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pvnks0ul · 9 months

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little one | mama!riri x fem!reader

pt 1

Summary: Adventures of Riri & her 'mini me'

riri is 100% the, "don't tell mommy" parent.

Especially when you're going away on a business trip because occasionally there were events of which you could not attend from behind a computer screen or in the comfort of your home.

You had kissed your girls, goodbye but not before making sure to remind Riri of Naturis tight schedule- one that could not afford missing a step or else the almost 4 year old child would probably spiral out of control.

Riri had your luggage in one hand and her babygirl in the other, supporting the small child on her hips, the little ones head ontop of her shoulder, slight pout tugging on her lips because she knew all too well that you were going away despite the fact that she was promised a tea party- the ones she had every two weeks where she was allowed to stay up and help brew the tea (putting the water in before it boils of course), wear her pretty Sunday dresses and half inch babydoll shoes with the matching pearls her grandma Ronnie had gotten her.

*small flashback*

She was a crying mess earlier that morning when she went looking for you and saw the familiar frantic movements from one side of the room to the other, she was still only whining pulling at your sundress till she caught whift of your neatly folded clothes were packed into an ugly green suitcase- she really hated green- that was when the actual water works started to kick in.

Luckily Riri was right around the corner, sweeping her baby off her feet and into her arms, exiting the room with her before asking "What's wrong with my baby, hmm?" Rubbing her back soothingly until she was no longer hiccuping through her tears.

cooing at Naturi when she mutters something along the lines of, "Mommy's leav'n me, again" she sniffles out with a quivering bottom lip, making her heart break a bit more for the young being- truly her weakness.

Riri nods in understanding before wiping her childs tears away with her thumbs, "I know, I don't like when Mommy goes away either but, I'll tell you what--"

She manages to calm her daughter down one juice pouch later with a pinky promise to do the tea party and let her stay up after dinner to help make anything she wanted in her garage later.

The last bit you had no idea was happening, Of course.

*end of flashback*

Riris kissing you on the cheek then moves down pecking your lips a few more times- her sneaky way of trying to stop your rambles before you can start up again.

"Ma... I know how the stove works."

"I won't forget to have her in bed by 6, baby please."

"You can go, I swear we'll both be in one healthy, well fed & rested piece on Monday. Go enjoy your Gala, baby. I got this." She assures for hopefully the last time, giving you a hug with Naturi still in her tight hold.

"Mkay, just making sure." You say with a huff before turning to your child who still refused to look at you.

"Mommys gonna miss her princess so much." You say while pinching Naturis chubby cheeks between your thumb and index.

She's still reluctant to look at you, turning her head away but she's quickly reminded of her manners when Riri bounces her a little to high for her liking, "Hey, what do we say to mommy, huh?"

Naturis pout deepens before she offers a side hug and a extremely sour, "Love you too, mommy" nuzzling her head right back into her mamas neck.

Riri mouths out a sorry to you for her cranky behavior, before grabbing your chin and gifting you a lingering kiss on the lips, resting her head against yours when she needs to pull away for air and then...she's standing against the cracked open door watching you pull out the driveway.

4 pm

"D'you like it, turi?" Riri asked with an expectant gaze, watching her daughters eyes light up as she sipped from the ridiculously tiny tea cups, with her pinky held up, proudly.

She nodded her head once she drunk it all, sitting it down on the princess themed coasters.

"s'good!" she exclaimed while rubbing her belly.

"N'so pretty...Did you know I liked pruprel the very most, mama?" she asked while peeking at the purple passionfruit tea swirling in the pitcher.

"Course, I did baby." Riri chuckled, moving uncomfortably in the small table chairs. Let's just pretend that they weren't the only tea bags she found in the pantry.

4:21 pm

Riri should've followed the schedule you set, she was now starting to regret digging through your closet because Naturi has been nothing above bossy & filled with sass since she got ahold of her fancy necklaces and a pair of mommy's white 'princess gloves'.

Riri was secretly trying to eat a chocolate chip cookie she had prepared specifically for the tea party, her stomach was growling as she hadn't eaten anything since way before you left so she didn't see why not.

Bad idea.

Riri crunched down on the sweet snack just as Naturi busted into the room with all her squishmallows in hand, "Mama, no!"

"Huh-" Riris smile quickly faded into a look of confusion as the young girl stomped into the room.

"You can't have food unless the most very important guest is eating too!" She tsked while dropping all of the plushies but one and sitting it next to her.

Where tf did she learn how to tsk?

She picks up a cookie off the tray and places it into one of her smaller dishes, sliding it infront of him, "There you go, Mr. Penguin."

"... Mama, you have to apologize to Mr. Penguin or else he won't eat."

Riri sideyed her daughter and the stuffed animal with a monocle glued on- and where the hell did she get that? She shakes her head, didn't even get to finish biting her cookie before hurriedly chewing and chugging it down with some of the warm tea still in her cup, it was really fucking dry. Naturi gave her a look as she held the cup up, she really didn't appreciate the fact that Riri forgot to hold out her pinky but she didn't voice it neither.

Unless a nasty glare counts, that is.

"Uhm, my fault Mr. Penguin dude...I thought I was the most very important guest." she huffs out, mumbling the latter under her breath.

Naturi claps excitedly, jumping up & down in response, "Thank you mama! You're forgiven!"

5:15 pm

By five pm, Riri has already cleaned up the play area with the help of her sassy daughter and fixed & served dinner ; chicken Alfredo but with bowtie noodles because she knew Naturi liked how much they favored her real bows. Just something slight that she couldn't possibly burn.

"Alright, baby you full?" Riri asks, using a napkin to wipe away the remainder of the child's food that was on her cheeks instead of the actual plate.

"Mhmm!" Naturi responds, expanding on her words with her hand rubbing over her belly.

Riri takes her phone out for a few seconds as she checks to see if you opened the chain of pictures she snuck of Naturi & her plushies at her tea party. You didn't, so she knew you must've been swamped with work or just busy.

She hums before swiping down & then to the left for her camera, angling it at the young girl who quickly switched to her coloring papers after putting her plate into the sink.

"Wanna take a picture for mommy?" Riri asked before snapping one anyway.

Naturi looks up and makes a sound that Riri thinks means yes before dropping her pink crayon onto the sheet and jumping out her seat, "Can we make it a video instead?" she asks so sweetly with her big brown eyes blinking up at her, Riri didn't dare to decline.

That's how you ended up with another chain of 5 two minute videos of your daughter explaining why you should've stayed here with her because her and mama were having so much fun & they all ended the same way, her blowing a kiss and waving to the camera- you-, except for the last one where her and riri made sure to remind you that they "love and miss you so much" as well as Naturi convincing Riri to blow a kiss aswell.

5:40 pm

As it grows closer to six Riri has already bathed the child and it seemed to help calm her down a bit as she let her mama put her pj's on with no fuss at all.

Riri could tell that Naturi was getting sleepier as she could hardly keep her eyes open while brushing her teeth, so she when Turi finished up she asked, "you still wanna make something with me, baby or sleep first?"

Naturi mumbles something that sound close to "make sum- fing" even though she was yawning and basically talking in her sleep as her mama carried her into her room.

Once Naturi realized she was being tucked into her comforter she jolted up, "Mama I said-!"

"We can do it in the morning, after breakfast if you want mkay? I think you're too tired right now." Riri murmurs before kissing Naturis temples then cheeks, lighting pushing the child's tight coils to the back & out of her face.

For once, Naturi doesn't have it in her to fight back and just hums while settling into the warm sheets and slowly drifting to sleep.

Riri cracks the door which was directly across from the bedroom she shared with you, exiting the room just as her phone goes off.

#got a bit carried away at the end sorry😔#riri williams x reader #ironheart x reader #dominique thorne x reader #riri williams #ironheart #riri fic #riri x you #riri x reader #marvel lgbt #marvel fanfiction #𝓴𝓲𝔀𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓲𝓬𝓼 ˗ˏˋ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

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mrsaguapapi · 1 year

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Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10

Chapter 11

Every Stitch

The Vibe:

Donovan - Season of the Witch (Official Audio)

What time is it?

I check my phone and it's 7:55 pm "Fuck" I curse at myself. I decided a couple of hours ago to give up on trying to read my mother's books until I met up with Steven later. Instead, I took some time to relax and watched some Netflix... I may have eaten 2 slices of week-old pizza too

I grab an oversized Vegeta t-shirt and half-tuck it into a pair of jeans. Quickly I scan myself in the mirror putting my braids half up in a bun and wiping away any pizza crust from my face. I slide on a pair of sneakers, grab my sling ring and open a portal to their place. I take the two books in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other, and step through closing the portal behind me.

Steven was in his little kitchen cooking something on the stove, wearing an apron and a pair of dark jeans. That was it no shirt, no shoes; it was quite the sight. His dark curly hair fell nicely on the side of his face, sometimes I forget how fine they are.

I drop the books on his bed and walk up to him, "What's for dinner love?" I ask

"Matzah Ball soup" he smiles," Here, set the table you're just in time." I do as he says and grab a couple of plates and utensils. After setting the table I have a seat while Steven serves our plates and takes the seat next to me. "Eat up," he says

I take a bite and almost cry, "Steven this is amazing."

"Thank you" he blushes," It's not as good as I remember; we used to make this with our Mother and brother. Brings good memories." he smiles, "Alright fill me in, the old fashion way. Your Memory Transference gives us a headache, besides I like hearing your voice."

I can't help but smile, he's incredibly sweet. For the next 20 min, I fill him in on what I can, leaving out all the parts involving Namor and the Talokans. I won't go into too much detail as I'm still processing but I give him all the important bits.

"Are you okay? You seem out of it." Steven placed his hand on mine

I sigh, "I will be you know? Got a lot to process. I left out a few details of the trauma." I laugh "Um I also kind of met someone. It's REALLY complicated and new, nothing's labeled officially I think? I don't know." I laugh nervously, "He's honestly quite sweet, I'd tell you more but I would be breaking a pretty important promise."

"That was extremely vague" He laughs, "But I'm happy for you"

"So tell me about Layla?" I ask

"Not much to tell. Marc called her and asked if she wanted to get dinner with us and talk. She agreed, so hopefully, all goes well. We're nervous"

"Don't be, you'll be fine. Bring her flowers it'll help break the tension."

"I don't know, I don't think she like flowers" he begins

"Let me stop you there young Padawan. Women love flowers. We don't say anything because we don't want to have to ask for them. That's like rule number one"

"Duly Noted" he laughs "thank you, Mills."

"No problem" I smile," Steven I don't think I can focus on anything until you put a shirt on."

He laughs at me and nods his head. I get up and clear the table while Steven grabs a shirt to put on and looks at the books on the bed, "So are these them?"

"Yes," I say walking over to him, "I can only make out certain words, makes no sense to me"

Steven inspects both books, looking at the bind and the pages trying to read the writing, "I'm honestly lost too. It's all gibberish."

"That's because it's written in the elder gods' native tongue," Khonshu says appearing from nowhere scaring both of us.

"A little warning next time bird brain?" Steven responds

"Hello child, made up your mind about my offer," Khonshu asks, I roll my eyes and look at Steven

"Oi bird man, you know she's not here for that." Steven says, "Can you help with the books or not?"

"This is what I get for picking a defected avatar," he whispers to himself. He points his staff at the books, "That's the book of Oshtur, goddess of truth, justice, and cosmic order. The other one looks like the book of Ayesha, the Rain Queen of Balobedu, a former sorceress supreme. These have been lost for centuries, where did you find them?"

"My mother had them in Wakanda."

"Who's your mother girl?"

"Apparently former Queen Ororo of Wakanda"

"The lost Windrider?" he asks shocked, "She's your mother?"

I clear my throat a little uncomfy "Yea seems so. I'm assuming by your reaction you were a fan" I chuckle awkwardly

"Something like that. It's beginning to make sense why she has these books and why you can see me. Your bloodline is closely connected to Oshtur, Steven you may know her as Ma'at" Khonshu says

I have a seat on the bed, "Who is Oshtur, and connected how?"

"Read it yourself," Khonshu says with an attitude

"We can't," I say matching his energy

He shakes his head and holds out his staff, "Grab on" Hesitantly I do as he says and Steven follows. I feel a rush of energy travel through my body giving me a headrush.

We quickly remove our hands from the staff, "What the hell was that?" I ask

"I just gave you the power of, Allspeak now you can communicate and read in all languages of the Nine Realms, Earth's dialects, alien languages, etc. You should have no problem reading those books. Now I shall take my leave." And like that he was gone.

"Allspeak? No way", Steven whispers to himself

"Geez, he was in a mood." I snicker and grab the books, "Grab the wine and sit, we got some reading to do" I take my shoes off and crawl up to the head of the bed.

Steven pours himself a glass and hands me the bottle. In return, I give him a book and we begin to read.

-----------------

For the last few hours, I've been reading about the goddess Oshtur. She is- was?-one of the primordial gods. I am unclear if she is alive or dead.

Can a primordial god die?

Oshtur had a fascination with the realms beyond Earth; so much so that she took to the heavens to travel the stars. During her exploration, Oshtur met a being named Hoggoth, the last survivor of an ancient mystic race.

Okay slay

They learned a great deal from one another, and when Oshtur was ready to move on, Hoggoth offered to go with her. The two eventually traveled back to Earth, where Oshtur cared for the development of mankind.

One day, she observed three children at play, and their joy caused her to shed a single tear. A child of her own emerged from that tear, and Oshtur named him Agamotto.

Agamotto loved to learn, and the two were quite happy together. Agamotto grew into a great teacher and sorcerer, who loved humanity as much as his mother. They eventually joined with Hoggoth to become a mystical trinity known as the Vishanti, and Agamotto encouraged the study of magic in humanity through his writings in the Book of the Vishanti.

Agamotto became the first Sorcerer Supreme of the Earth. He occasionally tried to choose a successor but to no avail. With no luck in his search, he held a battle between all of Earth's mightiest mages to determine the next Sorcerer Supreme. In the end, Ayesha a mighty sorceress from the Kingdom of Balobedu emerged as the champion. She served as Sorcerer Supreme for nearly 4000 years.

Ayesha now the protector of Earth was gifted with the control of Nature and Oshturs Power. Oshturs power is most frequently invoked for spells of strength, providing some power to make an existing spell even more powerful or to strengthen the magician casting it. Ayesha's gifts were passed to her descendants, all women with white hair and powerful magic potential.

I dramatically close the book, "Ayesha is my ancestor."

"I know. At the end of her book, there is a detailed family tree, that I'm assuming your ancestors kept up with. You're the last name here." Steven points at my name and hands me the book, "Outside of that there are all kinds of spells and abilities unlocked by your ancestors: Curative healing, flight, chaos magic, etc. I think your bloodline was blessed with generational bestowment of power. This book is a dummies guide for your potential powers."

"The journal that was bound to my wrist is just like this. Weird, how on some innate part of me I had the urge to document my gifts just like my ancestors."

"You need to add your findings to this book, there are blank pages meant for you"

"Yea, I suppose so." I put the books down and rub my head "So I know my family's origin story and now I have the cheat codes to my power. You'd think I'd be satisfied, but now I find myself grieving for parents I never knew and a past I have forgotten. Somehow it feels all connected."

"I'm sorry love, is there anything I can do?" Steven asks

"No hun, you've done quite enough. Thank you for your help tonight." I check my phone and see it's well past 2 am "I should go" I give Steven a big hug

"I'll see ya soon?" he asks, "Might need you to talk us off the ledge if things go wrong with Layla." he chuckles

I stand up and begin to open a portal "You are so dramatic," I laugh grabbing my books," And yes, of course, call or text me whenever okay?"

"Of course." He waves at me as I step through to my bedroom closing the portal behind me.

------------------------

I lay in bed thinking about what my next move is. I need to take a trip to Bleeker street tomorrow; with the Darkhold's connection to my mother and now my bloodlines ties to the Sorcerer supremes, it's the right time to loop in Strange & Wong. Maybe they can help with my memory, but considering what happened with peter I have my reservations. Also,

Who is Agatha? How does she play into this?

Leaving all of my questions behind, I pull my phone out and begin to scroll through Tik Tok and unwind from the day. Right before I put my phone down to go to sleep, I receive a text from bucky

3:12 am

Hey, Can we talk? I'd really like to see you.

Read

I turn the sound off, put my phone face down on the nightstand, and lay back, "Nope. That's a future me problem."

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alittlebitofrainbyyourside · 1 year

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Have an untitled document snippet that I refuse to name because it was /supposed/ to be a like- Quick Pornie Au with Big Dick Phayu and his childhood friend Rain who has recently gone throuh his Slut phase.

Either way, Rain scrubs his skin in the shower, snagging his body wash from the shelf to replace the smell of whatever the hell the guy's name had been from last night. Ball? Bean? Rain hadn't been listening particularly hard. And the guy certainly hadn't put in enough effort for Rain to bother moaning it, so what did it matter? He hadn't been half as big as Rain had thought he was in the club, and his thrust game had been dismal.

A little delirious, Rain thinks about the possibility of making a shirt that says 'you must be this big to play'. Maybe that would help him weed out the non-contenders.

Another rumble from his stomach and Rain sighs, petting it fondly, "I know, I know. Hopefully P'Phayu and P'Saifah will have something yummy for us."

Thankfully they don't live too far away. Close enough that Rain doesn't even bother grabbing his keys after he's gotten dressed, opting to ride his bike five blocks down to where the twins live. It might not be as cool as Phayu's motorcycle, but it's functional and it gets him there faster than walking would have. Which is important given how loud his stomach is protesting.

He rides his bike up the driveway of the huge house, carelessly letting it drop to the side as Rain goes to beat on the door. Once. Twice. Three times.

Rain's just about to hit it again when it opens and he throws his arms around the neck of his savior, "P'Saifah! Please tell me you guys have already made breakfast! I'm going to waste away if not!"

Saifah laughs, spinning Rain inside and dropping him unceremoniously on the floor so that he can shut the door. "Phayu's in the kitchen now. Forget to buy groceries again?"

"Maybe."

"When's your Mama coming back, anyway?"

Rain slides off his shoes, shrugging. "She's with Papa in Korea, so probably another month or two. She's never in a rush back when she gets to stay with him."

Not that Rain can blame her, it's just that maybe he'd like to go too sometime. But apparently his studies are too important. Maybe over the summer he'll be able to visit. In the meantime, he's making the best of having the house to himself-

Even if it means shopping for himself. Rain wrinkles his nose- shopping is just so boring and he always feels like he's forgetting something important. Maybe he can convince Phayu or Saifah to come with him on their day off. At least that would solve the boredom problem.

Rain follows his nose (and his stomach) to the kitchen. Sausage- Phayu's definitely cooking sausage. Probably eggs too, if Rain knows his friend and after over a decade, he sure thinks he does. There will be vegetables too, of course. Rain's gotten the lecture about balanced meals leading to a balanced life so many times that he could probably recite it in his sleep.

Which is why Saifah's probably the best target when it comes to asking someone to go to the grocery store with him. Saifah will understand why Rain's cart is half filled with chips.

"You're here early, Nong," Phayu says, one eyebrow raised as he stands at the stove.

"I'm starving, Phi," Rain sing-songs as he boosts himself up onto the counter- far away enough that he knows Phayu won't chide him about having his ass too close to the food. He winces slightly when he makes contact, the after effects of last night not completely invisible despite being mostly unremarkable.

It's disappointing, truly. He'd rather have a night out sing through his body in the morning, than show up as a whistle later.

Phayu's eyes narrow, but he doesn't say anything about Rain's placement and Rain takes that as a win. What Phayu does say is, "Let me guess, Mama is on a business trip again?"

"And Rainyboy hasn't gone grocery shopping," Saifah adds as he starts to take down plates from the cabinet to set the table. "When'd she leave?"

Rain kicks his heels against the wood, trying to think back. "Last Friday, I think? Maybe Thursday."

"It's been over a week and you still haven't gone grocery shopping, Nong?" The judgment in Phayu's tone is clear, even as he takes the pan he's had on the stove off and begins to divvy up the food on the plates that Saifah brought down.

"I think our little friend has been too busy with <i>other</i> things, if you catch my drift," Saifah teases.

#my writing #snippet #phayu/rain #Childhood best friends AU where Rain's mama regularly left him with the Nice Family nearby when she went on business trips

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darcymariaphoster · 2 years

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@ireneultramarine

I apologise for how long this took me! This isn't an area of expertise for me, so I thought I'd cheat by doing an AU within this timeframe, but I didn't like the attempt. In the end, I went back to my original idea and started over. [I am NOT well-versed in 19th century history -- Nordic or American, so please forgive inaccuracies, and assumptions based on quick research!] Hopefully, it's not a disappointment! 🙏

Word count: 876

Sigurd heaves a sigh of relief as he puts away the last of the logs. His shoulders ache, along with his lower back and thighs. He gets this way every year, he knows, after doing all the chopping and moving the wood like this. But it's done and they have firewood for the winter. He steps away from the carefully stacked pile, admiring his work.

It's his least favorite part of the year. Berwald is off after harvest to sell their goods, and he is at home, getting the house ready for winter. He pulls his jacket tight around his torso, shuffling towards the front door. The first winter storm is on the horizon, and the chill in the air is definitely hinting at it. This season is both his favorite and his least favorite. It’s the time in which he and Berwald get some respite, get to sit back for a while. But it’s also somehow more difficult than their physical labor. The house creaks and Sigurd is on the hunt for drafts now.

He gets the wood burning stove going so he won’t have to think about it later, except to add wood and stoke it. He pauses to stare at the floor, where he’s tracked in more mud than he expected. “Oh, forget it,” he mutters to himself, sitting down on the well-worn sofa. He’ll try to get ahead, but he can’t be bothered now.

It’s not exactly the life he had envisioned for himself. Of course, his family had always been farmers. Everything he's learned has been passed down for generations. Berwald's roots weren't quite the same, but he's never complained. It's a sort of fate one accepts when they marry a Norwegian -- just as he'd accepted his when he'd married a Swede. Social statuses weren't confined to his own heritage. But he doesn't mind. He can't think of a time when he has, because he chose this life. He was lucky enough to get to choose Berwald…

He curls up on the sofa, exhaustion settling in. He should put the kettle on, so Berwald won't have to think about it when he gets back. He should sweep the floors, so it won't get bad. Instead, the crackling of the fire and the whistling of the wind lulls him to sleep.

It's much darker and the stove is much cooler when Berwald gets home, kicking his muddy shoes off by the door. It's started snowing, and he shakes his hair out before leaving the doorway. Taking a quick glance around, he lets out a soft, tired huff and goes to the stove, getting it going again. Sigurd is curled up on the sofa, his expression peaceful in his slumber. He wishes he saw more of that when he was awake. He leans down, kissing his forehead, before going in search of a blanket.

He could take him back to bed, but he's so tired, he's unsure of his ability to lift Sigurd. So he grabs a blanket off their bed and drapes it over Sigurd, making sure it covers his feet. He sits on the floor beside the sofa, leaning his head back so it rests on the cushions by Sigurd's stomach. It's mostly quiet for a while, just the storm picking up outside causing a whistling somewhere inside. He and Sigurd will be hunting for those drafts soon enough. At least they'll be easier to find with snow blowing in.

"How'd we do?" Sigurd asks sleepily, one arm lazily coming around his shoulders. His voice is still slurred with sleep.

Berwald turns his head to gaze at him with half-lidded eyes, the warmth from the stove finally seeping into his bones. "Well enough. Didn't mean to wake ya."

Sigurd offers a sort of half-hearted smile. "Don't mind. Missed ya."

"Missed ya, too," Berwald mumbles contentedly. There's something warm and peaceful in moments like these, something he somehow finds himself craving.

"Bed," Sigurd suggests, stretching out and flinching at his undoubtedly sore muscles. "Before I cramp up and stick like this all day tomorrow."

Berwald chuckles at that. "As if ya won't be curled into a ball in bed." Sigurd is known for sleeping in odd positions.

He hums, closing his eyes. "Before you hurt your neck, then," Sigurd murmurs, brushing his hair out of his eyes affectionately. “It’ll be warmer and more comfortable.” There’s no argument to that. Reluctantly, and with a bit of effort, Berwald heaves himself to his feet and collects the blanket as Sigurd gets up as well. “I must have been there longer than I thought -- I’m already feeling stiff.”

“You’re not alone…” Berwald grunts, stretching a bit and wincing. His age is starting to show, he thinks, and he’s not very fond of that idea.

They wander to the bedroom at the back of their small home together, and Sigurd helps him spread the blanket back out. It’s not until they’re changed and in bed that Sigurd whispers, “I appreciate you…”

Berwald smiles, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. He kisses him from his forehead to his lips and mutters, “And I appreciate you.”

No, it’s probably not the most ideal life, but it’s the best as long as they have each other.

#my shit #my fanfic #hetalia fanfiction #aph norway #hws norway #aph sweden #hws sweden #sunor #thank you!#i wanted something soft and warm #i hope it's okay!

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effielumiere · 2 years

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The Companion 2

Pairing: Park Jimin x Reader

Genre: Romance, Idol AU, Drama, Comedy (hopefully lol)

Summary: A year after all their world tour was cancelled with the announcement of the pandemic, Jimin goes through a roller coaster of emotions and he can barely his emotions and he's trying so hard to stay happy. One night when they had a little too much to drink,Namjoon and Jin suggested to get a puppy, but Joon thought a human companion sounded funny to his drunken brain, not knowing that Jimin took his word seriously. When he finally finds the one who's going to be his human emotion companion, he wonders if she's up for it? And most importantly, he wonders how things would play out with him being Park Jimin and her being... well, a fan... an ARMY to be precise.

Warning(s): None. Sentences in italics are Korean words translated to English. UNEDITED!

Word count: 3.1k

A/N: Here's the 2nd chapter! I might update this every week or twice a week if inspiration and motivation keeps hitting me like this. Thank you for showing this little attempt of mine lots of love❤️ Please don't forget to comment on the replies what you think of this chapter, like, reblog and share this story! Submit your questions, etc, and follow me if you want story progression updates<3 Thank you Thank you thank youuu❤️ Y'all had fun with (mostly) Namjoon and Jimin, and a glimpse of the other members in chapter one... I wonder who's here today.. in person that is xD Enjoy! {I changed the story summary here! Also, I hope you're ready for the Christmas special}

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I woke up early in the morning and decided to explore a bit before heading out with Jimin later to the grocery as he insisted the night before. Wearing a pair of gray joggers, a black hoodie over my gray sweater, running shoes and face mask on, I stretch up a bit before leaving the apartment complex. Stepping out of the building, I look around to see very few people wearing almost the same outfit as I am jogging, cycling and others walking with their heads down or forward. Putting my earphones on I play my daily mix as I jog around the compound. I was given brief details on the area a few days before my flight, they assured me that the area was safe to walk around in especially at night since it was heavily secured and private because a lot of famous personalities lived here. The apartment was under Jimin's name, he bought if for personal purposes before 'the idea' came along and he ultimately decided to put me here along a few of his prized possessions in an unlocked room that I presume is his office that I kept telling Joon to lock up.

"He trusts you." Namjoon tells me during one of our video calls a few days before the flight, I found it ridiculous that 'my boss' trusted me when he didn't even know who I was even on a personal level.

"I find that hard to believe, I don't know which member it is. That's because you told me yourself that he doesn't want me to know yet. How's that for trust?"

"Give him a little bit of time, Y/n" he reassures me "Trust that he'll let you know soon, but give him time. Yes, it's the first time either of you are doing this but you have to understand how it is from our perspective. You know us, but even though we don't know you he's crossing that line, so you could do the same thing too hopefully. Call it a leap of faith."

"I won't make any promises, Namjoon." I sigh "I still don't think you should put me in his apartment complex, that looks like a house, when you could just put me in a studio apartment. I'm alright as long as I have a bed, table and chair, a fridge, stove top and a bathroom. All of those things could fit in a little studio."

"You're staying there for two years Y/n" he says "Two years. He wants you to be as comfortable as possible, and knowing him, he's not gonna put someone like you in a shabby apartment. You deserve comfort and security. Just say thank you when you see him and if you're not comfortable yet, just trust him." he smiles.

Namjoon decided to hold off who 'my boss' was as he worded it yesterday. It was Jimin's decision to show up yesterday but he didn't talk as much as I had expected him to, though he was playful during the text messages, a part of me was still holding back waiting for the bomb to drop. I was waiting for the moment when I'm gonna wake up, it still felt like a dream I was waiting from somebody to wake me up and tell me to face reality. I stop jogging to catch my breath, I'm not entirely athletic but jogging was better that walking around with my eyes widening at everything I'd see, looking like a tourist when I'm going to be living here for the next two years. I look around noticing that people have mildly increased and took off again only this time I headed the other way, further from the compound. I was near the condominums when I thought I heard someone call my name, making me stop in my tracks and I turned to see a figure head towards me, hair bouncing, mask on, in full jogging outfit and an adorable Doberman puppy walking next to him.

"Y/n-ssi!" he yells again he reaches me, he wraps his arms around me in a big warm hug and I return it to him.

"Jungkook!" I squeal, during video calls I had with Joon before I left home, Jungkook would drop by every once in a while to say hi and eventually when Joon excused himself to use the restroom he jokingly told Jungkook to sit in his seat and keep me company, which he successfully did more than once (sometimes with Taehyung popping in) to a point he almost had me convinced that he was my boss, but he didn't look like he needed much emotional companionship since he was very talkative for an introvert and kept mentioning a puppy he recently got.

"It's nice to finally meet you!" he says happily, he told me that he was taking lessons on how to be more fluent in English his only problem was the only person he'd talk to was Joon but now, he had someone to practice on and in return, he was teaching me a few words, and even though I took classes Jungkook was a better and more patient teacher than the tutor I had "How's your stay going?"

"It's starting off pretty good, I arrived yesterday" his eyes widen, if that was even possible "Yesterday?! I thought you arrived a few days ago?" He cocks his head to the side, a look in his eyes of disapproval "Aiish, hyung won't be happy to hear that" he says in a low voice.

"If you're talking about Joonie and Jimin, they weren't happy about it." His eyebrows furrow as I mention names "I met them yesterday, they dropped by with the contract, keys, phone and laptop."

"Wait" He touches me arm "Did you just say you met Jimin-hyung?"

"Yeah, why?" I nod

"Really?! Are you serious?!" he exclaims "He said he wasn't ready to meet you yet. Wait. Were you the one texting him last night?"

"Mhmm. Around 11pm... yeah. "

"Ahhh~" he chuckles "I see. And the selfie Namjoon-hyung took, he sent to you?" I nod again "I see..."

I was about to ask him if he knew that Jimin and I were going to the grocery later but held back when I felt a wet nose, followed by a lick touch my fingers making me look down at the forgotten Doberman between Jungkook and I.

"Hello" I cooed and got down to his level, patting his head and ears "You must be Bam!" Bam stared at me, sniffing my hoodie.

"Bam, sit down." Jungkook commands him as we both squat next to Bam who was sitting "Good job!" Jungkook coos at him giving him treat for following the command "This was not the puppy you showed me that you and Tae were carrying in your arms. He's gotten so big."

"He's going to training school soon" I gape at the puppy "Woah, that's amazing. I can't imagine him being more well behaved, he already looks trained to me."

"He just needs a bit of polishing with the commands. You'll see." he playfully winks at me and we both stand "Let's go, I'll walk you back to the building." I nod as I follow JK and Bam to continue to my original route before I saw them. Looking at how JK stared at Bam in adoration and happiness, I realized that was my role, to be a Bam to Jimin.

We arrive to the entrance of my building when Jungkook tells me that I might need to call Jimin if we were going to the grocery because he received a text before we bumped into each other that they were needed at the office that they're just waiting for a call from their manager.

"I left something for you with the receptionist when she told me you went out for a run" He says "Jin-hyung and Suga-hyung were uhh... concerned that you're not eating right because of Jiminie."

"I'm okay, he ordered food yesterday."

"Hey, don't let the hyungs know that when you meet them." I was about to ask him what he meant by that when his phone started ringing and we eventually said our goodbyes, JK and Bam left as soon as I enter the building.

Walking up to the receptionist and asking her if there was a package left for me, she quickly hands me a paperbag that had some weight to it and I walked back to safe walls of the apartment, putting the paperbag on the counter of the kitchen before I run to my en suite and shower a fast as I could to be able to eat breakfast which was soup and two tupperwares of marinated pork belly that came from the magical paperbag. There were a weeks worth of uncooked samgyeopsal in the big tuppie and had a post it with something written on it and when I checked the translator sure enough, it was left to here on purpose. It read: "To y/n-ssi, I hope Jiminie already filled up the pantry. If not, tell Namjoon to tell us and we'll bring you food. -Jin"

Right below it was another container filled with what looked like soup, it also had a note that read: "Y/n-ssi, please tell us if you have food or not. If Jiminie kept saying he was going to the grocery but we think he might wait for you. -Yoongi"

So that's what Jungkook meant by not telling the other guys that yesterday's meals were take out. He'd be in trouble. Opening the container of soup I pour it into a bowl and took out a pan to start frying the pork belly, and be finally able to eat.

By the time I received a text from Jimin saying he was downstairs at the lobby, I was walking around the place writing down the things I needed into my phone's notes and in the process found that all the pantry consisted were ramen. As soon as I went to the lobby I found Joon, Tae and Jungkook in a corner looking at their phones while Jimin stared at the elevator, eyes landing on me when the doors open. His eyes turn into tiny slits showing me that he was smiling underneath his mask and once the elevator announces my arrival the other three boys turn to look and Taehyung walks up to me and wraps me in a big hug, swaying me side to side before letting me go.

"Finally~!" Tae exclaims happily like a parent that found their runaway kid "I tagged along because Jungkook told me saw you today morning and that Jimin is feeding you take-out"

"Hey! I told you to keep it to yourself didn't I?" Jungkook pouts, playfully hitting Tae in the arm

"Wait," Namjoon interrupts "He fed you take-out?" He looks between Jimin and I with his eyebrows raised.

"That's the reason we're going out" Jimin trails off, rubbing the back of his neck "Grocery..." he says quietly

"Hey! I told you to do it the same day Jungkook and Taehyung went!" Namjoon tells him

"He fell asleep, we tried waking him up but he kept saying five more minutes. So we left him." Tae explains

"He didn't tell us that he didn't buy food for Y/n yet, we could've grabbed a few things if we knew." the youngest male adds looking at his feet avoiding Joon's glare.

"You're lucky it's me who joined you three and not Jin hyung ."

"Saranghae, hyung." Jimin says doing a finger heart at him, making the us chuckle. "You better." Joon points out as we make our way to the three cars parked in the valet one that I recognised seeing on In The Soop last year. Jimin opens the door to the passesnger's seat for me, closing it before getting in the driver's seat next to me taking off his mask before fastening his seat belt. and Namjoon on the seat behind us removing his mask too, mirroring Jimin's actions, and Taehyung and JK were in their own cars following us as we leave the valet. I looked at the scenery as soon as we left the compound. The trees didn't have much leaves on them, spring had just started a few weeks ago though the ground was still a bit muddy from what winter had left behind, a few trees - namely cherry blossom trees - had started growing little flower buds, waiting for the right moment to bloom but for now, they're going to drink up the melted snow puddles and wait for the right timing.

"Did you bring a list of things you needed?" Jimin asked as he reversed the car into the parking space he found, one hand on the wheel and the other on my seat near my left shoulder as he turned his upper body to look behind Joon to see if he's got it right. I nodded and for a quick second my heart stopped beating when his finger tips brushed my shoulders briefly before holding on seat, and as I turned to look at him my lungs stopped functioning. At one point while I saw sightseeing Jimin took off the beanie he was wearing under the black hoodie he has on, his damp platinum blonde hair was pushed back exposing his forehead, revealing an undercut and strands of purple... pink and green...?, with matching eye glasses.

"What the unicorn is that?!" I quip as I stare at his hair in shock, gasping loudly and jaw dropping in the process.

"Hmm?" "Are you okay?" Joon hums as Jimin asks me when he pulls on the hand break, his eyes search my face for any clues to what made me react the way I did.

"You look like a rainbow unicorn." I gape, eyes wide as saucers and mouth creating a little o as Joon laughs like a hyena in the backseat. Jimin chuckles looking away from me, cheeks and ears showing the slightest tinge of pink with his dimple making an appearance, "Is that a good thing?" he asks me smiling, I nod frantically grinning like an idiot as he hides his hair underneath his beanie and wears his masks again. It was the first time I got a good look of Jimin since we met yesterday and for the first time I had three thoughts running around my head as the four of us got out of our cars and entered the big grocery store. One, will I survive this job being his emotional companion? Two, how will I ever survive being alone with him when he looks that good. And lastly, three, why did I think that I could do this?! He's Park Jimin and I'm a mess. I slipped up earlier, my inner fangirl couldn't take it. I just hope it didn't weird him out. I was in the feminine products section when Joon walked up to me a box of dark pink dye in his hand, grinning. Jimin was grabbing stuff after I told him that I wasn't a picky eater, JK and Tae on tow telling him what I could cook if he grabbed and combined certain items. And Joon not being a cook ended up with me. "You did great in the car earlier by the way?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, smelling a bottle of shampoo "My fan girl moment? I fucked up, Joon. Day one and I fucked up already. Excuse my language."

"Don't to be excused, cursing is normal. Also, you didn't fuck up." He looks at me intently "If there's one thing you should remember it's that Jimin loves five things. His family, the members of BTS, the ARMYs, performing on stage and receiving attention and compliments from people closest to him. You're considered someone who is close to him with what you're here for."

"No, I'm not Joon. If labels were a thing, I'm labeled 'staff'." He was about to make a comeback when the three musketeers round the corner of the aisle with JK pushing the cart full of food, Tae adding a few snacks and Jimin breathlessly says "I think we got everything."

"Why do I always get interrupted before I win a conversation with you?" he mutters playfully looking at me, I smile "I win again."

"That better be food she can cook, Jiminah. She can't live on ramyeon forever even though it tastes good." Namjoon tells him

"We got meat and fish and eggs.. and vegetables." Jungkook explains as he points at the items on the cart adorably like a toddler.

"And snacks." Taehyung raises his thumbs at me and Jimin nods frantically.

"These kids." Joon shakes his head "Hey, at least Jin and Yoongi won't be mad at the fact that it's just ramyeon."

"Y/n, I bet sixty percent of this cart is ramyeon."

"They won't..." "Oh but I'm betting on it, if I lose I'm dying my hair neon green, how about that? If I win, I finally gain a point and bragging rights." "You're on." "Get ready to lose, little sister."

Once I got back to the apartment after I had dinner with they boys, they helped me carry eveything and unpack the grocery and turns out Joon was right. Sixty percent of the purchased items were ramyeon which made Joon dramatically yell "Yes, a point for Namjoonieeeeee~" making the other guys laugh and me playfully pouting as I arranged the ramen on the pantry. Tae, Joon and JK left after everything was done, once they were gone. Jimin pulled out the brown paperbag from the pantry, turning it upside down spilling a few packages of-you guessed it - ramyeon on the counter top, grabbing a pot and placing it over the stove. While we were putting away the grocery earlier he hid the paperbag in the pantry and whispering "Later, when they leave" before walking away from me. Watching him measure the right amount of water to pour into the pot, I walk to the fridge grabbing the remaining raw pork belly I had before they arrived earlier and placed it on the counter as I looked for a pot under the counter to start frying. And when were done eating peacefully, having a small talk and a cup of coffee, Jimin left the apartment complex telling me to lock up after him and wondering when I'd see him again.

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honeystwiggypeach · 3 years

Note

23. “Why’s it smell like smoke?” Kaidou-centric | reader isn't as involved, just a known character in the story | not establish relationship

Kaidou begs Nendo and the guys to help him cook something to make a bento to impress the reader, saiki tags along to ensure you dont get food posioning, ("Y/N won't get food poisioning ! And If she does it would be the work of the Dark Reunion!!",,,"right,")

Just a bunch of kicthen mishaps and At the end Kaidou is dejected cause all the food is burnt and underseasoned, about to give up, You show up (Saiki ended up telepathically asking you to show up at his house) and you think its sweet he tried so hard, so you say smyhing like "clearly yiu were possesed by the Dark reunion! And they made you forget you're super good cooking skills!"

"Huh?? Yeah?!! Thats right!!!"

"But no worries Kaidou! Because I promise you I will teach you how to cook and you shall relearn your skills and take the Dark reunion down!!"

("I thought the Dark Reunion were trying to destroy the world, not destroy opposing culinary masters?"-Saiki, visual imagine: Gordon ramsey esc bg w/ 2 teams red and blue and saiki innyhe middle of the shot, contemplating)

Aa srry for rambling I really love the idea of doing bits like these xdd

Anyway, you agree to help him learn- Ah- uh Relearn how to cook,

-💙

“Why’s it smell like smoke” x Kaidou Shun

YES! I’m not sure which ones were canonically bad chefs because I know somewheres in a cooking episode someone sticks a fork in the microwave(I know a simple google search will tell me and by the time I finish writing this I will have searched it). Also don’t feel bad for rambling I think it’s so interesting to read what someone wants in specifics, because it gives me things to work with though their are aspects to both specific and non specific requests that are nice, well Anyways I head cannon majority of my favorite characters to be either Gorden Ramsey gourmet chefs or like a disaster in the kitchen so here’s the little writing...

⚠️Mentions of burning down a house while inside(no one actually does it’s referred to when Kaidou uses an open flame stove though) Nendou burns his arm on the stove minorly not bad at all like a touch⚠️

“Listen buddy, I don’t think this is a good idea…” Nendou says patting Kaidou’s back practically knocking Kaidou’s soul out of his body.

“No, no, no! It’s the best idea I’ve ever had!” Kaidou shouts while flailing his arms around.

Nendou although reluctantly agrees.

Before they can get to far into their plan Saiki is right along side them asking what they think their doing seven though he knows good and well Kaidou wants to make you a bento box, that would result in Kaidou’s house catching on fire, or something, maybe you’d get food poisoning.

“Oh I want to make (Y/n) a bento!” Kaidou says smiling brightly at Saiki a drastic difference between Kaidou’s normal on edge about dark reunion behavior and his behavior when he spoke or even thought about you.

“Why do you want to help?” Kaidou asks hopefully as he sort of doubts Nendou’s cooking skills.

“Not really, but you might give them food poisoning if I don’t…” Saiki murmurs telepathically.

“They won’t get food poisoning!” Kaidou whines “and if they did it would be the work of dark reunion”

“Right…” Saiki says nodding his head.

“What ever come on we’re out of ingredients at home!” Kaidou says leading the three of them away from the school building and to whatever market Kaidou desired.

Around an hour in to Kaidou and Nendou trying to work a rice pot they quite and decide they might get further if they try to cook the rice on the stove which is a horrible idea, that they are able get away with as Saiki stepped out of the room to use the restroom.

Ag the most Saiki may have been gone for ten minutes! Ten minutes was all it took for Nendou and Kaidou to make about fifty mistakes, first they put two different pits of water boiling one to cook rice and the other to make macaroni.

Ok, Saiki thinks to himself, not an ounce of salt in either pots of water for the macaroni and their is a perfectly good rice pot sitting across from Nendou unplugged.

“Why wouldn’t you use the rice pot?” Saiki asks motioning towards the pot.

“It’s broken!” Kaidou huffs.

“Tried plugging it in?” Saiki plugs the rice pot in and it beeps alerting them of the heat it was about to put off as it warmed itself.

Both Nendou and Kaidou lower their gazes to the floor fumbling with their fingers as Saiki scoffs disappointedly.

“Saiki buddy, we’re out of milk do you mind?” Nendou asks and Saiki simply nods before walking out the house but not before telling you that you should probably go and see what their doing before Kaidou burns down his whole house with them inside.

Immediately after Saiki leaves Nendou burns himself on the flames of the stove. So of course Kaidou being the good host runs to get the first aid kit and in the process burns the rice he forgot to take off the flame, and suddenly the cheese packet for the macaroni is melting onto the stove as well.

It’s a mess both Kaidou and Nendou are panicking, theirs boiled water spilling over the pot, it stinks Nendou’s holding his burnt hand while Kaidou chases him with the first aid kit because Nendou is running from the water that continuesly just boiling over and dripping onto the floor, at some point Kaidou begins to just give up and prey his mom comes home soon, and when his front door is opened he thinks that maybe just maybe his prayers were answered.

They weren’t it was Saiki back with the milk, how face palms at the absolute mess the two made of the kitchen.

Almost as soon as the problem began it’s over and cleaned as the two sit in the living room waiting for Saiki to call them back in.

He calls them back in and lets Kaidou package the burnt food that tastes nasty and under seasoned and he now understands what he meant by saying he would tag along to prevent food poisoning.

All Kaidou wants to do is curl into a hall and cry, he just wants to impress you, because everyone else seems to think his child like nature is rather lame so he feels the need to impress you, he quickly ushers the other boys out of his house and curls onto the couch as he cries over the burnt food that would never impress you.

Eventually you arrive and knock softly on Kaidou’s door.

He drags his feet over to the door opening it to see you smiling at him, quickly he wipes his tears trying to hide the pink tint the tears left.

“We’re you crying?” You ask worriedly as you walk in cupping his face in your hands, if he wasn’t flushed already he would be now as you look at his glossy eyes.

He quickly shakes his head and you let out a sigh of relief, “Saiki told me that you had…” you pause trying to think of something. “Needed help cooking for someone…”

He looks at you wide eyed like a deer in headlights.

“He told you?” He whispers looking a little mortified.

“He did, but that’s ok, I’m here to help!” You say giving him a sweet smile and he nods defeatedly realizing his plan failed horrible.

“Why don’t you explain to me what happened?” You ask as he leads you into the kitchen.

“I uhmmm…” he stalls before mumbling the rest.

“What?” You also confused.

“I wanted to impress you, but I don’t do anything cool, so I thought if I made you a bento box you’d think I’m cool.” He says hiding his face in his arms.

“Oh Kaidou.” You hum “I always think you’re cool, and I think that it’s really sweet of you to try and cook for me” you reassure but seeing as he was still hiding it didn’t really work.

“I bet it wasn’t even your fault, it’s probably dark reunion possessing you.” At that his head shoots up and he’s responsive again.

“You’re right it burnt because of them” he shouts.

“Tell you what why don’t I help you cook this time?” He nods quickly accepting any time he can get to spend with you, and that’s how the two of you spend the weekend, ‘teaching’ Kaidou who really isn’t a horrible chef how to cook.

#reader insert #x reader #tdlosk x gn!reader #tdlosk x reader #tdlosk kaidou #tdlosk #kaidou shun #kaidou x reader #kaidou shun x reader #Kaidou Shun x gn!reader #💙~anon #anons

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cheekygreenty · 3 years

Text

I Know You part 2 - The Darkling x Reader

I knowwwww I took my time writing this but I think it deserves another part? Let me know 🥰

Read part 1 here.

You missed the warmth of the Little Palace and you hated that you missed Aleksander's warm embraces even more. As the tracker led you further up north, Alina and Mal reminisced on old memories and ultimately you stopped listening and kept to yourself, leaving you at the mercy of your own thoughts which were solely devoted to your intense betrayal. How could I of been so blind? You loved this man with your whole being and up until a week ago you would've gone to the ends of the earth for him and he had the audacity to lie to you. My Aleksander never existed, he was a figment of my imagination.

'Let's set up camp here.' Mal said putting his pack down with a wince. His shoulder was still badly wounded, your poor patching up did little to soften the pain. You pulled out your provisions and shared them with the others, thinking back as to whether selling the horse was a wise decision for mere hardtack.

'What do you think the General will do once he finds you with me?'' Alina never mentioned Aleksander's name and you guessed it was to avoid being questioned by Mal.

'Probably brand me a traitor and kill me.' You faced the truth head-on 'He was about to lock me away before I escaped and I'm guessing he's even angrier now.' You blurted as you chewed on the flavorless biscuit.

'Why are you here then? You can get away from Ravka, go to Ketterdam and never look back.'

'He'll find me, Alina. I might as well do something meaningful before I die.'

'What if he won't kill you?' Mal spoke up.

'I'd rather he did.' The thought of being Aleksander's prisoner struck a somber note in you and not for the reason they assumed. You didn't trust yourself enough to keep up your broken heart in Aleksander's presence for too long, that kind of love doesn't fade and around him, you were a slave to that emotion.

'We'll find the Stag and I can defeat him Y/N.' Alina sounded hopeful but at her words, you recoiled. Firstly, you knew she would fail, possibly killing Mal in the process but secondly, her statement ignited a brief spark of anger in you, a feeling of protectiveness for the man that was willing to take your life away from you. Stop being foolish. The man has killed countless times and will continue to commit atrocities in the name of power. You're better than that.

The rest of the night carried on as usual, Alina applying a salve to Mal's wound and you sitting against a tree, contemplating your life. Perhaps you should go to Ketterdam. You have connections there that would hopefully prevent you from becoming an indenture, but those connections could be used against you, a way for Aleksander to find you. Perhaps Novyi Zem would work for you. Alina and Mal had spoken about escaping there if she failed to defeat the Darkling, but you knew it was pointless. You had been by his side long enough to know there was truly no way you could hide and survive.

You know the parts of me that I showed you. His words echoed in your head as you tried to settle to sleep. Although you had uncovered his true face, you clung to his words like a lifeline. He showed you his loving side, he told you his name and his complicated relationship with Baghra, his mother. He trusted you with those things and he loved you, so he said. I do love you.

The tears came once again like they did every night. You had quickly come to understand that Alina and Mal were blind to your waterworks and were under the impression you hated Aleksander and wanted him dead as much as they did. If only they knew you fell asleep dreaming of his arms around you, whispering sweet nothings like he always did.

The snow was a thick blanket now as you approached the Fjerdan border. Mal was certain the Stag would be found any day now and with each passing moment spent dredging through the snow, you cursed your decision of coming with them. You haven't been of much use to the pair on the journey anyway, except letting the wind carry the smoke away when the fire was burning or blowing snow out from the trees when you settled for camp, but Alina insisted you were necessary. From Mal's behavior, you gathered he felt uneasy around two Grisha, so maybe Alina wanted you here to know she wasn't alone and her powers weren't strange.

You listening half-heartedly as she explained to Mal she was the one who needed to kill the animal but stopped when you heard a rustling in the distance.

'That way' Mal noticed too

'Hang on'

'What are you doing'

'I need to get closer to it' You blocked them out, your senses wholely devoted to watching the magnificent Stag. Saints, it's even more beautiful than I imagined it.

You saw her reach out and touch its snout, a light dome so bright erupting from their contact you shielded your eyes away. In doing so, you noticed the faint outline of a blue kefta in the trees, quickly heading for you.

'NO' you tried to block the shot but it was too late, the dome fell apart.

'The animal is not meant for you' Zoya bellowed as she fought to secure the stag.

You fought her in return, desperately attempting to knock her and the others off their feet but two strong hands caught you, restricting your movement.

'Take her' You heard his voice before you saw the contrast of his black attire against the snow. You fought against the soldier keeping you trapped, thrashing and kicking with all you could muster, completely ignoring the screams and shouts erupting from Mal and Alina.

He came to face you, eyeing you up and down, as if searching for any injuries. Even in the dark, you noticed the tiredness evident in his eyes with a hint of desperation. But no relief or love directed to you.

'Ivan, subdue her' was the last thing you registered before your eyes closed shut and deep sleep came over you.

***

You woke with a start, having felt no time pass in your dream-lacking slumber. The snow from earlier was replaced by lavish silks and drapes in a warm tent, his tent. You would recognize the eclipse sign from a mile away, especially on the embroidered cushion beneath your head or on the buttons of the coat you were donning. His kefta. He must’ve put it in you while you were passed out.

There were no cuffs around your wrists or restraints around your ankles as you lay in his comfortable cot surrounded by the sound of a crackling fire in the stove that always brought some level of comfort to you.

There was nobody in the tent with you, but you suspected a guard was posted by the entrance flap to ensure you didn't try anything stupid. You hesitated to get up. Will he be waiting for me? You didn't want to face him or fight him. The thoughts of a civil conversation with him withered away the more you reflected on your throbbing feeling of betrayal, but there was still that small voice in the back of your head, or rather your heart, that wanted to forget about everything and just lay with him like you did every night. The conflict caused you to cry yet again that night for exactly the same reasons as before.

You finally got up once the last tears dropped, your light footsteps carrying you over to the small fruit bowl sitting by the lamps. It was rewarding to taste the sweetness of a grape after so much time spent eating hardtack and hard cheese, all Saints willing, you'd never have to look at those things again. You heard the tent flap open and slowly, you turned to face Aleksander.

'You've been crying.' He observed and took off his heavy cape, laying it carelessly on the cot you had just slept in and standing away from you, keeping his distance although his own heart dropped to see you in such a state.

'Do you blame me?' Your voice was strong despite your appearance,

'I hope you are well-rested. The journey here mustn't've been very kind to you.'

'It was better than being your prisoner and rotting away in a cell in the Little Palace.'

'Do you really think so lowly of me Y/N?'

'I don't know what to think Aleksander.' You hugged his huge kefta closer to your body, enjoying being enveloped by his scent. Another thing that brought you comfort.

'I never lied when I said I love you.' His voice grew softer but you willed yourself to ignore it. The small voice told you to run up to him, kiss him, hold him and tell him you loved him too, but the logical part kept you firmly planted in your place.

'If I recall correctly, you said 'I love you but'...'

'You never stuck around to what I wanted to say next.'

'I doubt it would have fixed this.' You gestured to the lengthy space between your bodies and he took it as an opportunity to walk closer to you.

'Is there anything we can do to fix this?' He asked desperately and your heart leaped in your chest but it didn't last long as his hand caught your attention, The Stag.

The realization flooded over you with a jolt of pain for the second time in two weeks. Unable to hold it back, a bone-shattering sob erupted from you at the impending doom he was about to unleash on Ravka.

His eyes followed your own with anguish so obvious it hurt him, but he had to avert them fearing if he watched your pained expression any longer, he would rip out the amplifier himself without a second thought just to stop the heart-breaking sobs shaking your body. He reached out for you but stopped himself, the last thing she needed was his comfort of all people, he thought.

But you yearned for him despite the situation, so when he stepped closer once again, you rested your head on his chest still uncontrollably crying.

‘Why are you doing this’ your hands now held a deathly grip on his shirt, but all he could think about was the fact that you sought his touch out first, maybe there is some hope left.

‘For Ravka, for all Grisha.’ The answer felt automated and scripted but it was all that remained of his goal. There was nothing else, no one else, that would benefit from this except him and her.

He wrapped one arm around you and when you didn’t pull away, his other arm went to your waist, pulling you close and pressing his lips to the top of your head in an attempt to soothe you. Ironically, it had the exact opposite effect as you cried even harder because despite everything he’d done and everything he was about to do, you didn’t want to leave his side.

The conflict was rampant in your head and part of the shed tears were in an effort to calm your mind.

‘I’m going on a skiff journey across to Novokribirsk in a couple days. I wish for you to go back to the Little Palace.’ He spoke but didn’t loosen his comforting hold on you.

‘Why?’ You managed to croak out.

‘You want to come with me?’

‘I don’t know’

‘Let’s sleep. You’ve had a long day.’ He only briefly let you go to take off the kefta he placed on you earlier, but he was right back at your side as you settled against his chest on the cot. Although you had only just woken up from Ivan's induced sleep, your mind was tired from the self-hate your logical side spewed at you.

‘This is wrong. They’ll hate me for this.’ I hate myself for this.

‘If it is so wrong then tell me to go away. I’ll listen.’ You knew he would but you wanted him here with you.

‘Were you ever going to tell me?’

‘Yes. But I stopped myself after seeing how happy you were. I couldn’t bring myself to stop that.’

‘And look where it brought us. Look at me now.’ You raised your head from his chest and looked him in his onyx eyes. They radiated affection and forgiveness, both of which you were ready to give him. I’m a fool for this.

‘And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy Y/N.’ The determination in his voice pulled at your heart, for the next thing you knew your lips were on his, kissing him as if there was no tomorrow.

-----

Taglist (tell me if you want to be added !!)

@aleksanderwh0r3 @theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld @0-artemis @exo-1204 @staradorned @bookfrog242 @simp-for-ben-barners @keepdaydreamingbb @acciorudolphx @pansysgirlfriend @pansysgirlfriend @justmesadgirl @theriveroftruth

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sailtoafarawayland · 3 years

Text

The Things We Don’t Say (modern AU - Actors)

Summary: No one is perfect, and sometimes, two people are just so perfectly flawed that those pieces fit together and make something beautiful. When sparks fly between two leads of a new hit show, is there a happy ending in sight, or will their own mistakes overshadow any chance they had at something worth fighting for.

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: This is a joyfully Captain Swan story, but there are a few warnings. It does start with Emma/Neal and Killian/Milah. I don't write non-CS, so there won't be any sexual anything happening 'on screen', so to speak, between those couples, but I won't guarantee there may not be a mention. This story contains numerous episodes of cheating. If any of these things make you squick or are not your bag, carry on.

AO3 - FF

- or read below the cut -

As always, let me know if you’d like to be tagged for further updates.

Tag list: @xarandomdreamx @jrob64 @wefoundloveunderthelight @teamhook @tiganasummertree @pirateprincessofpizza @lfh1226-linda @kmomof4

Chapter One

Emma scrolled through the email her manager had sent detailing the new role she was being offered. It was something fresh, something different from what she normally focused on—no hint of a police procedural in sight—and based on the tone, it sounded like they were very interested in getting her signed for one of the leads. She stretched her legs out along the couch, digging her cold toes underneath the pillows in search of some warmth, only to yank them back when she encountered something both crinkly and wet.

“Dammit, Neal! What the hell is this?” she growled, glaring at the brown sludge coating her foot.

She leaned forward, careful to angle her toes away from any other surface, and peeled the throw pillow from the couch. Smeared across the white fabric and the expensive leather was what looked like the remainder of a milky way bar, the wrapper still clinging to the puddle of caramel and chocolate.

“You have got to be kidding me. Neal!”

The only response she got was the sound of something hitting a pan full of oil in the kitchen, the apartment filled with the sizzling hiss of something frying. Dropping her phone and forgetting all about the email she’d just been reading, she hobbled down the hall into the bathroom to clean up, wondering how in the hell to get out a chocolate and caramel stain. Why he couldn’t just learn to clean up after himself was beyond understanding. Sometimes it felt like she was living with a teenager who never wanted to grow up, and she couldn’t help but long for the days when her apartment was clean and didn’t smell like whatever weird odor it was that Neal always brought home—grease and cigarette smoke, maybe.

Her foot finally clean enough to be walked on, she headed into the kitchen to get some paper towels only to be greeted by what looked like every dish she owned spread out on the counters and island. Every surface was dusted in flour and drips of batter, measuring spoons leaving trails of oil and sugar across the floor and counters alike.

“Oh my god,” she cringed, knowing the mess would be left for her. “What are you doing?”

“I was wondering when you’d get off the phone,” Neal poked, giving her a quick glance over his shoulder before motioning proudly over the mess that just seemed to get worse each time she looked at it. “I’m cooking.”

The casual way he always stabbed at her phone use was exactly what she didn’t want to hear right now. Maybe she wouldn’t have to spend so much time working if he bothered looking for something himself. He’d had a recurring role on a family comedy when they met, but he’d been fired not long after, and for the last six months, Emma was pretty sure he hadn’t even gone to any of the auditions she’d mentioned. In fact, she wasn’t even sure if he had an agent anymore.

“When was the last time you had a Milky Way?” she asked, choosing to ignore his snide comment. She just wasn’t in the mood.

“That’s a weird question. I don’t know, maybe last week? You didn’t pick any up the last time you ran to the store.”

Emma nodded, her lips drawn tight as she tore paper towels from the rack and returned to the living room, pulling what she could of the melted mass from the couch and thinking she’d need to resort to Google to get the rest out. Her anger bubbled with every sticky string of caramel that wrapped around her fingers. Why couldn’t he go to the store on his day off? He only had seven of them. She stomped back into the kitchen, hitting the garbage can a little harder than necessary and tossing the mess of chocolate and paper inside.

There was just enough room in the overload sink—what had he used the colander for—that she could wash her hands.

“There’s leftovers in the fridge. What was so important that you had to turn the entire kitchen into a complete disaster?” she questioned, already adding up how much time it would take her to wash and wipe everything down.

She’d be lucky if she was able to get back to her manager before tomorrow as requested.

“You remember that travel show we watched the other night?” he prodded, his eyes glued to the pan as it hissed on the stovetop, a spatula held ready in his hand. “You mentioned you hadn’t had good churros since that trip to Mexico, so I thought maybe I’d make you some.”

The anger that had been just about to boil over slipped away to that place far enough below everything else that she could just go back to ignoring it.

“Neal,” she sighed, suddenly more exhausted than anything else. “Thanks.”

“Of course, Ems—anything for you.”

In the living room her phone blared to life, the dark tones of The Imperial March echoing as it vibrated across the coffee table.

“Work calls,” Neal sniped, a trace of resentment running beneath the pleasant smile he fixed in her direction. “Wouldn’t want to keep Regina waiting.”

It was amazing how quickly that anger came right back to the top of everything, and she found her feet pushing her as far away from Neal as possible, snatching her phone from the table and forgetting entirely about the couch as she stormed into the bedroom.

“What?” she hissed, slamming the door behind her and clenching the cell like it was something she wanted to crush. “What is so important that you couldn’t give me a few more hours, Regina?”

The other end of the line was silent, as if Regina had either hung up, or was waiting for an apology. Well, she wasn’t getting one—not today.

“Is there something you needed, Regina?”

“Are you okay?” Regina asked, not as a friend, but as an employee that was curious to know how soon she would have to contact Emma’s PR team and inform them a mental breakdown was imminent.

“I’m fine. It’s just a bad time. I got the details you sent. I just haven’t read through everything yet.”

“Well, that explains why I haven’t heard from you. Honestly, I thought you cared more about your career than that. I was quite clear this was urgent. Don’t take your time with this one, Miss Swan—they want you, but they can’t wait much longer.”

The line went dead after Regina had delivered her scolding and Emma sighed, dropping to the bed and rolling onto her back as she flicked back into her email and started again from the top. It was an interesting premise with even more depth than she’d originally thought—a new series that centered on the mental health of a man who had developed delusions after a car accident that took his brother, leading him to believe everyone in the hospital was a character from a fairy tale world—but then she got the part that Regina really focused on, the money.

“Holy shit!” Emma gasped, double checking the figures and thinking how she’d never seen such a good offer—not for someone in her bracket. It was unheard of. “I guess they really do want me.”

It wasn’t until she read through the rest of the itinerary and details that she wondered if the big paycheck wasn’t recompense for the filming location and duration—the middle of Nowhere, Maine, as if Maine wasn’t already considered the middle of nowhere.

She read everything twice before she shot Regina a quick text.

E: I’ll take it

The message had only just sent and there were already three ellipses following. Emma could practically hear her manager’s smug response.

R: I knew you would. I’ll be in touch.

There should have been nerves fluttering in her stomach, or at least a solid pit of dread at the prospect of having to walk into the kitchen and tell Neal, but there was nothing. It was a big decision to move across the country for what could be a long-term role, but it was still her decision to make.

Hopefully, he would be happy for her, he would understand that this had the potential of lifting her out of her rut and providing great income for the foreseeable future. There were some great names attached, veterans of the industry that were looking to branch out into a new genre.

She was excited for the first time in a long time.

She didn’t need to feel guilty, at least that was what she told herself as a niggling pang of guilt worked its way into her chest.

It would be good to break it to him gently though, to put a good spin on it.

The minutes ticked by and she finally realizing she couldn’t put it off any longer, she wandered into the kitchen, her arms crossed in front of her as she looked for him, but the apartment was empty. The stove was turned off and a plate, probably the last clean one, was waiting on the counter with a pile of golden churros perched on top of a greasy paper towel.

Next to it was another torn paper towel with a note scratched onto it in sharpie.

The boys called and I’m heading out for a few beers. Don’t wait up. Enjoy the churros.

She waited for the anger to bubble back to the top, but there was nothing—no anger, no guilt, just a deep, hollow nothingness that grew and yawned as she fingered the scrap of a note transparent with oily fingerprints. Feeling like maybe this job had come at the best possible time, she picked up the plate of churros and walked over to the trash, watching them slide in with the rest of the garbage.

#Captain Swan #cs ff #cs fanfic #emma and hook #sailtoafarawayland #modern au #actors #the things we don't say

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shawnpetermuffins · 5 years

Text

In Case You Didn't Know

(Based off In Case You Didn't Know by Brett Young)

Summary: Shawn's so in love with you, but he doesn't know how to say it.

A/n: this is all over the place, theres time jumps and flashbacks and no real distinction between them, so yeah. I actually really like this song and I might end up writing some more stories based off songs, so let me know if you want that.

Requested: no

Warnings: just fluff

***

I can't count the times / I almost said what's on my mind / but I didn't

She's sleeping soundly on the couch, head laying on the arm rest, blanket up to her shoulders. She's absolutely beautiful, I think to myself. Her hair falls messily in her face, lips parted with a soft snore, and even though she's covered, I know her arms are wrapped around her middle in an attempt to keep warm in this arctic apartment of mine. I make a mental note to turn on the heater after I take her up to bed. She couldn’t even make it through half of the movie before her eyes became heavy, and if I was interested in watching the movie, I wouldn’t have even noticed, but I was watching her the whole time. It’s the first time I’ve been able to see her this way, completely exhausted from studying for her exams, hair a mess, face bare and slightly red and blotchy from stress crying.

I want so badly to wake her sleeping figure and tell her to just quit, come on the road with me for the second leg of tour. I’ll take care of everything; I’ll take care of her. Anything she wants, it’s hers, no questions asked. But I can’t tell her that. Because no matter how stressed she is now, I know it doesn’t change how incandescently happy she is when she talks about her favorite class, her favorite professor. The way she talks about all the things she’s going to change when she finishes school.

Just the other day / wrote down all the things I’d say / but I couldn’t / I just couldn’t

Being with her only a few months, eight to be exact, I keep finding myself refraining from telling her how I feel. And I know that being on tour for six out of the eight months we’ve been together is definitely taking a toll on her, and me too. I’m never here when she needs me, and to see her the way she is right now, I know that I can’t keep these feelings from her much longer.

Because if she’s crying over a test that she’s about to take when I am here, I’m scared to know what she cries about when I’m not. Does she cry about me? About me not being here? When I left before, she held in the tears - so did I - but we’d only been together a month. Maybe she didn’t want to seem too attached. I know I didn’t, but Brian knows how much leaving her put me in this week long funk. I called and texted her constantly until I realized that doing that only made it even harder to be away from her. So I calmed a bit, not by choice, but by necessity.

Seeing her sleeping so peacefully, now curled in my sheets, hugging my pillow, I can’t help but smile. I could write a million songs just about this moments alone, and that’s exactly what I go back to the living room to do. To write yet another song about the girl in my bed, hoping and praying that she’ll still be there come daybreak.

Baby I know that you’ve been wondering / mmm, so here goes nothing / in case you didn’t know / baby I’m crazy ‘bout you

Sheets of paper litter the top of the piano, the coffee table, literally any surface that was once clear isn't now. I'm scribbling out a new lyric, and start strumming the melody that's been stuck in my head since she fell asleep next to me.

My mind is a jumbled mess. She has me feeling every possible emotion and I can't convey it in just one song. So every new idea gets written down and I hope I'll find a place for it in another song later. I'm going crazy, my mind working faster than my hand can write, and the song doesn't sound right with the guitar riff, but then it doesn't sound right with the piano. It's all wrong. None of it is good enough for her and I need it to be good enough.

And I would be lying if I said that I could live this life without you / even though / I don't tell you all the time / You had my heart a long, long time ago / in case you didn't know

I know it hasn't even been a year and I sound like a love sick puppy. And that if you ask anyone that doesn't know me personally, they'd say that this relationship is all for show. That I'm doing it for the publicity. That she's getting paid. None of it's true.

She's everything I have ever wanted. Ever needed. And its so hard for me to think back to even just nine months ago. I wonder how I did anything before her. How did I cope with my anxiety when she wasn't there coaxing me through it, lulling me back to reality and not the fucked up place my mind always wandered to?

If I can't think back to nine months ago, before she became my everything, how am I supposed to look forward and not see her in every possible situation that I could be put it?

The way you look tonight / that second glass of wine / that did it, mmm

Dinner at her apartment is everything. Except she won't let me actually cook. She's scared I'll burn the building down. Which, to be fair, could very well happen. So I'm only allowed to cut things, and of course pour her wine. She's stirring the rice while I sit at the little bar area, head resting in my hand while I stare lovingly at her. Her cheeks are slightly pink from both the heat from the stove and from the glass of red she's sipping from.

"You're staring," she says softly, and looks over at me.

I clear my throat and look down at my half empty glass, "Sorry. Can't help it. You're just so pretty."

She looked down at her outfit, and squinted skeptically at me. "Jeans and a two-sizes-too-big flannel? Oh yeah, I'm sure I look real cute," she replies sarcastically, with a disbelieving eye roll.

"You do," I say, matter-of-factly. "With you hair pulled up like that," I gesture to pony tail that was currently falling because she didn't wrap the rubber band around enough. "And your eyes just being as beautiful and bright as ever. How could I not stare at you forever?"

This causes her to become even more red, if that's possible, and I pull out my phone, swiftly snapping a picture of her because she is just so pretty and I want to see her like this forever.

"Stop it!" She whines, turning away from me.

"But you look so cute," I say, turning my phone around so she can see the vibrant blush on her cheeks.

She just shakes her head and takes another sip. I can't help but watch the way her lips curve around the lip of the glass, and my whole body tingles at the promise of those lips touching mine later.

There was something 'bout that kiss/ girl it did me in / got me thinking / I've been thinking

I pull her body close to mine when she puts the dishes in the sink. "Thank you for tonight," I mumble into her shoulder.

She hums and her hands cover mine on her stomach. "You're welcome bub. So glad you could make some time for a meal this week. I was starting to think you didn't eat," she says teasingly.

I manage a small apology, pressing my lips to the soft skin of her collar bone. I know I've been literally everywhere but with her this week and it's been killing me. But even just a night like this was enough to make me forget about all my stress up to this point.

She turns her head to face me and plays with my currently overfluffy curls. "I adore you, my little rockstar," she whispered into my hair.

I look up at her with a sleepy smile and hooded eyes. I only have a second to react before her lips press to mine in a soft, passionate kiss. And all I can think is that I could stay this way for the rest of my life and never get tired of the feel of her lips.

One of those things that I've been feeling / mmm, it's time you hear 'em

I'm still watching her as we wash the dishes together. She's washing, I'm drying. It's the simplest of systems, but it's also so domesticated and it makes me sad knowing that I can't give her that domestic life one day. Husband a d kids, nice suburban home to come to every night. I'm traveling too often to give her that simple life that she so desperately deserves, even though she's told me before that she doesn't care about that.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks after washing the last plate, handing it to me. I smile sheepishly at the way she's leaning against the counter, one leg crossed in front of the other, hands playing with the neck of her shirt.

I finish drying the plate before I speak. I place the towel I was holding on the counter and reach for her hands. "Can I tell you something, pumpkin?"

You've got all of me / I belong to you / yeah you're my everything / in case you didn't know

"Anything," she squeezes my hands reassuringly.

I can't look into her eyes, so I stare at our linked hands and sigh contently at the feel of her small, soft, cold hands in my large, calloused, hot hands. I don't know why telling her this is so hard for me, it shouldn't be. I write about love all the time.

But I've never felt it. Not like this. Not when my heart feels like it's literally about to burst out of my chest when she smiles at me. Not when I can't help but stumble on my way to her because I'm staring so hard that I trip over my own feet. Not when an interviewer asks me what my favorite thing about going home is and my immediate thought is her. She's my home. Whether we live together or not. She's it. She's my everything and that's fucking terrifying. I never thought I would become this dependent on someone else.

"Bub, what's going on inside that beautiful head of yours?" She asks, breaking me from my own thoughts, trying to catch my eye.

I swallow the lump forming in my throat and finally meet her intense gaze. If I had to decipher what that look meant, I'd say she was looking at me the same way I look at her. With that endless amount of love, lust, compassion, and adoration that my expression hopefully conveys. Why she chose me of all the people to be with, I'll never know. But she did. So I say it.

"I love you," I finally manage to say, but it's so low I don't even know if she heard me.

She doesn't respond for a while and I'm searching her face for any sign that it'll give me, saying that I crossed a line, that we weren't ready. But just as I'm opening my mouth to apologize, her lips cover mine, tongue slipping effortlessly into my mouth. And I hold her body tight against me, so tight I don't think she can breathe properly, but she makes no move to leave my arms and I have no intention of letting her go. So I hold her while we kiss under the harsh light of her kitchen and I let out a low whimper when she goes to ultimately pull away.

"Say it again," she begs.

And I do, kissing her cheek. "I love you." Her nose, "I love you." Her forehead, "I love you." And finally, once again. Her lips. "I love you."

She sighs, eyes fluttering shut while her fingers trace my jaw and then the curves of my mouth, my nose. "I love you, too." She kisses both of my eyelids before she says it again. "I love you so much."

***

Tags: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste

I've literally been writing this since February and it's not even the way I wanted it 🤷‍♀️ but I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. A little fluff to counteract with the angst I gave y'all on Wednesday.

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn peter raul #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes smut #smfsource

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angocanhha · 2 years

Text

so if i change my url, does that mean ...

hello, i'm back, second day. good job me. it's tuesday, march 22, 2022, 8:09am. what a moment, if i'm living in the moment. i feel very babbly rn.

i can see the moon fading from my window. it's so nice. it's also interesting how the sun shines on the moon.

the anger in me. i realize have anger. i used to think, when listening to advice on how to deal w anger, i barely ever get angry. but i realize, my annoyances are also a type of anger. when i get irritated or judgemental of how another person acts, like my parents, that can be classified as anger. and so i think i'm quite an angry person. my anger is present almost all the time. it's the stove that keeps the food warm, except this food, doesn't taste that good.

so i'm looking to transform my anger, now that i've recognized it. i'm quite angry w my father. and i feel sad about that. i wish i could be warm and fresh w him. but i hold anger. i can't let it go, yet. i intend to let it go, i would like to heal. is that even possible?

when i was at the monastery, co quyen would say, you can improve your relationship w your parents. i thought, i love my parents, i'm very friendly w them, she obviously doesn't know me. but, maybe she knows a part of me that i won't recognize within myself. or maybe she got lucky and guessed correctly based on her vast living experience. whatever the case, living w my parents, i am facing our connection and time from the past. it lives in the present moment.

i used to be- i used to be upbeat, loving, forgetful/forgiving. i used to be optimistic, naive, impulsive. now, around my parents, i'm just trying to survive. i'm just trying to pace myself, take care of my emotions so i don't explode and need to move out. i've moved out so many times. i've exploded so many times. my mom wants to stay in this house bc it's brought us good luck, but there are blemishes in the walls, the floors cover secret spirits that rise up to the skylight, trying to escape, trying to be released from this realm.

how fortunate i am to have an opportunity to be in despair. my problems, luckily, are first world problems. they are the problems of a global south citizen moved north. but a knife in the body, still hurts, no matter how pretty the handle is. i'm lucky i won't die from this wound, i mean. i'm lucky that there are relatively more resources to heal this wound.

i'm getting back into the filmmaking mindset, this time really trying to commit to acting as 'time runs out.' so many times i've left, and each time i've come back. i don't know what i'm saying anymore. maybe i should read and revise instead.

good luck my love. i know today is another day to go at it. live your best life as deeply as you can. i love u very much, and i am always here w u. i am always cheering u on and comforting u as long as u remember to come back to me. thank u for choosing happiness and well-being. thank u for taking care of yourself, taking breaks, and connecting w the essence of life. have a great day and hopefully, i'll see u tomorrow~

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existentialstatesofmind · 7 years

Conversation

Opening Up

Clare: couldn’t imagine living with so many people. Sure she got lonely because her parents were too busy fighting to pay as much attention to her as they used to. But she didn’t wish she had more siblings. She just wanted Darcy to come home so she wouldn’t have to go through ‘the divorce’ alone. She smiled at Kota. He was here for her and that’s all she needed from him. Clare always felt a little better when she got these things off her chest. Of course it was really her family who needed to hear her out. All she could do was keep trying. “You’ve got it. Oh god, can you imagine? Ten years from now.” She chuckled. “You want to belong there. Be apart of everything. As long as you’re happy, I wouldn’t want you to leave anyway. I’d miss you at school.” She kissed his cheek. “It probably is. I don’t think most people trust their kids to watch each other. Or use the stove.” Clare nodded. She wasn’t sure if Darcy had an extended visa or what. Traveling overseas was completely new to her. Clare would be using an (expedited) passport for the first time on this trip. She tried not to think about the long flight and all the security checkpoints they’d have to go through because it made her nervous. “So teenagers in Japan have a lot more responsibility. Maybe freedom too?” Clare concluded. “I’m looking forward to that part myself.” They’d still have adults to answer to but no one was going to come up with as many crazy rules as her mom. “Yeah. I know. Hopefully we won’t spend the whole semester feeling lost.” She shrugged. “Fine with me. I don’t want to make enemies. I’ll also wear a press pass around my neck so they’re less likely to get the wrong idea. I kinda know why Yohio has fans but what’s the deal with Yamanishi?” She asked curiously. Clare didn’t want to be out of the loop. If his fan girls were going to be jealous of her just for talking to him she should know why. “Marilyn was so talented! It's such a shame people forget what she was famous for in the first place, acting. I love classic movies.” Clare gushed, pleased she’d had at least one thing in common with Makayla. “Of course I’m more of a Audrey Hepburn type.” She admitted, laughing at the idea of anyone comparing her to Marilyn Monroe. “At ten, I think my main hobby was playing barbies. Well besides reading.” Which was why it was hard to think of anything else to ask. She’d changed so much and Makayla would’ve too. Clare bit her lip. “No it’s not fun to be sick.” She muttered. Her whole face lit up and she returned the kiss. “I love you too. That’s the first time we said the words to each other you know. I never said them to a boy before.” She whispered leaning back against Kota and entwining her fingers with his. She was a lot more comfortable sitting on Kota’s lap now than she’d been at first. “I don’t know much longer we should stay.” Clare added nodding towards Jill.

Kota: smiled when Clare kissed his cheek. "I'd miss you too." he spoke. "In Japan most girls are taught to cook young, though some refuse and learn later. Those that cook young are mainly the ones that babysit young. If your family has a restaurant or cafe in Japan it's run by the family from ages 6 and up, though they have small jobs and choose what they want to do. If you start to get bad grades while holding a job, you're forced to quit. As for freedom, students are only able to work Saturday after school, all day Sunday, and days they're off school such as winter vacation. They only get more freedom if they don't have a job. Which reminds me we'll be ahead of everyone when we get back." he explained and listened to her when she mentioned getting lost. "You won't. I know the halls there having wondered around them before looking for Yohio when I was there last summer." he explained. "Well it was our summer.." he trailed off. "Crap, I keep calling us third years when we'll only be second years in Japan. Their High School life is only three years grades 10-12. I'll have two managers in Kendo Club this year since the new manager will be leaving second semester next year." he explained to her. "Also in Japan you don't eat in the cafeteria, you eat in your homeroom unless you're me and I eat on the roof and the entire school goes to lunch at the same time which is 1pm. On Mondays we have no after noon classes because we have an hour long homeroom rather than a five minute homeroom. And our classes change in March based on how you did on your midterm, I'm going to take the midterm, but for you it's optional and you have a class with Eli, Alli, and everyone since I'm going to World History, you will also have music with them while I go to calligraphy." he added and chuckled when she mentioned wearing a press pass. "Sorry, but they won't know what that is. There are no school papers in Japan and suggesting one is futile because the clubs are only an hour long and third years leave their clubs in the first or second week of the school year." he said honestly. "Yamamishi has a fan club strictly because he's the school president. School presidents are determined by entrance exams, the student that has the highest school upon entering is made the school president which is the highest honor in school. He has no club activities other than student council, he has the final decision on what's happening in Cultural Festival and Sports Festival, as well as the same duties school presidents have here only if Yamamishi's grades drop he loses the title and the vice president takes over." he said and rubbed the back of his head. "I was told I also have a fan club in Japan by a friend, though my fan club isn't as bad as Yohio's. Said friend already told everyone I have a girlfriend so once I enter the school gates with you and let everyone know you're my girlfriend, girls will leave you alone simply because I'll know if they do something and if anyone in the fan club upsets me, the whole club turns against them. It's like that with all fan clubs in schools." he let out knowing he had to tell her before she found out from someone else. "Audrey was Makayla's second favorite." he chuckled. "I can't tell you if she played Barbies or not because I never saw them. If she did she hid them really well when I came over." he shrugged and listened to Clare. The moment she mentioned it was their first time exchanging I love you's he covered his face with his hands so Clare couldn't see him blush. "I'm happy I said that and that you love me back, but I wasn't thinking when I said it." he exclaimed as he kept his hands over his face. "You're the first girl I said those words to as well." he nodded as he kept his hands over his face for a few more moments when Clare mentioned Jill. "We can leave if you want." he said and Jill looked at him. "Can you sing my favorite part of Bombs on Monday?" she asked softly and Kota moved Clare so she was in between his legs and his arms were wrapped around her middle. "That's too depressing plus I don't want it to hit too close to home for Clare so I'll sing a different part." he assured and pulled Clare closer to him. "Eyes like hazel twinkle in the starlight even when they're crying even when they're crying. Constellations forming out of scar lines even when they're dying love will still be trying." he sang and hummed the tune to help her sleep. "Ready to go?" he asked.

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