#i want to stress that i'm not blaming any individual people for this. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

howtofightwrite · 6 months

Note

Was reading through your torture tag and noticed a lot of stuff that was being said seemed to contradict things that were said on the scripttorture blog... do you have any suggestions on how to clear things up? Im not sure which things to trust

And you're asking us, because they've posted once in the last two years?

I'll admit, I have a fairly low opinion of them, and that's not directly their fault. For years, one of their fans, would regularly send some pretty incendiary asks our way. In fact, some of the less hostile ones were answered, and may be the posts you were looking at. Understandably, the ones simply accusing us of being torture apologists, demanding we redirect all our asks to their blog, or insisted that we should sit down and shut up, did not make the cut. With that in mind, please understand, I'm not going to go digging through their blog to refresh my memory, so some of this might be slightly skewed by the aforementioned deranged fan.

Look for the blog that does not constantly contradict or misrepresent their authoritative sources. Which is to say, if you actually pay attention to Shane O'Mara's work, it's basically what we've been saying all along.

If you're unfamiliar, O'Mara is a Neurologist who was (last I time I checked) working at Trinity College Dublin. He published a, frankly fascinating piece, called, Why Torture Doesn't Work, in which, he set about trying to answer why torture is an ineffective tool for intelligence gathering. O'Mara also had the misfortune of being the only expert who said anything close to the perspective Scripttorture wanted on torture.

An open secret about torture is that it is completely worthless for getting accurate information. This has been widely understood for centuries, if not millennia. O'Mara's question was, “why?”

It turns out, that the neurochemical trauma associated with torture, seriously interferes with your ability to accurately access information. For example: If you're being tortured, you can't tell your torturer where you planted the ticking bomb, because your brain literally can't access those memories.

Torture is evil. Yeah. No shit.

And, this is where ScriptTorture stops. “Torture is bad,” and Jack Bauer is an incredibly unrealistic fantasy, end of story.

Except, this is not the end of this.

Now, generally speaking, I don't blame anyone who wants to get off the ride here. Torture is an unpleasant subject, and wanting to stop at, “oh, it's evil,” is entirely reasonable... unless you want to write on the subject, or if you do political analysis and need to understand why people break out the torture implements.

More than that, this is where my academic background in political science actually comes into play. I'm not saying this as an Eagle Scout who had a couple overly enthusiastic hand to hand instructors when I was a kid. This is (part of) what I studied in college, and I have kept an eye on it since then.

If torture didn't work, you wouldn't see state-sponsored torture pop up repeatedly throughout history. It would not be one of the favorite tools of dictators and despots. However, because it does, and it is, simply saying, “it doesn't work,” isn't instructive or meaningful because it's clearly untrue. Someone is finding value in this, so it becomes important to understand what they are doing, and why they are doing it.

When you torture someone, the information they provide is basically madlibs of whatever leaked through their brain. They want the pain and stress to stop, and they'll say anything they can to make that happen. That often takes the form of what they think their torturer wants to hear. O'Mara's research does explain why they don't simply cough up the truth.

So, why do it?

Torture is a very labor intensive process. You (as an individual) can't, realistically, torture multiple victims at a time, and it is a very drawn out process. Some elements can be automated, your torturer doesn't need to be present at every moment, but they're going to spend hours, if not days, working on one victim. Worse, this is actually a technical profession. It's not like you can just pull in anyone off the street and get the results you want. (Though, technically, this doesn't seem to be as true, however, amateurs do have a shocking capacity to screw up torture. So, the point remains valid.)

The value of torture has almost nothing to do with the victim. It's about the message it sends to everyone else.

Torture is about mass coercion of the population. When you are the state (meaning, the government), and you torture someone, you are telling your citizens that you are willing to do the same to them, if they oppose you.

State-sponsored torture is specifically a tool to suppress political engagement. It is, quite literally, state-sponsored, domestic terrorism.

This even holds true in cases where the state employs torture to extract confessions from criminal suspects. The message sent into the general population is that dissent of any kind will not be tolerated, and that the state has the willingness and power to turn these tools on you if you draw their ire.

I get that this is outside of ScriptTorture's area of expertise, and in fairness, I probably would not have studied this with any intensity, if I hadn't taken multiple classes on revolutionary theory.

Torture from private organizations (which is to say, organized crime, and religious institutions, though cults and some other groups might fit this description as well), follows roughly similar patterns. These tend to do the same things, discouraging dissent, and establishing the organization as having power over the population (or community.) (The technical term would be to “establish capacity.” Which is to say, the organization's capacity to enforce its will. The same term applies to states, though in those cases, the state's capacity is often overestimated by its population. It's only when it starts to falter, for example through military defeats or serious civil unrest, that they really need the capacity boosting part of this equation.)

Zealotry or stupidity can create situations where you have a torturer (or, more likely, someone in a position of power ordering the torture) who believes that it is effectively compelling the truth from the victim. This (or amateurs) can easily lead into a distinct problem, which is that all of this has diminishing returns. Torture one person, and you send a loud, clear message. Torture ten, and all you've added to it is that you're willing to keep going. However, as you start stacking up the victims, you do start sending a new message to your enemies, that being, you're going to get to them sooner or later so it's in their best interest to respond now, mobilize and retaliate proactively, before you get to them. This means that a state which leans heavily on torture can easily instigate the civil unrest that exposes their limited capacity leading to a political death spiral. Alternately, if the state does have the capacity to put down the resulting unrest, it further reinforces their position (which does happen with depressing frequency in the real world.)

You're also going to create new enemies in the friends, family, and loved ones, of the people you tortured. This means that any organization that relies on extensive use of torture will, eventually, start tying a noose around its own neck. (Granted, there are a lot of social dynamics that I'm skimming over here, so it's not exactly as simple as “if the state tortures lots of people, it will result in increasing unrest.”)

If you want a partial citation for the above, you can (ironically) find it in a podcast interview with Shane O'Mara, when he explained why torture has been employed repeatedly through history. (Specifically I think it was episode 15 of Your Welcome, by Michael Malice. Though, I'm not 100% sure off hand.) Though that doesn't cover some of the more in depth elements I just discussed. Some of this is coming from a textbook on revolutionary theory I can't locate (it disappeared in a move a few years back.) Though that was more interested in the general structure of a state destabilizing into internecine conflict. Ironically, my preferred citation on torture, Fear up Harsh by Tony Lagouranis is mostly uninformative in this case, because his experiences were on the ground, rather than from a structural understanding of what his job was really doing. However, he does illustrate my comment about amateurs making even more of a mess, both through personal experiences with a few, and also through the eventual trajectory of the invasion and occupation of Iraq.

But of course, torture is evil... again, no shit. Was that really a question? And, I'm apparently a torture apologist for having a structural understanding of why evil people do evil things. Cool. Evil people don't do evil things because they're evil, they do them because they gain some tangible benefit from those acts, and they do not care about the consequences to anyone else. If you ask someone, “why do people do this?” and their answer is, “it's simple; they're evil,” that person is lying. They may be lying to themselves, but they are lying to you.

Why do people use torture? It's a lot more complicated, and unpleasant, than you'd expect at a simple overview.

-Starke

This blog is supported through Patreon. Patrons get access to new posts three days early, and direct access to us through Discord. If you’re already a Patron, thank you. If you’d like to support us, please consider becoming a Patron.

#writing reference #writing advice #writing tips #starke answers #torture

463 notes · View notes

genevawren38 · 19 days

Text

I have a few things to say about Quackity's stream and the QSMP as a whole.

If you haven't watched the stream, please do so here, I refuse to paraphrase and believe it should be watched in its entirety to form your own opinions. [Here is the YouTube link]

First of all; I don't think any of the actions Quackity took were deliberately malicious. I believe, in my opinion, he got swept up in the excitement and hype surrounding this new project, and we all know how easily that can happen. It's so easy to ignore the small things when you are being showered in positivity.

I think the project got far bigger than he thought which opens up everything to a lot of criticism.

But he does not deserve to feel unsafe, nor is it any sort of appropriate to send him death threats under any circumstances. Nor to anyone, that is a line we should not cross.

Please, for the love of everything, remember this is one of the biggest projects he has ever attempted. Balancing management, his real life, and his public figure status must be incredibly stressful, and you can only do that for so long until things start to go unnoticed. Someone spread so thin is bound to crack, and unfortunately, I think that's what happened with the administration. He's an incredibly busy guy, and to expect him to be so hands-on with the project while keeping up with the rest of his life and future prospects is an inhumane task to keep up with.

Yes, I absolutely agree that healthy amounts of criticism are necessary in something as groundbreaking as this. But under no circumstances *ever* does that become something you can threaten another's safety over.

I also agree he should have said something and apologized to the previous admins who were brave enough to share their story. But I also can agree with the fact this might have been better done privately, at least as much as possible, because the moment you get the public involved someone malicious is going to rip their words apart to use in whatever fashion they wish.

But it's hard to be truly objective and honest when every word you ever say online could be misconstrued and twisted to suit another's fancy.

I think that's where most of the issue lies, at least to me. There are systems in place when handled in a law environment to protect those affected. The moment anything goes public, it's free game for someone to use as they wish.

I think in certain situations, getting the public involved in the good fight is a sound decision, for a group of people are louder than one individual. But it can also grow wildly out of control if not handled properly, and for a delicate situation like this, I think it's only drawn the whole situation out to a painful amount.

I dislike the fact that a lot of my passion has disappeared for the server because this server is full of people whose content I enjoyed previously and some I've only now discovered.

But, I still do believe it's possible for us to hold hope. I have to hold onto that because if there truly is a way for this to turn around it can serve as an example it's possible to recover and put your best foot forward.

I think there's been mistakes all around, blown wildly out of proportion, but I do still want to give this place a chance.

Because what an example it could become if solutions can be found that helps all the parties and the fandom affected by this all.

That's all. Again, this is just my opinion, and I want to discuss it if people want to talk about it reasonably.

Please form your own thoughts after watching the stream, and try to keep an open mind. I understand this might drive a lot of people away, but I believe in the heart of what QSMP is.

This server and community are meant to unite people from across the world. Let's give it a chance to continue to do so, eh?

Edit for some clarification ;

I do not blame the admins for doing what they had to. I'm proud of the brave actions they took facing such a massive community head-on.

I just wish it all could have gone down differently, but we can't change the past, only hope for a better future.

[Here is a transcript of the stream from Twitter, please watch the stream as a priority though]

Edit 2: adding this too

#qsmp #wrenrambles #qsmp situation #quackity studios #quackity smp #again go watch the stream first #form your own opinions #you can critisize but its much better received in a reasonable tone #qsmp discourse #qsmp discussion #qsmp admins #qsmp admins situation

121 notes · View notes

syscourser-against-misinfo · 3 months

Text

Here is the first article I'm posting. The first sentence itself states "DID is a chronic post-traumatic disorder where developmentally stressful events in childhood, including abuse, emotional neglect, disturbed attachment, and boundary violations are central and typical etiological factors." This quote itself already states trauma as a necessary factor for the development of DID.

Further down in the article, it says "Given the current evidence, DID as a diagnostic entity cannot be explained as a phenomenon created by iatrogenic influences, suggestibility, malingering, or social role-taking. On the contrary, DID is an empirically robust chronic psychiatric disorder based on neurobiological, cognitive, and interpersonal non-integration as a response to unbearable stress." This, in basic English, means that, although DID has not been extensively researched, evidence points to the fact that trauma is necessary to developing the disorder.

Moving on from that, it is stated in the article that "Studies conducted in various countries led to a consensus about prevalences of DID: 5% among psychiatric inpatients, 2–3% among outpatients, and 1% in the general population." I have heard a lot of people on systok say that system spaces must be filled with people with real DID because 1% of the population is a lot of people. I am not saying that 1% is not a lot of people, but we must consider the demographics of the people in system spaces and systok. The large majority of those people are teenagers, AFAB, and, of course, on Tiktok. This does not mean that I'm blaming AFAB people, or stereotyping anyone, I am simply stating facts. The massive concentration of "DID cases" in that specific demographic does not make any sense from a psychiatric point of view. There was no "big bang" of abuse cases, only the major romanticization of DID in media during the pandemic.

I'd like to point out this specific part of the article, "Yet, when all these systems come together to underpin and maintain a person’s identity, and dissociation occurs at this (identity/personality) level, it creates dissociative identities. Here, separate organized systems of functioning, with their own unique perspective on the world and who they are, appear to co-exist within the individual. Each of these identities has their own first-person perspective or experience of self-consciousness. Consequently, each of these identities reports their own subjective experiences and memories, their own sense of agency and will, and their own perspective on who they are. They often report being unaware of other identities or report amnesia for experiences that presumably occurred when other identities were engaging in executive actions." This mentions the commonly held belief of "alters are their own separate people." Yes, they have their own wants, needs, etc. but no they are not separate people. Not only is that just false, due to the basic facts regarding DID (the theory of structural dissociation, which I will cover in a different post), it is also very harmful to recovery. Believing alters are their own people instead of parts of one person reinforces the extremely harmful dissociative barriers between parts. This is reinforced in the article, "While the dynamics are similar, DID has discrete identities with their own first-person perspective (multiple “I” selves) and breaks in consciousness between these identities, which do not occur in PTSD."

The article also touches on people's false belief of having DID, as mentioned here: "The so-called sociocognitive model of DID (e.g., Lynn et al) went beyond recognizing the influence of sociocognitive factors on the development and phenomenology of DID. This model suggested that media reports, a high level of social knowledge about DID, influential and suggestive therapists, as well as patients’ own suggestibility, cognitive distortions and fantasy proneness all led patients to believe (wrongly) that they had dissociative identities. This view of DID markedly contrasts with the post-traumatic model of DID (outlined earlier), which proposes that dissociative identities are the primary results of early trauma and the relational, cognitive, emotional, and neurobiological consequences of it (along with other related factors as outlined in this paper) rather than primarily the result of social and cognitive forces. Moreover, the presence of sociocognitive forces does not provide any proof for iatrogenesis." This basically states that the romanticization of DID in media, and the widespread misinformation, as well as misinformed clinicians and therapists can cause people to mistakenly believe they have DID.

The rest of the article is actually very interesting, and I do recommend reading the article as a whole (warning: it is a long article, and very sciency).

#syscourse #syscussion #did system #osdd system #traumagenic system #system stuff #plural system #did osdd #misinformation

43 notes · View notes

caseylicious · 2 years

Note

I saw your requests were open! unless it was an old post but what if you had rise boys x gn!reader when they individually find Y/N singing? Could be in the shower, cooking food, washing dishes, or just relaxing! (Or all of them :3). Bonus if Y/N didn't know they were there is gets flustered. Good songs? There's Nothing Holding Me Back, and Symphony are really good ones. Have a good one, mate 😙

Songbird.

Summary: The brothers come visit the reader. How do they react finding them sing?

Characters: Leo, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie.

Reader: GENDER NEUTRAL

Relationship: Romantic (Not specified in the request.)

Warnings: None!

Words: 3642

A/N: While my requests were close, I just opened them! I love requests that let me use songs for others to hear. It supports artists that people may have never heard of! And yes, I was imagining myself doing all of these silly actions for this.

So thank you for requesting for me.

As always! Please, Enjoy 💐

[ If you have any constructive criticism or corrections for any of my English do let me know! :) ]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

It was the weekend and you had no school. And with no school, meant no work for that one class you despised. Which was a perfect opportunity just for you and your boyfriend to hang out at your place. You rolled on top of your bed, beginning to type. A smile creeping onto your face due to the excitement.

A few weeks ago, you were given so much work that you genuinely couldn't come up with an estimated date of completion. So you told your boyfriend dates and hang outs would have to cut short due to you not wanting to fail your classes. And he didn't blame you. He had to hang out and help his family with events you had no clue about. With that information you haven't been able to visit nor see your boyfriend for a long while. So with this opportunity finally opening? You just had to take it.

<( Hey! Want to come over today? :) I'm free )

A couple seconds passed, that's strange. Usually he would respond immediately, but you remembered that he could be busy. He was a turtle which somehow always got into trouble. You frowned kicking your feet, up and down. With some consideration of whether you sending another text or not, you chose to text him again.

<( My place is free if you want to come over, doors' open < 3 )

Not knowing if he was coming over or not, you chose that doing some chores would keep you busy. It's better than desperately waiting for one text. With the phone turned off, you went to start all of your chores. Not realizing you had turned off your notifications. Which meant you had no clue your boyfriend sent a text back.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💙 Leo

Bound - The Ponderosa Twin Plus One

He groaned, laying on his bed. He hasn't been on one mission nor adventure in a week and it was getting boring without you. Though it was a new change for him. Usually you would meet twice a week or more. So being in the lair in silence was something he had to get used too. He just wanted to tackle you down in a hug, and tell you all about his past adventures. He specifically wanted to tell you on how he witnessed a triple betrayal.

But he remembered how you complained on the amount of work you were given. You seemed so stressed out that he just wanted to "beat up" the education system. However you told him that you'd need space in order for you to complete all of it. And Leo wanting to be the best boyfriend, he agreed. He also had some work to take care of. That he originally assumed would only take up a few weeks, but it did not.

It only took a couple days, and he did all he did to occupy himself. Things such as trying to balance himself on skateboards, competing with his younger brother on stealing from Donnie, and actually training. Which would come in use in just a moment.

Leo heard a notification on his phone, assuming it was Donnie texting him for him to fetch him something. However it wasn't, it was something way better than that. It was a text from you. Finally! After all this time he couldn't keep to himself any longer. He began to type quickly causing some spelling errors. Which was then auto-corrected.

( You're finally done with all that work? Finally! I'll be there in a sec. )>

Placing his phone aside, he quickly grabbed his weapons which were stored on a table. Do not ask me why or how they were on the table, they just were. Now remember when he actually trained his mystic weapon? This was the time of truth of whether or not it actually worked. So as he held his ōdachis he quickly swirled them in the air, before finally slashing the space in front of him. The moment of truth...

His eyes were shut as he stepped through the portal. Opening one eye to confirm his location, he was surprised to see he was right in front of your door. This was another thing for him to brag to you about. Grabbing out his phone to check your messages, he saw that the door was already open. So like the non-creepy boyfriend he is. Leo opened the door.

"Y/N! I'm here!" He grinned calling for you, however received no response. Confused, he stepped inside your home, closing the door behind him. "Y/N? Where are you hiding?" He was again received no answer. Before he chose to call your name again... he heard humming. Was that your voice?

He walked towards the sound, where he then also heard a radio. And there you were. Standing in front of the sink, with you swaying from left to right.

You sang loudly, "Boundd.... BOUNDDD.... Bound to fall in love."

Has he really heard you sing before? No, he hasn't. He kept quiet watching you imagine yourself in a vintage music video. You picked up the spoon which was covered in soap up to your mouth, which made him smirk. "You started with- a mere helloooo...." Your eyes were shut as you dipped down with the spoon. Imagining you were dipping your boyfriend down to the floor. "Then you learned her NAMEEEEE...."

The soapy spoon was brought to your chest, "You notice her.. finer qualities..." You stood up reaching your hand out in front of you, as if you were granting your "magic" to your lover. "And the magic OF HER RARE PERSONALIT-!!" And as you were about to complete the verse, you saw a horrific sight. Your boyfriend was here. As in here inside of your apartment. A couple seconds of silence passing, you realize he watched all of that. "I- i-" Your face quickly became a bright red.

"Soo.. that's the music you listen to?" Leo smirked; his arms crossed. As he leaned against the counter, he stared at you... "..What?" You brows furrowed together, gripping onto the soapy spoon. "Y- You! You weren't supposed to- I- You should've texted me!!"

He quickly became confused, "But I did?" Not wanting to believe that, you ran to your phone. Turning it on... to find out your notifications were off. You had a face of disappointment and disbelief. "A- ah.."

Leo slowly slithered to you, hugging you from behind. "I can help you do those chores if that'll distract you~" You groaned, visibly blushing. "Ughh... please." He smiled, kissing you on the cheek. Leo leaned onto you nuzzling into your neck for a couple seconds...

"You're a good singer y'know-"

"Leo. don't-"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

❤️ Raph

Never Ever Getting Rid of Me - Kimiko Glenn

Being the oldest of his brothers, he had to make sure all his brothers were ready for everything. It was on his top priorities! But what was also on his Top priorities was you. He loved spending time with you, because it let him relax. However, due to unfortunate news, your schedule was filled. So he couldn't really see you. He didn't want to distract you from your work!

One, because he may get scolded by his younger brother for not letting you focus on yourself. And he understood that. Space was important in a relationship, take that from me. It's not realistic that he'd somehow always be around you. Your plans for the future were just different, but you both made sure to make it somehow work.

Which was why your relationship just worked. It was a slow and bumpy start, since you both were first-timers to a relationship. But after a few weeks in on your romantic relationship; everything just clicked. So with a kiss on his cheek from you, he left you alone.

While he waited, Raph trained with each of his brothers one-on-one, just to show them the meaning of brotherhood. There were some other times in which he watched shows, ate pizza, mastered his mystic weapon... but that seemed pretty much it.

He never understood why you had to do school work, you were with him! Your sweet boyfriend. Though he has to remember that people don't know about his existence except for you and April.

April would come around to remind him that you loved him, and you weren't just ghosting him to get away from him. Which relieved him from the fear of being left alone.

He however, still had no clue when you'd be done. The option of asking when you would be done with all your work was slowly becoming more practical than just waiting. Until finally, after what felt like months of silence... He heard a phone notification. Raph frantically ran to the small electronic device. Grabbing it into his hands, he brought it close to his face to read the messages. A huge grin appeared on his face as he began to type.

( Oh sure, I'll meet you there sweetheart 🥰 )>

He placed away his phone somewhere on his body. Making his way up the ladder to the surface. Pushing the cover to the side, he lifted himself up. It was a perfect time for him to see you since the sun was setting and there was nobody to be seen in either direction. So off the large turtle went. Towards the direction of your residence.

Raph was excited to spend a day with you again. He was probably so excited that his heart could just burst. Luckily he recognized your house number, it was still strange how nobody was outside... But we'll ignore that. Actually remembering you left the door open for him, he wanted to be a respectful man. He gently knocked. "Y/N? It's Raph." No response.

A bit confused, he pushed the door forwards gently. He bent a little to walk through the small door. Although he bent over, he still somehow bumped his head on something. He hissed a little to the sudden pain. Closing the door behind him facing the floor. Until he heard your voice. Lifting his head up to face you... he saw you doing the most shocking thing...

There you were, sweeping the floors with a broom. Doing a little dance in place; You hummed to the beat with optimism. And then you opened your mouth, "Wherever you go, I won't be far to follow..." Your hand gripped on the broom, you leaned it towards your chin. You began to get in the mood, with your imagination taking course. As if it were a microphone and you were singing in a restaurant. "Oh, I'm going to love.. YOU SOO!"

You pointed quite aggressively to whatever was Infront of you. Which was Raph who just stood there, not knowing what to do. Watching as you, having a huge visible grin shout more than sing. "I love you means you're never, ever ever getting rid of me!-"

"When you say never-?" Raph tried asking embarrassed. "YOU CANNN TRYYYY. OH, BUT I!- ..." You opened your eyes, staring right at Raph. Who had a face as red as his bandana. The both of you just stared at each other awkwardly as the melody continued. But when it did dramatically ended, you covered your face as he began to compliment you.

"That was so cute Y/N!- You should sing more often y'know? I liked it."

Your face visibly red, you hid your face into your boyfriend's plastron. "Wahh.. never talk about this babe..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

🧡 Mikey

Love You Like A Love Song - Selena Gomez

Mikey was, for the weeks you weren't around just weren't as fun. And that's rare even for him! While you both were cuddling, you had to rip off the band aid of pretending responsibilities didn't exist on him. It did make him a bit sad hearing about all the stress that's been placed upon you. But Mikey, being a respectful person was glad you let him know. He hugged you for a couple more hours before finally letting you go.

The both of you were attached by the hip. His brothers used to tease him for how he may be loud on his own, but with you? They might as well purchase noise cancelling headphones.

They meant all of that in a positive light, reassuring him that you were perfect. Donnie called it "Bestfriends-to-lovers" and that's what you both seemed to be. You were his closest and best friend. There was no argument for it.

Mikey may be "silly" and "funny" but he remembers a lot. Only the stuff he wants to remember though, like your first date with him. It was like another simple day. Chilling in his room, playing video games, and staying close to one another. But there was just something different about that day. You were no longer just best friends, you were something completely different. Which leads to the present. Mikey was balancing on his skateboard, meditating almost. Some footsteps could be heard which came to a sudden stop. He opened one eye to look up at the familiar figure. "Hey- Mikey what on earth are you doing?" Mikey thought to himself... what was he doing?

"I have no clue, my man..." Mikey said in a tired tone. "Well. I'm impressed that you, yourself got this bored! Also you're about to beat MY mark HEY!-" Leo panicked, as Mikey seemingly stood still. He was about to beat Leo. Just a little more! Just a little more..!-

Then Mikey's phone went off, with his loud notification. The loud familiar sound causing Mikey to fall. "Ha! I still have my proud title of being first!" Leo proudly screamed out, with his chest. However Mikey wasn't listening. He snatched his phone looking at the notification, finding your name.

You were finally done with your schoolwork and that made him excited. He quickly typed in his response, almost misspelling the whole thing.

( YOU'RE DONE!! YESSS BE RIGHT THERE )>

The text seemed to fit him. For how loud and positive he was. Mikey then got himself ready. "Hey! Leo can you make me a portal to Y/N's house?" The blue turtle blinked a couple times. A mischievous smile growing on his face. "Seeing your lil partner?" He poked his cheek with his one finger. Mikey groaned, however chuckled. "Yes Leo! I am!"

Leo couldn't help, but hug Mikey. "Look at you! Adorable and growing up. Sure I'll make you a portal... if...." A moment of silence passes. "If...??" Leo smirks, forming his hands in a "gun" shape. "If you tell me I'm your favorite brother!"

The younger brother stared in disbelief. Seriously? "Just.. make me a portal man—" Leo interrupted. "Not until I hear it." Mikey sighed, holding in his laughter. "You're my favorite brotherrr...." Leo grins as imaginary sparkles surrounded him. "I know." As promised, he opened a portal directly to Y/N's residence. Mikey jumped a little, "Wooo! Thanks Leo!" Leo nodded; waving him off.

Mikey stepping through the portal, he waited until it closed. Before he decided to knock on the door. Strangely, in a rhythm-sort of way.

Knockity- Knock- Knock!

Mikey's grin quickly turned into an "o" remembering you have left the door open for him. Turning the knob, pushing the door forwards. Suddenly hearing an upbeat melody, he saw you dancing to yourself... with a mop? And then you began.

"It's been said and done-" The mop twirled as you relaxed. You reached your hand out, gracefully. "Every beautiful thought's been already sung..." The lights felt like spotlights on your "vessel." "And I guess right now... here's another one-" Mikey began to dance a little with you, noticing the speaker was quite loud. He chose not to bother you. "You are beautiful-" Imagining the mop was Mikey, you twirled it around immensely. "Like a dream come alive- INCREDIBLEE!" He has never heard you voice go that high- "I LOVE YOU LIKE A-" He watched as you posed. Poses that reminded him of skateboarding. "LOVE- SONG- BABY!"

Hearing the loud voice through the music, you jumped. Looking to your boyfriend who was feeling the "vibe" with you. "I- i- MIKEY??" He nodded his head with a smile, "Yeah? Keep singing! You got moves!" Blushing to his compliment, you begged him later on to not speak of it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - 💐

💜 Donnie

I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry

Nothing much changed when you told him you were busy. It was another simple day of him hanging around with you. His battle shell off as you massaged the shell. It was relaxing while mesmerizing how you kept up with him. While it may seem a bit shocking for me to say nothing changed. As a man of smarts, he has his own things to complete and finish. So he was quite satisfied, but of course... That'd be him attempting to be a bad boy.

Donnie genuinely did miss you being around. There's only so much time until he thinks of making another machine to transform his brothers into his "Smart Turtle" team again. And if you've seen that episode, you know exactly what I'm talking about. He tended to his bots, brothers, and father when you were away. One strange question was why didn't you ask him for advice? He was sort of a genius.

Many would ignore thoughts such as these, but Donnie being Donnie: he began to overthink. You probably understood the material. There was no need for him to worry. But did you really understand it? He didn't mean to doubt your independence. Just what if you were just struggling and were scared to ask him? Why was he even worrying? Over a silly thing like this? Haha!...

He developed an unhealthy habit of looking at his phone for more than 30 seconds because of this. An unhealthy amount of thinking about your smile, how your eyes read each word, how your tapped your pencil against a hard surface... Oh. He was doing it again. Donnie groaned, flipping over his phone. His drawn brows furrowing together. "This is too much..." A purple drone, flew up to Don. Shelldon, his "teenage-son." "What's wrong D?"

Donnie looked up at the flying drone, "Ah. Shelldon. It's nothing." Shelldon's orange eyes slanted, showing he was expressing confusion. "Is it Y/N again?" The turtle paused. Shelldon's eyes were formed in a way of excitement. "I'm right aren't I?" Donnie huffed, "Scoff! You're getting way ahead of yourself Shelldon. It isn't Y/N..." The drone flew in circles, "Then what were you looking at on your phone?" He groaned, reaching down for his device. "Nothing Shelldon, see?-" Your message was the first thing to appear on his screen. "That's Y/N, dad."

Donnie's eyes widened as he looked back on his phone. It was you! After so long, you've finally messaged him. "Y/N says they're done! You can go see them!" He hesitated on what to type, specifically on if he should go to your place. But it was you. And how could he say no to you? Coming up with the words, he began to type.

( Took you longer than I thought, sure. See you in five. )>

"Well Shelldon! I' will be taking my leave, alert me if my dear brothers do anything... dumb." Shelldon nodded as Donnie equipped his flight battle shell. Which he then used to fly off to your location. As he took sharp turns he began to imagine introducing his presence. Should it be elaborate? Should he show up with his tech-bo in a cool pose? Wait- why is he even thinking about any of this. Maybe Leo was having an influence on him, an unhealthy influence. His face scrunched up to the thought.

Approaching to his location, he dropped down to the stairwell which was right next to your window. Noticing it was already open, scolding you was number one on his list of things to do. That was until he heard a melody, a song. Nobody in New York seemed to be playing music as loud, so it must be inside. He peeked his head inside of your warm apartment noticing your figure immediately. His brows raised to what he saw.

It was you, dancing. You were dancing to a song he has never heard of, and you seemed ready to sing along. "I used to hear a simple song..." You twirled slowly. "That was until you came along. Now in it's place is something new..." You stretched your arm out, as if you were Victorian royalty. "...I hear it when I look at you." As the chorus began he became witness to your use of expression. Don may have the username of "Bootyyyshaker9000" but you? You were something different entirely. He doesn't remember seeing you this expressive with your body, other than you showing frustration and love around him. This was your joy.

While the song is a bit strange.. he enjoyed seeing you dance and sing. So he rested his head on his free hand, watching as you got lost in your imagination. He'd later on search up what song you were exactly listening to just so he could ask you about it. Just so you would smile explaining all the symbolism and adoration you have for this song... He hopes the song was about him though. If you were singing about somebody else, he'd want to know who. Although your voice sounded majestic. He became impatient and pouty. He wanted his shell to be massaged after those weeks of waiting. So he stepped inside, closing the window behind him. Walking up to you with a smirk.

Suddenly feeling a shoulder, you froze. Turning back to see your boyfriend, "May I?" You stared blankly for a couple seconds. Before he grabbed your other hand in his. He knew you wanted to waltz to this song from how you were moving. "I- i- uhm..." He chuckled, "Don't be embarrassed. You sounded good, genuinely." You sigh with red cheeks. "Ye- yes. Yes, you may."

The both of you waltzed throughout the song before Donnie got the massage he missed dearly.

#morilicious #rottmnt #rottmnt 2018 #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt raph x reader #rottmnt mikey x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rise leo #rise raph #rise mikey #rise donnie

551 notes · View notes

world-of-wales · 2 months

Note

I haven't seen the documentary (and I don't plan on it either) but from what I've read apparently Robert Jobson accused William of being jealous of Harry's success with Invictus Games, and they blamed Charles for not making enough effort to see Harry's kids yet having a close relationship with William's kids. And they played old interviews of Harry when he was promoting Spare and blaming William for everything. The documentary is supposed to be about Invictus yet they're just talking about the rift between Harry and William and blaming William for everything, even blaming William for not seeing Harry when he visited the UK after Charles cancer diagnosis. Also they were talking about how the slimmed down Monarchy is stressful for William without Harry and Meghan being there--trying to make it look like William needs Harry and Meghan. The documentary sounds like a smear campaign against William. I won't watch it.

So it is Robert jobson only. Someone mentioned this morning also that it was him, but yk, I'm not even surprised with the narrative he is going with. He's always been a master at stirring the pot, and most of these journos, including him, the so-called rr, are more Harry Fangirls than actual journalists. Like they are the ones Harry would be chatting to pre meghan when he was at the peak of 'hero harry' pr and hence was their media darling. It was quid pro quo basically, the press got their exclusive royal source. And in return Harry got shiny new articles and media for his image & pr.

Now, william, since then, has always been a press punching bag for all sorts of things. He didn't give then any access so they've always kind of took it out on him for trying to protect his own and his family's privacy. This is completely in line with the regular shit, jobson does. So not even surprised.

Also I don't think jobson would just go off script without the knowledge of Harry or his team like I mean....

Also this whole william was jelly theory is so bs like 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😭😭 I'm sure he's crying about it rn in his place as the heir and his family around him. Also bold of jobson to assume that william who helped set these games up so that his brother had a side project to look after is surely jealous of the games. And tbh what's there to be jealous about, I hate to say it but nobody cares about these games outside of the sux stans, nowadays atleast and it all comes back partly to the fact that the world has shifted on their thinking axis a little and partly because invictus has become more of a H&M show post their engagement and them leaving rather than it being about the veterans.

One reason a lot of people don't really care that much, and it's sad that they don't is because at a time where we are forced to see the humanitarian effects of war all across the world in various conflicts, people have become apathetic towards the army personnel and the veterans. Because for the average person they have become an extension to the problem. And I'm not saying this because I want to, my maternal grandfather's whole family has been serving in the Indian army or the other defense forces post indepence and before that my great grandfather fought in the WWII in the British Indian army. So I would like to think that i atleast to some level understand the problems military personnel have to go through. And what I'm saying about the anti military attitude these days is what the reality of the world is. Because of the problems created by world governments, most of the injured veterans do end up being ignored and looked at suspiciously. So while invictus, started off as a noble project, it's not just a pr mechanism for two people.

This is what I was talking about this morning. Invictus nowadays is not about veterans, it's about 2 individuals and I as an organization would think about atleast chatting to them and being like please don't extend the family drama to this.

#ash's asks #anons

26 notes · View notes

electrivolt · 9 months

Text

// blog update— like i said some time ago i will be clearing my mutuals list a bit through the week. more importantly, i am adding a rule concerning interactions.

i have to stress out that this is by no means petty drama or "she said he said so i have beef with them", this is not any petty thing such as stealing icons or headcanons or whatever. it's about genuinely concerning predatory grooming behavior that under other circumstances like irl situations it is serious enough to be likely considered criminal by some. it's something i'm begging all of you to take seriously, i have NEVER before in any rp blog in my years on the platform felt such a strong need to make a DNI and try to cut off someone completely from my curated space.

If you choose to write with Grim/Barghest/whatever other name he chooses to go by, I would prefer to break mutuals. He has shown repeated toxic behavior towards many people, including manipulating and gaslighting, and predatory behavior towards someone that started at the time this person was a minor, including inappropriate messages, to say this lightly. There are screenshots that I can share if so requested, screenshots that have been posted by both the affected person previously and then by Grim himself trying to recontextualize them to both victim blame and make himself the victim.

You are free to interact with Grim as you wish, and this is in no way an ultimatum, I just cannot in any way see this individual on my dash since it frankly does make me physically ill knowing what he has done, and I want to curate my space for my own wellbeing. I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, but I genuinely cannot in good conscience pretend I did not see what happened and act as if everything is fine, and I don't want to simply water down something this inexcusable.

My DMs are open if anyone wants to ask anything concerning this post, and if you feel you need to block me and leave, I understand.

#〔 ooc . 〕 ϟ power off .#// i cannot in good conscience tag this as drama. i swear and promise it literally is not #like i cannot overstate how serious this is #ngl idk if i can be here today just the visceral reaction of seeing him around again was enough to make me sick idk how i haven't thrown up #my hands are just a little shaky i don't know how i managed to type this #i don't know if i'll reblog this or not later on just #im begging you guys to take this seriously #i have never made this kind of post before #and i've been here on tumblr since 2016 through some of the worst rpcs according to people #i just want everyone to stay safe that's really it it's scary #if you've heard of aku this is close honestly

11 notes · View notes

fruitless-vain · 10 months

Note

Hey I got a question for you my resident training expert friend. If you don't mind.

New house, next door has 4 very barky and attention seeking dogs. Any time the back door opens, or they see me through the bathroom or bedroom window, they start barking. If I take Isolde out to give her some ball time, they go nuts along the fence.

They are all friendly, but they just do not calm down....ever. I have been outside for 40 minutes just sitting and they do nothing but bark. Their owners occasionally try to call them in, but don't leave the back step so the dogs mostly ignore them.

I am starting to wonder if there is anything I can do on my end. Like would trying to interact with them by the fence calm them down or more likely to make them go more nuts with excitement when they see me?

I know, neighbour's dogs aren't mine to train, but I can't even set foot in my backyard without them going off...and I have to keep my bedroom curtains closed most of the time so they don't go off if they happen to see me through the fence and window.

It's.... frustrating and I'm not sure what to do about it. I was wondering if you had any tips or if I'm just doomed to the cacophony of dogs who do not know how to stop? *I mean I am a little worried for the dogs too because the one keeps jumping near the fence and I am so worried a paw will get snagged in the fence on the way down, or like running behind their shed where there is a lot of crowded stuff. I just don't want these dogs to break their damn legs with excitement you know????

If you’re comfortable enough with it the easiest option would be to talk to the owners, say you’re really interested in dog training and was wondering if you could try to practice on their dog’s to resolve the backyard barking! Most people are quite embarrassed when their dogs behave that way and are more than willing to accept free help provided they aren’t being shamed or blamed for the behaviours they feel bad about. That would definitely set you up to be able to work on this easier, be able to establish a relationship with the dogs and get permission to give them treats/ know if they have any allergies to be able to work on that.

Usually the easiest management from the owner’s side is just to teach a solid come inside cue, where you would be quite far away and be able to call the dog back in for a huge jackpot, gradually working your way closer. That’s usually a pretty quick process that doesn’t resolve the barking but does end it in the moment with a lot less stress happening on both sides.

If not depending on your setup there’s a few things you can do depending on the cause for the barking. It’s going to be a lot of trial and error to determine what is motivating the dog and what’s going to work.

The first step is to find the distance you can be that doesn’t trigger them. Experiment with it just being you out there, just your pup, perhaps just the jingle of a collar, you out of sight but making some sound, visible but no sound, see if you can isolate what triggers the barking on an individual level and if there’s a distance you can be at that doesn’t start the barking. This could mean opening the back door and still being inside the house. The goal being to take the individual triggers at your safe distance and gradually work your way closer.

The challenge is sorting out what motivates them and what they want to achieve with their barking. For most dogs it’s to make people go away, for some it’s just an overstimulated state of mind from excitement. For fear/ yard guarding you’ll stay under their threshold and then walk away to reward the lack of barking or toss a treat/ get the owner to toss a treat depending on the dog.

For excitement you can reward the lack of barking at your under threshold distance with treat tosses, toy tosses, or even with you/your dog getting closer if that’s what they’re really wanting to have happen if you think it won’t trigger the barking to start in that moment. Alternatively if all they want is you/your dog to come play you can slowly close the distance and immediately walk away when the barking starts. This can be frustrating for the dog however and is not the ideal way to train it, but when you’re trying to fix a problem with extreme limitations like this it is something that can be considered. Important to know if you leaving is rewarding or punishing in this scenario though because if you going away is what they actually want then it’ll make the barking worse.

Goal being to reward the quiet and gradually be able to close the distance.

Behaviours can be complicated and there’s far more options than what I’ve listed here but hopefully it’ll give you some ideas!

8 notes · View notes

heartfulselkie · 2 years

Text

Okay so I've gathered my thoughts so I'm just going to go ahead and post this.

This ended up a lot longer than I wanted it to be, so I'm putting the post undercut so as not to be a huge block of text on people's dashes.

Firstly, thank you to those who have been reading and enjoying my fics. It means a lot to me and I really appreciate that some of you even take the time to leave a comment or message me on my Tumblr.

Unfortunately this past year has been particularly rough for me and my mental health has been pretty abysmal. I'm not going to go into the details of it, but things just haven't been great. Writing has helped me a lot with that in the past, but recently it's just not doing the same. I've been writing but it feels like its going nowhere. I try to encourage interraction with my fics/writing on Tumblr but a lot of the time it feels like it comes up empty. Now I'm not blaming anyone or wanting anyone to feel guilty for that. People are allowed to consume fan content as they want and have a choice if they want to respond to it or not. I don't want anyone to feel like I'm forcing them into something they don't want to do. Because I share what I write so that other people can enjoy it and because I love writing.

My love of writing has become complicated though. And that's partly because I've started drawing again and sharing that as well. So now I'm seeing the huge disparity between my art content and writing content. And as much as I appreciate that people like my art, its disheartening for me as a writer. And I've always considered myself a writer before being an artist. It's just been getting harder and harder to write. I've lost a lot of confidence in it. I can see my art posts circling Tumblr again and again while any posts about my fics or to do with writing are just dead in the water after a day. Even if I reblog it multiple times, I'm lucky to get one like each time. Currently my writing takes far more time and effort for me than drawing. I'm feeling pressurised to write a lot and to update a lot just to keep some kind of consistent interest. But I just can't do that with my current health. I'm aware that the gap between chapter updates for Citrus and Lavender has slowly been getting longer and I hate it.

So now that I've hopefully explained the context, what does it mean?

The next chapter of Citrus and Lavender is going to be the last one for a while. Once I've finished chapter 33 and uploaded it, the fic will be going into hiatus. I need to put my writing and AO3 aside for the time being. At least until I can let go of the false expectations and pressure I've built for myself. It takes way too much of my time and effort for me to write fanfic for me to only feel inadequate with it. And I know I'm a capable writer, or at least I believe myself to be. But for the moment I'm just not in the best headspace for it.

I'm really sorry for this. Especially since chapter 33 for Citrus and Lavender is going to be a shit cut off point. I do still have every intention of finishing the fic, it's just going to be a long wait for it. I'll keep working on it at my own pace, I'll just not be uploading the chapters until probably the whole fic is done. By then I'll hopefully be in a better headspace to share it.

For my other fanfic WIPs I'm not too sure. They'll be in limbo for the time being while I work on them occasionally. But I'm not planning to be uploading any individual chapter of a multichapter fic for the foreseeable future.

As for my Tumblr I'll be cutting back my activity there too. I'll still post on occassion or share some of my art, but I will be a lot less present than I have been.

Again I want to stress that this is not meant to serve as a guilt trip for anyone. This has just been a PSA on my current state and how I can't continue to keep going as I have been. I just need time to find my own value in my writing again.

Thanks to everyone who has left comments on my fics or reached out to me to tell me how much they enjoy my work. It's meant a lot to me and given me enough to know there are people out there that like what I share, no matter what my insecurity tells me.

And thank you to everyone who took the time to read all of this. I appreciate it.

54 notes · View notes

archivalofsins · 6 months

Text

In seriousness-

Addendum: This isn't about the person in the last reblog. Even though I understand why it came off that way in hindsight. I don't vague about people. In this case, I failed to properly articulate my point and take into consideration the timing of my words, which wound up hurting someone's feelings. Being vagued about can lead to great emotional distress. This is something I have no excuse for failing to recognize. Regardless of my personal feelings at the time or intent, it doesn't change the impact my actions may have had.

The point of this was to complain about something that's been continuously occurring and explain why I've been so short in reblogs lately. Not place blame on any singular individual.

Because at the end of the day, it is a personal issue that has developed over the course of my involvement with the series and fandom. That I'm trying to navigate better. So, if I'm short with anyone outside of the things I state in that post directly to them nothing else I say after is about them, but my perception of events which I know can be wrong.

I'm sorry for my carelessness here. Taking accountability is important. This was my error for not being as specific as I should have been.

This shit is tiring at this point. It's like every day someone wants to be like,

"Let me have a debate with you."

This is why I think your point is incorrect, and I totally can't make my own post and just say that far away from you. No, I have to do the equivalent of egging your house and then asking what's wrong politiely. For something that isn't even actually a debate or based on anything factual but fully rooted in my own personal feelings. Along with what I'd find narratively interesting.

Okay, cool why did I have to be involved here at any point? Why? Well, because your post made me think this, and I thought you needed to know how harmful putting this forth was and how inaccurate I believe it to be. Especially the way you presented it. Okay, I know now and? And what? Don't you want to say why you think I'm wrong?

Further support you're point with more evidence.

No, I don't, actually. I'm super tired and I'd really like to just open this app one day and not have to debate against other people's personal opinions. Because that's not fun to me. Talking about facts is fun , and most of the people who do this don't have any. Because they are not interested in them. There's a difference between people who really want to know and engage with various other opinions and someone who just wants to talk somebody else's down.

It's an incredibly easy thing to spot as well. I actually do care about how people feel on other prisoners and why. I actually do want to see people defend their worse qualities and stick by them regardless of what they did. I actually would like to talk about the social issues Milgram addresses and the environmental factors that lead to the prisoners committing their crimes.

Discuss the economic stresses, societal expectations, and discrimination they faved that cause them to get to the point they're at now. The minute visual evidence throughout all the prisoners' music videos. That stuff is fun.

Debating people on their personal feelings and what they consider a sin comparable to murder is not fun. It's depressing. Because what a good amount of this fandom considers a sin I simply fucking consider people living their everyday lives. Like lying, abortion, or being a clingy romantic partner.

So, to set the record straight as I have said before-

I do not consider anything short of killing someone with one's bare hands with malicious intent murder. I don't consider someone else deciding to take their own life because of something someone else did murder, I don't consider abortion murder.

I don't consider someone going,

"Aww shit- Wouldn't it be cool if I dropped this coin off this thousands of feet in the air building you know just to see it fall.'

Then that coin somehow managing to slice the throat of someone walking down below murder. Just like I do not consider something that was clearly an accident or directly out of anyone's control murder such as a gun misfiring murder. There is criminal negligence, sure, but when the word murderer is used, I have a clear understanding of what that word on an individual level means.

I'm not going to debate people based on philosophical constructs that they keep making up and changing to suit their individual needs and keep coming to me with. Ultimately, that makes these sins less interesting to me and hamper my engagement. Making Milgram less enjoyable as a whole.

Especially when it feels like some are going completely out of their way to misinterpret my statements in new wholly unique, more interesting ways, in order to one up the last time it happened as the days continue. To each their own, though. I don't go vaguing about people looking for other people's theories or just starting debates for no reason. I don't even go in the tag. Because chances are some fuck is going to be vaguing about me at the top of it because that's happened several times before.

To the point that I can either say as little as possible or risk being a bitch for no reason. Simply going, I don't know what to say, actually. I'm just going to elaborate further on my point since you didn't fully understand it seems and leave.

Honestly, at this point, the alternative is to literally go each day I stray closer and closer into the belief that media literacy is a myth. Along with getting extremely close to pulling a Hinako Mukuhara in real life as I sit looking at my balcony like man wouldn't that be nice.

Should have did that several years ago when I had the chance when they took the old balcony fence down to replace it with a more stable one and the guy putting it in said jokingly why it was completely gone and he was leaving,

"Ha, ha now, don't you go jumping off now."

Then I chuckled like ha, ha, good one and went to my room. Because I'd been sitting there thinking about it the entire time watching him take the shit down like huh maybe he'll leave for a second while it's completely gone. Then he made the joke, and I thought man ya know what, I'd be such a shit person if I did that after he made that joke it wouldn't even just ruin his day that would ruin his life. That'd be rude as hell, so I went to my room and stared at a ceiling instead.

I do not want to have emotion based debates. Because I am sick of hurting people's feelings. By going well actually - I just want to talk about the thing I like the way I like to talk about it. Because I simply like to talk about it that way. It is not fun feeling like the one raining on everyone's parade all the time and getting worried sick about,

"Oh, what will I say wrong this time. What are they going to vague about me on anon to the confession blog about today? Should we even talk at all? I don't really think I'm doing this right. It doesn't feel like I'm doing this right."

Whelp, fuck me I guess I can't do it right when I want to do it right and I can't even do it wrong when I want to do it wrong.

Fuck it just keep rolling. I don't even have to be rolling anywhere anymore it can just be this forever until it's over. It is what it is. There are times in life when you have to be a responsible adult and realize things aren't about you they aren't about facts or feelings. They aren't about anything. Sometimes, it truly is about nothing.

And that's fine, that's totally okay. It is what it is. It'll stay what it will be. Just keep moving, and don't stop ever. Because they won't, so why should you. Just chill. And thank god that Deep Cover was fucking delayed so a break is on the horizon after next month.

#gunsli vents #tw suicide ideation

6 notes · View notes

starlit-recovery · 5 months

Note

Would you mind talking a bit about how y’all and your partner system interact together? We’ve never really heard others’ experiences with two systems in a relationship and it’s tough to work out on top of all the other brain chaos!

Yeah sure!

The first few years we were both very heavily focused on individual alters and their individual relationships, we got together in 2014 and at that point weren't super far into our recovery or understanding our systems so we did have quite a "we're separate people" view at the time but things have evolved a lot since then as we've worked on healing and understanding our systems (and trauma).

Generally we see ourselves now as collectively in a relationship, we've lived together for most of our relationship (after being friends on tumblr for 2.5 years and would later meet up every so often) and that's impacted how our relationship evolved. When we're both CDID it makes it really hard to actually keep up with the individual connections, especially when amnesia made it hard for even specific alters to remember who they had or hadn't met, let alone started dating lol. So we eventually just figured it was easier to say that we're collectively in a relationship (ofc exceptions for those who don't want to be for any reason).

In the start we used to fuss over each other a lot and we used to try to fix everything. But a big part of our healing (for both systems) has been not making ourselves responsible for everything and it's benefited our relationship a lot to know we can be having a bad time without the other stressing out over making it okay. We can now just be like "I'm having a shit time" and we'll ask if there's anything the other can do and if not we'll just make sure we don't make it worse if possible. We give each other space easier without taking it personally or needing to check in every 3 seconds. It helps a lot now we know that the other system isnt going to bend over backwards to attempt to fix it.

We've also had to learn to not react negatively because of trauma - we can't blame each other for triggers coming up and we've learned to be more responsible for our actions and reactions. We've never really got into arguments or anything, disagreements are usually small things that aren't massively important, and I think that's because we've learned to manage our trauma responses better which allows us to step back from situations and also be more honest with each other in a calm way.

Honestly a lot of the time being systems isn't as much of a focus as it used to be in general. Our interactions have become more about just doing what we can to be happy and enjoy our lives together. I guess you could say that being trauma survivors has become more of the important part in that we do what we can to create new, better experiences to help with healing and depression. We fill our space with things we love and we spend time together doing what we enjoy, so much of the time we're just vibing together quietly in the same room watching TV together, or we'll just be in separate rooms playing games, or we'll cook together. Our life has become more normal in a lot of ways and we focus on finding the joy in having that normal life - even grocery shopping together has become something that just makes us feel really content and happy.

Our systems are still obviously part of the relationship in a big way, and some alters I think have more "central" relationships where they've built very intense connections with alters in the other system but they're more like the pillars that hold everything up.

I don't know really if this is the kind of thing you were asking to hear about but please feel free to ask other things if you want to! I guess a lot of it comes down to "trauma recovery has strengthened our relationship in many ways"

4 notes · View notes

doberbutts · 2 years

Text

@punk-de-l-escalier

Because snakes are largely voiceless, they're really big on body language. However most snakes are also largely non-social animals and many lack the part of the brain that allows for social connection, so it's assumed what they have to say is primarily for intimidation, predation, or reproduction.

In general, a tense or reeled back posture, especially with the head in a tight S shape, is a very loud "I WILL bite you" warning. Really any sort of tenseness, pulling or curling back on themselves, or otherwise avoidant behavior is largely defensive. They're afraid and they want you to go away and leave them alone.

There are some species out there who are a little more forward in their defensive behavior. These snakes may lunge forward unexpectedly, give chase for a short distance, or headbutt with closed mouth. This is also a pretty loud "GO AWAY". When I said that Nidhogg threatened to bite the fuck out of me yesterday, what he did was quickly switch from a defensive position (reeled back and tense in a strong S shape) to a more forward attacking position complete with closed-mouth lunge as I reached in to start cleaning his cage.

Because I find ATBs are really smart (they seem to understand to blame the face for the actions of the hand, or at least mine have) that meant he switched from having a fit about my hand in his cage to lunging at my face in a matter of seconds. This is still a defensive behavior, but it's meant to intimidate and scare off a potential predator as a last-ditch effort before they actually have to bite. In fairness, most people see a snake rise up and lunge at them and back up, which is what he wanted me to do. I had to clean his cage though so 🤷‍♂️ instead I got my gloves so if he backed up his threat I could minimize the damage.

Some snakes will hiss, and this can be very quiet or very loud depending on the individual species. My ATB's hiss sounds like a little puff of air. My BCI's hiss is loud, almost like a roar, and he gapes his mouth open to do so. Vision used to hiss when I first got him, the locale is known for being a bit testy as babies but calming down in adulthood, and he's no exception to that. I haven't heard him hiss or seen him gape since he was about a year and a half. He'll be 8 years old soon. Some will also wag their tails as though they are rattlesnakes, and in the wild they move their tails under brush and leaves to make a similar sound.

When I had hognoses, they would hiss as they flattened their faces and necks to resemble cobras, and often times I could see a "chewing" motion in their jaws. Hognoses are rearfanged venomous, albiet a fairly weak venom, so I'm curious if the chewing motion was them flexing their rear fangs. Rearfanged snakes aren't like normal venomous snakes, they cannot inject you with venom by simply lunging and piercing the skin. Instead they must "chew" their way to a full-mouthed bite once they have hold of you, and only when they have your flesh at the back of their mouth can they actually give you a dose of venom. Hognoses, like most rearfanged snakes, don't use venom as a defense and don't tend to bite in defense, choosing to headbutt or play dead if a predator is particularly stubborn about going away. I found my hogs' hisses to be very loud for their size, and it had a rattling sound to it like a rattlesnake's rattle.

Cobras, of course, also flatten their heads and necks to display their hoods. Other snakes will do this too, but ime none mimic it as well as the hognose. Certain snakes will gape silently, no hiss, to warn you that they have teeth and aren't afraid to use them. Some snakes will fling poop and pee on you, and some have a musk they spray from the same opening which is vile-smelling and doesn't wash out easily.

Snakes- like most animals- don't really want to bite us. Choosing to follow through with the threat is costly, stressful, and dangerous. They are aware we are much bigger than them and can hurt them quite easily. Even if we don't fight back, snake teeth are hollow and break off easily even when we flinch away, or if we have to pry them off of us if they're really latched on. A mouth infection is a death sentence for a wild animal, so they really don't want to risk this if they don't have to. I find even wild snakes will warn and warn and warn before choosing to strike, and hospital data confirms the majority of snake bites seen in ERs are due to people going out of their way to kill the creature or animals that have been allowed to harass them. The few fly-by strikes that happen often DID have warnings, the victim simply didn't see or react to them in time before the snake lost its patience (due to being hidden in tall grass or under a structure).

For predation, I find my snakes all have a certain... focused interest in something they're considering eating. The body is a little looser, the head tightly tracks the prey animal's movements, there's a very single-minded focus on the prey animal. Once they've committed to actually wanting to kill and eat their prey, I see a moment of pause and then the lunge. I have constrictors so my guys get a good mouthful and wrap their bodies around their prey, but when I had hognoses and corns which are not constrictors, they just snatched them up and swallowed them without wrapping them. I feed exclusively frozen/thawed, prekilled prey items as none of mine have required live longterm.

I have not yet bred snakes but I have occasionally had a particularly amorous male test to see if I was an interested lady snake for him to court. My constrictors mostly have spurs- vestigle hind legs- which during breeding they'd use to tickle the underside of a receptive female and hold her in place so they can do their thing. So I've had males stroke me with their spurs before and gone "ew. No you're done actually" before putting them back in their cages. I haven't seen any other courtship behavior than that, but I also don't breed, and I don't let my males progress their flirtations further than rotating their spurs at me.

37 notes · View notes

lifewaster-imdanger98 · 7 months

Text

Why do you hurt others when you just want to be loved?

Now I'm aware that this will be a sensitive topic to many, so consider this your TRIGGER WARNING. Unfortunately, it has also been common occurance on here for me to make people offended or even aggressive for offering genuinely well intended advice on how to improve their situation. This seems to be particularly prevelent in the self harm and mental illness communities. So if you don't like what I'm saying, please just leave. I don't intent on hurting anyone's feelings.

With that out of the way, let me answer the actual question here. To make it very short, abusive childhood / childhood trauma (most likely). But if you're here to listen to a stranger ramble to an imaginary audience in his head for a couple of minutes, let me put it another way.

If you have suffered some form of abuse or trauma during your childhood, especially during the first couple of years of your life, your entire way of socializing with other people can be fundamentally damaged. The big issue with childhood trauma when compared to "regular" trauma, is that during childhood we learn the most fundamental aspects of human interaction. When this process is compromised in any way it's Nearly impossible to correct the compromised behavioral patterns later on.

A child growing up in an abusive household will develop behaviors that help it cope with their individual situation in order to protect itself. They may blame themselves instead of their parents for the situation they are in, or they may try to remove themselves from all uncomfortable situations they're in.

The problem is that these behavioral patterns remain into adulthood, even if the abuse had been removed from their environment at some point. Often times this results in trust issues, an inability to deal with most kinds of stress, a feeling of unworthyness, anger issues or an inability to deal with one's own emotions.

Because of these behaviors, other people may view them as controlling, untrusting, violent, unreasonable, cold hearted or manipulative.

In other words, childhood trauma can result in a general inability to form any meaningful and long lasting relationships.

Now that's all very depressing and a hard pill to swallow indeed, but hope is not lost.

The simple solution is getting therapy. It's not that hard, and I promise they won't lock you away for being honest with them as long as you're not a legal adult. But in that case it would probably be for your best.

If you are an adult however, simply talking to a therapist every week or two for a couple years can really change who you thought you are as a person. And I guess that's really all I've got to say for now, thanks for sticking with me till the end.

#mentally exhausted #sorry for being depressing #sad thoughts #i cant do this #i hate it here #i’m tired #tw depressing thoughts #tw self loathing #self destruction #tw self destructive behavior

2 notes · View notes

compassionatereminders · 2 years

Note

This is a vent, however I welcome ALL suggestions or thoughts. I appreciate different perspectives.

I have cptsd following an unhealthy family and a long and abusive marriage. I'm in therapy, I'm steadily working on myself and on building my new life as a single parent. My current partner is diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder. They also display MANY characteristics of BPD. (The two disorders do have overlapping symptoms, so do knows)

It is very hard to stay. Much of the bad times are very similar to the mental abuse in my marriage. It's hard to trust my own judgment and memory, and it's also hard to believe the kindness that I experience in the good times. When things are good, it's great! When things start getting difficult, I try to show care and love. They don't make it easy to do though. I'll do 5 caring type things, and it's the 6th thing I should have done that gets all the attention and anger. When things are bad, I am treated like the problem, I am snapped at, I walk on eggshells to keep things calm and then I'm snapped at for walking on eggshells. Help, but don't over help. Give attention, but also don't give any. Engage in conversation, but don't overwhelm and also don't take anything personal when the entire conversation is sharp, critical, occasionally explosive, and dismissive.

The weaknesses I'm working on are mocked or criticized, and then excused away as me making assumptions. And then I get depressed, I feel cloudy headed, I think the bad thoughts I have worked through in therapy. The bad times provoke me and then I regress.

Good times are great. We do things people do *together* rather than isolated and ignored as I was before. Displays is affection. Help when I need it and don't know how to ask. Compliments. Support for my personal goals. Support when I'm feeling defeated or stuck. Laughing, playing games, watching movies. The stuff people do with their partners that I never got to do in my whole life. So much good.

It feels like the effects of my partner's mental illness is reliving my past abuses. My ex did this negative stuff to maintain coercive control and ego. I was essentially a servant at home and a trophy at career events. My current partner does this with cyclic moods or following stressful events and when I'm needed for shielding. Their individual motivations may be different, but the effects on me seem to be the same.

I don't want to end an important relationship with a truly loving, carrying, devoted person. I also don't want to continue living my life on someone else's emotional rollercoaster. Loving someone with mental illness is hard, and I don't want to let the bad stuff ruin the good stuff. I want to better handle the bad times but I haven't figured that out yet. Being logical and predictable with a person in an illogical state is so hard, especially when I'm being blamed and nit-picked. I'm worried I won't figure it out and I'll go right back to the way I was before I left my ex. I want to work with this rather than let it break me, or break us. It's just so hard to see the difference between illness vs abuse when they are so similar.

I'm sad and tired and angry and fed up and sad again.

-D

Thank you for providing a space to vent. I don't know who to talk to right now but I need to talk to someone, or at least let it out. I appreciate that this is a space to do so.

I think that the relationship you're describing here sounds very toxic and unhealthy, and that even if your current partner is a genuinely well-intentioned person who is only acting out because of their mental health issues, that still doesn't mean you should put up with being mistreated like this. Because facts are that for these toxic patterns to actually get resolved, your partner needs to fully realize and take responsibility for changing their behavior - and if they aren't capable of and/or willing to lift that task, nothing you can say or do will make the relationship healthy and safe. So you gotta ask yourself whether your partner is ready to really, truly face their issues and actively work on themselves or whether it's time to walk away. Because there's no shame in walking away from someone who can't treat you right. No, not even if they aren't hurting you on purpose.

#chat with kat #abuse tw

26 notes · View notes

faeflowerz · 2 years

Text

Happy Birthday, Leona Kingscholar 🦁

Alright. Let's do this. Imma snatch this man's wig. Drag him for filth. I've been waiting for this moment.

It's only fair I get his out before I play catchup with everyone else. Im primed and pumped. Let's get these jokes off.

Leona bothers me. Its not just because hes a grown ass man trying to stay in school. It's because he does it on pawpouse. He's playing 4D chess with everyone and found a way to stay in school rather than do ANYTHING ELSE. Leona values his school life more than his future bc hes afraid of what comes next.

Unlike Mal + Lilia who can pop back into school every half a century, Leona will have to go out into the world and stay there. He knows that whatever comes next, he's not ready for it. He's expressed his dislike for his home life and being a prince seems like it's more trouble than it's worth. Leona wants to be free to do as he pleases without someone breathing down his neck. I get that. Adulthood is scary as fuck and I don't blame him.

But what will happen when the people he's grown attached to moves on? He's got a revolving door of students in his dorm and even he will have to leave too. It's fragile just like the dust he makes. And that’s what I'm curious about. Is his family okay with this arrangement? Do they appreciate not having to deal with him? Because then this all makes even more sense. He justified that he has ppl to do shit for him at NRC, but whatever he wants can be done at home too. And since he's the second son, he could fuck off even more, right?

While he's not easily stressed, his emotions can get the better of him. His chapter is pretty mid, but Lilia’s taunts set him over the edge. He's most likely been ridiculed all his life as the second one. He doesn't have an identity back home. If someone taps into that nerve, it breaks him. Leona aint figured out who he is as an individual and as a prince he won't get it. His friends and "subordinates" treat him as Leona and not the prince of the sunset savana. But um, hes an asshole!

Yeah hes a gd asshole and I'm not letting it go. Leona is surrounded by people who love and support him and yet he brushes it off. He won't tell you how he feels and it is annoying. Like, bro, stop trying to prove a point and tell your friends that you give a shit about them. Especially Ruggie. You nearly killed him and yet he still helps you. Hes not even the vice dorm leader so he could just tell u to fuck off. Scar fell because he neglected the people he promised to support. He made false promises and didn't deliver on them when it came time to return the favor. And while Rome wasn't built in a day, his chapter didn't do any favors for him.

I said his chapter is mid because like Vil, the stakes were low and stayed low. Riddle's behavior affected the QOL of everyone in his dorm. Azul was damn near a slave owner. Jamil (while limited to just Kalim) could have gotten himself killed if word got back home. Vil and Leona didn't have high enough stakes until they inflicted their magic onto someone (which still bothers me that he went for Ruggie who hadn't provoked him).

His plan of breaking everyone's legs was dangerous. I think that puts his story higher than Vil's (which had reasonable demands most of the time). But if they rearranged some shit so that Savanaclaw students just went "fuck off leona, we're tired of this shit" and ruggie is the final one to go "I'm tired of it too." Then he would snap and we would get it. He wants control over everything in his life and now that he's pushed too many buttons, he will value the people who love him a little bit more.

To me, Leona first came off as a lazy son of a bitch who didn't want to get his hands dirty and blamed everything on everyone else. And while that may be true, I also think that his chapter should have made his charm more obvious. Or maybe that's the joke? All of his fans have no reason to like him!

You wanna know his appeal? Hes tsundere. That's it. His lines about MC are the most obvious but the ones about his dorm mates solidify it. Everyone loves an ass who can't tell you how he feels up front. But also people want to fuck cats so it's that too.

But I think Leona needs to ask himself: does he deserve it? Does he deserve to be a leader and does he deserve his position? I would venture to say he doesn't think so. He's not as self-deprecating as Idia, but his flaws can be pretty stifling for some. So to compensate, he asserts himself a little more while picking which fights he goes into.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO HIS REASONING FOR POMEFIORE. okay look. I appreciate a good surprise but Leona has another thing coming if he's sure he could take Vil. Their relationship is already frustrating for Vil because Leona doesn't put forth his best efforts all the time. Leona wants to reap the benefits with no work. He's spoiled. And that pisses Vil off because Vil is always on his grind. Type A vs Type B. And I agree. Leona's passiveness is frustrating especially when he looks down on people who could reasonably beat his ass. In terms of winning over the students, it's a tie. They're both attractive, persuasive and…fuck theyre so hot. But who will keep everything stable? Vil. Leona's good in Savanaclaw bc they value "the fittest" and follow whoever wins. All dorms could reasonably work like that that, but I think the application of Vil's UM could fuck Leona over. If he tested Azul or Riddle, he could win because their UM is easier to deal with. Mal is up in the air and Idia…probably would put it in a stalemate (see their chess battle). Plus, Leona hates stuffy clothes and would probably get annoyed by Rook long before he could actually enjoy anything Pome has to offer.

I get why he wouldn't want Diasomnia. Mal has that shit on lock. Scarabia would probably be easier than he thinks. Kalim and Jamil work in tandem so if he just gently pushed them both out the way, it wouldn't be too hard. Plus, Kalim already seems to like Leona. Jamil doesn't vibe with him, but what's he gonna do about it?

He could have just said pome to balance out the choices everyone made. I think i saw a chart floating around with everyones dorm pick so they probably didn't have enough Pome. Oh well.

Ok before I go, I wanna talk about his relationship with Ruggie. I said that Ruggie has no dimension to him because he's only got Poor and Leona as his defining traits. And I still believe that. Fun fact. At the time of writing this, Ruggie has about 7 lines that mention Leona. Leona has 5 mentions of Ruggie. Do with that what u will. For real tho, i like their relationship for some reason. Ruggie doesn't take shit from Leona and Leona just lets him say shit with thin threats. And Leona has a lot of faith in him too. Ruggie seems to underestimate his abilities sometimes which is why Leona pushes him. After all, what good is a servant that sucks at his job?

Going forward I think I want Leona to…not be an ass. Easier said than done lmaoooo. But for real hes definitely scared of adulthood because it means going back to a life where he is constantly shoved into a box and limited in his individuality. It's kind of the system that fucks him over the most. He's got his smarts but it kind of seems like mages are valued past just what you know. Soz, dude. Sucks to be you!

Happy Birthday Leona! 🦁😊

#leona kingscholar #twisted wonderland #faes character reflection #writing

24 notes · View notes