the thing abt h*rry styles is like. i don't even personally like his music, and while i still haven't looked up the details of the latest nonsense it sure sounds like he said something dumb and unexaminedly homophobic and it's more than fair to critique that, but the way some people talk abt him sure is revealing wrt how agonizingly fucking narrowly they define queerness, and how viciously fucking snidely they want to police it!

Tw: very aggressive anti-endo post I’m responding to (Syscourse of course with that.) also I will most likely curse here and come off as very angry.

Okay, so I normally wouldn’t do this, but this post genuinely pissed me the fuck off. I blocked out identifying information of the person because it’s not about this person, it’s about the general misinformation spread by these people. Please do not harass this person, this post is clearly engagement bait, which is what ultimately made me decide to do it this way.

Religious forms of plurality has existed and been known about far longer then DID has. Not just Tibetan Buddism. Which just shows you haven’t done any fucking research whatsoever. That’s pretty typical for posts like this, but still.

“Support actual victims” A lot of endogenic systems have trauma as well, but you deny them the right to exist because the trauma isn’t valid to you. It isn’t the “right” way. A lot of endogenic systems form alters to because there brain isn’t shielding them from the trauma by forming DID or OSDD, or a different form of plurality, so they fucking do it themselves. But no, they don’t fit your narrow views of plurality so therefore “to bad, so sad, you don’t deserve support” A lot of systems are Trauma-Endo, but that trauma isn’t real enough to you because you have decided “I don’t experience this, so it doesn’t exist” same fucking argument is used against queer people, people with invisible disabilities, (which DID can be, and we consider it one for ourselves personally, that doesn’t mean it is for everyone) and basically every fucking Minority.

Even if endogenic systems have no trauma, which does happen, why are you against them having a safe space??? That means they won’t be in your safe spaces because they have separate ones?!?!

I assume the persecutor thing is something to fall back on “Oh my persecutor said it, it wasn’t me!!!” As a persecutor myself, I don’t give a shit if you are a persecutor, or a caregiver, or whatever. You still are responsible for what you say and do. You are still responsible for what your alters say and do.

I assume this person is saying endogenic systems have factious disorder or something, but guess the fuck what. People with factious disorder deserve safe spaces too. Factious disorder is a real fucking disorder not just a quirky thing to call people. They deserve help and therapy with factious disorder, like you deserve treatment for DID.

Also as a final thing to add, it’s funny how sysmeds complain about how endogenic systems go on tags for them, when they don’t want to see it, and then purposely try to make upsetting post and using the tags used by the community so they see them and get triggered.

Endogenic systems have done nothing fucking wrong to you by existing.

-Edward

but seas between us braid 🌊🎇

a steddie new years fic for @thefreakandthehair

featuring: oblivious boys being oblivious while they cuddle, wholly unnecessary pining, kisses at the stoke of twelve, big feelings being not so overwhelming in their immensity when they’re shared perfectly

“I mean, some kisses are less good but,” and his tone softens, and Eddie wants to fucking taste it, wants to consume the sound but then also drown in it, it’s very contradictory and overwhelming and Eddie thinks he blew past the smaller feelings here a long time ago, thinks he’s more than mired in the big leagues, now, the stuff that can full-on break your heart maybe past recovering, fucking hell: “I think most new year’s kisses are ones you give and get with some kind of love in them,” and Steve sounds so…bright with it, like the space between them is already warm but Steve’s just created a little bubble where love is real and joy is a thing your lips can convey through touch alone and it’s wild, and it’s heavy in Eddie’s heartbeat and he…it’s not just hard, to pretend against his own wants, now. In the moment, in fact: it’s fucking impossible. He can’t even consider pretending he doesn’t want Steve. All of him. Everything. For always. He’d been doing so well, too, given the givens. At pretending. He’s fucking lucky Steve can’t see his face; fucking blessed there’s no pulse point Steve can brush by on the top of his head, giving him away. “And any kind of love is a good thing to step into the new year with, yeah?” Yes. Yes, and he clings to that so fucking hard he might crack it down the middle but that’d be okay—it’d be okay because if it cracks Eddie will hold it together ‘til it shatters, soaking in the warmth of so much feeling through the crevices until he cradles the pieces when they burst entirely for the pressure of his grip but that’s okay too, that’s almost perfect because broken wide like that, Eddie can bask in the full shine of what it feels like, even as a bystander, to know that kind of automatic, bred-in-bone kind of love. There is love in Steve, for Eddie. That’s undeniable; he’d have to be genuinely willing into his ignorance to miss it, or be able to justify in any way as having some reason or logic to dismiss it. It may not be the love Eddie wants most but it’s a love he wants deep and that he sinks inside the gratitude for whenever he lets himself think too long. Sometimes even when he doesn’t; sometimes it’s just what happens without thinking, or trying. Without having to. Most love is a good thing to start anything new with safe and sure in hand. More than. “I guess,” is what Eddie ultimately says, voice smaller than he’d like but steadier than he’d expected so: he will take that happily, or close-to; “maybe I’ll try it sometime and see.” For all that Eddie’s been trying so hard to control the way his body reacts to Steve’s touch, Steve’s words, Steve’s living-breathing being: Steve doesn’t appear to have the same limitations. Because he stiffens, and he’s silent, and Eddie forces himself to make it seem casual when he rolls his head to see if he can catch a hint from Steve’s pulse through his belly—nah, just endearingly,

beautifully, mundane-wondrous-human rumbly sounds from probably too much beer and not enough pizza, they’d miscalculated that balance by a decent amount. The quiet stretches long enough for Eddie to mostly stifle a sigh, mostly-successfully too, and finally muster the courage to sacrifice Steve’s fingers in his hair for twisting around and meeting his gaze where he’s felt it boring into him since the speaking stopped. Something very close to scandalized in the look. “You’ve never?” Steve asks like the idea is impossible, anathema, rather that pretty fucking predictable for a queer kind in Podunk, God’s Country. “Nope?” Eddie pops the ‘P’ with real feeling, hoping that’ll end the discussion. He’s not exactly put out by never getting a new year’s smooch, but like, it’s not his favorite topic for dwelling on either, doesn’t exactly make him feel awesome or anything, so. Eh. But that’s not how Steve means it, Eddie knows that. Can possibly hear the tone of the words and read the posture of him, the energy radiating off of him something that’s soft like pity with none of its razor edge; heavy and weighted like pure disbelief without irony or overstatement, at least not in the mind of the speaker which: absurdity of the highest order, save that Eddie trusts Steve with his life, and more, now, with his heart and his soul however they come back for the gifting, just for the happy surrender of them: if they come back at all. No damage would ever be done with intent, and all the moments where parts of Eddie might spend that intimate with Steve, in his chest or his veins, well: that’s all more than worth it. It’s not quite comfort that colors how he leans a little into Steve’s touch where he hadn’t let himself before, not fully at least, not intentional like this, to the point past denying: it’s not quite comfort, more like…the only sign Eddie’s willing to risk giving right now, warm and safe and cared for, however that care lands and calls itself: it’s a sign he’s willing to risk, because if it's unwanted it will cost him nothing but the lance through his chest for the rejection, unspoken maybe but no less of a blow. That part’s nothing he’s never brushed up against before, if not so deep, if not inviting an almost certain mortal blow. And the result in the end: Steve, however he can get for as long as he can hold on? There’s no question that’s probably an unfair trade somewhere, and not even in Eddie’s favor. They sit for a while, the minutes counting down and even with the volume low, the buzz of it’s growing almost unpleasant through the tinny speakers. Steve’s hand is still, where it sits on the back of Eddie’s head and Eddie doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, heart wringing a little for the uncertainty and he does his damnedest to corral it, to bring it back to the point wherein Steve is still touching him, close-on to cradling him only kind of in midair between them; Steve is still there, with him, and that’s has to count for something. Fuck, no: that does count. For everything. Eddie picks up counting happening in the audio, and Jesus, they’re starting way too high, like, doesn’t that fucking kill the anticipation? Wait for ten, goddamn. Maybe twenty, then number down. But no. These people are fucking vibrating on the a T.V. And Eddie can forgive a fraction of it for the simple generation of necessary body heat but…this. Eddie knows excitement, okay? Knows being super-stoked for a genuinely amazing thing. This here is just what you’d call fucking excessive. The ball is garishly bright in the broadcast and…what the fuck? “Is that an apple?” Eddie squawks because, again, what the fuck; “why the fuck is it an apple—" In his confusion and general indignation—he was very much under the impression the big dropping ball was all sparkly and not fruit-based, and he didn’t even have to be a frequent viewer to be very sure of those facts—but in his distraction, he…apparently managed to also miss how the overlong countdown had finally started to hit its intended endpoint.

more here 🌊🎇

I feel like gender nonconformity is often taken to mean like. presenting as the opposite of whatever your assigned gender is. like as an afab lesbian if I want to be gnc that means I have to dress super masc. but I think for me at least gender nonconformity is more about completely divorcing yourself from any expectations of gender presentation one way or the other. I can dress masc or femme or androgynous, I can wear makeup or not and shave my pits but not my legs, I can be whatever I want to be on any given day without regard for what I’m “supposed” to wear. when I first started really thinking about my relationship with gender there was a period of time where I felt to be valid I had to dress really butch or it didn’t count, and if I wore a skirt that meant I’d been faking it. but I didn’t WANT to dress super butch all the time. I didn’t want to be butch or femme or androgynous or or or or, I wanted to wear what I wanted when I wanted. ultimately I gave up trying to pin down and put a name on my gender identity. I said to hell with it all. my pronouns are what they are and I dress however I dress and I don’t owe it to anyone to define any of that. my gender nonconformity isn’t a nonconformity with femininity specifically; it’s a nonconformity with any sort of gendered rules of presentation. and that was a really freeing thing to figure out. and I think that in online queer communities there’s really this pressure to put a label on everything and to identify as a specific thing and to prove your validity within your identity. non-binary doesn’t have to mean androgynous. gnc doesn’t have to mean butch. and I guess this pride month I’m just really thinking about that, that really all that being queer is about is saying a big fuck it to it all and just…existing, however you want to exist. wear what makes you feel good. be whatever makes you feel good to be. to hell with it all.

What We Do in the Shadows: Pride Parade (5x03)

What an episode, holy shit.

Cons:

I can't think of anything I'd change about this one! I guess I'll repeat my comment that the Guide doesn't have a ton to do. The joke seems to be that she's superfluous and ignored, but she does feel superfluous to me, so it's just not that funny.

Pros:

Where to start? The Nadja plot thread was hilarious. All of the physical comedy of the doll inside vampire-Nadja's body was a delight, I was laughing out loud at so much of this. And then the grotesqueness of Colin and Doll-Nadja both inhabiting vampire-Nadja's body? The duet they sang at the pride event? I don't even have anything coherent to say about any of this, it was just hilarious all the way through. The ending gag of Lazlo deflowering doll-Nadja who is possessing vampire-Nadja, along with Colin, with vampire-Nadja inside doll-Nadja egging them all on... I mean, what other show can you think of that would ever do something as batshit insane as this? It's incredible.

The main plot is about Sean running for comptroller, and planning a Staten Island Pride Parade to try and help get more support from the LGBTQ community. He comes to the gang because he knows they're all part of that community and he wants their advice and to get them involved. Lazlo takes things to the next level and volunteers to make the float and help to host, clearly jazzed about the idea. I love that we've gone from implied queerness early on to just full-throated, "yes, everyone in this house is super gay". We even have Nadja saying that "we all fuck each other" which seemingly canonizes the implication that has been made at several earlier points in the show. There's even that ending moment where Nandor and Guillermo walk in on the rest of them having sex, and Guillermo turns to leave, and Nandor says "are you sure?" as he seemingly prepares to join in as well. My goodness.

I've always said Guillermo is my favorite character on this show, and he remains that, but Lazlo really does take a close second. I loved his enthusiasm for the parade, his silly costume, and most of all I love the experimenting with Guillermo. Now that he knows his big secret about being bitten by a vampire, he's determined to find out all he can about his condition. They run all sorts of tests together, which prove that Guillermo is certainly a vampire of some sort, but seems to have a lot of limitations in that regard. He's not compelled to count all the spilled rice the way Nandor and Lazlo both are, he is able to go out in the sun, but he does successfully levitate something, and he can grow bat ears and small wings, even if they are useless. And his sweat is vampire sunscreen, meaning Lazlo is able to enjoy the daylight for a while!

It's... charming, the way Lazlo seems to be invested in Guillermo, wanting to discover this mystery and also potentially protect him (and Nandor) from the pain that would come if the truth came out. He could just tell Guillermo's secret and let Nandor deal with it however he likes, but he legitimately seems to care.

Which, of course, drives Nandor crazy. The fact that Nandor is openly jealous when Guillermo seems to be spending so much time with Lazlo is hilarious to me. We've come so far from season one, when Nandor admitting that Guillermo meant anything to him would have been absurd. He plans to fly into space to prove that he can, and when Guillermo asks if he's doing it to impress him, we see Nandor being interviewed, seeming to scoff at the suggestion, before ultimately admitting: "yes."

And of course he does succeed, before falling immediately back to Earth in a fiery crater, thus showing up naked to the Pride Parade, triumphant at last. I loved Guillermo's shock as he rushes to wrap Nandor up to cover his nudity.

And then we get the final little parade bit at the end, everybody dancing and enjoying the music. The shot of Guillermo holding up his little sign, and seeming to get into it despite himself, was the cutest fucking thing. We'd heard earlier that he'd never been to Pride before, so seeing him be able to celebrate who he is actually warmed my heart quite a bit!

I honestly have no idea where we go from here, this show is so insane that I can't predict whatever craziness they'll come up with next. I'm ready for more shenanigans between Nandor, Guillermo, and Lazlo, and I'm eager to see how things will go when Nandor learns the truth!

9/10

russian "lgbt propaganda" laws get more and more insane. at this point it's either get the fuck outta here or kys

"any depictions of non-traditional relationships that paint them in a positive light and/or talk about their superiority over traditional relationships" you know what would save the image of a "traditional" marriage? if you didn't allow men to beat their spouses into submission while only paying a small fine for it. that would work i think. also they group queer people with fucking p*dos but that's something they've been doing for ages.

"anything that promotes the distorted view of non-traditional relationships being equal to traditional relationships."

"anything that is aimed to create a positive image of undergoing sex change procedures." as in, saying that medical transition can save lives is propaganda, apparently. i wonder if it's going to affect the doctors working with trans people, and how much time do i have before they take away the possibility of transitioning altogether.

what the actual fuck. im not even gonna talk about the language here.

fun history bits btw. the law itself started with "protecting kids" in 2013 (sounds familiar to my american audience?) and used to only affect mentions of lgbtq+ in spaces accessible to minors. but since 2022 it's officially just a nation-wide ban because, shockingly, queer people didn't disappear, so that means "the evil gays" are brainwashing adults too

my heart goes out to my american audience as well, i keep an eye out for what's happening. fight this shit if you can, because this is what it leads to, this is what they ultimately want. i swear the shit they're doing to you rn looks like they're taking it straight outta russian rulebook.

sorry for the rant, but i guess you can see that i'm not taking the news very well. and i'm still a little bit afraid of using my platform to talk about serious topics in fear of being an inconvenience to my audience. but at the same time i kind of really want to vent sometimes. i'll try to keep it as a relatively rare occurence tho.

someone commented on a post of mine saying that fallout raiders are the only true evil in fo4 and. did we play the same game

firstly. the raiders are like. ultimately? disenfranchised people with very little means trying to make their way in a vicious world the only way they know how because the world at large has gone to such complete shit. but we do see them (through notes/terminals) have genuine emotional connections with one another and do what they feel is necessary to keep their own safe.

meanwhile we have like. the the brotherhood. and i’m not saying they’re all bad — but while anti-institute and ultimately with a noble goal (ie. protecting people), the commonwealth brotherhood is a branch of a paramilitary organization, led by an autocrat, who will kill a man who has dedicated his life to the bos without a moment of hesitation or any genuine remorse. his only regret is that danse turned out to be a synth at all, which to me just screams the exact same energy as “i’d rather have a dead child than a queer/neurodiverse/disabled child.” (i can’t speak for the brotherhood’s characterization in other games, but in fo4, they’re a racist mess.)

and then, of course, the institute. even aside from the whole “synths don’t count as having their own autonomy (despite constantly running away)” thing, the institute kidnaps people, replaces them with synths that, in many cases, actually believe themselves to be the person they’re replacing, and then conduct inhumane, likely painful experiments on the unwilling “subjects” they abduct, which ultimately led to the forced evolutionary virus and the rise of super mutants. which is, uh. Bad. i think. i think that’s a Bad thing to do. not to mention that they’re led by a guy who’s willing to thaw out the sosu from cryostasis only when he’s actively dying, just to see what they do, like his only living relative is just. yet another experiment. something to keep him entertained, i guess, before he finally kicks it. (maybe he does genuinely love them, in his own way, but like. that’s a hell of a way to show it my dude. the fuck was going through your head)

i’d rather try to reform a raider than an institute scientist, i guess is what i’m getting at. a raider could be given ample supplies and some addictol and might say “oh, sweet. i can stop raiding.” meanwhile if you did the same to someone from the institute, they’d just tuck it aside with all their other supplies because they want for nothing and are raised in a society that is actively trying to recapture escaped slaves synths. (plus, raiders are very often addicts in some form or another, and the villainization of that echoes real life sentiments Way too closely for my liking)

Hey hey, a fic writing question for you! ❤️

✿

Oooooh, almost forgot about these in the nice asks floating around, thanks for this! 😻

✿ did anything major change when you started writing [fic] to when you finished?

I'm going with Much Ado actor AU unless you had another one in mind! 💜

So... yeah, very much. Up until writing probably... ch8? Ish? I was very much planning on following all the major book beats. I.e., the leak. And... idk. Look. I love the book, obviously. This isn't a complaint about the book, more so... the marketing, I guess? I first had it pitched to me by @schittposting as part of a voiceteam thing a couple of years back, so I was prepared going in to read it. But, you know, it sometimes gets pitched as a light fluffy romance and... their outing is really, seriously violating! Their innermost thoughts and fears and fucking sexual proclivities get put on blast! And I was writing this fic in the time period between the film trailer and release and so I was seeing a lot of, like, tiktoks and stuff from people who were like "this is gonna be such a cute fluffy romcom!" and I kinda just got to the point where I was like... you know what? Nah. This is fanfic. I'm not beholden to the beats of the book, and I'm embracing joy. I mean, still a bit of angst because Henry is who he is, but ultimately I wanted to celebrate queer joy and self-determination ❤️

Which, looking back on the fic as a whole, I think if you know that you can kind of see that chapters 14-16 were more... padded? Because the outline had the leak and the fallout there, so I had to stuff it full of emotional beats instead, haha.

[fic ask game]

My absolutely unhinged 6A Buddie arc speculation web from last night:

Opening FWB arc (with 6x01 as queer chicken ultimately leading to a kiss and 6x02 as the “ahaha that was WILD but we’re not gonna again though, right?….right?” stage, and 6x03 as “I tried to resist but fuck it, I can’t help myself”) culminating in them sleeping together

6x04 focuses on other characters while they’re in the background avoiding talking about it

6x05 (likely a mixed comedy/drama split, I’m guessing the drama of a literal home invasion will be reserved for other characters) Buddie Roommates Era because Buck’s apartment gets infested with something and it’s a Comedy because they don’t know how to be normal about it and they end up falling into bed again

6x06 is Henren Begins which very well could mean they aren’t even in it

6x07, Cursed, as a Jinx throwback/juxtaposition where Buck is like “this keeps happening and I want it to keep happening but this shouldn’t be happening” and is feeling Some Kinda Way about his relationships and sex and thinking he’s doomed to always fuck things up with sex (meanwhile one or both of them gets queer love advice since we’re just coming off of Henren Begins)

6x08 Pilgrimage really sounds like a Thanksgiving ep with potential to be all “what are you grateful for” reflective and both of them in different ways thinking about how they love the family they’ve built together, etc (and each other)

6x09 Warning Signs (I’m guessing this will be a big Chim Breakdown Era episode but setting that aside for purposes of this list/the subplot) Buck decides that even if he wants more (wants everything) with Eddie, he’ll fall back into his bad habits to take what he thinks he can get with Breakdown Era Imminent (and then in 6B they’ll actually have to talk about their damn feelings)

Yes, I’m going to drive this clown car right off a cliff, but in the meantime I’m having a BLAST.

Fucking Amazing Game Alert

So Goodbye Volcano High just came out today, and I played it all in one sitting. (6.9 hours, nice) And like holy fucking god. It was so good. I mean it was buggy in places and some of the minigames weren't fully polished but whatever. The storyline, and the characters, and the music, and the story!!

Heads up. Minor spoilers but I wanna talk about it so here I go. HUGE REVIEW / INFODUMP BELOW (There's also a bunch of screenshots from my playthrough mostly of the last couple episodes.)

Fang's VA sounded like Chloe from Before the Storm (not Ashly Burch but Rhianna DeVries) and it was so cool, and speaking of Life is Strange, there's so much Life is Strange vibes throughout the whole thing. Apocalypse, queer teens, great music!

Oh my gosh great music! The music minigame didn't work 100% but when they did it felt so great and I loved all of the songs actually all of them.

The main cast was great Fang was relatable and flawed and well written. And I loved them so much. Trish was an amazing backup to Fang and drove the story so well. Reed was amazing especially as GM, and his L&L character Sydd was hot as fuck. Sage and Stella were great and reminded me so much of my friends @hearthurian and @spookyscarynik it was amazing. While not everything matched up them, Sage being a femme presenting trans boy was handled well and remind a lot of Arthur. Especially him talking about horoscopes and being so invested in Stella but still being so strong on his own, and Stella crushing on fictional characters was so Nik lol. And they just kept being so great as a duo even if they weren't dating in game. I ship it. Rosa was nice but I definitely missed some scenes with her and after seeing the name of the achievement "Surprise Friendship" I do wish I knew what her story was like. Naser was so fun, was a well written older brother character, and did great in the L&L session.

And Naomi. <3 Lovely Naomi, her reveal as the secret admirer was done so well. Like even though I was thinking maybe it was her the reveal that I was right in the end of the 3 episode had me screaming, I loved it so much!!! And their short time together was great and I really want the best for them even if their world's story is almost definitely ended.

The game aspect of it wasn't great, like honestly this could have been a short miniseries kind of thing, like Looking for Alaska and it could have been so much better. Because as medium all the game aspect let me do was play along to the music (which I did like though), and miss some scenes because I didn't choose the right dialogue options. I guess there were the unlockable flashback but those could have been added as like little cut between episodes or commercials. (Maybe like the Sk8 the Infinity stingers idk) I did like getting multiple dialogue options but if choosing ones that felt right to me means missing out on scenes, it's not worth it. Like I really wanna see all the story has to offer and it's a shame I couldn't see the full story just because they wanted the story choices to feel important. According to the achievements I missed scenes with Rosa, Stella, Trish, and Reed.

Rosa's story felt the most lacking. Stella's story felt fine as a side character but maybe I just don't know what I'm missing. I kept wanted to see more of Reed's story but it never happened. Trish's story felt whole as I got it but apparently I still missed something, possibly connected to Rosa's story but maybe it was just more with her. Maybe I'll go back if there's a guide on which dialogue options result in getting to see every scene in the last act (the achievements say it's possible to get all of them in one playthrough), but that depends on how restrictive it is and how much that would take me out of the game. I might do it like how I did the Life is Strange Ultimate playthrough a few years ago, where I looked at the wiki to get every scene I wanted. Cuz yeah I could just play the game over and over again but seeing a story like this over and over again can make it lose its magic. I know the last time I played Life is Strange definitely wasn't anywhere near as impactful as it was the first couple of times I played it. I couldn't even finish True Colors on my second attempt going for 100% because it just felt like I wasn't in the story like I was the first time I played it, and I don't want this game to be the same. It deserves better, so I'm just gonna leave it at one playthrough for a while and MAYBE I'll come back to it at some point.

And now for the storyline. Holy feels dude. So much worm drama! The story is so deep and emotional and tackled a bunch of rough issues really well, all with an amazing friend group. Dealing with the apocalypse felt so real after the pandemic, and that brought a lot of emotions back up which felt almost nice? now that I'm in a better place and have had to sit with them. And having dealt with my dad's death last year, some of the family scenes did hit me more than I was expecting even if I wasn't too close with him or my family. Fang being non-binary was handled so well and all the scenes with their parents deadnaming and misgendering them also hit me really hard, Naser was being supportive the whole time and that meant a lot. And even though the scene at the end with Fang's parents correctly calling them Fang and them saying they love you back felt a little undeserved, it's the end of the world and there's some love there even if they don't fully understand Fang. Which doesn't always happen with trans people and their parents so I guess I'm happy for them if their happy.

The Battle of the Bands plot was fun, after reading Steph's story (the Life is Strange book) [SPOILERS FOR THAT], I wasn't actually expecting Worm Drama to win. But I guess even more amazingly they did and it didn't matter; and they had to find their own meaning in their music and with their friends. And they did, and it was great.

The dino characters were great. It was like lowkey furry energy (I mean that in a good way) but it wasn't just thrown it. They thought about it the emojis faces and hands were dinos. All the character's clothing made sense with their dino features. (I loved Fang's horn choker thingy.) It just brought me into the world way more than took me out of it.

Re: the Kristen Stewart Rolling Stone shoot

It's giving JD Samson. I guess even the gays can have a lil Y2K revival.

(I haven't even read the article. I am purely responding to the images before I go to work LOL.)

The #tag comments begging/joking about Kristen going on T, in her response to her own longing for "a little mustache, a happy trail" are very understandable. You all want to push her gender fuckery from fantasy into reality, from metaphor into the concrete, into what Saketopouou calls "the more and more" of gender OVERWHELM and of course that is HOT!!!

But even before Bella starts microdosing testosterone (or maybe she's already started, more power to her!), let us just pause, and fully appreciate this image in this moment. What if we take KStew at her word? What if this photshoot truly is "the gayest thing ever," in the grand tradition of Deep Lez aesthetics and a certain flavor of lesbian gender (which could never be TERFy because it is so clearly distinct from cis women's genders, is a creative response to different kinds of pain points, both fucking with and getting fucked over).

It reminds me of this passage, quoted in Sexuality Beyond Consent:

"I was female-assigned at birth," writes the queer theorist Kathryn Bond Stockton. "Though [my own sense was that] I was a boy… mistaken for a girl. And though I was, to my mind, the ultimate straight man seeking normally feminine women, I turned out a "lesbian," against my will-though in accord with my desires. As for my girlfriend she grew up, to her mind, normally feminine, as a rural Mormon raised in rural Utah. In her twenties, after her male fiancé died, after she didn't go on a mission, after she walked across the US for nuclear disarmament, she met lesbians and wished she could be one, so cool did they seem to her. But, she figured, she wasn't a lesbian. Long story short: I didn't want the sign ["lesbian"] but was pierced by it; she quite wanted it but didn't think she'd gain it. We have [both] been dildoed by th[at] sign. We've been pleasured by it, as it's come inside us-I've had to try to take it like a man. (2015)

Close up on Kristen Stewart on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine. She's rubbing her clit underneath a jock strap. Read Sarah Tomasin Fonseca's essay in "It Came From the Closet" for a little foray into the erotics of jacking off into stolen male underwear. A truly young and otherwise disempowered dyke might steal underwear from a male relative, now we can buy what we like at the store, but the relationality is always there. Although the jock might get the most attention, Kristen is also wearing a pointelle thong in pure white cotton from Cou Cou Intimates, a brand which profits from Millennials sexualizing our girlhoods. They advertise to me on Instagram and I get skin shivers at the ability to choose, buy back and own the thong versions of underpants we wore even before men in AIM chatrooms asked us our bra sizes (when we were 11). And Kristen is wearing this delicate piece of panty in the men's locker room.

Part of the power of dyke sociality and sexuality is exclusivity. A "woman's" right to refusal can mean prioritizing other dykes, and asserting the irrelevance of straight men. And yet, in the realm of the sexual unconscious, we all know about each other. We all must deal with each other. In the words of Avgi Saketopoulou, we are all acting ON each other.

Much as the fetish clothing in the gay male leather scene comes from the uniforms of the armed forces, police, and working class, before it is transformed and inducted into delightful and perverted hiérarchies, Kristen plays with sartorial signals which might have their base in other genders, but which she uses to construct a gorgeous dyke existence.

The juxtaposition with men, not just with masculine trappings or locations, which are more easily taken over, was unsettling for me! I was scared for her! The image of her on the floor, mouth open: She's On Our Backs! But she's not, she's on the cover of Rolling Stone, the largest subscriber base is probably white Gen X men. Kristen on the floor lies in both the power and powerlessness in non-normative dyke sexuality. She's wearing an outfit that might make more sense in a leathermen bar -- decadent black leather vest, exposing jock strap -- in front of an objectified Black man. Who is he, and who is he to her? (Who is he to the dudes who subscribe to Rolling Stone?) He is jacked, with sweat (or more likely oil) artfully dripping down his washboard abs to the visible bulge in his gym shorts. A leather bar is a place to find danger, but this man is not at the leather bar. Together, they are in the men's locker room, a dangerous place for a queer or a woman. However, they seem disinterested in each other and Kristen is not afraid. She's skinny and milky (a weakling in many genders) and sitting like a neurodivergent queer, doing "hysterical clowning" with her knees up and posture hunched in front of a mirror in the men's locker room, next to a faceless white man with perfect posture and impossibly large biceps, and she also doesn't look afraid.

Her bangs have been cut with blunt scissors, messed up and sweaty. Nothing says queer like deliberately fucked up at home haircut. Finger in mouth, which reads submissive in straighter settings, but in queer orality, its giving top (if not dom) energy.

OK gotta go to work now, just wanted to blast off some associations before work!!!

final thoughts: hannibal season 2

only took half an hour for the last three minutes to buffer 💀 anyway that aside, what a fucking finale. i got so caught up in the story that i barely realized what was going to happen until it was unfolding before me. and god did it unfold lol

i mentioned earlier today that i liked all of the transformation symbolism in the cases will and hannibal were working on throughout this season; i also like how quickly that stopped (along with the cases) as soon as the audience was let in on will's secret. it felt like a very abrupt shift now that the curtain was drawn back and we could see everything that was happening. i liked the choice.

i certainly wasn't expecting abigail to be alive. i suppose that's why hannibal was so willing to speak more plainly about her "murder" to will, since she wasn't actually dead. it feels rather poetic in a sick, fucked up way for her second and final death to be right in front of will, when he can't do anything to stop it, and from the same injury that almost killed her the first time. it feels like a claim of ownership in a way, like hannibal was assuming the role of abigail's real father because he killed her in the same way garett jacob hobbs attempted—and in that way it's perhaps mocking will, because he could never be the parent hannibal was to her. sick and twisted!

i'm pretty hmm confused i think with the finale in the choices they made to kill off essentially half the cast. obviously will is going to survive since there's a third season(???), but since we're made to believe he dies here that means as of this finale, 4 of the 8 main characters (at least according to wikipedia) are dead now. so i'm very confused who's supposed to carry the show in the next season? i guess i'll see?

the queerness of the show really started to shine through in this season though. i was very impressed by the fluid way will's relationship with hannibal was discussed and developed. even despite his cover story being ultimately false, there's still a very queer relationship between them, and i like how hannibal really, really seems to believe in and feel that love. especially when will asserts that he's already changed hannibal: it feels like a victory in the very specific, very sick way i like the best. i really want to see where this relationship goes in the next season, because it has the foundations for being of an archetype that's woefully underutilized and also essentially crack cocaine to me (that, of course, being love as horror).

i know i have just one season left for this show, but i'm debating whether i should watch it now or if i should go back and start spn season 9. i'm not built for binge-watching shows so i'm actually getting kinda fatigued from going through 6-7 episodes a day, even though i desperately want to keep going. either way i really enjoyed this season so i'm very excited to get to the third!

SPOILERS FOR STRANGER THINGS SEASON 4 VOL. 2

Okay I haven’t posted in forever but but I was literally crying this morning over the Stranger Things Finale before I even watched it so here are my two cents:

Why the fuck is the message of season 4 “don’t be honest about who you are or what you’re struggling with or it’ll hurt/kill you no matter what you do?” Because that’s the point this finale seemed to make.

Will started to open up to Mike about his feelings, albeit in a very indirect way, and that just resulted in Mike pursuing El even further. And even after all of that Mike and El still aren’t actually talking and Will has still been demoted from main character and plot catalyst to the sad gay side character that’s sometimes a monster detector??? So I guess Will just has to continue hiding who he is while he watches his sister and friend/crush continue their codependent and ultimately stagnant relationship and he’s once again being tossed aside in favor of a character that was supposed to die season 1. I mean I love El, but come on, they’re treating Will like he’s completely irrelevant now.

Max started coming to terms with her trauma and mental health, started opening up to her friends finally and was rekindling her relationship with Lucas. She was obviously hurting after Billy died and it was even mentioned that she was suicidal, but she fought to stay alive and get back to her friends who she loves. It was such an obvious metaphor of battling mental illness and Max’s character arc in the first part of the season was so amazing to watch. But no, apparently it doesn’t matter if you fight through the struggles of mental illness and seek help from your support group, the trauma monster is just gonna torture and literally break you anyway, sorry.

And Lucas, despite finally standing up to Jason after trying so hard to fit in and be part of his group, got beat up and then watch the girl he clearly loves be mutilated right in front of him and then put into a coma.

I mean even Robin, who’s still understandably deep in the closet, started to open up a tiiiiiiny bit and had hope for her potential relationship with Vickie and then immediately saw her kissing a guy. But the second she gives up on that and steps a bit further back in the closet? Oh, Vickie broke up with him, thanks for not coming out Robin, you get a cookie.

And Eddie. I do not understand how they could kill the one character who was always 100% unapologetically himself the entire time we saw him. He was labeled a freak and later a psychotic devil-worshipping murderer and yet he never changed who he was to please anyone or even lashed out at the people who wanted to hurt him. Not to mention he’s queer-coded as hell and I seriously doubt that was unintentional. I mean if you’re writing a period show and you do research about 80s culture and especially subcultures and outcasted groups for Eddie specifically, why would you give his character a black bandana in his back pocket if you’re not trying to imply that he’s queer? He was always true to who he was, he protected the kids who reminded him of himself when they were lost and being picked on. He was nice to everyone as long as they weren’t an asshole and he ultimately fought to save his friends and all the people who hated him. And what did he get? He got brutally, painfully killed while the entire town still believed he was a monster and no one besides Dustin and his uncle, not even the other people he fought with in the upside down, mourned or even acknowledged him.

It’s so infuriating that Max and Will (and Robin and Lucas to a lesser extent) suffered and were hurt because they were beginning to open up. But Eddie has always been open and nothing was going to make him start pretending to be someone else so he just straight up died. The one person who was always honest and never lied about who he was and they killed him for shock value. Like am I just reading into this too much or does that literally send a message of “if you start to open up you’ll get hurt. And don’t even try to fully be your true self, because look what’ll happen”

And yeah, sometimes life is cruel and you get hurt unjustly for just being who you are. But this is a fictional tv show where children fight off monsters. A show who’s main audience are the very outcasts they’re now sidelining and killing off in favor of more conventionally “typical” characters. I relate to Will, Robin, Max, and Eddie the most out of all these characters and now I’m being made to watch them suffer for all the reasons I relate to them so much.

Mike and El are still in a pretty unhealthy and unbalanced relationship and they’re fine. Jonathan and Nancy are still lying to each other and refusing to communicate and they’re fine. Steve, as much as I love him, is still pining after Nancy without actually directly talking to her (which, sidenote, is just a huge disservice to his otherwise fantastic character arc imo) and yeah he’s hurting seeing her with Jonathan again but he’s ultimately fine. The only people who really suffered are the only ones who have stopped lying about who they are or what they’re struggling with or who never did so in the first place.

How can you write the line “Forced conformity, that’s what’s killing the kids. That’s the real monster” and then punish the handful of characters who are trying to break away from that conformity? Why the hell, in a show that used to be all about outcasts forming relationships and fighting monsters against all the odds not in spite of being different, but because they’re different, are those very characters being hurt and punished for not being like everyone else?

Like, I’m just so fed up and tired. This show is legitimately ruined for me now, and it’s not because a character I liked died or the ship I was rooting for didn’t happen. It’s because I look at these characters I relate to being tormented and hurt for being queer or neurodivergent or having trauma, things that I experience/struggle with myself, and the message I hear is “What you are is wrong and bad things will happen to you because of it. You deserve to hurt because of what you are and you will never be safe or happy.” And that fucking kills me, especially since this was a show I loved so much just yesterday and now I can’t even stand to watch it.

So... I don't agree with Lilith Farren on a lot of things but she's spot on about the RWDE being full of it. I mean, they want to make her out as the real bigot while not once looking at the company they keep. Even if Lilith holds these secret prejudices... she's got the real receipts on them.

I've generally avoided talking about this, but here we go, I guess.

I'm so fucking tired of receipts, and discourse, and debating whether or not RWBY is good, (it's not perfect, neither is it the animated spawn of satan or whatever) or debating whether or not Rooster Teeth is evil, (they are, but they ain't special) or the suspecting everyone and their mother of secretly being a bigot or creep over their opinions on fiction, and just the endless pointless fighting over shit that really doesn't matter at the end of the day.

The world is burning down around us, queer people are under constant fucking attack, racism and antisemitism are having a resurgence, (not that they ever really went away in the first place,) the politics of imperial countries like Britain and America and Russia still have outsized ability to ruin the lives of people all over the rest of the world, and neoliberal capitalism is slowly killing us all with the constant monetization of basic survival. And yet, some people apparently have nothing better to do with their lives than either bitch about a show, or bitch about the people bitching about a show. It's so. Fucking. Asinine.

I will be honest, I do not particularly like or respect Lilith Fairen, any more or less than the 'rwde' people she's constantly picking fights with. I did follow her for a while at the start of 2021, because I was in a different headspace back then and that stuff felt like it mattered more, but honestly? Even when I was following her and considered her 'cool', something didn't sit right with me about the way she talked.

Whenever she was dunking on rwde takes, there was an even mix of really strong points she made, and arguments made purely using in-universe information without considering the OOU reasons for those things, then needlessly hostile assumptions being made about the other party. Sometimes they were retroactively validated, but not always, and either way they were usually completely insane things you would't just assume of someone out of the fucking blue.

It's really only since the big RT controversy that the why has come into focus. Because at the end of the day, with her response to that it's become clear to me that she cares about RWBY and defending everything about it, even the genuinely bad stuff, more than she cares about real people. She talks the social justice talk, but does not walk the walk.

I don't completely agree with the people who have gone the other extreme as a result of the controversy and insist continued engagement with the show makes you just as bad, (because like I said, RT are awful, but they aren't special in this) but I do still get where they're coming from and agree with them on not supporting RT financially in any way anymore. (Whether V10 should or shouldn't be greenlit, I'm still conflicted on, but also that's ultimately out of my hands to decide, so I plan to just roll with whatever does or does not happen there.)

LF's response, from what I saw, (for better or worse, I wanted to see how she was faring after the news broke and still offer some kindness if needed, hoping to see better of her I guess, so I logged out to go check her blog since I was blocked by that point) was to wring her hands a bit about how this would impact the show, then insist rwde were to blame somehow and go right back to her usual behavior.

Do I think she's secretly bigoted or something? Not really. (And the recent claim by someone that she was totes a neo-nazi definitely raised some eyebrows as a result, that's a very serious claim to make.) I don't think she has the capacity to care enough about real-world issues to have those kinds of beliefs, honestly. And on the flipside, I don't think she cares about social justice as much as she claims to; it's all props for her to justify harassing people over a show.

Which brings me to the other big reason I don't particularly care for her, which is her behavior in the magical girl community. I won't belabor the point, since I really don't want to make this some big callout post, (deserved or not, those have already been made about her, and I don't like the concept either way) but between her awful takes on PMMM and fans thereof, and actual harassment campaign against the creators of Sleepless Domain, she's been consistently pretty unpleasant-at-best over here.

I don't disagree with everything she's ever said, and I do agree that a lot of the post-Madoka grimdark Magical Girl trend has been pretty bad on the whole, (though at least some good stuff has come of it, like Symphogear) but her hardline refusal to see anything good in it, along with her sometimes completely insane bad-faith readings of Madoka in particular, is such an ironic echo of the same sort of behavior she claims to hate about rwde. And even then, it would be fine, if annoying, if she didn't then also go and mistreat people over it. It really boils down to the same thing as with RWBY, just in the opposite direction; "I like this show, show is good, people who don't like the show are bad and evil" and "I hate this show, show is bad, people who like the show are bad and evil", and then using social justice language to justify and prop up her arguments.

It was all that stuff, not so much the RWBY discourse, that led to my disillusionment with her, and her eventually blocking me. I guess if one good thing came of it, was spite powering me to work on my own magical girl stuff again, and the resurrection of a friend's dormant story that I proofread for. But on the whole, that period of life where I was really paying attention to what she had to say, just feels now like a waste of time.

I don't hate her, and I don't think she's secretly evil or whatever like that one person suggested, and I definitely don't think she should be harassed, despite her own behavior. I just think she's a kinda mediocre human being who really needs to get her priorities straight, and probably work through some insecurity issues or something. (It's not my place to diagnose, but like, therapy could probably help with whatever she has going on, if she ever becomes receptive enough for it to work.) As much as rwde people can annoy me too, her whole moral crusade against them feels like a waste of time and energy that could better go to other, bigger things, and her moral crusade against dark (or even moderately-toned like Sleepless Domain) Magical Girl stuff, her response to the RT controversy, and how she ignores or speaks for other marginalized people, shows it all to be ultimately hollow and shallow, more about opinions on some shows she likes or hates, than anything meaningful.

In the end, she's just not worth my time.

fellow label anarchist! i have been reading into the history of stud and i really identify with it. I like how powerful and wanted it makes me feel. People have been saying i can’t ID as stud because I’m not a lesbian and i don’t match the definition of it fully (i’m pretty pale). But labels are just words and to me it means something different. I guess i’m taking a leaf out of your book and saying fuck them and identify however you want!

Ok, I don't want to yuck your yum or cause offense in any way, but you do seem to have run into one specific situation in which I might draw a line. I'm also having trouble articulating the issue fully here because I am white as well (assuming that's what you meant by pale), so if any poc can add on in the comments and speak to this, I would be so grateful for that.

I keep saying I'm a label anarchist because most of the time with queer labels, using one that doesn't necessarily "fit" you is not harming others in any way. I've only done a cursory search on Google about the stud label, since I'm not super well-versed with that one, but it does seem to be a label coined by black mascs to differentiate from their white counterparts.

I guess the best way I can think to explain why this is different than identifying as, say, a lesbian when bisexual is probably a better descriptor is by comparing it to the conservative argument against transgenderism where they claim that it would be the same thing as claiming to be "trans-race." It's difficult to fully articulate WHY these are different things, but we all know that they very obviously are.

It just seems, to me, like it might be appropriation to use that term when butch (and other masc labels like stone or just masc) exists.

I may be way off here. I'm not super knowledgeable about the various lesbian labels beyond a surface level understanding, and I'm also not involved in conversations about them. I really want to invite anyone who knows more than me to share their opinions/ understanding in the comments or reblogs, because I do feel out of my depth here a bit.

Ultimately, the first part, not being lesbian and using the label, I totally agree with—there are so many queer identities and to restrict expression descriptors like "butch" and "femme" to just lesbians doesn't make much sense, especially since there's so much overlap in the queer community. I would just be really careful with anything involving race, because it just seems like it might be infringing upon a safe space they've created for themselves, and that kind of thing actually IS harmful to those communities.

oh lmao well worth a shot I guess. ty for the polite response though. any particular reason for hating it, just out of curiosity? 💞💞

honestly this video explains it better than i could in a fun engaging way: sherlock is garbage and here's why by hbomberguy

but spoilers for the series. a too long didn't watch of non spoilery stuff:

over produced (we do not need that many arc shots, we do not need a matrix journey into sherlock's 'mind palace')

bad faith interpretation of sherlock holmes in. several places

irene adler. just. all of that

moffet's favourite thing to do at cons is make fun of how much fans like and want to engage with the show

cumberbatch is acephobic (to be fair, this is potentially old information. it was [checks notes] over ten years ago lmao but as far as i know he hasn't said anything against his previous stance on asexuality so.)

i just do not like freeman. the vibes do not jive with me

treats the viewers as ultimately stupid, we never get a chance to solve the mysteries in the show ourselves, instead sherlock will eventually say he has the answer, then he'll refuse to tell anyone until the moment that would make him look best lmao

like. listen i just hate shows that are about mysteries or like... chess, just for example and no reason at all, and they refuse to treat the audience with any faith. they don't SHOW us why the characters are smart they just continuously TELL us the characters are smart and expect us to be impressed

queer baiting (this feels weird to say because of the actual watering down of this phrase by younger fans using it to mean 'any time my ship wasn't canon' and the like no it was real this time)

moffet loves to tease something interesting and then it'll never happen because he got another season and therefore doesn't actually have to answer the question he posed at the end of the last season that got you interested in watching the next season in the first place

anyway. i did enjoy the first.... two seasons when they first came out but even by the end of season two i was starting to see things that just. weren't engaging. the writing wasn't there. and i already knew about moffet and cumberbatch's disdain for their fans so. sour taste and all that.

the more i say things about sherlock the more i realize sherlock was just the warning for what would become the mcu. god. rest in fucking pieces.