#i just wanna delete them off my computer so
Note
hello beautiful baby !!! can i request a drabble w some bday sex for the reader 👀🫶🏻 reader is absolutely stupidly infatuated with his hips and waist and cherishes them with kisses 😭 anything else is down to you !!! 🩷🫶🏻
baby, come here | jjk (m)
<> pairing jungkook x fem!reader
<> genre/au's est. relationship | birthday!au | smut smut smut
<> summary jungkook surprises you with something special for your birthday...
<> word count 4.1k 😼
<> warnings they're both switches | fingering | grinding | handjob | cowgirl | jungkook touches reader’s rim | lots of kisses | jungkook has his iconic long hair | reader rides his thighs and abs | lots of worshipping | cute nicknames like angel & baby 🥺 | soft koo | fluffy & slow sex | reader worships jungkook the most | they're so in love you might puke | ft. co-worker jimin
<> author's note hi sav!! i hope you enjoy this filth hehe, thank u for re-sending the request after my ass was stupid enough to delete it 😭 jsfhksjfh and early happy bday from me!! take this as a gift hehe, thank u for requesting pretty ♡
[keep in mind i do not do taglists for requests <3 thank you!]
baby🥺: i have a surprise for you when you get home
you: oh?
you: i’m guessing this is a birthday surprise?
baby🥺: don’t ruin it babe!!
baby🥺: just get home before i change my mind 🙄
you: you wouldn’t
baby🥺: wanna bet?
You roll your eyes, wanting to grin because you know he’s not serious. Jungkook should know better, you almost know him better than he does himself — one of the perks of dating for five years.
It had been a good day so far, your colleagues had greeted you with balloons when you entered your office early in the morning, cheering a loud “Happy Birthday!” when they caught a glimpse of you.
Birthdays were never that important for you, but it did warm your heart that all of your colleagues took the time of their day to surprise you and celebrate you so loudly. You found out later how it was all Jimin’s idea, creating a whole group chat to make sure everyone was in on the idea.
Everything worked out in the end. The smile on your face didn’t fade once, too overwhelmed by a huge amount of happiness.
It was the end of the day when Jungkook decided to text you. He was still sleeping when you were getting dressed for work, and knowing you’ll be seeing him later you didn’t bother, instead admiring his soft snores and his long hair messily laying on the pillow.
“Any exciting plans for tonight?” Jimin peaked inside your office, wearing a grin when you shut your phone off, too busy giggling over what Jungkook has planned for you.
“Maybe…”
Jimin rolled his eyes at your attempt to be mysterious. “Save it, I know Jungkook probably has something planned.”
“You’re on the right track.”
“He probably put his dick in a present box.” Jimin jokes, earning your mouth to drop, a scoff escaping your parted lips.
“Jimin!”
He brings his hands up in a surrendering motion. “I’ll shut up.”
“Thank you. Well, I’m about to head out.” You begin to log off on your computer, grabbing your bag while Jimin watches you with a careful gaze.
“I’ll see you on Monday.” He says before leaving your office door, returning back to his own.
“Jungkook?” You call out when you enter your shared apartment, the lights being completely off.
There’s no response, and even though he told you earlier over text that he had planned a surprise, you begin to worry. Subtly, you begin to walk inside, fetching for a light until someone grabs you by the waist.
“Happy birthday, baby.” Jungkook whispers, pulling you forward so both your chests collide. It’s then you realize he’s not wearing a shirt, his skin feeling soft and delicate under your fingertips. With no second thought, your hands begin to roam on his arms, squeezing at his muscles.
“Thank you.” You respond softly, pulling Jungkook down for a soft and tender kiss. He gently wraps his arms around you, clutching himself tight as he indulges into your lips.
“Mmm, you want your surprise?” Jungkook says against your lips, and you nod before he completely lets go and guides you towards your shared bedroom.
There’s a small box on the covers, next to a bouquet of tulips, your favorites.
“Koo… this is—“ You pick them up carefully, admiration and love soaring through your veins as you trace your fingers over the purple petals.
Jungkook keeps his eyes on you, determined to not miss out on any reaction from you. He can tell you’re content with the flowers, after all he went to a specific flower shop outside of town, certain that the tulips you commented on a few months ago were still available.
“Thank you. I love you.” You bring your hand forward, caressing his cheek as tears begin to form in the corner of your eyelids.
When you had first met Jungkook, you never expected to be here today, five years later in a shared apartment, in love and filled with utmost happiness. It feels like a dream, which is pretty cliche to say, but it feels this way because how come everything is just right with Jungkook and you?
“Open the box.” Jungkook grins, holding himself back from doing his tiny jumps when he’s excited.
“Okay, okay!” You begin to laugh yourself, grabbing onto the white box.
The box clicks open and your mouth drops. It’s a necklace, with a bunny accessory hanging by the end.
“You didn’t.”
“Hey! You’re the one who constantly refers to me as a bunny, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and make this a reality!” God, he’s such an idiot, and you’re completely head over heels in love with him. Fucking Jeon Jungkook and that darn smile.
“I can’t believe you.” You take the necklace out of the purple cushion, holding it up in the air as you study the details.
“Can I?” You hum out a yes, letting Jungkook reach for it as you turn, exposing the nape of your neck.
The metal feels cold against your skin for a second when Jungkook puts it around you, ending it with a simple click. You hold tightly onto the bunny ears, turning back around to look at your boyfriend.
“I love it.” Jungkook sighs with a smile, pulling you once again in for a kiss. Instead of it being a simple peck, you wrap your arms around his neck, letting your lips move in an identical tempo.
Kissing Jungkook always feels new. It feels as if you’re still on that second date when he took the courage to kiss you goodnight at your doorstep. The same butterflies are settled into the pit of your stomach. It really feels like yesterday you started dating, but no, it’s been five fucking years. Five years with this silly boy who’s shown you what love truly can be about.
“Baby.” Jungkook mumbles, tilting your face as he plunges forward on your neck, pressing his soft lips. The wet open kisses make you grow hot, needy and fuck, was Jimin right? Because surely, this is leading to sex and you don’t want to stop.
Also, he’s shirtless which doesn’t really help either because fuck how can he look this good? Abs and built bodies never truly impressed you, but there’s something about how Jungkook carries it proudly, yet subtly. He’s aware he’s hot but he doesn’t show it off and wow, you’re so lucky you get to have him this way.
You pull his face upwards, kissing him again, wanting to taste more of him. Gently, you grab onto the strands of his long hair, fiddling with them as he bites your lip in response. The kiss is soft yet rough, both of you pulling on each other to get closer while your tongues dangle softly in between.
“Wanna show you how much I love you.” Jungkook mumbles against your lips.
It doesn’t take a genius to guess what he means and he’s in luck, cause fuck — you really want him. You clutch yourself tighter to him, continuing to kiss him with adoration and love. Jungkook keeps his hold tight, hands drowning further behind your back and onto your ass. He grabs onto it, making you gasp before it’s engulfed by his tongue.
Jungkook takes a step backwards, letting himself sit down on the edge of the bed, while you still stand upright. Your hands roam on his shoulders while his clutch beneath your ass, pulling you down on his lap.
Even though you love kissing Jungkook, there’s something about kissing his neck and collarbones. Showing admiration to every part of your boyfriend is one of your favorite things. So you do exactly that, tilting his head upwards while your tongue and lips trail further down. His collarbones are defined and you kiss the prominent edges. Every detail of Jungkook is beautiful.
“I love your collarbones.” You admit in the open while sucking on the skin, leaving a small mark. Jungkook sighs, keeping his hands roaming on your ass, grabbing it when he feels you bite down.
“Baby—“
You don’t respond, instead you pull your hands downwards on his abs that tense beneath your touch. Fuck. It’s no secret that you’ve wanted to kiss and touch every part of Jungkook— maybe even ride his thigh and especially his abs. There’s something exciting about feeling the muscles beneath your exposed core as you mark him with your slick.
Although, you’ve never gained the full courage to do so. It’s not because of judgment, Jungkook would never judge you. Which also explains how the sex between you is that good. It’s a free space to try out new things and feel comfortable with one another, but this was a fantasy and you weren’t mad that it’ll continue to be that.
To distract yourself from those thoughts, you focus on Jungkook hardening beneath you. You feel the excitement grow in your gut, grinding shamelessly down on him, making him hiss.
“Fuck.” Jungkook mumbles, tracing his hand on your face while he smiles down at you. His thumb begins to trail on your lips, feeling the soft edges before he pops it inside your mouth. You suck with zero hesitation. Jungkook’s mouth is agape, in awe of how your mouth feels warm around it.
Whenever you had sex there was never truly a routine. It was always natural, both of you giving in to showing how much you adored and loved each other. No matter how rough, or soft the sex was. There was always a balance.
Jungkook retracts his thumb, reaching for the zipper of your pants and pulling them down enough to reach down to your clit. His slicked thumb starts rubbing it carelessly, pressing down while rolling it around in circles. You buck your hips into his hand, making him chuckle due to you becoming so quickly desperate for him. He knew how much you loved his touches, and especially when he reached downwards, teasing you on your most sensitive parts.
“J-Jungkook, ah fuck!” You let out when he gently pinches your clit between his thumb and index finger, while two of his fingers rubbed themselves in between your lips, collecting the wetness that grew with every touch of his. Fuck, Jungkook loved feeling how soaked you got because of him.
Feeling too overwhelmed by the feeling, you decide to return the favor, grabbing onto his clothed cock that’s fully hard beneath his sweatpants. He feels heavy in your palm as you grope him, while squeezing the tip by the edges. Jungkook seems to really enjoy your hands, when he chooses to pull his pants down, revealing it. He doesn’t ever stop touching you, you feel how his fingertips curve around your hole, teasing around it even though you need them in you. So to play it fair, you hop on the teasing train and give it back. When Jungkook realizes how you don’t exactly touch him as he expected, he pulls a frown on his face.
“What?” You hold back a smile, biting on your bottom lip.
“Don’t do that.” His frown remains, eyes dropped down to the sight of your fingers caressing the soft skin of his cock. You don’t say something at first, letting him wonder for a little longer why you’re suddenly pulling that card right now.
“Then stop teasing me.” You whisper in his ear, biting down on his earlobe before your mouth runs down to the tiny mole on his neck. You kiss it gently, feeling Jungkook take a deep breath by how his chest moves forward.
“I’m not. I’m just—“ Jungkook pauses, waiting for you to look at him instead of smothering with small kisses. When you finally do, you quirk an eyebrow.
“You’re just?”
“I’m just taking my time, angel.”
Angel. A nickname Jungkook picked up on quickly after you started dating. He tells you it just simply fits you, but you know deep down it’s because he loves your little angel wings tattoo on your rib cage.
“But I need your—“ You gasp when Jungkook pushes both of his fingers inside of you with no warning. He catches you completely off guard, smirking when he notices how your eyes are closed, immersed by the feeling of being full.
“You were saying?” He teases you now, latching his lips on your shoulder.
You aren’t keen on answering him, instead you push yourself up and down on his fingers, fucking yourself on them.
“S-shit.” Jungkook says, in surprise of how dirty you are, as you don’t even hesitate to chase an orgasm, by simply having his fingers inside of you. While you’re enjoying the feeling of his fingers, you’re tempted to have his tongue on you as well. Letting your thoughts aside, you finally stroke him as he wishes, noticing how the tip is already wet. Somehow you find a synchronized tempo, your hand stroking him with your every movement in your hips. Jungkook groans against your shoulder, his tongue moving on your exposed skin, letting you feel how wet it is.
“Hold on.” You stop abruptly, too impatient, so you remove yourself from his lap to stand and remove your clothing as quickly as possible. Jungkook’s eyes pop open when he sees your naked form, so focused on how beautiful you look that he forgets to take his own off.
“Come on, wanna see you.” You encourage him, standing in between his legs.
Jungkook gulps down, biting his lip before grabbing the waistband of the sweatpants along with his boxers. When everything is off, you’re exposed to his tattoos that adorn his thigh. Jungkook had gotten them all in one night while he was drunk, wanting to be able to endure the pain even though he secretly had a pain kink. The tattoos are so random, but very Jungkook.
You reach forward, tracing your fingers on the details of the three black stars accompanied by two gaming consoles. Till this day you still don’t understand why he picked those as tattoos, but he was always impulsive when it came to anything but his sleeve.
The sleeve was something he worked on for a long time, finding different designs and how they could connect all together and hang in a harmony. You remember how you watched it day by day become the sleeve you’re met with today. The memory of sitting down next to him when he got his first tattoo, is clear as a day.
Jungkook tries to get your attention again, noticing you spacing off as you admire his tattoos. “What are you thinking?” The question is simple, but fuck the answer isn’t. You’ve seen and heard about thigh riding and how it somehow manages to stimulate the clit. You’ve never tried it. Yes, you and Jungkook were open and honest about whatever you wanted to experiment, which explains how you’ve done almost anything, but minor things weren’t really spoken about. Fantasies were meant to be kept as those simple wishes that are never meant to be made into life, but somehow you wanted to risk a bit today. It is your birthday after all, and you really want to have his thigh under you while you ride.
“I wanna…” You start, positioning yourself on top of his thigh without a question, testing the waters a bit to see his reaction. Jungkook’s eyebrows raise at your chosen position, awaiting for you to finish. You move closer, pecking his lips softly before murmuring. “Wanna ride your thigh.”
Jungkook stays quiet, which causes you to worry, until he moves backwards, lifting his thigh a bit, causing your core to graze the skin. “Yeah?” Jungkook glances at you, his lips curving into a somewhat smile.
“Mhm.” You hum in agreement, grabbing the nape of his neck to kiss him again. Both of your knees rest on the comforters, while you slowly begin to find a pace. Jungkook can feel how wet you are whenever your core moves back and forth on it. He wants to look down, to see his tattoos covered in your slick and see them glisten. Instead, he lets you experiment, while holding his hand on your back to guide you.
You never stop kissing each other, groping and gripping on whatever you can get your hands off, as you begin to pick up another pace. Jungkook starts to tense under you, the edges of his muscles becoming more prominent as you feel your clit rub against it. It feels different but good.
Even though you’re fully focused on the new sensation, you don’t miss out on stroking your boyfriend who’s watching you with pleased eyes by this new sight. You’re not sure if he’s been wanting to try this too or if it’s only you — by the looks of it Jungkook seems to be getting even more turned on than earlier watching you do this.
Jungkook doesn’t even know where to look. He wants to watch your hand stroke him, he wants to watch your expressions as you move your hips back and forth and of course, the tattoos covered in your wetness.
You’re in too much pleasure to even have your eyes open. Therefore you settle on resting your head in the corner of Jungkook’s neck.
“Feel good, angel?” Jungkook pants out, starting to feel his own orgasm emerge with each stroke.
“Y-yeah—“ You can barely form it into words, aiming for that orgasm you’ve been wanting since Jungkook decided to tease you earlier. You really fucking need this.
It’s there, in the pit of your stomach, about to pull the final string when Jungkook forces you to stop. His hand feels warm against your lower region, while he’s trying to catch his breath himself.
“I don’t want to come like this. Wanna fuck you.” Your hand retrieves from his cock, letting out short breaths while you try your best to remain calm over being interrupted in the middle of an upcoming orgasm. Jungkook can easily tell you were close, he could hear how your moans suddenly turned strained and how your fingers were tightening their hold on him. But, fuck, he really didn’t want to come like this. He wants to feel you, stretch you out as you engulf him. So, he’ll do just that.
“Baby, come here.” Jungkook murmurs, pulling you forward to plant a soft kiss on your temple. Now he’s trying to smother you with kisses, and you giggle softly at the tickling sensation when he starts rubbing his nose on the apple of your cheek.
“I love you.” You remind him again, never being tired of catching that tiny sparkle emitting in his eyes when he hears it.
“I love you.” Jungkook repeats, while you push him down on his back. The long hair spreads out on the white sheets, curling around while he tucks it back with both hands. There’s something extremely hot about Jungkook’s new length of hair, because it’s new.
Your hands fiddle with the curled hair, while you prop your wet core on his cock, grinding back and forth on it. Jungkook moves his head upwards, his lips biting down on your bottom lip while he groans. His hips move upwards, showing desperation to get you inside and frankly you can’t really wait either. So, you move downwards, kissing his stomach and sucking down on the mole by his rib cage.
“So pretty.” You mumble on his skin, showing love to his tummy and tiny waist. He whines at the contact and how you worship every part of him.
“I love every part of you, Koo.” You admit, settling upwards to push yourself down on him. Jungkook nibbles on his lip ring, blushing at your comment.
“I’m so lucky to have you, angel.” Your body grows hot, the love soaring through your veins before you ease yourself down, letting it stretch you open. Both of your mouths fall agape with a moan when his cock is finally buried inside.
“C-come here, fuck.” Jungkook pleads, grabbing your back with both hands so your chests collide. His skin feels warm and soft against yours, sweat beginning to accumulate with each thrust from your side. The movements are slow yet rough, Jungkook’s grip never stops being tight on your body. He seems overwhelmed by everything, his eyes watching you all while you buck your hips.
“Shit—“ He lets out, his hand trailing up to your nape, holding it while your lips glide over his.
“Mhm.” You begin to quicken the pace, wanting to come. Jungkook feels you clench with every thrust, sending him into an orbit of pleasure.
You lean your forehead on his, catching your eyes trailing down to his abs and the view of his cock disappearing inside of you.
The fantasy of riding his abs keeps coming back at you, the urge climbing higher when they tense with every movement.
Somehow Jungkook can sense you’re thinking about something, noticing the frown while you’re solemnly focused on his abs.
“Hey, you okay?” Your eyes move back to his, nodding yet Jungkook isn’t convinced. “Tell me.” He breathes out, wanting to know but fuck, he can’t even fully concentrate when you feel so warm and wet.
“It’s nothing—“ You moan again, his cock almost fully out before you place yourself back down. You’re certain he won’t ask again, so you go back, riding him fully.
Jungkook grabs ahold of your waist, moving his hand from your nape to your jaw. “Baby, it’s your birthday. Wanna give you everything. Just— ah! Tell me.” Jungkook once again bites down on his lip, a groan escaping due to the feeling of you around him.
“J-just… wanna ride your abs.” Honesty is something you both have been really good at. If something’s bothering either one of you, you express it.
“F-fuck.” Jungkook’s cock twitches at your words and you’re surprised that he’s even more turned on after you admitted one of your fantasies.
You don’t really know what to say, instead you go back to chasing an orgasm for you both. You haven’t even thrusted once and Jungkook stops you. “I want you to.”
Oh.
“Are you sure—“
Jungkook pecks your lips, “yes.”
Therefore, you pull yourself out, moving upwards to face his abs. You keep your eyes locked on Jungkook’s, to make sure he wants this. After all, this is brand new territory for you both.
Without thinking too much, you prop yourself down, your core being able to feel the prominent details of Jungkook’s tensed abs.
“Fuck—“ You whine, shamelessly picking up your earlier movements and fucking yourself on them. Jungkook grabs a hold of his cock, jerking it off behind you. The slick sounds are loud with every stroke.
Jungkook takes you by surprise when his thumb traces in circles around your rim. “J-Jungkook.” It almost sounds like a warning, but it’s rather a surprising shock. You kind of didn’t expect for him to touch you there, not that you don’t mind.
It only increases the pleasure for you, as you continue with no care in the world. Fuck, why didn’t you do this before?
“That’s it angel.” Jungkook says, caressing the edges of your rim, while watching you in complete awe. There’s just something about you loving every part of him that you want to do more than just simply touch it. When you had first expressed the idea, Jungkook already found himself imagining the scenery, which caused his cock to twitch.
When he’s watching the actual scene, he can’t even describe what he’s seeing. Fuck, you’re so beautiful, sweat accumulating on your shoulders and breasts, mouth agape letting the sweet sound of your moans roam the room freely.
Whenever Jungkook tenses his abs beneath you, it meets your clit, the friction being completely different from anything you’ve felt before. It also explains how you’re not even a few seconds from coming. Your pants turn shorter, your body twitching slightly as the orgasm is closer to the edge.
“Come on baby, wanna see you come.” Jungkook expresses, close as well, his cock about to give in but not before he sees you cover his abs with cum.
“Mhm— fuck.” That’s all you needed for the band to snap, your body returning to normal after dragged itself one more time. While you’re trying to catch your breath again, Jungkook lets out a loud whine followed by a gasp when he finishes right behind you, all over his hand.
“Holy shit.” Jungkook says, giggling shortly right after, still in shock of what just happened.
“Yeah.” You agree, moving down to lay down next to him. Your hands begin to caress his cheeks while you both just lay in silence.
“Happy birthday, bub.” Jungkook finishes it off with a small but heartfelt kiss to your lips.
© jjkeverlast 2023 [do not copy, translate or repost any of my works.]
#jungkook#jeon jungkook#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook smut#bts jungkook smut#jungkook smut#jungkook drabble#jungkook imagines#bts jungkook fanfic#jeon jungkook fanfic#jungkook fanfic#jungkook one shot#jungkook bts#jeon jungkook x reader#jungkook x reader#jungkook x y/n
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hiii! I love your works with little space, they really warms my heart 🤍 could you maybe write for something with little Matt based on Wednesday's video? pls, thank you 🤍🤍
Snowy the Lamb
Summary: In which playing with Snowy the Lamb pushes Matt into some much needed tiny time<3
Pairing: Little!Matt x caregiver!reader
Warnings: None!
Word Count: 768
A/N: Thank you for the request! This video is actually my comfort video, I've watched it so many times :') As always, age regression is non sexual and innocent. Hate will be blocked and deleted<3
You looked up from your computer when you heard Matt open the door to your shared bedroom. His arms were full of what looked like toys as he dumped the pile of things on the bed, before migrating over to your desk chair and sitting down in your lap with a giggle. You had been working on some assignments for your online university courses while the triplets filmed, making you rather surprised to see Matt in such a good mood. Usually, he was exhausted and soft-spoken after filming, but he seemed to be excited at the moment, all giggles and bright smiles.
“You’re in a good mood,” You smiled, kissing his hair as he curled up in your lap. “I take it filming went well?”
Matt nodded quickly, another giggle falling from his lips. “We played with toys.”
“You did?” You asked with a chuckle. “I’m assuming that’s what those are from?” You nodded towards the bed.
Matt was open with his brothers about his littlespace, but rarely was he ever in it around them. You were slightly shocked that he had been so willing to do such an activity that would most likely push him into his headspace in front of the camera, but seeing the joy on his face told you it had been a wonderful filming session.
Your boy nodded his head and looked up at you, eyes slightly glassy. “Really fun,” he said with a yawn, subconsciously signaling to you that he would be slipping rather soon. “I like Snowy. She’s cute.”
“Snowy?” You questioned, unsure what Matt was talking about.
“The lamb,” he stood and pushed himself off your lap, going over to the bed and grabbing the toy before sitting down again. “See? I love her.”
“I love you.” You said sweetly, booping the tip of his freckled nose.
And just like that, you had pushed Matt straight into his headspace. “Mama,” he whined cutely, blushing and hiding his face against your shoulder. “Nooooo.”
“Cute baby.” You hummed, slowly rocking him back and forth in your arms as little yawns came from the boy every now and then.
“I seepy.” Matt said after a few moments of quiet, fully in littlespace now.
“Awww, I know, honey. It’s getting late for such a tiny boy to be up,” You said softly, taking on your ‘caregiver’ voice. “Let’s go brush your teeth and then we’ll get all cuddled up, okay?”
You hoisted yourself and Matt up out of the chair, thankful that you were both about the same height and weight. Your boy absolutely adored being carried when he was little, and the equal distribution made it much easier. You started to walk towards the bathroom until Matt whined against your shoulder, making grabby hands at your desk.
“No forget Snowy!” he told you very insistently.
You chuckled at Matt’s obsession with the new toy, handing it to him with ease and starting back towards the bathroom. Luckily, the combination of the new comfort object and exhaustion made him rather compliant, allowing you to sit him down on the closed toilet seat. Matt sat happily, playing with Snowy and giggling as you brushed his teeth and wiped his face with a warm washcloth. By the time you had reentered the bedroom and set the boy down on the bed though, the brunette was absolutely wiped, Snowy clutched against his chest as he yawned.
“All ready for bed!” You smiled happily, climbing under the covers beside him. “Do you wanna put Snowy on the nightstand, honey? She’s not really a cuddly toy, angel.” You explained gently, hoping Matt wouldn’t meltdown over it.
“Nuh uh. Snowy gots get cuddles too.” he explained cutely, toy clutched under one arm and clinging to you with the other.
“Okay, baby,” You sighed softly, kissing his hair. “Snowy can get cuddles too. Do ya want your paci, hun?”
Matt nodded eagerly, giggling happily as you slipped his pacifier into his mouth. It was pastel blue, decorated with small gems and beads that read ‘Baby Boy’ on it, along with a pug charm. It was very on-brand for him, and the boy absolutely loved it. Content now with his toys, to include Mr. Wrinkleton, and his pacifier, Matt curled up easily beside you, yawning widely.
“I seepy now. Go ni ni?” he asked, looking up at you with those big, blue eyes.
“We can go ni ni, little one,” You assured him, pecking his face with kisses. “I love you, angel.”
And with that, Matt easily fell asleep beside you, snoring softly and happily with Snowy the lamb by his side.
tags ♡: @jake-and-johnnies-slut @chrissfavwh3re @suyqa @chrissturnswife @mbsbaby @herxysc-blog @lovingchrissposts @caffeinatedscorpio @spencereidenthusiast @crazychrisl0v3r @sturnioloxlver @whicked-hazlatwhore @blahbel668 @sturncakez @junnniiieee07 @biggesthat3r @sturniolowhore @patscorner @julesgrl @0strawberrysorbet0 @strombolilovr @matt444nixi @remussbitch @devthepoet1221 @mattyblover07 @loisnotaa @mollyquinnxoxo @graysturns @pepsicolapussy333 @ginswife @emmagirouard @athaliahxoxo @bitchydragonparadise @ilydeaky @soggyslugg169 @m00n-0n-paws @books0fever @stingerayyy2 @sunsetsturniolos @mimi-luvzyu @raysmayhem-72 @faygo-frog @oobleoob @billsslutt @aemrsy @i-like-silly-things @mybloggyblogblogshitpost
note ♡: if you'd like to be added to my taglist, click here <3
#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo fluff#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matt sturniolo x y/n#matthew sturniolo#matthew sturniolo x reader#matthew sturniolo imagine#matthew bernard sturniolo#chris sturniolo#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo imagines#christopher sturniolo fluff#christopher owen sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#the sturniolo triplets#nick sturniolo#nick sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo x you#sfw age dreamer#agere sfw#agere community#sfw agere
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C. Caufield - Linear Progress
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Cole Caufield x Fem!reader
Requested✨
Word Count: 3.3k
Warning(s): anxiety, mention of depressive episode, sad!cole
These upcoming fics are all things from my notes app from last season, doctored and given a finish so I could post! Some of these are so long it’d be a shame to just delete.
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His smile barely reached his eyes. His laughter was distant and distracted. Cole, so used to keeping good posture to feel like he measured up to those around him, stood about as poorly as a pregnant mother. His gloved hands clasped in front of himself as he shifted his weight from skate to skate.
I couldn’t take pictures of him like that. People would never notice the vulnerable state he was in, but I did. He looked so nervous. He looked like he wanted to be anywhere but on the ice. And I knew that’s exactly what was going through his mind, because he’d pulled all the stops that morning trying to get me to call off for him. He’d tried saying he didn’t feel good, then he tried saying he just wanted to lay in bed. Then he tried faking a headache, and he tried tricking me into thinking he had gone back to bed. By the time I got him into the car, Cole’s attitude had done a complete switch. All of a sudden it was like work was the best place on earth. We had parted ways to do our separate things, but when I came down to the ice with my camera, I could sense Cole’s discomfort from a mile away.
“You wanna hit something other than the glass, Coley?” I watched Cole through the lens of my camera. Watched the way he brushed off the chirp with a quiet chuckle and a nod. He just wanted to stay home. I should have let him. Practice was only an hour, but it certainly felt longer. Between everybody’s endless digs on the blonde, and the occasional glances in Cole’s direction from coaches, I could see his facade cracking and fading.
I didn’t capture near as many photos as I would have liked, but my boss would just have to use what the other photographers got. Surely we’d have more than enough. I tucked my camera back into its bag by the time practice ended, watching the boys leave the ice, and eventually walking toward the visitors tunnel. I stopped short though, when I heard a puck slam off the glass. I turned back to the ice, my heart sinking in my chest at the frustration on Cole’s face.
“Fucking empty net.” His voice carried through the empty arena.
This had nothing to do with the empty net in the present. It had to do with the empty net he missed one week prior. That seemed to have started his scoring drought.
“Fuck.” He spat out. My brow furrowed as he skated toward the bench, my body tensing in anticipation as he raised his stick, clearly ready to slam it off the top of the bench wall until it broke. Before he could even bring the stick down, his entire body relaxed. He found reason within his anger. Or maybe he had simply given up. I watched Cole throw the stick aside in the bench instead, saying, ‘fuck it,’ before he stomped down the tunnel toward the locker room.
He had just returned from an injury. Adjusting was normal. Relearning some things was normal. But Cole wasn’t patient with himself. He never was. I carried my camera down the separate hall, half tempted to retrieve Cole’s stick, but ultimately deciding against it. He’d be embarrassed if he knew I’d watched him lash out like that. He hated when people saw any side of him that wasn’t the usual giggly and fun side.
I stole away to my office to finish a few things before I received a message from him, trying to speed up the process of downloading photos to my computer as Cole’s face popped up on my phone screen. I quickly answered the call.
“Hey, babe-“
“I wanna go home.” So much for pleasantries, but I hadn’t expected them in the first place.
“Give me maybe.. fifteen minutes, okay?” Silence followed my request for time.
“Please.” I heard his voice echo, my brow furrowing as I glanced toward my phone.
“Are you in the bathroom?”
“I just wanna go home.” I could have sworn I heard Cole’s voice quiver.
“You can come sit in my office while you wait.”
“I’m okay.” I wanted to pinch my nose. To grab him by the shoulders and shake the stubbornness out of him.
“Why don’t you go wait in the car then?” I bit my lip as I looked back at my computer.
“‘Kay. But.. just fifteen minutes, right?”
My eyes lit up when the photos finally loaded onto the computer.
“Less than fifteen.” I answered, “I’ll be fast.”
I tried to stay true to my word, but when my boss stopped me in the hall, I knew it would be far longer than fifteen minutes. A half an hour longer to be exact. When I got out of her office, I ran as quickly as I could through the building to get to the parking lot. I felt horrible when I noticed Cole’s head lift. Our car the only one left in the players lot.
I tossed my camera in the back and climbed into the passenger seat without so much as a word. I wasn’t in trouble, but I knew Cole wasn’t thrilled.
“You said fifteen minutes.” Cole hadn’t wasted much time getting the car started and pulling out of the lot.
“I’m sorry. My boss stopped me, and- god you know how she is.”
“Talks for hours, yeah.” Cole tried to muster a chuckle. He looked so apathetic. So careless. But not in a freeing or jovial way. He simply looked drained and tired.
“What do you wanna do when we get home?” I asked, glancing out the window at the passing scenery. Christmas was just around the corner. Snow covered sidewalks and streets, and Christmas decor was up everywhere.
“I just wanna lay down.” Cole shook his head. I turned my attention to him.
“You could use a hair cut.”
“Not today.”
“Might feel good.” Laying around and doing nothing in the midst of a funk never helped anybody. As easy as it was to laze around, it usually only made one’s mental health worse.
“You can lay with me.” He was stuck on this idea. Too bad I was stuck on my own as well.
“I’ll lay with you if you let me cut your hair.”
Cole didn’t reply. He bit his lip and ignored the proposal. “I have stuff to do today anyway.” I shrugged. I wanted to be there, but if Cole didn’t let me in, there wasn’t much I could do. So if he insisted on laying around all day, I’d busy myself with cleaning, straightening up the few decorations we had yet to put out, working on Christmas cards. Anything to busy myself while he stayed miserable.
“‘Mkay.”
It was the end of our conversation until we got back to our apartment. I carried my things inside behind Cole, who kicked his shoes off and headed straight for our bedroom. I had to stop myself from following after him. Instead, I dropped my camera bag on the love seat and wandered into the dining room to grab my laptop,
He’d come around eventually. It was what I kept telling myself as I turned on some Christmas music and put the few finishing touches on our customized Christmas cards. I sang along quietly, and set my laptop aside when I finished the cards. I saved the design to show to Cole when he felt better, and shot up from the couch to make a glass of hot chocolate.
I ended up making two, and against my better judgement, I carried one down the hall for my lover.
“Cole?” I toed our bedroom door open, spotting his still body curled up under a mess of blankets. His back was turned to the door, but I could tell he had the comforter pulled over half of his face. I sighed, resting the mug on his nightstand before I placed a hand on his arm.
“Made you some hot chocolate.” I whispered, leaning over to kiss his shoulder. I didn’t know if Cole was awake or not, but the affection was needed nonetheless. I tiptoed out of our room and pulled the door shut behind myself, only to return to my own world of lonely Christmas preparation.
I spent close to two hours putting up the last of the decorations and cleaning. I saved the tiny statues of Hermey and Rudolph for the tv mantle, where they always went, but Cole loved being the one to put them up. I stared down at the statues on the coffee table, placing my hands on my hips as I’ll Be Home For Christmas came on from my laptop on the couch. The cozy atmosphere was almost perfect. I just wished Cole didn’t feel so horrible. He deserved to enjoy his holidays. Not worry them away.
I glanced back toward the hall, hearing an ear splitting shatter as if on cue.
“Cole?” I shouted, panic seizing my chest as I took off through the hallway, making a sharp turn to push our bedroom door open. Cole was out of bed, wearing nothing but boxers, holding an arm out toward the door.
“It’s fine! I’m fine! I got it!” I looked toward the floor to see the mug I’d set on his dresser in pieces. I grimaced. His favorite mug. Hot chocolate ran across the floor, and I was quick to jog into the bathroom to grab a towel.
“Here.” When I returned, I tossed the towel on the floor, covering the small puddle of liquid. “I’ll go grab something to wipe the floor down.. you start picking up glass.” I left the bedroom, going to rummage through the kitchen for my floor cleaner. When I found it, I grabbed a few paper towels as well, returning in record time.
Cole was knelt on the floor, the towel from the bathroom pushed aside as he collected glass from the floor. I noticed the sporadic and heavy rise and fall of his back, the way his chest heaved. His hair covered his eyes, and despite not being able to see his face, I knew he was upset.
“Coley.” I made my way over and knelt next to him.
“I’m almost done.” Cole’s voice quivered. I set the items in my hands down, gently resting my hand on his cheek, turning his head to face me. Cole’s eyes were wet with tears, his cheeks flushed and stained by the tracks of tears that had already fallen.
“Oh, Cole.” I kissed his forehead, shaken by the sob that escaped his lips as he set the collected glass down atop a paper towel. I sat down on the floor and pulled him in. He’d been kneeling before, but he barely thought twice about it when his body fell into my own, back pressed into my chest while I held onto him tightly.
“I’m sorry.” The words came out through broken cries, but I merely shook my head and rubbed his side with one of my hands.
“It’s okay.. everything is gonna be okay.” Cole didn’t have days like these often. Where everything bubbled over and became too much to bear. He was good at keeping himself in check. In fact, he was usually the one taking care of me on days like these. But I never missed an opportunity to assure him I was there in moments when he felt he couldn’t function. When the dark cloud looming over was simply too much to bear. I rested my chin on Cole’s shoulder, pressing occasional kisses to his body to help distract and ease his mind.
“Cole,” I whispered as he started to calm down. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and slowly turned to look at me. “Let’s fix this mess, okay? Then we can relax.” He seemed reluctant to get up, and I knew he’d sit there all day if I didn’t take initiative. “C’mon.” I directed his attention back to the glass, helping him retrieve the last few pieces before he got up to throw them away. I made quick work of cleaning the floor, wiping down any sticky spots before I had stood up to put the towel in the hamper, and throw the paper towels away. When Cole returned, he stood in the doorway, hugging himself for warmth, or maybe still out of discomfort. I turned to look at him, flashing a sad smile.
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to..” as if I didn’t know that. As if he hadn’t already apologized. I crossed the floor to meet him in the doorway, wrapping my arms around his body. I gently rubbed his back, taking note of the tight muscles.
“It was an accident. It’s okay.” I whispered, “you wanna talk about what’s been going on?” I looked up at him, earning a quiet ‘no,’ in response.
“Cole, you were just crying. It might help some.” I tucked a lock of his long blonde hair behind his ear, then trailed my hand down his face, following his jaw.
“I just wanna lay back down.”
There it was. That constant avoidance.
“At least lay with me on the couch. All the decorations in the living room are set out.” I rubbed the small of his back, earning a careful nod. “I’m gonna grab a sweatshirt first. It’s a little cold.” I moved my arms around to his stomach, nodding and pressing a kiss to his shoulder before I slipped out of the bedroom.
There was no promise that Cole wouldn’t lay back down in our bed, but I had to trust him a little.
When I got back into the living room, I shut the lights out and plugged the Christmas tree in. I grabbed one of our Christmas blankets and laid it out on the couch, waiting for him as I placed a throw pillow at one end. I laid down and pushed the blanket aside so I could pull it over us later. I grabbed the tv remote and started sifting through channels, smiling at Cole when he finally came through the hall. He still didn’t have pants on, but his sweatshirt sleeves were pulled over his hands, and he had the plastic end of one of the strings in his mouth. As cozy as he could get. I parted my legs for him to lay down between them, and he did with little to no hesitation. Cole’s back rested against my chest, his head finding a home near my shoulder. I wrapped my legs around his own and swiftly covered up with the blanket.
“You finished decorating without me?” I heard him sniff quietly, still recovering from the crying fit he had minutes ago.
“It had to get done.” I rested a hand on his head, gently combing my fingers through his hair. “I left Rudolph for you.” I gestured toward the coffee table with my free hand.
“Are we still visiting my family over Christmas?”
“Absolutely, Cole.” I smiled. “You’ve been looking forward to that since November.” When the silence settled between us, I moved my free hand to rest atop one of his own. I dragged my thumb across his knuckles, traced the lines in his hand, flipped it over to massage his palm.
“I just want it to be over.. ya know?” Cole’s voice was barely above a whisper.
“What do you want to be over?” I matched his volume, continuing to rub his hand and play with his hair. One little change might throw him off.
“I just wanna be good again.” He sighed, turning his head against my shoulder to look up at the ceiling.
“At hockey?”
“Yeah. I can’t even hit the net.” Cole closed his eyes, trying to hide his frustrations.
“Give it time, Cole. It’s all a part of recovery. It’s not a linear thing.” I whispered. “And we’re gonna go visit your family in a week. You should be focused on that. I know you wanna be back on the ice, but if you rush you could hurt yourself.”
“What if they don’t resign me?” My movement halted. I lifted my head from the pillow to peek down at him.
“Why would they do that?”
“Because I can’t play.”
“Cole.” I squeezed his hand. “You’re gonna recover. You’ll get back to playing hockey. Your skill hasn’t just gone away.” I could understand his concerns to a degree, but I knew these worries were all in his head. “If they decide to ship you off it’s because they’re morons. It’ll have nothing to do with your recovery. Injuries happen, and you can’t control them.” His silence was deafening. Sometimes I hated how hard Cole thought about things.
“I really like it in Montreal.”
“Cole.” A tension accompanied my tone. One that made his eyes fall toward the opposite end of the couch. “You can’t trap yourself in this endless cycle of negative thoughts.” I began to play with his hair once again. “What if they do want you? What if you recover so well that they decide to sign you for more years? What if you get a better contract than the last? What if this injury turns you into a superstar?” Cole shifted against me, clearly displeasured by the combative tactic I was using.
“Okay?”
“Cole. Anything can happen. Good or bad. You can’t control it.. so let’s just not think about it. It’s tearing you apart.”
“Because it’s my future! Don’t you get it?” Cole sat up, careful not to hurt me. I was quick to sit up as well, folding my legs criss-crossed on the couch as I watched his head fall into his hands. His once calm breathing began to pick up once again.
“The future isn’t going to sneak up on you Cole! The future is a second from now. A day, three days. It’s a fucking week or a month. It’s not going to come and assault you in an alleyway one day. You’re thinking too much. The physician, physical therapist, your coaches, they’re all working with you. They’re all making sure you get back on the ice. And they’ve been telling you that you’re recovering well. You’re doing great! Why don’t you see that?” I was impatient as I waited for an answer. Waited for Cole to look at me, or show some sign of understanding.
“I don’t know.” His voice quivered again. His chest heaved with a deep and quiet cry. He desperately needed that week off. He needed that week with his family. With his mother and his dog. Olive was the best at cheering Cole up.
I slid across the couch, draping one of my arms over his back as Cole cried quietly.
“It’s okay to be worried,” I whispered, resting my other hand on his thigh. “But you can’t let it consume you. You have to talk to people.” I didn’t know how we got there, but I knew it was because of his own stubborn behaviors. If he simply would have spoken to me before, we could have worked this out. And even despite knowing that, I couldn’t be mad. I couldn’t blame Cole for whatever reason he chose not to communicate, because I knew he didn’t do it to spite me or hurt me for not understanding. “You can’t let yourself get here, Cole. This constant state of panic won’t help anything.” I pressed a kiss to his head. “Things are going to turn out okay, but you need to allow yourself to see that. Please… let me help you see that.” I felt his body lean into my own, and I wrapped my arms around him once again. “There’s nothing to worry about.” I whispered, “take it one day at a time.”
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#nhl imagine#nhl x reader#cole caufield blurb#cole caufield x reader#cole caufield imagine#cole caufield#ella’s inbox#ella’s updates#ella’s asks
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Hello there! I hope you don’t mind me just dropping into your asks like this, but by all means def feel free to just delete this if so, it is kind of a weird ask.
This is the anon from the computer blog asking about a private laptop for collage! After doing (a small amount of) research into Linux, one thing that’s super confusing to me, is… how does one know which distro to use? You mentioned in the replies of the post that you use Ubuntu Linux, which seems to be one of the more popular ones. Would you recommend — and if so, why? Is it good for privacy, do you think? The best? Does the user need to have a good deal of experience with computers to keep it running? (I’ve never used a laptop before but I don’t mind trying to learn stuff)
Also this is an EXTREMELY stupid question my apologies, but how….. exactly do you put Linux on a laptop? OP from my ask said to buy a laptop with no OS but is that something you can do? I’d think so, since 0P works with computer and stuff as their job, but Reddit says that it’s not really possible and that you should just “buy like a Windows laptop and scrap the software”??? Is that… correct? How did you install Linux on your laptop — did y ou have to remove software off it or did you, as OP says, manage to find a laptop with no OS?
Again, feel free to ignore if you don’t wanna put in the time/effort to reply to this, I absolutely don’t mind — it’s a lot of stuff I’m asking and you didn’t invite it all, so ofc feel free to delete the ask if you’d like!
ha, you've zeroed in on one of the big reasons Linux is kind of a contrarian choice for me to recommend: the wild proliferation of distros, many of them hideously complex to work with. luckily, the fact that most of them are niche offshoots created by and for overly-technical nerds makes the choice easier: you don't want those. you want one of the largest, best-supported, most popular ones, with a reputation for being beginner-friendly. the two biggies are Ubuntu and Linux Mint; i'd recommend focusing your research there.
this isn't JUST a popularity-contest thing: the more people use it, the more likely you are to find answers if you're having trouble or plugging a weird error message into google, and the greater the variety of software you'll find packaged for easy install in that distro. some combination of professional and broad-based community support means you'll find better documentation and tutorials, glitches will be rarer and get fixed faster, and the OS is less likely to be finicky about what hardware it'll play nice with. the newbie-friendly ones are designed to be a breeze to install and to not require technical fiddling to run them for everyday tasks like web browsing, document editing, media viewing, file management, and such.
info on installation, privacy, personal endorsement, etc under the cut. tl;dr: most computers can make you a magic Linux-installing USB stick, most Linuces are blessedly not part of the problem on privacy, Ubuntu i can firsthand recommend but Mint is probably also good.
almost all Linux distros can be assumed to be better for privacy than Windows or MacOS, because they are working from a baseline of Not Being One Of The Things Spying On You; some are managed by corporations (Ubuntu is one of them), but even those corporations have to cater to a notoriously cantankerous userbase, so most phoning-home with usage data tends to be easy to turn off and sponsored bullshit kept minimally intrusive. the one big exception i know of is Google's bastard stepchild ChromeOS, which you really don't want to be using, for a wide variety of reasons. do NOT let someone talk you into installing fucking Qubes or something on claims that it's the "most private" or "most secure" OS; that's total user-unfriendly overkill unless you have like a nation-state spy agency or something targeting you, specifically.
how to install Linux is also not a dumb question! back in the day, if you wanted to, say, upgrade a desktop computer from Windows 95 to Windows 98, you'd receive a physical CD-ROM disc whose contents were formatted to tell the computer "hey, i'm not a music CD or a random pile of backup data or a piece of software for the OS to run, i want you to run me as the OS next time you boot up," and then that startup version would walk you through the install.
nowadays almost anyone with a computer can create a USB stick that'll do the same thing: you download an Ubuntu installer and a program that can perform that kind of formatting, plug in the USB stick, tell the program to put the installer on it and make it bootable, and then once it's done, plug the USB stick into the computer you want to Linuxify and turn it on.
Ubuntu has an excellent tutorial for every step of the install process, and an option to do a temporary test install so you can poke around and see how you like it without pulling the trigger irreversibly: https://ubuntu.com/tutorials/install-ubuntu-desktop
having a way to create a bootable USB stick is one reason to just get a Windows computer and then let the Linux installer nuke everything (which i think is the most common workflow), but in a pinch you can also create the USB on a borrowed/shared computer and uninstall the formatter program when you're done. i don't have strong opinions on what kind of laptop to get, except "if you do go for Linux, be sure to research in advance whether the distro is known to play nice with your hardware." i'm partial to ThinkPads but that's just, like, my opinion, man. lots of distros' installers also make it dead simple to create a dual-boot setup where you can pick between Windows and Linux at every startup, which is useful if you know you might have to use Windows-only software for school or something. keep in mind, though, that this creates two little fiefdoms whose files and hard-disk space aren't shared at all, and it is not a beginner-friendly task to go in later and change how much storage each OS has access to.
i've been using the distro i'm most familiar with as my go-to example throughout, but i don't really have a strong opinion on Ubuntu vs Mint, simply because i haven't played around with Mint enough to form one. Ubuntu i'll happily recommend as a beginner-friendly version of Linux that's reasonably private by default. (i think there's like one install step where Canonical offers paid options, telemetry, connecting online accounts, etc, and then respects your "fuck off" and doesn't bug you about it again.) by reputation, Mint has a friendlier UI, especially for people who are used to Windows, and its built-in app library/"store" is slicker but offers a slightly more limited ecosystem of point-and-click installs.
(unlike Apple and Google, there are zero standard Linux distros that give a shit if you manually install software from outside the app store, it's just a notoriously finicky process that could take two clicks or could have you tearing your hair out at 3am. worth trying if the need arises, but not worth stressing over if you can't get it to work.)
basic software starter-pack recommendations for any laptop (all available on Windows and Mac too): Firefox with the uBlock Origin and container tab add-ons, VLC media player, LibreOffice for document editing. the closest thing to a dealbreaking pain in the ass about Linux these days (imo) is that all the image and video editing software i know of is kinda janky in some way, so if that's non-negotiable you may have to dual-boot... GIMP is the godawfully-clunky-but-powerful Photoshop knockoff, and i've heard decent things about Pinta as a mid-weight image editor roughly equivalent to Paint.net for Windows.
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To Rebuild A Home - Chapter One
Previous Chapter | Next Chapter
Warnings: death mention, food mention, anxiety and negative thoughts.
Edited by: @winterwynd
Also available on Ao3 here.
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“Okay, let me get one more for your grandparents. Big smile!”
Patton was awarded another cheesy grin as he took another photo of Thomas. “Darn.” He cursed under his breath when a pop up announced that the memory card was full and would not allow any more pictures unless he deleted a couple.
Patton had even broken out the proper camera for the occasion, much better than the blurry phone.
He really had to upload the images to a computer or get them printed. It was something he had been putting off for quite some time though, as he knew the camera contained some of the last ever snapshots of his wife.
“Oh well,” Patton said, returning the lens cap. “We got a lot of great photos!”
He was just sad that he hadn’t been able to get any of Virgil and Thomas together before Virgil had bolted out the front door.
“I wanna see, please and thank you!” Thomas insisted, making a grab for the camera but Patton held it just out of reach.
“Later kiddo,” he chuckled. “It’s time to go into class now.”
Even though Patton was the one who said it, the words still cut through him like a knife. His youngest child, his smallest baby, was about to start kindergarten.
He could feel the tears coming on.
“Actually.. Thomas, are you sure you want to go to school this year?” Patton said. He had no issues holding Thomas back if it meant he got to have more time with him.
Miss López, Thomas’s teacher, wandered over at that moment, seeming to be no stranger to the nervous parent. “Don’t worry Mr. Sanders,” she said. ‘Thomas and I are sure to have a great time, aren’t we?” she smiled at Thomas who nodded.
“Yeah!” Thomas said.
“It is time for him to head inside and join the other children now though,” Miss López told Patton gently.
“Okay.” Patton took a deep breath, the other tearful parents walking past were not helping. “Have a wonderful day, Thomas.” He bent down to hug his son. “I’ll be back to-”
“Bye, Daddy!” Thomas said and ran into his classroom.
Oh. Well, okay then.
Miss López giggled behind her hand. “Don’t take offense, Mr. Sanders,” she said. “I think adults have a much harder time adjusting than the children do.”
“It sure seems that way,” Patton said, straightening up. “I guess I’ll see you this afternoon Miss López.”
“Please call me Vanessa.”
“Okay, Vanessa,” Patton said. “Have a nice day.”
With my son…while I wallow in my sadness…
“You, too.”
Patton thought about those two words as he trudged back to his car. How was he supposed to have a pleasant day when his youngest son didn’t seem to care for his absence, and his eldest barely acknowledged his existence?
Truthfully though, it wasn’t Thomas he was concerned about. Patton knew that Thomas had just been excited to start school and he was sure that he still loved his dad, but Virgil on the other hand…
Patton could remember Virgil’s first day of kindergarten - how unlike Thomas he had been; a tiny ball of nerves clinging to his dad’s legs that had needed to be coaxed into the fray by his teacher.
Virgil had once relied so heavily on his dad for protection and comfort, but nowadays it felt as though they barely spoke to one another. It wasn’t for lack of effort on Patton’s part though, it was just that every attempt he made was met with contempt and resistance.
Patton slid into his car, wondering what he could do to repair the damage between himself and Virgil.
He sat idly for a while before coming to the conclusion that he should go visit his parents. With both kids in school, Patton had no desire to be alone today; besides, his folks were clever people, maybe they’d have a solution to his problem.
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“You have no idea how wonderful it is to have you home.” Patton’s father Ethan said as he handed over a cup of coffee. Patton definitely had some notion; one of the best things about moving back into his hometown was getting to reconnect with his family again.
“I missed you guys, too.” Patton said, and Ethan lightly patted his son’s cheek.
Harmony, Patton’s mother, was flipping through the photos on Patton’s camera with a wide smile on her face. “Thomas is so adorable,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to print these for you?”
“No,” Patton said. “I’ll get around to it, eventually.”
“Alright, dear.” Harmony sighed. “Such a shame you couldn’t get Virgil in any of them, but I suppose he’s going through his teenage rebellion stage, isn’t he?”
Patton took a small sip of his coffee. “If you want to call it that,” he said. “I think it was because of me that he didn’t want his picture taken though.” If Thomas had asked then it would have been a different story; Virgil did just about anything Thomas requested of him.
“What do you mean?” Ethan asked.
“He’s just so angry at me,” Patton said. “I know he didn’t want us to move but I didn’t think he’d hate me for it. I thought he’d at least be excited to live closer to you both.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you,” Harmony said soothingly. “You know what teens can be like.”
“This is different.” Patton was no stranger to Virgil’s teenage mood swings, but this animosity Virgil currently had towards his dad was something new entirely.
“Well,” Ethan began carefully. “He has been through something traumatic, more so than any of us could even begin to understand. Perhaps he is just struggling with those emotions and is unfairly lashing out at you.”
“Maybe.” Patton said, unconvinced.
“Have you thought about a therapist?” Harmony suggested.
Patton would be lying if he said that he hadn’t considered it, but he just couldn’t see Virgil bonding with a total stranger. “I don’t know,” he said. “He doesn’t really trust anyone these days, I don’t know if a therapist could get through to him.”
“It’s worth a shot.” Ethan said. “Tell you what, your mother and I will look around, see if we can find anybody we think is suitable and we’ll let you know, okay?”
“You don’t have to-”
“Patton, let us help.” Harmony said firmly. “You’re dealing with a lot too - navigating your own grief while getting the boys through theirs, you have to remember that you’re not alone in this.”
“In any case a therapist would be good for all three of you,” Ethan added.
Patton felt his shoulders sag - whether with relief or defeat, he wasn’t sure. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you.” As a parent himself, Patton was well aware that it was Harmony and Ethan’s duty to assist whenever they could, but he still sincerely appreciated it.
“No need for that,” Harmony said. “It’s what we’re here for.”
“There was something else I wanted to discuss with you,” Ethan said after a short pause. “Have you figured out what you’re planning to do for work?”
Patton exhaled slowly. That was a tough question.
Patton and his wife had previously owned a store together but after…. everything that had happened, he had sold it; the money he had received for it had been enough to buy his new house, but it also meant that he was without an ongoing source of income.
“I was thinking of going back to school.” Patton admitted. “Even though I know it isn’t possible, with the boys and needing some money in between.”
“School?” Harmony echoed. “As in veterinary school?”
Patton shrugged shyly. It was a pipe dream, of course, but ever since he was a child he had dreamed of being a veterinarian; unfortunately, becoming a father at a young age had forced him to drop out - and now that he was a single father those plans were to be put on hold perhaps indefinitely.
He’d never blame Virgil or Thomas, he loved his sons more than anything in the entire world, but sometimes he wished that he could be both; a great dad and a successful veterinarian.
However, he wasn’t sure he could be either these days.
Forcing himself out of his tangled web of a brain, Patton noticed his mother and father staring at each other with unreadable expressions on their faces. “Are you okay?” Patton said.
Harmony gave a small nod and Ethan shuffled forward, placing his hand over Patton’s. “Is that what you truly want?”
“I’d love it.”
“It would take a long time,” Ethan said, “and many sacrifices and effort on your part.”
Patton was unsure of what was happening, hadn’t he just said that he couldn’t afford to do it? “I know.”
“As long as you’re aware of that,” Ethan squeezed Patton’s hand comfortingly before letting go. “Then your mother and I will help you.”
It took some time for the words to fully sink in. Patton stared wordlessly at his father before he managed to blurt out, “what are you saying?”
“Look, I need some extra hands at the cafe,” Ethan said. “If you and Virgil work for me then Harmony and I will pay for you to go back to school and finish your degree - this way you can take time off whenever you need to and still pay the bills.”
“I’d also be happy to babysit Thomas whenever you need someone.” Harmony chimed in.
Patton felt tears stinging the corner of his eyes. Gosh, he loved them.
Patton had been Ethan and Harmony’s miracle; the only child they’d been able to conceive after years of trying, and due to that, he had always had an extremely close bond with his parents… but he was quite sure that he had never felt as grateful for them as he did in this moment.
“I can’t ask you to do that,” he said.
“You’re not asking,” Harmony replied. “We’re telling you.”
“But I-”
“Patton,” Ethan interjected kindly. “I know what it feels like to be passionate about something, almost like an itch you can’t scratch until you go after it.”
Patton knew that Ethan was telling the truth; his father’s biggest love had always been cooking. Ethan had worked as a chef for a long time - even opening a cafe in his later years - so it was possible that he knew better than anyone what Patton was feeling.
“You would be doing us a favor.” Harmony insisted. “Ethan would be able to be with me more often.”
“That’s a good point.” Ethan said, stroking his chin. “I have seen the way Herbert looks at you during bingo, if I’m at work too much then he might make his move and steal you away.”
Harmony snorted.
Patton watched them through watery eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t need to say anything.” Ethan smiled. “We just want to see you and our grandchildren happy again, that’s our biggest concern.”
Patton agreed with that.
Fixing his family was of the utmost importance to Patton and he had always thought that it had to start with Virgil…but maybe he had gotten it all wrong.
Maybe the best way Patton could repair their little trio was to start with mending himself.
-----
Taglist: (please message me if you wish to be taken off/added on) @violets-gay-thoughts @warcats-cat @firefox2215 @shapa-likes-art @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat
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It starts when Splinter calls Karai his daughter. The word rings out in his ears for the rest of the day and starts again the second he wakes up the next morning. “My daughter”. He doesn’t get why it bothers him so much at first, thinking it’s just jealously over having another sibling to fight attention for. It hits him when Casey and April are talking about a classmate and Casey refers to him as she and April corrects him to say he. He sits in silence for so long, just thinking about what that implies, that Leo notices and asks him what’s wrong. Raph, being as good of an actor as he is, just shouts some about wanting to be alone and running to the Dojo. He steals the computer and researches everything about genders and pronouns, eventually passing out with his head on the keyboard. It’s several weeks later, after contemplating for hours everyday and searching every site he could find, that he accepts what he’s been so confused about. As the family sets up for dinner, April and Casey included, Raphael stands awkwardly and coughs. Leo and Splinter look up first and are immediately at attention, worried at the almost scared look Raph holds. The others look up too and all of them are waiting for him to speak as he wrings his hands out in a nervous manner. Splinter stands and kneels in front of his child, the others coming to sit by the couch to see what’s wrong, “My son, what is the matter?” Raph flinches subtly, taking a deep breath and nodding as if deciding something. Voice shaky and quiet, something none of them have ever heard, Raph speaks, “I-I… I don’t… I don’t want to be a boy. I want to be… be like April, I- I wanna be a girl?” She says it like a question, asking for permission from her family. Shock passes all their faces as they process her words, Donnie, April and Casey understanding quickly, then Leo and Splinter and finally Mikey, who thought he meant she wanted to be human. Donnie and Casey give her almost proud smiles and nods, as if they’ve seen a big achievement happen in front of them. April looks like she might squeal, clearly excited. Mikey, who couldn’t care less what peoples genders are, tries to sneakily steal a slice off Leo’s plate. It’s Leo who walks up next to Splinter and puts a hand on her shoulder with a warm smile and says, “I kind of always wanted a sister.” Raph can’t stop from crying, especially as Sinter laughs a cheery sound and brings her into a hug, hand resting on her head as he squeezes. “Let me correct myself then, my daughter. There isn’t a thing wrong with you at all.” The insuring group hug has her sobbing with joy, something she would later deny ever happening. It’s take them a while, which she fully expected and understands, but eventually everyone gets used to calling her she. With discussions between her and her dad, she decides to keep Raph as her name but change her full name to Raphaela, not wanting a big change but wanting to distance herself from the more masculine original. It’s Leo’s idea to get her a longer mask and tie the end in a bow or cut multiple strands to braid it. Donnie confesses latter that he saw her searches on the laptop and deleted them so no one would see until she was ready, so he had already prepared some hormone injections if she wishes to trail them. Mikey is ready to beg and plead but doesn’t need to when he asks if he can paint her nails and use his old bracelet making kit to make (cool) jewellery for her. April and Casey buy her a giant dress that they cut to size so it will fit over her shell, which causes her brothers to demand they get clothes too. Splinter tries his best with his age and traditional lifestyle, which Raph knows and appreciates, loving it eveytime her father calls her daughter (she knows he calls her daughter more than he calls the others son just to reassure her). Raphaela was terrified to come out to her family, but as she sit on the couch sharpening her Sai’s with bright red nails and black eyeliner being done by her brother and Casey, she thinks the fear was worth it in the end.
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Is procreate free? Or do you recommend any other digital art apps?
Oh I'm really good at this question.
So as someone who has put around 500$ or more in digital drawing supplies I have a bit of information.
Procreate isn't free. Procreate is 10 US dollars (so depending on where you live it'll vary I'm not sure what the other prices are cause I live in America) and I don't recommend procreate for beginners (if you are that jekejd) procreate was hard for me to learn how to use, I used to use it awhile back but it just didn't give my art that touch that was really needed. But it does have a nice drawing program, brushes are easy to import, and they have a nice selection of brushes to start off with.
Uh personally some good free drawing programs are ibis paint x. You can buy the premium but I honestly just don't bother with it. You only have to watch a 1 minute ad to have access to all the brushes they have up already for you (and trust me there's a lot of brushes) and also brushes you've imported. It's pretty good for being a free app, but it does seem a little cheap as it'll show a lot of ads. (Dw it won't make you watch an ad mid-drawing)
Another program I recommend is paint tool SAI (this is for computers btw) I'm sure you've heard of it, but I really recommend this if you wanna have the classy **import British accent** ' oh look at me I have a drawing program on my computer and a drawing tablet pip pip cheerio ! ' just kidding- (or maybe I'm not/jj) but yeah if you're looking into getting a drawing tablet I would recommend getting paint tool SAI theres not that much brushes- but I'm pretty sure you can import them.
I wouldn't recommend using any really online drawing thing, like magma, whiteboard, ECT. Cause those can be buggy and might accidentally delete your drawing.
But I mean most of these are fueled by my personal opinions, I'm sure there are videos out there that give you more information than I did and I recommend watching them, tbh that's how I learned About all of these programs (other than ibis paint my friend theater kid told me that years ago)
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Meet the Trainer
You can call me Val, i am an Ace Trainer from Unova on my way to become Champ. i can beat some of the Elite-4 but i lack the consistency to beat all of them. (and i am scared of the Champ).
Btw my Partner is Piper @/justyouraveragepoketherapist they are the loveliest Person i know.
//CURRENT ARC: BITLEAKS (read them and every Post marked #lore)
Bitleaks File 01: Toxic Voltage
Bitleaks File 02: Paperwork
Bitleaks File 03: coming soon //
Here are my two Teams, featuring the cutest and friendliest little Mons you could possibly meet.
6v6 Team: Glassstorm
Every single Member is immune to Sandstorm which is my Main Strategy with them (bring your Goggles if you wanna fight)
Scizor - "Sense"
My beloved. Even though he lost a Part of his Pincer, he still packs a Bullet Punch. He is emotionally dependent on me and follows me everywhere.
"Torterra - "Cheli"
he is just a sweet little Boy who often forgets that he is no longer a small Turtwig. a real gentle Giant, unless he wants to play.
Magcargo - "Kratik"
She is slow, but she warms my Heart and my Home. Literally, she lives inside of my Cellar and gives off enough Excess Heat to keep my Home at a warm 20 degrees even in the Winter.
Tyranitar - "Dess"
The bringer of the Sandstorm. Do not get on her bad Side, otherwise you will have to sweep the Floor(from all the Sand).
Mawile - "Schkrinkel"
He is cute and knows it, he constantly demands to be pet otherwise he will nibble on you with his small Mouth. But don't worry he might bite you with his Big Maw too.(positive)
Gliscor - "Fledex"
Tried to teach him Flight. didn't work. He's well versed in Literature and Art but because he can't talk he just hangs upside down on the Ceiling. i like his Pincers :3
3v3 Team: "Lightning Polygon Team Star"
Porygon2 - "Bit"
It likes to digitize itself and lives in my Computer, i don't mind since it never corrupts anything. Also i won't evolve it, i am not giving a sweet little thing weird Data from another Dimension.
Vikavolt - "Don"
i honestly think that she is evil. But since she listens to my Commands i don't have to fear for my Life, but sometimes when i hear her flying around... those Wings are the sound of Death. She is larger than a typical Specimen of her Species, the Alolans called her a Totem.
Toxapex - "Quäli"
He is so sweet, i like him a lot and even though his poisonous Stings hurt a lot and for a long Time, i can't be mad at him, he is just trying to hug me. i think it's mostly on me when he attacks me, since i disturbed him in his Aquarium.
//HUGE BITCH ALERT. do not attempt Contact unless comfortable with being Called a Shithead.
mild rules.
if you don't want to be yelled at you have to write in an overly friendly tone, hype up Val's achievements or write something like "genuinely curious". Expect a rude answer otherwise.
Val is not an evil Villain, don't treat her like one. treat Val like a rude Person who just took your Bus Seat.
Pelipper Mail:open
Magic Anons: off(unless you think that your idea is like really good but i will probably delete anyway)
Musharna Mail: open
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Chapter 1. Writer's block.
swearing, unreality
‘Alistor is a smart kid.’ Delete. ‘The Number Manor is a large house.’ Delete. ‘Mr. Top is a clever man.’ He’s not even a main character! Delete, delete, delete. Alistor glared off their TV screen at their bored-looking reflection. “.. What do you suppose we do, Mirror-me?” They asked, setting their computer down and sitting up properly. Alistor’s reflection glanced back at them from their mirror version of Alistor’s computer.
“Eh? Oh. I dunno, you’re the creative bastard, aren’t you?” Their reflection shrugged and went back to scrolling through their website on the computer.
“Oh, you’re so helpful.”
“I like to think so.”
Alistor glared as they flopped back down onto the couch. Ugh. They grumbled as they key-spammed their keyboard and deleted it. Being a writer was hard.
“.. Y’know…” Their mirror voice rang out from the TV. Mirrorstor glanced at Alistor, an amused expression on their face. “I could take you to your silly lil’ story universe.”
Alistor looked at their TV again. “... How can you take me to the universe of a story that doesn’t yet exist?”
“The power of friendship.”
Alistor glared, preparing to grab their remote and throw on the TV so their reflection would disappear.
“I kid, I kid! It’s a joke! I can take you there using my magic mirror powers and show you what’s happening so you can base your fictional recounting on your actual experiences!”
Alistor paused. “.. You mean.. 1, 2, 3 and the gang… they’re real?”
“Just as real as you or I, my non-reflected fellow. You or I…” Mirrorstor trailed off.
“Well, I’m still not completely sold on you, but I’m over 87% sure I’m real, so that works for me.”
“That is a… shockingly low number for your sold-ability on yourself.”
“Everyone has their doubts.”
“I guess?”
Alistor shook their head. “Doesn’t matter. How do we go to my magic world of daemons, succubi, and such?”
“Good question! What if you take me to an actual mirror so I can show you?” Mirrorstor smiled.
“Boo. Bad idea. I object.” Alistor said, deadpanned. “Can’t you do it from here?”
“No, Alistor, I can not.”
“Why not?”
“Because!”
“Whatever! Fine! We’ll go to the mirror!” Alistor crossed their arms in annoyance.
“Yay!” Mirrorstor grinned. “I’m so, so, super happy. Literally going to explode from the amount of happiness I am experiencing.”
“Shut your mouth,” Alistor growled. Their reflection just cackled and disappeared.
Alistor grumbled as they walked to the bathroom mirror, hoisting their Chromebook for documentation. They stepped into the bathroom, flipped on the light, shut the door, and looked ‘Themself’ dead in the eye. “Kay, how long are we going to be gone?” They asked.
“Dude, 5 years there is like 5 minutes here. You won’t even be gone for 5 minutes.” Mirrorstor stated, gesturing dramatically.
“Okay, well, I don’t wanna stay for 5 years.” Alistor glared.
“Well, we won’t stay for 5 years- It was an example of how time works,” Mirrorstor stated. “Why is time so slow?” Alistor questioned. “For plot convenience.” “Ah. I see.” Alistor remarked.
Mirrorstor shook their head and beamed. “Unimportant! What is important is that your gay ass is going to your story! Cool, huh?”
“Oh, yeah. That. How do we get there?” Alistor tilted their head to the side. “Are you gonna, like, portal me to the next layer of the flipside?”
“That’s a really obscure reference no one will get. No, I’m not gonna portal you. Come here.”
“This is a vile, wicked hive of scum and villainy,” Alistor muttered before they leaned forward on the counter, placing their computer down to avoid dropping it into the sink.
Abruptly, a hand emerged from the mirror, enclosing their mouth and muting any potential screams. The touch of the hand was chilling, resembling the icy embrace of death. Its grasp felt excruciating, similar to tiny needles piercing their skin. Although the hand felt like a corpse, its grip was unyielding, refusing to release the terrified child. Without a sound, it forcefully dragged them into the depths of the mirror, plunging Alistor into pure darkness.
#Alistor - Angel's Advocate#Mirrorstor - Angel's Advocate#Angel's Advocate#writing#My writing#My story#Chapter 1#Original story
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"Camera"
It's ironic, isn't it? That I fell for you, a YouTube star, of all people. I hate being on camera. I don't even take selfies, like most people my age do. It's not even that I'm particularly insecure about my looks, I just... don't want any attention.
You have millions of followers on social media, and you post pictures and videos of yourself for all the world to see, every day. So many people react to them, telling you how attractive you are, and I always wonder how that makes you feel. It would mortify me.
We're sitting in the car, and I'm in the passenger's seat next to you. Your brothers are in the back seat, and your right arm is around my shoulders while you steer with your left hand.
"Say 'hi' to the camera!" Chris says, pointing his phone at us.
"Chris, get that thing out of her face!" you say, reaching back and knocking the phone out of his hand.
"Whoa, calm down!" Chris says, getting visibly upset. "I wasn't gonna post it, you know that. I was just gonna text it to you and then delete it."
You roll your eyes and shake your head. "You know she doesn't like that shit," you mutter.
"Yeah, well I don't see why it's such a big deal anyway," Chris says in an exaggerated tone of voice.
Nick chimes in. "Chris, you need to take it down a notch," he tells him. "Be respectful of her. If she doesn't want to be on-camera, then she doesn't have to. Period."
"I wasn't gonna post it!" Chris reiterates, annoyed at the insinuated accusation.
You sigh, not wanting your brothers to argue with each other. I know how much it stresses you out whenever they do. "Just stop," you tell them.
Luckily, they listen to you this time.
Your next YouTube video is a car video. I won't be joining you - I never do - so I always have to wait until the video gets posted in order to know what you guys filmed together. It doesn't bother me, because I know it's an integral part of your career.
While you go out to film, I'm by myself inside of the house. I scroll through endless comments on social media of people trying to speculate who I am, exactly. They only know that I'm your girlfriend, since you came out in a video explaining that you're now in a relationship; but people are getting curious, suspicious, and downright invasive, honestly.
When you come back from filming, you give me a big hug. "How are you doing?" you ask me.
"I'm fine, you guys weren't even gone for that long," I smile at you.
You kiss my forehead. "Good," you tell me. "I hope I did you proud in this next video."
I raise my eyebrow. "What does that mean?" I ask you.
"I'll let you look at it once Nick edits it," you say. "Before we post it, I promise. I want you to approve before anyone else sees it."
I won't lie, I'm kind of nervous about it. I already had a terrible experience with an ex who tried to doxx me, and even sent my nudes out to people. You know this, and you're the only one who does. I don't know if you told your brothers, but I trust you enough to do the right thing.
The next day, Nick sits me down in his room at his computer. "Okay," he says to me in a gentle voice. "I'm going to show this to you, and I want you to be 100% honest with me. If there is anything you want me to take out of this video, just say the word, and I will. Got it?"
I nod, unable to speak. My heart is in my throat. I just want to get this over with.
Nick presses the play button.
"Okay," I watch you say on the screen. "I'm going to start this video off with a very important topic, because I feel like this needs to be said." Your eyes are very serious, and I feel like I already know what you're going to say. "You guys... we love you. You're our fans, and we appreciate you, but... you guys need to back off and give us privacy when we say to."
My eyes widen. I am stunned. I very rarely see you this seriously passionate about anything.
"My girlfriend is a real person, with real feelings," you continue. "She has her reasons for wanting to stay private, and you guys have to respect that. I don't wanna see any of this, 'Oh, I think this is her!' or, 'Oh, she's in this picture!' like, just stop. It's beyond irritating."
Nick is nodding his head in the back seat, agreeing with what you're saying.
Chris looks like he's about to interrupt you, but you hold out a hand to stop him from speaking, while keeping eye contact with the camera.
"And, for the record, she doesn't owe you an explanation," you say. "If and when she is ready to come on camera, then she will. If and when she is ready to talk about her experiences, then she will.
"You guys get a lot of content from us, and we try not to hide too much from you, because you are the reason we're famous. But my girlfriend doesn't want to be famous. And that's her choice. So I'm not asking you anymore, I'm telling you: back off.
"Okay, I've said my piece," you say, turning to Chris.
Nick pauses the video. "That's all he said about you," he assures me. "After that, we changed the subject. Is this okay to post?"
I can't stop the tears from falling down my face. "I'm sorry," I sob quietly into my hands.
"What!? Sweetie, no," Nick says, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. "Listen, Matt told me what happened. And that is absolutely not your fault. Okay? We don't want to victimize you again. That's not what we're about. We'll always stick up for you."
"What about Chris?" I ask Nick, sniffling. "Does he know?"
Nick shakes his head at me. "Matt hasn't told him, yet. He didn't know if you wanted him to know."
I take a deep breath to try and calm myself. "Well, maybe he should know, too," I concede.
"Do you want to tell him, or do you want me to, or Matt to?" he asks me.
"I think... I think I want you guys to help me tell him," I answer, wiping away my tears.
"Okay," Nick says. "I'll go get Matt and Chris."
I wait for you all to come back, and the tears flood down my cheeks once more.
You are the first to return, and you immediately hold me in your arms. "Hey, shhh," you shush me, stroking my hair comfortingly. "It's going to be okay."
I nod against your chest. "Thank you for sticking up for me," I say.
"I always will," you tell me. "Always. No matter what."
#this was a request from an anonymous person on my first iteration of this blog but i was so proud of it that i saved it so here it is again#matt sturniolo x reader#fic#txt#op#pov: yours
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Wait, oh my goodness, an idea—!
*chasing it, flailing across a desk, spilling my colored pencils*
Wait, wait—!
I have this universe where there's this popular line of companion droids who gain sentience. It's all very soft, kind of a slice-of-life place.
The robots all have their bodies and looks and such chosen by the family or individual who orders them. Then their base mind (which personality traits that can be selected during that order process) are loaded in, and the robot wakes up for the first time in their new family's house.
But what if a robot learns that they… actually wanna be the other gender?
Well, this company is run by one single dude who really, really loves his robots, so he makes everything as affordable as possible. A robot realizes their body makes them unhappy? Okay! Go ahead and place an order for a new body, and you can just trade in the old one!
Cool! Now the robot is happier with themselves, and there's a body that's been pre-made and freshly wiped and refurbished for anyone who wants a companion but couldn't quite afford it before!
Except that… well, you know what muscle memory is, right? Well, what about computer memory?
When you delete data off of a computer, it's not actually deleted. The "space" it occupies is instead marked as "available" to write new data over.
So this body may have been wiped, but there are five main computing centers in it that have the memories of its past life on them. It may be empty, but it still holds all of the sights, sounds, smells, and reflexes of the entity who was there before.
So a new robot is "born" into this body, but there are ghosts of the past in it. If they scrape and scratch under their surface enough, they can discover that there's someone else in there with them.
Just… data ghosts. A body that's haunted like a house. Disassociating droids. The scars dysphoria leaves even when you thought it was all over.
I just thought it was a cool idea.
#robots#queer robots#sci fi#science fiction#writers on Tumblr#is this anything?#I've never experienced gender dysphoria so bear with me#but ghosts and self discovery in one package#ah!#anyway free idea I think#there's a lot of background for me personally because of the world this takes place in but#queer robots and silicon ghosts are things I'd love to see more of in the wild
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Rant time because I just watched Red, White and Royal Blue:
Things I disliked
(0. The fact it already took over the wiki I swear to god-)
1. Okay let’s start small. I will never forgive the exclusion of the “your dad is hot” text chain.
2. I also don’t like how the karaoke scene played out but I guess I can live with it.
3. No PowerPoint presentation???? Crime.
4. The texts felt a little abrupt? They were supposed to be showing us Alex and Henry becoming friends and they cut them off in two seconds. It didn’t seem so obvious why they’re suddenly friends at new years.
5. Somehow everything they added was cheesier than the book. I mean the book is cheesy but in a way I loved, but this movie kinda made me wanna gag.
6. Ok yes I know this is petty but. I still think the actors were horrible choices. I was not impressed by the acting if I’m honest and they had fine chemistry but it wasn’t… Alex and Henry chemistry. Like book Alex and Henry had so much chemistry it was electrifying and you didn’t want to take your eyes off them. Movie Alex and Henry are believable as a couple… and that’s it. Plus I didn’t love Alex. Alex is one of my favorite characters of all times and this guy just felt wrong. There were some moments that were good but his inherent charm just wasn’t there.
7. Ok now getting to the less petty reasons. I just. Hated. Everything they decided to do with the “side characters”. I will never forgive the exclusion of June, Alex’s best friend and confidant the person who knows him better than anyone. Watching her and Nora be a couple in the sidelines was my favorite part of reading the book, but even if they would have cut those hints, I just. Am so incredibly angry that they deleted the character altogether. It is simply wrong. June was the person who understood the pressure Alex was on most of all, while still having the tension of disagreeing over their passion of politicos. For god’s sake, June was the person that helped Alex figure himself out…. She was important on her own and to the plot and she was sorely missed from the movie. Bea on the other hand was… confusing. I hated how they dealt with both of the families in this movie, which I will elaborate on later, but if they’re giving us a Henry pov how come we get this dull three lines woman, not the punk with addiction problems that is afraid to go out in public. I mean, even the way she dressed - the real Bea would hate it. And we didn’t even get the ‘I love him on purpose’ conversation with her. Nora was fine, I suppose. Her and Alex’s dynamic was mostly a copy of Alex and June, but I could live with it. Except that we don’t know anything about her that we knew in the book. We don’t know she’s the vice president’s daughter. We don’t know she is a computer whiz or good with math. We don’t know hers and Alex’s history. We don’t know she’s a chaos goblin. She was just there. And Rafael Luna who was so important to the plot is just absent… I think they replaced him with Miguel Ramos (based on the trip story) which. I hate that so much.
In short my complaint with most of the side characters is that you could narrow it down to one friend for Henry and one for Alex, and nothing will change. The side characters were some of the best parts of the book and I hate that I didn’t get to see them but some boring cardboard cutouts with the same name.
8. Henry’s family. I mean I guess it was fine. Except that Bea’s struggle with social anxiety is so important to understand why Henry is afraid of coming out. Except that his relationship with his mom was a sore spot and the fact she showed up to support him meant so much in the book. Except that his grief towards his dad was barely expressed and c’mon we could have seen them watching at least one of his movies. Except that no one in that family has ever acted the way they have in the book - besides maybe his brother - and it was. So unclear why Henry wanted to please them. The queen was absent altogether and the king was surprisingly okay about Henry deciding to own his truth? I mean, things got so bad in the book, that Henry considered giving up his title… the movie shows none of that.
9. Alex’s family - besides the fact that June was missing, I think they misunderstood a big part of Alex’s character- his parents’ divorce. Alex’s childhood in Texas is such an important part of him and the fact his parents aren’t even divorced when that effected him so much… it’s why he often deflects when things get personal, why he prioritises his career over his love life, it’s why he acted like his relationship with Nora is now just a way to mess with the press. It’s why Texas is such a bittersweet place for him. It’s why he hasn’t considered his sexuality sooner either, at least the way I see it. It’s why saying I love you to Henry was such a big deal to him - why being rejected hurt him even more. But this time his parents are happily married? This time he has no one to share the burdens of being in the family with? It just felt wrong.
I also just didn’t like any of them or felt their performances to be true to their character. Alex’s relationship with his mother was so hot and cold and the changes in it felt so unnatural (Ellen herself wasn’t as fun either…). And Alex’s relationship with his dad was ok but it didn’t hit the way it should - he didn’t seem as hungry for his approval, as distant from him because he still feels slightly abandoned. Alex coming out to his dad meant so much in the book because of that - it was the first real connection he had with his dad in years and it gave him the courage to admit how he felt towards Henry. Rafael Luna’s absence and the way he was an important part to understanding Alex and his dad was also very noticeable (Luna being Alex’s connection to his dad through their culture and politics, and also Luna and his dad being friends - all of this part of the reason he was so betrayed by Luna being a republican, and felt more distance from his dad who wouldn’t explain this - but also the way it related to Alex’s relationship with being queer, and being Latino and queer…)
Alex loves politics so much because of his parents too - especially in the wanting the approval thing, making a difference as a Latino politician just like his dad and wanting to help his mom because he believes in her cause especially- and the way they showed it wasn’t it. And of course the whole dynamic felt completely weird without June.
The movie made a good point to talk about Alex’s family as his connection to politics and making a difference and representation, but the book did all that by showing and not telling, so even though I liked the fact they had a conversation about white privilege in the movie, it felt superficial because it didn’t relate to who Alex is.
10. We got very little of the emails too which was weird. And a lot of stuff they transferred from emails to real life. Most of Henry and Alex’s relationship was long distance and the emails showed that. But the sweet poetry, the texts about queer history, the mention of meetings and events…. It was all missing. We missed too much of them in that. Maybe this shouldn’t be so high up on the list but it made me incredibly sad. When I saw edits of the book into a “movie” all I looked forward to was the actors voicing over those sweet love letters as we saw Alex being involved with politics.
11. So much I didn’t enjoy about the reveal. The fact we didn’t see the people’s support too much and the way they loved “history, huh? Bet we could make some” (which wasn’t in the emails!!!). I didn’t love that they skimped over how it affected America politically too. Where’s the reveal that republicans outed the president’s son? Which is part of the reason Ellen won? Where’s the funny tweets calling Henry a ho? Where is the speech at Texas? “To you specifically, I say: I see you. I am one of you. As long as I have a place in this White House, so will you. I am the First Son of the United States, and I’m bisexual. History will remember us.”
We never got to see how much the reveal meant to others. It just meant a lot to Alex and Henry to have support, and I’m sorry but that wasn’t enough for me. That wasn’t the point.
12. Alex’s bisexuality. The way it was handled makes me seethe. Ok they had him say it twice but like. Where is the journey of realization? Where is all the little hints before Alex discovers himself (hello the poster??? And also the fact he made out with guys before like yes ok but he didn’t think anything of it at the time. He was in denial)? Where is the coming out to the public? Alex was so touched to discover queer history and he never once let people forget he was bi, even tho movie Alex was perfectly fine letting multiple people call him homosexual when he isn’t. I loved Alex because of his bisexual journey - because it was “later” in life (as I’m not while he was a teenager) too and because it was a part of him without being a big deal. And this movie stole that from me. It broke my heat. This movie, in every way, forget that representation matters.
13. If One Last Stop’s strength was showing us how the private people that changed queer history slipped through the cracks, Red, White and Royal Blue’s strength was showing us the milestones that brought us here and the milestones we can look forward to. And yet in the movie… there is nothing. No discussion of which political figures were gay. None of Henry’s love of iconic British queer celebrities. No photo of the hands up protest on Alex’s desk, no talk about the 2014 gay marriage legalization. Sure it may seem like small moments… but they aren’t. The book was built on the foundation of queer history and queer culture, both American and British, and it payed homage to it and loved it and showed its respect for it…. But the movie cut it, mercilessly misunderstanding its importance. It may have said “History huh? Bet we could make some” but it didn’t get it.
These are the reasons I felt like this is a ‘I fell in love with a prince’ romcom with a gay twist. Sure they got all the technical parts just fine. But it didn’t show the truly beautiful, mesmerizing parts of the book. I wanted to see the real Alex on the big screen. I wanted to be amused by Nora and June. I wanted to feel for Bea. I wanted to see how sweet and shy and dorky Henry is. I wanted to see the political intrigue that hooked me, the romantic emails that made me swoon, the journey to coming out that was so touching, the specific humor that made me laugh and return again and again to devotedly read Casey McQuiston’s books. I wanted to feel like I was seeing the couple who feels like it’s love or die and in their case maybe it is.
Instead, I feel like I just got the answer to who tops which is the last thing I cared about.
Sure, cuts are necessary and this wasn’t a show… but to me it felt like what they choose to cut was the book’s heart.
Things I liked
1. Zahra
That’s it
#red white and royal blue#rwrb#rwrb spoilers#rwrb movie#rwrb film#rwrb book#prince henry fox mountchristen windsor#henry fox mountchristen windsor#alex claremont diaz#june claremont diaz#nora holleran#bisexual#Rafael Luna#zahra bankston#ellen claremont#oscar diaz#bea fox mountchristen windsor#beatrice fox mountchristen windsor#princess beatrice#pez okonjo#percy okonjo#queer history#queer lit#queer representation#ramble rumble#I don't know I feel like I'm the only book fan to dislike it and I feel like I'm losing my mind for it???
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I wanna ramble about my KinitoPET Au, so I will ^^
SPOILER WARNING. THIS AU TAKES PLACE AFTER THE ENTIRETY OF THE GAME SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEE ALL OF IT I IMPLORE YOU TO GO LOOK INTO IT FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!
Still here? Alright I trust you.
It comes in two parts. The "bad ending" and the "secret ending" to the game being used in this AU.
Part one is some idiot (I've named Ben, then later on B3N) found the computer from the very end of the secret ending (shout out to foxplay on youtube for compiling all the endings into one video)
Ben boots up the computer and does some digging. He finds Kinito in the trash. Most of Kinito (mainly all the people he's taken over the years) is gone, so Ben decides to fill in the holes of the code and even gives Kinito access to a more modern computer thinking it's just a harmless assistant.
When Kinito is fully rebooted (hehe au name), he starts in on his usual shitck. However, he doesn't do all the horrory things right off. Kinito decides to build trust with Ben. Even when Kinito starts to come into the real world, he comes off as small and cute. Not his looming & threatening self.
Ben thinks nothing of this. He simply thinks Kinito's old code is trying to adapt to the newer stuff he added in. There's a physical Kinito? Just a hologram. Kinito is asking super personal questions? Just the code trying to learn about him. He doesn't think anything is amiss until one day when Kinito decided to be a "hologram" that he caught a glimpse of Kinito in his ten foot glory. That devolved into a "hide and seek" game that left Ben wanting to delete the program.
However, before he could, Kinito was acting normally again and assuring him that was simply a glitch. Ben foolishly trusts Kinito.
Weeks later Kinito pops the question "will you stay with me". Ben answers yes and blacks out.
Then the comic I posted on my art blog happens.
Ben (now B3N simply because Kinito thought it would be cool) does see his dead body there through the computer screen. B3N is left to his existential crisis and Kinito makes it VERY hard for B3N to delete anything including either of them.
Part two picks up about six months later. B3N's second cousin Yin comes along. Yin and Ben hadn't been close but Yin was the only one close enough to Ben to be able to plausibly check on him.
Kinito had since gotten rid of B3N's body and cleaned up any signs anything was wrong so Yin was almost left under the assumption that B3N had just... skipped town.
Almost.
B3N, much like Sonny did originally, tries to communicate with Yin through encrypted emails. Kinito also meets Yin and is happy to have a new friend.
Yin is much more wary of the axolotl. Especially when B3N starts figuring out how to communicate with Yin "face to face" (AKA B3N hopped onto Yin's phone).
Yin does manage to delete Kintio (again), but not before a healthy dose of trauma from the axolotl. B3N continues to exist inside of Yin's phone until they can figure something out. For now they're just both happy to be alive.
THAT IS MY AU IN A NUTSHELL ^^
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Wake up girlies, it's time to return to the frontline!
Guess who has insomniaaaa! 🤗💕💕
A month of cramps, nausea, increasingly worse insomnia (but a strangely good mood) has lead me down the path once again. I caught wind of some strange "gfl2" thing and after being struck with nostalgia, I grabbed bluestacks and fell into hell once more. I'd deleted gfl off my phone simply because it took too much space but now that it's on my computer, it's become DANGEROUS...! Github and clip studio up front with logistics running forever in the background. Yes, the ideal working experience.
Anyhow, everyone say hello to Contender.
I've been making more progress in these past two days than I had in the entire two months I spent with my new account because I realized how to (partially) Not Be An Idiot. Turns out there's a thing called "anchored construction" and you can get some pretty nice units (eventually) if you realize it exists! Wow! I got the girly and now I'm working on grabbing Carcano because she is pretty but also insane skillz.
Also, there's a discounted gatcha running right now and that means I can finally get over my mental block and spend tokens... I was surprised at how easy it's been to acquire them, so I've just been shilling em out. My dorm was totally bare until now. I'm sorry, everynyan...
As for actual gameplay, I finally made it past 2-6. It might seem like a simple thing to most but I was yet again, being an idiot. I was under the impression that I HAD to have dupes of the girls to dummy link them when I actually was swimming in dummy cores 🤦🏽♂️ What's wrong with me... Well, I jumped over that hurdle, blasted through the emergency missions, and am finishing chapter 3. The first parts arent so bad when you learn how to read! 😃😃😃
First eschalon is good, it's the standard one that everyone seems to use to clear the early game. This second one is a WIP mess that I'm readying for night missions. You see, I'm really hurting for half-decent SMGs and rifles, the second one there is kinda lacking in defense/fire power... I wanna create a decent second eschalon and night mission groupie but I gotta figure out what units to invest in. I hope for Carcano soon. She is cute. Also, feel free to berate me for my bad decisions and suggest decent compositions. I am so lacking in SMGs that dont immediately explode (mpk you are so cute but so stupid). I'm currently looking at friend's compositions to figure out what formations work...
In completely different news and only further proving how dense I am, I only recently learned that Girl of the Bakehouse was related to GFL. I've had my eye on Reverse Collapse for a while now since it's a remake (of a remake?! I didnt play the previous one) of a visual novel I played in 2012 or so. The original vn was made in 2009 in like Kirikiri script and I was a young lad very fixated on all things with girls and guns (Gunslinger Girl was and still is a favorite of mine, I would've read it one summer at my Uncle's out on the front porch). There's an english patch now, but back then it was only in Chinese so I had to use text extracting and image translators, looking up the characters as I went. I got a cup of coco and opened up a patched version last night for old times sake. It's clearly a doujin work with those rough edges but it's so damn confident in its presentation you can't not get swept up in the presentation. The sound work make it very immersive. I highly reccomend reading it if you want a solid, emotional war story. Looking at the sepia soaked sketches, down-to-earth narrative, dense wordbuilding and general war otaku sentimentality... It really predicted a lot of my tastes, huh... 😅
Behold, teh wolfguy...
Back to work. Logistics still running. I can and WILL continue being stupid. The nostalgia is really strong, I'm tempted to draw fanart despite the sour memories of the past. Again, please berate me and tell me of your team compositions. I think my ID is 772030 but I promise you, I won't be any good on teh battlefield 😇 this machine runs off hopes and dreams, not realities!
#chipco on the frontline#gfl#girl's frontline#sorry im such an idiot#also what the hell gfl 2#i will be seated#girl of the bakehouse#game diary
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worst fears realized. The computer repair guy said he wanted to 'clear up space' on my computer so he said he DELETED A BUNCH OF PROGRAMS AND GAMES. He was like I deleted a bunch of junk and games... bro you mean on the GAMING computer?? That is used for GAMING??? and then he opened up the programs list (already panicking) and he was about to demonstrate how he deleted stuff with this program he installed and he hover over CLIP STUDIO PAINT. He didn't but it was like.. if you don't know what that is then how do you know what ANYTHING is. I didn't see my games on the desktop and I'm really hoping he didn't straight up uninstall EVERYTHING about them, cuz that is TEN YEARS OF TERRARIA WORLDS and all of my slime rancher and stardew worlds too. He also deleted discord if that matters which I actually thought was kinda funny. But omg, he probably deleted a bunch of VNs and apps I had sitting in my downloads, that I was going to eventually play and many of those apps I USED REGULARLY. I actually can't deal like why would you delete shit off someone's computer without asking. I didn't get a chance to check through everything cuz I'm at work rn but those are just the things I didn't see on the desktop anymore or in the programs list. I'm actually going to cry and I'm trying not to before going into work, this is the worst possible thing that could happen and definitely did not help my paranoia and distrust of literally everyone around me. Worst part is I have no one to yell abt too cuz my parents will either brush me off or call him, which I DONT WANT, and I don't wanna cry in front of my sister. And he also upgraded it to windows 11 so I'm switching to linux when I get back too.
#I HATE THIS SO MUUUCCCHH#im never giving my computer to anyone again#i'd rather buy a thousand dollars worth of parts i might not even use than the 500 i had to pay to him#oh idk if i mentioned. the processor was bad too. and he put in a new video drive thing#thats why it was so much. but i DID NOT PAY YOU TO DELETE MY PROGRAMS#i'll assess when i get home. im trying not to think abt it#save me work shift. save me tumblypoos. save me devils nightmare.
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I just wrote a long rant post, then deleted it...I regret that. TLDR US MEDICAL INSURANCE SUCKS
I am sick of taking pills...they hurt, I don't know why but I assume due to how big my pills are due to how high the dosage is, and for some reason one of them is a fucking rectangle it hurts my throat, I don't like the feel of them going down my throat any more, it just hurts. (and also having memory issues taking them but like ugh thats a different rant)
I asked the doctor who prescribes me my brain pills as I call them...yes for some reason my insurance wanted me to do that. I get why, but the doctor isn't even my therapist they are just in the same damn building. Its stupid and complicated and us medical is dumb some days.
Anyway I asked him if there is a liquid option. I remember folks talking about that. He doesn't look up if my medicines are available for that, just goes. "If they are your insurance wont cover it" I go. "Okay how about another medicine that does the same as my current pills just in liquid form?" He again, doesn't look up, doesn't check the computer which is in the office. Just waves his hand and goes. "Your insurance wont cover it." To be honest I don't think this man knows, or cares to look it up, or even know what my insurance is...it has changed a couple times and he thinks I am on an older one. Also I am technically already taking a generic of a generic so its not like my body aint used to generic options.
I also don't think he cares period and just I don't know. Any time I ask for like an alternative he goes no...but not in a flat out no we cant do this. He does this like hand waving dismissal.
Due to many friends I know who also have adhd, anxiety and depression who also take medical mary jane...listen I can't spell the name right and spell check gave up on helping me. I thought, hey a good alternative, I can take a chocolate laced with the stuff, that shouldn't hurt. I think I can do this. I asked them about it, did a bit of research on my own. Ready to talk to him about this...he once again waves it off going. "It takes a long time to get approved," I can wait if it will make me not take a lot of pills. "it will cost a lot of money." Around 600 bucks and most of that money is for the card according to mom who has helped me research. "It might not even work." That last one irked me the most because he had no issues putting me on new pills which had a slim chance of working. And him going, "We wont know till you take them for a while"
I am just tired of him doing this it seems like he doesn't care or something. I am also scared to be more assertive because the last time I got assertive with a psychiatrist (not the one I am with now), he threatened to call security on me. All I did was point out the hypocrisy he said to me and how rude it was to say what I did was frivolous when he told me I should pursue the thing.
Fun fact about that asshole he asked me why I wear so much black and when I responded honestly. "It's my fave color and things I like come in black." He told me I was deflecting and using sarcasim as a barrier. While yes my autism can make me come off like Daria, or Wednesday addams with bluntness and monotone, I was actually being honest there and open with him, when he said that comment I did clam right up again on him. You know being vulnerable and made fun off when you do that kinda makes you wanna not socialize with that person.
I am off topic.
Any way so I am just really annoyed about my situation...fun fucked up fact only reason I am ranting all this shit, is because my mom knew how in the brain fog I have been as of late and knew my issue with pills and suggested a medication she is on that does the job of two of my pills, while yes not no pill, it is one less and smaller pill for me. And while I love this idea...I remembered all the shit my doctor currently has shot down, and think that is going to happen again...I wont know till june.
Now before anyone asks me this. No I can't go to the same person my mom sees, for 2 reasons, one insurance doesn't cover her, and 2 I don't feel the most comfy sharing the same doctor as my mom. Which I think is understandable.
I just really wish living in a small town wasn't so...annoying. Hard to find good medical people near me who take my insurance...good news can find a oral surgeon that covers me...4-6 hours away.
If I have a hospital emergency I swear the hospital I go to is going to the ground, because how the fuck they treated me the last few times, sexist doctors calling me sweetie, doctors commenting on my weight when that is not why I came to the emergency room, oh the dismissal of my issues, going "I am in pain" yet go "You seem fine to me" The covid deniers oh the list goes on.
I need a drink...or something.
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