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#here’s to being even more gay next year
deancaskiss · 1 year
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rb to have a super gay 2023
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hella1975 · 1 year
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me and my (also bi) flatmate were talking about date guy last week and out of nowhere she goes 'if you get a boyfriend im gonna be so annoyed we haven't even done anything gay together yet' and like i laughed it off but i keep remembering it bc we dont have a flirty friendship AT ALL like even in the moment it came WAY out of left field and im just here like hold on was gay shit ON THE TABLE??? NO ONE TOLD ME
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exopelagic · 3 months
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A list of things I’m frustrated by:
#1. my right skate won’t fucking tighten right it’s being stiff so I can’t skate properly again. they don’t fit right but I can’t do shit now#2. I’m not enjoying ice hockey as much right now bc of that and the people being. not annoying but. I’m disconnected from them#3. feeling disconnected from everything because of the residual barriers I put up but also the ones are just There bc of outside forces.#4. of them the disconnect that comes from not like loud music/crowds/drinking when you’re at uni.#5. the fact that the friends I have most access to I largely don’t like that much bc half are straight and southern and rich and annoying#6. the fact that a different group of friends basically just stopped talking to me and honestly didn’t really want me around that much anywa#7. the fact I don’t care that much about that. any of that. and I’m not Cool with not talking to them anymore but it’s just Happened yknow#8. the fact that’s a significant portion of the queer people I know here. and the others aren’t people I’m anywhere near as close to.#9. the way it’s my third year here and a bunch of people are graduating and opportunities to meet new people went to hell like two years ago#10. i Can meet new people and in fact am even now but everything is so much effort#11. how that’s probably how it’s gonna be the rest of my life bc being an adult sucks. I’ll get Maybe one more shot at meeting a bunch of#people quickly if I do a phd and move but that’s hellish for other reasons and I lose a lot in doing that. but I lose a lot no matter what#12. graduating sucks and so many of my friends are doing it this year. I’m not but next year will suck bc of flatmates and everyone missing#13. feeling on the edge of hockey friends bc they’re fucking hockey players and make dumb fucking jokes. and how I can’t do that#14. anxious isolated gay boy I was never gonna be cool with that and there was never any way I could’ve been on the team#15. the fact I decided not to go for the team partly bc of that and the fact I dont regret that decision. bc I like ice hockey but I couldnt#17. knowing the answers to most of my problems bc I’m at That point where I have the self awareness and maturity to some extent to see#exactly what’s going on and what’s up with it and the right way to go about things. and still feeling the fucking feelings anyway#18. the weird fucking position I occupy both w queerness and the north/south thing weirdly where I’m gay+northern + surrounded by Not#and neither feel like they belong to me. distinctly Other but not in the right way and both sides see that. always a little off#19. being socially aware enough to see exactly where things are awkward or done badly but not knowing in the moment how to make it Not#20. the way the shit The Asshole said abt my anxiety has stuck with me so much and I still think abt it all the time#21. the way he was my fucking first. a lot. and then did That to me and there’s been nobody since and that’s fine but see point 17#22. the way shit is slow to fade both with Him and current guy (very different things that are fading) even though both are fucking dumb#23. current guy being the fourth and should know bettering and knowing that’s bullshit too and I hate it. gonna start biting#24. not having the means time or opportunity to meet other people instead. and feeling dumb abt wanting to. and abt not doing some stuff#25. the fact this list is long enough that I’m gonna run out of tags and there’s still more but it’s 4am and I’m done#luke.txt#I’ll be fine once I’ve slept on it all. I should do something abt this probably but idk what right now and I should sleep mostly so. night!!
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inkskinned · 7 months
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nobody ever gets the mugshot of gluttony right. these days you think it has nothing to do with bodyweight. what a good trick: that gluttony could take a shape. no, there was never any fault in finishing a meal or in taking second helpings. it was always in taking from others that there was an issue - the oil baron's fingers steepled over dead bodies and stolen lands. gluttony - twin of greed, although most think greed and envy are the siblings - gluttony is pleased with the experience of gaining, is thrilled just-by-having. greed is the one that stays hungry, that has to move forever like a shark. gluttony likes it - "a glutton for punishment" is one who is seeking the harm, who loves the rush.
gluttony is a mother using her daughter's body for a diet testing ground, sharpening the bone angles. gluttony is saying why, well not! to the seventh and eighth mansion or yacht. it is not just wanting the six white horses, it is making sure that the horses came from your stables. it is not just bathing in milk - it is bathing in milk while others are starving.
oh, it's true that some sins still blaze in their bright floral prints. wrath in a white woman yelling at a person of color for even daring to be in her neighborhood. the red, incipient rage of a neck tightened at even the thought we would take the guns away. wrath has laurels, and she is good at her job, and works hard.
but sloth wasn't ever the sleepy morning of depression, the hours spent begging a clouded body to please move goddamn it; the protestant work ethic claiming even rest is somehow demonic. it was never chronic fatigue. sloth was subtle, a grey mist. she is watching you get bullied and she is deciding it is none of her business. she crosses the picket line because - what! it's just chicken, isn't it? she is closing her eyes and turning her head when the next anti-gay legislation passes. someone else will handle it. not the tense freeze of anxiety or a lack of preparation - she knows you're hurting and would rather you stay quiet about it. she tells other people i just don't see what the big deal is.
sloth is a father that doesn't do the dishes. sloth is your boyfriend's innocent shrug you're just better at household shit. sloth isn't the missed opportunity - it is the purposeful desire to just get-someone-else-to-do-it.
greed and envy are doing body shots in the back of a private jet. they are the way they always have been, but are lovers in the age of the internet. greed just finished union busting, is rolling a bitcoin over his knuckles, is about to start another MLM. envy is in a broadbrimmed hat, showing off her instagram life, grinning about how if you want it, work for it.
okay, it's true. you have a soft spot for lust, gathering dust in a corner. so tame in comparison to the others. but how funny lust is always painted as being a woman in tight clothes. you've met actually lustful women - the ones that purposefully climb into your partner's lap, the ones that say lesbians are gross but ask bisexual women into bed with their husbands. a lustful woman is not donned in lace and garters and red: that's how men think lust looks, painting their own sins into frame. this way, the sin displaces as fog and hovers above her: a woman in a dress is lust; what the man experiences is just the natural consequence.
here is the thing: lust is doing just fine, save your pity. lust is running more circles than any of them. lust is shutting down safe sexwork sites while also making teenagers in knee-high socks sex sensations. lust is CEO of an advertising network where women never pass 25 years old. all the bras lust makes are pretty to look at but, when worn, legitimately hurt. lust has a podcast, his fur coat looped around his shoulders, sells the idea that only certain people have value, that sex raises some and destroys others. lust is tilting his head and asking what did you expect when you dress like that? lust shuns you, sneers that everything you want is disgusting and taboo - right until he can figure out how to capitalize off of it. lust has the midas ability: everything he touches becomes an object.
people usually say wrath is the scary one. you agree with FMA here, though: the real dangerous one is pride, and the shit-eating grin. the white cloaks and the nationalism and the inability to apologize. it is every partner who threw a book at your head because you don't respect him. it is every mother who said my son doesn't deserve to have his life ruined over allegations. it is the teacher that fails you because you talked back.
you worry you have this one. you feel guilty when you need help but don't ask for it. prideful. ashamed when you complete something and feel good about it. too proud for your own good. but pride is not the reward of hard work or accomplishment: pride is a twitter feed. it is the thing that has to mask i didn't do anything with look at me.
pride is your father's raised hand, his raised voice. how he was never there when you needed him, but he is still "head of house." he ruins dinner and blames it on you: you're an embarrassment to this family. this is the glass you walk around, the cuts in your feet. how he says this isn't how i raised you and you have to bite back the retort: that's because you didn't actually fucking raise me.
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marriedtobigfoot · 8 months
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Steve ends up heartbroken, lonely and depressed after season 2. Nancy called him bullshit, even after he ditched all his old friends for her. Billy Hargrove took his spot at the top of the food chain. He can have it, Steve doesn't really want it anymore. But Steve does want to find some sort of connection. Someone to have in his life who isn't an 11 year old kid he barely knows. He tries to go on a date one night, take a nice-seeming girl to a party. He wants to find connection, to kill the loneliness that's been building for months, but just as he's feeling kind of good about things, his date ditches him.
So. He decides to drink his feelings. He gets majorly fucked up, and ends up laying on the ground in the backyard, contemplating how much life seems to hate him.
Only to literally get tripped over by Eddie Munson, who was at this party selling pot and is very confused as to why Steve Harrington is alone on the ground with a bottle of vodka clenched in one hand.
Eddie ends up chatting a little with Steve, nothing substantial, but enough to know that Steve is very very drunk, and also very very sad.
He asks if Steve wants to go back to the party, and Steve staunchly refuses. He doesn't want to be around a bunch of annoyingly happy people.
He asks if Steve needs a ride home, and Steve just kind of shrugs. His parents just left for another trip, so home is kind of depressing right now too. But he doesn't exactly have any other friends he can stay with so. Home it'll have to be.
Only Eddie can *tell* he doesn't really want to go home, though he has no idea why Steve wouldn't want to return to his veritable mansion after a shitty night. The reason doesn't matter much. He offers to let Steve crash at his place. Steve can take the couch, or hell he can stay in Eddie's room if he doesn't mind sharing, that way he wouldn't risk being woken up when Wayne comes home that morning.
And well, Steve agrees. Can't think of any reason not too. Munson has been nice so far, he's got a good easy-going energy that Steve likes. Why not stay the night.
By the time they get to Eddie's, Steve is *slightly* more sober. Not much, but he's slurring his words a little less, and he can walk with only a little help.
Eddie grabs them each a little plate of leftovers, because he has no idea if Steve's eaten at all. It's quiet while they eat, Eddie doesn't push Steve to talk, and Steve isn't sure what to say. Eventually Eddie sets the plates aside and give Steve an easy grin.
"So, do you want the couch, or are you crashing with me?"
Steve thinks about it for a while. He hasn't shared a bed with a guy-friend since he was a kid, and he's heard rumors about Eddie, whispers in the hall about the way he looks at other guys. But...Steve can't really bring himself to care. He's tired, and he really doesn't want to be alone.
"I don't mind sharing."
Eddie sets them both up in his room, letting Steve choose which side of the bed he wants, and they both settle in. There's a respectable distance between the two of them, and Eddie says a quick goodnight to Steve, figures they won't talk and just go right to bed.
Except Steve isn't sober, and he really isn't in a good headspace, so he can't stop himself from blurting things out into the quiet of the dark room.
"Are you really gay?"
Eddie stiffens next to him, he can feel it, he can hear the way that the other boys breath cuts off and he seems to stop breathing all-together.
"It's okay if you are, I'm not going to be an asshole about it, I'm trying not to be that guy anymore. I guess I was just curious."
It's quiet for another beat before Eddie seems to loosen just a little. He starts breathing again at least.
"Yeah I uh- I am. Gay. And if that's weird the couch is still open, I can-"
"It's not weird."
"Okay."
Steve let's himself mull over this confirmation, and then his mouth starts moving again, without his permission.
"Is it lonely? Cause I mean, it's got to be hard to date in Hawkins. People here are shitty. Unless you've got like, a secret boyfriend or something."
"No...no secret boyfriend. It does get a little lonely sometimes. I'm lucky though, I've got my uncle, and my friends are pretty great. That's enough most days."
"What do you do when it's not enough?"
"Hmmm?"
"When your uncle and friends aren't enough, what do you do? To try and...make it better?"
Eddie is quiet again for a long stretch before he shrugs.
"I try to focus on something else. I'll play my guitar or work on a new campaign, read a book. Something to take my mind off it."
"Oh."
Now Steve is the one who seems tense, his jaw is tight and he's got his arms wrapped around himself. His next words come out as a whisper, but Eddie manages to catch them.
"I don't know how to do any of that."
He sounds almost choked, and Eddie is caught off guard. He's never seen Steve Harrington as anything other than solid, as happy. He's the king, after all. He's supposed to be all smiles and great hair. Only...Eddie's noticed that he hasn't hung out with his old friends lately, that he's eaten alone at lunch too many times to be anything other than strange.
"Steve...are you lonely?"
Eddie expects a denial, for Steve to laugh it off and tell Eddie that he's perfectly fine and fulfilled. Or maybe he expects a shrug, a non-answer. What he doesn't expect is the gut-wrenching sob that seems to tear past the other boys lips.
He doesn't expect to turn and see Steve Harrington's face, a scant foot from his, shining with tears.
He panics a little at the sight.
"Fuck- I'm so sorry-"
"Don't be." Steve tries to wipe his eyes, to hide the tremble in his voice. "Not your fault there's something wrong with me."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like I'm broken man, like nobody can stand to be around me. Tommy and Carol hate me now, Nancy- hell even my own parents hate being at home with me for more than a week. It's like I'm repellent or something. Couldn't even get a date to stick around for a whole night."
And Eddie's pretty sure *he* might start crying now. He'd never have expected this much from Steve, all that sadness to come pouring out. It wouldn't have happened if Steve was completely sober. Without thinking, he reaches out.
Eddie puts a hand on Steve's shoulder and waits to see if the touch gets rejected, but Steve seems to lean into him, so he lets his hand linger.
"This probably won't help, but I don't think you're repellent. And that's coming from somebody who your whole group used to torture. I don't know much about you, but I kind of liked having you around tonight."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Steve gives him a tiny smile. His eyes are still wet with tears, and the smile doesn't come close to reaching them. He seems impossibly small here in Eddie's bed.
"I don't know man. I just wish-"
He cuts himself off, apparently deciding his words are too far, but Eddie urges him to keep talking.
"What do you wish Steve?"
"I just wish that... there was somebody out there I could have a future with. Somebody who actually loved me, you know?"
It might be the saddest thing Eddie's ever heard, and he blames that fact for what he does next.
He takes his hand off Steve's shoulders and instead hauls Steve closer to him, fitting the other boy against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. It's a move that might get him decked, but he doesn't think it will. And he'll be damned if he doesn't hug Steve right that second.
He doesn't get hit. Steve tenses for a second, but it's just that one instant before he's melting into the embrace.
Eddie feels more tears falling against his shirt, and he couldn't care less. He keeps Steve close, let's him cry into his chest, runs a hand through that famous mop of hair.
He isn't sure how long it takes for Steve to calm down, but eventually he does. His breathing evens out, and he shivers a little before speaking.
"Thanks man."
And Eddie takes another leap of faith.
"I could be that person, you know."
"What?"
"I mean. You know Im... not straight. It may not be exactly what you're wanting but. I think I could picture a future with you. If you want to, just for tonight...I could be that someone who loves you."
Steve looks at Eddie, like he's a puzzle that he needs to solve, before a other shiver seems to wrack his body.
"Just for tonight?"
It comes out as a whisper, but Eddie hears it all the same.
"Yeah. For tonight Steve."
"I think...I think I'd like that."
Eddie gives him the sweetest smile he can muster, and nods.
"Alright sweetheart."
Eddie isn't exactly sure what it means, to love Steve for the night. After all, Steve is straight. He figures it doesn't matter much though, it's only for a night.
He keeps a hold on Steve, let's him get comfortable tucked against Eddie, and he does what feels natural. He runs a hand up and down Steve's spine, traces shapes into the soft fabric of his shirt. He tangles their legs together, and in a moment of insane bravery he presses a kiss to the top of Steve's head.
He's met with a sigh, full of relief, and figures he's on the right track.
"Just close your eyes Stevie, I've got you."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"Hmmm?"
"The future. You said you could see one. Can you tell me?"
And he asks so carefully, he sounds almost afraid, Eddie can't say no to that.
"Do you want the fantasy future, or the realistic future?"
"The real one."
"Alright then. Well, if I'm not going to be a rich and famous rockstar...I'll probably graduate and get a job somewhere in town. A real job, maybe working on cars or something. I'm good with cars. You'd come over all the time, have dinners with me and with Wayne. You'd have to meet Wayne. And we'd have more nights like this, sleeping close."
Steve let's out a pleased sounding hum, and shifts his face so it's buried even closer in Eddie's neck. He can feel Steve's breath on him.
"We could save up money and get a little place together, somewhere outside Hawkins. I have to stay kind of close, for my uncle, but maybe Indy?"
Steve nods, mutters something about staying close 'just in case'. He sounds like he might fall asleep, so Eddie keeps going.
"We could get an apartment, nothing too fancy. We would get two rooms, so nobody gets suspicious, but we would share a bed most nights. I'd play with my band on weekends, just for fun, and you'd join some little local sports team. I'd make sure to schedule DND nights so that I never miss a single game, even though I don't understand a damn thing about sports. We would come home for holidays, but most of the time it would just be us. I'd take good care of you, make sure you never go more than a few hours without me telling you I love you. I'll show up wherever you're working just to give you a hug and a kiss, and make sure you don't forget it. And I'll annoy the hell out of, but you won't mind too much, because I'll make you happy too."
Eddie can think of more. He can think about so many things. How he could give Steve one of his rings, even if they couldn't legally get married, even if Steve would never want that. Just as another reminder that he's loved. They could take trips together and go out to parties where Steve will never have to worry about getting ditched. Eddie doesn't do things halfway, and he has a hell of an imagination. He could picture them growing old together, if he tried, if he let himself. But this is just for tonight, so he doesn't. Instead he runs a hand through Steve's hair again, and listens to his quiet breathing. He thinks he may have fallen asleep, but he's wrong.
"That sounds nice."
It comes out muffled, spoken into Eddie's neck, but he manages to make it out, and he let's the vibration of it sink into his skin.
*It's only for tonight.*
He has to remind himself, because Steve is just feeling lonely. He doesn't want that future with Eddie, he just wants to feel loved.
But even if it's just pretend, just to help Steve for a few hours, he's okay with that.
Steve may think he's broken, but Eddie thinks he would be easy to love for a long time. Loving him for one night is nothing. He doesn't even have to try.
Tomorrow Steve will wake up sober, and he'll thank Eddie for letting him stay over, and they won't talk about it. Eddie will drive Steve back to his car in silence, and they'll say their goodbyes. They may not talk ever again, they never had before.
But for tonight? Eddie Munson will love Steve Harrington, and Steve? He'll let himself be loved, let himself beleive it. And he'll love Eddie right back.
Just for one night.
And if Steve ever needs it again? Eddie will love him for another night. And Steve will give that love right back. He's got plenty to spare, after all. And there's far worse people he could share it with.
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anexperimentallife · 6 months
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The Gaza genocide is going exactly according to the US Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian agenda, with which they hope to wipe out all Jews and Muslims
To anyone raised in the US Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian Dominionist movement in the US, the horror and inhumanity, the genocide Israel is engaged in against Palestinians right now is not a surprise. We all KNEW this was coming, and those of us who got out of the movement we were raised in have been trying to raise the alarm for decades, mostly to either deaf ears, or accusation of antisemitism.
(Because, they would say, "if you don't support Zionism, and stand behind everything Israel does, you must hate all Jews!" Ignoring that many Jews all over the world--yes, including many Israeli Jews--do not support Israel's foreign policy.)
Because everything in the orbit of Israel is going exactly to the Evangelical Fundamentalist Christian Doomsday plan--a plan that has been OPENLY talked about in Fundie circles since I was a little kid being indoctrinated into it.
In case you're not familiar, let me break down the Fundie thinking here:
Their support of Israel and embrace of Zionism is based around their beliefs that:
a) the return of Jews to Israel, and then Israel/all "unconverted" Jews being completely wiped out in an apocalyptic war, is essential to Jesus' return.
b) but that any nation that DIRECTLY opposes Israel will fall even if they defeat Israel. So that in order to fulfill prophecy, they must
c) set someone ELSE up to wipe out Israel/the Jews.
(To go into more detail: They believe that "the Jews were God's original chosen people until Christians took their place in God's favor when the Jews denied Jesus." But that God is still attached to his former faves and will punish anyone who wipes them out--thus the entire fundie idea is to get someone ELSE to do it, then serve as "the instrument of God's vengeance" by genociding the genociders.)
So they support Israel's increasing violence intentionally to create greater and greater conflict and turn more of Israel's neighbor states against them, meanwhile fostering the idea that with the power of the US backing them, they cannot fail.
And here's their next planned phase--maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually
Once things reach a tipping point, the Fundies (currently the single most powerful force in US politics, thanks to ANOTHER multi-generational plan openly talked about in Fundie circles, which was specifically designed to put Fundies amd their allies in powerful positions) will force the US to pull support from Israel so that its neighbors can destroy it, then use that destruction as a pretext for their own genocide against remaining Muslim/Arab (there is little distinction between the two in their minds) peoples.
Christian Fundamentalist support of Zionism has always been about the elimination of both Jews and Muslims, and bringing about a Christian/Capitalist (aka fascist) world.
They emphasize that they LOVE Jews, and maybe don't even entirely HATE the "evil Muslims," but that this is "God's will," and that they have no choice but to obey. They'll even shed crocodile tears about how sad all this is, but believe me--they are CELEBRATING inside. They are OVERJOYED, because they think this will bring about the Rapture, the end of the world, the Thousand Year Reign, and all the other crap in their shitty Doomsday prophecy.
(This is also their excuse for every other group they are trying to destroy. "Oh, I personally have nothing against the gays, but I have to follow God's will. Plus our children need to be protected from their recruitment efforts." During slavery, then segregation, Black folks were often said to have "the mark of Ham, meaning God said they were DESTINED to be slaves because of Ham's sin. Oh, WE'RE not saying it; GOD is!" See also: child marriage, and lots of other talking points.)
Don't believe me? Ask around on the EXvangelical tags. Listen in at some of the more conservative churches in your area. There are a lot of us who were raised being brainwashed with these ideas and had to deprogram ourselves.
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drchucktingle · 5 months
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best of the year / invest in autistic art
CAMP DAMASCUS has just been named one of the best books of the year by amazon. pretty amazing for a book with an autistic main character by an autistic author. also amazing for a queer horror book
this is time to celebrate but i also have some things i must say
i have to be honest with my feelings. 'online left' has a BIG problem with the way autistic buckaroos are treated. the way chuck was harassed about my unique way gets more shocking as more time passes and perspective is gained. HUGE left side figures who pretend it never happened
there are been giant strides made for all kinds of communities that are historically overlooked. we are trotting towards love. but i think acceptance of the autistic experience has a long way to go. that being said i am so honored by how far we have trotted
i love being autistic. always have. my diagnosis as a young buckaroo made me feel so cool. i hope CAMP DAMASCUS can make more young buckaroos feel that way, and i hope that as CHUCK TINGLE i can keep making exciting art that makes buckaroos proud to be autistic too
the folks at @torbooks (as well as agent dongwon and manager gino) are some of the few BIG ORGANIZATIONS that immediately accepted me for who i was and what i create, not as a joke or a character but as an honest expression of myself that does not fit a traditional mold
i am so honored they gave me this chance. i am so honored that YOU gave me this chance. i hope there is more of this in the future and less young autistic buckaroos being called ‘memes’ and ‘fake’ because their autism gives a different sensibility
not everyone was birthed from edgy online message boards. SINCERITY AND LOVE ARE REAL. UNIQUENESS IS BEAUTIFUL. and the more often business buds invest in this idea, the more there will be folks with bestselling, best of the year art paying them back. INVEST IN AUTISTIC BUCKAROOS
thank you for helping me prove this investment in neurodivergent art. thank you for helping me prove love is real. CAMP DAMASCUS is here
and BURY YOUR GAYS will kick open even more doors next summer so preorder here
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ohcorny · 28 days
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so! it's been a year since i put never satisfied on hiatus, and 9 years since i started posting it, and rather than make you read everything if all you want to know is "when's it coming back?" the answer is still: don't know! but the answer has also shifted closer to "it isn't" the longer i've spent on break, and i think it's worth being up front about that.
i talked about it a little here a few weeks ago, but the long and short of it is that between taking on better paying work, writing better stories, and looking back at what i'd already done for never satisfied... i just don't think i want to continue it? the year off has been incredibly good for my mental health, and i can't see myself wanting to go back after the two-three years still ahead of me on my current project. that's not to say i never want to return to the characters or the concept, but if i did, i imagine it would be with something completely new, in a different form. after all, i started this comic when i was 21 years old, a lesbian, and a sophomore in college. i am now just shy of 30, a bi man, and overall a completely different person than i was, back when i was writing without a plan and putting all of my insecurities into the comic--insecurities i don't identify with anymore. lord i'm closer to rothart's age than i am to lucy's. hate that
anyway. you have all been extraordinarily kind for following never satisfied for as long as you have, for supporting it as much as you have, and being as patient as you have. whatever form never satisfied takes in the future (god willing, with a more cohesive story structure and A PLAN FOR THE ENDING, WHICH BY THE WAY I NEVER, EVER HAD) i hope to see you there!
in the meantime, as an update on where i'm at with the thing that made me stop working on NS: i finished it! all the pages for Hunger's Bite (if you remember it with a different title: no you don't) have been turned in and now it's just revisions and covers and then........ waiting a year until it can come out. because that's how it is in traditionally published graphic novels! nothing releases for a full year after you finished it! and you're even getting it earlier than was originally planned, because i'm a creature and finished it like three months ahead of schedule. i've also already started thumbnailing the sequel book which i can't talk about whatsoever and will now be working on that for the next two years and then HOPEFULLY the first book will have done well enough that i can sell a third! so you better buy it when it comes out next february!!!!!!
to ease you all into it, i wanted to do a little crossover to introduce the main characters. we have emery, whose design is fully and unintentionally just Seiji Again down to his color palette (but seiji would bully him if they met. like so hard. he's a wimp). then we have neeta, a girl who dreams of travel and cares deeply about worker's rights, and wick, a vampire agent investigating the mysterious and sinister new owner of the 1910s ocean liner emery and neeta call home. he's also gay. but sorry lucy, you aren't his type. you're not mean enough.
the best place to keep up with me these days is probably here, as this first book gets closer to release, i will probably be posting about it a lot. and i will certainly post about it here when there's an official release date and cover reveal! i hope you'll go read it. i really think if you liked never satisfied and its themes, you'll like hunger's bite!
thank you again for reading!!
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rabdoidal · 2 years
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I’ve been thinking a lot about how gay people say I love you, and I mean that literally. 
I’ve known people for a few hours most, and said “I love you” and meant it - new years parties, university tutorials, anime conventions - the gay woman who was a friend of a friend giving my friends and I a lift home in the winter cold was an angel, and I meant it when I said “Thank you, I love you, get home safe.” The person from high school that I lost touch with then reconnected with telling me about their girlfriend was like filling my lungs again for the first time in years, and I meant it when I said “Please, next time bring your girlfriend, I love her already.” My grandmother that told me about how she used to use bandages to bind back in the 80s and how her first husband was gay was the first person in my family to make me feel normal, and I meant it when I said “I love you, I hope you’re happy now.” The friend I found through our shared love of Scooby Doo and then proceeded to run the gamut of labels and pronouns with is my home 8000 miles away, and I still mean it when I say “I love you, we should call more.” And I mean it when I scream “I love you” to every person I meet in fleeting hugs and hand-holds at the pride parade, even when I’m overstimulated and exhausted by the time I get home, glitter-sick and shy.
I think we say I love you for every reason you could say I love you, but more than anything, it’s the simple fact of seeing someone who is your family that makes you want to grab them by the shoulders and tell them that you love them. Gay people have such a long history of being family and community when no one else would take us, and every time I see someone being openly queer, I love them. I love your smeared lip-gloss and your septum piercing and your dyed hair and your crooked teeth and your leather harness and your pronoun pins and your Doc Martens and your chipped nail polish and your loud laugh and your T-beard and your Adam's apple and the way you twirl a little clumsily in your skirt. It’s 100 meanings of the word - what you said was funny, I love you - you’re a dickhead, but I love you - I’m glad you figured things out, I love you - you don’t need to say anything, I love you - thank God there’s another trans person here, I love you - you make me feel whole, I love you - we hurt each other, but I still love you.
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beautifulhigh · 8 months
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The smallest of looks is the loudest moment in the room
Just a little one from me to save me from going insane and to sate my followers...
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ZAHRA: How long has this been going on?
Alex is focused on Zahra, Henry is staring off into the middle distance until Alex answers her.
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ALEX: Since New Year's.
And it's that Henry reacts to. Have a close up.
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Henry's gaze flicks to Alex. In this exact moment (1 hour, 5 minutes, and 41 seconds), he looks at Alex for a few seconds.
This is the moment Alex has put a start date on this thing between them.
It's a little more certain here than it is in the book:
"How long has this been happening?" "Since, um, New Year's." (page 233)
The placement of that "um" holds meaning for me - in the book Alex is hesitating before he pins a start date on him and Henry. He's trying to figure it out and that's what he goes for. Because how long has it been going on? Since they started sharing intimate thoughts and fears? Since they increased the benefits they had added to their friendship? Since the Red Room?
Nope. Alex goes for the moment when the possibility between them changed and he completely ignores the weeks of silence that happened straight after. The period of time in which Henry was full of fear over what he'd done, what Alex might do. In the book we know he runs scared, going on a public date and being photographed.
If there was a prince, and he was gay, and he kissed someone, and maybe it mattered, that prince might have to run a little bit of interference. (page 125)
We don't have anything like that in the movie but we do have the silence. We see Henry's fear when he comes into the Red Room. Not just because of the line he crossed with Alex but because he has exposed himself and his most closely guarded secret, a glimpse of his true self.
He will know that Alex isn't going to out him - they've spent long enough talking and getting to know each other for that to not be Henry's fear. And if he was then it would have happened long before the State Dinner. Henry's fear is about losing Alex, losing the friendship, losing that connection with the boy he's wanted since the Olympics/Climate Conference.
I'd put money on Henry promising himself, once upon a time, that he would never do anything to risk losing what small pieces of Alex he could have in his life. And when they start up this thing he goes in thinking that this is all he can have, all he will get.
"I thought I could have some part of you, and just never say [I love you], and you'd never have to know, and one day you'd get tired of me and leave, because I'm--" (Page 272)
Henry didn't think he would have all of Alex, at least not anything of import, that Alex wouldn't be as far in as Henry is. And yet here he is in this hotel room, declaring they have been this thing since that kiss. Since before they properly made out in the Red Room, went down on each other in Alex's bedroom, talked about "keeping things casual" before embarking on the most insanely devoted shag fest known to mankind.
Alex has been in since New Year's and he tells Zahra just that.
In the movie he is more decisive. (Just like the instant "No" when Zahra asks if it would make a difference if she asked them to stop.)
Since New Year's. Since the moment Henry kissed me and I became unable to think about anything else except doing it again. And doing other stuff.
And even though Henry ghosted him right after, even though the next thing Henry said to Alex after his apology and disappearance into the night was another apology for his behaviour, Alex has labelled that moment, that kiss, as their start.
The moment when Henry was brave.
And in the movie we get to see Henry's reaction to that. They've been discovered, things are about to blow up in a way they can't control, and Alex says that as far as he's concerned this thing between them has been going on all year.
Before the emails. Before Paris. Before the State Dinner. Alex has been Henry's since New Year's and this is the moment he finds that out.
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hbyrde36 · 2 months
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STWG Daily Prompt 3/9/24
Written for the @strangerthingswritersguild
Prompt: Bite
Rating: G | WC: 867
Emotional hurt/comfort, Steve Harrington's parents being the worst, the best uncle Wayne Munson, supportive boyfriend Eddie Munson, the party loves Steve Harrington
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Steve had given up on his dad long ago, he was never going to be the kind of man Richard Harrington had always wanted his sons to grow up and be, but he’d held out hope for his mom—hope that someday she would learn to love him the way she loved his brother.
More than ten years between them, and the fact that the Harrington’s had moved to Hawkins only after Christopher had graduated high school and gone off to college, meant no one really knew Steve had a sibling. 
The party, Robin, Eddie—especially Eddie because how could they have been dating for over a year now and him somehow still not know about this—were all stunned to learn of the existence of another young Harrington.
He hadn’t meant to tell them at all, but then Christopher and their parents made a surprise visit home so that his brother could take possession of their grandmother’s ring and pop the question to his girlfriend of a whopping 9 months. Less time than he and Eddie had been seeing each other and didn’t that get under Steve's skin to know he’d never get to propose to his boyfriend with a family heirloom, not only because gay marriage wasn’t legal, but because his parents would never dream of handing down a piece of jewelry to their least favorite son.  
Steve wound up having to make the rounds, letting everyone know movie night was canceled because his brother was in town. Naturally they all wanted explanations for why this was the first they were learning of this mysterious person, and by the time he got to Eddie’s place, Steve was a mess. 
Years of mistreatment and neglect bubbled to the surface, and not just the big things but the little sniping comments, the small injustices—inequities between the way Mr. and Mrs. Harrington spoke of their older son vs their younger—hurt feelings that he’d pushed all the way down in order to function, in order to put a fucking smile on his face and hide the fact that he was damaged goods who not even a mother could love. 
It all came spilling out of him on Eddie’s bedroom floor as his boyfriend held him, rocked him, was his rock, tethering him to the earth.
When it was all over and Steve was calm, Eddie asked him why he still spoke to them, why he still lived in their house when he and Wayne had both–on separate occasions–invited him to live with them instead.
“They’re my family.” Steve said, shrugging. “I don’t have a choice.” 
“Of course you do, Stevie. You always have a choice. If you were to decide right here and now that you never wanted to see or speak to them again, you are allowed to do that. You hold all the power here. I’ll support you in whatever you decide, but I have to say in my humble opinion, they never deserved you.”
Steve took the night to think about it, though in the instant Eddie had said the words, given Steve the power to take control of his own life, he’d known what he was going to do. It was his life, he could do with it as he wished. He was already doing that with almost every other part of it, so why was he still letting his mom and dad hold any power over him? Why did he subject himself to their passive aggressive comments and disappointed glares?
In the end he never went back, not even to get his stuff. Wayne and Eddie did it for him, leaving behind his keys and his beloved car. 
A small price to pay for freedom. 
He called the next day and left a final message on the answering machine. 
“Please leave your message after the beep.”
“Hey mom. You’re the hardest one to say goodbye to, the last member of this family I held out hope for so you’ll have to forgive me for not doing this in person. My car keys are on the table by the front door. I know the BMW is in dad’s name and I know he wouldn’t want me keeping it under the circumstances.”
“I am no longer a Harrington. I’m sure you won’t mind because you barely thought of me as one to begin with but it’s official now. I’m moving on, and moving in with my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend, because I am nothing if not a consistent disappointment.”
“It took me longer to see it with you because I've witnessed the way you care for the people around you, most of them anyway, and what you’ve done for this community.”
“You are a good person, except when you’re not. And you were a great mom, just not to me.”
There was no bite in his words, just a sad truth finally spoken aloud.
Steve hung up the phone feeling lighter than he ever had in his whole life, and sat down to dinner with the people who really loved him. His found family, who’d all dropped whatever they were doing at a moments notice to throw him an impromptu moving-in party at his new home with Eddie and Wayne. 
Thanks to my beloved @penny00dreadful for having a look over this 🥰
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dentos-wife · 1 year
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Let’s talk how about Chrom and Robin’s bond evolved over time
With everyone clamoring over the new emblem I wanted to take a look back how we got here with their relationship and why I think at this point Chrobin is the intended or inferred Chrom pairing when it didn’t used to be.
In 2012 we got Fire Emblem Awakening, and as Chrom was related to Marth, his inferred pairing was Sumia a pegasus knight as a nod to Caeda, Marth’s canon wife. Granted because part of Awakening’s charm is you could pair anyone up, you didn’t have to pair Chrom up with Sumia if you didn’t wish to. But to IS she was the intended choice.
She had special scenes with Chrom and was the most likely to end up paired with him if you weren’t gunning for a specific wife for him
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And you see her here in the opening with Lucina
Robin is you, the avatar, they don’t even have official art, just them with a hood
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They had a canon design what we all know now but it wasn’t really used. And that should have been it as far as IS was concerned. Awakening was their last hurrah. And then FE blew up.
Robin’s canon design is now getting used, both the male and female version are now in Smash Bros. Then we have Warriors and Heroes and the Awakening cast shows up more. But not Sumia. Perhaps it’s because she’s not popular or the people flocked to Cordelia instead but she is the pegusus knight everyone loves. Sumia isn’t even in Warriors or the base FEH she gets added much later to FEH only with other less popular Awakening characters.
It’s here when FE became more maintstream I believe that IS changed their tune on Sumia being the intended wife and retconed it. I fully think Sumia was dropped and they no longer had an intended pairing for him all because she just wasn’t popular. Him and Robin were close of course they always were, obviously some would see it as friendship others would see it as something more the usual nothing really changed there.
And then 2022 ten full years after Awakening’s release...this happened
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Couple things here. I fully believe the reason Chrom was paired with MRobin here instead of FRobin is for two big reasons reasons.
1) If they paired him with FRobin it canonizes a pairing so MRobin is the safer option, FEH doesn’t usually pair men and women unless they’re already a pairing. So MRobin got paired with Chrom and FRobin was on her own but she still has lines about how much Chrom meant to her.
2) MRobin is the more popular Robin as has been shown every year in CYL and he’d even win next year
So Chrom and Robin were always close it was a no brainer to make them a duo unit, they picked the male version on a very family oriented banner.
That said some of these lines...well let’s just say if a man and a woman were saying that to each other there would be no doubt here. Imagine if this Robin was the female version
Robin: There's Lissa, Emmeryn, Lucina, Frederick... I think we've got gifts for everyone. Don't we? Chrom: Well, all but one. What would you like your gift to be, Robin? Robin: What? Me? You can't just come out and ask like that, you know. There are rules! Chrom: You know I don't care about that. Just tell me what you want. Robin: Truthfully...I can't think of anything. Chrom: You don't want anything? Aw, come on. Think of the bind that puts me in. Robin: You gave my life meaning when I had nothing—not even my memory. The sense of purpose I've found at your side, working for peace in the world, is all I could ever ask for. Chrom: You're not alone in that, you know. I feel the same way. That's why I wanted to give you something nice. To show you how I feel. Robin: All right, all right. In that case, why don't you give me one of those flowers you're wearing? Chrom: It's only going to wilt. Robin: I'll press it into one of my books. That way I'll never forget this Day of Devotion.
Snippet from their duo convo. Usually when someone gives flowers it’s considered a pretty romantic gesture I’ve heard plenty of people call this alt playfully the gays and yeah this is very strong.
FRobin even comments on them in one of her lines.
“That man with Chrom is a Robin from another world, right? They get along so well, I'm almost jealous...“
There was no need for that line at all, we can tell from their lines how flipping close they are but they felt the need to have another character comment on it in base lines
I do believe MRobin was used not to canonize a pairing...at first. And then they gave up because it looked like people really liked it going even further in the next year.
In Awakening Chrom and Robin refer to themselves as two halves of the same whole which is already a loaded term. But it’s never been used after and was just part of the game
Enter the next time they pair up as the Emblem of Bonds which brought that back for the first time since 2012, in full force
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Correct me if I’m wrong but no one besides them have referred to each other as their other half in Awakening
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Lucina does it in Engage. For reference other half means husband, wife or partner (romantic). I think after the Valentine’s alt they decided sure why not and now they’re really going in with Robin being Chrom’s other half when they only touched the term once past Awakening in a FRobin cipher card. Other half in Engage is Robin and he pops up when engaged with Chrom to mix magic with the attack. I don’t doubt you can mean a friend with this term but when paired with everything else they say to each other, it’s pretty strong evidence it’s further than friendship.
Okay now for the the ultimate Robin is now Chrom’s intended partner view, Legendary Robin also released this year
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“Tactician of Ylisse. Celebrated as Exalt Chrom's other half in the legends that followed their exploits. Appears in Fire Emblem Awakening. “
I saw some people argue exalt could mean Lucina too but no it doesn’t, it clearly means Chorm it says so and if you didn’t believe that, we got a map that was the two called Chrom and his other half. Which is Robin.
His art also references his other half status, he now wears blueish green jewelry which stands for Chrom and the brand of the exalt is on his chest plate
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Finally in his damage art he once again has the symbol of the exalt formed in magic.
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And a ring, some have argued it’s his clothes but usually the magic gauntlets he wears are on his middle finger and not under his gloves; pretty sure it’s a ring, it’s even on the ring finger of his left hand, where you generally put a wedding ring.
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All this together is some very strong evidence, but put it with everything else they’ve done since last year and it’s clear to me, IS now is pushing Chrom and Robin as the intended pairing. Not canon like Marth and Caeda or Alm and Celica, but intended like they do with Eliwood and Ninian and some others I’m probably forgetting. And because MRobin is who they use and their “canon” sort of like FCorrin is the “canon” Corrin, IS is strongly hinting at MChrobin
Which fascinates me, we went from Chrom with a intended implied wife to scrapping it and pretended it never happened to this, Chrom with an intended husband. Him and his best friend, both two guys, very much in love. In ten years IS changed it’s mind on the intended canon pairing that isn’t even possible in the base game. They are a fate defying duo, the emblem of bonds, the exalt and his other half, two halves of the same whole and they are showing that in symbolism harder than ever. I think that’s really cool
To end this I’m aroace and see romance a little differently from the amatonormic norm Chrom and Robin could just be really good friends lord knows I also think friendship should be just as important as romance BUT if they were, it’s very clear they are each others most important person over any wife they might separately have.  But even that doesn’t follow a typical heteronormative relationship no? Chrom and Robin’s bonds are so strong they transcend the concept of romance and friendship as we know it, there is no name for the type of love they share it’s beyond us.
But what about Lucina? (and Morgan) In a world with magic, dragons, people dying and coming back to life, time travel and more the idea of two guys somehow having a child is no longer far fetched at all really, or even surrogates exist.
Also they act like kind of like dads with her and it’s really cute
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Now granted IS could remake Awakening and MRobin will still not be able to marry Chrom and this whole analysis would have been for naught but I think if they do remake it they’ll add it. Look at how many people have been introduced to them just through Heroes and Engage you don’t think people are going to want to pair up the exalt and his other half in their game?
To sum it up, yes there literally is no heterosexual explanation for where IS has taken this. It wasn’t originally the intended pairing but it sure is now, I don’t think there is any room for denial anymore until we see what they do with a remake.
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chuplayswithfire · 6 months
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I have more thoughts on how and why the sex was a mistake. I will be thinking about this all week. All year.
Let's start with: the sex was consensual, they both wanted it, and that does not change that it was the wrong decision for their relationship in that moment. They should not have had sex! Ed is 100% correct and he is not running away when he says that! He is not just avoiding his feelings or getting cold feet, he is genuinely correct, and here's why:
They continue to be on different pages. They have not had a chance to talk it through. It's been like 2-3 max since Ed woke up from the Gravy Basket, and emotions are still running high. Even ignoring that they were just tortured in front of each other and that Stede killed a man right after Ed asked him not to, they were not in the same space emotionally regarding their relationship.
Fir one thing: Stede did *not* get his heartbroken (prior to this). He got his romantic affirmation. Season 1 was an entire arc leading to Stede realizing he is gay, that he is in love, that he is loved in return. For him, for HIM, sex is a natural next step, and we already knew he wanted it from how he deepened their kiss in episode 5. Their relationship itself is not a source of trauma for Stede; he loves Ed and he walked away from his old life to be with him, and now he found him again, and they've agreed to do it together, figure things out, his romantic hopes are realized.
And in that moment, adding to that background informations, is that Stede also wanted to avoid all his messy feelings by being physical. He was tortured and he watched Ed and his crew be tortured, he was insulted and had to listen to Ed be insulted, and he wanted to regain control and power by killing Ned Low, and removing the threat. That's where Stede's head is.
Ed, on the other hand, did get his heart broken and while the majority of what he's working through is about his self-hatred, his dissatisfaction with his career, and his desire to find a life that feels worth living, he is also dealing with a significant amount of trust issues with his relationship with Stede, because Stede left him. He has heard from Stede that he loves him, but Ed's deepest fear is that he's unlovable, and he hasn't gotten over that, or his hurt from how things went, in the like two days it's been.
But he loves Stede, and he's attracted to him, and he wants him, so when Stede initiates and manhandles him a bit and things get hot and heavy, he consents. He's all in, carried away by the moment.
And he regrets it.
He especially wasn't ready because Ed is a planner. I know we were all joking about how they definitely weren't going to take it slow and they were going to rush through, but I do genuinely think he meant it. Ed's natural state is as a planner and tactician, everything has an angle for him and even when he wants to just be simple, he always has a bajillion factors in mind that he's juggling, so we can be sure that Ed probably did very much have thoughts about how he wanted their first time to go, and what he wanted them to do and grow into as a relationship before they had sex, and instead they got tortured, Stede killed a man, and then they fucked in the aftermath.
Not bloody optimal indeed.
Now back to Stede: he is utterly unprepared for the idea that the sex could be a mistake because to and for him it was the natural next step in their relationship. This is his romantic fantasy is the thing; he was a cool brave pirate captain who made an enemy walk the plank in defense of his crew and his boyfriend, and then Ed came to him and Stede got to sweep him off his feet and shove him against the wall, kiss him, bring him to the bed, and pointedly shut the curtains on an audience that doesn't exist, followed by a lazy morning after with breakfast in bed.
So it probably hurts extra that Ed is like that was a mistake. This is literally him living his fantasy from episode 1, Ned Low even has facial hair and is mean to him like Izzy used to be. He could ignore all the realities of that situation, because he was living his fantasy, and Ed dragged them both out of fantasyland, back to the real world, where their relationship isn't fixed 100% and sex didn't change that.
They weren't on the same page. They still aren't, because they need to talk.
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edgeray · 2 months
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“LATE NIGHT DEVIL, PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME
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and never never never ever let go”- Teeth, 5 Seconds of Summer
Mafia AU! Arlecchino x Reader Oneshot
Author's Note: It's been a while since I've actually published anything on here. Well, my gay ass is back with another oneshot. This one has been in the works for at least a month. I'm considering making a Part 2, but that will definitely take at least a couple weeks for me to publish (if not months). I wish I was kidding. School literally hates me and my teachers are incessant on killing my GPA. This is also a gift for @megistusdiary because it'll be her birthday when I post this. Please go check out her blog for amazing genshin wlw content (especially Arlecchino content!) Would you guys like this on AO3 as well?
Content Warning/Info: This is a long af oneshot (6.3k words), long af descriptions and kinda long intro, Arlecchino is referred to with they/them pronouns, implied female but no usage of feminine pronouns for Reader, general dark-ish content, pet names, Arlecchino is a lil scary, I've never been to a club so I apologize for the very inaccurate information, nor have I ever been apart of the mafia so also inaccurate, a bit suggestive but otherwise sfw, if I'm missing anything feel free to tell me!
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Monsters are said to have lied underneath beds–waiting to ensnare an unknowing victim–or stalk hidden among the depths of a closet–awaiting an opportune moment to strike its next prey. Monsters are fabled entities that are used to scare off children from bad behavior and are quickly eased from the mind by coddling parents. The mere notion of a monster shooed away like a pesky fly, swept underneath the subconscious like forgotten specks of dirt. 
You know otherwise. Real monsters don’t lurk on the undersides of mattresses; no, they lurk both in the skies above and the depths below. They do not stalk dark closets because they instead stalk alleys in daylit streets. Monsters are very real, that you know is true since you’ve seen your fair share of them. You’ve met monsters in person–they’ve come to you before. Terrifying is an understatement for them, and each time one has appeared as a client, you’re no less scared shitless.
You’ve learned that even inhumane demons find themselves in need of entertainment; like the sinful creatures they are, they seek self-pleasure. And that is how you found yourself in this particular circle of hell, meant to serve and please demons, devils, and monsters alike. Perhaps it was a revolting job, working at a strip club run by a criminal organization but it paid decent money for being danced on the fingertips of whoever you were unfortunate enough to be assigned to.
If it was a regular strip club, being an exotic dancer would have been fine. It wouldn't be so bad. Lustful and prying eyes can be accustomed to quickly, and so are the flattering compliments and the awkward flirting by middle-aged married men. However, there was a difference between lecherous and predatory gazes. Here, you aren’t even viewed as a person, no, the clients here, those that come in reeking of smoke or blood (though sometimes both), armed with knives and guns on their person, see you as nothing more than a toy or prey for them. Even in the eyes of your employer, you're less than human in their eyes. 
‘You harm our merchandise, you’ll pay for it,’ is the warning given to every guest when they first enter. Merchandise. That's what you are. And that single line of words is the only thing that assures you of your safety among mafia members, gangsters, crooks, and whatnot. You've heard that the organization behind this strip club does well in enforcing that rule according to other dancers, but you personally don't want to see if the statement is true. You've been here for a little over a year, and besides bruising grips and pulled hair you’ve surprisingly yet to be seriously injured in any way. So maybe monsters do have a little humanity in them. 
You're quickly growing to be a fan favorite as of recently, which means more money goes your way, but you're not sure how you feel about all the attention on you. It's most likely because of how often you offer private dances and private rooms to clients. Whatever gets you the most money; the faster you make money the faster you can pay off your debt and be out of here. 
Tonight is supposed to be no different from other nights. You perform on stage, you rile up the crowd, you get showered in tips, and if there is a customer that looks mentally sane enough not to murder you in private, you take them to the back. Except, tonight, you're approached by your boss, who informs you that the entirety of the club was reserved by the Fatui, a well-known mafia more powerful and larger than the one that backs you up, for some celebration. These kinds of occurrences in the club rarely crop up, but when they do, they're often the most opportune time to bag in an abundant amount of money. Big shots like the Fatui pay and tip well, but there's one unsaid risk that comes with this: as a mere dancer like yourself, your life quite literally dangles in the Fatuis’ hands tonight. The organization that owns this establishment can't retaliate against the Fatuis if they so choose to dismiss the warning. They can't even compare to the might of the Fatui.
Simply put, if a Fatui kills you tonight, no one could do more besides bat their eyelashes. You're not at all pleased with this predicament of practically bordering on death, especially when you know one wrong move with one too hot-tempered Fatui could land you at the pearly gates. Keep pleasing the crowd, keep entertaining them, keep racking in the money, you remind yourself as you continue your dance, twirling around the pole sensually, and the customers devour every movement with their eyes. The only comfort you're given is that you've heard the Fatui are quite reasonable and diplomatic most of the time. This is especially true for the Harbingers, you've heard, the twelve most elite members that serve under the Tsaritsa, and the ones that are the most exclusive customers this night. That doesn't mean the Harbingers are any more humane than the average crook. Having worked in a strip club run by the mafia and surrounded by criminal organizations, the more rumored something is, the more dangerous it is. They can be considered devils amongst demons even. That's simply how vile they're supposed to be. 
The most concerning problem about the Harbingers is that you don’t know what they look like, only the occasional whisper has alluded to how to distinguish between the twelve. Perhaps, you can survive through the night if you try not to draw too much attention; let the other dancers shine instead and hope you don’t get requested for a private room or dance. That way, you can ensure you don’t end up dead. 
Your time to go upstage comes sooner than you’re prepared for. Your hands are clammy, and your form trembles in a way that only happened during your first month. Both reactions don’t make for a very good combination when your survival relies on you not fucking up and disappointing criminal customers. As you approach the pole, just like every time you’ve done, you make sure that the crowd’s gazes are in the backdrop of your mind, and instead, fixate on repeating the movements you’ve been taught and have mastered with your experience. Bet your survival on the provocative sway of your hips, the practiced showcase of your legs, and the allure of your dancing form. Beguile the crowd, but not too much, just enough to wow them. From what you can tell by the volume of the crowd, you’re doing a good job pleasing the Fatui enough. Your body stops tremoring after a few minutes on stage, and with one last final push of courage, you focus your eyes on the crowd before you.
Unsurprisingly, the makeup of the Fatui are men, though there are notably quite a few women. Either way, all of their attention is on you. As your eyes scan across a crowd, for one reason or another, you stop at a particular set of eyes near the back of the crowd. Intent, pitch-black abysses stare back, like they were trying to bore into your soul and devour every single motion of yours. They don’t quite hold the same ravenous desire as many of those before you right now, you mentally note with curiosity. It feels like your form is being calculated, in the way a predator would cautiously observe their next prey, a sensation you’ve experienced a few times, but each is no less chilling. The weight of their engrossed gaze causes you to shiver momentarily, and you snap away from their disturbing gaze to prevent any fumbling or faltering while you’re on stage. 
Tonight marks the first time you actively seek out the same viewer while on stage, or even, during your entire time here. For some reason, you feel awfully bold, or curious, whichever two comforts you more, and unlike the meek little rabbit you usually are, you instead search for the viewer’s gaze. You find the pair of eyes with relative ease, as you remember that above their eyes are distinctive snow-white strands with streaks as black as their orbs. You take a moment to study them, and they remind you of a lion–or lioness–among hyenas. The aura they exude varied quite a bit compared to the other Fatui in front of you: not rambunctious, or arrogant; it's apparent they held an aura of indomitable authority just from the way they held themselves. Perfect posture with their clasped hands nested in their lap, with one leg raised over the other. They’re an embodiment of perfected elegance, however, much like a porcelain doll, they’re also expressionless, their appearance unmarred. You don’t examine the Fatui’s form for much longer because their scrutiny on you pricks at your skin irritatedly. 
You don’t look for them again throughout your performance. In fact, you hope you never meet those charcoal pits again. You’re afraid that if you do, you’ll be ensnared by whatever beastly claws or fangs you know that Fatui hides underneath that impenetrable mask. The moment your time on stage ends, you rush back to the changing room to shake off your nerves. You sit down at a nearby chair, taking in deep sighs as you attempt to forget how you were stared down like a you were cornered, defenseless animal. And that is what you are, as much as you hate it. There’s nothing that can protect you from the Fatui. Maybe if you hide, never show your face for the rest of the night, they’ll forget they ever saw you and they’ll target another dancer. Surely, that will work, won’t it? 
You’re able to steady your breathing before you can delve into a panic attack. Tonight, you decide, you’re not going to take any customers to any private rooms or take any private dances. You’d be missing out on a lot of money, but your life is more of a priority as of currently; not after the ‘encounter’ with that individual, you don’t want to think about how many more are just like them, hiding in the crowd like they were awaiting an opportunity to pounce on your vulnerable form. 
Unfortunately, it seems like someone else has other plans for you because your manager storms into the room asking for your whereabouts before his eyes narrow on you. You immediately sit up, stiff as a board when he practically marches his way towards you. 
"Someone wants you." 
You sigh and shake your head. You should have known. "Not tonight." 
He clicks his tongue. "You know I can't allow that tonight." 
You bite your lip. "Just pass them to someone else." 
"They're not someone you or I can refuse." 
"Who?" You question with a shuddering breath, your nails digging into your thigh. 
"The fourth one. The Knave. Lord Arlecchino."
Fuck your life. You might as well pull the trigger now. You’ve heard faint whispers of each Harbinger from the customers audacious enough to speak of them. The youngest, the eleventh, charming and boyish. The ninth, money-obsessed but a pretty looker. The eighth, elegant and cold, yet no less alluring. The seventh, as human-like as their robotic creations, which to say isn’t very. The sixth, is hotheaded and mysterious. The fifth, unknown. And the fourth?
Insane. Ruthless. Bloodthirsty. That’s how the fourth is described. You shiver at the horrors that appear on the forefront of your mind when imagining what may come for you. If you're lucky, you'll be alive at the end of the night, more than likely clinging to the edge of living. 
“Well? What are you waiting for? Get ready as soon as you can.” 
And you do. It’s not long until you stand in front of the private room’s door, your guest is already inside more than likely. The Fourth Harbinger is waiting, you remind yourself, fruitlessly trying to swallow down your stress. You can be dead the minute you step inside, this room could be marked as your grave. Whatever he tells you to do, you’ll obey wordlessly to survive. Just nod along, smile, and do whatever it is that he tells you regardless of the demand. You inhale deeply, regaining some ease of mind, before you bring your knuckles to the door, knocking. 
“Come in,” comes a deep, flat voice, slightly muffled by its distance but what surprises you is how feminine the Harbinger sounds. Maybe you got the wrong room. You glance back at the room number plate on the door, and it’s the room you remember your manager mentioning. It’s the right room. Maybe someone else? You don’t have time to wonder, however, as you enter the room, knowing that if it is the Fourth, it wouldn’t be wise to keep him (Her? Them? You’ll just stick with ‘them’ now.) waiting. 
“Lord Arlecchino?” You inquire as you enter the room, closing the door behind you. Sucking in a harsh inhale, you instantly recognize their distinct hair. It’s them. Your sight is immediately greeted by the figure sitting on the couch before you, sitting in exactly the same way you discovered them–crossed-legged and lounging back with unfaltering confidence. The Knave wears a scarlet blazer over a black compressed turtleneck, with a matching set of crimson leggings. Upon closer inspection, you’re able to make out red irises in their jet-black eyes. Despite the blatant and literal red flag, something about their appearance draws you in even when they scream danger. They’re… you’re not quite sure how to describe them. You admire the unblemished and pale skin, their elegant and rugged demeanor is like the perfect balance between femininity and masculinity. Are they beautiful, or are they handsome? You think both. 
Arlecchino stares back at you like they’re considering devouring you then and there. You can’t suppress the shudder that runs down your spine. You’re a sheep before a wolf. There’s something so chilling about them that even with your experience with other clients, none has ever made you feel this way with just their mere gaze alone. This is what separates the average crook from one of the most powerful mafia members you've ever heard of.
You wait for a response but they only continue to observe you. You take the silence as confirmation to your question and that they’re anticipating something from you. Biting back a sigh of resignation, your hands hook underneath the band of your bra top and you lift it just the slightest amount before a cutting voice makes you freeze.
“What are you doing?” the Harbinger demands, their tone chilling and apathetic, making you want to shrink in yourself immediately. Your blood pumps loudly in your ears and your hands tremble a bit. Something about how designing their gaze makes you suddenly self-aware in a way you’ve never felt before another client–you’re practically half-naked in front of them with your skimpy bra top, undergarments, and fishnets and now is the only moment that you've actually considered how little covering is on you. 
Why are they stopping you? Isn’t this what they wanted you to do? Or maybe they just want to do it themselves. Those types of customers always have the most bruising of grips and suffocating of holds. You stiffen at the notion. How are you going to survive this night with a Fatui Harbinger of all things? How many of your limbs are going to be fractured and how many of your bones are going to end up broken? 
“I…I’m undressing,” your meek voice sounds out and you hate the crack in your speech. The Harbinger continues to scrutinize you. You don’t dare continue disrobing yourself. 
There are several beats of wordless response before they then stand up from the couch. 
Oh shit. You’ve fucked up. Are they going to kill you now? Is this your end? 
Every thought is telling you to run in the opposite direction as they stalk up to you, but you're petrified as you realize with a chill that they’re taller than you. You’re not short by any means, a bit above average height, but they tower over you, looking down at you from above and casting judgment on you like a god. Once they stride toward you, you avoid eye contact by looking straight, observing their neck and clavicle that protrudes from underneath the fabric. You tense when they raise a hand, their manicured fingers placing themselves underneath your chin and long, carmine nails dig into the underside of your jaw, making you wince. They forcefully tilt your head, raising your focus onto their face. 
It’s like they plunged their hands down your throat and ripped out the oxygen from your lungs, leaving you unable to breathe. Up close, the first thing you notice is their lips, plump and red from their lipstick. Briefly, you wonder what color their lipstick would look on your skin. Then your eyes travel up, red-crossed eyes gaze back at you and you gape quietly at the distinct shape of their pupils. You swear that their pupils flash red as you finally lock eye contact with them. 
“Did I tell you to?” Their tone is cold compared to the strange softness of their handsome (beautiful?) face. 
Something in your gut coils inwardly and you want to look away, but their firm hold on your chin prevents you. You bite your bottom lip to repress a whimper. You’re delicate glass in their hands, and they can break you so, so easily. 
“No, sir.” Only the numerous times you’ve said this phrase ensures you don’t stumble over your words. They don’t answer promptly, but as they observe your features, their lips quirk up the slightest amount. 
“You know how to address me. Very good,” Arlecchino purrs after several beats of silence, in a low, oh-so-sultry tone, and oh. Oh. 
You’re not sure why, but their last two words make your stomach churn, but not in a discomforting way. In the way that lights a fire underneath your skin and spreads heat to every part of your body. You’ve never quite felt this way with another customer. You couldn’t believe that your body reacts this way just from a single praise but it doesn’t stop the pooling heat in your bowels. The chill down your spine still remains in place, but there’s an off-putting equilibrium of iciness and fervor generated from the client. 
The Fatui’s eyes stay fixated on you wordlessly until the hand on your chin turns your head, finally breaking you free of their intense behold. Their grip slackens so that they can trace their nails gently down your throat, every inch of surface their fingertips brush against ignites a blaze on your skin. A shuddering exhale leaves your lips and it seems like they take notice because from the corner of your eye, the small uptick of their mouth grows. Despite how sensual and probing the Harbinger’s touch feels, there’s nothing lecherous about it–purely just intrigue and fascination. It’s a touch you both have and never experienced before. Cold nails rake against your throat, not enough to mark or scratch, but enough to invoke shivers. 
You’re aware you should be terrified, but for a reason you can’t pin down, you can’t jerk away from their touch. You try to reason with yourself it was only because you’re one upset away from getting yourself killed but that reasoning falls apart when their hand gingerly traces your jawline and you make the softest of groans, a barely audible noise of content. Unfortunately for you, the sound seems to have reached Arlecchino’s ears and their expression softens slightly: their eyes narrow less and their brows aren’t as creased. And that smirk–if you could even call it that from how faint it is–becomes a half-smirk. 
They pull their hand away and your trance is broken, reality returning back to you as you remember that the person before you is still a Fatui Harbinger, no matter how bizarrely melting their touch was. They turn on their heel and walk towards the couch in front of you; the slightest bit of heaviness is placed on your heart. You remain stationary where you are, observing them as they seat themselves gracefully on the couch, and their attention encounters yours again. Their black pits hold expectancy in them. At first, you’re clueless as to what the criminal desires from you, but then their legs spread apart, an inviting gesture that beckons you and every rational thought leaves your easily swayed mind. Your heart skips a beat, and you're sure this time it's not out of trepidation. 
Even if you didn’t command them to, your legs would take you to their seating figure. You stand before them, feeling blatantly disrespectful to look down at Arlecchino, but you await their order. They lean back, lounging laxly against the couch, their posture never lacking their usual self-assurance. It only ties the knot in your gut tighter. You’re aware of what they’re instructing you to do, but the absent confirmation makes you hesitant. It seems like the Knave picks up on this because the room echoes with one definitive spouted word from their lips, authority and dominance ringing through their husky voice. 
“Sit.” 
Your legs buckle underneath you from the one-worded response, the demand only stoking the consuming fire inside you. Eager to please, you perch yourself on their lap, straddling them, your knees pressed into the furniture below you and encasing both of their thighs between your own. 
Oh, you think to yourself as your legs make contact with their thighs. They're firm. And for some reason, that provokes your stomach to churn in itself even more. You're so close to them, enough to feel their breath cascade against your skin. 
As you seat yourself, you nearly clumsily topple over, instinctively grasping onto their shoulders for support. Their shoulders are remarkably broad, you regard, well-muscled as well. Their hands creep up on your hips, steady but gentle hands grasping on each bare side of yours to stabilize you. The heat that radiates from their hands is infectious, regardless of the nails that burrow into your plush waist. For the first time, you flush considerably, a sweltering inferno forming in your cheeks and your head fills with dizziness. Their touch is gentle–something you rarely experience with customers–so, so gentle that you would describe it as heavenly. How can someone so inexplicably vile have heaven on their fingertips?
It's not a position you never found yourself in. In fact, it's far from the first time you've been like this with another client. But here, as you're sat on top of the Fatui Harbinger, and red x-pupils search yours, a foreign feeling passes through you. Placing your finger on it, you dubiously think it's bashfulness, but the heartbeat that sings in your ears and pulses underneath your fingertips tells you otherwise, tells you it's something more. Against that, you remove your grasp on their shoulders and place your palm flat against the couch’s surface behind the Knave. 
You squirm a bit, nervousness in your form as you remain as still as you possibly can, waiting for any more instructions. All you need to do is act like an obedient doll for them in order to survive; compliance is the best way of ensuring survival with people like these. You feel like you're merely eye candy from the way that their attention flits across your body, but you're immobile throughout the entirety of their observance. Being looked at is much better than any physical interaction. Their hands still cup your hips, but slowly, they descend to the side of your thighs, making your skin feel tingly. 
Impulsively, you mumble out a quiet "Sir…" as strange sensations brush against your skin. 
The sound surprises you and you feel on edge as their eyes travel from your lower half to your face. You gulp considerably. From their stare, they expect more of a response, a reason for their addressment, but even you don’t know yourself; it seems like an unconscious calling that just rolled off your tongue. You cow underneath their gaze, even when the two of you are at eye level. When you linger in quietude, their hand releases one of your thighs and lifts to your face, supporting your chin while their thumb rests on your bottom lip, unfurling it just the slightest amount to implore an answer from your now parted lips. Gleaming scarlet pupils grip your regard sternly, piercing into you and instilling you to spew something out. Except, you still can’t, now too entranced and lost in the crimson. 
“Doll.” 
Despite the pet name, it's devoid of any affection or warmth. It's a word that drips of command, a reminder of your place: simply a toy that they can play with however they want, a manipulated and decorated plaything for their amusement. That means you answer to them, and so when they request a response, you're under the obligation to please them. Your survival is in their palms anyway, if they wanted you to dance, you would just so they wouldn’t strangle the life out of you. 
However, its implication doesn’t prevent the tingling shudders that wrack your body nor the involuntary clenching of your thighs around theirs. Was it the gravelly voice that aroused your behavior? Your cheeks flare at the knowledge that Harbinger sensed the physical reaction. It shouldn't be possible. It shouldn't be possible, your thoughts repeat, but then they're interrupted by: 
"Oh?" Arlecchino inquires to themselves, a stark amusement in their speech. Their red glare illuminates slightly, replacing the lost darkening with a faint glow in their pupils, and the corner of their mouth curls up. It is only then that you discover something entirely new: that monsters can be sinfully, cataclysmically, terrifyingly beautiful and the sight before you is the most exquisite example. A devil has you wrapped in its claws and its fangs readied for devouring but it’s disguised as an ethereal angel; blinded by their perilous allure, you mistake their snow-white hair, their lustrous piercing rubies, their flawless porcelain skin, and their burning, fleeting touches as traits of a seraph. From a measly smirk, you forget the atrocities lying underneath their fingertips and dismiss the hazard their presence holds. 
The hand on your thigh rakes its fingers up, red nails trailing across the surface of your fishnet, wrenching out a breathy gasp from you as they travel inwards. Tingling pleasure injects into your veins as you subconsciously lean in, imploring for further sensual contact. A plea sits on your tongue and nests in your eyes as you beg them through your pitiful expression. They drink in your desperation with a slow swipe of their tongue over their lips, and that single action is debauched enough to elicit a soft groan from your throat.
“Well, aren’t you an amusing toy?” They drawl out with a preposing rasp and dark abysses glint with an insatiable hunger. 
They smirk enticingly, their thumb running across your bottom lip and smearing your lipstick on their thumb pad. Their grip on your chin tightens a bit, pulling you even closer to them before a shadow casts over you when their face nears. Before you can even fathom their intentions, they descend upon you, closing the distance between the two of you. Your lips are greeted with something pillowy soft and fervently warm, and you sharply inhale from the sensation. Every one of your nerves sings frenziedly, your muscles tense all over, and your heartbeat drums deafeningly in your ears–all of this as your body is engulfed in a fervid tornado of heat that makes you lightheaded with pleasure. It takes you several beats to realize the reason for this is that Lord Arlecchino, the Fourth Harbinger, the Knave is kissing–no, kissing is far too intimate, devouring–you voraciously like they're trying to rob you of any air, trying to imprint themselves on your mouth. Their mouth dominates yours, pushing against them with a deep fervor and famished urgency, eager to swallow every bit of shocked noise you make. 
You close your eyes and allow yourself to indulge. 
You first taste lipstick with a waxy flavor hitting your tastebuds. It’s cold against your lips, yet warm at the same time. But the physical texture and flavor of their lips are irrelevant; there’s only one true manner you would distinguish their taste: 
They taste like sin. 
The type of sin that’s chocolate coated and sprinkled with colorful toppings; depravity so sweet and charming it makes you reconsider the bounds of right and wrong. Degeneracy is far, far tastier than anything you’ve indulged in before. How can something so evil be so heavenly? Cushiony soft, placidly warm, flatteringly zealous, it’s like having a dance with a devil; so unequivocally immoral but no less gratifying. You question if they really belong to the Fatui because how can something like this come from such? You want to engrave the texture of their mouth onto your memory, feel this faux intimacy even when you’ve long parted. The Fourth Harbinger, you surmise as you surrend your will to them, is decadent–the only word that can be defined as both wicked and delectable at once–the perfect word to describe them. 
The last remaining bit of reasoning comes to the backdrop of your thoughts and begs you to not be swept away in the heavenly embrace. You discount it in favor of accepting this godsent gift by leaning further with a weak imitation of their ravishing lips and pressing back. It’s a feeble attempt to match their insatiate nature, far too domineering and forceful than you can manage but they display a token of appreciation when they squeeze your thigh, indenting your skin shallowly with the burrowing of their nails. The action exposes just how sensitive you’ve gone underneath their touch and you reward them with the sweetest of sounds. 
“Arlecchino,” you mumble with half-lidded dazed eyes in between ravenous exchanges and it evokes a depraved throaty growl from the Fatui, like provoking a call from a starving beast. They lean deeper to indulge in your taste. The gruff sound reaches your ears and it’s like a psalm–you shudder from its musical melody. 
Their clutch on your jaw releases and their fingers outline your jawline before snaking to the back of your head. Well-manicured digits entangle themselves in your hair, and there’s a gentle shove against your skull that forces you deeper into the kiss. Your hands clutch onto the couch underneath you as tight as you physically can for any sense of grounding and your knees attempt to close in even more to feel more of their body against yours. The hand on your leg, in turn, caresses the length of your thigh. 
Every graceful touch, stroke, and brush exudes an unyielding and infectious warmth that only adds to the stoking fire in your gut, and you’re bathed in so much swelter from the ecstasy that you feel dizzy. Yet, you never want it to end, you grow more addicted and drunk with each encounter of their lips. That, paired with your strained breathing, prompts your stamina to falter much sooner than the Harbinger’s. You let out a soft whine to signal your depleting oxygen, and their mouth unlatch with yours, pulling away despite your ache for more. With the separation comes a small string of saliva attached between the two of you, evidence of the shared intimacy that’s snapped when they lick their lips. The hand behind your head detangles from your hair and you silently mourn over the loss of contact. 
You heave for air, your chest rising and falling rapidly. You’re a little perturbed when you notice that they’re not even out of breath, a small but firm reminder that they’re as inhuman as humans can be. That knocks a sense of reality back into you. Customer, mafia, Fatui, Harbinger, it comes back to you like a train. Here you are swapping spit with them while in the lap of potentially the most dangerous criminal you could ever meet, but fuck were they a good kisser–you’ve never experienced anything that came close to this in your lifetime.
Any foolish doubtful contemplation of the morality of this interaction is swept away just like that when you hear:
“Greedy little thing that you are,” they regard with the most cunning and handsome of smiles, discrete amusement dripping from their words. Their dark pits behold you entirely, the same way they have always done when it seems like they were contemplating what part of you to savor the most. Only this time, you’re not so disturbed by the notion. If anything, the swirling heat in between your legs suggests the opposite.  
Greedy wasn't a word often associated with you, yet you couldn't more correctly describe yourself in that moment. Greedy. Greedy for a Fatui Harbinger no less. As ashamed as you should be, there's no use denying that you crave for their touch, for their gaze, for anything and everything they're willing to give you. You want everything and more. The more you contemplate, the more it seems obvious why you wouldn’t. Are they a devil disguised as an angel, or are they an angel that fell from grace? Regardless, they bring nirvana to you. An incessant desire bubbles inside you, your throat swelling up with an urgent request on the tip of your tongue. Would they allow such a thing if you plead? Would they be offended by your impudence? Would they punish you for such? But the necessity outweighs any reconsideration of your insolence and the supplicant beg tumbles out of your loose lips. 
“Can I… touch you please, my Lord?” You croak out, wincing at just how wretched it comes out. The response from them is not immediate as the two of you stew in silence, a building sense of dejection inside of you. The expression on their face noticeably contorts, smile lessening, their brows furrowing, and their red x’s glinting dimly. Their free hand raises to near your neck and you suck in a harsh breath as their fingers enclose around your throat. The mere action sends a stinging reminder to your lust-dazed thoughts about their position, and a chill pierces you. 
Mafia, Fatui, Harbinger, the Fourth Harbinger, the Knave–the labels cycle through your thoughts. Though their grip is lax, not exactly suffocating and giving ample space to breathe, their fingertips does acutely jab into your skin, a display of their impressive grip strength. You have no doubt that they can suffocate you with one hand alone, snap your neck, or, as your mind ventures into more harrowing territories, crush your skull. Those thoughts alone has you breathless with anticipation. A heavy weight suddenly appears in your gut, so heavy that you feel like you can’t move so much as a muscle. 
Did you just go too far? Was that too much to ask? Was this how you were going to die?
The reflex to gag and inhale combat each other in your throat, a discomforting sensation that crawls up your spine while you tremble. You’re almost certain that the nails have penetrated the layer of skin, drawing beads of blood that’ll trail down your mark. You whimper at the prickly pain. Yet, in all your unease, the most masochistic thought arrives briefly at the forefront, and you can’t help but consider: this position is just as intimate as all the other interactions. You’re already so vulnerable in their lap, does the hand around your neck change your peril in any way? No, you’ve been a defenseless lamb to a slaughter the moment you’ve stepped into the domain of a menacing wolf. 
Ah. Even now, you can’t dismiss the warmth of their fingertips. 
“Do you still want to touch me when I do this?” They demand callously, their voice harsh and reverberating through the room. Their grasp closes more around, and you feel your supply of oxygen inhibited. Tears begin to brim your eyes, but you’re undeterred. Unlike Arlecchino’s, your answer is instant and breathless. Your eyes intently lock on theirs, the hardened expression enough to satisfy their question. There’s no need for contemplation. Danger, you determine, is addicting. 
“Yes.”
The previously small smile stretches across their lips considerably. Content, or dare you say it, thrill writes itself over their face and the boulder previously pressed against your shoulders is lifted. Your throat is freed from their hold, but their touch doesn’t halt there. Instead, they rotate your head for you to face to the left, exposing your side profile to them. From the corner of your eyes, you watch as their face draws closer to your skin, hot breath cascading across the small dents her nails created. The one on your thigh finally leaves, moving to one of your hips, tender strokes across your flushed surface. They lean forward, and moist, plush skin meets yours. Lips traverse over the length of your neck, teeth scraping against, making you weakly groan. It takes all of your will to still your body, only allowing for the Harbinger to do whatever they desire to your form. Their touches are burning, burning, burning–so hot that you wonder if you’re experiencing a heat wave. Peppered kisses follow the edge of your jawbone, all the way up to your earlobe. A wet kiss graces your ear and then the most sinful of statements dignifies your eardrums, like a devil whispering hymns directly into your ear. 
“I think I’ll keep you to myself after this.”
A short hum follows afterward. 
“If you want to touch me, you’ll have to work for it. You’re only mine for tonight, aren't you? Entertain me. Give me a private dance, doll. After all, you have me for all night.” 
---
Link to M-Alexa's amazing art and how I imagine Arlecchino to look like in this oneshot.
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andysorbit · 1 year
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1 Corinthians 6:19 (M)
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Church boy!Doyoung x church girl!reader Minors, fuck outta here Warnings: corruption?, some bible verses, Siwon is an asshole, unprotected sex, oral sex, fingering, light dirty talk, daddy kink, spanking, choking, overstimulation Is this blasphemy??? Idk sorry to those who are religious? I mean if you're reading this then... ya know.
Word count: 7.2k?? I know it's a lot
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"He's not gonna take the bait. He's got a crucifix up his ass," Jaemin says and rolls his eyes.
The church basement is quiet and one thing you've all learned from being in this... Holy Place... is how to successfully whisper in a room so quiet that even Hellen Keller could hear a mouse piss on cotton.
Joy leans in closer but never takes her eyes away from her Bible, "Y/n, he's not interested. You need to learn to quit while you're ahead. Siwon has him on a leash," she mutters.
"No, Jesus has him on a leash," Jaemin counters.
You pretend you don't hear them and turn back to Kun, "You got his cousin to give you a chance. He can't be that much different."
Kun looks across at Joy and smirks, "Don't say it like that... you sound like I used her," he mumbles.
Joy chuckles softly, "You were using me. You just didn't bank on getting used."
"And that's why I love you," he sighs.
Joy shakes her head, "You think you love me."
Your eyes wander back over to Doyoung's face and you watch him closely.
Sunday school is over for the day and you're all left to prepare for next week's lesson.
It's the same ritualistic pattern that’s posted on a bulletin board in Pastor Siwon's obsurdly perfect writing:
Sunday Schedule
Sunday school must begin at 8 AM and end by no later than 8:50 AM.
Breakfast/refreshments to be served from 8:55 AM to 9:15 AM.
Sunday school instructors are to work on next week's lesson from 9:00 AM to 9:45 AM
Everyone must be upstairs and seated in the sanctuary by 9:55 AM
Siwon's a bitch.
He hates women, gay people, and anyone he can't use God to manipulate. He also hates his brother Doyoung.
Siwon's father wanted Doyoung to lead the church in the event that he were to suddenly die. It was a discussion that had been talked about for years.
Nobody paid it much attention until, of course, their father did suddenly die.
The entire church- including Siwon's own wife- voted for Doyoung to lead but Doyoung, being an obedient little brother, declined.
"I'm just happy to be here and serve God with you all. Siwon hyung is more equipped to lead you than I am and I'm more than happy to continue teaching Sunday school with the little ones. If leading a church is my calling, our Savior will make me ready for that day but until then, let's just praise Him and do our best to show His glory."
That day, you were more than a little disappointed to say the least. You knew he'd look good in a clergy robe but here he is, still teaching the little ones.
Doyoung instructs the preschoolers, Kun instructs grades one through three, Jaemin instructs grades four through six, Joy instructs grades seven through nine, and you teach grades ten through twelve.
You don't enjoy it but you do it. You don't enjoy this church but you still come. Not because you feel obligated but because you don't want your funds cut.
None of you do.
Doyoung is the only one who still comes to church willingly, he prays with fervency, and cries during worship.
Sometimes, you wonder if he cries because he really feels God's presence or if that's his subconscious pleading for release from the Holy sunken place.
"I have to teach the kids about abstinence. I hate that," Joy mutters and snaps you out of your trance.
"Because you're a godless whore?" Jaemin laughs quietly.
Surprisingly, she nods, "I feel like a hypocrite."
"But you're not," You tell her. She smiles at you appreciatively.
"Ask Doyoung to help you. He's read the whole fuckin' Bible cover to cover four times already." Jaemin says.
You perk up when you hear Doyoung's folding chair softly drag across the concrete floor.
"Thirsty ass," Jaemin Snickers.
"Shut the fuck up," You hiss and drop your eyes back down to your Bible.
"Ask him for me, Y/n," Joy whispers.
"Hey, Doyoung?" You say as you close your Bible.
The room feels even hotter and you lock eyes with him.
He gives you the warmest smile, "Yes, Y/n?"
"Joy has to teach about abstinence and she needs help but she's not sure how to ask you. She's awkward about it," You tell him.
He smiles and nods at you then looks over at Joy, "You're such a jelly belly, Joy," He glances at the clock behind you, "Well, we have ten minutes. I finished early so I can help you."
He sits down in the empty chair beside yours and opens his Bible,
"I really like first Corinthians chapter six verse... nineteen. It.. speaks on how our bodies are temples and how they belong to God. I think that's a good way to start the conversation. You have to remember, Joy, your job is scratch the surface. They'll have a deeper discussion with their parents. You really don't wanna cross that boundary,"
Joy nods. This is her first go round with Sunday school. Yeri used to teach it but she just disappeared one day. There were rumors that she had gotten pregnant and that's why she stopped coming with her parents.
It's none of your business, though.
You sit and listen to him explain things so happily. His eyes light up and for a moment, you wish you were God just so he could make your own name sound so beautiful.
"I hope I was able to help you with this. If you need any help, don't be scared to ask. I'm here as much as I can be. Closed mouths can't get fed," Doyoung says warmly.
Jaemin snorts and masks it with a cough, "Sorry," he whispers.
Everyone gets up and Doyoung softly touches your arm, "Can I talk to guys before we go up?" he asks. You nod and watch as your friends glance at each other with befuddled expressions.
"Why don't you guys like me?" he asks and you feel your heart break.
"What? Who said that? Doyoung, who said that to you?" You ask him softly.
"My brother did. He said that... you guys talk about me behind my back and- I just wanna know what I did. I haven't made you feel uncomfortable, have I?" he searches your face for an answer and you can't believe he thinks that.
"Doyoung, we thought you didn't like us. You never sit with us and we thought you just preferred your own company," Kun says apologetically.
"I'm sorry. I- we never meant to make you feel that way. Especially me. We would love it if you sat with us," You say eagerly.
"Oh, yeah. Especially her," Jaemin agrees. You whip your head around to glare at Jaemin and he throws his hands up in concession.
You turn back to Doyoung and he smiles, "I know I can be a little closed off sometimes. Please don't hold it against me," he chuckles.
"It's no problem. We know you mean well," Jaemin says with a tight smile.
He's always been a bit stand-offish with Doyoung. How Siwon could have such a good brother perplexes him.
Doyoung smiles, "Okay. Next Sunday, I'm with you guys."
You nod, "I'm looking forward to it!"
~
Your week is slow and you're actually excited to be going to church. You pick Jaemin up on your way and he smokes as you drive.
"This shit better be aired out before we get there," You tell him.
He shrugs, "You say that every Sunday. Has it ever not been aired out?"
"Got me there," You concede.
Jaemin tosses his cigarette out the window at the red light. As you turn the block and into the parking lot, you see Doyoung get out of his car.
As always, he's neat and casual; opting for his usual solid-colored slacks and polo shirt. He looks so good.
"As much as I hate to say this, you're gonna have to stop picking me up if you're gonna get him to nail you to a cross," Jaemin says as you're parking your car.
"I hope you get lung cancer," You sigh.
Jaemin laughs, "You don't mean that."
When you get out, you see Doyoung leaning against his car.
He's waiting for you.
"Good morning!" he cheers.
"Good morning," You say back.
Jaemin gives him a wave, "He's trying to figure us out," he murmurs.
"Then stop cockblocking," You mumble back.
"I'm gonna head in. I have to help the kids with a few things. Thanks for the ride, Y/n," Jaemin says.
Doyoung squeezes his Bible and looks over at you, "So you never need any help with Sunday school. How is it?" He asks.
"It's good. The kids are great. Yeri took good care of them before they graduated," You tell him.
He nods, "Hey... uh... I was wondering if you wanted to um... go with me to the church picnic next month? Siwon's been..." he trails off because he's obviously trying not to badmouth his brother.
"Nagging you?" You ask quietly.
He freezes like a startled rabbit then nods, "Yeah," he whispers.
"You don't have to be married until you're ready. Besides... I'm not marrying you," You laugh.
Doyoung laughs too, "You know how he is... why he married Taeyeon and all that," he sighs.
"He just wanted a piece of ass and didn't wanna burn in hell for it?" You blurt out.
Doyoung, surprisingly, bursts out laughing, "Is he that obvious?" he says with an exasperated smile.
He's so handsome.
"Yeah," You say, "He is."
Sunday school is mundane as usual and when it's over, Doyoung comes to sit with you. Right beside you to be specific.
Jaemin smirks.
People in the congregation tried to rally for you and Jaemin to date and prelude to marriage but that would never happen.
Jaemin's gay and he's fucking the choir director's son Renjun but that, along with everything else that's sinful in this church, is none of your business. He's your friend and you love him but he's private about his affairs.
Everyone has a level of privacy they maintain in order to cover their own asses. He trusts you with his life but he stays discreet to keep your hands clean.
"It's my week to clean the church," Doyoung sighs.
"Tough luck," Joy laughs, "I had last week."
"I'll be okay," Doyoung says, "It's my own fault for staying up so late."
"Y/n can help you. It's not like she has anything to do later," Kun pipes up.
"No, that's okay," Doyoung says softly, "If she doesn't wan-"
"I really don't have anything to do later and you look pretty tired. I don't mind helping you," You say eagerly and Jaemin stiffles a laugh.
After service, you seek out Doyoung and he pulls you to the side, "Wait for everyone to leave. It'll make more sense once they do," he whispers.
So you say your goodbyes and avoid Siwon's leering eyes.
Once the church is empty, Doyoung smiles at you, "Come with me," he says cheerfully as he leads you to the sound booth.
"This is why it always takes me so long to finish."
He tinkers with his phone and when Higher Ground by Stevie Wonder begins playing, he looks over at you, "Doesn't it sound so good in the church? The way it echoes?" he says as he leans in close enough for you to hear him.
The chill that rushes down your spine sends you into a frenzy and Doyoung notices. Your voice fails you so you nod.
He doesn't say anything but he does hold your gaze. He's hard to read but you don't worry.
You clean and enjoy his playlist. One thing that hasn't changed is his love for Motown. As you clean, you sing together and when he's feeling extra playful, he keeps his eyes trained on yours and sings to you.
For a moment, you think that he wants you too.
~
When Doyoung comes to pick you up for the picnic, he's dressed in a seafoam green t-shirt, blue jeans, and white Keds.
He beams at you as he leans against the car, "What are the chances?" he says as he gestures to your seafoam green knee-length midi dress and white Keds.
"I definitely look better," You chuckle as you walk towards him. He opens the passenger door for you, "You look beautiful," he says as his eyes roam over you. "Thank you, Doyoung," You say as you hold his gaze, "You look really good too."
You can't look away from him and it's obvious he's losing the battle as well.
He draws in closer to you and hesitates. You reach out to gently place your hand on his cheek,
"I'm not gonna stop you if that's what you're waiting for."
Doyoung slots his lips against yours and kisses you slowly.
His kiss is essentially who he is; warm, gentle, wholesome.
He slinks an arm around to draw you closer, "Is this okay?" he asks you.
You nod and melt against the firmness of his body. He sets your insides on fire and the subtle strength of his hold on you sends a frenzied storm straight down to the pit of your stomach.
You can already feel your panties soaking.
He breaks the kiss and smiles at you then dips back down to kiss you once more,
"We should... get going," he says into your ear and it's so obvious that he wants to press a kiss to your neck.
"Let me go first," You chuckle.
He loosens his grip on you and smiles, "Whoops," he laughs softly.
"We're gonna be late," He says and it's more to himself because he's very much aware that he's the holdup.
You slip down into the car and look up at him.
He stares back at you and you can see his mind racing. He takes a deep breath and wets his lips with his tongue before closing the passenger door.
You watch him go behind the car and stop for a moment; bowing his head and closing his eyes, he prays. You know he's asking for forgiveness and strength.
He finally moves around to the driver's seat and gets in; he seems ready to pull off but he hesitates,
"Traveling mercies," he says softly and bows his head.
You follow suit and he prays,
"Blessed Father God, thank you for giving us another opportunity to live another day in your glory. Please be with us as we travel today. We're thankful as always for your love and protection. In Jesus' name, amen."
"Amen," You whisper.
He starts the car and his motown playlist picks up from the middle of Mama’s Pearl by the Jackson 5 and you smile.
As he drives, you both chat about work and sometimes stop to sing because the music is just too good.
"You're the only person who sings with me," he says as he pulls into the church parking lot.
"Am I?" You ask incredulously, "How could anyone not wanna sing with you?"
Doyoung shrugs, "I dunno... I don't mind. I think I prefer if it's only you anyway."
You smile at him and he puts the car in park before cutting the engine.
Your mind wanders back to when you were both younger and how close you were to each other.
As if he read your mind, he pipes up,
"What happened to us?"
"I don't know, Doyoung, but I miss you," You reply.
"I think I let Siwon steer me too much. He always said you were trouble and I'd be getting myself a one-way ticket to hell if I stuck around you..." he trails off.
"Ouch," You grunt.
"I'm sorry I told you that," he says apologetically.
"Don't be... I kinda already knew... but why the sudden change? Are you just trying to spite him?" You ask.
Doyoung shakes his head, "Not at all. I just... I'm tired of trusting him so blindly... he's not a good person."
You arch your eyebrows in surprise, "It's okay that you trusted him. He's your brother and you love him. There's nothing wrong with that."
He nods and then opens his door, "I'll get your door for you. Stay put," he says.
He comes around and opens your door. As you get out, you see Siwon pull in a few spots down.
He's alone.
He gets out of comes over with a confused smile, "Sister, your dress is mighty short," he says.
"And considering there's a dresses only code for a picnic, so is my patience," You say with a tight smile.
Siwon nods and stands down, "Fair enough," he concedes before looking over at Doyoung, "Is she your date?"
Doyoung nods, "We agreed to come together so yes... she is."
Siwon smiles. "Well it is time you started seeking out a wife."
Doyoung shakes his head, "It's not a job hunt, hyung. I'll know when it's time," he says sheepishly.
"Of course," Siwon says with a smile, "I'll see you guys 'round back."
When he leaves, Doyoung looks at you, "I'll leave early if you do."
"Definitely. How long should we stay?" You ask him.
"I say we give it about an hour. Eat light. I'll cook for you," he says with a shy smile.
"You're gonna cook for me? Get outta here," You say with surprised smile.
"It's a hobby... no big deal," he says coolly.
He's pulling you in.
You watch as Siwon stands at the grill and burns a fourth burger. It's a shame that hardly anyone is eating and those who are, obviously aren't enjoying the food.
You're close enough to hear him mutter to himself about it. Renjun comes over, "Pastor, I can take it from here." he says with a sheepish smile.
Siwon turns him away just as he has the others but Renjun doesn't back down; instead, he drops all pretenses of pleasantries and gently pries the spatula out of Siwon's hand, "Nobody likes your food. Look around," he says.
"They're burgers, Renjun. Taeyeon did this all by herself last year. How hard can it be?" Siwon scoffs.
"Rocket science since nobody can tell your burgers from a hockey puck now... move. Over," Renjun says shortly.
Siwon sighs and moves over, "Everyone's so mean today. First Y/n and her dress now you and these burgers."
Renjun flips the burgers with ease and rolls his eyes, "We're only two people- not the whole world and there's nothing wrong with Y/n's dress. She looks pretty. If you're feeling some type of way about her kneecaps then that's something you should work out with God. Don't put the blame on her for it."
Renjun looks at you and winks. You smile back and fight back your laughter. You take a sip of your soda and watch Doyoung come over to you.
"Ready to go?" he asks you softly.
You nod, "Yeah... I am."
"Head into the church. I'll count to seventy and meet you by the nursery," he says.
You nod and stand up.
You head inside and wait for him.
You send Jaemin a text:
Y/n: he's gonna cook for me 😳
Jaemin: CAN I GET TO DA YAMZ??? SWEET YAAAAAAMZ!!! 😩😩😩💦💦💦💦🍑🍑🍑🍑🍆🍆🍆🍆
Y/n: Why did I even bother telling you 🙄
Doyoung comes around the corner and you slip your phone back into your bag. He takes your hand,
"Come on."
Doyoung's house is a cozy one level cottage. He's big on earth tones.
"This is your house? It suits you, Doyoung," You gush as he unlocks the front door. The aroma of clove hits you and for only a breadth of a second, you imagine waiting for him in this very foyer after he's come home from along day of work.
"Is that a good thing?" he laughs.
"Yeah. Your house is really cute."
"You think I'm cute?"
"I don't kiss ugly men."
He turns to you and smirks, "That was... my first kiss y'know."
"No," You gasp.
He nods, "Yep."
"Doyoung, be serious!" You exclaim because there is no way in hell he could've kissed you that well if it was his first time.
"I am! Why is that so hard to believe?" he laughs.
"It was too good... just too good," You say incredulously.
He gives you a smug smile, "My ego's gonna skyrocket. Be quiet."
You stare at him with bewildered eyes and he waves a hand at you, "Come on. I know you're hungry."
His kitchen is decorated in shades of terracotta. You look around at the neatness of everything.
After you take turns washing your hands, Doyoung pulls a bowl of fruit salad out of his refrigerator, "I made this for the picnic but I forgot it so eat as much as you want because I don't want it to go to waste but I'm definitely not going back to drop it off."
You laugh and pop a grape into your mouth. His eyes linger on your mouth so you take the opportunity to pick up a pineapple chunk and bite into it slowly.
The blush spreads across his cheeks but he can't look away, "I um... what are you hungry for?"
"Whatever you wanna cook. I just wanna eat," You say between bites.
Doyoung smiles at you, "Do you want... rosemary chicken? I have a really good recipe and I still have fresh rosemary left," he rings his hands out nervously.
"That sounds so good!" You exclaim.
You watch Doyoung prepare ingredients and you make small talk and of course, he plays some music; this time opting for a soft jazz playlist.
"You like carrots?" He asks as he chops up a carrot.
"Eh... not raw," You say with a frown. You watch him hold a slice out for you.
"Do it for me. It's good for your eyes. They're too pretty to not be taken care of. Say 'ah'. C'mon," he says eagerly.
You frown a little deeper and pull back.
"Ugh, I'm gonna have to scratch you off my potential wife list. You're too disobedient. Yuck," he says with mock disgust and a sassy roll of his own pretty eyes.
You both cackle and you let him ease the carrot slice into your mouth.
"That's a good girl," he hums.
You both freeze and the silence that hangs over his playlist is deafening.
"What?" You grunt.
"I'm so sorry I said that," he says just above a whisper.
"Why would you be sorry you said that?" You ask him as you pucker your lips suspiciously.
Doyoung blushes again, "I don't... know," he replies and pops his lips. He tries not to smirk but he fails and he gives you a gentle brush across your cheek with his knuckles.
You lean into his hand and he gives you a knowing look.
When the food is ready, Doyoung seats you at his breakfast nook, "Lunch is served," he says as he sets your plate down in front of you.
"Wow... Doyoung, it's almost too pretty to eat," You say as you look at the plate and then up at him.
He smiles and turns to get his own plate. He brings it to the table and sits across from you. He reaches his hands across to take yours,
"Will you lead us in saying grace, sister?"
He's definitely flirting.
"Um... dear Lord, thank you for this food we're about to eat, bless the hands of the chef, and bless us as we take privilege in enjoying this meal," You say softly.
Doyoung smiles and stands back up, "I forgot the wine," he says as he crosses the kitchen to retrieve it from the refrigerator before getting two wine glasses from the cabinet.
"So... bless the hands of the chef, huh?" he says as he pops the cork.
You watch him bring the bottle and the glasses over, "Yeah... you did a great job," You say.
He fills your glass and then his own, "Bless the mouths that enjoy it," he counters as he holds his glass up.
You clink your glass against his as you nod in agreement, "Amen."
You can't conceive how Doyoung's meal can taste better than it looks but somehow, it's possible. As you finish off your wine, Doyoung clears the table.
"Doyoung, that was the best meal I've ever eaten," You say as you lean back and sigh.
Doyoung's face lightens up, "I'm glad you enjoyed it. Next time, I'll bake you something," he says and winks at you.
"Bake me something?" You gasp, "You're gonna bake for me too?"
Doyoung nods, "I told you, it's just a hobby."
"That's a great hobby. You're really good at it," You tell him.
"Siwon hates that I do this... he says it's menial woman's work but I like doing it and I like being useful. I don't want my wife to cook for me because she has to... I want her to cook for me because she likes me,"
You tilt your head "Because she likes you?" You ask him.
"Yeah," Doyoung nods, "Loving someone and liking someone are often two very different things. You can love someone and not like them. I love my brother but I don't like him... I want my wife to like me. I want her to smile when she thinks about me. I don't want what Siwon has with Taeyeon. I want my wife to see me as someone worthy of respect and not as someone she feels religiously obligated to respect."
You nod in agreement, "That's a good thing to want. There's nothing wrong with that." You reply.
Doyoung leans over the sink, "I don't want things to be traditional," he murmurs.
"Yeah?" You egg him on. You know the wine has him on the cusp of saying something that he normally wouldn't say.
"I- I don't... I don't wanna marry a woman who gives herself to me because the Bible says we have to reproduce. I wanna marry a woman who jumps into bed with me because she thinks I'm hot and I turn her on, I want her to... to think about me and squeeze her thighs together because I just do it for her. I don't believe that love has to be so... boring. Why would God even give us all of these feelings if we're supposed to just ignore them?" he finally says.
You sit in silence and Doyoung chuckles.
"Have I said too much?" he asks as he turns to look at you.
"No... of course not. I don't... see where you're wrong. You deserve that... Besides, if it's in us, it's meant to be enjoyed within reason," You say as you rise to your feet. You step closer to him and he reaches out for you.
"I placed bets that I'd marry you," he confesses as his lips find the corner of your mouth. He presses a light kiss to your skin there then his lips ease down to your neck.
"Yeah?" You sigh.
He hums as he kisses down to the base of your throat, "Yeah."
"Gambling is a sin." You laugh and he catches you lips with his own.
"I'm not always traditional," he sighs.
He traps you against the counter and the warmth of his body soothes you, "I won't do anything to you that you don't want me to do," he sighs as he kisses you.
"Do your worst, church boy," You whisper.
Doyoung slides his hands up your dress and cups your pussy. He moans, "Did I do that to you?" he purrs.
"Yeah... you always do," You hum.
He quirks up an eyebrow, "This is a regular occurrence for you?" he laughs against your lips.
"Uh huh... And sometimes when it gets to be too much, I touch myself."
"Y/n! No!"
You laugh, "Oh, yes!"
Doyoung tuts and dips his tongue into your mouth, "Such a dirty... dirty girl." He slips his hand into your panties and his fingers find your clit. For the first time ever, he curses,
"Fuck, you're soaked, baby,"
It sounds so hot and you whimper as he strokes your clit slowly.
"Doyoung!" You shrill.
"For what it's worth... I'm no better. You just do something to me and I... I can't control it."
He takes his free hand to bring one of your arms up to his shoulder and then the other, "Hold onto me," he says and his voice is low and steady.
You circle your arms around his neck and kiss him hungrily. His fingers massage you slowly, "Does this feel good?" he asks you.
"F-faster... please?" You plead softly. He laughs and easily obliges.
"Spread your legs a little more for me, sweetheart," he tells you softly; you quickly do as your told and he pulls back to smile at you,
"Good girl."
You moan a little bit louder and he pulls his hand out of your panties. His fingers find his way to his mouth and he sucks them clean, "Are you comfortable with coming with me to my bedroom? I can have you here next time."
"Next time?" You gawk.
"There will be a next time. You have stars in your eyes, Y/n."
He takes your hands and presses your knuckles to his lips, "Am I wrong?"
You shake your head, "No."
"Then let's go," he says and leads you out of the kitchen. Your head spins with excitement as he brings you along gently.
His bedroom is a cozy and comfortably cluttered dream. On the seat of his bow window, sits his Bible; it's opened to the book of Matthew. You try to see what chapter he was reading from but he guides you to his bed.
"Matthew, chapter five... verse twenty-eight," he says softly as his fingers begin to slowly unbutton your dress, "'But I say to you that everyone whose eyes are turned on a woman with desire has had connection with her in his heart'... I've battled with this far longer than I'd ever be proud to admit."
You smile up at him, "You're battling a sex demon?"
He laughs and covers his face with his hands, "Everyone has something that they struggle with! I mean, we're humans!" he laughs. He drops his arms down and smirks at you.
"That is true," You sigh.
Doyoung eases his shirt over his head and tosses it beside you on the bed.
It's your turn to freeze. As his hands find their way back to your dress, your eyes roam over his toned skin. He chuckles as he pushes the dress off of your shoulders,
"What demon do you fight, Y/n?"
"I have no demons... I'm a perfect vessel," You chuckle breathlessly. Doyoung pulls you to stand up and lets the dress pool at your feet, "I don't believe that for a second."
You step out of the dress and he picks it up. You watch him fold it gingerly before bringing it over to his honey colored easy chair and placing it down. He turns back to you. He's ambivalent and it's written all over his face.
"We can... put our clothes back on, Doyoung. We don't have to do this. We can just get dressed and act like this never happened," You tell him reassuringly.
He comes back over to you and pulls you into his arms, "You know neither of us wanna do that."
You nod in agreement and he kisses you. It's different. It's rough.
He eases you down onto the bed and as you scoot up to the middle, he hovers over you, "Tell me something... something wicked. Tell me something that will make me feel better about the things I'm going to do you."
Your body is somehow even hotter. He kisses your lips then licks a warm stripe across your neck before sucking on the tender flesh.
"I think about you all the time... I imagine you... bending me over in the church basement and fucking me until I can't stand," You whimper.
Doyoung groans and presses his hardness against you, "That's your fantasy? Being fucked in a church basement? Such a dirty girl... what else do you think about?" Doyoung kisses his way down to your chest before pulling you up. He reaches around behind you and unclasps your bra.
"I think about you overpowering me and- using me until you're satisfied... I just wanna be ravished by you," You whine as you both grind against each other.
He's invading all of your senses and neither of you has completely undressed yet.
"How are you even real?" he groans as he fumbles with his pants. He clumsily gets them off and kicks them off of the bed. Your bra is next to go then his briefs and then finally, your panties.
Doyoung kisses you with fervency. He pulls back and pins your arms over your head, "You wanna be ravished, huh?" he chuckles and dips down to take your bottom lip between his teeth.
"Uh huh," You sigh.
Doyoung slides down and nestles himself between your thighs. He peppers your skin with soft kisses. His mouth latches onto your clit and he sucks it softly. You cry out and buck your hips against his mouth.
He laps at you and teases you with his tongue.
"Doyoung... yes. Please... please," You gasp.
He continues his attack on you and you reach down to card your fingers through his hair and grind your hips desperately.
"Not enough, is it?" he asks as he raises his head to look at you.
"I... no... that's not it... I just want you. Come back up here... please," You whimper.
Doyoung laughs, "Do you miss me or something?"
"I do," You reply.
Doyoung comes up and presses a sloppy kiss to your lips.
You reach between your bodies and stroke him. He squeezes his eyes shut and grips the sheets.
"Want you in my mouth," You whimper and Doyoung flips you both over. He looks up you before propping himself up on his elbows,
"Have at it."
You nestle between his legs and grip his cock with both hands, "You're bigger than I expected," You say then lick from the base up to the tip.
Doyoung's tongue darts out to wet his lips, "Fuck," he sighs.
"Am I teasing you?" You ask him innocently.
"Come on... do something, baby," he sighs.
You smirk and drag your tongue back and forth over his leaking tip; collecting precum as you do, "Make me do something," You say softly.
Doyoung takes a fistful of your hair, "Don't be such a tease," he says and gently forces your head down. You moan and take him all the way into your mouth.
He slowly bucks his hips as the head of his cock repeatedly taps the back of your throat, "That's a good girl," he moans, "So fucking good."
You let him use your throat as you feel your own wetness slicking up your inner thighs.
Doyoung pulls you back up and kisses you, "Not like this... I need to be inside you," he says as he gets you back underneath him.
He teases your slit with the head of his cock and you whine desperately, "Ask me for it nicely."
"Please... give it to me," You whimper.
"You need me to fuck you?" he asks you roughly; his voice is coarse and heavy with desire.
You nod and that's all it takes for him to guide himself into you.
"Fuck!" You both cry in unison. You look at each other and laugh.
Doyoung dips down to press his forehead to yours, "You're so much better than I could ever have imagined... so fucking tight for me. We were made for each other. Don't you agree?" He says and his hips collide with yours over and over and over again.
"Y- yeah... I... I love this. Please don't stop, Doie... please," You plead. You wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist, "I want you to fuck me forever."
"Forever?" he sighs and slows his pace, "You could take this forever, baby?"
You kiss him, "Uh huh," You pant.
Doyoung groans, "I'm... fuck, baby... I'm close."
You reach down to bring yourself closer to your own release.
He pushes your hand away and replaces it with his own, "No... that's what I'm here for... let me," he says as his fingers draw fervent circles into your clit.
"Doie! Yes, yes, yes! Fuck..." You moan as you both release together.
"That's it, baby. You sound so pretty when you cum for me. That's my girl," he praises you as his own orgasm rattles his body.
You cling to Doyoung and he collapses on top of you. You both tremble as you regain clarity. Once his breathing is under control, he rears up to press a chaste kiss to your temple then rolls off of you.
You turn to face each other and the air is still thick; he smiles, "I want you to know something..." he says as his eyes roam your face, "I don't want you because I just need a release... I want you because you're the only woman I've ever thought about doing this with... You're the only woman that's ever made me forget that God even matters."
You blush and bring your hand over to stroke his cheek, "I don't even think I could say anything to top how special that is but I can try," You say with a chuckle.
Doyoung smiles.
"I... I've kissed boys... maybe too many but... I waited for you. I didn't want anyone else," You tell him.
His face beams, "We waited for each other and didn't even realize it," he laughs.
~
Come Sunday morning, Siwon is privy to the way you and Doyoung engage each other.
"Sister, can I have a word with you?" he pipes up. Jaemin's eyes perk up and he's obviously ready to go to battle. You shake your head and smile at him before turning your attention to Siwon.
"Yes, Pastor?" You say.
"You've been very close with my brother. What exactly are your intentions?" he asks you suspiciously.
Doyoung is at your side before you even have time to react, "Her intentions are well, hyung. Better than yours were," he says coolly.
Siwon scoffs, "What?"
"Taeyeon hasn't been here in... three months now? She's not that sick. She left you and everyone knows she did," Doyoung says.
"Literally everyone knows," Renjun says in passing.
"I'm just worried about the choices you're making. You seem different," Siwon presses.
Doyoung shrugs, "My choices are fine. If I ever go astray, I'll do the work to get back on track. I think you should worry about your own affairs."
Siwon nods, "Well, if that's how you want it then that's how it'll be."
He excuses himself and Doyoung turns to you, "You're not his sin to overcome," he laughs.
That afternoon, while the sun hangs low in the sky, Doyoung tends to his garden, and you watch him as you remain on standby, ready to help him with his needs.
"Being married is gonna be a lot of fun... I like having you here to help me with the gardening," he sighs with a soft smile.
"Daddy's little helper," You mumble.
He straightens up and his eyebrows go up, "I- I- whoooo, what? What? Y/n, behave!" he gushes as he gently nudges you with his arm.
"You've never had that thought?" You ask him teasingly.
He nods, "I have but I'm busy right now and you have to behave yourself because this was supposed to be done three days ago and I don't want my garden to die so... sit there, be quiet, and don't touch me until I'm done."
"Okay, Daddy," You say sweetly.
Doyoung stands up and pulls off his gloves off, "On your feet. Come on," he says as he places his gloves in his supply box.
You stand up and follow him into the kitchen. He washes his hands and turns to you.
He's trying so hard to be firm with you but a smile shines through on his face, "You gotta... don't smile at me- you-" he laughs and pulls you into his arms, "You gotta behave yourself. You're failing the wife trial. Get it together!"
You hug him and press a kiss to his cheek, "I'll try harder tomorrow," You chuckle.
Before you know it, Doyoung is turning you around and pressing you down against the counter, "Why can't you behave yourself right now?" he asks you softly, his fingers pushing your shorts and panties down.
"Don't wanna," You sigh as his hand caresses your bare ass.
He lands a mild slap down and you gasp.
He laughs low and thick, "You like that?" he asks.
"Y- yes!" You whimper and wiggle your ass in an attempt to touch some part of his body.
"Well, you're not really supposed but... I guess that's okay for right now... I'll just have to find some other way to punish you," he says and slaps your ass again, this time a little bit harder. You moan and he slaps you once more.
"Daddy!" You whine.
Doyoung slides his hand down to your cunt and kicks your legs apart, "You're always so wet for me... no matter what's going on, I know that if I just... slide my hand between those beautiful thighs, I'm gonna get my fingers soaked."
"I always want you, Daddy... always," You sigh as he slides his middle and ring fingers into your pussy. He fucks you with his fingers and leans down to lick the shell of your ear, "Such a greedy little whore." he says softly.
You clench around his fingers and writhe. Moans pour from your mouth as he shows no signs of slowing up.
"Oh? You like that?"
"Yes, Daddy!"
"You like it when daddy talks to you like this? Huh, slut?"
You nod furiously and clench around his fingers once more.
He tuts, "Can't hear you."
"Yes, Daddy! Yes!" You scream.
"That's my girl."
Doyoung eases his fingers out of you and pulls you up by your hair, "Taste yourself, baby," he says as he pushes his fingers into your mouth.
You hum as you suck them. Doyoung drops down to his knees and helps you out of your shorts, "Hold onto the counter,"
You do as you're told and he lifts your left leg onto his shoulder before devouring your pussy. You throw your head back and cry out as he brings you close to your release.
His tongue speeds up and slows down. He gets better each time and you mentally note his progress. Your legs give out as you cum against his tongue.
"Daddy!"
He pulls back and lets you sink down onto the floor in front of him.
He kisses you, "Was that good, princess?" he asks you.
You nod, too enthralled by the throbbing of your pussy to speak. He chuckles and his hand returns to your cunt, "Then you shouldn't mind one more, right?"
Doyoung brings his other hand up to circle around your throat, "One more time, baby... I know you can do it," he purrs as he tightens his grip just enough to make your eyes roll back. He chuckles at the effect he has on you.
You grip his biceps as he massages your clit and you try in vain to squeeze your thighs shut but he doesn't slow up and you're coming undone again.
Your thighs tremble violently and he just doesn't stop.
"You have the power to stop me, Y/n... you know I'd never do anything you don't want me to do so... go ahead... stop me," he whispers against your mouth.
You don't stop him. You can't. He feels too good and he brings a level of greed to your body.
Tears prick your eyes and a third orgasm rips through your body. You whine weakly and finally, his hand ceases.
"How's my girl?" he asks softly as he moves his hand from your throat to your cheek.
You can't speak. You collapse against him and he rubs your back, "Do you need anything?"
You shake your head and cling to him a little tighter. Your body slowly relaxes and he rocks you slowly.
When you finally come down, you give him a chaste kiss and he smiles.
Doyoung pulls back to look you over, "I stopped repenting y'know... for what we do," he says softly.
"Why?" You ask him. Your voice is still hoarse and he can't help but laugh.
"How can I when I'm not sorry?"
_____
yo if you got to the end of this, thank you!!
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tarjapearce · 7 months
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Mama pegging Miguel? I mean I would see something like that happening after all their years of marriage and Miguel being against it at first but then agreeing and mama having the best time of her life. I’m sorry my brain is not okay. And I’m sorry if this would make you uncomfortable in any way.
Let's be honest here. As much as we love seeing Miguel as the Dom, we've all fantasized in having him a mess underneath us. So yeah. Just gonna Indulge myself here ~
⚠️WARNINGS: FILTHINESS. Sub! Miguel, sloppy blowjob, rimjob, hole play, Mama is a one kinky mf, Gentle femdom, use of toys, fruity lube, fluff. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ⚠️
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You weren't one for watching porn, but seeing the reviews on the video, either straight or gay mostly of the commenters agreed on something. Toying with your partner's erogenous zones and exploiting them felt good.
Some comment were explicit and specific as to what they enjoyed the most. Even though porn was the worst way and place you could learn stuff from, the comments didn't lie. Or so you were assuming.
And things turned weirder and weirder the upcoming days. Bdsm toys, and tips started to show up on your media feed. You had your little kit stored away into the drawer under key. A kit that was often pulled out when Miguel felt particularly stressed and borderline pissed. You were each other's relief.
Not only the lingerie appealed the visuals, but enhanced it. The sole idea of having Miguel tied up and needy for you made your skin crawl in a thrilling sensation that left no room for wonders and doubts.
You had imagined in multiple times how would it be to swap the dominant role for once with Miguel. As you clicked on the toy's add, a new expansion to the world you had been exploring on the surface with him, opened just for you.
------
"Can we talk?"
"Miguel?" You sat next to him in his office as your paperwork was verified by him.
"Is something wrong?"
He mumbled as he kept working on his laptop.
His fingers stopped typing, his eyes turned to seize you with a surprise yet underlying alarm underneath them.
"I wanna peg you."
"What? Why?"
"Im curious and... If I'm honest, I wanna see you a mess"
You whispered on his ear and he chuckled, his cheeks turned into a faint shade of red.
"Ah, C'mon! I'm sure we can have some fun."
"Sigue queriendo, cariño" (Keep wishing, honey)
"Dont think so."
He just shook his head with a small smile.
"Ill wear something nice for you."
"Nope."
He took you by the chin and kissed your lips.
"Pleaseee?"
"No."
His eyes kept drifting towards you and the contraption you had just pulled out from a package. How did he ended up agreeing?
-------
Oh yeah.
A blowjob with something else he had never experienced before, and if he was honest, wished to have experienced sooner.
Sex with you was not only mind blowing, but kinky. You were kinky and shameless and seeing you assuming his role, was such an interesting switch of your dynamics. For science purposes, you said and it was more than enough to convince him.
Pillows perched behind his back to offer him a good support as his legs spreaded open for you.
Seeing you, clad in PU leather stirred his curiosity and hunger.
"Thought you'd use the handcuffs"
"We haven't even started and you're already getting kinky"
He pouted but it quickly faded as you kneeled in between his legs, hands caressing the outer of his thighs.
A gloved hand of yours took him by the base and stroked upwards in slow motions.
"You're always making me feel good."
You kissed his cheek and then his lips, as your hand kept stroking him. Lips crashed hungrily, chasing eachother desperately. Your tongue invaded his mouth, twirled around his, luring it out for you to suck it. Earning a satisfied groan from the both.
"Relax, ok? Lemme make you feel good"
With a sigh, and another breathless kiss Miguel granted you control.
You kneeled once more and resumed your stroking, blood rushing to his tip, twitching his cock alive and rock hard.
"Have I told you I love your taste?"
Beaming smile slowly melded around him. Flat tongue running on his base as your palm fisted his tip. Hot lips searing his skin with little kissed that transformed in gentle sucks. Your head supported against one of his thighs you had secured next to your head.
He groaned when you used your tongue around his frenulum, His hands clenched for a moment on the sheets as you focused on it for a moment to then take him bit by bit.
The sound of you gagging him made his head spin with sensations his body always experienced as new. A soft deep throat followed by your hand cupping the base and stroking as you paid special attention to his tip.
The little gargling and wet sounds you gave, made his body receptive and sensitive.
Red eyes fixed on your movements, and God, it was quite the sight, but you stopped, licking using your spit to stroke him faster as your other hand ventured to his sac and further.
His pants and soft raged breathings, made you bit your bottom lip.
"Tell me what you want, cariño"
His body tensed for a second as you toyed with the outer folds of his hole.
"F-Faster"
"Oh no no, I can't have you coming too soon. Need you nice and hard when I take this" Your finger moved in circular motions on the tight muscle ring.
He exhaled as the sheets crumpled underneath his iron grip
"Does it feels good, Papa?"
He nodded with shaky breaths as you engulfed him once more, but you stopped
"Uh-uh. Use your words"
You smirked to then put some flavored lube between his supple butt cheeks. You licked your lips at how receptive and sensitive his body was under your calculated and gentle handling.
Why hadn't you ventured sooner in this? Embarrassment perhaps? His groaning at your sinking finger inside him snapped your wandering attention back to him.
"You're so tight, mi amor"
You purred
"Let me-" He choked as your tongue swirled mercilessly around his tip, your cheeks hollowed hard as your cheeks clamped around him, "Dios mío, No te detengas-"
(My God, don't stop)
Another choke as another finger eased ever gently inside. You wriggled them softly, making a soft 'come' motion inside, allowing him to get used to the feeling.
Your lips glossed over both his precum and your own saliva, but that didn't stop you. He was about to push you deeper but a glare was enough to keep his hands on the sheets.
His jaw clenched, lips contorting in soft ohs and ahs as you kept blowing him and your fingers moved into him a faster but still gentle speed.
"So so close, mi amor"
He grunted while throwing his head back, sinking for a moment in the pillow. His chest heaving, the riple of his muscles tensed and shook at his desperate breaths. You stopped the sucking and he whimpered, annoyed.
"No, no mi amor. Go... Goback please, I'm so s'close." His slurred words made you giggle
"Want me to suck you dry, Papa?"
A hiss came from his lips as you found that little nub of muscle and prodded kindly at it. His mouth gaped.
"Yes" The neediness in his voice made your senses tingle. You were sure at this point you were soaked, but it wasn't about you right now. You wanted him to come undone before you while teaching him new ways to please each other beyond penetration.
And so far his body reacted so well to it, it made you smile as pride filled your chest.
"Touch yourself, Miguel. Lemme see gentle strokes"
One of his hands immediately took a hold of his aching cock
"Lento, mi amor" (Slowly)
A frustrated sigh rolled off his lips as your mouth focused on his sac. You pulled your fingers out, carefully before spreading his legs wider. As he jerked in slow motions, your tongue swiped around his hole, earning a shuddering sob from him.
His sac fell on the bridge of your nose as you helped him to stroke himself. You were eating him, and smirked as his moans turned urgent. You released one of his testicles with a gentle suck and smirked
"Hands off."
"Verga..." He rubbed his warm and flushed face in frustration. It was the second time you edged him, "I'm not appreciating you playing with me like this" (Shit)
"Relax, I want you to enjoy"
"I was until you stopped"
His voice a breathless and annoyed mumble
You stood from the bed to reach for the toy you had bought the moment he agreed. A buzzing double strap on. The outer end was just the right size to reach his sweet spot without hurting him, a first timer dildo. The inner one aligned perfectly into your spot.
Harness snuggly secured around your hips, a couple of lube squirts were poured on to the toy. Hand stroked and smeared the fruity smelling lube all over it.
You leaned to kiss him. His hands held you in place. A mix of himself and the sweet lube reminiscing on your mouth.
"I'll be gentle, ok?" He nodded in between kisses.
A new wave of thrill bolted through your body as you added some pillows underneath him for leverage. The strap perfectly aligned with his glistening hole.
"Give me slow strokes, Papa"
With a sigh, he cupped his hefty cock once more, the sensation of your gloved fingers made his body to shudder once more. His eyes widened softly as you rubbed the tip of the toy against his hole. Fingers left him to be replaced by the slick toy.
"Breathe" You cooed as you pushed in a couple of inches, allowing his muscles to assimilate the gentle intrusion.
"Does it hurts?"
He inhaled sharply and shook his head.
"Are you sure?"
Your hips stilled for a moment as your hands kneaded his inner thighs. His hand stroked himself slowly, but tightened the grip at his base.
"Yeah"
Smiling, your hips resumed their movements. Slow, deliberate circles that made the toy move carefully inside his tightness. You added another inch deeper when you noticed his breathings turned a bit more laborious.
"You're such a good boy, Papa"
The friction and the constant waves of pleasure the buzzy contraption oozed into your bodies made his strokes tighter, and your legs to quiver for a second.
His pants turned louder, turning into groans as you added another inch. His eyes closed shut at your careful and loving thrusts, Hips rocking in pliable, mild movements. His skin shook ever softly at your pushing.
His fangs bit his bottom lip when his strokes turned a bit faster, Your hands held him by his waist and you groaned.
Even though the toy inside you could never compare to his flushed and mouthwatering cock, it offered enough stimulation to make you whimper.
Mewlings and needy sounds coming from you and Miguel made it all ten times better when he bucked his hips and his eyes clamped shut when you prodded at his sweet spot. The sound his mouth did had you hissing and biting your own lip at the sight of him.
Front bangs falling into his flushed face, eyes rolling at the back of his head as sweat collected on his chest by the constant jerking. Mouth agape, panting and mumbling shy praises at your movements.
"Just like this, mi amor?"
A breathless yes.
Even though your walls quivered and milked the toy by the vibrations, your focus still remained on him and his own pleasure that only heightened by the strong vibrations on his toy's end.
"G-Gonna cum"
His words urged you to prod at the little nub of nerves that had him groaning your name.
One of his hands went above him, holding onto the headboard as his other pumped himself in a way that sent him sputtering inchorent lewd spanglish mumbles.
He choked. as you helped him cum by stroking your hand above his. Sweaty foreheads colliding, gaze locked on eachother.
"Come for me, Papa"
Your hand kept pumping and he moaned into your mouth as thick, hot blobs of fresh cum spurted from him, and rolled down your wrist, a few streaks nested on his happy trail and lower abdomen
You kissed him as you pulled out as gently as you entered
"Fuck" He mumbled against your lips. Hot breath fanning against yours, muscles spasming and shuddering as he rode his high. You could only smile with an endearing look at his blissful face
You kissed him once more. A few I love you's scurrying off his mouth.
"Love you too, mi amor"
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