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#he just felt like a different character. the way he talks and acts and relates to other characters is very different to movie anakin.

heliza24 · 1 day

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In which I try to figure out Armand:

My brain has been ticking away thinking about Armand ever since episode 2.1. I have been fascinated and irritated by Armand in the off-season, so to speak, because I love Daniel and relate to him so much, and I know Armand is going to be very important to him. But we were given so little of Armand last season it has just felt impossible to get a grip on what his deal is. I am admittedly not a book reader, but I also feel like these feelings are still justified because the show version of Armand is so different than the book, in circumstance at least. So he’s the character I’m most interested in this season.

We still didn’t get a lot of him in ep 1, but I’ve been thinking about him and synthesizing some of the stuff that people have been saying about him in interviews, especially about his relationship to control. I’m specifically thinking about Hannah describing him as “Louis’s creature” and saying that he’ll do whatever Louis wants, and that this is part of their sexual dynamic as well. I think this makes sense with what we’ve seen in the trailers; it seems like Louis is the more sexually dominant one between them. So Armand is happy to be more of a sub in the bedroom and in their original flirtations. Maybe in their earlier dynamic as a couple too, we’ll have to see. Meanwhile, he’s in the background, arranging scenery, pulling strings, trying to do everything he can to hold onto Louis and keep him at least passingly happy. This, by the way, perfectly meshes with his role as director at the theatre. Never in the limelight, but always in control. (The stage management school of sexuality, if you will.). I think that emphasis on control probably becomes more pronounced as the years go on, and Louis is sitting in his grief for Claudia and more of their initial spark dies. But it also perfectly explains the Rashid act. Armand is comfortable playing a servant role. He’s comfortable observing from just off stage. He’s comfortable doing those things if it means ultimately having a better grasp on the way the scene unfolds.

For his part I think Louis is probably drawn to the way Armand seamlessly irons out the bumps in his life. The penthouse is a cage, but Louis is his own jailer; Armand isn’t the one keeping him there. There’s probably an interesting comparison to be made against Lestat here. Lestat revels in melodrama and high emotions, while Armand is intent on maintaining a facade of calm stability. It makes sense to me that Louis would have leaned into this facade, even if he knew it was partially a falsehood, after losing Claudia. I think this is true even around Claudia’s death. It was easier for Louis to forget and forgive whatever part Armand played in it, and allow Real Rashid to hide those diary pages away, than to really reckon with Claudia’s death.

I think Louis requested the interview as part of his general goal to narrativize and soften his own memories and grief, and Armand acquiesced in order to keep Louis. The original goal of the interview was for Louis to convince himself he really had killed Lestat, literally and maybe emotionally too. I think it’s possible that Lestat is back in the picture somehow and the interview is Louis’s last ditch effort to convince himself not to return to his maker. But then of course the whole thing goes off the rails and Louis ends up facing down his true memories for the first time in years. It makes sense that when put in an uncomfortable situation- watching Louis talk about Lestat- Armand would default to his old role of manipulating things from the wings of the metaphorical penthouse stage. Him stepping into the interview is a big departure from that, and shows how effectively Daniel has rattled him.

So how this plays against Daniel is interesting. Armand is putting on a big show about how he and Louis were able to manipulate Daniel in San Francisco. But I wonder how true that ever really was. I imagine even in San Francisco, Daniel represented a completely opposite dynamic to Armand’s relationship with Louis, which would have hooked Armand’s attention. If Louis appeared in control on the surface, but relied on Armand’s ability to arrange the periphery of his life, Daniel would have appeared to be easily (and perhaps happily) dominated, but resistant to Armand’s larger attempts to control his life. Obviously I don’t know exactly how they’ll play out a 1970s devil’s minion scenario. But I imagine that Daniel’s addiction, and Armand’s misguided attempts to protect him from it, will play a role in whatever kind of break up and memory erasure ensues. Whether it was the addiction or his personality or something else, there was some element of Daniel that was too wild for Armand to tame. He threw him back into the pond, all memories of being snared on the fishing line erased. And it’s entirely possible that Armand feels this loss of control very deeply. As heartbreak and loss, but also as a scary moment when his grip on the love that he needs in his life faltered. It’s possible that the break up with Daniel made him even more determined to control outcomes with Louis. And it’s also possible that the pain that he felt when he originally lost Daniel is causing him to revise and edit his own memories of his relationship with Daniel. If Daniel broke Armand’s heart, it would be a lot easier to remember him as a silly boy Armand manipulated in tandem with Louis than someone Armand actually found fascinating. Admitting otherwise means admitting his own weakness. So memory becomes the monster, again, even if you are the one controlling the vampire amnesia.

For what it’s worth, I currently think that Louis doesn’t know about Armand’s past with Daniel. I don’t think Louis would be as vulnerable with Daniel if he knew. And that would point to Armand once again subtly manipulating and managing Louis, completely hiding his connection to this mortal from him.

Regardless, I don’t doubt that Daniel was less fearsome in San Francisco than he is now in Dubai. (The show’s insistence that an elderly disabled man is just as powerful in his own way as an immortal vampire is perfection, and it makes me want to kiss all the writers on the mouth). He’s even less controllable by Armand than he once was (if he ever was), and he’s intent on finding out Armand’s truth, and the truth of their connection. I was really struck by Assad saying in an interview that the thing that Armand wants most is acceptance. He craves love and acceptance, but is terrified to show his real self and be vulnerable. Thats why he’s continuing to play stage manager to Louis’s love. But Daniel is coming for his true self in Dubai whether Armand wants it or not. And I imagine that is both extremely confronting but also ultimately attractive to Armand.

I deeply hope we get to see Daniel crack Armand’s sense of control. I hope we get to see Armand being vulnerable to Daniel and Daniel being receptive to that. I also hope we get to see Daniel facing down Armand as the source of his trauma (because being stalked, bitten, and then having your memories forcibly repressed is trauma, even if Daniel was attracted to Armand through it). I hope we get to see the way that trauma and fear and desire and love intermingle. And I also hope that when Daniel breaks Armand’s sense of control and sees his true self, he still likes what he sees. Because I would like Armand to get that acceptance from someone, even when his worst tendencies are laid bare.

(Oh, and while I’m making predictions- I’m not worried about 70s Devils Minion not happening, or them interacting in the 70s but it not turning into some form of romance. There is simply no better way to add stakes to the Dubai iterations of the characters than to give them this hidden history, and Rolin has talked extensively about needing to bring Daniel into the story in a personal way and crank up the conflict happening in Dubai. The penthouse is no longer just a framing device, but a site of active conflict and growth, and the only way you do that is exploring past and future DM dynamics. In ep 1 it’s still mainly acting as a frame, but I’m really excited to see its importance grow over the season).

Armand is such an intriguing mystery, but if I’m right about some of this stuff I actually relate quite strongly to him too. (I am reminded of a Brennan Lee Mulligan quote, where he describes characters you love/play as being garages attached to your actual personality of a house, and sometimes some piece of writing or improv shoots a sniper rifle perfectly through the garage door into the house and hits you in the heart)

@bluedalahorse warned me that this is how you really get stuck on a ship, when you see pieces of yourself in both characters, and I do fear that she is right.

So we’re really in it now, is what I’m saying. Send me your Armand thoughts, I want all of them. I will be counting down the days until episode 5 and obsessing until it airs. I’ll check back in on this meta later, I guess, to see how correct or incorrect I was.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #my meta #devils minion #armand #armandaniel #daniel molloy

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ahundredtimesover · 4 months

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I Want You to Stay (04) | JJK

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut

Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)

Chapter Word count: 11.4k

Series Masterlist

Status: Ongoing

Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.

Playlist 🎶: on the way home

A/N: Hiii I'm getting slower with editing and writing so please bear with me moving forward! Also pls remember, this is a slow burn haha. But anyway, been loving your replies (I see you) and messages, thank you. I hope you enjoy this one!

And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight 🥰

PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!

The events of last weekend remain in your mind, as you approach Jungkook’s apartment the next Monday and feel like your heart will leap out of your chest.

You remind yourself that he wasn’t angry at you; he’d even tried to apologize and didn’t make a fuss when you left the restaurant last Saturday. But still, the whole incident would make anyone feel agitated, and you know his capacity to feel and express that. He was inconvenienced and put on the spot, after all.

You enter, and shortly after, Jungkook exits the gym then greets you with a nod when he sees you. He looks more tired than anything. He doesn’t have a hint of frustration in his eyes, and you could only hope that he’d forgotten about what happened or, like how he is when it comes to personal matters, he’d chosen not to acknowledge it.

You bow in return, sneaking a glance as he walks towards his bedroom, with your throat drying up when he removes his shirt, briefly gracing you with a view of his glistening toned back right before disappearing inside. You wait half a minute before you follow him to prepare his clothes, giving yourself time to breathe before you have to face him again. You return to the kitchen and prepare his breakfast, looking up when you hear him walk in.

You approach him to do an act that’s become a routine for you, and for him as well, as he stands straight and unmoving while you tighten his tie and make sure he looks fine. Even when your fingers only graze his clothed chest, the memory from last Saturday becomes vivid, as you recall wiping his wine-soaked top, feeling the taut body underneath.

You shake your head at the thought, realizing that there are more things about that night that you should not acknowledge at all, including the heat you felt at seeing him in the washroom, a little exposed and definitely sweaty. There was that tension and the dropping of formalities that felt too foreign and quite disorienting. You don’t know him as anything other than the ‘Mr. Jeon’ you assist; seeing him as just ‘Jungkook’ was different. But you suppose that that’s the man you help everyday, and you wonder how much of himself he leaves behind in the office and how much of him now is just… him.

As you go about your routine during breakfast, you’re reminded that for Jungkook, there doesn’t seem to be a difference. How he is at work is the same as how he is elsewhere - serious, quiet, and detached. Except maybe when he’s with those women he meets at clubs, though. Perhaps the thrill and pleasure inject a bit of emotion and passion in him. You wouldn’t know, but at least it’s a way for him to take a break from the responsibilities he carries.

You scold yourself internally again. You’re not supposed to be curious; you’re not supposed to care. So you shake all of them away and remind yourself of who you are and your own distance that you should observe.

You get to your senses and proceed accordingly. You go about as usual in the morning with his meetings, and then he shuts his office so he could focus in the afternoon. You see his furrowed brows from the window, as he works on what seems to be the Arts Center again, given his requests for financial and marketing reports of the company's non-residential projects from the last five years.

You’re busy with organizing his Singapore trip and coordinating with the CEO’s office about the upcoming Appointment Dinner to formally introduce the new appointees, when he exits his room and looks through the folders lined on the shelf behind you.

“Where are the portfolios of our collaboration projects from 2017?” He asks.

“They’re in the archive room,” you answer, standing up to head there.

But he does it first, beating you to the corner area just off the hallway to the left. Your steps are obviously not at pace with his, and he’s tiptoeing to reach for a large folder by the time you get there. He’s able to retrieve it, laying it on the ledge as he goes through some pages.

“I could’ve gotten that,” you say softly, and Jungkook turns to you and wishes he hadn’t, as your pout makes his insides melt.

There’s something about your disappointment that you didn’t get to help him that makes his heart race a little, and while he knows it has everything to do with you thinking that he’d think you’re not doing your job properly, he still likes to keep the thought that you’d wanted to help him in the first place.

“It was heavy,” he explains.

“I’ve carried and pulled and pushed things way heavier than that folder,” you scoff.

“Really?” Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, trying not to show amusement on his face. “My cousin let you do all those things, huh?”

You frown at his attempt to catch you slipping. “I do many things in the background during events, Mr. Jeon, things that get everything functioning properly while Mr. Jung engages with the guests.”

Jungkook can only imagine how much work you put into getting those events hosted by the VP’s office running. Perhaps retrieving heavy folders is no big deal for you. But still, he doesn’t want to come across as a jerk for making you do something he can do on his own. He already was, he reminds himself, and you also definitely think he is; he doesn’t want to add to that any more, not after everything that’s happened.

So he just nods. “It’s a simple task I can do.”

Jungkook looks at the labeled boxes and folders. He’s got materials and design points to finalize by tonight. There are some more past projects he wants to go through to take inspiration from, and he finds another one he wants to look at, underestimating its weight, which is why he jerks in surprise when he feels how heavy it really is.

You’re there on cue, as if you knew it was gonna be too much. And if he’d asked you, you probably would’ve told him so.

You’re standing much closer to him, your fingers grazing against his as you hold onto the folder. It’s almost familiar, only because you stood this close to him that night at the restaurant, too - when you cleaned him up, and then when you handed him his clothes in the washroom. You actually stand this close to him everyday when you fix his tie. Perhaps after all that, it’s only dawning on you just how little space between you two there are sometimes, and you’re suddenly hyper aware - of the distance, of his scent, of the way he’s looking back at you when you turn to look at him.

“It was heavy,” he admits.

And for some reason, you laugh. Maybe it’s the slightly embarrassed look on his face or it’s just your defense mechanism when you feel tense but you let out an amused sound, with it fading as the time goes by and you realize you’re actually laughing at your boss.

“Making fun of me, Ms. Cho?”

“I… I’m sorry, Mr. Jeon,” you stammer, stepping away.

You’re about to mentally curse yourself until you see his slight smirk, and the thought of him making fun at you by scaring you like that makes you feel better. He may have some sense of humor after all.

Still, you bow in apology, and there’s a moment when you meet his eyes, with something not anger or frustration in them, that you both linger, as if there are things both of you feel that need to be said; you just don’t know what they are.

“Did the dry cleaners get to remove the wine stains?” You manage to get some words out, turning away now as you bring up last Saturday night.

“Uh, yeah,” he responds. There’s a pause before he continues. “Did… did you get home okay?”

You’re too stunned to be able to answer right away but you eventually do. “Uh, yeah. Jimin, Soomin, and I just bought food and then went to my apartment. And you?”

“I did,” he nods.

“Did… did Hajoon bother you again after we left?”

“No. Well, he just kept giving me the death stare but he didn’t do anything else,” he says.

“I really don’t know what got him so worked up,” you sigh, feeling bolder at having to share this much. “He’s not usually confrontational and he knows I hate it. That shouldn’t have happened.”

“People have their reasons for getting angry. They’re not always valid, though, and definitely not always warranted,” Jungkook replies, briefly looking away. “Whatever it is, at least he didn’t throw a punch.”

“Oh, if he did, that is it for me,” you chuckle, feeling unfamiliar with being able to talk to Jungkook so casually like this. “Goodbye, job; goodbye, Seoul. I will probably just work as a librarian somewhere.”

Jungkook wants to say he wouldn’t accept your resignation for that reason, that he doesn’t want you to go anywhere, actually. But that’s too much and probably inappropriate to say given the circumstances. So he just hums and turns back to the folder and looks through them.

“I’ll need these back in my room,” he says, carrying one while you take the other.

You appreciate the topic change, knowing you won’t know how to handle more if the conversation deepens. You both walk back quietly, as it dawns on you that the casual nature you both talked to each other is a little disorienting.

You’re not used to him sounding concerned.

He’s not used to you being honest and open.

Perhaps seeing a different side of him isn’t all that bad, you think.

Jungkook wants to believe it’s your way of forgiving him, too, even if he hasn’t actually apologized for anything.

The minute it takes to return to your respective desks ends, and Jungkook is back to focusing on his designs while you get back to making reservations. You peek inside his room every once in a while to check if he’s okay, if there’s anything else he needs, if there’s anything you can do for him.

The frustrated look on his face isn’t new, but the fact that it isn’t directed at you, is. So is the worried feeling you have for him. You’re a mix of emotions from everything that’s happened this past month, so you can’t deny that the way he’s been acting towards you has left you confused, maybe even doubtful. You have to be cautious, you think, and not fall into a comfortable dynamic with him so easily.

The next day, he’s back to being serious once again, as you sit to his right in the restaurant that will be catering the upcoming VP event. Jungkook decided for both of you to have the food tasting for lunch, and so a spread has been prepared for him to make the final decision on the menu.

You’d like to think that you’ve developed quite a sophisticated palate, all thanks to the numerous events that Hoseok asked you to organize in your three years working under him. With this upcoming dinner party a sort of introduction of Jungkook and the project to the art world, he wants to make sure that he serves only the best to the guests, which is why he carefully tastes each dish, trying to determine the best combination that’s both delicious and creative.

You give your comments, some of which he acknowledges, and you feel like you’re both making headway in terms of the menu, as well as with his disposition for the day, given that he’s looking more comfortable and relaxed than he was half an hour ago.

That is, until he sips his wine for the first time, and clears his throat.

“I believe I specifically said that lunch today is a work matter, Ms. Cho,” he says sternly. “You’re on the clock and this isn’t a break.”

“Y—yes, Mr. Jeon,” you answer, curious as to the reason for his statement.

“Then why is your boyfriend waiting outside the restaurant, trying to catch your attention?”

“What?” You exclaim, turning around and spotting Hajoon standing by the lamppost, his sullen eyes getting a bit of light in them once they meet yours. “I… I don’t know,” you respond. “I haven’t spoken to him since Saturday.”

“How did he know you’re here, then?”

“His restaurant is just up the street,” you sigh. “He must’ve seen me when he was walking there. This area is his usual route. Please just ignore him.”

“I can’t when he’s in my peripheral vision. He’s still the man who got in my face the other night. He clearly wants to speak to you and I don’t think he’ll go away,” Jungkook reasons.

You look at him, waiting for his instructions.

Jungkook doesn’t like that Hajoon is there and he also doesn’t want you to speak with him during work hours, especially if it’s going to affect you for the rest of the day. But the man seems desperate and persistent; he really doesn’t seem like he’ll just let this moment of seeing you pass.

“You have five minutes,” Jungkook says.

You don’t exactly want to go out there; there’s a reason why you haven’t returned Hajoon’s texts or calls these past days. But you can imagine that it’s a worse look for him to be staying around; a distraction during this work matter that you know Jungkook would not appreciate one bit. So you stand up and tell him that you’ll be back shortly.

Jungkook returns to the dish in front of him, noting that the Japanese mushroom risotto is a good addition to the set menu. The event his office is planning includes a sit down dinner and then an offering of canapés and champagne while guests walk around the venue to see the presentation of the Arts Center in large boards and on screens. It will be a good way for him to socialize - something he’s incredibly nervous about because it’s not his strongest suit, nor is it something he enjoys, unlike his cousin. The primary goal, though, is to introduce the project. Jungkook needs important people on board so they can be involved in the launch and the succeeding special activities.

He tries to think about that night and how he wants to design the place. He tries to think of other things, too, like the music and decor, even if he’d said that’s for both of you to plan next week. He’s even thinking of a follow up already, even if his management support team is in charge of that and would be dependent on how this first one is gonna go.

Jungkook tries to think of anything, really, just so he won’t constantly be glancing at you in his periphery, as you talk to the man from the other night and possibly make up. You did leave him at the restaurant last Saturday; you also did clarify that you’re not together. You just said you haven’t spoken since then, so it’s safe to say that both of you aren’t in good terms.

Jungkook can only assume, though. He doesn’t know the story, nor would he ever; he reminds himself he shouldn’t be thinking about it in the first place. He was never one to be privy to his staff’s personal lives; he spent most of his time with Lucas but didn’t know more than his family's composition. Jungkook doesn’t even recall knowing if Lucas had a partner, or if his then-assistant even mentioned it.

But clearly, Hoseok knows more about you than Jungkook would’ve expected. Perhaps it’s just how his cousin is, or maybe the time spent together just created that environment where it’s natural or normal. Maybe it’s the culture that his father encouraged; his old man is quite close with Mr. Ri - his former chauffeur and bodyguard - and Mrs. Myung - his executive assistant, after all.

But it’s not what Jungkook is used to; it’s not how he spent his few years in the Singapore office because like always, all he did was work and party. His mentor in graduate school also advised him that professional lines are ones he shouldn’t cross. Though Jungkook never really knew what exactly those were, he just dared not get close to anyone or be remotely interested at all, and that never caused him any problem. He’s always been safe where he was, guarded and unbothered.

But ever since you walked through those doors at Hoseok’s office that first Friday, Jungkook has been finding himself skirting near the boundaries far too often, and it’s only been a month. It began with making sure you’re eating well and that you’re safe on the way to work; he convinces himself that’s human decency, although he never really bothered much before.

And between wanting you to get proper rest before your trip to your hometown, to seeing you with that man from last weekend and being so bothered by it that it caused a scene, Jungkook’s internal alarm bells are ringing, telling him that he’s getting too interested, too close. It doesn’t help that he finds you attractive, something he doesn’t have control over. What he does have a say in is how he responds to it, and that has been incredibly tough, especially given the weekend he’s had.

He’d spent the rest of it trying to keep his mind off you - the way you looked in that outfit, the way your touch sent shivers down his spine, the way you’d looked at him worriedly… And when you walked out of that restaurant, he wondered what you were thinking, how you were feeling, how you’d be spending the rest of the night, and if you were gonna be home okay. He hasn’t really stopped since.

Even now, as he stays in his seat and tightly grips his glass of wine at the scene unfolding outside.

You’re standing with your arms crossed - setting the boundaries, and perhaps signaling your detachment, though he can’t see your face. The man, on the other hand, seems emotional, the tinge of sadness evident on his face. But there’s a mix of frustration and anger, too, as his arms flail around. He points at you, then at himself. His voice seems raised; Jungkook swears he can see the veins from the man’s neck popping out while you… you’ve got your head turned to the side, your body not eliciting much of the emotion the way the man’s is.

Jungkook stops himself from making an excuse for you to come back inside, just so he can pull you away from a conversation that you don’t seem to be wanting to have. But he knows it’s not his place, and the man might make a scene again if Jungkook decides to step in. You know how to stand up for yourself; you’d done it to him, he reminds himself. You’ll do what you need to do, whatever it is.

The man heaves, as whatever monologue he was giving ends. He reaches out to you, perhaps making a final plea, but you step back, widening the distance. It’s what prompts him to bow his head and turn around, leaving you by the lamppost on your own.

Jungkook sighs in relief now and he waits for you to return, but he’s surprised when you stay rooted in your spot, your arms wrapping around yourself despite the heat outside. He worries when you enter, your head bowed down and unable to look at him.

He wants to ask how you are, but he’s unsure if he’s ready for your answer, knowing that there isn’t much he can do anyway. So he goes with what he knows - detachment.

“I’ve chosen the last two dishes,” he says. “They’re serving the desserts soon.”

You turn to him immediately, your misty eyes painted with worry meeting his own.

“I didn’t think I was away that long,” you state, worried about the time you left your boss waiting while dealing with a personal matter that for the first time made you wish you were stuck with Jungkook instead. “I’m sorry, Mr. Jeon.”

He didn’t expect you to look so upset. He’s terrible at comforting people, but even if he wasn’t, he doesn’t know if he’d manage to comfort you. So he just shrugs and says that they were straightforward dishes.

You both try the desserts then the canapés, exchanging thoughts about all the options before shortlisting your chosen dishes. By the time the food tasting is over, you’re stuffed and set for the rest of the day.

You try not to look at Jungkook. You don’t know if he’d seen how your conversation went with Hajoon, but if he had, he could probably tell what was going on even if he couldn’t hear anything.

He’s had his moments, but you’ve never seen Hajoon look that upset and emotional, and you stood there, afraid to face all his feelings that you didn’t know what to do with, all those words that you didn’t know how to take. You’re usually one who’s able to let negative things said to you just go over your head, but something about what he’d said today hit you; you know it’ll take you until tomorrow to get over them.

But you try to get through the rest of the day the way you usually do - going through reports, organizing schedules, finalizing tomorrow’s presentation, and then working on the revised interdepartmental guidelines that Jungkook tasked you to do.

There are draft letters you send to him, thinking that you’ll work on some administrative matters while he reviews them, but you’re surprised when he calls for you 10 minutes later, saying the letters are approved and you can send them in the morning. You’re left wondering, given that anything you submit to him usually goes through intense scrutiny. Perhaps you’re not used to this easy pass, but you try not to overthink it, given the day you’ve had.

“You can go home, Ms. Cho,” he says as he types away.

It’s 5:30 PM. Usually this time, he’s still handing you things to review or instructing you on what else to do.

He seems to pick up on your silence, as without looking at you, he clarifies. “I don’t need you to do things you can do tomorrow. We’ll have meetings all day so I understand if you want to stay behind but you don’t have to.”

He doesn’t seem like he’ll be finishing soon, and you’re really not in the best mood so you nod and bid him goodbye.

The conversation with Hajoon stays in your mind all night and lasts until the next day. You’re in Jungkook’s penthouse the next morning, preparing his breakfast while he takes a shower.

With your phone snug under your neck, you relay to Soomin what happened yesterday. She was too busy last night for a call and she’s been bugging you since you got in the car - that you continue to ride as per your boss’ instructions - so you finally picked up, knowing how long it usually takes for Jungkook to finish.

“It started with him apologizing, then wondering why I haven’t been picking up his calls, then justifying his actions from last Saturday as him, standing up for me,” you narrate. “Obviously, I didn’t take those too kindly. But he said he wanted to be with me, like, have an actual relationship. And I said I didn’t want to then he just… he kinda just said everything he’s been keeping in.”

“Which is what?” Soomin asks.

“That I’m selfish, that I don’t think about what my actions may mean to others, which is silly since I was clear from the start about what I wanted from him,” you sigh. “He said that I act independent but that’s just a front, that deep down I’m a lonely woman who’ll probably push away every person who’s shown me they care until I have no one left and that’s why I’ll be alone forever, which he says is a deep fear that I have because I apparently told him that when I was drunk. And even after all that, he said he still cares about me, that he wants to try to be something for real this time, that if I just let him, he’ll love me right and make me happy and I just backed away, like, why would you—”

The clearing of the throat cuts you off, and you nearly drop the expensive plate due to panic once you look up and see Jungkook standing by the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry for taking a personal call, Mr. Jeon,” you say immediately, putting away your phone. “It won’t happen again.”

You bow your head down in apology, which is why you don’t see the way Jungkook’s eyes soften as he looks at you. Words like that hurt, and he can’t imagine what it must’ve felt like for you hearing them. Still, you went about yesterday with your accomplished tasks and completed deliverables like it didn’t happen, displaying a kind of strength that he could only hope to have.

“Yesterday was a tough, I suppose,” he states, choosing to ignore your apology.

“It was a normal one,” you brush off, walking towards him to fix his tie, not meeting his gaze.

Jungkook doesn’t reply, knowing you don’t want to acknowledge that he’d overheard your conversation, which he didn’t mean to walk in on. It did bother him, too; he suddenly wishes he’d fought back if that man was just going to speak to you that way.

There’s a sadness in your eyes that he tries not to mind and which you try to trivialize. Perhaps the man matters that much to you for you to be feeling this bad; Jungkook doesn’t really know what to do with that thought. So he tries to brush it off, too, telling you instead to be ready for today’s meeting with his father.

You ask if he’s checked the presentation you worked on, as you added things from the last time. He nods and says he only added minimal details that he came up with last night, and you check to find that he indeed just made minute changes, another thing that you’re thankful for yet wary of, especially given how critical he was about your work in the beginning.

You continue with your morning routine of debriefing about yesterday’s meetings, then you finalize the Arts Center event’s menu in the car. When you arrive at the office, you wait patiently as he goes through some reports that you’ve checked, then he reviews some memos that he asked you to work on.

The last one finishes faster than you expected. It seems now that his comments are what you look for, only because it reminds you that he hasn’t changed; somehow that seems like a better thought to have than him suddenly being lenient or lowering his standards for you for some unknown reason. He’s definitely witnessed some of your low moments; you don’t want to think those have anything to do with how he’s been lately.

The meeting with the management support team ends before lunch time, and you work on the minutes and the other things Jungkook had asked of you during the time that he meets with Yoongi in his office. That takes another half hour, and by the time they’re done, you’re done with your tasks, too, so you send those documents to Jungkook for checking in the afternoon.

Another one off the list, you think to yourself. At this point, you’re just going over all your deliverables with a focused mindset and waiting for the day’s end so you can spend time for yourself, just on the couch watching variety shows and movies until the weekend comes when you can do that for longer hours.

Having your friends over or traveling to Daegu are the only other things you look forward to. You used to look forward to spending the night at Hajoon’s, too; you could at least feel something pleasurable - the closest you could get to any form of intimacy that didn’t require you to bare yourself other than your body. But that’s a thing of the past now - there’s that amazing life-changing toy that Soomin got you last Sunday that’s got you thinking that you’ll be fine being alone for the rest of your life.

“Long day, huh?”

You look up and see Yoongi, his curious eyes scanning your desk full of papers, folders, and half-eaten biscuits.

“It has been,” you sigh.

“I see. It’s also only just 12 noon,” he points out.

“What a shocking revelation, Min Yoongi,” you grunt. “I don’t need to be reminded that I have another six hours here.”

“Hmm, just like me. So, what are you looking forward to when you clock out?”

“My leftover stir-fry for dinner that I’m going to add beef to,” you respond. “And The Zone. I missed it last Monday.”

“You and your variety shows,” he chuckles.

“What other reason do I have to laugh, hmm?”

“I’d say me, but you don’t find me funny.”

“You aren’t, sorry,” you smile, your first of the day, and Yoongi smiles back, knowing you haven’t been doing it the past few weeks.

“So–”

“Ms. Cho,” Jungkook’s voice cuts Yoongi off, as your boss stands by his open door with curious eyes that flit from you to the man in front of you. He recovers though, as he instructs, “the minutes are fine. Send it to the team now so they can work on their tasks.”

“You’ve read it?” You speak too soon, realizing a second too late that the words didn’t stay in your head. Your widened eyes don’t help you though, as Jungkook scowls at you.

“Are you asking me if I’ve read the file that I just approved and instructed you to disseminate?”

Yoongi purses his lips to hold off a laugh, and you glare at him because his teasing isn’t really what you need right now.

“I meant, uh, you’ve reviewed it already, sir? I… thought… you were going to prepare for the lunch meeting instead,” you reason, which isn’t even a lie.

“I have. Father hasn’t called me up so I just reviewed the minutes while waiting.”

You look at the file and see that nothing has been added. “And? That’s it?”

“Ms. Cho, are you questioning my ability to review?” He asks, his eyebrows furrowed as he starts to look displeased, although they seem harmless compared to his frustrated expressions from the past.

“No, Mr. Jeon, I apologize,” you say. “I was wondering if you didn’t have anything more to add, that’s all.”

“There’s none,” he clarifies. “Just send it to the team and uh… get ready for the meeting.”

He glances at Yoongi before closing the door.

“Questioning your boss’ ability to review now, huh?” Yoongi teases.

“Shut up. He’s just been weird,” you pout.

“That’s new. How so?”

“He hasn’t been an asshole for a few days.”

“Well, that’s quite the standard but I get you, I guess,” Yoongi hums. “In what way has he been out of character?”

“He just… hasn’t been pointing things out and correcting my submissions or asking a lot of questions about the reports I review,” you say. “Or just… you know, he hasn’t been him. He makes Mr. Ri pick me up every morning, he doesn’t email on the weekend, I get to leave on time, I get to eat properly…”

“In short, he’s been a decent boss recently?”

“I guess… I mean, it’s been two weeks since my mishap. He’s been quite tolerable these past few days. Maybe he hit his head and some loose screws tightened. Maybe he had a bad dream and the ghost of the future me visited him. Maybe he had a change of heart… though that’s highly unlikely. Maybe he–”

“Realized he hasn’t been good to you and doesn’t want you to go through the horror of another Mrs. Byun,” Yoongi interjects.

Your curious eyes prompt him to continue. “We had a meeting the other day and I saw a folder on his desk with her name on it. Formal complaints are only available in physical copies; other personnel files are stored in the server, so the only documents he’d have of her are the ones of her investigation. And he’d only be interested in that because of you. Those include your written statements.”

“As do you yours,” you point out.

“Yes, he’d totally be interested in how his design lead witnessed a manager’s abuse of power three years ago,” Yoongi sarcastically says.

You sigh to yourself. You’ve never told Jungkook about your experience with Mrs. Byun, but you wouldn’t be surprised if Hoseok or even Yoongi has mentioned it to him. It’s an experience you don’t like to think about; you were a young woman who had everything to prove, who had a lot to lose, and conceding to someone taking advantage of you seemed like the only way to survive. Not once did you put your foot down, and not once did you stand up for yourself. You experienced all those then went home to an empty house and found comfort in your own warmth and your own breathing.

You don’t want that experience to determine how others would treat you after. Hoseok was all things gentle and warm and you know that whatever you went through wouldn’t have determined how he treated you.

But Jungkook… Jungkook is different. This isn’t his default state. This isn’t how he normally is. This isn’t how you started. The last thing you want is for him to feel pity for all that you went through - in the past and recently - and then treat you differently because of it. He’s been less critical, less judgmental, and less doubtful of your capabilities. You only wish it isn’t for anything that he’d read or seen you experience.

“I doubt it,” you shake your head. “A man that perpetually displeased doesn’t just decide one day that he’d give the bare minimum of decency to his assistant.”

“Look, ___. Jungkook is a lot of things. He has a lot of feelings that he doesn’t want to deal with, and a lot of emotions he doesn’t know how to express,” Yoongi tries to explain. “I wouldn’t be friends with him if I didn’t believe there’s an ounce of goodness in him. And there is. Maybe him showing it just isn't good timing. He’s terrible at that, too. In fact, he’s terrible at a lot of things, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t try. It doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of kindness.”

“Kindness,” you huff. That’s quite a reach, but Yoongi’s always been a good judge of character. You do want to believe what he says about Jungkook; it’s just not an easy switch to flip. “I’m just trying not to care much at this point,” you sigh. “I come to work, focus on my tasks, do whatever I’m asked, go back home, rinse and repeat.”

“Is it satisfying, though?”

“When was work ever satisfying, Yoongi?” You laugh bitterly.

“Well, I could at least recall seeing you enjoy organizing those events for Hoseok and even joining him in some,” Yoongi points out. “I… I saw you smile a lot. There was a bit of satisfaction there, yeah?”

“Somehow, I guess. But I just had to make do. Hoseok was great, but this is also my job, really the only thing going for me.”

“What are you working towards, then?”

“I don’t really know. Maybe at 30 I should know but I really don’t.”

“Then why are you still here?” He asks, softly, desperately. “Why do you stay?”

“And find out who I am outside of all this?” You wonder out loud. “What if I don’t like her? What if she isn’t good?”

“Then this place hasn’t been good for you if you doubt who you are outside of what you’ve done here,” Yoongi says. “You’re just 30; there’s a whole world out there where you can learn who you are and be someone you actually like. I don’t know what’s stopping you.”

A lot of things, you think to yourself. But when you find comfort in discomfort, when you find security in chaos, and when you find companionship in loneliness, it’s not that easy to leave all this behind, even if deep down, you know it’s what you have to do.

“I don’t know, too,” you lie. “Maybe I’ll find a good enough reason one day and that would be it; I’ll be out of here and then I can find out if I like myself outside of everything I know.”

“I think you would.”

I did, Yoongi thinks to himself. He knows you’d laugh and agree; he’s moved on from you and things can’t be any better than how your friendship is right now, but he also knows you’re not the best at feelings, a similarity he realizes you have with the person you supposedly dislike.

“I won’t know until then, I guess. So I just gotta bear with who I am now,” you say.

There’s so much of you that Yoongi doesn’t know. It’s why he wanted to, why he asked you out for coffee and why he felt a bit of a heartbreak when you turned him down. But there are parts of you that he does know, that you let him see, and sometimes he finds himself wishing you’d find someone you’d feel safe enough with to share everything else you keep to yourself.

He keeps these things to himself, too. He’s learned that the only way to keep you close is to keep his distance; you’ll reach out if you need to, even if it’s something you rarely do. But what’s important is that he’ll be there just in case; what matters is you know that there’s a hand available when you need it.

So he just nods and takes your word for it. You’ll find yourself somehow, in whatever way you will. And you’ll find a reason to leave, whenever that is. He could only hope it’s a decision you’d make on your own, one that you won’t regret, and one that’ll lead you to find whatever it is that you’re looking for.

“So what, they want to put a stop to the Arts Center? They’re not the ones working hard for it. And quite frankly, I don’t need their help in any way to make it happen.”

Jungkook shakes his head in disbelief, anger manifesting in the way he clenches his jaw and groans repeatedly. It’s a sight you’re familiar with by now, and for the first time, you feel for him. It feels as if with this project, he doesn’t seem to have anyone on his side, aside from Hoseok, who’s been encouraging and helpful in many ways.

“They don’t want to stop it, son,” CEO Jeon says. “They’re merely questioning some of your decisions about the prices you’ve set out.”

“In short, they’re undermining me,” Jungkook groans. “This is my project. We’ve done the necessary research. If they read the report, they’d know. But clearly, they just want reasons to doubt all this, to doubt me.”

“It’s just the first project of its kind,” his father reasons. “The arts institution from 2017 was a collaboration and it wasn’t this big. The Arts Center just isn’t the usual commercial establishment that the VP office undertakes. The Board just wants to be clear about the profits because it’s not as straightforward as the others. They want to know how the property will earn.”

“Exhibition entrance tickets, bookings, rent,” Jungkook replies. “What’s not straightforward about that? Might as well say they don’t understand or even value arts and culture because that makes money, and if done right and respectfully, it can make a lot of money. I know what I’m doing.”

“It’s not like I didn’t make those points, son. It’s your first big project. I think they just—”

“Don’t believe I can manage it on my own.”

“They don’t think you can make the necessary connections on your own,” CEO Jeon finally says. “We all know how important that is. They doubt you’d be able to forge good relationships with professionals in an industry we don’t really have strong connections to. And with a project this big, it’s the company’s resources and reputation on the line.”

There’s silence in the room, as Jungkook seems to process the core issue that the Board has with him. You can tell it’s affecting him so much, as the anger in his eyes slowly turns into resignation.

It’s no secret that Jungkook’s way of engaging with others leaves a lot to be desired. From what you can see, he’s used to thinking more, envisioning, planning - the concepts and designs are amazing in his head and there are others tasked to sell that idea, to make it connect with people, to express why it matters, and to make sure it earns. That’s what Hoseok is good at; Jungkook never seemed like the type who enjoys that aspect of the work.

“You should’ve thought about my outstanding interpersonal skills before appointing me as Vice President, then,” he says bitterly. “Clearly that’s what the Board and everyone else value more than anything.”

“Hey, Kook. We know you’re good for this role,” Hoseok comforts. “And we believe in your project, we really do. Just focus on that. Make sure you’re constantly adjusting and refining the plans, and remind the Board that your ideas are even better when they’ve come to life. You’ve done it with your other projects before. Eventually you’ll be able to show them that you’re more than capable of forging relationships, too. That’ll come naturally. But in the meantime, you just have to give them something to make them believe it’ll be good for the company and our image in the long-run. Make them envision it.”

“I have,” Jungkook argues. “And I’ll keep doing that. I just need father to be on my side. I just need him to back me up, to trust me and every single one of my decisions.”

You’ve never heard desperation in Jungkook’s voice until today and you’re surprised with how much it’s affecting you, not just because you know how much effort he’s put into conceptualizing the place but because you’ve come to believe in it, too.

“Ms. Cho.”

CEO Jeon’s voice pulls you away from Jungkook, and you turn to the older man and ask if there’s anything he needs.

“Your thoughts,” he responds. “What would the Arts Center mean for the company? Do you think it will yield profits?”

They’re not questions that are new to you. Hoseok would often ask you these things about the smaller projects that go through him. CEO Jeon has asked you the same things in informal situations before, not so much to gain new insight - although he claims that your thoughts are interesting to him - but to gauge your belief in the project. He has a good read on people; you’ve observed him ask questions and pick apart not what they said but how they said it. You suppose that’s what he’s doing now, too.

“You’ve mentioned a few times that you want to expand the company’s market, Mr. Jeon,” you start. “And if I remember correctly, the Board agreed. Efforts to cater to expats and the middle class have been successful, but perhaps another type of expansion is in engaging the field of the arts and culture and its creators and consumers. More people from all walks of life and all over the world are gaining interest in Korean art and culture in all forms and the company has the resources to create a space for it. Like what the Vice President said, there’s an opportunity to earn from it while, of course, respecting it.”

You see CEO Jeon and Hoseok nod, a sight you’ve seen before as well. But Jungkook looks at you with curiosity, with a look of anticipation, as if he’s hanging onto every word you’re saying.

“The Arts Center was conceptualized and designed to be a hub for all things creative,” you continue. “Making general admission free makes the arts accessible to people, and once that appreciation grows, they’ll pay to see it, to experience it. Just go to any online forum and you’ll see that the public wants to experience art, not just observe it. They’d travel for it. The Center has spaces for that. I think that’s the ultimate goal - for anyone to be immersed in it. And that can happen through art pieces in a gallery or in a garden, through books, music, or spoken poetry, or even a photoshoot. Patrons can book rooms for private events, they can buy from the gift shop, they can do art themselves. It’s like a canvas and they can take part in creating meaning for the space. That’s what we’re selling. And that’s something people are willing to buy.”

“I see your point, Ms. Cho,” CEO Jeon says, nodding satisfyingly at you. “And it’s a good one.”

“It’s what Mr. Jeon has been saying all this time,” you counter. “It’s easy to understand and to buy into the idea… if only the Board would listen to him. If only they’d open their mind to what he envisions.”

“Well, that’s one way to get through to them, then,” Hoseok voices out. “Invite them to the arts event, treat them like creators and consumers, not as Board members.”

“That’s a good idea,” CEO Jeon says. “Maybe then they can see how you engage with the guests, which I hope you’re working on. And while you’re at it, work on your relationship with them, too. That means initiating conversations, seeking them out… It's part of the job, son. The Board are our stakeholders, too, you know this.”

“Aren’t some of them based in Japan and Singapore?” You wonder aloud, hinting at another suggestion that you want would come from Jungkook himself, given his scheduled plans to fly there.

“Yeah. Maybe I can meet them the next time I go,” he says, picking up on your thoughts.

Jungkook isn’t really fond of engaging with them. He always just left the socializing part to his uncle who used to head the Southeast Asian office. When Jungkook would be in Seoul, he let his father, Hoseok, and Ji-woo deal with them, with nothing but an acknowledgment on his end. He tends to stay at the bar on his own just to drown out the sounds. Yoongi sometimes joins him but most times, Jungkook finds himself alone even during such events; being with a lot of people is tiring, lonesome, isolating. With this new role, he’s started to accept that he has to do more. It doesn’t mean he’ll enjoy it though.

“I’ll have that arranged for you,” you tell him.

“Well then, that’s one way to revamp your image,” the older man smiles. “You just have to keep that up moving forward. That’s why Ms. Cho is there. She’s used to these events and these engagements with them. You’ll be fine.”

You give a reassuring smile to Jungkook - a genuine one, as you see it’s what he needs, given all that you learned from today’s meeting. He merely nods, and you think that should be enough of an acknowledgment from his end.

Hoseok wraps it up, going through a few policy-related items and then reminding the other men about upcoming social gatherings that they all need to attend. He asks to briefly speak with Jungkook, whom he pulls aside, while the elder Mr. Jeon approaches you.

“Thank you for standing by Jungkook, Ms. Cho, especially since I haven’t been able to show my support the way I want to,” he says. “I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“It hasn’t, but he made me believe in his vision for the Center,” you respond. “I’m starting to see what he sees. And it’s quite beautiful.”

Jungkook overhears the exchange, as he zoned out on Hoseok once he heard his father address you.

It’s something that his cousin picks up, as he repeats what he just said, totally unbothered by it.

Hoseok, of all people, knows how important it is that you have Jungkook’s back. He also knows how difficult that must be for you, given how the man has been towards you all these weeks.

But you’re unwavering. You’re able to withstand the challenges, and while Hoseok knows that you do have a tendency to also allow yourself to suffer through it, he also knows you’ve learned, and you’ll stand your ground if you need to; he’ll back you up, and he can only hope you know that.

You all exit the private room of the restaurant and head back to the office across the street. It’s 4PM by the time you return to your desk, given that Jungkook called for a meeting with the management support team after what transpired during lunch.

You immediately work on the minutes and action points, finishing two hours later and then deciding that you’ll work on your next deliverable tomorrow.

Jungkook exits his room, informing you that he’ll be leaving for an early dinner with Hoseok at a nearby restaurant, and that Mr. Ri can drop you off at your place. You’ve contested the service that was offered to you, and you and Jungkook settled on a compromise that you can go home on your own except for late nights.

“Mr. Ri will just be waiting for me anyway. No harm in driving you home tonight,” Jungkook says, knowing you were about to turn down the offer.

“Okay, sir,” you reply.

You do last minute things and pack up immediately to go home, taking this chance to get proper rest because you know the last two days of the week are going to be tiring.

The next day, Jungkook does conference calls and closed-door meetings, leaving you to do summary reports and other administrative backlogs that have your eyebrows scrunched the entire day. If it wasn’t for Do-hyun reminding you about lunch that you promised to have with her, you would’ve totally forgotten.

You’re in the zone as you go through the afternoon - two meetings straight that have Jungkook rubbing his temples constantly and you doing the same. But you pop in some aspirin and ginseng jelly next to his cup of tea, feeling satisfied when he takes them.

You go home on time, not wanting to be offered a ride for a consecutive night, and you get proper rest to face the final day of the week.

It’s all going well, as you find a rhythm early on as you work on your deliverables while Jungkook remains focused on his own tasks. You’re the one who reminds him now to eat his lunch, and seeing the blueprints sprawled on his desk, you offer to buy him one yourself.

He nods in appreciation as you state his usual order for confirmation, and you eat your sandwich while waiting for his curry rice bowl in the food hall. You get back to your tasks, thankful for the unusually quiet and uneventful Friday.

You see now how hyper focused Jungkook could get. He’s got his blinds closed but you can tell that he’s immersed in his designs and proposals and plans. He’s not allowing calls or visitors, and he only rings you to ask for coffee, which you’ve given him four times so far. Towards the end of the day, you’re the one who asks to go in, informing him that the Board meeting has been moved to a week earlier than scheduled; it’s two Fridays from now, which means his team has to finalize everything soon.

It’s his first one since becoming Vice President, and given how he used to question you, you’re surprised when he asks your proposed timeline to prepare for the meeting.

“Manager Lee is already consolidating all the departmental reports,” you respond. “You can instruct him to finalize the VP report with all those by Wednesday; the presentation can be due on Friday so you can go through all of them. We can submit the report for CEO review the Monday after that and then you can prepare for your run through until the meeting.”

“Sounds good,” he replies. “I’ll send them an email with the instructions shortly.”

“Noted, sir,” you say. “I’ve also submitted the minutes of the past two days’ meetings as well as the policy guidelines you asked for.”

“Oh, right,” he says, taking his iPad. “I’ve looked through them. The minutes are good; you can disseminate them accordingly. I’ve highlighted the parts for the condensed version you’ll send to the CEO and the President. I also have minimal corrections and remarks on the policy guidelines and I’ve edited them directly on the file. Just proofread again and then affix my signature once you’ve finished.”

“Y—you’re done?” You ask. You hope he doesn’t pick up the shock in your voice.

“Yes, and I’ve read them. Thoroughly,” he answers.

You smile in embarrassment after the other day.

“Does that bother you?” He follows up.

“N-no, sir,” you say, knowing he’s waiting for an answer. “I guess I was expecting you to take longer because, you know, more comments. And you’ve been busy all day, too.”

“More comments… Is that what you’re expecting?”

“Sort of,” you admit. “I mean… you made a lot of them before.”

You pout in reflex as you realize how you sound. You’re basically pointing out how critical he used to be, and if you’re being honest, you do wish he still was. At least that tells you that he’s still the same, that no knowledge of your past experience with your former boss has made him change his disposition towards you.

Jungkook sees your pout, and he crosses his arms and legs to keep himself from doing something as stupid as wiping it off you. It’s a little disarming for him, if he’s being honest.

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way,” you clarify.

Liar, you think to yourself.

“Well, if I used to do it a lot and I still do that after a month in, wouldn’t it reflect poorly on you and me if you still haven’t learned from all that?” He asks.

You think about it and eventually nod. He does have a point.

“You’ve adapted. I’d be worried if you continued to do things the way you used to,” he adds.

You nod again, taking in all his words. Much as you appreciate them, there’s another thought still bugging you.

“May I be honest, Mr. Jeon?” You ask, your heart beating fast now as he looks at you curiously.

He nods anyway and asks you to continue.

“I don’t think you��d lower your standards or anything when it comes to my work,” you start. “So I don’t want to believe that you pity me just because you know what I experienced in the past.”

He looks at you questioningly, as if to ask what you’re talking about.

“I spotted Mrs. Byun’s files on your table,” you lie. “I assume you’ve read about how she treated me. And I… I don’t want to be pitied, Mr. Jeon. If it’s that, please don’t. Please don’t let it affect how you’d treat me. It wasn’t even that bad—”

“It was,” he interjects. “This company doesn’t tolerate people who abuse their power. I only knew about your case because I’m thorough with my work. And that includes looking into my staff and their past. I did it for everyone,” he lies as well.

Hoseok and Yoongi had mentioned something about a past experience and Jungkook did dig deep. It was so he could help you professionally, he convinced himself.

“You should also know that I don’t make compromises when it comes to the quality of work of my staff and that means I don’t pity people if they fail to meet my standards. But I suppose you think that I do because of how I was in the beginning,” he continues, surprising you. “I admit I was being too critical. And I don’t have an excuse, just that I absolutely hate change. I’m not good at managing it and I reacted in a way that I’m used to, which is not a good way at all. I know now that I was not fair to you.”

The apology doesn’t come, but you know that the admission means enough already. It’s definitely taken a huge burden off of you. You didn’t dream up all those incidents and it wasn’t entirely on you. That itself gives you relief.

“My father and cousin were right. You’re a fast learner. You pick up on the comments, work on them immediately, and adjust accordingly. It’s a good trait to have, Ms. Cho.”

“I appreciate that, Mr. Jeon.”

“May I be honest, too?” He asks, surprising you again.

You nod, anticipating what he’d say, knowing he’s never been this quiet nor looked this nervous in all these weeks you’ve known him.

“What you said to my father about the Arts Center the other day, I appreciate that, too,” he says. “I guess you could’ve said something general or basic but you didn’t.”

“Your father wouldn’t have minded what I said,” you reply. “What mattered was how I said it. I guess as the person who’s privy to a lot of things about the project, he sincerely wanted to know what I thought about it, if I genuinely believed in it.”

“Well, it was a good way to convince him. And it seemed like he believed you.”

“I’m not a good actor, Mr. Jeon,” you chuckle. “He believed it because I meant it. And he saw that I was on your side. As I should. I still meant it, though.”

“That’s… encouraging,” he huffs. “At least one person is.”

“I’m sure he does, too.”

“It’s ironic that people like Mr. Ri think that my father and I are so alike, yet we don’t see eye to eye most of the time.”

“It’s because you are alike. You both think you’re right all the time,” you joke, teetering on the edge and sighing in relief when he laughs, a sound you don’t think you’ve ever heard.

“You make a good point,” he smiles a tiny bit, something you also don’t think you’ve ever seen him do. “But I’m still adjusting to working directly with him, and in a bigger role, too. We'll probably butt heads a lot.”

“You will. I already know it. In fact, I can already see it,” you laugh again.

It’s a moment you share with him that you didn’t imagine you ever would. He’s being honest about his concerns and you’re giving comfort in the way you know how and neither of you seems to mind.

“I’m… I’m gonna need your help, Ms. Cho,” he says so softly, his eyes turning away from you. “I’m gonna need your assistance. Not just in seeing the Arts Center through but in everything - navigating this role, dealing with my father, dealing with people. I… I know what I’m good at. So I don’t really focus on the things I don’t do well in but this position forces me to confront those and I… I’ll need help.”

For someone who doesn’t seem to like being vulnerable in front of others, seeing this side of Jungkook makes you sympathetic. The soft tone of his voice, the lack of eye contact, the crossed arms… they’re familiar because it’s how you are, and you know it’s difficult to be this honest with another person, especially when it’s about what you need.

More than wanting to help him because it’s your job, you find yourself wanting to see him succeed, too, to see him manage it all. That way, when you do eventually leave the company and search whatever it is you’re looking for, you can rest easy knowing that he’ll be okay, that the team will be okay, that the Arts Center will be all that he imagined it to be.

“I’m here, Mr. Jeon,” you assure him. “I’ll do my best to provide you with the assistance you need.”

“Thank you,” he mutters, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard him say those words with such sincerity to you, too.

You bow in acknowledgement and head out, leaving Jungkook in a haze, as he realizes that in your presence, he’d done what he's been trying to avoid ever since you walked in his life - be honest. He’d told you his concerns, his needs, and it seems that his honesty is something you appreciated as well. There was that acceptance that he wouldn’t have expected from you, not because you aren’t the type to give it but because he hasn’t given you a reason to. But you gave it regardless; you let him feel that it was okay.

It’s another half hour before he’s packing up to head home. It’s been a tiring week and he just wants to have a long bath, watch sports, and drink a cold beer over grilled meat. He’ll probably get some work done but maybe he’ll drive to some resort out of town, have a good workout, get in a sauna, and have a massage. He’ll have a nice meal with his friends and then go to a club. Or maybe he’ll just stay in. There’s something about being honest that makes him want to keep to himself for a while. He’ll start with that tonight, as he turns down Taehyung’s invite to another one of his client’s party.

Jungkook walks out and sees your desk empty, but he does hear your voice coming from the management support team’s room, telling them about your weekend plans as well.

“I’m going to the film festival in Incheon,” you say. “And probably just stay at a hostel.”

“Are you going by yourself?” Do-hyun asks.

“Uh, yeah,” you reply.

Hajoon was supposed to go with you. He invited himself, actually, and you should’ve read into the fact that he’d wanted to experience your interests with you. You hadn’t minded, and that’s clearly out of the picture now.

“I usually go to them by myself,” you add.

“Well, if you decide you want to invite one of us or hang out, you can always let us know,” Chin-sun teases, knowing you probably won’t.

“Let’s wait until we’re not too tired and busy, okay?” You chuckle. “That way, we can afford to do whatever we want on the weekends.”

“Yup, that’ll probably never happen,” Do-hyun pouts. “When are we not tired and busy? It’s probably worse this time because we don’t get to laugh and joke around like we used to. Are we even getting a holiday? Will we have an out-of-town team building? Or dinners and karaoke like how Mr. Jung used to treat us to?”

“The team-building is budgeted so yes, we’ll have it,” you tell them. “And dinners? I can maybe suggest that to Mr. Jeon. And come on, no one’s stopping you from laughing or joking around. You can still do all that.”

“Yeah, but sometimes I feel like I’m not allowed to because it might seem like I’m not serious about my job because our boss is too serious and it doesn’t seem right,” Do-hyun whines.

And for the first time, you feel genuinely bad for how they think about Jungkook. You don’t blame them though, but the man you saw earlier who broke into a small smile is definitely capable of laughter; you just don’t know how to elicit it from him again.

“He’s just been under a lot of pressure, but he doesn’t prohibit you from finding joy in anything,” you say. “Just… give him some time, okay? He’ll come around. Let’s just focus on our work and then focus on ourselves when the weekend comes. So all of you, pack up now and go home to your families and your pets. We’ve got a long few weeks ahead.”

Jungkook hears a collective okay then heads out right away, the initial thought of saying goodbye to the team having dissipated. He can’t blame them for voicing out their frustrations over the change in how they’re being managed. Hoseok was loved. He built a competent team whose spirit Jungkook is afraid he’s now breaking. But he’s not like his cousin, and he doesn’t know how to reach out to them in a way that’s genuine. He let the pressure get to him too much early on and while he’s not the type to forge connections with his staff, he’s seeing now how important it is for him as Vice President to do that.

But it’s too much to think about for today. He’ll let this affect him a little bit and then figure things out. Based on what he heard though, he’s not on his own. You were on his side again, even when you thought he wasn’t around. There’s something about the way you stand up to him and stand by him that’s refreshing. There’s honesty there, too, and he’s learning that it’s what he needs.

He makes it to the elevator but then holds the door once he hears rapid footsteps. You mutter your thanks as you enter, and he feels the tension build as you’re together after the exchange earlier. He hasn’t gotten over that yet, so he’s unsure how to talk with you.

It seems like so are you, as you drum your fingers on the strap of your bag and focus on the door while you both wait to make it to the ground floor. Jungkook is tempted to offer you a ride with him but he decides against it. Even then, he slows his steps so he could walk alongside you, as you both head out the main doors.

“Get some rest, Mr. Jeon,” you finally say. “And have a good weekend.”

You look at him with sincerity in your eyes, your smile soft and assuring, something he’s never seen you direct at him before. It’s even different from earlier. There’s more understanding, he thinks. Perhaps there’s care.

“You, too, Ms. Cho,” he replies before entering the car. “Get home safely.”

You bow to him and wave at Mr. Ri before walking down the pathway to the street that leads towards the bus stop.

Jungkook lets himself be comfortable in the seat while he forces the image of your smile out of his head. The sun has set and it’s Seoul at its busiest on another hot Friday evening. There are more cars than usual and so movement is slow, but that’s how he sees you - walking down the sidewalk in the midst of all these people. And there you are, somehow looking at peace. There’s an air of isolation that surrounds you, but you don’t look lonely. Just… alone. There’s still that warmth in your eyes and your smile that he finds himself wanting to see more of.

This is when he realizes he might be in trouble. There’s a line he shouldn’t cross, but there’s this desire to get to know you, to know your thoughts and your feelings and your words. He reminds himself that he needs you, in a way that an authority figure needs support and assistance. He needs you to be focused and capable, and he needs to be the same.

With his attraction that he can’t get over, he knows that the only way to make sure that he keeps things professional is to keep his distance - not just physically, but more so emotionally. You’ll definitely be spending more time together and he needs to constantly remind himself of who you are and who he is. That much as he feels safe and honest with you, he can’t go any further; he can’t let you get any closer. He doesn’t know how he’ll do it, but that’s one other thing he’ll figure out.

Series Masterlist

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#jungkook fic #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook angst #jungkook x oc #jungkook series #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #boss jungkook

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cherrifire · 3 months

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Please share your thoughts on the other 5 cutie marks, I'd love to hear!

Hi everypony! I got like 20 asks for the Dogwarts cutie mark lore so I'm here to speak my truth!

Before we start, I would like to write a quick reminder that a pony's cutie mark is not always their "special talent", but can also represent who they are, their personalities, and a possible destiny. Different cutie marks have different meanings and interpretations, but they're not just about representing what you're good at.

That being said, let's start with the cutie mark design I'm proudest of!

Ren's Cutie Mark

Ren's cutie mark is of a sunrise and looks pretty simple at first glance but there was a lot of thought that went into this one.

First of all, I bet you're wondering why a sunrise? Well, in the show, it is pretty typical for unicorns with great magical abilities to have one relating to space (examples being Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, Starlight Glimmer, and Sunburst). And I figured since I wanted Ren to fall into a similar position of potentially becoming an alicorn, I gave him a cutie mark following the same trend. And I chose a sunrise to reflect the way Ren seems to glow when he enters a room. The way he carries himself is very warm and bright it just catches your eye in a similar way the sun would.

Also, Ren wears sunglasses. So a sun-themed cutie mark seemed appropriate.

Additionally, there are a couple of smaller details I want to point out too. Like the sun rays, if you look at them for a moment you'll see they're shaped like little crowns! I of course had to put a crown in thanks to how much Ren likes to play royalty, so I snuck it in there. And then the red spots underneath could both be interpreted as the sun reflected over water or blood. (But of course, this is a kid show AU so there wouldn't be any blood in Ren's destiny, just a fun reference to the red king and his whole thing about blood dyeing the snow red)

Martyn's Cutie Mark

I explained this one in an earlier ask but I thought I'd explain it again here for anyone who didn't see it!

Martyn's cutie mark is of a chopped log and a small stick.

This one is mostly a play on the name "Littlewood" but has other meanings too. As a character, Martyn tends to travel and explore quite a bit. In the Life Series specifically, he is usually the last one to find a permanent base and even then doesn't spend a lot of time in one place. Always on the move. Additionally, he's more of a wild card compared to other characters, always trying to be as unpredictable as possible.

The smaller detail here is the little swirl on top of the log is the same as the one on his Minecraft skin's shirt.

BigB's Cutie Mark

Cookies! Cookies! Cookies! BigB's cutie mark is of 3 cookies where one is trying to eat the others. There are also a few sprinkles there made to look like action lines.

We all know BigB loves cookies so of course I had to give him a cutie mark with cookies in it. For this one, I decided to follow the cutie mark trend of "symbol/item important to the pony duplicated 3 times" (examples being Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie) but I added a bit more creativity to it with the top on trying to eat the others to represent just how tasty they are 😋

Additionally, rather than the first cookie trying to eat the others, you could interpret it as opening its mouth to talk. Because BigB can not keep a secret to save his life! In Double Life when he started "secret soulmates" with Grian, he didn't last a day without opening his mouth. He told Ren about it immediately because he felt bad for keeping things from him.

Also worth quickly mentioning: People pointed out in my original post that they don't think BigB would be the element of honesty because of his behaviour in Secret Life. But that's just Secret Life. I think Secret Life to BigB was like that episode of My Little Pony where Discord makes the main 6 act the opposite of their true element. BigB was just going through a weird phase of telling very obvious lies because a book told him to.

Skizz's Cutie Mark

Skizz's cutie mark is of a lightning bolt from a couple storm clouds hitting the ground.

I think this is the cutie mark with the least thought put into it, unfortunately. There was still though just not as much as the others. The big thing I thought was fun was I made the lightning bolt shaped like an "S" to stand for Skizzleman. But other than that, this cutie mark sort of has the same meaning as Rainbow Dash's cutie mark. Quick like lightning, loud, bold, dangerous, and powerful.

Impulse's Cutie Mark

Impulse's cutie mark is of a lit-up lightbulb.

I absolutely crowded this cutie mark with the letter i. If you look closely, there are 6 of them. Impulse's design also has an i-shaped pattern on the belly if you look closely enough. But that's more of a fun easter egg and doesn't exactly reflect Impulse as a character.

There are a couple of reasons I chose a lightbulb for Impulse, the first and probably most obvious is that he's a redstone guy! He's a technical guy who likes to work smarter, not harder. So I figured the My Little Pony equivalent would be a light bulb/electricity. The second reason for the lightbulb is that it's usually used as a visual representation when characters have that "eureka!" moment in cartoons. When someone has a brilliant idea a little lightbulb turns on above their head. So since Impulse is the ideas guy, I figured a lightbulb would work for his cutie mark.

Etho's Cutie Mark

Etho's cutie mark is of a snowflake with a missing branch.

I promise there is more to this cutie mark than just "Canada is cold" even if that's part of the reason I wanted to give him a winter-themed cutie mark. While it is fun to make a nod to Etho being Canadian, I thought a winter-themed cutie mark would be fun to represent how he sometimes presents himself. Cold and a bit mysterious. I think deep down once you get to know him, those attributes melt away, but for people who have never met him, he may be intimidating that way.

I'll be honest, I don't watch a lot of Etho content, but I do have a few friends who identify as Etho girlies so I did my research. I was told in his Minecraft Let's Play World, that he has a snowflake build somewhere. I believe they said it was an iron golem farm? (Please correct me if I'm wrong) but I thought that was perfect for the cutie mark. And if you're wondering why there's a branch missing, it's because one of my friends said he was incapable of finishing builds sometimes so I thought that would be fun to include.

-=+=-

Alright. Rant over. To celebrate, here are a few pony doodles so I can put this post in my art tag.

#cherri.speaks #cherri.draws #trafficblr #my little pony au #renthedog #inthelittlewood #bigbst4tz2 #skizzleman #impulsesv #ethoslab #Third Life x MLP #mclp

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synergysilhouette · 5 months

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Everyone keeps talking about "traditional villains," but in retrospect, I wish Disney had gone in a different direction for the Revival Era. Hear me out...

King Magnifico's failed characterization and poor writing in "Wish" really bummed me out. I was looking forward to a complex villain who was kinda right. I was hoping it could usher in a new age of Disney villains who were more grey than black and white, who made the characer grow as a person because they challenged their perspective. But then I realized that the opportunity existed in earlier revival-era villains:

Dr. Facilier is a villain first and foremost, though thinking back on it, I do think he is kinda proto-Magnifico, granting people's wishes, only for them to find that what they wanted isn't what they expected. I do wish he tied a bit of truth in with his scams, mentioning (similar to Magnifico) how people's dreams are very difficult to achieve--especially in the post-WWI American South, particularly POC. Naveen is generally assumed to be a POC himself, so he could juxtapose this viewpoint as someone who's never really had to experience such hardships. Dr. Facilier could still be 100% villainous, but further emphasis on dreams, wishes, and hard work would be part of his character. However, this is the reverse of "Wish"; Tiana has already worked hard, but she's lost a lot of her innocence and light-heartedness trying to achieve it, thus causing her to reevaluate how important love is and how she may not have realized it, being more practical about her dreams. It all starts with a wish.

Mother Gothel was already right; the world can be dark and cruel, and will destroy any light it finds. However, similar to Magnifico, since she's completely evil, the protagonist she goes against doesn't really change to understand what she's saying. Rapunzel doesn't see the world as dark or dangerous anymore; it's the opposite, thanks to her experiences. Because of this, I do wish Rapunzel did have a bit more negative experiences independent of Gothel to prove Gothel's point rather than it being "hey, she's just saying that because she's the villain." Maybe Rapunzel tries healing someone and people start lusting after her hair.

Hans is DEFINITELY a missed opportunity. He was the anti-Anna; isolated and alone, and he became bitter and cruel because of it. It's mentioned that the deleted song "More than Just the Spare" was removed because it made Anna too much like Hans. I don't think that, and if anything, it furthers my point: Hans gave up on his brothers, who he felt overlooked by and pestered by (he doesn't even mention his parents). Maybe give Hans less brothers and feature them a little in the movie so we can see how they interact with Hans and how it's a "what could be" for Anna and Elsa. His evil character is exactly what Anna is trying to avoid, but she understands how he became this way rather than it simply being for shock value.

Yokai was a great villain to me, but the reveal happened too late. I'd have loved seeing a more thorough exploration of his character and parallels to Hiro (which were done great in the film; I just wish it was expanded on). Highlight how people quickly forget about the dead and don't always learn from history, how there's this cycle of loss and hatred that you have to break.

Bellweather was on a power trip, but I do wish she had a storyline similar to Judy and Nick, since--in an interesting twist--they come off as more interesting and complex than the villain. She doesn't really say what made her act like this, and comments that "fear always works." I wish we got more of that, especially to play the two sides card; Zootopia is mainly predator-phobic, and challenges to this, ie predators playing down predator-related crimes in order to get people to look past their identity (and the fact that many predators are in positions of power) may have caused Bellweather's abuse by predators to be overlooked, causing her to want them all gone.

Te Ka is interesting. Despite "Moana" being a great film, I do feel like Te Ka and Maui's storyline was underutilized. It's revealed Maui stole Te Ka's heart for humans, but from what we see, Moana lives in this ideal community where their heritage, culture, and nature is loved and respected. Maybe embrace the fact that Tala is the only one who tells the story of the ancestors and how being they became "comfortable" since they were no longer voyagers, being used to the hierarchy and their stagnant society. Highlighting some humans' selfish natures would've been nice rather than Maui just telling us about it, with Te Ka being a metaphor for the destruction and disregard for nature and love.

Namaari is such a missed opportunity. Despite caring about her community, she comes off as more villainous than an antihero since she doesn't show any sympathy or care for Raya--in fact, she seems rather smug about hurting her. By making her a villain burdened by expectations and love for Fang while slowly being redeemed would've been better to me, shifting her POV slowly, making Raya angry with Namaari but understanding her motives. Having some regret about her choices--even if she believed they were the right ones--would've gone a long way for Namaari's characterization.

Magnifico...well, you already know he could've been one of Disney's most complex villains. Horrifying backstory and powers that are the result of hardwork left him with a jaded view on wish granting. He wants to help others, but has MANY reservations about it.

This is just my POV, of course; some of you may disagree (or feel like the aforementioned villains already achieved what I ask for), but I do hope future Disney villains have that "they're kinda right, even if they're wrong" characterization. It'd be a nice new era as the successor to traditional villains and twist villains--though just like twist villains, this trope requires VERY good writing.

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naughtyneganjdm · 6 months

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Naughty or Nice - Chapter 3

Summary: Tensions grow higher at the Greene farm when Negan learns the woman he had an affair with is the younger sister to the woman that he is dating.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Maggie, Greene Family, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51464518/chapters/130700899

Warnings: 18+, Swearing, angst, smut, etc.

Notes: I was trying to have some fun with this one. Thank you to those that read this! I appreciate all of you!

“I don’t understand,” Negan stammered to find the right words, his eyes shifting between both Y/N and Maggie. There were so many unanswered questions that were swirling around in his head. “How did you not know that your sister was my boss? And the two of you have different last names…”

“I use my mother’s last name,” Y/N informed Negan which ultimately made sense after all she told Negan when they were together last night. Huffing out, Hershel made his presence known and didn’t have to say a word to make it clear he hated that. With each passing second, all of the questions Negan had started to answer themselves. After spending such a small amount of time with Maggie’s family, by putting it together with the information he learned last night he was able to make sense of a lot of things. Maggie was the older sister that was the favorite. Y/N was the middle sister that was looked down upon and not well liked. Negan saw it in Hershel’s actions. Y/N was right about everything she told him about her family.

“You’re still using her last name?” Hershel retorted, a snarl expanding over his features at the idea. Y/N had a hard time looking at Hershel and when she did, Negan could see all that bravery and strength he knew in her from the past leaving. This man really did a number on her.

“I like the way it sounds,” Y/N explained feeling small. The last thing she should have felt was small with everything that she accomplished. Maggie stepped in beside her, offering up a weak smile. And that’s when things got worse for her. Now, not only was she dealing with the uncomfortableness from being around her family again, but she had to think about how the man she had an affair with last night was dating her older sister. Her older sister that she hadn’t seen in years. There wasn’t enough strength to muster up the words that were needed right now. So all she could do was focus on her father and what he said about her using her mother’s last name professionally. “I just was more comfortable using it.”

“It’s disrespectful,” Hershel chastised her response, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m not surprised though. You were always eager to get away from this family.”

“Daddy,” Maggie interrupted Hershel trying to make things less confrontational in the best way that she could. Rolling his eyes, Hershel’s hands settled at his hips and he turned away from them. Turning her attention back to Negan, Maggie was still thinking about how Negan asked her that she had no idea that Y/N was his boss. “Y/N and I haven’t talked in a very long time. Originally, she was living somewhere else. I had heard she moved to the city, but I never really learned much more than that. If I would have known she was your boss, I would have said something. Obviously.”

“Why did the two of you stop talking?” Negan pointed back and forth between the two of them. It made Y/N frown and look down toward her feet. “It’s just…you’re both so different and…”

“You’re acting weird,” Erin commented, tugging at Negan’s jacket to get him to look down at her. “Why are you acting weird?”

“I’m not acting weird,” Negan scrambled to find the right words reaching down to pick Erin up in his arms. “I’m just surprised to see that the woman I work under is related to Maggie. That’s all. It’s something you think I would have known.”

“You are acting kinda weird,” Beau piped in, whispering low enough for his father only to hear. Tension filled his father’s body and the way that Negan was talking was the way he would talk when he was flustered or worried. “What’s going on dad?”

“These are your kids?” Y/N inquired trying to change the subject to take the attention off her and Negan in this moment. Of course they were his kids. They had dimples just like him and the boy looked like a younger version of Negan. Stepping forward, she extended her hand out before Beau and offered a weak smile. “It’s nice to meet you…”

“Beau,” Negan’s son accepted the gesture and shook her hand. “And you’re Y/N? We’ve heard a lot about you.”

“I assume not always the best things,” Y/N suggested, but Beau immediately shook his head, his hand still shaking hers.

“No, it’s always been good things,” Beau denied her negative thoughts and Beau wasn’t wrong. Negan wasn’t the kind of man to come home and vent to his children about the job that he wasn’t given. If anything, he talked about his projects and never went into detail about the things bothering him at work.

“I’m Erin!” Negan’s daughter immediately blurt out, her dimples sinking in when Y/N turned her attention to her. Y/N assumed that other than the dimples and the smile, Erin’s blonde hair and green eyes matched Negan’s late wife. Holding her hand out, Erin shook Y/N’s hand enthusiastically before burying her head against the side of Negan’s neck.

“I guess this is very awkward, isn’t it?” Maggie southern drawl brought all of the attention back to her. “I think we all have some catching up to do here.”

“Is now a good time to come out?” a voice interrupted them and it finally drew attention to the man that was slowly stepping out of the car. Maggie hadn’t expected someone to be there causing her to jump, slipping with her footing and the man caught her before she fell. Maggie clung to the jacket that the man was wearing and he let out a nervous laugh. “Sorry about that. I just, I didn’t know when I should come out and introduce myself.”

“It’s…okay,” Maggie’s head tipped to the side looking into the big brown eyes of the man clinging tightly to her. Once he made sure she was okay, he helped Maggie up into a standing position before stepping beside Y/N. His fingers hooked with Y/N’s and Negan shook his head.

“I’m Glenn,” Y/N’s fiancé held his hand up to wave and he was awkward. It was obvious that he wasn’t much of an outgoing personality. Glenn’s cheeks flushed over, his tanned flesh turning red while they all stood together in the group quiet. “I’m Y/N’s fiancé. I was told that people knew I was coming. I’m so sorry for interrupting whatever was going on.”

“No, of course!” Annette stepped forward to reach out to grab Y/N’s free hand. Tipping up, she pressed a kiss over the side of Y/N’s face and then hugged Glenn eagerly. “Y/N told me all about you. I’m so thankful that the two of you made it here. We were hoping you would.”

“It’s been a long time Y/N. You snagged yourself a cutie,” Beth interrupted moving in to introduce herself to Glenn and to give her sister another big hug. “I can’t wait to catch up. I need to have you tell me all about how you met this guy.”

“It’s not that big of a story,” Glenn chuckled shifting on his feet nervously before her family. Glenn was certainly uncomfortable and he showed it with everyone paying attention to him. Letting out a winded exhale, Glenn waved his hand about in the air. “Thank you for letting me be here with you on the holidays everyone.”

“Your face is red daddy,” Erin informed her father, stroking down over the side of Negan’s cheek. Trying to relax his expression, Negan knew that he likely had his face scrunched in jealousy and upset. Of course his face was red. He just found out the woman that he thought he connected and bonded with more than anyone since he lost Lucille was related to the woman that he was dating.

“I think it’s just the cold baby,” Negan tried to explain hearing Hershel grunt out and motion them forward.

“We’ll show you all to your rooms so you can get settled in,” Hershel urged them to follow him toward the large home. It was a charming, older home at the center of this land and Negan was sure it was beautiful on the inside, but it was so different from what he was used to.

“And then afterwards we can give you the tour of the farm,” Maggie moved in beside Negan to give him a small nudge. Giving her an unsure smile, Negan looked beyond her to see that Glenn was helping Y/N gather her things and he sighed. Shit, this whole weekend just got so much more complicated. All night, all Negan could think about was Y/N and now he was going to be forced to keep his feelings for her hidden.

Once inside, Hershel led the kids to their rooms first. Negan was surprised that they had a room for both Beau and Erin. Beau’s room had an old arcade game inside of it that immediately drew his son’s attention. Erin’s room had a lot of stuffed animals and toys that Negan assumed likely belonged to the girls when they were younger. Beau stayed with Erin to help her unpack while Hershel led them toward another room.

“I’m sure you know where your room is honey,” Hershel pointed to one of the doors that was closed and Maggie headed toward it. Going to follow Maggie, Negan heard Hershel clearing his throat to get Negan’s attention and Negan looked back over his shoulder. “Not in my house.”

“Sorry?” Negan was surprised to hear that comment from Hershel. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

“You’re still sticking to that? Why am I not surprised?” Y/N chuckled to herself, clinging to her things when Maggie stopped in front of her door to hold onto the handle. Disgust filled Y/N’s face and Negan clung to his things still unsure of what was happening. “We’re adults dad. I’ve lived with Glenn for months. You’re going to separate us into different rooms?”

“Daddy, come on,” Maggie pouted, pushing open the door and reaching for Negan, but Hershel immediately shook his head. “I’ve stayed at Negan’s place plenty of times. I have room for him to stay in there with me. I promise we’ll be on our best behavior.”

“Oh, you’ve had her over your home plenty of times?” Hershel repeated those words and suddenly Negan felt very singled out. His Adam’s apple bounced in this throat and he frowned. What the fuck was he supposed to say to that?

“I’ll just go and share a room with Beau. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor,” Negan suggested pointing back toward the rooms where his children would be staying. “I feel more comfortable being in the same area as my children anyways.”

“Your children will be perfectly safe. And don’t be silly Negan, you’re a grown man. You need a bed for yourself. With your important job, you’ll need your own space,” it felt like Hershel was almost mocking him and he waved Negan on. First Hershel showed Glenn to his room leaving Negan and Y/N as the last two people with him.

“I’m sure you remember where your room was? Unless you erased that from your memory too,” Hershel turned on his heel to stare out at his daughter.

“You mean you didn’t turn it into the junk room like you promised you would?” Y/N brought back tense memories that obviously happened between them when they were younger.

“Come on Negan,” Hershel waved Negan on, ignoring Y/N when she went for the room that was obviously hers in the past. When Hershel started to lead him toward some stairs, Negan let out a hesitant sound. “You’re going to be staying in the attic.”

“The what?” Negan followed Hershel up the stairs and into the attic. There was a big window that let in a large amount of light that was almost blinding. But he did notice once they were up there that there was a bed prepared. There were dressers, mirrors and things set up to make it feel homey, but at the end of the day…it was just an attic. With every second longer Negan spent with Hershel, he was noticing more and more that Hershel’s favorite was Maggie. Also Hershel was making it evident that he hated Negan for dating his daughter. “Are you sure we can’t just bring this bed down and put it in the room with Beau?”

“So neither one of you have enough room to move?” Hershel leaned against the wall, his eyes narrowing out at Negan. If looks could kill, Negan would be dead. It left Negan wondering what to say and really what to do. “Do you not enjoy the setup that we have done here for you?”

“It’s wonderful Hershel, but as a father, I’m sure you know how I feel wanting to be close to my children,” Negan reasoned with Maggie’s father, setting his things down on top of the bed and throwing his hands up in the air. “My children mean everything to me.”

“Which is why I picked this room for you. It’s right above the rooms that they will be staying in,” Hershel informed Negan, tapping his foot on the old wooden floorboards. “It’s spacious, you have your own space and you are right over your children.”

“I kind of feel like we started off on the wrong foot here Hershel,” Negan insisted rubbing his hands together. Stepping forward, he could tell by the look on Hershel’s face that he wasn’t going to change his opinion on him. “I very much like both of your daughters. One of them is my boss and the other has been in my life for about six months. I’d like to be able to get along with you sir because both Y/N and Maggie are important people in my life. And I think you’re important to them. So I’d really like it if you gave me a chance to prove myself to you.”

“Negan, I appreciate that you’re a good father,” Hershel looked down after Negan held his hand out in attempts to have them shake it out. “That’s something I admire about you. I see that your children love you. That, I will nod my head to. But the fact you’re dating Maggie is not something that I can accept. My daughter never wanted to be a city girl. She goes out there to test things out because of her sister and then she meets you. After she meets you, she decides that she wants to stay out there in New York City all alone. It just doesn’t sit right with me. A woman giving up her life for a man.”

“When I met Maggie sir, she was in an apartment of her own. She seemed very much moved in at that point,” Negan thought back to when he first met Maggie. Making it sound like Negan was the reason Maggie was in the city was kind of absurd. “I swear to you that I would never force your daughter into something that she didn’t want. I promise you that I didn’t soil your daughter.”

That was truthfully an understatement. Even when they had sex for the first time, it was Maggie that had dragged Negan back into the bathroom with her. Maggie seemed very comfortable with the idea of fucking a stranger she had just met and fought with. So it wasn’t like Negan got his claws into her and brought her to the dark side. Of course, he wasn’t about to tell her father that though. Her father thought Maggie was an angel and Negan was an evildoer that turned his daughter against him.

“I just want us to be okay,” Negan reasoned with Hershel, wanting nothing more than for things to be comfortable at least while he was here. Having the two women in his life having their father hate him was not something he wanted. “For Maggie. For my children.”

“I’ll be as friendly with you as possible Negan, but I don’t like you,” Hershel declared letting Negan know there wasn’t much of a chance between the two of them to lose the tension that was undoubtedly there. “Y/N might respect you. Maggie might be dating you. But I know the kind of man you are. And I just don’t see this whole thing working. I’ll see you downstairs.”

Lowering his hand, Negan huffed and shook his head when Hershel left him alone up in the attic. Walking around, Negan wondered what it was about him that made Hershel hate him immediately. Heading for the window, Negan stared out it to get a feeling for where he would be staying. At least the view was pretty enough. It would be a pain in the ass in the morning when he was sleeping with the sun rising, but he would have to just deal with it and find a way to make things work.

Maybe sometimes he would just sneak down to be with Erin at night because this was strange. Sure, it was quiet enough for him to work, but being alone in an attic while his children were downstairs left him feeling uncomfortable. He was separated from everyone. Even Glenn got his own room.

Instead of unpacking, Negan just headed downstairs to be with Beau and Erin. They were in the room that Beau would be staying in and they were both already at the old arcade game playing with it. They both seemed amused that he was staying in the attic, more so Beau because he understood that Negan was in hot water with Maggie’s father.

“Have you ever played something like this? This seems like it’s from your time period,” Beau glanced over at his father while in the middle of playing the game. It made Negan place his hand over his chest and let out a dramatic sound. “I’m just saying, it seems old.”

“And there it is, my boy calling me old,” Negan stood up from the bed that they had given Beau and moved in beside his children to look at the game. “See, I would play, but I’d just be so good at it that I would destroy your record…so…”

“Oh, yeah? Okay old man,” Beau teased his father hearing the snort that followed from Negan.

“I’m going to go check in with Maggie really quick. I’ll be right back,” Negan squeezed over Beau’s shoulder before peppering a quick kiss over Erin’s cheek and then going to the room they had left Maggie at. Knocking on the door, Negan heard Maggie call out to him to have him enter and Negan gave her a grimace when he snuck into her room. “Will I get shot for coming in here?”

“Depends on his mood,” Maggie half laughed motioning Negan into her bedroom as he closed the door behind him. Hopping onto Maggie’s bed, Negan grunted when he heard the squeak of a stuffed animal that he sat on. Digging underneath him, Negan lifted the stuffed animal out and wiggled it at Maggie noticing the color that flooded into her cheeks. “I know, I know.”

“So this was your room, huh?” Negan looked around the space taking in all the things that were there. Gazing from the posters on her walls, to the bookshelf and what was on her dressers Negan couldn’t help but snicker. “Did you sneak a lot of boys in here when you were younger?”

“Enough to give my daddy a heart attack,” Maggie set down what she was working on to sit on the bed with Negan. Extending her fingers out, she brushed them through Negan’s hair and led him to her lips in a lingering kiss.

“You should have warned me I was going to be a target coming in here,” Negan’s laugh vibrated against her bottom lip, leaning back enough to gaze over her. “Your dad hates me. Y’know he put me in the attic? While it’s a nice space, it’s still an attic with a lot of dust and you know I have really bad allergies.”

“Oh, you poor baby,” Maggie frowned brushing his hair back, leaning in to press a stronger kiss over Negan’s lips. It took a minute, but she giggled when she pulled away. “Did he really put you in the attic?”

“He sure fucking did,” Negan laid back against Maggie’s bed, looking up at the ceiling with a sigh. “Your family is intense.”

“We’re really not that bad,” Maggie suggested laying in beside Negan and placing her head on his shoulder. Hooking her fingers with Negan’s, she cuddled her head in closer to him and heard the snicker that followed.

“There are a lot of things to unravel here Maggie. You have a younger sister who is my boss and you had no idea she was my boss,” Negan pointed out with a huff, his mind still lingering on Y/N. “And your dad visibly hates her. You haven’t talked to her in years…”

“How did you know she was my younger sister?” Maggie wondered, lifting her head up to stare out at Negan with curiosity in her eyes.

“I’m pretty sure when you went to introduce us you said she was your younger sister,” Negan reasoned with Maggie and she shook her head. “Well, then it’s probably me putting two and two together. We talked about her family at one point and she mentioned being the middle child.”

“You talked about her family? About us?” Maggie lifted her head enough showing her surprise in knowing that her sister talked about their family to Negan. “I didn’t think your boss even liked you.”

“Yeah, well we had a heart-to-heart last night after finishing a project she had me working on all night,” Negan explained knowing that calling it a heart to heart may have been a good explanation for the first part of their time together, but there was also that other thing that they did together. That thing he wasn’t about to tell Maggie. Not when he was in the same house as her hostile father that would likely kill him if he found out he had an affair on Maggie.

“What did she tell you about us?” Maggie inquired, her eyebrow arching in curiosity and Negan didn’t know if talking about that would be right since it was the two of them bonding. “I can’t imagine it’s been good things since she’s been away from this family for so long. Things just got so difficult in the past with her and my dad.”

“Why did you stop talking to her?” Negan pushed knowing that he didn’t see Maggie as the type to turn her sister away. He wasn’t about to talk about the things that they went into last night. Especially not in depth. It was really none of Maggie’s business what they talked about.

“It’s complicated,” Maggie sat up enough to brace her weight while her fingers traced over the center of Negan’s chest. “Her and daddy had a fight. Y/N and I were always very close, she just had a really strong personality. We all loved her. I do love her. It just made it hard staying close to her when she left. Daddy got mad every time we mentioned her and then she moved away. I guess I just got used to her being gone.”

Maggie took her time to contemplate things letting out an extended sigh the longer she thought about things, “She’s actually the reason I finally took a chance on the city. I went out to New York because of her and I stayed because of the things she told me. She was always the more adventurous one. The real leader of the pack.”

“And you never tried to call her?” Negan was surprised to hear all of that, his hand reaching up to brush some of the hair that fell in her face away. It had Maggie reaching up with her other hand to caress over his. “You just don’t seem like that kind of person Maggie.”

“I think we both got lost,” she reasoned with Negan, her eyes shifting off in contemplation while her thumb caressed at Negan’s pulse point. “I need to talk to her again. Make things right. I know daddy was hard on her with things.”

“And you were…are…his favorite,” Negan noted lifting up enough so that he was close to her on the bed. “I think if anyone could have a good influence on your father to fix things for them, it’s you. The only thing she said about this family is that her father was really hard on her. I can see that. And that her older sister was his favorite. That’s clear as day. Especially in the way that man hates me.”

Both of them snickered when she pressed her head forward to rest it against his, “I’m sorry Negan. My father has some issues. With me caring about you, I would have hoped that he would have given you a chance. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Negan caressed his fingers over her jawline letting out a long sigh while he nuzzled his nose in against hers. It was sad because Negan really liked Maggie. They had a decent relationship, but he loved her more like a friend. So in a sense, he loved her, but it just didn’t feel like he was head over heels in love with her. “I do think you should try to fix things with your sister. She’s a good person. But I think she’s sad.”

“Sad? She’s the strongest person that I know,” Maggie tipped her head back enough, her lips parting when Negan swept his fingers in over her jawline. “I could never see her being sad.”

“I think she feels lonely,” Negan reasoned with Maggie, his head tipping from side to side while he thought about the night before. Sad understood sad. That’s what Negan tried to explained to Y/N last night. Maggie wasn’t sad, so it was harder for her to understand when someone was lost in themselves like both Negan and Y/N were.

“Why would she be lonely?” Maggie questioned and it made Negan sigh when her palm slid in over the side of his face. “She has an incredible job. If she’s your boss, that means she’s rolling in the dough. She’s engaged…she has the life a lot of people would want.”

“Sometimes…when you’re lonely…it doesn’t matter how good your life is in the eyes of others,” Negan thought back on his own life, his chest aching when he thought about the pain and anguish he had over being alone. “Sometimes when you are lonely, you make choices that don’t make sense to you because you never want to feel lonely again. Look at me. I have the two best kids I could ever ask for. An amazing job, a beautiful apartment in the city…but the loneliness, the sadness…it ate me alive for almost two years. And to this day…that darkness still engulfs me. I think it bothers her that she no longer has her family. She told me that her dad thought he was poisoning her sisters’ minds.”

“I can see how she thought that,” Maggie acknowledged, her thumb tracing over the side of his face through his short beard. “Why don’t you tell me that you feel that way Negan?”

“Because I try to hide it. I have two kids to keep happy. They don’t need to see that side of me. And you…you’re always smiling and happy,” Negan began shaking his head knowing that it probably wasn’t the best time to be telling Maggie these things. “Like you said, I should be happy. But I’m just not. And that scares me sometimes.”

It seemed like there was so much that Maggie wanted to say, but instead she moved forward to give Negan a hug. Something like that? That was the kind of affection Negan appreciated. Just having someone to talk to and hug him? A lot of the time, Negan didn’t think Maggie would be able to understand his feelings, but having her hug him like that was nice.

“I just want you to be happy Negan,” she whispered, pressing a loving kiss over Negan’s cheek, nuzzling her nose in against it. Pulling back enough, she dragged her thumb over Negan’s bottom lip which made him take in a long inhale. “No matter how angry you make me sometimes.”

“That happens a lot,” Negan joked with her, his nose wrinkling in amusement. Even though they did have a decent relationship, he could easily piss Maggie off and push her buttons. At least they were honest with each other about that. Closing his eyes, Negan felt Maggie pressing in closer to him. With her lips hovering over his, Negan hummed when she brought their lips together. Kissing her back, Negan’s fingers brushed into her hair, his fingers caressing over her scalp while she crawled in closer to him. Grunting, Negan felt her moving in over him, her hands cupping his face in her hands as her kisses grew in strength.

“Apparently dad is calling for us,” Y/N’s voice spoke up when the door pushed open and it made Maggie slightly pull away from Negan with a wet sound, her hands still cupping Negan’s face. Grunting, Negan could tell by the expression that flooded over Y/N’s face that she was upset catching them like that together. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt the two of you, dad just wants us to take the kids and the boys on the tour of everything.”

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute,” Maggie assured her sister with a half-smile, her finger sweeping over Negan’s jawline. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“Be careful with that,” Y/N circled her finger out toward them, her eyes locking with Negan’s. Noticing that Negan was breathing heavily, she wondered how far things would have gotten if she wouldn’t have walked in on the two of them. “You don’t want dad to bring the shotgun out.”

“Right,” Maggie snickered when Y/N closed the door behind her. Panic flooded Negan’s veins when Y/N left. Seeing that she looked upset bothered him. Then again, there was a mention of the shotgun and Negan deeply considered that.

“He really wouldn’t pull a shotgun out on me, would he?” Negan was hesitant in the way he laughed, but when he actually noticed that Maggie was contemplating that question, he felt his pulse leap. “Maggie? Would he?”

“It depends,” Maggie thought about the question and it put a look of fear in Negan’s features. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m gonna fucking worry about it,” Negan urged Maggie from over his hips to get her to sit down on the bed beside him. Getting up from the bed, he dragged his palm down over his face in a moment of tension. “That’s kind of a big deal Maggie. I don’t need your father shooting me dead with my children here.”

“He’s only pulled out the shotgun once before with one of my boyfriends when I was a teenager Negan,” Maggie reasoned with Negan hearing the worried sound that fell from Negan’s parted lips. “I’m an adult now Negan. My daddy wouldn’t do something like that.”

“I don’t know Maggie, by the way he’s acting toward me—I think he very much is capable of that,” Negan doubted what she was telling him. “I’m not going to get shot at on this trip, am I?”

“I think you’re going to be fine,” Maggie promised, stepping before Negan after getting off the bed. Caressing over the sides of his face was her attempt at calming him, but it wasn’t working. “Come on Negan, you shouldn’t worry about that kind of stuff.”

“After meeting your dad, yes. Yes, I fucking should,” Negan bickered with her more, but by the time that she was dragging him out in the hallway with her, he could see that the kids were outside talking to Maggie’s youngest sister who was showing them something.

“They are going to show us the horses,” Erin was excited to tell Negan about what was in their future when she turned away from Beth to run up before Negan. “I’ve never really been around horses daddy. Isn’t that exciting?”

“Of course it is baby girl,” Negan gave his daughter a wink, looking back when he heard the sound of a door opening. Seeing that it was Y/N heading out of her room, Negan lifted his finger up and motioned for them to go ahead without him. “I forgot something up in the attic. I’ll be right out. Okay? Watch the kids for me for a minute, would you Maggie?”

“You got it babe,” Maggie pat Negan on the chest before following Beau and Erin to the stairs.

Once they started heading down, Negan felt Y/N brushing past him to follow them. Before she could reach the stairs, Negan curled his fingers around her wrist to bring her to him. The nearest room for them was a bathroom and he pulled her in with him, closing the door behind him.

“What the hell?” Y/N gasped when Negan pushed her up against the door, his hazel eyes hooked on hers. Negan’s breathing was heavy, his lips parted while he stared down at her. “What the fuck are you doing Negan?”

“I’m sorry,” Negan apologized, his hands pulling from her shoulders and he rest his hands on his hips while he stood before her. “When you came into the room and saw Maggie with me like that…”

“Why are you apologizing to me because I walked in on you kissing your girlfriend Negan?” Y/N challenged, her eyebrows wrinkling in confusion. Throwing her hands up in the air, she sighed loudly and shifted before him. “I’m the one that is engaged to Glenn. I can’t get upset with you for being handsy with your girlfriend. I told you last night was just a high from the sex and confusion from the alcohol.”

“But it’s not,” Negan was adamant, shaking his head when she denied what they had last night. “All I’ve been able to think about since last night is you. I keep thinking about how you made me feel. Not just about the sex, but the connection that we have.”

“What connection Negan? You’re my sister’s boyfriend and you’re my co-worker. I’m your boss,” she reminded him, the hitch in her voice giving away that she was actually upset about everything. “This would have never worked in the first place. But now that you’re Maggie’s boyfriend? There is no fucking way Negan.”

“Why?” Negan frowned, attempting to reach out to touch her, but she grabbed his wrists and lowered them down.

“You know why Negan,” Y/N hesitated, her fingers squeezing slightly at his wrists. “There are so many reasons why none of this will work for us. We had a moment. We enjoyed each other very much, but it was a onetime thing. It can never happen again. You’re with Maggie. I’m with Glenn. We have to forget about it.”

“I don’t want to forget about it,” Negan pled with her, stepping forward to slam the door shut when she opened it to try to leave. Trapping her between him and the door, he took advantage of the small space that was there capturing her jaw between his thumb and index finger with his other fingers curling around the side of her neck. The warmth of his breath lingered over her lips drawing her eyes to fluttered to a close, her head tipping up toward him. “No, the chemistry between us is too strong Y/N. We both know it. We can’t pretend like it never happened.”

“Negan, please,” she whimpered right before his lips claimed hers. Placing her hand at the center of his chest, she could feel herself weakening at the knees with the way he was kissing her. Kissing him back was almost involuntary because her body knew even against better judgement that she loved kissing him. It felt good. Negan could sweep her off her feet with his kisses. And even though she tried to convince herself that it was a momentary lapse of bad judgement from being drunk, the response her body had to him kissing her was proving to her that wasn’t true. Purring out, she sank her fingers into Negan’s hair, her lips parting almost begging for him to reward her with the tender sweep of his tongue against hers. When he gave her what she asked for, he pressed his body against hers, his fingers growing tighter around the side of her neck. God she could get lost in this. Yet, it was the sound of movement outside the door that alerted her that she needed to stop this. Tearing her lips away from his was the hardest thing she could have done in that moment. Breathless, she knew that she needed to get her shit together. She was in her father’s home. Maggie was there and so were Negan’s children. They couldn’t do this shit. “This has to stop.”

“Wait,” Negan begged, but she pushed away from him and headed out of the bathroom. Trying to follow her, Negan got down the stairs with her. “Please, just wait.”

“Negan, enough,” Y/N didn’t stop or wait for them to even talk. Swiftly moving throughout the house, she pushed open the door and stopped immediately when she saw that her father had everyone with him standing at the steps. Her quick halt had Negan running into her and she gasped when he grabbed to make sure she didn’t fall. “You’re all just waiting here?”

“Well we couldn’t do a tour without the two of you, could we?” Hershel retorted with a huff waving them on. Swallowing down hard, Y/N managed to sneak away from Negan over to Glenn who was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt with a baseball jersey over it. He had a baseball cap on and Negan scoffed. Glenn didn’t even seem like Y/N’s type and he didn’t understand why she was with him. It’s not like he was a bad guy from what he could tell, it was just a strange pairing. “Let’s go Negan.”

“Yes sir,” Negan moved down the steps, reaching to grab Erin adjusting her so that he was giving her a piggyback ride while they moved across the yard. Standing between Beau and Maggie, Negan stole a glance over at Y/N noticing that she was looking at him while she walked hand in hand with Glenn. When their eyes connected, Y/N turned away and looked down at their feet.

“You’re going to love seeing Nelly. She was my horse,” Maggie tugged faintly at Erin’s jacket to get her attention. “If you want and it’s okay with your dad, I can probably take you on a ride. Would you like that?”

“Can I do that daddy?” Erin wondered making Negan look back over his shoulder at her. “I’ve never ridden a horse before.”

“You’re sure you’re capable of doing that with her and being safe?” Negan was worried knowing that with Maggie mentioning it, Erin wouldn’t be able to get it out of her mind. It’s just Negan was really uncomfortable with the idea of it.

“Maggie won a lot of awards when she was younger for horseback riding,” Beth’s voice called out from where she was walking beside Beau. “I think she will be okay.”

“I just worry,” Negan admitted trusting Maggie enough with his daughter, but horses were unpredictable. When Negan was younger, he would often visit the farm that his grandparents owned, but that was a long time ago. He always loved animals, but he knew that some animals when scared did things they didn’t always mean to. “If you think you can keep her safe, then I’ll trust you.”

“I can,” Maggie assured Negan with a half-smile while they headed over toward the stables on the property. Once the large doors opened, Negan stayed back and let out a long sigh knowing that this was the last thing he expected to be doing for Christmas this year. Touring a barn in the middle of nowhere. It was like he was back in his childhood days. “Nelly.”

Maggie was the first one into the barn heading over to the horse that was hers. It made Negan smile seeing the excitement that she had for it. It wasn’t normal for Maggie to have that kind of reaction to things and he was happy that she did have something that made her happy in some sense. Hershel followed her in and stepped in beside her reaching out to pet the muzzle of the horse.

“Come here,” Maggie waved Beau forward who seemed uneasy at first before joining them in petting the horse. Reaching for Erin, Maggie grabbed her from Negan and held Erin in front of Nelly to allow both Negan’s children to enjoy the moment.

“Do you have your own horse too?” Negan looked to Beth who was standing behind him and she immediately shook her head.

“No, we have a few horses here that I help take care of, but this one is Maggie’s and…” Beth moved around Negan to reach for Y/N’s hand pulling her sister down until they stopped in front of a stall. Seeing the horse seemed to have Y/N freeze up. “And this one is Y/N’s.”

“Dakota,” Y/N stepped forward to caress in over the horse’s mane. Seeing the horse appeared to have shocked her. “You kept him?”

“Of course I kept him,” Hershel grunted from where he was standing with Maggie and the children. “You may have abandoned him, but he didn’t deserve to be thrown away like the rest of us.”

Clearing his throat, Negan knew that he wanted to say something, but with how Hershel already felt about him it was best not to say anything at all. What came out of Hershel’s mouth hurt Y/N, there was no hiding the expression that flooded her features. Instead of staying where he was, Negan moved down the aisle to step in beside Y/N. With him next to her, she stole a quick look at him before Negan nodded toward Dakota.

“May I?” Negan asked for permission first to touch her horse. Once she gave him the okay, Negan flattened his palm out over the forehead of the horse that seemed to lean into the touch. “I take it you rode horses in the past too?”

“Yeah,” Y/N nodded and after Negan joined her, it felt like Glenn thought he had to as well moving in on the other side. “Dakota is my old man. We share a lot of memories together.”

“She gave up competitive horse riding, just like she did everything else,” Hershel piped in when he moved over toward them where they were at the stall. Y/N’s eyes closed tightly and she bit down on her bottom lip. Just by the way she was reacting Negan could tell she was doing everything she could not to fight with her father. Sliding his hand down, Negan’s fingers loosely hooked with hers to support her. It had her eyes lazily opening, her eyes connected with his and he gave her a weak smile. “Dakota was our most talented back then. Now, he just makes for a good pet. He’s too old to compete, but he sure is beautiful.”

“We’ve got Nelly, Dakota, Apollo, Lucky, Casper and Cinnamon,” Beth listed off the names of their horses, pushing her hands into her pockets when she let out a long sigh. “These are kind of our stars on the farm. We have other animals, but they are the ones people seem to be drawn to. We have chickens, hens, ducks, pigs…”

“We feed them every morning and evening so if you’re ever up and interested on this trip we will happily take the help,” Hershel informed them pacing the stables to check on all of the horses that were there. “We also have a barn on the property, but it’s really just used to store things. We have hay in there, food supplies. It’s not as interesting.”

“You want to go for a ride?” Negan heard Maggie ask Erin and he tensed up hearing it knowing that he agreed to it, but the idea of it made him nervous. Moving away from Y/N left it open for Glenn to whisper something to her as Negan went back to his children. Maggie noticed the worry in Negan’s eyes and she gave him a confident smile. “Trust me, everything is going to be okay.”

“You’re kind of holding my world in your hands, so…” Negan commented and it made Maggie smile as she handed Erin back over to Negan. Panic flooded his veins while Maggie got Nelly prepared to be ridden. Once Maggie had everything ready and they were standing outside, Maggie hopped up on the horse and reached for Erin. “You sure you don’t want to practice a little? By the sounds of things, it’s been a while since you’ve been on a horse.”

“It’s like riding a bike,” Maggie explained hearing Negan grumble when Erin reached her arms out to Maggie.

“A very unpredictable, living bike that can throw you off of them and break her,” Negan heard Beau choke and a laugh fell from his throat at his father’s worries. Once he handed Erin off to Maggie, he felt Beau’s hand pressing in over the center of his back trying to comfort him. “Please be safe.”

“I promise,” Maggie got Erin situated before starting to ride slowly across the plot of land.

“In this case, I trust Maggie,” Beau informed Negan while they watched the girls riding the horse. “I think she knows what she is doing dad.”

“It’s hard giving you kids away to other people and trust them to keep your lives safe,” Negan admitted to his son, his hazel eyes filled with worry. Clearing his throat uneasily, Negan saw that Y/N and Beth were both getting two other horses out to ride, but he was so stressfully focused on Maggie with Erin. “I love you both so much.”

“And we don’t doubt that,” Beau assured his father with a sigh hearing Hershel calling out to the both of them.

“You want to help me get these horses fed before the snow is supposed to start tonight?” Hershel asked of them and even though Negan wanted to watch to make sure that his daughter was safe, he agreed to do it. Beau was eager to help as well and Hershel had Glenn helping him too since all of the girls were out riding horses. “Beau, I’ll have you and Glenn go grab some of the grain from the back room I instructed Glenn to grab. Negan, there is a bucket that one of the horses kicked over in their stall that I need you to grab.”

“Sure,” Negan stepped before the stall that Hershel pointed at. Rubbing his hands together, Negan looked back at Hershel and shrugged. “Aren’t you going to grab the horse while I get the bucket?”

“Why would I do that?” Hershel folded his arms out in front of his chest. Letting out a hesitant sound, Negan stepped forward waiting for Hershel to open it for him. The horse remained still, but Negan paused thinking it over again. “Well go on son. I need to get this moving so the horse doesn’t get hurt.”

“I just kind of remember hearing something when I was a kid that you shouldn’t get behind a horse,” Negan explained to Hershel staring out at the larger horse knowing there wasn’t much room for him to move around it. “I think maybe you should get this guy out before I even attempt to grab it. My grandparents had a farm when I was younger and I just…”

“Forget it, I’ll just get Glenn to do it,” Hershel waved Negan off hearing him grunt under his breath before side stepping forward. Trying to move around the horse, Negan reached for the bucket to hear it jangle when he lifted it. It caused the horse to get uncomfortable, kicking its back legs out that Negan managed to avoid. Once the horse started jumping about, it had Negan scrambling to try to find a place for him not to get hurt. It ended up with Negan falling into the mud that was behind the horse face first, the horse running out of the stall and Hershel letting out a big belly laugh. “Well, you weren’t supposed to spook it son!”

“Dad?” Beau ran out to see that Negan was slowly pulling himself up from the mud. It was hard because Beau was worried, but at the same time amused to see that Negan was absolutely covered in mud. Instead of laughing, he tried to bite back on his amusement and stepped forward to help pull his dad up.

“Are you alright?” Glenn joined Negan in the stall, grabbing a hold of the other arm of him. Both Beau and Glenn were doing their best to avoid getting the mud on them that Negan was covered in. “What happened?”

“He spooked the horse,” Hershel explained to them, but Negan knew that he was set up from the start. He was lucky that he didn’t get killed from the horse trying to kick him.

“Daddy, why in the world was Apollo out…” Maggie came back after leading the horse that had run off back into the stalls. Once Maggie got a look at Negan, she turned on her heel and glared out at her father. “Daddy, what did you do?”

“What happened?” Y/N came back into the barn while Beth tended to their horses outside. All of them had headed back when they saw Apollo running free outside the barn. Erin moved in beside Y/N letting out a worried breath when she saw Negan.

“He had me grab a bucket and told me we didn’t need to move the horse for me to get it,” Negan claimed tossing the bucket out in front of Hershel who looked amused with his antics. “I almost died.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re fine,” Hershel blew off Negan’s words, but it immediately had both Maggie and Y/N infuriated with him. “Your boyfriend is being a little emotional right now because he’s embarrassed that he fell in mud and who knows what else.”

“This is just like you,” Y/N stormed around her father toward the back office to grab a towel for Negan. Moving forward, she tried to help him get some of the mud from his face hearing her father cackling in the back. “Negan never had a fucking chance with you. You know that Apollo gets antsy around people. Yet you did this anyways.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hershel threw his hands up in the air acting innocent with his actions. “We were just getting ready to feed the horses. You can ask Beau and Glenn. They will tell ya. There was a bucket in there that I didn’t want Apollo to get hurt on and Negan went to get it. It’s not my fault that he spooked the horse.”

“She’s not wrong daddy. You knew that Apollo would do exactly what he did. We’ve always known Apollo to be like this,” Maggie shamed her father, moving forward to reach for the towel that Y/N had knowing that Negan was her boyfriend and it should be her that was helping him. “You’ve been like this with all of my boyfriends. And this time it’s not right. Negan had Beau and Erin here. He’s a father and I won’t stand by this behavior. These pranks are dangerous and if you pull another one, we’re going to leave. I love you daddy and I want to be here, but this is the last time.”

“I see,” Hershel’s glare on Negan was extreme, if there was a chance that he would ever like Negan it went right out the window at that moment. With Maggie threatening him to leave, it sure as hell made Hershel hate Negan. Especially having his favorite daughter defending the man he just tried to potentially kill. Looking to his watch, Hershel huffed and shrugged his shoulders. Sucking on his bottom lip, Hershel pointed at the stalls and sighed. “We are supposed to meet your cousin at the restaurant we go to every year. We need to get these horses fed and head out.”

“You know, I don’t think I’m going to be able to go to any restaurants,” Negan called out from where he was standing knowing that he was soaked in mud. “I think the only thing calling out to me right now is a shower. Maggie, do you mind watching over Beau and Erin at dinner?”

“Of course baby,” Maggie went to touch him, but then thought it over for a second with how dirty he was. “I’ll get you a meal and bring it home.”

“You might want to hose him down first before he goes in the house. We don’t need him trekking that mud throughout the whole house,” Hershel blew off the idea of Negan, not a care in the world that he almost just killed Negan.

More than anything Negan wanted to rip into this man. For what he had done to him. For his nasty comments toward Y/N, but Negan kept his mouth shut. This was the first day and he was going to be stuck in the same home with this man for a while.

“I’ll help you dad,” Beau led Negan toward the hose he had seen in the back with Glenn when they had grabbed the grain that Hershel had asked them too. When they were alone, Beau nodded back toward Maggie who was getting help from Glenn getting Apollo back in the stall. “I know you like Maggie, but are you starting to think now about how you should probably let this romance go?”

“Beau, I don’t even know what to say right now,” Negan grumbled under his breath splashing some water in his face and getting his clothes clean from the mud. “I had no idea her dad was a psychopath.”

“It just looks like you’re dating the wrong daughter,” Beau suggested and it immediately made Negan lift his head up to stare out at Beau. “I mean, he’s not trying to kill Glenn. You should be dating Y/N because at least if you were dating her, you’d be safe.”

Beau was trying to joke with Negan, but he had no idea how Negan actually felt about her so it made the conversation awkward.

“I remember grandpa giving you a hard time, but this guy…” Beau shook his head when he stole another look back at Hershel. “He’s got issues.”

“Understatement of the year,” Negan noticed that Erin was walking out to them to check on him. Offering up a big cheesy smile had Erin giggling. “Daddy is just going to take a shower. You be good for your brother and Maggie, okay?”

“Of course daddy,” she tipped up on her toes to press a kiss over the side of Negan’s cheek when he leaned down. “I’ll wait until you are dry for the hugs.”

“Good choice baby girl,” Negan winked at his daughter, said his goodbyes to everyone once he was ready to head into the house with the towels they had given him to dry himself off. To the best of his ability at least. He was careful not the mess the house when he made his way to the second level bathroom where he was earlier with Y/N. At this point, he was just thankful to have a break from the whole Greene family.

A hot shower gave him time to think things out. Maybe it was just best to avoid Hershel this whole trip. Bury himself in his work at every chance and just stick to his children. It may have been the only way for him to stay alive and not get himself killed. It took a while for the water to get hot before Negan hopped into the shower. This was nothing like his home and his modern shower that he had. It was old fashioned to the core and it brought back old memories for Negan.

After his shower, Negan got dressed and draped the towel over his shoulders. He figured he would just work for a while until everyone got back home. At least in the attic he would have his own space and be safe from getting hurt. Heading up the stairs to the attic, he let out a surprised breath when he saw that Christmas lights were now lighting up the space. It made his heart skip a beat when he saw that someone was hanging them up. Dropping his head, Negan closed his eyes when he thought back to his past when Lucille would do the same kind of thing. Pinching his nose, he cussed to himself hating that a memory from his past hit him so hard.

“Are you okay?” Y/N’s voice called out to him making Negan lower his hand to stare out at her from where she was standing on a chair stringing up some lights. “I heard that my dad put you up here and I thought…I would just make it homier. So it feels more like a holiday for you.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Negan insisted, going to put his dirty clothes in a bag so that way things were still clean. Actually, Negan was impressed. She got out a lot of things while he was in the shower. There was a faux tree in the corner of the attic with light strung up that she was finishing. “What are you doing here? I thought everyone was going out to dinner.”

“Yeah, well…I told them I got a call from work and that I wouldn’t be able to go with them,” she explained to Negan as he stepped in beside her and attempted to help her with what she was finishing up. “I lied. But I told Glenn to go with them, so it’s just us here.”

“Oh?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity while she outstretched just far enough to let out a tense breath. Placing his hand over the small of her back, Negan made sure that she was safe before she returned to a flat-footed position.

“I wanted to check in on you and help with this…” she threw her hands up to look around the place that her father had thrown Negan for the time that they were there. “Thankfully my father is predictable and keeps the decorations in the same place he did when I was a kid so this was easy to do. All we need is a few stockings and some decorations on the tree. The tree already had lights in it so we don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah?” Negan mused, finding himself curious with the way that she was. This was something he would have found Lucille doing in his past, so the fact this is what she was doing enamored him. “This is nice.”

“I hope it makes you feel more comfortable,” she finished with the lights, grabbing Negan’s hand when he helped her down from the chair. Stumbling, she fell in against Negan’s chest and his hazel eyes narrowed down at her. “It’s the least I could do with what my father did.”

“He’s crazy,” Negan noted without even thinking about it. There was no fucking around. Hershel hated him and it was clear as day. “He tried killing me today with that horse.”

“I told you my dad was something else,” she reminded him, patting him on the center of the chest when she pushed herself into a standing position before him. “I don’t know why I bothered coming here. It was stupid to begin with. The only thing it did was fuck everything up more.”

“I know you’re upset you saw me kissing Maggie,” Negan frowned folding his arms in front of his chest noticing that she was having a hard time looking at him. “I told you, I’m not in love with Maggie. What I said about my girlfriend was true. It doesn’t change things now that it’s Maggie.”

“Negan, it changes everything,” she shook her head moving around him to start putting some of the decorations on the tree. “Maggie is my sister. They can’t find out that I had sex with her boyfriend. I told you that Maggie was my dad’s favorite. If it comes out, my dad will try to kill you and who knows what he will do to me.”

“You’re worth the worry,” Negan claimed grabbing a few of the decorations to help her put them on the tree that she put out for him. “I don’t care if Maggie is your sister. I know how I feel about you. I love Maggie, but I love Maggie in a way that someone loves one of their best friends. I’m not in love with Maggie. We don’t have that spark that I’ve been missing. The spark that you and I have...”

“You’re making this complicated Negan,” she reasoned with him, trying to focus on the tree and less on him. “You’re with my sister. You’re dating my perfect, loved, popular older sister. And there is nothing we can do to change that. It’s best we pretend that what happened the other day is nothing but a dream between us.”

“I don’t want to pretend,” Negan hushed her, grabbing her and forcing her to look at him. “Y/N, what we felt the other night, it was incredible. The sex was great, sure, but what we felt…how alike we are. When I see you, you remind me of everything I loved in the past.”

“We can’t talk like this Negan,” she declared only to feel his hands grabbing a hold of hers leading her toward the bed to sit down on it. “Negan?”

“Just talk things out with me for a minute,” Negan begged of her, his thumbs stroking in over the back of her hands. By the look over her face, he knew that she was trying to avoid this stuff, but he needed to talk to her. “First of all, Glenn is cute and everything, but that guy seems way too boring for you.”

“Glenn is cute?” she repeated what he said, her eyebrows bouncing up in amusement. “The reason you think he is boring is because you’re…you.”

“He barely talks and anytime someone looks at him, he blushes,” Negan thought back to her fiancé and he shook his head. “Come on Y/N. You’re a ball busting bad ass that grabs men by the balls and makes them do whatever she wants whenever she wants.”

Instead of saying anything, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. He knew with her being here that her ego would be smaller and he hated that for her. Especially with how her father treated her about things.

“What did you and your father fight about?” Negan pondered the thing that he had heard mentioned several times. “The thing that made you stop talking.”

“They all stopped talking to me after that,” Y/N alerted Negan with a half laugh, but he knew that it hurt her. It didn’t make her feel good to think about it. A sense of shock flooded her veins when Negan’s fingers hooked with hers, his eyebrows furrowing in the hopes of understanding how she felt. Holding her hand like that was his way of showing support and he could tell that it took some coaching inside of herself to open up to Negan. “I was leaving for college. He wanted me to stay out here. Run the farm like the rest of the family. I didn’t want that. I loved art, my father thought it was a useless talent. I got accepted to an art school in the city and it was everything I wanted, but he didn’t give me his approval. Told me if I went out there, I would be out on my own. He’d never help me. I told him that he cared more about his life and what he wanted for his family than what his family actually wanted. I told him he was holding his family back and he’d never let them truly live. He told me if I left, he was going to get rid of my horse, my things and never speak to me again. He did one of the three. If it was up to him, I wouldn’t be here right now. It was Beth and Annette that reached out to me.”

“That’s rough,” Negan sighed, his thumb sweeping over the back of her hand while he held onto it. “Your parents should always push the best for you. They should want you to achieve your dreams. Not live the dreams that they wanted.”

“Sounds like from our conversation you know exactly what it was like with your father,” she reasoned with Negan who snorted and shook his head.

“My father wanted me to be a ball player more than anything. Bragging rights to his friends really,” Negan thought back to when he was younger and he simply shrugged his shoulders. “But I got hurt and after that he really didn’t give a shit.”

“Your dad and my dad are such assholes,” she suggested dropping back on the bed that was Negan’s with a sigh. Carefully moving in beside her, Negan laid with her and gazed over at her with his big eyes. Still even laying down they were holding hands and it was strange how comfortable she found herself with Negan. “I should have just kept giving you shit last night. Told you what a piece of shit you are. Instead of kissing you like I did.”

“I am a piece of shit still,” Negan snickered, his eyebrows bouncing up in amusement when she tipped her head to connect her eyes with his. “Just because you like me doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. I like you too. What happened between us, it was meant to happen. I wish you could see that.”

“Your son and daughter are beautiful,” she complimented him knowing that she hadn’t really focused on that bit. It was easier to bring up his children instead of concentrating on what he was saying between them. “Your son looks exactly like you. And your daughter has the dimples and the smile. You can tell they are your children. It’s cute.”

“Yeah, they are pretty cute. It’s how they get away with everything,” Negan responded showing that he was genuinely happy talking about his children. “Thankfully for Erin she got most of her mama’s looks. Beau, he’s awesome. Good at everything. Amazing artist. Better than I ever was at his age, but I think this whole Christmas thing is effecting him more than anyone without his mom. His mom and him were really close. So this time of the year is rough for him. He does his best, but…”

“He’s still human,” she noted giving Negan time to think about it before exhaling loudly and nodding. “They are lucky to have you. You can tell you love them. It’s sweet. Do they like Maggie?”

“Yes…and no,” Negan laughed out loud remembering what his kids were like last night. “Maggie is very…uptight. And their mother wasn’t. So they like her, but they don’t. If that makes sense.”

“It does,” she found herself leaning her head in closer to Negan’s while they laid there. “My sister is bubbly, friendly, but she needs to be in control of everything. It all has to be perfect and precise. And while I understand that, there needs to be wiggle room for more.”

“Maybe…maybe we can just run away with the kids?” Negan stammered, his words coming out in a stutter. The suggestion alone made her scoff thinking it was a joke. “I can break up with Maggie, you can let Glenn go and I’ll just take you back to my apartment. We can decorate the thing. It could use your touch and the kids would like it. What you even did with this room in the time that you had is incredible.”

“Knock it off,” she poked Negan in the ribs. The idea sounded ridiculous, but running away from here didn’t sound all that bad. Especially if it was with Negan.

“Are you less interested in me because I have children?” Negan wondered interested in finding out why she didn’t want to be with him now.

“If anything, I’m more interested in you for being a father. It’s sexy seeing how much you love your kids and the way there is a glimmer in your eye just talking about them,” she confessed stroking her fingers over the center of Negan’s palm. “You know why I can’t run away with you. It was wrong before, it’s worse now that you are with Maggie. They already hate me as it is.”

“Maggie doesn’t hate you, Maggie just is her father’s puppet,” Negan corrected with a scoff knowing how capable people were of persuading their children to think one way or another. “But if that’s how you feel, then what do you care what they think if we get together?”

“You don’t want that Negan,” she went to ramble on until Negan’s fingers were curling underneath her chin to urge her jaw up. Brushing his lips over hers, Negan made the gesture soft and sweet. After all the stress of today it felt nice and she found herself getting more comfortable against him. “You make it hard to focus when you kiss me.”

“You like kissing me,” Negan snickered against her flesh, nibbling at her bottom lip. Teasing the tip of his tongue over her lips had her lips parting, her head arching up with her fingers curling around his neck. Brushing his tongue in against hers, Negan groaned out when her fingers sank into his dark hair. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since last night. I know what I want.”

“You don’t. It’s just like a drug Negan,” she tried to hush him hating how easily she was falling back into all of this. With Negan’s palm caressing up over the lengths of her abdomen and toward her breast, she purred when he cupped it tenderly. “You had a taste once and you think you need more of it.”

“I don’t think, I know,” he growled against her lips, nipping faintly at her flesh. Kissing down over her jawline and toward her neck, Negan couldn’t help himself. Even though they were alone in her family’s home, that didn’t affect him. “I want you more than you could ever begin to understand.”

“Negan,” she grabbed a hold of his wrist attempting to get him to pull his grasp from her. “You’ve slept with Maggie.”

“I’m pretty sure Maggie has slept with a lot of people,” Negan commented, his eyelids heavy and his eyes filled with want for the woman he had in his arms. “You shouldn’t feel bad for the way that things are. Yeah, the world has a fucked-up way of making these things work, but we both knew last night that what we wanted wasn’t Glenn or Maggie.”

“Last night we were drunk,” she was doing her best to contain herself with the warmth of Negan’s breath over her lips. Getting drunk on Negan’s kisses was something she longed for and she wasn’t holding him off very well. “We were saying things.”

“But they were all true,” Negan huffed, his lips claiming hers again drawing her to turn in closer to him. “I haven’t had a fire inside of my heart like I do when I’m with you in a very long time. And I know you feel it too.”

“I have been such a bitch to you over the last few months and suddenly you are smitten with me?” she pulled her lips from his, her hand placing in over the center of his chest trying to talk some sense into the both of them. “Yes, you are incredibly sexy and I find myself drawn to you, but I’m your boss. I took advantage of you last night…”

“I don’t care if you are my boss. I like when someone is feisty. I’ve always been attracted to people in power,” Negan reached for her hand, bringing it up to his mouth to deposit a kiss over the center of her palm. Shuddering, her eyes fluttered to a close when he started pressing his kisses down over her pulse point. “I promise I’m a good boy. I will be able to do my work and still be endlessly yours after work.”

“Fuck…” she whimpered with his tongue flicking out over her flesh drawing chills to flood her body. “Negan, this is wrong…good people don’t do this. Nice people don’t do this.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been accused of being good Y/N,” Negan rumbled, his lips hovering back over hers again when he pressed his body in closer to hers. Warmth radiated from his body beside her and she felt a chill flooding her spine. “But for you…I’ll be whatever you want me to be. I just want to be yours so incredibly fucking bad.”

“But Maggie…” she whined with Negan’s lips skimming in over hers. Guilt did eat away at her with how much she found herself wanting to be near and around her sister’s boyfriend. Palming down the lengths of her body, Negan hooked his arm around her leg and drew her closer to him to hook it around his hip. “I can tell she likes you.”

“Maggie will survive. Glenn too,” Negan assured her, his fingers sliding up underneath her shirt. Once his rough fingertips collided with the warmth of her flesh, it had her raising up toward him wanting so badly to feel it. “But I won’t if I can’t be with you.”

“That’s dramatic,” she purred, her fingers dragging down over his chest reaching between them. Lowering her hand just enough, she palmed over the front of Negan’s pants making him pull his head back enough to look down at her touching him. His lips were parted, his pupils dilated and breathing heavy.

“I’m a dramatic kinda guy,” Negan smirked, his eyes connecting with hers. Nodding his head, he could see both the amusement and desire that she had for him. “If I can’t be with you, I’ll just fucking die. And then what? You’ll take me away from my kids. You don’t wanna do that to them, do you?”

“Way to make me feel guilty,” she snickered, her fingers working with the belt of Negan’s jeans while she adjusted him so that he was laying on his back. Crawling in closer to him, she got his pants open but kept her eyes locked with his. “You’re crazy.”

“I know,” Negan agreed with her, his hips arching up when she pulled down the zipper in his jeans. “It’s a bit of a problem really.”

“Oh?” her eyebrow arched drawing his smile to grow bigger and he nodded. “Maybe you’re too much trouble for my liking.”

“No, I’m the perfect kind of trouble. I’ll be as good or as bad as you want me to be,” Negan slurred, his breathing growing harder when she pushed his shirt up toward the center of his chest. Wincing, Negan enjoyed the way she kissed over the center of his abdomen, up toward his chest before circling her tongue around his nipple. Having her sucking and then faintly nipping at the flesh had his raspy moan filling the attic. “I think we both know that we want this…”

“You promise to be good for me?” her fingers traced shapes over his abdomen before sinking beneath the material of his boxer briefs. Once her fingertips connected with the root to his masculinity, it had his hips arching up toward the warmth of her touch.

“I do,” Negan nodded his head eagerly, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip when her fingers curled around his body to test the flesh in her grasp. “I want to be yours. Endlessly fucking yours. Please.”

“I pinned you to be a dominant alpha male Negan. But you’re acting so submissive,” she pointed out placing her leg over his to almost pin him down. Separating the material of his pants, she helped pull his cock out of the tight confines they were prisoned behind while she stroked over his distended flesh. “Look at you.”

“I’m both. Whatever the moment calls for,” Negan whispered, his dimples sinking in and the vein at the side of his neck becoming more prominent when he lifted his head to watch her touching him in tender sweeps that had him growing harder with every movement. “If you take a chance on me, you will see.”

“It does sound appealing,” she kissed down over his jawline enjoying the sounds that Negan was making. It didn’t take long for him to be completely solid in her grasp and she enjoyed the way he felt in her palm. “I do want to see where things are capable of going with the two of us Negan. I just need you to be a good boy and keep this hidden for just a little while longer. Can you do that? Just while we’re here?”

“What do you mean hidden?” Negan moaned while she pumped his length in her hand, her fingers firmly grasping to his flesh.

“I just mean we can’t tell Glenn or my family about this yet. I need this time with my family, but I know I want to spend time with you too,” she informed him having his hips arching up toward her caress while she jerked him off. Whining out, Negan felt her fingers releasing him but then he watched her lick at her fingertips before wrapping them back around his flesh. “Once this whole trip is over, then maybe we can put things into motion.”

“I can’t hide the way I feel about you,” Negan panted lifting his head up to watch her jerking him off. Behind his long eyelashes, his eyes were desperate and his moans were loud. It was exactly the kind of thing she wanted to hear and listen to from him.

“I’m not asking you to hide it when it’s just the two of us, but around my family I need you to be careful,” she instructed pampering his lips with wet kisses as she continued to pleasure him. “I just think this is something I need to do with my family in order to fix me. But I want to be with you too. We just can’t officially do that yet.”

“Okay,” Negan panted, his eyebrows tensing and the lines in his forehead growing with how she was jerking him off. “If this is what you need, I will do fucking anything for you.”

“It’s surprising how perfect you actually are,” she slurred against his lips hearing his grunts growing louder. “You really are my good boy, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Negan nodded his head, licking his lips when he felt his abdomen tensing up. Growling out, Negan nuzzled his nose in against the side of her neck when the first line of his cum shot out from the tip. Moaning against her flesh had her mewling out while she continued her caress over his cock milking him of his release. Thick ropes of cum covered his lower abdomen and chest while she continued to jerk him off. Once she released his member, he felt his heart hammering inside of his chest with his throat going dry. “Shit.”

Cuddling her head in against his shoulder, she looked up at the roof of the attic and sighed, “I never saw myself as the cheating type, yet…here I am. Having an affair with the man I thought I was supposed to hate. The man dating my sister,” she frowned caressing over his abdomen, her fingers teasing through the mess of his release. “I have to be crazy after all.”

“Or maybe you just found the thing that you finally needed,” Negan suggested, his finger curling underneath her jawline to get her to look up at him. “Maybe we just found the thing that was missing this whole time. Each other.”

----

Tags: @slutlanna976 @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl2 @xsarcasticwriterx @haleygreen23 @xhannahbananax03 @sanctuaryforthelost @burningredaffair @killaweiser @dead-of-niight @ayumi-wolf @hollyismentallyillhelp @promiscuousbarnes @tone-stark @lanadelnegan @flippittygibbitts @stickyhuesos

#Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Negan #Negan fanfiction #negan x reader #The Walking Dead #twd fanfiction #negan x you #negan smut #Negan smith

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maochira · 1 year

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Noa, Chris and Lavinho becoming your father figure

Basically, you're part of a team of younger players for Bastard München/Manshine City/FC Barcha, your coach gets sick/injured so Noa/Chris/Lavinho become your coach for a while (separate headcanons for each character btw)

Tags: gn!reader, hurt/comfort(?), implied child neglect by reader's parents/father or them not having a father figure in their life, reader is a teenager

This was requested by this anon and lucky you I thought about a scenario like this for my Blue Lock OC and Noa a lot last week, so I already had stuff for this in my silly little brain. Also this is probably my favourite thing I've written for this blog so far!!

Requests are open!

Series masterlist

Noel Noa

-you were quite excited when you heard Noa would be your coach for a while

-and to your surprise, he was very impressed with your skill, so one day after training he asks you to stay longer to talk to you

-he didn't intend it to go like this, but your conversation ends up going a little deeper and you reveal stuff about your home life to him and let's just say Noa,,,, some sort of fatherly instinct kicks in very quickly

-he already acts a bit like a father figure to the entire team during training, but man, hearing about your home situation just makes him feel more fatherly about you

-after talking to you, he can't stop thinking about that conversation. He has a hard time falling asleep that night

-after that, he starts treating you as if you were his own child. He always asks if you ate enough that day, and in case you didn't, he's already prepared because guess what? He got some food for you

-during training, he treats you exactly like the rest of the team. But before practice, during breaks and after training? He's so fatherly towards you, some of your teammates started asking if you're related

-at first, it's a bit confusing for you, but you quickly start seeing him as more of a father figure as well

-when your usual coach recovers and returns, Noa stays in contact with you. He knows the times when you're at practice, so whenever he has the time, he will stop by to ask how you're doing

-if it rains, he will INSIST on driving you home. In no circumstance will he let you walk home/to the bus or train stop in the rain. He'd be way too worried about you getting sick

-also, he gave you his phone number and made it very clear that no matter for what, you can call him at any time

Chris Prince

-he's super excited when he gets to be your team's coach and wants to get to know every member, so during your first practice with him he lets the entire team play minigames and takes aside one player to talk to them a bit

-you're the last one to talk to him, and you actually talk so much, practice is already over but you stay because talking to him is so much fun and it's the most comfortable you've felt in a while

-but the lighthearted tone of the conversation changes immediately when you mention your home situation. You stay in your lighthearted tone because honestly, you're not that concerned about it. You're doing well, considering your circumstances. But Chris changes to a more serious tone, while you attempt to keep everything lighthearted

-and because of this, Chris gets so fatherly towards you. Like Noa, he doesn't treat you any differently from the rest of your team during training, but whenever he gets the chance to talk to you, you just notice he acts like a father would

-he's upset when he finds out your usual coach has recovered so he soon wouldn't be your coach anymore

-even when he's not your coach anymore, he comes to almost every single match of your team. And whenever you're not on the field, he will passive-aggressively ask your coach why he benched you. No matter what the answer is, he will insist that you should be playing because he genuinely thinks you're one of the best players in your team

-you have each other's phone numbers, so every now and then he texts you and asks how your day or week has been, if everything is okay at home and if you need his help with anything

Lavinho

-he's literally a huge bundle of joy when he's asked to temporarily be the coach of your team

-always joking and messing around with you and your teammates

-one day, when he walks past your team's locker room, he overhears you venting about something from your home life. He knows he shouldn't, but he stays to listen for a minute or two

-and then the realisation hits him. He notices how neither of your parents ever came to drive you to training, pick you up after it, or even watch your matches. No one ever came.

-he waits at the exit for you to leave the building, and when you do he asks to talk to you

-you're so nervous. You've never seen Lavinho as serious as this, so automatically you think you've done something wrong or you're gonna be benched for the next match

-but to your surprise, he admits he heard you venting to your teammates. He apologises for listening and explains he's concerned about you

-he tells you how it's okay if you don't want to tell him more than what he's heard already, but he really wants you to know that because he's your coach for the time being, he'll also be a safe person to talk to about anything

-you really appreciate his concern and offer, but you plan to keep your home life away from your soccer life as much as possible

-well, at first you do. As time passes on, you find yourself asking Lavinho to talk after practices more and more often

-he very soon becomes a father figure to you, and he treats you as if you were his child

-also stays in contact with you after your usual coach returns, he really tries to come to every match you play in and cheers for you the loudest

-he probably gets happy tears in his eyes every time you score a goal

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tubbytarchia · 5 days

Text

Jimmy EVO thoughts

This is a loooong thread of summarized thoughts (cough 5500 words) of Jimmy in Evo, though mostly his and Martyn's Property Police relationship and how it leads into future treatment of Jimmy, as well as general Jimmy character analysis. Plus some Netty thoughts and such in relation to Jimmy too

Obligatory: I talk about characters only

The following is separated into categories, somewhat, but 90% of that is property police related... Netty and misc thoughts are down below

Shoutout once again to my friend for pointing out some stuff I missed or better than I could

(Martyn's self portrait. Idk felt appropriate)

1. Jimmy and Martyn (Property police) thoughts

Jimmy and Martyn overall are pretty cute and supportive and protective of one another but there are many many instances that Martyn unfairly scolds and plays him down. But then he'll turn around and show some form of care towards Jimmy which leaves me feeling conflicted. The way Martyn treats Jimmy here pretty effortlessly leads into Jimmy's further mistreatment in future SMPs imo

I'm gonna start off with a lot of negative aspects to the Property Police dynamic but trust me ok I've noted down all the cool and nice things too at a later point. As I said they're overall cute and nice!!! There's just a lot... to note... (I'm a big solidwood fan ok. sobs)

1.1 Martyn's caretaker role and the "chief"

All throughout, Martyn keeps bringing up this made-up character "chief" who they speak of as both a sort of boogeyman as well as a parental figure (Jimmy later says the chief is his father)? Like Jimmy causes trouble and Martyn goes "ahh I'm gonna have to tell the chief about this" to which Jimmy tries to plead his case. Or Martyn would express needing the chief to weigh in on whether Jimmy's doing a good enough job as Property Police. This makes sense though given Martyn's self-assigned caretaker role

Martyn largely acts like he needs to be taking care of Jimmy and doesn't trust him when he's alone (will be talked about in depth at the next point) and makes up this police chief character to spook Jimmy but also to, again, serve as some kind of replication of a parental figure... Jimmy himself talks about the chief that way too, saying stuff like "the chief told me to be careful"

There's some kind of pride essential to Martyn that he gets from taking on some kind of provider role, and/or it might be essential to him being able to show affection, at least at this point in time and at least towards Jimmy

Martyn likes to feel depended on and Jimmy does make it feel that way. He's constantly considering Martyn, following him around, supporting him. When he's not there, he frequently talks about him, how he's not here today but will be another time, how he's taking a break, how they'll be doing stuff together later... How they both agree that Jimmy doesn't fare well on his own (and how Jimmy and other people in Jimmy's life will hold onto this belief)

In one episode they're both finding these vacation apartments to buy? and Jimmy goes "can we be next to each other though? I'll miss you too much if we don't" :(

At some point Netty's appalled by how poor Jimmy is so he and Martyn make plans to mine together, and they decide to mine in different directions only for Jimmy to go back to Martyn anyway

I'm so sorry to be a weeb and use a screenshot from Free! of all things but this is Martyn and Jimmy. I don't make the rules

There's also a moment where Jimmy says "I think I might need you" to which Martyn goes "is this you confessing your love to me?" and then they do this bit where they act out the chief talking to them "you can love who you want to love. As long as you do your job right". So basically the chief is validating gay marriage. Awesome

Anyway, Jimmy at several points gets told off by Martyn because he's "fine" and doesn't need Jimmy following him around but what else is he gonna do… you cant just leave him on the street like a lost puppy…

At one point in the SMP, they all get together to take on the ender dragon (after which Grian left). Unfortunately, they don't end up in one End dimension and instead, they all have to fight the Enderdragon by themselves. Jimmy does fantastic. He's very focused and gets it done in spite of a few struggles. He even says "those endermen made me so angry. I haven't been so angry in awhile" when it really didn't show that he was THAT angry when a bunch of them piled on him. He stayed focused and finished the job... Sigh. He can be so confident and competent and good, if only he didn't get played down so frequently just for often getting excited and tunnel visioned easily...

It's implied that the others thought he was gone for good when Jimmy finally made it back to the overworld after some... bliss in the great void? Of course he starts asking himself about Martyn and expressing hope that Martyn's alive. He and Martyn eventually communicate here and there but still don't meet up for awhile longer. Jimmy for this time period is surviving pretty much independently, and even when Martyn starts turning up in his episodes more again, there's much less of Jimmy following Martyn around like he used to, and I think Martyn took note. It feels like he took note that Jimmy no longer depended on him and kinda fucked off a little bit. This would carry over to stuff like 3L as reasoning for why Martyn acted the way he did towards Jimmy? Evidently caring about him yet pushing him away, even after Jimmy asked to join him, even after Martyn himself told Jimmy that he thought Scott was using him

(Headcanony here, but I still jive with the idea that there was some kind of watcher/listener/Evo members confrontation at the end that forced that world to come to an end, from which Jimmy and Pearl were spared as they went on to quickly be part of new worlds unlike the others. And then some of them eventually returning like Martyn, but not Netty, and the idea that Martyn now holds some kind of resentment towards Jimmy for not having gone through that and never being able to understand how Martyn feels, in spite of still caring about Jimmy, having wanted to spare him from whatever went down to begin with. This, combined with him seeing Jimmy become more independent, when Jimmy was always waiting for him and wanted to make him proud for surviving on his own, and missed and needed him even if Martyn doesn't think so. This will be reinforced at later points here too)

1.2 Martyn's lack of trust in Jimmy and Jimmy's self-deprecation

Apparently whenever Jimmy's on the server without Martyn, he just becomes a troublemaker and Martyn goes "I don't trust you half the time", granted, lightheartedly, but this notion will keep being repeated. His first reaction to the property police being faulted for anything, or Jimmy being hesitant with telling him something, is to assume and accuse Jimmy of messing something up. Eg when there is a scene resembling a protest built outside their base, Jimmy questions what they've done to be opposed, to which Martyn goes "What have YOU done?". This leads to/deepens Jimmy's need to prove himself to be good and competent, and his hesitancy to let Martyn know/fear of Martyn finding out when he's messed something up

Jimmy gets himself utterly blown up by Grian's prank, Martyn's not there so he goes "guys, you cannot tell Morty (Martyn), he will kill me". He sounds genuinely pretty upset too "I don't- I don't know anymore." He's not even nice to their current dog, with him walking around pretty aimlessly before going to their dog who's standing up and repeatedly trying to make it sit, sternly saying "Sit down, sit down." when previously he's shown a lot of affection towards their dogs (though honestly uncertain how much of it has been totally genuine when he has also joked about a dog dying before it can be nametagged and stuff)

Martyn's not around and look what happens - exactly what Martyn has drilled in. Of course Jimmy is flustered and upset, and of course he doesn't want Martyn to know- for Martyn to comment again about his lack of trust in him by his lonesome, or about his unsuitability for his job as a cop. It only makes sense that Jimmy comes to believe he's incapable of handling himself alone and that he needs to rely on someone. It's only natural he follows Scott around in 3L without question when Scott doesn't trust him to something. It's only natural that even with Tango, at the start of DL, he voices concern to Bdubs that he's afraid Tango will yell at him for having done a bad job begging for resources. (Ofc Tango doesn't but it's really fucking sad!! That Jimmy's been conditioned to consider that!!)

Another example of "Jimmy's incompetency" is when Jimmy's dog has been taken hostage for awhile, but they find it almost instantly when Martyn comes back on. Jimmy says he needed the dog to keep him company and expresses a lot of grievance over the dog's living condition in the hole it was kept in, while Martyn questions if he even put in that much of an effort to try and find it. They joke about and Jimmy agrees to him not doing well on his own. (Also I'm not sure what to take away from the fact that the dog was kept in oddly good conditions and Jimmy still feeling bad for the dog...? Aside from the lack of sunlight ofc, it had room and water and a bed)

At some point (spoken more of in the Netty section), Jimmy gives Netty all his resources he gathered from their mining trip together and then asks "did you get a picture? Did you get a picture of that?". Naturally Netty comments on his need to immortalize his good deeds but you can't blame the guy when the people around him, especially his best pal Martyn, keep calling him a bad cop and not trusting him to be good when he's left alone. It makes sense for Jimmy to want proof of him being good to show Martyn...

Start of Evo ep 46, Salems says in chat something along the lines of "be good now Jimmy, no one's here to watch over you" to which Jimmy replies "I'm always good tyvm!!" And then proceeds to praise himself for the rest of the episode despite having difficulty dealing with the property police station being flooded. Eg sees that he has a bucket in one of his chests and going "Good job Jim good job" etc. He's trying so hard and then turns around to see more water and goes "this makes me sad" :(

(It was genuinely really bad lol this image does not do it justice)

Jimmy's self deprecation is also present in Evo even when it's not being brought on by anyone else, only himself. Eg under the video in which he got miserably blown up by Grian's prank, he has his pinned comment: "I was excited okay. I did not see the plates, don't ruin the comment section! Thank you. I am a noob though. HA!" and at the start of a different episode, Jimmy says to the audience "You didn't miss me, did ya? I know you didn't miss me" :(

There's also the time where he, Martyn and Netty do a race all individually and in the end it's revealed that Jimmy was the last one by a second and he repeatedly goes "oh wow so funny let's laugh (mock laughter)". Something about this one... Sure they joked about him coming last a few times through the episode but that felt kind of out of left field. Why is he so mocking... why are you being so SO mean to yourself Jimmy...

Jimmy is pretty frequently insisting on being a good cop even when the situation doesn't call for it because "people have been having a go at me lately". This notion of Jimmy being a bad cop extends further yet when Martyn's mayor campaign begins

1.3 Martyn's mayor arc, Jimmy's reinforced unsuitability and getting caught in the crossfire

Martyn runs for mayor, during which Jimmy is unwaveringly backing him, ofc. Following him around, propping him up... At one point Martyn even says "You're the best run-in partner I could've asked for"

But then things start falling apart and Martyn starts to a go a little bit mad. He wants to give up and Jimmy is basically pleading with him saying stuff like "but I've done so much to back to you" but Martyn's not hearing it "You've done nothing". (what a switch from that last paragraph lol)

Back to the Property Police station being flooded - Jimmy was openly supporting Martyn's mayor campaign but he didn't cause any of the destruction during the fallout when Martyn gave up. It was all Martyn and in retaliation the property police base has been significantly flooded and plastered with vines and Jimmy's the one to have to clean it all up. This doesn't get acknowledged (in Jimmy's POV at least). This is also very true in other SMPs like X Life, that Jimmy largely suffers due to no bad actions of his own but rather the crossfire of others'

It's always Martyn being on break... It's always Jimmy saying "the chief gave him days off!" and Martyn saying "I need a break from you and everything". Has anyone considered maybe Jimmy needs a little break too.. Has anyone considered that Jimmy also feels bad for not having his efforts recognized... He's always there to prop Martyn up to largely get deprecated in return in spite of everything he does (and isn't that a familiar theme with Jimmy...)

Anyway, next episode Martyn's back and Jimmy wants to show him something nice he made for him for being torn up about the mayor thing, but Martyn's immediate reaction is "what did you do!?". Well, the nice thing Jimmy made was a padded cell and he trapped Martyn in there for a bit for having gone a little mad lol

Martyn for a short period of time ends up becoming mayor anyway, during which he hits and berates Jimmy quite a bit (clenches fist) and reasons why Jimmy would always be second in charge at most because people don't want him as mayor. They do this whole bit where Jimmy replaces all the previous signs directed towards Tatiz (the last mayor) for them to say nice things about Martyn instead cause it's not like anyone's gonna know they're all just done by Jimmy... and then Martyn doesn't even let him into the office and punches him and Jimmy fake sniffles away

Martyn has another meltdown over the Watchers being against him becoming mayor, though Jimmy's still supporting him through it even as Martyn's playing him down. At the very end of the episode, Martyn jumps down a well when he says he's gonna go sleep so Jimmy's like "oh. Don't drown, we still need you" and Martyn sounds genuinely kind of gut-wrenchingly defeated when he replies "apparently not". Good time to remember Martyn's pride in feeling needed

Next time Martyn's on, he's on a quest to exile himself, saying he's going to find the next portal and leave and never come back. Jimmy is valiantly following him around and basically pleading for him to stay and that they need him (I think it's just you Jimmy... it's you who needs him...). Him saying "we've been on the force for 9 years, does that not mean anything to you?" makes for a painful parallel to Martyn accusing Jimmy of not caring about property police in 3L... Paraphrasing a bit, but the back and forth between Martyn and Jimmy: "You can explain to Netty why I'm leaving. I didn't want to explain to anyone but you've forced it on me. I'm happy to leave, everything's fine" - "Alright, fine. Fine, I accept it, no I accept it, I'm coming to wave goodbye" - "You coming with me, or?" - "No, I'm not leaving all this behind, but I'll come wave goodbye". Even with Jimmy giving up or having implied giving up on trying to convince Martyn to stay, he still wants to follow him, to at least say goodbye... Jimmy also says he's tearing up as Martyn's digging down to the stronghold where he plans to make his exit. Martyn drops into the stronghold with a bunch of mobs though and Jimmy goes "yess kill him, kill him!" (because that'd bring Martyn back to spawn and halt his self exile) before jumping down and helping defend Martyn anyway... Ultimately Martyn fails because the portal isn't even there and he dies to a creeper. Later, when Martyn's back, this is largely treated as a bad dream and that Martyn was just in a daze

I'm not sure exactly where this thought started but at some point Jimmy starts to express having to become mayor himself (and then at a later point, as mentioned above, Martyn explaining why people would never want him as a mayor). Jimmy says things like "I'm gonna end up being the mayor aren't I?" when things get tentative and unstable with Martyn, and "I reckon anything that comes - if a situation comes along again where someone has to take charge and i-in- lead and vote for something or even go for something... think Pete Bills should take it- I think Pete Bills should take it, and, you know... Give his best shot"

This is significant to me because Jimmy wanting to be in any kind of leading role, but never managing it, is a theme that comes up frequently in his POVs. Jimmy is already treated as being at the bottom of some player perceived hierarchy, and as such constantly teased and played down, which naturally, for the others, makes it unlikely if not absurd for him to be in leadership positions, and this imo carries over to his relationships

He hardly has authority and when he tries to enforce it, he gets disregarded, discouraged and/or made fun of, eg in ESMP2. He hardly if ever gets authority in 3L FH (flower husbands), or ESMP2 fWhimmy, or, Evo Solidwood to an extent. The whole mayor deal is very resemblant of what would go on to happen in X Life too. Where Jimmy is happy to be part of "Jeremyism" with Joel as the leader, though he enforces very little power, but when that position is about to be handed over to Scott, Jimmy desperately tries to get himself to be the leader instead, and upon failing, begs Joel to retain his position, only to end up following Scott's lead anyway without further vocal protest

Jimmy taking charge, in relationships or otherwise, almost always gets shut down. Pensive

1.4 Martyn's also kind to Jimmy though...

But then there are times like Martyn showing concern towards his wellbeing, voicing fear of him hurting himself, saying things like "I was worried you hurt yourself"

There are times like Salem cornering Jimmy and Martyn going "Salem, back it up, go back a few blocks, get away from him". Times like them talking about food and Jimmy says he's the priority so he should eat. Martyn naturally questions it and then chases him around for a bit, threatening to hit him, but then throws him the food anyway without arguing against it...

Something about Martyn not being entirely against the padded cell that Jimmy made for and trapped him in briefly. Martyn willingly goes in there when "he's had a thought" and says for Jimmy to trust him to stay in there even though one of the doors is broken and keeps opening. Something about Jimmy's ideas being given a chance and made use of even when its. a fucking padded cell

There's an episode that starts with Martyn calling Jimmy upset and a loser as is not at all unusual (grrr) but then he goes all soft "How you doing, you alright? Sorry I've been away" and all I can do is shake my fist, unable to quite punch him. There's something here about Martyn struggling to express affection, really well showcased in the bread incident too, without having a go at Jimmy first as if it were a balance that he needs to keep in check, rather than being nice to Jimmy just... because.

There's a trap they build, mostly Martyn, and he claims "Jimmy was such a big support" and Jimmy naturally goes "I didn't really do much" but all Martyn replies is "well its this kind of trap that having two people work on it would have been difficult..." thank you for validating Jimmy and not making a joke out of him for "doing less"

There's this kind of respect towards Jimmy here largely absent from a lot of other people in other SMPs...

Jimmy shushing Martyn and Martyn actually shuts up. Wow basic decency and respect towards my son !!! Jimmy suggests a viewer suggested bevarage name for their little pub thing, and Martyn says it's bad, but when Jimmy reinforces a little later that he thought it was good, Martyn encourages him to put up a sign for it anyway.

It's not just Jimmy who's being accused of having done something etc. Jimmy's also more assertive towards Martyn and asking him if he's sure he's not done anything bad. And also holding Martyn accountable. This is largely a saving grace for Solidwood to me as opposed to some other Jimmy relationships in select SMPs because it goes both ways here even if still in uneven portions...

There's also Jimmy's antics being played into it as opposed to being disregarded or made fun of. A lot of it tends to be turned back around to making fun of Jimmy and then that's it, that's the joke, but with Martyn, he participates in the jokes. Jimmy can just ask for silly stuff or be silly and Martyn will easily go along or provide without knocking him or anything. Jimmy "can I get a cool intro please" and Martyn will just do it without question. The whole thing they had with Evo news (genuinely please go watch this one tiny animatic of one of their "Evo News" segments on Jimmy's channel, it's so adorable). Or whatever other cringy joke bits they do. Mmgh I just wish this was the case with more people than just Martyn

This kind of stuff, a lot of the time does still involve teasing Jimmy, but it's fun... It's not just fun on Jimmy's expense, it's fun that involves him, and that makes this endlessly more enjoyable to me than the "lol Jimmy is incompetent and stupid and deserves no rights" jokes with no further nuance to them. Those do very much appear in Evo still, and do hurt me, although I see no harm to them as long as they're less frequent and as such don't become fully stale after the first few times, but at least it's not. coughempiresseason2cough cough.

Idk where else to put this but Martyn and Jimmy start the "Property Police" bit in episode 2 already and it goes on for pretty much the entire series. They both adopt specific names for it though. Jimmy decides on “Pete Bills” but it’s mostly just him who ever uses it. Martyn picks “Morty” and Jimmy continues calling Martyn that for the entire series. Kind of cute of them to have nicknames for one another, Morty and Timmy respectively, even if it was Grian who started the Timmy bit

1.5 Setting Jimmy up for failure

This kind of casual hitting and deprecation from Martyn is what I think leads to Jimmy's further minimization and need of dependency, which I brought into question way back at the start. While Property Police is largely pretty carefree and accountability and such isn't always one-sided and can go both ways, there are so many things to point to in retrospect as frontrunners for repeating themes in how Jimmy gets treated by others, and how he views himself. A lot of Martyn's treatment of Jimmy both within and after Evo make me grit my teeth but there's these saving factors... Where Martyn evidently does really care, and he'll at least sometimes express as much... What gets in the way is his tendency to be hot-headed and selfish, and skewed in his ways of affection and pride

It's so fucked up how Jimmy's led to believe to have been at fault for so many things that happen to him through all the deprecation and reinforcement of him being the worst player of the bunch. How when he apologizes, no one tells him he's no need to.

Before one of the portal hops, when everyone’s having a meeting to switch versions, someone trapped Jimmy in 4 Iron doors (idk who, Jimmy cut it out) but Grian goes "don’t worry I have a way to get you out of there" and blows the doors up with TNT. He then asks Jimmy to clean it up and Jimmy's all "sorry I'll clean it up" and he keeps apologizing. Another time when Jimmy loses a race in evo and Mini punches him "you're stupid, Jimmy, you're stupid, you should have won that race" to which Jimmy briefly flees before going back to him to apologize (doesn't that sound familiar...grrr)

It started with Martyn, who Jimmy followed around, supported, needed and missed, and then X Life Joel (Jeremyism) and then 3L Scott etc. Jimmy doesn't need to depend on anyone, that's just how his fucked up love life and expectations of affection (and when whether or not he deserves any) have gone, cause I feel the need to reinforce that Jimmy is very good and capable, he is!! If the damn Enderdragon fight is anything to go by if nothing else!! He should start murdering people!! Anyway

Appropriate time to think again about Martyn, in 3L, voicing concern over Scott slapping Jimmy around, when he has also admitted to using Jimmy ("Sometimes I feel that you use me" - "I 100% do")

For further similarities, few times Martyn scolded Jimmy, like when Jimmy accidentally kills Martyn at one point with a single pickaxe swipe and Martyn scolds him like "alright, now you get back on the surface, bring all my stuff back to me" and Jimmy can only stutter and make a few whimpers. His “How were you on that low H- How… Hmph :(“... I want someone to hold Jimmy so badly you don’t understand... or the time Jimmy and Martyn were standing by the blaze spawner to get double spawning rate, when for some reason Jimmy decides to leave and take a little gander alone at which Martyn very angrily goes "did you just leave? You can't do that! Are you guys seeing this teamwork??". He's getting scolded... No blazes were spawning and he got anxious and needed to go for a walk Martyn it's okay...

Also like. He lived and slept in the same room as Jimmy all throughout. Something about Jimmy only ever being part of at least SOMEWHAT nice relationships when he's sleeping together with that person and not alone. coughs

2. Jimmy and Netty (and Martyn) thoughts

Seeing as Netty's skin is a bush baby and she built a treehouse, I'm still sticking with the headcanon that little Martyn and Jimmy just found this creature (Netty) in the woods one day. Anyway

Martyn, Jimmy and Netty are on a goose chase and I found it really cute how they came across a decent water crossing, Martyn asks Netty in chat "boats or swim?" meanwhile Jimmy is already swimming off and Netty doesnt answer and just jumps in after Jimmy. He and Netty also fall down the exact same hole simultaneously later, it’s adorable.

When they make it to where the new portal is, Netty hits Jimmy into some water, to which Jimmy of course shakes his fist, and then later Netty accidentally nudged him to his death by fall. Jimmy said she will pay for her crimes, but it was an accident Jimmy... she didn't mean it that time... And then Netty's slowly crawling towards Jimmy with her head down, occasionally looking up with puppydog eyes no doubt. You know the cubito body language. But Jimmy's just shaking his head at her.... Jimmy feels bad though, I think, so he went up to her but she thought he was going to attack and ran away

Jimmy POV vs Netty POV (yeah I don't blame her for getting scared lol) Jimmy's disappointed though and says "I'm done with her" :(

In a later episode, Jimmy is helping Netty gather resources for her library. They go mining together, both having very little to their name and almost no torches, Jimmy mistakenly asks Netty for sticks before realizing he already has plenty but Netty gives him hers anyway and they rejoice and laugh about it... She also says "in real life I would actually trust you with my life but in Evo I do not want anything to do with you, you are too mischievous". Because this mentions the CCs specifically, and I'm strictly talking about characters, I'm not gonna think about it much but idk, I like that Netty's reasoning is "You're too mischevious" and they're just laughing about it. Netty's and Jimmy's banter in general is just really cute. There's a point where she's saying "Stop trying to make that a thing!" in response to Jimmy using this phrase "fan dabi dozi" with his own little inflection and when Jimmy asks "does it irritate you?" she says no, it makes her laugh. It's something about the way Netty does very much tease Jimmy but there's much less maliciousness in it than there is for some other people doing the same. She's not as quick to fault or accuse him, and she's quicker to laugh things off in unison and not at Jimmy

When they're done mining, Jimmy offers and gives her all the resources that he mined, to Netty's very genuine surprise though. Jimmy reasons "that's the whole reason I came with you" and like, yeah, he's right, this was established lol, but still... He's not being taken for granted... Netty didn't just assume he'd hand his resources over... And then Netty's New Years resolution is "to make Jimmy be less mean" ???? Netty.......

In spite of the few hiccups that I find hard to excuse though, Netty's attitude towards Jimmy is very similar to Martyn's when he's being nice. Basically what I already said a paragraph ago. Their banter is largely cute (when it involves Martyn, too, they make for a very fun and cute trio) and she spends the last episode with Jimmy and Pearl and it's very bittersweet

Other Jimmy things

There's a bit they do at the beginning of an episode where Jimmy attempts to propose marriage to Martyn. "Oh my god you need to see this, you need to see this, basically I've been... I've been thinking a lot lately and um-" - "Mate I'm already taken" (Martyn whips out the rose that Netty gave him early on and that he's kept in his hotbar ever since (mad cute btw))

At the very start of the SMP, Jimmy and Martyn immediately run off together and they're very sweet but anyway when Jimmy finds his first iron, he calls Martyn over to remember the occasion. Martyn then whips out 3 iron like “oops I already got some” but. Something about Jimmy treasuring the moment like that… Something about him and resources…

Jimmy is also claustrophobic apparently, with Martyn commenting about feeling bad about making him crawl through a tight space although Jimmy says it's fine. I'm just... thinking about 3L FH... their secure, claustrophobic base at the edge of the world away from everyone else... and Jimmy's few attempts of reaching out... Jimmy..... sorry this isn't about 3L uhhh

When Netty questions why Jimmy's bad at handling Creepers, he says "it's my parents"?? With the previous implication that the "chief" figure is Jimmy's dad, did the chief not teach him how to fight... This is kinda funny but also kinda sad because it makes me think of him being treated as the runt of the litter and no more, he was not the favorite child...

Zee throughout Evo is in direct opposition of the property police, being one of the two members of the mafia. He's responsible for doing and helping in many pranks aimed against the property police. In spite of this, near the end of the SMP, when he has reason to be upset with Jimmy, he's ultimately pretty nice about it... Jimmy's been stealing all his chickens from his chicken farm and not leaving any for Zee, but even then Zee is not that confrontational with him about it... Jimmy tries to derail, Zee catches on, Jimmy insists whilst also admitting to it and Zee's like "haha ok go on". Jimmy also tried to kill him but Zee caught on and killed him instead, but because it was with lava and all of Jimmy's stuff burned as a result (including all of Zee's TNT that he'd just stolen), Zee felt bad and gave him all the diamonds he had... Zee has 3 reasons to be upset with Jimmy, and Jimmy is usually the runt of the litter, the punching bag, and yet... Thank you Zee for being relatively kind to my son

Hello insane person for reaching this point. When my life series merch is ready I will start giving people like you discount codes at the ends of these posts. wink10 for 10% off. Remember it. Go read my X Life Jimmy thoughts too if you haven't. please

#blabber #jimmy solidarity #solidwood #property police #evo smp

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if-lost-please-return-to-maliksi · 2 months

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Disclaimer: I do not own Keane or any Planet Puto Character - Full Credit goes to HC - @ask-emilz-de-philz. Please check out their blog for amazing art and the wonderful world of Planet Puto. This might or might not be a self insert, please don't come for me.

When Keane Macallister was first scouted into the showbiz industry by Milo, nobody liked him. He rose into fame a lot quicker than what the other veteran actors preferred. All the blood, sweat, and tears they shed for years and years, overshadowed by Keane in just months. He has the looks, the body, and definitely the skills for it but the others can't contain their bitterness and jealousy.

During his first ever project, he got to work with you. You've been an actress since you were 16 and you were known for being the antagonist/ villain for some blockbuster hits. Most of your roles include being some sort of an evil boss, a mistress of the male lead, a jealous and scheming step sister— all sorts of those hated characters and stuff, but you were also known for being aloof and cold even outside of your roles, being involved in scandals about your attitude was nothing new for you.

You were accused of treating fans poorly, most of the rumors were untrue and the shittiest thing you ever did to others was probably not allowing someone to take a picture with you while you were eating your first meal of the day after working for 17 hours straight until different stories just spawned in those tabloids, and of course those goody two shoes actors you work with didn't want to be involved with someone who had a bad reputation.

Keane heard of the rumors about you countless of times and even read some on the local newspapers but he knew better than to be choosy with his companions while he's just getting started on his career, especially since most of the other actors are very wary of him. You may have a bad reputation, but you are still someone who managed to stay afloat in this industry since you were 16, and he aims to be able to do the same.

It didn't take long before you and Keane were always seen together. It was nothing sort of romantic as you both tried to keep things casual and work related. Keane works hard and he definitely has some valuable foundation in acting, but he's also new and he loved getting feedback and tips from you. At first, you were very much annoyed by his presence, the way he tries to sneakily approach you during tapings, using small talk to somehow gauge you to teach him some techniques— it was something you weren't used to. It has always been you and your manager for so long that being followed around by another actor felt weird at this point but soon enough you grew accustomed to his antics.

"What do you mean? Y/n is one of the sweetest people I know." Keane answered as he smiled at the camera when some of the reporters managed to get ahold of him and bombard him with questions regarding the rumors about you. "She can never do wrong." he added before giving them his signature toothy grin.

You jokingly rolled your eyes before turning the tv off and facing Keane who is currently sitting at the couch. He was hanging out in your place again after asking you for some help to practice his lines. "Really, now? I could never do wrong?" You mockingly tried to imitate his voice as he burst out laughing. Keane has always made an effort to ease up your image in front of the camera whenever he can. It was not something you asked for, but you truly appreciate it whenever he does it.

"Hey! I'm trying to get them to like you!" Keane laughed. He wouldn't admit it, but the moment you helped him with his lines for the very first time, he was ready to back you up for the rest of his life.

"You know I don't want them to like me at this point."

"Yeah? But why?"

"Because it's easier to not have people expect anything from you." You softly whispered as you stared back at Keane's purple eyes. "If people see me as some sweet and darling actress, won't I have to keep that image in and out of work? Look, I know how you wanted them to know that I'm not some mean monster, but it's just easier to not have them expect how I should act during my own time."

You sighed as you ruffled Keane's hair. "Always remember that negative publicity is still publicity. Plus, being mean suits me since all of my projects are just me acting as the bad guy after all."

"Aight, I understand. But please stop treating me like a child! I'm still older than you! By like, 5 years or something!" Keane softly chuckled as he tried fixing his hair.

"That's not counted. You've only been here for around 3 years. I've been doing this since I was a child so I'm technically your senior." You rolled your eyes as you settled at the opposite end of the couch, keeping a good distance between you two.

"Why are you sitting so far away?"

"Because I'm tired of your face. I see you everyday." You teased him.

Keane gave you his best impression of what seems to be some sort of puppy eyes. "You don't like seeing me anymore?" He exaggeratedly sniffled clasping at his chest as he tried acting overly hurt and offended.

"That won't work on me."

Keane softly chuckled. "I find it weird that we've been together for a couple of projects and you still seem unaffected by my charms. Those other actresses we work with waste no time trying to woo me. Am I not your type or do you not swing my way?"

"It's a lot of trouble to develop feelings with someone you work with." You plainly said, not bothering to explain yourself at all. Keane is smart and you know that he understands your words. He might be a total flirt but deep inside, he knows how troublesome it is to throw in some feelings in the mix.

"We don't have anything scheduled for tomorrow, wanna have a drink? I'll have food delivered to us." Keane said as he grabbed his phone and started ordering some food.

"And risk us being involved in a scandal when someone sees you hanging out in my place? The delivery guy will definitely recognize either one of us once we have to receive your order."

"Chill! I know this guy. I used to work with him when I was still a delivery rider, he knows to mind his own business. Besides, we're just gonna eat chicken and drink beer." Keane softly chuckled.

"Fine." You defeatedly sigh as you rummaged through your refrigerator for some beer, tossing a can to Keane and grabbing one for yourself. "Let's get it started then."

You never enjoyed drinking with company. Whenever you get drunk, it's as if you were seeing a version of yourself you don't know. A carefree Y/n, a talkative Y/n, a Y/n who smiles at silly little things. It was scary for you. What if you enjoy this version of you so much that you start wishing that you're like this sober? Maybe people wouldn't be too harsh in criticizing you if you were this sweet, this nice, this...innocent.

You smiled as you took a sip of your beer while you listened to Keane talk about his childhood. You were resting your head on his shoulders ever since you started slurring your words— Keane didn't mind and he's actually amused of the gesture since you're never really a cuddly person. You don't know if it's the liquor but something about his voice is just so soothing that you were sure you could listen to him talk forever. Keane is still pretty much sober even though both of you were already on your 5th can of beer as you sat on the balcony, enjoying the cold breeze.

Keane is a really good person who deserved every good thing in life, you thought to yourself as you study his face while he talks about his family. How he smiles with the mention of his mom and sisters, as well as his stepdad. You hated how being drunk makes you feel things you usually don't when you're sober. Just like how your heart seems to be beating out of your chest right now.

Keane told you everything, without any reservations. In his mind, you are that one person he trusts in this industry. You are someone dear to him. You were too drunk to share stuff about yourself so Keane didn't push it. He knows that you'll tell him about your life once you're ready.

The night went by with you just listening to Keane talk and when he noticed that you were already having trouble keeping still, he asked if you were fine with him holding you for support. You can't help but melt at the thought of him making sure that he doesn't do anything you weren't comfortable with. Once you agreed, Keane gently seated you in his lap and let you rest your head on his chest, one arm wrapped around you to make sure you wouldn't be falling around.

"Say, what if the rumors are true and I'm actually a bad person? Would you still have my back just like now?" You drunkenly asked— something your sober self will never have the courage to do so.

"Of course I'll always have your back." Keane's gaze softened as he gently brushed some strands of your hair away from your face. "You don't even have to worry about that." He whispered as he gently ran his fingers along your hair affectionately. He can't help but feel protective as he sees this new vulnerable side to you. You were always so composed, all your moves were always so calculated, yet with just a few drinks, you were this girl he's never met before.

“You promise?” You softly asked Keane, your tone desperate, as if it meant the whole world for you to hear him swear on it.

“I promise, Y/n.”

"This is why you'll never be a lead actress ever! You don't listen to me!" Her voice was laced with poison just like how you remember it. You didn't answer as you were too busy applying concealer on your red cheeks from when she decided that maybe you'll listen better if her palms made contact to your skin just like how it always did when you were growing up. You have to attend a press con in an hour yet here you are, locked in the dressing room with your own mother.

"All I want is what's best for you, anak. You're not getting any younger. You haven't even peaked yet, you haven't even been offered a lead role yet...What if you run out of jobs at this point? Paano nalang ako—"

You shook your head upon hearing those words once again. Those words that you learned how to carry ever since you were a kid, no matter how much it broke your back from how much it weighed you down. Those words used to do the job when you were younger, oh how you'll bend over backwards just to comply to her whims and make her happy— because according to her, that's what you caused her. All her happiness, freedom, and dreams gone because you came into this world, so you owe it to her.

"You are an actress, why can't you just act sweet and kind around everyone so they'll like you? You're pretty, why don't you put that face and body to good use and try to convince your bosses to give you a lead role for once?! Why do I have to have a daughter who is so goddamn worthless?!"

You sighed as she started getting angry once again. You looked at your watch, wondering where your manager was, hoping she'll arrive soon to rescue you from this situation. This has happened a lot of times already and it always ends ugly.

"You are so not worth it! I can't believe I ended up raising someone as incompetent as you!"

All her words still cut you as deeply as the first time you heard it. It's been so long and you're just tired of holding it together. "That's enough Ma. Please go home." You were sure that she's gonna start crying at this point just like how she always does to make the situation shift into her favor.

Keane was looking for you everywhere when he ran into your manager. She informed the actor that she's also on her way to pick you up in the dressing room where she left you and that he can tag along. They were still a couple of steps away but they can already hear yelling from the inside.

Keane hurriedly rushed towards the door to check on you only to be there on the worst timing possible.

"I wish I had a different mother..." Those words escaped your lips before you can even see that Keane is already standing there, looking at you with an expression you never saw from him before— was it shock? contempt? He gave you the same expression you know all too well from your mother— anger.

Your manager was quick on her feet as she escorted your mom out of the room, leaving you with Keane.

"Wait- Keane. Let me explain—"

"Explain why you were yelling at the woman who gave birth to you?!" Keane snapped as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to contain his emotions. Being raised by a single mom, Keane has always had mad respect for every parent out there and was shocked to the core with what he just saw.

"Please let me explain first!"

"Y/n! That's your mom!"

"Keane...you're not listening. Please...Please...let me explain first." You can hear your own voice crack as you felt tears forming in your eyes. You just want to explain your side but he isn't even listening.

"Yeah, explain why you're 25 and acting like a brat!" He sarcastically said as he crossed his arms in his chest.

"Why are you so angry?! I— Keane, you promised! You promised that you'll always have my back. Why aren't you giving me a fair chance to explain! You promised..." You sobbed, feeling betrayed as you struggle to keep it together as Keane looks down on you with disdain.

"You promised.." You whispered and for the first time in years, you're back to being a child, crying and wondering why no one is ever at your side when you need them. You were alone once again.

Keane quickly realized his mistake once he saw how much you were crying. You were right. He promised you. Why was he acting like a complete ass towards you when he's never even heard the complete story yet.

Guilt washed over him as he realized how vulnerable and hurt you looked right now so he slowly closed the distance between you two, taking your hands into his and slowly rubbing his thumbs along your wrist. "Hey...hey...Y/n, look at me. Look at me, please."

Keane slowly brought your hands to his lips, pressing a brief kiss into your palms. You slowly raised your head to look into his eyes. "I'm so sorry. I am not angry at you, darling. I am so sorry." He whispered as he wraps you in his embrace, slowly rocking you back and forth to calm you down. "Shhh... I'm here... You have me, Y/n. I am so so sorry for being an ass." Keane whispers, holding you tighter to his chest. "I'm here."

To be continued..

I'll be honest, this story took a turn A LOT OF TIMES while I was writing and it's already like 2.5k words. ( I am not big on longer fics coz my attention span sucks esp at proofreading.) Now, this fic right here has a part 2. (Or more like I have to do 2 parts now from how long this is getting, + it has been tough to write the last parts coz it's making me a bit emotional that I gotta physically get myself from my laptop at this point coz the extra emotions might make me lose vision of the plot. ;;)

Art and OC by Haimaaaaa Please follow and support them here: https://www.tumblr.com/ask-emilz-de-philz / @ask-emilz-de-philz.

#planet puto #planetputo #actor au keane #aau keane

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bruhstation · 1 year

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what playing god does to TWO mfs (explanation of their characters and relationship in act 1 under readmore)

at the start of casa tidmouth (tatmr), d10 is on this relentless quest on capturing lady. the reason of this is because he’s morbidly curious on what would happen if a mere human like him get into contact with gold dust. at that time, lady was putting on a disguise of a normal human working as a newbie in the northwestern railway, and d10 managed to figure out that she’s the lady of the legend thanks to various tales of her and the sodor’s rumours bulletin board. also because he eavesdropped on thomas and percy who wanted to help her look for gold dust resources.

throughout the beginning until mid of act 1, d10 plays this role of a saturday morning cartoon villain. every time he encounters the adventure trio, he always tries to thwart their plans using his 200 iq brain and rube goldberg machines (and incredibly incompetent dieselworks minions), though he always ends up failing.

another thing is that lady wasn’t really threatened by him. whenever d10 recites his essay on how he’ll capture lady, she would just smile and cheerfully respond to his genius plans. lady also perceives emotions and morality much differently compared to humans. she always believes that there’s a way out of every situation because... she’s a god! she has gold dust (albeit only a bit)! she’s not being mean or looking down on d10 or humans as a whole. it’s just the way she is. when humans panic over an injury, she nonchalantly believed it can be healed. when humans experience grief, she believed they’ll get over it soon. this is also because she never experienced companionship prior to arriving to sodor, so she had NO idea how to emotionally connect to others or understand how others feel. she just knows that her duty as the goddess of sodor is to help humans physically, not emotionally.

unfortunately d10 thought she’s looking down on him and always strives to improve his machines and plans to capture her. lady just plays along because she thought it’ll be fun to entertain a mere human like him. there are times where d10 managed to capture her (lady is still unfazed and goes along. she knew he’ll always fail) but as days and weeks progress, d10 slowly started to feel like his actions isn’t rooted in malice but rather because he just... wanted to do it. d10 felt uncomfortable about this relation because he had always thought of himself as this irredeemable, unstoppable force and is never bothered about it. he constantly wavered on his ideals whenever he thought of doing something nice for a change and always forced himself to think of himself as this tough, crazy maniac who’s a big evil genius to ground himself.

the days where d10 and lady didn’t have their one-sided rivalry, lady would just tease d10, tell him to relax his shoulders, and basically annoy him. it eventually evolved into days where they would have small talk about random things, like d10′s rube goldberg machines and lady’s godlike characteristics. lady thought that his machines are genuinely cool and awesome, something that he’s never heard anyone say before. d10 mentioned things about his fascination with gold dust and wanting to know more about its wonders or if it has any side effects... a goddess that learns about science, and an engineer that is interested in how magic works.

even though in their earlier interactions d10 always instigated first, it was always thomas that gave d10 the push he “needed” to kickstart his daily villainy shenanigans by exclaiming out loud something along the lines of “look! diesel 10!’s back!!!!”. so when he’s not present, d10 can’t bring himself to do..... mean bad toughguy things.

d10 initially thought that lady was sent by thomas to spy on his activities, but many convincing words from her proved otherwise. lady finally became honest on how she views humans and said that she found it hard to emotionally connect with others. her role as a god wasn’t to be worshiped, but to be relied on. strangely, d10 related to her. he always believed that there’s nothing science can’t answer. as long as he can use others using his knowledge and sheer willpower, he can achieve whatever he wants and quench any curiosity his brain comes up with. he pushed others away and others pushed him away because of his low sympathy and thought process that is considered “abnormal”. for the first time, lady truly understood the feelings of a human. d10 always takes his leave right before thomas arrives, though. he doesn’t want to make things complicated, but for the first time, he unconsciously felt like caring about someone else besides him.

seems like there’s a lot of things lady and d10 share in common.

and just like that, a friendship between them formed. lady is still her unwavering, cheerful self, but she began to think about her own feelings more rather than let others slide. d10 is still his maniacal, crazy engineer self, but he started to think about wanting to use his genius brain for something sliiightly less destructive. rebuilding the dieselworks, perhaps? one can only imagine. he still thought his machines were awesome, though, and he doesn’t think he can become a 100% good guy. d10 is the first person that made lady experience more “human-like” emotions, while lady is the first person that wasn’t scared of d10 and paid more attention at how intricate his machines are instead of how much they’re safety hazards.

things were starting to look good!

and then the first part of the dotd arc arrived.

#thomas the tank engine #thomas and friends #ttte lady #ttte diesel 10 #senjart #casa tidmouth #casa tidmouth act 2 #lore time. boy oh boy!#god vs science WHO WILL WIN #least insane casa tidmouth beef

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kikoesbonbon · 1 year

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Character : Alhaitham

Mentioning : Kaveh, Cyno, Traveler (not you guys).

Themes : Self awareness, different dimensions, posesif (ig-)

Alhaitham knows who you are. And he won't let you go that easily ferguso.

If asked what he thinks of you, Alhaitham will find you an oddball who likes his stubborn personality. Even though he had never met you before. Even Kaveh, who just lives with him, can't stand his arrogant attitude. Yes. Bulliing Kaveh is one of his many hobbies when he gets bored dealing with his work as a scribe and acting grand sage besides reading tons of books from the House of Daena. Take the uwu lion key from Kaveh. (Didn't expect Kaveh himself to like that cute wooden lion. Who knows. I don't know. I'm just assuming)

There are rumors that people with vision will get closer to you. Look, how lucky are the vision holders. they thought. Alhaitham did not bother. He had had enough of the other ramblings of academiya students. They tried to bring other gods closer after dumping Leser lord Kusanali and trying to create new gods and now they are seeking new divine knowledge from you. How selfish are they.

In addition, they are trying various ways to get vision quickly with research and research on 101 ways to get your vision quickly (life hack. Very helpful so that you live in prosperity so that you are closer to you. No clickbait. Very helpful in getting divine knowledge with joss - fast. Guaranteed you won't lose. Money back isn't effective. If the transaction money is still with us-) what a crazy marketing technique.

Alhaitham doesn't expect anything other than peace with his boring activities which are waking up, going to work, not forgetting to have breakfast, coming back at night, not forgetting to bring the key to the cave every day when he goes to work as the acting grand sage. I swear, Sage Azar is really a burden. It's been a problem, he also has to replace him. Look, how displeased the academia were with her decision to become a provisional grand sage. Let it be, he has no interest in becoming a sage because it takes a long time to find a replacement for a new sage. After all, he would not even offer to become a sage because he was appointed by Lord Kusanali because he could be relied on.

Alhaitham doesn't expect anything but peace while drinking coffee alone at home while reading his boring colored cover book which he often carries and reads anywhere it doesn't matter where he sits as long as he can read that book. Kaveh often complains about how bad Alhaitham is when it comes to choosing interior decorations for his old and boring house. His aesthetic architect's soul was terrified to see him. (I swear, what kind of knowledge book is this kid reading that is so engrossed, Paimon herself gets dizzy just reading a few words)

His calm changed when he saw several meteors falling-eh.. Shooting stars I mean. Many stars fell in the sky that night. Blue, purple.. It is said that there is a time when the god gives mercy to the chosen one. The dendro vision on the wrist of the right arm shines just as a golden star falls down in Sumeru's night sky. Just then Alhaitham heard someone's voice enter his head.

"Welcome home, Alhaitham."

When asked how he felt when Alhaitham faced someone who sounded similar to what you sounded like, his ignorant soul became curious. Is that you? The God who gave divine blessings to the academic scholars?

"Acting Grand Sage, I would like to report on the results of the research I got from The Dune of Carouses together with Cyno this afternoon." You said while opening a small note sheet of your research results.

"So after I researched at The Mausoleum of King Deshret before..."

Alhaitham stared at your figure speaking in a voice similar to the one that came to mind at the time. Your voice was only faintly heard while you were talking, since Alhaitham's mind was only roaming about you.

"..I found some hidden mechanisms related to some of the theories I came up with. Regarding that because it requires entry with the Scarlet Sand Slate, fortunately there was help from the Traveler in this research with the Scarlet Stone he obtained back then..."

Alhaitham cleared his throat making you look up at him. "Yes?" You tilted your head to look at his tall figure. "Anything to interrupt?" maybe he cleared his throat because the delivery of your report was not appropriate?

"No, actually I was just curious. I was wondering, is it true that you ■■■■?" What an awkward question from him to interrupt what you are talking about. You only reacted by furrowing your brows at him.

"That's right. Are you tired? Need to rest? Should I not disturb you for now?"

"No, just curious. I just adjusted the name of your previous report notes".

"Oh really?" you raise your eyebrows. What's with this guy today?

"And the names also happen to be similar." he said rubbing his chin as if he was thinking.

"Alhaitham? Someone like you has acquaintances? What a joke. Besides, the name ■■■■ is the name many people use. Not just one." You sweat a little, flicking your palms forward.

Alhaitham is not stupid he knows you are hiding something. And you're not very good at lying, it seems. So he has to find out for himself. Alhaitham saw some of your reports scattered on the table. It seems almost finished. He looked at you with his head asleep on the table. You're pretty diligent for a scolar like you. Just a little more and you graduate from the academy. You don't want to admit and you don't want to say that Alhaitham helped you a lot. What a tsundere—

A few months later, you told Alhaitham that once you graduated from Akademia, you would not continue your course. You will move to Fontaine to study mechanical engineering. I don't know what got into Alhaitham, he insisted that you stay in Sumeru. But you also insist on saying you can't stay in one place. After having a fight, you finally got tired of compromising with Alhaitham and ignored him for a few days.

Your graduation day is only a few weeks away, you have prepared all your thesis that only needs to be sent on the table. Alhaitham again saw you sleeping peacefully on the table. He sat next to you and pulled your left shoulder to lean on him.

His eyes stared at your face, and smiled faintly while playing with the ends of your hair. Alhaitham took some papers from your research on the table and read the writing. Your writing is really neat.

The next day you panicked into Alhaitham's study by breaking down the door. "Alhaitham—!" You hastily take a breath. "E-everyone, all of my theses are gone!"

"Oh?" Alhaitham looked at you with a flat gaze.

"Oh? Oh, you said it?! How many months do you think it took me to do that Alhaitham!?" you broke the table. "All my work is gone! I-I don't know what to do! Without that thesis I can't graduate—"

"Calm yourself,"

"Alhaitham—you must help me!" you pulled his collar.

"I said calm down, you can still work on it again. There's still next year for graduation." Alhaitham patted your shaking shoulder.

"What do you mean-" your eyes widen, shaking and looking down. "D-don't tell me.. Alhaitham, you did this?"

"I don't-"

"Why did you do that to a scholar under you Alhaitham?! You know that's a offense right? Alhaitham you bastard. Give me back all my thesis papers!" you shouted angrily at him. "I didn't take all your thesis papers." he said sarcastically.

"Liar! I believe you were the last to stay at the House of Daena, right? There weren't many people there lingering until midnight there."

"What if you misunderstood? What would you say hm?" his gaze on you was condescending. You hate that look.

"I—" you gritted your teeth in annoyance. You swear, this guy is a complete asshole. "If that happens, I still don't apologize to you." You let go of Alhaitham's collar roughly. "I don't want anything to do with you anymore!"

You stepped angrily to get out of the Grand Sage's room, but were blocked by Alhaitham by slamming the door pushing you closer to the door. You stare at him resentfully. "What the hell are you—!"

"You.. you know how annoying you are lately?" Alhaitham muttered softly in a heavy tone in your ear while leaning back. "You sicken me." he muttered in a thunderous tone as he placed his finger on your hip. "I know who you really are. And I'll make sure to teach you who you stand for. And you won't be able to go anywhere.♡"

»»-----------fin-----------««

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Boy, it's been a long time since I've made this fanfic that I've been struggling since February.😰 It's been 4 months since I abandoned it because I had writer's block.😭🤙

And the ending doesn't match the initial concept that I wanted. But because I'm still innocent for results that are a little more intimate. Forgive me. 🙇

#yandere al haitham x reader #al haitham x reader #self aware genshin #yandere genshin x reader #alhaitham x reader #genshin x reader #Alhaitham x reader #genshin impact

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the-s1lly-corner · 7 months

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Keep requesting from different people with no luck but what if jason voorhees had a S/O who reads to him when he's "sleeping" in the lake and he has dreams about the story and has a dream of him and the reader as beauty and the beast?

Reading B&B to Jason + Dream stuff!

while this isnt a slasher blog and i am grossly underqualified to speak of anything book related to beauty and the beast, i truly do love this idea + i really felt the whole request thing </3 this aint perfect but i hope you enjoy it regardless! may your other/future requests be answered someday! !!!quick note, admins only exposure to beauty and the beast is the original disney film, they have never read any renditions of it so theyre going off the basic bare bones concept not proof read, i am literally belting this out before i gotta bake an order </3

I could be silly, i could make him dream of himself as the beauty as opposed to being the beast, but im not 100% sure how i would go about writing that.... perhaps ill save that for the next time my slasher brainrot strikes me

i think he would love that you read for him, small little act that helps heal that inner child inside him + it reminds him of how his mom used to read to him at night. its almost bittersweet... im torn on whether or not pam would've read him beauty and the beast/similar adjacent tales. I admit, I'm not sure how many renditions of the story there are, and which ones were around when Jason was a kid but lets say, for convivence lets say she didnt

whenever you read to him hes hooked on every word you say, head in your lap and looking up at you with this sort of sparkle in his eye. loves it when you put on goofy voices for different characters. generally a very calm and peaceful moment between the two of you

so imagine offering to read the story to him, and he is just. totally immersed. even before he falls asleep he sees the parallels between the book and you, bonus if you somehow find a way to show him the disney movie of it

as for the dreams, naturally he's in the beasts position. solitary and secluded away from others, and self admittedly from the man himself, a sight for sore eyes (no matter how much some may disagree), and you as the beauty (not that much changes in the dream, he already sees you as something radiant)

the first time he has the dream he doesnt really say anything about it, actually he doesnt remember most of the dream thanks to him nearly forgetting everything that second he wakes up

but the dream keeps happening, even long after you first read the story to him, and each night he seems to be able to piece everything together

you wander into his home, and he keeps you. protects you, actually. the events of your arrival in the dream are blurred, but seem to line up with how you first entered his life.

theres no talking furniture, unfortunately

however i do wanna say theres talking animals in their place

nature boy

actually, jason doesnt seem to be a prince in his dreams, just a simple man

hes not even a physical monster in his dreams.

but unlike the disney adaptation, when the whole... breaking the curse thing happens, there is no transformation. so hey, theres that at least

he eventually talks to you about it, sheepishly signing the details to you as he tries to not seem embarrassed about it. but he cant help but to get giddy when he sees your smile

"aww you dream about me?" is a comment sure to make his signing pause for a second before he covers his hands over his mask

i wish i had more for this but im on a bit of a time crunch atm and as stated in the authors note my only exposure is the disney film and SOBS

you (making sure hes okay with the nickname first, obviously) playfully call him beast, and he starts calling you beauty

the story eventually kind of becomes you guys' thing, like how some couples have their song or their movie or their whatever

#slasher x you #slasher imagine #slasher x reader #jason voorhees x you #jason voorhees x reader #jason voorhees imagine

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byclairs · 10 months

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Lucas's arc seemed like he deserved to be put in his place and recognize that he was wrong for believing he could hope for better? And they did not even focus in his character that much. Most people say Mike has a spectacular forced conformity storyline waiting for s5 when we had a forced conformity storyline for Lucas but it was so sloppily written. I thought the forced conformity narrative is suppposed to be written good in any case for poc too, not just for your white character that you send a message with.

it feels like the duffers just don’t care enough to convey a cohesive message for lucas’ arc and/or don’t know how because on the one hand they’ve acknowledged several times the racism he faces both on and outside the show so they can’t even play dumb and yet they then constantly downplay what he goes through and so you end up with scenes like the end of s4 where he basically learns to know his place or whatever like..lucas is not in same boat as someone like mike who’s mainly bullied for being a nerd. he’s ostracized in a way that mike and dustin will literally never understand but the show almost never makes any attempt to show how he deals with that yet it’s explicitly talked about in an official book from his perspective (and i know lucas on the line is not technically canon but it’s still tied to netflix/st and if they had someone in the writer’s room who could’ve incorporated even part of the type of material from the book into the show i think it would’ve done wonders to flesh out his story) like i’m sorry if you’re gonna acknowledge that his situation is different than the rest of the party’s then you need to put more care into following through with that because the whole “i thought i wanted to be like you—popular, normal” scene was just..it felt like they were insinuating his main reason for joining basketball was just to be cool when we know it’s a lot more complex than that; he was trying to protect not only himself but his friends too even though they don’t face the same shit he does. and possibly even enjoy something new in the process god forbid. and you would think that he was ditching his friends and other interests for the basketball team when that’s not what happened at all? like he never started acting aloof with them or ignoring them, he was still very much in hellfire and he never turned his back on them he even used his status on the team to lure them away from where eddie was hiding even though everyone was saying he killed chrissy and lucas didn’t know what was going on yet. he never let his desire to fit in turn him into someone unrecognizable who needed to be taught a lesson and that’s why it pisses me off so bad that he was made to feel this deep regret in the end as if he made some huge mistake that he learned from because in reality he’s never been anything short of a loyal friend or strayed from his morals. and to top it all off mike and dustin get off the hook without having reflect on how they hurt lucas because apparently you should never support your friends unless you fully understand and agree with the things they want 👍🏼 idk.

i also think his conflicting feelings about helping his (ex) girlfriend deal with her grief for her canonically racist brother who traumatized and literally almost killed him would’ve been really interesting and important to explore especially since that most likely relates to the reasons he started feeling like it was urgent to fit in more in the first place but. none of that because this boy’s feelings are never taken into account

i also think everyone should read all of this

#and as far as mike stans go well if everything revolves around him in s5 and the writing for every other character was shit they’d still #call st the greatest show ever written and be dead serious about it so that’s what i’ll say about that lmao #so yeah this is all just my thoughts but i’d say the audience’s reception of lucas is equally their fault for not extending him the same #sympathy and interest as other characters and the writers for refusing to put more time and care into his storylines #*their own fault #asks #my brain is so fried for real right now sorry if this is super annoying to read

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fortheloveofarchons · 6 days

Text

My opinions on Sunday from Honkai: Star Rail

C.W. Contains spoilers after the 2.2 Honkai: Star Rail Trailblazer Quest + theories and lore

I kinda agree with his philosophies and thinking... to some extent...

Okay hear me out!!!

We all know by now that Sunday's whole motive is to protect everyone and ensure that they won't have to suffer anymore (like when he states that he wants everyone to have seven rest days). I can empathise with his character so much, as someone who (as ridiculous and cowardly as it sounds) is afraid to face the harsh realities of life. I mean, even if he's set as a villain, he is as gentle and empathetic as his sister Robin, just that they both express it differently.

Seeing the cutscenes of him and Robin from their past to the present was just so immersive, because Sunday brings up some very demoralizing and harsh situations that he faced back then, and we, the audience, can understand and relate to struggling to cope with his disappointment, frustration, grief, and anger - all while often having little to no power to change things.

From the way Sunday is acting, he seems more like a traumatised parental figure (as we've seen the reason why Robin has to wear excessive neck accessories due to her being shot) who cannot let go and provide his care and safe environment for his loved ones.

Moreover, his ideologies felt surreal as I myself would take that path since I can relate to his trauma and ideals (and also as someone who has a sibling too)

His viewpoint is understandable, but...

Taking away the basic right of an individual's free will for safety is always a controversial issue.

As Himeko once called out Sunday, she states that he's just going to trap everyone in a bird cage through eternal slumber, which robs them their freedom and agency.

Plus, from what Robin said, if Sunday's plan worked, he's going to hurt himself too. Because Sunday will be in charge of everything and everyone, he won't even have time to rest, causing his body and mind to be exhausted to the bone (maybe possible cause his mind and body to corrode cause he needs to rest at one point)

Moreover, Firefly made a good point disapproving Sunday's point that he should not assume just because someone is weak doesn't mean that they should automatically escape to fantasy. It is up to you to be strong so you can fly into the sky, and that not everyone who is weak should be weak.

I remember someone commenting on Youtube stating that Sunday protects Robin so much, that Sunday doesn't even know how to protect himself for facing the outside world. It's kind of ironic considering that Sunday is supposed to be the protective, influential type of characters in Penacony, yet he barely knows how to fly. Robin, however, took the opportunity to spread her philosophies of Harmony and influence others in reality.

In conclusion, Sunday has the right idea, it's just that he has a terrible execution. But I know that there are some people who don't mind, I've been on Instagram to see a lot of people agreeing with his views... yes I'm talking about all those sunday stans cause I've seen a lot from them

(I ain't complaining plz we need more Sunday content!!!)

I mean-- in reality I wouldn't agree; but in this story, I would agree with him. (if we don't consider my simping and bias because that has the most influence)

Honestly, I'm hoping he gets a redemption arc because I really love him (I personally wouldn't mind if Sunday gets the Wanderer treatment from Genshin Impact if it means that Sunday will be playable), and hoping that he is really alive (as stated by the leakers that Sunday has a bunch of specific codes and emotion codes that's exclusive to playable characters).

That said, may we Sunday havers have more Sunday content and playable Sunday in the future!!! I'm gonna write a fic for Sunday so stay tuned!!

Let me know what you guys think of Sunday! Do you think he'll get redeemed? Playable? Alive?

PETITION TO MAKE EVERYDAY SUNDAYYY!!!!!!

#honkai star rail #star rail #penacony #sunday hsr #honkai star rail sunday #robin hsr #robin honkai star rail #trailblazer #caelus hsr #stelle hsr #hsr lore #hsr theory

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laufire · 2 months

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tell me more about the Bruce Wayne womb envy theory

LOL. alright then.

tbh this was mostly a joke, born from this post (+ probably influenced by the way one of my mutuals talks about david 8 in the alien prequels but that's neither here nor there xDD)

(david 8 character of all time though. I have mixed opinions on both of those films but he as the common thread uniting them is *chef's kiss*)

(also I don't really believe these men / "men" in david's case want to be pregnant but that's because I can't conceive of anyone wanting to be pregant if nature has spared them the ability to become so whether they choose to or not, but I acknowledge those are MY gender issues. bruce can have others if he wants xD)

but if I was to take it seriously and run with it, I'd relate it to how I can see bruce... wanting to have had his kids earlier in life. seeing them grow, getting to enjoy them in those early stages when they're cute and fully depend on you and don't argue back, etc. that desire would be tinted with guilt in dick's case and to a lesser extent tim's, I suppose. I've always seen dick's parents and the environment in the circus presented as a positive one for dick (I have yet to read any of that court of owls shit lol), but I do think the drake's were neglectful/emotionally distant/not people tim could rely on, just not in the way or to the extent fanon presents. otoh... well, there's an argument to be made that maybe the waynes and the drakes weren't so different, or were around the same place in the spectrum of parenting in terms of good versus bad (source: thomas backhanding bruce in batman #430), and that bruce might've had blind spots with them as a result. I have yet to read any comic where bruce judges the drakes parenting though I wouldn't be surprised if they did exist, cause he's hypocritical like that. either way, I think tim's not in the same place as dick in this scale of guilt vs. saviour complex lol.

meanwhile in jason's, cass's, and damian's cases, that wouldn't be an issue because he'd seen it as sparing them pain / saving them. which wouldn't be innacurate, although there's an argument about whether being raised by bruce would've fucked them up in other ways lol.

and ironically, I think bruce would feel this saviour complex the most with jason, despite his situation with the todds (no matter whether you believe they were shitty parents or just fellow victims of circumstance or something in between) being objectively not as much of a shitshow as being raised the way cain raised cass OR being raised within a cult with the expectation of eventually leading it, like damian.

I attribute this to how bruce's classism always made him perceive taking jason in and adopting as the act of saving jason, both from his situation and from jason's "fate" of becoming a violent criminal himself, while cass and damian came to be in bruce's care under different circumstances. and second, to how bruce perceives jason's abilities vis a vis cass's or damian's. cass and damian were trained, obviously weren't born knowing, but they are "prodigies", if only because of how young they started. bruce doesn't even seem to contemplate the possibility of them distancing themselves from the fight. moreover, jason was trained later and by him, specifically because bruce felt lonely, all of which would add a feeling of responsibility for jason's end. but most of all, due to his death (+ might makes right + just world fallacy + other such fun things), jason's abilities are perceived by bruce as lesser, and as less of an ~inherent part of him.

so, yeah, jason will always trigger his saviour complex in an extra fun way xDD

all of this to conclude that now I have this vision of bruce having a weird dream soon after jason's death where things are happy at home (his parents are alive in the dream, because that's a prerequisite for a happy one), and dick is a much younger kid than he was when they first met (it's sort of implied dick is also biologically his but not outright stated), and he's pregnant, and he knows it's with jason, who's safe and sound encased in bruce's body, where nothing can reach him.

(I wrote a bruce + grief fic very recently already but this idea is also tempting me now ñalsdjfasf)

#talking to the void #replies #kittykatninja321 #can't believe I typed all that. oh well xD #my thoughts #dc thoughts #dc #dc comics #i need to sort out my tags. i always say that but i really need to lmao #continuities and volumes and shit #bruce wayne #bat clan #favourites: you raise sons #favourites: fucked up families #jason todd

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wc-confessions · 4 months

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Longtail is my favorite character. I love his character arc, how he acts as a narrative foil to Firestar, and how he starts out as a jerkass but grows to have a backbone, shows himself to be a loyal warrior with a heart of gold where it counts, rejects Tigerstar when lines in the sand have been crossed despite how much he once looked up to him, and eventually grows to be very loyal to Firestar. I wish people talked more about the scene where he saves Fire when Tiger tries to drown him even though they’re not at all on friendly terms yet. Also his mentor-apprentice relationship with Swiftpaw tears me apart but I live for all the fan content that shows their bond and how much regret he has to live with after Swiftpaw’s death.

To this day I have so many gripes with what happened to my boy post-TPB.

If there is a non-death equivalent of TV Tropes’ “Too Cool To Live,” Longtail is basically that. He had to be written out because if he weren’t forcibly removed from the action, then he would be the obvious choice to become deputy during Greystripe’s absence in TNP (and arguably should have been chosen over Greystripe in the first place; I do like Grey but he was not particularly loyal nor responsible in his youth). Longtail was still relatively young, healthy and fit, loyal, experienced, passionate. You cannot convince me that he wasn’t dealt a career-ending injury solely because the plot demanded Brambeclaw become deputy by the end of TNP.

I don’t think Longstar would have ever been realistic to expect because he’s not a central enough character and not related to Fire/Tiger, and because he would have been fairly old for a clan cat by the time of Firestar’s death, but maybe he could have held out as deputy till the end of TNP or even early PO3 and been given a cooler and more memorable death than what he got. But more on that later.

We all know how badly this series shafts its disabled characters. Maybe this is trivial to some, but I really hate the retcon about his blindness. When his vision started failing of natural causes, it was still frustrating for the reasons above but it at least seemed like he made a voluntary choice to retire early. He maintained a degree of agency, and he made his own decision under the circumstances rather than having it taken from him by the narrative. Having him get blinded by a rabbit of all things just feels like a cheap shot to move the plot along. If he were going to have a freak accident, at least make it less stupid than an experienced warrior getting his eyes scratched out by a prey animal.

Not that any of them are handled *well* by any means, but we have roughly this same character arc with so many other characters who are given more depth in coming to terms with a permanent disability or disfigurement and having it alter the course of their lives (Cinderpelt, Brightheart, later on Briarlight…) that we didn’t need this one to happen to prove any kind of point or to say something too much different than any of those other instances.

The silver lining of Longtail’s injury is that it allows us to see more of his friendship with Mousefur than we would have gotten if either of them had died younger, and/or if they had faded to being background characters in the ever-growing ThunderClan roster. I really adore their dynamic. I headcanon them as aroace besties (iirc though this is basically canon for at least Mousefur). I find it so lovely and refreshing that a m/f pair of characters, and ones who are mostly very likable at that, can have a platonic relationship with so much care for each other without it eventually going down the marriage-and-children path that most m/f relationships eventually do in this series.

However.

Longtail’s death, and Mousefur’s role in it, are possibly even more frustrating and narratively awful than even the accident that caused his blindness.

Having him go out in such a cheap and easily preventable way felt like such a fucking slap in the face to these beloved characters who have been around from the very beginning of the series. Longtail had his whole life redefined and turned upside down by one random, frustrating freak accident involving prey and he ultimately lost his life to another one. Mousefur’s character was mishandled so grossly here, and a cat who is usually pretty sensible and grounded lost her best friend because she couldn’t let one (1) mouse go in a moment of what I have to assume is senility.

I am at least glad the two got a proper send-off in the Great Battle, with them getting to reunite on-screen and his spirit guiding her to Starclan after she fell in battle. It doesn’t quite make up for everything else given that Longtail had so much unused potential while alive, but it all would have been so, so much more upsetting if they weren’t given at least that much to close their chapters.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk about Longtail. He is so dear to my heart and deserved so much better than most of what he got.

#text #anonymous #confession #warrior cats

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