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lttleghost · 2 years

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The Thematic Relevance of Jesse Pinkman as an Egg 🏳️‍⚧️

(I wrote this analysis awhile back and wanted to make a fresh post to update it!)

While not intentional, there is a lot in Breaking Bad that supports reading Jesse as an egg. This reading of Jesse has a lot of thematic and narrative relevance and also doesn't create any conflicts with the canon material. Jesse being someone who hasn’t realized he’s not actually a man yet could quite literally be canon.

This analysis is heavily based around parallels between Jesse’s character development and what Breaking Bad thematically associates with gender. It’s also heavily interconnected with the show's overarching theme of change, and also, at least for our two main characters of Walt and Jesse, the revealing of true self. There’s plenty of evidence that each of them already had the traits we see them with at the end of Breaking Bad. Jesse being this very kind and compassionate young adult and Walt being this egotistical monster.

But I would consider Walt's self-deception to be more shallow than Jesse’s self deception. While Walt did end up in a lifestyle that was opposed to who he truly was, he consciously knew what he wanted to some extent, whereas Jesse fully convinced himself that he was a different person than the one he truly is because he never really got the chance to actually figure out much about himself.

There are a lot of examples of Jesse’s disconnected sense of self throughout the show, but the first one that comes to mind has to do with his superhero OCs-

EDIT: YO! if you find video essays more engaging than reading a bunch of text, this analysis now also comes in video form [link]

I think that Jane’s observation that all of them looked like Jesse was, in fact, correct. I wouldn’t consider him doing this as a conscious decision but I feel that he almost admits it. After initially denying that his OCs looked like him and after Jane affectionately teases him he ends up saying to her “like you never wanted a superpower.” And while you could interpret this as just a response to her teasing, I’m convinced that there’s an additional layer to it. Especially because when Jane leaves to check the door, there's a moment where Jesse looks at the sketchbook with his drawings and it seems like he’s considering something, and I’d bet you anything that what he’s thinking about is whether or not he had actually drawn himself and this is REALLY interesting since-

Jesse is a criminal right? And while superheroes themselves are technically criminals as well, as vigilante justice isn’t actually legal, they’re still typically known to be ‘crime fighters’, and Jesse describes his characters as being such. So with his OCs subconsciously being depictions of himself and them being superheroes (crime fighters) and his current life as a criminal, you get the image of someone who doesn’t know who he is or what he wants deep down.

There’s no way that Jesse’s current delinquent lifestyle was his truly… preferred path. It’s much more likely it was the only thing he thought he could do successfully. It’s evidently been the one thing he’s made a decent living off of. He has no support from his parents, and doesn’t seem like he has had it since he was a highschooler. Jesse is shown to have no support outside of the drug trade. Most of his personal skills and interests are artistic or honestly domestic in a world that assigns more value to academics and he’s a highschool graduate who doesn’t have any job experience.

I also believe Jesse is very aggressively ADHD coded, and the combination of having virtually no support, struggling with addiction, and having undiagnosed and improperly self medicated ADHD would make slogging through any “respectable” job that he has access to, or any job that his parents might encourage him to do, unbearable.

So the drug trade was his best bet, Jesse even views cooking meth as a form of art, something that he’s passionate about.

I can’t in good faith ignore that doing something that is... generally frowned upon, didn’t factor into what Jesse chose to do on some level, as society and the structures that it’s built on failed him and there’s an inherent sense of rebellion that often forms in a person when they’re failed like that. Granted, superheroes also tend to often contain some commentary on societies failings as well. Jesse just couldn’t actually be a real-life superhero. So with the few benefits it had in practice compared to any other job, Jesse played into the rest of the role of a criminal, and convinced himself that the aspects of it that conflicted with his personality... didn’t, probably without even noticing.

Even more to this disconnect; When Jane asks “and that’s a superpower?” in response to Jesse explaining Backwardo’s powers Jesse responds with “come on, I was a kid when I drew these, it was like four years ago.” And Jesse is 24 years old in that scene, meaning that he would’ve been 20 when he drew these characters, and when I first wrote this analysis I was wondering whether or not Jesse had gotten involved with the drug trade other than buying drugs by that time, but there wasn’t really anything I could confirm any theories with.

But now I've got the Better Call Saul episode “Waterworks” where Jesse has his second cameo, where he is in fact, 20, and in that cameo Jesse accompanying Emilio, a person we know is his partner in cooking meth, to Saul’s office makes me certain he’s in it by that point. And I just have to wonder if Jesse’s superheroes were almost a… subconscious vent, a manifestation of how being a criminal in the specific way Jesse is, is not what he wants. Something that suggests that Jesse’s actual identity and his current view of his identity don’t line up.

Another thing to point out about the cameo that could be seen as additional evidence of Jesse’s discomfort with being more than just a customer of the drug trade is that he was hanging out outside of Saul’s office, and until Kim gave him one he didn't have a cigarette, so he wasn’t out there to smoke. And while there could be other explanations to why he was outside on his own, I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to say, other than just his general skepticism of Saul, he was just not particularly jazzed to be where he was at that moment and not comfortable going inside.

So relating all of this to gender; that narrative of convincing yourself that you are the person that you’re supposed to be for your best chance of survival instead of being able to truly be yourself already works pretty strongly as an allegory for being trans. But to add onto that even more, thematically Breaking Bad associates “manhood” with the drug trade in one way or another, and paralleling how Jesse realizes he doesn’t fit into the drug trade like he thought he did with how he might not be a cis man like he thought he was makes for a really solid queer reading.

The whole show is pretty explicitly about toxic masculinity. Obviously in real life masculinity and manhood do not have to be toxic, and in Breaking Bad’s original intended story Jesse is a cis man who ends up not fitting into those toxic ideas of manhood.

Things that the rest of the male cast don’t blink at or at least have more mild reactions to, just tear Jesse apart. He’s also targeted at least a couple of times for having emotional vulnerability that is considered to be “not manly”. It’s much easier to point out the differences between him and the male cast than it is to point out similarities between them and this just gets more pronounced the longer the show goes on. He doesn’t really have any positive ties to being a man and I don’t think we can say we ever see Jesse actually reclaim his own sense of manhood. And I think that lack of reclamation gives even more legitimacy to the reading that, along with leaving the drug trade and all of its toxic masculinity bullshit behind, maybe Jesse just leaves behind being a man altogether, and maybe it was something that wasn’t really ever a true part of him, just like his life as a criminal.

Even at the start of the series Jesse’s attempts at hyper-masculinity come off as really goofy and performative. In episode one Krazy-8 mentions that Emilio thinks that Jesse might’ve ratted on him Jesse first has a much more genuine response of “that’s bullshit” which makes sense with his strong character trait of being loyal, but then he goes to say “I should kick his punk ass for even thinking that.” and it just sounds like fake bravado to me. There’s no way Jesse actually thinks he stands a chance against Emilio since Jesse has a body type that resembles a small bird and there's no way he has that little self awareness. He's just playing out a script that wasnt even well thought through, and while some of his other performances of masculinity don’t come across as that fake, there aren’t many that feel like they actually come from Jesse himself, they just feel like something that he just thinks he should do.

And while not every experience with men Jesse has is negative, there always seems to be some distance between him and the men he does have good relationships with. Jesse forms a parent-child type relationship with Mike that is healthier than any other he’s had up to that point other than probably his aunt, but there’s a part of Jesse that Mike never seems to fully get. When Jesse doesn’t want Lydia to be killed Mike says that 'this woman deserves to die as much as any man' and I think he misses that Jesse just still isn’t that keen on killing people even with everything he’s gotten involved with. Even if there are some acts of violence and even some people’s deaths he is fine with and thinks are justified, Jesse never fully adapts to “the job” the way Mike does, and Mike is just not quite able to understand that, or at least not why.

Jesse and his friends have a distance between them as well. Though they’re arguably not as entrenched in toxic masculinity as any of the other prominent men in the show are, and aren’t nearly as involved in the violence of dealing drugs despite being in the trade. Yet still Jesse’s interactions with them most of the time feel different and more withdrawn than their interactions with each other. Like Jesse really wants their presence and company and wants to fit in but there ends up being something that he can’t connect with alongside them, and this also gets more prominent as the show progresses. There’s parts where Jesse seems to be withholding how badly his “high rank” in the drug trade is affecting him when Pete and Badger seem to sort of idolize him for it and want in on it. I think Jesse sort of considers saying something to them about it, but he hesitates and doesn’t. He repeatedly doesn’t confide in them even though, while his friends do perform some facets of hyper-masculinity, they don’t really seem to target or reject vulnerability in the way most of the other men in Breaking Bad do. And Jesse’s distance from even the more harmless side of the male cast makes it feel like it’s not just the toxic masculinity that he’s disconnected from.

Jesse’s relationships with women even further separate him from the men of the show. His romantic relationships with Jane and Andrea read much more as relationships between equals, compared to Walt and Skyler or Hank and Marie. While Jesse does throw the “nice job wearing the pants in the family” insult at Walt in episode two of the first season, after Skyler almost caught him moving Emilio’s body, in Jesse’s own relationships he never actually tries to take control and doesn’t have any problem with Jane honestly being the person making more active choices for the both of them in their relationship, which Walt comments on by throwing that same “nice job wearing the pants” insult back at Jesse.

Another interesting thing found within Jesse’s relationship with Jane that ties them to specific gender roles happens after Jane doesn’t really introduce him to her father. Jesse asks about it and after a bit this Jane ends up saying “What am I supposed to say? Hey dad, meet the stoner guy who lives next door and by the way I’m sleeping with him?” and Jesse replies “Is that all you think you’re doing?”

It’s been pretty common for “the guy” to be considered as the one who sees a relationship as just being sex and “the girl” to see it as being romantic, and this is a very very dumb aspect of traditional western gender roles that this scene even has to subvert, but I think in the context of Breaking Bad’s dealings with gender roles the fact that Jesse is put in the role much more typically associated with women could be viewed as significant. And this significance can be extended to the show’s most prominent dynamic, dealing with the relationship between abusive men and women, Jesse is a victim. I’m not implying men can’t be victims of other men's abuse, but it does make Jesse easier to associate with women in the story, and while the narrative association comes from a negative place, the negativity is directed towards men. But the connection it forms between Jesse and women is a sense of camaraderie and even comfort, at least on Jesse’s side.

and with those connections with women I’d say the most accurate egg interpretation of Jesse is that she’s specifically transfeminine in some way.

I think in this analysis its important to specifically examine Jesse's journey with gender questioning as I think it follows the rest of the ups and downs in her learning more about herself in the resr of her character arc. My personal interpretation of Jesse is that she is a non medically transitioning nonbinary transfem person. The not medically transitioning bit is largely because I enjoy bringing attention to the existence of no-med no-op trans people and to push the point that not seeking medical transition doesnt make a person any less trans, though I do feel that since Jesse's relationship with gender is focused on the societal side of gender roles that don't really relate to physical form that it's a reasonable interpretation that she may not medically transition. I think she uses he/him and she/her pronouns, and is maybe a futch lesbian. I’m saying all of this because it'll be the lens through which I’ll be talking about Jesse’s journey with questioning his gender and how that progresses during the timeline of Breaking Bad. However I don’t claim this to be the only version of transfem Jesse that works with my analysis, or that it's necessarily better than any others that do work. I’ll also be mentioning concepts of “offscreen” additional scenes. That being said, if you’re someone who likes to stick 100% to the text given to us, the “offscreen” scenes aren’t exactly necessary for this interpretation to work as a part of the existing story as the general emotions behind them still stand.

I don’t picture Jesse as having any definable Gender (™) experiences when he was younger other than just a general sense of not belonging, though gender wouldn’t be the only thing playing into that. But as Jesse got older and struggled more, he started to purposefully play the part of what he saw as “a man” to survive in the only role that he thought he could. I see the thought “I wish I didn’t have to be a man” crossing his mind every so often though. I think he just deals with his place in the world for awhile, but after Walt enters the scene and Jesse experiences shit he really didn’t bargain for because of his old teacher, someone who is settling into a personification of toxic masculinity, Jesse’s frustration with being a man becomes more prominent and harder to ignore internally.

In my opinion Jane is the person that helped him start to solidify what exactly those thoughts were indicating. Her approach to relationships would be considered not traditionally cishet, and so is the way she presents herself in general, so I think Jane has some sort of knowledge about the complexities of gender, if she isn't actually queer herself in some way.

And she’s one of the only people we see Jesse truly, truly open up to and so I think at some point later in their relationship Jesse might actually say something about wishing she wasn’t a man around Jane, and I can see Jane saying that Jesse doesn't have to be a man if she doesn't want to be.

But then Jane dies, and I think as a result of that and the lesson Jesse learned from rehab “I’m the bad guy” he goes into just total repression mode. Embodying this new belief Jesse very much dips into the hyper-masculine behavior of the drug trade, he is much more concerned with money beyond paying bills and having nice things, and he plans to do the one thing in the entire show that makes me truly angry at him because of this whole thing, attempting to sell drugs to the rehab group. I don’t think he would’ve ever thought of doing something like that before. He’s trying very hard to be something that’s even further from his actual nature than we’ve seen up until this point.

Part of Jesse’s grief over losing Jane, a person who he confided in probably more than anyone else at that point, was to just completely close up, even to himself. Forget all of those parts of himself that resisted the rougher aspects of the drug trade he was getting dragged into and definitely forget about wondering if he really is a man or not.

At least until meeting Andrea and Brock, which snaps him out of that “I’m the bad guy” mindset, but by that time I think just, too much starts to happen for Jesse to have much time to question her gender. I wouldn’t consider her to be as actively repressing any sort of “I wish I wasn’t a man” thoughts but the amount of turmoil and danger that she’s in, just really really doesn’t lend itself to that sort of gender introspection as much.

I’ve got some additional thoughts on Jesse’s journey with gender that are more headcanons than actual analysis of the show so I didn’t include them in the text above. But I still really wanted to share because I like them and think that they really add to the analysis, so here they are;

I mentioned that I don’t think that Jesse had any particularly notable moments that might’ve suggested that she was trans when she was younger other than feeling out of place, but maybe he did have some interest in playing with “girls stuff” and her parents discouraged it because as we know they’re the shitty type of people who value their child being “normal” at the price of that child’s happiness, but I can also see her being one of those kids who just didn’t even grasp the differences between boys and girls stuff for a longer time than others, or I can even see Jesse’s last connection to the "male" side of gender being from when she was a little boy, before he was aware of the concept of what being a man was, and that it would be expected of her.

But later, in his adulthood, after the idea and pressures of "manhood" became very present in his life, one of the more certain instances of gender questioning I picture Jesse having is at some point while hanging out with Badger, Pete and Combo, Jesse screws around and puts on a dress. And he's like “haha I look like such a queer don’t I?” but is internally thinking something more along the lines of “ I will die before I tell anyone how this makes me feel” (that being that it makes him feel happy).

And then, as we enter into the timeline of the show itself; when Jane first tells Jesse that he doesn’t have to be a man if he doesn’t want to, I don’t actually think that Jesse would be receptive of it at first. I think it’s more likely that he’d decide he suddenly doesn’t want to have this discussion anymore and change the subject. Jesse would still have the misconception that you need to medically transition or at least be required to fit some sort of ‘criteria’ to be trans, instead of just identifying as a different gender than your assigned sex, and I think that would play some role in his not wanting to talk about possibly being trans. And even more because, while he could opt out of telling anyone that he’s trans, Jesse’s in a world in general that isn’t trans-friendly, but the drug trade he’s in specifically is very lgbtq-phobic. Jesse himself is definitely gonna have some internalized transphobia, we’ve seen his homophobia, and I definitely read that as a result of his environment rather than actual hatred considering at Jesse’s true core he’s a pretty caring person. But there are definitely people in the drug trade who would be violently homophobic and transphobic, and Jesse would know that, and would probably perceive even realizing that he is trans to be a threat to his safety. But, later on, further into her relationship with Jane I think she’d open up, even if only to Jane.

And that’s what I like to focus on the most with this analysis, all of the happiness and freedom and healing that Jesse gets to feel detaching himself from manhood, something that honestly contributed so much to every part of his suffering. And god does this girl deserve some happiness.

Then when for the most part too much is going on for Jesse to consider whether or not he’s trans, I still sometimes think of a situation where Jesse might’ve suggested? Her gender questioning to Mike, and while I don’t think Mike’s personal reaction would be technically negative, I think he’d tell Jesse to ‘please not share that with anyone else kid’. Which would be discouraging to Jesse, and she’d quickly backtrack, some because of the reaction on its own but also because he really already knows that it’d be stupid to say anything to anyone else, but it’s not until Jesse’s really free from the drug trade that she can finally crack that egg. I really like to think about the comfort and relief Jesse would get to feel no longer having to try and be a man, cause she finally realizes that she isn’t one.

#breaking bad #jesse pinkman #jesse breaking bad #trans jesse pinkman #queer analysis #breaking bad analysis #brba #jesse brba #this is my girlfriend don't touch him #meat.txt #this is a shortened and edited bit of my video essay script #i just like.... HAD to update my inital text analysis while im working on figuring out how to successfully record my video #cause the old one is so jumbled and stufff #or it feels jumbled to me now at least

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caramelstarlight · 10 months

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Hi! I have a silly request to share.

It's about Al-Haitham and reader being former academic rivals. They were always at each other's throats. No matter what snarky comment one made the other always had a quick and witty remark. Oh? One got a 95 on their test? Well, too bad! The other got a 100 and will rub it in the other's face.

Literally all of Sumeru knew of their rivalry. But you know what they say: the more you bicker, the more you love. And eventually, the two would date in secret for the next couple of years before eventually getting engaged.

Needles to say, poor Kaveh, Cyno, and Tighnari were gobsmacked to see Al-Haitham linking arms with his biggest rival since his Akademiya days and introducing her as his fiancee.

I’m doing this again bc tumblr didn’t save my earlier draft 😭🤚

✅⭐️

anyways! Expect slower updates because school has started again for me. (Excluding this and the other one I have in my inbox.)

I haven’t been touching this because I was confused on how to grasp this.

But yay story. It’s below the cut (You have amurta because it’s the biggest and my favorite.)

Rivals to Lovers

Alhaitham x Female Reader (Can be read as G/N)

You walked into class carrying what you needed for the day. Today was a test taking one. Sadly it was the first class you were in that had the test. Others came through the door you watched as each person sat down. Waiting for the bell to ring.

When it did ring everyone was inside as the teacher welcomed everyone and showed a few confusing parts with a few hints on how to deal with them. Luckily you understood everything unlike some others.

You received your test and began. Skimming through each page to find similarities in questions. Using that method to easily do majority correctly. You focused on the other questions and used the tips the teacher had given the class.

Amurta was lucky to have such a kind teacher, giving everyone study time and tips to pass any tests and gives tutoring in lunch or recess period. Everyone would pass in her class.

You went to your next class, identifying differences between certain species. Being given multiple animals with similar ones. Such as Snow,Crimson and Desert foxes.

You figured out majority of the differences and finished early. Focusing on drawing a Crystalfly and a Avidya Leopard for the remaining time. The bell rang and you walked out. Seeing Tighnari with his friends beside Alhaitham.

Your mind thought of what happened to him. Is he stuck in the library like always? You’d ask yourself as you went towards the bunch. Joining in on the conversation they were maintaining.

Until Alhaitham showed up. You looked at him and Kaveh tried to act like he wasn’t there. Failing of course. “I betted that you wouldn’t get a better score than me.”

He stated as he looked at you. “Oh yeah? I bet I did better than you. Why don’t you tell me ur score?” You stated confidently and he said he got a 95. “How much were you betting?” “Only 20 dollars(idk how much mora that would be lol) Are you scared?”

“No because I got a perfect score of 100!” You said as the others tried to not laugh. Your rivalry with eachother was interesting. Showing your paper to him across the table and sticking your tongue out. “Anyways who did you bet it to?” “Cyno.” Everyone’s head turned to him and he was confused. “What?”

“Why cyno-?” Kaveh asked to Alhaitham. “Because he wanted to.” “I uhhh…” “Cyno you shouldn’t bet.” Tighnari scolded him as he nodded. “Anyways I will do better than you in our next class!” You said as you looked to Alhaitham. “Yeah sure.” He replied as he looked away and back to his book. Handing cyno the money.

He did better the next time and repeated what you did to him beside sticking out his tongue. Another fight between you two was about to happen. Which is usually the both of you just rambling about the other and trying to be louder than the other. Which didn’t happen. Thanks to Tighnari holding you back.

Multiple years passed and graduation comes. You two of course still bickered with one another and weren’t as competitive as you used to be when you were younger.

Now with the both of you dating secretly you have to keep up the act still. You both didn’t want others to find out that secret that was kept hidden.

You sticked out your tongue playfully at him as you linked arms. He smiled at you before he made you spin and let go. You dropped your scroll as he snickered at you.

Your yelling could be heard from a bit away. Gathering a lot of people’s attention but they were used to it. Everyone knew you bickered constantly. Trying to keep up the act as you made him drop his scroll. He looked at you with slight anger and ignored you.

When the time came you yeeted your hats in happiness. A few bits of celebration everywhere. All happy they were finished learning successfully in their chosen darshan.

He brought you on dates with gifts and you did the same but he did majority of them. Always booking the times that would be the most crowded or exclusive.

Both of yours and his parents approved of it. Letting you both to get engaged after a few years of getting together. You and him arranged a meet up with the others after not seeing them for 3 years.

“Hey guys long time no see!” You said as you waved to them at the meetup spot. Alhaitham linking his arm with you. They were in shock at the two of you. “You guys are dating-?” Tighnari asked as he looked at the arms. “Yeah. We’re engaged actua-“ “WHAT?” Cyno and Kaveh exclaimed as Tighnari covered his ears.”

“Yes indeed. She is my fiancé.” “Y/N your his fiancé-??” Kaveh asking you while you nodded. “You guys always bicker I’m surprised you both managed to do this.” Cyno mentioned as you all headed to the spot.

“She and I had a Rivals to Lovers I guess?” Alhaitham stated as you nodded slightly. Talking with the others on the way. “We’re going to the cafe to have lunch together! It’s on us.” You said as Alhaitham gave a thumbs up.

Arriving at the cafe and ordering, sitting down and chatting amongst everyone while waiting for the food and drinks to arrive. Enjoying the meal as you all listened to stories of what happened to eachother in those three years.

(Had no idea how to end this but I hope you enjoy)

#genshin impact #sumeru #genshin impact x reader #dendro #tighnari #Cyno #Kaveh #genshin x reader #genshin alhaitham x reader #genshin alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham x fem!reader #alhaitham x female reader

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buttercupjosh · 7 months

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The Journey of Loving You

(Gif credit to @mattymartin)

Word count: 4,376

Genres: strangers to lovers, fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: I've had pieces of details of this fic in mind for a few months and I had a difficult time figuring out who to write it with so I ended up choosing to give Josty another fic. It is not intended to be a sequel to star-crossed (which you still read and check out and if you want this to be a sequel to that, you can interpret it that way). It did take me awhile to get this fic done because I decided to write other stories before completing this one. This story is based off of the songs “Not a Bad Thing” and “Mirrors”, both by Justin Timberlake and the title is something I came up with. It did take me awhile to get this fic done because I decided to write other stories before completing this one. I also have a bunch of other songs linked throughout the story and I highly recommend listening to them when you come across them during reading. It’s not set at a specific moment in time (It's taking place in a fictional future but you could also say that it's set in the future and this season. However, the season is still ongoing at the moment and anything can happen or change so don't hold me to what occurs in the fic and if things do change (ex. Tyson goes to another team), I'm not going to update this fic to reflect that). It’s written with a female reader in mind because I’m a female of color but the reader doesn’t specifically have to be a POC or a woman and there’s little dialogue. As always, I’m open to any and all feedback, comments or questions; just put them in my inbox or dm me. Thank you so much in advance for reading, I appreciate it😌

(P.S. I have other stories (linked here) that I have written for other players as well if you want to check it out)

“I want it all with you and if I'm coming on too strong, it's 'cause I've waited far too long for someone just like you” -“Share Your Address” by Ben Platt

In your role as the social media manager for the Buffalo Bills, you got to interact and meet with many different types of people. You would have never imagined that something as simple as doing your job would lead you to meet the love of your life. During the Bills season, some of the Buffalo Sabres players had come by to watch a game and you were responsible for capturing their experience at the game. Through mutual connections in the industry, you knew the social media manager for the Sabres but you only watched hockey occasionally. Before the game started, the guys were given a tour of Highmark Stadium and you were trailing around as the guys made their way around your workplace. Throughout their time there, you had noticed that a particular curly-haired hockey forward named Tyson Jost kept being close to you; as one of the few single guys left on the team, his teammates were shifting around and nudging him to talk to you. Tyson walked at a much slower pace to keep up with you instead of with the guys. He asked you a lot of questions and it was a bit odd to you that Tyson was more interested in paying attention to you than the football stadium tour was occurring. Tyson seemed curious about you, which you thought was cute, but you couldn’t quite be as flirty with him on the clock. The tour was only for an hour and concluded at the sidelines before the game officially started. You still had a lot of work to do since it was gameday so before going back to your office to review the content you acquired and what the team photographers captured, you discreetly exchanged numbers with Tyson to talk to him later on. During half-time, you checked your phone quickly and saw a text from Tyson that read “Thanks for answering all of my questions back there, I appreciate it. Can I ask you some more over coffee sometime?”. You were slightly taken aback by him asking you out so soon but you weren’t going to let that opportunity slip away so you agreed to go out with Tyson.

On your first official date, Tyson forgot to bring flowers because he was nervous. You didn’t mind that he forgot and understood his nervousness. Over drinks and pastries from Five Points Bakery, Tyson asked you a lot of questions because he was so enamored by you and you got to ask him a lot of questions in return: you even made each other laugh a few times. The conversation flowed so easily and effortlessly from topic to topic. As you chatted, for some reason, it felt like you had known each other for so much longer. The time that you spent together went by so fast that you ended up closing the bakery. Neither you nor Tyson wanted the date to be over so you ended up strolling around the leaf-riddled streets of Buffalo, making a stop for some additional fun at Lock and Key Escape Room and popping into Mythos for a last-minute dinner date. After dinner concluded, you mutually agreed to call it a night. You learned a lot about each other in the hours that you spent together that day. By the time the date officially ended, all Tyson had wanted was to see you again the following day and whatever days he could after that; you felt the same way. He walked you to your car and before going your separate ways, you shared a long goodbye embrace; a kiss would be saved for the next date. Speaking of which, on your next date, Tyson brought you flowers for the first time, and for the rest of your relationship, he would never forget to get them for you ever again.

With the both of you working in sports, your schedule was never really consistent but despite that, you and Tyson still kept in constant contact and made time for each other whenever you could. You would go to some of Tyson’s games and some team events and Tyson would always hype you up on Bills gamedays. You even surprised Tyson once at an away game; the Bills had a bye week so you flew out to Boston to cheer him on. Whenever your schedules aligned in Buffalo, you and Tyson would go out on different dates around the city and suburbs; these dates were always guaranteed to be an enjoyable time and all of those dates eventually turned into a deeply committed romantic relationship.

Being loved by Tyson and loving him was like your dreams coming true; your relationship worked well because you admired each other so much and neither of you could imagine being with anyone else. You were both used to people making promises to you and turning around and breaking them, used to giving your heart to others and they just cut you and leave you bleeding all over the place. However, this relationship was different and all you had to do was try; this time, trying paid off well because being together made those realities not true anymore. The relationship you shared was determined to heal you both from those who had hurt you in the past and you both felt safe with each other. You were worth the challenge of mending together a broken and tender heart for Tyson; his heart was ignited for you and he would do everything in his power to continue to pursue you and you only. Your relationship also had no moments of wasted time or any broken promises and you were always honest to each other. You both had waited so long through dating around and heartbreak for the right person to come along into each other’s lives but the wait was worth it because you ended up together. Falling in love wasn’t a bad thing at all; as expected, it was scary to give your heart to someone else but like a rollercoaster, it was also thrilling and exciting and you got to fall into the arms of someone amazing. Of course, things weren’t always sunny and there were some setbacks and struggles while you were dating. You and Tyson did disagree and argue sometimes but you could compromise when needed; you also had to balance your relationship with the demands of your job and Tyson constantly being either home or away but being with him was worth those challenges. Like anything in life, there would be a moment that would test how strong your relationship is.————————————————————One Saturday afternoon, you and Tyson decided to get ice cream after Tyson was healthy scratched from that afternoon’s game. Unfortunately, the person who served the ice cream used the same scooper that was used to scoop ice cream with nuts in it and you had an allergic reaction. Thankfully, you had an EpiPen in your bag and used it to help you. Your symptoms began to slowly subside but the instructions mentioned that you should visit the ER if used so Tyson took you. The ER doctor put you on an IV and decided to keep you overnight for observation. Tyson begged the doctor to let him stay in the room with you and they surprisingly agreed, even though you weren’t married and common law marriages weren’t a thing in New York. You were so grateful that Tyson stayed with you instead of leaving to go sleep in his comfy bed and just picking you up whenever you were discharged, not having to deal with the nurses and doctors coming in and out of the room throughout the night, interrupting whatever rest he got in that uncomfortable hospital chair. You were awake and observant for a while but you eventually drifted off to sleep. Tyson was tired but he couldn’t bring himself to sleep because he was so worried about you. As he saw you lying in the hospital bed, Tyson thought to himself that you should never have to go through any sort of health crisis alone. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to be there all the time but he would be there for you as much as he could. This whole experience opened up Tyson’s eyes to realizing that he wanted to share your address and move in together and also to be your emergency contact.

To say that Tyson was in love with you was a bit of an understatement; he was so smitten about you and everyone around him could pick up on that immediately. Tyson would see things that would remind him of you and his heart would swell with so much joy and the light in his eyes shined differently whenever he talked about you. Tyson truly and deeply loved you so much that he couldn’t lose you. His heart would beat so fast whenever you were around or if someone mentioned you and you were the one that he adored. To him, it felt like days would go wasted without you in them. He wanted a house with kids running around that shared both of your traits, to travel across the world, and grow old, all with you. In that moment, Tyson privately vowed to himself that he was going to marry you one day.

Months down the line, after waiting for your lease to be up and for the hockey season to be over, you and Tyson rented a house together. Living together meant that you got to see each other a little bit more frequently, which you both liked. You settled into a comfortable routine with Tyson and had mild complaints about your cute roommate; sharing a space wasn’t so bad. Tyson got to cook for you, serenade you on his ukulele, and slow dance in the kitchen with you as often as he could. You got to taste all of Tyson’s recipes, annoy him with your purposefully bad singing, and wake up next to him on the rare days you were off together. You and Tyson even began hosting a monthly trivia night at your home with your friends and some of Tyson’s teammates. Moving in together also meant that you were around to help Tyson whenever he was injured and always there to comfort him after a disappointing healthy scratch or game loss as well.

Combining your lives together meant that your families would mix at some point. Tyson’s mother, Laura, visited frequently and came down for the Sabres’ Moms’ Trip and stayed for a week afterward so you got to know her more and she got to know the person her son was so lovestruck about. You also got to meet his sister, Kacey, when his mother returned for Christmas and also brought Grandpa Jost along. You had a good relationship with Tyson’s family; they adored you and liked you with him. In regards to your family, your parents only came to Buffalo once in a while and you would go back to your hometown for holidays but your parents talked Tyson through video calls and knew how much he meant to you.

While you were still dating, your parents ended up contributing to a significant memory for Tyson and you weren’t even there. When the Dads and Mentors Trip came around, for some reason, Grandpa Jost couldn’t be there for his grandson so your dad flew out to Buffalo to accompany Tyson on the trip. This was going to be your father’s first time meeting Tyson in person and it was intimidating at first but that intimidation faded away as your dad and Tyson got to know each other. Tyson was so thankful that your dad took the time to be there for him. Before returning to Buffalo, Tyson had asked your father for your hand in marriage and your dad agreed to let his little ray of sunshine shine their light into someone else’s life. If there was anyone else in the world that he would walk his precious child down the aisle to, your father was glad that Tyson would be the guy on the other side.———��————————————————After getting your father’s approval, calling your mom to get her blessing, and telling both of your family and friends about it, it was time for Tyson to propose. Tyson arranged a fun scavenger hunt for you around Buffalo during the NFL off-season and at the end of the NHL regular season. This scavenger hunt was bittersweet because Tyson was going to be a free agent that upcoming off-season and there was no full guarantee he would return to play for the Sabres so you both prepared for the likely possibility that you would have to move away for Tyson to play with a different team. It was going to be hard to leave behind the place that you both called home and also your job but you would follow Tyson wherever he would go. Thankfully, you still had some time left to hang out with your friends and former co-workers before leaving for the off-season.

The scavenger hunt started with an index card on the fridge that read: “Good morning, my love. Look for the next clue inside our home on a masterpiece hanging above.” Tyson had gone golfing with his teammates for what could be the last time so these little notes were the only communication you had with him that day and you read all of the clue cards in his voice. You found the next note that read on top of a painting you made: “Remember when we went to that art class and you painted the most beautiful sunset? Go to the visitor’s desk at Buffalo AKG Art Museum to find out the rest.”

You headed to the Buffalo AKG Art Museum and the guide at the visitor’s desk handed you an envelope with a prepaid admission ticket inside; there was also a sticky note inside that read “Your reflection is a work of art. Go to the mirrors exhibit and see how your beauty captured my heart.” The heat rushed to your face as you read Tyson’s note; he wasn’t there but he still made your heart skip a beat through his words. You headed straight to the mirrors exhibit and took a bunch of cute photos while you were there. After the mirrors exhibit, you continued to look around the art museum and ran into Danielle Okoposo, Kyle Okoposo’s wife, while you were there. She mentioned that she was visiting the art museum because her kids were taking an art class there and told you to stay with her until the class was over because one of her kids had the next clue for you. You didn’t wait long for the kids to come out and all of the Okoposo children showed off to their mother and you what they had created in class. Livia, the youngest Okoposo daughter, gave you a personalized drawing of you and Tyson with a lot of hearts on it. Written in Livia’s youthful handwriting, the back of the drawing read: “As you can see, we are surrounded by lots of love, and no matter what happens, that will always be true. Head to Five Points Bakery for a snack pickup and your next clue.” You departed from Danielle and the Okposo children and headed to the spot where you and Tyson had your first date.

The bakery wasn’t as busy when you went to pick up your order; although Tyson had already placed the order for you, you still picked up a sweet treat for your sweetie as a reward for all of the things he’d done with this scavenger hunt. Your next clue card was inside the bag with your order that stated: “After my snack has had their snack, don’t be perplexed by my request for you to ask your parents for where to go next.” You followed Tyson’s instructions and your mom texted you: “Summer is approaching and we can’t wait to see you soon so go to the Botanical Garden where the flowers bloom.”

The Buffalo and Erie County Botanical Gardens was a special place to you and Tyson; it’s where you celebrated your first year of dating with a cute couples photoshoot and also had membership to the space. Your favorite part of the Botanical Gardens was the koi fish pond so of course, you would find your next clue taped to the back of the bench near where the pond was. “I know you’ve been out for hours but I have you running around for a reason. Now, go home, there’s something fun that we need to do before we go to Canada for the off-season.”, the clue card read.

You went back home; all of the nostalgia from visiting some of your favorite spots around Buffalo made you feel both happy and sad at the same time. Even though the scavenger hunt was a final trip for you to go to the places you enjoyed in Buffalo, you wished deep down that Tyson would have been there to experience them with you for one last time. Tyson still wasn’t back yet and his location indicated that he was at a restaurant near the golf course; you tried to call and text him throughout the day to check on him but he didn’t answer at all. You walked into your bedroom and saw a note on the closet door that read “You’re going to want to dress your best for this next part (as the kids say, make sure your look serves) and when you’re done, meet me at Tifft Nature Preserve.” The last part of the note confused you because the nature preserve would be closed by now but you showered, got ready, and went there anyway.

Inside the Tifft Nature Preserve Education Center was a trail of lights that led you to a projector with a Kahoot game, ready to be played. Tyson, looking handsome in a crisp polo and jeans, was surrounded by blankets and snacks. You hadn’t seen or heard much from him the whole day so it was nice to see the face of the man that you loved.

“Tyson, you did not ask me to dress up and drag me all this way to play trivia when we could do it at home or go to trivia night at the bar.”, you stated.

“This might be our last time playing our monthly trivia game in Buffalo so why not go all out?” Tyson responded.

Trivia was amusing as expected and you won the game so you asked Tyson what your prize was; your prize was Tyson was going to sing you a quick song on his ukulele. The notes sounded familiar to you and then you recognized what your lover was serenading you to.

“Cause I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me. The vacancy that sat in my heart is a space that now you hold. Show me how to fight for now and I'll tell you, baby, it was easy, comin' back here to you. Once I figured it out, you were right here all along. It's like you're my mirror, my mirror staring back at me. I couldn't get any bigger with anyone else beside of me. And now it's clear as this promise that we're making two reflections into one.” Tyson sang during the chorus of Mirrors by Justin Timberlake. The lyrics were right for describing your relationship with Tyson; you were separate individuals but your relationship intertwined you together and also allowed you to change for the better as people. Music was something that was important to both of you and Tyson had sung to you several times before, including love songs, so this wasn’t much of a surprise to you. After he concluded singing, Tyson handed you over one final clue card that simply read “Will you marry me?”.

Tears of joy began to fill your eyes and Tyson was down on one knee, holding out your dream ring. The sun was going to set soon so the golden hour sunset hue coming through the windows was a nice natural touch to the proposal. You had thought Tyson was going to propose on your planned trip to Banff that summer so this was definitely a huge surprise. You were both speechless because there just weren't enough words to describe the feeling of love that was flowing between the two of you at that moment. After over a year of dating, you were moving on to the next step of getting married and like the lyrics of the song said, merging your two reflections into one. After your engagement/farewell dinner with some of the Sabers players and their families, you and Tyson returned home and had an impromptu dance party in the living room with your new fiance to “Let’s Get Married” by Bleachers, “Slow Dance” by Saint Motel, and “Just The Two of Us” by Grover Washington Jr. featuring Bill Withers. Your time in Buffalo was coming to an end but it ended in the best way.————————————————————Just as you both suspected, the Sabres did not choose to offer Tyson a contract so he ended up signing on a short-term NHL contract elsewhere as a free agent and you moved away from Buffalo. Tyson was used to moving away and starting over more than you were but you both knew that home would always be wherever you were with those that you loved. The move and the wedding planning did add some additional stress to both of you but it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle. You both adjusted well to your new life in your new home city; you had good relationships with the other WAGs and their families and continued your career as a social media manager for a local sports team. Tyson meshed great with his teammates, got more ice time and his play improved. You and Tyson rented a house again and added a dog named Maverick to your little family.

The wedding planning time went by in such an exciting and enjoyable blur and before you both knew it, it was time to marry the love of your life. You and Tyson decided on a destination wedding at a Four Seasons Resort in Florida. Both of your families helped out with the wedding in the many different ways that they could and were delighted to unite together on behalf of your love. It was also nice that all of your friends and some of Tyson’s former teammates were there for your special day as well.

The details of your wedding day were so beautiful and perfect; your something new was a diamond necklace given to you by the Jost family, your something borrowed and something blue was a blue bracelet from your mom that she wore on her wedding day to your dad. You floated down the aisle with your father by your side to meet with your soon-to-be husband, waiting for you in his black tux. Tyson saw you, walking towards him, and he got a little emotional. Tyson’s parents’ relationship didn’t work out and he was terrified to face a similar doom in his life but being with you restored his faith in relationships and marriage. Seeing Tyson cry made you tear up too but everyone knew that those were happy tears. Even though there was an audience of other people in the room, it felt like you and Tyson were the only ones there. Your vows to each other were like the most poetic song lyrics and were sealed with a sweet kiss. You had dreamed of your wedding day for a while, unsure who would be the one to greet you at the altar but finally, you knew.

Your first dance as a married couple was to the Mariah Carey and Luther Vandross cover of Endless Love (originally performed by Diana Ross featuring Lionel Richie), which was considered one of the greatest duets of all time. Like the vocals in the song, you and Tyson debuting as a married couple to a duet made sense because you were complementary to each other and brought out each other’s strengths. The rest of your wedding was spectacular. You danced the night away to a variety of tracks from a carefully curated playlist, enjoyed delicious food, took plenty of photos, laughed, and happily cried a few more times too. You also both mixed and mingled with your guests and were swept into all different directions around the venue.

Towards the end of your wedding and before you walked out to say goodbye to all of your guests, Tyson pulled you away for a surprise private dance as newlyweds. You and Tyson would get plenty of time alone together on your honeymoon in Greece but the private dance without the pressure of any other eyes on you was much appreciated. You swayed back and forth with your husband to “All My Life” by K-Ci and Jojo, “You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain, and “This I Promise You” by *NSYNC, and sang along to all of them together. Just like the lyrics in the songs had said, “All my life, I’ve been waiting for someone like you” (“All My Life” by K-Ci and Jojo), “we’re still together, still going strong” (“You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain), and “and with this vow, forever has now begun” (This I Promise You” by *NSYNC), all that you had been waiting for, for so long was right in front of you and it was true that your forever love was just getting started. In a whisper, you asked to play a song and chose “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion as the final song for your private dance. The song served as a thank you to each other by summing up the journey of your relationship so far and how your love helped you both grow as people. Getting married allowed you to write a new chapter in your love story. You made it this far as a couple and there was so much to look forward to in your future together.

#tyson jost #tyson jost x reader #tyson jost imagine #tyson jost fic #buffalo sabres #hockey fic #my writing #hockey writing #please read my story

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cadmusfly · 4 months

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Analysing the Quality of Napoleon's Marshals With Silly Data Science

Let's talk numbers and laugh at funny graphs with missing data!

Other people in this fandom do really lovely detailed information posts, I do weird fanfic, dragon shitposting, body pillow design shitposting and run a stupid Lannes ask rp blog. But! I'm also a programmer with an interest in Numbers, and today we're going to Analyse These Dead Frenchmen with a bunch of screenshots of graphs.

Ethan Arsht published a really interesting article called Napoleon was the Best General Ever, and the Math Proves it., where using data scraped off Wikipedia articles, he creates a statistical model drawing from multiple variables per battle to calculate How Good A General Is At Winning.

Give the article a read, it's great stuff, but if you don't feel like it, he basically applies WAR - "Wins Above Replacement" - which is a value from baseball that measures how many wins a player is worth when compared to a replacement.

So the general's WAR would be how well they compare to a completely average general who replaced them. Yes, as Arsht says, "in other words, I would find the generals’ WAR, in war."

But as he says, this is not a stringent historical analysis and is more of a fun thought experiment. Wikipedia is probably the most comprehensive dataset on this topic that he had access to, but it is Wikipedia the crowdsourced online encyclopedia, so it is going to have holes and inaccuracies. And this was written seven years ago, and the data was collected then, so any updates to these articles since then wouldn't be reflected.

And it's not a perfect model that takes into account everything - it's an approximation, a whole bunch of number crunching. I haven't looked too deeply into how the numbers work exactly, even though I could.

I think that 0 would be "completely and utterly average"? A positive WAR is good, a negative WAR is not. Napoleon is the best general ever at 16.679 WAR, the next highest is Caesar at 7.445 WAR.

(Link, you can hover over each battle and look at each datapoint!)

But I'm interested in Napoleon's marshals. The 26 men he raised up to military nobility! The dramatic assholes who kept arguing with each other. I'll post links for all of them at the end of this, but I won't be screenshotting each of their WAR graphs, just a few.

I'm not entirely sure how the scraper collected the information about what battles a commander is considered in "charge" of - I tried looking at the provided code repository but I am reminded that data science people bless them are not really good at structuring or publishing code and why are all the html pages just straight up saved in the root folder why are the jupyter notebook outputs just uncleared aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Oh yeah this was scraped from seven years ago so current wikipedia pages won't be reflective of what's on the graphs - so we can assume that this is just grabbing stuff from the "Commanders and leaders" part from each individual battle page and collating them into numbers

Anyway let's look at the iron man himself, Davout, considered to be the best of Napoleon's marshals.

(Link)

Heh, here we see the first hole in the dataset - Jena-Auerstedt is considered to be one battle, and Napoleon would like you to think that's the case.

Anyway, pretty good! Let's look at Jean Lannes, the lively Gascon

(Link)

Oooooh, even better than Davout! Helps he didn't go to Russia. Wait, why is Aspern-Essling dated to before Ratisbon, especially when Lannes died in the former?

Let's look at André Masséna, also known as being pretty cool:

(Link)

Damn, neat, though I think there's a lot of omissions here.

Here's Murat:

(Link)

Lol Tolentino, I do like how Murat Peaked there a little bit

But we're forgetting a certain redhead, aren't we?

(Link)

Ouch. But also Waterloo not appearing there, hmmm.

Anyway let's finish off the screenshots with Napoleon's greatest strategist, Jean-de-Dieu Soult, the man that Wellington called a master of the defensive!

(Link)

honestly this is the entire reason why i wanted to write this post

in soult's defense - as a soult defender - he had a pretty shitty army full of conscripts, was isolated, was occasionally pretty bad at adapting tactically to new surprises and had to deal with the english being stubborn fuckers, but he was brilliant in setting things up strategically and forcing the english to catch up through a fighting retreat with a demoralised army, stopping them from closing in on france too

but also the way this graph bullies soult so hard makes me laugh a lot

Anyway, yeah, these graphs are definitely inaccurate and I'm also posting these to see the Napoleonic community on tumblr's reaction to them, but they are a fun way to engage with history!

Just don't take them seriously, and feel free to argue in the tags/comments/reblogs

I could theoretically use this guy's code to rerun this just for the Marshals now - I know my way around some data science code - but I do have a lot on my plate, but it would be a fun experiment!

Marshal WAR Graph Links

Note: So these are under the Wikipedia article names at the time that the web scraper was run seven years ago so some of these names turned out to be different from what they are now and I had to do a bit of digging to fix some

you can definitely tell that the information is incomplete on a lot of these, again i repeat the information was scraped off wikipedia seven years ago

Louis-Nicolas Davout

Jean Lannes

Joachim Murat

Michel Ney

André Masséna

Jean-de-Dieu Soult

Bon-Adrien Jeannot de Moncey (one battle lol)

Jean-Baptiste Jourdan

Charles-Pierre Augereau

Jean-Baptiste Bernadotte aka Charles XIV John of Sweden (Two battles and only Swedish ones I think)

Guillaume Brune

Édouard Mortier (two battles)

Jean-Baptiste Bessières (two battles)

François Christophe de Kellermann (one battle, Valmy)

François Joseph Lefebvre (two battles)

Charles-Victor Perrin (ouch)

Étienne Macdonald

Nicolas Oudinot (lol)

Auguste de Marmont (loll)

Laurent de Gouvion Saint-Cyr

Józef Poniatowski (three battles but hmm. pretty bad but feel like there's too much missing info here)

Emmanuel de Grouchy (two battles, can't make a Where's Grouchy joke)

Marshals Without Graphs Not because they didn't command anything but I couldn't find their graphs on the website or in the code repo

Catherine-Dominique de Pérignon

Jean-Mathieu-Philibert Sérurier

Louis-Gabriel Suchet (wtf? maybe seven years ago the documentation on him was sad)

EDIT: wait i was looking at the notebook (the uh place where the code was being run, to see if i could run the code myself)

soult is one of the lowest ranked generals overall on this initial list pfftHAHAHhahahahahahahaha

#napoleon's marshals #napoleonic era #napoleonic wars #napoleonic shitpost #cadmus rambles #cad rambles about dead frenchmen on main #jean lannes #louis-nicolas davout #joachim murat #michel ney #andre massena #im not tagging all of them #jean-de-dieu soult

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oswaldsleftbicep · 3 months

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Hi!

I just saw that you have 0 requests, so imma give you one:)

How do you think would the boys insta profiles look like? Like their posts oder their stories..

You can show it with pictures like you did at that other request.. if it is easier for you;) Greetings

the boys and their insta profiles!

the way i ran to pinterest as soon as i read this ask-

i decided to go with instagram since that's the social platform i use most, also i have officially decided that the brothers' last name is morningstar lol

all images found on pinterest!

genre: other

cw: mature themes in ricardo's, language

❧ he's basically a social media influencer

❧ he posts about the places he travels to and the shenanigans he gets up to with his friends

❧ on his stories he'll post his friends' content, little updates, and any memes he finds funny

❧ he'll also boost any social movements/local efforts, uses his platform for good

❧ wanted to make a dark academia aesthetic page but that was too much effort

❧ also thought about doing a book review page, but that was also too much work

❧ ended up getting a lot of attention from lucia's fans who comment on his posts thinking it'll get lucia's attention?? so levy has the word "lucia" banned from his comments lmao

❧ his stories are full of historical content, and he absolutely follows a "this day in history" type page

❧ most people think his page is some sort of arg, cryptic mystery

❧ his followers have tried to reverse image search his post, thinking it's ai or from a video game, but it's completely original and taken by mefy

❧ where is this place? why did he take it? why does the caption only say "time is running out"? why is he verified??

❧ added to the mystery is the fact that the year on the post is years before instagram was launched mefy hacked the app to do that, he just likes fucking with people

❧ had kurt help him set up his account lol

❧ all of his captions are complete sentences, it's very old man of him

❧ posts mainly about nature and his garden, and he'll show off anything that kurt makes him

❧ on his story he'll post inspirational quotes

❧ only has this account to keep an eye on lucia and kurt

❧ he also follows levy, mefy, and oswald

❧ mefy doesn't follow him back

❧ doesn't intend to post anything ever, he just doesn't see the point

❧ goes live a lot to do readings and horoscopes once a week

❧ keeps his regular posts to a minimum, but posts a lot on his story about space, nature, and astrology

❧ lowkey the only reason why he's got so many followers is because lucia beefs about him a lot on his page

❧ now there's a whole team lucia vs team mikael feud going on in their mini fandom

❧ lemme hear you say thirst traps!!

❧ the only reason he's so famous is because he's hot and an asshole

❧ every now and then he'll post his gun and if it gets taken down within a week, he'll let a random follower choose his next tattoo

❧ he's technically also a social media influencer, but for all the wrong reasons

❧ the link in his bio leads to his other socials, paypal/venmo, and an only fans

❧ ricardo lowkey talked him into getting an account so he can cyberbully him

❧ doesn't know what he's doing; looked up "profile pictures" and picked the first one he found amusing

❧ same thing with his singular post, and the caption is simply "this is funny"

❧ his followers are mikael, ricardo, oswald, and lucas, whom he follows all back as well as a cat meme page

❧ another influencer who got famous for his pretty boy aesthetic and howl pendragon vibes

❧ none of his followers know his location, and they cannot for the life of them figure it out; it's similar to mefy's page where all his posts are completely original, but nobody knows where they were taken

❧ also uses his platform for good, and the link in his bio leads to a bunch of activism resources and articles

❧ this is his main page, just a bunch of middle school shenanigans

❧ has a spam account that's really popular at his school; it's basically a school meme page with regular memes sprinkled in

❧ he also secretly runs his school's shoot your shot page

❧ complaints about his job on his story but always forgets that kaim follows him lmao

#my. hcs #nightmare harem #nightmare harem hcs #nightmare harem lucia #nightmare harem levy #nightmare harem mefy #nightmare harem oswald #nightmare harem kaim #nightmare harem mikael #nightmare harem ricardo #nightmare harem noel #nightmare harem lucas #nightmare harem kurt #otome games

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allmoshnobrain · 7 months

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𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 21 of ? | masterpost

word count: 4066 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

I blinked, seriously caught off guard. That was too much to take in at once. First thing slamming me was anger—what did she mean by her and my dad being here to pamper me? Weren't they the ones who kicked me out? Cut off all ties? And now, they popped back into my life, not because they missed me or anything, but to wheel and deal for the family name and business—that was their concern. Concern that grandpa's "empire" wouldn't last with me at the wheel. Concern that I wouldn't know the ropes when the time came.

✦ summary: Nore's sense of normalcy unravels as her parents resurface, offering support for her dreams—with strings attached.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, complicated/kinda abusive family dynamics

✦ a/n: Hello! This part was a bit longer, and focused more on Nore's relationship with her family. I hope it helped understand her character a little bit better! I haven't included all the "lore" regarding her parents in the chapter directly but I recently made a post here explaining it a bit for anyone who's curious! I haven't been able to write a lot because I had some power/internet outage problems at home, but now that everything's back to normal I hope I can update more quickly! And we'll have some more James x Nore interactions on the next part :) Hope you liked reading, feedback is welcome!

✧ nobody's daughter, she never was, she never will / be beholden to anyone she cannot kill ✧

The next few weeks weren’t exactly easy.

Dave and I usually kept our relationship light; we rarely argued, and if we did, we patched things up quick. We got each other too well and just couldn't stand being apart for too long. We were young. We were in love. At that time, no issue seemed big enough to mess with that.

But this time, it was different . It's not like Dave was giving me the cold shoulder, but I could tell he was still feeling the sting from everything that had happened with the album and his songs. He started isolating himself more and more, hanging out at David's place for long stretches, diving into his new band. When I tried talking to him about what was going on, he'd just smile and steer the conversation elsewhere. It was like all that easy, spontaneous intimacy we had from the beginning was vanishing, slipping through my fingers like water.

And it freaked me out.

Being away from my cousin and my friends didn't make things any easier. I knew they had my back, but it's not like I could spill my guts to them over the phone about Dave. Since I'd left home, I'd felt sad and angry a bunch of times, but by September, I was more down than I had been since I first moved in with Cliff. Still, I held onto the hope that things would get back to normal soon.

Little did I know what the end of the year had in store for me.

It kicked off with a surprise phone call one evening. It was nighttime, and Dave and I were catching a break, chilling and watching some random movie on TV while sharing a cigarette and a beer when the phone decided to ring.

"I'll grab it," I said, jumping up from the bed. Dave gave a nod, his brow furrowing as he focused on rolling another joint for us to share. I rushed to the living room, picking up the phone. "Hello."

"Ellie?" a voice I knew too well replied, making my heart race and my jaw drop in surprise. "Is it really you?"

"Dad?" I blurted out in shock. In the whirlwind of my new life, getting a call from my father after nine months of radio silence was probably the last thing I expected.

"Hey, Ellie! So, this number is really yours. How've you been?"

"I... I'm okay, but... Dad, what's going on?" The words tumbled out, confusion turning into genuine concern. If he was calling out of the blue, something serious must have been up, right? I couldn't think of any other reason.

"Can't a dad check in on his daughter?" He said it casually, like it was no big deal. I furrowed my brow, annoyance quickly replacing my concern.

"You haven't said a word to me in months," I shot back, my voice shaking a bit, my eyes threatening to fill with tears as a whirlwind of emotions churned in my chest — first of all, anger. But then hurt. Confusion. And pain.

I glanced up at the sound of footsteps, spotting Dave leaning against the bedroom door frame with a lit joint in his hand. He gave me a questioning look, his concerned brown eyes checking out my state. I sighed, motioning for him to hold on. He came over, wrapping an arm around my waist and planting a gentle kiss on my shoulder, which managed to coax a small smile from me.

"So, Ellie, your mom and I..." my father hesitated on the phone, sounding a bit unsure of himself. "We were thinking that maybe we've been too hard on you. We just got back from London..."

"You went to visit grandma?" I snapped, my anger surfacing in the way my voice cranked up. "That's what this call is about, huh? I'm guessing she wasn't thrilled to discover you kicked me out. Bet she and grandpa gave you a reality check!"

"We went to celebrate your mom's birthday. And yes, we saw your grandparents," my father went on, his tone getting a bit sterner. "We were just thinking... It would be nice if you and your boyfriend could join us for dinner sometime. You know, your mom misses you..."

"Oh, bullshit."

"She does. Eleanore, it was her idea to send you that motorcycle as a gift. She thought it might lift your spirits a bit. Maybe you'd swing by..."

"She's always pulling that stunt!" I grumbled, annoyed, cheeks warming with irritation. "I can't be expected to read her mind. And for the record, I didn't ask for whatever gift she sent my way!"

"I get it. Ellie, I get it," my father reassured, clearly trying to ease my frustration. "Look, I think she regrets laying it on you like that. Especially after talking to your grandma... She just wants to fix things."

"Then why didn't she just call me herself?"

"You know how your mom is. She thought maybe you'd be more open to hearing me out. And, hey, it's not like I don't miss you too," he said, explaining. I took a deep breath, still annoyed but conceding that my father had a point. I could have a conversation with him, but if it were my mom on the line, I might've just hung up. "Ellie, she's trying, alright? It's more effort than she usually puts in. Give her a chance..."

"She didn't give me any chances. Why should I be the one handing them out?" I questioned, my voice now getting choked up as my anger gave way to the underlying hurt I was feeling. My father sighed, seeming uncertain about what to say.

"You can come next weekend if you want," he finally replied, straight-up ignoring my question and making me groan in frustration. "I'll ask Marcy to whip up that pumpkin pie you like, what do you think? Mull it over, alright?"

Then, he hung up, leaving me with a heavy heart and an anguish that had been haunting me for months but that I just didn't want to face. I slammed the phone back on the hook, maybe a tad harder than I should have.

"Hey. What was that?" Dave asked, leaning his chin on my shoulder and pulling me closer, his arms around my waist. I sighed. "Was it your dad on the phone?"

"Yeah," I murmured, my voice trembling a bit. He nuzzled into my neck, planting a soft kiss on my smooth skin, his lips moving up to my cheek for another kiss.

"Babe, you know you can talk to me if you need to," he whispered. I sighed, pulling away a little to meet his gaze, a mix of concern and seriousness in his eyes. I managed a faint smile, the hurt in my chest blending with the happiness of having, even if just for a moment, the old intimacy between us. "What happened? What did he say to you?"

"I just... I hate this!" I finally let it out, a tear rolling down the corner of my eye and making its way to my cheek. Dave cupped my face in his hands, wiping it away with the tip of his thumb. "My family’s always doing this. They act like the stuff they do to me, the way they treat me, doesn't matter. Like it doesn't hurt me! It's messed up."

Dave sighed, pulling me closer in a comforting hug. I knew he didn't have all the words, but I could feel him trying to ease my pain. I sniffled, a few more tears streaming down my cheek as I buried my face in his chest.

"My dad invited us for dinner... Both of us, him and my mom," I laughed bitterly. "It's funny, isn't it? They kick me out of the house, and then they think they can invite me to dinner, like everything's normal. Like nothing happened."

"And do you want to go?" he asked, softly, his hand soothingly stroking my back. I shook my head with a sigh.

"I... I don't know. I think that's the worst part," I admitted, pulling away and meeting his gaze. "I'm so angry, but I still miss them. I think that's what hurts the most."

"That you can't help but love them, even though some of the things they do hurt you?" he murmured, and I felt my heart tighten at the bitterness in his voice. "Maybe you should go, Nore. Maybe it's a good chance for you to patch things up with them."

"I don't know if I want to do that," I whispered, and he gave a slight smile.

"Yeah, I get it. Come here," he pulled me close again, his lips meeting mine with an unexpected hunger that sent warmth through my body. I clung onto his arms tightly, my nails leaving small crescent marks on his fair skin, while his lips moved down to my neck, kissing a spot that Dave knew would make me sigh and shiver, forgetting, even if just for a moment, anything but his body against mine. He pulled away, his familiar crooked smile on his lips making my heart race as he lifted my chin with his hand. "You can think about it later... How about coming back to bed with me?"

The car screeched to a stop in front of the big light-yellow house. I sighed, feeling more jittery than I'd like, despite the chill evening and the sun setting, casting warm hues all over the landscape. I knew my decision to visit my parents in Long Beach with Dave's car was a bit of a rebellious move against their expectations, and I hated it. They probably anticipated me rolling up on the motorcycle they gifted me. Instead, there I was, with my boyfriend and his car — two things that could potentially give my mom a nervous breakdown.

Dave raised his eyebrows, whistling softly as he checked out my parents' garden.

"You fancy-ass kid. So, this is where you used to live?" He chuckled and playfully nudged my arm, but I could tell he was a bit surprised. He seemed to catch quickly onto my nervousness; his eyes instantly turned serious when he saw my expression. "Hey," he said, his hand gently holding mine. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to. Okay?"

I nodded. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure why I agreed to visit my parents or let Dave come along and meet them. Maybe, despite all the drama and hurt, there was still a part of me that missed them. Perhaps deep down, I hoped they'd be proud of me — for standing on my own all this time, for finding someone who cared about me and loved me. For not turning out to be the failure they expected when they kicked me out, assuming I'd come running back at the first sign of trouble.

But deep down, I knew that wasn't happening.

"It's okay," I squeezed Dave's hand, attempting a confident smile. "We're already here, right? Let's do this."

Dave and I stepped out of the car, strolling across the well-kept garden until we reached the front door.I paused for a moment before ringing the doorbell. Then, the door swung open, and my dad appeared, beaming when he saw me, the blue eyes I got from him shining.

"Ellie!" he exclaimed, pulling me into a hug. I blinked, a bit confused, but returned the embrace. He pulled back with a smile, seeming only then to notice that Dave was by my side. "Oh. You must be David?"

"You can call me Dave, sir," Dave smiled, shaking my dad's hand, but I could see he was a bit nervous.

"Pleasure to meet you, Dave. I’m George." my dad smiled, a bit more serious than before. "You've arrived just in time! Marcy is almost done preparing dinner. Let's go inside."

Dad walked in first, and I followed suit. Dave strolled by my side, holding my hand gently. He leaned in, whispering in my ear:

"Ellie? So, is that what your parents call you?"

"Just my dad. And I hate that nickname," I murmured, and he laughed.

As we strolled into the house, Dave scoped the place with raised eyebrows. The living room was cozy and rustic, sofas, armchairs, and rugs thrown together just right. In the corner, a shelf showed off my dad's vinyl collection. From there, you could head to the dining room through the side door or hit the garden through the glass door at the back. Upstairs, you'd find my parents' bedrooms, my old room, and the library where my parents spent most of their time when they were home.

"Ellie, why don't you give Dave a tour of the library? I'll summon your mom for dinner; she was introducing the new gardener to the plants," he said, jokingly.

"Oh... Sure," I mumbled. After being away for so long, everything felt way larger and unfamiliar than it should — especially after bouncing around from the little room I shared with Cliff to Leanne's house and then my cozy spot with Dave. I watched my dad head out the back door. Dave linked his fingers with mine, sensing my nerves, and stroked the palm of my hand in soothing circular motions with his thumb. I raised my gaze and met his brown eyes, locked onto my face. "So, wanna check out the library?"

"Actually, I had my eye on something else," he grinned slightly, and I blinked, intrigued. "Your room," he clarified, a mischievous smile playing on his lips. "I want to see how you lived, you know? Before I showed up and changed your life forever."

I chuckled, rolling my eyes before tugging him along by his hand, leading the way to the stairs. We climbed up to the first floor, strolling through the lengthy corridor, passing several doors before hitting the last one right at the end. I twisted the knob, relieved to find that the door wasn't locked.

I sighed as I swung the door open, taking in the sight of my old room. The room was spotlessly clean and organized, meaning that my parents at least kept the place tidy. Next to the window, my bed was neatly made with the same sheets I'd left in a mess before heading to San Francisco. Above the headboard, posters of bands and movies adorned the wall. The door in the corner was open, showing my private bathroom.

Below the window, my study desk, with drawing and painting materials meticulously arranged. In the corner, a shelf with my books, records, and tapes, plus a TV and stereo. It stung a bit to look at it, to reminisce about all the time spent there; everything was the same, but I didn't feel anything like the girl who once called it home.

Dave seemed to understand the contemplation in my silence; he rested his chin on my shoulder, giving me a tight hug from behind before planting a kiss on my cheek.

"Nice room you got here," he remarked, and I laughed, a bit shakily, realizing tears were welling up in my eyes. Despite that, it felt good not to be alone. To have him there with me.

We quickly stepped apart when we heard a knock on the door. I turned around and found Alice, my mom's assistant, eyeing us with her serious gaze, her curly blonde hair pulled into a ponytail so tight it made me uncomfortable just to look at it. Of course, she would be here, I thought with a twinge of annoyance. She smiled, a cold and almost robotic smile.

"Welcome back, miss. Your mother is waiting for you in the dining room," she said, then turned and left, seemingly not even acknowledging Dave's presence.

I sighed, annoyed, feeling the anxiety in my chest rise in a wave of panic that subsided as soon as I felt Dave's fingers intertwining with mine again. He smiled at me reassuringly.

"Let's go," he murmured. "I guess it's time for me to meet your mom."

I stepped into the dining room hesitantly. It was funny how being near my mom always kind of intimidated me; she was everything I'd never been able to be, everything they expected me to be. I bit my lip as I spotted her, and she turned in our direction.

My mother was probably the most beautiful woman I'd ever known, tall and statuesque like a model, with long, wavy black hair that reached her waist, a slim and charming face, and serious dark brown eyes. I was nothing like her — much more like my dad, shorter with brown hair, blue eyes, and a much less glamorous body.

"Eleanore," she murmured, with that familiar distinct accent blending Scottish and French. She walked toward me, holding my face in her hands, a faint hint of affection gleaming in her eyes before being replaced by disapproval. "Oh, God, what happened to your hair? Did you cut it yourself?"

"Leave the girl alone, Clémence," my dad spoke, sitting in one of the armchairs in the corner of the room, casually reading the day’s newspaper. He looked up, adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose. "She's old enough to know how to take care of herself."

My mom pursed her lips slightly, then let go of my face. She shifted her attention to Dave.

"You must be David," she spoke resolutely. I could see the disapproval in her eyes shifting from me to him, like he was a pet she didn't really like but had to put up with. If Dave caught onto that, he hid it well. For the first time since we had met, he was completely serious, which probably meant he was a bit on edge. "Well, come along. Dinner is ready. We were waiting for you."

We sat down for dinner, and my nerves were all over the place. I could hardly taste the food, and it seemed like Dave was in the same boat. I reached under the table, giving his knee a reassuring caress. He shot me a smile.

"So, Dave... You're one of Cliff's friends, huh?" my dad asked.

I noticed Dave's jaw tense a bit, but he managed a polite smile.

"Yep, we used to share a place. That's how I got to know Nore."

"And what do you do? Are you a musician too? You know, I have a pretty large vinyl collection here at home. Love music. Always wished I had the time to pick up the drums," my dad kept the conversation rolling with a grin, and I could see some of the tension in Dave fading away.

They chatted about music for the rest of the dinner, and slowly, I started to ease up. Mom stayed pretty quiet, her eyes bouncing between me and Dave like she was trying to figure us out. But Dad seemed genuinely interested in getting to know my boyfriend better. By the time dessert was served, I almost felt like we were a normal family again.

When we finished eating, we cruised back to the living room. Dad and Dave went straight to the vinyl collection, and Dad put on a Led Zeppelin album, the music filling the living room softly. That's when Mom got up, giving my arm a light touch.

"Come with me, Eleanore," she said in a low voice before heading to the garden. I hesitated, glancing at my dad and Dave, still deep in their conversation, then decided to trail after her.

We wandered through the backyard garden, the flower beds and trees soaking up the gentle glow from the property's lamps. Mom sparked a cigarette with a sigh, and we drifted in silence until we hit the pool area. She eased into one of the lounge chairs under the covered spot before looking at me.

"Take a seat," she motioned to the chair right across from hers.

"I'll pass," I muttered, and she raised an eyebrow.

"Why do you always have to complicate things?" she asked, and a surge of anger bubbled in my chest. Classic mom move: the woman who couldn't go an hour without emphasizing how I was a screw-up.

"Does Dad know you picked up smoking again?" I asked, a bit acidly. She looked up at me, a small, cold smile playing on her face. I knew my mom; she could front like she was flawless, but she had her flaws, just like I did. At least I owned up to mine.

"I smoke when I need to focus.You know how insane the end of the year gets at your grandfather's company," she shot back, sidestepping my question. "Or you would know if you cared about the family business instead of living in your love fantasy."

"My relationship is not a fantasy," I frowned, and she scoffed.

"If you say so," she flicked the cigarette butt to the ground, crushing it with the tip of her heel. "So, you know your dad and I just got back from Europe. I talked with your grandfather, and we came up with an idea... Oh, please, Eleanore, spare me that face. You haven't even heard what I have to say!" I tried to hide the displeasure that surfaced on my face. Nothing good ever followed when my mom claimed to have an idea. Never. "Well, as I was saying. Your dad and I think it's time for you to invest a little more in your future."

"Not this again," I grumbled. "Mom, I don't want to go to Law School!"

"I'm not asking you to!" she retorted, her tone sharp and irritated. Then she sighed, as if making an effort to calm down. "Look, we know you love art. You were part of the Theater Club in school, and you enjoyed your drawing classes so much! But I don't want my daughter to just finish high school and call it a day. It wouldn't be suitable ."

"And what's your deal, then?" I asked, getting a bit defensive. Until now, Mom didn't seem to be pushing me into anything specific, but I knew she never dangled anything remotely cool in front of me without expecting something in return.

"Your father and I are willing to pay for any course you want, at any university you want. What do you say?" she asked, a slight grin playing on her lips, but her eyes stayed icy. "You can study wherever you want! You can be close to your cousin, your new friends, your... boyfriend. Pursue the arts career you want. But," she raised an eyebrow. "you have to be aware of your role in the family business. So, you'll get involved in the day-to-day routine, learn the ropes, and be ready to handle everything when your father and I aren't around to pamper you. Fair deal, right?"

On the flip side, it was kind of a tempting offer. I mean, having my parents backing my dreams would be awesome, even with a few strings attached. I used to dream about more than just ringing up customers in record stores; I missed the days when I had time to create , to be part of something. But, if I went for it, what would it mean for me and Dave? Would we drift even further apart?

I didn't want to dive into that mess. Too many details, too many what-ifs.

"You don't have to figure it all out now," Mom said, her tone soft, like she was reading my mind. "Whenever you want, Eleanore, you can come back home. We'll work things out then, okay? Just take your time."

With that, she got up and casually walked back inside, leaving me to grapple with my thoughts.

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dotieeee · 2 years

Text

The Dream That Got Away

Chapter 5

Pairing: Dark!Morpheus x You (no Y/N!)

This is a multi-chapter fic — Weekly updates (either Saturday or Sunday) because I found a rhythm of sorts lol

(The entire fic has been outlined, so I will see this to the end, you have my word)

*******************************************************************************************

Link to the Masterlist

Overall Warnings!! Take heed:

Morpheus is DARK – in canon, he changes for the better (or at least, tries to – but we don’t do canon lol, so he goes even more batshit crazy) cue obsession, manipulation, possessiveness, powerplay

18+ ONLY – explicit scenes will be present, some explicit language

DUB-CON and NON-CON scenes

Character death (sort of)

Creator vs Creation drama

And other dark stuff that may be added in the future

This chapter’s warnings:

Non-con touching and kissing

Graphic depictions of violence

powerplay

You have been warned!! Proceed with caution!!!

Link to the previous chapter

Chapter 5: Your King

Perhaps you had been foolish to think that your master’s blossoming infatuation was just a passing fancy – that he’d eventually set sight on someone else if you’d just kept avoiding him. That faint glimmer of hope was your only solace; but even that, and your chances of living a normal life as a nobody in the realm of the Dreaming, was just crushed by no more than a simple bunch of stupid red flowers. You had nothing going for you now: you had no one you can trust and nowhere to go. Like he did in the library, he had completely backed you into a corner with no chance of ever escaping.

You had never felt so helpless in your entire, albeit still short, existence. And this was all the doing of an Endless you had sworn to devote your life to.

Not that your loyalty to your duties and his realm has wavered – it never will for as long as you breathe – but what he has so far implied seems to ask for a whole new kind of commitment altogether.

So, why you? He is Dream of the Endless - he, of all beings, could easily woo any goddess, queen, or celestial being. You had heard he was wed once to one of the Greek Muses. Surely, any of them would make a perfect match to one such as him. Not you, nor any of his creations could possibly meet their creator’s needs.

Never mind what he needs – is this something you want? You had been avoiding this question in your head since the Dream Lord kissed you. Would you be able to look at him as someone else besides your king? Would he take it well if you said ‘no’ right now and be done with it? Would he force you? Perhaps it’s better that you give up and let him have his way. And where is that useless little voice when you need it?

“What do you think of that now, huh? Where are you? Why won’t you fucking talk to me?!”

You’re in your chambers, yelling at nobody in the dark. Just a few moments ago, after you read that awful thing in the florist’s manual, you ran to your room and dragged the sofa to the door, barricading yourself in. You closed the door to the balcony and drew all the curtains, so you’re left with just the faint glow of the setting sun coming through the brocade drapes on the windows, and the soft shimmer of the painted night sky in the ceiling.

You’re now huddled behind the four-poster bed, knees to your chest, scared out of your wits. Your screaming turns into uncontrollable sobbing as you hug your legs for comfort that won’t come.

“I need your help, I don’t know what to do anymore,” you whisper through your tears, hoping for even just one snarky retort from that resident at the back of your head.

But it stays silent, and you’re left without help, alone to deal with that storm of emotions in you that refuse to let up.

***

You’re lying on the floor in a fetal position, never having moved an inch from behind the bed’s headboard. You’ve lost track of time since you had drawn the curtains and had been drifting in and out of sleep. You had heard knocking and perhaps the faint voice of Morwyn calling from outside your door. You also vaguely remember responding how “you wanted to be left alone,” but you’re not sure if she heard. Frankly, you don’t care – you know you’ll eventually need to snap out of it, but right now, you just wanted to stay away from anyone and anything that reminded you of him.

There’s that knock, again.

“M’lady? Lady Mera?”

It was the muffled voice of Morwyn from the other side of the door.

“Please, lady Mera… it’s been more than two days,” she calls out imploringly. “I just wanted to know if you’re all right…”

So, two days since your self-imposed lockdown. Perhaps it’s the genuine concern in her voice that compels you – you slowly get to your feet and approach the door, not quite ready to open it yet. You sit on the chaise you had barricaded the door with. Your voice comes out hoarse from being unused for over 48 hours.

“Morwyn?”

“Lady Mera! Are you okay?” There is a hint of relief in her tone, having finally heard from you.

“No need to concern yourself with me, Morwyn. I’m doing fine. There was this dream that just… drained all my energy. I just need time to recuperate, please,” You lie through gritted teeth, doing your best to sound as feeble as you can.

“Oh my! Do you need Lucienne? I can call her for y –”

“No!” Realizing that you might’ve sounded a little too forceful, you amend, “No, you don’t have to do that, she’s already busy enough as it is.” Lucienne had a habit of asking questions you’d rather not answer, and you’re still not sure how much information she relays to the Dream Lord. There is no way you can trust her to keep this to herself should you ask for advice.

Maybe you could trust Morwyn?

“M’lady? Please. I wouldn’t know what to tell the Dream King when he comes back, he’d be so worried.”

Maybe not. You had to distract her then, so you can make a run for it.

But, where would you go?

“Morwyn? I’m kind of hungry, actually. Would you do me a solid and get me some food, please?”

“O-of course! I could run quickly to the kitchens and get you breakfast. They prepared muffins and clotted cream…”

That won’t do – you need her out of the way for as long as possible. “I was thinking something more comforting… could you make me some soup, please? Preferably with beans, if you don’t mind.”

“Yes, absolutely! Anything. It’ll take me some time, but I’ll have it ready. Will you be letting me in, then?”

I’ll be gone by then, you think, but respond, “Yes, yes, I will. Thank you Morwyn.” And I’m sorry, you add in your head.

“Not at all, m’lady. I’ll be back!”

Leaning against the door, you strain for the sound of her retreating footsteps. You wait for a few more minutes to ensure she has gone down the staircase before you pull the chaise lounge away from the door and quietly step out of the room.

Descending the wide marble stairs in a hush, you get a terribly brilliant idea of where to go.

But you’d be breaking one of your master’s supreme laws in the process.

***

Whenever you’re a bundle of nerves – and you have been more often than before for the past few weeks – a visit to your dreamers always lifts your spirits. This time, however, in a recurring dream of Misaki Sato, you pace to and fro in the flat she shared with her partner. Your anxiety grows by the minute – you’re aware that what you’re about to do would be extremely reckless, not to mention frightfully dangerous for a myriad of reasons. And once you did it, there was no going back: you’d forever be branded an outlaw, cut off from the land you called home, for eternity.

Which is why you take your time recalling the conversation you had with Fiddler’s Green when you asked him how to get to the Waking World.

***

“Ah, but would a young, little dream such as yourself do with that sort of knowledge?”

Fiddler’s Green, or Gilbert, as he liked to be called, seemed to be genuinely surprised at the question you had brought up. His gentle breeze whooshed against your sitting form a tad more urgently as if trying to dissuade you from your line of questioning.

You gave him a shrug and said, “Nothing, I suppose. I just heard that some nightmares have gone there. The Dream Lord has been looking for them.”

“Well, I suppose if it’s for the sake of curiosity, then I shall have to oblige.” His good-humoured voice echoed in your head and with the wind, the grass, and the leaves of the trees he cradled waving in his response. “You see, we Dreaming folk have this incredible ability to will ourselves into the wonderful world of the mortals whose dreams we shape. It is quite humbling how much power our Dream King was willing to impart to us. In fact, with a thorough and detailed imagining of the place you should like to appear to, you can manifest the form with which you prefer with little to no effort.”

“You have to keep in mind, though, little one, that such a world isn’t so welcoming of our kind,” He continued, his tone morose, the atmosphere stilling with it. “You could easily find yourself trapped in its innate darkness, and the more malevolent forces of humanity might sap your strength and use it against you. The Dreamfolk whom I’ve known had spent their time in the Waking return an empty shell; the Dream Lord’s act of unmaking had been but an act of mercy. The nightmares, however, mirror that evil, and it is by the use of, and even by inspiring it, that they survive.”

Cautioning you with a final gentle blow that whipped your hair in the air, he said, “Perhaps it’s best that you occupy yourself with much more pleasant thoughts of our Realm, little one, lest curiosity gets the better of you.”

You only hummed in reply.

***

You had ceased your pacing a few moments ago. You now sit on the secondhand, threadbare sofa, mulling over what Gilbert has told you. According to him, you needed only to will yourself to appear in a place you know in great detail, or there could be dire consequences if you land somewhere you weren’t familiar with. Finally, you get on your feet, looking around the dream you’ve brought yourself to: it’s one of Misaki’s memory of her partner, Gillespie, leaving her in the flat – her final memory of them together, before her dear Gillie disappeared, never to be heard of again.

Meaning no disrespect to this recurring dream, you ask yourself: is this dingy Victorian-era flat detailed enough for you to make an appearance?

You walk around, trying to find inconsistencies with the dream. The most glaring one is the odd fact that in the two small rooms of the tiny flat, there were no closets. You had been closely following the recent fashion trends at the turn of the century, and you had known for quite some time that women in general owned more articles of clothing compared to men. You’re looking at two women who lived together, so the absence of a wardrobe is suspicious. The other, more subtle clue is that every mirror you find in the entire flat seemed to have a single, large spider-web crack with unusually similar patterns.

Realizing that Misaki must be suppressing this memory, you halt your inspection and decide this wouldn’t do. You had to move on to a different dream that showed all the signs of being copied down to the least visible hairline crack on the walls. You make a mental reminder to come back to Misaki in the future to see how you can help her move on from her girlfriend’s disappearance. Workwise, there was nothing you could do to a memory she refuses to acknowledge.

***

It was an exhausting feat trying to find a dream that met your qualifications. Thankfully, after a long and arduous search, you land in the well-kept greenhouse of Rafaela Murray.

Rafaela and her husband own a mini grocer known for their inventive and unique flavours of homemade jam, jellies, and marmalades which you had inspired in her previous dreams. Her business, formerly on the brink of bankruptcy, is now thriving, not only because of their famed mixed-berries jam which you had helped her discover but also because of the lush garden that supplied most of their fresh ingredients. Taking slow steps around the lovingly cared-for greenhouse, you note the rows upon rows of little berry bushes, all heavy with fruit nearly ripe for harvest. Outside, Rafaela herself is picking oranges from the citrus trees, humming to herself. In the air is the delicious smell of sugar and fruit boiling away in her kitchen.

In this memory-dream of hers, you find the most optimal location to make your first-ever appearance in the Waking realm.

Taking in a deep breath, you mentally search for that figurative link between the Dreaming and the Waking. Inside your mind, it manifests in the form of a string – instinctively, you knew that once you gripped the string, you would be taken to the Waking World and ultimately betray your sovereign.

As soon as your fingers touch the string, you feel the beginning of a tug in your belly button, a telltale sign that the link is starting to work. A sense of panic overwhelms you the moment the tug grows more insistent – as if burned, you withdraw your fingers and break the connection.

Treason. What in the ever-living fuck were you thinking? You mentally scold yourself, breaking out of your trance. A part of you is disappointed at yourself for backing out of the plan cowardly, but a bigger part of you seemed to struggle greatly with the idea of leaving behind the Dreaming and in turn, abandoning your dreamers. Gilbert was right – knowing this information had almost led you to desert your function and seal your own demise at the hands of your King. Without preamble, you go back to the sandy shores of the sea of dreams and hurriedly return to the palace before your absence is reported and he gets wind of what you had just attempted.

You get into the castle without being approached by anyone, but that luck soon dissipates before you even ascend the marble staircase on the way to your room.

Your name is called by Lucienne before you take the first flight of steps. You watch in trepidation as she makes her way to you.

“Mera, have you been to the dreams again? Morwyn has told me that she left to get you breakfast, but you weren’t in your chambers when she got back. That was two days ago.” She says, tilting her head and arching her eyebrows in a questioning manner.

Before you could respond, however, she delivers a blow that you had hoped never to hear.

“You’d better explain that to the Dream Lord. He has summoned you to his throne room.”

Her news has you reeling, and although you try not to show it, Lucienne must’ve seen a flash of fear in your eyes, for she looks over you with concern. She gives you a short rub on the bicep and softly says, “You’ll be fine, Mera. He’s not angry, he just wants to see you.”

This fact does not reassure you – in fact, it heightens your sense of dread, but you follow her as she leads you to the towering doors to the Dream King’s throne. She pushes the doors open, their sound reverberating throughout the vast halls and starry ceilings. Both your heels echo against the stone floors as you approach the winding staircase leading to the monarch’s imposing, intricately carved throne.

You’ve only been to this hall a handful of times; you could only describe it as beautiful in a cold and haunting way. The galaxy-laden skies and the stained glass provide a stark contrast to the gray hues of stone arches and pillars, and to the rich, black robes that the waiting king preferred to wear at all times. You avoid looking in his direction as much as you can and instead focus on the images that the stained glass portrayed. To your horror, every panel had but one image: you, clad in blood-crimson, with that ruby on your head. Lucienne seems to ignore this detail, and as you arrive at the foot of the stairs, she announces your presence.

“Lucienne, leave us.”

Bowing solemnly, she turns to leave, but not before flashing you an encouraging look to try to calm you. But then she closes the heavy doors behind her, effectively leaving you at the mercy of the Endless you had tried so hard to give a wide berth to.

The Dream King starts descending from his perch on the high throne with slow, deliberate steps. Looking down at your feet, you could hear your heart thrumming heavily in your ears as he draws closer, so you clutch your hands to your chest in a vain effort to soothe it. As you wait with bated breath, his footsteps come to halt just mere inches before you, invading your personal space just as he did in the library. Inside, you quell that growing urge to run from him, knowing any escape would now be futile.

He starts speaking in this velvety, breathy voice you know so well.

“Lucienne tells me you have been quite elusive these past days, my little dream.”

Trying to gauge his reaction, you finally turn your gaze to him – only to immediately regret it, his heated smirk freezing you on the spot. He starts circling you closely, like a predator about to zero in on its prey.

“Don’t think I’m not aware of your little visits in the ocean of Dreams, my Mera.” He drawls in a teasing tone. “Naughty as you have been, I can not find in myself to be upset. In fact, it just further solidifies my choice.”

Abruptly he stops before you once more, addressing you with all the authority of an Endless sovereign:

“I trust that you know my intentions by now, my dream. I hereby declare your new purpose: you are to be bound to me as my only consort. You will now serve me alone, your king and your master. This my new function for you, my Mera, and for the rest of eternity.”

His declaration, echoing in the throne room, sends chills down your spine and finally breaks your composure. He looms in on you to kiss you once more, but you take a sidestep before backing away from him.

No…this can’t be.

“'No’?” His voice dips dangerously low, his jaw clenching and his eyes narrowing on you.

Belatedly realizing you said that out loud, you make an effort to amend your words to appease the controlled rage emanating from him in waves.

“I mean, my Lord, I c-can’t possibly perform those duties to your satisfaction,” Your voice comes out faint and shaking as you continue to back away from his approaching figure. “Please, I’m only a dream …”

Your back hits a pillar, and he’s immediately on you, trapping you between the pillar and his unmoving body. His eyes, furious and disappointed, bore into yours.

“Did you not give me your word the day I gave you life? Or have you forgotten?”

You’re now visibly frightened, and your palms move to push him away, but he grabs your wrists roughly and pins them above your head. In an instant he covers your body with his own, his head dipping into yours and whispering closely in your ear:

“Do you truly have it in your heart to defy your creator?”

Your lips tremble as you fight back a sob threatening to surface; you’ve never seen this side of your master before, and now that you have, you’re deathly afraid of him.

“Please, my King…” you plead softly, closing your eyes to prevent the tears.

But in response, he growls in your ear, “I am, indeed, your king, and you belong to me. I will not be denied by my own creation.”

And he captures your lips into his in a fierce kiss. It was the library all over again, except his kiss now seeks to bruise and possess, trying to sate his endless hunger. You squirm, but it’s no use – in your defiance, he bites your lower lip, earning a pained gasp – and immediately his tongue is on yours, marking every corner of your mouth. Letting go of your wrists, he holds the back of your neck to control the angle and deepen the kiss, seemingly seeking to punish you for even thinking of saying ‘no.’

You whine in his mouth as he starts lifting your gown and running his hand up and down your thigh. Perhaps growing tired of your refusal, he grabs the back of your legs and pushes you upward against the pillar. He then wraps your thighs around his waist, hiking your dress up further and now exposing you to the cold, giving you goosebumps. You’re left with no choice but to hold on to his shoulders, sobbing and whimpering in his mouth at the unwanted contact. His lips move from yours down to the groove of your neck, where he begins suckling and biting your flesh, hell-bent on leaving angry welts and bruises: a mark of his possession. In your compromising position, you start feeling a hard bulge rub against your core as he bucks his hips, indicating his arousal. Against your wishes, an unfamiliar heat starts to pool in your lower belly as he grinds into you more urgently, desperate for his release.

Wanting an end to this, you beg before your body starts betraying you further.

“Pl..please, my Lord, l-let m-me go…” you choke between your tears.

This earns a deep growl of disapproval from your master, but he stops his ministrations, his lips hovering over your collarbone in seeming contemplation. To your relief and surprise, he releases you from his hold on the pillar. He drags his palms from your thighs to your waist to grip you in place. Seeing your tear-stricken face, his expression slightly softens.

“You are right. This is not the time for such activities.”

With a sudden swirl of his sand, he transports you to his chambers and, sensing your panic, his hold on you grows firmer in an attempt to reassure you.

“We have much to talk about.”

He steps away from you, although there is reluctance in the way he lets go of his grip on your waist. Fearing more retaliation from him, you stay rooted to the spot, awaiting his word.

“I have a rogue nightmare to capture. The Corinthian. I should like you to wait here until my return. We will then discuss the extent of your duties to me.”

He has his hands on the door, but turns to face you to leave a warning:

“Remember, my little dream: if I find you gone, your punishment will not be so light.”

***

But he doesn’t return that night. Or the day after that.

So, on the third day of his absence, you deemed it safe to finally step outside his chambers, growing tired of the anxiety staying in there brought you. You remember the moment he left; you had bawled your eyes out at the helplessness you felt in his touch – his chambers only reminded you of the shame you felt at your body’s reaction to him, even if you knew you couldn’t control it.

But you also grow weary of moping. Your king might’ve sealed your fate with your new… role, but he had not yet taken your ability to form dreams – and so with that, you hold on, resolving to stay the same dream you always have been, regardless of function.

But, like any obedient subject, you return to his chambers at night; whether out of acceptance of your fate, or fear of the repercussions, you don’t know. Perhaps you can one day convince the Dream Lord to allow you to continue shaping dreams for his dreamers, all while fulfilling your other responsibilities to him – perhaps you can ask him to grant you that one boon when he returns.

If he returns.

***

The first year of the Dream King’s disappearance in his realm was uneventful – for some of the residents, it was even welcome – having no brooding monarch breathing down on their necks and ordering them about was a breath of fresh air. Sure, a number of things started disappearing: several pots from the kitchen, a few knickknacks from Cain and Abel’s houses, a few rooms from the staff quarters – they were inconsequential, and life in the Dreaming seemed to move without its ruler.

But in the years that followed, these losses would only keep piling up – entire sections of the castle would collapse, the once-lush gardens would wilt, and parts of the realm would disappear without a trace. To yours and Lucienne’s consternation, books started disappearing from the library by the bookshelf – and soon enough, some of the residents, in their mounting dissatisfaction at their king’s prolonged absence, started packing up and leaving the realm.

Morwyn once revealed a rumor making rounds among the dreaming folk: that the Endless has finally tired of his functions and ditched the realm forever. This was a rumor you had tried to suppress, but the others shut you down like they always did. Cain was quick to point out that he wouldn’t be the first Endless to do so: Destruction, Dream’s sibling, had once abandoned his own and was never seen again.

“You want to hear another story? Lord Morpheus offered residence to a creature of Destruction’s – and a dangerous one, to boot. Word has it that anyone who crosses its path will meet their ultimate demise. Not too far-fetched, if you ask me.”

Abel had tried arguing with him over tea about how Lord Morpheus couldn’t possibly keep a creature of such devastating abilities. Still, Cain proceeded to bludgeon him with a marble bust before he could complete his sentence.

The realm you loved with all your heart – once teeming with life and beauty – began decaying right before your eyes. It was nothing short of heartbreaking.

You and the Dream Lord had unresolved matters between you, but the Dreaming needed him. So you one day offer to Lucienne to start combing through the dreams of the humans and track his whereabouts. She was against the idea at first, but given no other alternative, she eventually relented.

The humans also had it rough. Dreams started becoming more volatile. With your powers, you could still shape them and tame them, but who knows what goes on with them when you, or any other dream, weren’t there? You had caught several of your kind taking refuge in their own pocket-dreams – cutting the human off from the rest of the dreaming and placing them in a bubble of their own creation – but you were in no place to reprimand them or take them back. Day after day, you had to go back to the crumbling castle and report to Lucienne empty-handed.

The waters had also become more violent without its master to keep them in check. It had gotten even more strenuous navigating through, and sometimes you’d get stuck there for days on end, lost in the increasingly unstable dreams of the mortals.

One day, the journey proved almost fatal.

You had been trapped in the water for six straight days, unable to connect with your usual link to the shores – so when you started feeling a flicker of the link come alive, you will yourself to it, only to come face-to-face in the waters with yourself.

Or a mirror of you, to be exact. It looks exactly like you – same hair, same clothes, same ruby headpiece, save for the eyes: they’re completely black and glinting with malice, an emotion you have never felt before. You brush the image away and try to make it ashore, but it grabs you by the ankles and drags you further into the depths.

In your thoughts, it speaks: “Dream of the Endless will destroy you and that realm you claim to love.”

Without warning, its hands wrap around your throat and begin squeezing.

For a mere illusion, it has surprising force – you kick and punch at it and try to scramble away, but it wouldn’t let go. All you could hear in your head is your own voice, cackling with hysterical laughter. In one last desperate attempt to get it off you, you grab ahold of its head and start pressing your thumbs on its eyes – blood starts flowing from its sockets, and its otherworldly screaming fills your head – the illusion then disappears in a puff of gray smoke. With no strength left in you, you close your eyes, and a name escapes your lips in a whisper, before drifting off to unconsciousness.

***

Elsewhere, Dream of the Endless stirs in his glass confinement, having heard a voice he had not heard of in decades – the voice of the precious little dream he had left behind in his chambers.

He had regretted leaving you in such a distraught state, especially with that threat he had left you with in the heat of his emotions. He had hoped to make amends with you the moment he returned, so he could finally claim you and have you by his side as he had always envisioned – but it was not to be. Mortals seem to have gotten more foolishly arrogant over the centuries to have dared to initiate the capture of one such as him.

What had become of you that you had to call his name in such a weakened state? His insides boil with a flaming rage he hadn’t felt in eons, worried for you at your current predicament, and frustrated at his inability to reach you when it seemed you were in dire need of him.

But he had complete confidence in your ability to get yourself out of trouble – he knows, for he fashioned you to perfection. He closes his eyes and lets the rare warmth spread in his heart at the fact that you had called out to him in a position of vulnerability.

Once he opens them, however, they bleed entirely to black – he gives a silent vow that his captors, especially Roderick Burgess, would rue the day they robbed him of his time with you.

***

Link to the next chapter Author notes:

Thank you, THANK YOU for reading!!

Please engage, comment and reblog!! I love feedback from you guys :) This is my first ever fic, so kindness is truly appreciated!

Thank you to my queen @queenshelby @endlessdreamqueen3 for encouraging me to pen this, as well as to my fellow Dark!Morpheus writers whose work I have thoroughly enjoyed and keep rereading :)

Post date: 11/19/22

Edit date: 11/20/22

Taglist: Just lemme know please if you want to be added, too!

Tagging the following:

@wt-fxck

@sandman-33

@reallystressedhoneybee

@akiraquote

@safe-teycar

@ponyboys-sunsets

@izzicle

@spygrrl99

@intothesoul

@thecrazytealady

@tastyinspection8860

@kittensssss-blog

@trinittyy

@mxacegrey

@sarahbullet235

@tastyinspection8860

@blu3what

@justporple

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theneighborhoodwatch · 9 months

Note

Hi! Gonna start off and say that I love the work you're doing with the Welcome Home neocities website! It's perfectly stylized for the project/puppet show and I can see the work you're putting into it.

I'd love to learn how to make my own neocities website (for fun? For a personal project??), so I was wondering if you could provide some tips and/or pointers for a first-timer.

Thank you!

HAHA well first of all i'm flattered that someone would think i'm skilled enough to be giving pointers in the first place. i still consider myself a novice when it comes to web design (for example, if you're wondering why every page on welcome to welcome home has its own CSS, it's because CSS is Way harder for me to wrap my head around than HTML) so i can't give any Super advanced tips, but i can at least write about what's helped me so far:

GUIDES. neocities has its own tutorial and list of HTML/CSS resources, but user-made guides are your best friend when it comes to figuring out where to go from there. a.n. lucas and pauli kohberger both have really good guides for beginners, but for the more advanced stuff, i found myself referencing the resources on solaria's webspace and sadgrl.online the most. w3schools is also very helpful when it comes to answering more specific questions like "how do i use two different fonts on the same page?" (and probably more.) if all else fails, then usually just googling "how to (x) in HTML" or "how to (x) in CSS" will yield at least one useful result. for making your website more accessible, there's the accessible net directory and this masterpost by foxpunk on tumblr.

it sounds obvious, but it helps to have a solid idea of what kind of site you want to build before you actually dive in, and then snoop around on neocities to get an idea of how other users approach the same topic. for example, i got the idea to start a welcome home wiki on neocities after being reminded of the 8:11 wiki on the same site, and then i spent a couple days just looking up stuff like "wiki" or "fansite" on neocities and then clicking on any page that caught my attention to study it.

layouts! there's no shame in using a premade one, and you can even learn more about HTML/CSS in real time just by messing around with the base code before implementing any intentional changes. sadgrl.online's layout builder is a VERY popular choice, since you can already do a lot with the basic options it offers and it's easy to further customize once you have it set up on your page; it's what i used to make welcome to welcome home. sadgrl.online's webmaster links also feature a bunch of other options under the "layouts" tag, and if none of those work for you, then you can even find something just by looking up template/templates/layout/layouts/HTML/CSS on neocities itself.

side note: if you're reading this and you want to make a wiki then you can also use this wikitable code. it came out after i had already established the Look of welcome to welcome home, so i probably won't implement it any time soon, but i TOTALLY WOULD HAVE if it was around when i first set the site up.

you can scale images up or down using percentage, with 100% being the image's default size. i don't know how helpful or acceptable that is, but i use it a lot.

don't feel pressured to get everything done at once, even if you expect people to be visiting your site frequently. usually if you just slap on an "under construction" gif or even just write "hey this site is still under construction" then people will understand. i don't think i've ever seen anyone get super huffy about slow updates on neocities, anyway.

EDIT: OH. GRAPHICS. i mention all of these on welcome to welcome home's front page but i Also wanted to note them here: betty's graphics and websets by lynn both have HUGE collections of background tiles and other graphics that work especially well if you're going for that old web charm. i also like to use this mirror of patterncooler for backgrounds bc of the customization options. you can also make your own background tile and then use a seamless tile maker like this if all else fails.

EDIT 2: ALSO. obviously. do not be like me and use discord or any other chat client as a filehost, no matter how promising it looks, because one day you WILL get a very nasty surprise when the request signature on those urls expire and the images are no longer accessible on other sites. there are a myriad of other filehosts out there, but personally i recommend file garden (and also donating to file garden if you can, even if only for a couple months. i know i said that just yesterday, but if it gets more folks to subscribe then i'm gonna keep saying it.)

#imaginatorofthings #ask #welcome to welcome home #web design #? yeah i'll slap that tag on there why not #neocities

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 3 months

Text

The Mafia Princess Part VII: The Jacket

Update time! Sorry for the slow posting time on this one, but I wanted to take my time and not rush it since we're really getting to the good parts now! I hope you guys are enjoying this story!

Mafia Princess Masterpost

AO3 Link

Winning Result: Go with Desi to get a new outfit/jacket bought for her.

Reminder: The poll for the next chapter will be under the read more at the bottom of the post!

---

“I guess… a new outfit would be nice,” Elsa slowly said, not really sure if it was the right choice or not, but she figured she could always make a break for it and run if she needed to. He may have been a mafia boss, but he was still recovering from getting shot at a bunch of times, after all. She could outrun him.

Desi gave her a smile that looked pretty normal before he was looking past her and raising his hand into the air, almost like he was doing that thing in movies when people waved down a taxi. “Alright. My men will pick us up just around the corner of this block, out-of-sight of all your classmates.”

“Thanks,” Elsa said, surprised he would actually care about what it would do to her already dead social life to be seen getting picked up in a suspicious black car by a bunch of men in suits. “So… you’re really okay? Because that was a lot of blood.”

“I’ve been through worse.” Huh. Should that impress her or scare her? At the moment it was doing a little of both, if she was being honest. “You handled the situation well yourself, though. Experience?”

“I’m just that good,” Elsa said, pretending she hadn’t had a couple nightmares about all the blood and that she was perfectly fine and able to handle herself.

Somehow, the look he gave her made her feel like he knew what was going on in her head and that he realized just how terrifying it had all been. She wasn’t sure if she liked that. Someone looking at her and honestly seeming like they got it. She was used to just pity, at that point.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to say anything else, the two walking around the corner and Desi opening a door for her and guiding her into the back of the car. Now that she wasn’t in shock, she could see how expensive it was. It looked like the same one from yesterday, at least, minus any blood stains.

The seats were made of black leather, though, so possibly it had just been cleaned really well. Who the hell made car seats with leather, anyways? Leather furniture was so uncomfortable! Plus all of the adults with it just ended up covering it with some kind of plastic- Okay. She was getting off-track.

The point was that she was in a fancy car that was expensive enough to have the two seat rows that faced each other with a mini-fridge installed underneath the back row seat, the one she was sitting across.

There was only one other guy in the car with them, the same one from yesterday that had spoken to her and taken her to the hospital, and he must have noticed her staring because he asked, “You want a drink, little miss?”

“I think it’s illegal to offer a twelve-year-old a drink,” Elsa said without thinking, which seemed to be a really common theme lately. Maybe she had been cursed. Before she could apologize and try to not get shot, the fridge was opened and there was a water bottle being held out to her with a very flat sort of look being shot her way. “Oh.” Elsa took the bottle. “Yeah. That, uh, makes more sense, I guess.”

She heard that huffing breath of laughter, looking to Desi who was sitting next to who she guessed must have been Scotty. It was nice that neither of them was sitting beside her and gave her some space, even with as weird as everything was. “Well, there are a few different places we can take you to get that outfit. What sort of clothes do you often wear? What you are now?”

Elsa glanced down without even thinking about it. She wasn’t dressed in much besides some black jeans and a generic band t-shirt that was so faded she couldn’t even make out the name of the band. Elsa looked back at him. “I’m a foster kid. We wear what we can get.” Alright. That had been a little rude, she guessed. She also didn’t want to dive down into her foster kid woes and look like some kind of beggar or, worse, owe any kind of debts. “If it’s alright, I… really just want the jacket I had replaced.”

“Was it special to you?” Desi’s tone was a little kinder, something similar to pity, but not quite as condescending. It was nicer.

“Sort of?” Elsa shrugged, looking away to instead fiddle with her water bottle and get it open. “I had been outgrowing it anyway so it basically didn’t fit anymore, but it was a gift.”

A glance up showed that Desi was giving her his full attention and looking interested in what she was saying, and Scotty was looking out the window to where she couldn’t tell if he was making it seem like he wasn’t listening or actually wasn’t listening. Somehow, she felt herself wanting to say more.

“It was a birthday gift from an older foster sibling I had a couple years ago. We didn’t even keep in contact and he left the system probably over a year ago now, but the jacket was still mine, you know? We weren’t exactly close, but it was mine.” It looked like he got it, but just to drive home the point she added on quietly, “You don’t get gifts much in the system. You don’t get things that are yours in the system.”

The three of them sort of sat there quietly, Desi finally raising his voice, “Aidano?” He seemed to be talking to the driver, Elsa looking back to see they were actually driving. She hadn’t even felt the car move from where she and Desi had first gotten in. “The usual clothing place.”

It was hard with how twisted around she was, but she was pretty sure she saw Scotty and Aidano both share some kind of look that probably meant something. “So, Elsa.” Desi smiled at her, still acting like he was talking to someone interesting. “If you could have your dream jacket, what would it look like?”

Well. If she had already shared her tragic backstory, she might as well go all the way, right? With that in mind, she took a sip of water before she closed the bottle and then moved her backpack to rest between her legs before opening it and, after shoving the bottle inside, pulling out her most recent sketchbook. She hadn’t been working in it much, so it was pretty beat up. Still, she knew exactly which page to flip to.

“I guess my dream jacket would be something like this?” Elsa held out the sketchbook, letting Desi take it and feeling a burst of pride when the big time mafia boss looked impressed at her drawing.

“You designed this?” Designed? Big word for just drawing a cool looking jacket, but she’d take the compliment.

“Yup,” Elsa said, even more gleeful when she saw Scotty, who had still been pretending to not hear anything, snuck a glance over and looked impressed himself. “Drawing is cheap, easy, and fun, so it makes for a good hobby. I can’t exactly get clothes easy, since, you know, I’m twelve, so I just drew what I wanted. So I guess if I could have a dream jacket, it would be like that.”

“You’re got talent here, kid. It looks good.” Heh. She was pretty good, wasn’t she? She was pretty glad though that he decided to not flip around to other pages like other people would when she showed them a drawing.

A voice from behind her startled her before she realized it was just the driver. “We’re here, sir.”

“Thank you, Aidano.” Looking back to her, Desi smiled. “I think we can do something about getting you a good jacket.”

With that he was opening the door and getting out of the car, still with her sketchbook in his hand, she noticed, and gesturing for her to follow. She glanced at Scotty, who just raised an eyebrow back like he was waiting on her. “Alright, alright,” Elsa grumbled, sliding over before getting out of the car, making sure to grab her backpack and take it with her.

She barely got on the sidewalk before Desi was walking into a store, Elsa quick to follow and then immediately stopping when she got inside because whoa. It looked like one of those high-end tailoring places people in movies got their clothes from when they were rich. Bolts of fabric were lined up against the upper walls and everything was made of polished wood and curved edges. It looked sleek, cool, and expensive.

Desi was walking up to the counter where someone in a fancy vest and suit pants was standing, a tape measure slung over their shoulders to really drive in the point she was somewhere where people made the clothes for a person specifically. Elsa followed him, but she was slow enough she could sneak some looks at some of the mannequins that did have outfits on them. She didn’t see any prices, and she definitely knew what that meant.

Desi and the guy seemed to know each other, going by how warmly they said hi, and Elsa made sure to give it a couple minutes before she joined them at the desk, especially with how serious they looked to be after the initial hellos. It gave her time to look at some of the clothing more, already thinking up ideas for next time she drew.

When she finally got to the desk, Desi spared her a quick smile. “Matthew, this is Elsa,” Desi introduced, Elsa waving at Matthew because this was a very expensive store and she wanted to be on good behavior considering she already looked like she didn’t shop in places like this. Ever. “Like I was telling you, her jacket got ruined while she was helping me out and we’re here to get her a new one. I even got a reference photo for you this time around.”

Her sketchbook was laid on the table and Elsa felt absolutely mortified that a professional designer was looking at her doodle of a jacket she thought would look good on her. “Oh! Did you draw this?” Matthew looked at her and looked impressed. “This is incredible work! I can tell you like designing, and your pallet to the side here shows a good sense of color.”

“Oh. Thank you,” Elsa said even as she mentally scolded herself for doubting her skills because, obviously, she was a god at drawing and should be worshiped as such.

She didn’t get to say anything else before she was being almost literally swept away and then helped onto a little stand with her arms held out as that measuring tape was used to take her measurements.

It then hit that she was in a very expensive store getting a jacket custom-made for her and decided she was probably in another dream that she should just go along with. As long as she pretended it was all normal and fine, then it would be, right?

It at least was interesting watching Matthew work, totally focused but still somehow answering her when she asked a couple questions about what she saw around her. She was really interested in that blue fabric that looked sort of like silk, but also had a really faint glittering pattern to it that looked really cool.

She wasn’t sure if she was upset or relieved when she was back at Desi’s side at the front counter, her sketchbook being handed back to her and Matthew back at the counter and writing things down in a notebook faster than she ever would be able to. “Alright, since it’s a much smaller order than your usual, we should be ready to have it done and ready for her tomorrow for those final alterations. Some time after two, at most.”

She didn’t get to ask any final questions about how her jacket would look at the end before Desi was touching her shoulder just enough to steer her back towards the door, Elsa passing by another woman who had entered and, okay, fair enough, Matthew had work to do. She’d just get her questions answered tomorrow, anyways- Ah. Right.

“So,” Elsa said once they were outside, Scotty following them from where he had been standing by the door for probably the whole time. Seemed like a mafia thing to do. “We’re… coming back tomorrow?”

Desi chuckled and took something from his pocket before holding it out, Elsa shifting her grip on her sketchbook to take a white business card. It looked like it was for the store behind her, the name and address and everything printed on it. Flipping it over, she was surprised to see a number actually written in ink on the back.

“You can come back yourself tomorrow and get it, no need to worry about strange men picking you up from school again.” Oh, thank god. “Payment is all taken care of, too, so all you need to do is pick it up and make sure it fits.”

Elsa nodded, playing with the edge of the card before holding it up. “And the number is…?”

“Just in case you need it.” Alright. Cryptic, but she could guess from that much at least that it was probably his. Probably. “Now. If you’d like we can give you a ride back home or even just back to the school. If you’d rather, there’s a bus stop just across the street, too.”

Hm. For being a big time mafia boss, he sure gave her a lot of free will to make her own choices before just going along with them. It was better than just being told what to do like in every other aspect of her life. “I guess…”

#mafia princess #my writing #original #story poll #i'm going to try and include a Silly/Fun option for each poll i do #just because i think it wou ld be fu n lol #but i hope you guys enjoy this one i really had fun with it!#Elsa and Desi's relationship is really fun to explore

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ahfrickenfrick · 1 year

Text

buzzfeed unsolved: The disappearance of Jason Todd

Ryan

Shane

—

This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved we will be discussing the disappearance of Jason Todd-Wayne, which has had updates as recently as last week.

Wait last week? Ryan, if we disappear because of this episode imagine how cool it would be. Maybe we hang with our good pal Jason.

I don’t have time for you being stupid. I have to get this right, because let me be honest. I have a man crush on Bruce Wayne, and if he ends up watching this and you’re being stupid I’ll never forgive you.

Okay, sure. Cause Bruce Wayne is searching the internet for every little thing posted about his dead son.

(wheeze)

We don’t know if he’s dead! And that’s what I’m here to talk about today.

Jason Peter Todd was born August 16th, 2000 in Gotham City, New Jersey, to his mother Dr. Sheila Haywood and his father Willis Todd. However only a few months later did Willis Todd marry Catherine Johnson, forcing Dr. Haywood to have to relinquish custody.

If I ever have a kid-

-they would all have your big head and I’d feel sorry for them.

Ryan. I listen to you ramble about murderers and ghosts. Let me tell my spiel.

(wheeze)

Right, sorry.

If I ever have a kid with someone, I think I’d be really upset if they just kinda made me give my kid to a stranger.

Here’s the thing to that! No one has heard or seen from Dr. Sheila Haywood since, like after her son was born. The only thing that might link back to her is an illegal botched surgery, but most of it was sealed off, and I don’t feel like having the Gotham City Police Department call me up

(ring ring)

Hi yes, are you that idiot from that show? You will be arrested immediately! Batman and his group of… misfits?? I don’t know, but they are on their way!

Moving on from your weird role play, like all the families that live in Park Row, what is deemed “Crime Alley”, the Todd family did not have money.

You could not pay me to go to a place called Crime Alley.

We were actually going to Gotham, scope around, maybe get a selfie with Robin-

-Which one?

I need to do an episode trying to figure out how many Robin’s there actually are… I think there have been five?? Six?? I don’t know… stop distracting me with Batman! We ended up scraping the visitation part because apparently this time of year Arkham breakouts are common, and I don’t want to get fear gassed.

Jason did decent at school, until he stopped showing up, school records are really spotty after third grade. Apparently he was reading and understanding college level stuff, but that’s really all we got on it.

Not a lot on this guys younger life it looks like.

No there isn’t, not any social media posts, or news articles, or anything if that sort about Jason until a few years later in 2012, when Jason became the ward to the one and only, Bruce Wayne.

Ah, Bruce Wayne, you love him, I love him, uhm- I actually don’t know much about Bruce Wayne other than the fact he’s one of the few rich people who give away a shit ton of money.

Bruce Wayne is a billionaire CEO, with a heart of gold, and some say he sleeps around, but as long as he’s not hurting anyone. Also! He’s a dad! Bruce Wayne is a trusted person within the Foster Care over in Gotham. He takes in the extreme cases that would probably leave the kid with a bunch of trauma.

Well, with what I’ve heard about Gotham, he must have like a billion kids with just a bunch of trauma

Let’s see what I remember from research, cause I did not write anything down for this. His first ward was Richard Grayson, who goes by Dick, was taken in after he watched his whole family fall and die on the trapeze.

As I said before, Jason was brought into Mr. Wayne’s custody after the death of both his father and his step mother. His father’s death was unknown, and his step mother died from a drug overdose… in front of Jason.

Uhm- Tim Drake? His was more interesting to watch unfold because there’s a whole other multimillion almost billion dollar company that Tim’s parents owned, and there was a lot covered up by lawyers and stuff, but Tim ended up with the Waynes

Then there’s the only female in the place, Cassandra Wayne, she is selectively mute, and overly protected by her adoptive family, nothing was shared with the media about where she came from.

Damian Wayne is the only blood son to Bruce Wayne, he didn’t even know about the kid until… like last year? Two years ago? Again, not a lot that I remember.

And then there’s been rumors of him taking in another kid, but nothing for sure yet.

Jesus, Ryan take a breath, and go back to Jason, because now I’m hoping I believe your theories about him being alive cause what this family didn’t need is another death.

Look, Shane. I’m going to be straight with you here. There are three possible theories I think could be plausible. So let’s jump right into them.

Theory one, is that Jason Todd is alive and in hiding from The Joker. This is the second most popular idea, and one I hope is true. There really isn’t anything else to this theory, besides a picture of someone that looks a little like Jason in the middle of Asia.

Doppelgänger, probably. Lemme see. I don’t know… this kinda looks like someone edited it.

Yeah, like it looks really distorted. I don’t know if I think it’s real, but it’s what people online were talking about.

Crazy, that people online would doctor fake photos of a kid who had died.

Exactly, which is why people think he’s alive, cause who would do that?

—

Theory two is that Jason Todd died as his family said he did, looking for his birth mother. Apparently he was in the Middle East, found his mother, but then both were found dead in an explosion caused by the Joker.

So the Joker, who is Gotham’s Prince of Crime, was somehow in the Middle East? I don’t buy it

I didn’t either, until I looked just a little deeper, and found that the next week Superman and Batman stopped the Joker from murdering the United Nations. So he was in the area.

Oh my god. If.. I know on this show I try to goof off, but it’s hard when it’s a kid. How old was Jason?

Only 15. He just got back into the swing of things at school, getting all A’s, he was in the Drama program and the Poetry club. If you scroll down a on Dick Grayson’s Instagram you can find a selfie of Dick and Jason, Jason being in his school uniform only a week before he died. The two seemed to be really close, with how much Grayson posted of the two of them, and then it was radio silence from the man until a year after Jason’s death, where he made a memorial post, along with Bruce Wayne, who made the Jason Peter Todd Memorial Foundation, which helps families in Crime Alley.

Look, not okay with the kid dying, but it makes me kinda smile to see that his family got together to do something like this in his name.

I don’t think you understand the length of what this fund does. It provides special housing for single mothers, has opened up two clinics that help with drug abuse and addiction, and keeps kids in warm clothes and in school.

That’s- wow. Okay, you are making this “he’s dead” thing seem like it’s the only thing that happened.

Well, theory 3, is that he died-

Wait what?

He died, and came back to life.

This, I think, is worse than you saying ghosts are real.

We live in a world where someone can run at the speed of light! Yet you draw the line at ghosts and maybe hopefully someone who isn’t dead.

Yeah, but that’s science. Okay whatever where’s the proof of him being alive.

Okay, looking at the timeline. Jason Todd died at 15, in 2015. And the Wayne’s kinda were quiet for a year and a half, besides the foundation they set up, even with Tim, nothing really new was happening.

And then things seemed to go back to normal, they all frequented gala’s again, and all the other social stuff they did-

Yeah, nice choice of wording there

Shut up, anyways, in 2018 a picture appears, not even the front page, of Dick Grayson walking and laughing with someone who looks a lot like if Jason Todd grew up for a few years, and then decided to dye his hair.

Listen, Ryan. People have doppelgängers. We just saw the other picture and it’s clearly fake- Jesus Christ that looks exactly like Jason.

Exactly! And I started looking around more, finding pictures of the Wayne family around Gotham from news sites, and every once in a while, that guy pops up. Never in the picture, but always somewhere in the background like he wasn’t wanting to be seen. Like i mentioned in the beginning, there was a picture from a week ago that looks exactly like him.

Wait, is this a theory from the internet or something you came up with?

Both, kind of? I saw someone make a bad joke about it, and then it kinda stuck in my head as I looked for more information. Apparently there is a mythical pit that could bring someone from the dead.

Okay, yeah. Mythical revival pit. As if any living person wouldn’t be all over that.

Look man, that’s just the information I found. But I really really hope that Jason is alive somewhere safe, or resting peacefully.

The most believable for me is that he did pass away. But I’d love to be wrong.

That being said, I got really sad looking through all of Jason’s life, I felt like I was being more invasive than usual. So I talked with the crew and Buzzfeed, and we are donating all revenue from this video to the Jason Memorial fund in Gotham.

But the mystery of Jason Todd, still remains….

Unsolved

#writing whip #shane and ryan #ryan bergara #shane medej #buzzfeed unsolved #buzzfeed unsolved au #batman #jason todd #red hood #dick grayson #ghoul boys #dc #dc comics #dc jason todd #lazarus pit

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andmaybegayer · 7 months

Text

Last Monday of the Week 2023-11-27

Snow

Listening: Someone on IRC linked me to 3Blue1Brown's Hallelujah Parody about the vicissitudes of apparent patterns in sequences.

youtube

Reading: You Want My Password or a Dead Patient:, a paper about information security and the lack thereof in medical contexts. Paper linked here, but I first heard about it in this Choast.

A very good deep dive into the extremes of classic reasons why information security is bypassed: it's just much more important that you have access to resources Right Now in a hospital context than it is that they are secure against hacker, most of the time.

Hospitals process a lot of private information, so they are often beholden to the security standards imposed by regulations agencies. If you've engaged with mandatory security regulations you'll know a lot of them are, uh, bad?

(Famously if you want to meet US FIPS Government Standards you cannot use the Good Elliptic Curve ed25519 and instead you have to use a different, less well secured curve.)

Anyway what this means is that you have a significant conflict between the very high stakes and fast paced world of hospital medicine, and a system that wants you to log back in every time you step away from the x-ray machine.

Watching: Nothing.

Playing: As you may know if you're following me, I started Dark Souls this week. I am having a great time in Dark Souls! It's a lot of fun. I am still where I was yesterday, having just beaten the Belltower Gargoyles.

youtube

There are definitely notes that I have. It is for sure a 12 year old game. Some of the opacity is definitely intentional difficulty, like requiring you to just feel out the parry timing, but I it probably wouldn't make the game any easier if it had reliable indicators of when you're in position to backstab or riposte someone and it would make parrying much more fun. I like parrying but so often you parry someone and then just hit them normally instead of going for the cool finisher riposte.

Making: Like ten minutes ago I reopened Cinnabar and Calcite and did a little hardware swap, moving a new network card into Calcite and Calcite's old network card into Cinnabar. Everyone is settled back in. Wifi card upgrades are not really essential but it is nice to have wifi on a desktop even if you don't use it because a) someday you will and b) it's free bluetooth.

Also: Wrote some very bad bash to use my motherboard RGB as a tally light for recording these Dark Souls clips, since I've lost a few clips to hitting the wrong record button a few times.

Tools and Equipment: Original Tuesdayposter @girlfriendsofthegalaxy had a video on marinara sauce this last Tuesday and I was inspired to try some tomato pasta bakes. I usually make Mornay sauce based pasta bakes because it's what my parents usually made, but you gotta try a really spicy tomato pasta bake.

I got some habaneros and jalapenos from the farmers market and made a big pot of spicy tomato tuna bake and especially with the weather being How It Is that was great, I'm making a mushroom one sometime soon it kicked ass. That recipe was loosely based on this one, although I put in a bunch of extra vegetables.

#last monday of the week #Youtube

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captain-aralias · 2 years

Text

My Year in Review (but i cut the giant gif)

summary is - my top posts this year are recs, discord links .... and a pregnancy announcement!

I posted 1,105 times in 2022

165 posts created (15%)

940 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@facewithoutheart

@cutestkilla

@artsyunderstudy

@letraspal

@forabeatofadrum

I tagged 908 of my posts in 2022

Only 18% of my posts had no tags

#carry on - 700 posts

#carry on fanart - 277 posts

#fic rec - 235 posts

#my content - 177 posts

#unintended - 38 posts

#snowbaz - 36 posts

#restoration ecology - 31 posts

#simon snow series - 22 posts

#doctor who - 16 posts

#sort of - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#the ones i'm disappointed with didn't quite sell the premise or i had to write them too hurriedly or forgot to bring something in

I sent 3 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

life update

i'm 14-weeks pregnant 🎉

due date: 30th may

bit more info below the cut

i thought about making a lulzy WIP wednesday post (aka, "here is what i'm working on") along these lines a few times, but i didn't want to tag anyone into personal stuff they didn't necessarily want, and also i thought i miscarried almost immediately and that started me down a spiral of anxiety, so now it's not so funny. but anyway - i thought today would be a good day to tell people, since we're out the first trimester.

how:

IVF - worked first time

my partner's egg

donor sperm - man it's weird buying sperm, particularly from america, although i only browsed. i bought from the UK. i do know men i could have asked, but in the end i thought... i dont know anyone well enough i'd want to have a child with them. at all.

happy to answer questions about any of the above, if you're interested. thinking of writing a blog about it in my work persona.

how am i?

fine apart from the anxiety!

my main symptoms have been exhaustion, leading to very little writing, and some nausea but pretty weaksauce compared to some

i've told most people at work, which is a very supportive environment, so all good.

my partner's therapist said (to her) not to make big life decisions so soon after the death of my mum/her dad on the same day about a year ago, but we are both in our mid thirties and at our most financially viable, so - hopefully it's fine.

how is baby?

probably ok! we've seen them on several scans, definitely have two arms, two legs, brain, etc

still haven't managed to do the test that tells you the likiehood of Downs etc, though, as the baby has refused to move into a position where they could get a good measurement. we may know towards the end of december - so that is making me More Anxious, but it's still fine

why am i putting this on the internet?

a few reasons.

firstly - i would've told livejournal. the same thing happened when my mum died - i wanted to tell the online community i'm part of, the same way i've told friends and people from work.

but also - because i've been saying i've been tired and that i'm not writing on here, and i wanted everyone to know... this is why. i'm not sick! i'm just pregnant.

AND ... i don't know what the next six months, and then the next.......... twenty years will be like. i'm hoping to write a few more Carry On things before the baby arrives, assuming the second trimester is less tiring (which seems likely so far), but who knows? and probably less after that. BUT WHO KNOWS.

my partner is also a fandom person. i have nine(ish) months of maternity leave (thanks, britain!) and she'll be around for most of that too, thanks to working from home. so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe i'll be writing a bunch of extremely realistic babyfics or something. probably not, but you never know.

anyway!

that's the news.

it may all still go wrong, obviously. we haven't done all the tests, still six months to go.

i'll update with these same tags, if we lose the baby for whatever reason, and i'll update if we don't!

98 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

Some 'Carry On' Recommendations for your Tuesday

here's some things i've been reading recently that i think other people should read too! thanks for tagging me @messofthejess!

N.B. this list is super long and also only scratching the surface... i should rec more often, anyway - if you see this, please read some of the things as you will really like them, and give the authors some love!

Teen or under

The Plum Tree by @otherpeoplesheartachept-2, under 1k

baz and malcolm talk (without exactly talking) about how baz is a vampire. great characterisation, really nice contained and different piece.

Eight Times Simon Couldn’t Stop Himself by knightinbrightfeathers, RainyForecast, steadfastasthouart (steadfastest) - 12k

just realised this has three authors! really brilliant fic, fangirl-era - but super worth reading, as long as you're ok with simon being smart, and also knowing he's into boys before he kisses baz. (why wouldn't you be?). this is all about simon and baz pranking each other/being generally awful, until they aren't - you see their relationship changing and simon gradually realising what he feels about baz, then there's a telepathy scene! this was recced recently in the discord* so probably lots of people have now read it, but it's seriously good!

Golden Boy by @spockzilla, 9k

magickal mishap, simon turns everything to gold by mistake! this author (also responsible for the fic where simon turns into a frog) is really good at making the silliest things sexy, and sexy things silly - which is a good thing.

end to begin by @tea-brigade, 4k

canon AU, simon and baz are exes, but simon needs baz's help..... really lovely, unusual, interesting and moving fic! i really like how it uses this inciting incident to let baz be kind (that's for me, the most important thing about them being together) and encourage the two of them to have the conversation they should have had a long time ago. works so well.

Trapped by @you-remind-me-of-the-babe based on art by taken_aback_by_Tuesdays,

penny/shepard get together, no snowbaz involved! this fic is criminally unread, because ... it's not snowbaz, but it is BRILLIANT. amazing penny and shepard characterisation, and it's so fun to see them get together a different way... that also involves her saving him.

Explicit

This Will All Go Down In Flames by @facewithoutheart with art by @tea-brigade, 11/17 chapters, 40k, WIP (no sex yet, RIP)

obsessed with this fic right now! band AU where simon and baz briefly bacame friends at school, then became incredibly successful musicians before the band broke up... because simon and baz couldn't communicate about how they fancied each other. it's great! fun, funny, social media stuff, a malcolm trying to be down with the kids, texas references, shepard being a reporter - highly recommend.

Crosse My Heart by @creepyspice with art by @cutestkilla, 5k, brobelove not snowbaz

omg, this fic is so good. seriously - even if you dont think you're into brobelove, you should read this, as i dont believe you could like snowbaz if you don't like the competitive snarky action this fic has in spades, but also if you like brobelove, my god you should read this! such amazing characterisation and super sexy.

Here in the Dark by @artsyunderstudy, 5k

love this middle of the night sex - i'm repeating my comment here, but the whole mood is perfect: confused and dreamlike, you're locked out of baz's POV, entirely in simon's and it works so well for the mood. plus, it's sexy AND there's amazing art to go with it.

Two Heads Are Better Than One by @skeedelvee, 22k

omg, i am obsessed with this fic. it's so deeply strange (simon and baz share the same body, due to - magickal mishap!) AND SO AMAZING AND SEXY. and also romantic and fun. proper enemies to to friends to lovers action, a fantastic scene where simon and baz watch baz's vanilla porn, a bit where they defeat a unicorn together, sex as one person, sex as two people - it's got it all.

*if you're not in this discord, but you'd like to be, this is the link to get in: https://discord.gg/FJ8meVhr

that's enough - i've got more i should rec, but i'll do another post later.

101 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

Thought it was time to bring this back.

Discord is a chat room. This is a chat room about Carry On, etc.

Not the only one, but one of the biggest (there are 200+ members). The Discord has:

a strong, active moderator team, who make sure this is a safe space (not me, I’m just a helper)

adult-only areas, and a policy that NSFW stuff is not shared outside of these spaces

places to talk about and share fic, art, meta, fan theories, memes, etc

virtual outings, like fic readings

custom emojis

It’s very nice.

This link will get you in: https://discord.gg/8yZvQK7k

(it expires in 7 days, so 6th May 2022, but feel free to message me if you see this post and the link’s expired)

You will have to introduce yourself before you’re given access to the server proper, although you don’t have to talk after that, if you don’t want to. You can just quietly vibe. Alternately, you can talk a lot and that’s fine too!

You will also have to sign up to the code of conduct.

If you have trouble getting in/speaking once you’re in, it could be because you haven’t verified your Discord account. There’s a clear prompt on desktop, but not on mobile.

I can confirm I checked with the mod team before making this post. It’s kosher.

Please share this post, if you want to.

108 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

AU - Canon Divergence Recs

i couldn't think of a good title for this, but basically there have been a few fics recently where i thought: not only is this a great fic, but also this is something i think we could see more in other fics.

basically, they all do a thing that is a good tool to make new fics with. and they're all good fun. here we go:

Eighth Year AU but with Mage-mission

Shiver (rated E) by @facewithoutheart and, yeah, ok me - but not really

for me, an eighth year fic should be about baz being gone/the coffin, magic sharing (with simon and baz much more likely, therefore to be interested in each other quicker), or the plot events of carry on - this one does that. BUT ALSO the plot is driven by simon going on a quest for the mage, which is a classic seventh year trope. cool! (and not my idea)

Post Watford Get Together with Magickal Mishap

Come As You Are (rated E) by @facewithoutheart who sponsored this video

how genius is this? they've left watford, so they've both moved on but magickal mishap happens to simon and that's the plot instigator. simple, but genius.

Genuine new past for Simon and Baz, makes them the same but different

I Know What You Are (rated T) by @martsonmars

ok, other fics have done this too, but i really like this fic and i think the way it does this thing is perfect. simon's grown up with the mage and lucy as his parents; baz has been raised by natasha and malcolm. as a result, when we meet them in eighth year they have completely different histories. it's not only the way they interact with each other that's different, they're both much more confident, have different friends. they really are different people, but the same.

Carry On universe but no Watford

Pretty in Pink (rated T) by @arca9

i was re-reading this one (fake dating heist, love it!) the other day and thinking - this is pretty unique! baz and simon work for the coven, but only just met each other when they became partners, there's no watford. but they use the magic system - it's just a really fun view on what's necessary for your AU to work.

112 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Top 10 SnowBaz fics

I was talking earlier about how 'What's Left' is one of my top 10, which it is. obviously that made me think.... what are the rest?

i think it's probably instinctively these, these ones that influence me the most/that i've re-read the most/that i most wish i could have written, although i had to delete some real favs to get down to 10, and limited myself to one fic per author. and excluded 'your bloodied mouth' as it ain't finished, but kept 'northern downpour' as i believe it will be.

almost all canon divergence, most have plot and sex.

5 Times They Half-Arsed It by @krisrix

Bound and Determined by @fatalfangirl

Golden Years by @basic-banshee

keep on keeping on by waveydnp

In A Bind by @im-gettingby

Northern Downpour by @scone-lover

Remember the Magic by @sharkmartini

There'll Be Peace When You Are Done by somekindofpath

What's Left by @cutestkilla

When the Bells Ring by @phoxphyre

360 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #carry on #fic rec #personal #aralias's baby #pregnancy #i realised replying to comments on this post that i tried not to tag people into my actual post #becuase i didnt want to force anyone to have to read my personal stuff #and this post tags SO MANY PEOPLE #because it's full of recs #hey ho #sorry about that!

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likelightinglass · 9 months

Text

Fic Stats Tag Game

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Thanks for the tag @danpuff-ao3 this looks fun!

Most Hits

In which Severus is stressed and needs Daddy to treat him like a dumb little cumdump. We're both gay and obsessed with tender, intimate kink; moved, we wrote this fanfic

Summary:

Severus spends a morning serving Daddy like a proper little cockslut, since that's what he's good at. Lucky for him, Daddy loves him that way.

Yeah I see all you perverts out there. So many hits on this one and comparitvely so few comments and kudos--and twice as many private bookmarks as public!

I think this may be the fic of mine people seem most ashamed to have read. But I hope people enjoyed it nonetheless haha.

This was so fun to write and it was a hoot to explore some very niche kinks. It was a blast to cowrite with the wonderful alhaz and that excellent naming convention was my crazy idea. I still get such a kick out of it whenever I see it.

Second Most Kudos

World Enough, and Time

Summary:

Soulmate clocks start ticking when you first lock eyes, and count down until your time with them is over. Harry’s starts ticking on September 1st, 1991. He has only six years, eight months, and one day.

This is secretly my favorite fic. I wrote it all at once stream of consciousness style while out shopping. This fic brought to you by eating fast food in my car in a parking lot.

I love the soulmate trope and I loved this take on it. And I am quite pleased with myself that I took the angst and managed a happy ending anyway!

This one had a recent popularity spike due to the amazing podfic by Cailynwrites!!! I am so grateful for it.

Third Most Comments

What Comes Next (and How to Like it)

Summary:

A choose your own adventure fic!

You are Severus Snape. You survived against all odds, and now it's time to take life into your own hands. What will you do with this gift of a second chance, and how will you find your happy ending?

Your happy ending is pretty much always Harry Potter, but there's so many fun ways to get there.

I was so inspired by @lizzy0305 's Choices that I just had to write my own choose your own adventure fic. I am so insanely proud of this one although the plotting was a bear haha. It was very fun writing basically a bunch of mini fics and using so many different tropes. And I got to give Severus over a dozen different happy endings. It's what he deserves.

I feel like this one doesnt get as much love--maybe the interactive nature of it can be off putting? But its one of my favorite things that I have ever wrote and the fic i tend to self rec the most. Most of the comments on this are telling me what their favorite endong was and its so nice to see! Especially since several have been recieved unexpectedly.

Fourth Most Bookmarks

So actually World Enough, and Time again but it is SO CLOSE to More Than Dark, I'm cheating a tiny bit in order to pimp this one out

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31757209/chapters/78608503

More Than Dark

Summary:

Severus is imprisoned in solitary confinement in Azkaban with no idea of who won the war. He is ill, underfed, and slowly losing his mind.

When Harry eventually takes him in and nurses him back to health, he can scarcely believe it's real.

My white whale. My magnum opus. My only published WiP. It haunts me every day that it remains unfinished. I promise its not abandoned, I love it so much and I've written and outlined so much of it but its going to be novel length (in a thousand years when its done) and its been over a year since the last update. I am pouring my heart and soul into this one and its jjst taking a really. Really. Really long time. But if anyone likes WiPs, please try it. I think its one of my best.

Fifth Most Words

Sly and Songful

Summary:

One of the those animagus fics, in which our heroes would rather secretly spy and pine instead of just have an honest conversation.

But where would the fun in that be?

Everyone lives AU, in which you will encounter birds, foxes, pining, stubbornness, falling in love, and scars.

This was one of my first ever fics and it was a birthday present for the magnificent @bleedcolor .

I loved working on this and feeling like I was finally writing a "real" fic with a plot and everything. Its got nightingale animagus Harry and fox animagus Snape and gnarly scars and its very soft and probably a little out of character and amateur but I love it very much.

Theres also a sequel to this, A kind of love called maintenance that I am particularly proud of.

I also commissioned art of this one from Madfantasy! I will reblog it now so it appears right above :)

Fic with the Least Words

AITA for not going down on my boyfriend?

Summary:

Severus takes to the internet to determine if he is, in fact, the asshole.

This was inspired by my obsession with Reddit's Am I the Asshole? And a conversation with Zalil after her spectacular fic where we agreed her fic's Severus was an incredibly selfish lover. It still makes me laugh, I added a couple "in charachter" comments and encouraged others to do so, got some hilarious ones back! If anyone reads this, please comment in the style of AITA hahah.

Tagging: @bleedcolor @perverse-idyll @coconutice22 @givereadersahug @lizzy0305 and absolutely anyone else who wants to!!!

#snarry #fic ask game

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astorytotellyourfriends · 6 months

Text

annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2023.

i. Optional if applicable: link to last year’s self-evaluation

1. List of works published this year (in the order that they were posted):

as per usual that list is too long for this post so here's my 2023 fic roundup

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

far and away it has to be before i bury you purely because it was 1. SUCH an endeavor to begin with, and 2. so unbelievably different from anything i've written before. like, the criminal minds au was me dipping my toe into the pool of horror/suspense, and this fic was diving in headfirst. and i know it's not everyone's cup of tea (or most people's, tbh) but i've been so pleased with the reactions of those who have read it and i'm so, so thankful for it 💛 (honorable mentions to always have & i always will and a tender age, tho)

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

it's not that i'm not proud of it but a fic that's been hanging over my head all year is if the fates allow because god i hate that it's almost been a year since i updated it and I'VE BEEN TRYING to work on it but my brain just refuses to focus on it! i'm really hoping to finish it soon, though (and the gd pirate au too UGH).

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

man am i glad i did an ask meme like a week ago that asked this question so i can snag an answer from that rather than spending 3 hours combing through my fics lol

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

lmfao @cyraclove left this one on a snippet of the onlyfans au i sent her and it's my favorite thing ever

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

there's been a few instances of that over the last year but no specific events immediately come to mind. it seems to come and go in waves for me and all i can do is just ride it out and hope my inspiration comes back.

7. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

ok like i swear to god i never thought i would write omegaverse and yet a tender age happened and it basically came pouring out of me and onto the page so like?? what the hell was that??? (also no i have not forgotten i promised a sequel, it's percolating i promise)

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i tried new genres!! i really enjoyed the writing process!! (even if it made me absolutely insane at times)

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i've said this a billion times before but i think next year i want to try writing original stuff alongside fic. idk if i'll finish a whole novel or what, but i'd at least like to start something.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

my friends 💛

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

not that i can think of but i did actually let my sister read some of my stuff and she told me that i have a lot of ust in my writing and (yes this is weird but she's my sister and i know she means well) that she wished i had an outlet for it irl so like. i guess that's something?

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

i always say the same goddamn thing and today i saw a post that really encapsulated that so i'm just going to copy it here:

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

as per usual, so many. i've got a bunch half-started already that i haven't shared yet and i'm really hoping to be able to get them Mostly Finished before i start posting them, so keep your fingers crossed and an eye out 👀

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

@cyraclove, @medusasfinalgirl, @staceymcgillicuddy (and anybody else who would like to do this, i'm tagging u)

#annual self evaluation #about my fic

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tweetsongs · 1 year

Text

Transmigrating into the Reborn Male Lead’s Ex-Boyfriend Chapter 153

next chapter

so. funny story. i started reading this fun little webnovel, only to find out halfway through that the translation hadn't been updated in about a year, and there were only three untranslated chapters left.

me, a consumate completionist: oh, i think i could handle that!

please keep in mind that this is a translation by someone who hasn't read chinese since they were *checks notes* seven years old, and is completely unedited. the goal of this was mostly to have something more readable than the mtl. when the CG translation group updates i'll link to them instead since i'm sure i missed a ton of nuance/got a bunch of stuff wrong.

you can find chapters 1-152 here! be sure to send love to the og translators

anyways for anyone else foaming to know what happened to sxh and xym and their ridiculous love story here's chapter 153.

Except for his greeting at the very beginning, Xue Mian did not speak to Song Xuanhe again.

He constantly stayed quietly by Master McPhail’s side, occasionally laughing gently and speaking very little, like he had already left the entertainment circle. His beauty and gentle manner led many people to gaze over at him, lingering for a few moments.

It was obvious that Master McPhail was also fond of him, often pausing during his conversations to turn to Xue Mian to explain bits of complicated terminology without concealing the fond look in his eyes. Because of this, everyone present could see that Master McPhail liked his companion very much.

Master McPhail had always been known as a master jewelry craftsman with an independent personality, who rarely invested in or cooperated with others professionally. The fact that he came with the Xue family this time already surprised many people, and their surprise only grew as they saw how happy he looked with the Xue family heir.

These masters at the apex of the design industry weren’t the types to be concerned about any treasured heirs from some bigshot family, but if the person in question was a child that their friend looked fondly upon- well, that was a different matter.

In a matter of moments, the majority of the banquet guests were looking towards Xue Mian’s gentle expression.

Song Xuanhe observed all of this. Rather than grabbing a seat at a banquet table to talk with anyone, he sat by a window silently, sipping his tea as he thought.

This banquet was something that he dreamed of, to the point that at the beginning, he already had several designs for outfits and had talked to several of his peers and Feng Tong about his thoughts and creative visions for his debut. Normally, Song Xuanhe would be ecstatic to be able to talk shop with these like-minded people.

However, for a few days now, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of foreboding.

He didn’t know why, but he constantly felt a sense of unease in the pit of his stomach, and found it difficult to calm himself down.

He couldn’t shake off the memory of the vague words that Xiao Yuanmu had said at lunch that day, and the strange expression on his face after he talked with Xiao Lin. He could tell that these things were connected, but no matter how he tried to connect the dots in his mind, he couldn’t string together the clues into a single answer.

“Mr. Song.”

A voice spoke by his ear. Song Xuanhe lifted his eyes to an unfamiliar face.

The person approaching laughed, and lifted a finger to point at a table in the middle of the room. They spoke in a soft voice: “I heard that you snatched up Master McPhail’s cufflinks, and now he wants to look for you.”

Song Xuanhe followed his pointed finger and, sure enough, he saw the smiling Master McPhail. Not only that, beside him were other familiar faces: not only Xue Mian, but also Feng Tong, Bai Mo, and Jiang Deyi.

“Did you bring the cufflinks?” The person swept their gaze over Song Xuanhe’s sleeve. When he didn’t see anything, he continued: “My friend, you were able to attend Master McPhail’s banquet because of those cufflinks. If you are not wearing those cufflinks, it might seem like you’re not respecting the host.”

Song Xuanhe acknowledged the good advice, giving his thanks with a composed expression. He then said: “The cufflinks are currently with the person that are best suited for them. I believe that Master McPhail understands that.”

The person nodded. “Once Master McPhail speaks to you, I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Song Xuanhe put down the tea in his hand and began to walk towards where Master McPhail was. The closer he got, the more he was able to see the mood of the cluster of people there. The corner of his smile deepened as he came to stop beside Master McPhail.

“Hello, Mr. Song,” Master McPhail gestured for him to sit, then said laughingly: “I heard that it was you who bought my cufflinks. I won’t lie- out of everything I’ve made in my life, those cufflinks are the things I’m most proud of. When I first agreed to participate in the option, I was very conflicted. But now, looking at you, I think that they’ve found a pretty good owner.”

The corners of Song Xuanhe’s eyes turned up, his gaze clear and limpid. Looking into his eyes, his sincere admiration and respect was obvious. “Out of all the things I’ve bought for my collections, these cufflinks are my favorite.”

Master McPhail’s face grew happier at the words, and he said: “Then, child, would you allow me to meet those cufflinks one last time for a goodbye?”

Song Xuanhe ran the corner of his gaze across Feng Tong’s worried face, as well as the frowns that Xue Mian, Jiang Deyi, and Bai Mo couldn’t quite hide from their eyes. He then smiled and said, shaking his head: “I’m afraid not, Master McPhail. I’m not currently wearing those cufflinks.”

“How strange that something Mr. Song loves and treasures so much wouldn’t be worn to the banquet hosted by our host,” Bai Mo said, smiling. “I imagine that there was some sort of misunderstanding that made you forget about them, or that they aren’t suited to the outfit you coordinated for today. There must be many reasons for something like this happening.”

Master McPhail’s smile didn’t change, as if he hadn’t heard what Bai Mo said. Instead, he continued to smile at Song Xuanhe and asked: “May I know the reason, child?”

Song Xuanhe nodded, his eyes crinkling upwards slightly. His eyes were shining as if they were filled with diamonds, sparkling with fragments of light. He said: “Right now, those cufflinks are on the person I love most in the world. He likes them very much.”

Master McPhail fell silent for a few moments, before raising his hand to pat Song Xuanhe’s arm. “I hope that the person wearing those cufflinks will be able to receive the blessing that I gave them when I was making them.”

“What kind of blessing?” Song Xuanhe asked.

“A love that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.” Master McPhail smiled again, eyes fond. “I’ll give this blessing to you as well.”

Song Xuanhe wasn’t sure why, but he felt a tingling behind his nose. He dipped his head and said: “Thank you for your blessings.”

Master McPhail patted his arm again, and moved his eyes to the manuscripts he was holding. “I noticed your design manuscripts earlier. If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind if I took a look?”

Song Xuanhe’s distracted gaze caught Feng Tong’s excited and nervous look, as if Feng Tong were afraid that Song Xuanhe would reject his offer. He urged him with his eyes to quickly accept.

“Of course you can.” Feng Tong was overreacting. There was no way that Song Xuanhe could reject the chance for Master McPhail to critique him.

Master McPhail took the manuscripts and looked over them, eyes bright and expression happy. As he began to speak, he paused and looked over to the rest of the people with him, saying: “If these gentlemen don’t mind, I’d like to speak with Mr. Song alone.”

Xue Mian laughed a little. “As it turns out, I was just thinking of going to grab a drink. Does anyone want to come with me?”

Feng Tong responded immediately that he would go. Bai Mo and Jiang Deyi looked at each other, then glanced at Song Xuanhe coldly before leaving as well.

Actually, this banquet was meant to be an open place to critique, with many design manuscripts piled on tables as people around them discussed them. There was no need to send anyone away.

That’s why, when everyone began to walk away, Song Xuanhe looked warily at Master McPhail. He smiled back without explaining, and instead began to ask him about his inspirations.

“I saw a video of your first show and your designs are inventive and clever, especially your use of color. However, these designs seem to be a bit different from the ones I saw before. Can you tell me about that?”

Song Xuanhe pulled back his train of thought, and began to discuss with Master McPhail. The discussion stretched into the night, the two never seeming to run out of energy. As they spoke, Master McPhail even pulled over some old friends to introduce them to him. One of them was a designer for a popular international luxury brand, and they were very interested in Song Xuanhe’s designs, exchanging contact information with him.

Until the end of the party, Song Xuanhe took full advantage of his time.

As dinnertime drew closer, people began to leave one by one. Master McPhail kept a few of his old friends around to have dinner with him. Because of their lively discussion, Song Xuanhe was also invited to stay, but he chose to tactfully refuse the invitation.

Xue Mian, hearing this, looked at him in surprise. Before, he had seen Song Xuanhe’s involvement in the design industry as a frivolous gamble. After this afternoon, he had to change his mind. He saw now that Song Xuanhe really did have talent in design, to the point where Master McPhail acknowledged his skills. Song Xuanhe himself seemed to genuinely treasure this opportunity as well, so when Master McPhail invited him, Xue Mian thought that he would definitely join them.

Even if Xiao Yuanmu returned today, Xue Mian had thought that there would be plenty of things that Song Xuanhe prioritized over him.

Once again, he was proven wrong.

Song Xuanhe explained: “It’s because of the person I bought the cufflinks for. We haven’t seen each other in thirty-two hours, so I can’t help but want to meet him now.”

At his answer, Master McPhail smiled at him, and the people around him looked at him affectionately as well. The eagerness of young love always made other people feel fond.

Master McPhail answered: “Then I wish you a wonderful evening.”

Song Xuanhe began to leave, but Xue Mian called out to him as he was walking away. He was surprised, but stopped walking.

Xue Mian caught up to him and gestured to another table to the side: “Why don’t we have a chat?”

“I don’t think that we’re close enough for that involved of a chat,” Song Xuanhe rejected. “But I will thank you for today.”

The invitation that Master McPhail extended towards Song Xuanhe was because of Xue Mian. Song Xuanhe knew that his sense of design was good, and his conversation that afternoon was very genial, but he wasn’t conceited enough to believe that one afternoon of talking was enough to receive special attention from someone like Master McPhail, who must’ve seen countless clever, talented newcomers before him.

Besides, Master McPhail made no mention of him staying for dinner during their discussion, only extending the invitation after Xue Mian whispered something to him.

“Don’t thank me,” Xue Mian said. “Master McPhail already liked you. I only gave him a little suggestion. Besides, I have my own reasons as well.”

Song Xuanhe looked at him, neither asking nor speaking.

The corner of Xue Mian’s lip flattened, and he looked away. “You have deeper feelings for Xiao Yuanmu than I had imagined, but have you ever thought about how long the two of you can go on for?”

“That’s our business,” Song Xuanhe said indifferently.

“Of course,” Xue Mian laughed, a hint of mocking in his tone. “This was never my business. Don’t worry, I’ve already thought it through to my decision.”

“Is your decision that you can’t bother us?” Song Xuanhe looked at the time, then turned and said: “If there’s nothing else, then I’ll be going first.”

Xue Mian called to his back: “Do you know why Xiao Yuanmu left the country?”

Song Xuanhe’s steps paused. “I’ll find out tonight.”

Xue Mian laughed sharply, his eyes bitter and regretful. “I don’t think you will.”

“Why?”

Song Xuanhe turned around suddenly, watching his shadow as he left.

After he returned, the bad feeling Song Xuanhe was having grew heavier on his chest. He habitually turned to look at the clock, eyes tracking the ticking of the hands. The corners of his lips kept flattening, tense.

The time slowly slipped from five to seven, the sky turning from blue to grey. The neon lamps in the city slowly began to brighten, casting the darkening streets back into light.

[Xiao Yuanmu is back.]

The sound of the system in his mind was abrupt, making Song Xuanhe startle out of his blank look. He looked at the clock- it was seven twenty-five.

At the same time as the system, Xiao Huang suddenly raised his head, ears pricking up as he looked towards the door. A second later, his tail began to wag, and he ran towards the door enthusiastically.

The sound of the elevator rang out, and the sound of the elevator door opening preceded the sound of leather against the floor, ringing out in tandem with the sound of Xiao Huang’s paws against the floor.

Song Xuanhe looked up, his eyes meeting Xiao Yuanmu’s across from him.

“I’m home.” Xiao Yuanmu looked down slightly, face slightly pale and laugh soft and slightly warm.

Song Xuanhe stood up and walked over, first sweeping his eyes over his figure, quietly releasing a breath, the heartbeat that was picking up in pace finally slowing again. Smiling, he said: “Have you eaten dinner?”

Xiao Yuanmu looked back. “I bought groceries.”

Yang Jie came in as well, giving Song Xuanhe a greeting before turning to go into the kitchen. He put down the groceries before silently looking at Xian Yuanmu.

“Go.” Xiao Yuanmu glanced at him, speaking mildly.

Yang Jie gaped at him, mouth moving as if he wanted to say something. Ultimately, he didn’t speak, bending to give Xiao Huang a pat before leaving.

There was something streaking through Song Xuanhe’s heart. His lips hooked up as he said: “Did Yang Jie do something wrong? Why is he scuttering in and out without even glancing at me?”

“I’m thinking of having him transfer back to China,” Xiao Yuanmu took off his cufflinks, carefully putting them away. “He doesn’t want to.”

“Why?” Song Xuanhe followed him into the kitchen, Xiao Huang following behind. “His family should still be in China.”

“En,” Xiao Yuanmu paused while rolling up his sleeves, eyes moving to the bags of groceries where Song Xuanhe stood. His eyes were dark as they looked, tugging his sleeves downwards as he spoke calmly. “His mom is living alone in China.”

“But Yang Jie left, who’s taking over for him?” Song Xuanhe asked.

“Right now, it’s temporarily Qiao,” Xiao Yuanmu replied.

The hand that Song Xuanhe was using to put the groceries in the fridge froze for a moment, then he closed the fridge door and turned to meet Xiao Yuanmu’s eyes. “Are you hiding something from me?”

“What kind of thing?”

“When you went back to China this time, was it for the Xiao family?” Song Xuanhe grabbed Xiao Yuanmu’s hand, using it to pull him away from the kitchen towards the study. “Let’s talk for a bit.”

Xiao Yuanmu allowed himself to be pulled miserably, following obediently behind with a downcast gaze. After they entered the study, Song Xuanhe closed the door behind them, letting go of his hand.

“You said before that you wouldn’t lie to me,” Song Xuanhe looked at Xiao Yuanmu. “I believe you.”

The hand that Xiao Yuanmu let fall back to his side clenched and unclenched, He rolled up his sleeve, revealing a sturdy arm.

Song Xuanhe’s eyes fell on that arm, then moved away. “Xiao Yuanmu. Why exactly did you go back to China this time?”

“Some private business.”

“About what?” Song Xuanhe asked. “If it’s private, why didn't you let me know that beforehand?”

Xiao Yuanmu moved forward to hold Song Xuanhe, his chin resting on his shoulder. “I’m very tired.”

Song Xuanhe paused, the words bubbling up his throat swallowed back again as he lifted his hands to curl around Xiao Yuanmu’s waist.

“Once it’s the right time, I’ll tell you everything.” Xiao Yuanmu pressed his face deeper into Song Xuanhe’s shoulder, voice muffled. “Can you...not ask me anything right now?”

After ten or so seconds of silence, Song Xuanhe replied: “Okay.”

Xiao Yuanmu returned to the kitchen to make dinner, hands moving like usual. For once, Song Xuanhe had little appetite.

“How was Master McPhail’s banquet?” Xiao Yuanmu asked, putting down his chopsticks to ask.

“Not bad,” Song Xuanhe got up and went to the living room, bringing back his design manuscripts for Xiao Yuanmu to look at. “These are the drafts that I was busy making for the past few days. The details haven’t been finalized yet, but the basic idea and the measurements should be fine. Master McPhail really liked this outfit.”

Xiao Yuanmu looked at the designs. “When can these be made?”

“Maybe for the fall or winter lines?” Song Xuanhe said, unsure. “Or even later. I’ve already made my fall and winter lines, and these don’t quite match the same mood. It might be a bit hard to integrate these in the lines. By the time it goes into production, it might be quite a bit after.”

“Were these designed for me?” Xiao Yuanmu looked at Song Xuanhe.

Song Yuanhe looked down. “Everything I’ve designed has been for you.”

Xiao Yuanmu looked at him with an adoration that couldn’t be hidden, his lips tilting upwards helplessly. “I want this outfit. There’s nothing like it. Make it for me. Can you make it before next week?”

Song Xuanhe frowned. “It’ll be a bit too warm to wear this outfit in this kind of weather.”

“It’ll get cooler soon.” Xiao Yuanmu looked at Song Xuanhe.

Song Xuanhe gave in. “You’re lucky that I’m not as busy now. I don’t have any materials or machines to make it, though.”

“I can get someone to send things over.”

Xiao Yuanmu kept his word. After getting Song Xuanhe to let him know everything that he would need, he got everything sent over to their apartment within a day’s time.

Not only that, but even with the apartment having empty rooms, Xiao Yuanmu still insisted on clearing out space in the study for Song Xuanhe to work in instead. The study was large enough that after a bit of cleaning, it didn’t feel crowded with the two of them working together at all.

The side of the room facing the shining french windows was originally where Xiao Yuanmu worked, but now it had become Song Xuanhe’s workspace. Xiao Yuanmu instead moved all his work over to one side, so that the two of them could feel comfortable working in tandem.

After the renovation, Xiao Yuanmu didn’t go back to his office. He was still as busy as ever, spending upwards of fifteen hours every day in the study. The only difference now was that whenever he looked up, he could see Song Xuanhe on the other side of the room, drawing and sewing with single-minded focus.

Three days passed in a flash, and Song Xuanhe found himself acclimating to the new normal, sharing a space with Xiao Yuanmu, each working on their own in the same room as the day passes.

One day, however, a sudden stream of people began to flow in and out of the apartment, one after another. Because they had never met before, Song Xuanhe politely greeted them, and Xiao Yuanmu made introductions, occasionally interrupting Song Xuanhe’s work.

After meeting Xiao Yuanmu’s financial advisor, lawyer, and doctor, Song Xuanhe couldn’t resist opening his mouth: “Why are all these people swarming in at once? Did they all agree to descend at the same time?”

“I am taking over the Xiao family,” Xiao Yuanmu’s lip lifted slightly, and he ran his hand over Song Xuanhe’s hair as if to pacify him. “I still had people from the Xiao family who want to leave and talk to me. I haven’t been going into the office, so of course they’ll have to come here.”

“Even your-”

Song Xuanhe was interrupted as Yang Jie knocked on the door. “Xiao-ge, Song-shao, Mr. Zhang is here.”

Ever since Xiao Yuanmu began to work from home, Yang Jie also worked in the apartment with him. Usually he worked from either the living room or another room, but today he acted more like a butler, escorting guests in and out of the house.

“Let him in,” Xiao Yuanmu said, smiling at Song Xuanhe as he spoke.

Zhang Siwei walked in, giving a smile and greeting to Song Xuanhe before saying: “I heard it’s been busy around here.”

“Just cleaning house,” Xiao Yuanmu said indifferently.

“Makes sense,” Zhang Siwei went over to the sofa and sat down, eyes catching on Song Xuanhe’s work area with interest. “Song-shao, are those your new designs? They look pretty good. As a close acquaintance, may I order a set in advance?”

“No.” Xiao Yuanmu rejected him flatly. “These designs were made for me. There’s only one set in the world, and only I can wear them.”

Zhang Siwei raised an eyebrow, noticing the pride behind Xiao Yuanmu’s fathomless eyes. He smiled and said: “I see, something like that can only be given to you. Let’s talk business, then.”

Xiao Yuanmu nodded, walking to sit across from him. The two pulled out their laptops and began to speak quietly. Song Xuanhe turned his gaze back to his work, focusing.

Like this, the days passed. The system inside of Song Xuanhe’s mind counted down. In this period of time, there really were quite a few people that came to visit their apartment. This lasted for three days, before their apartment returned to its usual quiet.

Without Yang Jie knocking on their door periodically, without the sound of soft conversation across the room, Song Xuanhe was surprised to actually feel disquieted for a moment. However, after a bit of time, he fell back into the rhythm of his work.

The outfit that he’s been working on for a week had finally come together. It still needed some final detailing, but after that it would be ready to wear.

Song Xuanhe looked up at Xiao Yuanmu, who was signing a document. Feeling his gaze, Xiao Yuanmu looked up as well, smiling softly at him before looking back and flipping to another document.

“You’ve had to sign a lot of these lately, huh,” Song Xuanhe put down the button in his hand. “Has Louis been slacking off and sending all of his stuff to you?”

“Louis is signing even more documents than I am,” Xiao Yuanhe paused in the middle of writing something before starting again, lightly flipping a page. “It’s been busy lately.”

Song Xuanhe nodded. He knew that it was busy lately. Compared to before he went on the business trip, he was even busier working at home. Xiao Yuanmu didn’t have much time to relax, either. Nowadays, he was barely sleeping five hours a day before going back to work.

Hopefully it’ll slow down soon. Song Xuanhe looked away again, thinking to himself.

Engrossed in his work, it was easy to forget the time. By the time he found himself cutting his final thread, the morning had already passed. He looked at the completed outfit, nodding to himself with satisfaction. He turned towards Xiao Yuanmu: “I’m done with the outfit, do you want to try it on to see how it fits?”

There was no answering voice behind him. Song Xuanhe thought at first that Xiao Yuanmu was too engrossed in his work to answer, and turned to look at him.

Xiao Yuanmu was half-sprawled on the table, looking collapsed with exhaustion.

Song Xuanhe put down the clothes in his hands and walked over to the sofa, grabbing a blanket to lay over Xiao Yuanmu, eyes soft and sad.

Xiao Yuanmu really had been worked to the bone lately. Not only was the already enormous Xiao family expanding their business, but there was also the whole issue with Lady Xiao and Xiao Baicong. It must’ve been a lot of pressure on him.

Song Xuanhe brushed away the longer strands of hair that fell over his face, lightly touching his forehead. It was a little warmer than usual. There was a light wrinkle between his eyebrows. He prepared to try waking him again when he noticed the open document out of the corner of his eye.

Contract of Property Transfer - First Party: Xiao Yuanmu

He pulled the document from his hand. Before he could take a look, the system sounded in his mind: [Xiao Yuanmu is not doing well right now! He’s not asleep, he’s unconscious- you should send him to the hospital immediately.]

“Give him a full-body checkup.” Song Xuanhe immediately put down the document in his hand, placing it on Xiao Yuanmu’s forehead. It felt scalding hot. His hand began to tremble, and his heart began to thud violently with unease. He pulled out his phone with one hand to call Yu Yan, while the other kept gently shaking Xiao Yuanmu while he called his name. Xiao Yuanmu didn’t twitch.

Yu Yan picked up the phone quickly, the phone barely ringing before his voice answered: “Mr. Song? Is something wrong?”

“Xiao Yuanmu is running a fever, and he looks very unwell. Where should I bring him?”

“Wait!” Yu Yan pushed off Zhou Nan’s hand, getting up and going to his landline. Dialing the landline with one hand, he kept speaking to Song Xuanhe. “I’m going to send over some people to get you and Chief Xiao immediately. Are you two in your apartment right now?”

“Yes.”

“Please wait a little longer, they should be there in around ten minutes. In the meantime, try to bring down Chief Xiao’s fever as much as you can, but be careful not to let him catch a chill. Is that alright?”

Song Xuanhe hung up the phone and called Yang Jie.

Yang Jie had a key to Xiao Yuanmu’s apartment. Not two minutes after Song Xuanhe called, he was running into the apartment. When he saw the figure lying on the sofa and recognized Xiao Yuanmu’s face, his face turned pale in an instant.

Song Xuanhe was holding a towel soaked with cold water, and looked up to see the expression on Yang Jie’s face. He couldn’t bring himself to ask about it, instead immediately turning back to Xiao Yuanmu’s condition.

“Song-shao...” Yang Jie asked. “Did you call the hospital? Who did you call? You can’t have called a public ambulance, right?”

“No,” Song Xuanhe said. “I called Yu Yan.”

Yang Jie let out a breath. Looking at Song Xuanhe’s taut face, he opened his mouth a few times, but when he saw Xiao Yuanmu’s unconscious body out of the corner of his eye, he could only close his mouth tightly.

Yu Yan had given them a time bracket of ten minutes, but after seven minutes, the people he called for already arrived. They were very prepared, and the moment Xiao Yuanmu was loaded into the car they were already checking him over.

Song Xuanhe sat beside him, looking with a tense expression as the doctors looked over Xiao Yuanmu. The car slowly pulled out of the quiet streets into the city.

“Where are we going?” Song Xuanhe looked away from Xiao Yuanmu towards Yu Yan to ask. “I don’t remember any hospitals in this direction, and the Xiao family private hospital isn’t in this direction either.”

In the face of Song Xuanhe’s interrogation, Yu Yan remained calm. “The Xiao family can’t find out about Chief Xiao’s current condition. Right now we’re going towards a hospital that Chief Xiao personally invested in- to be more accurate, it should be called a long-term care clinic, Xiao-ge’s private clinic. Still, the facility is up-to-date, and the equipment is better maintained than many private hospitals. You don’t need to worry.”

Song Xuanhe didn’t actually suspect Yu Yan of anything. Even if he didn’t trust Yu Yan himself, the fact that Yang Jie didn’t say anything about this meant that it was something that he had known about. It was just that he had never heard Xiao Yuanmu mention investing in any long-term care clinics, let alone building any private hospitals in said clinic.

Thinking about this, Song Xuanhe felt his heart grow heavier, and his expression became clouded. He hoped that the right time that Xiao Yuanmu had promised him to tell him about everything would be, in fact, the right time.

The car was very quick and efficient. Not thirty minutes had passed before they were driving into a place that was remote, but really looked to have the facilities that even top-notch private hospitals couldn’t compare to.

Song Xuanhe didn’t pay attention to his surroundings, quickly following Yu Yan into a private building. The doctors pushed Xiao Yuanmu into a private room to look him over. Yu Yan stayed at the door, and Song Xuanhe and Yang Jie waited together.

Finally, Song Xuanhe was able to exhale a little. He turned to Yang Jie: “Is Xiao Yuanmu hiding something from me? Or rather, are you and Xiao Yuanmu working together to hide something from me?”

Yang Jie pursed his lips, not looking into Song Xuanhe’s eyes. “Xiao-ge...he said that he would tell you.”

“When you left the country before, what exactly was that for?” The smell of disinfectant in the air made Song Xuanhe feel more tense. His expression became colder, and his voice also lowered as he said: “Tell me.”

Yang Jie avoided his gaze, pressing his mouth even more tightly together before saying: “I can’t tell you, Song-shao. Wait until Xiao-ge wakes up, and he’ll tell you himself.”

Seeing his evasiveness, Song Xuanhe had to take a deep breath to press down his temper. He asked the system: [What condition is Xiao Yuanmu’s body in?]

[It’s complicated,] The system said. [I need some more time to get a more accurate result.]

Song Xuanhe furrowed his brows. [Shouldn’t your technology be more advanced than the technology of this time? Why do you need so long just to check his body?]

[When you finished your mission, many of my functions became limited,] the system said. [My physical scanning system is also not as advanced as before, sorry.]

Hearing the system’s apology, Song Xuanhe felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on him, forcing him to calm.

[You don’t have to apologize,] Song Xuanhe rubbed his temple, walking to a sofa against the wall and sitting down. Putting his head in his hands, he said: [I was scared and lost my cool. I should be the one apologizing to you. Sorry.]

[You don’t need to apologize,] the system said. [I’m...just a system. You don’t have to apologize to a system.]

Song Xuanhe managed to lift his lips slightly with difficulty. [Why so heartless? You’ve already called me brother so many times. No matter what, aren’t we friends now?]

[Friends?] The system said hesitantly.

[What? Do your regulations not allow you to make friends?] Song Xuanhe asked.

[Of course not.] The system responded quickly, then fell silent. After a few seconds, it spoke again: [I’ll be sure to properly check over Xiao Yuanmu’s condition. He’ll be fine, don’t worry.]

Song Xuanhe managed to drag up the corner of his lip before it fell again. He made a soft sound of acknowledgement.

Actually, when he snapped at Yang Jie earlier, he was just venting.

From the time that Xiao Yuanmu started to become more taciturn- when he started to work overtime more and more- him flying back without a clear reason- the complicated look Xue Mian had given him- the words that Yang Jie had bitten back after they returned overseas- Xiao Yuanmu getting visits from his financial advisor, his lawyer, his doctor- Xiao Yuanmu collapsing- the property transfer documents on the table-

The truth had always been right in front of him, on clear display. It was just that Song Xuanhe had never been brave enough to touch it.

After a while, a doctor left the emergency room. He addressed Song Xuanhe: “Mr. Xiao’s condition isn’t good right now, but the details are still unclear. We need more time to inspect him to know more.”

Song Xuanhe wasn’t surprised. If the system needed more time, then the doctors could only take longer. “How much time?”

“About three hours,” the doctor said conservatively.

Song Xuanhe nodded, returning to the sofa with a downcast gaze, not speaking.

An indeterminable amount of time passed, and the system slowly spoke, voice complicated: [Xiao Yuanmu is...]

Just then, Yang Jie ran into the room and said to Song Xuanhe: “Xiao-ge is awake!”

Song Xuanhe stood up suddenly, turning and running to the private room. At the door, he suddenly came to a stop, then took two steps back. Behind these doors are the answers that he had been looking for. But now, he wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know.

“Song-shao?” Yu Yan came up to him. “Chief Xiao is awake. Aren’t you going in?”

Song Xuanhe hesitated, pulling the door as he spoke. “I’m going to go in soon.”

Yu Yan nodded and left. Song Xuanhe took a step into the sickroom. On the bed was a person who, apart from being paler than usual, didn’t look much different. Their eyes met.

The hand that Song Xuanhe was using to grip the door tightened. As he was preparing to walk in, he stopped to look at Xiao Yuanmu quietly.

Xiao Yuanmu blinked at him and said: “Are you mad?”

Without waiting for an answer, he looked at him with clear, dark eyes and continued: “I bought congee for you to eat, so don’t be mad at me, okay?”

#i'll post the other chs soon!#again this is not edited bc it was written out so i didn't have to try to read the chinese one character at a time #but i thought that maybe?? someone else will want this to at least know what the ending is #Transmigrating into the Reborn Male Lead’s Ex-Boyfriend #RMLE #RMLE chapter 153 #also TN here i guess but i cannot believe the author wanted to stuff this juicy of a plotline this late into the game #TERMINAL ILLNESS STORYLINE IN LAST THREE CHAPTERS??? when i say i HOLLERED

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