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bufomancer · 2 years

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I know I’ve been focusing a lot on the foster hams lately so here is a comprehensive update post on all my pets

Reptiles & Amphibians

Meryt is doing great, I want to do some revamping in his terrarium soon once I have more time and money but it’s not crucial

Lucky is in her “not eating for breeding season” phase of the year but is otherwise in good health and very active

Boots has forgotten that people exist because she rarely sees them at my mom’s but is otherwise doing well. Still need to plan if I’m moving her to my apartment this year or waiting till next June when we move. I’d prefer to have her with me, but her viv is such a pain to move.

Niobe is doing great and took her first quail recently, and then back to a rat for her next feeding. This is great news, many are worried about giving variety to their ball pythons in case they get picky and only want one prey source but she had no qualms about going back to rats. I’m planning a rat for her next feeding and then either a quail or a soft fur :-)

Ricearoni is growing for sure!! He’s been active recently and I think I may need to size up to larger pinkies for him. He’s not quite fuzzy size though.

Freak is also doing well. I dug him up the other day to check on him and he looks healthy. He swam in his pool for a bit not too long ago, as evidenced by the dirt I found in there. I want to get him a bigger swimming area.

Rodents

Clover, Cardamom, Dracula, & Mick are still their happy energetic little selves. The soft furs (so all but Mick) have developed papillomas on their tummies and tails but so far they aren’t affecting their quality of life. Fingers crossed it’ll be a long time before I need to consider euthanasia. They’re not quite a year old yet. But papilloma growths are exceedingly common in soft furs.

Panko and Badger are also doing well. I split Dog off from them (more on that later in the post) and they seem content enough just the two of them but I may introduce Trowel to them when he arrives, we’ll see.

Miquella, Melania, Harrowhark, and Palamedes are getting so big and so crazy. I am planning to upgrade them in the near future since four soft furs in a 100qt bin is starting to feel cramped! Worst case scenario, I’ll split off two of them into their own 100qt bin.

The ladies (Wonder, Rowe, Mooncake, Mochi, Vendrick, Gwyndolyn, Butter, and Goose the soft fur boy) are overall doing pretty well. Wonder is on her way out, unfortunately, but she’s still getting around okay and snuggles with her friends. It won’t be long now, though. Rowe is pretty old, nearly two- I got her last September and her and Rix (now deceased) were christmas gifts- but she’s still bright and active so I am hopeful she’ll have a few more months in her at the very least. Mooncake and Mochi will turn two at the end of October, so I don’t expect them to see next spring but they’re both in great health so I am hoping they’ll make it to two years old and maybe even through the end of the year. Vendrick, Gwyndolyn, and Butter are all under a year and in great health. Hopefully they will stay that way, but who knows what’s going on in their genetics. Goose is about a year now but still in good health and soft furs can live 3-4 so I’m not worried about him. When my lady colony decreases in size I may swap them into a 100qt bin and put the soft fur quartet into their 200qt bin if I don’t get them their own 200qt bin.

Florian is shockingly still alive and doing fairly well. He gets pain meds and antibiotics and essentially is in hospice. He’s two years old now. He gets around okay, but his bad eye is very swollen. Pain meds are helping. If they stop helping, it’ll be time for euthanasia. For now, though... I’m hoping he’ll pass quietly on his own.

Dog is also not doing too well and I suspect on his way out. We’re not sure exactly what’s going on but no one else is affected so likely something isolated or opportunistic. We’re trying some meds, if they don’t work we’ll try something else. He’s over a year and a half and came from really truly filthy conditions so I suspect this may just be his time. Mouse lifespans are shit.

Katie Hamster is about a year old now and still acting the same as the day I got her, full of life and happy to burrow all day and all night.

Rat & Yoshi the foster hamsters are both doing great. Rat is so sweet and friendly, I can’t believe she hasn’t had an application yet! Yoshi I am planning to look into an elimination diet for to see if his allergies are dietary rather than environmental. And I’m hoping I can hand tame him so he will be more adoptable.

Also, Cecil & Holly my cats are both doing fantastic :-)

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greenthey · 1 month

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Lately I feel when energetic cords are siphoning from me as literal physical pain/discomfort. Today it was a black silverfish made from myself. I pulled the Moon card and it has a literal black crayfish on it. Built-in armor.

Why is it so hard to let go of pain? (3 of Swords rx)

Depression is a protective mechanism. It stops us from doing the things that hurt us before. The mind can know logically that circumstances have changed but the same old chemical reactions in the body are triggered.

The pic is from my family's summer vacation in 2009 after my grandma died. I was extremely depressed, from the loss but also because I had never been kissed and felt extremely unlovable. I decided if I still felt like dying in a year I would swim towards the moon. And weirdly, that gave me enough energy to change my life a little bit at a time. Go on mental health meds. Try to leave my dorm room and make friends. Kiss several other emotionally unhealthy people, once I was manic enough to be brave.

I don't know how to get my brain to the middle ground where it is possible to flow back into the sea but not drown (3 of Wands). Logic alone cuts both ways, because unfortunately I am a very literal bitch. (Ace of Swords)

The Moon holds no answers. It says the clouds will move at some point. The crayfish is a symbol of transformation, too. And cycles that I must roll with even though they hurt.

Card of guidance: 9 of Pentacles. The bird's helmet blinds it. My painbody thinks it will be painful, to take it off. I have to find a way to brave again, like last time I wanted to die. The flowers on the woman's dress say to ground down into the body, into the Earth. Remember who you are. Remember no one can truly take anything from you. Remember you are abundant, even when you feel like a void.

#tarot journal #op

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elijahkelly · 9 months

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8/20/2023

I'm going to start by quickly going through some stuff that has been going on in my life that is huge and I would love to talk about later, but is not the purpose of this post.

Firstly, I got food poisoning from Cookout. It was so fucking horrible and I was incredibly miserable for a week, I went over 5 days without eating, and it not only took a toll on me physically, but also mentally. In conjunction with not being able to keep down my Prozac, being bedridden and helpless for a week while you watch your body destroy itself really ruins the self esteem.

Next, a friend of mine passed away last weekend. We worked together at my gym and he was always a fun and energetic person. Some shitty cards were dealt his way, and it was just too much for him. We went to his funeral this past Thursday, and it's been pretty tough for all of us who knew and loved him.

I was also recently made aware that Dylan does in fact have an engagement ring somewhere. He has already bought it, some people have already seen it, and I will be engaged soon. Like, within the next few months, presumably. He said he doesn't know if he's going to do it in the winter or the spring.

Two new people moved into my apartment. Dawson, who took Heather's room, and Aysiah, who took Dylan's room.

Lastly, we started classes last week! I am officially a college senior, and this time next year I will have a college degree. I am incredibly nervous, however, about the grad school search.

Those were pretty significant things that have happened lately, but were not my reason for writing this.

I wanted to make this post to voice my neuroticism about a situation that has really been stealing my focus as of late. I ran out of my Prozac shortly after getting over my food poisoning, and I will not be able to refill that prescription until I make an appointment to meet with my psychiatrist to see if any adjustments need to be made to my medication. So for the last week, I have been off my meds. I felt fine at first, but the last couple of days it has become glaringly obvious that I need to get back on them.

Because I've been off my meds for so long, I have been incredibly sensitive about my relationships with my friends. Specifically, Trent and Ozzy. They have quickly become two of my best friends, and they have also become incredibly close with one another. They have started hanging out with one another very often, which is fine of course. Off my meds, though, I think my brain is struggling to handle them being better friends with each other than they are with me. I have been so confident and self-assured lately, but that's been disrupted by my lack of medicine, so my insecurities of being outcast have started to resurface. Suddenly I really care when they spend time together without me, because my brain chooses to think that it equates to them liking me less. The logic behind it is that the more they spend time together without me, the more they might think that they don't need me.

There is another thing though. A couple nights ago, I went to a party with Dylan, Ozzy, Trent, and Grant. After the fact, Ozzy and Trent came back to my apartment with me and Dylan, and we sat in my room and talked for a while. Ozzy then said he was going to take Trent home, and they left. Being neurotic while also making sure they were okay, I watched their locations after they left. And I watched as both of their location icons went to Ozzy's house. Ozzy told me he made it home, but I never heard anything from Trent. I could see, though, that they were both at Ozzy's house. And I'm not going to lie, it made me upset. They went off to hang out together without me. I felt unimportant, forgotten, small. But I'm close with them, so I was comfortable mentioning how I felt. I texted Trent about it the next day, and he proceeded to tell me that he and Ozzy made out that night. That did not make me feel better. I, being in a relationship, have no right to speak on who decides to do anything with whoever else. But it didn't feel great to read that my two best friends were off behind my back making out and shit. I guess I'm nervous that they'll have some issue come up between them and it'll throw a wrench in our relationships? Maybe I'm upset that them doing this stuff together is solidifying a position where they like each other more than me. I don't know. But it sucks. They have full autonomy, but their actions made me feel like shit, and those feelings are just as valid as their decisions.

I don't know if I want to talk about it much more right now. Typing it all out honestly made me a little more upset about it, so I'm gonna end this here and brood for a while.

Bye for now.

#gay #lgbt #lgbtq #nonbinary #life #update

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mystery-star · 3 years

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Shipping Experiment– Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: involuntary drunkenness

Words: 3686

A/N: I got this idea when I stumbled upon a BTS picture of the AOS movie productions. Then I discussed it with @cleversturmhond and decided it had to be written. I know the pic is for AOS but can be read for TOS as well.

Please do not repost my work on other sites or platforms!

Being an Ensign usually meant that you couldn’t go on many away missions. So it was always something very special for you to get chosen. You only hoped that your husband had no saying in it because you wanted to be chosen because of your skills and not the fact that you were married to the Chief Science Officer and First Officer of the ship. On the other hand, if it had been Spock’s idea to take you on the mission, it probably had a logical reason, after all he always claimed that he did not make emotional decisions while on duty. Maybe you could ask him later on who had had the idea to allow you to come to the mission.

For a reason you were surprised to learn that the aliens that lived on the planet were very friendly because so far you had usually only heard stories of how the landing party had been almost killed or abducted by the inhabitants of the planet. The natives even invited you for dinner and the Captain immediately agreed. You on the other hand didn’t know if it was such a good idea to just eat foreign food, what if it was poisonous for you? Sure, Kirk claimed that the alien’s physiology was not that different from your own but it still was no guarantee that the food would not hold and unpleasant surprises.

Unfortunately, the meal tasted a bit bland but otherwise it was very good and you ate a lot, probably more than usual. They even served some kind of ‘dessert’, just that it consisted of a bitter drink. After the meal, you were allowed to watch some kind of welcome dance the natives did for you and also encouraged all of you to dance as well. To your surprise, even Spock joined them a bit later, but probably only because four of your hosts were pulling on his arms and trying to get him up and on the dance floor. With determined steps he came over to you, offering you his hand

“Do you mind?”

“I’d love to” you said, taking his hand and placing the other hand on his shoulder. When you had first seen what a skillful dancer he was, you almost couldn’t believe it. Even less that he had never taken dance lessons in secret and just seemed to be a whiz kid, like at everything else. Not that you minded though, it was something you loved about him, how good he was at everything or how quickly he learned if something was indeed new for him. You amused yourself very much and also Spock seemed to do so. But then you saw him smile at you and in shock you let go of him “What’s wrong’” you asked.

“What are you referring to?”

“Your smile, you just smiled”

“I do not believe I did. You must have imagined it”

“Yeah sure, let’s just deny it all as if it was a shame” you said, gently taking hold of him again to continue your dance. Probably you would have just forgotten about it, if his smile had not etched itself into your memory and made it hard to be forgotten. And it wasn’t just his smile, suddenly, he also leaned his forehead against yours and pulled you closer, letting out a small sigh. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Your definition of ‘okay’ is unclear” he muttered

“I want to know if you’re feeling as usual. Or if you think that something’s off”

“Nothing is ‘off’. I simply enjoy having you close”

“Well I take that as a compliment” you pecked his cheek. While some of the other crewmembers seemed to have had enough, Spock was still twirling you around, even more energetic than before. And at times you could have sworn to see a big smile on his face. Finally, the Captain approached you

“I didn’t know dancing made you that happy”

“What are you trying to say?”

“That you’re grinning like a Cheshire cat” Spock raised an eyebrow

“You are referring to the animal from Alice in Wonderland”

“Yeah. You have something of him right now”

“Is it true?’” he asked looking at you

“Yeah you have been smiling at times But that’s okay. As long as it means you’re feeling happy that’s perfect”

“I would not call it ‘perfect’. I do not like not being in control of my emotions” you had stopped dancing by now

“So what are we gonna do? Do you want to go back to the ship?”

“Perhaps that would be a good solution. Then I can extend my meditation period”

“And leave poor (Y/N) all alone down here?” Kirk said, patting your back.

“Or I can just leave with him” you said “I kinda am getting tired from all the dancing”

“I apologize” Spock said “If you wish to accompany me back to the ship you are welcome to do so”

“Perfect” also Jim gave a nod and so your husband and you left the place after bidding your hosts goodbye and requested to be transported back to the ship. On the way to your shared quarters, Spock took your hand and squeezed it. You checked the time “It’s only 2014 hours. Would you like to do something?”

“If you do not mind I would like to engage in meditation for some time”

“Right, you said that you’d do that. I’ll just be reading something then”

Two hours later, Spock was still in the bathroom for meditation. But unless most times he was talking to himself. With a sigh you got up and stopped in front of the door. Of course you knew he didn’t like to be disturbed and that meditation was private to Vulcans. Yet you gently knocked at the locked door.

“Are you okay?” you asked with a quiet voice but got now answer “Spock?”

“Yes”

“Sorry for disturbing you but you were talking and I wanted to see if you’re alright”

“I am” he said “Test Object Leonard... Time: 1.28 seconds”

“What are you doing?” you asked, entering the code to open the door. You didn’t know what to say when you saw what he was doing. He had rid himself of his meditation robes and was standing at the sink in underwear, a dozen or more of origami swans or folded boats, made from toilet paper were sitting on top of the sink. In his hand, he held your lip balm, which he obviously had used to write something on the mirror “Oh Spock” you said, not sure if it was a good idea to laugh “What’s this?”

“I want to find out how long it takes until the figures are soaked with water and unfold”

“Oh well… uh” you only knew one thing. This was not normal behavior for your husband “What about your robes?” he looked at the pile of clothes, something else atypical because usually he carefully folded and put his clothes away unless he put it in the laundry box (and even for in there he did fold them a little).

“I took them off so they will not get wet”

“Well okay” you moved closer and watched, how he launched a swan called Sulu and noted that it was soaked within 1.31 seconds before noting name and the time on the mirror “Come on, you can drown more toilet paper tomorrow”

“I do not drown it. It is an experiment”

“You still can continue it tomorrow”

“Then the conditions might be different”

“Shouldn’t something be tested under different conditions?” he looked at you then turned back to his ‘experiment’, putting the next thing into the water, this time a boat called Sulu. You had the impression that he had each a swan and a boat that were named after someone of the crew. When you checked the list, you saw that also your name was at the top of the list, making you smile. “Come” you said “You can finish tomorrow. I think you have enough data for today” you pointed at the mirror

“I am not done yet”

“We continue tomorrow. I’ll help you” he looked at you

“Then I can get started with the report now”

“Or we go to bed. It’s late”

“I usually write my reports at around that time”

“Yeah but usually don’t soak toilet paper figures in the sink either. Let’s go” he looked at you

“No!” he said, rather fiercely, making you wince

“Spock!” you insisted “I don’t know what’s wrong with you but you are not alright right now. So let me get you to bed or I’ll call McCoy”

“He will be off duty by now” he grabbed the next swan but you took hold of his wrist.

“I can just call med bay. I bet you’d hate someone else looking at you even more”

“I do not need a doctor, I am fine”

“Don’t you usually not use the word fine because it has no logical definition just like ‘okay’?”

“It does, I only tried to make it clear to you by using your vernacular” still he started a lecture of the different meanings of the two words, depending on the context. You sighed and gently tried to lead him away from the sink and to your surprise and relief he complied. As long as he was talking, you could get him back to your bed room and hand him his sleeping shirt which he put on without further ado. But then he was done with his explanation and the started behaving like a kid again, refusing to but on his pajama trousers and insisted he had to continue his experiment.

“No you don’t. If you go back into the bathroom, I’ll throw all your boats and swans into the toilet and flush them” he stared at you and his mouth fell open slightly. You couldn’t hide a grin

“I will make new ones” he said and left for the bathroom

“No!” you shouted and wrapped your hands around his waist, trying to stop him. But since he was stronger than you, due to his Vulcan heritage, he managed to walk to the bathroom anyways. So you let go of him and went to the intercom instead, contacting Med bay that they came to have a look. After all it was possible that his state could be dangerous. You were quite certain it had to do with something that happened on the planet, probably something he ate or drank. When you ended the communication, you saw that Spock wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. He also wasn’t in the bedroom either “Spock?” you called but you got no answer. His figures were still standing on the sink but you noticed that his lute was gone. With a sigh you started the computer on the desk “Computer, where is Commander Spock?” you asked, not wanting to search him. Besides, he could be everywhere.

“Commander Spock currently is in recreation room 3 on deck 5”

“Oh” you said and left your quarters hurrying there as fast as you could. The scene you saw did shock you but you still had to pull back to not start laughing. It was even worse than what you had seen in the bathroom in your quarters. Spock was still only wearing his nightshirts, boxers and was sitting on one of the tables, seeming to be tuning his lute. And of course he was not alone in the rec room and almost everyone was staring at him or you “Spock!” you hissed as you slowly approached him “What are you doing, honey?” you placed a hand on his arm

“I am not making honey” you rolled your eyes

“I can see that. It wasn’t a question. I meant you by honey”

“Why?”

“You’re not in a state to discuss this. Come, let’s go back. You still have your experiment to finish”

“I am off duty” he said trying out his lute again.

“Well then we just go to bed. Or are you hungry again? Just let’s get you out of here. People are watching” you said quietly. At that, his head shot up and he glared at the people in question and they were quick to look away or pretend to focus on something else. You sighed “Come on. We can come back when you put pants on” he looked down his legs “Yes, you’re only wearing underwear”

“That is not underwear” he gestured at his shirt

“Yeah. But this” you pointed at his boxers. Come” you offered him your hand but he slapped it away, putting a foot on his table and started to play on the lute.

“I would like to play you a song”

“You can do this when I’m in bed. Because I’m very tired” you faked a yawn “Then you can help me fall asleep. How does that sound?”

“As if you think my song is boring” he pouted and you shook your head.

“That’s not what I meant. But it is very calming. And it’s been a long day. Are you not tired?”

“I am Vulcan”

“That doesn’t answer the question” he didn’t say anything and you sighed “Fine” you pulled your hand back and gave a nod, walking over to the intercom to contact Med Bay again because the doctor had to come here and not your quarters. You probably didn’t’ have the strength (or will) to bring your husband back to his quarters. When you were done, you also contacted the Captain to tell him what was going on and to let him know that maybe Spock wouldn’t come to work tomorrow

“What do you mean by ‘behaving odd’? Is it a Spocksih odd we’re used of him or odd odd?”

“Odd odd. Unless he’s sitting on the tables in rec room just wearing his boxers and playing his lute each day”

“No, you’re right that is odd. When did he start behaving like that?”

“I don’t know. He went mediating when we returned. But maybe his smiles on the planet already had to do with his situation”

“Did you let McCoy know?”

“He’s got off, so I contacted Med Bay”

“Very well. Do you need help?”

“Are you already back?”

“Yeah, we all are by now”

“Oh okay. But no, I called for a doctor he’ll help me to bring Spock back home”

“Perfect” you turned around to your husband

“Oh fuck”

“What? What is he doing now?”

“No idea”

“How do you mean that?”

“Because he’s gone. He’s not here anymore”

“Do you need help searching him?”

“Only if you don’t mind”

“My friend and First Officer is running around the ship drunk and half naked. Of course I can make time to search him”

“Good” you quickly discussed where you would go looking (respectively that you’d ask the computer for his location again) before contacting Med Bay yet another time to let them know that you had lost your husband again. Then you went to the next computer to hear his location. As it seemed he currently wasn’t in a room but was still underway to wherever he was heading. That was if he had a place he wanted to go. As you followed his path, you stopped to ask a computer again and when you heard where Spock was, you sped up even more. He had gone to the Pharmacology lab and in his state you had no idea what he’d do and he could get himself killed if he did something wrong. When you arrived at the lab, two people of sickbay were already there, talking to your husband. “What’s going on?” you asked, taking your husband’s hand.

“Your explanations made me realized that something is indeed wrong with me. I was trying to find something against it” he gestured at two small vials in front of

“Did he take anything?”

“No, luckily not” the nurse said while the doctor ran a scanner over Spock

“Is he okay?”

“No” Spock replied, making you squeeze his hand. To your surprise he pulled you closer until your head was resting against his chest. Suddenly he let out a yelp and when you looked up you saw how the doctor had injected a hypo into Spock’s neck. At the same time as your husband you asked what it was and were told that it something that would help him calm down a bit. The nurse then continued explaining that everything was alright so far and he just seemed drunk. So you should just take him back to your quarters and let them know in case something happened. With a grin you shook your head.

“What did you do huh?” you nudged his arm, making him glance down at you

“I did not take anything”

“On the planet. But you couldn’t know. We all didn’t. Now let’s get you to bed and tomorrow everything will be better” also Kirk now arrived in the lab and was asking what was going on, whereupon he received a briefing from the doctor.

“And he’s fine now?”

“He’s always been fine. But (Y/N) should keep an eye on him, just in case. But I don’t think something will happen. I’d take some blood but I have the impression that in his state he will not allow it”

“What if you wait until the sedative you gave him works?”

“Of course we could but as far as I can see he’s fine. Just not used to being drunk. I only thought we could find out what put him in that state. Maybe we’ll have to take some blood if he gets worse which he shouldn’t”

“Okay, that’s great to hear” you said with a nod and when you saw, how your husband slightly slackened you took hold of his arm

“It’s starting wo work” the nurse commented and you tried to lead him back to your shared quarters which you only could when also Kirk took hold of him and helped you. Together you more or less dragged Spock back to your quarters and after asking if you could manage, the Captain left you. Spock pulled you to the bed, sat down on its edge and after you were in his lap, he embraced you tightly.

“Careful” you muttered “Don’t forget how strong you are and your thousand lectures about how you could snap all my bones just like that” he didn’t reply but nuzzled the side of your neck. “How about you let me get ready for bed and then we can lie down and cuddle until we fall asleep?” again he did nothing so you let out a sigh “Aren’t you tired?”

“Not very much. However, I wish to hold you longer”

“You can also do that when we’re trying to fall asleep?” now his arms disappeared and you got up, getting out of your clothes, when you heard the bathroom door close. “Please just don’t continue your experiment” you muttered as you put on a top for in the bed. You sat down on the bed, taking out a PADD to read an article before Spock returned but again he stayed in the bathroom. After fifteen minutes you put your device aside and knocked at the door but got no answer, so you opened it. You had to cover your mouth to not burst out laughing. He was cuddling his robes he had discarded earlier against his chest and was fast asleep on the bathroom floor. Of course you knew that you wouldn’t be able to bring him back to bed so you returned to your bedroom, got your blanket and spread it over him. For a while you stood there, looking down at him and considering if you should join him or spend the night in bed before you sighed and grabbed your pillow to lie down beside him as well.

It was one of the first times in your marriage that you woke up before Spock. But knowing he’d probably be awake any time, you waited for him with breakfast. When he appeared in the door frame you had to bite back a chuckle because you had never seen him so disheveled.

“Morning” you greeted, putting your PADD aside

“Morning, (Y/N)” he replied with a nod. “I cannot find a logical explanation why I have woken up in the bathroom”

“Because you fell asleep there. Bam, logic” you got up and walked to the replicator “Water or tea?”

“Then I cannot recall why I would have chosen the bathroom floor as suitable place to spend the night”

“Oh well I can’t answer that either. But I might have an idea”

“That is?” he asked, walking to the bed to put the blanket on it, of course folding it neatly before taking a new uniform from his wardrobe.

“You don’t remember?”

“I am not certain I understand what you are referring to”

“Well” you grinned, getting your own breakfast, “I guess I’d better tell you before Kirk surprises you with made up stories about your half-naked adventures in the rec room. Come to think of it, you might want to make sure he doesn’t find the video”

“Which video?” if he hadn’t been shocked before he definitely was now. The intercom beeped and Spock answered it

“How’re you doing, druggie?”

“I do not understand your reference”

“You don’t remember? Pity, I’d love to see your face. I could tell you everything but I guess that (Y/N) knows a few more details. In fact I’d love to hear the whole story. Anyways, I just called to let you know I pulled a few strings to let you take off this morning, Spock”

“I do not see…”

“And I don’t care. I won’t let you come to the bridge. Oh and Bone’s awaiting you in Med Bay he said” the call ended and Spock looked at you as if he was lost.

“It seems there something you should tell me”

“Yeah” you gestured at his chair “I know Vulcan got nerves of steel, not anatomically, but you might better sit before I start”

Taglist: @softsapphicideals

#spock #spock imagine #spock x reader #spock x you #imagine

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hopelessromanticvirgo · 4 years

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Ground Control To Us

Sobbe social media au 6.10

Chapter 6.9

"You're not going to say my name and hang up on me again right?"

Sander usually hates when the curtains aren't blocking the light from his open windows but today, he pushed them away himself, made all the street light come in his room, on his bed, consuming him with his very thin blanket that he didn't even have on his body properly. His phone is sitting beside him, AirPods in his ears, even if he isn't hearing anything from them.

It's been like that for the past five minutes already. With the person on other side of the phone, from other side of the city, being silent, only listening to him talk until he can get ready and build up his courage to speak up, and Sander doesn't really mind. He can hear him breathing, he knows he's there.

The day started all right but as it got more bright out and the sun started going up, the things dramatically changed. Even his medicines weren't working and he ran out of them, went to get it but apparently his medical receipt date has also ran out and the pharmacist didn't give him. So he called his doctor, which he found out that was on a holiday and his colleague couldn't sign it of for him because of some dumb rules. He suggested doing and sending it online but it wouldn't be possible until tomorrow so for today he had to be without his meds. He sometimes goes without taking them but that never has a good result so he tries to do everything he can for his health, it's not like he can go without them now if he wants, since his mom and Senne always checks if he took them, which he's pretty grateful because sometimes, when he's very hype and energetic, he forget he needs them.

The worst thing about taking the medication frequently is getting used to it, like a drug, which it really is, in some kind of way, he's depend on it and it kills him when he realizes, like right now, that he can't live without them anymore.

So, the day wasn't already going well. Then he had a meeting with his manager and he completely destroyed him with questions and discussions. No matter how many times Sander said that he wanted to continue studying his art, he would attack him and try to change his mind. Sander already lost a year because of that and now he couldn't handle losing another one. After hours of talking and both of them saying their own thing and not agreeing with one other, he told Sander that they would discuss it later and he still had almost a month before the first semester would start if he wanted to keep making art and he kicked him out.

Sander knows he wants what's good for him but he can't help it, drawing is more important for him than singing so he's pretty sure, he will do whatever he wants in the end and not the other way around.

He also hit him with "you won't get any new contract if you decide to end it now. No more new songs, no more albums, no more band. You're not deciding this for yourself but for Senne too. I'm sure he wants to continue his music career. You just started getting more and more recognized, it's going so well and you have a big potential, why do you want to throw all that away from some paintbrushes?"

Sander almost kicked him in the jaw.

The other problem he ran into on the way back home was the rain. Not a single taxi stopped for him since probably all of them were full because of the weather and he had to walk all the way back home in a pouring rain for at least an hour, only to find out that his dumb head forgot his keys since when he left, his friend was at home and now, Senne went somewhere and he was locked out.

He called him and Senne told him that the maximum time he could come back home was two hours.

Sander tried finding if their landlord was at the building, he wasn't, so no extra keys could be used to get him inside and he waited outside, on his own doorstep until his friend came back and opened the door for him.

At least he got dry while sitting on a very cold stairs.

He thought that all his misery for today was over but no, the water decided to get extremely freezing when he was showering and he couldn't heat it up so when he was finished, his whole body was shivering and shaking.

He drank a hot tea.

It was kind of iconic since he was the one who decided that the day shouldn't be great after he couldn't get his medication. Originally he was in charge of his own moods but when the world just doesn't want you to have a good day, what can you do about it?

The other half was a little better, probably because he just stayed at home and there wasn't a lot of things that could possibly go wrong then.

And now he was on his head, it was almost eleven in the evening and he was on the phone with his Robbe.

Maybe the day started pretty bad but it could end differently?

When he realized that the only thing he knew that would turn this day upside down, he got even more upset. Since all he wanted to do was to see Robbe but he knew the boy wasn't ready for that and there would be no way, he'd agree. But then he also realized another thing, got his courage and asked him if he could talk to him.

Sander thinks that Robbe only agreed just because he was feeling bad but honestly, he'd take anything right now.

He could see that Robbe wasn't so sure about it at first but in the end, couldn't say no to him and maybe Sander is a little bit selfish and egoistic but he got happy he could use his horrible mood to make Robbe talk to him.

He was alright with taking things slow but sometimes it was killing him. He's not a very patient guy, he wants things when he wants and gets mad and sad like a littler toddler when he can't get them.

But even if he couldn't change his inner self, with Robbe, it was different. He respected his choices and he was ready to wait his whole life for him.

Sander still couldn't help but feel guilty about it.

Robbe warned him that he wouldn't be able to speak up for some time, and Sander was okay with that. It's been almost ten minutes since they started calling and the only person who has been talking was Sander. It got to the place where he was just thinking out loud, but he knew Robbe was listening, listening pretty closely too, to his every word and his voice's every tone, it made Sander feel pretty special.

But no matter how much he wanted to hear Robbe's voice again, now that it would be speaking directly at him, he was patient.

When he realized that Robbe was indeed pretty serious when he said that he wouldn't be able to say something, he let out a little laugh and told him that was alright and if he wasn't talking, he would do all the talking until he was ready and Sander was doing exactly that.

It was already a pretty big deal for both of them to be in that exact place that they are, right now and Sander didn't want to push him.

That's exactly what he was thinking about when he said:

"I'm sorry if you weren't ready for that and I made you. I hoped that after hearing that I wasn't feeling well, you wouldn't be able to say no to me. I used that fact and I feel guilty about it. I shouldn't have done that. I can't help but wonder if I'm pushing you hard? I know something I can be very pushy and I have already told you this but I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable, I really didn't want to do that and I'm sorry. I just really wanted to get my mind off of things and the only way I would really be able to do that is if I'd talk to you. Shit, I'm sure I made you feel weird. You're probably thinking about the time when you will be able to hang up and go to sleep and I'm so sorry for that. It makes me feel bad and I -

A soft and quiet "stop" could be heard from the other side of the line, but Sander was so out that he didn't even notice. Even if he did, he'd think he didn't hear it since he was pretty sure that in the end it would be only him, who would talk their whole call.

"Sometimes I do this thing where I completely ignore all the people and their wishes. It's not like it's my choice or I want to do it, it just kind of happens and when I realize that I did it, it's already too late and the person is upset with me. If they know about my thinking and stuff they just look at me with pity, you know? Like I can literally see "oh you poor and damaged thing" in their eyes and it always brings me down so hard that I can't get up on my feet for the next few days and that usually make their pity stronger. And if they don't know, well, let's just say that they immediately think that I'm a jerk and I don't care about other people's feelings. And I thought about it a lot and I'm so sorry if I made you feel like your own emotions didn't matter just because I was sad and wanted you to talk to me, maybe you thought that you couldn't say no or you didn't have a choice and I'm so sorry if that's what happened and -

"No." Another whisper but now Sander heard it loud and clear and he stopped in the mid sentence. His eyes were closed all this time, his arms behind his head, laying on his back, relaxed, so sure that he wouldn't get blessed with hearing the other boy's voice that he even didn't expect for him to make a sound and when he heard it, his eyes went wide and he sat up a little bit.

"What?" He asked, making sure if he really heard something or if his mind, filled with the desire to hear Robbe, was pulling tricks on him.

"Did you say something or am I going crazy?" When he heard a little cough, his eyes started shining, he could feel, Robbe was getting ready to say another word and he was now sure, he heard him just right.

"I said no." Robbe stopped and Sander waited, patiently, giving him all the time in the world that he needed and after a few minutes, Robbe continued, now sounding more sure and confident which made Sander smile.

"You didn't push me or anything like that. You didn't make me feel uncomfortable. And you shouldn't think that way. You and I, talking, is the best thing I could have asked for and you have no idea how thankful I am."

Sander is melting, he feels like the earth around him just moved and he got sucked to the ground, on his bed, the gravity pulling him down, he's spinning.

Just a few sentence and Sander can't get enough, he wants to hear more, he needs to hear more.

Fuck, he is so in love, there aren't enough words in this whole world, in every language's dictionary to explain the emotion he is feeling right now.

And when Robbe didn't stop, Sander is sure, he almost died.

"I was scared, I still am. And all this is so crazy and weird for me, just hearing you, the voice I have known almost my whole life and the voice I can't seem to live without and it's not just your voice, it's you, in flesh, talking, it's you, talking to me and no matter how much time will pass, I don't think I will be able to wrap my head around that and accept it. This means so much. If I can do at least something little to make you feel better is so much for me. And I'm not doing this just for you, I'm also doing this for me because I want it. And just never, ever think that you're too much or you make me feel uncomfortable. If I promised that I'd tell you if you made me feel bad, even if I know for sure, that it's impossible, I also want you to promise that you will stop judging and pushing yourself too hard. It's fine, you're fine, and we're fine, alright? I think I used, the word "fine" too much but you got what I said right?"

Sander is in a very big trouble, in a very big mess that he will never be able to get himself out of. And he doesn't want to.

Because if being this starstruck and in love means hearing Robbe talk to him, with his angelic and beautiful voice, he's ready to risk it all.

He's guilty that he didn't hear the half of the things he said, no matter how much he wanted, he just couldn't get over the fact that Robbe was talking to him. He got pulled into his voice so fast and hard that he forgot about everything else in his live, all his problems, all his pain.

Everything was pointless, just Robbe and his voice.

Fuck, Sander has it so hard.

He managed to hear the last part which made him laugh.

"I can't wrap my head around your cuteness. I wish I could see you now, getting all serious with me."

Robbe went quiet immediately and Sander was about to ask if he went in too deep when he heard Robbe taking a breath.

"I also wish I could see you now. Where are you?"

Sander smiled, being proud that he was talking back to him and it just hit him, they were having a conversation, on the phone, in real life.

"Why so you can imagine me?"

It obviously was a joke, his mood shifted drastically in the past hour but when Robbe said "yeah" Sander was taken a back.

He got a little surprised and blinked a few times.

Damn, he forgot how step forward this boy was with him when he opened up before he found out the truth.

"Well, I'm in my room and I'm -

"Describe it for me." Robbe interrupted him which again came shocking to Sander but he quickly got over it.

He got so happy that he started opening up.

"The walls are soft orange color, it's more of a brown tone and it's light. I have a lot of my favorite posters and music albums in a glass frame, hanging up on them. The bed I'm on right now is standing in the middle of the room, and I have a big closet on my right and a window on my left. In front of a bed, there is a huge desk/table, and a little storage cabinets for art supplies and more clothes. Next to the table, in the corner of a room I keep my guitars, I had four but Senne broke one of them and now it's only three. I don't have a carpet on the floor. Oh, I also have a mirror next to the table, and of course the door, which is almost always slightly open, because since I was a child, I wasn't able to sleep with the door full closed, it makes me feel claustrophobic. Does this answer your question?"

"It does. I always wondered what your room looked like."

Sander wanted to say "now you know" but for some reason, he decided to stay quiet and for some time, both of them were laying down in silence.

This was the best silence Sander has even been a part of.

Comfortable, soft, real.

Sander was about to ask Robbe about his room when he was greeted with a question himself.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel great now that you're here." He said since it was the truth. It was insane how this one boy could turn everything around for him and he didn't even know it.

The sad voice answered him with "I'm not there though." And Sander could literally hear how much that sentence hurt and tried to reassure him.

"Maybe not now, but someday you will. I can guarantee you."

Sander heard Robbe giggled and that's the most amazing sound he has heard all his pathetic life.

"What?" He didn't say anything funny, it made him feel a little insecure that Robbe laughed no matter how much he enjoyed the sound.

"Nothing. You just sound like me when I say something like 'if not here, in the other universe' and it made me happy."

It made him happy. I made him happy.

Sander is definitely on cloud nine, he just feels so much that he's afraid, his heart will explode.

"You never really talked about that with me after that one time."

Of course Sander remembers the exact date Robbe shared it with him.

"About what?"

"The universe thing?"

"Ohh." The realization came to him faster than ever and he laughed again.

What was that boy trying to do to Sander? Murder him in his room by that laugh?

"Well, you know the multi universe theory?"

Sander hummed and closed his eyes again, completely relaxing, this was going better than anything he could have even imagined.

"It's based on a theory that the time is just a dimension, illusion. And there are all those parallel universes and we all, with our existence and problems are so small compared to them. And when you make a choice, the universe splits. But even if whatever you decided, won't happen in here, there is this place, where you're doing exactly that, so in some way, you kind of get to live and experience everything. For example, I'm sure, we're also talking right now somewhere, in another universe, but something is slightly different, maybe curtains are a different color. It makes me calm down when I'm panicking or when I'm sad, imagining that I'm not alone, that I'm not the only Robbe." He got silent for a few seconds and then his voice changed from serious lecturing and amazement to excited. "You know what that means?" He didn't let Sander say anything and answered his own question.

"That means that there are other Sanders as well. Maybe one of them is only a singer and one of them only an artist. Maybe one of them is a dancer? Have you ever tried dancing? My friend is dancing, we always make fun of him in a jokingly manner but he's really good.

Oh wait, maybe there is a universe right now, that we're still talking but instead of it being on a phone, we're sitting right next to each other. There are a lot of options to chose from. And I'm sure all of them are great. I just want to believe that I'm infinite. That we're infinite."

Sander has thought about that once or twice in the past but he always made himself believe that the life was more like a movie, with the person being in charge of directing it and choosing how it would go.

That way of living is pretty stressful and now, listening to Robbe, Sander realized how much a safe place that kind of thinking was. Robbe was telling him that he didn't have to worry and no matter what he did, the life would always go on itself and when it went downhills, he didn't have to blame his self. That would definitely push some weight out of his shoulders.

It sounded like a heaven, perfect, calm, stable.

Sander has been thinking about that for so long that he didn't even notice when Robbe stopped talking, still hearing his voice in his ears.

And when he realized it, Robbe was already attacking him with questions.

"Did you fall asleep on me?"

Sander smiled. That boy would be the death of him. The way he sounded so small and quiet, unsure and soft at the same time.

"Is my voice that boring?" Sander was trying so hard not to laugh. He decided to stay silent just to see what he'd say and it didn't take Robbe long so start worrying.

"I'm gonna kill you if you did. No! What should I do now. Fuck, if you're really asleep I will lose my mind. Like do I hang up now or? I don't want to hang up." His voice was getting faster and it almost made Sander crack up.

"Come on. You couldn't possibly fall asleep on me. Oh god, did I talk so much?" Sander was waiting for one thing and after a few minutes of silence, when he was almost sure that Robbe would hang up, he got what he wanted.

"Sander!"

He couldn't hold it anymore and laughed. He heard a little "you" from Robbe, he didn't finish it, just "you."

Him.

"No I didn't feel asleep but I couldn't help but notice, that falling asleep with your voice in my ears every day would be a heaven. I was just listening you talk since I'm in love with your voice. And I also wanted to hear you call my name."

Sander was so sure that the boy would shut down by this compliment as he always does but today he was making Sander surprised. And a surprise was an understatement when Robbe spoke up.

"I really want to hug you but you're so far."

Is it possible to fall in love even more after hearing that? Cause Sander is sure, somehow he did.

* * *

The clock was spinning way too fast but none of the boys noticed it. When the sky from their windows started to get lighter, their conversations could still be heard.

Sander doesn't remember a lot from the last minutes that he fell asleep but he remembers this one moment, so clearly, as if it was a scene, the part from his favorite movie of all time.

He was already drifting off when his sleepless mind dared and asked, tried to say everything he wanted to say with that one question.

"You know what I wish for, right now?"

He asked that right before he asked Robbe if he could call him.

His wish list would never be satisfied, specially with Robbe.

"Hm?" Sander could hear that the other boy was also struggling with staying awake.

Sander opened and closed his eyes for the last time that day.

"That we were somewhere else, together."

He got a little worried that Robbe fell asleep when he didn't get any answer back but after a while, the boy mumbled.

"Where?"

Sander doesn't know where.

"Somewhere. Somewhere far away from here."

Somewhere in the other universe.

Even if his deep sleep, he still got worried that he crossed some kind of line so he added.

"Would you mind that?"

And that's the last thing he remembered.

If Sander stayed conscious for more fifteen seconds, he'd hear Robbe's acceptance, his agreement, his desire.

"No. I'd never mind that, Sander." The morning has official started and the birds started singing, the first light of sun climbing out of the horizon.

"In fact, I wish that too."

Chapter 7.1

#it is here #wtfock #wtfam #sobbe #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #robbe x sander #social media au #ground control to us

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drethanramslay · 4 years

Text

A funny thing called Fate- Prologue

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Aisha Khurrana)

Word Count: 2.8K words

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Warning: None really, just a little cursing

Author’s note: I had been listening to Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan and that is actually the primary spark which led me to come up with this series. Shout out to @mvalentine and @anotherbeingsworld fo letting me bounce my crazy ideas <3

AHHH so it is finally here!! This is my first time writing Bryce so I hope I can do justice to this beautiful man. This starts with Aisha’s (MC) POV and like I said, there will be a time jump. It would be first person when I’m writing in the past and then it will shift to third person when I’m writing the present. I think i should stop my rambling and let’s go!!

Terms you need to know-

-Bhaiya: Brother in hindi

-Beta: Technically it means ‘son’ but in most Indian families its used like a term of endearment too

- AIIMS, Delhi: Stands for All India Institute of Medical Sciences. This is one of the best medical schools in the country and Only 100 people out of 200,000(or more) get in. So it is very cut throat.

10 years ago- Aisha's PoV

(Age: 16)

I am done.

Done with all the drama, done with all the lies, done with all the manipulations and done with all the heartache.

And most of all, I was done with him- the infamous Bryce Lahela.

The boy with the stupid long hair, the stupid signature smirk and the stupid charm. Those amber eyes which reminded you of the sand and sea and those lips on which an everlasting smile played used to be like a breath of fresh air. I always thought that he was so unique, but boy was I wrong.

All boys are the same.

I really thought that jocks like him would be different huh? Can someone just hand me my clown shoes?

But luckily, I don't have to see his face ever again because for once, instead of making a mockery of my existence, life decided to give me something that I really wanted badly.

A chance to leave all of this in my past. A chance to start over again.

My dad had a better business opportunity back in Mumbai. I am an Indian and we lived in Delhi since the time I was born but we shifted to Mauii when I was in the ninth grade because of how demanding dad's job was getting

Bhaiya chose to stay back in Delhi because his engineering college was there and he enjoyed the hostel life way too much. And he had finally managed to get out of our toxic household so I really could not blame him.

So yeah.. that is how I ended up in Maui in the first place.

It was okay in ninth grade. I kept to myself and blended in with the shadows (because hello social anxiety!). But... Tenth grade changed everything.

It was one of the best and worst year of my life and I often wonder if I could ever get over this.

I am definitely sounding like one of those over-dramatic Indian soap operas my mom watches every night.

"Aisha? Are you ready? The car is here beta."

"Yes, Mama. I am coming!! Just packing up some stuff."

Breaking out of my reverie, I stuffed in my phone and other essentials into my carry bag. As I was zipping up my luggage, I yanked open my closet door to see if I left anything behind my eyes landed on the shoebox I had stuffed in the back of my closet.

I gulped and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. A part of me wanted to take it for it had all the trinkets of the good things in my relationship with Bryce but, another part of me knew that if I took it with me, I would never be able to move on and that would completely defeat the purpose of this fresh start I have been looking forward to.

So with a heavy heart, I looked away and shut the door of the closet, picked up my luggage and left.

As the Uber pulled out of the curb I stared out of the window, to look at the beaches I had come to love and hate.

I liked Maui, I really did but all that it was reduced was a place where I was humiliated and belittled.

And it was all his fault.

PRESENT

(Age: 27)

"Oh my god. I'm gonna late!!" Aisha screeched as she saw the time on her phone. She shoved the duvet off her and jumped out of bed. She tried running to the bathroom in her small closet-sized apartment but it just ended up with her stubbing her toe against the coffee table.

"Ow ow ow." She cursed as she hobbled into the washroom and got on with her daily chores. Her hand-eye coordination was already awful and add that she was sleep deprived just made the entire thing worse. Stumbling, tripping, cursing she managed to brush her teeth and hop into the shower. The burst of cold water managed to wake her up as she furiously washed.

Why did I have to move into a room under a busy staircase?! This is why bhaiya says- Do your research. She angrily thought to herself as she wiped herself rigorously and zipped open her suitcase, searching for her semi-formal clothes.

Grabbing a granola bar and her trusty thermos of coffee, she was on her way to Edenbrook.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she entered the atrium, she was in complete awe. It looked big and majestic on the outside, with a clever mix of brick walls and the glass facade, making it look welcoming. Sunshine poured through the atrium as the various doctors and nurses worked around her, not giving mind to the clueless intern gawking.

"Hi, I'm Dr Ines Delarosa, a senior resident!! You look lost. Let me guess... the first day of residency?" A short woman in a doctor's coat walked up to her breaking Aisha from her awe, her aura full of happiness, rainbows and unicorns which made Aisha a little vary.

Is it normal to be this happy and energetic?

Aisha nodded hesitantly and the resident smiled a hundred-watt smile. "Great. You are gonna need a photo ID. Follow me, I will get you all set up." Wordlessly Aisha followed Ines, slinging her messenger bag over her shoulder, nervously playing with the strap.

It is going to be fine... Aisha breathed out as she entered a room with a white background and a camera before it. "Just step over here, in front of the camera and smile."

And waste my energy? No thanks.

She schooled her features to be as professional as she could and the flash of the camera went off. Aisha walked over the tangled wires and peeked at the screen. A serious face stared back at her, the lighting doing good to her brown skin. Her nose piercing caught light and her dark mahogany hair was tied up in a neat ponytail.

"Is it okay? Or do I need to retake the photo?"

"No, it is great! I like it. Thank you."

"Well I will just stick this on your ID.... and you are good to go!! I wish I looked that good in my ID." She said and cheerfully and once her eyes fell on the title a smile made its way on her face,

Dr Aisha Khurrana... It is real and it is true.

"My first day as a real doctor." she whistled lowly shaking her head as if she didn't believe it.

"I was in your shoes last year. Believe me, med school was nothing compared to this. Your three years of residency will be the toughest, most amazing year of your life!! But the first year as an intern will be the craziest of all."

As soon as the smile had graced her features, it slipped away and she nodded seriously. "I think I am ready for it. I have been dreaming and slogging my ass so that I could work in Edenbrook. Ever since I learnt that Ethan Ramsey worked here. His research basically pushed me to apply for med school."

Also, the fact that my parents can like shut up about me being worthless.

"That is great. I will just walk you to the locker room so that you can change into scrubs." Ines offered and Aisha gave her a small smile.

"So... Any advice?"

"Make friends..."

And I am out. She thought to herself. She always struggled with making friends and that is partly the reason why she would keep to herself all the time. Sure she did make a few gem of a friends in med school but if she had to choose between mingling with strangers and drowning, you know what she would choose.

"... with your interns, year senior residents, even your patients! Friends will get you through anything. And, uh, try to not annoy the Attendings! You do not want to get on your boss's bad side."

"Noted."

After changing she was just passing through the waiting room so that she could get to the orientation when she heard gasps from the seating area. A woman had collapsed on her seat and the people were crowding around her.

Her instincts kicked in and she ordered. "Give her space. Everybody step back! I'm a doctor."

She hurried over to the woman just as another doctor rushes in. He kneeled at her side and checked her pulse. "Pulse is weak. She's unresponsive." He looked up and his eyes landed on her.

"You Rookie. Get here."

"Right away doctor. Coming!" Aisha hurried over as the doctor lifted the fainted woman on to the nearby gurney.

"What was she coming in for? Did she fill out a form yet?"

"No, she'd just walked in."

The doctor's piercing blue eyes landed on her which made her straighten her back. "If we don't figure out what's wrong with her fast, she's going to die on this table. Rookie, check B.P."

Wrapping the blood pressure cuff around the unconscious woman's arm and she pumped the bulb, peering at the numbers.

"It's plummeting. She's hypotensive. We've gotta get fluids in her."

Aisha's eyes wandered over the woman's form, trying to search for more clues. Her eyes landed on the rapidly forming bruise on her elbow.

"Doctor... Look at this bruise. I think it's a sign that she is a haemophiliac."

The doctor replied in a gruff voice. "You think or you know?"

"I know."

"Good. Also can you see the way her fingertips are turning blue? It is a sign of low oxygen saturation in the blood. Take a closer listen to her lungs. Hurry."

She nodded assertively and slipped the resonator of the stethoscope over the ribs, straining to hear the diminishing whooshing of the lungs which made Aisha gulp in fear.

"Can't hear anything on the left side and the right side is struggling. She is going to suffocate at this rate." She spoke up , her voice struggling to stay calm but as she glanced at the older doctor, he seemed to be as cool as a cucumber.

"Nurse we have got a code blue." His authoritative voice boomed over as the nurses bustled around the gurney.

Taking the bag mask from the nurse, he secured it around the patient's mouth and gently pump air into her lungs.

"What do we do, Doctor? What's happening to her?" She asked as she noticed the reducing breath rate.

He looked up. "Consider all the clues. It's all there. You know this, Rookie."

Aisha closed her eyes and took a deep breath, realigning her focus, delving deep into her mind, analyzing the clues.

Hemophilia... low blood oxygen... no lung expansion on one side...

Her brown eyes snapped open as it struck her. "It's a haemothorax!"

A twinkle of approval flickered in the ocean eyes, which vanished as soon as it came. "Precisely. A blood vessel ruptured and is filling her pleural cavity..."

"... Blocking her lungs from expanding! That's why she can't breathe." Aisha completed the sentence.

Fuck.

"But we can't repair the blood vessel over here."

The older doctor's jaw clenched. "Then we will have to do a emergency thoracotomy to drain the cavity instead. Nurse!"

The nurse hustles around handing her a scalpel and a chest tube, her eyes widening in shock.

She gulped, her nervousness spiking as she sees the doctor lift the shirt of the patient, exposing the side of her rib cage.

"We need a local anaesthetic-"

The doctor interrupted her. "We're out of time and she is already unconscious. Do it now, or the woman's life is on you!!"

She gritted her teeth with determination. I am not loosing a patient on my first day.

She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. It is just like anatomy class only... this isn't a cadaver but a real person.

But that statement, instead of calming her, it just caused the scalpel to shake in her hand.

The doctor reaches and encompasses her hand. "Hey... You can do this."

Aisha nods stabilizing herself and focusing solely on the older doctor's voice, before she looked down.

"There you go... Nice and easy."

Incision at the fifth intercostal space... anterior.. to the mid axillary line...

And when she was confident enough, she made the perfect incision, a trickle of red following the path of the scalpel.

"Now the tube."

She took and pushed it into the incision and with a spurt, blood started draining out of the chest cavity resulting in the patient to take a deep breath.

Holy shit I did that. I freaking did that.

In the daze of endorphins, she heard the doctor order her surgery, the nurses wheeling the gurney and the onlookers applauding.

She turned towards the attending, excitement pouring out of her in waves. "Doctor.. that was absolutely amazing!!"

It's was as if a switch flipped and the grumpier and sarcastic facade took place. "You're right. It is pretty amazing you didn't get her killed."

Aisha's jaw dropped.

"Wait, what?"

The doctor rambled off, pointing out her mistakes. "Your examination was slow and superficial. Your scalpel technique, amateur at best."

It took all her might to not scoff.

Excuse me I graduated from AIIMS Delhi, thank you very much.

Swallowing the dying need to go off she spoke in a professional tone. "Amateur? I'm sorry, doctor but it is my first day."

"Well, that is not an excuse you can use because if that patient would have died, the blood would have been on your hands..." He lifted the badge attached to her breast pocket scrutinizing on the surname.

"... Khurrana."

He tossed the id back to her, turned on his heels and walked away, leaving a steaming Aisha in her place.

"What a dick." She muttered under her breath.

"Yeah and I'm totally in love with him." A nurse appeared magically out of thin air near her, causing her to jump in surprise.

The kind eyed nurse just rolled his eyes and placed a hand on her shoulder which had Aisha bristling. "Don't worry about it, Dr Ramsey is like that to everybody."

Aisha's jaw dropped for the second time. "Wait... Dr. Ramsey as in Dr. Ethan Ramsey?!"

Shooting a knowing glance, he spoke up. "I take it, you're a fan?"

"He's only my medical hero and greatest inspiration. I've read all his research!" Aisha rushed off, horror and excitement rushing through her.

Oh my god I managed to piss of my one medical hero.. I'm such a dumbass.

Noticing the horror of her expression he gave a gentle smile. "On the bright side, you'll get plenty more chances to impress him."

She sighed and looked down to see that her scrubs were stained with blood.

First impression is last impression beta, always remember that. Her father's voice resonated in her mind.

"Dammit, I'm here for five minutes and I'm already a mess. I can't show up to orientation like this!"

"Don't sweat it. There are extras in the locker room. Come I will show you the way..."

She walked into the locker room, looking for her assigned locker. There was a crowd of half naked interns and after mumbling a couple of 'excuse me's', and rubbing shoulders (literally) she made it the end of the room.

As she turned she knocked into another woman in nothing but her undergarments.

"Uh...um.. okay then." Aisha stuttered as she felt the back of her neck heating up.

Thanks to my brown skin no one can see me getting flustered.

"What? See something you like?" She asked cheekily in an Indian accent which eased Aisha up a bit.

"Ha, you wish."

"Aren't you cute?" The woman snickered as she reached for her pants.

"That's what people say, so it must be true."

She reached for her full sleeve shirt before looking Aisha's way. "Desi?"

Aisha snorted. "Obviously. And I'm guessing you too."

"Of course. And I'm guessing that you are definitely not wearing those scrubs."

"What? Didn't you hear? Bloody clothes are like the new trend around here."

There was a moment of silence before both of them started laughing.

"It's good to meet someone from home." Aisha spoke as she pulled her scrub shirt off.

"Woah, woah, woah. Don't count on that yet. I need to see if you are gonna get in my way in this competition."

Aisha smirked as she shut her locker. "Can't say I'm surprised. Can't be desi if the sense of competition isn't ingrained in your DNA."

"Oh my god never thought that I would see Jackie's twin." A familiar manly voice wafted over to them.

Wait a second...

"Shut up scalpel jockey, this is our kind of bonding."

"Oh please, don't scare the newbie aw- oh."

Oh.

She was standing right in front of him. Face to face. The playful amber eyes, with flecks of brown hadn't changed. The long shoulder length hair had been cut and styled to be short and messy.

There was no trace of the surfer boy she met in Maui. He was a man through and through but still, the youth in his eyes poured out in waves, reminding her of the sandy beaches.

But right now those amber eyes were wide with shock.

It's not everyday that you meet your ex of ten years in the locker room of your new job.

"Aisha?"

".... Bryce?!"

HEHEHEH AWKWAARRDDD

Like, comment, reblog and let me know what you think

Bryce X MC: @lilyvalentine @sanchita012 @zeniamiii @lucy-268 @have-aheart @utterlyinevitable @anotherbeingsworld @this-person-is-busy @cryinginthebackseat @mayascherub @jaxsmutsuo @rookie-ramsey @aylamreads @caseyvalentineramsey @choicesalaska

Permanent Tag list: @trappedinfandoms @agent-breakdance @dailydoseofchoices @colossalpainintheass @siaramsey @raleigheffingcarrera @kaavyaethanramsey @theeccentricbibliophile @ac27dj @ramseysno1rookie @justanotherrookie @jamespotterthefirst @checkurwindow @chasingrobbie @junggoku @bellcat2010 @choicesstan1 @mvalentine @crazynutella @hatescapsicum @dr-ramseys-rookie @lilypills @vampireblissblog @decadentwinnerjudgedream @starrystarrytrouble @choicesficwriterscreations @nooruleman @anonymously-cool @sanvivrma

#anushka writes #oh bryce #bryce lahela #bryce x mc #open heart bryce #open heart #open heart mc #open heart fanfiction #open heart fandom #choices #choices oh #playchoices #choices stories you play #choices stories we play #pixelberry #Aisha Khurrana #a funny thing called fate

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pugszler · 3 years

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personal update <3

hiiii :>

so first things first, i’m sorry i haven’t been reblogging as much stuff lately. i haven’t been getting as much content as i’d like on my dash recently (bc ppl keep leaving tumblr, switching fandoms, blocking me, etc) so there hasn’t been much for me to reblog. :( i want to get more content but it’s always very hard for me to go searching for new blogs to follow bc i always try to make sure they’re not gross ppl or anything (amongst a bunch of other things i look for when following ppl).

also i’m super sorry about the lack of bnha content i’ve been posting too. i’m still in the fandom!!! lol i still care about it a lot and i still want to continue to share content (both my own and others’). i just... kinda fell off of doing my usual thing where i check every bnha blog i reblog from to make sure they’re not a gross person before i reblog anything from them. i would initially “like” the post i wanna reblog and then go back through my likes later when i have free time to check the blog, etc. but... i kinda stopped doing that since like october or something bc of my declining lack of mental energy and motivation. :( so i just haven’t been reblogging any bnha fanart bc i’m afraid of reblogging from a pedo or a gross shipper or an e slur stan or something.

i haven’t made any progress on my bnha wips in the past year either... but i DO still intend to finish them, like i REALLY WANT TO!! and i plan to. i just... need to get into the right headspace again.

i....... am currently working on a new fic right now tho. it’s uh. haha. for a different fandom entirely. (dfkhgdgjfdg it’s a self-insert reader/character fic for an otome game i played recently and i accidentally fell in love w one of the guys oops. eyy switch players, u guys heard of a game called “kitty love”? lmao date the tsundere guy so you can read my fic when it comes out lmao)

on a more personal level, i have been doing... all right. i was in a pretty bad spot towards the end of 2020. Very low motivation to do anything and i experienced a few fallouts with some friends, so that sucked. but thankfully things are a little less stressful now and i’m on some new meds and i’ve been a little more energetic lately! :)

also i’ve been trying really hard lately to get into a relationship lately? i’m super fucking lonely lol. so i’ve been using okc for online dating. haven’t really spoken to anyone on there lately tho. honestly, i wish tumblr had a dating scene? like. i just really think i’d get along better with tumblr users rather than non-tumblr users, yknow? (cringe, right? lmao) anyway i might look into that more in the future (there’s probably tags for personal listings and stuff idk). might even make a dating profile of my own to post on my tumblr blog for anyone to check out if they’re interested in tumblr dating too?

think that’s about it. pls feel free to hmu anytime, whether you’re a mutual or a follower. i Desperately need new connections and friends, as always. i am Always excited to hear from ppl who like me and want to get to know me! <3

hope you’re well and thank you for reading! <3

#shut up cathy

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hadleyfxster · 5 years

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( DUA LIPA. DEMIFEMALE. SHE/THEY. TWENTY-FIVE. ) Hey, is that HADLEY FOSTER? I heard they’ve been in Salem for TWO YEARS and they’re working as a NURSE. Last I spoke to ‘em they were pretty +SAGACIOUS, but I hear they can be -DEFIANT too. I wonder if they’ve got anything to do with this. ( cal, 23, they/them, est. )

henlo, i am cal and this is my babe hadley. below you’ll find a whole shpeal about them. pls excuse how messy it is, i tend to word vomit when i write!! if ya’ll are interested in plotting pls lmk as i would love to establish some fun connections. i even added some potential ones at the very bottom ~

name: hadley mickey foster nickname(s): hads, haddie, mickey job: nurse age: twenty-five gender: demigirl pronouns: she/they sexuality: bisexual / biromantic birthday: april 2nd zodiac: aries personality type: the entertainer | esfp

label: the reveller - a person who is enjoying themselves in a lively and noisy way.

brazen ( adj ) : bold without shame astute ( adj ) : having or showing an ability to accurately assess situations or people and turn this to one's advantage sagacious ( adj ) : having or showing keen mental discernment and good judgment; shrewd. tactless ( adj ) : having or showing a lack of adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues. defiant ( adj ) : showing defiance.

then

growing up, hadley didn’t want to be a nurse. no, they wanted to be a police officer and fight the bad guys, just like their father. he was their hero, protecting their mother and them as well as their city. they understood his lack of presence at home was because of his job- they got that. so they often hid their disappointment at missed school events, birthday parties, and good night hugs.

being primarily raised by their mother, hads did their best to keep out of her way. unfortunately, they’d always been a bit on the wild side and trouble would always follow no matter where they went. between climbing things they shouldn’t have, a few boken bones, and getting in trouble at school for speaking out and starting fights in the name of justic, they weren’t a bad kid - just a difficult one.

at one point, age eleven, they’d broken their leg and was stuck in the house one summer for months on end. this left them with little to do and led them into the great hobby that is art. haddie got so caught up in creating things and, subsequently, ruined so much clothing due to pain and pastels. it was amazing to them that they hadn’t gotten attached to art before this but it certainly resulted in a bit of an obsession. they circled between studying artists paintings and work and creating their own during the months they weren’t able to participate in any of their other extracurricular activities.

haddie’s childhood was pretty good, all in all. their family we well-off financially, their mother, despite them being unruly, loved them endlessly and thier father remained a hero in their eyes. they had some vacations together here and there. hads participated in a handful of different sports ( dance, soccer, swimming ) and kept their hobby of art.

( murder tw, racism tw ) of course, things were bound to change and it burst their bubble, waking them from their daydream world like a bucket of ice water. their dad having a gun never really bothered them. he’d taught them the danger of it, as well as how to shoot one, and the never really considered the consequences of it. they learned about it on the news. fourteen year old hads had made it a habit to watch cnn to make sure to keep up to date on what was happening in their city of chicago. the video of their father shooting an unarmed black man ( no, boy, he couldn’t be much older than they were ) burned itself into their mind. the subsequent grief of his family weighed heavily on their shoulders as they remained glued to the television. the time it took for the trial against their father and the suspension to wrap up was too short for them to digest it all. he barely got away with a slap on the wrist and that family lost someone important- the whole city did. hadley had to stand by their father during the whole time, their mother’s hands holding them in place, her nails digging into their shoulder to keep them from retreating or reacting. the whole ordeal changed them. this was the point when their entire future path changed and their love for their father, and the police force, crumpled to ashes.

( alcoholism tw, abuse tw ) the rest of their high school career saw them deeply troubled. they chose to test out of a few grades, jumping ahead in determination to reach their new goal. their mother, struggling with the torn relationship between child and spouse, did her best to support them with this decision. they’d come to appreciate her attempts later on but in the moment they were too stuck in their head. they had a goal and they needed to reach it as soon as they could. they dropped all their extra-curricular activities, stopped creating art, and focused fully on studying. when they weren’t studying, they would break into their parents stash of alcohol and drink their self into a tizzy. their parents didn’t really recognize the signs of their trouble child, too caught up in their own problems and work. it wasn’t until their father caught them with a bottle of rum one evening, curled up on their couch, that things seemed to come to light. he attempted to berate them, scold them, and ground them. his fury was huge but hads easily over powered him. their screaming match drew the attention of their mother, who couldn’t do anything to calm either. the fight came to a head that resulted in their father lashing out physically at them. his ring nicked their cheek, cutting a line along their cheekbone that would later result in a scar. the quiet that had settled over the room after that could be cut with a knife and hadley was the first to break it. the ‘get out’ they had spit out, voice already hoarse from the yelling previously, was strong and unmoving. the expression on their father’s face was twisted, as though he couldn’t believe the child that used to worship him could turn into what was on the ground before them. he left. their mother immediately collapsed, a sobbing mess that they couldn’t try to collect in the moment because their fear finally settled in. fear of a man they realized they never really knew.

the aftermath was, surprisingly, unexciting. their father returned the next morning and acted as if nothing happened. he seemed to clean up some of his act, however, they were hardly fooled. their mother, though, she seemed to sink into an easy acceptance that things could be fixed- that her spouse would fix them. haddie knew better. there was no going back. ever since that faithful day in front of the t.v., there would be no reconciliation between them. with their mother’s approval, they started university as soon as possible, graduating two years early and finally getting out.

now

8 years later along with another early graduation on their part, hadley settled into a job as a nurse in salem, mass. their time in universty and subsequently med. school changed them quite a bit from how they were in their early and late teens. the freedom away from their parents allowed them to fully settle into their skin and the ease that came with it brightened them up immensely. they seemed to regress to their carefree and energetic nature they held as a child, picking up art again as well as a sport ( kickboxing ). the trauma and toil of their past buried close to their heart as they began their career in the hospital.

mickey wears their heart on their sleeve and it didn’t take long for them to find love in salem. the two were together for a solid seven months before they ultimately fell apart and hads heart was torn apart. the horror of this particular break up caused some previous issues to emerge in them and they decided to swear off romantic relationships all together.

they talk to their mother once a week and have yet to talk to their father.

they’re not at all a fan of authority figures, especially police, and are defiant when faced with them.

they’re a bit of an odd personality to work in the hospital, but they seem to fit in surprisingly well. their character tends to be seen as refreshing and, though they lack tact, they make up for it with their enthusiasm and optimism.

hadley has a big ol’ cat, a mainecoon, named baloo that they are allergic too but love with all their heart. they found him on the streets and couldn’t find him an owner so they decided to keep him even if they have to take allergy meds all the time and maybe wake up somewhat dying cause baloo decided to flop on their face.

their room is part sleeping space part art studio. they have a bunch of posters of famous paintings as well as some of their own on the walls and there’s definitely a ton of paint stains on the light hardwood floors.

they’re a bit of a partier and tend to induldge in wine nights on the occasion. they definitely have a lot more control over their drinking then when they were younger and have come to manage their self fairly well. sure, they can sometimes get into trouble ( most of the time without intending too ) but they reached their goal of working in medicine and aren’t about to risk their job over anything.

they love to give platonic kisses and hold hands and hugs. if you allow them to, they will hang over their friends with great enthusiasm.

big fan of petnames and using them with everyone.

wanted

ex-partner : it didn’t end well, in fact, they’re the reason hadley has sworn off any and all romantic relationships. the two don’t talk- mostly because hads refuses to even acknowledge their existence less her more fight-y side emerges.

housemate(s) : haddie has never really wanted to live by herself. she loves people and is really into skinship. somehow, someway she either roped them into living with her or they accepted her ad or she accepted their ad but now they’re housemates and hads couldn’t be happier to come home to a lived in house.

mega crush : even though she’s sworn off romantic relationships, her heart just can’t seem to stop itself from speeding up every time she’s around this individual. she’s doing a pretty good job of being in denial but it’s not the easiest thing to hide seeing as her face is an open book.

best friend : literal ride or die, she’ll do anything for them and vice versa.

friends with benefits :

patient : someone hads has had the misfortune of taking care of while on the job, can develop from there

patient #2 : someone mickey here has, for whatever reason, ended up stitching/fixing up when not at the hospital. due to whatever situation she came to their aid and helped them out ( perhaps more than once ? )

bar buddies : someone haddie always runs into at the bar but has yet to push to be friends or anything further. the two have a pretty steady history of just making small talk together.

skinship buddies : they both love to hang off one another and get along swimmingly. sometimes they’re mistaken as being in a romantic relationship but things are strictly platonic- they just love to be close to one another

#hqsintro #murder tw #racism tw #abuse tw #alcoholism tw

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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Do you feel bored with your life? I do feel that way, some days more so than others. Like some days even the few things I like to do, like Tumblr and surveys, just don’t cut it. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Ty. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you in the past? No. How do you feel right now? Tired. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I imagine I would if I had to stop taking my pain medication.

What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? I’ve never had weight gain from a medication. Do you have a doctor you can trust? I just answered this in the previous survey. Wth is going with these surveys, man. So many will have the same questions, and not just the basic ones that like all surveys have, but ones that should be more random like this. What’s the stupidest decision you ever made? Oh where to start. The health related ones definitely top the cake. There were things I could have and should have done, but didn’t for some stupid reason. I should have taken better care of myself. What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? When my younger brother was born (cue the “awwwwww”). I was 9 and may not have been psyched about having a brother at first (sorry!), but he’s the best little bro ever. Turned out so much better than me. He should be the older one, honestly. I look up to him. And also of course all the doggos I’ve been fortunate to have in my life. How old were you the first time you encountered God? When I was a young kid, but I didn’t really understand it and then I got to be older and went through many years of being atheist and agnostic. I was led back to Him when Ty came back into my life in late 2015. Have you ever been filled with the Holy Spirit? I believe so. Have you ever had an encounter with the supernatural? No. How many tattoos do you have, and what are they of? I don’t have any. How do you get through hard times? * I dont rlly do anything all that different. Like, my overall routines dont rlly change, I still do mostly the same stuff on a day-to-day basis. I do try to find more comforting and distracting things to do, tho, and I try to be extra kind and patient toward myself when Im struggling or when life puts some bit of unwanted chaos in my path, ahah <<< Same for the first part about not doing anything different in regards to what I do and my overall routines staying the same, but also trying to distract myself more. I’ve been going through a really hard time for a long time, but here we are. That being said, I’m not doing anything to try and better it, and that’s where my issue is. What’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? The pain after surgical procedures. What’s the worst level of emotional pain you’ve ever experienced? Losing loved ones and my depression, particularly these past few years. Have you ever been suicidal? Not actively. I can’t say I’ve never thought about it, but I’ve never seriously planned anything or tried anything. I’m too scared and I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. And truthfully, I don’t really want to die. I just want to start living. I want to not feel this way anymore and not have this battle with my mind and feeling as sad and miserable and crappy as I do. I want to live a live I’m passionate about and actually do something. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? Yes, to God. Do you ever feel lost and alone? “If you’re lost and alone, and sinking like a stone, carry onnnnn.” What do you miss about high school? I mean, I wouldn’t wanna go back, but there were some good parts. It had its ups and downs. What do you miss the most about college? I’ve answered this recently. Did you like high school? Like I said, it had its ups and downs. What was the name of the first dorm you lived in? I never lived in a dorm. What was the last thing that made you angry? Blah. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? Yes. I’m a victim of a drive-by shooting. Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? I mean, I didn’t imagine my life being how its been these past few years... …or is it better, or just what you expected? No. Are you married? No. Are you hurting in any way right now? Yes. Are you currently missing someone? There’s a few people I’ll always miss. What are you wearing? Black leggings and a gray Nirvana shirt. What was the last flavor of tea you drank? Peppermint. Do you feel like youtube’s gotten boring lately? No. What would you change about your hair if you could? I just need to get it dyed and trimmed. Are you jealous of anyone? No. Do you have a secret? Maybe. If you could tell anyone a secret right now, who would it be? No one. Do you miss someone that you blew it with? Yes. I’ll always regret how things went with Ty. Is there a guy (or girl) you wish you hadn’t screwed things up with? Yeah, Ty. What was the best date you’ve ever been on? Coffee shop and bookstore dates with Ty. What’s the last great song you discovered? Hmm. Do you prefer color or black and white? I like both, just depends. Do you own a thermometer? Yeah. Has facebook gotten boring lately? Yeah it kinda is. Do you feel free to post how you feel on facebook? I don’t really post anything on there anymore, especially not anything personal or about my opinions on big topics. Which stereotype do you fit the most? Don’t know, don’t care. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Burger King, Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, McDonalds, and Jack in the Box. I haven’t been into fast food; though, the past couple months, which is very odd for me. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? For my birthday we took a gondola ride up 9000ft and got the most beautiful view of the mountains, lake, and city. It was incredible. What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Hawaii. What was your favorite vacation you went on as a child? Disneyland. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? I was the 12/13/14 year old with tons of posters all over my wall from magazines. What was the first CD you bought? I think the 1st one I bought myself was Ashlee Simpson’s CD, Autobiography. ha. How old are you? 30. What year were you born? 1989. Did you go to prom? Yes. Are you jealous of people who are ten years younger? I’m kind of envious in some ways. For one, they’re 20 years old aka babies and not old like me haha. But second of all, they’re really just starting out. I’m envious of the ones who are living their best lives and having fun and the ones who are starting college and making the best of it while also having a good social life. People at 20 still have so much time ahead to figure things out, and that I’m very envious of. If you could rewind time ten years, would you? It would be tempting. There’s so much I’d like to do differently. The thought of going through college all over again isn’t appealing, though. But man. Some changes that I’d like to change might make it worth it, though.. they would make such a big difference for me. Some of the things I’m dealing with now I don’t think I would be if I did some things differently. What do you miss the most about your past? I miss my childhood the most. Do you like getting older? Not at all. What is the last song you played on repeat? Hm. I’m not one to really play songs on repeat, so I don’t recall. Do you own a CD player? Nope. What hard thing are you going through right now, if applicable? My health and life stuff. What do you need prayer for? Good health and strength. Are you ok? “I’m not okay, I’m not o-fucking-kay.” What’s the best retreat you’ve ever been on? I haven’t been on a retreat. Do you love free falling? “Now I’m freeeeeee. Free fallin’.” Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I like both. Have you made any progress toward going after your dreams? No. I don’t even have any dreams to work towards right now. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? My family definitely would. They always have. Do you have regrets? Do I ever. Does anyone really know you? I don’t even really know me. I’ve changed these past few years and became someone I don’t know and certainly don’t like. I’m struggling with whether this is who I really am now, or am I like this because of my depression and health stuff? I really don’t know. Are you close to anyone right now? My mom and brother. What color is your trash can? The one in my room is white. Do you know anyone who is stuck-up? Yes. What color is your dresser? Brown. Are you more boho, hipster, sporty, goth, or girly? I’m just casual. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic, Macys, JCP... I don’t really remember where else I shopped in high school. Do you drive a car? No. If not, do you wish you had a car? I don’t drive, so I have no use for a car. Do you own a computer? If yes, is it a desktop or laptop? I have a laptop. What color is your cell phone? Coral. How old were you when you first got a cell phone? 16. What is your favorite season? Fall. Do you wish you had a popsicle right now? No. I’m not a popsicle person. Or ice cream in general, really. I rarely have any. It’s been like 3 years since I’ve had any. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? My dog, Scruffy. He was with us from the time I was 5 until I was 18. What’s your favorite color? Pastels, yellow, mint green, rose gold, and coral. Do you like pineapple on pizza? Nope. List five of your favorite youtubers. Nah. Who’s your best friend? My mom. If you don’t have one, who do you wish were your best friend? Is your heart hurting? Not physically, but yeah. What song are you listening to right now, if any? I’m not. At what time of day do you usually feel the most energetic? Never? What medication or drug has given you the worst withdrawals? I’m sure my pain med would.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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irenerei · 5 years

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ELSEWORLD SVT OMEGAVERSE

Alpha Wonwoo x Omega Hoshi (SoonYoung)

• The reason this is elseworld is due to it is not at the same universe of my previous svt Omegaverse entry. And since Svt have 78 kinds of ship. I am pretty sure this is not the last elseworld. I mean if anything send request asking I would try to write some ideas as well.

• I only recently discover the dynamic of this pair. Sorry new carat here.So yea elseworld omegaverse is a thing in my head

• This pair istg kinda reminds me alot of early kangin and heechul tho. *cough just some vibes not 100 accurate but they are different so move on

• So. We established ALPHA wonwoo in the Wonhui version and Alpha SoonYoung in SoonChan version (please find svt Omegaverse tag in my page if you are interested), so things and chemistry will be interesting cos them both are dealing with different ppl now.

• Again we know where this all started. I really had fun looking at them during one fine day in Japan. I literally laugh until I choked.

• This pair will be using the start as rival but end up as lover trope. Of course they are not rivals to begin with. I believe in variety shows they just wanna show that chemistry for audience's fun purposes.

• I mean go find some Wonsoon videos in YouTube, you will understand what i mean. one fine day in Japan was just a glimpse of what they are capable of.

• Kinda like Eunhyuk vs Siwon before they enlisted or Eunhyuk vs Yesung in recently years lol. One side love to tease the other for sake of laughs.

• I mean have you fan cam of SoonYoung was exciting interacting with people and lose sight of a jib camera. Then Wonwoo while singing his part just casually pulls SoonYoung over so that the latter does not crash into an accident, hurting himself.

• Ok so. This two I won't be glossing them as fated pair. But they knew they will be getting along well ever since first meeting.

• SOONYOUNG'S PERSONALITY WAS THE MAIN POINT HE CAN FUNLY GET ALONG WITH EVERYONE.

• While Wonwoo who is more observant. Will be the one to slowly open up himself. And once he shed his facade, you know he is a fun guy too.

• Ok enough establishing stating the obvious. So. The team all predicted Wonwoo will be an alpha along with Mingyu, they thought them 2 are the obvious ones.

• But omega SoonYoung was a surprise. (In this universe perf team alpha will be Jun and Minghao while SoonYoung and Chan are the omegas)

• SoonYoung tries very hard to not let omega gender affect himself. Maybe some supplements for body stamina (Legal medicine) even though he is overall very energetic in the group.

• Wonwoo constantly feeling SoonYoung is cute and actually one of his favourite picture was the one where SoonYoung carrying the big jar of Kimchi. The moment that Wonwoo discovered while editing video for Holiday MV

• Because of SoonYoung being very friendly and comfortable with everyone in the group, Wonwoo does not dare to confess. He don't want to ruin the friendship and chemistry they already had. But he was encouraged by Jun to not give up, so Wonwoo never let go of his feelings. Trying hard to analyse and try to make it into words

• Thus, Wonwoo mostly acting as SoonYoung's observant friend but doing things that are low-key romantic. Not flowers and choccolate but in more practical caring way. He will know what SoonYoung need and always make steps ahead to prepare.

• SoonYoung sometimes will forget his cycle due to immersing himself too much into schedule or practise. Either Wonwoo will remind him or he will contact Seungkwan and SeokMin to look closely on SoonYoung

• Once, Wonwoo really sees SoonYoung going through his heat. No one was home and SoonYoung locked himself in the shower room and drenched himself in cold waters. He did not miscalculated his heat, it came early due to stress messing up his cycle.

• But in SoonYoung's mind, he unconsciously pleaded for Wonwoo's help (not in a sexual way). This is also the first time SoonYoung is scared of being an omega in heat.

• Wonwoo was nearby and also caught off guard. He reached to where SoonYoung his by tracing the scent. Separated by the shower room door, Wonwoo tries his best to keep cool, but nearly lost it when he he heard SoonYoung unconsciously called out his name.

• Wonwoo calm himself and inquired what SoonYoung will need.

• He quickly goes out to buy suppressant for SoonYoung and also an alpha suppressant. To prevent things go sideways. "Not now, not like this." he says to himself.

• Wonwoo helped SoonYoung with his meds after injected alpha suppressants. Then carry SoonYoung into his room. Tucked him in then Wonwoo locked Soon Young's door room. He knew he should leave to prevent all hell lets loose but he couldn't leave SoonYoung alone.

• Wonwoo couldn't help rethink again why SoonYoung called out his name when he did not even yet told him he was there.

• SoonYoung after recovery brought Wonwoo to arcade or internet cafe during their free time as a Thank You gift.

• But he does not remember the act unconsciously calling out Wonwoo.

• So when Wonwoo acts more attentive (the gesture of Wonwoo caressing SoonYoung's hair increased,or Performance team members caught Wonwoo looking at SoonYoung), he felt it was weird because Wonwoo was the observant one.

• Jun and Minghao can only pat Wonwoo on his back and let out a sigh

• SoonYoung thought he did something to Wonwoo when he was in heat the other day. Was trying to find the truth behind it.

• Only then Wonwoo and SoonYoung talked about it. SOONYOUNG FLUSTERED AND BLUSHED SO HARD WHEN HE KNEW

• Wonwoo then just started being frank and halfly confessed. SoonYoung's mind was in blank. He did not know how to react is the best. Wonwoo agreed on letting him think for sometime, assuring him things won't change.

• Even though the group have a few alpha x omega pair, Wonwoo tries not to use the gender nature to force his feelings upon SoonYoung. He want to keep it in human individual not an Alpha to Omega

• SoonYoung appreciated this so much. His family too.

• So they start going out, being friends,teammates and lovers/pair

• I DID MENTION SOONYOUNG LOVES BACK HUG BEFORE. I WILL STILL ADD IT IN HERE. HE LOVES BACK HUG EVEN THOUGH HE IS THE SLIGHTLY SHORTER ONE

• Wonwoo loves to pulls the other's by putting his arm around their shoulder and pulls the person close to him.

• I SHOULD MENTION SOONYOUNG'S SMILING EYES WILL BE THE TRIGGER OF WONWOO'S CRINGING NOSE LAUGHTER

• They do fight but will apologise quite quickly and speak out concerns.

• Wonwoo will be the caring worrywart and SoonYoung will be the happy energizer.

• Members knew when they got together cos they noticed SoonYoung tend to do more eye contact with Wonwoo

• Even their spats sounds like a loving couple got together for sometime.

• SoonYoung :" You keep doing it because you know that I am in love you."

• Wonwoo : "Are you?"

• SoonYoung: " I don't!" (make a weird face)

• Wonwoo:" Too late. You are in love with me, you said that 5 seconds ago. You are not the Tiger Hoshi if you eat your words. "

• SoonYoung loss at words

• Imagine them asking Jihoon/Woozi to play Hurricane back track and them just do casual karaoke to it having fun also to reminisce one fine day japan

• And Jihoon be like :"someone save me from me idiot teammates"

• It took some time for them to really bond. (Before that Wonwoo took suppressant and nursed SoonYoung)

• After some while like maybe several months later, Wonwoo will try some other poses. He just plainly wanna make his partner feel good.

• I AM OBLIGATED TO HEADCANON BELOW CONVERSATION

• "Wonwoo I don't think i can..."

• "You are doing good SoonYoung-ah, dont worry"

• Ok i am done maybe other ideas for some other time.

#svt hoshi #svt omegaverse #svt wonwoo #kwon soonyoung #jeon wonwoo #soonyoung #wonwoo #wonyoung #hoshi #wonwoo x Hoshi #seventeen omegaverse #seventeen #svt ship

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inkfinale · 5 years

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So, it's been a little over a month since I went to the ER. Basically, I had genuinely believed I was about to die. I wasn't, and obviously didn't, but believing that for 5-6 hours straight really fucked some things up that I'm still trying to get past and heal from mentality speaking.

What had actually happened was a 5-6 hour long anxiety/panic attack. But I didn't know that's what those felt like. Not to say I hadn't experienced them before--I just never knew that's what they were. They'd only lasted somewhere between 30 minutes to an hour, maybe two hours, but not as severe. To sort of explain why I didn't mention those moments to anyone for so long (until the ER visit), I have a heart condition where one of my valves is "floppy"-- it doesn't seal quite properly when it's pumping. So, I had assumed these anxiety attacks (which have only happened at night, causing me to not be able to fall asleep and get an accelerated heartrate) were "just" a symptom of my heart condition that I had to deal with occasionally. And never really mentioned it to parents/ doctors because I was(and still am) terrified of surgery or anything else invasive.

But a month ago, I had this out of the blue moment where when I took one of my meds it got caught in/ scratched my throat, and that feeling wasn't going away with drinking/eating anything-- and I'm pretty sure that's what began the anxiety/panic attack. But I was still sort of trying to sleep like normal, laid down in bed for a while. Heart was beating kinda fast but not super bad, and I didn't feel physically calmed like what going to bed usually feels like. I assumed it was just because I had gone to a party earlier that evening and I just had a bit of energy leftover from socializing. And an hour passed I think of feeling the same way. I'm not exactly sure what I did most of that night, but when I realized I couldn't sleep I decided to go to the bathroom (idk why I thought that would help but whatever) and then walk around a bit, browse the internet. Messaged my friends in the group chat, which throughout the night changed from something like "ah shoot can't sleep again" to "I think something's wrong." Not getting replies from anyone wasn't helping either.

I tried to go back to sleep but that wasn't working. I think I started to fall asleep but with my heart going so fast my brain registered it as "you will die if you fall asleep" and I jerked awake-- that thought definitely made the anxiety attack worse. Which made my heart go faster. Which made me think I was having heart failure-- again making the anxiety attack worse, and getting into an awful cycle that was increasingly scaring the shit out of me because I didn't know the specific symptoms of an anxiety attack to know that's what it was and that I was not actually dying. But it kept going. I started pacing because I was afraid to go to sleep. Which is honestly probably one of the worse fears you can feel.

At about 5am I called my parents. (I was 2 hours away from home at college. My mom regularly wakes up around 5, but not on purpose, so when I knew i'd been awake looking enough for my mom to wake up, I knew it was bad.) I said I wasn't sure if I should go to the ER because I didn't know how bad something had to be to warrant going there. But I was terrified, and my mom was worried because of how late/early I was calling, and what I described. They were going to come down that day anyway, but they left a lot sooner than they were planning to. So at 5am I knock on my roommate's door, "Can you drive me to the ER?" Considering we barely talked or hung out ever, she got her shit together VERY fast to be ready to drive me once I got dressed.

So, ER. It wasn't the rushing energetic frantic-nurses-and-doctors-everywhere scene you see on TV. When we first pulled up I thought it was closed. I'll skip the weirdness that was going on in the ER that morning and save it for another post or something if anyone's interested. --I sign in, get blood pressure tested, change into the gown thing and get hooked up to an EKG (because I had told them I thought something was wrong with my heart). I'm there for about two hours, constantly nervously looking at the heart monitor and how high the numbers were. It started beeping loudly at one point and flashing, which probably only made my heart rate faster. No one came running in to check on me or anything, and i was too scared/nervous to call out for someone. I did breathing stuff for a while to calm down a bit, which sort of helped. In the end they barely told me in person what I was experiencing (or they did and I was too flustered to absorb that information) but gave me some papers on it. I went back to the apartment and somehow took a shower on zero sleep, parents picked me up, and instead of the fun/relaxing day we'd planned I asked to just go home for the night, and skip my one class the next day.

The week after that was hard. I was on edge all the time, terrified of sparking another anxiety attack, and for four days after I continued to feel like I had gotten my medicine caught in my throat every time I took it (and I still can't take it properly, as if I lost the comfort and muscle memory). The couple weeks since the first week have been better, but something happened the first week which was odd, which is the reason I'm making the post in the first place.

Just the background took a lot of time to write up, it's currently 1:36am, so i'll try to remember to finish my thoughts tomorrow. If I forget, hopefully that means I feel better about things than I did tonight.

#my life #long post #sorry i don't usually share this kind of stuff but it was a really... impactful moment in my life recently and i'm hoping for #someone who has advice or input that might help calm me down on some things finally #anxiety attacks #panic attacks #ER #sorry i don't know what other tags to warn people about if they don't want to see this #i'm on mobile and can't do the cut thing either as far as i know

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studysnooze · 6 years

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i kind of felt like i needed to make this post because i have been stressed out of my actual mind as of late and that isn’t helping me with my anxiety so i thought i would share some tips with you guys- friends in hopes that this helps you and also in turn helps me bc i am s t r u g g l i n g right now haha

If you find yourself in panic attack/mental breakdown situations (during studying, sleeping, whenever):

1. TAKE A DEEP BREATH: this is legit some of the most underrated advice but this is so so so so so important. i often find myself holding my breath without thinking and even if you look stupid forcing yourself to breath between shaking and crying just do it. please. you will instantly feel better because bottling things up is legit the most toxic thing you could do to yourself

2. if the resource is there: talk to someone. talk to a trusted adult like a teacher, mentor, counselor, or even your parents. i know how it is: you might not trust them, believe me- i have had a fair share of adults who have let me down from time to time and trust me, once you find someone that is perfect for you to talk to, you will cherish that person for the rest of your life. I will never forget my first middle school counselor, i don’t know her name mainly because i was having a panic attack when i met her but i’ll remember her face and her hospitality forever. and she was a stranger to me at the time: sometimes you need that outside stranger to talk to you know? that way, you get a less biased? (idk weird wording there but you get it) response

3. FOOD AND WATER: i cannot tell you how bad i am at drinking water like it’s hopeless at this point but its SOOO important for you! pleaseee drink water. i think water tastes like nothing and it’s pointless to drink it but that is really crazy thinking so don’t follow me on that please because i am seriously working on it these days and my skin has started to clear up majorly but i also feel so much better in general? like hydration does wonders i’m serious- you might not even notice but it’s doing something nice at least to your body. food food food food food please eat something. i know sometimes when i dont eat a few meals because i am so caught up in work, i forget what it feels like to be hungry and that is absolutely ridiculous, do not skip that many meals. i don’t care if your grade depends on it tomorrow for chem or that you need to finish your slide for that group project: if you cannot remember what you ate last literally drop whatever you are doing and get a freaking granola bar- not even- get a sandwich, some chips, and a water or a salad or some carrots and hummus LITERALLY ANYTHING put it in your mouth and chew it slowly and savor your food and thank the universe that your food is making you more energetic to complete your work because honestly not eating makes you feel so weak and it shuts you down. and you know what? when you shut down, it gives you more room to be stressed and anxious because that happens to me too many times in my life and it is the worst feeling in the world: being anxious, sleep deprived, weak :( its not okay and i need my people to stop suffering so eat your carrots kiddos❤

4. nap! this is also extremely simple but soooo underrated. literally nap for like 10 minutes and you will feel SO GOOD afterwards. i know it takes me at least 30 minutes to fall asleep because that’s just me but as soon as i feel sleepy, i turn on my alarm. shutting your brain off for a few minutes does wonders: it actually recharges and resets your brain for a little bit and as long as you don’t sleep for too long, you will wake up more motivated than ever before!

4.5 going off of the previous point: if you are truly tired, sleep. sleep. sleep. i cannot tell you this enough. there is absolutely no point and no shame in going to bed if you have a headache, your eyes are closing and you cannot focus anymore. plain and simple: it’s just a major waste of time and you will have to end up studying it again anyways. i try to get to bed around 11 which i know is already pushing the late boundaries but if you go to sleep and really, truly, need to finish your work in the morning, wake up a couple hours earlier and finish it quickly- maybe catch a few more z’s. it’s better to get your hours in earlier and wake up feeling better than going to bed at 4:30 (cough thanks nonso) and waking up 3 minutes before school because you shut off your alarm. i’m only telling you guys my stupid mistakes just so you know there are consequences to not following this advice people- this is first hand experience haha

5. TAKE YA MEDS KIDDOS: that’s literally it, you may have forgotten and now are in deep doodoo with yourself whoops set a reminder

if you have trouble sleeping/resting at night or whenever:

1. i have had trouble staying asleep throughout the night for the past few years now. i’m not sure how it started but my brain is just too hot wired these days to stay put: there are some quick things i do when i wake up shaking, panicking, restless, miserable, whatever in the middle of the night:

listen to rain sounds on spotify

listen to my favorite podcasts (i gotta make a post about this, message me if you want podcasts like asap after reading this something)

watch “planet earth” or “round planet” on netflix- round planet is by BBC so there’s that old british guy talking and i think it’s nice :) overall, it’s super therapeutic i highly recommend

make a warm cup of tea or milk: i usually put honey and cinnamon in my milk or honey in my tea and it’s quite nice i think, it makes me sleepy again

sometimes i wrap myself in extra blankets and cuddle with more stuffed animals to help me fall/fall back asleep. i think there is some nostalgic feeling about being tucked in and being all warm and safe that makes me calm down again i’m not sure why

if you’re having trouble focusing while studying (i got through this at least once a day omg):

1. take a breather! drinks a glass of cold water, stare around the room for a bit, walk around the neighborhood or the house or the library or wherever you are for a bit- get that blood flowing again

2. look at something motivational! i have a motivation tag kind of thing on my page called #feelgood so you can check it out if you want haha but there are tons of motivational videos and posts from the studyblr community so :)

3. study something you are interested first! this is by far the most useful study advice i have ever received because it motivates me to subconsciously focus my brain and keep me in a “grind” kind of mood

3.5 related to the previous point, study in small chunks! also switch up on the subject if you get bored.

4. do a hobby! i LOVE reading for fun during study breaks or when i can’t focus especially when i’m super interested in the book because i get sucked into that universe and after i finish a chapter i want to finish more work in order to keep reading- it’s great. i also love doodling intricate designs on my moleskine to keep my busy and i also like writing poems or editing photos. just find something that is calming to you in order to give your brain a break! once you have that little reset, i promise you will feel better going back to work

5. stop studying? sometimes i burnt out in the middle of studying and you just have to realize when you’ve reached your limit for the night/day so just stop and get some sleep, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping or taking a rest just a reminder <3 and sometimes that means you can get back to your work later or not and that’s okay :)

along with my finals series, i’m going to dedicate an entire post for reasons as to why you should stop comparing yourself so look for that in the next couple of days or so :)

and just a reminder that you can do it! no matter your barriers you WILL overcome them with flying colors and you will have an amazing summer very soon✨

love,

Nonso

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maki-and-sushi · 6 years

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DGR2 boys with a S/O who forgot to take their meds, and seeing them for the first time like that.

I do this sometimes, and I hate how people treat me. i also always have a soft spot for the DV2 boys... so I'm glad to serve you this meal! -mod Katie

Warnings: Language, probably. (fuyuhiko AND mod katie = swears) I also delved into some of the more negative aspects of living with things like ADD, ADHD (even though they aren't mentioned by name)

Nagito Komadea

Nagito is a little thrown, at first. he noticed a slight change, but he wasn’t going to say anything, he didn’t feel like it was his buisness. but after you explain to him what’s going on to him, he’s glad he can see you as you are naturally, without the drugs. You have to kind of remind him that you’re supposed to take the meds, that they help you! He understands and tells you he likes you as you are, meds or no.

nagito doesn't really see a difference, at first. but after an hour of two, when the meds have fully left your system? Ho, Boy.

you’re almost like a child, how you’re running this boy ragged all over the island, following your every impulse. (”Nagito! let’s go build sandcastles at the beach.....Nagito, lets go watch a movie!!! Nagito i’m huuuuungry!!”) You laugh a lot harder at teruteru’s bad jokes, and smile easier at sonia’s metaphors than usual, too.

he doesn't seem to mind too much, though. he hasn't seen you genuinely smile so care-free in a long time. And being able to get you to smile like that? It fills him with hope and joy!

at the end of the day you get quiet and tell him you’re glad he took care of you today. that it means so much to you that he would put up with you like this. you hugged him tight and apologized for being a pain. He assures you it’s no big deal! he’s glad you graced him with you're presence, and the fact that you trusted him to take care of you in a venerable state, means you trust him. and that means the world to him.

Hajime Hinata

Hajime is a little freaked out when he walks in for breakfast and you and teruteru were cooking and baking while dancing to music blaring from a radio.

at the best of times, you would talk to teruteru with common politeness. and at best, you weren’t one to want to do much in the morning. you preferred to lazily chat with people over some fruit for breakfast. And that was about it.

when hajime commented on the fact you seemed more energetic than usual, you just giggled and skipped over to him, and gave him a big hug!

“Hajime is so sweet for worrying! i just forgot to take my meds today, is all!”

He didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he instead asked if there was anything he could do to help you. you had explained to him before why you took medicine when he had noticed pill bottles around your cottage one day. hearing his question, you smiled and gave him a sweet smile.

“well, since you asked!~”

hajime didn’t like the look you were giving him, and rightly so. you spent the entire day just doing whatever you pleased, dragging him along with you. you were loud, and acting very childish. The worst thing about it was when hajime got annoyed, all you would do is giggle and not take him seriously!

Hajime was tired, his feet were sore, and he had a headache. you not taking his annoyance seriously didn’t help, either.

Noticing the look that had passed over Hajime’s face, you quieted down and curiously asked him what was wrong.

He knew he couldn't yell, because the way you were acting was just how you were, and he shouldn't blame you for being yourself. but hearing you so casually dismissing his annoyance,, and then asking what was wrong-!

he had had enough. with a firm ‘nothing. i’m tired. i’m going to lay down.’, hajime turned and left. he hadn’t made it 10 feet when you scrambled after him and tugged his shirt.

“hajime i’m sorry! what did i do? please forgive me!” you pleaded with him, as he kept walking to his cottage. the rest of the time it took to get to his cottage was filled with you pleading and whining about why he was leaving. He eventually just tuned it out. It wans’t untill he had made it to his cottage and he turned to tell you goodbye that he notice the quiet sobs and tears that had appered on your face.

“H-haji-me i’m-m sorry!” you cried, “i kniw t-that i’m annoying, a-and that i’m stupid and more t-troublt than i’m worth b-but-..... P-Pleas don’t leave! tell me why you’re mad at me! please, please, so i can make it better-!” and with that, you curled into yourself and dissolved into quiet sobs. All the previous annoyence and anger had left him in one swift punch to his gut, and was replaced with panic and sorrow for seeing you cry.

He pulled you to him in a tight hug and started trying to calm you. It occured to him that he probabaly looked like he was petting a distressed puppy, but at the moment he didn’t care.

its only when your crying had slowed and the hiccups had begun that he finnally noticed the judgmental stares of bystanders (kozuichi) and realized how bad this looked.

with a gentle hand he guided you into his cottage and sat you down on his couch. when you had finally calmed down enough, he quietly asked if you needed anything, like water or something. when you nodded he went to grab a water bottle and thought about what he was going to say .

when he came back, and you were quietly sipping on the water he began to calmly explain how brushing off his feelings had made him feel. you started to tear up and apologize again, and it occurred to hajime how small you looked then, how venurable you looked when you asked him to forgive you.

with a gentle smile, he told you that he could never hate you. he just asked that you be more considerate to his feelings next time. you hastily nodded.

you two spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling and napping in hajime’s cottage.

sure, you were a lot to handle when you were like this, but hajime found that you were worth every moment.

Byakuya Twogami

Byakuya was annoyed, at first. he was trying to keep an eye on everyone, and you were just running around, and causing havoc and discord among everyone.

when he finally manages to pull you aside and ask just what has gotten into of you, you tell him you just forgot your meds is all, no big deal!

he settles you with a firm stare and tells you to go take them. You resist because you don't want to take them! you're doing just fine without them! besides, he's your boyfriend! he should like you just the way you are, no meds needed!

you're being stubborn, you know you are, partially from boredom, but also partially because you were getting tired of people hating the real, unfiltered version of you. sure, everyone preferred the calm, mellow, quite you. everyone was constantly annoyed by the loud, bright happy you.

you resented those pills. even if they helped you focus and helped you study for school, they made you sad and quiet. so much so, that you had to take pills to make yourself feel better. you hated it. pills to make you focus, pills to make you happy. it kind of made you feel like you were, for lack of a more fitting word, broken.

And the more you argued with byakuya, the more upset you got. it was a petty argument, you knew, (and one you had done many times in the past) but it was one you were determined to win.

he told you that you were acting like a child. you smirked.

"well if you think so lowly of me for acting like a child, what does that say about you? someone who fell in love with this child?" you told him, smirking.

he paused "I don't look down on you. how could I look down on someone I care about?"

this confused you. "how do you not look down on me? you want me to take those pills because you hate the way I am now. because you hate the fact that deep down, I am a child at heart. and you, you're so serious, so mature. it makes sense you wouldn't want me to act like a child. it would ruin your reputation to date someone like me, right? I mean-" he cut you off with a stern glare. "I don't care weather or not you act like a fool or are a 'child at heart' as you put it. I merely called you a child because you will not listen to reason. I am not saying you should take your medication because I hate your true nature, but because those are medications to balance out your brain chemistry, given to you by a medical professional who believes that they will help you."

needless to say, byakuya was often your voice of reason in these scenarios. and he always eventually got you to surrender and take the medicine. (better late than never , you would always concede with a tired smile) usually after you had some time to reflect, you apologized for your behavior, and thanked him for being so good to you. (and byakuya would never admit it, but the hugs you gave him as thanks always made his day so much brighter.) he always assured you that it wasn't any sort of labor to him, and if it was, he would do it anyway. because what kind of boyfriend would he be if he couldn't look after you?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

His temper runs short on a good day, but on the days where you aren't your calm self to ground him? his temper is a loaded gun. needless to say you both have petty arguments over little things and usually end up storming off away from each other.(until one of you comes to their senses and apologizes)

peko is useually there to smack some sense into him when he won't man up and apologize, or to point out that you were at fault in the argument and guilt you into apologizing.

fuyuhiko and you always make up after though, neither of you belive in going to bed angry at the other, so even when you both are furious with each other, you always end phone conversations with 'stay safe' (or some variant of ' I love you' when you are in relative privacy) and will always tell the other goodnight. (everyone knows about this and thinks it's the cutest shit ever)

fuyuhiko thinks you should probably remember to take your meds, but after you tell them how they make you feel sometimes, he fully supports you when you take days off. (and tell any of your more sarcastic friends to go fuck themselves when they patronizingly ask if you've taken your meds today)

fuyuhiko is a loving and supportive boyfriend (even if he gets a little emotional sometimes) and he is firm in loving you , meds or not.

Gundham Tanaka

gundham first thinks you are possessed. he actually tries to put a spell on you to remove the demon before you get hurt. when you notice him weirdly chanting while intensely staring at you, you come over to ask him what's up.

"I am attempting to remove the foul entity possessing you, my dark companion."

you laugh and tell him that you aren't possessed, that you just ran out of meds and forgot to pick up more from usami yesterday. he looks a little relived (and also a little disappointed?) and carries on like normal by demanding you tell him your evil plot for the day. you tell him you were just going to hang out with ibuki as she's usually the only one who can keep up with you when you get this way.

Gundham, however, takes this as both personal insult, and challenge.

"only -.... My dark love! do you doubt the power I posses? no? then why do you not think I can ' keep up'?!" gundham demands. When you explain to him that you can get a little rowdy and energetic and annoying he merely scoffs and demands you cancel your plans so he can 'steal you away and show you his true power'. you think it's sweet he wants to spend the day with you, and accept.

you and gundham spend the whole day running around and doing things. you went to the rocket mart and built a little playground lair for the four dark devas, you helped him gather some books on ancient summoning rituals, you re-enacted his battles with him, you both had lunch at the diner and then went to the beach....

you had so much fun! at the end of the day, you kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for being with you. he quietly assured you that it was no problem, and that you should always come to him if you needed a distraction, or needed to have a demon slain. you laughed and told him you would remember that.

Kazuici Soda

the first thing kazuichi noticed is how touchy-feely you were. you were constanlt hugging him and asking for piggy back rides. you and him were both normally touchy people, but this was a little much.... but who was he to complain if they wanted to hug him? he loved hugs, and he loved them!

the second thing he notices is how easily you're laughing at his jokes. he's telling some pretty crappy ones, and even though you usually gave a pity laugh, you seemed to actually chuckle at these. when you started laughing at everyone's jokes, however, he was getting a little irked.

it wasn't till you suddenly paused in the middle of your conversation with him and quietly said to yourself "I forgot to take my meds." that he realized what was up. he stood up and grabbed your hand.

he walked you back to your cottage, chatting along the way with you. he knew you proffered you didn't miss a day of your meds because sometimes you could get headaches and get snappish during the withdrawals.

after your meds are taken care of, he invites you to his cottage to watch a movie with him while he tinkers with stuff. he makes sure you remember to eat throughout the day, and asks if you want stuff whenever he goes out for something. you fall asleep watching a movie together, and the next morning kazuichi makes the trip to your cottage for your meds so you don't forget to take them again.

Nekomaru Nidi

You actually don't usually forget to take your meds with him around. he either(unintentionally) wakes you up on his way out for a morning jog, and leaves the pills on the nightstand, or makes breakfast and has your meds sitting on the counter. He can't help it! he's a manager! he just wants to make sure you have everything you need to be sucsessful!

on the off day where you do forget to take them when he goes out for his morning jog, the night before hand you had been up until 3 playing games, and completely bypassed the meds on the nightstand in a search for coffee. when he got back from his jog and discovered that you had torn apart his cottage looking for your book (it was on the counter) and you had misplaced your reading glasses (they were on your head) , he asked if anything was wrong.

you looked at him, annoyed. you also wouldn't stop fidgeting, tapping your foot or running your hands through your hair. "I don't know what's going on today! I'm just so forgetful! first I left the faucet on, then I forgot where I put my pen, then I couldn't find my book, but as soon as I found it, I lost my glasses! gosh, it's times like these where I really don't see a difference in my meds- ... Oh my god I forgot my fucking meds." he let out a hearty laugh and told you that your glasses were on your head. when you reached up and found them, you kissed him on the cheek

"thanks hon! I'll clean up my mess after I go take my pills." as you left the room, nekomaru looked after you fondly. you were a force of nature, that was for sure.

Teruteru Hanamura

teruteru loves when you forget to take your meds, and can always tell when you don't. your meds tend to curb your appetite, so you usually only snack throughout the day until dinner. being the ultimate chef, you declining his offers for meals and food always stings a little. but he gets it. his mama, after she got sick, had to take pills that sometimes curbed her appetite too. so he always made sure to have a few snacks prepped in the kitchen whenever he could coerce you to eat.

when you weren't on your meds, however, it was like a holiday for teruteru. you were always hungry and eating whatever he cooked! you supposed that it was your body's way of trying to catch up on all the food you miss when your on your medicine. so whenever you ask him what's for lunch (you usually managed to squeeze in something light for breakfast before pills kicked in) his face just lights up, and he gets right to work making something tasty and original for his babe!

sometimes he packs picnics for the beaches, sometimes he makes buffets so you can try a little of everything! and since you don't like to take your meds in the afternoon, he can even get you to eat dessert with him after dinner!

you eating the food he prepares makes him so happy! and because you seem to love it so much, it makes him so prideful!

even if you run him ragged when you don't take your meds, teruteru loves having you around, and he loves taking care of you in his own way.

#super danganronpa 2 #danganronpa 2 #mod katie

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theliterateape · 6 years

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Problematic Movies of the '80s | Blame it on Rio (1984)

By Don Hall

As a horny seventeen-year-old, the subject of the May/December affair was far from my hormonally infused penisbrain. I remember a rumor that the history teacher at my high school (who was completely bonkers and quite violent in his moods) got fired for banging one of the seniors the year before. Beyond that, my only connection to the very idea of a fifty-year-old man even being a viable sexual partner for a teenage girl was from the world of rock ‘n’ roll.

Thirty-five years later, I get it.

Hell, when I was in my late forties, I was pursued by (and subsequently dated for a period) a young woman not only half my age but whose father was a year younger than me. She told me, as the four months of energetic boning came to an end, that when she saw me onstage at The Moth she told her friend “I’m going to fuck him. I won’t fall in love but I’m definitely going to fuck him.”

She was correct on both counts and when she jumped from me to a more famous and wealthy fifty-year-old man with whom I worked, I wasn’t surprised. As I understand it, he experienced much the same. Mind you, I’m not complaining. Aside from the great sex, I realized that younger women and older men seem to be attracted in that way due to the fact that both are at equivalent maturity levels.

Back in 1984, though, the concept was foreign. Irrelevant to my worldview.

What I remember about Blame it on Rio was Michelle Johnson. Specifically, her impressive set of jugs. What I didn’t know about French farce, international travel, the pedigrees of actors like Michael Caine, Joseph Bologna, and Valerie Harper was easily eclipsed by my desire to see her naked on the big screen.

I took a date. We had some dinner and then the movie. About three-quarters through the film, my date excused herself to go to the bathroom and never came back. Following the show, I hung out in the lobby for an hour before I determined that I had been ditched but I’m pretty certain I didn’t much care.

Recalling the one viewing I had of the film back in ’84 it is notable that while I remember thinking it was funny the only thing truly burned into my memory was Johnson and the fact that I spent probably three months after jerking off to her image like a starving man drooling over that one amazing meal he never had.

Not a raging endorsement of the possibility of lasting filmic value.

Blame it on Rio Written by Charlie Peters & Larry Gelbart Directed by Stanley Donen

The plot comes from a 1977 French farce Un moment d'égarement, it involves two friends who work for the same Brazilian company, Matthew (Michael Caine) and Victor (Joseph Bologna) who decide to take a vacation together without their wives, since both men are having marital difficulties. Each brings his teenage daughter along, and there is trouble when Matthew begins an affair with Victor's daughter, Jennifer (Michelle Johnson). As Victor catches wind of the fling, Matthew tries to keep his involvement a secret, leading to plenty of uncomfortable situations. Oh, the hilarity, right?

Complete with Caine and Johnson serving as a post-summer Greek chorus in cutaway narratives, Bologna cracking wise about his imminent divorce and his harpy of a wife, a scene on a topless beach where we are treated to Caine and Bologna ogling topless women, this is one classy picture, gang.

Rooted in the situation comedy trappings, borscht-belt wisecracks and farcical door slam antics, like the giant flip cellular phones in Heat, this thing does not date particularly well. The music has that “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” soft FM sound combined with the composition style of the themes to Perfect Strangers or Family Ties. Apparently I loved farce as a kid but now can’t stand it comedically.

Once Matthew breaks it off (almost immediately after) Jennifer tells her father about her broken heart from an older man but leaves out who the older man is. Victor loses his shit and he enlists Matthew to find this guy on the island so he can beat him up. More hilarity as Matthew tries to cover up the fact that he fucked his best friend’s teenage daughter until he finally tells him only to find out that Victor has been fucking Matthew’s wife. The whole thing is played with wink-wink adolescence of a slightly greasy, older uncle complimenting his niece on her pantyline.

But don’t take my word for it. Here’s a bit of Roger Ebert’s review of it back in the day:

“Blame it on Rio, however, has the mind of a 1940s bongo comedy and the heart of a porno film. It's really unsettling to see how casually this movie takes a serious situation. A disturbed girl is using sex to play mind games with a middle-aged man, and the movie gets its yuks with slapstick scenes where one guy goes out the window when the other guy comes in the door. What's shocking is how many first-rate talents are associated with this sleaze. The director is Stanley Donen, of Singin' in the Rain.

“The plot is the usual silliness: Two families are planning a vacation in Rio, but then Caine has a disagreement with his wife, who decides to go to Club Med instead. What finally happens is that the two fathers and their teenage daughters go to Rio, where Johnson shamelessly seduces Caine with techniques that seem more appropriate to a brazen hussy than to a seventeen-year-old kid. The rest of the movie alternates uneasily between the girl's neurotic attempts to manipulate Caine with sex, Caine's real qualms, and wildly inappropriate screwball scenes.”

Problematic Moments & Themes

First of all, the idea of a teenager having sex is only horrifying if you’ve never spent more than a half an hour talking frankly with a teenager. Yes, we all love the Parkland Teens but to assume that in their zeal and activism 80 percent of their brains are not occupied with sex is to seriously misunderstand and misremember adolescence.

Second, the idea that older men craving sex from younger women in an advertising culture that emphasizes youth as the ultimate goal and, with complete consent most of the time, objectifies the ideal feminine body as a prop to sell cars, tobacco, burgers, booze, and insurance is anything but unusual or necessarily unwarranted.

All that taken into account, Johnson wasn’t even eighteen years old when she filmed this crap. Caine (who has gone on record as having been mightily uncomfortable with this drek) was fifty-one. Now, given that Caine is known for both The Cider House Rules and JAWS: The Revenge, his taste in work can be summed up as “Am I getting paid?” so his discomfort probably was obviously not intense enough to avoid this shot:

In terms of being problematic, there’s not much here that smacks as a horrible violation of current mores: Jennifer pursues Matthew, there’s nothing rapey about the thing, and the theme of “What the fuck am I doing?” is prevalent. It is, however, pretty sleazy all the way around like grandpa laughing about that time he masturbated when he saw your best friend mowing the lawn.

It is worth mentioning, again, that there are, again, no black characters in the entire film. And the Latin characters are all broad stereotypes. As I look through this lens of 2018, this is getting pretty discouraging, 1980s.

Did it Hold Up?

No. Not because it’s like an earlier version of HBO’s Dream On or simply a soft porn fantasy for horny middle-aged dudes but because it isn’t funny, it isn’t sexy, and, despite Johnson being easy on the eyes, she is a terrible actor. It’s unfortunate that everyone associated with this thing survived with a career except for her. Although she did guest star on The Love Boat. Take that, Christopher Nolan!

Overall

Scale of 1 to 10 1 = Classic 10 = Burn all VHS copies of it

Blame it on Rio gets a 9

Next Up: Three Amigos (1986)

#Michelle Johnson #Roger Ebert #Michael Caine #Blame It On Rio #Problematic Movies of the ’80s

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