#i was trying to make a silly one line joke on the internet
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141 with a gf who has been cheated on in the past and it kind of destroyed her confidence?? Like just how they would prove themselves as true and how they would go about a relationship with her. Love your writing, friend!!!! <3
141 with a (fem)partner who's been cheated on in the past
Some headcanons about things that Simon Ghost Riley, John Price, Kyle Gaz Garrick and Johnny Soap MacTavish do to reassure you after learning that your previous partner/s cheated on you.
Word count: 1k || No warnings. || Reader: FEM reader. Pronouns "you", but feminine terms used ("missus, girl, lady") [I could make a gender neutral version too if anyone would want it!]
Simon Riley, who, half joking half serious, reminds you that he’s a difficult bastard to get close to. So you don’t have to worry. I mean, look how much time it took you to make him open up and let you become part of his life. He has a hard time openly admitting how he feels about you and how he only has place for you in his heart and mind. So instead, he jokes that you’re the only person on this planet, crazy enough to approach him. Though sometimes, when you have late night conversations, he admits in a hushed voice, that as much as he enjoyed the solitary life, leaving it behind for a lifetime with you was the best decision he's ever made.
Although he prefers to avoid crowded places, he starts taking you to pubs more often to prove that he’s right about being unapproachable. It also gives you a reason to dress up all pretty, so he can shamelessly compliment you and tease you about wanting to show you off.
If someone is silly enough to walk up to you two and try chatting him up, he immediately cuts it short, not even trying to be polite – “No, we’re alright. We’re busy.” And if they’re persistent, he uses his “Lieutenant Ghost” voice on them – “You’re interrupting my date. With my girl.” He keeps his hand on you for the rest of the night.
He asks you if he should get your name tattooed on his arm and you can’t tell if he’s joking or not. But he is dead serious. Have you seen his tattoos? Not to be judgemental, but… He wouldn’t mind tattooing your name on himself once he thinks you’re the one.
John Price, who relies on communication. He asks you to talk to him whenever something feels wrong – whether it’s caused by your thoughts or something he’s done. But he doesn’t just wait for you to bring the issue up either. He’s a true leader and he’s very observant. Sometimes he notices the heavy thoughts starting to cloud your mind before you can even cotton on. He’s also really good at reading between the lines. If you ever do that self-sabotaging thing, where you ask his opinion about other women on the street or on the internet, he immediately gives you a stern look and, without even looking at the lass you’re pointing at, gives you a lengthy pep talk. Why would he even need to form an opinion about another woman’s appearance, when he only cares about you?
He’s got the patience of a saint when it comes to you. He’s told you what he feels towards you and how you are the only one for him many times already. And he would repeat himself, over and over again. Until he loses his voice.
If he got approached by someone and offered a drink, while you’re hanging out in a pub, he would point towards you and say “I’m alright, but you can buy my lady a drink if you insist,” with a cocky smile on his face.
Kyle Garrick, who attacks you with “I love you”-s and compliments whenever you start doubting yourself. Literally. Won’t let you finish your self-derogatory comments, even if they’re well hidden in what you’re saying. Starts yelling ILYs from afar. Then once he gets closer, he grabs you and holds you close, repeating it against your ear until you laugh from the sensation. But he doesn’t ignore your worries. He often sits you down so that the two of you can have a conversation about your feelings, your boundaries, behaviours and things he can do to assure you of his loyalty.
He has pictures of you everywhere and he’s proud to show you off. There are polaroids of you alone and both of you together in his wallet, in his car’s sun visor, in the pocket of his uniform. You’re his phone’s wallpaper. He posts pictures of you on social media. Obviously, he does all that while making sure it won’t affect your safety. And as for him bragging about you, you probably learnt about that from Price. What you don’t know though, is that he went out of his way to introduce you to his captain in hopes of Price telling you how often he talks about you. And only you.
If someone tried to chat him up while he’s with you, he would give them the nastiest, most offended glare possible. He looks at them, at you, at them, at you… He throws a simple “Uhh, no thank you,” while he grabs your hand and pulls it to his chest, using it to ground himself. Before the person can even turn away, he’s looking at you with a “can you believe this shit” stare. He gets upset for the both of you.
Johnny MacTavish, who’s physically glued to you.While off duty, he doesn't give you much space for doubts or anxieties cuz he follows you everywhere. You’re going to run some errands? He’s coming with you. He’s going to run some errands? Can you please come with him…? One time, when you went to the toilet in the middle of the night, you found him sitting half-awake on the floor next to the bathroom door. Later, he can’t even explain why he did it. He wasn’t even fully conscious. It was pure instinct – you go, he follows.
He takes you to buy matching rings. You can take your relationship at your own pace, but others don’t have to know it. He’s more than happy to pretend to be already married to you. Especially when he’s deployed away from home. And when he comes back, he proudly shows you a tan line on his ring finger, proving he’s been wearing it the whole time.
If someone approaches him and offers him a drink, he scoffs and tells them that HIS MISSUS can buy him his drinks just fine, thank you very much. If you’re there with him, he turns to you and, before the person can walk away, he starts playfully flirting with you, saying you can take him home if you buy him a drink. If you’re for some reason not there, he immediately calls you (or at least texts you if he’s with the lads) and proudly tells you about how clever his response was.
I hope that some loose headcanons like these are alright.
Also, if this happened to you – I'm really sorry and I wish you all the best! And if anyone needs to hear it: remember, the fault is never in the person who got cheated on but the one who cheats. Screw them. You deserve to be treated kindly.
#task force 141 x reader#cod x reader#cod headcanons#mw2 x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#john price x reader#captain john price x reader#john price x you#kyle gaz garrick x reader#kyle garrick x reader#kyle garrick x you#gaz x reader#johnny mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish x reader#johnny mactavish x you#soap x reader#bees buzzed it
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I don't know if you've talked about this elsewhere already but was the break from streaming intentional and/or are you planning on returning to streaming some time in the foreseeable future? no pressure, I just miss your silly antics :o)
felt very burnt out from being someone who people are always lookin at all the time mostly! (and also a lot more reasons)
got a new job that pays just as well as streaming (which is enough to pay for rent in seattle with roommates, buy food for myself, and sometimes buy yet another japanese gamecube via online auction), and have been enjoying the feeling of not relying on anonymous teenagers and young adults who are just as poor as me on the internet for my income. It's something i was extremely grateful for, but it's not only a very infirm way to generate revenue on a reliable basis, but also i always felt an ever-present sense of guilt for it. like, instilling within other people who i know are in my tax bracket (one that is below the poverty line) the idea of "hey if you dont tip me for doing this free service, the quality of which is damningly subjective, I will be homeless. but no pressure haha" is something that i was never able to shake.
also like. performing is quite draining for me! the way i portray myself in my streams is EXTREMELY extroverted while, in my personal life, i prefer to spend 8 to 14 of my waking hours every day by myself in my room with my dog. i like the quiet, and i feel at peace most when i am not being perceived by other people.
lastly, i really dislike having inordinate levels of social power. for a several reasons. like, SEVERAL reasons. this is the longest section of this post.
8 years ago, i got way more famous than any 16 year old should ever be when i got tens of thousands of followers overnight for doing undertale shit. and i think it really fucked up my ability to make friends at a time where my only experience meeting new people was at school or at church, and i lived far enough out in the woods that i couldnt just go outside and hang out with the neighbors cuz the neighbors lived a mile away. my socializing skills in general are way more stilted than i'd prefer for someone my age. in private settings ive got my foot in my mouth a lot. and sometimes in public settings too! im sure if youve seen streams ive been on, youve seen plenty of "chase you really shouldnt have said that" moments. and youre probably right, i probably shouldnt have! my moment-to-moment gauge for what i should and shouldnt say is very slow to catch up cuz ive got like. advanced mental illnesses. like, im not joking when i say ive been formally diagnosed several times over by different doctors with shit ive never heard anybody ever talk about, online or otherwise.
i dont think that's an excuse to say heinous or cruel things by any means of course, but i also think that i should not rely on a job where there's constantly a microphone in my hand and an audience listening intently to what i say. im not at all pulling the "its okay that i say mean things because im mentawy iww" card. as a matter of fact i think it's not okay that i say them! and i feel very embarrassed when i do! the filter that separates "normal healthy thoughts" and "intrusive unhealthy thoughts" is thinner and more flimsy in my brain than in others.
ive only gotten this far because i surround myself with very smart, patient, and kind people, and by trying to be understanding and patient with others too. and ive begun apologizing to people a lot more. i dont like it when people are mad at me, and i dont like that for a long time i had professionally painted myself into a corner where im typically always the "heel" in comedy settings, because the "heel" is the guy everyone shits on all the time. i got this reputation not because i actively enjoy being mean, but because i learned to adapt to the aforementioned "clinically unreliable intrusive thoughts filter" by realizing i would say things that came across as mean, and in real time exaggerating that it into a character that people could shoot back at without feeling guilty while still having fun. theres nothing that ruins a good time quite like someone who is constantly apologizing for doing something wrong, and then continuing to do that wrong thing anyway. dont misunderstand, i absolutely adore dunking on weenies when everyone can get a good laugh out of it (like tumblr anons, who i think should be classified as prokariyotic invertebrates and not people (no offense)) but even though it's a joke it still feels very bad when that's expected of me when i walk into a room. because if i walk into a room, and everyone expects me to be an asshole, everyone is on the defensive before i say anything, and sometimes they take shots at me when im not trying to "play". even worse, if im a heel in a setting where it's expected of me and someone cant really keep up with "the bit" then that just means im being an asshole to someone who cant or doesnt have the energy to fight back. and not just any asshole, an asshole who has had nearly a decade of professional experience being a paid asshole.
if im being frank, i dont know if i'll come back in a full capacity. i might! im not ruling that out! and you'll probably still see me pop up in my friends streams, because i did LOVE what i did for a very long time! but after i took my "break" in december after being more stressed than ive ever been, and i knew it was no longer financially necessary for me to livestream, i had the thought "i will go back to streaming when i find within myself a desire to do so" and ya know what? i havent yet.
and DO NOT FUCKING BOTHER MY FRIENDS ABOUT THIS. if you post a fucking "hey have u heard what chase said" message in their chat or in their DMs or anything, im not joking when i say you are actively being the kind of person i changed my career to avoid! fuck you, for real! stop trying to interface with them to get some new piece of information or opinion about me you fucking weirdo! they'll talk about me if they want to, but going to someone who is doing their own thing and asking them to instead comment on someone else it is ALWAYS fucking annoying. if you want to think about me, do it by yourself! or ask me directly! or do it in the comment section of a video im in! or write a fanfiction about me and then throw it away!
but if ur not that kind of person then ur cool dont worry.
anywho! im sorry if this is a bummer to read. but that's the full skinny.
im still posting regularly on twitter (clown_depot)! and if i DO go live, either on my twitch channel or on a friend's stream, it will be posted there!
thanks for watching :^]
im not goin radio silent, im just gonna turn off the electric window that lets people see me for a while.
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I saw fan art of bear cub Gregory from pixlokita on tumblr, so I hope that I can request a prompt where Gregory becomes a bear cub (still can talk and looks like Gregory) and Freddy is happy to have an actual bear and son. Please write this please, for a birthday wish. Thank you.
I took these two prompts and came up with something in between, lol. This is pure fluff. Happy belated birthday, friend! 🎉
Like Father, Like Son
None of them were technically supposed to be able to access the internet. All relevant knowledge to their jobs, the kids, the pizzaplex, etc. already existed within their databases, and all information stored across the servers was available to them. But Chica had gotten bored one day and spent a bit too much time tinkering with herself via the upgrade cylinder. Monty had demanded his own internet connection after that, and before long, every animatronic in the pizzaplex had access.
It was not long before Roxy discovered online shopping, and after a few mishaps in trying to figure out how to get the packages to themselves without management finding out, there was not an animatronic among them who had not secretly ordered something or other.
Sun in particular seemed to enjoy finding new things to add to the daycare—rightly so, considering management was slacking in that regard—and as a result of his frequent digital window shopping, he often sent links to the rest of them, sharing things he had found that he thought they might like.
All that to explain why Freddy opened a link from Sun with the caption you HAVE to get this :D and discovered that yes, he had to get it.
It was a child-sized onesie with little footie boots and gloves that could be folded out of the way or velcroed into place and a hood with ears stitched on. It looked wonderfully soft and fuzzy. It was a warm brown with details depicting a bear cub.
And it had excellent ratings.
• • •
Gregory laughed when he saw the onesie, but he also snatched it up and took off to go change into it, so Freddy did not think he minded the gift. The others would probably tease him once they caught sight of it, but it would be worth their jokes.
Make no mistake, Freddy did not wish Gregory was any different from the way he was. Nor did Freddy wish he himself was human. But it still tickled something in his code to imagine silly little impossibilities, like he and Gregory being a family by blood. Of course, Freddy was as much a real bear as Gregory would be in a stylized onesie, but that was hardly the point.
It was only a minute or two before Gregory returned, and he must have stopped by one of the others’ rooms because his nose had been carefully colored in and a line drawn beneath it down to his upper lip. The onesie was a perfect fit—naturally, as Freddy knew his son’s exact measurements—and Gregory’s glee was near palpable.
Freddy made a little involuntary sound of delight. He crouched down, feeling his eyes brighten to match the building warmth in his chest.
Gregory came to stand in front of him and did a jaunty spin to show off the little pom-pom tail. Freddy had never understood the human urge to squeal from seeing something so utterly adorable as much as he did then.
“C’mon,” Gregory said, showing off the toe beans on his gloves, complete with felt claws, “tell me I’m not the cutest bear cub ever.”
Laughing, Freddy swept him up, and Gregory did not even scramble to hold on, so great was his trust that Freddy would not drop him.
“You are certainly the cutest bear cub I have ever seen,” Freddy assured him, and Gregory smiled smugly, head leaning on Freddy’s shoulder. “And the best bear cub in general. My bear cub.”
How odd that mere months ago, Freddy would have said he would not want a child of his own. He could not imagine, now, not having Gregory in his life. When he looked back on pre-Gregory memories, the absence of his adopted son almost shocked him sometimes. He had been happy back then, yes, but in a very mild and content way. There was little variation in his day-to-day, though he had not minded at the time.
He did not think he could go back to that way of life. It fell far short of the joy that each new day brought now. Gregory made things unpredictable and lively in a way Freddy would be loath to give up.
And best of all, his love, his gratefulness, and his happiness was matched in Gregory.
Beaming, Gregory wrapped his arms around Freddy’s neck in a tight hug. “My papa bear,” he said, and it was only a bit teasing.
#i answered a thing#hdoshdje#anonymous#fnaf fic#fnaf security breach#star's stories#life and times of star
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I have been thinking of this scenario for a while. So in an alternative season 4 MC was in the Devildom with her/his Brother. MC, Mephisto, the brother and Solomon took part in comidic sketches produced and directed by Mephisto. All the lines were spoken in one of devildom's languages. This was Mephisto's birthday wish and he promised that the material would not see the light of day.
The scethes mocked the seven brothers. Lucifer was an idiot who thinks he is a genius, levi is a complete coward etc. Satan's and Belphie's pranks were a lot more cruel. Ruining Lucifer's birthday, puting laxitaves on his drink before an important important meeting etc. Mephisto played Lucifer, the brother played Satan, Solomon played Asmo and the rest were played by Mephisto's co-workers in the RAD newspaper. MC was the cameraman.
When the exhange year was over the brother "accindently" leaks the sketches on YouTube. The sketches become an internet sensation. People were impressed by the strange unknown language and the performances. They could also turn the sketches into new stories by adding subtitles (think Downfall parody). Brothers and datables react.
Your blog is amazing! Happy 1000k
Hello! Thank you and welcome back. I hope you like this!
the obey me cast reacts to viral videos mocking the brothers
mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read
content warnings: videos poking fun at others, insecurity and self deprecation, crying, angry phone calls
-----
Lucifer
lucifer is not happy about this at all, not only because it hurts his pride
these videos could have serious effects on him and his brother's statuses in the devildom, but it's probably less bad than he thinks, the people watching will know it's all jokes
he is disappointed to find out you filmed everything, solomon, your brother and mephisto better run
Mammon
mammon thinks all scenes without him are funny, especially the ones mocking lucifer but he'd become a chandelier if he ever found out
he gets defensive when you show him a caricature of himself though, mammon goes on saying that it's nothing like him
also, he'll try to get back at solomon, your brother and mephisto by joking about them, but that video flopped
Leviathan
this isn't good for his self esteem, as he genuinely believes the exaggerated depictions of him are the truth
you better go comfort him because the poor guy is crying about it to his fish, you now kind of feel bad for filming all those videos
levi doesn't want to speak to any of the actors in the videos for a while, and he's upset with you but he forgives you
Satan
anyone knows it's a terrible idea to get on satan's bad side, you bet he will get back at every actor
while he was watching it all, satan had to turn it off multiple times because the anger was getting too dangerous
satan hates lucifer, that's true, but the pranks do have a limit
Asmodeus
asmo is so angry he doesn't talk to everybody involved for a good while, only you he forgave easily but he did act more distant at first
he can't believe solomon would do him so dirty, one night at 2am, asmo called him to let him know exactly how he felt, the call took three hours
he also addressed the videos on his socials, he's scared his fans hate him now
Beelzebub
beel doesn't take offence to mist of the content in the videos about himself, it's just something silly some people made after all
he's more upset at the clips because they mock his brothers, and it hurt their feelings
he's the most angry with your brother, because he was the one who published everything
Belphegor
the videos are really offensive, but belphie doesn't pay much attention to them
the people who saw it will probably forget about it in a week or so, and anyone can see there's almost 0 truth in the clips
but the fact that the videos seem so well made kind of ticks him off, why put so much effort in stuff like this?
Diavolo
he knows the videos will really bother lucifer and the others, so he tries to put a positive twist on the situation
'come on, these sketches make you seem more relatable to everyone! maybe even more likable'
that doesn't mean he's not upset about it, and he will let the actors and you know it
Barbatos
he probably didn't even watch it at first, he thinks there's more important stuff to pay attention to
barbatos only watched a little bit after it had become such a big topic in his circle
and, let's just say he's disappointed everyone put so much effort in this pure slander, but he keeps that feeling to himself
Simeon
he thinks it's funny at first, but then it just felt like he was watching unfriendly roasting
despite being an angel, he could actually understand what was being said in the videos and it's rude to say the least
he tells solomon he needs to apologise to the brothers
Luke
he doesn't understand the language, but he knows it's about the brothers based on the costumes
simeon stopped him from watching everything multiple times
luke didn't think the videos were all that special, but now that simeon doesn't let him watch them he's curious
Solomon
he is not happy with the fact that your brother published them, it was just for private fun
solomon tried to play it off like it isn't a big deal, but the phone call with asmo shook him out of that fantasy
he tries his best to take the videos down, but that's kind of hard with viral stuff
#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me scenarios#obey me imagines#obey me swd#gn!mc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#belphegor obey me#beelzebub obey me#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me luke
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im not sure if youve done this already but can we get some GazPrice headcannons? (with Fin the SD ofc)
OMG OMG YES!!!
Warning before I start the madness, I don't have much headcanon about the actual game world, I do not like military shit so everything I have is off duty or my AUs
Also I've never done this before, my ideas aren't really coherent but I hope I can satisfy with what I have :3
First lets start with the Fin time-line:
For those who haven't seen I've posted art of Gaz, Price and John's service dog Fin.
HCs:
Gaz went into the job expecting not to make it, he was prepared to be damaged, either physically or mentally so he took really good care of himself
Price was the opposite, he thought he was strong and untouchable but with each dead comrade his mind began taking a lot of damage
I like making strong men pathetic and weak so that was the reason Gaz caught Price's eye. Price noticed a sturdy, strong, safe oasis in the middle of battlefield, that's why he was drawn to him and Gaz quickly became his favorite because he wanted to make the world a better place and was ready to change the world with his own hands
Obviously after working for so long they got closer and closer and Gaz couldn't NOT fall for soft papa bear that Price turned out to be off duty hehhe
Kyle single handedly dragged him into therapy because he was the only one who saw how much weight and damage John was carrying on his shoulders
Obviously with so much support work became easier to handle but years of trauma aren't going to go away and Kyle can't be the only one to take care of the old man lol
Fin was recommended by Price's therapist and she is his helper on base
Off duty Price gets to let go and not be ashamed of ptsd because he has people who will help and support him through it, just like he supported them for all these years
I think at some point Price would be permanently moved to base because he's no longer fitted for the battlefield
(you can clearly see I have 0 idea of how military works nor do I know the game's lore lol)
Fin is there to guide him in the buildings, lead him to quiet places when he's stressed, remind him to take breaks (Price is a workaholic). I don't know much about ptsd dogs so Fin headcanons need me to do a lot of research before even attempting to write them down. (I'm so sorry there's not much for Fin 😭)
As for personalities or little silly ideas:
John is a big softie who tries so hard to fit in and be a dad to everyone, got his piercings during his relationship with Gaz (cried when getting his helix) he's always trying to be on the same wave as Gaz and ends up learning so much internet slang because of it, never uses it properly on purpose to make Kyle laugh his ass off. Gaz makes him learn kpop dances (Gaz and Ghost are very big twice fans shhh)
Gaz is very much stuck being a boy. He's very serious when needed to be but the rest of the time he's a silly goofy spoiled babygirl. Got his piercings right after getting into 141 as celebration, hid them from Price and Laswell very well for 2 months and then forgot to change them to silicone studs one day and got caught. Soap is his buddy and they run around pranking people and constantly compete with each other on who can burp the loudest
They love talking care of each other and Kyle is especially in love with captain's beard so when they have time they let themselves groom each other like cats, aka Gaz takes good care of John's beard using a brush and oils and giving the man a massage. In return Price takes care of Kyle's body, his rough strong careful hands are perfect for giving the younger man a proper relaxing massage
Gaz's teasing nature really blooms with Price because he knows that he can get away with so much. Throwing a joke or flirting here and there or just straight up touching Price has only good consequences for Kyle. Price adores him to no end and always asks for his view on almost any situation. John is all ears all the time because he loves his voice and genuinely wants to know what Gaz is thinking about. Even picking ice-cream flavors or a movie to watch becomes a very deep philosophical dialog
They don't tend to argue, even during missions it's aggressive dialogs instead of fighting. Gaz knows Price is the captain and he has so much more hand on experience and Price knows that Gaz would have a fresher, modern, more flexible view on the situation. Gaz is very observant and Price is constantly amazed at his ability to see the whole picture
More interesting headcanons from my chainsaw man AU if yall interested:
Gaz is a hunter/hunt devil because only humans hunt for fun and people are terrified of getting hunted >:3
Price (a human) literally saw him, said "you're pretty cool" and YOINKED him from the fucking government
In the AU the government catches all devils it can to study or use as weapons and since other countries started using devils in battles and just regular humans get into deals with devils to cause terror the government created special forces
141 is a test group lead by John Price and has a lot of powerful devils
Gaz has Makima eyes because I said so they're cool and glow in the dark
His abilities include: night/heat vision, hearing heartbeats and obviously inhuman strength and speed he's the hunt devil after all tracking down pray is so easy
He and Price have a deal no one knows about because all deals with devils must be approved by the government
The deal is that if Price dies so does Gaz so they can be together in hell (this man doesn't know chainsaw man lore either what did you expect lol)
What Price doesn't know is that Gaz spends more time protecting him than completing assignments hehhe
Fun bonus is dumb tiktok audio idea:
- you can hear heartbeats?
- can hear yours too, beating pretty fast~
GAY GAY GAY
alright madness over thanks for reading hope you enjoyed :]
#my art brr#my headcanons#Attempt at writing HCs down#Chainsaw man AU#call of duty hc#gazprice#gaz x price#gay gay homosexual gay#kyle gaz garrick#captain john price#john price#call of duty#Headcanons
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A Goodbye
it’s been literal years since i’ve posted on this account, but i have been thinking about and reflecting upon my time as a Twilight Content Creator™. i’m going to be talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly, so brace yourselves. everything is under the squiggly line.
i started this account to send twilight memes to my best friend and keep them all in one place. I started making silly little memes as a joke, and then kept making them for enjoyment. I was really isolated during COVID, as i have an autoimmune disease, and then i had a lot of major things happen in my real life that caused me to seek even more solace within the fandom and the connections i made online.
i wrote a fanfic, and to this day i’m proud of it. i don’t think i’ll ever make the sequels i planned on, but the door is always open.
i met some amazing people, and was invited into a group. it was one of the first times i felt a sense of belonging and like i was integral to a group. maybe that’s self aggrandizing a bit, but hey, this is a goodbye post, so i should be allowed to, i think.
it’s actually this group that i’ve been thinking about lately. i want to make it clear that my actions and reactions are on me, but that’s it. this will come into play later. this also isn’t about clearing my name or anything like that. i think i need to write this and send it for some closure to myself.
as time went on, i slowly started changing, and not always for the better. i think my real life had a lot to do with it, but it also had to do with me. i was using the group as escapism, and rather than see the group as just that--a group, i treated it like ‘holly and ensemble’ which was incredibly wrong of me. i sincerely regret how self-centered i was at that time. i also look back at who i was and i’m not happy with her. i’ve changed (thankfully) and i truly believe i’m a better person. i took jokes too far, made poor comments, and caused real harm to people i cared about.
but as is common in groups, slowly it becomes more of a hivemind. this group was no exception--and this is not in any way me trying to escape culpability or shade anyone. we were all complicit. a lot of little incidents and grievances piled up without being addressed and boiled over after i made, admittedly, bad and ignorant takes and doubled down on them. by the end of my time there, it was no longer ‘let’s discuss this issue’ but ‘this issue has one answer and if you don’t agree you’re ‘<insert -ism of choice here>’.
once i caused that lid to open, the toothpaste was unconditionally and irrevocably out of the tube. what followed was a messy friendship break up. i take full responsibility for my actions, and have learned and grown in the 2+ years since then. i discussed this incident in therapy lately, and something my therapist told me was that “you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. you are not responsible for other people’s actions.” so while yes, i messed up in a major, major way, a lot of the stuff that went down after my attempts to apologize and do everything in my power to rectify the situation was not on me. that’s hard and honestly scary to admit. because when you have so many people telling you that “you are x, you did y, you caused z” you believe it. especially on the internet.
i gained and then lost a lot of the people i considered friends on the internet. and while that may not seem consequential--as they’re internet friends, a lot of them came into (and subsequently left) my life at a turbulent time. i felt completely isolated after. now i’m sure people will say, ‘boohoo, you said ignorant stuff you deserve that’ but i have a hard time believing that when your friend makes terrible decisions, you just drop them. it’s a lot easier to do on the internet than in real life. it’s also a lot easier to make things fit your narrative. everyone has a narrative. the truth is somewhere in the middle. the fact of the matter is that i was not the only one making those jokes, i was not the only one going hard towards other people, but i was the one who took the fall for most of it (this does not include some of the comments i made, this is about some of the less major things i was called out for). again, i cannot be responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions. i don’t want this to come across as defensive, but after two years i can realize that i was done dirty. if you do not bring something to another person’s attention, they cannot do anything to fix it. period. if you don’t say something because you are too scared to upset someone--that is on you. by the same token, you are not responsible for how someone reacts when you bring something up. you are not responsible for the fallout when you set boundaries and those boundaries are broken.
i’m actually physically shaking writing this. that is how much anxiety and fear i have developed when talking about what happened. i finally had the nerve to read through what people said about me in the tags. regardless of what anyone says, there are two sides to every story. one side may be blatantly right, but that does not negate the fact that there are two sides. the fact of the matter is people will believe the first side to come out because they feel the other party has something to hide. i am honestly terrified of what will happen when i do post this. this group knew everything about me, my name, address, etc. and even though i haven’t been involved with any of them for years, i still have that fear of retaliation. i don’t think they ever would, but i also never thought i’d be in a callout situation (we as a group had discussed on many occasions how we would never do that to each other). i don’t want to minimize the hurt and pain i caused others, but also looking at it from the grand scheme of things, i made some offhand, harmful jokes and statements, doubled down, but then learned from them. that is all you can ask of people. i will not pretend that i am the poster child for ‘what to do when called out’ because again--i was self-centered and unyielding at first. but if we as a whole do not allow people the space to grow, there’s no motivation to change and a fear of being wrong and avoiding tough conversations. that doesn’t mean anyone is entitled to forgiveness, but someone should not be held back from continuing to better themselves.
if i could go back, i would’ve handled the situation differently. i would’ve asked for more time before having a major conversation, as emotions were flying high and the result wasn’t nearly as productive as it could’ve been. decisions i made in the moment were held against me, but the same decisions were seen as justified in other people’s hands.
i have so many good memories from that group, and i still think about them with fondness. i also have bad memories from my mistakes and mishandling of the situation. both can coexist. i want to thank the people of that group and of my broader ring of mutuals (both current and former) for the laughs, conversations, and friendship, however brief it was. to the chat: thank you so much for all of the support you gave me during the hardest time in my life, i am forever grateful for that. i genuinely do not believe that i would be where i am if not for all of you. as strange as it may be, thank you for the call out. i may not agree with the methods, but at the end of the day, it did open my eyes and give me the opportunity for some serious self reflection (not the kind that happens 3 days after a major incident) (that’s a dig at myself) and now i’m a better person because of it. i apologize for all of the pain i caused. i absolutely despise goodbyes, so i will simply wish you peace and happiness and healing in all of your endeavors.
i wish everyone who ever followed me, interacted with me, or glanced at my silly little blog nothing but the best, and i hope that you have grace for those who make mistakes and poor decisions. i will be logging out after i post this, but i will not delete my blog. sometimes i like to reminisce and have a chuckle at the content i’ve made.
For anyone curious about Wilbur, he’s doing well and is still the best menace to society.
Much love,
Holly, formerly known as emmettmantiddies
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Sometimes like today when my depression gets out of control for a while, I'll do things like search the internet desperately for advice or motivation to make it through another night, unable to come up with my own reasons. And scrolling through places like redit; all I see over and over is the phrase "it gets better"
And listen man, I have never hated anything more than that phrase.
I was first diagnosed as depressed when I was eight. "You'll grow out of it" the doctor said.
I went to therapy at 14 when I was suicidal. "You'll feel better when you're older and your hormones calm down" she said.
I got put on antidepressants at 17. "You'll be fine once you finish school and get into a routine" the doctor told me.
At 23 I was told "Excersize, healthy eating, a good social group, get all that down and things will get better"
I'm 26 nearly 27 and I've followed every rule and piece of advice and it has never gotten better, every year it gets worse, it gets harder.
Life never stops getting harder. You can do everything 'right', you can get perfect grades in school and be polite and kind and avoid drugs and alcohol and work hard at everything you do, but sometimes you'll still end up unemployed and burnt out and poor and lonely. Sometimes no matter what you do you'll be a failure.
So hearing "things will get better" frustrates me, probably frustrates many people. Because when does it get better? Have you ever met a depressed person who has experienced it get better? Probably not.
So you know what, here's a better piece of advice to keep trying, for anyone else out there trying to find reasons.
Maybe everyone else in your life is doing better than you, they have jobs and families and hobbies, and you're sleeping 20 hours a day and feeling worthless and lying to your family about how you're doing all the time so they won't be disappointed. Maybe you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s - and you still havn't achieved anything worthwhile, maybe you never will.
But once back in university I went out at 3am with the intention of ending my life, I was having a panic attack during a depressive episode, suicide hotline was busy and I went out almost in a daze with the intention of stepping into traffic desperate to end the terrifying panic and pain. But during my walk, a knock down drunk guy passed me and he smiled at me. He didn't even say anything, just smiled as he stumbled past.
For whatever reason, that tiny, seemingly insignificant gesture was enough to make me think twice about my decisions and go back home.
How many times have you smiled at someone on the street in passing, or at a cashier at a store, or at the bus driver? Probably 99% of the time it barely makes a difference to someone's day, but maybe 1% of the time it does, maybe it impacts someone, and maybe that tiny chance is worth you keeping your smile alive for.
Maybe a crappy sketch you did as a joke or a fanfiction you wrote one night at 3am is someone out there's favourite thing in the world, maybe the time you baked shitty cookies for the staffroom at work, one person is thrilled because they forgot their lunch, maybe that person you held the door open for last week was having a shit time and your tiny action reminded them that there were kind people in the world, maybe the old man who talked to you for 30 seconds in the grocery store line has been lonely for months and you made his day with your brief few exchanged words because you let him feel seen, maybe the postit note you wrote a silly message on ten years ago for someone in school is still stuck on their desk giving them motivation and reminding them that the world isn't all bad.
Maybe you are inputting into the world more than you realise, and even if you sleep for 72 hours at a time and spend 6 days of the week crying and feel like a waste of space, maybe the world is lucky to have you in it. Even if only for the tiny moments where you subconsciously smile at a stranger - because you are always more important than you feel you are, no matter who you are and what you do.
Maybe things won't get better, the likelihood is they won't, but maybe humans are made of tough stuff and have survived bullets and falls from airplanes, so maybe you can survive a lot more than you feel you can. Tomorrow things won't feel as bad, and next time you feel even more horrible you'll know you can get through it because you survived it last time.
Maybe every minute you're surviving is worth it for those little times you impact the world silently from the shadows without even knowing it.
Sometimes all you need to to is breathe to knock down a domino. So keep breathing, even if that's all you can do.
#not pokemon#tw#depression#suicide#probably delete later#but man i just need there to be some kind of advice out there besides 'it gets better' even if I have to force myself to write it
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Do you think politics should be kept out of fictional stories, or just from satires like The Addams Family?
Before I get to The Addams Family mixing with politics or not, let me clarify one thing: there's a difference between an artist adding political commentary to their work, and a big corporation like Netflix doing things like adding random political slogans to a character's dialogue to sell their product as "woke."
To make my point clearer, let me compare two properties BY Netflix.
First we have the anime Cyberpunk Edgerunners. It is a dystopia in which the people in charge have so much power, they can get away with OPENLY treating human life as absolutely disposable in every way because all that matters is that they keep making money, and the characters are just trying to make a living, their own way, so the system won't crush them like bugs.
The politics is part of the world building, and it is presented through us as just another part of the narrative - the challenges the characters face, and the consequences of them getting their way, or failing miserably.
Meanwhile, there were the random “woke” moments in Wednesday. A guy saves her life in the first episode. This leads to her being rude to him and asking if he saved her because women are all fragile damsels in distress that need a man to help them.
Wednesday had no idea who this guy was. She had no reason to believe he was sexist. He did not condescend to her in any. All did was help her out, and then explain to her what happened when she woke up at the infirmary.
Now, about your actual question: politics are, unfortunatelly, a part of life, so naturally that is reflected in fiction, and to pretend that political messages haven’t been a part of a ton of great shows, movies, and books is not just silly, is downright stupid. However, like anything in the writting process, it has to be done right - and what is right for one story, is completely wrong for another.
This wasn’t a “strong female character telling the patriarchy to fuck off”, it was a character spewing out cheap “empowering” lines to make the internet call her a feminist icon - and thus keep their Netflix account, praise the show, and recommend it to others for having said “feminist icon.” It is the equivalent of writing a scene with Wednesday’s roomate telling her - or rather, the audience - that she loves Netflix because it has all the best shows and movies she could ever want to watch.
This is as "bold" as Disney announcing it's 50th first gay character, which will get three seconds of screentime. It's not the writers sending a message to the audience, it's fake activism in it's laziest form.
Avatar The Last Airbender and A Song Of Ice And Fire are both stories that have among their themes grief, trauma, and the horros of war. Both could have key characters meeting a duel, but only Avatar could get away with making said duel a parody of a wresteling match, including an obvious stand in for The Rock, because it was a kid’s how and comedy was a big part of it. Both could have characters getting hurt or even dying, but only ASOIAF could show/describe these scenes, because it is aimed at adults and has a much darker, and straight up brutal tone.
The Addams Family is satire. That genre is PERFECT for the best kind of political commentary: the kind that is made through witty and/or silly jokes.
However, for said jokes to feel natural in the story, they have to be true to the essence of the characters - and the Addams’s main trait is that they’re weird, sometimes scary people.
To give you an exemple, in the first movie, we have a scene of Morticia proudly telling her daughter’s teacher that one of their relatives danced naked in the town’s square, enslaved a minister, and was burned as a witch. Morticia then says that she told her daughter that she is not only allowed to do the same, but is actually encouraged to, but only after she goes to college to get a proper education. This shows the Addams have exactly zero problem with women that were demonized through history because they were sinful, lustful, evil witches, and all that great stuff.
However, the same movie also mentions how they did the Mamuska, a traditional dance of their family, in honor of Jack The Ripper - a serial killer who violently murdered sex-workers.
This could look like a contradiction, but it isn’t, because the Addams’s whole deal is celebrating EVERYTHING that regular people find creepy, distasteful, sinful, inappropriate, morbid, vile, scary, etc.
Another exemple would in the sequel, Addams Family Vallues, in which Gomez and Morticia are listing all the “baby names” they thought of before finding the correct one - and among the options were both Lucifer and Mao.
Now, obviously this is the writers pointing out that Mao, the dictator that ruled China with an iron fist for years, was such a horrible person, he could be compared to the actual devil. But it also means that the Addams are not only okay with the guy, they actually considered naming their son after him. The movie is bashing Mao, but Gomez and Morticia are praising him for his terrible actions as a dictator - while the fact that he was a communist dictator is irrelevant, because the Addams are not communists. The joke is political, the characters are not.
And the super racist thanksgiving play Wednesday ruins in that same movie? She only did that because she was forced to participate in it, and she was sick of their fake, imposed happiness, that went as far as pretending that a massacre was actually a friendly dinner between the “civilized” europens and the “savage” natives. The scene was political, but the character was just doing something she knew would horrify and anger her enemies.
Even in THE tamest version of the Addams Family, the TV series of the 60s that had to drop nearly all of the dark humor, that element wasn’t lost.
There is an episode in which Gomez is supporting a politician. When Morticia asks him why in the world would he vote for a guy who is promising to destroy all the swamps when the Addams all like swamps, Gomez says that this is exactly why he is voting for him: is a campain promise, and everyone knows those are exactly what the guy will NOT do if he is elected.
But Gomez is still super friendly to the guy (the Addams way, which creeps him out), and there is no tension about how the other candidates are horrible and thus this guy is the good one, or at least the lesser of the evils they get to chose from. It is not taken seriously AT ALL. It’s just another excuse to have the Addams freaking the normies out.
The show was also praised for being one of the few family series that had the parents being actually happy together and in love, and taking good care of their kids. This was 100% because of the satire element, showing that the people who didn’t conform to what the traditional american family should be like were one of the few american families that were actually happy - but the Addams never point that out to us. Because it isn’t an act of rebellion on their part, at least not intentionally, they’re just living their lives.
They are NOT like us, so our ideas of politics could NEVER apply to them, because they simply can’t relate to it. That doesn’t mean the writers can’t add political commentary to the story - it just means they have to actually be competent at ballancing “these are my beliefs” and “this is what feels natural for the characters to do”
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it’s hard to support him after everything that happened. i’m not sure if he will ever regret the podcast, maybe the “damage” it did to his career but it seems like he doesn’t regret what he SAID. i just wonder if he actually believes everything he said, and if so how can any minorities still support/work/ be friends with him. i think Rina is the only one who truly spoke out against it. i wish he would just stop joking about how the podcast was this silly little bump in his career as if it didn’t genuinely affect the people he made fun of. sarcasm is supposed to be punching up, if he made jokes about straight white men and shit then that’s fair. but he was punching down by making fun of people who don’t have the same privileges as him (straight, white, male, rich and not forced to live in any oppressive countries) i know at finsbury he made a speech about how there’s stuff he wishes he could take back, but that’s not the same as actually saying that he regrets and apologizes for what he has done. i could’ve tried to forget it and stuff, but now that he’s tweeting about it like it’s this funny cool thing he did, makes me feel like he genuinely might just be a bad person, sucks to see him make fun of women and poc as if they aren’t a LARGE majority of his fan base. i love the 1975 and i think their music is great, but they wouldn’t have had the huge claim to fame in 2013 if it wasn’t for fan “girls” on tumblr that supported them so heavily, a lot of the mainstream people in the music industry (men) didn’t care about them but the teenaged women that supported them so much pushed them to the top.
this weird edgelord sardonic personality he’s been trying the last 3 or so years isn’t funny, like the adam friedland, dasha/red scare crowd he is trying to be apart of. he’s not a comedian he’s a singer. not saying he can’t tell jokes, i just don’t get is obsession with teetering the line between unforgivable and good guy. i understand pointing out the internets flaws and toxic masculinity, all stuff he can comment on without problem. but when he starts talking about POC, jewish people and women it’s just weird, it’s not his place to make fun of their oppression when he will never have to go through that.
i agree with some of the things you've said here but i still don't think he's a bad person at all. but hey, we all have our opinions and that's okay <3
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Hi! May i ask what you think of fans who keep preaching that Gojo has a god complex/that he's a whore and has a massive whore behavior?
Also how he's a narcissist because he took of his glasses for those pre-teen girls at Riko's school and where teacher gave him her number/ or tried to at least? Dude was shook. That was literally just a "shitty" teenage behavior more than anything else ff
Am I missing something? I know for a fact that Akutami's comments, especially regarding Gojo are more often than not trolls but fandom really likes to take it at face value and put Gojo into this one-dimemsional petty character.
But yeah, popular characters do tend to be done the dirtiest by the fandom.
honestly i dont really care for them. like sure i'll joke that perhaps they arent reading the same manga as me and everybody knows that i, a random stranger on the internet, am always correct and right in whatever i say–
that said, due to the generous use of symbolism of buddhist belief in the manga, i believe Gojo's whole God-Speech is more in line with Enlightenment than the acquisition of godhood. my friend @nanamispto actually had an amazing theory on that!! also, i wouldnt really call Gojo a narcissist as much as he's mostly just arrogant and eccentric. but to be fair, he IS the most powerful person in the world, so i guess he's earned that and also i think he's just very aware of the power he wields and the potential for total annihilation it holds.
my belief is that Gojo basically plays an act of being uppity, arrogant and annoying in order to mask the fact that he's the world's most powerful entity. in a way, he just likes making ppl think of him that way in order to cover up his vulnerability as he knows how painfully human he actually is. like, him getting locked into the Prison Realm was basically caused by him having a very emotional and human moment – Kenjaku was literally betting on Gojo having a one second reaction to seeing them in Geto's body. one second of genuine emotions, thats all it took. i think the concept of humanity and Gojo are very closely intertwined.
however, i do sometimes joke that this guy is a harlot but mostly only bc he always gets those needlessly extra poses like he's trying too hard to be good-looking like sir why do you need to spread your legs like that, there is literally no need. i love him and his complex characterisation, but i also think he's annoying and i want to grab his silly little mask and let it snap back against his face. this man is canonically bitchless, like GETO was the more popular one between the two of them – sure Gojo would attrat ppl by looks alone but as soon as he opens his mouth its game over kjDKBJKJF–
but yeah! i think it's sad a lot of really great and multifaceted characters are taken and then molded into one prominent trait, disregarding any cause for it or origin that made the characters act the way they did. it takes everything interesting away i think.
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I know this is just how the internet is, but like
i hate the internet so much sometimes. this was a child who was trying to escape a bad place. the kid died. we arent desensitized, people just fucking suck. people say a lot "oh we're desensitized to tragedy we make jokes about it" but like. yeah maybe you can make that argument about the kids who made fun of the shooter, but thats kids making jokes about an event THEY were a part of - that's happened forever. this isn't the same thing, and im already sick of it. It happens IRL too, i hear people making shitty jokes about tragedy like that (even terrifying and heartbreaking ones like the one above, which would usually be sobering if you bothered to process what you were looking at for five fucking seconds). i'm only a kid, i'm only 17, and i know older people will look at me and scoff or whatever. but i'm already sick of this place. i've had adults tell me "well MY generation turned out fine" but the thing is... that's survival bias. the teen suicide rates show that the jokes about tragedy and this whole suffocating atmosphere of making fun of people who are already in bad positions... it doesn't just "not affect people", yknow? like, sure, maybe a lot of suicides are because of other reasons. but you have to admit a decent amount of common suicidal thoughts are about "nobody will care" and "if i said something, nobody would care". nobody does care, and when tragedy happens, the most heartbreaking kind, you go "this looks like an album cover tee hee" like god im so sick of this. im sick of this place. a 19 year old dies in a submarine he didn't even really want to be on, and my friends are like "its fine though cause his parents were rich" like what. no. thats such a terrifying death, right? imagine dying like that. one of the worst i can imagine, you know? a nightmare. and i think back to hearing that a teenager dived in the pool and hit his head and needed CPR and shit. i never found out if he was ok, but people get stabbed and overdose around here all the time. all my parents do is laugh and say "that's why they say not to dive!"
i'm so sick of it. i want out of here, but there's nowhere to go except inwards. to "sanctuaries", where the people are more like me. yknow, i hear that the cool (gay) people are around the "sex, drugs, and rock n roll". but they've always died around me, so i guess i'll just look for more silver linings. the main reason i'm not dead is because if i survived an attempt and became paralyzed like someone else in my family, unable to even speak. That would be the worst possible ending. and a large part of me thinks it could happen. and everyone would just laugh! say silly things about it, meme on it. and if my friends died, people would laugh. and if a teacher dies at the school nearby, will they laugh if the teacher wasn't well-known? will they find any pictures "aesthetic"?
i once went to a crisis stabilization center. for the fifth or sixth time. the place was bad, but its the only one nearby. anyways. we met a kid who was 9 who we nicknamed the gravedancer. he fortnite danced on peoples graves. hilarious, right? i feel sick.
#suicide tw#suicide#internet culture#chronically online#extremely online#im sick of this place i swear to fuck#i try to be nice and empathetic#and in return im just called silly and naive#i dont want to be mean. i want to be nice#i hate it here#im not actively suicidal dont worry LOL im just. gosh im just so tired#hope this doesnt get flagged?? whats the rules of tumblr again i forgot oopsies
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Ladies and Gentleman I am jumping on the bandwagon.
(PSA: this is a super long post so if you only get through one sentence or one paragraph or the whole thing I am equally grateful for your attention, no hard feelings even if you give up after this sentence.)
It's time to talk about Anti-Hero.
"I have this thing where I get older, but just never wiser" bro same.
"Midnights become my afternoons." Midnights is a concept album which is always cool to me. You can make a concept album about any concept and it will be interesting to some degree. If someone made an album with the concept "going to the grocery store" or "getting my car inspected" I would be all over it. Can you really go wrong with a concept album?
Back to the point- Midnights is a concept album about sleepless nights throughout Taylor's life. Anyone who has been conscious in the past month has probably already heard that whether they want to or not. Only slightly less known is that this album was made with Jack Antonoff, producer of everything I love.
("Midnights become my afternoons." ) This line carries the feeling of what happens when you start to lose track of being a real person.
"When my depression works the graveyard shift all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room." When I heard this line I knew in my heart this song was going to be phenomenal. What a turn of phrase. How else could you simply explain the way it feels when it's a little too late and you're a little too depressed? How else can you express how haunting and real all your past mistakes, especially in relationships, become to you?
"I should not be left to my own devices, they come with prices and vices, I end up in crisis" WOW. This line took me a couple days to learn because it's that much smarter than me. They way she wrote that structurally is so incredible that this level craft would be a record-breaker even if it wasn't about any kind of real substance. But it is, lucky for us, as Taylor has called this one of the best songs she's ever written (source: just believe me I'm pretty sure I'm right).
"(Tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I'll watch as you're leaving cause you got tired of my scheming (for the last time)" In her beautifully crafted music video, she is seen running from these 'ghosts' wearing ridiculous sunglasses and her grandma's curtains, and it's cute and silly, right? She's having some fun with us?
(she is not) It perfectly showcases how our deepest fears can look ridiculous to those on the outside. The idea of leaving her might be ridiculous to the ones she's speaking to, but in her mind it is a real and present danger. It keeps her up at night and forces her to create incredible albums.
"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me."
Moment of silence for how relatable that one is.
For years there was a joke on the internet that Taylor Swift should write a song called "Maybe I'm the problem." I love the irony of that being used to cut her down so to speak, but when she finally does it it becomes one of her biggest songs ever overnight.
"At teatime, everybody agrees" Now in our video we get to meet the Anti-Hero, and guess what? It's Taylor Swift. Her Anti-Hero persona shows up encouraging normal Taylor to do shots and smash things. One thing I really love about this is that the 'normal' Taylor is really enjoying her company. Don't we all love hanging out with the devils on our shoulders? Isn't it fun to indulge?
"I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror." Anti-Heroes of stories seem so stubborn, it would be so simple for them to just change their ways so we could love them right? Why can't they just look in the mirror instead of trying to self destruct?
Again, she uses very simple words to capture something we all hate ourselves for doing. Who do we beat up most for just refusing to look in the mirror? Who do we get most frustrated with for refusing to change? Am I the Anti-Hero?
"It must be exhausting always rooting for the Anti-Hero." Spoiler Alert: Taylor knows she's famous. She also knows for years many of her fans have been teased or belittled for liking her. She knows the reputation (see: album reputation) that society and the media created for her, and she knows that sticking with liking her through that is going to at times be difficult. She knows that enjoying her product, especially in the past, came at a price. This line has a deeper meaning but to me, but initially it almost sounded like a thank you, like she was saying to us "Thank you for sticking with me when I was the Anti-Hero, I know they didn't make that easy."
Her Anti-Hero takes on fully the role of the bad influence, teaching her "Everyone will betray you." Like all misunderstood underdogs, there is a feeling of rejection, and an even deeper feeling of pain that gets unleashed in all these chaotic and self-destructive behaviors.
I would like to pause this post for a moment to point out the way Taylor holds this pen -
Moving on.
"Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby, and I'm a monster on a hill." Ok truthfully this line is the reason I wanted to do a post on this song because everyone hates it and I have to give my two cents.
The use of the term "sexy baby" is supposed to make you a little uncomfortable. That's what she was going for. Not only does it briefly point out the way we are trained to focus on appearances and how that infantilizes us, but the use of an awkward phrase is driving home the point about her being an outsider. The intense contrast of a sexy baby versus a huge monster expressed how big her feeling is, how much she feels like she is different from what people want her to be.
"Too big to hangout, slowly lurching toward your favorite city" She expresses her feeling further by showing us a huge Taylor crashing a dinner party, again, an almost comical demonstration that doesn't hurt your feelings if you don't think about it, but really hurts your feelings if you do. How many times have we walked into a room and felt that ridiculous, even though we likely weren't that big of a deal at all?
"Pierced through the heart, but never killed." A galavanting young man comes in and shoots Taylor with a bow and arrow. She starts bleeding, but it's not red. It's purple. It's sparkly. And she immediately tries to hide it in shame. Could she be telling us that what she is on the inside isn't dark and red and strong, it's vulnerable, glittery and almost childish? Is she just too soft for all of it?
Am I reaching? Yes, but I stand by it.
"Did you hear my covert narcissism I disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman?"
Everyone sit down and shut up that line is so awesome.
The dinner guests react by running from her tiny display of her true, vulnerable self, and she places a pin saying "Vote for me for everything" over the wound. Because where does the need to constantly campaign come from? What causes us to always be working to gain approval from others? Fear of rejection. So what does she do? She becomes altruistic, selfless, entirely focused on others needs and wants, but all the time internally hearing "Do they like me, should I have said that, am I cool enough, is everyone hanging out without me?" This narrative thought the eyes of a critic looks narcissistic, like why won't you just get over yourself? That critique just reinforces the concept and the process starts all over again.
(Tale as old as time) I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I’ll watch as you’re leaving and life will lose all its meaning (for the last time) Don't all of us, when that layer of anxiety rears it's ugly head, feel a sense of impending doom? As if this is our last chance, we better pull it off this time! Doesn't that feeling really kill the joy of using up that 'chance'?
"It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me. At teatime, everybody agrees. I’ll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror. It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero".
We welcome back with open arms Anti-Hero Taylor, watching her push her off the bed, forcing her to do more shots than she can handle, shaming her for her weight. The fun Anti-Hero that initially seemed friendly begins pushing her, driving her toward more and more destructive thinking and habits. We know we feel like crap when we drink too much, why do we do it? We know logically our bodies are fine and never going to be perfect, so why do we hate them so much? There in the back of your mind is your most loyal Anti-Hero, reminding you, just in case you started forgetting, that you're not good enough. What a b.
"I have this dream my daughter-in-law kills me for the money. She thinks I left them in the will." This is my opinion the most heartbreaking part of this song.
"Everyone will betray you." Even your own family. Even your own children. And the worst part is, Taylor knew it was coming. She already wrote them out of the will. What kind of life pushes you to be so distrusting? To strike even your own children preemptively, because you've learned ultimately even they will turn their back on you and use you?
"The family gathers ‘round and reads it, and then someone screams out “She’s laughing up at us from hell!”
Who gets the beach house? Cats. Why? Because pets don't betray you.
What kind of lonely life is it when the only people you trust to love you unconditionally and be worthy to inherit your legacy are cats?
Now let me be perfectly clear, I do not think that this is the constant state of Taylor Swift's life, nor do I think that cats do not deserve money. I'm zeroing in on what she's really telling us. Because it's not funny. This video is not funny.
"It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.
It’s me, hi I’m the problem, it’s me." Taylor looks up from her own casket to see absolute chaos from people who should be devastated to lose her, but are devastated to lose her money. And what's the common denominator that everyone in her life has? Her. She is the only thing that she knows for a fact they all have in common, so she's left with the belief that she elicits this reaction in people and it's her responsibility, when in reality they are all garbage and deserve 13 cents. But are they going to let her believe that?
"It’s me, hi. Everybody agrees, everybody agrees..." no. They're going make her the bad guy, because they can, so why wouldn't they?
"It's me, hi (hi), I'm the problem, it's me (I'm the problem, it's me)
At tea (tea) time (time), everybody agrees (everybody agrees)
I'll stare directly at the sun, but never in the mirror.
It must be exhausting, always rooting for the anti-hero."
After being fully convinced she's the problem, she's met again with her Anti-Hero, except this time, she's offering the booze. The Anti-Hero has trained her well. They sit on the roof and are joined by not-sexy-baby-monster-sized Taylor, and finally they seem somewhat relaxed. Why? Because everyone will betray you. You can only trust yourself.
I could go on and on and on about the mental health issues and deep emotion this video gives us access to, but I think the one that stands out to me most is this - it is exhausting rooting for the Anti-Hero. And we are all our own Anti-Hero in our mind. It takes work to be on our own side, to ignore the voices telling us that we are worthless, and to remember that no one views us as negatively as we tend to view ourselves. Taylor Swift has obviously had to learn to overcome her Anti-Hero, and she wanted us all to know that it's not a unique struggle. We're all doing our best. Don't beat yourself up.
youtube
#anti-hero#Taylor swift#midnights#spotify#songwriting#it must be exhausting#am I the anti hero?#sexy baby#jack antonoff#music video#concept album#Youtube#Spotify
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This is going to be slightly vague... that’s because I’ve been seeing similar situations more and more over the years, so this applies to a LOT of things, but if this reminds you of something recent, there’s a reason; this keeps happening.
I really love drawing and cartoons, but I’ve never been able to really “make a thing” in terms of having a career in art/animation. I’ve mostly given up on ever doing anything myself (for several personal reasons, I’ll talk about that elsewhere), but I’ve still got some thoughts about that; first, I guess I dodged a bullet, because every part of the entertainment and creative industry just seems to be DESTROYING itself. Big companies, small organizations, everything; we constantly hear about employees being mistreated, not getting paid properly for their work, being let go/fired over petty reasons, and so much more. People nearly killing themselves under the pressure to meet crunch deadlines, working through medical problems and various disasters, and then not even being financially compensated for what they do. Voice actors, both new/aspiring and well-known stars, are treated like they have no value.
Never mind how the content gets treated once it is finished (shows getting cancelled after the first season, not for lack of interest or success, but just because nothing is allowed to be “re-watched” or enjoyed more than once, a new show needs to come out every month, and the previous ones basically get erased), or the obsession with “no spoilers” (writers not even allowed to plan out plot-lines, actors not being given full scripts to read, nobody even knows what they’re doing or why), or video games all turning into the same thing (hyper-realistic graphics that glitch and make the game run slow, DLC for more than half the game to even be playable, and so much micro-pay going on you basically buy the game three times). So many people keep getting thrown in the trash. How is anybody supposed to CREATE anything? Even the “big” companies treat their employees like they’re working at some dinky little start-up that will “pay you in exposure”, so you wind up living in your car while they sell T-shirts with the art you drew, but you never even got a paycheck, so you definitely aren’t getting royalties.
Between movies, animation, video games, and every other creative field, people are working themselves past burn-out, and going “above and beyond” has become the constant state. I’m not even worried about myself getting a job; I hate the thought of seeing all the creative people I know (both personally and just from a distance) who have talent and passion potentially being eaten alive by what these industries have turned into. Yeah, jobs are hard, that’s why it’s called WORK, but PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE PAID FOR THEIR WORK. If your dream-job has turned into a nightmare, at the very LEAST you should get enough money to survive... but that just doesn’t seem to be happening. It’s terrible, and sad, and frustrating. It has also been going basically since FOREVER.
On top of that, incredibly unpleasant work environments just adding fuel to the fire. I hate that any complain regarding mistreatment between co-workers gets ignored as “PC nonsense”. It isn’t a NEW CONCEPT to be reasonably polite and professional in the workplace. Yes, even when you make silly internet videos, or cartoons, or whatever. I’ll be fair and say- sometimes people don’t know how rude they’re being, they don’t see how hurtful something is, and it can be embarrassing to be told they’ve done something wrong, and they wind up getting defensive. That much is understandable (to a degree). It still means they need to try and STOP. Don’t keep insisting actual harassment is “just a joke”. Jokes are what you tell people because you want them to laugh, and you want to make them happy. If somebody isn’t enjoying it, then it isn’t a joke. Sometimes you just need to say SORRY, because you didn’t realize it was a problem, and then move on. You DON’T just keep doing it until your co-worker is so miserable, they can’t even focus. If you can’t handle the idea of treating co-workers decently, then YOU are the problem.
Meanwhile, certain people who constantly share how deep their hate goes keep making money, because one time they made something that became popular, and it stayed that way. Not just hurtful, but HATEFUL, and fueled by the never-ending money from fans who don’t care about real people with real problems. Some people learn, change, and grow. I want to really stress that growth is hard and shouldn’t be discouraged (not to say minimum effort to be kind should be applauded, but if you finally see what’s wrong, and you want to do better, it is WORTH the effort to do so). However, some people double-down and intensify. They can’t let go of every awful thought they have, and turn it into a war, not caring about how much damage they cause. It is such a prevalent problem that almost NO organization or title is without people like that; so many movies, TV shows, cartoons, comics, books, and games connected to awful people... even when you drop something and boycott it forever, the person who caused the problem doesn’t get hurt. They still have all their money.
The way people get treated in the workplace is killing their creativity, and sometimes literally threatening their lives; between mental/emotional health getting destroyed, and not making enough money to pay bills or buy food, how is anybody supposed to live through this? It also makes the content itself suffer, and instead of giving the employees a chance to catch their breath so they can be satisfied enough to make quality work, they all get fired. Big companies buy smaller ones, studios get shut down, jobs suddenly vanish or get “dissolved”, projects are cancelled even when they were nearly complete, and people are left destroyed. Again, this has ALWAYS been a problem. Even way back in the old days of black-and-white movies and cartoons without sound, people got mistreated at work (and that can apply to basically any job). Media of all forms and entertainment might not be integral to survival, but creativity is still IMPORTANT. Telling stories, making music, and sharing art of any form is how we connect, both with reality and fantasy. How can anybody tell their stories in this condition? How can anybody even help other stories be told? It isn’t fair that so many GOOD shows get dropped on cancelled, it isn’t fair that so many people are worked nearly to death, it isn’t fair that problems like racism/homophobia/sexism/transphobia/etc get ignored for years and years. It never has been fair.
I’m not at all “internet famous” enough for anybody relevant to see this, but if they could; Start paying the people who work for you properly. Start treating them decently. Start allowing creativity to actually grow. Start rewarding all the effort being put into projects. Start paying attention to what needs to change. Start being better people.
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inside (2021)
some random quote from lord of the rings incorrectly attributed to martin luther king.
first of all, i hope what that post won’t be all about depression, but who knows.
bo burnham is a comedian. like many comedians, he jokes about feminism («everyone's a feminist until there is a spider aroundt»), about the phrase «white man» and that the cursed capitalists have again destroyed the world. and he didn’t joke five years before that stand-up. in the summer of 2016, the last special “make happy” came out, which ended with the song «can’t handle this», which described the difficulties of being a comedian. before this bo had serious problems with feeling himself on stage (regular panic attacks during the performance), which led him to a certain situation from which he fight for five years.
and so, as he was finishing his therapy by the beginning of 2020, the idea matured. he can go on stage again, make jokes, tell people about his life, and work again. again these «night shifts» with the desire to make people happy, repeating the same jokes to get out of his dead-end work on a new round and the next year repeat all the same. and then, the funniest thing happened.
this is another film about pandemic reality. unlike «knives out: glass onion» all happens in one place. unlike «staged» only one person works on this. no job share or «zoom comedy». we see what is locked in a small house, creating reality around us and trying to find a common idea that will cheer the viewer. and that’s the hardest thing for a live comedian to do: to hear laughter and applause where they didn’t exist.
i think we all heard «welcome to the internet» and maybe «1985» that make fun of some reality around us. and while the second song is outtakes, the first one is almost at the end of the whole stand-up. and even from there, we meet this contrast of comedy that exists for bo and comedian. we see a contrast between «joker» and «depression», but they are connected in one - in one person.
the theme of comedy in depression is now common. satire on society is mixed with outright frustration and fear. with what requires the help of a specialist. bo in depression. and on this topic even there is a scientific work - about how separate personalities in this stand-up. you didn’t think i’d just write about a bunch of music jokes, did you?
anyway, in order to see the structure of the show for netflix, we need to break it down into episodes. yes, between each song there are certain phrases, stories, moment and even work with frame (oh, my favorite theme), but this i will touch at the end, and in the meantime small structural points that i take from the «top of the iceberg».
(yes i love read a lot of paper work about things i passionate about. as always.)
song 1. / content.
the first song is the most important song. we open the stand-up for an hour and a half from a comedian who always played the piano as part of the performance (let’s call it a concert), and the first song is what gives us context. background? maybe even exposure.
this is the beginning. at the end of «make happy» we see a high level of stress. here, if it does appear, it does not grow.
and in the 7th line of the whole stand we see «robert’s been a little depressed, no» and attempts to «get out» of this state - to get up, sit down, write jokes and sing silly songs. he made «content», which he hopes the public will like - and himself. so we see both apology, invitation, and justification. the first song. what’s next? who knows.
song 2. / comedy.
one of my favorite songs is for obvious reasons. beginning - questions, questions, questions, - literally all doubts about the work. flexi-time and light workload are cool, but not when you are working alone and in bad relationships with your workmate. can the work be done? maybe comedy isn’t as glamorous as work? maybe, maybe, maybe?
and all these doubts that are based on the desire to make the world a better place, to keep it better than it was before. and all of them cut off on money, which is a certain technique that creates a comedy out of horror.
making it absurd. the technique is simple and old, but it does not get worse.
this is all - a big oxymoron. «healing the world with comedy» - «not for free». «to give your money to change the world? no, i’m better will take money to change the world.» and so on. a bright image is a comedy world in practice is harder to change than money. «if you wake up in a house that’s full of smoke don’t panic-call me and i’ll tell you a joke». will a joke save you? i don’t know, but i don’t think so.
it then cuts to a scene of robert, the actual person sitting in front of the mirror with a microphone in hand and talking. it creates a sharp contrast between the performance of “comedy” and this following scene as from the overwhelming experience of many cuts and sounds, he is suddenly sitting in daylight in silence. this scene is also important because it is one of the first ones that create this sense. he even says that: “it will be only me and my camera and, of course, you and your screen” which ultimately connects robert and the viewer as it feels almost like an intimate relationship because no one else is present.
song 9. / look who’s inside again.
the whole stand-up, if we divide it into «robert» and «bo», shows us this «prison cell» in which they find themselves. one location. wires on the floor that are tangled. pandemic. own fears. this is a conflict of «fight club», but in miniature, in the aquarium. and the visual appearance of the scene with this song - the camera on the floor, the wire around, the lack of bright color lighting and the element «show» - is more a personal conversation about whether you can do your job if you are alone in the room and you are not a freelancer. can you do your job if you don’t have a deadline, if you’re depressed and «surrounded»? try.
but cool thing about this: it cuts to another behind the scenes sequence where robert is testing the mist machine and is moving the cameras. this specific scene is interesting because it is ended with the camera falling where robert is trying to catch it but failing his attempt. that again creates the illusion of an “accident” which brings the question of whether it was all planned or truly an accident. this scene might only create the illusion of authenticity and relatability which then helps burnham to create a deeper relationship with the viewer.
song 11. / 30.
robert (not bo, again) is sitting in the middle of the room next to a digital clock that shows that it is two minutes before midnight. it had been six months since starting to work on this special and that he thought that he would have been finished by his birthday, but didn’t manage to achieve that and sits for the remaining minute of his twenties in silence.
and “clap”. 12:00 on the clock, so he didn’t achieve his idea.
yes, this is another post about the crisis of growing up. yes, i know that everyone is tired of it, but apparently, people are really afraid of getting old. overcome 18 years, 21 years, 30 years, 40 years and beyond. nobody wants to become old. especially those who make money with their humor. «humor and old age are not compatible», yes?
but this part of the scene is bo. it’s a show. it’s a show out of the idea of aging. the show out of awareness is old. the show from the realization of «i am thirty, i no longer fit the definition of «young», yes?». i feel sorry for everyone who goes through this.
song 14. / all time low.
i was talking about a «contrast». about the separation of bo and robert. so this song shows all of this robert’s depression and bo’s depression. the first one sinks. the second makes of this show. the first jokes through force. the second presents his horror picture, like a skittles or something - bright, sweet, but still it turns out that something is wrong. and that’s one person. still.
song 19. / goodbye.
i realize we’ve been gone a long time for a thousand words, so i’m really trying to cut down on what i think, write and say here.
this song is important for the visual element (like the whole stand-up, let’s be honest). we see robert - short hair, short beard. he’s at the beginning. he just comes up with an idea. «the concept of the last song». he comes up with a way to start over after five years of missing.
he enters the cage. promises to become a prisoner. he asks if he has returned many years ago when he first started. he’s trying to figure out what to do when the format changes, the salary is the same, and the work is out of touch.
the song mixes everything before. and it’s an important element.
the promise to get into the cage. thoughts that mix and should be structured. questions about finding a beginning. first attempts after a break. do you get the point?
after songs. / truman show.
we watched an hour and a half of how one person locked in a cage struggles with himself. things from "can’t handle this" remain relevant.
and it’s time to get out of the cage. find the wall, climb the stairs and realize that you’ve been surrounded all this time. and robert’s doing it. gets out of his «dragon lair». if the hero’s journey is through the dragon fight, then for robert the dragon is himself.
we see visual elements - tangled wires, light, pictures on the wall, a ray that falls on the clock (two minutes left... one minute left...). we see all this and in this one of the nicest things about this work is that it was done by one person, makes it original. completely. solutions with light. decisions with composition. decisions with music. all this is one robert burnham. a depressed guy who plays silly songs, jokes, tries to come up with something new and creates. it is robert burnham who is the writer, director, principal actor, musician, makeup artist, creative director and performer. he is all of this. he creates his reality in a little house-cage, and we get to look at it. discuss. and that’s the beauty of this work – persona.
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Rules (well it’s more like “things to keep in mind”)
1. Even though I am an adult, (20 y/o) no smut or anything suggestive in that way. It makes me uncomfortable. Jokes about it and stuff like that are ok, just please don’t try anything with my muses! Thanks!
1.5 And with my age being 20, just please be at least 15 years old before roleplaying with me.
2. No angst or whump or anything, please. I made this blog to have silly fun and to get my mind off of bad stuff, so I’d prefer things stay lighthearted. Just a personal preference. The most I’ll do is emotional hurt/comfort.
3. Please feel free to interact with this blog, send asks, reply to my starters, etc. !!! Even if my posts are months old! I don’t mind! I’m shy by nature and am very intimidated by other roleplay blogs, so I might be a bit hesitant, but please don’t let that stop you from responding to any of my starters or anything.
4. Crossovers or OCs from any kind of franchises are super open and welcomed, with any of my muses!
5. Since this is a sideblog, I’ll usually reblog if I want to reply, because if I press like it’ll be from my main blog and it’ll be confusing. My main blog is completely unassociated with roleplay.
6. I am not new to roleplay, but I know that I am not the best writer. I’m still adjusting to how roleplay blogs function on Tumblr, too. My apologies for this!! I’m trying to get better and know more, and am hoping that experience will help. Feel free to give me tips in this regard.
7. I am busy with work and other things outside of the internet, so I won’t always reply immediately. If I stop responding, I either couldn’t think of anything or I got intimidated. I don’t mean to ghost you, I am just very anxious. If this does end up happening to you, don’t feel bad about starting up another roleplay!! Sorry about this! (P.S. If your rules specify that you’d like to be told when a thread drops, I will do so.)
8. I will adapt to whatever style of roleplay you do. If you type a paragraph, I will type one back. If you type a line of dialogue, I will type one back. Don’t feel pressured to write a ton or a little or anything!! Write as much or as little as you’d like! This is supposed to be for fun! :D
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"#tbf i have not watched it" Then why are you commenting on it's quality?
Convenient how you truncated that sentence and removed the parts saying but I know several of the story arcs bc I’m chronically online and obsessed w Anakin Skywalker #and hearing about a lot of them it’s like??? he would not fucking do that
I also guess you saw that tag but missed the ones saying #if you disagree that’s fine ypu can just mute the TCW critical tag assfkldgk 🏃♀️ literally I’m not trying to spark some huge debate you can enjoy whatever you want, I’m just a silly goofy girlie trying to make the subset of the fandom that does dislike TCW!Anakin laugh with a little meme it is not that deep bestie - I properly tagged my post with both #TCW critical and #the clone wars critical, remember that these are the times where you go to the muted tags section and curate your fandom experience bless ✌️
That said you’ve decided to send me an anon ask and this is ppl misunderstand my sw posts take 345 so sure;;;; let get into it - this meme was specifically aimed at the characterization of Anakin Skywalker- I have no opinion on TCW’s quality as a stand alone show, in fact if you were to divorce it from the source material, it does look pretty ok. More specifically, this post is about a phenomenon in the SW fandom where some Anakin haters are basing their entire argument for why he’s always been an irredeemable character on TCW plot lines, which is infuriating when you’re a huge Anakin fan - bc yeah, from what I’ve heard, some of his actions in TCW do suck… but that is not the Anakin character I enjoy, it’s some other guy with the same name. I’m entirely willing to admit Anakin is a bad person (with some nuance that is) but for god sake your argument should at least be somewhat rooted in the original source material. If someone said "your favourite character sucks actually, he did this bad thing in a fanfic I read!" I think you’d agree it’d warrant a certain level of frustration.
"If you’re not talking about the overall writing quality of TCW then why did you phrase it like that?" BECAUSE ITS A FUCKING MEME this always fucking happens and y’all have me wanting to bang my head against a wall;;;;; you simply cannot make a point through meme format without losing nuance - a meme needs to be short and to the point, so yeah, I do sacrifice a lot of nuance when expressing some things just because I think it will make a funnier post, bc again and again I make the mistake of assuming the audience will have the intelligence of understanding that it’s a FUCKING JOKE. Once again;;;; I am literally just being silly and goofy in my internet corner - I think I might have made a total of 5 serious sw posts and two of them were fanfic rec list (obviously not the real number but like;;;; even post where I do communicate a genuine sw opinion are often phrased in a very joking manner, above all im here to have a silly time not get into fandom fights lmao)
Now that is more rude that I usually allow myself to get bc I believe in healthy respectful exchanges, and I do apologize for that but then again if you’re looking for an edifying conversation maybe you should start by not sending people bitter anons ❤️
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