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#i know I have a lot more thoughts this is just what came out rn
account-name · 1 year
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idk if i'll end up with anything nice enough to post but i am finally out of art block for now and am working on redesigning my designs of the trio
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sungwoonha · 1 year
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#this week has been… just extremely …#as of last week mentally n physically i had just been drained…#was the week back frm spring break..had two meets one of which was out of town on a saturday taking 30 kids#it was A Lot n then it was also my bday that day so it somehow felt more of a drag bc it’s like … idk my bday doesn’t mean much nor do i#even do much but… it being on a saturday n still having to work n be around the kids it felt extra draining#it was nice tho.. kids had great swims it went by fast n we all went to get ice cream together after#so i’m not complaining but i’m super introverted so by this time of the season my social battery is just.. on the floor..#this coming up week is our most important week of the season for the team as a whole so i’ve just been stressed x9273738#and mentally i do feel exhausted and this past week has just been hard..#i am still in a state of disbelief n everything feels like a daze i can’t bring myself to even say his name …like i feel more than ever i’m#on autopilot it’s just all muscle memory taking me through the remainder of the season bc after this i’m rly just drained of everything#ik there was a reason for this post n me talking abt where i’m at but i can’t rmbr….#i’ve sat here for a minute n it came to me again#so that’s where i’m at rn and as usual sungwoon came n gave us the words i needed to hear#wnvr i’m at my lowest he just Knows somehow n tells us exactly what i needed to hear in the moment#he updated us saying he can’t believe that at this time next year he will be back home<3#only one more year to go and we’ll b reunited.. i’m sooo so happy#and then he said he’s been in deep thought these days and that he hopes haneuls are healthy both physically and mentally and that he misses#us so much#like….. yea… i just love him sm#anyway… i’m almost free frm the stress of our season n hopefully after i’ll make it through this long tunnel i feel i’m in and finally#Breathe…. i also have two cons next month so i’m excited to get a few weeks of relaxation before that n going w a light heart to the cons#seeing txt and wei<33333 like i’m so excited#hope everyone is hanging in there<3333#p
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moonchildstyles · 2 months
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have you thought about revisiting that anon concept about asterry and his girlfriend watching p*rn? I'm asking for a friend hehe
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(Y/N) blinked, staying silent as she took in the conversation around her. This was definitely not the avenue she saw the night taking when Charlotte had opened the second bottle of wine between the few of them. 
"I asked him if he still watched it a lot, like as much as he did before we started dating, but he wouldn't really say no," Emily shared before taking a pull from her wine glass, "He didn't say yes, but all he said was that its different now, don't worry. What is that even supposed to mean? Like, do you watch porn when I go to sleep, yes or no?" 
Charlotte and Sarah both laughed, joining Emily as she smiled around the rim of her wine glass. (Y/N) wanted to laugh along, but she was honestly still a bit thrown off by the topic. 
Truthfully, she didn't know really much about anything that had to do with... pornography. The closest she had were the scenes some of her romantic novels had, and movies that had her adverting her eyes.
Not only was the act of sex demonized growing up—especially before marriage—but anything else that had to do with it. There was no way she was going to risk doing any of her own research should her parents' close monitoring catch even a stray google search. 
After getting out from under their thumb, she didn't have much desire to go looking on that corner of the internet—she had done fine enough up to this point, she figured. Then, of course, she met Harry and there really seemed to be no need for any kind of video when she had him in the flesh.
(Y/N) honestly wondered if she had ever even spoken the word porn aloud, let alone discussed it with anyone else. This conversation was especially jarring given all of the giggling and the unfiltered language. 
"Em," Charlotte piped up, bringing her wine glass to her mouth to cover the wry grin growing on her face, "Have you ever tried watching it with him, though?" 
Feeling her cheeks warming, (Y/N) practically sunk into her skin as if to hide from the conversation. Sarah had mimicked her surprise some, though she was decidedly less shocked into silence. 
"Charlotte!" Sarah bubbled, dark brows raised, "Is that what you do?" 
Another peal of laughter came from the wine-soaked group, though (Y/N)'s reaction was more to fit in with the theatrics. (When it came to topics like these, she didn't want to be quiet even if she wasn't necessarily talkative—being too silent left people wondering if she was uninterested, judging them, and invited questions she wasn't looking to answer). 
She had always figured the viewing of those kinds of videos to be something that was done alone. She couldn't fathom anyone joining in and watching alongside what should be a particularly intimate moment. (Besides, if you had someone to watch them with, why watch them at all when you could be with that person?). 
Charlotte hesitated for a moment, opening her mouth before closing it. Emily nudged her at her side, a mischievous smile on her face. 
"C'mon, spit it out." 
Finally, Charlotte threw her hands up in surrender. "It's honestly not that bad, and I think you should try it." 
"So, you have done it!" Sarah called, bouncing in her spot on the couch, "With Elijah or?" 
"With Elijah, yeah," she settled, the wine getting to her tongue as she didn't mind sharing more details, "I walked in on him one time, and I wanted to be grossed out, but I just wasn't. It ended up working out, and now it's just a thing sometimes." 
Charlotte's ending shrug before taking down a gulp of wine showed the end of her story, though Emily still nudged her as if there was more she could shake out. 
"I don't know if I could do that," Sarah admitted, crossing her legs underneath herself, "I think it would annoy me too much, that Mitch was watching a video like that when he could have just called me or something." 
(Y/N) rolled her lips between her teeth as the conversation then changed, some debate on if videos like that were allowed in relationships. 
She didn't know what she would do if she walked in on Harry watching something like that. While she couldn't really deny that she enjoyed the sight of him playing with himself (something she's shyly learned every time Harry passed his fist over himself before sinking into one of her holes), she wasn't sure what she would think about the inspiration behind the act. There was a part of her that would be offended, she thought, that she was right there and he picked a video over the real thing. Another part of her understood that maybe he wouldn't want to have sex right then, instead opting to take care of himself before moving on. Besides, it wasn't like he had photos of her to look at in the heat of the moment, so she figured she would have to understand. 
There was no use in being jealous of girls in movies anyway. Even if it did kind of hurt her stomach thinking about Harry reacting to them the same way he did to her. 
Around her the conversation had floated elsewhere leaving behind the illicit subject matter for something lighter (a movie Emily had gone to the theater to hate watch only to end up liking it some, and now she was questioning her taste level). She was able to plug into this one much better, that much was evident in the way Sarah had quit giving her small glances as if she knew that (Y/N)'s comfort was twisting. 
Despite now adding her own takes to the conversation and actively engaging outside of a few well placed laughs and head nods, the back of her mind was lagging behind. 
There were questions rattling around that she was sure she wasn't going to be able to keep completely under wraps the next time she saw Harry. 
—————
(Y/N) watched as Harry climbed into bed beside her, comforter pulled up to her chin as she sunk into the warm mattress. He gave her a lopsided smile when he caught her following gaze, her skin warming as she averted her eyes. 
Cuddling in beside her, Harry pulled her close with an arm around her waist, his ankle hooking around hers. She could feel his eyes on her, but when she didn't immediately match his gaze she heard a plume of laughter fall from him, 
"Why won't y'look at me, love?" he smiled, reaching his hand on her waist through the duvet to brush her hair out of her face. 
She shyly kept her eyes on the column of his tattooed throat, following the thorny roses. "You caught me." 
(Y/N) could feel the fan of his laughter as much as she heard it. His hand settled on her cheek then, his fingertips venturing into the baby hairs bordering her hairline. "Yeah, but y'catch me looking at you all the time," he countered, "Jus' lets me know y'like what y'see." 
Using his hand on her cheek, he angled her face towards him once more, forcing her eyes to meet his own. A small smile graced his features, his eyes light with amusement. Tipping his chin just right, he pressed his lips to hers in a delicate kiss. 
When he pulled away his smile had grown, dimples now touching his cheeks as he ran the pad of his thumb over the height of her cheekbone. "Did you have fun tonight, baby?" 
Their dinner date splashed through her head, along with all of the warm feelings she went through while under the dimmed lights. They swapped bites of food, shared a cocktail (Y/N) really wanted to try but was worried it would be too strong, and Harry pulled out any joke he could in hopes of hearing her bubbling laughter through the restaurant. 
Nodding her head against the pillow, her own smile took her features, leaving her cheeks mushed between Harry's hand and the soft of her pillow. "A lot of fun. Thank you for taking me." 
His hand slipped down the slope of her form, settling on the sup of her waist before he gave a gentle squeeze. When (Y/N) reacted with a bubble of laughter, Harry's eyes swam with adoration. 
"I had fun too, baby," he crooned, "Thank you for coming with me." 
With the low lights and the gentle way he spoke to her, (Y/N) felt like she was supposed to be tired. It was kind of her thing, anyway—being sleepy and decidedly ready to pass out whenever. But, that just didn't seem to be the case tonight, her head was too full.
When she had come to his place after class, Harry greeting her at the door, there was a pinging question in the back of her mind that made an abrupt return from the previous night. As much as she wanted to blurt it out, get the curiosity out of the way, it didn't feel entirely appropriate to ask her boyfriend about his porn habits just after walking through the door. That much was made even more apparent given the fact that Mitch greeted her a few minutes later, trekking from his room to the kitchen with a small wave. Then, Harry had told her he had plans to take her out to dinner that night, and there was no way she was asking such a question in the middle of a restaurant. 
There was never good time it seemed, to sate her curiosity and learn her own perspective on what her friends had been talking about. No time better than right now, anyway.
She just had to find some kind of courage to go along with the timing. 
Shuffling closer, the sheets shifting around them, Harry pressed a small kiss to her forehead, right over a crease she hadn't realized was scrunching the skin. "What's going on in here?" he cooed, "You're thinking too hard before bedtime, love." 
"I just—" she bubbled off before stopping her tongue. She swallowed, a pinch appearing between her brows. "There was something... I don't know." 
There were no words that felt comfortable in her mouth, nothing that she could feasibly hear herself saying when it came to the questions she had. (Honestly, she couldn't understand how she was able to utter some of the things she did for Harry between the sheets and now shy away over pornography). 
His hand on her waist was a stern anchor, the grip just tight enough to remind her that he was there. "'S alright, y'can tell me. What is it?" 
Gone was the amusement and the soft teasing he had offered up to her before, instead his voice growing soft and forgiving. Patience now settled in his eyes as he waited on her. 
Dropping her own gaze to dance around his features, she distracted herself with the spray of fine freckles on his nose. "The girls last night, they said something that I've just been... thinking about I guess." 
The warmth of his gaze traced over her own features. "What was it? It wasn't anything rude, right?" 
"No, no, no," (Y/N) rushed out, matching his gaze to show her sincerity. All of those girls were her friends, and Sarah would also never let anything like that happen around her. "It was—I don't know, it feels weird to say it." 
Harry's expression relaxed now that he knew he wasn't there to be nursing any wounds. "We've said a lot of weird stuff to one another, baby. I think I can handle it." 
She couldn't look him in the eye when she tried to speak again, instead dropping back to the tattooed skin of his neck. Her hands between them reached to take his shirt between her fingers, the faded graphic on the material distracting her just enough. 
"They were talking about porn." Her heartbeat sounded in her ears. "With their boyfriends." 
There was a pause, though (Y/N) could feel his unwavering eyes on her face. 
"Okay," he finally shared, the syllable slow as it dropped from his tongue, "That's what's been on your mind?" 
Folding her bottom lip between her teeth, she tried to find the next set of words that made sense. "I-I have questions. I think." 
Harry's expression broke into a soft smile she could hear through the delicate huff of laughter he let out. "You think?" 
Peeking up at him through her lashes, she saw his eyes bare of liner, the planes of his face relaxed and rounded, and his hair pushed away from his face leaving it all on display. He didn't look at all bothered by her avenue of conversation, leaving him to be the always open book he was for her, willing and ready to answer anything she needed. 
"Yeah," she said, settling into her skin some, "I knew what they were talking about, but I don't think I really understand it all. I thought I could ask you, if it wasn't weird." 
"Never weird, love," Harry shared, "You know 'm always here to answer anything y'need help with." 
(Y/N) blinked, tipping her chin in a short nod. "Okay, but if there's anything you don't want to answer, you don't have to." 
"'M sure I can answer ever—" 
"Do you watch porn?"
Practically cringing at the sound of her voice wrapped around that question and the fact she spoke it aloud right to Harry, (Y/N) wanted to curl up in hopes of disappearing. 
"Sorry," she started, her voice barely a peep, "I didn't mean to cut you off." 
Harry looked at her for a lingering moment, his brows raised high over his eyes before he melted some. An amused smile sat on his lips, a small puff of laughter exhaling from his lungs. "'S alright," he offered, his hand on her waist squeezing just enough, "Not what I was expecting, but 's okay.
"To answer your question," he drawled, "No, I don't—not since you, really. No need to when I've got my own pretty star, huh?" 
His lips molded into a teasing smile, but lopsided as he pressed forward hoping to catch a small grin from her. 
Keeping her shy gaze dropped, (Y/N) couldn't keep her lips from curling. There was a bit of pride from the flattery; he didn't need any videos when he had her instead. She was enough to satisfy him, and that was a nice thought even if it was a bit in the gutter. 
Spotting her shy smile, Harry let out a plume of laughter before he dropped a kiss to the tip of her nose. Knowing him, he probably already knew what was going on in her head, even if she didn't say it aloud. 
"Is that all y'wanted to know, my love?" 
Her fingers in his shirt curled just a bit more, as if she were bracing herself for this next string. "One of the girls, she said something about her and her boyfriend... watching it together," (Y/N) prattled, her voice growing smaller the more she went on, "Is that normal?"
Harry lagged in his response, taking his time with his fingers fiddling with a pulsing pattern on her waist. "It can be," he offered, "but, 's not for everyone. I've never really talked about that with anyone, but I would imagine it could make people feel closer—sharing something that's usually only done by yourself."
(Y/N) silently nodded her head, taking in his offered information. Truthfully, she wanted to stall, find another inconsequential question to stall him before she was left with the last curiosity she'd had burning in the back of her head. 
The avenue she landed on was barely any less humiliating, but it was easy to fall from her tongue than the other she'd had on deck. She still couldn't meet his eyes as she spoke, bubbling off the question before she could second guess herself. 
"Is that something you would want to try? Like, watching it together and all." 
Skating his hand over the curves of her form, Harry tipped her chin up. Their eyes matching, (Y/N) could see the way he scanned over her features the way he always did when he was attempting to decipher where she was coming from. The lines of his features were softened, rounding into soft curves and gentling the longer her gazed at her.
"Is that something you want to try?" 
Flounder under his pressing, (Y/N) understood what he was going for—she was too shy to explicitly voice all of her wants, so he had to fill in the gaps at times—but was still taken aback none the less. Of course the thought had crossed her mind since the previous night, about what it would be like to sit with Harry and watch a different kind of movie than she usually watched with him, but the idea wasn't exactly the most compelling. 
She wasn't sure if she could really handle watching him watch someone else, and potentially become more turned on than he had even been with her. Nonetheless, she had never actually watched any porn herself, and she wasn't sure if she really had any real inclination to change that. 
But, there was something to be said about the way Harry had described the act: sharing someone to vulnerable, that is usually kept private, with someone you trust. He had a way of making these scenes sound much more romantic than the semantics did. 
"I don't know," she settled on, aware of the intensity in his eyes as he watched her, "I've never really watched anything like that, so I don't think I really understand what that would mean." 
Almost imperceptible, (Y/N) was able to catch the way his brows raised just enough. "Really?" 
Tipping her head in an almost shrug between the sheets, (Y/N) pursed her lips. "It was one of those things, you know." 
That was enough of an explanation to Harry; he knew her growing years and the drilled in obedience that followed her even after leaving home. Despite curiosity, there was no way she would have had the confidence to even make a search, that he knew.
A small curve settled on his lips, patience and understanding sitting in his eyes. "Guess that makes sense then, hm?" 
"Just add it to the list," (Y/N) joked back, a small huff of laughter falling from her lips. 
His hand on her jawline that he had used to tip her face towards him now angled itself towards the curve of her throat. His palm was warm and agnate over her skin, the pad of his thumb stretching to rest on the hinge of her jaw. "Is it something you want to know more about?" 
"Kind of," she answered honestly, sinking into the fluff of the pillow under her head, "But...Really, I think I only care about what y-you like and all of that." 
It was one of the harder admissions, (Y/N) feeling as if she were asking a bit too much into his personal thoughts. If he wanted to share that part of himself, he would have already, she figured. 
The warmth of his thumb on her cheek expanded as he pet a small trail down to the line of her jaw. "I don't really watch it anymore, love, remember?" 
"Yeah, but," she started, resisting the urge to pin her bottom lip between her teeth, "What about before?" 
When Harry paused, (Y/N)'s fingers in her shirt pulsed in an anxious curl. 
"But, you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she quickly attempted to recover, replaying her words and just how pushy they may have come off.
The amused laughter that fell from his lips was enough to reassure her that she hadn't bothered him too much. "'S alright, baby," he murmured, "I was jus' thinking." 
When he didn't immediately offer any extra information, she couldn't help herself—her curiosity was so close to gaining all the answers she needed, she didn't want it to stop now. 
"About what?" she mumbled, watching intently as he just kept thinking.
Only one side of his mouth curled upwards, his smile going lopsided. "If I should tell you, or show you." 
Now, (Y/N) had no choice but to fall silent around her dry throat. Show her?
Harry let out a small laugh at her reaction, unable to hold himself back before he was pressing a gentle kiss to the bridge of her nose between her wide eyes. 
"I take it that I should probably jus' tell you, huh?" he joked, pulling away with a brilliant smile on his lips to match the bright lilypad of his irises. 
Swallowing around her dry throat, (Y/N) spoke up, "Y-You could show me. If you think that would be easier." 
Though the request itself wasn't made with much confidence, she still was surprised it even made its way out of her mouth. Two birds with one stone, she figured, she'd finally see what it—porn—was all about, and learn something new about Harry. 
That was what she was telling herself anyway. 
Raising a single brow over his intense gaze, Harry took in her reaction. "We could do that," he mused, "But, I don't want to do that if it would make y'uncomfortable, love. It can be a bit... much, especially if you have nothing to compare it to." 
Rolling her lips between her teeth, she allowed her gaze to trace along the line of the single stray curl that rested against his temple. "I think I can handle it," she told him, her voice small as she avoided his eyes. 
Shifting his hand on her neck, Harry brought his palm to rest on her cheek. The pad of his thumb ran along the fragile skin under her eyes. "You are brave, aren't you." 
"I try," she murmured, shy smile evident in her voice. 
She could practically see the gears turning in Harry's head, his eyes flashing with just a glint of something she couldn't name. She was hyper aware of his hand once again gliding over her skin until he was carding his fingers through her hair to rest his palm on the back of her head. She matched her gaze to his bashfully. 
"Are you tired, or do y'think y'can stay up a little while longer with me?"
With a flutter of her lashes, and her heart mimicking the act, (Y/N) tugged herself that much closer to him between the sheets. 
"I can stay awake."  His lips turned into a lopsided smile, a single dimple denting his cheek as he gazed at her. (Y/N) could only tip her chin just so when he surged forward, pressing their lips together in a warming kiss. While it was chaste, there was an urgency behind it that she could feel before he pulled away. 
"Lay the other way for me, baby," he instructed with a jerk of his chin, "I need to grab m'phone." When (Y/N) didn't immediately turn to press her back to his chest, Harry lagged, keeping from reaching for his phone on the bedside. "What's wrong, hm?" 
"I don't get to see you?" (Y/N) murmured, barely keeping the whine out of her voice. She preferred seeing his eyes over everything else, knowing that it was him that was touching her. 
A soft hum of laughter fell from his lips. "'S just gonna be a little bit easier this way, love, that's all. I'll still be right here." 
"'Kay," she answered, though she didn't follow his instruction until he pressed another kiss to her puckered lips. 
With that, Harry reached to the bedside table where his phone was resting while (Y/N) twisted in the sheets to lay on her side with her back to his chest. The duvet folded, leaving her arm and back exposed to the chill while Harry took longer than a few moments to do whatever it is he was doing on his phone. 
She could hear the faint taps of his finger against the screen, scrolling and typing before he eventually curled around her. Harry conformed to the shape of her, his sweatpants-clad legs tangling with her bare ones with his arm hooking around her waist to position his phone before the two of them. He shifted the pillow under his head until she could feel the plume of his breath grazing the column of her throat, warm though it still elicited goosebumps to erupt over her skin. 
(Y/N) could feel her heart bubbling in her chest when she dared to peek at what was on his bright screen. Though there was nothing explicit or exposing on the screen, she was sure they weren't too far off with the dark color scheme of the site he had brought up. 
"Are you sure, love?" he murmured, his lips close to her ear, "We don't have to do this if y'don't want to. It can be a lot right away, and I don't want to scare you." 
Folding her bottom lip between her teeth, (Y/N) allowed his words to roll around her head. She wasn't completely naive—she could imagine what the videos would look like, though she doubted it would look or feel the same as it did when she was underneath Harry. But, his earlier definition still stuck with her: this was a small vulnerability he was sharing with her. This is something he would normally have kept so private, but he was willing to bring her in and share something so different with her. 
She could be brave—she could keep her curiosity burning enough to keep from feeling any kind of anxiety. 
"I'm sure," she mumbled, "Thank you." 
Dropping a kiss to her shoulder, Harry hugged her to his chest for a lingering moment. "You tell me if y'change your mind, darling." 
"I will," she assured, despite his words being more of a statement than request. 
Reaching over her, Harry grabbed for his phone and began tapping at the screen. The brightness had lowered from disuse, but was brought back to life from his touch, leaving every frame illuminated once more. Snuggled against his back, (Y/N) watched, her eyes widened once the reality of the site was scrolled through. 
There was already a video pulled up on screen, showing what exactly took him so long to tap through his phone before. (Y/N) blinked, trying to decipher what was in the thumbnail before her. 
From the small snippet she could see—along with the attention grabbing, all caps title—this was a loving couple having morning sex on a Saturday to the sunrise. Very romantic and loving, supposedly. In the picture, she could see the beginnings of a sunrise through a conveniently, perfectly lit bedroom. There were gauzy drapes over their open windows and pristine white linens on their bed—even the creases and folds were artfully tufted around their bodies. (Y/N) couldn't be sure if they were just that perfect, or this was an expertly produced video. She couldn't tell the difference. 
The pair was barely clothed, their faces cut out of frame, leaving their bodies to be the star of the show. The man had tattoos—no where near as many as Harry, but still quite an array. He was undressed down his briefs, where there was a bulge that could be clearly seen against the woman's stomach. She was made of smooth swathes of skin, the ends of her hair visible as it brushed her bare skin before disappearing out of frame, and her chest bare. All (Y/N) could see that was distinctive about her form, was a small tattoo on her thigh in the shape of a red heart outline, contrasting against the white cotton panties sitting on her hips. Their limbs were in a tangle with one another, legs crossed and arms holding one another.
From behind, she could feel the brush of Harry's lips against her throat. "Does this look okay?" 
(Y/N) gave her approval in a small nod of her head, her hair brushing against her pillow. "Have you watched this before?" 
She could hear the curl of his lips in his voice as his words swept across the back of her neck. "A few times, yeah." 
As he spoke, Harry's thumb tapped on the video, pressing play and starting it up. She watched as the frames took over the screen, showing the humble beginnings of the film with the woman crawling over the bedsheets to reach her lover where he was laid back against the pillows. The soft sound of their lips meeting could be heard off screen. 
"W-When?" she asked, her line of questioning a safe distraction from what was going on in front of her. 
The soft sounds of their mouths coming together and parting filtered quietly from his phone. Were they that loud when they kissed too? 
"Not for a while," he reminded her, though his voice dropped lower into a whisper just for her when he spoke again, "Watched it for the first time after that night in my office at the shop though, I remember that." 
"You do?" Her skin warmed at the reminder of that first night—all of the things she learned that night while sprawled out on that couch. 
On video, the man had gripped the woman's hips and settled her atop him from the position she had previously held on all fours. The length of their bodies were pressed together, their faces still just perfectly out of frame to keep everything anonymous. Their kissing had turned rougher, a bit noisier as they sunk into one another. The sun outside their window was casting luminous glares over the scene, giving buttery warmth to their escalating acts. 
Harry's hand on her waist squeezed as he watched. "Yeah," Harry breathed, a heavy kiss landing on the back of her neck, "I couldn't stop thinking about you, and I saw this video and... she kind of looks like you, doesn't she?"
(Y/N)'s breath caught in her throat. There was a moment as the woman moved, her body on display against the heavy tattoos of her partner that had her seeing them in just the right light. 
Cotton panties, bare skin, delicate tattoo, all wrapped in white with the slow sharing of kisses between she and her lover. (Y/N) could see herself in that. 
It was an exhilarating feeling knowing that Harry saw someone so effortlessly sexy, and could see (Y/N) in them. 
She pressed herself against him that much more, her back against his chest. His hand on her waist tightened, as if preparing to keep her just where she was should someone try to steal her away. She could feel the fan of his breath fluttering over her skin as she watched his phone. 
The acts between the couple escalated until the camera caught the way the woman ran her hand down the man's body until she had reached his cock. Her palm was pressed against the bulge, rubbing against it through the fabric of his underwear. He moaned unabashedly off screen, whispering something for only his lover to hear. (Y/N)'s lungs squeezed when she saw the way the dots of wetness seeped over the grey underwear covering him. 
"Wh-What else do you like about this video?" (Y/N) murmured, shifting so her hand was laid over his own on her waist, their fingers tangling together. 
A breathy laugh could be heard from behind her. Harry's voice was just as low as he spoke, "Do y'really want me to talk through the whole thing?" 
"I like hearing you more," she admitted, squeezing his hand in hers. 
A delicate kiss was dropped to her shoulder, the curl of his smile evident in the small contact. "Well, other than her reminding me of my angel," he drawled, a tease to his tone, "'S different than some of the things I used to watch. I liked seeing something gentle." 
(Y/N)'s throat bobbed as she swallowed around her dry throat. Before her, the videoed couple had now moved on to sliding their hands into each other's underwear. The man's face was buried in his lover's neck, showing off a head of dark hair as his moans filtering through the small speakers. The woman's whimpering noises could be heard in tandem with the slick sounds of their hands roaming each other's bodies. 
"What was the other stuff you watched?" Absently, (Y/N) was aware of the way her hips shifted some, rubbing her backside against Harry's front. Behind her, against the curve of her bottom, she could feel something much more rigid than the blocks of his muscle beginning to press into her.
He paused before he spoke, mulling over her question while she watched on screen as the few pieces of clothing covering the couple's bodies were shed. Harry's hand on her waist shifted, leaving her own behind as he pressed his palm into the soft of her stomach. She could feel the pressure of his fingertips on her plush skin just as much as she could see the man on screen press against his lover's thigh in the same way. 
"'Member m'birthday?" he murmured into her skin, his mouth beginning a blazing trail over her shoulder. The tip of his nose caught on the neck of her top, pulling it along with him as he kissed the cuff of her shoulder. 
For a split moment, there was a different movie playing for (Y/N). This one featured she and Harry as the stars, celebrating his birthday between the sheets with his cock sinking into her throat, his palm smacking over her center, and his cum painting over her face. She wondered if he could feel the way her stomach tightened under his hand at the memories. 
"Yeah," she answered simply, the word carried on a warm breath. 
He hummed from behind her, a smug curl on his lips pressing into her shoulder. "Things like that, baby," he explained, "But I started watching things like this after I met you." 
The couple on screen was beginning to find the throes of their passion, now both bare bodied and reaching for one another. There was a part of (Y/N) that wanted to shy away at the sight of two strangers and their naked bodies, their recording of an intimate moment not sitting right in her stomach. There was another part of her that imagined Harry sitting down, pants to his thighs and his hand in his lap, picturing she and him in these spots instead as he fisted his cock. That part of her kept her from drawing her eyes away, urging her to see what he did—see what held his attention while waiting for her to be ready for more than easy touching and kisses in his bedroom.
Her mouth felt dry when she tried to speak again, only to be cut off when Harry's palm grazed the waist of her panties. Though she was still only feeling his touch through her shirt, she was sure he could feel the extra groove of fabric and the tightening of her abdomen. Only that much further, and he could fit his hand between her legs just like the man on screen was doing to his own lover. 
"Wh-Why?" she asked, building off of his previous response to keep herself from melting and begging for him to touch her when they had barely just started. 
Hooking his ankle around hers, Harry started pulling her that much more into his embrace. The sheets around them hissed over their bodies, his phone wobbling from its upright position against the pillow though it didn't fall. He pushed his thigh between her own, opening up her legs with the hem of her oversized shirt being pushed up and over her thighs. 
"I liked the idea of going slow, after I met you, love," he detailed, no longer playing around when he finally slid his hand over her form and slipped it under the end of her top, "Didn't really get off on the thought of fucking you as much as I did to kissing you and making y'happy." 
(Y/N) all but melted at his explanation. She reveled in the sound of his voice, mixing with the soft sound of the couple on screen finding their own bliss within one another. Through her hooded gaze, it was easy to see the lovers on his phone as she and Harry, the daydream building around her. 
In a tug back down to earth, (Y/N)'s breath caught when Harry fit his hand between her thighs. His wandering touch had finally reached her, pressing the heel of his palm against her clit and the length of his fingers down her center. She was sure he could feel the heat that had collected there, though she hoped she hadn't completely soaked through her underwear that quickly. 
"Y'like it so far?" he asked, pressing his palm that much harder against her clit. 
"Uh-huh," she breathlessly replied. Her hooded eyes were glued to the sight of the way the man positioned himself above her, thighs open for him to fit between. She could hear him murmur something to her, passing a hand over her form with fingertips skating across her breasts and down to the round of her hips. Every touch was careful and clinging, the sound of their kissing soundtracking the moment. "He reminds me of you." 
He hummed from behind her, his hand beginning to shift over her core in a delicate press to draw away her breath. "Yeah?" 
"Yeah," she answered, eyes stitched to the video as the man sunk his cock into his lover, a shrill whine leaving her lips while he settled against her hips. His tattoos quivered as his muscles flexed under his skin, making the stars and constellations inked over his skin dance. "You're better, but," (Y/N) swallowed, hearing the quiet slap of his skin against the woman's as he thrusted against her, "He touches her like you touch me." 
Harry's response came in the form of languid touches that warmed her skin and kept her breathless even when her eyes closed and the video was an afterthought. Underneath her, he fit his free arm to coil around her form. His thigh between her two tensed, lifting just enough so he could spread her own legs enough to give her what she wanted. 
Hooking his fingers into her panties, he pulled them to the side, a cool shiver going up (Y/N)'s spine now that she was exposed to his touch. He dragged his fingertips through her slit, collecting the drops of slick until he circled around her clit in languorous pulls. 
She had never been so thankful for the stretched out neckline of her top as she was then, when she felt Harry's heavy kisses searing into her bare skin. There was so much of him all over, pressing into her back with his cock hard against her, his kiss on her shoulder, and his hand on her core, pulling more and more air out of her lungs. 
"You know how many times I thought about doing that to you, baby?" he drawled into her skin, syrupy and thick into her pores, "Before y'were ready, this was all I had. Had to picture you letting me spread you out like that, feel how wet you were jus' for me." 
With his hand between her thighs, slick fingertips on her clit before they traveled down towards her pulsing opening, she could have cried for him. She had been depriving him of this, leaving him to only watch videos and imagine, when they could have been doing this so much sooner. She wasn't sure at times—especially at one like this—how she had even made it through without his touch. 
"I'm sorry," she stuttered out for him, her hand grasping at sheets, "Yo-You should have told me." 
A rumble of laughter was felt against her back as much as she heard the sound fan to her ears. "Don't be sorry, lovebug, y'jus' weren't ready yet, that's all. I think we're making up for it jus' fine, don't you?" 
She could only nod her head, forcing her eyes to blink open. It was a task given the fact that she was still luxuriating in the tease of his fingers passing over her entrance before smearing her clit and restarting the circuit. Looking ahead, she had seen that the couple on film was thick in their session, breathless, the man straining himself as he set a controlled pace while thrusting into his partner with the woman grasping and reaching for any part of him she could reach. Watching the way the man's skin turned pink in the wake of her nails made (Y/N) want to do the same to Harry—what would the roses on his chest and the butterfly on his torso look like filled in with a bit of color? 
"I want to see you," she blurted out, unable to hold back anymore. She didn't care much for the movie anymore anyway, he was what she wanted. This video would probably still be there later, they could explore more later, if she really wanted. 
A teasing smile could be heard in his voice, the notion making (Y/N) want to feel embarrassed through she didn't have much room for that given the way she was rutting into his hand. "Y'don't want to keep watching? I thought y'liked it, love? Liked him?" 
"I like you," she countered, already turning in his arms despite the coil of his hold around her, "I want to see you now. You're better." 
He didn't put up any more teasing argument, instead helping her as she twisted and turned in his arms until his phone was forgotten in the tufts of the duvet and she had her lips pressed to his. His and that had been between her legs was now stationed at her hip, his fingertips denting into the plush skin as she melted into him. A sigh of something that felt like relief to (Y/N) slipped from her throat.
Harry parted his lips, swiping his tongue across the seam of her mouth, tasting her noises. Reaching for his bare shoulders, (Y/N) wasn't even thinking before she had the blunt of her nails pressing to his skin, just like the woman in the video. (Who must have been having a good time given the faint noises (Y/N) could still hear among the folds of their bedding). 
She readily opened her mouth for him to slip his tongue inside, eager to get a state of him. He led her through the kiss, pressing his tongue to hers and tasting through every delicate moan and breathy exhale she gave. 
This was definitely better than watching a video. 
"Harry," she mumbled into his kiss, barely enunciating before she was urging to press her lips to his once more. 
He smiled against her mouth, allowing a small slew of her excited kisses to hit him before he pulled away enough to meet her eyes. His pupils were wide and dark, leaving only slices of murky green to ring around them. There was a flush over his cheeks, warm and red that matched the hue of his kiss-swollen lips. She couldn't help her eyes but to follow the tip of his tongue as it peeked out to wet his lips. 
"What do y'want from me love?" 
Her answer was automatic: "You." 
(Y/N)'s gaze was drawn to the dimple that was thumbed into his cheek as a lopsided curl took his lips. "I know," he said, much too smug, "But do y'want me to keep touching you? Or do y'want more, love? Gotta tell me or I can't help you."
Her mind flashed to the vision of the man fitting his hips against his lover's like a puzzle piece, sinking inside her and straining his muscles to making the best pace for her. That was what (Y/N) wanted. 
"I want more," she told him, her voice a whisper between just the two of them, "Like the video."
Harry drew closer towards he, his smile fading as the blunt of his teeth sunk into his bottom lip. "I can do that for you, baby. Do you think you're ready for me, or do y'need a little more?" 
She shook her head on instinct. "I'm ready." 
Tipping his chin, Harry pulled her into another languid kiss with his tongue touching over her lips. His kiss was a welcome distraction while his hand reached for the waist of her panties underneath the hem of her top. He pushed them down her thighs as far as he could before he was forced to break their kiss to help ease them off the rest of the way. (Y/N) felt clingy for him in that moment, already missing his touch and warmth. It wasn't much longer that he pulled his own underwear off, everything landing into a pile on the floor, before he was laying himself atop her. 
Much like the movie, she swore their hips fit like puzzle pieces together, the bones cushioned by plush skin. She reached for his arms reflexively, though she hadn't meant to grip him so tightly until she felt the head of his cock nudge against her clit. Her lungs squeezed with a coiled ribbon cinching around her stomach. 
Above her, Harry was like an angel. His eyes were bare from his usual liner, though there were still the stark black additions of his nose and lip rings pierced through his face. His skin was flushed and warm, cheeks matching his bright eyes. Around his features, his curls hung around in waved strands and curled ringlets. It wasn't the first time she had seen him like this and wondered if he was the true angel between the two. 
"Still feel good, love?" he asked, his hands fisted into anchors on either side of her head. 
Matching the intensity of his eye contact, (Y/N) kept herself from shrugging her hips against his own, wanting of feel along heavy brush of his cock against her center. "Uh-huh," she sounded, throat dry, "Please."
 Only a glimpse of his smile could be seen before he was dipping down to draw her in for another kiss. He sealed his mouth to hers, kissing her top lip delicately with the soft sounds of their lips parting and coming together to fill the room. 
For a moment, (Y/N) wondered if they would look like that couple if they were on film. If their love, and the gentle touches, and the shared heartspace could be seen just as easily. She liked to think they would do it even better. 
One of his hands on the bed disappeared, the mattress shifting without the weight, before she felt it again over the small of her stomach. It was nothing more than a soft brush before he had his fist wrapped around his cock, guiding himself inside her. The head brushed against her clit in a heavy press; she couldn't tell if she was more wet than she thought or if he had been pearling dots of precum from his tip while she was preoccupied. 
He slid his tip through her folds until he hit the pulsing entrance nestled inside. (Y/N) shivered, letting out small noise into his mouth. She could tell her was becoming distracted, his kiss slowing until he was doing nothing other than focusing on the slid of his cock through her wetness, socking in her until he finally pressed forward. 
It was a familiar stretch, the head fitting inside her, but it still took her breath away. Especially now that their box of condoms was pushed to the back of his bedside drawer, barely used unless she asked, she was able to feel every ridge and vein on his cock. She felt more and more full with every inch pushed inside her, her walls pulling him in while she attempted to keep kissing him before giving up on the act in favor of simply resting her parted lips against his own.
Harry's guiding hand had shifted to lay on her hip, his touch a bit slick though neither of them minded. He was just as lost in the feeling as he was with the way he let out shuddering breaths with stilted lungs, his hand on the other side of her head now holding a tremor. His breath came out in warm fans over her features, heating her that much further. 
He bottomed out with a wet sound of his cock sliding through her walls, his base resting heavy against her clit. (Y/N)'s hold on his arms tightened at the feeling, nails leaving imprints on his skin. 
Her heartbeat bubbled in her ears as she got her bearings, coming to with a flutter of her eyes only to see harry already looking at her with his own hooded gaze. 
"You alright?" he breathed, dilated eyes scanning over her features, "Do y'need me to wait?" 
"No, no," she bubbled off, "Please, daddy." 
That was all he seemingly needed to hear—the whine of her voice and his title so lovingly mentioned—before Harry was rearing his hips back and pressing into her once more. He split her open, her walls stretching and opening for him to fit inside with every languid thrust. The first few took her breath away, getting used to the feeling of the friction and every part of her body being fulfilled by him. 
"Daddy," she helplessly called out, her voice a shared secret for just the two of them. The sheets hissed around them, matching her volume. 
Harry watched her form above as she struggled to keep her eyes from closing. She wanted to see him; this is what she had been wanting when she decided to ditch the movie. She wanted to watch him the way they had watched the couple. 
"'M here, baby. 'M here," he murmured, his voice dropping low as his mouth fell into a gape. "Feel so good, love—fuck." 
Spurred on by his praise, (Y/N) hiked her this over his hip, the heel of her foot pressing into the back of his thigh. Her plush skin gave way to the angles of his body, cushioning him as he drove his hips into hers in lingering passes. His hand on her hip shifted then, dragging her sleep shirt the rest of the way up until her bare breasts were exposed to the heat of the room. 
His palm dragged over the swell, her nipple catching on the creases of his skin. Goosebumps erupted over her form, her lashes fluttering at the touch. Harry dipped his head down, pressing his lips to her other breast, the tip of his nose skimming across before he wrapped his mouth around her nipple. His tongue touched over the bud, warming her though she could feel the skin tightening in response. He matched the pace of his wandering touch on her other breast, allowing her to feel him in every place she needed. 
Almost. 
Feeling the base of his cock press against her clit wasn't enough. She needed more than that fleeting touch against her, more than just the harsh smear over her weeping center. 
"Daddy, I—" she cried out, her words evaporating when she felt him twitch inside her. 
"'S okay," he shushed her, his mouth popping off of her nipple before he dragged his kisses towards her collarbone, "'M here, baby. I'll give y'anything y'want." 
His words were nothing more than smeared rambles, but they sank perfectly into her brain. He was here—he had her. He wasn't a silly video, he was real and she could feel his weight and his touch and even his heartbeat. 
"I want—" she stumbled, her words failing her in the heat of the moment, "I need—Please, touch me." 
"I am touching you, baby," he countered, looking up at her through his lashes before finally leveling his gaze with hers. He hovered above her, his eyes still finding hers even as he jostled her with every thrust into her. "Y'need to tell me what y'want, and then I can help."
"My—It's—"
(Y/N) almost felt panicked, instead reaching for his hand on her breast to push it down to the apex of her thighs. His wrist strained under her hand when he realized when she was directing him towards. That was all the cue he needed before his thumb was smearing over her clit, circling and patting the bud just as she had wanted. 
All but melting into the mattress, the beginnings of a cocky curl fell on his lips. "This was what y'wanted, my love? Coulda jus' told daddy—would have done it for you earlier." 
Maybe it was feeling him splitting her walls open, slick with his precum, his hand on her clit, or the sound of his voice wrapped around his honorific, but (Y/N) could feel the bow in her abdomen tightening. 
She could only whine for him, tightening her fingers around the bones of his wrist as he kept his ministrations up. His skin glimmered in a sheen of sweat, baby curls sticking to his temples as he took care of her just as he promised. 
He caught her looking, matching his eyes to hers when she dared to travel her gaze to his clumped lashes. She expected a curl of his lips, a flash in his eyes, something teasing and smug to enter his expression. Instead, she saw the way his face rounded out, the harsh angles that usually made him up now fading into soft lines and curved edges. 
"I love you," he murmured, "So much, (Y/N). You know that?" 
This was a moment she wished she had on video, exactly from her perspective with every detail memorialized. 
Releasing her hands on his wrist and arm, she settled her palms on his cheeks. Despite the rocking of their forms, the rustling bedsheets, and his phone lost somewhere at seat, (Y/N) almost forgot about everything but his touch. 
"I love you too, honey." 
Something flashed through his gaze then, but it was decidedly softer, more delicate than anything she had ever spotted before. She never called him by many pet names, preferring his name (it was the name of the man she was in love with, she couldn't think of a better thing to call him), but there were moments she thought he might like the extra love falling from her lips.
Harry didn't waste any longer than a beat before he was smearing his lips against hers. The kiss was messy and clumsy, just off center with his tongue swiping out before she was ready, but she loved it. This was what she wanted, what had been on her mind throughout the video. 
He put more of himself into her, his hips picking up pace and his hand on her clit quickening. She felt the press of his chest every time he sank in deep inside her, splitting her walls and making more room for him than she even knew she had. Her insides clenched around him, sucking him deeper every time he sank back inside. The ribbon in her stomach was beginning to fray at the edges, unravelling more and more.
"B-Baby," Harry breathlessly crooned, pulling away just enough so she could hear, "Where do y'want m'cum? 'M al-almost there—fuck." 
She didn't have to think before she was answering him, "Inside, inside. Please, daddy. I want it inside."
There was one more twitch of his cock inside her, his head nudging against what felt like her stomach, before there was nothing left of her to give. The fraying ribbon gave way, spooling too tight inside before falling apart. She shredded around him, feeling like nothing more than glimmering fabric laying in his arms for him to toss and turn whichever way he wanted. She could feel herself grow wetter, Harry's cock slicking through her opening. 
(Y/N) clung to him, her hands on his cheeks keeping him close as she attempted to kiss him through her hazy mind. It was nothing more than her gaped mouth dropped open against his own, nothing more than absent calls of his name falling from her throat. 
Barely, she could hear Harry mumbling a declaration—that he loved her—over and over against her mouth. She felt entirely too full, everything too much, when she realized he was cumming. Just as she had begged, he let go inside her, painting her walls in pumps of his cum that mixed with her own. She wouldn't be surprised to feel the aftermath dripping over her thighs. 
By the time Harry's bedroom came back to fruition around her, (Y/N) wasn't sure if she had been breathing properly since he landed atop her. Everything around her was wispy, not quite real, other than Harry himself. He was a comforting weight, an anchor she clung to. 
Sinking atop her, he rested his cheek on top of her chest. His nose skimmed her throat as he nuzzled closer to her, the length of his lashes tickling her bare chest. 
"Y'alright, love?" he murmured, just as out of breath as she was. 
"Mhm," she hummed, wrapping her arms around him in a clumsy hug, "I love you too, by the way." 
A rumbling laugh fell from his chest. "Love you more." 
With a small kiss being pressed to her sternum, harry began to untangle himself from her hold. He righted her shirt on her torso, covering her chest and keeping out the call that was beginning to seep over their sweat-glimmered skin now that the sheets had slid off of them.
"Where are you going?" she almost whined, reaching for him when he shifted out from between her cushioning hips. 
His smile was tender, affection swimming in his lightening gaze as he looked at her. He brushed a stray hair out of her face, keeping her features clear for his admiration. "We've gotta clean up, love. Can't go to bed like this, can we?" 
Fitting her bottom lip between her teeth, (Y/N) didn't want to answer him. He was right—she needed to use the restroom and find a different pair of underwear for the night, while Harry inevitably searched for new sheets to change the bed into. But she didn't want to do that right now. She didn't want to walk around on wobbly legs, and go through her designated drawer, or anything else. She didn't want to touch anything that wasn't him. 
Instead, (Y/N) clung to him, using her weight to tug him down until he finally relented. Harry gave in with a sigh though he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. 
"Five more minutes, 'kay?" he bargained, cuddling her into him with her face in his throat and chin on the crown of her head. He even tugged the sheet up to blanket their forms once more, keeping her warm before patting her hip through the material.
(Y/N) smiled, pecking a small kiss to his neck. 
"Five more minutes." 
She'd stretch it until ten. 
—————
I finally got around to this request so thank you for everyone bein patient!!!! thank you for reading, sorry for any mistakes and if there's any ideas or requests you have send them in !!!
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angel-of-the-moons · 7 months
Note
Need Steven with a freak. Let’s say he’s been dating this girl for a while and he’s ready to take it to the next step. He’s super worried he’ll make you all uncomfortable and stuff when he asks but the next thing he know he’s being ridden till the break of dawn
(I’m ovulating I am so sorry-)
OMG SAMESIES AND I. AM. ✨FERAL✨ RN
Please
Steven Grant x Fem!Reader
TW/CW: Smut, just smut af, protected sex (implant), oral sex (m!receiving) creampie, overstimulation
MINORS DNI I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CONTENT YOU CONSUME
A/N: This lil dress here is what I had in mind for the outfit in the start. (I'm a sucker for sunflower patterns)
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It had to be tonight. He just couldn't take it anymore. None of them could.
But Steven was the worst about his urges. He felt awkward and worried it would chase you away, the first girlfriend he ever got to finally have; all the others didn't understand his... Problems.
Problems he later learned were triggered by Marc (and in some cases, Jake), but you? You took them in stride, like a duck to water.
The moment he first saw you, his breath had been sucked right out of him. Marc and Jake went dead silent, too.
It was a gloomy, dreary day; the rain coming down in heavy droplets, casting a grim light down on the London streets.
But there you were, walking around the museum, looking at exhibits and scribbling notes in your tiny notebook with oh, so many post-its sticking out, fattening the tiny book until it looked close to bursting.
You were the only ray of sunshine on that day, your yellow dress that hugged your body just right, little sunflowers covering the fabric. Your hair done just the right way to accentuate your face as your eyes studied each artifact and bauble you saw.
To say the boys were instantly smitten was an understatement.
It took weeks of bumping into you to work up the courage to talk to you, and it was only when you came in to buy a rather dinky looking scarab plushie in the gift shop. It's this conversation where he finds out you're in school, trying to become an archaeologist and historian.
Steven's dream girl, and he had hearts in his eyes at every word you spoke.
He couldn't help but blubber out a request for a date, and you agreed.
The rest... History in the making.
You'd been dating for two months, but already he could feel the pull of urges he didn't necessarily indulge in often.
Sure, he, Marc and Jake could indulge in it themselves, trying to take the edge off. But sometimes it felt like the more he indulged in it, the more intense his fantasies got.
He simply couldn't keep tugging his cock for momentary relief anymore, imagining it was your soft hand, your mouth, your tits or something else wrapped around his cock that had him practically drooling: your sweet cunt.
But tonight? Tonight was the night. He was afraid to bring it up because he didn't want you to feel like he was moving too fast; and he could barely function when you admitted you were a little surprised he waited so long. (And teased him a little for how sometimes he just wasn't stealthy when trying to conceal a surprise boner.)
You'd told him that you thought about him too, and that you were more than willing to let him indulge.
But it was from there that you found out that Steven had never actually been intimate with anyone. Jake and Marc had, yes. But poor Steven has just never had the luck.
And that's how Steven found himself in this precarious situation, you on your knees, your pretty little mouth wrapped around his cock as you bobbed your head so sweetly, tongue laving around his length, hollowing and sucking your cheeks with every drag, tracing the vein that ran up the side of him.
He couldn't stop with the babbling praises, the sweet petting in your hair.
Honestly, if you knew he was this weak? You'd have jumped his bones a lot sooner. Probably after the fourth or fifth date. It was rare you found someone who was intellectually a joy to talk to (not excluding Marc and Jake) who was so handsome and sweet to you.
One hand was thrust down into your panties, playing with yourself, dress hiked up so you could have better access as you continue sucking him off, the lewd sounds coming from both of you more suited to a pornography than the quiet air of his flat.
You could feel your orgasm cresting already, but you knew that you didn't want to just cum on your fingers like you had so many times before, you wanted to feel Steven inside of you and god did you want to drain him for everything he had.
Steven made a whine, babbling your name again.
"L-luv, I'm--I'm gonna--ugh--"
He couldn't even get the sentence out before you felt him spill down your throat, his hips bucking suddenly you gagged, carefully adjusting so you didn't choke as he pumped his load into your greedy mouth.
Well... you weren't surprised he didn't last very long...
He immediately started rattling off apologies that had you giggling.
God damn, you were going to enjoy draining him. Maybe Marc and Jake, too.
The blush that spread up to his ears made him look absolutely adorable.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--" He stammered out, covering his face. "In--in your mouth, I--"
With the fluid grace of a cat you climb into his lap, straddling him.
You cup his cheeks and kiss him softly, before pulling away.
"You're alright." You assure him, peppering his adorable face with kisses.
It's when he squeezes your thighs and ruts up into you, his face buried in your neck that you realize he's still hard.
You bite your lip and kiss his ear.
"Steven, do you want me to ride you?"
"Ohgodsyesplease." He breathes out on a whimper.
You hastily line his cock up with your hole and sink down, taking him in inch by delicious inch until you're stretched beautifully around him.
You tip your head back with a groan. He certainly had girth for days, that was for sure.
"I'm... Already close. Can you help me?" You say, giving him a sweet pout that makes his heart jump up into his throat.
"Y-yes, I can--"
The way he keeps cutting himself off makes you want to cuddle him and cover him with kisses, but at the same time fuck him until his legs go numb.
Maybe you'd do the former later.
You pull his fingers into your mouth and he makes a soft moan when you suck his fingers, swirling your tongue around his calloused digits until you deemed them wet enough.
Then, you guide his hand down your body to your throbbing clit, and show him the rhythm that'd work for you best.
"Try to keep it in time with me, m'kay?" You groan, grinding down on him in one slow, languid movement.
His eyes roll back, but he nods and keeps his fingers over your clit, massaging the bundle of nerves in time with each downward stroke of your hips.
Every bit of him had you aching, from his electric touches to his fat cock spearing you open and fucking your weeping pussy in the best way possible, you kicked yourself mentally again for not bringing up sex sooner.
Steven's cock felt far better inside of you than your fingers or your toys at home. He felt hot, he felt real. And real is what you'd been lacking lately.
Whatever Steven would give you, you planned on taking happily. You would--
Your eyes flutter open when Steven suddenly arches his back and hits you deeper than you expected him to; opening your mouth in a quiet cry, no sound escapes as your orgasm hits you and Steven continues swiping at your clit, fucking you from below as you shudder and collapse on top of him as he continues breathing on the hot embers of your orgasm to keep it going for as long as possible.
"Please." He whines in your ear.
"Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease."
"In-inside--" You whimper, biting down on his shoulder, earning a toe-curling moan from him.
"You can do it inside."
He grits his teeth and let's out a hissing cry, veins popping in his neck and forehead as he fucks his spend up into you, his orgasm burning and flaying his nerves raw as he pumps you full.
He drops back onto the cushions of the couch and sofa, breathing hard, desperately trying to drag oxygen back into his lungs.
Reality however, is a cruel mistress and he looks down at where you two were connected.
"Oh, b-bloody hell. I--I didn't--"
"Relax, hon." You giggle, leaning back with one hand braced on one of his knees for support, your other hand trailing lazily down to where his cock still split you open, his cum leaking out around his length. The sight of you sent a dizzying spiral through him.
"I'm safe, promise. I have an implant. Still good for another three years."
The thought that he could keep doing this for three years--
His mind went blank when you grind down on his lap, feeling his cock stir to life despite the fact he was now exhausted.
"L-luv, I... I don't think I can..." He panted desperately.
Your brace your hands on his chest and start bouncing on his lap, grinning wickedly the whole time.
"I'm gonna keep going until I drain you dry, sweetheart. Get comfortable."
The gulp he made was audible in the space you shared, as was the sinful slap of skin on skin.
1K notes · View notes
iwendix · 2 months
Text
DO ME A FAVOR,
GIVE ME A TASTE
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𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: not proofreaded(there's probably misspellings and mistakes but rn I'm too tired to do anything about them😭). smut with just a little bit of a plot. a lot bit of manipulation. fingering, pussy licking, breasts play, teasing, dom!harin, sub!reader, praise kink, praise receiving!reader, good girl!reader, unnie!harin, strap using. reader innocent and harin loves to have control over such a gentle flower, it feels comforting for her.
𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: you always had been in A, but a few months ago this changed, and now on every vote you're a B. were you a perfectionist or did you just want more power and status? who knows. but one thing is clear: you want to become A again and harin can help you with this, and very opportunely, you notice harin’s constant glances at yourself.
you always get the same rank from the very first day that harin started the pyramid game, you never doubted what rank you would get, it was always obvious A. let's say, being the heiress of a rich family was a kind of guarantee of success in voting for you. your carefree life continued for a long time, but suddenly, during the 13th game when you opened the app you saw your name in column B. that's when your eyes widened and fists clenched in annoyance and kinda discomfort. harin, sitting nearby, saw your reaction and the corner of her lips slightly moved up, of course, you didn’t notice that cuz you were too busy with your first “failure” in game. B this is not at all bad for others and you thought the same until today, until for some reason you felt very strong discomfort from such a voting result. yes, it hurts your pride very deeply. you racked your brains for a long time trying to understand why suddenly everything changed so much and you couldn’t return to A. though, the answer was much closer than you could have imagined. knowing that you would be desperate to get the desired result, harin decided to take advantage of this. it was easy to get some people in the class not to vote for you so that you don't get higher than class B. you weren’t stupid, at least not stupid enough to don't understand that the solution to your problem — baek harin, and she’s clearly interested in you, judging by her gaze that linger on you for a little longer than it should.
well, the realization that apparently you're a little more stupid than you initially thought came precisely when you came to harin for "help" in getting back into A rank in game and offered a service in return. expecting harin to ask in return some help with homework or something like that. just how wrong you were...
"a favor in return, you say? I would like to have a taste." harin said as her eyes lingered on your face for a couple of moments before moving a little lower to your chest. her hand gently touches your belly through your shirt, smoothly moves and rises along your silk covered body to your tie. with one confident and decisive move she tugged the tie a little, pulling you towards herself forcing a quiet gasp out of you.
you find yourself in harin’s house, that same day after school she invited you, talking about how the house is empty today and is at their disposal because her parents are on a business trip for work. your unnie’s room was spacious, very simple, but cozy and luxurious. in the dimly light the king-size bed was covered with soft, silky bed linen.
you're on the bed, harin is sitting right behind you, your shirt is already unbuttoned and open enough to give access to your bra and breasts that were almost spilling out of lingerie. first you feel the gentle touch of harin's fingers on your ribs, and then her fingers easily crawl under the lace fabric, prying up the hooks of your bra and unfastening it. she touches your already bare breasts, massaging them and then plays with your nipples, pinching and squeezing them, enjoying the soft moan you let out.
"harin-ah...."
she pinched your nipples a little more now making you moan louder and unintentionally back away a little, causing you to feel her chest pressing to your back.
"yes? what is it, hm? do you want to ask unnie for something?" one of her hands continues to play with your breasts not stopping her relentless assault on your nipples and her second hand goes down to your hip bone, squeezing it a little. she leans closer causing a goosebumps to run through your body from how nice and pleasant her warm breath feels on the back of your neck. "do you want me to touch you more, princess?"
when harin squeezes your thigh bone and plays with your breasts, you feel something unfamiliar but almost painfully pleasant and uncomfortable at the same time. it's like a knot is tightening in your lower abdomen and you feel the heat between your legs as well as the wetness starts to seep through your panties.
"yes. i want you to touch me... please. i feel the heat spreading trough my body..." you mutter trying not to sound too inexperienced and eager but failing immediately.
harin changes position a little, lowering your back onto the bed and your head resting on the pillows. the girl sits next to you, lifts your skirt and pulls down your panties, revealing your wet folds to her gaze. harin humms in delight and lightly licks her own lips. harin's fingers lowered to your pussy, collect moisture and smear it over your entrance. just a moment and one of her fingers pushes inside, moving a little.
"oh god, you're so tight... such a perfect girl for me." soon two of her fingers are pushing into your wet cunt, she spreads her fingers and twists them inside, stretching you and making your legs tremble. your moans are so cute, they only arousing harin more, a wet spot soon appears on her own panties too.
"Harin-ah!..." you yelping when she enters you with a third finger and it becomes difficult for you to stay still. a new layer of fun added harin’s tongue that moves circles around your clit, teasing the bundle of nerves. her tongues licks your folds all over, while her fingers pounding into you and now her lips wrap around your clit, starting to suck on it. you arch your back and your whimpers become much more urgent, your voice trembling.
"Unnie... please... I can't... oh my god... I'm gonna... I'm-"
with a wet pop, her fingers leave your pussy, which for a few more seconds tightened around the air trying to return contact. suddenly her tongue probs inside, she alternates between tongue fucking you and sucking your already swollen clit, making slurping sounds, drinking in your juices until you cum undone on her tongue. harin raises her head, and her fingers come to your clit, massaging it and slightly prolonging your orgasm. your eyes met and pleased smirk tugged her lips, seeing how your cheeks have turned red, and beads of sweat appeared on your forehead.
"you're such a good girl, princess. though, we're not done yet. i want to try something else on you." harin's hand reaches to the bedside table from where she takes out a medium-sized strap. she quickly and easily attaches the strap to her hips and positioned herself about you.
"oh, maybe we won't?... I mean, maybe we’ll try another time..." you sound a little nervous and worrying clearly etched on your face.
harin sighs, and pat's your head gently. she speaks, her voice calming and gentle but still gives the feeling of her being in control of the situation. "you don't want to? mm, princess, we can try... It's up to you, hon, but we could try and stop if you want. if you try for me, you'll make me very happy. you want unnie to be happy, right?" her last words, of course, kinda manipulative, but still you can't help but nod a little just unable to say no. harin smirks and raised your legs, bending them at the knees and she positioned the tip of the strap near your pussy still glistening with cum. she takes your hand in her own, gently stroking it and comforting you like that. when you look distracted enough she pushes all the way inside with just one thrust. you whimper in slight pain and squeeze her hand, your breathe catches in your throat. harin doesn’t move her hips for a few seconds, let you get used to the feeling of fullness and stretchiness.
"good girl... see, it wasn't that hard, right? I'm happy with you, princess. I'm so proud of you. such a gentle little flower... but still taking me so good." harin at first began to move her hips smoothly, later picking up speed, thrusting faster and harder. she pulled away and then slamms all the way back inside, hitting the sweet spot inside you. her thrusts were a little irregular but so good... she makes you moan, whimper and beg for more. in the end of the day you're becoming a breathless, blushing mess all hot and bothered, stretche and wet, just lying on the bed, your head on her chest while she plays with your hair
"by the way... as i said before, I'll help you return to A rank, princess."
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landosjpg · 3 months
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‘tis the damn season | ln
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the one where you go back to your hometown just to end up in lando's bed.
lando norris x gender-neutral!reader
word count: ~1.3k
warnings: ex-bf!lando, little bit of angst & fluff, implied smut
note: part 2 of this blurb series i have going on rn, it’s not proofread so there might be some spelling mistakes!
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you looked at the screen of your phone absolutely perplexed, reading the simple conversation over and over again.
"heard you're back in town?"
"i'm sorry, who's this?
"lando."
you couldn't believe that was actually happening.
it had been years since you and lando had last seen each other, or even talked. growing up in the same town, you had been friends since early childhood, and you had grown together with your group of friends.
you also happened to date him for a year before you had decided to move to L.A for your studies, and with him also making his move up to f1, you had decided to call it quits.
and when you left, you never heard of him again.
you had been out of the country for a little over five years, and had never came back til that very christmas. flights from california to england were not only expensive, but also a lot of time; so you had never found yourself in the right state of mind to go back to your hometown, having your family and friends visit you instead some times.
from what your friends had told you, lando had lost contact with everyone in your old friend group, so how on earth did he even findd out?
"my parents told me, they saw your mum at the store yesterday."
the answer to your question came as he double texted at the lack of a reply from your side. you sighed, not sure where he was going with all that.
"just came back a few days ago."
"are you free tonight? haven't seen you in forever."
straight to the point, classic lando.
"can't, i'm staying with my parents. they probably want to have dinner together."
you knew it wasn't a great excuse, but you hoped he would accept it and move on with his life.
part of you wanted to accept his invitation, it had been so long since you had last seen him. as you looked at your screen, you reminisced your relationship with him.
you had dated other people during those years, but even on the other side of the world, you sometimes thought no one would ever make you feel the way he used to do, no one would even know you the way he did.
the rational part of you knew it wasn't a great idea. in the end, you were leaving again in just a few weeks. and you didn't want to go back to your new life with the "what would've been..?" question lingering on your mind.
୨୧
you knew lando could be persuasive. but you thought he wouldn't have much of an effect in you after so many years.
silly you.
he had convinced you to come over to his place in the matter of a few minutes, claiming that his parents were out of town for the weekend and he would appreciate some company.
you parked your car between your old school and the town's church, the place where you and lando would usually meet when you were younger.
sighing, you left your car and started walking the cold streets that led to his house.
the same path you used to follow every other day a few years ago, but this time you weren't sure what was waiting for you there. and it was too late to retreat when you knocked on the door and a smiling lando welcomed you inside from the other side of the door.
he looked different.
more mature, and definitely a lot more handsome than you remembered.
he had ordered something for you two to eat, and with a movie on the background, you talked for hours, time flying by without you even noticing.
you were sat on his couch, one bottle of wine gone during your joyful chatter; and with the alcohol getting to your head, you couldn't stop yourself from leaning into his body, sighing contently.
you looked up at him, a smile creeping up to your lips when you saw him staring back at you.
"what's with this?" you giggled, scratching his chin, amused at his attempt of growing a beard.
"hey," he pretended to be offended, poking on your side with his index, which made you squirm. "it's not that bad."
"i didn't say it was," you answered, "you look hot."
the words slipped out of your mouth before you could ever think about it, and a pink flush quickly painted your cheeks as you mentally slapped yourself.
"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to..." you tried to make the situation less awkward, but his hand cupped your cheek and forced you to look back at him again.
he was leaning into you, and your breath caught in your throat at the proximity between your faces. a deep, shaky breath left your lips as you looked into his piercing eyes.
"is this okay?" he asked, his voice low and husky. and fuck, was it inviting.
you nodded your head, not able to form a proper sentence, or even a word. and he broke the distance between your lips, crashing his mouth against yours in a soft, tender kiss.
you sighed against his mouth before you let you hands and lips do all the talking and soon he was guiding you into his room with his arms around your waist.
୨୧
a few hours later you found yourself walking back into his room, your hair messy as you put your clothes back on. he smiled at you from under the covers, having gotten in bed already.
you chuckled at the sight of him, tucked under the blankets with messy curls and sleepy eyes. and it reminded you of all the previous times you had spent with him in that very same bed, your heart growing fond of the sight before you.
"you're not staying?" his question caught you by surprise, making you stop gathering your things to turn to look at him.
"what?"
"you're not staying?" he repeated, as if you hadn't heard him the first time. but you were still as surprised.
"no," you simply mumbled, sitting on the edge of his bed to put your boots back on.
"come on, y/n," you felt his weigth shifting closer to you, his arm wrapping around your waist and his lips pressing a tender kiss on your hip, over your jeans.
it wasn't a good idea, spending the night with him. you knew that much.
"it's late and it's cold outside, you can leave in the morning," he added, not letting you reject his offer again.
and the softness of his voice with the puppy eyes he was giving you, could've made you do anything he asked for.
he smiled when you didn't reply, knowing that you weren't going to turn him down again. you rolled your eyes with a smile and changed into the shirt he was offering for you to be more comfortable.
his shirt.
and you knew you shouldn't have come to his house in the first place. you knew you shouldn't have slept with him and surely, you should've left instead of crawling back into his arms, letting the warmth of his body envelop you as you lied with your head on his chest.
because you knew you would leave again in only a few weeks; and having a taste of what could've been if you didn't run away years earlier would only lead to breaking your very own heart.
but you sighed and snuggled closer to him, nuzzling your face on his chest and allowing yourself to be his, just for the weekend.
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garbinge · 1 year
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Clean Cut
Tim Bradford x F!Nurse!Reader
Warnings: Mentions of bullets, war, shrapnel, anxiety, worry, car accidents. Slightly angsty. 
Word Count: 1.2k 
A/N: Okay so I just caught up with all The Rookie seasons and I’m just LIVING for Chenford. Like LIVING. buuuuuut I noticed there wasn’t much Tim x Reader fic out there soooooo I figured why not! This idea came to my head at some point when I was watching and I also have like a whole story of their life beyond and before this moment but enjoy this little reworked snippet from 2x08. 
The Rookie Taglist: @drabbles-mc @justreblogginfics​
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It had felt like a long day already and you had only been clocked in at the hospital for two hours. You still had 10 hours left in your shift and it felt like you experienced a whole day’s worth already. Being a corpsman for a Marine squad prepared you for a lot but sometimes the uniqueness of LA and the people who resided in it and tended to need your RN medical services at St. Stevens ran you for your money. 
Currently, you were updating patient charts during the lull that was likely to last all of two seconds but it beat staying an extra hour to finish your paperwork likely unpaid because the hospital rarely approved overtime for RNs. 
“Wanna tell me why it’s so crazy for a Tuesday?” 
The statement from your coworker caused you to look at them over your shoulder and let out a laugh. 
“I wish I had an answer to that, but I also feel like anything I say will jinx it even more.” You pushed the computer cart against the wall and moved over to your coworkers cart. “You’ve got like 15 pages here, what is this?” You picked up the manila folder that was larger than your normal ER patient folders. 
“Police car accident. There’s a few of them in the ER right now, these things always include tons of paperwork. Everyone needs to cover their asses.” 
Your heart started to beat faster at the mention of a police accident but what really caused you to go into panic mode was seeing your husband's name on the report. 
Before you could even answer your co-worker you were moving down the stairs, knowing the elevator would take too long. You knew the elevator would probably be quicker but the thought of standing still while you waited for and in it would drive your mind crazy so rushing down the stairs was the better alternative. 
Tim was sitting on one of the ER beds, the scene of it caused you to stop for a minute. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen Tim hurt waiting to be treated. In all honesty this was probably the tamest medical treatment scenario you two had been in together. He looked fine from afar, but that didn’t stop the worry from boiling in your gut. 
“What happened?” You were next to him within seconds, the worry being the fuel of moving you from the staircase entrance to his side in seconds. 
“I rear ended a civilian.” Tim knew better than to try and calm you down with pleasantries and relaxing mantras. 
“Jesus.” Your hand moved to your pocket in search of your pen light. Quickly, you flashed it in front of his eyes, searching for his eyes to constrict and then dilate when you moved the light away. 
“They already did this.” Tim’s voice was neutral, but you knew he was annoyed. 
“Humor me.” Your head tilted, now your own annoyance was clear to him. 
His eyes softened as they met yours and he nodded which gave you the okay to keep running through the trauma checklist in your head. 
“This isn’t like you.” Tim said after a few minutes of silence between you as he humored you by lifting up his arms as you pressed down on his ribs and checked his reflexes. 
“In what way?” You talked as you continued to look him over. 
“I’ve come home and told you I’ve gotten shot at and you barely react, I tell you that I got into a car accident and you’re acting like I have internal bleeding.” Tim’s eyebrows raised. 
“Did they do a CT scan? You could have internal bleeding. Especially if the airbags went off.” 
“Doc.” The use of the nickname only 13 people in the world knew you as caused you to stop your examination of Tim and stand in front of him, slightly defeated. 
“If I worried about every close call you encounter everyday, I’d be dysfunctional. This.” You pointed towards him and the bed, “This is tangible. This actually happened.” 
Tim nodded and a smirk slightly filled his face. 
“You doubtin’ me, Sarge?” You frowned as you asked him, using your own nickname for him. 
“No,” Tim let out a chuckle and shook his head before looking back up at you. “I know better than to ever doubt you.” 
“Smart man.” Officer Lopez walked up to the two of you with a smile. “How’s he doin’?” She looked between the both of you. 
“He’s fine. No signs of a concussion,” you looked at Angela and then back at Tim, “and no signs of internal bleeding.” You smirked at him knowing he was going to give you one back. 
“Give us a minute, Lopez?” Tim stood up and ripped the hospital bracelet off his wrist. 
“Yea, just wanted to let you know the break lights were cut in the car you hit, foul play, you’ll likely be in the clear.” She explained while looking at the both of you, relief coming as a sigh from both you and Tim. “I’ll be in the lobby.” She nodded at him and squeezed your arm to say goodbye before leaving the ER. 
“We goin’ back to the conversation we were having or a new one?” You asked Tim as he towered over you. 
“You pulled shrapnel out of my abdomen in Afghanistan and you look more worried checking me for a concussion.” Tim said with his arms crossed. “What’s going on?” 
“Nothing.” Your one worded answer wasn’t convincing.
“Don’t lie to me.” Tim said more seriously than any of his other statements. 
You sighed, “Like I said, this is tangible. In Afghanistan, we weren’t exactly given the space to worry. Here, I feel like it’s all I have to hold onto. But again, if I held onto every worry I’d be dysfunctional. I know you can handle yourself when bullets are flying, when shit goes sideways, it’s these out of your control scenarios that just get me flustered.” You explained moving your hands around as you talked. 
Tim brought you in for a hug, knowing nothing he’d say could change anything. “You do realize, I’m the one that rear-ended the civilian, not the other way around, right? Totally in my control.” He teased you. 
“Not according to Angela.” You corrected him and he chuckled. 
“I’ll see you tonight.” He placed a quick kiss on the top of your head. 
“See you tonight, I already texted Angela all the concussion signs in case we missed anything.” Letting your last bit of worry out. 
“You haven’t missed a single diagnosis or injury since I met you, Doc!” He called out from a few feet from you. 
“You know, I’m technically not a doc, anymore, Sarge!” You yelled out to him. 
He turned around with his arms up as he continued to walk backwards. “And I’m not technically a Sargeant anymore.” 
“Old habits die hard!” You yelled back just before the elevator doors opened and he stepped backwards into the elevator flashing you a quick smile before the doors closed and he was back on duty.
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natriae · 1 year
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MINORS DNI
A/N: on my ushiwaka grind rn i love him
i fully believe that Ushi is not good at sex especially not the first time. He has no idea what he's doing.
He understood sex jokes in highschool but he just didn't know why tendou and the team thought they were so funny. Sex was not on his priority list, so he wasn't ready at all when you started to climb on his lap when you guys were kissing.
Somehow his brain told him to bring you closer, so he did just that, but you could feel the hesitancy.
"'toshi we don't have you," you tried to comfort the strong man.
"n-no i want to," but you knew deep down he was just saying what he thought was right based on what he heard in the locker room.
Safe to say you guys didn't have sex that night, but you did your best to make sure toshi didn't feel uncomfortable or feel bad for leaving you "high and dry". His therapist taught him that communication was very important to a relationship, so you were thankful he was blunt and clear with his feelings. He didn't want to mess up, or cum at the wrong moment.
You knew Toshi was a virgin but not because he was so worried about preforming wrong. Volleyball came easy for him but he always had to put a little more work into your relationship especially after seeing his parents. He wanted to treat you like a princess, and if he knew he couldn't provide you in some way he'd find someone else to do better.
"Toshi I don't care if any of that happens. It will be our first time. It won't be perfect. Just like Volleyball you practice all the time to make sure your skills grow."
"you're right, but can we still wait a bit?"
"of course, goodnight baby."
~
From that day toshi did as much research as he could to learn how to "preform" well during sex. He read blogs, he even asked Kageyama for help which lead to a very awkward stare off.
When the real thing happened he needed lots of help. You directed him to your clit, and things that made you feel good. Seeing his small smile brought you more pleasure then the sex itself. And Toshi was beyond proud of himself, but his confidence lowered when it was time for him to take his dick out. What if it doesn't fit? What if it doesn't feel good for you? He won't even be able to look at you in the face if he-
He feels you grab his face, "toshi look at me,". seeing your eyes look so deeply into his was enough for him to begin pushing it in.
Yes he did cum before you, but he kept going till he was overstimulated because he wanted to be perfect for you. Train himself to hold it till you came.
You ended up faking an orgasm because toshi looked to be in pain, but he doesn't need to know that.
So no Ushijima Wakatoshi is not good at sex, but he will practice just for you. And you are glad he was willing to step out of his comfort zone for you.
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stararch4ngelqueen · 6 months
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Jason slow dancing with you in the kitchen, something fluffy like that please!
Fighting sleep rn so this is perfect. You’re also getting teasing Jason for free. And a ton of other unnecessary details cause I got way too into it.
Time written - 11:42 p.m
“Why’re you out of bed, babe?” A bedraggled Jason greeted your weary, squinting eyes as they got used to the kitchen lighting.
“Couldn’t sleep,” you whisper, exhaustion heavy on your tone despite your body’s refusal to succumb to it. Jason settled himself back against the counter beside the stove, continuously watching over a small pot while scrolling over mindless articles over his phone.
“C’mere.” Jason offers an arm towards you, watching your oversized shirt clad body trudge across cold tile floor to get to him. He hugs you close, your cheek hearing the drum of his steady heart as you relax against his chest, your body easing in his embrace.
“What’re you making?”
“Warming you up some milk,” Jason murmurs into your hair, rubbing soothing motions along the small of your back. The lack of sleep wasn’t new, mostly due to your persistence on waiting on him after his patrol nights ended. He felt guilty, choosing to stay extra hours to make sure you kept yourself asleep.
He didn’t mind it. He preferred you over the cold streets on a November midnight.
“Gotta treat my baby like a baby and make her a bottle.”
“Shut up,” you scoff with a smile, knowing he’d take it as an amusing compliment. He enjoyed making you laugh as much as he did taking care of you.
Your preferred milk with a dash of cinnamon and chamomile honey slowly came to a simmer on the stove, awaiting a spoonful of cocoa powder. You’ll ask if it was Alfred’s idea to having hot chocolate instead of warm milk for sleep, he’ll shrug and tell you he saw it once on a cheesy Hallmark channel.
Jason closes his eyes, a slight smile growing on his face.
“Tell me something,” he whispers, his voice still quiet, rough, and tired, the late hour shown in bright green digital numbers on the stove clock.
“Hm?”
“Just… say anything. You don’t have to put any thought behind it. I just wanna hear your voice… okay?”
You had no understanding to the reason, only coming up with him wanting to tire you out just by talking lots of nonsense. You could do that, sometimes that’s your specialty.
“Okay,” you reply, saying the first words that came to mind after taking a sigh.
“When was the last time we had Dino chicken nuggets? We’re grown adults, what’s really stopping us from eating them?”
Jason starts to chuckle a little, then his laughter grows just a little louder. He cradled you closer to body, his arms still snug around your waist. What a silly thing to say, even when that’s exactly what he had asked for.
“No, no, it’s true. Why do kids get to claim all the tasty snack food?” He chuckles, gently swaying you from side to side, not even making much of an attempt to move his feet.
“One of these days… let’s just eat like little kids for a day.” You suggest, your voice growing a bit thick with exhaustion. “Hot chocolate and dino nuggets, and we can just stay in bed. It’ll be a nice break, don’t you think? So you don’t have to be Red Hood all the time.”
He lowers his head a little, stray tufts of hair tickling your face while his lips plant gentle kisses along your neck. His heart hurts a little bit from that little desire deep in your chest to have him home more, to be a proper boyfriend and cradle you in your dreams, just as he did now.
“Yeah? I don’t mind that,” Jason says, keeping you blanketed in the safety of his embrace, slowly shifting weight along his feet to sway you with him a little more.
“You ever danced before, sweetheart?”
“Hm?” Your head tilts a bit. “No, not like this.”
“Is it making you sleepy?” He asks, catching the quirk in the corner of your lip.
“You rocking me like a baby?”
“Can see its working,” He snickers, kissing the top of your forehead. His little sleeping beauty, nestled in the arms of a crimson beast.
“Tell me more,” he whispers, raspy voice growing both soothing and quiet. “Keep talking. I wanna listen to you.”
Your head shifts, your lips muffled against his chest, amusing him with a complete lack of understanding.
“What’s that, baby?”
“You’re not home as much a lot of nights.”
Jason exhales, feeling his lungs deflating while he spares a hand to cradle the back of your neck and runs through your hair.
“I know Princess,” he responds, voice growing softer.
Then, he goes silent for a moment—as if he’s thinking of what to say next.
“D’you miss me when I’m not home?” he whispers, his voice soft and curious.
“I always do,” you admit, trailing your fingers all along his silvery scarred chest.
A light smile pulls at the side of his lips, feeling his pessimistic thoughts satiated for the time being.
He brings his hand up to your chin, caressing it softly with his thumb before tilting it upwards to get a good look at you.
“You know,” Jason responds, “I think I miss you the most when I’m not home.”
His voice is soft, as if he doesn’t want to be so vulnerable about this. This routine is something he can’t control sometimes, no matter how much he wanted to. Little nights like these where he could vanish from sight just to spend a couple extra hours with you was the greatest luxury he could ever want from the universe.
Time was the most precious possession that always slipped out of reach, he treasured every second of it with you.
“You’re always on my mind, babygirl. Try not to forget that.” As he’s saying this, he can’t help but tilt his head and kiss your forehead.
“M’tired,” you whine before opening your eyes, unaware when you had even closed them. He glances back to the stove before shutting off the burner, acknowledging he could at least save the mouthwatering concoction for breakfast in the morning.
“Too tired to wait for your bottle, huh?”
“Stooop.” You groan against the crook between his neck and shoulder, feeling the rumble of his amusement along his chest. “God, I hate you.”
“Hate me in the morning, babygirl,” he muses before slipping his arm under your knees, hoisting you up in his embrace to carry you back to bed.
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invidiia · 11 months
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❐ - yandere!dazai and yandere!chuuya comforting the reader on their period
notes ; headcanons for anyone else who on their period rn </3 the worst thing ever tbh.. this is kinda self indulgent
prompt ; dazai and chuuya's (separate) darling gets their period and they comfort them
warnings ; yandere themes, blood, kidnapped!reader, drugging, ada!dazai, soft!yan chuuya and dazai, mentions of sex but no actual doing it, mention of stalking, afab reader, toxic relationships
masterlist - rules - last post
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dazai ::
it's not like you can hide your period from dazai, especially if he kidnapped you.
dazai doesn't know a ton about periods - sure, he knows that they existed, but he didn't think the situation through when he first kidnapped you. he didn't buy pads or anything in advance when he first decided to take you for himself, so when he woke up to see blood on the sheets under you, dazai was a tiny bit surprised.
but not entirely - he should have known the time of your month would roll around soon enough. dazai wasn't mad or upset at all.
"ah.. belladonna, why didn't you tell me about this? no, i'm not mad at you! i think this means no sex for.. how long?! i don't think i'll surviivee~!"
just ignore his wailing and you'll probably be fine
dazai's not actually upset, he really does wanna help you. he'll wrap you in a blanket while he goes to leave for the store, poking your cheek and smiling a little too softly while he tells you to be good while he's gone
he doesn't have bad intentions or anything, he's just being overly nice to you because he just feels like it
he comes back from the store with whatever you neeed, he probably asked a female member of the agency or a worker or someone else who knew what to get for you, because there is absolutely no way in hell he actually knows what to buy
but he definitely came back with a few things that you liked!! no point in asking how he knew you liked the stuff, because he'll just say he stalked you, and that might just make you more uncomfortable. best not to question him!!
he sees your cramp pain as an excuse to hold and touch you more. he doesn't care that you're bleeding the entire time, dazai just likes that he can hold you!
of course, he realizes that cuddles don't stop the cramping - he just thinks it'll help a lot more. dazai get's super touchy and clingy because he knows that you're less likely to resist. even if you do, he doesn't mind unless you insult him, because then he'll just lock you in the bathroom with water and some of the snacks he bought you to give you some 'alone time.' after about an hour or two, he's sure you'll come back into his arms!! <3
oh, belladonna, i thought you didn't want to cuddle, and now you're holding onto me..? no matter, i'm glad you've finally came around.. is there anything you want?
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chuuya ::
chuuya also knows about periods and what they are, but he knows a little bit more about them than dazai, because he's just him yk?? he's that dude (other than jay from the kubz scouts)
when he first woke up to you next to him with blood under you, he thought you were hurt or something, but then when he woke you up, you had to explain to him that you just got your period and that you were fine.
by your argument, chuuya made a big deal out of it, but by chuuya's, he was just helping you feel better.
"darling, stop movin', i'm just trying to make you feel better.. what? yeah.. yeah, i'll get whatever you want, okay?"
if you yell at him, he'll just give you space. of course he'll still get you what you want, he'll just be.. less doting.
he'll even go as far to ignore you. so while you're wailing in pain from your cramps, chuuya's sitting down comfortably on the couch, reading and paying no attention to your little sobs from the pain of your cramps. it's really just a toxic thing - he doesn't wanna see you in such pain, he really doesn't. but why should he be so kind to you if you don't want to be nice?
i can imagine an argument breaking out between you two, because he can't ignore you forever. if you decide to yell at him again, then he'll just yell back.
chuuya might even just drug you to shut you up, offering you tea or medicine to help you feel better. but five minutes later, you're out like a light while he picks up your body to wrap you up back in blankets.
you'll probably wake up with arms wrapped around your waist with his knee inbetween your thighs. chances are, you're still affected by the drug and too tired to move or push him off. he understands that cuddling doesn't fully stop the cramp pain, but he doesn't care, because all chuuya wants to do is help you.
"don't move.. it's okay. just go back to sleep. i love you, okay?"
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fluorynn · 1 month
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🩻 — 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 | 𝐥. 𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲
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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : lo’ak 〤 omaticayan!reader
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : in which 4 years have passed after the incident. Change was normal to occur, but so was loss and grievance within that change. Change was something that had occurred within the youngest Sully boy when the RDA returned, when he had to flee from home and leave you behind, when the incident happened. When the Sullys returned after two years, Lo’ak instantly seeked for you, yet you’ve noticed he had changed both for the better and worse, and sometimes, most days, it had become for the worst. You’d given him many warnings throughout the year, as both of you have now reached adulthood and have committed to a relationship that at first begun with the constant lovesickness for one another, never ending touches, stolen kisses, but that was when you were mere teenagers, and as time went by, as change and grief and war came upon you, your relationship took a shift. Harsher he became, more reckless, impulsive, ignorant, inconsiderate, yet he promised he’d change for you. After every act and word, he promised to search within himself, within the past to try and find the Lo’ak he once was, the proper mate you deserved soon, the Lo’ak who you adored with your entire soul. Yet if you were to be sincere, you knew that after all these major events that happened to Lo’ak and after the months of not seeing him, he would not be the same, especially after the loss of Neteyam. You wanted to hang onto the sliver of hope, of sanity for yourself, because Lo’ak had not been the only one to have lost something, someone, yet it seemed that everyone always excused him for his behavior, nobody cared, especially Lo’ak. He was constantly out flying, ‘on patrol’, never returning to the hideout the Omaticaya People still had to endure, and his excuses only became more and more unreasonable. His father said the boy’s just under a lot of pressure, Kiri said he’d come around, but Neytiri did not; while she too grief, she too experienced major changes, it did not give her son the excuse to treat you with such heartless behavior. You loved Lo’ak, and you loved him ultimately and beyond compare. You loved him too much however, to the point where it blinded you from seeing the harsh reality that this indeed was not your Lo’ak anymore. The strong substance your people had, he somehow always found a way to consume it, practically reek of it without his family knowing — and you didn’t dare ‘rat’ him out. He wasn’t yours anymore, and every ounce of pain, of grief, of sadness you felt for him soon disintegrated. He was supposed to be your boyfriend, he was supposed to be the one bound to be your mate when the time came. But now, it seemed that he wasn’t suitable for you, and while 14 year old you promised his 14 year old self to never leave, you realized now why promises wound up empty. Everyone reaches a breaking point, and you are now finally acting upon it.
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 / 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 : aged up!lo’ak, ANGST, 18+, thigh riding, fingering, grinding, mild kuru play?, overstimulation, soft!lo’ak, teasing, drinking/alcoholism — lo’ak’s insecure, stubborn, harsh and grieving still but masks it a bit well, reader is slightly sensitive, fed up w him, gives in to one more chance w him tho — italics in dialogue signifies they’re speaking Na’vi!
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : pretty long, lol
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 : @bambithewriter @lilghostiequinni @pandoraslxna @avatarloverfrfr @dvxsja @princess-of-thebes-1995 @strongheartneteyam @talanyra
author’s note : Just in my feelings rn, LMAO. Neteyam series prologue will be posted soon ( hopefully….I just want to make sure it’s good and there’s enough but not too much detail to give away what may happen in future chapters — it’s one of those things where I’ve written the following chapters just not the one I should have actually put time in😭 —) but just thought I’d drop this — Lo’ak lovers, rise up! I hope you like it! Please don’t hesitate to comment, reblogs are appreciated! <33
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“Good. You are up here.” You’re met with his back facing you mere feet away, the unkempt pattern of his stripes and the tense rise of his shoulders is more than enough for you to know it is him, especially when knowing that this spot is the single one reserved for him. Lo'ak Sully was left in a state of utter bewilderment, a feeling he thought he had long surpassed. Over the years, he had honed and heightened each of his senses to such an extent that no ordinary being could startle him anymore. However, you were no ordinary being, and that was precisely what captivated him. Your ability to consistently surprise and astonish him in unexpected ways kept him constantly alert and intrigued.
He gave a subtle glance to the object in his hold – a minor wooden cup filled to the brim with an alcoholic beverage — naer — one the Na’vi can smell before even spotting it for its scent is strong, vigor. At this point, there is no trying to hide or deny it from you. Even if he did try to throw it off the large branches he sat upon, the scent would be there, reeking around and on him. He had given you the vacant promise to back away from it, or very least try to yet make no effort in doing so. This drink that, while it tips one over for a bit of time, it also deprived feelings you could no longer do. Whatever had happened in his life, each burning drop down his throat and to his mind managed to fix for a minimum amount of time. Of course Lo’ak would not give this up – the opportunity to not feel anything to the bone.
“Your father said you did not show up for your training.” Your tone of voice was deficient of its common disappointment and despair, simply uttering as if you didn’t spare a care for it anymore.
“My father should learn to mind his own business and worry more about leading his People and fixing the damage done from the Sky People.” Lo’ak finally spoke, voice curt and Na’vi language gaining a thickness as he heard your subtle footsteps against branches. “I am not a child anymore.”
“You are right. You are not. But he is still your father, he worries for you. So does your mother.” You reminded him as if it were not known, reaching your spot next to his sitting frame only to spot what you’ve already suspected in his hold, taking in his physical state.
“Yeah well, he shouldn’t. He has no reason to, and neither does she.” His quip made your lips squirm down but said nothing as you observed the drink in his hand, the way his ear flitted from his own words, from your words in adding onto that his mother worries. A quirk settled between your browline but held your tongue for you did not want to start some meaningless quarrel. But Lo’ak could feel the distaste radiating from you, how you’re fighting the urge to scold him for his incapability to uphold his fair share of promises. What he doesn’t understand is why have you not done so?
“You look very pretty. Sevin ( pretty ).” He softly stated.
A small smile was all to be offered — one filled with slight remorse. His legs had been dangling down the edge of the thick lodge of glowing branch, and you pondered on doing the same as you’ve always done since you were children; swinging them above the small lake of water at the same pace he would, teasing him with a light nudge of your foot. But this time was different. Instead, you knelt beside him, knees bent beneath you and slightly tilted your body towards him. Lo’ak’s blazing irises scrutinized you the way he typically does, recognizing the strain your shoulders formed, as if you were on edge because of him. So, he took one more small swig of the liquid before his face started inclining forward to plant a light kiss on your lips. One that was fleeting – everything tied or related to Lo’ak was always fleeting.
Lo’ak’s lips very often suffused your mind from thought, so incongruous from right and wrong.
One moment Lo’ak offered his physical affections and pretty words.
The next, not even a split moment, he was causing you to suffer.
You now pondered where exactly this little act would land the both of you in.
You were the first to retract away from Lo’ak, not wanting to fall into his little patterned act. The kind of act of loving Lo’ak too destructively that overflowed everything with a single touch, and tug you back into him.
“What’s wrong?” He inquired, dark brows quirking.
Your coils lightly sway at the head shake given, yet he knew before you could have a chance to verbally utter the lie. “Lying’s not a good look for you.”
“I am not lying.” You were quick to snip out before you could contain your tone, palms pressing into your thighs that indicated the falseness of your words.
“Right.” His eyes rolled and bit, “There’s something you’d like to say?”
You can’t help but blink a few times. This was an opening, to say what was in your chest. “Srane ( yes ).”
A hum of boredom rang through the air. “Could have just said that then. No need to take the hard way around.” His golden eyes were drawn to the liquid in his hold, watching its faint glow swirl with the light flick of his wrist, and you wondered just how far gone was he. Normally, Lo’ak would have some sort of facade going on, one that’s filled with his now dry jokes and teasing smiles despite the fact that the both of you knew it was just a show. Yet now, he was unfazed of your presence as he brought the cup to his lips, throat bobbing with the largest swings he took.
Perhaps if you were standing, you might’ve tipped over and fallen to your death. He simply saw it written in bold letters right across your face. “I am not here to fight with you.” You quietly started.
“Then don’t.”
An exhale flared your cat-like nose at his crossed tone. “Okay, I will not but I am going to need you to drop whatever tone it is you’re trying to achieve with me.” Lo’ak, despite the abrupt changes spiking in him, was still your Lo’ak, so when he heard your warning, his ears pinned down by the sides of his head and eyes strayed to the ground below as an act of regret. This gave you some sliver of hope.
Not necessarily did you want Lo’ak to be unstable or uncertain with himself, it made you quite content that he’s grown into his fierceness. What was bothersome to you were his drastic changes, and it seemed what once went as two souls that twined perfectly for one another was now misplaced — your presence within his life wasn’t necessary any longer. The intoxication he was constantly washed in came with a smell too strong for your liking, too nauseating, too overwhelming for your senses. Tears swelled up in your eyes, yet you contained them. “I had thought you were going to quit.”
“If we’re speaking truthfully, I told you I'd try.” He corrected, smug voice paired with a stupid smirk.
“Hm, and have you?” You retorted and his brows hitched beneath his two thin cascades of braids. “Have you tried to quit?”
“You’ve got proof that I haven’t?” He shot back. You despised this, despised the person he’d become, despise that he seemed to knew precisely what he was doing and didn’t give two fucks about it.
“Let’s see — there’s Kiri, there’s Spider, oh there’s Tuk who tells me this!” Your voice carried a feign sweetness and surprise, watching how his brows crashed together with your sneered words. “This is the brother you wish for them to see? This is the person you want your future People to see, Lo’ak? Their possible future leader, the Tippling Olo’eyktan?”
“And what the hell is it to you, huh? We already know I’m not suit to be Leader.” His spiking temper was one to shut you up, but you did not fail to notice the light lash his tail made. “You’re not my mom, you’re not Tsahik, and you’re certainly not my mate. I don’t need you worrying over me. And I don’t need your constant annoying questions.” Your body shuddered, more so because of the harshness of his tone rather than the biting air. Your knees dug into the branch’s crippled surface, fingers winding into fists as your eyes quickly looked down. Eywa was witness to the sensitivity you’d gain over the years, the years Lo’ak happened to be in.
“It’s not common for some warm body to ask this much from their future Olo’eyktan either.” He added.
Lo’ak’s words striked you with force, causing you to physically and instinctively recoil from the sharp sting of it. The deep slice within your heart, cleanly tearing into two parts. Perhaps in some pieces, some hindsight, it could have been described as that if you didn’t add onto the fact that the both of you grew up together, the fact that he didn’t have the simplicity of courage to call you by the true title he once proudly uttered you as; his. His bound-to-be mate, his girlfriend.
“A warm body? That is all I am to you?” You questioned, and Lo’ak — pondering whether his mistake was to tell you the definition of those words in human terms or perhaps the true, more common mistake he noticed that was clearly etched in his features — gained regret behind those lax-colored eyes of his. But it was masked, tightly trapped beneath this filthy portrayal of pride, egotistical, brash and reckless man. Not even a man, a boy. “Lo’ak!”
Instead of giving you a proper answer, he threw you a side glance, one filled with provocation. The scoff emerging from your throat was inevitable, and you nodded. If this was how he wished to act, then fine. It will make the forthcoming situation much easier for you then. The only way to get through with this was if you treat him as if he was nothing to you. “We must speak.”
Push through the heartache, the pain, the way it tore you apart. You must start to truly see him for who he was in this present moment.
And what you saw was not your Lo’ak.
Lo’ak was listening, you could tell by how his ears slightly flitted up, but he said nothing. Simply awaiting for you to proceed as he took another sip.
“I…” You felt the affliction that tried clawing its way up your throat, your eyes fixating on the ground and you stayed quiet for a while.
“Just spill it already.”
“I have come to say goodbye, Lo’ak.” His slamming shock is beyond thrilling. You had been seeking, some, any type of sign that would prove Lo’ak’s care for you — and perhaps this was the answer; the high perch of his ears, the broadening of his eyes, the hitched breath. Nonetheless, it was too late. He had created his situation, and now he would have to accept the consequences.
“What do you mean g-goodbye?” He stammered, and the cup was now abandoned and falling to the ground that was far below the both of you.
“Ah, so now you can speak!”
“Enough,” he inhaled deeply. “And answer the question.” The audacity this skxawng had. You are firmer with your words “Srane. Goodbye, Lo’ak.”
“And where exactly are you going? And when exactly were you going to tell me?” He spat out in distaste and disapproval, body fully turning towards you.
“The Tipani Clan.” You responded with an edge of sass. “I am telling you right now, aren’t I?”
His response was immediate, loud and he shook his head despite your answer was to be expected, knowing that one of your deceased parents descended from there. “The Tipani Clan? What about—” He halted his sentence from speaking of himself, of how if you left, you’d be tearing apart from him and taking it with you. But fear of vulnerability halted him from doing so, so instead he dodged it. “What about your duties here? I thought you promised to be here for your People in case the Sky People returned. To help rebuild.”
“Lo’ak, I am telling you that I am leaving and all you care about speaking is duty? Are you serious?” He instead looked away from you, too stubborn to answer, so you said his name again. He ignored you.
“Lo’ak, fucking look at me.” It was the rarity of hearing you speak English and the vulgar word thrown in the mix that caught Lo’ak’s attention, gold orbs flickering to you in an instant and you immediately notice the diversity of emotion pooling them.
“So all that matters to you, is my duty to the Omaticaya? For me to not be here as a fixer upper for them? You only care about that being broken? Is that the only thing that matters in that head of yours?”
No. The response was, should have been a fierce no. You were constantly, always in Lo’ak’s head. He yearned for you extravagantly, and besides staying alive for the sake of his family, you were one of the few things he could find himself caring for. There would be many cold and curt swears to never trust, to never care or love after losing someone who not only qualified as a good mate, but a loving one, is what Lo’ak thought, he knew it. If you left him — when you left him, he would be done with it, with the twinge of good, of hope. He’d be completely shut off from ever seeking a mate to be bonded with under Eywa’s will, he would not care of continuing the legacy of his name despite him now being the only son. His heart, the heart you once saw as fearless and strong, would be guarded by much thicker, massive walls, and that small space would only become constricted by the waves of his tears. While you were everything to him, you were not sufficient enough to spare him the grief. At least not alone.
While he has grown, while he has sculpted his abilities and became nearly as mighty as his big brother, under all that was still a broken, hurt boy filled with guilt. He could not allow himself to get rid of that part of himself. He could not shed enough tears to move past everything that happened, that he had seen and lost.
Lo’ak loved you, he was deeply in love with you. And perhaps another thing that has changed was that he could not depend everything on you, and instead needed other things, distractions despite it being selfish. He needed to fly because it could get him away from the ground and connect to the closest thing that felt like Neteyam, he needed to drown himself in that alcohol the Na’vi made because it drowned away all the pain and misery his family went through and still hold, the burden to try and add up to something, someone he will never be able to fill. But while he’s engulfed himself in all that, he could pretend that his family wasn’t broken. That it was the same, once happy family it once was 5 years ago. The one that still had Neteyam’s presence, the one that still had a father rather than a commanding leader. In this minor haven of numbness, he could still pretend that those once fond memories were fresh, remembered the way they were supposed to be reminisced. He could not just let it go.
Meanwhile, Lo’ak’s silence was tearing you apart, fragmenting your heart into pieces. But now you knew, you saw the truth. You could not keep a desperate grasp around old words and acts anymore, for now they were faint. Empty. Pointless gifts of a said courting that was going nowhere. Loving phrases and charming grins he more than knew could accomplish in capturing your heart.
But now it was clear as day that it meant nothing to Lo’ak. You meant nothing to Lo’ak. He did not love you as much as you loved him.
His throat cleared, and thickly spoke in English. “Your place is here, Y/N.” His eyes refused to meet yours, jaw narrowed enough to demonstrate he was clearly upset, though you’re not certain why.
“It was.” The correction you gave his words finally made everything click. His gaze lingered on the lake’s neon glow before lifting to look at you, trying to catch your own. The pretty decorated braids that framed his face moved with the motion of his head slanting to the side. He repeated your word, squinting before shaking his head and more so whispering to himself, “You’re leaving.”
Sharply exhaling, you finally uttered, “I am also here to end things between us, Lo’ak.”
Again, he was bewildered, and the cut breath he released made it known. Eyes darted over each feature upon your face, as if trying to commit it all into his memory, panic slowly seeping within him. “Can…I can say something, right?” His tone still carried its infamous jeer, but you suppose that was the last you deserved. You were the first to engage in this conversation. When you grant him the permission to speak, he wasted no second in taking advantage of it.
“W-where’s this coming from?”
You’re more than certain more inquiries will follow, and one or two questions will satisfy his little interrogation.
“What’s the motive behind all this, huh? How long you’ve been planning this, to leave me?” Lo’ak’s voice was one that never faltered nowadays — he, much like his father, was a fierce speaker. You knew that Lo’ak did not like to be kept in the unknown, in hiding. But now his voice was rather meek. His once honed gaze turned rounder, emphasizing that he may cry. What you despised most in this moment, was that it unphased you. Before this, all the trouble and conflict spiking between you and your Lo’ak, his tears were your least favorite thing in this entire existence. Out of everyone, you once believed Lo’ak was the least of them all to deserve the brim of tears. That he deserved happiness. The sight of them always managed to tear you bit by bit with every fallen droplet, and now it hardly mattered. While you do still very much believe that he indeed deserved happiness, you’ve reached your limit. You’ve devastatingly accepted that you could not restore that happiness in Lo’ak.
“Few weeks. A month maybe.” You answered faintly. You use the best of your abilities to keep a firm composure. It would be miserable to cry, especially right then and there. Lo’ak stumbled through his repetition of your answer, dubiety twisting your features, mind and heart. You cannot seem to comprehend the sudden shift of his act. The authentic perplex and strain to recall what went wrong as if he never saw this coming from you.
“Whatever I did, I’m sorry, Y/N—” His long arms extended, touch reaching to collide with you, yet he reluctantly retracted back as if he’d been scorched by some blazing flame of a barrier around you. He repeated his apology, scrambling to try and find whatever pieces he’s broken and bring them back together while trying with all his strength to not lose his damn mind. “Lemme mend this — y-you have to let me mend this, okay?”
His voice is desperate, pleading, and it was as if he’s speaking without wanting to hear reason. Lo’ak may not be known for his smartness, but he was clever with certain things. To you, Lo’ak was everything. But even so, that usual thick headed mind of his was unable to get himself out of this one.
“Y/N, we can — it’s mendable.” His head was repeatedly bobbing up and down, and it told you that perhaps you’ve brought him out of his drunken state. Brought him back to Pandora, at least for a split moment, you thought.
“I think it is too late now, ma Lo’ak.” His eyes shuttered and he let out a quivered exhale. “Baby, don’t say that, please—” He reached for you again, this time pushing through the fear and on with it. He couldn’t help the slightness of grimace upon him when his hands cut into your self-obtained space, and it was then that he realized why that burn had been a great protection for you.
Anxious, panic-stricken he was, digits winding around the bareness of your hips and wasted no second in tugging you upon his lap. “Please…just give me one more chance a-and let me mend this, yeah? Baby?”
The expanse of his palms quivered when they lifted to your cheeks, your own gripping the taut muscles of his shoulder blades to maintain your balance, to keep yourself steady from the pleading within his green-speckled hues. The air surrounding Lo’ak reeked of that forsaken alcohol, entangled through his braids, the essence of his blue flesh, his accessories.
You take him in; the faint violet flushed beneath the sockets of his eyes, the drain that highly beseeched at you with every syllable tumbling from his cloying lips. “I’m….fuck.” His breathing was escalating; more turbulent, almost hysterical as he tried retaining every part of you inside of himself.
Without your willingness, you’re gently moved, yet still, your form remained unyielding.
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and you know that.” His softly hushed words were right. You knew he meant them. While Lo’ak’s emotional avoidance over the last few years had been quite a lot, it did not make him exceedingly insensitive. He was full of many pretty words, but never once did he utter abundant words into existence without purpose. But what you only wished for was that he’d been able to say them sooner. Could have been swarmed with the realization and recognition of you before you’d made it to the edge of the cliff above the depths. All that was left for you to do in order to escape was to take the act in plummeting. To end things with Lo’ak, to start anew with your own life.
It is unattainable, you’re more than convinced that this is the end of the path for the both of you. Even with that said forged in your mind, you nodded still. Purposeless it was to see him in this state of franticity and fear of the prospect of losing you burdening your heart. You may feel repentant later on, but you’re to leave once this is finished, once this is over with and you’d never return to the Omaticaya. Lo’ak was to be an experience of your past. He would hate you then, hate you for an eternity for what you were to do, but you knew he would be okay. What he needed was his family. To fix those cracks, to patch those injuries. To improve himself, Lo’ak must and will find a way to find his true self beneath all those layers of resentment and suffering.
That was all that ceased to matter.
“I can mend this? You’ll let me?” You nodded once more, but he did the opposite in an act of disapproval. “Nah, I need to hear it. Let me hear you.” His voice was glazed with true, raw pain, something you haven’t heard from him in such a long time. “Please, Y/N…”
“You can mend this, ma Lo’ak.”
“Y-you promise me that?” He questioned, and for a moment you faltered. It’d be much more deceiving for him to know you were lying. So you don’t, and instead you let the tips of your four fingers stray to the nape of his neck and pull him into a kiss. And in this moment, you knew that you had never loved with such depth, such fervor with every fiber in your being.
You were aware that once you vanished from here, the fractures etched in your heart would scorch, ablaze to the point where you would feel every flicker and pain. With that being said, you poured it all into this one kiss, one that seized every ounce of respiration from his lungs. Vehementing it was. Vehementing you were, of course. His mind was nebulous; hazy, too fucked over — but you were here. In amidst the turmoil of an inner war, you. He loved you profoundly, and he knew you well. Well enough to know what the next day would bring. He knew why you were contributing to this, why you were granting him the belief that his pathetic attempt of resolution would be enough.
You loved Lo’ak as well.
The thought of facing a day without your presence gracing his life churned his chest with a crushing sense of loss, the palpitating organ within bending and compressing as if some being had reached and tried bending it to their own taunting will. He must give you everything, he had to give you everything, risk it all, and perhaps it would be sufficient. This time it is Lo’ak who retreated from you, dark lashes fluttering against the warmth of your cheek while his eyes perused over your face just one more time.
“You know that no matter where you go, you’ll always be mine.” His words were not a question, more so a statement of persistence and certainty the both of you felt and knew deep within your bones.
“You do understand, yeah?” You could hardly form a verbal response, though you do not give him the opportunity to bask in his little glory, and instead your hands, the ones currently on his shoulders, slid to the beaded necklaces encasing his toned neck, fingers tangling through them. “If you’re going to do something, get on with it.”
Lo’ak can’t help the soft smirk hoisting his cheek at your clipped tone and grumbled, “Impatient much?” Candidly speaking, this was perhaps the closest he was to being himself. That brilliant smile you haven’t seen in so long resisting the urge to be the prime focus of attention. A pity, really, for you.
“You still trust me?” He noticed your indecisiveness. He doesn’t give you time to respond for he soon added on, “Like this?” and that almost immediately changed the answer. The adapted pads of his fingers grazed down the dip of your neckline and to the elegant line of your collarbone, peering down your figure. “Do you trust me enough to have you like this?”
Your chin slightly dipped bashfully as you nodded. His brows drew together and hissed in a breath. “I wanna hear you say it then. Make this easier for the both of us.” Your delicate beaded chest piece subtly heaved from the ascent your chest made, and he could not help but laugh, eyes crescent-shaping with the sound, at your irritated voice. “I trust you, Lo’ak.”
“Good.” he muttered softly beneath his breath while letting his hands fall and secured themselves to your hips.
Yes, good, you repeated the single word in your own mind.
“You’d give yourself to me right here, right now?” He questioned, and you stuttered at this. It wasn’t the upmost ideal thing, for this spot practically belonged to you and Lo’ak was perhaps the most reserved place within the Forest since you were children. But it was the Forest, and you never knew who from the People could be wandering around. The thought of someone stumbling upon you and the Olo’eyktan’s son out in the open petrified you.
Though it seemed your pussy thought otherwise and did not mind one bit of this idea.
“S-srane ( yes ).” Firm was your word, and it pleased Lo’ak. Muscle memory it became when his palms created a path upwards from your hips. Palms that held such tenderness as they splayed up your stomach, blunt nails beginning to faintly engrave themselves into the azure flesh of your waist, soon following your midsection to endearingly trace over the pretty stripes decorated there.
The strokes he caused made you squirm in his lap, body curling slightly to the side and your nose twitched cutely. “Lo’ak, enough—” your plea went ignored once more by him.
“Do y’know how pretty you are?” Lo’ak’s words caused your heart to skip a rather large beat. Curse his idiotic mouth, curse him. Curse his abilities to have you melt with a single breath of his lungs.
“Our People always speak about the Great Mother’s beauties. Saying how she spent a great deal on Pandora,” he murmured and you didn’t hesitate to listen, even despite the light acts created from his touch that have your abdomen twitching.
“But gosh, I think you’ve bested her.” He exhaled almost breathlessly, as if the weight of his words were too grand and exquisite from being spoken to existence, to you. You saw nothing but sincerity in his face, blinking rapidly when he tapped your hip and uttered, “Take it off now.”
His demand left no inch of a room for a disagreement, so without further hesitation, you hitched yourself a bit up while wobbly fingers perched down and into the weaves of your tewng, slipping the garment off. You more than knew that when he meant to take it off, he meant to discard everything — such as your little chest piece. But almost as if it were a challenge, you do not. This drew a chuckle out of Lo’ak and you rolled your eyes despite settling back down on his thigh.
His mouth moving hot against yours, and for a second your entire world stilled, the remaining fragments of your heart plummeted, the wild fluttering as the single thing inside of you capable of sustaining life. Your ache, your beautiful, throbbing, lifelong ache dwindled for a moment as Lo’ak’s mouth meshed with yours. He kissed you fiercely, fingers brushing the lower swell of your breast, breathing existence back into your being, and it was then that you moaned lowly for him.
When he ripped his mouth away from your own, it was when his fingers found their way down the dips of your stomach, outlining the lower section, soon curling around the upper muscle of your thighs to part them just a bit more, dragging two deftly fingers through the growing mess between.
“Even when that pretty head of yours wanna hate me, this body can’t resist me, hm?” He retracted his hand as he spoke, long enough to glide those two fingers between his lips, humming contently around them before pulling them out. They were profusely coated with his spit, making it such an effortless task to increase the mess worse. Its pads nudged back and forward between your slit, occasionally granting nurturing circles to your nub. Your mind was becoming warped within the lust, back to clutching onto his shoulders for steadiness.
Your nails punctured the muscles there with the longing to grind against something, anything. “You’re so damn wet, mamas.” The foreign nickname had force in tearing out a sharp gasp from your throat, and he huffed out a chuckle while absorbing all the moist sensation.
“ ‘m gonna have you all fucked up on my fingers, then some more with my dick, how does that sound?” The sensation of his dark plaits grazed your cheek, lips adding on when they brushed your flickering ear. “You want that, Y/N/N/?”
You could not do anything more than whine, allowing your hips to wind forward in hence to catch every languid swipe of his slim fingers against you. Your body quaking, head pummeling as you padded near the pleasure.
Pleasure which you more than knew was not healthy. It was as if adding a single aid to a severe wound. The following day, you would detest yourself to the core for giving into this thrilling temptation; the thrusts he gave your tightened cunt, the kisses shared between your swollen mouths, the caresses given to your skin, all of this would create much more difficulty for you to move on.
Lo’ak’s fingers wasted no time in swatting against your swollen clit, pads of each digit rubbing gingerly over. Sensitive it was, every swipe causing your entire body to stutter.
You can feel more arousal oozing out of your cunt, adhering to Lo’ak’s constricting thigh. His flesh would be tainted with your slick, his dangling braids and pretty coils would be ruined with every slight tug given by the time you were done. Though he could not bring himself to care about it, he was not letting you go at this moment, he could not ever bring himself to do it.
The momentum of his overworked digits were lethal, you'd be culminating in a matter or seconds. The hand currently entangled within Lo’ak’s hair suddenly disappeared to slide down the base of his thick queue, fingers delicately curling around the sensitivity while you began to subtly gyrate your hips forward, the stimulation becoming much more direct and effective.
Though the act made from your dainty touch caused his jaw to go slack, pupils engulfing the golden pools of his eyes as a soft hiss whispered from his mouth.
"Look at you go, baby…" Tongue peeked out just to glide over his honed incisors before teasingly reaching forward to lightly bite your pouting lower lip, gaze never tearing from yours.
Everything is what you were to him.
The brimming of your orgasm deepened inside the center of your lower belly, spiraling bit by bit. “Hey, no, look at me, mamas.” His tone is low but beseeching, words practically breathing into you, directing you to obey his plea despite the violent desire to let your head slant back if it weren’t for another one of his pleas catching you, voice caressing the tethers of your soul.
“Please look at me, sevin. Lemme see you when you fall apart for me, yeah?” And it was then that you were reminded of your thoughts from earlier.
How fucking perilous Lo’ak’s mouth could be.
“Ma L-Lo’ak—” His name was uttered in a whine, clutch becoming firmer around the single braid of his as you compelled yourself to remain in eye contact with the Sully son. He squirmed yet didn’t reprove you and continued his work between your legs despite the building-up ache bulging between his own, three fingers dipping lower to gather more slick before adding it to his pattern against your throbbing clit.
“I-I’m close,” you huffed out, and Lo’ak nodded deliberately, the subtle movement of his pleading face mesmerizing you. “C’mon, lemme see it happen. Lemme see what I do to you, how good I make you feel, hm?”
"Hmm— L-Lo’ak, you're gonna make me cum." Perhaps you were nearly driven to tears when Lo’ak craned his neck forward again, though this time his lips pecked over the pink contours of your scrunched nose first, sweet, loving kisses falling over each star-like speck across your cheeks, beginning to create a path all over your face.
“You’re doing so, so good f’me. Always so fucking sweet to me." His breathy muttering oughted you to look away abashed, flustered.
"You love the boy you knew, don't you?"
"You're not a boy anymore — y-you’re to be grown, to to be Olo’eyktan o-one day." You reminded him curtly, words tumbling from your lips as you tried focusing more towards your pleasure.
"Nah, no." His head shook, the two braids aligned to each of his cheeks swaying from the motion. "Grown — Grown Lo’ak is very different from boy Lo’ak, isn't he?"
Your heart couldn’t help but falter at this, a muskiness kissing your waterline, blinding your senses as you stared at him solemnly. "I love every version of you, ma Lo’ak. I just love you."
Agitation suddenly crumbled his pretty features, and brokenly whispered, “Then why are you choosing to leave me?"
You truly did want to answer him despite the way your heart nearly plummeted to your stomach, yet it was difficult to. His lips sweetly found their place over your face again, prickling your flesh as if pointed needles.
“L-Lo’ak." He merely hummed at the low warning. "It’s okay, just go ahead mamas. I know." He whispered against your flushed cheekbone.
"Cum for me, you've been so good, sevin. My pretty girl." Your chest heaved overwhelmingly, the tips of your ears flirting with each of the pretty, earnest words he reiterated, swelling the urge for you to sob. "Perfect and pretty. The only girl, my only babygirl."
And perhaps you would sob.
"All you have always done is take care of me, huh? But who takes care of you?" His working hand dragged up, and the sudden act caused you to jolt. Lo’ak’s free arm and hand, however, wasted no second in coiling around your midsection in order to keep you from moving away.
"Just wanna make it up to you, tìyawn. Just tell me that's what you want from me." He beseeched, nose nuzzling into the line of your trembling jaw.
“Y-yes, that is what I want, ma Lo’ak. Please, please, please. T-Take care of me — make me cum— make it up t-to me, Lo’ak, please." A moan rumbled in the center of your throat for Lo’ak felt it when his lips twisted upwards into a wide grin. “Then do it — c’mon, cum for me, baby. Let it out…”
He didn’t need to instruct it twice for you came in an instant. It washed over with a moan, long and broken, your head seizing forward and into the crevice of said neck and broad shoulder. Damped lips were immediate to latch onto the future Olo’eyktan’s neck, biting, suckling, and softly licking the striped flesh, body quivering as you were thrown over the edge.
Your walls twitched around a vacant place, and Lo’ak kneaded your abused numb through the aftershocks as the pearlescent proof of your release pooled out of your cunt. "Fuuck, my pretty girl, doing so damn good for me." He crooned sweetly, the long length of his lashing tail somehow finding its way to tenderly coil around the thigh clenched by his side.
You faintly feel the swift movements of his hands reaching down to fiddle with his own tewng, yet the dread was too heavy for you to react.
It was only then when you realized that Lo’ak was not stopping his tempting assault that you found the strength to peer hazily down at where your pussy and Lo’ak’s fingers met. He was still playing with your pussy, flexing digits coating themselves in your sweet essence before ramming them right into your much sensitive hole.
He was immediate in starting at a brutal pace, so engrossed in searching for the spot that would have you squirting all over him.
"L-Lo’ak, Lo’ak, no w-wait, please— " Yet he had decided to not listen to your cries. Not even looking at your face, no, his gaze was enthralled with the way his fingers are digging you out, the way you swallowed them whole, nearly becoming one with them.
"No, you must take it. You can take it.” He forewarned but your head was shaking in denial, a sob flying out your mouth. “K-Kehe ( no ). I-I can’t, m-ma Lo’ak—”
“But you can, baby. I know you can.” His brows furrowed softly together, brushing against your browline as his forehead kissed yours. “And you know how I know that? Hmm?”
Stammers were the only that managed to be formed. “Because I know you, Y/N. I am the only one who knows you better.” He fed you the answer he had been seeking for and your chin jutted up and down. “Or am I not, mamas?”
“Y-yes, L-Lo’ak, it is you — just you.” A chuckle proudly spewed from him. “And who knows this pretty pussy better than me?” Hips jerked forward, whining with a gasp at the harsh deepness of his digits. Your grip on his queue released, palms scattering out and planting on each side of Lo’ak’s angular face as you kept his attention locked towards you.
“N-no one, ma Lo’ak. N-no one—”
Lo’ak nodded firmly, “That’s what I thought, baby. Now, let me treat her the way she deserves to be treated, okay?” His mouth brushed over your lush one, yet didn’t necessarily grant you the yearn of a kiss. Not as he noticed the subtle flash of upset striking your face.
“Just one more chance for tonight.” He added after a pause. “You’ll let me have her for tonight, won’t you, Y/N?”
You whined shamelessly, “Y-yes, o-oh! P-please, Lo’ak—”
“That’s the Y/N I know,” His praise went by tenderly while the act between your legs was entirely distinct, much more carving, exhilaratingly burning you. “My Y/N, my girl.”
Your pussy was well acquainted with the feel of Lo’ak’s touch, a rather hefty debate between said cock and fingers. Every single adapted ridge, divot, arch. Always, always taking him so well, so eagerly, prettily desperate for Lo’ak.
"You're so wet." He grunted, pupils dilating in awe from the brief yet sufficient enough glance given to the drenching mess. "Need you to tell me how it feels."
“So good, Lo-Lo’ak. You make me feel so, so good." Lo’ak liked you like this, all in a drunken daze, vocals all garbled up.
"You gonna cum, mamas?" You could not even answer, not as your body actively chased every thrust. "I can feel you squeezing my fingers so good. Jeesh, you're so damn perfect." He rasped lovingly, "Love having you like this…you’re everything to me, you know that?”
The words were meant more to himself, yet you heard him all the same. “L-Lo’ak." you muttered though the tut his tongue made kept you from proceeding, head shaking. “Shh, don’t say anything. I jus’ want you to cum for me, got it? Flood my shit.”
You felt every curl, every nudge his fingers gave the most sensitive spot within, your insides coiling, rattling all at once to the point where you nearly lost all feel of your lower body, all sense of the way your tail swiveled, the way your limbs quivered. “Make a mess all over your future Olo’eyktan, hm?”
The hand grasping your hip rose to press against the rising arch of your back, encouraging the pretty dip to take shape while your inner thighs clenched around Lo’ak’s palm.
But the continuous push to your back flushed you forward, thighs yanking open with the lankiness of his lower abdomen shoving between. The act caused his fingers to retreat from your weeping hole and knead them sloppily upward. The intensity of your subsequent climax came in high waves when he slumped them back inside, pumping once, twice, three times all in one before he was pulling back to stimulate your pulsating clit.
White spasms of what could be compared to blazing stars overcome your vision, a shriek rippling from your hoarse throat while you drizzled your release all over Lo’ak, the hands once cradling his face dragging down to the length of his neck and jabbing your thumbs into the hollow of his constricting throat. Tears cascade down your glowing, flushed cheeks, a never ending streak assisted by the river flowing from your cunt — an enthralling combination that had Lo’ak feeling ecstatic.
"Mhm, that's it, baby. Just ride that shit out for me…that’s it, there you go." His encouragement had your body feeling dazed and spent as you leaned forward to flush yourself against Lo’ak’s dampened chest, ear flickering at the rumbled sound he created.
"You did so good for me." Lo’ak muttered into your other ear, mouth grazing the point of it. "So, so good." The length of his palm moved to cradle the curve of your head as he felt the racketing your body created, watched the sways your lovely tail created before it nestled right beside his thigh.
"Your pussy's so perfect, made to take me, made to listen to me, isn’t that right?” You couldn’t help not answer from the embarrassment clutching at you, and instead nuzzle the tip of your nose over a glowing speck on his cobalt striped chest.
"Nga yawne lu oer ( I love you )." This was sincerely declared with a brush of a kiss to your head. "I do, I really, really do." He insisted, and he couldn’t evict the sniffles following that scrunched his nose afterwards. "I am sorry, very sorry for the way I’ve acted."
You were too exhausted to create some sort of movement, but one thing that was for certain was that Lo’ak preferred it this way. It made the act of speaking, of apologizing much easier for him.
"God, I really have been so selfish, haven’t i?” A deep furrow found its way to your forehead at his self chastising, at the way he was combined, conflicted between uttering this to you or to himself. “You will still leave. You won’t be here anymore. This is really happening, isn’t it?”
Another stiff sound left Lo’ak, so meek, so lost before sweetly adding, “I promise I did try. For you, I really tried. F-for them — for my family. To be what they need— what you needed.” A sob strangled within his throat, mind nearly beginning to descend into that fogging darkness. “A-and I know it’s not an excuse, I know it’s been years but after we left, a-after Neteyam—”
Yet the gentle, secure entanglement of your arms pulled Lo’ak from that mindset, and he found solace within this embrace, keeping him close, letting him feel and know that you were there.
“Q-quiet. Enough — do not do this to yourself.” You stammered out softly, a light kiss meeting his collarbone. “We still have one more chance, ma Lo’ak. One more chance within this night. One more chance to pretend that this is not our future, to pretend that everything is fine, yes? Do not waste it by recounting your regrets, okay?”
Lo’ak’s mind geared this over, and in there, and in his heart, he more than knew that he will never be able to bring himself to love with such force as the way he loved you. Yet still, even now he could not express it in a good, healthy, proper way that you truly deserved. He would find a way to prove it, however. To show, to act, to live by it as if it was the very sole purpose of his life. Lo’ak would find the pieces of himself beneath all this tethered and tainted pain, and bring them together within himself in order to bring himself back to life.
Lo’ak would do it for you. For his family.
So you could learn to love him again.
But he would do it for himself as well.
In order for him to learn to love himself again.
"Wipe your tears for right now, okay? I am still here. I am right here in front of you." Lo’ak’s firm arms surrounded your frame into a hold that was soothing, familiar, full of strength. It blossomed molten warmth within your chest, erupting an arsenal of emotions.
"Whatever you — whatever you wish to give I will take." you ended meekly and Lo’ak was certain he had fallen for you all over again. Yes, his climb back to victory would be well worth it. For you to look at him one day, and to once again see him as the boy you loved, the man you will love, the man you admired so profoundly. It made Lo’ak’s entire heart begin to tremble, along with the curves of his lips.
"Alright then, sevin. Just take a breather and rest for a while, yeah? Our night's just getting started."
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mamas-ethereal-gun · 1 month
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♡︎ 𝐒𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄 ♡︎
Delusional!Eren Yeager x Black fem reader
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You met Eren at a small gathering that he and his friends were having at Connies house. You and Connie are really good friends! You were basically the reason why both him and Sasha graduated high school. Without the INTENSE studying you put them through, they would’ve been on the streets taking about sum. “Spare change??” Basically they are both really great full for you.
Constance🤓☝️:
Oh so we are just ALLERGIC to being on time huh?😒
Y/n 🩷:
IM SORRY IM COMING RN😭
Constance🤓☝️:
Ok but while ur out can you buy snacks🙏A few of my friends came over!!
Y/n 🩷:
Not you looking at other hoes 🤨 I thought I was your one and only what happened 😒 (also sure which ones??)
Constance🤓☝️:
At least my Hoes can come to my house on time🤓(takis, skittles and m&ms)
Y/n 🩷:
Kk I’m coming 😋
You smile at your phone as you walk to the nearest convenience store, the screen casting a soft glow on your face. Looking through all the shelves, you grab a bag of Takis, a pack of Skittles, and some M&Ms, along with a few other items for yourself. "Thank you, come again," said the cashier as you exited the store, the automatic door swishing closed behind you. With your purchases in hand, you make your way to Connie's house.
‘There are a lot of cars here,’ you remark, scanning the array of vehicles parked in his driveway, noticing some more expensive than others. ‘I didn’t know some of his friends had money like that,’you say with a shrug, a small smile playing on your lips. As you made your way to his door you began to hear loud music coming from his house. It didn’t take a long time for the door to open, but instead of Connie or even Sasha opening the door. It was someone unrecognizable to you.
The green-eyed man who stood before you didn't utter a word when he opened the door. He appeared to be in some sort of trance, or perhaps he was starstruck. "Umm, hi?" you waved, trying to break the silence. He blinked in response. "Hey..." his mouth moved, but no words came out, leaving you puzzled. "I'm (Y/N)," you introduced yourself, tilting your head slightly as you spoke. "I'm a friend of Connie and Sasha," you continued, now smiling warmly at him. "Oh, it's nice to meet you, (Y/N)," he finally managed a smile. "I'm Eren, by the way," he added, extending his hand. You reciprocated, shaking his hand with a gentle grip.
"So..." you begin, a hint of flirtation in your tone. "Are you gonna let me in, Eren?" You say his name with a playful lilt, noticing the pinkish blush that forms on both his cheeks and ears. "Oh, yeah, c-come in," he stammers, quickly stepping aside to allow you to enter through the door. As you walk past him, he locks it behind you, the click of the lock echoing in the hallway.
"Oh, look who finally decided to show herself!" you hear the moment you step into the living room. Inside, Connie, Sasha, and a few other people are gathered. Eren stood at the entrance of the living room. "Y/N! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE COMING?!" Sasha exclaims, rushing towards you and enveloping you in a tight hug, swishing you from side to side. "Hi, Sasha," you sign once she lets you go, a smile spreading across your face at her enthusiastic greeting.
"Oh, guys," Sasha says, turning towards the people sitting on the couch. "This is (Y/N)! She's a friend of mine and Connie's from high school!" She grins, excitement evident in her voice. You wave and offer a friendly smile. "It's nice to meet you all," you greet warmly.
As everyone introduced themselves to you, Eren discreetly signaled Connie to come over to him. "Why is she here?" he whispered, his tone tinged with curiosity and perhaps a hint of skepticism. "Why don't you like her?" he asked, clearly puzzled by Eren's reaction. "No, no, that's not it..." Eren began, his gaze shifting towards you. You were smiling warmly, your presence seeming to brighten the room. In his opinion, you had a really cute smile. The same pink blush that had arisen on his cheeks when he first saw you was now resurfacing. Connie couldn't help but notice this subtle change in Eren's demeanor, his eyes flickering between his friend and you.
"She's pretty," he remarked, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Ooooo! You've got a crush!" Connie teased, patting Eren on the shoulder, his laughter bubbling up. Eren shot him a sideways glance, his expression a mix of annoyance and embarrassment. "Shut the fuck up," he muttered under his breath, causing Connie to back off, realizing he may have crossed a line.
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This was just one of the many interactions you've had with Eren. You've encountered him at parties, hangouts, and even at the cafe where you like to chill. In each of these encounters, you've had the opportunity to learn more about him, and likewise, he's gotten to know you better too. With each passing interaction, Eren found himself growing increasingly fond of you. Your presence seemed to brighten his day, and he couldn't help but look forward to the next time he would see you.
His friends started to notice this too. Every time they would make plans, the first question on his lips was always, "Is (Y/N) coming?". They couldn't help but observe how his eyes would light up whenever the answer was yes. They also noticed a subtle yet distinct change in his clothes when preparing for these plans. Not that he didn't put effort into his appearance before, but now there was a newfound determination in his choice of outfits.
"You look good!" Armin complimented as they both got ready for the party. Eren smiled, a faint blush creeping onto his cheeks. "Thanks," he replied, a hint of pride in his voice. "(Y/N) said she liked guys that dressed like this." The mention of your name seemed to motivate him even more, as if he was striving to impress you with every choice he made.
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"Who you texting?" Sasha sang, peering at Eren's phone with curiosity. "(Y/N)," Eren replied with a smile, his fingers dancing across the screen as he continued to type out a message to you. The room fell into a momentary silence as everyone exchanged glances, amused by Eren's fondness for you. Suddenly, Eren looked up from his phone, a question on his lips.
“Do you guys think she wants me?" he asked, his voice tinged with a mixture of hope and uncertainty. Laughter erupted from everyone in the room, catching Eren off guard. He furrowed his brows in confusion, wondering what was so amusing about his question."Woman really do change men, because Eren, what!?!?!" Jean exclaimed between laughs.
Eren sat up straight, determined to make his case. "Okay, but hear me out for a minute," he insisted, his tone earnest.The room quieted down as everyone leaned in, curious to hear what Eren had to say.
"Yesterday," Eren began, excitement lacing his words, "we were watching a movie, and in the middle of it..." he trailed off, a grin spreading across his face as he recalled the moment. "She leaned onto me and, like, put her arms around my arm, and started rubbing it really gently" he recounted, his pride evident in his voice.
Ymir glanced at Historia, who was sitting beside her, and couldn't help but comment, "This man is whipped," prompting laughter from everyone, including Eren, though his was more of a 'okay but listen!' kind of laugh. "I just think she's cute!" Eren protested, attempting to deflect the teasing from his friends.
"Okay, but we've seen girls you thought were cute," Mikasa chimed in, wiping away a small tear of laughter from her eye. "And you," she pointed at Eren, "would always go up to them and start chatting up a storm. But now with (y/n) you're over here asking, 'does she want me?'"
As Mikasa's laughter subsided, a somewhat serious tone crept into her voice. "You love her, Eren," And she was right. He did love you. Every time he saw you, he felt a surge of happiness. You made him happy, and he adored you for that. It was undeniable.
He liked to imagine that you felt the same way about him, but deep down, even if he discovered that you didn't, his love for you wouldn't change. He loved you, wholeheartedly, and he was willing to do whatever it took to be with you. All he wanted was for you to reciprocate his feelings, to give him some love in return. That was all he wished for, to share his love with you and to bask in the warmth of yours. Give this man some love fr :(
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A/n 𐙚🧸ྀི: idk if I like this or not fr.
Dividers: @ioveartfilm
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desmorotu · 2 months
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more redacted headcanons!!!
some might be angsty? most of them?
꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ
- i saw a hc where milo isn’t necessarily short, but the other guys are just unbelievably tall. in my head milo is 5’11, ash is 6’5, and david is 6’9. tank is the only one who looks deceiving bc they’re like 5’10 in my head but their wolf is as big as david’s. ppl from the outside make the joke that shaw security is secretly a tall person club
- guy was a music major before he switched to writing. i mentioned it in his playlist post but i get those vibes HARD. he also writes honey poetry because he knows they secretly like it
- i like the idea that darlin and angel came from a rough family upbringing because 1. it’s relatable to a lot of ppl and 2. it would explain why tank shoves themselves into harms way and why angel is so outgoing now. it shows different responses to trauma imo.
- babe sometimes has crippling panic attacks on the thought of angel being a latent empowered and leaving them alone as the unempowered person of the group, but in my mind babe is the latent one and they’re a fire elemental.
- sweetheart feels guilty sometimes for being empowered while the other mates aren’t. they know it has absolutely nothing to do with them and that they can’t do anything about it, but sometimes they feel a pang in their heart at the fact that the other two won’t feel their core swell and warm up when looking at their mates.
- starlight has night terrors about the time they fell down—both times. they also think about when avior fell and they can’t help but intrusively picture what he looked like when he finally landed. it makes them physically ill. avior has to be extra careful when talking back about their experiences sometimes.
- lovely is still goes to therapy every week to work through the trauma of adam, dying, and now they’ve added the summit on top of that. they’re withering away into a husk of themselves. they’re so exhausted with dealing with all of this pressure, but they’d do anything for vincent (and i think that’s going to be their downfall).
- gavin has been brought to tears on multiple occasions at the thought that freelancer loves him for him and not just because he’s an incubus. he’s had to muffle his sobs because he genuinely does not know how he deserved someone so loving. he hasn’t brought it up to them yet.
- i think that freelancer is on the ace spectrum (greysexual maybe?) and that gavin was the only person they’ve ever really had sex with, or wanted to have sex with. they trusted him enough to “show them the ropes” and he built their confidence to where it is now. gavin helped build their relationship with sex and while they’re still on the spectrum, they’re more positive about it and they enjoy that kind of intimacy with him.
꒱࿐♡ ˚.*ೃ
that’s all that i can squeeze out of my brain rn >:( i haven’t been on tumblr that much and UGH it’s just bc my real life is more interesting than my redacted life (which is a very good thing, but still it makes me sad) and i have no motivation to post 💔 but here are some hcs that have been on my mind lately :3 i hope they make sense
k byeee 💟
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Being Inarizaki’s Manager
Miss Manager is Shy and Cute 🥹
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Inarizaki x shy and cute! Female manager (she/her pronoun)
Warnings: Atsumu starts off as a butthole but we reform him, fluff
A/N: I wrote a headcanon set earlier with a shy reader and well, now I think I’m a shy reader expect 💅 so here’s one of my favs with a shy manager 😌
Oof- you good, girl?
Seriously this team is like the opposite of shy and calm
I wouldn’t say they are Karasuno level but they get HYPED
Now, many of them had given up the dream of ever having a female manager
They were prepared to brave it alone (namely Kita, Aran, Omimi, Akashi, Suna, Ginjima, etc)
They knew what their problem was…
Well PROBLEMS
Atsumu and Osamu
But it’s fine because they were efficient 💅
Kita did everything and well, Kita did everything
But that all changed when one day our precious Angel, Riseki, met someone new 👀
You see, you were the new girl in school
A curse honestly
Being the new kid is never easy, trying to find friends or fit in with everyone is so hard
And to top it off, you were ridiculously shy and a wallflower
It’s not that you didn’t want to make friends but your shy, cute nature made it difficult
When you first joined Riseki’s class, he thought you were rather cute
You kept to yourself, didn’t bother anyone
You were smart and capable
And most importantly, you had absolutely NO CLUE who the Miya twins were 😌
Riseki had watched you a few times, and you showed a lot of promise
You seemed to be able to ignore all the Miya chat surrounding you
You didn’t seem bothered by the fan girls
And most importantly, when a Miya fight would break out, you’d simply ✨ignore ✨ it
The problem was that Riseki knew you were shy
You’d never speak up in class, you barely talked to anyone
But he also knew this was his opportunity
So what does he do? Well he confides in Kita
“Hey Kita, so I think I might have found us a potential manager?”
Kita 👉🏻😐😑 *not convinced or optimistic whatsoever*
“Is this person a teenage girl?” Kita asks in return
“Yes but-”
Kita 👉🏻 No 🫶🏻🥰
“Here me out tho, she’s a transfer student and I’ve been keeping an eye on her,” Riseki says
Kita 👉🏻🤨 creepy but ight-
“She has shown zero reaction to the Miyas at all! Like none, not even a second glance!” He says
Kita 👉🏻 tell me more…
Riseki goes on to explain more about you and Kita agrees to give you a small trial run
Ok now that Kita is convinced, all Riseki needs to do is ask you
Simple right?
“Hey Yn!” He yells as you freeze
You rn 👉🏻😐😳
Please you are looking around like “is he talking to me? Am I Yn?”
“Hey I was wondering if you had a club yet?” He asked as you just stared 👁️👄👁️
Please Yn, function
Riseki realizes that he probably came in way too strong, so he backs up a bit
“Umm I’m sorry to come at you so strong but I was wondering if you needed a club? The boys volleyball team is looking for a manager and I think you’d be perfect,” he says as your eyes widen even more
Please blink before your eyes dry up
“Ohh umm I don’t think I umm- I’m not sure I’d be good- I don’t play volleyball or know anything really,” you say as you blush heavily
Riseki is DYING at how cute you are 😭
“It’s ok Yn! I can teach you everything and the guys, wellmostoftheguys, are super helpful!” He says as you ponder for a bit
Maybe this is just what you need? You never take chances like this and maybe now is the time to start branching out
“Umm I guess I can try,” you say, a tiny smile lighting up your face as Riseki dies inside 😭
After school, he brings you to practice
The gym is huge and all the guys in it are huge as well
You start to second guess your decision
Maybe you aren’t cut out to be social, yeah maybe you’ll just be shy forever
Suddenly you are forced out of you thoughts when you are approached by four guys
You quickly take refuge behind Riseki and peer out from behind him as the boys all smile at you
“Kita, Aran, Omimi, Akagi- this is Yn! Yn these are our third years!” Riseki says as you blush hard and peek out from behind him
“Umm hello, I’m YN from class 1-4. It’s very n-nice to meet y-you,” you stutter out as the third years practically perish
How the heck are you so freaking cute?? 😭
“It’s nice to meet you YN, I’m Kita, the captain. Thank you so much for coming to meet with us,” Kita says, already impressed that you aren’t making waves or causing any disruptions
“T-thank you for having me,” you say as you stand next to Riseki now, a little more confident
“So Yn, do you know anything about volleyball?” Aran asks as you shake your head
“Not really but I’m a pretty fast learner,” you say as the boys all nod
Suddenly, a rouge ball comes flying out of nowhere as you quickly take cover as Akagi stops it from hitting you
“Are you ok Yn?” Kita asks as you nod
“I’m fine thank you,” you say before being approached by a boy with a yellowish blonde hair color
“Hey girls aren’t allowed in the gym!” He shouts as you reeled back a bit
Who was this extremely rude person?
“Shut up ya idiot! Obviously she’s talking to the captain!” A silver toned man says
“Yeah well I don’t need to be interrupted by any squealing pigs during my serves so get out of here!” He shouts at you as you quietly back up
“ATSUMU! Knock it off, stop being so rude! This isn’t one of your fan girls, this is Yn and she’s going to be our trial manager!” Kita scolds the yellowish blonde as he scoffs
“This? This is going to be our manager? She’s tiny and looks like she’s afraid of her own shadow! How is she going to ever be a manager for a powerhouse?” Atsumu says as you whince a little
Man he was a jerk 😒
“Damn Sumu, you’re being a jerk! Leave the poor girl alone,” a tall black haired man says
“Suna’s right! She didn’t do anything to you,” Omimi says as Atsumu stares at you
“She’s literally taking up space! Like how is she going to even be helpful?” Atsumu says as you finally lose it
“Excuse me,” you say, a little anger and agitation now clear on your voice
Everyone 👉🏻👀
“Yes, I maybe a little shy and skittish at times but it’s extremely rude of you to judge someone you haven’t even been introduced to,” you say as the men all look at you
Kita is like mentally taking notes
Suna has his phone out and recording 📱
Riseki is like “who is this?”
“My name is Yn and I’m a first year. I might not be the best but I’m smart and I learn quickly. If I interrupted your practice, I apologize but I won’t stand here and be treated with disrespect,” you say as you bow and take your leave
Honestly Queen shit 👑
Oohhhh Kita and Riseki are BIG MAD
Kita doesn’t say anything, he just GLARES at Atsumu
Riseki turns and goes after you but not before giving Atsumu the death glare of a lifetime
Aran, Omimi and Akagi are ready to kill
Suna is still recording 📱
Ginjima has now joined the pack and is wondering what the heck is going on
And Osamu, well Osamu is 👀 👇🏻
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“YOU TYRANNICAL PIGGGGG!” He shouts as he kicks Atsumu in the back
But this time, nobody stops him from beating up his brother
The team 👉🏻 😙🎶
Meanwhile-
“YN wait! Please wait- I’m so sorry about Atsumu!” Riseki says apologizing to you
“Riseki, I’m sorry but I can’t-,”
“Please Yn! PLEASE! Please just give us a shot! I promise, we will kick Atsumu off the team if we have to just please be our manager!” Riseki says, on his knees BEGGING
Dang these guys really want a manager 😅
You sign, “I’ll do a trial run if it means that much to you.”
Riseki 👉🏻😐😳🥹 really?!?
You smile and nod a little
Riseki pulls you in for a deep hug 🫂 as you simply blush
And this began your journey as Inarizaki’s sweet manager
I wish I could say it was all smooth sailing but alas, Atsumu is still on the team 🙄
You aren’t sure why but at first, he’s just not nice at all
Like he refuses to take a towel from you, or even drink the water you hand him
He kind of makes you miserable
He knows how shy you are so he often puts you on the spot just to embarrass you
“Hey Yn do you know what that was called?” He says as he slams a serve over
Omimi and Akagi 👉🏻🙄 here we go…
Kita 👉🏻 😐😑 Atsumu-
Osamu 👉🏻 just say the word Yn 🙎‍♂️🤛🏻
Suna 👉🏻👀📱
“Umm a serve ace right?” You shyly respond
“Well would you look at that, she can learn,” Atsumu laughs as he walks away
Everyone is GLARING at Sumu rn
Literally Riseki was not joking when he said they would kick him off the team Yn
Idk if you bruised his ego or what Yn but man’s has it out for you 😅
However, one thing about Atsumu is that you can win the man over
It’s simple really… 🙌🏻 praise 🙌🏻
And you do just that
“Sumu your sets are really off today!” Aran says as Atsumu glares at him
“Yeah dude you literally almost flubbed our quick,” Suna says as Atsumu rolls his eyes and walks away
He sits on the bench, putting a towel over his head as he ponders
He’s not sure what’s wrong with him today but he’s been off all day
You noticed something was off, thinking maybe he was just having a bad day
But then you realized that Atsumu Miya wasn’t use to having bad days
So you decide to extend an olive branch
You walk over the him as he sits on the bench
“YN wait!” Osamu tries to stop you but he can’t
Suna’s eyes widen in fear for your life as Kita gets ready to save you from certain destruction
You calmly sit beside Atsumu as he turns his head and glares at you
You smile a little and place your hand on his gently
The team 👉🏻😳😲
“Everyone has bad days Atsumu. If we didn’t have bad days, we’d never get better. I still think you’re an amazing setter and if you ever need a hug, I’m here for you,” you say as Atsumu’s eyes widen
Atsumu is to stunned to speak
Quick Suna take a picture!
Seriously he was so mean to you and yet, you were still so nice to him
You smile and stand up, walking back to practice when it happens 🫣
Two strong arms grasp you from behind as a warmth radiates around you
You smile a little, grabbing his arms and squeezing
“Thanks Yn,” Atsumu says as he lets go and walks back into the court
The entire team is too stunned to speak
You say nothing as you go back to your job, handling towels, volleyballs and notes
“Did that just happen?” Ginjima asks
“I think so? Is this a dream?” Omimi responds
“Holy crap Atsumu actually has a heart?” Suna says
“OF COURSE I HAVE A HEART YA IDIOT!” Atsumu screams from the court
“Not like anyone could every tell ya grinch!” Osamu responds
“EXCUSE YOU SIR?!? WE ALL HAVE BAD DAYS, IF WE DISNT HOW WOULD WE EVER GET BETTER!” Atsumu responds
“YN literally just told you that ya dummy!” Ginjima says, rolling his eyes 🙄
The guys go back to practice
This time, Atsumu is much more on point
You smile and clap as the boys all kill it in practice
You don’t cheer loud, simply clap and smile 😊
It’s literally giving them life Yn!
Now when it came time for tournaments, you can’t say you weren’t nervous
This was your first time around so many people
You were still pretty shy, even thought you’d become friends with the entire volleyball team
Literally they were so protective of their shy little manager 🥹
“Ok is everyone here?” Kita asks as you nod
You had been walking in back with Suna, making sure all the members stayed together
“Ok let’s go get warmed up!” Kita shouted as the guys all nodded and followed
You were walking when suddenly, your notebook fell and your papers scattered everywhere
“Crap!” You silently said as you kneeled down to pick them up
However what you failed to notice was that the team had continued to walk
You see where I’m going with this 👀
“Hey guys- oh no!” You said as you stood up, realizing there was every color of jersey surrounding you BUT black and white
You 👉🏻😐😳😢
“Ok Yn calm down, the team is somewhere,” you silently muttered to yourself as you wandered around giants
You felt like crying, scared and nervous because there were so many people around
You had to ask someone for help
Suddenly, you bumped into the back of someone
“I’m so sorry!” You said, tears in your eyes as she looked at you
“Oh it’s fine, hey are you ok?” She asked, gorgeous blue eyes watching you
You shook your head, eyes meeting hers
“Hey Kiyoko, I’ve got the bento boxes all sorted!” A blonde girl said, walking up to you
“What team do you work with?” The girl named Kiyoko asked
“I-I’m with Inarizaki,” you said as they both smiled
“Come with me and Yachi, we can take you to the gym,” Kiyoko said as Yachi stood beside you
“Thank you so much,” you say bashfully to the two pretty girls
Meanwhile…
“Ok Riseki, Ginjima can you help YN fill up the water bottles please?” Kita asks as they nod and look over to you
Only you’re not there 😅
They start looking all over for their precious bby
Please Ginjima even looks under his shoes incase he stepped on you 😭
“Umm Kita,” Riseki interrupts
“Yes,” Kita says looking at him
“YNs not here,” Riseki says as everyone stops
“What the hell? Where is she?” Kita says looking around everywhere for you
“Suna weren’t you walking with her?” Aran asks as Suna gulps
“She was with me just a a minute ago!” Suna says, now panicking too
“Oh my god and I was just starting to actually like her and you lost her?!?” Atsumu says as Osamu smacks the back of his head
Then they hear their opponents say something
“Has anyone seen Kiyoko and Yachi?” Their team captain says
“OH MY GOD WE HAVE A MANAGER KIDNAPPER!!!” Riseki yells as two of Karasunos memebers RUN from the gym
“We have to find Yn!” Aran shouts following them with the rest of the team
All that remains in the gym is Kita and Karasuno’s captain, Daichi
“We could just text them,” Daichi says as Kita nods
Back with you, you are enjoying talking with the two Karasuno managers
They both seem a little shy like you but they still manage a strong school
“The gym is just up this way-” Kiyoko says when you hear it
At first, it sounds like a stampede of elephants
Then you realize it’s just like 15 teenage boys racing toward you 😅
“YN OH MY GOD WE FOUND YOU!” Riseki says pulling you into a hug as your boys gather around you
“Are you hurt? Do you need help? Are you hungry?” Aran says panicking as you watch Kiyoko and Yachi fight off their team
You giggle a little, the boys taken a back
“I’m fine guys, I actually just made some friends!” You says smiling at Kiyoko and Yachi
Inarizaki rn 👉🏻😐😳🥹 our baby is growing up!
“Thanks Kiyoko and Yachi! I’ll see you in the gym!” You say, waving to the two girls as they follow you
You look over at Riseki and give him the biggest hug
Riseki rn 👉🏻😳
“Thanks for inviting me to be your team manager! Now let’s go kick some butt!” You say sweetly as the team stops
The team 👉🏻👁️💧👄💧👁️
No need to worry about the match Yn, I’m sure everything will be just fine 😌
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leeknow-thoughts · 2 months
Text
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HE ONLY DATES PRETTY GIRLS
౨ৎ pairing : hwang hyunjin x FEM!reader
౨ৎ warnings : smut (not many details), fluff, college!au
౨ৎ a/n : kinda clearing out my drafts rn lol
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It was an embarrassing realization, when you figured out you had fallen in love with him. He was out of your reach, and you knew it. Oh, how you know it.
"He only dates pretty girls," all of his friends seemed to say.
As if they themselves were reminding you of your place.
He was smart, he just needed math tutoring. Every Tuesday and Friday you'd go over to his frat house to help him with trigonometry. Every time you came over you'd learn something new about him. Every time he would also learn something new about you.
Last week you both had done less math and more talking. Speaking of everything from music to exams to shoes.
He was handsome. Even a blind man could see his beauty, because his beauty wasn't limited to that of his looks. He was beautiful in his voice, in his passion, in his kindness.
His presence was beautiful as well. Even if it were fleeting. Every moment with him felt fleeting. As soft as a feather but as heavy as a brick.
You find yourself at one of his parties. Sitting on his fraternity's couch, sweaty bodies surrounding you. "There you are! I can't believe you came!" you heard his voice in front of you.
When you looked up you saw him. He looked beautiful, as always, wearing simple blue jeans and a black tank top. Yet, he looked elegant.
"Uhm yeah of course! Thanks for inviting me!" you try and speak loud enough so that you can hear the words leaving your mouth over the music.
"Wanna come back to my room? It's a little loud here," he inquires.
Of course you obliged. He held your arm as he guided you through the hallways of the house. Up the stairwell and the first door on the left. His room was so, him.
It was clean and tidy. "Bet you have a lot of girls up here," the thought slips your mind before you can stop it from leaving your mouth.
He scoffs with fake offense, "is that what you think of me?"
You shrug, he takes a seat on the bed, patting the space beside him. He wants you to sit next to him. "I mean you only date pretty girls," you chuckle.
His face breaks in surprise, "did Jisung tell you that?"
You nod, remembering how the boy told you such after you informed him that Hyunjin was the one to invite you. "Well is it true?" you ask him lightly swinging your feet back and forth over the bed.
"I only date girls I find pretty," he responds genuinely, "I like girls that are smart and funny and that don't often go out to parties. I like girls that are kind, and that are good at math, those are the ones I find really pretty," he hums.
"Mhm," you pause, "do you like one of the girls in our math class?"
"Oh," his pitch falls, "no, I was talking about you, but yeah you're also in our math class so yeah."
All thoughts leave your head in that instant, "you think I'm pretty?"
"Why do you think it's impossible that I think you're pretty?" he questions.
"You're you," you point to him, "and I'm me," you point back to yourself.
"And you're perfect!" he exclaims.
A wave of silence washes over the room, nothing can be heard other than the beat of your heart. It felt like watching yourself stub your toe but wait those few seconds for the pain to kick in. But the pain never came. Maybe it didn't have to hurt the way you expected it would. Maybe it never would have hurt the way that you thought you knew it would.
And before you can think, before you can speak, his lips are on yours and your faces are inches apart and he's kissing you. He tastes like cherries and tequila he must've had earlier. He's kissing you. Hyunjin is kissing you. He's kissi-
"Why?" you sigh against his lips, not daring to fully part with him.
"Because I need you, I want you, please," he mumbles against your chapped lips.
You can't help but smile against his lips when he says that, "you want me?"
"Fuck yes," he mutters against your lips before pulling you into another sloppy kiss, "I fucking need you. I've needed you for so long."
You don't know where you find the confidence to say, "then take me."
And it doesn't hurt when he bottoms out inside you. Your bodies cling to each other, afraid of the emptiness without each other. Your hands gently trace down his stomach. Each of his thrusts send you closer and closer to the edge, you cling to him when you tumble over it. And it is oh, so perfect.
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drdemonprince · 2 months
Note
Your post about "transitioning to escape gender but then there's more gender" has been rotating furiously in my mind since I saw it. When I first realized I was trans at age 15, I identified as agender, but I knew I wanted to go on T and get top surgery so I decided it would be simpler to tell everyone I was a trans man and that just kind of became the truth. Now 10 years later I'm sorta starting to feel like I wanna actually be agender again, but the idea of an identity shift like that at my current age is terrifying and idek who I'd tell, or how I'd do it, and I don't think I wanna stop using he/him exclusively, and I have no idea why I'm telling *you* this other than that I'm scared to talk to anyone I know about it because it feels like somehow admitting that I was wrong about the gender I fought like hell to become, even though i don't really think that's the case I think my sense of self might just be continuously evolving... but I just wanna say you talking about having a gender shift like once every several years is helping me process this rn and feel like I'm not faking anything now AND wasn't faking anything before.
Dog i am right there with you. As a kid I always thought gender was bullshit, the coercive nature of it disgusted and scared me and I rebelled against it the best that I could. I loathed being assigned to any gender category, I never identified as a "girl", but I didn't really identify with any other category either. Puberty terrified me (and of course, it does most young people, but it felt like it would only more deeply entrench the category that I was assigned to in other people's minds, it made it more difficult to escape). I had trans friends as a teen but it did not occur to me to transition because there was really no end goal that I wanted to head toward, I just knew what I wanted to avoid and not experience. I coped mostly by degendering my body with a fairly androgynous style and way of presenting myself to the word and mannerisms, but also by starving myself which was not so great, and not sustainable. I considered transness for myself, even trying on a friend's binder and presenting masculinely at certain queer events, but it seemed to me at the time like just another way in which to obsess over gender, a foolish coercive socially constructed thing that i was trying to avoid.
In my 20s, I learned more about nonbinary people and figured that explained things pretty well. I was enamored with the transition journeys of some other trans people, largely trans women more than trans masculine ones (with some trans-effeminate faggot boy exceptions), but I still didn't want to take on all the expense and uncertainty and hassle of navigating the medical system for myself. I didn't think that the pursuit of being happy merited taking on so many risks or fiddling with myself so much. I saw it as an extravagance I didn't deserve, I guess, and I also couldn't locate a target outcome that seemed desirable enough for me. I was still dealing with an eating disorder and recovering from some trauma and didn't really think about my life in the long term. I guess I still don't, haha, whoops.
Eventually I came out as nonbinary, and nobody really gave a shit. There is a lot of useless, solidarity-breaking discourse that happens online about essentially who is "more" oppressed, binary trans people or nonbinary people, and a lot of that fight amounts to the two groups shouting about the ways in which they annoy one another without there being any cogent analysis of power and where oppression comes from (let alone how much those two categories overlap).
But I will say that being a they/them was far more difficult than being a trans guy socially and institutionally, because your identity is completely illegible to every system around you. "binary" trans people struggle under this too, but i have found there are some immense benefits to having a socially and institutionally legible target gender. nobody would fucking actually they/them me. not anyone. not even other trans people and queer people. there were no public gendered spaces for me. there were no spaces for me. there was no way to move through the medical system, professional life, and other public institutions as a nonbinary person. i was still just a cis woman in everyone's eyes. including the people who claimed to support me. and it was massively frustrating.
and so i think ultimately, i took my frustrations with not being at all able to escape coerced gendering as a nonbinary person and combined that with the affinity i do feel for queer men and the general sense of misery i was still experiencing in my life and decided what the hell, i'll round myself up to being a trans guy. i upped my T dose, i dressed more masculinely, i eventually got a super masculine hair cut that really squared off my jawline and got me gendered correctly, and i started more consciously inhabiting queer men's spaces.
and it was pretty dope. for a while. i felt the rush of having gotten away with something. when people effortlessly gendered as male i felt freed at last from the pressure to be a woman. i was no longer being coerced into being something that i was not. i had escaped the enforced category so much that people couldn't even see the history of that category being pushed onto me. there was relief.
but then. as always happens. people made little comments about my handshake being too weak for a man. the hypermasc dudes at the leather bar rolled their eyes at me and all the other effeminate dudes swanning around the bar. the people who picked me up off the apps or at the sauna would always let it slip, eventually, that they had a lot of experience with trans guys, or had most recently been dating all trans guys, and it would make me feel like a stock character to them, yet another category into which all kinds of assumptions had been projected. a type not a person. a few people said my haircut made me look like i was in the military or described me as actually masculine, which was equally jarring because it was so incorrect. people tried to affirm me by saying i was such a dude, i was such a man, i was such a fag, i was such a gay bro, pawing all over me leaving the mark of all their assumptions and oversimplifications behind. i had tried to run away from gender and there i was just BASTING all the time in everybody's goddamn assumptions about gender. trans people didn't talk about it any less than cis people did, they were just as fucking confining to be around.
it honestly feels really dirty. when people try to affirm your gender constantly and can't stop talking about it, when people look past you and see only your body, your history, or the role they have typecast you in, when people use your body as an outlet for their own gender or sexuality explorations, when they keep trying to measure every single facet of existence up into being masculine or being feminine or being toppy or bottomy or any other gendered type, it's claustrophobic.
as a trans man i tried playing this whole gender game and the second i started winning i began to feel even more disgusted with myself. it wasn't a victory or an escape, it was a capitulation. exploring with my identity and presentation has brought positive things into my life and my health has gotten better as a result, and i've made wonderful friends who, like me, are disaffected by this coercive gendering system. so i don't regret any of that. but trying to make myself legible under the existing gendered system was a fool's fucking errand. i wish i hadnt done it to myself and i wish i hadnt had it pushed onto me. to be clear, it was cissexist, binarist society that forced it onto me; even when other queer people coated me in their gendered assumptions that is obviously a byproduct of societal conditioning, and it's conditioning that ive reinforced in my own behavior and outlook toward others plenty of times too. we all do it, and we are all wronged by the existing coercive gender system.
i dont even care how i fucking identify anymore and i have no intention of changing pronouns again or anything, i'm so bored of it, i just actually want off this fucking thing. im not interested in trying to make others understand what i am anymore or in who i am even being simply categorizable, i dont want to obsess anymore over how i am perceived or to attempt engineer my appearance and mannerisms to broadcast an identity to anyone. i dont even want to fuck anybody right now at all because im so sick of how much that's a gender pantomime for people. i want off this fuckin ride man im so done.
it's kind of freeing, to hit this point of complete gender apathy, and i think it is a pretty common stage of identity development for a lot of queer people who have explored multiple identities and roles over time. there is no category that i actually am, or that anyone is, there are just the frameworks that society has given us to work with to understand ourselves, and the ways in which we flatten who we are to be able to make sense of the world using those frameworks. but who i actually am is so much more contextual and mutable than all that. i am a different person in the classroom than i am on the train platform than i am in the bedroom than i am cuddling on the couch than i am when i'm working out than i am when curled up on the floor crying than i am at a big furry convention. who i am continues to change as new people come in and out of my life and age and change and my body alters and as the weather turns. who fuckin knows man it's nothing and everything. i want to let it just be
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