#i cannot be more blunt about the content of this post
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cw self harm + fictional character/personal musings under cut (SU edition)
just some stuff i wanted to get off my chest as i reflect on my journey to the Somewhat more stable person i'm doing my best to become. there's a little bit of fic mixed in here.
y'know, to this day, even though i (thank god) never personally dropped to the point of depression of ACTUALLY harming myself... i still think a lot about the whole fic i once had in mind about steven and self harm.
even though i never finished the rest of it, i actually posted the first part of it- a little character study on steven and depression, written pre Future- as its own one-shot. it's here.
this little piece is... one of the more unusual things i've written, stylistically. i don't often play around in second person. but like... for jen at the time... it was written in second person because these were thoughts i was myself actively battling. that cold, empty fog of just... eh. of complete apathy.
and there was a lot more of it, too- sitting half-written in my notes, as i hid in the back storage room of my job at the time and tried not to think about just how easy it would be to "accidentally" nick my finger with the box cutter, just to see what it'd feel like.
...steven discovering that the statick-y jabs of a stray destabilizer he finds bring him a rush of realism he hasn't experienced in a long while.
...steven accidentally nicking himself with his razor when he's shaving (i actually have a whole finished bit for this-)
You’re 16 years, 7 months, and 11 days old the first time you cut yourself.
It’s an accident.
Or at least, that’s the narrative you claim.
You’re shaving the patchy hairs on your chin when it happens. Your hand slips, and you rake the razor across your skin.
“Youch!” you hiss, flinching. The razor drops from your slackened grip and falls into the sink. Blood rises to the surface of the nick almost instantly, and with it, a rush of warm, grounding sensation you haven’t felt since the destabilizer stopped having any placating effect on you.
A faint shiver wracks your body, your nerves tingling as your brain catches up with the fact that you’ve wounded yourself, that your delicate skin is broken and its cells need to arrange to send clotting agents to the site of impact. Thankfully though, you’ve got a better remedy for woes like these. You lick your finger, and dab a bit of spit on the tiny wound. The skin weaves back together in a flash, pink light sparkling around the area for a second.
You stand at the mirror motionless for a long while after this, unable to stop thinking about the intoxicating rush of… of realism you finally experienced again. Of solid, corporal presence. You stare into your dark, void eyes with such laser sharp focus that you don’t notice you’re gripping your fists in a vice like grip until your fingernails pierce though skin.
It stings, but you decide you don’t mind the pain this time.
You forgo healing the crescent-shaped wounds. For now. At least, not until you leave the bathroom and face the world outside. Not until you have to.
Sometimes you’re not sure you’re worth wasting your powers on anyways.
-
The very next day, driven by a nauseating mixture of obsession and shame, you go to the store and buy a small hobby knife and a set of blade refills. Something you could get away with hiding in your drawers under the socks you never wear, that would never be labeled as “missing,” something all your own.
With your healing powers, you figure… it isn’t like any damage you sow to your body really matters.
It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re just… finding ways to cope with all these difficult feelings. Ways to feel alive again. Coping is normal. It’s fine.
No one has to know.
...steven slipping into a whole habit of self harm and then healing to cover the damage, over and over, a desperate, indulgent impulse entirely unseen by the people around him.
___
i think a part of me at the time was almost... jealous of steven, as ridiculous as it may be to be jealous of an idea who doesn't exist. i was jealous at the thought that- with his self-healing ability- he could hurt himself and then fix it up lickity split with no one the wiser. there's such an unspoken shame to this aspect of depression... to how it impacts you physically. to the scars it leaves. to the sickly smell of your sweaty, oily body after days and days of not showering, not because you CHOOSE not to, but because you're literally unable to bring yourself to.
etc etc.
and so i was jealous of the idea of steven. the idea of someone who could feasibly HIDE all that. and i compressed that jealousy into second person fic. and writing that unposted fic quite possibly saved me from a world of pain. it gave me a much needed outlet in a time where i barely had an anchor to grab onto otherwise.
i think it says a lot that in those days- despite the fact that i had a whole intervention and hopeful ending planned for it- the only pieces of this fic i finished were the parts that was steven actively harming himself, or reflecting on the act of self-harm. back in that time, in the height of my own depression, in the days where i was writing such catharsis-less stories such as Shattering Atlas, it was really hard to imagine happy endings for my favorite characters because i was incapable of imagining a happy ending for myself.
i still struggle a lot with this.
but-
as i prepare to post the final chapter of my lil SUF one-shot anthology Second Skin tomorrow-
i realize that this is me, finally making good on my promise to give steven that happy ending. finally making good on working towards my own. and it may not be an ending for this unfinished second POV fic that i clung to in my days of darkest turmoil, but it's still the ending of an era. and i think it's a pretty good reminder, too.
a reminder that some stories just need time to simmer, time apart from your pen, time to sit in solitude until you're in the right mindset to truly dig into the heart of their themes.
#jen rambles#i cannot be more blunt about the content of this post#i don't really expect many people to read this but it feels cathartic to get out
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hashira accidentally touch your chest
Author’s Note: pls and ty enjoy this tidbit of crack-fluff. 😆💖
hashira accidentally touch your chest
Hashira x Reader
Word Count: ~1,600
CW: explicit language, Fem!Reader, mild sexual content
Suggestion Fulfilled: Can we get all hashira accidently touch y/n's breast
~faqs~
Fyi, “chest” means boob. I was just worried Tumblr would block this post from tags if I included “boob” in the title lmao. 😉
Shocked 😳😖
“I apologize, [y/n]-san, it won’t happen again!”
Gyomei’s nearly in tears, he feels so terribly 😞
“These things happen!” you promptly assure him, “Besides, you technically won the bout.”
No need to mention that he always wins when training together 🥲
“I cannot accept such a tainted victory.”
“Himejima-san, though I appreciate your concern and respect, there’s truly no issue.”
Meanwhile, Gyomei’s rethinking his entire Breathing Style to ensure he never accidentally touches anyone’s boob(s) again 💀
In cold disbelief 😐😐😐
If you don’t say anything, then he won’t say anything
Alternatively, if you do say something, then Obanai will immediately curl up into a ball and die
Spends the rest of his day recalling the fleeting warmth of your breast
He swears his hand doesn’t even get cold, so affected by the heat of your bosom
Your boob must be ✨magical✨
“Iguro-san,” you call out gently, noting his dazed stare, his dinner untouched while he sits crossed legged, “Is something on your mind?”
“No.” 😐😐😐
Well okay then 🙃
“About what happened earlier…”
🫨🫨🫨 <— Obanai is FREAKING OUT
“… Iguro-san, I didn’t mind.”
And then you stand up, take your dishes, and leave
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEEEAAAN?!?!?!
Good luck finding Obanai tomorrow 🫡 (the poor man’s been pleasantly overwhelmed)
He’ll avoid you for eternity now 😌 (not really, but at least until he can breathe around you again)
She giggles 🤭
Lol
“Oh my! [y/n]-san, I didn’t mean to touch you so intimately!” 😅
“No worries, it happens.”
Your face may or may not be burning up a storm, but that’s okay!
Mitsuri’s blushing too
A lot 😳
“I hope I didn’t hurt you?!”
Because like, What if I gripped too hard?! 😭
She’s well aware of her own strength
“You barely brushed me, Kanroji-san. I promise!”
Phew!
She grins, relief evident as she bumps her elbow against yours
“Don’t tell anyone, okay? I would be so embarrassed!!!”
“Kanroji-san, our secret is safe with me.”
I wish it would happen again… <— lowkey both of you thinking the same thing 🤪
As a medical personnel (among other roles), Shinobu accidentally (or even on purpose, depending on where you’re wounded) touching your boob isn’t entirely unreasonable nor unrealistic
Obviously it would be nicer if she was caressing you out of love and affection 😔
And not methodically cleansing then bandaging claw marks that just so happened to cross over your chest 😒
“You should make a full recovery,” she’s all business, “The demon avoided your nipple and didn’t puncture deep enough to affect the functionality of your breast,” fortunately, you’re too exhausted to be embarrassed by her bluntness, “It has a nice shape. I’m glad you survived.”
EXCUSE ME WHAT?!?!?! 😃🫠
Now you’re kinda embarrassed
More so preening, really 🤭
It’s like when a doctor randomly compliments the rhythm of your heart or some other characteristic from a mainly professional POV, but you’re still caught off guard because who tf compliments someone’s kidneys or bowels movements or?????
In your pain hazed delusion, you briefly contemplate somehow getting your other boob injured too… gotta make sure you’re matching in (nice) shape, y’know? 😌
Kyojuro can be discreet, albeit more so for your sake than his
“I APOLOGIZE! I DID NOT MEAN TO TOUCH YOUR BREAST!” <— how he could react 💀
“Pardon my slip, are you okay?” <— how he actually reacts, because he isn’t entirely lacking in social awareness and decorum 😆
“Oh,” you don’t mean to squeak, but it can’t be helped when the most handsome man you’ve ever known just casually grazed your boob, “I’m fine! Totally fine! Haha!” 🫨😵💫🫠
You’ve gotta be more convincing than that, or Kyojuro will never forgive himself 😕
He’s a lil oblivious when it comes to physical attraction
Not like, infantly so, but given this particular circumstance?
He doesn’t realize you’re flustered; he assumes you’re mortified 😖
“You sound decidedly less than fine.”
He’s softer now, worried about startling you 🥺
“I was surprised! But don’t worry! I’m not worried!”
Okaaay, but he’s worried 🥲
“Is there any way I could make amends for my indiscretion?”
Not only is he handsome, but he is such a gentleman 😭😍
“Rengoku-san, there are no amends to be made, I promise. I’m not mad, nor do I feel unhappy or unsafe. I forgive you.”
Your regaining of the ability to speak in complete sentences greatly reassures him 😮💨😁
“Ah. Well. I am grateful for your kindness and understanding. It will not happen again.”
…
…
Hold up 🧐
Why does she seem… she seems… disappointed? Should I have said it will happen again??
You’ve suddenly given Kyojuro something quite pleasant to ponder 🤔
After all, he isn’t entirely oblivious 😉
“Are you going to apologize?” Sanemi demands
“For what?” you screech
“For touching my hand with your boob!”
Your eyes roll, “Oh fuck off!”
“I didn’t ask to touch you,” he grunts
“I wouldn’t have given you permission anyway,” you retort 😒
Arms crossing over his bare chest, Sanemi scoffs, “Well I didn’t give mine either!”
“You’re ridiculous. It was an accident.”
You seem genuinely pissed 😬
Sanemi rethinks his approach
“You know I’m joking, right?” 😅
“Nooo,” your sarcasm cuts deep, “I thought you were flirting.” 😐
Uh 😀
Well 😃
Shit 😄
“Fuck you!”
When in doubt, curse ‘em out 💀
You scowl, confusion lingering as your blood boils, “Fuck you!”
“I said it first.” 🙄
You stalk away, fed up with his antics
#man child #sort of #romantically inept is more like it
As tends to happen with epiphanies, yours doesn’t hit until you’re almost asleep
“WAS THAT MOTHERFUCKER FLIRTING WITH ME???!” 😳🥴😭
Best believe Shinazugawa Sanemi is about to have a Lesson 101 in flirting asap 😤😎
(assuming you’re older, like, mentor age to Muichiro)
Neither of you make a fuss about it
It’s like accidentally calling your teacher mom 😬
Or grabbing a random person’s hand in the supermarket thinking they’re your parent 🫣
Embarrassing, but not a huge deal — unless you make it one
There’re those three seconds of slow motion Uhh and What just happened and Oops 🫠
And then time speeds up to normal again, you have a quick conversation with your eyes (gosh forbid you speak and bring the unspoken into reality 💀), and it’s over
^^ Alternatively, if Muichiro initiates a conversation to clear the air, then you’re able to have a mature and concise chat that is respectfully and patiently resolved
Embarrassing/accidental encounters are part of growing up
As long as they can be navigated ~safely, there shouldn’t be any lasting harm
⚠️I also want to emphasize that I am talking solely on inarguably accidental/one time incidences⚠️
Hehehe
Giyuu’s hand is stuck 🫣
Only for like, a fleeting second
But omg 😭
He was already embarrassed, and now he’s triply embarrassed 🫠🫠🫠
“... Tomioka-san?”
You won’t lie; you aren’t especially bothered 🤭
But it is a compromising position to be caught in; Giyuu lowkey crushing you, one of his palms clearly cupping your boob 😬
#wrestling #or something #so maybe this isn’t super realistic #forgive me
You’re about to repeat his name when he finally springs to life, immediately rolling off you, standing abruptly, about to literally sprint away
And then he remembers his manners 🙃
He offers you a hand
His other hand; his boob hand is currently tucked away in his haori
He’s never washing it again
#closet perv
“Thanks,” you smile faintly, accepting his assistance as you lift yourself from the ground
You hope he can’t hear your heartbeat 💓
He definitely can 😶
But can you hear his?
“I don’t think we should train together anymore.”
Giyuu is swift and harsh with his solutions
“Why?”
Your question comes out stiffer than intended
He hesitates, unable to interpret the fear in your tone — the longing
“I always beat you,” he explains lamely, “Don’t you get tired of losing?”
You scoff cheerfully, grinning now as you squeeze his hand
Fuck, we were still holding hands?! <— Giyuu is in shambles 😳
“I could never lose!” you declare, feelings brimming in your throat, spilling onto your tongue, “Not when I’m with you.”
Then we should absolutely stop training together would be the responsible reaction
Attachments are the most dangerous game for a Hashira to play 😕
Instead, Giyuu’s rendered speechless, unable to shake his hand from yours
“Well alright then,” he mutters, stomach churning as he narrowly avoids the warmth in your gaze
In fact, you swear he squeezes back 💓
“EXCUSE ME! I HAVE A WIFE!” 😤😤😤
“You have three wives.” 🙄
Sputtering, Tengen shrieks, “I already have plenty of breasts to touch!”
“Tengen,” you glare, not one to back down as you jab a finger into his own chest, “You touched my boob.” 😒
“AND I’M SORRY!” 😭
Much better 😌
“I don’t know what they see in you,” you scoff (you’re also lying, you can see plenty🤭), “They’re gorgeous… and you freak out when you accidentally touch a boob.” 💀
Tengen is 100% pouting now
“I don’t freak out when I touch their boobs,” he huffs
“Well aren’t they lucky.” 😐
“You could be lucky too!”
…
…
Tengen starts running
You give chase
“DID YOU TALK TO THEM ABOUT THIS?”
Tengen runs faster
“TENGEN!!!!!”
Tengen runs faster and faster
You give up
*insert gasping for air here*
“DO YOUR WIVES KNOW THEY’RE MARRIED TO A COWARD???!!!”
Oh well, you’ll have to visit their estate sometime this week 🙃
You’re sure to get an answer from Hina, Makio, and Suma ☺️
And you can’t wait to see more of Tengen 😏😋
Sorry, sometimes the horny just happens 🥴
#hashira x reader#headcanons#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer#gyomei x reader#obanai x reader#mitsuri x reader#shinobu x reader#kyojuro x reader#sanemi x reader#muichiro x reader#giyuu x reader#tengen x reader
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Why don't you post new solo date on Tumblr? It's difficult to read them on Twitter and your commentary interrupts the immersion. Not everyone wants to read someone else's comments every few lines. Why not post them all like you usually do? I just want to read them all in one sitting...
hello! it’s very late at my place rn, but i just had to reply to this right this moment.
i’m sorry if this comes off as too blunt, but since the tone of your ask unfortunately didn’t sit well with me either -
first and foremost, translating is not my job, it is not my obligation, nor do i owe anyone my translations. translating is and has always been a hobby, a mental release, and i translate b/c i want to share the contents i love with friends and alike who value the hard work and effort put into it.
secondly, if you do not want to read “someone else’s” (and sb else in your context is the translator herself) commentary, please don’t. please don’t. it’s my heartfelt request to you, please don’t. no one, absolutely no one is forcing you to. i’ve had many people tell me about wanting to know more about how the original language works, how the translated words are strung together, what tidbits they are missing out, and that they prefer the commentary. it’s for them.
thirdly, the threads personally are more for me b/c these days i cannot make time to write those essays i used to, nor can i make time to translate as much. and when i do pdf file like translation as you asked, i can’t always include explanations/ tidbits. so rather than having the words unreleased/ unheard, i’d rather i have some documentation of my emotions and thoughts that i can go back to whenever i need.
lastly, i have considered giving up translation altogether from the burn out many times, but i’m still doing it b/c i love it (as of now). tumblr formatting takes too much time and energy that i can’t spare at the moment. my initial plan was to subtitle the video later on as i usually tend to do and cut back on the workload, even though i’m not sure if i want to do that right now. but i’m sorry, i’m afraid if i continue with my translation, it will have to be in the ways i personally feel more comfortable.
hope you have a great day/ night. thank you for stopping by. 🤍
—
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Here are my thoughts on the situation.
*very long post incoming*
Firstly and I cannot stress this enough, MOST IMPORTANTLY:
SUPPORT SHUBBLE!!!!!!!
It was so incredibly brave of her to speak out about what happened to her, and they deserve so much love and support. Please go and watch her videos, subscribe, and spread kindness to her. They are absolutely just wonderful.
Secondly: I do not support him. at all. I'm not going to say his name because he doesn't deserve attention, but you know who I'm talking about. I think that what he did is absolutely abhorrent and loathsome, and on top of all that he delivers an "apology" that is simply just shit. Everybody's responses to this situation are a hundred thousand times better than whatever that was. Hell, Dreams response was leagues better than a single word said in that sorry excuse of 4 paragraphs.
Thirdly: There's been a lot of talk about "separating the art from the artist" surrounding this, and I both agree and disagree with this sentiment. On the one hand, I completely understand still enjoying some of his music and videos without directly tying it to him or supporting him at all. But on the other hand. He is an abuser. I personally feel that as long as you are not directly supporting him, and making sure that you are not, I think that you should be allowed to listen to his music, or watch reuploads of his videos on other peoples channels. With how big of an impact this man made, I cannot blame you. Its very hard to just drop someone and move on so quickly. (for some people, that is.) We need to allow ourselves time to move on and adjust, and we need to be patient with others as well. If you have moved on already, please be considerate and understanding to others who are still trying to let go.
Now another tangent similar to the paragraph above:
To be blunt: I think that we should completely separate and detach the characters that this man played and "created" from his actual person. and I say created in quotes because I don't really think it was he who made them. I think it was the community. We were given characters that were kind of blank slates in a way, they had a basic kind of personality and some defining traits and goals. but that character only flourished and came alive when we, the community started putting our own thoughts and headcanons in them. These characters for me in my mind were mostly filled with other people's and my personal headcanons and stuff from other stories and people's personal interpretations in fanfiction and artwork, and I think it's very important to separate these characters that people like and enjoy from the actual person who is terrible and shouldn't be given a second thought. I really feel that the characteristics and personalities of these characters were built up so much more by the community, and waaaay less by the content creator himself. I think that these characters made should not be attached to him anymore. They shouldn't, because in a way they are ours.
We should separate them. We can separate them.
*Also! I've seen so many really cool ocs that have sprung forth based off of these characters, and I just gotta say: Way to go! I think that further disconnecting these characters from him by putting your own spin on them and even replacing his characters in your story with your ocs is a really cool thing, and I love seeing it!
Moving on from this man is going to be really hard, for some people more than others especially considering the insane impact he had on so many peoples lives, and I want you to know that you can take all the time you need to process your feelings and thoughts on this situation and make the best decision for you on how to continue. Your allowed to be upset. I'm upset. But, I'm really proud and happy that so many in this community aren't supporting an abuser. (heck even the dream and Tommy stans teamed up)
As for me, I will not let this ruin the dream smp and it's story for me, or any other story that he was in. I will continue to make fanart of the many other characters featured in the smp and other stories, as well as make fanart of other content creators. Although I have been deeply affected by this, I was honestly always really a fan of other people and their povs more anyways. (like Eret, Technoblade, Tommy and Quackity.)(and these are just a few others I watched!! you should really give everyone's povs a try :))
Lastly, and again I absolutely must make this SO SO CLEAR: FULL SUPPORT TO SHUBBLE!! She is so so brave and amazing for speaking out about this, and I highly encourage everyone to support them in any way you can!!!!! SHUBSCRIBE!! They are almost at 1 million!! Instead of focusing and wasting your time on him, please give all of your attention and care to her!!
Wishing you the strength to continue, process what's happening, and move on safely and smoothly, and wishing Shelby all the goodness and love in the world to recover and heal from this. ❤️
#wilbur soot#wilbur situation#shubble#my thoughts#dsmp#dream smp#shelby shubble#tw: abuse#support shubble#support shelby#support victims#shubblesupportsquad#shubble situation#shubble shelby
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🌟 a quick little announcement / ask from me --
i really, really appreciate all the positive reception my fics have gotten over the past year+ of me publishing.... but i've gotten a lot of anon messages recently that i just want to address without singling anyone out.
recently i've been getting a lot of anon messages asking when i'm going to be updating fic, posting new fic, going back to aurora, etc. or asking again when i'll be back on a regular posting schedule. typically i'll answer the nicest anon with something like "soon i promise!" etc., but many of these i just delete because.... i just cannot physically answer them all. but at this point i just think i need to make a little blanket statement.
the answer to when am i going to post is "when i write it" - at this point that's really the best answer i can give. i had a posting schedule for aurora but that's because most of it was written in advance, but i do not have a posting schedule as a writer in general. i don't mean to be quite so blunt, but usually if i don't post for a week or a little over a week i get flooded with these messages, some of which go so far as to ask why i'm not posting more altogether.
i really don't mean to be mean or harsh at all, but the answer just is that i have no idea. i try to be really open and transparent with y'all, but the issue boils down to the fact that i just don't write as much as i used to, but there's a reason for that and i think i should be honest about why.
when i got into ateez last year, i was in the downswing of a major depressive episode. i clung to them and my imaginary little world really fucking hard just to get through that, but it led to me writing a metric fuckton and posting tons of content almost weekly. in the past year i've been pulling myself out of that headspace and to be honest, i'm feeling MUCH much better and much less dependent on ateez. to be clear, they are still a huge part of my life and my everyday, but i'm no longer using them to get by and ultimately it just leaves me writing less frequently. that combined with a career change that leaves me working 50+ hours a week, having a healthy relationship with my partner, seeing friends, and most recently moving apartments, it just leaves me writing in what small pockets i have left.
i personally put a lot of pressure on myself to write more and write faster, but sometimes i'll sit down to write and physically just can't do it because i'm making it into this big thing in my head. getting so many messages asking me when i'm posting and why i'm not posting more really just makes that pressure and guilt balloon in my mind. i know these questions are coming from a good place, but with the way my brain works it sometimes leaves me feeling bad and guilty.
i guess this is all to say..... please understand that while i want to write more and write faster, i'm in a very different place in my life now than when i was writing aurora. please understand that i am just not able to publish at that speed or quantity anymore, and i've been feeling terrible about needing to make this kind of announcement because i know it's disappointing. but honestly.... i'm proud of the work i've done in the past year and i'm so happy i'm not feeling quite so bad anymore, and while i want to write more, i wouldn't trade it. so i just want to ask for your patience and your kindness on this one, i really am just doing the best that i can.
please keep messaging me, please keep interacting and talking about fic, that makes me so excited to write! i love talking about my characters and writing and ateez in general, it's SO fun - but the asks i get on a weekly basis that seem irritated with me have to stop, i can only do so much for so long and if i had stayed at that pace i would have burned myself out completely.
thank you all so much for reading and for respecting this, i honestly love this little fic community so much which is why i feel like i can be honest about this. i have a lot of fic plans and a lot working, but for now, i really don't know when i'll publish what. what i can promise is that i'm always writing, even in small ways. so more tnt is coming, more aurora, more one-shots, etc. i just can't promise much more right now. thank you again, i love you all.
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Wouldn't Bad's availability make him the best babysitter? Like he's the one always stepping up to do so when he could be spending his time on the server doing other things. But he likes taking care of eggs (and parents often DO explicitly ask him to babysit on top of this) and has the time to do so. And he does a good job at it. Which,, makes him the best babysitter doesn't it?
Roier hasn't been babysitting multiple eggs in over half a year. He may have been the first to do in the first month of the eggs being around but he never kept up with it (for understandable reason, but it doesn't make him a reliable egg babysitter) and isn't really comparable to Bad. I'm not sure by what metric you are determining babysitters at tbh
This could be about several posts so I’m assuming you’re talking about this post but if not lmk anon (time to break out the read more cause we got a lot to say 😞(this is so fricken long and basically includes all my thoughts on the “bbh is the best babysitter” thing))
I’m not sure if you missed this on the post but anon did speak about the fact that Bad isn’t the first choice for the egg parents.
For foolish, he is sometimes the first choice because he’s aware of how often Bad is online but Foolish rarely asks anyone to babysit because he knows Leo will get on and whoever she’s most comfortable with she will ask to take care of her (and most of the time Leo chooses Roier if he’s online). Then Fit who always makes sure, that he can take care of Ramon; Pomme and Richas have like 6 parents so they just hangout with different people because they don’t need to worry about tasks like the og kids; and then Phil has a myriad of people(Tubbo, Forever, Fit, Niki & ect) he asks to babysit before Bad.
Really the only way Parents ask Bad to take care of their kids is when they know their usual go to babysitters won’t be online or if the egg admin cannot get online early enough to play with the parent or someone else they would typically ask. Like the night the eggs went missing, Leo’s admin could only get on really late (which Foolish couldn’t predict because he spent all day waiting for her) when only really 2-3 people are typically online so Bad and Tubbo took care of her because they were the only ones left online and Foolish couldn’t get back on again because of preplanned stream content with friends that he can’t just drop suddenly.
Sorry this might sound a bit blunt but not all of qsmp members are strictly minecraft streamers. Some of them are variety content creators and have lives outside of the qsmp so therefore cannot spend 6-12 hours everyday playing qsmp. (This isn’t saying Bad or tubbo don’t have a life but the others clearly have more strict boundaries of how long they will “work” for ie Phil rarely plays over 6 hours because it’s will end up being 2am for him or cellbit who doesn’t stream on mondays or Tuesdays )
Lowkey though I’m sick of using the term best babysitter because it doesn’t mean anything past just being an available babysitter cause literally anyone can do the tasks. So I am going to stop using it when talking about this. But when people are using this term to make Bad seem like this great person on qsmp is a bit wild. Cause saying he is “good at babysitting” or the “best babysitter” is kinda of like saying he’s the best parent which is discrediting the effort other parents genuinely put in for their egg children. Although y’all may not mean it directly like that, it is what y’all are saying cause babysitting really only involves doing the tasks, keeping the child alive and hanging out with them which is what the parent also have to do.
Like some bbh defenders will talk about bad being available to babysit as if he’s the only single parent and he’s working 3 part time jobs on top of this which he isn’t. He and Dapper just have more free time to play on the server and he doesn’t struggle with egg tasks cause of this. Like when he babysits he does the tasks and then hangs out with the eggs like everyone else would. That doesn’t make him the greatest babysitter alive it just makes him a decent person like everyone else on the qsmp who has and would do the tasks for any egg.
So when y’all say bbh is the best babysitter you are kind of blurring the lines between actually meaning babysitter and really saying he’s the best parent. Which is a stupid thing to argue cause none of them are the best, they are all just trying their hardest to keep their child that they love and care for alive.
Also I was talking about Roier mainly in the past since I’ve only really compared him and Bad babysitting Leo. But what I’m trying to point out is the inaccuracies when people talk about Bad babysitting. Like saying that Bad’s the only one that does it or that he’s the best because he gets on with all the eggs. When literally everyone gets on with the eggs and Roier who has done babysitting exactly like Bad has. Also Roier is still active on the server and babysits Leo & Richas (although it’s more Richas and Roier hanging out). I could say the same for Tubbo who took care of Chayanne and Tallulah for a week or the odd time Foolish or Baghera pick up an extra egg when taking care of their own egg. But I choose Roier because his experiences babysitting from the past are incredibly similar to Bad’s. Although I could argue about how it is different because the eggs that Bad does babysit are very independent now and he only has to do the tasks while the eggs roier took care of back then were way more dependent and needed constant supervision but I won’t because that’s useless.
Plus part of my argument about all this is that the eggs being babysat is completely dependent on who the egg is most comfortable with, who is online and who is with the parent that has to leave; which again isn’t always Bad.
So no I don’t think Bad is the “best babysitter” because any “sacrifices” bad puts in for the eggs are his own free will/doing. Anyone could do the same as him but the only reason he can make those “sacrifices” is because he has way more free time then anyone else on the server apart from tubbo so it’s an unfair judgement. Plus there really shouldn’t be the best of anything on the qsmp cause when y’all argue about there being a best of anything, it just puts down the other members who do honestly try their hardest when doing anything on the server.
If y’all wanna talk about the worst of everything but playing the villain, I could make a post about Quackity (/j!!)
#if y’all don’t wanna read this I completely understand bc what buttfuck essay am i writing here like dude it’s fuck eggs#again tags for filtering->#qsmp neg#bbh neg#bbh critical#qsmpblr neg#qsmp#qsmp eggs
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Hello! I wanted to say that you made me feel very validated when you posted your mixed feelings about Hazbin/Helluva, I'm right there with ya. I'm very closed off when wanting to share my opinions, especially negative ones and especially on the internet.
Has your relationship/way you deal with the internet changed a lot over time or has it stayed pretty much the same?
I absolutely adore your art, thank you for sharing your thoughts and being open to asks!
oh no problem, i'm always of the opinion that its okay and good to be critical of things and i'm genuinely kind of baffled by people who aggressively oppose it. there's not a single piece of media i can think of that i both love and haven't said anything negative about it. acknowledging flaws is a good thing!
not that its something you have to do, like i dont approve of the notion that people who like a problematic piece of media or a media riddled with flaws, should be obligated to list off their issues before going back to consuming it. but that these sort of negative critiques should have healthy engagement.
i joke about being a hater a lot but i also just think there's nothing wrong with just being vocal about your issues with a piece of media. its fun to be critical actually.
like christ, the fact that you could not criticize helluva/hazbin hotel without fans crying and calling you homophobic, an abuse apologist and/or incapable of comprehending complex characters will always be silly to me. you can't defend your show by saying "these characters are in hell" and then call people some kind of "-ism" because they have an issue with something you like.
anyways with regards to the internet, i think the biggest change for me was being more mindful about what i say. in the sense that i had an issue with dumping a lot of very personal info that should be kept to myself + i've reached a point in popularity where people start taking my words as gospel, and no matter what i do i cannot control how people behave. you may notice on twitter, i dont really qrt takes anymore, because that's giving 300k+ pairs of eyes to someone who may have just made a pretty embarrassing take i could just ignore. you'd really have to push me to a certain point to make me feel compelled to respond that way.
i think something people dont get about me if they're only familiar with my art is that they think because i make cutesy content, i must be a "wholesome uwu" person as well, and then they're surprised to learn i can be very cynical, overly blunt and even abrasive at points. i like my personality the way it is but i do recognize that it can lead into behavior that comes across as flat out mean-spirited rather than light ribbing. and yeah i know, internet bad, everyone's a jerk online behind the screen, but i do try to be more mindful of how i engage with people.
or ya know, i can tell them "shut the fuck up" and block them. depends on my mood really
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Rose Lacroix & J Rosales - Narrative Foil Trait Compilation #6
How does this series work?
This is my narrative foil disection series for Danganronpa Despair Time based on my post Danganronpa: Depsair Time foils theory.
The presented theory is that the CH1 recap shows off all narrative foils in DR:DT based on how the pairings in said recap video are paired.
This series will go through all 8(?) of these foil pairings and disect the dichotomy present in them in a more in depth manner. I will do this primarily by comparing and contrasting Backstory, Motive, Flaws & Character Arc. (Credit to Barbieronpa for that compliation of concepts.)
All of these posts will contain heavy spoilers and will be updated as the series goes on and more information on the characters is presented. If you are interested in the those updates please return to each of these posts after the end of an episode batch.
This will only look at presented content within the series;outside of the foil theory itself it will not take into account theories & speculation.
Backstory
Rose:
-> Grew up in a household which was financially unstable enough to encourage crime as a counterbalance
-> Was caught for crimes and fined an unpayable amount of money as punishment. This would have put her household in debt forever.
-> Was "saved" by Spurling Foundation who agreed to bail her out if she was willing to give over all her artwork past, present and future to the Spurling Foundation
-> Now works for the Spurling Foundation and cannot make a piece which is not owned by the foundation
-> She has a photographic memory which allows her to perfectly remember anything she's ever seen;it does not apply to spoken words.
J:
-> Forced to act fem by superstar mother for most of her early life
-> Not allowed to explore identity on own terms
-> Eventually rebels and starts presents on her own terms
-> At some point began working on SFX - probably linked to mothers status as an actress
Compare/Contrast:
-> Both have a figure who severely limits their own ability to explore their identity
-> J grew up with a large amount of financial privllege whereas Rose grew up with so little she was forced to put herself and her family at risk
-> Rose clearly cares about her family enough to work for them for the rest of her life while J has been hurt by a family member (specifically, her mother) enough to actively resent them.
Personality
Rose:
-> Lethargic
-> Inductive Thinker
-> Blunt
-> Apathetic
J:
-> Energetic
-> Deductive Thinker
-> Roundabout/Insecure
-> Emotional
Motive
Rose:
-> Rose is motivated to continue living so that her family is not forced to contend with a lifelong debt of her own doing however she has a lack of motive for her own personal endeavors
-> She desires the ability to explore her own identity and to express her heart on her own terms but does not believe she will ever be able to do so
-> She has largely resigned
J:
-> J is motivated by a desire to be everything her mother did not want her to be;she is overcorrecting because she wants to be her own person.
-> She wants to live her life now in a way she was never allowed to before and resents anything associated with her old life (egocentric people, pink, girly things, etc.)
-> She is still very motivated towards achieving this goal and doesn't ever seem to stop working towards it
Compare/Contrast:
-> Rose is a low energy, passive person who does not believe she can change her fate while J is a high energy, active person who is constantly working towards her goals.
-> Rose and J both seek an identity of their own, not defined by anyone else
Flaws
Rose:
-> Rose avoids her problems and gives up without much resistance
-> She does what she believes will be helpful to others without taking any regard for her own wellbeing into account
J:
-> J can be somewhat abrasive and judgemental
-> She makes quick judgements about others which she seems to stubbornly hold onto, even when it isn't reasonable to do so
-> J can somewhat blindly idealize others (Specifically Teruko) even when they aren't the person she might want them to be. This mirrors behavior she deems bad and has ended badly for her so far.
Compare/Contrast:
-> Rose tries too little while J overcorrects and does much too much in response to her problems
-> Both seem to be aware of their problems - J is actively trying to work on them while Rose is constantly watching them occur without taking any action to change them.
Narrative Arc
Rose:
-> Rose starts off the story reactively figuring clues out and sharing them with others however she never takes an active pursuit to figure out the truth
-> She starts having nightmares of the gruesome scenes she sees in the killing game and paints these nightmares to get them out of her head
-> She shares her story with Teruko which prompts Nico to ask Rose to teach them how to paint
-> Rose is somewhat shocked by this but accepts and begins teaching Nico how to paint
-> Rose believes she is betrayed by Nico after they seem to use her in order to steal turpentine from her and use it on their attempt to murder Ace
-> Rose becomes even more closed off after this and refuses to face the crime scene because of her photographic memory.
J:
-> J starts off the story attaching herself to Teruko and trying to become friends with her in a very roundabout way
-> She tries to impress Teruko by attempting to defeat MonoTV is embarassed when this attempt fails
-> She accuses Teruko of murder in the trial in spite of prior attempts to befriend her
-> Her secret it revealed by Arturo at the start of chapter 2 and she is then harassed by him for the rest of the chapter.
-> She attempts to get reprieve from this harassment by puling Teruko into a changing room so that Arturo won't follow and in response Teruko holds a knife to her neck and chastizes her for pulling her into a dark cramped space without asking
-> J is clearly very hurt by this and acts somewhat spiteful towards Teruko afterwards
-> J becomes even more spiteful during the trial after being able to expose Arturo's secret. She seems to enjoy getting revenge.
Compare/Contrast:
-> Both Rose and J are hurt by someone who they to some degree trusted and become more closed off afterwards
-> Rose seems to be falling deeper and deeper into her escapism while J is becoming more and more spiteful/vengeful.
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what I find funny when looking at your long post about popularity and writing is that the writers who probably consider themselves popular did not like or interact with it 🤡
I'll be blunt and say that I can't fault certain people for interacting or not interacting. This is something I keep in mind with a lot of posts regardless of the content matter:
-> Timezones exist. I may post at 10pm my time, but for a lot of people it could be very early in the morning for their timezone. Like 5am for them when its normal hours my time.
-> depending on how many people you follow, posts can easily be eaten away on your dash. I'll be blunt and say I check my notes/messages way more than I view my dashboard. Im not actually actively on tumblr often outside of quick checks so I myself miss a lot.
-> they may agree but are afraid it could lead into arguments with people they interact with on a normal basis (a warning sign for me for my friendships personally but keeping the peace is important sometimes depending on the issue)
-> and...very important to take into account...i have a good number of people on my blocklist... if I have them blocked, tumblr has now made it to where they cannot reblog any posts where I am an OP at all, or like them. So *coughs* thats also a huge factor. That may be a reason some can't reblog even if they agree. (Though if I have them blocked its likely due to reasons I complained about or. Homophobia, racism, transphobia, etc, or. I just. Dont like them. Human nature to just not like people sometimes) dont anyone start theories on who i do or dont have blocked please
Theres more reasons that are possible but. Like. Idk. Lets not jump TOO hard to conclusions when there can be very innocent explanations. Or i have them blocked.
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i had made a post similar to this a few days ago but honestly i think this should be put in the main tag as it's becoming an issue. can we, as a community, talk about something other than astarion for once? i get it, he does actually have compelling things going for him and i don't think he's horribly written or something, but i do believe that his importance has been hyperinflated by this fanbase to the detriment of the rest of the cast. for context, during my current playthrough, i have been putting most of my energy towards getting to know wyll and karlach and thus i have been trying to go into the bg3 tag to just get more of them. however, you cannot go 3 posts without it being astarion centric. karlach content that isn't either sexualizing her or just portraying her as an object of attraction is rare to find. and as for wyll? unless it is of the entire group, there is practically nothing. you can see similar trends in regards to the women of this game as well.
astarion meanwhile? i have seen multiple essays written about him and while i think, on some level, it is warranted, it is a shame that he seems to be the only character who is getting this treatment by the community. i'm going to be blunt, it is not surprising that this fandom has put him on a pedestal above all else as he's another morally ambiguous white dude. i do know there is more to him, but there is more to everyone else to, stories just as compelling as his, yet looking for non-astarion content feels like looking for a needle in a haystack. astarion fans aren't bad for liking him or something, on some level i get why he's popular, but i have gotten to the point of considering blocking his tag as his popularity has been an active detriment to the perception of other characters.
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My DiaLovers OC - Alina
so i haven’t posted about Alina much because she’s my first OC and i was kinda nervous but i’ve been writing her origin story and my amazing friends in my discord server have been so encouraging, so i feel like i should share her with the world.
Content warnings for mentions of Kou-typical canon themes (CSA, drug use, prostitution etc).
Alina was a child back in Romania when the Mukami’s were in the orphanage. She was a year older than Kou, and was one of the children seen as so beautiful they were sold off as merchandise for aristocrats to make money. Like Kou, she was given nicer clothes and food, and met Kou through this. They were uneducated, couldn’t read/write, and only knew how to get dirty money.
Her and Kou gradually got closer and closer, and Alina was the person who introduced Kou to aurolac (if you haven’t seen my post about aurolac, see: here) and cigarettes. They had a somewhat sexual relationship due to their shared trauma, however, Alina was seen as a bad influence by Ruki and Yuma, so they often tried to stop Kou seeing Alina. Then, the Mukami brothers “died”, and Kou and Alina were pulled apart.
Following the themes in Lost Eden, Alina - as with many of the Romanians who died in the revolution - became a ghoul following death by accidental aurolac overdose, converted by Karlheinz for his “experiment”. She was raised by the ghouls and taught (spoken) Japanese, but continued living in poorer regions of Rotigenberg. She was there when Kino entered the picture and prompted an uprising and dislikes him, but the one good thing Kino did was introduce her to Kou again, who she then seeks out.
You can read about Kou and Alina’s past and re-union more in this fanfic (still have one more chapter left).
This is the only picture I have of Alina from picrew which isn’t art made by my friends. Picrew doesn’t let you add the ghoul’s eyes (black sclera and gold pupils) so just uh. use your imagination.
She's a vulnerable narcissist. On the outside she's very sarcastic and bold, and speaks vulgarly with no filter. But she can also be harsh, outwardly a cunt, easily triggered (aka angered), does things she knows will make people hate her because it's the only way of controlling how people see her. She wants people to be scared of her and that was the only way to survive as a girl in the orphanage. Can't hate someone who everyone already hates, right? That kind of thing. She's willing to do things like ruin families for money, violence, being mean etc, because it's the only way to survive in her mind. She has the same give-and-take mindset as Kou, and is quick to fire up and cool down like him.
On the inside however, she's very soft at heart and cares a huge amount, which is her downfall in some cases. She smokes a lot, Parliament 100s specifically but she's not fussy, and takes pretty much any drugs she can afford or find, though cocaine is her favorite. However, she absolutely cannot stand other people seeing her weak and tends to self-isolate if something is wrong. She also has a complex relationship with religion – Romania was (and still is) a very catholic country and back in the orphanages. Part of her believes in God, but God must hate her; nonetheless, she keeps a rosary from back then hidden.
Even though she's not mean on purpose to people she doesn't have a grudge against, she can come across as blunt or harsh. Weak points include the fact her spoken Japanese isn't Amazing, and the fact she can't read/write which she can be embarrassed by. Since she grew up in poverty, things like TV and films are pretty foreign to her, though she's familiar with Kou's work. She doesn't consider anything taboo or TMI, and dislikes Ruki and Yuma and will talk shit about them to people.
People close to her in a romantic sense risk codependency because she has attachment issues and latches onto people. That's mainly because of her trauma with men, so she needs to have control over the men in her life. Unfamiliar men getting too close sends her into fight or flight mode. However, her female friends are everything (especially Tsumiki check out my friend’s OC, our OC’s are besties lol) because it's someone who likes her despite everything, and she can be quite protective of female friends. She does clash with rich people but can form attachments too.
She's also good with kids, surprisingly. Even though she'd never have kids herself and would immediately have an abortion if she got pregnant, she's only like that because she knows she'd inadvertently traumatize her kid. She wouldn't want the responsibility of a kid and wouldn't be willing to give up drugs and cigarettes. But as a kid she was abandoned by her parents and left to her own devices and look where that got her. The very few ghouls in her village who see her as more than just a drug addicted whore sometimes let her babysit their kids when they're out. Unfortunately, the majority of her village see her in a negative light, which she is also fine because she knows she’s at fault.
uuuuh my ask box is open if anyone is interested more. thank u for ur time invested in my silly little OC.
#diabolik lovers#diabolik lovers OC#my OC#alina tag#tw drugs#i love her#shes a very sammy OC can you tell
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runt // jonathan crane x reader. (12 2/2)
Chapter 12 2/2
cross-posted on AO3
masterlist
Her hands trembled, he could see her shaking fingers holding on tightly to the convex curves on the mug, its content agitated. She rested down the mug in front of him, this time refraining from smiling. A momentary stare between the two communicated more than any words could, her eyes were wide open and her expression cold and severe. This wiped the smile off his face, softly contorting into a frown like hers. The steaming scent of the coffee quickly travelled its way to his nostrils, inviting him to take a sip. He looked down at the mug and then at the kitchen counter, herself seating back at the table as she stared probingly. Terror assaulted his body, not many times terror was exactly the word to describe his emotional state, but the way he felt his heart drop was not of pleasant anticipation, but of scepticism and the sudden feeling that he was in enemy territory, no longer amused.
"You were saying I should be cautious, why is that?" She was overly displaying confidence, he took notice of this. The way her body leaned on the table and her gaze nailed on him as if she was the one in control of the situation only communicated him two things; something was in that mug, or the smug observation he had made about the lack of details on her motives as she explained what she planned to do with the Batman had irked her the wrong way. Sensitive subject, but would she dare to poison him right there? He failed to assess the endless possibilities of why or if she would do it, and the fact that it escaped him made him livid, unconsciously tapping his fingers against the mug.
"Omitting major details to the wrong person may come off as offensive."
"I'm sorry, did I omit something I shouldn't?" From her tone seeped irony, which almost made him feel obliged to be blunt and sting.
"Your brother." He hesitated not, despite feeling in danger, and suddenly his vision of her expression seemed to shift; she seemed calm, leaned on the table not intimidating but rather relaxed, almost conversational, and while her expression wasn't particularly jovial, it no longer seemed to him predatory either. She didn't seem to alter at his answer, instead remaining placidly resting her head on her arms as she observed him not inquisitively but rather like one observes an animal in a zoo; on display. He felt naked, although he was the one cornering her into speaking about things that were clearly sensitive enough to make her borderline homicidal. His emotional state was erratic, and the energy in the room was heavy and volatile, not many times did he feel like that, like his own emotions were unpredictable. He displayed no signs of agitation, although it concerned him that he might be prying too much. Similar to when one stares into an object for so long it starts to deform itself, and shine light on its flaws and small details one cannot see without paying uninterrupted attention.
"I suppose by now you've picked my life apart enough with the right people to know Batman killed my brother."
"You're right. Anyways, I know I originally told you I suspected you worked for the Batman." A scoff of ridicule at his words on her behalf punctured his ego slightly, accommodating his posture in an attempt to regain credibility. "Given your background I have no reasons to believe this anymore, and since I cleared you from suspicions I suppose some help on the Batman problem couldn't harm, even though our motives are entirely different."
"Did you go to Falcone?"
"What?"
"Did you ask about me to Falcone, about my brother?"
"Yes, what about it?" She scoffed again, retracting from the table as she bit her lip and looked away, her bite holding on disappointment.
"Falcone wasn't even there when he got killed." Crane didn't answer, he simply looked down at his coffee and second-guessed on whether to sip and gamble or simply leave it to cool, but her lack of concern on if he drank it or not made the idea of her poisoning him to death seem like a further distant fantasy of momentary delusion. He dwelled on what triggered such sudden panic, something in the sight of her once again struck him further than he'd expect. How unfamiliar he was with small gestures further from formalities made him hang on the thought of her making coffee for him over and over, sugarcoating it more than he'd like to admit. "If I'm going to work with you in Arkham I need a way to guarantee that you won't drug me again."
"It offends me that you think I would."
"You didn't have a problem doing so back at that sketchy parking lot."
"Well, that wasn't under the same circumstances as now."
"That's not enough, I need a way to actually be sure you won't drug me."
"You don't trust me?"
"No, actually. I don't." Her eyes briefly shot down to stare at the coffee between his hands, and as they returned to him, without asking anything he knew she wanted to know why he hadn't drank a sip. Her brief stare at the mug and then back at him seemed deliberately explicit, and tacitly communicated offence taken.
"I can only offer you my word." He once again offered his conceited smile and from under the table emerged his arm, inviting to a rather suspicious handshake. His eagerness about getting her to agree on his Arkham deal felt slightly alarming, especially since he offered no certainty that once in his domain he wouldn't have her at his disposal to continue his experiments. He needn't mention that he was testing his drug on the Arkham inmates, and being a psychopharmacologist the reason why he needed Falcone's contacts was probably because of suspicious credentials or a questionable record, why else couldn't he get a job in the asylum on his own then? Her suspicions also arised by the fact that if he really needed to rid himself from the Batman, Falcone had significantly more reasons and manpower to aid him in such department.
Despite all the reasons to not sign her deal with the Devil, even if Y/N were to ask him, it was most likely that Crane would deflect from answering her honestly. After all, as unconventional as his ways and services were, he was just a salesman looking out for his own interests, twisted and deviant ones. Once again she had to remind herself from her own agreement with herself; she had to be willing to surrender her psyche if it meant that she could avenge her brother. She knew she wanted to ruin Batman, and to find congruence in that with Crane gave her a sense of reassurance and tranquillity about her own aspirations. The minute something in her convinced her working with the unhinged Dr. Crane was a good idea, she had already accepted surrendering a portion of her sanity. As long as she reached her goal, it didn't matter.
Before she could hesitate further, she stretched out her hand and held onto his firmly. The handshake was awkward to say the least, as once she presumed the formality was over her attempt to retract her hand was met with his physical insistence to continue holding her. Soon enough, he caught on to her desires and rapidly let go, getting ahold of himself, but she didn't forget how he prolonged the interaction. It took a short stare from their hands to his eyes to indicate that she wanted him to let go. Slowly Y/N began to reluctantly come to terms that she not only had deliberately agreed to work with an unpredictable maniac, but an awkward, touch-deprived one at that. Her hand rapidly slid down to hide between her legs, once again her eyes drifting towards the coffee. May God make this sacrifice worth it. God wouldn't listen to her, her prayers were profane, yet she liked to believe God would.
"I was surprised to hear you needed to talk to me about Y/N." The smoke from Falcone's cigar exuded a sweet scent of tobacco with slight cocoa undertones, which pleased Crane's senses as he leaned back against his backrest, from between his fingers his own cigarette consumed itself. He had previously refused Falcone's offer of a cigar, as the smoke often burned his throat and the flavour wasn't nearly as nice as the smell.
"I was surprised myself to find out she's actually a really smart girl."
"Oh, did you?" Oswald's grin indicated his interpretation of Crane's phrase had led him exactly to where he expected, and he praised himself for his own ability to pick up on people's predictability, Oswald himself having no repairs in his expression of his sexual deviations. Crane's gaze shifted to return to Falcone, anticipating that he'd feed his mystique by tilting his head upwards almost inquisitively and raise his eyebrows only slightly, no visible expression in his eyes under the orange glass that covered them. Almost compliant to Crane's imagination, Falcone followed his predictions almost with absolute precision.
"If she were to quit here, it could be a problem. I'm sure she has no big mouth, but I'm not sure I can let you do that Doctor."
"Oh please, she'd be working for me. As long as I continue to deal for you she's practically playing in the same field." Falcone didn't answer immediately, but instead, like he usually did, paused a short moment to digest and analyse his response. Crane's eagerness to have Y/N work for him didn't go unnoticed by Falcone, who just like everyone else in the room except for Crane, was firmly convinced that Y/N had been subject to being rough-fucked by the Doctor, hence the wounds on her knees and legs. While Falcone and Oswald believed what happened in the intimacy of a man's room with their girls was none of their business, Falcone's intention to pry merely protected his own interests and information.
"So where do you want to take Y/L's sister? To work I mean." As Falcone made the late clarification, his hand holding the cigar gestured towards Crane. To refer to Y/N as 'Y/L's sister' seemed to be a tacit implication that she was a mere extension of her brother, him being an employee to Falcone translated to being practically property.
"She'd be a great asset for me in Arkham. You know there's a lot of your thugs in there skipping jail time thanks to me, it wouldn't make much a difference." Crane's derogatory expression only seemed to be an assertion of his right to be demanding, considering the circumstances with Falcone objectively favoured him far more than Crane. Obviously Falcone knew of the Doctor's operations in Arkham and even provided his ports to import the pharmaceuticals, yet his project held little to no value to the mobster, as it didn't to most people, to most he was just a looney with enough smarts to come up with new drugs. His persistence and intensity seemed convincing enough to Falcone, whose greatest hesitation laid on the idea of Y/N spilling any valuable information she could have heard, especially while working at the 44 Below. Falcone once again relied on fear to entrust her to Crane's hands; fear of consequences, of Falcone, of anything potentially dear to her. He failed to deem her a woman with nothing to loose, and even pitied her, after all her brother was as loyal as a dog to him. He could only assume the same from his flesh and blood.
"I suppose there shouldn't be a problem then." Falcone's head turned to look at Oswald, who after all was the owner of the club and Y/N's official employer. But obviously he didn't object, he couldn't even if he wanted to.
"It's settled then." Falcone begun to got up, but Crane wasn't done yet. He remained seated, to which Falcone rapidly perceived.
"Needed something else, Doctor?" Far from inviting or offering hospitality, Falcone seemed to want to get rid of him as fast as possible. Nothing that bothered Crane though, he knew he sat in a privileged position, and wanted to make use of his advantages as much as he wished to.
"Well, if I'm going to employ her I'd need to know more about her. You say she has a brother that works for you?" Falcone did not return to his seat, but refrained from walking away either.
"Worked. He's dead."
"The Bat beat him up real ugly, used to work at the docks you know?" Crane adjusted his glasses as Oswald filled the void in Falcone's answer, the latter having his interest in the conversation reignite.
"So it wasn't too long ago then?"
"No, I'd say like four months. Don Falcone took her in 'cause she was working a shit job as a cleaning lady in Gotham University, it was just sad, she was like an orphaned runt, her brother was her only family." There was hardly any humanity in Oswald's words of pity. To him, family ties most likely meant less than they did to Falcone, who probably felt it a moral obligation to take her in as a way to return the favour to the family. Crane's expression seemed to freeze for a moment as he processed the information. She not only was no liar, but an orphaned runt. That made a lot of sense, especially where the Batman was concerned. He could only begin to imagine how much emotional anguish it must have meant for her, and how much of that rage must be channelled on the Batman. A small wave of thrill travelled through his body, his fingers slightly twitching at the sensation. Her emotional vulnerability made the idea of Y/N and him seem more and more exciting, and he couldn't wait to take her into Arkham.
"I appreciate your time, that's all." Crane finally spoke, getting up to formally shake the gentlemen's hands before beginning his hunt.
#jonathan crane#scarecrow#jonathan crane x reader#scarecrow x reader#batman#the batman#cillian murphy#nolanverse batman#batman begins#bruce wayne#bruce wayne x reader#batman x reader
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Lost in the forest - part 21
Masterlist
Summary: More politics and discussions are on the way. However, it seems the canon events are starting to take place.
Pairing: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character
Tag: #lost in the forest fic
posted on ao3
Word Count: 2.9k
Overall warnings: canon-typical violence, adult content, time skips, angst, kidnapping
Her eyes are swollen, she cannot deny it with a certain camera reflected in her small bureau next to her bed, among parchments and ink that completely clashes with the type of environment that she was forced to get used to when she realized her sad fate, still surprised by the durable type of battery after two years.
She sighs at the bitter presence that settles at the foot of her door like a ghost not at all empathetic and oblivious to her feelings. “You had them, didn’t you?” Karen breaks the silence without stopping to see what she doesn’t want to disappear.
Tobirama doesn’t comment anything.
“I suppose the cell phone had no salvation... although I have to admit that the way you put it together was almost similar if it weren’t for the fact that you broke the screen. It almost looks like you didn’t do anything to it.” The woman turns to look at the person who still doesn’t share anything of his mind. On the contrary, he crosses his arms insolently, as he usually is around her.
“...”
“Aren’t you curious?” Karen sighs without making an effort to understand so much about this guy, getting up to take the only survivor of her technology and gently turn it on. “This is a camera. It’s used to take photos and I’m glad you didn’t break it.”
Tobirama looks proud and haughty, unwilling to get close.
“Unlike the cell phone,” she looks at the mess still in the bag. “It is resistant, and it only serves for taking images... to remember.”
“Mph...” an ironic laugh from the man.
“It is normal that you are curious, I will not judge you.” She gets tired of trying to have less hostility about it, only because of the value of what this detail really meant to her heart... although cold, it was right to that distant wound that was caused by the absence of her family and being torn from her world.
Her life.
“I am not a foolish civilian.”
“It’s not foolish... to be a civilian,” she huffs with a light puff of cheeks. “Two years here... I think I’ve already proven my worth.”
“I do not think so.”
“Come on, I just want to smooth things over,” the civilian complains with clear annoyance radiating. Their conversations are never kind or cordial, a notable thing about this time. Clear evidence that she no longer sees them as her kidnappers, especially not with this demonstration. “I know that you are behind these coming back to me... thanks to you, I saw my family.”
“Hashirama asked me to do it,” the imposing albino pleasantly excuses with a blunt comment.
“But you gave in,” she sighs with dignity. “If you are curious about technology, I can help you with some things. I’m not a specialist.” She continues rambling by turning on the screen a little. She sees that those austere red eyes shine, but it stops when he sees that she noticed.
“I am not interested, I told you so,” the shinobi snorts indignantly. “Hashirama says that today he will need your help in some new concepts, also... today will be the first course,” the shinobi clumsily adds at the end in neat English. “On first aid and evacuation organization that is has been worked without your help.”
“I see,” Karen sighs seeing that, although she moved away from her activities a little, she was just beginning to be called to do other ones. She turns off the camera to leave it as the most valuable object of her entire existence. “Then let’s go.” She blinks at the light cough of the calm man.
She smiles, seeing that he is still looking at the camera, but she won’t say anything if he doesn’t dare to accept his curious side. In this aspect, he is a lot like Hashirama. She is sure of it. “By the way, before I forget... thanks for bringing my things,” she states to smile slightly at the person who remains as her escort, turning to continue her way away from her bedroom.
The sky is cloudy. Summer is almost over as evidence that this year is once again getting out of her hands. She smiles... her anniversary is not as sad as before.
Karen hopes that maybe... she can one day think of this place as her home, even if her family isn’t with her.
──
Hashirama blinks, looks quickly at Tobirama and then smiles at her. “You are welcome,” the leader accepts when she clearly thanked him for returning her objects back. Karen raises her eyebrow at such a clumsy reaction in the middle of a meeting of processes that would begin to move.
The civilian sighs. “You didn’t know, right?”
“Yes?” Innocent with a nervous laugh, the older man remains firm in his own lie, although it is obvious that he did not... in her eyes, which makes her discreetly palm her face.
“Tobirama?” The woman turns to the person who is like a statue.
He doesn’t comment on anything as a simple statue that doesn’t feel like socializing.
“It’s not something we should worry about, Karen, I’m glad you received your things. Tell me, how do they work?” Hashirama immediately gets the youngest out of trouble with ease, shining with detour away from the serious plan for the following year.
You can tell that he is taking this rapidly... like a leader who doesn’t like paperwork too much.
“Okay, I’ll pretend I believe you.” The woman raises her hand in a symbol of peace. The room is huge, not avoiding sitting on the floor where the table is placed. The leader does the same to approach with an excited gesture. “I didn’t bring it, but I can explain it to you if you come to visit me.”
“Oh...”
“I’d like to introduce you to my family,” she smiles excitedly, a little lighter than before. She didn’t think that in this time of interaction, she still felt chains that bitter her existence, dragging along part of her first bad impression.
Karen smiles, beginning to talk about how little she understands about how technology works, because deep down she never thought about technical details. She was just satisfied with their correct functioning, and understanding the basics so that things turned out the way she remembers they should be.
For the first time, deviating greatly in terms and things from her place of origin.
Her old world.
──
Tobirama is dissatisfied with this proposal declared in the middle of the meeting. Karen sees that there is something emotional in all this, despite the fact that they are trained shinobi who almost drown her in the atmosphere they usually send out and it brings back bad memories.
She feels the tension differently, which makes her take an involuntary step back from such austere rejection.
“It’s the first step, Tobirama.” Hashirama looks firm, not irritated not bothered by the refusal. “That’s why I wanted to talk about it with you two first. I plan to send the letter tomorrow.”
“It can be any clan... why them?” The albino crosses his arms without moving from his place, a force of will that no longer surprises her is carried, which makes her sigh at being the intermediary in all this.
“From what I understand, the Uchihas are the ones who you are mainly at war with, right? I think I see the logic of them being first,” the civilian accepts, shaking off the primordial fear by raising her chin and placing herself right in the middle of the brothers.
The albino frowns to look between them. “You do not understand.”
Karen doesn’t take a step back. “It’s something I’ve been battling during this time. You never answered my questions about it.”
“It is something that has been around for a long time.” Hashirama is the one who answers. “It began with our ancestors.”
“Then it’s practically something you don’t remember... that you have inherited,” the civilian blinks, understanding almost the entire concept.
“It is a matter of pride. The Uchihas have taken everything from us.” Tobirama, although calm, looks sad in those huge, furious red eyes.
“I think both parties have taken away the same thing... that normally happens in war, sometimes even the initial concept is lost, dragging many lives into the shadows of endless battles.” Karen remembers the history of her own world. “Taking the first step does not mean being weak, but rather opening yourself up to the possibility of showing future generations that there is something other than war.”
“You are a civilian, ” Tobirama insists firmly.
“I told you once, one that knows about war,” Karen replies. “Hashirama, this proposal is complicated not only for your clan, but for them as well. Are you aware of everybody you have in your favor and everyone you don’t?” She blinks curiously.
Because it is one thing to be idealistic and another to have the foundations, along with the possibilities that this opens up.
The rejection of his people, the loss of trust and everything that a good leader has as support, being lost due to a bad decission.
Furthermore, she has heard from Mikami that the Uchihas have broken up families... indlucing the brothers’.
“I know what the risk is,” he says, standing firm to look at her. “That is why I came to talk to you about it.”
“You are just notifying us,” Tobirama bites bitterly.
“It’s good that you have approached us, since you will need firm support in case there are doubts or recriminations about it.” The woman sighs, looking between the two of them. “Removing the blood, the history between you is difficult, but if there is a possibility for new generations to train, not to fight a battle whose beginning has been lost, but to work on missions like those we analyzed a long time ago... it will be an advance.”
“You make it sound too easy,” Hashirama complains, sitting drily without any care.
“It will not be.”
“I know, but... it’s my dream.” The leader looks at her from his comfortable sitting position, looking for some indication of doubt that every time he touches on this topic, he fears finding in her civilian eyes.
“You said it,” Karen accepts. “A very noble one, let me tell you,” she complements after a moment of silence. “Tell me, do you think they will accept?”
“I hope so. Madara, he may be headstrong... but I don’t think he has abandoned his dream, ” the leader looks nostalgically at his hands, sinking into his memories. “Besides, his brother has been unwell since the last battle.”
“Tch...” Tobirama just stands harshly next to him. Karen sighs to look at him with a slight frown because at this moment, Hashirama needs all the support when taking this step, one that she has been thinking about since he told her about his situation and his dream.
She can be depressing... a bit selfish, but this world has welcomed her in its cold and distant way, unintentionally becoming close to such a noble character as the brilliant Hashirama, which makes her sigh. “We can use that to our advantage. I understand that the Senju clan has monopolized much of medical matters, right?”
“Yes?” Hashirama raises his eyebrow at her comment.
“Do not you dare,” Tobirama bites her point.
“It’s just insurance to listen to our plan. The deal that you surely have planned, Hashirama.” Karen ignores the squeeze of the albino on her shoulder that, although it seems hard, is surprisingly soft. “Offer a medical exchange in a neutral place to help him... because I hope he hasn’t died yet.”
“No... I know he hasn’t.” The leader now understands her point, standing up quickly. “But I know he doesn’t have much left.”
“Okay. And before that, are you sure that he can be saved with your intervention? ” The girl swiftly asks because she doesn’t want this to be a reinforcement after the war now has a recent motivation, like the death of the enemy leader’s brother at the hands of the Senju... right?
“Yes, it is a wound similar to Masato’s,” the leader remembers firmly, as if he knew all the names of the clan, something that is lost in civilian life, but of little importance.
“Good, because I don’t want it to be used as a new war standard bearer in your hands,” the civilian sighs easily. “Tobirama...”
“I do not agree... but I told you a long time ago that I will support your decisions,” the albino states firmly and although with a reluctant tone, he looks honest. “I will not leave you alone.”
Karen sees that there is some kind of promise between the two, which makes her presence in this place somewhat lost for a few seconds. “Well... having this in mind, it would be good to send the letter now with a time and place. If they present themselves, then the attempt at negotiation will be accepted. If not, well... we must find another way of look out for the future, right?”
Hashirama smiles to take a step with open arms to her spot, tensing her for a few seconds and if it weren’t for Tobirama’s intervention, it would be an embarrassing moment that would bring a small flashback that she didn’t know it could still erupt with the slightest indication of a hug.
“Uh... I’m sorry.” Hashirama looks sad, realizing that she made a kind of horrified face. Karen coughs to shake her head.
“No... no problem... and don’t waste time, that brother’s life is important for our plan, right?” The girl points out, discarding her tight heart to let it go towards her office. Tobirama frowns. “Well, with this finished... I’ll leave,” she sighs easily with an idea in her mind.
Visiting Mikami shouldn’t be that difficult... ignoring any kind of emotion that bubbles up for a few seconds... without paying attention to what’s in the background.
Karen prefers to be blind.
It’s healthier.
──
Karen did not physically participate in each step of the exchange, she was left aside, but the consultations were increasingly longer, uninterrupted and constant that she even slept in the main house with various papers due to the fatigue of the long-lasting discussions of a political tug-of-war.
Not only with that external and enemy clan, but also with those who said that there was a lot to pay... for the memory of the fallen and the blood that flows between them.
But the search for peace was firm in every order of Hashirama, notable for imposing himself even though most of the council was against it. As a civilian, she interfered several times from her point of view and although she does not have the experience that many possess in this place, she knows about history, concepts and things that may be useful.
“Do you think the war will end?” Mikami is next to her, as a regular visitor in the house she has been using to stay since she was caught. She usually bumps into her during a few moments of rest, when the two most important men of the clan go to do their own jobs.
The babbling of a baby is the only thing that makes her happy and brings her back to the present. He is almost two months old and although she knows it can’t be seen, she notices that he is intelligent. Little Matsuo aims to be lively like many of the children she has seen in the clan.
Even more than the boy who usually visits her and she knows has become Hashirama’s disciple to be a doctor. Masarato has successfully completed his first aid training along with a direct pass to specialize.
Something that very few do.
“They’re working on it,” the civilian sighs with the little she knows.
“I see,” her friend looks at the baby. “I hope so.”
“I’m glad to hear that from you...” The woman huffs calmly with the baby in her arms, sleepy from so much rocking. “There are many who think otherwise.”
“Well, perhaps. Although I lost my family by their hands... if it ensures that Matsuo does not have to fight, that is fine...” She sighs with a soft but painful tone that she notices from her kunoichi companion, which makes her tighten her grip on her shoulder.
“I know it’s difficult. Even Tobirama and Hashirama are fighting to leave behind what has happened. However, it is an opportunity for future generations.”
“I know. And if Hashirama-sama needs me after my rest ends... I will be there with pride, especially if he achieves peace.”
“It will be difficult to adapt, but I have faith that you will manage to get used to it when the ceasefire is confirmed,” she smiles with a word that, although she cannot adapt it in this langauge... Karen has stopped speaking a lot in English because she deals more and more with people other than the Senju brothers, one thing that she will not point out despite the time.
Which makes her look at the sky with excitement in her chest... because after so much work, conflicts and so on, hearing that peace will be formally signed at a neutral point was exciting. However, why would she have to go?
Karen didn’t know what she would witness... the beginning of a dream that would become a will.
The future of the will of fire... and the Village Hidden in the Leaves, a story that will make its way little by little.
Oblivious to the true weight of her actions, because if she realized... she would notice that there are changes. Two Uchiha brothers and two Senju brothers would be the main protagonists in this dramatic adjustment.
An attempt at peace.
A/N: A chapter that took me a long time to finish, but here it is. Karen has inadvertently made an adjustment to everything that supposedly happened. Of course, she doesn’t know where she is, so she just practically used everything in favor to confirm something that she supposes would take longer (it isn’t said exactly, but Hashirama and Madara make peace long after Izuna’s death), but the poor thing is just a civilian.
Now, with this said, what will happen next? Will Konoha be as it should be? What will the Uchihas be like with a civilian? ...I don’t know, but will find out soon 😀 and in the meantime, our dear girl has already gotten used to speaking the language that she hardly uses hers.
So there will be almost no bold highlighting from now on... yoo-hoo!
Author-chan out!
#lost in the forest fic#warring states period#angst#senju tobirama#tobirama x reader#tobirama x oc#ocs#hashirama senju#naruto#naruto shippuden#naruto fanfiction
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Ask game:
#7 for all games. Considering most people hate your most special little guy due to fanon characterization, I was wondering if you feel that way about a different blorbo?
7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?
Oohh nooooo you're gonna make me get people Angry at me... dangerous game. Dangerous game.
Well, let's see... You said all games so I'm ignoring media like ONE for now,
HK: Well, honestly, I can't say there's any character I've come to hate due to the fandom. I find the HK fandom is (MOSTLY) pretty good about fanon characterization. MOSTLY. MOSTLY.
The only character I look at and kinda... I dunno, grit my teeth over? Would be the Pale King. And I am choosing my words carefully now, because I know he is a Very Popular subject in the fandom, for all very fair and valid reasons, but....................
I don't know. Something about how fanon treats that guy makes me recoil more often that not. In more ways than one.
It's the thing where fanon has no idea how to handle morally grey characters, and so most depictions of PK I see are either totally sand-papered (not really woobified, a word I cannot stand, just... painted in a far nicer light than I would give him) or demonized beyond belief.
also idk man taking one of the most morally compelling characters and reducing him to one of two things (evil baby killer who killed babies because he's evil and hates babies vs. a dressed up cute hamster to put in your pocket) is just. well. I'm not super into it, I'll be honest
So I'm just. Wary, I guess, of depictions of the Pale King shdgKJH. Not necessarily that I hate the character, just. Well. U know.
AHIT: Vanessa, next media
COTL: Hmrmgm. I gotta think. The problem here is that COTL's canon characterization is . Limited, so the fanon being buckwild and inconsistent makes sense,,,, aka there's no really established? Fanon? Things are everywhere! And I haven't been here long enough for any one fandom perception to irritate me, I think.
HOWever. And. I say this quietly, at the end of this post, where no one now following me after two Narinder-focused posts blew up will see it, i've seen so much of that cat I'm getting a little tired of him
LIKE I love the potential of Narinder, I love what the fandom HAS done with him (for the most part), but he's. Everywhere. He's getting 110% of the attention.
When I was in the AHIT fandom I understood Snatcher getting more attention than everyone because, in blunt honesty, he was the only one that got even the tiniest smidge of character development in the source material, but. For Cotl???????? I'd argue everyone's pretty even on that, AKA everyone is SUPER VAGUE and open to interpretation.
so like. There is not nearly enough content of everyone else compared to Narinder, in my opinion. Can everyone look at the other bishops for a second . BEYOnd their interactions with Narinder, even if those are extremely fun and I also indulge in them (not pretending I haven't lmao).
better yet Can we start looking at............ characters that aren't the bishops..................
such as. s
#i feel like there's other games i'm missing but these are the only three coming to mind rn that I'd have an opinion on#ask#violence ask game
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Please Read
So, I want to share with you a few things. Rules for Requesting, a little FAQ, and Will and Won't Write List. I've been meaning to make this, and I have a separate page for it, but not many people think of visiting said page because not many people use them. So I figured I would also post this here. If you ever have any questions, don't ever hesitate to send me an anon ask if you want to ask without revealing yourself, or just drop an inbox. Sorry for the long post.
1. You must be 18+. I will not accept a request from someone who comes off as anything less than 18. This is for my own safety and the safety of my blog. I cannot stress this enough! Minors DO NOT INTERACT (DNI).
2. Please be respectful. I know you want your request filled and you’re eager to see the finished product, but please request with respect. Don’t assume I’m going to take your request because it’s blunt and to the point. You have manners, please use them. I frequently get demands rather than requests. Please use your manners I cannot stress that enough.
3. Please be patient with your request. Sometimes it takes me a day or three to get it out. You are not ignored. I tend to put your requested fic in your ask. If you feel the need to inbox me repeatedly about your request because it’s genuinely taking me a bit, we will have issues. Please, keep in mind I am not a machine. Remember I write for you not for myself.
4. Please try to keep it Character x Reader. Sometimes I will do a character X OC or Character x Character but I tend to write Character x Reader more.
5. To fall in line with number one. Please have your age in your bio if you are going to interact with my work. Ageless and blank blogs will be blocked. Your age is not private information. And it is to keep us both in the clear. Minors interacting with NSFW/Adult content is illegal and I would rather avoid the law okay? So just put your age in your bio… or at least some indication of it… and just putting No minors or 18+ doesn’t really count.
Q. Do you have a masterlist?
A. I do. It's right here.
Q. Do you write for anything other than Hannibal.
A. Yes I do! Don’t ever hesitate to send me new characters, or even RPF requests! I write so much Hannibal at times I dread writing! So please! Give me breaks! Send me your people! Whether I’ve watched, played or heard of them before I will do it. I pride myself on not limiting what or who I write for, while I have my popular ones that are requested (Hannibal being a popular request) I do not like to limit myself, if I am unsure of a character I’ll watch a movie, a clip and research the character and their surroundings. So if it isn’t in my masterlists and you would like to have it written don’t hesitate to ask or just send in your request.
Q. Do you write for people other than F!Reader?
A. Yes, I do, while F!Reader is easiest for me due to being one, I will write for Male, Female, Trans, Gender Neutral, you give me the right amount of details, I will write it for you not a problem. While I prefer to write F!Reader as a default, doesn’t mean I won’t write other things.
Q. Why won’t you write HanniGram?
A. Personally, it’s not that I dislike or do not support homosexuality, I mean fuck I’m married to a woman, I am just not a fan of the pairing, just like I am not a fan of Destiel or Stucky… Now yes, some of the art is fuckin adorable, and yes some of the memes and such, but I won’t write it. It’s mostly because I prefer Character X Reader and not Character X Character.
Q. Will you write POC?
A. Absolutely! Again, following along with the F!Reader question, you give me enough detail… I will write it out!
Q. Why don’t you add body detail to the reader?
A. I don’t want to assume the reader/requester is super thin with long hair. Or plus sized with short hair. Unless specified that reader is…. say plus sized, I’m not going to write it. Same goes for someone who doesn’t indicate that they would like the reader to be of color. I keep it neutral because I would rather the reader see themselves rather than the detail I put in there. To be it’s far more personal that way and less.. “Well that was a read killer.“
Q. Do you Roleplay?
A. You know what?! I DO! Now I prefer discord RP right now, I am not a fan of roleplay through Tumblr. I also RP original built characters. Now I’m not opposed to you rping as a character, but chances are I will not take on said character.
Q. Do you write RPF or AU?
A. I do. As stated above. I pride myself on not limiting what or who I write for. I’ve written a few RPF pieces and I don’t mind it at all. Just tell me what it is you’re lookin for.
Q. Do you write things other than smut?
A. Yes! It's as simple as requesting it.
Q. How long have you been creative writing?
A. I’ve been creative writing for a very long time, let me just say my creative writing age can legally drink now! LOL I love to write, I love being creative and I love when the requester is involved and excited about it, it makes it so much more worth it to me to produce the content. I’ve been roleplaying just as long so to me, writing is almost second nature.
Okay, now, there’s not much in the way of what I will not write. So I will provide you a list of what I will not write.
1. Minor Characters or Minor Readers
2. Pedophilia in any light.
3. Bestiality in any light. (Monster fucking is different in my opinion… I’ll write werewolf smut anyway.)
4. The same request for different characters.
5. I have a hard time with writing yandere readers… for some reason they piss me off, does that mean I won’t write for them? No, that just means you may end up with a shorter than usual fic if I am having a hard time with it.
Okay, now that that is out of the way. I truly have no real limits. My trigger warnings are vast. They very.
►Yandere!Character
►Dark!Character/Fic
►Bondage
►Rape
►Murder
►CNC
►Dub-con
►Blood & Gore
►Powerplays
►Sex in public places
►Group sex
►Adult Grooming
►Stockholm Syndrome
►Sexual slavery
►Drugs & Liquor use
►Kinks - blood, daddy, breeding, pregnancy, gun, knife, military, uniform…
►You know what… When in doubt, just ask. Chances are I’ll write it!
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The fact that you would rather have Stede and Ed suffer than be happy together, so much so that you construct an elaborate head canon where STEDE IN PARTICULAR SUFFERS makes you a fucking asshole.
Aksjdhdhs this is so funny to me.
First of all, i dont owe you a response, i want to clarify that you reaching out anonymously to tell me this in this way rather than opening a conversation with me says more about you than me.
But as my first ever anon hate, I want to use this as a teachable moment because this is a big moment that i got anon hate for the first time LOL.
So once, and only once, I will address this.
Personally, I am a therapist in training. My life and career is built on helping people because I love people and see the best in the world as a whole.
Personally, I cannot watch dramas because watching people in (unresolved) pain has a significant impact on my mood.
To add to that, I cannot read or watch things with an unhappy ending, with very few exceptions.
For that reason, i LOVE hurt/comfort. Through my career & my personal life i have witnessed a lot of pain and suffering, and it makes me sad, but its a fact of life. So what I do is i write the pain and suffering that I see, that Ive felt, that i sometimes still feel, and i make it into content that ends happily, with love, support, self advocacy and understanding. I like to have characters comfort one another, but I like to emphasize personal growth. That is, i LOVE when characters can begin to rely on themselves through the process of pain and suffering, rather than only relying on a love interest.
I wonder which of my many posts made you reach out for this comment, because l, of all of the headcanons and writing ive posted within the past two weeks, i believe one (maybe two?) Posts have not ended happily and with relief, acknowledgement, & comfort. So no, enjoying the relief from pain is not something that makes me an asshole. Even if i didnt enjoy happy endings, many people find comfort in those stories because it helps them remember that, even when things end unhappily, there is ALWAYS something to enjoy along the way. You cannot know a person by the content they create, not unless that content frames the abuser or the person causing pain as a protagonist, that MAY suggest something else, but we can never know for certain.
Now, to address why its always Stede.
Ill be honest with you, i have never related to a character more than i have related to Stede.
He is flawed, blunt, oblivious, but hes also kind, empathetic, and someone who sees the best in everyone. When i describe Stede, i describe him as me before I spent years working on myself in therapy, and before i became a therapist myself.
So why do i hurt him so often?
Well, if Im honest, its because I think of the ways ive been hurt, and on top of that i think of the ways i caused MYSELF hurt because i was so blinded by trauma and self hatred that I didnt see it - i didnt see that i was increasing my own hurt, i didnt see that i was hurting others.
I was lucky to have a therapist point this out. The way my self hatred hurt others, the ways it was self-sabotoging.
Stede will see it one day, and I like to create scenarios where he does. I like to explore how this impacts him, often using the lense of how it hurt me.
When i wrote my april fools post about stede, it was after a revelation in my friends DMs about how my own traumatic experience with bullying did, and still does impact my perception of vulnerability.
Importantly, i like to end it with comfort, because i like to remind myself, and others who relate so deeply to stede, that there is hope. We can feel this desperately lonely, this deeply traumatized, and we can come out the other end. We can be deserving of comfort and warmth, we can be self-compassionate. Moreover, that self compassion will make us kinder.
Being kind to myself has made me kinder. I hope some day it can do that for you, anon.
Oh, and my ideal season 2 is an episode 1 reunion. Me coming up with ideas that happen to be angsty doesnt mean i want that. Hence the "eating my own face" at the top of the post LMAO
I hope this helped you understand me a little better, and if Im incredibly lucky, youll think twice before sending something like this to someone else. But i wont hold my breath.
Enjoy the knowledge that you were my first anon hate, and anyone reading this, please remember that this will be the last time i address one of these 🥰
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