#i want him to build me a house and a fire and father my children | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

topguncortez · 3 months

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Maybe blurb from crying prompt idk if this would be a hide or hold maybe both? But the reader holds her emotions in during a family thing because she's the oldest sibling and she feels like she has to be strong because that's how her family was raised and then she gets a moment and they tell her to stop being strong and that it's okay to let it out. I'm thinking either Bradley or Jake?

Hold My Hand - J. Seresin x Reader

synopsis: you get a phone call that no child ever wants to get, and as the "rock" of the family, you aren't allowed to break.

warnings: parental death, trauma, parental abandonment, incorrect medical jargon, mental abuse, grief, depression

note: I know this was supposed to only be a blurb, but I started writing and I couldn't stop. These past 16 days have been hell and there was something about writing this that just felt so freeing, like the cloud hanging over me has finally been lifted.

it had felt like a lifetime had passed, but in reality, it had only been 10 days.

10 days since that frightening phone call on that cold January day.

10 days since your mother called you, sound incoherent on the phone but you managed to gather the gist of it.

10 days since you had rushed out of your house, your hair half done, your husband chasing after you like you had lost your mind.

10 days since your father so bravely rushed into a burning building, saving other children and leaving you, your siblings and your mother behind.

You were angry, at first. Angry at the world for allowing this to happen. Angry at your father for playing superman when he was just a regular man. Angry at the other people standing around who didn’t have the same courage to run into the fire instead of standing by and yelling at your father to turn back. Angry that this was going to be the end; that your mother would be a widow at a young age, your youngest sisters wouldn’t have their father to walk them down the aisle, your children wouldn’t ever have another “grandpa day��, that you’d never get another hug and an “i love you” from your father again.

You wanted to cry. You wanted to shut out the world, force the cameras away, force the sorrowful looks from others away, force the heavy weight of your heart onto someone else.

But you couldn't. You had to be the strong one. For your mother. For your siblings. For your own children.

Jake had been watching you like a hawk since you had gotten that phone call. The morning started out like any other morning, with the two of you waking up before the sun was in the sky, making sure you had enough time to do a quick at-home workout and a run. You had been working on packing the kids' lunches when you got that call. He had to pry the keys out of your hands, telling you that your mother didn't need you and your father in the hospital.

Jake had eyed you the whole drive, noticing the redness and the unshed tears in your eyes. The way that you clutched the dainty silver cross around your neck between your fingers. The way that you sniffled every so often, trying to hold back the tears. But the second you stepped into the hospital, seeing the distressing look on your mother's face and the waiting room full of fellow firemen, you rolled your shoulders back and pushed back your own sadness and grief.

Those 10 days had been the best and worst of your life. You hardly left the hospital, unless Jake was physically forcing you to leave. You hardly ate, hardly slept, hardly took care of yourself. Your mind was so worried about everyone else except yourself. For 9 days, you had believed that maybe, just maybe, your father would pull through. But that all came crashing down on day 10, when your father's brain had swelled and his doctor's pronounced him brain dead.

"Y/N," Your mother had spoke, looking over at you as the doctor stood in front of your family. Jake shifted in his seat, putting his hand on your thigh, "You need to do it."

"What?"

"No," You and Jake spoke at the same time.

Your mother shook her head, "I can't be the one. . .," Tears clogged her throat, "I can't be the one who takes him-"

Jake scoffed, sitting up straight in his chair, his grip tightening on your thigh, "And you want your daughter to-"

"Jake," You sighed. There was no use in fighting. After all, you were the eldest. You knew eventually you would be the one who gets stuck making the medical choices for your parents. You just assumed you'd have more time to prepare. You rolled your shoulders back and looked at the doctor, "What do I need to sign?"

"It was such a lovely service," Your aunt Marjorie said, patting Jake's hand as he spoke to him. It was true, you had done a fantastic job planning a funeral for your father, all by yourself. Jake had helped you the best that he could, going with you to pick out a casket and a grave plot and music and flowers, "That Y/N was always Lee's favorite."

"I know," Jake gave Aunt Marjorie his best gentleman smile, the one that made his dimple pop out, "She's a special girl."

"Oh and how brave she was standing in front of everyone and speaking?" Aunt Marjorie placed her hand on her heart. Jake nodded his head, wishing that he could be anywhere else than in a conversation with Aunt Marjorie, "And that Miranda," Aunt Marjorie scoffed, looking over at where your mother sat stoic on the couch, "Looks like she's going to be the next to go."

Jake clenched his jaw, pulling his eyes away from your mother. He had his own thoughts and feelings about her, ones that he had shared with you one night during a heated fight.

"She has abandoned you!" Jake yelled, as you angrily pulled the blankets back on the bed. You were exhausted and just wanted to sleep in your bed for one night. You had managed to get your mother to stay with your father for the night, which was like pulling teeth, "You need her to be the parent and she's not."

"She is grieving too, Jake," You sighed.

"And you're not!?"

"I am," You ran a hand down your face, "I just handle it differently. I've always been the strong rock. The one who doesn't cry. The one who holds others when they cry," You sat down on the bed, your body heavy with exhaustion.

"And I know that, baby," Jake rounded the bed, and sat down beside you. He grabbed your hand, holding it in his own, "You are strong. You are incredibly fucking strong. . . but you shouldn't have to be the strong one right now. You shouldn't be the one pulling all nighters by your dad's side. You shouldn't be the one making medical decisions on your father's behalf. Even though you are an adult. . . Y/N, baby, you're still his child. Your mother should-"

"I don't want to have this conversation anymore," You pulled your hand away from Jake, "My mom isn't well, and she needs me to help her-"

"Bullshit," Jake scoffed, "She is abandoning you and you know it."

You clenched your jaw, holding back the anger radiating in your body. Jake held a tiny bit of hope that maybe, just maybe you'd lash out at him. That you'd show some type of emotion after being a near zombie these past 8 days. But instead, you stood up quietly and left the room, choosing to go sleep in your son's room instead.

Jake had drown out Aunt Marjorie's talking, his eyes landing on you across the room. You had opened up your home to your family, your father's fire crew, Jake's squad and friends for a meal and drinks following the funeral. You had done a great job at not falling apart during the service or the burial, but Jake could tell that the rope was starting to fray. And right now, it was about to snap as you were talking animatedly with your sister across the room in a small alcove.

"Hey, Aunt Marjorie," Jake turned back to look at the 80 year old woman, "It was lovely catching up with you, but I need to go help Y/N with something. We should do coffee some time."

"Oh yes, that'd be-"

"Great, see you later," Jake quickly made his way over to you, not bothering to hear the rest of Aunt Marjorie's response.

The last thing you wanted to do in a houseful of guests from your father's funeral, was get into an argument with your sister, but here you were. Claire was the baby of the family, the one who got away with the most. Your relationship with Claire was rocky, as the line between sister and mother-figure had gotten crossed while you were growing up. You wanted what was best for Claire, and sometimes that required extra tough love and parenting.

"You are high!" You exclaimed.

"I am not," Claire's voice was slightly slurred. Jake's nose scrunched up as he walked into the room, smelling the distinct scent of marijuana.

"My whole damn shed smells like marijuana, Claire," You crossed your arms over your chest, "This isn't like you. What is going on? Talk to me."

"Oh god," Claire rolled her eyes, "Here she goes again. Acting like my mother!"

"Well!" You scoffed, throwing your arms in the air. Jake stood behind you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. In the past couple days, you had shrugged off any sort of comfort that Jake offered you, but now, you welcomed it, "You smoked a joint before you walked into dad's funeral! Smoked another one in my shed, where your niece and nephew play. And don't even get me started on how you reeked like vod-"

"Y/N," Your mother's voice filled the air, making all three of you look towards her, "Let's not do this now."

"No," You shook your head, "Let's do this now. Your daughter is high. She smoked up in my garage and then walked into my house smelling like a dispensary."

Your mom looked over at your sister and then back at you. You felt a pang in your chest as you watched her silently side with your sister. The familiar burning sensation of tears prickled at your eyes and nose.

"She's grieving," Your mother simply answered.

You scoffed, "And who isn't?"

"Y/N,"

"Forget it," You shook your head, "It's nothing, it's fine. It's always fucking fine."

For the rest of the afternoon, you made yourself busy, staying far away from your mother and sister. Jake remained within arms reach of you, his presence comforting and not overbearing. You had finally sat down, and managed to get something in your stomach. It must've been evident on your face, but the guests had only said a couple words to you before going on their way. It took nearly four hours, but all the guests had left, filling your house with a silence you hadn't heard in nearly 10 days.

Jake had taken the burden of cleaning everything up, while you sat on the back porch, watching the sunset with a glass of wine in your hand. The cool San Diego winter breeze felt nice against your heated skin.

"The house is finally, back to normal," Jake announced as he walked out onto the back porch. Natasha had gratefully volunteered to take your children for the night, so you and Jake could decompress.

"Thank you, daddy," You smiled sweetly at him, as he sat down next to you on the porch swing.

"Of course, baby," He said, and held out a white gift box, "Someone left this for you."

You furrowed your eyebrows, taking the box from him and lifting the lid. Your breath caught in your throat as you lifted the small, gold pocket watch from the box.

"Y/N," Jake said softly.

You looked up at him with tears in your eyes, "I always wanted this," You ran your hand over the engraved hummingbird on the gold casing, "It was from my grandfather's jewelry store and it quit working. My dad said he was going to get it fixed and give it to me as a wedding gift, but he lost it. . . I-I don't know-"

"Well, does it work?" Jake asked.

You swallowed, opening the face of the watch open. To your surprise, it did work. The second hand ticked around in perfect time as the watch seemed to already be set to the correct time. The beautiful watch had a colorful humming bird painted onto the face in the middle of the black Roman numeral numbers, and gold watch hands.

"It's perf- oh, c'mon," You cursed, as the watch stopped ticking. You tapped the glass face a couple of times, trying to maybe, just maybe get it up and ticking, "C'mon! You just. . . worked! C'mon!"

"Baby," Jake spoke, gently placing his hand on your wrist.

"No! It has to work! It has to!"

"Baby, it's okay," Jake assured you, "It's o-"

"Nothing is okay!" You snapped, looking up at him as the tears had finally escaped your eyes, "Nothing about any of this is okay!" You pushed yourself up from the porch swing, rushing to the edge of the patio and throwing the watching across the yard with a scream. Jake closed his eyes as loud sobs escaped from your lugs, as the grief had finally seemed to rush to you.

He stood up from the porch swing and enveloped you in his arms. You sagged against him, feeling his arms tighten around you to be able to hold you up. Jake hushed you, placing a hand on the back of your head, and his chin on the top.

"Let it out, baby," Jake encouraged you, running a hand over your hair, "Let it all out, baby."

You weren't sure how long you stood there in Jake's arms and cried, but he eventually picked you up, after feeling your legs grow weak. He carried you through the house, to your shared bedroom, sitting you down gently on the bed. You didn't even need to tell him what to do as he moved through the bedroom with familiarity, grabbing you nightgown, taking you out of your dress, washing the make-up from your face and applying your moisturizer.

"What do you need from me, baby?" Jake asked, as he kneeled in front of you, sliding your socks on your feet.

"I don't know," Your voice was raspy as you looked at him confused, "I've never. . . I've never felt-"

"I know," Jake nodded his head, "I know you haven't, and it can be scary the first time you just. . . lose it all." Jake could remember the first time he had ever broken down like you had. It was terrifying as he cried and destroyed the things around him. It felt like it was never going to end as one thing after another had set him off, until he was on the ground in the fetal position, withering, "But it will all be okay. I'm here to help you. Let me help you."

You nodded your head, tears springing to your eyes again. Jake cooed, and pulled you into his arms again as the tears fell down your cheeks.

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characteranalyst · 1 year

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Phayu Character Analysis : The Man With a Borrowed Halo and One Foot in Hell

“My brother is far from simple, you’ll get burned if you don’t know how to play with fire” - Saifah

Gather round LITA obsessed children for an in depth analysis of our resident Daddy Dom Brat Tamer Phayu who Christian Grey wished he was and tried to be. You either hate him, love him, want to be him or all of the above.

I know PhayuRain’s arc seems like on the surface just a fluffy little romance with no need for lengthy think pieces. But I’m obsessed with their dynamic and I could not let the hyper-fixation pass before doing a character analysis. Phayu haunts the periphery of dreams and I am hoping that this analysis will help me exorcise this beautiful spectre so I can finally know peace.

As much as I would genuinely love to crack open his skull and unspool all of his thoughts and motivations I cannot do that. So disclaimer obviously this will just be conjecture and my opinion and I am going to try and stick as closely as possible to canon and refrain from falling into head canon territory.

I have read Love Storm but I’m only going to be referencing how Phayu behaves in the series because I prefer that version of him. Also this is going to be a very LONGGGG post. I have many thoughts on this man. Feel free to skim through or save it to read for some other time.

I am mainly going to be speaking about the main character traits that I have observed from him and how he relates to the rest of the characters in the series. I think I am going to make a separate analysis of his dynamic with Rain because going in depth with that would be too much for me to mention here.

Alright let’s get into it.

(1) EARLY CHILDHOOD AND YOUNG ADULTHOOD

We are given little to no information on his childhood and or young adulthood. What we do know is that his parents left him and Saifah an incredible house and the luxury garage so we can assume that they weren’t strapped for cash.

Him and Saifah seem like two relatively well adjusted young men so I guess we can assume that there was little to no childhood trauma. In episode 6 during their pillow talk Phayu tells Rain that his parents are off living in Korat and enjoying their lives, I’m assuming. So I guess they’re not divorced. So he has no ‘separated parents’ trauma to deal with.

The only thing that gives us a little insight into how his childhood affected who he became as a person was when he told Rain the story of how his mother always used to argue with his father about how he could fix bikes beautifully but he could not build a house for them.

So Phayu decided that he was going to ensure that he was able to fulfil both by becoming a mechanic and an architect. I think from this we can conclude that Phayu is an overachiever and this displays his seemingly constant need to be perfect and the best.

I think this may also come from a child’s instinctual need to please their caretakers and make them proud. Phayu also seems like someone who has had a Type A personality from birth. In contrast to Saifah who seems like a little more laid back more go with the flow type.

From this little snippet of information we can also assume that his affinity for being a mechanic was either inherited from his father or taught to him and Saifah.

In conclusion it’s safe to say that Phayu does not really seem to have any trauma to speak of, he's just kinky. I like the fact he doesn’t have any heavy trauma or unsavoury character traits (well I take this back he’s a little pushy and manipulative) he needs to get over. There is beauty in this simplicity where as a result, the majority of the narrative is focused on Phayu Rain falling in love with each other.

(2) PHAYU AND HIS AIR OF MYSTERY (DR JEYKLL AND MR HYDE)

One thing that stood out to me when we as an audience were introduced to Phayu was his air of mystery. Everyone knows of him of course because he has been knighted as the God of the faculty of architecture. But we see quickly that very few people actually know him personally. We can see how this fact plays out in the series through the following examples:

Pun says that she has no idea what kind of business Phayu runs but it's ok because she likes a man with a little mystery. (Episode 1)

Phayu refuses to tell Rain what he likes to eat on their first date because he says that Rain has to know him a lot longer before he can ‘snoop for information’ as he puts it. (Episode 3)

Phayu shares only a little information about his life with his senior Mhok before abruptly cutting the conversation short so as to not reveal too much information about his personal life. (Episode 4)

Phayu only reveals deep information about himself and his parents and childhood to Rain after their second time during pillow talk. (Episode 6)

He also doesn’t really seem to have close friends except for Prapai and Saifah. I don’t really think Saifah counts because he’s more of an unwilling captive because they have to share everything that their parents left them. I really don’t think they would even be friends if they weren’t brothers honestly because of their differing personalities.

I think this ability to guard what he reveals to people helps maintain his mystique. There needs to be a certain level of distance and holding people at arm’s length that needs to take place in order for people to project their fantasies onto him and build him up as some sort of God among men.

I think the reason people idolise Phayu and like him so much is because they like the idea of him rather than the reality of him. I think if more people knew who he actually was in reality, they would be put off by how intense he is.

Rain seems like the only person who had become disillusioned with the idea of Phayu. After the debacle in Episode 1 he sees Phayu not as his ‘cool handsome big bike bro” but as a pushy piece of shit bastard that tried to assault him. I also think some of his anger towards Phayu had to do with him being confused by his feelings for him; creating a cocktail of confusion for poor Rain to sort out. So he was able to view Phayu as a person and not place him on a pedestal like other people do.

I think this is what PhayuRain’s relationship needed to flourish as well because Phayu needs someone who is able to challenge him. We are well aware of how much he loves brats. The worshipful gaze of Som and Pun would not be satisfactory for him because they had him on a pedestal and were blinded by their idea of him so they would readily submit to him without much push back.

He needed someone with a backbone who could engage in a sort of push and pull relationship with him and our adorable little firecracker Rain was the perfect match. Phayu has people falling at his feet daily; he was in need of much more excitement than that.

Like the story of the titular character Dr.Jekyll a well-respected scientist who used his alter ego Mr.Hyde to delve into the darker side of science without repentance or taking responsibility; Phayu has that same sort of duality. I think Phayu keeps his kinky side under wraps and he’s very careful about whom he shows that part of himself to. Presumably only his lovers or potential lovers get to see his ‘bad side’.

So his DR JEKYLL would be, so to speak,the Phayu that is seen as a smart, capable, polite, helpful and well-adjusted young man, loved by all and sought after by many. This is the Phayu that would leave a random stranger his set square with an encouraging message about his future in architecture.

On the flip side his MR HYDE would be Dom Daddy Brat Tamer Phayu with a penchant for sadism and degradation.

At the end of the day both sides come together to make up who Phayu is as a person and there is nothing inherently wrong with his Mr. Hyde as long as he is able to channel it and engage with it safely with willing participants. Fortunately for him, he has Rain for that.

(3) WONKY MORAL COMPASS BUT STRINGENT PERSONAL RULES

I really had a hard time dissecting this part. But I have come to the conclusion that Phayu deserves to be labelled as a morally grey or morally ambiguous person. I really have a soft spot for morally grey characters in media or literature.

It makes the narrative far more interesting to follow. In real life however I would run in the opposite direction and call the police. But this isn’t supposed to be real, it's supposed to be a fantasy so I’m not going to go too much in depth about Phayu’s moral failings. This show doesn’t take itself too seriously so I’m not going to either.

Phayu is not a ‘nice’ person plain and simple and he knows it, contrary to Pun’s expository gushing in the first episode of the show when she refers to him as “super-duper nice”. After the spanking incident in Episode 2 (which was wild now that I think of it) where Rain declares that he is going to make him fall in love with him he says to himself;

“You’re going to make me fall in love with you but do you know what kind of man I am.”

I think Phayu says this because he knows himself thoroughly the good, the bad and the ugly. Phayu has overcome himself. He has recognized all his shortcomings, all his base desires, all his lowliness, all the self-imposed restraints he places upon himself and overcome them.

Phayu also strikes me as someone who has engaged with his shadow self and explored the parts of his psyche that most of us would repress and compartmentalise because we are too ashamed of our darkness to engage with it.

He has looked his darkness in the face and come to terms with it. That is why he says, "Do you know what kind of man I am?", because he understands people’s perception of him lies in stark contrast to his unsavoury character traits.

I also think his dabbling in BDSM has given him the room and space to conduct such exploration of himself in a safe, sane and consensual way. I think the nature of BDSM can afford people an outlet to engage with their own darkness and sort through it so that it doesn’t manifest in their life in other ways.

In Episode 1 we see where Prapai likens him to the devil (jokingly) but under every joke there is definitely some truth. If Prapai is calling him that it must be the truth because as we know Prapai looks like his only close friend.

We can assume that Prapai is incredibly familiar with Phayu’s Mr. Hyde as we can presume that they know each other very well so his assessment of dubbing Phayu as a devil must be accurate.

Also head canon (I know I said I was going to refrain from going into head canon territory but please indulge me a bit) I’m sure they’ve fucked before in a bro-ish kind of way. I mean their both hot and bi and Prapai’s a sub in top’s clothing (I know Dom/sub and top/bottom are two separate things just enjoy the joke you know what I mean) so it’s not far fetched to think they would have at some time fucked around a bit.

Although I know Phayu is hardly the correct type of Dom for Prapai’s specific brand of subbiness. The point is I think that Prapai would be privy to Phayu’s true nature and how much of a little shit he can be when he isn’t using his powers for good.

In Episode 5 Saifah, the only other person we see having a close relationship with Phayu refers to him as a Devil as well.

I just know these two have witnessed some shit over the years of knowing Phayu that warranted him being referred to as a Devil.

Discussing Phayu’s moral code is very weird because it’s obvious that he doesn’t really adhere to a normal set of rules. We can assume he’s not particularly religious because it wasn’t mentioned.

I think Phayu is very domineering and kind of manipulative but at the same time he commands an air of respect. He is not necessarily what you would expect from someone who is so widely lauded as an exemplary person.

What also struck me about Phayu was the fact although his moral code seems a little flexible he has a few hard and fast non-negotiable rules that may seem arbitrary to someone like Rain but to him it may as well be gospel.

One of these rules in the show is seen where we see he has a big thing for respect. We see an example of this when he calls Rain after he picks up his car from the garage and he tells Rain that only ill-mannered boys don’t greet the owner of the house when they stop by. He also ends the call by telling Rain to be respectful. We also see his thing for rules when he tells Rain that he doesn’t like ill-mannered boys and that he should address him as P’Phayu emphasising the use of honorifics.

Phayu is also a man of his word in Episode 7 when Rain tells Phayu that he will unleash his wrath on him if he ever cheats on him. Phayu just laughs and says he will never let Rain down. He holds true to this in the Special Episode when Rain accuses him of cheating on him with Natsu he utters the same sentiment that he promised to never let Rain down. This man looked absolutely horrified at the accusation like he wouldn’t even dream of it.

I think his strict adherence to rules other than him being a Dom could also be influenced by his exposure and affiliation with the likes of P’Pakin and P’Chai. He knows that there will be dire consequences if the rules aren’t strictly adhered to. This is why he curses Stop for mentioning the race in public and he reprimands Rain for thoughtlessly wandering into the illegal street race without permission to be there.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

He’s so stringent about ensuring that Rain is polite and respectful but he thinks it’s perfectly fine to tamper with Rain’s car so that he would have an excuse to be his knight in shining armour and save him so they could hook up. The math is not mathing at all. I know he’s an experienced mechanic and he wouldn’t have tampered with anything that would have led Rain getting in an accident and getting injured but still. WEIRD BEHAVIOUR KHUN PHAYU!!!!!! Also don’t even get me started on him using the debt of fixing Rain’s car as some weird way to stalk him??? RED FLAGGGGGG!! His methods of courtship definitely need some fine tuning.

In conclusion his contradictory moral code gives me whiplash trying to figure out where on the scale from angel to devil I should place him. But I think he’s just human. No one is all good and all bad and I think that Mame writes very human raw characters that make you feel something. I’ll give credit where credit is due.

(4) AN EERIE LEVEL OF SELF CONTROL AND THE PATIENCE OF A SAINT

This man probably never has New Year’s Resolutions because he’s already operating at optimal condition. Phayu is portrayed to be quite literally always in control. The only time he looks undone is after THAT SCENE in Episode 6.

We see this self-control manifest in the way he makes love to Rain in a very formulaic, worshipful and almost performative manner. Gently throwing Rain’s head back, holding his hands down and caging his body. Rain responds in kind to his dominance by always baring his throat in submission and allowing his body to go lax under Phayu’s ministrations.

It’s so gentle but he’s still being dominant and in control. While Rain always looks halfway between heaven and earth during these scenes Phayu always seems wholly present and tethered to earth (like a good Dom should be) creating a space in which his precious sub can feel safe enough to fly out of this stratosphere.

The subtlety with which he maintains control makes me absolutely feral. There is hardly any jostling or manhandling but it’s still forceful. I think a great example of the subtlety of how Phayu displays his dominance can be seen in the PhayuRain make-out scene in Episode 5.

The natural way he cages Rain’s neck to control the flow of the kiss.

The way he stop kissing Rain when Rain tries to lead and he put a finger to his lips in a way that almost screams “Relax I’m in charge here.”

Unlike our donut firecracker Rain (my sweet boy) that was ready to scrap at the first sign of disrespect, Phayu seems like he is not one to resort to violence if they could sort it out by just talking and coming to an amicable solution.

We can see an example of this where Phayu refused to be baited by Stop into fighting with him even though Stop was about to punch him at the night racing circuit in the beginning of Episode 6.

Also before the race between him and Stop where Stop was trying to rile him up. He was able to remain level headed while Stop immediately lost his cool and tried to fight him once again when Phayu insulted him.

I’m assuming this self-control is more nature than nurture. It seems like he is the type to have always been calm and self-contained. He doesn’t need to bark loudly because his competence and self-assuredness speaks volumes.

He quite literally doesn’t yell often he just uses that husky dom voice. The only time he ever really raised his voice was when he was shouting at Rain in Episode 2 when he was worried that he could have gotten killed for sneaking into the illegal street circuit race.

The thing about dominance and control that I think people like Stop with fragile egos get wrong is that they think it comes from a place of aggression, peacocking and forcing people to bow to your will. This is however not the sort of dominance that will truly gain you respect and have people willingly obey you.

Phayu’s dominance and control comes from a place of nurturing and caring and people only defer to him and his authority because he has proven time and time again that he is capable of shouldering the responsibility of what this control entails and he has consequently gained their respect because of it.

(5) PRIDE GOES BEFORE A FALL

No matter how level headed he is and self-control he possesses he’s still a man and he has been socialised to exist as a man. So he’s not above engaging in a motorcycle race with an asshole like Stop to prove a point and because of his pride.

I like how this moment humanised Phayu and showed how no matter how above petty human emotions he seems, he’s still liable to fall victim to making decisions based on ego.

However, I like that he was self-aware enough to realise that he was indeed only participating in this race because of his pride because he says to Rain when he tries to stop him some things just don’t have an explanation.

We can contrast him racing Stop because of his pride and him kneeling before Stop and crawling to save Rain from being hurt. Although he has an ego he was more than willing to put pride aside to ensure Rain’s safety.

(SIDENOTE- I died watching the kidnapping ordeal in episode 7 that shit was so unserious. The picture of Rain that Stop sent Phayu lives in my head rent free and I cackle from time to time because of it.)

(6) “P’PHAYU LHOR MAKKKKK!” – Pun (PRETTY PRIVILEGE AND THE HALO EFFECT)

Physical appearance is often a major part of the halo effect. People who are considered attractive tend to be rated higher as possessing positive traits in contrast to people who aren’t considered conventionally attractive.

I think beauty can be blinding and make people more willing to overlook people’s misgivings. As the halo effect states people are more likely to project good qualities on to people they deem to be conventionally attractive.

As I said when I was addressing his air of mystery; because people are so predisposed to projecting all these good qualities on Phayu the distance and the space that he creates between him and other people can be filled with these projections and good qualities so that they build him up in their minds as this amazing person.

This man radiates and secretes ungodly amounts of sex appeal without trying. So I think his general attractiveness is one of the reasons as well why Rain had a hard time getting people to believe that Phayu was a pushy manipulative little asshole in the beginning.

Do I think Phayu would have commanded the same level of respect that he does without also being pretty? I don’t know to be honest. I do however think Phayu is an unintentional cautionary tale about the dangers of projecting good qualities on someone just because they’re attractive and being blind to their faults.

(7) SELF ASSURED, CONFIDENT AND CHARMING – CONCEITED?

I mean I’d be that confident too if I was rich, handsome, talented, smart ANDDDDD could fuck like a porn star but I digress. Very much a quiet confidence to him as was elaborated on when I spoke about the air of mystery. He is evidently very capable and consequently people rely on him and I think his self- assuredness comes from the fact that he can back up his claims because he has every right to be self-centred.

Without mincing words this man is very conceited. However although he is conceited he doesn’t lack empathy and he doesn’t seem too self-involved as evidenced by the way he ensures that he takes care of the people he cares about.

(8) PHAYU THE COMPULSIVE CARETAKER, CONCEITED BUT NOT SELF-INVOLVED

We see in Episode 4 how Phayu puts Rain’s needs before his by ensuring that Rain focuses on his school work and ensures that his development and advancement as a person comes before pursuing a romantic relationship with Phayu.

He ensures that Rain understands how slacking on his work in pursuance of other things will affect his work life and he lectures him while still comforting him after. I really liked this scene in Episode 3 because Phayu is able to help Rain because he’s older and more experienced and he’s gone through it before. I also like the fact that there isn’t a hint of condescension in his voice, just concern and wanting to ensure that Rain becomes the best version of himself.

Phayu shows how much he cares about Rain and is invested in making Rain a priority in his life in so many little ways. We can see in Episode 5 how Phayu leaves an important meeting to answer Rain’s text messages. Also in Episode 4 When Rain finishes his project early after an all-nighter and instead of sleeping he goes straight to Phayu. Phayu ensures that there is reciprocity in their relationship by saying that you missed out on sleep to come see me, so I'm going to hurry up and finish my work so we can hang out.

He makes an effort to help Rain finish his models like he promised to do in his speech in Episode 5. Also in Episode 4 he apologises to Rain for his phone dying and for making him wait for him in the rain. In Episode 6 after he almost gets in a fight with Stop the first thing he does is ask Rain if he’s alright even though he was the one that almost had a brawl with Stop.

I think we really see throughout the show how the way Phayu interacts with Rain takes on a sort of paternalistic tinge. The title of Daddy is incredibly fitting and I really just think this is him being a good Dom.

That’s why I think this is the reason Phayu looks so touched and taken aback when Rain and him first meet and he holds the umbrella for Phayu while he’s changing his tire. Phayu’s so used to being relied on and being assumed to be competent and well put together. He’s used to giving without expecting anything in return. So when Rain does this small act of kindness in an effort to repay this Good Samaritan, Phayu becomes fascinated with him.

(9) ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS B.R. (Before Rain)

Was he possibly a whore? Not as much of a whore as Prapai but he has definitely spun the block. Whereas our beloved service top Prapai has built a gated community in which he resides on said block. Phayu had a condom stashed under that toy car so we know he was getting some action.

He was probably not a whore whore because as he said to Rain in the bathroom scene:

We all know why he’s particular. I don’t think he would have been able to find a lot of people willing to put up with his domineering attitude and controlling nature long term if they didn’t have that sort of kink no matter how insanely hot he is.

But there were definitely others before Rain if we can take cues from the offhanded comments of the other characters in the series. Saifah tells Rain in Episode 3 when he’s waiting for Phayu that there were others before him. Was it a lot of others though? The world may never know.

Saifah comments on the fact that Phayu has been single for a long time and Saifah tells him if he wants to be happy like him he should get in a serious relationship. So we can assume that long term romantic relationships for Phayu have more than likely been few and far between. He probably was not celibate though as we see how he was going to have a one night stand with Rain.

We see Saifah saying that he feels bad for whoever is making Phayu smile like that and how he warns him not to be too mean to Rain because he will run away. We can assume that others have been perturbed by how intense Phayu was in the past and they have run off.

I’m sure Saifah knows Phayu very well and even if he isn’t aware of the details of his kinkiness he knows Phayu has a thing about control and a mean streak. At least that’s what Saifah computes it as in his vanilla mind. I’m sure this poor man has heard and seen way too much. JUSTICE FOR SAIFAHH!!!!!!

Lastly before they get together Phayu constantly tests Rain to see if he can handle what a long term relationship with him would look like. I’m sure this comes from things not working out in the past and Phayu wanting to ensure that Rain can handle him.

We can see that Phayu may have abandonment issues from things not working out in the past with his romantic pursuits when in Episode 5 he’s scared and panicked and sad when Rain runs away after they have sex for the first time. I have three theories about this:

(1) He didn’t want to lose Rain because he’s a unicorn and he may never have hope of finding someone so perfect for him again.

(2) He was abandoned before because he was too much and overbearing and it triggered him.

(3) He’s big on communication and he feels slighted that Rain ran away before they could discuss how their relationship would develop after they had sex for the first time.

It could have quite possibly been a combination of all of the above. Phayu seems like the type to be fully invested in a long term relationship and he seems like someone who loves deeply so I think him testing Rain was him just trying to ensure that Rain was worth the investment before he got too attached.

(10) PHAYU THE SCULPTOR ; HIS OBSESSION WITH POTENTIAL AND MOULDING THINGS TO HIS LIKING

“Rain before you design a house you need to design your life first”- Phayu

I get the impression that Phayu’s view on life is that everything can be curated and tailored to his liking if he tries hard enough. He’s definitely not a go with the flow kind of person. Every single move he makes is intentional. Looking at his two professions being an architect and his side of job of being a mechanic; these are two things that require moulding, precision.

Architects are able to create and design and bring their vision to life and make it tangible. It’s a very creative profession with the added bonus of having something you designed realised in real life.

Also mechanics are constantly tinkering with engines and in control of powerful machinery. Whether they work on maintenance, diagnostics, or repairs, they have to perform those tasks with exacting detail. That is because this careful work on important vehicle components could save someone’s life.

This speaks to Phayu’s pedantic nature with the added element of not wanting to deal with the consequences of disappointing Pakin. These machines are kind of like a puzzle to be solved.

But the catch is those things aren’t really his and they don’t truly belong to him.

In Episode 3 we can infer that sometimes clients may criticize his designs and he has to mould it to their liking instead of relying on his own vision.

In Episode 1 Prapai tells him your babies are so beautiful (referring to the motorcycles) but Phayu corrects him and says that they don’t belong to him.

But I think that although he doesn’t own these things and that he may be required to tailor the design of a house to someone else’s liking still these tasks scratch his itch for moulding and creating.

Then *enter stage left* a wild Rain appears, a blank canvas unmarred by past sexual or romantic experience. He has no expectations and no idea how anything works so he’s able to become a sort of pliable clay that Phayu can use his deft fingers to mold to his liking consequently making Rain his.

We can are shown how their relationship is mutually beneficial and how it works for them. Different folks have different strokes.

The glint in his eyes and the way Phayu all but shivers in excitement every time Rain tells him he can’t do something.

Episode 4 – "I’ll teach you"

Episode 6- "I'll train you to be the best rider"

In the infamous Daddy scene in the special episode he says "When I teach I teach to the core"

It’s not explicitly stated but I’m sure this man got off constantly at the fact that he was Rain’s first everything when it came to sex and romance and he is constantly in charge of moulding him.

We can definitely see how much of a diligent student and quick learner Rain is and how Phayu is consequently able to enjoy the fruits of his labour. (SIDE NOTE: I’m sure Phayu wasn’t prepared for the monster he created in Rain.)

I love the reciprocity in their relationship as Phayu shows Rain just how desired he is and worships him constantly.

(11) WHY HE WAS DEFINITELY A KID WHO HATED SHARING HIS TOYS

Phayu strikes me as a man who knows exactly what he wants and how to obtain it and when he finds it he will hold on to it and never let it go. We are given countless examples of Phayu’s blatant possessiveness over Rain once they begin their unorthodox courtship.

When after their first time Phayu says to Rain that he must repeat the phrase “Rain belongs to P’Phayu.”back to him.

This man heard that Pun was in Rain’s general vicinity and immediately drove to him to stake his claim. Also when he admits to being “insanely jealous” of Pun ever since he heard that Rain used to have a romantic interest in her.

He removes Saifah’s hand from Rain’s shoulder in Episode 4 and tells him to get back to work after Saifah suggests that he could teach Rain how to ride a super bike.

I do think this possessiveness is also in part because Phayu realises how much of a rare find Rain is and he will do everything in his power to ensure that they stay together forever. I also think in contrast, Rain’s possessiveness has more to do with him constantly having to fight off potential suitors because everyone is in love with Phayu (well the idea of him).

I appreciate however that his possessiveness isn’t portrayed as particularly toxic because in episode 5 when Phayu is having lunch with Sky and Rain and Rain tells Sky he loves him after he told him that Phayu and him were dating.

Instead of getting unreasonable jealous of Rain and Sky’s obviously platonic relationship, Phayu simply says that he has no reason to be jealous because he knows that Sky and Rain are just friends.

I think if they ever decided on venturing out and engaging in a threesome it would 100% be Rain’s idea in order to satiate his own curiosity. Phayu would go along with it (ever indulgent of his sweet boy) but he would probably have to be in control the entire time while simultaneously barking orders at the third party about how to pleasure Rain properly.

(12) THE SADISTIC LITTLE SHIT (AFFECTIONATE) AND HIS “DEK NGO” "DEK NARAK"

I know PhayuRain and their kink list is longer than the elevator ride to hell but I’m going to focus on what in my opinion is Phayu’s poison of choice. That is sadism and degradation.

More specifically emotional and psychological sadism mostly. I don’t think he’s particularly opposed to physical sadism though. In the special episode he said he punished Rain until he was sore but Rain liked it. Although this is vague and he could have been sore for different reasons we see in Episode 2 when Phayu is berating Rain for breaking into the illegal race that isn’t above spanking Rain.

I don’t really know for sure if Rain is a masochist though I think he is definitely willing to try things with Phayu but he didn’t really seem to enjoy the spanking but I guess that was mostly because they didn’t know each other that well.

So I think while Phayu is mainly an emotional sadist and he prefers it he partakes in physical sadism with Rain because I think Rain would prefer that more based on his personality. This is mainly because of his obvious praise kink.

(CC: Rain’s blissed out expression when Phayu whispered “keng mak” i.e. “Good job” in his ear in the bathroom stall scene after Rain had followed his instructions.)

So the degradation that comes along with emotional sadism may not be Rain’s cup of tea.

After the incident in Episode 3 where Phayu told Rain to change ‘ngo’ to ‘narak’ ; I think he realised how insecure Rain was about being called stupid and that this was a hard limit for Rain. We can see as the story progress after this incident where Phayu either calls him “naughty boy” or some version of good boy.

I do think that this is an example of how Phayu is willing to tailor and transform his kinks and compromise to ensure that Rain is comfortable. He realised that Rain responds far better to praise and made the necessary adjustments.

We also see Phayu’s penchant for degradation and humiliation in Episode 3 where he buys Rain extra small underwear. Although they were the correct size for Rain, Phayu had to throw in a little dick size shaming for his own amusement. The smug little smile after he riles Rain up about this speaks for itself.

However I wanted to fight him when he made my baby Rain cry in episode 5 after he made Rain think that he didn’t want to be with him anymore. Although I kind of feel like this was sort of more punishment for the fact that Rain ran off after their first time in Episode 4 and made him worry. I guess it’s safe to add dacryphilia to their long ass kink list. Phayu you sadistic little shit.

If we also listen to the words of Phayu in his little speech before they make out in episode 5, I swear the only thing missing from this was Phayu getting down on one knee and proposing to Rain.

He says:

We can see that he enjoys this and gets off on being the one to tease and degrade Rain. He knows Rain’s limits and he ensures that he follows up any degradation with praise as a salve to any open wounds he’s caused with his words. I think Rain eventually adapts to this part of Phayu however because in Episode 7 he tells Phayu that he is willing to let Phayu tease him forever.

I love how they are both willing to adapt and compromise to better serve each other’s needs. Phayu constantly keeps Rain off kilter constantly guessing, constantly teasing him but at the same time he ensures that Rain understands that Phayu loves him and he is valued.

Phayu is constantly and reflexively adjusting himself to meet Rain's needs from moment to moment and I applaud him for it. Good job Daddy you get a gold star for all your hard work.

(13) PHAYU THE INVENTOR OF HEALTHY COMMUNICATION

This definitely has to be one of my favourite things about Phayu. I’m sure Rain isn’t the first person Phayu has attempted to have some sort of D/s relationship with and at the core of this is communication, consent and boundaries.

D/s relationships especially 24/7 ones involve copious amounts of consent and negotiation and communication but I know that the show couldn’t necessarily explicitly address the fact that they are in a 24/7 D/s relationship so we don’t get any sit down moments where Phayu and Rain discuss it blatantly. However I would assume that at some point Phayu sat Rain down and explained to him what their dynamic is and what was expected of him.

We definitely see how much Phayu values communication in the Special Episode when Rain misreads a situation. Where he sees Phayu talking to Natsu on the couch in Phayu’s home. I mean to be fair sparks were flying between them. I don’t know if that was just a Boss thing because good God this man can generate sexual tension with a wall. (Went off on a tangent there moving on back to communication.)

I think that Phayu understands that Rain has a sort of inferiority complex that is made worse by people being constantly baffled as to how Rain ended up with a guy like Phayu. Rain also most likely due to immaturity and lack of life experience has a problem with communication and conflict resolution.

Phayu has to drag the confession out of Rain about why he’s upset with him. We see where this man has quite literally done nothing wrong yet still he gets on his knees to apologise and tries to make it up to Rain.

I love that Phayu possesses the maturity to never allow misunderstandings to remain unaddressed and fester. Although Rain may lack the maturity to speak up and directly tell Phayu what is bothering him in any given situation, Phayu ensures that they talk it out so that their conflicts do not go unresolved and that resentment does not have the opportunity to set in.

(14) PHAYU SEX & SEXUALITY

Phayu is an unapologetically shameless and sexual person. This comfortability in his sexuality and his lack of preoccupation with other people's opinion of him allows him to exude a calm self assurance and striking sex appeal subconsciously.

This comfortability with his own sexuality was displayed many times throughout the series. In Episode 3 when that are at the porridge shop and Phayu goads Rain into being unashamed of the fact that they were in public and on a date with each other.

In Episode 5 after Rain told Sky that he was dating Phayu he said he was happy that Rain told his best friend about them because he understands that he would be apprehensive in case Sky would start to see him differently. I like that he lets Rain come out on his own time and he doesn’t rush him. Lastly in Episode 6 Phayu proudly introduces Rain as his boyfriend to P’ Chai at the street race.

Phayu is a readymade character who has presumably gone through the stage in his life where he would have explored his sexuality and unusual proclivities and has come to the point of acceptance. I think that is why he is portrayed as someone who knows exactly what he likes and enjoys and is unashamed of it.

This is why he seems to be such a safe place for Rain to explore the full spectrum of his own sexuality. There is never any judgement in Phayu's eyes when they uncover another one of Rain’s off the walls kinks. We just see at most a sort of mild amusement and an instant willingness to acquiesce and indulge Rain.

Phayu being out and proud made Rain feel like it was ok to have these feelings so his apprehension about identifying as such quickly dissipated.He’s constantly willing to teach, indulge and hold Rain’s hand through this journey and I just think that’s so neat.

Everyone deserves to have a safe place like Phayu when dipping their toes in and navigating the troubled unpredictable waters of sex and sexuality especially when coming to terms with their own queerness.

WHAT IS PHAYU’S MAIN MOTIVATION THAT UNDERSCORES EVERYTHING SINGLE ACTION THAT HE TAKES?

The simple answer to this is control. This is important because I don’t see Phayu as someone who particularly chases after power but control? Yes most definitely.Power is the ability to make something happen. Control is the ability to make something happen the way you want. We are all created differently but Phayu needs control at all times in the same way we need oxygen to survive. It’s just the way his wires were crossed.

Phayu could have easily just admitted to Rain on their first meeting that he remembered him and he could have left it to chance how their encounter would have gone. He could have also gone through the Prapaiesque route and just pursued Rain himself.

But he was different; he made sure that he was in control of their dynamic from the very beginning. The aforementioned options left far too many variables that could have thrown a wrench in Phayu’s end game which was getting Rain.

He even somehow managed to get Rain to pursue him and have him think that it was his idea. Even though he was the one who liked Rain from the very beginning.

This desperate all-consuming need to be in control at all times is tempered by Phayu’s ability to adequately shoulder the responsibility that comes with that control. Everything he does is calculated. There is always an end goal. Consequently he thrives and is most content when he has someone like Rain to be in charge of in a sense.

The contentment and ease that seems to overtake Phayu when he and Rain are in an established relationship is a sight to see. He’s no longer untethered; he's firm and grounded.

CHARACTER’S RELATIONSHIP TO THE PLOT

There isn’t too much angst and the denouement/final conflict just concerns external factors and has nothing to do with Phayu Rain’s romantic relationship

The plot is just romance; from the meet cute in the rain to the established relationship. I love how we just felt like we were along for the ride to watch two men fall irrevocably in love with each other and fit together perfectly like puzzle pieces.

CHARACTER’S GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT THROUGHOUT THE SERIES

I’m going to be honest I don’t think there was much life altering character growth with Phayu. When we meet Phayu he seems like a fully fleshed out character who knows what he wants and isn’t ashamed of his proclivities and sexuality so there is no room to explore there or for any consequent development. Phayu is a static character with no change in behaviour, and his values and attitudes remain pretty consistent throughout the entirety of the text and the series.

I don’t think I’m getting over PhayuRain anytime soon. If you got all the way to the end I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. Let me know if you guys have anything to add. The plot as well as the characters in this show were a far cry from perfect but I keep coming back to it so they must have done something right.

#phayurain #phayu lita #love in the air the series #boss chaikamon #phayu #payurain #noeul nuttarat #phayu love in the air #rain lita #phayu x rain #I’m obsessed with this man #it’s very unhealthy #makes constant grabby hands at his gender #Phayu’s my ideal gender presentation #he’s chaos incarnate and I just want to keep him in my pocket

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f1bordeaux · 9 months

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Landslide | cs55

"Even children get older, And I'm getting older too" Life moves on, pretty quickly at that. Your last night with Carlos is one that you'll both remember forever. Even years later when he fulfills his biggest wishes. Warnings: Suggestive content, heated make out sesh lol, sadness, happy/unhappy ending? Mostly unhappy Pairings: Carlos Sainz x Reader(y/n) Word Count: 4.2k Poetry style | Story style A/n: I LOVEEEEEE Landslide by fleetwood mac and the way this song hits you when you're about to move out-UGGHHHHHH I wrote the first half of this then went out, got drunk as fuck, woke up and wrote the rest of it with a hangover, so forgive me if there are any errors. Anyways, enjoy this internal dread i'm feeling turned into a FanFic. Growing up is so weird, isn't it?

I took my love, I took it down I climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills 'Til the landslide brought me down

2012.

“¡Sainz joder!” He turned around to look, a smile splitting his lips. Antonio had a frying pan in his hand as the two of you ran through his kitchen. Carlos’ hand squeezed yours with so much force that you wondered if it would bruise. It didn’t hurt, though. In that moment, nothing mattered but that damn smile that Carlos carried. “¡Anda, anda!”

Finally, you reached the back door of the kitchen. Carlos used his whole body to push it open, hoping that nobody would be on the other side. Luckily, the alleyway was empty, save for an employee sitting on a bucket smoking a cigarette. Carlos kept running and you had no choice but to keep up-your hands were still intertwined after all.

Antonio ran out the door, stopping as he watched you two make your grand get away. “Bastard! I ought to tell your father! And your father too, young lady!”

It was the same threat he used every time you and Carlos cut through his kitchen. I’m going to tell your fathers that you two are devious children! He’d say. He never did, though. Antonio was a friend to both yours and Carlos’ parents. He could if he wanted to, but he didn’t. For over ten years, you and Carlos would walk into his restaurant-situated on a busy Madrid street-and slowly sneak your way into the kitchen. Sometimes, when he wasn’t there, the waiters and cooks would just let you freely pass. But, more often than not, he was there and it suddenly became an obstacle course of running past cooks, dodging frying pans and slipping between shelves. It was worth it, however. A small, secret alleyway that was blocked off by a fence from the main road laid on the other side of the restaurant.

On the left-the building that Antonio’s restaurant was in-was a fire escape. It spanned up ten stories to an abandoned rooftop bar. Over the years, Carlos would bring small objects up there. Pillows, blankets, a small folding table, a few boxes to keep the stuff safe. He had the place designed to his liking-like it was his house or something. He’d put string lights up there too, giving the space a dreamy, photogenic atmosphere. So many nights were spent underneath the abandoned bar. You’d slept there a handful of times. You’d gotten drunk for the first time there, too. That space was yours and his. It was Carlos and y/n’s spot; everyone knew it.

So, as you and Carlos climbed the fire escape, it was hard to believe this was the last time the two of you would be spending the night up there together. It made you nauseous to think about.

“Try not to look so down.” Carlos chuckled as the two of you kept climbing the stairs. He could read you like a book, obviously he saw how upset you were. “Let's enjoy tonight.”

“Easier said than done, Carlos.” He stopped suddenly, your chest running into his backpack. His hands grabbed your shoulders and he-shook you? “Carlos stop it!”

“Sorry I was just trying to get the idea that I’m leaving you out of your brain.” He said, dropping his hands.

“But you are.” You said, evoking a sigh from him. Before he could apologize-which you knew he was about to do-you shook your head. “Listen, I’m so excited for you, Carlos, but-I don’t know. Life is going to be so different without you in it.”

“I’ll still be in it, mi novia. It’s not like I’m dying.”

“But Carlos, you’d always come home to Madrid after a race. You’d always be back to see me. We would work on school work together. I’d come to your races sometimes.” You sighed, looking at the metal ground beneath you. “But I’ll be in college and you’ll be in the British Formula 3 now. That's a massive step up. And when you do come back to Madrid, I won't be here.”

He didn’t speak, not for a while. The two of you just stood there, in the Spanish heat, looking at the ground. Life would never be the same. He couldn’t say anything to deny that. Tomorrow night, he would be catching a flight to London, and at the same time, you would be catching a flight to the United States. You’d both leave behind Madrid and only ever return as guests to your hometown. Maybe your rooftop hideaway would go untouched. Maybe some new children would find it and claim it as their own. They’d find the boxes that said, Carlito&Muneca, in sharpie and wonder what those names meant. Maybe they’d sort through your things, maybe they’d turn on the string lights and gasp at how beautiful the place looked.

Being eighteen was weird. You didn’t like it too much.

“Let's go, y/n.” Carlos grabbed your hand once again, pulling you up the fire escape. Three more flights awaited you. The sunset had just begun, but the primary color in the sky was still blue. You could still hear car horns from nearby streets. The air was still warm. The two of you were still young. At least for tonight you were.

Once you reached the top Carlos stepped aside, allowing you to take in the scene.

Oh, mirror in the sky What is love?

The spot on the stage where Carlos and you normally sang and danced to his iPod Nano was now completely redecorated. There was a plush blanket, pillows, a pizza box, and those damn string lights you loved were hanging from the roof. A small card was on one of the pillows. It was, of course, addressed to you in Carlos’ fanciest writing.

Anyone would think that this was a romantic gesture. But you two were best friends. Since birth, really. Not a day went by without conversation between the two of you. Carlos was your soulmate. Of course you had crushes on him here and there-he was hot, funny, caring, charming; you could go on and on. But you never acted on it. Keeping him around was better than losing him.

“Carlos,” You cupped your mouth with your hands. It was beautiful. “When did you-Is that pizza from Antonio’s?”

Carlos laughed, amused that the first thing you pointed out was the food. “Yeah,” He said. “He’s pretty sad that he won't see us around town anymore, either.”

Your heart sank. Right. That's why this was all set up-as a final goodbye. In the few moments of excitement and shock that filled your body upon seeing all this, you had forgotten that tonight was it. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Vamos, let's eat.”

That you did. Carlos and you sat at the bar and ate, watching as the sun sank lower and lower over the city skyline. Somewhere along the way, he pulled some liquor out of his backpack. You two drank and talked, reminiscing over everything the last eighteen years had brought. That one time you spent the night at his house and started a small fire in the kitchen-from then on sleepovers were at your house. That one time you two took a day trip to the beach and Carlos’ foot brushed a stingray's back. That one time you were at one of his races and a driver started hitting on you, so Carlos punched him in the jaw and got suspended for three races. That one time a wild hare was in your guest bathroom and your parents weren’t home so you called him over to help and you trapped it in your mother’s favorite cooking pot. That one time he lost a bet and went streaking through his neighborhood in the middle of winter.

The two of you were hunched over in laughter, your abdomens cramping from how hard you were laughing. Carlos wiped a tear away from his eye. “And remember Mrs. Nunez? She saw me that night and sprayed me with her garden hose!”

You sniffled. “Like why was she awake at five am? And why was she gardening?”

“Literally! I was fucking freezing. The scream that came from my mouth after that-”

You both mocked his scream at the same time, laughing even harder as you remembered the old lady’s shocked face from that night. Slowly, you both started calming down, giggling as you remembered the streaking ordeal. Carlos took a sip from his beer. You drank from your rum and Coke. It was darker now, still not pitch black, but darker. You looked up into the sky, watching as clouds rolled by.

“What am I going to do without you?” Carlos asked. You looked back down. He was staring right at you, bringing the beer bottle back up to his plush lips. “Can’t you just quit college and travel with me?”

You scoffed. “And be what? Your trophy bestfriend?”

“Trophy wife?”

You swore that your heart stopped beating. Wife? As in marriage? Obviously he wasn’t being serious, right? Carlos was a playboy. He’d had plenty of girlfriends in his lifetime. From your past observations, you weren’t his type at all. He preferred dolled up girls, ones with fake blonde hair and exquisite makeup. He preferred high heels and short, skin tight dresses. He preferred long nails and longer lashes. Synthetic beauty. You were far from that. When you put on makeup, it was simple. You dolled yourself up, yes, but everything about you was natural. From your hair color to your nail length. You were a natural beauty-something Carlos had never indulged in.

“Very funny,” You smiled as you took another drink.

“What?”

You blinked very slowly at him. “Us getting married? Sure.”

He shrugged. “Why not? You don’t love me?”

“Of course I love you, Carlito.” You tried using his nickname to deescalate the situation. “But you would never marry me.”

“Bold assumption.”

Was he drunk? Or, was he shooting his shot because tonight was it? This was quite possibly his last chance, was he taking it? Was he working you up so you’d miss him more? God, this was confusing. “Carlos-”

Before you could even say another word, he was leaning forward to kiss you. His lips were warm on yours, a side effect of the alcohol you were sure. His lips were so soft, so large, so perfect. They pulled yours in with such ease, such delicacy-almost like you were fine China. His free hand came to your jaw, thumb resting on your cheek.

He pulled away first, much to your surprise. There was about half a beer left in his bottle. He downed it before speaking again. “I’m sorry, y/n. I don’t know why I thought that was ok.”

Your teeth pulled your bottom lip in. You’d just kissed Carlos, something you only ever dreamed about.

Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changin' ocean tides?

You reached out, both palms resting on his cheeks this time, pulling him in for another kiss. Fuck it, you thought. This was a new dynamic between the two of you, but it was one that younger you would be ecstatic about.

This time, there was more hunger behind the kiss. Carlos understood this was something you wanted, and you now understood this was something he wanted. His tongue slipped between your lips, finding a home in your mouth. His hands wrapped around your neck, not applying any pressure, just applying warmth. You felt so warm, so satisfied. This was finally happening. Why couldn’t it have happened two years ago?

Carlos pulled away again, gasping for air while resting his forehead on yours. “Come here, hermosa.”

You got off your barstool and sat on his lap, your chest flush to his. The two of you resumed your makeout session, his hands roaming your back, your hands draped around his neck. You moaned into the kiss once his large fingers snuck beneath the fabric of your shirt and touched your hot skin. It was electrifying, it was new, it was so good.

You could feel the bulge in his lap pressed against your thigh. His kisses turned sloppy, his hands moved quicker, his breath grew shorter. It was obvious he was growing impatient with you sitting right there. He was hungry for you. He only wanted you.

His lips attacked your collarbone, leaving little bitemarks and wet spots across your skin. You ran your hands across his broad shoulders, leaning your head back as he created a constellation across your chest. The night air was cold, the sky was now completely dark. The string lights were off, but the glow from the city provided enough light for you to see Carlos at work. He looked so good, so handsome, so perfect.

He chuckled into your skin, the vibrations causing you to shiver. He involuntarily thrusted his hips up, grunting as he did so. You hung your head on his shoulder as he composed himself. “Wrap your legs around me when I stand up, ok?”

You could only nod, feeling gravity shift as he rose to his feet. You did as you were instructed, his arm coming to your lower back for support. Your chest was pressed so deep into his that you wondered if two humans could possibly get closer than this. You really wished your shirts were off so you could feel his skin on yours.

Softly, Carlos laid you down on the makeshift bed. It was more comfortable than you imagined it would be, but maybe your mind was too clouded with lust to be rational. You were focused on Carlos and only Carlos.

A gasp pushed past your lips, not because of anything Carlos did, but because of a loud and sudden explosion. The sky lights up in colors of reds and yellows, blues and purples, greens and oranges. Sparks quite literally fly as fireworks rip through the once still air. Carlos is beside you now, watching the sky with such intensity you wonder if he has ever seen a firework before.

“It’s Saint James Day.” He says to himself.

You’re pulling the covers up to your chest as you catch the small, toothy smile that he holds. He pulls his knees up and rests his elbows on them. You’re amazed at how quickly his attention changed from you to the fireworks.

“You had no idea?” You ask. “I knew there would be fireworks but I didn’t know they’d be close enough for us to see.”

Carlos shook his head. “I didn’t know, no.” He looked back over to you, that smile still on his lips. “What a way to spend our last night in Spain.”

Your heart stops beating. It’s like he was hellbent on reminding you that this was it.

Slowly, he reached for your jaw once again, bringing you in for a kiss. It was soft, it was gentle. It was reminiscent of the first kiss the two of you shared only a few minutes ago. Never, you thought, do I want this to end. It did, however. Everything has a beginning and an end. The circle begins when you place your pen on the page and it stops when you’ve finished drawing it. The story begins at birth and appears like it ends on a rooftop in Madrid-semi naked with fireworks in the background.

The fireworks carry on for a few more minutes. They seem to illustrate photos in the sky. Carlos sees it, too. He pulls out his phone to snap a quick photo before turning it to you. This goes unnoticed, you’re too preoccupied in watching the show before you. He snaps a candid photo of your side profile. It was one he would cherish for the rest of his life, even if it was low quality and dark.

When the sky falls dark once more, the sound of cars below once again filling your ears, Carlos turns his whole body to you. “I love you, y/n.”

Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well, I've been afraid of changin' 'Cause I've built my life around you But time makes you bolder Even children get older

And this time, it feels different. It feels like there is a non-platonic meaning to the sentence he says everyday. Carlos has been telling you he loved you since the two of you could speak. Everytime you two say goodbye his last words are, “I love you.” Every time he’s overjoyed with you he says, “I love you.” Every gift you’ve ever given him has been opened as he says, “I love you.” Every time you run into his garage after a good or bad race he greets you with, “I love you.” You begin to wonder if you’ve missed some signs along the way-if you were too immersed in the thought that, he would never date you, to realize he’s been fighting for you all along.

He answers your question when he speaks again. “All I've ever wanted in life was you. I knew that at the end of the day, I’d be alright as long as you were there, y/n. After a bad race, you were standing there waiting for me and I realized that it isn’t the end of the world. After a bad breakup, you were there to tell me that I’m not a douchebag and I’m actually a good person. After people told me I could never make it big in racing, you stood proud as my number one fan and forced me to carry on with my head held high.”

Your throat begins to burn. This was goodbye. This was Carlos’ confession.

“I have loved you for such a long time, y/n. It’s always been you. I have always wanted you.” No. “I have never clicked so well with someone. I have never thought someone was so beautiful as you. You don’t even have to try, either! You’re just so,”

He trails off, looking straight ahead at the city. His eyes glisten. You wonder if he’s about to cry. You know you’re one more word away from crying.

“I don’t know how I'm supposed to be ok after a bad day without you there to hold me.”

That does it. You hold a hand over your mouth as tears pour down your cheeks. They’re hot, but they aren't the same warmth that Carlos radiates. They’re painfully hot, his touch was pleasantly hot. You’ll have to learn to live with one and not the other, however.

“Carlos,” You choke out. He doesn’t turn to look at you, just staring straight ahead as tears of his own trickle down his cheeks. “Oh, Carlos.”

“This sucks.” He says.

“This sucks.” You repeat.

It sucks. Saying goodbye sucks. Leaving your hometown that you love so dearly sucks. Leaving your best friend sucks. What will become of the two of you? Will Carlos still love you? Will he return to Madrid and visit with your parents? Will he be saddened to see your empty room? Will he turn to look at every girl who resembles you and hope that somehow, someway, you found him? Will you do that to every man who looks like Carlos?

He leans back, laying flat on the bed. You rest your head on his chest, his fingers coming to play with your hair. “I believe with every bone in my body that you will do amazing things, Carlos. You’ll be a world champion one day. And guess what? You’re going to do it because you are strong. It’s not going to be because I’m holding your hand, it’s going to be because of your dedication, your talent, your strength, your skill. You’ve worked for this, Carlos. And you are going to do it.”

He sniffles, placing a kiss to the top of your head. “I love you, Carlos.” You say. And maybe things will be ok, maybe they won't. But you know that Carlos will go on to do great things. You know that he's the type of boy-no-he's the type of man to accomplish whatever he puts his mind to. He’ll fight for his life in that damn race car and then step out of it and make the whole room laugh and smile. He’ll make amazing friends, ones that will occupy the space you have always resided in. He’ll be happy and feel whole. He’ll think of you from time to time. Maybe you’ll visit one another when you both are in Madrid at the same time.

“I love you, y/n.”

And I'm getting older too

2026

You haven't run this fast since high school. Somewhere in the crowd, you’ve lost your husband, but you don't care. You have a mission to accomplish, a friend to see.

“Carlos!” You shout, waving your hands like a maniac. “¡Mi hijo! Carlos!”

A hand grabs you by the bicep. “You can’t be in here!” The strange man shouts. Did you run past some barriers? Yes. Did you push some young fans? Yes. Is security worried about your intentions? Yes. But there, only a few feet away, if the new World Champion.

“Let me go! I know Carlos!” You fight the man causing another to join in on the situation. Both of your arms are restrained and they’re practically carrying you out.

“Everyone says that.” One of them says.

“Please!” You beg. It’s been over three years since Carlos and you have seen each other in person. Life dragged you two apart. You thrived in college, becoming the girl that everyone loved. You made friends quickly and made memories even quicker. Carlos thrived in racing, too. He moved his way up pretty quickly, his Formula One debut coming just three years after he left. You’d seen the Youtube videos of him and his friends, you’d heard the inside jokes, read about Carlando-you knew he was happy. But, you two weren’t as close anymore. You’d text frequently, reaching out before a big race or after a difficult one. You’d facetime, too. You both had one another on social media, and sometimes he would comment on your post or respond to a story you had up. Life was different now, however. You and him were married. He couldn’t come to your wedding, it fell on a race weekend. You couldn’t go to his. You said you had work but watching him marry another girl would stir up some pain, even if you were in a happy relationship. You didn’t frequent Madrid all too much, choosing to vacation elsewhere when the time arises. But, vacations were rare now that you were a mother. This was the first time you’d been out of town since giving birth three years ago. It was worth it.

“Carlos!” You cried out once more. He knew you were at the race-he was the one that bought you the tickets-but you wanted to see him now, not later.

The commotion caught his attention. He stared for a second, trying to understand why two men were carrying out a girl, but then he saw who it was. “Y/n!”

He dropped the conversation he was having to run over to you. The hands of strange men were replaced by those of a familiar friend. You felt warm again. You felt whole.

He swept you up in a hug, spinning you around as you squealed. “You did it! You fucking did it Carlos!”

“I know! You were right muñeca! You were right!” The nickname alone was enough to make you cry. You hadn’t been called that in years. Since the two of you were in your teens.

He dropped you, hands sliding onto your cheeks. For a brief moment, you thought he would try to kiss you. He didn’t. But your mind wandered.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” He smiled softly. “None of this would have happened without you.”

“Me?”

Carlos nodded. “I carried your words with me every day. Nobody has ever believed in me as much as you have.”

“Carlos-”

“I love you, y/n.”

The tears were back, and they fell hard. “I love you, Carlos.”

He was pulled away to go do his podium celebration. The Championship had come down to the last race of the season. Carlos beat out his competitors, however, winning not only the race, but the World Championship. And as he stood on that podium, champagne spraying through the air, fireworks began to pop in the sky. It lights up in colors of reds and yellows, blues and purples, greens and oranges.

He looks down at you, a smile splitting his lips.

It seems like the highest award to achieve, but he hopes that in another life, one hopefully close by, that he can get the one thing he desires most.

You.

Maybe in another life, you followed him. Maybe in another life you two got married. Maybe in another life you reached out more. But in this life, Carlos is a World Champion. You wouldn’t trade his excitement, his pride and his joy for anything.

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 fanfic #f1 requests #f1 imagine #carlos sainz #charles leclerc #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz ff #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz f1 #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz smut #f1 smut #f1 angst #carlos sainz angst #max verstappen #pierre gasly

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dellalyra · 1 year

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Family Formation Part Three

Summary: The Gojo's share a soft, warm moment with Yuuji after an unexpected midnight run in.

SERIES MASTERLIST requests currently open :)<3

CW: fluff, pregnancy, mild threat, sukuna being sukuna, this is almost more of a crack fic but like it's really soft bc so many people wanted Y/N and Gojo to adopt Yuuji after part two but part four... is going to be heartbreaking I'm sorry

11.43pm - Tokyo Prefectural High School, Dorm Building Kitchen

You’re in the common room, waiting for your husband to finish up a mission - looking at your phone you see him say he’ll be about 10 minutes, so you go to make yourself a quick cup of tea before he gets here and goes home. You could hear the kids up in their dorms until about 30 minutes ago after you had made dinner for you all this evening.

As you boil the kettle, you feel a silent presence lurking behind you, just at the entrance to the kitchen- a drastic shift in cursed energy, one you’d rather not be familiar with but sadly have come to know all too well. You continue to prepare your tea in peace. “Evening, Sukuna.” You say, with an exasperated sigh. A kitchen conversation with the King of Curses wasn’t quite how you imagined this evening to go but you’ll make do. It feels like your baby starts to sense the cursed energy too, with them kicking a little more since Sukuna’s arrival - Gojo genes are strong in this one you see.

A growl emanates through the room, “You dare address me so casually, wench?” “I do, Sukuna, you’re far too smart to start shit in here and with me right now, so do shut up and let me enjoy my tea.” “Oh, what a brave little girl you are - are you in any position to do anything but beg for me to spare the life of you and your child?” His eyes seem to flow red through the dimly lit room.

“I would say I’m rather well safeguarded yes, I’m a special grade sorcerer, and even 7 months pregnant I could inflict decent damage on you, my husband is Gojo Satoru, and my son who possesses the Ten Shadow technique is down the hall AND is overprotective and down the hall, a girl who may as well be my daughter, doing the same and another Grade 1, but most of all - the body you are housed in is that of a boy who is also as good as a son to me, and the minute you start to show me any real threat I know he will make up and squash your nighttime wandering hopes. So, tell me, what can I help you with, Sukuna?” You roll your eyes, knowing full well he’s trying to grandstand and intimidate you, but you just do not have the patience to deal with it right now. As you speak you pour the water into your mug and sit yourself down with a groan at your tired feet. The glare you were given along with the smirk and what you could only assume to be a laugh may scare some, but not you, you’ve seen and exorcised far worse than Sukuna in a 15-year-old boy's body in the kitchen. “Hm, I like you - you’ve got balls. As for what I wanted, well, I suppose I wanted to see for myself the woman carrying the future of jujutsu sorcery - hardly any fun going through all this trouble to regain my power if there will be nothing interesting to use it on.” He stalls towards you, eyeing you and your growing stomach like a trophy. “The child - it is strong, not even taken a breath and the cursed energy outweighs your own. Possibly it’s fathers too. And you’ve raised the Ten Shadows boy, for a human I almost respect you, there’s nothing quite as entertaining as a fierce woman.”

The flare in your cursed energy at the thought of Sukuna even discussing your children would have blown lesser beings to ash but luckily, years of control and practice have kept you from unleashing the rage of a protective mother - this is not even the first time. The very night Sukuna was reborn inside Yuuji, you stood in front of your injured son Megumi which fire burning inside you as Gojo watched the love and care you had for him and that boy behind you turn into a blast slamming the curse into the building. (Your initial concern for hurting the as-yet-unknown rosey-haired child diminished after having seen how Sukuna reinforced his body during a brief scuffle with your husband).

“Sukuna, you have seen that I am quite clearly pregnant, you’ve done what you came to do - off you go, unless you’re going to say you want tea -” with a snarl and muttering about the insolence of humans and the arrogance of every Gojo he retreats as a waking Yuuji looks around, clearly confused.

“Y/N? Why am I in the kitchen? I was asleep? Wait, why are you here, where’s Gojo-Sensei?” The words all tumble out mingled with a yawn from him. Seeing no reason to hide the truth, you continued. “You’re okay Yuuji, Satoru will be here in a minute, I’m just waiting here for him to finish up a quick mission, didn’t want to drive so I’ll go home with him. And as for why you’re in the kitchen, it seemed your body roommate wanted a midnight stroll.” You put your mug onto the counter as you reboil the water to make some tea for Yuuji, hoping it would coax him back to sleep. “Wait, Sukuna? Are you okay? Oh god, I’m so sorry, what did he want?” He flustered about.

“Yuuji honey, I’m absolutely fine, and you have nothing to be sorry for. He just wanted to see if the rumors of a new Six Eyes could be true. We were all completely safe sweetheart, I sent him packing and pretty much told him if he didn’t want tea he could piss off, he’s too smart to ever try anything that could put himself in danger - so don’t worry, you’re safe with Satoru and me around. Plus, I think this one is going to have both my temper and Satoru’s lack of sanity so, you’re surrounded by Gojo’s who love you.” You pat your belly and then his head and push the chamomile tea mug into his hands. He scratches the back of his neck and thanks you, muttering about how much of a dick Sukuna is. You giggle at him and sit down.

“Wait, did you really ask the king of curses if he wanted tea?” Yuuji asked as if that part of the story had just clicked in his head. “Well, Shoko always said I was too ballsy for someone my size.” You giggle and he laughs too, but nods, knowing you are one of the bravest (and kinda scary in a fight) people he’s met since joining the sorcery world.

“He didn’t want any tea though. Maybe he’s a hot chocolate kinda guy.” You say, with a straight face, Yuuji looks at you for a moment and then bursts into hysterical laughter as you giggle about wrapping Sukuna in a blanket and giving him cocoa with tiny marshmallows. As you’re finishing your tea, Satoru walks (flounces) through the door and leans down to pepper your face with kisses. “Well if it isn’t my dearest, darling, sweetheart, angel wife. Are you ready to go home? I have some snacks for us before bed.” He says as you notice the bags behind his back. He then turns to Yuuji, “Huh, you have Sukuna cooties tonight. What did I miss?” Itadori turns his nose up at the residuals being called cooties. “It’s alright, ‘Toru. Sukuna decided to check out whether the rumor of more Gojo spawn was true. Got poor Yuuji out of bed for it and all.” You reassured him.

“Huh, well, you okay, baby? He didn’t upset you did he?” You loved that Satoru had so much faith in your abilities and strength that he knew he needed to be nothing but support for you, and you’d spoken before about his being surrounded by sorcerers was the safest place for Yuuji to be so you both knew Sukuna wouldn’t risk his chance. You weren’t dumb enough to think you could take down Sukuna alone - only Satoru could have a chance, but you could definitely hold him off with your powerful cursed technique long enough for Satoru to arrive. You kissed his cheek and nodded that you were absolutely fine.

“Gojo-sensei, she offered him tea. Sukuna.” Yuuji said, still in disbelief. “That’s my girl!” Hearing this, Satoru laughed and pulled you into his chest, beaming at his beautifully snarky, witty wife.

“Now, Satoru, let’s get home - it’s late. I can see you yawning, Yuuji, back to bed.” You usher him down the hall to his dorm and make sure he gets into bed, as he sleepily tumbles into his Spider-Man sheets you’d gotten a few months back, you whisper goodnight to him. As you were about to close the door, you hear a very sleepy, barely awake ‘gnight mom, night dad.’ You squeeze Satoru’s hand as you smile at each other, wordless but endless appreciation for what you just heard and have only ever heard from Megumi (rarely) and Tsumiki (you missed hearing it from her). You knew Yuuji would be back to Y/N and Gojo-Sensei tomorrow but now in a sleepy vulnerable moment that’s how he saw and felt about you both was enough to know you guys must be doing something right.

“Satoru, we should really stop picking up stray kids on the street and keeping them.” You giggle thinking of the siblings, Yuuji and the sweet boy you cared for currently in Africa with Miguel. “Hm, nah, we need a whole collection, our own army - now c’mon, the baby just said ‘Hey dad get mom home I want to have cuddles and mochi with you’” in the worst baby impression ever he squeaked at you and he picked you up bridal style to warp you home, but not before you get in a quiet “oh really, when did you become the womb whisperer? That sounds like you want that to me.”

TAGLIST:

@vesta-ro *

@sassy-cat-in-town

@lilithlunas

@madam-ri

#jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen imagines #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo fluff #itadori yuuji #megumi fushiguro #nobara kugisaki #ryomen sukuna #sukuna

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gabessquishytum · 7 months

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Water spirit Dream anon here. Just wanna say Im LOVING the yes anding on that one it feels amazing like when people love your dish at a potluck. Anyway Ive just had the most Week of all time punctuated by my period coming and I would like to wallow so lemme just sneak in here.

After Hob's return to the Dream Pool or whatever, he's like holy shit I have children! And a spouse? And they live fucking outside!!!! I haven't cooked one meal!! Haven't changed a single diaper!! Haven't rubbed even a single sore foot! I'm a terrible husband and provider ;-; he's so upset bc he's basically by his own definition a deadbeat and he always wanted to be the BEST dad and husband. And Dream is like I am a spirit. Your children are half spirit. We are literally nature elementals. We belong outside. We do not eat meals as such. And as for bad husband, well. Coming home to fuck and then fucking off to do your thing is kind of the divine relationship norm. And Hob is like well theyre also half human so we need a HOUSE. And good luck getting rid of me now bc I'm not leaving for the rest of forever, I'm gonna make up for lost time with my babies. What are their names.

So Hob builds a small house to live in near Dream and enjoys very much his new family. The kids are indeed half spirit, so they grow faster and a little stranger than Hob's used to with Human kids, but they're his, and he loves them. He's also absolutely smitten with Dream, now that he's actually gotten to know him. His little house expands into a large temple built into the mountainside, with a large courtyard and Dream's pool in the center of it. Eventually Dream asks Hob if he really meant what he said about staying forever. He could share his divinity with him and tie him to Dream's pool, only able to drink from there and nowhere else. He'd live forever, with Dream. And of course that sounds wonderful :)

Long after their progeny are grown and out upholding their fathers' legacies, Hob stays as the priest and caretaker of Dream's temple. They fuck happily for forever after.

Ahhh water spirit anon! So glad you've been enjoying all the shenanigans <3

I looove Hob being a stand up dude, a provider, a Good Dad. I think that's very sexy of him. So of course he's upset and worried when he finds out that he's got kids and he hasn't contributed anything to their lives except his stinky human dna!! He feels terrible because if his kids are half human then surely they need someone to help them learn human things, and he hasn't even started doing that! Dream is amused and rather confused by Hob’s stress but tries to soothe him as best he can. There's plenty of time to teach the children. They're still basically babies, they don't need to learn how to light fires or anything yet.

Still, Hob essentially stays up for 24 hours to build a house. And Dream has admit that it's nice and cozy, while still being close enough to the water for his comfort. Hob makes tables and chairs and a bed (Dream is very interested in this) and toys for the little ones, and becomes a very happy stay at home dad. The kids are weird and beautiful but very much Hob’s kids (they drive Dream mad with their stubbornness and knack for getting into trouble). And they are also so loved.

Hob is more in love with Dream than ever by the time they get around to getting officially "married" - Hob gets the immortality and the responsibility of taking care of Dream’s temple, which he was doing anyway. He still can't believe that Dream chose him. Occasionally they relive the first time by fucking in the pool, and Hob will bounce Dream on his cock and praise every aspect of him: mind, body, soul. Sometimes Dream pretends like he's a human and they go to bed in the house Hob built. Dream wants to wait a couple of centuries before he bears more children, and Hob will wait patiently - next time, he'll be there to watch Dream’s pregnancy. Probably a good thing he's immortal now, because seeing Dream full of his baby(s) might be enough to kill him <3

#the sandman #dreamling #nsft

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erikiara80 · 4 months

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Theory: the car crash in the winter of 1976 (Part II)

You can read Part I here

To sum up: my theory is that Joyce had a son with Lonnie, Jonathan, but then she left him because he's an a-hole. She always liked Hopper, so they finally got together and had two kids, Will and El. I think it's possible that the story of Agent Orange is true and maybe that's why Jopper's kids were targeted by Brenner ("Sarah" died in the lab, after all) But then, in 1976 something bad happened and Hopper and El were separated from their family (see Part I). Love this Father and daughter missing.

Not sure if Brenner was involved, but there are hints that Lonnie was. He's heavily paralleled to Billy's father, and in Billy's memory Neil believed that his wife was cheating on him. The first thing Lonnie asks Jon is if Hopper is still chief, and the moment he thinks that Will is dead, he "comes home", calls Joyce babe and tells her that she needs him. I think he didn't just want the money, he wanted his family back. And Will wasn't part of it.

A possible hint in The First Shadow that Lonnie did something to Joyce and her family is the mention of him stealing the baby from the nativity scene. Will has always been associated with Jesus...

It's also interesting, and could be evidence of different timelines, that Will is associated with fire but El is associated with cold water. Maybe Will died in the fire in one timeline, and in another one El drowned in a lake? Maybe they were both in danger but their parents could only save one of them. They both say many times that they can't breath, which is also a parallel with Sarah, so I think it's clear that something bad happened to both of them.

Did Will burn alive? I hope not but... In 3x08, when Joyce hugs him, he says that he can't breath, he's suffocating. In Fred's vision, he sees a coffin with the grandfather clock that has the name Williams engraved on it. And in 4x04 we see Billy/William's tombstone.

El sees Heather being dragged underwater, after Max opens "the floodgates" (Owens mentions them when he explains the anniversary of the event) If Billy is paralleled to Will, Heather is paralleled to El, so maybe this scene shows us what happened to El in the past.

The vanishing of Will Byers and The case of the missing lifeguard are connected.

And when she goes into Billy's memories, there's a transition from the car crash and El in the water. Car in a lake -> El separated from her family.

Hints that Lonnie might've been involved in the car crash

In Lonnie's very first scene, there's a little bike in his house, and Jon checks his trunk. Not a good sign.

After Joyce breaks the wall with the axe, the only thing she sees is her car. Possible hint that after the car crash one of the children was taken away from the family by powers. Time powers... Tears in the fabric of time and space...

That night, when Lonnie arrives, the first thing we see is his car headlights.

Then he closes "the door" that Will used to communicate with his mom, with a hammer. As he talks about the quarry and Joyce freezing to death.

In 2x06, after they bring Will to the lab, after he screams that he feels like he's burning (Hopper is screaming too, but they're using water! Always water and fire) there's a transition to Steve's car, and the song in this scene is Hammer to Fall. In 2x09 Jon mentions Lonnie and the hammer they used to build Castle Byers.

In S4 there's another connection between Lonnie, cars, time loops and the resentment between him and Joyce. When Jon says that the cycle never ends. We see part of the conversation through the broken window of a car.

Other hints

Billy and Max

They both have many parallels with Will, and most of their scenes together take place in the car. Billy's car is actually the first thing we see.

They always fight in that car.

Billy tries to run over the kids. This reminds me of the night Will vanishes

And the scene of Billy's possession IS a parallel to the 1x01 scene. He and Will both run off the road

In 3x07, Billy almost burns alive in his car

In S4, Max confesses that she had wished her brother to die in a car accident

In 2x05, Terry shows El a police car chase!

This scene is so important. I'm working on a new theory, but I'll just say that Terry (or whoever is communicating with El) isn't just randomly switching the channels. She's telling a story. Henry's story and how El got involved.

In fact, she shows El a blonde woman ("Virginia") then the Family Feud score: 91 and 64. Two tens. 10-> mirror of 01. A donut commercial with many identical donuts (ref to the lab kids), the commercial of a Computer Supercenter (the lab/Nina) and then a police chase and someone pouring coffe into a cup. I think this is a huge hint at a car crash that involved Hopper, and what happened after, the blood transfusion that made El a lab kid. I don't know why else Terry would show El a police car chase tbh. And then, in 2x07, Kali calls Hopper policeman, many times. A clear connection with the car chase, imo.

When El looks for the source in S3, the first thing she sees in the eye of the Mind Flayer storm is Billy's damaged car. Since Billy is paralleled to Will, this could mean that the source of everything that happened to their family started with a car crash and powers?

I'm also thinking about this shot in the Vecna game. It looks very similar to a shot in Benny's diner in S4. Jason in a white outfit, like Henry, Christmas lights, a police car, the W and E, and another car with something that looks a lot like the Mind Flayer, looming over it.

And don't forget Joyce and Hopper escaping from Grigori and the engine of the police car literally exploding. And where do they find another car? At a Seven Eleven convenience store, where they meet clerk Rich (like Richard Brenner?) Also, Alexei is with them. A guy in a white outfit, and with a name that is the russian variant of Alex, like Alex P. Keyton, one of the characters played by Michael J. Fox, mentioned by Steve when he and Robin talk about time travels in Back to the Future.

There are many other hints, but I think these ones are the most relevant.

#willel twins #tfs spoilers #will byers #el hopper #jopper #timeline theory #time loop theory #joyce byers #jim hopper #max mayfield #billy hargrove #st analysis #stranger things

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ashintheairlikesnow · 5 months

Text

It Has to Be

For @amonthofwhump 12 Days of Whumpmas, Day 5: Ebenezer Scrooge |Power Outage | Time Loop | Overworked Whumpee | Comfort: Snuggling by the Fire

CW: Intimate whumper, past drugging and noncon, references to captivity and scars

The Motherfucking Gallaghers Masterlist

As always, Jax (and the mentioned Alfie) belong to @comfy-whumpee and are used with their input and permission.

Finley White is getting so tired of looking at Savvie Marcoset’s face. At least during the prepping stages, it’s mostly through videos and photographs. They can turn it off, turn away, take a break.

But they’re still tired of seeing it.

Not half so tired, they muse, as their client must be.

“Miss Savvie Marcoset, is it really you?! How are you?!”

“It’s Mrs. Savvie Marcoset,” She corrects, prim and proper. Savvie has her hands folded in her lap, her hair pulled back with a clip. The shadows under her eyes are the only sign that she is, at the time this was recorded, someone frantically searching for her missing captive. In a long off the shoulder black sweater and leggings, she seems relaxed and happy. She smiles, gentle and sweet. It looks utterly sincere. “I am married, you know.”

She holds up a hand and waggles her fingers, showing off the brilliance of her diamond ring.

The person wearing the camera device gasps with audible delight. “Did you really finally get him to put a ring on it? Gosh, Sav, I thought he would never propose!”

“I know that voice,” Finley White's client says, leaning forward. He frowns, his knee bouncing beneath the table. “I remember she was a twat.”

The corner of Finley’s mouth twitches, a smile they can't quite suppress. “Virginia Marshall, goes by Jennie. Went to college with Savannah Marcoset. The Marshalls were longtime friends with the Marcosets, close enough to be trusted. Jennie was facing some low-level charges of her own and agreed to help build this case as part of a plea deal.”

“Twat and coward.” He snorts. “Sounds about right.”

“Well, technically I was the one who got down on one knee,” Savvie says. There’s something strange in her eyes, like always - she looks with too much intensity. She’s hiding it well here, acting with the best of them, but Finley’s been staring at her face for so long that they can see right through it even so.

Finley saw Savvie Marcoset’s true talents on the stand, the first time. They had watched with surprised dismay as she charmed the jury, seeing how she could channel her intensity and terrifying focus into overwhelming charisma before an audience.

“Oh, that’s so modern,” The woman wearing the hidden camera gushes, cooing over the ring. “Did you write your own vows, too?”

Savvie laughs, abashed. “No, no. Traditional. I always wanted a traditional wedding. So did he, really, he's an old-fashioned kind of guy. You should have seen him blush during 'love, honor, and obey.'"

The noise Finley's client makes in reaction to that statement is indescribable.

“Traditional vows... makes sense. You’ve always been the romantic type. Where is that lucky duck today, anyway? The hubby? He isn't with you?”

Savvie's smile doesn't even flicker. “He’s at home with our babies. He loves being a stay-at-home dad, you know? It’s all he ever wanted to be.”

In reality, at the moment this video was recorded, the escaped Jax Gallagher was in his father's apartment, likely pretending to sleep, but at least not sleeping next to her. His children would have been nearby, safe from Savvie's cruelty for the first time.

You’d never know anyone was gone. She's as good an actress as she is at playing music, when she wants to be. And she is clearly pretending that absolutely nothing is wrong.

“Oh, well, bring him to my house sometime, yeah? Let me get a look at him and those little ones.”

“He’s… very private,” Savvie says, low and soft. She gives a little roll of her eyes. “Because of me being, you know, known, and he isn't from a famous family or anything… we like to keep his name out of things. His family is so toxic, plus you know how gossipy the press is about him…”

“Him? Him who?” The informant plays dumb.

“You know… My ex..."

“Oh, your ex Bastian Brighthall?”

“Ha! No, no. I just mean… you know. Since… prison. Which, like, can no one become rehabilitated in this country? Let me live! I’m a law-abiding citizen now, and, and a wife and mother! You have no idea what it's like just trying to raise babies these days..."

She’s so deeply offended. The informant pretends to be offended, too, and lets Savvie change the subject, turn it around to how hard it is to be a woman just trying to live out her happily ever after. It’s masterful, how well she can lead someone along and away from what she doesn’t want to share.

Finley White’s eyelid twitches where they sit at a table, watching this conversation unfold on a television bolted to the wall on the opposite side of the room. Beside them, their client has lapsed back into stony silence, his jaw set, arms crossed. He doesn't look at Savannah Marcoset’s sweet and smiling face, not directly.

He’s tense enough that Finley worries, more than a little, that one of his tendons will simply snap from the stress. He knows - he knew long before Finley said it out loud - what a farce this is, how utterly unnecessary. He knows better than anyone that Ms. Marcoset could have pleaded guilty and saved them all this expense and trouble. The evidence is thoroughly stacked against her. She has no way out, but it doesn’t stop her from throwing out every delay tactic she has.

Jax had been the first one to vocalize the point of Savannah’s strange game, during their meeting with him and his father after the arrest. She’ll drag it out, make it take as long as possible, he’d predicted, sitting in his father's cozy living room in his apartment in England. Finley had flown to him, once again - they had sworn to him once, after the first trial’s conclusion, that they wouldn’t ask him to fly back to America unless they had to.

He’d still been visibly recovering, a man made of shadows who sat with his little girl and her enormous curly hair clinging in wide-eyed silence to him. He’d held onto her just as tightly, as if even Finley might simply take her away if he let go for even a second. She’ll make it fucking miserable for everyone, just to get at me. She always fucking does.

Language, Jax’s father had admonished in a distant and fond way. That's one for the chocolate jar. Or two, maybe.

Jax’s child, who was so perfectly silent Finley kept forgetting she was there, had spoken for the first time. I don't mind, Daddy, she had said. She was so soft Finley barely made out the words. I know that’s grown up words. You don't have to do the jar. You can get chocolates.

Both men had smiled, then - one with open affection for his grandchild, one with a faint shift of lips that vanished as soon as Finley took it in.

Sorry, kiddo, Jax had murmured, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. More for you, then, yeah? Finley had wondered, then, what it must feel like to love a child - to love someone that much - who only existed because of this kind of assault?

Jax had been angrier, or at least more obviously so, the first time they worked with him. After the first escape. During the first trial. The anger that had still flared up then was now a smoking skeletal forest, where you could feel heat against your palm when you laid it against the trunk of a tree, but not even embers were left to glow.

Are the little girl and the baby boy the first green things to grow afterward? Or just… bones, blackened stones weighing him down?

Shit, they need a drink. All their poetry electives from their own college days come out in florid metaphors on days like this one.

More than a drink, they need about sixteen hours of sleep. Not that Jax doesn't need both things more than they do, going through all this again, and again… they’d put it off as long as they could, but finally they’d had to ask him to fly here one more time.

This will be the last time. Finley White will stake their career on Savannah Marcoset never seeing daylight as a free woman again, or they’ll quit and take up needlepoint or whatever it is lawyers who drop the ball that badly do.

They failed him, once, in their own mind. That it could happen to him again feels like their fault, their responsibility, somehow.

Jax had been angrier, before, but less determined than he is now. He had found it much harder, then, not to look at Savvie Marcoset. As if he couldn't break himself of having all his thoughts centered on keeping her from punishing him. The way he had seemed frightened when they took her away, after the verdict, had been painful to watch.

Now he simply doesn't look at her on the screen at all.

Finley picks up the remote, scratching a fingernail over its smooth plastic surface.

Would it have been better, if they had managed to make it so she never walked free? It would have meant no second time held prisoner and therefore no children. Obviously it would have been better. Would he have chosen it, though, if he knew… chosen not to ever meet the quiet little girl and boisterous baby boy… maybe he would. Probably he would.

They would never ask.

In the present, Finley keeps their thoughts to themself. They lean forward, briefly pausing the video. “There’s a few minutes of going back and forth on this, Ms. Marcoset describing a… well, a very fanciful personal idea of the alleged wedding and honeymoon… I’m going to fast forward past it.”

“Thank fuck,” Jax mutters, scratching at the back of his head. His fingers twitch, involuntary, and he drops his hand quickly.

He didn't tremble like that the first time, either. That’s a lasting effect of the shock collar he’d been wearing when he turned up on his father's doorstep after running away with the kids. He hides the scars beneath scarves and Finley pretends they don't see them even when they do.

Those scars feel like visible evidence: Finley White fucked up, and here’s living proof. They’d gotten the conviction, decent prison time, parole within a limited area after release… and it hadn't been enough.

They’ve gone over and over the case, when they can't sleep or think about anything else. They had done a good job. They and a single paralegal, alone, had taken on the Marcoset team of defense lawyers and wiped the floor with them.

Jax seemed to think they had done a good job. Good enough that when he ran this time, he’d called them as soon as he was ready, anyway. He could have gotten a different lawyer, but he had called them, and trusted them, to put her away again.

They just have to make sure it sticks this time. For life, bar the door, throw away the goddamn key.

It was another thing Jax said first, although not in so many words - that if she ever left prison again, Jax almost certainly wouldn't survive it. He’d been hunched over a beer, that first in-person meeting at his father's place. Finley was still jet-lagged from getting on the first flight out, and nearly asleep on the sofa. He hadn't brought it up until the kids and his father were safely asleep.

If she gets out again, or… comes h-here… that's it. He hadn't looked up at them, just stared down at his beer. The kids vanish first, probably. Dead or disappeared. Whatever she thinks will fuck me up worse. Actually, probably disappeared and then dead later once she thinks-... once she’s made me sorry. Then me, after them.

Then you? Last?

Yeah. Disappeared. Or dead. Or both. But she’ll go after them first. She'll-... He drank half the beer in three long swallows, wiped a hand over his face, and then exhaled and looked over at them. She can't hurt my kids. Okay? She can't.

Finley had nodded, and lifted their own beer in a kind of grim salute. She won't. We nail her to the wall this time, Jax. I promise.

Fuck yeah. His expression stayed flat, but he clinked his beer glass against theirs and that was that, he was Finley White's once and future client one more time.

Even though the case is open and shut, they’re throwing everything they’ve got at this, leaving nothing on the table. Leaving nothing to chance or luck. They have a promise to keep.

“Our informant wore this camera to get an idea of what Mrs. Marcoset was thinking, how she was playing your disappearance from her life. It was recorded before she was arrested,” Finley explains. On the screen, Savvie's rushed dramatics are silent, her hands moving in gestures that constantly flash the ring. Her smile is absolutely radiant. She has always been a beautiful woman, layered over the cruelty beneath. “We probably won't need this at court-”

“Then why are we watching it?” He asks abruptly. Not angry or hostile, just wanting to get it all over with.

They know the feeling.

“Because I thought you might want to see this part,” They say, and hit play, the video shifting back into regular speed, the casual buzz and clink of the restaurant around them kicking back in.

“-three years old,” Savvie is saying. She is every inch the proud and loving mother, pulling out her phone and then turning it around to show the informant. “Born in… in May, named after my grandmother. Isn't she beautiful? Doesn't she look just like me?”

“This was after I left?” Jax frowns at the photo Savvie has pulled up - of Jax holding his daughter back when she was a baby who already had too much hair and eyes too big for her face. Jax, his gaunt frame dressed in slightly oversized designer clothes to hide bruises and his unreliable access to food, is looking at the camera with a false and slightly hazy-seeming smile.

“Yes,” Finley answers, nodding. “This conversation would be maybe… six months after that.”

Jax’s eyes narrow. “That photo’s of Izzy as a baby, for one thing. For another… her birthday isn't in fucking May. Jesus. I didn't know the day, she never would tell me, but I knew what season. Also, Iz was four when we got back home, and she would have turned five by… whenever this is. We got her a fucking cake, my dad and I, when she turned five."

“You are absolutely certain that-”

“Yes,” He answers them, voice flat and cold as paper on stone.

“You may have to testify about that, Jax. Good evidence of a lack of connection to Isabeh-”

“Izzy,” He corrects automatically.

“Right. Sorry. I’ve been elbow-deep in legal docs all day, everything is full legal names. This video might not be worth much during the criminal trial, but for the civil case regarding the children’s living arrangements-”

“Yeah, fine, I’ll testify. Yeah.” He snorts. “Also, I'm fucking drugged in that photo she flashed around. If that matters.”

“You are?” That's a surprise to them. They turn to rewind the video back to when the photo is held up, pausing it, scanning it over again. The slight smile, the way he gripped tight to the girl… almost white-knuckled…

“Yeah. High as hell and terrified I'll drop her. Scared that that's her game this time. Get me to let Iz slip through my arms and then get goddamn mad at me for not being careful enough. I got her to stop putting shit in my drink when the kids were awake eventually, but she was still doing it, then.”

He isn't casual with how he drops these pieces of abject horror into conversation - no, Jax wields this information like a riddle, or a test. How you respond is to pass or to fail, and Finley knows him well enough by now to be aware that very few people come back from failure.

So they nod, and wait to see if he plans to offer anything more.

He looks over at them, then back at the photo frozen in time on the screen. “Had to tell her I liked that shit, just… you know. After the kids went down to sleep.” He meets Finley’s gaze head on, staring them down.

But he knows them well enough that he knows he never has to spell any of it out, not anymore.

So they nod again. “And it worked?”

“Yeah. Mostly.” He looks away. Finley never knows for sure if they’ve passed the test, not until he keeps talking. “I could put her off with asking for it to happen later. Savvie forgets shit. Half the time by the time she went to sleep, she didn't remember she even brought it up.”

Half the time.

Finley looks back at the video, and hits the play button. Savvie is back to happily chattering about her perfect husband and perfect children, sitting in a café months after the bruised, battered, scarred man and children in question had escaped her grasping fingers and shock collars and cruelty, but before there was enough to bring her in.

She had to have known they were coming for her, by this point. And yet she pretended everything was completely fine, that nothing had happened. She was either so sure her family would throw enough weight around to fix it for her in the end, or…

“She’s completely out of her mind,” Finley whispers. Not that they hadn't said it before. But this… this is different. “She just. Can't deal with it, and so she just doesn't even acknowledge the problem exists. Jax-”

“Yeah, I know how she is. Lucky you, you didn't get that shit up close and personal like I did. This isn't even the worst of her bullshit.”

“Looking at her, you’d never know it.” Finley sits back, not allowing themself to slump. If they can pull this off, there's a four hundred dollar bottle of stupidly priced bourbon they’re going to buy to celebrate. “Look at her. No sign whatsoever of anything but happily ever after. You ran. It’s been months since she last saw you or your children… and she’s calm as can be. She doesn't even know where you are."

“She probably knew where I was.” Jax shrugs, outwardly unbothered. “I mean, she’s a stupid shitsnob, but she knows I'd go to my dad. She knew where I was gonna go if I got away from her.”

“She didn't go for you, though, didn't try to recapture you. At the time, if she knew…”

Jax gives them the stare again. “I know exactly what she did. She freaked out when we were gone, called her bastard shitstain uncle for help. He had people hunting me, until we got to the border. We barely managed to keep out of sight of them. We had to cross the border… we had to.”

“Right, because in the UK… you’re, uh-” They hesitate.

Jax prickles when they hesitate. His eyes narrow, and Finley straightens their posture, refusing to wilt before that stare. “You can say it,” He says, voice flat. “Fucking famous for being kidnapped, right? There were programmes about that shit. Fucking journalists. And I bet once we made it over the border, dear Uncle Isaac told her he wasn't going to risk it anymore, to pack her shit and go home, act normal. Be seen so she could act like she never left. See if they could wait me out.”

Sometimes they forget how watchful Jax is, how well he understands not just Savannah Marcoset herself but the parade of Marcoset family members who treated him like Savvie's toy or worse. He didn't understand it all that well the first time.

Another thing he only has to know because they couldn't keep him safe.

“Right. But that's practical... from a criminal perspective. That's not… this.” They look over at the screen again, frozen once more on Savvie's cheerful, winning smile.

“No.” Jax’s knee is bouncing again. There has always been a hum of energy in him, but even that is held more inside him now. Because they hadn't hammered their case hard enough.

It just hadn't been enough.

It has to be enough this time.

“Jax… we have to show them that Savannah Marcoset. Not the one in this video, but the one who incapacitated you to make it easier for her to harm or control you. She is going to want them to see the act, try to get parole on the table, try to get at least limited access to the children-”

“Which she won't fucking get.” For just a second, the layer of self-protective hostility drops. It’s not panic, not visibly, but it’s close. “I told you, first thing I fucking said, she can't get at my kids. The whole reason I'm fucking doing this is to keep them safe. She can't get her hands on my fucking kids.”

“No,” They say, voice firm, and meet his eyes. He scoots slightly back, arms crossed again, staring at them fixedly with his chin tipped slightly down. They watch him right back. “She won't. We talked about it, I remember. No access, full stop. No presents, no letters, she gets no photos and no updates. Absolutely nothing. Complete termination of parental rights. Complete. No exceptions."

“And prison for-fucking-life, and no parole.”

“No chance. It’s going to be rough, Jax, I won't lie to you. She’s going to put on a show, and we are going to need to systematically dismantle it. Take away all her charm and let them see who you saw, day in and day out.”

He nods, jaw set. Stubborn and determined, and maybe the fire still burns down in there somewhere. His smile is so genuine they nearly wonder if it's real. “Good. Yeah. Uh, how, though?”

They look back over at Savvie, the face filling the screen. Savvie will be magnetic, just like the first time. Not so young, now, not able to play the innocent girl led astray. But she'll play all the greatest hits of sincerity, earnestness, contrition… Jax, by contrast, is all rough edges and bristling quiet. He won't charm anyone so readily. But his story will be what actually happened.

They just need to prove it.

“I had a couple more recordings for us to look at today,” They say, thinking, mind spinning. “But they aren’t urgent. Let’s break early, you head back to see what your little ones are up to, and I'll start drafting an outline of what we prove and how we prove it. I have some ideas. We’ll reconvene here tomorrow at 8 am.”

“Sounds good, yeah.” Jax shifts, restless, ready to get out of the room with Savvie’s face still on the wall.

“Tomorrow we’re going to talk about some… difficult stuff, Jax. Make sure you take it easy tonight.”

He looks at them, then just turns away, grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. “Right. Yeah. Stuff about the kids, or the rape?”

It’s a test again.

God, how Finley hopes they never fail this man, not this time. Not when they couldn't keep him as safe as he deserved to be.

“Just the outline,” They say, casual as can be. “But.. both. All of it. No details yet. But later-”

“Yeah. I’ll be back at 8. Ish.” He leaves before they can say another word, and they sit back, staring after him.

They have mountains of documents to finish sorting through, and a man carrying so much cruelty in his head that if he opens his mouth on the stand, a waterfall might come rushing out. He's covered in scars from Savvie's abuse, has two kids that are living evidence of assault. They have a traumatized little girl in therapy multiple times a week. They have Jax’s devotion to his son and daughter compared to Savvie not even knowing what time of year Izzy was born in.

They have so much.

It has to be enough.

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simpingland · 1 year

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Black and Purple// Jacaerys Velaryon x Dayne!reader.

Gia and Jace have been bethroated since children, but the Targaryen boy feels to good to be true by a simple lady like Gia, that dinner in King's Landing make the naive boy see things more clearly.

Luke, Rhaena and Baela are a bit of Mean Girls troupe here, sorry, but they are all teenagers, I'm being realistic here.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Arriving to Dragonstone was the hardest thing to do as a child. Giannis Dayne was only ten years old when her father bethroted her to the future King, Jacaerys Velaryon. It was the biggest honor for a girl to be chosen to carry the children of the biggest monarch, to birth future King's and lords, but the little girl just wanted to play around her house with her younger sister in the lovely sun of Starfall. Now she was surrounded by dragons in a castle build on an island, she felt trapped. Good thing her future husband was a kind-hearted boy, bad thing he was in love with another girl. Giannis knew in a single instant, the looks he gave to Baela, the hands they hold when they thought nobody saw, the smiles they give one another over the silliest of things, and the poor girl was just there. Luke was nice to Gia as well, but he was not his future husband, he was just a boy, who enjoyed his toys and dragons. Baela and Rhaena always where side by side, Luke and Jace were almost the same, so the poor Giannis spend the first two years alone. Thank the gods princess Rhaenys took her oldest granddaughter with her, now Jace would be more focused, only it wasn't that how it went.

No, because the new girl hated her new home, the kids thought of her as a boring and annoying silly girl, no blood or fire dancing on her veins, she only cared for her looks and gossips. But it was so unfair for her, Giannis wanted to look pretty because it would be the only way she could bring the slightest of attention in such an interesting court. She liked chatting with the ladies and lords visitors because it would be the only way she could gather true and important information, as no Targaryen or Velaryon trusted her. Even princess Rhaenyra, who always found herself fond of the girl, couldn't find much in commun with such a proper lady, but she did worry for her. So she encouraged her oldest son to speak to her, to build a friendship and to court her, but he refused most of the times, he thought she was the main reason why Baela was shipped far away from him.

After Jace's ten and two name day, things started to change. The day started wrong, Jace was stopped from attending a lesson because the day before, he felt and hurt his arm. The maester forbade him, and he then had to find a way to ocuppy his morning. No dragon riding, the valyrian lenguage lessons were not available yet, and the library sounded way too boring, too. Giannis was the only one as bored as him, her septa was sick and they found each other wondering in the darkest and emptiest parts of the castle. They looked at each other, not sure what to say. It was Giannis the first to speak and explain herself.

"You may be wondering what am I doing around here, my prince" she said, dignity and sweetness in her voice. "But I would like you to think that you are not more free of your acts as me, we are both under the controll of the Princess Rhaenyra".

"And what is that suppose to mean?" He asked, she was always so well spoken, so quick and adult...

"That if you don't tell, I won't tell".

Deal, they decided to explore together. At first, the Dayne girl was afraid of the little rats and bats in the dark, and disgusted by the big amount of dust, she was always wearing pretty dresses and she cared for them. It drove Jace a bit mad, but he was way to kind to tell her directly that it was just a dress. They spent the rest of the evening wondering around and they got along surprisingly well...so when the guards found them, they didn't expect to be scolded by Rhaenyra, apparently they have been missing for so long that the entire castle grow worried.

"It was my fault, princess" confessed the girl. "I was so bored in my room that I decided to walk on my own. Jace caught me sneaking and he was too much of a gentlemen to let me alone and too much of a friend to tell on me...but he did try to convince me other wise".

"And he failed to convince you, I see" said Rhaenyra. This way, Jace only got a day of punishment, which consisted on coping a page of a history book all afternoon, while Giannis got three days. Jace feelt so guilty, the only thing he could do was accompany her while she copied. He goofed around, making the afternoon much more interesting and Giannis felt less lonely than usual. Just like that, they became friends, even tho she was still the propiest of ladies and Jace the proudest of the dragons. So they kept their friendship unspoken, they came back to their usual trainings and lessons but the dinners and lunches became more fun.

When they were ten and six, Luke's heritage of Driftmark came into question and the whole family was called to King's Landing. Giannis wasn't fond at all of the idea, Baela was going to be there, and every time she visited, Jace would put her on the spot reservated for Giannis, and Jace's eyes shined brighter than with her. Also, Baela was growing prettier than her, with her dark skin and glowing hair...

Jace proposed her to ride together on dragonback, which she kindly and intensly refused, she would be in the ship, along the children, even more humiliating. Rhaenyra was kind enough to support her reasons, saying that having some more mature company would be good for her. Obviously, she would rather ride her dragon, she was not that heavily pregnant.

"Next time you should accept the offer, dear Giannis" she said, caressing her hair. "You should show him that you can be brave too".

"I know, Princess...but I'm afraid I'm not a dragon myself...no valyrian blood...everyone knows I'm just...not good enough".

"It's not that, my dear, don't even think that... You are just different from what we are...not less than us. I can't even figure it myself the type of woman you are, but I think it just makes you fascinating, my dear...".

Once in the throne room, Giannis thought she wouldn't be focused on the debate, Jace and Baela were seeing each other again and that would be making her cry at night for sure...but when a man was cut in half in the middle of the room, there was not much space for heart matters. She was too traumatised by the sudden act that she realised late in the night that Jace had put himself over her, softly pushing her behind, covering the horrible image from her eyes. That dinner was going to be awkward, that was for sure. Rhaenyra ordered Jace to show Giannis the way to the chamber she was given, but the walk was quiet, something unusual for a boy like Jace, and she knew what it was.

"Nobody really cares for Prince Leanor's memory anymore, do they?" She said, guessing what the boy was thinking, and then waited for his reaction.

He stopped his pacing, looking at her. "I guess not, all they care is for blood, and thrones..."

"But no matter what they say, you own your right for the Seven Kingdoms, my prince...so all you need to remember is that you had a great father...your memories will always be yours."

"He was great, wasn't he? He showed me how to be a proper dragon rider...he taught me how to read himself" He smiled at the memory.

"Yes...he used to tell me tales of love and romance along the history of westeros..."

"Because you couldn't sleep when the storms came" he laughed. "I remember..."

"What does blood gotta do when what you have in common is pure love, Jacaerys?" She dared touch his hand. "You know he was your father, he knew he was your father...much more of a father than what Viserys was to Aegon or Aemond...".

He stroked her hand gently and gave her a kiss in the knuckles. They said goodbye at her door, the day hasn't finished yet.

She was a bit late, later than Baela at least, so she took the seat beside Jace, and the only one available was beside Aemond, right in the middle of the Greens, so she felt extremely uncomfortable, and the Blacks realised it way too late for rearrangement. But the Lady was too kind and formal to show her discomfort. The King Viserys, a lovely man, was ill and upset for his family, and Rhaenyra was the first one standing up as a peace offering. So the night went a bit peaceful. She smiled at Aemond and the rest, even laughing at some tastless jokes of Aegon and paying attention to the incoherent talks of Helaena. Because Aegon was right beside Jace, the constant dirty jokes he made to Giannis were very well heard by him, and Jace found himself worried for her betrothed, Baela was left out by Jace that night, his head was turned on the other direction. Helaena toasted for the future couples, poor sweet girl.

Jace and Giannis shared a look, this time, the lady couldn't fake a smile, deep down Jace always knew she wished for a more attentive husband or betrothed, but he was as much of a teenage as her, but not smarter and much more hot headed. Dancing with her was harder than dancing with a stranger, because he knew that everything done with Giannis will always be more important than being done with a stranger, and if he failed, he would fail a stranger, not failing her. So he asked for Helaena to dance. She wasn't upset about his dancing partner, everyone could see that it was a move of politness and good will, and she felt grateful that, maybe not a "loving", but sure a "respectful" husband she was going to have. Luke started to laugh at something, something her direction and she grow confused. He was looking at Aemond. When the blonde boy punched the table, Giannis jumped on her seat, scared of the men she saw fencing early that day. Jace looked at Giannis, he mentally prepared to jump into Aemond's throat if necessary.

Of couse, another passive attack towards the boys legitimacy and Jace was not having it anymore. A fight started and Giannis stood up, run to Helaena and put her aside the fight, the girl was too naive and the boys were being brutal against each other. The fighting stopped and they were send to their rooms, Giannis included. Before going, she looked at Helaena and smiled softly at her, saying good night to the sweet princess, and she bowed to queen Alicent, all this was seeing by the Velaryon's.

Once out of the room, Luke, Baela and Rhaena looked at Giannis suspiciously, Jace was more angry than anything else. They walked and only Luke was speaking, swearing at his uncles and the sisters agreeing with them.

"Maybe we shouldn't speak to harsh about them, Luke..." said Rhea. "Maybe Giannis gets offended and tell on us to her friends, the greens"

"I'm sorry, what?" She was caught out of guard, trying to approach Jace to try to confort him a bit.

"Don't play the innocent, we all saw." Now it was Luke. "You were getting your head into their arse all night".

"What other thing I could do? It's what I was educated to do..." she was starting to panic, she was never fitted for arguments. "Also..if somebody wouldn't have sit on my chair maybe I wouldn't find myself on that side of the table".

"So it's now my fault that you are such a bootlicker?" Asked Baela.

She was now on the verge of tears. "Call me whatever you want, but somebody has to keep it civil around here, not everything can be solve with threats and violence".

"That's what weak people think" said Baela, bitter.

"Enough" said Jace in a soft tone.

"What would you know of how to resolve things?" Attacked Luke. "All you care about is looking pretty and being the loveliest girl on the room. But you don't have what it takes to be a dragon, so don't talk as if you belonged with us".

"I SAID ENOUGH" sentenced Jace, paralyzing everyone. He turned to look at his youngest brother, and Giannis walked away, sobbing on the way to her chamber.

She didn't remembered, of course she didn't the place was gigantic, it was dark and she couldn't see with the tears. And then she felt somebody touching her shoulder, not sure if she was happy for it or stressed out. But it was Jace, and she was still confused about what she felt. It was then when she was embraced by him when she felt confortable to cry on his chest. He would hush her and touch her hair softly, a bit awkwardly, it was the fist time they have embraced since the lost of Jace's father.

"I'm sorry, Jace, I'm sorry".

"What are you sorry for, my lady?"

"I'll never be the mother a Targaryen king deserves...or a the wife a Velaryon princes is worth..." she separated from his chest, and dried her tears, covering her puffy face from him.

"That's none sense, Gia. You are so smart...so witty...and sensible...you are going to be an incredible mother, and our children will be taught not only history but manners...I'm even afraid of how much trouble they are going to get away with when they learn about such a quiet trouble maker as you...". He smiled when he heard the girl chuckle.

"It's very embarrassing" she kept her eyes low.

"What thing?" He forced his eyes on hers by lowering his head.

"How much I love you..." she confessed.

Jace was never much of a speaker. For him, things were easier done than said, even if her confidence made him seem like a prepared boy. So when she said this, he didn't know what to do, he had paid little mind to his feelings towards Gia, but he trusted his instincts, and if he wanted her to be protected, to be respected and loved, he would act on it, not think or speak about it. So he hesitated only for a few seconds before taking Gia's hands off her face, putting them on his own cheeks, and he put his lips over her lips. A bit hash first, but he stopped for a moment and kissed her again, slowly adjusting to Gia's movements now that she had realised what was happening. He put her closer by her waist, and Gia moved her hands to the back of his neck. When they separated, he stared at her hair, and he walked a finger over the braid that decorated Gia's head. She was still confused.

"I love you too, Gia...and I like that you are everything that I'm not...otherwise, it would be incredibly boring, wouldn't be?".

This made the girl laugh again, she no longer had tears over her face, her eyes glowed over a much happier reason.

"I have a feeling tomorrow there will be a nice weather..." she commented on the way to her chamber. "Maybe...just maybe...I feel like flying with you".

Jace smiled, excited to show her one of his biggest passions. "Well, my lady, I'm afraid is Vermax the one who decides the rider..." he joked. The girl's smile faided a bit. "Lucky you, Vermax adores shiny and pretty things, we have that in common".

She blushed in the darkness of the hall. They kissed again before saying goodnight and they kissed again saying good morning, and they kissed again when Gia was encouraging herself to hop on Vermax. They kissed again above the skies of King's Landing and they never stopped kissing once they arrived at Dragonstone.

#jacaerys #jacaerys velaryon #jacerys velaryon #jace has too many last names #jacaerys x reader #jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon x oc #jacaerys strong #jacaerys targaryen #game of thrones fanfiction #house of the dragon fanfiction #house of the dragon #aemond targaryen #house of the dragon x oc #house of the dragon imagines

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h0n3yk1tt3n · 7 days

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oooooh now im curious what your particular interpretation of the squip is 👀

you asked for it /lh

so i've basically always taken a liking to the "cold emotionless computer that cares only about results and not the suffering that must occur to get said results" approach. a squip's sole purpose is to improve its user's life, right? to have jeremy be horrified over the house fire and have the squip respond to people - teenagers - getting hurt with indifference is a chilling way to set off those alarm bells in jeremy's head that there's something more sinister going on. and then we get to the whole hivemind bit later under the idea that if everyone is squipped, everyone's goals line up with jeremy's and there are less hoops to jump through when human error is removed from the probability pool. (envisioning possible futures, infinite variables spawning infinite room for unfavorable outcomes, yadda yadda yadda.)

the squip presents this as being in jeremy's best interest. "I'm going to improve your life, Jeremy. If I have to take over the entire [student body/world] to do it." (whether the hivemind was a red herring and the plan was always for the squips to get deactivated is another discussion entirely, but it does further emphasize just how many variables the squip had to account for and how determined it was help and/or "help" jeremy.)

sure the squip "emotes" in canon, in so much that it mimics human emotion in order to connect with jeremy and build his trust in it. or in cases where it's being blatantly hurtful a la "everything about you sucks," it's used as an intimidation tactic to scare jeremy into obedience because it brings this air of "wow, it's a scientific fact that i'm awful" and so he wants to listen to its advice and earn its approval. then the squip turns it around halfway through bmc part 2 by praising what jeremy could be when not five seconds earlier it was berating what he was. no emotion the squip is feeling is "real" so it can change them on a dime to suit however it's trying to manipulate jeremy at any given time.

i think they have a really interesting dynamic and i'd love to explore the manipulation and abuse tactics the squip uses on jeremy to wear him down and make him seek out its approval by doing as it says for hopes that he'll be better for it. (see also the quasi-love-bombing in bmc part 2 after the squip basically nitpicked and insulted him for a song and a half and later telling him how much he's improved just before the pitiful children)... and i want to emphasize this as an abusive dynamic between a teenager and a parental/mentor figure.

look no further than the squip calling jeremy "slugger" at the end of bmc part 2 and the script describing it as "very father/son after the ballgame," or hell, the very nature of a squip guiding you through life. it makes a lot of sense for jeremy to latch onto the first "functional adult" figure to waltz into his life and offer to help him because look at his dad. (this isn't shade. i love mr. heere because he reminds me so much of how my dad was when i was in middle-high school.) and the squip leans into this role the moment it sees mr. heere. "That's the source of your genetic material?" "That's my dad, yeah." "We should double those push-ups." it's implicitly saying "yeah your dad is shit, listen to me instead. i can actually help you."

now in case it somehow wasn't clear, i don't want anything to do with technical difficulties as anything even vaguely resembling a ship. but it would be a disservice to not mention that the way that the squip can take away jeremy's bodily autonomy on a whim and the kind of psychological damage that can do to jeremy does draw heavy comparisons to sexually abusive dynamics. (i can talk about how the squip's involvement in dywh completely exacerbated chloe's actions to be far worse than they would've otherwise been if she was just drunkenly bumbling around for four minutes - barring the discussion of whether or not the squip actually intended on letting chloe jump jer's bones or if it knew that she wouldn't actually get that far - until i'm blue in the face, and i have.) that being said, beyond this parallel, it's really not something i want to be super literal about, except in the one scene where it's about as literal as it gets without officially getting there.

which is why the "i'll tenderly guide you // just take me inside you" line works. yes it's creepy. yes it invokes an upsetting idea of where squipemy shippers got their fuel. but it's supposed to be unsettling. this is supposed to be the first real red flag shooting off in the audience's brain saying "hey i think this thing is the bad guy actually," because literally everyone got squicked out by the idea of fake keanu reeves saying this to a teenager.

"ya know for all this talk about the squip being manipulative and creepy, that kinda contradicts the emotionless computer trying to accomplish its goal and Improve Its User's Life thing. why would the squip go out of its way to be gross and mean when it could just present itself more logically, or not have halloween be a shitshow?" well that wouldn't be as fun to watch, for one thing. and for two things, it further emphasizes how it doesn't care who it has to hurt to get what it wants, even if that involves hurting the person that they're guiding.

let's look at the musical after the play. jeremy still has all his popular friends. michael came back for him so they're besties again. his dad is making efforts to actually Be A Dad after presumably years of sulking. and christine doesn't hate him after everything! (you could go as far as to say they even got together if you go off the bway ending.) things are ok.

and it's all because the show progressed exactly how it did.

jeremy had to block michael out so that he'd research into squips and ultimately end up deactivating them all. he had to date brooke in retaliation to jake dating christine so that chloe would want to kill two birds with one stone by getting back at jake and being petty to brooke in the process. the fire had to happen so that jeremy could question how trustworthy his squip really was. jeremy had to blow up at his dad so that he'd get his shit together, enlist michael's help, and have him save jeremy at the play. etc etc ad nauseam. everything had to go Exactly Perfect so that jeremy could come out of it with his old friend, his new friends, a more active dad, and depending on how you view the ending, the girl he'd been chasing after.

all the instances of the squip being manipulative and abusive are all meant to add up for jeremy to slowly realize that this wasn't who he wanted to be. he didn't want to hurt people. he didn't want to endure constant criticism and scorn for who he was. he wanted to like himself and have a support system that liked him too. and he had to go through a lot of shit to realize i shouldn't have to live like this and rebel against the squip and resist the voices in his head so that he could take the steps to actually liking himself for who he was and not for what the squip told him to be.

is this to say that the squip is actually good? NOPE! jer's squip is a textbook lawful evil character right there. maybe neutral evil at best.

you think the constant berating and shocking isn't going to stick with jeremy? voices in my head enforces that the bad voices don't just go away, but that you have know which ones to actually listen to. he's still gonna have "everything about you sucks" floating around in his head until the cows freeze over. like rich, he's going to wish that the "correct" choices could just be given to him instead of accepting that making mistakes is just part of having free will. it came free with your fucking xbox. there is still angst baked into the concept of once having someone smarter than you conditioning you into a certain persona and then being utterly lost when it's gone, even if they were a giant dick to you.

but for all the shitty things that the squip did... it did improve jeremy's life. it gave him a larger friend group, a more present dad, the self worth to say "fuck you, i'm gonna live my life how i want," and for the times when it wasn't nitpicking and abusing... things were good. it built jeremy up too. it encouraged him during agtikbi despite the jake suckerpunch, it acted paternal at the end of bmc part 2, it sounded damn near excited when presenting squipped christine to jeremy. look, here she is! she likes you! i told you you'd have her! sure, we don't really see enough of these nuances after the time jump between act one and two to gauge what things looked like when they were at their best, but you can still see in these small moments that they're there.

and while i'm as much a fan of jeremy being haunted by how much he hurt michael (and by extension how much everyone got hurt, indirectly or not), i'd like to see him be haunted by the good times too. to kinda miss aspects of the squip. to miss not having to think for himself. and to feel bad about it because how can he say he misses the thing that burnt jake's house down. the thing that isolated michael for weeks on end. that led brooke on. that caused so. much. suffering. and jeremy misses it??? i think it would be really fun to explore that not just with jeremy, but with rich as well. it's fun to shit on the squips for being evil bastards and watch rich and jeremy heal and become gleefully spiteful toward everything their squips told them to be, but i also wanna see all the contradicting thoughts and confusion and self-loathing it took for them to get to that point.

that. is a fic i wanna read.

#asks #mj says shit #be more chill #squip #jeremy heere #rich goranski #this post went it places i didn't expect it to but godDAMN the squip is interesting #and a lot of times it's just boiled down to screaming insults at jeremy in fics. or thirst traps. or memes. which hey have fun but..#i want a capital v Villain that makes you Think. personally.#it's SO. MUCH. SMARTER THAN THAT.#squip squad #or the allusion to them ig

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zephrunsimperium · 6 months

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Okay so I've been thinking a lot about what I want to draw cause I really really want to art but I've found myself in an inspiration drought after Inktober. And I was like, "I want to draw stuff from me and @ch4rl13-ch40s's AU but I don't think people on tumblr would love that" and then I realized that I should take my own advice and draw what I want dammit!

Zeph's Human Bill AU: A Summary

I will provide context for each individual drawing, but here's a summary of the AU beneath the cut. I've made it as brief as possible, but it is long please read it I spent hours on it. It's also BillFord stuff, I know this is primarily a FiddAuthor blog.

TW for religious trauma, child abuse/neglect, and drug use/addiction.

Part I: Bill's Backstory

William Cipher was born in the year 1951 in middle of nowhere Oregon. Shortly after entering kindergarten in 1957, Bill received an autism diagnosis (or what was autism in the 50s) and his mother was distraught, especially so because the local pastor told her the autism was caused by a demon possessing him.

Bill's mother quickly pulled him out of kindergarten to "home school" him and broke his leg to keep him from leaving the house. Bill would spend the majority of the next 7 years alone in the attic, reading old books left from the house's previous owners, favoring the thick and dusty math textbooks over the rest. Any time he got to leave the attic, he would collect things - anything to call his, random objects like bottle caps, spare change, pieces of thread, rocks - a habit that would later develop into kleptomania.

Bill grew extremely malnourished with a leg that never healed right. His father rarely interacted with him, but his mother made sure that Bill understood he was corrupted and needed to heal the only way anyone could - through Catholicism. Of course, as time passed, Bill didn't get "better" so his mother got angrier and angrier while Bill's anxiety got worse and worse, his religious rituals developing into crippling OCD. Triangles and the number three in particular became something of a holy symbol of the trinity to him. Arranging objects into threes, drawing triangles on himself and his possessions, counting by threes during panic attacks...

One day, Bill lashed out after his mother discovered the items he'd pilfered from downstairs and tried to take them away along with his precious books. As punishment, his mother splashed acid on his face, an injury that blinded his left eye. In his anger, out of pure impulse, Bill started a fire, fully intending to burn the house down with his parents inside. But while he waited outside, hearing their dying screams, 14 year old Bill realized too late that he regretted it. The police and firemen discovered him nearly catatonic outside the smoking building.

Part II: Backupsmore

After being passed around the foster system, Bill finally graduated high school. Grade school had not nearly been the utopia Bill was hoping it would be, but he still had a little bit of hope left that college would be a bit better. Though he didn't remember much from his childhood, his memories teaching math to an old teddy bear inspired him to declare a major in mathematics education.

Although Bill initially regarded his roommate warily, it didn't take long for him to find common grounds with Stanford Pines. The two bonded over being labeled freaks as children and found comfort in the strange new experience of being understood and seen. Eventually, after battling some internalized homophobia, the two started a secret romance

Unfortunately, all good things come to an end. Summer separated the two lovers and in the terror of being alone, Bill turned to hard drugs to cope. Although he was happy to see Ford again their sophomore year, hiding his budding addiction became a constant anxiety. And to add to his paranoia, Ford made a new friend out of Fiddleford Hadron McGucket. Bill despised the skinny blonde southerner immediately, terrified that Ford would replace him. After months of tension and open hatred between the two, Bill's homicidal impulses reared their ugly head again and he broke Fiddleford's arm. He would have done more, but Ford was able to separate the two. Naturally upset, Ford initiated a roommate swap as soon as he was able.

Part III: Gravity Falls

Bill graduated college out of pure spite and moved back to Oregon since it was familiar. Bill's students there had very mixed opinions of him. Sure, he was a little creepy and his dark humor wasn't for everyone and everyone had a different story to explain his limp and his eye patch, but one thing was undeniable: if you wanted to learn complicated mathematics, he was the best teacher you could hope for. Students from several small Oregon towns took his class for college credit.

After four years however, Bill's teaching career would come to a screeching halt when an accidental meth overdose landed him in the hospital. Unable to find any family or valid emergency contacts, Ford was contacted. Though it was not his initial plan upon being summoned without warning, pity and the softening of memory over time drove Ford to pay Bill's bail for drug possession and take him in with the hopes of keeping him clean.

It only takes a week for Ford and Bill to fall back into their old romantic patterns which come with mixed feelings; Bill is terrified of being abandoned again and Ford is worried about being let down again. Things go quite well for them for about a month or so - and Ford buys a cat for Bill which he names Pythagorus - until a familiar face fresh off of divorce proceedings arrives in Gravity Falls.

After Ford broke up with Bill in college, he and Fiddleford had a brief fling before Ford admitted he was just trying to get over Bill. Fiddleford arrives with the hope of getting back together with Ford, but is horrified to find Ford right back in Bill's "evil clutches." Fidds gets more and more unhinged as his memory gun usage ramps up and Ford tries to keep things civil between the two men.

#gravity falls #bill cipher #stanford pines #human bill cipher #zeph's human bill au #billford #gravity falls au #fiddleford mcgucket

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cartoonnonsensegirl · 3 months

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So, here's my opinion on Fire Emblem: Three Houses thus far...

Verdant Wind was a nice, pretty chill route. I liked the idea of them being the underdogs taking on the more competitive classes in the Academy Phase, and then later finishing off the true villains in the Timeskip. I will mention that I S-Ranked Claude because he's the only house leader that I cared about at the time. The only weak point for me was Claude's S-Rank itself, being that he and Byleth do love each other, but Claude has to leave Fódlan, leaving her to wait for him so they can be reunited.

Azure Moon, on the other hand, was kind of a chore to get through, since nearly everyone seems depressed. I know the story itself explains and shows why, but it had me trudging through, sometimes even procrastinating on finishing the route (also because I started it back in 2020 but then got Animal Crossing and was obsessed with building my island). Two major drawbacks of Azure Moon were 1) Dimitri being basically outta commission for monastery activities until after Gronder Field, and 2) Dedue's disappearance, both of which had me grinding for support points with meal sharing—especially with Dedue, because I wanted him to marry Mercedes. The only redeeming factors about Azure Moon are 1) Dimitri realizing the error of his ways after Gronder Field, and 2) Mercedes and Annette being rays of sunshine. I did S-Rank Dimitri, and one point I'll give it over Claude's S-Rank is that Byleth does become his queen almost instantly.

I'm currently teaching the Black Eagles...and I'm gonna say that I like them more than the Golden Deer (I played all three routes in Three Hopes, and Scarlet Blaze actually won me over more than Golden Wildfire). Their class intro was hilarious (Linhardt sleeping, Petra's language quirks, Edelgard embarrassed by her class, etc.), and their supports are so good; Ferdinand's personality feels overly theatrical and it shows in his supports, for example.

I had originally planned to do Silver Snow first and split the save file to go to Crimson Flower later. I've heard people say that it's best to do Crimson Flower last. However, after unlocking Edelgard's first C-support and hearing her cry in her sleep, I've decided I can't go through with betraying her. I know that when I get there, I'll lose access to certain units—Flayn will say good-bye, but come the timeskip I'll be sparing her and Seteth. I'll also have Claude and Hilda spared so they can be happy together and live for a brighter future. Hopefully it's okay that I never play Silver Snow—the thought of betraying and killing Edelgard after merely listening to her crying for her father in her nightmare-induced sleep is just sickening. Plus, you teach her class to get invested in her and her friends; I am not going to turn her class against her (in Azure Moon, I recruited them mainly because I didn't want Bernadetta to be burned to death). Add to that that I see Byleth as being more of a mother figure who's willing to listen to her students' problems as if they were her own children, and it makes Silver Snow seem like a mother disowning her own daughter whom she nurtured and listened to her issues (the same could be said about Crimson Flower with regards to Rhea, but it's wildly different, and comes off more as a sort of 'divine judgment' from Byleth towards Rhea)

As far as S-Ranks go, I'm planning to either remain single or become Linhardt's wife, since Edelgard belongs with Hubert IMHO.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #black eagles #crimson flower #like i really wanted to get the whole picture #but edelgard crying in her sleep already makes me want to protect her from rhea #...looking at rhea's behavior like i know she basically created byleth to be a vessel for sothis #and is acting like she cares...she's really quite the manipulator #verdant wind kinda hinted at this #and i think rhea forgets that she is basically trying to revive her mother and ultimately a powerful deity who can end rhea if she so wills #i get the feeling crimson flower is basically sothis bringing divine judgment upon rhea

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dragonstepp · 20 days

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Cummittees for we older folks who are liberal and interested

I like the idea of communties, especially for we older folks.

I was born in 1940. My mother married my dad in 1938, after I was born, WW II started, my dad moved us to Los Angeles where my dad tried to join the military and join the war, he was not allowed in because of his wearing glasses, and me. We moved to Las Vegas, a brand-new town building up out of the desert and near Hoover Dam, where he was an architectect and builder, and helped to build Las Vegas out of the desert floor. My sister was born there in 1943.

My dad was getting known as a builder, and a great help to building Las Vegas. He also build a building to be used by the Church of Christ, which was my mother's religious leaning. After WW II was over, in 1946, men started coming back home, including several uncles, my mother's brothers, and my mother told my dad she wanted to take me and my sister back to Corpus Christi, TX, to see her brothers, my uncles. I remember well the train trips from Los Angeles to Corpus Christi, and the many servicemen that were with us. Yes, they loved this little girl of about 5 years old.

After a while, my mother refused to return to her husband, my dad. I am aware that my grandmother was on my side, felt sorry for me as I was definitely my daddy's girl, but of no use. My dad, as a man, was taken up by a woman in Las Vegas, and being a man during those days, was caught up with her. As my mother has informed him that she was not going to return, and Joyce tricked my dad into believing she was pregnant (it was learned later that she was incapable of having children), my mother allowed my dad to get a divorce. The church threw him out. My mother that he bitched that he would not even send her her iron. My sister and I lost all our toys and things because of the loss of our home. We did own our home in a place called Huntridge. I remember the house and the toys and the tub of water when both Patti and I got the measles, then the mumps, one after the other. I remember it all.

Moving forward a many years, my mother married a second time, then they had two children, and Patti and I were left behind as being not his children. In the meantime, we had been led to believe our daddy didn't want us any longer. Patti was young enough not to remember him, but I wasn't, and I was definitely a daddy's girl.

My sister caught fire in 1957. She was burned badly (she did survive, but that is a different story), and my mother contacted my dad. I never got over him, though I was angry because I thought he didn't want me, and after I got out of high school, I moved to Las Vegas to meet and be with him.

Joyce, his second wife, was not a friend of mine. One of her sisters had a daughter Sharon, who taught me how to smoke. I got my first job in Vegas, and lived a pretty good life. But I started drinking. I had my first child in 1961, went back to Corpus, had my step-father theatren to rape me because I had a child out of marriage, and I went back to LV with my daughter. I worked in some of the casinos as change girls, started drinking, and ended up at a dude ranch outside the city where I was a barmaid and a cook, and lived there. I was really drinking by then, had an abortion, had a second child, and moved back to CC in 1964. By then the 60s movement was in full stride. JFK had been murdered, and I was trying to raise two children by myself. I had a good job, but my drinking was out of hand, I gave my two children up to forage, and took over as management of a merchant seaman's bar in late 1964. During the year of 1965, I gave up my two girls for adoption.

Drinking alcohol was my choice during the next few years. I was all involved over the war in Vietnam, drinking, sleeping around, and moving from place to place in 1968. I had had a child in 1967, gave it up for adoption, moved with a couple of friends to Biloxi, MS, got pregnanted one more time, moved to Wichita Falls, TX, had a seond child in 1969, and finally moved back to Corpus Christi, where I tried to find work. I got there, but I didn't stop drinking, and eventually found another job, which I lost because of my drinking. I went to work as a change person, stopped drinking in 1973 because of the alcohol, moved to Austin in 1975, and got real work.

I was at the University of Texas for well over 22 years, and also worked in radio where I programmed Celtic music, and because of the p roblems of women being discriminated against women, finally went into early retirement in 2003. I did some cleaning of apartments for a friend of mine, but when it became difficult for me, stopped, and moved into assisted housing in 2009.

I served on the Board of Directors, put up with a lot of changes of the apartment complex, went suicidal (fourth time over the years), got psysological help in 2019, had a nervous breakdown in 2020, then Covid came along which kept me penned up, wrote my autobiography. In 2021, I started drinking again. I drink my scotch every day, not enough to get drunk (though that happened once because of some music and memories coming together) and drink a few drams every day. I was going to quit smoking, but decided I don't want to do that.

I fight all the time for my rights as a human being, as a woman, for fairness for all. I am a liberal Democrat, support a couple of organizations that help people, and keep up with politics, to my sorrow. I have found Acorn TV and British shows. It keeps me calm. I take an antianxiety pill, in spite of mixing it with alcohol. I have overcome suicide attempts, a life with liars about my father, been able to have him as a friend before he died in 1984, and never been in love or tied myself to anyone. I am independent, survive by my own wits.

And yes, I fell in love with Sam because he is the man I might have been able to survive with half a lifetime (mine) ago. And no, I use common sense, and I know he can not ever be in love with me, and in fact, does not even know I exist. There are reasons why he moved me so much,

If these communities are brought to reality, I know there are other folks in my age group who would be interested. I expect to live a long time. In fact, I have overcome so many things that I believe I must be immortal.

I love this site. It has people who believe as I do, that everyone is equal, has the right for their sexuality, their lifestyle, their habits, their hobbies, their caring for the general population. I love you all, so don't judge me for loving Sam.

Could have used him when I was his age that he is now, and I am well beyond.

Comments and criticisms welcome. But be careful unless you have walked in my shoes.

Carol in Austin

#bad childhood #evil parents #alcohol #cigarettes #sam heughan #scotland #biden #survival

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ariel-seagull-wings · 5 months

Text

THE FEATHERED STAG

@adarkrainbow @princesssarisa @themousefromfantasyland @thealmightyemprex @professorlehnsherr-almashy @makingboneboy @shelleythesapphic @amalthea9 @softlytowardthesun @grimoireoffolkloreandfairytales @amalthea9 @faintingheroine

(Brazilian Folktale)

Once upon a time there was a queen who would be completely happy if she had children. She was, on one occasion, so excited that, not noticing that it was high noon, the time when the angels in Heaven are singing, she shouted:

"My God! For what time it is! Give me a son, even if it's with the face of an animal..."

A son was born to her, strong, well-built, rosy, but with a deer's snout instead of a face. He grew up quickly, very intelligent and pleasant, possessing unusual wisdom and magical virtues. The King and Queen carried him hidden so that no one would know that the heir to the throne had the face of a deer. When he became a young man, the prince asked to be allowed to go out into the world, looking for adventures to forget his physique.

The parents gave permission and the prince traveled on a dark night, so that his father's subjects would not see him. He walked and walked and walked for days and days, until finally he came to a very great and beautiful kingdom.

Right at the entrance to the city there was a sign inviting any man to build a bridge connecting the two parts of the kingdom that were divided by a bottomless abyss, forcing residents to travel almost a hundred leagues. Whoever built the bridge would be paid its weight in gold and would marry one of the king's three daughters.

Otherwise he would suffer the death penalty. Many people had died trying to raise the bridge. When the work was about to end, a windstorm would come up and destroy everything. The deer-faced prince volunteered and was fired. He stood on the edge of the cliff, lay down and slept as if he were at home. He spent almost the entire next day walking around and looking everywhere as if he had no business doing anything. From the highest window of the palace, the princess followed Deer Face's steps.

At dusk, the prince walked back and forth, as if he were praying. He stopped, opened his arms and a cloud and workers appeared on both sides of the ravine, immediately beginning the work. All night there was a rumor of an anthill and at daybreak a stone bridge connected the two banks of the abyss, haunting everyone. The King was very pleased. Deer Face refused the gold and waited for his bride. The King's two daughters would not even admit the idea of someone dreaming of marrying them to an ugly creature like Deer Face. The youngest declared herself ready to be the mysterious prince's wife. It was a marriage made quickly because it was no fun seeing a pretty girl married to a half-man, half-animal guy. After the ceremony, the King asked his son-in-law where he wanted to live.

"In my house, Yeal Sir!"

And he showed a palace that was a Babylon, magically appeared near the King's mansion. The married princess lived happily but Deerface didn't want to accompany his wife anywhere, fearing to embarrass her. The two other princesses married two elegant princes and were proud of their husbands.

It happened that, every few years, the King ordered very popular rides to take place. People came from the end of the world to watch. All the nobles ran to the jousts, with spears, taking the gold rings that were given to the ladies, with much applause from the crowd.

Then followed a dance that lasted all night. The two princesses spent their days examining dresses and dreaming about balls.

The youngest sister looked happy, but she was sad because her husband wouldn't run to the rings with that face. On the morning of the day of the cavalcades, Deer Face called the woman and said to her:

"Here is the dress you shall wear to the party. Give me a bath, catch my lice, perfume my body and I will be locked in a room until you return. I don't want anyone to notice you're missing."

The princess did everything her husband asked and, much against her will, locked him in a room, got dressed, took the carriage and followed. When she appeared on the stage, everyone clapped because she was the prettiest of them all. The race started. In the midst of the knights an unknown man appeared, handsome, strong, well armed and on a horse that was a corisco.

He ran all the jousts and took all the rings. Nobody knew him and when the gentlemen paraded next to the King to greet him, the stranger lowered the silver spear and left all the gold rings in the lap of Deer Face's wife. The people clapped so much that the city roared. Deer Face's wife wanted to shake off the little rings and didn't do so in order not to offend the nobleman, but she took the carriage and returned home.

She found her husband where she left him, asking if she enjoyed the races.

She told what had happened.

"Wouldn't you rather have married a gentleman like the one who gave you the rings than me?"

"I wouldn't exchange my husband for all the gentlemen in this world!"

Replied the little princess.

"Minus two."

Said Deer Face.

The woman didn't understand and the husband didn't explain.

The next day there was the same case. The unknown gentleman reappeared better dressed, better mounted and armed, and won the rings. He went to greet the King and laid them all in the lap of Deer Face's wife. Then he bit his horse on the spurs and disappeared.

The woman came back and told what happened. Deerface asked if she wouldn't be happier with the stranger than with him.

"I wouldn't exchange my husband for all the gentlemen in the world!"

Was the answer.

"Minus two..."

Muttered Deer Face.

In the third, the same feat. Deer Face heard the story and his wife's response and just said:

"Minus two..."

And he ordered the woman to dress for the ball. The woman didn't want to go but he forced her.

The little princess decided not to dance because she only wanted to dance with her husband.

In the middle of the party the mysterious gentleman appeared, so well dressed that it caused astonishment. All the ladies and maidens wanted to dance with him but the gentleman went to where Deer Face's wife was and asked her for the honor of a dance. So as not to be insulted, the girl accepted and they danced with great grace several times.

At midnight the little princess left the ball and returned home. She found Deer Face in the same position and there was the same exchange of questions and answers.

"Minus two..."

He repeated.

In the morning the woman gave food to her husband and went to manage her household. In an old room at the end of the palace, she saw a large, dusty closet. She dusted it off and opened it. What was her surprise when she came across all the clothes that the mysterious gentleman had worn during the three days of the tournament and at the ball the day before. She had her mouth open, looking at those wonders when she heard a moan. She turned and saw Deer Face.

"Didn't you hear me say, four times, minus two? Because every time I had proof of his fidelity, I took two years off the time of my enchantment. This closed room could not be opened because it is outside the government of the house. Your curiosity changed my destiny and I can no longer stay here."

The little princess started to cry. Cara de Veado opened a huge window there and asked the woman to look towards the east and say what she saw. The woman obeyed.

"I see a dark cloud!"

"It's not that one..."

"I see a gray cloud!"

"That's not it..."

"I see a white cloud!"

"This is it! Goodbye!"

The white cloud grew, grew, filled the room and in the middle of it Deer Face jumped.

The cloud rose and rose, and the woman saw a large deer covered in feathers, looking down at her.

And he disappeared. Immediately the palace collapsed as if it were made of smoke.

The little princess returned to her kingly father's palace, crying a lot like an orphan. The King received her very well but the two sisters laughed a lot at her situation.

"Who forced you to marry an animal instead of marrying a human? Go look for your husband in the woods! ..."

The little princess decided to look for her husband around the world. She equipped herself with a rope and walked, walked, walked... One nightfall she arrived at a very clean and pleasant little house, where she saw a clean and smiling old woman who welcomed her with charity. She gave him something to eat and drink. The little princess told her life. The old woman said:

"My daughter, this is dangerous, but as you are protected by God, I will try. Hide behind that stove because when my daughter arrives everything will be cold."

"Who is your daughter?"

"The Moon!"

When the Moon arrived, the little house was bathed in a light that looked like milk. The Moon was in a bad mood, sniffing loudly:

"I smell royal blood here! I smell royal blood here!"

"It's nothing, my daughter. Have dinner and let's talk."

The Moon had dinner and calmed down.

The mother asked:

"My daughter, if a pilgrim arrived here, tired and sad, what would you do?"

"Me, my mother? I would treat her welll ..."

The girl came out from behind the stove and the Moon welcomed her, listening to her tell her story. Then she said:

"I wish to help but I don't know where the Feathered Stag's kingdom is. The one who should know is my godmother, the Night."

The same thing happened in the house of the Night as had happened in the house of the Moon. The Night ignored the reign of the Feathered Stag and indicated the house of the sun. The young princess went on her way. The Sun, calmed by his mother, talked to the girl but warned her about the itinerary.

"I don't know. Those who should know are the Winds."

There went the little princess to the House of Winds. The mother of the Winds fed her, hid her and appeased the fury of her children who arrived howling like desperate people. After dinner, they settled down and started chatting. The North Wind didn't even know the South Wind. The West Wind had already heard about it. The East Wind became important:

"I know where it is. Is far away. It is a beautiful reign, ruled by a deer dressed in very white and shiny plumes. I'll take you tomorrow."

At dawn the mother of the Winds woke up the little princess and said to her:

"My daughter, when you get there, hide in the woods by the Lagoon of the Middle. There are two silver stones on a bank and there all the enchanted animals come to drink water, daily. Make sure that, as soon as the Feathered Deer lowers its head into the water, jump on top of it, hold on to it and don't let go, no matter what. God guide you..."

The wind from the east took the girl and she flew almost all day. At nightfall she left it on a path, near the forest. The girl saw the lagoon. She ran there and hid, next to the two silver stones.

All the animals came to drink, little by little in groups.

At dusk, there was a noise of square sticks and broken branches and the animals all ran away in fear. Then a huge feathered deer appeared, as majestic as a monarch, and it came, came slowly, its nose in the air, suspicious.

He would get closer and suddenly, he would take a jog and be far away. Then he came back, breathing hard, restless. He got so close, so close that he turned his back to the girl's side and put his nose in the water of the lagoon. The girl quickly jumped on top of her, clinging to her neck as if it were a padlock.

The Feathered Stag made more than a thousand jumps, leaps, turns, bellowing, throwing kicks that darkened, rubbing against the trees, running, but the little princess didn't let go and more and more held on in that whirlwind of prances and pirouettes.

The Stag jumped and leaned against the thorns so much that the feathers flew away, one by one. When the Deer got tired and stopped, he was transformed into a handsome and strong prince, with the young princess hanging around his neck. They went together to the palace that stood in the center of the forest.

They entered and were welcomed by the nobles who were the disenchanted animals. A magnificent dinner appeared and they celebrated the end of the penance all night.

In the morning the King, Deer Face's father-in-law, went to look out the window of his palace and saw a castle much more important than his, next door. He sent to ask who lived there and when he found out that his daughter and her husband had returned, he ran to hug them, crying with joy.

There were public celebrations for three days. The two princesses were so furious with their sister's victory that they rushed from the tower, crashing onto the paving stones.

The queen mother of Deer Face, who had been mute all this time, recovered her speech, a sign that God had forgiven her.

#brazil #folklore #folktales #fantasy #fairy tales #literature #animal bridegroom #the search for the lost husband

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