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augustinescruelsummer · 2 years

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you found me | j.seresin

In which everything at her job reminds her of the messy broken up engagement of her and Jake Seresin. What happens when the risk of him coming back is probable? This is inspired by You Found Me by The Fray and uses lyrics. F!READER X J.SERESIN. lyrics are in italics <3. Anyway lmk if you want a part 2 love u guys!

AN: im so proud of this. pls be nice to me im 16 so ofc its not gonna be like insanely crazy writing. but i genuinely had the time of my life writing this, and i want it to serve as a reminder that your feelings are always valid. thank you for reading!

WC: 6.3k. | GIF CRED TO @unicornships

You wiped the pool table down, preparing to open your shift. The feint sound of F-18s soaring far away could still be heard from the beachside location of The Hard Deck, and the sound of the planes made you think of him. Like it did every time someone wearing a Naval uniform sauntered in here, and every time you looked longingly at them like they were him. Every time someone walked in with piercing green eyes and ordered a beer, you thought of him and the way he would look at you when you were both on the verge of falling asleep after a long night. The way he would come home and instantly yell out, “Honey, I’m home!” was brought back to your memory every time someone at the bar used the nickname for you.

Every time someone brought up their fiancé or their upcoming wedding, you would subconsciously twirl the nonexistent ring on that specific finger. You would remember how it felt to have a ring on said finger. When someone would ask you if you were married, you would politely tell them no and find a way to excuse yourself from the conversation. Nausea would always overwhelm you when someone brought up the topic, and it reminded you of how you always said you would flush it. You told them you did that whenever someone asked how bad it affected you. Yet, It still sat in your nightstand, never to be moved. The ring was the exact same as it was the day you took it off.

The bar was bustling by the time it opened, and you had been having a good day so far. The people were being kind to you, but that was mostly because many of them knew who you were. Your regulars stopped by to wish you happy holidays and you figured it was because they were all going on their lavish vacations soon. Christmas was still two weeks away and the decorations sprung around the bar made you remember how the holidays used to feel. Your second Christmas spent by yourself, but this year it’d be with Penny and Amelia at least. But it wasn’t with him.

You spurred yourself from the thought of him, choosing to push his face out of your mind for at least one shift. You couldn’t help thinking of him when working, because it was how you met. Beer cans were opened and celebrations were held, people chanting that it was never too early to celebrate the holidays. You found that sort of counterproductive, since the holiday season had a lot to do with religious purposes usually. Nevertheless, it wasn’t any of your business what people did with their own lives. Penny slid behind the counter, giving your shoulder a tight squeeze. “You seem off in space,” she said nonchalantly while she poured another beer. The bar was beginning to empty out because of the late hour. She shifted her weight and leaned on the side of the bar, raising an eyebrow at your mellow disposition. “What’s going on, kiddo?” She prompted, her soft brown eyes staring at yours. She had always assumed the role of a sister or mother to you, which was probably the latter. You shrugged and made up a bullshit lie to try and shake her, but she was not going to go down without a fight. “Is it the decorations?” She asked jokingly, but when your face tensed her smile dropped. “Is it Jake again, honey?”

The mention of his name made you instantly freeze. You slowly nodded your head and nodded your head over to the pool table, where a small mistletoe was hung by the small table. The site of it, after three years, still being there was surprising. You thought that restaurants would usually change their decoration layout, especially this one. But there it was, after all those years, still hanging. Its leaves pristine with a white glint in it, but you had to assume it was fake. You hoped it was fake. Because everything that came after the mistletoe appeared fake. Maybe some selfish part of your brain hoped this year a girl would kiss an aviator under the mistletoe and end up just like you. To prove to yourself they were all like this to women. It’s not a you problem, it’s just them, everyone had told you when you’d gone completely offline the days after. You needed to prove that there was something wrong with them and it had never been anything about you, and you thought that you owed yourself that much. And you did.

“Do you want me to take it down?” Penny asked you, sliding over to be closer to you as you stared at the stupid plant. “Did you know mistletoe is poisonous?” You blurted out to her, and pushed yourself off the bar. You tried to busy yourself with cleaning, squirting the already clean bar top with spray again to distract yourself from Penny’s pitiful gaze. “So are the people that go under it,” you added bitterly after a beat of silence. Penny sighed and took the bottle out of your hands gently, before telling you that you were done for the day.

You clocked in the next day, your mind indefinitely clearer. You had gone home, thrown some shit at the wall, cried, and gone to bed. You were done being sorry for yourself and the shit he put you through. Why should he have an impact on you right now, presently? He was somewhere off in the world, perfectly fine without you. Penny didn’t comment on your lifted mood, instead choosing to go with the flow of the situation. The mistletoe was still there and you had to resist the urge to go over there and break it apart leaf by leaf. The night moved on consistently, and a certain visitor had caught Penny’s eye. Amelia had called you over to ask about them, because both of you knew Penny never held conversation with singular men at her bar without reason. Not after her own version of your story.

“Who was that, Pen?” You asked nonchalantly, taking the beer she had poured out of her hands. She chuckled to herself, knowing that you were nosy as all get out. It didn’t bother her though, in fact, she needed to talk to someone about what she had just been told. “It was a guy who was close friends with Maverick,” she said to you, her face falling even at the mention of his callsign. You swallowed the lump in your throat, selfishly thinking of him even though she was talking about Maverick. “They think he’s going to come back,” she sighed heavily as she said it, like a weight was lifted off her chest. You squeezed the dishrag in your hand, losing your concentration as you thought of Navial Aviators coming back to North Island. “Hon!” Penny said imperatively, snapping you out of your train of thought. You had squeezed the rag so hard old beer and water had dripped onto your pants, but you were so entranced on the thought of aviators returning you chose not to take notice.

“I just know about Pete,” she informed you softly. “I’m excited to see him if he does come back, I suppose. I don’t know if Jake will come back with him, but I presume not. There’d be no reason too,” Penny continued, grabbing the dish rag out of your shaky hands. She was right, there was no reason for him to come back all these years. As if you being here would stop him, you were nothing, your brain said trying to beat you down. You pushed the thought out of your head to the best of your ability and shrugged your shoulders. “If he does, he does,” you tried to say as stable as you could. “But you know I’m here for you, Pen, if Maverick does come back. It won’t be easy, and you dont have to think it will be.” She nodded her head, quickly wrapping you in a hug before going to attend to another customer.

There were couples everywhere, Navy couples, to be more exact tonight. Your guess was that their training had ended early today, so they chose to take their girlfriends and wives down to The Hard Deck to drink. Saltily, you wanted to say that they only chose this place so they could drink without excuse and beg their significant others to buy them more. Aviators, you thought with an internal eye roll. The old juke box was playing an array of holiday and love songs, due to the amount of couples in the bar. You had been serving left and right, trying not to think about how the male would buy the drinks. He never did that towards the end. Your favorite song was playing through the bar, and the sound of it made you stop. You Found Me by The Fray was coming through the speakers loudly, and couples were preparing to dance on the main floor. You divert your eyes somewhere else, and they land by the pool table. Right as a naval aviator and his wife kissed under the mistletoe, to your lyric. Yours and his lyric.

Lost and insecure, You Found Me, You Found Me, lying on the floor.

The rock on her hand told you they were married, a step you never got the privilege to experience.

Just a little late, You Found Me.

You looked right away as their lips separated, and the whistles from the aviators nearby was enough to make you throw a glass if you could. The song especially overwhelmed you, and you aggressively poured beer as the song continued to play, and happy military wives sang the lyrics back to their husbands. The happy glint in their eyes as they stared up at their counterpart was enough to tell you that they were truly happy. Just like you thought you were with him. You looked down at the dinghy bar floor as the song ended, blinking away tears. How come they were entitled to it, the happy ending, and you weren’t?

The afternoons you worked were always the worst. Slow days, grumpy customers who thought they were entitled to everything, it was truly the whole package. You were tidying up tables when a man walked in, and he was neatly kept. He looked extremely nervous and you took your spot behind the bar as he walked up. He was wearing a TopGun bomber jacket, and your mouth dropped open. Maverick. You tried to play it cool, hoping Penny would stay in the backroom. Or maybe some part of you hoped she came out, and Pete would admit his fairy-tale feelings for her. They could have their happy ending. Just maybe that would be enough for you. But deep down, you knew nothing would ever be enough to satisfy the heartbreak. His aviators dimmed his facial expression, but based on the fact he kept rubbing his hands on his jeans, you knew he was nervous. “Can I help you?” You asked sweetly, but loudly. Ok, so maybe you do want Penny to come out here. Right as he opened his mouth to speak, Penny came barreling from the stockroom. A basket filled with glasses in both hands, and she made eye contact with Maverick instantly. It was like an invisible string would forever tie their presences together, because their eyes found each other instantly.

“Pen–” “Pete–”

The moment was shattered by the basket hitting the floor with a lound clang, and you instantly rushed over to grab it from the floor. Pete got out of his barstool, but you shooed him away. “I’ll let you guys catch up,” you told both of them, trying not to let your jealous tone of voice show. You picked up the basket with more force than necessary, and flung the door out to the beach. You knew Penny could tell you were jealous, but she also knew it was understandable. She also understood that some part of you wished he would come back. That he would say sorry and ask for forgiveness. Beg on his knees and tell you that it had always been you, no one else. But that didn’t happen.

You busied yourself by putting glasses on tables, making sure that the forks were properly in proportion with the knives. You never did that. The fear of walking in on Penny and Maverick having a forgiveness session consumed you, and you would spend all night out here if it meant avoiding that fate. Because you wanted to have that conversation so bad. You wanted to share with him the feelings and words that were stolen from you when he left without another word. There wasn’t a last kiss or last words spoken. There was nothing.

Penny called you back in an hour later, not sharing the details of the conversation, Her eyes were brimmed with tears, and you placed the empty basket on the table before rushing into her arms. Her tears flowed freelt when you hit her embrace, and she sobbed into your shoulder. “I don’t know if I can run the risk again,” she told you through tears. “My heart couldn’t do it.” You comforted her to the best of your ability, but it had never been your strong suit. You took her shift, offering to close for her tonight. She had resisted the offer but eventually gave in when you promised her you had it all under control. “You need to tell Amelia,” you had said. She finally caved after those words and grabbed her purse before hurrying out. The memories of you and the bar all came flooding back when you were by yourself here.

–

THREE YEARS AGO, DECEMBER

It was a cold night in California, which was a rare phenomenon for the usually hot state. You had a scarf wrapped around your neck, which you told your friend beside you that it made you feel a part of the holiday season officially. He laughed before opening the door for you into your favorite place ever, and his. “‘Ma lady,” he said jokingly while holding the door, and you dramatically sauntered into the bar. The place was lively, and couples were everywhere inside the bar. They danced to the music playing on the jukebox, but a mischievous Rooster stood irkingly close to the plug. The sight of all the aviators and the lovers made you smile, and you instantly pulled Jake towards the makeshift dance floor. This was your one off day from the bar, and on that day Penny had put all the decorations up. She gave you a cheery wave and her face lit up at the sight of you and Jake. The December air was still detectable in the bar, but you were so happy it didn’t even get to you. Jake played his usual round of pool, and you stood near him admiring him discreetly. Or so you thought. A tipsy Phoenix fell onto the couch beside you, her unexpected weight on the couch making you snap out of your admiration. She took a long swig of her bottle, biding her time, before throwing an eyebrow up at you. Her lips quirked, “When are you gonna ask him out?” She crossed one leg over the other and placed her chin on her hands, looking at you expectantly. If the question hadn’t caught you so off guard, you would’ve smiled at the sight. Phoenix usually had a serious disposition and it was rare to see her so carefree. She giggled at your silence and stricken expression, before giving your shoulder a light shove. “Our secret,” she put a finger to her lips and made a hush sound. Before you could respond to the scene, she got up suddenly. “Bob! I’m calling you for a dance, my wingman!” She took a last sip of her beer, shoving it into Fanboy’s hands before dragging Bob through the crowd to the center.

You sighed as you watched them become the center of attention, two of the top naval aviators having the time of their lives at a bar somewhere off the beaten path. “Penny for your thoughts, sweetheart?” His charming voice asked, and you cursed yourself for your cheeks warming up at the pet name. “Just thinking about all the dancing people,” you told him honestly, leaning back on the couch. Your hands were empty, choosing to be his designated driver for the night. You knew it was rare he got a day off, and you wanted him to have a couple drinks. He grinned, “You want to dance?” You shrugged, choosing to stay silent. He placed his chin on the pool stick, his smile growing as he stared down at you. After a couple more moments of staring, he held his hand out for you. You took it happily, standing up to face him. He threw his stick to the side before taking his hands in yours and swinging you around the pool table.

Where all my days were spent by a telephone that never rang.

“This is my favorite song!” You told him, and he smiled down at you not saying anything. He spun you around the pool table, and his dancing skills highly impressed you. This would be your favorite song, was all he thought as he led you into the center of the dance floor. All the couples were slow dancing, and even Phoenix and Bob had cleared the floor for this one.

And all I needed was a call that never came.

You leaned your head on his chest and let the lyrics swim in your brain. There were so many situations that came to your mind when you listened to this song, and it made tears brim to your eyes. “Eyes on me, pretty, this is a sweet moment.” You danced around the center before he led you back over to the pool table. His eyes looked into yours softly, and he tightened the arm around your waist. His thoughts were racing about if you thought this was simply a friendly dance, but he thought it was pretty clear there was more.

To the corner of First and Amistad?

He had your back against the pool table, his arms around your waist now. The pressure and tension in the situation was making your thoughts cloudy. His sharp jawline scanned the people nearby before letting his eyes locked on you. His eyes went above you guys, where a plant was hanging from the ceiling. He smirked down at you, and over the loudness of the song told you, “The plant never lies, sweetheart.”

Lost and insecure, You Found Me, You Found Me.

He kissed you. During your favorite line of the whole song. The entirety of the situation made you feel like you were floating on cloud 9, and you clawed at his naval uniform for something to grab. Something for you to ensure that this was real. That this was happening. You grabbed onto his collar, letting the lyrics be the only thing flowing through your mind. The powerful chorus that you had sobbed to many times before was now being woven with one of the happiest memories. He kissed you deeper with every time your lips met again, you slowly being pressed harder against the pool table. You pulled away finally when the chorus ended, both out of breath and in a haze. “We should do that more often,” he joked when he saw your face. You laughed at his humor and took his hand again, leading him through the crowd of the bar. You laughed your way out of the bar, letting the memory be created with the flow of the night.

For years and years and years and years, and you never left me no messages, you never sent me no letters.

The final faint lyrics, the sad ones, were the last ones to be heard as you and Jake left the bar. You were both still in your haze of falling for each other, and the fact you had kissed him. Little kisses were shared until you finally reached his truck, and he asked you if you were ready to go through with the night. You had agreed, the final lyrics of You Found Me fading away, seeming to be unimportant.

–

PRESENTLY

The memory was one so heavy on your heart it hurt to bear, and you turned the music on the jukebox down. You wondered if Penny and Maverick were having a secret rendezvous, the tears shed earlier completely forgotten whenever he was in front of her. Were they kissing like silly teenagers who were afraid to be caught? Would they ever admit they never officially fell out of love with each other? It all seemed so surreal, that Pete happened to come back just when Penny needed him. Something out of a movie, if you were being honest. You were never that fortunate, you thought negatively as you stared out the windows, looking at the beach you had spent many a night with. God, he was everywhere! His memory was always close by, mostly figuratively, but in some cases literally.

Penny had informed you that a group of 12 highly performing naval cadets were on their way to TopGun Academy, and that they had been called back. She had betrayed Maverick’s trust to tell you this, in secret of course, because you both knew what that meant. “Jake,” you murmured. The first time you had said his name out loud, after you stopped cursing his name within the walls of your apartment. “He’s most definitely in the top ten,” you told Penny. She snorted at the irony of you still managing to brag on him. The reality of him coming into the bar was real, especially with Maverick having come to visit earlier. It was only a matter of time. You had spent all these years thinking about the words you would spew at him, and how the anger would flow off your body so visibly anyone would notice. But in reality, you had thought the day would never come. What would you do when you saw him again? What would he do? You had to have meant something more than all the other girls, right? He put a rock on your hand. The rock. The vision of the ring itself was enough to make your face go pale. Or more, the vision of the rings. Sitting side by side in your nightstand, a reminder on how he walked out on the commitment he proposed. It would’ve been officially a year and a half of marriage today, and the thought of him seeing you on said day was scary enough. But truly, what were you going to say to him if you found the courage? There was so much you had wanted to say, but now the want was fading quickly. The year you had spent bottling up your feelings in hoping you would see him again was not coming into use.

The night was young, a new hour on the clock. Every time someone entered the bar you looked for a clean shaven and freshly groomed blonde man. With his sharp green eyes, there was no way you could miss him. You hadn’t even thought of the site of seeing your old friends. His old friends that had quickly become yours. With the messy way Jake had left things with you and them being stationed overseas, your ties and friendships with the other aviators had quickly dissipated. Jake’s wake had affected every aspect of your life, and you were still picking up the pieces. Now, with his coming back, he was here to wash it all away again. He was here to make you begin the healing process again. When you thought about it all as a whole, you had spent that year prepared and begging for a chance to see him again. But now that the chance was here, you realized how scarily unprepared you were to see his face again.

–

A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. JUNE.

The F-18s were flying in a straight line, clearly practicing some sort of exercise. What said exercise was remained unbeknownst to you, and you were staring in admiration at your aviator boyfriend. You were in shock at the set up of the base, and he had taken it to you for the first time on your three year anniversary. The thought of the whole idea was enough to make your heart melt into a line, because you knew Jake feared taking you on base. The F-18s flying earlier landed smoothly in their spots, and Jake’s tour guiding was cut short by your squeal. “”Tasha!” You cried out in joy, running down the tarmac to greet her. You jumped into her arms, and she hugged you tightly. “I’ve missed you, honey!” Jake’s crew had fallen into the routine of calling you that, and claimed it was your own personal call sign. They said it was because of how sweet you were. Coyote had ended the night with a painful rib bruise after he seductively said you were, “sweet like honey.”

Phoenix gave Jake a wink, knowing the events of tonight that were coming. You peeled yourself off Phoenix to give Bob a hug, along with the rest of the group. They all trotted off to the common room, giving Jake the same look. Jake was happy around you, and it influenced him positively in the field. He aided his teammates when they needed it, always a team player. Him and Rooster worked well as a cooperative team, and they all knew they would be back to TopGun Academy sooner or later. They were the best of their kind, and no one would ever be able to compare to their skill. They were a team like no other, and the Navy adored having them around.

Jake pointed out his locker and showed all the pictures he had of you stuck inside of it. You had teased him about putting an excess amount of pictures of you in his locker, to which he had responded by saying that there could never be enough. You both blushed at the exchange, and he quickly ushered you along. His plane sat in the center between Fanboy and Payback’s jets. He popped the cockpit and climbed up, retrieving two polaroids. They were both from the same night, and the thought of him keeping them in his plane made joyful tears come to your eyes. “No crying, baby!” He had said quickly, trying to fan your tears away because he knew you hated it when your mascara got screwed up for stupid reasons. Those reasons included crying. You had gaven him a deep kiss for that with your back against his F-18, until two new cadet wolf-whistled at the scene. Jake had quickly ushered you away, even though he told you later how hot he thought the whole scene was.

He had tried to get you guys cleared to take a trip in his F-18, but Cyclone had quickly shut the idea down. “Are you out of your fucking mind, Seresin?” Was what he actually said, but then briskly apologized for using profanity. It was an outlandish request and a rare one at best. Usually cadets did not have the balls to ask their admiral to take their jet on a joyride. Jake had grinned at his rejection and told him it was no big deal. He expected it, but still got his normal plan approved. His team had all given a unanimous cheer when he walked out with a shit-eating grin and a thumbs up.

Later that night, Jake led you out onto the tarmac to show you the stars from there. He had his helmet in his left hand, the other around your waist as you pointed out your favorite constellations from the ground. He rested his chin on your head, rubbing both his arms up and down your shoulders to keep you warm. He listened to you softly ramble on, until the soft rumble of the jets was heard from behind you guys. You stopped talking, your mind short circuting as you saw the unmistakable quartet fly on opposite sides of the base. Their jet fuel left a mark in the sky, and you watched in awe as they flipped over each other. How did he even get this approved? You wondered to yourself, knowing he definitely downplayed the tricks to the admiral. The jets flew lower to the ground, beginning to land parallel to each other. You were yet to notice, but Rooster was shielded to the side with a firework pump. The hood of the planes came up, and Phoenix, Bob, Payback, and Fanboy all stood up to watch the scene. The fireworks came off as they all stood to their full heights in the planes, and you whipped your head to ask Jake what the hell was happening. A gasp left your mouth as you saw him knelt down on one knee, with a box popped open.

“Baby, from the second I saw you, I knew you were it for me. I have to make it official before the Navy sends me off again. Please, will you marry me, pretty?”

Of course you said yes.

Two months later, when you thought you and your fiancé were preparing to marry each other, everything came crashing down. At first you thought it was a sick joke. The bed was cold, an unusual feat for Jake. You knew the mission was four days out, and you were supposed to be at the courthouse today. He hadn’t told you anything about it, just that it was ‘simple’. There were no difficult G’s that had to be reached or anything to your knowledge, but yet he had looked so scared the past couple of days. You looked over at the bedroom clock in your shared bedroom, seeing that it was seven exactly. Jake’s sheets were crumpled as if he had been tossing, and that’s when you noticed. His closet door was thrown open, the majority of his clothes missing. The hangars tossed in a pile at the foot of it. You slowly got out of bed, your mouth running dry. He had taken his plaques off the wall, and in a hurry you ran to the bathroom.

Gone.

Every toiletry he used had been clearly packed up, his toothbrush dry in his holder. Your heart was beating faster and faster, your hands shaking, and you felt like you were going to pass out. You leaned by the toilet but nothing came out. In a daze, you rushed out of the bathroom flying down the stairs. Praying that Jake just had to leave early or something, and you would grab your phone and see everything was fine. Or maybe a note downstairs, telling you it was an urgent call. Deep down in your heart, you knew he was gone. You flung yourself down the stairs, when an unmistakable light caught your eye. His ring. The morning light ahd caught onto the rock, making it shine brighter. The irony of that. A handwritten note was sitting under it, and you grabbed the paper with shaky hands. There were only four lines on it.

If you love something, set it free.

I have to do that with you. I know you won’t be able to handle me in the military.

I have to do this for me and you.

-Jake

–

PRESENTLY

The memory was sucking the energy out of you as you stood in the backroom, your mind heavy. It felt like it was weighing the rest of your body down, and you had no idea if you could go on with the rest of your shift knowing he could walk in the door. It was all flying straight to your head more than you assumed it was. God, you needed to shake yourself out of this. The backdoor flung open on time, one of your other coworkers who barely worked calling you back out. “It’s getting busy!” She called, not bothering to hear your response as the door flung shut. You washed your hands briskly and then continued to tie your waist apron with shaky hands. Your reflection in the mirror stared back at you for a long moment, and you splashed water on your face. Hoping to remove the forlorn expression the thought of him left on you. Not bothering to look at your new reflection after, you swung the backdoor open and stepped into the bar. The backroom was located by the pool table, and a group of tan uniforms caught your eye. You instantly hung back, scanning the group for him. A few familiar faces lit a fire in your heart, the faces of Phoenix and Bob. They were yet to notice you, and they were engaged in a casual conversation.

Their uniforms adorned all their honors, which had growned significantly since you had seen them last. A sense of pride beamed in your heart as you hurried over to the bar, which faced away from the table. You snuck a look at the group as your shift went on. The hard to miss buzzcut of Fanboy was unmistakbale in the group of cadets, and he was accompanied by a smiling Payback. Bob’s glasses adorned his face like usual, and he swung his head around to the bar as you were looking at him. You quickly slid behind the liquor wall, hoping that you avoided his gaze. You weren’t ready to see them. You had no idea how they felt about you. Unbeknownst to you, the team that seemed unbreakable had fallen apart quickly after Jake left. His reputation grew stomped on and ugly, growing notorious for the opposite of things he was originally known for. The team disbanded when the Navy realized they were not the same anymore, and the chemistry faded just as quickly.

He came in about an hour later. His face adorned with his infamous smirk, and his uniform clad body. Your heart stopped when he stepped in, but he completely by-stepped the bar to see some old friends. You were cleaning tables when he entered, but of course you noticed. You could feel him the second he appeared. The song playing in the jukebox was ironic for the situation. You had successfully evaded the cadets, but you knew that it wouldn’t work for much longer. They were caught up in the fact their team was reunited for an unknown purpose, and the missing precense of Rooster and Jake.

“Bagman!” Phoenix called out, “I like the new callsign.”

“It’s Hangman, Phoenix,” he snapped coldly, taking a poolstick straight out of an unsuspecting cadet's hands.

In the end, everyone ends up alone. But losing her, the only one who’s ever known.

His cold tone made you grimace, and you stayed wiping the same table down. Unfortunate for you, your stupid ‘call sign’ had managed to follow you in to the bar, and when a customer shouted it to grab your attention, heads snapped instantly.

“She’s here?” Hangman asked, and when you both made eye contact it felt like the world froze. You needed to rewind. He wasn’t here. He was just a piece of your imagination. You could blink and he’d be gone, replaced with Coyote’s build. But you knew he wouldn’t be. The other cadets instantly tensed up at the interaction between you, no matter how small it was. You swiftly moved between tables, ignoring Jake calling your nickname. The fact he was coming after you was enough to make you move between dancing couples quicker than ever.

You found me, you found me, lying on the floor, surrounded. Why’d you have to wait? Where were you? Just a little late.

You burst out the backdoor and ran down the porch steps, letting the California breeze bring you to the beachside. The soft hum of your song playing behind you as you looked out onto the water, hopefully shielded from the windows.

Inside, Jake was getting into another tussle with his former team. “I have to talk to her,” he told them with a cold expression. He was trying not to let his facade crack, but it was obvious it cracked the moment he saw you. For a moment, when your eyes met, his face returned to the Jake that the team of daggers had always known. The Jake that wasn’t known for being Hangman.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Phoenix warned carefully, placing her hand on Hangman’s waist in an attempt to hold him back. She knew he was going after you anyway, but she at least wanted to give you some time to yourself. They all knew where you were going. The beach where you always met Jake after rough training sessions. Jake knew exactly where to go, and it was like his mind was on autopilot as he glided between chairs and tables. People and couples danced to his song. “Honey!” He called out, getting a glimpse of your tear brimmed face as you fled the bar. He ran down the steps, trying to catch up to you. You suddenly whipped your head around, not realizing how close he was. The softness of the song from The Deck still playing out on the beach.

Where were you? Where were you?

“You said you needed space, Jake. You were 5,000 miles away in God knows where for a year and a half, and suddenly you think that we’re fine. You wanted space, and now I want it. I want to put a whole fucking universe between us so I don’t have to be reminded of your face and the joy you brought me. Love was not supposed to hurt like that, J.”

The nickname you had always used for him. The letter you wore around your neck on a gold initial for your relationship, one of the first gifts Jake had gotten you.

“Please,” he begged reahcing his hands out for you, “Just let me talk to you.”

“I don’t hate you,” you told him with tears streaming down your face, “after the year we spent apart, Jake, I still can’t hate you. I want to, so bad it hurts. But I can’t. You’ll always have that piece of my heart that I’ll never get back.”

Why’d you have to wait, to find me, to find me?

#hangman #hangman fic #hangman x you #hangman x reader #top gun hangman #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun maverick imagine #topgun #jake seresin #jake seresin fic #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you

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bratshaws · 2 years

Text

goodness gracious 46. brb x oc

its the tiddy jiggle for me

a/n: i had an anxiety attack earlier today but then i wrote this chapter and i got better *thumbs up* fluff saves lives.

check out the fic's playlist made by the sweet @wiipes !!

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: FLUFF FLUFF AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA GOD

chapters:

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36/37/38/39/40/41/42/43/44

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!!)

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3

@lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2 @emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run

Neither of them, once they returned, talked about what had happened outside. It’d be very confusing to explain how one of Beatrice’s old classmates showed up to apologize because there was a suspicion he was following her. Bradley would still share that with Shells later, but now all he wanted was to spend the rest of the night with Bea and the others.

Every once in a while he’d flit his gaze to Beatrice on his lap, check her expression and see if she was looking worried or sad after what happened. He knew she’d slap on a mask of happiness if she felt too overwhelmed, but he had a feeling it wasn’t happening right now. She was happy, she was smiling and laughing, she was leaning against his chest with her pose relaxed.

Him on the other hand, was still a bit miffed by everything. While the whole situation with Damon was weird he tried to change his focus to the real culprit: Eric. Eric, who completely disregarded when Damon told him Beatrice was dating and decided that he should just try to gain her affection again by repeating a pattern that succeeded when they were both teenagers.

He doesn’t know who that guy thinks he is nor why he thinks he has any claims over Beatrice - “claims” as if she was some sort of property - after he spent so long making her life a living hell. Whatever the reason was, it wasn’t valid. Beatrice moved on as she should do, she was with him now and there is no way Eric can ignore that fact for too long. Especially if he tries to do something again, Rooster firmly hoped he wouldn’t pull any other shit like that but the other part wishes he does so he can beat the shit out of him.

After calling Shells of course, that was their deal.

He didn’t have much information about Eric or his family for that matter besides what Bea,Shells and Evelyn told him. He knew he came from a rich family, pompous little shit that he was, and had trouble understanding people could do better without him. But that’d be all he knew, he didn’t even know his last name.

It shouldn’t bother him so much if Beatrice wasn’t bothered by it, but she had a better way of dealing with things than he did. The way she treated Damon so kindly after he explained everything, even if Rooster didn’t believe him at first, was a great way to show how nice she was. She wasn’t naive, he knew that, but she didn’t choose to be rude unless the situation called for it and that was very rare.

Whatever Eric’s plan was he wasn’t succeeding. The very first time he tried talking to Beatrice didn’t work and when he tried asking Damon to do something for him, the guy refused immediately. He knew he’d try something again, he doesn’t know what but he knew he’d pull something out of sleeve, hoping that in some way Beatrice would want him back.

Speaking of which, he was so proud of her for being vocal about her distaste for her ex. He knew she disliked him, but now she just looked tired of his shenanigans and voiced it outloud. She had really changed from ‘I'm nervous talking about my ex’ to ‘I’m angry talking about my ex.’ it was the type of growth he liked to see.

He wasn’t wrong in calling her brave, even if she sometimes didn’t understand why he’d call her brave.

Beatrice looks back at him when he goes quiet, possibly just listening to the conversation instead of joining in, “Hey,” she calls quietly and his eyes stop staring at nothing to meet her own, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he replies, propping his chin on the slope of her shoulder, hugging her tighter on his lap, “Everything is fine. Just thinkin’. “ he kisses the bare skin of her neck for good measure, Beatrice humming softly with her eyes still on him, but she doesn’t say anything, she just leans back against him as the conversation continues.

They stay there for two more hours before they decide it was time to go, Beatrice hugging everyone goodbye and thanking the girls for coming before she grabs his hand and they make their way out of the bar. Once they do, he sees her head face the direction Damon’s car left, a soft sigh leaving her nose, “He’s not a bad guy, you know? Damon.” she says as he leads them to the Bronco, “He’s just…he’s been through a lot.”

“Were you two close in high school?” he asks once they enter the car and Beatrice sighs, leaning back onto the seat.

“Not really, I just felt really bad for him.” she shrugs, “...did you watch the new season of Stranger Things?” he nods while turning on the car, “He’s like Eddie Munson but…without the murder and the demons…he was an outcast back then, a lot more than I was. Came from a bad family life, his father died I think two years before I met him, mother wasn’t…the best…but he wasn’t bad.” she always tried to greet him politely even if he often refused to answer her, but she knew he appreciated it, no one else did. Damon wasn’t bullied like she was, he was mostly ignored by everyone which she isn’t sure if it’s better or worse.

Bradley tsked softly, the corner of his lips lifting in a knowing smile. Of course she would do that. God, she’s too sweet for her own good, “Is it weird that Eric tried talking to him? He said they weren’t friends either.”

Beatrice scoffs, rolling her eyes with so much force it looked like she’d strain them at any moment, “They weren’t, Eric’s friends were the popular kids, the basketball guys, the debate club…those people, he went after status, he didn’t care for the person.” she pauses, “It’s strange he’d come after me then…my parents aren’t rich, even if my dad worked at the bank and no one besides my family knew that my aunt had money so…I’m not sure why he’d come my way.”

After breaking up with Eric she had a strange suspicion it was just because he wanted to prove a point to someone. That he was a good guy for ‘giving the fat girl a chance’...they dated for seven years. She met his family, she met his parents and brothers, she went to their huge mansion for family celebrations. If his family knew they never showed, they were always so nice to her, they really had nothing in common with Eric.

“I just feel bad for Damon.” she whispers, crossing her arms over her bust, “I know how hard his life was and he went to jail twice already. I don’t know if he’s working or something, but at least he looks better than before. I just don’t like the idea of Eric reaching out to him.”

“Me neither.” Rooster says as they near his building, waiting for the garage doors to open, “I think I scared him.”

Beatrice laughs softly, covering her mouth with a hand, “You did. But he’s always been nervous around people, especially guys that are bigger than him.” she looks at the pilot from the corner of her eyes, smiling, “You are actually bigger than Eric too.”

The Bronco rolls into a stop and Rooster tilts his head towards her, “Am I?”

“Oh yes,” she says, leaning closer to peck his lips, “In a lot of ways.” She pulls back after whispering against his lips, giggling when she walks out of the truck and Rooster is still there, blinking out his stupor and following her with his eyes once she stands right outside of the passenger’s door.

He drops his head with a breathy laugh, then inhales when he lifts it back up, biting back his smile. He meets her outside the Bronco, using the hood as support when he leans on a hand, smiling down at her, “Are you going to elaborate?”

“Should I?”

“I’d love it if you did.” he coos, dropping his gaze down her body, “Or you could show me, it’s a win-win situation.” He pushes himself off the hood to approach Beatrice, sliding his big hands on the curve of her waist until they reach the flare of her hips, hooking his fingers on the belt loops of her jeans to bring her closer, his mouth getting closer and closer to hers–

“Bradley! Dear!”

Rooster groans, immediately dropping his head on her shoulder with a heavy sigh making it’s way past his lips. Beatrice only laughs softly, caressing the back of his head when they hear the steps, followed by the repetitive thumping of Mrs.Whitmore cane hitting the floor. The little old lady slowly makes her way over, putting the glasses over her eyes “Hello dear!”

“...hello Mrs.Whitmore.” he says with a strained tone, but he doesn look down at the elderly woman because he isn’t going to ignore her even if he was a bit annoyed by being interrupted, “Back from poker?”

The old lady cackles, opening her black purse and pulling out a wad of money, so much money in fact both Beatrice and Rooster widened their eyes, the brunette looking around the empty parking lot in fear that someone was watching them, “Yes! Look at this!” she shakes the thick stack back and forth, the bills flapping wildly, “Two wins in two days!I’m on fire! Wilma had no chance!” she shoved the stack of notes back inside her purse, patting it once she closed it.

Bradley still looks worried, but he doesn’t stop the old lady from making her way towards the elevator with a happy dance, humming a song neither of them could identify. Unlike the day before, Mrs.Whitmore was actually quite fast when entering, her lens enlarged eyes meeting the couple who was still looking at her, “What are you two waiting for? Come on!” she taps the side of her cane on the open metal doors, “Chop chop!”

Beatrice gives him a look and Rooster sighs again, taking her to the elevator and carefully stepping around Mrs.Whitmore to stand behind her. The older lady presses the button, the doors close and the three of them go up.

She doesn’t mind sharing the space with Mrs.Whitmore, she’s a sweet old lady, she has no idea how…intense…Bradley could be when they were together, it wasn’t her fault. Plus she was a poker player who just waved a thick wad of cash in front of them, which itself was incredible and worrying. Beatrice looks up at Bradley, who is rubbing his eyes with a soft grunt, turning his head towards her with a small smile.

Mrs.Whitmore doesn’t talk much, she’s too busy counting her gains from poker night to talk. When the doors open, she walks out tossing a ‘see you two soon!’ and makes her way over to her own apartment.

The two of them peek by the edge of the elevator’s doors, watching her disappear behind her own and then they walk out. “Second time she shows up.” he says, holding Beatrice’s waist with one hand, “Second time she prevents something magical from happening.”

“Were you planning something in the garage, Bradley?” she asks, watching him pull out his apartment keys. He just gives one look over the shoulder, brown iris dropping down her body with a quick movement before he meets her eyes again, giving her an innocent shrug, “There are cameras there too,you know.”

Bradley hums, unlocking his door, “If you know where to look,” he says, opening the door so she could step inside first, “You can prevent being seen.” the pilot says, his vision lowering to her backside while he pushes the door shut. Beatrice stops in front of him, placing her hands on her hips with one brow going up in question, “You look really good.”

A soft chortle makes its way out of her mouth, her head angling to the opposite side with a shake of amusement, “You just like looking at my ass.”

“I do, is that a crime?” he asks with his eyes back on it, “I’d gladly go to jail because of that.”

“Oh shush.” she laughs, leaning over the couch to pet Jolene who had just woken up from her nap and was tapping her tail wildly on the cushions. The pittie then drags her attention to Rooster, pushing herself up to her hind legs to greet him by nearing the armrest of the couch. Rooster cups her face and squeezes it a bit so the loose skin around her head folds and creases like a cloth, before he flaps her ears quickly while asking if she had a good nap. “I don’t think she needs to go potty again? The doggy pad is empty right now.”

“Eh, she’s fine,” he says, “Aren’t you girlie? Huh?” he flaps her ears one more time, chuckling when the pittie playfully growls at him, the tip of her long tail slapping on the couch. Bradley pulls back from holding Jolene to meet Beatrice in their- his kitchen. He stops by the doorframe, repeating the word in his head with his eyes wide, then shaking it when he notices how he shouldn’t be thinking like that, especially since they weren’t living together… a voice, that weirdly reminded him of Pete’s, said ‘yet.’

He clears his throat, focusing on what Beatrice was doing. She was pouring some water in a glass then bringing it to her lips. She hadn’t drank a lot, possibly because she wasn’t…strong to alcohol like Bradley was, she could get giggly quite quickly as he remembers from the other times they drank together. Beatrice looks towards him with the glass on her lips, his jacket still around her shoulders.

She looks at home.

She looks like she belongs here.

No. Stop this.

“I got thirsty.” she says, lifting her glass for emphasis, “I talked a lot tonight, my throat is so dry.” Beatrice takes another sip, smiling back at Bradley when he just leans on the door frame, “What?”

He shakes his head with his lips pursed, ‘Nothin’.” he begins, “I like looking at you. Always did.”

The memory of Penny saying he always looked is brought back quickly, her cheeks reddening as she lowers the glass into the sink, “Yeah?” he nods, “I might’ve heard something about that.” she crosses her arms, leaning her lower back against the sink counter, the two keeping eye contact, “To be fair, I like looking at you too. Always did.” she smiles, “You are hard to miss.”

He immediately looks down at his Hawaiian shirt, then gives her an unimpressed look, “Oh, ha-ha, hilarious.” but he is laughing alongside her not being able to help himself, pushing himself off the threshold to step deeper into the kitchen, standing right in front of her, “You on the other hand, always hid from me.” she blushes more, looking away, “I know why, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t like trying to find you around the bar.”

Beatrice laughs, draping her arms around his shoulders, the jacket’s sleeves going higher on her forearms exposing her tattoos, “Well…I’m glad I’m not hiding from you anymore.” she says, her lips curling into a sweet grin, “I really am.”

“So am I.” Rooster replies, rubbing the pad of his thumb on the swell of her cheek, just looking deep into her eyes. He didn’t want her to go. God he really didn’t. He knew he had to say something before he just blurted it out like it was nothing…but how? How could he just say ‘hey move in with me after four months that’s definitely a good idea?’...well,if he had told Mav about it…what would he say?

“You should follow what your heart is telling you to do. Just like the first time.”

Thank you Imaginary Maverick.

He licked his lips, “Bea, listen.” she tilts her head in question, still smiling as his hands cup her hips, “...I…I…well, um…” he clears his throat once, “Listen, this is kinda crazy. But…do you want to live together? You, me and Jojo?”

It’s quiet enough that he can hear her soft inhale of surprise, the hands holding her arms around his neck clenched tight on the jacket’s fabric, so tight he could hear the subtle creaking of her hands squeezing the fake leather. She stared up at him, wide eyes, mouth parted, her face so red she looked like a ripe tomato ready to be plucked out of its stem.

She gasps softly, “...you want–you…” she couldn’t say it, her heart was beating so hard in her chest she couldn’t comprehend what was happening. This couldn’t be real, this was a dream, there’s no way that what she thought about earlier that morning was actually true. “...you want us to live together.”

“Yeah.”

“...Rooster,” she cups his face in her hands, “Are you serious? You aren’t joking?” he shakes his head while she still has it in a firm hold. Beatrice is still astounded, still not believing this was happening. Four months, crazy right? But for a couple that said ‘i love you’ after one month…what was there to be expected?

She dropped her hands from his face, then cupped her mouth as tears started to form in the corner of her eyes as she tried to calm herself. Once when she and Eric were five years into their relationship, she suggested they move in together so he wouldn’t have to travel so far from where he lived to visit her in Little Italy. He said no, thought it was too soon, thought it wouldn’t work.

She respected it, even if she was hurt, she did. Five years turned into six,then the final seven when she finally pulled the plug. She didn’t know if this was…odd. She didn’t know if this was normal? She said she loved Eric after two years, she said she loved Rooster after one month.

She wanted to move in with Eric after five years.

She wanted to move in with Rooster after four months.

The longer she thought about it, the longer she noticed that maybe, just maybe, it didn’t matter the time you spent together if the way the other person was with you made you feel like you’ve known each other for ages. Beatrice couldn’t stop the tears, even if she tried, still covering her mouth with both of her hands as she looks up at his worried face, “Bea–”

“I-I want that too.” she whispers, wiping her face with both of her hands, “I-I do. I-I this is…very–I want it too, Roos. So much.”

He felt like a huge weight left his shoulders, he felt his own eyes prickling with tears but he was smiling and she was smiling and they were both laughing like two teenagers. It was a huge step, of course, and there was still a lot to be talked about…but it was a start nonetheless.

He picked her up by the waist, kissing her over and over, ‘i love you’s’ being spoken between the two like a secret that only they could know about. But the happiness surrounding them was so intense he was sure it could burn the sun itself. When he put her down, after a few more kisses “Okay.” he sighs, “Wow, that felt good.”

“It did.” she smiles, rubbing his cheek, “...I can’t believe we–you…” she couldn’t finish her sentence, covering her red face with both hands and laughing, “I…I’ve always wanted to move in with my boyfriend.” she says sweetly, “But I think it was the wrong one.”

Rooster chuckles, leaning down to peck her on the forehead, wrapping his arms around her middle. “Sure was.”

Part of her, the goblin-voiced demon of doubt in the back of her brain, screamed that it was too soon, too quick, he’d grow tired, he’d grow bored. He’d want nothing to do with her within the first two months living together. But… they already had a routine, per se, since they spent so long together before.

They’d need to talk a lot about it, make a list of things…but for now, for right now, she was so happy she couldn’t stop smiling. He leans down to kiss her lips, moaning into her mouth when she opens it, her hands climbing up his hair to caress his scalp, laughing into his mouth when he cups his hands on her ass and bounced her up into his arms, “...bedroom?” she asks with a quiet laugh.

“Fuck, you read my mind.” he says, hurriedly making his way over and kicking the door closed.

“You know,” she begins, making random patterns in the middle of his chest as she lies by his side, “Shells and Penny will freak out as soon as they know about it.”

Bradley chuckles, his own hand moving up and down on her bare back as he looks up to the ceiling, “Shells and Penny? Wait till you see Mav. He’s going to lose his mind.” and he will, he could already see his expression when he finds out. Beatrice lifts her head from where it rested on his shoulder, holding herself up by her elbows with her hair falling over her eyes, moving it out of the way with a quick flick of her head.

He whistles low, “Damn, Gilda, are you decent?” he jokes, Beatrice immediately recognizes the line and laughs, running her hand through her messy hair to calm the strands down as she looks down at him.

“Sure, I’m decent.” she replies, leaning down to kiss his forehead and try to comb his own messy waves the best she could. She then sighs, her arm falling back on the bed “...Roos, I still can’t believe it, you know? It’s…really wild to me.”

“A good wild?”

“..the best kind.” she chuckles, dropping her eyes to her hands, rubbing her fingers nervously, “I just…I just don’t want to, you know, make you change some things because of me. You don’t have to.”

Bradley frowns a bit, pushing himself to his elbows so he could lie on his side, supporting his head on a hand, “Gorgeous.” he begins, twirling a strand of brown hair between his fingers “You don’t have to worry about that, you aren’t a bother to me.” he could see she was doubtful, the apology on the tip of her tongue, “Hey, listen, here’s the deal. Let’s give ourselves…past the New Year, then we can worry about that. How’s it?”

“Past the new year?” he nods, “Why?”

“You want to have your New Years party, don’t you? I’d hate to prevent you from having that.” he smiles, enjoying how her eyes widened like saucers and her lips parted in a soft gasp, “In the meantime,we’ll go back and forth between your house and my apartment. We’d still have to figure out what we can do and…you know, guess how much time we’d need to get everything ready.”

Beatrice just stared at his boyish smile, his unbothered shrug and the way his eyes sparkled when he said that with her own eyes shining with tears, “...Brad…you–you are just too much.”

“Oh,” he waggled his eyebrows, “I know, especially according to you.” she moves her gaze away with the same red blush, but her smile never falters.

“You are relentless.” he hums positively, agreeing with her, “But…thank you. I’d like that. So it gives us time to research too, right?”

“Yep. But for now, let’s keep that between us.” he suggests, “Let’s surprise everyone.”

“They will be very surprised.” she agrees, giggling to herself, but leaning closer to peck his lips, “I can do that.”

#bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x oc #top gun maverick #bradley bradshaw x reader

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withacapitalp · 1 year

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Hehehe sappy New Years post today bc yesterday did not go the way I expected. It’s still the new year day!!!

But God I do not know how to explain 2022.

My favorite word is dichotomy. For a lot of reasons, but also because I feel like it describes my life a lot. Because 2022 was the best and worst year of my life so far. I got to teach the most amazing group of children I have ever met, and did well enough that they’re personally asking me to come back and teach there, I wrote my thesis, worked three jobs, managed to graduate on time with a double major no one had ever attempted at my college, all the while interning and volunteering on the side and going to conferences to speak about my research.

And the entire time- as I genuinely, honestly, loved every minute- I was spiraling inside.

It was so bizarre to me, all of the bad stuff was over, everything should have been good. Only the most amazing things were coming my way, things most people dream about getting in their lives, and I was so upset I couldn’t breathe some days. In my criminally logical brain I couldn’t understand why I was fine through everything bad, but now that things were good I really wasn’t okay.

That’s the thing. When you’ve lived in survival mode for fifteen of the twenty one years of your life, you don’t realize the crash that comes from finally escaping the thing that was trying to kill you. I’d spent so long just getting by, that I had no idea how to live now that I had the chance. I was trying, and doing pretty well, but it just felt so…broken for lack of a better term.

But I kept with it. I loved when I could, and I healed whatever was possible to heal.

Which brings me to August, which brings me to Stranger Things, which brings me to one of the most amazing groups of people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Friends, Confidants, Creators, Inventors…Everything. Not only did I get a reinvigorated love for my writing, but I also got just the most lovely people in the whole world. At the risk of being too sappy, something that is more valuable to me than even my writing. People who slid into my life like they had always meant to be there, who understood me in ways I never expected to be understood.

I don’t know how to explain the absolute insanity for me of jumping into a server, having them all be on talking so fast my head was spinning, mildly considering just running for the hills bc how was I going to fit into a group that was already working so well together??, then saying fuck it and just giving them me exactly as I was, only to find they actually really liked that person, and I found that I did too.

Love is a weird concept for a lot of people, they think it has to be something deep and sacred. I just think it’s a gut instinct kind of pull, if it's deep, it's deep, if it isn't, it's still valid and true, and I haven’t met a person in this fandom who hasn’t had that same kind of pull for me.

From the people I’ve talked to once, to the ones I talk to every day, to the ones I don’t talk to at all who just hang out in my notes and sometimes leave tags on their reblogs (Yes I see you! I know you all by name and I get excited when I see its you in my notifications). From the people who comment on all my stories, to the ones who I see every day on my daily drabbles….I dunno it’s just really interesting to feel valued and not immediately want to shy away from that.

My New Years resolution as always is to be more in connection with people so! If you’ve ever had the urge to talk to me pls don’t hesitate to reach out. I generally dont bite, and I tend to be an okay person haha!

Anyway my sappy post has gotten as sappy and indulgent as I should let it be. Suffice to say that messed up kid I was in January, the one who had no clue what was coming and was afraid to hope for better, well he was finally able to let down his guard a little, and look what the universe had planned! I hate to say it, because it feels like a jinx, but I think ’23 is gonna be our year :D I'm knocking on wood aggressively as I type this, so hopefully that's enough

Tagging my mutuals/people who always make me so happy to see bc hey we all are and if y’all are being mushy I will also get to be mushy. I am sorry if I didn’t tag you it is not a ‘I don’t care’ and more a ‘I got five hours of sleep after being at the hospital for literally the entire night’ Love you guys!!!!

@stevethehairington @henderdads @thefreakandthehair @strawberryspence @gothbat99 @steddieassheg0es @riality-check @hexmionegranger @reindeerrobin @rougenancy @eddieunbanished @bonitabreezy @horsegirleddiemunson @maxinemaxmayfield @ruthofrhythm @willowworkswithwords @h0n3y-dw @marshmellowpaint @silverysnake @lizisodd @thelastwalkingsoul @aringofsalt @babyboyargyle @flowercrowngods @manda-panda-monium

#sappy New Years post #Liam edition lol #anyways I love you all to death #I think Lex was the first one to do this?#Which tracks bc she usually starts the train of amazing #but I just felt like hey gratitude time!#not stranger things #Liam speaks up

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hella1975 · 1 year

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hi okay so, this is a piece of shitty poetry i wrote just now after thinking about your protrayal of zuko (again) and wanted to share bc im a dumb bitch who craves validation and needs to know what you think of this. and if i put a little too much of myself into it in the process, and it became more about my weird relationship with being trans than zuko, it's irrelevant, dont ask questions! it was about zuko initially and i still think it can kinda be applied to him so thats all that matters!! pls forgive the lack of capitalisation, its turned off on my phone and im too lazy to change it :,)

(you dont have to read the next part but if u finish the poem and think it sucks it will explain why lmfao)

BUT FIRST, i need to clarify that ive never written poetry in my life, i know nothing about writing, and my punctuation is definitely all over the place. this whole thing for sure sucks but i have an excuse!! a flimsy one, sure, but still an excuse! im 16 and dont remember ever actually learning gow to write, or all about punctuation or any of that jazz. this is more of a stream of consciousness than a poem. and its just a rough draft so, very unfinished too!! so if u really dont like it that will explain why. basically the point of this whole paragraph is just to tell you that im dumb but im also terrified so please be nice to me bc i will cry and that is a threat! (if im starting to sound hysterical and like im spiralling its bc i am okay pls ignore it)

okay so enough excuses, here she is:

this deep, harsh, incessant feeling of shame harbouring in the bottom of my gut is to me, what roots are to a tree,

solid, strong, and stable,

intertwined with my bones and rooted within my very being.

it feeds me and mother me, swaddling me like an infant and rocking me to sleep from within its familiar, welcoming grasp.

I need it for survival, so integral in my very existence that ripping us apart would destroy all thats left within me.

But yet, we are so very unlike that beautiful symbiosis that the root and plant achieve,

that sweet, simple promise, void of all evil, so pure and light that it, He speaks vengefully about it, spitting sour words into my face and whispering harsh lies into my ears.

Our promise is not so gentle. it solely benefits Him, throwing all of me into the dirt and replacing him with a new unidentifiable creature, borne of self hatred and a need to become something, anything else. a dire need to detach myself from everything ive ever been and anything i could possibly become.

He is a parasite, a horrible looming creature, a cruel beast, making me cower in fear within my own, wretched body. He is cruel, intent on toppling the civilisation i spent so long building, the kingdom of my ego, my heart, my emotion; while i sit, and i watch, and i do nothing.

i may need Him to push the breathe from my lungs and carry the blood through my veins, but, He does not need me. He will never need me. im merely another of his children, an effortlessly replaceable thing. a shameful, ugly creature that He does not care for. that He does love. that He does not need. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me. He does not want me.

anonstie i absolutely adored this you cant write something with the theme of shame written with visceral nature imagery and expect me not to go stupid crazy. the way it starts so structured and delicate just to end with that hysterical repetition like it's all falling apart and i LOVE your wording of things, like 'our promise is not so gentle' is such a sick line. im obsessed with this tysm for sending it me!

#as a writer who also never properly got taught anything and had to figure everything out alone i am GRABBING you by the shoulders rn #this is so good and there was no need to be so doubtful of yourself! i hope you keep writing :)#ask

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sincewereahoe · 1 year

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Pls update us on how it’s going! I’m super bad at time zones but it’s Friday night now where I am so I’m not sure if it’s already happened for you or if it’s about to happen lmao. Either way, fingers crossed for you! Youve been such an inspiration and such a big help for me these past few years, you don’t even know. You deserve only the best!!

Hiiiii thank you that was very sweet.

Sorry I’m late with an update. Tbh I don’t have a whole lot of words for this weekend. The quickest answer is, it’s definitely over.

I went to his friends thing on Friday night and it was fine. Leading up all week to the Friday I was still feeling anxious about what was going on in his mind. The party was okay. There was a lot of people there and I knew a few of them but a lot of them I didn’t and felt kinda unsure. He was off talking with people which slightly annoyed me just because it was like 30 + people and I just wished he’d checked in more. He stayed over and did have sex that night.

Saturday morning we had breakfast together but he was going to come back in the evening as we had something’s we needed to do.

He came back in the evening and we cuddled on my couch and watched The Sex Lives of College Girls for a while. We then started making out doing down on one another but he couldn’t stay hard so no sex. We cuddled up. But I could feel something off and I didn’t want to go much longer without explicitly talking about everything myself too. I asked how he was feeling about everything and he said he loved being with me but wasn’t sure if he’s able to be in a relationship emotionally.

What I gathered is he deeply wants a relationship but literally is too emotionally detached to have one. He loves the idea of being in a relationship more than he knows how to be in one. He said he gets anxious by the end of a weekend and just wants to be alone. Which I said was odd because I barely see him and all I want is more time with him. But I told him that when he finds the right girl he will want to spend all his time with them, he could talk to them for hours and feel at peace with them.

I know I should be incredibly upset and I’m still sad obviously, but I’m genuinely at peace with it. It felt like the closure I needed. It made me feel validated in all the ways I felt and all the things I was confused about. I know maybe from the outside it seems like a lame answer from him and that he’s just playing me but I genuinely know he wasn’t. If anything I feel so deeply sad for him. He said so many things that kinda just break my heart, I have no idea how he’s ever going to fix himself. I see flashes of such a deep and caring person who is so kind and would do anything for anyone but then you hit a wall with him and he refuses to let it down.

We spent more time on the couch naked as we cuddled and talked. We both knew it was over but I said I didn’t want him to feel he needed to leave. He stayed the night and we just cuddled all night long. He’s never cuddled and looked at me so much.

I’m sad, and I’m going to miss the physical part of it. Cuddling in particular, and almost wish still we could have some arrangement of just the occasional night we hang out and cuddle. But it’s probably not gonna happen. And emotionally I’m sad, but I’m gonna be okay. Now that I know, I feel completely at peace with the whole thing. It didn’t work out and some things did hurt but I’m a firm believer everyone comes into your life for a reason. I was in such a dark place before him and I think needed someone like him to help me move on.

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ploppythespaceship · 4 years

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In Defense of Will Riker

Riker gets such an unfair reputation in the Star Trek fandom. So many people genuinely can’t stand the guy, which is their right. He can be a somewhat boring character with a strange and even nonexistent character arc. But a lot of this dislike stems from the idea that Riker is a sexist, misogynistic creep who is actively trying to get into the pants of every woman he meets. Which is so far from the truth, I don’t understand how it’s still the perception.

First of all, we’ve done this song and dance with Kirk before. Enjoying dating and sex does not make someone a creep. If everyone involved is a consenting adult, it shouldn’t matter who you’re dating and/or sleeping with.

Secondly, TNG goes out of its way to show that Riker is a great guy. If you actually go through his episodes and look at how he treats both the women he works with and the women he’s interested in, you’ll see that he always treats them with respect. And in instances where he has an easy opportunity to take advantage, he never does it. Because Will Riker is a gentleman who drinks his respect women juice.

I’m so sick of this argument that under the cut I’ve compiled all of Riker’s important relationships with women on the show to demonstrate exactly what I mean.

I pulled most of these from the relationships section of Riker’s Memory-Alpha page, which is pretty thorough, and a few just from memory since I rewatched the whole show pretty recently. I don’t think anything relevant has been left out, but feel free to let me know if you think of something else. I’m all for some civil discussion of these things! Emphasis on civil.

Deanna Troi

Starting with the big one! The very first episode establishes that they have a romantic history, and have since split up. The details of their relationship are pretty scarce, but it’s clear that they had an intense, intimate connection. Initially they’re awkward but professional around one another, and this eventually softens into genuine friendship. They are close, possibly closer than anyone else on the ship. But Will never, not once, pressures Deanna into romance with him. He is entirely respectful towards her. In a few episodes they’re possibly shown to be dating again (it’s unclear) but Deanna gives no indication of being uncomfortable with this arrangement. When they officially get back together in the films, their feelings are clearly mutual and neither is being pressured into anything.

Frankly, Will and Deanna are an excellent example of a healthy relationship with one’s ex, respecting boundaries while maintaining closeness. The two of them are always shown supporting each other. It always bugs me that people think there’s something insidious going on here. Will isn’t just trying to get back into her pants. He genuinely loves and respects her.

And it’s worth mentioning that in “Second Chances”, when Deanna is interested in dating the alternate version of him (later known as Thomas), Will clearly isn’t thrilled about it, but also respects her decision and does nothing to intervene. When she talks to him about it, he is very clear that he does not expect her to ask for his opinion or for his approval, and that as long as she’s happy, he supports her.

Tasha Yar

Frankly they don’t have many distinct interactions that I recall, but Riker treats her the same as he treats everyone else on the crew. He is respectful of her, her rank, and her position.

Beverly Crusher

Not a hint of romance in their relationship. They are friends with a healthy connection built on mutual trust. Again, he is respectful of her, her rank, and her position.

Kathryn Pulaski

You can copy paste everything I said about Crusher, tbh. They’re friends and quite respectful of one another. Nothing untoward happening here.

Lwaxana Troi

Lwaxana flirts with Riker sometimes. Cause she flirts with everyone. Though she leaves him alone a bit more since he’s involved with her daughter. And yet again, Riker is entirely respectful of her, though he does gently have to tell her to back off at times. Eventually they settle into the classic son-in-law / mother-in-law relationship.

Beata (“Angel One”)

Does this episode suck? Yep. Is this relationship awkward as hell? God, yes. Is Riker being misogynistic? Nope! He actually goes out of his way to be respectful of this matriarchal society’s customs, even wearing an outfit that many in his culture would consider demeaning. Not to mention, Beata is primarily the one coming onto him, not the other way around. He’s simply reciprocating. It might be poor judgment, but it’s again entirely mutual and consensual.

Minuet (“11001001″)

Riker goes into the holodeck to relax, and then meets a nice holograhic lady to help him do just that... and people get mad that he enjoys that? Minuet is programmed specifically for this. Not to mention the Bynars literally designed her to be irresistible for him. Of course he’s gonna be besotted with her. And, issues of hologram sentience aside (Trek hadn’t delved too deelpy into it by that point), this is once again entirely consensual.

Minuet does pop up again in “Future Imperfect”, sort of, simply because Barash needed to choose a figure to serve as Riker’s late wife. With someone unable to distinguish holodeck memories from real ones, Minuet would seem like a perfectly reasonable choice.

Brenna Odell (“Up the Long Ladder”)

This is an entirely consensual one night stand. The feelings are clearly mutual. Even while they’re bickering, it’s obvious there’s an attraction underneath it, on both sides. Again, their fling might be poor judgment, but absolutely not misogyny.

Yuta (“The Vengeance Factor”)

This is one of the few episodes where I can see why their relationship might make some viewers uncomfortable, but I also think it’s the most telling as to why Riker is not the creep people assume him to be.

The cultural and status differences between them place Riker at a clear power advantage compared to Yuta, which makes for an imbalance. Yuta is a servant, and her entire mindset is that of serving others. Having a relationship on equal footing with someone like Riker is entirely foreign to her, and she struggles against her instincts to follow all of his wishes without question. That being said, Riker does basically everything he possibly can to address and negate that imbalance. He does his utmost to respect her and her position. He doesn’t force her into anything she isn’t ready for. Any time she tries to fill the role of a servant for him, he stops her to explain that he wants her to be his equal. You could argue that this relationship is inappropriate regardless, because the power imbalance still exists whether he wishes it to or not, but I think it’s important to note how dedicated he is to not taking advantage of this girl.

And of course, at the end of the episode he is forced to choose duty over love and must kill her, but it’s hardly his fault that she’s a secret assassin.

Lal (“The Offspring”)

He flirted with her while unaware of who she was, and stopped immediately upon realizing. And she kissed him, not the other way around. Just look at his face! He clearly didn’t expect that. He did absolutely nothing wrong here. Using this brief scene against his character is just absurd.

Commander Shelby (“The Best of Both Worlds”)

For some reason the consensus in this episode is that Riker is rude to Shelby because she doesn’t want to sleep with him. And that’s just a complete and utter misread of the episode.

First, there is absolutely no indication that Riker is romantically interested in her. Nor does she does not reject his advances, because no advances are even made. Second, Riker gets short with Shelby at times because she has been assigned to work under his command, and she’s questioning his decisions and generally being difficult to work with. It’s literally his job to call people on things like that. That being said, he’s never particularly rude to her -- at least, no more rude than she is to him. They also grow into mutual respect by the end of the episodes, to the point where he trusts her to serve as his first officer.

Lanel (“First Contact”)

( TW: rape mention )

Quite frankly the next person to point to this episode as evidence of Riker’s misogyny is getting slapped. She. Raped. Him. Full stop. He needed to escape, she offered to help if he slept with her, and he agreed because at the time it was the only way to save his life. Consent under duress is not consent. He does not appear comfortable with the arrangement, and his joking afterwards is forced. So let’s just stop holding this episode up as proof of Riker’s sexism, mkay? He was undeniably the victim here.

Carmen Davila (“Silicon Avatar”)

There’s not much to glean from their brief interaction where Riker asks her to dinner, but again: feelings are mutual. Everyone’s consenting. Nothing untoward happening here. Besides, she’s killed not five minutes into the episode, so it doesn’t particularly matter.

Etana Jol (“The Game”)

Riker’s having a fling with her on Risa. Because that’s what you do on Risa. You go vacation and have fun, and if you so choose, you can find someone else there wanting to have fun. And you have some sexy fun together. That’s just how it goes on Risa.

Also, she’s revealed to be playing him and literally brainwashes him to access the Enterprise. So the situation is not entirely within his control. Again, let’s not blame the victim here.

Ro Laren

There’s clearly sexual tension between them in some episodes, which mostly comes across as bickering. Riker is sharp with her when he needs to be, as a commander, but also tells her when she’s done a good job. The only time they sleep together is in “Conundrum”, when all their memories are erased. Therefore they’re unaware of the context that a romantic relationship isn’t entirely appropriate. When they remember again, they are awkward but respectful of one another, and now have a stronger friendship for it. And I’ll say it for the umpteenth time: mutual and consensual.

Soren (“The Outcast”)

This episode is controversial as hell, and it’s always a tricky one to dive into. But as far as Riker’s relationship with Soren is concerned: there’s honestly nothing bad happening here. He is respectful of her culture and is impressed by her as a pilot and scientist. Though he clearly has feelings for her, it’s unclear if he would have been the first to pursue them, because she confesses hers for him first. Before then, he was entirely professional with her. Only when their mutual attraction is confirmed does Riker actually pursue a relationship with her.

(Side note, that conversation is also when she comes out to him as female.(Yes, Riker was attracted to her before knowing she was female! At the time he believed her to be androgynous/non-binary. Which makes him canonically not straight.)

Additionally he is 100% respectful of her gender -- one of the only people to do that, in fact -- and does what he can both to respect her culture while also supporting her and her journey. He’s genuinely gutted when she’s forced to conform to the expected gender of her society, and isn’t allowed to be who she truly is.

Don’t get me wrong, this episode is a hot mess in many other aspects, but Riker’s treatment of Soren is one of the few things it got right.

Kamala (“The Perfect Mate”)

Is this episode super uncomfy with an almost laughably sexist plot? Oh yeah. But can we blame Riker for anything? Not really. Kamala can read men to make herself everything they desire -- the perfect mate, as the episode’s title says. Naturally this extends to her scenes with Riker as well. She flirts with him, comes onto him, and he’s clearly very into it. They kiss briefly, he’s tempted -- and then he stops her, because he knows this isn’t appropriate and she’s promised to someone else.

Let me say that again: Riker has a perfectly willing woman in front of him, who is literally doing everything in her power to be as appealing to him as possible. She is right there for him to have if he wants. Which he does. And he still tells her no, to keep a clear professional boundary between them. It would have been so easy to take advantage of that and later say she was too irresistible. Yet he didn’t.

Amanda Rogers (“True Q”)

Amanda is a young girl, 18 at the oldest, when she arrives aboard the Enterprise. She’s pretty enamored with Riker, cause she’s a kid who doesn’t have a great sense of what’s healthy/appropriate and what’s not yet. Riker is very aware of this, and does absolutely nothing to encourage her. He sets boundaries where appropriate and is obviously just waiting for her crush to die down, so he doesn’t have to hurt her feelings. When Amanda really starts to make moves on him, he very clearly tells her no. She actually starts to force him to play out her romantic fantasies using her Q powers, though she stops when she realizes it’s not real and isn’t right. Riker does nothing wrong in this episode.

Rebecca Smith (“Genesis”)

There’s nothing to go on here except that they had a date in the holodeck. Everything seems on the up and up. She’s not even shown onscreen, just mentioned in a couple lines of dialogue. I’m just including her for the sake of being thorough.

tl;dr

All of Riker’s relationships are either entirely consensual, or non-consensual with him as the victim. In several situations he could easily have taken advantage of someone, but never does, instead choosing to set clear boundaries. I have been thinking and scouring through Memory-Alpha and I genuinely cannot find a single instance in which he behaved in a sexist or misogynistic manner. That isn’t to say it never happened, I certainly can’t remember every moment of a seven season show. But it’s hardly a defining character trait for him the way many seem to think.

There are plenty of other reasons to dislike Riker. He can be immature. He rather stupidly stays in the same position for a decade because he can’t be bothered to take his own command the way he should. He can be a bit dull as a main character. The way he gets into chairs looks very stupid. But he is not sexist or a creep. *drops microphone*

#star trek: the next generation #star trek #the next generation #william riker #will riker #personal #i spent way too long on this pls validate me #mostly prompted by people genuinely hating this guy #to the point where they add onto other people's riker posts with hate #which is not cool at all #anyway

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backseatloversz · 3 years

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things ive been thinking abt today // some cameron & charlie headcanons feat. todd and neil<3

i have so much love in my heart for the let keating fry scene

insane 2 me that thats camerons biggest scene. his line deliveries r killer

idk if i would say both charlie and cameron were justified in their actions, but for sure they were both grieving a very sudden, tragic loss, so their actions made total sense and were on par w/ their characters

i like to think that after charlie got expelled, the boys eventually got that, and found it in their hearts to forgive cameron

especially since he textually wasnt acting purely in his own self interest, he was doing what he thought was the best & safest option for all of them

(and if you guys are smart, you will do exactly what I did and cooperate. they're not after us. we're the victims. us and neil. / i mean, why ruin our lives? / and if the rest of you are smart, you'll do exactly what I did. they know everything anyway. you can't save keating, but you can save yourselves.)

maybe after a couple weeks of todd falling terribly behind, the administration was like hmm you should room w/ cameron. surely that will help, somehow.

at first, it didnt. not much, and not instantly, at least

they didnt talk a lot the first few weeks. (but it was nice to not be alone all the time)

GOD it makes me so sad that charlie was left to grieve his best friend entirely on his own

for sure after gaining some stability him and the boys started writing.

except to cameron, charlie never wrote to cameron. (though he didnt complain when the boys would tell him how cameron was doing, or tell him he said hi and hoped he was well)

so, yea, the boys and cameron became friends again<3

especially, in time, cameron and todd

they barely talked when neil and charlie were around, but now that neither of them were, the silence was starting to get stifling

sometimes their conversations started while they were working on homework, and sometimes when they both knew the other was awake too, in the middle of the night, for one reason or another

they talked about school, hobbies, their friends, family, you name it

one night, todd told cameron that he loved neil

and how he never told charlie, and didn't really plan to, but he thinks he already knew, anyway

cameron tells todd about how him, charlie, and neil used to be Best Friends

charlie and neil had been friends for longer, and had always roomed together, but in 9th grade charlie and cameron, and in turn cameron and neil, clicked

opposites attract, or something

charlie got cameron to loosen up a bit, and cameron got charlie to care about being at least somewhat cautious sometimes

a lot happened in junior year; charlie kissed cameron, and they started going steady, neil told them not to worry, cause he thinks he's queer, too; then something happened - cameron says he doesnt remember what, exactly, but todd just thinks he doesnt want to talk about it anymore - and that, he said, was that

neil tried not to choose sides, tried to be a peacekeeper, but he had known charlie longer, and they were roommates, etc etc etc, so there was a bit of an unconscious bias about who he started spending his time with more

but neil didnt stop including cameron in their friend group! always inviting him to study groups n such and making him and charlie begrudgingly somewhat make up<3

and then, well.

anyway

todd never rly knows what to say to all this, so he kinda just nods along, which is fine w/ cam

cameron lets todd call him cam. ive decided that just now

anyway.

maybe a few months or a few years pass before cameron and charlie talk again, n theyre able to forgive each other for being dumb teenagers, then grieving teenagers, and maybe theyre different people now, but in a better way, and maybe they'll try again

ok thats all ive got. the end<3

#i am cringe but i am free #sry i sidelined todd/anderperry towards the end and it ended kinda abruptly</3 n e way i spent way too long on this pls validate me #how did i write so many words and somehow manage to keep it so vague lmao #if any of this seems ooc. no it doesnt<3 #if any of this too closely resembles someone elses headcanons pls lmk so i can credit them !#dead poets society #richard cameron #charlie dalton #todd anderson #neil perry #anderperry #death #character death #ask 2 tag #long post #cowboy posts

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howdoistormspirit · 3 years

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Human, looking at a witcher: Stinky

Jaskier: No!! Don’t be mean!!!

Human, spitting: Stinky bastard man

Jaskier: No!!!!!!!!

Mages: Naughty boy. Brat mutant

Jaskier, Distraught: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

#the witcher incorrect quotes #geralt of rivia #Jaskier #queen calanthe #source: tumblr #validate me pls #i spent way too long on this

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boku-no-mangacolourings · 4 years

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[ toga - chapter 273 ]

07 - 06 - 20

#bnha #mha #manga colouring #manga edits #manga #edits #icons #manga caps #mine #i spent way too long on this #someone validate me pls #it isnt even good #argg

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atiteez · 5 years

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I missed atiny selca day but here I yam anyways!! 😙💜

#duck faces on duck faces that’s us #also pls rb because also like san (on top of the duck faces) if I don’t receive attention I die lol #validate us akdjsdjkl #this is the closest I’ve been to a natural bare faced selfie since this filter is pretty light lol #I appreciate the fact that my hair actually cooperated for these selfies also #I had all these pics on file too but I just was too busy to get a post out on the selfie day #I spent way too long cropping that first san photo so my thumbnails would turn out right akdjsjdkl #anyways if this flops san posted it 🤷🏻‍♀️#it me - selfie edition #choi san #ateez #atiny selfie day #atiny selca day

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jungkookschin · 2 years

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academic validation: thirteen- tutor time

prev / next

nerdy!jungkook x itgirl!reader

written part below: wc : 2k i think

author’s note: obviously im not the best writer but hopefully this gives u guys more insight to the dynamic between yn and jk

also!! pls give me feedbackk for these written parts!! in the inbox so i can respondd

when your shoulder brushed by jungkook's as you passed him in the hallways, he felt dizzy. in physics class, his stomach did a twisty thing as you both approached mr moon to ask a question.

if he had to be next to you, make eye contact with you for one hour of tutoring, how would he survive? his heart couldn’t take it.

in fact, he spent all of last night reviewing his physics textbook as well as the test that you failed. now, he actually got 100 on the test, but that was besides the point! he had to be ready.

the previous night, he hadn’t even gotten a wink of sleep. his mind was running in circles, trying to plan out how the next day would go. what would he wear? jaehyun always told him he dressed like a nerd (whatever the hell that meant), so he tried to keep it casual today with just a black hoodie, gray sweatpants, air force 1s. now, he didn’t wanna do too much, but he didn’t wanna do too little either.

truth be told, jungkook has had a crush on you since seventh grade. he always conceived you to be breathtakingly gorgeous and an angel to everybody you met. it was a little crush that happened to carry to his senior year of high school.

despite this, he’s only spoken to you once or twice. god, he gets so embarrassed thinking about it. it was just a simple tuesday in class when you tapped on his shoulder.

“jungkook, what did you get on #4?”

jungkook literally froze like a stick of ice. a stuttering mess he coughs and quickly skims over his paper. “o-oh, i got a? at least i think that’s what it is. let me do the problem again, just to double check. sorry about that, come back to me in five minutes and ill have the right answer for you. sorry, sorry. okay, i got this.”

you just laughed it off. “it’s okay jungkook, i got a too. i just wanted to double check,” you flash him a pursed smile. “no need to do all that.”

jaehyun just sat there next to him with the most amused expression on his face. after that, jaehyun never let him live it down.

the other time he talked to you was probably in eighth grade, when he held the door open for you and you thanked him.

anyways, jungkook was aware that you were way out of his league. well, out of his league compared to society’s standards. according to society and all the other losers that are peaking in high school, he was a “loser” and a “nerd”.

the thing was, jungkook didn’t give a fuck about society’s standards. sure, people thought he was nerd, didn’t have any friends, living in a dungeon filled with b.o watching hentai all night, he didn’t really care.

jungkook was content with himself. he could honestly give two shits about what anybody else thought as long as he was happy. that’s all that mattered.

jungkook had always been responsible, prioritizing school, because doing academically well made him happy. he thrived off academic validation, even living off it. he knew what was good for his soul, as well as the people that were good for his soul.

jaehyun was really the only person that he considered his friend, the other people he associated with just acquaintances. jungkook did truly treasure their friendship, and was happy with it. why bother associating with other people if they were just going to spread their negative energy everywhere? yikes.

jungkook was more of a wall flower, but he still witnessed all the stupid high school drama going on at school. he often found himself guffawing at everybody’s stupidity. seriously, what was the point of people getting pissed off at their friends for the most miniscule reasons? gosh he remembers one of the most idiotic fights that happened in the lunch room. two girls were fighting because they couldn’t agree on a place to take prom pictures. though amusing, he still knew it was dumb. why waste your energy on that?

anyways, though he didn’t really care about what people thought of him, you still seemed so unapproachable and intimidating.

you were constantly surrounded by tons of people, wanting to get to know you and be your friend. jungkook’s even witnessed some feeble attempts of guys trying to get your snap, ask you on a date, or inviting you to parties. yup, he did think each and every one of those guys were cringy as hell but at least they had the confidence to approach you.

yea, he didn’t care about anybody’s opinion, but he had so much competition, and you just made him feel some type of way.

despite this, he accepted that it was okay to be anxious and intimidated around you, because he was emotionally intelligent and able to process his feelings. and that’s why jungkook knew it was okay when he he froze walking into ap physics on the first day of the semester. all because you were there.

he remembers it very vividly. the desk you sat in was in the third row second desk to the right. on the floor by the legs of your desk was a black jansport backpack, the same shade as your black nike hoodie. you were sporting pink sweatpants that seemed to elongate your legs, and on your feet were beat up white converse

he noticed you had a hello kitty key chain attached to the zipper of your backpack, which he though was pretty cute.

now, ap physics was one of the hardest courses offered in the school, its rigor dominating all other ap classes. jungkook did have honors and ap classes with you in the past, but he was surprised that you were in ap physics. he remembers how poorly you performed in ap calc.. and he knew that stem was not your thing. after all you did even say “stem is not my thing.”

jungkook stood on the opposite side of the spectrum. he was good at anything engineering, science, and math. in fact, he was planning on majoring in aerospace engineering, and (hopefully) working at nasa after he gets his phd. in addition to this, he was the senior class’s valedictorian with an astounding gpa of 5.1

distracted by his thoughts, he didn’t even notice when you walk into the classroom.

“hi jungkook!” you put your backpack on the ground and sit on the rolly chair next to him. “i know we’re already familiar with each other, but i’m y/n. thanks so much for doing this for me.” you look directly into his eyes and offer him a meek smile. “really.”

that’s when jungkook froze (for the upteenth time in your presence). gazing at you so up close for the first time, his stomach erupted with butterflied. he literally had no clue what he was supposed to say, which is when an awkward silence ensued

now, jungkook was a logical thinker. he wasn’t a fucking idiot; that’s why he did so well in school, because he was smart.

a realization washed over him, that you were a person too. you were a normal human being who existed in the same cosmos as him, with the same biological systems working through your body. he really had nothing to worry about, so why were his emotions betraying him? why were his palms getting stickier and sticker? why was he getting so nervous?

contemplating rationally, he had no reason to be weird.

so he snapped the fingers in his brain and decided to just not be weird.

“sorry, i zoned out. nice to formally meet you y/n. im jungkook as you know. weve had a couple classes together, so yea let’s just do this comfortably.”

you smiled. “awesome! thanks again. i hope it’s not too much of a bother. just to let you know, i really suck at physics. anything stem is not my thing.” you were talking while taking out your notebook, textbook, and calculator from your bag.

jungkook noticed that your scientific calculator was the same as his. ahh, the renowned casio fx-9750GIII but in light pink. yea.. that was really cute.

he continued the dialogue between the both of you. “it’s really not a problem. mr. moon is giving me community service hours for tutoring people. im here to help, so feel free to be yourself.”

on your side, the trepidation left your body. you were nervous to be tutored by him. jungkook was super super smart. literally everybody at school considered him to be some prodigy super genius. you knew he was a little socially awkward, but you also knew that he isn’t stuck up or arrogant.

already, he was being so welcoming and friendly, so you were eager to learn from him.

you had such a stressful week with assignments building up, taehyung getting mad at you, the pressure to perform well academically, so jungkook was like a saving grace.

“thank you so much jungkook, let’s start.”

forty minutes into the tutoring session, you were already on the verge of tears. thank god jungkook was still being nice to you despite you asking lots of questions, asking him to repeat what he just said, requesting for him to explain that again.

“okay,” jungkook says while writing an equation the paper. “so the inverse square law essentially states the intensity of r, radiation, is inversely proportional to the square of the distance. based on this law, we can derive the …..”

oh no. you felt that you were literally zoning out while he was talking. the words were going straight into your left ear and out the right.

you literally did not understand a single thing he was saying. the anxiety and stress building in your body was finding a way to manifest on the outside.

“hey y/n, are you okay?

you snap out of it and see that jungkook is gazing at you with a glint of concern in his eyes.

oh my gosh. you didn’t even realize you were crying, literally sobbing. you used the back of hand to wipe your tears, and the snot coming out of your nose.

“i-im sorry. i just don’t understand. this is so hard. i wish i wasn’t dumb.” you sniffed again.

you could tell jungkook’s eyes softened at the sight. “y/n, it’s fine. let’s stop here for now. you’re doing so good, so don’t worry.”

you let more tears roll down your cheeks. “a-are you sure? you promise that i’m doing good? you’re not lying, right?”

jungkook walks over to mr. moon’s desk and hands you a tissue box. “i promise i’m not lying. i would never lie. you’re super smart. way smarter than you think.

you gladly take the tissue box and obnoxiously blow your nose into the tissue, and set the dirty tissue on the table. jungkook takes the same dirty tissue and throws it away for you. you briefly consider why he would touch your dirty ass tissue without feeling disgusted, but the thought goes away when he asks you a question.

“do you take the bus home?”

you sniff and nod your head.

“want me to walk you to the bus stop?”

“i would love that.”

#bts sm au #bts social media au #bts scenarios #bts smau #bts x reader #jungkook smau #jungkook social media au #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fluff #jungkook fanfic #jungkook texts #jungkook imagines #jungkook sm au #jungkook x reader

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thequackcity · 3 years

Text

Quackity and Schlatt’s Relationship - More Complicated Then You Think

(this is all /rp and about the characters from the dream smp! pls assume i have the dignity not to write analysis of youtubers)

recently there was a bit of discourse surrounding the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt floating around on tumblr. tho i never saw the original post that sparked the conversation, i did see a few posts that were inspired by it mentioning how they disliked that the original post implied that Quackity and Schlatt were mutually abusive and/or equally bad for each other

since i never saw the original post, i can't be sure if that's what the op meant to imply. it's not really my place to speak about a post that i never got the chance to read. BUT the conversation that was caused by the post in question did get me thinking about how this fandom treats the relationship between Quackity and Schlatt and how little nuance there is in discussions about it

now before i say anything else, i want to make a few things clear:

i don't think Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship is mutually abusive. no need to worry about hearing that from this post

i don't look down on ppl who have different interpretations of their relationship

there will be potentially triggering content in this analysis. i will place a quick warning whenever i think one is needed!

their relationship is romantic in canon and therefore i’ll be treating it as romantic

alright now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, we can finally get on with the analysis! i apologize for how long this is gonna be

part 1: let's talk relationship!

i think we can all agree that Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not exactly a healthy one. tho it didn't start out that way, it certainly turned into what could be read as abusive or toxic (i personally read their relationship as being abusive in its later half due to evidence provided by the text, but i understand if others prefer to view it as just toxic instead)

but what happened that led to their partnership ending so badly? what caused all of this mess?

well, it was a lot of things. but we will get to that later. let's talk relationship first!

from the very beginning, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was pretty one-sided. tho they both clearly liked each other as friends/partners in crime both before and after the election (yes they did interact before the election!) Quackity was also interested in Schlatt romantically- something that Schlatt wasn't fully committed to

as we all know from the infamous date stream and from a few other moments, Quackity and Schlatt enjoyed playfully flirting with each other- tho it was pretty obvious that Quackity was more serious about it then Schlatt was even tho Schlatt considered Quackity to be very attractive

in my opinion, Quackity is someone who wants a long term relationship, while Schlatt is more interested in flings. this can be seen in Schlatt refusing to marry Quackity and rejecting most of his advances while Quackity tried his best to convince him to feel otherwise. Tommy put it best: Quackity is just one of Schlatt’s many bitches U_U

to Quackity, the romantic aspect of their relationship was very important. because Schlatt never actually shot him down or told him that he didn't feel the same way, Quackity took that to mean that they were truly in love. Schlatt on the other hand wasn't very invested in the romantic side of things but clearly valued Quackity’s looks and his support as an ally against Pogtopia so he never fully rejected Quackity’s advances

this might not seem like too big of a deal considering the other things that happened between them, but i think it shows part of the nature of their relationship. there is a lot of miscommunication and, on Schlatt’s end, manipulation of emotions. love is a strong motivator for loyalty and Schlatt is a smart guy who would know how to use that to his advantage

but that isn't to say that Schlatt didn't ever care about Quackity!

Schlatt is a complicated guy and figuring out when he's actually being genuine can be pretty difficult. but i think there are some moments that point to Schlatt genuinely caring about Quackity

when he was alive, Schlatt was pretty paranoid. not as paranoid as Wilbur, but certainly up there. but there were never any times where he truly questioned Quackity’s loyalties after his first day as president. Schlatt also seemed truly upset that Quackity betrayed him, bringing up their status as partners in crime while ranting about how much it hurt him and singling Quackity out while talking about how he had been abandoned during his time of need

Schlatt also spent a lot of time sulking after Quackity betrayed him and whining to Ponk about needing a new bitch. this is in contrast to how angry he was after Tubbo betrayed him- both during and after the execution

there is also the situation with the Big Man Gym

after being dead for a while, Schlatt contacted Quackity despite them leaving off on bad terms and asked for him to visit him in his cave gym. when Quackity showed up, Schlatt talked about how he valued their relationship and the good times they had together. tho this can easily be seen as emotional manipulation, Schlatt’s a lot smarter than he seems and- if he doesnt have memory issues due to being a ghost- would know that Quackity’s opinion of him was in the dump at the time of his death and most likely wouldn't have improved since then. Fundy has a higher opinion of Schlatt than Quackity does and is someone who obviously craves validation. but Schlatt went to Quackity first anyway and trusted him to help revive him

i think that this is all good evidence that points towards Schlatt truly caring about Quackity as much as someone like Schlatt can care about anyone- or at least valuing him as a companion

i also think that it is pretty common knowledge that Quackity cared about Schlatt- and possibly still does- but i will go over a bit of evidence that i haven’t already mentioned before we move on to the next part

Quackity tried multiple times to impress Schlatt (like when he lied about knowing how to play chess), would attempt to help Schlatt when he was drowning in water, sadly said that they could have had something together while Schlatt was dying in the caravan, and implied that he wouldn’t have left if Schlatt hadn’t taken down the white house. Quackity also willingly went to the Big Man Gym after being summoned there by Schlatt and wanted to revive him long before the revive book became part of the story

part 2: what made it fall apart?

everything i've said so far has been pretty interesting (hopefully) but it doesn't really answer the original question: what went wrong to turn Schlatt and Quackity’s mainly positive partnership sour?

well it comes down to two things in my opinion: their incompatible desires for political power and Schlatt’s deteriorating mental state

Quackity wanted political power from the beginning and wasn't afraid to be open about his desires. he pooled his votes with Schlatt because Schlatt offered him the position of vice president, something Wilbur and Tommy weren’t willing to give to him. tho Quackity obviously cared about L’Manburg and wanted to see good things for it, he also desired power and was willing to team up with someone he didn't fully agree with to get said power

at 32:40 in this video, Quackity talks about how in politics everyone uses everyone so it's alright if Schlatt is using him. he then talks about how he doesn't want to be a man with no power and how he understands that Schlatt’s main goal is also gaining/keeping power. Quackity also shows a bit of his naughty evil side by saying if he overthrows Schlatt then the fun ends too early!

(side note: these two are pretty evenly matched in intelligence and manipulativeness, i love it!)

it's a bit of a fandom misconception that Quackity was a love sick yes man during the Manburg era. tho Quackity did want to please Schlatt and was in love with him, he didn't shy away from standing up to or disagreeing with Schlatt when he believed it was needed

at around 26:12 of this video, Quackity and Schlatt meet together in private and Quackity tells Schlatt off for playing down his role in the power structure of Manburg. since this was very early in Schlatt’s reign, Quackity shows no fear towards him and confidently tells him not to treat him like that

Quackity also broke Niki out of jail after regretting letting her be put there in the first place, tried to convince Schlatt to not execute Tubbo, jumped in front of Fundy when Schlatt tried to attack him, tried to stop Schlatt from tearing down buildings, and attempted to protect the white house he built from being destroyed by Schlatt. these are not behaviors of a pure yes man but of someone who, despite fear, has the confidence to speak up for himself even when disrespected by someone in authority

Quackity has always been someone who wanted power and someone who was never a yes man to authority. this contradicts with how Schlatt believed Quackity should act as vice president. in Schlatt’s opinion, Quackity’s one job is to sit around looking pretty while Schlatt does all of the important things and holds all of the power. Schlatt was a big fan of promoting people to worthless positions of authority and its pretty obvious that he considered vice president to be similar to the fake positions he gave Fundy and Tubbo

in the end, this was a big part of what destroyed their relationship. like it or not, Quackity’s a power hungry guy and always has been. he didn't like that Schlatt constantly shoved him aside and refused to listen to him

now onto the nasty bit...Schlatt’s mental state

cw for mentions of alcoholism, mental deterioration, and abusive behavior

before i say anything more, i just want to say that i don't think having issues with alcoholism makes someone a bad person. i personally have some issues with such things so it would be pretty stupid of me to say being an alcoholic makes you a bad person. alcoholism does negatively affect your cognitive functions tho and, combined with other health issues, can cause some of the very serious mental problems that Schlatt clearly struggles with

throughout the Manburg era, Schlatt’s mental state rapidly deteriorated. he went from a pretty normal- if eccentric- guy who had a drinking problem, to someone who was delirious most of the time. it's a sharp and noticeable decline that caused a lot of pain for Quackity due to Schlatt often taking his excess aggression out on him by yelling at him and/or belittling him. tho Schlatt often belittled Quackity before he went fully off of the deep end, it was never as aggressive as it was when he was in this delirious state of mind

it was during one of Schlatt’s most aggressive and delirious moments that he tore down the white house despite Quackity’s protests. as we all know, this caused Quackity to snap and kill Schlatt (it's more complicated than that but we will get back to that). as mentioned previously, Quackity implied that he would have stayed with Schlatt if the white house hadn’t been destroyed

in my opinion, these two things combined are the biggest reasons why Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship fell apart. their differing desires for power were not compatible and Schlatt’s awful behavior while his mental state declined caused a rift between them that couldn't be fixed

part 3: how toxic was it really?

cw for emotional and physical abuse

as i said all the way back in part one, Quackity and Schlatt’s relationship was not healthy. i have provided many examples in the other two parts that shine a light onto why it wasn't healthy, but i didn't show the entire picture

there are many moments that show exactly how Schlatt treated Quackity when he was acting at his worst and none of them are pretty. tho Schlatt was never truly aggressive with his insults until he started to go off of the deep end, that doesn't mean that what he said wasn't negatively affecting Quackity

Schlatt would belittle, insult, and mock Quackity for his appearance not being up to his standards, for his opinions, and for being emotional in ways that Schlatt disapproved of like crying. tho Schlatt would often brush off Quackity’s reactions towards this cruel behavior, it's very clear that Schlatt’s treatment of him has stuck with Quackity in many ways

Quackity is very sensitive about his appearance and it seems to be because of how badly Schlatt hurt his self esteem during their time together. Schlatt tied Quackity’s worth to his appearance and then would claim he wasn't meeting his standards of attractiveness. we can tell that this has stuck with Quackity because of his sensitivity towards people bringing up the scar on his face (something that greatly alters his physical appearance) and he still reacts very badly when Schlatt calls him the mocking nickname flatty patty

speaking of flatty patty- that stupid insult shockingly has a lot of weight in Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt. tho its something the audience is meant to laugh at, the nickname also shows just how little Schlatt respects Quackity because he's constantly throwing it around just to make Quackity upset. Schlatt’s last words are flatty patty all because he wanted to get in one last dig at his ex and ruin Quackity’s day even further

Schlatt tends to do a lot of things that are intended to make Quackity upset. tearing down the room Quackity made for him in the white house is the biggest example of this- especially since Schlatt mentions how it will upset Quackity while he does it. you can see this moment at around 19:10 of this video

and now let's get into the elephant in the room when it comes to these two: Quackity was scared of Schlatt. tho we never really see Schlatt hit or attack Quackity physically outside of their confrontation at the white house or their confrontation in the caravan, these clips imply that Quackity was at the very least scared of Schlatt physically harming him in some way

as for actually physically harming him, Schlatt hits Quackity multiple times with a pickaxe and with his fists during their white house fight. Quackity hits Schlatt a couple times too, tho these are all primarily defensive blows since he is trying to protect himself and his property. he also chases after Quackity with a bow after Quackity’s plan to trick him into signing Manburg over to the Pogtopians fails and hits him multiple times during the caravan confrontation

all of this evidence shows that Schlatt was an abusive (or at least toxic) partner towards Quackity and someone who greatly affected him in many ways

tho Quackity did a few questionable things throughout his relationship with Schlatt (such as trying to get Schlatt to have sex with him despite Schlatt not being interested as shown in the later half of this video) and did some downright morally wrong things during his time as vice president of Manburg, no one deserves the pain of an abusive relationship- even a person who has done bad things

as a brief side note before we move on because i know people will bring it up if i skip over it, Quackity did- and most likely still does- want to literally possess Glatt. he brought up reviving Schlatt and using him as a political pawn after Schlatt’s funeral and during their conversation at the Big Man Gym Quackity talked about owning Glatt and having him work at Las Nevadas with no pay

this is unsettling behavior to say the least but this essay isnt about the aftermath of their relationship so much as it is about their relationship when it was actually happening. maybe i will make another post talking more about how Quackity’s relationship with Schlatt affected him even after Schlatt’s death and/or about Quackity’s relationship with Glatt

part 4: final thoughts

i’m not exactly sure why the nuances in Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship get lost when it comes to the fandom, but it’s pretty disappointing to see. hopefully this essay can help people take a closer look at canon and maybe even help them find something interesting that they’d want to explore!

tho the point of this essay is to clear up any misconceptions and hopefully add some nuance to the conversations surrounding Schlatt and Quackity’s relationship, i also wrote it in hopes of showing people how fascinating these two partners in crime were back in the Manburg days. i didn’t cover everything but i think i did a pretty good job for my first analysis post in the dsmp fandom

also since you read to the end, i must say thank you! it really does means a lot to me that you did. i hope you enjoyed and maybe even learned something. this post can be used as a resource if anyone wants to use it as such

here’s a tiny devil Quackity for your troubles <3

#quackity #jschlatt #manburg #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #posts by me #this was really fun to make!! i worry it wont show up in tags tho bc of how many links there are in it #so pls reblog!! if you read it and liked it that is haha #meta by me

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barzzal · 3 years

Text

between halls and thin walls → part four

summary: friends who fool around almost never works. almost.

↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you

↳ warnings: idiots, that’s all <3

↳ genre: fluff, angst, smut, roommates au, best friend’s best friend, friends with benefits, 18+

↳ length: series; part one, part two, part three, part four (6.7k), part five, part six

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: my favorite part by mac miller, addicted by jorja smith, someone to spend time with by los retros

note: finally got myself to update this fic oml zzz quick psa tho, this will now be a six-part series! hope that’s okay and yenno as always, would love to hear what you think about this (validate me in the tags pls im lonely) happy reading babes! <3

“Yo, grandma. Haven’t you had too much tea to drink?” his voice echoes in the room as soon as he walks into it. You carefully set the cup down on the dining table and looked at him exasperatedly.

“Haven’t you had too much care to give?” you snark back, earning yourself a disappointed look from him.

“Really, y/n? That’s the best you’ve got?” he shakes his head at your appalling retort. What a shame.

You were good at pissing him off to be fair. You just weren’t in the mood to throw teases back and forth especially now that you’re feeling particularly vulnerable.

The week has been far too dreadful for you and you know that you’re willing to grovel your way into the weekend to finally have the time to slack off, not worry about taking a bath, and just go crazy with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

However, just like always, Mathew seems to never run out of ways to get on your nerves.

He carelessly puts his stuff on the table, causing a fairly loud thud on the surface.

You let out a deep breath, massaging your temple.

“Somebody’s cranky.” he grins. Not necessarily the kind you’d want to see from him.

You try to ignore him for a few minutes but you can’t help noticing how his build easily took over much of the space you’ve already been occupying. You irkingly look up at him, closing the book you were reading. You meet Mat’s eyes who just innocently looked back into yours. Waiting. Possibly plotting on yet another sophisticated way to toy with you.

“You’re a child.” you roll your eyes and return to your reading. He says nothing and instead rests his chin atop his enclasped hands, continuing to bother you with his ridiculously beguiling eyes. He presses his lips together before sighing dramatically.

“What?” you snap, finally shutting your book down as you look at him.

“I wanna go out.” he looks up at you in an effort to make his huge physique smaller than it really was.

“Then go out. You’re a big boy.” you breathe.

“You just said that I’m a child.” he coos, mimicking a five-year-old’s voice.

“Stop that.” you glare at him. Mat props himself back and laughs, “Come on. I’m bored.”

You open your book again just as you reply in a tone that Mat’s getting used to hearing. “Boredom doesn’t give you the right to pester me, Barzal.”

And as an exchange, he speaks in the same tone rather mockingly, “And so is that attitude, Y/L/N.”

“Come on, y/n. Let’s go out.” he now pleads, looking up at you with what seems to be his worst impression of a ‘puppy eye’.

“Fine.” you finally concede and you see Mat’s beaming smile instantly.

“Where’d you want to go?” you ask as you take your reading glasses off.

“Dunno.” He shrugs, obviously teasing.

On the edge of being irritated, you say, “Are you kidding me?”

“Grandma.” he mumbles before saying, “Do you have anything you want to do? And please don’t say book hunt.”

You suppress a smile and maintain your composure. “I’m craving for pancakes right now but I also wanna drink. Go to a bar or something.”

He nods in agreement. Already stitching his game plan.

“We can do both.” he bobs his all too fine brows.

He didn’t have a hard time getting you on board with his spontaneity. You actually haven’t gone out in a while and the thought of a possible night out doesn’t seem to be so bad of an idea.

You’ve been with Mat to parties and while the two of you don’t mingle as much as the other guys did, he does know his way around the club. The dance floor, however, he tries. He really does.

For about an hour Mathew waited patiently in the living room as he scrolled endlessly on instagram liking a few photos and laughing at posts the fans tag him occasionally. His eyes were peeled away from the screen when he heard the door to your room click. His irises trail onto your body even if he didn’t plan to originally.

Mathew, albeit dressed simply in his black turtleneck sweater and a beige overcoat exudes just about the right ‘swag’ (as per how he puts it) to stop you in your stupor. Although what you didn’t know was how you weren’t any different in his eyes. You were dressed quite nicely in a black lace bodysuit with a pair of blackpants accentuated by the black boots you usually wear on a night out. Your coat was slung on your forearm whilst you held your clutch purse in your hand so you could close the door with the other.

“What?” you blink just as you look down to eye yourself. Feeling a tad self-conscious under his gaze.

Mat immediately breaks it off. He clears his throat, pretending to wipe off the non-existent dust on the accent table.

“What?” he mirrors with an arched brow.

You shrug off his demeanor, snatching your keys from the accent table before putting it in your purse.

“Have you called a lyft already?” he nods, absentmindedly scratching his temple.

“You ready? You look— decent.” He says, trying to act casual and distant when he gives you the compliment.

Not noticing the unfamiliar look his eyes had, you return the compliment and say, “And so do you. Good job for not looking like you came straight out of an H&M catalogue.” you wink at him with a grin. A thing which was then reciprocated by a deadpan look on his end.

Before he could even come up with yet another clever way to come at you, you start walking towards the door, looking at him once as you motion the way by curling your finger.

“Haul ass, buddy.”

𖥸

10:15 PM

Mat decided to bring you to the usual place he goes to when he wants to be alone and just enjoy a couple of beers while he chats with River, the bartender he eventually befriends after years spent drinking in solitude.

The bar had a rustic feel filled with wine barrels in the corner of the room. The seats were leather (mind you, it wasn’t the kind that gets easily worn out through time) and everything looked new to you regardless of all the vintage stuff displayed articulately on the brick wall. A turntable was set on the table stacked with vinyl records, most of which were from the 70s to 80s underneath.

It was obvious that it wasn’t the kind people would know about. Aside from it being located at such a secluded street leading to the suburbs, it wasn’t the type of bar kids would want to hang out in. It only had a few customers and most of them wore suits and came with company. No one really gave a hoot when you walked in with Mathew, aka, the face of the New York Islanders. Which is basically the reason why Mat kept coming back to the place. He felt comfortable and at peace. Almost in retrospect to being at home hanging with his father.

“I can’t believe this place exists.” you say, mouthing your thanks to River as he hands you both of your drinks. The man that’s definitely aged like fine wine smiles, nodding his head over to Mat who was doing the same before he headed back to mix another set of drinks.

“Me neither.” he grins, reminiscing about the time he’s found the small pub by accident.

“This place looks expensive though.” you whisper, making Mathew laugh.

“Well, it kinda is.” he sheepishly chuckles. “River’s filthy rich.”

“Is he really?” your mouth falls and you look back over the build of the old man. The way his salt and pepper hair was neatly slicked back makes quite a compelling case for what Mat had just said.

Mat eventually explains who he was. Apparently, he was just another bored fancy man who happened to love making people drop dead and drunk with his over the top mixes. His dark deep set brown eyes are quite of a crowd favourite too. Case in point, the group of ladies seated from across you and Mathew.

“Hey.” you absentmindedly call on Mat who had just sipped on his drink. “I know what we should do.”

“All right.” he puts the glass down, “Lay it on me.”

“Let’s fix you up with one of the girls over there.” you suggest, leaning towards his body so you could get a better view upfront. Mat does not move and instead follows your finger subtly pointing at the other end of the room.

“What’s with the sudden fixation of getting me bagged tonight, huh?” he smirks, shaking his head at the idea of having to go home with some random girl. You give him a side eye as you move away from him.

“Fixation is an overstatement. We’ll be here long enough for us to get sick of each other.” you explicitly told him.

Mat eyes you intently. Searching if there was even the slightest doubt in your eyes.

Long enough to get sick of each other.

He clears his throat instead and looks across the room. “Which one?”

A gleeful cheer erupts from you just before you look over the girls in question. “What’s your type?” you ask him, not sparing a glance.

Mat looks down on you underneath the bar lights accentuating your features. Your eyes had a certain glint in them that Mat still can’t get a grasp on. Something that was just enough to spark something inside him. He didn’t want to overthink it nonetheless. It must have been just the lights.

Once Mat sensed that you were about to look at him he immediately turned his gaze forward, squinting his eyes a little pretending to check out the women you’ve been eyeing for the last minute.

“I don’t really have a type.” he shrugs, casually taking the fragile glass to his mouth.

You dismiss what he said at once, “Do I look like a child to you? Just answer it.”

Mat shakes his head, “I told you. I don’t have one. If we vibe then we vibe. Simple as that.”

You did not believe him but you decide to drop it off. Instead, you look back and return to your new found mission. Across the bar, seated were three girls busy talking to each other.

“Got it.” you tell Mat, nodding your head towards the clueless girl sitting right across from where Mathew was. “The one in the center.” you add. “The one wearing a white bodycon.”

“She’s pretty.” he nods, validating your taste as his potential wingman. “Nice smile.”

Your hand met a firm slap on the table as you went on cheering for him. “Well? Go then!” you give him a nudge, taking it back quickly when you feel a slight hesitation on his part, “Don’t tell me you need me to introduce you?”

He takes the remainder of his glass and shaked off the kick it had in his throat. “You just sit and watch, babe.”

You do as you’re told and lean towards the bar, your elbow carrying all your weight whilst you sip on your half-full martini.

Mathew’s stance and the way he carries himself immediately caused the girls to notice him coming. Of course, you weren’t really surprised. You watch him approach her,– reading along the words leaving his mouth. There was an exchange of proper ‘hello’s’ as Mat introduced himself to the girls. He reaches out his hand and the curly noirette in the center gives him a firm shake.

Mat’s eyes momentarily locked with yours just as you see their hands linger in the air— tangled long enough for him to make a quick segway. He winks your way as he sees you grin from your seat, shaking your head just after you felt the need to take a deep breath. A thing you assumed to be because of the drink. So, while Mat leads the girl to one of the empty booths and sits across from her, you call on River and ask for another drink.

Mathew must have lost track of time by the second drink he shared with Zoe. He learns that she’s from upstate and was just on the island to visit her friends. She’s still working on her major at NYU; coincidentally in the same field as Lianna so that was one of the things they’ve talked about first hand. She wasn’t really into sports so Mat steered clear of his job because he didn’t want to bore her.

“So…” Zoe smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. “What’s the deal with you and the girl you’re with?”

By the time she asked about you, only then did Mat remember who he was originally with.

“Oh! She’s—” he looks over to where you’re seated only to find you laughing— no giggling with a man that was obviously a few years older than you. He’s wearing a neat black suit and a button down shirt with a couple of its first buttons opened. Zoe sees him frown, evidently losing his train of thought.

She calls him with her sweet voice, “Mat?”

“Yeah?” he absentmindedly answers, not wanting to take his eyes off of your hand that was now gently pushing the man’s arm whilst the two of you continue to burst into laughter.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

What’s so funny?

Finally, Mat hears Zoe’s distant voice that eventually took him back to his seat.

“Oh. Y-Yeah.” he apologetically smiles. “Sorry. What were you saying again?”

She hesitates to ask about you after taking a quick glance your way upon seeing the way Mathew looked at you. Nevertheless, she decides to go for it.

“Aren’t you two together? I don’t want to come off strong here or anything. It’s just that I don’t want to get in between something if there ever is.”

Mat looks at you one more time and as if you’ve felt his eyes all along you turn your way and meet his gaze. You shoot him a quiet smile, eyeing the guy sitting beside you, mouthing what he assumes to be an exaggerated “So hot!” on your end. He reciprocates your smile and gives you an approving nod.

Once you looked away, that’s the only time Mat finally answered the woman waiting patiently for his attention.

“What?” Mat shakes his head wildly, blowing out air off his lips defensively. “No no no. We’re just friends. She’s my roommate actually.” he shrugs you off his mind and instead tries to put his entire focus on her.

The remaining hours were spent with you and Mat getting along with your respective potential hook-ups. Not that it wasn’t the endgame either of you were hoping for at the back of your minds.

He’s got to admit that Zoe was the kind of girl he’d be interested in. Another fact he’s kept a mental tab not to mention to you because he knows you’ll just get cocky.

She was sweet and obviously eloquent. He knows she’s way smarter than he’ll ever be. But out of all those qualities, she was just as passionate at her craft as someone he likes to think he knows well enough. And that alone made a small smile creep on his lips.

Nonetheless, despite all the aforementioned, Mathew found himself a bit more reserved than he usually is whenever he gets to meet and talk to his potential ‘lady friends’ as how you’ve put it countless times. He just wasn’t his exact self. And he was beginning to question it.

There were no fancy hockey plays thrown subtly into the conversation. Neither mentions of golfing nor over the top league events. No butchered french pet names swiftly tucked in his sentences. And no endless questions that would eventually lead to something along the lines of ‘Do you want to get out of here?’

Well, not until Zoe’s friends got up their seats and she told him herself.

“Hey. The girls and I are meeting up with some friends in Brooklyn. D’ya wanna come?”

Mat’s eyes trail down to her hand now gently caressing his. He raises both his brows thinking of a possible ‘out’ because he wasn’t sure if it was a smart thing to leave you alone with a stranger.

He hums, “Sure.”

Zoe shows him a delighted smile before eventually sliding out of the booth to walk towards the bar she and her friends were formally seated.

“I gotta use the restroom first. Please excuse me.” she gives him a nod before going back to chatting with her friends.

You, on the other hand, see Mat leave the table aiming for an archway you presume to be where the loo was.

“Hey,” you call the man whose name you’ve already forgotten. Your pause was long enough for him to acknowledge the chances that you actually did forget who he was. Obviously.

“Chris.” The man in his early 30s answers with a submitting grin.

You shyly laugh, squeezing his forearm as you try to apologize for forgetting.

“Would you mind if I use the restroom?” you politely ask.

“No, not at all.” he replies and immediately stands to help you get on your feet. Gentleman.

Once you are in front of the men’s room, you anxiously wait for your wingman. You hug your purse close to your chest. Not a whole minute after, the door finally opens and you meet Mat’s irises with quite a gleeful look.

A look he wasn’t a fan of for he knew what’s about to come next.

“Are you taking off?” you eagerly ask, almost hopping on your feet.

Mat eyes you from head to toe, looking for signs that would stink from a drunk y/n. When he sees none, that’s when he decides to say that he was.

“Mkay good. I’ll be on my way too. Chris is taking me to New Jersey.” you tell him, briefly looking through the archway to see if there were people listening.

Once you know you’re clear, you lean towards Mat, your lips dangerously close to the sensitive skin of his ear. Mat feels your heated breath sending a familiar tingle up his spine. “I’ll get to ride a yacht tonight.” you bite your lower lip and giddily smile as if you were a cheeky 16 year-old usually depicted in a coming of age movie.

“Who’s Chris?” Mat, in spite of taking rounds observing you all night, finds the need to ask. “And why are you coming with him to NJ?” he further questions.

“Uh– okay, dad.” you step back for a second. You let out a scoff, checking if he was being serious about it. “I thought we’re supposed to go get laid tonight? Weren’t you about to take off with that girl yourself?”

Mat averts your gaze and starts to scratch the corner of his brow. “Well yeah. It’s just that— he looks sketchy.” he pauses, “plus… isn’t he a little too old for you?”

You roll your eyes as you’ve already expected to hear the words from him.

“He’s 31. He’s not that old.” you say rather defensively so you turn the ball back on his court. “And what if he was? Didn’t you ask one of the moms out??”

Mat’s eyes widens and you try to bite back a laugh. He whispers with a biting tone, trying to save himself. “She didn’t look like one! I’m gonna kill Beau I swear to god.”

“Come on Barz. Don’t be such a killjoy. Text me if you need anything, okay? Wrap things up while you’re at it.” you say at once. Mat doesn’t get the chance to talk you out of such a stupid idea because before he even could, you’ve already planted a kiss on his cheek and started walking away.

Mat waited for the sound of the heavy doors of the bar, signaling that you and your friend have gone, before stepping back to where Zoe was. She waves him near the coat closet.

“Hi.” Mat greets her friends before eventually turning his attention on the unsuspecting lass. She meets her with a smile (just like what she’s been doing all night). The same smile, however, drops the second Mat opens his mouth. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

Zoe nods and willfully abides, letting Mat take her gently by the arm.

“What’s up?” she innocently asks.

“Something came up.” he says a little too fast than what he’d originally intended. He was going to let her down either way might as well get it over with and rip up the asshole band-aid.

“Oh.” she says in a tone Mat knew that she completely understood.

“No worries.” she looks at him with a knowing look in her eyes. “I’ll see you around then.”

He gives her a kind smile and nods. “Take care.”

Mathew walks towards the bar, catching River’s teasing grin whilst he cleans up after the bottles left on the center of the counter.

“What?” Mat reacts defensively, taking a seat in front of the lone bartender. River faintly shakes his head to leave just enough curiosity in Mathew’s mind.

“You’re such a tool, old man.” the kid says aiming for the cold beer River has put away for himself. River did not mind because he’s grown fond of the star player for the past years he’s spent going on late night drinks at his bar. Years that even justifies a proper amount of time for him to know the in’s and out’s of one Mathew Barzal.

“I haven’t said a thing.” he shrugs amidst the already wide grin on his face.

There’s wisdom in his eyes that Mathew has always admired. He wasn’t the guy who’d want to talk about what’s going on inside his head but with how River’s pub seems to be just the right place, he eventually concedes and takes a shot to pick on the old man’s brain.

“Come on, spill it out. I know you’re going to anyway.” Mat gives in, running his thumb on the moist label of the bottle.

River wipes his hands before resting it atop the counter. “Well, it’s just that– I ain’t used to seeing you turn down ladies like that too often. And you’re definitely not one to stick around watching me clean up.”

Mat stays silent for a moment, as if to gather the exact reason as to why he chose to stay. He still has a long way to go before figuring that one out. He wasn’t exactly as sharp as he was on the ice.

“I don’t know, man.” he chuckles tirelessly, “I guess I wasn’t in the mood. That’s all.”

“You?” River shots a brow and dismisses him, shaking his head. When Mat doesn’t answer, he carefully picks on his choice of words and lays it down carefully for him. After all, Mathew should have known that River was old enough to not know what’s going on.

“Though I gotta be honest with you, hijo. Never imagined you’d bring someone here.” he starts.

What must have been a shot in the dark for the old man was just enough to tear Mathew’s eyes away from staring at the water beads on the bottle.

“What?”

“The girl, Barz.” he says, banging on the head of the bottle to knock the cap off. “She a friend?”

“What? Y/N?” Mat quirks his brows trailing off where River was exactly headed, “What about her?— Oh, her? Yeah, no. She’s just a friend.”

“She pretty.” he speaks in a sound accent, not wanting to let Mat know he’s growing to like catching the young lad off guard. Mathew nods casually despite the continuous blabbering. “She’s y/n. But yeah— I guess, she is pretty.”

“Then what are you doing being just friends with a pretty girl?” River inquires, taking a sip of his beer. When he sees him trying to register what he’d just said he then adds, “Why not be with her? Date her?”

“Psh. What? Date y/n? That’s crazy.” Mat shakes his head furiously, “You’re crazy.”

“What’s so crazy about that?” River takes offense, laughing at the child’s naivete.

“I can’t date her. I mean— I won’t date her.” he takes the bottle to his mouth, taking a large gulp before continuing, “We’re in this weird relationship thing. A setup, actually, and it’s— it’s crazier than dating her. I swear, you of all people won’t get it.”

“What makes you think I can’t?” he smirks, “I’ve had my fair share of crazy.” River points out despite the hesitation in Mat’s eyes. “I got all night, kid.” he adds, letting him have the floor to himself.

“You really want in on this?” he second guesses, not wanting to bore the man with his personal life.

River leans against the brass counter just below the lit rack of vintage scotch displayed on the bar. He then gestures him to give a piece of his mind and Mat finally submits to his offer.

“We’ve been in a few… prior engagements,” he starts trying to find the appropriate word. “Well, sort of.”

River hums, not necessarily getting on the same page as him so he decides to be upfront about it.

“We’ve… slept together.” he confesses.

“So you used to date her?” the old man asks.

“No.” he answers, “I told you we’re just friends.”

With furrowed brows, River takes a minute. And once Mat hears an all too familiar “Oh.” he sees him break a chuckle, shaking his head at the thought of what Mat had just told him. “You kids have way too much fun these days.”

Mathew shrugs, “Hey, I warned you. Told you you wouldn’t get it.”

“Okay, make me understand something here. You two sleep together, fool around, do all that shit.” he says, “and you swear you’re not in a relationship?”

“Nope.” Mat answers with pride, popping out the word with a hard ‘p’.

“Huh.” River clicks his tongue, “How long have you two been… engaged?”

He rolls his eyes when River uses his word, “About two months.” he answers shortly.

“Is she seeing anyone since you two started this thing? You know, casual dates, the ones I presume she’s been getting before you got her into this mess?” he asks him in a tone that only fathers would ever dare to use.

Mat thinks for a moment, trying to recall the last time he’s seen a guy pick you up for dinner besides the old man you’ve successfully bagged for the night. He firmly shakes his head no and simply says, “At least not in my recollection.”

River willfully nods, walking Mat right into the trap. “Well have you been seeing anyone lately?” he asks again, this time slipping a hint of assertion. He hears a crystal clear ‘no’ from the forward and that’s when he broke a goading grin.

“And you’re telling me you two aren’t together?” he asks yet again, getting on Mat's nerves as he continues to flood him with biting queries, building up the final point he was about to break on Mathew.

“Rivs, for the hundredth time, no. We are not.” he clarifies.

Mat watches River pour himself a glass of scotch, still wearing a smug grin. “Imma give you a piece of advice, yeah?” he smiles rather teasingly and doesn’t wait for Mat to rebut, “I’m a happily married man so I don’t know a single squat about dating nowadays, but if you’re telling me that you kids aren’t sleeping with anyone else but yourselves? Looks like a damn relationship to me.”

With his brows all quirked in confusion (and denial in the very least), Mathew gathers all his might just so he could refute whatever madness River was trying to inflict on him and screw him up in the head. But before he could even open his mouth, the sound of the heavy doors was all it took to tear up both River’s and Mat’s attention.

“Hi.” you say the moment you were welcomed by unsuspecting men talking by the bar. River acknowledges you by raising his drink, his gaze landing on Mat the moment yours did.

“Hi.” Mathew mirrors you in an attempt to drown his already racing heart. A smile impending to break loose at any moment but he manages to suppress it. Instead of dealing with his adrenaline, he gestures for you to take a seat beside him.

“Where’s the sugar daddy?” he laughs the moment you drag yourself from across the room, mocking every word he said.

“His wife called when I got into his car.” you cringe.

“Oof. Lovely.” Mat makes the distinct expression on his face just before the two of you share a laugh.

“He’s not very smooth with adultery. He needs more practice.” you casually state sarcastically, clicking your tongue.

As you find the narrative funny, you take a sip on Mathew’s beer. “How are you not drunk? You’ve been drinking way too much the entire night.”

“Well. I’ve got some things to think about—” he cuts himself off upon seeing your mouth ajar, “And no, you’re not allowed to ask because none of it concerns you.”

“I wasn’t going to.” you dismiss him, excusing yourself to River which he gladly took as his cue to leave.

When he disappeared into the kitchen, you turned your gaze on your friend wearing another one of your mischievous grins, “Hey, wanna get pancakes?”

“Y/N, it’s almost 3 AM.” Mat sighs, the tiring night starting to creep up to him.

“So?” you question, swatting his hand away when you catch him checking on his watch.

“Come on. Stop drinking that.” you insist and take the bottle from his hand before putting it over to the side.

The two of you said your goodbyes to the lone bartender who was just starting to clean up again. River gives the two of you a nod of acknowledgement before landing a knowing look on Mathew. One that he’s thankful enough not to be discerned by you.

As you walk alongside Mathew, he unconsciously places a hand on the small of your back— feeling it graze on the fabric of your coat as if to guide you towards the door in an almost romantic type of way. Perhaps, a way someone would behave if they were actually in a relationship.

Mat notices your body tense but he doesn’t move an inch. Instead, his hand travels to the curve of your waist just as he leads you through the brass doors.

Once you’re out on the streets, he lets go.

𖥸

After almost half an hour of fighting over which diner is better to eat and get sober at, you and Mat decide to just try the new diner three blocks from your apartment. Being that it was an ungodly hour, the diner was good as closed when you got in. There were a few people inside and besides the student studying alone in the corner booth, the people lounging in the vacant seats were mostly just staff. Too bad they had to work the grave shift.

Mathew, who was rather preoccupied digging in his breakfast platter, gets interrupted when you call his attention.

“So tell me,” you ask as you take a forkful of syrupy pancake into your mouth. Finally satisfying your cravings. You put the food modestly in the insides of your cheeks when you ask him a question, “What are you like on dates?”

Mat disgustingly looks at you. You easily get what such a look meant and you immediately roll your eyes. You let your hand fall in mid-air amidst still holding a fork in it to prove a point. “I’m not trying to ask you out, dumbass. Don’t be so delusional.”

He puts his silverware down and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Why the sudden interest?”

“Just curious.” you simply say.

He hums, thinking about how he pulls off a first date. He then clears his throat as he takes you down that road. “First, I’m not bringing her to a 24/7 Diner.” you nearly gag. “She deserves a formal one just in case there won’t be a second date.” he explains.

You sit there, nodding your head every now and then as he further goes on the details of how he’s like on a date. “Of course, I’d put my best foot forward all the time. Talk about her stuff more than mine and make sure she has a good time.”

“Have you ever had a bad first date?” you curiously ask. To which he only answers with a stubborn look on his face, the one only Mat Barzal could pull off. “What? me? I don’t do bad first dates.”

“Oh, fuck off.” you flick his forehead as you laugh. The sound of his laughter echoing in your ears, drowning all the existing noise inside the lone diner.

But as the laughter dies down, Mat catches your eyes as soon as it falls on his. And just like that, there it was again, the exact same glint it had back in the bar. This time, illuminated by the pink shaded light lining up the wall accents of the diner.

When he realizes that he’s been staring for too long, he settles on turning the tables on you.

“How about you?” he props in his seat, “What are you like on dates?”

“You know, apart from the fact that you’re obviously into old men.” he snickers and you throw a curly fry on his forehead.

“Excuse me, I don’t.” you say sticking up for yourself.

Mat takes the curly fry that has fallen on his plate and proceeds to eat it. “Sure you do.”

You roll your eyes, finding it hard to suppress the fact that you might actually do. “There’s a reason why women like old men, chico.”

He leans back and answers with a level headed and quite teasing reply, “And why’s that?”

“Because they’re men.” you look at him with a jerky grin as you continue, “And men, especially of River’s kind, definitely knows how to eat his french fry.”

Mat’s mouth falls wide in disbelief, appalled that you’ve actually found a way to pick up a stone and throw it straight to his face just to rub more salt on the fact that you had to teach a 23-year-old grown man how to eat cunt.

“You’re an ass.” he says, rolling his eyes. You let out a laugh and shake your head. You were proud of yourself, sure; but showing just that is far too much for a boy’s already hurting ego. Who would have known humbling this man was such a task.

“I’m playing! You know how to now.” you tell him, “Thanks to me, of course.”

He scoffs and takes a bite off his pancakes, “Cocky.”

“But you still haven’t answered my question.” he reminds you whilst he wipes off his lips with a napkin.

“There’s not much to tell. You know I’m not high maintenance.” you tell him, ignoring the fact that you haven’t been on an actual date for so long you’re almost sure you’ve forgotten how to be in one.

“I know it’s cheesy and corny but I do think it’s still in the littlest things, you know?” you sigh. Trying to remember the last relationship (date even) you had wherein those little things, the ones that are merely the bare minimum, were actually given to you.

“You know, it’s not much, really. Maybe just a good talk without having to watch him watch me talk all night when he’s really thinking about how I’d look naked, you know what I mean?” you laugh it off, “I know, it’s stupid.”

The arrogant man sitting before you was silent for once, profusely wanting to wash the pool of melancholy he sees in your eyes. There must have been a shit ton of guys who overlooked how great of a woman you actually are just because they couldn’t stop thinking with the head in between their legs even just for a second.

Mathew knows. And he hates that he’s been ‘that’ guy at some point. Probably until now considering him thinking with his balls on was the very thing that got the two of you here in the first place.

You take a deep breath, smiling. “Anyway, that’s better than almost getting with a married man. Right?”

“Right.” Mat laughs, his gray eyes bright under all the lights as he plays with his silverware,— devoid of how much he looked like as if he was utterly and undeniably in awe of not just the energy of the woman sitting in front of him alone nor the fact that she was by far the most unbelievable woman he’s known, but most importantly, he’s yet to realize how much in deep he’s beginning to be for the woman she actually were.

Just as she is.

𖥸

You left the diner a good hour before the sunrise and what must have been a quick five minute drive if you had only taken a cab, became a twenty minute foot race between you and Mathew.

You knew that walking was a bad idea but somehow, Mat’s charm and persuasive antics had a better hold than you thought you had on your very capable cognition.

As you drag your feet into the confines of the elevator in your complex, you hear Mathew chuckling behind you with a firm hand securely placed on your waist supporting your balance.

“You know— and not just ‘cause I’m an athlete, can I just say that you’re in a very bad shape?” he says almost a whisper in your ear, his voice low and deep.

You roll your eyes, leaning on the steel cold mirror once he pulls away, “You do it in heels then tell me who’s in a bad shape.”

“Fair point.” he chuckles yet again, shying away. He presses the number for your floor before resting across from you. As Mat watches you catch your breath, he jokes in the hopes of breaking the ice between the two of you.

“So…” he clicks his tongue, playful eyes looking at you, “Wanna tap?”

Disgusted to your very core, you let out a scoff just as you shake your head. “You’re fucking sick.” you laugh upon meeting his dumb grinning face. Seconds into laughter, Mat’s silence kills off the humor. The two of you exchange glances, the smiles on your faces receding into quietude.

Mathew didn’t want to end the night letting you in the apartment not knowing what he’s been feeling the moment you’ve let him drag you out for an impromptu night out. And stupid as it was, the only thing he could think of was to slide his foot across the enclosed space embracing the two of you, nudging on your boot. You on the one hand were rather puzzled as to what caused such language. You send him a mental query by arching a brow. He lets his head fall back on the cold metal surrounding the elevator finally deciding to speak his truth.

“I’m glad we get to hang out now. You know, just like friends do.” he genuinely says.

“Me too.” you say, smiling. “I really had fun tonight. Thank you.”

As you meet his eyes, you see a glimmer of softness in his gaze.

“Good thing I got bored, eh?” he says with a smirk.

“Good thing I came back for you.” you reply.

A quiet smile parts from his lips.

“Yeah. I’m glad you did.”

It was a few seconds when you and Barzy parted from your respective walls to meet the sliding doors as it opened on your designated floor. You were pulling him closer by the tie of his coat whilst his hand was instinctively placed on your hips letting him press his body on you. Your faces were inches from each other’s, evident of not wanting to prolong the totally unplanned foreplay that’s about to go down in a communal lift.

But just like every film you’ve watched your whole life, the inevitable cliché befalls the two of you when the next words that filled the enclosed walls you’re currently caged in came from the man who has yet to miss a morning jog.

“What the hell is going on here?”

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fic #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal smut #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #hockey fic #nhl fic #hockey smut #letters to barzy #barzzal imagines

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realcube · 3 years

Text

jealous haikyuu!! boys

summary: the haikyuu!! boys getting jealous over you talking to a boy but as it turns out, that boy is in fact your relative

characters: third year gym squad (lev, hinata, bokuto, kuroo, tsukishima & akaashi)

thank you to anon for this sweet request! 💖

(y/n) = your name

(b/n) = brother’s name

tw// sexual references, swearing

Lev Haiba

he was already in a sour mood from practise bc kenma, kuroo & yaku had all ganged up on him so he was getting beat left, right & centre

so he was feeling extra confrontational when he laid eyes on you laughing and chatting with some other guy, in the spot where you usually stand and wait for him after practise

he was so mad >:(

like he just had a shitty day at school and now some punk was trying to flirt with you- and you didn’t seem to be uncomfortable either

DOES HIS SUFFERING KNOW NO END?! 😩😭

grrr like he had spent 90% of the day looking forward to seeing you and now you were talking to some other guy like he didn’t even exist :(

a part of him knew that he was being overdramatic but the other part of him was like ‘all feelings are valid, lev. 💕💖💗’

like he literally worked so hard to be the best boyfriend possible and this guy thought he could just swoop in and steal your heart??? without even letting you braid his hair yet???

yeah, lev had spent too much money on cat keychains to lose you this far into the game

also he loves you pls don’t leave him rn (y/n) 😭

so he marched up to you with a frown, grabbing your hand and placing a kiss on the back just like he usually does as a greeting, ‘hi, babe.’ he murmured.

your attention immediately shifted onto your boyfriend and you automatically pouted upon seeing his glum expression, ‘hiya. are you okay, hun? rough day at scho--’

he held your hand by his lips and muttered from behind your knuckles, ‘who’s this?’ he inquired, vaguely gesturing to your brother

‘oh, lev! this is my brother! i don’t think y’all have met yet.’

lev blinked rapidly at what you just said, ‘brother? like- male sibling.’

you nodded while simultaneously quirking an eyebrow at his need for clarification at the simplest piece of information, ‘yes. my male sibling.’

lev let out a heavy sigh of relief as his lips curled into a smile, softening his grip on your hand, allowing you to pull it away, ‘ah, okay.’

then he turned to your brother and stuck out his hand, ‘nice to mee-- you don’t look anything like (y/n).’ he chirped, all trances of sadness leaving his face - it was kinda creepy how quickly he was able to do that

model tingz

your brother shrugged, ‘yeah.’ he hastily took lev’s hand, giving it a firm shake before turning on his heels, ‘i should really get going now, bye!’ he called out before rushing off, quite intimidated by the fact you had a skyscraper for a boyfriend

lev turned to you, a warm smile now gracing his features

‘uh, where did all your gloom go? you looked miserable just a few seconds ago!’ you inquired, playfully poking his cheek

lev shrugged, poking your forehead in retaliation, ‘i don’t know. i’m here with you now so i guess i don’t have a reason to be sad.’ he said nonchalantly, forgetting the fact he had gotten the results for his midterms today and he had failed maths horribly

but who need maths when you’re a model yk?

Shōyō Hinata

bruh- hinata didn’t even notice you were talking to someone UIEFGBVFE

once practise was over he literally just ran up and threw himself at you

he has selective vision, he only sees the things he wants to see and rn, all he wants to see you under the moonlight 🥺

so he wraps you in a hug and peppers your face in kisses just like he usually does when he greets you after practise

then he noticed that there was some guy standing next to you, aggressively tapping your shoulder to request your attention even though hinata was clearly trying to tell you about his day at practise

he unintentionally scowled at the boy before cocking his head to the side and asking, ‘who are you?’

although this tone of voice didn’t seem too nasty; given the context - accompanied by the sour look on his face - the question seemed to have threatening undertones

you’re brother blinked rapidly before uttering, ‘i’m (b/n).’

he continued to stare daggers at the guy, ‘what do you want from (y/n)?’

‘the maths homework answers.’ your brother chuckled, continuing to playfully poke your shoulder until hinata swatted his hand away

‘she doesn’t owe you an--’

you were extremely confused as to why hinata took up such a serious demeanour but then you realised that he had never met your brother before, so hinata probably thought there was just some creepy harassing you for the homework answers

although you were charmed by your boyfriend’s attempts to be ‘scary’ for you, you still felt the need to intervene

‘oh, shōyō. that’s my brother, by the way.’ you hummed, awkwardly rubbing the back of your neck

both your brother and your boyfriend slowly turned their heads to look at you, sharing the same dumbfounded look

‘your brother?!’ hinata exclaimed while your brother now looked rather offended, ‘you didn’t tell your boyfriend about me- rude!’

to be fair, your one year anniversary with shōyō was approaching so you feel foolish about not telling him about your brother sooner- it’s just that it never really crossed your mind

‘i’m fucking leaving.’ (b/n) spat, turning on his heels; trying to make it seem like he was storming out because he was upset that you hadn’t mentioned him to your boyfriend but in reality, he was just getting tired of prying at you for the homework answers

‘i’m fucking leaving too!’ hinata hissed, imitating your brother’s actions until he got the gate of the school, then he turned back around and shuffled back over to you

he pulled you into a hug, resting his chin on your shoulder and squeezing your waist tight as he whispered into your ear, ‘do you have any other secret siblings that you want to tell me about?’

you giggled, pressing a gentle kiss onto his collarbone ‘i don’t think so.’

Kōtarō Bokuto

mans thought you were leaving him 🥺

like why would you talk to another guy when you had a cool ace bf already? (˘･_･˘)

in bokuto’s mind, that could only mean one thing;

YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE HIM FOR AN EVEN COOLER ACE BOYFRIEND!! ヽ(*。>Д<)o゜

and the fact your brother was wearing a jersey didn’t help either

like, he doesn’t often get jealous when you talk to other guys but this one was wearing a JERSEY FFS!!! that meant he must be cool >:(((

also, you were laughing!

yeah, you sometimes laugh when you talk to akaashi or boys in your class but this time it was different

the guy looked familiar but bokuto couldn’t put a finger on who he was - but he knew that the guy wasn’t from Fukurōdani as the colors of his jersey were a fruity teal and white - and this made him feel even more uneasy

bokuto knew what he had to do

he had to win you back by being thE COOLEST ACE BOYFRIEND!!

he ran a hand through his hair to it was extra spiky before swaggering up to you; chin up, back straight and chest puffed out

‘sup, doll.’ he said with a wink, forcing his voice to deepen

you sighed, upon hearing this unusual nickname, it didn’t take you long to figure out what was going on

bokuto didn’t even let you reply as he dropped to one knee and gently took you hand - making both you and your brother’s breath hitch in unison, thinking that you were about to witness a proposal and knowing bokuto, that didn’t seem completely impossible

however, instead of pulling out a ring; he pressed a tender kiss against you knuckles before pulling the pair of earbuds you had left at his house yesterday, out of his pocket and lowering his head as he held them out for you

‘i humbly offer these to thee.’

‘how did you go from a pimp to prince in 3 seconds?’ you inquired, snatching your earbuds from him while shooting him a disapproving look

(b/n) couldn’t help but snicker at your boyfriends little performance, ‘i see he’s not changed a bit.’

bokuto hummed, looking over to meet eyes with your brother

(b/n) smiled shot him a warm smile, ‘hi, bokut--’

‘do i know you?’

you instinctively gasped while your brother just laughed, ‘i’m (b/n); (y/n)’s brother. we met once after one of your games, remember?’

bokuto did not remember - at all - but he trusted that it did happen as that’d explain why he seemed so familiar

to avoid appearing any more ignorant, bokuto just nodded in agreement, ‘oh, yeah! it’s all coming back to me now.’ he chuckled awkwardly while getting up from his knee, ‘you just look so different with your jersey on, man.’

you rolled your eyes at how poor bokuto’s lying skills were but perhaps you should be more disappointed in your brother as he actually fell for it

‘oh, for real?’ (b/n) asked, looking down at his chest while wondering if jersey really did the trick

needless to say, bokuto never forgot your brother’s face ever again lmao

Tetsurō Kuroo

upon exiting the building (after practise) and seeing you conversing with some guy by the school gates, he wasted no time in ripping his shirt off and parading over to you

he mentally reassured himself that he had no need to be jealous bc there was no way you’d leave his fine-ass for some average guy that made you laugh by the school gate-- WAIT YOU WERE LAUGHING!?!? ◉_◉

i mean, kuroo had made you laugh before- but you were just being so nice to this guy who he’d never seen around the school before which stressed him

plus, the guy looked like he was in college so kuroo was extremely worried that you might leave him for an older guy bc he had heard from yaku that some ppl like older men 😭😭

he could not let this happen ✋

his shirt now served as a scarf hanging around his neck as he strutted up to you, placing his hand on your shoulder to grab your attention

he wasn’t sure whether to go for the intimidation tactic or perhaps redirect your attention off of the guy and back onto your dearest boyfriend; so he went with both

‘(y/n)?’ he spoke, lowering his voice so it was more raspy - like his morning voice which he knew you were obsessed with

although kuroo is not ‘chemistry nerd’ smart, he definitely knows how to play his cards right IEFBERGLIEABVR

you hummed in response, swiftly turning to look at him before letting out a cackle upon seeing your half-naked boyfriend standing behind you

‘hey! don’t laugh at me!’ kuroo whined, his mask of confidence quickly shattering

‘put your shirt back on, tetsurō!’ you panted through guffaws, clutching your chest to prevent your heart from beating out of your chest

honestly, it was quite hot but ofc you’d never admit that so you just had to hide your desire behind laughs

while you were laughing, kuroo turned to look at your brother, trying to form a glare but it looked more like a squint tbh

‘and you are?’

(b/n) wore a stunned look at how quickly your boyfriend’s attitude changed, temporarily unable to think up a reaction but then blurted out, ‘(b/n). you?’

(b/n) cocked his head to the side while backing up slightly, ready to make a run for it as soon as kuroo replied

kuroo didn’t intimidate (b/n), per se, it’s just that (b/n) wanted to get as far away from this interaction as possible as it generally made him feel uneasy

‘i’m (y/n)’s boyfriend.’ he said lowly with a menacing smile

‘cool.’ (b/n) voice cracked as he adjusted the strap of his bag before launching off into the horizon on his heels

a smug expression was plastered on his face as he gazed proudly at his work - he had managed to scare off an upperclassman with sheer manliness

by now, your laughing fit had died down and your lips formed a frown as you watched your brother bolt over to his car, hop in and drive away - presumably, back to your home

‘hey.’ you moaned, watching until his car turned a corner and left your vision, ‘he was my ride home!’

kuroo’s soul almost left his body upon hearing you say that, ‘you shouldn’t be getting in cars with crusty, older men anyway!’

you rolled your eyes, ‘he’s my brother, dumbass!’

IEHFBEVJEAU kuroo shut tf up immediately 😶

‘oops- my bad.’ he snickered before jogging out the school gates, ‘have fun walking, babe!’ he threw up a piece sign before disappearing round a corner in a similar way that your brother did

Kei Tsukishima

tsukishima had just finished practise, he walked out the gym to notice that you were talking to some guy next to the vending machine

he literally almost had a heart-attack bc he thought it was kageyama

but no

IT WAS WORSE

tsukishima never really got jealous when you talked to other guys bc he knew they really had nothing in comparison to him lol

i mean, tsukishima knew he was a catch: he’s lanky, bitchy, tall, rude, emotionally-distant, tall, untrusting, tall, insecure, surly, a horrible cook- did i mention he’s tall?

ok so maybe he wasn’t as much of a catch as he originally thought but the fact he is tall is really the thing that’s holding together his façade of arrogance

so imagine his shock when he sees you happily chatting away to a guy that’s 6″4 !!!!!!

for clarification, tsukishima is 6″2

tsukishima passed away on the spot 💀⚰

he had already logged onto Instagram and removed the ‘Taken 🔒’ out of his bio

there’s no way he’s gonna be able to win you back now ✌😔

he’s had his time has your tall bf- it’s time to resign

BUT HE WASN’T GONNA GIVE UP THAT EASILY

not before he indulged in some bitchery ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

he practised the scene 10 times in his head before executing it, starting by striding up to you and slipping an arm round your waist, pulling you against his chest

his eyes held a penetrating stare on your brother from above the edge of his glasses, he snickered mockingly as his index finger pushed the frames further up the bridge of his nose

honestly, tsukki tried his best to hide it but he was genuinely quite nervous not only bc he actually had to look up slightly to hold eye contact with the guy - which is something he’s obviously not used to - but also due to the fact he simply could not come up with a good insult for this guy; even though he was usually quite good at spotting people’s insecurities ‘:(

hence, all he could to was produce a deriding chuckle which was aimed towards the guy in hopes that it was make him feel half as insecure as tsukishima was feeling rn

‘what’s so funny?’ you asked, clueless to your boyfriend having an internal breakout while standing right beside you

tsukishima rolled his eyes, realising that the guy seemed unfazed by his dirty looks so it seemed as thought tsukki would have to crack up the pettiness

‘who’s this chump, (y/n)?’ tsukishima leaned in to semi-whisper in your ear, but loud enough so your brother could still hear

‘tsukki!’ you gasped at your boyfriend’s choice of words before scolding him further, ‘that’s my brother- he’s a 3rd year!’

tsukishima paled

he bowed to the point where he was basically a right angle ‘m-, uh, my apologies, sir. i ha-, um, i had no idea you were related to (y/n).’

he was sO EMBARASSED AAAAAAAAAAA

your brother reassured him it was fine but tsukki was apologising for another 5 minutes after that

he promised himself never to get jealous again after that (ಥ _ ಥ) it only leads to trouble

no matter how tall the guy is either-

he swore that if he ever saw a 9″ guy talking to you and it upset him, he’d just close his eyes 😑

he probably should’ve promised to stop running his mouth too bc that’d probably result in a lot less trouble but- baby steps, y’all LMAO

Keiji Akaashi

i can’t really imagine akaashi as the type to get jealous tbh

and if he does, he deals with it pretty well

like if sees you talking with a guy in a way that bothers him, he’s definitely not confrontational enough to deal with it right there so he’d wait until y’all are alone at home or sumn

but you had been acting especially distant lately

so when he spots you hanging with some random guy next to the water fountain, he kinda snaps

he stalked up to you so he could take your hand in his own, asking if he could borrow just a moment of you time so he could talk to you

you accept, of course, wondering what this could possibly be about

he explains how he’s been feeling and you feel quite bad tbh

you weren’t aware that you were detaching yourself from him but you had to blame your schoolwork tbh

once you expressed how schoolwork along with the stress of your job had really been getting you down lately so you asked you brother for assistance, he immediately pulled you into a hug

the last thing he wanted was or it to seem like he was desperate for your attention bc although it was nice, he respected how you had to prioritize other things/people

in fact, he only brought this issue up bc it was beginning to eat him from the inside out - his insecurities telling him that you had lost interest in him and like anyone else, he desired a bit of comfort

you reassured him that you hadn’t ‘lost interest’ in him and you separation as well as you current closeness with you brother was all to do with your workload and hopefully, sometime in the near future, you’ll be able to sit down, relax and just watch a movie with akaashi

that was all fair and lovely but there was still one thing that continued to bother him

‘who’s that guy you were talking to?’ he inquired, gesturing to your brother who was awkwardly standing alone by the fountain

‘my brother.’

‘oh-’

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