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mihidecet · 4 years

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SBI d&d AU: Tommy (2)

I’m back! This is the second part of Tommy’s POV for the au, and it’s directly connected to the previous part!

There is a third part coming, probably in a couple of weeks! ((I’ll be a bit busy due to Writober starting today, but I really want to keep adding to this AU! Also, if you maybe want to check out what I’ll be posting … You’ll find them on AO3, even tho they’re not mcyt related))

Also!! Soon we’ll have another character sheet! A special thanks to @spout1nk for bouncing off ideas with me about Techno’s, which will come in the future!

And as always a special thank you to @whatimevendoinhere , who is an amazing and incredible friend and also a super poggers artist!

There are slight trigger warnings for this chapter: there’s characters getting injured twice, and mentions of blood. There’s also a brief example of d&d level of violence. Let me know if I should add more or underline possible triggering parts!

Thank you all for readign and for all the wonderful support, all the follows and likes and comments! It really means a lot and it gives me so much encouragement to keep writing!

For the next couple of months, rumors of the kid that beat Technoblade - the shadow thief, the most infamous assassin of the realm - spread like wildfire.

At first, it’s just Tommy coming up with stories.

He vaguely mentions besting Techno in hand-to-hand combat, then says he’s had it since they met and it’s the reason why he was allowed into the group. One time, he states he stole it from under his nose. Another time, he tricked Techno into drinking a sleeping potion and pocketed it as he was unconscious.

His personal favourite is: one time, as they were sparring, he backflipped over Techno’s head and grabbed the knife from his very hand; Techno was so impressed by his moves that he gifted it to him out of respect. Phil wheezed so hard when he heard it that he lost his voice for almost half a day, and because of that nobody believed his story, but it was still worth - just for hearing Phil laugh.

Then one night, in a squallid tavern, Will sings the song of the young warlock who tricked the thief, sold his soul just to steal a knife, and it kicks off a whole new wave of rumors.

And everything goes perfectly well.

Everyone focuses on the rumors, the stories. Their popularity increases, their job offers multiply.

Tommy gets to show off half of his present, and get to keep what’s really meaningful all to himself.

It works perfectly well, up until it doesn’t.

With fame comes a peculiar kind of danger, one that is born from the mind of really, really dumb people that like to think that if they’re prepared enough, they might have a shot at defeating them - as if an ancient black dragon hadn’t already tried his best against them and failed.

Still, this one particular time, the whole team realises quickly that whoever is trying to get to them has come prepared.

They attack in the middle of the day, which is unusual but efficient: everyone in the team can see in the dark, so attacking at night would be useless, or even detrimental if whoever was attacking had to rely on torches.

They also attack in the middle of the street of a crowded town. Techno and Phil had realised they were being followed a couple of days prior, and they’d decided to head to the nearest village in hope of covering their tracks, or at least buy themselves some time to find out how many and who was tracking them, assuming whomever it was wouldn’t attack them out in the open.

Instead the first knife flies directly towards Phil during a late morning, while they’re looking for a place to eat. Phil dodges, then curses and raises a hand to still catch the dagger, which would have otherwise hit a farmer he had been talking with - blood splatters on the poor man’s face as Phil yells at everyone to get away.

With the crazed crowd of a Monday market, most of the team has to restrain themselves. Tommy can’t really summon a demon in public, Phil won’t be able to transform into a bear and Wilbur will have to rely on his swordmanship, instead of destroying his enemies’ eardrums and minds.

Still, it’s not like they don’t have anything else at their disposal.

The Tommy of two years prior would have never been able to survive, but while his stories of beating Techno are mostly false, the two of them have been sparring for a long time. Techno is an incredibly strict teacher, but that just means that he has more control of where his spheres of fiery eldritch power land.

He sees Phil direct a handful of people away from the danger, while Wilbur makes sure to attract most of their enemies’ attention by hurling insults at them - one of them stumbles back, hands moving up to clutch at their head as Will’s words echo inside their mind.

There’s a flash of colour, then a figure falls to the ground: Techno stands behind them for a moment before throwing one of his daggers at an incoming enemy.

Seeing him fight is always an incredible spectacle, but this time Tommy doesn’t allow himself to be distracted.

There’s nowhere to hide in the big, empty square they’re fighting in, and there are still innocent people trying to escape. Phil is expending spells left, right and centre, creating walls and shooting out healing magic in order to prevent people from dying and getting targeted - Tommy sees a figure jump in front of a cobbler, blade drawn, and then lock up, muscles freezing as Phil takes hold of his body with a clutched fist and a shaking arm. Techno swoops by a moment later, taking care of the paralyzed fool before disappearing again.

There are enemies appearing from all sides, and it gets more and more clear that this is not only a well organized group but also a group with enough money to spend on people willing to be cannon fodder for them.

Tommy keeps his distance, shoots anyone that approaches him and picks off enemies that threaten his teammates (family) whenever he can. Each time someone falls to the ground, he hears a joyful whoop ring inside his head, usually followed by an exclamation of “another one for my collection!”, and feels his strength increasing - small wisps of flames circling around him, and he knows his eyes are glowing after the fifth one.

It takes some time - there are a few moments when Tommy knows that if he weren’t so focused he would be getting bored - but eventually the number of goons approaching starts to dwindle, and then stops. Tommy only needs a quick look at Wilbur’s heaving chest, Phil’s limp and Techno’s tired frame to decide he’s going to get up close and personal to finish the last three remaining enemies.

One would think that someone, seeing a half-demon glowing with fire and shooting spheres of dark red energy, would back off with the rest of his retreating friends. Apparently that is not the case, as one of them is dumb enough to try his hand at fighting him the moment he sees him approaching the group.

And the thing is, normally Tommy wouldn’t even blink and incinerate the man, but he has been casting a lot more spells than usual in order to keep everything at bay, and he is in the process of shooting a ball of fiery energy at another dumbass cornering Wilbur - who’s clutching at his rapier with both hands, arms shaking with exhaustion.

So the attack comes out of nowhere, from his left, and he only notices the man when it’s too late: one moment he’s there, the next there’s a thin, vertical gash running from the edge of his elbow up to his shoulder.

The pain is there, but not much - he’s young, yes, but he’s also been an adventurer for a while - but then he feels a small pressure alleviating from around his upper arm.

Oh no. No no nononono-

His mind is suddenly filled with shock. Then rage, as he unleashes the ball of energy he’d been in the middle of casting right into that bastard’s face with a loud snarl - one for him, and one just a moment later straight to the leg of the bastard threatening Wilbur.

But he’s not even aware of that because this guy *just broke Techno’s friendship bracelet*.

The stranger falls to the ground silently, lifelessly, but Tommy’s already sitting down on the ground, frantically tearing at his cut open sleeve as he mutters curses to himself, tears of frustration pricking at his eyes.

A moment later a pair of hands are on his, and he looks up at Phil’s worried but reassuring eyes.

“Don’t worry Tommy, it’s just a scratch-”

“No no no you don’t get it! He- he cut the bracelet!” Tommy protests; he hates how his voice pitches up and how Phil’s eyes soften, but at that moment Techno and Wilbur join them, also looking worriedly down at his bleeding arm, and Tommy slips the bracelet free of his arm. The onyx bead is still hanging on by a thread, and the young warlock has to carefully keep the whole thing in the palm of his hand - the edges where it got cut are already undoing themselves and Tommy is so *angry* about it-

“You kept it?” Techno asks, having the gall to sound surprised, and Tommy can’t help but sputter in indignation, waving his injured hand around - because his non injured one is cradling the broken bracelet, despite the frustrated hum Phil lets out as he prevents him from cleaning the wound.

“Of course I did! What did you think, that I threw away your gift?! I might be rude but I’m not an asshole!"

"Point taken.” He mumbles back, and after a moment of quiet awkwardness Wilbur elbows him in the side. The two of them share one of those silent eye-conversations that they love to take part in, which Tommy is absolutely not jealous of. Then Wilbur claps his hands together and announces he’s going to call the guards and make sure no townsperson got injured.

Techno lets himself sit down silently as Phil grabs his arm and starts cleaning up the gash. The thief lets out a tired sigh: Tommy can see from the corner of his eye how tired he is - being the only one of the team used to up close, one on one fighting in urban streets, probably made him feel like he had to compensate for all three of them. Which is true, he indeed had, but Tommy knows he’s probably more tired from the adrenaline and anxiety that though caused than the actual fight.

“… I’m sorry it got cut up. I thought if I kept it here it would be safe.” Tommy comments at one point, while Phil is unrolling a gauze from his healing kit - the fact that he’s not using magic to close the cut is a testament to how hard that fight was. Or maybe he’s just being cautious, in case the goons change their mind and decide to come back, or in case there are more coming soon.

“I mean, we can always make another one.” Tommy’s head snaps up so fast that he almost gets whiplash.

“We can?” He asks, unable to mask the excitement and awe in his voice - it’s worth it, because it does bring a small smile to Techno’s face. Phil finished tying the bandage around his arm at that moment, letting out a huff of breath and standing up.

“After we’ve gone back to the tavern and eaten. We’re laying low for a while.” The elf states, staring both of them down as he offers Tommy a hand to help him up.

“Alright, dad.” Techno sasses, rolling his eyes, but Phil’s face just lights up and the thief instantly looks pained and regretful.

“Right, I forgot that’s not an insult to you.” Phil’s grin just gets more brighter as he pats the thief’s back and nods towards where Wilbur is approaching them, followed by a handful of guards.

“Come on, sons, let’s go get your brother.”

#sbi au #sbi dnd au #dnd au #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #philza #ph1lza #technoblade

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weevil-wallflower · 3 years

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I just created an entire demon family...pt1

(aka my demon OCs. All are full demons so only gonna mention it once 👀)

My Demon Lore:

My understanding regarding demons is that not all demons are evil and thus not all tempt human beings to sin. Many simply live their lives peacefully, sometimes even among humans. Many even follow different religions much similar to humans. And of course due to that, the many good ones don’t align themselves with Satan which means they can neither be banished to hell nor does Satan has any jurisdiction over them. These demons are also not repelled by religious artefacts or places of religious worship or just religion in general, especially if they happened to be religious themselves. But no need to worry; these kinds of demons are peaceful for the most part and do not mean anyone any harm unless provoked or threatened. (This understanding comes from the knowledge I have about my religion uwu)

≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦

Winfryd Wright

General:

Full name: Winfryd Wright

Nickname(s): Winnie (by Zinnia), Win

Age: 37

Birthdate: 30th January, Aquarius

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Nationality: British-American

Religion: Islam

Relationship status: Single (for now (・ω<) hint: it’s Zinnia, my very first oc)

Occupation: MD / Military Psychiatrist; Medic (previously)

Title/Rank: Doctor / Major

Physical appearance:

Complexion: White

Eyes: Light blue

Hair: Blonde

Height: 6′ 3″

Build/body type: Muscular and well-built

Weight: ~210 lbs / 95 kg

Unique trait(s): Polydactyly; 6 fingers on each hand with the 6th one, the pinky finger, being fully functional

Voice Claim: Jason Isaacs

Family:

Oliver Wright (son)

Zinnia Frost (girlfriend for now >:3)

Peter Wright (paternal uncle)

Wilhelmina “Mina” Wright (paternal aunt)

Anthony Winters (cousin)

Emma Winters (cousin-in-law)

Jody Winters (nephew)

His aunt and uncle don’t have children of their own. They raised Winfryd when his parents passed away when he was a child.

Psychology:

Moral alignment: Chaotic Good

Personality: Ambivert, benevolent, kind, sympathetic, open-minded, patient, polite.

Likes: His family, helping people, keeping a strict doctor-patient confidentiality, terrifying his enemies to death.

Dislikes: Those who harm others especially his family & friends, disorderliness, injustice, inequality.

Demonic Characteristics:

Physical appearance: (Since no one knows what demons really look like, my headcanon is that demons have two natural forms; their human form and their demon form. And they can willingly switch between those two forms)

Winfryd’s demonic form consists of:

Tough, pale skin.

Black sclera.

A third eye 👁️ - The ones on his hands aren’t always there. They are a product of his shape-shifting abilities.

Extremely sharp teeth; Unfortunately, his teeth remain same even in his human form.

Forked tongue.

Four long tentacle-like appendages protruding from his upper back. (Inspired by one of my favourite characters in MGS4, Laughing Octopus. I just love her design and how she moves :3).

Two black horns (Can’t have a demon without horns uwu).

Claws.

Powers & Abilities:

A very capable psychiatrist.

Proficient at close-quarters combat.

Knowledge in firearms.

Superhuman strength (not superhuman to the extent of superman. imagine Captain America).

Supernatural Durability.

Is religious himself so not repelled by artefacts or places of religion.

Sharper senses.

Accelerated healing.

Pyrokinesis.

Razor-sharp teeth.

Telescopic vision via third eye.

Human possession.

Can use his tentacles to bludgeon, impale, grab and smash or wrap and crush enemies easily. He can use them to climb and hold on to structures, even walls, ceilings etc and even use them for locomotion.

Claws sharp & strong enough to tear apart bodies without breaking or snapping off.

Umbrakinesis: He can generate and manipulate darkness and travel through shadows and phase through matter. Thus he’s untouchable as a shadowy. Can also draw the shadows to him if in dire need of healing,

Very acidic blood. Not exactly a power though... It’s said demons bleed fire since they are created from fire but that felt too over the top so I’ll stick with acidic blood.

Shape-shifting: It’s said that all demons can shape-shift to a limit, being able to take form of other humans & animals but Winfryd takes it to a whole other level. He can shape-shift into anything & when he wants to scare his enemies to death, he either appears in their room at night as a shadow figure or turns into eldritch things like these (an expert in body horror >:3):

All in all, Winfryd is a pretty powerful demon, not invincible but more powerful than most. And many things people use, for example the bible, the cross etc don’t work on him because he’s not a “Satanic demon” so to speak. He’s not repelled by religious things. He can even go inside the church and other places of worship.

Weaknesses/Limitations: Now, he may be powerful but that doesn’t mean he has no weaknesses:

Can be forced to reveal his demonic form by those who have knowledge on the occult.

Weak against ultrasonic weapons: Since demons have sharper senses than humans, these weapons would affect them more readily and would do a pretty good job of incapacitating them.

Extremely limited shadow manipulation in both total darkness and total light.

Intangible in his shadow form so can’t deal out any physical damage to his oponent.

No wings so can’t fly.

His pyrokinetic abilities weak against water.

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD): a personality disorder that’s characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.

≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦

Oliver Wright

General:

Full name: Oliver Wright

Nickname(s): Ollie (by Zinnia)

Age: 3

Birthdate: 30th March, Aries

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Nationality: British-American

Occupation: He’s a baby! >:O

Physical appearance:

Complexion: White; with freckles (cause freckles are cute uwu)

Eyes: Light blue

Hair: Blonde

Height: 2′ 11″

Build/body type: Small toddler

Weight: ~30 lbs / 14 kg

Family:

Winfryd Wright (father)

Zinnia Frost (stepmother; later on uwu)

Peter Wright (great uncle)

Wilhelmina “Mina” Wright (great aunt)

Anthony Winters (uncle)

Emma Winters (aunt-in-law)

Jody Winters (second cousin)

Unknown mother: His mother (also a demon) abandoned him so to speak. When he was born, she wanted to give him away but Winfryd said that he’ll look after the child. That didn’t sit well with her because she never wanted kids and so she made him choose between her and the baby. (Later on, this would be one of the reasons Winfryd will come to love Zinnia so much. That she treats his child, that’s not even her biological child, like her own.)

Psychology:

Moral alignment: Just a smol bebey.

Personality: A very sweet & well behaved little kid, albeit a bit possessive of his stepmom.

Likes: His stepmom i.e. Zinnia, his dad, his great aunt & great uncle, his cousin Jody, playing with building blocks, candies, cartoons, hugs. Definitely also gonna develop a liking for video games cause of his stepmom :3

Dislikes: Mean people, being yelled at - it scares him qwq, other people hugging or kissing his stepmom even if one of those people happens to be his dad.

Demonic Characteristics:

Physical appearance:

A third eye 👁️, just like his dad.

Yellow eyes.

Tiny lil razor-sharp baby teeth.

Cute lil bat-like wings.

Pointed ears.

Forked tongue.

Two horns (seems to be the right height to ram a person in a certain delicate spot 👀).

Powers & Abilities: Practically a baby so there aren’t much & those that he has aren’t fully developed yet & thus has no control over them:

Pyrokinesis: Ability to create, shape and manipulate fire. However, since Oliver is so young, he’s unable to control it. For now, it’s affected by his emotions for e.g. if he happens to be feeling frustrated, something nearby will spontaneously light on fire.

Adhesion Manipulation: basically can stick to surfaces, walk on walls, ceilings etc. But doesn’t have full control over it either.

Sharper senses.

Accelerated healing.

Very sharp teeth: Will resort to biting anyone who provokes/threatens him.

Acidic blood.

Telescopic vision via third eye.

Not repelled by artefacts or places of religion.

Weaknesses/Limitations:

Physically, he’s as strong as a normal human child so no superhuman strength.

Weak against ultrasonic weapons.

Can be trapped by those who have occult knowledge/practice. (But seriously, who would want to trap this cute lil kid? :’3).

Powers not yet fully developed.

Wings aren’t big enough to enable him to fly. Can only glide for now.

No claws yet.

His pyrokinetic abilities weak against water.

Is a baby so can’t possess.

Can’t pronounce Rs and Ls very well

Is a lil, innocent baby and must be protected at all costs.

≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦

Peter and Mina Wright

General:

Full names: Peter Wright (left) & Wilhelmina “Mina” Wright (right)

Ages: Peter: 65 & Mina: 60

Birthdates: Peter: 21st March & Mina: 23rd March, Aries

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Genders: Peter: Male & Mina: Female

Pronouns: Peter: He/Him & Mina: She/Her

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Nationality: British-American

Relationship status: Married to eachother ;3

Occupation: Dentists/Farmers (They met at dental school :3)

Physical appearance:

Complexion: Peter: White & Mina: Light Olive

Eyes: Peter: Light blue & Mina: Green

Hair: Peter: Grey & Mina: Blonde

Height: Peter: 6′ 0″ & Mina: 5′ 6″

Build/body type: Thin but lean, I guess? They’re getting old but they’re demons so still fit

Weight: Peter: ~159 lbs/72 kg & Mina: 117 lbs/53 kg

Voice Claims: (TBD)

Family:

Winfryd Wright (nephew): took him in after his parents’ death when he was a child. Treat him more like a son than a nephew.

Zinnia Frost (niece-in-law later on. Think of her as more like a daughter tbh)

Oliver Wright (grandnephew)

Anthony Winters (nephew)

Emma Winters (niece-in-law)

Jody Winters (grandnephew)

Psychology:

Moral alignments: Neutral Good.

Personality: kind, sympathetic, open-minded, patient, polite.

Likes: Their family, showing kindness, helping people, their jobs.

Dislikes: Cruelty, rudeness, inequality.

Demonic Characteristics:

Physical appearance:

Peter: Black wings, two horns, sharp teeth.

Mina: Red wings, red horns, sharp teeth.

Powers & Abilities:

Superhuman strength.

Supernatural Durability.

Sharper senses.

Accelerated healing.

Sharp claws & teeth.

Flight.

Acidic blood.

Human possession.

Weaknesses/Limitations:

Weak against ultrasonic weapons.

Can be trapped by those who have occult knowledge/practice.

Lack telescopic vision.

≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦ ω ≧ω≦

#oc's #original characters #my characters #demons #one smol babey #bio #character bio #tw demons #tw body horror #tw religion #picrew #used #long post

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readbythestarlight · 4 years

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c2e84

Wow, that was a surpassingly normal ad!

Oh boy here we go lore drop!

Therizdune the chained oblivion who is chained at the bottom of the abyss

"He’s basically the boogeyman" if the boogeyman was a HORRIBLE ELDRITCH MONSTER

...IS the boogeyman a horrible eldritch monster?! Oh god.

[[MORE]]

This is great and awful like terrible abyssal eldritch things that can creep into the world through gaps and rifts encourages people to be violent and awful

Also I’m so satisfied that the chains actually ended up being significant

Okay so Yussah knows a guy who we know knows Trent, so... that’s not cool. I mean o totally trust Yussah now it’s not that, it’s just can we trust Ormid?

So not all the Cerberus assembly is bad re: Yussah. But like he’s basically a hermit living in his tower, yeah? Who doesn’t go into the Empire? So like how out of touch is he?

"Trent seems just creepy" that’s putting it mildly

Money? Ball bearings? xD

Oh nice some of the Halas money

Oh Nott honey

Fjord being like "Nott? Caleb please talk to your goblin."

And they’re just all discussing it in the background

NOTT DO NOT

oh boy don’t like that

Oh dear...

"Your FACE is stupid" oh Nott

Lock the gem away somewhere

"You’ll still work at it and try?" Oh honey of course he will

I like how they handled that. They didn’t put Nott down, they gently reminded her that Halas can’t be trusted.

Oh I hope that doesn’t trigger Caleb

And I hope that didn’t just fuck them over with Halas maybe

Cad’s like "can we not?" and then just silencing everyone who keeps trying to talk to him

Y’all need to call your OTHER wizard friend (aka HOTT BOI) to let him know you’re fine and not dead or anything cause this is probably the longest he’s gone without hearing from you

"Everything’s been smoothed over" I wonder if Dairon had anything to do with that

I wonder where she is...

Also this is late cause he said it like ages ago but I love Cad’s little bits of homely wisdom, like the whole holes in a bucket metaphor.

PLATINUMMMMMMM

A WHOLE SATCHEL

TIME TO BUY A KEEP Y’ALL

Kidding I like the xhorhaus

Holy SHIT

21,000 gold??

That puts them at 350 platinum which is like 3,500 apiece NICE

Please def check in with Orli I miss him

I’m gonna insist they all get either matching M9 tattoos or Captain tusktooth tattooes

ORLIIIII

Oh my

Yeah a charisma bump is a good choice Nott xD

YOU ALL BETTER GET MATCHING TATTOOS

"chaos crew" lol

Imagine the stories those "new faces" have heard of the M9 from the older crew

1312 gold not bad!

Fuck y’all I love Orli! I missed him. I hope Fjord retires and goes back to sailing with Orli and the crew someday.

F: "Can I ask, how painful is this... procedure?"

O: "oh-ho-ho! Quite."

Oh lord

B: "Is that infected? Is that infected?!"

O: "No, he’s just a.....................Pansy."

Girls day!

Ohhh I like that idea Nott! Can’t wait to see the new art of that.

I like the start of the idea but the "like the Traveler’s hugging me" is slightly creepy to me. Idk.

BeauJester shippers just got a gift xD

Oh... Molly’s all seeing eye tattoo. My heart. Taliesin looks really touched.

Omg a nat1

Ouch fuck Matt you didn’t have to describe that

Matt’s like "here’s your pretty tattoo Nott, here’s your very lovely tattoo Jester, here’s your TOTALLY BOMBASS tattoo that goes all the way up the BACK OF YOUR SKULL Beau"

like I’m not saying Matt plays favorites but his wife’s character definitely got the coolest tattoo

Boy talk over fish and chips heck yeah

Mmm gonna get some deep talk from Caleb?

Caleb expressing that he feels like maybe they’ve been brought together for a purpose <3

Cad telling him he’s believed Caleb was meant for something important since the beginning

Caleb the green bean farmer

"The god’s plant us, plant their will and their desire, and we move towards the fruit we’re meant for bear for them." Aw that’s... sweet, Cad.

Fjord being like "idk man I’m still figuring it out" what a mood

Caleb admitting he feels like he should run away

"I have started to forget what it was like not being with you people. And we are missing one, I am stuck on the fact that we are still missing one."

I wish I was fast enough to transcribe word for word this conversation because it’s excellent

I like Fjord’s question of "when you know, do you run away or do the right thing knowing it could kill you"

C: "You two are alright."

Cad: "We’re getting better."

F: "So are you, you know, you should give yourself credit."

C: "Mm..."

Cad: "I know... just think about it."

(Wow my old Widofjord feelings just came back with a vengeance.)

Cad adding in his own encouraging words about how Caleb is growing and becoming better made me happy too

C: "I hate tattoos."

Nott in the distance: AHHHH

C: "they’re just not for me."

Cad: "they’re frowned upon in my family."

And then they go see the girls

"We brought fish and chips—what they fuck"

All the Jester ships are eating well tonight

I’m so glad Jester finally got her cool tattoo

Y’all don’t want to see mom and Yeza and Luc?

lol Jester "I didn’t tell my mom about the tattoo"

"I’ve seen parents find out their kids had tattoos literally at the funeral"

I literally could not tell if that was Cad or Taliesin sharing

You guys didn’t even say bye to Orli! YOU MONSTERS

Boy that talks blurb with Brian talk about Caleb is GOOD SHIT MAN

No Brian don’t stop please go on and on about Caleb

lol Matt getting himself in the face with the paper

I knew Dairon was the one who got them out of trouble <3

EXPOSITOR OUTFIT AYYYY

just got new official art and now Beau gets a new outfit and the girls get tattoos xD

B: "I apologize"

M9: "wwwwwoooooaaaaahhh"

And library access again yay!

HEYYYY DAIRON

Beau gets to be a role model now lol

Oh yikes... selling out the Kryn to the King... don’t like that

Vence... NewTHEYLESS??

I don’t like that

Everyone: *excited freaking about Beau’s expositor room*

Cad, a good 10 seconds behind: "You had a monk bunk."

Dairon admitting she realized her prejudices against the Kryn were wrong. You know what that is? Growth.

They’re all so proud of Expositor Beau

Caleb trying to do "normal" accents is amazing lol

I don’t want him to be split from the group but I definitely understand his concern

Scary world ending lore oh boy

Oh god I forgot about the gentleman being here...

YES NO DO NOT GO ALONE that’s a dumb idea honey Jester please

N about J: "well she convides in everybody. Just says whatever she wants to say all the time."

This whole Beau and Nott conversation is amazing xD

Fjord and Jester: talking

Beau and Nott: talking

Caduceus walking along and enjoying the group communicating and sharing their feelings

Is he an earth genasi?

That’s the second time another wizard has called Yussah a fool, poor guy

I like how Ormid’s like "who the fuck are these people" but he also trusts Yussah enough to listen to them that’s nice

Hmmm I don’t like that’s awfully suspicious

WHISPERSSSSS

He keeps coming back to the beacon and I don’t like it

So like.. what if he is in on the whole thing and is trying to steer them away from looking deeper into the beacon?

Jester honey why you go and name drop Trent?? Like fuck.

Also interesting that both the King and his council have been more aggressive and pro-war lately, and the Bright Queen is also bent on the conflict in a way that I’ve personally felt doesn’t seem to quite mesh with her character, it definitely lends towards the idea that they’re being manipulated

Ormid’s a bit of a dick, although I guess I can understand, they’re not explaining themselves super well

Hng idk how I feel about Ormid and I’m not sure that I like that he now knows Dairon is working to get an audience with the king

But then again I’m bad about telling which NPCs are trustworthy and which aren’t.

Ormid’s face when they mentioned the cat OH MY GOD

okay fine god now I have to trust him

"I know we are talking about very important things but" I’m dying

Y’all fixing to get a symbol of the Cerberus Assembly damn

I don’t necessarily LIKE Ormid not entirely trust him but he’s already

Insight check on Sprinkles to see if he wants to go back with Jester aw

lol getting pet advice from him maybe I like him a little bit

PUMAT SOOOOL

it’s been so long!

PUMAAAAT SOL

Guys I have missed Pumat so much he just brings me so much joy

Fetch quest for Pumat DO IT PLZ

Wait

Basilisk oil that’s maybe not a great idea

GO SAILING TO THE ISLANDS

They gotta go to islands for Traveler Con right is that close?

"Let me get it from CritRole stats" lol

Oh thank god health potions

Armor boost oil is neat (plus 1 to AC isn’t bad) but ouch it’s pricy

I love that they CANNOT keep money they get it and then they spend it. It’s #relatable

Uh.... what’s happening to my boy?!

Caduceus?!

MATT WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOY??

45 pats slashing??

WHAT IS HAPPENING

CADUCEUS

oh NO

fuck no

Is there a rift near?!

WHAT THE FUCK

The Inevitable End?

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Evil assassin person??

45 points of damage fuck

This is bad

Sam: “WE’RE SHOPPING MATT” MOOD

23 doesn’t hit?!

Oh they’re in trouble

God DAMN I’m freaked out omg

Does he have The Invulnerable Vangrent as a map??

God what a cliffhanger

#a day late but OH MY GOD #Critical Role #cr spoilers #emi watches critical role

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chuckling-chemist · 4 years

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31 Days of Fanstuck Day 9: Dontoc: Sleep

Dontoc looked out among the sweeping fields of red poppies. Not a single soul, not consort nor honeybee nor troll, appeared anywhere within the flowers. It all remained still in the eternal dusk of his land, The Land of Magic and Ink, void of any sort of wind or breeze.

He still hadn’t gotten used to it, really. The lack of….anything. Yes, there might be crumbling towers and inky black lakes criss-crossing the landscape, but it lacked echo. There were trees and forests throughout the land, but not a single leaf so much as twitched in the open air. There were plants, but the only real smell was the constant ozone-like smell in the air. He found plenty of consort villages like every other troll, but they avoided him like the plague. Those that didn’t, seemed to think he was a stain on the whole planet and treated him as such. For many parts of LOMAI already, it made understanding and navigation difficult.

At least the various underlings, strangely shaped like a hybrid of imps and his moirail they may be, were simple enough with his tome.

Not to mention, being ignored wasn’t anything too terribly different from his formative sweeps. He already managed to piece together the basics of the land, how their economy worked and the various differences between each consort and their colored poppy preferences based on the color scheme of the village itself. Overall? It was simple: the consorts farmed poppies and traded among the other villages. Different colors all meant different things to each village, but they weren’t all the same.

None of that was important though. Because the poppy fields were dying.

This one though, this one seemed okay. This field of poppies, for whatever reason, retained its deep red color despite the others turning brown. On one hand, Dontoc knew he needed to find out why this one field, so far away from the castle yet still perfectly safe from whatever destruction wreaked havoc on them, was fine. On the other, he had so many other things to do. Goodness knows how long it had been since he’d even opened up his husktop to check on the status of the game’s grist hoard and his client player, Ardeen.

He took a few cautious steps through the twisting stepping stone path through the poppies with a yawn.

When did he sleep last? He can’t even remember. His day terrors got so bad some mornings he simply tired himself out to sleep, and sleeping in the Medium only made them worse. Glacin and Pallia were both insistent he should awaken on a planet called Derse. It hadn’t happened.

Spritelog chat opened with ALUALASPRITE ALUALASPRITE: Did you know that poppies represent death and sleep? DONTOC: I αm No+ Sure I Needed +o Know +hα+, βu+ +hαnk You. I Suppose.

ALUALASPRITE: That was a hint. You need to go to sleep. Can’t keep avoiding this eventually. DONTOC: I αm Well Awαre. ALUALASPRITE: Aware you need to sleep or aware I was hinting? Because you do. Trust me. I’ve been there. You need sleep.

She really is Valeba’s ancestor.

Dontoc started to type up a pleading response to stop worrying about him on his palmhusk, but all that came about was another yawn. Alualasprite had a point, unfortunately. He did need to sleep. He just didn’t want to.

The longer the path twisted and turned through the field, the more he noticed that no, this field was also slowly dying. Hidden among the bright red poppies, others stood weakly, wilted and withered. Some other patches looked completely barren, stripped wholly of any type of flora whatsoever.

Slowly, he stopped paying attention to where his feet were going next and only on the flowers. He didn’t even notice the sleeping violet salamander laying on the ground until Dontoc full-on kicked the poor farmer. The violetblood recoiled instantly, shrinking down to the consort’s smaller height as the consort himself groggily woke up.

“Oh! My deepest apologies!” he said. “My own tiredness has gotten the better of me, I am afraid, however sleeping at this moment is not exactly conducive to my mental health and--”

“Ah, screw your trap shut. I don’t care about any of that.” The salamander stretched his arms high into the sky and yawned. Even with Dontoc shrinking himself, he only looked to be a fraction of Dontoc’s height. “I’m awake now. That’s what’s important.”

“You…” he blinked owlishly, running a hand through his hair. “You are not upset? Like the other consorts?”

“Nah. Been asleep there for who knows how long! Had to be the best sleep of my life! Plus I’m too tired to care.” The salamander chuckled, the action blowing a water bubble out into the air that popped onto the closest poppies. “I’m gonna go back to the village. Wake up and take care of the big stuff. See ya round, kid.”

He stood, dumbfounded at the salamander’s complete nonchalance as he stumbled through the path. Yet, despite being half drunk on sleep, the salamander didn’t step on a single flower. It gave his erratic walking pattern an almost hypnotic quality, one that following it alone immediately brought the sleepiness from before back to full force. Tired eyes made his vision fade faster and faster and before he knew it, it went to black.

Just a quick eye rest...then back...

Back...to the missions at hand….

Need to….need to…

“Dontoc?”

That was Alualasprite’s voice. He recognized it distinctly. Recognized it in that it sounded exactly like Valeba’s, but with a twinge of strange motherly concern. Unlike Valeba’s general concern. Totally different.

Or maybe it was Valeba’s. His earpiece was still firmly lodged in his ear, after all. And he wasn’t currently one for noticing vocal nuances at this stage.

He felt something soft underneath him. The poppies, he thought distantly, it must be the poppies. Not like he was going to open his eyes and find out. Not when his eyelids felt like lead.

Something draped on top of him. Something pleasant and warm. And soft. How nice. It made it so easy to just drift...drift off into sleep...

“...Dontoc?”

The new voice jolted him awake with a start. He wasn’t quite sure where he was, but it certainly wasn’t LOMAI. Not unless LOMAI was purple and black now. With some horrific eldritch scribbled all over the walls. And Glacin’s damned beak mask’s empty eyes staring straight into his soul.

“Glacin,” he muttered. He shook his head, forcing the immediate disdain out of his brain. Glacin had a reason for being here. A good reason, likely. Neither cared enough for the other enough for a casual stroll through their dreams.

“Why are you ah, well….” he trailed off, hand going into his hair absently, “why are you here?”

“Someone had to chase off those nasty little horrorterrors so you can finally join the rest of us here.” Dontoc caught the amused chuckle from underneath the mask. Normally such would irritate him, but for whatever reason he got the idea Glacin had every right to be smug. “It’s just a pity for the both of us it had to be me.”

#31 days of fanstuck #homestuck #my writing #man this was 2 over 1000 words in a row #why did i do this to myself

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troll-for-initiative · 5 years

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Codex Umbra #7

22.10.2019 - Session #31 - Lv. 8

We left the group when they got ready to bed down for the night in Lyrengorn:

Cloud, our trusty wizard, conducted a Legend Lore ritual to get more information about Pater Reynard, one of their BBEGs of the campaign. He got the story (complete with gruesome imagery and everything) of a family father and farmer, who got chosen by an evil entity and killed his family to serve said entity.

Dirodan, our warlock, on the other hand went to bed a little earlier. Only to get a visit from his patron in his dreams. It’s been a while since Dirodan fulfilled the task he was given and his patron decided to remind him of what he should be doing. For now, there were no real consequences but waking up after sleepwalking, surrounded by a couple of hungry Wyverns isn’t the best thing. Who knows what will happen the next time, Dirodan gets a visit...

Valaris went to bed. Simple as that. Nothing more happened to the cleric. He had a good nights rest. And Raz vanished again. But since Lyrengorn is where he’s from, nobody was worried about it.

The next day started very peaceful and without much pressure to do anything. The group knew, they had to wait until evening for the Sarcanas to arrive. Until then, they checked out the city. They got themselves some new outfits by trading the salt crystals from Valaris’ hair. I don’t exactly know what happened but they somehow convinced the seller that it’s some rare and expensive stuff...

During their shopping, Cloud spottet a large metallic spider. They’ve seen something similar before and the thing kidnapped the Sarcana’s accountant. They followed it and - since they knew this thing could disappear at any given moment - turned it into a snail.

What happened next is a typical D&D plan, so brace yourself. The snail WAS hurt in this instance.

The group left the city to deal with the snail. They made a plan on how to destroy the thing after they discovered that it was on the hunt for Vimak. They tied a bunch of potent acid around the snail and got some distance before setting lose a hummingbird bomb (which is basically a fireball that travels 120ft. over one round before exploding in the next one). The very moment the bomb went off, the wizard polymorphed the Retriever back into a snail, after the thing got shot with some Eldritch Blast and got punched with a Spiritual Weapon. It worked, so after the initial explosion, there was another snail. Second round: The wizard fireballs the thing, the warlock hits it with his magical halberd and the cleric uses his Spiritual Weapon and Guiding Bolt on it. The Retriever was still standing though and did not like the situation. So it lashed out and impaled the warlock standing next to it. Shortly thereafter, it was destroyed by the other two party members.

They collected all the pieces of the Retriever in hopes of covering up the immense destruction they caused. They used a lot of dire within a forest. Needless to say, the damage was pretty visible.

Back in the city they told the guards, who were for some reason very friendly towards Valaris, that they were the ones being attacked not the other way around. And after waiting for hours for Vimak and Julene before discovering that they also went missing, they managed to get the guards to check the whole forest. Within the first 24h, the guards didn’t find any sign of the two but they keep looking.

The next night was dominated by the festival held for the Moonweaver. Everyone dressed up and gathered around the temple on the second level of the city. Five people were chosen to be baptized in the temple. One of the chosen ones was Valaris. When he entered the pool and watched the skyswimmers weave the nothern lights anew, he fell into a deep trance. Here, among the stars, he met a young girl of blue skin and silvery hair. She is the Moonweaver. She is the deity Valaris was serving all along. He immediately asked a bunch of questions (Who he was, where he’s from, etc.) and the Moonweaver kindly answered. To some extend at least. She also warned Valaris about the new powers Cloud just found. They may be more dangerous than they think... Valaris left his state of trance with the strong feeling to go up. Meaning they had to visit the nests of the Wyverns. Since nobody was currently there, the group said yes. Up there, they found a sparkling egg within the empty nest which never had anything in it since the founding of Lyrengorn.Many legends surround this nest, all saying that the rightful owner will one day claim the nest. Valaris knew imediately, this egg was now his to protect. And when he touched it, he heard the voice of the Moonweaver once more: “To protect the future, a child needs to survive.”

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supersexystonersecretssavwlives · 5 years

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Okay so there's this eons old Eldritch Horror God thing that gives precisely zero fucks about the material plane and somehow less fucks for the various puny lifeforms living there. But these tiny mortals keep sacrificing stuff and creating complex rituals to draw it's gaze and favor right? Just imagine then waking up one day having been bestowed phenomenal cosmic power by aforementioned Horror God because we are so beneath their notice that it basically ended up being a "there I gave a puny mortal the power to warp the fabric of space and time and then threw in some soul rending for flavor. Now quit bugging me I gotta get back to mahjong with the other gods. Some of the younger ones are getting rather good at the game and it's far more interesting than you and your dirt squabbling." And the freshly minted warlock has to avoid the cult that actually wanted the powers because A.) Those cult dudes are getting super stabby over the whole affair and B.) OH SHIT THE PALADIN ORDER THINKS THAT THE CULT THINKS I'M THEIR MESSIAH AND WISH TO SMITE ME FOR DEVIL WORSHIP OH SHIT OH FUCK I WAS JUST A SIMPLE FARMER WHEN I WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT I DIDN'T WANT THIS WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT THIS?!?

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stanley-the-magpie · 5 years

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Explaining The Archive 81 Universe and Timeline Pt. 1

Now, this is no easy feat. Archive 81 has three seasons, and a two-part interlude (Golden Age). [Edit: And now a three-parter!] Which, I'm not doing the math, is a lot of content. (And I've listened to every episode at least thrice, so I should know what I'm talking about but don't expect anything of substance.) There is a main important rule to state before we get deeper: Everything important in this universe is recorded on a tape.

I will start with the shaky timeline I created while waiting for the third season to be released, and this whole universe starts, canonically, in the '30s. This is the start of it all; the Golden Age. These events don't seem important until tying it to Season 3 (don't worry, we'll get there). We enter upon the scene of the meeting for the Quicksilver Theater, which is the acting company run by Oscar Waters. Oscar asks if the equipment is set up, while we meet the character Mark, who we should be familiar with because of the seasons before and his integration in them. We then get the names of the other two actors in the room with Oscar and Mark: Patricia and Alice.

They start to test the microphones, with some small talk between the actors and Oscar. Now, the only interesting part besides the power dynamic between all of these characters is Patricia asking Oscar why he was suddenly inclined to record a rehearsal, which does keep the main rule of the universe in check. Oscar gives a very roundabout answer to that question, still stating that it is vital to record, which you can tell is only specific to this radio play. There is a somewhat easier answer to swallow after that broad statement,

OSCAR: It will shape the broadcast, shape the experience, shape the story. When we perform this play over the airwaves, it must be perfect, and thus, the recording.

Oscar believes that this show is crucial to theatre and that it will make him important in the eyes of the people. Patricia doesn't exactly like the way he states that because he implies that it's only about himself, which is very true. (Oscar and Michael Waters are very similar, and I could go on and on about them.) The actors then reveal that they had this rehearsal with no idea of what they were actually performing, as Oscar did not reveal anything of the sort. The scripts are in wax sealed envelopes, which, if you are in theatrics you know that is very melodramatic. It seems very unusual but no one thinks anything of it, which is quite funny. Oscar goes onto explain that the scripts were not meant to be open until the first and only rehearsal, and there is the use for a 'foley-man' which is why Mark is there. The 'foley-man' role is mainly to work with the composition of music, acting as tech and stage manager, with some final things that will come to light after the performance.

Then they are given the name of the radio play: Wingbeats. Which, in my opinion, sounds really bitchin'. All of the actors unseal their scripts and they start to read off the introduction, which is great because Marc just uses a thunder sound to make some spooky emphasis. There is some exposition that sounds really like a ritual set-up, but we are going to ignore the even number and the nicknames given to the actors. Now the nicknames are fun: Oscar is the King, Patricia is the Queen, Alice is the Dancer, and Marc is Setting. These names are actual functioning character names for the story that will become their version of Wingbeats.

The interesting thing about Wingbeats is that it is very much based on the people who perform it. They have to make the stories feel real,

OSCAR: Because in truth, all stories are real, in truth, they have already happened.

This very much applies to why the audience is hearing this now, these actions have already occurred, and they are as true as the stories you heard in Season 1 and 2. It's really cohesive for putting that mindset into the people listening and reading the episode.

They continue, Oscar, reading the rest of the introduction, we learn that this show is very much impromptu and desperately depends on the actors and the audience to exist. Wingbeats consist of three scenes which will be completely made up of real events but also made up by the actors. Patricia isn't exactly happy about that fact. They move to the page about Scene 1, which is the King is supposed to explain to the company how he came to acquire the play, with possible accompaniment by Setting. Oscar starts to explain that he was Europe in the year before (1937), being interrupted by Patricia asking him why he was there. Oscar reveals that he was in Europe for personal discovery before any sort of war could break out. (My personal theory is this was the catalyst for Michael getting into the eldritch stuff.) He explains that he was exploring Paris alone, which doesn't help in this case because Dead Signals have proved that you don't have to be a special person to run into the esoteric arts in this universe. Oscar continues on, explaining how he stumbled into a desolate music and script shop run by these two twin sisters, which is totally not creepy. The woman is very much non-memorable as Oscar cannot remember if they were young or old, he only remembers the eccentricities of how they spoke. Now the conversation from then on is not that important because some of it is just Oscar relaying his experience in the shop and explaining his work to the women.

They shortly after give him Wingbeats and state that is the thing he has been looking for. Little does he know it was also thing someone else had been looking for, but that's not important until later.

The next scene they talk through is the interesting one: the Dancer's childhood. Specifically: a point in her childhood which is "pivotal in her development". Alice deflects, saying her childhood would not be that interesting, and the rest of the company do not agree and they continue on. Alice describes some of the conditions in her childhood: she was an only child, and she grew up on a farm outside of Black River Falls, Wisconsin (which is a real place). (Also another note: Alice says they never had as many cows as everyone else and when you tie it to the theory that her parents were into the esoteric arts, then it makes sense. Some of those rituals require those types of sacrifices. I'm pretty sure it's true, but this is all speculation.) Oscar and Patricia ask her what would make her want to leave, as up and moving to New York would not come unwarranted. The usual getting out of small town talk happens, and lord do I know what Alice means. She was scared of being stuck, married to a farmer and anxious about if she will be able to live a life without much duress. They move onto her parents; Alice explaining that her father is a stern who likes a life of order and rules and somewhat of a helicopter parent and has somewhat that usual small town fragile masculinity.

Alice's mother is a different story, her mother was apparently very hard working as she did all the farm paperwork and most likely all the bills and taxes. She seemed very inhuman as the life looked drained from her skin, and she believed that Alice looks nothing like her.

ALICE: ..., that the only reason she knew I was her daughter was that she'd seen the birth herself.

The pivotal scene is the reaction to their cows coming down with foot and mouth, which means they had to kill the cows to stop the spread. Alice had overheard her parents talking about what they had to do, Alice comes in the room to ask. Patricia and Oscar start the scene, with some idle dialogue (which is not the most important to the story), Alice comes into the conversation. Patricia gets Alice some fake milk and they start to have a conversation about the cows and how they were sick, the conversation shifts into a conversation about the attic. Now, this throws Alice into a tizzy, and I'm pretty sure her freak out was very much out of character.

The creepy thing about the attic is that it doesn't house corpses or anything awful, Alice reveals that it is a portal to a city. The City, to be specific. This makes me sound like a crazy person, but I made this theory up by using information that comes (early if you go by release standards, later by timeline standards) up when discussing the motives for the Historical Housing Committee of New York State.

Now the third scene is the least creepy, and it requires all four players to be in the production and Setting to make music according to the messages of an unnamed messenger. The King, Queen, and Dancer are in a decrepit palace, the throne room showing signs of wear and tear. They sit up on their folly, as apparently, an unnamed messenger comes with news of riots near the borders. There is an unnamed man who wants to start these riots. The King does not believe the message is very useful and tells the Dancer to chase him away. The Dancer does not do that, as when the Messenger speaks she sees visions. The Messenger continues, she sees visions of a ballroom of dancers dressed in yellow. She wants to join but a small voice in the back of her head tells her she shouldn't, in which the voice sounds like her mother. Alice starts to have a panic attack as she is unable to see the faces of the dancers. End scene.

If you don't like color symbolism you can skip this paragraph, because I think Marc and Dan did something really cool with this and I want to talk about it! Usually, ballrooms have endless colors because of the dresses and masks, but for some reason, in this vision, there is only yellow. I looked into what yellow usually symbolizes and it works really well with the background Alice gave in Scene 2. We are never told what shade the yellow is, but I'm assuming it will be a bright and obnoxious shade. That usually symbolizes positivity, happiness, joy, and clarity. Looking at the environment that Alice grew up in, it was never overwhelmingly positive or happy, she only had small mercies while growing up. The voice in her head sounding like her mother helps push this symbolism because her mother was very stuffy and cold. Her mother did not support frivolous things, and dances like those of a ballroom variety could be seen as very ridiculous if you do not have the money for it. Her childhood was never as bright as those shades of yellow, she never got to live her life with that shade of yellow. Now, I hate color symbolism essays as much as the next guy, but this was done effectively without having to look into everything about the story.

It's time for Scene 4! Which, according to Oscar, should not exist! The whole scene is supposed to consist of Setting asking the actors a question they are supposed to answer by looking back on the scenes they have made earlier in the rehearsal, answering the question of where they believe Scene 4 to take place. The King answers first; a stage that is endless behind him with the audience in comfortable velvet seats, they are ready to be amazed. The audience is wrapped in yellow rags, which I choose to believe means that the audience is envious of Oscar because of his talent, or that they are happy to be in the theater. It's not as clear as the dancers. The Queen answers second; Patricia is hesitant but answers nonetheless because of the coercion from Mark.

Patricia sees a small tavern from a fishing village, it's damp and soggy with the quiet fisherman who is hiding a secret. There is something that the town must hide, while the darkness is seeping into their bones they shiver and hold on tight. The last to answer is the Dancer. Alice's answer is short and simple: the Attic.

Thus ends the rehearsal, in which Mark states the rest of the information vital to the play. He is to write the final script in one week, and it needs to be performed in at least two weeks after it is finished. Knowing Oscar, his reaction to this information is something easily predictable because he likes to have control over everything, and is very much a narcissistic human being. He does not enjoy putting himself in someone else's hands and likes to demean the ones he believes are below him as a person. Alice starts to fight Oscar on who should write the script because she likes the idea of Mark writing it, and Oscar reveals he only hired her because of "pliability".

ALICE: Oscar, if you don't let him write the script, then you aren't really performing the play, are you? You're performing some...

MARK: Abomination.

Patricia somewhat joins in on berating Oscar because she does see his ways and does not want to waste her time. She ends her statement quoting Oscar because he is not practicing what he preaches. Mark's next statement is one that, if you are paying attention, will fully tell you what is going on.

MARK: Oscar Waters, the play is a ritual. It is like all stories in that way. And specific instructions must be followed in order for it to have its proper impact. To touch and alter the minds of the people listening to it.

Oscar is still against the idea, but Mark convinces him by saying he is good at doing what needs to be done. Which, knowing the future of this show, makes me nervous as all hell. Now, since we have finished the first part of the Golden Age, let's move onto the second part which holds the final version of Wingbeats.

This part starts with the message of which station is being used to broadcast it, I don't think there is any implication or affiliation with the cryptic arts. Oscar starts off with a small monologue that sounds so much like some of the rituals in Season 3. Immediately we are sent to a commercial, in which we are met with Richard Thalberg, who talks about Amber Duke cigarettes. If any of you have listened to What's the Frequency? then this commercial is somewhat similar in style (albeit they are different because of their overarching story structure) to the way that show runs. It's still in the Archive 81 format and is a lot more creepy because of way Dead Signals treats it. I also have a theory about what is actually a part of Amber Duke cigarettes, but that's for when we actually discuss Season 3. (Which is a long way away...)

We return to the play, starting in Paris, 1937. A man, Oscar, enters a shop to get out of the rain. He meets two eccentric women, one playing the piano while the other handles the counter. They start a conversation with Oscar, the sisters switching off during sentences when it becomes too tricky to play the piano and speak. Oscar starts to peruse the store, continuing the conversation with the sisters. He believes that their store is interesting, considering half the scheme is books & scripts while the other is music and musical instruments. They explain they both oversee the thing they love, in which Patricia states that they are going to end up at the same place because both music and theatre are stories. Oscar does his boast and talks about how he directs, writes, and acts.

The sisters do not know anything of Oscar when he talks about two of his shows (which are both productions of Shakespeare), and then starts to talk about how he wants to produce radio plays when he gets back to New York (it's always New York isn't it?). I'm just going to say this, a lot of this idle chat and I don't think some it is exactly relevant (unless Marc or Dan say otherwise), except for the fact it is building up the setting.

I do want to make a note and talk about a small smidget of information that is sewn in this part of the play aka Bertolt Brecht. Now, if you are not into a lot of European theatre or theatre, in general, you will not recognize the name. I didn't know his name because I am not into a lot of European plays. When rereading the script I thought something that specific must be something important or just a small easter egg for those into post-WWII theatre. Looking into him at first I was perplexed of why they would have him directly referenced in the script considering a quick scroll through his life on Wikipedia isn't that interesting besides the fact he was in America during the Red Scare and was blacklisted from movie studios before going in front of HUAC. It didn't catch my eye much until I read down to his form of theatre: Epic Theatre.

The way Epic Theatre flows is that is doesn't want you to connect with the characters emotionally, because it would leave them being content with the ending and who they are as people. Which I personally find really relevant to the way that Nicholas is written, and somewhat how the story is told overall in the series. Archive 81 is not told as a story but told as a way to make the listener uneasy. It is explained in the Wikipedia article that Epic Theatre was made to make sure the audience did not reach an emotional catharsis that would leave them complacent and content with the fake reality displayed in front of them. The point of this kind of story-telling is to get the audience to realize they can change their own reality and to fight against social injustice, which can sort of be seen in some of Archive 81. It’s less social injustice they are fighting, but things that want to kill them for, which is a monomyth and Epic Theatre hybrid. They do not make you feel satisfied, they make you see something real. The story is not supposed to be in a line, because nothing in real life is ever that straight forward. It’s one of the things I admire that Dead Signals does.

So, after that small tangent on that easter egg, let’s return to the main storyline. Oscar is in the twins’ Music-and-Theatre shop, talking to them. It is mostly a repeat of what was talked about in the rehearsal. The twins give Oscar the script with additional copies for his company. There is a little bit more dialogue exchanged, and then it moves onto a short commercial break. We are once back again with Amber Duke cigarettes! They are always allusive and I have a theory about what is in the cigarettes (which I can explain fully when we reach Season 3). After the break, we are once again shifted back into the story!

It starts in Black River Falls, a small farm off the side of a dirt road. Patricia and Oscar start the scene while talking about the cows, and the insurance they could claim because of the disease. It’s a basic small talk between two individuals that are under some duress because of their lifestyle is in jeopardy. Patrick (aka Oscar) in this scene starts going off about getting a “red cent” from Mutual, which when looking up the definition of red cent it takes on an interesting connotation. Red cent usually means, which means a small amount, which assumes that Patrick [Oscar] believes that their insurance will only give them a minimal amount. This disbelief in their insurance is concluded with a statement that if they see a red cent then he hopes the creatures from below come up and cause havoc. In which Martha’s [Patricia] response is interesting,

PATRICIA: You know words are gateways for those types of creature!

Which y’know, I personally find that intriguing, because they really push the importance of wording in this series. Considering a lot of the series includes rituals, phonetics is extremely important. You must be able to say the words correctly, with intent, and in the correct order. We can come back to how sometimes the wording in this play is very, very specific. (It has to do with the ending...) Now, enter young Alice, who was caught eavesdropping. She gets more “milk” and intrudes in on the conversation. She asks her “parents” why they had to kill their cows, in which Patrick [Oscar] responds,

OSCAR: We’re godsfearing people Alice, we fear gods. We fear leviathans. And rightfully so.

Now, that sounds very odd considering most farm folks believe in one god, but that’s only an assumption on my part. The odd part of the actual statement is the leviathans. To the people reading this thing without prior knowledge of any of the seasons won’t get why this is important separate information. We learn around Season 2 that in the water surrounding and underneath The City has leviathans. They are relevant because they cause fear in the many, many esoteric groups surrounding the Archive 81 universe.

Switching back to the radio play, Alice starts to ask about the cows. I only bring this up again because her phrasing is what made me consider that her upbringing wasn’t one of the average small town girl:

ALICE: What did we sacrifice them for? Now we ain’t gonna have a farm no more.

This is the main evidence of my theory that Alice’s family were tied to the esoteric arts for some reason, or most likely just Mark messing with our perception of them. The wording of that phrase was too important for me to overlook because if they have a disease it isn’t sacrifice. They are stopping an epidemic. It only gets weirder as Martha [Patricia] tries to get Alice to go back to bed. Patrick [Oscar] says some existential shit, “...[n]one of us are, we’re just the shadows of greater things livin’ in a world of shadows”, which kind of fucks you up in a sense (9). I personally think it’s a part of the ritual that this whole set up has been. Which shouldn’t be a surprise? The rest of his short-termed monologue is very much a ritualistic diatribe.

The conversation derails to the attic, again. Small talk ensues, in which we get more information on the attic: Alice has been in there before, it messes with her memories, and that she needs to keep it in the world. This really pushes my theory that the attic is tied to the travelers of The City, or that it is a portal like the Visser building (which we’ll cover soon).

Also, I wanted to go on a short tangent that Dead Signals loves counting steps as a method of measurement and it continues to make me excited every time it is included. For those who are unfamiliar with one of DS’s first projects, The Deep Vault, the character Jeremy counts the steps going down the bunker. (I totally didn’t add this section because I love gushing about Jeremy Thompson and John Maher) So yeah, if Marc or Dan are reading this, The Deep Vault is perfect and neither of you can say otherwise.

Moving on, after we finish the scene in the attic, CBS goes back to another commercial break. Lo and behold, another Amber Duke cigarettes ad. To be honest, it’s one of the more fucked up ones, so yeah, fun.

After the short ad, we are transported to a royal court. It’s supposed to be lavish, beautiful craftsmanship in every piece. The problem is that everything is rotting. Dust litters every surface in a semi-thin film. Inhabitants of the hall sit and dance, being jovial in their hovel. An unnamed Messenger interrupts the King and Queen. He brings upon a message of the chaos of the outer lands: the people are in revolt, whispers appear in their ears from creatures that are faceless with hands of glass and wings made of blood and feathers. The Queen is bored, she wants to ignore the Messenger. The King wants to do nothing, as he believes there is no problem to be had. His people should be grateful for him allowing them to exist in his kingdom.

We are told by the Messenger that the people are hungry, they starve in the streets while the royalty eats feasts. They are starting to realize that the system they live in is broken; the reality they live in is different than the stories they’ve been told. The people can no longer cope with this system. It’s harmful to their development as people. That severed connection is causing utter anarchism, beings talking about doom, violence breaks out. The countryside burns as we speak, as we listen.

The audience learns of a thief-king, an old enemy who waits in anticipation for their downfall. The King and Queen find it preposterous for that man to want more: they had paid him off and given him land. The Messenger continues, stating:

MARK: [laughs] Men like the thief-king are never satisfied. Men like the thief-king believe they are the only truly real beings in the world and they will not stop until their tumescent psyches hold sway over every being they see before them. The thief-king does not see reason, he views himself as reason and power and justice and truth and everything and-

I personally love how powerful that statement is, and the fact that the King [Oscar] interrupts him, makes me laugh. The Messenger just described the King himself, as well as his bastard son [Michael]. They are commandeering men who believe they are above it all, that they are the only true things on this earth. The thief-king is who Oscar Waters is. The King does not enjoy the description, so he sends for Dancer to chase this “unheralded” messenger. She is unable to because she sees visions when he speaks. The ballroom returns, as it was an original visage from before.

Dancer sees more, though. Oscar breaks character and tries to interfere, as this was not how he wanted the play to go. They continue after Mark keeps them on track. Dancer starts to explain what she sees: the Curator’s Museum, a Choir, roads, people, and leviathans. Mark explains that she sees The City, and we further learn that her parents had prepared her for this day. It is the main evidence towards my theory that her parents were fully into occult shit.

MARK: Rituals to make other rituals.

Alice is becoming a vessel for the contents of The City universe. Mark wants her to try and control it, contain it. She is unable to. Oscar tries to interrupt, but the radio starts to go haywire. We are met with a laughing Richard, who starts to muse about the black lung from Amber Duke, and how good they taste. We all die anyway...

We get shifted to an old-timey ad, one that made me incredibly excited to listen to. (I love Dan, okay.) The Announcer makes a small spiel about Dan, how he is the Mechanical Man, fleeing LMG. He is also fighting crime now? I don’t know. I would kill for a noir drama of Dan with his robot attachments. We are taken back to Oscar for a brief moment but what he says is something that makes no absolute sense.

Now we shift to the most fucked part of meeting Richard Thalberg. He laughs maniacally while talking about killing his father with a cigarette to the eye. It’s really fucked, but it still works so well with the Dead Signals aesthetic. We are then taken back to Mark, and he starts to explain what this was all for: for him to help Dan. As I’ve already stated, the whole play was a ritual, which could’ve already been implied by the way it reflected the people in the play. Now, Mark would do anything to help Dan, but we learn that he no longer has free will and that is how he time traveled to do this ritual.

There is more to this than just helping Dan, as this play was the catalyst for one of the most formidable suppliers in the occult shit, Patricia Roland. After she watches the events unfold of this ritual she decides to get lost in the esoteric world. We are not exactly met with her a lot until Season 3, but she is as popular as the Curator in the esoteric shit. It’s kind of interesting.

It doesn’t end there, this ritual does not come out without sacrifice. Oscar and Alice are scathed, which leads them to have a disgruntled child by the name of Michael. (He’s a huge dick.) There is something to say that Mark lost more than he gained but now he is a multi-being that is powerful enough to find his--their--best friend, so maybe he just gained a shitton more? He lost his humanity, but now they can help Dan. If they can, at all.

A quick thank you to anyone who lasted through this whole post because oh my god it got incredibly long! The next part of the timeline to be included will be the Visser building part of Season 1. I’m quite sure the Season 1, 2, and 3 bits will be the longest ones for this series. I’m sorry if any of this seemed incoherent or obnoxious, and I’m expecting that probably I speak like a hyperactive puppy so if you have any questions, send ‘em in! I plan to continue this series, but it’s going to take me a bit to go through Season 1 (and some of Season 2) for the full storyline following Melody. I am excited to see where this goes!

#archive 81 #explanation #archive 81 explanation #audio drama #i am quite annoying #stream of consciousness #explaining the whole archive 81 universe

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write-havoc · 6 years

Text

This Is How I Disappear Ch. 49

Summary: A girl named Chuck finds herself in the exact place she doesn't want to be, living with violent men in a desolate nursing home. After her former gym teacher finds her, will he be the savior she was looking for?

Fandom: The Walking Dead AU

Pairing: Negan/Original Female Character

Status: Completed (story continues in The Flame Is Gone, The Fire Remains)

Contains: swearing, violence, sexual assault, blood, smut

Intended for readers 18+ of age only

Masterlists in my bio

——— Negan’s POV ———

We pull up to Hilltop and I’m not fuckin’ looking forward to this shit. It’s not just a fuckin’ name, these people actually see me as a savior. I rescued their women. I got rid of that fuck Gregory. And Hilltop has been fuckin’ flourishing ever since.

Now I have to tell them I was ass rammed by fuckin’ Eldritch and they’re going to have to follow Gregory again.

Fuck. This whole fuckin’ thing is gonna kill me, I swear to god.

The guys on the gate let us in and we park the car. Jesus comes out of the main house and leads us back into his office. I tell my guys to hang back, so it’s just me and Jesus fuckin’ talking.

“Did the discussion with Eldritch last this long?” Jesus asks as he takes his seat behind the desk. I’ve been keeping in touch with him, so he knows I was set to meet Eldritch this morning. And it’s fuckin’ late now, so...

I answer him. “No. Some other shit happened after.” I let out a sigh. “I got some bad fuckin’ news.”

He looks at me kinda shocked. “Your wife-“

“No,” I cut him off before he can ask what I know he was gonna fuckin’ ask. “She’s okay as far as I can fuckin’ tell. I meant I have bad news for you.”

“What is it?”

“Gregory’s alive and working with fuckin’ Eldritch.“

He looks shocked for a second then scrunches up his face. “How did Gregory make it all the way back here from where he was dropped off alive? To my knowledge he’s never even killed a walker before.”

“That’s not the fuckin’ worst part. Eldritch wants me to pull my men out of all my outposts and put fuckin’ Gregory back in charge here.”

Jesus just stares at me before he finally calls out, “What?”

“I hate this just as fuckin’ much as you do, but we have to act like we’re fuckin’ complying until I get Chuck back. Which, speaking of, we found Eldritch’s base earlier today, so I’m already coming up with a plan to take him the fuck down.”

Jesus shakes his head. “I don’t like this. No one is going to like this.”

“I know. But this shit is temporary. I fuckin’ promise you that. I just need you to trust me and go along with this shit for a little while.”

He stares at me for a second before he nods once.

I scratch at my beard. “I need you to get rid of that radio equipment before Gregory gets here. I do not want him privy to my fuckin’ plans.”

“There’s this cabin I use nearby that Gregory never knew about. I can set the radio up in there so we can still keep in touch. I’ll find a way to keep it manned without Gregory knowing. When’s he coming here.”

“Any time tomorrow, I guess. Eldritch told me to have all my guys gone before our fuckin’ meet in two days. I’m guessing old Gregs’ll be here before then.”

“I’ll get everything moved out tonight.”

I nod. “Good. I know you guys here are farmers, but I might need you guys to fight for me if the fuckin’ time comes.”

“Of course. Your men have been teaching some of the people here how to fight. And I’m sure if you ask, they’ll want to help out.”

“Can you gather all your people outside? I should fuckin’ address them my-fuckin’-self with all this.” I stand up with a groan. I don’t wanna do this shit.

A few minutes later, everyone is gathered around me out on the lawn.

I raise my arms in the air to start. “As some of you no doubt know, The Sanctuary was attacked the other day. Not only that, but something very fuckin’ precious to me was taken at the same time. The man that dared to fuckin’ come at me went right for the lowest fuckin’ blow possible and kidnapped my pregnant wife.”

People gasp. Apparently most of them didn’t know that fuckin’ detail.

I continue. “Because this man Eldritch has my wife, he has made some demands of me. And given the fuckin’ current circumstances, I am inclined to go through with them. But I want to make this absolutely fuckin’ clear, this. is. temporary. Once I get my girl back, I will kill that motherfucker who did this and everything will go back to fuckin’ normal. And in the meantime, I won’t let anything happen to you guys. You’re my people no matter what, and I will protect you.” I suck in a breath. “But one of the demands that motherfucker made is for me to relinquish control of Hilltop.”

People start to look around fuckin’ confused. “To Jesus?” someone calls out.

I shake my head. “Back to Gregory,” I answer.

“What?!”

“No!”

“He’s back?!”

“Why him?!”

Everyone starts to talk all at once and I don’t fuckin’ blame them. This is their home and it’s being threatened.

I raise my hand to settle them the fuck down. “I know. I have no fuckin’ idea how that limp dick found his way to Eldritch, but he did. And they’re working together.”

“We can fight back!” someone yells. “We won’t let him ruin what we’ve built!”

“We will fight back,” I respond. “Just not yet.”

“We fight back now !” someone calls out.

“Don’t you understand!?” a female voice yells over everyone. The owner of the voice pushes herself through the crowd to stand by me.

It’s Lisa, the pregnant woman I had talked to several fuckin’ times. I had some explaining to do after I rejected her sister’s fuckin’ advances. But then I told Lisa about Chuck and how she’s pregnant with my kid, so she understood in the end why I didn’t fuck her sister’s brains out. We talked a lot about pregnancy after that. What Chuck was probably experiencing in her own pregnancy. How it changed Lisa’s relationship with her husband.

That was when me and Chuck were kinda fighting. I didn’t give Lisa all the fuckin’ details, but she knew something was up when I talked about her. She told me to be easy on Chuck because she was all hormonal and shit. It worked out in the end any-fuckin’-way, since after that, me and Chuck professed our fuckin’ love for one another. And we’ve been strong as shit since then.

Well, Lisa’s not fuckin’ pregnant anymore. She’s carrying her son in one arm and gesturing to the crowd with the other. “We can’t fight back because Eldritch could kill Negan’s pregnant wife! And I don’t want that on my head! Do you?!” She looks around, but no one will look her in the eyes, knowing she’s fuckin’ right. “Negan has done nothing but good for all of us. He’s saved our people. His men have trained us to defend ourselves. His trade agreement with Alexandria has given us medicine we’ve needed, different foods for our diets, tools to strengthen our walls. We owe him. We owe him our loyalty and we owe him our trust.” She turns around to look at me. “I’ll stand behind you and your decisions. I know you’ll do what’s best for everyone.”

Jesus jumps in. “I agree with Lisa. We should hold off on fighting until the right moment. Until then, we act like everything’s normal.”

Slowly, people get on board, after a bit more fuckin’ explaining. In the end, the hill-folk agree not to raise a fuckin’ stink when Gregory gets here. But they’re eager to fight. Especially after I told them that some of my guys that they’re pretty familiar with are fuckin’ missing and presumed dead by Eldritch’s hand. The fact that these pastoral motherfuckers are turning into little pit bulls just tickles my balls.

I leave Hilltop a little more fuckin’ hopeful than when I arrived. Not only do I not have to worry about the hill-folk going over to the dark side, but I can count them among my men that will fight for me.

But that little ray of fuckin’ sunshine doesn’t eclipse just how goddamn shitty everything is right now.

It’s fuckin’ late when I finally get home, but I’m not gonna fuckin’ sleep. Not now. I want to get started fuckin’ planning how to take down that shithead that’s fucking up my life. So I head off to Simon’s room to talk to him about it. I knock on his door and wait. I know he’s fuckin’ sleeping so I give him a minute to get the fuck up.

He finally answers the door in his boxers, his hair all fuckin’ crazy. Or crazier than normal, I guess.

“We gotta talk.” I move to push past him and into his room, but he stops me.

“Frankie and Tonya are sleeping,” he whispers and throws his thumb over his shoulder.

I peek my head in his room and see the former wives all cuddled up together on his couch. I fuckin’ forgot I sent them there.

“Get dressed and come to my office.”

I head upstairs and immediately go to my liquor cabinet to grab two glasses and a bottle of bourbon. I come back out to my desk and sit down to wait for Simon to get the fuck up here. By the time the door opens and he walks through it, I had already poured myself a drink and downed it. I slide his glass over to him as he sits in the chair across from me, but he pushes it back.

“I think 4am is a little early to start drinking,” Simon half jokes. That’s how he always was when shit got bad, joking to make sure my dark moods didn’t fuckin’ consume me. And I know he can sense that this shit happening right now could get pretty fuckin’ dark.

He might be right about it being early, but I pour myself another drink and toss it down my fuckin’ throat anyway. After I slam the glass down on my desk, I dig into my jacket pocket and fish out the picture of Chuck. I look at it for a second before I hand it to Simon without a word.

“Shit,” he whispers when he stares at it. “She looks...”

“Terrified?” I answer for him.

He looks up at me. “She doesn’t look hurt.” He holds the picture out to me again.

I scoff then take a swig straight from the bottle. “There’s that, I fuckin’ guess.” I take the picture back from him and put it in my pocket.

“What did Eldritch want?”

“Our guns. The outposts. Hilltop. And, oh yeah, weekly fuckin’ tribute,” I drone sarcastically.

“That all?” he jokes back with just as much sarcasm.

I let out a sigh. “He wants the guns in two fuckin’ days.” I scrub at my face. “Well... tomorrow now, I guess, since it is 4am. And we gotta get all the guys out of the fuckin’ outposts by then, too.”

“What about Hilltop?”

“We pull our men and leave the hill-folk. And fuckin’ Gregory is moving back in.”

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” he says with a groan.

“Nope.” I sigh. “But I talked to the hill-folk before I came here. And they’re gonna play their part.”

“Which is?”

“Lay back and think of England ‘til we get Chuck back,” I answer bluntly. It fuckin’ sucks that that’s my plan. But it’s all I got right now.”

“Shit,” Simon groans, obviously thinking that plan sucks ass. “Rick radioed earlier and talked about what you guys saw out there. And he said he found a place to set up near Eldritch’s compound. He’s got a generator and all that so he can get the radio up and running in the morning. So,” he looks at his watch, “in a few hours.”

I nod. He’s all up to speed, I guess. “There’s no fuckin’ way we can attack that compound head on. The dead’ll fuckin’ swarm us before we even get to it.”

He nods. “The tunnel any easier?”

“It’s heavily fuckin’ guarded. And that’s just what we can see. Who knows how many guys are just fuckin’ waiting inside the tunnel with machine guns and shit. We could be walking into a goddamn death trap. Besides, any attack is too dangerous with Chuck still in there. If Eldritch sees us coming, he might fuckin’ hurt her.” I rub at my eyes. Shit, I’m tired. But I gotta get this shit done. “We have to wait until Chuck is safe before we make our move.”

“Is Eldritch gonna exchange her for the weapons?”

“I hope so. But I’m not fuckin’ sure. He said I’d get Chuck when our deal is done. That might mean when he gets the fuckin’ guns. It might mean when he gets our tribute.”

The thought of Chuck being away from me for another fuckin’ week makes me want to tear my whole office apart and bring Lucille down on anything that’s left. But I gotta keep it together. I gotta be able to fight.

Simon itches at his cheek and tries to sound hopeful. “Maybe we’ll get her back tomorrow. Maybe he’ll hand her over when he gets the guns.”

“It wouldn’t be the play I’d make,” I say flatly. It’d be fuckin’ stupid for him to lose that leverage so quick.

“You wouldn’t’ve kidnapped a pregnant girl in the first place.”

I shrug before I take another swig from my bottle. “I want to attack that piece of shit the second Chuck is back here safe and fuckin’ sound. So we need to get ready in the event that that fuckin’ happens tomorrow.”

“What’s the plan?”

I let out a heavy breath and gesture to Simon. “We gotta come up with one.”

“Hmm.” He rubs down his mustache. “You said going in through the front is a no-go. We got any idea how many men are in that compound?”

“Nope. They got all the windows covered pretty much, so we can’t see shit inside. Chuck’s fuckin’ window was uncovered, so I saw her.”

“Really?”

I nod, but I don’t want to go any further into it, so I change the subject back. “But everything else is just a fuckin’ guess. And that place is fuckin’ huge. He could have five hundred men in there, for all we fuckin’ know.”

“We’ll have to lure them out somehow.”

“Hmm.” I rub my chin as I think it over. But then a thought comes to me and I start to smile. “Or not.”

“Whatcha thinking?”

“We use those fuckin’ dead against them.” I can tell he’s fuckin’ confused so I elaborate. “We close off that tunnel somehow. Maybe block it off with a truck or something. Then use some of those fuckin’ explosives we got and blow fuckin’ holes in the side of that building. The dead’ll file the fuck in and kill off the vast majority of those motherfuckers without us having to do shit. We wait around, see if any of those fuckers come out alive and take them down.”

“How are we gonna get explosives anywhere near that building?”

“Gut up. Wander through the dead and plant the bombs on a remote trigger or some shit. I bet that mullet weirdo can rig that shit up.”

“Gut up? There’s a reason we stopped doing that shit.”

I fuckin’ know what he’s talking about. When we figured out that the fuckin’ biters don’t go after their own, we would have guys cover themselves in the gross ass guts of the dead to get into overrun places. But some of the guys got fuckin’ sick. One even died, so we never did that shit again.

“I fuckin’ know there’s a risk. But we can do it better than we used to. Maybe they can not get it on their fuckin’ skin or something.” I run my hand through my hair, thinking of how this could fuckin work. “Wait. Don’t we have some of those latex sex suits from that time someone thought it’d be fuckin’ hilarious to empty out a sex store?”

Simon chuckles. “Yeah. They’re in storage. No one wanted that shit at the market.”

“My guys can put that shit on under their clothes. And use masks and shit so they don’t actually touch the fuckin’ guts. That should be safe.”

Simon looks down and shakes his head before he looks back to me. “And who exactly is gonna do this, Negan? Gut up. Walk through a herd with a literal fuckin’ bomb. Then walk back out before it explodes?” He shakes his head again. “No one will volunteer for that shit.”

That sets me off and I slam my fist down on the desk. “Then I’ll do it my-fuckin’-self!”

Simon stares at me for a second. “No. I’ll do it before you will. You’re too important here.” He looks away for a second. “You have a kid on the way.”

I shake my head and rub the back of my neck, calming myself down. “I think this is the only fuckin’ plan we got, Simon. How the fuck else are we gonna go in stealth and get past the fuckin’ dead? We don’t have time for the recon that would lead to a better fuckin’ plan.”

He lets out a heavy breath. “You’re right.”

“So today, we get fuckin’ busy. I need all the guys pulled from the outposts. And I need the lieutenants to empty their stockpiles and bring that shit back here.”

Each lieutenant is responsible for one stockpile and each stockpile is hidden out near one of the outposts. Only me, Simon, and the lieutenants even know about the extra weapons. And the lieutenants only know about their stockpile. The lieutenants are my most trusted guys, so I know they would never mouth off about it.

I continue, “The shit in the armory, the shit Conner told Eldritch about, gets moved into a truck so I can head out tomorrow with it. Then the stockpile weapons can get put back in the armory for when we attack.”

“Okay.” Simon nods.

“Gather the guys at sun up in the meeting room so we can discuss this shit with them. Get stuff moving along.”

The whole rest of the day goes fuckin’ quick. I get my guys all together and tell them about everything. They’re fuckin’ shocked at first when I tell them that we’d be handing over our entire fuckin’ armory, but when I said we still have plenty of guns off site, they fuckin’ settle. Besides, we’ll get all those fuckin’ guns back when we kill all those motherfuckers. Which is a point I fuckin’ stress. We are not giving up the fuckin’ fight. And my guys see that.

I send my lieutenants out to empty their outposts and bring back their stockpiles. I tell them to be fuckin’ discrete about it in case Eldritch is watching. I don’t think he fuckin’ is. Especially since my guys watching the tunnel said not many people have fuckin’ come in and out. I bet that motherfucker Eldritch is just sitting back fuckin’ congratulating himself on a job well fuckin’ done already. Seems the fuckin’ type to celebrate before he gets over the goddamn finish line.

I go over the plan with my guys about gutting up and placing explosives on the building and it goes over better than I thought it fuckin’ would. Sure, some guys speak up about how insane it fuckin’ is, but in the end, three guys volunteer to do it without fuckin’ prompting. One of them being José. I know he feels fuckin’ guilty about losing Chuck on his watch. And part of me want to blame him, but part of me knows it wasn’t really his fuckin’ fault.

I got Eugene working on remote detonators for our explosives. He’s even come all the way out here to fuckin’ do it. And he’s fuckin’ assuring me that those bombs’ll be completely safe to carry around until the damn button is pushed.

I work out all the details with my men, then go over the plan again and again until everyone knows exactly what’s gonna happen. This shit could go off tomorrow night if I get Chuck back at our meeting. If not, we’ll have more fuckin’ time to go over it.

Late that night, Jesus calls on the radio. He says that Gregory got there and moved right the fuck back in like nothing happened. The hill-folk are pissed about it, but they’re not fuckin’ raising a stink. They’re trying to act like shit’s normal, too.

I tell Jesus about my plan and he says he’d do anything to help. He’s fuckin’ eager to get past this shit. He says he doesn’t fuckin’ trust Gregory and I don’t fuckin’ blame him. Gregory won’t stand up to Eldritch. And I have no doubt in my mind that Eldritch would gut Hilltop, too, in the end.

But that’s not gonna fuckin’ happen. I’m gonna stop it. I save people and I keep them safe. I’m gonna stop Eldritch. And I’m gonna get Chuck back.

——— ———

The blanket they provided Chuck is scratchy, but she has no choice but to use it. Despite wrapping it around her tightly, it barely kept her warm enough all night. And she’s still cold with it wrapped around her now, even though the sun is shining bright outside her window. It doesn’t help matters that the nightgown that she’s still wearing does nothing to keep the cool air away.

No one had provided her any other clothes, so she is still in the thin white satin nightgown that Eldritch had made her wear the night before. And she hates it. It makes her feel more in display here. Whenever one of Eldritch’s men looks in to check on her, his eyes seem to linger. It disgusts Chuck every time.

That’s the other reason she’s huddled in her scratchy blanket, sitting underneath the window. To cover herself from unwanted gazes.

The door opens and she turns away from whoever would be looking in on her. Just like every other time.

“Chuck?” that familiar voice that she never wants to hear almost whispers to her.

She turns her head to see Andy standing directly in front of her now closed door. Instantly, she stands and her heart starts to race. She remembers how angry Andy’s brother was the last time they were in here. If Andy held even half of that anger, Chuck has cause to worry about why he is standing before her.

He holds his hands up. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“What are you doing?” she asks hurriedly.

“I-I wanted to talk to you.”

She tightens the blanket around herself. “Why?”

Andy looks straight into her eyes. “I don’t hate you the way Conner does. Okay? I don’t blame you for what you did.”

Chuck looks away, ashamed a herself for her previous actions. “You don’t?”

“No.”

Chuck looks back up to him. “I’m sorry for what I did. It was wrong. And I should’ve apologized sooner. I really should’ve. But I was so embarrassed.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t need to apologize, Chuck. I was angry at first, but that was before I knew what you went through. Simon set me straight, though. I mouthed off about you at one of his poker games and he had me up against the wall by my neck in a split second. He told me what you went through before you came here. And that you had like a PTSD episode when you attacked me.”

Chuck lets out a breath. “It’s your voice,” she explains quietly. “It sounds like one of the guy’s... When I heard it... I just freaked out.”

“I’m sorry,” he says genuinely.

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve what I did.”

“I’m fine.” He smiles at her. “Barely a scar.”

“Still...” She shrugs.

Andy continues. “I wasn’t angry after what Simon told me. And I tried to explain it to Conner, but he wouldn’t listen. He hated that Negan didn’t punish you more. He said that Negan was ‘forsaking his men for some pussy’.” Andy shakes his head. “Conner has been questioning Negan for a while. Then when he didn’t punish you... he just snapped.” He looks back up to Chuck. “But I don’t want to see you get hurt. You or the baby.”

“If you don’t agree with Conner, why are you here?”

“He’s is my only family. He practically raised me. I have to follow him.”

“You don’t, Andy. You can do your own thing.”

He stares at Chuck for a moment then starts to shake his head. “I have to follow him, Chuck. I’m sorry. But I have to.” He turns and leaves without another word.

Later that night, Eldritch comes to collect Chuck for dinner. Apparently this is the routine now. Eldritch would come to her room with a new dress which Chuck changes into, then they eat dinner.

So Chuck, dressed in her light pink dress, sits in her seat at the corner of the table as they are served their meal. Eldritch, wearing a tight cream colored henley and dark green pants, is at the head of the table. And he’s in a very good mood, his smile not fading since he collected her.

“How is the meal, Red?” he asks cheerfully partway through the meal.

“Very good,” she responds with barely any emotion as she pokes at the food with her fork.

He chuckles lowly. “You don’t seem to be enjoying it.”

“It’s very good,” she repeats.

His smile falls slightly and he runs his hand over his slicked back hair. “You’re not excited about tomorrow?”

She looks up, unsure of what she should say. If she says no, he may get angry. But she can’t force herself to say yes. She’s most certainly not excited about her people having to hand over their weapons to this man. And she knows that is what’s going to happen tomorrow.

“I expect an answer,” he says forcefully when she doesn’t give one.

“No,” she quietly replies.

He stares at her for a moment, his face now cold. “Come here.” He points his finger to the ground at his left.

Chuck pushes her chair out slowly and moves to stand beside the man. But he doesn’t say anything further. He just continues to eat slowly as Chuck stands awkwardly beside him. When he finishes his meal, he pushes his chair out and points to the floor directly in front of his spread legs.

Chuck is shaking as she obeys his silent order and steps closer to him. She’s afraid of what might happen next.

He stares up at her for a moment before he pats his right leg, signaling for her to sit on his lap.

She shakes her head and casts her eyes to the floor. “Please...”

Eldritch suddenly grabs her arm and pulls her into him to sit his right thigh. She tries to pull away, but his grip on her is much too strong. Both of his arms snake around her and pull her into his chest. Again, she still tries to push herself away from his contact, but can’t manage to separate herself from him.

“Stop,” he growls and squeezes her even more.

The pain of it takes the fight out of her. He could easily hurt her much more, or the baby if he so wanted, so Chuck stops struggling, though she continues to quietly whimper in fear.

Eldritch’s grip goes slack, but Chuck doesn’t dare to move. He finally pushes her to sit up and wrenches her face in his direction so she has no choice but to look at him.

“Do not disobey me ever again, Red,” he growls.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out as tears stream down her face.

His expression suddenly lightens and he brings his hand up to wipe her cheeks softly. “Don’t be upset. Tomorrow will be an amazing day. And afterwards, nothing will be able to stop me. With Negan’s guns in my possession and my undead soldiers, I can rule this land the way it should be ruled. This is just the beginning.”

Chuck sniffles and lowers her head to wipe her nose.

Eldritch nudges her chin back up to look at him. “You should be happy, Red. All of this is because of you. I was wracking my brain for weeks thinking of a way to take down Negan. But then Conner and Andy told me about you. And this .” He puts his hand on her belly. “If Negan didn’t have this weak spot, he probably would be unstoppable. So thank you , Miss Charlotte,” he emphasizes the phrase just to get to her. “You have made everything I’ve done possible.”

Chuck stares back at him in shock. She had never really thought about it like that. And now that he’s put that in her mind, she is filled with guilt.

“Now, now,” he wipes her cheeks again, “let’s get you ready for bed.”

Once again, Chuck allows Eldritch to undress her in her room and put her nightgown on. The whole time, Chuck’s mind wanders to Negan.

Is Negan alright? Does he blame me for all this? Does he even miss me?

I miss him so much. It’s only been a few days, but that’s longer than we’ve been separated for a while.

I love him more than anything. I just want to go home...

Chuck is brought out of her thoughts when she realizes that Eldritch has leaned down close to her, one hand on the side of her neck and his other on her hip. She is terrified, but frozen in fear.

He places his lips close to her ear to whisper, “I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner.” His lips linger a moment before they move to kiss her cheek softly.

Chuck squeezes her eyes shut and doesn’t open them again until well after she hears Eldritch exit and the click of the lock on her door.

#negan #negan fanfiction #negans thirst squad #negan x oc #negan x original female character #negan x ofc #negan / ofc #negan / oc #negan / original female character #jdm #jeffrey dean morgan #the walking dead fanfiction #the walking dead au #the walking dead #this is how i disappear #tihid #writehavoc writes #writehavoc this is how i disappear

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ninawritesastory · 6 years

Text

Kenny Headcanons

Since it’s Kenny’s birthday, I figured now would be as good a time as any to post some headcanons I have about him.

- Kenny has issues with financial security, so throughout middle school and high school he works three to four semi-steady sort of jobs and takes on a number of by-contract type of jobs. The semi-steady jobs are: waiter/busboy at City Wok, newspaper delivery, farmhand at Farmer Bill’s, and seasonal work picking fruit/veggies at local orchards/farms. The by-contract jobs can range from fake dating to fixing bikes to landscaping, and Kenny develops a wide and diverse skill set.

- He saves up at least half of every paycheck he gets and rotates between three separate funds: Karen’s college fund, the apartment/house fund, and his own college fund.

- Throughout college (and the rest of his life), Kenny is constantly diversifying his income sources. They range from ordinary jobs to online ventures to babysitting to stocks to eventually opening several of his own businesses (each in a different niche). He does a lot of freelance writing and journalism, and becomes pretty good with a camera in order to increase his profitability.

- Kenny spends a LOT of time on teach-yourself type websites. He watches a shit-ton of tutorials on YouTube and the like, reads every how-to book he can get his hands, and learns from observation when he can.

(Putting the rest under a read more because there are A LOT.)

- He has Dissociative Identity Disorder, and goes between three distinct main alters: there’s Kenny, Mysterion, and Princess. Normally Kenny’s the host and therefore the one fronting most of the time, with Mysterion taking over from time to time---particularly when they’re confronted with any sort of danger. Princess rarely takes control, and it’s unclear what sort of circumstances trigger her. She’s most likely to take over around Karen, though. He doesn’t have any blackout amnesia issues when he switches with Mysterion or Princess, but the memories they acquire take on a sort of third-person POV feel, kind of like Kenny’s watching them instead of physically being part of them.

- Going off that, Kenny’s system, while small, is very fluid. He’s aware of his main alters (there are a handful of lesser developed alters he’s unaware of that hold particularly traumatizing memories but they virtually never front) and most of his switches are planned. However, both Mysterion and Princess are capable of keeping certain memories from him if they deem it necessary.

- Mysterion is built largely out of Kenny’s heroic tendencies and sense of justice. He’s probably the most serious of the three, and holds the lion’s share of Kenny’s leadership skills. Princess has most of Kenny’s cunning and manipulative behaviors. If Kenny decides to use less-than-moral methods to achieve his goals, it’s highly likely that Princess will be the one to handle those situations. In a lot of ways, she’s Mysterion’s opposite. However, she also takes on a lot of Kenny’s more nurturing and empathetic feelings.

- They are all fucking reckless as hell, but in different ways. Kenny’s reckless in that he places absolutely no value on his own life. Considering he comes back every time he dies, Kenny is willing to try a lot of dangerous stuff ranging from stupid stunts to drugs and beyond. Mysterion is constantly on his case about it, considering he was formed initially as a protector identity. Unlike Kenny, Mysterion’s recklessness is calculated: since he’s aware that death isn’t final for them, he’s willing to put himself into more danger than others and uses it to his advantage in combat. Princess’ reckless tendencies come from her empathy; she’s way more willing to take chances and risks emotionally than either Kenny or Mysterion. Anytime Kenny makes progress in his interpersonal relationships, that’s a result of her influence.

- Due to the separation between himself and his alters, Kenny doesn’t really view himself in a very positive light. In his mind, Mysterion’s the brave hero who’s done so much for the town and Princess is the intelligent, confident, caring one. He sees himself more as a bad influence and perpetual screw-up.

- Kenny and Princess are both pansexual, but Mysterion is straight. Kenny’s demiromantic and both Princess and Mysterion are aromantic. It kind of makes relationships a bit of a challenge, especially when Kenny develops a romantic attraction to another guy.

- Fucking loves 80s remixes of pop songs. His favorite is the one with Alejandro by Lady Gaga. Aside from that, Kenny’s taste in music is very eclectic.

- His fashion sense is both fucking amazing and semi-questionable at times. You can actually kind of tell who’s more in control on a particular day based on how Kenny’s dressed. If it’s a more masculine sort of outfit, that’s Mysterion; more feminine, that’s Princess; a weird mix of both, that’s Kenny. The kid will wear fishnets under ripped jeans and a croptop when left to his own devices.

- Kenny lets his hair grow out to about his collarbones. Mysterion can just put it into a ponytail and Princess is quite fond of parting it into a set of cute bushy pigtails.

- While Kenny engages in a few pseudo-relationships and some not-so-safe sex throughout his teen years, he eventually develops feelings for Butters and falls hard for him. Even though he doesn’t really know about the whole DID and alters thing, Butters is really good at picking up on the subtleties of Kenny’s switches.

- He is severely nihilistic. The constant dying-and-reviving thing has really warped his perception and value of the world.

- Kenny has a weakness for cute things. It has nothing to do with Princess, he just loves cute stuff. The kid would have eighty-seven of those phone charms shaped like food with the cute smiling faces on them if he had the money.

- He was conceived in that ritual the Cult of Cthulhu got his parents into, and he’s supposed to be a sort of portal through which Cthulhu can properly enter the mortal realm. (Kind of in the same vein as the whole Raven/Trigon thing in Teen Titans.) This would actually permanently kill Kenny. It’s supposed to come to fruition on Kenny’s 18th birthday.

- Kenny has violet eyes as a result of Cthulhu’s interference. His eyes glow a bit in the dark and when he’s feeling intense emotion.

-Kenny has the potential to go full-on Eldritch Abomination if he’s pushed far enough.

- Despite his poor self-image, Kenny still has a firm moral compass and desire to do good. He will willingly sacrifice himself to save his friends without any influence from Mysterion. He’s very protective of the people he cares about, and places far greater value in their lives and continued survival than he does in his own. (This will continue even after the curse is broken.)

- He grows up to have a facial structure very similar to his father’s. Kenny shaves religiously in order to avoid any further resemblance to the man. (Which is kind of a shame, since he personally thinks he’d look good with a beard. But he can’t get past the strong resemblance, so no beards for him.)

- Kenny would love to be a housewife. However, an entire childhood of abject poverty has left him with a lot of mental blocks preventing him from enjoying that kind of life. Kenny needs to be bringing in a certain amount of income or he starts to get anxious.

- He loves to sing. He’ll sing pretty much anything, but only when he’s alone. People have caught him humming to himself in public, though. He has a great voice, and come middle school it becomes the music teacher’s mission to get Kenny into the choir. His range is enviable and his lung capacity is the stuff of legends.

- Kenny doesn’t play any sports in school due to the expense, but he joins a few intramural teams where the cost is much less. He really likes soccer. He also learns archery, and gets inspired by Lars Andersen, so he gets really fucking good at more medieval style archery.

- The boy never gets past 5’6’’. He doesn’t eat nearly enough or nearly well enough to gain much in the way of height. While he’s not the shortest guy in school (that would Kevin Stoley), he’s dwarfed by most of his friends. It’s a point of contention with him, and he hates when people point it out.

- Kenny and Kevin were very close when they were little, even sharing a room, but when Kenny started to die on a regular basis, Kenny was put in his own room and the two had a falling out when Kevin couldn’t remember any of his deaths. When he gets a bit older, Kenny regrets the fight and wishes he could be that close to his brother again, but instead tries to emulate that relationship with Karen.

- Kenny’s closest to his mother, and she’s his preferred parent. She’d be his go-to parent if he felt he could rely on his parents for decent advice or help. He loves her very much and wants to get her out of poverty, too. The fact that there’s not all that much he can really do to help her is a bit of a sore spot, which feeds into why he’s so focused on taking care of Karen.

- His likelihood of being killed skyrockets on his birthday. As a result, Kenny has never had a birthday party by any stretch of the phrase, he’s never received a single birthday present (although most people swear they gave him one), and he’s grown to kind of hate his birthday. He’s taken to hiding out in his room if he can manage it, but that’s not always successful.

- Kenny goes through a severe nihilistic phase in middle school (around sixth grade, actually) where he doesn’t even bother to try. He ends up borderline-failing everything and starts smoking and hanging out with the goths in order to bitch about how much life sucks. (Butters ends up getting sick of it around April of that school year and essentially manhandles Kenny back into giving a shit about school and life in general.)

- As he gets older, Kenny’s friendships start to shift. He hangs out with Stan and Kyle less and starts hanging out with Craig, Tweek, Bebe, and Red more often. (Ironically all four are the only ‘out’ kids in their class.) He drops Cartman altogether.

- Kenny and Red end up fake dating for nearly a year in order to get Red’s dad off her back. (He doesn’t take her coming out as a lesbian very well, and it’s either pretend to be straight with Kenny or try to dodge her dad’s underhanded efforts to ‘straighten her up’.) This is what spawns the whole ‘fake dating’ business Kenny ends up running throughout high school. He even starts to plan switches with Princess in order to help the guys out, too.

- Kenny has seriously considered applying to Raisins.

#kenny mccormick #sp kenny #i love this kid he's my favorite #happy birthday kenny #headcanons

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fablegate · 6 years

Note

7, 15, 16, 18, 22, 38, 39, 42, 44 45, 47, 48, 56, 60 for Abell, Headless, and Omnius? Hey, if you think this is a lot, just thibk that this is perfect for character build, and that someone some LOVES your creations and yourself :D

hooly dooly! okie dokie lemme just go ahead aaaand

There we go alright then!

Abell

7. How does you character feel about their name?

He likes his name! Short, simple, easy to remember.

15.What music genre would your character listen to?

Probably some classical music. And opera. Lots of opera.

16.What other fictional characters remind you of your character?

If you asked me this when I made Abell’s original design I would tell you Death from the Darksiders series. But, now? Abell’s really become his own character now. I don’t think I could really compare him to another. (not off the top of my head anyway)

18.How would your character feel about having their life recorded?

He’s already got someone recording it. Historians+reporters and all that.

22.What is the worst thing your character has ever done?

indirect human sacrifice

38. What role does your character play in their story?

Main protag alongside Eden! Indirect antagonist at some parts.

39.What would be your character’s niche on Tumblr?

So. Many. History vids.

42.What would be your character’s dream career?

once again spoilers! But, he is currently living the dream career!

44. What is your character proud of?

Oh a whole bunch of things! But to narrow it down to two: He’s incredibly proud of Eden as well as what he’s able to do for his people.

45.What would your character change about themselves?

Looking back on his life he would probably want to be a more capable fighter.

47. What fandoms would your character be in?

Are there history and opera fandoms? There you go.

48.How would your character type?

Very blunt and to the point. Always full sentences with the occasional emojis that he’d find either cute or funny.

56.What’s one of your character’s quirks?

He plays with his hair a lot when he thinks no one is looking

60.If you could title your character’s life, what would you title it?

“Against My Better Judgement, I Am Now Everyone’s Father.”

Headless:

7. Probably does not give two shits about it. So long as it ain’t his old name, he’s good.

15. Old folk, sing by the fireside kind of songs.

16. Besides his inspiration(Headless Horseman)? Again, none I can think of at the top of my head.

18. Oh, hell no. He would not want just anyone getting to know his entire life story.(too bad for him he doesn’t get a choice)

22. I mean he murdered a lot in his old life but that was survival over anything else. Um…he eats other eldritch?(their version of cannibalism is a little weird I’ll explain later)

38. He starts out being the main antagonist only to end up One of the Two main protags. Outside close friendships however he’s still viewed as the big bad that needs to be taken down in the end.

39. Pink. Weapons. Sweaters.

42. In his old life he wanted to be a lone farmer(he wasn’t opposed to having a family though). In his current life, he’s working on becoming the most powerful being in this universe. He is steadily getting there.

44. Some of that falls under personal shit he will never tell you. But he holds a great pride for how far he’s gotten in life.

45. At this point nothing. Though, there are moments when he thinks it’d have been better if he had just stayed the bad guy.

47. Stranger Things. Star vs The Forces of Evil. maybe X-Files on the side

48. You’ll never get just one block of text from him it’ll be like he kept hitting enter key too soon and had to quickly finish his sentence. Lots of emojis.

56. He likes to keep his eyes around his shoulders and neck for the most part and he never blinks them all at the same time.

60. “I Was Supposed To Be The Villain and Look Where That Got Me.”

Omnius

7. Should he change it? It is too obvious? Does it give him away?

15. Everything. Not by choice.

16. His inspiration (The Speaker from Destiny)

18. He would actually be amazed someone managed to write it all down before burning it.

22. For it was wiping the memory of himself from his best friend(and everyone else but whatevs)

38. He doesn’t really…have one yet? He’s probably a background character you meet for a short time but at no point until near the end does the story really focus on who he is.

39. Cloaks and space theme. Would not post very often.

42. Anything other than what he’s doing now.

44. Holy shit he got away with it. (besides that, me and @alanide talked about Omnius punching her Chronos. I’d put that up there as well)

45. He’s already done it, technically.

47. All of them. Not by choice.

48. If by choice it’d be only once and it’d be “Dear Gald, call me so I never have to do this again.”

56. He’s a nervous person WHO NEVER FUCKING FIDGETS AND IT’S REALLY WEIRD WHERE DOES ALL THAT NERVOUS ENERGY GO?!

60. “How to Avoid Cannibalism Without Really Trying.”

#these were really fun to answer #oc #demon oc #Abell #Headless #god oc #Omnius

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yourplayersaidwhat · 7 years

Text

We had just finished our first quest, where none of us really were experienced DnD player, and I did some feeble attempts at solid DM'ing. The goal of the quest had been to find an antidote for a farmer’s son who had gone into a magical coma.

(ps: due to an inside joke, Winnie the Pooh is in the party like, just there. Christopher Robin is the farmers son who fell ill. The party coloured winnie the pooh neon pink. I don’t know why.)

DM: You reach the farm. You don’t have to roll shit to figure out these peeps are poor. They have a cow and a goat in a small pen that don’t look too hot. Oh, and there’s a donkey tied by the door to their shedlike home.

Elf Ranger: guys i think these peeps are super poor.

Half-Elf Cleric (only good aligned partymember): oh my god really????

DM: just as you say that, the door creaks open, and a thin, a bit aged man peeks out, and when he sees you, his eyes go wide and he steps fully outside, and he says “Are you the ones my daughter sent to- have you found it? Did you find the antidote for my son?”

Half-Elf Cleric: Hello we are here to speak to you about Jesus Christ- I mean, Njord. That’s my deity, right?

Elf Ranger: Yeah, the word of Njord.

Dward Fighter (whose alignment is sorta fuzzy): Yeah we got some antidote dude but uhh time cough up some gold pieces, aight

DM: So- these news fills him with both glee and fear. He sinks down on his feet-

Half-Elf Cleric: What was he on before

DM: -His knees. He sinks down on his knees, and he brings his hands together in your typical prayer like- he’s begging you. “Please, we have… nothing.”

Tiefling Warlock (Chaotic Neutral): sad trombone

DM: “Please, I- I have but one son, he and my daughter are- we won’t be able to do the amount of work- we need him!”

Tiefling Warlock: “Shall we move on, my fellows?”

DM: As you guys speak about this, Winnie the Pooh slides down from /Half-Elf Cleric/’s shoulders, where he’s been perched, and sort of waddles forward, past the begging father, and into the house, to join Christopher Robin.

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWWWWW

Dwarf Fighter: Ey he didn’t swipe the antidote from us, did he?

DM: No- no, you still got that.

Tiefling Warlock: I would’ve Eldritch Blasted his ass if he had.

Half-Elf Cleric: I think we should just give them the antidote.

DM: Like- just to clarify: the antidote is not like- a valuable thing. It’s just this one specific conconction for this particular- you won’t get more cash out of this anywhere else, nobody is gonna run up to you and go “oh, my father is in a magical coma and needs an antidote that-!” like. It’s literally worthless except for these people.

Tiefling Warlock: But we won't have to help someone pro bono.

Half-Elf Cleric: *annoyed sigh* I don’t give a damn about money.

Everyone except her: *horrified gasps*

Dwarf Fighter: … well, you guys do got a nice ass-

Everyone: WHAT

Dwarf Fighter: the donkey. You got a nice donkey.

DM: You… want the donkey.

Half-Elf Cleric: IS IT EEYORE

Everyone: YES we want the donkey.

DM: … The man looks at the donkey and then at you, and he goes “I- If it is a trade between the life of my son and my donkey, it’s- then it’s yours.” And- and Eeyore looks up at you all-

Everyone: YES IT’S EEYORE

DM: -and he goes “I figured I was going to get sold anyway…”

Half-Elf Cleric: AWWW

DM: and the farmer goes “AAA” cus he didn’t know he had a talking donkey

Dwarf Fighter: eyy hasn’t he seen Shrek talking donkeys means cash

DM: yeah well that doesn’t matter now cus he’s giving him to you guys

Dwarf Fighter: right you are

DM: and the man unties Eeyore and he sighs deeply and he goes “this surely won’t make things easier for us… but in exchange for my son… *sigh*”

Tiefling and Dwarf: oh stop moping around jesus hell

Half-Elf Cleric: EYY if I have a ‘set of commoners clothes’ can i give them to them cus they look poor right

DM: I guess

Half-Elf Cleric: EYYYYYYYYYYYY

DM: but then you’d be naked

Half-Elf Cleric: NÄÄÄIJ in that case fuck it you don’t get shit i’m sorry i tried

DM: -and you just start taking of your clothes to give them to the man, but you realise halfway through what you’re doing and you get dressed again

Tiefling: cover yourself, woman

DM: so- let me get this straight. You guys literally have a box on wheels that you pull along with you, and it is filled… with the golden heads of a pair of statues AND YOU WANNA TAKE THIS POOR FAMILYS DONKEY.

Tiefling: survival of the fittest, honey *grabs rope with Eeyore on the other end*

-they go inside and give Christopher Robin the antidote-

Christopher Robin: what the fuck

DM: And the family all rejoice at the awakening of their son, and they turn and thank you, and they’re in the middle of hugging you all when the farmer murmurs “They… they took the donkey.” and the whole family just. Goes quiet-

Dwarf Fighter: fucking tattletale?

DM: - and the mother sort of sinks down on her chair and she whisperes “How will we surviv-”

Tiefling: Oh for fucks- “look, woman, if you don’t shut up I’ll Eldritch Blast your ass-”

Half-Elf Cleric: “HEY WHAT”

DM: The woman gasps loudly and pales-

Dwarf Fighter: “Yo what’s the problem don’t you want a talking donkey”

Half-Elf Cleric: “I meant the whole threatening to KILL HER actually”

Tiefling: “I wasn’t threatening her, I was just stating a fact”

DM: That if she wouldn’t shut up you’d kill her?

Tiefling: It’s a very known fact.

DM: Winnie the Pooh is looking at Christopher Robin with such glee; it’s really indescribable how happy he’s looking, and he’s hopping around happily and he’s climbing up on the bed to give him a big old hug, and Christopher Robin, he goes- “What the- could you guys like take the bear away from me.”

Everyone: “WHAT”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Isn’t he like with you?”

Christopher Robin: “Wh- no? I just went into the woods and he just came up to me, and I found this ruin and he just followed me? And then I got stung by something and that’s all I remember? Could you like take him away he’s a bit creepy. And why is he pink?”

Half-Elf Cleric: “Well uhh he’s yours now. You don’t have a donkey anymore, so-”

DM: And this sorta comes as news to him cus when the father told the fam he had just woken up so he was a bit disoriented so now he goes “Wh-Why is-? What happened to our donkey?” And the father, he goes “Well, son, it was their demand to give you the antidote… and-”

Tiefling: “By the way… can we get this transaction on paper?”

DM: - and the boy turns to you incredulously, and he goes “But-! You can’t! We need that donkey, without it we’ll die!”

Dwarf: “You’re young and strong, boy, time to saddle up.”

Tiefling: “You got a bear now.”

DM: - And Christopher Robin starts to cry too, and he goes “You might’ve saved our lives, but you’ve killed our family-”

Dwarf: “Anywho, gots to go.”

DM: So, you go to leave the shedlike home, and the athmostphere is next to devastated-

Dwarf: “Okay, okay, I ain’t okay with this. We go here and save your life, and you guys are devastated? Really?”

Tiefling: “I agree entirely. Ungrateful runt.”

Cleric: “I-”

DM: “And Chrisopher Robin slams the door in your face.”

Cleric: “No, I was- I was gonna whisper to him "I didn’t want this, I wanted to let you have it for free-”

DM: -Okay, so you whisper that, and he just stares you down, and he shakes his head, and tears are falling down, and he just spits out “You’re just as bad as them for letting it happen anyway,” and he throws the door shut in front of your face after doing that.

Cleric: “GODDAMNIT”

DM: okay so like just to state- like, you guys are super welcome to just. give them something on your own accord, like, out of your own pocket, you picked up som gold in that temple, so if you want to-

Cleric: I WANNA GIVE THEM 100 GP

Tiefling: WHAT “NO, NO, DON’T” ok so I try to pursuade /cleric/ not to do it.

DM: You- you can’t roll to make another player do stuff they don’t wanna do.

Tiefling: Okay, uh “Hey, /cleric/. Don’t do it.” There, you’re pursuaded.

Cleric: … yeah, nah. I give them the gold.

DM: So- you hammer on the door and you shout “I GOT GOLD FOR YOU” or something like that, and Christopher Robin opens the door, and once he sees the gold you’re extending, he- he is so happy. He takes the gold and he goes to hug you, and the entire family comes out and does the same, they can buy like 3 donkeys now i dunno how GP works in dnd yet uhhh so-

Tiefling: Fuck this, I eldritch blast Christopher Robin.

Cleric: NO YOU DON’T i stand in the way.

DM: -Fine? Uh, roll an attack roll.

Tiefling: Twelve.

DM: You miss. You hit the ground.

Tiefling: … don’t I hit the house at least?

DM: NO YOU- WHY DO YOU WANT TO BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

Cleric: WHY WOULD YOU STILL ROLL WHEN I WAS STANING IN THE WAY- YOU TRIED TO KILL ME

Ranger: All of this for a donkey

DM: Nah, dude, you got the donkey. This is because /Cleric/ gave them 100 GP

Ranger: Oh okay

Dwarf: Yeah, but they’re super ungrateful. Bastards.

Cleric: Yeah but we can’t KILL THEM for that??

DM: so the family, they- after the attempted murder, they run back into the house.

Dwarf: Did they take the gold?

DM: Yeah.

Dwarf: Rat bastards.

DM: Does /Tiefling/ want to keep his spree of 'teaching people some manners’ going or?

Tiefling: Nahhh. But he does cast sleep on /Cleric/ cus he’s pissed.

Cleric: haHA i’m a half elf and I can’t be magically put to sleep!

Tiefling: Nvm then I’m tired.

DM: So- you guys walk away from the house, and just for a moment you hear the door opening and then quickly closing-

Ranger: No

DM: -and you turn, and- Winnie the Pooh has been tossed out of the house.

Dwarf: THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT when Njord taketh a donkey he giveth thee an illuminescent bear, and they just TOSS HIM OUT

DM: - and Winne the Pooh sits on the ground very- very sadly. Had he had tear ducts, he would cry a single tear. He is on the ground-

Ranger: Still pink?

DM: Still pink.

Cleric: :’(

Ranger: ugh FINE let’s take him with us.

DM: You go and pick him up, and he is so happy. So, so happy.

Dwarf: what are we, collecting Winnie the Pooh characters?

DM: He’s on /clerics/ shoulder again-

Tiefling: Can’t we put him on Eeyores back?

Dwarf: Can’t we put EEYORE on WINNIE THE POOH’s back?

DM: You put Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh back, and you now have a donkey on top of a bear on the ground. They are not moving.

Cleric: Oh dear.

DM: And Eeyore sighs and goes “I knew I’d be too heavy”

Everyone: “AWWWWWW”

#shit my players say #dnd #submission #long post #stealing things for fun and profit #why npcs hate pcs #upsetting the dm

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