#i mostly read horror this year but I've got other things in the can | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

explosionshark · 1 year

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i am about to go spend 4 mandatory days with my family so i went back through to make sure i didn't miss your book recommendation post. it looks like you haven't made it yet and NO RUSH and also NO PRESSURE but i AM looking forward to it and invested. thank u for your time

Expediting this list FOR YOU, SHANNON ❤️

These are unranked btw. A single tier that is "this was good so you should read it"

Even Though I Knew the End by CL Polk - this novella feels almost like it was cooked up in a lab specifically to appeal to me. I love 40s noir, I love urban fantasy, I love sapphic romance. This book delivers on all fronts. It follows a freelance magician as she investigates a series of brutal supernatural murders that have been plaguing Chicago. If she can find out who's behind the killings she can save lives - including her own. Aside from the great noir detective angle and the fun magic system, there's a beautiful romance at the core. If you read this and you like it, you should definitely also check out P Djeli Clark's Dead Djinn series of books for more stories in a similar vein.

Elder Race by Adrian Tchaikovsky - another novella! This one's not gay, but it's got a great science fantasy premise. At what point is technology indistinguishable from magic? How much difference does it make? This story is a dual narrative - half of it follows the daughter of a royal so low down the succession chain that she's functionally useless embarking on a half mad quest to track down the ancient wizard of folk legends and secure his help in protecting her family's lands against attacks by monsters. The other half follows an anthropologist, the lone survivor of a research team dispatched to a backwater planet centuries ago, struggling to find a sense of purpose in his lonely existence, while the terms of his placement on the planet forbid him from engaging in the lives of the civilization he was sent to observe. Very fun and a brisk read.

Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield - this one's quite different in tone. It's a quiet, contemplative romantic drama about a married couple who planned to spend their whole lives together, slipping away from each other after a traumatic event. It's also a cosmic horror novel about the ocean - its secrets, its power, its ability to transform. Beautifully written but slow paced - if reading about the minutae of the relationship between two British lesbians and also Lovecraftian body horror both hold equal appeal to you as subject matter, it's a book you'll adore.

Echo by Thomas Olde Heuvelt - speaking of relationship issues! This one's gay and haunted in the other direction. It follows a couple after one of them suffers a horrible accident while mountain climbing and comes back different. I'm not sure how much you like scary books, Shannon - I'd say this one is scarier than Our Wives, but not like super terrifying. It's got some amazing ideas though - genuinely the most original haunting/possession story I've read in years.

The Blacktongue Thief by Christopher Buehlman - this was SO much fun. I've struggled reading fantasy this year - I keep starting books and not finishing them. This is the title that finally broke my fantasy slump. It's easy to read, fast paced and not overly dense, with an interesting world and lore that's constantly fleshed out throughout the whole run of the book. Also, god, it was so refreshing to read a sword and sorcery fantasy book with wizards and goblins and shit and just have it be full of women? And the author isn't weird about it? It's narrated by a male character in the vein of the classic Irish trickster hero, but the supporting cast are mostly women. A scrappy apprentice witch, a stoic raven knight with magic tattoos, a magic assassin, a witch queen in exile who has to be restored to the thrown that was stolen from her - it's all happening! Honestly adored this book. Can't wait for the next entries in the series.

Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner - okay this is not gonna be for everyone. It's also the only straight up romance on the list - in my defense, I haven't read many this year. This is a book about what if you were a college senior moping about on your school's family weekend and you hook up with a hot older chick about it and then the next morning you find out your one night stand is actually your best friend's mom. No wait, keep reading! I actually found this book to have way less of the conflict you'd expect - there was some of the obvious friction, the conflict of interest, the secrecy demanded by the premise but the romance itself was very kind, sweet, generous, once it got going. This one is also very smutty. If a romance sounds appealing but this premise is a no-go, you might want to check out Meryl Wilsner's other book Something To Talk About! I'm very picky with romance, but they're two for two with me.

Good luck! Happy reading!

#book recs #explosionreads #Shannon hmu if you want more recs in a specific genre #i mostly read horror this year but I've got other things in the can

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notbecauseofvictories · 5 months

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I think I saw you shared a list of books you’d read a couple years ago and was it you who read something like 350+ books in a single year? If so that’s absolutely remarkable and I’d love to see a list of top ten (or twenty or whatever number) of books you’ve read this year that you recommend

Don't be ridiculous, I only read 303 books in 2021! That's much more reasonable than 350. And I've read fewer and fewer each year since---this year I don't think I'm going to crack 50, though I still have a couple days.

Still, always happy to talk about what I enjoyed. Books are listed in vaguely chronological order, though I make no promises.

Patricia Wants to Cuddle, Samantha Allen

I've mentioned this book before, but essentially I put in the library request solely for the improbability of the premise---The Bachelor heads to the PNW and encounters Bigfoot? Fortunately, it delivered on that promise magnificently. A breezy and delightfully gruesome little novel with a bodycount.

Are You My Mother?, Alison Bechdel

I didn't viscerally connect with this one as much as "Fun Home" but I think it might be because it's…closer to the bone for me. When Bechdel writes about the longing for a mother that can't be answered, pulling back, pleasing, an anger that becomes unspeakable, re-routed to anxiety…it's uh. well it's churned up the silt, let's put it that way.

Greener Pastures, Michael Wehunt

I love short stories, but finding those authors who hit the right notes unerringly, in such a brief space, can be tricky sometimes. Wehunt is the rare exception, strange and unique as a writer, dream-like in his descriptions and images. "October Film Haunt: Under the House" was my favorite, though I can't say for sure whether it's because I recognized the framing device or it was just fun to read…

Running with Scissors, A Wolf at the Table, Lust & Wonder, Augusten Burroughs

I read these out of order (Lust & Wonder first, then the other two) but even so, I was wildly impressed. Lust & Wonder was a revelation; I stumbled on it in the library and walked out with it the same day. No wonder people tell you to read his books, he's got such a clear-eyed meanness, an interesting sort of canniness to his depiction of himself, the people in his life…it really does demonstrate that there is no such thing as a boring life, just a boring narrator. But if Lust & Wonder is Burroughs at the height of his power, Running with Scissors and Wolf at the Table are the necessary steps up to it. More unfinished, more raw---a litany of horrors, not even leavened by that same canny, mean humor that flashes through L&W. It's just horrifically sad to watch every person around this kid fail him, leave, or both; terrifying and unexpectedly funny and yet tender as a sucking wound.

The Princess Bride, William Goldman

I picked this up entirely by chance and ended up being deeply charmed. I don't know what I was expecting---well, no, that's not true, I was expecting the film. But what I got instead was something almost real, pleasantly rough around the edges as Goldman's caustic narration winds its way from Florin to the machinations of S. Morgenstern's lawyers, to his struggles with raising his son. (One of the funniest scenes was when he goes to meet S. Morgenstern's lawyer, and the ravishingly beautiful attorney becomes a horrible old hag the more she talks about how he won't be granted a license.) I was afraid the book would be twee, but at the center of it is a pure (if slightly embarrassing, but truth generally is outside of Florin) love of stories, and wanting stories told.

In the Woods, The Likeness, Broken Harbor, Tana French

As I've said before, I started reading this series because I was traveling to Ireland and thought it seemed appropriate. I didn't go too deep into French's oeuvre, mostly because I couldn't shake wanting the books to be urban fantasy rather than gripping psychological portraits with a decidedly noir sensibility. Still, the books themselves are taut and fascinating, the portraits they paint of the Dublin Murder Squad (all of whom are staggering, wounded in their own ways) and the blighted, post-Celtic Tiger Ireland, are deeply compelling. Also, I do still think The Likeness is a perfect answer to The Secret History.

Lesser Known Monsters of the 21st Century, Kim Fu

There's something truly powerful in a short story that doesn't answer any questions or provide you with any sort of guidance---just walks in and rearranges your photographs so they're slightly off-kilter, leaves you with that destabilization. It's almost spiritual, that sense. In particular, there's a story in the collection about the world's sense of taste disappearing; a woman begins crafting art installations to try and recreate the experience of eating a pear, what your favorite family meal tasted like. Short stories are like that.

Perilous Times, Thomas D. Lee

I was surprised by this one. I know that's how I've described half the books above, but truly, this surprised me---not so much the rising action or plot (there's a sleeping king, knights around a table, a dragon) but I loved the setting so much. The depiction of a slightly-futuristic UK as drowning land sold off for parts; figures like immortal spymaster Marlowe coexisting with reborn Lancelot and Kay; the fay hovering around the edges; and then just….all the factions, the Welsh royalists and men's rights group propped up by military contractors; environmental activists, the references to the hodgepodge that existed in the 4th century AD too. More than anything, the novel conveyed how Britain's always been a place of change, the movement of people and permeable barriers, and that more than anything worked for me. (Also, it's a small thing but I loved how the Camelot crew translated modern concepts and objects into their language and knowledge of the world. It was always shown as hesitation rather than total shock, and I found it both moving and persuasive.)

A Cup of Salt Tears, Isabel Yap

I read this in a series of speculative novellas, which impressed on me yet again how hard it must be to write novellas. (Last year, one of my least favorite books was a novella; I still think about it with joyful hate.) However, Yap takes care to focus on single, brief narrative, concerns herself solely with the very small yet very significant issue of a woman, her husband, who and how she loves, wrapped up together with a kappa. Excellent, haunting.

Books of 2020 | Books of 2021 | Books of 2022

#from the bookshelf

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like-if-a-bad-idea-was-a-girl · 21 days

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So I wrote, I guess fanfiction(?) about @puppygirllaika 's story Transition Diary of a Sex Doll, she had no hand in writing this it's just my interpretation and I'm posting it here with her consent.

It takes the form of a journal update from the pov of Andie several years later explaining in detail how she goes about looking after her doll.

Obviously everything you read here is fantasy and for entertainment only. The only TW I'd add to the list on the original story is I talk about calories at one point very briefly.

Hi all, this is Andie. I've had a ton of requests to let or make Jane update this. First if all 'Jane' is a dead name now, my doll doesn't have a name anymore. Second I have given it the opportunity to do so and it has declined. So here I am several years later to give you an idea of what its existence is like now and how I go about looking after it. I'm doing this, finally, because I feel like if I can help others either look after their new doll or figure out their feelings then I should. So here goes I guess

Bedsores: I can't have my doll getting infected, it'd be less useful for me. But this is a two birds one stone situation because I always need something to do with my hands and touching flesh is especially rewarding, so whenever I'm watching TV I have it on my lap and kneed the flesh where it tends to lay

Voice: originally it wanted full vocal chord removal so it'd be silent but I changed the surgery to suit me better, it now has only partial use of its voice, just enough so my doll moans when I fuck it and screams when I cut or hit it

Mind: if my doll lost touch with reality it'd start reacting to things that aren't real and I need it to be quiet when not in use so I have to keep it sane. So every day I prop it on the couch surrounded by stuffed toys and put the TV on for it. Sometimes I put on horror movies so it can practice screaming and looking scared, sometimes porn so it can practice moaning and crying out, or sometimes just nature documentaries. And I make sure I take it out of the house at least once a month, sometimes to a hookup so we can both use it, or camping or on a road trip.

Muscles: I need my doll to be able to clench around me and move its neck enough to give me head so I can't let its muscles atrophy. So i bought a tens unit and i put it on once or twice a week for a few hours to keep the muscles moving properly Skin: I like its skin to be smooth and well looked after because it's a better tactile experience for me and also because bruises look better on nice skin. So I sponge bath it often, scrubbing its skin thoroughly and cleaning all the tricky bits to keep them fresh. Whenever I cut it for the pure pleasure of parting living flesh with a sharp blade, or whenever I bite it so hard I come away with a chunk of flesh, or even when I dig my nails in so deep I carve deep gouges, then I need the first aid kit. I've got rather good at suturing wounds closed and carefully bandaging them, and then once they have healed enough I rub oils and moisturizers into the healing skin to minimize scars. And of course I keep up with its estrogen gell so its skin stays smooth.

Hair: mostly not a big job, the hair on its face it had lasered back when it was pretending to be human, the skin around its pussy was removed by electrolysis prior to the bottom surgery, and the hair on its head I keep just long enough to be useful for gripping so it has a convenient handle

Food/ water: it needs much less of both now, about half a cup of water a day and one meal every second day, it took me a long time to figure out the optimal calorie intake so its boobs would stay nice and full and its belly chub was enough that I can use it as a hold to fuck it. I make it a special all-in-one food so its bones and skin and everything else stays strong and healthy, and I make it in all the flavors it used to love because nutrients are absorbed better when the senses are properly stimulated. And then of course I brush its teeth.

I also bought one of those fancy neural link headsets, mostly for emergency use, because only it can tell me if something feels wrong in its body. But once a year I put the headset on her and force her to be a person for a couple of hours, I know she hates it and it exhausts her but I've told her it's like routine system maintenance and that seems to help. I make her reaffirm her consent for everything that I do to her. I ask her if she has any requests or anything I can do to help her be a better toy. We talk again about the possibility of a lobotomy or something more serious. I ask her if she has anything else she'd like to say. And then I take off the headset and I watch it sigh and relax as the mask falls off, as it stops pretending to be a person.

Between all that, yeah it's a big job looking after my doll properly. But it's mine and I'm careful with what belongs to me, and if I didn't feel like it was worth the effort I would have given it away or sold it by now. There's the obvious sexual uses, but there are lots more. Human bodies have sympathetic nervous systems so it really helps with my anxiety and panic attacks to cuddle it really tight to my chest. Its slow steady heartbeat and measured breathing soothe me, sometimes it hums softly which helps too. And it makes a great therapist, it listens and never talks back and looks at me with those deep loving eyes. Ohhh and of course as a hot water bottle, my feet get so cold at night it's nice having something soft and warm to put them on whilst I sleep, making sure the blanket isn't covering its face.

Thanks for reading, I hope this has helped anyone considering becoming a sex doll or taking on the responsibility of one of their own.

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itshype · 1 year

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My DC x DP Masterpost

Here is my masterpost of works that fall into the category of a crossover of DC comics and Danny Phantom. Mostly, these will be notfics. If any of the links are broken please message me ASAP. Edit: I will not be doing taglists because people are quite frankly abusing the idea.

What's a notfic?

So, this was really common in fandom like 10 years ago but it's less common now so I'm just including this quick explanation in case. Notfic/Not!Fic is the halfway point between an actual fic and a prompt. It mostly sort of has the tone of describing another fic to somebody, or working out an ongoing plot with a friend (e.g. Instead of writing out an entire set of dialogue, a notfic might just put "Jason and Tim discuss why they both want to fake their deaths").

Permissions Housekeeping

I totally don't mind if anyone wants to take all or part of what I've written for any prompt and write an actual fic or create another transformative work as long as I'm appropriately credited. If you're just taking the most oblique inspiration from something I've made I'd appreciate at least a tag so I can read it!

Also if you'd like to tag me in any of your works please do, provided that it's the first if it's in a series and not Jazz/Jason as the main pairing, please.

Works

Kingmaker, Kingbreaker, Crowntaker, Realmshaker

Danny isn't the Ghost King but after defeating Pariah Dark the new king knows Danny has massive political influence.

Navigate any storm, with nothing but the stars to guide you

Danny is obsessed with space so the whole 'superhero' thing is on the backburner.

Please don’t pet me! I am working!

Repeat after me, SERVICE ANIMAL CUJO. (Minor Connor Kent/Danny Fenton)

It's a boy, congratulations... to me!

Danny insists Connor is his clone even though he's really not.

Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss, Godhood

Danny gets caught and tells the JLA that neither he nor Vlad are ghosts.

New type of Vlad just dropped

When a ghost's obsession is destroyed, they get a new one.

Mother of the Year

Talia Al Ghul gets to be a good mother. As a treat.

Amorpho Whomst?

Danny, Dani and Dan trade off on responsibilities.

Halfa? Half a What?

Danny's half human, no one's sure what the other half is.

The second, secret Justice League

There's another Justice League that not even the Justice League is cleared to know about.

Excuse me, do you work here? Danny is sent to represent the first, non-secret Justice League.

Triple Threat

The Champion of All Magic and The King of All Ghosts have a mutual triplet.

Like peas in a pod [person]

Jason is healed of the pit rage but has a whole new problem.

There's a Mr Wight Hood to see you?

Jason adopts Danny instead of being the Red Hood.

The Wight Baby For The Job Sequel to Mr Wight Hood

You Make Miso Scared

Danny's always talking about soup time.

Reverse Bruce

Give baby Jason MORE PARENTS!

Work Experience

Danny has to learn about Ghost culture before he can rule it.

Mansplain Yourself

Constantine probably knows best about ghosts over the Justice League's newest member...

The Opposite of a Golden Ticket

International star Ember McLain is in danger

Haustoria Horror

Undergrowth's got Poison Ivy

Like and Survive!

Danny runs an advice website for young heroes

You're not the Boss of me!

Batman accidentally outs his family to Danny

This is a PSA

Danny's Wail affects the JLA

Floral Fiasco

Poison Ivy errs

How I Met Your Brother

Dan joins the JLA

The Manhunter's Manhunt

There's a miscommunication with the Martian Manhunter

The Green Knight

Jason lives (just this once)

___

The Job

Danny's gotta put food on the table (Also available in DP only version)

Always A King (DC x DP)

The Realms must have a king

Series: The Surprise Obsessions of the Ghostly Batclan (image heavy)

Ghost Bruce HC

Ghost Jason HC

Mini prompts

Danny Phantom vs The IRS ; part 2

Phantom's mistaken identity

Billy and Danny are secret twins

Danny scars the batfam

Superheroes need more therapy

All-caste Jason

Poison Control

#masterpost #dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom #danny fenton #justice league #mine #batman #tucker foley #the JLA #teen titans #titans #vlad masters #vlad plasmius #sam manson #valerie gray #jazz fenton

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fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic · 2 months

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Good Omens Fic Rec: in the house we remain

Aziraphale buys a quiet cottage in the middle of the English countryside. It is perfect in every way: old-style, quaint, surrounded by wilderness, with a small water feature in the back and a price to rival that of any other property he's seen. He is in love from the moment he sees it. But when a mysterious set of books, all written by unknown author A.J. Crowley, appears on his book shelf, Aziraphale begins to wonder if there is perhaps more to this house than he'd originally believed. The truth can be buried, but it cannot stay hidden forever.

Length: 48,334 words

AO3 Rating: Mature / Spice Level 🔥

Best for: Mostly Safe in Public, At Home, Angst, Human AU

Triggers: Major Character Death

Read it here, fic by commodorecliche

*Minor Spoilers* It's almost frustrating that this story of Aziraphale falling in love with a ghost is one of the most gripping and beautiful stories I've read. It shouldn't work this well, it should be a crack idea. But this is such a powerful piece of fiction. It seamlessly blends romance with mystery and horror. Get your tissues, settle in, this one will haunt you.

Aziraphale has just moved to a cozy cottage in the countryside. If he's hearing things, feeling weird drafts, and noticing things out of place, well, that's just him settling in. Soon, there will be no denying the strange events, and it starts with a set of unpublished books written by an AJ Crowley. The previous, deceased, owner of the house.

This is heartbreaking. It's grief pools over everything. As Aziraphale learns more about the entity who haunts his cottage you will start to grieve as well. The way they begin to communicate was so thrilling and the softest romance. On one hand, we know they're soulmates and belong together despite any obstacle. On the other, it's a tragedy and horrifying. It's gorgeous and grotesque.

It's mostly safe in public, but an at home read for me. If you were destroyed by All of Us Strangers, I think you'll want to check this out. But mind the tags and warnings, there is graphic descriptions of death and major character death. Technically a happy ending? But that's a grey area in itself. I'd love to know how you guys feel about this ending actually

Read it here, fic by commodorecliche

P.S Spoilers under the cut because I want to scream about this story so come back once you've read this

I literally started crying when Aziraphale discovers what was tucked into the attic, the way Crowley was never appreciated as an author was so painful!! Crowley's death destroyed me!! The scene of the water splashing and Aziraphale trying to save him??? Only to come inside and see him?? THE ART???? This one has got me UNWELL.

But also what a horror! Aziraphale never experiencing a full life with Crowley, never knowing the physical touch of a person for what was it 40 years?? That's both romantic and devastating.

UGH I will never get over the scene of Aziraphale watching Adam discover his body. It made my blood run cold. And how Crowley had to watch over his decaying body as well. FUCK this one is so insanely good and how can I explain that to a normie? Hm? Yeah this human au of my blorbos falling in love even though one of them is a ghost literally had me crying screaming and throwing up and this is a normal thing for me

My views on the ending? I think I lean on the horror end of the scale. Yes they are together, but stuck watching over every new owner of the house, still never getting to experience a real life together

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mlmshark · 2 months

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Introduction to Mlmshark

Info:

Oliver, 17 yrs, trans male, gay/vincian

This is my account where I ramble about being gay and talk about my experiences as a queer man

And now because apparently I have to add this:

‼️PROSHIP AND RADQUEER DNI‼️ ‼️I AM A VICTIM OF PEDOPHILIA AND CSA I DO NOT WANT YOU HERE YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE‼️

This isn't an nsfw account, but it is 17+ so I can be more mature without worrying about younger followers like I have on my other accounts

Fanfic acc: @sharkboywrites (dead) art acc @sharkboyoli

I will give out my discord, but only to mutuals who ask

more info below, including boundaries please read before sending messages

This is an mlm blog

I use the labels I use/are comfortable with trans man, transmasc, gay, vincian, achillean, aroace, aromantic, greyromantic (more specific way of describing my romantic attraction) and asexual

I am autistic (maybe, I just got tested and am still waiting on results atm), and I have a horror and pokemon special interests (please talk to me about them plsplsplspls)

My pronouns are strictly he/him, but I'm not sure about neos, feel free to use them on me it doesn't bother me

Anyone can interact regardless of sexuality or ender identity, I prefer the people who are my mutuals to be 17+, but younger people can like my posts and ask me questions. I won't follow back anyone under 17.

The main point of this account is to have somewhere to talk about being gay and find more gay people to have a community with it.

For a long time and even sometimes to this day I've been shamed for my identity, so I want my own space to be an openly gay trans man with no hate and find other people in my community. I'm also still exploring myself and the world as a trans man, despite being out for six years, and this is my space to talk about it.

Boundaries

No proshippers, radqueers, zoophiles, etc.

No racism or ablesim, this is a space for all gay men/nblm regardless

My mutuals need to be 17 or older, I may be more mature at times, but not to the point of full nsfw

Do not send me nsfw asks unless they're questions about the queer experience ( for ex. asking about my experience, how to know, about my asexuality, and life as a gay/trans man are fine)

Don't send me/tag me in nsfw posts

Don't try to be homophobic or transphobic, I'll just block you

No shaming me or other people for liking men, even if you're also queer

Don't come onto my posts complaining about how you hate men

Don't try to compare my experiences with other queer people/try to make it the oppression Olympics

Don't complain to me about gay labels or flags

Don't try to invalidate anyone who interacts with this account that identifies as gay, even if you think they don't count (transmasc gay, tranfem gay, genderfluid gay, etc.)

Generally don't bring any discourse

You're free to vent in my asks if it's related to being gay or transgender, this account is for people to find community, just try not to make people uncomfortable

Don't call me the f or t slur unless you know I'm okay with it, even when I call myself it

As you can tell, this is mostly an nsfw neutral account, I'm okay with talking about it in the non- horny sense or now. this acc may be more open to it as time goes on (probably as I get older and experience more things), but for now: no <3

That's it, feel free to interact, i'd love to find some gay people in the community that I can ramble with and be a man kisser with :)

#gay #mlm #t4t mlm #mlm yearning #mlm thoughts #gay mlm #queer yearning #achillean #mlm t4t #nblm #mlm blog #trans mlm #trans man #transmasc #mlm love #t4t

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justagalwhowrites · 4 months

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Get To Know Me pt 1

Thank you for the tag, @sheepdogchick3 !

1. Were you named after anyone? My middle name is my paternal grandmother's name.

2. When was the last time you cried? I teared up a bit Tuesday night but fully sobbed was probably last Friday.

3. Do you have kids? No BUT I have a bonus kiddo in the form of my foreign exchange student!

4. What sports do you/have you played? Softball and figure skating when I was in school.

5. Do you use sarcasm? My therapist once said "I can't picture you being anything but witty and bitingly sarcastic at the slightest provocation" so take that for what you will.

6. First thing you notice about people? Generally their demeanor, I will tiptoe around people who seem mad and like they might direct that anger at me. Second, probably height lol

7. What's your eye color? Hazel

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, I am NOT a scary movie person! I just don't like being scared like that. I love roller coasters, I love suspense but I'm not big on horror.

9. Any talents? The closest thing I have to a talent is probably writing. I'm also a pretty decent cook and baker. I was a decent actor and director back in the day but now I mostly just use those skills to be a decent public speaker. I also did speech and debate all through high school and college (so if you were on the college forensics circuit in 2008-2011 we probably bumped into each other at least once.) That's about it, I don't have much going for me lol

10. Where were you born? Texas but I don't live there anymore! I love leaning on my Texas history when writing pre-or-no-outbreak TLOU fics though lol like hell yeah I'm going to include little Texas things in there like HEB and Shiner Bock and kolache and Dublin Dr. Pepper FIGHT ME (please don't I will lose)

11. What are your hobbies? This lol But I read a lot, play a lot of board games and D&D (if you want to geek out about these things please DM me I'm so serious), we go hiking and camping a fair bit. I also love film and am going to be starting my big Oscar movie binge probably this weekend.

12. Do you have any pets? One dog named Yondu! He's a lab/pit mix and he's my baby boy, I birthed him myself. He's also incredibly stupid but he's just the sweetest dog you will ever meet, I love him. He's currently wearing a sweater because he loves being warm and he's a snuggly thing.

13. How tall are you? 5'10" (I know, I'm a giant)

14. Favorite subject in high school? English, psychology, theater, journalism.

15. Dream job? Novelist and columnist who is sometimes a talking head so I can get paid to rant about my political opinions. I was a columnist for a few years in there with some syndication when I got picked up by wire services but that's the closest I've come!

NPT: @tightjeansjavi @diversemediums and anyone else who wants to do this! My brain is oddly fried atm and coming up with tags is overly difficult lol

#tag game #get to know me

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ntzsche9 · 10 months

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So, hi! I'm Verne (they/them), practically a queer elder in my 30s, brand new to tumblr (dunno how I ever missed the boat), and I only ever seem to write in the 20 minutes or so between pulling up to work and clocking in, or when I'm putting my toddlers down for a nap but don't want to crawl out of their beds and address the chores I gotta do while they're out of the way. I've written poetry, prose, and roleplayed in the past but got away from it for years and years, and only recently started writing again. I have notebooks and lists of story ideas but the few things I have fleshed out are mostly silly character-based "what if?" scenarios, because those are the most fun to me. Too many of my stories are me simply wanting to write a scene, developing a bit of a world around it, then losing interest entirely. I hope this blog can change that a bit, help me focus on following through or figuring out how to better develop small ideas into something longer.

Interests:

Post-apocalyptic

Near-future dystopias

Scifi/Fantasy (urban) with magical realism

History/AltHistory (especially lesser-known and marginalized stories)

Horror, dark, violent, and mature themes

Queer everything. I can't write heteros to save my life and I'm not all that sorry about it.

Sexy melodrama and smut with too much plot

Fanfiction (I could read/write Fallout stuff all day)

Some Favorite Authors:

Octavia Butler

Nnedi Okorafor

VE Schwab

Starhawk

Madeline Miller

Ta-nehisi Coates

Becky Chambers

Emma Donoghue

Looking for:

Community, inspiration, other writers to follow, and problem-solving tips in storytelling and sticking to stories when things get tough. I really just need some folks to talk to when working through all the things in my head. Open to the occasional tag but I'm not great at responding.

I have plenty more little bits of nonsense in various states of readability, like character backgrounds, alt-ending scenes, slice-of-life banter between characters, etc. These will be posted under the tag #ntzsche misc

Noteworthy WIPs:

Bad Blood - A Fallout Nuka-World fanfic (#ntzsche Nuka-World)

My longest story is a fanfic, but with a cast of characters largely not in the Fallout 4 DLC. I intend to eventually write this in a way that someone who hasn't played the game would be able to easily read.

Lafayette, the son of a 'retired' raider, left his abusive father to find his place in the world and was taken in by an eclectic trauma-bonded found family that inspires him to be a better person and shows him love he is certain he doesn't deserve. When his father comes across them in a raid, Lafayette is given the offer to join him, and he agrees in order to save the settlement and his little brother. Lafayette finds that being with his dad again, and being the son he always wanted him to be, isn't nearly as difficult as he thought it would be. He struggles to maintain the person he wants to be with the person he suspects he is, all while a cast of scheming raiders, wastelanders, and slaves vie for power in the raider city built within the rusted remains of an amusement park.

Salem's Child (#ntzsche Salem)

A background on one of the lesser Nuka-World characters that I got carried away with.

Andrew Rook doesn't look like his parents. He looks like someone they are desperate to forget. Growing up in post-apocalyptic Salem, Massachusetts has it's perks, though. In a fading settlement run by incompetent men who would rather blame the population of feral black cats for their problems than try to solve them, Andrew and his two best friends build a world in their imagination that shields them from the wretchedness of the wasteland and the people they have to rely on to survive.

Hechizo

Another character background that I would love to expand into a few short stories around.

Mateo Zavala was born in the vibrant and tight-knit community of Navarro. His great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother, a pre-war ghoul, is still the ruling matriarch, and it's hard for her not to play favorites when she has over 300 living descendants.

The Crash (#ntzsche Crash)

A what-if real-world rewrite of an event from another story. I just really enjoy writing these two.

Gabe always knew his functional alcoholic roomie would get into a terrible car wreck some day, but he never thought he would be dumb enough to be in the car with him. When the consequences of the wreck threaten to destroy Dave's life, Gabe finds himself doing everything he can to hold those pieces together. The love he harbors for his straight, polyamorous best friend runs deeper than either of them are ready to face, and find that Dave's injury turns their relationship completely on end.

#writeblr introduction #writeblr #writeblr intro #queer writers #lgbtq writer #ao3 #wip #creative writing #writing #new writeblr #ntzsche misc #ntzsche nuka-world #ntzsche Salem #ntzsche Crash

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aylacavebear · 28 days

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Retribution Chapter 4

Summary: You had DID for most of your life, over forty years, since you were two. It wasn't until after you were forty-three that you were finally able to heal it and become a singular. You're a hunter and have been with Dean for a very long time. Once you become singular, you have to face the horrors that your mental illness subjected on those you cared about, loved. Can you get past seeing yourself as worse than any monster you've ever hunted down?

Pairing is Dean Winchester x Reader/You

Warnings: Sexual Abuse (memories), Physical Abuse (memories), DID - Dissociation Identity Disorder (AKA MPD), Mental Health Issues, Alcoholism, Self-Deprecation, Thoughts of deserving to have it all done to "you".

Please, if you suffer from any mental illness, seek help. There are people out there who can help you get through it, no matter how alone you feel now or how hard it may seem.

A/N: This is going to be very dark, darker than anything I've written thus far. It will include many triggers - abuse both sexual and physical - in memories and what happens to the reader. I'm hoping it will have a happy ending but right now, I am not sure where this will go. This is your main warning before you begin reading. A/N: Dreams and Memories are indented in italics. Thoughts are in italics only.

Word Count: 3865

----------------------------------------- Chapter 4 - Rock Bottom

The nightmares were the same, your personalities molesting him nearly every night from the time you had moved in with him. It wasn’t bad on the nights when you had to sleep in the car with him and Sam, mostly since Sam was there. They didn’t want witnesses. Even on the nights when the three of you shared a motel room, it wasn’t bad, as Sam was always in the other bed in the same room.

It wasn’t until they found the bunker that things got really bad. You and Dean opted to share a room from the start, finally having some privacy. At first, things seemed normal. He’d brought up you getting handsy in your sleep before, even seductively moving against him to the point where he’d wake up rock hard from your movements. The first week was great. The second week, though, that’s when it started getting bad.

“What do you mean you woke up inside her?” Sam asked, almost feeling dirty having this bizarre conversation with his brother. “I don’t know. It was weird. I woke up and was halfway inside her, spooning her. Then, when I grabbed her hip to keep going, she elbowed me. I barely had time to block it,” Dean explained, completely confused. “Well, have you talked to her about it?” Sam asked as his mind raced with thoughts. “Not yet, no. I wasn’t sure what to say. She hasn’t done that before,” Dean sighed. “I can look more into that thing she said she had. What was it…” Sam trailed off, trying to remember. “The DID?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah. I can do some research on it. See what I can find out,” Sam offered. “That might help,” Dean replied, giving his brother a thankful smile. You’d been listening from the hallway where the rooms were. Neither of them knew you were there. Your mind raced, having no clue what to think about what you’d just heard. As far as you knew, you’d never physically hurt anyone before, let alone Dean, especially in your sleep. Then there was what he said about how it happened. You knew you were different in a lot of ways, having gaps in your memories, waking up in places you had no clue as to how you got there, and then there were other things like hangovers when you didn’t remember drinking the night before. Then, there were the “people” in your head that you talked to. They helped you do things, taking care of things you didn’t know how and you’d watch from within the mind. Now you were standing near the kitchen hallway, listening to another conversation the brothers were having in the kitchen. “You’re not gonna like this,” Sam sighed. “What?” Dean asked. “Well, DID is caused by severe trauma in childhood, before the kid turns eight. It’s usually sexual abuse by someone close to them. However, if the child has other issues like autism, ADHD, or something like that, even something as simple as harsh discipline can cause it,” Sam explained. Slowly, you brought your hand up, covering your gaping mouth at what Sam had said. That scared you, and your mind raced with questions. And then you saw it, the switch. The entire demeanor of your body changed, now standing straight, expressionless. You continued to listen, though, wanting to know what their next move was. “How can I help her, Sam?” Dean asked, and you could hear the sadness in his tone. “She needs professional help. This isn’t something you can help her get through. Plus, all her personalities have to want it, or it won’t work,” Sam continued explaining. “She’d never go for that. She hates doctors,” Dean sighed, “There has to be something online. Resources for someone who has DID and can’t see a doctor about it.” Sam sighed, “I’ll keep looking. Let’s just hope that she wants to get better. I just don’t know how long I can sit back and stay quiet, knowing what her personalities are doing to you at night. Then there’s how they are argumentative, deliberately making problems not only between you and her, but me and you and me and her.” “I just don’t want to lose her,” Dean said sadly. “Why would you lose her?” Sam asked, sounding puzzled. “The one I fell in love with, Sam. She’s in there. Sometimes, she comes out. I always know when it’s her, too. The others, they don’t let her out very often. So, I relish the time I do get to spend with her,” Dean explained, almost sounding as if he was lost in a memory. “One personality isn’t worth you getting abused like you are. No matter how much she means to you,” Sam tried to explain.

You woke up to the train horn, startled slightly since the train wasn’t moving very fast anymore. Peaking through a slit in the boxcar, you realized you were now at a train station, and it was nearly dawn.

Time to get a move on.

At the moment, you weren’t entirely sure what town you’d ended up in. Stuffing the mostly empty bottle of whiskey back in your bag, you jumped off the boxcar, not wanting to get caught having hitched a ride illegally. Ending up in a police station would have made it far to easy for the brothers to locate you, again.

Using the last bits of shadows of the fading darkness, you carefully made your way toward businesses and civilization. Chicago, Illinois.

Damn, need to get out of this city.

This wasn’t a safe city, and you knew it. Mostly because your personalities had been here before, when you had DID, and you didn’t need to have anyone recognize you. You couldn’t risk stealing a car either, knowing the brothers would be watching for that.

Guess that means I’m hitchhiking.

That wasn’t the safest either, but you didn’t have many options at the moment. You decided to head toward the lake and make your way further east. It seemed simpler than going along the main roads of the town.

As cars passed, you stuck out your thumb, but none of them stopped. You figured they were probably going to work and had no time for you, which only made your self-deprecating thoughts worse—that you really were worthless.

Your mind wandered as you continued walking. Any normal person would have gone to their family, their friends, and asked for help. You couldn’t, though. Right now, you felt like a monster. Thoughts of calling Cas or Crowley, both for different reasons, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do either at the moment.

When someone did stop, it was almost noon. At least it was a woman.

“Where you headed?” she asked you as you peeked your head in her passenger window.

“East. Doesn’t matter where. Just as far as you’re willing to take me,” you replied, giving her a friendly smile.

“Hop in. I’m heading a few hours down the road,” she replied with a soft smile.

“Thanks. I really appreciate this,” you replied, sliding into the passenger seat and keeping your bag in your lap.

You knew how you looked and were thankful the woman didn’t push you to talk about anything. The only other sound in the car was the music from her radio. You kept your view out the window for the duration of the drive. Then, you thanked her when she dropped you off at a gas station somewhere on the outskirts of a town.

Knowing you needed to eat something, you went and bought some jerky and a couple of those ready-made sandwiches most gas stations carried, along with a couple of bottles of water and another bottle of whiskey. Unfortunately you had to use one of your fake credit cards, as you’d run out of cash and hadn’t wanted to hustle pool to make more. Bars were the last thing you wanted to go into.

You nibbled on the jerky as you continued down the road, thumb out every time a vehicle passed by, even if it was few and far between. The day wore on, and soon, the sun began to set. You would have found the display of colors beautiful were you not in the mental state you were in. Just after dark, a pickup truck pulled over.

“Where you headed, little lady?” the man asked you.

If you’d been in your right frame of mind, you would have just kept walking. “East, as far as you’ll take me,” you replied, looking in through the passenger window.

“Hop in,” he said, giving you a smile.

“Thanks,” you told him, sliding into the passenger seat.

The inside of the truck was fairly clean, much to your surprise. The man looked to be in his late thirties or early forties, slightly scruffy, and with shoulder-length dark brown hair. You had no idea what you’d gotten yourself into by getting into his truck.

“What are you running from?” the man asked you as he began driving again.

“My past,” you answered, looking out the window.

“I could help you with that,” he said calmly, half watching you and half watching the road.

“I don’t need help. I just need to stay away from people,” you told him plainly.

“Why do you say that?” he asked, now curious.

You sighed. This wasn’t what you wanted to talk about, but since you hadn’t had anyone to talk about it, it all came flooding out. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you told this stranger every detail of your past that you had remembered thus far, although you left out the brothers' names.

“I’m a monster. I don’t deserve to live,” you sobbed out at the end, now mostly curled into a ball.

“You want to die?” he asked you, prying for more information.

After getting your tears to stop and taking several slow, deep breaths, “Yes and no. I mostly want to give him retribution for what happened. I just don’t know how to go about subjecting myself to that kind of abuse for the same length of time,” you answered, fairly quietly.

The man smirked, and you only caught it out of the corner of your eye as he turned to look at you, “I might know someone who could help you with that,” he replied, his eyes going black.

Your heart began pounding in your chest as the air caught in your lungs, barely able to breathe. He was a demon, and you had nothing on you to defend against him. All that stuff was back in the trunk of your car.

He laughed, “I’m not gonna hurt you. My boss, he’s been looking for you for a few days now,” he began explaining as his gaze went back to the road. “He sent over a dozen of us out looking for you.”

Terror gripped you, and all you could do was stare at him. You had no idea how you were going to get yourself out of this little mess, even with the memories of being a hunter from the personalities who had done that. Demons only had one boss, and you knew that, Crowley. Then, curiosity got the better of you.

“Why is Crowley looking for me?” you asked, your voice shaking.

The demon grinned, sending a chill down your body, “The Winchesters are looking for you. So, Crowley wants you.”

He’d said it so plainly as if it was a common occurrence. You took several slow, deep breaths and turned back to look out the window, slowly getting comfortable again. There was no point in attempting to run, not now.

Perhaps this is for the best. I can get my questions answered now.

Your phone vibrated again in your pocket. With a silent sigh, you pulled it out. It was Sam, again. The demon glanced at you as you turned off your phone and slid it back into your pocket, which made him smile.

Nearly twelve hours later, the demon was pulling up to an old, abandoned asylum. You stared at it as the demon got out, and to your surprise, he opened the passenger door for you.

“Uh, thanks?” you told him, fairly confused. Demons normally didn’t have manners, nor were they nice.

“This way,” he said, so you followed.

As the demon guided you toward Needham Asylum, Crowley’s base of operations on Earth, an ominous feeling washed over you. It was a three-story building made of stone and brick, tattered due to weathering and abandoned prior to Crowley making it his. Broken stones littered the sides of the long set of stairs leading to the porch, where a heavy door stood.

The demon opened the door, letting you enter ahead of him. He then guided you down a hallway to your right. The demons the two of you passed only stared, staying quiet. You’d fought lots of demons when you had DID, even exorcised them out of their host body and back to hell. This though, being at Crowley’s base of operations, demons all around the place, was fairly intimidating, especially with nothing to defend yourself.

This place reminded you more of an old castle and dungeon than an asylum. He stopped in front of hardwood-arched double doors that came together at a point where the two met at the top. A demon guard was on either side of the doorway, both staring at you and the demon who pushed the doors open.

Inside, it opened up into a large throne room, more medieval-style torches adorned the columns that went from the floor to the ceiling, leading into more archways, casting dim light around the rather large room. There were several demons around the room, doing various tasks, but they all stopped to stare at the two of you as you followed the demon, who approached the throne.

There he sat, Crowley, the King of Hell himself, upon a dark wooden throne on a platform that took two steps to reach. He seemed bored until his gaze found you behind the demon. He was dressed in his typical black suit. Always the businessman.

Before the demon could speak, though, Crowley spoke, “Wel, well, well. What do we have here?” His voice echoed through the chamber, sending a chill down your spine. He seemed amused at your presence. “I must say, I didn’t expect to see you gracing my humble abode so willingly.” His Scottish accent always made your skin crawl.

You swallowed hard, trying not to lose your nerve now. The demon that had led you there bowed his head before stepping to the side, leaving you alone in the center of the room. Everything you’d thought about, contemplated and debated left your mind.

“Something's different about you,” Crowley speculated before he stood and moved closer to you. When you took a couple of small steps back and away from him, he chuckled. “Now, love, aren’t getting cold feet, are you?”

Crowley walked around you, almost like he was studying you. It took everything in you to keep your eyes on him, “The demon said… you were looking for me. Why?” you asked, but your voice was far more timid than you wanted it to be.

“Well, isn’t this an interesting development?” he mused, raising an eyebrow as he moved to stand in front of you. “They’re all gone now, aren’t they? And you’re what’s left.”

You flinched at his words, “You knew?” there was far more confidence in your tone than you felt at the moment.

“I make it my business to know things. You still didn’t answer me, earlier,” he pushed.

Your heart was pounding, and it was hard to breathe, let alone look at Crowley for very long. “I’m a monster,” you mumbled, now looking at the floor, “I-I can’t face them. I can’t face…” You tried to say his name, but your voice broke as you felt the tears burn your eyes.

If you’d been looking at Crowley, you would have seen his amusement but also caution. He knew just how persistent the Winchesters could be when they wanted something.

“They- he deserves retribution for what I’ve done to him. The same should be done to me… for the same amount of time…” you mumbled out, slowly looking up at Crowley.

You couldn’t read him. All you could tell was that he was thinking. Then, he spoke, “For now, you’ll stay in a cell.”

With those words, one demon took your bag, then your phone from your pocket, while two others escorted you out of the throne room, down a few different hallways, and pushed you into an empty cell. You didn’t fight them, and you didn’t turn around when you heard the cell door lock.

This was a brilliant idea. Now I don’t even have my whiskey.

You sighed and sat down on the very uncomfortable surface meant to be a bed, taking in your surroundings. The place stank of blood, death, and bodily excrements. Not to mention the sulfur due to all the demons around.

The cell also wasn’t very well lit, as the torches were in the hallway, casting more shadow than anything inside. Lying down on the makeshift bed, you stared at the ceiling, what of it you could see anyway.

I’ve hurt him so much, even if I’m not them. It’s still the same face, the same body. All he’ll ever see is them. I’d never do those things to him, but that doesn’t matter.

Your mind wandered, which wasn’t a good thing, especially sober.

You were in your shared room again, and you could tell that it was the personality that loved him who was in control of the body. You watched as she roused from sleep, far earlier than normal. She looked over at his sleeping form, giving him a soft smile as you felt the tears begin to slide down your cheeks. She moved closer, gently dancing her fingertips along his chest as she leaned on her elbow, lying next to his naked body, only love in her eyes. It was when she reached for his face that he flinched away from her, quickly covering his face with his arms. She shied away from him, curling up in a ball with her knees tucked close to her chest, and sobbed silently. This had happened numerous times since the three of you had moved into the bunker. He’d also jumped in his sleep when she’d gone to wake him up before, attempting to get away from her before she could physically assault him. It always happened with her, the personality that loved him, and it broke her heart, and now yours as you watched silently.

Something pulled you from your thought or nightmare, you weren’t quite sure which. It was possible you had dozed off, but still, you weren’t sure. You turned your head a bit to look out through the bars of the front of the cell.

Wonder what that sound was…

When no one came by, you just sighed and returned your gaze to the ceiling. Since you were still on Earth and not in Hell, time passed normally. You thought back, to when Dean had gone to Hell. One month was equivalent to ten years. Your mind then wandered to the work you’d done on yourself and the DID.

It had been hard and tedious, but you could only work on it when other personalities wouldn’t interfere, and you could be alone, away from the brothers. The beginning timeframe felt like you’d done nothing more than gone in circles.

“How come you’re up so late?” Sam asked you a year after you’d begun research and attempting to heal your illness, causing you to jump and slam the laptop shut. “Couldn’t sleep,” you mumbled, not looking up at him. You watched from across the room, and it was clear to you that Sam didn’t believe the excuse you’d given him at the time. “Want some company?” he asked, although you could tell he didn’t really mean it. “No. I think I’m gonna try to go get some sleep,” you mumbled again, grabbing the laptop before getting up. As you watched the interaction in the memory, it was clear that Sam wanted to say so much more to you, but he was holding his tongue. You sighed, knowing it was because of his brother that he was staying quiet and keeping his thoughts to himself. You followed yourself in the memory, to an empty room. The door closed, and you were sitting on the bed, laptop open, reading whatever was on the screen about healing your illness. You could also see tears in your eyes from the glow of the screen. The memory changed, and you were now in one of the archive rooms that the brothers never went into. You saw yourself sitting in a corner with the laptop again. Squinting your eyes, you realize this memory was from only a year ago when the mergers began happening. This time though, it was Dean who walked in on you. “Hey, why are you hiding in here?” he asked you softly, taking care not to approach you too quickly, having no clue which personality was present at the moment. You closed the laptop but didn’t look up at him, “I just wanted quiet.” You almost didn’t notice how your tone had no feeling in it as you watched things play out before you. Their memories were always in third person. “You’ve been hiding a lot these days. Wanna talk about it?” he asked you, still a good five feet away from you. “Not really. I wouldn’t know what to even say,” you answered, now looking up at him. Watching, you saw it, the change in you. It was in your eyes, and at least to you, it was apparent that things were different with you. “I’ve been with you through so much. I know I’m not the best when it comes to emotions, but I’m here to lean on. I wish you’d let me help you,” he sighed. “You can’t help me with this,” you sighed, looking away from him. He said nothing and just left you alone. Tears flowed down your cheeks as you opened the laptop again, going back to what you’d been working on. Watching everything made you shed silent tears. You remembered this moment, and on that laptop was the document where you’d been communicating with your other personalities, attempting to get them all on the same page.

“Hey, Crowley wants to see you,” a male demon said from the other side of the bars, pulling you from the memory, or nightmare, you weren’t sure.

“Fine,” you mumbled, slowly standing up and approaching the cell door, but the demon didn’t open it, he just smirked.

“Oh, you’re not getting out. He’s coming down here to see you,” the demon said in a low, pleased tone.

You just rolled your eyes and sat back down on the makeshift bed, keeping your mouth shut. That was when the angel appeared in your cell, grabbed your shoulder, and the two of you disappeared.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 5 - Guardian Angel

Retribution Master List

Tag List: @jc-winchester @nancymcl

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pomefioredove · 4 days

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Heyyyy if you are still open to some more matchups can I request a romantic one? You can pick anyone Students, Staff, or RSA/Noble Bell college people, i don't care either way. I really just want to know who you think fits me personality-wise best lol.

Ok, so I guess I’ll tell you my appearance first, I’m 169cm so like 5’6, I’ve got very very curly reddish brown hair, and blue eyes that look purple to gray depending on the light. I have a lot of tattoos. Started with a stick and poke piece when I was 13 and have kept getting them even years later. I joke that instead of a sleeve I have a pair of pants, both my legs are covered in tattoos, one side black and the other color. People always tell me I'm incredibly easy to spot in a crowd. Pronouns are She/Her and my voice is kind of low and monotone maybe a bit husky.

As for hobbies... I love Boxing and MMA, I’ve been doing it competitively for a few years so I can comfortably say I can kick most people's ass. food is a bit of a love language for me so I cook pretty often and try a lot of different cuisines (current fav is Georgian, you have to try Khachapuri it's soooo good). I used to sing and play the drums though it's been a while so I'm probably not too great anymore. You know how some people listen to music for the lyrics while other people listen for the beat? I definitely listen more for the sound, I don't care what the song is about just how the sounds flow together... which is why I mostly listen to music in foreign languages, don't need to understand to lyrics to enjoy the beat.

My interests are mostly low key I like to study languages but I don't really try to become fluent just conversational i guess. I'm more inclined to learn about the aspects of a language than the grammar and stuff. Reading horror and what I like to call weird fiction. I love finding books that are a little odd the best example of this that I can think of is "House of Leaves" by Mark Z. Danielewsk. I really like weird things, normal things that have been a little twisted and made up in new ways if you get what I mean.

As for my personality... ugh I think I'm probably an acquired taste... it sounds bad but like I'm a really difficult person to get close to. I just don't trust easily and I'm not someone who entertains too much small talk without reason. An example is the fact I've known people for five+ years and still don't really consider them friends. Sure we hang out but like they don't know me and I don't know them. I'm just kind of prickly, with a major resting bitch face too. Though to make up for this I'm incredibly loyal. Once we've actually become friends there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. If they need help hiding a body I'm not gonna ask questions just gonna bring a shovel, take out for two, and tickets out of the country.

Oh and a current project of mine is to reverse-engineer a printer so that i can stick it to shitty corporations who think its reasonable to make you pay a subscription to use a printer that I ALREADY PAID FOR!! That last bit was mostly because i need to print out an essay of mine and I had to dust of the printer i haven't used in forever only to be met with a error message saying i had to pay my subscription to use the thing ugghh. So now i need to actually learn how to a soldering gun.

Sorry if my ramblings don't make much sense, I really don't think about myself too much so trying to describe myself was like insanely hard. Thank you!!!!!!!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

I match you with 𝐑𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐡𝐢

The First Impression:

Okay. His honest, true, first thought? You smell good. You smell like spices and warmth, so much so that he forgets what he's doing to turn in your direction.

Why He Fell:

"Prickly" and "hard to get close to" aren't terms in Ruggie's dictionary. He would crawl into a sewer if he thought he'd get something worthwhile out of it, and, hey- to him, you're pretty worthwhile!

He may or may not trail behind you like a lost puppy for a little while, at least until you take pity on him and give the poor thing a good meal. But, like with most stray animals, feeding him only brings him back.

Over time (and a few meals), Ruggie starts to bond with you on a more personal level. He'll ask about each of your tattoos, let you ramble to him about whatever it is you're working on, and take little notes on how sharp and crafty you are in the meantime.

The Relationship:

Ruggie has absolutely no shame. Will gladly eat every single thing you make him without even asking what it is, all while dousing you with compliments about it. If making people food is your love language, then eating food is his.

You're just really nice to have around, right? And hey, your beat-em-up skills definitely don't hurt! He's a scrawny guy, he can appreciate standing behind some muscle. He also finds the way you understand sound, in both music and language, to be fascinating, especially considering how sensitive most beastmen's ears are. He can relate to how you describe it.

He's never one to judge, either, so take your time getting comfortable around him! He'd never admit it, but he's pretty much the same way- it takes a lot to actually get his walls down. You can do it together, huh?

#*ੈ✩‧₊˚matchups!#long post

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inimitablereel · 5 months

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2023 Fic+Vid recs

A variety of things I liked this year, made this year. Once again, this got long, so fic recs and fandom-specific recs for dmbj are below the cut. But first a few miscellaneous vids

[vid] Cockroach Motherfuckers by eruthros, thingswithwings multifandom Immortal queer characters multi-vid! This is exactly as much fun and hopeful as it sounds. I've seen maybe 2 of the sources so you know, you don't have to have seen them all.

(We) Didn't Just Come Here to Dance [Fanvid] by FairestCat fandom: Newsies I haven't actually seen newsies, but I really liked this vid. Taking the (very dramatic) musical theater dancing and putting it to a Carly Rae Jepsen song works SUPER well, visually very fun time. Also, unions!

[Vid] Oceanographer's Choice by absternr fandom: Heroes (cdrama 2022) Bai Choufei, Su Mengzhen, and Lei Chun's fucked up relationship(s)/falling apart bad times. This vid is deeply upsetting, just a real exploration of sometimes caring a lot about each other makes everything worse. For maximum sad times, this goes well with absternr's other heroes vid, hey, I just met you, which is the meet-cutes that led to this whole mess.

[AMV] The Draw by Lovely Goblin fandom: Revolutionary Girl Utena Black Rose Arc! I've watched this vid so many times really good weird and creepy black rose arc vibes really good parallels between all the different duelists

Also blanket rec that if you've seen Everything Everywhere All at Once, consider looking for vids for it. There's a bunch on ao3 (which can be easier to navigate than youtube, though there are definitely more total vids on youtube) and they're pretty much all spectacular? I was going to include one or two in this rec post and couldn't decide

The wild phonemes of 40 Eridani Keid by astronicht Fandom: Star Trek (aos/tos mashup canon) relationship: Spirk ~10k words rated E You know if you'd told me a year ago I'd be reccing a spirk fic in 2023 I would have been a bit surprised. This is not particularly my fandom wheelhouse. But you know, they're always good, and this fic is really great. This is almost an episode-fic except that nothing really happens plot-wise. But instead of a plot we get a lot of musing about geology and diplomacy and clever references to current events as history in that very trek kind of way and Spock being bitchy just for fun.

fuori dal mondo by bladedweaponsandswishycoats fandom: Qi Ye relationship: Beiyuan/Wu Xi, Beiyuan/Zhou Zishu (more plot than ship focused) ~60k words rated E This is a retelling of Qi Ye except Beiyuan is... some kind of eldritch horror, part-time. It pretty much goes beat for beat through canon (which I appreciate, I loved that book and do not like any of the current tls enough to reread) but with the added layer of whatever is going on with this eldritch thing, which is very cool and tied into canon so don't let me spoil it for you.

We're Leaving Our Shadows Behind Us by lady_ragnell fandom: Tortall - Protector of the Small relationship: Kel/Neal/Yuki ~70k words rated T Canon retelling of Squire and Lady Knight but from Neal's POV. This fic really digs into Neal as a character and the details of the worldbuilding of Tortall, especially the chamber of the ordeal. Also somewhere along the way it sold me on this ship, which I wasn't exactly rooting for when I read the books the first time.

The Untamed/MDZS

a harmony between qin and se by Alaceron relationship: Wangxian ~60k words rated E This is a gender-bent (to make it a het romance) no magic historical drama au where Wei Wuxian is a woman who's arranged to marry Lan Wangji. Honestly this is pretty far from the untamed, especially in terms of themes, though some plot elements will be familiar, but mostly it's just a really great compellingly written historical drama, that happens to have main characters with some familiar characteristics.

Like a Game of Chess by countingcr0ws relationship: Wangxian ~40k words rated T Modern au: influencer Wei Wuxian runs into Lan Wangji on a trip to Taiwan and they travel around together. I love all the little details of their trip - it's like getting to see a new place without going anywhere. Also sometimes I forget that wangxian are very cute? They're a good ship brant

The Epic Highs and Lows of High School Zine Production by el_em_en_oh_pee relationship: Jin Ling & Jiang Cheng, Jin Ling & the mdzs juniors ~7k words rated G Modern au: High schooler Jin Ling has big feelings about a lot of things, including zines, gender, and family. One of those juniors-centric fics that makes me say oh they are Teens huh.

DMBJ

A Little Hole in the Wall by MountainRose gen, Liu Sang centric ~8k words rated G Honestly I would rec this fic even to people who know nothing about tomb shows. One thing that really draws me to a book is descriptions of food (I have read multiple food memoirs this year), and this restaurant au has AMAZING food (and food prep) in it. Not too plotty, mostly just descriptions of delicious things and characterization via cooking.

green with an attitude by ilgaksu relationship: heihua ~8k words rated T If you are in the English language dmbj fandom and you care at all about heihua you probably have already checked out ilgaksu's fic, which has basically defined heihua for the English language fandom. My favorite heihua moments are when other people show up and give you that foil to realize how weird they are, and this fic has that both via Xiuxiu and Wu Xie. Also, a fic about dancing!

making anything last, keeping anything safe by A (mumblemutter) relationship: Wu Xie/Xiao Bai (background pingxie) ~8k words rated M Post canon Xiao Bai takes Wu Xie to explore a tomb that should be perfectly safe... (They set off a sex pollen trap.) I don't particularly ship this, but this fic was extremely well done and kind of sold me on the ship. Fun tomb, really fun characterization for everyone involved.

A World Made Over, Fresh and New by Thimblerig gen, iron triangle, Wu Xie & Li Cu ~1k words rated G If you've ever gotten specific dmbj fic recs from me, it's probably included something by Thimblerig, they're amazing at pulling in very specific canon snippets in under 5k words and I'd generally recommend going through their work by tags if you're looking for fic with underloved side characters or fic set during a part of canon that isn't UN or post-canon, which are generally easier to find. That said, this particular fic is in fact the fandom staple of post-reboot let's go look at a tomb and pulling in a big ensemble cast including some reboot folks. But it's a staple because it's a good vibe, and this is a really well done sliver of friendship and relationship building and perhaps even a tomb trap?

[Vid] Still Into You by absternr iron triangle ot3 This vid is a bop! Multi-tomb show iron triangle being in love, through the years! I've got this bookmark tagged as "joyful"

[vid] When He Died by teyla Wu Sanxing-centric This vid really leans into the weird tomb nonsense and conspiracies and builds to something quite odd, meant in the best possible way. A concentrated version of what tomb shows want to be at their best, from a horror/strange spooky things perspective. Mind the tags.

[Vid] Before I Do by absternr Xiuxiu character study A vid all about Xiuxiu being a badass - she's so clever and cunning and she will figure out and surpass her family history.

#reclist #last year's version of this I had a nif section and I was a little surprised I didn't have ANY this year #but the nif exchange is a little later this year and also tbh I have more or less just reread nif fics so my rec would be...#reread that ruthless love (or check it out if you haven't already)#once again if you have been thinking about making a rec post please do I would like to have recs #tumblr really wanted this to be formatted with big font hopefully I caught all of it :/

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belethlegwen · 26 days

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Yo!

What is a topic or theme you try to avoid in gt, either in your writing, your reading, or your perusing?

This is a solid question, especially because over the last year or so I've been finding myself exploring more topics/themes that I would have probably previously said I was not comfortable with. I'd like to genuinely thank @adjacentperception for being my partner in everything, including writing and creating, and for letting me have a sounding board and a space to feel safe while I dip my toes into some things I wouldn't have otherwise wanted to endeavour into on my own.

I guess in terms of like... things that disinterest me? If that makes sense? I'm not big on trying to explore family dynamics specifically through G/t. Sibling or Parent/Child relationships with size-difference mixed in just is something I tend to avoid while reading, and through writing I only ever explore it in the sense of like... 'this person is a good friend and is like a brother/sister to me', 'this person cares for me in a parental way sometimes'. Beyond that it's not something that catches my interest or tends to hold it for very long.

Anything that is too whump-heavy I tend to have a harder time reading, mostly because I just need comfort to go with my hurt. One of the projects I've got going on in the background now front-loads a bunch of the hurt before it starts getting to comfort, and I feel like-- especially the earlier chapters-- would qualify as whump. It's something that I could imagine myself having difficulty with reading on my own if I didn't know that it was going to pay off in comfort and (imo) satisfactory character growth for the mains, if only because I've been burned before on trying to struggle through something that was just... fucking miserable and it never got to a point where things got better/that comfort I desperately wanted came along.

Dislike vore/cannibalism to the extreme, anything remotely like that just squicks me out. A bit of mouthplay is fine in the sexy sense? Lips, tongue, maybe a bit of teeth? But there's a line that once it gets crossed I have to go detox with something after. I also can't do snuff at all. Just... too much. I'm not a gore/horror girl. It is not my cup of tea.

A topic I'll avoid depicting in any detail, and that I just get too depressed reading to really dive into very much, is long-term emotional/relationship-centered abuse, from either side. Particularly if a lesson is not learned by the offending/abusive party in a way that's satisfactory.

I'll dive into something like James Bond getting captured and tortured/interrogated by a villain for a hot minute, but a partner abusing a lover? Family being egregiously emotionally/psychologically abusive or neglectful for extended periods of time in the narrative? Someone in a care-taker position abusing a dependent? Too sad/enraging, won't do it, and especially as it pertains to G/t as an amplifier of that possible theming? Ow, no, my feelings. Faerie Spell comes the closest to that for me and that's still a stretch of what I'm actually comfortable with, as the neglect/abuse/disrespect is coming unintentionally and oftentimes against what the presumed goals of the characters perpetrating it actually are. It is still a dark place for my mind to go.

Other than that, I can't think of much that I would say is a definite no-go for me? How something is written/handled within a narrative can be a big factor in whether or not I stick with reading something, typically, and I'm willing to stretch my comfort a bit in some areas if the rest of the story is making up for any discomfort/loss of interest I wind up feeling because of any given element.

Thank you so much for the ask!

#asks and answers #g/t #giant/tiny #giant tiny #g/t writing #g/t author #gtauthor #author thoughts #gt #big little thoughts

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lady-of-the-spirit · 6 days

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Answer the questions and tag five fanfiction authors you know!

tagged by the lovely @goldheartedchaoticdisaster

How did you get into writing fanfiction?

when I was a little kid I was daydreaming/writing little stories for the things I liked back then. Then I started reading the Harry Potter series and somehow? ended up finding out about fanfiction through that. I don't know how that happened, but either way, I was like !!! THIS IS A THING OTHER PEOPLE DO??? and it went on from there.

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

Only counting published fics rn because I can't go through my drafts to give an accurate answer. 25.

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

If we're only going by PUBLISHED fics, 12 years. Otherwise, the answer is either 17 or 13 years.

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Definitely read more. It's easier to read than to write.

5. What is one way you've improved as a writer?

I think I've gotten better with dialogue! no two people talk exactly the same and I've started really liking how to get into their speech patterns. and that impacts how their inner dialogue works too.

6. What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

hm. I don't think it's weird exactly but I got very thorough in my research in Romanian history for writing Joan. I also did reading on grief and losing children which is not exactly a normal topic for a single childless person to be reading about.

7. What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

definitely any "I reread this so many times" type of comment! like!!! they liked it enough to come back!!!

8. What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I mean I write/am going to write fics about hallmark movies and tv series so.

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Probably romance. Like explicit romance anyway - I can definitely handle flirting, or writing friendships in a way that can make people go "are they just friends???" But then we get to actual romance and it's suddenly much harder even though there doesn't have to be any difference?? idk

10. What is the easiest type?

hurt/comfort, definitely. or fluff. either of those are so easy.

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I use google drive mostly, plus the occasional notes app fic, and I used word doc when I still had my school account. Tempted to subscibe just because I'm annoyed at it. I published all of my fics on ao3. I also write a few there as well, much to everyone's horror.

I was a fanfiction.net girl in the beginning! I still update Ethereal on there but overall have let it go, though I still have a Avatar fic there I want to keep working on... despite clearly not making any progress on that since finishing the first in a trilogy several years ago now. I also have Ethereal on wattpad as well and I'd say that's the fics "main" platform despite being on both ao3 and ffn.

12. What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

very long, intense/dramatic fics. I'm a oneshot girl. I struggle with longer fics. and when those longer fics are intense I get nervous.

13. What made you choose your username?

the year was 2012, I finally decided to make a fanfiction.net account, and knew nothing except I wanted my username to be Lady of Something. but most of the cooler things I thought of were taken, until I landed on Spirit and that simply stuck.

tagging @dani-luminae @strangelock221b @sighonaraa @vinatintasupernovita @altschmerzes @flowerflamestars @apinchofm and anyone who sees this and wants to try!!!!

#tag game

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vampsquerade · 1 year

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Hallooo! I've made sure to read the rules and bio before requesting :')

Can I please request an xreader/oneshot (can be an hc if you want ^^) for Jäger? Maybe his s/o (can be gender neutral or what you write the most) got infected however still conscious and doesn't really attack him despite being an infected,, love this man alot,, I hope this is ok, feel free to deny this request if i've crossed anything against the rules ^^

thank you so much for requesting anon! it means a lot to see you made sure to read my rules before requesting because that shows me people are considerate of things i’d write for c,: i hope you like this Jäger fic! it’s mostly angsty but he ends up getting a bit of a happy ending

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jäger x GN!Reader: Human After All

Trigger Warnings: angst with a good ending, body horror, near death experience, slight body takeover, Archæan infected reader, shapeshifting, implication of PTSD (Jäger)

The outbreak started so suddenly all those years ago. With the crash of an old spacecraft infested with whatever alien parasite that was in it, you and two other CBRN operators joined Rainbow to figure out what’s going on in the first place and how to get rid of it. Once that mission was complete, you continued to work with Rainbow throughout the years until suddenly—the parasite resurfaced. Your previous studies and research came to use for the ones you knew how to deal with but there was something different about them. Several new Archæan have come into existence and are able to resist the previous cure made by you and several other professionals.

It had gotten so bad in the beginning, that even you got infected.

You had no clue how you were even conscious, as the parasite’s way of infection was through host control. It horrified you, to see the spikes that replaced the very limbs you once called arms and legs. Your entire body was seemingly covered in what was a type of goopy and disgusting slime. Looking at yourself in the broken glass once you had first been infected made you want to cry, as the moment your fellow operators saw you—they’d surely kill you. You feared most if it was Marius, your boyfriend of 7 years, that came to be the one to stumble upon your new and grotesque form. What would he do if he saw you? Would he scream? Would he be so disgusted that he just flat out killed you? Or would he try to save you?

Whatever it was, you were terrified of the reaction.

Days turned to weeks where you figured you weren’t even being looked for and you hoped it would remain that way. But sometimes, it doesn’t work out the way you want—after at least one year of the second outbreak, you were finally found by your fellow operators. Instead of the usual 5 like your previous missions, only 3 of them showed up. And from the way their new and improved uniforms looked, you figured they were better prepared than you were when it started. “It seems like the irregular reading is in the room across from us. Let’s proceed carefully.” a familiar voice said. Julien was the one that was speaking, and you watched the other two nod and turn to where you had been hiding.

“There it is…move carefully and quietly, we don’t want it to alert the others downstairs…” another one said softly. Shuhrat’s voice, one you barely heard when you worked together but could identify easily. The third of the trio didn’t speak as they began to slowly and carefully inch towards the room you were in. Afraid of being taken out, you begin to back away until you hit the wall behind you. They carefully enter the room, weapons drawn and aimed right at you. You make a small click of fear, putting your arms in front of yourself as a method of defense.

“Is that you…Y/N…?” the third finally says softly.

And just as you were hoping to avoid, Marius had come on the team of operators sent to scout the area for a strange Archæan. “Mar…i…us…” you croak hoarsely, lowering your arms to properly look at him. He slowly places his carbine on the floor and raises his arms, coming closer to you. “Marius, don’t get too close. We don’t know if they’ll attack or not.” Julien warns. Marius doesn’t care however, walking closer to get a better look at your face. Despite many of the new Archæan looking completely different than the ones that were previously here, you were the only one that managed to keep your face. You didn’t even know if other humans had been infected like you, as Archæans seemingly came from their reinforced nests.

“How…” Marius whispered as he reached out to touch your face. You flinch a bit, only to relax slightly once his hand comes into contact with your cheek. “Stop touching their face. You already know what we’re here for.” Shuhrat says coldly. You have to look hard just to see Marius’ eyes, and you could see the pain within. “Right…” he says softly. Marius then takes something out to take a small vial of your blood, and you keep yourself still. He hands it over to Julien once he’s finished, and then Julien nods once he processes it.

“Tier Three Archæan: Tormentor. Can shape-shift to the organic growth, Sprawl, to ensure a fluid-like speed. Uses small homing projectiles in rapid succession or a larger and slower projectile to attack. The weak point of a Tormentor is its head.” he explains, turning to look at and giving you a cold, hostile glare. “Stop looking at Y/N that way. They haven’t even resisted or alerted any of the others. If they’re truly going to be of use to getting rid of the Archæans, it’s better to bring them back to us.” Marius says in defense of you, crossing his arms. “And for how long will they be unresponsive to our presence, hm?” Julien says.

Marius falters slightly, only to remain firm in his belief of you being harmless, “They’ve been missing for a year and don’t seem to have moved from this floor of the building. There was no other Archæan up here but Y/N—it’s safe for us to bring them back to base.” he says. “They risk infecting the entire facility if we bring them back.” Shuhrat says curtly. “So then we keep them in a completely quarantined part of the facility. That containment room is finished, right? We can just leave Y/N in there until we figure out the best way to get rid of these new variants of the Chimera bacteria.” Marius says sternly. “Marius, even if that was possible, who would be the one overseeing them? Who would make sure nobody gets infected?” Julien asks.

Marius falters once again and shakes his head, “We have tons of doctors working with us. Only one will be closest to the and will gather samples the further along they go with their research.” he says. “Tsk…we’re going to have to ask Eliza and Elena if this is a good idea…” Julien says softly. He then exits the room to report to Eliza about this new proposition and after a few minutes, he then re-enters the room. “Let's hurry to the extraction zone, we have to go now before the other Archæans get any ideas somehow.” Julien says.

“Danke…I’m grateful you considered my words. Come on Y/N, let’s go…” Marius says, turning to look at you. “No…danger…” you say softly. “We’ll be okay, please…” he pleads. You shake your head, carefully extending your arms and pushing him away. “Hey. Don’t push him.” Shuhrat says, raising his LMG and aiming it at you. “Leave…please…” you say. “I’m not leaving without you. I spent so long searching for my lost love—just come with us and we’ll help.” Marius says, turning back to look at you. “Make a decision now, Y/N. Either you come with us or you stay behind and die.” Julien says.

Frozen in place upon hearing his words, you think for a moment before finally deciding to go with them. You carefully lead them towards the safest path towards their extraction zone, only to have a few isolated Grunts become alerted. “Shit! Run to cover!” Julien exclaims. The Grunts come towards you all quickly, and you quickly become defensive of the trio as they make their way to some cover. Shape-shifting into Sprawl, you make your way towards the Grunts and attack them in order to protect your former colleagues. Though primarily under the impression that you were going to aid them in attacking Marius and the others, they didn’t think much once you came right towards them. You let out a screech to establish your dominance.

Firing your projectiles right at them, you make critical hits on them to ensure their deaths. One of them still seems to be alive however, and this enraged you. “Protect…Marius..!” you exclaim. Rushing the straggler, you use the sharp point of your arm and drive it right into the Grunt’s face to effectively finish it off. Breathing heavily, you wait to see if any other Archæans will make its way to the 4 of you. You’re lucky, as you detect no others coming up the stairs. Turning to look at the trio, you then go back into Sprawl form and reappear with them. “How are you able to do that?” Julien asks. You simply look at him like he’s stupid and gesture to your practically humanless figure. “Right, right…sorry…” he apologizes nervously.

You then shake your head out of disappointment and safely lead the trio to their evac site. Once there, you see a helicopter already there and waiting to take them. Unsure whether or not it’ll be a bad idea for you to get on with them in the state you’re in, you turn away from them and take a few steps. “Grab them, now!” a voice you couldn’t quite recognize yet yelled. Before you could move, you were captured and made unconscious. Hours would pass and you’d soon wake up once again, finding yourself tied down and hooked up to machinery. Nobody was inside the bright room with you, but you could see several doctors outside discussing things you wish you could understand.

Scared more than everything, you see the doctors scrambling to try and calm you. The entrance to the room you were in was then opened, and a figure heavily covered in a hazmat suit frantically ran towards you. “Mein Engel, what’s happening? Why are you panicking?” the figure asked. “Marius..?” you ask. He frantically nods, gently putting his hands on your face to hold it. “Don’t…tie me up…let me go…” you say. “I-I…mein Engel I can’t do that…” Marius says sadly. “Please…” you beg softly. Marius’ heart aches upon seeing you in the state you’re in, and he turns around to look at the doctors that were watching on.

They seemed to be deliberating to figure out what decision should be made, only for them to look back at you and give Marius the signal. Marius then begins to shakily and quickly remove everything from you to keep you happy. Overwhelmed with a sad emotion upon finally being reunited with your lover, you embrace him tightly. Stunned and slightly afraid of this, Marius pushes you off of him. You then become even more upset and back away from him, figuring he must be detested by your form. “N-No, no wait, please! I just…I will admit I got a bit scared…it reminded me of the time I was surrounded by so many Roaches…” he says, reaching out and carefully grabbing your arms.

Looking into his eyes, the level of pity and grief he held for you was genuine. “I…missed you so much…sorry…” you apologize softly. “I missed you too, Y/N. I promise we’ll fix you…we can be together again and live our lives until the end…just promise me something, too.” Marius says softly. You nod, your piercing red eyes staring into his, “Please, promise me that you will never hurt anybody that doesn’t deserve it…” he says. “I promise…love…you…” you whisper, voice shaky as your emotions continue to overwhelm you. “Ich liebe dich auch, mein Engel…” Marius whispers back. This time he embraces you tightly, holding onto you as he begins to cry.

Though you are unable to shed tears of your own, you wished it was possible.

#r6s #rainbow six siege #r6s x reader #rainbow six siege x reader #r6s jäger #marius streicher #marius jäger streicher #jäger x reader #r6s jäger x reader #angst #angst with a hopeful ending #r6s x reader angst #r6s gsg 9

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oyasumi-ashurii · 3 months

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Okay, so it might be a little hard for me to cohesively put all my thoughts and feelings into why I care so much about Final Fantasy VIII, but because of the 25th anniversary and seeing a lot of you talk about your love of the game I'll try the best I can. So here's my embarrassingly and extremely long personal history with the game and why it will always be my favorite.

Before FF8 I was mostly a Nintendo kid. Mario and Zelda were all I really knew, and as a hyperactive as I was I didn't really have the patience for anything story-heavy that took a lot of reading. Though I did I get a PlayStation later on I hardly bothered with anything other than Spyro or Crash. Anything similar in graphics to FF7 or 8 was mostly foreign to me too, with maybe the closest being my cousin having the first Resident Evil and I was far too young and too scared to bother with anything like that. So you can imagine the complete and utter shock kid me had going to my uncle's and seeing him play FF8 for the first time. I don't think it had been out too long but he was already on disc 3 in Esthar and, bless his soul, he let me play his save for a while. Being able to fly around the map on the Ragnarok?? The realistic proportions and animations in battle?? The absolute BANGER of a soundtrack?! All of it had me excitedly begging my parents to buy me the game. Nine year old me didn't know roman numerals, though, just that it was called Final Fantasy with some weird lettering. I had no idea of Final Fantasy as a series and I didn't know it was the eighth game or that there were eight of them at all. I couldn't remember what the cover looked like either and my uncle not long after that was going through his own personal troubles so I wasn't able to visit or ask him. We didn't have internet at home until the early 2000s (it was AOL dial-up too, jesus, I don't miss that) and my parents were strict about internet use, so I was stuck. My dad did eventually buy me an FF game as a surprise when I was eleven, and lmao can you believe I was genuinely upset because it was Final Fantasy VII?! That being said, I have an INSANE amount of love and respect for 7. Considering how much easier I think the materia system is to understand for newcomers, having it as my first, full FF experience was a bit of a blessing lol. FF7 hit me in a different way than 8 did, and maybe I'll make a post about it sometime.

So other than the brief times on the internet (I was only allowed on for an hour or two before I was kicked off) and reading gaming magazines I had hardly any access or knowledge about FF8 until years later. I knew the characters briefly and read some small stuff here and there about the world, but that was it. Even so, I STILL loved it. I would draw them (I've drawn most of my life, and I still do occasionally as a fun hobby), write about what I thought they were like, so, so much of me embarrassingly obsessing over it and driving my small group of friends in school bonkers (oh lordy I just remembered my preteen username I had used on an FF forum and now I'm cringing.) You get it. So why did I cling to the game so much, even though I barely played it? Why did it mean so much to me? Because around the time I was twelve I was deeply depressed, and throughout my middle school and early high school life video games and their stories were the only joy and comfort I had. I'm not going to go into much detail because it feels too personal to write on tumblr about and I'd rather not think back too much. If you want the gist it was at a moment in time I was mostly on my own. I felt isolated and alone, and due to growing up in and around strict, conservative circles I struggled with feeling far behind my peers, so my personal and school life suffered. Things got better though and I'm happy in my life now, so that's really it.

As I got a little older I had played other FF's and RPGs in between that I also fell in love with (especially Kingdom Hearts) and funnily enough horror games, but I still didn't get my hands on 8 until I got it on my fifteenth birthday and I was over the moon. That night and many nights and weekends after that I played every single bit of that game. I had printed walkthroughs and a guide of the junction system, with overly-detailed notes I had scribbled down and highlighted. I had written down all the rules of triple triad, weapon upgrades, item refinements and what you get from monsters, side-quests, all of it. I had never went all in into a game before, but I did it because I wanted to experience the game that gave preteen me comfort everything it had to offer. And I remember vividly when I finished it I cried until I was almost out of breath.

But you know, I didn't get emotional because of the nostalgic school-like feel and inspired real-world setting, or the overall main plot with magic, sci-fi and sorceresses. It wasn't even the deeply interwoven love stories, the theme of fate or the gameplay either, though I grew to love all of those things dearly with time.

It was because I was a socially-awkward and lonely fifteen year old girl that watched an equally as awkward seventeen year old boy overcome his own deeply-rooted fears and trauma and come out at the end of it all on the path to healing.

And I knew I'd be okay, and ever since then this game has and will always be that reminder and comfort for me.

Thanks for reading.

#ash.personal #ff8 #final fantasy

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