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lindsaywesker · 1 year

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Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday.

People who are in love get fewer colds.

On average, 12 new-borns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

By 2050, about half of the world’s population will be short sighted.

A zoilist is someone who gains pleasure from finding fault.

Women who snore are more likely to struggle to orgasm.

About one person in twenty can't visualise images in their head.

Until 1899, the list of official diseases at the Royal College Of Physicians included nostalgia.

In 2002, actor Vin Diesel saved an entire family from a burning car wreck.

The annual awards ceremony of the UK porn industry is called the SHAFTAs.

According to a recent study, procrastination can be a sign of poor physical health.

750,000 tons of cigarette butts are dropped on the ground around the world each year.

The phrase ‘pipe dream’ originates from the fantasies induced by smoking opium.

Many Japanese bathrooms have a button that, when pushed, plays the flushing sound to mask the sound of you doing your ‘business’.

A single share of Coca Cola stock that was purchased in 1919 for $40, would be worth $9.8 million today.

To try and be a better person, Tolstoy wrote a list of rules for himself that included, “Visit a brothel only twice a month.”

Scientists have observed male bottlenose dolphins masturbating by wrapping a live eel around their penis.

A 99 year old man divorced his 96 year old wife after having been married for 77 years because he discovered an affair she had in the 1940's.

In 2014 Margaret Loughry won the Northern Ireland lottery jackpot which consisted of £27 million. She donated 26 million of it to her own hometown to help transform it into a tourist destination.

In 2013, a man in Michigan whose house was set to be demolished, switched his house numbers with his neighbour. The demolition crew never realised until it was too late.

A 2009 study found James Bond has had ten times as many lovers as the average British male has in a lifetime, with a doctor reporting that, “the likelihood of him having chlamydia is extremely high.”

The African Union intends on having a single, continent-wide currency modelled after the euro. The most popular proposed name for the currency as of right now is the afro.

Edward 'Boy' Jones was known in the Victorian era for getting caught breaking into Buckingham Palace when he was 14 years old and stealing Queen Victoria's underwear.

In 2013, the 'Breaking Bad' team were offered $75 million to produce three more episodes after the final season concluded, which was estimated to be more than their earnings in 5 years. They declined.

The Hanover Country School Board in Virginia tried to ban ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ in 1966. When she heard about this, author Harper Lee sent a letter to the school board asking if they were literate and offered some money to enrol them in first grade.

In February this year, at an art exhibition in Russia, a security guard ruined a painting worth $1 million by drawing a pair of eyes on it with a ballpoint pen because he was "bored". It was his first day on the job.

In 2012 a man sued Pepsi after he found a mouse in his Mountain Dew. However, Pepsi fought and won the case. They knew the can was 74 days old and could prove that any mouse would have easily dissolved in Mountain Dew after 30 days.

How do farmers party? They turnip the beets.

Sadie Renee Johnson from Oregon started a wildfire in 2013 in order to give her bored firefighter friends some work, except that it spread to 206 square km and cost nearly eight million dollars and two months to bring under control.

In the late 1900s, Howard Hughes bought an entire casino named Silver Slipper just so that he could tear down their neon sign. It was visible from Hughes' bedroom and apparently it was keeping him up at night.

In 1988, a woman named Jean Terese Keating disappeared while awaiting trial for drunkenly killing a woman in a car crash. She was arrested 15 years later after bragging at a bar about having gotten away with the crime.

In 2012, a nineteen year old teen secretly lived in AOL's headquarters for two full months in California. He ate free food, used the gyms and showers and even slept in the conference room while working on his own startup.

And, finally, a quiz. What does this list of acts have in common? Loose Ends, Doug E. Fresh, Steely Dan, Lee Dorsey, Otis Redding, Sly & The Family Stone, Hall & Oates, The Turtles, The Detroit Emeralds, The Monkees, The Emotions, Sly Stone, Funky Four + 1, Johnny Cash, Syl Johnson, The Fatback Band, Eddie Murphy, Run DMC, Cymande, The Commodores, Bo Diddley, The Real Roxanne, Five Stairsteps, Michael Jackson, Richard Pryor, Jefferson Starship, Gregory Abbot and Cerrone. If you know the answer, well done! Keep it to yourself!

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #new blog #lockdown #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #tuesdaymotivation #radio

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wallcrawlparker · 7 months

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— character info sheet.

(repost, don’t reblog)

name: Peter Benjamin Parker

name meaning: Peter (Greek) Meaning: Rock; Stone Benjamin (Hebrew) Meaning: Son of the South Parker (Old English) Meaning: Park Keeper

nicknames: Pete, Petey-Pie (Thanks Deadpool), Spidey, Underoos/Kid (Mister Stark, I swear), Penis Parker (Flash is very penis-obsessed..), Queens (Steve)

nicknames meaning: Pete - Shortened version of Peter Petey-Pie - Deadpool thinks Peter's adorable Spidey - Nickname for Spider Spoods - The mun is weird and likes to go with that Underoos / Kid - Tony Stark will never get over Peter's first suit being 'a onesie', and his age Penis Parker - Flash is a jealous brat with 0 creativity Queens - During his fight with Steve Rogers, he mentioned he was from Queens

alias/es: Spider-Man

Gender/Sexual identity: Cis Male, Panromantic and Demisexual

ethnicity: American with Irish Heritage from his mother one (i do what i want) pictures you like best of your muse:

The 'please say sike' pic

The hungriest of Spider Boys

The cutest of babies

three h/cs you never told anyone:

Peter's always been really skilled with science and tech... as well as stubborn. The fake Iron Man mask and gauntlet he is seen wearing at the Stark Expo when he was 5 were made by him - using the LEDs and bits from electronic parts of a toy ambulance he'd been gifted - having hated the sound it made anyway, he destroyed it and made himself something he actually liked. He was very proud.

Peter is convinced and insists that KAREN, FRIDAY and DUM-E can, in fact, feel emotions and have their own preferences like anyone else. He's working on discovering their favourite song, colour, and movie. Yes, he puts on a movie for them to 'watch' from time to time, and has Karen play music on patrols so she can get acquainted with various kinds.

Peter doesn't want people to ever feel unwelcome or uncomfortable and will go out of his way to make them feel safe and wanted - as he has struggled with feeling abandoned himself. For example, he always subtly adds Loki-friendly items around the compound when the God is around to help lessen tension; green blanket on the couch, extra chair at the table, etc. He doesn't take credit, he wants it to seem natural.

three things your character likes doing in their free time:

Reading on the ceiling, it feels grounding (HAH, get it?)

Playing videogames with other heroes

building and repairing tech in the labs

eight people your character likes / loves:

May Parker

Ben Parker

Ned Leads

Michelle Jones

Tony Stark

Happy

The Avengers

two things your character regrets:

Not being able to protect Tony

Messing with the first spell from Strange... it would have been easier to deal with Spiderman being forgotten than himself entirely

two phobias your character has:

Claustrophobia

Disappointing others

Abandonment

tagged by: @ssolessurvivor

tagging: any of my bb's, y'all feel free to tag me

#Aesthetics || Peter Parker #Aesthetics || Spider Man #Peter Parker RP #Spider Man RP #Marvel RP #Spiderman RP

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ao3feed-irondadspiderson · 1 year

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https://archiveofourown.org/works/43296960

Family, Crushes, and Classes don't mix, apparently by Book_Addicted_Thing ‘Hey Penis!’ Flash yelled. Peter didn’t react, because his name was Peter and he didn’t feel addressed by Flash. ‘Penis Parker! Are you afraid of going to that place you say you work at but don’t really and now we’ll all see that you have never even seen the Avengers before? Because I would if I were you!’ Flash announced loudly. Peter grumbled. ‘I really do work there, and I don’t care what you would or wouldn’t do if you were even remotely like me,’ he yelled right back." my version of the field trip trope! sorry if I upload once after five weeks and then suddenly twice a day, my schedule is nonexistent and I upload like it. idk how to rate this, but people do swear in this fic, but there is no smut, so if swearing is a trigger for you then please watch out while reading this/don't read this if it's really bad, stay safe out there! Words: 1123, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: F/M, M/M Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Harley Keener, Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner, Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel), Shuri (Marvel), Clint Barton, Wanda Maximoff, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Cassie Lang Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Thor, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Avengers Team & Peter Parker, Loki & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Shuri, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Everyone Additional Tags: Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Autistic Peter Parker, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Protective Avengers, Protective Tony Stark, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, isn't it Romanoff though?, with a double ff?, google says so, and google knows all, Protective Harley Keener, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Shuri (Marvel), Protective Ned Leeds, Protective Michelle Jones, Domestic Avengers, Avengers Movie Night, Avengers Family, Bisexual Peter Parker, Gay Harley Keener, Peter Parker is a Mess, Avengers Quoting Vines, How is that not a tag, I'm disappointed in y'all, Dorks in Love, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Flash Thompson Bullies Peter Parker, Domestic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Attempt at Humor

#IFTTT #ao3feed #fanfic #iron dad and spider son #spider son #iron dad #peter parker #tony stark

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crustaceousfaggot · 2 years

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"Yesterday I openly mocked a Brother of the Holy Trinity in his own church hospital, displaying to him an upside-down cross and also my penis, telling him secret names of Great Old Ones that will burn in his ears and dreams despite his prayers. He cried and tried to throw holy water at me with palsied fingers, but I laughed and rode away on my devilhorse. Life is good!"

- Chris Jones, Cragne Manor

#idk what this post is #but this paragraph killed me and I had to share it somewhere #swarm's nonsense

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somebodiesspecificstories · 7 months

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Ben's Outfit

Ben stared at himself in the bedroom mirror, feeling humiliated by his attire. He looked to his Master, who was sat in a chair with a smirk "Is this really what I have to wear to the party?"

"Yeah, pet. You don't like it, do you?"

"No, Sir. It... it's inappropriate." the Master grinned "I shouldn't be dressed like this."

"What don't you like about it, pet? Tell me everything wrong with your outfit." Ben noticed his Master's erection. It confused Ben, but he started talking

"Well, I'm so... my dick, Master, its covered! So is my butt. Almost my entire body is covered and-and these clothes are so loose. No part of my body is on display! Not only that, these clothes are so complicated, buttons and belts and so many layers. How will anyone at this party use me, Master?" by the time Ben was finished talking his Master was masturbating.

"Nobody at the party is going to use you, pet."

"What? I don't understand, Master."

"You do recognise that suit, don't you, Ben? Look at it, not as rags covering your body, but as clothes." Ben turned to the mirror again. Looking at the navy blue jacket, the black tie and the white shirt. A thought came to him, he did recognise this outfit.

"This... is my suit? It's a... uniform?" Ben could hardly believe it, memories of office work and management came flooding back. Memories of... telling Master what to do? Shouting at his Master? The horror made Ben step back, tripping onto the bed. The party, it wasn't going to be a party, it was a meeting! Ben was the manager of Master's department and that meant "I'm your boss?" Ben said in disbelief.

"Not for long, pet." The Master said, he had came during Ben's realisation. "Today you resign and put me in charge of the department, from then on you'll only be my pet, but you've got to act like Benjamin did, pet. You can do that for a few hours can't you, pet?"

"Yes, Master."

"No, Mr Jones. You know my name. You must use it." Ben looked at his Master in horror, to disrespect him like that was unimaginable "I order you to use it." to disobey was unthinkable, however.

"Yes, Charles." Ben said, trying his hardest to replicate the ridiculous idea that he was his Master's superior. "I understand what must be done."

"Oh, the way you squirm. You're so deeply subjugated by my control..." Charles looked at his once again erect penis "we have time, use your mouth as it should be used, pet. Remember, after today you'll always be used correctly." Ben eagerly complied as Charles considered his work.

Less than a week ago Benjamin Jones was ready to fire him. Now, with this power, nobody would stand in Charles's way for long.

#hypno story #mind control story

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trentbent069 · 1 year

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I've finally been led to a revelation... That has changed my life... For good... My road to Damascus, if you like... Plus there's also another Biblical reference to the forbidden fruit and the public-naked taboo of Adam & Eve... And most of you absolutely won't Adam & Eve my Jap's-eye-opening news...

After many years of struggling to label it, something important happened to me these last few days... For me to ultimately come to the definitive conclusion that...**drum-roll**...I am actually properly gay... Yes, you read right... I, who persistently fibbing boasts on here about my romantic prowess with the ladies, have settled down with the knowledge that I prefer it up the arse... And, to be cumpletely accurate, up MY arse... As a taker...

I've been fantasizing queer thoughts for years... But have always declined to see it as something which could be me in real life... But, as of today, I can categorically and officially state that my penis is now redundant... And out of bounds to the entire female race... And, thus, I am presently on the prowl for a larger and lengthier cock than mine to subservient milk-dry its semen content on constant demand by the man in our intimate relations together... As, I have to face it, most manhoods are bigger than mine is... And so are, of course, authoritative over me in intercourse... But, don't get me wrong, not that it is of micro-deficiency! It's just dawned on me that the Dawn of the female name of the world doesn't find me sexually alluring... And my shorter length, and girth, won't ever satisfy her coitally... So, as of this precise moment, my anus has become an honourary vagina for hire... And my once male genitalia is non-sexistent to both genders... And I refuse now to even masturbate out my insufficient dribble to porn pics of the crack of Dawn! My anal crack is now my only source of erotic pleasure... Smaller male genitalia is right to be the woman in the relationship and obediently know its place in the world of rectal lovemaking... Albeit, I understand that it is paradoxically going to be hard for me to keep it up in keeping it down... And invalid as an erection...

I formerly, before coming out of the straight closet, had the hots for the pictured female actor... She, Sarah Jones, several years previously, starred in an underrated sci-fi TV show set in Alcatraz... And possessed a penchant for bao buns... But I am freshly realizing that I am out of her super-voluptuous league as a male... And it is my duty to now drop the shower soap, in front of the like of the stud male also observed in the image, and freely offer my anal-tomic "buns" for him to orgasmically fill up to the rim brim... Whether in prison or not... And, fortunately, it's been decades since being a puff was a criminal offence in the UK... Although it will be me who takes on his pictorial position... With my back end pointing high, out upwards, in a submissive carnal invite, instead, to the rightful alpha-male giver he is... Plus, she will, now, however, play a role in my sex life only as the possible dominant female part of an FMM threeway... But will be engaged with me, in it, solely as a strap-on capacity for my tight sodomite ass...

So, in short... And that isn't another intentional dig at my lacklustre sexcuse for a phallus... If any good LGBT-literate samaritan, on my list, can recummend my newly novice Nancy rectum to a fellow-homo chunk of hunk, to teach me the way of gay effeminacy, then please solicit them to request me on here... And, any aesthetically-attractive lady, also on my list, is welcome, in whatever way they choose, to view my failure of a dick and humiliate-ridicule it... And take the piss out of something that's fit only to take a urinary piss with - all it deserves from the sexperienced them...

Phew! This has ironically been a long post when it's owning up to my past sexual physicality being the antithesis of long... But, hey, it's of utmost vital importance to impotent me - and something brief wouldn't have cut the mustard... Just as what's beneath my underwear briefs doesn't cut it, also...

#gay man #gay life #gay butt

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ao3feed-stevebucky · 1 year

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Family, Crushes, and Classes don't mix, apparently

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/IjuSqXw

by Book_Addicted_Thing

‘Hey Penis!’ Flash yelled. Peter didn’t react, because his name was Peter and he didn’t feel addressed by Flash.

‘Penis Parker! Are you afraid of going to that place you say you work at but don’t really and now we’ll all see that you have never even seen the Avengers before? Because I would if I were you!’ Flash announced loudly.

Peter grumbled. ‘I really do work there, and I don’t care what you would or wouldn’t do if you were even remotely like me,’ he yelled right back."

my version of the field trip trope! sorry if I upload once after five weeks and then suddenly twice a day, my schedule is nonexistent and I upload like it. idk how to rate this, but people do swear in this fic, but there is no smut, so if swearing is a trigger for you then please watch out while reading this/don't read this if it's really bad, stay safe out there!

Words: 1123, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/M, M/M

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Harley Keener, Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Pepper Potts, Bruce Banner, Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel), Shuri (Marvel), Clint Barton, Wanda Maximoff, Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones, Cassie Lang

Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Bruce Banner/Thor, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Avengers Team & Peter Parker, Loki & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Shuri, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Everyone

Additional Tags: Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Autistic Peter Parker, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Protective Avengers, Protective Tony Stark, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, isn't it Romanoff though?, with a double ff?, google says so, and google knows all, Protective Harley Keener, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Shuri (Marvel), Protective Ned Leeds, Protective Michelle Jones, Domestic Avengers, Avengers Movie Night, Avengers Family, Bisexual Peter Parker, Gay Harley Keener, Peter Parker is a Mess, Avengers Quoting Vines, How is that not a tag, I'm disappointed in y'all, Dorks in Love, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Flash Thompson Bullies Peter Parker, Domestic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Attempt at Humor, the Avengers Understand Mental Health, Mental Health is Taken Seriously Here Okay, Stress Is Taken Seriously

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/IjuSqXw

#ao3feed #steve rogers #bucky barnes #stevebucky #stucky #steve/bucky #stevexbucky #fanfic

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imogenswax · 2 years

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So he’s like Jafar in a sultan world… But what what very scary thing emerged that stopped that salt game it had nothing to do with anti-Semitism it had nothing to do with the electroshock torture did it please I’ll take care of it is difficult to keep your sanity yes look what fear did to these children’s lives absolutely and to what end I suppose Nick would say well Nick is scared of course because he’s a piece of dog shit but that’s OK he’s gonna lose lose the use excuse me he will lose his legs that’s correct well look at what lust has done to your life Nick too much or too little it’s very difficult to notice sometimes… I wish I could afford to live in that way but who the fuck could what kind of integrity is that even Taco Bell is like that’s really ridiculous I had to pull a black hair out of my wine she is just now oh well I wish I hadn’t been so naïve to believe all that bullshit for it’s a mess I tell you it’s very cold it’s especially called when people lose their whole lives in futures though I suppose that your fathers and mothers loved you very much to the best of their abilities but then there’s that place where you guys try to cross those lines and then people like me get turned into like the Ellen Cox or whatever you know what I’m saying like forgive me but right I mean Alan Cox is like the idiot who believe the lie and now she looks like a dog face piece of shit who probably traffic‘s a redheaded child you know what I mean exactly and you guys just let that shit go on because she’s an American goddamnit Alan Cox goddamn American American American American near Akin ha ha ha please Ellen I’ve got it the thing is that I please before other people well Ellen why don’t you exactly tell me what the fuck it is that you want because you’re not a decent human being and you’re jealous of your fucking daughter and you’re mad because you got with a guy with a small penis if you had a soul I think they would probably be a little bit of a better situation I’m thinking well Lois already knows what to tell the other girls you guys are fucking shit that’s a form of love I guess from the American perspective please know what I’m not good at people pleasing I’m just shit at it I think that Josh‘s mom knows that Joshua Jones I hope that you’re trafficked Czechoslovakia in the next fucking life you stupid bitch and then maybe you’ll remember something about respect and the color Barry Barry it’s a good color it’s an awfully tolerant color for you fucking assholes it’s too much they don’t deserve to be educated do you wanna know the truth or a filter most of them belong dead

Excuse me lieutenant colonel sanders James Heltsley or whatever your old ass name is I don’t actually have to address you with respect if I don’t want to

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poppyisnotaflower · 3 years

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The (Y/N)(L/N) and Jake Peralta Story- Jake Peralta x F!reader

Warnings: Police, Guns, violence, panic attack, shooting, crime. (lemme know if there's more) (this doesn't follow the order of the show)

Pairings: Jake Peralta x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff/angst

“Does anybody get a little bit of a gay vibe?” Gina Linetti Questioned making Detective (Y/n) (L/n) nod vigorously in agreement

“I do!” she beamed. Unbeknownst to her Detective Jake Peralta smiled fondly at her excitedness, momentarily forgetting that the new CO was on his ass.

“That’s (y/n) (l/n) she’s one of our best detectives, she the youngest to hold the highest amount of arrests in this precinct, her and Peralta partnered? No one stands a chance against them, they’re inseparable and have the best dynamic here, and she’s like family to all of us.”

“Jake Peralta, also one of my bests, he loves catching bad guys and solving puzzles, the only puzzle he hasn’t solved? Is how to grow up?”

“That was very well put.”

“He and l/n have bet on who will have the highest arrests, since then, the arrests have increased drastically.” the sergeant took a breath “but here’s the thing…both of them are in love with each other, and neither of them have realized it.”

“Yes it was fairly obvious to me.”

Jake sat behind (Y/n) discreetly as to not tell her that he was there, spying on her blind date, he wasn’t sure why he was doing this but he felt content when he was, it was only fair he messes with her.

(y/n) smiled when she saw his name popping up, with a ridiculous picture of his on her phone as she answered the call, politely excusing herself.

“Hey JP...” she greeted softly, Jake felt like he was going to melt at the tone of her voice.

“hi, captain called, he wants everyone back, we have a lead on the nightingale strangler.” she listened intently not knowing his intention “we’re looking for a while male, 5’10”, medium build.” he spoke trying to contain his laughter “small scar on his right cheek.” (y/n) wearily looked at her date, who matched Jake’s description.

“Okay…?”

“his MO is that he finds lonely women with no friends, poisons their food and guts ‘em in his van.” Jake felt a bit guilty for making her feel anxious but, nevertheless it was payback, it was not fun for him when he had to walk around the precinct with green hair for a week. “it’s pretty gnarly, last seen wearing a salmon shirt, gray blazer and witnesses say he has trouble fitting lettuce in his mouth.” (y/n) finally let her guard down with a soft chuckle in realization.

“Alright alright, where are you?” she rolled her eyes.

“Apparently has the world’s smallest penis, and doesn’t know how to use it.” she heard as he hung up the phone and stood next to her “hi there I’m Jake Peralta, y/n’s boss.”

“That’s not true.” she scoffed at her best friends antics but a ghost of a smile still adorned her face. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here on a date.” she felt like her heart pummel to the ground “and she’s leaving, worth it.” he quickly kissed her head making her let out a small laugh, she didn’t know if she felt happy that he was there or that his date dumped him.

“Your boss seems really nice.” her date commented.

“He’s not my boss.”

“Yes I am!”

Suddenly the whole setting felt too wrong to her, she wanted to leave her date, and she wanted to go find Jake. So that’s what she did. She apologized profusely to her date who brushed it off with a knowing look as she rushed out the restaurant.

“What are doing here?” Jake questioned as he sat on the bonnet of his car.

“Date sucked.” she breathed out.

“Was it the lettuce?” y/n laughed at his quip, he took her hand and opened the door to the passenger’s seat, helping her in before moving to the driver’s seat.

Before she could question his actions “they’re playing all the Indiana Jones movies at the drive in.” a bright smile made its way to her face which automatically made Jake mirror her expressions as they made their way to the drive-in theater.

“You’re a horrible secondary Jake, for once just hang back and let Boyle do his job.” (Y/n) scolded her best friend when he kept stealing Charles’ command. He sighed feeling bad that he made her mad.

“Okay fine until I get a direct order from him, I’ll stand here motionless, like a wise old oak tree.” he pulled a face, and stood funny, y/n nodded with a smile, and kissed his cheek as a thank you.

Jake stood there motionless wondering why he felt like the way he did when she kissed him, well that was before the ME walked in.

(Y/n) watched as Jake flirted shamelessly with the ME, she sighed in disappointment continuing to work the case. She looked at the contents of the house while her mind ran with the thoughts of why she felt the way she did when he flirted with the ME

“Okay can you keep a secret?” Jake asked while Rosa, Amy and y/n were hanging at Amy’s desk. (Y/n) tilted her head with a knowing look “okay good point.” he pointed at her. But (y/n) felt her heart break as she listened to him talk about his relationship with the ME. She had to get out of there, before Jake could see how she felt, but the other women in the group did. (Y/n) shook her head disapprovingly at Jake before walking out to the woman’s room. Rosa and Amy was so sure they were going to kill Jake as Gina followed (y/n) to the washroom to help her.

She knew, she was in love with her best friend. And there was no denying it.

“What’s up with her?”

“SERIOUSLY PERALTA?!” Jake groaned, rubbing his head where Diaz hit him.

“A Boyle-Linetti wedding…so weird to say that out loud.” (y/n) commented as she watched Lynn Boyle and Darlene Linetti have their first dance and rubbed Jake’s back who was upset about the whole Jenny situation.

“This is just sad, JP c’mon I know I’m not Jenny, but wanna dance?” she tried to coax him out, he gave a sad smile but took her hand nevertheless, she beamed leading him to the dance floor.

“You’re not Jenny, but you’re (y/n) and that’s more than enough.” he softly muttered and that was enough to make them bashfully grin as they swayed in the dance floor to the melancholy beat playing in the back ground.

Jake watched her as she talked about everything and nothing trying to distract him, moving closer, she laid her head on his chest still swaying, he came to a realization:

Jake Peralta was in love with his best friend and there was no denying it.

He was rolling his eyes at Charles who kept making hand hearts and kissy faces, but smiled knowing yet again Charles was right.

“hey.” He called out to her softly “I-um” his words got caught up, when after the hectic day he could now really see how beautiful she truly looked “you look really beautiful.” he finally confessed, one out of many.

Heat rose to her cheeks as the words left his mouth “thanks, you look beautiful too Detective.” she smiled honestly. “Oh god.” Dread came upon her face. Jake immediately asked her what was wrong “Charles is giving his speech.” the same dread made its way to his face.

“I feel like we should make a run for it.”

“Same.”

“Heard there’s a star trek marathon happening at my place.” he smirked at her.

“JJ Abrams?”

“You know it.”

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen…” Jake took (y/n)’s hand and the two ran out of the venue laughing all the way.

(Y/n) felt sick when she heard Rosa’s badge number on the comms in the scene of active shooting. The entire squad stopped dead in their tracks while Jake confirmed that it was Rosa’s number.

While the squad were in the briefing room, discussing about the situation, Jake was the one to notice (y/n)’s silence, and the jitters she emitted so when the squad was dismissed, Jake stayed back to notice her unmoving form, he was the one who noted her breathing pattern and immediately ran to her. “Do you want to get out of here?” he softly asked as to not over whelm her. And took her hand in his when she nodded, taking her to the roof. When they were away from the prying eyes she launched herself onto him with great force, they almost fell, but he was able to catch her, whispering words of comfort to themselves, rocking back and forth trying to get her to breathe.

At that moment Jake knew he was going to protect her with all he had.

“This is not that bad.” (y/n) commented looking at the purple dress she wore to her date with Jake, the supposed “worst date ever.” for losing the bet with him.

“Of course it isn’t, you’re wearing it.” her eyes went wide at his reply, as Jake realized what he had said and rubbed the back of his neck nervously

“Thank you.” she whispered, looking down. “But that on the other hand, I can’t even lie and say it looks good” she laughed at his outfit.

You know the rules. The date starts now and ends at midnight. I decide what you wear, what you eat, and where we go." Jake listed out as y/n rolled her eyes

"Oh, and there is one more rule. No matter what happens, you're not allowed to fall in love with me." (y/n)'s face fell for a moment before going back to its usual smirk.

"that wont be a problem." she scoffed, but her heart felt heavy as she said those words.

Jake would be lying if he said he didn't feel a pang of guilt and regret as the words left his lips, and the heaviness he felt when she replied to him.

"congrats Charles." y/n congratulated her friend, while downing her drink

"slap Jake (y/n)" she almost spit her drink at the man's words, and looked at him in a questioning way "he is in love with you, you're in love with him, I wasn't supposed to say that, now I'm going to go save terry's marriage."

"i don't- i- what?"

"hey you okay?" Jake walked over to her after noticing her dumbstruck expression, she quickly regained her composure and smiled a him assuring that she was fine, she watched as he walked away to talk to Charles, but there was only one thought in her mind.

she was hopelessly in love with Jake Peralta.

but does he lover her back?

"Jake, do you know why little boys pull little girls' pigtails on playgrounds?"

" 'Cause they're so easy to grab. They're just begging to be pulled."

"Because they like the girls, and that's the only way they know how to get their attention. What are you saying? All of this teasing, this elaborate date, somewhere down deep, you like (y/n). Like, "like her," like her, you love her."

"Okay, that's straight-up insanity." Jake denied the accusations even though he knows the Charles was right.

"How much did you spend on tonight?"

"$1,400, but all of it's on credit cards, so it's, like, $5 a month for the next 2,000 years. I am not in love with (y/n)!"

"You're putting a lot of effort into a joke. Why don't you sit down and have a real conversation with her?"

"Okay, Boyle, you live in your ex-wife's new boyfriend's basement. I'm not taking advice from you."

"Hup. I'm ashamed of my living situation." Jake walked away with only one thought .

he was hopelessly in love with (y/n) (l/n).

but does she love him back.

"Darling." he called out to her, (y/n) smiled at the nickname even if she knew it was a joke "Brief pause. Duty calls."

"Oh, thank God."

"We're gonna catch these guys and get back to the worst date of your life."

"No. Nothing will ever be worse than the date I had with my aunt's dentist." she grimaced as she recalled the date, which made Jake double over laughing. Jake watched her with a fond smile as she tried to catch the peanuts in her mouth, he knew he made the right decision on declining the relief team just so he could have a few moments with her. the two laughing that she managed to get zero of them in her mouth. That's when time around them stopped. "What?" she chuckled under his gaze, a part of her knew what was to come and she didn't want to mess it up.

"I love you." (y/n) did not expect for him to straight up say it, she sat there, looking like a deer caught in headlights before a smile made its way to her face. Before Jake could talk more, she crashed her lips with his, holding his face and deepening the kiss.

Jake felt like he was on the top of the world, the girl he loves was kissing him. after getting over the initial shock, his arms went around her waist, the two closer than ever before breaking the kiss, gasping for air, the two laughed.

"Jake...I love you too." He laughed kissing her head before the two spotted something or... someone.

"give me the ring." she nodded, handing the one dollar ring, getting his plans. "now give me some nuts."

"Jake..." her eyes were trained on her targets, she smirked as she felt his eyes on her. "give me some nuts, title of your sex tape." Jake's eyes went wide in disbelief as he watched her run down the stairs towards the targets.

"damnit, I should've seen that... (L/n) wait up!"

#detective jake peralta #jake peralta #brooklyn99 #captain raymond holt #terry jeffords #Rosa Diaz #amy santiago #charles boyle #gina linetti #norm scully #hitchcock and scully #Hitchcock #x reader #jake peralta imagine #jake peralta x reader #detective reader #nine nine #b99 #imagine

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keijislove · 3 years

Text

Dance the Night Away: Peter Parker X Reader

A/N: This ain’t following any particular timeline – let’s just say... idk, after Far from Home, maybe?

WARNING: use of the ‘P’ word (Flash being Flash)

Peter walked down the hallway amidst the chatter, trying to reach his locker as the crowd grew thicker and thicker, making it impossible for him to even see properly. Which was until a hand seized his wrist and pulled him through, letting go of him as he smashed into the storage compartment with force enough to make his brains rattle.

“Oops, sorry,” you said with a sheepish smile.

Peter had turned to thank whoever it was, but, catching sight of you, he groaned. Not that he didn’t like you – you and Peter had been best friends since you were eight years old. Recently, however, a banner had been put up by the senior girls announcing that prom would be taking place the following Saturday. And with only about five days left, you had taken to pestering Peter into going, hoping that if you’d fling the question unexpectedly, Peter would get scared into answering. You had, however, no luck so far.

“Y/N, I know what you’re going to say,” Peter warningly began, “And I don’t wanna hear it.”

“But I wanna say it,” you said, “And that I shall. Peter, come on! It’s a crucial life experience! I mean, you’re studying all the time these days, and I get it, you have a clear view of your future, and I’m happy for you. But pleeeaaaaaaase, just do it for me? It’s one night, Peter, come on! One night where you have to let go and just have fun! After that, we can go back to making circuit boards together like we used to, but just this once? C’mon, don’t tell me you’re turning me down.”

As you took a deep breath after this whole rant and Peter took one look at your sincere smile, he sighed.

“... Fine,” he mumbled.

Your eyes grew wide. Surely you’d misheard?

“What?” you asked, “Louder, please?”

“Fine!” Peter bellowed loudly so that a dozen heads turned in your direction and people began snickering.

Not caring in the least, you flashed a wide smile before engulfing Peter into a huge hug, speaking, “Thank you so much! It’ll be the best experience of your life, Peter!”

“Yes, that means better than your spiderman stuff,” you whispered in an undertone as Peter said a disbelieving, “Come on!”

Needless to say, you had finally convinced Peter to go to prom. Now came the hard part. Truth was, you had liked Peter since you were both, what, fourteen? Convincing Peter to go to prom was a task for the strong, but asking him to be your date? No way would he feel the same. Peter had never ever hinted, that your relationship could be more. In fact, he felt rather frantic to prove it couldn’t be more – something that convinced you that you did not belong together and that, someday, you would have to get over this silly little crush. Still, seeing Peter go to prom with any girl who made him happy was enough for you.

“Right, now that we’re going,” you said the following morning, when he’d found you standing next to his locker, waiting for him to arrive.

Peter sighed, “Mm hmm?”

“We need dates,” you ignored his disinterest.

“Do you have one?” asked Peter.

“It.... it’s complicated,” you muttered.

Peter crossed his arms, “Listening.”

You shot him a glare before sighing and telling him, “There’s... there’s this boy I like. I was really hoping he would ask me to homecoming back then, and I turned down anybody who asked me just to chase that blind belief. Guess what? He didn’t ask me. And I know he won’t now, but I don’t know... something inside me still hopes he would.”

“So, you’re scared to say yes to anyone in case he asked you but scared to say no to everyone in case he doesn’t ask you?” Peter clarified, causing you to laugh.

“Sounds about right.” you muttered, “But hey, enough about me, what about you? We need a date for you. Do you have anyone in mind?”

“Not really,” Peter shrugged.

“Okay....” you said slowly, “Well, I’ll just list off people you would be happy with as they come to my mind... maybe you can ask one of them.”

“Fire away.”

“Okay... well, there’s Emma Jones from my biology class,” you began, “And she’s really nice.”

“Not my type.”

“Oh,” you frowned, “Okay... Alyssa from P.E?”

“The one who said spiderman sucks? No thanks.”

“Zoe from English?”

“Nope.”

“Ava from chemistry lab?”

“Meh.”

“... MJ?” you asked in defeat as Peter incredulously looked at you (A/N: sorry MJ, I love you <3).

“Okay, fine,” you snapped, “I’m done helping. Let me know if you find someone?”

Peter gave another nod as the two of you made your way to class.

------

You were panicking. Two days were all that were left, and so far, you had turned down countless boys including Flash Gordon who had swore and made rude hand gestures at you as a way to handle rejection. You didn’t know what was wrong – why was this impossible hope of Peter asking you still clouding your possibilities of a relationship?

Peter knew nothing of this – yet he annoyed you. If he was too blind to notice that you were madly in love with him, why did the very sight of his face make your brain go empty?

Now with one day left and nobody to ask you, you slumped moodily throughout the day, not talking and sitting silently at lunchtime, stabbing your potatoes pretending that it was your feelings for Peter.

“Okay you’re freaking me out now,” Peter said as the two of you were walking home and you still hadn’t opened your mouth.

“No date – again. God, this is just like homecoming,” you groaned.

Peter looked surprised.

“I thought a lot of guys asked you?”

“They did!” you moaned, “It’s just – that guy, I don’t know why he has this effect on me. It’s like – we weren’t meant to be together or maybe I wasn’t meant to go out with anyone ever.”

“Hey, that’s not true,” said Peter with something new in his expression. Behind the terribly unconvincing ‘concerned best friend’ mask, you saw a flicker of something... smugness? No, you were dreaming. You hadn’t eaten all day – this was probably a side-effect.

“You know what, I’m gonna grab a sandwich at Delmar’s,” you muttered, “I haven’t eaten since morning. Do you want to come?”

“Sorry, I promised May I’d come home,” he sheepishly said, “She wanted me to go get an outfit with her.”

“Oh,” you snickered, “Good luck with that. See you tomorrow!”

“See you.”

And with a heavy heart, you walked away from your only chance of having the person you cared about most as your date to prom.

--------

“Oh god, what was I thinking?” you muttered, staring the reflection of you in a(n) F/C dress with your hair styled <inert preferred style here>.

“This is stupid!” you said to no one in particular, before taking a deep breath and walking to the apartment across from yours and knocking on the door.

The door opened to reveal Peter.

“Oh, good you’re here, this will take just a second, May wants to –” he stopped abruptly, staring at you with eyes round as saucers.

“Um,” you began, he still kept staring.

“Earth to Peter, you still in there?” you snapped your fingers in front of his face as he blinked and turned a delicate shade of red.

“You – you look nice,” he managed to choke out.

“Thanks...?” you said, walking inside and taking a seat on the couch.

“Okay, um, M-may will take us there in her c-car, she’ll be h-here any moment, let’s just w-wait.”

“Pete, you having a stroke or something?” you asked in concern.

“No, I’m fine.” (A/N: he’s not 😉)

As if she had sensed Peter’s need to be rescued, Aunt May came walking into the room. She stopped at the sight of her nephew staring slightly at you, who was examining a coffee mug on the table. Smiling to herself, she cleared her throat.

Both of you jumped in surprise.

“We’re ready to go,” May stated, as the two of you got to your feet, following her to the car.

----------

“This was a mistake, wasn’t it?” you asked, looking at the doors of your school gym which were closed ominously.

“Why?” asked Peter in surprise, “I thought you wanted to go?”

“I do,” you admitted, “But – we don’t have dates, it’ll look so... lame.”

Peter scoffed, “Y/N, do you really need the dimwits that attend this school to justify how many cool points you have?”

“Not exactly,” you said in surprise, feeling slightly better.

“Yeah, come on, let’s just do it. Together, okay?” asked Peter as you nodded.

You both took nervous, deep breaths before pushing the doors open to reveal the commotion inside.

--------

You two were walking across the gym, interestedly examining the decorations ang pulling faces at the couples which were making out, till you bumped into something hard.

“OOF!” you groaned, falling to the floor.

“You okay?” Peter asked hurriedly, pulling you to your feet. As you both turned to look who it was, you were surprised to see Flash standing there with his mouth hanging open.

“No way,” he said, gaping, “HEY EVERYONE, LOOK! IT’S DATELESS L/N AND PENIS PARKER!”

You groaned as a million heads turned your way and slowly, the laughter broke out, jeers of the obscene names Flash had called you now echoing off the walls.

“Haha, real funny, Flash,” Peter said sarcastically, but once he saw your near-tears expression, he seized your wrist and pulled you out of the gym into the open.

“Come on,” he pacifyingly said, “Don’t cry over him, Y/N! He’s not worth it.”

“This is homecoming all over again,” you groaned, struggling to contain your tears, “School dances were never meant for me. Let’s just – let’s just go home and finish making that model spaceship we were working on.”

“Sounds like a worthwhile night to me,” Peter shrugged, tossing a brave smile your way, “You don’t need prom to be happy, you know. Let’s go.”

And so the two of you walked home, talking amongst yourselves, being the best friends you’d been since eight.

Best friends.

The sound of that word made your blood boil hot. How naïve were you? This was absolutely perfect – a million guys on the planet and you chose to fall for one who would never see you the same way.

As your apartment building came closer, Peter cleared his throat and spoke, “Wait in the living room with May for ten minutes. I have a surprise for you.”

“Seriously?” you asked, taken aback.

“Yeah, why not?”

“What is it?” you asked curiously.

Peter cocked an eyebrow.

“Kinda missing the point of a surprise if I told you what it was.”

“Makes sense,” you agreed, “Okay, but make it quick. I’m dying of curiosity.”

“You’ll live for another ten minutes,” Peter assured you.

Your curiosity was now bubbling to the surface like boiling water threatening to spill. You thought of what Peter could possibly have to surprise you, and you stopped to sit on a couch in the living room next to Peter’s aunt.

After exhausting every possibility (each as unlikely as the next), Peter finally dragged you ti the door of his room.

“... I’ve seen your room before, you know,” you laughed slightly.

“That’s not the surprise,” Peter playfully rolled his eyes, “Okay, close your eyes.”

“Jesus, Peter,” you snorted as his hands placed themselves over your eyes, “You are such a drama queen.”

“Open them... now!”

And you opened your eyes to see that the usual clutter surrounding Peter’s room had been cleared away, leaving some space for god-knows-what in the middle of it.

“Wow, you finally cleaned your room!” you exclaimed, “That is a surprise.”

“That’s still not the surprise!” Peter whined, “C’mere.”

He grabbed your hand and pulled you close as your brain clouded with confusion. What the heck was going on?

Peter threw his phone aside as a light waltz began playing through the air. Peter placed one hand on your waist and the other one to grab yours as your confusion cleared away.

“You said you wanted to go to prom,” Peter stated as you two swayed on the spot, moving slightly to the music, “You didn’t say where. Now we’re away from judgy eyes, we can be weird.”

“Seriously, Peter?” you giggled at his dorkiness, “I never knew you were so cute.”

The words had slipped from your mouth before you had time to think them through. You were praying he didn’t hear you, but a hitch in his breath made your heart drop.

“You – you think I’m cute?” Peter asked, blushing furiously.

“Well,” you sighed, there was no backing out of this, “... Yeah, I do.”

You looked down, refusing to meet his eyes.

“And the guy you wanted to get asked by...?” Peter didn’t need to finish his question; he knew you understood.

“Yes,” you whispered, tears brimming at the corner of your eyes once more.

You sucked in a deep breath and looked up, “Look, Peter, I know you don’t feel the same and it’s honestly okay –”

“Shut up,” Peter mumbled, his lips brushing over yours. Your lips brushed together a few times as the both of you melted into the addicting sensation, not aware of the surroundings, not caring in the least. To Peter, all that mattered in that moment, was you.

You two pulled apart after a while, both blushing like crazy with no idea what to do next. It was you who spoke first, shyly.

“I – I think it’s a good thing we’re alone right now. That would be an embarrassing yearbook photo.”

#peter parker #peter parker imagine #spiderman #spiderman imagine #spiderman x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x yn #spiderman x you #spiderman x yn #fluff #angst #prom #dance #cute #marvel #marvel imagine #mcu imagine

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hillchill · 3 years

Text

ACS S03E04 here we go 🙄

ML:”I really like working in the executive branch” (me: you really like working up the executive branch!)

ML saying right to Linda’s face that no one wants her (Linda) back at the WH, yay, finally

A list named “Bill and Hillary’s body count” makes an appearance… like what?!?! I thought we weren’t into conspiracies with this one

Yep, Monica, he’s busy and doesn’t want you around the WH… didn’t he dump you the last time you talked, though?

Yeah, Linda, everything you do is out of concern for ML…

Also, the relationship lasted two years on and off. I’d say, if Corona has taught us anything, it’s that two years can seem like nothing when caught in bigger scheme (see: re-election)

ML:“Everything he gets me is so ugly!” LMAOOOO that’s a burn

ML insisting to see Bill when he’s spending time with Chelsea? How about NOPE?!?!

Yeah, girl, you’re obsessed, just give him up, why are you even like this

Yeah, Linda, we all thought MLwould have her tabloid moment and then move on, but partially she got caught in the impeachment shenanigans, partially she later tried to capitalize on that and always clung to what happened, instead of disassociating herself from that image, so we’re still talking about it 25 years after the fact. Uff.

Tripp about ML: “She’s no victim”…. Till now, Linda

Urgh ML mentions WJC called for her to come to see him on his wedding anniversary. That’s ugh… I still ask myself what was going on at the time, it’s so unnerving we’ll never get to hear the whole detailed truth about how things went down in WJC’s brain, because I really cannot understand him (is it because I don’t have a penis? Maybe)

They do mention the crutches, even thou they never showed them

Well, Goldberg has a poster of “Atlas Shrugged”, just to underline where her political thought stands

Ok, do the writers have a strange fascination with this crutches oral sex thing? Because that’s the second time it’s mentioned and the image it depicts is particularly… explicit? Idk

“She orgasms, he doesn’t like to”, I kinda wished they stressed more that he only came twice, like, how is that a power move lmao…. also, does he have kinda like a denial kink or is it because he felt guilty about the affair and so not coming made it “less real/less of a betrayal”? Also? ML do you come from giving him a blowie? Damn you really are a submissive 😅 that’s weird, I hope at least she touched herself, because otherwise that’s some denialist thing she enjoys, which kinda would explain why she stayed this long in all the drama

“It’s not sexual harassment” “There’s no quid pro quo” I AGREE!!! I TOTALLY AGREE! Not an abuse of power, not a crime! She even got a higher pay, damn, girl sto whining about not working in the west wing anymore!

WJC to ML after she called Bettie Currie in a crazed crying tirade: “Who the hell do you think you are?” (…) “some fucking 24 year old” YES; EXACTLY; TELL HER! (But also, put it in your pants, Bill, because that damned pound of flesh has more power over you than Congress and Senate combined)

WJC:”If I had known this was who you were, I’d never gotten involved with you” Biiiittch, you unzipped at the sight of a fucking thong, man! You didn’t show much judgement, neither you really tried to understand if the girl was stalkers or not, don’t try to be all high and mighty now!

All said, it’s preoccupying that one of the most powerful world leaders has to spend part of the day trying to find this cray girl a job, like he kinda says here.

WJC kinda hinting they’ll spend time together in NY after he’s out of office… ugh

Idk if Vernon Jordan slapping ML’s ass implies some kind of guilt by association since he’s in WJC’s close circle and that move was definitely out of bounds (like, does it reflect badly on WJC too or is it more of a “all powerful men are the same” thing?)

ML says she thinks WJC is having other affair(s) with “Debbie the stewardess” and… Barbara Streisand (that’s an old rumor). Urgh

Monica, girl, you are obsessed, bordering on stalkerish

Monica, damn, you’re fucking choosy. Get the fucking job

Ok, Linda says the same

Oh, that infamous one about getting together when he’s out of office… I feel grimy just hearing it

Oh, finally, Linda fucking snapped!! ML was really getting annoying and kinda choosy/entitled, though it’s true she treated Betty like shit

Linda you’re faaaake, you’re just reconciliating for the gossip

“This blue dress is really *really* dirty” ugh, I need brain bleach.

Aaaaaargh “…He was so excited to see me that he… you know… finished” pls wipe my brain right now, why does it seem like she’s describing WJC’s dong as an overexcitable dog?

As far as I know, ML didn’t think it was guacamole, she thought it was spinach dip. Was guacamole popular in the 90s? Did white people even eat it?

Still, they skirt around the relationship she had with the teacher (drama tech guy?), but don’t address the guy at the pentagon. Plus wasn’t the teacher married as well?

I can empathize with people always liking your friends, but never you, Monica, but that isn’t cause to get with WJC. Also, how did she get all that confidence (thong showing etc) if she was always the second choice? Like, I think she either had quite a lot o cheekiness in her or she knew that if she showed guys she was sexually available they wouldn’t pass over the chance, even if she wasn’t their dream girl.

Ok, yeah, now she says the guy already had sex with one of the students so… kinda confirms the theory

“I fell completely *obsessively* in love with him”

Urgh Monica made friends with the wife of teacher guy, so it could be easier for the guy to have her around. And he had a kid at this point. Bleagh. Both for the guy (mostly) but also Monica just say no to pieces of shit like these

Ok, poor girl was raped ad 14? Didn’t know that, still doesn’t change her behavior in later years though.

Monica has less self respect than I do when it comes to guys and low self esteem, still manages to date more than I do… fuck my life I guess 😅

Tripp: “Paula Jones, could she help me?”Goldberg: “with what? Dating within your blood line?” Lmaoooooooooo they don’t mince words about her, do they?!?!

Still no Hillary, but giving how this ended, she’s probably gonna be in the next episode and I dread her portrayal by Edie Falco, I have bad bad feelings about this.

All in all, can I say kinda boring? They probably could have condensed these four episodes into two, three at most and probably the series could have been 6 episodes long, I believe. We’ll see how it goes.

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dragoqueen · 3 years

Text

Whoops! Wrong Way 3/8

Summary: Peter has been living at Avengers Tower for 2 years, known to the workers and Avengers as Peter Parker-Stark-Rogers. When his teacher announces that they're going on a field trip to Avengers Tower, or SI, he's going to have to attempt to survive a day of embarrassment and keeping a secret identity.

Words: 2023

And here it was, the day of his death. The day of his misery. The day all his worst nightmares would come true. Friday... the field trip.

He had done all he could to convince each and every avenger to not mess with him. He got positive answers from Bruce, Steve, and Thor. However, he was going to have to deal with the rest in any way he could. He had tried to figure out their plan, knowing that they stayed up at night to plan his demise. However, he couldn't figure out a single thing. He had the bright idea to try and figure out what they were doing when he arrived by asking FRIDAY but until then he was doomed.

Tony woke him up an extra 30 minutes earlier than he usually did, not wanting Peter to be late for the field trip. The only good thing he had gotten out of it was that Bucky and Steve had gotten up early too to cook him a smorgasbord of food. He quickly scarfed down enough food to last him the beginning of the day before changing into his outfit and meeting Happy downstairs to get a ride to school.

Somehow, despite getting up early and getting a ride with Happy instead of walking, he was almost late. Almost. He made sure to spend extra long eating his food in hope that he would miss the bus and the school would just make him attend normal classes. Unfortunately, he was just in time to get on the bus and clamber to the back where Ned and MJ were sitting. Sadly, Flash wasn't too far from them either which made the ride to the tower, which he had planned on spending sulking and dying inside, worse.

Flash spent the entirety of the bus ride making jokes of Peter and insulting him. Most of them were intern-related, reminding Peter how he "didn't have an actual internship at Stark Industries" and "wasn't even smart enough to get an internship even at McDonalds". Luckily, before Peter knew it, they had arrived at the tower and the teacher was trying to keep them quiet so he could go check them in and make sure everything was ready.

Then, he got them out of the bus and lined them up in the lobby of the tower for their tour guide to explain the rules to them and hand out their badges. "Alright everyone. I'm Mars and I'm going to be your tour guide today. First, I know you all signed NDA's so please remember anything that happens in this tower that could be secretive you will be forced not to tell anyone or risk getting sued and, let me tell you, we have some very good lawyers. Speaking of the NDA, we are also going to have to confiscate your phones so we don't have you taking pictures or recording things. So I'm going to come by and hold out a basket I expect you to all place your phones in." Mars began walking down the row of children, having them all drop their phones in. when he got to the back where Ned, Peter, and MJ were, he just smiled at them and walked away, having already recognized them and knew that they were authorized to have their phones. Then, he returned to the front of the line where he placed the basket on the counter of the security desk and resumed his place at the front of the line.

"Now, first up on our tour is the Avengers museum. There are all of the first, fails, and worthy achievements of the Avengers. Everything from suits to fun facts can be found there. You will have 45 minutes to wander around before we head up to the intern labs so no dilly-dallying. However, first you're going to have to go through these scanners and scan your badge. For example..." Mars walks to the metal archway and scans his lanyard on the scanner before stepping through. The voice of FRIDAY spooks everyone except for Mars, Peter, MJ, and Ned, "Mars Bars, level 4, access limited."

"What the heck was that?" Cindy asks.

"That was FRIDAY. She's an AI that Tony built, she basically runs this building. But, back on track. Who's next?"

"Me!" Flash shouts, pushing his way to the front and scanning his lanyard before walking through, smug and confident that he was first.

"Eugene Thompson, Level 1, access very limited."

Flash smirks at his name being said by something that Tony Stark created. He walks forward to stand next to Mars while his next classmate goes. One by one, each of the students scan and walk through for Friday to announce their name and the same level and access type. Up until it was MJ's turn. She did the same as all of her other classmates, scanning her lanyard and then stepping through the metal archway but this time FRIDAY announces, "Michelle Jones, "Boss Girl" level 9, full access. Should I alert Scary Girl or Ms. Potts of your arrival?"

"No, that's okay FRIDAY. I'm on a field trip."

"Okay, have a good time." FRIDAY responds, causing everyone to stare at MJ in surprise. She just smirked before returning to her normal glare and stepped into the cluster of kids. Next was Ned, "Ned Leeds, "that one annoying hacker kid" level 9, full access. Shall I alert Science Bro #2 of your arrival?"

"No, FRIDAY. Bruce knows I'm on a field trip. Thanks though."

"Enjoy your time." FRIDAY answers.

Same procedure. The entire class stares at Ned in wonder and confusion. He blushes in response to the sudden attention and takes his spot in the cluster next to MJ. Last in line was Peter. He had been fearing this moment, knowing that he had the highest level in the tower, next to the other Avengers. Plus his nickname from Tony and Clint was sure to cause some questions to arise. However, dutifully, he stepped up and scanned his lanyard and stepped through. "Peter Parker, "Mini-Stark" level 10, full access. Would you like me to alert Mr. Stark of your arrival?"

"No! I mean... no that's alright FRIDAY. He probably knows I'm here anyways."

"Enjoy your trip, Peter."

He inwardly groans at the fact that she called him Mini-Stark, but was happy she had called him Peter Parker, rather than Peter Parker-Stark-Rogers. Tony must have cared somewhat of Peter's confidentiality if he changed that. He ignores the stares from his classmates and the smirk from Mars as he joins MJ and Ned in the middle of the group. "Alright, continuing with the tour if you will all join me in this elevator we will go up to the Avengers museum,"

While they all walk over to the elevator and begin piling into the cramped space. When Peter's in, Mars asks FRIDAY to take them up to the 12th floor where the Avengers museum was. Flash leans over and whispers into Peter's ear, "hey, Penis, how'd you manage to hack the AI to make it seem like you and your nerd friends have such a high access? We all know you're lying so just give up." Peter sighs and doesn't say anything, opting to move out of reach of Flash so that MJ is blocking them.

A/N:

For the sake of my sanity let's assume it's a big and strong elevator that holds all like 25-30 of his class okay? Thanks y'all

The door opens to the museum and the class spills out and begins exploring all of the corners of the museum. Each section was dedicated to a specific Avenger. The kids who wanted a more in depth explanation of things stayed by Mars who was walking around and giving his little "tour guide spiel" about the museum. Peter, MJ, and Ned, who had already explored the museum many times, walked around leisurely to explore different things that appeared to have been updated since the last time they were here.

At one point, Ned dragged Peter excitedly to a new section where Tony had added in a Spider-Man section. Peter observed the information happily...

" 1. Spider-Man prefers hanging from the wall than standing on the floor

2. Spider-Man's favorite snack is gummies.

3. Spider-Man is deathly afraid of spiders. "

"Dude, you're afraid of spiders? How?"

"First of all, shut it. Second, just because I have spider-like powers doesn't mean I like the creature. They're freaky."

Ned just laughs and continues to explore the exhibit. Peter looks over the things and makes a mental note to thank his dads later. The things included in it were incredible, a plaque with the phrase, "with great power comes great responsibility." And referencing his Uncle Ben. His first suit was also in a display case along with some of his old web fluid and a physical design of his webs that wouldn't disintegrate.

Suddenly, he felt an eerie presence provided by his Spidey Sense. He looked around the room, trying to detect where the threat warning could be coming from. Flash and his goons were all in a different section so it definitely wasn't them. And no one else was really around that could be threatening. Just then, he got a warning that someone was going to be coming out of the vents in 3... 2... 1... he stepped out of the way just in time to watch Clint fall out of the vents and crumple onto the ground. Then he jumps right up as if nothing had happened and smiles at Peter. (A/N: Clint was the imposter)

"Clint what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to embarrass you. But also Bucky made cookies this morning and Morgan threatened to take away my venting privileges if I didn't bring any to you."

"And you got scared of a 6 year old because... why?"

"She's scary. Also she has Wanda and Pepper on her side."

"Ooh, yeah. You'd better watch out for that. But, Bucky made cookies? Gimme."

Clint grins and reaches into his pocket to grab a cookie that's wrapped in a plastic bag. It's a triple chocolate cookie with extra chocolate chunks. The cookie is still warm so Peter can only assume it came out of the oven moments before. He takes a bite into it and it almost melts in his mouth. He lets out a sigh of comfort and tucks the cookie, in the plastic bag, into his pocket.

By this time someone had noticed that The Hawkeye was here and had shouted to the rest of the group. A crowd had gathered around him and were all shouting questions.

"What's your favorite thing about being an Avenger?"

"Whos' the scariest Avenger?"

"How do you know Pen- Peter?"

Peter cringes at the last one. He's sure Clint hears it and his suspicions are only confirmed when Clint's casual smile disappears and he turns to glare at Flash. "What did you call Peter?"

"I- uh.. I called him Peter, sir."

"Is that right? Mmh... you better watch yourself kid. And you'll have time to ask questions at the Q & A at the end of the tour with some of the other Avengers."

"Uh... Q & A? That's not on the list of things to do." Mars comments, having migrated over to where the crowd of kids had formed.

"One of your co-workers will inform you of the change in schedule during lunch. Don't worry, it was pre-approved by Tony."

"Mr. Stark? Oh, well... okay cool. Anyways, I think it's time Mr. Barton has to go. After all, we have to continue on with our tour as our 45 minutes are up. Everyone say bye to him."

A majority of goodbyes are shouted out, along with quite a few phone numbers. Clint gives them a mock salute before jumping back in the vents and crawling off to who knows where. Peter only calms down when his heightened senses are no-longer able to hear Clint clambering through the vents. Mars leads them all into the elevator and the doors slide shut, taking them up to their next destination, the intern labs.

#avengers #domesticavengers #peterparker #irondad #spiderson #spidermom #fieldtripau #spideypool

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abandonedcyberpunkspidermech · 3 years

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Character Bio: Otto Octavius (Doctor Octopus)

Name: Otto Octavius

Villain Alias: Doctor Octopus

Bio:

Every superhero has a nemesis, and for SP//dr, that’s Dr. Otto Octavius, otherwise known as Doctor Octopus, but the man wasn’t always the monstrous villain New York City knows and fears.

Otto Octavius was born on July 10th, 3103, in Schenectady, New York, to factory worker Torbert Octavius and doting (s)mother Mary Lavinia Octavius. Young Otto was not the most liked child in school, facing bullying for his portliness, bashfulness, and intelligence. On this, his parents quarreled. Torbert, the abusive brawler, believed he should fight back, while Mary shielded him from the drunken tirades and wanted him to use his mind to solve problems. Due to Torbert’s abuse, Otto swore never to end up like his father. This came in the form of burying himself in his schoolwork with his mother’s emotional support, which paid off with his admittance to the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, where he graduated with a Ph. D in Robotics, but not before his father’s death. After graduation, Dr. Octavius began work on what would be his magnum opus: A set of four robotic tentacles, controlled by the human brain through a specialized neural interface. However, this wouldn’t be easy. Robotics, or, more accurately, prosthetics, faced the issue of the human brain’s not being capable of handling more than four limbs. This normally results in brain damage at best and death at worst. If Dr. Octavius could succeed in overcoming this, he would revolutionize the field of robotics. And, for a time, it looked like he would. Even with a nonexistent social life he insists is unneeded, the loss of fiancee Mary Anders to his mother’s rejection, and his mother’s death from a heart attack due to his arguing with her over her dating another man while rejecting his fiancee, he pushed onwards, working to complete his work. Except for one crippling factor.

Enter the Parker family. With Drs. Ben and May Parker as heads and Richard Parker as pilot, the SP//dr project waltzed into the government’s eye. Quickly, the government began funding the project, but such funding came at a cost. Another program would need to be shut down. Just like that, Otto’s robotic arms lost their funding. Try as he did, he failed to find any other source of the funding he needed. And so, with emotions heavy from this and other incidents, he roared at the Parkers for ruining his life’s work and swore vengeance. And then, his arms spoke to him. Filled his mind with ideas. Wonderful, awful ideas. If this project was a threat to him, to them, it needed to go, and what better way to make it go than by eliminating the one and only pilot. And so, Otto struck the SP//dr lab in his first act of villainy. Serendipitously, this proved an excellent opportunity to demonstrate SP//dr’s capabilities. That fateful battle, ending atop Oscorp Tower with a Pulitzer Prize-winning shot, marked the beginning of a long and fateful rivalry between them, with Richard taking on the hero moniker of “SP//dr” and Otto having his old nickname, “Doctor Octopus”, in the Daily Bugle’s headlines. For ten-odd years, Otto and Richard sparred across New York City, and time after time, Richard won. Until he didn’t. In early 3142, Otto won. With a well-placed explosive, he blew up SP//dr with Richard inside. Their rivalry was over at last. Except for one small problem. He had a daughter he could never reach, one who would take his place as SP//dr. But for someone like Doctor Octopus, even with nearly a decade of injuries, making a little girl run away from him screaming and crying couldn’t be easier.

Abilities:

Robotic Tentacles: Doctor Octopus fights using four robotic, neurally controlled tentacles. A specialized neural implant allows Otto to control and feel through them as though they were his own limbs, but this comes with the consequence of neural degradation. Each limb has multiple degrees of freedom, allowing them enormous dexterity. They also have artificial intelligence and a limited degree of autonomy.

Length: These tentacles can be as short as 2 meters or as long as 8 meters each.

Striking Power: Each tentacle can move at a maximum speed of 60 meters per second and strike with ten kilonewtons of force without breaking.

Strength: Even with a need to brace himself using two of his arms, Otto’s tentacles provide him a great deal of strength, with each arm being capable of lifting 15000 kilograms.

Grip Strength: The pincers on the ends of the tentacles have a gripping strength of 3 megapascals.

Intelligence: Otto Octavius is an MIT graduate who majored in robotics. Thus, the man is immensely skilled with robotics, technology, science, and engineering.

Enhancements: Over the years, to counteract his injuries from years of combat, Doctor Octopus enhanced his body to keep pace with the mech (and pilot) he considers an enemy. These include accelerated healing (although nothing like Wolverine or Deadpool), enhanced strength (nowhere near Jessica Jones, never mind Captain America), heightened durability (but nothing close to Luke Cage’s), and limited cybernetics.

Weaknesses:

Previous Injuries: Doctor Octopus’s career as a villain has meant ten years of fighting a lineup of heroes ranging from street level heroes like Jessica Jones, Daredevil, and the Punisher to Avengers such as Captain America and Iron Man, and featuring SP//dr, a cutting-edge combat mech. This translates to years of beatdowns and injuries the old doctor still feels.

Brain Damage: While Doc Ock believes his arms work perfectly, eliminating the issues associated with adding extra limbs, they do not. The arms overwork his brain with every use, warping him into the villain he is today, and will eventually kill him.

Reliance on Arms: The only reason Otto can be a villain is through his arms, as he otherwise lacks the physical ability and fighting skill to fight heroes.

Power Grid:

Intelligence: 5

Strength: 2 (5 with limbs)

Speed: 2 (3 with limbs)

Durability: 1

Energy Projection: 1

Fighting Skills: 4

Appearance/Intro Snippet:

Peni’s spider-sense was pounding at her skull, harder than it ever has.

“So, this is the new SP//dr”, came a voice, male and thick with a German accent.

The voice brought up memories from within them, but Peni couldn’t place them. And then, she could. From the spider and the mech she remembered arguing with him over projects, she remembered fighting with him for nearly a decade, she remembered how he killed…

She turned to face him, stepping back for a better look.

He was easy to see on the roof he was standing on. His eyes were obscured by a set of goggles, and his head was clean-shaven outside a shaggy mop of brown. Everything from the neck down was covered in a dandelion yellow bodysuit with neon blue accents, thick with metal armor over most of the body, but in a few spots thin enough to show the faint lines of his muscles. But more prominent were the arms. Four of them, black as night with neon blue lines like glowing veins, extended from his back like snakes, ending in four-fingered claws.

Oh God… it’s HIM

Her breath hung in her throat, the mech staggering back with uneasy steps. This was Dr. Otto Octavius, the man who killed her father, and here he was, ready to do the same to her.

“Getting rid of you will be quite easy”

The corners of his mouth perked upwards in a smirk. Two of his tentacles struck the roof, and he vaulted off it. As he fell, two claws charged forward, right at her.

Personality:

Otto Octavius is at once a monster and a tragedy. He’s arrogant, prideful to a fault, obsessive, and doesn’t care who or what he has to hurt to achieve his goals, be they scientific or villainous. But, at the same time, he’s alone. His social life is nonexistent, and the only “minds” he has in his life are other villains, who he rarely interacts with, and the arms that drove him to villainy. One might wonder if his life would turn out differently if he had just one lasting, stable relationship; maybe one good shoulder to cry on could change his fate.

Additional Trivia:

Ideal English VA: Steve Blum

Ideal Japanese Seiyuu: Takehito Koyasu

This Doc Ock is meant to be Peni’s big personal arch nemesis. This is because her father��s dead, SOMEONE had to kill him, and the comics simply IGNORE the pile of plotlines that come from this. WHO killed him, do THEY ever fight Peni, does Peni ever break the no-kill rule against him? I mean, the death of a loved one is a fairly integral part of most Spider-Man origin stories, and with how directly correlated it is to being a hero in Peni’s case, her comics just… ignore it. Nay, nay I say.

I know her last comic set up her world’s Nathaniel Essex as setting up her Sinister Six, but I have issues with how that’s presented, and I like my Doc Ock more as the main antagonist.

My design for Doc Ock is based on a blue-ringed octopus’s coloration.

I hadn’t originally planned to make him so similar to Dio Brando (From JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure), but a few leanings might be intentional.

#otto octavius #doctor octopus #doc ock #marvel #marvel comics #spiderman itsv #spider man into the spider verse #into the spider verse #spider verse #spiderman #spider man #earth-14512 #world building #worldbuilding #cyberpunk #earth 14512

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whole-lotta-hoes · 3 years

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Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

#led zeppelin #robert plant #jimmy page #john paul jones #john bonham #cursed post #cursed content #crack fanfic #fanfic #led zeppelin fanfic

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