#how does it get better every time I watch it
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like she used to (IV)
alexia putellas x sister chapter I, II, III
sorry this took longer! have been very busy with work and uni for the past few days :)
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Aitana has been suspicious of something all week. I feel her eyes on me during training, when we're in the locker room, as she drives me home and as I walk up to my front door.
But she doesn't say anything and I am grateful. Because if she did say something, I don't think I would be able to answer without telling her every single thing on my mind.
Nobody wants that. Not me, not Aitana. Probably not Alexia either.
So instead, I sit in the midfielder's car quietly, only speaking when she prompts me to, although even that has slowed down over the past few days. She was confused the first time I told her I didn't want to stop for ice cream, and I was grateful that she didn't ask again.
"you're sure? You've never refused ice cream before, lena!"
All I could do was shake my head, keeping my eyes focused on the road ahead.
I get home and I go straight to my room which is easy enough, considering Mami comes home from work late. I am supposed to be going to school, but Aitana doesn't know that and Mami doesn't know any different. She thinks I am there, and as long as I pick up the phone to my personal tutor in the evening, the school won't bother contacting my mother.
I shouldn't be skipping school, but I can't face going there and being asked all those questions about how great it is to be training in the first team, to finally have broken through into a squad that I would hopefully play with for most of my career.
But it isn't great, not really. My life has become a game of hide and seek, escaping rooms that my sister enters, too afraid to even face her.
I am not scared of her, more of what she will say. I am barely coping as it is and anything she says will just make it worse. It is best to just leave her alone, keep my distance.
And I think she thinks the same. She said she was going to take a step back, after all.
Not that is has been any different from before she took that step back. Her back was already against the wall, on the other side of the room from me. Any further and she would leave my life completely which does not seem possible, considering we play for the same club.
But I wish she wasn't so far away, I wish that I could just reach out and grab her attention, for her to know that I needed help without even having to ask.
And it hurts me, more than I'd like to admit, that her friends know exactly how to make me feel better, to make me feel valued, worthy. But she is just there, like a fly on the wall, always watching but never doing anything.
Even the more clueless ones have started to realise that things are not perfect between me and Alexia. We are never in the same room together, I leave training with Aitana every day. It is obvious, we all know it.
So they don't push us together. They don't talk about Alexia to me and they don't ask why we don't drive home together, why she isn't the first person to give me a hug if I score in training.
They don't want me to be compared to her any more than I already have been.
Because on top of all the personal issues, there is a lot of pressure, being her sister.
'Will Elena Putellas follow in her sister's footsteps?'
'The younger Putellas - set to be better than Alexia Putellas, but still hasn't come off the Barcelona bench.'
I've seen the articles, of course I have. Nobody ever mentions it though, nobody mentions the pressure I am under, the pressure I feel to live up to the expectations.
Of course I will not score as many goals as her, of course I will not make a debut at the end of the match like a midfielder often does. It is a lot harder for a centre back to come on as a last minute sub. It is harder for a centre back to score so many goals.
There are feasible reasons why they are saying these things, but none of the news sites think to explore those reasons, exclusively focusing on the negatives.
I don't bring it up because I think that if I mention something even slightly about my emotions, every single thing I feel will all come rushing out, a tsunami wave that will destroy everything I have worked towards.
I have to be strong; I can't let a little bit of pressure overcome me. Alexia had pressure, and she was never swallowed by it.
Alexia was not weak. I can not be weak.
But it feels like the tide has been pulled back, brewing in the deep dark depths of the ocean, preparing to build and build and build until it all becomes too much, until it is here, a huge wave ready to swallow me. Too late to escape, too late to stop it.
But quelling the wave does not seem like something I can do.
The only thing I can do about it is play my piano.
It is thing I am most grateful for, my piano that brings me closer to my father, the one thing I have that nobody else does.
I may not have his memories, but I don't think any memories could match the connection I feel, just sitting on his stool, my fingers dancing on the keys that his hands once graced, the keys that we used to play together.
It was the one thing that we shared, just the two of us. Something that neither of my sisters or my Mami could understand. All they know is to leave me be when I am playing the piano. I don't want to be interrupted and they don't want to face the wrath of my anger if I am stopped before I am finished.
Because it is the only way I can express my emotions and the emotions do not stop coming until the song is finished, until there is a puddle of tears in my lap, fed by the streams that track down my cheeks.
So they leave me be. I want them to leave me with my emotions when I play the piano. But they also leave me with my emotions when I sit in the lounge room, staring at a blank tv screen, staring out the window at just about nothing in particular. I wish they would realise that I don't always want to be left with my emotions.
I wish they could notice that something may be wrong, something more than just the loss of my sister.
Because it feels like more than that. I have never felt so lost in my life.
There is just so much going through my mind at any one time and I can't let it out because once I start I will not be able to stop until my walls have burst and I am nothing but an empty shell of who I was before.
Everything I once was is gone.
Replaced by confusion, hurt, sadness.
And I don't know why, because Alexia isn't all of me, football isn't all of me.
I know it shouldn't be but it feels like it is and even though Alba is right there as well, and Mami and my friends from La Masia, all I can think of is the fact that my older sister doesn't want to be my older sister any more.
And I can't stop thinking about what it could be like, if it was still what it used to be.
~~~~~~
I spend another two weeks wallowing in my confusingly overwhelming emotions before Mapi decides to intervene, intercepting me as I walk towards Aitana after training once again.
"No, you are coming with me today, pequena!"
I didn't even realise Mapi was here, her rehab finishes at the same time as Alexia, an hour before training ends.
She beams and throws her arm over my shoulder, ignoring my disgruntled expression.
"I will see you tomorrow, ABC." I murmer softly, but both Spaniards can hear it.
They both think I am too short to see the concerned look they throw at each other, but I notice it. I notice everything.
Mapi guides me out of the facilities and into her car and I can feel her concern grow as she inspects me from the drivers seat.
"You are not ok, Elena."
Her words are soft but understanding. It surprises me how she could just pick it up like that, I thought it was less obvious.
I thought it was less obvious because nobody has brought it up to me before.
I shake my head, not trusting myself to say anything without crying, although at this point it feels inevitable.
"That's ok. It's ok to not be ok, you know?"
I nod and she continues.
"When you came over the other week, I told you to talk to someone, but I don't think you have, have you?"
I continue my vow of silence by shaking my head, my eyes concentrated on how my hands shake and fidget in my lap.
I am too concentrated on my hands to realise that my eyes have filled with tears, to realise that the first one has slipped out. I only notice when the fat tear lands with a splat on my thumb and I stare at it, my mind full of confusion and unfamiliarity.
I don't understand how I feel, because I feel sad, and angry. They are normal emotions, ones that I have always felt, just usually in a less aggressive and persistent way.
But I feel so... lost, isolated. I feel alone and that is something I am not familiar with, not at all. Usually, I would talk to Alexia about my anger and sadness, but this has been going on for so long, slowly chipping away at my self-confidence, at my happiness. Now all I can feel is the loss of someone. Someone so important.
I may be dramatic, but how else would I describe it? She decided she was too busy and threw me away, a piece of rubbish. How am I supposed to cope with the fact that it's all I am to Alexia?
We used to be so strong as a family, we were always there for each other, nobody left behind. But I can't help but feel like I have been, just a bit.
Mami and Alba love me, Mami and Alba are proud of me. But Mami gets home after I go to bed and Alba has her own life, her own friends. She doesn't need to be pulled back by her little sister who has lost the ability to deal with her own emotions.
It would not be fair for me to pile my problems with Alexia onto Alba. It would not be fair to make her pick a side.
Alexia could be the person that helps me. We have similar schedules, interests, personalities. She knew me like the back of her hand and I knew her equally as well. But I don't think I have ever felt so disconnected from her.
Mapi snaps me out of my daydreaming when she speaks again.
"It is not healthy to keep everything inside of you, pequena, so we are going to the beach and we are talking. I am going to force it out of you because I miss my bright little best friend."
She reaches over and wipes the tears from my eyes, awkwardly pulling me into a hug.
"Everything is going to be ok. You are going to be ok, Elena Putellas, because you have me."
I nod, leaning back into my chair and using my palms to wipe my eyes as Mapi turns the car on and begins to drive out of the carpark.
"Thank you, Mapi." It is a whisper, but she hears me loud and clear, offering me a watery smile before focusing her attention right back onto the road ahead.
The car is quiet as we drive to the beach, Mapi just humming along to her song.
Mapi has always been a big talker. She always says she finds silences uncomfortable and sometimes even slightly overwhelming, so she talks. She talks and talks at a speed that makes it practically impossible to register what she is saying, and the inability to comprehend her spoken thoughts is only heightened by the way she jumps from topic to topic, her voice only increasing in speed and excitement as she gets more and more carried away.
But she is Mapi, and Mapi always talks, so I got used to it, finding her chattiness endearing, she was fun, always happy.
Which is why it is so meaningful when she isn't speaking, like she knows that her words are fruitless and likely not particularly tasteful - they won't be received well.
She is silent as we walk down to the beach and as she lays her rug and pillows out, sitting down and motioning for me to sit down next to her.
She is quiet for a few moments, like she is debating within herself on what she should say and when she should say it, captivated by the way he waves crash onto the sand cyclically, the beaming rays of sun showering the crystal water, the first indicators of the imminent sunset.
When she speaks, it is slow and it is quiet. Her words hug me in a way that has been missed for so long, and I immediately soften; she would have noticed my shoulders relaxing underneath her arm.
"I remember when I first met you." Her eyes are closed and a soft smile rests on her face. "It was before I even joined Barcelona, at my third camp with Spain. I had heard about you before, from Alexia, I knew so much about you from how much she would gush about everything you did every time I spoke to her. In person, over text, she was obsessed with you and sometimes I didn't understand why it seemed like all she spoke about was her little 5 year old sister."
She chuckles, but I stay silent, still staring out at the ocean.
"But then I met you and I immediately understood why she wouldn't stop talking about you. You radiated this happiness, like a little sunbeam. Alexia got you from the barricade after a match, it was only my second ever appearance, but Alexia brought you right over to me and introduced us. You grabbed onto my leg and held it, almost yelling about how cool it was that there was another player to meet."
I smile. I have never heard this story before.
"And then the next time, you recognised me and I was so surprised, so happy. But you were also happy, Elena, you always were smiling, laughing. You would hang from your sisters shoulders and whack her on the back, swinging around in her arms and laughing so loudly that we could hear you from the other side of the pitch. You were always like that, every time I saw you. I found myself looking forward to spain camps even more, because I got to see little Elena Putellas with her big smile and cheeky personality. But recently, I think you have lost a bit of your spark because you do not seem as happy. You seem miserable, lena, and I want to help you find that spark again because I promise, it is not gone forever. It has just been buried so deep by all these emotions that are so big and overwhelming and you can't even find who you are anymore."
Her words strike a cord, and I find that my eyes fill with tears once more, but I do everything I do to hold them back as I speak. There is a long moment of silence as we both look out at the waves before I break it with a quiet inhalation.
"I am so scared, Mapi." My voice breaks but I continue anyway. "I don't know who I am anymore and it is so scary. I don't know what happened or where I went but one day I woke up and I was just a miserable shell of the person I was and I don't know what to do."
She is quick to pull me into a hug as the tears start falling because we both know that once I let out the first cry, I will not be able to stop. Her soft hands through my hair and calm words that flow through the small space we occupy will do nothing to calm the turmoil I am feeling on the inside.
Thinking about it only makes it worse, like I am shaking everything up so it rises to the surface instead of letting it lay undisturbed deep inside of me.
But Mapi's words were like stepping into a turbulent plane, shaking uncontrollably, fear falling over me and triggering emotions that I didn't even realise I had inside of me. The dirt hazes up the water until everything is a big whirlwind of confusion. Emotions moving around to quickly to capture them and try to understand them.
The things I want caught up in the whirlwind of unwelcome mess, the whirlwind that I can't seem to get myself out of.
The injured centre back whispers calm words of affirmation into my ear for a while, her hand stroking up and down my back. It keeps me down to earth, does not let me fall into the trap of a million emotions.
"We will find who you are again, Elena. I will always be here to help you. I am right here."
I want to tell her that I want my sisters to be there to help me. I want Alexia to come back and I want Alba to realise that there is something wrong. But neither of them were there like Mapi is. Alba has tried to be there for me, but she doesn't get it because I don't know what to say.
But all I do is cry in her arms. The sobs soften into quiet whimpers as the sun sets, casting a yellow glow over the beach, but we stay there even as the air becomes cooler and the sky becomes darker.
Mapi decides that I will not be going home that night, not trusting me to take proper care of herself and instead taking me back to her apartment again.
Ingrid is there this time, and she looks at her girlfriend with concern when we walk in, immediately noticing my red face and puffy eyes.
"Hey, Elena." She smiled at me, but I was preoccupied by the little black cat that had begun to circle my legs.
"We had a chat on the beach and decided that because her Mami isn't home, she would stay here the night again."
I picked up Bagheera, tickling under her chin as I sat down on the sofa, trying to ignore the wary glances that were being sent in my direction by the Spaniard and Norwegian.
"I don't know what to do."
Mapi's words were hushed, and by the way she immediately spoke more quietly when she saw my head whip towards them, it is clear that they were not for my ears.
But as I fiddle with Bagheera's fur, I dissect her words. More than I should and definitely more than she wants me to.
She doesn't know what to do with me. She doesn't know how to help, how to fix what has been broken.
She doesn't know whether she should talk to Alexia because it would break my trust. Because telling Alexia could just make it all so much worse.
I think I have been holding onto hope that she really is that clueless and is trying to do what she thinks is best for me. I try to hope that is the reason this has all happened, and not because she simply has forgotten about me, or because she doesn't want to be responsible for me any more.
But honestly, I think it is a mix of all of that. And I think it has evolved from guilt, not watching my games, wanting to avoid the awkward conversations that could have arisen if she had apologised to me.
I wish she knew that an apology would make all the difference. A sincere one, from her heart.
Unprovoked. Just her, being truly apologetic.
Because as humiliating as it is, I would do anything to be back in her arms. I would do anything to have my older sister back, I wish that she would just do something that would make this all go away, to pick up the pieces of my shattered insides and stitch them back together. Eventually, the stitches would dissolve, I would forget all about them and I would be able to function normally again.
But Alexia is not a surgeon, and she would not be able to do that stitching seamlessly. She would use glue, but even that won't put it all back together so perfectly.
There is no way for her to just put it back together and pretend it never happened, to move on like this was just a blip. Because I am different now, I have grown. She has missed so much of my early teenage years - the years that I have most needed her help.
But I am not even sure that Alexia wants that any more; I don't know if she wants to fix this all up and move on.
The dinner table is quiet as I pick at my meal, Mapi encouraging me to eat more than a few bites, claiming she won't leave until my plate has been cleaned up.
Ingrid doesn't utter a single word, instead her green eyes piercing through my skin. I feel exposed to Ingrid, as if she can read everything, understand everything, just from one simple glance.
It is ridiculous, but she is deep in thought so I don't say anything to her either.
It is only when Mapi opens her mouth again that Ingrid's eyes flick over to her girlfriend.
"Does Alba know you feel like this? Or your Mami?"
It is a simple question, but strikes a chord.
No, neither of them know. Neither of them have even noticed a change.
I shake my head roughly, and Ingrid releases a scoff.
I look up, offended.
"What?"
She turns her head to me, confused, so I continue.
"It is not my fault! It is not easy to talk about these things."
"No, no. Elena, that was not directed at you."
She seems apologetic so I have to believe her. I push my chair back, attempting to leave the room with a clutter, cursing my misty eyes for what feels like the millionth time that day.
But me exit is not as seamless as I would have liked, and Mapi is standing right in front of me when I get up, wrapping her arms around me.
It is supposed to be to trap me, but Mapi's arms will never not be a comfort.
I immediately relax into her grip, sighing softly.
"I am so confused."
~~~~~~
Mapi's hands were running through my hair, my lap on the sofa as the tv played that evening. It had been an hour since dinner and the three of us had moved into the lounge room, the silence being filled by the Spanish show on the screen.
But there was a knock on the door and Ingrid sighed, standing up to open it, knowing that neither Mapi or I would get up.
It was both surprising and unsurprising to see Aitana standing there, her hair messy and over of her face, as if she had just been in bed.
"Is Mapi still awake?"
She didn't bother to greet Ingrid, clearly here for a reason. Why else would she have arrived at almost 11 at night.
I couldn't hear Ingrid's response, but I could hear Mapi speaking to me.
"She's worried about you too, Elena. You-"
I love Aitana, I always have.
"I know she is, she is terrible at hiding it. But she has avoided bringing it up. If she wanted me to talk to her I would try my best to, but she hasn't."
Again, I love Aitana and I know she has my best interests at heart. She knows I need to talk about everything to someone, but she also knows that I don't want to. She doesn't want to push even though I can tell she is worried. She is stressed.
Ingrid and Aitana enter as soon as I finish speaking, the Spaniard almost running to where I am lying, placing her hand on my cheek.
"You have been crying."
It is blunt, a bit surprising. I don't really know what to expect from Aitana, she has always been the light hearted one who never would shy from telling me how great I was, but we have never really spoken about melancholy emotions like these.
I suppose there has never really been a need to in the past, that is what Alexia and Alba were for.
She sits down on the floor in front of my face, her knees up to her chest as she stares at me, intensity in her eyes. It is not unlike the intensity she often displays on the pitch, motivated and passionate.
"I will help you." She is decisive. "We will fix this."
I nod softly and she runs her hand down my cheek.
"You are too young to be feeling like this, little Lena. I am sorry I let it get this far."
I look at her in confusion and she pauses before continuing.
"I knew something was wrong. I went to your games at La Masia."
I can tell Mapi is listening closer now.
"I know she didn't go to any."
Mapi gasps, quite loudly, and Aitana gives her a frustrated look, rolling her eyes softly.
"I should have said something to her. She doesn't realise how important you are, how lucky she is to have you."
I frown at her words.
"Lucky?"
It hasn't something I'd ever considered my sisters to be, having to look after a small child for most of their adolescence. Having to please me for so long.
"I used to dream of having a baby sister like you, she is lucky."
Mapi decides it is her turn to add something to the conversation.
"She loves you, Elena, she always has. Of course she thought she was lucky. She needed someone to help her pick on Alba."
There is suddenly a lump in my throat. I think it is the mention of the before that triggered it. The memories are too hard to handle, I usually avoid them at all costs.
My eyes become wet again, apparently, but Aitana just laughs softly.
"You two were just so mean to her, the poor thing."
Mapi lets out a chuckle from above me as well, and I find my mouth turning upwards into a smile.
"I probably should apologise now, shouldn't I?"
Aitana shakes her head, not able to hold back her laughs and Mapi is the same from where I can not see her.
It is when I finally laughed that I feel Mapi soften beneath me and see Aitana exhale a soft sigh of relief. They thought I wouldn't notice, but I did. I notice everything.
"We will fix this, ok?" Aitana was somewhat serious again, her hand patting my face. "We have a day off tomorrow, I will be here and we can all talk. We can all decide what to do next."
"Why are you two doing all this for me?"
Aitana sighs and Mapi's hands pause in my hair.
The midfielder looks above me, as if encouraging her to reply, but I speak up again before she can.
"Alexia is your captain, your teammate. She is your best friend, Mapi. Why are you doing so much for me when we are not speaking?"
There is another pause. It looks like Aitana is about to hit Mapi on the head, but the Spaniard speaks up before she can.
"Alexia has so many people behind her. Alexia is strong, she is experienced and she is older than you. You are just young, pequena and you are so lonely and lost. We want to help the both of you, but we need to help you first."
She pauses and Aitana finds the time to interject. It is like they have been talking about me.
Come to think of it, they probably have.
"You looked like you were going to burst. We knew that you and Alexia weren't speaking, that both of you were having a hard time because of it. But Elena, you looked destroyed. We couldn't leave you to your own devices any more. And Elena, we are doing this because we love you. So, so much."
"Alexia loves you too. More than us. She just does not do a great job of showing it, that's all."
I sigh softly, falling backwards into Mapi's lap, wondering just what I have done to deserve this.
How luckyI am to have my older sisters friends there looking out for me.
Because my family was falling apart and it was my fault. I couldn't do everything alone.
I choose not to think about what would happen if Mapi and Aitana weren't here like they are.
A tear slips down my face again, but this time it is not so sad. It is full of emotion, a grateful tear. Not quite happy, but not sad either.
"Thank you."
~~~~~~
hope you enjoyed :)
this chapter was more to gauge where elena is at, sorry if it was boring!
#woso#woso fanfics#woso imagine#barca femeni#fcb femení#alexia putellas x reader#alexia putellas#mapi leon#aitana bonmati
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the first time after tommy bottoms for buck, he doen't expect much in the way of aftercare, honestly assumes that he's still going to be the one to move, the one to clean them both up- not because of evan, himself, or anything that he's said or done. it's just. what tommy does. it was how it had always been with his exes; he was the one to take care of them, not the one to be taken care of. but he should've known that it'd be different with evan. it was always different with evan. better. good.
after, evan collapses on top of him, panting, skin flushed and sweat soaked, says, between breaths, "f-fuck," and, "god, that was so good," and, "you were so good, tommy, so perfect for me," and paws at him, petting at any and every inch of tommy's skin that he can reach and- and it doesn't register then, what his boyfriend is doing; evan's always been extra tactile, affectionate, after sex, always touching and wanting to be closer, closer, closer, like he'd climb into tommy's skin and tuck himself between tommy's ribs if he could. he's never been shy on returning the praise that tommy gives to him, either, always lets tommy know how much he'd enjoyed it, how good tommy had made him feel, knows that even if it doesn't do quite the same thing that it does for himself, that it still makes tommy feel good, proud, pleased-
-so tommy doesn't think anything of it, just reaches for evan back, hands clumsy as he grabs at him, pets at him and pulls him in closer. murmurs about how good evan always is for him, lets evan take what he needs from him and greedily soaks in the comfort of evan's weight on top of him, the feel of evan's skin against his own in return. lies there for another minute, two, loose-limbed and feeling completely wrecked in the best way possible, lets evan's touch, his words, continue to wash over him as he tries to get his brain to come back online long enough to get his boyfriend taken care of properly.
eventually, feels evan start to shift against him, thinks he must be starting to feel uncomfortable, is starting to feel uncomfortable, himself, with his own come drying on his stomach between them and evan's beginning to leak out of him. musters the energy to get his hands beneath himself, and careful not to jostle evan too much on top of him, pushes up onto his elbows- and then evan's hand is on his chest, strong and firm, stopping him from moving any further.
"h-hey, what- where are you going?"
tommy looks down at him, a little confused, a little concerned, and finds evan already looking back at him with his brows furrowed. he searches evan's eyes, but doesn't see any worry, or fear, there. brings a hand up to cup evan's face, rubs his thumb across his cheek, feels a little giddy at the way evan immediately leans into the touch and reassures, anyway, just in case, "i was just going to get something to clean us up, kid. i'll be right back, i promise."
evan pulls away from him, slightly, at that. tilts his head, scrunches his face up further, looks baffled, and, tommy can't help but think, adorable, and says, "um, no- no you're not. that's my job tonight."
and tommy pauses. takes a minute, processes. shakes his head, says, "evan-"
"tommy," his boyfriend immediately parrots back, cutting him off, says, like he knows exactly what tommy's thinking- probably does, honestly, knows tommy so well at this point that it scares him sometimes, "you just got your brains fucked out, let me take care of you, okay? stay here and i'll be right back, okay?" doesn't wait for an answer, leans forward and distracts tommy with his mouth, keeps it chaste as he presses his hand further into tommy's chest, pushes gently, firmly, until tommy falls down onto his back again and then pulls away and clambers off the bed, completely ungraceful but still, somehow, looking stupidly attractive to tommy's malfunctioning brain.
tommy lifts his head, slightly, watches him walk away until he disappears out of view and then thumps his head back down into the pillows. lies there, stunned. feels slightly off kilter but, he thinks, not in a bad way. tucks an arm under his head, lets the other rest at his side, away from the mess on his stomach and waits paitently for his boyfriend to come back, feeling warm, and soft, and safe as he does so, in the way that he's found only evan has of surprising out of him.
he doesn't have to wait too long before evan is walking back into the room, soft smile on his face and a damp wash cloth in his hand. he slips back into the space between tommy's legs, fits perfectly, just like he does in tommy's arms, like tommy's body was made just for him and tommy thinks, quietly, as his boyfriend rests a hand on his thigh, that it was. knows that he's been ruined for anybody else. says, "hey, baby," because he likes the way evan blushes, even now, smiles, small and pleased when he does. says, because he feels like he should, "you really don't have to, baby, i can do it, i don't mind."
evan's already shaking his head before he's even finished, says, "nope, it's my turn tonight, remember? and- tommy, i want to do it, okay? i like getting to take care of you," leans over him and runs the cloth carefully over his stomach, down his thighs, face focused, like this is impotant- like tommy's important. wipes the cloth lower, down tommy's ass and gently over tommy's hole, repeats the motion, once, twice, says, "sorry, sorry baby, i'm done now, you did so good," and soothes a hand over his thigh when it makes him flinch, oversensitive, barely imperceptible if not for the way that evan's become so quickly attuned to him over the past few months.
evan tosses the cloth, and tommy's sure that it's landed nowhere near where the laundry basket is, but can't find it in himself to care when his boyfriend drops most of his weight back down over him, dips his head and catches tommy's lips with his own all in one smooth movement. immediately begs for entry with his tongue and tommy lets him in, fists a hand in his curls, lets evan take control, lets him kiss him soft and slow and until there's no air left in either of their lungs. lets evan pull away, lets him dip back down and steal another, quick kiss before he pulls away again, breathless.
evan drops down next to him, wraps an arm over him and pulls him in close, and then closer still, tucks him up against his chest. presses a kiss to his head. tommy lets his head fall into the crook of his neck, hums, content, says, "mm, thank-you, this is nice."
"don't have to thank me, baby. i love you, i'm always gunna take care of you."
#911#911 abc#evan buckley#tommy kinard#bucktommy#buck x tommy#tevan#kinley#kinkley#tv: 911#ship: bucktommy#mine: post#mine: 911#mine: bucktommy#mine: fanfic#fanfic: 911#fanfic: bucktommy
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gonna just drop a bulletpoint story out there because this aint a lot to go off of but you're soooo right, speak your truth i love you. you're putting two of my favorite things together, ratio and kitsune / foxes
♡ kitsune! ratio who got eight tails, some joke its one tail for each subject that he's graduated college with a master's degree for
♡ he's really is far more playful than people give him credit for, although in his own deadpan kind of way
♡ like, no, he doesn't outright make jokes, but he'll say stuff that goes over people's heads and then loudly exclaim " why do i even bother ?! " with a feigned annoyance, but it's okay because its ratio and it's cute
♡ he really takes the ' sly fox ' thing to heart. i mean, he already works in the shadows, sly is just a part of who he is
♡ but he is still a good person !! people may often assume that he's not because of how he acts and they attribute that to being a kitsune, but he really does care about humans
♡ especially one stupid little human who likes to visit the shrine he lives at a lot
♡ yeah, you caught his attention, but he would much rather die than admit that to you
♡ he doesn't say anything when you offer him the good tuna while he's in his fox form, even though it irks him a little bit because he's a fox, you moron, not a wild cat
♡ shouldn't you be trying to run away from him anyways ? why are you so brazen about walking up to a fox ? don't you know that they're wild animals and they can hurt you if they wanted to ?
♡ you're so lucky that he doesn't want to, otherwise it would be a problem on your side
♡ he eats the tuna every time you bring it for an offering, enjoying it even though he bites back a snarky comment every single time
♡ he's smart enough not to bite the hand that feeds him. his shrine is so far out into the woods that you're really the only one who comes to visit him from time to time, something that he was silently grateful for
♡ he's not tied to the shrine, he can leave if he wanted to, and he's often out and about doing whatever he wanted to, usually finding a hapless human like you and quietly guiding them towards a better solution
♡ but you liked to visit the shrine every wednesday, so he made sure he was there every wednesday
♡ why ? because he wanted to
♡ when he finally revealed his true form to you, it was purely to educate you on something stupid that you had done, at least that's what he told himself
♡ you'd gotten cut by the bramble out in the forest while making the trip to him, and so of course he had to show his true form to bandage your wounds, that was only proper of him
♡ while biting your ear off about not even worrying about the wound until you were at the shrine. what if it got infected, or worse ? you truly were a foolish human
♡ all eight of his tails are angrily flicking the ground below him as he patches you up the best he can, meanwhile berating you for your idiocy, something that he cant stand
♡ and you're just smiling like a moron, too, despite being injured ! he can't wrap his head around you !
♡ finally, once youre all taken care of, he has to ask why you offer him food, when he just looked like a regular fox to you at the shrine
♡ possibly the most annoying thing ever, you don't have a good answer. no profound understanding, just because you want to
♡ he's so frustrated with you he's sure he may pop a blood vessel, and you offer to leave, but he tells you to stay. it would've made the trip and your injury meaningless if you left so suddenly without staying for anything
♡ and when the sun begins to set, you find him... following you away from the shrine ?
♡ ask him what he's doing and he's just going to give you a simple answer, and if this should've been common knowledge to you all along, and you were an idiot for asking
♡ " of course, someone has to watch over you to make sure you don't accidentally get yourself killed. "
— ♡ rationaliity 2024
#honkai star rail#hsr fanfic#honkai sr#dr ratio#honkai star rail x reader#x reader#hsr x reader#veritas ratio#hsr dr ratio#dr ratio x reader#drabble#ratio x reader#star rail#hsr veritas#veritas ratio x reader#veritas x reader
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Harry gets a little jealous at a party. (Blurb)
Warnings: smut ahead — kissing, teasing, swearing, dom/sub dynamic, unprotected sex.
//
With hands clenched into fists at the side of his body, Harry decides he's had enough. For the past hour he's had no choice but to watch you converse with friends and keep his distance.
He's had to bite his tongue while you flirt away with Niall, because it was his idea to keep your little rendlevouz a secret.
You've been side-eyeing him since Niall approached you twenty minutes ago, twirling strands of hair around your fingers and giggling a little too loudly at something Niall said. Something Harry knows wasn't actually that funny.
But it's when you start trailing your fingers gently up Niall's arm that Harry snaps and finds himself stalking toward you.
He's angry, pissed, horny. You can tell. His cheeks are flushed and he's bitten his bottom lip raw. Jesus Christ, he's a sight. And you can't wait to be on the brunt end of his frustrations.
Harry doesn't acknowledge Niall as he approaches. He keeps his eyes on yours and snatches your hand away from your friend.
"Need to borrow you for a minute." He keeps his voice low, his grip on your wrist tight.
Harry gives you no time to reply or say goodbye to Niall. He's pulling you away and through the crowd, into an empty bathroom on the far side of Mitch's apartment.
You're slammed against the door as soon as it closes, Harry's lips feverish and hot on yours. Fingers tangled in his hair, you kiss him back with just as much vigour. It's messy -- all teeth and tongue but you don't care.
Harry's groping your ass under your dress, kneading handfuls at a time. "You think you're so fucking clever, don't you."
You moan into his mouth. Pissed off Harry has always turned you on.
"I don't know what you're talking about," you breathe, feigning innocence.
Harry chuckles darkly into your mouth. "No? You weren't just feeling up our friends arm to piss me off?"
He pulls away from you, looking intently into your eyes now. You shake your head, eyes doe like a dumb puppy.
Harry thumbs at your lips. "You know better than to lie to me, Princess."
Your knees almost buckle -- eyes fluttering closed. God, you could come just listening to him belittle you.
"How about I get Niall to come in here, hmm? Let him watch what happens when my bad girl misbehaves? Let him watch me drown your throat with my come?"
"Harry," you whine.
You're the desperate one now, soaking wet and begging to be touched. Your body chases his every time he moves from you, his touch the only thing that could quench your desire.
You reach your hands for him, but Harry's quick to grab your wrists and spin you around, chest pressing against the bathroom door.
"You don't get to touch me. You'll take whatever I give you."
Harry hikes your dress up; lets it sit just above your ass and he's toying at the little red thong you're wearing underneath.
Excitement and anticipation gets the better of you, your hips absentmindedly bucking back into his crotch. He smacks his hand down on your left cheek, fingernails denting half-moons on the tender skin.
"What did I fucking say?" he seethes. "You'll take what you're fucking given."
No warning is given before Harry tugs your thong to the side and urges himself in your little hole. You didn’t notice him even undo his pants — too caught up in your own head.
It stings but only for a moment. The pain is immediately replaced with hungry pleasure as Harry begins to fuck in and out of you at a maniacal pace.
His hands are everywhere. Your hips, your ass, your tits, pulling your hair.
He’s fuming and hot and can’t get enough. He’s always secretly loved it when you misbehave. The excitement of sneaking off and him punishing you.
It’s the main reason why he doesn’t want to tell people you’re dating. He enjoys this secrecy way too much. And if you’re honest, so do you.
He stretches you out deliciously, sloppy sounds muffled by the blaring music outside the hall.
Your head knocks against the bathroom door with every pound he gives. Your hands try to steady yourself the best they can, but the force between Harry’s blows is too powerful.
He’s a panting mess behind you, hair tussled and you don’t need to turn around to know how focused he is on your cunt.
Watching himself disappear in your hole as he abuses you. God, you fucking love it. The way he both worships and neglects your body.
Sex has never been this amazing before Harry. And feeling him inside you, thick and raw. You can feel yourself spiralling. Feel the familiar knot tying in your lower stomach.
You know he’s close too. His breathing is erratic and his cock twitches within your walls.
Your moans have grown louder, daring to seep beneath the crack of the door and scream to every single person here that Harry fucking Styles is about to make you explode.
And it’s like he knows it. The way you clench around him, the way your knees lock and you quickly become silent with a slack jaw.
Harry knows your body more than you realise. And he knows you’re about fifteen seconds away from creaming all over him.
And he knows even better that you won’t warn him.
Harry pulls out abruptly as his orgasm hits, painting pretty ribbons of white arousal across your ass with a profound grunt.
You’re whining, shaking. God, you was so fucking close.
“Thought I told you to take what you’re given. Did you think I wouldn’t feel you about to come all over me?”
You don’t say anything. You can’t. Cheeks flushed and body quivering, you don’t have the strength to bite back.
He tugs down your dress. Arousal still painted across your cheeks and your thong out of place, he doesn’t give a fuck.
Harry grabs a fist full of your hair and with your back to his chest, he brings his lips to your ear.
“Now get your purse and say goodbye to your friends. We're going home so I can punish you for being a little brat again.”
//
Send in blurb requests!
Tags: @kissfromadove @stilesissaved @kiwitsayedsugar @savannahwendel @triski73 @stylesfever @babyyhoneyyy @theresnooneheretosave @ellaorchard @itsmytimetoodream @daphnesutton
#harry styles#harry styles imagine#harry styles smut#imagine harry styles#harry styles x you#harry styles x reader#harry styles oneshot#harry styles fluff#harry styles fic#harry styles angst
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sanemi x f!reader. isekai au, established relationship, mostly fluff and character study. | wc 1.3k, divider thanks to @cafekitsune
Gentle communication has never been Sanemi’s strong suit.
He’s moved through his life as wild and blusterous as the winds he wields to keep the world safe, a flurry of carelessly running off at the mouth and leaving destruction behind him if it suited him best. At least until he met you.
Brash is the kind word you’ve chosen to describe him or at least that’s what he overheard you discussing with Mitsuri shortly after he realized his feelings for you were mutual, after the two of you had engaged in relatively wordless physical passion more than once. He didn’t know what the word meant (frankly, he isn’t sure if she did either although she never mentioned it) and he asked you, pointedly, to explain yourself.
“What the fuck does brash mean?”
The look on your face, wide eyes and slightly downturned corners of your lips, caught him off guard even more so than you found yourself. He watched you through narrowed violet eyes while you considered the way to phrase the explanation, a little regretful about his naturally commanding and harsh tone though he could not, and cannot, change it about himself. For a period of time, you looked terrified of him every time you glanced at him and while he felt grateful that was no longer the case, old fears crept in when you opened your mouth to speak, eyes still wide.
“Are you upset with me?” You asked, glancing toward the ground for a moment and then back at his face - that scarred, beautiful face - concerned that your choice of words offended him.
“No.” He answered quickly, reaching out to rub his thumb along the soft skin of the inside of your wrist, something that became a habit after the two of you began sleeping together. His shoulders slumped forward, he inhaled deeply and lowered his voice. “I just want to know.”
Smiling at the glimpse of the man beneath the surface, you leaned in toward him to close the surrounding world off to just the two of you.
“It means that you aren’t afraid to speak your mind and to assert yourself. It’s not a bad thing, you just get to the point quicker than other people might.”
He could tell you were beating around the bush, a little trait of yours he noticed more and more over the time that passed, and his face fell into a scowl despite his thumb still pressing against your skin.
“So you’re saying I’m an asshole?”
You frowned back at him, shaking your head.
“No, I think you just forget about the subtleties of conversation. Facial expressions, tone of voice, language,” you raised your eyebrows at him, pursing your lips to punctuate the last point. “Little things matter, Sanemi. I can’t tell you why but they do.”
Tilting his head to the side, he lacked the grace to hide his confusion. You glanced up at him and trailed your free hand up his arm, reaching until you cupped his chin and cheek in your palm.
“Why? Why can’t people just say what they mean?” You giggled and patted his face, shaking your head. “I don’t have an answer for that but what I can promise you is that I’ll always figure out what you mean even if you say it a little roughly.”
He smiled down at you, slight enough that anyone else would mistake it for a grimace, but you knew better. Emotions have never come easy for Sanemi and you knew that long before getting involved with him bearing in mind that he didn’t speak to you for weeks except to bark orders or demand you cover yourself up in the revealing Slayer uniform you were given upon your appearance in his world.
Even back then, you’d come a long way with one another in a short time. You sighed and dropped your hand from his face, sparing him the embarrassment of being caught mid embrace with you lest someone approached.
“I never mean to be mean to you,” he admitted, eyes glued toward his hand still resting on your arm. “I don’t know how else to tell you what I’m trying to say. All this shit is just…different for me.”
Nodding, you reassured him with a half smile.
“I know and I always pick up on what you really mean anyway.”
The small tells have always said more than he thinks. Twitching fingers, especially the ones he has confided in you he has less feeling in, resting against your arm. Low chuckles in his throat, so brief you believe you imagined them. His lips roughly pressing against your hairline, your cheek, your throat in the darkness of your room.
───・・✦・・───
Those small signs have certainly come in handy over the time the two of you have spent together. The days of miscommunication aren’t long passed, they still linger in the back of your mind when his jaw is slackened and he looks like he may open his mouth to say anything and leave you to play damage control, but you have figured out the little tells.
The crease between his eyebrows deepens and he grips his teacup a little too tightly while kneeling in front of the table at his brothers’ home. You wordlessly sip from your own cup but glance over at Sanemi, raising your left eyebrow to give him the silent signal that you are checking on him.
Are you ready to go?
So many words contained in a simple gesture.
Please.
He nods once, indistinct enough that Genya and his wife who are lost in their own conversation do not look away from one another. Cup placed gently back on the table in front of him, he leans upward and folds his arms over his chest, allowing you to do what you do best. Talk.
“I think we’re about to head home.”
Genya and his wife rise and smile at the two of you, exchanging goodbyes and thanking you for visiting them and their ever growing family. Sanemi’s heart still occasionally pumps a few beats harder when he takes the time to consider how thoughtfully you approach him, patiently allowing him to clarify himself when most would just assume he’s impolite and leave it at that.
“Thank you,” he finally says when the two of you have exited out of the gate separating Genya’s home and the road, stepping down the path headed toward your own that is closer than it seems on a dusk summer evening.
“Of course.” You butt your shoulder against his playfully, fiddling with the inside of your sleeves. “I know you better than you think.”
Sanemi chuckles, sliding his arm around your waist and pulling you against his side. He’s never been one for overt displays of affection but it’s just the two of you, the crickets, and the earliest appearing stars tonight. There’s no harm in kissing the crown of your head and nuzzling his face into it while your footsteps fall into sync.
“You do,” he agrees, kissing your head. “You’ve tried a hell of a lot harder at the very least.”
This makes you laugh, grinning up at him and wrapping your arms around his waist in return.
“Only because I like you.”
He looks down, brows raised, feigning that same angry look he used to wear before he learned to relax and roll with the punches - assisted by you, of course.
“You only like me?”
Giggling, you shrug, pressing your head into his chest so he can rest his chin on top of it.
“Okay, okay, I guess I love you or something, too.” He chuckles and you feel it rumble beneath your ear, cheeks warming his breath gently ruffles the hair on top of your head.
“That’s better. Say what you mean when you’re talkin’ to me.”
There’s no derision in his words. No anger or frustration, nothing to make you jump or wonder what you’ve done wrong. You glance up at him to find him looking down at you rather than the path ahead, smiling. He’ll save his “I love you” for later, in another way, something you’ve come to appreciate about him since the days when you barely knew each other and were trying to figure it out.
#sanemi x reader#shinazugawa sanemi x reader#sanemi shinazugawa x reader#sanemi imagines#kendall writes#man im feeling so fkdkdjdkdkdkdkdkdkkdmd about posting writing for him let me post this and run away LMAO
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What are your thoughts on Choso having mommy issues AND oral fixation? 🎤
cw. mommy kink, oral fixation, fingering sucking, choso calls you mommy, fem reader, modern au, praising + petnames (for choso), 18+
notes. this is not me, please look away,,, im not even into mommy kink guys please but this made me turn into a wild animal. divider creds: cafekitsune.
oh, you know exactly what i'm thinking about. your fingers in his mouth all the time, choso needs to suck or have something in his mouth whenever he's stressed or needs to concentrate, often he does it unconsciously. he grabs your hand in his, plays with your fingers first in an innocent way and the next thing you feel is his teeth grazing the pad of your fingertips, followed by his tongue licking the bite and finely, his lips curling around these and sucking down to your knuckles.
at first he finds it strange to himself that it makes him so hard to be called a good boy, it embarrasses him every time your sweet praise reminds him of the good job he is doing. however as your relationship blossoms this leads him to become more indulgent in this behavior, one step closer to being the good boy you say he is so much.
"can I suck on your tits?" he asks often without you expecting it, sometimes he just stares at them through your shirt until you offer it to him. "I need your nipples in my mouth..." he whispers another day in a cuddle section while watching a movie in your room.
"where are your manners?" you remind him, giving him a look and teasingly wrinkling your nose.
"please?" he says with puppy dog eyes.
choso pulls down your top, and immediately curses as soon as he sees your beautiful tits and perky nipples. his mouth waters and he cradles it from underneath with his full hand and takes it into his mouth without another word. choso sucks desperately, sucking as if he really believes he can make you lactate.
his tongue twists your nipple, his teeth bite down gently making you moan, getting you to break your gaze from the screen to look at him.
"don't get too eager."
"sorry," he says with a mouthful of your nipple, raising his eyebrows from below to admire you better. choso releases your breast to rub against it, eyes closed, his long eyelashes brushing his cheeks. "i love these fucking tits, they are so sweet."
"choso..." you warn him, you warn yourself, feeling the arousal overflowing from your own pussy lips until it wets your panties.
"I want to put my cock inside you, mommy," he whispers almost embarrassed at how he just called you for the first time, you decide not to tease him this time, pushing his jet hair away from his forehead to get a better look at him.
"let's finish the movie first, baby."
"I'm so hard, please..."
"behave yourself and I'm going to reward you later. you can be patient and bear it just sucking on mommy's tits, right?" his breathing becomes ragged and a reddish hue overflows like paint from the tip of his nose, he pouts briefly before nodding. "atta boy."
#wr#cw mommy kink#choso x reader#choso smut#jjk smut#same with your pussy; he needs it in his mouth all the time#lord please have mercy
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Make You See My Crazy
AzrielxReader
<3
Warnings: some slightly sexual themes
Word count: 7.9k
It’s split into parts only bc I can’t stop yapping
Summary: Upon joining the inner circle you expected excitement, movement, enterprise. Instead you were faced with mundane, every day was nearly the same and repetitive motion was killing you. It’s hard sneaking around the person you love but it’s inevitable when they’re the one holding you back.
Part 2 to I’m not the Crazy One, She Is
<3
I thought working with the inner circle would be action packed; missions, fighting, or infiltrating other courts. I imagined myself having serious debriefs with Rhysand and far off adventures with Mor or Azriel. But for the first year and some change it’s just been training. Every. Day.
I guess it was to be expected, I had to be thoroughly prepared; even if what I was being prepared for was the impossible.
Some of the scenarios Azriel would throw at me were absolutely off the wall; like being shrunken down and hidden under a walnut casing, being drugged with hallucinogenic cookies that make the enemy seem like friends, being eaten by a shark? It was deluded. I asked him if any of those things ever happened to him, his answer; “Unimportant. It could happen to you.”
I thought I was flying through training with flying colors, and so did Rhysand and Cassian and Nesta and Gwyn and Feyre and Emerie and Morrigan and Amren and pretty much everyone other than Azriel. He always found something to correct or have a question with no right answer. At first it was funny, but then I mastered the sword, dagger, staff, bow and arrow, and my personal favorite nunchucks. Now it’s just condescending.
The time I wasn’t preparing for the impossible I was working on strengthening my powers with Amren and Nesta. I’ve had control of my abilities for the better part of two centuries but using them for combat was different. I had mostly used them to get what I want, adopting strangers on the streets powers to make my night more interesting. Now I was using people’s own powers against them. My abilities expanded beyond what I ever thought, what I had ever attempted. I can connect with at least 3 people, stealing power from multiple sources. I can also connect over a distance but that’s only for people that I know, if I can envision them in my minds eye and envision their powers I can connect from virtually anywhere.
Ive never felt more powerful, more formidable, more like a force to be reckoned with than since I’ve begun working with the inner circle. But for some reason, a reason that edged my last nerve Azriel didn’t see it.
“I can take on anyone in this godsdamned court and hold my own, but it’s always ‘you’re not ready’ ‘you need more training’ ‘what if something terribly unlikely happens?’” I groaned at I threw myself back onto Nesta and Cassian’s shared bed. The female was perched at the top, legs tucked underneath herself, watching me with a sly expression.
“It’s because he likes you,” Nesta teased, a knowing smile making its way onto her face.
I flipped myself over and bit my bottom lip, failing at controlling my smile. “I know,” I said dreamily, I could feel my face heat as I thought of the shadowsinger. “But that’s another thing, he likes me, I know he does. But he’s also distant, not physically but emotionally. He’s holding back from me and I don’t know why. Like go king! Give me nothing!”
Nesta laughed as she slid onto her stomach as well, face close to mine, “That’s just how these Illyrians are. They only want love if it’s torture.”
I rolled my eyes at her words, “What did you read that in a book or something?”
“Or something,” she smirked and I chuckled at response shaking my head. “I can’t help you with your love sick yet sickeningly distant Az but in terms of putting you in the field; talk to Rhys. Tell him that you feel more than ready to have a mission of your own.”
I groaned, sneaking around Az didn’t feel right. I wanted him to see me, see what I’m capable of and want me by his side. “Okay,” I said while I picked at my nails. I peaked at the female and she gave me a pointed look, “Okay!” This time I spoke with more conviction. Standing up I stamped my foot with my hands on my hips “I am going to talk to him,” I turned my head to glance out the window, night had taken over the sky, “tomorrow morning.”
It was Nestas turn to groan, her face fell into the bed as she shook her head, “Your just as bad as Azriel.”
“Come on. It’s late, he’s probably in bed. Plus last time I went to him this late…” I shuddered. Nesta just laughed, obviously recalling the story of me winnowing into Rhys’ office and seeing my high lord and high lady in a… compromising position. “Alright,” I stretched, “I’m going home, don’t wait for me at training. I’ll see Rhys bright and early!”
Her face held mock conviction as she nodded once. I just laughed and leaned over to press a loving kiss to the females head, “Bye!!!!” I sang as I channeled Rhys from afar and winnowed myself home.
I was offered a room at the House of Wind and I stayed there most nights but I still kept my cottage. With the egregious checks Rhys wrote me every month I could afford my own little castle but this was home. A new fae had moved in next door, a very nice one, and the corner was cozier than ever before. Also with Az away, the house of wind felt… colder; I needed the warmth of my space.
I went through my night routine; stripping the leathers I had grown accustomed to wearing, cleaning my hair and skin, and climbing into bed with a shirt that Azriel definitely knew was missing. As I laid I contemplated what I would say to Rhys, he has said he thought I was ready but he still backed up Azriel. I shook my head, deciding I couldn’t wait until morning.
Rhys, I whispered into his mind. Channeling his power I was able to slip past his barriers, something he was truly disturbed to find out I could do. Rhys, I tried again a little louder when he didn’t answer.
Stop using my power against me, he spoke, frustration clear. I hate when you do that.
I giggled into his mind, finding out that mental barriers don’t work against me was a pleasant surprise for me and a source of grief for Rhys. Powers are connected to emotions so the more passionate I made someone the more control I could take over their magic. I need to talk to you.
It can’t wait? I’m… busy. I knew exactly what he meant and shivered as war flash backs played in my brain.
Ewwww, I ragged. I suppose it can. I turned in my bed, making myself comfy.
The silence didn’t last long, Never mind, Nyx just woke. What do you need Y/n?
I paused, a hundred persuasive and graceful ways to ask came to the forefront but I chose succinctness. I want to go on a mission.
He paused, from inside his mind I could hear the wheels turning but out of respect for his privacy I cast my glance away. Waiting until Az is out of town, are you trying to get me in trouble?
No! I just… I’m ready. There was nothing else to say, I’m ready. I know it, Rhys knows it, everyone in this circle knows it; it’s time for me to prove it.
I heard him click his tongue, thinking of how to deny me nicely. I filled his head with my disappointment, my hurt from being consistently passed over. A sigh was heard, and I felt his conviction break.
Okay, I have an idea. See me in the morning.
I didn’t let my excitement slip into his mind but I’m sure he heard it in my voice, Okay, okay! Perfect. I’ll see you!
I disconnected from him and rolled over, giggling into my pillow and kicking lightly under my blanket. I wondered what Rhys had planned, I tried not to let my imagination get me too excited but as I fell into rest depictions of other courts circled my mind.
-
Azriel landed in the training ring with a swift silence. His leathers were glistening in the sun, clean and shiny. He picked up the habit of cleaning them before returning right around the time you started spending nights in the House of Wind. The thought of you seeing him covered in blood unsettled him, he knew deep down you wouldn’t truly care but he wanted to protect you nonetheless.
His bright eyes scanned the ring; priestesses, Valkyrie’s, and a very loud Cassian controlled the space. No you.
She’s not here, his shadows informed him. Upon further prompting his shadows informed him that you weren’t at home, or with Rhys. His eyebrows knitted with confusion as he continued to glance around. It wouldn’t be the first time you skipped training, he pictured the time he caught you tucked into a high-end dress store when you were meant to be in the ring.
He was prepared to take to the skies, ready to find where you were hiding before his brother cut him off, “Az, honey! Not even a hello?” Cass was walking toward him with a natural ease and he couldn’t help rolling his eyes.
“Hello brother,” was all he offered. His voice was void of emotion but his heart was full, coming home to family was always enjoyable. Especially after spending time in the dark tunnels of the Hewn City, seeing someone with a smile on their face was appreciated.
Cass wrapped strong arms around Az’s shoulders, holding him tight. Azriel just returned the favor with two quick taps on his back under his wings.
“I need to go find Y-“ he didn’t make it through his sentence before Cassian cut him off.
“You need to come see these priestesses,” with an arm around Az’s shoulder he led him further into the ring. “We’ve got six more priestesses picking up swords, we have a little battalion on our hands.”
Az lightly smiled and nodded, letting his brother lead him. He figured you could have the day off, you deserve it. You had been doing amazing, you were a quick learner; swift, light on your feet, and knew how to finish strong. Your fighting coupled with your power, you would be daunting in the felid; when you were ready… when he was ready to let you be ready.
Az knew you would hold your on, connecting to his power you would be the assets he always needed but he wanted to protect you, keep you safe from that part of his life as long as he could.
The better part of the morning and early afternoon were spent with the priestesses. Helping them with their swordsmanship, correcting techniques and giving confidence where it was needed. Cass and Az felt something like pride as the watched the females taking back the power that was stolen from them. With training behind them the boys gathered around the island in the extravagant kitchen, chatting with Emerie, Gwyn, and Nesta about the progress being made. You stayed in the back of Azriel’s mind, not being at training and not showing up as the day pushed on. He tried to keep cool about it, you were sensible and strong and he didn’t need to keep you on a leash, but with training 3 hours behind him his hands started to itch at the lack of your presence. His attentive shadows kept him updated, you still weren’t at your house or any of Rhys’.
“So where’s Y/n?” He asked, trying to remain casual as he leaned forward, bracing his arms on the stone island. Lunch had came and went without a word from you. Gwyn’s eyes widened for a fraction of a a second but Emerie quickly pulled her into conversation pertaining to their upcoming book club. Weird.
Nesta just pursed her lips and shrugged coolly, a light shake of her head accompanying the motion. Cassian on the other hand was staring into the tea he that had suddenly became very interesting. That was weirder. If Cass didn’t know he would’ve came up with some witty remark like, ‘she probably found a hot male with emotional maturity’ or ‘she has your account information, probably running you into the ground.’
He stalked a little closer to his brother, Cass just dipped his head further towards his cup. Az bit his cheek, thanking the mother for his brothers inability to keep a secret or produce a good lie.
Az wrapped a wing around his brothers form and dipped down too, “If you put your nose any further into that cup, you’ll drown.”
“Huh? Oh!” Cass laughed as he stood up straighter. He cleared his throat and rolled his shoulders, trying to gain some semblance of confidence. Nesta gave him a look and he turned away quickly, unfortunately for him he turned directly toward Az. The only thing he could do was offer a nervous smile.
Az returned the favor with a saccharine grin, got him. “Where is she Cass?”
“Who?” He asked dumbly. He clenched his fist to keep from slapping his face, he was under the fire of his brothers gaze and he was choking. Az just raised his eyebrows and gave him a pointed look. “Oh, Y/n. Pfft I don’t-“ he tried to do what Nesta did, pout his lips and shrug coolly. He didn’t look cool. “I don’t know. Where is she Nesta?” His voice suddenly carried a faux confusion as he turned to his mate, attempting to take attention off of himself.
Nesta glared, “I. Don’t. Know,” she bit out through gritted teeth. Cass gulped, knowing no matter how this ended he was screwed. He just nodded, humming at her before turning to Az, offering up another lame shrug.
Az looked between the two for a second before glancing over at the other two fae. Their conversation had stopped to take in the scene, at the instant of Azriel’s eyes they quickly turned away and began speaking again.
Az just nodded, the picture of calm. Cassian gulped yet again, he knew he was the weakest link and that Azriel would press him specifically for information. Cassian’s fears were confirmed when the sick smile returned to Az’s face and a firm hand was placed on his shoulder. “Cassian,” Az’s voice was low, slow, “Where is she?” The calmness and gentleness of his words sent a shiver down Cassian’s spine.
“I don’t know, truly,” he was folding. Nesta shook her head before placing it in the arms that were folded across the counter. “She was begging and she wouldn’t let up. Said she was super determined and no wasn’t a viable answer so Rhys caved, sent her on a mission this morning.”
“Good gods,” slipped from Nestas lips. Hand braced on her shaking forehead as she looked into the distance, questioning the mother.
“What?” Az’s grip turned to iron and his brother cringed at the force. He looked between the four in the kitchen, everyone knew. Everyone knew and wanted to keep it from him, if he wasn’t losing his mind he might feel bad.
Nothing else was said, there was nothing left to say, Azriel’s pace was rushed as he pushed through the balcony doors and into the sky.
“Azriel,” Rhys breathed. If the frustration wasn’t clear in his voice, it showed in the way his hands slid down his face.
“Rhys,” he pressed, “I know I just- she just needs more time.” Rhys shook his head at his brothers words, disagreeing. He knew if it were up to Az you would never leave the safety of Velaris. “How would you feel if it was Feyre?” Az’s pushing earned him a growl.
“If you remember, it was Feyre. I had to let her fight far before she was ready. Even so, Y/n is leagues ahead of Feyre.” Az shook his head now, desperately trying to find the words to convince his brother. “If we keep her stagnant any longer the poor female will become destitute.” Azwas quickly becoming hysterical, you meant so much to him and putting you in the line of fire… Hot angry tears pooled on his bottom lash despite his best efforts to keep them at bay, continuing to shake his head as he began clenching his fist. He was fighting so desperately to take control of this situation but Rhys was hard headed and determined to try out his new toy.
“It’s not going to be easy, it will never be easy dealing with the possibility of your mate getting hurt. But if you’re just going to coddle her then what’s the point of bringing her into this circle? She is smart, and strong, let her prove it.”
Az let out a chopped breath. It was his turn to bring his hands to his face, shamefully hiding the tears Rhys was already aware of. He didn’t speak for a moment, pondering. When he brought her in he had to admit he didn’t think of this. He saw it as an excuse to have her close, bring her into the family and keep her around. But after getting close to her, learning her, loving her, he didn’t care anymore. He wanted to keep her hidden from the dark world he had come to know so well. He wished she was offered a different position even though her powers were an amazing defensive and offensive asset; he never wanted to use it.
He shook his head one more time, “I just need more time.” His pleading voice broke and Rhys softened at the sound. All he’s ever wanted for his brother was to feel that earth shattering love like the one he felt for Feyre. How could he tell him those fears were invalid? That they don’t have basis? They’re wrong? He couldn’t and when Az let out one more shaky, “Please, brother,” he couldn’t say no.
Azriel landed in front of the river house with a thud, no shadowy elegance and no preternatural silence. His heightened emotions pushed all of that out of the way to make room for his task; find Rhys, kill Rhys.
He stomped through the house, making his presence and his anger known. He didn’t bother to knock on Rhys’ office door, just blowing it wide open. His high lord sat in his large leather chair while his high lady was perched on the edge of the desk, engaged in loving conversation.
The slamming doors caught their attention as Azriel stopped short of Rhys’ desk, growling his name.
“I figured you’d show up here soon enough, do you have your mission report?” Rhys was calm as he leaned back in his chair, observing Azriel and his pristine leathers and contorted face. Az wanted to stick his eyes and shake Rhys until his head fell off.
“You know that’s not why I’m here,” his voice was low as he struggled to form a sentence and not a fist.
“Oh?” Rhys feigned innocence and Azriel’s grip slipped, fists taking place at his side. “Why are you here then brother?”
A low scoff made its way out, Azriel had to look away to collect the parts of him he could. He didn’t want to play this stupid back and forth game, he wanted to find you. Blowing up on Rhys wouldn’t do anything good for him so he bit out his next words, “My mate. Where is she?”
“Ah, yes.” Rhys just nodded as he continued to look Azriel up and down, sizing how far he could push him. Feyre on the side held a confused face as she tried to decipher the situation. Azriel’s mate? How would Rhys know where she is? A low growl reverberated through Az and his brother just clicked his tongue in response. “She’s fine Az, please-“
Azriel cut him off, walking closer to brace his hands on the desk, “I told you she wasn’t ready. She needed more time to-“
It was Azriel’s turn to get cut off as he held up a hand, “No. You said you weren’t ready. You said you needed time. I gave you time, that times up.”
Az growled again, hands gripping the desk with so much force the wood under his hands groaned. His eyes were wild and his face displayed so much fury Feyre thought he might jump over it and tear into Rhys. “Az…” she said tentatively.
“Did you know?” He looked at her accusingly, not being able to hold his rage back from her. Her eyes widened and she brought a hand to her heart, her hair slid over her shoulder as she shook it back and forth.
“Know what Az? You found your mate? That’s amazing, I-“ Feyre tried to lighten the mood, choosing to focus on the good parts of the conversation.
Az rolled his eyes away from her and back to his brother. “Yes, I did find her.” His eyes held his brothers in challenge, Rhys didn’t back down but Az would either. “It’s a shame though, Rhys seems adamant on getting her killed.” He leaned in slightly, baring his teeth on the last word.
The thought of you out there, alone, in a potentially dangerous situation made his brain fog. His whole body twitched; desperate to tear apart the entirety of Pyrthian until he found you. Deep down he knew his feelings were irrational, Rhys wouldn’t send you somewhere dangerous for your first mission, solo to boot. He knew that you were fierce in your fighting technique. He knew that the reservoir of powers you could access made you one of, if not the most, powerful fae in Pyrthian. He knew you didn’t need him to protect or guard you and that you wanted this. Knowing all of those things doesn’t make it any easier though.
“She’s not- Az please,” Rhys pinched the bridge of his nose and screwed his eyes shut, trying to will away the headache his brother was giving him. “Feyre, baby, give us a moment.”
She just nodded, eyes still examining Az as if she’d find her answer written on his face. She leaned into the kiss Rhys placed on her forehead before moseying out of the office. Rhys pushed himself away from the desk and to the large couch in his office. He grabbed two glasses and the decanter off the liquor cart before sitting down. Az watched silently as he poured two neat glasses of whiskey and sipped one while offering the other.
When Az didn’t move he sat the other glass down and stared at it before saying, “She’s in no danger brother. But you might want to have a drink before I tell you where she is.”
Az’s hands returned to fists and he just stared, zeroed in on Rhys like a deadly predator. Rhys rolled his eyes and gestured to the spot on the couch next time, insinuating he wouldn’t speak until Az at least sat down. Begrudgingly he followed his brothers instructions though sitting down didn’t display any comfort as he was still rigid.
Rhys just watched his brother, looking at him as if the right way to inform him of his mate’s whereabouts would be written on his skin somewhere. The stare only unnerved Az, his skin started to prickle at the attention he was receiving and his vague patience was slipping.
He took a deep breath before grabbing the drink, downing it in one go. It didn’t help his nerves but he let out a sigh anyway before turning back, “Where is she?” His voice was calmer now, the anger was replaced with desperation, exhaustion.
Rhys let out a sigh too, leaning back he stared for a moment longer. “She’s in the day court, where she will remain for the next month and a half.” Az’s eyes widened and with furrowed eyebrows he insisted Rhys go on, “After that she will spend a month and a half in dawn, then winter, summer, and possibly autumn. I’ve spoken with Eris but I’m not entirely sure if we’ll be able to slip her in past Beron.”
Az shook his head, trying to grasp the information being given to him. “Wait you sent her through the courts? For the next 8 months? Why?”
“More training,” he leveled a look at Az whose face still displayed confusion. “Apparently what we’re doing here isn’t enough, so she will train with our closest allies. Learn all new powers along the way and techniques even we don’t have. By the time she comes back, even you will think she’s ready.”
Azriel shot up, hands coming to slide down his face has he passed around the low table. You were gone? For potentially 7.5 months? This was wrong, so so wrong. You should be here, by his side where he can see to it that you get the training you need. The thought of someone else, potentially another male, training you… his skin felt hot to the touch.
“Rhys! I don’t- what do you mean?” He stopped pacing in front of his brother, he wanted to scream, tear him a new one but he felt too manic to focus on that now. “So she’s just gone? For months?! I don’t- how could you do this!”
Rhys poured Az another glass as he spoke, “What was I supposed to do Az? You were safe guarding her to the point it was damn near suffocating. She just wanted to do something, to feel like her time was productive-“
“It was productive!” Az cut in, “She was with me! I was training her! Sending her away like that- what if someone finds about her powers? Do you know what other courts would do to get their hands on her?!”
“Yes Az,” Rhys spoke in a tried tone, being able to tell this conversation wasn’t going to cool down anytime soon. “She knows, she’s safe guarding her powers. She won’t use them in training, just learning other courts techniques and studying their powers to bring back here and implement.”
Az scoffed and shook his head, resuming his pacing. He wasn’t convinced, there was worry and anger, and longing taking up all the space for rationality. “She just wanted to get out there, you know she’s never left Velaris?”
Az’s eyes flew to Rhys’ at the question. “Of course I know,” he bit out. He knew everything about you, everything you were willing to offer him. Late nights spent in your room- at a respectful distance- gave way to room for life stories. You indulged in your early life, family, friends, love history, hobbies, likes and dislikes. He kept it all stored away in meticulous detail, committing everything you’ve ever said to him in perfect memory. You vulnerability inspired him, encouraged him to do the same and bare his soul to you. He told you everything, except for one, or maybe two things. He was safe guarding the bond, not wanting it to influence your decision. He wanted you to choose him because you wanted to choose him, not because you thought you had too.
Rhys hummed, nodding. “Well, she wasn’t going to stop until I gave her something. She’s safe and she’s happy and she’ll be back in no time.”
Azriel rolled his eyes at his brothers hypocrisy, he would be beside himself if Feyre left for that long. He moved toward the door with determination, he was going to find you. He needed to tell you that he was sorry, you didn’t have to run or sneak behind his back. He would tell you what he knew was true and promise not to hold you back anymore. “No you won’t,” Rhys cleaved through his thoughts. “One visitation permit was issued from the courts, Im sure they wouldn’t appreciate my spy sleuthing around. Not to mention how she’d feel about it.”
Az growled at that, cutting his brother a loathsome glare before slamming the doors once again behind him. Rhys just sighed, leaning back and polishing off the drink Az didn’t finish.
-
No time, that was bullshit. The months passed like years and Azriel swears he could’ve lived multiple lives in the time you were gone. He wasn’t himself, out of step, out of sync. It was kinda crazy, he lived so long without you and after just a few hours of knowing you were gone he reverted to a shell of himself.
Some days he barely tried to train, moving through the sessions like a phantom. Other days he laid his hurt bare, taking it out on Cassian until his brother had to tell him ‘no more.’
Work wasn’t able to distract him, he had been on one mission since your departure. Rhys refused to let him go, claiming he was too frazzled to focused. Despite knowing its truth Az tried to disagree, he ended up losing train of thought half way through the conversation, proving Rhys’ point.
You had sent letters, 3 came at least twice a month. One to Rhys, giving updates on where she was and how training was going. One to Nesta, the two had grown close in her time training with the inner circle. One to Azriel, it was similar to Rhys’, she was giving life updates and telling him wonderful stories. Azriel wanted to answer, truly, but the longer he thought the more he realized he had nothing to say. You were having so much fun, meeting wonderful people, exploring new powers, and seeing Pyrthian like you always wanted. He was ashamed by the fact that if it was up to him, you wouldn’t have gone. He sat down to write how sorry he was, how excited for you he was, how he wished he could see it all with you but his letters only made it as far as the fire. He was convinced you were angry with him, that’s why you left while he was gone. He read and reread every letter so much they were a crumpled mess in his hands, some terrible part of him convinced him they were pity letters. His fears were “confirmed” when his letters stopped halfway through the third month.
He was a bit surprised when around the middle of the fourth month he felt talons tapping on his mental shield, far more polite that Rhys has ever been. He opened his shield just enough to let you in, not far enough for anything other than communication.
Hi Azriel, your voice rang through him like a church bell. He shivered at the pleasant invasion, unwittingly letting the rest of his walls down from you. His subconscious wanted you everywhere, invading every part of him, committing all of him to memory.
Hello, Y/n. He hated how timid his voice sounded. But he couldn’t help it, talking to you made him nervous, especially after ghosting your letters.
He heard you sigh into his mind and he couldn’t help himself but duplicate the sound. Hearing your voice, feeling your essence, provided much needed relief.
I’ve missed you, he spoke in his mind. The words came out as a soft whisper, tentative and unsure.
Yea? I could tell by the way you ignored all my letters. He cringed at your words, your tone was joking but he didn’t miss the thinly veiled frustration. He was silent; not sure how to respond or if he even could. His remorse flooded his head and you surely caught on, based on the way you quickly spoke again. I’m sorry, shouldn’t have-
No, he cut you off. You’re right, I should’ve responded. I just wasn’t- I didn’t know what to say. I was- I still am ashamed.
It was your turn to be silent. If he stilled his mind he swears he could feel you nodding. Your questioning voice came through, You think I shouldn’t have gone?
I thought that. But I’ve read your letters, the ones to me and the ones Rhys gave me access too. Your progress is… you couldn’t have achieved what you are now if I kept you hidden.
You were silent, Azriel could feel the contemplation. After a couple beats you spoke again. I’m sorry.
Don’t apologize, ever.
You waited before speaking again, But I am sorry. It felt wrong leaving the way I did, like I was sneaking behind your back. I didn’t even get to tell you goodbye.
Azriel chuckled lightly out loud. It’s a good thing though, I probably wouldn’t have let you go.
Oh yeah? You laugh. What would you have done? Restrain me? Your voice held a playful edge that excited something in Azriel. The lower end of his stomach began to twist and he had to control himself with you still in his mind.
It was his shadows that spoke next, let her see. Their encouragement drew back the curtain of self control and he opened his mind deeper for you. He let you into the fantasies of restraining you with his shadows. Covering your vision with wisps of darkness, blurring your senses to ensure touch was heightened.
He showed you how he would be slow, take his time with you. How he would push your body to absolute extremities, take you to your peak over and over before cradling your exhausted body. You were silent as you witnessed his eagerness, his willingness to give you all the pleasure your body could handle. He heard you let loose a breath, If I knew that’s what you’d do to me I would’ve left a lot sooner.
A dry chuckle left Az’s lips, Then perhaps your punishment should be to withhold such treatment. His smirk was evident in his voice, and you gasped out a laugh at the mention of what had become an inside joke.
You’re a tease! You shrieked down the mental bond and Azriel laughed freely.
Az stayed connected with you late into the night, speaking of pretty much anything under the sun, or in this case the moon. He talked until your voice slowed down and became soft hums of acknowledgment. Eventually your presence in his mind was peaceful, calm; the proof of your sleep
-
3 weeks.
10 days.
4 hours.
15 minutes.
The time that had dragged its feet through sand was now moving at a lively pace. It was by no means quick, you had still taken your time coming back. But with daily mental communication, daily mental flirtation, having only minutes between the two of you Azriel felt his skin buzz. His wings moved on their own, display his anticipation for the world.
Az had woken up early… earlier than usual. The sun was teasing the horizon, threatening to spill its light across the mostly sleeping city. Azriel couldn’t help the coy smile as he greeted the morning happily. Little tasks had kept his body busy as his brain counted down the minutes of your arrival. Shower, train, shower again, morning flight, cleaning, bureaucratic busy work, trip to the shops, following Cassian around for a couple hours. Azriel couldn’t sit down, if he did his leg would bounce and he would be up again in seconds.
But here he was, smoothing the already smooth leathers as he waited “casually” in the greeting room of the river house. He had cleaned up your room in the HoW when you left but he took to dusting it, changing your sheets, and adding fresh and fragrant flowers to liven up the space.
5 minutes, his shadows whispered as they danced around his ears. They reflected their masters eagerness, also unable to sit still and be patient.
You hadn’t connected with him today, most likely too busy getting your affairs in order. Azriel didn’t mind though, it added to his anticipation. For the first time in what could be ever he felt like a kid, bouncing around the room with an insatiable excitement brewing below.
Azriel rubbed his rough hands together and made eye contact with his shoes, a heavy breath left his lips and suddenly it felt stagnant. Everything stopped.
Seconds turned to hours as his head turned upwards. For a moment everything stoped, the world was lost to Azriel as he finally saw you. The sounds of the room became slow and muffled and the only sound was a soft song. A light airy melody, a beautiful blend of bells and chimes. A sweet sound made only by your presence.
The air finally left his mouth and the world returned to normal, time picked up and everything was moving again. The shadows that carried you in dissipated and the ground shook with the bellows of his family.
Cassian was first to reach you, spinning you around like a doll. He barely has time to put you down before Nesta latched on and mumbled something only you could hear. Feyre greeted you with a smile and open arms, Rhys extended a hand that you took firmly. Elaine and Amren gave welcome to your presence and suddenly it was Arziel’s turn. Even his shadows beat him to you, circling every inch- noting every tiny change within you, all the things that didn’t show though your voice in his mind every night. The lines created from muscle, the natural lightness added to your hair that only comes from saltwater and direct sunlight, the clear and unmistakable scent of raw power. Every little thing was reported back to him, the way each minuscule movement of yours was silent, the advanced lightness of each step that brought you closer, the disciplined posture you now carried. Then there was the perceptive glint in your eye, one that seemed to bore into his skin, one that traced every cell and tendon in his biology; tracking his synapses and learning his bones. One that tore apart his soul and memorized it.
“Azriel,” Your greeting was clean and simple; and it almost brought him to his knees. He steadied himself with a breath and clenched the fists that wanted to reach for you. Not yet. Not here.
“Welcome home Y/n,” all the courage that made a warrior was used as he held your eyes. You were still you, still the same female he devoted each waking thought to. But you now held an edge, a deadly aura that put even him off. “I can’t wait to see what you’ve learned.”
You smiled, all of your venom hidden behind perfect, pearly structures. “I can’t wait to show you.”
Your long awaited return was celebrated with dinner, drinks, and the promise of putting your skills to the test at first light. You celebrated and mingled, held your drink dutifully but didn’t take a single sip. Your months of watching your own back and the crippling paranoia that you would be made kept you from inebriation. Not to mention you wanted to be at your best when you displayed yourself. You casually turned in early, leaving the festivities to the ones who actually indulged. You took to setting your room up in a way only self preservation would justify. Weapons were hidden all around your space, a habit from being in enemy territory with no back up. You had to be ready for anything at any time, being caught off guard would be the difference between life and death. Once you felt confident in your new arrangements you climbed into bed, channeling Azriel’s shadows to watch you in your sleep.
-
I awoke before the sun, prepping myself in fighting leathers and a clean hairstyle. My go bag was packed and placed at the foot of the bed where it could be grabbed on the way out. It was full of all the weapons I had grown accustomed to using. Most of it was basic, knives, sabers, and folding spears. There were also more elaborate weapons unique to the courts I spent time in; light directors, specific for centralizing the power of light from the day court. Loch detonators, a device that turns powered water into intense explosives. The collection was impressive but most of it would prove to be useless today, I planned on taking the boys in hand-to-hand combat.
I pushed open the window of my room before climbing out. Scaling the monstrous house, I jumped and grabbed all the edges that would lead me to the roof. The roof was hipped into a long line, on that I ascend and landed at the apex. One foot balanced on the line while the other crossed over my bent knee. My hands stretched out on either side, keeping my center of gravity directly over the line.
The cold dusk air heightened every sense as I let loose. Thoughts escaped as my perfectly poised body found peace, my steady breath the only tether to the earth. With my mind clear and body at ease I was able to connect with every part of myself, honing every part of me for battle. After an hour of meditation I stood up and began to move. To any onlooker it would look like I’m dancing on the roof not partaking in an ancient practice of energetic redirection. I came across the art of Tai Chi in my time spent in the summer court, a friend I had made took me to her village on the southern edge and though it is a closed practice one of the elders agreed to teach the basics. I had also managed to find some scrolls on the subject in Helion’s vast library and continued my training. Now it was part of my daily exercise; balance my mind, body, and energy.
Nearly two hours and passed before I left the roof, opting to winnow in and grab my bag before making my way to the training ring. Cassian and Az were there, preparing for the day with calisthenics.
“Good morning angel,” Cassian greeted with the trademark smile that comes before saying something stupid. “Done dancing on the roof?”
I looked to your feet as a smile creeped onto my face, “Yea, ready to dance with you now.”
“Ohh, we’ll see about that,” Cassian’s face was smug but I kept smiling nonetheless. It made sense, he had no reason not to be. He’s perfectly unaware of what I’ve learned and what I’ve taught myself. Azriel on the other had looked calculating, like he was trying to note all the ways I’ve changed. His gaze was piercing, like he could figure out all I’ve learned just by looking at me. He knows all of my experiences, everywhere I was at any given time but my training was not something we had discussed in detail.
“What about you Azriel?” I tilted your head as I looked him up and down. Blatant and greedy, not even trying to hide my hunger. He had opted to train shirtless this morning, something whispered that it was a subtly attempt to distract me. “You ready to dance with me?”
Azriel smirked, stalking closer as he continued to tape his knuckles. “Hmph,” he matched my actions, eyes taking over the way your lean body contorted under my leathers. “I was born ready for you.”
I felt my body rise a hundred degrees and his words and gaze, I wanted to jump on him the same way I did in our shared visions. But I kept my composure, he was trying to rile me up. “I sure hope you mean that.” one finger made its way to his arm, tracing the tattoos there until it met the glove on his hand. I grabbed his hand and brought it to your lips, kissing his knuckles in a light teasing fashion. His nostrils flared as I looked up at him through l lashes. “Because Id want nothing more than a go at you.”
He opened his mouth but was cut off by his brother, “Good morning! I hope you’re all ready because I know I am.” Rhys strolled over with Feyre, Amren, and Mor in tow. He rubbed his hands together in a gesture that showed excitement before shoving them in his pockets.
“I hope you’re ready for a show,” Cass spoke as he stretched one last time, “Y/n plans to dance.” I just smiled in response, Rhys raised a brow and his eyes shone. He was the one receiving daily briefings. I had connected with him and let him see some of my work through my eyes. Some. The rest I kept safeguarded, waiting until this moment to show them off. Since I were essentially stealing the powers I was exposed to I didn’t have anyone to train me in their use, normally that would put me at a disadvantage but Rhys changed my outlook on that. Since I hadn’t been taught how to use them I was never put in a box, never limited to what everyone else thought was possible. I could experiment with the powers I encountered, come up with my own ways to use them, and create different techniques than those normally seen. The magic belonged to others but when I used them, the powers were wholly mine.
“Okay Y/n, who do you want to dance with first? Cassian or Azriel?” Rhys asked, the knowingly look on his face was obvious. He knew what I would say, and I wasn’t in the mood to disappoint.
“Aww, I can’t have both?” I pouted lightly, turning from Rhys to the other parts of the trio, “I’ve always wanted to take on brothers.” The tease in my voice lit a double meaning behind the words. Cass snorted and Az just ducked his head and shook it side to side, even so I could still see the small smile on his lips.
“Well what are we waiting for?” Cass said clasping his hands, “I’m in the wish granting business sweetheart.” I just nodded simply as I pursed my lips, looking them up and down once more before grabbing my bag and heading to the far end of the ring. As I was wrapping my own knuckles Nesta came over with a water bottle meant for me.
“Thanks honey,” I smiled as I took the water. “Promise you won’t hate me if I bang your mate up a bit?”
Nesta laughed, “Hate you? Baby I’ll thank you. That male needs humbled.” We both chuckled at that statement as I finished with my hands. “What weapon are you going to use?” Nesta asked as I shuffled around my bag. I hummed before pulling out a small fan and sheath to keep it in. The fan looked like any other handheld fan except instead of fabric it was made of metal that weren’t fixed, meaning they could move if struck. “This,” I smiled, strapping the fan to the outside of my thigh.
“Just that?” Nesta questioned, I nodded in response. Honestly it was a lie, I had no plans to use the fan, at least not as a weapon. I pulled it for show, it would be decoy used to distract and throw off the boys. The fan wasn’t wholly useless though, I picked up different ways to turn it into a weapon when wielded skillfully. It would be too cocky to walk in there with absolutely nothing and as much as I wanted to, I knew Cass wouldn’t recover from the ego hit he would take if I acted like I knew I could beat him with my bare hands; even if that was the plan. She tilted her head before humming as well, “What exactly did you learn out there?”
I just smiled, “I can show you better than I can tell you.” I winking before turning away from her, facing the ring to show that I was ready. I heard a whoop sound come from my friend as she made her way over to join the rest of the peanut gallery.
Cassian had chosen twin broad swords, something that would look comical in the hands of a human looked normal with the giant fae. Az had nothing in his hands but there were multiple daggers lining his pants, still no shirt. I would make sure he regretted that.
“Alright,” Rhys said bringing attention to himself “no need for idle chatter or pointless speeches, begin!”
And with that I stepped completely into the ring, focus trained on the warriors in front of me as the rest of the world disappeared. I couldn’t stop the dangerous smirk that snuck onto my lips, “Let’s dance.”
A/n: don’t hate me!!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to update. I was waking up at 12 then working from 3-11 and crashing when I got home. I work on a crisis unit so that shit is madddd draining, emotionally and physically. I felt like I had nothing left to put into my writing :/ but I finally switched to 3rd shift and for nearly my entire shift I don’t have to do anything but be there so I can write at work and I have more of my day open to relax and recharge. I’m sorry I had to split this into 3 parts but this just got so long and if I would’ve kept writing it would’ve straight up been a book. But I promise part 3 will not take as long to come out. Maybe not this weekend but soon! Anyways if you made it this far I LOVE YOU, thank you so much for giving me and my stories your time :)
Masterlist
#acotar#acomaf#acosf#acowar#azriel#acotar azriel#azriel fic#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x yn#azriel fanfiction#azriel x reader#azriel spymaster#acofas#azriel fanfic#azriel one shot#acotar fanfic
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beomgyu nsfw alphabet
cw: lots of afab!reader but no gender stated
a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
likely u will have to give him aftercare, appraisals and reassurance along w lots of physical touch but he'll give that all right back!!!!! tell u how much he loved it; loves u <3
b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
on him and his partner i think his and ur hands!!!!!! hand kinks rise!
loves how big his hands are compared to urs, but how easily u can overpower him hehehehe ʕ •ᴥ• ʔ loves watching his own pretty fingers disappearing when he fucks them into u, watching how just the curl of his fingers can make u throw ur head back breathlessly; murmurs of how good he's doing falling from ur mouth :3c
loves watching your hands when u touch him any and everywhere— but he especially loves ur fingers curled around his cock, jerking him off <3
c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
loves to cum on ur tummy the most methinks or sometimes his own when either ur riding him or no penetrative sex is involved at all :p loves it MOST when u drag ur fingers thru the mess and feed it to him; how humiliating
d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
definitely gets off on ur scent sometimes and humps ur pillows when ur not home. he poses it like he's just very on top of keeping all ur linen freshly washed! but u know better— but he doesn't have to know u know !
e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
not at all—anything he knows is from porn. has some idea of what he's meant to be doing but he's dumbed out before u can even properly start so ur definitely going to have to help him out and guide him through it gently
f = favourite position (this goes without saying)
in general, any position that lets him see ur face, not only so he knows what brings u the most pleasure based on ur change in expression but because ur just soooooooo pretty and he really needs to kiss u all the time <3 however when he's particularly needy, i can imagine he'd love doggy the most, chest pressed to ur back as he ruts into u like he's in heat, no real rhythm to his hips all that matters is having u close w as little space as possible >_>
g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
pretty serious but only because all that's in his little puppy head is 'please please please' sometimes though there's giggly days, just soft intimate moments with no real dynamics or anything close, just laughter and pleasure hehe
h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
keeps himself well groomed but doesn't really care that much, doesn't make much of a difference to him so it's not the neatest or anything. also do y'all remember those pics tho where he had a teeny lil stubble >_> imagine that on ur thighs when he— [TRAIN PASSES BY]
i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
veryyyy romantic; always holding ur hands, brushing ur hair from ur face to make sure he can see u properly, spouting 'i love you' almost every 30 seconds— the whole shebang sex is another form of love to him
j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)
jerks off a lot if he's not with u or ur simply not in the mood; or even when u just want to watch him get off for u he's so down for that too (づ￣ ³￣)づ doesn't feel as good as if it were u but he loves making himself feel good nonetheless!!! especially if u watch
k = kink (one or more of their kinks)
what kink wouldn't he have at this point ,,,,, somno one of his biggest ones, followed right by pet play. play into the maltese puppy thing more beomgyu it doesn't look suspicious at all (also rough him up he'd like that)
l = location (favorite places to do the do)
probably just in the bedroom, but if there's somewhere not too risky u want to try he'd probably be willing!! i can definitely see him loving u teasing him anywhere and everywhere though— hands on his upper thighs under the table, breaths on his neck and ears, dirty words only he can hear—just not the sexual acts themselves anywhere people will actually see ;p
m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
anytime u take initiative or become possessive and/or bossy. almost like a pavlovian response when u get a little snappy or commanding, even if its not towards him— immediately squirming and pressing his thighs together and praying for his cock to stop aching over such silly trivial things. u wanna take ur frustrations out? he's waiting!
n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
again nothing to cause him or u serious harm, but probably not too many hard limits. he does prefer when ur nicer to him, bossy but nice. hit him around all u want but make sure he knows he's a good boy for it (⌒ω⌒)ﾉ
o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
he would prefer giving but he's never EVER opposed to receiving. u could probably be the worst at giving head but this boy's thighs will be shaking like his soul is about to leave his body and he'll be pleading to cum in ur mouth. will only let u go down on him if he's gone down on u first too, which does come to a little problem when he's already cum from humping the bed while he moans into ur cunt but hey! such an eager thing he's ready to go again so quickly so don't sweat it too much <3
p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
he's fast and rough bc he becomes so dumb and pathetic, completely drunk off pleasure, so u'll have to force him to slow down. if u even want to that is ;p
q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
hes sensitive enough that every time u guys have sex its probably by definition a quickie but he can go enough rounds u probably wouldn't actually consider them so.... so love them i guess?
r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
yes absolutely he trusts u so much and he's loved everything u've had to show him abt sex so he's open minded to a lot when it comes to u hehehe!!! even if he doesn't end up liking it, he feels safe trying at least once w u and telling u when it comes down to it that he doesn't want to do that anymore. bare minimum but important!!!!!!!!
s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
doesn't last very long but can go several rounds(⌒ω⌒)ﾉ will go for as long as u want him to in all honesty, no matter how tired he gets what a good boy
t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
vibrators, puppy ears and tails, collars, harnesses for when he gets pegged and maybe gags even; all to use on him <3
u = unfair (how much they like to tease)
he doesn't tease u at all, fleeting touches maybe but just to rile u up just a little— he's not really looking to get punished. however!!!!!! as much as he whines, he loves u teasing him.
v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
tries to be quiet, he really does, but he's so sensitive it's just hard!!!!!!!! low moans, husky w his deep voice but sometimes he sounds like he's outright sobbing and his breath catches on a pretty little hiccup </3
w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
really into the idea of u bending him over ur knee one day and spanking him til he cries but isn't sure how to say it; starts to lean into acting out if it means he'll get what he wants eventually ┐('～`;)┌
x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
BIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is BIG :3c but doesn't know how to use it—at least not at first anyway. just ruts and humps with no proper rhythm until u pull his hair through ur fingers and tell him how to fuck u properly
y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
really high. like puppy in rut high. grinds into u and cums in his sleep kind of horny levels. sedate this guy!
z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
he falls asleep pretty fast because he practically becomes a puddle in ur arms when u cuddle him after the fact. ur hands in his hair, caressing gently over all the marks u've left on him, gently kissing the crown of his head— he's off to dreamland, but he's so warm and practically purring in ur arms w how he hums happily that it's easy to follow him there!!!! <3
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When I Say Run 1
Warnings: dark elements, such as chasing and kidnapping.
Note: I do appreciate all your feedback if you read this. I will hopefully have the next few part done soon. I don't intend this to be very much more than three or so parts.
Inspired by @navybrat817's Monday Thot
You've seen the man before. Often the market is overcrowded enough that you rarely see the same face twice, but you recognize him at once. His deep blue eyes are hard to forget along with the grim shadow cast over his unaltered and unamused expression. You know him because he always seems to know you.
More than once, you caught him watching you. At first, you convinced yourself he was looking past you, or through you, as it felt. But he doesn't look away that day, you do.
You move to the next stall to examine some figs. You realise why you really noticed him. He doesn't belong. What it seems, by his fraying ball cap and canvas jacket, is that he is hiding from someone.
The more you think about him, the more uneasy you are. How is it that you see him every time you come to the market? You come early and he is there, late and he is there. The coincidence feels too canny to be believed.
Still, you aren’t convinced it is more than that. You get carried away and make up ridiculous hypotheticals in your mind. There are many who come to the market every weekend. You probably run into a dozen people over and over and never even realise it. Why then, does he stick out in your mind?
You grab a carton of cherries and a couple of peaches. You pay and take your change, brushing against someone as you pull your hand back. You feel something fall on your foot and kneel down to help gather the dropped plums. The man’s gloved fingers touch the bruises on the skin and you hold back a gasp as you look him in the face.
“Sorry,” you utter as you hand him a dark plum, “I didn’t see you there.”
You stand as he takes the fruit and slip your own into your cloth bag. You sling it over your shoulder as he assures you it's fine but you don’t wait for a conversation. You hadn’t even noticed him get that close. Before, he was well across the plaza with a horde between you. That he moved that fast, so seamlessly is eerie.
You enter a tent a few stalls down and pretend to admire the patterned china of a teapot. There is a putrid taste in your mouth, the rotten flavour of paranoia on your dry tongue. You check the tag on the pot and leave without purchase.
You look around as you emerge back into the late morning sun, the heat of the crowd adding to the sheen of sweat over your brow. You clear your throat as you don’t see the man and keep your head down as you resign yourself to your light haul. You will feel better once you got home.
You weave through the swarm to the edge of the market and dip down the side street as the hum of voices fades behind you. Your apartment is a few blocks down, nestled above a bookstore cafe. It's s humble and affordable, but you can’t complain.
You pull out your change purse as you near the shop but as you reach the front door, it swings open before you can reach for it. It’s him. Again. The leather gloves, the vibrant irises, the dark shanks of hair that frame his squared jaw. He is striking in more ways than one.
You thank him as he holds the door and enter the small shop. You’re nervous. You can get your coffee and wait him out. You don’t want to lead him back to your apartment just above. Or you could lead him on a chase through the city until you lose him and circle back. Your mind races as you try to convince yourself you’re overreacting but you just can’t.
You order your cinnamon blend but the man once more curtails you. He hold a bill out to the cashier and grits for her to keep the change.
“Sir, you don’t have to--”
“I’d like to buy you a coffee,” he insists as he waves the bill at the cashier, “want something sweet to go with it?”
His accent is subtle. He doesn’t speak your language naturally but he does it well. You shake your head and step away from the till. He follows you to the corner where you await your order.
“You can have the coffee,” you say, “I’m not interested.”
“Why not?” he asks. His bluntness makes you squirm.
“I have a boyfriend,” you lie as you rub your neck, “here--”
You unclasped your coin purse and he stops you, squeezing your hand until the clasp clicks shut. “No, you don’t,” he says, “it’s my treat.”
“I don’t want it,” you recoil from him and repeat, “I’m not interested.”
You make to brush by him and he catches your arm, “why not?”
“Because,” you jerk away from him, “why are you following me?”
“Following you?” he scoffs, “you feel special, don’t you?”
“No, I told you, I have a boyfriend.”
“You know, when you lie,” he says, “I can see it…” he hovers his finger along your throat, “right there. Your pulse picks up.”
You push his hand away and sidle past him. You’re shaking as you hurry to the door and look back. He watches you but stays where he is. Your order is called and he turns to grab it. You leave under the chime of the door and peer up and down the street.
You go to the left, heading for the market to hide among the sea of people. It will give you time to figure out what to do next. The station is on the other side of the plaza, you could probably get there without much trouble. That will scare him away.
Your footsteps echo around you like a movie scene. You grip your bag on your shoulder and stop short as a figure appears from the alleyway. You can hear the market just ahead of you, just one corner away.
“You forgot your coffee,” the man says as he blocks your path, “don’t you know that it’s rude to refuse a gift?”
You swallow and back away, speechless. You glanc around. How did he move so fast? You spin on your heel and walk in the other direction. You listen for him behind you but when you dare to peek over your shoulder, he is gone.
You quiver and hook around the next corner, hoping to loop to the west entrance of the market. He’s there too. He tilts his head as he grins and tosses the coffee so it spills down the brick wall. You retreat away from the splash and blink at him dumbly. The street is mostly empty but you hear someone else.
You spin back and fight not to break into a sprint. That time, you don’t look back. You head back along the same way you came but turn down another street before you get to the alley. A metal rattle sounds from overhead as a blur drops down in front you from the rickety fire escape above. The man fixes his hat and chuckles.
“I think you should start running,” he taunts.
You nearly trip over your heels as you rear back. Fear bubbles in your chest and you fall into a run, spurred by his ominous timbre. The bag bounces against your side as you squeeze your change purse in your other hand, feet hitting the old brick road heavy and hard. You stumble as you glance back but find no pursuit.
You slow as your chest burns and stop to catch your breath. It take a moment to get your bearings. You bend over and gulp. You straighten up and face the street behind you, searching for the man in the grey jacket. There is only a couple holding hands and a group of young boys giggling as they kick around a beaten football.
You look up along the rooves of the buildings and the balconies. You don’t see anything. You shake your head and puff. Fucking creep. Probably just wanted to scare you.
You don’t go back to your apartment right away. You’re too agitated for that. You can’t help but look around every few steps and peek down every alley and street before you pass. It’s a good forty minutes before you realise you're lost. You never come to this part of town.
You swear under your breath and cringe. You should have gone to the precinct like you planned. You were so panicked you didn’t think. You were more focused on getting away than getting safe.
You drop your change purse into your jumbled bag of cherries and peaches. You reach into your pocket and your heart drops. You search both pockets. Your phone must have fallen out when you were running.
You resign yourself to a listless trail back home through the urban maze. You could figure it out, there has to be a map around here somewhere. You are sure you just passed one a moment ago.
You start down the street and mourn the loss of your phone. That would take a while to replace with your lousy wages. Fuck. Why didn’t you buy the warranty?
The roar of a motorcycle cuts through the din of the city streets and echoes all around you. You ignore it and follow the sidewalk as you squint at the street signs above. You try to find something familiar, something to find your way.
Suddenly you're taken off your feet, a crushing grip knots the back of your shirt as you're hurtled forward. You scream as the brickwork hazes beneath you and suddenly the engine revs and you’re turned sharply with its motion. You float just above the ground, dangling from your shirt.
You looked up in confusion, the strength of the man holding you with one arm sends ice through your veins. The twinkling eyes, the angle of his jaw, and the slight curve of his lips makes you wince. He thrusts you closer and bends you over the front of the motorcycle so that you're trapped between him and the tank.
“Better tuck those feet in,” he warns as you're folded over the metal on your stomach, “I told you to run.”
He veers suddenly and the momentum pushes you against him as you clung to the bike, wind whipping your face as it hovers before the dingy pipes of the bike. It feels as if you’ll fly off at any second. You reach to grasp onto the man's jacket as you clench every muscle of your body to keep from slipping.
The engine rips through the air as your head spins. You have a choice; fall off and die or hang on and live.
#bucky barnes#dark bucky barnes#dark!bucky barnes#drabble#series#captain america#winter soldier#avengers#mcu#marvel#bucky barnes x reader
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You Are the Difference
(Read on AO3)
(Written for @911actions, prompted by @daughterofscotland : What if Buck is Tommy's first serious boyfriend?)
Buck isn’t ashamed of being bisexual. He’s not. But not being ashamed and being 100% comfortable in public are two entirely different things. He’s seen the way people look at them when he’s out with Tommy. It isn’t everyone, it isn’t even every time they go out, but it does happen. It happens enough that Buck finds himself glancing around when he’s on a date with Tommy, clocking every person around them who shows any signs of being a potential problem.
Buck’s explained that he isn’t embarrassed, that he just feels better being aware, and Tommy’s accepted that much. It doesn’t stop Buck from holding his hand while they walk down the street, or giving him a quick kiss before they leave the restaurant, or leaning into the arm Tommy has wrapped around his waist while they wait in line for popcorn at the movies.
Tommy watches him do it, but he’s stopped commenting on it the way he used to. Instead of trying to reassure Buck he simply allows Buck to go through the motions that make him feel a little more comfortable. Tommy doesn’t seem to mind… but it’s something Buck overthinks every time he does it, especially after watching the way Tommy doesn’t seem to notice or react to any of it. Tommy only seems to notice Buck noticing.
“Does it get easier?” Buck asks one day, after clocking a serious side-eye from a woman in line behind them at the coffee shop. There’s so much happening around them, music being piped in through speakers, orders being called, the hiss of the espresso machine’s steamer, the chatter of other customers… but Buck can’t help but focus on the one thing he wishes he wouldn’t.
“Does what get easier?” Tommy asks, taking a sip of his latte. They’re sitting down at a table in the corner, and Buck glances past Tommy to the bustling cafe behind him. He debates not bringing it up at all, changing the subject to something else before he’s stuck admitting to more things that are probably just piling up until Tommy decides he’s had enough of Buck.
Still, Buck’s tried to be nothing but honest in this relationship, and it’s working out so far. Why stop now?
“Putting up with people being awful just because you exist,” Buck clarifies. “I mean, you’ve been doing this a lot longer than I have. How long did it take you to get used to it?”
Tommy considers the question for longer than Buck anticipates, to the point that Buck almost does change the subject.
“I don’t know,” Tommy says finally.
“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Buck asks, brows furrowed.
“I mean,” Tommy starts, hesitating before pushing forward. “I don’t know. I haven’t really dated before. Not seriously, at least.” The admission comes slowly, like Tommy’s debating taking the words back even as he says them. He doesn’t, though, and in the face of Buck’s surprised silence Tommy continues. “I usually just go out to bars before a hookup. Maybe a coffee date or two. But I haven’t been with anyone I liked enough to see more than a few times.” Tommy flushes slightly, looking back up into Buck’s eyes when he adds, “Before you, obviously.”
The silence that falls between them has a weight to it now. This shared first is so big that Buck’s afraid he might actually shed a tear over the wave of feelings he experiences at the realization, blindsided by a truth he never would’ve guessed on his own.
Buck doesn’t know what to say. He’s stunned, unable to fully process everything that Tommy just told him. All this time, Buck’s assumed that Tommy was so much more experienced at all of this… this dating other guys stuff. Of course Tommy would have years to practice being cool and collected in the public eye, because why wouldn’t he? Tommy is… well, amazing. He’s hot, and kind, and funny, and the idea that he’s been single for the entirety of the time he’s been out just feels… wrong.
“I’m your first boyfriend?” Buck asks incredulously. His eyes are wide, unable to hide a single ounce of his surprise.
“Yeah,” Tommy confirms. “Is that a problem?”
Tommy’s tone isn’t accusing or even challenging… there’s a vulnerability there, and just the slightest hint of worry. Buck could laugh - if it didn’t feel so wildly appropriate for the moment they’re having - over the idea that Tommy thinks there’s a universe in which Buck would be scared off by something like that.
“No, no, uh, of course not,” Buck reassures him. “It’s just… I mean, you’re so many firsts for me, and I just figured…” Buck trails off with a soft, fond smile crossing his features. “I never thought I’d get to be a first for you, too.” Buck shifts in his seat, his coffee forgotten in front of him. “How has this never come up before now?” It’s been weeks now. Months. Months of Buck thinking that this is just the life Tommy’s used to living, and that he’s the only one feeling out of his element here.
“You never asked,” Tommy says simply.
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly keen to go into all of, uh, this comparing myself to your exes,” Buck admits. “It felt safer not to ask.”
“Evan,” Tommy says, his tone so caring, so soft, that Buck nearly melts back into his seat from where he’d been growing more tense and alert with every word, quick to try and hop on the defensive.
“Sorry,” Buck’s quick to apologize.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Tommy says. “But you should know that I’m not comparing you to anyone. Who you are, what we have? It’s… special. It’s different from anything I’ve had before.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Buck agrees, smiling easier now. “I guess I just assumed I was just another boyfriend for you.”
“You’re not ‘just another’ anything, Evan. You’re important to me. Our relationship is important to me. I hope you know that.”
Lately Buck’s been worried whether he’s moving too fast or too slow, if he’s doing this dating thing all wrong in regards to Tommy. It turns out there is no ‘right’ way. There’s nothing Tommy’s used to that Buck might be messing up or not doing, nothing Tommy’s expecting.
Tommy chose Buck because, well, because he’s Buck, and that’s all he needs to be.
“So, you think I’m special?” Buck asks, a smirk slowly pulling up the corners of his lips.
“Oh my god,” Tommy says, a fond exasperation filling his tone. “I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?” “I hope not,” Buck says.
He hopes that there’s nothing but time for the two of them. Closing his eyes Buck imagines a future of other firsts - going on vacations together, moving in together, proposals and marriage and maybe even a kid or two. He imagines years, decades, a lifetime, with Tommy, and it feels good. It feels right.
“I plan to bring this up forever.”
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Luke was too rough
Her hands grip the sheets beside her desperately looking for an anchor to earth. Luke has her legs spread as far as they can to fit himself between them trusting hard and deep “Feel that baby?” he asked as he pushed on her lower stomach causing her head to roll back as well as her eyes “That is me mh fucking you so deep.'' They haven't seen each other in a week with him going to see his friends and y/n visiting her family and it has only made everything more intense and rough just like it always is when they are away from each other.
Until Luke thrusts a too-deep hitting her cervix “Luke stop stop stop!” she squeals out pushing on his lower stomach to get him to stop before turning over onto her stomach with her knees to her chest “What happened baby did I hurt you?” Luke is panicked. It all happened so fast y/n couldn't do anything but nod her head face still on the mattress.
“I'm so sorry, how can I make it better?” she shook her head not being able to talk yet, and grabbed his hand. She sat there for 5 minutes before she could talk without it hurting. Luke was getting really worried “Do we need to go to the hospital?” trying to catch her breath “Just- went too deep Lu that's all I'm okay,” she said gently turning on her back to look at him
“It's not ok I hurt you I'm so sorry.” he sounded mad like he found out some guys pushed you or something but the anger was directed at himself “I'm ok now Luke it's fine.” he shook his head before pulling on some sweats and walking into the bathroom for a rag to clean her up.
“Luke.” he doesn't look at her just continues to clean between her legs so she grabs his wrist stopping him “Look at me Luke.” he does and she sees the look of guilt on his face “I'm okay You have always been big we just got carried away you don't need to worry about me.” he lets out a deep breath “I am worried about you and I feel like a piece of shit for hurting you It won't happen again.”
He said the last part more to himself to y/n “I want you to see a doctor just to make sure everything is okay.” y/n pulled him to lay next to her so she could cuddle up to him “ I will call them tomorrow please don't beat yourself up about this Luke.” he drew patterns on her back staring into space “ I won't I promise.” and he was lying through his teeth.
The next day y/n woke up very sore with some lower back pain and had breakfast in bed from her still very guilty boyfriend. After breakfast, she gave her ob a call just to see what she had to say. After her call, Luke hounded her about everything she was told: “She said that it happens to women everywhere all the time and to not do any sexual activities until it heals.” Luke looked happy enough with those answers and she thought they would move past this whole ordeal.
She was wrong, it had been two weeks since they last had sex and Luke hadn't so much as cuddled with her for more than five minutes at a time he barely touched her, and every time they kissed she initiated it. When she sat on his lap to watch a movie with him she could feel him tense up “Luke you know you can touch me right?” He looked at her like she was crazy. “Of course I know I can touch You just pulled me from my train of thought is all.”
They were about 30 minutes in when Y/n started kissing his neck she started small and worked her way up getting more and more confident especially when he let a groan slip “Baby we are getting to the good part.” y/n didn't stop her kisses just turned his head to plant one on his lips he tense before giving in and kissing her back. It got pretty heated and y/n moved to be sitting straight up on his lap and tugging at the bottom of his shirt.
That pulled him from his love-drunk daise “Stop trying to get undressed we aren't having sex.” he said it so straightforwardly that it took her by surprise. “Um, right, sorry, I thought we had something going there that is my fault for assuming that boyfriends and girlfriends have sex or can stand to be around each other at all,” she said with tears in her eyes before getting up to go to their room “y/n wait. I didn't mean it like that." She ignored him and ran up the stairs. She wasn't normally this emotional but then again Luke had never denied her of anything.
Luke had no idea what to do of course he wanted to have sex that wasn't the issue he just couldn't do it if it was going to hurt you and he promised he would never do that. After letting her cool off for a while he knocked on their door before letting himself in. “ go away” she had been crying and that broke his heart “ I just want to talk about it. I love you and I don't want to see you cry.” y/n sat up and looked at his dead in the eyes “ then leave.” and flopping back down on the bed.
She knew she was being childish but she was upset and pent-up “Just listen to what I have to say please. when I saw you in pain knowing that I caused it I didn't know what to do with myself and I never wanted to cause you pain ever again. I'm sorry I was scared and upset that I hurt you and I hurt you again by not giving you the attention you deserve.” y/n sat up and pulled him into a hug “ I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty. It's just that we already have so little time to be together during the session I got into my head and we both work well with clear communication so we should stick to that next time we are feeling some type of way.”
“ I completely agree and just so you know whenever you are ready to finish what we started downstairs I am totally up for that.” y/n tackled him to the bed before he could say anything else
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little flower - dad haechan scenario
hellloooo, it's a bit late for Haechan day but better late than never😊 a quick fluff moment with our fullsun and his lily girl. hope you like it!!
pt. 1 - Lee and Lily
pt. 2 - bigger that the whole sky
pt. 3 - lily and chocobi
if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌
For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.
All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.
(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)
Between you and your husband, he tends to be the one who overreact. Especially where you're concerned. You thought he's overprotective over you already but he managed to succeed himself when you found out you're expecting.
It doesn't bother you though, you're used to your golden retriever husband's antics. When he's home, he has to be in the same room as you. When he's at work he would text you or call when he's available to make sure you're okay at home.
You've been adviced by your doctor to avoid any stress and strenuous activities. You and Haechan had a long serious talk after that doctor's appointment, you both were working at that time and he didn't want to stop you living your life. But as your husband, he wants to make sure you and the baby is safe so he asked if you could stay at home just how the doctor adviced. You understand where he's coming from, so you agreed. You wanted your baby to be safe.
And now 39 weeks laters, you feel like you're as large as a balloon. Most of the times waddling around the house clad in your husband's clothes since that's the only thing that fits you at this point.
Haechan loves it. He loves watching you grow each week. To his eyes you are the most radiant woman he's ever laid his eyes on. And the fact that you're growing his baby just makes him fall even more in love with you.
Not a day passes by without him reminding you of how thankful he is of you and how much he loves you and your little human.
"She's being dramatic, like you" you tell him one night while he watches her little foot kick against the inside of your belly, revealing a tiny imprint on your tummy.
Haechan caresses your belly gently. his hand against your skin feeling her kicks from inside you. "Still can't believe she's in there, moving and all that"
"Soon she'll be here, kicking you too" you joke
"I would gladly be her own personal punching bag or kick board or whatever she needs me to be"
You smile at that, you just know he's going to be the best dad to her.
"You do that, i think my insides are done being her practice tools. I can feel her other foot against my lung"
"Does it hurt? What do you need? You need to sit up?"
"I'm okay, just a bit short of breath. She'll move around eventually, probably later she'll sit on my bladder again then I'd have to pee every freaking second again"
Haechan kisses your belly a few more times before sooching up the bed to lay against the headboard beside you
"We have dinner at my parent's tomorrow, do you want to stay the night there or drive home after?"
It's his birthday tomorrow so his mom invited you over for dinner, since you're due any day now Haechan decided not to do anything grand. He didn't want you to get tired or stressed over planning his birthday.
"We can stay, won't it be too late if we drive back? You'll be tired bub"
"I'm good, it's just driving but sure if you want to stay the night. She won't come out tomorrow wouldn't she?" He jokes.
Your husband might as well have a foresight because the next day during dinner with his family, you started to feel your belly contract. At first you didn't think too much of it but as the night progressed, you're starting to think of the possibility you're having contractions right now.
For a while you didn't tell anyone, you didn't want to take the day away from Haechan. It's his day after all.
During dinner, just as Haechan's mom about to serve dessert you felt something warm. You look over at Haechan, grabbing his arm catching his attention
"Either I peed or my water just broke"
"What?"
"Yep, I think my water just broke"
"Y/N's water just broke" Haechan just said catching everyone's attention then everyone was on their feet. Haechan on your right while his mom stands on your left, guiding you to stand up
"Honey, can you get towels from the bathroom. And a change of clothes. I think your brother has some in his old room. Do you need anything else" his mom asks you calmly
"The stuff, I mean the baby's stuff" you tell her
"It's already packed but we left it at home. I only have the carseat right now" Haechan adds
"Your dad will go get everything, go to the hospital first. Do you want to come?" she asks you, her mother instincts kicking in. Right now all of the attention is on you.
"Will you?" you ask, she smiles warmly at you holding your arm tightly but in a comforting way "Of course, dear. Hyuck, go start the car"
The drive was less hectic, all thanks to Haechan's mom. She kept on telling you comforting words all the way to the hospital, you got settled in and now the waiting game begins.
You got there just in time, the doctor checked and asked if you wanted to get epidural which you said yes to. Your pain tolerance goes as high as 2. You cry whenever your headache gets too bad, you can't imagine delivering a baby all natural. Kudos to those who do but that's not you.
"You need anything?" Haechan asks, brushing the hair away from your face. Ever since you arrived here, he hasn't left your side. He only lets go of your hand when the doctor or nurses need to check on you
"Ice chips?"
"I'll go get more" Haechan's mom volunteers, walking out the room to get your request
"Sorry we can't finish your birthday dinner" you tell your husband
Haechan shakes his head, smiling down at you "This is better than any party. How cool would it be if she's born today? We'd have the same birthday"
"Your daughter isn't even here yet and she's already so much like you. Announcing her entrance to the world like this" you chuckled
Hearing the words 'your daughter' does something to him, like a blanket of warmth wrapping all over him. He hasn't even met her yet and he's already so so so in love with your baby girl.
"I can't wait to meet her, we'll have her here in a few hours"
"Are you excited?" you ask him
"Of course, I'm never putting her down. She's gonna stay in my arms forever"
"Silly"
"I'm not kidding. You got a headstart, I'm gonna make sure I'm her favorite" he says with a determined look on his face, you don't even try to argue back
"You're my favorite" you mumble
He just looks at you for a while, admiring you. He leans down, kissing you on the forehead. "I love you so so much. I know you're about to hate me once you start pushing but it's okay" he jokes
And he, once again, was right. You felt bad, cursing him out as you push his baby out of you while his mother heard every word. "It's okay, dear. Don't worry about it, I know how it feels"
"I don't really like you right now" you mumbled, taking a break from pushing
"You liked me enough to carry my baby" he replies
"Shut up"
A few more pushes before you hear her cries fill the room, the nurses lay her on your chest while Haechan stands right beside you
"Oh my gosh, she's here. She's so cute" you hear the nurses mumble, Haechan's mom capturing the moment from the sideline
Meanwhile Haechan stands frozen, looking at the little human in your arms
"What are you doing over there? Come here" you ask him, Haechan scoots closer, holding his pinky finger out to your baby girl which she holds with her tiny hands.
Haechan lets out a sob, not able to contain it.
"It's okay, she's the worth the tears Hyuck" you tell him. Your free hand caress his now tear stained cheeks
"Hey baby girl, happy birthday" he mumbles, still looking at her
"You wanna hold her?"
"I don't know how"
"Yeah well you gotta start learning, daddy. Here, hold her" you say, ever so carefully Haechan takes her from you. His mom stands behind him to take a peak
"She has your nose" she tells him
"She does, doesn't she" you say with a tired smile
"Hi baby, it's me. I'm your dad. You recognize my voice right? I sing to you every night and tell you stories" he tells her like she understands his words
After a few more minutes with her, a nurse takes her from Haechan to check up on her. He takes this time to check on you,
"She's perfect. Thank you" he tells you
"Thank me? You made her too" you joke, he smiles at you then kisses you sweetly
"Happy birthday, Donghyuck. What shall we name our little girl?"
"Nari, like the little Lily flower"
You smile at his explanation, "Your little flower, our little flower. I love it. Happy birthday Hyuck and Nari, I love you both so so much"
"Best birthday ever"
#story#fic#fanfic#nct fanfic#nct imagine#nct scenario#nct fluff#nct au#nct haechan#haechan imagine#haechan scenario#haechan au#haechan fluff
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🔥
We should have gotten Kagha and not Halsin as the druid companion from Act 1. In the short time that she is in the game, Kagha is a far more interesting character than Halsin is. She is also someone who can either be made better or made worse and would balance out the number of companions with malleable alignments. Kagha would also be a fantastic character who would constantly challenge and question the player character's decisions as she already does this while in the grove.
I'm not saying Halsin shouldn't be in the game, I'm just saying Halsin is wasted potential being a companion and would have better served as an NPC. Especially since his entire storyline involving Isobel was cut which was a massive L on Larian's part.
In fact, I truly think that if Kagha was a companion, her helping Halsin in Act 2 with the Shadow Curse would serve as a fantastic moment for her to truly atone for her actions in the grove. I also think it would be pretty neat to see how Kagha would have reacted to Arabella now having new magic thanks to her proximity to the idol of Silvanus. I think it would be fascinating to see how she'd interact with all the tieflings in Act 2 and 3. I sometimes try to tell myself that Minthara has no reactions with them cause the tieflings don't actually know it was her specifically who was trying to raid the grove and she doesn't know any of them. But the tieflings and Kagha do know each other and they all know what Kagha tried to do. Her entire redemption arc could be saving the tieflings at every avenue, cause they always need to be saved!
And, my god, don't even get me started on the interactions between Kagha and Minthara. You would end up having two companions who wanted to kill the tieflings, but for vastly different reasons, and neither of them having any remorse for it! I would love to watch how that conversation would play out between the both of them. Especially since Kagha already has a pretty positive opinion of drow and their methods. She would probably be the least judgemental of Minthara and would be the most accepting of who she is. I can genuinely see Kagha and Minthara becoming really close friends and that would be very concerning.
Dammit, now I'm over here brainstorming exactly how Kagha as a companion would actually work on a technical level depending on the choices you make in the grove...
Also, I really want to kiss Kagha.
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#kagha#halsin#minthara#minthara baenre#i mean this as no offense to the halsin enjoyers#but a lot of halsins personality was cut down just so that he could be a companion and was shoved in at the last second#if he was allowed to be an NPC#he could have played a much bigger role in Act 1 and Act 2#also halsin 100% should have been meaner and banished Kagha from the grove#his argument is that she needs to relearn the ways of nature and harmony as a novice anew#what better way for her to learn than to travel the world#but again she could also be made so much worse and would have a phenomenal evil arc
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crawls in covered in blood
Harper 19 👀?
doctor's orders - m!harper x gn!pc
tags/warnings: 19. kidnapping, drugging, dubcon, medical kink, reader's genitalia left ambiguous
word count: 1810
note: wow....i hope THE harperfucker enjoys this...
“Mhm. And how has your mood been lately?”
You shifted slightly in your chair, sitting on your hands. Dr. Harper was a strange one. He was something of a therapist and psychiatrist. But he also treated injuries, and you had heard he’d even done gynecology work, so you still weren’t entirely sure what kind of doctor he even was. But the pills he prescribed worked well, so you came every Friday to see him.
“Um,” you hedged a bit, but Harper’s encouraging smile urged you forward. “I mean, it’s not great. You know? Things kinda…suck.”
Harper nodded as you spoke, looking the perfect image of a doctor as he jotted down something on his notepad.
“So I guess I’ve just been kind of…down. If that makes sense?” You offered.
Harper nodded again. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Huh?” You hadn’t expected that. Harper offered you a warm smile.
“I’m experimenting with more herbal remedies,” he explained. “I’ve purchased some tea leaves that claim to help with feelings of depression and anxiety. I thought you might like to try some. I know you like the pills, so this would just be a supplement of sorts. It may help lift your mood, even just a bit.”
Something made you feel a little uneasy. But your doctor had never steered you wrong before. And it was just a cup of herbal tea. What’s the worst thing that could happen? It would taste bad?
So, you nodded. “Sure. Thanks.”
Harper gave you another smile and stood up, busying himself with an electric kettle in the corner of the room. You watched idly from your seat. Maybe a warm cup of tea would be exactly what you needed.
Several minutes later, Harper handed you a steaming mug. An herbal smell of chamomile, lavender, and something else you didn’t recognize wafted towards you. “If you like it, I’ll send it home with you along with your meds.”
You thanked the doctor and took a sip. It was warm with a mildly sweet taste. “It’s good,” you said, going back in for another sip.
“I’m glad you like it,” Harper said.
At the very least, a warm drink would make you feel better temporarily. The doctor made idle chitchat with you as you continued drinking. By the time you had emptied the mug, though, your head was feeling a little fuzzy.
“Are you alright?” Harper asked, only seeming mildly concerned. “The herb blend does have a relaxing effect. It may be that it’s making you tired.
“Mm…yeah…” you rubbed your eyes, suddenly feeling groggy. “Haven’t been sleeping well lately…”
“Don’t worry,” Harper was leaning forward in his chair, almost in anticipation. “Close your eyes. My next appointment isn’t for a while. You can sleep here for a bit, no worries.”
“‘Kay,” you murmured, your eyes shutting of their own accord. “Just a lil bit…”
You were out like a light.
When you came to, you had no idea where you were.
It didn’t feel like you were still in the hospital, though it still seemed like a doctor’s office of sorts. But the light was harsh and artificial, and you got the feeling this room wasn’t used too often.
Also, your arms were bound to the bed, which wasn’t great.
“Mm?” You were still quite groggy, so actual words didn’t come out of your mouth. You suddenly became aware of a figure looming over you, smiling. “D-doctor…?”
Harper undid your arm bindings, inviting you to sit up. “Sorry for that! I didn’t want you to move around or get violent in your sleep. The…tea effects are a little unpredictable.”
You rubbed at your sore wrists - how long had you been like this? - as you took in the surroundings. “Where did you take me?”
Harper rolled a chair next to the bed, stroking your hair in a rather unprofessional manner. “This is my private office. You need a more intensive therapy.”
You blinked. “I do?”
Harper nodded. “Yes. Your depression and anxiety is rather treatment resistant. I want to try some different things with you to help you get better,” he slid his hands to hold yours. They were cold and smooth. “Doesn’t that sound good?”
There was something wrong. Something was off. But your brain felt so, so fuzzy. “Yeah…that sounds nice.”
Harper beamed and clapped his hands together. “Excellent! Now, let’s begin,” he pulled his notepad out and studied it closely. “You say you’ve experienced rape and sexual assault. Is this right?”
You shifted uncomfortably. “Uh…yeah.”
He nodded again and checked something off on the notepad. “Good. Then we are going to have sex.”
“What?!” Your ears were ringing. Did he just say that?
Harper set down the notepad and looked closely at you. “You say the assaults cause you trauma. Correct? I can show you how sex can be pleasurable and it will sort of rewire your brain.” He smiled placidly at you. “Don’t worry, you can trust me.”
It was weird. Something felt off. But…you trusted him. So you found yourself agreeing.
“Good!” Harper smiled warmly at you, standing up in front of you. Despite the smile, there was something oddly intimidating about him. But he was a doctor, and you weren’t. So it was probably okay. Right?
The doctor sat next to you on the bed, moving closer then he’d ever been. “The first step is foreplay. This usually begins with kissing. Are you comfortable with that?” His breath was warm on your face. You nodded.
And then the two of you were kissing, Harper’s mouth surprisingly cold, much like his hands were. “Very good,” he murmured. Harper practically tugged you into his lap and your patient gown rode up, making you suddenly very aware that there was nothing on underneath. Wait, weren’t you in a therapy session before? Where did your clothes go…?
Your thoughts were interrupted when you realized you could feel Harper’s cock rubbing against your most sensitive areas. The feeling drew a whimper out of you, which sparked Harper to reach under the gown and grab at your back.
“P-please,” you whined, grinding down on Harper.
But he did not relent. “Please what?” He asked. “You need to be specific.”
“Please…” you sucked in a deep breath. “Please, fuck me.”
“Very good,” Harper pulled away and beamed. “You’re a very good patient. You learn quickly.”
He reached into a nearby drawer and pulled out a small tube. As he squeezed the slimy fluid onto his fingers, you realized what it was - lube. “This may be cold,” Harper said before slipping two fingers into your hole. You bit down on your lip and groaned as the doctor scissored his fingers inside of you. It felt good, but it also felt methodical and practiced.
You pawed at the bulge in Harper’s pants, which he was not expecting judging by his sharp intake of breath. “T-that’s enough,” he stammered, momentarily losing his cool composure. “I think you’re ready now.”
Harper pulled his hand back and unzipped his pants. With one movement he tugged down his pants and boxers and you were suddenly staring directly at his thick cock. It was flushed and twitching, and the bead of precum on the tip gave you the sudden urge to lick it.
But that wasn’t what was going to happen, at least not today, as Harper was stroking his dick with additional lube, and the way he was looking at you - no, leering - was decidedly unprofessional. You were too far gone at that point, though. The only thought in your head was how badly you needed that cock inside of you.
Your doctor grabbed you by the hips and, ever-so-slowly, lowered you down onto his cock. Harper practically hissed as you sunk further and further onto him, until your hips were flush with his.
“V-very good,” Harper managed to get out, his face turning red. This was an act you were quite familiar with, and your instincts kicked in. You started moving up and down, Harper’s hands still gripping you tightly, and he began rocking his hips in unison.
Harper seemed practiced in every aspect, with his cock managing to hit every sensitive spot inside of you. He was consistent, too. Every thrust was almost rhythmic. It made the hospital bed creak and squeak, and if you weren’t almost entirely fucked out of your mind, you would’ve worried about its stability. But all you could focus on was riding Harper and how fucking amazing it felt. Maybe it was that tea you had, or maybe your doctor was just that good at fucking.
His grip on your hips only added to the pleasure and you quickly began feeling heat intensifying within you.
“I think,” you tried to start but were cut off by your own moan. “I’m gonna…”
“Cum,” Harper said plainly, though clearly struggling to stay calm. “You can cum. It’ll - haa - be good for you and your…fffucking treatment.”
You didn’t need Harper to tell you twice, his hips slamming into you. You grabbed onto his shoulders and cried out as the orgasm wracked your entire body. You squeezed your eyes shut, but when you opened them, you noticed Harper was staring intently at you. It felt as though he was staring into your soul.
After several more thrusts, you could tell Harper was about to hit his limit as well. Never easing up on his grip, Harper held you down as he came, filling your insides with his hot cum. The two of you stayed connected for a few moments before he gently pulled you off, you letting out a whine at the loss of contact. Harper quietly studied his cum leaking out of your hole and dripping down your leg, then jotted down a few more notes in his notebook. You wondered what he was writing.
“Well,” Harper smiled at you, straightening his clothes out. “You did a great job. You’re a fast learner. I hope that was pleasurable.”
You could only nod in response.
“However,” Harper looked down at his notebook with a slight frown. “I’m afraid you still have a long way to go. This is only the beginning. I’ll need to keep you here at least for a few more days for further studying and treatment.”
“Oh…” you mumbled. In your post-orgasmic state, you struggled to understand what was going on. But maybe a longer stay wouldn’t be so bad.
Harper stood up, clutching his notebook to his chest, and gave you a few soft pats on the head. “No worries. I’ve already communicated with your guardian and school, so everything will be just fine.” He gave you another grin, one that felt a little less genuine, and made you feel a little uneasy. “Trust me. There is no better place for you to be right now than right here.”
And with that, he left the room.
#degrees of lewdity#dol#harper the doctor#dol harper#dol fanfic#dol x reader#writing#prompt event#this one got a little silly!! and the smut could've been longer#but i couldn't figure it out#o well#i hope u guys like#it was fun to write#just had to um. suspend my disbelief for a bit
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deeper meaning
⟡ oikawa tōru x reader
⟡ word count: 1,792
⟡ song: deeper meaning - ally salort
oikawa tōru was revered in high school.
everyone knew his name. he couldn’t walk five meters without a group of fangirls approaching him, just to get a mere three second interaction.
but despite his popularity, he was polite. he would try to give everyone attention. be it a smile, a wave or a rare conversation. he would get into trouble with coach, which would then lead to iwaizumi’s wrath but he didn’t care. he would complain all the time that iwaizumi was too harsh, but he would repeat the cycle again and again.
everyone loved oikawa tōru, and you wanted to know why.
it started as curiosity. you heard his name being thrown around when you started high school.
“oikawa tōru joined our school’s volleyball club!”
“i’m in the same class as oikawa tōru! he’s so dreamy!”
“let’s go watch the volleyball club’s practice! i heard oikawa tōru is on the starting team!”
then it morphed into annoyance.
how can this guy be so talented and good looking at the same time? even social skills were commendable. who could even stand the shrill screams and cheers at every practice and match?
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
oikawa tōru caught you scowling at him from afar, whilst entertaining girls who were giving him baked treats. he felt confused. it was the first time a girl stared at him the way iwaizumi does. he shuddered and started making his way to iwaizumi, giving a pointed look in your direction.
“iwa-chan, do we even know her?” he asked.
“she’s in our year, shittykawa.” iwaizumi explained and smirked. “apparently, she doesn’t get the hype around you.”
oikawa’s jaw dropped, being appalled. he knew he was nice and he always made sure he was respectful. how could someone think of him that way?
“don’t act so shocked.” iwaizumi continued. “i sit next to her in class and we talk about you.”
“she’s your classmate?!” oikawa screamed back while iwaizumi walked away. “and you talk about me?!”
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
oikawa tōru was so interested in you that your annoyance towards him turned into friendship.
he bothered iwaizumi everyday, visiting your classroom. iwaizumi does apologize for his friend’s behavior but you told him it wasn’t his fault for having a pain-in-the-ass friend.
“how can you say that?” oikawa pouted. “i’m pretty and nice.” oikawa emphasized.
“just because everyone likes you, doesn’t mean that i should.” you stated, making iwaizumi laugh.
oikawa’s face was etched in shock again as iwaizumi slapped his back. he snapped out of it and looked you straight in the eyes, his lips lifted with a smirk.
“well then, i’ll make you like me.”
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
oikawa tōru always made sure he would do everything he put his mind to and your annoyance transformed into infatuation.
it wasn’t like you meant for it to happen. due to oikawa’s constant visits to your classroom, you grew closer. you spent most of your time in school with the famed seijoh four. matsukawa and hanamaki easily becoming your closest friends, bonding over your initial disdain towards oikawa.
you would hear stories from iwaizumi on how much of an idiot oikawa was with volleyball, never wanting to rest because of his constant need to be better.
and all those stories made you rethink. it seemed as though oikawa tōru always put his entire heart and soul into the things he loved doing and that genuinely impressed you. which led to your rekindled interest in him, because it made you observe him in a new perspective.
you started attending their volleyball practices, finding yourself to look for oikawa constantly. whenever you did, you couldn’t bring yourself to turn away.
every move he made was well thought out and calculated. he would match every player he was working with, adjusting himself to make sure they could be at their best.
and despite his childish behavior, he was still respected by the team. you could see the juniors looking up to him, taking in any advice oikawa had to offer. even the people who would hate on him the most, they respected him in his craft.
volleyball centered him, and made oikawa tōru who he was.
“you did well today.” you mentioned to him at the end of their practice.
“hmm, do you like me now?” oikawa teased, not expecting to see your cheeks turning red before you turned away.
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
it turns out, you were no different than everyone else. your infatuation turned into love after oikawa tōru asked you out.
your bickering with oikawa never stopped though, the only change was that there was love behind the words. you helped iwaizumi keep oikawa in check. whenever oikawa practiced for too long or was being stubborn, all iwaizumi had to do was call you down so that you could talk oikawa out of his self-destructive state.
“tooru, it’s time to rest.” you said softly, not wanting to push his buttons.
“just go home first.” oikawa replied, not even turning to look at you. “i’ll text you when i’m back home.”
you walked towards him and patted his back. he instantly looked at you and you saw how determined he was to keep practicing.
“you can’t do well if you’re injured again.” your gaze softened. “resting is as important as training, tooru.”
oikawa opened his mouth to answer but he stopped himself, knowing what you said was right. he threw the ball towards the cart and apologized to iwaizumi for keeping him in school for so long.
the walk back home was silent. oikawa’s head was still noisy with his insecurities about his favorite sport.
“you’ll do well, i know you will.” your voice cut through his thoughts.
“t-thank you.” he smiled, letting out a heavy breath that he didn’t know he was holding. “i don’t know what i would do without you.”
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
oikawa tōru was your person.
he would surprise you at your front door and ask you if he could bring you out for a date. and that led you to have dates everywhere.
the random grass patch next to the bus stop? oikawa made you sit with him and watch the cars zoom by as you discuss conspiracy theories about aliens.
the stream at the back of town where no one goes? oikawa surprised you with a picnic there, not thinking about the mosquitoes that quickly attacked both of your legs.
the store at the corner of your block? oikawa made sure to stop there every single time he sends you home so he can buy you a sweet treat.
the entire neighborhood had memories of you and oikawa and it wasn’t easy walking through it when the relationship ended.
“tooru, what do you mean?” you whispered, not wanting to speak any louder as you tried to hold back your tears.
“i’m leaving japan.” oikawa repeated, staring back at you. “and i don’t want you to wait for me.”
it felt as though the world was playing a cruel joke on you. you worked hard at supporting him throughout his high school volleyball days and he hits you with this the day after graduation?
“i-i thought you wanted us to last?” your voice cracked, making you look at the ground.
“i guess you thought wrong.” oikawa’s voice had no indication of pain. it rolled off his tongue as if it was easy for him to throw the three years you had together.
“if that’s what you want.” you managed to choke out as you started walking away as fast as you can so that he couldn’t see the tears falling.
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
“now you’re in every corner of this town
even when you’re not around
and anytime i hear about you now
i can’t drown it out”
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
it’s been four years and you worked hard to forget oikawa tōru.
you went to college, got an absolutely life changing offer for your dream job and it felt like everything was finally falling into place.
with your parents still residing in your childhood home, you visited your hometown. the moment you drove into town, memories of your high school romance flood your mind.
the grass patch next to the bus stop. the stream at the back of town where no one goes. the well maintained store at the corner of your street.
you spent the last four years desperately trying to forget him.
it was tough enough when he joined a volleyball club in argentina, not long after graduating. his name was plastered everywhere and you acted as if you didn’t know anything about him.
“didn’t you go to aoba johsai?”
“did you know oikawa tōru?”
“was oikawa tōru that good during school?”
and coming back to your hometown made your desperate attempts futile. the pride that they had the oikawa tōru growing up in this very town was blinding.
his posters plastered all around the storefronts, the front cover sports magazines with his face being framed in some stores he used to frequent.
and as much as you tried to keep him out of your mind, he was in every corner.
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
“that you might mean a little more than i intended for
oh, can we take it back to before?
when your name was just a name
your face was just a face without a deeper meaning”
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
if you could time travel, you would’ve told your younger self to run far away from oikawa tōru.
you would’ve forced yourself to choose a seat far away from iwaizumi.
you would’ve stopped yourself from interacting with anyone on the volleyball team.
you wished that you didn’t have that curiosity.
which turned into annoyance, then infatuation, then love.
you wished that you turned away from every mention of his name.
you wished that you just looked at him from afar.
and you wished that you didn’t care for him the way that you did.
did you mean as much to him? did he suffer as much as you did? did he even love you the way you loved him?
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
“if i try to forget
and wash off your energy,
it don’t make a difference, it won’t 'til i live with it
'til i erase all the memories”
.𖥔 ݁ ˖
you wanted to hate him.
you wanted to pretend like he didn’t exist.
you wanted to forget.
but that would be denial.
he crafted the best and worst parts of your life. he inspired you to chase your dreams. and he was still a part of you, no matter how much you’ve grown.
oikawa tōru shaped you into who you are. and that’s just something you have to live with, whether you like it or not.
note from miyako
not proof-read i honestly churned this out and wanted it out of my brain ASAP i hope u like oikawa angst ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡
✗⚬ﾒ𝟶, m ♡
#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#hq oikawa#oikawa tooru#oikawa x reader#haikyuu oikawa#oikawa toru#oikawa tōru#oikawa x you#oikawa toru x reader#oikawa torū#toru oikawa
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Can you possibly do like mk men with children?? Like anyone you wanna write- I imagine like mk11 Kano with his beard then he shaves and shows the baby but the baby doesn’t recognize him- or starts crying- or like shao Kahn with a baby carrier. I also think of Kung Lao with like three kids sprawled out ontop of him as he’s trying to sleep. Like one of them has their foot in his face-
clean-shaven stranger
a/n: i really liked the first idea so....kano
pairing: kano x gn!reader
warnings: none :)
you watch Kano lift your baby into the air, making some sort of ridiculous sound as he does so and your daughter laughs in delight
she’s only a few months old, but she had the same vigor as her father, excitable and a trouble-maker in the works, finding every which way to exhaust you and Kano
but it was bliss, and you snap a picture of the scene on a digital camera before leaning back in your chair continuing to read your book
your daughter babbles out a jumble of words that don’t make sense together but she gurgles out a baba, and Kano coos at her, tickling her stomach and saying that, yes he was her baba
the time ticks by quickly as Kano plays with her and then passes her to you to be fed with the bottle as soon as she got fussy
he sits behind you, warming your back with his heat, and he keeps his thick arms wrapped around your waist as you cradle your daughter in your arms
your husband rests his chin on your shoulder and watches with what you can assume is heart eyes as your daughter starts to grow sleepy, eyes drooping close
she’s trying to fight it so hard, startling awake every so often and eyes fluttering open, but she loses the fight and soon falls asleep in your arms
you stand up carefully, rocking her slowly, and wrap her up in her blanket before placing her down in the crib, slightly rocking it as she lets out a little noise
the both of you stand over the crib, watching to see if she awoke, but as the minutes passed by, she stayed firmly asleep, little snores escaping her
your husband grabs onto your hand bringing you away from your daughter, and he closes the door to her room gently, barely a sound coming from it
you give him a smile and wrap your arms around his neck and plant a kiss on his lips, his beard scratching against your face, and Kano chuckles and wraps his arms around you as well
the both of you just rock to a silent beat as you hold each other, a quiet moment just for yourselves, but then he finally pulls away and says that he wants to shave
you pout at him, fingers coming up to rub them through the coarse hair and saying that you liked his facial hair, but he just says he wants to try something new
sighing at him, you relent, and the both of your make your way to the bathroom
he washes his face, and then he rubs shaving cream into his coarse beard and you grab the shaver from the drawer and sharpen it
it was one of those old-timey shavers that you saw in barbershops or historical dramas, but Kano took great pride in his facial hair and only wanted the best for himself
so you learned how to shave using it
he turns to face you, leaning down to give you better access, and you hold his face gently and scrape it across with careful and precise strokes
it’s only the sound of his hair being cut as you work in silence, and the both of you look like a mess, having taken care of a baby all day
and yet, he looks at you like you were the most fashionable and beautiful person in the world, and you just pinch his nose and tell him to stop looking at you like that as you finish up
he smirks at you, and your eyes widen in horror as you realize what he’s about to do, and you try to step back
but it’s too late and he smashes his clean-shaven face into yours, specks of shaving cream and cut hair smushing into your cheeks
you squirm in his hold, trying to get away, but you can’t squeal or shriek in fear of waking the baby, so it’s just a silent struggle for a few minutes between the two of you
by the time he’s done, you look even worse, dirty shaving cream shoved all around your face, but he just gives you a passionate kiss at the end, his hand cupping the back of your neck and a soft groan leaving his throat
you can’t help but melt into it, your hand coming up to rest on his shoulder, and the two of you just kiss in the bathroom until your lungs burn
finally, you pull away, and the two of you get ready for bed, his warm body surrounding you and his mechanical heart beating against your back
the both of you fall asleep quickly
and then you’re awoken by a scream and cry from your baby for food a few hours later, and Kano presses you into the bed and tells you to get some rest, and he’ll get the baby
you smile and hum, thanking him as you let the dredges of sleep drag you back down into dreamland, and he quickly leaves the room to warm a bottle of milk
it’s only a few minutes later when you hear a louder wail cry for help, of distress and not just for milk, and you shoot up and out of your bed
quickly, you slam open your drawer and grab your gun, breathing heavily and hoping and hoping that the Red Dragon or the OIA hadn’t found your baby
you kick the door down, raising your gun up, but it’s just Kano, looking distressed as he holds your daughter in his arms, who has tears and snot running down her face
he looks bewildered and distraught, and when your daughter spots you, her hands immediately come up towards you and make a grabby motion
you drop the gun to the floor and rush over, Kano easily handing her over, and she immediately calms down, sniffling into your shirt and tiny hands gripping onto it like a lifeline
asking in her in a soft voice why she didn't want daddy, she just shakes her head, hiccuping out not daddy, not daddy
you look to Kano, and he’s brought his hand up to rub his bare chin
you realize why your daughter can’t recognize him, and you let out a snort as you bounce your baby in your arms and get her to calm down
your husband narrows his eyes at you, crossing his arms and asking what was so funny, and you smirk at him and say to your daughter, oh yeah, daddy has a beard, doesn’t he
your daughter nods in agreement, looking Kano from the corner of her eye and then turning her head away, and Kano has his jaw dropped in astonishment
he reaches for her again, saying that he just shaved, but then she starts screaming again, and so he drops his arms back to his side
his eyes are wide, jaw dropped, and he looks from you to his daughter, and you just hold your hand up for the bottle in his hand
he hands it over to you, and you give it to your daughter, one of her hands gripping onto it as she starts to drink the milk
Kano grumbles, eyebrows furrowed and lips turned into a dejected frown, and you just smile and burp your daughter as she falls asleep again
you put her down in her crib again and wait to see if she wakes up again, but she doesn’t
you turn to Kano, and he’s still pouting so you just give him a quick kiss and drag him out into the hallway and softly close the door
shaving his beard didn’t seem like the brightest idea anymore
#mortal kombat#mk#mortal kombat 11#mk11#mortal kombat x reader#mk x reader#mk x you#mk x y/n#kano#kano mk11#mk11 kano#mk kano#kano x reader#kano x you#kano x y/n#tangerine writes#tangerine answers
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