heartfulselkie
Catboy Central
AO3 | Art Tag | Ko-Fi | They/Them | Current fixation is Miraculous Ladybug so this blog is 90% that. | Please do not repost my art
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*emerges from the other room covered in blood* you should see the word document
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people are really looking at stats to determine if a fic is worth reading? no wonder fics that never got popular at the first drop never had a chance 💀
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Imagine falling through a portal and finding out that the partner you exchange playground bullying with (he pulls her hair, she pushes him into the mud) can actually be a whole lot Worse™ (he's been blowing up the moon and drowning the world instead)
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me cracking open a new google doc: i'm about to ruin so many people's days
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i think if you're participating in a fandom yet vehemently hate the source material it's probably time to move on to another fandom instead of wasting your time constantly criticizing the source material and/or those who genuinely enjoy it
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we used to have normalized whump. remember what they took from you....
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"He laughs, throwing his head back. His neck stretches, the skin lifting from the cocoon of his hoodie. A rosebush of love bites flash across his throat. Ladybug’s heart stops."
hey so you should read @rosekasa's fic what happens in london
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adhd will have you fighting for your life to do beloved hobbies that bring you nothing but joy
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Another day of me drawing a normal comic with just myself and not anybody else 🥰 wouldn't it be funny if I tagged @anna-scribbles though even though she was not involved in this comic whatsoever? Hahahaha how quirky of me
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Processing identity as a child abuse survivor
Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).
This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.
Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.
Revelation 1: Was I Abused?
Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.
'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?
For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.
At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'
It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.
Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.
(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)
Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)
Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).
youtube
This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.
Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.
ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.
Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.
Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.
.
Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?
This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.
(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)
The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.
What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.
Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.
Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.
Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.
Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.
At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.
What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.
So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.
Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.
#thank you for sharing this op#ive already gone through a lot of this in my own therapy#but this is helpful for other people to see#I'm still coming to terms with a lot of the things I've dealt with#or am still dealing with#unfortunately i still have to live with the person#but at least im old enough now to look after myself
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I have no excuse for this other than Chat Blanc runs around my head daily..
Based on this post
Support me on Ko-fi☕
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Sometimes it can be so weird and jarring to be someone who's adverse to physical touch.
Like I really don't like people being in my space or randomly touching me.
But at the same time I really miss and crave that kind of physical affection like hugs. I miss having people I was that comfortable with.
#i used to have people like that#cause i think I'm actually a very affectionate person with those I'm comfortable with#but for various reasons those people aren't in my life anymore#and sometimes i just get overwhelmed by the feeling of wanting a hug or something#but there's no one around I feel comfortable having that close to me#hmm#selkie talking to themself
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Imagine falling through a portal and finding out that the partner you exchange playground bullying with (he pulls her hair, she pushes him into the mud) can actually be a whole lot Worse™ (he's been blowing up the moon and drowning the world instead)
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it’s after midnight so you can say goodbye to the clean lineart and say hello, oh wow, lighting. This one’s from @unkoolklub
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