#i will try to keep the existentialism to a minimum
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Introduction Post!/DNI List
Hi, my name is aurora, im 24, and i have a full time job sooo unfortunately frequent fic updates/posts aren’t a guarantee. but i do love to write, and i find the time to do it when i can! My pronouns are she/her and I identify as a lesbian. i grew up in south jersey and i live in philly now, so i curse like a sailor. my zodiac sun is capricorn, my moon is leo, my rising is virgo (for all u astrology hoes out there) and im INFP if that means anything to u (i dont understand it at all)
im part of the unholy trinity of bishova, we come up with silly little fic ideas that turn into full-length novels together. they’re the reason i write, and i lov them a lot. u should follow them (functionally-medicated and laurie-bishop) on here, if u want the full experience. if anything ever happened to them or if anybody ever hurt them emotionally or physically i would hunt that person down in a completely feral state, unaware of my surroundings or actions, and what follows is not for me to say or take blame for.
Here’s some links:
my linktr.ee, which is basically all of these in one place except my ao3 bc minors follow me on tiktok and i... dont want them reading my fics or at least i dont wanna know abt them reading my fics lol
my main blog (desktop link)
My Twitter (until the rat man ruins it for good, this is the main place for my madness)
My ao3 (Please note that due to my deep fear of ai stealing my shit, all of my fics are only accessible to ao3 users; i will not be posting them anywhere else.)
And yes, my tiktok. (it’s literally just shitposts, mostly bishova)
DM’s and Ask Box are open for questions, comments, etc! Don’t be shy to ask about anything, I’m an open book and I give very mid advice. (if u are looking for romantic advice please know most of my exes cheated on me and i have deeply rooted emotional issues. so my advice will be ‘break up’ or ‘just ask them out the worst they can say is no’. if those are not the answers u seek i am not ur love doctor)
I’m not taking requests for fics, but i’m down for discussion for ideas and i might even end up writing something! If I do, I’ll ofc refer to the post(s) and give credit where it’s due. Or if it’s a blurb/drabble I’ll just respond in the ask.
You DO NOT have permission to share/steal my work onto other platforms unless it’s for the sole purpose of promoting the fic itself. For example, if you like to share links to your favorite fics on a tumblr or discord, that’s fine. You cannot claim it as your own, nor do I want anything read in a recorded space or shared with any cast/crew/whatever. (It makes me uncomfortable, and yes, this is something that has happened before lol.) Please and thank you x
OK DNI:
-if you write/read noncon/dubcon and dead dove fics, i have a lot of really negative views and putting them all here will just make my teeth itch
-if you’re a minor, please dni with my 18+ content!!!!!! I realize I can’t prevent y’all from coming here or reading my fics but i dont need to hear about it! im happy ur reading my stuff, and im very grateful, but pls understand that as an adult it makes me uncomfy hearing abt it, and any normal adult should probably feel that way.
-however, if u are a minor and an adult on here is giving u some weird vibes this blog is very much a safe space to talk abt them, i am very here for u, idc who they are or who you are, i do not tolerate adults taking advantage of kids in any way shape or form and i will go full mama bear mode
-terfs and maps/p*dos and other similar degenerates stay far the fuck away. i am not above publicly shaming you, and i am really really good at swinging and hitting low. i will bring up ur dead relative and im going to talk abt fucking ur mom. if ur mom is dead ill talk abt fucking ur dad. i dont care.
-lemme reiterate, TERFS are NOT ALLOWED. i specifically hate you so deeply, so intensely, my breasts ache with rage at the thought of being able to verbally or physically smack one of you bitches into the dirt. on this blog we respect the FUCK out of pronouns and gender identity and if u can’t vibe with that i genuinely think u are actual garbage, u are subhuman to me, if god asked me to recreate the caste system you would be at the bottom and i would get off to watching you suffer.
-i am once again repeating dead dove accounts stay far away from me. i dont go out of my way to be a bitch to you directly, so i am just asking you do the same for me. i do think we can hate each other and co-exist, unlike me and the terfs.
(random shit about me below the cut line. im sorry, it’s best u just find out i am literally insane right off the bat)
i work at a small coffee shop that’s also a chocolate/ice cream store (i will not be writing a coffee shop au, unless it’s for one of the unholy trinity or someone who has a plot idea that will make me overlook writing my job in fanfic). i do actually think i am the hottest person in the room most of the time, and the funniest at least half of the time.
My hobbies include complaining, playing ps4 or my nintendo switch (please tell me if u play ACNH, i had to get a new switch and my whole ass island was deleted. i need some fucking iron nuggets please im begging on my knees), and playing chess on chess dot com. (yes, im single, thank u for asking). i can play a weird variety of instruments but not well. I rewatch glee every other month, and twilight every month. i can recite the entire first 20-30 mins of the emperor’s new groove from memory, and also most of yzma’s lines. i have a lot of love for satire and adult cartoons, meaning i will unironically defend south park (but my favorite adult cartoons are bob’s burgers, king of the hill, and futurama)
my favorite color is pink, my favorite singers are Amy Winehouse & Taylor Swift (and i could write an entire essay on their lyrical geniuses, musical styles, and what songs of theirs i think go together perfectly). my favorite food is potatoes, my favorite animals are bears (specifically the spectacled bear), and my favorite flowers are pink japanese camellias. now you know the most intimate details of my personality. holy shit are you still reading. bro i just put this here because i thought it would be funny. i ddin’t even think someone would read this post. damn u must really wanna know abt me huh. ok well my favorite alcoholic drink is some goddamn jim beam bourbon or whiskey over a lot of ice. close second is jack and coke. i’m on antipsychotics so i can’t get drunk often, and when i do it’s after 2 drinks. i can’t take nyquil because it aggravates my mental issues. i am allergic to pollen, tree nuts, and literal spiders and mosquitoes (their bites give me rashes that look like im dying of some rare disease). i have 8 tattoos. i do 2000 crunches a day. i can hold a plank for 2 mins and 33 seconds. (learning margot robbie can do this for 4 mins has awakened something very competitive in me). i can hold the flex arm hang for so long i get bored and have to stop. holy shit dude ur still reading? jesus chirst. i can read tarot cards. i can read runestones. i’ve had the same nightmare/dream since i was 7, in different angles / places / scenarios, but always the same universe. i read wiki articles for fun and it’s not even about cool things like ww1 or the geneva convention. i have 2 older brothers that i love. we are the same people. my mom is my favorite person. she is why my brothers and i are Like That. my stepdad gave me good taste in film and women. my stepmom’s life is more interesting than mine or yours ever will be. my dad is slowly becoming a swifty, but he’s also unfortunately starting to fall down the right-wing pipeline and it’s a mega fucking bummer dude. thanks, joe rogan. i can do a not good kermit the frog impression but by god will i keep doing it. if im not in film for writing or directing then im going for acting bc at the end of the day at least im cute and funny. i am fully convinced i could kick ben shapiro’s ass. i am also fully convinced i could kick joe rogan’s ass. i play chess so that if i am for whatever reason challenged by andrew tate, i can humiliate him and make him fucking weep. and i also just like it and have been playing it my entire life. i am a certified pothead and stoner, and i vibe heaviest w the sober ppl at parties. speaking of parties and bars, i am the drunk white girl in the bathroom that tells you you look beautiful, sometimes while sobbing. speaking of sobbing, i cry really easily watching movies and tv shows, and i have gotten really good at holding it back just enough so i get that cheryl blossom style single tear down the cheek for a bit. i can cry on command, and my form of self-defense is barking (and now ppl are starting to do it on tiktok so it feels less original but it also feels good knowing that it’s so fucking effective) ok dam if u really read all this ur fucking nuts dude kudos to u tho. i am literally actually insane though fr fr like not in a cute way literally in a ‘what is wrong with u’ way. lots of things is the answer.
#intro post#dni list#ummmmm this is probably fine#im old i dont care about formatting im sorry#i tried to make it as not ugly as possible while still making it slightly jarring so that it's read#also important to mention i have a touch of mental spice so sometimes my fics will be Fucking Sad#Sorry About That#i will try to keep the existentialism to a minimum
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Poll Shows 67% of Americans Surveyed Support the WGA and SAG-AFTRA Strikes
18 August - "A large majority of Americans support the writers and actors strikes, and a plurality hold an unfavorable view of the Hollywood studios, according to a new poll by Data for Progress.
The poll found 67% support among likely voters for the strikes by the Writers Guild of America and SAG-AFTRA, while just 18% oppose them.
The poll also found that 48% have an unfavorable view of the major studios, and just 31% support the studios. The survey also found that 60% of respondents subscribe to Netflix, 41% subscribe to Hulu, and 35% subscribe to Disney+.
The firm also asked strike supporters if delays in their favorite movies and TV shows would cause them to change their minds. The survey found that 86% would continue to support the strikes, while 10% would oppose them.
Data for Progress is a progressive polling firm that conducts surveys on issues including climate, education, health care and workers rights. The firm surveyed 1,124 respondents online from Aug. 3-5.
The respondents gave mixed answers when asked the primary reason for the two strikes, with 33% citing fair compensation for streaming shows, another 33% citing pay and benefits, and 16% answering protections from artificial intelligence.
The survey found 85% support for SAG-AFTRA’s position that actors should be get consent and fair compensation for any use of their likeness by AI. The survey also found that 74% believe studios should be barred from replacing writers with AI.
In a statement, Liz Shuler, the president of the AFL-CIO, said that the results confirm broad national support for the striking unions and the importance of AI across industries.
“Voters understand that this isn’t just about one industry — this is about all of us — and unions need to have a seat at the table to take on the existential threat AI poses to our livelihoods and economy,” Shuler said.
The results are similar to those of another poll conducted recently for the Los Angeles Times. That survey found that 38% of respondents were more sympathetic with the actors and writers, while 7% sided with the studios. Another 29% were ambivalent while 25% said they did not have an opinion.
According to Gallup, support for unions climbed steadily in the U.S. from a low point of 48% in 2009 to 71% in 2022. The firm cited the low unemployment rate during the pandemic as having “altered the balance of power between employers and employees,” leading to unionization drives at Amazon and Starbucks.
A 2021 poll from Data for Progress also found broad support for unions, with 68% in favor and 24% opposed.
Duncan Crabtree-Ireland, the executive director of SAG-AFTRA, said in a statement that the poll shows Americans understand the reasons for the strike.
“I suspect many are seeing the same dynamic playing out in their own lives, with employers undervaluing their contributions,” he said. “That’s why this fight is so important. Our demands aren’t unreasonable, and it’s a fundamental principle of fairness that workers should be fairly compensated for the value they bring their employer — in every industry.”
Lowell Peterson, the executive director of WGA East, concurred.
“Everyone who works for a living understands what it’s like to get squeezed economically, to face threats from disruptive technology like AI, to try to hold one’s own against huge corporations motivated by their own profit rather than their employees’ well-being,” Peterson said.
The WGA has been on strike since May 2, while the performers’ union began striking on July 14. Both unions are seeking increased residuals for streaming shows, regulations on AI, and increases in minimum compensation rates to keep pace with inflation.
The WGA also wants a minimum staff size and a guaranteed minimum number of weeks of work in television, and weekly pay for screenwriters."
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Note from mod: This poll is great news—but as the strike goes on, it's more essential than ever to keep support up. Correct misinformation whenever you hear it (online and in real life), and source your information directly from WGA and SAG-AFTRA sources; don't rely on opinion. And be critical of the trades like Deadline/The Hollywood Reporter/Variety (saying this even though we linked the article from Variety above; you have to take their articles critically and on a case-by-case basis to see if they're useful or not, because sometimes they just publish studio press releases uncritically!)
As always, if you're able, donate to the Entertainment Community Fund or the Green Envelope Grocery Aid mutual aid fund to keep industry workers afloat during this long work stoppage. Add your voice to union support online and IRL, and push back against false studio propaganda, such as the writers' demands being unreasonable or all actors being rich. These false narratives can easily be refuted by hard data (e.g., the writers' demands are eminently reasonable to even keep the writing profession alive and actors aren't rich, many are struggling to even afford health insurance!), so counter the lies at every opportunity. Keep morale high and stand in solidarity, and we'll only get stronger.
#sag-aftra strike#sag strike#actors strike#hollywood#amptp#union solidarity#current events#wga strong#sag-aftra strong#fans4wga#wga strike#writers strike
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Did you accidentally see Odasaku’s last words as Nihilistic instead of Absurdist?
I do plan to write a larger analysis of Odasaku’s character, but I had the realization as to why some see his words as so negative when they were not to me: You do not see living kinder as enough of an answer to the overly sinking feeling of a meaningless life. You try to be too objective, too rational, as to why someone should live, so you’re mad at Odasaku for not saying an answer that doesn’t exist.
The idea that our life is meaningless is not an inherently depressing or negative one to live with, it’s what you choose to do with that mindset that decides it. No matter what branch of Nihilism, Nihilists decide not to engage with life beyond that it is meaningless, so typically they end up stuck where they are and forever feel an overarching, aching loneliness to what they feel as fact.
Although Dazai wasn’t in the most realistic position to be in, his struggle with Nihilism is pretty obvious in his time in the mafia. More specifically, it’s Existential Nihilism he’s trying to combat. He was at his most nihilistic before he met Chuuya, an utterly passive force that refuses to do more than the bare minimum and opts to attempt suicide instead. When he finally joined the Mafia, he tried to find life in the violence and death and why it could matter, but he couldn’t. It was a doomed pursuit from the moment he tried.
Unlike a lot of characters, Dazai is trying to find a rational meaning for why he should live. A Nihilist does not see an Existentialist’s proposition of subjective meaning as enough to justify why they’re still around in an absurd world where they can’t rationalize it as an actual meaning. There is no real truth except what they can be sure of, which is themselves. So he falls back into his most Nihilistic state once again, throws himself into suicidal situations, but keeps living anyway because maybe something would prove him wrong. Eventually.
He doesn’t try anything new or leave the mafia after this expected outcome because nothing other than his own expectations would happen, even in the world of light, nothing would matter. Genuinely, nothing will fill this hole for him in the way he wants it to because his intelligence leaves him trapped in a cage of his own making, worsening his suicidal ideation. When Odasaku confronts him in his dying breaths, he states it as a matter of fact because he’s been in a similar position to him when he was younger, but truly was he able to give him the advice he needed in his last moments, only through him losing this will to live could he understand his ideation to this point. An Odasaku pre-events of Dark Era would not be able to connect with him on this level, so I ask you to please recognize that.
His first few words were so Dazai would be willing to listen to him. It takes much more than to be a friend for him to listen to them. Odasaku does not come from a negative place, he’s stating what Dazai has always been thinking. When Dazai hears those words, he’s not discouraged, he’s thinking that since he understood him in such a specific way, what would Odasaku tell him to do then? He tells him not of what to do about life, an unsolvable case, but about how he could continue living.
Now this is where you need to understand what I meant by Absurdist. Absurdism, to be brief, focuses on the conflict between human beings seeking rationality and the irrational world we live in being meaningless. It concludes that since it is a futile objective to seek, there are three traditional ways to continue this realization that comes from Albert Camus’s The Myth of Sisyphus. The first one is suicide, which is a highly discouraged option since it only has us succumb/surrender to the absurd and doesn’t solve a thing. The second is denial of the absurd through faith in a higher power, which is a way to live of course, but is considered philosophical suicide.
The third and final option is to rebel, the heavily recommended option. Not to disregard the absurd, but to acknowledge it and to keep living despite our inherent meaningless life. Accept that these are our circumstances, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on trying to live a life you want, be content with, and to be happy. Dazai was unhappy because he was trying to find the fucking Fontaine of Youth, Aka something that doesn’t exist, and fighting an unnecessary war with himself as the only solider.
The only way he can be happy is to not search anymore and to live his life despite it. This doesn’t solve his suicidal ideation, nothing can truly solve this dilemma, but it will make his life easier to live. This is what makes this piece of advice absurdist. It’s not overly positive because that would be ignoring their reality, this is advice Dazai desperately needed to hear. Anything else of a different tone or stance would be missing the mark with someone like Dazai.
Now absurdists don’t need to live by a certain moral code, that was more so about saving Dazai’s humanity so to speak. He associates being good to having humanity. That’s off-topic though, but it’s whatever I’m going to keep going off-topic. Real talk, I needed to quickly mention that even though their relationship is important, I think some of you are over-idealistic about Odasaku or that their relationship was much more intimate than it actually was when Odasaku was alive.
He was much closer to Dazai as Ango was, but that’s looking at it by Dazai standards. Every time Dazai talked about himself, Odasaku was like “in all our years of knowing each other, I’ve never heard him speak about this.” Pshh, I’m done now.
"Listen." Odasaku wrapped his blood-soaked hand around Dazai's. "You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live..."
[..]
"You won't find it,” Odasaku said in almost a whisper. Dazai stared at him. "You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity."
[..]
For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted from the bottom of his heart to know something. He asked the man before him:
"Odasaku... What should I do?"
"Be on the side that saves people," Odasaku replied. "If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but...saving others is something just a bit more wonderful.”
"How do you know?"
"I know. I know better than anyone else."
(You guys should totally read The Myth of Sisyphus, I think it would help a lot of your understanding of Dazai)
#bsd#bsd dark era#bsd meta#dazai osamu#oda sakunosuke#Odasaku#bungou stray dogs#it’s incredible he can give this advice on his death bed#especially considering his own position and how he ended up there
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The Familiar Yet Unfamiliar Horror of The Milk Games
CONTENT WARNING: Mental Illness, Trauma
This is Milk Inside a Bag of Milk Inside a Bag Milk... and its sequel, Milk Outside a Bag of Milk Outside a Bag of Milk... and the sound of an electrical short-circuit you're hearing right now is my anxiety sensors flaring off uncontrollably.
The Milk visual novels, as I would like to call them, are an unnerving, unsafe, decisively un-fun journey into the mind of a broken individual as she navigates an altered reality filtered through the disfiguring lenses of her mental illness, low-functioning neurodivergence and trauma.
This isn't as much an allegoric representation of her deeply rooted issues as it is an abrasively surreal piece that aims to subject the player to the world as she perceives it, as her mind mutilates it, making every waking moment of her life overflow with existential dread. Milk accomplishes such devious goal thanks to its unique framework: the player is a voice in her head trying to help her buy a bottle of milk; a task made oppressively difficult by her fundamental inability to function within the "standards of society", at the very bare minimum.
The first game assaults you with a barrage of fastidious, disorientating, senses overloading colours, sounds and shapes. The girl copes with it by "pretending to be the protagonist of a visual novel." She is the "milk" inside the bag of her multi-layered, anxious brain.
The second game forces the "milk" out of the bag, once she's home from the grocery shop, and becomes a disturbing therapy session: a nightmarish and morose stream of consciousness fueled by insomnia and very dark thoughts inside darker thoughts inside darker thoughts...
It's a visual and verbose trip with recognizable artistic influences (somewhere between Satoshi Kon and Hideaki Anno) that does not relent and does not apologize for it, with its sharp black/red monochromes and suffocating aesthetics, with its dreams within dreams.
Milk Girl is trapped in her own head just as much as she is trapped in a reality that offers no support to her. She has to develop habits and coping mechanisms just to survive the day-by-day Kafkian horror of living.
Do not take my word as an authority on the matter but I do believe these games come as close as it gets to properly capture what it's like to grow up as a neurodivergent child, along with the potential scars picked up along the way. As an autistic person, I find myself sucked into this vortex of unease, fear and dread that feels all too familiar yet unfamiliar. Existing in this perpetually fluctuating state of mind between feeling like a burden and hating the world for not conforming to you.
However, make no mistake, Milk Girl is not your "puzzle to solve" as the purposeful ambiguity of the narrative framing demonstrates. Understanding "what's wrong with her" is not the goal here.
The goal is Empathy.
The Milk visual novels are strongly, viscerally about Empathy. They are about connecting with people you don't understand, people who have suffered for faults not of their own and have been alienated as a result. People that deserve love and to be loved just as much as you do. People that need help but don't deserve pity or disdain for it. People like you but not like you, different yet the same. They (us) are human beings regardless if they are "relatable" or not.
In conclusion: these games are a deeply unpleasant experience and more so powerful as a result, the art direction is impeccably strangling and Milk Girl is an iconic character. Play them at your own discretion - especially if you are neurotypical.
This was emotionally draining to write.
---
A/N:
I have had these thoughts on the series typed down since the beginning of 2023. In truth, most if not everything I put in the form of an article starts life as sporadic observations over on my Twitter account. Hence why I keep linking my threads on Tumblr, as well. Anyway, you can follow me there and on YouTube, of course.
The Milk games were developed by Nikita Kryukov. They are available on Steam and Nintendo Switch.
Have a happy new year, or else!
#madhog thy master#milk inside a bag of milk#milk outside a bag of milk#neurodivergent#autism#trauma#mental illness#visual novel#steam#nintendo switch#isolation#got milk?#milk#twitter#youtube#review#satoshi kon#hideaki anno
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I’m going to be a little overly blunt about my opinion on fighting Ludinus and his followers, obviously he’s a self serving bastard, but the tools he uses are what I want to discuss. The cults are a clear example, manipulating people having a difficult time and radicalizing them into supporting his bizarre doomsday plots. That’s really bad.
In the empire we had the highly authoritarian political landscape, which is brutal and basically outright encourages abuse and magical ethics violations. There’s also just all sorts of oppression and biases and actual restrictions on religious worship. Now for this world some of that is kinda understandable, the Betrayers are real and want to destroy everyone or at least do terrible things. The Prime Deities don’t, and idc what you think about the gods, outlawing Prime Deities to stop rebellion against your authoritarian empire is a bad look (which is the reason we learned they did it). Tbh I view the Dwendalian Empire as proto-fascistis at the very least, and I think Ludinus very much encourages that. But just enough it keeps him in power, not too much that rebellion would become the peoples only option -and potentially oust him. He’s been coming close, how he runs the Cerberus Assembly and what and who he allows in the upper ranks had started to become a problem for him.
Ludinus has to be stopped. The people working for him, the poor bastards in his cults, must be stopped. There is no time to try to deprogram all of them. They represent an existential threat to at minimum hundreds, and probably many more lives. If they can get some people to leave peacefully and stop, that’d be great. But I don’t think now is the time to dwell on the morality of having to fight and kill those people it they will not stop trying to release something that both gods and Primordials feared.
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I'm in liquified disoriented tatters since the finale, but something I was meaning to say before this episode: I think Carpenter is like. 35, maybe 40, with a dash of "you look like shit" making people assume she's a bit older. the hunter siblings are absolutely teenagers as well.
also, a thought from the middle of the episode, before I was fully liquified:
At a certain point, Mercer wasn't much of a hunter anymore. She was just rabid.
[con't] Faulkner do you want to explain that thing you said to Mason. could you please. I don't. think I follow. faulkner
Incorrect! Carpenter is 45 at the bare minimum. I agree that at first (or second, or fifth) glance she looks older, but honestly she feels even older than that based on the fact that she has been keeping company with twenty somethings for the last two years. (Faulkner being max 22 and Paige being 28 at the outside.) Hayward is the only person in the whole cast who we might consider 'of an age' with Carpenter, and mostly because he's in his late thirties/early forties and prematurely aged by a steady diet of stress-smoked cigarettes, lies, deserved guilt, and paranoia.
"Mercer is rabid" fuck you that's a good line.
I do actually have reasoning for this! There's a great post in the silt verses tag calling out how nonsense it seems for Faulkner to snap at his faith no longer being illegal. Surely that's a good thing! Religious persecution is the reason Nana Glass is dead and Em drowned; the reason for Carpenter's parents being absent and Mason running his a private cult. Real religions have fought tooth and nail to be recognized by the state as legitimate; most modern people understand a lack of religious tolerance as bad and wrong. There's no reason to believe that this wouldn't color our readings of a podcast about fictional religions.
What I think perspective ignores, is that---when it comes to TSV a religion's choice is not between "criminalization/persecution" and "recognition by the state/freedom." Instead, the existential question before every faith of the Peninsula and the Linger Straits is "criminalization" or "co-option". Your choices are either to be an enemy of the state, and operate under your own wild rules, however corrupt---or to throw your lot in with the government, and become yet another arm of the state trying to kill you. After all, it's the legitimate government tying sacrifices to trains, courting gods via test audience, letting dispassionate scientists discover your saints by scientific method with a body count. Stripping faith and narrative from your religion for the sake of power---like copper wire from the walls---is what the government does.
And that's what I think Faulkner objects to. For good or ill, he is the most sincere believer in the Trawler-man that we know---his investment isn't in the Parish and its earthly power, the way Mason's is; he doesn't particularly care about its people, as Carpenter does. He believes in the absolutism of its god and his role as that god's prophet. No more, no less.
Is this unreasonable, unhinged? Yes. But it does mean that Mason willing to sell out that divine absolutism for a seat at the Peninsulan table is an existential threat to Faulkner and everything he is.
Hence: Murder.
#tsv spoilers#the silt verses#the one benefit of being immersed in catholic european history for a while#is reinforcing that ''this person genuinely in their heart believed this about god and they moved mountains for it'' is a valid motivation#you can in part explain historical motivations by power and control! that was there too.#but if you ignore how deadly seriously people took theological questions for large swathes of history#you will not understand history.#(......this probably applies to modern day too I just haven't read enough books to confidently assert as much)
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[ for the canon differences ask game! ]
(we’ll probably use this format for future ask games btw, we love bullet points! we tried to keep the special text to a minimum, but if you would like less we’ll try to use less in the future! the special text just lets us read it better in a format related way)
man, where would we even start??? there’s about 40 of us fictionkins so far, so i guess we’ll just list some random stuff & who it’s from using the format [Source/Full Name, Source]
EX [Evil Xisuma, Hermitcraft] (mod EX from over on @/hermitcraftkinfessions!) got banned to the void by their twin, Xisuma, on accident instead of on purpose
Scythe [Scythe/Rifle, PHIGHTING! (Roblox)] has a ton of differences from canon, but three of the most notable ones is that 1; instead of a cult it’s basically the mafia she’s involved with (mostly cuz of her ‘bio’ family, which is another difference), 2; she’s 46 instead of 42 (not in the future, she’s just a bit older than her canon-canon self), & 3; she’s married to Windforce & thus is Ban Hammer’s step(?)-mom (we’re in contact with her Ban :3)
Dan/RT [Daniel/RTGame, mixed-MC(YT)verse/sort of RT Miitopia (NOT the CC!!! our version of the C!!! /srs)] adopted Chat [Twitch Chat, RT Miitopia/mixed-MC(YT)verse, not our fictkin but one of our best friend’s fictkins], Cupcake [RT Miitopia/mixed-MC(YT)verse/sort of Pokémon], & Dread [(name references Existential Dread but they just go by) Dread, RT Miitopia/sort of mixed-MC(YT)verse]
Marie is April’s [Agent 4, Splatoon] adoptive mother, & thus Callie is her adoptive aunt & Craig Cuttlefish is their adoptive (great?)grandfather
Voltz [Ranboo, Voltz Wars (on YouTube, unfortunately shelved)] actually met Jack & Tubbo & befriended them, & also the Captain has basically adopted him. they also really like spaghetti for some reason.
Sailor [Sailor Waddle Dee, Kirby game series] is transfem she/they, & is bio cousins with Bandee [Bandana Waddle Dee, Kirby game series] who is transmasc he/they
this got really long, we tend to do that, we apologize 😔
-@ghost-van
It's okay. That's interesting.
#mod avery#fictionkin#kinfessions#fictionkinfessions#canon differences#ask games#evil xisuma kin#hermitcraft kin#scythe kin#phighting kin#RT game kin#daniel kin#agent 4 kin#splatoon kin#ranboo kin#Voltz wars kin#sailor waddle dee kin#kirby games kin#ghost-van
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Mag 29
This serves as a correction to one of my previous comments from the statement about the Dark roomate who kept unscrewing lightbulbs: apparently the written statements are sometimes dictated and transcribed in the moment. I stand corrected! That seems like a wild way to take statements to me, but who am I to criticise the workings of the Magnus Institute?
Okay let's start with some basic thoughts in the End. It's cool that as the original Fear, basically all of the other Entities began in the End. The fear of death is both the root of all other fears, and as far as we know, the only Entity capable of killing/consuming the others, which makes it unique amongst the Entities. It's the most passive of all the other Entities by far, because it can afford to be, and we're lucky this is the case. If the End was actively invested in killing everything, all life would basically be screwed (which I guess is the idea behind the Extinction).
I think we can see that in the episode here, where the battleground is a mix of many different possible fears (Slaughter, Desolation, Lonely, Corruption) but the only thing that makes the soldier run is dying. The core of every other fear is that he doesn't want to die; all roads lead to the End.
Yes, everyone does fear death. Even people who desire or have made peace with their own death must still have some level of apprehension over it. No one knows what happens after we die and we all have to face it eventually. Of course we're afraid; of course a thing capable of surviving off that fear would be basically the ultimate power in all of creation.
That said, I did find it strange that the way this is phrased in the episode immediately spoke to the opposite fear for me. The episode talks about death being fearful even to those with faith in an afterlife, because existing for eternity is horrifying. I kind of agree? But for me the idea of immortality is horrifying for this reason. I don't want to exist forever! Time is the cruelest thing in the universe; it strips all meaning from everything. Death would be preferable to living forever, which is why I really hope there isn't an afterlife.
I'm definitely not like the soldier, panicking over the idea of death and trying to avoid it at any cost. I want to die someday (just hopefully not any time soon) because otherwise what is the point of anything?
Anyway this rambling is getting way more incoherent than usual, I will try to keep the existentialism to a minimum from here on out.
I originally took the age of the bones to be an indication that this version of Death has been stuck in his role for an incredibly long time (maybe millennia), before realising that he probably wouldn't be a monk if that was the case. I googled 'when did monks start' and apparently they've been around since the third century, so the oldest he could be is 1500 years. Which is very old obviously, but hardly 'older than you could possibly dream', and also if his clothes are instantly recognisable as monk's robes to this uneducated soldier, than he is probably much more recent than that.
So I think the real clue is in the phrase 'Death was no more a skeleton than you are a woolen suit'. These aren't the monk's actual bones that we're seeing, it's more like an outfit that he is wearing. He's dressed up as the embodiment of Death.
Poor idiot. Don't you know the cardinal rule of making a deal with any kind of supernatural power is to make sure you get the wording exactly right? It's basic stuff. Demon deals, fey bargains and genie wishes all operate by the same premise as a game with Death. Don't just agree without negotiating your terms! Get it in writing and make sure you understand all the terms and conditions before you enter into a formal agreement. You probably shouldn't even be discussing this without your attorney present.
Love that he's like 'Well, obviously Death's games are all rigged, so instead I'll get him to play my rigged game.' And it works!
Adding the Eye to the list of Entities that the End can embody.
Cheat Death! Cheat Death! Cheat Death!
There's no possible way this could turn out badly!
So... Death let him win, right? It would be against whatever rules bind him to outright throw a game and lose on purpose, but if the other player attempts to win by cheating, I think he can just allow it to happen. He's probably been waiting for centuries for someone to pick a game they can cheat at in such a way that he can pretend not to notice.
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You mentioned Damien, and so Dark, having a soft spot for kids. Do you have any thoughts about how any of the other egos think about and interact with kids?
Okay this is probably gonna just be a messy collection of on the spot headcanons but here we go lol
So Ed is obviously horrible with kids. That's just canonical, I don't even feel the need to explain further cause that's like. His whole shtick lmao
I think Bim is similarly bad with kids, but like. In a different way. Ed is just the worst and an asshole. Bim insists that he hates kids but the second you actually put him in the same room as children he's a fucking mess because he just is so awkward around them. He tries to be entertaining and fails completely in his awkwardness. He freaks out anytime they do anything even slightly dangerous. Teenagers scare him half to death. He is just like a panicked mess dealing with anyone under the age of 20.
I think Wilford is great with kids, they find him funny and entertaining and probably question the way reality bends and breaks around him a lot less than most adults, which i think he'd appreciate. But then his detachment from reality maybe goes a little too far and he forgets what is and isn't dangerous for kids. So maybe not a great person to leave alone with children, but as long as he's supervised it's probably pretty chill.
Google does not like children, but if you put him in charge of watching one he's gonna do a great job, he's got the sum total of all human knowledge on childcare just sitting around in his brain. He will complain the whole time, but nothing is going wrong there. Bing on the other hand, while maybe not being as good of a guardian as Google, is much more enthusiastic about kids, especially if they're old enough to get on a skateboard. He's absolutely giving skating lessons.
Dr. Iplier is similar to Google in that he is not particularly enthusiastic about children. He's doing the bare minimum at any given time when it comes to taking care of children. Up until it's a situation in which actual medical attention is needed, then you know he's jumping on that shit so quick. He's got very tired dad energy.
I feel like Yancy has a lot of fears and hesitancy when it comes to kids considering his family background, but in contrast I think that he would be great with kids, making up for the mistakes of his parents, always trying to break the cycle. Very much supportive older brother vibes on that guy. I feel like the same way he picked up a little family in prison he'd just slowly accumulate a group of kids around the city who he's there to be a supportive figure for. Weird artsy kids and punks and rebellious academic types who he's always gonna be ready to protect or steer towards the right path. Maybe he does volunteer work in his free time idk
I feel like The Host is good with kids in theory, like he likes kids and generally feels competent in taking care of them, and he probably gives fucking great advice, but I feel like, especially with younger kids, he kind of tends to accidentally intimidate or scare them. Like he thinks he's telling a funny little story and then ends up accidently saying some freaky existential shit without realizing it's not quite age appropriate and now the kid's crying and he doesn't know what to do. He feels bad about it every time but it does not stop it from happening again. Probably does much better with teenagers.
Illinois is definitely horrible with kids. I don’t make the rules this is just factual. He is absolutely too self absorbed at any given time to actually handle the well being of any kid. He's good at keeping young kids attention though, knows how to be very entertaining. So assuming there's no other factors involved he can at least handle that. I feel like if he tried to pull his usual routine in front of any given group of teenagers though it would lead to him getting ruthlessly made fun of and then he'd hold a vendetta against teenagers just as a group forever.
Mark, similar to Ed, is objectively bad with kids. I mean look at that guy's canon he sucks so fucking bad I would not trust him within 100 feet of a child. To be fair I would trust that bastard fucking actor within 100 feet of just about anyone, but my point stands.
The Jim's should not be trusted with children, they will loose them and/or take them on dangerous investigations and/or harass them for an interview for whatever news story they've invented in their heads on the spot. They think they're great with kids.
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No One Ever Says No to Me --@ [Claybela]
@vcnatorr
It had been a busy summer. She had spent most of it trying to keep her family’s spirits up, assisting the community any way she could, and languishing in her bedroom--having an existential crisis. But, existential crisis were terrible for your complexion, so she had kept them to a minimum. The last thing she needed was a crack.
There was too much to be done. Through the chaos, Isabela had been determined not to let Clayton forget about her. She texted him every now and then (not too much, just enough to say hello and to make sure he was taking care of himself through the chaos.) She had stopped into the department twice, once to drop off a thank you card for him having dropped into Casita and another time to bring him over a note from the mayor. Being in and out of Town Hall had its advantages. Her aunt being the secretary to the mayor, even more so.
In this time, she had befriended Sharon, the secretary, and learned Clayton’s birthday. Which was how she had arranged reservations at Remy’s, after getting Elena to tell her what table was the sheriff’s favorite. Having connections was so lovely, wasn’t it?
Now, she just had to wait.
Clayton did not keep her waiting for long. As he was a gentleman. When he arrived she smiled at him, getting up to tell him hello and kiss his cheek, in a way that could be taken as friendly...or not.
“Feliz cumpleaños,” she told him. “I hope you have had a good one so far. I do so love birthdays.”
[outfit]
#swynclayton#claybela#no one ever says no to me#lookbook#i can't remember if it was shera or sharon but oh well#also im using gifs bc#i just got new ones#(thanks mak)#they're great and i wanted to use them
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Did I tell everyone I quit that job? Yeah I quit that job. The production manager who'd been stressing me out since the first week back in March finally snapped and berated me in an ableist tirade. Shaking in every limb I handed in my key along with a dated timed and signed written complaint stating that I was resigning because I had been told my neurodivergency was "not an excuse" for my performance (it is, actually, but thank you now here is a legal document stating your guy did an illegal discrimination against someone with a disability.) And walked right out with an explicit apology from the managers.
Husband instructed me to take two weeks off before starting the job hunt. (He also said it'd be best if I land something by the new year so I think he's not in touch with what the job market for my skill set and needs level is like.) So that's what I'm doing but I'm trying to start getting a plan together.
Which is really really hard since my abilities can kind of vary, I keep randomly getting in trouble at jobs for things I had already been openly doing for a while without being corrected about anything, and it's important to me that I have some level of competency at what I'm doing. But considering I haven't been to college and this shithole country keeps moving that goalpost further away from acheivability, society has decided I am good for:
Handling the general public
Manual labor
And nothing else! Everything that doesn't involve herding humans or destroying your body is locked behind a glass case where the key is a minimum debt level of $60k and 4yrs of experience in any given field you're applying for (because hiring managers are lazy as fuck and make AI screen out resumes for them, so half the work of getting a human to see you involves trying to hack the algorithm.)
Raal hard to not feel like I chose the wrong path in this Choose Your Own Adventure Story at a time when everyone was telling me I was allowed to make that choice and it'd be fine. Didn't go to college, chose a 20yr service industry career instead. And yeah, all y'all saddled with $75k of debt and no jobs are pretty bad off...... but at least you can get your resume seen, okay, imagine trying to do all that at 38yo with 20yrs of completely irrelevant work experience and a high school diploma, and then tell me again how bad you have it.
So if anyone has tips for staving off my existential crisis, I would be so grateful .
#existential crisis#neurodivergence#just neurodivergent things#actually audhd#actually autistic#actually neurodivergent#work advice#work problems#working while autistic
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FLP POETRY BOOK OF THE DAY: Internet Girls by JSA Lowe
ADVANCE ORDER: https://www.finishinglinepress.com/product/internet-girls-by-jsa-lowe/
The poems of Internet Girls concern themselves with electronic as well as physical loss and inevitability; they try to contain that slippage, to box up all that which is evanescent and disappearing. Their speaker is exhausted if not exhaustive and possibly also electronic herself, a queer female narrator staring down the untraversable span between intimacy and distance: “I keep thinking how I wish I were a poet to describe / certain things I cannot get right.” A shifting constellation of images embroiders the work together through textual and linguistic disruptions. “Someone has to sleep with politicians, be a starfucker, do your dirty / service, this work of being soap-slimed and broken,” observes one; in sequence, the lyrics stand for something natural, mystical, and larger than the self, even split by grief: “So I loved on, a desperate believer, / divider: three parts in vain but two / just here for the river.”
JSA Lowe’s poetry chapbook Cherry-emily was printed by Dancing Girl Press (2015), and her chapbook DOE by Particle Series Books (2012). Her essays have recently appeared in Denver Quarterly and Rupture. She is an adjunct professor of literature at the University of Houston–Clear Lake, and she lives on Galveston Island.
PRAISE FOR Internet Girls by JSA Lowe
Internet Girls is a work of genius, the kind of genius that unsettles you and challenges you and cheers you as you stumble in the wake of it. Lowe’s poems rattle and wobble and keep opening up, refusing nothing, despairing and celebrating and despairing again—and then joking about the despair. The poems boil over the way a mind boils over at 3 am of a sleepless night—with fears and worries and sudden jolts of insight. Things I come to these poems for: The range of reference (from Fortinbras to Trazodone), the flash of language (and the unplumbable depths in the afterflash), the ear for the music of experience, the philosophical and psychological astuteness, the laughter-in-the-face-of-it-all, the brittle keening on the brink of every danger. These poems won’t protect us or save us; they’ll take us, as Denis Johnson once wrote, “straight into the heart of the trouble” which might finally be where we need to be.
–Jon Davis
By turns notational, fluid, imploring, and unruly, Internet Girls emanates with a brand of joy—élan vital meets “blister & filth” brimming with everyday intimacy. In lines that mirror a caustic sense of self, the poems reflect immediacy of mind as being “alright with my fight / fine by my fears and my queers and my tangles.” So addressed to lovers, friends, specters of youth, persons estranged, companions in art, search-engine fantasies, and the locus of the poem itself, this writing suddenly seizes you in the intervals between craving, craft, sentence, and scene—matchless “in the grim local minimum / of the night.”
–Roberto José Tejada
These are poems of existential loss and heartbreak, weighed down by a heavy psychic burden, yet they keep showing up, through Lowe’s crystalline language, to make some sense of the shards, and in the face of barely believing it possible. Or maybe they are not even poems, maybe they are something else, something new—maybe a transcription of dreams, or of an inner monologue that began a long time ago and will go on into the future, the way all sound is a wave that just keeps pushing outward, into the universe, forever…that’s what it feels like, reading JSA Lowe.
–Nick Flynn
Please share/please repost #flpauthor #preorder #AwesomeCoverArt #poetry #read #poetrybook #poems
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Little Known Facts About Types of talking therapy.
Therapy can incorporate a wide range of treatments, so when you’re appearing for assistance it can easily seem mind-boggling. What you are handling along with is an issue which has been experienced in the past by a amount of people who have looked for out a certain procedure for a illness, or a certain medical health condition. May You Go the Therapist? Therapy may be beneficial for many various kinds of things that might not directly include physical therapy.
There are so lots of choices accessible, thus understanding the different styles of treatment and what each aim ats is a helpful spot to start. In particular, clients who are not actually getting treatment can view how it works along with the counselor to assist them experience better concerning themselves. This may often indicate some adjustments in their attitude in the direction of themselves or a adjustment to their medication. If this treatment doesn't operate in the treatment itself, there is commonly additional to finding out concerning this procedure than the present treatment being explained.
Take some time to look into the choices before you begin your trip. Here are just some instances: It's not very as easy as you possibly assumed. Here are some links that will certainly probably help you create certain factors are going properly and that you are at minimum in purchase. Some of these links may aid you make a decision for yourself what to get. I am all for the price of seeing the finest. You may additionally read other articles in this series, that cover it in additional deepness.
Listed below you'll discover relevant information on: existential treatment household therapy art therapy eye motion desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR) If you’re curious in trying treatment create sure you perform some analysis. There has been a whole lot of investigation on this and is what you will certainly be performing. It is your duty to always keep appearing for that particular specialist in a different collection. It is extremely important to comply with up, and try to observe a brand-new specialist if it offers you a good outcome.
There are actually pros and cons to every procedure and what works for someone else might not function for you. We've gathered a wealth of information concerning the factors and techniques that your doctor could reign over your therapy. Policies and Guidelines Physicians who manage people along with psychological illness differ substantially in how they handle the client and the quality of their care. One of the most popular strategies is the American Psychiatric Association's Common Psychiatric Criteria.
Counselling Counselling is a kind of talking therapy that can easily aid you work along with a wide array of emotional problems. For example, people who suffer coming from Depression and Anxiety commonly come from a vast variation of sex identities and gender articulations, several along with complicated mental and mental troubles. These can easily consist of bipolar condition, post-traumatic worry ailment, consuming conditions, consuming conditions related to diabetic issues, anxiousness and depression, OCD and depression.
‘Therapy’ can easily be utilized as an umbrella condition for a lot of chatting therapies, but it's additionally a certain kind of therapy in itself. It are going to take place in various parts of the physical body and that doesn't suggest you will certainlyn't ultimately acquire weight before it is carried out. There are actually lots of means to avoid this, but usually talking, the biggest one is to attempt to obtain your palms damp just before touching an item. Don't touch anything. Use a tiny quantity of water per touch.
Therapy may be used to assist you with: psychological wellness problems, like clinical depression, anxiousness, or an eating disorder bodily health health conditions that you might discover upsetting, such as infertility challenging life occasions, consisting of a grief, a partnership malfunction or work-related worry complicated emotions, for example, low self-esteem or temper other problems, featuring sex-related identification Counselling entails talking regarding your sensations and the difficulty you're dealing with with a professionally qualified, taught counselor.
If you live in the UK, you can discover a qualified counselor with the Your counselor isn’t there to give you advice or tell you what to perform. Many British counselors and mental wellness carriers are taught professionals, but there are a variety of English language therapists, featuring a variety of British foreign language psychoanalysts, psycho therapists, intellectual neuroscientists, behavioral psycho therapists, specialists. This short article explains the principal elements that form your counselor's take in concerning you.
As an alternative, they'll help you to know your thought procedures and enable you to find your own solutions to your problems. If you're experiencing like writing your personal write-ups, you can use Postscript to help you develop your authentic information. It'll aid you receive it off to a excellent start, therefore get to job. This post is additionally readily available as a giveaway PDF so you can easily read through it on your iPad, iPhone, or iPod contact.
#Mental Health Therapist In El Paso#Marriage Counseling#Relationship Counselor#Mental Health Services In El Paso
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Who wants to learn about morphosyntax? Nobody, that's who, but unfortunately I have an exam on this tomorrow, so I'm going to explain it in painful detail to you because I don't want to get a bad grade. (morphosyntax is grammar and it's boring)
This is an exercise where I try to explain it off the top of my head to see what sticks and what I need to check again, unless you're interested in the content of my shitty grammar classes you're free to skip honestly I don't want to inflict useless grammar on poor bystanders
First chapter, time, tense, and aspect. What are those? Good question.
Time is when a sentence would be put on a timeline, either in the past, the present, the future, or the irrealis use, which is for events that haven't actually happened (if I were rich, I wish you hadn't eaten my cookies, you get the idea.) Tense is the tense of the verb, ie past or present really, because there's no future in your language, it's just a modal. Generally, they're the same, unless it's future/irrealis.
Aspect is - well I had to go looking through my notes for that one and I don't see what the point of that one is tbh. It's if the action is finished or not? Like, is it going to start (prospective), still happening (progressive), finished (perfective), or it keeps happening (iterative). I think the way we're evaluated on that is making little timelines so I'm good. I can also see - oh yeah. For the present you can have four aspects, continuative, resultative, existential and hot news, and for the past it's either continuative, resultative, or irrealis. Don't know what that is lol I'll just ignore it.
Second chapter is much worse, it's all about clause structure.
Definitions first: a sentence is what you call a sentence, capital letter + end-of-sentence punctuation at the end. A clause is a group of word with a verb, a sentence can have one (clausal sentence) or multiple (compound sentence). A phrase is a group of word around a head verb, you can have multiple types (noun phrase around a head noun, verb phrase around a phrase, preposition phrase around a preposition...) "You are such a bitch why do you eat my cereals?" is a sentence, "you are such a bitch" and "why do you eat my cereals" are clauses, and "eat my cereals" is a verb phrase around eat.
Now, say hi to the thing that traumatised me in latin & greek and is the reason I hate grammar, functions. Clauses/words have functions in sentences, which sounds easy when your sentence is "I hate grammar." (I is subject, hate is the verb and grammar is a direct object) But like, it's just such a pain for my brain, it simply Does Not work like that in my head and I hate it. I mean, object, subject, sure, but a predicative complement? complement of preposition? all those adjuncts? Fuck right off.
Speaking of adjuncts <3 adjuncts add meaning to the sentence but can be safely deleted and the sentence still means something. There's adjuncts of time, manner, place, duration, frequency, degree, condition, purpose, result, concession, and cause/reason. Useless bullshit but apparently I have to learn that.
Arguments are - things the sentence needs to work? "The cat sleeps." has one arguments, the cat, but "He invited his mom." has two, he and his mom. That's a verb's valency btw, the minimum number of arguments for the verb to work in a textbook example sentence. Usually you need to arguments for listen (I listen to music) and even if "he never listens" has a single arguments and is a proper sentence that's an exception not a rule.
Backtracking, there's also this thing called constituency tests, to see if the thing is a constituent (what are those, good question), which are replacing that part with it and asking what, and if you can then it's a constituent (in "how you behave is important", how you behave can be replaced by it and you can ask "what is important?" so it is a constituent) What is it if it fails the test? Fuck if I know.
Lastly I will say that syntax trees exist but 1) I'm not getting the graphics tablet out for that and 2) they just use what I explained here so I'm good.
Okay now that was (not) great but it could have been worse, see you next time I need to study for a test!
#consider yourselves grateful you're getting top dollar education for free!#(this is like 170 bucks per year. these are not incredible classes. you can get those lessons online for free too.)#anyway thanks for helping me beat the executive dysfunction tonight!#i have more stuff to do but at least this is done#i need a tag for when i trick myself into doing things by posting on here#hmmm......#look at me doing things#that'll be the achievement tag#wow i have a ramble tag now
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harmless (vii)
Summary: Bucky volunteers to go stop a small time villain, but nothing can prepare him for what exactly he has to deal with. (Bucky x villain!reader, drabble series)
Warnings: cursing, existential crisis, frustrated bucky, dramatic reader, lil bit of angst, clint barton being a lil shit
Word count: 3.4k
A/N: hey shoutout to @ugherik for suggesting a spin on the “A PLATYPUS!??!“ [perry puts his hat on] “PERRY THE PLATYPUS!???” thing. i used it in here, it’s a really small part and probably missable but i tried!! also i like the next chapter better than this one, i just wanted to put this here so it doesn’t seem abrupt <3333
here’s
my ko-fi
if you’d like to support my writing <333
Previous Part || Series Masterlist
Bucky can’t stop staring at the mirror.
He wishes it was for narcissistic purposes. He had enough reason for it to be. His age may be a hundred but he had the youthful exuberance of a very drained sixty year old.
But no, it wasn’t because of the steel cut jawline or thousand gigawatt smile.
After last week’s mini-spiral, he does what almost half the videos on TikTok warn him not to do.
He got a haircut.
Everyone’s reaction stopped him from following it up with an ear piercing, but he can’t confidently say he didn’t at least consider it once. Maybe a neck tattoo.
He pulls at a lock of hair. It’s not even longer than his finger.
What did he do-
“It’s just a haircut, man,” he says to no one in particular, almost like he’s trying to reassure himself.
He runs his hands through his hair. It takes lesser time than he was used to.
Steve had told him he looked good. But then again, Steve wore a fugly costume 90% of the time, what did he know?
Clint acknowledged it and didn’t outright call him ugly, which he supposed was a compliment. Wanda simply smiled at him.
“FRIDAY?” he reaches out.
“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?” comes the automated reply.
“How are you?” It took him some getting used to her, given that she was constantly listening to everything, and in general seemed to go against the universal idea of privacy.
But his therapist told him he needed to form friendships.
She didn’t mention it had to be human ones.
“As good as ever. Is there anything I can help you with?”
He wants to ask her what she thinks of his hair until he realises fashion advice from a faceless AI is a new low for him. Maybe ‘Do you think I should crawl into a pit and die?’ would be more appropriate.
“Never mind,” he dismisses instead. “Any messages for today?”
“A reminder to buy a harder bed because you can’t keep sleeping on the floor.” Ah, that was on Sam’s recommendation three months ago, but he wasn’t going to stop any time soon. “And a text from a contact named Nuisance saying to meet them at the attached location in thirty minutes.”
“Where is the location?”
“The local sports centre.”
“Isn’t that closed today?”
If he had to go out in public looking like this, maybe he could wear a cap and sunglasses and no one would recognise him. Unfortunately, as he was reminded several times before by anyone with an iota of common sense, it was a stupid disguise.
Beanie it was, then. Bare minimum.
“It is, yes.” Fewer citizens to worry about.
“Okay.” He hesitates in front of the mirror again, adjusting the hat on his head. “Thank you, FRIDAY.”
“You’re welcome, Sergeant.”
He stares at the little tuft of hair at the front that refused to stay down no matter how much he shoved it back.
“Come on, man,” he exhales in slight despair. “Whatever.”
____
The lock of the door leading to the pool is easy enough to pick. He can see how you got in without a hitch even though it was closed.
The deck around the pool was absolutely drenched in water. No one was using it, there was no reason for water to splash out unless it was deliberately kept like this.
He catches sight of you easily, being that you’re the only two people there. You were standing at the end of the hall, head ducked as you scrolled through your phone.
The door closes behind him with a soft thud.
You don’t look up from your mobile when you start talking, “What do you think 6 year olds like?”
Because James Barnes, carbon dated to 1917 and therefore certified young person, would definitely know the answer to this question.
“I don’t know. Lego?”
“Just how much money do you think a teacher makes-”
You stopped mid-sentence, finally lifting your head to catch his eye. He stares back at you, steps faltering when you don’t move.
"Who are you?" you squinted.
What
"It's me," Bucky says, tugging off the dumb beanie and using it to gesture vaguely towards himself. Fuck, he shouldn’t have worn it, it was ridiculous anyway-
"You sound like him..." You narrow your eyes. “You don't look like him.”
Great
He rolls his eyes before putting on a mock scowl. Can't have Bucky Barnes without a sense of eternal disgruntlement.
"Oh hey, that is you." You grin. "You got a haircut."
“I did.” He suddenly feels the awkwardness increase. His fingers fidget with the beanie.
“Nice.” You nod in acknowledgement.
He wants to hit himself at the words that just spill out before he could think about it. “You hate it.”
“I never said that,” you snort. “And since when does my opinion matter?”
“It doesn’t.” But now he wants to know what you think since he didn’t trust anyone else to tell him honestly.
“Must cut down on time in the shower, huh?”
It did.
He shrugs. He shoves the beanie into his back pocket.
“Was it a crisis haircut?” How did you kno- “Are you going to get bangs next time?”
“Shut up,” he says lamely, a dull burn in his cheeks.
“I know a place where you can get hair dye for cheap. Not technically FDA approved, but I think purple streaks are a good place to start-”
“What are we doing here?” he interrupts, sighing.
“Skinny dipping. Take off your shirt, Barnes.”
“Funny,” he says dryly, eyeing your shoes when you straighten up.
Ice skates.
“Fine, pants then.” You don’t make any effort to move from your end so he does, walking closer to you.
“What are those for?” He doesn’t hide the annoyance from his voice when he points at your feet.
“Oh, these?” You look down at them. “Yeah, I’m going to freeze the pool.”
That seems... mild compared to the shit show you wanted to do last time.
“For?” He halts where he is.
“’M gonna take my friends ice skating.”
“Is that all?” He wants to make a comment about the fact that you have friends but bites it back.
“Today is just a trial run. Tomorrow I’m gonna go freeze the East River.” There it is.
“The East River is not your personal ice skating rink.”
“Not yet it isn’t.” You lift up a middle finger.
It was too early for you to flip him off, even by your standards.
He raises an eyebrow.
Your face scrunches in confusion. You follow his gaze to your finger. “Oh yeah, no, that’s a freeze ring.”
Only then he notices a ring around the finger. From where he was standing he could make out the blue stone that adorned it.
“Joy.” He rolls up the sleeves of his black bomber jacket. “Let’s get this done with, then.”
“No no, wait.” You hold up your hand and he complies, having nothing to lose anyway. You pull out your phone and press a few buttons before shoving it back into your bag and tossing it aside.
The soft sounds of a piano start playing from a boombox near the corner of the room. A child starts singing following a series of knocks.
His eyebrows furrow. “What the fuck is this?”
“The Frozen soundtrack.” You beam at him. “I thought it was fitting.”
He doesn’t know what that is and at this point, he’s too afraid to ask. He can vaguely make out the lyrics being about a snowman but he isn’t too concerned.
He takes one step forward. You immediately point your fist at the ground in front of him, forcing him to jump back when a blast hits right in front of his shoes. Suddenly he gets why the floor is covered in water.
It sounds like a series of cracks as the water starts freezing over, a layer of ice now separating him and you.
"You ready?” The mischief was woven in your voice as the blasts continued throughout the deck, effectively turning the entire floor into ice.
Bucky takes a step tentatively forward. Not bad. He takes another. Okay.
The third one is when shit starts to hit the fan. His hands shoot out to hold onto his balance when his footing slips from beneath him.
His Nike sneakers aren’t used to snow. They’re used to well manicured lawns and pavement trips to Starbucks and marble floors of the compound. Not swimming pool decks covered in ice.
He can hear you singing in the distance and every time he looks up you’re a little further away, making sure every inch of space is frozen.
It takes him a while to get over the initial fear of breaking his skull and just move forward swiftly with short steps. A goddamn penguin is what he looked like.
“There you go, you’re getting it,” you chirp as you whiz past him. He reaches out to grab at you, only to miss by an inch. He staggers, arms flapping wildly to regain his stability.
He hears crackling beside him. He gets a second or two to watch ice crystals spread through the water before turning it completely solid. You step onto the now frozen pool, testing your weight with one leg before cautiously getting on.
A triumphant smile emerges on your face. “Awesome.”
He manages to press himself against the wall as a form of support.
There is no point to this whole thing. He knows this. It’s been well over 6 weeks and there is genuinely no point to this.
He realises it again when he moves from side to side, body erupting into a waddle.
Why is he doing this. He doesn’t get paid extra. He doesn’t get any kind of compensation. All he gets is more wisecracking geniuses, embarrassment and the mortifying ordeal of getting caught imitating a penguin.
The song changes to a woman singing about doing something for the first time, forcing him to pay attention to it. He hears something about ball room and balls and tunes right back out.
Bucky manages to find his way to the actual pool since that’s where you’re twirling around, opting to land on his mental arm in case things go wrong. He takes a sliding step forward, followed by another. Maybe he can do this.
“If a 200 pound super soldier can stand on this, I suppose it’s strong enough,” you muse, watching him slip and slide as he tries to invent makeshift ice skating.
Unfortunately, his method doesn’t have any brakes, so while he’s too busy trying to move forward, there’s no way to actually stop. He finds this out very soon when he almost launches himself off the edge of the pool.
Something yanks him backwards and back onto the ice.
“Honestly, this is utterly useless since you can’t really do anything but it’s the most fun I’ve had all week,” you admit when he goes sliding towards the middle, arms flailing.
“You had to pick fuckin’ ice of all things.” He thinks that maybe he’s getting a hang of this. He can definitely move faster than what he was doing like, 10 minutes ago. It’s not like you were going anywhere, anyway.
“I like to keep things spicy.”
He stays where he is to glare at you. You mouth the words to the song, watching his every move whenever it interested you.
Okay, change of plan; a temporary distraction till he figures out how to actually get the ring from you. He settles on skating towards the edge of the rink slowly, taking a step off, slipping almost immediately when his foot comes in contact with the deck.
“Where are you going?” you yell over the music initially but immediately break into song when it ends in a crescendo.
He takes a knee, lifting his metal arm up before driving it into the ground. It shatters magnificently, leaving small shards of ice at his disposal.
He picks up one of them, waiting for you to complete your dumb twirl. He takes aim, and-
“Ouch, what the fuck?” You stop your off key singing to rub your shoulder where the ice hit you.
He wordlessly picks up another piece to throw at you, hitting you squarely in the leg.
“Stop that!”
He may not be able to move as fast but he can definitely throw.
“Give me the ring,” he commands, stretching his arm behind his back before releasing another piece to hit your forearm.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” There’s nowhere you can skate to avoid his stupidly good marksmanship.
“You gotta do what you gotta do.” He shrugs, breaking another patch of ice to replenish his ammo. “Hand over the ring.”
“Over my dead body,” you shriek when a particularly big piece lands next to your feet. You knew he missed that shot on purpose.
“I feel like I’m finally acting my age,” he says casually, finding your darting about in order to avoid him more fun than he initially thought. “Can’t throw pebbles at meddling kids so this is the next best option. Thanks.”
“If you acted your age you’d be in a casket, Barnes,” you hissed, finding that skating in zig zags helped your cause, but not by much. “I’d be- you bitch- I’d be more than happy to help you get there.”
You raise your arm, ready to send another blast to freeze the water that was starting to melt around him, hopefully, keep him where he was if it froze around him.
He flinches. You notice immediately, hand dropping slightly when you realise what it looked like.
“I’m not gonna freeze you,” you say, softer than you intended. From what you knew, he had enough and more experience with that and you weren’t going to contribute to it.
He swallows thickly, giving himself a little shake of his head as if to jolt him out of his train of thought.
Another piece of ice hits you in the leg. You let out a string of curses at him.
“The more ice you make, the more I have to throw at you, Y/N.” He waits for you to regain your balance when you nearly take a stumble.
“Shut up, you’re so immature.”
“Remind me whose plan this was again?” No point waiting for you to regain your balance when you fall over only a few seconds later.
He gathers a few shards in his beanie, tucking it into his belt like a little makeshift rucksack just in case before venturing out on the main rink again.
It’s more difficult for you to stand without railings to guide you, giving him enough and more time to make his way towards you, staggering and skidding.
Both of you looked ridiculous.
“Stay away, fiend.”
“Ring first.” He holds his hand out in front of you. He even considered pulling you up if you just made things easier.
Next thing he knows he’s on his ass on the ice beside you.
“I hate you,” he groans, watching as you inch away from him on your knees.
He doesn’t really have any other options so he shoves aside the humiliation and gets on his knees, using his arms to drag him along the ice.
“For the love of Christ, none of us are winning here. Just give me the ring.”
The bitch from the soundtrack sings about letting it go but he won’t.
“Never,” you shout, sliding away from him as fast as possible.
You make use of the fact that the top layer of ice is starting to melt, using the ring to freeze it again. His knees and fingers get stuck as the water freezes over but he has super strength. It barely takes him a second to free himself.
“Great,” he huffs, just settling down on the ice, ignoring the sting of cold that was spreading through his limbs. Running after you wasn’t going to work; he needed a way to get the ring.
“You won last time, I’m not letting you win again.”
“Are we seriously keeping score?” He watches as you scramble towards the edge.
“No one likes a loser, Bucky.” You use the pool stair railings to pull yourself up.
“Explain why you have friends then.” He can’t help himself this time.
“Hardy har har.” You roll your eyes.
He doesn’t make an effort to move. Instead, when you take a step back into the rink, he raises his arm and pummels it into the ice, just to annoy you.
The ground damn near shakes, pushing you dangerously towards losing your balance again.
“Are you crazy?” Your arm shoots out in front of you to keep you from falling headfirst.
“No.” He does it again. This time there’s a crack in the ice. “I’m just very tired.”
“If the ice breaks we’re both gonna be underwater, you moron!”
“Fine by me.” He shrugs. “Freeze it again. I’ll just find different ways to ruin it for you.”
You glare at him. He raises his arm above his head again.
“Fine! Fine, stop.” You eye him as he lowers his arm.
He reaches for his stash of ice pieces from earlier, throwing one at your shoulder again.
“Boy, I swear if you don’t stop doing that-” you duck when another one comes at you. You had no idea he could be this annoying.
It suddenly hits him, like a lightbulb going off in his brain. He wipes his hands off on his jacket, getting on all fours before slowly managing to pick himself up again.
He looks at you, tilting his head slightly like he was studying you.
“What?” you ask suspiciously, eyeing as he starts inching closer towards you. “What are you thinking?”
It’s like watching a newborn deer stumble its way through the world, albeit more gracefully, until he starts picking up speed. The motherfucker was going to mow you down.
The skates are useful but not so much when an extremely determined bumbling oaf is barrelling towards you, his speed beginning to match yours even without equipment.
You don’t know why you’re running, you don’t know why he’s chasing after you but when you see the end of the pool you take a sharp left only to have him knock right into you, sending you both sprawling.
You land half on top of him, breaking your fall but it doesn’t stop the very loud groan that escapes your mouth. He’s already in the process of sitting up straight, giving you less time to analyse what just happened.
“What the fuck was that for?” you speak through gritted teeth. “Fuckin’ acting like the both of us have free healthcare.”
“You refused to give up.”
“So your plan was to tackle me like a quarterback?” You threw your hands up.
“One part of it.” He drags himself to the edge, away from you.
“There's more to your monkey brained plan?” He doesn’t look at you. The ice around the pool has more or less melted, letting him gain proper footing on the floor before he stands up.
“Oh, yeah.” He turns to you. “The other’s a trick I stole from Stark.”
Bucky holds up the ring. Your jaw slightly drops, eyes searching your finger for the now missing piece of tech.
“Suppose that’s two points for me?”
You’re impressed. You also want to stab him. So you do the next best thing.
“When I imagined you holding a ring in front of me, the circumstances were very different,” you comment.
“Bye, Y/N.” He spins on his heel, not even giving you a second’s worth of reaction. You found it amusing.
He heads towards the door, clothes all wet. He empties out melted ice water from his beanie before stuffing it into his pocket. Just when he’s about to leave, you remember something.
Do you mean it genuinely or just because it has an effect on him?
“Just for the record, Barnes, about your hair-” you call out, earning his attention from over his shoulder. “I think you look really good either way.”
The world may never know.
You swear you can see the corners of his lips quirk upwards before he turns around again.
He slips on a block of ice, cursing and clenching on to the door to keep him upright, quickly yanking it open and leaving before he has a chance to embarrass himself further.
Smooth.
Next part
#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#mcu fic#bucky fic#bucky barnes fic#bucky fluff#bucky barnes fluff#bucky angst#bucky barnes angst#harmless fic#winter soldier x reader#Winter Soldier#bucky barnes#bucky
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Interactive Fiction to Look Out For On Itch.io
itch.io is a trove of interactive fiction games, visual novels, and kinetic novels of all types, and I’ve run into a good handful that I think are worth highlighting (and playing again myself!)
Many of these I haven’t finished yet due to the sheer amount of content or because I went for the ending I wanted straight away, but I’d love to finish them thoroughly and perhaps review some of them in the future.
A couple notes! First, it’s been a while since I’ve played some of these games, and some of them I haven’t seen all of the paths. I try to give warnings where needed, but my warnings might not be complete as I don’t know absolutely everything in each game. Please check the games’ pages and look after yourself!
Secondly, many of these are available free, and some are for sale at a low minimum price, but I encourage you to supporter the writers, artists, composers and developers in any way you can, whether that’s giving them a follow, donating, or just leaving a nice comment. Supporting indie creators is a huge part of what this blog is about so give back to those who create things you love! Now let’s get into the list!
Visual Novels:
Hikeback is a horror visual novel about hitchhiking, time loops, and murder. It gives a lot of incentive to keep playing and replaying, as the story advances almost every time you start again, with new choices and details being revealed as it all unravels. This game is incredibly engaging and beautifully written, and lives up to the promise of time loops and meta game mechanics. I recommend this for anyone who wants a good spooky, existential story. Be warned of loud noises, jumpscares, glitch effects, blood and violence, abuse, and themes of self harm, suicide, and depression. The itch.io pge has a list of content warnings as well as a full spoilery breakdown of warnings if you need them. You can find Hikeback on itch.io here!
Nothing to Say is a Visual Novel dating sim where you go on a date with Zoe, a girl you really like. The only problem is you’re very, very nervous. In this smart little game, you’ll be limited in how many letters you can use to express yourself, and you’ll have to unlock further dialogue options by getting to know Zoe, being honest with her, and being cute together. You’ll only earn letters from dialogue options once, encouraging you to explore more dialogue each playthrough until you get all the options to fully tell Zoe how you feel. Nothing to Say is playable here on itch.io!
Text-Interactive:
The Three-Body Problem is a queer romance interactive fiction about celestial witches living in a dark, magical wood when they encounter a young stranger. It features a nonbinary character, a potential polyamorous relationship, and healthy dom/sub dynamics. I found this story sweet and charming, with likable characters and pretty, easy to follow story writing. The Three-Body Problem deals with themes of abuse in a compassionate manner, and is in large part about healing and finding people with whom you are safe. I recommend it for anyone wanting a nice queer romance read with fantasy elements. Watch out for themes of abuse and sexual themes. You can purchase The Three-Body Problem on itch.io here for $5 or play a free mobile version from Wattpad!
Raik is a deeply Scottish fantasy melded with reality. You play as a young woman dealing with anxiety and stress trying to make it through her day, while a fantasy world unravels around her. This story has layers, and all of it is beautiful. The portrayal of anxiety is poignant and real, and the writing is gorgeous. I don’t want to say anything else to spoil it, but this game is fantastic. I recommend for anyone who likes to daydream. Please be warned of themes of anxiety, stress, and panic attacks as well as some fantasy violence. You can buy Raik here on itch.io for 3 GDP (or more! Please support the author!)
Space Frog! (I saw a lunar eclipse) is a story of a frog in space. He’s a frog and he’s in space! This is a cute, short interactive fiction with low stakes, no worries, just cute adventures of a frog in space. You can direct frog as he travels and learn more about him. It has adorable illustrations and clickable text that reveals extra flavor information. I recommend to anybody looking for a smile. You can play Space Frog here on itch.io and also download a zine of the game for $2 or more!
Floor is a text-interactive game about lying on the floor. You can lie on the floor, and you can get off the floor. What you do next is up to you! This is a short game with no real stakes, just real life boredom and activities. It may evoke feelings of loneliness or disappointment, but you can also just have some hummus. Floor can be played here on itch.io!
Apple Spice Pancakes is another short game about making pancakes with your sweetie! It’s entirely wholesome and adorable. The game text is all dialogue - the dialogue you read is from your partner, and your choices are your real-time responses to them. You can help them design your perfect breakfast while being disgustingly cute. Apple Spice Pancakes is available here on itch.io!
A Witch’s Word is a romantic text game where you have made a deal with a witch, offering her your firstborn. The only problem is you don’t have a child. Or a partner. The witch is here to help. Explore three potential relationships as your witch continues to introduce you to new sweethearts, trying to find someone who you are willing to love and who is willing to give up your child. And if you don’t want any of these people the witch offers you... maybe play the game anyway. See what can happen. A Witch’s Word is available here on itch.io!
Other:
Novena is an interactive poem! It’s a pixel art game that you navigate around, interacting with parts of the environment to read through the poem, which is about the ocean, and wishes, and expectations. And compassion. It has absolutely stunning visuals and music, and the poem makes me cry each time. Be warned of some really heavy feelings, but it will do its best to comfort you. The poem takes about five minutes to read and is here on itch.io waiting for you.
I hope a few of these games are of interest to you and that I’ve inspired you to support these great indie developers! If you wanna support me and see more articles and reviews on indie games, or encourage me as I learn to make my own, you can follow me here and on itch.io and support me with donations on ko-fi! Please reblog if you like this article, since tumblr will make it very hard to find with all these links. Have a great day and play some good games!
#indie games#interactive fiction#visual novels#game recs#itchio#itch.io#interactive text games#interactive games#interactive text#indie game dev#horror games#romance games#dating sims#gaming#video games
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