Calling Backup

Choi San x (F)Reader

Genre: slight angst+fluff

Picture Credits- to rightful pic owner

A/N: currently in my Ateez delulu phase...only thing helping me cope with the stress of exams. Not like I have a list of requests to complete either🥸🤡 (not proof read)

Please enjoy

San had never been so confused before, at least not to this intensity, before him stood a sobbing Mingi and his very own girlfriend, clutching onto what looked like Mingi's phone. Now, during morning hours, or during their time at the company, especially in the practice room, between these mirror-cladded walls, she was their assistant media manager, not his girlfriend.

✨✨✨

The first time they were introduced to her had left him speechless. Never in a million years had he thought he would have seen her again, the same person he went to school with, the same person he went to class with and the very same person who he had tried to call by calling 119. Yes, that very person stood before them, coyly smiling at them and giving a slight bow after her introduction. It was clear as crystal to two people about the effect she had on him, although she seemed oblivious to it, Wooyoung (naturally), and Seonghwa. The latter male gave no reaction when their giant little boy almost choked on air when their eyes met, though Wooyoung had realised that he had hit the jackpot of 'messing with San'. From asking Y/N personal questions about her life to her casual likes and dislikes, only to get a reaction out of San. On a particular evening, after a concert had gone great, the team had decided to settle in their rented hut's living room, all gathered around the coffee table with an empty bottle of soju- symbolising their tipsy state.

San had decided to sit in between Wooyoung Mingi, for across him, he could get a clear view of the person he has been most afraid to talk to for the past four months.

Sure, she had realised this was the same Choi San she had been classmates with, but his shy behaviour and lack of conversation made her think that he probably wanted to keep a safe distance, for its not like the two had kept in contact after school, that and he had never really talked to her in class back then too. So to ensure he was perfectly comfortable around her, she'd usually ask general light-hearted questions (if needed) and stuff about work. So during their little game of torture, he could see how she sat across him on the couch, squinting at her laptop, did he mention she was a university student as well and how oh so much that made him fall harder for her? Ever since his teens she had never once ceased to amaze him, from the way she would be so attentive in class to her grades, to her unphased persona, especially when she'd hear gossip about her or anyone else. He truly appreciated how she chose to talk to people, rather than believing what she heard. So, why was he staring at her and not talking to her? Simple. Even though he looks like a total hottie now, San is very much sure he is nothing more than the little nerd he was back then, deep down inside, hence, not talking to her meant he'd look cool and mysterious-

"Sannie!" He yelped at the sharp pain of Wooyong smacking his back, "Truth or dare?" He frowned at his best friend and then at the bottle that was aimed at him, when had they begun playing? Little did he know, someone else had been watching them too, peaking from behind her laptop, from time to time, sneaking glances at the blonde.

"Um... I'm kinda tired today so...truth!" He said all smug, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at their leader who shook his head in response, ready to ask him some dumb question. Before he could, Wooyoung cut him off, "My dear San~ I got one for you."

He was singing, which meant they were all doomed, at least San was, though he shook off the feeling and giggled, "Truth. Hit me with anything." Slapping his hand on the table that vibrated under the impact.

"Oh, I will~" Wooyong who was next to him got up and changed his place, sitting across from San, blocking his view of Y/N.

"Hey-"

"Wanna see your face when I ask you."

He cut off the blonde, ignoring the raised eyebrows he had received from his leader, "San, truth time, what was the name of your crush whose number you tried to take from 119".

At that very moment, Y/N sat up straight, closing her laptop, suddenly interested in the game. Hey, if she still knew that person, maybe she can get the two together or something, not that she had any right to, but maybe who knows.

San looked paler than the moon, staring right at Wooyoung then eyes darting to Seonghwa who cleared his throat. His mouth had gone dry and his palms were clammy, an unpleasant feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, unsure of what to do or say, before he let out a nervous chuckle, "On second thought, I'll go with dare-"

"NO", Mingy shoved him slightly, "Be a man and spill, we wanna know too!"

"Yeah, what kind of brother hides stuff like this!" Yunho placed his hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt.

"Maybe we shouldn't pester him," Seonghwa interjected, only to be ignored.

Hongjoong, who would usually pick up the hints the eldest would drop quickly, was too engrossed in the situation.

Eyes darting around the room, he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, "Seriously, guys, I'm sure she doesn't even like me now so, why bother-"

"Was it Boram, she was really pretty- oh or EunJi, she was super popular too?"

All heads turned to the new voice, Y/N who was looking directly at San, who wanted the Earth to swallow him whole.

"I know for a fact that EunJi did have a crush on you too- oh wait what about Hyun Joo, she was your partner in science too right?" At the back of her mind, she knew she should've stopped, but she just wanted to know, all of the girls she mentioned were great people and San was a great guy! So, why was setting them up an issue- it not like she liked him or something... He never really spoke to her back in school too so...

He frowned at the attempt and interjection, only to stare at the table then glance back up at her, "No." A curt, small, no, enough for her to get a hint, of not being liked, of shutting up, which is exactly, why when her phone rang she thanked God she had a good excuse to leave the room.

There was silence once Y/N had left to attend to the phone call. For a good minute, no one said anything until Wooyoung sighed and reached to spin the bottle again, only for San to grab it and glare at him, receiving a "What?"

"You know what."

"No, I don't."

"Why did you ask me that?"

"I don't know, felt like it."

"YOU FELT LIKE IT?"

"WHAT DOES IR MATTER ITS JUST A QUESTION?!"

"BECAUSE IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

Slamming his hand on the table Hongjoong silenced them, "Yah! It's just a game, Wooyoung don't ask stupid questions, San don't over react. It's late anyway, we should go to bed-"

Seonghwa just sighed, shaking his head as he begun to clean up the mess, the rest slowly leaving the room. He hadn't heard Y/N walk in again, until she grabbed a paper cup he was reaching for, earning a smile from her and a gentle, "You can go to sleep too, don't worry I'll clean this up."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup, I have work to do anyway, so I'll be up for a while."

With that she spent almost an hour cleaning up the mess and decided to get back to work, to not think about how San had responded to her. She did cross a line though, they were never really friends, so who was she to ask him or suggest, especially when he had said he was tired. It was her fault, thus she had decided to apologise to him in the morning.

Another hour in and it was aready two in the morning, deciding to give up on the project, she closed the laptop screen and decided to grab a cup of water on her way to her room, to sleep, she had to be quiet since she was sharing it with the other staff members.

What she did not expect was to find San standing in the kitchen, staring right at her. Bowing slightly, she mumbled a, "I uh...came for water?"

Nodding he grabbed a water bottle and handed it to her, averting his gaze, which made her realise he was still mad at her. Thanking him as she took it from him she cleared her throat, "I...I'm sorry I interupted your game, it wasnt my place to say anything, especially since we...havent really been more than classmates. I just um.." she looked at the floor, trying to open the stupid bottle that was filled to the brim, "All those girls were like super smart and pretty, everyone liked them too so i thought...yeah."

"You're smarter...and prettier." Her eyes widened at his statement, looking up at him, only to realise he had moved a bit closer. Reaching for the bottle, he gently took it from her, twisting the cap open without spilling a drop and handing it back to her as he sighed.

She was still staring at him in disbelief, not a word processing anymore, why would he say that? What did that even mean???

"I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier...I just um...didn't really know how to handle the situation and-" he started only to be interrupted by her again.

"Its okay- please I...thank you for the compliments, but I um..I'm the one who should be apologising for saying that, again, you had every right to be angry. You don't have to tell anyone if you dont want to and-"

"It was you."

Once again he was greeted with silence as she gazed up at him, causing him to sigh, "I uh...didn't know how to say it I mean...I didn't really want to get rejected straight up, in front of everyone, so I...yes, but I- I know we can't be like that but Seonghwa hyung told me how I need to process this better. You're entitled to your own feelings and...I respect that...though I...really eould like to be your friend.' he smiled at her before nodding, "I guess ...that would be enough too."

She watched him talk on, and on, her brain on buffer mode, only nodding at the end, as he walked away. It was only when dhe heard his bedroom door click close, that she realised what he had said to her.

San closed the door quietly, making sure he didn't wake up the other two members he was sharing with. He had laid down on the make shift mattress, staring up at the ceiling, a sort of melancholic atmosphere settling around him as he laughed at the irony called his life, rejecting himself for his own crush, just so he couldn't hear her do it. At the end of it all, nothing had changed, he was still the scared, scrawny, boy, too afraid to approach her, to talk to her. He wasn't expecting to bump into her in the kitchen, but her apology made him crack, he never planned on confessing, even though Seonghwa was right, he prayed he hadn't made things worse between the two.

The door slamming open causing him to jump up into sitting position, Mingi yelping and falling off the bed as Seonghwa sat up and turned on the lamp, only to stare at Y/N standing at the door, staring- no, glaring right at...San.

"Um...Y/N?" Seonghwa asked, before looking over to see if he should help Mingi.

San was so confused, but that confusion was soon replaced with pain as the plastic bottle of water came in contact with his head.

"Ow- What the-"

"YOU MORON!", She hissed, marching into the room and grabbing the nearest object, which happened to he a pillow, slapping him with it. Again and again, "YOU DON'T JUST GIVE A SPEECH AND LEAVE- I- HOW COULD YOU? WHAT ARE YOU, DUMB? STUPID?", She yelled, only for him to grab the pillow and throw it away, yelling back, "ARE YOU MAD?"

"No, IM F***ING FURIOUS, YOU BIG IDIOT"She was pulled back by Hongjoong, who had now entered the room with, "Y/N, calm down what's wrong-"

"What's wrong?", Pulling away from him she pointed at San, "This bafoon is whats wrong!"

"Well, he is dumb." Wooyoung interjected only to be shunned down by her glare, "AND YOU KNEW TOO." She hissed at him before turning to San who was now standing next to HongJoong, "What did I even do, if you don't like me, I'm not holding it against you-"

"Holding it against - " inhaling she pinched the bridge of her nose before exhaling, "idiot. You are nothing more than an idiot- I just... You know, I thought maybe you'd matured and grown smarter, but no, puberty did it's job and common sense just left the building."

"What is the point-"

"THE POINT? CHOI SAN YOU WANT TO KNOW THE POINT?"she slapped his chest causing him to wince, "WHY WOULD YOU CALL FOR MY NUMBER, WHEN I LIVED RIGHT NEXT DOOR?"

That statement had led the whole room to drop dead silent. All eyes landing on the genius who looked like he had been hit with the most brain shattering information.

"I literally lived next door, went to school on the same bus as you and-" she gasped, "I had no date for prom I- i can't believe it, I was a single loser at prom becaude of you, I thought it was because I was a nerd, thats why you ignored my hints, if I'd known you were an idiot, i would've confessed to you first."

Yeosang snorted, as everyone turned to look at him and he raised his hands, "I'm sorry, but this is a complete, play stupid games, win stupid prizes moment."

"San." Hongjoong looked at the baffled boy, who just stood there, staring at his feet, "Is this true? Did she really live next door?'

"...." He glanced at HongJoong and nodded, earning a groan from all of them.

"Talk about being your worst enemy" was all Mingi said before snuggling back into bed, not caring about what they were going to do next.

✨✨✨

San learned two things that day,

1)He was an idiot.

2)He loved someone who was as bad at expressing herself, as he was.

So, when he saw Mingi just sobbing, he wanted to ask what had happened but the way she held onto hks phone forcef him to stop. He had been dating her for four months now, he had learnt how she'd take matters in her own hands, even if it meant being a b****. Though thats the first thing he had noticed about her in school too, the confidence was not only brave but also stupid, yet strong enough for him to find attractive.

"Say it."

"No!" He yelled back only for her to raise an eyebrow, "Fine, I'll read more-"

"NO."

"Then SAY IT."

"Fine! I HAVE A NICE NATURAL SMILE." Mingi yelled at her.

"AND!?"

"I'll smile more in my selfies! okay! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!"to he honest he wasn't crying out of frustration, but because for the past week HongJoong and Y/N had been trying to convince Mingi to smile more, explaining how his insecurity was invalid, since he had one of the nicest smiled they'd seen. Y/N just said a smile makes everyone look pretty, and had posted a picture for him, of him smiling, and today she hsd decided to read the postive and some thirsty comments left by fans, leading the baby to break down.

"Yup, here you go." She handed him to phone as he snatched it from her, marching out of the room as he paused to stare at San, "Your ideal type is weird.' before leavint the room.

"Do I even ask?" He chuckled, placing his bagpack on the bench, staring at her approach him shrugging in return, "I just feel like you're all more drama than one should actually be."

"Oh, is that so?" Quirking a brow at her he watched her unzip his bag to take out her laptop. "Very much so." Glancing at him she winked at him, "now, if you excuse me, I have work to do."

"No spending time with me?" He pouted, only to earn a snort, "Would've liked to see highschool San say this to me."

"I'm sure you would have, you psycho."

"Your psycho." She corrected, earning a hearty laugh from him as she sat next to him, opening her laptop, staring at their reflection at the black screen, liking how thibgs had turned out- she still had to thank Wooyoung for that day.

Why Your Vote Matters (aka Where I've Been Lately)

Hi there. I'm back today. We got back Thursday but I needed to recover for a day before I tried to get back to something like my normal life. Needless to say, I missed you all. 💕

So, before I launch into this story, two things. First, my family and I are all okay. Second, yeah, I'm going to get a little political here and I try to keep such to a minimum. But I wouldn't do this without a compelling reason.

Trigger warnings for miscarriage, stillbirth, pregnancy, illness, and reproductive health care.

Not far into October, a friend of mine from college invited us out to visit her in California. Like me, she has two little girls. She and I haven't seen each other since we started families so it has been a little while. We got back in touch a few months ago on social media and often talked about how we needed to get together. My Chemical Romance, our favorite band, was playing out there and she got us tickets.

My husband stayed home but I took the girls, yes I made them do school each day lol, and we went out to stay with my friend and her family. Her girls are lovely, her husband is a really great guy.

I should probably mention that she was expecting her third child, a boy. Her due date was right after Thanksgiving. She was just starting her eighth month when we got there. She looked amazing and everything was going well. She suffered a miscarriage last year, she explained, and with this pregnancy, she was terrified of that happening again. She didn't even tell her friends she was expecting until it became obvious.

This pregnancy wasn't planned. But she wanted 3 or 4 children and when they found out everything was going well and it was a boy, they were thrilled. They had a room set up, all his things ready. Their girls, who are a little younger than mine, are small but they were excited. All four girls were like long-lost sisters from the start. It was fun to watch them.

The night of the concert came. My friend didn't want to take a risk in going. Understandable. I went with a friend of hers named Brie (also an MCR fan) and she watched my girls. It was a really good night.

The day before we originally planned to leave, I got my girls going on school (we homeschool). Her girls had gone to school and her husband went to work. She seemed worried. When I asked what was wrong, she said the baby was still and that concerned her. We talked about it and I finally convinced her to call her doctor's office to get her in that day. She was worried about overreacting. I told her that her peace of mind was important too.

The rest of that day was a nightmare. The ultrasound revealed that her son had died. What happened was incredibly rare. Even if they had been doing an ultrasound the exact moment when things went wrong, there was little chance they could have saved him. Her husband raced to the hospital. I went with my girls to get theirs from school and took them home. Her labor was induced and after 11 hours, she gave birth to her son. And he was a little smaller but perfect in every way. His heart just wasn't beating.

I stayed on to help with the girls. My friend's parents are gone and her mother-in-law lives in New Zealand so she couldn't get there right away. I was glad to help. I've experienced some things at the shelter but this was so much more personal. The loss was intense. Her girls aren't 5 yet. How to explain to them (and mine) what happened. It was hard to watch this couple go through loss and grief and have to face every aspect of that. There was a funeral. There was that happy room in bright yellow waiting for a child that wasn't coming.

The funeral was the Friday before Halloween. I took all our girls to a Halloween trail in their town that weekend. I helped where I could. I decided we'd stay on a few days until her MIL could get there.

But my friend had a fever almost as soon as she got home from the hospital. She didn't look well. Yes, she'd been through hell. But one morning, I was making breakfast for the kids and she came into the kitchen. There was a sick smell coming from her. And I had to tell her that. I asked her if I could check her temperature. It was high. She didn't want to go, but I loaded her and the kids into the car (her husband had gone in to work for just a couple of hours) and took her to the ER. There was something left in her womb. They put her under to clear out this debris (they said it wasn't placenta) which had caused sepsis. It was serious. She was back in the hospital and we almost lost her.

Her husband and I took shifts with one of us staying with her, and the other staying with our kids until we knew she'd make it. I thanked the nurse when we brought her home three days ago for all her help. She told me that she was just grateful my friend was in California.

Her MIL got there Wednesday and we came home. But that nurse's words stayed with me. If my friend lived somewhere else, would she be dead? Would she have been denied the care she needed to save her life after the devastating loss of her son? Would her son's loss be blamed on her? Would she have been arrested? What would happen to that family either way? Either that husband and two little girls lose a wife and mother or legal issues would haunt their lives on the heels of one of the worst things that can happen to a mother.

Tuesday the 8th is election day here in the U.S. And I'm just asking as a mother, for my friend, and our daughters, that you think carefully when you vote. While I understand the ideology of those who say they want to protect the unborn, I get that, there are so many other situations where access to medical care is vital to the life of the mother. Access to reproductive care is vital to families with kids already here, and to the economy.

What happened to my friend can happen to any of us. And this is a woman who wanted her son. She loved him with all her heart. I can't even bring myself to think about what might have happened to them if they lived in a place where reproductive health care is denied or where a bounty could have been placed on her head so someone could get $10k by saying she deliberately caused that loss.

Please vote to protect women and their rights to their own bodies. Please vote to save the lives of mothers, to save families.

Thank you so much for letting me share this with you.

Part Six

I am SO sorry at the amount of time this took me to write. I am feeling inspired and excited to complete this series though, so watch. this. space. I also recommend listening to 'I Can See You' (TV) (FTV) whilst reading this because it is essentially that song that has fuelled this chapter.

Word Count: 2,746

"What's wrong? What's happened?"

I swing the door of the recording studio open harshly. My face feels flushed as I stand there, breathing heavily. Matty called me about twenty minutes ago, telling me to get to the studio ASAP in the name of an 'emergency'.

"It's fine, Ross has sorted it."

It's been six days since Ross left me in the middle of the pouring rain. No text message, no phone call, nothing. My stomach drops at the mention of his name, I've almost tried to pretend that he doesn't exist since that night.

"Seriously?" I huff, angry now.

"Yeah, it was just something with the software, could've lost everything." He says flippantly, glancing at me as i look at him in disbelief. "It's sorted now, though. Ross to the rescue, yet again."

I scoff at his choice of words, shaking my head and turning to leave.

"Oi," Matty's voice calls from behind me, "Why haven't you been in the studio this week?"

"I've just been busy." I turn to him, clearing my throat as I do so.

"Too busy for us?" He raises his eyebrows. "What, is it a guy? Is that why you've been acting weird?"

"No! No, it's not a guy." I feel my cheeks flush and wonder whether Ross has told him about our kiss the other night. I immediately squash that thought as I remember his attitude towards the whole thing, acting like it was a sin to have feelings, never mind a kiss.

"Then what is it? One minute you're really into it, the next you're barely answering my texts?"

"I'm sorry, okay?" I throw my arms in the air dramatically.

"It's not that you need to apologise, we're just worried about you. Me and the boys, I mean."

I swallow heavily, shifting my eyes around the room.

"Look, we're playing a show tomorrow night - please come." I look to Matty and see his dark eyes pleading, and I realise that I can't let some dickhead guy get in the way of what is not only a great work opportunity, but also a great friendship. "It's in Brixton, I can sort you out a car and everything."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My palms are sweaty as I get ready, sat in front of the mirror. Ross and I haven't even remotely been near each other in over a week, yet those few seconds play like a stuck record in my head.

The way his stubble grazed against my soft skin. His thumbs pressed into my sides, burning through the fabric of my shirt, heat spreading across my body like wildfire. His aftershave, his lips, his tongue, him.

I snap myself out of my daydream, cheeks flushing at the way my stomach tosses and turns at the mere thought of him. I shouldn't feel like this - I should be angry, I should never want to see him ever again. After his outburst at the horrifying reality of our kiss, he disappeared, turning around and heading back down the road we'd walked up, ignoring the call of his name. He left me stood there, middle of the night, rain coming down in literal sheets, and didn't even bother to call me the next day, or the day after that?

I take a deep breath and gather myself. The car Matty booked arrives in twenty minutes - just enough time to down a shot of tequila and give myself a pep talk. I look in the mirror and sigh. Having had a panic when realising I had twenty four hours to gather a concert outfit, I'd settled on my usual - mini skirt, band t-shirt, dad's old leather jacket that is arguably just too oversized. With my hair pinned up and bangs curled, I line my lips and add a wing to my eyes, finally feeling ready.

The car beeps it's horn outside and I hurry, my boots heavy on the pavement as I rush down the steps.

I breathe deeply as we round the corner to the venue, nerves prickling up my back. Swallowing heavily, I thank the driver and get out of the car, my feet feeling heavy as I walk towards the entrance. It's around the back, but I can already hear the bustle of the queues around the front of the arena, even hours before the boys go on themselves.

"Wow, hello stranger!" George teases as I walk down the hallway, him coming towards me from the opposite direction. I roll my eyes in response and accept his hug.

"Nice to see you too." I tease.

"No, genuinely, did you disappear off of the face of the Earth? Abducted by aliens, maybe?"

"Give over." I laugh, following him into the green room. My eyes are already two steps ahead of my brain, scanning the room for him. "I've just been busy."

"Fair enough." He smiles. "Do you want a drink?"

"Yeah, go on then."

We sit and chat for a while before the other boys arrive, enjoying the quiet before the chaos.

"You know, I was talking to Ross earlier-"

My eyes widen at the words as they leave his mouth, and somehow become impossibly wider as he enters the room.

He's smiling sweetly, dimples and all, and I hate the way my eyes are glued to him. Hann, Jamie, Polly and Matty follow him in, waving sarcastically as he comes in and throws his coat across the sofa.

I stand up to greet him, his arms wrapping tightly around my shoulders.

"I'm glad you came." He says as he pulls away and I nod, not sure whether I feel the same in the moment.

I meet Ross' gaze for a second and he gives me a nod of sorts, and for the first time since that night, I feel angry. At him, at what he did, at the fact that he thinks he doesn't owe me an apology. I blink harshly and look away, inhaling sharply and making my way over to the bar cart. Pouring myself a strong drink, I gather my emotions and listen to the deep rumbling of his voice behind me.

"Yeah, it's packed outside already, loads of people." He says to George.

I sit on the sofa, legs crossed and eyes fixed on my phone as I scroll through meaningless, empty Instagram posts. There's a tension in the room, the kind that makes the air feel sticky and hot, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

My eyes flick up and he's looking at me. He doesn't look away. I hold his stare for a few seconds, looking at him through my lashes as he takes a sip of his beer, cursing myself as I give in and look back down at my phone. I listen as he talks to Jamie, and it's like someone's sucked the air out of my lungs as memories of that night flash into my mind. I stand up sharply, making my way towards the door. It's busy in the green room now, lots of family and friends chatting away, and I pray that the busy-ness of the room has made my exit discreet.

"Everything okay?" Matty's hand grips my forearm gently, his brow furrowed.

"Yeah, just going for some air." I smile, nodding lightly.

My boots land heavily on the halls as I make my way towards the exit, weaving my way through the stage hands and guests busying their ways around.

I feel a cold hand on my arm, a gasp escaping my lungs as i'm pulled down a corridor. Instinctively, I try and pull away, but the firm grip has other ideas.

His eyes are dark, looking down at me with concern.

"It's me, it's just me."

"For fuck's sake, Ross!" I hit his arm, taking deep breaths and placing a hand on my chest as it falls and rises. He just watches me and I shake my head. "What? What is this?" I gesture around us.

"We need to talk." He says lowly, his eyes constantly looking to the hallway.

"Do you think so? Yeah, maybe you're right, maybe we do need to talk after you left-"

"Stop shouting." He says blankly, his voice still quiet.

"I cannot believe this." I laugh sarcastically and attempt to leave, but again, his fingertips find my arm.

"Please."

I meet his eyes and they look sad. Like, genuinely sad. I feel the anger in my stomach start to dissipate, sighing as I tilt my head at him.

"Are you going to tell me what happened, then?" I give in, folding my arms across my chest.

He looks both ways down the hallway, double-checking that no one will hear the criminal thing he did. I roll my eyes as he does so.

"I panicked."

I look at him blankly. "That's it? That's all you've got to say, you panicked?"

"Yeah, I panicked. I worried what the boys would say, I panicked that i would look like a fucking idiot if you didn't feel the same. Yeah, I panicked, Iris." He raises his eyebrows at me and I feel guilty for a second before I remember how he made me feel.

"So you just left me? Ross, I could have been killed, it was like 2AM, and you just left me! That's not an excuse!"

"I know, and I'm sorry!"

"I'm not arguing with you about this."

"Iris, this isn't an argument, I'm explaining what happened."

"Explaining? Don't you think I deserve a proper apology?"

"You do, and I've said I'm sorry. Iris, please, just listen to my side of things." He looks down at me and runs a hand through his hair, his chest rising underneath his t shirt as he rests his other hand on his hip. It takes everything in me to keep the blush from creeping into my cheeks, because despite how angry I am right now, he's still so hot.

"Go on, then." I put my hands on my hips and look at him expectantly, the eye contact between us making me blush no matter how hard i try not to.

"I said all those things to you, and I worried that I'd said too much and that everything was going to go up in flames. You work really well with the band, and I didn't want me to ruin everything." he looks down at his feet for a second. "I just... I'm sorry I left you there. I really am. It was a really shit thing to do, and if I could go back, I'd change things, and-"

"Well, you can't Ross." I sigh. "But thank you. For apologising, I mean, and explaining, i guess."

"Are we okay, Iris?" He looks at me with those big, puppy dog eyes, and if organs could melt, i think my heart would be in a puddle. "I know we were never really good, but are we okay, at least?"

"Yeah, we're okay." I nod, pursing my lips and kicking the floor with the toe of my boot. He nods in approval, awkwardly stood in front of me as the silence grows tense again. "Was I really that bad of a kisser?"

He scoffs at me and smiles, and despite everything that's happened between us, I can't help but grin. "No, you definitely weren't, Iris."

My cheeks flush bright red and I laugh awkwardly.

"Okay, I'm going to leave now." I nod and he smiles at me, and I wish I could just dip into his mind and know what he's thinking as our gazes connect, unable to tear away from each other. "I'm leaving now."

I spend the evening in the green room with the boys' families as they get ready to go on stage. Someone comes to tell us they're going on in five, so we make our way to the stage.

Walking down the hallway, I see the boys heading in the opposite direction, presumably through a different entrance.

It's like slow motion. I meet Ross' tall figure - he's wearing a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up halfway, hair up, black trousers on. He maintains the eye contact as he gets closer, and as he brushes past me, I feel our fingertips meet. Gentle, cold, soft, electric. It's like touching an open flame, yet I don't pull my hand away. I can't breathe at the proximity of him, our chests close as he turns to the side to ease past me in the small hallway.

Glancing up at him, there's an unfamiliar look on his face - a smirk. His lips curve upwards cockily as he passes me, and I work hard to turn away from him.

The entire show goes by in a blur - a blur of excitement, desire, tension. The band sound great, and even perform a snippet of a song we've been working on, but he is all I can look at, tall and broad as he skilfully plays away. Seeing him in his element makes me feel a different level of attraction to him.

As the show ends and the crowd screams for them, he meets my gaze at the side of the stage, that same smile appearing. I cheer, whistling for him and he laughs lightly. I smile to myself as I realise that this is truly the first friendly interaction we've had, if friendly is what you can call this. The show ends and the crowds filter out, everyone backstage congratulating the band and bottles of champagne being popped. I try to distract myself from his looming presence in the room, his mind clearly elsewhere as he chats with people from the label.

My eyes follow him as he makes his way towards the door, tall and strong, excusing himself politely as he curbs around people. When he reaches the door, i watch as he searches the room, finally meeting my gaze and cocking his head. I inhale sharply, blushing both because of the fact that I was staring, but also the intimacy of his gesture.

I do as I'm told - I excuse myself from the conversation with Matty's aunties and leave the room. He slips into a room further down the hallway, and I notice that he leaves the door open.

"Ross, what-"

The second I enter the room, he's closing the door behind us and I'm pressed up against it. His hands are either side of my head, his face impossibly close to mine, and I feel my body go like putty under his presence. My lips part as his eyes are trained on my face, and the fire is lit in my stomach.

"I thought about you while I was out there." His deep voice murmurs. "The whole time."

"The whole time?"

He hums in reply and I squeeze my legs together. He notices and I blush.

"I thought we were okay, Ross."

"We'll never be okay, Iris."

I subconsciously move my hands up his shirt, watching as he closes his eyes. He moves his head to the side for a moment, almost like he's thinking about the pro's and con's of this situation.

"They don't have to know, if that's what you're worried about." I say quietly, my mind clouded in the darkness of the room.

He looks back to me and shakes his head lightly. "They'll know." He huffs, not moving. "I need you, Iris."

I scratch the hair at the nape of his neck lightly and hear the low groan escape his throat.

I can't take it anymore - I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his, and it's like taking a cold shower after a hot day. His lips on mine are relieving.

"Are you sure?" He mumbles against me as his hands move underneath my shirt, rubbing and circling at the soft skin at my waist.

"I'm sure." I nod, probably seeming a little desperate.

His hands trail down my thighs, pulling the tiny mini skirt even higher if possibly. The groans and hums that leave his mouth have me reeling.

I push him backwards, his knees hitting the sofa behind him and forcing him to sit down. His eyes are impossibly dark, clouded with desire and needy as I stand in front of him.

"You're not going to leave me in the middle of this, are you?" I tease as I move to straddle him using my thumb to wipe away the lipstick smeared in his cheek.

"Never." he murmurs as his lips find my neck, forcing my eyes shut.

The Truth About a Legend

By Leonard Bernstein

One day in 1962, I received a call from Glenn in Toronto. He was to play Brahms' D Minor Concerto with me and the New York Philharmonic the following week in Carnegie Hall. He said, "Oh boy, have I got some surprises for you; I have made such discoveries about this piece." I thought, "Well, wonderful." Any discovery of Glenn's was welcomed by me because I worshipped the way he played: I admired his intellectual approach, his "guts" approach, his complete dedication to whatever he was doing, his constant inquiry into a new angle or a new possibility of the truth of a score. That's why he made so many experimental changes of tempi. He would play the same Mozart sonata-movement adagio one time and presto the next, when actually it's supposed to be neither. He was not trying to attract attention, but looking for the truth. I loved that in him. A week before he was to come to New York, he made that call to announce that he had some really new ideas about the Brahms, and to prepare me for them. I said, "Along what order? You're not making a big cut? You're not taking a huge repeat that Brahms didn't write?" Because he had made it sound so extraordinary I didn't know what to expect. He said, "No, it's just a matter of tempo here and there, but I just want to warn you because you might be a little shocked." I told him nothing he could do would shock me because I knew him too well by now, and I was almost unshockable.He arrived and set forth three unbelievable tempi for the three movements. In the first place, they were so slow that the first movement alone took about as much time as it should take to play the whole concerto. It was all in six—the whole first movement had to be beaten in six. There was no sense of alla breve, which, of course, is the point of the movement—or, rather, there was no sense of that fine line between 6/4 in two and 6/4 in six. It's a kind of tightrope which you walk so that at any moment you can veer toward one side or the other—be more flowing, or be more sostenuto, whatever—according to the needs of the music. This, however, was no tightrope. This was having fallen off the tightrope into the safety net called adagissimo—and this for an allegro, mind you. I said I was perfectly willing to go along with it, pour le sport, so to speak, as maybe he had something there. . I also said that I thought we'd have an empty house before we got to the slow movement. Glenn laughed. "Wait till you hear how the slow movement goes, which is also in 6/4. It's exactly the same as the first movement's 6/4. It's just like repeating!" That was his major discovery: the two movements were really both aspects of the same movement, and therefore both—6/4's had to be the same. After an hour of this, we finally got to the finale, which is a 2/4 Hungarian thing, and no matter how much you hold back in the Hungarian manner, you can't possibly do it in four. It's a 2/4 thing, and you can subdivide or hold back all you want, but you can go only so far. I did forewarn the orchestra a little about this. I said, "Now, don't give up, because this is a great man, whom we have to take very seriously." There were some very odd looks when we began the rehearsal, but they were wonderfully cooperative and went right along with it. Of course, they did get tired: it was very tiring. After the rehearsal I asked him, "Are you sure you're still convinced about the 'slowth' of this piece ?" And he said, "Oh, more than ever; did you hear how wonderfully the tension built?"In those days, we had our first concert of each weekly series on Thursday night, which was a kind of dress rehearsal in which I talked to the audience. It was a chic night, the night to be there. You could never get a ticket for Thursday night. I sometimes had a piano, and illustrated points about the music being played as I do on a television show, all in order to bring the audience closer to the music. That night I thought, "What am I going to talk to them about?"—when obviously the main subject of the evening was going to be our performance of a Brahms concerto and Glenn's interpretation of it. So I said to Glenn backstage, "You know, I have to talk to the people. How would it be if I warned them that it was going to be very slow, and prepare them for it? Because if they don't know, they really might leave. I'll just tell them that there is a disagreement about the tempi between us, but that because of the sportsmanship element in music I would like to go along with your tempo and try it." It wasn't to be a disclaimer; I was very much interested in the results—particularly the audience reaction to it. I wrote down a couple of notes on the back of an envelope and showed them to Glenn: "Is this okay?" And he said, "Oh, it's wonderful, what a great idea." So I went out, read these few notes, and said, "This is gonna be different, folks. And it's going to be very special. This is the Glenn Gould Brahms concerto." Out he came, and indeed he played it exactly the way he had rehearsed it, and wonderfully too. The great miracle was that nobody left, because of course it had become such a thing to listen to. The house came down, although, if I remember correctly, it took well over an hour to play. It was very exciting. I never loved him more. The result in the papers, especially the New York Times, was that I had betrayed my colleague. Little did they know—though I believe I did say so to the audience—that I had done this with Glenn's encouragement. They just assumed that I had sold him down the river by coming out first to disclaim his interpretation. It was, on the contrary, a way of educating the audience as part of Thursday night's procedure. All this was not only misunderstood, but repeated and repeated and multiplied exponentially by every other newspaper that wrote about it. Then Harold Schonberg, the ex-chief critic of the Times who wrote the infamous review, wrote a Sunday piece in the form of a letter to "Dear Ossip"— Gabrilovitch, I assume. "Dear Ossip, you vill nyever guess vat last night in Carnyegie Hall hhappent!" sort of thing. The piece was based on this notion of betrayal. He has never let that notion die, and because it's so juicy it has undergone a kind of propagation all over the world. However, the "juicy" part is what did not happen. (For me, the juicy part is what did happen.) Of course, a defense is very weak, once a legend is born. It's rather like the Radical Chic Black Panther legend, which I can never seem to set straight. I have the feeling, even now, that trying to make this story about Glenn clear by telling the truth can't really erase the now legendary, but false, version. Glenn laughed about it. He has that kind—had that kind of ... (I can’t get used to this idea of putting him in the past tense)—Glenn had strong elements of sportsmanship and teasing, 'the kind of daring which accounts for his freshness, the great sense of inquiry which made him suddenly understand Schoenberg and Liszt in the same category, or Purcell and Brahms, or Orlando Gibbons and Petula Clark. He would suddenly bring an unlikely pair of musicians together in some kind of startling comparative essay. At some point, early on—I think when he was doing the Beethoven C Minor Concerto with me—Glenn and I were going to do some work at my apartment, so I invited him to dinner first. This was the first time Felicia, my wife, had actually met him. As you know, Glenn had a "cold complex." He had a fur hat on all the time, several pairs of gloves and I don't know how many mufflers, and coat upon coat. He arrived and began taking off all, or at least some of these things, and Felicia met and loved him instantly. "Oh," she said, "aren't you going to take off your hat?" He had a fur astrakhan cap on, and he said, "Well, I don't think so." At length, he did, and there was all this rotting, matted, sweaty hair that hadn't been shampooed in God knows how long. It was disappearing because it was so unhealthy. Before I knew it, Felicia—before "Have a drink" or anything —had him in the bathroom, washed his hair and cut it, and he emerged from the bathroom looking like an angel. I've never seen anything so beautiful as Glenn Gould coming out of that bathroom with his wonderful blond clean hair. There was a marvelous relationship that sprang up instantly between Glenn and Felicia which lasted through the years. I remember when during the summer of 1955—several years before we met Glenn—Felicia was waiting to give birth to our son, Alexander. The doctors had miscalculated, so we had an extra month to wait. It was June; there was a heat wave in New York; she was in her ninth month and very easily tired and disgruntled. One of the great sources of comfort to us during that month was Glenn's first recording of the Goldberg Variations which had just come out. It became "our song." Of course, the haircut Felicia gave Glenn didn't change his lifestyle at all. I remember we had a recording session a week after the dinner, and he had the fur cap and gloves back on along with all the rest of it. He'd whip the gloves off, record a few bars and then whip them on again, or he'd stop suddenly in the middle of a take and race downstairs to the men's room to nm his hands under hot water. He'd come back, gloves on, and start again. He was very unpredictable, but always very approachable. He had a strange combination of dogmaticism and great humor, which don't usually go together. The humor never, to my knowledge, went away. The one time I saw him on his own turf, so to speak, was when I was making a Canadian tour with the New York Philharmonic, and we stopped in Toronto. Naturally I had to call up Glenn. I went to see him at his apartment, which was a shambles— months of mail stacked up along with newspapers and test pressings. You had to pick your way between piles of things. There he was in the midst of all this, at his special Chickering piano, which he had prepared to sound rather like a fortepiano, or as much like a harpsichord as possible. I wanted to see his apartment and said, "Oh, this must be the bedroom," but he wouldn't let me go in—apparently it was an even worse mess. In any case, he said, "Let's go and do my favorite thing." So we went down and got into his car, he being wrapped up in all his furs and gloves and hats, with all the windows up, the heat turned on full blast, and the radio turned on to a good music station, also full blast. We drove around the city of Toronto, just listening to the radio and sweating. I couldn't stop sweating, but he loved it. I said, "Do you do this often?" He said, "Every day." This was a man who was fascinated by the Arctic and the North Pole. In fact, at that very time he was making the incredible documentary about the North. He'd been there twice and was just about to go again because he was so fascinated by it. For this man, who was so afraid of the cold, to be attracted to the cold, is a paradox that only twelve Freuds could figure out. Here was a man you could really come to love. We became very close friends, but when he stopped playing in public, I saw less and less of him. I regret that, because it was a real relationship, based on a mutual appreciation of the sense of inquiry. He had an intellect that one could really play against and learn from. He was about fifteen years younger than I, I think, but I never felt that he was my junior, in any sense. He was a real peer, in every sense. When he died, l just couldn't bear it. ©1983 Amberson Holdings LLC. First published in "Glenn Gould Variations – By Himself and His Friends", edited with an introduction by John McGreevy, Publisher: Quill, New York.

An interview with Måneskin: “It's not about out bodies, it's about our music”

Heyo, I'm back with another translation. This time the article is from the German Rolling Stone website who met with Måneskin after their TikTok performance at the Schwuz, Berlin, and posted the interview yesterday. Again there were some interesting questions asked (and the pictures they added to the article are quite nice, though severely lacking some Ethan content, but check it out!).

Again, I hope that no one has already gone through the effort and translated it or is currently working on a translation. Also this is an official invitation, if you stumble across any articles or video interviews in German that you would like to have translated just message me and I'll get to it! (or if you just wanna chat about Måneskin, my inbox is always open :))

Have a great day everyone!

Full article under the cut.

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An interview with Måneskin: “It's not about out bodies, it's about our music”

Jose-Luis Amsler

July 6, 2021

Måneskin are just what this generation has been missing. Passionate, corny, and full-on honest. In an interview with Rolling Stones, the ESC winners explain to us why they would never work in a normal job and why the hype for their appearance is sometimes going too far.

Damiano, Victoria, Thomas and Ethan are entering the nearly deserted dance hall, before they wait on stage in a red-blue spotlight. They are wearing glittering fish net tops, black tape across their nipples, leather pants, heels and make up. The camera men who are filming in portrait format (9:16) suitable for TikTok are whirling up the haze of the fog machine.

Måneskin are [in] Berlin to give a TikTok concert. A TikTok livestream of this scale has not been done often – tension is in the air. The four Italians don't know at this point that due to the stream the few people present are not allowed to clap or cheer. In complete silence and with slight uncertainty the four are crossing Neukölln's club Schwuz. A few puzzled glances are exchanged. Finally,  Måneskin are striking the first chord.

Then the rich sound of Ethan's bass drum is tearing through the silence. It's almost as if someone has flicked a switch somewhere. There it is, the rock star presence that is hovering over everything they do, with an ounce of arrogance (in the best sense of the word). Singer Damiano is dancing lasciviously on his heels, and during an especially ecstatic solo guitarist Thomas is throwing himself down on the floor in a way it can only be done by a passionate 20-year-old musician who had never had to worry about the looming doom of an artificial knee joint [for 'passionate' the interview is using the term 'besessen' which means 'possessed', and although I think it's rather supposed to describe the way Thomas is 'possessed / obsessed' with the music, thus passionate for the music, you never know if they didn't mean to say that the way he dances looks 'possessed' … I mean, they might be on to something here ;)]. Around half an hour and about 120 decibel later, Damiano says their goodbyes with an almost shy-sounding “Okay, bye.” After the performance, we do our interview in the Schwuz.

Rolling Stone: It was a little bit weird, right, when you went on stage today?

Damiano: Yeah, that was really strange (laughs). They only told us after the performance that the audience was instructed to stay silent for the stream.

Vic: But at least they weren't silent because we were shit (all laughing). We are slowly getting used to playing without a live audience. I mean we are doing this now for more than a year.

RS: What do you think about these new kinds of concerts such as the TikTok livestream today?

Damiano: Well, at the moment it is the only option to perform anyway, so it's alright. But of course you cannot compare this to a proper concert.

Thomas: But it's pretty cool that so many people can experience our concert live.

Vic: Also we're gonna start touring again soon. Right now we are arranging some festival and gigs. In December we will be touring Italy and afterwards we are planning to go on tour through Europe. But we don't have anything fixed yet, there is just a lot going on at the moment.

“A lot going on”. Quite an understatement considering the recent journey Måneskin has made through the past weeks after their ESC win. Their singles “Beggin'” and “I Wanna Be Your Slave” went through the roof (also thanks to Social Media) and are currently dominating the international charts – lately they were also number one in Germany. There is barely a radio station that isn't playing the band on heavy rotation [would love to know what stations they listen to, have never heard Måneskin played in German radio tbh :( ], and everyone opening Instagram or TikTok these days is flooded by Måneskin content. Every second a new fanpage with the name of 'maneskin_obsession' or 'damianos_slut' is springing up like a (virtual) mushroom. It sounds like a cliche, but Damiano, Vic, Thomas and Ethan became international stars over night.

“Of course it's nice to get compliments. But sometimes they definitely cross a line.” – Damiano David

RS: How has your life as a band changed since your win at the ESC in Rotterdam?

Vic: I think we don't even notice a lot of what's happening. Right after the ESC we went to a studio in the countryside where we made music the whole day long. So at first we didn't realise that so many things were happening all around us – and that we had so many new fans. We're just now beginning to learn what's going on. We were at Sony yesterday, there were so many fans waiting for us. That was crazy.

RS: A large part of the attention you are getting now is about your outer appearance, your style, your attractiveness. Is that getting a little too much sometimes?

Damiano: Of course it's nice to get compliments (laughs). But sometimes they definitely cross a line. Especially when we just talk about our music or about a social or political topic that we care about. In those moments it's just completely inappropriate to reduce us to our appearance. Sure – when I'm posting a half-naked picture of myself on Instagram I know that I will get these kind of comments. And then it's totally fine, I mean in the end I'm posting the picture to show myself. But sometimes it's not the right place for it.

RS: And also you should be allowed to wear what you want without being sexualised, right?

Vic: Yes, absolutely. We are wearing these outfits because we feel good in them, not to put the focus on our bodies. And in general it shouldn't always only be about how you dress. We are musicians – so first and foremost it should be about our music. But I think it will still be a long way until we will reach that point.

“That the boys are wearing make up does not tell you what gender they are attracted to. Those things should never be equated with each other.” – Victoria De Angelis

RS: But still you are sending a message with your style against stereotypical gender roles. I guess it's also not only coincidence that we are in the Schwuz today, which is normally a party location and safe space for the LGBTQ community.

Vic: Yes, that is all part of the positive message that we try to send. We want to give our audience the feeling that they are free. Free to wear whatever they want to wear, be how they want to be and love whom they want to love. It's unbelievable that there is still so much intolerance in our times. That has always been really important to us so we try to talk about these topics. We also believe that the narrow-mindedness of society is an educational problem. When you grow up with people all around you telling you how you should be, you will never feel completely free. The more people are talking about it, the sooner things will change.

RS: Some artists who are advocating for these topics are accused of 'queerbaiting', that they are only pretending to be a certain way to gain more support from the queer community. Have you also been faced with those allegations?

Vic: Yes, a few times. But of course we never pretended to be anything. Some people accuse of us queerbaiting because we look and act the way we do. But that's flawed thinking. We don't believe that clothes are connected to a person's sexuality. That the boys are wearing make up does not tell you what gender they are attracted to. Those two things should never be equated with each other.

RS: This courage for free self expression that you are conveying is mainly lived by our (young) generation through Instagram and the like. What is your relationship to social media?

Damiano: For me it was almost scary at first. The more we grew, the more people were trying to twist all of my words. But over time you start to understand that with more fame you also get more criticism. The happier you look the more hate you will get. It's not only like that for celebrities. If you are brave enough to show the things that make you happy there will always be people that support you, but they are also those that envy you. Of course, this should never lead anyone to not express themselves openly but that's easier said than done.

Vic: We are also trying not to spend too much time on social media. In the end we just try to be honest with our fans and to avoid negativity.

[caption under the picture of Damiano: 'Is already being compared to icons such as David Bowie']

It's actually surprising how little power a win at the ESC holds in most cases. Almost 200 million people are watching this shining spectacle every year – and still, a few months afterwards it is hard to remember who those people were that got covered in confetti during the award ceremony. It's the well-known curse of a casting show that rests on the winning bands. When just next year a new sensation will come to marvel at, how much impact does a win have then? There are exceptions of course, like Lena who is until this day, 10 years after her win in Oslo, a part of the more famous music scene of German pop music. With their charisma, their unusual sound at least for our modern standards, and their contemporary message Måneskin could become such an exception, too.

It's likely also helpful that the band already had a standing in the Italian music scene prior to their ESC participation. Their first album 'Il ballo della vita' already achieved platinum in 2018, three years prior to Sanremo and the ESC. And then there is also the long way that led the four schoolmates to this point that helped them gain the necessary persistence. Because contrary to what some people might want to believe Måneskin are not a phenomenon that has just been deliberately bred to be this way by the entertainment industry for Eurovision.

“I have worked [in a 'normal' job] for a whole month in my entire life – it didn't really end well.” – Damiano David

RS: You were all raised in Rome, the capital of the catholic church. What was it like to start as a young progressive band in such a conservative environment?

Damiano: In the beginning, when we started as buskers, no one gave a damn about us anyways (all laughing). But of course … Once we got a bit bigger there were a few people who had a problem with us. For example when we went to Sanremo, there were quite many people who thought that the way we looked and acted we shouldn't be allowed to represent Italy. They didn't even want to listen to our music first.

Vic: Especially when it comes to appearance and sexuality, Italy is a little more backward than other countries. The church probably also has an influence there. They are often quite conservative of course, so many people grew up with such a [conservative] mindset.

RS: You once said that the song 'In Nome Del Padre' is an answer to exactly those people. What does the song mean to you?

Damiano: Back in the beginning [of our career] we had to deal with a lot of problems. They didn't want to let us play in clubs because we would take too much space as a band or because they didn't like our (fashion) style or because they didn't want to pay us. Italy isn't a good place for bands. Our musical style was also criticised a lot. Many people were telling us: Don't do that [rock music], you won't get popular with that in Italy, you will never achieve anything with it. Of course those comments were hurtful but they were also a good reason for us to continue with what we did. And we turned our sadness into anger. With that song we wanted to tell those people from back then: Fuck off and look at us, we did it!

RS: Did you ever consider working in a nine-to-five job and live a 'normal' life?

Damiano: Nah, not really. For one month in my life I worked [in a 'normal' job] – it didn't end well (all laughing).

Vic: We all made music since we were kids. It's a huge part of us, that we couldn't just ignore. And the most important thing is that you do something that makes you happy. At least that's what we believe. So we started from a young age to put all our time and energy into music.

Thomas: Yeah, exactly. Ever since we were in school together we always made music. That has always been our main focus and it is until today. We play and play and play because it is the only thing that …  

Ethan: … we live for.

Damiano: Music has also something very therapeutic for us. Even when we are in a bad mood or fight with each other – yeah, that happens, too – then all of that is gone the moment we enter the stage. Maybe that's the beautiful thing about music – that it allows you to forget everything else. You're just standing on stage, having fun with your friends.

From most bands you wouldn't buy such a corny love letter to music. Mostly it just sounds like an empty phrase, a well-practiced quotable line. But when there is something that defines Måneskin and that becomes more and more evident during our conversation it's their uncompromising honesty. The four of them are definitely not lacking a sense of humour but they take their music very seriously. Which should not be taken for granted in a generation that has mainly produced sarcastic cloud rappers and has made cynical twitter comedy a national sport. And maybe Måneskin are exactly what this generation was lacking all along.

Still, the four musicians, all in the age of 20 to 22, are also prone to the constant need for self-expression, that has become an intrinsic part of today's life. This does not only reflect in the outfits of the band (always 'on fleek') and their Instagram profiles, but also in their lyrics. Their latest record 'Teatra D'Ira – Vol. 1' shows a clear theme: The album is an ode to individuality, accentuated by fast and hard sounds.

Sometimes this message fitting for a Disney movie [really? guess I have been watching the wrong Disney movies my whole life …] is wrapped in a contrasting loud and forceful packaging, but never so much that it becomes inauthentic or self-caricaturing [note: I'm honestly not entirely sure what they wanted to say with this sentence since it uses a lot of rhetorical devices that could be interpreted in different ways, but I'd say this sounds the most plausible]. And in the end, the thing that makes Måneskin so interesting is their unification of the spirit of this time – between TikTok hedonism and an omnipresent political statement – with the music of past generations.

“When you are twenty, you start to think about what the future will hold.” – Damiano David

RS: Your musical style is often described as classical 70s rock, but in fact there are many different influences in your music. Sometimes you groove almost into funk, sometimes it's more rapping than singing. How did this mixture come to be?

Thomas: It's just that we all have our own individual influences and then we meet somewhere in the middle. And we always try to stay open for experiments.

Ethan: Yes, we are very experimental in our song writing process.

Vic: We also don't want to limit ourselves to what is regarded as typical rock music. If rap fits better at some point then we just add that in. It just happens naturally without us thinking too much about it.

RS: So why was it still rock music in the end?

Vic: Because it's the style that we feel most represented by. But actually we just play the music that we enjoy playing. That's really important to us so that we can show something real on stage. We don't want to pretend to be something that we aren't or mock those people that really enjoy our music. You should always be proud of what you're doing and never fake anything just to sell more records.

RS: Is there something like an Italian rock music scene?

Vic: There are quite a lot of bands – but the most of them are much older than us or they are more going in the direction Indie rock. There isn't really a young rock scene, which we think is a pity. But ever since we got more famous people are telling us that they started listening to rock music because of us or that they bought their first guitar and such. That's incredibly nice!

RS: So you're saying that you also want to show this style of music to a younger generation. And you capture this contrast quite well in the song 'Vent'anni', which is a typical rock ballad but lyrically portrays the thoughts of today's youth. Where did the motivation come from to write that song?

Damiano: With the song I wanted to show that I'm just a normal guy, a really typical 20-year-old. I experience the same things that other people in my age are experiencing, I'm just doing another job than them. Also I wanted to describe this age as a whole because I think it's a really special age. At 20 you start to think about what the future will hold. I think it's one of the most important stages of your life. Since we (the four of us) are all in the same age, I then started to mix our experiences together. In the end the song shows what it means to us to be 20. There is a lot of good things – you are quite carefree and are looking at life enthusiastically. But on the other hand you're too young to do certain things and too old to do others. Some people are treating you like a full-grown adult, but …

Vic: … not entirely.

Damiano: Exactly. It can get pretty frustrating at times. We wanted to show our audience: Hey, we're also just 20 years old, and we're going through the same things as you. We understand you.

RS: Except that you are the ones who are becoming a world-wide phenomenon right now. How do you want to maintain this honesty?

Damiano: I think that we could just reach this point because we have always been authentic – for better or for worse. Also we are just trying to have fun with what we're doing together. That's something special that we don't want to lose. In the end we're just four friends who started to live their dream. It's actually pretty simple. Of course – we go on stage, we get a lot of attention, we give interviews – but when we come back home we're just four friends.

@jikanyahana

The five of them had met in U.A. They were all students. Kanta was a transfer student from Korea at the time. They became great friends – and life had suited them all as they all graduated with great marks and got their hero licences. Oboro, Shota and Hizashi created their agency like Oboro had declared one night on the rooftop that they were going to do!

Kanta, however, returned to Korea to follow a different dream. He wished to be an idol. His friends encouraged him, saying that he would be great. It just meant that Oboro and Kanta never had the opportunity to pursue a relationship. It was obvious to everyone that they had feelings for each other and wanted to be with each other but it didn’t happen. They were too preoccupied with school.

It was a shame, and one that Oboro never really recovered from, as anyone else he tried to date never compared to Kanta. When they started to drift apart after he returned to Korea, he almost was grateful. Grateful because it made him not long for ‘what ifs’ like he had before he had moved.

The more that he tried to force himself not to think about Kanta, the easier it got, but once the news shouted his name at him all over again and told him of the hell that the idol had been through, unfortunately it was no longer something he could ignore. He knew that he needed to see Kanta… and it wasn’t just him. It was Shota, Hizashi and Nemuri too. They all had to see him. Given the scandal (for a lack of a better word) that had been blared over the news and printed in the papers. There was so much to unravel and talk about.

Kanta’s father had gone berserk. He had attacked his family. Murdered Kanta’s mother and attempted to murder Kanta. They had never really known that there were issues back home for the idol when they knew him. He barely talked about his parents. Perhaps this was why. If he was abusive then why would he want to talk about them?

So, to find out more, the group had decided that they would save up money from their pro-hero work and the job that Nemuri had on the side teaching at U.A as their Modern Hero Art History teacher. They saved up enough to take the four of them not only to Korea but to one of Kanta’s concerts. Not an easy fete. It was expensive. The travel alone was the longest to save up for – but his concert was almost as expensive being how famous he was and they needed to get to see him, so had to try their best to get four tickets for a meet and greet with him.

They had finally managed to save up as much as they needed to get that.

Oboro had spent much of his time since graduating U.A learning how to speak Korean. He wasn’t fluent, but he knew enough to get around and manage to communicate with those he needed to before, during and after the concert. They were all grateful for the fact that Oboro was a quick learner with languages. They weren’t sure how – but much like a child – he seemed to have an ability to just pick it up.

“It’s gonna take hours to get to the start of the queue!” Oboro groaned as he looked at his friends. They had decided to stay at the back of the queue so not to rouse too much attention. They didn’t want to use any kind of ‘friend’ privilege, and also, they wanted Kanta to have the element of surprise. They didn’t want to startle the Songbird otherwise. “We’ll be here forever.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Nemuri rolled her eyes as she moved her hand and ruffled the long up-standing floofy curls of Oboro’s hair. He pouted and began to fix what she had misplaced, as she looked around. “It’s not too bad and besides. It gives us the chance to think about how we’re gonna play this.” Not that they hadn’t already. Of course they had – they had talked it through over and over and over again. It was just the awkwardness mixed in with nerves that were now causing it to bubble at the surface. They were there now and they had to actually face dealing with seeing Kanta again after all these years.

“Especially if you’re doing all the talking.”

“Don’t remind me.” Oboro responded with a light groan. He knew that the conversation would have to be primarily in Korean. Especially, given where they were and the management/security around Kanta. There was every opportunity that the only one who could speak Japanese there

While he had prepared himself to get decent at Korean, and felt he was (and got plenty of compliments by his tutor) he was still nervous when it came to speaking in Korea. More so, in front of Kanta. He didn’t want to make a fool out of himself in front of someone who he still had a hell of a crush on! How embarrassing that would be.

“What if he doesn’t even recognise us?”

“You do know that we can spot your hair in a crowd right?” Nemuri giggled as she covered her mouth. “You stand out as much as Present Mic here.” She nudged her head at Hizashi. Though she blew a kiss at the loud hero to show that she didn’t mean it as an insult. Midnight loved her boyfriend’s sense of style and how it made him stand out. It just so happened that Oboro was no different. The way that he dressed was very – stand out in the middle of a crowd – like. Just as she was normally when she was in her hero outfit. (Sure not as much as when she used to go around without her suit on!)

Nemuri was the one that would be less than likely noticed with the fact that she wasn’t in hero outfit, her hair was tied up and she had more than a single layer of clothes on! No one would be able to tell that she was who she was unless you were used to being around her when she was being a civilian, and most of the time that would have been only the three guys with her now… and only because she was practically dating two of them.

“Hey, look,” The R-Rated Hero nudged Loud Cloud in the ribs with her elbow. He turned at her exasperated at her nonsense before shaking his head and tickling her forehead. “We’re half way there now.” And, there Midnight gave him a grin and he looked around surprised at how fast the line had gone down. Kanta’s manager must have been trying to get albums signed fast and the fans out. Maybe they were running out of time.

Måneskin: "Different from whom?"

Greetings from Miley Cyrus - phenomenal numbers.

The streams of Zitti e Buoni are growing by the second, and ahead of Muse, on the top of the English charts, twelfth in the Spotify Global Chart. We almost tripled followers after Rotterdam (from 1.4 to 3.3 million, ed). Contagious and universal madness: T-shirts and merchandise sold out in 10 minutes. Like records, tickets for a tour that adds dates and expands on maps. They are even looking for us in festivals where the Rolling Stones have played. - Thomas

After the whole cocaine scandal that was started against us from France, which was later denied by my drug test, in Spain there people have been making murals with my face saying "No drugs". Some tweets made us laugh: «Congratulations, Italy! I have never been so sure that four people have fucked each other ". Miley Cyrus started following us. "You are great". “You are more” . - Damiano

From rags to riches - what a story

It was only 2016, and we were playing in restaurants, on the streets, in via del Corso (famous street in Rome). Damiano without a microphone, Thomas's guitar with broken strings, Ethan drummed on a cajón. At the occupations of the high schools in Rome (Kennedy, Virgilio, Mamiani) we had our first gigs and half an hour of fame, between those who criticized us and those who said "these guys are so cool". One of the rare times in which they offered to pay us to play - 50 euros each - we offered that money to those after us, in exchange for the chance to play during their time slow, as we knew there would have been a bigger crowd. We already understood then how it worked. That visibility was worth more than the money. We still think so ». - Victoria

The intimacy of rock - Choice of a genre

Music allows is this miracle which allows one to talk about very personal and private topics, even difficult and delicate ones. They are and remain deeply yours, but at the same time they become a confession that reaches a wider audience, and in this passage which is like a delivery, they also find their place in you, their elaboration. They are overcome, they are accepted. One moment it feels aggressive, one moment later a (soft) ballad. It's very cathartic. - Damiano

Against panic - The stage as therapy

I have suffered a lot from anxiety and panic attacks, it is a problem that I have worked on thanks to a course of psychotherapy, to my friends and family. Playing has helped me not to let myself be paralyzed by my fears, not to be limited in my private and professional life. I have learned to accept, to live with this side of me. I don't hide it. I no longer feel ashamed. - Victoria

This belief that only crazy people go to the psychologist is widespread ignorance. Nobody is born learned. And it is often difficult to understand why we are here, let alone the derivation and direction of our desires. It is a long and legitimate journey towards one's clarity. - Damiano

Essere fuori di testa – Ma diversi da loro (Be out of your mind - But different from them)

Already feeling a strong passion for something that is not a 'regular' profession but an artistic language, it puts you on a level where you're an anomaly, and while you're neither superior nor inferior to others, it places you in the condition of what breaks the mold but you're also being at a loss, leaving it to you to be bold and to take risks, hoping that they will pay off and land you somewhere. "What good is it if you don't stand out on your own?". You want to give it an aesthetic to your artistic dream, but to others it boils down to " You dress differently! You must be gay! ”, I'm 22 now and it makes me laugh, but at 17 it had an effect on me too. - Damiano

The beauty of being unique - Of believing in that and defending it

After all, we are all different not because we want to be alternative but because really no one is the same. Justice is being judged on what you do and not what you are. Justice is equality, respect, beauty. - Ethan

Fluid sexuality - Pride is freedom

We appreciate heels on men, we kiss each other, we have an open, extended mind, and we are proud of it. The horizons become vast, beyond the oppression of conservative families. With information on the web, knowledge is enriched and with it the possibility that minorities will be fewer and fewer, because majorities will be fewer and fewer. This will lower the volume to insults and bullying. If social networks can reach a village of 50 souls to reveal to someone, who is afraid of the darkness, that someone has felt that same fear.. There is no longer the need to give it a name, to define that "something" to fear, to brand it with labels that only limit you. Definitions have always had this effect on me. Gender should not even be considered in a person's judgment. Let alone orientation ". - Victoria

Sexism - A culture to be dismantled

Emma (Italian singer) dropped the bomb:" When I went to Eurovision, they insulted me over a pair of shorts. Damiano - half naked and in heels - was never criticized ". The judgment against women is constant, ferocious, and demeaning (if I have a lot of sex I'm cool but Vic a whore, where I show myself strong I'm a leader she is domineering and pain in the ass, who is successful because only because of her looks [and not the hard work she puts in]). As a male I am privileged, the harassment I suffer is not comparable to that experienced by a woman, the comments on my aesthetics are focused only on my aesthetics and do not insinuate anything about my professionalism and my competence, while women are victims of this kind of thinking in a systemic way. But I did find myself in a situation, out of nowhere, with someone who, pulling close to her for a selfie, started licking my face ... "What do you want, did you ask me?" Consent exists, and it is a must ». - Damiano

To grow as a person - The only rule to follow

For me, to conform is the total opposite of educating oneself, and the asphyxiation of one's expression (of freedom). Fortunately, I did not suffer heavy bullying, to the point where I felt I needed to change to adapt to how others saw me. But the matrix of who I am and the aggression that marks me is the same. If I'm a kid who dances and loves dolls, then allow me the freedom to do so. I used to be a kid who wanted long hair and played with Barbies. My friends, as a teenager, looked my long hair and teased me: "You have to find yourself a girl with a short hair to make up for it". My grandparents took the dolls away from me and said: “Stop it, they're not for you” ». - Ethan

“I was six and I already could not tolerate the distinctions between masculine and feminine. I've always had strong ideas about how I wanted to be. I refused things typically defined as feminine as a child, and they made fun of me for skating, for playing soccer, for not wearing skirts, for giving myself the chance to be as I wanted to be. I suffered a little, as I was bullied, but I had courage to stay true to myself, and today thanks to that courage I know that I could have been much more hurt, or I would have risked leaving the most important decision to others: the one about being just me". - Victoria

Love - music and girlfriends

I've been married to music for the past 20 years. I cannot wait to celebrate our golden wedding anniversary. - Ethan

Everyone goes through their own experiences, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but it's never other people's business." - Thomas

When, for the first time, I developed feelings and attraction for a girl it was a bit disorienting because I had never had the courage to go beyond the limitations I had imposed on myself. For society, being heterosexual is the norm and therefore often one automatically pegs himself in that way, giving up the freedom to experience many different shades and facets of love. Once I got over the initial insecurity of having to question one's own certainties, I lived my sexuality in a very natural and free way, as it should be for everyone. - Victoria

I had paparazzi under my house morning and night. So, after four years of relationship, I finally revealed her name. I still have the paparazzi under my house morning and night, but at least I don't have to hide anything anymore. - Damiano

The value of the group - Protecting each other

But the real relationship, the real family, is between us. Our band. We believed in it from the first day, even before calling ourselves Måneskin (moonlight in Danish), even before Ethan drew a giant moon, on the poster for our first concert. We share everything, even the pain of the tragedy of Seid Visin, who committed suicide at 20 because he was a victim of racism. Being a group is what we should all do together: stay united and not retreat in the slightest in the face of abuses generated by a distorted vision of someone "being different|. - Thomas

Non ho l’età – like Gigliola (It references Gigliola Cinquetti who won both Sanremo and Eurovision with her song "Non ho l’età" which translates to Not old enough)

Before us, the only one to win Sanremo and Eurovision together was Gigliola Cinquetti (in 1964). Is there is something for which I feel I am not yet old enough for? No, honestly no. Maybe for kids. I'll be honest, I'm not enough to be a dad. - Damiano

Reached the sky - What fears still remain

We are more than in the dream, we have conquered the dream. To fly high this high, there is the risk is to fall and get hurt, but we will try not to end up like Icarus, who burns his wings with the sun. Everything is in our hands. And this - somewhat presumptuously - reassures us rather than frighten us ". - Damiano

(ORIGINAL INTERVIEW IN ITALIAN)

[Please note that I have changed some words or structure sentence, trying to make it so that the interview made more sense lol - I skipped the first two paragraphs, which was basically the interviewer gushing over how pretty the band is lmao (relatable).

Any mistakes in the translation are sorely mine, nothing was proofread, so apologies in advance]

Class 1-A relationship headcanons

Part 2 - https://cherry-cake-pies.tumblr.com/post/640893672076001280/class-1-a-relationship-headcanons

Part 1 - https://cherry-cake-pies.tumblr.com/post/640877154337538048/mha-relationship-headcanons-class-1-a

Fluff

Mezou Shouji

Best hugs ever

I mean what else is he gonna do with all those arms? Fight villains?

Y/n is the only one who can call him by his first name

Shouji is super tall and y/n just calls him “Mezou McTallMan”

He has like 5 million IQ and plays chess with y/n and they just sit their feelin stupid cause they keep losing

Shouji and Tokoyami are best friends and then when him and y/n get together all three of them are best friends and it’s adorable

Y/n never really cared about the mask but was like “hey you don’t need to take it off if you don’t wanna”

And it melted Shouji’s heart that they were fine with it

Thier hair is always ruffled because of how much he messes with it

They just don’t bother anymore

He doesn’t like getting to much attention so for events they have little at home/ in the dorm party’s with just a few other kids

He 100% takes advantage of how scary he can look

If someone is trying to get at y/n he will look at them with the most haunting glare in the world

(*cough* Mineta *cough* *cough*)

Kyouka Jirou

Rockin out to rock but also crappy 2000’s pop music at three am

Jirou will just be sitting beside y/n as they mess with her lobes

Y/n is as much as a crackhead as the rest of the Bakusquad so they all get along great

Bakugo has almost stabbed both of them for kissing in public and being affectionate in public

Coming back to the dorms all sweaty from going to a concert and jumping around for four hours straight

Has the hardest time trying to teach y/n how to play everything because it hurt their ~delicate fingers~

Leaning on each other’s backs and listening to music sharing ear buds 😫

Getting records and hanging them on each other’s walls and painting them if they don’t like the songs 💜

She has a ton of vintage art/ band hoodies and they just share them at some point because they keep stealing them from each other

Going to the arcade with Denki and Kirishima and whoever else wants to come

Y/n always says Jirou has a “out shine the stars smile” and she becomes a blushing mess every time

She’s not very good at comforting :(

She tries tho

She’s great honestly

Hanta Sero

He asks y/n if he annoys them and y/n legit feels so bad like “I love u so much don’t you dare think that>:(“

He likes saving up for dates and going to fancy restaurants and stuff but he’s fine with small inexpensive dates

They’ve gone to sixflags at least ten times and they have definitely broke a whole ride from messing around with his tape

That couple where even before they were dating they were dating

Jokingly kissing each others hand/ cheeks, cuddling up to each other, always asking if the other was going somewhere too, that kinda stuff

Hammock cuddles

I think you understand

Prank war in the whole dorm and y/n and Sero are the kings (or queens) (or non-binary royalty) of it

Bakugo has declared war on them multiple times but never goes on it because of how hard they go

Everyone has said it, you know it

Spider man kisses

He has almost passes out from the blood rushing to his head before

if Mineta walks up to y/n from behind he will tape him up and they can’t have a normal conversation without Sero glaring at him

So many inside jokes

Once y/n put his hair in a bun or something and he was like :0 “oh my god there’s a world without hair in ur face”

Sometimes either of them will sneak in the others dorm in the morning before they wake up and put sunglass on them or draw on their face

“This reminds me of u” insert simp meme

This boy will make sure y/n is always holding his werid long lanky hands

They teach Todoroki what “Yeet” means and now they all use it all the time unironically

Fumikage Tokoyami

👏head 👏scratchys 👏

Y/n has to get him a nightlight so Dark Shadow doesn’t go wild in the middle of the night

Huge edge lord y/n is his only soft spot

Watch dumb vampire movies

They binged all the Twilight movies in one night and everyone makes fun of them for kinda unironiclly liking it

I know Halloween is only really a american thing but they 100% have Halloween party’s at the dorms

They’d set up the whole thing

Y/n gets him black nail polish and skull rings and edgy everything

He has a box that takes up like half his closet of just gifts from y/n

He doesn’t do gifts as much as just spending time with y/n

He does love the gifts tho

Give each other plenty of space

Just say “hey I wanna be alone for a bit” and he’ll be gone in a second

He’s always the little spoons cause he’s scared of peaking their eyes out accidentally

They didn’t keep the relationship a secret they just aren’t very physically affectionate to each other

So one day Shouji is like “oh are you crushing on y/n? Like you are really nice to them and they give you stuff”

And he sits there like “dude we’ve been together for months how do you not know”

And then they are like maybe we should announce it just to make sure? So they do that and the whole class is in shock that they were together for so long and no one noticed

Jokingly calls Tokoyami “Emo Peacock” 

You can’t tell me they try to do the Waltz as a joke but get really into it and do it whenever they hear any music now

Jirou could literally be playing hard core rock or heavy metal and they’ll be doing the waltz to it

Dark Shadow low key feels like a third wheel sometimes but then y/n give him a tight hug and he feels appreciated

Shouto Todoroki

Feeding the simps

So ya know that thing in the notes app where you can share notes? Yeah they share one of those where they list things they hate about Endeavor and after a month they are already on a thousand

Just sit in the same room

Could be doing anything not even envolving the other but it’s nice just to have the other there

Protecting the girls from Mineta together ❤️👏👏

at first it honestly just seemed like they were really good friends because they kept it a secret (mostly cause if it got out to the public Endeavor would find out and probably try to break them up)

Even in private they would just kiss the others cheek or forehead and hold hands and that’s the only difference

He talks to his mother about y/n a lot and she is so excited to meet y/n

She has really high expectations just because of how good they sound but does take in that Shouto is literally in love with them, he’s gonna have slight rose tinted glasses

Yeah their just as good as Todoroki made them out to be

When he told y/n about his childhood (endeavor, his mom, his scar, Dabi…) y/n cried because they felt so bad and cuddled him all day trying to help any way they could

They totally made him go to therapy 😌

Has a written down list of thing they said they like so he can get them one if they feel down

He has literally bought them a cat when they were feeling really down and y/n had to explain that he can’t just go and buy a cat when their feeling bad

They keep it tho don’t worry

He’ll turn off the air conditioning when he wants y/n’s affection

They’ll just come running at him and tackle him so he can warm them up/ cool them down

Expect goodnight texts

Make custom memes about how bad of a parent Endearvor is

Legit the start of Todoroki crushing on them overhearing them tell a friend that they don’t think Endearvor is a good hero/ deserves to be number 1

Once asked All Might to adopt Todoroki (I mean he thought about it for a second before Aizawa told him no)

Todoroki let’s y/n cook stuff on his left side

Deku will just wake up in the morning smelling eggs and think someone’s cooking but find y/n cracking eggs onto Todoroki’s left side

My Celebrity Childhood Friend

Warnings: minor character death, sad feels

Venti x GN!Reader

2k Words

Many years ago, when you were eight years old, you had two very close friends. Their names were Venti and Himmel. The three of you did everything together. You were very close. All of you thought your friendship would be forever and that you would always be close. But, unfortunately, that's not what happened.

One day you and Venti received the news that Himmel had passed away. It was really difficult for both of you to accept the reality of his death, grieve, and move on with your lives. In the end, you couldn’t even help each other. Spending time together only reminded you of how Himmel wasn’t there anymore.

Eventually Venti just couldn’t take it anymore. So his family moved out. Losing Himmel had hurt, but losing Venti too reopened the almost healing wound in your heart. He didn’t even say goodbye because he thought he’d chicken out if he did. And so there you were, friendless, hurt, and feeling very, very alone.

Your only solace was in practicing the piano. The three of you had all been learning instruments and playing together before. The idea was to become a band of sorts together and play music professionally. Himmel played violin, Venti played guitar, and you played piano. Playing the piano was all you had left of them, so you continued playing and practicing it.

Years pass and you move on as much as you can. You make new friends and try new things. Piano is still important to you but you do new things now too. But even with all of this, there’s a part of you that left with Venti and Himmel. The hurt in your heart is no longer a gaping wound. Yet the pain has never truly gone away.

Then one day you hear a familiar voice on the radio. That voice and guitar combo sounded very familiar. It was a good song and you enjoyed listening to it, but you just couldn’t get the feeling of familiarity out of your mind. However, once the radio host introduced the song, you immediately understood. “And that was Soaring Bird by The Bard. Venti really did himself proud on this one…,” they continued, but you were no longer listening.

Venti was on the radio! What could this mean? You hurriedly took out your phone and ran a search. There he was, Venti, also known as The Bard, is a singer/songwriter who rose to fame after a stint on a television talent show a couple months ago. Well, what do you know? Your childhood friend has followed your childhood dream.

Part of you feels left behind, but you accepted that had happened years ago. So instead you decided to be supportive! Suddenly you have a new favorite singer and you just have to have all his albums. Physical copies, so you can display them. Your bedroom walls are covered with posters.

You now have more The Bard themed t-shirts than you have regular shirts. There’s a concert of his you can go to? You’re there. You promote him with everyone you know. If you hadn’t converted your friends to the truth of Venti supremacy they probably would have gotten sick of your antics by now. Instead they’re almost as invested as you are.

When he finally releases a new album you are thrilled. It’s been almost a year since he released his last one and you’ve been starving for new content. You are first in line to the store to buy the album and listen to it as soon as possible. Track one through four are fantastic and you enjoy them a lot! But then track five starts to play.

It’s more melancholy and nostalgic than other songs he has written. And then you hear the words. The words touch your heart, soothing and healing some of the pain that has remained. At the end he takes a moment to dedicate it to his childhood friend, to you. Not by name, but you know what he means by “my old childhood friend”. You’re tearing up.

I’m sorry I was too blind to see

That you were suffering as much as me

You were left behind, I was moving on

And you were left to carry on

It wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair

That I chose to just leave you there

We’re not really close now, are we

But I just want to say I’m sorry

You listened to it over and over again, crying in your room. Maybe it was stupid but that was something you didn’t even know you’ve been wanting to hear for years. Knowing that he felt bad about leaving you behind and hearing an apology from him meant the world to you.

And it just so happens that the song he dedicated to you is your friends’ new favorite song. If they didn’t know about your history with him before, then they sure know now. You’re still struggling to not cry every time it plays. Sure, maybe some of your dirty laundry was now being aired all around the world. But that wasn’t important.

What was important was that your heart was finally able to heal. You were truly able to feel happy again, for the first time since you were eight years old. Life had color again. There was more of a bounce to your step. Your friends noticed that your smiles even seemed more real now.

So when you learned that Venti would be doing an album signing event, you just knew you had to go. And you knew just which album you wanted to have signed. Now all you could think about was getting the album signed. How would he react to seeing you again? Would he recognize you? You really hope he does. It would really hurt if he doesn’t.

All of a sudden you’re now worrying if this is a good idea at all. Your friends managed to convince you to go, but you were really close to not going at all. And even now that you’re here at the signing you’re half considering running away. But instead you steel your courage and get in line.

You try not to think about it as the line slowly creeps forward. Making small talk with those around you in line might help, but you’re too nervous to even try social interaction. You’re twentieth in line, then tenth, then fifth, then second. Now it’s your turn and you approach the table he’s sitting at to sign the albums.

He’s wearing a white button up shirt, green slacks, and a green beanie with a flower on it. He’s dyed the tips of his braids teal and wears some light makeup to bring out the color of his eyes. You suddenly feel very underdressed as you anxiously walk up and hand him the album.

“Hi Venti,” you say softly. “It’s good to see you again.” He looks up sharply and freezes for a second, wide eyed. “Oh my gosh!” He exclaims, jumping up out of his seat. “It’s so good to see you again! It’s been so long!” You smile, feeling more comfortable and sure of yourself now that you know he recognizes you.

Someone behind him clears their throat and sits back down. “I can’t really talk right now,” he admits, sheepishly. “We don’t want to hold up the line, but hold on a sec.” He opens the album and scribbles something on the inside of the opaque cover. “That’s my number,” he whispers quietly to you. “Text me later, okay? I’ll get back to you when I can.”

You nod and move on, only realizing he didn’t actually sign the case until you were down the hall from where he was signing. Laughing a little, you sit down on a bench and pull out your phone. That was such a Venti-like thing for him to do. Sometimes he would get so excited that he’d forget what he was supposed to be doing.

Opening your texting app, you typed in his number and sent him a message.

You: Hi! Is this the right number? I’m the one you wrote song number five about.

It took a couple hours for him to reply. Which is very understandable considering how he was probably signing albums for a while.

Venti: Yes! This is the right number! It’s so good to hear from you again :)

Venti: And I’m so glad you heard that song

Venti: I really am sorry about leaving like that

You: I won’t lie and say that it’s fine, because it really hurt that you left like that

You: But I really appreciate your song that you wrote for me. I cry every time I hear it

Venti: Oh no! I didn’t mean to make you sad :(

You: Happy tears, Venti. They’re all happy tears

Venti: Oh, okay, that’s good :)

Venti: Want to come eat lunch with the staff and me?

Venti: They’re all really curious about you

Venti: The mysterious childhood friend I wrote a whole song about

You: Sure! How do I find you?

Venti: You don’t! Where are you? I’ll send someone to pick you up ;)

You send him your location and wait around for someone to come pick you up. After a while a nicely dressed woman approaches you and gestures for you to follow her. She leads you to a car and drives you to a restaurant. A waiter takes you to one of the closed off rooms for group events.

Approximately two seconds after the door is closed, you are hug tackled to the floor. Venti cheerfully cheers your name right into your ear. You grumble good naturedly and swat at him until he laughs and gets off you. He offers his hand, you take it, and he helps you stand up. Some chuckles from the staff tell me they’re just as amused as he is by the situation.

This sets the tone for your lunch. It’s lighthearted and you have a great time getting to know each other again. He introduces the staff and they admit they’ve been curious about his childhood friend he wrote a song about. You enjoy eating lunch with them a lot, and all of you are disappointed when you have to go.

You continue to chat as long as you can while preparing to leave. As you’re gathering your stuff to go, you come across the album that he never actually signed. “Oh yeah,” you laugh. “Venti, you never actually signed my album!”

“Whoops! I’ll sign that right now.” He declares. “Though I must admit that I feel a little awkward signing stuff for you.” Finishing writing with a flourish, he hands the album back to you. “But I guess I better get used to it,” he continues. “You better bring the rest of the albums next time!”

Your smile is so bright that he has to squint for a moment.. “I’m looking forward to it already.” You say. “See you later?” He beams right back. “Yep! I’ll let you know the next time we can meet up!”

The grin stays on your face all the way home.

You meet up whenever you can after that, though your schedules don’t always match up enough to allow it. Video calls are common when he goes on tour. It’s like the two of you never split. And eventually your friendship becomes something more.

“Hey, could I ask you a question?” Venti asks you over a video call one night. He’s acting a little funny, nervous with a dash of hope and excitement. “Would you like to go out with me sometimes? Like a date?” You chuckle, amused. “Venti, you’re on tour right now. It’s not like we could go out to dinner or something.”

“You’re right that we can’t go out to dinner together, but we could eat at the same time over a video call! I’ll even call and order food for you or something!” Venti plans. “Sure,” you agree. “I think I’d like that.” He pumps his fist in the air. “Yes!” He shouts. “I’m gonna make this the best long-distance date ever!”

And so he does.

In The Eye Of The Beholder

Chapter 3

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Pairing: Commander Wolffe x reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Oral (m and f receiving), mild anti-clone sentiments,

Summary: Commander Wolffe returns to Coruscant for a check in appointment for the study, and scores another date with you!

As time passes the irritated skin around the scar crossing Wolffe’s face begins to fade. He’s back on deployment now, somewhere in the galaxy leading his troops and carrying out orders. But he is still part of the study on the effectiveness of his prothesetic, he obviously can’t come in for case study updates in person, so instead he has scheduled holo calls with you.

The holocalls should really only take about fifteen minutes, thirty if he’s experiencing issues that require scheduling an in person appointment for adjustment or troubleshooting. But each call lands up being closer to an hour, or two depending on how much time he could truly get away with not being on duty.

You talk about your job, he talks about the war effort. You tell him funny stories from your time studying in medical school. He tells you about the stupid things he’s witnessed various memebrs of his squad (and other battalions) do. You describe what it was like growing up on your homeworld. He describes growing up with three million siblings on a planet that never had a day without rain. Food, music, sleeping habits, things you love, things you hate. The two of you never struggle to find something to talk about.

When he isn’t talking to you on holocalls, you’re always on his mind. Every little thing he sees and does, he finds himself thinking of what kind of comment you would make on the situation. Would you laugh at his brother's antics, or scold them alongside him? What advice would you provide when he is faced with a tough decision? He finds himself looking up into the night sky when stationed on far away planets and wondering just how much distance is between the two of you at this moment, and how long would it be before he could close that distance?

His answer comes sooner than he expected it would. General Plo informs him that the battalion will be returning to Coruscant for the purpose of several squads being transferred or reassigned to the battalion as well as the General needed to attend a series of council meetings in person. General Plo also mentioned that it would be best if he contacted you to schedule a check in for his prosthetic.

Briefly Wolffe wondered if the General knew of his evening he spent off the base with you, but ultimately decided two things. He probably did not, the General is a busy man with many responsibilities, too many to notice the comings and goings of every trooper (or commander) that serves under him. And, even if he did, he didn’t care.

Wolffe uses the excuse to schedule a case study appointment to take over an hour to himself in his quarters talking to you on the coms. He tells you he is returning to Coruscant, and he’ll be stationed there for at least four days. Internally he debates asking you outright to go out with him again. He doesn’t normally get much enjoyment from going out to the bars, but he had so much fun dancing with you last time. To his delight you beat him to the punch.

“So, if you’re gonna be planetside for a little while would you consider coming with me to see some live music and have a couple drinks?” You ask with a hint of heat creeping up into your cheeks. You’ve been looking forward to taking a night off to enjoy this free outdoor concert, but if Wolffe could come with you it would be all the more special.

The grouchy commander with a charming smile and quick wit has grown on you. After he tried to leave before, you were afraid that you’d made a mistake inviting him back to your apartment for sex. But he’s proven you wrong in the last couple months. He’s eager and engaged in your biweekly holocalls. And moreso, he seems eager to see you again.

“I could go for some music and drinks. You gonna dance with me again?” he teases

“Get enough drinks in me and you just might get your wish, commander”

In a few days time, you hear from him that he’s arrived on Coruscant and he’s looking forward to seeing you. Unfortunately you can’t get away from work the first day he’s planetside, with your date scheduled for the second day of his shore leave. You’re distracted throughout that day, thinking about seeing him again. You briefly considered comming him at the end of your shift to invite him back to your apartment. But you decide against it, he’s probably enjoying some downtime with his brothers or by himself, and he’s already agreed to spend time with you tomorrow.

Your assumption is partially correct. He is spending some downtime with his brothers in the barracks in the Coruscant base, they’re passing around a bottle of spotchka playing drinking games. Wolffe is having a good time, but he would honestly rather be with you.

The next morning he turns up at your office in his officers uniform for his case study appointment. You welcome him inside in a professional manner, but the second the door is closed you take his hand and lean up to kiss his cheek.

“Welcome back Commander,”

The appointment is relatively quick, just a series of eye movement tests and a questionnaire on symptoms and side effects he’s experienced since having the prosthetic placed. Though it does take all of your concentration to focus on actually collecting the data and not getting sidetracked by flirty conversation. There will be time enough for that later.

When the appointment is finished, you excuse yourself to go to the fresher and change into something more appropriate for spending the day out. You returned looking lovely in a comfortable but stylish outfit. You lock up your office and the two of you set out for the day. The concert isn’t until later in the afternoon, leaving plenty of time to stroll through the various levels of the city.

As you go along, you begin to notice more and more eyes on the pair of you. Many civilians are of the opinion that the clones should not be permitted to spend their off hours among the population of civilized planets. People are afraid of them, bred for war… the words scary, hostile, and unstable often get thrown around. You make a point to keep in step with Wolffe and enjoy every moment of your time with him. People can stare all they want, you’ve been looking forward to this.

The pair of you arrive at the outdoor venue and find a high table that gives you a good view of that stage without being too close. You order drinks and finger food to snack on while you wait for the concert to start. The sun is quickly setting, the lights meant to illuminate the stage and patio come on.

Wolffe looks dashing in his officers uniform, but you can’t decide if it is more or less comfortable than the armor. You’ll have to ask him later, because now the musicians are starting to play. The music is fun and lively, loud enough to drown out the two of you talking and laughing, but not loud enough you can’t hear each other like at the club last time.

Wolffe didn’t initially think going to see live music in a small venue like this would be enjoyable, he’s not really a music person as it is. But he has a great time, music is so much better hearing it in person, and all the more fun when you have a pretty date who likes to dance after a couple drinks.

It’s not raunchy sexually motivated dancing like before, though that was fun too, your dancing tonight is playful and fun. Your smile shines bright under the twinkling patio lights as he spins and dips you. When the concert ends there is applause from the audience thanking the musicians for their fantastic performance. Wolffe is almost disappointed the show is over, if he had it his way he would get to twirl you around and make you laugh all night long.

Well… that might still be an option in another sense.

Your apartment isn’t too far away, so you walk with your hand in the crook of his arm back to your place. When you get inside you offer him a glass of wine, and sit together in your living room.

“Thanks for coming out with me tonight,” you say warmly

“How could I say no? I love to see you dance,” he replies with a hint of a smirk. You lean in a little and hold his gaze with lips ever so slightly parted, an invitation if he’s willing to accept it.

He does, closing the gap between you to smooth his lips over yours in a kiss. You taste the wine on his lips, dark and sweet. You let your jaw slack a little as his tongue gently pushes past your lips to explore your mouth. Warmth pools low in your tummy, the hand he has placed at your waist is distracting since his thumb slowly stroking over the bottom curve of your breast. But you stay focused, you’ve got something in mind for tonight.

Breaking away from the kiss you make your move, pushing him away from you and back into the couch. “I want to do something for you,” you say in a low sultry tone, hoping he’d trust you enough to lead. He quirks a brow, curious as to your intentions.

You slide off the couch and settle yourself at his feet, pushing his knees open. He eyes you with an air of caution “You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” he says. But damn does he want it, just the sight of you slipping down between his legs already has him half hard.

You run your hands up the outsides of his thighs, and curl your fingers around the top of his trousers. “I want to do this”

He nods and settles back with a smirk “You were planning this weren’t you?” He growls as you work his pants off. You give him an innocent look and bat your eyelashes teasingly. You free his cock from his grays, curving up towards his stomach, hard in anticipation.

You reach out and take him in your hand, licking a stripe up the underside of his shaft and closing your lips over the head. He lets out a groan as you take him deeper into your mouth, sucking as you go.

“Such a good girl taking my cock” he groans.

You begin bobbing your head clinging to his thighs for support. You could feel yourself getting wet with arousal too, his groans and praise getting to you. You use your hand to pump the base of his cock you can’t get to with your mouth, and the other to start massaging his balls. His grunts and moans began getting louder and more desperate.

“I’m close” he moaned “Go on baby, finish me off”

You took him down into your throat, as deep as you could before starting to gag and sucked at him, coaxing him over the edge. You could feel him tightening up, his feral grunts and moans becoming erratic and unrestrained. You pull off of him about half way and open your mouth wide, stroking his cock in quick firm movements. His head drops back onto the couch, grunting and panting as he cums into your waiting mouth.

His head snaps back forward, eyes taking in the sight of you with his cum painted over your lips and in your pretty mouth. He leans forward, reaching out to pinch your cheeks between his thumb and forefinger. You poke your tongue out just a bit, and let him admire the sight of his release.

“Swallow it” he growls

You respond by licking your lower lip and drawing your tongue back into your mouth swallowing whatever you hadn’t already. He surges forward and crashes his lips down on yours. He pulls you up from your spot on the ground, and into his lap. His hands are everywhere, roaming down your back, over the curve of your ass, around to your tummy and up to cup your breasts through your pretty little shirt. He finally breaks the kiss, panting from exertion but still riled up.

“Let me return the favor,” he growls, flipping you over, taking you down to lay back on the couch. He takes his time, peeling off your pants, stripping your top off, and undoing the clasps of your bra. He leans over and kisses you again with a kind of intensity you’ve never experienced before. It’s not exactly rough, it’s hungry and desperate. His hands massage your breasts, deftly rolling your nipples between his fingers. You moan into the kiss.

“You like that baby?” He trails his lips down your neck, and kisses them hollow at the base. You wiggle your hips, the wetness pooling in your nether regions becoming a little uncomfortable. He chuckles darkly, and resumes kissing his way down your body. He stops just at your panty line, looking up at you with a bit of mischief in his eyes.

Without breaking eye contact, he carefully bites the waistband of your panties and begins to drag them down. Your breath hitches at the sight, and you lift your hips up just a bit to help him get them off. When he gets them down to about your knees, he releases them from between his teeth and uses one hand to tear them away.

Then he’s leaning back down, and leaving a trail of wet kisses and little bites from the inside of your knee up your leg, getting closer and closer to where you need him most. His hands slide up the backs of your thighs and lifts you about an inch or two off the couch to his waiting mouth.

His tongue slides between your folds and he begins to lap at your wetness. He teases your aching hole with the most tantalizing strokes of his tongue, switches it up by nosing his way up to your clit and suckling at it, squeezing your ass and moaning into you.

You’re moaning, panting, flushed with heat and getting closer and closer to a release.

“Wolffe,” you moan “please… please… please… make me cum”

He glances up and sees your eyes have fluttered shut, your head tipped back and chest heaving with strained breath. He speeds his movements, suckles at your clit with alternating flicks of his tongue and groans at the sounds of your pleasure.

Your hands twist around the edge of the sofa cushions, needing something to cling onto as your climax overtakes you. Your moans and whimpers stall out, and your voice cuts off as you cum. Your legs tremble in his hold, signaling him to slow down his movements and pull away from your glistening cunt as you come down from your high.

He crawls back over you, catching your lips in another kiss. You taste yourself on him, and come back to reality.

“Stars….” you whisper, breaking the kiss “You didn’t tell me you had a secret talent, Commander”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a secret would it?” He kisses you again, the desperation has subsided but the hunger is still there.

“You gonna try to take off on me or are you sticking around for breakfast tomorrow?” You tease him. You get the feeling he knew he was welcome to stay again, but still make the joke just in case.

“If the offer is on the table?” He quirks an eyebrow at your comment, and gives you a smirk.

On the table you think to yourself maybe next time….

Tag List: @ems-alexandra @thefact0rygirl @ajeff855

Big Break

Request: Can I request a Luke x reader with like 1995 Luke and Y/N where reader has a concert and invites her friends and boyfriend (not Luke as BF yet 😪😂) and she’s really nervous and looks for her boyfriend before hand but doesn’t see him and learns he didn’t want to come so Luke (who is her BFF and completely in love with her and her him) supports her and calms her down and after the concert she breaks up with her boy and dates Luke ~ @im-a-writer-right​

Word Count: 3.5k

P.S. Sorry for the fic spam today. My TVD and 100 fics were scheduled for today. and I just really wanted to get this one out.

Tonight is the biggest night of your life. You booked a gig that could give you your big break. You were opening up for one of your friend’s band, Twisted Island, who has a contract with one of the biggest record labels, Sub Pop Records. You were so nervous you practically didn’t sleep the night before. Luckily, one of your friends gave you some melatonin to make you practically pass out. 

You look to your computer to find a message on AOL  from your boyfriend, Tyler. 

Tyler: Morning 

You: Morning

Tyler: Meet @ Moonshine Cafe in1 hr. I want to spend time with you before work

You: Ok, love. See you soon

Tyler: See you soon <3

Your boyfriend wasn’t only one of your oldest friends from LA but also an emerging music artist. He was the one who helped you land the gig, on top of your friends who you were opening for. He knew some other big record labels and invited them to your show. In case you didn’t land a deal with Sub Pop Records you had the other labels you could possibly sign with.

You get up to shower and get ready to meet your boyfriend. You hop in your car and head to the cafe. Not long after your boyfriend arrived. You gave him a big kiss and head to get seated. Of course, Tyler pulled some strings so you two could be seated at their private table. 

“These are for you, for good luck,” Tyler says and hands you some flowers.

“Awe, thank you,” You smile.

“I’m sorry I can’t help you prep more for tonight. I just can’t miss out on this collaboration with Madonna,” Tyler says.

“It’s ok. It’s an amazing opportunity, I’m excited for you. But you can make it for soundcheck right? It’s at five and I got you a backstage pass,” You say pulling out a lanyard.

“Yes. We should be done between 3:30-4,” Tyler says taking the pass from your hands. 

“So how many songs are you gonna record with Madonna?” You ask.

“Not sure. Today we’re just writing some. I’m hoping for at least two or three,” Tyler says.

“Well, no matter how many you write together. I bet they’re going to be amazing. I can’t wait to hear them,” You say as your food arrives. The two of you spend the rest of the time talking about his collab and your gig before you receive a call.

Luke: Y/N I just woke up. The guys and I are gonna meet at the garage soon.

You: I’ll meet you guys there in 30.

“Who was that?” Tyler asks

“My friend in Sunset Curve, Luke. The guys told me they’d help me prep for tonight so I gotta go soon,” You tell Tyler.

“Those guys are great. I have to go soon too anyways. I need to be at the studio in like an hour. But I wanted to get there a bit early,” Tyler says.

“You always like to please people,” You laugh. 

“You know me too well,” Tyler laughs as a waiter brings boxes over. You pack your leftovers in the box as Tyler pays.

“Thanks again for breakfast,” You say.

“You’re welcome. The best way to start off the day. I’ll see you later tonight,” Tyler says.

“See you tonight. 5 O’clock at The Los Angeles Theatre, don’t forget,” You say.

“I promise, I won’t,” Tyler says and kisses you goodbye. 

You get into your car and head to the Sunset Curve garage. Once you made your way into the garage you find that only Alex and Reggie were there.

“Hey guys,” You say.

“Hey,” The boys say in almost unison. 

“Where’s Luke and Bobby?” You question.

“Bobby is supposed to pick Luke up. He probably slept in,” Alex says.

“I thought Bobby was the punctual and responsible one?” You ask.

“Who says we’re not responsible?” Reggie asks, clearly feeling hurt.

“Me, but you guys did have that gig last night right? How’d that go?” You ask.

“It was great. Reggie even--” Alex starts before he gets slapped in the chest by Reggie.

You raise your eyebrow, “Reggie even what?” You question.

“Dude, just tell her. She’s not gonna give up, you know that,” Alex says.

“I may have had a special night with this girl,” Reggie says quietly.

“Oh yeah? Is this someone you’re gonna see again? Or more like a one-time thing?” You ask.

“I-I don’t know,” Regie says.

“Either way I’m happy for you,” You say. You then hear the doors open and turn to find Luke and Bobby walk in.

“There’s our big shot!” Luke yells before tackling you with a hug.

“Not quite yet. I still gotta play tonight,” You say pulling away.

“Either way. My best friend is getting her big break AKA our big shot,” Luke says.

“What about us?” Reggie asks furrowing his eyebrows.

“We’ll get our shot, but today is about Y/N,” Luke says.

“Aw shucks,” You chuckle. “So I’m playing like five songs and if I’m being completely honest...I haven’t picked them out yet,” You say.

“Well I know ‘Rose’ and ‘Shadows’ are two of my favs,” Luke says.

“‘Constellations’ is also a great one,” Alex adds.

“Those three are at the top of my list,” You say and pull out your music journal.

“What about the song you and Luke wrote together?” Bobby asks.

“‘Red Hearts’? That’s a duet song. I can’t really play that one,” You say.

“Y/N’s right. It’s meant to be sung by two people,” Luke smiles at you.

“I think ‘Bracing for impact’ and ‘Devil’, will fit in with the others then,” Bobby suggests.

“Yeh, but I haven’t played ‘Devil’ more than twice and one of those times was in front of you guys,” You say.

“You are an amazing artist, Y/N,” Luke grasps your arms. “You barely need any practice. Remember when I threw you on stage with us to sing one of our songs?” Luke says. 

“That doesn’t count, Luke. I watch you guys practice all the time,” You point out.

“But you memorized the lyrics,” Alex says.

“Ok...I guess that was impressive. Fine, I’ll do these five. Thanks, guys,” You say. 

“Great! I can’t wait to hear them,” Luke says as the other nod in agreement.

“Oh! Also, I pulled some strings and got you all backstage and sound check passes,” You say pulling four lanyards out.

“Backstage passes to the Los Angeles Theatre?!?” Reggie exclaims taking all four passes from your hand.

“You know the three other passes are for your bandmates right?” You ask.

“Oh. Yeah. I just can’t believe we get to go backstage at the Los Angeles Theatre,” Reggie says handing his bandmates the remaining passes.

“Soundcheck is at five,” You say.

“You know we’ll be there,” Luke says and smiles at you. You and the boys hang out as they practice. 

“Y/N, who are you opening up for again?” Bobby asks.

“Really? My friend whose in Twisted Island. They’re signed with Sub Pop,” You respond.

“Seriously? How did you get this gig exactly,” Alex asks.

“Well, my friend. But Tyler also invited a couple of other labels to see my show,” You say.

“Don’t forget us when you get big,” Luke says.

“How could I? You guys are the ones who told me I should play gigs in the first place,” You say.

“You and Luke have known each other for however long. Why didn’t we invite her to sing with us again?” Reggie asks as everyone in the room gives him blank looks. “What?” He asks.

“Reggie...do you really think that an amazing singer like Y/N would ever want to join Sunset Curve?” Luke says putting his hand on Reggie’s shoulder. 

“In my defense, none of you asked me,” You respond. 

“So is that a yes?” Reggie asks.

“I didn’t know that was an invite,” You say.

“Ok. Hypothetically if we offered...would you like to join?” Reggie asks.

“Uhh...we didn’t have a band meeting about this,” Bobby adds.

“It’s a hypothetical question, but I know I wouldn’t mind,” Luke says.

“I mean she’d be a great addition,” Alex says.

“And she can play a mean guitar. But she might steal your lead singer role, Luke,” Bobby says.

“Why do I feel like I’m being interrogated?” You ask.

“Just answer the question,” Reggie says.

“Ok, ok. Let’s say you offered me today. My answer is, let’s see how tonight goes,” You respond as the boys seem pleased with your answer. “Speaking of tonight, it’s like 3. I need to get ready and then head to the theatre,” You say and get up.

“Alright we’ll see you there,” Luke says as you hug each of the boys.

“5 O’clock. Don’t be late,” You say walking out of the garage.

“We won’t!” Reggie yells.

You head back to your apartment and get ready to head to the Los Angeles theatre. You grabbed your guitar and your accessories and head to the theatre. Once you got there you already heard Twisted Island doing their soundcheck.

“There she is,” Adam, your friend, says as you walk in.

“Hey,” You say setting your stuff down.

“Ready for tonight?” He asks.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be, but I don’t have any choice,” You respond hugging him.

“You’ll do great. You remember Jessie, Shawn, and my brother Mike,” Adam says pointing to the respective band members.

“Yeh, I’m Y/N Y/L/N,” You awkwardly say.

“We’re almost done with our soundcheck. Miles, there, will show you to your dressing room,” Adam says pointing to the man with a headset on.

“Thanks,” You smile as you’re lead to your room. You make your way in and set your stuff down. You first make a call to Tyler, but no answer. A few minutes later you hear a knock at your door.

“You’re up for soundcheck,” Miles says. You grab your guitar and other things and head to the stage. As you were setting up you see the Sunset Curve boys walk in. You stop and go to greet them.

“Hey, guys. I was just setting up,” You say as you hug them.

“This is amazing!” Reggie says excitedly as the others look around in awe.

“This is Adam the lead singer and guitarist in Twisted Island,” You say noticing him and his bandmates walk up. They introduce each other.

“Hey, where’s Tyler?” Luke asks.

“I don’t know. I told him to be here at 5 for soundcheck. I called him but he didn’t pick up. I’m sure his meeting with Madonna is going late,” You say before heading to finish setting up. You play the five songs out while the two band watch. Tyler still hadn’t shown up. 

As you finish your soundcheck, you set your stuff down and go to your dressing room to try and call Tyler again. He didn’t pick up so you decided to leave a voicemail, “ Hey, Ty. I just finished soundcheck. The show starts in 30, hope you’ll be here before I go on,” You say before hanging up.

You hear a knock at your door, “Yes?” You say. The door opens to the four Sunset Curve boys walking in.

“That was amazing,” Luke says.

“And Twisted Island is a cool band,” Reggie adds.

“Not as cool as you,” You say half excitedly.

“You good Y/N?” Luke asks as you look at your phone.

“Yeah. Just uh, waiting for Tyler to get here and a little pre-show jitters. You know, the usual,” You say. Luke notices the sadness in your voice and looks at you with sad eyes, but you don’t notice.

“If your soundcheck sounded that good. Then your show is gonna sound twice as good,” Alex says.

“Thanks,” You say when you get another knock on your door. You open it to find Adam there.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to let you know the theatre is filling and you’re going on in 15,” Adam says.

“Thanks,” You say. “Hey, guys, I’ll be right back,” You tell the boys. You follow Adam to the stage, hoping to see Tyler in the audience.

“Hey, I know you’re gonna do great, and our agent is gonna be impressed. You’ll get some offers tonight,” Adam says.

“Thanks again for this gig. It really means a lot to me,” You say while hugging Adam. 

“You’re welcome. Anything for one of my oldest friends. See you in 15,” Adam says and walks away. You make your way to the edge of the wings and look out to see if you can see Tyler. Yet the reserved seat you had Adam set out was empty. 

You made your way back to the dressing room and check your phone. You find a missed call from Tyler along with a voicemail. You head out of the dressing room to listen since the boys were being quite loud. “Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for soundcheck. Madonna and I just went a bit over with the writing. And then she invited me to a party. I can’t miss out on this opportunity, but I know you’ll do great tonight. Love,” The message said. 

This wasn’t the first time Tyler had missed one of your gigs due to an opportunity he had himself, but this was the first time that it was just for a party. He had always supported you when you needed it, but on a big night like this, where lots of labels were looking at you, was not the night to ditch you. Especially since he personally invited a few himself, they were here but he wasn’t. 

You took a few moments to take a hold of yourself before walking back into the dressing room, but as soon as you walked in you felt the mood change as all of the boy’s eyes landed on you. “You alright?” Luke asks again.

“Yeh, yeh,” You say looking at your phone.

“Hey, guys. Can I talk with Y/N alone?” Luke asks the boys and they quickly made their way out of the room.

Luke walked up to you and took your hands in his, “It’s just us now. Tell me, are you ok?” Luke asks once more.

You take a moment before responding, wishing you could lie but you knew he’d catch it, “N--no. Tyler promised he’d be here. And I was calling him to make sure he’d be here on time. But I just listened to a voicemail saying that he’s going to a party with Madonna instead,” You explain.

“You know I always thought he was a jerk right?” Luke says.

“Luke…” You sigh.

“Seriously. I don’t care what connections he has or if he really got labels to see you play tonight. He never supported you like I have, like the guys have,” Luke says.

“He has though. He’s come to my gigs before,” You say.

“Can you count the number of your gigs he’s attended on both hands? I know you’ve been to way more of his. Look, Y/N. Forget him, he never really cared for your dreams and career. If he really loves you he’d be here tonight instead of going off with Madonna,” Luke says.

“Yo--you’re right. He’s only been to three of my gigs and I’ve been the millions of his. It just makes me nervous with all these big people looking at me,” You say.

“Here,” Luke says letting go of your hands. “I’m gonna give you my bracelet. It’s my lucky bracelet. All your nerves will go away and you’ll kill it tonight. I know it,” Luke says slipping his bead bracelet on your wrist.

“You’re on in 2,” You hear someone outside of the door say. Luke kisses your forehead. You take a big sigh and head to the stage. 

You wait for your cue as you see all of the people in the audience chatting away and the people from the labels scattered through the crowd. Not a moment later you’re told to make your way on stage. You walk on stage and pick up your guitar, you take a big sigh and rub your fingers across the beads on Luke’s bracelet. Once you felt calm enough and your heart started to beat a bit slower you start to strum the chords to your song “Shadows”.

Claps filled the air as you finished,” Thank you. My name is Y/N Y/L/N. That song was called Shadows, it was about me fighting my demons and getting over my stage freight. This next one is called Rose,” You say and start to play your guitar again. You play the last four songs in your set while cheers and claps filled the air. 

“Thank you! My name is Y/N Y/L/N. Here is Twisted Island!” You say after you finish your set. The band members made their way onto the stage.

“Give it up for my good friend Y/N,” Adam says before you head off stage. You watched their show from backstage cheering and clapping with the audience. 

As soon as the show ended you see Twisted Island’s agent walk up to you, “My name is Ashley. That was some great music. I’m glad Adam had you open for them tonight. We’ll be in touch,” She says before walking off. A few more agents had talked to you and offered you some deals or told you they’d also be in contact. 

“You killed it!” Luke yells as he and the boys run up to you.

“Thanks guys,” You say with a big smile.

“Honestly I think you played better than Twisted Island,” Reggie whispers to you.

“You’re only saying that because you’re my friend,” You say.

“It’s true!” Reggie says as you head to the dressing room. 

You and the boys make your way into the dressing room and you find some flowers on the table. You pick up the card and read “Heard you did a great job. Congrats -Tyler” You quickly pick the flowers out and throw them in the trash, right as the boy walked in, they all looked at you confused. 

“They’re from Tyler,” You say nonchalantly. Everyone but Luke looked at you confused. The rest of the boys left, but Luke stayed behind to help you pack up. 

“Thanks for the bracelet. It really helped,” You say starting to take it off.

“Keep it,” Luke says stopping you from pulling it off completely. He then goes to puck your guitar case up and the two of you head to your car. You pack your car up, drop Luke off, and head to your apartment. 

~The next morning~

You wake up to hear a knock at your door. You get up and look in the peephole to find Tyler standing there.

“Hey sweetheart,” Tyler says. “What?” He asks noticing the pissed look you had plastered on your face.

“You missed the biggest night of my life. You’re lucky that a lot of labels are interested in me,” You say monotone.

“Sorry, I just couldn’t--” He starts.

“No. I sick and tired you not supporting me,” You say.

“I’ve been to your gigs,” He says.

“You’ve been to three of the 10 of my gigs. I’ve been to all of yours,” You protest.

“Ok. I’m sorry, how can I make it up to you,” Tyler says trying to step into your apartment, but you stop him.

“I think you’re letting your fame get to your head. And if you can’t support me and be there for me while dealing with your growing fame at the same time. I don’t want to be with you,” You say sternly. 

“Babe,” Tyler says.

“Look. I just landed some of the best offers I could get in life and I can’t have your lack of presence distracting me. So, I’m not really sorry. But we’re done,” You say before shutting the door in Tyler’s face. You didn’t know what to do with yourself after that but you did feel like a big weight lifted from your chest.

A few minutes later someone knocked on your door, “Tyler I told---Oh. Luke,” You say realizing it was someone completely different.

“Hey,” Luke says.

“Hey,” You say quietly while letting him inside.

“You look like you had an eventful morning,” Luke points out.

“You could say that. I...uh, just broke up with Tyler,” You say.

“Really?” Luke questions as you notice his eyes light up and you nod. 

The next thing you know you feel Luke’s hands cup your face and his lips against your own. He quickly pulls away, “ Sorry….I shouldn’t have done that,” Luke says quietly.

“It’s ok. Can I be honest for a second?” You ask.

“Always,” He says.

“I’ve always known you liked me. Don’t rat him out but Alex told me like a year ago,” You say.

“And I’m guessin…” Luke says rubbing the back of his head.

“That you are my best friend and I couldn’t ask for a better guy in my life,” You say before kissing him again.

“So I take it the break up really wasn’t that bad,” Luke says after pulling away.

“Better now that you’re here,” You chuckle. Luke gives you a big smile as you return the same.

A/N: I’m sorry if there are any 1995 inaccuracies. I did my research and tried my best, please don’t hurt me haha. Anyways, I loved writing this and had ideas coursing through my brain the last 2 days. Please let me know what you think and if you would maybe like a part 2, maybe? Thanks again to Ria for requesting and thanks for reading.

They had been lovers - (alex mercer x sibling! reader) + (luke patterson x reader)

words count: 2052

request: no

summary:  Y/N find a huge secret about his brother and need some time alone. But Alex seems to want talking about all of this.

warnings: sadness (?)

a/n : I tried to make this fic gender neutral, I’m not sure I've succeed but I really tried.

If you want to be tagged in my next fic, let me know! Don’t forget to tell me if you've liked it!  

tagged: @standingtalllove​ @happinessinthedarkesttimes​  @asdfghjkl-fanfics  @lukeys-giggle​

The night was beautiful, the clear and dark sky made it possible to see the thousands of small dots twinkling. The stars were multiplying in the sky like the hundreds of thoughts going through your head. You were serene, calm and the immensity of the night did not scare you. You wouldn't trade your seat for anything in the world. Even though your head was full, you had the strange feeling of being emptied. Being alone on this roof didn’t scare you, on the contrary, it washed away all the anxieties that had been created in the hollow of your chest these last hours. After finding out about this secret, you couldn't blame your brother. Or rather, you couldn't be mad at him for that reason. But you were hurt. A twenty-five years silence had been broken, an intimate information Alex had kept deeply for himself, for them. A secret that destroyed the dusts of hope that had formed in your soul since you were fourteen. The theories about twins have never been truer than now: they shared everything, down to the person they had feelings for.

 This will teach you to dig through your old stuff. But could the boys really blame you? The loft was a mess, it was flooded with all your stuff. Rose seemed to have kept everything: some of the boys' clothes - most of which belonged to Luke since he had mostly lived in the garage when he had run away - their instruments, the many songbooks, the demos, the band's banner, but also, countless memories like many Polaroids.

Among the photos that you had browsed to get drunk of the times when the four of you were still alive, you have discovered some more intimate than others. It all started with a photo of Alex asleep on the sofa: "First night", another where you could see two hands intertwined, you recognized Luke's rings. Alex also wore rings, but it was the tricolor bracelet that made you realize it was him with Luke. Another cliché was becoming even more obvious: Luke licking Alex's cheek as your brother grimaced in mock disgust. In the white space of the Polaroid it was written in black felt-tip pen with a messy handwriting: "playing with the handsome boyfriend"

 But it was the last picture that broke your heart. Luke seemed to be the most romantic of the couple, which surprised you a bit as your brother was quite sentimental. The last shot showed the guitarist, supposedly lying on the sofa bed. Around his neck, Alex's blonde head could clearly be seen. He was tight against him, hiding, perfectly asleep. Both were shirtless, which made you uncomfortable looking at the photo. Once again, a note was written on the white space of the polaroid: "a year of love".

 One year. A full year, twelve months of a secret relationship and maybe even more. How long have they loved each other? How long had it lasted? Because you couldn't really deny this information anymore, the photo made it obvious: they had been lovers.

 A distinct pop sound was heard. The sound of a few footsteps on the roof tiles caught your attention, but you didn't move. The movements approached you, a fuzzy pink shape giving you a clue to the disruptor of your thoughts. Soon, the intruder comes to lie down next to you, leaving you overwhelmed by the scent of his cologne. You don't need all these little details to recognize your neighbor on the right. There was only one person who allowed himself to enter into such a private moment: your brother.

 You felt blue and you let the darkness of the night engulf you. The secret that you had discovered explained many things like: this complicity that Alex shared with him and only him, the small touches, the looks that you had sometimes intercepted between the two musicians. You knew now: They had been lovers.

 Silence reigned for several minutes without it being awkward, neither of you or Alex knowing how to start this conversation. Come to think of it, was there really a need to discuss it? It was the drummer who finally broke the silence.

 “y/n…i’m sorry”

 You let out a sigh before smiling weakly into the night. It was typical of your brother: apologizing when there was no need. Alex was a sensitive person and even under his armor of sarcasm he was incredibly gentle.

 “why are you apologizing about, ‘lex?”

“I didn’t know. I’m your brother, your twin, and I didn’t know.”

“I am the one who hides his emotions the best.”

"Why didn't you tell me?"

 Slowly you turned your head to look deeply at your brother. You could see the worry in his eyes but also the regret. This question, you could very well have asked him in return because between you two, it was him who had hidden a huge secret. But you couldn't blame him, it was his right. You didn't have any and that's why you kept your feelings quiet.

 "Because you would have tried to control your feelings to make me happy."

 Alex couldn't lie about it. It didn't matter what he had been through with the guitarist and lead singer of their band. If he had known his sibling had feelings for Luke, he would have suppressed his in a second. Despite your lying positions, you could see him look down, seeming to consider your words. He knew you were right, that he would have done anything for you even if it meant sacrificing his feelings for his best friend.

 "Alex, you have the right to be happy."

 But it was not enough. Your brother was moving his thoughts like you had done a few minutes before. This situation seemed to upset him, like any situation involving change.

 "’Lex ..."

 The blond drummer turned his face to you, lost. You knew you would have to find the right words, in addition to repeating the ones you had already said just a few seconds ago. You sighed to give yourself a little courage, helping him to find a calm that had escaped very slightly.

 "I don't blame you. We don't control how we feel. I'm not mad at you. You deserve to be happy, Alex."

 A faint smile played on the corners of Alex's lips as a few tears beaded from his eyes. Slowly, you stretched out your hand to erase them with the back of your index finger. It was your turn to be the protective sibling. Sometimes Alex needed to be reminded that he was important and that thinking about himself wouldn't hurt him.

  You've always had a crush on Luke. You realized your feelings for your brother's best friend when you were fourteen. You had never declared yourself, however, considering that the friendship that existed between your brother and the guitarist was too precious. Friendship ... If only you had known that there had always been more than that between them. Because the reality was there: They had been lovers

 But despite your feelings, you had always been close to Luke, as you were to Reggie. They were first and foremost Alex's best friends, but step by step they had become yours.

 “Does he know? Does he know that…I love him ?” you asked

“I think he's starting to understand.”

 Since your arrival in 2020, things had changed between you and Luke. The first time the guitarist had been to see his parents, Alex, Reggie and you had followed him in secret. But when the boys left, finding it best to leave Luke alone, you stayed. You stayed until he saw you and got angry. You stayed until he exploded again, in your arms as you ran your hands through his messy hair, kissing the top of his head tenderly to give him the much-needed comfort. Because deep down you knew. You knew Luke just needed to be loved again, he needed to be “touched” after seeing his parents again.

 After that moment everything started to change. It was like Luke needed your presence all the time, to feel against him. He was eager to hug you, rub his nose on your neck, or just kiss your cheek. You had the impression to feel his gaze sliding over you more than usual, you melted when he gave you a warm smile. But all of this, all of these signs that you thought you saw might have just been your imagination.

 Silence came over you again and once again it wasn't embarrassing. You liked the silence, you liked looking at the stars without any noise around you. Only your breaths disturbed this soothing silence. As you gazed at the sky, you couldn't help but countless thoughts cross your mind. You had so many questions for Alex. How did it happen? When did it happen? How long had it lasted? Were they still together today? You seemed to know that last answer already, having noticed the looks Luke had been giving Julie over the past few weeks, especially at the concert they played Finally Free. But the only question that crossed your lips was this one:

 “Do you still love him?”

 You looked back at your brother, only to see him smirk, almost nostalgic.

 “Part of me always will. He’s my first love.”

 It seemed like a logical answer and it broke your heart once again, although on a certain side hearing this from your brother seemed to hit you less and less hard. Reality hit you with less pain. You were starting to get used to this idea. They had been the most important person to each other for a year: they had been lovers.

 “You know…it’s over…between me and him”

 Unconsciously, your brother had answered one of the questions you had been asking yourself since the moment you discovered this secret. In a way, you were sad to hear that your brother was no longer with Luke. That their relationship was over and your curiosity took precedence, once again.

 “why?”

“because we work better by being best friend. Because I know he’s falling for someone great.”

 You regretted your question now. Luke had evolved, just like Alex was currently doing with Willie, although that's what led you to Caleb and those really painful electric shocks. But it was obvious, Luke was also starting to recover from this love affair and you noticed how not special you were another one was. All those looks, those moments where your skin had touched, everything was in your head, everything was only the rantings of a teenager in love.

 “Yeah, Julie is great”. you said with a little disappointment in your voice

 Alex chuckled. You had both risen to a sitting position. Your arms circled your knees as you rested your chin on them. You turned your head towards your brother, raising an eyebrow. And despite the darkness of the night, he could see your questioning expression thanks to the reflection of the moon on your face.

 “It’s not Julie I was thinking about”

“Reggie?”

 Alex laughed again before sighing gently. You couldn't be so oblivious or you just tried to ignore the possibility, shielding yourself from possible teenage grief.

 “You.”

"Me?"

“Yes, y/n. You. Luke is falling for you. ��

“But… Alex… he’s.. And, you ..”

“I'm okay with that. You deserve to be happy and I know you’ll be good to each other.”

 In perfect timing, the distinctive sound of a pop was heard behind you. Alex looked up and his shy smile confirmed the doubt that had settled in you as to the identity of this new arrival. Your brother gave you a protective look and then gave you a slight wink.

 "I think you need to talk to each other."

 The blond drummer stood up cautiously and when you turned your head to see him go, you noticed the hand he placed on Luke's shoulder. And the last thing you heard before your brother disappeared into a ghostly cloud was, "I trust you. Take care of her/him like you took care of me, Luke."

 They had been lovers and now, strange as it may sound, you had Alex's blessing ... leaving you the possibility for Luke as for you, of being, in turn: lovers.

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music. How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible. How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities. How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing? Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery. You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days. Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all. What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe. Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me. As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords. It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend. When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap. In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles. In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write. Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects. What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things. In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky. ‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different. I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?” Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited. In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished. Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs) That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come. The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

I should’ve kissed you.

Summary: Perhaps is never too late to chase after the love of your life.

Word count: 5.8k

a/n: i don't have anything against camille, i don't know her and couldn't care less about her but she was the last person harry dated so to make it accurate i used her for the timeline.

you can find the rest of my masterlist here.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: 

Friends that could've been more if only destiny wasn't against them. More often than not, we find ourselves thinking about the 'what if's in life, trapped in a living fantasy of what our lives could be if only we'd play of cards right.

For some, the universe isn't entirely against them. Like it's the case of Harry, someone who was able to achieve things he'd never thought he would. Someone who, at plain sight, had everything a person could've ever asked for.

Money, fame, status. You name it, he has it. What nobody told him, was how lonely it could get once you've reached the top. You have millions of hearts beating just for you, but the only want you really desire.

Y/N and Harry met when they were six years old. Harry pushed her by accident in the playground, what resulted in her falling facedown to the floor. The then little boy felt so bad when he saw her knee bleeding even though she had told him it was fine. Ever since that day, Harry never left Y/N's side, following her like a shadow.

Harry wasn't by any means a shy child, however he didn't have a lot of friends besides Y/N, claiming he didn't need anyone else as long as he had her.

From playing in the playground every day, to playdates in each other's houses, to dates in the park. They spent their childhoods together at all moments.

When their children's phases were over and they no longer played hide and seek in Anne's living room or spent hours in Y/N's mum's backyard running around, the two of them stayed closer than ever.

Anne and Y/M/N didn't want to be the type of mums who tried to pair their children up just because they spent time together, but it was hard not to when you saw the way Harry looked at Y/N, like she hung the moon and the stars. They'd say the pair of friends would end up together sooner or later, but as years went by, Harry and Y/N remained as what they already were, best friends.

Their feelings for each other remained unknown, always thinking their bond was purely platonic to the other and their feelings were one sided.

When Harry turned sixteen, his mum made him audition for the x factor. Y/N went every single day before the audition to assure Harry how talented he was, making him sing her songs all the time. And he'd gladly do so, always loving the way her eyes lit up every time he sang to her.

The day of his audition, she was there holding Gemma's hand while wearing those matching t-shirts to support Harry. She was the first one he wrapped around his arms once we returned backstage, squeezing her oh-so-tight until she told him she couldn't breathe.

Y/N was there every step of the way, never missing anything and always being there when Harry needed her, as a friend.

When Y/N had her first broken heart, Harry was there to pick up the pieces. When she got accepted in her dream school he was the first one she called.

They had this unspoken rule about approving each other's partners, always making sure the other one liked them before becoming serious with that person.

For most of the time, it worked. Sometimes Harry would be a little stubborn and wouldn't listen to Y/N at first, and the majority of the time he'd come back to her with a broken heart for her to fix.

Y/N was more someone of serious relationships, not entirely comfortable with doing the whole sleep around deal. When she was twenty she met a guy a couple of years older than her, started dating him soon after they met and after three years they were still together.

For Harry, things were a little different. He dated occasionally but never anything serious since he was always busy when he was in the bad, but when the band went on hiatus he started looking for someone he could go home to.

That's when he met Camille. Harry had a tendency to catch feelings way too easily and when he fell for someone, he fell hard. This wasn't always convenient, but at the end that's who he was. The first time Harry told Y/N about her was during a phone call. He sounded so excited, going on and on about how great she was, and Y/N wasn't one to question Harry's judgment (most of the time), so she believed him.

Y/N was in Los Angeles when she met Camille for the first time. The three of them went out for dinner, Harry's request. Y/N wasn't expecting much of her, honestly. She didn't put high expectations on what Camille would be like, and after they met at dinner, she was glad she didn't.

Camille wasn't entire horrible. To Y/N, she'd come off as a little bit... rude. And superficial. Her sense of humor wasn't exactly Y/N's cup of tea, and she could see it wasn't Harry's either as he'd try his best to force a laugh every time Camille'd say something that was supposed to be funny but would come out as rude or inappropriate.

Y/N met her again a couple times but her opinion didn't change much. Being completely honest, Y/N thought they wouldn't last. Harry was on tour and Camille had her own life and based on what her best friend would tell her, they didn't get to see each other as much. But Harry was pretty convinced their relationship could work.

That same year but a couple of months later, Y/N went through a rough patch in her life. Her boyfriend of almost four years dumped her for someone his age, saying she wasn't what he wanted anymore.

That was the first time Harry wasn't there to heal her broken heart.

She tried to call him, she really did. One time she called him during a concert and the other time Camille answered the phone to say Harry was sleeping.

So Y/N had no choice but to suck it up.

Harry had a short break from tour and decided to go home for a bit, having missed his family a lot. When he arrived, he wasn't surprised Anne had family and friends over to welcome him.

Looking around the room, Harry looked for the one person in specific. "She's outside." Anne said, knowing exactly who he was looking for. Harry flashed her a smile and walked through the back door that went to the backyard. He found her sitting on one of the swings they used to play with, looking at the ground.

"Hey, stranger." Harry said, taking a seat on the other swing next to hers. Y/N looked up, offering him a half smile. "How have you been?"

"Been better." She simply said.

"Why didn't you call me?" He furrowed. Harry didn't much about her breakup since he never answered her calls, instead he found out through Gemma.

"I tried, you never answered." She wasn't looking at him and he hated how depressed she seemed but hated even more not knowing the full story behind her broken heart.

"You called one time, Y/N." He insisted.

"No. I called multiple times. Camille answered the phone once and said she'd tell you to call me back, but apparently she didn't tell you"

Harry was confused. He remembers checking his history call and Y/N's number being there only once. "Are you sure? Because she'd have told me if you called"

"Are you sure about that?" She questioned, finally looking up.

"What does that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it." She said, trying to get up from the swing but Harry took her forearm, stopping her.

"No, I’d like to talk about this now. You never told me you opinion about Camille, Y/N."

"Is because i don't have one." She sat back, shrugging off her forearm from his embrace.

"You don't like her." He stated, looking hurt.

Y/N sighed. She was too emotionally unstable right now to deal with this, so instead of lying, she told the truth. "No, I don't."

"Why?"

"Do we have to do this?" Harry looked at her, sternly. "She's rude, Harry. And inappropriate. I don't feel comfortable being around her, that's why I’ve cancelled every time you want the three of us to go out." Y/N looked at him in the eye.

Harry didn't know what to say. When it came to Y/N, he'd have expected a simple 'i like her as long as you do' as that had been the answer she'd always give him.

But this, this was different. She truly did not like Camille and was voicing her opinion to him, not even trying to pretend to like her for his sake. He didn't know how to react, completely unaware of the damage is next words would bring.

"Perhaps if you took the time to get to know her, you wouldn't be so judgmental." He furrowed, feeling attacked. "Seriously, Y/N, you're the only one who come across as rude by canceling every time i say she'd come too."

"You asked for my opinion, Harry. I gave it to you so can we please be done with this?" She felt a massive headache coming and the last thing she wanted was start a fight deep down she knew she'd lose.

"How can i be done with it now that i found out you hate my girlfriend?" He sighed, angrily. "You know what i think? I think you're acting like a proper bitch just because Seth dumped you and you can't stand seeing anyone else around you happy!" he shouted. "Why can't you feel happy for me? Not everyone is a complete asshole like Seth turned out to be, so I’d appreciate if you stopped badmouthing my girlfriend."

Y/N froze in her place. The words that came out of Harry's mouth had the solid purpose to get under her skin. But instead of making her angry like he'd have expected, he saw the exact moment her eyes filled with tears, her upper lip started trembling and that's when he knew he went too far.

She nodded, processing his words before standing up from the swing. She walked hurriedly inside of the house and despite hearing people call after her, Y/N went straight to the front door and slammed it behind her as she went out. Never once looking back.

Even Harry heard the noise she made when she left, so he stood up from his seat and almost ran inside. When he didn't see her, he panicked. Harry never thought she would actually leave the house before they could talk through the issue, she was never one to run out of her problems, but then again she was hurting and wasn't in a good place emotionally after Seth broke her.

Not that Harry would know any of that. And now he understood that. He was so quick to go for her throat that he never noticed how sad she actually was. He was too focused on talk about himself and his relationship that he never asked her how she really was.

"Mum, i fucked up." Harry came to Anne, tears staring to form in his eyes. "Y/N left." He added.

"What did you do, Harry?" She did see her storm out of the house and immediately knew the two best friends had a fight. Although she wasn't sure she wanted to know what made Y/N so upset. "Wait, don't tell me. Whatever it is i'm sure you'll fix it."

"I need to talk to her tomorrow." Harry started tugging on his hair.

"Why tomorrow?"

"I don't think right now she would appreciate my presence, mum. I'll let her cool down and I’ll go find her tomorrow"

Except Y/N did want Harry's presence in that moment. She felt like she was about to drown in her own sorrows and although what Harry said also hurt her, there was nothing else she wanted more than one of his healing hugs. She sat down in her car for twenty minutes, thinking Harry would go after her, but he never did.

Driving all the way from Holmes Chapel to London in the middle of the night didn't sound like the smartest plan ever, but Y/N needed to clear her mind and in all honesty, she just wanted to go home. She knew she would need to call her mother and give her an explanation for her sudden absence but she'll deal with that in the morning.

Right now she wanted to take a bath and get drunk on a bottle of wine. And that's exactly what she did as soon as she crossed the door to her home. She dragged herself upstairs and towards her bathroom, not without making a quick trip to the kitchen to find the alcoholic drink before she did so.

It was only after she was settled in the tub, loads of bubbles surrounding her when she allowed herself to fully cry.

Of course she wanted Harry happy, she'd give up on her own happiness in a heartbeat if that meant he'd be happy. Y/N couldn't help but feel protective over him, his heart has been broken too many times and to be honest she was growing tired of just being there to pick up the mess.

She has given up so much for him, and although she didn't always receive the same from him, she understood and still loved him unconditionally.

But perhaps picking him over herself wasn't something she was willing to do anymore. She had her own broken heart to deal with and wasn't sure if she could heal Harry's once his relationship was over.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: 

First thing Harry did when he woke up, was try to call Y/N. One, two, three, four times and none of those she'd pick up.

He walked the short distance between his mother's house and Y/N's mum's house, hoping to find her there. Much to his surprise, her mom opened the door, giving him a sympathetic smile.

"Hello, Harry."

"Is she awake yet? I need to talk to her." Harry said with a shaky voice.

"Y/N's not here, love. She left last night."

Harry furrowed. "In the middle of the night? Has she called you?"

"I wasn't thrilled either but she has, honey. And she told me she made it safely."

Harry nodded. In his head, he was already packing his bags to drive back to London, the only thing on his mind being Y/N. He thanked Y/M/N and rushed back to Anne's house. When he entered, there was someone else waiting for him. Harry was confused as to why his girlfriend was standing in the middle of Anne's living room with a suitcase next to her.

"Camille?" He asked, approaching the woman.

"Hi, baby." She went for a kiss but Harry was too confused to return it. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, don't be rude. I came to surprise you. Now, get my suitcase upstairs, please"

He wanted to tell her he had to leave, fix things with his best friend, but somehow words didn't come out when he opened his mouth. Maybe it was because Camille would start to ask questions, and it wouldn't be the first time she'd accuse Harry to pick Y/N over her, so he kept quiet.

Anne was throwing him looks, silently asking why he hasn't talk to Y/N like he promised he would. Now, don't get her wrong, she was her son's biggest supporter and although she shared with Y/N almost the same opinion about Camille, Anne chose to not say anything and try to make an effort to like the girl.

Harry stayed the whole week in his hometown with his girlfriend, pushing the thought of Y/N at the very back of his head. He tried sending her messages but she never answered them, he tried calling but it always went straight to voicemail. If Harry wouldn't stop by her childhood home to ask her mother about her during his morning runs, he wouldn't have any idea of how she was.

By the end of the week, Harry was finally packing his bags, ready to go. What he wasn't counting on was Camille telling him they'd go back to Los Angeles.

"It's one dinner, Camille." He told her.

"But i really want to go. I've already told everyone we'd be there." She insisted. Harry didn't want to fly all the way to LA just for one stupid dinner with a bunch of people he didn't like. "Do you have anything more important to do or what?"

"I..." He paused. "I have to talk to Y/N."

"Then call her like you always do." She rolled her eyes, growing annoyed.

"It's kind of an important conversation, actually. I can't do that over the phone."

"Who's your girlfriend, uh? Because you're always ready to drop anything to go after her like a lost puppy!"

"That is not true. She's my best friend, Camille. I've known her since we were six."

"Well, i don't like her." She crossed her arms, staring at Harry. He shifted uncomfortably on his place, not knowing what to say. "Do you love her?"

"Of course i do." He said immediately. Camille raised her eyebrows, making him quickly add. "But not in the way you're thinking. We're just... close. Always been."

"Perhaps a little too close."

"What do you supposing?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows.

"If you want this to work then you need to spend less time with her, Harry. I won't compete with her, do you understand?" She stated.

Harry didn't know what to say. She was giving him an ultimatum he wasn't sure he could do. Stay away from Y/N was never something that crossed out of his mind, ever. He didn't want to stop seeing his best friend but he didn't want to break up with Camille either.

Sighing while putting his suitcase down, Harry nodded. Camille smiled, pleased with his decision. "I do this for us, babe. This weird codependency you two have needs to stop. We're only going to grow closer, you'll see."

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: 

It was like that, how a few days turned into a few weeks that then turned into months of no communication between Harry and Y/N.

Gemma had heard the entire argument that day, and she still was surprised and shocked with her brother's choice. She had called Y/N to tell her, hoping she would make Harry understand how wrong he was, but all she received was silence from the other end of the line, followed by a quiet 'thank you for telling me' before Y/N hung up.

To her, Camille made him choose. And he chose his girlfriend over her. She wanted to be mad, she wanted to cry and throw things, but she couldn't. Instead she respected Harry's decision, like she always does. She wasn't sure how she'd erase over fifteen years of friendship, but she'd try her best if that meant Harry would be happy, even if that didn't include her in his life anymore.

To Harry, things only went worse. Every day he woke up feeling emptier and emptier. He was angry all the time, never wanted to go out or do anything besides giving his concerts then going straight to his bedroom to go back being miserable. He couldn't recognize himself in the mirror, him and everyone else around him.

Every time Camille wanted to visit him, he'd throw a random excuse and say things were too busy. Of course she knew something was up and she knew exactly the reason why he was acting like he was. As he looked sadder and sadder in his concerts, fans started to wonder what had happened to him. Some assumed they broke up, and deep down Harry wanted those rumors to be true. But if Camille disappeared from his life, then he'd be completely alone. He no longer had the one person that has always been there aside from his mum and sister. He no longer had that one person that was the exactly reflection of who he was. He no longer had Y/N, and he wasn't ready to admit out loud he was the only one to blame for that.

During those darks, lonely months he realized something. Every relationship he's ever had in the past, never worked because Y/N was always in his mind. Y/N wouldn't say this, Y/N wouldn't do this, Y/N wouldn't be like this. His past partners never made the cut because he'd always compare them to the best person in his life. He didn't see it back then, but now he did.

He was in love. Truly, madly, deeply and foolishly in love with his best friend.

A couple of shows before tour ended, Camille decided to surprise Harry and fly all the way from LA to whatever city he was in. When he opened the door of his hotel bedroom, he was confused to see her standing there. "Surprise!" She exclaimed, throwing herself at him.

"Camille, what are you doing?"

"Uh, surprising you?" She said in an obvious tone. "Jesus Christ, at least pretend you're happy to see me."

"I'm sorry. How was your flight?"

Harry welcomed her into his room, wheeling her suitcase by the end of the bed. His room was kind of a mess because yesterday he drank too much and became a complete train wreck. Camille looked around, scanning the mess they were standing in but didn't say anything.

He had a concert to do that night, and they had to be at the arena so Harry could get ready. There wasn't much Camille could do besides sitting in his dressing room and wait for him. During all the night, he seemed slightly off, distracted thinking about Camille. Seeing her kind of triggered all the memories from Y/N and that night at his mother's house that he was yet to apologize for.

In his mind, he blamed her for everything. However deep down he knew he was responsible for that. There were so many other way he could've handled the situation, but back then he didn't think straight, he thought what he had with Camille was worth losing Y/N. Bad thing he learned too late nothing was worth losing her.

"I want to go out tonight." She had told him after his concert ended. "We can go to a club or something."

"I'm not really in the mood for clubbing."

"Then let's go have dinner."

"Not hungry either." He said as he opened the door of the hotel room.

"Then what do you want?"

"I'd like to take a shower and sleep." Harry started unbuttoning his shirt, dropping it off on the floor when he was done.

"Don't be boring. I didn't come here to sit around and do nothing fun."

"I didn't ask you to come." He blurted in a harsh tone. "I'm not in the mood, Camille."

"Is this because you're not friends with Y/N anymore?" She asked, crossing her arms across her chest. "I thought you'd get over it, Harry."

"Well, I won't!"

"I can't believe after all this time, i'm still competing with her for your fucking attention!"

"What else do you want from me, Camille?!I turned my back on her for you! What else do you want me to do?!"

"I want you to understand your life does not revolve around her! I'm your bloody girlfriend, dammit!" She shouted angrily. "Your obsession over her is not healthy. I did everything i could to make you see that. She doesn't understand it either. God, i even went as far as deleting your history call because i knew... i knew at the first opportunity you'd jump on a plane to her fucking rescue."

"You did... what?" He barked angrily. Suddenly it all made sense. Y/N was mad at him because she thought Harry was ignoring her when in reality Harry never saw her missing calls. Camille's eyes widened, she knew she said too much. "Why the hell would you do something like that?! You didn't have any right to go through my phone like that."

"I did it for-"

"Cut the crap! You didn't do it for me. I can't believe you're this psychotic kind of person. Do you have any idea how much your stupid actions coasted me?!" She stayed silent. "Answer me!" Harry shouted, completely furious.

Several knocks were heard by the other side of the door, followed by Jeff's voice telling Harry to let him in. "What is happening in here? I can hear your screams from my room." He said once the curly haired man let him in.

"Please book a room for Camille and a flight for tomorrow morning for her."

"Harry..." Camille tried to touch his arm.

"No. I'm done with this, with you, with everything.

Harry stormed out of the room, in desperate need of fresh air. He had way too many things on his plate right now, but somehow he felt more relieved now that he wasn’t with Camille anymore. It took him too long to realize he didn’t love her, and the only person he’s ever loved has been always right in front of him.

When he came back to his room, Camille’s things were gone and the room was once again clean. He figured Jeff sent someone to clean it up or something, either way he was grateful. His mind started going places he hasn’t allowed it to go in a long time, old memories with Y/N started rushing through his mind, then he started thinking on how things would be if he never made that stupid choice of giving up on her.

He wanted her back, he just didn’t know how. He wouldn’t blame her if he didn’t want to know anything about him as he felt like the most undeserving person of her love.

He started counting down the days that were left before he could go back to London and do everything in his power to get her back, silently promising her that this time, he will not fuck it up.

*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･:

First thing Harry did after he gave his last concert, was book the first flight back to London. He asked Gemma to go pick him up from the airport and take him to Y/N’s house. At first, she thought he was crazy but then she heard how desperate he was and she accepted.

“I love you, little brother but you absolutely fucked it up.” She told him as she was driving. “How could you let her manipulate you into stopping talking with Y/N?”

“I don’t know, Gem.” He sighed. “I made a mistake, okay?”

“Do you love her?” Gemma asked the same question months back Camille asked. However, instead of using a harsh tone like his now ex-girlfriend did, Gemma’s tone was soft. Almost as she was afraid to ask the question. The difference was, Harry wasn’t afraid of the answer anymore.

“I do.”

He looked through the window, lost in thought. Gemma nodded to herself, satisfied with his answer. It was about goddamn time, she thought. She crossed her fingers Y/N would at least listen to what Harry had to say as she’d hate if all those years of knowing each other were suddenly trashed away.

Gemma barely parked the car before Harry jumped out of it. “Do you want me to wait?”

Harry shook his head, flashing her a little smile. “It might take a while. At least she’s home.” He pointed at her car, parked in the driveway. “Thank you, Gem.”

“Good luck, lovebird.” She smiled before driving away. Harry let out a big sigh before walking towards her front door. He knocked a couple of times and he could hear her dogs bark from the other side of the door.

Y/N opened the door but froze in her place as soon as she saw him. He opened his mouth but before he could say something, Y/N was already trying to close the door.

He put his foot to prevent it from closing. “Wait!”

“No. What are you doing here, Harry?” She tried to close the door again. “Please, leave.”

“Y/N please, I made a mistake.” He begged.

“Did you now?”

“Please, let me in. I can explain everything, just… please.” He said in a sad tone. Y/N looked at him. He hasn’t shaved his face and his hair was all over the place, his emerald eyes weren’t bright anymore. He just looked… sad.

A big part of her wanted to open the door for him to enter, but another part of her didn’t want to. For the past months, Y/N has really worked on making sure she knew her worth at all times. That no Seths and No Harrys were worth of her tears. She had to live with the fact that she lost both at the same time, making the whole in her heart even bigger.

In any other circumstances, she wouldn’t hesitate on letting him in. But that was the old Y/N. The one who put him above everything else, including herself. That Y/N wasn’t her anymore.  

“Harry…” She started saying. “I’m not ready.”

He looked up at her, his eyes were red from containing the tears, and although he wanted to say more, he respected her decision. “Would you let me know when you are?” All he wanted was a sight that there still was hope for them, and she could see it in his eyes, so she nodded.

“We’ll talk about it… soon. Just not now.”

A few weeks passed since that day and Harry lived every day hopping his phone would ring. He’d send little texts here and there for her, a way of letting her know he still cared and that he wasn’t giving up.

Dragging himself out of the house for the first time in weeks, Harry decided to go to the little coffee shop he used to frequent with Y/N in the past. They served the best coffee according to her, not like all the other overpriced cafés in London.

He smiled at the memory as he entered the place, going straight to make his order. His mind was too focused on other things that he didn’t realize he also ordered Y/N’s usual.

Now he had two coffees and a chocolate muffin, but it was just him there. He looked down at the order again, it made him feel like the old times where he’d stop by the shop before going to Y/N’s to hang out.

Without thinking about it twice, he hopped in his car again and drove in autopilot to her house. He hopped these past weeks had been enough for her to feel ready to talk.

“Hello, Harry.” She said, more relaxed this time as she opened the door.

“May I come in?” He asked. “I… I brought your favorite.”

She gave him a half smile, opening the door enough for him to come inside. He was immediately greeted by her two dogs and the very familiar sight of her home where he’s spent more times than he could ever remember.

“I was hoping we could talk.” He started. “I know there’s a big… big stain in our friendship now and believe when I say I would spend the rest of my life trying to erase it.”

“Why didn’t you go after me that night at your mum’s house?” She finally said after being silent.

“I thought you didn’t want to see me. I went to your mother’s house the next morning and found out you were gone.”

“I waited for you in my car. I thought we could talk it through but then… then Gemma called me and told me Camille gave you an ultimatum. I backed off because I didn’t want to ruin your relationship, Harry.”

“You didn’t ruin anything, Y/N. I did. I should’ve listened to you instead of screaming at you. I said horrible things to you and I’m so sorry. I should’ve play more attention on how were you feeling. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

She pressed her lips in a thin line, swallowing her tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t support you on your relationship.”

“It’s okay. It’s over.” He said. “I found out she deleted your calls from my phone so I wouldn’t come here to be with you.”

“She told you that?” Y/N was surprised. She had thought about it, but never imagined Camille would admit it.

“She did. I let her manipulate me, but I know it was my fault too. I shouldn’t have let her come between us.”

“She was your girlfriend, Harry. Maybe she was right…” She mumbled, making him frown.

“What do you mean?”

“Harry, all your girlfriends have told you they didn’t like me or the relationship we had. Have you ever thought that’s exactly why your relationships wouldn’t work? You can’t keep choosing me over your partners.”

“Yes, I can.” He insisted.

“No. Perhaps we should’ve keep our paths separated.”

“What? No!” He stood up from the couch and so did Y/N. “Y/N, you can’t ask me to forget about you.”

“Maybe it’s for the best.”

“Says who? I won’t walk away from you, not again. I should’ve done a lot of things since that night, I should’ve known you were right, I should’ve been there for you.” He looked at her with tearful eyes. “I shouldn’t have let you walk away from me. I should’ve… I should’ve…”

His breath hitched, becoming aware of how close they were from each other now. Their noses almost touched as they looked into each other’s eyes, eyes that were full of emotion such as anger, sadness… love.

“I should’ve done this a long time ago.” He whispered before finally closing the distance between them. Y/N gasped before kissing him back with force. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her and deepening the kiss.

Kissing her felt so foreign yet so right. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle were coming together and he finally knew it was her all along. The only person that’s always been on his mind and the only one who held his entire heart, it was her.

It was only when they were running out of breath when they finally broke the kiss, but didn’t dare to broke the nonexistent distance between them. Y/N smiled for the first time he walked inside of the house, her eyes were notably brighter and she couldn’t help but let out a little giggle, feeling like a school girl again.

“I love you, Y/N. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I swear I’ll remind you every day of your life how much I do.”

Slashers W/ a Punk S/O

T/W- q*eer is used a few times- in a positive, self affirming kind of way. But I can add other trigger warnings if needed. :)

A/n- Literally no one asked for this, but I wanted to make more HCs like the soft pastel one...so I just went wild and made them. 

I included a little bit of punk culture into this as well, because it’s not just about the fashion, but since there’s such a vast variety within punk culture I mostly stuck with my experiences in the community, and some bits and pieces from documentaries(mostly live footage from “The Decline of Western Civilization”).

Characters: Billy/Stu, The Lost Boys, Norman Bates, Michael Myers

Will make one(s) for Brahms, Amanda, Helen or Daniel if asked

Billy Loomis + Stu Macher

so early 90s, the Riot Grrrl movement emerges

bands like Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, Heavens to Betsy or Sleater-Kinney

it’s a very female-powered oriented movement, but I notice that a lot of minorities tend to be drawn to this music and community (LGBT folks, people of color, etc).

both boys, and yourself, being outside of the norm and all (polyamorous relationship, gay/bi) are sort of drawn to it!

and sure there’s a lot of really great queercore/homocore bands, and there’s probably a good LGBT+ punk scene out there somewhere, but in a little town like Woodsboro? Hell no. Sticking with this fem punk movement, while again mostly a space for women in music- it’s the most accepted the three of you have felt outside of you’re relationship. 

you’ve always been pretty into the music, stuff like Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, or the short-lived Germs- but it wasn’t until you stumbled upon Riot Grrrl that you really got into it. 

the music, making zines about local-ish political issues(probably not so much Woodsboro stuff, more Cali in general and neighboring towns) and a few ones with queer themes and hand-drawn illustrations of your partners, and DIYing all your clothes

since you’re so experienced with DIYing your clothes and sewing on patches, you’ve helped repair the Ghostface costumes on numerous occasions. they kind of adore this(Stu is the only one that will- and does, frequently- admit that)

Let’s face it, the three of you do everything together- but you especially enjoy when Stu tags along for thrift dates. 

he’s the more fashionable one, and he makes the whole experience more enjoyable- cracking jokes and just being his all-around goofy self.

Woodsboro is a very little town, so they don’t have much...but they do have a few small stores- usually you’ll make a whole day/date out of it though. driving to the next town or so over, since they have more stores and a better selection, and spending hours looking for cheap, old t-shirts, belts, clothes with funky patterns. heading out for pizza after.

Billy’s more likely to get into the music and everything with you(he’s kinda,, angsty, no offense to him)- will definitely go to shows with you.

just- imagine Billy in ripped jeans. and he’d have like one or two patches sewn on to it- one of them is your all time favorite band, and the other is a band that he found on his own time, and actually really enjoyed.

Stu is dragged along with you guys, you can’t just leave him at home- he’s gonna feel left out and sad. :(

He’s mostly there to keep y’all company- he really likes the energy of the shows though!

the two of them are such a chaotic duo though, so much so that you have definitely been kicked out or banned from a few venues. all for varying reasons. good grief these men can not be tamed.

The Lost Boys

as we all know, these vampires are total punks. so they’re gonna appreciate having a s/o who’s also into that whole scene.

How you meet:

you’re a baby punk, and it’s your first show ever, and you look so nervous. you’re dressed up in pretty plain clothes, a single homemade patch for your favorite band barely hanging to your jacket side(you were mid-way sewing it, when you realized you were gonna be late if you didn’t leave asap).

it’s a few local bands, ones you’d never really heard of really. you look anxious. but when they start playing? you look so unapologetically yourself, you’re so in the moment dancing- it’s completely mesmerizing to the boys. the music isn’t even that good, but you seem to be having the time of your life.

they greet you after the show, and you’re a tiny bit flustered- cause gosh, heck, they saw you. dancing. so embarrassing. 

David is the one that introduces himself and the group, and initiates conversation. Dwayne’s a pretty quiet guy, so he just listens to what you have to say. 

Marko’s pretty excited about you, and initiates in some small conversation, he may have complimented your little patch(Marko- patch jacket KING, complimenting your jacket?? more likely than you’d think) 

and oh, oh- Paul is out there being a total chatty-cathy, and is absolutely bombarding you with questions. like, okay, Paul is pretty talkative, but the other vamps are a little worried that he’s scared you off. and you had seemed so cool :(

you end up pretty engaged in your convo with Paul though, even if all the attention is overwhelming. He ends up snagging a date for the five of you the following week.

once you start hanging out/dating:

y’all just hit it off so well those first few days. they all love how sweet & shy you are- but also how much of a badass punk babe you are.

Marko helps make your patch jacket(collecting ones for bands you enjoy, how to make your own, sewing them on, etc). you probably could have done it w/out his help, but my gosh- you weren’t going to pass up this opportunity. Marko gets really soft around you sometimes, since he doesn’t really do this activity with anyone else, it’s saved for you. 🥺🥺

Dwayne likes listening to you talking about the local scene(outside of the shows you go to- mostly about stuff he can’t attend, protests and meetings during the daylight.)

all of them(especially David) are very protective of you. I mean, generally. but also when you go to shows. they let you do whatever the heck you’re gonna do, but the mere second that someone even thinks about starting shit w/ you?? well, y’know. those vampire instincts kick in.

the four of them obviously share a lot of similar tastes in music- but they all have different favorite bands, & fave parts of the community. which, they can’t even fully participate in,, but it’s okay.

they, individually, introduce their favorite bands to you. and they get it in their head that oh, they said they liked it. they must like it as much as I do. and awkwardly coming out to the four of them, as they argue about your favorite band, “Well, actually- this *insert band they’ve never heard of or barely listen to* is my favorite.” and their just kinda like, oh, okay. please tell us more about them. 

so it’s sorta like,, you’ve been learning all this cool knowledge from them, now you get to share cool knowledge with them.

idk. I think it’s cute. 💕

Norman Bates

so first off- let’s just pretend Psycho was in at least the 70s/80s for a moment. because realistically- the punk subculture didn’t really exist back then.

baby boy is absolutely fascinated by the way you dress (mother is less thrilled though)

imagine your jacket is getting a bit weathered, and needs some repairs- so he helps you to sew edges closed, and make sure the patches aren’t on too loose, etc

he enjoys hearing your stories of all the past shows you’ve gone to. you always get so excited about them, and he finds that so endearing. But he pretty much leaves the actual punk scene to you because of these stories.

he was already worried from the stories, and made sure you were well prepared for any trouble every time you left for a show.

but one time, you were able to get him to join you. never again though. he was so nervous!

the music was too loud! and he could hardly understand what they were saying- it was so confusing!

you stayed with him most of the night, standing near the back, holding his hand. he’d gently bob his head to the music occasionally. 

but you accidentally found yourself swept into the crowd, but you looked so blissed-out in the moment, that he figured it would be okay for you to dance* over there for a little bit...right?  

*Norman is still unsure if you’d even call that dancing.

Thankfully, nothing bad happened in the mosh pit.

you gotta give him lots of attention and reassurance afterwards though- you almost scared Norman half to death D:

He’s happy enough helping you out and listening to you though- and that’s okay for you, too. you still love each other lots, even if this particular interest doesn’t overlap.

Michael Myers

he thinks you’re outfits are pretty interesting. 

he’s a little worried at first, when you start experimenting with putting things like safety pins in your ears. cause like- that’s not supposed to be in your ear, Y/n, what the fuck

if you make zines at all, Michael really enjoys watching you make the illustrations for them(not that he’ll admit to it though), and helps to find newspaper and magazine clippings to incorporate into the spreads.

you always show michael the final booklet before distributing it

he doesn’t talk a lot, so he doesn’t ask questions- but he often does the little head tilt once you give it to him. since he’s not very privy to current events, and a lot of your zines are political, you spend a lot of time explaining them in depth.

he has no use for any of this knowledge, but he listens on, intently.

Important note:

dear god do not bring this man to concerts and local shows with you.

it is a nightmare, to say the least

Michael is sort of,, emotionless sometimes, doesn’t really care for people at all, and if he does? definitely not in the same way most people do. 

so imagine combining that part of michael, the fact that he’s also a giant stabby man, with super loud, energetic- almost aggressive- sounding music and a bunch of strangers that aren’t respecting any personal boundaries. 

you need to keep him at the back of the venue- lest your local scene may go missing.

it could’ve been you

summary: it’s jinyoung’s engagement party and you find yourself wondering what could’ve been if you had said yes to his proposal years ago.  pairing: park jinyoung x reader (+ some platonic!jackson x reader) genre: angst word count: 2076

part of my tales from the lakes series inspired by taylor swift’s champagne problems

__

Jackson had been kind enough to ask you to be his date for tonight. “As friends, obviously,” he quickly added once he noticed the panicked look in your eyes. He insisted, claiming that you needed a bit of extra support if you were to make it out of that party in one piece. Maybe he was exaggerating, but you knew he cared for you. So, as you rolled your eyes and lightly hit his chest at his antics, you agreed. Jackson clapped his hands together and gave you the biggest, most reassuring grin he could muster, “Great! I’ll pick you up at seven.”

You didn’t tell him, but you were grateful. 

Because as you stepped inside the lavish restaurant that Jinyoung had rented out for the occasion, you became vaguely aware that all eyes were on you. You smoothed out the non-existent creases on your most expensive outfit as you avoided their eyes. Jackson sensed your anxiousness and took your hand in his, leading you away from their judgemental gazes to a table where Yugyeom and Bambam greeted you with a smile.

“Yn!” Bambam engulfed you in a bone crushing hug, “I’ve missed you so much.”

You let out a breath as he released you from his grip, “I’ve missed you too.”

“We saw each other last week,” Yugyeom said, looking at you and Bambam in confusion, “what are you talking about?”

“A week is too long.” Bambam joked, gently bumping his hip into yours.

Yugyeom was about to open his mouth to retaliate when people started crowding around the large entryway, catching all of your attentions. All four of you make your way to where everyone else was, meeting up with Mark, Jaebeom, and Youngjae in the process.

“What’s everyone gathered around for?” You asked to no one in particular.

“The man of the hour has finally arrived.” Mark replied, but his eyes were elsewhere, and you couldn’t exactly blame him.

Jinyoung walked in, handsome as ever, hair swooped back and in a fitted black tux. All smiles, eyes crinkling as he looked around the room. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight before it clenched as memories of him dressing that way for you entered your memory. 

Beside him was the most beautiful woman you had ever laid eyes upon. You had never seen her in person before, only on a screen as she acted alongside Jinyoung in several of his dramas. You hated to admit it, but she looked more radiant in real life. The cameras did not do any justice to her already perfect skin, shiny dark hair, and adorable button nose.

You forced yourself to look away when everyone in the room called out for them to kiss.

That could’ve been you.

___

You had been there for him since day one. 

From the day his family moved into your neighborhood, into the house next to yours. He was the one to approach you first, to the shock of those you tell the story to. It wasn’t that Jinyoung was awfully shy or terribly picky, he just usually preferred his own company to that of others. But when ten year old him saw you at tumbling around in your front yard, something in him knew he had to talk to you.

You had been the one to encourage him to audition at JYP, recognizing his talent even before he did himself. You helped him practice in his bedroom, learning choreography and singing songs alongside him. And when you tackled him with a hug at the news that he passed the audition, warmth and happiness radiating from your body, he knew he loved you. 

You were the first person who was able to sneak into their dorms. It was almost midnight and you wore anything you thought helped conceal your identity: sunglasses, a mask, and a hat. He met you at the backdoor and immediately ushered you inside, introducing you to the people that would, alongside him, eventually be got7.  The members immediately loved you, which in turn only made him fall for you more. 

You were there at the front row during got7′s very first concert. A sign in your hand that declared your love for him. He spotted you in the crowd immediately, heart jumping as he read the sign, which caused him to stagger on some of the lyrics he was singing. You and him had been friends for years. What exactly gave you the courage to be the first one to confess, he never figured out. But he was grateful nonetheless when you met him at his dressing room with a kiss. 

You never would have thought that someday you’d have to watch him get married to someone else. 

___

Jinyoung never thought that you would actually come, especially given your history. Truth be told, the invite was more of a courtesy rather than an actual invitation. You were no longer lovers, now reluctant friends. If it had not been for the rest of the members, he would’ve lost contact with you altogether.

Still, his feet seemed to have a mind of their own when they lead themselves straight to you— skipping his family and friends. He tried to tell himself to turn back, maybe talk to his future mother-in-law instead. But it was too late, he now stood a few feet in front of you, hands in his pockets with a small smile on his features, “Hi.”

“Your bowtie is crooked.” 

“What?” He uttered out, eyes alight with confusion. 

You let out a small chuckle and pointed at the black fabric, “I would fix it for you, but you know—”

Jinyoung looked around the room to see some of the guests watching the both of you, quickly looking away once his gaze met theirs. His hands left his pockets to fix his bowtie, “Ah. I see. Thank you.”

You both looked down, as if the soles of your shoes had suddenly become a point of interest, completely unsure of what to say. The rest of the members always made it a point to no longer leave the two of you alone, for fear of tension and the unavoidable awkward silence. Yet here you two were, without Bambam, Jaebeom, or anyone else to save either of you. 

“What happened to us?” You asked once the silence became too deafening for you to bear.  It was never this hard for you two to hold a conversation, more often than not people would have had to physically restrain you from talking. Now, you couldn’t even look at each other in the eyes. “How— why did we end up like this?”

For a brief moment, quicker than a flash of lighting, his guard went crumbling down. For the first time in years, he let you see the effect you truly had on him. His tone was calm, but not devoid of emotion.  Jinyoung wanted you to hear the sincerity, the vulnerability in his voice, “You said no.”

____

Jinyoung had spent months preparing, but he always knew he wanted to propose. He rented out the restaurant you had your first date in, where you spent each and every one of your anniversaries. He brought a bouquet of your favorite flowers and bought a brand new suit. He asked help from his family, his members, even JYP himself. He spent several nights composing the perfect speech, sacrificing sleep for endless revising. 

But he should’ve known something was wrong when your hand slipped from his as he lead you through a slow dance. When you just picked at your favorite food instead of eating. When you could only give him curt replies to his stories and questions. His mother’s ring was in his pocket, but it started feeling unusually heavy. He assumed it was just his nerves getting the better of him. 

Jinyoung knew something was wrong when you stopped him from getting down on one knee. When you said no before he could even ask. 

____

“You never gave me a reason, you know?” 

It had been three years since he proposed to you, well, tried to. Yet he still couldn’t figure out what prompted you to say no. You had always been on the same page as him, in fact that was what he loved about your relationship the most. Were you just not ready? Or was it because you couldn’t handle being married to an idol? But he would’ve waited, and he was fine with keeping your relationship a secret. He may have even preferred it that way, and when you left him standing that faithful night, he began to question everything he thought he knew about the both of you. But that was years ago, all he wanted now was an answer. For you to give him one good reason.

“I still can’t.”

____

All the guests had gathered around the center of the room. Chairs and tables had been moved to the side for a makeshift dance floor. The string quartet began playing, the notes guiding Jinyoung as he lead his fiancee in the most elegant waltz. Their happiness undeniable as they glided across the room like they were always meant to dance with the other. Their eyes glued to each other, uncaring of the tens of people watching their every move. 

“That could’ve been you.” Yugyeom whispered, earning himself an elbow in the stomach from Jackson. He doubled over in pain before letting out in a strangled whisper, “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

But he was right, it could’ve been you.

The one who wore his mom’s ring on her left ring finger. The one he twirled around the room, earning everyone’s quiet swoons of adoration. The one who gripped his hand tightly as they become illuminated by the soft glow of the chandelier. The one whose picture he carried in his wallet. The one he whispered ‘I love you’ to as he ended the dance with a dip, drowning out the room’s applause with a kiss. 

It should’ve been you.

But you said no, and you could give neither him nor yourself a reason. Maybe you couldn’t handle the life that came with being married to someone like him. You weren’t an idol, nor an actress. You were an outsider and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be in. Maybe you just weren’t ready to get married. You were so young when he attempted to ask. Maybe you didn’t want to get married at all. The thought of marriage hadn’t even crossed your mind until he started getting down on one knee. Or maybe you were just afraid. Afraid that you weren’t deserving of his love. Afraid that someone else would come along and sweep him of his feet.

And someone else did come along because here she was in front of you, wrapped up in his arms, blissfully unaware of exactly how lucky she was to be with him. 

“I should go.” You muttered, though it was directed at no one in particular, unsure if anyone had even heard. But Jackson did. 

“You sure?” He asked,  “Let me give you a ride home at least.”

“No, please, stay.” You protest, shaking your head furiously, “Enjoy the party. I’m sure Jinyoung will be looking for you later.”

“Yn—” Jackson protested, gripping your wrist to stop you from leaving. His gaze was intense, almost challenging. But you had known him long enough to grown immune. 

You try to shake his hand off, offering him a smile to convince him you were fine with leaving alone, “It’s okay, I’ll just take the train. Or get a cab”

He stared you down, eyes scanning your face as he searched for any sign of reluctance or uncertainty, but he eventually let out a sigh when he realized there was no stopping you. “Text me when you get home, yeah?”

You nod, reaching up to hug him before whispering, “Thank you.”

The rest of the members said their goodbyes with a hug, promising to see you soon. You knew they meant it. 

As you went to the exit, something in you begged you to turn around, to give one last look around the room before you left. And so you did, only to find Jinyoung already looking back at you.

“I’m sorry.” You mouth, unsure if he could even see it.

But he smiled, giving you a small nod before he turned to face his fiancee; turning away from you.