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emmettsmantiddies · 1 year

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A Goodbye

it’s been literal years since i’ve posted on this account, but i have been thinking about and reflecting upon my time as a Twilight Content Creator™. i’m going to be talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly, so brace yourselves. everything is under the squiggly line.

i started this account to send twilight memes to my best friend and keep them all in one place. I started making silly little memes as a joke, and then kept making them for enjoyment. I was really isolated during COVID, as i have an autoimmune disease, and then i had a lot of major things happen in my real life that caused me to seek even more solace within the fandom and the connections i made online.

i wrote a fanfic, and to this day i’m proud of it. i don’t think i’ll ever make the sequels i planned on, but the door is always open.

i met some amazing people, and was invited into a group. it was one of the first times i felt a sense of belonging and like i was integral to a group. maybe that’s self aggrandizing a bit, but hey, this is a goodbye post, so i should be allowed to, i think.

it’s actually this group that i’ve been thinking about lately. i want to make it clear that my actions and reactions are on me, but that’s it. this will come into play later. this also isn’t about clearing my name or anything like that. i think i need to write this and send it for some closure to myself.

as time went on, i slowly started changing, and not always for the better. i think my real life had a lot to do with it, but it also had to do with me. i was using the group as escapism, and rather than see the group as just that--a group, i treated it like ‘holly and ensemble’ which was incredibly wrong of me. i sincerely regret how self-centered i was at that time. i also look back at who i was and i’m not happy with her. i’ve changed (thankfully) and i truly believe i’m a better person. i took jokes too far, made poor comments, and caused real harm to people i cared about.

but as is common in groups, slowly it becomes more of a hivemind. this group was no exception--and this is not in any way me trying to escape culpability or shade anyone. we were all complicit. a lot of little incidents and grievances piled up without being addressed and boiled over after i made, admittedly, bad and ignorant takes and doubled down on them. by the end of my time there, it was no longer ‘let’s discuss this issue’ but ‘this issue has one answer and if you don’t agree you’re ‘<insert -ism of choice here>’.

once i caused that lid to open, the toothpaste was unconditionally and irrevocably out of the tube. what followed was a messy friendship break up. i take full responsibility for my actions, and have learned and grown in the 2+ years since then. i discussed this incident in therapy lately, and something my therapist told me was that “you are not responsible for other people’s feelings. you are not responsible for other people’s actions.” so while yes, i messed up in a major, major way, a lot of the stuff that went down after my attempts to apologize and do everything in my power to rectify the situation was not on me. that’s hard and honestly scary to admit. because when you have so many people telling you that “you are x, you did y, you caused z” you believe it. especially on the internet.

i gained and then lost a lot of the people i considered friends on the internet. and while that may not seem consequential--as they’re internet friends, a lot of them came into (and subsequently left) my life at a turbulent time. i felt completely isolated after. now i’m sure people will say, ‘boohoo, you said ignorant stuff you deserve that’ but i have a hard time believing that when your friend makes terrible decisions, you just drop them. it’s a lot easier to do on the internet than in real life. it’s also a lot easier to make things fit your narrative. everyone has a narrative. the truth is somewhere in the middle. the fact of the matter is that i was not the only one making those jokes, i was not the only one going hard towards other people, but i was the one who took the fall for most of it (this does not include some of the comments i made, this is about some of the less major things i was called out for). again, i cannot be responsible for other people’s emotions or reactions. i don’t want this to come across as defensive, but after two years i can realize that i was done dirty. if you do not bring something to another person’s attention, they cannot do anything to fix it. period. if you don’t say something because you are too scared to upset someone--that is on you. by the same token, you are not responsible for how someone reacts when you bring something up. you are not responsible for the fallout when you set boundaries and those boundaries are broken.

i’m actually physically shaking writing this. that is how much anxiety and fear i have developed when talking about what happened. i finally had the nerve to read through what people said about me in the tags. regardless of what anyone says, there are two sides to every story. one side may be blatantly right, but that does not negate the fact that there are two sides. the fact of the matter is people will believe the first side to come out because they feel the other party has something to hide. i am honestly terrified of what will happen when i do post this. this group knew everything about me, my name, address, etc. and even though i haven’t been involved with any of them for years, i still have that fear of retaliation. i don’t think they ever would, but i also never thought i’d be in a callout situation (we as a group had discussed on many occasions how we would never do that to each other). i don’t want to minimize the hurt and pain i caused others, but also looking at it from the grand scheme of things, i made some offhand, harmful jokes and statements, doubled down, but then learned from them. that is all you can ask of people. i will not pretend that i am the poster child for ‘what to do when called out’ because again--i was self-centered and unyielding at first. but if we as a whole do not allow people the space to grow, there’s no motivation to change and a fear of being wrong and avoiding tough conversations. that doesn’t mean anyone is entitled to forgiveness, but someone should not be held back from continuing to better themselves.

if i could go back, i would’ve handled the situation differently. i would’ve asked for more time before having a major conversation, as emotions were flying high and the result wasn’t nearly as productive as it could’ve been. decisions i made in the moment were held against me, but the same decisions were seen as justified in other people’s hands.

i have so many good memories from that group, and i still think about them with fondness. i also have bad memories from my mistakes and mishandling of the situation. both can coexist. i want to thank the people of that group and of my broader ring of mutuals (both current and former) for the laughs, conversations, and friendship, however brief it was. to the chat: thank you so much for all of the support you gave me during the hardest time in my life, i am forever grateful for that. i genuinely do not believe that i would be where i am if not for all of you. as strange as it may be, thank you for the call out. i may not agree with the methods, but at the end of the day, it did open my eyes and give me the opportunity for some serious self reflection (not the kind that happens 3 days after a major incident) (that’s a dig at myself) and now i’m a better person because of it. i apologize for all of the pain i caused. i absolutely despise goodbyes, so i will simply wish you peace and happiness and healing in all of your endeavors.

i wish everyone who ever followed me, interacted with me, or glanced at my silly little blog nothing but the best, and i hope that you have grace for those who make mistakes and poor decisions. i will be logging out after i post this, but i will not delete my blog. sometimes i like to reminisce and have a chuckle at the content i’ve made.

For anyone curious about Wilbur, he’s doing well and is still the best menace to society.

Much love,

Holly, formerly known as emmettmantiddies

#emmettsmantiddies #goodbye #mine

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

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Emmett after watching Jasper try to kill Bella:

#emmett: jasper was just in a silly goofy mood

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

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So the guy who plays Vladimir (Noel Fisher) in Breaking Dawn part 2 was in my favorite childhood movie Max Keeble’s Big Move. (*stephon voice* this movie has everything: Josh Peck obsessively wearing a robe, an evil ice cream man, too many mentions of the bassoon, the dad from Lizzie McGuire wearing a cheese costume, a bully who is afraid of a Scottish frog, a milkshake party where middle schoolers dance on tables and drink milkshakes with lil Romeo.) if you’ve never seen it it’s even more wild than I make it sound and it’s very much a product of 2001.

Anyways, I was thinking about the movie and how Noel Fisher plays the main bully of the movie Troy McGinty. Every day he reveals who he is going to bully by wearing a shirt with their name. And I found this:

Now all I can imagine is an au where Vladimir wears a shirt with his name on it the entire time he’s on screen in Breaking Dawn Part 2

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

Photo

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

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Me: So, the eggs Emmett carries in the first Twilight movie are actually incredibly symbolic and indicate the complexities of both humans and vampires while also adding to the lore of the Twilight vampires.

The girl who just sat down next to me in Starbucks, shoving her notebook back into her bag: Actually, I gotta go.

Me: Wait! We aren’t even halfway done with the powerpoint yet!

#in this au i wrote a thesis on emmett's eggs #emmett cullen #twilight #twilight saga #mine #twilight renaissance #twilight revival

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

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#the pets are emmett's eggs #i will not be taking criticism at this time

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

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I posted 8,769 times in 2021

92 posts created (1%)

8677 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 94.3 posts.

I added 516 tags in 2021

#gail core - 99 posts

#twilight - 73 posts

#favorite - 73 posts

#i love this - 48 posts

#prev tags - 43 posts

#bella swan - 41 posts

#that’s my wife - 37 posts

#edward cullen - 36 posts

#twilight renaissance - 34 posts

#twilight saga - 32 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#although i’m not a fan of the character can we appreciate how good of an actress mackenzie is and how she is literally perfectly casted

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

i just found a tumblr and the URL was essentially “khaki” and the whole blog is like pictures of khaki clothing and stuff. its honestly a really cool blog. but scrolling through it all i could think of was Edward “loves khaki” Cullen

50 notes • Posted 2021-01-15 06:12:28 GMT

#4

87 notes • Posted 2021-01-23 20:38:00 GMT

#3

does anyone have that full quote from midnight sun that’s starts off with “you could bind me in iron and steel” and something about how bella had more power over him then anything else?

97 notes • Posted 2021-01-26 21:38:38 GMT

#2

honestly twilight blogs urls are so fucking funny because they are trying to say that they are a twilight blog but there are only so many things you can think of

but people get so fucking creative

and so many of them are random things in the movies

example: @angelasglasses @emmettsmantiddies @lemonadebottlecap @bellasredchevy @esmeshardwoodfloors

138 notes • Posted 2021-01-10 22:38:01 GMT

#1

“hold on tight spider monkey”

275 notes • Posted 2021-01-23 20:36:29 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#ok i j saw this #but i'm honored to be on someone's review #even if it's bc of my stanning of the mantiddies #i stand by my username

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emmettsmantiddies · 2 years

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The cursed moodboard nobody asked for

#this bad boy is making the rounds again #and i do mean bad #like in a cursed sort of way #so uh i'll reblog it too #happy holidays<3

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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Y’know James is the definition of white man mediocrity

This MFer was so ugly he only became “decent” looking when he was a vampire.

And yet he was out here acting like hot shit.

#james #twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #twilight revival #mine

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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They always ask “wyd” but never “bwthhybl”😔

#if you struggle with acronyms #it's bella where the hell have you been loca #twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #twilight revival #new moon #bella swan #jacob black #mine

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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A little PSA for people who use AO3…

Gen refers to fic that is not focused on romance. If your fic is not a romance fic, please give it this tag.

Other refers to fic that is focused on romance, but is not specifically male/female, male/male, or female/female (like an OT3 (ship involving 3 people), a ship involving characters that are not male or female, etc). IT IS NOT FOR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS. IT IS FOR ROMANTIC ONES. please for the love of all that is holy do not tag your family-relationship-centered fics as “other” you are going to give people a HEART ATTACK.

“Character/Character” is for romantic pairs. “Character & Character” is for platonic relationships like friendship, family, etc. Please do not tag family-centered or adult-and-minor-centered platonic character relationships as character/character for the love of all that is holy

The E rating is for smut and literally nothing else (unless you have other unusual reasons to rate it E–I’ve seen people apply it to non-smut fics as a deterrent to keep minors away from it, but keep in mind it’ll make it so people who are trying to avoid smut will not find your fic). Your fic that has a lot of graphic violence but no sexual content does not need an E rating.

The M rating is for fics that would basically be rated R if they were movies, and may contain graphic violence, some sexual content, and generally more serious subject matter than you would typically show a teenager. However, if your fic is almost entirely smut, please just give it an E rating.

Also, when you post a fic, you WILL want to give it a rating, or else AO3 will assume you’re probably posting smut and will warn everybody who clicks on your fic that it may contain adult content. If you don’t want that on your fic that contains no adult content at all, please just give it the proper rating instead of not rating it at all.

this post brought to you by PLEASE LEARN HOW THE TAGGING SYSTEM ON THIS WEBSITE WORKS YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE EVERYONE A HEART ATTACK

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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Edward as soon as James started tracking Bella: Why arent you worried about the safety of any of your school friends?

Bella:

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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Old Soul Links

Since I’m currently writing the sequel to Old Soul (more details coming soon), I figured I’d drop the links to Old Soul so that I have them all in one place for easy access.

Summary: Raquel Lewis is new to Forks, Washington and is quickly exposed to the intriguing Cullen family, especially Emmett Cullen. What she doesn’t know is that she’s an old soul. In fact, not only is she Emmett’s blood singer, but also has been two of the humans Emmett has killed in her past lives. Can she live to tell the tale of this lifetime? Or is her history meant to repeat itself?

All links open to the first chapter, no spoilers here!

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25095658/chapters/60793771

The Pad of Watt: https://www.wattpad.com/915657364-old-soul-chapter-one-new-school-new-me

FFN: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13745594/1/Old-Soul

#reblogging for vanity purposes #also i'm still really proud of what i wrote #and because finley and i were talking about it the other day #:)

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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Rare scene from Midnight Sun’s graphic novel!!

#this is not real #just to clarify #midnight sun #twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #twilight revival #edward cullen #alice cullen #mine

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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Breaking Dawn Part 2 dir. Bill Condon (2012), colorized

#might as well spam some content while we're at it #twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #twilight revival #seth clearwater #mine

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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The Eclipse Fight Training Scene, a Summary

Jasper: We're gonna use Emmett as an example because he acts like a newborn--strong with no brain cells lol

Emmett, internally: they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, when you're not really fine, but you just can't get into it because they would never understand.

#is this not how it went down #in honor of twilight being on netflix in the year of our lord 2021 #kind of breaking a permanent hiatus for this post #twilight #twilight saga #Emmett Cullen #jasper hale #eclipse #mine

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emmettsmantiddies · 3 years

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Edward: Recent evidence has shown that vampires may not be immune to COVID-19, so you better wear your MASK!

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