#humans are more complicated than everyone wants them to be and it's extra hard when you yourself have been dehumanized
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I think about a certain post a lot that talked about queer intersectionality. I believe specifically the intersectionality between lesbians and trans men/masc. I know some trans men/masc are completely separated by femininity or any sort of womanhood or general thing that could allude to them as a woman. Which is completely fine of course, I'm happy for them that they found out who they are and what makes them happy.
But within the talk trans men/masc who have a bond to womanhood and lesbianism get drowned out or shamed. Which for me personally is really hard to swallow because I am one of them who have a connection to it, especially I have a complicated connection to lesbianism since I identified as a lesbian when I was very young and still love women like a butch lesbian would (I have no idea how to describe it better) and weirdly it feels right to be seen as a trans man butch when it's about sapphic love. Because my love is always gay.
Tumblr seems to have an issue (or generally queer spaces) with trans men who still identify as a lesbian or are just more complicated with their gender and sexuality. Like transitioning would erase any thoughts, feelings and experiences and they would be a man. Nothing more nothing less.
On that note I want to tell a story with a lesbian I had and my personal thoughts + feelings.
At our queer youth group a few new faces appeared, two of them where lesbians. We talked about our experience of coming out and how life is for trans people (specifically trans men and masc since no transfem/woman was there that day. Or didn't contribute to the conversation I honestly don't remember if there were any. It could be that they were in the different room) and lesbian's.
After some back and forth I decided to speak up about my experience. It all went down to the hypersexualization of lesbians specifically and how they experienced bigotry by people who wanted to "fix" them or didn't believe they were lesbians because "their too young".
I already saw some similarities since that type of talk is pretty much common among all queer youth. That someone will come to fix you or that you're too young to know.
I started to speak about sexualization and how it was for me as a teen trans boy before I started to transition and just came out to my family (that was around 4 years ago).
I told them how the daughter of my dad's GF talked behind my back, which was really weird because from day one I was EXTREMELY open about my trans identity and that people could just ask. Like even she knew that, I said it enough times but she still talke about me to her mother.
Like she could answer all her questions, which I believe the mother later on told me, that she told her, that she couldn't answer them because she is not me.
Mind you the daughter around that time was early thirties and I was a teen.
The mother ended up telling me that her daughter believed that I shouldn't transition, it would ruin my feminine body and that i should wait for a man. Specifically
" He should not transition and have sex first to see if he likes dick. Or else he would regret it"
(I also don't remember if she correctly genderd me but I remember she generally was really good at using the right pronouns that I used around that time. So I hope to God she did use the right pronouns.)
As if a dick could fix me, like a man's genitals would be so good it fix me from my transness and would make me open my eyes that I'm a girl.
One of the lesbians spoke up and told me she had the exact same experience, how people around her said that she should try dick from a man first. That she isn't a lesbian and dick would fix her.
We both talked about it how weird it is that ADULTS talk like that to minors. We both came to our conclusion that her experience as a lesbian had a lot of similarities to my experience to transition as a trans man/masc. (And also to asexuals since a asexual person also spoke up that they had something similar told to them).
It felt weirdly validating. To just bond about it.
I still didn't work through my issues with the connection to lesbianism. I constantly have in mind to read stone butch blues since I saw it recommended a lot of times.
We talked about it more in depth and there would be so much more that I wish I remembered to write it here because it just felt so good and so right. I only remember that the other lesbian later on also spoke up and told her similar experiences about such a thing.
I felt like I was home talking to people I knew for years even tho I only knew them for an hour.
Either way I have no idea what my sexuality is. I just know that I love men like a bear and women like a butch.
Sadly I don't have the courage to go into the lesbian spaces. Terfs are currently popping up more in our queer spaces and racism is pretty prominent, which is really scary for me as an indigenous Latine man/thing. The chef (?), refuses to ban people even if he personally knows and heard how disgusting some of the things are.
I don't want to go there and introduce myself as a trans man and then have to explain my complicated relationship, out of fear of rejection. I wish so dearly I could go into lesbian spaces without fear of judgement.
I can't really identify as a lesbian since it requires only loving women and non binary people and be one yourself. Or at least that was told to me.
But I love men too, I love them dearly just not the way I do with women and my relationship with manhood and masculinity is just as complicated as womanhood and femininity.
My aroace identity maybe plays in this too, or at least it feels like that.
It's weird it's hard and I wish queer spaces are more open to such complicated things. To not push you away when you're questioning yourself, like that.
The only thing I know is that I don't regret transitioning, that top surgery saved my life, I adore my scars and worship the testosterone gel like the tranny faggot I am.
Labels are there to find words for your experience, emotions and thoughts. To find community, solidarity and comfort.
But it's hard to find such a thing when you're labels are the exact opposite and shouldn't work together.
I thought about the label bi-lesbian before but I don't use it.
Either way, it's soon summer I feel it in my bones that I will have an identity crisis again around late spring and summer with how I believe I'm a lesbian, because around that time for 2 almost 3 years straight it happened to me.
I call it the summer lesbian blues.
I wish I could be a lesbian trans man.
Even if it is just for a few months when the sun shines, insects hum and flowers bloom. When I see women in all different types of shapes and forms and make me think;
"God, I'm such a lesbian,I love women so much it tears my heart apart into tiny pieces."
On those times I get Sapho, I always look at paintings of her or read a few lines of her poetry and it makes me feel seen.
The only problem is those emotions are not anymore just in summer, they are always there but show themselves stronger when everything is green and warm.
#trans#transgender#queer#lgbtq#transmasc#trans man#lesbian#tw mention of bigotry#racism#transphobia#homophobia#humans are more complicated than everyone wants them to be and it's extra hard when you yourself have been dehumanized#until you don't see yourself as humans anymore#butch lesbian#trans butch#genderqueer#queer indigenous#two spirit#queer latine#nonbinary
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The Cost of Protection [Yandere elf guard x Fem Reader] 18+ Chapter #1
Based in Barovia (Curse of strahd, some dusk elf lore spoilers)
Warnings: Non-con touching/kissing/ some violence, obsessive treatment, death threats necromancy?
Living in Barovia was hard enough; trying to do business in it is quite the other. Besides all of the ghosts, Undead creatures, and living under the tyranny of a centuries-old whiny vampire, everything was complicated. Still, you had your own set of struggles. Your Tavern was not necessarily famous, but it did good business. You had your regulars, Travelers who would sometimes come and try their hand at defeating the vampire lord Who you never saw again unless it was their Undead body, and some other travelers who were peddling wears pies, toys, weapons, anything that you could imagine then there was the common folk and Crafts People. Everyone was welcome in your Tavern. You offered a warm smile, a glass to drink, and whatever you could scratch up to cook that day; however, you had one unwelcome guest who changed your path forever.
Maverick
It wasn't uncommon that Dusk elves would come into your Tavern. They followed Vistani and often went through the cities of Barovia on a standard route, and more and more did you feel like you saw them integrating with the town, so seeing one dressed in a guard uniform was unusual but not unheard of. His long dark hair was braided up in leather twine, and his eyes were the standard golden color, but you did see a tiredness in them. He was only an inch or two shorter than you. After all, you were pretty tall for a human, but he was well-built and had hands that showed both work and strength. His smile and his voice were the things that stood out most. It had a ruggedness that you admitted caused a little heat in your cheeks the first time you spoke with him.
Speaking of the first time, You remember clearly the first time he stopped by your Tavern. You treated him sweetly, flashed a smile, and put your arms down in front of him, looking up at him with innocent eyes leaning at the bar.
"Anything to drink, sir?"
You Tend to be flirty with everybody. It was basically in a bar person's job description. Still, you noticed that some visitors would give you an extra coin or became regulars if you gave them special treatment. However, his smile made you a little uneasy, almost excited. It was a smile that said he appreciated your treatment and wanted more, how much more you didn't quite understand that time. Did you know that that smile would lead to many other things? He just put your hand just under your cheek and, tilted his head, and said
"I think a beer or mash number 8 would be okay before I have to eat. I could live off your voice and those beautiful eyes forever.
You just left thinking he was making some flirtatious joke, pulled his draft, and handed it to him. From what you've gathered, asking him simple questions about his life gave you non-committal answers or general mods. He was pretty new around town and it was just getting to know all of the local businesses, and he heard that you could get a good cup for cheap and that a cute shop girl was serving the drinks. You laughed again at his flirtatious joke, but you noticed that his eyes never left you from your lips to your shoulders, down your neck to your chest. Even to your backside, when you were turned around and helping other customers with their drinks, you didn't think much of it then. Still, it definitely left you a little unnerved.
After that, he became one of your regulars. You knew his drink by heart, you knew what he liked to sit in at what time, and you learned exactly how to speak with him. Not too much, but he did enjoy hearing a little bit about your day. He wasn't much of a talker, but you don't mind, or you did not have the time.
One night, a set of particularly Rowdy young men was causing ruckuses in your Tavern. You tried to compile them with free drinks and sweet words, but you needed more. It all came to a head when one of them tried to get handsy on you, and he was greeted with a sword to his neck. The man went still as Maverick whispered in his ear, pressing the dagger a little bit closer enough to cut into his neck. He looked at the other two men and said in his low, deep voice.
"Oh, did you both want to be next? As much as I would joy putting all your heads on a platter and making it for the next stew, this one would not appreciate making a mess of her Tavern. How about all of us be nice to you all? Get the hell out of here before I make an example."
They tried to avoid messing with a guard, let alone a dusk elf. There were rumors of them knowing dark magic. Magic rants to them after the travesty of their women being wiped out, dark magic that was taught to them by Rahadin, the right-hand Master of the lord of the world. The ability to raise the dead and control minds are abilities right from hell."
They all scurried off. You were thankful, bowing to Maverick and taking his hand, promising free drinks for the rest of the night. Still, he took your hand and looked at you, his golden eyes hidden behind something mischievous, something lustful that weighed heavy on your heart. In your chest, you felt the heat rise up from your stomach.
"Darling, we can make a better arrangement. How would you like me to offer my protection?"
You looked at him, confused, but still held his hand, your head tilted.
"I would always be thankful, but isn't that what you usually do? I wouldn't want you to give me special treatment."
"Oh well,"
He takes your face and his hand. Squeezing your cheeks ever so slightly,
"If you give me special treatment, I'll give you and your customers special treatment. After all, you wouldn't want anything to happen to you, your Tavern, or your customers, would you, darling?"
He forces your eyes up to his and brings your lips closer. The rest of the Tavern, already daunted by the commotion, looks away. You simply nod in agreement, and he lets you go, patting your shoulder and laughing good-heartedly.
"well, perfect, I think I'll take my first payment tonight."
You panicked, thinking about how much she could get into the day, and said,
"How much are you asking for? I've already offered you free drinks. I don't know what more I can do.-"
He cuts you off, putting his finger to your lips.
"Don't worry. You have everything that I could want to need."
And he walks off.
After closing, when all of the lights in the streets were out and the spirits were already roaming the streets, you clutched to your apron, putting up the last of the chairs. The candle lights were just barely about to go out. You counted up all of your money from the day, and while you made enough of an earning, you were very worried that he would not have enough to pay for this new extortion. You had heard stories of guards and heroes extorting young men and women for protection. You did not think it would happen to you that living in a place of cold and darkness was curse enough, but it looked like the fates had a little more for you.
You almost didn't hear him come in as he stuck his hands around your waist and up your throat. You tried to yell out, but his hand covered your mouth, and he kissed just the side of your ear as you immediately felt yourself wanting to flee. Then he whispered in your ear,
"Oh, now that's a pleasing darling. As much as I would have so much fun chasing you, I don't have the time tonight to have my cute little rabbit."
He put his hands down your hip, lifted your dress, and ran his hand up your thigh as he kissed your jawline and neck. You stammered, still trying to get free.
"You said you wanted payment. I'm really to pay. The draw is open. Take what you want. I don't care. Please, just don't hurt me."
You cry through your struggles, but he just laughs, nipping where your neck and your shoulder mean,
"Oh no, my little rabbit. As much as it delights me to hear you after having to endure hearing you simper over every man who can give you coin, I'm finally able to take the prize that is Rightfullymine after all that will be our deal."
He lifts you up and plenty down on the closest table, the wood scratching into your shoulder, your head banging painfully on it. You cry out in pain. It is silenced by his mouth crashing into yours in a kiss. A rough kiss. He pins your hands down, holding his fingers In times with yours as his tongue searches into your open mouth, wrestling to pin it down. You see his golden eyes boring into yours like a beast unleashed. You stand there stunned, unable to move with his weight pushed against you. Even with your slight height Advantage, his trained muscle and sheer force can do nothing.
He breaks apart, your lips bruised and your tongue hanging out of your mouth, a stream of saliva connecting both of your mouths.
"Please, why are you doing this?"
You manage to choke out as you feel him grinding into your lower half just underneath your dress.
"Well, it's pretty simple, my cute little rabbit. I only joined the guard because I was bored, and I thought I could find some fun beating up the locals or helping young maidens. Still, I saw you, a bright Lily, and a swamp of muck to see simpering and pampering to everybody who entered your Tavern was so endearing I knew I needed to have you. I knew that you were mine, don't you understand? When elves mate, they mate for life, so that means."
He cried to you rougher you feel his hard cock rubbing into your own sex with a need want to be inside you.
"You will be mine for the rest of your life. I will ensure that. If you don't want to be mine, it's pretty simple- you don't have to."
You blink this as he lets you sit up, but he still stands between your legs.
"You mean you'll just let me go. You won't do anything?"
You look at him, hoping that this is some weird pass, and you would know he would just leave you alone. But your hopes are soon crushed.
"oh no, my darling, if you say no,"
he moves in closer, and his sword falls at the back of your neck.
"I will kill you and make sure you are raised as a zombie who has no free will and who is forced to do my bidding for the rest of your Undead life. Do you understand me, my cute little rabbit?"
At that, you feel a heat emanating from his sword, a Blackness clouding around the edges of your eyes, and you know that his promise holds truth. Your body goes rigid and shakes, and tears silently stream down your eyes as he takes you in his arms, rubbing your back oddly comfortingly or trying to be with his sword. His other hand grips your bottom, pulling you closer as he snuggles into your neck, inhaling your scent.
"so you decide to make, my darling. Either I can have you here of your own free will, where I will love and protect you in this Tavern, or I will have the pleasure of seeing your beautiful blood dripping down your chest. I can have you as my perfect little Undead doll."
"The choice is yours. You pretty little rabbit."
#yandere thoughts#yandere writing#yandere x reader#yandere smut#yandere#yandere x you#tw: yandere#yandere boy#tw non con#yandere d&d#COS#curse of strahd fan fiction#dark themes#yandere elf
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Watching House MD for the first time in 2024 full SEASON 1 Review-
- I had learned from his Wiki page before I even started the show that he had a couple of divorces, but Wilson is really bad at marriage, isn't he? His wife is having company and she makes dinner. House calls once and he totally abandons those plans to meet him at a bar. Wilson lies to his wife and says he's working on christmas and then he goes to Houses apartment instead. House continuously implies that wilson is having affairs around the hospital. He's very funny, he's clever, and he can be sweet, but I would NOT want that man as a partner. That being said, whenever House and Cameron were going on a date and he goes to Cameron to tell her not to hurt House was crazy. Everyone is just so worried about Cameron getting hurt and he does NOT care about her. He's like "huh?? why would I care about you i'm here about house??"
- Cameron's crush on House hit me like a ton of bricks. Even before it was revealed that she had a crush. I thought that they were so good as friends. It seems that now at the end of the season. It's kind of been packed up? And i'm glad for that I hope they can go back to being just besties. You kind of begin to see some of the more flawed parts of Cameron in the latter half of this season, which I appreciate. Such as her need to fix things or people. It makes her feel a bit more human and not just a very angelic being.
- Chase also has a lot of flaws shown in the latter half of the season, and a lot more than Cameron. Don't get me wrong, I still love him, but he was one sidedly enemies with a ten year old girl because she was overweight? Also I picked up on a consistent habit that Chase seems to have where in general he's a pretty nice guy, but when things start to go wrong for him, he will say the most out of pocket things to patients. It's a writing quirk that showed up early in the season with the nuns and has been a constant part of his character since. Also, I made a post about this when I watched the episode. But canonically has seen a dominatrix???? More and more ragged pieces of fabric are stitching themselves together to show me a quilt of Chase.
- I hope in the future we get more focus on Foreman as a character. I would like to know everything about this man. And I know that it was a joke at the beginning, but this man really does try to tie every case back to neurology. Him stepping in to tell House not to hurt Cameron by being nice and giving her hope was nice.
- Time for Mister Gregory House himself. Noticing a pattern of him very much being good with children and having no room for idiot parents who are hurting their kids or are weary of medicine. Love to see it. He has a very distinct relationship with everyone on screen. Every person he interacts with, he interacts with the differently. He's pretty hard on Chase, especially after the Vogler incident. He is continuously hard on Foreman as well with an unhealthy dose of micro-aggression mixed in. Generally, he's hard on Chase in a fatherly way and hard on Foreman in a motherly way, if that makes any sense. He is much softer with Cameron. He and Wilson are co-dependent and at the same time can be very cruel to each other, while also supporting each other. It's very interesting to see these dynamics play out.
- Stacy is complicated. Her trying to convince House to do a treatment her husband doesn't want him to do, mirroring how Housebecame disabled was painful. I can see why she would want the treatment for them in both scenarios and I can also see why it can be selfish or wrong. She found someone that doesn't make her feel alone and is willing to forgive her, so in the end I guess she found her way to a happier life. I still think House has the right to be angry, of course and she isn't owed House's forgiveness but she's at least understandable.
Random extra thoughts and things I've noticed:
- THE KID FROM SPY KIDS WAS IN AN EPISODE??
- So was the girl from mean girls, les mis, mama mia, and Jennifer's body, can you tell I don't know peoples names?
- House has the saddest little eyes but they also pierce my soul and make me feel horrible for him, almost like I did something
- House has an array of toys all over his desk, and he plays with his cane or rubber bands all the time
- I could not STAND Vogler. I'm glad they wrapped up his arch this season because I was getting tired of him
Some context:
I'm watching the show mostly because my Twitter and Tumblr were very adamant that I do, but also because I have a running thing where I very rarely finish a show that I start. I've started several shows and finished very few of them. I started watching House on New Year's Eve The day before the first day of 2024 and plan to finish it before the first day of 2025. This is actually a big deal for me because usually I can't finish a show over 3 seasons and the farthest I've gotten is five seasons. I will be posting as I go and also doing a halfway point and a full season review of all 8 seasons.
#house md#hate crimes md#please interact and tell me what you think but no MAJOR spoilers#gregory house#james wilson#allison cameron#robert chase#eric foreman#season review#character study#kind of#house md season 1
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This is probably a weird question, but what are some tips you could give on character design? I've been trying to feel confident with my own designs, but they feel kind of bland... what kinds of things would you suggest to help make designs stand out more?
Hoo boy. Hm. I feel like I am not the right person to ask about this because objectively I do almost nothing you're "supposed" to, but if it's working I guess that means I might be onto something?
A lot of my design considerations are practical. I don't want to give anybody a design that's going to be a nightmare to draw over and over again. I've done enough commissions in my time to know when somebody is overdesigned and therefore hugely annoying to draw, and that's a no-no. So I tend to stick with simple patterns at most, not too many layers, no need for five million belts, no need for incredibly intricate hairstyles, etc. This is a practical consideration for the medium of comic art, but other mediums have different considerations - 3D-modeled art, for instance, can overdesign the characters as much as they want because they only need to model them once, and a lot of visual novel characters are limited to a very small handful of poses and some interchangeable expressions, meaning it isn't prohibitively complicated to make them a little Extra. The most time-consuming and frustrating commissions I've ever done were for characters who were frankly never designed to be drawn more than once. A quick sampling of highlights for the design features I swore to myself I would never deal with again-
So on a basic level, if you're designing a character to draw over and over again, it needs to be something you're willing and able to draw over again. Intricate patterns, a lot of interlocking plates, anything with lace - those are all things I try to avoid.
I've often seen the advice that character silhouettes should be super visually distinct, that characters should be very strongly shaped like different things. I think that's great if your style is that flexible, but if you kind of want everybody to be shaped like a human being with a skeleton, this advice is not very useful.
I think a diversity of body shapes is great, but the style I favor requires the anatomy to at least sort of makes sense, which means while there can still be a lot of variation in the distribution of muscle and fat, everyone's bones are gonna be in roughly the same place. I can't just draw a square and fill it with a dude. So instead I try and distinguish my character silhouettes in other ways.
Everyone's hair is different, and because most characters have big hair, this plays a large part in their silhouette. Falst and Erin both have short hair, but Falst's is a bristling mane while Erin's is usually more swept and soft-looking. Dainix and Kendal both have long hair, but even when Dainix's hair is loose it doesn't hang or flow the same way Kendal's does - it gets in the way, drapes in front of his face and overall doesn't move the same. Alinua's hair is bouncy curls. On top of that, everyone's outfits are fairly simple, but no two of them are exactly the same - Erin has a monopoly on poofy sleeves, Kendal has cuffed boots and the back-slung sword, Dainix has the poncho and the poofier pants, Alinua has the v-neck top with slightly pauldron-y shoulders and the slippers, Falst's clothing is ragged at the edges, etc. Even without getting into their distinct color palettes, everyone's at least a little bit distinct.
And this is another place where I purposefully try to avoid overdesigning. If everyone has too much going on it can circle around to being hard to tell the characters apart, because too much is happening. Who can pay attention to the fact that one character is sleeveless and one has asymmetrical boots and one has a mullet when everybody is wearing eight layers of embroidered fabric with four belts and half a breastplate on top?
Avoiding same-face is hard, and I'm not very good at it. But I do try to make sure everyone's face shape, nose and eyes are at least slightly different from everyone else's. It might not show from a distance and it might not be as extreme as a pixar design sheet, but it's something.
Ultimately the main consideration I keep in mind when designing characters is - perhaps a bit redundantly - their character. Who they are as people, and how that will impact the way they look. Everybody stands differently, and shifts their weight differently when a situation is changing.
Despite both being short, lightweight guys with short hair, Falst and Erin are wildly different people and are not going to dress the same, make the same facial expressions or hold themselves the same way. Despite both being tall, long-haired, generally friendly warrior badasses, Kendal and Dainix carry themselves very differently and react to things in very distinct ways. Tess and Erin have the exact same haircut and nobody noticed for ages because of everything else.
The designs aren't complicated, and compared to some, they aren't even that distinct. But I try to make sure that their personality is visible in every aspect of their design. Every "why?" in their design has an in-character answer, and since they're all quite different on the inside, keeping things simple means that starts showing through on the outside.
This is also how I can visually distinguish between Vash and Kendal, who have the exact same body and clothes.
we can never underestimate the importance of ✨body language✨
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Thoughts about Bound by Briar
It's time once again for me to ramble about what happens after a fic is over!
This is one of the few chaptered fics I've written that doesn't have an epilogue chapter. Sacerdos also doesn't have one, but Dark Fire/From the Ashes and Dyed Dark as Night (as well as the upcoming vampire AU) do. To be honest with you, I struggled with this ending. I wrote like two or three variations before going for this one, which I felt was more fun and more… in character. Plus, I think it offers something the endings in other fics of mine don't, which is also important to me.
Anyway, onto my thoughts.
So, what happens next?
Well, the dynamic between Malleus and Rollo is shifting even further. Pet/owner to vassal and suzerain to... something else. It may look like Malleus has the power from the outside looking in, but he's ceding more and more of it over time. Rollo knows he has an immense amount of sway when it comes to Malleus and he isn't interested in giving that up. He really has nothing else: he can't go home, he can't avenge Jehan (because he can't destroy magic), so what remains? Malleus. Thus, Rollo will dig his claws into him as deeply as possible. In fact… I'd say that this Rollo would (eventually) even accept being transformed into a fae like in DDAN so that he won't have to relinquish Malleus.
Though, I will say, when Rollo figures out what the magestone ring Malleus gave him does he's going to flip the fuck out. He hardly uses magic, so I don't think he'd notice for a while, especially if the main magic he uses is attuned to him (the flames) and thus produces a miniscule amount of blot. I could have covered his eventual discovery in this fic, but I just didn't want to. It'd cascade into a lot of complicated stuff outside the scope of a weird unhealthy romance story. Whether or not Malleus/the fae will agree to maybe start disseminating these magestone rings to humans, that's an issue. I could see Malleus agreeing (purely because Rollo wants it), but will the queen? Maybe they'll start a smuggling operation… Like, they acquire the stones, slip them to the Queendom, and then the Queendom surges in power and dominates the other countries. Lots of consequences here. Maybe other countries will attack the fae in earnest to get their hands on the stones? Talk about a mess. But it would be funny if the Shaftlands, having sacrificed ships and manpower basically to fuck mages over, find themselves significantly weakened in this new magic-safe(r) world. Whoops! Eat shit!
Another key question I imagine some people might have is: does Rollo love Malleus? I think he does, in a way. But it's warped. Not only does he know he has the upper hand (as in, Malleus loves Rollo more than Rollo loves Malleus), but it's not like Rollo got to choose Malleus over everyone else--he has no other options. He's definitely attracted to him, of course. I just think that there's no starting from 0 with Rollo, he will always remember how their relationship started and how Malleus treated him. His love for Malleus is possessive and at least partially born out of survival. When that threat fades in his memory, he'll chill out some. But he'll never forget.
Will Malleus and Rollo have kids? Maybe. I think Rollo would be into the idea after a few years since it would give him another purpose in life (not to mention it would mean claiming Malleus even further). But I also think that Rollo would have to accept being a concubine. A concubine who's also a vassal...
What if Malleus has to take a fae wife? Rollo would manipulate Malleus as hard as he possibly can, ensuring that he spends little time with her. Maybe to the point that he has 0 legitimate children and instead has a handful with Rollo. I do like the idea of things getting extra fucked up because of the introduction of a wife, but it also makes me sad, so. Whoever this lady is, she doesn't deserve the horrible schemes Rollo would cook up. Best case scenario, Malleus tells her something like, "Look, I'm in love with my human, so this marriage is purely for show/the alliance/whatever. Appear at official events with me, but otherwise we shouldn't spend much time together. We likely won't even consummate this marriage." Hopefully she's cool with that. We wouldn't want any competition between heirs, now, would we... And well, it would be a nice sort of vengeance for Rollo to 'taint' the royal bloodline forever.
The gargoyles become good friends with Malle, but Rollo won't let him hang around them more than he deems necessary. Rollo visits them maybe more often because he does the cleaning.
All in all, they basically make each other worse. Rollo isolates Malleus from others while Malleus is content to get the majority, if not all, of his emotional needs met by Rollo. Meaning the threat of him leaving/dying is huge and one Malleus won't be able to bear in the future. Rollo accomplishes none of his initial goals and lives a life that is, no matter what, ultimately up to the whims of Malleus and the other fae. The whole 'human expert' thing is a job Malleus made for him, more or less. And he'll never see Fleur City ever again. He has little to worry about regarding Malleus' affection... for now. Something, or someone, could happen at any time, so he'll have to be vigilant.
Not quite a bad end, not quite a good end. They'll stay together in a codependent relationship until one of them dies.
Some of you may be curious as to the other endings I tried out. Well, in one, I was going to have Rollo accept Trey's offer and stealthily head to the docks. I thought about having him turn back on his own or having Malleus confront him there. It felt... predictable? Played out, maybe? It just didn't work for me. Another version involved Rollo reading the letter with Malleus in the room, with him learning about the content and, of course, freaking out. I also wrote a thing where Rollo and Malleus ride a horse (Rollo at the reins, Malleus behind him) together, but I can't remember where that was supposed to go. A lot of unused chunks... I even wrote out a scene where Rollo actually was leading the diplomacy effort and talking with Trey and company in their little house tree, but it deviated a lot from mallerollo time and I went, "Would anyone want to read this...?" and scrapped it. Plus I don't think it makes a ton of sense for the fae to entrust that job to Rollo so quickly.
Maybe some of those failed endings sound more appealing than what I went with, but they simply weren't working out. When I've written something and I keep avoiding continuing it, like I'll reread it and go "ugh" and do something else, that's how I know it isn't going to happen. Procrastination's normal, but I should want to continue a particular scene and it shouldn't be like pulling teeth. And if I do force myself to write something I'm not into, it'll be of lesser quality. Basically.... if I'm not having fun writing it, no one will have any reading it.
If anyone has any questions about the story or anything really, I'd be happy to answer. I know the pacing of the last few chapters was a bit speedy... so I wouldn't be surprised if there were aspects that people found confusing.
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A Sweet Bribe
Here's a (Only a little late this time XD) birthday gift for @ariesshower824
A quick note that this takes place in the DemonHunter!AU
A Sweet Bribe
Host had a complicated relationship with his birthday. The complication was caused by parents using that day as an excuse to see if his skills have improved and how. They turned a day of celebration into a day of overworking a child to the point of passing out and missing the rest of it. It was now a yearly reminder that he needed to be better, faster, stronger, and he wasn’t good enough. After losing his sight that feeling of resentment returned every time it was his birthday.
Everyone knew Host’s sensitivity to his birthday, but Dark was the only one who knew the story since his own past was similar, and he also struggled with his birthday. Most just assumed Host didn’t like knowing he was getting older, and it definitely added to it since his partner is an immortal Demon.
There was a silent rule to not verbally wish Host a happy birthday, but they could still give gifts to him. Host would never get angry or snap at anyone for wanting to give him something. He always politely smiled and thanked them, taking the gifts to his office and having them piled on the small table. The gifts would get a proper look at the next day when the sourness of his birthday was gone, and he could appreciate them more.
Even some of the Demons got him something. Anti had run into him on his own that morning and given him a cupcake, stating that he had made extras and heard Host had a sweet tooth. Host knew that was a lie and thanked Anti with a smile, and the cupcake was the only gift used the same day. Anti was right about Host having a sweet tooth, and he couldn’t resist.
“Host?” Night’s voice came from his office door. “May I steal some of your time?”
“You say that as if you wouldn’t do it regardless.” Host chuckled with a loving smile.
“What can I say? I enjoy being with you.” Night playfully hummed and went to the desk, seeing Host turn his head slightly at the sound of him placing something on the wooden surface.
“Do I even want to know what you’ve brought?” Host asked.
“I know you’ll like it. You do have a famous sweet tooth. I already saw Anti with his cupcake, but something tells me you can’t deny a slice of homemade cake.” Night had gone behind Host as he spoke, placing his hands on Host’s shoulders and gently massaging. He hated how he could feel knots already forming despite having just taken care of those the previous day. Host really did stress himself too much with worries for everyone. Night adored Host’s courage, passion, and willingness to do what it takes, but he wished his mate would take better care of himself.
“You made cake?” Host asked as he slowly melted into Night’s touch. For a being stronger than most of mankind combined, he sure knew how to work his hands in a firm yet delicate manner.
“I know I don’t bake often, but when I do, it will satisfy even the most sugar-addicted person.” Night teased with a kiss to the top of Host’s head.
“I’m not sugar-addicted.” Host protested.
“Sure you’re not, my dear owl.” Night smiled when he worked his hands a touch deeper against Host’s shoulders and watched as Host groaned with relief and leaned more against him. “Let’s call it early. It is a special day, after all.”
“It’s not special.” Host tried to tense up, but it was nearly impossible with Night’s hands on him.
“I know your birthday is hard for you, and I don’t blame your sourness toward it.” Night paused his massage when Host placed his hand on top of his.
“Dark told you?”
“He did after a lot of threats. Your past is safe with him. I just have plenty of extra cards to pull with him than the average Human or Demon.”
“Can we just treat today like any other?” Host asked with a sigh.
“I understand your desire to drop the birthday aspect of it.” Night gently squeezed Host’s shoulders before moving his hands and then going over to where the cake was, picking up the knife he had brought with it. “How about we change this day into an anniversary.”
“An anniversary? For what?” Host asked. Night softly chuckled as he cut into the cake and placed a slice onto one of the two plates.
“For the first time you tried my devil’s food cake.” Night grabbed the plate and a fork. He stood beside Host and leaned back against the desk.
“I don’t think your cake is going to be that good.” Host teased, tilting his head and opening his mouth after Night tapped his chin.
“Just you wait.” Night sang as he fed Host a bite.
“Holy shit.” Host blurted out as he chewed.
“I told you.” Night was beaming with pride as he loaded his fork with another bite.
“How did you do that?” Host asked. “That should not be so good.” He opened his mouth again at another chin tap and happily sighed at eating more of the cake.
“Looks like I found your weakness.” Night chuckled. “Could I use this as a bribe to get you to head home? Get you to sit by the fire and read a book? Enjoy some peace?”
“I think you could.” Host opened his mouth once more and Night was more than willing to continue feeding Host the cake until the slice was finished.
“I think that’ll last you until we get home.” Night sat the empty plate down and leaned over, kissing Host and then chuckling when he could taste the chocolate on his lips. “And I thought your kisses were sweet before.”
“That one was bad, even for you.” Host softly laughed.
“I could be so much worse.”
“I’ll hold you to it when we get home.”
“Yes, sir.” Night kissed Host’s cheek, a light purr in his throat as Host turned his head into another kiss.
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Ice Dance Choreographic Elements Ranked, because you all wanted to know
Basically, in ice dance, there are certain required elements like twizzles, step sequences, and lifts. There are also seven types of “choreographic elements” of which each team can do three of their choice, and I have opinions about which ones they choose
7. Choreographic Assisted Jumps: 2/10 nothingburger
Often a “blink-and-you’ll miss it” affair- just three very short lifts (they’re not even jumps lmao). Some are are super creative and cool (see: Chock and Bates folding human origami). Others are not (see: basically everyone else). Kind of a throwaway element for most, like that one class everyone takes because it’s an easy A
6. Character Choreographic Step Sequence or whatever order those words go in: 4/10 can be fun but also really awkward
Sometimes fun because teams can do basically whatever dance moves they want. Sadly, often what they want is a whole lot of nothing while making dramatic faces at the judges (Turkkila and Versluis have the best character step I’ve seen by far this season with that clock arm move they do while leaning on each other, they understood the assignment) And teams usually make a really awkward stop right by the boards because it has to clearly go across short ways, and it just never flows very nicely with the rest of the program, it’s just kind of a weird time even when otherwise done really well. Gilles and Poirier made it flow pretty nicely tho, good job!
5. Choreographic Twizzling Movement: 5/10 uncommon
Probably the least commonly done because twizzles are hard and teams don’t want to risk messing up, and they don’t really lend themselves well to expressive choreography. Also there are a whole bunch of specific requirements compared to the other choreographic elements. The novelty factor makes them cool to see whenever they do pop up
4. Choreographic Hydroblade: 6/10 new- small sample size
Brand new this season, so I’ve only gotten to see a few. Likely to rise in my rating as I see more. Gilles and Poirier have set the standard
3. Choreographic Slide Move: 8/10 awesome! unless they go for the technicality
So fun to see figure skaters slide on knees and arms and thighs and what have you without the fall deduction they would usually get for doing such things. Sometimes they decide to be lame about it and the “slide” aspect is just a hand down on the ice while otherwise just doing a skating move, but there have been so many cool slide moves ever since it became a thing. They’ll do it as a partial lift, or slide spinning on their knees in hold and then separate while still spinning like Guignard and Fabbri a couple seasons ago, all kinds of fun options, I love love love the one Hawayek and Baker did with her on one knee and him stretching out on the ice with his hand supporting him on her boot
2. Choreographic Lift: 9/10 if it ain’t broke…
The choreographic lift is just an extra lift in the program with fewer rules than the mandatory dance lifts. Just as long as it’s between 3 and 10 seconds long and somebody’s being lifted, they can basically do whatever they want, and the possibilities are endless. A lot of the time, it’s like “whoa they did NOT have to go that hard on an element worth 1.10 base value points” Sometimes they go a little too hard and it’s just kind of over complicated and weird looking, but creativity nonetheless. My favorite at the moment is Lajoie and Lagha where it’s basically a stationary lift and it looks like she’s flying right above the ice with him holding her by one arm and one leg
1. Choreographic Spin Move: 10/10 the best don’t @ me
I’ve never been disappointed by a choreographic spin move. They are just so fun, every single one of them. My favorite by far is the type like Chock and Bates last season where he was standing and holding her by the hand while she was in a near split on the ice, and all the similar ones. Spin moves that seem a lot like a dance spin except somebody’s on two feet are less common and therefore a novelty. Virtue and Moir did that cool fan kick and then spun in a dance hold. So much fun to be had, especially at those Olympics where the spin move was mandatory and we got to see so many creative things. Oh oh! and the one Lim and Quan did last season where he spun her around and dipped her while she was in arabesque, that was so neat! Oh and Lauriault and le Gac where she’s somehow laying on his boot? See??? So many good ones, I keep thinking of more
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fun facts about my sidestep bc i could ramble about her for hours. Feel free to share about your sidestep too!!!
Name: Brin
Villain Name: Retribution
Ethnicity: Korean
Gender: Woman
Appearance:
Short, straight black hair with bangs that ends above her eyes but it's a little longer on the back. Pale skin. She has an androgynous, tired, expressionless look to her most of the time. Around 5'5.
Her villain suit is all black with reflective armor and helmet. She has a simple sense of style - she doesn’t like to be super extravagant, even when she’s playing the villain. She likes to keep things simple and mysterious.
Her civilian style is more on the grunge side - oversized leather jackets (she specifically uses the same one over and over even though it has many rips that she–unsuccessfully–sewed closed), straight leg/baggy pants, tight-fitting turtleneck tops, boots, dark colors, leather gloves, etc. If she's feeling extra fancy, she likes to dress in a long sleeve maxi dress, long boots and heels, and those lace/velvet long gloves.
Personality:
She’s very calculated, cautious, and meticulous. Easily fixated/Perfectionist. She’s become very apathetic in retribution. She plans and plans and plans till she has her actions memorized to the last detail. In her hero sidestep days, she kept to herself (only opening up to Ortega) because she felt rejected by everyone else, especially Chen. She very much dislikes Chen, and very much uses him as an anger punching bag. Her relationship with him is complicated–although she resents him, she craves his validation. If she can convince Chen she's valuable and 'human', then maybe she really does belong? (Her logic is a little bit messed up here).
Very much in love with Ortega. She likes when he takes control and takes care of her, even though she can be a little mean sometimes. She's still quiet and reserved, but even though she doesn't want to admit it, she loves physical touch from him (holding hands, cuddling, combing fingers through each other's hair, kissing, etc) -- this is her main way of communicating with him when she doesn't want to say things out loud/admit anything.
She also likes Herlad very much ... buuuut it's a bit complicated. Herald reminds her of Ortega because of the care Herlad has for Brin. There is no history or unnecessary baggage. No traumatic memories or resentment. It makes her feel like a high schooler in love - all the giddy feelings and butterflies. She also likes the control/influence she has over him. Ortega is hard to lie to, but Herlad is too trusting for his own good. She's the dominant one in the relationship (so very different from her relationship with Ortega).
She dislikes Lady Argent and low-key wants to get rid of her. She views her as a thorn in her side. Brin does not care about their rivalry and just wants to defeat her already. Since she's very cautious and careful, she hates that Argent can be unpredictable.
She’s a killer, but only when it makes the most “logical sense”. If someone she doesn’t know gets in the way, even civilians, she prioritizes her plans over their life (ex. during her fight with blaze she didn’t want to ruin her suit bc it would jeopardize her plans, so the logical step would be to just move out of the way and let the civilian die). She’s very apathetic to this, but she doesn’t seek to kill more than “necessary”. She also feels justified because they would never save her (or so she thinks), so why should she save them?
Her fighting style is like her personality. Calculated. Straight to the point. She doesn’t like to have much banter, only when she personally knows the target. So when she’s fighting someone ‘irrelevant’ she does not hesitate, wants to get the job done quick, no showy-ness or big performance. She’s also not above being a little sneaky/trick her opponent. She doesn’t believe in the “fair fight” BS (cough cough lady Argent). Who cares about honor or reputation if you’re a villain anyway?
Rarely drinks. Likes to keep her mind on guard and aware at all times. She does smoke though.
I imagine her voice to be like Jasmin Rodgers & aesthetic / overall vibe to be like bôa (linked above).
Snippets from my pinterest folder for my sidestep^
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For the salty ask list: 25 and 10 regarding MDZS
Aw thank you for playing the game with me ^^
10 - Most disliked arc and why?
I'm going to anger my beta-reader Nasha...but I really disliked the Yi city arc, for several reasons (mostly stupid ones one stupid and one more legitimate than the other) The more legitimate one...It felt ouf of the story, like different from the rest (which makes sense since it's a story that MTXT wrote in high school and decided to implement last minute), I didn't like that there was no-prexistence for XY, XXC and SZC before. I did like WWX being a teacher in this and it was fun but that's it. I didn't even really vibe with the romantic couple of the arc (sorry XXC/SZC and XY U-U) I do like XY and A-Qing a lot (and Ouyang Zizhen whom shined in this arc) but huh that's it. It doesn't help that it's a moment of the story I was struggling with the power system and didn't understand much of how WW could do this and that (it was the beginning, so I waited for an explanation that never came, used to the way western books do, which is on me).
The stupid reason is that someone put the kids in danger and nailed dead cats for that. Which automatically make them the ultimate villain for me. You kill cat you're irredeemable in my book *runs away*
25 - How would you end MDZS? Would you change the ending ?
Ah, hard question. I really loved MTXT, I wouldn't change much from it? But at the same time I would changes some things.
Maybe make the theme a little more clearer because obviously some readers didn't get it, but there's always people not reading it like the author intend to. You can't fight that. So yeah...
My author side adores the parallel between LXC and JGY and their parents (the same way LWJ and WWX mirror it) adore the first sentence being "Wei Wuxian is dead hurray!!" and you spend the whole book learning that actually, not hurray at all...And the last line "JGY is dead, hurray!!" (when really not hurray). I think though this would have needed to be more highlighted, by giving more time / more development in the extra. With the cultivation world being in trouble because now they have lost their best administrator, and they have NHS who is not a good plotter or a good administrator either and destroyed everything in his revenge path. I would have more Wangxian getting a bit held responsible for some things because I'm sorry they are not acting to righteous by hiding the truth from LXC and going in their honeymoon phase and abandoning everything else. I do love seeing them happy, and I adored the incense burner extra but huh I feel they replaced important story bit we would have needed xD I would have also loved to see the Lan sect and the Nie sect getting a bit exposed for their hypocrisy (especially the Nie sect and they almost demonic cultivation saber)
But on the other hand I also hate the way MDZS ended with that loop. (I know I'm human, I'm complicated TT) I wanted JGY to get away and survive, because I'm tired of the "commoner who rose to the top and ended up being "corrupted" (aka playing their rules) being punished and proving the point of elite that letting them (commoners) in is actually worse than letting the system as it is" I really really hate that. I would rather have him flee and prosper in another place.
OR BETTER, my ideal ending is JGY ascending. like I said on twitter and then Shiome did an awesome fix-it au art like a week later (satiating my urge to write the au) - linking MDZS and TGCF together by having JGY ascend as a god, paving that once again you don't have to be perfect to be a god (im sorry if you hadn't read tgif, know that every gods in there is guilty of something). I would have loved that type of ending because we avoid the trope and JGY ends up being a bit right and doing the middle finger to everyone (look at Shiome's perfect art!!). and make the overall theme even clearer aka, the problem is the society. think that'd be my ultimate perfect ending for MDZS U-U° (and I could write an happy ending for xiyao, since Wangxian got their, they are fine they don't need extra help).
I'm going to be a little weird again, but as much as I love JC, I would to change anything to his story. Not even Chengxian reconciliation. I do love to reconcile them in my fics, but I do like that in the book they just...Are cordial to each other and not angry anymore but not friend/back to what they used to be. I just find it more realistic. People who's been following me for a long time know I'm picky with redemption arc and forgiveness. Not all characters needs to be forgiven/to forgive, I like diversity and some not forgiving. (I like some never forgetting, forgiving, and live their life without being portrayed as resentful) which I feel is a bit the case for JC. (as much as JC can be at least).
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You mentioned AUs in your pinned post, do you have any you like to introduce us to? I personally love to see them
OK TIME TO RESPOND TO THIS!
I have multiple AUs! I’ll just go over two out of the main three I have. They might sound a bit complicated, though!
WARNING… there is quite a bit of text. And images. Be prepared.
1: “HAPPY ENDING” AU
Basically my main AU is pretty simple compared to others! It’s one of those “what if ___ happened differently?” types. So Olivia, instead of wishing for all origami folded by Olly to be undone, wishes for everyone to go back to living happily! I’m not sure how much sense such a wish makes in the way I wrote it, but essentially, it brings back MOST of the casualties that happened during the canon game. (Exceptions are mostly just the Bob-ombs like Bobby, because I had this whole thing where Bobby’s happier having served his purpose in life getting to save his new friends, and bringing him back to life would ruin the impact of his sacrifice, + he can see his old best friend in whatever the true afterlife is like in the PMTOK universe.)
Olly comes back, the LoS come back, and the Origami Castle is reverted into Peach’s Castle, so Peach can live normally and so can the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom. Confusion on Olly’s part ensues, as he definitely remembers dying and thinks he’s in the afterlife at first, but eventually he adjusts to his surroundings. Skipping ahead, the Origami Craftsman, having already realized how unfitting his role as the origami siblings’ father figure is due to the fear that came from having his own creation nearly destroy the world, plus his own fixation towards origami getting in the way of him being able to take care of anyone, decides he needs to let the siblings go and have a better guide and role model in their lives. This winds up being Mario and Peach! Basically, Olivia’s already bonded to Mario the most of anyone after all their journey together, and Olly needs to have an eye kept on him to make sure he really won’t try anything dangerous again. Peach, being a princess and therefore royalty, also winds up being a great role model for the two siblings— Olivia especially grows attached to Peach, the two both being princesses, and Olivia always wanting to have “lady friends” (she’s very fond of women/girls. Whether that’s just admiring their beauty, charm, or something more!).
Olly takes a long time to get adjusted, especially when he realizes he’s going to have to work alongside Toads, and a lot of them. He’s mostly told to follow in the footsteps of Mario to become a hero rather than a cruel king, but he has a very hard time adjusting because he still holds some contempt towards the plumber. Nonetheless, though, Olly still admires the ability and strength of Mario, and still sees him as a strong, beautiful man.
Ah. It’s worth it to mention I portray Olly as someone who really focuses on beauty, but in kind of a screwed up way, like “You’re so beautiful, I want to keep you as a decoration I can look at when I please”. He admires Mario’s looks, but only because he finds his colors striking and “crisp”, as he once said in canon (not to mention he thinks of Mario as a strong man he’d need in his army in the Japanese version’s prologue).
But anyway, I digress. This stuff is essentially just a build up to having more character interactions that are closer to canon but not following the exact story of it. Olivia and Olly get their own rooms in Peach’s Castle, where they live their and through Olivia’s encouragement and even scolding of bad behaviors, Olly is able to improve himself and live normally, finally achieving true happiness and peace in life, something he never once was able to experience in the canon story.
2: HUMANIZED AU
This is a semi-standard human AU, except with extra lore and several exceptions for who’s a human here.
To sum up the latter, Olivia, Olly, and the LoS are now human, while all other NPCs such as Bobby, the Toads, Shy Guys, and Bowser, stay the same. This is a little stupid, but all characters, despite not looking like paper at all, are still paper and can be cut up. This is because I don’t want to actually severely change the canon story here, so I want to keep real gore to the minimum while still allowing for the body horror in the original game. It’s… basically something that only works if you imagine it on a flat screen.
Anyway, here, special magic within the Fold of Life can result in the creation of human forms of the folded origami. The origami paper originally used is then transformed into a pendant— this pendant being a Magic Circle.
…okay I’m not going to lie writing EVERYTHING for this specific AU is a BIIIITCH so I’m just going to post really old screenshots here instead teehee
..OKAY. SORRY.
Anyway yeah, some information is absolutely going to be a bit outdated on those screenshots, but like I said, Olly and Olivia’s souls are in their pendants. In the old art I put here, I compare the whole soul thing to Steven Universe, but another good comparison would be to Madoka Magica!! (Both series hold special places in my heart even after all this time… so I guess I must’ve taken inspiration.)
Anything they transform into, will be origami. They can still transform into the Vellumentals and they will look exactly like canon.
ANYWAY. I’ll get more into this AU in some other post, probably, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! I’d be more than happy to clear anything up, although I’m not perfect and these AUs are all super self indulgent rather than anything professional, so I may answer SOME things with “yeaaaah I didn’t really think this through”. LMAO
That’s it though! Thank you for reading!!!
#pmtok#paper mario the origami king#pmtok au#paper mario#king olly#thank you for the ask!#my other main AU is the one i made with jaded_is_jade on twt because of a joke#i’d LOVE to get into that one too but it’s the most embarrassing of them all#it’s also super complicated sometimes because our ‘canon’ for it is all over the place#we retcon stuff 24/7 /hj
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Like father, like son
I was gonna post this on AO3 but it’s kind of been down for the past… what fourteen hours now? Yeah, so here, have some shitty first person angst I wrote while having a breakdown last night :)
Characters: PGR commandant OC and his guardian, Nikola.
Qiu thinks about his complicated relationship with the man that raised him
I hate him.
I hate him so much.
Nikola.
He took me in. He raised me. He’s powerful, he had connections, he had money. I was never left wondering when my next meal would be, if I could get into a good school or if I would wake up tomorrow. Nikola had everything.
But I don’t think he ever had a heart.
I’ve seen the way the president looks at him. Like estranged friends, he’s a little scared of him. Hassen is brave, but even Nikola’s gaze makes him falter. It does the same to me, except far worse.
It’s hard to believe he was ever human.
That heartless thing had a heart once. He smiled once upon a dream and dared to think of something other than the good of humanity.
Nikola has everything and nothing at all. Because he sacrificed everything for humanity. I see it in his eyes, he’s done, wasted, there is nothing left for him. His youth was given to the preservation of humanity, and even in his older years he still works tirelessly for a day when humanity can exist on Earth again. He has even given up his own humanity for this hope.
And he has given up me and my brother as well.
It wasn’t a question if me and Ash would end up in the army in some way shape or form. The question was did we want it?
The answer is no, of course.
I still don’t know what I would have rather done with my life. I’m twenty two now, and I still don’t know. The decisions were made before I could even think about them. My tuition was already paid for, my spot was guaranteed. The expectations were set, and all eyes were on me.
And I crumbled under the pressure.
I can’t blame Nikola, he had siblings too, all he knew was competition. That was all I knew as well. I was pitted against Ash, my own brother. I hid in their shadow while they burned in the light and crumbled under our teacher’s expectations.
A part of me wonders though, if Nikola loved Ash. Because of their father or because he was their godfather, maybe both. I wonder if I was just an extra load, a little more trouble, another thing to waste resources on.
I know he’d never love me. Because I’m lousy and barely graduated Faust. And I went back to the shadows of Kurono Nikola fought so hard to escape from. Ash meanwhile, they had the glory. They had the praise and the love, and I was happy for them. They were in charge of an elite and efficient squad, and they were the president’s favourite no doubt.
I wished I had that.
I wished that I had more than blood and lost limbs. I wished I never had to take orders from that bastard Collins. I wished I never had to kill constructs. I wished Nikola never looked at me like that. With scorn and resentment.
I wished I was Ash, I wished I was the Gray Raven commandant with a team that loved me. With friends and admirers.
And the worst part is, it came true.
Suddenly, I was the Gray Raven’s commandant. Suddenly, everyone expected me to be a living legend. I am not like my brother. I was not the valedictorian of Faust, and people knew. I was an imposter aboard Babylonia.
I faltered and got so much worse after becoming a commandant. At least Ash made it look graceful. It was a constant battle for me. Never ending reports, never ending missions. The president’s favourite squad in such a miserable state with a sorry excuse for a commandant leading it. I know that’s what all of Babylonia must have thought.
I’d forgive Nikola if I could. I wish I could understand people, I wish I could just let go. But unfortunately, I am just like him and he knows it too. And he hates it.
He’d think ‘How could I fail this badly? Now, there’s another me in this world who will do nothing but hurt himself?’
I know because I see it in him. I know it in the way Hassen looks at him. He is the one who tears his own life apart by the seams.
I know because I do it too.
I’ll sabotage every relationship myself, I’ll push burdens upon myself no one could ever want to bear. I’m well aware I’m a terrible person, I’m equally aware that I am nothing special. Just a scared little boy masquerading as a commanding officer.
Who is Qiu Jia? What is his real name? Did his parents love him? Who is he but command’s puppet? I don’t know. I am forever command’s war dog, trapped under the gaze of the man who raised me but I will never call him father.
Yet he made me. He made Qiu Jia, he made the commandant. He made command’s little war dog, he made the coward and the outcast. Could I call him father? As I am so much like him, surely I am his son?
I don’t know.
I just hate him.
But, I still want him to love me.
Deep down, it is still my first night on Babylonia, and all I want is for Nikola to be proud.
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Happy STS, Moshke!
It's always character playlist that— which lyrics best describe your oc this— What I want to know is which one of your ocs is most likely to randomly burst out into song for no reason? Can they actually sing or are they happily shouting off key? What song would they be singing during such a show tunes moment? How would the rest of the ocs react?
Also this is for TDATS, what do you do/how do you get into different character's perspectives?
-HD
Thanks, HD, I love both of these questions so much!!
For the first one, I feel like there are Levels. In Cold Iron (since the second question will be TDATS), Shaka sing-narrates under their breath as they do stuff but would rather get stabbed (again) than sing aloud. Kris and Harry both burst into song randomly just because they can. Kris can actually sing and has a rich velvety voice; Harry very much cannot and no one is sure if he doesn't know this or doesn't care. Anyway, Kris never sings in the shower for fear of embarrassment if someone is listening (despite openly singing various older radio tunes at other inopportune times). Harry definitely sings in the shower, and he prefers musical soundtracks. Everyone else mostly giggles and vows never to tell him just how bad he is at it.
The perspectives thing for more than one character within a narrative has actually always been hard for me. In TDATS specifically, I cheated a little by making two of them distinctive in ways that are unavoidable--Pixel focuses a lot on their sensory world and misses a lot of the verbal and interpersonal moments that most characters would describe, and Ri is very much in his head, counting things, focusing on the static or lack thereof, slipping away from the solid reality around him and thus forgetting words and events. That sounds complicated but it actually made my job easier, because then I could just look at the story from Zippy's POV as in a regular limited narrator voice. Maybe that's why I have so much trouble with peppermint; they're the extra, who has had weird experiences but should narrate in a fairly standard voice and I wasn't sure where else to go with it. The main narrative difference between Peppermint and Zippy is that Zippy is focused on people, relationships, and emotions, and Peppermint has been taught those don't matter so they focus on knowledge and observation.
Short examples of each voice beneath the cut
Pixel:
Hot and bright and BIG. Pixel hopped out of the train and squinted. Their skin felt too big in the heat. Through the shimmering heat and glaring sun, they could just make out endless dusty land. Trees and bushes dotted the desert and the tracks cut through it, but otherwise the world was empty. Pixel’s hands twisted in their new green tunic. Their bare toes wiggled down into the hot sand. This was wrong, not how the world was. Like a planet up in space.
Pixel squinted up. The greenish sky was less hazy than at home.
Ri:
In the back of his mind, Ri never stopped calculating through the static. He knew the wind speed from the way the “tree” (really it was an antenna) waved out the window. He counted how many puzzle pieces they had. He counted the ceiling tiles and calculated the area of the room. When he ran out of things he could see, he ran random calculations to see how long complicated square roots and six-step problems would take him.
Maybe later, after the puzzles, he would try reading again. The Center wanted to better people, to heal them, and there were always screens available. Every now and then he would try reading and rediscover how uninteresting stories of human lives were without strings of data to keep him focused.
Zippy:
Zippy liked going out. She really did. The air was better downtown where the cafés were. Sira had always had a way of making the worst parts of life seem like silly inconveniences. It was nice just to be somewhere that wasn’t her pod. It was the getting there and back parts that she didn’t like. She wasn’t hurting too much today, but her progress was always slow. It didn’t matter how cool she thought her cane was with its elaborate drawings and other decorations, it didn’t make the stares she got any more comfortable. Her entire body felt tense, waiting for the punch of “But she’s so young.”
Peppermint:
Peppermint could feel their fur bristling as they sat on the concrete hanger floor later that day, the group squeezed between rows of identical ships. Void would listen. Void had always listened, could not really do anything else, so Peppermint never really had to. They let the cadence wash over them—they finally had a different presenter, one who was more melodic than monotone—and looked around the hanger, more carefully than they’d been able to last time.
Rows of identical ships. Yes, they all looked exactly the same. Peppermint wasn’t an expert in ships, or technology of any kind, but they were very good at observation. There wasn’t a single noticeable difference between them. Something tickled the back of their brain.
#thanks for the question! I enjoyed thinking about this#moshke writes#writeblr#storyteller saturday#to die among the stars#cold iron
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hi happy sundayteller stories mess fuckup day :D
how do magic systems work in ur worlds? are there hard rules for them? crimes?
hello happy sundayteller storyday
hmmm magic! i will go with GFS (and by extension, Secret Wip) magic because. i want to. and this post would get toooooo long otherwise
so how magic works in GFS is basically that there are four things it can do. it can create, destroy, change, and manipulate. there is also timefuckery which doesn't quite fit into all of them but used to fit into change + manipulate so it counts there.
now, in GFS, the universe is a bunch of realms stacked on top of each other like pancakes. there's the ungodly realm, where demons, monsters, evil fae, vengeful spirits, and such reign free. there's the death realm, which is where everyone who dies ends up. you have the mortal realm, where humans live. there's the in-between realm, which is a strange, alice-in-wonderland-like place humans can go to but may die in very easily. there's the godly realm, where gods live and humans die within a day in. and then, finally, coursing through it all like interdimensional syrup, you have:
THE SOUMP
the Soump (not actual name, i will name it eventually) is where everything comes from and everything will return to. it is made of the essences of life, death, and time, and it is where magic comes from. it's most concentrated in the godly and ungodly realms, then the inbetween and death realms, then least concentrated in the mortal realm. (this directly correlates to how much magic there is in each realm at any given time.) & when you do magic, you are pulling from the soup in your realm (or, when it comes to destruction magic, putting stuff back). anyone can do it, but pulling from the soump is a taxing process, so often, not only will you do the thing you want to do (e.g. turn invisible by manipulating light and shadows), you will also maybe do something you don't want to do (vomit, disintegrate a bone, whatever). the more magic you use at one time, the worse the side effect.
when you pull from the soump, you often keep a lot of the magic in your blood for later. over time, it sinks into your bones, which is why the bones of powerful magic users and wizards are often very sought after whenever they die. (also difference between magic user and wizard: magic user is an everyday person who uses magic, a wizard is a magic user who yelled at the gods until they got special extra ability to withstand the Soump's side effects).
to actually define the types of magic more clearly: change magic makes something do/be something else it never would've become on its own, like turning paper to gold. manipulation magic makes something do/be something it could have done, but maybe not as fast or well, like making a tree grow five ft in five minutes. creation magic pulls from the soump to make something (turns magic into a thing) such as fire, and destruction magic rids it from the world and shoves it back into the soump (turns a thing into magic) such as destroying light (""making"" a shadow).
the more complicated of a thing you're doing, the worse the side effects can be. it can range from a mild headache to a violent death, with a lot of weird things (horns, wings, becoming transparent, puking fire, whatever) in between. it also depends on whether you have a good magic-harnessing device or not; e.g. a cheap magic pen you use to write spells (what angel has) is a lot worse than having a magic staff, but better than just using your own two hands or voice.
now to answer the question: are there magic crimes? yes <3
killing people, injuring people, magically creating money, attempting to time-travel (the gods closed this off after Secret Wip happened and you'll just kill a bunch of people accidentally when you try), lying about having prophetic magic (the only timefuckery that still exists), teaching children/teens magic without proper safety measures, usng magic for identity theft purposes, and just generally using magic to help aid in a crime is Bad. you will be arrested. there's a lot of things in place to make sure people don't do this, but ofc it happens sometimes.
i dont rlly know how to end this but its getting long so. yeah <3 magic <3
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WELCOME TO HEXMORE, SOPH (32/GMT). HEXMORE WAS FOUNDED BY WITCHES, BUT IS NOW HOME TO, TAMMI BELMOND (HALSTON SAGE). SHE/HER IS a 30 YEAR OLD WEREWOLF. BORN IN HEXMORE, ILLINOIS. THEY HAVE RESIDED IN HEXMORE FOR ALL THEIR LIFE, WHERE THEY WORK AS A PERSONAL TRAINER AND GYMNASTICS TEACHER AT THE LOCAL GYM. THEY CONSIDER THEMSELVES TO BE AFFILIATED WITH THE MACHLACHLAN PACK AND THE DISAPPEARANCE OF HAZEL MORA HAS LEFT THEM WORRIED FOR THE SAFETY OF HER OWN FAMILY.
Name:��Thomasin ‘Tammi’ Belmond
Age: 30
Gender: Cis woman
Pronouns: she/her
Species: Werewolf
Face claim: Halston Sage
Character Occupation: Personal trainer / gymnastics teacher
Affiliation: Machlachlan Pack
Length of stay in Hexmore: All her life
Thomasin affectionately known as Tammi, grew up in Hexmore and it’s the only life she’s known. Her family has resided in the small town for centuries and are longstanding members of the Machlachlan Pack. She is the youngest of three siblings and most of her childhood was spent with her older brother and sister. Though as she grew, so did her rebellion and she spent time in group house with other young wolves.
Growing up as a werewolf in Hexmore, life always made sense. Her parents worked hard and they were well respected in Hexmore and the pack. Tammi knew who she was, she knew that one day she’d be a strong wolf like her mother and father. When she was fifteen, she would often look after the other wolf children during a full moon. She was trained well and responsible, she knew everyone in the community she’d grown up in and she would always be asked to do things by older members of the pack.
In her later teens, she was tasked with keeping the younger wolves safe and secure on the full moon. Unfortunately… she did not leave enough time to tie herself up and she could feel herself starting to turn. Thankfully she managed to leave the house before she fully became her wolf form. The children were frightened, but unharmed. Tammi on the other hand did not make it to a secure place and was attacked by confused and frightened humans. She was scared, confused and backed into a corner… so her wolf lashed out. She killed three people that had been camping that night. Her family may have covered it up with their status in town but it’s something she can't let go of and something she carries with her every day.
Tammi really struggled with her guilt and pain more than she showed and she barely graduated from high school. She knew she wasn't going to go to college and she found herself a job at the local gym. She’s been there ever since. She’s an energetic and athletic person and she rather likes her job. She knows a lot of the guys from the pack and those that she doesn’t know, she makes quick friends with. It’s just a job. It pays the bills and Tammi isn’t looking for anything else. She has her family, her friends, she has her pack. She doesn’t need to over complicate her life.
Since she was a young child, Tammi competed in local gymnastic competitions. It helped with the extra energy she had as a wolf and she was a natural. Her parents always wanted their children to be more than just wolves, they encouraged them to have hobbies and interests outside the pack. Though she couldn’t exactly admit to the judges the advantages she had from being a werewolf. She loved the attention she got from competing, and even now, she loves the sparkling dresses and being prasied. She practises a lot in her spare time even if she is getting older now. She teaches a gymnastics class on a Saturday and a dream would be to make that a full time career. She’s just not sure how to get there.
Some might describe Tammi as a little audacious. She’s bold and she can be considered unpredictable, her past doesn't always help with her emotions. She has never fully let go of that guilt or forgiven herself. Although after what happened in her early teens, she has a need to be safe and secure. This is something she longs for in Hexmore and the disappearances aren't helping.
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Sleepy Hollow welcomes you, S! We hope you enjoy your stay in town as we work hard to rebuild the unity that was once lost! Please send in your account within 24 hours to secure Sofia Carson as your faceclaim!
IN CHARACTER
Name: Catalina Garcia
Faceclaim: Sofia Carson
gender & pronouns: cisgender woman, she/her
species: witch
age: 29
occupation: Lyndhurst Library owner
BIOGRAPHY (tw; pregnancy, car accident, pregnancy complications, death)
Everyone in Sleepy Hollow knew of the Garcia family. They were the library owners with the kind smile who always had an extra bed for anyone to sleep in. They cared for those in the town and wanted nothing more than to give everyone a piece of happiness, a place of healing if they needed it. It wasn’t that they were rich or powerful, it was their kindness that radiated out from the family that gave them their popularity. Claudia and Francisco Garcia had both grown up in town, fallen in love as high school sweethearts and stayed together through thick and thin. Both wanted children so terribly, and when they were finally granted their wish, Catalina Maria Garcia was born.
Her birth wasn’t without complications as she came early, her lungs weren’t fully developed. After six weeks in the NICU, she was finally able to go home. With the issues she faced, Catalina was treated as if she could break at any moment. If spoiled had a picture in the dictionary, it would have been a picture of her face. She was a miracle, and no matter how much people tried to say she wasn’t, she would argue until she was blue in the face.
Five years later, Catalina’s mother became pregnant again, and this pregnancy was harder than the last. Claudia was put on bedrest in her second trimester and was diagnosed with preeclampsia. It was hard for such a young girl to watch, so whenever Claudia was taken to the hospital at 32 weeks, it no longer being safe to continue the pregnancy, she didn’t go with her parents. That was the last time she saw her mother. Claudia Garcia died in childbirth from complications due to eclampsia.
After another month, Catalina’s new baby sister was brought home. (Wanted Connection to come) Catalina resented her sister from a young age, but she tried not to show it. Francisco was already struggling enough to raise two daughters on his own. The income from the library wasn’t exactly great, but the Garcia family lived comfortably with the help of those around them. The daughters were as spoiled as they could be on the salary Francisco had, but it wasn’t what Catalina had been used to for the first five years of her life anymore.
The rest of Catalina’s childhood was as average as it could be. Her father remarried a nice woman. Her step-brother was nice enough, if not annoying as all hell. (Wanted Connection to come) She was a happy teenager who just happened to be a witch. Magic was as ingrained into their lives as anything else. Despite Francisco being a human, he still made sure his daughters were taught by the coven. Her step-mother and step-brother weren't witches, but sprites. They encouraged the Garcia women to learn magic, and due to Catalina’s… explosive nature, she chose to specialize in elemental magic. She prefers fire over everything else.
Catalina went to Irving University with a double major in Library Sciences and Business to take over the library one day. She had a few significant others in college, but no one particularly interested her for longer than a few months at a time, a trend that has stuck with her through her adult years.
Her adult life started out pretty unremarkable. She lived her life in the background. She worked at the library. She went to family gatherings. She dated on and off. She learned more magic. She officially joined the town’s coven.
Six months ago, Catalina’s father and step-mother were in a car accident on their way home. According to the paramedics, they were killed instantly. As the oldest of the children, Catalina was given the library and their home in the will. She has been struggling to keep herself above water, run the library, and keep up the appearance of the happy girl she once was.
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If you're accepting non-superhell prompts, I'd love to see a conversation between Nora and Emerald! I've been REALLY loving these microfics, I've subscribed to you on Ao3, I'll read whatever else you write
[Gahhh that’s so nice you’re so nice!! thanks for being patient on this one, finding my Nora took some doing]
It’s occurring to Emerald that she’s never had a close female friend before.
You say that like you’ve ever had any friends before, the voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Mercury needles her, but she brushes it aside. Like—okay, yeah, she’ll concede the point when it comes to Cinder. In hindsight, whatever they’d had going on between them may have been... super intense... but it probably had never been friendship, in the usual definition. But she and Mercury were friends, no matter what the judgy little shitstain version of him who lives in her head has to say about it. They’d always gotten along. Told each other stuff. It’s not like there’s more to it than that, right?
It had always been like that. Been—instinctive somehow, with guys. Before Cinder, on the street, it was always the men who’d been easiest to manipulate; who would empty their pockets for a smile and a sob story. And then she and Merc had been two sides of the same coin for so long, and then... well, Hazel’d liked her enough to die for her, apparently. (Which—that’s a door that she keeps closed, thanks. She shuts it firmly again, now.) Oscar seems fond of her, in a sweet, uncomplicated sort of way that she really doesn’t know what to do with, seeing as he shares headspace with like a trillion year old man and the idea that anything to do with that kid could be “uncomplicated” is batshit. Ren vouched for her once, and then again, and now he keeps doing it, like it’s habit, like she should just be used to the fact that people are going to have her back, to ask her if she’s eaten, to turn to her with a raised eyebrow in conversation like her opinion would be constructive.
Anyway.
Now that she’s noticed the pattern, it seems like the kind of thing she should probably… work on, or whatever. And Nora seems like an obvious place for Emerald to start. They’ve been thrown in together a lot, lately, Emerald and Oscar expected to fill in the gaps of what’s left of the old JNPR by default. Not that they’ve ever really had a conversation about it—Emerald can’t think of the last time Nora said two words to her that weren’t combat warnings like “more Grimm coming” or “on your left,” but. That’s probably just because things have been tense. She remembers Nora being friendly, on the whole of it. Off-puttingly friendly, even, back at Beacon.
How hard could it be?
The answer, it turns out, is absurdly hard. Nora’s barely ever in the temporary barracks they’re all living out of, instead always checking on the refugees, going on supply runs over esoteric requests, volunteering for extra patrols. Emerald used to find that kind of dogged do-goodery gag-inducing, but now that she’s been the helping hand herself a few times, she’s starting to see the appeal. The way people look at you when you’ve been of service, it’s—nice. Really nice. But Nora works utterly thankless jobs, the kind most people don’t even notice, let alone appreciate. And when they have their insufferably long leadership meetings and they’re talking about distribution of resources or whatever, Nora’s a fierce debater—jumping in to advocate for the people from Mantle sometimes even before May can. As far as Emerald can tell, she does this stuff just because... she believes in it. Because it’s the right thing to do, and someone has to.
She can’t imagine what it would feel like, to have the attention of someone like that turned on her. She’s craved it from the wrong people for so long, but now that she has her pick of options... she’s letting herself actually want the right kind, for once. She thinks.
Which is all to say that largely through no fault of her own, Emerald unexpectedly finds herself sitting with a profound, fervent desire for Nora Valkyrie to think she’s cool.
She hates that.
-
Fighting with Nora is easy.
(—er. Alongside. Fighting alongside Nora is easy. Emerald’s done fighting with these people. Very done.)
It’s weird, because Emerald’s finding working with a full team to be a real adjustment. When battles get big enough to merit it, she’s used to keeping to the sidelines to use her Semblance for nefarious purposes, or, in a jam, used to having Mercury’s six—literally, because all the forward momentum from his feet-first style always left his back wide open. Figuring out where to put herself so that Oscar can use her shoulder as a fulcrum as he dodges, or trying to aim for the Grimm Ren isn’t already shooting (ugh)—it’s taking work.
But somehow, it’s not work for Nora. Nora seems to anticipate with perfect ease how Emerald will move or what she’ll be doing; Nora bobs and weaves around their ragtag little band with her war hammer like it’s breathing.
It doesn’t bother Emerald until it does, and she means to bring it up casually but there’s never a good time. So it just… stews, and stews, until she can’t keep it bottled up anymore.
Which means that instead of the earnest question she intends it to be, it comes out like this:
“Okay, seriously? It’s creepy how you do that.”
It’s just the two of them, plus the handful of dweeby Atlesian tech-types they’re escorting back from their foray installing some fancy hydro-filtration modules on the outskirts of the camp. And it’s not like Emerald had felt outmatched by the half-dozen Ravagers that had decided they looked like lunch—she can shoot Ravagers in her sleep, at this point—but still. The way Nora had moved around her, it was like they’d been fighting side by side for years.
Nora just cocks her head to the side. “Do what?” she asks, like she hadn’t just basically read Emerald’s mind in front of the water nerds.
Emerald does a complicated gesture with her hands, wrist over wrist, and then flicking two fingers—trying to evoke the way Nora had flipped over Emerald’s back and then kicked off, just trusting Emerald would reel her back in with a chain in midair before a Grimm could fly away with her sorry ass. “That.”
“Oh!” Nora laughs and rubs at the back of her neck, looking sheepish. “It’s nothing. I guess it’s just not a big deal for me? Like—I was there when Ren built StormFlower. The cables are newish, but we practiced so much back in Atlas… I dunno. It’s just reflex, when your weapons are so similar. Fighting with you, it’s almost like fighting with him. I don’t even have to think about it.”
Nora swallows, then, and makes a face Emerald can’t interpret—disappointed, maybe, or ashamed. Which: good. She probably should be, taking things for granted like that.
“Well—just—” Emerald’s not even sure what she wants to say. Ask, next time? Don’t? “You shouldn’t make assumptions. I’m not your boyfriend, okay?”
The venom she puts behind the word is directed more at herself than Nora—frustrated, again, that she’s put herself in the position of wanting so desperately to be liked.
Pathetic.
Nora just nods, looking glum.
“Yeah,” she murmurs, cheeks pulling in a bitter smile. “You’d think I’d be able to keep that one straight, huh?”
She says it with such pointed irony that for a second Emerald wonders if she’d gotten it wrong somehow, but like—Nora and Ren are a thing, right? That’s—everyone knows that.
“Hey, what—?”
“Let’s just go,” Nora says, and Emerald automatically falls into line behind her.
They make the rest of the walk back in silence.
-
Sometimes at night, when she can’t sleep, Emerald likes to climb up to the roof of the barracks and look out over the refugee camp.
It’s—peaceful, is all. A good reminder of where she is; how far she’s come. The night sky in Vacuo has more stars than she’s ever seen, and being able to watch over all these people who have somehow become her responsibility… well.
A part of her will always be standing on the rooftop at Beacon, looking down on pure chaos as a queasy, frightened sensation twists in her gut and its noxious voice whispers you did this, you did this, you did this. What did you think was going to happen, you stupid little girl? You don’t get to feel sorry for it now.
But she does.
Weird how the only thing that’s helped is actually doing something about it.
She hears a scuffling noise over her shoulder, and she’s got Thief’s Respite drawn and ready before she can even really register what she’s heard. She relaxes when she sees it’s Nora at the other end of the barrels, unarmed and hands raised—a funny little smile on her face, like yeah, fair enough, I should have known better than to try and sneak up.
“Just me,” she says, unnecessarily.
Emerald holsters her guns. “Can I help you?” she asks, and—what is it about her voice, that makes sentences that would be nice if any other human said them come out straight-up hostile?
Nora shrugs, hands dropping to her sides. “I was hoping we could talk; I figured you’d come up here if I waited long enough.”
Well, see—what kind of lesson is she supposed to take from that? She’s been hoping for Nora to talk to her for weeks, and acting like a bitch is the thing that gets her what she wants? Good guys are supposed to know better.
And there’s the way she said it, too. Like everyone knows Emerald comes up here to brood; like it’s a big open secret. The knowledge sits uncomfortably in her stomach, makes her feel watched. Even now, even here, she can’t get a moment alone. Not really.
“What, so you’re spying on me now?”
Nora’s eyes narrow. “I have a pretty bad track record when it comes to losing people. Makes a girl want to put in a little hustle when it comes to keeping tabs on her friends.”
And Emerald would snark at that, or maybe apologize, or something, only—
Nora thinks they’re friends?
“Well, take a seat, I guess,” she mumbles, scooching to the side as though she needs to make room on the massive, empty roof.
Nora walks over and joins Emerald on the asphalt, letting her legs dangle over the edge. Seemingly unsure of where to start, she stares at her hands. Emerald stares too, but her eyes can’t help but wander—tracing the way scars, silvery in the moonlight, spiderweb up Nora’s bare wrists and forearms to fetter her shoulders, clavicle, neck. Like cracks in a pane of glass, right before it shatters.
(Only that’s not it at all, is it? It’s not a sign of weakness, but a warning of strength. I care this much, her scars announce to the word. You wanna try me?
Hazel’s arms always looked like that.)
Emerald doesn’t want to be the one to break the silence, sure that whatever she’d say would be incredibly stupid.
Luckily, Nora has no such qualms, and opens with: “I really admire you, you know?”
Emerald stares, jaw slack, certain she’s heard wrong. “I—what?” She’d say something defensive, like yeah right or you don’t have to make fun of me, only Nora’s eyes are so wide and so guileless they don’t leave any room for argument.
“I mean it,” Nora adds. “I know we don’t know all that much about each other, but… here’s what I do know: I can’t remember a time I saw you without Mercury right behind. Just like me’n Ren. And the way you fought for Cinder…” Nora smiles a sad, private little smile. “You don’t fight like that unless it’s personal; unless someone means something to you. Just like me’n Ren. And now you’re here. All on your own. And you didn’t have to be. That’s—don’t you think that’s crazy brave? I sure do.”
Of course she fucking doesn’t. Crazy brave would have been walking away the first, tenth, hundredth time she had a flash of panic about what she was doing. Or, better yet, doing something about it. Crazy brave is taking thirty thousand volts to get to your friends; it’s flooding your veins with pure crystalline power and saying Go, I’m doing what Gretchen would have done, it’s—
She closes that door.
“It’s not like I really had a choice,” she sighs, dodging the question.
“Oh, you know that’s not true,” Nora scoffs dismissively, tilting sideways to nudge Emerald with her shoulder.
And Emerald jolts, because—look, it’s not like no one touches her. They have to manhandle each other all the time in battle, and… and Oscar gives her high fives sometimes, which makes her embarrassingly pleased. But what Nora’s offering now, that kind of buddy-buddy casual contact…
… it’s been a while, is all.
“So, why did you want to talk to me?” Emerald asks, overwhelmed and suddenly desperate to find a way to get this conversation over with. She feels like she’s sprinted five miles; like she’s had the crap kicked out of her and she has to go somewhere to lick her wounds. Too much, too fast.
Nora laughs—a chuffing, cynical noise that doesn’t sound at all like her. “Looking for pointers? See, I’m trying this thing where I do things on my own, but I just—I suck at it. Like today; you saw. Even when I’m not with Ren, all I do is… is act exactly the same way I do when I’m with Ren. Like I literally don’t know how to exist without him, whether he’s actually there or not. And I know that’s not fair to anyone; I didn’t mean to treat you like—” She shakes her head, biting her lip. “You’re not just some stand-in. It’s not you at all. I’m just—broken, or something. One trick pony.”
“No, hey—”
“But you figured it out,” she barrels on, which is good, because Emerald doesn’t actually have a clue what she would have said there. “You don’t have anyone and somehow you’re just, like—good to go!” Nora says it cheerily, like it’s a compliment, but has the grace to balk a little when she hears how it sounds. “…sorry. That’s—sorry.”
Emerald shrugs, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin there. She feels like an idiot; building it up for weeks like spending time with Nora would solve all her problems when, surprise surprise, Nora’s just as fucked up as she is.
“Hate to disappoint you, but I don’t have any hot tips,” she mutters into the crooks of her elbows. “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. Like—you want to know the really sad part? I was just following your lead.”
“My…?” Nora can’t even finish repeating it, which: Emerald can’t blame her. It’s so dumb. “Huh?”
“Come on. You know.”
“I don’t,” Nora says, voice thick with exhaustion. Like she’s sick of herself. “Ask anyone—I’m not the brains of the operation.”
Hearing Nora talk about herself that way makes Emerald’s chest feel tight; like her ribs have locked in place so her lungs can’t expand. She doesn’t know how to explain it; not without sounding like a starry-eyed fangirl or a moron with a crush and that’s not what this—it’s only that—
She chooses to start a different way.
“You wanna know why I switched sides? Like, really why?”
Nora softens, and reaches out to touch the back of Emerald’s left hand, where it dangles over her knee. “Sure,” she says, but Emerald barely hears it; it’s taking all of her concentration not to clench her fist or pull away in response.
“I overheard Oscar—or, Ozpin, I guess, I don’t know—talking to Hazel about Salem, about her goals. And… listen. No one joins under Salem because they’re trying to kill the world, okay? I mean, no one but Tyrian, anyway. We were all just trying to… find ways to get by. And when Cinder found me, she—” Emerald swallows, hard. This cuts too deep, too close. It’s not something she can just say. “I wasn’t trying to be some big villain, or something. I was just—looking out for the people who were looking out for me. And why wouldn’t I? No one else ever seemed to think I was worth it.”
“Of course you are,” Nora cuts in, quiet but vehement. “Everyone is.”
“See, the worst part is that you mean that when you say it,” Emerald grumbles, scrubbing at her face until smears of color kaleidoscope behind her closed eyes. “I figured people like you didn’t exist, and then Cinder and Merc were glad to prove me right, and—I let them. You know? And maybe if I’d just held out a little longer…”
“You’re not the only one here who’s ashamed of her past. Harriet tried to blow up Mantle, like, a month ago.”
“That’s not—forget that. I’m talking about you. Nora.” It’s the first time she’s ever said her name like that—addressing her, in conversation. It feels… astonishingly intimate, for so small a thing. Emerald powers past it. “Every day, I see you do something ridiculous, like double back on a patrol because you forgot you promised some kid a candy bar, or something, and that—matters. To me. It’s so stupid, but it’s not, because… argh! I want—it’s—” She tries to get her mouth to form the words, that’s the kind of person I want to be, but they stop in her throat.
Still, Nora seems to get the message. Her eyes seem suspiciously shiny for a moment—but when she blinks, it’s gone. “I… thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” Emerald grumbles. Saying it like she means it: seriously. Don’t mention it.
“I understand what you mean, though. For years, the only person who looked out for me was Ren. And if he’d said…” Nora trails off, then, cocking her head to the side as she works through something. “Huh.”
“What?”
“Nothing, just. I remembered something. I was about to say that if Ren told me the only way for us to get by was a life of crime, or something, I would’ve taken his word for it, but—the opposite happened. We decided to enroll at Beacon. And that wasn’t his idea; it was mine. I always wanted to be a Huntress. To… to be the one strong enough to help people, instead of always needing the help. He wasn’t sure if we would make it, but I was. We were together, right? How could we lose?” She chuckles, a little, shaking her head at herself. “Get a load of that. He followed me.”
They smile at each other, then. Like they’ve figured out something profound. Maybe Nora has; Emerald hopes so.
“I’m glad you’re here, Emerald,” Nora says, and—there it is again. The frisson of electricity that comes with being referred to by name.
Of course, then Emerald ruins it by blurting out:
“Of course you are, all your other friends are dead.”
Which—“Fuck!” she sputters, because she didn’t mean to say that. What is wrong with her? “Sorry! Sorry.”
Nora only grins at her, feral and incisive. “Yeah, well. Yours are evil, so. Pick your poison. At least I’m proud of mine.”
Touché.
“Still glad I’m here?” Emerald jeers, because her first instinct is still to press on the bruise to see how much it hurts.
Nora laughs, and gets to her feet. “Believe it or not, yes. If putting your foot in your mouth was all it took to get booted from Hero Club, I’d have been kicked out a long time ago.” She reaches down to offer Emerald a hand; Emerald takes it, letting Nora pull her to standing. “Now go and get some rest, huh? None of us can ever sleep when you’re up here thinking so loud.”
“That an order?”
“Advice. Friends give it, from time to time.”
And—yeah. Maybe they do.
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