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tj-crochets · 2 years

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Hey y’all! I was a little flippant in the post about the salt yesterday, and it occurred to me some people might want to know how I actually got diagnosed with POTS (and other salt problems) so I’m putting it below the read more. It’s long, has a lot of medical jargon, and briefly mentions some medical unpleasantness. Also: I am not a medical professional. This is me talking about my experience with taking eight years to get a diagnosis, not medical advice.

For me, POTS started as a teenager when I got mono and strep throat at the same time. I’d already had doctors tell me I needed to up my salt intake and drink more water, but being sick took me from “gets dehydrated easily” to “resting heartrate of 140 bpm and severely dehydrated”. I was basically on my mom’s couch for a month and a half, had to quit my job, and ended up on a heart monitor for a month while they tried to figure out what the heck was happening. They didn’t. Over the course of the next year or two, I gradually got better. Once I was physically capable of it, being in a musical (3+ hours of dance rehearsal 5 or 6 days a week in an old theater with a faulty AC) and starting Krav Maga (a, uh, very intense martial art) helped a lot*. I was still more sensitive to heat and dehydration than most people, but I was more or less functional. I had fairly severe muscle spasms and migraines sometimes, but I could handle it, and after going to several doctors I pretty much gave up on getting a diagnosis for a few years. Then my family moved, and I started going downhill fast. I developed severe seasonal allergies that started as occasional hives and turned into what the allergist called “the worst hives she’d ever seen” and then anaphylaxis like clockwork the end of every June. There was a fire season like any other fire season, but my cough didn’t go away, and I dislocated a rib coughing and got diagnosed with asthma. During all of this, my POTS was getting worse and worse. My blood pressure was rarely above 100/60, and my resting heart rate was never below 100 and rarely below 120, but I couldn’t get any answers. My heartbeat was always perfectly regular, just fast, so the cardiologist called me a “medical mystery” and sent me home. (Somewhere in here is when the allergist suggested I had mast cell problems) By the summer of 2019, I could barely walk and couldn’t stay awake through the day. I was sleeping at least 10 hours a night and needing a two or three hour nap every afternoon. I saw a post by thebibliosphere about POTS, and brought it up at my next cardiologist appointment. He didn’t have a tilt table**, but did the test where they take my heart rate and blood pressure while lying down, sitting down, and standing, and I was like textbook perfect POTS numbers. He offered to surgically cauterize part of my heart to slow it down.*** I said “can I try salt pills first?” and he said “Sure. Can’t hurt. Might help!” Salt pills made a HUGE difference. I could stay awake! I still couldn’t walk far and got tired easily, but the brain fog lifted a little and I could think and plan again, so I asked my primary care doctor for one more referral. The neurologist and endocrinologist hadn’t found anything****, but surely the way salt affected me would mean something, right??? He gave me a referral to a nephrologist, who did some tests and told me my kidneys were fine but that based on how dramatically salt affected me I had “salt wasting syndrome”***** and put me on fludrocortisone. That brings us to today! I do not have answers for what, exactly, is wrong with my adrenals. Something very clearly is, and multiple doctors have said that. I’ve been tested for all the dangerous options and all the more common options, and I have none of them. I am extremely, extremely lucky; I have very weird versions of every single health problem I have, but the weirdness makes them less dangerous. My POTS is hypotensive, meaning that while I can’t take beta blockers or anything to slow my heart rate and am at a higher risk for passing out, I will not have long term health problems from high blood pressure. My heart rate is also always regular, no arrhythmia, which means I am much less likely to have heart problems later. I have asthma and can’t use rescue inhalers, but it’s weirdly never affected my blood oxygen levels or lung capacity. I have severe allergies, but weirdly very slow ones, so I have time to take benadryl before I reach the dangerous stage (it can take like 8 or 9 hours for me to go from “first symptoms” to “requires a hospital”, instead of the near-instant reactions some people have). Even with all the medications and lifestyle changes I’ve made, I am still very very sensitive to heat, pollen, and dehydration, and some days are better than others when it comes to things like “being able to climb stairs” or “being able to stand for long”. I still need to avoid my food allergies, and will probably never be able to drink alcohol of any kind. It would be very, very difficult for me to live on my own, but my life is so much better now than it was back in 2019 before my diagnoses. I know more people are getting POTS and long covid now, and while long epstein-barr virus isn’t quite the same, I think the path ahead of you might be similar to the path I’ve had to take? It sucks. It sucks! It’s long, and exhausting when you’re already the most tired you’ve ever been, and it seems like there is no end and no help and no hope sometimes, but things can get better. “Better” might not ever be what you used to be able to do, but there will still be so many things you’ll be able to do, and so many new hobbies and places and stories and people to love. If you have POTS, and want to talk about it or ask questions, my inbox is open. If you don’t have POTS and have questions about it, I’ll answer those too. Also, if you don’t have POTS and are organizing an event, please, PLEASE make sure there is somewhere to sit, water to drink, and air conditioning or at least shade if it’s hot. Heat makes POTS much, much worse. *this may or may not be because my adrenals don’t work right, and high intensity exercise seems to help me a LOT with adrenaline. **my understanding is that this is like the gold standard POTS test ***that would have been Very Very Bad for me. My heart rate is high, but any time I take any medication to lower it, my blood pressure drops like a rock. I’m talking 70s over 40s. Can barely stay conscious. ****they both told me I “might have anxiety”. So did more than one urgent care doctor I went to for severe allergic reactions. That’s both supremely unhelpful, obvious, and very clearly not the answer. As far as I understand it, stress will not make your resting heart rate reach 160 bpm unless something is very wrong with something else in your body *****This...isn’t actually a diagnosis. It could mean two things: SIADH or cerebral salt wasting syndrome. SIADH gets worse with additional salt and water, not better, and cerebral salt wasting syndrome is very short term (like weeks at most) after head trauma or surgery so it’s kind of a non-diagnosis? It got me the fludrocortisone, though, and every single one of the many things that could be wrong with my adrenals are treated with fludrocortisone, so it kind of doesn’t matter.

#the person behind the yarn #long post #tj talks about POTS #medical mention #medication mention #I think that's everything I need to warn for but let me know if I should add more warnings #I did not know how to end this post. can you tell? lol #weird thing about POTS (for me) is that the brain fog kind of cancels out the ADHD #so when I'm having a flareup I have no energy but pretty much don't have executive function trouble (except that my memory is worse)#but getting better from a flareup it's like all the executive function trouble hits me at once #I had to re-learn a bunch of coping things I had figured out as a kid once I got on salt pills #it felt like my brain was on a hamster wheel spinning super fast and getting nowhere #completely unable to focus. it evened out after a while!#or I got better at managing it idk #but it still happens every time I recover from a flareup #idk if this post will help anyone #but that post from thebibliosphere literally changed my life #honestly might have saved my life?#because the very bad POTS was masking the allergy symptoms I get at the beginning of a reaction #which made it impossible to figure out what I was allergic to #getting on salt pills and fludrocortisone allowed me to figure out my other health problems and get them under control #if this post can help one person figure out they might have POTS and get the help they need #I think it might be repaying the help I've been given a little #Idk. I am very lucky in my life and I want to share that luck with others when I can #oh wait forgot to explain: the migraines were allergies and the muscle spasms were because of electrolyte imbalances #I still get them both if I get allergied or if I don't stay on top of my electrolyte intake but I have several electrolyte supplements now

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moonstruckme · 7 months

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poly!marauders meets apocalypse? maybe some kind of trope where they got separated from the reader at the beginning of it all and while they knew all the spots they were likely to meet up at they just kept missing each other, times being off and such! + like after some time them finally find their way back together

Thanks for requesting my love! Idk how the first war went (fake fan!) but I imagine this “apocalypse” as during that time, something like the wizarding world in the Deathly Hallows after the death eaters take the ministry? I hope this is alright <3

apocalypse poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.5k words

It’s getting dark, and you know that you can’t sleep here but you probably will anyway.

The cave isn’t a very comfortable place to spend the night, nor does it allow much room for hiding. If some troop of death eaters manages to track you here, you’ll be cornered, but you’ve long since gotten over the fear of being found. That panic lives in your bones now. It’s like your heartbeat, so inseparable from you that you don’t even notice it most the time.

And honestly, if they want to find you here, let them. You’ve got nowhere else to go.

This is the last place you could think of that the boys might come looking for you, the last place that hasn’t been found and desecrated and reduced to searing rubble. James told you once that they used to slip away during trips to Hogsmeade and explore these caves when they were younger. There are dozens of them, but he talked about one, the biggest, at the top of the hill, that they’d made their favorite hideout. You hope he remembers telling you as clearly as you remember hearing it. If they don’t find you here, you’ll have to face the question of whether you know your boyfriends as well as you think you do. Or whether you still have boyfriends to know.

The view from their cave would normally be spectacular, Hogsmeade all lit up and surrounded by woodlands, but knowing that only makes what you’re actually looking down at seem worse. The usually quaint and lively town is abandoned. You can’t detect any movements in the streets and not a single lamppost is lit. What had been such a beacon of joy and fun during your time at Hogwarts, a place tied to some of your best memories—saving money when you were little for sweets at Honeydukes, getting butterbeer with your friends at the Three Broomsticks, watching performers in the square—has been reduced to this ghost town, dark and lonely and vacant but for the poor souls too frightened to leave their homes.

Even as bleak as the town appears, your stomach grumbles looking down at it. Luckily, you’ve been able to utilize your skill with the obliviate charm to steal from muggle corner stores without anyone noticing, but though you leave the memories of the clerks largely intact, you still feel awful about it. No matter what food you smuggle away, guilt turns it bland and unappetizing in your mouth, and you haven’t tried to find a meal in a couple of days. Remus is good with illusions, if he were with you he could make money out of leaves and walk out of restaurants without having to tamper with the muggles themselves. Or if James still has the invisibility cloak, you could be using it to get all kinds of things without raising any suspicion.

An owl hoots in the trees below you, and your head snaps up out of some hopeful instinct. But no, no one is sending you letters here. You’re not even sure if owls are allowed anymore, or if there’s anyone left who would write to you. You wish desperately that Remus was here to tell you you’re being silly, that Voldemort’s followers couldn’t possibly have squashed every ounce of rebellion in just a couple weeks, or Sirius to make fun of the robes the death eaters wear like third years in their rebellious goth phase, or James to hug you and promise, however emptily, that it’ll all be alright in the end.

But as much as you miss the boys, you’re glad they have each other. At least, last you saw them they did.

There’s a shuffling of rocks outside, and you flinch away from the mouth of the cave. It could be an animal, or the wind, but you can’t chance it. You move as quietly as you can to the darkness in the back, pressing yourself against a wall and doing your best to sink into the shadows as you slip your wand free of your shirtsleeve. You’ve got an expelliarmus on your tongue, hoping desperately that will be enough and too cautious to hope for anything more, when the first dark figure climbs into the entrance of the cave.

“Merlin,” a male voice says, shrugging a pack off onto the floor, “it used to feel a bit bigger, don’t you think?”

A choked sob gives away your location, but it hardly matters, because in the next instant you’re racing towards the figure, shoes slipping clumsily on the damp ground. He curses, scrambling for his wand, but then you’re on him, and it’s all he can do to stay upright as your arms go around his neck.

He recognizes you then, gasping your name just as the other two boys make their way up to the landing. They’re mere silhouettes against the twilight outside, but even through your tear-blurred vision you’d know them anywhere. You make a high-pitched keening sound, and Sirius and Remus both rush to you, smushing you and James between them.

You can’t stop crying, splintered, gasping sobs like a child that doesn’t know how to live in the world on its own. You know James is weeping too from the wetness seeping into the collar of your shirt, and you think it’s Sirius’ hand that’s fisted in the back of your coat, but it really doesn’t matter. They’re here. They’re all here.

“I didn’t think you’d come here,” Remus says, voice ragged.

You laugh, and it’s a rough, awful sound, rusty from weeks of disuse. “I wasn’t sure you would either.”

“Fuck, baby.” Sirius adjusts his grip on you, trying to pull you closer though you’re already pressed against him. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

You take a breath, steadying yourself as you step back where you can see them. They all look a little worse for wear, but that’s expected. James is rubbing underneath his glasses, teartracks cutting through what looks like soot on his face. Sirius too is dirtier than he ever would’ve allowed just a couple weeks ago, but he doesn’t seem like he’s lost any weight. And the scars you can see Remus, you conclude after some inspection, are the same ones you’ve been getting to know for years. They all seem okay. However they did it, they’ve managed to stay safe.

“I’ve been everywhere,” you say finally. “I went to the shack first, but there were death eaters there.”

James brow furrows, and he sniffles. “There weren’t any around when we went. When did you check there?”

“The day after it happened.”

“We were there just that morning.”

You sit down on the cold earth, careless of the dampness seeping into your pants. “I wanted to go sooner, but I couldn’t get away from my neighborhood. They were everywhere.”

Sirius takes a blanket out of the pack James had discarded, laying it out on the floor of the cave and motioning for you to come sit beside him on it.

“Did you try Godric’s Hallow?” Remus asks, spreading another blanket for himself and James across from you. “We hung around there for days.”

“Yeah,” you say. Remus sets a hand on your knee as he sits in front of you, James seating himself across from Sirius. “I went there straight after the shack, didn’t leave until the next night.”

“You’re joking.” Sirius looks at you, devastation written across his features. “We got there three days after we got separated from you. We had to have been there at the same time.”

You let out a short, stilted laugh, laying your head on Sirius’ shoulder as a fresh wave of tears obscures your vision. “We must’ve just missed each other.” Sirius wraps an arm around your shoulder, resting his head atop yours. “Wonder how many times that happened,” you say bitterly.

“It doesn’t matter now.” Remus' tone is firm, but his knee bumps into yours consolingly. “We’re together, and…and we’re not going to get separated again. I won’t let it happen.”

“But I think we should pick a more definitive meeting spot,” Sirius says with forced lightness. “Just to be sure, you know?”

James actually laughs, and the familiar sound lifts the mood in the cave slightly.

“Probably,” you agree. “Hey, you guys don't have any food on hand, do you?”

“Merlin, is that rumbling your stomach?” Sirius asks. “I was thinking the roof of this place was about to come down.” He nudges you playfully, and you lean more of your weight onto him in response. He’s laying it on a bit thick in an attempt to try and brighten the atmosphere in your little cave, but you love him for it.

“We’ve got food,” James says, already digging through the pack. “Sandwich okay?”

As ridiculous as it would’ve sounded to you a month ago, the idea of a full sandwich, with bread and everything, makes your mouth water. “More than okay.” You take it from him, all but moaning as you chew your first bite. “Fuck, this is so luxurious.”

“If you think that’s luxurious,” James says enticingly, “wait until you see the grade-a sleeping pads we picked up. It’s a good thing we found you before you had to sleep in here, angel, because this is about to be a major improvement.”

You roll your eyes, but you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. This is already a major improvement.

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delicatenerdbluebird · 4 months

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My Random Takes on The Secret History (contains spoilers)

The biggest tragedy that comes with being Richard Papen coded is you need a group like Julian's Greek class to feel normal about yourself because the rest of the world makes you feel like a misfit.

That Richard and Camilla scene where she reveals being physically abused by Charles... I feel that scene is a strong criticism of abusive households. Like Richard was used to seeing his mother getting beaten by his father and sometimes he was also a victim of his violence. And in 'that' scene, he fantasizes about doing the same to Camilla and worse. This shows it's a never-ending cycle no matter how you see it. The kids are gonna end up developing fucked up fantasies if their exposure to fucked up things is constant.

I strongly believe Henry was gonna make Richard the scapegoat had something gone sideways. And honestly, it makes perfect sense. Richard insisted on joining their class. He was an outsider. Henry could have easily made up something like Richard was envious of their group, he was jealous of his and Bunny's closeness and so he ended up killing him, something along those lines that Richard wanted to be accepted and we would not accept him instantly, naturally because of our prior history. Knowing how Henry was good with words, he could have made Richard an obsessive, disturbed freak to the FBI for all we know. Remember how Henry saved him from getting frozen to death? This incident can be perfectly used to portray him as a mentally disturbed person who would rather freeze to death than go back to his home to a normal eye.

Now Julian. Oh, Julian I knew was the red flag the moment it was mentioned he does not accept students who have different ideas than his. But to think that fucker would turn out to be the biggest crankiest bitch?!! I mean I am soo mad he was the one who fed those Dionysiac ideas to them and in the end, he just ran away?! I was baffled by how he treated Henry during that confession scene he did not even listen to him completely... Henry does not stutter HE WAS STUTTERING and Julian shoved the letter back to him... I mean the disrespect! This scene (for me at least) was a reality check that no matter how loving, cool, caring, and impactful you might think your teacher is, at the end of the day, they are gonna be a teacher and you are gonna be just a student. It destroyed my heart when Henry said he loved Julian more than his own father 😭 The worst thing you can do is take advantage of the vulnerabilities of someone who not only respects you but also loves you dearly. This mf can move mountains and I would still hate his old rat ass!

Charles and Camilla Idek what to make of them. Charles turned from a pitiable character to an entirely disgusting one for me. I accept Francis' theory that he wouldn't have made that much fuss about his interrogating situation if Camilla and Henry weren't a thing. Remember when Camilla and Henry had some secret code and he got mad why he didn't know about it? I do think camilla and henry were always a thing before it became apparent to everyone. Besides the book is from Richard's perspective, and he does seem oblivious at times.

I am not aware of the popular takes in the fandom so I don't know if this is gonna be a hot take or not but Camilla gave pick-me-girl vibes. She did not have any girl friends and looked down upon Judy (I am not asking them to be besties exactly but a little respect won't have killed) Judy only developed a weird impression about them during that party scene when Camilla dropped her drink onto her and did not apologize (or was it the opposite? i dont remember exactly but the point is Judy is not the type to judge others for no reason...she judged them after that party) Camilla's attitude could be attributed to the fact that Charles was controlling but idk

The Secret History reminded me of The Hollow Men by T.S. Eliot (some of the verses below):

We are the hollow men

We are the stuffed men

Leaning together

Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!

Our dried voices, when

We whisper together

Are quiet and meaningless

As wind in dry grass

Or rats' feet over broken glass

In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without colour,

Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

So basically I am yapping here because my friend hasn't finished tsh yet and I just needed to let it all out 😩

Not to mention I absolutely love my expensive gossip boy Francis 🥺 ☕

(Thank u for reading it this far!!)

#the secret history #poetry #francis abernathy #henry winter #camilla and charles #bunny corcoran #richard papen #Julian #donna tartt #dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #dead poets society #dark aesthetic #academic validation #judy poovey #Marion #hampden

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matan4il · 10 days

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911 ep 706 first watch reactions

Buck and Eddie setting up the bachelor party are so funny. They're married to a degree that the bride and groom can only aspire to one day achieve. And Madney are raising a kid together! Then again, so are Buddie, and have been since day 2... (day 1 is forever Buck ogling Eddie at the station, and Eddie strutting his stuff for him, with Buck's now canonically jealou-traction being the, ummm, lubricant)

Oh, Tommy just arrived, Buck and him have done nothing but hug, and Eddie's already bringing on the jealousy jealou-traction. IDK what is the etiquette about bringing your date to a bachelor party, but what's the rule about bringing your hubby who's jealous of your bf?

Oh, and an extra jab at Buck bringing Tommy officially as his date to the wedding. I love me a jealous Eddie. My dude, your closet is shaking so hard, it's about to push you out of itself if you don't make the move already.

Okay, in all seriousness, Tommy not dressing like the 80's, Buck showing that he really cared about that silly party theme, Eddie rolling with it, the two of them being dressed more as a couple than the actual guys dating, Buddie seeing things so much in the same way (down to both seeing themselves as the same character from Miami Vice) while Buck and Tommy are totally out of sync... I love that Tommy is there to help Buck figure himself out, but also, this is the stuff that will forever keep me shipping Buddie.

I know the flashback is mainly to show that the bachelor party is Buck's idea, and goes against Chim's wishes, but Eddie suggests the couple costume? And Buck was so readily on board? Even when he knew Tommy would also be invited? This is my house catching fire, while I sit here, mumbling to myself how fine it all is...

Okay, everyone leaving the bachelor party, even the guy Buck is dating, while Eddie stays, sure is something. And by "something" I mean "a couple." That's a couple. That's Buck's partner in everything, even dumb ass 80's costumes and failed bachelor parties, he's the one who jumps in whatever stupid plan Buck comes up with, and stays to deal with the mess.

LOL And then we got some REAL mess. Again, dumb Buck idea, and Eddie just rolling with it. Making it worse even, by suggesting how to take the party (made up of people who don't even know the groom) to Chimney. These two deserve each other. XD

Buck was behind Eddie while his shirt was being torn? Presumably helping with the tearing? That's it, 911 does not want me to make it to the end of the season with my sanity intact. I guess it's good that I'm not even trying...

I'm glad there was a representation of Chim and Kevin, and a Korean tradition, I just hope it was a truthful one. (do we have Korean viewers in our midst to chime in on this?)

Maddie using her 911 skills to find and help Chim is pretty badass (and a nice gender reversal of the 'damsel in distress needing to be saved a sec before her wedding' tale). Love it!

Maddie and Chim looked so happy during their wedding. Honestly, at the end of the day, my little hopelessly romantic heart doesn't need more than that. <3

Awwww, the Buck and Tommy kiss was nice. I think the most important part of it is we got to see Buck for the first time daring to kiss another guy, rather than wait to be kissed. I may bbe a Buddie shipper, but I think this r/s is important to Buck as well, to his ability to find what he wants, to not be scared of it, to not wait for others to want him as was the case with all the women he'd dated, but rather figure out what he wants in a certain moment, and that it's okay for him to go get it.

(I still don't think Tommy is Buck's endgame, though. Much as his probably my fave Buck r/s so far other than Eddie. Tommy not being there for Buck when the bachelor party flunked, him not being there at the wedding itself, to share this significant moment with Buck, being almost incidental to Buck's coming out to his colleagues and parents, other than being a gay that was obviously kissed by Buck just a short while ago... Again, just not the stuff great love stories are made of)

Hen going, "Finally!" to Karen was funny and cute. Everyone (almost) just smiling at Buck's coming out was nice. But the way his mom reacted in particular felt more realistic, and made me wish that at least with his parents, who we know he has a strained r/s with, the should would have allowed this to be more explored. Hopefully in a future ep if not now.

Thank you for reading! If you're looking for more, you can find my s7 reactions tag here, and more of my Buddie meta and content in my pinned post. xoxox

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malarign · 1 year

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death by the window

(when you die all alone)

contains: angel!Sunghoon x fem!reader | genre: angst? fluff? honestly idk | tw! mention of death, hospitals, and unspecified disease, y/n is dying lonely (is she though?), please read at your own discretion | wc: 0,9k

reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated!!!

author’s note: i wrote it long time ago but honestly i love this one, this is my personal favorite, writing it brought me ultimate comfort, hope you’ll like it ❤️

After years of dealing with multiple hospitals, you decided to end treatment. It wasn’t an easy decision, but telling about this all of your closest family and friends was even worse, even more than dealing with a fatal disease. You were tired of waiting and not living your life the way you wanted. There were so many things on your to-do list like for example bungee jumping, scuba diving in Australia, sightseeing Paris at midnight, Harry Potter marathon with your friends, going to a fast food restaurant all dressed up, painting in a field full of flowers and most importantly finally seeing Wanzhou Waterfall in China.

That’s why you spent past few months and saved up the energy to be able to tick most of those things off. And you did apart from the last one. Even though it was your most desired dream you weren’t disappointed, thought that maybe if not that disease you wouldn’t be able to make it come true at the back of your mind.

It was a rainy evening when you felt that death was near. As if you knew your time was coming to an end you dialed your dearest friends and family’s numbers, talking to them as if nothing was happening. You shared sweet memories and thoughts, laughter and giggles filling your apartment.

“Mom, I think I’m gonna go to sleep, I’m pretty tired. I’ll see you tomorrow though,” you said calmly, with a single tear blurring your vision.

“Of course, honey. I love you so much,” she exclaimed on the other side of the line.

“I love you too,” you whispered and ended your last call. You stared blankly at your wall full of pictures, full of memories you made. This reminded you how blissful you felt at that exact moment.

You thoughts were disrupted when you felt somebody else's presence in the living room, and because of living alone out of fear your heartbeat increased and the palms of your hands became sweaty. Slowly you turned around on the couch to face the window. That’s where you saw a silhouette of a man.

“Who are you and why are you in my apartment?” you asked with a trembling voice.

“I didn’t want to scare you,” the figure said calmly slowly taking a few steps forward now standing in more illuminated place. His facial features became more visible along with pair of two, white-feathered, strong yet delicate wings. You felt like all of your worries faded away along with fear of a mysterious man, or more precisely, a mysterious angel. That’s when you knew. “My name is Sunghoon, and I’m your guardian angel.”

His deep voice was calm just like his appearance. His short black hair falling on his equally dark eyes. His posture was firm but soft at the same time. And his wings? Safe to say they were the most beautiful and grande thing you’d ever seen. White feathers covering them made them seem as fragile as the way he seemed. While looking at him, you felt like time and all the pain you had been feeling had stopped. At this ecstatic moment, your eyes filled with tears. Were you ready? Is death even something to be ready for? While those thoughts were at the forefront of your mind, you started crying without any notice. Without any questions Sunghoon sat next to you, bringing you closer in between both his arms and glorious wings.

“Nobody can be ready for leaving close ones. It’s not something to be embarrassed about Y/n.” You heard not even surprised that he knew what you were thinking about. “I promise that I did everything I could, but sometimes even Heavens can’t predict or get in the way of somebody’s fate. I was there with and for you for beautiful 21 years, experiencing your first friendships, first arguments with parents, first diagnosis, and all those wonderful adventures,” he answered all of your questions you didn’t even know you wanted to ask while pointing at the pictures on the wall. You followed after his fingers crossing around all of the photos. You smiled and looked at Sunghoon saying: “I think I’m ready to go now”.

He returned a smile and shook his head. “No, you’re not, Y/n,” he rejoined covering her vision with his wings. “There is one last thing you need to see.”

When he revealed the view, you realised you were no longer in your apartment in a rainy city. You were in the middle of the beauty of Wanzou Waterfall. Speechlessly you watched as the clear cascades of water fell with a soft splash. The temple hidden between waterfall standing proudly and firmly as if it was welcoming you to explore all of it’s secret paths and mysterious chambers.

You turned around rapidly to face Sunghoon. “How did you…” you stopped when you saw shy eyebrow raise on his face and sheepish smile.

“I know you better than anybody else, and I loved it whenever you were dreaming about this place. I just knew I had to take you here before… you know before what.” He said sctratching the back of his neck. You ran to sink in his embrace not knowing what to say in a situation like this.

“How much time do I have?” You mumbled against his chest.

“Don’t worry about time. You can stay here as long as you want” His answer made you look up and pull away form his warm arms. You ran, wanting to explore the place for as long as you could. And you did, along with your best friend, your angel.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

permanent taglist: (send an ask to be added) @nicholasluvbot, @en-chantedtomeetyou, @kpopstanmeg, @skzenhalove, @nfrgirl, @edensgardenn (in bold can’t be tagged)

#kflixnet #enhanet #sunghoon enhypen #sunghoon x reader #sunghoon imagines #sunghoon fic #sunghoon angst #enhypen angst #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagine #enhypen fic #park sunghoon #sunghoon

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sciderman · 6 months

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Hiii I love your work & Just genuinely Curious. If you got to make a Deadpool movie, Fox backing you up and all. What would it be like or about? Would it be an original story or adapt certain storylines like how Andrew & Tobey did with Spidey? Any specific actor in mind for Wade? Idk just again curious how a Sci made DP film would be

oouugh... my dream deadpool movie is honestly the first deadpool movie but with like. some changes. not even major changes. even ryan can stay. i can't really think of anyone i'd like to replace him – i've always been kind of bad at fan casts - my imagined wade wilson is so specific, i don't think there are any actors that could come close, no sir. i think i'd do the origin - as is - i kind of like the flipping from present to past motif they have – i'd probably keep more scenes they had in the script in the final film that they wound up cutting – i've revolved it in my head, really, how i'd fix that first deadpool movie, and really - first, i'd keep this scene in:

youtube

and i'd shift the ending so that wade just... doesn't get the girl at the end. vanessa walks away. because he's become something else. and actually, a guy like deadpool shouldn't get the girl. he saves her, he saves the day, but actually – becoming deadpool, and becoming so wantonly violent and you know, becoming the exact kind of killing machine he did not want to be –

oy.

i feel like the film wanted to set up this theme that wade needs to be better than this. that he desires to be better. but when he becomes deadpool he spirals back into old violent habits because he deems himself unloveable and does everything in his power to make himself "loveable" (aka attractive) again for vanessa. but what he doesn't realise is that it's not his appearance that does that – it's his actions.

so i think my perfect deadpool movie would be that first deadpool movie, but committing to the theme that actually, just because wade was dealt a shitty hand doesn't mean he has to be a monster. and that his violence isn't something funny or romantic. and that he can change. instead of us seeing this guy who clearly wanted to escape violence... being pushed back into violence and what's worse, being rewarded for it.

it's such a weird, twisted moral attached to the first deadpool movie and i'm constantly thinking about it. i remember the first time i read the leaked script, back in like, 2012, i said: "it's so good, but dear god i hope they change the ending." and they didn't. they just did not. and so when i first saw the deadpool movie i was so thrilled but. when the credits rolled i kind of audibly sighed too. because wade shouldn't get that ending. not yet. not until he does the work.

i also would've given vanessa her powers. or i would've at least teased her powers. i think having it be a surprise that wade didn't know is a delight. save it for the sequel, but tease it. or, honestly – the original script kind of did tease it. like, it's very readable that vanessa could be a shapeshifter, in the original script. she's shapeshifter-coded.

i think i wouldn't do a deadpool movie without first doing it as an origin – the set-up is so important. i don't have any sort of grand plotline i'd do with wade. maybe i'd love to write a cable and deadpool movie – or an x-force movie – god, i want an x-force movie so bad. but honest to god, there's not really any plotlines i'm eager to adapt for the big screen. wade wilson has decidedly less interesting villains and storylines than spider-man has, unfortunately. like, sorry. all his villains kind of are stupid. they've really tried to give him villains but, dear god. the best villain he's ever been up against is his ex-wife. and i don't know, i don't think i particularly want to see shiklah in the movies. i think i'd much rather see grounded, personal stories with wade – ones that don't deal with monsters and supernatural beasts – but, with other mutants, i guess.

if i were to pitch a new fresh deadpool movie in the existing deadpool franchise, save for an x-force movie, i'd love to see wade being recruited as an x-chaperone, and having to look after all these mutant kids but him being completely out of his depth throughout, and they drag him on some huge "world-ending-stakes" adventure but actually, the personal stakes stay very small, and it's almost a ferris buellers day off affair but with more spandex. these kids with their powers run amok and wade's trying to wrangle them but is also whisked away in all the fun of it and is actually worse than they are when it comes to staying well-behaved. they take over the macy's parade... maybe logan swoops in to yank wade by the ear... other x-men cameos abound. that's a deadpool movie i'd love to see. if i were to make a fresh one, that would be it. ferris bueller's day off, but with more spandex.

#sci talks movies #deadpool #ask me about my agenda for making wade a chaperone at the x-mansion #not like that is the entire conceit of the deadpool tv-show pilot i've been hacking away at a glacial pace over this year #and not like coughcoughcough thosearemyplansforwade'sfuturein9319coughcoughcoughcou #i think it's where he belongs. and if i were to pitch a deadpool comic series it would be the same. i just want to see it.#not me planning for both wade and peter to wind up as teachers #my nefarious plans..

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lovejosephquinn · 1 year

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Hi! So sorry you’re having a bad day, same here honestly 😓 it’s times like these where I think we really need a lovely soft Joe Quinn to cuddle 🥰 perhaps a sweet spooning session in bed after a hard day for both reader & Joe? Idk whether I want reader snuggling into Joe’s chest or the other way round, I’ll leave that up to you, either way, snuggles & hair playing. Soft vibes. Oh now I’m thinking about using Joe’s tummy as a pillow as reader lies between his legs while reading to de-stress! Can’t make decisions to save my life 😅 it’s that kinda day! Anyways, sorry for the ramble, hope your tomorrow is better 😊 take care love! ❤️

This.

Honestly, I needed to read this over today after having an even worse day at work than yesterday 🙃 I think it's time for fluffy snuggly af Joseph, need a bit of him

I hope your day's been better today! Lots of love x

Tysm for the lovely request ❤

Joe sprawled across the sofa watching you as you slammed the front door shut behind you, ignoring everything in your path as your eyes made a bee line for the other side, you stomped into the bathroom and flung that door shut to. Today had been simply awful, and you were ready to sob your heart out alone.

You sat on the toilet seat, your head falling into your hands, silently screaming as you had done the whole day, work was really stressful and demanding this last couple of weeks and today had been the cherry on top for you to break. Usually, you were one to keep leaving bad days at work, but you seriously couldn't on this occasion.

A knock came from the side of the door.

"Y/N, are you ok in there?" You sniffled slightly as a single tear fell.

"Love, talk to me, tell me all about it if you want to, or don't I can just be there for you in silence too."

Joe was the sweetest and he was the only person who simply was able to calm you once you were in that state of mind.

"Open the door baby, please. For me." He cooed lowly.

How could you deny him? Simple answer, you couldn't. You unlocked the bathroom door and it creaked open; you stood looking the most vulnerable you had for a long time, and it simply broke Joe's heart to see it.

"You know what you need, you need a bit of snuggle time." You nodded slowly as he gazed into your sorrowful, puffy eyes, your cheeks had gone a little red and your smile he loved to see was nowhere to be seen.

"Come on, let's get under the covers. Let me make it all better." You wrapped yourself around Joe's arm, his fingers intertwining with yours as you tilted against him, slowly walking to your bedroom. Joe lifted the covers back for you to get in. Hopping in, you turned onto your side and in an instant, as soon your head hit the pillow the tears began to fall once more. Joe swooped in next to you, holding himself against you and wrapping his arm around your chest, the other snaked between the pillow and your neck to enable him to close the full space between you, he laid his head down and held you tight for the next few minutes in silent bliss. "We don't have to t-"

"Just keep holding me Joey, that's all I need, that's all I've craved all day." His nose nuzzled into the back of your hair.

"You got it beautiful."

A little later, you rotated around to face your man, your faces meeting at the same level, he gave you a sweet smile, caressing your cheek and wiping the rogue tears from your face. "I thought you'd fallen asleep for a second there."

You shook your head, lips remaining in a straight line but at least you'd stopped crying.

"I don't like seeing my girl like this."

You stayed silent moving downwards so your face could press into his chest, his scent was so homely and calming to you. Joe kissed the top of your head, enveloping you with his arm once more.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"I don't think so but ugh my head hurts so bad."

Joe had a lightbulb moment as he sat upward slightly, breaking the embrace and you furrowed your brows at him. "Why did you move, I was enjoying that."

"You'll enjoy this more. Come lay in between my legs, head on my stomach."

You did just as he said, switching positions and claiming the covers over your body once more as you were whisked away into a glimpse of heaven once Joe's fingers started to play with your hair.

You hummed at the small warm-hearted gesture.

"That feel good, babe?"

You nodded up to him, a slight smile creeping onto your face.

Joe's eyes lit up as he briefly saw the mere glimmer of expression. He took a deep excited inhale. "What's that I just saw?"

"What do you mean?"

He sat up further which slid you down to his thighs, leaning as close to your head as he possibly could. "That little smile trying to peak through."

"I don't know what you're talking about." You tried to hide the sudden giggle that fell from your lips. Joe grabbed a hold of your arms and pulled you up, you were now sat on his lap faced backwards against his chest, he moved your hair out of the way, kissing your neck in a swift motion. You giggled again.

"Y/N Y/L/N, was that ANOTHER giggle?" He said it as if he were talking to a child, you couldn't help but shake your head.

"Fibber." Joe sniggered back.

You were beaming from ear to ear now, his fingers began to tickle your sides and you barked out the biggest howl of laughter, purely because you didn't enjoy being tickled but in the weirdest way possible, it cheered you up.

"Joe... Joe! Joseph... stop!!" Your laugh was infectious to him and instead of tears of sadness, the tears that rolled out of your eyes this time were tears of joy.

Joe placed you down gently onto your back beside him and leaned over you, stroking your head and pushing your chin up to meet his gaze once more. "There she is my baby's back."

You took a sigh of relief. "I can always count on you."

"What for, love?"

"To make me feel good again, I don't know how you do it - you barely do anything, but you're just you and that's enough, I know I'll never be sad for long, so long as I have you. I love you so much."

You could almost see water in Joe's eyes, your words electrified him, he couldn't have loved you more. Your bad day suddenly washing away as you shared a passionate open mouth kiss. Joe spoke his next words so tenderly, "As long as you're smiling, my darling, I know I'm doing right. I love you too."

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overheard-at-camp-half-blood · 4 months

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Athena is an Awful Mother- Yes, Even in the Books

As a child of Athena myself, and as a professional Athena hater, I am honestly shocked at how many people think the show itself made her bad, when to me she was always this bad. The books kind of gloss over the stuff she does, and we’re expected to believe she’s one of the “better” godly parents.

I also think that because most of us read these books when we were 11-12, we didn’t quite actually understand the fucked up shit she was doing, but as I get older, the more I question alot of the the decisions she made as both a parent and a “wisdom goddess.”

Because, yeah, a lot of the decisions were straight up horrible. Like, I don’t think you guys understand that there is more issues to her specific brand of neglect, than most of the other gods.

Spoilers for the books below! Also, this will be talking about Athena in the books, not Greek Myth Athena.

I think my main issue with Athena has always been the way her children came into existence. Because children of Athena are born from thoughts in her mind, born to mortal men she admires. Now, as a child, this didn’t seem as bad, because I didn’t understand the complexities of parenting. I still don’t, but I know a bit more from having friends and peers who have children.. and now I see several issues with this.

First, it’s the idea that even at the beginning, she sees her children as commodities. Her children were made to be “gifts” for men, who she admired. And the messed up part, is based on Frederick’s reaction to Annabeth, she doesn’t actually have enough conversations with these men to know if they’re ready to be fathers. And the fact that men getting their PhDs is something she admires… I’m willing to bet a lot of these men aren’t (getting a PHD is already hard, but add a baby on top of that?!?!).

I still think Frederick’s neglect is his own fault, but to say that Athena cannot be blamed for choosing to have her, and then not even being sure if the man she had her with - who had no choice in the matter- even wanted a child? Yeah, that’s fucked up.

But Athena doesn’t even really care.

And I think that’s what bothers me in particular about Athena’s neglect. Is that she had a choice to have not have the children if she wasn’t going to raise them. She chose to have them, whether or not the men she liked even wanted kids.

But she had them anyways- because, again, she sees her children as a commodity.

Now this isn’t to say she has no redeemable qualities. She helped Annabeth find her way to Camp Half Blood. She gave her that invisibility cap. But here’s the thing- nearly every godly parent is seen helping their children in some form or another, or giving them gifts.

Even the bad ones.

Ares is probably a worse godly parent than Athena… but he still gave Clarisse her spear. Zeus turns Thalia into a tree to save her. And idk, I still feel like we all hate Zeus and Ares as parents.

That being said the Mark of Athena… that is what really confirms every negative thought I’ve had about Athena. That she sees her children as commodities and nothing else. Because as much as we love to try to explain it away by saying that it wasn’t actually Athena, it was Minerva… still Athena. Different form, maybe, but it is implied that these gods hold the same beliefs, so this is something that Athena thinks WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

Annabeth refuses to kill the Romans, and then her mother proceeds to call her nothing and disown her. Because again, Athena sees her children as commodities, nothing more. They are gifts given to men. They are resources for her to use to fight her battles- and this whole scene becomes worse when you considering what she was trying to get Annabeth to do-

To find the Mark of Athena, a quest so many of her children have died on, and yet she proceeds to keep sending her children on these quests. But she doesn’t care how many of her own children die on this quest- her pride is more important.

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #anti-athena PJO #decided to put all my hatred of Athena in one place

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a-random-pillow · 1 month

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Fascinated by Cody Rhodes, The Rock, Seth Rollins and Roman Regin's dynamic. Especially after Monday Raw.

It seems that Rock has devolved respect/hate dynamic with Cody, but the line 'Champion or not, I am coming back for you' makes it seem a little obsessive. Kinda like Roman losing WrestleMania because he couldn't let his grudge with Seth go, which could become a interesting parallel. (IDK what to do with 'Don't break my Heart')

We haven't seen much form Reigns since Mania so we have no clue how he is feeling. I can see a Face run starting with a Road to Redemption kinda dealio but honestly, I think he is going to be dedicated to getting revenge on Seth and Cody. We don't know if his relationship with the Rock and the blood line got soured because of his loss but it is a possibility which makes more interesting ideas.

Cody hasn't mentioned Seth, even though the guy saved his red and white butt at Mania which could hint at a heel turn for either of them. If Seth becomes the Heel he's probably aiming to take Cody's tile since he feels unappreciated for his help at Mania while Cody is trying to apologize. If Cody becomes the Heel and goes back to bisexual menace days, I can see him trying to go for more power but isolating himself form others at the earliest sigh of questioning him which would lead to people trying to take his title for his own sake and because he is being a dick.

If the Rock comes back to Heel!Cody then we could ether see Rock turning Face to help the others bring Cody down or the Rock and Cody team up to cause some major havoc or just two super powerful heels running amuck. If Rocky comes back to Heel!Seth then we might see him helping Seth take down Cody which might parrel Roman and Seth's old dynamic.

Roman depending on ether becoming a worse heel or turning face could interact very interestingly with either Heel or Face Cody.

Heel!Cody + Face!Roman could be Roman trying to help Cody avoid the mistakes he made during his Regin, maybe he doses the thing where he never gives up on Cody and they do 'Disgraced Champions' bit much much later down the line. Or Roman fixing his past relationships and working with the others to take down Cody and prove himself a change man.

Face!Cody + Face!Roman might be a story about forgiveness and when it is okay to forgive someone, but this is WWE, so I find that kind of unlikely. Well, make if Roman gets all self-sacrificial about it.

Heel!Cody + Heel!Roman makes mayhem where people have to choose between two controlling bastards who hate each other's guts. Or they could team up and just become the most powerful team in all of the WWE and dominate.

Face!Cody + Heel!Roman = Roman wants vengeance, Cody Rhodes is Cody Rhodes about it. Mostly just the status quo.

I have so many more thoughts, I'll probably make a PT2 later. Asks are open blah blah.

I am very interested to hear what others think, what options they want, why and what they actually think will happen. Do you have any theories?

#homosexual reading is 100% vaild #wwe #wwe raw #wwe smackdown #cody rhodes #american nightmare #roman reigns #the tribal chief #seth rollins #seth freakin rollins #dwayne johnson #the rock #wwe the bloodline #wrestlemania #WWE theory #smackdown #monday night raw

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joshanniesworld · 1 year

Text

Beautiful Mistakes | k.m.g

one | two | three coming soon!

pairing: kim mingyu x reader

summary: You have a crush on Mingyu, but unfortunately, he's your older brother's best friend. Not to mention that he only sees you as a little sister. So you're stuck between confronting your feelings, getting over your crush, or being forever single.

genre: romance, fluff, university au, brother's best friend

tags/warnings: fem! reader, unrequited love, university au, very slow burn, alcohol consumption, hoshi flirting again, like two suggestive comments, pretty sure there is a curse word somewhere, mingyu is an idiot but so is reader, jeonghan is a little shit but we love him, probably has a bunch of mistakes sorry, I suck at proofreading , idk what else

word count: 3.2k words

author’s note: Did it take me a whole month just to write this? yes, it did. honestly, didn't like this part but hopefully next one is better. we finally get some progress between mingyu and reader! Reblog, like or comment if you’d like to support my work! <3

“You’re wearing…that?”

You looked at your outfit, confused. Clearly, you didn’t understand why Seungkwan and Gahyeon were judging your choice of clothes.

“What do you mean? It’s nice and simple.” You argued.

Your friends gave each other a look that probably meant they disagreed. They walked up to your closet without acknowledging you and started rummaging through your clothes.

“Hey! Don’t do that. I already made a mess, and you’ll make it worse.” Complaining, you walked towards them and tried stopping whatever they were doing.

“Look, the outfit is cute. But it’s basically what you wear every other day.” Seungkwan complained. Gahyeon agreed and showed him one of your blouses.

“What about this? Maybe with a skirt?”

“Oh yeah! That’s cute. Wait, let me find a skirt.” Seungkwan enthusiastically agreed with Gahyeon’s choice and started looking for a matching skirt. “Got it!”

He pulled a skirt from the closet and put it next to the blouse to see if it matched.

“Yup, that’s it. Here Y/N, get changed.” Rolling your eyes, you grabbed both items and went into the bathroom to get changed. “Hurry up, Jeonghan is probably almost here.”

You quickly changed into the new outfit and went back into the room. Standing expectantly, you waited for their approval.

“10 out 10. You look so cute!” Gahyeon commented, and your other friend agreed. “Maybe it will finally make Mingyu ask you out. God knows it has taken him long enough.”

You scoffed and shook your head. “Sure, he will.”

“Babe, have you not seen how he looks at you?” Gahyeon insisted.

“Oh yeah, he looks at her like a lovesick puppy. It’s disgusting but endearing,” Seungkwan agreed.

“Or he’s just trying to be nice.” You grabbed your phone and wallet and put them in your purse. “It doesn’t matter anyways. Can we please finish?”

“Okay, fine, whatever you say.” Gahyeon gave up trying to convince you. “Want me to do your makeup?”

You nodded and sat in front of the mirror. “Something light, though, It’s hot, and I’m going to get sweaty.”

“By the way, why is Jeonghan going with you to the party?” Seungkwan suddenly asked while he was looking through his phone.

“Mingyu said he could come too when telling me about the party.” You told him. “I begged him to say yes, and now I have to buy him coffee for two weeks.”

Seungkwan chuckled. “That sounds like Jeonghan.”

A knock on the door interrupted our conversation. From behind the door, Vernon’s head popped up, “Jeonghan is here.”

“Give me a minute; we’re almost done.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him.” He said and walked away again.

Gahyeon quickly finished the makeup and fixed your hair before sending you off. “Done, now go have fun!”

You grabbed your purse and quickly made your way outside of the room. “Got it. Bye, guys!”

Walking into the living room, you saw Jeonghan waiting with Vernon by the door.

“Hi, sunshine. Ready to go?” Your older friend asked.

“Yup. Bye, Vernon. If you guys order food, save some for me.” You reminded him. He rolled his eyes but nodded.

“Sure, have fun.”

You and Jeonghan walked out to his car and got in.

“Buckle up, kid,” Jeonghan said jokingly.

“Shut up, old man.”

When you finally arrived and the party you could hear the music from outside. A get-together, my ass.

“So, you ready?” Jeonghan asked for the last time. You sighed and gave him a thumbs up.

“Let’s go.”

You had mentally prepared for the next few hours. Loud music, sweaty bodies, lots of alcohol, and Kim Mingyu flirting with someone new.

Jeonghan walked in front of you when you went into the house. Looking around, you spotted a few familiar faces. Two of the most popular heartthrobs on campus, Jeong Jaehyun and Cha Eunwoo, were playing beer pong. By the bar, you saw Xu Minghao, who was in your art class. And tonight’s Dj, Johnny Suh, your lab partner in biology class last semester. Lee Seokmin, one of Mingyu’s closest friends, was the first to spot you. Smiling, he walked up to you.

“Y/N! You made it. Mingyu is around, but he’ll be glad to see you.” He greeted you over the loud music. “You’re Jeonghan, right? We had English class together last semester.”

“Yeah, I remember. You like pizza.” Jeonghan said, grinning.

Seokmin’s eyes widened a little in surprise and then started laughing.

“Yup, that’s me. So, you guys want a drink?” He asked, pointing to the bar.

“I’m good. I’m the designated driver.” Jeonghan passed up the offer looking at you.

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’m down for a drink.”

Seokmin clapped his hands excitedly and walked us to the bar. A girl was chatting with a few people around the bar while serving drinks. She quickly turned to you when she spotted Seokmin walking to the bar.

“Youngji, this Y/N and Jeonghan. Guys, this is Youngji. The unofficial bartender of the party.”

“It’s nice to finally meet Seungcheol’s sister. I’ve heard a lot from you!” She greeted you.

“My brother seems to talk a lot about me from what I’ve been told.” You said, chuckling a bit awkwardly. She and Seokmin both laughed a bit.

“Honestly, you have no idea.”

“So, drinks?” Youngji asked. You raised a hand. “What do you want?”

Honestly, you weren’t much of a drinker. It didn’t hurt once in a while, though.

“Something fruity?” You asked, unsure.

“Coming right up!” She announced as she started working on the drink.

You looked at Jeonghan, who you knew was judging you.

“What?” You asked innocently.

“I’m not dealing with puke, so if you get wasted, I’m leaving you in the street.”

You laughed a little and hit him in the arm playfully.

“Relax, I’m only going to have one drink.” You tried to reassure him, but he didn’t seem convinced.

“Here you go, one fruity drink for you,” Youngji said, giving you the drink. You took a sip and tasted orange juice with a bit of alcohol. Youngji was starting as if waiting for your approval, so you gave her a thumbs up. “Glad you like it, have fun, by the way. I’m going to dance for a bit; see you around!”

“Do you guys play pool?” Seokmin asked once Youngji was gone.

“I can play. Not sure if Y/N can,” Jeonghan answered.

You shook your head, smiling a bit embarrassed. The memory of Seungcheol trying to teach you how to play last summer popped up in your head. It was better if you stayed as a viewer.

“I’ll watch.”

“Great! Hey Minghao, want to play pool?” Seokmin called for his friend.

Minghao stopped doing whatever he was doing and agreed to his friend’s request.

“Sure, I’ll get Jun to play in pairs.”

“Cool. Come on! The pool table is in the other room,” Seokmin called us to follow him.

You weren’t sure of how you ended up back at the bar. Or when one drink turned into a third drink. One moment you were watching the guys play pool, and the next, Seokmin was dragging them somewhere to do God knows what.

“Hey! You’re Cheol’s sister!” Interrupting your thoughts, you hear someone say excitedly. Turning to look for the culprit, you find Vernon’s coworker, Hoshi.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, surprised.

He laughs a little and takes the empty spot beside you.

“One of my friends invited me,” he explained. “I wasn’t planning on coming, but I’m glad I did.”

You had to admit that he was hot but endearingly cute at the same time. Last time he was wearing the coffee shop’s uniform. But this time, he wore loose jeans, a tight black tank, and a gold chain around his neck. His piercings and dyed blonde hair gave him a cool, almost punk vibe. He caught you staring at him and gave you a charming smile. Flustered, you shifted your eyes to the drink in your hands.

“So, why are you on your own?”

“Uh, well, I came with a friend. Somewhere along the way, we separated, and now I’m here.”

“Ah, I see. Mind if I keep you company?”

You chuckled and looked at him. “Isn’t it a little late to ask? You’re already sitting next to me.”

“Okay, fair enough.” He agreed, laughing.

“So, do you go here?” you ask, trying to make small talk.

“Yup, I’m a dance major. Usually, I’m in the practice rooms.”

Ah, that explained why you hadn’t seen him before.

“You know, I’ve heard a lot about you. But, I mean, to be honest, who hasn’t?”

Thank you, big brother.

“I’m going to start taking a shot every time I hear that.”

He laughed again, and you noticed his eye smile. It was so cute that it made you smile too.

“Sorry, that’s all Cheol’s fault. He’s basically the campus celebrity, so word gets around quickly.” He explained. “You two are pretty close, huh?”

“Yeah, we’re close. Our Dad wanted us to have a strong relationship despite the age difference, so he always made us spend time together.” You said, remembering how it was growing up with Seungcheol. “Don’t get me wrong, we fight about ninety-nine percent of the time. But he’s always the first person to be there for me.”

“That’s cute. It’s like my older sister and me.” You noticed he brightened up when speaking about his sister. “We fight a lot, but she’s always caring for me.”

“That’s it!” You exclaimed, clapping excitedly. Hoshi seemed confused by your sudden outburst. “Sorry, I was trying to figure out your vibes. You definitely give off little brother energy. It totally makes sense you have an older sister.”

“Ouch, did you just brother-zoned me even before I made a move?” He whined, placing a hand on his chest as if he was hurt.

You looked at him surprised but tried to play it cool by clearing your throat.

“So, what does Hoshi mean? I haven’t heard it before.”

“Ah, I’m glad you asked. It means gaze of a tiger.” He explained excitedly. “Can you guess why that’s my nickname?”

You looked at him and took a guess. “Is it because you look like a tiger?”

“Yes! I do look like a tiger, right?” He exclaimed. “You know what you just earned?”

“What?” You asked skeptically.

Smiling, he raised his hand and did a claw. “Horanghae!”

You burst laughing, and he joins you, covering his face in embarrassment.

“You’re funny, you know that?”

“You’re cute, you know that?” He asked rhetorically. You huffed, rolling your eyes, but it only made him smile more. “Do you want to dance?”

You stared at him for a minute, weighing your options. He was cute and definitely fun to be around. Plus, it was a given that he was a good dancer. But you were completely aware that by now, you were tipsy. That didn’t matter, though, because Hoshi was probably drunker than you. Why not? Jeonghan was probably having fun with some girl, and so was your crush. Sitting here for the rest of the night was a waste.

“Lead the way, tiger.”

Hoshi was indeed a good dancer. You were in the middle of the dance floor swaying to the beat of the music. Your back was pressed against his chest, and his hands were around your waist. The room felt hot, but you weren’t sure if it was due to the crowd or Hoshi’s proximity.

“Should I be concerned for my well-being?” Hoshi whispered into your ear.

Frowning, confused, you look at him.

“What do you mean?”

“Kim Mingyu is staring at me like he wants to bury me.”

You follow Hoshi’s gaze. There, Mingyu stood away from the crowd with some girl. He didn’t seem interested in whatever she was saying; he was too busy staring at you and Hoshi. For a moment, your eyes crossed, but he quickly looked away. What the hell is wrong with him? Ignoring the awkward situation, you bring your attention back to Hoshi.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Right, he was clearly not planning my murder.” Hoshi scoffed. “So, you like him?”

“Hoshi,” You said, warning him about whatever he would say next. “Whatever you’re thinking, forget it.”

“I’m just asking. He didn’t seem happy to see us dancing the night away. And for a moment, you seemed almost hopeful when I said he was staring.”

You sighed, knowing he wouldn’t let it be.

“I have a crush on him, but he’s my brother’s friend. That’s it, end of the story.”

“I knew it!” Hoshi grinned. “I admit, though, I’m a bit disappointed that you like him. But now I’m curious.”

You looked at him skeptically. “What do you mean curious?” “Let’s try something.”

Hoshi’s lips were on yours before you could ask what he meant. You grabbed onto his shoulder to balance yourself. The kiss was sloppy—probably because of the alcohol—but surprisingly good. Instead of pushing him off, you decided to follow his lead. You had to admit Hoshi was a hell of a kisser. Sadly, the kiss was cut off by someone pulling you away.

“Time to go home.”

You looked up at Mingyu, surprised. Before you could say anything, the taller man dragged you away from the crowd. In the middle of the chaos, you could only catch a glimpse of Hoshi grinning and giving you a thumbs up.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You snapped at Mingyu. “I was dancing!”

He scoffed and kept walking ahead. “You seemed to be doing a lot more than dancing.”

“So what? It was just a kiss.”

He suddenly stopped and turned to look at you, annoyed. He was frowning so much you were sure he was about to pop a vain. Not that it was important. But why did he lowkey look hot when mad?

“Just a kiss? Please, you don’t just kiss people; Kwon Soonyoung doesn’t either.”

Oh, so that was his real name. Yeah, no. He looked more like a Hoshi.

“And what would you know about me kissing people?” you argued. “More than you think. Now get in. I’m taking you home.”

You were too caught up in the discussion. You hadn’t even realized you were in front of his car.

“I came with Jeonghan. I can’t leave just because you say so.”

“Jeonghan left with a girl earlier. He told me because his battery died, and he couldn’t find you.”

That little traitor. You were definitely going to kill him.

“I’ll walk, thanks.”

You held onto your purse stubbornly and started walking away.

“Y/N, get in the car,” he demanded.

“No, leave me alone!”

“Oh my God, why are you acting like a child?!”

“Because you’re treating me like one!”

You heard him take a deep breath, and for a moment, you felt guilty. But you remember he acted like an ass, and the guilt disappeared.

“Y/N, please get in the car. You’re drunk, and I want to make sure you get home safe,” he pleaded for the last time.

By the way his tone changed from agitated to concerned, you could tell he was tired of arguing.

"Fine," you murmured.

Begrudgingly, you went back to the car and got into the passenger seat without waiting for him. A few seconds later, he got in and started the car.

You both stayed quiet for a while until he broke the silence.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act like that earlier,” he apologized.

You played with your hand and nodded.

“I’m sorry too. I wasn’t thinking straight,” You apologize back. “I’m still mad at you, though. You didn’t have to do that.”

He looked at you briefly from the corner of his eyes and turned back to look at the road.

“I know. I just got worried, okay?” He clarified.

“You don’t have to worry about me. That’s not your job.” He scoffed unamused.

“It is, though, remember? Your brother was clear on the "take care of Y/N" talk.”

“Yeah, I know. But, still doesn’t mean you can tell me who to kiss or not.” You argued back.

“Look, I know that. But it's Kwon Soonyoung. His reputation precedes him.” You must have looked at him like he had grown a second head because he quickly clarified. “Mine does too, but that’s different. I’m not trying to get into your pants.”

Yeah, that’s the problem.

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt.” He insisted. “You deserve a nice guy. Not some douchebag that will break your heart.”

The car stopped at a red light, and he turned to look at you. You stared at him for a little too long. Awkwardly looking away, you hoped he didn’t notice. If only he knew you wished that your nice guy was him. For the rest of the ride, you decided the buildings outside were far more entertaining than him.

Despite sharing a class together, you hadn’t seen Mingyu after he dropped you at your place. In a way, you were glad you didn’t have to deal with the Soonyoung conversation. But at the same time, you felt down not seeing him around.

“Why are you sulking?”

Startled, you looked up from your food. Kwon Soonyoung is standing in front of you, looking at you quizzingly.

“When did you even get here?” you asked, confused. “And I’m not sulking.”

Soonyoung chuckled and took the empty spot in front of yours. He grabbed the open bag of chips and shamelessly started eating them.

“So, how did it go with Mingyu?”

“To sum it up, he basically told me to stay away from you,” you explained. “Apparently, you have a reputation.”

Soonyoung looked offended by your words.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” he complained. “I never lie about my intentions!”

“And what exactly are your intentions with me?”

“Originally, I was going to ask you out. Now, I’m invested in the Mingyu situation. Oh, look, Seungkwan!" He pointed at your other friend walking your way.

Seungkwan walked to your table and sat next to Soonyoung.

“What are you doing here?” Seungkwan questioned Hoshi.

“Me? I’m here for the chips.”

“I can see that,” Seungkwan mumbled. “So, Y/N, have you seen Mingyu yet?”

“No, and I’d like to keep it that way for a while.”

“Uh, that might be a problem then,” Hoshi noted.

“What? Why?” You asked.

“He’s walking this way.” Seungkwan announced.

Had there been more time, you would’ve made a run for it.

“Y/n, can I talk to you?”

You looked at Seungkwan, and Soonyoung, who were busy pretending they weren’t there.

“Mingyu, hi,” you greet him. “Um, you know Seungkwan, right? And Soonyoung?”

“Yeah, hi,” Mingyu greeted them quickly. “So, can we talk?”

Both of the boys greeted Mingyu and went back to pretending.

“What did you want to talk about?” You ask him.

“Um, here?” Mingyu asked, glancing at Seungkwan and Hoshi.

“Uh, yeah. Why not?”

“Okay, I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened. You know?”

“Oh, I know.” Hoshi chimed in. Mingyu rolled his eyes. Seungkwan quickly covered his mouth and smiled apologetically.

“Ignore him. Carry on.”

“Mingyu, don’t worry about it. You already apologized.” You reminded him.

“Yeah, I know. I still felt bad, though.” He insisted.

“It’s fine. Really.”

“Okay, then. That’s it. I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, see you around.” You waved goodbye as he started to walk away. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back in your direction. “Wait! Are you doing the class presentation alone?”

“Oh, I was going to ask Jeonghan.”

“Can’t. I already have a partner.”

You got startled by Jeonghan’s voice, who was standing right next to you. Apparently, today was the day for everyone to sneak up on you. You frowned, confused.

“Since when? We always partner up in class?”

Jeonghan shrugged his shoulders.

“Great! We can partner up.” Mingyu cheered. “I’ll text you later so we can meet. Bye!”

And just like that, he was gone again. Crossing your arms, you stare at Jeonghan.

“Who’s this partner of yours?”

Jeonghan smirks and sits next to you. “Just someone I know from the class.”

“I bet.” You scoff.

“Can we please talk about Mingyu asking Y/N out?” Seungkwan interrupted.

“Seungkwan, he asked me to work on the presentation. How is that a date?”

“Oh, Y/N. The presentation is just an excuse to hang out.” Soonyoung explained.

“No, it’s not,” you complained.

"It is," Seungkwan and Jeonghan agreed.

“Okay, whatever. I’ve got a class in five minutes. I’ll see you later.” You say, grabbing your bag and heading for your class.

#seventeen kpop #kim mingyu x reader #kim mingyu #seventeen fics #seventeen mingyu #svt fanfic #svt x reader #kim mingyu fic #svt scenarios #kpop #kpop fic #svt mingyu #kim mingyu x you

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shakirawastaken · 11 months

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dsmp if....it was taylor swift

i am the biggest swiftie dsmp blog here i am a swiftie i love taylor swift unless she sings new romantics at a show that im not at then i hate taylor swift

dream: paper rings by taylor swift (from Lover) - i have written a one shot to dream for stay stay stay like a year ago. please read that too amen - i feel like this song lowkey fits him so well??? just like lowkey - cause like man is rich as fuck hes like a CEO and stuff - BUT let me backtrack - you met him before he face revealed in the middle of the swamp in florida (orlando) - lets use my other post and say you met him in the grocery store SLAY - you “went home and tried to stalk him on the internet” - and obviously couldn’t find anything - but you reached out to him over text and he didnt answer you..bc he was like filming or smth and you were like bruh - but he eventually did answer you and you were like cool - you guys hung out ALOT - as friends - to the mall as friends, to the cafe as friends, to the movies as friends - you even met his friends...and then you figured out he was Dream - your relationship was like slaying at this point - you moved in with him! - and at this point now that you know Dream is Dream and is RICH - he showers you in gifts - expensive jewlery, trips to places, the mans love language is gift giving and he def has the $$$ to make that happen! - but one day he was like drunk or smth idk - and he was like “wanna get married?” - and you were like “LOL sure” - and he, in his lovesick era, talked about the ring he would buy you in great detail - you were flattered ofc and laughed along - the next morning he woke up from his drunk era and was like “did you really mean it” - and you were like “yes!! i like shiny things, but i’d marry you with paper rings whenever you want dream” - and he was like “bet” - and he made paper rings and you drove to the courthouse and GOT MARRIED STOP IT THAT IS ADORABLE AND YOU HAD AN ACTUAL CEREMONY LATER CUTHE MF CAMERAS THAT IS IT THIS IS IT - I WANT TO WRITE THIS INTO A ONESHOT COMMENT “ceo of minecraft” IF YOU WANT IT - runner up song for dream was wonderland btw

george: gorgeous by taylor swift (from reputation) - now LISTEN i was gonna do London Boy - but im saving that for another thing - GORGEOUS FITS and its not just cause george is actually very pretty - this takes place in LA, george is here and you work here - you also have a boyfriend - lets say you and some of your friends went out to a club one day - so did the dream team tm - and you just came from a stressful day at work so you did what anyone would do and you drank - enough to get you a bit tipsy - and somehow all the stars and planets and fates aligned and you bumped into mr notfound - and you were like “sorry!!” - and he was like “oh its alright” but he said it british - and you were like “HAHAHAH YOURE BRITISH” and you mocked the way he talked - you were tipsy alr - and he knows he should have been offended but he couldnt help but smile bc he thought u were cute - you two talk some more and you sober up through the conversation - its cliche but you forget everything else when u talked to him - including your very real boyfriend - and he shoots his shot “do you think i could have your number?” - your eyes shoot open wide and you just groan - “i got a boyfriend, he’s in the club and idk what he’s even doing.” and george is like “oh - but then you just keep going and youre like - “dude if you have a girlfriend im jealous of her” - and he laughed - “but if youre single thats honestly worse” - and he was like “how is that worse” - and you gathered all your confidence and was like “you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts” - and he smiled and said thank you - and you watched as his face moved to sadness - “i dont want to get in the way of your relationship, it was nice meeting you” he says as he walks away - DONT LET HIM WALK AWAY your mind yells at you - but you cant have him, bc youre taken - nothing you hate more than what you cant have - ding - why do all of these suck today guys im so sorry

OH SHIT I FORGOT I WAS GONNA DO STYLE WITH GEORGE UGHHH lmk if you want that

sapnap: you are in love by taylor swift (from 1989) - you both start as best friends in this scenario - like best friends since high school middle school school - you talked everyday , hung out everyday - it was natural that you would form a crush on the man - but then he moved to Florida - you totally understood why he did that - but the communication between the two of you died down - and so did your crush, it flickered out - but one day, he texted you - “hey! im coming back to texas for a couple weeks. are you down to hang out?” - and ofc you said yes - you two met up in a little diner, just to cach up - and it was like you two had never seperated - you were joking around and laughing just like the old times - eventually you two were ordering coffee at midnight as he told you get in the car - he said “i have a surprise for you” - who were you to deny him? - so you got in the car and he sped off to the old dirt road or something where you used to go in high school - shoulders brushing as you two sit in the trunk, he tells you to look up at all the stars - but you looked at him instead, and all your feelings came crashing over you - all you could hear and think about while he drove you home, while you slept was that - “you are in love, true love” - god this SOng THIS SCENARIO - the weekend before he moves back to florida - you had spent the night over, wearing his old shirt as a pajama - burnt toast because he dont know how to work the toaster - you decide to make a move, to let go of your fears on how he’s gonna react - and you kiss him on the cheek - you two spend the whole day being a little more romantic than usual - holding hands, kisses on cheeks, etc - you spend the night over at his house again - then he wakes up in the middle of the night with this look of ?? on his face - you turn to look at him, staring him dead in the eyes - and he stares back, the moon reflecting onto his face - “you’re my bestfriend” he silently whispers, scanning your face for ANY reaction from you - and your heart starts rushing and your head starts beating and all you know is that he is in love with you. and you are in love with him. - the night continues in a rush of kisses and rushed feelings - he of course had to go back to florida - but now he keeps a picture of the two of you in his wallet - and you see him in everything around you - you two facetime everynight and talk about everything with each other - because you are in love, true love - bonus: when sapnap gets home dream’s like “whats up with you” - and sapnap just shrugs and grins - “spent some time w my best friend” - “IM NOT YOUR BEST FRIEND?” - dream LMFAOO - can you tell im in love with this SONG quackity (hits different from midnights (the till dawn edition)): - I KNOW THIS SONG HAS A LOT OF DIFFERENT INTERPRETATIONS OKAY - im very aware of that its all i speculate and talk about - its like that one meme with the guy and the bulletin board and hes like “DO YOU SEE THIS” - but i interpret this song as someone singing to a person (bonus points if theyre a friend) they have a major crush on!!! except their crush is dating someone - and you can tell that the person they are dating aint it for them - its giving you belong with me - in this, you’re quackity’s neighbor - and you two have lived next to each other for a while - to the point where you two have become kinda good friends! youd eat dinner together, have some movie nights, etc - you could say you know him pretty well - well ig you didnt know him as well as you think - one night you knock on his apartment door, looking for someone to hang out with whatever - ignore that you had a crush on him that you were actively suppressing - and his girlfriend answers the door all nice like “hi! how are you!” - and youre like “im good, are you?? who are you?” - and quack pulls up behind her and is like “OH meet my girlfriend!” - and youre like “oh! nice to meet you!” - then you shuffle back to apartment ASAP - suddenly it hit you that the person you had a crush on was unavaliable - and suddenly you felt the anguish that comes from him being in love with someone else - it made you wanna throw up - you call another friend up and meet up at a bar, ready to drink your sorrows away - and the bar you go to is playing the song you and quackity listened to everytime together - you groan and explain everything to your friend who’s just like “oh my! love is a lie, don’t worry - it happens to everyone” just to get you by - but you knew this wasn’t like any other time - youve been so willing to move on in the past - it hit different this time because it was him - you drink so much you start slurring his name and your thoughts are plagued by him - someone puts you into a car and sends you off to your apartment - you slump onto your bed, and fall into a restless fit - dreams of his hair, and his stare, and his sense of belief. of times you once believed he could love you. - you dreamed of you melting his world like an argumentative, antithetical dream girl - the next morning, you hear a key turning in his door - and you cant help hope but hes coming in to check on you - so you rush to open the door - he jumps and looks at you startled - “hey! my girlfriend and i heard you come in from the bar last night! must have been a wild night!” he chuckled, wishing you the best of health as he retreated into his apartment - you stare at the spot he was just standing out, letting out a big sigh as you groan, your hangover catching up with you - “catastrophic blues, moving on was easy for me to do. it hits different, it hits different cause its you” - be glad i didnt pick “youre losing me” for this cause damn

karl (invisible string from folklore): - okay. i have already written a karl one shot. to holy ground by taylor swift. from red (taylors version) please go read after this. amen - okay - THIS OSNG THIS GOSNGS ITHSIGHSDJKFG - i cant get over the childhood best friends to lovers shit - but i dont think youre childhood besties - you just met when you were younger - its giving karl lives in a place where your family used to take you on vacation every summer - like to ur grandparents place or some white shit like that - every summer, you would go to the park, read and then go get fro yo at the shop near by - every year growing up, youd read stories of epic romances - and you couldnt help youd meet somebody there, sitting in that park - then, they year you were 16. you went into the fro yo shop. same as always - and there stood a 16 year old karl, in a teal shirt, asking you what you wanted to eat - there wasn’t anyone else in the store, so you two talked. and you two clicked instantly. - you went back everyday for that year - and did the same every summer after that - until one summer, you told him that you were moving to LA. to pursue your career - and he finally gave you his number - when he finally got around to going to LA he called you up - and you two reconnected, just like the old times. ate at your favorite dinner spot and everything. you decide to try something more - so you date long distance - three years later, you two meet up at the old yogurt shop. and then got lunch down by the lakes - now, years later you two live together. in the same small town you vactioned in every year - you two walk the park you read at every day - karl owns the yogurt shop you two met at - and you cant help but think that even through all the bad things that you had in your life - the only good thing that was stringing along for most of your life was karl - karl made you less vengeful of the boys youve loved before - karl made you better. and you made him better - the both of you cant help thinking about the wonderous time, and how pretty it is to think about how “all along there was some invisible string” tying the two of you together - i feel like i coulda expanded here but i think its cute idk sorry guys

wilbur (begin again from red (taylor’s version)): - i think i got a different era for each person SCORE! - wilbur is sOOOO evermore and red coded - but not 22 or ikywt coded but all too well and the lucky one coded - you had recently gotten over a breakup and were ready to start dating again - and a friend of yours hooked you up with this guy from her office - who she said “does not do typical officer work” - you ready for anything, so you thanked her and took her offer - and now the date of your date is here, and you couldn’t help but be nervous - you critiqued and critized every small bit of you, just like your ex did - but now youve grown to love what you wear and what you look like - you blasted your favorite song that he seemed to hate as you walked out the door, as ready for this date as you could ever be - you walked to the cafe that you decided to meet up at, expecting wilbur to be late - imagine the soft surprise that took over you when he stood when he saw you, waving to you as he strode over to meet you halfway - “hi” you said breathlessly, surprised at the common decency he showed you - “hey” he said slyly, making small talk with you as he ushered you over to the table he saved - he pulled your seat out and everything, helping you take your coat off. he doesn’t know how nice that is - while you’re talking you tell some stupid joke, trying to ease your nerves - and when he throws his head back laughing like a little kid? youre done for. - for the past 8 months you could only think about how love breaks and burns and ends - but on a wednesday, in a cafe. you watched it begin again - you cant help but smile back, agreeing to a second date - you meet up for a second date, this time in a record shop. - you two talk about your shared love for music - and he’s like “ive never met anyone who as many los camp! records as i do” - and you were like “bet!” - turns out, you two have the same amount - you two walk around the city, exchanging stories about your lives when he suddenly teases you for being shyer than on your first date - you jsut blush and nudge him teasingly while rolling your eyes. and he laughs again. - your ex never did that. he was never carefree, kind, and careless around you - but wilbur was. and your idea of love just grew and grew and grew - he walks you to his car, and the words about your ex are on the tip of your tongue. youre about to tell him about how different he is than your ex and how grateful you are for him - but then he cuts your thoughts off, launching into a story about him and tommy - and you find yourself wanting to talk about that instead - you can finally say what’s past is in the past - because on a wednesday, in a cafe, you watched it begin again. i love taylor swift. i could do so many more of these. please tell me if you want

#dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #sapnap x reader #georgenotfound x reader #karl jacobs x reader #karl x reader #quackity x reader #wilbur soot x reader #wilbur x reader #dream smp x reader #mcyt x reader #taylor swift imagines #shakira shakira writes #dsmp if... series

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dr3amofagame · 3 months

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i hate the fandoms interpretation of c!eret. and especially the fandoms interpretation of c!erets relationship with foolish. this idea that they're forbidden lovers and eret is a perfect moral person drives me up a fucking wall. foolish died for her and then she literally never goes to see him, genuinely her character was more interesting when she was willingly to play the villain. now it's just this kinda boring person who did one bad thing and refused to own it, instead shoving it onto dream. i like her being kind of awful, it's more fun that way

c!eret's "one bad thing" was never even portrayed at the time as being something they did for bad reasons either it's kind of breathtaking to me. like c!eret literally makes a decision to turn to the other side of a WAR because they thought it was the best bet for peace and that lmanburg was a lost cause bc they were the single person preparing for the battle and c!wilbur was nowhere in sight. which? like? fair fucking enough? it's a war? idk people expect the war to involve people "playing fair" in ways that are really hard for me to conceptualize like "they killed people!" well yeah no shit it was a WAR

like, id say c!eret's behavior after the independence war was kinda worse than the actual final control room in terms of like, actually just being a dick instead of making a hard decision for reasonable reasons when a war was on the horizon and they had to pick a side yaknow. and even then, c!eret is soundly a victim of the lmanburg post-revolution narrative, holy shit? c!wilbur had it OUT for her man. like honestly save c!eret they got so brainwashed by the narrative created to demonize them and scapegoat them that they ended up convinced that they had to flay themselves alive to repent for it and it was like LITERALLY THE MOST REASONABLE DECISION THEY COULDVE MADE AT THAT TIMEEEE like sure it was kinda selfish but what part of lmanburg wasnt fuck my life

like c!eret's "wrongs" that theyre killing themselves the whole time trying to be forgiven for arent even really wrongs it was a WAR . and meanwhile theyre also doing shit like TAKING PEOPLE ON TOURS TO LOGSTEDSHIRE TO TELL THEM ABOUT HOW A TEENAGER ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF ??? AND THIS WAS THEIR GOOD GUY ERA ????? absolutely insane to me.

#like knights of hope was genuinely where i wanted selfish manipulative asshole c!eret so fucking bad rah #like c!eret is hardly a saint early on in the server but they werent doing the final control room for mwahahaha evil reasons #the lmanburg narrative just brainwashed everyone i stg #my asks !!#dsmp hot takes #c!eret critical

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gracie7209 · 10 months

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Amaryllis Chapter 8: The Call

Pairing: Frankie x f!Reader

Word Count: 4.6k

Warnings: Language, lots of angst, but there’s hopeful bits too, sad Santi, sad Reader, talk of childbirth (not in detail whatsoever), lots of inner thoughts… I’m sorry if I left out anything!

A/N: Trying something a little different this time by essentially adding in a chapter prologue… I’m nervous about the whole thing honestly. Did a few random things that idk how they’ll be received but at this point oh well 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m having a hard time getting out of my head on this one, so I’m just going to let it go and see what happens. Any mistakes are also mine!

As always I appreciate any and all feedback, just please be kind ❤️ (Or send me a dm if something is glaringly awful.)

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

—

**Frankie was found by a group of villagers who took him in to assess his injuries. The guys had already left Colombia, leaving Frankie to make his way on his own.

He sleeps it off for a few days, and when he wakes up he’s angry. Tom knowingly did this. He knew the guys were able to see what was happening, so he made it look like an accident. Reaching out and screaming his name as he tumbled down. Tom was very good at manipulation, and for the longest time, especially in the service, he had Frankie completely under his spell. So while the guys saw them fighting, Tom swore the end result wasn’t intended to kill him… He was angry, but would never try to kill one of his own. Frankie just slipped…. He fell and there was nothing anyone could’ve done to stop it. The guys bought it. Frankie couldn’t blame them. The entire situation was fucked and up until that moment, Frankie never would’ve imagined that Tom would actually try to kill him.

Fortunately for Frankie though, he walked away due to his fall being partially broken by a dense brush that saved his life. Had he been just a few feet away in either direction, he might not have been so lucky**

—

When he wakes up, Frankie’s extremely disoriented. He can tell he’s been out for awhile, so when he asks what day it is, he’s not surprised to find out it’s been four days since Tom pushed him down the mountainside.. Before attempting to move, he takes stock of his injuries. He feels like death, but he’s definitely had worse. Looking down at his left hand, he sees a makeshift splint keeping his wrist immobile and some of his fingers are taped together… Moving further down, his right leg is propped up and seems to be wrapped in a simple type ace bandage, but he can see how swollen it looks even under the wrapping. Taking his right hand he slowly moves it over his torso, where he’s felt a lot of pressure and finds more wrapping around his midsection— broken ribs then.

He needed to get to a phone. But he also thinks about his situation. Right now, with a few broken ribs and at best a badly sprained ankle, he’s going to be down for a little while. The fact that he’s here and not with the guys means that they believe he didn’t survive the fall. Frankie knows that Tom’s actions have crossed a line that can’t be undone this time. This could work to his advantage though, if he plays it right.

He needed to come up with a plan, while allowing himself to heal. He would talk to Santi first, but he needed to give himself and the guys time to let this all sink in.

When he asks how to get to somewhere with a phone, he’s directed to a nearby village, which is also seemingly lacking in technology. This back and forth goes on for a few weeks before he finally, finally finds something from the 20th century and he’s able to use an actual phone.

Frankie reaches out to Santi because while he was the most familiar with the area, he was also his closest friend and he was just as fed up with Tom’s bullshit as Frankie.

“Hello?”

“Pope? Pope it’s me, It’s Cat…..” Frankie’s voice is scratchy and raw from lack of use…

“Is this a fucking joke? Who the hell is this!?”

“It’s ME you dumb shit.”

“Fish? How……????”

Santi is quiet on his end. Frankie is praying the line didn’t disconnect.. “Pope? Shit…. You still there man?”

“Yeah… I’m, I’m here.. I just. I need a minute…..” comes Santi’s garbled reply. He’s practically choking on his words.

Santi and Frankie had been friends for a very long time. They met in high school long before they even considered joining the military. They had practically been joined at the hip, so when it came up, there was no question that they would join together.

“Holy shit… ok, Fish… Fish! What the fuck happened? I can’t believe this..” Frankie breaks down once Santi realizes it’s actually him. Just so happy to hear someone familiar. He tells Santi about the state he was in when he woke up, and about how he thinks he was able to survive the fall.

He takes a moment before asking Santi what happened when they decided to leave. He knows that they wouldn’t have left if they thought there was a chance he was alive. Even so, he doesn’t mean to sound accusatory when he asks “Why did you leave?”

“He started yelling for you. Tom was on the edge looking down, hand outstretched and everything. We all ran over, but you were gone. Tom said you guys were arguing and that things got physical, but didn’t realize how close you both were to the edge. Said your foot slipped and he tried reaching for you, but didn’t get there in time. He said he was angry with you, but he would never try to kill one of his best friends. We didn’t have the time to argue. We tried getting to you… we did! Benny refused to leave without you. He even had us make a line and drop him down, but the brush in the middle was so thick we were never able to see you. When we couldn’t find you, we thought the worst. And with everything else, the chopper, Lorea’s men? We didn’t…. Fuck! I’m…...”

The shame in his voice makes Frankie’s heart twist. “We could’ve found you…. I’m sorry Fish, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this….”

“It was Tom,” Frankie says under his breath.

“What?”

“It was Tom. He…. He looked me dead in the eyes before shoving me backwards.”

Neither of them say a word for a few minutes. Both digesting the information they’d just heard. He knows they don’t have a ton of time so Frankie tells Santi that he just needs to get home. But Tom can have no knowledge that he’s alive. None. He has to come up with a plan, but what can honestly be done? Initially, he wanted nothing more than to return the favor. He had plenty of time to think of every way he’d go about it if he had the chance. But, being here this long, the anger has all but dissipated.

Frankie’s thoughts circle back to you. Just needing to know if you’re ok.

“Santi?”

“Yeah?”

“How is she?” He knows that his first priority should be about getting himself home, but he just can’t help it. Santi doesn’t ask who you’re referring to.

“She’s due anytime now. Tom has kept her under lock and key, but I asked and he told me she’s ok…. Hasn’t let anyone see her, but if we’re being honest, we’ve all kind of been in our own heads since that day. We thought you were gone and it’s been hard. Benny and Will went home to see their family. And I, uh, well, you know Cat….”

Frankie knew how Pope handled these types of things and it wasn’t usually by legal means. He couldn’t fault him for how he chose to deal. They’d all done things they weren’t proud of and he understood.

“I still can’t believe I’m talking to you. I thought I lost you man….” The last word gets caught in Santi’s throat. “This is insane.”

“I know… I know..” Frankie doesn’t know if he’s ever heard Pope this caught off guard. He’s always, always been on point. Nothing gets to him. Nothing shocks him. But it seems that Frankie calling him today has upended his whole life and Frankie guesses he has. It’s not every day your best friend comes back from the dead.

“The guys are going to fucking lose it!! Benny has been a complete wreck so Will took him home to try to help. Will’s been quiet, but you know how he is. He processes things differently. Are you going to call them, or do you want me to call them? They should be back next week.”

“No, no stop. Santi, wait. They can’t know.”

“What? why? They think you’re fucking dead Fish!

“I Know!! Listen to me, I know.. But I need your help. Tom can’t know I’m alive. Not yet. I think I have a plan, but I need you to trust me. Please.”

Frankie won’t say anything else unless it’s in person. Tom is not only a fucking lunatic, but he’s smart. And paranoid. He wouldn’t doubt it, if Tom had been wondering if he was truly dead or not. No body, no murder, no body, no proof someone’s dead.

“Never count your money before it’s in your pocket, Benjamin,” he recalls his words of advice to Benny back in the shipping container before the recce with a sigh.

Basically, Tom was never one to assume anything without proof.

“Ok ok… Well, what do you need me to do?”

“I just need you to get me home. The guys can’t know. Benny wouldn’t be able to keep that a secret and Will doesn’t need the extra baggage of keeping anything from his brother, so we’ll just leave them both out of it for now.”

“Alright, alright…. What’s the plan?”

“Just get me home. We’ll talk then. Can you track this location?”

“Yeah, yeah…. You gonna be ok?”

“I’ll manage. Call this number. Ask for Javier.”

“Javier?? Who the hell is Javier?”

“It’s me….”

“Ohhhh, gotcha. Sorry—” Santi takes a breath and continues,

“—Look, I was actually set to head back down there in a few weeks. I wanted to get back into it, try to focus on something else for awhile and especially when we left Lorea’s…. We never finished that job…”

“Whatever you gotta do is fine. I just need to get home.”

“I’ll get you home man…. It’s just going to take a little bit longer. I can push it up by maybe a week, but anything more than that and they’ll start questioning why I’m leaving so soon. Can you make it that long?”

Frankie realizes he’s been out here for about a month now… What’s two more weeks?

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to. It’ll give me time to sort some more things out.”

Frankie sighs… “Hey Santi?” He hates to put any more stress on him, but he has to ask….

“Could you uh, do me one more favor?”

“Course, man.”

“Can you please check in on her? I just need to know she’s ok.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but Fish, it’s gotten bad…. Tom won’t say much, but it’s hard to pretend your very pregnant wife doesn’t exist. He never lets her leave. Won’t let anyone in either. I saw her through the window last week and she looked ok, but like she was somewhere else. When I asked Tom he just brushed it off as pregnancy stuff. Said that she’s getting close to the end and left it at that.”

“Alright, I get it.” Frankie is leaning on the wall with his head on his forearm, his eyes shut tightly. He can’t hear much more.

“Just - if you’re able to, please let her know everything is going to be ok. She… She doesn’t deserve this shit...”

Fuck.

He’s letting it get to him, but he knows there’s nothing he can do right now. He breathes in and out slowly….. He just needs to get home. Then, he can start making things happen.

“Sorry Pope… Sorry.”

“It’s ok man. I understand. I know… well I’ve known for a while now. How you feel about her? It’ll be ok. I’ll check in and I’ll keep you updated. Give me two weeks and I’ll get you home.”

“Thanks man. Just call me. I’ll be close by.”

“You got it Fish.. Be safe. I’ll see you soon.” And with that, Santi hangs up the line. Frankie hangs up the corded phone, putting it back into the receiver attached to the wall.. His head is still against his forearm, eyes closed. He absentmindedly wipes away the stray tear running down his face, breathing in and out slowly just trying to keep it together.

Only two weeks. Basically, no time at all.

—

Two weeks.

Two full weeks — 14 days.

Frankie was counting down the hours, the minutes, until he could go home. Every day was torture. Finally after so long on his own he had gotten through to someone — finally heard a familiar voice and the happiness he felt was ripped away as soon as the line cut.

He was still healing from his injuries. His hand still bandaged and his ribs made it hard to breathe if he was moving around too much. But he couldn’t stand to sit still. It made his mind race when he couldn’t keep his hands busy with something else and the last place he wanted to be was stuck in his own head.

Frankie knew he needed to stay put. But it was killing him to just sit and wait. He was grateful that it was his left hand that took the most damage so when he could, he would write. It was the only thing he could do that allowed his mind to stay focused, without the physicality he was so used to. He would write down everything. Every thought, idea, plan, hope — anything and everything because he not only wanted to document his time here but also put words to the plan that had been forming in his head of how to get you out of Tom’s grasp and allow you to have a life of your choosing.

Frankie thought about you more than he thought was necessary. He was always thinking about you if he was being honest with himself. After your night together, he couldn’t stop thinking about you.

He loved you. He knew it beforehand and after, but as soon as the guys left for Colombia, Frankie had no doubts about his feelings for you. He knew he would do whatever it took to make sure you got the life you wanted for yourself. Even if that didn’t necessarily include him, it would be your choice to live whatever way you saw fit.

Somehow every time Frankie would put pen to paper, no matter where he started, it would always come back to something about you. Sometimes his inner monologue would find its way out and he would converse with himself like he was talking to a close friend. Most of the time though, he would talk to you…

—

— Querida I miss you… I have literally been counting the damn days til I can see you again. Fucking lame I know. I would ask how you’re doing, but Pope has filled me in a little. He says the baby is due anytime now. I just want you to know that I have thought about you, both of you, almost nonstop since the minute I left. I never should’ve left. So goddamn stupid… Right now, you have no idea that I’m even here. No idea that I’m writing to you and doing everything I can to get home. But you will. You can’t know until I take care of things though. I want to hear your voice. I miss our little talks at the diner. It was just easy with you. We’d talk about pretty much anything…. the damn weather, the buildings in the city. How you missed home sometimes. How scared you are to become a mother…… you’re going to be an amazing mother.

I’m not great at this, but there are so many things I want to tell you. I meant it when I said I would get you out of this situation and I will. Nothing can stop me at this point. Not even death apparently… I’m really fucking glad you won’t be reading this because wow… I would “lol”, but I’m literally handwriting this……….

Anyway, as if you could hear me. Aaaaahhhhh!!!!

Ok better. God get a grip dude…

I want to see you, to touch you, to hear your voice because I’m pretty sure I’m going insane. Pope knows and he’s going to bring me back.

I realize that I don’t even know if you’re interested in having any kind of relationship at all, let alone with me. I hope you do. I never really thought I would ever want something as much as I want to be with you. Huh.. I don’t think I’ve actually voiced that thought even to myself until now. Interesting.

Since that night though, that fucking night that haunts my dreams, all I can think about is YOU. That one taste was more than enough to have me addicted and I’ve fucked my hand more times than I will ever admit out loud at the thought. I can taste you on my tongue still. Can still feel you around me and I fucking lose it. Fuck I need to quit otherwise I’ll be back at it.

Hell, it’s lonely here. Soon though, I’ll be back in the States and can finish this. God I miss you. I’ll be there soon. —

—

Santi called about ten days after he and Frankie first spoke; this time it was about you.

Frankie had talked to him a handful of times in between, just going over vague plans, times and places etc for when he returned to Colombia.

He would ask Frankie or “Javier” how he was getting along, how his injuries were healing etc. This was different though.

—“Fish?” He seemed out of breath… and the words were pouring out of his mouth…

“Um I don’t even know where to start. I’ll be there in four days, but man you have to know something…”

“Hey, hey, slow down, just breathe.”

“Ok, shit. She, uh fuck. Ok…. Look,”

“Come on Pope, spit it out! Is everything ok?” Frankie’s heart was in his throat.

“It, um, well it happened. I guess they got into a fight and it uh, jump started the whole process… She punched the shit out of him though.”

“Slow down, so she had the baby??”

“Yes”

“Is she, are they ok??”

“I think so. She fucked up his nose though and I guess the force, or the stress or whatever put things in motion. I just left the hospital.”

“Why would she do that? She knows what he’s capable of. Why would she put herself at risk like that?”

“She’s a spitfire, I’ll give her that. She did a number on his face. Left him with two black eyes. I would’ve given her a hug if she wasn’t uh, busy with other things.”

“Fuck….” Frankie is squeezing the pressure point between his eyes. He’s not sure why, but he just assumed that he’d be back before the baby was born.

Santi can’t help himself but ask the question, “Did you two ever, um, you know. Did you—?” But Frankie interjects.

“Did we fuck? Is that what you’re asking?” He didn’t mean to come off so harsh, but he was having a hard time keeping it together.

“Whooaaaaa, calm down pendejo…. But yeah. Did you? Actually??? I mean shit, I knew you had feelings for each other, but,”

“Yeah… We did.” —He says it, not with pride, but simply put. “About two weeks before we left out.”

“Shiiiiiittt…….”

He doesn’t want to focus on that aspect, so Frankie tries getting back to the ‘you hitting Tom in the face,’ part.

“Was it just her who did a number on him or? Did he hurt her?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. She’s refused to let him into the room and has had security keep him out.”

“Shit, ok….. Get me home. Please. I’ll be ready. Let me know if anything changes, but I need to go. I can’t deal with this right now being this far away. I need to keep my head on straight if I’m going to get her out of this.”

“I’ll be there soon buddy. It won’t be long now.”

—

Frankie was ready four days ago, but it was finally time.

He and Santi went over coordinates, pickup and flight times and what to expect when they got back to the States..

How does one just come back from the dead?

Luckily, Santi was a greedy shit and after Frankie fell, he took all of Frankie’s things that weren’t on his person and kept them at his house. To the outside world, Frankie was currently just a missing person. There was no way they could come forward with what they “knew” or thought actually happened. No one outside of the five of them even knew about their “mission” as it was relayed only to certain people as just a Guy’s Trip. So it wasn’t noticed when they came back to the States’ a man short. Frankie’s family lived in Texas. His Mom and Step-dad along with his older sister. After they got back, Santi knew he had to at least tell them that Frankie was missing. They of course filed a missing persons report, which Santi expected. But he couldn’t go through with trying to help plan a funeral… Not yet. He knew he could only push it off for so long, but they had to come up with a cover story to explain and no one was in a state of mind to even think about that at the time.

Thankfully, it no longer mattered and instead Frankie was about to come barreling back into everyone’s lives. But not until Tom was dealt with.

Frankie was adamant that no one could know anything…. There could be no inkling that he was alive. Santi just had to trust that Frankie knew what he was doing.

—

After the longest four days of his life and an even longer month, Frankie was going home. Santi showed up right on time like they planned. It was just after dawn and Frankie hadn’t slept a bit the night before.

He was ready and anxious and there were so many thoughts running through his mind, that he wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll that seeing a familiar face would put on him.

His ribs were still healing, but he could care less that he couldn’t breathe when Santi hugged him without a word. It wasn’t necessary to speak and Frankie wouldn’t have been able to if he tried. He was crying; so overwhelmed with every emotion that he couldn’t form a single syllable, just a yelp at the initial impact of Santi’s iron grip and Frankie’s own hushed cries as the weight of the last month and a half came full circle.

Frankie cried and Santi just held him through it. Hell, he would never admit it but Santi was crying himself.

Frankie’s entire body was trembling. Everything he’d gone through, he had been alone.

“Hey, hey…. It’s alright man, I’ve got you. I’ve got you….” Santi whispers to Frankie, just letting him know that he’s there. He couldn’t imagine what kind of hell this last month had been for him. He looks ok? Santi thinks to himself. His hand is bandaged up and he was limping toward the main area when Santi first pulled up… he’s got some scarring on his face and could definitely benefit from some real food, but overall, it’s still Frankie. Someone Santi thought he’d lost and would never see again. That realization washes over him and he shudders at the thought.

Frankie is here, he’s alive and he’s coming home.

Santi clears his throat..

“So, uh, Javier?” Frankie snorts at the name….

“Where’d that come from?” Santi says with a note of curiosity… he’s trying to cut through the thick air that’s surrounding them currently. There will be more time for that when everything else is said and done.

“I didn’t want to give my real name in case Tom decided to backtrack and go asking around. It’s stupid honestly, but Tom’s a paranoid bastard so I wanted to cover my ass—

—Plus, she uh, that was a little inside joke we had. She said that when she first met me that I looked like this guy from a TV show. She never really watched it, but I guess Tom had sometimes. It was set in Colombia and the fucking irony of that? I’m in fucking Colombia, so I thought it’d be funny.” He chuckles lightly to himself, thoughts taking him somewhere else entirely and Santi groans…

“Jesus dude, you got it bad…. “

Yeah I do.. Frankie thinks to himself. He just gives a small smile and shakes his head..

“Well, here. I brought you something.”

Santi reaches for his phone, scrolling through until he turns the screen to Frankie.

“I convinced her to let me in while Tom was gone. Now don’t kill me but I wanted to see how she felt about you….”

“You did what??”

“I didn’t tell her anything… Well, I told her I was making a memorial video for you to give to your Mom. I assured her that Tom wouldn’t see it, but I asked her to tell me what she would say to you if she had the chance. This is what she said…”

“Why would you do that to her? She just had a fucking baby. You can’t just…” but, Santi cuts him off.

“Just watch it.”

Frankie swallows and takes a breath before looking back down at the phone and hitting play—

He sucks in a breath at seeing your face. God, you were beautiful. You had obviously taken the phone from Santi to record yourself in private. It looks like you’re laying in a hospital bed, the lights are turned down and you are holding a little bundle in the crook of your free arm.

—

“Frankie, I still don’t believe that any of this is real. I miss you…

The baby is finally here.. he decided to make his entrance very memorable…”

Frankie smiles, he remembers what Santi told him had jump started your labor and he couldn’t be more proud of you….

“I’m so sorry Frankie. I know why you did what you did, but I wish more than anything that things could’ve been different.

I talk to you every night.. I hope that you hear me. I can’t say it out loud, but I hope you’re able to feel my heart from wherever you are. It’s been yours for a long time.”

You wait a moment before looking down at the bundle in your arms..

“I’d like you to meet someone.”

The phone pans down to a little wrinkled and pink face, with dark brown hair. Eyes closed and napping peacefully. He looks like you.

“He will be treasured, and is already so loved by everyone who’s met him. You would love him, Frankie. And I will make sure he knows you and loves you just as I do.

You gave me so much in the short time we had. You showed me what it meant to be cared for and for that I will always be grateful.

I will talk to you always, every day, until we meet again.

I love you Frankie. I wish I had been able to tell you sooner.”

Frankie doesn’t miss the tears filling your eyes, even when you give the camera a smile, he sees your pain and he wants nothing more than to take it away.

—

“She got pretty emotional after she gave me the phone back, and I told her that you could hear her. I just left out the part where you would actually get to hear it.”

He is doing everything he can to keep it together… he doesn’t want to waste any more time crying like a fool when he could be making his way back home.

Santi claps a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“You ready?”

Taking a deep breath, he stands up straight and gives Santi a firm nod.

Frankie is finally going home.

—

Taglist: @boliv-jenta @just-here-for-the-moment @hnt-escape @bitchwitch1981 @tanzthompson @readingiskeepingmegoing @imaswellkid @queridopascal-main @something-tofightfor @jb2856 @pastelnap @littlemisspascal @quica-quica-quica @sunnysidekit @harriedandharassed @autumnleaves1991-blog @mymo-n @wildemaven @rhoorl @pimosworld @dashavau

A/N: For Frankie’s note to himself, essentially he’s just writing everything that comes into his head verbatim. For us reading it back, it looks weird, but it’s honestly something I do IRL all the time… No one is supposed to see it lol so it’s definitely cringey 😂

#frankie x female reader #frankie morales fanfiction #frankie x you #frankie x reader #frankie x f!reader #frankie morales imagine #frankie catfish morales #frankie catfish morales x reader #frankie 'catfish' morales #frankie triple frontier #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic #triple frontier au #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #pedro pascal characters #amaryllis #amaryllis chapter 8

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