in the cold.”
Luckily Jeonghan’s boss was an understanding person and allowed you to stay inside the club as Jeonghan and his co-workers shut down the business. You sat at the bar, watching Jeonghan count his drawer and finish putting in his tips.
“So, where did you have in mind?” he asked suddenly, making you look up from your phone where it sat on the counter, playing a rhythm game. “I thought we could just hit up a pojangmachas around here,” you replied. “Maybe grab some food.” Jeonghan smiled, picking up the money drawer and telling you he’d be right back. He was only gone a few minutes but upon returning, he untied his apron, making sure to take everything from it before stashing it and grabbing his bag from under the counter.
You waited for him to exit the bar, watching as he called a parting to Matt.
Once he joined you at your side, you studied his face at a much closer proximity. “And maybe some soju,” you added, making him look up at you with a confused look on his face. “Soju?” he asked curiously. “Why?” You reached up to run your thumb over the apple of his cheek. It was a simple gesture but one that made his heart skip nonetheless.
“Besides,” you replied, pulling your hand away. “You look like you could use a drink.”
The two of you exited the club, Jeonghan calling goodnight to the bouncers at the doors as he passed. Outside, the temperature had dropped tremendously, a wet sort of chill in the air, one that made his sinuses almost burn from the intensity of the cold. It didn’t take long for the two of you to find a mostly street lined with various food stalls. Most of the stalls had closed up shop as it was now almost 3 in the morning. The only stalls left open were the pojangmachas, covered stalls.
You led Jeonghan over to one of the larger ones, thanking him when he pulled back one of the tent flaps and followed you in.
Inside the tent was much warmer than outside with multiple industrial space heaters placed inside. There were a couple folding tables with folding chairs as well as a cart where a middle-aged woman sat on a bar height chair with a thick cushion. She was reading from some kind of magazine as you approached.
She glanced up at the two of you briefly. “Go ahead and sit down and someone will come by to take your order.” Although her tone was polite, she said it with an air of indifference that screamed ‘I couldn’t care less if you complain.’
You did as she instructed, moving to one of the tables by a space heater and setting your clutch on the table. Jeonghan set his bag on one of the chairs and shrugged off his coat, his eyes moving towards you at the same time. He’d only just noticed what you were wearing and had half a mind to cover you up with his coat.
You were wearing clothes typical of clubbing; high strappy black platform pumps, a fitted silver dress with ruching on the sides and a halter neckline. The back of the dress was open, showing off more skin than Jeonghan thought comfortable, especially in colder temperatures.
You hung your coat on the back of your chair, moving to take a seat. As soon as your butt hit the chair, Jeonghan stood over you, placing his long coat on your lap. “Just in case,” he murmured before taking a seat beside you in an attempt to shield you further from prying eyes.
“What a gentleman,” you replied jokingly. Jeonghan rolled his eyes despite his cheeks starting to heat up again. He didn’t even have time to quip back with some witty comeback before a man with a bored look on his face approached the table.
“What can I get you?”
You glanced at the small menu in Jeonghan’s hands. “Some eomukguk,” you said, glancing up at the man. “And kimbap. What about you?” you asked, looking up at him. Jeonghan let his eyes wander the menu before looking up. “Kimchi-bokkeumbap, please. And some soju,” he replied, looking up at the man who nodded and walked away.
You took the menu from him to look over it closer, allowing Jeonghan the freedom to do with his hands as he pleased. He opted for resting them on the surface of the table, lightly drumming his thumbs on the hard plastic to a beat in his head.
Silence washed over the two of you making Jeonghan want to curl up and hide. He’d never felt so awkward in all his life. “Huh.” he heard you chirp in something akin to mild amusement and curiosity. “Hmm?” he hummed in response, looking at the menu when you showed it to him.
“They have dakkochi with cheese,” you whined, showing him the menu. Jeonghan chuckled as the man returned with a bottle of soju and two glasses. He brought two large bottles of water, setting everything on the table. Jeonghan caught him before he walked away. “Could I add to our order?” he asked to which the man nodded wordlessly.
“Could we get some dakkochi with cheese please?”
The man nodded once more, without speaking, and walked away. Jeonghan turned to find your gaze on him already, your expression unreadable as you studied him. “What?” he asked as he picked up one of the bottles and moved it close to you before opening his. You shook your head, looking down at the bottle and opening it to take a sip.
Jeonghan grabbed the bottle of soju, turning the label to read it before nodding his head.
He offered to pour your shot first and after twisting the cap off, he filled it to the brim, making you grimace. You glanced at him as he poured his own shot, not filling it nearly as much. “You did that on purpose,” you muttered, making him look up an expression of feigned innocence on his face.
“Did what?” he asked. You gestured at your shot glass. “There’s no way I can pick that up without spilling it,” you murmured, noticing the mischievous glint in his eye. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he replied, picking up his shot glass and waiting for you to follow.
With a sigh and a roll of your eyes, you very carefully picked up the shot glass. “Bottoms up,” he said before downing the shot with ease. You had a harder time, needing to move carefully so as not to spill any alcohol on you or his coat that was still on your lap.
You managed to swallow all of it, only spilling a tiny bit onto your hand which you quickly licked off and set your glass down. Jeonghan had noticed you licking the alcohol off your hand and his thoughts were suddenly consumed with images of your tongue running along the underside of his--
His thoughts were interrupted as the man returned, carrying the food you both ordered, setting it down on the table and asking if you needed anything else. Jeonghan shook his head, thanking the man who merely nodded and walked away. You smiled at the steaming bowl of eomukguk and immediately reached for a skewer.
Jeonghan started stirring his bokkeumbap, glancing over at your bowl before grabbing one of the small plates and spooning some of the rice onto it. He set it back down in front of you without a word and immediately dug into the dish. Your cheeks burned at the show of affection and thanked him softly.
The two of you ate mostly in silence, sipping on water and downing shots. The first bottle of soju went quickly and another one was brought to your table without you even needing to ask. You were happily munching on your chicken skewers when Jeonghan spoke.
“I never got the chance to apologize,” he started. You looked up at him. “It’s okay,” you replied after swallowing. “No, it’s not okay,” Jeonghan replied, looking back up at you. It was hard to miss the pain in his eyes. He must have held onto the hurt he felt he caused you all those years ago.
You reached across the table just like back in the club to place your hand over his.
“Really, Jeonghan,” you said, saying his name for the first time tonight. It sounded just as heavenly now as it did back then. “I’m okay. At first, yeah, I was upset,” you explained. “But I didn’t stew in it. I picked myself back up and I moved on. And sure, maybe I cried over it a few times but at the end of the day, we both knew that whatever was going on would end. We were young,” you continued.
Hearing the fact that you cried over him, over what he did, made his stomach sink. He moved his hand out from under yours and placed it on top. “I am so sorry,” he started but you shook your head. “It’s in the past,” you reminded him. “Stop living in the past. Focus on what’s happening now.”
Jeonghan met your gaze, your eyes flitted between his, looking back and forth as if searching for something specific in them. Something you hoped to see. Without speaking, Jeonghan raised his hand from the table, cupping your face and sliding his thumb over your cheek.
His heart nearly melted as you leaned into his touch. You were both startled out of your bubble by one of the men at the other table sneezing. It made you jump and Jeonghan pulled his hand back quickly, as if he’d been burned. He coughed a couple times before taking a drink of water.
And as you expected, he changed the subject.
“So, you didn’t tell me exactly how long you plan on staying in town,” he said quietly, glancing up at you.
You looked back at him, swallowing your food before speaking. “Just a while,” you replied. You gestured at the bottle of soju, silently asking if he wanted another shot. He shook his head. “What does that mean?” he asked. “What does a while mean?”
“I dunno,” you said with a shrug. “It means a while?” you added, glancing over at the only other occupied table, making sure they weren’t paying attention before grabbing the bottle of soju and pouring yourself a shot, shushing Jeonghan when he pretended to gasp. You quickly set the bottle down and reached over to slap his arm.
He raised his hand, pretended as if he’d been shot and made a face of extreme pain. You threatened to hit him again, cursing under your breath as he started to whine. You glanced over to see one of the older men at the other table look over his shoulder at you. You bowed your head in a silent apology before looking at Jeonghan who just smiled, laughing maniacally to himself.
“You’re such a menace,” you whispered. Jeonghan swallowed a gulp of water before fixing you with a perplexed stare. “I’m a menace?” he asked. “Look at you,” he added, gesturing at you. You glanced down and back up, shrugging and shaking your head as if to say ‘and?’
Jeonghan scooped up some more bokkeumbap, eyes moving back to meet yours as he opened his mouth slowly and took the bite. You looked away as he made a completely innocent thing mildly suggestive. “See?” you hissed. “Menace!”
Jeonghan covered his mouth as he chuckled before swallowing. “I just like to see you squirm,” he replied softly. “But really,” he continued. “You’re calling me a menace when you’re looking like that?” he asked, glancing up again. You met his gaze, heart skipping. ‘Was he… slut shaming you?’
“Don’t get me wrong,” he started, as if reading your mind. “You look incredible,” he added. “But god does seeing you like that make me want to do things to you.”
You weren’t sure if you were meant to hear the last part and upon glancing at him and finding him staring at you with a smirk on his face, you knew he meant for you to hear him. How did he expect you to respond to such a sexual remark? And more importantly, how did you want to respond?
The heat pooling in your belly spurred your decision to egg him on. See where he would take this.
“Oh yeah?” you asked softly, looking up through your lashes at him. “Like what?”
The smirk on Jeonghan’s face only faltered for a moment before growing. “Shall I tell you?” he asked, leaning forward as he propped his elbow on the table, resting his chin in his hand. He had a sort of dazed smile on his face as he stared at you with those dark eyes.
“Or should I just show you?”
╾───────────────────⭒✧⭒──────────────────╼
How you managed to keep your hands to yourself in the taxi ride back to Jeonghan’s apartment was beyond you. As soon as the elevator doors shut, he was on you in a split second, pinning you against the metal wall of the elevator, hands on your hips as his lips moved fervently against yours.
The doors dinged, announcing the arrival to his floor and Jeonghan all but dragged you out of the lift, steering you down the hall to the door to his apartment. He fumbled with the key, unlocking it after a couple tries, only for you to pull him in, shutting the door behind you.
You stood in front of the door, lips locked, tongues battling for dominance as his hands roamed your body and yours grabbed the lapel of his black wool coat. “Wait,” he murmured, pulling back to look at you, pupils dilated even in the dark room.
“I can’t let this go on without your consent,” he murmured, lips ghosting along your jaw and down the side of your neck. “I’m here, aren’t I?” you asked softly. Jeonghan shook his head, straightening up to stare you down yet again. “No,” he replied.
“I mean, yes. Yes you are here. But I need to hear you say it.”
You rolled your eyes before pulling him closer, lips brushing against his and making him pout when you didn’t kiss him. “I want this,” you muttered, brushing your lips against his again, making him chase your mouth, desperate enough for your kiss that he whined.
“I want you, Yoon Jeonghan.”
Your words had a profound effect on him and he groaned, backing you into the wall beside the front door.
“I’m sorry,” you heard him murmur, his body pressing you against the wall. “I’m so, so sorry.” You shook your head, tugging on his hair to make him pull back and look at you. “Don’t,” you said softly. “Don’t apologize. It doesn’t matter anymore,” you continued, looking up at him with glossy eyes. “You’re here now.” Jeonghan groaned, leaning back in, his lips crashing against yours.
You let out a groan as his hands moved down your body, fumbling to undo your coat. “I’m here,” he repeated, words muffled by your lips. “And I’m not going anywhere.” You shook your head as he failed to unbutton your coat. “Neither am I,” you replied.
Your hands replaced his, undoing the buttons one by one before you shrugged the coat off, letting it fall to the floor, leaving you in just the silver backless dress. Jeonghan grabbed your hips, spinning you away and pushing you against the wall, his hips pressing into your backside.
He slowly started to pull at the tie at the back of your neck, savoring the reactions your body gave him. He paused, lowering his head to press his lips against your shoulder, lips parting as he let his tongue glide over your skin before sinking his teeth into you.
You let out an almost pornographic moan as he bit you, spurring on the rolling of his hips against your ass as he rutted against you. His fingers made quickly work of your halter, untying it before his hands slid down your back to grab your hips, the material of your dress bunching under his hands.
He spun you back around to face him before his hands moved up to where you held the dress up to cover your chest. “Don’t hide from me,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss you, his hands moving to yours and pulling them away. The top of your dress tumbled down, stopping at your waist.
His hands moved up, cupping your now exposed breast, sighing as you arched your back into his touch, your hands tangling in his dark locks. Jeonghan’s hands moved back down, pushing your dress further down as he littered kisses all over your neck and collar.
You allowed the item to fall to the floor, stepping out of it as Jeonghan pulled you from the wall. Your hands slid down his chest, working to undo his slacks and push them down, stumbling over a forgotten shoe and giggling as Jeonghan grabbed your waist to steady you.
“Careful,” he hissed as you stood up straight. “I really don’t want to spend Christmas in the ER.” You leaned into him, pulling him into a kiss. “I’ll be careful,” you promised as you leaned against the back of the couch. You grabbed his shirt, pulling it up over his head and dropping it to the floor to admire his lean body. “You’ve been working out,” you noted as his hands tugged at your shirt, pulling it up over your head as well.
“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other,” he reminded you. “I’ve been going to the gym for a while.” You giggled as he pulled you up into him, kissing you as his hands settled on your hips. “I don’t think we’re going to make it to the bedroom,” he murmured in between kisses. You shook your head.
“No,” you replied. “We’re not.”
You giggled as Jeonghan leaned forward, making you both tumble over the arm of the couch, him landing on top of you. “You didn’t think this through, did you?” you asked as you tried to scoot under him. He shook his head before pressing his lips against yours.
“When did I ever think anything through?” he asked with a smirk before sliding off you and the couch, moving to kneel in front of it. “Sit up,” he instructed. You scrambled to sit up, giggling as he grabbed your hips, pulling you to the edge of the couch. “Don’t tease,” you whined as he kissed up your stomach slowly.
“I’m not,” he pouted before his hands moved back up to your chest, settling under your breast as he searched your face for any sign of apprehension. When he saw none, he continued. A loud clunk made your head whip around in the direction it came from.
“Eyes on me, angel,” you heard Jeonghan say softly, taking your chin in his hand and turning your head to meet his burning gaze.
“Good girl,” he murmured. You opened your mouth to retort but let out a soft sigh as you felt his tongue lave over your nipple. His hands still on your hips as he nipped at and teased the bud. Your back arched, pressing your chest further against his face making him chuckle against your skin.
You felt one of his hands run up your back as the other stayed on your hip. “Not so mouthy now, are you?” you heard him murmur and looked down to meet his gaze once again. “No but you sure are,” you retorted, making him laugh as he pushed you back. His hands slid down your hips to your thighs, pulling your panties with them.
You lifted your feet as he pulled them off entirely and tossed them aside, hands moving under your hips to pull you closer to his face. “It’s been a while,” he admitted, glancing up at you as you reached down to comb your fingers through his dark tresses. “You never did this before,” you replied. “Not for me, anyway.” Jeonghan cocked his head. “You sure about that?” he asked and you nodded.
“I went down on you,” you reminded him. Jeonghan shrugged, grip tightening as he leaned in. Without another word, you felt his tongue lick slowly and glanced down at him, finding him already looking at you with hooded eyes. “Holy shit,” you gasped, the sight of him alone making your walls clench around nothing.
Jeonghan chuckled more to himself as he broke eye contact to look down at your heat. “Doesn’t take much, does it?” he asked, referencing your already leaking slit. “I barely touch you and your body is ready for something to fill it,” he added, one of his hands moving, fingers tracing around your entrance.
He looked back up, meeting your gaze as he slowly sank his fingers inside you, burying them to the hilt as his lips parted. “So tight,” he muttered, looking back down as he pulled his fingers slowly until just the tips remained. He gingerly pushed them back in, watching as your walls sucked them in.
“So warm,” he added. You groaned as you felt them curl inside you, brushing against the soft spongy spot that had your toes curling. “So wet for me,” he added with a hint of amusement to his voice. Even years later, he was still teasing you the way only he could.
His pace was slow, too slow to build any tension but just enough to give you some friction. He could do this for hours and you knew he could. Even if your previous encounter had been nothing but rushed and the very definition of a quickie.
It was amazing he still managed to tease you like this, working you up so well years later.
Like no time had passed and he was a skilled and practiced lover.
“Shit,” you gasped as Jeonghan’s fingers plunged deeper into your heat. “Don’t stop,” you gasped, your hand in his hair gripping tighter. You wanted to move his face closer, wanting to feel his tongue on you but he held back, reaching up instead to grab your hand and remove it.
“I’d love nothing more than to taste you,” he started. “But ever since you sat at my bar, I’ve wanted to fill this sweet pussy with my cock more.” You groaned as he pulled his fingers from your cunt, leaving you clenching around nothing with a whine.
“You want to be on top or you want me on top?” he asked as he wiped his fingers on the blanket that had fallen to the floor with a mental note to throw that in the washer tomorrow morning.
“Surprise me,” you said with a smirk.
The moment the words left your lips, you regretted them. Jeonghan had you pinned down against the cushions as he guided the head of his cock to your entrance. “Shit,” he cursed, hesitating. “I don’t have a condom on me,” he murmured. “They’re in the bedroom. I could go get one--”
You took his chin in your hand. “Are you clean?” you asked, looking into his eyes. He nodded fervently before asking you the same. You nodded, letting go of his face. “And I’m on the pill. Just do it. Before we lose the moment,” you replied.
Jeonghan said nothing, instead pushing into you, a deep groan leaving his lips as he slid in easily. You let out a whimper, head falling back against the cushion as his cock slowly stretched and filled your walls. The stretch was more than you remembered but it wasn’t painful.
When Jeonghan stopped moving, you heard him whisper a string of curses.
“When I said you were tight, I didn’t realize you were this tight,” he hissed. You hiked your leg higher, allowing him to sink deeper, making him shut up with a moan as his head fell into the crook of your neck. “Shit, okay,” he breathed, his breath hot against your skin, a thin layer of sweat starting to form.
“Can you move already?” you whined, trying to shift your hips but he put his weight down on you. “I’m trying not to cum, stop moving!” he hissed. You whined, body going still under him as you waited for him to regain his composure.
Watching the way his brow furrowed as he held off his own orgasm was kind of cute in a way. You took in the way his hair fell around his face, the ends with a slight curl. The long hair was growing on you.
“Alright,” he finally said, raising his head, sweat beading on his forehead. “I think I’m good.”
You opened your lips to respond but your words faltered as he pulled back and thrust sharply into you, making you gasp as your walls gripped him tightly. “If you keep doing that, I’m not gonna last,” Jeonghan groaned, hips stalling. “We’ve barely even started,” you whined, moving a hand up to brush his hair back.
“I underestimated you,” you heard him whisper as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. “Feels too good,” he added, his breath hot against your skin. “Jeonghan,” you whined impatiently. He groaned as he raised his head. “Fine, fine,” he murmured, pulling out to thrust back slowly, setting a steady pace.
“Fucking hell, Y/N,” he growled. You felt his fingers dig into your thigh, hiking your let up around his waist as he leaned deeper into his thrusts, the sound of skin against skin starting to fill the room. A thin layer of sweat started to cover your body, feeling equal parts sticky and wet.
Jeonghan pulled back to look down at you, his free hand moving to your face. “Don’t hold back,” he muttered, freeing your bottom lip from between your teeth as you had been holding back your moans. “There’s no one around to catch us this time,” he added with a smirk.
You let go, letting out a loud moan as you felt the head of his cock bump the soft spot inside your cunt. “Oh god,” you gasped, one hand moving to grab his arm, squeezing his bicep. Jeonghan took note of your facial expression and the fluttering of your walls and angled his thrusts, aiming for the same spot again and smirking wider as you gasped out again
“Right there, yeah?” he asked, his voice breathless. “Y-yeah,” you mewled, back arching as he hit the same spot repeatedly. “M’gonna cum if you keep doing that,” you whimpered, thighs squeezing his waist. Jeonghan surprised you by stopping completely, your orgasm ebbing away like the tide.
“What the fuck, Jeonghan?” you hissed as he pulled out of you completely. You tried to prop yourself up but squealed as he grabbed your arm, pulling you up and pushing you onto your stomach over the arm of the couch. You had no time to ask what he was up to when you felt him reenter you from behind, setting into a heavy and relentless pace immediately.
Your breath was knocked out of you with each powerful thrust, mewls and moans tumbling from your lips. “Oh, fuck, d-don’t stop,” you moaned, lips parted. Jeonghan growled, wrapping an arm around your chest and pulling your back against his chest.
“I should have had you like this before,” he whispered in your ear. “In my cabin. Not in some half rundown boathouse.” You let out a squeal as you felt Jeonghan’s cock plunge deeper into your cunt. “I shouldn’t have just left--”
“Stop,” you gasped. Jeonghan’s hips slowed. “No, don’t stop that,” you replied quickly. “I meant, stop talking about that.” You let out a moan as he resumed his merciless pace. “Right. We can talk later,” he groaned. “For now…” he trailed off, free hand slipping down between your thighs, fingers finding your clit with ease.
“I want you to cum,” he whispered in your ear. “Cum for me and then I’ll fill you up.”
Your walls clenched around him, your orgasm approaching as he drew you closer and closer with each thrust. “That’s it, come on,” he muttered. “Let go, angel.”
You let out a whine, feeling his hips stutter as you came, walls gripping him tightly. “Fuck, that’s right. Keep going,” he murmured, continuing to fuck you through your climax. “Good girl,” he said softly. You felt his grip relax, sighing in relief as he carefully set you back against the armrest, taking one of your arms and pinning it behind your back.
“Hold on tight,” he continued, his free hand gripping your hip, fingers digging into your flesh.
You didn’t get a word out before he started pounding into you, cries falling from your lips with each drag of his cock against your walls. “Fuck,” he hissed. You felt his cock twitch inside you, his own release drawing closer. “M’not gonna last,” he moaned, his grip on your arm tightening as he held you in place.
“Don’t stop,” you gasped, using your free hand to push yourself back against his thrusts. “Come on,” you continued. “Fucking cum.” Jeonghan let out a growl. “You want me to cum?” he asked. “Want me to cum inside you, claim this pussy as mine?” You nodded fervently. “Yes,” you replied. “Give it to me, please. Want it so bad!”
Your words seemed to do the trick, pushing Jeonghan over the edge as he came with a groan, hips coming to a halt as he buried his cock inside you, releasing deep into your cunt. “Shit!” he hissed. You pushed back, fucking yourself on his cock as he continued to pump you full of his cum.
“Shit, Y/N, stop,” he stammered, body twitching. “Fuck, babe, stop,” he repeated, letting go of your arm and holding your hips still. “Sorry,” you whimpered. “Felt too good.”
Jeonghan let out a breathless chuckle before leaning over your back, pressing a remarkably gentle kiss against your shoulder before pulling back and watching as he pulled his cock free. He leaned back to get a better look, almost smirking deviously as some of his cum started to spill out of you.
“Can I take a picture?” he asked suddenly, making your head snap up. “What?” you asked, looking back over your shoulder at him. “It’s just for me,” he added. “I want to remember this,” he continued, nodding down at your cunt. You contemplated it for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, go ahead.”
You felt him scramble off the couch, walking over to where his pants lay on the floor and pulled the device from his pocket, moving back behind you to presumably take a couple pictures.
You felt his hand on your ass, his thumb spreading your lips before his fingers moved, pushing into your cunt, making you groan. “What’re you doing?” you asked. “Pushing it back in,” he replied. “Some of it spilled out.”
You glanced back, seeing his phone still in his hand. “Are you filming this?” you asked softly and he nodded, tapping on the screen before setting his phone on the coffee table. “Sorry,” he added. “I couldn’t resist.” You caught an eyeful of his cock, standing proudly again.
“You wanna fuck it back into me?” you asked, making him look up to meet your gaze.
“Can I?” he asked, to which you nodded.
“Sure,” you replied. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere any time soon.”
You weren’t sure how you managed to go another two rounds with Jeonghan, each time ending with him filling you with even more of his cum but finally, he tapped out after moving to the bedroom to continue. You chose to hop in the shower, knowing his cum would slip out while you slept.
After cleaning up, you joined him back in bed and passed out.
The next morning, Jeonghan awoke to sunlight pouring into his room through the blinds and blinked himself awake. He rolled over, hand reaching for you but found the space you’d previously occupied empty. His heart skipped a beat, pounding in his chest as he sat up quickly, looking around.
‘Oh no,’ he thought as he scrambled out of bed, throwing off the covers. He was grabbing a clean pair of sweats when the smell of eggs met his nose. He pulled on his pants and walked over to the door that stood slightly ajar, pulling it open and stepping into the hall.
He padded down the hallway and into the living area where he found you, wearing one of his old oversized shirts as you stood at the counter. “Morning,” you said with a smile as you cooked. Jeonghan’s lips pulled into a crooked smile as he moved to sit at the kitchen island, watching you work.
“Why are you smiling at me like that?” you asked as you stirred the contents of the skillet. Jeonghan shook his head, resting his chin in his hand as he watched you. “Nothing,” he murmured. “I could just get used to this.”
“Used to this? What, me cooking?” you asked with a snort. Jeonghan nodded. “And seeing you in my clothes,” he added with a chuckle. You rolled your eyes as you started to plate the food. Jeonghan heard the sound of a key in the lock and internally panicked. You looked up at him with wide eyes.
“I thought you lived alone,” you said as he turned towards the door and watched in horror as the door opened and Seungcheol entered, dropping his bag by the door as he looked up at Jeonghan, excitement on his face. “You’re never going to guess what happened to me last night,” he said as he walked forward.
“We got drinks and then- oh!” Seungcheol started, pausing when he caught sight of you in the kitchen in Jeonghan’s shirt. “Hello!” he added, glancing between you and Jeonghan. “Who is this?” he asked, looking at Jeonghan whose cheeks started to grow warm. He’d been caught, metaphorically, with his pants down and now he was going to have to come clean to his best friend and roommate.
“This,” Jeonghan started, glancing at you and then back at his best friend. “Is Y/N.”
Seungcheol smiled, looking at you before the realization dawned on him and his eyes widened comically. “Oh! Y/N?” he asked, turning to Jeonghan. “Like… the Y/N?” Jeonghan glanced quickly at you, noticing your furrowed brows. “The Y/N?” you asked softly.
Jeonghan forced an awkward smile, turning to you. “How would you like to eat breakfast in bed?” he asked with a pointed look. You glanced between him and Seungcheol. “O-okay,” you said, looking every bit as confused as you sounded. Jeonghan motioned for you to pick up the plates, saying he would follow shortly.
He turned to Seungcheol as you headed for his room.
“Don’t touch the blanket or the couch,” he said quickly. “I have some cleaning to do,” he added, starting for his room before stopping to look back at Seungcheol who made a face of disgust as he looked at the couch. “We’ll talk later,” Jeonghan added, pointing at Seungcheol who nodded.
Back in his room, Jeonghan shut the door and moved to sit beside you on the bed.
“Sorry about that,” he murmured as he took a plate from you and started to dig in, complimenting your cooking skills. You thanked him as you finished your bite and swallowed. “So,” you started, gathering more eggs on your fork. Jeonghan looked up to meet your gaze, a smug smirk on your face.
“The Y/N?” you asked, a hint of amusement in your voice.
“Just how many people have you told about me?”
ⓘ Graphics made by me. Content and support banners made using a template by cafekitsune. I do not allow reposts, translations, or continuations of my works. All writing and graphics are ©️ kwanisms.
#svthub#ksmutsociety#seventeen scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen fanfiction#seventeen fanfic#seventeen smut#seventeen x reader#jeonghan scenarios#jeonghan imagines#jeonghan fanfiction#jeonghan fanfic#jeonghan smut#jeonghan x reader#tales from camp holiday special
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“It was only six feet,” muttered Dick.
“What did you just say?”
Dick sighed and rubbed his face. “I know you woke up in a grave and it was very traumatic for you, but you’re acting like this is the only time it had ever happened to anyone. You just had to dig straight up. Do you hear me complaining about it?”
"I'm sorry, did my ongoing trauma from being beaten to death and then waking up in a confined box make you feel uncomfortable, Dick?"
"You just keep going on about it like you're the only person who has ever experienced this. It sucks. No question. But getting out for you was basically on easy mode."
"It tore my fingernails off. I almost SUFFOCATED."
"That is part of being in a coffin, yes Jason."
“What are you talking about?” Tim walked into the room, towelling his hair dry from his shower.
“Being buried alive.”
“Digging myself out of my own grave.” Jason and Dick answered simultaneously.
“Well which is it?”
Jason glared at Dick. “Digging myself out. Dick here thinks that I’m blowing things out of proportion by being slightly upset about that building partly collapsing on me tonight.”
“Well, that is a conversation I can’t contribute to, so I’ll leave you both to it and go to bed.” Tim dropped the towel in a laundry basket and started to walk away.
“Tim,” Dick reached out to catch his arm. "What do you mean, which one?"
Tim shrugged a shoulder. "Well the only insights I have about being buried alive are 'sit tight and wait for rescue and slow your heartrate so you're not using so much oxygen' so I don't really think I need to be here. Good night."
"When have you ever needed that? And if you did, you didn't try to dig yourself out?" Jason said skeptically. "That's your view? Stay in one spot and wait for help? Because trying that in Ethopia worked so well for me."
"I was under a concrete slab. There wasn't much that I could do."
Dick tugged Tim around to face him more fully. "And when was this exactly? I don't remember that case report."
"It was during AzBats; that's why you haven't read it. And I was fine. Steph eventually got me out."
They stared at each other. Dick looked away first. "I wish you'd had more support back then."
Tim smiled, one side of his face quirking up. "You had your own problems."
"Wait a minute. Back up. When was this?" Jason interrupted.
Dick looked back at Tim. Tim rolled his eyes up slightly. "When Tim here was a little baby Robin. Thirteen or so."
"Excuse you, I had had my fourteenth birthday by then. I had my licence."
"Oh I'm sorry, when he was fourteen years old. And far more grown up."
"That's right."
"You were buried alive under concrete?" Jason sounded incredulous.
"It happened. Why, did you think you were the only one? Dick once tunneled out of a grave sideways and almost fell off a cliff into the sea."
"I didn't think you knew about that time," Dick said, his voice soft.
Tim grinned. "You left some notes in your own computer system about it."
"Stalker."
"You like me that way."
"You've both also been buried alive?" Jason threw his hands in the air.
"Mmhmmm." Tim yawned and stretched, walking towards the stairs.
"As I was saying, it can get a bit tiring listening to you go on about it," Dick added, following him.
"I DIED!"
"Yes and you never ever let any of us forget it." Dick slung an arm over Tim's shoulder, then turned his head back to look at Jason. "Want some hot chocolate before bed?"
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YAN!FUTURE!DONNIE X READER!!
∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆
Heeeeeeyyyyy guess whose back!
This is a part of I guess this series of one shots I got going on. →This post can explain more←
This is the image I used for Donnie in this one. ↓
Art isn't mine but the design is radical!
Sorry this took so long. Honestly I almost didn't post it cause I didn't like how it came out. Like I kept trying to fix it to how I like it buuutt, this was the best that I could do. I might try rewriting it or somethin'. I was just trying to change it up buuutt, I suck. Did my best with the proof reading. Probably could have tried to proof read it more.
Honestly this fic is pretty dark. Originally was darker.
Please no minors, 18+ only!(There's no smut or anything sexual, just a lot of technically triggering elements)
The meme in this fic is not mine I just found them on Pinterest and they were too good.
Read the creator's notes below for more!
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Humming computer fans and diligent typing filled the silent void in the poorly lit room. If not for the obscured ominous glow of the various monitors littering the labatory you would've believed you had gone completely blind. Having already lost the vision on your right to the slimy pink tentacle bastards who transformed your planet into the living Hell on Earth.
Guess religion was right about something. At The End of Days the devil came for the damned. And in spite of your mother's faithful beliefs, there was never a savior to come swop away the righteous to the selective pearly gates of the Heaven she had mindlessly prayed to. She was wrong. Her savior locked her out.
There would be no salvation. Not for anyone.
Instead for the first thirteen years after the Krrang's invasion you suffered. Everyone suffered.
Shit hit the fan and it splattered like a chocolate pie in bad clown gag.
Overnight the world you had grown up in changed for the worse. Blind to the way society crumbled and turned into a Mad Max film. Unaware of the great loss. Naive and young you weren't prepared for the grotesque violence that replaced your boring mundane life that you had taken for granted.
How you wish there was a way to go back.
Return to days where your only worries were filling out job applications to move out of your mother's abode and getting into a good college. Begging whatever deities listened to accept you to one of the variety of schools you had applied for. Preferably one more than five hundred miles away from the run-down neighborhood in the Bronx you lived in. You've always wanted to travel the country and college opened up that opportunity to do so. Had everything gone according to plan you would've started your first semester that following fall.
Though it wasn't meant to be. Instead you spent that lonely winter, grieving
" (Y/n) "
At the call of your name the chain that hung from around your neck clanked as a single (e/c) orb snapped out of its routine day-dreams to look towards the owner of the tired deep voice that had called to you. It was Donatello. Said ninja turtle kneeling at your side next to the cot you both shared.
Within the nest of sheets you retracted from the curled position you had been laying in on top of the bed spread. A multi-paterned stitched quilt gifted by one of the softshell turtle's brothers— you forget who; rested at your feet, unused. Protecting thin (skin tone) skin from the piercing cold was a worn pair of faded PJs that consisted of a dark green long sleeve with fluffy grey plaid bottoms. The odd attire didn't bother you in the slightest. When living in the apocalypse fashion hardly matters. If it was usable it was wearable.
Despite of your efforts to block the aged mutant out by focusing your lone (e/c) gaze on soothing else. The Large cold hand of Donatello's petting the top of your head was all your traumatized receptors could focus on. Three lengthy jade digits combing rouge strands of unkept (h/l) (h/c) hair away from their position in your face. Wandering fingertips skimmed over your missing right eye. Playing with the white medical eye patch that kept the old wound hidden. Had this been seven months ago you would've already been trying to bite the technological General's scared appendage off. Though now at this point you just let the mutant do whatever. You didn't care.
The same regard was held when the purple clad turtle observed you. Anything and everything that flashed across your face was cataloged by your analyzing capter's dark narrowed stare. A common occurrence that never faltered in its repetitiveness.
Exhaustion dominated the aged jade complexion of Donatello's. His expression would be read bored if not for the controlled obsession that lurked in pools of night.
You always did like his eyes. Even when they were hidden behind the dual frames perched on his snout. One half a traditional prescription lens the other a crimson infrared optic that provided extra assistance to the current wearer. Like a moth to the flame you were drawn to the night sky he held in those dark pools.
"You're wasting the food Mikey brought you" the softshell flatly chastised. Those same magnetic dark eyes that had been locked with yours turned away momentarily to retrieve something from beside him. The tattered greyish purple cloak he wore tied loosely around his sturdy shoulders draped forward revealing the silver cybertronic mechanical substitute for his left arm. A necessary loss for the cause he dutifully worked for.
You hadn't respond to his comment.
For a moment you began to sink back into your land of memories if it had not been for the scrapping metal of the fork against the plate that was now in the purple bandana wearing turtle's grasp. Stabbing at the rations that the commissary passed out earlier that day. At least you're assuming it's day. It's hard to tell when you never leave the underground base, let alone the prison of Donatello's lab that doubled as his quarters.
Back in reality something moist pressed against your bottom lip.
"Eat."
Robotically you obeyed.
You learned a long time ago that starving doesn't work. It was this or the feeding tub. At least this didn't hurt your throat. The ache in your esophagus from the experience lasted for weeks after. Bile threatening to rise if you focused any longer on the nightmarish memory.
Up till the plate was cleared the mutant continued to feed you. Picking at the dish's portions until there was nothing left. After which the adult ninja turtle placed the cutlery to the side before taking a corner of his faded cloak to wipe away the food residue left around your mouth. Repeating the same method with the plastic cup that sat precariously on the table to the other side of you next to the cement wall.
For a moment his calculative narrowed gaze stared at you before deciding something.
"...I have to go work on the faulty pump in the filter for the hydroponic system in the Agriculture Unit later...." Thick brows frowed together in an unsure manner upon his purple-clad forehead as he continued. ".....would you be interested in joining me for the endeavor?" The aged ninja finally prompted.
You didn't respond.
Had this been seven months ago you would've replied with an immediate yes. Not being one to look a gift horse in the mouth. Back then you would've thought somebody, anybody, would help you.
But if that were the case you would've been free already.
It wasn't necessarily a secret that you belonged to the purple bandana wearing brainiac. On the contrary it was a well known fact amongst the inhabitants of the base. It was just an unspoken topic. An issue that the Commander and the rest of the generals much rather sweep under the rug than to confront.
You learned it the hard way.
You had managed to get away somehow after Donatello first claimed you. Before the chained leash that pooled around you became a permanent fixture. In its place there had been a small amount of leeway the softshell gifted you. A fragile trust you didn't bother to strengthen prior to your attempt two months into your captivity. Maybe things would've been different.
You had told Donnie you were just gonna go to the commissary and get them some lunch. Claimed you were trying to be a nice, good partner. You didn't want to disturb the important work you were so proud of him for. Like a termite at Home Depo he ate it up. A bashful smile stretched across his jade complexion that was burnt red.
Playing the serpent who tricked Adam, you slithered from the technological garden of paradise. Departing with a false display of affection. Pride filled you from the phenomenal performance you gave.
Taking flight to the wind you ran down the Resistance headquarters hallways. Without meaning too you lost yourself around the twist and turns of unfamiliar corridors. Your limited vision and even less knowledge of the section's layout not being of much aid to your mission. Especially since prior to your imprisonment you hadn't ventured to this area since it was restricted to Resistance officers way above your ranking.
Though your plan was to run into someone. Anyone who could help you. You were gonna rat out that purple techno creep. He needed to pay. You were fed up with this stupid apocalypse.
Eventually after sprinting down the halls for God knows how long. You found your self face first into the plastron of General Michelangelo.
"Wwhooo! Slow down little missy! You're gonna give this old man a scare!" The greying box turtle joked even though you weren't very much younger than him. Catching your charging figure easily between rough moss palms. Out of breath you began spewing your story. Begging the mystic mutant to help you get away from his crazy purple coded brother.
"Oooohh, so yoouurr (Y/n)..." The youngest general gathered. Aged face scrunching up in a contemplative way, as if he was thinking. For a moment you had thought maybe the mutant turtle knew who you were cause somebody had reported your missing presence. Realized that you had been stolen by one of the very leaders they worked under. Unfortunately that was not the case.
"Yes! I'm (Y/n)! Your brother Donatello, he—"
"Said that if you got lost to return you to him!~"
What.
It was too late to retreat. You didn't even have the chance to react before the orange clad General had you on the ground. Wind punched from your lungs by the sudden force. Mouth mimicking a fish out of water as you gasped for much needed air. Next thing you knew your hands were bound behind your back by the same orange bandana wearing mutant you sought aid from. Kicking and screaming as the moss green Hamato sibling dragged you back to where you had started.
Entering the lab Michaelangelo greeted his flabbergasted older brother. Sporting a wide cheshire grin as he released his grip on you to only then in the same motion push your unbalanced wobbly stature forward caching yourself on Donatello's chest. Leaving shortly after with some sort of fucked up quip you couldn't hear past the pounding in your ears. Heart jackhammering painfully against your ribs. The beat too powerful for any other sound to break it's dominating rythem.
Were you about to have a heart attack?A stroke? You couldn't tell. You didn't think people your age had them.
Once left alone the white hot fury you had expected never came. No beating. Nor any dismemberment of a limb. There were no threats made for your dire transgression. No shouts or screams of possessive anger. Only unnerving still silence.
Somehow that was worse.
You lied. You tried to leave. You made a scene with his younger brother only for said orange clad sibling to drag you back like the dog who got out.
The first ten–fifteen minutes you both just stood there. There were no excuses nor pleading from your part. Just utter overwhelming suffocating quite. The jade and purple tattooed complexion of the General's who stood before you was drained to match snow. Face displaying a composed, conserved expression to anyone who was looking in from the outside.
Unfortunately for you it was always Donatello's dark eyes that gave everything away.
Hurt. He was undeniably wounded by the injury. You broke the thin veil of trust he gave you. You could have done whatever you wanted. As long as you didn't stray far from him. Stayed and supported him. It was all he wanted.
The softshell was so happy when you forged that lie believing the act to be true. Believing that you cared about his health and work. Being kind and supportive enough to trek and retrieve both of your guys' lunch. Except upon his younger mutant brother's arrival the fantasy he was living in was broken. It was all a lie. You deceived him. Betrayed the tempered trust that two of you shared. A thin string you willing snipped.
Saltwater streaks poured down in silent bunches as the aged ninja turtle lowered his head. He really thought you had loved him as you whispered sweet claims from soft deceiving lips that kissed his heated cheek a farewell. Departing with that smile that made his heart race. Donatello was hurt. And so the turtle did the only thing that would hurt you just as much as you had hurt him.
Had you known what he was going to do maybe you would've fought harder than you had.
No words were exchanged as the mutant scientist tied your jittery limbs to your paralyzed figure. Plastic white ties zipped painfully tight around (skinned tone) appendages. Though fear hadn't taken it's full course until the softshell began to secure a thick fabric around your head, blinding you. Finding the immediate endless world of black frightening.
"Please— don't do this— I-I'm sorry!" You plead as large cold hands slide a set of what you assume are noise canceling buds into your ears. You couldn't catch your breath. Your heart wouldn't still itself as it fought for space within your ribcage. "Please! I— mphmfh!"was all you could cry before lastly a gag was stuffed into your teriffied jaws. Based on the texture of the rough fabric you deduced it was most likely an old gym sock from the clothing bin. The worn garment scratched at the roof of your mouth making you taste cooper.
Donnatello hadn't planned to use this method this early on but, this was a lesson that needed to be learned. He was going to deprive you of your senses. Leave you lost just as he would've been without you. Maybe then you'd understand.
For some time you were just scared shitless. Frightful of the purple coded general's unknown intentions. Was he gonna torture you? Kill you and keep the body? The imaginary list was much more scary than the actual first quarter of the punishment . Thankfully nothing happened. The turtle left you be. Probably just watching you from his typical spinny chair from in front of the large monitor dominating the room. The motherfucker probably felt like Batman or some shit sipping on his coffee as you the Joker— fucked around in the holding tube.
When the endless darkness started to pick at your already aggravated anxiety you had tried to force yourself asleep to escape the void. However you found the effort quickly fruitless. Trapped without sound or any background stimulation aside from the limited range of touch at your disposal made the task feel impossible. Dissolving lines between real and what was not becoming harder to differentiate with every passing unknown second.
Attempts to keep your sanity felt futile in spite of efforts to keep the screws forming coming loose. Clawed (skin tone) palms and curling toes only did so much. When all else failed you felt only one thing could be done. You need to feel something. Anything. You couldn't do this anymore. The scratches in your palms did not suffice.
Doing what you felt was your only choice in your spiralling panic. You began to throw yourself around across the lab's tile floor. Using your upper body and knees you inch worm around the room. Purposely banging yourself into anything and everything so you may injure yourself. Feeding your starved receptors with whatever painful sensations you could produce.
Donatello was quick to remove the suppressors once you really started injuring yourself. Most likely calling it when the various wounds littered your (s/c) skin began to form. Following the path you had squirmed eyes like La Brea tar pits found speckles of crimson decorating a variety of the objects in his workspace. As if a baby crawled around repainting his lab with dots of red.
What a pain. Couldn't you have just accepted the punishment like an adult? Now he was gonna have to clean up this mess later. But alas just as many great minds of science had taught him. There was always a price to be paid for results. Maybe he should've just thrown you into solitary or made a modification or two to your Achilles tendons.... Next time.
Cold hands without delay discarded the ear buds and spit soaked sock. Your chest was still rising too fast. You were gonna puke if you stayed any longer in the dark. Though once the blind fold was discarded the softshell turtle's concerned expression was the first thing you saw. The sight of another instantly calming the bees stabbing your stomach lining. A flash of worry glimmered in those pools of ink. Only for the emotion to be consumed by the sticky black tar that lurked beneath.
"Did you learn your lesson?" The purple tattooed turtle questioned softly as he scooped your zip tied bound form into his mix matched arms. Combination of flesh and steel cradling you as he maneuvered towards his cot. Donatello was aware that you have one too but, recently the color coded general had been considereing just having you sleep with him. It'd save him space.
"I doubt it." he chided with a small grin that didn't match his eyes as he laid you down. Tucking you into his barely used sheets.
You didn't bother to request for him to remove the plastic bonds as exhaustion dragged you into the realm of slumber. Senses finally relaxing thanks to some stimulation. Allowing the phantom hand caresse the curve of your cheek as you drifted away.
When you awoke your injuries were bandaged and the plastic that had restrained you was gone. In the zip ties stead was a steel collar and chain hooped around the deadbolt installed in the cool tiled floor of the purple brainiac's lab. The same device you wore to this present day.
"(Y/n).... (Y/n)..."
"(Y/n)....."
"(Y/n)"
Oh no you got lost in your memories again didn't you? Based on the softshell's expression, your answer would be yes.
"(Y/n)... I think you should come with me when I go to the farming unit. I think it'd be good for you ....and maybe we'll even see Leon and Casey Jr. " Donnie soothed. His large cold hand returning at some point continued to comb the wild flyaways that tried to elude his threading jade fingers.
You didn't care. You bobbed your head. Listening but, not particularly agreeing nor disagreeing to anything as you went along with the general's wishes.
°°°°°°
In the hallway you and Donatello walked side by side. Your collar and chain were gone. Left behind in the lab due to the bondage being bolted to the floor. Not very mobile. Which in turn left you shackle free for the trip. Seven months ago you would've already tried to attack the turtle like the wild dog you were. You had been.
Now the tamed rescue, you leapt and barked without hesitation when commanded.
Like a good pup you didn't stray from your master's side.
Traversing through the base with the lumbering mutant was a quiet affair. No one bothered the two of you as the purple clad genuis led the way.
Here and there the technological general would make small talk by commenting about certain functions found throughout the headquarters along the short journey. Explaining uses of faculties and tech that had been constructed long before you ever stepped foot in the Resistance headquarters.
Long before you ever met the softshell who kept you prisoner in his room. Like a toy a spoiled child didn't want to share.
Pushing open the floppy doors to the Ag unit; bright UV rays burned your sensitive retinas that grew unconditioned to direct sunlight due to the dark room you were trapped in on a daily. Although unlike you, Donatello's dark narrowed stare remained unfazed by the bright light. Not even a stinge of discomfort upon disciplined matured features.
Artificial warmth even if false still felt soothing on your cold (skin tone) skin.
How you missed the real thing.
Missed the stupid picnics your mother would force you on. Laying under shady emerald trees in the smothering New York summer heat under a bright blue sky. Pouting as you watched your mother and brother played on the playground. You used to think those family outings were a waste of your time when you could be hanging with your friends or studying. Be anywhere but with them. How foolish you were.
A small frown laced your lips as you recalled the more peaceful days.
"(Y/n) this way" Donatello's voice called from in front of you. At some point having grabbed your hand to pull you closer to his tall stature as he escorted the two of you through the rows of growing produce. The tips of his long purple bandana tickled your nose but you made no complaints.
"Donnie over here!"
Onwards he directed you along.
Off in the near distance was the blue clad Commander. On his shelled back was a raven haired child that looked no more than nine.
"Oi! Casey Jr can you please be un bueno niño(a good little boy)!" The leader begged as the afro mentioned brown-eyed boy tugged at the long tied strands to his azure mask. Tighting the fabric painfully around his head. Giggling at his guardian's torment. "Nah! This is so much fun el anciano(old man) " Casey cheered, showing off a wide chipped tooth grin. A recent cosmetic development much to Leo's jargon.
Back and forth the two went as you and Donatello approached the comedic duo. The softshell grown a small grin on his normally uninterested expression.
" Thank Gram Gram you're here Donnie! The pump to the filter finally said capoot! And—"
"Yeah I know that's why I'm here." The jade colored turtle cut off his Commander.
Leonardo didn't mind his brother's injection. Smile still present upon olive skin.
"Alright-o dear brother-o! I'll leave you to it."
As the two siblings continued to chat over the needed maintenance, the raven haired boy leaning over the lumbering leader's shoulder stared straight at you. Eyes like teddy bear plushies bore into your being as they watched. Wide and impressionable. Brown judging spheres.
You could feel the bugs scuttling under your skin again.
"(Y/n)..., (Y/n) are you listening?"
Breaking from the losing staring competition you were having with the nine year old. Knowing dark eyes like night drew your attention back to the mutant who was cradling your hand between his own odd pair.
Once the scientist was sure he had all of you here he repeated his directions. " (Y/n) I want you to hangout out here for a little while I work. The pump requires more attention than I had initially thought..." Jade eyelids closed for a moment as the mutant exhaled his stored breath. " ...if you need me you can ask Leo. He had said he and Casey had some things to do here for a bit anyways so he doesn't mind watching you."
You didn't care. It was just nice being outside that damn lab in general.
With the nod of your head Donatello allowed your smaller hand free from his mix matched grasp. " I'll be back soon. If you get too hot tell Leo and he'll take you inside to cool down." The turtle further explained. It was like he wasn't sure if he could depart from you. Even if he was only temporarily leaving you under his twin's supervision. He still didn't like the idea of not having you beside him as he worked. However the space in the room with the filter was limited. Although Donnatello would prefer to have you in sight. Genius does take a little finesse and he always performed best with space.
With one more glance the softshell turtle turned and left. Walking towards the small building far off in the corner of the massive underground green house.
Once gone you were left standing there. Unmoving like a puppet without it's puppeteer.
You guess you stood there for too long cause at some point the Leonardo approached and rested his palm on your clothed shoulder. Probably making sure you're still there before his olive palm spirited away.
Hands very much like Donatello's. Too much like Donnie's. The touch made you shutter. You hated it. You hated the jade turtle who did this to you.
Based on the Commander's look you could tell he wanted to ask if you were good. Though the question would be pointless when the answer was as obvious as the dirt that coated the thin fabric of your eggshell colored slip-on flats.
"Sensei why is that weird girl that General Donnie brought only got one eye? Is she a pirate?" Casey Jr inquired not aware of the offensive statement he constructed.
The blue clad leader flicked his retainee's forehead. Lightly punishing the child as he chastised the raven haired boy for the rude question. "Casey Jr that's not how we talk about people. Especially ladies. If you have a question you ask them politely. " The retainer informed. Dark onyx eyes too similar to that of his brainac twin's slid back to your cemented figure.
You were waiting.
With an awkward grin Leo proposed that you join him and Casey Jr on their check up on the Agricultural workers. You didn't respond, just nodding to whatever the aged ninja turtle had suggested.
Around the large farming area that had to be as big, if not bigger than old New York City's Grand Central Station. The red eared slider led you and Casey Jr around as he performed leader duties. The task not being that tedious if it wasn't for the raven haired kinder who wouldn't leave you be. The orphan kept asking too many personal questions for your taste. None of which you responded too. Though that didn't mean it stopped the nine year old from chatting your ear off.
For what felt like forever Casey Jr went on about, everything. There wasn't a single topic he stuck to. Bouncing from asking about how you knew General Donnie to do you always wear pajamas? What was your favorite food? Do you have any parents? What's your favorite game in the rec room?
The kid was gonna be the death of you if not the UVs that were starting to roast you. The faded winter sleeping attire you wore not necessarily the best outfit to be clothed in while under the artificial rays. Though you didn't complain. Didn't want to miss this opportunity to be outside of the technological General's lab.
You weren't ready to go back to the darkness. Not yet.
A single (E/c) colored orb found itself focused on the sudden opportunity presented.
You didn't have to go back as long as you did this right. You could be free. You couldn't fuck this up again. Not again. The anxiety of the looming punishment sat in the back of your mind. Giggling. A child-like tone mocking you for your thoughts of freedom. Reminding you if you escaped something worse could happen. Would happen.
Blood trickled down the (skin tone) surface of your chin. You had accidentally chewed your bottom lip to ground beef with your nervous tick, again.
Using the right sleeve of your pajama shirt you wiped away the oozing crimson fluid.
"Are you okay (Y/n)?" Casey's high but worried voice broke you from your scheming thoughts.
Looking down at Casey Jr's baby checks that had been holding a wide chipped smile instead thinned out into a tight frown. Wide brown orbs innocently peered up at you with concern.
For a moment you didn't reply.
Looking past the apocalyptic born child observing the interaction between Leo and the worker he spoke to. Gageing how much longer you had before the Commander returned from the discussion.
" I'm fine... but, ....do you think you could help me with something Casey? "
°°°°°°°
When his softshell twin asked him if he could watch (Y/n) while he worked on the hydroponic filter pump. The red eared slider was not gonna lie, he was not looking forward to the task. Already having his own gremlin running a muck the last thing the blue clad Commander wanted was a creepy-ass robot following them around.
However whenever it came to Donnie and (Y/n) being involved in the same situation there was hardly room for argument. Leo was the leader of the Resistance he swore that he'd do his best to help end this apocalypse and to do so he needed a functional base. That entailed having a controlled food supply, functioning weaponry, dormitories, facilities— the works. If anything was to go down. The blue bandana wearing mutant only has one reliable individual who could repair, design, modify— you name it. In less time than a whole team of engineers and mechanics he could whip up— combined. Only Donnie could do it. It's cause of the afro mentioned scientist and his inventions that the Krrang hadn't taken them out yet. The aged blue bandana wearing turtle wasn't actually sure how long they could fend off the pink tentacle armada without his softshell twin.
The thought keeps him on edge sometimes— what if the turtle passed or chose not to use his gift the way he does. They'd be screwed in the long run. The turtle imagines it would be similar to that of ant colony walking into a spider's nest. The carnage would be unsalvageable. They'd have to use the last resort.
He couldn't afford for shit to go sideways.
And sometimes if that meant sacrifices... for the greater good so be it. It was something the mutant leader wasn't proud of.
Leo isn't even really sure when the purple clad mutant even met (Y/n) or how. Donnie kept mostly to himself. Never straying far from his lab and a working coffee machine. So the fact the caffine addicted nerd met someone, let alone a girl. Truly made the phenomenon a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes.
He knew what he was doing when Donnie made his ultimatums. It was (Y/n) or no base. The softshell mutant was aware the kind of game he was playing. How it would affect everyone. So many would be lost because the adult ninja turtle wanted to throw a tantrum. Leonardo was ashamed but, it was necessary. He had to give in to the mad scientist's demands. The olive skinned mutant would like to say he had no choice— But he did. And he chose to keep the Resistance alive rather than allowing you to be free. He couldn't. Donnie wanted you and so you were the purple clad General's. There was no room for negotiations. The softshell was always stubborn like that. He played the odds in his favor. He'd let the whole base crumble if it meant he couldn't have you.
And for the last year, that was that.
Leonardo knew that Donatello was keeping you in his lab and that at some point over the last twelve months the workspace began to double as the jade turtle's quarters as well.
Only discovering the new development when visiting his purple color coded brother one day. The blue bandana wearing leader doesn't remember what he had gone to his sibling's work space for but, once inside he found the usual cluttered layout. However off closer to the far wall in the direct line of sight was the (Blonde/Brunette/Raven or Scarlet Haired/ Etc) tribute his brother had demanded for.
This had been when the (e/c) eyed woman still had her own bed. Though at some point after your escape attempt that had been thwarted by Mikey. He remembered because of the presence of the steel restraints that you typically wore when in Donnie's laboratory.
In the corner you were laying down. Hands obviously bound behind your back. The (h/c) haired captive probably scratched her neck raw again. His theory only confirmed upon closer inspection. Beneath the steel collar a dressing of white gauze. Though that wasn't the only injury. Like a Christmas present you were wrapped almost head to toe in the cotton bandages. Most likely caused by other attempts to break free from your bonds which backfired. Resulting in Donnie just further inhibiting your mobility.
Sometimes he doesn't understand why the softshell turtle did what he does. If he loved you, why did he let you hurt yourself like this? The technological General's plan was to rid you of your will. Like the mustang in stables he was gonna break that need to be free. You would be his. The aged purple coded mutant wouldn't accept anything less.
It was creepy how his sciencey twin doted on his feral captive. How even when discussing the condition of the base the crippled mutant still gravitates towards your curled up figure. In spite your attempts to chomp off his jade digits the Donnie still continued to glide his fingers through (h/c) strands. The action was bizarre to the red eared slider. He couldn't relate but if this kept the softshell from throwing the headquarters into the destructive hands of the Krrang. So be it.
Which brings Leo back to the current task at hand. Watching both Casey Jr and his brother's captive as he did his patrols of the agricultural production. He needed to start getting a feel of the ratio amount of crops so he knew how to plan for the Resistance's future. Winter was gonna be coming soon and scavenging in the snow was not an easy feat. Especially with pink tentacle freaks and the assimilated around every lurking corner up on the surface.
Leo was sure that this was gonna be a pain in the shell however to his surprise he found some entertainment out of the one sided conversation Casey Jr was having with you.
Regardless of the lack of your response, the raven haired boy kept bombarding you with rounds of endless questioning. Like twenty-one questions but, with more like five hundred-fifty-five questions. It was hilarious. Many times as he was communicating with his subordinates he would over hear Casey Jr spout something random. Comedic prompting caused the mutant leader to muffle his chuckles on a few occasions. The action earned him a raised brow or two from a couple of agricultural workers.
Everything was fun and games, until it wasn't.
Leo had been strolling down one of the many select rows of dirt walkways onto the next location he needed a report from. He had been listening to his live comedy show when he noticed the lack of quips from his adolescent charge. That's when he peeked over his broad shoulder, only to find nothing but the dirt path beneath his feet. Casey Jr and (Y/n) nowhere to be found.
That's when suddenly shit turned into a real life Lou Jitsu movie with a plot twist that kept the viewer at the edge of their seat. Except for Leo this wasn't a Lou Jitsu movie. He fucked up. Shit wasn't just gonna line up and all his problems would be solved. No. Hot Soup he had to solve this himself. The Resistance Commander gripped the inside pockets of his loose fitted beige pants. A small amount of anxiety rose at the possible implication of the duo's absence meant.
Now the blue clad mutant was aware he was the sharpest tool in the shed but he knew some things. For example, you wanted to leave. Casey Jr knew how to leave the base. Leo taught him in case of emergency if the red eared slider himself or someone else wasn't present to assist the child. Said afro mentioned charge wanted you to respond to his pestering. And the Resistance leader was distracted by the comedic routine and his patrols to notice the disappearance of the two-man comedic troupe he had been chaperoning.
The grown ninja turtle knew what you were doing. If his hypothesis was correct—
You were trying to use Casey Jr to escape.
The blue bandana wearing turtle internally scolded himself for his stupidity. He knew you wanted to escape. He shouldn't have let his guard down just because of your meek unresponsive domineer and his humorous charge.
Donatello was gonna kill him if he didn't find you before the purple clad mutant was finished repairing the pump. Which at this point was any minute.
Taking a deep breath of air Leonardo calmed his startled nerves. The mutated Commander had no reason to stress. He could handle this easily. Reminding himself that he taught Casey Jr how to flee from the base. If that truly was the case this retrieval should be a walk in the park.
Cursing his luck under his breath the olive skinned turtle dashed off in the suspected direction that you and Casey had traveled. Unaware of inky orbs following his brother's retreating figure. Ignorant to the irritated displeasure that burned within the tary pits.
°°°°°°°°
As a kid your mother the ever devoted follower— used to warn you about making deals with demons and wicked imps. They'd offer whatever you wished for just a simple price before snatching away your soul. Never would you ever reach the kingdom in the clouds with her and your brother Ethan(I know so creative). Now adult, you knew that stuff was a crock of shit— but as a starry-eyed child with all the hopes and no crushed self esteem, you believed it. Though now as you traversed through disgusting sewer waste you can honestly say that it was a possibility. How else did you end up in this mess? You rolled the dice with the jade devil and now you couldn't pay.
"(Y/n)? .....Were you even listening?"
Without even realizing it you drifted off into your thoughts again an occurrence that only seemed to become more frequent the longer you stayed in that base. In that lab. With the purple bandana wearing turtle who betrayed your trust.
Hopefully after this you wouldn't have to worry about that mutated swindler ever again.
"Sorry.. I was just thinking about something...could you repeat what you said again?" You asked glancing down at your miniature guide, a tight smile presented on your (skin tone) face. It's been a while since you had to play nice.
It was selfish but, you had no other choice. You'd never have this opportunity again. You only had one way out. No one else was gonna help you. Push came to shove you were willing to do whatever it took to flee from the purple clad demon who wouldn't leave you be.
" Dios miós! I-iii aaasked why you're tryinna' to leave this base? Isn't everyone like, tryinna' to get in the base not out? " The doomsday child inquired. Emphasizing his question with a dramatic arched brow and one big questioning eye. The expression very animated. The kid likely picked up the look from a old salvaged comic from the Resistance headquarters' communal library.
Not prepared for the sudden insightful line questioning from the nine year old who up until now had been just asking whatever seemed to pop into his head.
With a forced grin you replied. "You wish." Teasing the now pouting child before continuing. "Though if you must know. I'm gonna go see some family." You lied releasing a tired exhale as your sole (e/c) orb looked around the seemingly empty canels that Casey was accompanying you through. Claiming that he only knew the way based on the look of the surroundings. How he tells the difference between one gross wall from another gross wall slightly boggled your head. Though if it got you out of this cement prison you didn't care.
For a moment as the two of you walked side by side the raven haired child peered up at you with a squinting gaze as he absorbed your answer. Another cartoonish action that made the corner of your lip slightly curl.
"Hmmmm... Alrighty! I can understand wanting to see your family. I lost my mother when I was young but, Leo and his brothers always make me feel right at home!" The young child perked as he grinned up at you with that wide chipped grin of his.
You missed this type of interaction. No fighting or an obsessive purple bandana wearing turtle lurking. Just two normal people just having a plain conversation. No commands or shifty deals. Just one person leading the other to the long awaiting freedom you've desired.
These interactions with the teddy bear brown eyed boy become more challenging with each quip the child spoke. Insects were drilling into the flesh under your skin again. Burrowing into the empty casket of your missing soul. Thriving on what is left of your sanity as they scuttled around in the memories you didn't want to face.
Somehow peering down at the chubby cheeks and scruffy black hair of Casey Jr's that didn't resemble Ethan in any way— still made you think of your deceased younger sibling.
He had been only eight years old he was the first to go out of your happy family trio. It had happened when the Krrang had first opened their portal. Neither one of you were prepared for the earthquake like shake before the ceiling of your mother's apartment collapsed and crushed the two of you under crumbling rubble. When you came to after pushing crumbled drywall from on top of yourself and searching for your younger sibling. All you found when you searched through broken pieces of your childhood home was blood. You couldn't lift the interior support beam off of where you had presumed Ethan was. The steel was far too heavy and your palms were too coated in the surrounding sediment to be able to lift the remaining pieces. You couldn't do anything. Unable to fulfill the role of the older sibling.
For hours you bawled as you had tried to wait for your mother's return. She had been at work when the Krrang attacked. You never did find out what became of her. You always did hope that she got away and somehow was doing well. Even if the reality is she most likely got assimilated or killed. You still always prayed she was doing good.
You just wanted to see them again. Go back in time and re-live the moments you carelessly spent. Fights and words you wish could be taken back. Reclaim wasted opportunities that you'll never have again. How you wish you could tell them you loved them both one last time.
"(Y/n) were here."
At the sound of Casey Jr's squeaky voice your lone (e/c) orb found presented before it was a waterfall of sludge that spilled over into a thirty-five foot drop. Leading down into what appeared into a bay of the same icky substance rushing past your soaked flats. An
With a cheeky grin the raven haired boy pointed down into the pool below. "This is it, the end of the line for me!" The boy quipped before continuing. "I can't go any further with you but, if you keep following that tunnel down there you should be out of the sewers in no time!" Casey finished with a smirk arms crossed over his tiny chest as he explained the directions. Obviously proud himself for remembering his Sensei's words.
" Thanks... " You grinned awkwardly. Not particularly fond of the idea of swimming through god knows what.
"Goodbye Casey, ...thank you for showing me the out." A small smile grew on your face as you looked back at the nine year old only to see the cause of your nightmares standing silently in the background. Glowing optic reflecting in the shadows like a beast prowling the jungle.
Suddenly the spacious catacomb you've been traversing through didn't have enough air. Your chest clenched tight around the squishy organs encased in your ribs.
"(Y/n) are you alrig—"
"Casey Jr stay back!"
It was Leonardo, already at his charge's side holding back the nine year old from advancing any further into the situation that no longer included them. Donatello already approaching forward with the same air of confidence he always carried. Expression studious and sharp. Although the purple tattooed turtle did not display it— he was fucking furious.
"I should've known you would do this to me, (Y/n). " The General dryly chuckled as he edged closer. Every bold step forward the purple bandana wearing ninja took, the closer your shaking legs stumbled towards the slimy edge of the trash filled waterfall. In his three fingered grip a pair of steel cuffs. The kind you see in the movies except from the look of the bulky things. The ones dangling from Donatello's right hand were real.
Fuckfuckfuckfuck— Things were moving too fast. Your rampaging pumping muscle was going to explode. Panicked breaths filled the range of sound your anxiety allowed at you honed in on the jade demon in front of you.
" I should've never made that deal with you... you lied to me. You knew that my mother was dead— YOU KNEW!" You cried as your lone (e/c) eye flashed back and forth between the cracking edge you stood on and the softshell who stood before you. "You fucking lied to me! You played me just so I would stay! I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
Panting you learned forward, (skin tone) palms resting on your knees. Never breaking eye contact with the aged turtle who although appeared collected was everything but. Narrowed black eyes filled with so much anger. Though still allowed you continue.
"I... -pant-....will never.. -pant- ..fucking love you. You were a mistake. Any feelings I ever had for you were a mistake. I wish I never had met you. I wish I fucking died when you rescued me on your stupid scrap run those months ago..." Straighten your stature you gave the infuriated jade turtle one last look as you smugly looked him dead in the eye.
"I wish whatever fucked up God had chose to taken General Raph, ....had instead killed you..." You calmly stated. Laughing as you continued. Silent tears finally falling out of your last good eye. " Hahahaha— the only reason— you are soooo important enough to still be alive is because your older brother decided to give his life for all of you sick fucks! I pity his sacrifice— maybe at least if he was still here he would know how to handle shit instead of giving into an overgrown spoiled brat like you!"
Silence. No one made a peep. The only sound that broke through the thick tension in the tunnel was the rushing sound of the sewers water that at this point has successfully drenched the legs of your muck covered plaid bottoms.
In the background the fearless blue bandana wearing Commander's emotions were all laid out on his nonexistent sleeve. He was hurt, pissed, and over all he just looked disturbed with the overall conversation.
Meanwhile Casey Jr shielded his face into his Sensei's plastron. Quite sobs choking the boy as his tiny hands griped onto his Commander's beige pant leg like his life depended on it. Terrified of the situation that didn't make sense to the child. The sight made your heart ache just a little bit.
Donatello didn't say anything. He didn't do anything just bore holes into your soul. You had opened your mouth to continue berating the purple clad asshole who's kept you in his fuckin' lab for the last year. Forced you to sleep next to him. Locked you up like a dog when you tried to run away.
However the jade mutant beat you to the punch.
"Shut up. Don't you dare even say another fucking word. "The aged ninja seethed, closing the space between the two of you in a blink of an eye. His left metal palm shooting to grasp your according bicep, tightening his grip around the tender flesh.
" I don't ever want to ever hear you mention Raph's name ever again. You don't fucking deserve to say it. You're so ungrateful and pathetic it just makes everyone around you laugh at your stupidity. Are you really trying to leave the base? Me? For what? Just so you can go fucking kill yourself out there? I saved you. I'm supporting the human race even when all the facts say I shouldn't. That I should've given up on this stupid apocalypse alooong time ago but, I didn't. I had wanted to when we had crossed paths for the first time. When I rescued you, I changed my mind. Why can't you just be grateful!?!?" Donatello cried as he pushed you from the tunnels edge into the roaring murky waters below.
°°°°°
Beep...beep...beepbeepbeep
There she is.
The softshell will admit he lost a bit of his composure back there. He shouldn't have pushed you from that high of a point but, you just made him so mad. How dare you bring up Raph. You weren't there. You don't know what it was like on that battlefield. There was no winning, only retreat. You don't realize how much he wishes everyday that the one who had perished was himself not Raph. You don't realize. You're always so naive. That's why Donatello was here to keep you safe. It was for your own good.
There.
In the shallow waters was your water logged figure. Obviously you were out cold based off small rise and fall of your chest.
With a sigh, Donatello slid the projected screen from the monitor on his cybertronic arm. Deactivating the tracker that was implanted in your abdomen. Lucky for him had installed this little insurance a long time ago after one of your many fits just for this type of emergency. Finding the gadget handy in locating you both times. Not having to rely on his red eared slider twin's amazing capabilities.
Trekking into the shallow water the purple clad turtle reached down and retrieved your knocked out figure. Not caring particularly much about the condition of his loose dark purple pants that soaked up the surrounding water fairly quickly.
With a strong exhale of air the technological general retreated back to his base chastising you under his breath along the way. Once there the softshell would insure that you wouldn't have another opportunity like this again.
Like a true scientist Donatello learns from his mistakes and he'll keep trying until one of his punishments clicks. It's not like you won't give the techno demon the opportunity to do so. Not that Donatello minds.
After all where would science be without trial and error?
¶¶Creator's notes¶¶
Wazzup!
You guys made this far so you deserve the scoup on the next one-shot will be...
Drum roll🥁🥁
Yan!Future!Raph x Reader 🎉🎉
I don't have a picture for Future Raph but, if you guys have any good pictures saved hit me up I'm always open.
I have some ideas on how I want to do it. Though I could also turn it into a post movie sort of deal. Where it takes place after the events of the ROTTMNT movie. Thouughhh it's up to you guys. One person has already voted for some future Raph so we'll see what I come up with.
#yandere#male yandere#yandere x reader#rottmnt x reader#rottmnt x you#yandere rottmnt#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles x y/n#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles x reader#yandere rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise donnatello#rise donnie#yandere donnie#yandere donatello#rottmnt post movie#future fic#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt x reader#yandere tmnt x reader#yandere tmnt#tmnt x y/n#tmnt x you#male yandere x y/n#male yandere x reader#tmnt donatello#tmnt donnie#yandere x y/n#yandere x you#tmnt au
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OMGGGGG 23 and Sam and Dean <3333
23. in relief
"—and why can't they just say what they mean on the phone?" Dean continued as they got out of the car. "Why does it always have to be some shit like 'Can I see you in my office' or whatever? If you can call for an appointment, you can sure as hell just say it—"
"Dean," Sam said, cutting him short. "Deep breaths, man. It'll be—" He inhaled, as if convincing himself, too. "It'll be fine."
Dean paused. "And if it's not?" he asked, quieter, more afraid.
"Then we'll deal with it," Sam replied, wishing he felt as sure as he sounded.
He'd never had a brain scan before. It was surprising, in hindsight, how he'd managed to go through decades of hunting without ever getting his head MRI'd. Avoiding hospitals at all costs probably had something to do with it. Now, though, he was retired, and Dean had managed to get them the good insurance, and it was something he figured it was best to be ahead of.
Academically, he knew the dangers of sustaining constant knocks to the head, especially those that rendered him unconscious. He knew what frequent traumatic head injuries could do to a person over time. He was the one who'd made Dean watch that movie about the football players with CTE, the one with Will Smith in it.
On the other hand — he had never thought he'd live long enough to have to worry about the long-term side effects of head injuries.
"We're here," Dean said, and Sam came out of his thoughts to find that they were there already. He informed the receptionist about their appointment, she nodded politely, went over their insurance, and said the doctor would call them in soon, and then it was more waiting.
"Stop that," Sam muttered to Dean, who was moving his leg up and down at the speed of light.
"I'm not doing anything," Dean retorted, but stopped moving. Hospitals triggered him, Sam knew, kickstarted his anxiety like nothing else. Oftentimes just the smell of antiseptic... Sam knew Dean associated it with all their near death experiences, but sometimes it was unavoidable.
The doctor called them in only a few minutes later, thankfully. Sam couldn't help but feel relieved. He didn't think he could last another thirty seconds trying to stop Dean from tapping his foot against the floor. He knew Dean was stressed, but he was too, even if he was doing a better job of hiding it. He didn't think there was anything wrong with him... but if there was? Suddenly he wished he'd never made the appointment to begin with. Maybe it would have been better not to know.
Then he remembered the movie about CTE, and conceded that it was better to know after all.
"Mr..." The neurologist squinted at the file on his computer, and then back up. "Campbell. Good afternoon."
Sam returned the greeting, hoping his smile camouflaged his nerves. Dean, on the other hand, was frowning already, fidgety and restless, and suddenly Sam thought, it's bad news, it's got to be, how am I going to handle Dean?
"Oh, relax," said the doctor, smiling, "it's nothing bad."
Dean didn't look convinced.
"I have your results right here," he continued, and turned his computer screen so they could see the image of Sam's brain on it. "As you can see, there is nothing abnormal here. Everything looks clean. There's nothing to worry about, Mr. Campbell."
"You sure?" Sam asked, unable to help himself.
The doctor nodded. "Absolutely. You're very lucky."
Dean let out a short laugh. "Well, how about that," he said. "Lucky, Sammy."
And before Sam could react, he grabbed him by the back of his head and pulled him in, planting a hard kiss on his forehead. "Lucky," he said one more time, and Sam was unsurprised to see that his eyes were a little wet.
"Yeah," he whispered. "Lucky."
The page he'd torn out of the Black Grimoire sat heavy in his pocket. Sam discreetly balled it into his fist, crumpling it up, resolving to get rid of it as soon as he could.
Dean could never know.
#asks#trials era sam#ana#samdean#supernatural#my writing#ask game#I HOPE U LIKE IT <333 i kept it gen bc i know you prefer that <3
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Phic Phight Phic 7
Title: The Herbdle
Words: 972
For @phicphight
Prompt:As they grow more liminal, Tucker develops tech based powers. Sam, traumatized by Undergrowth, is afraid her powers will be plant based. (By @everystarstorm )
Summary: Amity Park has been contaminated for years now. People have started sprouting fangs and gaining pointed ears, but when Tucker and Jazz develope powers, Sam fears she is next.
AO3
It's been about three years since ghosts had been introduced into the lives of Amity Park. Since then, the town has been more and more polluted with ectoplasm. Such contamination has brought about certain phenomena such as people with slightly too pointed ears, or kids sprouting mini fangs, as well as tapetum developing in people's eyes, making them shine like a dog's eyes would in the dark.
For Sam, Tucker, and Jazz, the changes were more extreme. It started with Jazz, probably because she lived in the same house as the portal.
Jazz was going about her business as usual when she noticed extra sets of feelings in her head. She looked around to try and see if there's a ghost, but there wasn't any. Quickly, she ran down to the lab to run overshadow tests, but they came back negative.
When she got to school, she felt even more sets of emotions in her head. It was very overwhelming to say the least. She ended up going home sick.
Jazz ran some more tests on herself and learned she'd become an empath. The normal liminal could only sense ghost feelings, but Jazz could sense anyone's emotions within her proximity. It took a little bit for Jazz to be able to fine tune her powers, but eventually she was able to focus them on a specific person or people she's talking to.
Tucker was next. Tucker had been tinkering around with the Fenton's latest device in order to mask Danny's signature on it. He finished coding the masker and pressed for it to be uploaded. His computer was getting on in years, making the process infinitely slower.
Tucker was getting frustrated and started tapping the screen like it would shake the progress bar loose. He pressed the tip of his finger hard on his monitor and the screen went a light blue. What the?
Tucker told his friends the next day that he thinks he got some tech powers. When Sam and Danny didn't believe him, he pressed his finger on his PDA. Danny received a text on his phone saying, 'Then how can I text you with my mind?' Danny showed the text to Sam who's eyes widened. Tucker sent Sam a message this time saying 'See I told you I had powers'.
Danny and Tucker both decided they should test his powers after school. Sam scuffed her feet as she walked behind the duo to class.
"Are you alright, Sam?"
"Oh, yeah! I'm fine! I just remembered I got something to do this afternoon, but you two can do testing without me!"
Both of her friends looked at her with doubt and concern. The two minute bell interrupted their thoughts as the trio headed into class.
The school day was long and boring, and the boys were excited as ever to test out Tuck's powers. Sam wished them goodbye before heading home.
Sam set her bag down on her floor. First Jazz, now Tucker. She's gonna be next. She looked over at the plants on her windowsill. She didn't want to be next.
Ever since the incident with Undergrowth, Sam has felt a sort of connection with plants, a connection she was scared about. She never told the boys about this because they probably wouldn't understand NOT wanting powers. Now don't get her wrong. Before the whole taking over the town thing, Sam would've loved to have powers. But right now, she's sitting in her room scared of what her future holds.
She didn't realize what time it was until she heard a knock on her window. Oh right! Patrol! She quickly wiped her tears before opening the window.
"Are you red-Sam are you okay?" Danny's voice echoed. She put all her strength towards a smile and nod which apparently wasn't very convincing.
"That's it I'm coming in," Danny settled before floating into her room, "is this because you don't have powers yet? Because you know we don't care if you have powers or not cause you're our friend, Sam, and you're a very important member of our team!"
Danny was trying to support her, but he didn't know the issue. Sam hates feeling this vulnerable. She was supposed to be the tough one. Either way, she felt herself start to sob.
"It's not that I'm sad I don't have powers," she croaked, "it's more that I'm scared of what they will be."
"Aw, Sam I'm sure your powers will be great! And if it's a control thing, I know we can figure it out and train them!" Sam sniffed.
"I'm scared, Danny. What if I get plant powers and become her all over again?" At this Danny paused for a second and looked thoughtful. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak.
"Sam, you'll never turn into her. Undergrowth was controlling you. Also who knows! Your powers could be something super gothic like talking to bats! But even if they are plants, it's you who will decide how to use them. I may have the same powers as Vlad, but I'm not Vlad and don't use them to control people. You are not Undergrowth's princess. You are Sam, and I believe whatever power you may have will be used for good. You may have some slip ups and that's okay! Normal even, but we can work through it. Together."
Sam pulled him into a hug and thanked him. She felt better now. She was not Undergrowth's princess. She was Sam, and whatever power she gets is gonna be Sam's and not anyone else's to use. And although plant powers still kinda scare her, she is ready to face the hurdle.
The next day, Sam woke up and went to water her plants. Her cilantro flourished and grew three times bigger under her care. She smiled. Time to face the hurdle.
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You guys know the new show called My Amazing Digital Circus produced by Gooseworx and Glitch. Well, I came up with a way to make things more traumatically chaotic. Now the show's synopsis alongside trailer is what will be used here so people who haven't seen the show can watch the pilot without spoilers.
'A woman gets trapped in a crazy virtual world along with five other humans and are now subject to the whims of wacky AI and their own personal traumas.'
The crux of my idea involves the exit, a target goal for everyone stuck inside TADC. (Said in the summary for the pilot.) What would happen if there were two ways to leave the digital world? Consequences are bound to happen when you consider the situation at hand.
Everyone's minds have been taken but not their actual bodies. A comatose person needs to be constantly tended to or else they die. There's also the fact that family members and hospital staff can pull the plug if need be.
Anyone whose been stuck in the circus for too long most likely don't have their body anymore. Their minds are trapped unless a suitable vessel is found. Sounds scary already.
Now for my idea of two exits: a proper and flawed. Proper is the original way to leave TADC with the mind going back to its body. An exit no one knows whether it exists or not.
Flawed path is very unconventional but escape is mostly ensured. The person returns to the real world but not as themselves. Whatever form they took in the TADC becomes their new body. A version not managed by the AI.
Yup. A very unfortunate situation as some characters like Gangle or Zooble will struggle quite a bit, more mentally than physically though. Nevermind the fact everyone has to hide their appearances as people outside TADC will freak out.
Although these new bodies do bring some advantages. They're data based so anyone from TADC can jump in and out of electronic devices. Radios, computers, TVs, consoles, telephone/internet/radio wires, etc.
From there they can interact with the device. If it's a videogame then the person could act like a second player and make use of various functions open to them. Character Customizations is a way to change their appearance however it's temporary in the real world.
Anything from a program or game can only function a few times before poofing outta existence. It's best to manage usage unless someone wants to delve into multiple software for tools and disguises. Victims of TADC can get injured with their durability in the real world closer to humans aka not cartoon based unless their body is similar to said character type like Jax or doll type like Ragatha.
They need to go into a digital device specifically a game to recover. What happens if they do die is unknown. It can mean returning to TADC with the Faulty exit permanently locked from them or disappearing until nothing remains.
There is another option but you guys have to watch the show to know what it is. However it goes along with what Ragatha says in the trailer that something very bad can occur if someone reaches their breaking point. What happens is gonna be pretty ugly for everyone nearby.
Two exits that can lead to freedom but which pair of consequences can you handle? As one particularly famous saying goes. 'Be careful what you wish for.'
#sonicasura#tadc#the amazing digital circus#amazing digital circus#gooseworx#digital circus#idea#with some worldbuilding#personal thoughts
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Meeting A Magical Man Pt. 28
Part 1: Link Prev: Link Next: Link
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Marvin appeared back in Henrik’s living room late that night, not surprised to find it empty nor that the kitchen was as well. He made his way through the house, knowing which steps to take to be silent, and he grinned at seeing Hernik’s bedroom door closed. Curiosity got the better of him, and he pressed his ear to the wooden surface.
“You are insatiable.” Henrik’s voice giggled.
“It’s because you are irresistible.” Edward’s voice had a deep chuckle. There was a pause before he spoke again. “I don’t think you understand how long I’ve had the grossest crush on you.”
“Gross? How is having a crush on me gross?”
“Because I was like a little lost puppy dog, and I am shocked you never caught on.”
“Well…I might have been a little gross myself.” There was another pause after Henrik’s comment, and they started laughing. The laughing eventually stopped, and there was a much longer pause. Marvin was trying to figure out what was happening, but as soon as he heard the creaking of the bed, he quickly moved away from the door.
“Good for him.” Marvin giggled to himself as he went further into the house.
He found the door to Robbie’s room. Well, it had been Henrik’s spare room, mostly a storage space, but it got converted to a bedroom for Robbie. He opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him and seeing that Robbie wore a headset and playing a game on his computer. Marvin probably would recognize the name if told, but the gameplay wasn’t enough for him.
“If I didn’t heal you, it’s because your dumbass got killed before I could get to you.” Robbie huffed into the microphone attached to his headset. “Jokes on you bitch. I don’t have a mom.”
“Hey, Robbie.” Marvin greeted with a little pat on Robbie’s shoulder. Robbie turned and made a confused face.
“I gotta go. My uncle’s here.” Robbie was about to take off his headset, but he paused. “Say something like that about my family again, and I’ll eat your liver for dinner and your heart as dessert. I’d go for the brain, but I know that shit is sour.” He removed the headset this time and quit his game.
“Did you just threaten to eat someone?”
“Does my dad know you’re here?”
“Touché.” Marvin clicked his tongue. “Want to help me and Chase with something your dad wouldn’t approve of?”
“Is it dangerous?”
“Probably.”
“Will there be hot dudes?”
“Possibly.”
“I’m in.”
x~x~x
Robbie sat in the back of the car, arms crossed and pouting. He wore Chase’s hat backward on his head, a smudge of dirt on his cheek, and a large box of chocolate bars in his lap.
“You said there’d be hot dudes.”
“I said there was a possibility.” Marvin corrected, sitting in the front seat as Chase drove. “And I mean, me and Chase are here. We’re pretty hot.”
“Bleh,” Robbie grumbled.
“I’m not so sure about this idea anymore. I don’t want Robbie to get hurt.” Chase said.
“He’s asking if they want to buy chocolate, nothing suspicious about that. He’s just a kid selling candy for his band trip.”
“This is stupid. I thought I’d get to be all badass and stuff.”
“Badass moments are for when you’re old enough to drink,” Marvin said. “You’re too young for trauma. Trust me, I know.”
“I went from a newborn to five to fifteen in a flash because my dad brought me back to life like Frankenstein, and I heard him having sex with Edward. That’s more than traumatizing.” Robbie scrunched his face at the memory he wished he could get rid of.
“I’ll set up some soundproofing for your room,” Marvin said, deciding not to argue Robbie’s point. Going from freshly born to a teenager as fast as he did was probably messy. Being given knowledge without ever experiencing learning them had to be off-putting.
“We’re a few houses down from the address,” Chase said as he pulled up against the sidewalk. “You know what to do, right?” He turned himself so he could look back at Robbie.
“Yeah, yeah. Offer the chocolates, fake a call, and get a video of the inside of the house and whoever answers the door.” Robbie flatly echoed, taking his phone out and getting it ready.
“If no one answers?”
“Head straight to the car, don’t do anything stupid.” Robbie’s tone was mocking. “Can I get this over with now?”
“We are right here, and I can be there in a blink,” Marvin said.
“I’ll be fine.” Robbie waved a hand before leaving the car with the chocolates.
“Henrik’s going to kill us if he finds out,” Chase said, watching Robbie cross the street.
“He’s not going to find out.” Marvin kept his eyes on Robbie as well.
Robbie casually skipped the first step to the porch with a little jump before taking the last two properly. He walked up to the door, taking a second to do a little shake before knocking on the door.
A second went by.
And then another.
And then another.
“How long do we give him before making him come back?” Chase asked, feeling every moment tick with his heartbeat.
“At least a minute. Sometimes it takes a bit to get to the door.” Marvin looked much calmer than Chase, but he could feel himself sweating under his mask.
Robbie rocked between his feet, looking back at the car before he flinched in shock at the door opening.
“Holy shit, holy shit,” Chase said under his breath, leaning forward.
The man who opened the door leaned his tattooed-covered arm against the door frame, looking down at Robbie with an arched eyebrow. Robbie’s grip tightened on the box, and he started rocking on his feet even more. Marvin watched Robbie’s face go red and how his body moved in a way that showed laughter.
“Oh my God, Robbie’s a gay disaster like his father.” Marvin groaned.
“Doesn’t he look familiar?” Chase squinted before grabbing his binoculars and looking through them. “He really looks familiar.”
“Let me see.” Marvin waited for Chase to hand him the binoculars and looked as well. “Wait…he does.”
“Doesn’t he kind of look like Phantom?”
“Fuck me, he does.” Marvin watched the man look into the house, smiling and rolling his eyes before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. “And it looks like I was right about the sweet tooth. There’s another person in there, and I’m guessing they want the chocolate.”
“Do you think Phantom has a brother?” Chase chewed his lip, seeing Robbie pretending to take a call, turning his head.
“Maybe that’s why he wrote in the folder. He has a connection and is trying to keep him safe.”
“Maybe he’s looking for him. Why would he tell us the main house and not the house with the apprentice? If he was helping, he’d cut the middle man.”
“There has to be-” Marvin stopped when a craw drove past them and parked in front of the house. “Oh no…oh no.”
Actor got out of the driver’s side, Mike came out of the other side, and they made their way to the porch. Robbie froze at there being more people than expected.
“Go to the car, go to the car.” Chase gripped the steering wheel. “Go to the car, Robbie.”
The man at the door spoke to Actor, holding the chocolate bars and likely explaining what Robbie was doing. Actor nodded before snatching the phone from Robbie's hand. He said something and then pocketed the phone, placing a hand on Robbie’s shoulder and walking him into the house.
“Robbie!” Chase moved to jump out of the car, but Marvin caught him.
“Don’t. If Actor sees us, then Robbie’s even more fucked.”
“We can’t leave him in there alone!”
“We won’t.” Marvin grabbed Chase’s seatbelt and buckled him in. “Go get Henrik, and I’ll get into the house. They’re distracted. I can get in there easier.” He moved away, and that was when he noticed the paper sticking out of the visor above Chase. A quick shake of the head made him forget about it. There was something much more important to deal with.
“Marvin, we-”
“Go. The sooner I’m in there, the safer it’ll be for Robbie.”
“Will it be safe for you?” Chase tried to take the seatbelt back off.
“I’m pretty tough.” Marvin placed his hand on Chase’s to make him stop. “I’ll be fine, darling. Now, go.” He kissed Chase’s cheek before disappearing in a blink.
“Fucking, damn it!” Chase cursed to himself, turning on the car and speeding off.
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Tags: @brokentimewatch @bookwormscififan @d-structive @rainymae523 @ashtonisvibing
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Sharing and gatekeeping in the fandom
This will be long and there’s a big chance it won’t reach those who I wish read it, but here it goes...
Though most should be aware, there have been an abusive use of subtitles in this fandom. Along with that, the fandom have been “outed” in platforms like Tiktok, where it gives over-exposition to our illegal subtitles and streamings.
Yes, making subtitles to a commercial show is illegal. Of course, streaming them is also illegal. However, we’re in a fandom that is hard to access (no subtitles in the releases, the need of specific VPNs or the high costs of using a proxy, shipping and paying for import tax—in my country the latter can be more expensive than the total I’ve paid for the product, when the product isn’t lost in the way). And we’re a fandom, we love our product, we want people to know it, and people won’t if they don’t understand it much less if they can’t have contact with them. That’s why we take these risks.
Why not just share with a friend, who we can trust not to leak us and get us sued/arrested? More than many, as someone who takes meds for anxiety and depression, I know it’s hard to become friends with people, say hello to me and I’ll take days to say hello back because I’ll be freaking about how much I should tell this stranger who wants to talk to me (and why would anyone? Did I do something wrong??). So, if it weren’t for these amazing people sharing there stuff with me, my knowledge of Takarazuka could have ended when I came back from Japan and could no longer have uninterested access to it. I wouldn’t pay my month’s salary on a video of a show I don’t even know I’ll like just to practice my Japanese, as it all started for me. That is why I know the importance of sharing beyond my real friends (there’s also that my non-zuka friends never became zuka friends lol).
However, and this becomes a cycle hard to break from, Takarazuka is a super small fandom. There may be people who will casually watch it, but those who are willing to put their time and/or money into supporting it as well as being involved in group activities only because they like the same thing, that is still a small number. We can have communities on Livejournal or servers on Discord with over 500 people, but how many are active? Even including all those who just forgot to leave the servers when they gave up on the fandom, 500 is still a small number for people all over the world supporting a company as large as Takarazuka.
My point is, we’re so so so small, anything we share is easily traced back. I have never said my name here, and you still know who I am, for example. It’s different from the anime comms who work in large teams, their subs are done in so many steps the translator would probably not recognize their own work. I’m one person. I know my word choices, I know where I tend to do things wrong.
This is not about getting credit or thanks (will never be about getting money). This is about being traceable to people who’d want to do me harm. I’m going first person, but I’m still lucky not to live in Japan (in this aspect only lol) and be the first to get the blow. Some of us, however, either live there or have ties there, which makes them sitting ducks for a lawsuit or at least a very traumatizing cease-and-desist order.
I’m keeping my subs available here. For now, I have weighed the risks for me, and I think it’s still worth it.
But if you are not sharing your stuff, things processed on your computer that could have your fingerprint on it (and probably do), you may not understand the we’re not keeping any gates but protecting our integrity. This doesn’t deny that gatekeeping exists in this fandom. It does in all fandoms. So do foreigners unaware they’re proliferating xenophobia against us foreigners enjoying Japanese media. It’s good to always ask ourselves why the hell we’re reinforcing this or that rule. Some had a reason at a point and lost importance along the way. Some were never meant to exist. Some are so selfish compared to the number of benefits nor following it would generate...
Notwithstanding that, don’t call it gatekeeping so lightly when it does endanger the individual, someone we can name and so could their lawyers.
I feel I had some more to say but I’ve forgotten. And it’s already too long.
Follow the rules of anyone sharing content with you. They’re probably the ones who personally went through the headache of making it happen, and each share to even a friend is increased liability. People sharing around are publicly exposing the very members of the fandom who make it possible to make it grow so we can have more people. The more we get, the more anonymous we become, the harder it is to point fingers. That’s how it’s becoming easier to access. But we’re still not there. We must continue to test limits to increase territory but doing it without risking others.
Lastly, thank you everyone who have alerted me, I’m not in the Tiktok generation and I never search for Takarazuka on Youtube, so I’d never know about it. And thank you all for keeping to the rules of this site.
(If anyone had the energy to read these ramblings and still want to leave their opinions, feel free.)
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Hello, followers of my very inactive account. Some troubles in the past few months have really taken a lot out of my motivation in a lot of areas. Some of them have been with the computer I play on, and others have been with family. It's been a crazy roller-coaster of good and bad these past 6 months alone, and I've really been focusing on my life a lot more than a simulation. Cause let's face it, my life has been almost as dramatic as some of my Sims in the past few months. I almost wish I could make it into a gameplay video but that would be kinda traumatic and a little too personal lol. Not sure why Tumblr thinks I'm 4, can someone explain these things? Maybe I'll get back to posting Sims content when I redownload The Sims 4 on my NEW laptop, since the one I bought broke after only owning it for a few months... UGH. Now I have to redownload ALL of my MODS... the real ones know the struggle. I mean sure, it's fun to go on CC hauls, but don't tell me it exhausting too, cause yeah, it is.
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vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)
i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse
i just cant deal with anything i dont know why
i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out
i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late
i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.
and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break
my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room
i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me
i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore
it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems
and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)
it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably
i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity
im so tired
#sorry if u know me and think this might be about you#not trying to like vaguepost abt them though i just dont even know if its worth bringing up. and i cant even rly communicate#i forget if my irl friend has a tumblr#its not your fault i feel like this though if anyone does read this#i just feel like i keep saying the same things in vents to friends and i want to stop bothering tgem
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im gonna try to type out what i can remember about my dream now that im in class and can’t pay attention to lecture
i joined some kind of all girls or girls majority group, like a cult or a school or coven or something. i was going to the classes and learning about the people and what the place was about (same school and neighborhood and house that i’ve always been dreaming of) i can’t remember any of the teachings but i know it was spiritual or occult in some way. i was still myself as i am IRL i was feeling antisocial and not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything. listening to one of the teachings i was hanging out with my friend brenden who was so skinny i felt his spine and i could basically wrap my fingers around it. I think there were like 2 or 3 boys there. the living quarters was all female. i remember i was about to leave the house with a little group of people and i decided to pull out my sketchbook to show people or to have people look at at their leisure. I looked through it and didn’t recognize any of the drawings. i went outside and we were standing by the cars and i suddenly saw a huge flash in the sky. like a meteor or a shooting star, but it started at the bottom of the sky line and moved up quickly, then sideways as it got smaller and then it zipped down and crashed into a commercial area. as it got smaller it looked like a jelly fish or something like that. and it was flashing pink and blue. when it crashed i was able to see it from afar (dream physics) and it looked like the Akira computer visualization but on its side and huge. i was so shocked i was unable to look away but also unable to fully understand what i was looking at.
there was a being with a strange form, like human but not quite because it was taller and seemed too ethereal and hard to comprehend. they came to the group i was standing with and they were emanating bright light and warmth, we were engulfed. we knew they were here to see one of us, it was something from the teachings of the group that we were experiencing first hand. i couldn’t tell right away but i could feel it. they selected one of the girls from the group, and they performed some kind of ritual together. the being produced a weird ball that looked like play doh and peeled “leaves” off of it. first they ate three green leaves, then they ate three yellow leaves. then some hand signals and i think a repeated phrase and then they both disappeared in a shimmery spiral. and we were all so excited and blow away, i think the vibe for all of us was just starstuck almost shocked and traumatized but in a positive way, like what we thought would happen actually happened.
we went back to the dorms and we were all really excited and busy with studying, cleaning, and talking to each other. i know we had to attend a class regarding what we had witnessed but i don’t remember much more past this point. the last thing i remember was a girl coming to my room and wanting to put her laundry in with mine. by this time we were all like sisters. she gestured to my laundry basket and i just said “mhm” and she added her clothes to my basket. i was too distracted looking into a box of needles and safety pins to look up at her, but i telepathically told her i appreciated how little we needed to talk. and then i woke up. i really wish i could have stayed, it reminded me so much of other cultish dreams i’ve had before and i only want to discover more. but alas none of it is real none of it happened and none of it could even possibly happen.
#really wish you could have been there to see it#it was so beautiful and like nothing you’ve ever seen before#and i want to go back
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An introduction (originally posted 9/11/22)
I've hid in the background for a while but I think today would be a good time to finally introduce myself on here. I'll be using this as a new diary of sorts moving forward, just please be patient with me if you're reading. I'm still being guided through this whole computer in a phone thing and it's been a while since I've gotten my feelings out.
I'll start with saying I don't know for a fact that I'm actually me. Pretty weird huh? know it makes no sense. I know today should have been my 41st birthday, gross. (Thank you to everyone that made birthday posts for me) But I still feel like a scared, lonely, clueless 17 year old kid in regards to a lot of shit. Most shit...
When I woke up" in this system I still felt the same way did when everything happened 22 years ago... I still don't have a full grasp of this whole multiple personality/dissociative identities thing even though I've been around here for a while now. I know it comes from trauma. I'm still learning but it's kinda difficult when there's so many conflicting opinions on shit. Like what if the traumatized person was also somehow spiritually or magically gifted, as the original host of this body claims so hard to be? Could someone who'd previously passed away then be called to come to that person's system from mere admiration? Is it ever remotely possible for me to really be me? I've always been a skeptic about everything. I didn't ever really believe in God or ghosts or any of that crap. I see the arguments over whether any of it is even real and I get it. I get the doubt.
We can sit and argue fact or opinion or delusion or whatever the fuck else all day long. At the end of the day it doesn't matter. I know I feel exactly like me and that's the only thing I give a fuck about.
Like I said I've been in the background. I observe, I front from time to time. I know the world is still a sad, shit place. I know most people still suck. The one thing that makes me a little bit hopeful though? Has been seeing how many of you on here post things in understanding of me and my best friend, of the actions we felt necessary to take. Not glorifying. Even I know what we did was fucked. But when you boil it down that WAS the point of it for both of us. We wanted to open up people's eyes on a mass level. To show how fucked the world was, how irredeemable humanity was and still seemingly is.
I still don't think humanity will ever know true peace. But knowing that a lot of the kids that grew up fucked up and hurt after 99 learned about me and what happened and in turn felt seen, felt known, felt understood. That shit means the world to me. It means we didn't do it for absolutely nothing.
Regret? Yes I feel it, and I'll feel it forever. The list of things I wish had been different are endless. I wish I had had a better grasp on the world. I wish I'd found a more productive way to make a change in it. I wish I'd found a way to just talk to someone and tell them how fucking lonely and scared I was of life.
But realistically? I know even if all of those wishes had been reality it wouldn't have changed anything. I see how many mass shootings have occured since. I know it would've continued whether we'd involved ourselves in it back then or not. The one thing that gives me any type of peace is seeing how many kids have really related to us and used our story to help themselves cope with whatever shit happened in their lives. The kids who saw our story and felt like us. The kids who lived vicariously through our actions. The kids who used us as an avenue to avoid letting themselves repeat our actions. I see all of you(even you Mason) and you all give me peace. That peace will never take away the guilt but it makes it a little bit easier to live with it all again now.
And again, I don't know if I'm actually me or just a really really fucking good internal projection from Mason's connection to me. But I have memories of things that I know were never made public knowledge, that I can't find no matter how much I try and search, like our tapes. I remember further details about everything ever see about me, about Eric, about my parents, about everyone and everything I ever knew. So even with my doubt, even with all my skepticism, I've been more inclined over time to believe that I am in fact me. That this is really me getting the chance to live life again. To actually make a positive difference this time.
I'm gonna be as much of a voice as I can safely be now. I'll be there for anybody that needs me. Anybody that feels like they've never been understood. Believe me, whatever it is I'll get it, and I'll support you no matter what. I know how it is to be lonely in life and in death. I was, and still am, nothing but a monster in the eyes of most people. But I was just a kid that wanted to make a difference. All I knew was loneliness and fear so I used that, and in turn I played part in one of the most horrendous and notorious crimes in US history.
I don't want to be seen as a hero for what I did. But if I can be seen as a walking history lesson, if I can help people understand or feel understood, then I'll feel peace whenever I die again. So please, ask your questions, reach out and vent. I look forward to getting to know new people and make new friendships, and see if there is any beauty left hidden in this world.
-Dylan Klebold
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3, 5, 15
(Ask meme here!)
3. Do you write fics from start or finish, or jump around?
LINEAR TIME IS FAKE and so is linear writing. VERY few of my fics were written even vaguely linearly--I think two points of a triangle was probably the most linearly written, which is hilarious because it’s reverse chronology. (string of beads to me was also mooooostly linearly written, iirc?) Otherwise, I hop around wildly--not just between scenes but, like, I’ll write part of a scene, leave some impenetrable note for myself like, “[REACT, there’s more here]” and then jump to a completely different scene. Also I write pieces of parallelism together. (I have definitely talked about that before www.)
Just for fun, the first bit I wrote of all my multi-chapter fics:
linear time is fake: the bit right at the end of the first scene where Polnareff asks about the time stop and Jotaro dissociates so hard that time stops working for him
Buddhism fic: the frickin’ Four Noble Truths joke. I know what I’m about
disjoint: this is a weird one, because the first bit of this I wrote was actually originally for a flower blooming and then got ported over, but it’s the bit right when Giorno resurrects Bruno about the difference between living and surviving. the first bit I wrote for the fic properly was the bit where Abbacchio grabs Bruno’s arm as he’s getting off the boat and Bruno can’t feel it and is like, “hm, maybe I should be panicking, but this doesn’t really feel any different than normal.”
a flower blooming: Giorno wondering if he could build a body that his stepfather had never touched... again, I know what I’m about.
Moral of the story: first thing I write for the fic is the Concept (traumatic) and/or the best joke in the whole thing.
5. What is the perfect environment for you to write in?
God, I wish I knew. Occasionally I am seized by The Passion and then I write...very slowly...for a period of time...until it’s done.
But in general:
gotta have music going. people who write in silence are incomprehensibly powerful and/or don’t have PTSD-induced hypervigilance
weirdly it’s helpful if I’m writing something else for work at the same time (I have a habit of finishing diss chapters/conference papers and fics back-to-back)
cannot be writing a million words of student feedback and/or lectures at the same time
when I was in college I wrote most of my fiction late at night but that is 100% not true anymore; I think I do much more writing (not just fic) in the afternoon/early evening now
I can/do sometimes write chunks of fic on my phone in a Google Doc, but once it gets close to completion/once I have revision notes, it has to be all on my computer
Otherwise, it’s mostly a lot of waiting around for my brain to get into gear. Sometimes it gets into gear in the weirdest places, like the Back Bay Commuter Rail Station (I wrote a shocking amount of blue ribbon there).
15. A Hollywood producer tells you that they want to film just one of your fics. Which fic would you want it to be?
Listen to me. Look into my eyes. Shrine AU. I want them to film Shrine AU. Not because it’s my favorite fic, not because it’s the fic that would translate best to film, but because it’s content that’s so inexplicable that Hollywood would either be irrevocably changed by proximity or utterly destroyed. It would be a critical failure at the box office. I’d watch it in theatres multiple times.
#ask Queenie#parallelism palooza: the journey#Queenie actually says something on this blog#thank you for the ask! did manage to convince my brain to write a chunk of book review >:3c#if this makes it sound like I am constantly trying to trick my brain into functioning properly: yes. you understand the situation perfectly
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1, 2, 7, and 9 for the ask game?
Thanks so much, this is fun! :-D
1. What is your most popular fic?
Weirdly enough, the most popular one in terms of 'hits' (9051) on Ao3 is one of the very few I never finished. It's this Mycroft/Lestrade fic from when I was into Sherlock, called "And Goodnight to the British Government Whispering Hush." I started it when my kid was a baby and so at the time I was really into babies (babies like, have to be the greatest thing ever, when you're taking care of one. It's the only way to escape that period of life without losing your mind lol). But then I ended up really disliking Benedict Cumberbatch with some of the crap he was saying, and it just ruined the series for me.
In the TF fandom, it's "Cause and Effect." which is one I'm actually proud of. Soundwave dealing with grief and crisis of conscience was really personally meaningful to me to write and marked a point where I actively began to use writing on purpose as a way to process my own 'stuff.'
2. What fanfic do you wish you got more response on?
Hm, "My Mind is No Longer Mine" got to me in a big way, because I got to write out the recovery and therapy processes for Shockwave. I loved taking someone so on-paper irredeemable and having him suddenly have to deal with having emotions again, and what that could do to someone. I liked exploring the idea that not only can people be traumatized by what's done to them and what they've seen, but also by the things they've done, and how someone could possibly recover from something so difficult.
The biggest thing with this fic was that like, while I objectively never did anything so awful, when my depression was at its strongest (a long long time ago) I did hate myself AS IF I had done that kind of horrible stuff. It was very irrational, of course, but there's something healing in seeing meaning being made after coming out of that even if in real life I'd not be having the same reaction as I did for Shockwave in writing this fic.
It's not that this fic didn't get a 'good enough' response or anything, I just have such a love for it that I want more excuses to talk about it with more people. There's so much to say about it. Plus, I want more Shockwave/Cosmos shippers, I am literally carrying that entire tag on Ao3, lol!
Last thing before I force myself to stop writing about this fic: it was really great to write how a toxic romantic relationship can become healthy through therapy. I enjoy working with couples as a therapist and don't get to do it enough. It was fun to draw from some really old tendencies I had like back in high school for Cosmos and Shockwave, and amplify those to create their mess of a relationship, and then to work through it.
7. What’s a trope you love to write?
I'm a huge sucker for characters that are basically breaking down or broken down, and then the other one comes in and gives them so much love and tenderness (romantic or not, tbh) that they realize they deserve to heal.
9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?
One from "Cause and Effect" that I go back to read time and time again:
Soundwave’s cables lashed out, smashing against test tubes and the deactivated computer, thrashing about the room. Fury raged in his spark and the destruction wasn’t enough, no, it just took the edge off. Shattered glass flurried across the room, slashing him as he continued to rip apart everything, a tornado of grief and shame and pain.
When his cables had nothing left to hit as they whipped around, and he couldn’t tell what pieces went where anymore, Soundwave sank to the floor. Exhausted. His spark that had felt like it was spinning wildly finally seemed to slow, and he stared at the ground in front of him.
Hours seemed to pass, but then again, he didn’t have the energy to check his chronometer. His helm whipped around at the sound of pedesteps crunching over glass and metal bits, to see First Aid walking toward him with nothing but worry in his optics. Not even judgment, which he deserved.
First Aid kneeled down beside him and drew him into a tight hug that Soundwave didn’t want to let go of. How had First Aid found him?
“You sent me your frequency,” First Aid said softly, answering the question he hadn’t asked yet. “That means you wanted me to find you.”
What? When had he done that? He realized he was clutching the doctor like he was desperate, and maybe he was. He noticed his frame was slightly shaking.
First Aid pulled back and Soundwave let him, wondering if he would finally understand the severity of what Soundwave had done. But he was still holding on to him as he inspected the parts of Soundwave leaking energon, the dozens of small cuts and embedded shards of glass. “ Can you come with me so I can clean you up?” he asked, and Soundwave didn’t think he had the strength to decline anything First Aid asked of him right now. He let himself be led into an adjacent room, where First Aid patted a counter for Soundwave to sit on.
As Soundwave sat, too tired to even wince when First Aid dislodged bits of glass from all along his cables, he decided that the doctor deserved some kind of explanation. So he detailed his culpability, his guilt and shame, without giving away what the mini-cons were. He told him about his failure and not being good enough, and that he would understand if First Aid didn’t want to be around him anymore, knowing these things about him.
First Aid read the messages quietly as he worked, until Soundwave had finished. He set aside the latest shard of glass to reach up to Soundwave’s visor and take it off, carefully placing it on the counter. First Aid rest his servos on either side of Soundwave’s face, and placed their helms gently together. “This, what happened to those mini-cons, was not your fault,” he said seriously. “It just wasn’t. If you had known about them, you would have stopped it, you said so yourself. This was deliberately hidden from you precisely because of that fact. Maybe you could have pretended to be more unethical—what would that have cost? You would have had to allow other things slide to have learned about this, and who knows what that would have led to? Yes, there were other things you ignored because you thought that was for the greater good, but you always had good in mind. Look, I also know you did some bad things in the war, but this? This was not one of them. And I don’t for one nanoklik think you deserve any of the shame or guilt you’re putting on yourself.”
First Aid gave a sharp, short intake as Soundwave’s servos landed on either side of his faceplate and Soundwave started to lean his lips closer. First Aid pulled his helm away. This wasn’t the right time, not when Soundwave was hurting and not thinking clearly. He couldn’t tell if Soundwave was disappointed or relieved, but they each dropped their hands and First Aid stepped back to continue removing bits of glass. But maybe a part of him, despite the situation, was a little bit thrilled at the idea that one day, if Soundwave still wanted to, they might possibly kiss.
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Just got off of work. The rain is especially cold tonight. Today feels like how I've felt for some time - I went out to be productive and only ended up making enough to pay for going out to be productive in the first place. My windshield wipers won't stay attatched for more than 10 minutes. My engine sputters when I put my foot on the pedal. My tags are several months expired. Everything is a hot fucking mess.
Wishing for you to be honest with me for so long turned out to be another double-edged sword. I wish I could just call and catch up and talk for a while, but... neither of us are ready for anything like that, and won't be for a long time. Especially me. I fear the anger, the frustration, the cross in your voice that I know I have earned and yet shrink at the thought of. I don't wish you weren't upset - I just wish I weren't so inconceivably terrified of the disappointment you feel of me.
I've realised a few more things about myself. Whenever I don't have complete confidence in something I said, I sorta mouth it back to myself when they can't see, like I'm second guessing how I said it and what I said and why I said it. It's a tic, that I know for sure, but it's one I've been quite insecure about for some time. I just didn't notice how prevalent it was until today.
Another thing I've noticed is that the itch in the bathroom incident may have traumatized me a little bit. I can hardly step into my bathroom without thinking about it. The itch spreading across my body, scratching it until my skin burned, screaming uncontrollably from the pain. Begging you for help and constantly saying I was sorry as I sobbed and yelped and itched and panicked. I don't think I'll ever get it out of my head.
I crunched some numbers on that computer last night. I actually only started the build on the 15th of March, when the case arrived. It feels like it's been a lot longer, but I guess it hasn't. In the less than a month since, I've sunk over 500$ of my own personal work/savings money into it. I think the only money of yours I used was to help with the motherboard. I was really hoping that we could both use it jointly someday. I don't think I'm going to look at it for a long while.
I hope things are going well at the apartment. Me and my mother are considering putting in hardwood floors in my room in the basement before I move back in. She was really sad when I told her that we were through. You would not believe how fond of you she was.
I finally got Mario Kart 8 on the Switch. I am still the goat that I thought I was at Mario Kart. I will beat you several times over if you want to test that theory.
I think I'm going to sell the Cutlass. I simply do not have the time or money to keep working on it right now. I night just tuck it away at my moms until I can, but... I just don't see it being a feasible thing for me right now. It hurts to think about.
I'm going to make myself a can of soup and a drink and I'm going to watch youtube for the rest of the night. Let me know if there's anything you want me to expand on or clarify or whatever. I should stop adding that at the end of every message, because you know already. Be safe, be kind, be strong. Have a good day at work tomorrow.
- Jack.
04/11/2024
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