#honestly was going into this season excited but cautious
Text
That episode was so good though!?! AND THE NACE OF IT ALL, I lost my mind with every interaction.
#honestly was going into this season excited but cautious#but they really blew my expectations away#this ep was amazing#nancy drew#nancy drew spoilers#maybe spoilers?#tagging it anyways
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝑀𝑜𝓊𝓉𝒽𝓎 𝒪𝓃𝑒 𝒱 — 𝐵𝓇𝒾𝒹𝑔𝑒𝓇𝓉𝑜𝓃
♕ A/N: Yeah so this hiatus has been so criminal. Honestly my “writers block” has just been insecurity. I’ve gotten into this bad habit of comparing my writing styles to others and that is such a viscous and toxic self attack. Long story short, I’m a little dummy who needs to remember why I got into fanfic writing in the first place, to have fun. If you feel like it. Please please please send feedback. There’s one final part left. Maybe some bonus chapters with the new season.
♕ SUMMARY: Oh, the most scandalous season of the year has come to pass. After quite the successful year for the Bridgerton’s the eldest son plans to throw his hat in the ring. Concurrently the Sharma sisters do just the same. One a spinster, the other hopeful romantic, and the middle daughter? What can be said about such a force that is not said when she enters the room. Good luck to all who pursue her.
♕ WORD COUNT: 4.7K
♕ WARNINGS: None
previous — Masterlist — next
BLINK. SMILE. NOD. You remind yourself every few seconds. Edwina leads the conversation with a jubilant smile.
Meanwhile, you tally each time Kate’s gaze meets your own as she watches you walk a tightrope, waiting for an inevitable fall. You sit out of place, Kate on your right and your mother on your left. Both rubbing the mustard yellow onto Edwina’s arms, your nose scrunching at the pungent wafts of Haldi. Each time Edwina’s gaze meets your own, you smile. You tilt your head, doing what you do best, offering your unwavering support—no matter how much your chest knots.
“Didi, are you okay? You are so quiet,” Edwina says, leaning forward to capture your gaze. You smile, lying through your teeth, “You are to be wed soon. I shall miss you, is all Bon.”
“You must calm yourself, Bon. Keep still,” Kate smiles down at a jittery Edwina. Her joy practically spills out, her every move indicating pure excitement.
”It is all so strange. I have faced a thousand tomorrows, but they all have been leading to this one,” You pause. Tomorrow. Every laugh, jest, slight—all of it leading to tomorrow. The day you make a fool of yourself—the mark of your first-ever regret. Though your mother speaks, the words do not reach you. The sinking in your chest renders you silent, almost queasy.
”Oh, it has...caused you doubts?” Kate’s cautious tone has your ears perking up, and your absent gaze finds Edwina. Your mother nudges you with a gentle smile, a reminder of her presence.
”Bringing the wedding forward is a sign of genuine feeling, but...well,” Edwina pauses, a sigh leaving her lips as she finds her words. Your heart was banging against your ribcage as Edwina glanced at you. “It has unnerved me. Didi, perhaps you should truly consider Lord Beauregard’s proposal. He’s a wonderful companion to you, and he seems to care. That way, we can navigate all this together.”
”I don’t know, Bon. It’s a lot to consider,” You tilt your head, a tight-lipped smile across your lips, "but right now is not about me or Lord Beauregard. It’s about you and the Viscount.”
“Your sister is right. Rest assured, Edwina, the Viscount adores you. He has devotedly courted you and made his intentions clear from our first arrival. Even going out of his way to procure (Y/n)’s and Kate’s approval. There is no lady better suited for the Viscount,” Your mother’s adoration beams on her prized child, your expression faltering nearly imperceptibly.
“I just—I still wish that when he looks at me, I could be certain that he truly loves me. Like—like—“ Edwina looks around as though the words sit in the room with all of you. Then her gaze finds yours again, “Like how Lord Beauregard looks at (Y/n). His fondness for
her is so evident, written right on his face. I fear, in fact, that the Viscount does not look at me often enough to even tell.”
Your mother and Kate glance at each other with a collective sigh. You lower your gaze, fiddling with the top lace of your peach gown and swallowing the sizzling golf ball in your throat. Kate speaks softly, this time avoiding your direction entirely, “Looks can be powerful, Bon, but also fleeting. Displays of mere passion, perhaps. Nothing more.”
”So the Viscount feels little passion for me?” Edwina exclaims, amusement dancing in her gaze as your mother chuckles. You force a chuckle from your lips, quiet and timid, the antithesis of your very being.
Clearing your throat, forcing a smile to the surface, you grin, “What Kate is failing at saying is that true love is different. It’s complicated and unpredictable. That’s the fun of it. It’s there when you least expect it. You worry now, but fear not, Bon, when it clicks, it clicks.”
“Since when have you become so knowledgeable about love, Miss, avoiding marriage and love?” Your mother teases. Each of your giggles fills the room, and for a moment, only a moment, the dread no longer exists. For a moment you are back in India, in your childhood home.
You cringe at the sudden intrusion, turmeric overwhelming your nostrils as Edwina’s hand gently swipes the mixture across your cheek. Her saccharine giggle contrasted with your wide-eyed stare. She speaks with a whimsical glint in her eyes. One like your own but doe-eyed and hopeful, not calculated and mischievous. “It is said, when spread on an unmarried person, Haldi will help them find a worthy partner that brings the complicated and unpredictable excitement too.”
”Well, Haldi can mind their business,” You tilt your head with a sarcastic smile, earning your mother's pointed stare. Kate chuckles and shakes her. Edwina turns to Kate, who offers a warning stare.
“Now, now. You shall receive it too,” Edwina says, stroking the Haldi across Kate’s cheeks. You fail to ignore the Haldi on your cheeks. It sits like a reminder that tomorrow will come whether you are prepared or not. You shall watch him marry Edwina. Your sister, nieces, and nephews shall be his—but never you.
“Hey!” You exclaim, once again pulled from your thoughts as your mother spreads Haldi across your chest. Reaching into the mixture only takes seconds before the four of you make a mess of it. The giggles are seemingly endless.
Despite the joyous moment, it’s fleeting as the hours seem to fly. Before you know it, you stand in a lavender gown that matches Kate's. You maintain an expression void of emotion, seemingly zoning out—the subtle indicators, near imperceptible. Light sweat coated your brow, and deep sighs left you as though the air was limited. You thank every and any god above for the smokescreen that keeps your beloved family from noticing. Sitting by the window as servants help Edwina prepare, you watch as Kate retrieves the gold bracelet with emeralds dancing across the band.
Edwina stands in front of the full-length mirror. Her eyebrows pinch at the sight she catches in the reflection. Her smile was curious and of awe, “Didi? What are those?”
”I brought them with us from home. I knew this season would be a success,” Kate smiles down at Edwina as she closely inspects them with a warm gaze. You keep your gaze outside the window, willing yourself to ignore every ailment that plagues you. Far too busy pondering potential ways to avoid attending Edwina’s pending nuptials.
Edwina’s head tilts as she searches for familiarity, “they are quite beautiful. How have I never seen them before?”
“They belonged to my mother. Amma wore them on her wedding day and saved them,” Edwina asks if they were saved for Kate. Kate chuckles lightly, “I brought them for you. I insist, beautiful bangles for a beautiful bride.”
”Will you wear them with me?” Edwina asks, but Kate shakes her head, assuring Edwina she will be no bride any time soon. Edwina’s gaze shifts to you, “Well then, Didi, you may very well be a bride soon. Could you wear one with me?”
“Bon—“ You sigh, your gaze meets Kate. The pity in your eyes only furthers the stir in your chest.
“I’m so nervous, but you are the bravest person I know. I don’t know, it may be silly, but wearing this, I shall have a piece of Kate with me up at the altar and knowing you’re wearing it too,” Edwina pauses, her gaze pleading as she holds the bracelet out to you, “It’ll be like we’re in this together. Maybe I can channel some of your courage.”
At the touch of your fingertips, the metal chills against your skin as it soon shackles you to your living nightmare. As Edwina returns to getting ready, you visibly falter for the first time. While your sweet little sister fails to see it, Kate’s quickly at your side. She excuses the both of you slyly, your hands trembling in hers as you both exit the room.
“Bon—“ Kate says, but you offer her a sharp, “don’t.”
You walk with haste to the nearest glass, throwing down a quick shot, ignoring Kate’s advisory against alcohol. Your eyes are misty as your defenses crumble around you. Taking a deep breath, you quickly steel yourself, marching back into the room, rendering Kate unable to console you.
It all passes in a blur as you stare absently out of the window once more. The arriving guests. The bracelets. The wedding gown. Your mother's gushing of Edwina’s beauty in her gown only fuels the fire that slowly burns from the inside out.
“Didi,” you gaze from the window onto your approaching sister. She smiles warmly, taking both your hands. Your heart caught in your throat when she said, “You love him.”
“Wha—I—uh?” You stammer, eyes widening as you try to wrap your brain around her easygoing persona.
“You should not be afraid to tell Lord Beauregard how you feel. You have been nothing like yourself, and I’ve forgotten you have not seen Lord Beauregard in some time now, and you shall see him today. Just tell him,” Edwina says, smiling sweetly. The panic fades into a tremendous relief as your shoulders fall.
“Today is your day. Don’t worry about me, Bon,” You smile, gently squeezing her hands.
“Oh, my beautiful girls,” Your mother says, her gaze moving between you. Her gaze lingers on you for a moment longer, her eyebrow pinching, but the door opening steals her attention away. Concurrently, your body tenses.
“Come. Let us put all the nasty gossip behind us for once and for all,” Your mother stands, taking one of your hands and Edwina’s. Kate joins, taking your own and Edwina’s free hands. She offers you a comforting squeeze. “Let us give the ton a wedding to remember and show them who we truly are.”
Outside the curtains, you stand at Kate's side as if a prisoner were standing before the guillotine. Your corset seemingly constricting as your mind fails to move your legs. You grip Kate’s hand tighter, your ears ringing so loudly you can hardly hear your whisper to her, “I fear I cannot do this, Didi.”
”You are the strongest person I know, Bon. You can. I’m with you all the way. For better or worse,” she whispers. Looking up at her, you blink back tears, and a nervous chuckle leaves you with a final quick whisper: “It sounds as if we are to be wed.”
Kate lets out a soft as she gently pulls you along with her. Servants pull the sheer curtains away as you both pass through. Your gaze finds William in seconds, sitting with Aunt the Queen. His gaze was cold and focused on the groom. You never meet the groom's gaze despite it searing a hole into your head.
You curtsy to the Queen, and William’s gaze remains behind you. As you take your place behind Kate, your gaze meets the grooms for only a second—your breath hitch as you approach the entrance, awaiting the inevitable. A smile takes your face at the sight of your mother and Edwina. Despite everything, your dear little sister always amazes you with her beautiful presence.
Archbishop begins the ceremony, but his words do not reach you. The ringing of your ears grows louder, your right hand soon fiddling at your side. Your smile falters into an absent stare as the bangle on your wrist becomes more noticeable than the gown that covers much of your skin. You let out a shaky exhale, your left hand crushing the stems of your bouquet.
Squaring your shoulders, you take a deep breath and stare forward. A weak smile on your lips as Benedict shoots you a wink—the calm brief as your gaze meets the groom. You refocus on Benedict, but it’s mere seconds, and you both return. The bobbing of his Adams apple, light sweat above his brow, his gaze unfocused, hazy—perhaps you imagine it. You are in Edwina’s place, standing before Anthony, not with a joyous smile but a smug one. A reminder that each day would be a challenge, one you’d both happily accept—a future.
“My lord,” The Archbishop shatters the fantasy with a firmness, tearing your gaze from him; you focus on Kate’s shoulder.
A brief reprieve as the wedding crashes violently with the present reality. Your left hand grips the bouquet stems so tightly it rips beneath the force of your palm as your right hand trembles at your side, the bengal sliding menacingly around your wrist. You tense as your racing heart becomes your only focus, clashing with the loud ringing in your ears.
Anthony looks around the room, and again, his gaze finds you. Edwina’s eyebrows pinch as she follows his gaze. You do not look up from Kate’s shoulder, confident that one wrong move shall bring your end. Even as Edwina turns back, prompting Anthony, his gaze flicks to your unwavering stare on Kate’s shoulder. Your trembling hand matches the pace of your raging heart as you force your tears to remain in your lids.
“I, Lord Anthony Bridgerton,” Archbishop recites, his words ringing loudly in your ears as they hit you head-on. The bengal slips from your wrist, releasing you from its confines. Your eyes close with a sigh of relief as everything quiets. Anthony stands before you when your eyes open, holding the bengal out to you. You glance at Kate, her gaze panicked as she looks between Anthony and yourself.
Lifting your hand, you falter for a second; the moment has lasted far longer than it should. Your gaze locks with his own as you reach out cautiously. His thumb brushes against your own faintly at the touch of the metal. Muttering a thank you and apology, you return to your spot with your gaze low and lips pursed, holding the bengal not placing it back on.
“I need a moment!” Edwina shouts, her voice echoing through the silence. Your eyes widen, and she’s rushing down the aisle from the altar before you can even process. A sea of indiscernible chatter fills the room as you watch your mother rush after Edwina. It all soon returns, the ringing in your ears and your chest constricting. William rises from his seat, his gaze gentle as he stares at you. You look everywhere but at Anthony. Kate grabs your hand, pulling you back down the aisle out of the ceremony.
”—we will call for tea, and once you have something in your stomach, you will be strong enough to go back out there. The Viscount—“ You stand in the doorway, Kate standing a few paces in front of you, your mother a few in front of her. Edwina paces the room, taking deep, haggard breaths. Your mother fumbles to recover the moment, “The Viscount will understand, yes Kate? (Y/n), dear, perhaps you might find that tea—“
“It is not tea that I want; it is the truth!” You freeze in place as Edwina looks at you in a way you have never seen her look at anyone. Though words enter your mind, they do not leave your parted lips. Your mother voices her confusion as you stand as a deer in headlights, teary-eyed and guilty. Edwina continues mercilessly, “Still uncharacteristically quiet, sister, how telling of your deceitful nature!”
“I don’t understand what is happening,” Your mother's gaze bounces between you. Kate sidesteps in a failed attempt to hide you from Edwina’s view, your presence only furthering her rage.
“I shall tell you what is going on, Mama. Your daughter does not love chaos, as she claims. She loves destruction! Decimation at the tips of her fingers, slowly poisoning all she touches!” You blink through your tears, unable to find the words or even begin an explanation.
“Edwina—“ Kate interjects and appears to be the only intervention that deters from her verbal assault.
“Oh, you cannot deny it now, Kate! You enable her! You always have. The two of you are constantly deceiving me. Together in your deception! You knew! Didn’t you? You knew of her feelings for him, ” Edwina narrows her eyes at Kate, the implication of her words giving your Mother much-needed clarity. Meeting your mother's gaze, your head tilts, all but pleading for comfort without words.
“Alright, that is enough. No good can come from this at present. Let us all take a moment to calm ourselves, shall we,” Your mother says, moving to Edwina’s side. She sits Edwina down, dissolving into a bundle of tears. You try to voice an apology, but your Mother turns to you, speaking sternly, “I said that is enough. You have done enough today.”
”Mama, please. I didn’t want this, please. I’m sorry,” You cry, panting softly as your words spill out. The ringing in your ears returns and grows louder steadily with each passing second. Kate interjects only to receive the same sternness, “And you. You have kept so very much from me.”
”Mama, please,” You cry; reaching out for her, she pulls away and points to the door.
“Anywhere else right now, (Y/n),” She says. Rushing out of the doors, everything splinters into a heap of colors and sounds. You pant as though you have run miles rather than mere steps. When you rush into the first set of doors you find, you rush past several faces you cannot make out. Your breathing choppy and staggered, your hand trembling without pause as you pace vehemently.
“(Y/n),” You cringe at the sound of your name, shaking your head as sobs rattle you to your core. He takes your hands, guiding you to the floor. “Hey, it’s okay.”
“It’s not William. I’ve ruined everything; I’m a terrible sister—a terrible person,” You cry, shaking your head; he places a hand on your cheek, stilling you as he wipes a tear.
“You’re far from a terrible person. Stubborn, sure, but not terrible,” He chuckles, tilting his head down to meet your gaze.
“You don’t understand—“ Panting endlessly, William keeps his gaze locked on you and takes a deep breath in and out. He continues to do so until you follow, and even then, he continues for a few moments.
”I’ve made my intentions with you—my uh, my feelings very clear. And when I realized your impact on Anthony and me, I was angry and jealous. He’s so at ease with you even when you’re annoying him, and you seem to forget anyone else is around when the two of you interact,” William says with a slight smile. Your face falls at his words.
“William, I am so sorry—“ Your voice wavers and William chuckles, shaking his head before you can continue. He nudges your side with a grin.
“No apology needed. I only wish for you to be happy (Y/n) just as I wish for Anthony, and with time, your sister will share this sentiment. Of that, I am sure. I must warn you, though, things will grow far worse before they grow better,” William says, resting your head on his shoulder; he kisses the top of your head. You close your eyes, refocusing on deep breaths.
After a few minutes you clear your throat, “I should go, the last thing I need is another scandal.”
“You’re nothing but trouble, Miss Sharma,” William grins, shaking his head. A giggle leaves you as you wrap your arms around him, squeezing his tight.
”Thank you for this,” You mutter, squeezing a little tighter as he kisses the crown of your head once more. As you head back to the room, you pause as Kate sits outside with her head in her hands. She looks up at the sound of your approaching steps, quickly rising at your sight. Neither of you says a word before silently agreeing you both must face this head-on, accomplices. You knock gently upon the door, and Edwina’s face manages to sink even further at the sight of you.
“What?” She asks coldly; before you can get a word in, Kate inquires about your mother, but Edwina cuts her off, “You seem to know all. How could I possibly offer any insight of my own?”
”Edwina, please. Your anger is with me, not Kate,” You say, earning a huff in response.
“Mother is off, getting some air,” Edwina opens the door wider before moving from it entirely. You take a cautious step inside, still lingering by the door as Kate closes it behind the two of you.
“Edwina, I never wanted to hurt you. By the time I realized, it felt far too late to say something. So, I thought that I would swallow it down to avoid this because I wanted you to
be happy. I know you wanted this badly, but I didn’t realize how deep this ran. But it does not matter; I am unfit to be Viscountess, but you, you’re perfect for it,” Your voice wavers as her teary gaze meets your own. Edwina scoffs, shaking her head.
“He said the same thing. I half expected to discover that the two of you prepared it ahead of time. Perhaps it speaks to your compatibility or your deceitful nature,” Edwina shakes her head at you, her gaze cold as ice.
“Edwina, (Y/n) has always supported. You and I both know she is not deceitful. Misguided, certainly. Stubborn almost all the time. But she’s our sister,” Kate says, eyebrows pinching as her head tilts. Edwina’s gaze bounces between the two of you. Her eyes land on Kate.
“I do not know which pains me more. Both your betrayals or your pity,” Edwina says, her head held high with a conviction you never knew her to be capable of.
“Edwina, we are sisters—“ Kate takes a step toward her, reaching out for her hands but halts at Edwina’s next words, “Half-sister, with the misfortune of having (Y/n) as a sister. I want you both to recognize that I am a grown woman and for the first time in my life, I can make a decision based on what I would like.”
Edwina glances over at you, her at ease presence furthered unraveling your nerves, “I have already imagined the life I would lead with Lord Bridgerton as Viscountess at Aubrey Hall. It lives in my mind and is mine to do with as I like. So, if I choose to marry Anthony, it will be because it pleases me and no one else. I need you both to understand that. If I go through with this wedding, it will have nothing to do with either of you.”
You swallow thickly every version of reality where you have no place in her life evident. Kate's reassurances fall victim to the high pitch. Like nails to a chalkboard in your ears. Your personalized torture.
Kate remains at your side, the silence jarring. Uncertain of an appropriate reaction, you find yourself in a hazy void. You refuse the tears pushing at the edge of your lids, no words in reach to synthesize the depths of the pit in your chest. Time fuses into a distorted blend of unrelenting dread. The footman delivers the summons, the neat handwriting familiar.
Kate hesitates as you ask her to join you. Would it fuel the fire? Further the divide? Perhaps. Even still, you both cross the silks and satins of the entryway—the wedding hall. It's still as breathtaking as you all left it.
”You sent word for me?” Your eyebrows pinch as Anthony's words linger in the air. Kate answers as your lips merely part, and no words leave you. You glance at Kate, who mirrors your visible confusion. Approaching footsteps carrying the answers to each lingering question.
Edwina enters like the calm before a storm. Her hands clasped in front of her, her gait determined, and her mindset. She passes Kate without sparing her a glance, Edwina’s gaze bouncing between you and Anthony, “I have made my decision. I thought it best that you both hear it from me.”
“Edwina, perhaps we should speak privately,” Kate suggests, earning a mirthless chuckle.
“No, and quite frankly, I am giving our sister a courtesy I was not granted,” Edwina keeps her head high, her presence delicate yet commanding. She turns to Anthony, who has not looked away from you. A rare sight of pure vulnerability in your eyes as you look at Edwina. Silently pleading for forgiveness. A soft sigh leaves Edwina as she keeps her eyes on Anthony, not continuing until she has his full attention, “I cannot marry you, Lord Bridgerton. You cannot provide me with what it is I want. What it is that I deserve. What everyone deserves. I may not know exactly what true love feels like, but I certainly know what it is not. It is not deception or, wandering eyes, or a role to be fulfilled. I cannot marry you because I cannot betray myself. You will never meet my eyes in the same manner that you met my sisters on that altar today. You will never...”
Edwina falters, a sigh escaping her as she briefly glances toward you and back to Anthony, “You will never look at me the same way. I would be your Viscountess, your wife, the mother of your children, but I would never be yours because you’ll be hers.”
Your eyes find Anthony as her words seep into your bones. Edwina addresses you and Kate with words of contempt and eyes of sorrow. Her retreating form leaves a heavy silence as Kate rushes after her. Neither of you move, Anthony at the altar and yourself a few paces down the aisle.
“I thought I taught Edwina nothing, but I fear she too shares the ability to scorch the earth in a fit of rage,” You chuckle, the tight-lipped smile dissolving into a huff, “I have ruined everything.”
”You speak as though you did it alone,” Anthony says, meeting your gaze in the same spot where he was meant to recite his vows.
“I should go,” You whisper, watching as he glances off, seemingly pondering something. Clearing your throat, you square your shoulders, “Lord Bridgerton.”
”You should stay,” He says, an odd ease to his demeanor. You can only wonder if he feels the turmoil that rages within you. He tilts his head, “Your sister is braver and wiser than us both. She had the courage to act on what she sensed between us. And here we are, you ready to flee and myself standing perfectly still. We’ve felt it for months.”
You inhale sharply, and the reality is apparent: you cannot escape this. Speaking hardly above a whisper, you fidget with the skirts of your dress, “I’ve lit more than enough fires today. If I were wise, I would go.”
”Then, only for a moment, my pyromaniac, play the fool with me. Humor me in this inevitability, a fate that cannot be. Explore the untenable depths of our desires for this moment only before we face the reality waiting for us out there,” Anthony holds out his hand to you. His smile does not reach his eyes as you stare at his hand before you.
A sigh leaves you as you chew on your bottom lip. You cross your arms, raising your head high, “If I am to play the fool, you will have to address me by my proper honorific, of course.”
”And what’s that?” Anthony’s eyebrows pinch as you turn your head.
“Viscount Bridgerton, of course,” You smirk as the realization slowly dawns upon him. A hearty laugh leaves his lips as you accept his hand with a gentle grin.
“The sky could be falling in, and you would find a way to jest,” Anthony smiles as he shakes his head. You nod, chuckling beneath his gaze, far closer than you were a few seconds prior. Neither of you, aware of when or how you got so close. The warmth brings a merriment that blurs the line between what can and cannot be.
The violins.
The flowers.
The gossip eager Ton.
The bride and groom at an altar without wedding bells. ”I fear I have destroyed my relationship with my sister.”
“And I, with my best friend.”
You give his hands a gentle squeeze on your own, gasping as he pulls you forward. The touch of your lips light at the climax of your shared fantasy. As you both pull apart, the warmth chills. You are not husband and wife; you are a scandal.
A smudge on both of your reputations.
#bridgerton imagine#Bridgerton#bridgerton fanfiction#Bridgerton x reader#Anthony Bridgerton imagine#Anthony Bridgerton x reader#Anthony Bridgerton fanfiction#Benedict Bridgerton imagine#colin bridgerton imagine#Daphne bridgerton imagine#Eloise Bridgerton imagine#Penelope featherington imagine#Kate Sharma imagine#Kathani Sharma imagine#Edwina Sharma imagine#bridgerton au#Bridgerton au imagine#Anthony bridgerton au#Francesca Bridgerton imagine
205 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’m so excited for the rest of the season to see where Zheng Yi Sao’s storyline goes. I’m a fem poc in academia and I can relate to her on such a visceral level.
I’ve only been in higher education for a couple of years but I’ve been fortunate and savvy enough to be pretty goddamn successful.
I see so much of myself in Zheng Yi Sao. Being careful to keep your inner circle close and filled with people who are like you. Adapting and understanding how to interact with people who aren’t like you to get them on your side. The feeling of confidence and powerful while also feeling romantically isolated and craving those kinds of connections. Being cautious about betrayal.
The criticisms towards her are valid but come from people with a background that’s probably very different from mine.
Nearly every moment she’s been on screen I’ve watched her and thought ‘I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I understand’ and I feel so grateful to have this character.
I know that’s she’s going to take on an antagonistic roll this season but I honestly don’t have beef with that. I think the main cast of characters understand that they did her dirty and I’m interested to see where it goes.
#ofmd#ofmd s2#our flag means death#ofmd zheng yi sao#zheng yi sao#poc in academia#ofmd season 2#i just think she’s neat
31 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello indigoraysoflight!!
Honestly, I don't know how tptb believe that these strategies are going to work for them. As a viewer, I am hanging on by a thread.
I have come to the conclusion that I am not going to watch anything that purely retcons the mother series, so for me, more shipbait and Caryl being only friends = I leave TWDU as a whole. We even had show writers telling us Caryl is true!!
I adore Melissa and will support any other project she does, but it has been many years of being continually utilized and clowned by this franchise and enough is enough. Any ending that isn't Daryl and Carol together doesn't make sense to me, and a studio that treats me like this as a viewer doesn't deserve me to spend another minute on it, much less my money.
At this point, I will base whether I watch the spinoff or not on the reviews of some people I trust. Depending on what I gather from their reviews, I will stay or leave completely.
Which brings me to ask... Do you know if there will be reviews? With what happened with certain shippers of another spinoff leaking spoilers left and right, I have my doubts.
If there weren't any and we had no way of knowing in advance what to expect, I'm afraid I'll only follow episode spoilers weekly and won't watch anything until the end when I get to know 100% that I won't be disappointed, which for now seems almost impossible.
To think how excited I was with season 3 being filmed in my country... Now I don't think I care that much.
Thank you for everything you do for what's left of this fandom ❤️
Hello, dear anon!
Honestly? Same. I'm being very cautious now because I genuinely don't like how things are unfolding.
I respect your choice to do what's best for you. To be honest, it all feels really frustrating because Melissa deserves so much better. It's always lovely to see pictures of Melissa on set but I'm not sure why there isn't a robust marketing campaign working to promote the show. Not only is it disrespectful to the leads, but it also gives some people more incentive to bully Carylers.
Some poorly positioned social media posts — that rely on the fans to explain how the ship is romantic — are simply not good enough.
I'm not sure about the reviews. I don't know if you're aware that I run a Caryl podcast called Nine Lives Two Mics with my friend @kryptoniancape. We intend to review TBOC with or without screeners and share our honest take on it.
But it's safe to say the whole show is resting on Melissa's back, which is incredibly sad, considering she isn't getting any official promo.
To me, the future looks concerning, especially if it rests in the hands of a showrunner who has no idea how to write women and has leaned heavily on ship baiting to give a female character any value. Norman and Melissa being EPs is good. But they need a showrunner who actually cares about Caryl, and the current one has given me no reason to trust him. The future of this show needs a showrunner who can deliver not just for Caryl but for the fans who have held on for years in some cases.
It's not just about canon anymore. It's about canon being done right and a vibrant story that Caryl deserve.
I'm really sorry I don't have better news for you, dear anon. I'm not really doing anything for the fandom. I'm just hoping people's voices and concerns are heard.
I also want to thank you for your courage and vulnerability today. We need more people speaking up the way you did. I need you to know that your voice has meaning and I appreciate you for using it.
Stay safe and be well. ❤️❤️
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Feelings about Bringing Back Moffat For RTD2 + Other Writers I Think Should Get the Chance
Whelp, just found out that Steven Moffat is going to be writing an episode of Fifteen and I'm just like...eh? about the whole prospect. Like, not as terrified as I once might have been but like...hoping he grew as a writer. Because even though I vastly prefer his one-offs to his overarching season ideas...let's not pretend that you couldn't see the warning signs looking back. The focus on either women as mothers (Doctor Dances) women companions as operating in service/deference to the Doctor (Empty Child/Blink) or women as the Time Traveller's Wife (Girl in the Fireplace, Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead). Empty Child/Doctor Dances, Blink, and Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead are all fantastic episodes and I think Blink is the strongest one-off (though let's all remember that the ending was suggested by Gatiss, not Moffat) though I will adore Empty Child/Doctor Dances until I die (though let's not forget that Jack Harkness was an RTD invention).
I really hope he learned his lessons through writing latestage Clara and Bill as companions, but I'm honestly just as scared of his racial undertones as am of RTD's. Let's not forget that both of the black companions under Moffat (Bill&Danny) were both dehumanized/turned into Cybermen in order to service Clara and the Doctor/Missy's arcs (though Bill's ending is far better handled in terms of giving Bill her own ending than Danny's, imo), just as RTD really callously handled Martha's treatment, especially in historical episodes. That is not to say that I don't have some hope due to how Bill's race was handled in Thin Ice, but let's just say I'm cautious about getting super excited like some people are.
All of which is to say...I want Toby Whithouse to write a one-off in the RTD2 Era. Or many. I want his examination of the fucked-up and complicated psychological aspects of the Doctor/Companion relationship and even the Doctor themself (I mean he is the one who wrote School Reunion, God Complex, A Town Called Mercy, Under the Lake/Before the Flood, and Vampires of Venice).
ALSO more women and writers of color. I want to see what kind of new voices in sci-fi can be brought to the table and explore more aspects of their experiences, especially as it pertains to historical/future episodes. I'm done with pretending that Demons of the Punjab wasn't one of the best episodes of Doctor Who, and that was specifically because an Indian writer (Vinay Patel) was brought in to write it. (Also, can we see Vinay back as well? He also wrote Fugitive of the Judoon which was another banger. He's also really good at exploring character feelings/implications of time travel/memory.) I also think that Joy Wilkinson, who wrote the Witchfinders, could be a fun choice as well. I really liked the Witchfinders and I'm curious to see how she might tackle a subject matter like that again.
#toby whithouse#vinay patel#steven moffat#joy wilkinson#the witchfinders#demons of the punjab#fugitive of the judoon#a town called mercy#the god complex#vampires of venice#under the lake#before the flood#school reunion#the empty child#the doctor dances#the girl in the fireplace#blink#fifteenth doctor#rtd2#listen above all else I just REALLY want to see fun one-offs that use aliens/different time periods to explore character#that's it#that's how basic my requests are#sound off with writers you'd like to see join doctor who/return to the show#doctor who#meta
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
24 Days of Satosugu 2023 Day 14 - Poison
Suguru knows it’s Satoru, the moment he steps into the clearing. He doesn’t look the same, of course; mostly because he seems to be about ten, but also because it’s been several centuries at this point, but Suguru would know his soul anywhere.
That’s definitely Satoru.
Satoru freezes when he spots him, though, and Suguru knows just as instantly that Satoru doesn't remember him.
Well.
“Hello,” Satoru cautiously says, keeping himself well out of Suguru's reach, as if he'd ever have anything to fear from him.
“Hello,” Suguru politely gives back, careful to appear unassuming so he doesn't send Satoru running immediately.
“Who are you?” Satoru wants to know next, even though a small frown accompanies his question.
“My name is Suguru.” Suguru doesn't offer a last name and he doesn't ask for Satoru’s name, which doesn't go unnoticed.
“Do you know me?” he asks, even more cautious than before and Suguru briefly falters.
He doesn't know the right answer to that, doesn't know what he needs to say to not send Satoru running, but in the end it seems his silence spoke for him.
“Do I know you?”
“Not anymore, it seems,” Suguru says with a sad smile and wonders just how many centuries have passed.
It's hard to tell the time, locked in a clearing as he is. Even the seasons merge together over time.
“It feels as if I do,” Satoru mutters and that's more than Suguru could have hoped for. “What are you doing here?” Satoru then calls out and Suguru raises an eyebrow at him.
“You're smart, aren't you?” It shouldn't be hard for him to figure out just what Suguru is doing in this clearing, shackled as he is, bound by magic to this place, but it seems he said something wrong because Satoru curls into himself, his face closed off.
“You'd think so, wouldn't you,” he bitterly mutters and Suguru painfully remembers that he can't be older than ten currently.
And given how the Gojo Clan worked—and likely still does—that's a bad age to be, especially when Satoru inherited both techniques, like he seems to have done.
“I'm sorry,” Suguru says and waves him closer. “I'm being held captive here.”
“Why? By who?”
Again, this should be an obvious answer but Satoru is no longer turning away from Suguru, so of course he answers him.
“This land still belongs to the Gojo Clan, yes?”
Satoru's eyes go big and Suguru marvels at how blue they are.
“We're keeping you trapped here? Why?”
At that Suguru sighs. If he shows his true form to Satoru, there's a chance he'll run. If he doesn't, he can't answer that question.
Both choices don't seem ideal but Suguru knows what he has to do when Satoru steps closer.
“You have inherited the Six Eyes, yes?” He waits for Satoru's confirming nod. “Then use them to see. Do you know how?”
Suguru can read the answer out of the tense lines of Satoru's body and he sighs.
“Honestly, what are the Elders teaching these days,” he mutters under his breath and waves Satoru forward again. “Do you want to learn?” he asks once Satoru is barely two steps away and the excited gleam in his eyes is answer enough.
Satoru is a quick study. It's clearly not his fault that he barely has control over his techniques because by the time Suguru explained something to him, Satoru already mastered it.
He's hungry for knowledge, that much is clear and not for the first time Suguru wishes he could burn the entire Gojo Clan and all their Elders down.
None of them deserve to be around Satoru, not if they keep him stifled and small like this.
“Okay, with this you should be able to see my true form. Do you think you can apply everything at once?”
Satoru doesn't answer him, too concentrated on doing what Suguru asked of him and Suguru knows he succeeded when he lets out a small gasp.
“You're a kitsune!”
There's no fear in Satoru’s face, even though he must be able to see Suguru's eight tails and for a brief moment Suguru wonders if the Elders also failed him in these teachings.
But then Satoru reaches out, carding his fingers through Suguru's fur like he has any right to do so and Suguru's heart sings.
Some part of Satoru remembers.
“And you're so beautiful,” he whispers, a delighted smile on his face when he looks back up at Suguru, who smiles at him.
“Thank you. But it's time for you to return now, Satoru, you shouldn't be caught here.”
Satoru stills, but doesn't actually take his hand away.
“You mean with you.”
“I'm imprisoned here. I doubt the Elders would like seeing you talk to me.”
“Why are you trapped here?” Satoru wants to know and when he looks up at Suguru his gaze seems too old, filled with too many horrible scenarios.
Satoru might be young still but he clearly knows of the horror of the world and the ones curses can inflict.
“I came too close to one of your predecessors,” Suguru sadly tells him, still able to remember how warm and soft Satoru—his Satoru—had been in his arms.
“You killed them?”
Satoru seems distressed by that idea and Suguru crouches down.
“They did die, but not by my hand,” he honestly tells him.
He doesn't mention that he would have razed the world down if it would have saved him.
This Satoru doesn't need to know that. Yet.
“I see,” Satoru mutters and already his words hold more weight, now that he has a basic understanding of his technique. “I won't tell them I've seen you,” he then decides and Suguru smiles at him.
“That might be for the best.” For Satoru and for Suguru himself.
He's not keen on having the Elders visit him any time soon. He doubts they have lost any of their cruelty and with him bound and powerless like this—no, it's better if they continue to forget his existence.
“I'll be back though,” Satoru promises him, an excited smile on his face and Suguru smiles at him in turn.
“I'll look forward to it.”
He watches Satoru leave and can't help but to wonder if he'll keep his word or if this will be the last he ever sees of him.
As long as Satoru can be happy, Suguru would be fine with either.
~*~*~
“Suguru!” Satoru calls out, spilling into the clearing in all his gangly glory and Suguru smiles fondly at him.
Satoru is seventeen now, and he never once stopped coming by, never showed any signs of being afraid of Suguru and Suguru is fond of him in a way that’s hard to take.
But then again, this is still his Satoru so it really shouldn’t be all that surprising that the feeling in Suguru’s chest is the same as it has always been.
“Satoru,” Suguru greets him and allows Satoru to bury himself in his tails.
It seems to be a favourite place of Satoru’s, and really, who is Suguru to deny him this.
“How are you doing? How’s your training?” Suguru asks though he knows he has his answer when Satoru’s face falls.
So the Elders are still trying to keep him on a short leash, despite the fact that Satoru confronted them about that yesterday.
“I’m on house arrest,” Satoru tells him, and buries his face in one of Suguru’s tails, making a shiver run down his back.
“Why are you here then?” Suguru mildly asks with a raised eyebrow and Satoru peeks up at him.
“Because they can’t really keep me inside and I’d rather die than not see you?” he gives back and Suguru huffs out a laugh.
“Going a day, or even longer, without seeing me won’t kill you,” he chides him, because if it hadn’t killed Suguru to not see him for centuries, then certainly Satoru can withstand it for a few days.
“I’m not going to put that to the test, so you better shut up. I can keep up Infinity indefinitely now,” he then says, as if that isn’t something ground-breaking and Suguru beams at him.
“Well done!” he praises him, because it’s certainly praiseworthy and Suguru doesn’t miss the way Satoru’s face goes red.
It’s been happening a lot lately, and Suguru knows it’s only a matter of time before Satoru says something or even tries something. Suguru is honestly waiting for it, but it has to be Satoru’s decision.
Suguru’s heart is set on him already and he’s going to wait for him for however long it takes.
“Why do the Elders not teach me shit?” Satoru asks, staring up at the sky and Suguru marvels at how similar Satoru’s eyes and the sky are.
“They are scared of what you can do, should you unleash your full potential. They want to shape you to their image, to keep you in control.”
“Are you afraid of me? Of what I could do?” Satoru asks and Suguru laughs.
“Satoru, please. Who has been teaching you all this time?”
“What if I decide to use my powers to destroy the world?”
“Then I’d still be by your side,” Suguru easily says and pats Satoru’s head. “It might be nice of you to forget, but I am still a kitsune. Some people would call me inherently evil, so of course I wouldn’t care.”
“You’re not evil, though,” Satoru says and blinks up at him, unending trust in his eyes.
If only it was enough.
“Aren’t I?” Suguru replies, because Satoru hardly knows anything about it.
Suguru hasn’t tried to keep anything a secret but Satoru has shown no interest in knowing these things. He went above and beyond to get to know Suguru personally, his likes and dislikes, but he never asked about his past, never wanted to know why he is imprisoned there.
Suguru thinks it’s just as well, because he wouldn’t even know how to explain it anyway.
Doesn’t know how to explain that he nearly razed the Gojo Clan to the ground only to protect the one he loves and make Satoru understand that it is him, was him all along.
“How do I get you out of here?” Satoru suddenly wants to know and it catches Suguru off guard.
It’s the first time Satoru has asked that, but when he sits up, a serious look on his face Suguru suddenly understands. He had been wondering why Satoru had never tried, had never even asked about that, but he was waiting for the day where he’s confident enough in his own abilities to go through with it.
“Satoru,” Suguru sighs out, even though every cell of his being screams at him.
It’s been so long since he’s been free, he’s not sure he even remembers.
“Just tell me. What do I have to do?”
“It’s not that easy,” Suguru tells him, because even now he can feel the magic strangling him.
He’s not allowed to talk about this and the spell sure as hell doesn’t let him forget it.
“Fine,” Satoru says, clearly picking up on something. “How many conditions are there?”
“Two,” Suguru gives back, because that at least he can say. “Something I’m missing and something that must be done by who frees me.”
His voice goes thin at the end, the magic cutting off his airflow and it takes him a minute to go back to normal.
Satoru stays quiet during that time.
“You’re missing a tail,” he eventually says and Suguru flinches.
Trust Satoru to notice that.
“I know because it should be here,” he points to the space under his knees, where no tail is currently propping them up and for a fleeting moment Suguru feels like crying.
His Satoru loved to lay in his tails as well and for this Satoru to feel the same–
“You know me, don’t you?” Satoru whispers out. “From before?”
He seems pained by the question as if Suguru’s answer could break him and Suguru sits down next to him.
“It’s not that easy,” Suguru tries to explain. “You’re different; everything about you. The Satoru I knew was a nobody; he was of the same bloodline as you but he was nothing like you. He didn’t inherit the techniques, wasn’t even particularly gifted as a sorcerer.”
“But you loved him,” Satoru quietly says and Suguru sighs.
“I did.”
“And I’m him.”
“You’re nothing like him, Satoru, pay attention, will you. It’s just–your essence is the same; the colour of your soul matches, that’s all.”
“But I remember things about you.”
“And isn’t that a curious thing?” Suguru asks.
“What happened to your Satoru?”
“Nothing,” Suguru says and smiles when Satoru’s head finally flies up, his eyes meeting Suguru’s. “He’s sitting right here.”
There it is again, that beautiful blush.
“No, I mean–that other Satoru.”
“He died.”
“It’s not that simple though, is it?”
“When has anything with your Clan ever been this simple?” Suguru wants to know and he knows that Satoru is not simply going to let it go this time. This time, he’ll have to explain. “They found out, that he got the favour of a kitsune. They used him to get to me and then killed him when it became clear that I’d rather tear down the Clan than to allow them to keep him.”
“That seems–disturbingly plausible,” Satoru mutters out and Suguru is surprised to find a new resolve in him. “And it’s nothing like what the Elders told me.”
“You asked about me,” Suguru sighs out because of course he did.
It is honestly a surprise that Satoru waited for so long.
“I did. They said you attacked because you wanted to steal away the one person who inherited both techniques before.”
“Right,” Suguru snorts out. “I was imprisoned here long before your predecessor was born. And the Satoru I knew then—like I said; he had no techniques to speak of.”
Satoru falls silent at that, resting his head on his knees, looking up at Suguru, his eyes steady and all-seeing.
“You said I’m yours,” he eventually says, “that I’m your Satoru.”
It’s not a question but it’s clear that he’s waiting for a reply anyway.
“You are.”
“But are you mine, Suguru? Are you mine in return?” he then asks and Suguru feels himself soften.
“You stupid boy,” he whispers out and leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to Satoru’s forehead. “Of course I’m yours.”
When Suguru pulls away, there’s a hard resolve on Satoru’s face.
“I’m going to get you out of here,” he says and then backtracks quickly. “Not to say that your answer made a difference, I would have regardless, but—just—” He takes a deep breath. “I’m going to set you free.”
“Satoru, if you do that, I will raze this place to the ground,” Suguru warns him.
The people who imprisoned him first, who killed the one he loved are long gone but that doesn’t change anything. Not for Suguru.
“Fine by me,” Satoru says with a shrug and gets up. “With the way the Elders are looking at me, I’d welcome it. Did you know there are several bounties placed on my head?” Satoru asks and Suguru shakes his head.
He doesn’t know much from what goes on beyond this clearing except for what Satoru tells him and he has never mentioned this before.
“At least two of them are from my own Clan,” Satoru goes on as if it means nothing, but Suguru boils with anger.
They would do it again. If given the chance, they would take Satoru from him again and Suguru is not going to let that happen.
“I’m going to kill them all,” Suguru seethes, turning burning eyes in the direction of the main house, but he startles when Satoru drapes himself over Suguru’s side.
“Let me free you first,” he whispers, a promise in his voice and Suguru shudders.
Satoru hasn’t been quite so free with his touches before and the warmth seeps into Suguru like a promise.
“Alright,” he agrees, even though he knows it’s not that easy.
The part Satoru will have to fulfil might prove difficult still, no matter what he thinks now, and Suguru is not going to get his hopes up for now.
But it is hard, with Satoru beaming at him like he is.
Maybe Satoru will surprise him, after all.
~*~*~
“Suguru!” Satoru calls out, long before he comes into view and there’s an urgency in his voice that Suguru hasn’t heart before.
He’s instantly alert.
“Suguru, what do I have to do?” Satoru yells, running into the clearing at full speed, Suguru’s missing tail clutched to his chest. “Tell me, what is it I have to do?”
“Satoru, I can’t,” Suguru gives back, meeting him halfway and he instantly knows why Satoru is in such a rush.
His Clan Elders are right behind him.
“Foolish boy,” one of them seethes, raising his hand as if he’s going to hurl an attack directly at Satoru and Suguru is quick to pull Satoru behind him.
“Just tell me what I have to do,” Satoru whispers again, eyes fixed on the threat in front of them and Suguru feels a thread of despair when more and more people spill into the clearing.
Satoru is not strong enough to fight all of them—not yet, anyway—and Suguru will barely be a match for them shackled and powerless like he is.
“I can’t, Satoru, I can’t. You have to figure it out by yourself.”
“Get back here boy,” a woman from the left calls out. “Don’t you know what he is? His words are poison. No matter what he promised you, he won’t keep to it.”
“If you do not get back here, we’ll kill you, too,” another man chimes in, and Suguru grows cold with fury when he sees people nodding.
“Yeah, right, you’ve been wanting to do that since I was born anyway, if only you weren’t so scared to lose both techniques again,” Satoru calls back, nothing but disdain in his voice and Suguru snarls at their opponents.
He will not allow them to kill Satoru, not a second time.
“If you give that tail back to him, he will kill you first,” the woman tries again and Suguru scoffs because he has never heard something so ridiculous. “He’ll kill you just like he killed your predecessor.”
“Suguru, what do I do?” Satoru asks, the tail still clutched to his chest.
“If you believe them, you go back to them,” Suguru says, not taking his eyes off their opponents. “And if you don’t, then you give me back my tail.”
Suguru hasn’t even finished speaking when he feels his tail merging back with him; he closes his eyes in bliss, feels the power run through him like it always should have.
“And now you say it,” Suguru whispers out, displaying his tails and brushing them against Satoru. “Now you say whose side you are on.”
“I trust you. I’m with you,” Satoru instantly says and it rings true, because the magical shackles around Suguru break.
He lets out a deep, satisfied breath; only implicit trust in the face of opponents more powerful is able to break the magic binding Suguru here and it’s a wonderful feeling to know that Satoru does.
That he trusts him above his Clan.
“It could have been that easy?” Satoru whispers furiously under his breath, his voice almost drowned out by the yelling of the Clan Elders around them, but for now Suguru doesn’t pay them any attention.
For now, he turns to Satoru.
“You are mine,” he fiercely says and Satoru’s eyes blaze in response. “And I am yours,” Suguru promises before Satoru can even ask it, not surprised in the least when Satoru steps forward at hearing it, reaching up and pulling Suguru into a kiss.
“Together,” he whispers and almost lazily deflects an attack aimed straight for Suguru’s head.
“You do remember what I said I’d do to all of them, right?” Suguru asks again, because he needs to be sure, he needs to know that no matter what he does in the next ten minutes, Satoru will be by his side.
“I do. And I’ll help,” Satoru promises and it’s enough for Suguru to finally step away from him and does what he has longed to do for several centuries now.
He kills everyone in the clearing in minutes, and soon enough only he and Satoru are left.
“If I had known they were this weak, I would have tried this sooner,” Satoru sighs out, surveying the carnage around them, and Suguru can’t help himself, he simply has to go over to steal another kiss for himself.
“You need to trust more in your strength,” Suguru chides him, followed by another quick kiss. “Now, are you going to show me the world, Satoru?”
“It would be my pleasure,” Satoru replies with a big smile and when Suguru finally steps outside of the clearing it’s with Satoru’s hand safely in his.
He can’t wait to rediscover the world with his love right there by his side.
#bt writes#jjk#satosugu#24 days of satosugu 2023#au#kitsune geto#reincarnation#hurt/comfort#getting together#first kiss
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Feb Reads, March Hopes
It feels as if I have stepped over a threshold.
Captured in these photos are small glimpses of a February savored. Dinners were mostly hot pots born out of desperation to cling onto the fleeting cold, knowing it will soon be too warm for it. From the dining room I watched the sun bleed red-orange, the sun setting later and later as each day passed.
Every year February thaws and a bare March follows. The windows remain open for longer periods of time, birdsong growing louder outside. Nothing is more regular than that. Yet it catches me unaware, without fail. I go to bed at the end of February and open my eyes to a new world as the calendar flips to a new month. I am writing this on my dining table on a slow Saturday and I am filled with sighs.
Truth is, I feel like the spring and summer months require so much of me. It’s too noisy, too crowded. While I love seeing the green and feeling the warmth on my bare skin, I’m a little possessive of the colder months. In the end I am most myself when it's gray outside and there is a storm brewing in the sky. I feel free to roam when I am invisible and the land asks nothing of me. But the time has come to relinquish my Winter solitude and I must now give some of myself to the Earth again. Here I am reluctantly facing March, daring to be optimistic but remaining cautious. I look at myself in the mirror and ask myself: what will grow in my garden this year? What will I sow? In what way will I bloom into change?
That all sounds melancholy, but really February was a good month, and March holds important events that will open possibilities for me. I am excited in a lot of ways though equally anxious because, well, that is just the way I am.
Now, indulge me. I have a lot to say about the books I read this month!!
1. The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
I devoured this one. It’s my friend H’s favorite book plus I read Circe some years ago so I had high expectations. And wow, I was absolutely floored. I listened to the first half while cleaning the house. I was making my way downstairs when I got to the part where P and A finally confess to each other and I literally had to stop and grasp the bannister. I was so moved by this book I was practically doubled over in pain by the time I got to the end. Such love!! The novel is a celebration of words, honestly. You can feel every brushstroke on the literary canvas with each word—the impasto, the contrast, the movement. Every feeling is so vivid. I’m officially a fan of Madeline Miller. I’m just in awe.
2. Water - John Boyne
This is the second book of Boyne that I’ve read and I’m proud to say he is officially now a member of my favorite authors club. This novel, aptly titled Water, is absolutely gut wrenching in the same way waves take centuries to carve out a cave into a cliff. By that I mean it’s atmospheric, slow, subtle. But it is also relentless and powerful. This book took my breath away despite being rather short.
After finishing this book I went online to look up more of Boyne’s work and discovered that Water is a part of “The Elements” quartet series. The new installment called “Earth” is coming out soon and I’m excited to have a new series to anticipate in the coming years! Having read Water and knowing it’ll be a quartet, I can’t help but compare it to the “Seasonal Quartet” series by Ali Smith. I have a thing for quartets, alright. There’s something about a thematic and symbolic collection of stories. It’s so ripe with imagery and it gets my mind sprinting with ideas, especially if it’s tied to nature like Boyne and Smith’s respective quartets are. I will say that even with just one book out of the planned quartet, John Boyne’s is more approachable than Ali Smith. I find it difficult to suggest Ali Smith to people in my life because she requires a lot of effort and time. Both quartets deal with contemporary injustices and complex societal issues in their own way, but I find Boyne’s attempt at this a little more accessible. Highly recommend this one!
3. Divine Rivals - Rebecca Ross
An out of my comfort zone pick as it’s YA, fantasy and romance—the three of the four genres I struggle with (the fourth one being sci-fi). But Rebecca Ross is the one author I trust when it comes to fantasy, and she has never let me down.
I associate a lot of good memories and feelings with Rebecca Ross books. Some years ago, I was living in the south and frequented this particular indie bookshop in the historic district. One Sunday, I was browsing the fantasy section of that bookshop, just because I had nothing better to do. My eyes landed on a book called “Sisters of Sword and Song,” which is one of the few in that section that wasn’t all black with a jagged angsty font on it. The blurb was intriguing enough, I read the first two pages and found it pleasant, so I purchased it. I bid the bookstore cats goodbye and drove home to enjoy it. Sure enough, when I got back to my apartment, the book sucked me in. It’s a fantasy world but the aesthetic and world building is heavily rooted in Ancient Greece so my imagination went wild reading it. I remember really enjoying the book and making a mental note to read more Rebecca Ross. That was some years back when she only had three books out. Now it seems she has become more popular with eight books under her belt.
Going into this new duology of her I must admit I had quite the expectation. But I am happy to say that the verdict on Divine Rivals is: it’s great. I was not disappointed at all. I was hooked within the first twenty pages! The romance got a tad too cheesy and sweet near the end but I enjoyed the characters a lot. I’m still reeling from the slow burn, enemies-to-lovers feast I had last year from The Mirror Visitor series by Christelle Dabos. Divine Rivals has allowed me to keep that enjoyment going with Iris and Roman. I’m going to read the sequel to it this month and see what I feel about the duology as whole. But for now, I will say I enjoyed it!
4. The Reckless Oath We Made - Bryn Greenwood
The fourth and final book of February is a novel by Bryn Greenwood called "The Reckless Oath We Made." I’ve read a Bryn Greenwood book before, a controversial book titled "All The Ugly and Wonderful Things" that I randomly picked from the book section of a Target. I enjoyed that book a lot actually and it’s a good example of why imposing moral judgements on an author and policing the events in a fictional work will corrode general literacy. I won’t go into it here because that’s a topic for a different (lengthy) post. For now I will say that "The Reckless Oath We Made" is great and as expected from a daring writer like Greenwood. Not as compelling as her preceding work, but this one is just as intellectually stimulating. I find literature that combines unlikely pairings to be so meaty. I like the feeling of being tested, learning new ways to empathize and understand. This book did just that by presenting characters that have aspects that aren’t socially easy to digest. But most importantly, the book did not require them to become “normal” in the end and in doing so demonstrates the radical power of acceptance. I thoroughly enjoyed this read.
If you couldn’t tell yet, I’m really happy with my reads this month. I’m not the type to be strict about what book I want to read next. (Odd, now that I think about it, because I’m as Type A as it gets on just about everything else.) When it comes to reading, I prefer to go with my mood. At any rate I have a small pile of books next to my reading chair so one of those will be the lucky book.
I’ve written quite a bit, haven’t I? I’m waiting for lunch to finish reheating (it’s just leftover Japanese cream stew). I say lunch but it’s closer to an early supper at this point. I spent most of the morning cleaning the house and playing with my cats. As for tomorrow, I have nothing planned for once so I think I will uncover the backyard furniture and give my bike a tuneup in preparation for Spring. Sometime next week, whenever it’s sunny enough, I will ride my bike to an Edeka and pick up some tulips and Roggenbrot. I haven’t done that in a while. Oh, the new Faye Webster album came out yesterday so I’m going to give that a full listen (and a couple of repeats if I’m honest because I love her, haha).
For now I leave you with some savory dango I made some days ago. (It was a bit chewy and needed a bit more kneading. I’ll make them better next time!) Plus, a song by my favorite artist, Siv Jakobsen. It’s from her latest album, Gardening, and was the lead single. It's a song that, at least to me, represents a bittersweet Spring. The album came out last year, but this song itself was released in April(?) of 2022! How bizarre. I swear it doesn’t feel like two years ago.
Anyway, I’ve already mentioned earlier that March is a month that will decide certain changes for me for reasons I do not want to disclose yet because I feel like I might jinx it. But I hope that the next time I write, it will be filled with good news and anticipation. My fingers are crossed!
Cheerio!
P.S.: I've just realized that every single photo I’ve taken and posted of me walking consists of a long skirt and a pair of DMs. I swear I’m capable of wearing other clothing and shoes lol, this is just, evidently, my go-to getup. It doesn’t have to say anything about me, but I’m the type to wonder anyway!
15 notes
·
View notes
Note
Heya! Just wondering, since Netflix Geeked Week will probably show a trailer for the live-action Avatar on Thursday, I want to ask a few things:
Are you excited for it?
What do you think they'll keep, cut, and expand in this live-action of ATLA - Book One: Water (Season 1)?
Since Bryke are not on the project now, do you have a good feeling that this live-action could be a lot better than what they come up with at Avatar Studios?
(By the way, were these "Braving the Elements" episodes recent from your last posts? And were Bryke really acting like complete stooges in them? :O )
Hi, thank you for the lovely ask!
I've been completely ignoring the huge Geeked Week banner so I have no idea what's up with that or that it's possible we're getting a trailer soon, so that's cool information to have lol
1. I honestly can't say I'm excited for the live action. The last Netflix live action for a beloved childhood franchise of mine was such a dumpster fire because they focused on being edgy and dark and abandoned the source material for the worse, so like? Past experience has made me extremely cautious in regards to live action adaptions coming from them. In general I am not a fan of this trend- the Disney ones are shit, and I only really find myself watching and enjoying the (sometimes shitty, but like, in a fun way) J-drama adaptions of old shoujo manga as I don't really fuck with any other genre nowadays. Anime has a long history with shitty adaptions for action shows, and as action is inherent to ATLA after all, even if it's not technically an anime, I know that's gonna be a hurdle they'll have to clear- just having good effects and fight scenes. It's not MY personal focus as I do find charm in shitty effects (I do like J-dramas after all!) but honestly that is probably what's gonna make or break the initial hype for the show imo. Rn I'm honestly just... So neutral about it to the point where it surprises me (I'm. Very much not a neutral person usually lol) and I think it's just a matter of like.... Being burned AND pleasantly surprised by ATLA stuff before so I'm kinda hedging my bets until I know which way it's gonna go for me. Honestly I can very realistically see me LOVING it, but the other option is that it's bad and that's kinda what I'm preparing for rn ig? I can't imagine I'll be too upset if it's just... Bad or unsatisfactory given that I already spend way too much energy on the shit the OG did wrong lol, if the LA follows suit with those I think I'll just kinda... Ignore it lol. Idk, A LOT of mixed feelings
2. I... Really can't even begin to imagine what they choose to do with the reduced time frame, but I know I for sure have my own thoughts on what I WISH they would! Mainly I want NO Kataang, if there's Kataang I'm not gonna even bother with it tbh unless it's completely one sided (which it was in the original, yet we still know how THAT turned out)... I obviously want endgame Zutara, but I'm not hard pressed on it tbh- it would be funny as fuck for it to happen after Bryke left over creative differences though! I REALLY want the Blue Spirit to stay, I really DON'T want The Great Divide (no way it's staying in though so we're probably safe on that front), and overall I kinda just? Want Aang to be more sympathetic- him being irresponsible in the original show only makes sense until a certain point, and I want an Aang that shows an ability to grow from early on. Aang's an awful, awful Avatar, and I truly want him NOT to be one here- honestly, a good way to get around some of his early issues would be to borrow a bit from Korra and twist his love for slacking off into an enthusiasm for all four cultures (rather than just their rideable animals), which I feel like he was CLOSE to having... But as usual with him it was all tell and no show- I wanna see him having friends in all four nations, I wanna see him being multi cultural even before he gets freezed, I wanna see him embrace all four bendings and cultures rather than fixating on air, I wanna see him fail and take responsibility... But I also still want to see him being a kid, because that's crucial, and while the original show never allowed him to grow up, I also don't want him to be immediately seen as and treated as wise and powerful- I want him to struggle with what it means being an Avatar who knows about it at such a young age, I want to see him meaningfully interact with his past incarnations, I want him to ACTUALLY find a balance! I think I maybe just... Want a whole new main character still named Aang tbh, because I DON'T like who he is in the original show, but I do like who he could've been! I REALLY don't want the show to be intentionally edgy- if it goes into any dark topics, they should be ones already raised in the original. I want some more light shed on how the North Pole and Pakku's sexism never went away, I want the show to acknowledge that the monks didn't go down without putting up a hell of a fight, I want to know what the fuck Zhao was doing to get promoted like that despite his constant failures on screen, I want to really dive deep into Aang and Bumi's relationship and maybe how Aang failed him on a personal level (he's literally the only one who would've missed Aang, not the Avatar for all this time) and how he mourned him for years, I want Aang to contend with and realize that he's in a war and how he's FOR SURE killed people and will have to again even before Koizilla (he kills so many people in The Northern Air Temple!!)... I could honestly kinda do with an abridged version of some of the Gaang's travels, like, a lot of them are neat but only matter tangentially or from a world/character building perspective and can be dropped/merged/replaced pretty safely tbh. For example, Haru doesn't really need to exist tbh, what Imprisoned does for Katara can and maybe even SHOULD change gears to focus more on her rather than this random guy who only ever shows up once more to get laughed at because he has a lame mustache. The Fortuneteller should be dropped or altered severely because its message doesn't hold up under scrutiny. Yue should be a bigger presence and be more of an established character. Jet should maybe get his role expanded. Suki should be more of a presence throughout. There are a lot of ways to make the first season better tbh, and also it NEEDS to change to fit with the new timeframe so? Yeah I hope they do a good job at separating the wheat from the chaff because god knows the original show did not know how to do that.
3. I'm honestly pretty confident in saying that Avatar Studios will never ever make anything good, or at the very least, anything that I'll like, but as to what the lack of Bryke means for the LA? Honestly, it's all up to the people working on it- Bryke being bullheaded and bad writers isn't exclusive to them, and if the staff is made up of writers that lean too heavily on the source material or drift too far from it that could honestly sink the whole show. Of course I'm happy they're not on board given their awful track record, but like... I know nothing about any of the people working on it in their stead, so a lack of Bryke doesn't necessarily equate to good writing (it certainly does leave out THEIR bad writing though!!)
Braving the Elements is soon gonna start reviewing the third season of ATLA, and it started in 2021 so everything there is very recent! And yeah, every time Bryke are on they prove themselves to be assholes all over again, they keep topping themselves somehow istg!
I feel that this isn't my most eloquent post but tbh I'm quite sick rn so this is the best I can do atm, hopefully I managed to answer properly anyway?
18 notes
·
View notes
Note
Are there any clear parallels between Mei and Macaque other than they are/were the 'hero‘s closest friend'?
Like- MK and Wukong have similar storybeats and personality traits.
Same with Mei and Wukong.
(Even Azure and Mei have parallels. Containers for power. Azure‘s sword inspired her to make her own. There was a scene where they had the same battle ready pose. Azure‘s goal was to use the power of the emperor for something good, Mei thinks that power should be used for good whenever possible. Azure‘s first priority was trying to reunite the brotherhood, friends/family are very important to him too. Both willing to make sacrifices -like Wukong- to save the world, though Azure‘s method was admittedly less permanent than outright killing him.)
But other than the "Ugh, this guy." Facepalm Mei and Macaque did (at Ao Lie and Monkey King) in season 4, nothing springs to mind for me for this particular pair.
Macaque is cautious, Mei is the polar opposite of that. Macaque acts out of his own interest for the most part, for Mei, her friends (and the world) are priority.
Even looking at younger Macaque, from what little we‘ve seen, he was bit of a grouch, grumbling and half heartedly rolling his eyes at Wukong‘s antics. Whereas Mei is right there alongside MK being silly and goofing off.
(I‘m sorry for dragging the Warrior/Hero stuff back to the table, but with how often Mei is labeled as the Warrior in the fandom I would have thought there‘d be more. So I was wondering if I am just not very observant 😅)
First of all: never apologize for bringing up the Hero and the Warrior motif! I'd also like to thank you for your other thoughts, Azure and Mei parallels are always delicious.
Second of all: to quote my own Hero and Warrior meta, (mainly because I'm too lazy to rewrite anything):
"We know that the Warrior is someone who follows the hero, someone who is the moon to the Hero’s sun, someone who loves and looks up to the Hero. In this sense, the role of the Warrior is completely defined by the role of the Hero. [...] During the night, the Warrior is the moon that brings light to the world in the sun’s absence."
So, in regards to Mei being a Warrior to MK's Hero, I'd say she fits the bill pretty perfectly! "Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them", and together MK and Mei are always going to be able to "figure it out". Even when MK isn't there or they're separated (particularly in 4x10), Mei and the gang are still going to step in and try and help (or be that light when the hero is absent).
Moving on: Mei and Macaque parallels.
I think the way Mei is treated by MK in s1-3 is reminiscent of both how Wukong treats MK during s2 and how Wukong treated Macaque in the past. MK ignores Mei—often letting his own reach for power affect his relationship with her, especially in episodes 1x06, 2x03, 2x06, and 3x03 (and honestly even 2x02). I'll just put shit MK does to Mei over Macaque dialogue lol:
Macaque: "Still the same Wukong—doing whatever he wants with no regard for others!" (3x14 Destiny Fulfilled)
-
Macaque: "Look Wukong, I get you're excited, I do! But- crossing the Jade Emperor's going to have consequences—aaannnd you're not even listening." (4x02 New Adventures) (Thank you 2x03 for stating that MK doesn't listen outright. We owe you a lot.)
-
Macaque: "Wukong didn't think so—he always felt he had to be stronger, more immortal." (4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)
-
Hopefully that demonstrates my point!
I'm also banking on whatever went down between Wukong and Macaque paralleling 3x10 (Ending with SWK choosing to leave Macaque while MK refused to leave Mei), but we'll have to see!
Ultimately however, I'd say that rather than parallels, Mei and Macaque are foils. They have some similarities, but there are also a lot of key differences between these two characters. Like anon mentioned, Macaque is cautious while Mei is foolhardy, Macaque looks out for himself while Mei works to protect others, Macaque prefers to watch and wait while Mei believes in taking action, Macaque turned against Wukong when Mei could never turn against MK.
But, in that same vein, I think they're in the process of becoming more like each other. Mei is learning to slow down and focus, to "harness the wild energies and emotions burning within" her—essentially to be more cautious. Macaque on the other hand is learning how to be a team player, and is starting to put himself on the line for other people:
While MK and Wukong have always been pretty similar/have made similar mistakes, it's interesting to watch their counterparts slowly become more like one another, but instead with their virtues.
Speaking of, Macaque's 2x07 line-
"As time went on, the hero obtained power beyond comprehension. As the hero’s light grew, so too did his shadow—and soon, the Warrior was cast into that shadow."
-has uh, started to worry me, mainly because I'd say that now, post-s4 MK has quite literally obtained power beyond comprehension:
And while 3x10 will always be important because of MK's choice to stay by Mei, I wonder if we're due for another ultimatum where MK doesn't make that right choice (*cough cough* he leaves in 4x08 mainly because he's afraid of hurting the people he cares about—something that is going to come back later *cough cough*). Or perhaps it's a role reversal, where Mei and the Gang have to decide whether or not to "abandon" MK (aka destroy the "harbinger of chaos", al la 3x04 Macaque Flashback).
#or maybe a little of both#I will say there is HMMM some SPICE to like#Macaque leaving SWK (under the mountain) and then Mei not leaving MK#which oh god dammit it's samadhi fire part 3 again#lmk#lego monkie kid#lmk Mei#lmk MK#lmk Macaque#iris quartet#the warriors#samadhi fire part 3#asks
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Gentlemen - season 1 (2024) review
Alright, alright, alright….. wait, McConaughey is not in this one? Oh, well that’s not alright, alright, alright…
Plot: When aristocratic Eddie inherits the family estate, he discovers that it's home to an enormous weed empire, and its proprietors aren't going anywhere.
Guy Ritchie is honestly great. Since way back when he made Lock, Stock and Snatch, he’s consistently churned out top quality entertainment, except maybe the Aladdin remake. I mean I totally get he probably got a superb pay check out of it, but honestly what in the heavens did Guy Ritchie have to do with blue genies I will never know. Regardless, where the man really excels at is when it comes to the British gangster genre. The guy can make swearing sound so poetic and melodic - it’s honestly mad how something so otherwise rude can come off utterly beautiful and delightful like a song. Especially in his 2019 film The Gentlemen, the writing in that movie was so good!! Naturally Netflix caught onto this too as we now how a spin-off series.
Going into the show I was looking forward to it but also cautious, as I was aware this new show was missing the star power of the original film. I mean can you blame me? The movie had the likes of Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, Colin Farrell and Hugh Grant to name a few. That’s a solid load of A-listers huddled together. As for the show, the names like Theo James or Kaya Scodelario didn’t instil heavy excitement, especially with James as honestly, I always thought he was a bit of a prick. Granted this may be due to when he played the dickhead in The Inbetweeners movie, and gosh do I feel old with that reference, but he just has that face of a guy that’s so full up his own arse. Again, I’ve never met the chap, he’s probably a lovely human being, but I’ve made this prejudgment in my head and as such when I found out he was the lead of this series I naturally rolled my eyes. That being said I give Netflix props as they hired the original film director Guy Ritchie to create this spin-off and even direct some of the episodes and do a lot of the writing, so of course I was going to check this show out.
Never doubt the Guy should be a new cinematic rule. I’m proud to report that the new The Gentlemen series is a fantastic watch. It’s not the most original show, yet it plays out more-so like a Guy Ritchie’s greatest hits, as it’s got his visual flare and style, with the super cool and smooth fashion choices - honestly Scodelario has a wardrobe change every other scene and each time it felt like she was walking out of a Tom Ford fashion exhibit, and then also all the men wearing their gentlemanly suits dripping with swagger and smoking their cigars and drinking their whiskeys - the whole thing is simply infused with that signature upper-class British gangster feel. Ritchie’s signature syllable-heavy dialogue that just rolls of the tongue is also more than ever present here, and whoever decided to cast Giancarlo Esposito in this show deserves a pay rise, as Esposito’s soft-spoken melodic tone proclaiming the colourful lines of Ritchie’s rich exposition was music to the ears.
The cast here too are super game. Theo James was actually solid as the lead young duke, as he had that manly prowess and was very believable as someone who gets shit done. Kaya Scodelario I thought at first was trying too hard to mimic Michelle Dockery from the original movie, but eventually she made the role her own, and she gave enough mystery to her performance to make us feel uncertain of her true motivations. Daniel Ings as the duke loser-cocaine-addicted-brother Freddy was a lot of fun, however I would say his character became a bit overbearing and annoying in the end, as he constantly made so many mistakes throughout that I honestly kind of wanted him to get killed. It’s as if whenever the show needed an excuse for something bad to happen, they’d just get Freddy to fuck up again. Apologies for my language, I don’t usually swear in my reviews, but also this is a Guy Ritchie project we’re talking about, and he uses the F word every other sentence. So fuck it. In regards to other notable cast members, Pearce Quigley as Gospel John, a leader of a religious gang was oddly creepy yet entertaining, especially when he’d randomly scream certain lines for absolutely no reason. Pure psycho. Peter Serafinowicz and Guz Khan have amusing turns. Lastly we have two British gangster alumni Vinnie Jones and Ray Winstone. These two of course were on a different level to everyone else. Of course Vinnie Jones can be quite cheesy when it comes to acting. One can fondly remember his delivery of the line “I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!”. But when it comes to Guy Ritchie, Jones and him have always been a great pairing. Here as the duke estates’ caretaker, Vinnie is super reserved yet again super cool. I think cool is a word that can be used and abused when it comes to this show. It’s all so cool! Then Ray Winstone as the leader of the crime family… I mean it’s Ray Winstone as the leader of the crime family! He got that Godfather-level gravitas, only more Cockney, and it was great watching him do his thing.
When it comes to the story, this show is standalone to the original film. You can definitely see the inspiration though with certain narrative beats and story choices being very reflective/similar to what occurred in the film, and then the hidden weed farm under the estate looked like exactly the same set as from the film. But overall this is completely its own thing, and each episode brings more fun crime shenanigans for the characters to deal and navigate through, and it was consistently entertaining. My only complaint is that I’d say the finale a tad anti-climactic. I think with all the roughness and toughness that the characters go through, the ending tied everything up a bit too conveniently and neatly. I get I’m not to expect the most realistic thing as this is Guy Ritchie’s world, but I did want things to get a bit more messy, especially due to the build up. That being said this is a major win for Netflix, and I’m expecting a season 2 to be green-lit soon, as this is a winning package.
Overall score: 7/10
#the gentlemen#the gentlemen netflix#the gentlemen show#tv series#Netflix#streaming#the gentlemen review#guy ritchie#theo james#kaya scodelario#comedy#crime#thriller#weed farm#ray winstone#vinnie jones#The gentlemen tv series#gangster#British gangsters#daniel ings#joely richardson#giancarlo esposito#Pearce quigley#peter serafinowicz#guz khan#spin off#action
9 notes
·
View notes
Note
Heyy, a bit of a rant as a continuation to yesterday’s pre-season testing shenanigans. But now we know why the reason behind GP’s smirk, and the fact that both GP and Adrian were so incredibly smiley after that fast lap Max pulled.
For preface, I’m not 100% sure as to the fuel loads, I came across this on Twitter today, and honestly it makes so much sense putting the dots together.
Now, let’s see. A full race fuel load is 110Kgs of Fuel in the car. This is for a full race, a 305 km distance, which is about equal to 85 litres of fuel in the car to cover the whole 305 kms. Max was able to set the 1:31s in high fuel loads, which are similar to the race fuel loads. And when comparing data, whether that is with the C1, C2 or C3 tyres, Max was actually able to pull about a second or 2 quicker than the rest of the grid, in the long runs.
So yeah, apparently that GP smile is something that all teams should be scared of, because even though today Carlos pulled 1:29s, he was on C4, Max did the even go on C4 yesterday and the track is only getting better minute after minute. So let’s see if it’s actually (hopefully) a rocket-ship of a car.
(so sorry for the rant, especially because its very technical)
First of all: Please don't ever apologize for ranting in my inbox, about anything, and definitely not about the technical aspects of F1! I absolutely love getting your takes, and I appreciate your perspective so much. Please feel free to share any and all thoughts you may have, about anything, no matter how technical. 🫶
I just have to say that I am so excited for this season, and the RB20 seems incredibly promising already. I really hope it turns out to be another rocket ship. (And I hope my cautious optimism for the SF-24 won't turn out to be a fluke as the season gets underway.)
GP's knowing smile should unnerve just about everyone on that grid, because that man knows things we likely won't until the season actually gets underway. And I personally cannot wait to see how it unfolds.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
“Like, did Eddie ever tell Chris Buck is his gaurdian? How the hell do wr know. No emotional payoff.”
To the anon who mentioned this. I couldn’t agree more with you. It was one of my biggest issues with season 6 honestly. The constant offscreen payoffs to storylines. But, Unfortunately while Kristen is in charge of the show, I don’t see that changing much going forward. That is unfortunately her style and the type of story she likes to tell/have told. So many things started happening off screen (emotional conclusions, conversations, family issues) once she really took the reins of the show in season 4. I don’t say season 3 because while yes that’s when she joined the show, she took a more passive role in things until she got on more stable ground in season 4. Part of that falls onto how she was trained and part of it falls on her own laziness which I say laziness because she has admitted in one or two different interviews that she’s run out of ideas for the show in terms of big disasters and plots. She’s also admitted she feels their best work comes when they “tune out” what the fans are saying instead of “second guessing their decisions based on fan reactions” and the same thing regarding buddie. She has been against it since the very beginning and has stated multiple times she “does not see it” (it being the romantic aspect between Buck and Eddie) and won’t let it happen. Now, that all being said, the big wigs at ABC can very well stick their hands into it. Obviously they are going to want to get their money worth from buying this expensive show. They could be planning on a season 8 already and are waiting to see how season 7 does before they decide to replace her. They could decide to replace her before season 7 even airs and just waiting for the writers strike to end before announcing it (I’m leaning against this route since we’ve already started hearing about writer changes and i feel like we’d have heard of her being replaced before they started writing scripts since changing after they were written would potentially cause rewrites under a different vision. Not exactly something they’d want after losing so much money due to the double strike) or they could keep her and just firmly over ride what she wants and flat out tell her this is what we want make it happen. No matter though, while she stays in charge of the show I would caution all of us to not get to… grand with our expectations over buddie and other things. I’m not saying don’t be excited over it. Just cautiously do it so you don’t get upset later if it doesn’t happen. We all saw what the end of season 6 did to the fandom.
Great thoughts anon. I will be much more cautious going forward.
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello alice!
how are you feeling about all the promo stuff we've been getting so far? i'm so excited, i cannot wait. we're being fed! it seems like we'll be getting a Lot of buddie content in 6x10, so you have your work cut out for you with the meta lol. but i'm really looking forward to hearing your thoughts on whatever's coming!
hope you're doing well!
Hi Nonnie, thank you so much for this ask! And for the sweet, kind personal message! I hope you're doing wonderful, lovely! xoxox
TBH, yes I am! I kept writing during 6a and the hiatus in response to asks that I do believe Buddie were kept at a bit of a distance in order to allow them to come back together, closer and stronger than before, and at least some of what we're seeing suggests exactly that, and I am living for it!
I am, as always, also cautious. I don't wanna take the good stuff that tells me we'll be well fed and jump to any conclusions on canon Buddie. I would LOVE it if that's where they're headed, but I don't wanna set my expectations too high and maybe feel disappointed.
Honestly, I love the Buddie love story so much, I find that's where a lot of my patience is coming from. I love Henrem, Madney and Bathena, but Buddie will always be the most epic of the love stories 911 has told, in part precisely because of the slow burn nature of it all. So as long as I know we're going to see that love of theirs being played out on our screens, like when Eddie the cool and collected army guy loses his shit and screams for and runs to Buck, I'm less stressed on whether Buddie goes canon this season or the next. Though NGL, it would be DELIGHTFUL if it were this season.
And oh, wow. Thank you for looking forward to my meta. I'll do my best for you! Seriously, this is so kind, and I really needed kindness right now. Sending lots of love to you! And here is my ask tag. xoxox
#buddie#911meta#buddie meta#911 meta#9-1-1#evan buckley#eddie diaz#edmundo diaz#evan buck buckley#911#911 spoilers#911 speculation#ask#anon ask#fandom love#kindness#thank you!#<3333#911onabc#911 on abc#911abc#911 abc
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm very excited we get to see Matt Casey in season 11 of Chicago Fire. Its honestly a shining light in a rather dismal season. I'm probably one of the small percentage that is clinging to hope that this will bring any sort of reconciliation or a step toward that for Brettsey.
I don't blame people if they were to call me crazy or naive but I'm a very optimistic person in general. Has that trait come back to bite me in the end, oh absolutely. I have a long list of my favorite ships that did not end up together (honestly, still not over Angel and Buffy, after all these years). But there's always that little voice in my head saying, 'don't give up'.
I also truly understand where fans who are cautious are coming from. We watched a beautiful slow burn happen before our eyes only to have it ripped away suddenly a short episodes into the relationship. And to be strung along all of last season, going into this season. The trust we have in the writers and showrunners is no longer there (at least for me) and because of that its important to keep your guard up after all that we have been out through.
Even after experiencing all that I still cling to hope. I guess, the idea of maybe someday will become a reality at some point. I still hope that Sylvie and Matt get their happy ending with each other.
All in all, I'm just really excited to see Jesse Spencer's handsome face on my screen again. I also beg he have scenes with a majority of the castmates.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Not What I Expected Ch6
It’s Autumn in 1985 and Eddie is being harassed because he sold weed to the wrong girl. Steve is still trying to get over Nancy and might have found the one person that can help him achieve that goal. Meanwhile, Robin has some secret romantic intentions of her own.
Pre Season 4 and not canon compliant with season 4
6K+ words
AO3
There he was again, in Steve Harrington’s house. If you had told him a month ago he’d be getting rides from King Steve, he’d be in his house not once but twice and that Steve himself would confess he liked him…he’d have laughed in your face. Now he had butterflies in his stomach just from looking at his dumb handsome face. While he wasn’t ready to trust Steve, he was excited at the prospect of him telling the truth. Eddie had had plenty of flings; guys experimenting and curious about what it was like to fuck a guy. No one from Hawkins though, that was his rule. Maybe that was part of his hesitation when it came to Steve.
He didn’t seem to be the douche he was in the past, but Eddie still remembered being bullied by him and his friends. What was to stop him from telling everyone that he’s gay if he decided he didn’t like him? Or like guys at all? Sure, he already knew he was gay but in Eddie’s experience, internalized homophobia tended to lash out when his partners grew scared of getting caught. He wanted to trust Steve and believe that he had 100% changed. He wanted to believe that he did like guys and that he did want to be with him. He’d love nothing more than to spend the night fucking, but he had to be cautious. One mistake with Steve could potentially ruin his life.
Thinking back to their time together in school, Steve had never directly been too cruel to Eddie. There had definitely been a handful of times he’d heard the word ‘freak’ tumble from his lips, but he mostly sat by while he got the worst of it from the others. During his last year he’d been too consumed with Nancy Wheeler and Jonathon Byers to pay much mind to anyone else, least of all Eddie. He honestly didn’t expect to see him much after he’d graduated. Sure, Hawkins was small, but they didn’t really run in the same circles. At least he didn’t think they did. When Steve had worked at Scoops Ahoy, Eddie had definitely seen him once or twice in his dorky little uniform and been tempted to go in and knock him down a peg. In the same breath, he’d find himself thinking that the uniform suit him and the insults he'd thought up had all turned flirtatious to various degrees. In the end he always walked on by without a second glance.
He frequented Family Video more often, it being one of the places he met with his customers for a discreet exchanging of hands. The first time he’d seen Steve there, he’d almost walked right back out, but the other had merely greeted him like any other customer so he’d carried on. That’s all he’d been to Steve, just another customer in Hawkins who he didn’t even seem to recognize. If not for their link in Dustin, that’s all he would have remained, and Eddie thought he was ok with that. It was preferable to this never-ending storm of lust and confusion that swirled about his brain. Because Steve Harrington was confusing. He’d gone from someone Eddie hated, to someone he desired in what felt like the blink of an eye. It was maddening the hold he’d taken on his mind both while awake and dreaming. He wanted to cat him aside and move on without him, but he couldn’t pull himself away from the blindly light he emanated every time he smiled his way.
So, Eddie conceded that, at least for the time being, he was stuck with Steve tormenting him every hour of the day. To be completely honest, he kind of enjoyed it. It was like a never-ending string of surprises with every little thing Steve did and said. Giving him rides unprompted, saving him from Jason (twice), letting him stay in his home without any promise that Eddie would return his feelings. He was a born protector and Eddie felt safe inside the shield he projected around those he cared for.
Eddie sat at the kitchen island of the Harrington home, his feet not quite reaching the floor from the height of the stool. As soon as they’d made it inside, Steve had asked if he was hungry, and Eddie didn’t hesitate to answer. He hadn’t eaten all day, too caught up in his head to even think about food. Now that he felt safe, his hunger was the only thing on his mind. Eddie figured he’d order a pizza or something easy, instead he went to the kitchen and started pulling out ingredients. Given that Eddie was not a good cook, he was impressed that whatever he was making actually smelled good and he seemed to know what he was doing. Maybe this was his first attempt to show him that he liked him. A dinner date at home with a home cooked meal. It was definitely one of the nicest things anyone had done for him.
“I didn’t know you could cook.” Eddie finally commented after sitting in silence for so long, picking at the edge of the countertop.
Steve glanced over his shoulder at Eddie, a small smile barely visible. “I kind of had to learn. It was either learn to cook for myself or order out every night.”
“Your parents don’t cook?”
It was an innocent enough question, but for a minute, Steve said nothing. The only noise in the room was the sizzle from the pan and the scrape of the spatula. Eddie wondered if he’d somehow said something wrong. He’d yet to see his parents. If they had seen Eddie they were sure to tell Steve that he couldn’t stay. Everyone thought he was a criminal just from one look his way. The Harringtons were sure to be no different, especially when it came to their son keeping such company. When Steve cleared his throat a moment later, Eddie nearly jumped out of his skin. He kept losing himself to his own inner monologue whenever silence fell and now he’d been ripped away from it. Eddie was still waiting for him to flip a switch any second and kick him out. Maybe that’s why he was so jumpy.
“My parents aren’t around much.” Steve confessed, keeping his back turned.
“Oh.” Eddie said, because what else was he meant to say? He didn’t know much about Steve, definitely not enough to comment on his family life. So instead, he sympathized. “I get it. My mom bailed when I was 10 and a year later my dad dumped me on Wayne’s doorstep and took off. Parents can be pretty shitty.”
Steve laughed humorlessly. “You’ve got that right. At least you have your uncle, right?”
“Yea…he’s pretty great.” He paused for a second, unsure he should say the next thing but pushing forward anyway. In order to know if Steve could be trusted, he had to know who he really was. “Who do you have?”
Steve looked at him then, eyes wide with surprise. “I have…my friends.” He kind of shrugged off his answer like it should have been obvious.
“Dustin Henderson takes care of you? I thought it was the other way around.” He grinned.
“Well, yea but Nancy and Robin look out for me. And Dustin can have a surprisingly parental attitude when he wants to.”
“That’s true.” Once or twice, Dustin had easily swiped an unlit cigarette from Eddie’s mouth and tossed it to the ground like an unamused parent. He couldn’t even be mad at him; the little twerp was too good and Eddie respected that.
“I’m fine, honestly. I’ve been on my own for so long I hardly even notice anymore.” Steve said, though the tone of his voice didn’t sound convincing.
Eddie wanted to say that it was not fine. It wasn’t ok that he had gotten used to being alone. How young was he when they started leaving him by himself? They had so much money and couldn’t even hire a nanny or a babysitter? Or just someone to check in on him? It made him angry, but it also made him sad. If he weren’t trying to keep his distance, he’d wrap Steve up in a hug and never let go. Here he was trying to protect Eddie, but Eddie wanted to protect him too. He just didn’t know how.
“Alright.” Steve said, grabbing the pan and off the stove and setting it on a towel on the island. “All done.”
Eddie peeked inside the pan while Steve grabbed the pot of rice he’d started earlier and brought it over as well. There was a mix of vegetables, snow peas, broccoli, peppers, baby corn and a few others mixed in with chicken. It smelled amazing.
“It’s stir fry.” Steve said, setting a plate down in front of Eddie.
“It smells good.”
“Tastes even better. It’s Ms. Henderson’s recipe. She gave it to me after I had dinner over there and had like three helpings.”
Eddie loaded up his plate with rice and stir fry, his mouth already watering. The only things he and Wayne could make were frozen or came in a can. He only got meals like that at friends’ houses. Maybe he should date Steve if only to get fed like this every night. As he ate, Eddie let himself pretend that he’d already agreed to go out with him. That this was their normal, eating together and hanging out. Of course, with far more flirting and a steamy make out session on the kitchen counter. He really didn’t need his mind to wander there when the star of that fantasy was sitting across from him. But then again, Eddie’s mind wandered wherever it damn well pleased without any caution to who was around. Still, the idea calmed Eddie a bit as it didn’t sound half bad at all.
“What do you think?” Steve asked, a pleased smile on his lips.
“Good.” Eddie said through a mouthful of food as he shoveled more in.
Steve couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped out or that he truly thought he looked cute with rice stuck to his cheek that was puffed out with food. He was going to choke at this rate. How was this man older than him? Without thinking about it, Steve reached out and brushed the rice off his cheek with his thumb, the tips of his fingers lightly grazing his skin. He didn’t really realize what he’d done until Eddie went still, looking up at him from his hunched position. It had been too familiar, too intimate given that Eddie had already made his feelings pretty clear. Steve told himself he’d do it for any one of his friends, but then he probably wouldn’t have done it so gently.
“You, uh, had rice on your face. Sorry.” Steve said, putting his hand on his lap to show he’d keep it to himself.
Eddie finished chewing the mouth full of food and swallowed before speaking. “It’s okay…thanks.”
They fell into an awkward silence, Steve picking at his food until he decided he was done if only to put some distance between them. He took his plate to the sink, rinsing the few scraps of food into the disposal. The sound of water and grinding of the blades gave Steve a moment to collect himself with a series of deep breaths. Eddie’s skin had felt soft against his fingers, and it reminded him of the first night they had been in this house together. The way he’d touched his skin repeatedly and didn’t appreciate how easy it was. He’d still been in such denial then that he had ignored the way it made him feel to touch and be touched by the other man.
Eddie appeared beside him with his own plate in hand. It was practically licked clean. Steve couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his lips. He shut off the disposal, the absence of the sound making Steve slightly nervous again. Without the distraction he could easily say or do something stupid again. He had to focus himself with a task and the dishes were a place to start.
“You wash, I’ll dry?” Eddie asked.
“I, uh, have a dishwasher actually.”
“Oh…then I’ll rinse, and you put it in the dishwasher?”
“Ok.” Part of Steve wanted to turn down the help and tell Eddie he could go to bed so he could relax with his own thoughts for a minute. But he enjoyed his closeness so he wouldn’t send him away yet.
Steve opened the dishwasher and set his own things in there while Eddie rinsed his plate – which was practically pointless to do given it was devoid of a single crumb. After their dishes were dealt with, Steve retrieved two containers for the leftovers. Eddie helped by putting the rice away and Steve dealt with the stir fry. They took the empty things to the sink and quickly dealt with them as well, Steve washing the pan he’d cooked in while Eddie placed the pieces of the rice cooker in the dishwasher as well. Once all was said and done, the awkward tension hadn’t dissipated. Neither quite knew what to say and though Steve longed to be with him a bit longer, there was nothing much else for them to do but sleep. Both were clearly exhausted, and it was already late.
“I’ll show you to the guest room.” Steve said, leaving the kitchen and indicating that Eddie should follow. Up the stairs and down the hall was a guest room nearly across the hall from Steve’s room. It was very floral and seeing Eddie Munson standing in the middle of the room nearly made Steve laugh. He looked so out of place. Then again, he looked out of place in Steve’s house in general.
“Do you need to borrow pajamas or anything?” Steve offered, knowing he was stalling to be with other for just a second longer.
“No, I’m ok.” Eddie all but dismissed him.
“Cool, well, let me know if you need anything. I’ll be in my room.” Steve was slightly disappointed to leave Eddie, the width of a hall and two doors between them, but there was no other reason to linger.
Eddie nodded and Steve turned to leave when impulse took over Eddie before he could even process it. His eyes blurred, his heart pounding and blood rushing. Eddie was a fairly impulsive guy, he always had been, and many time it had resulted in reckless behavior. This was maybe not the most dangerous thing he’d ever done but was certainly reckless. “Steve.” He called out, catching the other man before he got too far.
“Yea?” Steve turned back to face him and without warning or expectation, Eddie was there, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling Steve in for a kiss. Their lips slanted together, and Steve had barely processed it before he was gone. It was quick, chaste, and then Eddie was releasing him, practically shoving him away. “Night.” He said, closing the door and leaving Steve dumbstruck in the hallway.
Eddie couldn’t believe he’d just done that after telling himself he wasn’t going to do anything like that until he was sure Steve was being genuine. But he’d been so sweet. He saved him from those assholes, again, cooked him dinner, let him stay at his house and the thing with the rice on his cheek had nearly sent Eddie to the floor. How could he resist when Steve had boyfriend material tattooed on his forehead? And he liked Eddie. Or he said he did, and he so badly wanted to believe him. He wanted to see his face after the kiss. He wanted to throw the door back open and see what Steve would do. But he didn’t because he couldn’t. He couldn’t risk it. A five second kiss was one thing. He wasn’t going to let himself fall too fast just to get torn apart. Damn his impulse control.
*
The next morning when Eddie woke it took him a minute to process where he was. He groaned and ran a hand down his face, remembering the events of the night before; how stupid he’d been to lose control for even a second. He rolled over, turning away from the window letting in the sunlight, and heard a crinkle of paper. He wasn’t ready to wake yet, but as always he was a cat when it came to curiosity. Lifting his head, he found a note had been left on the pillow beside him.
“Took the kids to school, then work until 1. Stay in the house. Use whatever you need and borrow any clothes -Steve”
Eddie felt a little flutter in his stomach. Maybe it was being taken care of by someone that made him feel this way, or maybe it was because it was Steve and he liked Steve. It may have been the prospect of having someone really like him enough to care about his wellbeing. Sure, his friends and uncle cared about him, loved him, and protected him but this was…almost romantic. He felt like a damsel in distress from a corny romance being taken in by the surprisingly caring king. Eddie had told him to prove himself, but every little thing Steve did made him giddy like a child with a crush on a classmate. How was he to know what was Steve’s planned actions and what was his own mind running rampant?
Now that he was up, it was time to explore the Harrington home. He decided to save Steve’s room for last as he’d already been in there once before. There was a bathroom at this end of the hall that was four times as big as Eddie’s. The last door was another guest room, this one was themed as the beach with blues everywhere and seashell patterned wallpaper. Eddie thought this room was uglier than the one he’d slept in. Beaches could be relaxing if you could handle the heat and the sand getting everywhere, but this was unsettling. Even the comforter on the bed had the appearance of waves in various shades of blue.
The other side of the hall, past the stairs, had only two doors. The first was a linen closet with nothing of interest, the second was the biggest bedroom Eddie had ever seen. A marble fireplace sat against one wall, a huge bed against the other. The far wall was floor to ceiling windows that filled the room with light. Eddie could see an open door across the room that led to another bathroom. He closed the door without going in. This was obviously Steve’s parent’s room, and he didn’t want him getting in trouble if he broke anything.
Heading downstairs, Eddie first went to the kitchen where he threw some bread in the toaster and explored the rest of the downstairs while he waited. There was a big rec room with a built-in wet bar, a pool table and a TV bigger than he was. Two dark leather couches sat adjacent from the TV with a table sat between them. A poker table sat in the far corner of the room closest to the bar. Eddie couldn’t help but wonder if Steve’s dad ever referred to this room as his “man cave”. He probably did and Eddie wrinkled his nose at the cliché of a man he was building in his head.
The rest of the downstairs was fairly typical for an average house, just double in size. The living room had another TV, this one much smaller than the last but still big, as well as two more couches. Though these were upholstered with an ugly cream-colored fabric and more florals. Another smaller bathroom sat on this floor as well as a dining room with a table that could fit everyone Steve knew and probably still have empty seats, and the spacious entryway.
When the toaster popped, Eddie grabbed his toast, coating it in butter and jam, and took it out to the back. He sat beside the pool while he ate, finding it surprisingly warm by the water. It was quiet here. Occasionally he could hear a car from the road, but other than that the only sounds were the wind and whatever lived in the trees. He was so used to all the noise from loud neighbors, and this was nice, relaxing. He sat for a while longer, smoking a cigarette while contemplating what to do next. There was too much up in the air – with Steve, with Jason, with his future. He’d been hoping to finally graduate this year and missing so many days was bound to hurt him. Sure, Wayne was going to make an excuse for the school, but he’d already missed so much that year. He could see another senior year in his future, and it made him sick to his stomach. At this rate, Dustin would graduate before him.
When Eddie made his way back inside, he went straight to Steve’s room. He’d said he could borrow clothes, so that was an open invitation to go through his things, right? His room was a little messier than the last time he’d been there a few days before. The first aid kit still sat on his desk, clothes were overflowing from the hamper in the corner, and his bed was a mess of blankets and random things thrown aside and forgotten. Eddie sat on his bed, ignoring that he could smell his cologne and the way it made him feel. Beyond that was the smell that was just Steve. He’d noticed it the first time he’d been there, when he’d slept in this very bed, breathing in Steve’s scent and trying to ignore the way his gut twisted.
His first stop in his snooping journey was the bedside table drawer. Many people stored things in there they didn’t want others to see, a terrible hiding spot in hindsight. He wasn’t surprised to find condoms inside, though the rest was fairly tame. Old receipts, a sports magazine with a curvy woman in a swimsuit gracing the cover, loose change and a Walkman sat inside. Boring. He was hoping to find something he could tease him about. Surely Steve had secrets hidden somewhere inside these walls.
Under his bed was surprisingly clean with no dirty magazines hiding, to Eddie’s disappointment. There was an old shoe box, which he could only assume was a Nancy breakup box given the contents. Photos of them together, old ticket stubs, a blue scrunchy, and miscellaneous things he couldn’t figure out the meaning behind. Like a pencil that was practically sharpened down to the eraser, a single bulb from a string of Christmas lights, and an empty beer can with a hole in the side. He was almost a little jealous. Nancy clearly meant a lot to him. Enough for him to keep all these things to remind him of her even a year after they’d broken up. He’d said they were just friends, but it wasn’t so easy to forget your first love and the jealousy began to build as he thought of the hold she must still have on him.
Eddie shut the lid with a snap and shoved it back under the bed, no longer interested in snooping. He didn’t want to find anything else that would just send his mind down a path he was trying to avoid. He remembered Steve mentioning something about a jacuzzi tub the last time he was there and could use a bath. If anything, it would help him to relax a bit and maybe he’d forget to think for a little while. He dug through Steve’s drawers and closet, trying to find the least terrible thing he could and headed to the bathroom. He’d settled on a pair of old sweats with the Hawkins high logo in the top corner of the sweatshirt.
The tub was pretty big, big enough for two seated close together, not that that was a thought he needed in his head at this particular moment. Eddie filled it practically to the brim with hot water. He’d never really been a fan of baths but this was definitely better than the tiny shower at his place. He soaked for a while, pretending like this was his everyday life. He hadn’t a care in the world, he only existed in this moment in the warm water, no one else plaguing his thoughts. Of course, it only took a moment for Steve to invade this imaginary world, appearing on the other side of the tub, facing Eddie in his minds eye. He slid down into the water, running his hands over his face when he reemerged, water dripping from his hair. This was useless.
He scanned the products that lined the wall of the tub. There were oils, scrubs, bath salts and lotions. Eddie had seen the private bathroom Steve’s parents had, so this definitely wasn’t his mom’s stuff. Some of the things were unopened but others were at various levels of use. For some reason, Eddie had never pictured Steve as the type to pamper himself. He did always look extremely clean and well put together. It was possible that some things were there for guests, but given that the Harringtons were rarely home, they didn’t have much of a chance to entertain.
Eddie was so used to his 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner and body wash, that he had to search for what to use for each thing. The soap and shampoo smelled of Steve, which was obvious but did nothing to help him not think of the other man for more than half a second. He tried to focus on scrubbing his hair and his skin, washing away every unwanted thought as he did so.
Eddie stayed in the tub until the water went cold. He couldn’t stop thinking about the events of the last week or so no matter how hard he tried. It was weird how comfortable he was in Steve’s house. He’d barely known him growing up and now he was the number one person who had his back. He definitely never would have seen that coming. Now he was staying in his house, being cooked meals and Steve wanted to date him. He wanted so badly to believe him and just let himself dive headfirst into it. He was getting too comfortable too quickly, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. As much as he tried to deny it, he had already fallen for Steve long before all of this and he was never one for self-control. It had been easy with the partners of his past. He could cling on them and then let them go the next instant. Steve had real potential to hurt Eddie and ruin his life and that terrified him.
*
When Steve returned home, he found Eddie in some of his sweats lounging on the couch in the living room and watching TV. How was it possible that he looked good even in old sweats that were slightly baggy on him? He hadn’t yet been noticed, so he took a moment to stand and watch him. He was spread out casually, his curls bouncier than he’d ever seen them. Steve was hit suddenly with the overwhelming urge to touch his hair to see if it was as soft as it looked. He couldn’t quite remember the way it had felt the last time he’d touched it that first night. Once he proved himself to Eddie, he would spend every moment with him etching every little detail into his brain. The way the smelled, the feel of his skin and his hair, the sound of his voice, the taste of his lips. He wanted all of it to forever be with him.
“Hey.” Steve greeted, dragging himself from his stupor.
“Welcome home.” Eddie said with a grin, sitting up and leaning over the back of the couch.
“I take it you saw my note.”
“I did. It was definitely not an easy task to find something to wear in your stuff.” It was true, if not for the sweats Eddie would have ended up in khakis and a polo and then he simply would have had to go out naked instead.
“I figured we could swing by your place so you could pick up some things, let your uncle know where you are. He’s probably worried.”
Eddie raised his eyebrows, amused. “Just how long do you plan on me staying here?”
“Just until everything blows over and they’re not actively hunting you down.” Or until Eddie was deeply in love with Steve and didn’t want to leave, though he’d keep that to himself.
“Are you sure it’s not just that you want me here?” Eddie had practically read his mind, not that it wasn’t obvious. Eddie was officially within the umbrella of Steve’s protection for sure, but he was also swayed by the desire to keep him near for selfish reasons.
Steve’s cheeks visibly colored pink as he stuttered over his words. “No, I mean, yes I do want you here but to keep you safe.” He wasn’t lying. They both knew it wasn’t a whole truth either.
“You’ve got a pretty bad case of hero syndrome, don’t cha?” His smile could easily melt Steve into a puddle whenever he was teasing him.
“No, I just…I want to know the people I care about are safe and cared for.”
That hit Eddie right in the gut and god did he want to kiss him. It would be so easy to throw himself over the back of the couch and run to his side. He’d already slipped up once, he couldn’t again. It didn’t seem Steve was going to bring up the kiss from the night before, so he wouldn’t either. Even if he’d laid awake for hours after that resisting the urge to run down the hall and jump his bones. He’d always just let himself get lost in his partner and wasn’t used to holding back. This was definitely testing his willpower. He wasn’t sure if Steve had noticed his knuckles growing white as he gripped the couch to ground himself.
Eddie stood from the couch, switching off the TV and grabbed his boots that he’d left by the door. He needed to get out of this house and into the cold to drench this heat between them. It was the only way he’d be able to stop himself. “Alright, let’s go.”
Steve was slightly surprised he hadn’t really responded to what he’d said as it had felt like another confession for him. He’d already told Eddie he liked him, but that was a crush and didn’t necessarily mean he cared about him as well. Sure, Steve’s actions over the last week or so had shown his feelings, but he’d just blurted it out and hadn’t expected silence in response. Steve said nothing and followed Eddie out the front door. There was no point in bringing it up right now, there were too many things going on and Steve couldn’t take another outright rejection right now. They were quiet on their drive over to the trailer park. Eddie flipped through radio stations until he found something he liked, and Steve let him smoke in the car on the way over.
Wayne’s truck was parked outside when they pulled up. Not surprising as he typically worked nights. Eddie unlocked the door slowly, expecting him to be asleep, but he was up, standing in the kitchen with the phone to his ear.
“Well, if you see him…” he turned to see Eddie in the doorway and sighed, his eyes drifting closed. “Never mind. He’s here. Thanks.” He hung up and crossed over to Eddie, pulling him into a hug. “Where the hell have you been?”
“I was at Steve’s. What’s going on? I’ve been gone for days at a time before, and you’ve said nothing.”
“You’ve still gone to school and didn’t have people trying to hurt you. You should have called.”
Guilt gripped Eddie in the chest along with something else. It was the warm feeling he’d get whenever he was reminded that Wayne loved him. He dropped his gaze to the floor. “Sorry.” Wayne nodded his response, accepting and acknowledging his apology and letting the hurt blow away.
They stepped into the trailer, Steve following after Eddie up the stairs. “I actually needed to talk to you.” Eddie said, meeting Wayne’s eyes once more. “I’m going to be staying at Steve’s place for a while. I’m not sure how long.”
Wayne looked between the two. “Why’s that?”
“Things have kind of escalated with the guys at school and they’ve let me know that they know where I live and basically threatened to show up here. It’s safer if I stay at his place until it blows over.” The guilt began to build up again at the thought of those assholes showing up and Wayne having to deal with them. God help them if Wayne had to deal with them.
“What about school?”
“I’ll probably hide out for a few more days and then use the buddy system around campus.”
“I’ll drive him to and from school too.” Steve chimed in, feeling sheepish and standing back.
Wayne glanced between the two again, as if trying to figure something out. “And these boys won’t suspect you’re staying with him and just show up over there?” Wayne asked.
“They saw us together last night so they might suspect it when they don’t see him coming home, but we’ve got the best security system you can buy. No one is getting in there without permission or alerting the cops.” Steve explained.
Wayne looked between them once more, calculating. It made Steve squirm. He’d spoken to Wayne before and had been asked to keep protecting him, but he still made him nervous. It felt like he could see there was something more than friendship lingering between them. “Alright. I’ll give the school a call and let them know you’ll be back in class Friday, so you better go.”
“I will.” Eddie felt slightly awkward having this moment with his uncle in front of Steve. Especially with the look Wayne was giving him, like he suspected something they weren’t saying. He needed to get away from his scrutinizing gaze before he figured out all his secrets. He was good at that. “I’m just going to grab a few things to take over there.”
“Just a minute.” Wayne said, stopping him. “Let’s talk alone for a minute.”
Eddie felt dread spread over his body. Wayne likely had suspected something and now Eddie was going to have to suffer through an awkward conversation. Steve continued back to his room, not that he knew what to grab or pack, but he wasn’t sure going outside was the best idea. If anyone showed up to cause problems, Steve’s presence outside would give them away. Eddie and Wayne stepped into the living room area, as far away from the bedroom as they could and spoke in low voices. Not that Steve was going to try to listen. Wayne kind of scared him.
“I know he’s your friend and it seems he looks out for you, but do you trust him?” Wayne asked.
Eddie thought for a second and realized that yea, he trusted Steve. Maybe not with his heart and his secret, but in all else he did. “I do.”
“You’re safe with him?”
“I think so.”
“Does he know…about you?”
“Yea. He knows I’m gay.”
“And are you two…?”
“No.” Eddie blurted out too fast, his cheeks coloring pink. “I’m not running off to shack up with my boyfriend if that’s what you’re thinking. We’re just friends.”
“Ok.” Wayne put his hands up in resignation. “I know you’re technically an adult, but I feel like I should know these things as your guardian.”
“I promise I’ll let you know when I decide to move in with a boyfriend. This is just a friend helping me out. He denies it but he’s got a hero complex.”
“Make sure you do. And keep me updated on what’s going on, ok? I’d rather not get a call from the school that you missed two days without telling me.”
“I will. Sorry.” He apologized again.
“Go on, get your stuff.”
Eddie nodded and headed back to his room. Eddie had felt bitter for years about his dad abandoning him. He’d spent more nights than he was willing to admit crying into his pillow. Wayne knew and let him have his space, silently conveying that he was there when he was ready. Eventually, Eddie had gone to Wayne, and he’d held him while he cried and after he was done he promised he would always be there. He would never abandon him, and he would keep him safe. After a while, Eddie’s hate for his dad grew as did his love for Wayne. As far as he was concerned, he was his dad now. Wayne hadn’t been mad when he’d failed his senior year, he hadn’t kicked him out at eighteen, he’d simply picked him up and dusted him off like he always did and encouraged him to try again.
Steve was standing awkwardly in the middle of his room, hands on his hips and taking everything in, when Eddie joined him. It was strange seeing him in his room. He’d thought about it many times over the last little bit but hadn’t expected it to become a reality. Steve looked like he’d gotten lost, and Eddie couldn’t help cracking a smile, though he managed to stifle the chuckle that threatened to escape.
“Your room is a mess.” Steve said as soon as he realized Eddie had joined him, his eyebrows knit together the way they did when he was thinking.
“Not all of us have a maid to clean up after us, Harrington.” Eddie rolled his eyes.
“For your information, I don’t have a maid. I do the housework myself.”
“You cook and clean?” Eddie grinned. “You’re a regular housewife.” He dumped the contents of an old backpack onto his bed and started shoving clothes inside.
“It’s called chores. I have to keep the place clean. You never know when my parents are just going to show up without warning.”
“Do you wear an apron and rubber gloves when you clean?” Eddie asked, zipping up the bag and turning to Steve.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Steve asked, smirking.
Oh shit, was Steve starting to flirt? Ok Eddie could flirt a little. It was maybe dangerous, but Wayne was right on the other side of that door so maybe it was ok. “Maybe I would. You gonna wear them for me Stevie?”
Steve tried to ignore what the dumb nickname did to him and instead took a step closer. His skin felt hot under the collar of his sweatshirt, his heart hammering in his chest so loud it could be heard a mile away. “Depends, what are you going to do for me?”
“What do you want me to do?”
They fell silent, the sound of the TV clicking on in the other room a reminder that they weren’t alone, which is exactly what they needed. This was stupid. A little flirting was harmless but the tension between the two was dangerously close to breaking and they didn’t need to push against it. “For now, I want you to hurry up. I’ve still got to pick up Dustin and Robin.” Steve cleared his throat, trying to calm his thumping pulse with a steadying breath.
“Can do. I’m going to change; you can wait in the living room.”
Steve said nothing as he left Eddie alone in his room, glad to put some more distance between them. It was good that Wayne was there. If they’d been alone he definitely would have given in to desire and ended up throwing Steve down on his mattress. The images swirled behind his eyelids, and he close his eyes and tried to calm himself. He tried not to think about it as he quickly changed into something of his own. He’d left his jacket at Steve’s, throwing on long sleeves and his vest over top. Probably not the best for colder weather but he’d be fine. He found an old, discarded grocery bag on his floor and threw a few more things in it. There wasn’t much he needed to take with him – just a few changes of clothes and some personal items (one of which being his stash). Out in the living room, he could hear voices and smiled at the thought of Steve trying to make small talk with Wayne. He took one final look around his room, looking for anything he may have forgotten, before heading back out to join them.
He’d expected to see Wayne and Steve awkwardly sitting together, chatting about the weather and sports. He definitely hadn’t expected to see Chrissy Cunningham standing in his doorway waiting for him. He nearly dropped his bags, his eyes darting from her to Steve. He was watching him, the concern clear in his eyes. She appeared to be alone, but both knew this could easily be a trap. Eddie had thought her to be a nice girl, she didn’t seem to have any direct involvement with his recent bullying besides the inadvertent start. However, she was still linked to Jason. Steve had been told that she broke up with him, though who knew if that were really true. They’d have to be cautious.
“Hi Eddie.” She smiled shyly.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
3rd day in 10th Grade 8/31/23
I was pretty excited about today since the One piece live action was gonna be released today!TT
I woke up in a good mood and started my day with eating breakfast while watching The disastrous life of Saiki K.!! I ended up finishing the first season which felt refreshing I couldnt wait to come home after class and watch the 2nd season!!:D
I planned on wearing the males uniform today for the last time since I probably wont be able to wear it in the future because of some teachers:D though ive never announced this in my bio but Im actually genderfluid Ive always felt comfortable with both being feminine and masculine and wearing male and female clothes (clothes dont have gender but Im talking about the stereotypes of what society think they're supposed to be worn) anyway I messaged our teacher to ask permission for me to wear a males uniform so she doesnt scold me infront of everyone (though I think shes not that type of teacher but I just wanted to be cautious) later when I kinda doubted that she would even reply I almost unsent the message but then she replied saying "just for today, I'll open up to the other teachers about this" and I felt some of the weight on my chest was gone and skipped my way outside of our house hopping because of happiness...it really meant a lot that she said that....
then I got to school....it wasnt as crowded as before so it felt kinda nice... I then see some of my friends already chatting and after I dropped my bag in our classroom I joined them
Later when class starts....we answered the 7 intelligences by Howard Gardner...we answered this before last school year....though seeing my results nothings changed about me.... I got spatial-visual....butttt our past teacher never actually told us what was the suitted proffession of our intelligences so I was kinda shocked about mine...she said that people who have spatial-visual intelligence will most likely become an "artist,photographer,scultor, and etc" (I forgot what else she mentioned) and like isnt it crazy because I'm an artist...I also like taking pictures (but I dont really have a professional camera)....and I've always wanted to try sculpting....it was so spot on......no wonder my results never changed...
Snack breaaaaaaaak some of my friends havent been dismissed yet or already had their snack breaks so its just me and my 2 friends (that in the same section as me)...we decided to visit our past classroom...sighh even though it was a pain having to LITERALLY HIKE our way to our classroom because it was so high up we still made tons of memories:D while we were there I bought some turon(banana spring rolls) since the canteen was packed as alwaysTT
on our way back we looked up and saw some of our friends from the 4th floor waving at us so we decided to go to the 4th floor!! I met den there and hugged her when we saw each other!!....we talked about one piece shes so nice to chat withhhh and we also talked about the live action that just dropped (the release time was 3PM and it was currently 3:15)
after chatting I headed back to our classroom....the teacher was kinda busy I think and let our most reliable classmate(he was our president in 9th grade) handle us...we just had to take our height and weight...I was kinda surpised of my weight....it was 47.9kg like........wasnt it 51 last time????.....and it hit me....didnt I do fasting......well it was most likely that I was jealous of other peoples body and did it for the sake of looking good...........but honestly I kinda like that fact that, thats my weight...as for my height though....it didnt change at ALL TT IM GONNA CRY.....now that I think about I think I messed up the numbers because wasnt I 155cm last time..? NOW WHY AM I 152???WHAT WHERE DID THE 3CM GO??????AM I TRIPPING?....well I already passed it to the teacher so....sigh....Im not supposed to be 4'9 I WAS LITERALLY 5'1....oh well whats...done..is ...done.......i guess.....T.T ihatemylife
then class ended....we were in charge of cleaning but it felt like a breeze because this time in my new section there are actually people who HELP FOR CLEANING THE CLASSROOM.
I got out of the classroom as soon as we got dismissed my friends were already outside so I just joined them....then headed home:D
I took this photo while I was walking home...
its a lot later than when I really post my journal but I think it will probably change a lot in the future....I started watching the one piece live action right after I got home because I couldnt wait any longer><.(also ber months starts tomorrow, theyre gonna start counting down the days before christmassTT I cant believe its already been more than half a year already)
thats it for todayy thank you for reading<3 baiiii
1 note
·
View note
Last Seen Blogs
a-crestfallen-child
crest
iventures-consulting-blog1
Problems Everyone Has With General Contractors – How To Solved
sorrelce
wading eridanus
jamearts
That JAMEArts blog
felicia-watercolor
felicia.watercolor