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slytherinshua · 5 months

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AOS WHEN THEIR S/O GETS HURT

genre. fluff. headcanon/reaction. warnings. injuries, fighting, and crying mentioned (not in detail at all). pairing. uk/yul/danggu/won x reader (all separate). wc. 750 (150-200 each). request. no. a/n. why do i think my writer's block is back help 😭 i'm so sorry if this is shit

JANG UK

he would be panicked but he wouldn’t show it

I think he’d be more angry than scared, and by angry, I mean really angry

like whoever hurt you is about to have all hell brought down on them

he has the ice stone, he’s the most powerful man in the world, he can definitely deal with whatever dude decided to mess with his s/o

he makes sure to check that you’re okay first before dealing with the situation, but it’ll just be a quick check, he wouldn’t stay too long

he likes to have the situation properly dealt with before he lets his guard down again

he’d be all soft afterwards with you especially if you were still injured

he can switch so quickly and drastically from scary and powerful to gentle and in love

he’ll make sure you take medicine or get medical attention from Sejukwon immediately

because you’re his top priority and he wants to make sure you’re safe before anything else

he might think about scolding you for not being careful

but then he’d also have to scold himself for not protecting you like he should, so he ends up staying quiet and just asking you if you’re okay in that soft worried voice of his

SEO YUL

like Uk, Yul wouldn’t show how worried he was

but he would be absolutely panic stricken inside

his heart would be beating so fast and he’d have to really focus on his breathing to not lose control

you getting hurt is like his worst nightmare

and he gets so flustered and scared that he definitely needs someone to accompany him to go find you because this boy is going to lose sense of direction quick 😭

he’ll drop whatever he’s doing to go to you immediately

if there’s an enemy in the way, he will deal with them in order to get to you, but he needs to make sure you’re okay before confronting whoever did it

he’d inspect you so carefully, the poor baby :(

even if it’s a little scratch that was an accident, he’d treat you as if you were made of glass even days after

and would always ask you how you were feeling and if there was anything you needed

he’s usually shy when you ask for hugs or kisses, but one of the only times when he’ll agree immediately is when you’re hurt

he just wants to make sure that he does everything in his power to make you feel better <3

PARK DANGGU

absolutely horrified, shocked, scared

he’s very emotive in his face unlike his friends

rushes to wherever you are, the panic practically surging through his entire body

if there was any fighting that needed to happen, he would calm himself down enough to not also get hurt in the fight

but he’s mainly just trying to get to you as fast as possible

could possibly cry depending on how badly you were injured

I feel like if he would, without thinking, pull you into a tight hug as soon as he saw you

and it would be such a tight hug that it would press on your wound

the only thing coming out of his mouth after you winced in pain is a string of “sorry”

he feels so bad, but his brain is honestly such a mess because of how worried he is

he’s a clumsy baby, so he might possibly make the situation worse on accident (before making it better with kisses and medical attention)

GO WON

makes it the absolute biggest deal, no matter if it’s a serious situation or a simple cut or scrape

he’s dramatic, you can’t tell me otherwise

but he would be genuinely worried about you because he cares about you so much

he is going to make sure everyone knows that you are his top priority just by how he drops everything and makes sure of your safety before anything else

and if any of the royal guards were responsible for not keeping you safe, he might fire them on the spot, just saying

he’ll make sure you get attended by the best masters in Sejukwon

he’s not going to take any chances when it comes to you and your safety

would be stubborn and either not let you leave his sight or have guards accompany you everywhere (new guards, not the old ones)

if his duties pulled him away from you, you would be on his mind every second until he knew that you were completely recovered

↳ k-drama taglist: @eternalgyu,, @wolfmoonmusic,, @cha3w0n-hearts,, @tempobaekh,, @candewlsy,, @cosmicwintr

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thegeminisage · 4 months

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it IS tng update time. saturday we watched "relics" and "schisms" and last night* we did "true q" and "rascals."

*times altered bc as usual im typing this up late at night

relics:

oh boy. ohhh my god

so like, i'd like to preface this with: i am not a scotty stan or anything. don't get me wrong i love the guy and i'm fascinated by the way he tricked me into thinking he had all ten fingers. like he's v fun and all. but im not like Extremely Emotionally Invested In Scotty. all right. that said

I CRIED. LIKE A BABY. no one was more shocked than i was. actually i'm sure catherine was not shocked at all

i didn't cry when he first showed up which is what i suaully do when i see spock. no, no, no, no. it was when he went to the holodeck and created the fucking BRIDGE OF THE ENTERPRISE. and they played the main theme!!! the sound effects were even the same!!!!!!! and like all his friends are dead now except spock and bones and bones frankly has one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel!!!!!!!! I'VE NEVER BEEN SO UPSET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

chronologically, this is also the last time we'll ever see a tos cast member coming back to reprise their role except for aos spock and um. an appearance which i do not wish to discuss now or ever. anyway it's definitely the last time in tng proper. and like yeah we have aos and snw and everything but those guys arent the OGs. AUGH.

also wah him saying the doctors are prettier on this enterprise. thats SO MEAN TO BONES………………….i miss him so bad and he's WAY prettier than beverly sorry beverly

i definitely wanted to kill geordi for yelling at scotty when he tried to tell his old man stories. im glad they hung out for the rest of the episode and that geordi treated him really niceys but it still felt a teensy bit patronizing of him at first like he was just doing it because picard told him to make scotty feel useful

THAT SAID. for once, i am pro picard, because picard is a giant nerd and he wanted to listen to scotty's old man stories as much as i did. not that i got to enjoy them while being blinded by tears. i'm actually genuinely tearing up right now while typing this just thinking about it. i think it was genuinely compassionate for picard to want to give scotty something he could genuinely help with in a way that WASN'T patronizing. like old people are just regular people you know. we all get old one day if we're lucky

spotted scotty's missing finger twice, which is two more times than i spotted it in my original watch of tos.

he remembered how to hide the missing finger (mostly) but forgot how to do his fake scottish accent. in his defense it's been ages and he was old but it was still funny

synthehol is wack. it's just another way in which there's no work-life boundary in tng. you're always on call, so you can never get drunk. you will NEVER have personal time aboard this ship. they can call you in your son's parent-teacher meeting. they can call you during birthday parties. you cannot raise your children here. but they do. anyway.

IT'S GREEN!!! i remember seeing a gifset of data floating around saying that to somebody, and then later i saw a gifset of scotty saying it in tos, but i didn't realize data was talking TO SOCTTY i thought it was just a reference!!!!!!! there were actually sooo many tos references in this episode, i was so pleased to hav caught them all <3

looooooved the dyson sphere. that was genuinely so fucking fascinating and it was the b plot!!!!! why can't it be the a plot!!!! it was so cool looking

i thot for a sec they were gonna kill scotty at the end and got REALLY worried but they didn't and he decided not to retire after all and good for him <3

anyway. that cry felt like a full-body workout. horrific.

schisms:

OFF GOES RIKER TO THE COFFEE SHOP

i waited so long to see the episode that gifset is from and it did NOT disappoint

my one sour note re: this ep was the beginning with data's poetry. can we please be nice to him and not loudly fall asleep in the front row. i know the circumstances are highly extenuating. i of all people understand sleep deprivation, which i am currently experiencing even as i type. but that was just rude!!! could he not have simply explained he was unwell and unable to attend!!!!!!! the crowd being restless was terrible. if you simply tell him that he has to have a limit on his poems he would understand. i'm glad geordi was an honest critic when data asked later but i would have liked to see data's results after incorporating his feedback. ok anyway

firstly, i loved when a little guy is sleep deprived. it was great when sam winchester did it and also great when riker does it

SECONDLY, that whole sequence with the table was fucking insane. everything getting darker and darker both literally and metaphorically and deanna starting to look uneasy near the end and riker's eyes being ABSOLUTELY HAUNTED and that table was basically like a chair, anyway

when they were like "yeah the aliens cut off your arm and reattached it" READER I HOLLERED. you can't just put a guy on a chair and tear his arm off and then make him forget stuff. please. it's been nearly 10 years.

when he's like theyre gonna take me again whether i want them to or not. yeah man they sure are. this isn't quite riker roulette but it is definitely adjacent

i think the best cure for insomnia is to be absolutely terrified of going to bed because you're still in uniform and have a tracking device on you because you are about to get abducted by fucking aliens. who could resist sleep after that.

i did wonder why he laid on the table so long before attempting his escape when time was precious but i doubt i could have done any better in his shoes. i sure did love the way that knife thing hung right above his neck though. i'm pretty sure we spent that entire scene hollering DISMEMBER HIM. TRAUMATIZE HIM!! and then they didn't <3 but i'm not even mad about it

anyway. 10/10 episode they need more space horror in star trek bc it's always fun. i remember reading that tos was originally meant to be space horror-y, but i found the pacing of those earliest episodes waaaay too slow. i want a star trek show with more dismemberment though.

true q:

mistakenly thot this episode was named qpid (got it mixed up) and was hoping for more of q wanting to fuck picard to so bad it makes him look stupid but all we got was one little arm around his shoulder. which was REALLLY funny because picard instantly made a face like he'd eaten sour lemon but we deserved more. to reiterate i do NOT want them to fuck i think the dynamic of q wanting to fuck and picard preferring to die first is the funniest possible set of circumstances

instead, q constantly displays predatory body language towards this EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. he leans really close to her and whispers in her ear and all that stuff and i did Not like it

i kept waiting for this girl to secretly be his child, or for her parents to have once been friends with him, but they literally were just randos to each other. disappointing, especially after he vanished while she was having her emotional moment on seeing their faces

where do the puppies go when she vanishes them? do they cease to exist?? did she just kill 12 puppies on screen???? too horrible to contemplate. i wish i could make kittens out of thin air though. actually that would be a terrible power the world is overpopulated with kittens as it is but STILL.

i want to know more about the weather altering net. we could have an entire episode about that alone. you just...got rid of tornadoes? and forest fires? did you fix climate change??

riker almost being killed by an empty barrel sent me into fits. they didn't strap them down after what happened to worf? this spaceship gets jostled horrifically EVERY EPISODE. what are they thinking!!!!!!!!!

RIKER ROULETTE STRIKES AGAIN. her bringing him to the alternate dimension and trying to lay on the moves was bad enough but using her powers to MAKE HIM START KISSING HER? HELLO???? i'm still mad they wrote an episode about rape and just used it for deanna fetish fuel instead of actually discussing what this poor guy goes through. why is it somehow ok/not noteworthy when it's men. come on now

it was kind of silly to have this girl go "no way im a human forever" and then immediately solve climate change on this other planet because her lil crush (/VICTIM???) was down there. like that was so rushed and weird

ultimately not a very good episode. i only like one thing about q and they did NOT deliver. he was also a misogynist to beverly once...like, die

rascals:

this got a 1 on letswatchstartrek.com and i simply disagree. i would have given it a 2 or mmmaybe 3. well no probably a 2 but STILL. first of all, tng's children are ALWAYS charming, and these guys were no exception, save possibly the kid who was playing picard, who was fine until the tantrum scene/riker's son bit, at which point i wanted to die

i never want to hear riker say daddy again.

i HAAAATE the ferengi theyre racist theyre misogynist i HATE THEM.

i felt like there was a missed opportunity with obrien and keiko to have him be cool about it, instead of awkward like everyone else. like i obviously dont think they should be canoodling or anything, gross, but there's nothing wrong with a little platonic compassion. he got there in the end ig but idk it would've made a nice contrast

how old is their fucking baby??? i just looked it up and she was born at the beginning of season 5...her ass is NOT old enough to be talking yet let alone full complete clear sentences??????

anyway speaking of compassion............GUINAN AND RO

i actually unironically loved ro's little arc here. anyone who had a shitty childhood will tell you they'd cut off their arm before going back, but she had to go back anyway, and guinan neither pitied her nor minimized anything she'd gone through. instead she got to occupy that space in a totally harmless way and receive a little closure. while the rest of this episode was okay-ish to maybe less than okayish (i NEVER want to hear riker say daddy EVER again) ro's little bit was so so so good.

re: ro...i love that we don't constantly bring her past and situation up as if it's the only thing about her but nor do we shy away from it and how it's shaped her and the narrative has never once suggested she's too harsh or too angry or whatever. of course with a season and a half left there's still time to ruin it but so far her whole thing has been one of the very few instances where tng is doing everything wonderfully.

NEXT TIME: "a fistful of datas" (noooo it's a holodeck episode) and "the quality of life."

#personal #star trek blogging #tng lb #i hope im not at work when this posts but u never know.

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ciaossu-imagines · 5 months

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Hello! I hope your week is going good. I’d like to request Ao No Exorcist Lucifer relationship headcanons with a female half human/ half angel s/o? Please and thank you!

Of course, dear! I'm so sorry this took forever to get to you but I hope you enjoy! I'll be open and upfront in that I had really just reached the unmasking of Lucifer when I took a break from reading the manga, so I hadn't gotten to see a lot of his personality and such, so there's a high chance these are probably out of character, though I tried my best.

I do see Lucifer as being someone who doesn't really judge based on species. He wants the different species to really be able to coexist with each other with some level of peace, due to the idealistic worldview he holds. So I really don't think that his partner's status as being half-human and half-angel would change the way he treats them in any noticeable way, shape, or form.

Now, I do see him as someone who does enjoy having a relationship. He finds a lot of support in it and he does truly care about his partner, but for him, the cause and the Illuminati come first. His goals are large, but he is entirely devoted to them and his partner is going to have to truly understand that. They'll need to be accepting that he's not always going to have the most time for them and that, while he will love them in his own way, as much as he's able, they are always going to be second-place in some ways for him. Changing the world and instituting a better one is time-consuming after all.

Going along with that...because Lucifer is really very idealistic, albeit a little naïve in some ways, and so incredibly devoted to ideals, his partner's worldview and ideals will have to meet his own. He's not going to be able to be open-minded and agree to disagree, not on important things like ideals. His partner will have to support his goals and be devoted to those ideals as well. He'll expect their support and will appreciate it, but if they cannot match up with him in those ways, he simply cannot find it in himself to sustain a relationship with them.

Lucifer is, in some ways, very proper and prim. He does have some very traditional views of relationships and how they should work and progress. He'll put emphasis on going on actual dates, on getting to properly know someone. He'll put in the old-school romantic gestures, such as pulling out chairs, standing when his partner comes to the table to meet him, opening doors for them, buying them flowers and small gifts. Courtship is going to play a huge role early on and courtship and wooing his partner isn't going to be something he rushes through.

He's not going to be physically intimate right away, not at all. There's an appropriate length of time, in Lucifer's mind, before he'll even kiss a person he's been dating and sexual relations are definitely saved for when they are, and have been, in a committed relationship for a set amount of time.

When he is with his partner, because they do get less time together than he knows his partner would like, he makes sure that he gives his partner his undivided attention. In those moments his partner will feel like they're really the only person in existence, because that is the level of focus and attention Lucifer will lavish on them.

#replies #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #lucifer #headcanons

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aromanticbuck · 2 years

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Ooh, read your meta on Jay and the mice and I was wondering if maybe it would be up your alley to write a fic or make a moodboard blurb about Mouse having DID with Brandon and Gregory in his head and Jay trying to figure out why his best friend sometimes seems like a different person or doesn't remember having gone to bed with someone or why he has injuries or bruises sometimes? Maybe Gregory is the personality that deals with Mouse's parents? And maybe Brandon is the playboy? And Mouse was the one who was addicted and worked with Jay and all that?

[ meta post ]

Hi, nonny!

Sorry this took so long to get to! I saw it as I was getting into bed last night and knew I wanted to wait until I was back on my laptop to answer this (answering things on the app confuses me I hate it the formatting is always a struggle), and then... my brain hyperfocused on spoiled rich boy scenarios and refused to cooperate with anything else. But! I'm here now! And focused on this ask! And oh my god... nonny. I don't know who you are, obviously, but if you followed me in my Marvel era, you know this is a very specifically targeted request.

I know this is niche as hell, but in my Agents of SHIELD era, I was a Leo Fitz blog. I had an RP blog for him at one point. 5x14 of aos is my favorite episode. I know this means nothing to so many people because like 80% of my followers are for One Chicago, but yes, this is up my alley!

we didn't get enough exploration of Leo and that episode as The Doctor/Leopold, and I definitely have a lot of problems with the narrative around it, but the Framework and its aftereffects on him are my favorite arc for his character, easily, and I still think about it often

but that's not on topic, I'm sorry, brain is going very fast because I've had caffeine, and I miss my Marvel boy*

Yes, exploring an AU where Mouse has DID and exploring the alternates of Brandon and Gregory (and the idea of Mouse adopting that nickname as a way to further differentiate between personalities and keep himself... organized, I guess? fascinated by that implication, actually) is absolutely something I'm interested in. However... I don't know enough about DID to write a proper fic, I don't think. Moodboard(s?) + a blurb might be in the cards, though. I'm going to think about this a lot.

And I love the idea of Brandon being the playboy. He's definitely the most flirty, of the three, because rejection and judgement don't scare him? On a separate note, I'm not entirely sure Brandon is human. Maybe we should check on that.

Thank you so much for this thought, anon. It's going to consume my every waking moment. 💜

#answered #alex says things #anon #mouse gerwitz #gregory gerwitz iv #oc; brandon platt #the mice™#they get a tag because I love them

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mstrchu · 2 years

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big big shoes to fill

#nezha reborn #new gods: nezha reborn #ao bing #art tag #this movie is about... identity...!#ok i know there's some uncertainty surrounding like the actual nature of ao bing's reincarnation #but i personally like to think it was like he was reborn as just a kid and had to grow up again #because i think it creates this seriously fucked up situation where he has his yuan shen his whole life #and obviously he doesn't have the same like. cognitive dissonance issues that li yunxiang has where lyx just talks to his nezha yuan shen #as like a separate entity/person entirely when it's like that is literally just you my guy #(and part of that is probably because for him it's like well I'm a grown man and this soul projection is a Child)#BUT ANYWAY THIS POST ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT LI YUNXIANG SORRY AS I WAS SAYING #i cant imagine how fucked it would be to grow up with this visible #palpable projection of your adult self that you're supposed to grow up to be because it's who you were in the past #this ideal You that you can see #that simultaneously Is you and is something else entirely #literally always trying to fill your own shoes and to recreate this You #not to mention never being sure if your father loves You and put in all this effort to bring You back #or if he loves and wants back this version of you that existed 3000 years ago #shit's crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#ive been stewing on this for a minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the past 2 weeks have been cray zee but i really wanted to make this..#also excuse to draw baby ao bing.#gonna queue this for tomoz i think

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asirensrage · 2 years

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@vixenofcourse You can always ask and I am happy to answer! Thank you for asking.

Kate:

💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

Kate is pretty well adjusted. I think the emotions she has the most trouble with are her loneliness and anger. I mean, she recovers really well (especially from the anger) but she burns fast and lashes out. Sometimes she doesn't think things through until afterwards.

Quest:

🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?

Cake. Really it's sour candy, but she'll take what she can get in Dauntless.

Sarai:

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self-destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

Yes, but in the sense that she will not waste her time if she feels something isn't worth her energy. She will make decisions in a moment and then stick by them, even if she later has doubts. While it's worked well with school, it's exactly the thing that leads her to her main problem with Billy. I don't think she's entirely aware that she does it, which is what hinders her.

Toni:

🌪️ TORNADO - what is the biggest change you've ever made to them? how have they changed from their original version?

Uhhh...I don't think I've really made any changes to her. Maybe her being pansexual? But that's only because I don't actually tend to think of labels on my ocs in the beginning. It suits her well though. (even if her relationships haven't entirely worked out before she meets John).

Darcy:

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

No. I mean, aside from the fact that this girl is being flung through time, I don't see Darcy as holding any significance to anything from her childhood. She'd much rather leave her family behind and not hold any mementos to remember how disappointed they were in her. Losing something just leaves her open to replacing it with something better. Which, you know, she does ;)

Amelia:

🍁 MAPLE LEAF - what is their favourite season? why?

Well, it used to be winter so she didn't have to go outside...I'm kidding. It's Spring. The reason is because it is a season for growing, for new beginnings and proof that no matter what winter brings, something always remains. (...and that's a bit sad when you put it into the context of AoS...sorry.)

Sofie:

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - what's a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

Sofie is capable of incredible violence. She doesn't like to show it because she likes to be unnoticed, or someone no one would suspect. It will serve them all well in the future, but I think at this moment, only Anton and Aleksander are really aware of what she's capable of. (others suspect but she plays the old lady role well that it's mostly forgotten)

Olaf:

🎁 PRESENT - what types of presents would they be most happy to receive? are they good at gift-giving?

Olaf likes anything. Especially anything that shows you put thought into it. He is continuously surprised when he gets a gift that shows someone has listened to him. (*cough*his dog sled*cough*). He is a great gift-giver because he gives the type of gifts that he would like to get, something that shows you put thought into it and the person you're giving it to.

Bonus: Hermione Granger! (in "It's Always Darkest Before the (Second) Dawn")

❤️ RED HEART - their love language(s)?

100% quality time and acts of service. That's how she shows her love.

𝐎𝐂 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒!

#vixenofcourse #oc asks #thanks for asking!#I hope this made sense #oc: kate thompson #oc: darcy #oc: quest #oc: olaf #oc: sofie #oc: amelia elswood #oc: toni #oc: sarai

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startreckobsessed · 4 years

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Let you go

Hi! Can i make a request? 🥺 For AOS Leonard Mccoy? With a lil bit of TOS Old Spock. Should probably set on Into Darkness, Bones and reader broke up between the event of the first and second film, so bones was a bit unbothered to flirt with Dr.Marcus (he’s trying to make reader jealous). Old spock talk them out of their misery by telling them that they’re story was quiet unique because in his timeline they didn’t even met, so they should cherish it. (Or whatever, as long as spock intervenes). They talk, and made up. And oh, fluff. Emotional tear jerking fluff. Thank you thank you!!

I have this idea (this was supposed to be a different request, but hey! ), that reader used to date and was in love with this hotshot before she met Leonard. Said ex died in action as a honored captain. Reader was devistated. Again this was supposed a different request, but you can make it as a back story. Can i make this my second request? Hehe 🥺😅

@lykxzandlove Thank you for requesting darling, and thanks for your patience, this one really faught me haha. If you recognise some of the dialogue it's from thirteen reasons why.

Warnings: ANGST ANGST ANGST. I may or may not have cried while writing this.

[[READ MORE]]

You stood in rank dressed in your grey uniform, cap framing your line of vision, shoulder to shoulder between checkov and Sulu as you gazed up at the podium where captain pike was speaking.

"Exceptional courage, is what drives us....

And our crew, is what fuels us..."

Your crew had just finished the first two year leg of your mission. A long two years...

"Let's take a moment to pay tribute to past captain's whom have made the ultimate sacrifice..." the images roll, and a firmiliar face flashed before your eyes and you suck in a breath, squeazing your eyes shut to keep your tears at bay.

You breath out carefully out of your nose, trying desperately to keep the sudden onslaught of emotions contained.

People told you time would numb it, but even give years later, the pain was still fresh and raw each and every time you heard his name, or saw his picture pop up in your records.

You gritted your teeth, struggling to ground yourself in this moment, focusing on your feet on the ground.

You blinked harshly, lifting your face and focusing your attention on captain Pike.

You don't fail to notice the doctors face turned toward you, no doubt brows mashed together over concerned eyes. The urge to meet his eyes and sink into their depths is nearly overpowers your will, but you hold strong, chin high.

------

You had never meant to fall for Leonard. You were deep in it before you even realised what was happening. You were complacent with where you were, some people go their entire lives without knowing true love, you got yours. You didn't feel the need for a new one. But there he came, blazing and true like a comment blasting across the black abyss your crew so faithfully piloted. It happened so naturally, slipping through your defences so you never noticed it.

Until it was too late, and both of you had been wounded in the process.

----

"Sweetheart?" Leonard called from behind you. You cursed silently, slowly turning to face him, trying to keep the guilt off your face as you turned to face him. "You should probably stop calling me that.." You said softly. He frowned, and not the way you liked when he was being sardonic or adorably frustrated with the captain, this one was real.

"Sorry." He said "habit. Are you alright? You left the ceremony yesterday so quickly..." you shake your head, looking away from him. "Fine, I'm fine." You said, swiftly turning and walking away from him. He frowned, looking after you, not noticing his hand was slightly extended, reaching out for you.

------

Later that day, you made your way down to the mess hall, spotting the old Ambasseter Spock, sitting alone by a window. You go through and get your food before approaching the table, greeted by a warm smile.

"Hello ambassator, " you awenered with your own. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all Y/N. Your company has always always been welcome." You sit down across from him. "Do tell me, how is the good doctor doing." Your fork freezes near your mouth before you set it down. "Oh, I don't know." He frowns deeply.

"I can't imagine why not." He says. "We-" your voice cracks. You clear your throat. "Were not together anymore." Suprise flits crosses his face.

"Well, now that can't be right." He says. You grimace, "I know, nothing feels right anymore, it's like reality has been tilted on its hinges, but..."

"If you don't mind me prying..." He prompts. "Go ahead, you can ask."

"What caused the separation?"

"me." You say thickly. Unexpectedly he reaches across the table and pats your hand in a grandfatherly gesture.

"And by my estimation, you do not seem satisfied with the conclusion, correct?" You hesitate before nodding. "Then mabey its time to rethink that course of action?" Your eyes widen before you look down at the table, shame radiating off of you. "I can't do that, I've already hurt him too bad, I still hurt him." You grimace, thinking of the encounter in the hallway. "I don't know how to stop hurting him." You say, more to yourself than to him.

"Then perhapse it's time to discover what is hurting you." He says. You look away into the porthole, into the black inky abyss that you sometimes wished would swallow you up.

"You know, you two are a remarkable pair." You look at him quissicly. "What makes you say that?" "In every universe I've traveled there are differences, the events in a person's life, and how they react to them, shape who they become. In every universe a different set of events happen in both of your lives, and yet every single time, one of the only constants I find are both of you coming together, no matter the space or the time nor the obstacles placed before you, the one constant is your souls coming together. And from what I can tell, it hurts your souls to be apart."

Question bubbles to your lips, but you silence it. "Ask your question, Y/N." You smile grimly. "You know me too well." "Well I've only had two lifetimes to know you."

"Where you come from... what are we like?" He smiles fondly, memories coming back to him. He sighs in a melancholy way.

"Your other self passed on just a few months ago, from a human ailement not yet curable, he blames himself for not being able to save you." Your eyes widened before blinking in shock. "Wow, thats... God how is he?" He frowns even more deeply. "Trying to go day by day, but losing someone one loves so deeply for so long... is not an easy thing to accommodate to." "Well whats.." many questions bubble to your lips at once before deciding on one. "I-Is he alone?" You ask, voice cracking. He shakes his head. "The good captain has come to earth to stay with hm, along with your daughter and grandchildren." "Joanna?" He smiles just slightly. "Well I couldn't give everything away could I?" You bark out a teary laugh and he chuckles. "But time, is so very precious my dear, you yourself told me that after your diagnosis." "Well, at least one of us has sense."

"But to thoroughly awenser your question, might I go over a timeline?" "Yes, I'd like that." You sigh, resting your head on your palm. "You met on this ship, like so many other times...."

--------

A few days later, you smooth down your hair as you look in the mirror. You were ready to come clean with Leonard about everything you've been keeping buried. Your heart thundered at the thought of unearthing the source of so much pain, but you were ready to start again with him, start fresh, open and raw, with no secrets.

You exited your quarters and went looking for him. Your fingers nervously tapped against your legs as you walked, looking for him, first going to the Med bay. Christine greeted you, her brows burrowing when you ask for him. "Oh hun, he's off planet on a mission." "Oh." You say "thank you Christine." You say before dashing off for the bridge, where you knew they'd be monitoring.

The tube doors opened up and you made your way to stand next to the captains chair, where Jim was watching. He greeted you silently with a nod, both of you listening to the audio feed coming in. You asked what they were doing, knowing he could probably hear you being so close to Jim. Jim quietly filled you in. "We found some ancient Clingon battle tech on this planet, were trying to salvage it."

"Well sweetheart, there something I can help you with?" His voice came through painfully clear, flirtatious and laying it on thick. Your heart seized and you swallowed against the lump suddenly stuck in your throat

Jim eyed you warily "Dr. McCoy may I remind you you are not there to flirt." He said in a stern voice, concerned for your feelings. Dr. Marcus' voice rang in. "We've got it, beam us up."

Once you saw him you forgot that you were surrounded by your crewmates, your hurt voice ringing out.

"You... You called her sweetheart." You said, betrayal filling you, eyes filling with tears.

Without another word you took off down the adjoining hallway, Leonard taking off after you. You sped until you were in an abandoned hallway two floors down with him still following.

Your face got hot, embarasment taking hold. You didn't want to cry over a tiny little word.

His eyes widened, regret filling them when he saw how hurt you were. "Baby- " he stopped himself. He only called you baby when he was really concerned.

"No, no I'm sorry. It's okay, Carols great, she's a great person." You forced out, turning to try and walk away. He grabbed your arm spinning you back around. "I don't want Carol. I want you. I'm sorry." You blinked. "So your not ready to move on?" He shakes his head vehidamently. "It was stupid. So stupid. I've never done anything like that in my life. I wanted to make you jealous." It felt like all the air was sucked from your lungs.

"You still want me? After evrything-" he shakes his head. "My god woman, were you listening? Yes! I love you." He breaths, gently squeezing your bicep. "But I- I hurt you! I broke up with you without giving you a reason-" "I know, sweetheart." He says Your heart stopped.

"You know?"

"I know as much as I can guess. But why don't you tell me?" You took a shuddering breath.

"So you know I was on a different ship before this one."

"Yes."

"When I went onto that ship from the academy, I came with the captain. He made it so we'd make it onto the same ship, because we were..."

"together?"

You nodded. "We loved each other. He was my captain, and I was by his side as head of security and defense tactics." He nodded, fingers pressed against his lips as he listened. "One day, we were attacked by an enemy bregade, and crash landed us on a deserted planet. In order to save me, he threw himself in front the lazer that would have incinerated me and two other crew members. They would have killed all of us, all it did was incinerate him.

After he was killed the crew, furious overpowered them, and we survived, but..." You trailed off, before looking back to him. "How did you know?"

He sighed, as if debating telling you something. "As part of protocol, a captain must... gain permission from Starfleet to enter into marriage with another crew mate. His request form was entered just a few days before his death, with your name attached." You stilled, before another wave of emotion crashed over you. A sob escaped you, and you leaned against the wall for support, a hand coming up to try to muffle your cries.

Leonard watched you with glassy eyes, your pain like a twisting knife in his chest. He waited for a moment before slowly inching forward to wrap his arms around you, testing the waters. You pull him closer, wrapping your arms tightly around him, his warmth sinking into your cold body. "I'm sorry." He whispers into your neck. "I'm so sorry." You shake your head, pressing your face into his neck. His scent calmed you, and eventually your breathing slowed as his hands rubbed your back. "I love you." You said, his hands paused, and he untangled himself to look at you, hope in his eyes. "Really?" "Yes, I'm sorry I made such a mess. Do you want to try this again?" You ask. He let out a breathless chuckle before pressing his lips to your forehead. "Yes, God yes." You smile teary eyed, bittersweet joy filling you. You placed your hands on both sides of his face before giving him a slow melting kiss, thumbs stroking his face. "I just have to do something first." You say. His brows crease slightly, but he let's you go. "Okay.." He says uuncertainly

You smile. "I'll come and see you at dinner, okay?" "Yeah, I'll see you."

---------

You entered your quarters without turning on the light, blindly reaching for your padd. It glowed brightly in the darkness of your room, easily finding the picture of him you loved the most, him dashing in his captains uniform hat just a little bit crooked, every inch of him glowing from happiness. Hot thick tears leaked from your eyes as You gently placed your padd on the table in front of your window, his face materializing against the empty black abyss, somewhere where you knew his ashes were scattered, floating forever in the universe, amidst stardust and wonder.

"I love you." You whispered into the silence, looking at him. "Wherever you are, I hope you know that I love you. I hope you know that I'll never not love you... a good friend once told me, I can love you, and still let you go.... I know one day, thinking about you won't hurt so much, and the other feelings will fade, and I'll be only left with love. The way you loved me so fiercly and how i loved you. I'll never forget you i promise, how could I? Even when I'm dying I know you'll come back to me, when I'm old and tired. But there is this amazing man that I love that wants to love me, and I think I'm ready to be happy again. I know you'd want me to be." You looked back at his flickering image

"I hope we meet again. And So, Derek.... I love you, and I let you go. And I hope wherever you are, you feel peace, you feel safe...and I hope you know that I love you." You say, a feeling of weight being stripped off of you makes you feel lighter, and a strange peace settles over you, and somehow you know he hears you.

"I'll never forget you."

#bones x reader #leonard mccoy imagine #leonard mccoy x reader #star trek fanfics #star trek drabble #star trek imagine #mine

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thelifeofannabanana · 2 years

Text

I posted 6,551 times in 2021

51 posts created (1%)

6500 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 127.5 posts.

I added 9,319 tags in 2021

#agents of shield - 2582 posts

#jemma simmons - 1515 posts

#fitzsimmons - 1372 posts

#leo fitz - 1295 posts

#marvel - 657 posts

#mcu - 606 posts

#daisy johnson - 486 posts

#wandavision - 312 posts

#peggy carter - 281 posts

#steve rogers - 213 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

My Top Posts in 2021

OKAY STOP

So I’m finally watching AoS again after being scarred from 5x14 (and knowing what happens in 5x22) and I’m on 5x16

And I’m at Jemma’s “experiment” with the hydraulic fluid and water and Fitz screaming “JEMMA” and banging on the glass when she is acting like she drank the hydraulic fluid is literally JUST LIKE HIS SCREAM THROUGH THE LAB DOORS ON THE BUS DURING FZZT

IM FINE (no I’m not)

27 notes • Posted 2021-06-06 18:18:31 GMT

I don’t think I will ever be over the fact that FitzSimmons had a BABY

Like after all the crap they were put through, they made it out, and created this adorable little human being who you know is loved SO MUCH

Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz are freaking PARENTS

Sorry rewatching saved FS edits on YouTube has me all up in my FS feels right now

29 notes • Posted 2021-09-22 01:01:50 GMT

rules: we’re snooping in your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first 10 songs and then choose 10 victims

Thanks for the tag, @eowima❤️

Cassiopeia, Sara Bareilles

Conceal, Don't Feel, Frozen Score

Revenge Is Gonna Be Mine, Colin O'Donoghue - Once Upon A Time Musical Episode

Now I'm Here- Live at the Hammersmith Odeon, Queen

Gonna Get Over You, Sara Bareilles

Hawaiian Rollercoster Ride, Lilo & Stitch

I wanna Dance With Somebody, Whitney Houston

Sweet Child O' Mine, Guns N' Roses

Water Under the Bridge, Adele

Heavenly, Lea Michele

LOL this is quite the mix, haha

now for the tagging: @springmagpies @2minutes2midnight @agentofship @kevdog22 @besidemethewholedamntime @infinitestarsintheskye @eclecticmuses @ughfitz @dailyjemmagifs and @arbyeatscheesebuns if you want! :D

32 notes • Posted 2021-05-05 21:46:42 GMT

Oh my god this baby philinda flashback is KILLING ME. I love them so much.

“I’m good with my hands”

“Not how I remember it”

“I didn’t know you that well back then”

“You were undercover as my HUSBAND”

I’m dead 😂💕

(4x14)

34 notes • Posted 2021-03-31 22:03:28 GMT

FitzSimmons headcanons that live in my mind rent free

Academy Days:

During their time at the Academy, there were SEVERAL times they both fell asleep in one of their beds because they were up so late studying/working on projects.

like they hung out in each other’s dorms all. the. time (except when they were in the lab)

Jemma always sat in the front row in the classroom.

Fitz never did (except if it was a class him and Jemma had together, then he was right there next to her).

After FS became friends, they, without fail, would bring the other up in every conversation they had with their parents.

So much so that both sets of parents became suspicious (in a good way) of the other young cadet their child was spending all their time with.

When Mrs. Fitz met Jemma for the first time, she IMMEDIATELY loved her.

Mr. and Mrs. Simmons felt the same way about Fitz after meeting him for the first time.

Both sets of parents eventually got each other's numbers and definitely talked about their kids and how they shipped them together.

Growing up, Fitz took apart and put back together nearly every machine/contraption in their house

However, Mrs. Fitz didn't mind... most of the time.

Skip ahead/Future:

FS had one other kid after Alya, probably another daughter.

The shield fam are Aunts/Uncles to the FS kids (Aunt Elena/YoYo, Uncle Mack, Aunt Daisy, Uncle Daniel, Aunt Bobbi, Uncle Lance/Hunter).

Except for May and Coulson who are more like a third set of grandparents.

The shield fam has a group chat with the whole team in it (Jemma, Fitz, Daisy, May, Coulson, Mack, Elena, Bobbi and Hunter).

Jemma constantly sends photos and videos of the kids to said group chat, and they demand more if she hasn’t sent any in a while.

The FS kids are 100% spoiled by the team.

Alya definitely had a monkey themed nursery when she was a baby.

72 notes • Posted 2021-10-05 21:52:45 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Ahh I love this

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wwhitewwolff · 5 years

Text

Good morning

Bucky Barnes X Reader

Warnings: cheating, insecurities, lies, angst, misleading storyline?? This one is long

Summary: when Bucky stops texting his long distance girlfriend good mornings each morning she gets suspicious, going back to America to visit him she's in for a surprise she had never expected.

A/N: guess who's writing again? No one because no one guessed because like 3 people will read this and it will be dead forever *shrug* I feel like this storyline is really misleading so, sorry? Also AOS is a main theme for this but if you don't watch the show it really doesn't matter

This is Bobbie btw for anyone who wants to know what she looks like for this

It had been over a year since you had seen your boyfriend, well properly seen your boyfriend, moving back to England was a hard decision for you but you knew it was the best one, you knew that taking the promotion was the best thing you could do but your mind was still constantly plagued with insecurities and worries, but you knew Bucky wasn't like that, he could never? Could he?

It had started about 3 months ago, his usually cheerful morning texts which never failed to bring a smile to your face had stopped, almost ceased to exist, from his constant hey, baby! How's my gorgeous girl? To his babyyy! Wake uupp! It's been too long! Facetime me when you're free my pretty doll. his morning texts had fallen to a simple hey or I'm busy we'll talk later and the main fact he never bothered to text first anymore had caused your usual insecurities to skyrocket, why did he never have time to send you a simple hello anymore? Or more importantly who meant he didn't have the time?

Your phone buzzed as you say in bed, mind plagued by thoughts, you immediately shot up, hopefully Bucky had gone back to usual? Opening your phone you had found a simple text from your boss Phil 'meet me in the headquarters at 10', why was Phil in England? More importantly why did he need to see you?

Standing up you prepared yourself for the day to come.

"Hey y/n/n!" Your good friend and teammate Bobbi chirped as she brought you your regular morning drink

"mornin' Bob" you slurred out as you wrapped your coat around your frame tightly, shivering as you took in the very open windows.

"someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Argh! No! Stop throwing things at me!" Hunter shrieked as Bobbi began throwing pillows at him.

"Wow, adorable couple" you mumbled as you took in the pair, after getting remarried the pair had fallen deeply in love once again, you wished you could have that but unfortunately being the director of S.A.B, shield associations Britain you barely had the time to speak to Bucky, yet alone the time to break up with him or move on, whereas normal couples may have fallen apart you were way to busy to even think about dating or parties or even making new friends, you stuck to your own lane.

"hunter! Barbra!" A familiar, fatherly voice boomed as the familiar figure of Phil Coulson stepped into the office, taking in the pair he hadn't seen since Russia "I thought you two were never coming back to shield?" He grinned happily

"we could never leave our dear y/n alone in a country! She's so far into work she hasn't even been shopping yet!" Bobbie exasperated "and please, Phil! Dont call me Barbra! Barbra is far worse than any possible nickname you could give me!" The blonde grinned cheekily

"Bobbie, stop being so dramatic, we went shopping last month!" You shook your head playfully as you took a seat at your desk, gesturing for Phil to sit opposite you beside Hunter -who had perched himself happily onto one of the plush leather chairs-

"I need you to come back to New York for a while" Phil stated softly

"what? Really? Ohmygosh nofreakingway!" You shrieked happily

"English, y/n/n!" Hunter playfully chided, wagging a finger at you as you practically glowed, you had missed your friends and especially Bucky.

"when?" You asked excitedly

"next month, I'm sending agent Piper to hold things down till you get back here" Phil smiled at the young woman, barely reached her late 20's and still so experienced yet full of life. A small smile graced his lips as he watched the h/c girl jump up and start rambling.

• time skipy•

The buzz of the quinjet filled your ears as you stepped off, e/c orbs wandered as you took in the familiar tower in which your boyfriend and some of your closest friends lived, sighing deeply you grabbed Bobbi's hand and quickly guided her to the doors

"nervous?" She asks over the low rumble of the quinjet ascending back into the air and back to the main s.h.i.e.l.d base. Turning your head to face Bobbi you opened your mouth to deny but quickly remembered how useless it would be- you knew the spy since s.h.i.e.l.d academy! She knows you better than you do and vice versa

"I don't know why, b! I mean I'm going to see some of my best friends AND my boyfriend!' you blurted out exasperated, anyone walking past might have looked at you like you're crazy but Barbara Morse was your best friend in the entire world and she had seen much worse than you screaming out into the rough winds.

"y/f/n" she stopped walking abruptly piping your linked arms backwards with her "has Bucky been acting weird with you?" She asked inquisitively, shrugging you immediately regretted not speaking to her about Bucky before, she would have helped. "Oh y/n/n; you didn't you tell me? No wonder you're so skitterish today! Whatever it is I'm sure it's nothing too big, Bucky loves you and I can even tell that without meeting the man! He's probably on a mission or something, he IS an avenger" Bobbi calmly rubbed your back as she spoke, guiding your hand to the identification scanners.

"thanks Bob, you always know how to make me feel so much better. I love you" you sighed dreamily, aiming to annoy the woman "oh you cow! Stop being so corny!" The blonde laughed aloud and she lightly smacked your hand, walking into the escalators you began calming your nerves, you felt like a giddy teenager going to her first date. And you hated it. The fact that a few stupid texts had lead you into this trivial paranoid stage had fully set into your mind. It was Bucky for god's sake! James Buchanan Barnes, the same James who stumbled over his words when asking you out, the same bucky who arrived an hour early to pick you up for said date and almost died when he realised, the same Mr Barnes who quit the avengers (although for 10 minutes) to be with you. He was your Bucky and you don't need texts to know that.

As the elevator doors pinged open you and Bobbie stepped out and into the large lounge which occupied the avengers.

Looking up Steve's mouth gaped open before jumping up and accidentally flipping the table over as he ran towards you "Y/N/N! YOU'RE HERE OH MY! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN SO LONG! I MISSED YOU!! AND IM SO SORRY ABOUT HOW HE-" Steve blabbered out as he squeezed hugged you tightly, barley taking in anything he was saying you were quick to end his ramblings

"'tevie! I've missed you and all but shhhh inside voices remember" you laughed as the soldier nodded looking like a lost puppy

"sorry y/n/n but I've missed my best friend so-" this was when Bobbie felt to make her presence known "hold up! Wait a minute! If anyone is y/f/n's best friend; it's ME. So sit down mate, she's mine" bobbie stated proudly, reminding you of your (then) puppy when meeting Bucky

Shaking your head you introduced Bobbie and greeted everyone else, sitting down inbetween Pietro and Wanda you looked around the room, the obvious man who wasn't in the room still plagued your mind "hey,guys where Bucky?" You asked with a small smile, the avengers a looked at you as if you'd grown 2 heads "what? Can't I see my boyfriend?" You laughed, greeted with silence you stood up "I check I'll check his room then?" You asked wearily before all but sprinting our the room, barely noticing how the room erupted and bob and Steve had run after you.

The elevator door closed as soon as you stepped inside, you were so confused, why was everyone so shocked? Especially when you called him your boyfriend? And Steve looked mortified! Taking a deep breath you stepped out and walked to your "boyfriends" door

"hmm yes buck!" A feminine voice sighed from the room as you neared it, stopping about a step away from the door you could almost feel the tears gathering in your e/c orbs, pushing them away you stopped to listen...not a sound came out, your mind must have been playing tricks surely!

Gulping a big breath of air you stepped forwards and opened the door quickly "Bucky! Surprise! I'm- Oh my god" your playful tone turned quiet and lifeless and you took in the scene Infront of you, bucky laying almost naked ontop of a scantily clad Natasha

•

Steve knew something was wrong the moment you asked for Bucky, why would she ask where Bucky is? Bucky had told the team he broke up with her to date Natasha MONTHS ago, then y/n called him her boyfriend and the entire team was stunned as it dawned onto steve.

Bucky didn't break up with his girlfriend, he was cheating on her with Natasha whilst the girl was off being a good person in England.

Steve quickly ran after his friend, Bobbie following shortly after as they attempted to keep up with the h/c girl, when the elevator doors closed quickly the man knew he was far too late.

"Rogers? Care to explain?!" Morse snapped as she stared up at the giant of a man

"buck...no" too in shock to believe Bucky, HIS Bucky would do this, words Jumbled and the man leaned against the wall awaiting the lift to come

"spit it out Rogers! If something is wrong with my best friend I need to know!" Barbara placed a hand onto the blondes arm, staring into his eyes as she searched for answers

"Bucky said they broke up, he's been seeing natasha since October"

•

Bucky knew he'd messed up, quickly scrambling off of natasha and throwing the blanket over her barely clothes body the ex assassin stared up at his girlfriend...well ex now he guessed

"you... little...I can't even.." you gasped out as you stepped back into the hallway

"y/n! Baby no!" He cried running after you

"OH FUCK OFF BARNES" your calm yet betrayed tone turned Malicious as you turned too him in a rage and screamed, the other avengers at this point had caught up and we're watching shocked, they had seen your angry side of the field or in life or death situations (or scariest of all, during monopoly) but never had you ever screamed or raised your voice at any of them and here you were fists clenched and body shaking as you stated at the man Infront of you.

"YOU ARE HONESTLY THE MOST EVIL MAN I'VE EVER MET! WHILST IM OUT THERE WORKING SO HARD FOR SHIELD YOURE WHORING AROUND WITH THAT SLAG?!" You screamed, natahsa at this point had stepped out and stared at you in shock

"Hey! You want a punch, bitch?!"

"she's not a slag!" The pair yelled at the same time, this just fueled your rage.

"OH FUCK OF! DON'T KID ANY OF US NATASHA YOU SLEEP YPUR WAY THROUGH LIFE AND YOU BARNES IM SURPRISED YOU EVEN GOT NATASHA SEEING AS YOURE SO FUCKED UP I'M EVEN SURPRISED YOU GOT ME!" you had no idea where this was coming from but rage and pain from all these few months had come crashing down on you

Feeling a familiar and protective arm wrap around your shoulders you expected the figure to pull you away, or hug you, or calm you but no- Barbra Mose does NOT tolerate betrayal and most certainly not when it's directed at her best friend

"you're surprised? Babes, the whore has probably slept around with half the world, i mean the cheap cunt probably had to flash her saggy boobs and that bitch ran to her with open arms" Bobbie stated, her voice strong and insulting yet everyone without even knowing this woman could tell that she was about to commit a murder.

"let's go, hun" bobbie stated, your energy gone as you pushed through the team behind you, however you stopped and turned to see that Bucky and natasha, although looking guitly had traveled to eachother, you turned back to face them and took menacing steps towards them, as soon as you were in range of the pair you cocked your fist back and bought it to the throat of your boy- your ex.

"bye Barnes, rot in hell with this demon of a woman"

And with that you called Phil, you wanted to disconnect the avengers from the S.A.B and told him that you would be extending your trip; it was time to step up as director, you were here now and your job was to make sure Sheild is at the top, and no sex obsessed dick of an ex is gonna break you.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Okay it's so bad I know but the first parts were in my drafts for so long and I need to start writing again, I accidentally deleted my Steve imagine AND the first Bucky imagine so I'm trying to get those back but I'm also trying to actually right again. No one's gonna read this I know but it was a fun idea I had that strayed far, plus as long as I like my writing I'll keep doing it and maybe I'll do a part 2? Idk

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calamity-bean · 5 years

Note

Hi !! In your post about "Mad Sweeney through the ages" you noted in the tags that you restrained yourself from going into tangents... I'm super interested about what you mentionned though ! Would you mind wiritng a little bit on the relationship between the Tuatha de and the fairies and the dead ?? Sorry, i'm very curious and I love history and mythology a lot !! (Also sorry for any mistakes, I'm not a native speaker !!) Thank you ! :)

Hello! Sorry it took me all day to answer this; it’s just that, well… this got a bit long, even though I tried to be brief. XD

Basically, what I was referring to is the same thing Sweeney talks about in the show: the way his identity has changed SIGNIFICANTLY over the centuries because the stories about him have mutated over time. People gradually conflated stories about certain types of beings (such as the Tuatha De Danann) with stories about other types of beings (such as fairies), or allowed elements of certain stories to influence others, and as a result, the very essence of what Sweeney IS evolved along with the folklore.

The cool thing, though — and I guess this is really the crux of what I was getting at in my tags — is that Sweeney’s particular evolutionary path isn’t a concept that’s unique to American Gods. I mean, to SOME extent, it’s AG’s invention; after all, the traditional figure of Mad Sweeney as portrayed in the Buile Suibhne is not a leprechaun or Lugh. He’s cursed, but he’s still just a mortal dude. But I think AG’s decision to MAKE him into those other things makes perfect sense in light of the fact that in certain areas that historically retained a strong Celtic influence (including much of the British Isles as well as Brittany), there really are a lot of intriguing similarities, overlaps, and parallels between the way folklore portrays fairies and the way it portrays the spirits of dead mortals. In Irish mythology specifically, the Tuatha De Danann get wrapped up in the relationship as well. These similarities have inspired a theory that elements of Celtic folklore about fairies might have evolved out of ancient superstitions about the dead and the places the dead were believed to inhabit. Which isn’t to say that it’s a direct evolution, nor that these three types of being are all exactly the same thing — simply that they seem to be related and to have influenced one another over time.

Unnecessarily detailed discussion under the cut, along with more of my thoughts on why I think this whole concept works out really well with regard to Mad Sweeney and lends a lot of weight to his backstory’s arc.

The People of the Mounds

One of the most familiar narratives in a classic fairy story is the human traveler who accidentally wanders into the fairy realm. It’s a story with innumerable variations. Perhaps the traveler simply follows the wrong path, or perhaps they enter a doorway in the side of a hill — either way, they end up in Faerie. It is a liminal space inhabited by beings that, because they are immortal or non-mortal, are not DEAD, exactly, but aren’t quite ALIVE, either, not in the way that mortal human beings are alive. And in many stories, it is also inhabited by dead humans. There are many versions of this story in which the traveler in Faerie is shocked to encounter a neighbor or loved one whom they know for a fact died years ago — like, actually physically DIED. And yet here their spirit is, trapped in this other world! The realm of Faerie is thus a place of great wonder, yes, but also great peril. It’s a place into which a person’s soul might be tragically stolen, though also a place from which they can sometimes be rescued. One such tale of rescue is the medieval poem Sir Orfeo, which is straight-up a Breton/English reimagining of Orpheus and Eurydice — except it’s set in Faerie instead of in the realm of the dead.

In short, Celtic stories often handle fairies and Faerie in a way that strongly evokes death, the realm of the dead, and the spirits of the dead. But for me, perhaps the most interesting aspect goes back to what I mentioned about WHERE these stories often take place. Where do the aos si dwell? Underground, of course — specifically, in hollow hills. It’s right there in the name: “aos si” means “people of the mounds.” Hence the stories in which a traveler enters Faerie through a door in the side of a hill. Coincidentally, where do the Tuatha de Danann dwell? Also underground — not originally, but they were driven underground by the Milesians, who took the above-ground world as their half of the earth in their truce.

But what kind of hill would be hollow? What kind of hill might have a doorway set into the side…?

Well… A hill like Newgrange, perhaps. Or like other hills within the Bru na Boinne complex. Or a hill like Bryn Celli Ddu in Wales, or Maes Howe in Orkney, or the Mound of the Hostages at Tara, or any number of other ancient barrows/tumuli: burial mounds built in prehistoric times as tombs for the human dead. Because the answer to “What other kind of creature dwells underground?” is, of course, dead people, at least in cultures which have tended to bury them.

Thus, the familiar trope of entering Faerie through a door in a hill very much evokes the idea of entering a tomb. This concept is reinforced by the fact that some specific fairy legends are anchored to specific tumuli. Newgrange is said to be the home of the Dagda and other Tuatha De; Cnoc Maedha is home to the fairy king Finvarra. Glastonbury Tor is associated with Gwyn ap Nudd of the Tylwyth Teg, ruler of the underworld of Annwn. Willy Howe is proposed to be the location of a specific version of one of those tales about a traveler wandering into a hill.

Not every fairy legend is associated with a specific hill, not every tumulus is associated with a fairy legend, and not every hill associated with a fairy legend has been confirmed to actually be a tomb. It’s more of a general association based on the tumulus shape. Also, some of these associations seem to have originated much later than others; they might be fairly recent inventions rather than old, traditional myths. But that’s kind of the point in AG, isn’t it: traditions evolve. Over time, they gather new associations and take on new meaning as the stories change. Did the idea that the aos si live in hollow hills evolve directly out of a superstition that specific hills — specific burial mounds — were home to the spirits of the dead? Perhaps! Perhaps not! Perhaps it’s more a case of stories mutually influencing each other, or maybe it’s convergent evolution, or maybe it’s sheer coincidence. But I think that the amount of similarity and overlap in these legends is enough to suggest roots in a common tradition, or at least to suggest that beliefs about these three categories of being have, over time, become intimately associated with each other.

Suibhne, the Dead King?

Which FINALLY brings us back to Sweeney.

I think the idea that the aos si evolved out of the Tuatha De Danann is pretty well known; I don’t think it’s entirely clear-cut from a historical standpoint, but it’s a theory I see mentioned quite often, and I feel like it intuitively makes sense. A transition from one supernatural, subterranean creature to another feels natural; it’s easy to grasp how those legends could be related. So it’s no surprise that American Gods would have a character who starts out as one of them and evolves into the other, especially since it’s been theorized that the concept of leprechauns in general might have evolved specifically out of Lugh. (The names share a possible etymology, and the characters share an association with luck.)

But the primary inspiration for Mad Sweeney — Suibhne, son of Colman Cuar, of the Buile Suibhne — feels, at first, like more of an outlier. Sure, Suibhne was under a curse, but he wasn’t, like, any type of supernatural creature… He was just a mortal human. The whole legend at least purports to be based on a real-life historical man. How does a mortal human get turned into a god or a fairy? How does that stage of Sweeney’s evolution fit in with leprechauns and Lugh?

To me, the key lies in the Annals of Tigernach. As I mentioned in my Mad Sweeney Through the Ages post, these annals record that Suibhne didn’t FLEE from the battle of Magh Rath… he DIED in it. And I don’t know whether AG is doing this on purpose, but in my opinion, this death really fits with the way AG has chosen to tell Suibhne’s story? In the Buile Suibhne, Suibhne flees the battlefield simply because the frenzy and St. Ronan’s curse overwhelm him. The idea that he fled because he foresaw his own death is AG’s own particular twist on the legend. AG’s Sweeney is a character who is haunted, throughout the different versions of himself, by near-deaths and foreseen-deaths and deaths that may or may not have actually happened. By choosing to reference the fact that Sweeney should have died at Magh Rath — possibly even did die at Magh Rath, heck, he supposedly died that night with the seer, too! — American Gods makes the critical decision to recast Suibhne mac Colmain as not merely the story of a king, but of a dead king.

And if you view the Buile Suibhne as the story of someone whose life, historically, ended at Magh Rath, but who through the power of mythology has been given an existence beyond Magh Rath, it becomes a story of undeath: of a mortal who becomes trapped in a strange, supernatural form of existence that is not exactly death but not really life as he knew it, either — sort of like a spirit trapped in Faerie. For me, AG’s decision to connect Suibhne’s legend with leprechauns and Lugh makes the most sense when I view Suibhne as a figure who kind of escaped death, but also kind of didn’t escape death, and always has this specter of death hanging over him for the rest of his cursed “life” after Magh Rath. If Suibhne is, essentially, a spirit persisting in a type of pseudo-life beyond death, then I can contextualize his role in Sweeney’s evolution within this whole theory of how the dead, the fae, and the Tuatha De Danann are intimately entwined.

Conclusion???

…WOW, this got long! Thanks for listening to me ramble. I hope it was interesting to you and that I’ve explained myself in a way that makes sense.

Obviously, I don’t know whether Gaiman / the showrunners of American Gods had any of these same concepts in mind when they were creating the book or the show. And I want to reiterate that the proposed relationship between these types of folklore is more of a theory than a concrete historical fact. It’s a theory that I find very compelling and very inspiring, but it’s difficult to really prove that traditional beliefs evolved in this way. Also, much of the actual scholarship I’ve found on this subject is older than I’d like, and I’m not sure whether different interpretations have since gained more traction in the field. Still, the work of Katharine Mary Briggs is a good place to start if you’re interested in reading more on this subject, especially her article “The Fairies and the Realms of the Dead.”

Regardless of whether it’s provable, though, I think it’s a theory that works beautifully with what we see in “Treasure of the Sun” and that fits really well with the mechanics of American Gods. And when it comes to AG, it doesn’t really matter, anyway, whether the dead and the fae and the gods were originally related or not — all that matters is that we humans believe that they are.

#mad sweeney #american gods #irish mythology #folklore #buile suibhne #ag meta #my meta #op #asks #Anonymous

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darklingandy · 6 years

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Spirits of the Earth and Air

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Cold Blooded

Jack used to love the night.

Now the night was black as ink. No moon, no stars; the stifling low clouds obscured it all.

Jack used to love the night: he loved it because it was quiet and peaceful, because he wasn't surrounded by people who couldn't see his existence, because he talked to the moon and the moon listened. At some point — he didn't know when — that had changed. Now the night felt lonely; someone Saw him — two someones — and the moon wasn't listening because the moon was an impersonal rock millions of miles away. And he couldn't see it tonight anyway.

Maybe the night had always been lonely. Maybe he just hadn't noticed because being lonely was who he was, and he didn't know how else to be.

Deep in the woods, Jack was hiding. Two gigantic trees leaned against one another; the earth between their roots had eroded away to create an alcove shadowed by ferns. Jack crouched here, hidden away. He was hiding from a lot of things. Himself. His feelings and actions. His fear that he was failing at what he'd set out to do. But most importantly — so he told himself — he didn’t want to take the chance that any of the court fey might find him.

He pulled Hiccup's hoodie higher around his shoulders and buried his nose in the worn fabric.

Where was Sandy? He should have been here hours ago, and every additional passing minute made Jack more and more anxious, afraid that something had happened to him. Meeting with Sandy was supposed to be a quick rendezvous; now he wouldn't even make it back to Berk by morning. Hiccup might worry. If Jack took too long, he might start to think Jack had abandoned him.

A distant golden glow appeared through the trees. Jack held his breath and watched; he had to know it was a friend, not a foe, approaching. The glow drifted closer, bobbing its way through the forest toward Jack until he could distinguish Sandy fumbling his way along with his eyes closed. At the sight of him, some of Jack's anxiety left him in a rushed sigh, until he remembered. Any court fey that sees you must report it back to him.

He leapt up. "Sandy!"

Sandy startled. His neat sand cloud fell apart like annoyed confetti and fluttered down. He pulled himself together and formed exclamation points, throwing them in the direction of Jack's head. Not all of them missed.

"Sorry!" Jack threw his hands up and ducked.

Sandy withdrew. His face turned toward Jack — well, turned his face to the left of Jack actually — and somehow managed to radiate disapproval. What are you doing? he signed. Don't you know Pitch is still hunting for you?

He was being reckless. Avoiding one problem by trying to figure out another. Avoiding Hiccup, like a coward. Jack sucked in a deep breath of the clean forest air and pushed his jumbled thoughts out of the way. "I'm here to find out whatever you can tell me. I'm…gathering information."

You have a plan?

He wished. Shame burned in his gut. "Maybe," he hedged. "I. Just. What's going on at the court? The fearlings are gone but I haven't heard anything about what Pitch is doing. What can you tell me?"

The shadow king is angry. Sandy shook his head in despair. I fear for you. I don't like to think about what he'll do when he captures you. And he is determined to capture you.

"What about Hiccup?"

Hiccup? Confusion clouded Sandy's face. The boy? What of him?

Jack clenched his teeth, fear tightening his throat, but determined to force through it. "What is Pitch planning for Hiccup? What does he know of him?"

Pitch is bent on finding the Sight boy who beguiled his lackey away from him. There's not just orders to report on you anymore; there's a reward. For anyone who brings news of either of you, a boon from the king himself will be granted. Some have tried to bring him pretend news, and the punishment was …severe when their deception was revealed.

Jack couldn't breathe. He sunk down onto the earth, knees pulled up to his chest, willing himself to stay calm.

Sandy's hands kept moving. But some have brought real news. There's word of another human besides your Hiccup. A girl with knives. He paused in his frantic motions and felt his way toward Jack, to put a hand on his shoulder. Jack, what have you gotten yourself into?

"Astrid," Jack breathed. So, word about her had got back to the court already. Jack scrubbed a hand through his tangled hair. "Things are getting worse then."

Sandy nodded, serious. I don't know what else I can tell you.

"Something… helpful." Jack stared at Sandy. As if Sandy knew what he was supposed to do. As if Sandy could have answers for him. "Please! There must be some information you have that can help! Something! Anything! Advice, maybe! I just — I don't know what to do, Sandy."

But Sandy just shook his head sadly, a troubled crease between his eyebrows, and Jack shook his head and got up, pacing back and forth, wearing tracks into the dirt.

He was such a fool. Now the reason that he'd come bubbled to the surface of his mind: that he'd come here because he didn't know what else to do. He'd known, deep down, there wasn't anything anyone could tell him that would help. He was in uncharted territory now. He was on his own.

"I have no idea what I'm doing, Sandy." The admission hurt his throat as it clawed its way out; his voice cracked. He swallowed and couldn't meet Sandy's eyes.

Sandy hesitated. Then… why…

"I promised Hiccup that I would get him back his life, but how am I supposed to do that?!" Jack glared up at the brumous sky where he knew the moon would be, behind the thick layer of clouds. His voice was too loud; it reached through the trees enough that if anyone were nearby, they would hear him. "I have to protect him, and I don't even know if I can! But I have to."

Sandy fell silent. He watched Jack, and waited, and listened. He'd known Jack a long time.

"I know he keeps saying that we'll come up with a plan, but how can we do that? We're one human, one faery, one bairseach, and one Sighted boy — that I don't even know what he is right now, exactly — against an entire court of knights and tricksters and—and—and everything!" His face contorted with terror: pupils constricted, mouth working as his breathing sped up, skin pale white. He ran out of steam and crumpled onto the ground, curling up on himself like a wilting leaf. "I've asked too much of him," he said, voice coming out small. "And I've… I hurt him."

You have… a… bairseach? Sandy’s face went slack with awe, but Jack wasn’t looking at him.

Memories of what he'd originally planned for Hiccup came back to him: the sacrifice, the kidnapping. Hiccup saying things like you came here to kidnap someone and when were you going to tell me and you could have told me. And Hiccup was right: Jack should have told him sooner. He should have trusted Hiccup. Should have been more honest with him.

Shame smothered him so strongly it was hard to focus on anything else or think about what he needed to do now.

Sandy drifted toward him, hands moving gently. You know what the odds are. He will not likely come out of this alive.

A shudder went through Jack but he folded his arms and jutted his chin out. "Then neither will I."

Sandy's eyebrows rose toward his hair. You… feel that strongly about this human boy?

Jack opened his mouth. He was going to explain, to say something sane like yes I care for him, we're friends. But instead, what came out was laughter. Impossible, hysterical laughter. He fell back and his limbs sprawled out and he was staring upward at the black sky, laughing his heart out. Brittle frozen pine needles cracked and snapped underneath him; he grabbed a handful and threw them into the air, letting them flutter down around him like confetti. "How could I not?" he shouted. "How could I do anything else?" The laughter faded into the stifling, watchful silence of the night. A deep, weary sigh. Just a breath. "He's…" Jack searched for words. "Impossible. Brave. Fearsome, sometimes. I…" His voice trailed away, following the laugh into nothingness.

Sandy wasn't quite facing the right direction, but Jack could still see his face. Could still see the expression of dawning awe and horror, mingled on his kind features. …love him. His hands signed the sentence that Jack left unfinished. His expression was hesitant, horrified, incredulous. Like he couldn't believe that even Jack would so stupid as to fall in love with a human. How could you do this?

No. No no no no no. Jack choked as he cast a sideways glance at Sandy. Oh gods. Was he really so transparent? "……what?"

As if there were any way he could deny it. A faery cannot tell a lie.

Fall like this, Sandy signed.

Jack said nothing. The word ‘love’ left him reeling, feeling punch-drunk and dazed like he’d been hit. His mouth opened and closed. Sandy’s question — How could you do this? — loomed in his mind. How? He was fey, one of the ancient aos sídhe; things weren’t supposed to work like this. The fey were said to be heartless, cold-blooded creatures like fishes.

Jack had no proof that it was true but he had no proof that it wasn't either. What would it feel like, Jack wondered distantly, if he had a heart to beat? Did it feel like this, terrifying and vivid? Or was he imagining the warmth pulsing in his jugular when he put his hand to his throat?

Did he have a heart, or did he not?

Fall in love so dangerously.

He wrinkled up his nose and turned his face away from Sandy, cheek pressing into the cold ground with a groan. "What?" he breathed again, only half aloud. The ground, hard with frost, remained unyielding beneath him. No more soft loam of the autumn. "I…I don't…"

You're my friend. Sandy's shoulders drooped. I don't want to you die, but if you stick by this boy…Maybe you should leave.

"What?"

Sandy just kept shaking his head, still stunned like he couldn't believe what was happening to Jack. Leave Berk. You managed to get away before Pitch could manipulate the nature of your servitude. Now is the time, before he finds you again.

"I can't just run away!"

Yes, you can, signed Sandy, confused over Jack's resistance. There are no orders binding you here.

But the idea sickened Jack; emotions sitting heavy at the bottom of his stomach and chest, squeezing him. Leave Hiccup? To save himself? He could scarcely breathe."You don't understand. I'm not going to abandon Hiccup!"

Sandy held his hands up. Alright. But at least tell me you have a plan.

"No," Jack admitted. He pressed his hands over his eyes, blocking Sandy out. "But we will."

Nevermind. Just tell me you'll come out of this alive and… whole.

"I will, uh …do my best."

Sandy let out a slow, tired sigh, his head bowed. It is exhausting to be your friend, you know.

Jack propped himself up, grinning through his exhaustion. "But what a good job you do of it."

I know. Sandy preened a little. Then his face became serious again. I'm sorry I can't help you. This is getting more dangerous. Pitch has been combing every corner of the court for anyone who's helped you. I don't think I'll be able to meet you again.

Jack felt a twinge of guilt that he'd asked Sandy here. Sandy was a good friend to put himself in danger for him in the first place. He nodded. "I understand. Thanks, Sandy." He patted Sandy awkwardly on the shoulder. "For everything. I appreciate it. What would I do without you?"

Probably die.

"Always such an optimist." Jack stood up, brushing pieces of pine needles and clumps of dirt off himself. "Well… I guess I'll see you when I see you."

You're leaving?

"Yeah." Jack nodded, more to himself than to Sandy. "I need to go talk to… to the... to Hiccup."

next chapter >>

#soteaa #hijack #frostcup #spirits of the earth and air #my writing #fanfic

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