#i just decided that like.... whatever. if i feel like saying something i should just say it to him !!!
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Sham Sacrifice
(Hi it's time for my favorite headcanon)
...
Vlad Masters sat firm and proper on the Fenton Family couch, legs crossed, teacup pinched in his fingertips, fighting subtly against the sinkhole that came with the mistake of taking Jack’s usual spot on the couch. He appeared with all the same charm and delightfulness of an ant swarm rearranging your picnic.
Danny stood at the doorway, just-still-in-the-kitchen, just not inviting himself to join the adults in the living room where Jack boomed and rambled and Vlad sat so stiff and polite and nice that his tea in his hands was going cold.
“Oh, Danny you’ll love this story—Danny, you should join us—Danny this was, what, summer of ’84? When was that heatwave, Vladdy? The one where you—”
“There’s no need to bore Daniel with the mad ravings of two old kooks, Jack. Kids would rather be off at the mall or—some store, surely. No need to stick around Daniel on my behalf. I assure you I won’t be offended if you leave.”
“No worries, V-man. I’m good right here. I love hearing Dad’s stories." Danny met Vlad's challenge, speaking with more poisonous courtesy than Vlad had proffered first. "In fact I think he should tell a few more, if he’s got more in mind.”
“In fact I do have more in mind—” Jack answered.
Neither Danny nor Vlad were listening to Jack. They held eye-contact, Danny with a stern unblinkingness of a sheepdog on duty. A lot was said without words. A lot was understood when Vlad decided to visit through the front door. Vlad only used the front door when he wanted something.
And it was never good when Vlad wanted something.
“—the core reactor project, yeah? That summer? That was in the lab with no A/C. Top floor. We were sweating like pigs, all of us. And I dared you to eat the really moldy pizza from our fridge the night before and you ralphed right into—”
“—Surely you remember this more fondly than I do. Daniel, really, you can go.”
Not a chance.
“Actually,” Danny answered, brightening some as his opportunity struck. “I am interested in this. For science class I need to write a report on the invention of an important piece of technology. I was gonna ask Mom and Dad about the Ghost Portal. And now that you’re here, I can get the whole history.”
Jack made a giddy little noise. He leaned forward, words primed, but Vlad was quicker to the draw.
“Sorry to say, your faith in me is unfounded. I wasn’t the portal guy back in college—that was always your mother and father’s passion project. I was their skeptic.”
“Bet that’s got you feeling pretty foolish right now, doesn’t it V-man?” Jack chided, a quick jab to Vlad’s ribs that nearly unseated the teacup from his suspended saucer. “Considering the fully-functioning portal right beneath our toes.”
“I hardly feel foolish, Jack. Your calculation for the portal in college was never going to work.”
“What do you mean? Of course it did.” Jack thumped the ground with his foot. “It’s running the old girl right now.”
At this, Vlad’s eyes narrowed. For the first time he’d been shaken off whatever skeezy machinations had brought him in. His pride was being challenged, and by Jack no less.
“Absolutely not. With that calculation? Absolutely not.”
“Well forget the tea biscuits Vlad, because you’re going to be eating your words in a second. Mads, hold my spot,” Jack said, as if anyone was planning to take his spot. He bounced from the couch, scooted from the living room, and vanished into the dark maw of the lab stairs, leaving only the waning beat of his footsteps behind.
His absence filled only a swallowing few seconds. The footsteps returned, bounding upward, creaking with his heavy cadence, and Jack bounced back into the room in much the manner he left. A pad of yellow lined paper was clutched in his hand. When he dropped it on the coffee table, it revealed row after row of tight scribble, churning math, carrying down the page and occupying two entire pages more that Jack flipped through.
“Same baby I came up with in college. It just needed heavier dampening and higher voltage than what we made back then. The portal downstairs has that in spades. Well, in like two-thirds of a spade.” Jack tapped something on the last line. “The projection was still only hitting 70% of the threshold we calculated to reach dimension penetration. But it’s an art, not just a science. We fired it up anyway, and it took!”
Vlad grabbed the paper pad, agitated. His eyes ran over it. Then again. Until he settled on one line, a firmness overcoming his face. He tossed the pad back onto the coffee table, and Vlad leaned back into the couch, arms crossed.
“The lambda, Jack.”
“The lambda?”
“Check it again.”
Jack did, lips pursed, pad of paper nearly swallowed in his big meaty hand.
“What about--?”
“It squares. The units don’t balance otherwise. It originates from an integration step of λ*∂λ/∂t. It squares.”
Jack’s brow remained furrowed, firm, until delight cracked into his eyes, and he let out a laugh.
“Gods, my handwriting is gonna be the death of us. Mads,” he tapped something unseen on the second page. “That’s the genius of Vladdy. Cracked this puppy wide open with just a glance. I never noticed that in all my checking. That explains the missing 30%, at least. That explains how the portal took. Lucky for you Danny that Vlad was here—”
“Jack,” Maddie said.
“—your report can have the correct formula. It’ll be—”
“—Jack—”
“—A+ worthy—”
“—Jack,” Maddie said, curt. “Lambda is the ambient ecto-energy. It’s a few ten-thousandths of a unit.”
“It—huh.”
Maddie had surfaced a pen from her pocket. She sheared a few blank pages out from the back of the pad and started the formula fresh. She made quick work of copying it over, quicker work of solving it through – lambda-squared intact.
She hit the final line and hatched a pen mark beneath the number. Jack stared, confused.
“That can’t… no.”
He repeated the same. New pages torn loose. Formula copied over, processed, line by line by line—lambda squared—by line by line by line.
Jack settled on his answer. Same as Maddie’s.
Confusion made his face tense.
“So it’s not 70% of the way to the threshold… It’s 0.013% of the way to the threshold.”
He held the pen hard, his whole body holding firm and taut as the gears turned in his head. Jack’s eyes flickered across the formula, again and again and again. He looked to Maddie, like a dog issued a command he did not understand.
“But it worked,” he said, small. “But it worked.”
Jack stood, robotic almost, eyes lost in something far away. He disappeared into the lab almost as quickly as he had a few minutes before, but now he exited with a smoothness and a quietness so very uncharacteristic of him. It bothered Danny, somewhere deep in his gut.
Maddie followed, a possession matching Jack’s.
Danny’s fingers curled and uncurled. He’d succeeded. He’s successfully interrupted Vlad’s… whatever this was. But the disquiet infected him. He didn’t like it.
“So what does that mean?” Danny asked, perhaps to Vlad. “What’s wrong with the calculation?”
Vlad sipped on tea ice cold.
“Who knows?” Vlad lied.
…
The math didn’t work.
Maddie and Jack burned through paper, burned through pencils, burned through hours.
The math didn’t work.
Clothes stuck to skin. Sweat lingered fetid and stale in the cold basement air. Exhaustion beat like a slurry through their veins.
The math didn’t work.
The portal supervised all, placidly green, the light for their table, the light for their work when the lightbulb overhead burnt clean out and neither Jack nor Maddie could be pulled away to replace it. It stood, it watched, a testament of contradiction to everything they could not solve on paper, and yet everything they built directly into the fabric of reality.
And it should never have worked.
They threw every radical what-if they’d ever conceived over 20 years of ghost research.
The ecto-ether layer.
The latent activation stitches in space fabric.
The anti-ectomatter collision proposal.
The positive-feedback crystallization theory.
And still nothing worked.
All together, every crackpot theory in their favor taken for granted, racked them up to an activation energy 200x more potent than the calculation, and still just 2% of what would be needed to rip open, and hold open, a stable fissure between their reality and the ghost zone.
Maybe by pure luck, unfathomable luck, Fentonworks basement was directly situated atop a natural portal.
Maybe that would explain ripping it open. It did nothing to explain the stability. Natural portals were unstable by definition. There and gone in a few seconds. Not hours, days, weeks, months, a year, that the Fenton Portal had been open. Never so much as faltering.
It was late. 3am ticked away to 4am, and 4:30am. The discarded paper stacked higher than Jack and Maddie both. Calluses oozed from their hands at another attempt, and another, and another.
Maddie flipped through a folder’s worth of yellowed papers, aggressively thumbed over and over after two decades left untouched. And she settled on the one she’d passed over a few dozen times already, always seeking something else, something better.
This time she unsheathed it, and she placed it on the lab table.
“…If a mouse died. In the machine. If a mouse ran through the machine and accidentally bridged two live wires, and died of violent electrocution. 500 milliamps. Instantly melted into the circuitry.”
Maddie’s mouth was cotton-dry while she wrote. Ambient ecto-energy was low. Always very, very low.
Unless something very, very bad happened to something with the capacity to become a ghost.
The numbers wove. Maddie started the formula fresh, and it was pure muscle memory. A mouse. A big mouse, even. A 99th percentile beast of a mouse. And a wire that had been wired incorrectly. Something grounded that never actually grounded. An absolutely horrific amount of electricity.
0.37%, by pure numbers. If she included every permissive crackpot idea they had thrown on top, it topped out at 6% of the needed activation threshold.
Not a mouse.
“A cat,” Jack said, words gummy, tongue dry, face tired. “If we’ve got mice down here, maybe… a stray cat wandered in. Chased the mouse.”
Maddie nodded. It didn’t matter if it made sense.
She penned it in. A large cat. A devastating electrical short. Cats carried more ecto-potential than mice did. Ecto-potential did not necessarily go up with size. It went up with complexity. The things with the most ecto-potential were the things that most became ghosts.
1.45%, by pure numbers. 18% at absolute, absolute crackpot best.
“A dog,” Jack proposed with a shaky laugh. He swallowed. “A mouse… chased by a cat… chased by a dog… all electrocuted at once”
Maddie didn’t say the thing they both knew, which was that both of them would have noticed the evidence left behind by the electrically exploded pieces of a dog.
Maddie did it anyway. A mouse and a cat and a medium-sized dog, maybe just small enough to notice no evidence of, all together. All at once. All violently ripped apart, sacrificed to a machine still asleep in its wall.
Mice did not often make ghosts. Cats did not either. Dogs, occasionally. But infrequently. Very infrequently.
37%. At best.
“Jack.”
“Maddie, I know just—maybe something really smart—”
“—Jack—”
“—like an octopus—”
“Jack.”
“I hear, maybe, pigs are smart. If it was—”
Maddie was writing, already. Not for a pig. Not an octopus. Jack watched, and he knew what the numbers meant. The ecto-potential she penned gave her away. An ecto-potential that high.
65kg, an estimate
10,000 milliamps, a catastrophic accident, a death certificate.
A human’s amount of ecto-potential.
Maddie wrote.
And she wrote.
And she did not apply a single crackpot theory, not a single discredited proposal, not an ounce of exaggeration.
138%.
Threshold, and then some.
Comfortable, easily, then some.
For the first time, after all the hundreds of times she and Jack had penned this equation over the course of 2 decades, the number met her and Jack’s threshold.
A breakthrough.
A revelation.
A pure eureka moment.
Jack and Maddie were silent.
Alone in a humming basement. Alone with only the soft swirls of the portal for company, happy, stable, purring its contentment, singing to the cold air.
“It has to be something else,” Maddie said. And she said it weakly. And she said it childishly.
“You’re right. It can’t be this,” Jack echoed. “If someone died down here, we’d know. Dead bodies don’t walk away. We’d have seen it. O-or even if, if the body got stuck in the portal, we’d have heard of someone going missing.”
Maddie sat, quiet. A thought held her mind hostage.
“Unless they didn’t go missing,” Maddie said, and she said it barely audibly. “Unless the portal spit them right back out.”
“Then—that’s what I said—a dead body, on the floor, we’d have seen.”
“Not a dead body.”
“It had to be lethal, Mads—”
“I know Jack. But if they died, here, in the portal Jack, then their ghost did not get ripped away from the body and sent to the Ghost Zone. …They ripped the Ghost Zone here.” Palms slick with sweat smoothed over her notes. She pointed to one specific line and found her pen tip trembled no matter how badly she stabilized it. “The ecto-potential of a creature is how strong of a pull their ghost creates on the Ghost Zone. A strong enough pull means the ghost can reach the Ghost Zone and stabilize, like a fish reeling itself up, yeah? We agree on this Jack, yes?”
“Yes,” Jack answered.
“It’s what makes the math even work, Jack. Someone dying in the portal didn’t reel themselves to the boat. They reeled the boat in. Jack, they brought the Ghost Zone here…” Maddie wasn’t breathing right. She pulled sweat-soaked bangs away from her face. “Their ghost never left their body Jack. They died, Jack. And they walked back out.”
“…No. No,” Jack said. “No, they didn’t.”
“Then what?” Maddie asked.
Jack stared. He looked away. He didn’t like the expression on Maddie’s face.
“It—what about the ecto-ether theory?” Jack said, of the theory they’d tested and retested and tested all over, all night. He grabbed his pencil back up and pointed it aimlessly at Maddie’s piece of paper, pointed end out in self-defense. “If the ecto-ether is maybe… if it’s only 250-times stronger than we calculated. Then it could…”
Jack’s voice died. His pencil hung idle. Maddie’s paper remained unblemished.
“If it… was a pig,” Jack offered. “If it was a pig that died in the portal.”
“How, Jack? How would a pig get in? We lock all the doors at night, Jack. No one else can get in, Jack. It’s just us, Jack.”
Jack and Maddie were not there when the portal turned on.
Maddie’s statement carried two possibilities. Only two. Both felt like claws digging all the flesh right out of Jack’s heart.
“I want… I want to try the ecto-ether theory again,” Jack choked. “I think it’s the ecto-ether. I think it’ll work.”
Jack slid a piece of paper over, already covered in scribbles. In its single untouched corner, he started the equation for the several-thousandth time that night.
Above their head, birds were singing.
Sunrise hailed unseen from the windowless laboratory.
…
At 6am, Vlad answered his cell phone. The reception crackled, struggling through the layers of sheetrock above his head.
“Vlad?” Maddie’s voice crackled. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
“Not at all my dear.” Vlad leaned his weight against the wall, playing with the singsong melody in his voice. “But you sound exhausted. Is anything the matter?”
“Yes. Well… Yes. Jack and I have—all night—trying to fix the equation.”
“Naturally.”
“We found something that maybe works.”
“Oh?” Vlad asked. He straightened, pacing now, cracklingly attentive. “And what might that—”
“If someone died. Activating the portal. We have an on-switch inside the portal’s interior. The trigger we use to press it is external to the portal, of course. But if someone went inside the portal, and they pressed it directly, and if they died, and pulled the Ghost Zone here—”
Vlad’s red eyes reflected pools of iridescent green. He twirled his free hand in the fringes of his cape, tongue working over the fanged edges of his teeth. He stared, consumed, forward.
“—and just, you, I was thinking, you’re the only other expert I’d trust to… maybe weigh in.”
“What does Jack think?”
“He denies it. He’s still. He’s trying other theories.”
“Well who knows, surely? The answer may lie somewhere you haven’t looked.”
“…I’ve looked everywhere, Vlad. That's the thing. There is no more ‘somewhere else’. I’ve looked.”
“You sound like your mind is made up.”
“I just… if maybe you have some idea.”
“Am I meant to talk you out of this idea?”
“Vlad.”
“Do you think I have some secret information you don’t? Sorry to say, I’m just your skeptic.” Some noise came through muffled from the other side. Vlad flashed a smile. “But…as your skeptic I will offer you this—It all sounds a bit absurd, doesn’t it? To kill someone and have them come back intact and… for you to never notice? Who would they be? How would they be? Surely not human anymore, surely. How would you never notice?”
Vlad paced forward, booted feet clicking along his laboratory floor.
“It would be ridiculous,” he continued, with a building crescendo, “so unfathomably self-centered surely, to not notice something like that befall someone so close to you, who died at the hands of your own invention? …If I’m correctly inferring who, in your household, you suspect of having activated the portal?” Vlad’s tongue lingered along his teeth.
Maddie’s line held, quiet. And the seconds of static drew long.
“Ah, apologies. I’ve overstepped,” Vlad continued. “I meant this as a vote of confidence in you. You and Jack both. Two people as attentive, caring, compassionate as yourselves. You would notice. I promise.”
“You’re… Okay, thank you, Vlad. I appreciate it.”
“Is there anything else, my dear?”
“No. No. Thank you, Vlad. I’ll think about this.”
Maddie’s line clicked dead. A chuckle built to Vlad’s lips and he let his head tip back with mirth. It lasted only a moment. He stowed his phone. And as if the interruption had never happened, Vlad reaffixed his attention on his own portal swirling in front of him. It bathed him, swimming green, purring contentment.
And Vlad vanished into his portal.
#danny phantom#dp#dp fanfiction#GIVES YOU THIS GIVES YOU THIS GIVES YOU THIS#its my favorite headcanon so here you get a fic of it
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NCT Dream and your first time with them.
AN: Another suggestive scenario??? ngl this is more on the crack side tbh, just two awkward virgins trying to navigate sex lol. Still minors do not interact.
Mark Lee
You and Mark are touchy as a couple, loves making out BUT just never went that far, because both of you don't know WHEN you two should have sex. Your first time would be in a romantic way, like celebrating your first anniversary with him. You just wanted it to be special, and you're 100% sure that you want him to be your first. SO, the setup was cute, with all the candles and rose petals! But as soon as you two lay on bed, you two are unsure of what to start, but eventually, Mark leads you on. It was cute, and definitely a lot of giggles and awkward things happened, like stopping midway and watch Mark struggle to unwrap the condom.
Huang Renjun
Listen, Renjun loves you so much AND respects you so much. So when you two had sex, it was definitely a case of a drunk sex. Both of you don't know if it was the alcohol that's talking, or just you two who are very horny at that moment. It was just supposed to be a heated make-out session, until Renjun keeps asking you questions, and you can definitely feel he's hard at that moment! So in the end, you two agreed to have sex. You two stumbled on his bed, clumsily removing each other's clothes, and the lights are still on. It was okay to say at least, but you two woke up and just had a euphoria moment that you two just had sex. Renjun swore to you that he'll do better next time.
Lee Jeno
Probably happened at the spur of a moment. You just REALLY really had the urge to be fucked, maybe you were ovulating during that time it happened LOL. Jeno hesitated at first, keep asking you a hundred times if you really want it, but eventually complied. Jeno is such a gentleman to you, and tried as much as possible to make you feel good BUT he keeps on asking "is this okay?" EVERY MINUTE, but that's just because he doesn't want to cross your boundaries. :( in the end, you told him just do whatever he wants, but he still glances at you every time he does something, so you have to nod as a go signal. The sex was gentle. Very vanilla and you two cuddled after finishing.
Lee Haechan
Another case of a drunk sex. You two decided to do it after a minute of teasing each other, you two are just really horny for each other that you two did it with clothes on. You two aren't just in the right mind that moment, so it's the alcohol that's doing the work. You two did it at his dorm by the way. You probably won't remember a single detail of your first time with Haechan but you did remember giving a blowjob the first time and as he pulls you up so that you can switch position, you bump your head on the top bunk bed. There's definitely lots of laughter and playful slaps and punches that you two woke up bruised and with hickeys all over.
Na Jaemin
OH TRUST NA JAEMIN would give you the best first-time sex of your life. Really, when you told him that you're ready to have sex with him. His mind went blank for a minute, and as soon as he processed the information, he assures you that he'll take care of everything. LITERALLY, everything. Even though it's his first time, Jaemin wanted to make sure that you enjoy it more than he could. You two did it in his place. Set up a romantic vibe, (pulls up a sex playlist.) and was very gentle to you. He makes sure that you're feeling good, and you don't need to do the same as him. (you did, because you think it's unfair.) overall, just like Jeno, the sex was very vanilla but he gave you aftercare though.
Zhong Chenle
Yes he is confident with everything, but I feel like deep inside Chenle would be panicking when you open up the topic about having sex with him. He's definitely assured you that he'll take care of you BUT he's definitely sweating inside. Sure, you two made out a hundred times but sex is a different thing, so he probably tried to look about it first ??? just make sure he has the right knowledge about it. Chenle would definitely try his best to lead everything, even though he's panicking if he's hurting you or making you feel good. The sex was fine, and as soon as you two finished, you two passed out because of how tiring sex can be.
Park Jisung
Pray for the gods because Jisung is definitely doing it the moment you talked about having sex with him. When you open it up, you were actually shy about! You were stuttering and couldn't even look him in the eye. You two made-out a few times, and there were definitely a lot of touching too! So sex wouldn't be a problem, right? WRONG. You and Jisung are the most awkward one, really really shy with each other and did it with the lights off, with a small lampshade on a corner. Lots of "Is this okay?" with Jisung doing most of the action. After finishing you two just lay there for an hour and pondered about what just happened.
#nct dream#nct imagines#nct dream fic#nct fic#nct x reader#nct#nct dream imagine#nct fluff#nct scenarios#nct dream reactions#nct dream imagines#nct drabbles#nct jeno#nct mark#nct renjun#nct haechan#nct jaemin#nct chenle#nct jisung
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Mystery Pick-A-Card Reading
Hi, Hexlings!
This pick-a-card reading is about whatever the cards have to say. I shuffle the cards and whatever message comes out is your reading. This may be about love, academics, friendship/family, money, or careers. Whatever the cards have to say, will be said.
This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help. Tarot should be used as entertainment and not a for sure answer to your problems but as a guide, a sense of hope, and amusement.
Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.
MasterList
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Next Reading: Patreon Exclusive (I Haven't decided on a topic but if you have suggestions feel free to shoot them, doesn't have to be Patreon-related)
Pile l:
What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot: 7 of Swords, Hanged Man, 10 of Cups, Queen of Wands, 8 of Cups.
*Mr. Roger's Voice* I'm proud of you, I hope you know that (Meme). You are finally putting in the work, you're seeing your beautiful light in moving forward with achieving your goals. If you haven't started moving towards your goals or seeing the beauty in yourself, talents, etc, you soon will be. This energy feels more towards those who are starting to see the light after placing themselves on the bench for so long in not becoming their best version of themselves (don't have to be as many energies are in this reading). This could be anything for you maybe you gave up on yourself and fell into a deep depression, or you are tired of always trying and decided to take a pause. There's something in your energy before seeing the light pile l where you kept yourself in a shell, not moving forever stuck in limbo like the hanged man just waiting for whatever you were going through to pass. The movie Holes comes to mind where the little girl says "I'm tired of this grandpa." You are that little girl, but instead of giving up you are renewing your hope in achieving greatness. With all this cup energy this may have been your emotional health that has been keeping you from achieving your goals. Either way, you will or are finally seeing that anything is possible. You are able to do anything you put your mind to, and you're getting back on the saddle one more time because you are wanting to see yourself win. I get the sense that some of you had an epiphany where you had a dream, vision, a pep talk, something that sparked something in you to get up and do something instead of moping, being depressed, or having pity me moments. You are on your way to achieving your goals, don't stop this time. You have spirit on your side. They aren't going to let you fall. They know how tired you are. Sorry if this is all over the place, my fingers aren't moving as fast as the messages are downloading to me today, haha. I'm getting a last message that for some of you, this isn't even a goal this is more of you just getting out of your shell and seeing your beauty, talent, etc. For others of you, this is also just you getting out of your cacoon (depression, social anxiety, etc) and actually doing more than lying in bed, rotting away the day. You're starting to feel sudden changes within yourself and you are taking things day by day but slowly and surely you are hoping to win the race over your mental and emotional health.
Extra Messages: Moonology Oracle Deck: Step Outside Your Comfort Zone, Your Commitment is Being Tested, Time to Give Rather than Take.
As mentioned above you are finally stepping out and taking a risk and again if you already aren't doing so, this message has probably been either on your mind lately and you have been hesitant or this message is meant to be a pep talk to let you know that whatever effort you put your energy into you will not fail. You falter just a little bit but overall you are meant to achieve and do whatever it is you set your mind to. As the cards say your commitment is being tested. Spirit wants to see just how badly you really want your 10 of cups to happen. What are you willing to do in order to achieve it? What are you willing to overcome to see abundance? How much more can you really take? This is also a time for you to give yourself credit where it is due. Look at how far you have come in life and don't settle or falter back into old patterns, addictions, people who aren't good for you, etc. Keep moving forward.
Pile ll:
What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot:6 of Pentacles, 10 of Swords, 10 of Cups, The Magician, 3 of Pentacles
If you are wondering if you are on the right track, I am here to tell you that you are. You may have been questioning something lately whether you're on the right career track, should you eat healthy or continue eating junk, if leaving or getting into a certain relationship was a good idea...whatever it is..this is your sign that everything is working out in your favor and you are on the right track. Keep going. This feels like a continuation of Pile l but not in the sense that this is a part of it but more so if Pile l continued to show up for themselves Pile ll your reading would re-assure them that everything is on schedule and they will soon reap what they are about to sow. 3 of pentacles is all about achievement, artistry, recognition, etc whatever you have been working on will finally pay off and end a cycle of constant stress and financial hardship. Especially with the 6 of pentacles where you will soon have enough for not only yourself but to help out those you care about as well. For some of you, it has been your dream to "pay back" your parents, friends, etc, or just show those who have shown you love the same love they have shown you through gifts, money, etc and you haven't always had that unfortunately and it's made you feel some type of way sometimes. Soon you will be able to give more as you continue to receive more. For others of you this isn't even about wanting to treat others but more so yourself. You have been working hard and all you want to do is bask in the sense of peace, and financial stability, and maybe even travel. Overall hard times are ending and the party will soon be getting started pile ll.
Extra Messages: Moonology Oracle Deck: Take time to breathe out, A time for healing, emotions are running high
Anxiety and stress I sense is an all-time high for this pile. You have been stressing about what if this isn't going to work. What if I did all of this work for nothing? What if everyone who said I was crazy or doubted me ended up being right? Just as your cards say...take a deep breath in and out, take a walk somewhere, meditate, do yoga, anything that makes you feel relaxed. For some of you killing people in Sims 4 makes you relaxed or doing puzzles. Either way, take a step back for just a small second of your day and find your center to refocus your mind on things that are worthy of being focused on. Change your mindset from what ifs, negativity, etc, and change them to telling yourself how abundant you are, how grateful you are to even be in the position you are in being able to go after it is that you want, etc. Once you are done with all of that then keep going. Make sure you are taking time out of your day to remind yourself that you are doing a great job, you will end up where you are headed, and you have faith in yourself and the unknown. You are human and not a machine. Yes the grind doesn't stop, can't stop, won't stop. But you also need to make sure you are taken care of first before anything.
Pile lll:
What is your Mystery Reading? Tarot: 3 of Wands, The Sun, 2 of Pentacles, 4 of Cups, 7 of Swords (reversed)
You are a continuation of pile ll's extra messages pile lll. It's okay to pop out and see the sun every once in a while to take a breath of fresh air to remind yourself that everything happens for a reason (if you believe in that) and everything is going to work out. Whatever it is that has been troubling you it's not the end of the world. Even on stormy days the sun still peaks out through the clouds to let you know that sunny skies are ahead. Find your balance when you go through stormy days pile lll. You take everything as if it is a matter of life or death. You may be considered a serious person if not a serious person, life has been putting you through the wringer that you probably have so many stress lumps in your back and need a massage. Get out of your head once in a while and stop getting carried away with all of your thoughts. This message may be everywhere and it's mostly because you are just worried, bombarded with so many thoughts, etc everyone has a different situation so I am trying to make sure I get as much info as I can into this reading without it being 8 pages. I'm hearing "Stop letting your circumstances control you." You may tend to be the type of person who as soon as things don't go right or as planned your mood sours or if someone says something ignorant, rude, or dumb you instantly go into full rage, annoyance, etc. Find your center in not letting the small things, people, etc get to you so easily. My sister legit put herself in a self-induced coma because she let her surroundings, people, etc stress her out to the point her body couldn't handle it (she's fine now this happened 10 yrs ago, haha). Make sure you are feeding yourself good things not just food-wise but speaking positively to yourself. The things you watch, read, and listen to...make sure these things are feeding the part of you that needs to be nourished. Create a gratitude journal and list the many things you are grateful for...this can be as small as Starbucks creating pumpkin spice lattes. You have time. Everything is going to be okay. Also, this may be for only a few of you but stop watching rage-bating videos on TikTok. For others of you the last message I am receiving is you don't feel great about your circumstances, living situation, etc....know that this too shall pass. Find the silver lining through all the bullshit that is happening in your life. I know it's hard..but as mentioned it could be something as tiny as not having kids, cancer, or dying (even if you have your days when you wish you would).
Extra Messages: Moonology Oracle Deck: A fiery climax approaches, Meditate and contemplate, Don't let your past hold you back.
For your fiery climax approaches card I am sensing a release in emotions pile lll. You may have been feeling a lot of pent-up emotions and some of you may find it hard to release your emotions or you keep everything bottled up because of trauma either way a release is on its way to you in the healing process that you very much needed. Remember when I said to feed the parts of you that needs to be nourished with the things you watch, read, eat, and listen to...this is a season of healing. Pile lll....this is what I am feeling with your extra messages cards...this season you are entering you are healing parts of you, you didn't realize needed to be healed. Something is going to set of the chain reaction for this process of you being more conscious of the people you are around, eat, read, etc.
Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.
Stay safe and be blessed
Next Reading: Patreon Related (I Haven't decided on a topic but if you have suggestions feel free to shoot them,doesn't have to be Patreon-related)
#spirituality#witchblr#tarot reading#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#pick a card#tarot cards#pac tarot#pick a pile#pac reading#pick a photo#pick a picture#pick an image#mystery
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I'm Sorry I Couldn't be Here for You Sooner (Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader)
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Author Masterlist
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!BAU!Reader.
Summary: You have one of the worst days in a long time at work. When Spencer returns from an assignment to the BAU and sees your current state, he must do something.
Word Count: 2.8k
Warnings: Frustration/Hurt/Comfort. Just a self-indulgent rant. A lot of cuss words. Spencer is the best boyfriend in the world.
A/N: I just need Spencer to hold me now.
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The clock ticks and ticks, but the time seems to stand still. Even if you don't know how long you have been looking at that piece of wood, plastic, and metal, it feels like an eternity.
In the distance, a voice keeps throwing out words and sentences to which you should pay attention. However, even if you tried, looking at the clock on the wall is still more interesting than hearing Hotch talking about new protocols for field agents.
Still lost in your head, you don't notice the meeting is over and people are starting to leave the room. Only when someone squeezes your forearm. It's JJ.
"Are you okay?" she asks, eyebrows furrowed. You look at her and blink a few times.
"Uh- yeah," you mumble.
Are you okay? No, you're not. But why bother others with that?
On second thought, this may be a chance to spill what's on your mind. JJ is usually a forthcoming and wise person.
"Well, actually-" you begin, but before saying anything else, JJ cuts you off.
"That's nice. Because I want to ask you if you can babysit Henry tomorrow night. Will invited me to a romantic dinner, and our babysitter is sick. Hope it doesn't make much trouble to you?" the blonde probes.
Okay, you didn't expect that.
Not in the mood to turn the subject back to you, you say yes, and after thanking you, JJ quickly leaves the conference room. Alone with your thoughts for a few seconds, you wonder if the tightness in your chest isn't an exaggeration. You decide to forget about it and go back to your desk.
Opening a folder with the information on the last case, you are ready to write your report. But not too so far on it, Emily approaches you.
"Hey, how are you?"
You have doubts about how to answer the question. A few minutes ago, when JJ asked, you lied to her, and she didn't even notice. Maybe it's good to be honest.
"Actually, not so good," you sigh. And Emily raises an eyebrow.
"Yeah? What happened?"
"I just don't know, I don't feel good," you try to explain. But you're not sure how to do it either.
"I'm sure it's something you can manage," Emily muses. "Look, whatever it is, have a drink when you get home today, relax a little, and I bet you'll be as good as new tomorrow!"
You open and close your mouth several times, trying to get a word out, but nothing comes to mind.
A drink and relax? Is that simple?
You let out a hum, and that's enough for a response to Emily.
After wishing you good luck, she heads down the hallway, presumably to Garcia's office.
It's clear that Emily didn't grasp your actual emotional state, but you don't blame her either.
The last case was hard for everyone, so there is no reason to take it personally.
Focusing on your report again, you expect the sour mood surrounding you to fade eventually.
To finish your paperwork, you need to make copies of the reports. So you get up and head to the copy machine. After carefully placing the papers in the tray, you press the start button. When you think it will start copying, the machine stops mid-scan. You frown, and after a few seconds of nothing, you press the 'start' button again. Nothing. You do it again. And again. It's not working, and you feel your blood running hot.
By pressing the button again and again, anger comes.
"What the fuck is wrong with you stupid fucking machine!"
It's not enough to swat with force the button panel; now you're kicking the machine out of pent-up frustration.
"Whoa, whoa, stop right there, pretty girl."
Morgan steps between you and the machine, putting distance with his palms. And that's when you realize your outburst. Panting and still with the heat of rage on your cheeks, you are not yet satisfied.
"What the fuck, Morgan. Now you're defending a fucking copy machine?!" You hiss. Derek narrows his eyes to assess your current state. He's seen you mad, but it usually goes away easily. You are not a dense person.
"Okay, what's wrong, pretty girl? Since when do you unleash your frustration with pretty boy on inanimate things?"
Pretty boy. Spencer. Your boyfriend. Today, your boyfriend is conducting a cognitive interview with a convict in a DC jail—Hotch's orders. You wish he were here.
Morgan knows you usually laugh at his jokes, and even when you are in a bad temper, they help to light the mood.
Not this time, though.
"Don't talk about Spencer or me like that!" You snarl. "He doesn't have to do with any of this!"
Morgan doesn't like you are talking to him. Folding his arms over his chest, he let out an unamused scoff.
"Come on, don't you think you're overreacting here? Was this whole outburst only for a joke? What, are you four years old?"
You want to keep yelling, but a lump forms in your throat that is making it difficult for you to speak or even breathe. Morgan doesn't even wait for you to say something.
"You know what?" Morgan continues. "If you cannot stand the pressure of this job right now, maybe you should go home."
With that said and shaking his head in disappointment, Dereks leaves you there.
Stumped. Frustrated. Broken.
All the anger from moments before turns into an almost uncontrollable urge to cry. What have you done to these people? They are supposed to be your friends, your family. They are supposed to understand you and support you when you need them. And now that it's the time, they've only ignored you, minimized your problems, and even questioned your worth. Maybe Derek is right, and you should go home.
Defeated, you're strolling to your desk when Hotch peaks out of his office and gestures you to come.
Great, just what you needed now.
When you walk into your boss's office, he is already sitting in his chair, sternly looking at you.
"I won't ask you what's wrong with you today because it's your private life. However, I must remind you we are all professionals on this team. If you need time off, you have the right to get it, but I will not tolerate disrespect, like when you are distracted as I give fundamental instructions. If you don't pay attention, it could affect your work in the field and even put the lives of innocent people at risk."
If you didn't feel trampled before, now you feel like a ton of dirt was dumped on you.
You know Hotch can be sharp with words, but his ultimate goal is always to look after the team. But why does it feel like you're not part of that team right now?
"Do I make myself clear?"
With no more energy left in your body, you just let out a 'yes, sir.' Without waiting for another response, he sends you back to your desk.
It's already noon when you resume your work. Your mind spins at a mile an hour, and although it's hard, you force yourself to concentrate enough to get your job done, so at least the salary they pay you is worth it.
Like a mollusk in its shell, you close yourself in that bubble and stop paying attention to your surroundings. It's your safe place—only you.
In the distance, you feel your coworkers come and go. Never do you look up. Time goes by, and your throat feels dry from not speaking for hours.
Before everyone starts planning lunch, you are already picking up your lunch bag.
Social interaction is out of the table, so you are secluded in the building roof where an improvisated garden has benches. You sit alone, and the breeze helps to steady your breathing. As you open your Tupperware, you tentatively plunge the fork into the almost-cold pasta.
Even so, you're better here than in the bullpen minutes ago.
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Spencer walks through the doors of the BAU. It's 2 in the afternoon, so hopefully, the team is still having lunch in the conference room. Slightly worried that he wouldn't be able to reach you when he wanted to let you know he was on his way, he assumed that you had a lot of work and that your phone was mute.
Arriving at the conference room, Spencer scans the place and immediately catches something odd. You are not there. JJ, Prentiss, Morgan, Rossi, and Hotch are, though.
With an eyebrow furrowed, he asks, "Where is she?"
His teammates perk their heads up.
"Hello to you, pretty boy," Morgan teases.
"How was the interview?" JJ asks.
"Did you eat? You still can sit with us," Prentiss offers.
"Did you get the interview done?" Hotch asks with a raised eyebrow.
Spencer gets an uneasy feeling about what's going on. He knows you weren't feeling so okay this morning, and even if he tried to convince you to take a sick day, you didn't let him.
"Neither of you responded my question," Spencer points, voice harsher than when he asked first.
"(Y/N)? I thought she went home," Morgan muses.
"Why would she do that?" Spencer questions, alarmed. "Something bad happened?"
"She said she was okay when I asked earlier," JJ explains. "Maybe she has an errand to do."
"She was way distracted when we were at the meeting in the morning. She didn't listen a thing of what I said," Hotch adds.
"And you sent her home?" Spencer directs his question to Hotch.
"No, I didn't. She didn't ask it either when I called her to my office."
"You called her to your office? Did you reprimand her?" Spencer asks in disbelief.
"Of course, I did it, Reid. She did something disrespectful to the team," Hotch defends.
"And considering her rage moment directed to the copy machine, maybe it's better if she went home," Morgan supplies.
"Why are you being so dramatic, Reid?" Emily questions, very confused about why Spencer is so upset.
Spencer huffs, frustration running in his veins.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Did you ever realize she wasn't doing okay and nobody took her seriously? Yeah, sure, she said she was okay, but did you really check on her? Did you really ask her what was wrong? Did someone listen to her?"
The people in the room go silent after Spencer scolds them.
Did they help in any way?
"You are unbelievable, and you call yourself profilers," Spencer huffs, turning to exit the room in search of you.
"What are you doing, Reid?" Hotch asks. No turning around to face his boss, and halfway out, Spencer replies.
"The thing you should have done in the first place. And I don't care if it doesn't fall protocol, I can give you my resignation letter tomorrow."
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When Spencer reaches the building roof and sees you sitting on one of the benches, he lets out a sigh of relief. He suspected you might be there, considering your things were still on your desk.
You can't see it since your back is turned. Your eyes look at the horizon without focusing on anything in particular.
The breeze is nice despite the November weather in Virginia.
Not wanting to scare you, Spencer slowly approaches you as he clears his throat. You turn around and see him standing a couple of meters away from you, but close enough to see your eyes red from crying.
You know he noticed it, and you avert his gaze.
You don't like the idea of looking vulnerable right now. The morning was already catastrophic enough to explain your current state of mind to Spencer.
Spencer is a man of many words. He is known for his diatribes on any topic at hand. So you expect some kind of rant or even some statistical data about what could be happening to you.
But contradicting his very nature, he just silently approaches, takes your hand to get you up from the bench, and pulls you into a tight, comforting embrace.
And for the first time all day, you feel like you can actually breathe, and your chest isn't tight anymore. Words are not necessary; just being held like that is enough for now.
Spencer kisses the top of your head lovingly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be here for you sooner. I'm sorry you had such a horrible morning," your boyfriend laments.
You shake your head, still buried in his chest.
Tears fight to come out from the corners of your eyes, and you no longer want to hold them back.
"Let it out, baby. Just let them out."
And that's what you do. For the first time all day, you allow yourself to cry without holding back. Spencer has you the entire time, rubbing your back soothingly.
"I don't know why I feel so bad, Spencer. I don't understand," you muffle your words into his embrace.
"It's okay, love. You don't have to explain to me, or anyone for that matter. There are days when we are not okay, and it's completely valid. Never think you don't have the right to."
Hearing Spencer say that relieves some of the pressure on your head, but you can't help but think about your teammates' words throughout the morning.
Separating yourself from Spencer to look at him, your eyes still denote your inner struggle.
"What if they are right? What if they are right when they say I shouldn't make so much fuzz and rather think about doing my job well?"
Spencer cups your cheeks so you can look at him.
"They are not. Okay? By any means, you are the most professional person I have ever met in my life. Not only that, you are also the most compassionate, selfless, and willing to help to the fullest extent of your capacity. Does JJ need help babysitting Henry? You don't think twice. Does García need assistance organizing a girls' night? You are the first one to be there. Does Hotch need to finish a stack of reports in one night? You offer to help him. Does Derek need a backup to kick his way into a place and catch the unsub? You're the first to watch his back."
You are indeed like that, and you do all that. But you've never seen it as something extraordinary. For you, being part of a team and a family means all that and more.
"And that doesn't even scratch the surface of what you have been to me.
My love, you have been the person who has entitled me to open my heart and love without reservation. You have taught me to trust and that asking for help when you feel bad is okay. You are the light of my life, and I swear I'll do everything in my power so you can see the wonderful person you are and that you deserve all the love and support in the world."
Without a doubt, Spencer has something with his words and eloquence. How can you not believe him? The veil of doubt indeed emerges from time to time, but having someone who is by your side showing you what is really important makes the doubts not cloud your path.
A shy smile appears on your face, your eyes filled with gratitude.
"There she is," Spencer whispers, stroking your cheek with love and never breaking eye contact.
"Maybe I should have listened to you this morning and called in sick," you sigh. Spencer kisses the top of your nose.
"I know you weren't going to do it anyway."
You giggle because he's right. Spencer knows you too well.
"Lunchtime is almost over. We should come back to work," you remind him. Spencer pulls a face, and you raise an eyebrow at him. "What was that?" You inquire.
Spencer laughs nervously. "It's just I may or may not have made a scene in the conference room earlier, and I may or may not have offered my letter of resignation to Hotch if he didn't allow me to come find you."
"You did what? Spencer, oh my God!" you start laughing. "Does that mean there's a chance we'll both get fired today?"
Spencer thinks about that for a second.
"Honestly? I don't think Hotch would risk losing his two best agents," he decides, winking at you.
"Hope you're right, Dr. Reid. Hope you're right," you voice, grabbing his hand in yours and making the way back to the sixth floor.
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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity @levi-of-starz @themoonchildwhofell @silver138 @lovelybaka @shinytinywhispers
#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fanfics#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid hurt/comfort#spencer reid x fem!bau!reader#aperrywilliams#amanda perry williams
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Hi! Liquid Courage introduced me to your work and I love the way you write so I thought I should trust you with a request of mine:)
Law x reader; in one point in time one of them subtly confessed but the feeling seemed to be unrequited They both are pining for each other, both have a sweet spot for each other and a connection beyond friendship but both just turn a blind eye to it/not think too much about it. One night after drinking a bit much Law(or reader) starts getting a little touchy but not in a sexual way. (ex. they are sitting next to each other and he slowly hooks his pinky with hers) The touches convey untold truths that are still felt the next morning. After that the touches and the longing stares continue until one of them breakes by the intensity of the moment and decide to confront the other.
I will leave the fate (and the nature) of said moment up to you. Thank you in advance for considering it! Cant wait to read more of your work<3
ps if it helps you in any way in my mind this is kinda angsty. I love angst+possessiveness but I don’t mind how it will come out for you! Really I don’t t mind if you switch up the whole scenario… whatever works for you
If you’re inspired by music, these two play in my mind: All i need- Radiohead + Just pretend- Bad Omens
DESCRIPTION: You’re both silently in love and finally decide to confront your feelings
WARNINGS: mentions of alcohol consumption, brief angst at fear of unrequited feelings, mostly fluff
CHARACTERS: Law
WORDS: 1,591
A/N: Thank you so much for this request. I hope I was able to create something that matched what you were looking for and that it's to your liking.
*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*
MASTERLIST | PROMPT LIST
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From the day you joined the crew Law knew you were someone different. You had a presence he relaxed around a lot faster than others he’d encountered in his travels. You managed to gain his trust and proved yourself a capable and crucial member of the team and situated into the crew to the point no one could really remember a time before you. It felt effortless to be around you and Law counted you amongst one of his most trusted and closest friends. And for the longest time friends was all he considered you to be. Whether through a mix of sheer obliviousness and professional refusal to indulge his feelings any further than that. The line was clearly established that you two were just friends.
However the heart wants what it wants and emotion is very separate to logic. Despite you both maintaining a friendship as deep as they came, your bodies still sought each other out. When it came to chores you were always close by. If not side by side you where always in the same room. When he was working on medical tasks you were his second, working in silent tandem with your own set rhythm that no others could match if they tried. While it annoyed the crew to no end why nothing deeper ever happened between you both, they decided to say nothing out of fear that if they did point out the obvious connection then that flow and peace between you both would shatter and be destroyed.
One evening the entire crew were in the communal area celebrating Bepo’s birthday with a lot of drink and laughter. You called it quits after a round of a drinking game was finished and moved cautiously to the closest sofa for safety, knowing that you were less than graceful when you’d been drinking and the last thing you wanted was to injure yourself and disrupt the festivities. Law smiled down at you as you slumped into the space beside him, resting your head lazily on his shoulder. While he hadn’t been actively playing with the game he had been steadily drinking and was at the same level you were. “Sure you didn’t want to play to the end?” He asked curiously.
“Nah, another round and I’d have been passed out.” You mumbled, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. A slow content smile spreading across your lips when Law also moved to accommodate you, his hand curving around your waist so you slotted better against him. Neither of you paying much mind to the position from both the alcohol in your systems and the natural feeling that overcame you both to be seated like this. As you both continued to watch and laugh at the antics of the crew who were still conscious and playing their game, your hand rested over his, your fingers absently looping around his.
Occasionally through the remainder of the night Law would subconsciously play with your fingers that were looped through his, he only became aware that he was doing it when it was finally time to go to bed. When your hands parted and you reluctantly shifted your weight off of him to stand you both became acutely aware of the lingering sensation of each other’s warmth and touch still clinging to your skin. The walk to your own room was a hazy blink but as you settled into your bed, you couldn’t help but touch your hand, doing all you could to memorise the feeling of his touch as you fell asleep.
The next morning you woke feeling a strange kind of weight on your shoulders and mind that had nothing to do with all that you’d drank the previous night. It was a good thing you knew your limits with alcohol so you could wake relatively hangover free, still a little stiff and dehydrated but nothing that would leave you bedridden all day. No this feeling was the awareness of how you felt with Law and being in his presence brought you. The more you thought about it the more you saw that you’d felt this way for the longest time, you just hadn’t truly brought it to the forefront of your attention before.
You got out of bed and readied yourself for a new day, grateful that it would be a day of minimal tasks and filled with a lot of free time given how heavily the crew had been drinking for Bepo’s
birthday which meant you had the time to organise your feelings and adequately deal with things between you and your Captain. You were also grateful that the abundance of hungover crew meant you would have extra privacy in case things weren’t resolved amicably. You walked down the corridor and stopped outside of Law’s office. Regardless of the previous night’s party he was always here first thing in the morning without fail. As always you knocked once out of courtesy and entered, closing the door firmly behind you. When you met his gaze you felt yourself freeze. You could see the realisation and hesitation you were feeling mirrored in his eyes. As comforting as that should have been you still couldn’t bring yourself to move closer or speak.
“About last night.” “We should talk.” You both spoke in unison, a hurried mess coming from both of your mouths as opposed to your usual calm and relaxed way of speaking around the other. You fidgeted where you stood and gestured for him to speak first while clearing your throat. Law watched you carefully and let out a long sigh, noting how tense you stood and how you kept looking into his eyes and dropping your gaze again only to repeat the action less than a second later. Were you only trying to maintain eye-contact with him out of respect but failed to do so because of shame? Was it regret? He knew how he felt but the last thing he wanted was to force something on you. “Last night I overstepped the mark. Yes we’d been drinking but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”
“Oh…” You were taken by surprise by his somewhat stilted declaration. Had you misread things? You hadn’t thought so. Now you were even more confused and found disappointment spinning in your stomach, the feeling only furthering your awareness that you had genuine feelings for Law. You weren’t known to be insubordinate but today you felt like pushing things because his statement truly didn’t seem like the man you thought you knew. “Captain, you held my hand and I returned the gesture. That’s not overstepping the mark. That’s barely walking in the mark’s direction… Do you regret doing it?” As you spoke you couldn’t help but run your thumb over your fingers that had been in his hold mere hours ago. “Because I don’t.”
“Regardless…It’s unwise to further this topic.” Law tried to sound firm but he was honestly thrown, he hadn’t been expecting you to feel the same as he did but he’d spent all last night and this morning trying to convince himself his feelings were one-sided and that it was fine that way because he shouldn’t pursue a relationship with a member of his crew. He wasn’t one to get his hopes up and at the same time he was also one to deny himself of something that made him happy to prevent the pain of losing it in the future. “We would be better to leave things as they are before they escalate.”
“Does that mean you want things to escalate?” You asked coyly finally taking a step towards the desk he sat at.
“It wouldn’t be right for me to start something with my subordinate.” Law offered the argument, not able to give much weight to his words as he openly watched you approach, giving no inclination for you to stop or to leave. You both knew that had he wanted you out of his presence he would have either ordered you away or used his Devil Fruit to accomplish the task himself.
“Captain, we’re pirates. What’s right and wrong and rules don’t exactly apply to us. Do they?” You asked simply, keeping the desk separating you both to allow him his personal space as you smiled at him. “All that matters is what we want. I’ve been honest, will you be honest with me, Captain?”
Law stood and braced his hands on the desk, beginning to close the distance between you both. You’d made convincing points and deep down he hadn’t wanted to find a way to argue against them, not when it came to you and the feelings he’d finally accepted to himself that had been there for a very long time. “Are you sure about this?” He asked, offering you one final chance to take it back because he knew once this started he wasn’t going to let you go. Your answer was a simple one, you leant in with a smile and curled your fingers around his that were braced against the surface of the desk. The wordless but deep connection you had with each other was reestablished and cemented even further as you leant in, able to share a soft and tender kiss with your Captain. However the moment couldn’t be savoured for long because within seconds the chorus of calls echoed through the Polar Tang as the rest of the crew had awoken and were suffering their hangovers and calling for their Captain to help them cure it.
#one piece#one piece fic#one piece x you#one piece x reader#trafalgar law x reader#law x reader#trafalgardwaterlaw#one piece scenario#one piece imagines#one piece fanfiction#trafalgar law#one piece law#trafalgar d water law#trafalgar law x you#law x you#trafalgar one piece#trafalgar d law x reader#trafalgar op#law one piece
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Was listening to The Red Means I Love You by Madds Buckley, and decided that I should make some twst guy bloody, so here we go!
Tw: yandere, death, blood, kinda suggestive
Jade x reader
You never would have thought so much blood could pour out of a person.
It flowed, just like water. Slipping into the carpet, blooming ghastly flowers of crimson red. Staining everything it touched, digging its claws into the fabric. Determined to stay.
You weren’t spared from the scarlet. Your cheeks were freckled from the splash, scarlet tinting your face, your arms, your torso. Leaving no part of you untouched.
The metallic stench flooded your nostrils, stinging every single crevice it could reach. A thousand wasps, sinking their stingers into your nose. At once, bile rose up your throat, the acidic taste lapping at the very tip of your tongue. You choke it back down the best you could, clutching at your arms. Pressing down into your skin so hard that your knuckles paled.
A rustle of clothing, before a hand slipped under your face. Fingers covered in crimson, sticky with bits of flesh and… whatever else spilled from a human when their guts are torn out. You hear a tongue click, followed by a soft chuckle.
Fingers curl under your chin, before firmly guiding your gaze upwards. Into a pair of mismatched eyes, ember and ebony. There was a time you used to love those eyes. Excitedly staring into that whenever you had something new to share.
Now? You would rather claw your own tongue out than to meet the gaze of those very same eyes.
The cruel, dastardly gaze of Jade Leech.
His eyes were narrowed, almost like a cat’s. Observing your every movement, every microscopic change in your expression. Studying you, like he would one of his beloved mushrooms. The ones he keeps all to himself, shut up within glass terrariums.
With a shudder, you realised he could have done that to you. Shut you up within four walls, imprisoning you in a cage of his own making. Perhaps it comes with having a sibling, but Jade has always been posssive with what he deemed as his.
Features contorting, you grimace at Jade. Squirming in his grip, trying to pry yourself free. Unfortunately, Jade only tightens his hold, his claws digging into the flesh of your cheeks. He chuckles at your attempt to escape, humming softly all the while.
“My insides are red, and yours are too.”
His other hand reaches towards you, smearing a streak of scarlet across your face, rubbing it into your skin. Blending it in, like one would do for a blush.
“And the blood on my face is matching you.”
Jade tilts his head from the left to the right, admiring his handiwork.
“And goodness you’re bleeding, what a wonderful feeling. You’re down and you’re pleading, my head is just reeling…”
A soft, sappy smile flickers across his lips. The sort of smile a happy husband would give his partner at the wedding day. The gentle smile of a lover tenderly embracing their partner, madly in love.
Not the smile a murderer should have, tracing a shape out on your cheeks with a finger covered in blood. He contented himself with drawing on your right cheek, moving his finger in two smooth arcs.
Despite your situation, you still frowned, trying to figure out what he was drawing. Two arcs, joined with a sharp corner…. Was he drawing a damn heart? On your face?
With the blood of the student who was just alive a moment ago?
Great Seven, the blood was still fucking warm-
Your lips part, ready to… scream? To cry? To somehow force all these sickening, disgusting feelings into coherent words?
But before you could even say a single word, Jade’s lips are forced against yours. Forcing you into a greedy, selfish kiss. Could you even call it a kiss? It felt like you were a helpless little fish, falling prey to the razor sharp jaws of an apex predator.
Jade kissed like a beast devours, sucking up every last bit of what you have to give, before eating you whole. Stripping you bare, from the air in your lungs to your will to fight.
Yet slowly, you felt his pace slacken. You felt him slow, his aggression dying off. Perhaps he was done, stealing every last bit of willpower from your lips. Just as you sighed in relief, you felt an inferno spark to life on your lower lip. A sudden gush of something warm and metallic flowing into your mouth.
Jade pulls away, his own mouth shiny with saliva, teeth coated in the scarlet red of blood. Your own blood. Your hands fly to your mouth, trying to stem the bleeding as much as you could. Through pained sobs, you choke out:
“Did you… did you just bite me?”
The only answer you received was a placid smile, followed by these words, hummed in a soft, gentle tune:
“The red means I love you.”
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#Jade#Jade leech#Jade x reader#Jade leech x reader#yandere Jade#yandere Jade leech#yandere Jade x reader#yandere Jade leech x reader#yandere twisted wonderland#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland x reader#yandere twst x reader#protection charm♦️
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It’s a dreary, drizzly evening that calls for streetlights earlier than usual, their light straining weakly through the thick mist off the bay, and as I glance down at Ivy with droplets of rain beading on the halo of frizz around her plaits I consider the fact that she was right, a jacket wouldn’t have been the worst idea.
The lights are on early at Michelle’s house too, the voile netting over the netting in the living room window not giving anything away inside, just the vague shapes of whatever is on the television.
As always, the door is off the latch, and inside Jen is leaning against the counter by the toaster spinning a butter knife in her fingers. She gives me a wary look when we see each other. “She’s in the living room,” and holds her hand out to Ivy, “Hey Ives, do you wanna hang out with me for a little while? C’mere, oh, who did your hair today? Was it your brother? Yikes, okay let me have a look at this…”
I gingerly push through to the living room, where Michelle is engaged in an intense discussion with both of her parents. She’s slumped on the couch with puffy eyes while they stand with their backs to the fire, glancing at me with alarm as I enter the room wielding a bar of chocolate, which, in hindsight is a bit of a pathetic celebratory or consolation prize.
“Hi.”
“Oh good, Jude,” Rahim beckons me over to the couch to sit with Michelle, and I take her hand, “can you tell her that this is not the end of the world?” He’s saying, voice tinged with impatience, “There are plenty of other opportunities.”
“Zero, huh?” I say gently, and she shakes her head, arm trembling as she passes the letters to me. One, two, three rejections. I read one of them briefly, from Paris.
“‘...unimaginative and containing cliches…’ wow, that feels a bit harsh, doesn’t it? I don’t think they needed to be all like that about it.”
She breaks down in tears, “I’m a terrible artist.”
“No, you aren’t,” I skim through the one from Berlin, “Look, they’ve said here that this year’s application was their strongest in history. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”
“I just feel so stupid.”
“What? No, you’re the furthest thing from stupid.”
“Michelle, there are other options,” Rahim practically pleads, “Why don’t you go back to the application portal before it is too late and put down something more reasonable?”
Debra agrees, “This is what we’ve been saying, Michelle, maybe art is wrong for you. See? You shouldn’t have changed your mind in the first place. There’s a good reason you decided against it-”
“Yeah well I want to do it now, don’t I?” Michelle snarls, swatting tears away from her cheeks, “Jude and I are doing this together, it’s already decided.”
Her mother eyes me warily before deciding that I should probably hear this too, “Love, you know it’s not always a good idea to make big life decisions based on your boyfriend. Nothing lasts forever.”
“How could you say that?”
“What happened to veterinary science, hm? Wouldn’t that be a good career?”
“I wanted to be a vet when I was like, seven, what are you on about?”
“Or she could be a doctor, like me!” Rahim attempts, but this is only met with a fresh barrage of sobs. I rub my girlfriend’s back uselessly while the chocolate softens inside its wrapper against the heat of my leg.
Debra is looking at me empathetically as I comfort her daughter, as though she and I have some connection now, like a baton has passed through some small exclusive club for people who have held Michelle while she cries. “How did you get on with your applications?”
“Oh, um, yeah, I got in,” I feel guilty even saying it but Michelle doesn’t really react to the news, as though she already made an assumption, but I jump in to finish quickly before she can make another. “I won’t be accepting any of them, though, I mean, obviously. I was only ever going to move away if Michelle was coming too, and, you know, unless London works out then that won’t happen.”
Michelle kneads her eye with the heel of her hand, “Did you not get the email?”
“What email?”
“From the London school.”
“Uh, no, I just saw the letters.”
Her eyes widen, “So you didn’t see the NCAD email either?”
“Since when were there emails?”
“Oh my God,” she’s on her feet then, all of her misery forgotten in favour of urgency. “Go and look right now, what the hell?”
“Love,” Debra attempts soothingly, “it’s probably better if Jude checks his emails on his own, isn’t it? The last thing we want is for this to set you off-”
We’re already running for the stairs, her behind me prodding my back the whole way up in a way that feels like she’s forcing me to walk the plank to my untimely death in a tank of piranhas. We burst into her room and she runs to navigate to gmail while I sweat despite the temperature of her room, which is always kind of cold.
I log in and the page loads up to two new emails sitting brazenly in my inbox.
“There they are, click them!”
“Michelle I just want to say that-”
“Oh, come on,” she seizes the mouse and clicks for me, first the one from London, and her voice is flat, “They accepted you. No surprises.”
“It doesn’t matter though, does it? If they didn’t accept you too then I’m not going.”
“Mm.” She immediately clicks the next one, from NCAD, “It’s just points,” she mutters in explanation, “So it all depends on our leaving cert,” scrolling, she reaches the bottom of the email where my points sit, undeniable in a bold black font against stark white.
I feel her stiffen. “One thousand?”
“Uh, wow, is that good?”
There is a long pause. “Jude, that’s literally maximum points.”
I can’t bring myself to look at her right away, but I feel her eyes on the side of my face, searing holes through my skin.
“I thought your interview went badly.”
“Yeah me too!”
“Well then-” she breaks off to make some noise that’s somewhere between a scoff and a sob, “then how did you get such ludicrously high points?”
“Like what I said, I suppose. They were arseholes to everyone on purpose,” I spin around to her, “What did you get?”
“Four fifty.”
So I grab hold of her hands and hold her very tightly and very still, I want to seem sure, “No matter what happens, we’ll be okay,” I promise, “Even if none of this works out for you, I’ll still be right here, do you hear me?”
She nods.
“I’m not going anywhere without you. God, I mean, why would I even do that? You’ll get NCAD off the back of your leaving cert points, I’m one hundred percent sure. And... even if you don't, I'll stay in Dublin.” As soon as I say it I start feeling nauseated, and dizzy, a bit heady like I’ve inhaled some miscellaneous gas from the science lab, but I fight through it, “fuck all of those stupid plans for going abroad, right? I’m here.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m serious.”
“I know.”
“Okay, c’mere,” I pull her into me and hold her tightly, taking in the smell of her hair, the way her narrow shoulders, her birdlike frame softens in my arms and accept that this is the comfort I will rely on from now on. True, it’s not always easy with Michelle, but we really do love each other. Sometimes love is work, but love is rare and worth holding onto with both hands and your whole heart. All those plans I had, I think, they were misguided, a youthful mistake. Perhaps at some point in the future I can move to Amsterdam, or Paris, or Berlin, or London, and do something creative and exciting, but not now. That’s what I’ll do in ten years, when everything is different. I’ll make sure to tell Sam.
Who did I think I was, really, trying to do all of that at eighteen? Now is for this, for Michelle. For doing something right.
“I love you,” she says, and I wonder, with her cheek resting against my chest, if she can somehow hear the way my heart tightens as though grasped by a fist, or how my breath catches in my throat when she says it. I’m surprised by the rising feeling that I might start crying, but I force it down.
Crying over what, Jude? I sneer at myself.
Yeah, that’s what I thought. Something stupid, as usual.
Beginning // Prev // Next
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Could you explain your position on Shallura? Since Allura was established as a teenager when she started dating Lance and Shiro was very clearly an adult. I can understand the bi shiro headcannon but the shallura thing worries me
i am going to remind yall that i have been in this fandom since 2016. and in the early seasons, allura was not established as a teenager. in fact she was coded as older, as closer to shiro's age -- there was a specific divide between her and the younger paladins that she did not have with shiro. they made her younger (both explicitly and in mannerisms) as the show went on. and i do not give a fuck about voltron like...post s4 and i didn't even watch s7-8. so like. especially with older fics, im going to enjoy shallura.
#also this is less relevant and i was going to put it in the main post but i cant find the words for it#but i found your last sentence kind of condescending. “the shallura thing worries me” as if i am your little project and things arent going#to plan. as if you are the Knower Of All Things and i am straying from my path lol. twas odd#and this is a controversial thing to say i know it but like#we take fandom way too seriously. if someone decides in fic to make two characters the same age to ship them or whatever. do we really need#to get the torches and pitchforks. like i can understand discomfort when people ship like shiro and pidge or something but. also. i feel#like you can just block and move on?? like i dont ship sheith bc they are brothers. to me. but also i dont think sheithers should be#harassed or any dumb shit like that. i think its so so whatever like theyre Lines man theyre moving lines#at the same time i understand that peoples headcanons can be reflective of their worldviews (like when racism/transphobia/sexism shine#through someone's headcanons/characterization) but how much scrutiny is too much? when do we get to remember that fandom is a place to#work with the FICTIONAL? where you can change details without consequence? i saw a fic where keith was the older sibling and shiro was the#younger once. it was a good fic. how come we can play with ages but only when the Fandom Council approves?#i guess this is a really long and clumsy way to say like. you do not own the fandom nor do you get to dictate my work. and while there#is always room for necessary criticism please also think critically before you post your criticism#anyways#rant#ask
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[Start ID. A digital drawing of Minos Prime from Ultrakill, who's wearing a strapless slit dress and sandals of the same deep purple. He faces towards and slightly to the right of the camera, his head is tilted further right. With one hand he gestures in a vague pointing motion, his arm folded and held close to his body. There is nothing in the background, but bracing himself on one arm, Minos is implied to be leaning against something about the height of a countertop. The background is a blank purplish black, save for three diagonal stripes in the colors of the bisexual flag. End ID]
Shading study that quite literally came to me in a dream two weeks ago, after this post apparently beamed itself into my mind
(also a few edits below the cut! they're very slight but whatever :])
[Start ID. Three different versions of the previous drawing. The first changes the tone of the lighting from blue to pink, and similarly the shading from pink to blue. The second replaces the faint black border with pink, purple and blue, syncing with the stripes in the background. The third combines both these changes. End ID]
#the tags got NERFED so let's try this again.#peridots-art#minos prime ultrakill#ultrakill#ask to tag#organs#...? gore maybe? for the whole ''transparent chest/visible cardiovascular system'' thing. not very detailed/realistic though so#i don't think this has all of the same charm as i usually find in my posts. but i tried my best to make it work so i don't think it matters#also ''not too happy with how this turned out'' is something i've seen tacked onto posts worthy of being preserved in museums#i heard someone say his snakes should be ball pythons. i'm not autistic about snakes so i decided to listen to the masters#i still have seven levels to p-rank before i can meet this guy!! halfway there (lust/greed and 1-3 remaining) i've only had my own copy#of ultrakill for a week and i already have 33 hours in. anyway he's grown on me i think. absolute bi king and only monarch i respect <3#i think it's interesting how i now define my queerness by being gray-ace and trans when i first only identified with bisexual. it's still#an important part of me even if sometimes i forget. sorry that sounds completely unrelated but it's related to my feelings on this piece#anyway (i wonder how many ''anyway''s i've slapped on so far) i also find it interesting how often people draw him with this body type.#i think it's cool there's variety in how people draw the uk characters. it just kinda feels right here? i know i unfortunately don't draw#fat characters often at all (partially due to being a primarily fandom blog who likes to stick to canon designs. i wouldn't say i have#trouble with drawing a realistic amount of fat even on rather thin people though lol) but i try! also genuinely unsure what counts as like.#fat vs chubby? or whatever? i don't know exactly how the terminology works and a fair amount of minos' bulk is muscle anyway but. yeah 👍#men are pretty in dresses my final message. goodbye
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for anyone curious-- kryptos, esp. post dimension burning, defines his gender as Square and Shape but not really Male or Guy, like that part's whatever to him, that's not the important part of his identity to him. getting to freely call himself a Square and Shape with no pushback is exciting to him because, as his status as a square-born-to-a-square, he was consistently ignored, told he should have been something else-- namely a pentagon, very rarely an equilateral because as tragic as a descent in caste would have been, it would have been more Normal Than This-- and forced into weird arbitrary roles and rotating schools and castes in early childhood before it was finally decided that fine, he was a square, they guessed... but also barely and because he was Barely A Square by the stupid laws of configuration and because the circumstances of his birth were so Strange and his Abnormality was so Apparent, he had to go to school with equilaterals so that only the lower middle class kids were put at risk by his Weirdness, and not the other Much More Valuable Real Squares. so getting to the point where he was one of the only members of his species left and he gets to just go "yeah, i am a square, i'm the only square left, and i get to decide whatever the hell that means now" was meaningful to him, and the guy part is like. whatever. but he is a square
#his assigned role was always v. arbitrary and shaky. his dad even asks if it's possible that he's a line when he hears he's not a pentagon#because a line is a parallelogram and he was being described as a parallelogram and the barrier between a line and irregular square#would very likely be arbitrary tbh! and it was determined he Was a shape because of his regularity in terms of angles and sides#but of course the fact that by laws of configuration he Should Have Been a pentagon or whatever also was a point of contention#and even him being equilateral would have been Tragic But Sensible by stupid second dimension standards#there was probalby some Unaccounted For irregularity in the family line (definitely the mother's side because if you notice in my fic)#(they almost ALWAYS blame the side of the mother. even oliver cipher did. because well! the seocnd dimension is a misogynistic hellhole!)#but a square having a square son? especially a square with the social clout of his father? that's just unheard of!#so there was a lot of squabble of Where He Should Go and what his caste role should be anyway#so him being a square was always something that felt very arbitrary and like an identity that could be taken from him at any moment#and he doesn't give a shit about his Caste Role anymore but he personally just likes being able to go 'actually i am a square'#'i am a square and i always was a square and i'm the one who gets to decide whatever that label means now'#he feels similarly about being gay. like 'no i actually understand this about myself now and i LIKE this about myself now'#'so i get to say this word as much as i want to now :)'
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#personal#i think that like... the dam's broken. for lack of a better term#or i guess the ice ???? idk man#either way. been messaging back n forth with him like crazy for the past few days#i just decided that like.... whatever. if i feel like saying something i should just say it to him !!!#and i think me being open has led to him being open....#god its so hard when both ppl only really talk when they have something to say JFJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJJD#like... i cant even make up a reason to talk to him. i cant pretend to be dumb n not understand anything. he'll know its bullshit NDJDJDJDN#n e way...... defs met my match here lmao. but really its been so nice just being able to talk to him when i want. bc waiting until being i#person was getting so !!@@@ long !!! like god. i didnt know i could miss someone so bad...... its so !!@@@@@@#gah !!!!!!!!!!!!#n e way. things are goin in the right direction#and hahaha !!!!!!@ i have a game plan to make sure we stay in touch too !!!!! me n one of my other friends promised to keep in touch with#each other and i was like oh should we invite everyone else. and she was like oh !! maybe ____ so i was like !!!!!!!!#so true !!!!!!!!!!@#gosh im so excited i really like them both so much we're all similar temperaments so ya..... ive wanted to make sure i keep them JFJFJFJD#n e way. we still havent asked him but hopefully he says yes !!!! bc he always sits behind us n im just like !!!! ik you wanna sit with us#so just sit beside us istg !!!! but ah ... i think hes shy#god hes so cute#and shes like not competition btw. like..... she has a bf. she knows i like this guy now (i spilled. i couldnt hold it in 💀💀💀). and ya !!#hopefully exciting things coming!!!
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Sad that we apparently have reached a point where people need to be told outright to manage their expectations for an episode of a tv show lest they throw tantrums afterwards.
#listen. i am and have always been on the 'manage your expectations and spec responsibly' train#i personally tend to stay away from spec. i have nothing against it. i may roll my eyes at it if i don't agree but i don't hate it.#but the way some people on here talk about theories - sometimes theories that stem from absolutely *nothing* - really steams my nuggets#because it's like they go out of their way to say 'we *know* this thing will happen' and make their followers believe they have some godly#insight into the show (which is ultimately on the people reading it and accepting it without any critical thinking don't get me wrong) and#when it doesn't happen people rage about how the show was 'baiting' when really all that happened was that someone had an idea and five#other people decided to run with it for whatever reason and suddenly people are acting like it's something we were told by the showrunners#so i really wish people would make it clear when they're just spitballing whatever from someone's idea based on a single frame or something#it's not your responsibility and i get that and no one should feel guilty for having fun on this hellsite but it clearly is a problem among#some group of people that they take everything as literal truth when it comes from a blog they like#man i miss critical thinking and media literacy lmao#anyway. keep having fun but manage your expectations please.
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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over#stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that#the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no#way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try#to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying#things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she#just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was#spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she#didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively#asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a#bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i#didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to#embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my#brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going#to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave#she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this#i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad#delete later
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i think im gonna ask my therapist to get me an appointment with the private psychiatrist she suggested
#yesterday was kind of the wake up call#for a few days ive been feeling very little… still feeling bad but like sort of numb and i keep questioning wheter i actually need meds or#not which .. in any case i will not decide but a specialist will but anyways#and i was looking through book fairs and how to get appointments with publishers to show ur portfolio and just generally feeling like the#most incompetent person ever and also like i will never get anywhere because my style isn’t exactly what u see in most illustrated books#95% of which are childrens books…… and those styles are just different#anyway i digress#my grandma called and she was like what are u doing and i told her how stressed i was and i just started crying mid-sentence and i told her#i dont know where to bang my head anymore its too difficult and confusing and i feel like im just not good enough and im tired of trying to#keep it together.. she knows im not well mentally#like i was SOBBING#and she was like u shouldnt think like that u have to be patient keep trying and contact those publishers and whatever#and i get that she was trying to motivate me but i just told her flat out i. am. unwell. i dont know what to do anymore with this brain#and i asked her to please not tell me how i should think because i cant#and i know my grandad was there with her because he always is and he heard and like an hour later he came to my house to pick something up#and he was like ‘earlier i heard things i dont like’ aka me being depressed out of my mind#and then he said ‘we should talk about it sometime’ and proceeded to completely change the subject to his gums problem because he was going#to the dentist….ok#and the funny thing is things like this where people acknowledge that im struggling but proceed to say nothing about it keep happening#like i have a friend that i talk to very often and we say p much everything to each other but now shes working so she takes weeks to reply#and i told her i was doing VERY bad and of course she has her problems too… and she hasn’t replied to me in like three weeks or so#and she sent a text basically saying im dorry i havent replied yet i want to have time to do it well and hear how youre doing but hear this!#and proceeded to tell me stuff about her work and whatever… which is fine but dont tell me u care about how i am if u cant even check in#when u do have time because clearly u can send texts…#anyways im rambling good morning i already cried and its not even 9 great !!
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the way everyone suddenly turned on lin manuel miranda on this website is so baffling to me lol
#win rambles#like you can feel however you want personally about his music but you cannot say that most of it is not objectively well written?#there's a reason why we don't talk about bruno topped the charts and was everywhere#sometimes... things that are popular.... are good#and like regardless of whatever you feel about a PERSON i don't understand this 'actually they're talentless' mindset#like i promise you you can just not like something. and just like. leave it at that#people do this to taylor swift too and act like her music is objectively bad which is just like. not true#but tumblr has always hated taylor swift overall i don't understand why we all just suddenly decided that lin manuel miranda is the worst#i literally just saw a post saying that anyone saying his music was good should go to hell and i am not exaggerating#like. can y'all be normal about things for 2 seconds??
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kyuuyakus so good not only bc its like the only song heavy enough i can tolerate at loud volumes that can Almost drown out my coworker who never shuts up but ALSO for the points ive said 74times & will continue to,
aru sekai shoushitsu set us up for something super sci-fi, which. yes. the series very much is. but it was so technical and almost coldly indifferent. and then we're given the whole "old testament" in the title & the whole intro reading that isnt far from dantes inferno type content as my good friend emimin pointed out. we've got this new aspect added in and at the same time the lyrics let you know this character's still dealing with the complex technical stuff, from the terms down to the second kanji in ashita being incomplete as though because of a program error or interruption or some other similar reason.
and it feels even more different because theres just so much emotion in this one compared to shoushitsu. all the "bye-bye"s written in ways that express deep pain, the fact that the "see you tomorrow"s are cut off in the way they are the first time, and so drawn out the second time. the genre's not the spacey, distant trance type that shoushitsu is; its heavy, its intense, its got as much to it musically as there are details in the story. it's not just to sound cool, it's getting her state of mind across just as much as the spoken words. the world's being destroyed physically & metaphorically, everyone's suffered this over and over, they've parted ways so many times and its just never something they can get used to, especially not if they want to keep trying to end this whole loop, she's stressed past imagination trying to keep everything in check when its just not possible, & the intensity of the music just emphasizes all of that. there's less intense parts too, sort of like a forced focus on what she's doing that all too quickly builds to a panic. or the in the second part where everything gets so dire, the bell's tolling and she's running out of time, the piano over top of it giving such an uneasy feeling, and then right back to that heavy panic. theres so much emotional charge in it you know the long notes aren't just magu having fun with it; you just know they're meant as screams. i dont even think i can say screams for help, i think she knows shes past the point of help or at least that she's supposed to be everyone else's source of help that it's just stressed lamentation. she's doing everything she possibly can and its not working so all thats left is to cry out about it.
and then u have the rute furute wo a motif in here that's added in under the "fractal wa/kurikaeshita" parts that really hits harder now with kannagi for extra context. knowing that this is in the past & can't be changed and everyone else is using this as a point of reference. then u of course have the nami no ne wo motif, & the longest & clearest instance of it aside from maybe oumen mokushiroku so u know she's herself & gets to live, gets to keep doing this & watching other people die. (although i have absolutely no frame of reference for how long she lives given this is a past event & she doesn't seem to be present in the more current time songs. we dont really have that context yet) & then we're back to the rute motif on top of what still sounds like a jumble of nothing. but i also thought the rute line was nothing and here its a big deal so i cant wait to realize what this other jumble is, considering its also under the last ima kizanda parts.
theres just so so much to it, so many little intricacies that build such a full picture from whats otherwise one of the more simple series songs & i cant love it more.
#aru sekai series#part of me is desperately like is that last jumble here the reason the end of ashura sounds so familiar to me#but its not quite right for that i dont think#its also not the repeating whatever from shoushitsu#& it didnt make any sense to me when i tried reversing it either so i just dont know#ashura's a different conversation but oh my god i am so desperate to realize why the end of it sounds so familiar to me#like which song is it from & what motif is it#its NOT the nami no ne no. i know that. that's not in that song despite everything telling me it should be.#which is interesting in its own right considering the whole. cycle of things with ashura as a concept & whatnot.#& yet without that motif it implies she doesnt get to live after her song so thats something i think about often#anyway i feel like what im looking for is in either kyuuyaku or touhikou or both but i can never pinpoint it#compels me tho#as ive said many times the sound design in series songs is amazing when magu says they compose to fit a certain mood they fucking nail it#i thought about putting this under a read more but ive decided to actively be annoying#oh yeah once again im not looking at anything directly this is just off memory & the lyrics i can understand#bc some of these words i forgot immediately after learning. whoops.
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