#i was trying to make a point but theres some pretty gross stuff in there
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What about some lulu headcannons since you seem to like her? :)
oh anon u are spoiling me.... heres a little sketch of her college life. let me begin . . tw for general creepypasta things, abuse, bullying, death, etc
ok. so a lot lulus og stuff is gross obviously (although a majority of the og creepypastas have gross origins/creators). as a kid, i was pretty attached to her, but looking back , its just. ugghhghgh. which is why i want to try giving her her own horror type story while still following some of the core things that made her her. BEGONE WITH MIDDLE/HIGH SCHOOL KILLERS...
lulu is 24 but described as 'physically 14' which bugs me esp bc theres so much emphasis on her body being like an adult. and frankly i am not crazy about yet another 'little kid bullied/abused then goes crazy/demonic' story so i scrapped the bullshit ‘is 24 but looks 14 but is drawn like she’s 24!’. So I decided to just to make make her whole zalgo poisoning occur later in life. since its now set in university, a handful of things changed. mayhaps she knows jack ?
she grew up as a rich girl being put through several private schools growing up. she wasnt the smartest, she wasnt the most social, and while i think that the og story did this really fucking poorly, she did deal with harassment cuz she developed early. ranged from people calling her a slut for the same clothes as a thinner girl, to getting dress coded for no good reason, to rumors, etc. so, she's being bullied by her peers, though its moreso a ton of gossip rather than stuff in her og. overall school sucked for her
finally she goes to university. shes away from all those people, away from her helicopter parents, away from dress codes and loneliness. she tries SO hard to keep up the perfect daughter persona in public bc she knows shes walking on thin ice(having been punished for things out of her control all her life), with a wardrobe full of pencil skirts and button ups, but then she finally meets this guy named josh. but that shit gets seriously exhausting. and as many kids in her position do, she wants to Rebel .. she starts going to parties and whatnot w her edgy ass roommate. random garage shows, raves, generally reckless behavior etc. its not her fully her thing but she's there and having fun.
idk his name in the og story but there was that guy that led her on just to further abuse her. i changed him up and made him some guy in a frat that she met at a rando party. he was so sweet to her the first time they met, they talked for a long time at the party, he was cool overall and she never ever craved attention like this before - she never even GOT attention like this before, coming from an all girls school, so she clung. but he wasnt actually gonna date her, so he said some bullshit excuse about 'you know how greek life is, my frat wont let me date u unless u join this specific sorority!! soz' and he chose the worst, most clique-y sorority that has the most insane hazing ritual for girls that arent sought after. he thought there was no way she'd give it a shot and he could get her off his back. a dick move, but he didnt think she'd do it.
but, she does - and the hazing is fucking shit. the girls in the sorority are worse than the girls in highschool (and maybe in cliché fashion, one of her highschool bullies ended up in the sorority before her?). it starts off as things like 'oh you gotta buy your sorority sisters coffee for a week' to 'oh you have to be drunk/high throughout all your classes for a week' to completely deranged shit like branding yourself or slashing a professors tires. things nobody in their right mind would do, typically.
i havent decided exactly how exactly lulu hits the point where they think she's dead, but a group of sorority girls think she is. they panic, and in their panic cannot feel her pulse or hear breathing. she's completely unconscious, cold, and frankly on the way to death - so they take her to slenders forest and get to work
they bury her in a shallow grave, unaware of all the different demons residing in the forest watching one of the most gruesome displays of humanity. if youve watched girl from nowhere, theres a scene where nano gets buried alive by a group of her classmates then she wakes up . . imagine that.
im thinking, similar to the operator, zalgo can infect people as well . . maybe people on their death beds ? anyway, lulu's infected. long after the girls run off, lulu manages to dig herself out of the grave. shes wheezing, coughing, sobbing, its dark and cold and foggy, and she now has to come face to face with zalgo making some weird 'i saved you, i want something in return.' and there goes her eyes !!! rip lulu. maybe zalgo did it cuz hes a dick, maybe he actually needs human parts to seal the deal.
theres some more interaction but overall lulu doesnt have a ton of demon powers or anything. new wounds heal quickly, but her past ones will never will. she can be eerily quiet, popping in and out with fog, doesn't need food/water/sleep. . she does have kinda crazy strength(no agility or speed), but she's so mentally weak it does nothing for her
for a while she does just wander the forest in complete and utter mourning, until one of the proxies finds her and is like Oh Fuck that's not human. toby describes her as a zombie. so she's another job for them to handle
eventually they settle her in the hospital with ann.. the hospital is likely an area that experiences more fog, being closer to the lake perhaps, so it just makes sense to put her in an area she can see. it took a while for lulu to calm down bc she now has a pretty big fear around women , and the proxies have to CONSTANTLY come around and check in for a while, cuz she feels safer with them. maybe they tried putting her with jack but jack said absolutely the fuck not. bc lulus legitmately scary. she's constantly croaking, crying, wheezing, dripping blood everywhere she goes, etc.
she eventually gets along with ann, who thinks lulus cute and fun to chat with. i made a joke about them doing tiktok dances together but like. i could see it. maybe ann reminds lulu of her roommate, the only girl whos been completely nice to her ? dunno. (despite the roomie being the reason lulu got into the partying and stuff)
mmmmmm yeah. that is basically the entire rewrite .
i likely wont include her too much in the story just because the rewrite is so drastic+shes not all too popular but i used to feel very fondly towards her when i was 10 and i do think her character cconcept is super cool (the fog, the eye stuff, zalgo poisoning etc). theres just hella weird stuff but its a creepypasta from 2013 idk what we expect
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Ok so, I have only ever watched one episode of Adventure Time, and it was on a hotel room TV, in terrible hindi dub, and I barely remember it on account of being 10(?) but it horrified me.
I remember the MCs trying to get Ice King a girlfriend or something, but he keeps being a gross asshole so they take him to a lake and point at some swans to try and explain love to him. They point to two swans kissing like ':D' and he's like 'ewww' and then the male swan suCKS IN AND EATS THE FEMALE and IK's like ':)))' while the boys stare in horror.
IDR how the episode ended or how much I watched, but I remember thinking 'wow american cartoons are hardcore. I'm sticking to pirated pokemon from now on.'
And you are telling me that show had lesbians in it leter????
oh my god im so sorry but imagining you watching that swan scene as a 10 year old is so fucking funny, i can understand why you stuck with pirated pokemon LOL
adventure time is absolutely very fucked up in a lot of different ways. the early seasons leaned into that type of absurd shit you just described a lot more especially. while the later ones actually started getting more existential and building on the worlds lore.
there wasnt exactly a focused plot, per say. i mean, there was, but it wasnt something methodical and planned out, it was played by ear. and i think it really worked. the way they did it turned out a really cool magic system (based on the idea that reality is just collective perception, and magic users are aware of this and can manipulate perception ergo reality. but the more cosmic knowledge you have the more insane or depressed you become etc especially if youre mortal), and also cool world building (it takes place in a post apocalypse after a nuclear war, now far into the future the face of the earth has completely changed but the horrors unleashed still impact it today), and also a lot of really amazing themes (the world is always changing and nothing is ever permanent, but no matter how things change things also stay the same, in a different way. especially where bonds and love are concerned. everything stays.)
and YEAH there are lesbians (i mean i always hc marcy as bi but still). and they also come from the shows improvisational nature. theres a lot of genuinely really amazing relationships and plotpoints born out of that to me. like, as the show starts to get a lot more thematically dense later on it can seem like a weird shift. some ppl say it got pretentious over time bc its not as goofy (its still pretty goofy lol), but i think it worked... like... perfectly.
because its a coming of age story where the main character actually ages, it actually feels so right that the world around him begins to seem different too. it makes sense that when he was 12 we were doing stupid goofy adventures, when he was 15 we were watching him deal with a lot of really fucked up trauma, and when he was 17 we watched him learn to grow as a person who thinks beyond simple terms of good and evil.
i know im tottaaallly rambling at this point but theres really an insane amount to talk about with adventure time. the timeline alone is ridiculous. but mostly i think my passion comes down to the fact that i was also growing up with the story, always around the same age as the mc going through similar stuff... even now, the story is focusing on a depressed 20-something trying to find whimsy in her life again. and technically the last episode timeline-wise is about accepting death lol
so like idk how exactly id recommend it to a new viewer, its really possible that a lot of ppl wont be able to really tolerate the early seasons as adults (i mean, i think theyre charming, but i have nostalgia goggles lol). that being said i think that its a series totally worth a shot for everyone... eventually. if it sounds interesting you just gotta accept the goofiness at first and trust that youre in for something wild in a totally different way later on. and totally unique and cool and special in a way nothing else has really been able to capture for me since.
TL;DR: no yeah the show was incredibly fucked up and that swan did eat that other swan. but it does have themes and also lesbians.
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hi I'm anon who loved your au mike! whoopsie my memory must be bad i thought they were like 21 (maybe I mixed it up as 19-21 not 16-19) and because in the movies they're adults going in so i assumed lol! and im 17 anyway so i forgot as anon that could seem weird. byler being attractive or in love physically isn't weird though i think it's healthy to just say it's not what you like, as a teen it's nice to figure out what i like and be comfortable navigating it not grossed out. but not to worry as the artist it's fair not to want that and not what I meant for this au with what I said anyway! he's just a good looking silly guy 😎 like that little doodle of will sizzling on the floor on my last ask shows his love for sure LOL so so cute. their love language being touch is also very sweet and comes across in your art and suits the au, it's a nice thought! thnks for this au!
hello again!!
no worries, things happen 😭 they are in fact 16 when the story starts and by the time it ends three years passed (it’s 2.5 I did the math wrong) due to Mike’s extensive training period and the time between their confession and Mike transferring his consciousness to his avatar permanently. Together it’s 3 years but broken down his training took 18 months, the time from the end of training to tsaheylu was a year, and another month or two between that and the end of the story with a few days or weeks sprinkled in between in certain areas I can’t remember but. yeah 3 years? 2.5? Something like that.
With how they’re aged, they’re both essentially 16 1/2 which is why they’re 19, cause after the year and a half of struggle before their confession they both had turned 18 at that point and then the year after that blah blah blah you get the point. anyways.
I myself am 16 (birthday was a little under a week ago writing this) !!! I don’t think it’s weird that they’re attractive or love each other physically (I’ve said on insta a few times how they’re pretty or handsome etc etc), however it’s still not in the sexual sense. I probably took something and interpreted it wrong or something idk, I’m a very anxious person especially when it comes to the gayliens cause of all the aspects mashed together with how they don’t wear a lot and are 18 by the time they confess to one another. theres a lot of people in the byler fandom that are a bit.. wacky.. I guess I could say. so. yeah ❤️
and yeah as the creator of the AU and more than 75% of the artwork from it (as well as still being a minor) I don’t want anything weird coming from it or any people that are gonna take stuff from it and run, if you get what I mean by that. like not trying to see basic information I’ve come up with because I’ve shoved so much lore and story and detail into it. For the love of god I give their accessories and songcord beads meaning. Literally nobody cares about that but I DO!! I CARE!! I care about the little details!
and back to love language !! them having that love language of touch is going to end up stemming from having at least some attraction to each other physically. its a small detail but anxiety still makes me worry about it sometimes, especially in some parts of the storyline like tsaheylu. But even before then, in their confession, after they tell each other, it’s an intimate moment between them. they kiss, they hold each other close. Mike literally ends up on the ground at one point from pulling Will so close (doodles below). They finally both got what they want, each other. it’s still evident then. but even as the story continues and gets to the point of tsaheylu it’s more noticeable? I guess?
There’s literally a reference to the original scene in Avatar (tree of voices scene w/ Jake and Neytiri) that of course, inspired me to make the AU in the first place. However, they’re only small aspects from the scene that I pulled from it instead of it being exactly the same. we all know what happens there. besides them bonding. cough. yeah no that’s not canon in this AU thank god. but anyways, they bond and sigh contentedly and have this moment together. it’s a new experience and probably weird for both of them because they aren’t bonding with an Ikran or direhorse this time, it’s each other now (also I know my avatar lore and how bonding is technically erotic and done during mating but no. not today). They bond, kiss a few times before Mike picks up Will like Jake does to Neytiri, and after a bit they go to bed. literally nothing else (another unfinished visual below).
they’re silly guys and I’m glad people enjoy the AU as much as I do!! instances like this allow me to infodump about stuff and honestly I’m here for it. I just hope no one comes into my asks and says something really weird. I don’t want those weird ass “spicy bylers” on my page. but other than that i love when people ask stuff about the au, it makes me happy!! :) im welcome to explain more stuff for fun or if you’re interested cause it gives me more opportunities to rant haha
#byler#byler au#byler avatar au#byler fanart#avatar au#stranger things#stranger things au#mike wheeler#will byers#meowzart315#cw partial nudity
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MARCH 2024 MEDIA DIARY 2
I ran out of embed space on the first post i had slotted in for this!!! So i'm making two posts!!!!!!! They belong together!!!! Okay!!!!!!!
PIZZA TOWER
< this game is soggy goop >
Even though I cleared a good portion of this game nigh a year ago now, i still feel compelled to put it on my media diary now, as i've only just got around to finishing the game properly! I believe the point i dropped off the game before was at Pig City, which, i think , is kinda understandable given how big that level is, but, was probably a real bummer for the whole of my friend group who were super into the game when it was new and i probably missed out on talking about it alot with them... POOP!!!!
just because this game is popular enough to actually warrant talking about it with my friends later, instead of saying stuff like how i enjoyed the silly cartoony art stlye and the games general charm, im just going to post a level tier list i made the second i beat the game at like near midnight kinda hazy-minded without thinking on it too hard without thinking too deeply in a way thatll be completely inflamitory bc im mostly satisfied with the experience i had and dont really feel the urge to P rank anything --
The stats are saying my total hours round up to 6 hours 50 and pepinno is pointing at me Aughh
My , , Errr, " CRITISISM " of this game is that the funny pizza man is a little, erm, STICKY? Kinda gross. a little weird. Partially my fault. I'm sowwy.
I'm not very good at this game but i absolutely respect everyone's opinion on it . Go watch my friend @shoppncart's speedrun, by the way, it's cool :
youtube
Speedy!
THE MARIO MOVIE
< the bario boooby geheheheheheheh >
this is probably a tired opinion but since i was subjected to this movie for the fifth time in a voice call my take is thaat this is probably more enjoyablel then the safeass illumination film. like. yea. that films probably objectively better but. id rather watch something thats an actual adaptation. like this movie. where basically nothing mario happens outside names . Aw.
i honestly think this movie has intrigue to it genuinely
maybe im saying this bc its one of the movies ive actually watched repeatedly before, like roger rabbit, but i think the history behind this movie and the old anamocity turned-endearment are what make it worth watching. that and its a little goopy
You Guys Wanna See Some MM2 Proggys?
not a new piece of media technically but ive been playing a fuckton of MM2 recently still as of the end of the month and its absolutely dominating my time as of late, and i kinda wanna show off a small amount of the progress ive made on it, as much as the world map, at least --
It's a media diary. it exists to document MY gaming life. Deal.
anyway in regards to it i'm almost finished with the world 4 castle, which is crazy, because before i hadn't even finished world 2, but now i got all of this creative energy in me... If i finish this soon enough, i'd be able to upload it on NSO, so keep your tumpler eyes peeled, mutrals :J
I personally like it because theres a theme of aescending on the world map. The space theme in this looks the best, i think..
THE ALCHEMY OF US - HOW HUMANS AND MATTER TRANSFORMED ONE ANOTHER
< what the fuck ????? a book ??????? >
yea thats right im reading books
this ones actually pretty good apparently a 2020 bestseller though im not in the habit of reading those often so i'll just have to take their word for it on that aspect. i think lifes all about trying new things so around halfway through the month i picked up this cool book i found at my library and got a library card. After reading through it all, i think anecdotally that this book is a very neat read. theres a few sentences that're a little offputting to my young mind but overall the book is filled with alot of cool insight i reccomend checking out if youre the boooky type of person! i think its very good and im glad i picked it out :) i donnu how many of these will be going onto my media diary in the future or anything , but maybe i will if i end up reading more! I'll have to make it up to a friendd for waiting till now to put up something i read here first before that thing she likes. oops.
Volp.
OUTSIDE of the traditional media format again, also, are things i largely started on this month but don't think i'll be making all too much more progress in, or if i'm unsure i'll finish what i was doing all in one month-
CASTLEVANIA THE ADVENTURE- REBIRTH
POINT OF DROP OFF - STAGE 4 END BOSS
REASON BEING - UMMM SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED AND DIED TOO MUCH
castlevania rebirth is a really really cool game. its really cool and im not typing this as fresh as everything else because it was something i picked up for one big sitting earlier in the month. i probably couldve finished it at any point during the week, but simply was too distracted and wanted to do other stuff. It's very cool though, i love the vector sprite art, and there ARE silly stock sound effects everywhere, which is always a big positive for me . I mostly just like how snug the wii classic controller is , and this is a cool game to play it with considering its one of the only non virtual console or old game collection style games available for wii in this exact style ( Not counting the good handful of games that choose to use the wiimote on its side instead. )
over all ill probably sit down and finish this someday soon i just gotta like find time for it whenever next my wii u is plugged in ( it fights for an hdmi slot with my switch and ps4 all the time...! ), and ill probably end up trying to play punch out wii at the same time, given one doesnt dominate my attention over the other. From my understanding they're both short, though, so it shouldnt be too big a deal or obstacle no matter how long i put this off.
RANDOM TERRARIA PLAYTHROUGH
terraria playthru 1million
ii just really want to see the new terraria update
Waaaah...
i stopped having fun because i self imposed myself to not use setbonus armor sets at the part of the game where that stops being acceptable anymore so im stopping i think
i did get to make another terraria pet though
that makes me happy
POINT OF DROP OFF - the mechanical bosses
also the most recent thing is
i got too tense and needed to excuse myself after like an hour 30 i cant take too much tension in movies i was really uncomfortable and had to leave to take a breather bc the main character gets put in a really really shitty situation and it was getting hard to watch for my autistic ass
thats enough i think thanks for coming see you next month lol
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more terrible no good headcanons for eddie disaster dreamboat munson
I said that if anybody made him too cool I'd have to add more and that's exactly what I'm gonna do babes because I had to scroll for way to long to find him making spagetti-os
(posting again bc it wasn't showing in the tag)
(first post)
-genuinely doesn't know what those stains are. Didn't even know it was stained bc he's had the same fitted sheet on it with one corner tugged off for 8 months and forgot about them since last time
-throws away Tupperware if the stuff in it is too gross
-he's pretty sure that green sour candy counts as a vegetable so he does eat at least 3 a day.
-just. Doesn't ever throw things away. Stupid shit like the backs of band aids and paper straw wrappers and napkins and hooooo boy this has turned into a callout post about myself
-sometimes horseflies fly into his hair and get stuck and he can hear them buzzing around and doesn't necessarily so anything about it right away until it stops
-no room for legs in the front seat of his car that space is reserved for old fast food bags
-buys new underwear instead of doing laundry
-hey why do I keep writing genuinely embarrassing things that I literally do irl. Is this really worth putting myself and the 4 huge bags of laundry I have in my tiny car and all my band aid wrappers on blast. Next I'm gonna write that every surface in eddies house is covered in stacks of hobbies and papers that feel like a goddamn archeological dig every time I clean
-psych he does that too
- ok things that I don't also do so that I don't start having a crisis that makes me a tidier person:
-feeds a family of raccoons that live in an abandoned hunting cabin in the woods
-one time he let one live in his closet for a bit and hoped Wayne wouldn't notice (this may explain some of the stains)
-this boy spills. Everything. He's a hand talker and it doesn't matter if he's holding something.
-the hand talking is also terrifying when in a car he is driving
-never drinks water ever and it stresses ppl out
-every single time he sees somebody he knows in public he will try and sneak up on them to scare them
-wears shoes inside bc he broke glass on the carpet months ago and he doesn't want to vacuum.
-the only place he has to actually sit and do anything I his room is his bed because everything else is covered in stuff
-everything is covered in stuff but every drawer he has is empty
-theres one category of things he owns that is organized absolutely meticulously and idk what it is but he's very proud of it and when he says he's "cleaning his room" it means organizing like band tees alphabetically or sorting minifig painting supplies and everything else stays trashed
-it's a perm and he did it himself in his bathroom 100%
-hair dye stains all over the bathroom from an ill advised look a while back. and maybe a few more times
-doesnt have a compulsive habit to bite his nails he does it bc he can never find the damn fingernail clippers
-notes and doodles. All over his arms
- yknow how when u were in school by the last day you'd have like one pencil and nothing else and u kept a hold of it bc you couldn't find any others?
- eddies been at that point since about half way thru his first senior year. He has one pencil and it is a stub (it is a d.a.r.e. pencil and he does find it funny) with no eraser and it's not sharp and it had a million bite marks on it
-has little stoner burn holes in all his clothes all his sheets his matress his sheets and the seats on his car bc he needs to be more careful and is gonna end up starting a fire someday
-wait that last one was a me thing
-maybe this is how I can embrace my flaws. make eddie do em too. it's cute when he's disgusting
-I no longer have improve myself at all
-puts random food in his pockets for later even though it will get linty. Gonna go ahead and say that I don't do this.
-isn't actually that good at guitar it turns out
-I gotta stop myself now because I know they'll just keep comin but add any you can think of or dm me because every time he gets worse he gets more of my love so like 2 give him a hug reblog 2 spray him with a hose
#eddie munson x reader#stranger things#stranger things x reader#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things fic#my writing#eddie munson#eddie munson x oc#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie tag
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so sorry to keep venting and being upset about this but im just so scared.
TW - this is just overall pretty rough, vomit mention, mention of blood
ive been so anxious this week that i keep throwing up which has not been helping with how gross i feel cause of that other person and what they did to me. its gotten to the point where i spent over an hour scrubbing my hands over and over and they started bleeding at one point and thats how i realized i had been just standing washing my hands for an hour because of how gross i felt. and on top of that theres this coworker i have who has been treating me so bad but i need this job and i have to pretend i dont mind her constantly saying im dumb and its taking a toll.
i dont know if i can take all of this, i just feel so bad all the time and i now never feel safe. i spent so much time working on getting over that feeling and all the progress is gone after 2 days. i feel like i cant do anything and it just seems like all i do is bother and upset everyone. im just stupid and ruin everything. and now im here probably making a bunch of people uncomfortable and upset because thats all i do, sorry pumpkin, im sorry im always bugging you and being upset. ill try harder to be happy and not bug you.
sorry again, you don't need to respond to this if its too much of a bother or just overall too much. i dont want to upset you, please let me know if you dont want me to talk about this kinda stuff or if you are upset with me. im not trying to be annoying or upsetting and will stop as soon as you ask.
sorry -🧵
─•~❉᯽❉~•─
hihi lil bug’ 🌼
love, i'm seriously getting worried now.
i know that you don't want to lose your six years of work, but if this is the reaction you'll have to experience for a year then it's not worth it. can you not describe what's happening to a teacher? or get your parents/guardian to go in for you and talk on your behalf, maybe they'll listen more to an angry adult- because this is not healthy my love.
maybe consider talking to the doctors too? maybe try and get some help- possibly a therapist? i know it helped me a lot when it came to dicussing and processing horrible and traumatic things that happened to me. they can help push you in heathlier ways of dealing and processing your emotions, instead of resulting to self harm.
with your coworker- can't you talk to your boss? or even take it further than your boss and dicuss it with HR? bullying isn't allowed in workforces- they are really strict with that & things will be done and put in place. the nasty co-worker could even get fired <3.
i know you don't want to burden people, but you need to speak up about what's going on love. i know it's scary but this is really starting to take a toll on you & i'm worried. please talk to someone about what's going on- so they can help you <3.
we are all here supporting you, i promise <3.
big big big big big hugs from me & i hope things can turn around for you soon <3.
-🍰
#askpumpkin#🧵pumpkinasks#sfw age regression#safe agere#sfw agere#agere community#age regression#sfw little blog#sfw little post#sfw little community#agere blog#agere little
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Yooo, I really wanna read steel ball run for gyro, hot pants, and diego, but i have heard about that weird shit with lucy a long while back that I have been putting off reading part 7 for the longest wild. Like it sounds like it happens more than once and there's like what, 4 adult characters that lust for her? I get if it's to showcase people as bad people, but if the story keeps putting her in these suggestive situations, that's concerning. And like I feel it's going to be hard to ignore as isn't she the only teen girl character in the story? But idk, like I really wanna read it because I keep hearing say it's one of the best jojo parts by many, even my sis who got me into jojo says it's her fav.
yeah no its like, this will come with a slight spoiler warning
first off, yes theres at LEAST 4 adults that make active attempts to go after her romantically or sexually and a 5th one who is married to her but 'doesnt touch her' even tho theres scenes of them holding each other, calling each other pet names and even a panel where they kiss?? and its jusT?? eugh
and one of the 4 who are interested in her, its not even seen as a bad thing by the narrative as far as i can tell. his whole thing is he's in love with her but isnt making an active move because shes married and she doesnt want him so he steps back and just leaves her be but its 100% in love with her.
and when the story gets to a certain point where Lucy takes a much more active part of the story from like the kansas city chapters to the infiltration arc is when the last guy i just talked about confesses being in love with her, and a buncha other characters kinda end up pushing her into dangerous situations and treating her like an adult who should take care of herself.
then from the infiltration arc on shes in a LOT of chapters and nearly ever scene with her is horrific from characters again trying to act like shes an adult and should have to be put into these dangerous situations or other characters trying to sexually assault and rape her, more than one character mind you and this occurs many times until the very last chapters of the story. the scenes are GRAPHIC and stressful and have panels of Lucy nearly all the way naked and some panels with full of nudity on her top half with her breast out, all during the points where someone is attempting to catch and rape her as she tries to hide.
she also goes through a magic virgin mary type pregnancy and is pregnant for awhile through magical means only but still fucking weird and gross.
i think in terms of the rest of the story, characters like johnny, gyro, hp and diego are GREAT
theres lots of great fights, stand users and abilities, some fun areas they travel through, and interesting stuff!
but imo the plot and story kinda falls flat at the very end of SBR, and the shit with lucy is SO SO horrible its hard to say its worth reading for the good characters. SBR has a pretty strongish start, with fun characters with neat set ups, but like i said halfway through when they get Lucy involved it gets MESSY.
honestly if you REALLY want to read sbr, and these are things that are going to cause you distress, I high suggest getting told chapters with Lucy to avoid, at the very least the very graphic ones, and getting filled in on the plot through another source and just reading the rest. I will even go out of my way to provide that myself if needed.
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one really fun thing about having a mom and a dad like mine is that i literally cant enjoy anything if it isnt neccessary and i have to keep reminding myself that it doesnt have to be useful or a neccessity to be ok to have and that just because i CAN go without something for a while doesnt mean i should have to
like. okay maybe i CAN go the whole day without eating, or i CAN go the whole day with only one meal. but i dont HAVE to and im not lazy and fat for getting dinner even if i "havent done" anything that day. i dont have to do a million chores that day just to be justified in eating.
i dont need to be completely out of pants or tshirts or socks or underwear or whatever to justify wanting a couple extra pairs of socks so i dont run out so quick, or simply not enjoying some of my clothes cus theyre uncomfortable to wear. i shouldnt have to justify that, it is what it is and i shouldnt have to feel like i NEED someone to tell me its ok for me to buy extra socks or more tshirts or whatever. and they dont HAVE to be uncomfortable or pretty. they can just be comfortable and i can just enjoy wearing them.
similarly i shouldnt have to justify having fucking needs and emotions. i simply hate living in my house, thats just somethign that is, and it makes sense, i shouldnt need to literally beg people to justify it for me cus i dont feel that what im saying is good enough. i shouldnt have to feel embarrassed and like i have to overexplain why i hate the house and why its miserable living in there. yes it "technically" has a kitchen that works and a bathroom that works and ive got a bedroom and livingroom and washingmachine, so it "should tcehnically" be fine but it isnt.
its fucking old, theres a piece of the wall where the insides are missing, cold air is leaking in in more than one place, the bathroom fucking sucks and the kitchen is gross, its lonely, the backyard is a mess, the garage is literally too dangerous to be inside due to shit engineering and a big fucking cement block in the roof, and its gonna cost me more to fic all of it than i can ever afford, plus its in the middle of fucking nowhere and i have to take the train to get to the nearest city just to buy groceries and i cant go in the summer at all.
i shouldnt have to indirectly beg people to validate me when i try to justify why i dont like living there. just because mom and dad doesnt fucking care when i say i hate it there
i shouldnt have to justify or explain why something upsets me eitehr, it upsets me and that should be it. i should be allowed to be upset. i should be allowed to say i dont want to be treated a certain way and immediately being yelled at and told im not that special and i should get off my high horse and have literally every tiny thing ive ever done be thrown in my face to justify why i dont deserve to be treated nicely.
also similarly, i should be allowed to just. like things. just because i like them. instead of trying to force myself to like stuff i feel like i "should" like or i want to want to like. instead of thinking "i dont need that" because thats what my shit mom keeps telling me any time i even look at something nice. i cant even point at a nice dress and say "i like the pattern" without hearing my little sister or brother parrot it back to me cus they learned it from mom.
also, just because i CAN go a whole day without eating and be fine, just like i did involuntarily due to shitty parenting, doesnt mean i should have to. i can just eat when im hungry instead of continuously telling myself at 10 am that dinners at 3 and i can wait. generally after 4 hours i can eat a second meal of the day, its fine, i dont need to be literally starving to be able to eat something. i dont need to justify not showering with "ill shower tomorrow morning cus work or whatever" no shut up i want a shower now and i need a shower now and its the only thing i can think of so lets shower now. its fine. literally doesnt hurt to shower just because i want to. doesnt hurt to eat just cus im hungry or i want to. its fine if i wanna do laundry even if its late in the day and its fine if i wanna skip an activity cus im tired or sad.
idk why exactly im like this but i feel like my mom and dad constantly belittling me or brushing me off or just straight up ignoring me and not bothering to do their job as a parent cus "i should just do it myself" and "well why didnt you just eat a sandwich for dinner" and "well why didnt you just do this differently" for every little thing plus me not being allowed to want attention or need anything cus i "already have" something else or im "nagging" them might have something to do with it
"why didnt you just do this" well for starters i was scared to cut my own nails until i was like 11 or 12 or something cus i thought mom or dad was gonna scream at me at the top of their lungs and curse me out for doing something wrong. i wasnt allowed to do SHIT and i was never told when those limitations and rules didnt count anymore. there was no "youre old enough to cut your own nails just be careful" for literally anything. there was just screaming because i wasnt allowed to do something OR there was "you have to do this now" literally overnight with NO prior warning or explanation. i had to start going to school and waking up on my own overnight cus dad just told me the day before school after summer vacation that i had to.
like. my brother way 6, i was 9 and id never done any of it alone, i wasnt even allowed to cut bread on my own, and if we didnt manage to do it on our own we had to call him and get screamed and cursed at for the whole ride to school cus he was "going to get fired" and "going to jail" and we were "helpless" and shit. like okay thanks for that, YOU raised me to be scared of doing literally anything on my own and never taught me anything, he literally treated me like i just knew everything he knew. wtf was i supposed to do.
anyways shoutout to my parents for making me scared of fuckign liking or wanting stuff. or even trying stuff. i see people who willingly buy shit just because they wanted it and not because they needed it just for fun and it drives me up the fucking wall. other people can just. buy stuff. and they dont need to justify it, they can just want it. meanwhile i have the most deranged way or approaching how to decide if i want to buy something or not and its so fucking unhealthy and i dont know why i do it, i just do and its part of why i hate shopping with other people, i like the peace of just quietly shopping on my own and working on it, instead of trying to get second opinions from people or feeling like i Have To Buy Something cus thats how quality time w my grandparents and cousin was like when i was a kid
aunt uncle and cousin visit grandparents for the weekend, dad and us come along to visit and hang out, we spend a large amount of the time either shopping for new clothes or toys or candy, quality time w family then quickly becomes Shopping Is Love, dad doesnt give a shit about me but will buy me a soda after ive been talking to my therapist at 13, now giving people stuff and money is how youre supposed to show people you care. fucking deranged
in other words, i am not a bad person for struggling, im also not a shitty awful person for not being good at money, and im not a bad person for wanting to sell the majority of my furniture and other shit so ill have less to worry about and ill have less shit i dont use or want or need. im not a bad person for wanting to have some order in my life.
but yeah im also not a bad person for wanting stuff or wanting to actually enjoy my sorroundings and how life works for me and so on
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as much as i love commentary videos (i can watch those and video essays non stop for hours), theres a genuine sickness in my stomach when theyre reacting to someone whos being sexist or misogynistic.
ramble below the line, but please check out the ending part.
idk what makes me feel this way, the borderline ridiculous stuff that comes out of their mouth or the fact someone can be so stupid that they say this in todays day and age. and i get that for how modern it is some people still agree with these stupid comments and speeches but there will always be at least a handful of people who agree with whatever.
and yes i do feel this way with any type of discrimination, but it sickens me when i hear about how badly some women, as myself, hate being one. its unfair. sure itll always be that way and "life isnt fair" but still, its just crazy. if youre someone who sees a woman whos complaining about hating being a woman (not because they dont feel comfy in their own body ((or want to be a different gender)), but because they hate how theyre being treated. ), and for some reason thinks theyre being ridiculous, please dont interact with me lmao.
its sad how i feel afraid to walk alone at night or be in a car alone. or go on dates, or talk about this to anyone, or go swimming , or go out in general. nobody, i mean nobody, should have to feel afraid to be out in the world, because thats wrong. especially with todays messed up beauty standards. im not exactly skinny, but at least im trying to change myself. it hurts alot when someone points something you hate about yourself and acts like you dont know. its sad how no matter how pretty or skinny you are youll never be good enough. i hate it. people arent perfect. nobody is. nobody ever will be because thats how humans are.
i have had encounters with sexists. just as any person would. and when someone makes fun of you or mocks you with the reason youre a woman, it doesnt make you feel smart, and its not easy to not let them get to you. genders, races, and sexualities will never be equal to the public. women will always be under men. gay people will always be hated. non white people will always be treated and seen differently. and in my eyes, everyones equal and always will be but me or you will never be able to change someones mind.
and ngl, i used to say i hated men as a joke, but i dont think its much of a joke anymore. younger me would call me weird for hating being a woman but im so glad i wasnt exposed to how gross the world could be sometimes.
this is a rant, but also a reminder. if you are sexist, misogynistic, racist, transphobic, or just a bigot get off of my blog.
im not the best a wording things so, if you think that i see anyone thats not white or gay differently, i promise you youre wrong. im not racist, homophobic, or any of that. this is just much better than me crying to myself about how much i hate humans sometimes.
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also, if youre like me, and think nobodys there for you, or talking about your problems wont help, it will. i had a small talk with a friend and even though it was only a few texts and sentences, i really felt touched. i only talked about my family problems very vaguely. it was a stupid video. 'if you had one wish, what would it be?" i answered something like i wish i could change the way my family sees me and his one word response of "why?" made me so emotional.
friends and friends. people you talk to on a regular basis and people you know want to talk with you are friends, even if you dont think so.
my DM's are always open. even if this only reaches a few or onyl a few see it, you can always dm me on this acc or my other. hell i might not even know your name but just know that i care about you so deeply. i would never want someone as amazing as you to feel down or angry.
so please, if you think that talking about your problems wont help, try it before you say that. it can change decisions you make in the future that youll regret. again, my dm's are open always if youre struggling. i care.
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April 21 2023, Friday - 1:10pm
It’s been quite a while since I’ve gotten the chance to write on this again. A lot of shit has happened, actually.
I got super sick. Like, super fucking sick. Pretty sure it was COVID as I was completely bed-ridden for 4 days, my head and ears full of pressure and my throat hurting so bad I could barely breathe. Not only that, but everytime I did breathe, I made a weird gurgling kind of sound and it was absolutely disgusting.
I got a job. Finally. But I’m working at Tim Hortons. Gross. I’ve learned how they make some of my favourite drinks, foul. Yet I’ll still continue to drink them almost every damn day.
Practiced driving a lot more as my driving test for G2 is coming up next Tuesday. Was doing great until my instructor told me that they think I’ll be fine on the test, immediately ran a stop sign and turned the opposite way that I had my signal on for. Nice.
Discovered the side of me that could be considered a slut. But now I understand the reason why so many women turn to it, it’s so exciting and quite frankly entertaining. Theres this stupid website, some kind of thing for pen pals, idfk, but the amount of disgusting men on there is outstanding. I made an account and within 10 minutes, I had 17 messages from 17 different men (yes, men, all over the age of 25) telling me how beautiful I am and the things they’d love to do to my “young, teen body”. Fucking disgusting. But, I reply anyways. I’m addicted to the attention they give me and how little effort I have to put in to getting it. All I have to do is respond with short, sweet, and flirty answers and they’re all over me. I love it.
Met someone on the website who I think is my twin flame. He’s only a few months younger than me, lowkey cringe, but we are so alike. But, now that we’ve been texting back and fourth for a good 5 days now, I’ve definitely been humbled. In short, let’s just say we used this app called RAVE to watch a movie without being in the same place. He chose the movie. He chose Fight Club. Need I say more?
I’m writing this on the last day of my co-op, thank the lord. I kind of feel bad for hating it, but I told the teacher I was an assistant for that I enjoyed it even though almost every day I sat at the back table cutting out laminated cards or instructions to a game I never knew existed. It was dreadful, but I managed.
I killed a bug today, a big brown shiny one that made a crunching noise when I stepped on it. Felt really bad afterwards. Don’t really know why, I’ve never cared before.
Oh, and back to the guy I mentioned in 5, his name is Atlas by the way, he’s so smart yet so fucking douchy about it. Not in a bad way though, I honestly enjoy being told by him. But at one point, we had this super long typical conversation about the meaning of life and what happens after death. He’s fully convinced that there is no God, there is no Heaven or Hell. There’s just nothing after death. And he’s okay with it too, but I’m not sure I am. I think that might be why I felt bad for killing the bug. All it was trying to do was hide under some shelf but I purposely went out of my way to end it’s life in a split second, leaving it in the emptiness of the afterlife forever on. Atlas also told me that he killed someone, or may have at least. Apparently he was drunk some time ago and was approched by an even more drunk old man who tried to come onto him, rape him I guess, and he beat him to the point he has no clue if the man survived. He also told me he’d be willing to eat human flesh. I don’t know why, but I’m not afraid of him like anyone else would be after hearing this stuff from him. I actually find it rather comforting that he trusts me enough to tell me things like that after not even knowing me for a week yet. He says he’s really glad we met, but I think if we ever met in real life, it would be catastrophic.
Also, yesterday I skipped co-op just to sleep. Woke up at 7:30, decided I didn’t want to go, and then went back to bed only to wake up at 2pm without waking once. I think If I had the choice, I’d stay in bed forever. Now I understand My Year of Rest and Relaxation.
So thats what my life has been like recently. Fucking hell if you ask me. But on top of everything thats going on, I’ve been thinking a lot about what my future is going to look like. If I want to get anywhere in this world without living a life of depression, I need to marry rich. In this world, you don’t get anywhere without aqquiring a job in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) and I fucking hate all four of those things. All I want to do is write. I want to write stories that someone will read once and remember for the rest of their lives. I want to be a movie director so I can bring those books to life and create a masterpiece out of each one. But you don’t get anywhere like that without money and as of right now, I have $2.09 in my bank account. Savings and all. And by the looks of it, I’ll either be marrying someone extremely fucked up and insane like Atlas, or some rich old perverted white guy who will be willing to give me anything if I strip down. And in all honesty, I don’t mind either. As long as I’m getting the attention I deserve and the time to spend on writing, I couldn’t give a shit who I spend it with.
Also, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be capable of loving someone. I remember this one time before we broke off completely, Kyra and I decided to take a break from our friendship as I didn’t feel I was getting anything out of it compared to what I was putting into the friendship. My stepdad, Paul, decided to tell me during that break that he was convinced Kyra and I were in some kind of secret relationship because of how often we’d spend time together, but we were only so close because we only had each other for years. During that conversation, he went on to tell me that no matter how long we spend a part, we would always find our way back to being friends because even if we didn’t want to admit it, we loved each other. This was after I made it clear that I’m straight, by the way, so this so called love was more just in a family way because it was the only other option. But that wasn’t the case. Her and I never had any love for each other, only depdenance and a sort of guilt that if we didn’t hang out with each other, we’d be a bad person. A bad friend. I realized that after she started hanging out with me only to use my weed and get my mother to buy her pods. Another reason I don’t think I could ever love someone is because I have no commitment skills. If I ever somehow get in a relationship with a guy, I can almost guarantee that I’ll be tired of them before the 1 year mark, if I even make it that far. It’s kind of funny it worked out that way though seeing I have serious abandonment issues. If I get abandoned, I’ll never recover from it, but if I abandon someone else, they’ll likely never cross my mind again unless it’s because I’m internally insulting them. This is why I know I’m not a good person. I’m selfish. I don’t care about how my actions affect others, but if someone were to hurt me, I’d find a way to make them pay for it.
Another thing that’s been on my mind lately is what kind of illness I have. I don’t want to be diagnosed because as much as it can be nice to know how to treat whatever I have, then I’ll know for sure that theres something wrong with me that can never truly be fixed. Also, then I’ll know that I’m nothing more than a younger version of my parents, the mixture of those two being the worst possible outcome of a child there can be. I’d rather just go on forever thinking that whatevers wrong with me could just be in my head, whether that sounds better or not. But I know theres something wrong with me, and Atlas knows too. He and I were talking about the issues we had since he’s not a stranger with mental health issues either. He’s an insomniac (or so he says, I honestly think he may just be adapting the personality of that guy from Fight Club after he was so eager to show me), and he clearly has some kind of personality disorder. Likely DID he says, and he thinks thats what I have too. He says that those occurances I’ve had where I’ve done awful things without having a reason, such as attempting to run away, could be the result of untreated DID. In all honesty, even if I haven’t spoken to him for very long, it’s kind of obvious he does have DID. Sometimes when I’m messaging him, I notice a split in his personality that he thinks is normal. We’ll both be talking about really personal things, things I often mention in here, and he’ll randomly tell me to stop talking about it so he doesn’t start spiralling or doesn’t want to come off as someone who doesn’t care about my problems. Regardless, he’s not shy when it comes to telling me to shut up. Frankly, I’m not sure if that’s really DID or him being flat out about not caring what I have to say. It’s odd though, because other times he tells me how glad he is that we met and that we’re able to chat and gets a little impatient when I don’t answer him right away either, which is why I do believe he has DID. But again, he could just be a shitty person. I’m not sure what I’d rather him be.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this yet, but I think I also might have some kind of schizo illness. I say schizo illness and not schizophrenia because schizophrenics aren’t often aware of themselves having it, but I do have a lot of the symptoms and I’m fully aware of it. I’m constantly seeing people or figures or animals, my cats in particular, in random places wherever I am. Sometimes just out of the corner of my eye, other times they’ll be right in front of me until I look at them. It only freaks me out when they’re moving, though. It’s always super quick and right towards me, it’s fucking chilling. Also, when it’s too quiet, I hear things talking to me. Men, women, children, old people. I always hear it, but it’s not common for me to understand what they’re saying. A lot of the time, it’s jumbled or sounds like they’re under water almost. Sometimes I hear whistling too. It’s weird. I also get extreme paranoia. Everyone always has that one emotion their driven by whether it’s happiness, sadness, anger, blah blah blah. But what drives me most of the time is fear. Anxiety. It’s so bad that sometimes when I’m in my room by myself for too long, I start thinking that whatever screen is in front of me such as my phone or tv will randomly get hacked into and jumpscare me with horrific images and loud noises. When has that ever happened? Never. What are the chances of it happening? Likely slim to nothing. Yet I think about it almost daily and when I do, I have to leave the room and stare at a wall or I’ll have a panic attack. Similarly, I get extra paranoid at night and find it really hard to leave my room after a certain time. I’m afraid that once the lights are out, something will be lurking in the dark ready for whenever I dare to step foot out. I never know what this thing will do to me, but I don’t want to find out which is why sometimes I’ll go to bed with a full bladder or a full face of make up on. I can’t even go to the bathroom without freaking out about something that’s not even there. I’ve convinced myself that wherever I go, specifically my home and bathroom, a camera or thousands of cameras are watching me. I don’t know whos watching me, but whoever is is judging me and making fun of me so I have to be perfect all the time. I’m constantly worrying about what I’m doing, what I said, what I look like because of it. I think theres someone secretly living in my basement. My trapped door basement. When I’m home alone, I hear people walking around downstairs and moving things around. Sometimes, I’ll lose things for months and then it’ll randomly appear in the most obvious place I would’ve found only seconds after I’d realized it was lost. Someones fucking with me. Sometimes I think that I have the ability to ‘regenerate’ or ‘heal’ faster than others. Yes I get sick, but I’m convinced that I can fight off any kind of illness or injury much faster than others. I can do it without medications, unlike everyone else. Yet I constantly worry about getting cancer or some unfixable illness. It doesn’t add up. Now that I’m writing all this, I realized how pathetic it all sounds, but it’s the truth. I live like this everyday and I don’t tell a single person. I keep it all in. Not because I’m afraid of what they may say or think of me or what the outcome may be, I simply can’t bring myself to say it. I don’t know why, but I just can’t. No matter how close I get to saying it, I always switch the topic or lie about what I really feel, even to my therapist. I think she knows I’m lying too because almost every appointment she asks “Are you telling me everything or is there something else I should know about? I’m only asking because it’s easy for anyone to put on a mask and fake things.” But I know she knows. And I feel bad for lying about it. It’s not that I don’t trust her or think she’s a bad therapist or anything like that, I think she’s a great person for me to talk to. I honestly just can’t talk about it. Not only that, but it’s just so much easier to force a smile and tell her that I’m fine.
I know that if I ever do admit it, I’ll cry and I hate crying. I don’t even remember the last time I had a good hard cry, I almost feel as if I don’t deserve the tears. That, and the things I could cry about don’t deserve the tears. It’s pointless. I also hate the way I look after I cry. My eyes get all swollen and gross looking and don’t return to normal for a good day or two. Why would I foil my appearance on things that don’t matter. Things I’ll forget within a month or even sooner.
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rant under the cut abt like. books i guess?
the weirdest thing abt andrea long chu’s article abt ottessa moshfegh and how ppl reacted to it is that like. alc didnt rlly like.. say anything that wasnt already known. like ppl knew that moshfegh put racism and fatphobia and other bigoted or “gross” themes into her work, theres literally no way u could have claimed to read her books w/o noticing that. this isn’t to say that that shouldn’t be criticized—i def think some of it should be, to an extent—but plenty of ppl had already been criticizing moshfegh for this before acl’s article, but the majority of ppl just didnt care at all bc at that point moshfegh was still popular and on social media she was the “super unhinged aesthetic girlboss woman writer” or whatever. it was only when a somewhat popular person said “man this stuff is Weird right guys” that ppl suddenly did a complete 180 and decided that they hated moshfegh bc she was Problematic Now I Guess. like, just a day ago the same ppl were talking abt how much they loved her bc she wrote abt “unhinged women” (a term im glad to see is finally dying out somewhat) and right after the alc article they acted like they were just. completely and totally blind to everything that was criticized, as if it wasnt literally in their faces the entire time, and now they’re totally dumping moshfeghs books bc the general consensus now is that shes Bad.
again i do think there are some aspects of moshfegh’s writing and some things shes said that should be criticized, im not saying shes like innocent or anything, im just saying its weird how ppl’s opinions seemed to flip on a dime overnight. it feels like no one even rlly had like. a real opinion of their own. they liked moshfegh bc ppl were pushing that “unhinged woman” persona onto her and everyone just loved that, but when one popular person is like “erm.. shes kinda problematic and talks abt shit a lot for some reason” ppl are so quick to hate her bc thats how they Should feel. i dont know i feel like a broken record but its just so weird to me. maybe im being biased bc i personally find alc and some of her opinions really weird & annoying, and i do enjoy ottessa moshfegh’s writing (though i also have my own complicated feelings abt it), but like. it still strikes me as unfair. i also found it a bit confusing how alc talked abt moshfegh’s fatphobia in her books but not abt the racism or the ableism, which were also two really big criticisms of her at the time. i dont have any particular horse in that race so i wont say more but like. if ur gonna write an entire article at least mention those two, like id say theyre pretty major
i also dont like the mindset that writing abt taboo or gross things like moshfegh does is inherently bad. now i Know that this wasnt the point alc was trying to make at all, but i feel like its something that ppl on booktok and booktwt or whatever seem to believe sometimes. sometimes ppl just write abt pathetic, bigoted, awful people and use “dirty” ways to describe things, moshfegh certainly isnt the first and she definitely wont be the last. again, i have my own criticisms of her and im not saying that she shouldn’t have been criticized for anything alc mentioned, bc i feel like that did need to be acknowledged a bit, but moshfegh’s unflinching approach to awful ppl and disgusting subjects and her swift and direct writing style is what drew me to her so much. alc wasnt rlly criticizing moshfegh for writing like this, in fact she was actually pretty complimentary abt it, but this was the sentiment that i saw a lot of “booktok” ppl having when they talked abt the article
i probably wont talk much abt alc anymore but like. abt her in general, its a shame bc i do think shes a Good Writer on an objective level. she knows how to word things eloquently and in interesting ways and how to structure her points and just how to Write Well. but i also just think shes annoying and her opinions on gender and transition just dont rub me the right way. i would go looking for those tweets she made and some paragraphs from her book “females”, but im lazy and im not gonna put in extra effort for this post that is basically just a stream of consciousness rant. but it feels like her whole philosophy around transness revolves soley around her personal experiences and how much she hates being trans. she calls another trans woman “a dumb blonde” in her book for acting feminine “in the way she should”, then goes onto say that someone’s personal identity and feelings abt their gender is “on its own, worthless” and that gender is something that “other people have to decide for you”, which is the only reason why ppl transition. she also made a tweet saying how, for political reasons, people replaced the term “real” women with “cis” women, and it wasnt said in a way that was criticizing that, it was said in a “well, this is just the way it is guys, nothing wrong with it, just face the truth” sort of way. there are a bunch of other things i found weird but honestly i formed my opinions abt her a long time ago so i cant remember it all, and again i cant be fucked to find anything right now. maybe if someone asks i’ll link to a couple articles criticizing her work
ANYWAY, back to books and how ppl treat stories abt anything disturbing or upsetting like theyre inherently bad. i think at some point i’m gonna read things have gotten worse since we last spoke. ive heard a lot of bad things abt it but unsurprisingly most of it was from booktok ppl who just. Didnt like that this horror book had horror in it, and that the horror was gross and disturbed them. i guess i cant fault them bc it probably just wasnt the sort of book theyre used to reading or like, which is fine, but dont make it seem like it’s a bug and not a feature. if it disturbed u then. like. it sort of succeeded? thats the point, its horror, it was advertised as gross and disturbing. its a shame bc from what ive heard abt it it seems like the exact kind of book id love, and the concept is so interesting to me. i guess i should hold my tongue before i read it but i feel like it gets a lot of undeserved hatred
#okok thats my rant#sorry that this was so long or if some of it didnt make any sense or wasnt worded well. i didnt rlly think much while writing this i just#-needed to dump my feelings abt this topic somewhere#txt
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*slidesin* sup i was not in the original convo about x reader's but i wanted to say something on them! excuse me if im intruding.
when i was a kid, and unsupervised on the internet, those fics helped me work through some of my own stuff going on at the time. the internet was my teacher, which has pros and many many cons. and as cringy and weird as "x readers were genuinely helpful" can sound, theres truth to it. and its of course okay to find it strange and have a weird stance on them. i think theres a limit on how strange is strange and borderline creepy, and what strange is actually just someone trying to discover themselves or simply have fun! i don't read x readers anymore because they don't serve the same purpose as they used for me, and i feel less enjoyment in comparison to other things i read and write. but i feel for every person who relate to those fics because i recognize what they're feeling. i respect that you believe everyone can do whatever they feel is comfortable despite how your stance is, and wanted to also say that while the whole x reader topic in general feels off - it also serves as a tool for some to figure out, albeit in somewhat and completely embarrassing ways, what's going on with themselves - and plus some people who write x readers are weird ass people. but anything and anyone can be generalized, and point is, i respect that you don't seem to do that. thank you if you took the time to read this, i hope you have a lovely rest of your 2022!
Aw cheers for taking the time to write that out Anon <3 ^^
You raise some pretty good points! While I myself never read reader inserts or found an interest in them, I'm sure there's tons of people out there that find a comfort in those styles of writing :] If I seemed like I was calling people out for reading those works, I'm really sorry cause that wasn't my intention at all!! It's an interesting style of writing that affects people differently, whether its not your taste or not, it's another form of creative expression.
Yes, some weird people cross a LOT of boundaries and do things with that kind of writing that is honestly gross, but the ones that don't are simply creating the scenarios cause it's a hobby and they enjoy making up self inserts. Media of all kinds are both a form of escapism and entertainment, and by putting yourself in that universe you're simply providing your own content of a franchise you enjoy. And if people read those and find them enjoyable then that's awesome! All forms of writing is unique and finding your audience is important to help your creativity blossom/strengthen. Plus if the reader uses it as a way to help with self discovery then that's amazing too, we figure ourselves out using all types of different sources/media
Thanks again for popping in to say this anon, appreciate the input <3
I hope you have a wonderful rest of 2022 and a great 2023 :D
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u know what i put it in the tags of that post cause im a gentile and didnt think my addition would be wanted on the actual post, but fuck it here:
yall aren’t being woke with your “religion is all backwards and stupid and oppressive, unlike me, an enlightened person.”
like. a) you do realize that entire attitude is a white colonial attitude used to justify manifest destiny? that Christianity is The One True belief and all else is savage and stupid, and we must educate the poor dumb natives with their backwards ideas? you arent being rebellious by turning that idea towards abrahamic faiths, cause you arent even targeting christianity specifically, you’re just attacking the same people the christian church likes to attack.
which brings us to b) the idea that all religion is probably basically the same, by which you mean christianity, is ALSO a shitty christian-centric idea, and i cant believe i have to explain that. saying “all religions are oppressive and homophobic,” or even “all religions that draw from the torah in some form are oppressive and homophobic,” is such a cold fucking take like jfc take a religious studies course or like, talk to a jewish person or muslim once.
i know taking colonial and/or conservative attitudes and putting them in a new hat is sort of tumblrs specialty, but yall really need to think about this shit before you just repeat it.
#im begging you to just sit and consider where your ideas come from#here's a hint: if what you're saying is something your conservative aunt would agree with on some level#you probably need to think about it some more#oh uh#racism ///#racism tw //#i was trying to make a point but theres some pretty gross stuff in there
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Star Trektrospective :Star Trek V The Fianl Frontier
.....So Star Trek V is considered by some the worst film in the franchise.I dunno if I would go that far....But its a mess
Plot:Kirk(William Shatner) is on a mission to save ambassadors of the Federation(David Warner),Klingons (Charles Cooper) and Romulans (Cynthia Gouw) from a cult leader named Sybock (Laurance Luckinbill ),who is a Vulcan who is embraces emotion instead of logic and is searching for the legendery Sh Ka Ree which maybe the home of God(George Murdock )
So I am going to spoil this movie.....Not that it matters,this movie is basically filler
Look this movie is a mess.I dont think it is awful ,I like aspects.....but the movie is just fundamentally broken
As my good friend @ariel-seagull-wings has pointed out the film has various threads that could make their own movie:Kidnapped ambassadors ,Spock reunited with his brother who has embraced emotion , someone taking over the enterprise,a rengade Klingon chasing the heroes and oh yeah ,the SEARCH FOR GOD .....But they are just crammed into this one film and it doesnt work
The biggest issue is the main idea of the film,the Search for God .Now I think that is a brillaint concept for a sci fi movie ,going across the cosmos to touch the hand of the Devine .....Shame that the movie squanders it for three reasons
1.Too ambitious concept ,limited means:So at the finale of the movie we land on Sha Ka Ree and meet God who turns out not to be God but an evil entity .That is all great story stuff and that leads to some great potential for a climax :have the God entity shift reality , change into various forms like a great beast,and since he is an entity the heres would have to either escape him,trap him or find some other clever way to beat this thing.Heck the original concepts were pretty cool,Sha Ka Ree being a alien jungle paradise ,and God having an army of devils and angel like creatures ......Unfortunately budget got in the way:Sha Ka Ree is just a desert with a purple filter , and the army got dialed down to 6 rock monsters....Which was dialed down to one rock monster....Which was dialed down to nothing .The God entity is also very lame in the finished film,just a big glowy Gandalf looking dude who shoots lightning .The climax where his head is chasing Kirk going "ooooooo" is more funny then scary and he's just blown up by Klingons ....Like thats all it took to kill this thing ?
2.Shatner gets surface level but misses the potential:Again this is a movie about potentially meeting God....But there no discussion of religion ,spirituality or the charters personal faiths.We dont get why Sybock is all about meeting God other then "Hey wouldnt it be cool to meet the Almighty ? " .The film is directed by Shatner ,and I get the feeling the topic means a lot to him, similar to how Leonard Nimoys environmentalism was a driving force for Star Trek IV ,but while Nimoys message was clear, Shatners is murky ,I dont know what he is trying to say with this film.....Well other then mocking televangelists and false prophets apparently ...But even thats muddy cause while Sybock is presented as a villain....He really isnt at all ,really feels like any villainous acts he does are plot driven not character driven
3.The toooooone.....Good lord the tone: So I think of a movie about the search for God,I imagine a sweeping epic.....Paramount looked at this and thought "Hey lets make it a comedy !!!"Yup this movie is all about the gags and its ......Jarring .And if they were funny jokes I wouldnt mind but they are...Not.Scotty is hitting his head ,Bones is talking about beans,Chekov and Sulu are lost in the woods,The Enterprise is a mess,burping Klingons ,its....not funny.Also theres just odd scenes like Kirk fighting a cat girl and Uhuras naked fan dance which just confuses me because I cant see Kirk asking Uhura to do that (Also to anyone who is like "Eww people in their 50's are gross".....Grow the fuck up )
The effects arent great ,and I feel bad saying that .The effects house was inexperienced and they only had three months.However I have seen other productions do a lot with less
I sadly dont have a lot to say about the supporting cast,which is a shame cause David Warner is an amazing actor and he does NOTHING in this movie ,and that goes for the other ambassadors too.Todd Bryant and Spice Williams-Crosby play generic evil Klingons ,I honestly forget they are in the movie .Not even the Enterprise crew is that good cause Chekov,Sulu and Uhura are jut under Sybocks control (Kind of ) for a lot of the movie .Scotty has a few good moments.....Oh yeah ,also he and Uhra have a romance in this film,and Its OK ,I kind of forget its in the movie.Also while I dont like the God entity.....I think George Murdock plays it very well transitioning from wise and holy to a sadistic malevolent being
Spock is mixed in this one,we are supposed to believe his loyalties are split which....I dont buy.I wish him being reunited with his brother was a bigger deal .However he gets a great scene near the end
I really dont like Kirk in this film.Shatners performance is fine but the writing .....He is always right ,unshakeable ,one man against many and blah.The main concept of the film,I just dont buy,with Kirks crew turning against him and rightfully Leonard Nimoy and DeForest Kelley called him out on that .This is honestly another big problem I have with the film:In Leonard Nimoys films I get that he understood everyones strengths....I dont get that with Shatner
So yeah I have bitched about this movie.....Now to get what I really love about it .I think Sybock is a great character,though not as developed as he should be .I like that he is misguded byut not evil ,an emotional Vulcan is a great idea and Laurence Luckinbill delivers a truly great performance ,very gregarious and a bit naïve.I think Luckinbill is so great he is worth watching the movie and I really but he truly loves Spock as a brother
The other great performance in this film goes to DeForest Kelley in weirdly possibly his best performance as Bones .All the humor with him works (My favorite being him calling everyone to dinner when everyone is already there ) and he gets one hell of a dramatic scene,where he relives euthanizing his father.This is Kelleys movie
I like a few individual scenes.I love the camping scene where Kirk ,Spock and McCoy are talking about life (And I am in the minority.....But I love them singing Row Row Row Your Boat ),I think the ending is very nice,I like Sybock showing the main trio their pain and Kirk rejecting it ,and I like the initial encounter with the God entity where Sybock and McCoy are in awe of him......Only to find out he is a fake and a sadistic bastard with the best line in the movie:What Does God Need With a Starship ?
My favorite scene however is a small one:The three embassodors see Sha Ka Ree,and each call it their cultures name for Paradise.Its a simple moving moment that I really like
Over all its bad ,ts definately a mess....A mess with genuinely solid moments,and its such a mess I have to reccomend it cause it is so crazy it is a bit of fun to watch
@ariel-seagull-wings @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @amalthea9
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BTS SOULMATES WORST HABIT/ QUALITY
Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes and only my interpretation of the cards. Do not take it as fact~
Anon, I love this very much!! Thank you for requesting it!
Seokjin
I got: 7 of wands rev., Take a fucking trip ( Go see some shit. Do some new things. Talk to people cooler than you.), Stop obsessing ( You are not the centre of the fucking universe)
So. This person tends to get overwhelmed easily and can be a bit of a workaholic at times.
This is someone who gets so so so focused their failures and faults and stuff that they kinda become blinded by that
I pulled a clarity and got 9 of swords.
This really is someone who spirals in anxiety when things aren't going well and likely snaps at the people around them.
Its absolutely unintended but when they get overwhelmed they kinda detatch from the world and they can only see as far as their nose.
Likely gets so in their head that they forget things about other people and it can come off as being very self-centered, cold, bitchy ect.
Yoongi
Lol
A lot of cards came out.
We have: 2 of cups, Drop the fucking ego. (Vulnerability is hot as fuck.), Ask a fucking expert. (Don't rely on your friends or the Internet. Listen to a damn professional.), Stop fucking whining. (No one wants to listen to that shit. Complaining makes you weak. You have the strength to change your world-so do it.), You need a good fucking cry. (Get the ugly cry on. Let that shit go. Your soul will thank you.)
They tend to romanticize life to the point that they think that something will come and change their life for them
But that isn't how shit works
They have mad issues with getting vulnerable and admitting that they are struggling or that they aren't happy where they are.
Emotionally constipated lol
Definitely has a hard time letting other people in bc of trust issues
They don't really outwardly emote often so it all builds up.
They think that independence means you can't look for guidance and thats bad
Very much ignoring the work they have to do to get to where they want to be but still pretending like they are getting closer to it
Ugh
They have a lot of shit to work out in the emotions department
They also seem to just have a general lack of grounding.
Hoseok
Oki
I got: 10 of swords rev., the tower, Stop talking. (Shut your mouth and listen.) Winning. (You got a good thing going. Don't ruin that shit.)
This is someone who can't keep their foot out their fucking mouth.
Dear god.
Its all good intentions but they say way more than they need too and it can ruin things for them.
They also can be too open.
They also resist change too much.
They fear self change.
They couldn't give a shit about external change but breaking old habits and old patterns is something they just don't like to do
So as a result they don't ever challenge their views internally.
This can leave them with a shaky foundation (putting off that tower moment) of old views and outdated information.
This can make them pretty damn judgmental at times.
They just need to let the tower moment happen and reasses all of their beliefs to figure out what they truly stand for and who they are, not just what has been forced in them (societal, parental. Even friends)
Also likely gullible
EMBRACE INNER CHANGE
Jesus, you're gonna give me a fuckin migraine
Its frustrating because THEY KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO
I feel bad for your guides, hobi's soulmate.
JUST DO IT
Namjoon
...
I got: Hanged man rev., 2 of swords, What the hell are you waiting for? Get that shit done. (If you were waiting for a sign-well, here it ucking is.), Don't believe every shitty thought you have. (Thoughts can be lying, sneaky bastards)
This is a procrastinator.
They tend to avoid things when they are faced with things that are unpleasant or even really good.
They are frustratingly doing nothing.
Big big big avoider.
STOP DOING THAT
Doesn't really want to do better.
They are content where they are for the simple reason that they don't want to experience discomfort by actively going after what they truly want in life
THIS DOESNT HELP ANYONE
They are also VERY passive when they are procrastinating
Jimin
Bring it.
We have: The magician, You are loved. (You are here for a reason. Don't fuck it up.), Have you eaten? (Your acting like a big ass baby. You need food in your belly. Either fucking taco.)
Well okay then.
I think this ties into jimins soulmate reading so I won't go too indepth about that part. You can read his soulmate reading here (x)
BUT
The thing that makes this their worst quality/ worst habit is because they have every tool and all of the want to help their situation but just don't?
And specifically another thing is that no matter how much someone tells this person that they love them, that they are important and that they matter, this person DOESN'T BELIEVE IT. The actively try to convince themselves otherwise.
Actively
On purpose
Because they don't know what else is a personality trait.
Again go read jimins soulmate read.
It's not that anyone blames them for this or anything but they actively reject help at times and get pissy about their situation.
You know what you need to do to fix your shit. Do it. Don't use it as your fucking personality.
You are more than that.
Dear god.
Theres a lot to say here.
Whatever situation it is, they are so stubborn and determined to do shit on their own and they have every resource but they are scared to lose a defining trait.
Ugh
I have a lot I want to say about this but I'll leave it here.
Taehyung
Oki oki
10 of wands, 2 of cups, you're giving too many fucks. (Give zero) and figure shit out on your own.
So this is someone how tends to overwork themselves.
They don't really know when to quit? They seem to be very determined but to their own detriment at times.
They also tend to carry the burden in any social relationship. People tend to use them?
They go along with it because they have a lot to offer and a lot to give and don't always have the boundaries to keep people from taking advantage of them.
They honestly just give too many fucks.
They value human connection so much that they will let themselves be a fucking doormat.
They feel very isolated even though they aren't (when I do the second soulmate read I think I'll have some more about this then)
Jungkook
Oki
We have: the tower, 7 of swords, eat your fucking vegetables. (Eat some shit made by mother nature), dont talk to anyone. Don't look at anyone. (You need some fucking time alone. And you know why)
First thing. I heard, "The diet of a child" and then "gamer girl" umm.
I have 2 things.
1. They take bad care of themselves when they go through a rough patch and the trend sneak away from everything (probably lie to get out of whatever obligations or do some sneaky shit) and eat fucking lunchables and kids cuisine microwave dinners with energy drinks exclusively
2. They tend to be ridiculously picky irl. Or just can't cook for shit so they only eat coffee pot Ramen.
Pull yourself together.
Their worst habit is withdrawing from everything when things get rough.
They don't take care of themselves and they drink Monster energy drinks like a scene kid from 2010.
That's gross.
Pls stop
#bts#bts tarot#bts reactions#bts imagines#seokjin#jin#min yoongi#min suga#suga#yoongi#hoseok#bts jhope#namjoon#bts rm#rm#jimin#taehyung#jungkook#bts v#tarot
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I think I agree with you most people who are anti censorship are pretty chill and laid back.
Unfortunately the other day a fairly popular person in my fandom who had their ao3 suspended because, and I'm not lying here, an anon reported them or something for their ao3 tags saying that their fics about siblings should not be read as romantic. Like their ao3 is legit unusable for a month. I felt so awful that this one person decided to stir up drama like this. Theres always like one or two people who just. do not follow courtesy and it just creates this aggression between people who are anti censorship and others.
Also this whole sending people death threats and suicide baits is so terrifying. its so disturbing how casually people just say stuff like that. Like no ones behind the words behind the screen. Idk its messed up
damn, really? that seems like one of those issues that's automated, seems I know actual people deal with the tags on AO3. might be a delay, as there's so many of them, but it's not all run by bots or something. if it's a case of reader interpretation I'm sure this person could contact somebody about it. it doesn't seem against the rules? unless they were threatening or excessively insulting about it, in which case they might get caught under a harassment rule or something like that. (for example, if they tagged something like "if you read this as romantic you're a gross pro-incest apologist who's probably banging your cousins" or something; not saying that's what went down but just to use as an example... that would definitely be against the terms of service, lol.)
alternatively it was a decision made based on the fact this person was trying to dictate how people read their story, which... to be honest, as much as incest fic isn't my thing at all, I have to agree with. when you post your writing for others to read, you retain copyright over it (as in, your right to assert yourself as the creator of the piece) but you don't retain control over it. people are free to interpret it or read it however they like, and if you're not comfortable with that you have no business posting your work publicly. Death of the Author is a concept that we learn in basic high school English classes, and it's very much worth taking to heart. if you post something online, or publish a book, or put anything anywhere where it's consumed by people who aren't you, you no longer control how a person interprets it or what they take away from it. it can be frustrating, and I know from experience that it can sometimes be very, very uncomfortable (I won't go into specifics because I don't want to shame anyone, but some of my characters have been given traits or kinks that I am 100% not OK with, but hey! I knew the risk when I made them publicly available, so I'm just going to sit here and mind my business and not look at that shit.) but that's just how it works. if somebody posts something and then tries to shame, intimidate, or otherwise force people into reading their work the "right" way, I don't support that at all. clearly they're just not ready for their work to be out in public.
of course, this is just me going off about broader topics based on very little information, so forgive me if I'm way off the mark. my wider opinion still stands, though, and I definitely agree that there's a small minority on both sides that make it difficult for everyone. however, I will say that I consistently see more vitriol and threats from people who are pro-censorship than anti-censorship, and this is a pattern I've observed for almost 10 years now. there's something to be said for that, and I think ignoring it would be dishonest at this point.
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