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bangtanflirt · 2 years

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Ruin Me, Pretty Please? (Part 13)

Pairings: Jungkook x Reader x Jimin

NSFW CONTENT (18+ ONLY)

Summary: Jeon Jungkook is the campus’s it-boy. Y/N is a socially anxious recluse. When Jungkook accidentally witnesses Y/N’s sexually sadistic nature, it awakens a new side of him.

Part 1 > Part 2 > Part 3 > Part 4 > Part 5 > Part 6 > Part 7 > Part 8 > Part 9 > Part 10 > Part 11 > Part 12 > Part 13 > Part 14

Warnings: dom/sub dynamics, humiliation/degradation, female domination, anxiety disorder, toxic masculinity, jimin’s ex-domme returns and is a manipulative bitch, general angst

“Hyung! Hyung, please wait!”

Jimin turns to see an out-of-breath Jungkook stand before him, with distress etched onto his every feature.

“Not in the mood, Jeon.”

Jungkook’s heart falls to his stomach at the choice of words. He’s Jeon now. Not Kook.

“Look hyung, I can explain” he’s cut off by the need to catch his breath.

Jimin wishes the stupid bus would get here already.

“You don’t have to explain anything. It’s not my business.”

His words say one thing, but the teary-eyes and slumped shoulders tell a different story.

“I want to explain, hyung. I realize how stupid this sounds, but I only kissed her to keep up appearances. Tae’s been on my ass for a while about why I’ve been acting different…and I just…I just thought that if I acted like I used to, I could get him to drop it for now…”

“Jungkook, you don’t have to make up excuses to make me feel better, okay? I know what I signed up for, and it’s my problem to deal with these stupid feelings. You don’t have to pretend you want me for anything more than sex.”

The last sentence is barely audible if not for the excruciating stillness surrounding the two. Expressing feelings has never been Jungkook’s strong suit—his upbringing taught him to bury those skills to appear less ‘feminine.’ He hates that he feels frozen, both from the freezing outside air and from his own inability to communicate at times like this. It’s one thing to be vulnerable during sex, which he only recently found the confidence to do, but baring it all in non-sexual situations was positively a thousand times more terrifying.

____

Two days went by until Jungkook let you in on the details of that night, unable to look at you the entire time. Your sighs of disappointment didn’t make anything better.

“This is my fault” you huff dejectedly, “if I was just normal and not an anxious mess all the time, then we’d have no reason to hide this and make it all so complicated.”

Jungkook finally looks at you, despising what he’s hearing.

“Y/N, this is not on you” he says as firmly as he can manage, “even if you were cool with telling people, I’d still be scared to. I care way too much about what Taehyung and others think about me. God, I’m so pathetic.”

You lightly smack his arm, warning him to stop whatever’s going on in his head at the moment.

“Jeon Jungkook, you are not pathetic in the slightest. Look, no more pity partying for either of us right now. How’s Jimin doing? We haven’t talked since before the party, but I just thought he was busy with school.”

“He’s been ignoring all my calls and texts since that night. I hate that I froze. I wish I had the balls to tell him it wasn’t just sex, but the words just kept getting stuck in my throat.”

“Is it actually more than sex for you?”

“Is it not…for you?”

You don’t respond, holding your head in your arms instead. You don’t see it, but Jungkook’s face goes white. The lack of an answer has his breath caught in his throat.

“Y/N” his voice is strained and hushed, as if he’s scared to speak at all, “please answer me.”

You don’t lift your head up, and for a moment Jungkook thinks you won’t respond at all. But thankfully, he’s wrong.

“It is. It is more than sex for me too,” your pry yourself out of your own palms, facing the relieved man in front of you, “it’s pointless, though. I can’t have a boyfriend—let alone two—with my disorder. Hell, I couldn’t even go to Sana’s party with Jimin because it terrified me.”

“Y/N, we have all the time in the world to figure all of that out together. Right now, Jimin needs to know he’s wanted. He needs to know how we feel about him.”

____

Jimin hates the voices in his head. He hates the broken record player that reminds him how unlovable he is, how his body is the only desirable thing about him. He hates that he’s only valuable until he’s used up. Until people get tired of his body and move on.

He also hates how the source of the voice is sitting on his sofa right now, swirling around a glass of wine and looking as comfortable as ever.

Seo Ha-Sun, the cause of countless scars on both his body and mind, is in his living room—by his own invitation, nonetheless.

“I always knew you’d come back, pup. No one else knows how to put you in your place.” Her sickeningly sweet tone makes his skin crawl.

“You were right. I’m not good for anything more than sex. I thought I could be. I tried so hard. But it’s useless.”

Ha-Sun revels in the sight in front of her: a meek little shell of a man. It’s the Jimin she likes the most.

“Better to learn now than never. You’re getting smarter baby.” She leans in at the last part, trailing her fingers up and down Jimin’s white button-up. Jimin watches in resignation as she works each button undone; he’s not enjoying nor hating the touch. He feels a little dirty, but mostly numb.

Her fingers are soft on his bare torso, but it feels like a thousand thorns everywhere they touch. It hurts to let her touch him again. To give himself to her again. But it hurts a million times less than feeling unwanted by you and Jungkook.

Her lips graze his ear, giving a small peck before whispering into them.

“You’ll always belong to me, Park Jimin.”

He lets the words soak into his skin, accepting them as truth while her lips latch onto his neck.

A knock at the door pulls him out of the moment, much to Ha-Sun’s visible displeasure. He springs up on his feet before she can protest.

He opens the door, unnerved at seeing the visitors on the other side. You stand there, taking in his unbuttoned shirt and disheveled appearance. A timid Jungkook stands behind you, shrinking himself down as small as possible.

“Do you have company?” You try to make the words sound casual, but neither your voice nor Jungkook’s distraught visage were hiding the hurt.

“I do. Is that a problem?” He answers impassively.

You’re about to shake your head and retreat, but something very familiar has you unable to move.

The scent that emanates from Jimin is a scent you’d recognize anywhere. It’s the same flowery perfume that used to fill every corner of Jimin’s apartment when he first met you. You knew how much he grew to hate that scent, as well as the woman who wore it, so smelling it now has you on high alert.

On any other day and in any other circumstance, you would turn on your heel and respect his boundaries. But not right now.

You push past the surprised man and dart straight to the source of your worries, not even registering the two men who are hurriedly following your steps.

“Why the fuck are you here?” You snap, tone pointed like a sword at the smug woman on the couch.

“I, unlike you, was invited. So, if you’ll please excuse us, Jimin and I were in the middle of something.”

“Cut the bullshit Ha-Sun. You’re not going anywhere near him.”

Ha-Sun breaks out into a Cheshire grin, eyes glancing over to the man in question.

“Why don’t we ask him instead?”

____

A/N: Thank you for reading, you lovely people!

Tag list: @ttaekookss @lolalee24 @sweeneyblue1 @bandaged-despair @mwitsmejk @madygswich @namjooncrabs @akshstudios @severely-mentally-ill @everythangggoes @nikkiordonez12 @lathraios @channiespup @dreamamubarak @xoxostrawberrymilkxoxo @sonje78 @shadowmoon21

#jungkook x reader x jimin #jikook x reader #bts smut #sub jungkook #sub jimin #domme reader #bts university au #bts au

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slugtranslation-hypmic · 3 years

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Hihihi this is may be a weird question but is your opinion on the main hypmic cast?

In brief:

(Spoiler alert: It was not brief. Stuck under a cut for length)

Ichirou: He's a good kid. I wasn’t super into him at first, as main protagonists very rarely hold my interest, but I appreciate him now for the struggles he goes through and the growth he’s experienced across the series.

Jirou: Jirou is also a good kid in his own way. I didn’t know what to do with him for a while, but now I feel like I understand him too. I don’t think he quite gets what makes Ichirou be as loved as he is, nor does he really understand what makes people love him for who he is. But that’s okay. He’ll get it someday.

Saburou: If you had tasked me as a fourteen year old to create an idealized anime boy sona, I would have come up with someone shockingly similar to Saburou. I’m fond of him. He can be a bit mean at times in a very fourteen way, but deep down, he’s a good kid too. All the BBs are good kids.

Samatoki: I just can’t not make fun of him. His posturing is so ridiculous to me that I am constantly filled with the urge to clown on him. Oh, you think you’re so tough? You think you’re a big tough guy? Well, I’m just a little bastard; what are you going to do about it? But underneath the posturing, I do feel sorry for him and admire his strengths a lot. He’s a good kid too under a very funny exterior.

Juuto: I’m enjoying learning more about him from the BB/MTC+ manga, but I’m a bit surprised at how much of a dick he is even deep down. Still, he has plenty of good qualities too, and I like him in a vague sort of way. I’d throw fruit at him over a fence but wouldn’t put any malice in it.

Riou: What a delightful individual he is. The BB/MTC chapter about him really resonated with me. For a character so outwardly obsessed with the military, Riou has an incredible understanding of the weight of his actions and such a deep appreciation for every living thing. There’s a lot of his depth to his simplicity, and the level of care he exhibits towards everyone is delightful to witness. An absolute favorite among the cast.

Ramuda: Self-recognition through the other (derogatory). In all seriousness, Ramuda’s story arc and actions are great narrative tools for me to examine some things about myself and grow to try to be a better, more considerate person towards myself and others. I want to see him achieve freedom and happiness.

Gentarou: I enjoy Gentarou quite a bit, although I think he gets overshadowed by the other members of Fling Posse at times due to my sheer passion for Dice and Ramuda. He’s my favorite character to translate at the moment, which is apparently heresy among Hypmic translators. More than the sheer fun of writing his witty banter, I find him to be a very intriguing individual, and I’m excited to learn more about him. I want his happiness too.

Dice: Oh, Dice... He’s a really good kid in a way that the BBs could never be. He’s deceptively good, and he does choose to hurt other people and himself in ways that characters like Ichirou don’t. But he also finds the goodness in the oddest places, like a person finding a coin in a cracked sidewalk, and that’s delightful. His narrative is one of the most compelling for me. What a champion of a character.

Jakurai: Wow, what a good foil for Ramuda. Let me bounce narratives off of you like a mirror. I’m slowly learning to find him compelling in his own right, however. This is also a self-recognition through the other (derogatory) scenario, but there’s more of an emphasis on the derogatory part.

Hifumi: A funny little individual bearing a lot of sadness and a whole lot more courage. Like most of Matenrou, I admire him a lot, but I think that Matenrou resonates much more strongly with other people than they do for me, so I prefer to sit back and let other people appreciate them. I think he’s very brave and very fun to read/write.

Doppo: The biggest fucking mood in existence. When you move past the stereotypical aspects, you end up with another character who has a lot of deep flaws but also an incredible amount of courage. I’m excited to see where they go with him, but again, I’ll sit back and let others take the first row here.

Kuukou: Having already drafted Saburou, if you came back to me at age eighteen and asked me to make an idealized anime boy sona, you would probably have ended up with a character astonishingly like Kuukou. He brings me sheer joy. Astonishingly, I feel like Kuukou has exhibited the least growth out of any of the cast, and yet I do not mind a bit. He is the closest to the perfect man I have ever met. I would drop everything to be this dude’s homie if he existed in real life. Just a champion individual.

Juushi: Juushi’s a good kid. I’m very fond of him and like writing him, but much like Matenrou, I feel like he does a lot more for other people than he does for me. Therefore, much of how I work with him is less, “How do I enjoy this character as a reader?” and more “How do I nurture the traits about him that other people love?”

Hitoya: Hitoya strikes me as a damn good person with a lot of heart who sometimes lets his anger drive him a bit too much. He’s also utterly ridiculous, of course, but I try to write him with as much strength as possible to be present behind his words. He honestly seems like a great person to know in real life, not simply as a fictional character, as well.

Sasara: I have to clown on him to assert dominance. Joking aside, I admire the depths of his character and the growth he’s shown over the series. He can be pretty callous at times and goes to odd lengths to get what he wants, but I think he’s now starting to realize how much his actions affect other people. For a while I was really in his camp as a hardcore Sasara lover (back before he was a main cast member - I love writing quirky minor characters), but now I approach him with the idea mentioned above, ie how I can present him for other people.

Roshou: Whenever he’s around the rest of Dotsu Hon, I think he’s kind of an idiot. I mean that in the best way possible. It’s very endearing. Yet moments when he’s on his own are where I think he best shines, and I would love to see more solo material for him. He’s an incredibly good support character, and I admire his passion for his students.

Rei: I really enjoy asshole antagonists, which is why I liked Ramuda for a while before the clone story came up behind me and struck me into the ground with its mighty fists. Now Rei fills this role. I would love to learn more about him and team up with the Buster Bros to pelt him with rotten eggs in a fun bonding activity. I’m sure there is some strong backstory that will absolve him of at least some of his shittiness, but until now, I’m still not excusing his whole abandoning his children thing, not to mention the human trafficking thing he pulled with Ramuda.

Otome: I hate translating her, if only because she and Rei frequently talk about things in extremely vague terms that I have no context for. It’s hard to make her sound idiomatic in English while also not shooting myself in the foot by accidentally filling in the wrong information. But with that aside, she’s okay. I like her, I guess. Her motivations are pretty interesting.

Ichijiku: Ichijiku was written for people who are sexually attracted to women, and I’m not at all, so I 100% approach her in terms of her pull on other people. She’s fun on her own, though, and I’m impressed at her ability to walk in high heels. Her complete disrespect for everyone but Otome brings me no end of entertainment in reading and writing.

Nemu: YOU. Maybe this is some stupid toxic masculinity thing, but I always feel embarrassed speaking affectionately about male characters but not at all about female characters. Therefore Nemu gets all of my loveposting. She’s a wonderful girl! She has such a strong spirit, and I’m completely overjoyed that she’s making her own decisions and becoming her own character defined on her own terms. I want to watch her grow up big and strong. Fuck yes, baby girl! Fuck it up! I’m very proud of her.

#not a translation #asks #hypmic asks

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popanalysis99 · 3 years

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Women abusing men in pop culture: Why is it taken so lightly?

We all know how horrible it is when us women are physically, emotionally and mentally abused by men. But when a man suffers the same with the woman being an abuser, why is it taken lightly and brushed off?

For many years, domestic violence has mostly focused on women as the victims and men as the perpetrators. If the domestic violence case involves a man as the victim, it goes unnoticed because men refuse to report it otherwise they will be embarrased, ridiculed or mocked for their struggles.

Men who report domestic abuse will face a social stigma regarding their lack of machismo and other denigrations of their masculinity. And not just that, they end up being accused of abusing the woman they are in relationship with or they are forced to be separated from their kids if they want to leave their abusive wives.

When men are expected to take responsibility for their actions, no excuses are accepted, but when the women are the perpetrators of the abuse, they are given the excuses such as: stress, menopause etc.

Why can’t men report abuse?

There are many reasons as to why men can’t file a domestic violence case against their abusers which are:

Fear of not being believed

Fear of not being able to see their kids

Fear of being accused for the abuse due to society prejudices

Fear of revenge by the abuser

Fear of the abuser making fake allegations against him in order to look more innocent.

Fear of being left homeless

There are even long lasting effects of the victims of female-on-male abuse which are:

Low self-esteem

Anger

Depression

Anxiety

Loneliness

Sleeping Problems

Substance Abuse

When Domestic Abuse against Men is brushed off in the media.

There have been countless depictions of domestic abuse in the media, with both female and male victims. But when it’s the female victim, it’s a serious matter, but when it’s a male victim, either people laugh at it or treat it as justifiable or treat the female abuser as some sort of a “ feminist girlboss”.

Mostly in Anime when a female character abuses a man, it’s treated as comedy. Most of the scenarios involve them accidentally walking in on them changing or accidentally crashing into their bodies unintentionally and then they get beaten up for it and are falsely accused of being a “pervert”. The anime Baka To Test To Shokanjuu perfectly sums this up when the lead female characters bullies and humiliates the main male characters. Minami and Shouko are the biggest examples when they are shown physically abusing their boyfriends for smallest mistakes they make.

This happens a lot in TV shows as well, mostly in comedies. Like in Two and a Half Men, which sends a toxic message that “men will be men”, it also shows that Judith is a much bigger bastard like them, possibly a sociopath. She divorces Alan out of boredom, then proceeds to financially and mentally abuse him for sadistic pleasure and frames him for being a horrible father to Jake. She hates it whenever Alan shows a bit of independence and goes out of her way to make sure he will be miserable forever. She does it again with her new husband Herb, who is only flaw is being nice to everyone around him and still misuses his trust and uses him as her personal punching bag. Honestly, I wished the show would’ve ended with her ending up alone and homeless for everything she did.

Another example of this was in The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Before there was Amy Dunne from Gone Girl, there was Janet. when Will begins dating his friend Jazz’s sister and while they are at a restaurant, she drops her sweet facade to reveal herself as a tyrannical sociopath who controls Will based on what he eats, where will he go to college and what will he do with his life. When he tells Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv, they brush it off. But one day when Carlton tells her off about what a horrible human being she is, she immediately becomes polite and drawn to him. So the message that they showed here is that it’s the guy’s fault if they don’t stand up for themselves, while his controlling girlfriend gets away with irreversibly ruining the lives of almost everyone who didn’t meet her expectations.

A bigger example of female-on-male abuse in dramatic shows was in the series Mr. Robot.

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In the series, Angela Moss is the best friend/crush of the protagonist Elliot Alderson. Her only goal in life is to get justice for her mother’s death at the hands of E Corp and become the most powerful woman in the world. While it’s understandable that she is stuck in a male-dominated workplace and how the E Corp CTO and her ex-boyfriend treated her badly, she begins to misuse her victim mentality and ends up getting brainwashed by Whiterose. She then begins to psychologically abuse and gaslight Elliot in order to complete Stage 2 and not just that, she even emotionally abuses him when he finds out and plays the victim in this entire debacle, she sees not listening to Elliot and Darlene when he tries to warn her about the Stage 2 bombings as her personal “feminist” moment. And then weeks after the attack, due to her clinging onto her beliefs about Whiterose’s machine, she begins to blame Elliot for manipulating her into telling him about Whiterose’s plan when she herself was the one doing the same thing to him. While Whiterose’s manipulation was mostly the main reason for this, another part of it was probably because she was jealous of how Elliot was the “chosen one” in taking down E Corp and wanted to punish him for it and take over the mantle.

Most of the fans saw her actions as “sympathetic” and “justifiable”, with some of them calling her treatment of Elliot, who was nothing but kind to her the entire time, a “feminist girlboss move” and overlooked the fact that she psychologically tortured Elliot and reminded him that he was worthless and nobody was going to love him, not even Angela herself. Even if there were some fans who called her out for doing this and pointed out how horrible it was, others would brush their opinions off as “misogynistic” and “sexist” because “they apparently don’t like seeing a powerful corporate woman.”

Angela even kinda represented a privileged white feminist who believed that she was the only one struggling with issues and had bigger problems than anyone else, overlooking the fact that her friends that were on the lower position than her and brushed them off because her issues were more traumatic than theirs.

It even further showed a lot of double standard of Angela and Elliot manipulating someone to do their job. While both actions were horrible, Elliot got a lot of hate and scrutiny for blackmailing Olivia and drugging her coffee with the drugs she tried to stay clean from, calling it as something he “crossed a line in”. But when Angela almost did the same thing with him and drugged him as well, it was treated as “sympathetic” and “heroic” by the fans and treated her as some sort of a “feminist” for it, overlooking the fact that she was abusing a man to the point he almost lost his self esteem. At some point I even saw someone say that Angela did “nothing wrong” at all and didn’t like how Elliot was in season 3, was it because he was trying to stop her from going through with an attack that could kill thousands? Did they expect him to stay silent, not stand up for himself and let Angela stomp him a lot?

Conclusion

Abuse is something which is extremely serious, whether it’s a female or male victim. Like the female victims, men too deserve to have their voices heard and taken seriously if something terrible happens to them and we should believe them.

Here are the helpine numbers if you or someone you know is facing domestic abuse:

Central Social Welfare Board -Police Helpline - 1091/ 1291, (011) 23317004

SAARTHAK - (011) 26853846/ 26524061

Nirmal Niketan - (011) 27859158

National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1.800.799.SAFE

National Domestic Abuse Helpline - 0808 2000 247

#tw abuse #domestic abuse #domestic violence #emotional abuse #gaslighting #female on male abuse #two and a half men #anime #the fresh prince of bel air #mr. robot #mr robot

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erosia-rhodes · 3 years

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Top 9 Newbie thoughts on Supernatural after Six Months of Madness

I started watching Supernatural a week before the series finale, and full disclosure, it was only because I heard about the gay angel. I loved me some Good Omens, so I decided to check out a series my only previous thoughts about had been, "Is that show still on?" In the past six months, I've watched about fifty percent of the episodes scattered across all fifteen seasons. I've also spent time following the bonkers-in-the-best-way fandom on Tumblr, and here is what I have learned:

1) Everyone who loves Supernatural also hates Supernatural

No one is capable of praising this show without also trashing it. Supernatural is as awful as it is awesome. Watching Supernatural is like hate-fucking your nemesis against a wall; you're totally conflicted about it, but it's enormously pleasurable and you know you're going to do it over and over again. No one has a pure, untainted love for this show. They only have complicated emotions. This is because…

2) The fact that the show needs to be fixed is an essential part of its appeal

Strangely, if this show were better, it wouldn't be as popular. If you love a show that is perfect, you watch it once or twice or thrice, make a bunch of memes, and move on with your life two years later when you find something else to hyper-fixate on. If you love a show that's broken, you spend the rest of your life obsessed with fixing it. It's the crooked photo hanging on the wall that yearns to be straightened (because, you know, this show is bad at making things straight). It's the stray dog you know would be adoptable if you fattened it up and socialized it with your other dogs, and just like some people can't stop rescuing animals, Supernatural fans can't stop thinking about how to fix a show that isn't great, but could be with a flea bath and a trip to the groomers. Supernatural fans are not fans of the actual show, but of the show they imagine it could be, one that only exists in an alternate universe. They are in love with the Platonic ideal of Supernatural. That's also the reason why…

3) The fans understand the characters and themes better than 95% of the people who worked on the show

The people who watch Supernatural have thought about it way, way, way, more than anyone who produced it. I have read complex essays about what the color of people's clothing imply and how the state of the Impala reflects the state of Dean's mental health and other things I'm certain this show did not do intentionally. People can find depth in the shallowest aspects of this series. Any random fan could explain the complicated dynamics of the Winchester family and the overriding themes of the series better than most of the people who worked on it. That includes the LGBTQ stuff, which leads to the fact that…

4) The show is simultaneously too gay and not gay enough

On one end of the spectrum are fans who are offended you would dare to suggest one of the Winchesters might like kissing a boy and they'll shove you in a locker and duct tape your butt cheeks together for it. On the other end of the spectrum are fans who think it's odd that every episode doesn't end with two attractive men dry humping in a dark corner of the bunker library. No one is happy with the level of gayness on this show. It's always got too much "No Homo" or too much queer subtext, which is why I've concluded that…

5) The audience this show wanted is not the audience they got and they are resentful of it

The original pitch for this show targeted a male demographic who’s into toxic masculinity in a non-ironic way. It was about bros and beers and muscle cars and shotguns and hot chicks who will be killed to further the man's storyline. However, when making that show, they accidentally created a show that attracted female viewers who liked speculating about the queer subtext of each scene while looking at pretty men with traumatic backstories fight back their man tears. The show depends on the unintended audience segment to survive, but is bitter about it, which they remind you of time and time again by killing the female and non-white characters and toying with endless queer-baiting. It's like the writers got a plane to Rome, ended up in a gay nightclub in Amsterdam instead, and even though the canals and tulips make it a lovely city to visit, they wanted to go to Rome, damnit, and they'll never let you forget it! I also suspect that…

6) The people who made this show were at constant war with each other

This show has such a split personality. Sometimes it leans into the gay stuff and other times it makes fun of it outright. Sometimes they'll introduce an interesting side character that could make the show more diverse and then they'll slaughter that person for practically no reason. Sometimes they praise free will and other times they force people down pre-destined paths. The writers feel like a dysfunctional family stuck at Thanksgiving dinner endlessly squabbling with each other—who then had to write a TV show together over dessert. That's why it's such a weird hot mess. The show's unevenness makes me think that…

7) Some people's attachment to the show can only be explained by the fact that it imprinted on them when they were young

Some fans have mentioned they started watching Supernatural when they were kids. It's a pretty common experience to go back and watch things you loved when you were a kid and realize they were…not so good. Your memories of them are far better than the reality of them, but you cling to them anyway. The shows you watch when you're young imprint on you in a way you never forget. Supernatural fans are like a baby duck who looks up at a cat and assumes it’s their mother. Then that cat slices open their poor little hearts, leaving them wounded but not dead, forever be toyed with in agony. The only relief is that…

8) The fandom is batshit insane in the best way

I started following the Supernatural fandom on Tumblr in November of 2020 and OMG, it was AH-MAZE-ING. It was total insanity. I didn't understand half of what was going on, but it was more fun than a yard full of puppies doing zoomies. People were posting detailed PowerPoint presentations theorizing how the series would end, citing extensive physical evidence like the background in Misha's hotel room. People learned election results through Supernatural memes. Destiel went canon every other week. When the Spanish dub was released, Tumblr literally crashed! Obama's Twitter was following a Destiel account. There was a Twitter wedding for Destiel on Valentine's Day, which made the one-month anniversary on Pi Day.

It's been a ride, y'all. I have no idea how you guys survived fifteen years of this. The fandom has been so much fun that I actually sat down and watched more than 100 hours of this show so I could understand everything better. It's like the show is an extension of the fandom instead of vice versa. If anything sums up Supernatural for me, that's it. It's all about the fandom and the show is secondary to that. It's like the fans willed the show into existence as part of some partially botched spell. And part of that twisted spell is that…

9) The show will never die until someone finds its bones and burns them

This show has been off the air for more than six months now and it keeps trending on Tumblr consistently. Misha recently trended on Twitter simply because he was at the Oscars. That was it! He didn't even do anything there, he just attended, and some people figured it out by the reflection in a photo posted by someone else! And just as I was proofreading this post, Destiel started trending again because John Cena is a stan or something? This fandom is crazy and unpredictable and I love it like Dean loves pie! If there ever does come a time when this show stops trending, that will be the moment when they decide to reboot it or revisit it.

There is a lot more I could say about this show, but these were the elements that seemed most unique and bizarre about it. I wouldn't say Supernatural is a ride-or-die fandom for me, and I have no intention of watching another 100 hours of this series, but it's been hella' fun to drop in for a while. The show is just as much a dysfunctional mess as the Winchester family and I guess that's why people love it, right?

#supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #misha collins #destiel #the cw #tv #television

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icarushasfallenfromthestars · 3 years

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hi!! do u mind if i request? maybe a tommy x reader who’s been struggling recently, with like getting out of bed, doing homework and stuff, and one day she doesn’t respond all day (probably just lying in bed all day or sm) and tommy goes to her house to see what’s up and comforts her and tries to help (even tho he’s lowkey bad at it he can always make u laugh that’s fax) and they kinda have like a ‘self care/help day’ with face masks and movies and unending laughter? thank u so much!!

Oooooo my first writing request! By the way it's written, I assume the reader is a female so that's what is gonna be written! Thanks for requesting!

I accidentally made this a little more dramatic than intended...

I Don't Know What To Do (So I'll Make You Smile) (Plat!Tommyinnit x F!Reader)

He didn't quite understand why you became so... Unmotivated lately. You briefly mentioned that you couldn't drag yourself over to your desk, let alone bring yourself to do the homework your teacher assigned.

Normally he didn't care too much and always said (jokingly) about how you should drop out of school and become a minecraft streamer. He got heavily scolded by Philza for suggesting it though. Normally, though.

Lately he's been taking glances at your report cards when you weren't looking and saw you mostly has C's and D's down the board. You were failing.

At the time, he didn't know how to bring it up or whether or not he should, and asked Philza Minecraft for help on what he should do. Phil explained to him that your mental situation was actually looking pretty bad and he suggested that Tommy go check up on you as soon as possible.

So, like any modern day teen, he texted you way more often than before, anything from asking if you wanted to hang out or stream with him, or sending you some stupid tiktok he found.

At first it was working and Tommy couldn't help but feel proud of himself. But then one day you didn't text him back.

His brain just told him you were busy at that time and left it at that, but then it struck 6pm and he still recieved no response.

A little annoyed by being ignored, Tommy threw on a quick sweater and his shoes before heading to the door. After a quick shout to his mother, explaining that he was heading to your house, he stepped out and walked across the pavement.

Within a few steps, he was standing at your door awkwardly. Normally he would've just burst in with a lame yet some how dramatic greeting to your parents before storming to your room (it happened at least four times a week. They got used to it within the first month.) but now... Something held him back.

Were you okay? Were you ignoring him on purpose? Maybe he was being a bit too dramatic?

Ah. Since when has that ever stopped him?

With a sudden burst of confidence, he grabbed the doorknob and let himself in. Your parents were at work so he made sure to be extra annoying this time, pay back for ignoring him! "I'm breaking into your home!" He yelled dramatically after reaching out and pressing the doorbell a few times to alert his existence even more.

He took his shoes off and made his way to your room, the pathway ingrained into his mind at this point.

When he reached the door, he gave a brief knock (he had manners. Sometimes.) Before turning the knob. "You better be decent for both of our sanity!" He called before finally opening it.

Your room looked... Empty... at first. In the beginning, he thought you weren't home, that is until the blankets began to shift and there was an annoyed groan.

"Soooo dramatiiiiic..." You huffed, unfurling yourself from your cocoon of blankets to glare at him jokingly, but he looked more surprised.

"You look like you got hit with a bus!"

"Well screw you too..."

Tommy snorted before awkwardly sitting on the edge of your bed. "So.. why haven't you been up today? Or... Well.. Passing your classes?"

You were definitely shocked that Tommy noticed, and part of you wanted to joke to ease the tension, but you figured that would make it harder on him. "Well... See... I've been struggling a lot with my mental state and everything just became really stressful, but even then I couldn't do it... And.. Well still can't.."

"Why... Not?" He looked at you in confusion and you just shrugged slightly, running your hand through your bedhead... Which you could see Tommy trying his absolute hardest not to snicker at.

"I don't really feel motivated... I can't even really get out of bed.."

The blond boy gave you an awkward pat on the arm, making you roll your eyes. "Uhhh.. You.. wanna watch a movie? Or... Oh! Maybe we could go egg Wilbur's house while he's off being a simp for Nikki!"

You scoffed and began to laugh into your hand which caused Tommy to greatly relax. "That's hours away, Tommy... We'd never get there before my parents get back. But we can watch a movie?"

"You're no funnnn!" He whined dramatically with a slight hint of a smile before shaking his head, "Go at least brush your hair while I find a movie, it looks like a porcupine got struck by lightening."

You rolled your eyes and slowly began to shuffle out of bed to make your way to the bathroom while Tommy turned on the TV in your room, having been here enough times that he knew how to use it.

When you came back, mostly cleaned up with a sweater thrown over your pajamas, you saw Tommy putting on one of his favourite comedy movies. There was also some snacks he had probably raided your kitchen or secret candy stash for, but you didn't mind. You flopped back down into your bed, while Tommy hit play.

"I never under stand why women always make such a bit deal over pulling those face mask things off of their face!" Tommy gestured to the scene that was playing in the movie. "Also why do they need so many face products? Doesn't water and dish soap do the trick?"

"You do NOT use dish soap on your face!" You gaped at his response to the movie. "And trust me... Those peel masks hurt." You saw Tommy roll his eyes for a moment before you got an idea. "Wanna try?"

The teen looked at you as if you were high on glue, but then he saw the challenging look in your eyes, and everyone knows that Tommy Big Man Innit NEVER backs down from a challenge. Or maybe he knew it would make you happy? "It can't be that bad!"

You knew he was gonna regret that.

You paused the movie while you scrambled to get your skin care products ready. First you made him wash his face, moisturize, etc etc, which he complained about non stop, but you always told him to quit whining or he was admitting to losing against the woman in the movie. He instantly quit complaining, calling the actress and pansy and hell bent determined to prove himself as an alpha male.

You made him put his hair back with a cheap headband you had, which caused his blond locks to practically flare out in every direction. After laughing about it for a minute, you made him sit down so you could paint the mask on.

"Sit still!"

"But it feels weird!"

"Keep quiet or this brush is going up your nose!"

"You wouldn't DARE."

"Wanna bet on it?"

After about five minutes of even more whining, you finally got the masks painted on you both as Tommy decided to take a picture of himself for Twitter to meme about.

Tommyinnit

Women are weird with their face skin care stuff...

While you both waited for the masks to dry, you had some how convinced Tommy to let you paint his nails but ONLY if he could do yours as well. We all know Tommy isn't about that toxic masculinity.

Once it was dry, you could see Tommy scrunching his face repeatedly, most likely not used to the unusual feeling. "Can I take this off now? I'm determined to prove myself better than those actors!"

You bit your lip to hide your grin as you gave a nod. Because yours was also dry, you showed him how to find an edge and how to pull it off.

"Ow! What the hell!?"

You snickered as you watched Tommy begin to yelp in pain as he began to pull the mask off, only able to do tiny tiny little bits at a time before needing a moment to gather himself, eyes watering.

You, being a boss, were already majority of the way done pulling the face mask off causing Tommy's jaw to d r o p. "You're a literal hell spawn! How are you not bawling your eyes out from the pain?!"

"I've done this quite a lot of times honestly. It's not that bad." You lied through your teeth. Honestly it hurt quite a lot, but you were just enjoying seeing Tommy gawk at you before trying to peel the mask off more, only to yelp and whine.

It took twenty minutes, and eventually, he got the product off and stared at his reddened face in the mirror. He decided to take another picture (with permission) for Twitter with you being a smug little shit while his eyes were still watery and his skin still irritated.

Tommyinnit

I respect women even more now...

(Yourusername)

@/tommyinnit Wimp.

#tommyinit mcyt #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit x y/n #dream smp #tommyinnit #mcyt #mcyt x reader #platonic x reader

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amispnrewatch · 3 years

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SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

#SPN 1x06 #amispnrewatch #reclaiming spn #performing!dean #lawboy #bi!dean #dean x cassie #dean x lee #stiles stilinski #void!stiles #teen wolf #dean deserved better

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rosealine-bishop · 3 years

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Greaseball Headcanons

Okay so, @marastriker and I were talking last night about some GB headcanons. Not all were happy. But Im of the strong belief that no one starts out being the way they are and that their circumstances change and make them the way they are. So, playing off of that, here are some headcanons I've got about GB. (Some HCs may be familiar because they're also on this post here since they and I also were talking about other things and got to talking about potential kids and how GB & Dinah + Electra & CB would be as parents)

Anywho, I've talked about the background long enough, let's get to the main post.

(Might make this a two parter because it genuinely gets so so long)

(also @sweet-dining-car this is the post I mentioned)

TW: abuse, alcoholism, death, violence

So, for starters, GB wasn't always the way he is now. (Even now he actually deflects and has created this persona of a meathead who can be a total dick, but genuinely he's just a soft and nice guy at heart) Back when he was a kid, he actually was the cutest and sweetest kid out there. He was always so nice to all the other trains, and acting as a protector for all of the other trainlets (even if he was the runt of the litter. He just wanted to be like his favorite super hero: Captain America)

He would always be seen trailing Poppa or getting the most upset and doing his best to cheer up Poppa whenever he was having a bad day or looked even the slightest bit upset.

On that same note, Momma to him was like a second mother and both her and Poppa were the perfect relationship. (yes in my HCs Momma and Poppa exist together and same for the Hip Hoppers and the Rockies)

Unfortunately, at home, it wasn't as good as he could imagine it was in the train yard. At home, his dad was the biggest homophobic and toxic masculine guy you can image. A raging alcoholic with gigantic anger issues. He would constantly beat GBs mom and sometimes GB too.

His dad believed that BECAUSE he was the runt, that constant abuse would make him stronger. GB used to be the biggest cry baby but through years and years of abuse, would learn to hide it and "be a man"

His mother would sneak in some vinyls she managed to get for GB of Elvis or Frank Sinatra or anyone else she could find and she would help him hide everything when his dad would get home from work.

GB has always had a soft spot for dining cars because his mom worked close by them and he would sometimes visit her at work when he was way younger.

GB isnt actually straight. He's bi but represses it and hides behind the toxic masculinity because he made the mistake of telling his dad when his dad had a good week and he was almost beaten within the edge of his life. (and since that day, the abuse towards him was actually way worse)

GB would hide any of the abuse behind clothing and sunglasses and a cool guy persona. He would use it to deflect and pretend that nothing was wrong at home.

Eventually when GBs parents split (which was close to him turning 18), his dad managed to convince the court that his mom was unfit to be a parent. (Him and his mom talked about it before and agreed that in the end if the court asks GB his opinion on where he wants to live, he would choose his dad and then go find her when he turns 18. Because that way it would be best for the two of them)

So, at 18 he left without telling anyone and went to go find his mom. However, he never did and in fact found out about the fate of his mom from a phone call, telling him that she was found beaten to death. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

GB actually blames himself for his mother's death, but like a good son, uses whatever money he had earned to give his mom a proper burial.

When he has to go back to get her personal belongings, he takes all the photos and rips his dad out of all of them and hangs them around his small one bedroom apartment. He even managed to find some old recordings of his mom singing and some old home videos. (he cherishes those and will play them when he's sad so that he never forgets his mom. and in a way he always has a part of her with him)

He actually is really good at metal working (thank you mara for this headcanon) so he uses his skills to make his necklace from one of his mom's old earrings so she's always with him and in a way that necklace becomes his lucky necklace in all his early races.

Speaking of races, his first race outfit wasn't the best quality at all. He didn't have much so he created the whole outfit from scratch and he actually used to hide his face no matter what, behind a poorly made train helmet, to hide from the risk of his dad finding him.

The longer he was away from that situation, the more he actually would hide behind the early version of the persona that he has now. He's always idolized Elvis and he holds a spot close to his heart for the singer, that he started slowly changing his appearance to look more like Elvis.

He started working out so he would never be seen as weak ever again.

Eventually, he made a big enough name for himself that he would get interviews on TV every now and then and that's how his dad found out about him still being alive. At first it didn't really click in his dad's head but the moment GB started speaking, his dad knew exactly that that was his son. (Yes he sounded more like Elvis but a father never forgets his son's voice)

So, his dad, as an anonymous donor, asked a young CB to crash GB in the next race. CB, not one down to turn down money did just that. And yes, that whole interaction had put GB out of many races and caused him to pawn off any and all belongings to pay for his hospital bills because any small sponsor he had managed to get dropped him.

(No one wants damaged goods)

and while GB is back to normal, he every now and then when he's super stressed, will feel his bones aching, like a phantom injury and he will start limping slightly because he never fully healed from that.

But now that he knew about CB would go to him and ask him to throw races in his favor, sometimes paying in sexual favors, sometimes in actual money. Because otherwise, he felt like he could never be at 100% and would always lose any race after his accident.

He needed the sponsors and money so he would do anything to get back into the top contenders.

He has major daddy issues that he and Dinah have discussed before. She's probably the only one who knows about GBs true past (aside from Pearl and Poppa and Momma)

Because of his trauma, he actually hates hearing even the word "daddy" so one night when CB accidentally lets it slip during one of their sexual encounters, GB slaps him. Thats the only time GB would actually hit anyone.

On that note, GB actually wont ever truly hurt anyone. For all he knew, Rusty actually did crash and all the damage was from that crash. He had no idea the Diesels roughed him up.

But one night when him and Rusty talk and he finds out about what actually happens, Electra has to get his components (namely Krupp and Killerwatt) to hold him back as GB unleashes hell and yells at the diesels. Like there is pure murder in his eyes.

Yes, sometimes GB hurts other trains during races but after every race they get an anonymous donor paying for all the repairs and a letter along with it with a long apology and flowers. (Dinah helps him spell check it)

GB has only cried twice since he was a child. Once when he found out his mother died (and thats the only time he would turn to alcohol. Otherwise he swears off of it completely) and second when he found out Dinah was pregnant.

GB is 100% terrified of thunderstorms because it reminds himself of his old living situation. Often times you can find him hiding in the closet or under the bed, pillows over his ears and under many layers of blankets.

He would actually be one to collect Squishmallows and other stuffed animals because he never got to as a kid. But whenever he gets any stuffed animal, Dinah names them. However, when his kids are born, he gets matching squishmallows with Norma Jean and Presely and names them after his kids. (Thats probably the only time he gets to name any stuffed animal)

GB actually really really loves Dinah. On the yard he may be this dick towards her but the moment he gets home he apologizes to Dinah profusely and will do anything she wants to make up for it.

He would NEVER do anything to hurt her and when she's pregnant will go above and beyond to be there for her. He even went to Dustin to ask for advice and tried to ask him to keep the fact that Dinah was pregnant under wraps (unfortunately, Dustin, being the sweetie that he is, cannot keep it under wraps and eventually the whole yard knows. Poppa actually gives him some of the best fatherly advice.)

When he finds out that Dinah is pregnant, however, he has multiple night terrors about his childhood. He becomes extremely scared that he'd be like his dad and both Dinah and Poppa reassure him that he's nothing like his dad. That in fact, he has more of his mom in him than he realizes. (Dinah even says he looks more like his mom than his dad, even though GB doesnt see it. She's also not one to admit that she actually knows that its true. She's seen a few ripped up pictures in the trash of his dad back when GB and her first started dating.)

Dinah is actually the one who helps GB compile all of the pictures of GB and his mom into a photo album. This photo album eventually has pictures of Dinah and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean, GB and Presely. So its just one big happy book about everything right in his life.

One day, he even finds Norma Jean decorating it and Norma Jean, being the little kid she is is worried that her dad was going to be mad because it looks like he had a bad day at the yard and she just touched something that he cherished, even if she was trying to make it pretty, but GB actually tears up at it because its the cutest thing he's seen and now that book is just that much more special to him. He actually gets the whole family to do hand prints on the back and then sign their name underneath (with an addition of him writing "One Big Happy Family" underneath it all)

_________________________________________________________

Okay okay this has to be it for this post because there are just so many more headcanons and I wanted to end it on a happier note. So if anyone wants to know more I'll create a part two but for now this is what we've got because good god is it long.

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melissart · 3 years

Text

Say One Thing, Mean Another (Kaidou Shun/Saiki Kusuo)

Summary:

Reading thoughts and reading feelings were two completely different abilities. Most people had a monologue always running in their heads, conveniently narrating their every experience. Call it spotlight effect, call it middle school syndrome, call it romanticization—whatever you called it, Saiki would know, because he could simply read your mind. But some desires were so unconscious that even Saiki couldn’t read them.

No one was more repressed than the self-deluded cram school mama’s boy: Kaidou Shun.

AO3 link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28999770

Read below

No one was more repressed than the self-deluded cram school mama’s boy: Kaidou Shun. Kaidou thought “first base” was holding hands, and even that thought reduced him into a blushing, stuttering, face-hiding mess. He couldn’t even access objective reality half the time, much less access his deepest feelings. Saiki couldn’t even imagine how Kaidou might handle such overwhelming emotions, given how easily at the slightest of confrontations. He once saw Kaidou cry at a convenience store because he couldn’t decide between two compelling brands of instant noodles (Best around or best in town? Around? In town? Around? In town? Aroundintownaroundintownaroundintown...) Needless to say, Kaidou was the most likely candidate to be hiding a dark secret.

None of that Dark Reunion fantasy bullshit. Saiki meant a real dark secret, the kind of revelation that could make a mute man gasp. Just because Kaidou cried when someone tried to tell him a “yo mama” joke doesn’t mean he can’t hide his feelings when it mattered the most. Growing up with a strict mother ruined his values for honesty. Kaidou’s lying was almost on a pathological level, with boundless creativity that showed in the character sheet journals hidden under his bed. He was sometimes so good he fooled himself, but glimmers of the truth shone through in unexpected moments.

It started with a fit of laughter in their lunchtime group. Nendou swore he could handle chopsticks up his nose with enough dexterity to pick up a cherry tomato. Admittedly, he almost succeeded, but Aren flinched away in disgust because he didn’t want to have his lunch contaminated by Nendou’s nose-chopsticks, and the sudden movement accidentally led to Aren’s elbow shoving one of Nendou’s nose-chopsticks too far up, which then caused a ridiculous-looking nosebleed down the chopsticks and into Nendou’s rice.

Saiki’s first thought was ew, but then he caught a quick glance from Kaidou while he was bursting into tears laughing, and suddenly, he couldn’t stop himself from exercising the stiff muscles around his lips into a smile. Kaidou was checking if Saiki thought it was funny, too, as if he needed permission to continue laughing. Saiki didn’t care about pride and certainly didn’t prescribe to any notions of toxic masculinity, but the thought of being the alpha male with Kaidou gave him a good feeling. A feeling that just felt… good.

Saiki still couldn’t read feelings well, not even his own, but he had a strong sense for logic. Kaidou was smaller, weaker, with a kind of reckless yet innocent boyish charm that made him hard to look away from at times. Anyone’s instincts would tell them that Kaidou must be protected at all costs and Saiki, with all of his godlike abilities, was obviously the most qualified person to protect him.

Again, Saiki was bad with unconscious desires. He found himself following that instinct to protect Kaidou in the smallest of moments. Although Saiki protected all of his friends (and humanity) from danger, even Nendou started noticing Saiki’s special treatment of Kaidou.

“Th-Th-The hellfire th-that the Dark Reunion has c-c-cursed me with a-a-always keeps me w-warm,” Kaidou bluffed, on an especially frigid winter day.

What he meant was that the puffy pink jacket his mom tried to send him to school with was too embarrassing, so he lied and told her the weather was supposed to be warmer later. Honestly, Saiki didn’t even need his clairvoyance to predict that. He immediately shoved the extra coat he brought to school at Kaidou. Kaidou got sick too easily, especially with the long nights he spent studying and the longer nights he spent writing fanfictions. Saiki even pre-heated the coat with his pyrokinesis.

“E-Eh? That’s for me, Saiki?” In hindsight, Kaidou was a little too eager to accept Saiki’s coat and he must have definitely sniffed it to see if Saiki’s scent was on it while he thought nobody was looking. “Ah, it’s so warm!” All talk of the Dark Reunion was dropped. Kaidou beamed at Saiki brightly. “Thank you, Saiki!”

The pure look of elation in Kaidou’s crimson eyes as he smiled at Saiki, just Saiki, specifically Saiki, gave him that good feeling again.

Nendou glanced between the two. “You brought that extra coat just for him?”

“That’s just because—” Aren started, but then stopped. “Huh. Nendou’s right. That is very considerate of you, Saiki.”

Saiki didn’t usually slip up and cause himself unnecessary attention, but he brushed it off and convinced himself he was only acting in self-interest. Seriously, it would be a pain if he had to put up with Kaidou calling him in the middle of the night to complain about his symptoms. Kaidou always called him at odd hours of the night, usually to spew some cryptic warnings about lurking enemies, and every time, Saiki delayed his sweet REM cycle just to placate him. It made no sense to call a mute man. (But it made even less sense that Saiki always picked up.)

“Saiki is always reliable,” Kaidou argued. “That’s why, when the Dark Reunion strikes back—”

Then, Kaidou proceeded to plagiarize the plot of the Star Wars episode “The Empire Strikes Back”. Saiki was too busy watching the self-insert adventure inside Kaidou’s mind to question the extent of his admiration of Saiki. Out of everyone, Kaidou’s thoughts were the most interesting to read. Kaidou’s imagination came in full technicolor, with exciting camera angles and cinematography professional enough to be entered in film festivals. When there was nothing good on TV, Saiki sometimes tuned into Kaidou’s thoughts for entertainment. Kaidou managed to distract everyone else from Saiki’s strange favor, too.

Saiki should have realized earlier how powerful Kaidou’s redirection was, effective enough to rival Chouno’s magic tricks. Kaidou was easy to underestimate, but the sheer amount of lies he told on a daily basis was proof of his true manipulative nature.

No, “manipulative” was overshooting it. Kaidou was just conditioned by his social anxiety to lie in everyday situations to preserve his self-image. Saiki knew that struggle better than anyone else, just in the opposite direction: dedicating his life to feigning normalcy. Yet, even though Saiki was the one who regularly erased memories, time traveled, and rewrote reality to maintain the status quo, Kaidou was still the one who went overboard in comparison.

Saiki and Kaidou were walking home together one day, just the two of them, because Aren usually took another way home and Nendou had baseball practice. Kaidou was filling Saiki in about the latest addition to the Dark Reunion saga, complete with a mini movie in his mind to accompany his narration: Kaidou had tamed a wild beast that was terrorizing a small village, which later warmed up enough to become his consort, but the beast had been mind-controlled by the Dark Reunion the entire time as a spy to figure out Kaidou’s whereabouts, which then led to Kaidou breaking the beast free from its mind control using his own forbidden knowledge of the dark arts and returning the beast into the wild.

In reality, the “beast” was a chihuahua that was bothering a kid, but then started following Kaidou home. Kaidou wanted to keep the chihuahua, but his mother said no, because the chihuahua probably belonged to someone else, even though it had no collar. He had to kick the chihuahua out of his house in hopes that the small dog would eventually find its way home. Saiki was sure the entire mind control fabrication was some type of coping mechanism to help Kaidou feel less guilty about kicking the dog out onto the cold streets.

Then, Kaidou’s knuckles accidentally brushed against Saiki’s and Kaidou’s internal alarm rang loudly in both of their minds:

Wrong! Bad! Stupid! Just ignore it, just ignore it, just ignore it!

Kaidou was screaming so loudly in his mind that Saiki instinctively covered his ears, even though there was no external sound to cover his ears from. All of Kaidou’s thoughts had instantaneously spiralled into a frenzy of self-loathing, overwhelming to the point that Saiki couldn’t even decipher what exactly Kaidou was ashamed of. The situation caught him so off-guard that he ended up doing what any normal non-psychic person would do—he asked Kaidou what was wrong. With telepathy, of course. It was easy to get away with using telepathy for conversation since Kaidou was too ashamed to look at Saiki at that moment.

“N-Nothing’s wrong!” Kaidou’s blushing face said otherwise and he knew it. He suddenly stopped in his tracks. “No… I can’t lie to you any longer, Saiki. You deserve better than that. The truth is—”

And then Kaidou told another lie, this time centering around a growing imbalance between light and dark forces of the universe that, according to an ancient prophecy, only Kaidou could heal with the great power sealed away in his right hand that he still had yet to fully control. He went into full detail about the brutal training he endured, the battles of wit against his enemies, the secrets he had to keep from his loved ones to protect them from evil—all of which ironically described Saiki’s life more than Kaidou’s—and how lonely it was carrying such burdens, as heavy as the world on Atlas’ shoulders. The vivid montage played in Kaidou’s mind, returning his mental space to its usual deluded state. As usual, Kaidou went overboard with preserving his self-image.

Good grief…

Saiki kept walking and Kaidou had to run to catch up and everything was back to its usual rhythm, with Kaidou’s behavior matching his thoughts again. That was another weakness of Saiki’s. He was so insistent on keeping his boring life boring that he overlooked something important.

Kaidou never actually admitted what was bothering him.

Daniel Kahneman said, “When faced with a difficult question, we often answer an easier one instead, usually without noticing the substitution.” Saiki asked Kaidou, “What’s wrong?” but accepted the answer to “What’s your made-up hero’s burden?” without noticing the substitution. Saiki wanted to protect Kaidou, but he couldn’t cross any boundaries. What if Kaidou was put off by Saiki’s insistence and gossiped about how pushy Saiki was? What if Kaidou took it the wrong way and it caused a falling out between them? What if Kaidou just started crying and all the passersby assumed Saiki had just said something awful to his own friend? There were too many risks. If Kaidou refused to think about what was bothering him, then Saiki just wouldn’t know.

It was better that way. Kaidou had a right to his privacy, which was limited enough by Saiki’s mind reading. Saiki didn’t have a right to any of it—Kaido’s thoughts, Kaido’s secrets, and especially Kaido’s friendship. He was sure Kaido would’ve been better off without a killjoy mute friend that constantly invaded the personal thoughts of everyone around him. The less they knew about each other’s lives, the easier life would be. It was a simple formula that guaranteed success.

If only life were actually that simple. The only law Saiki’s universe followed was Murphy’s Law.

Kaidou’s screaming thoughts started coming more frequently and it was always Saiki that set it off. When their eyes met from across the cafeteria, when they were the last ones awake during a late night group study session, when they reached for the same cafeteria item at the same time—screaming. Kaidou was getting better at not letting it show on the outside, but that only made the self-loathing episodes louder and longer. And still, even with psychic powers, Saiki had no idea why exactly Kaidou was in so much anguish when he was near. All he knew was that it was getting worse.

Saiki was a psychic, not a psychologist. He had to use his logic for situations like this. Kaidou felt awful around him and Saiki didn’t want Kaidou to feel awful, so obviously Saiki just had to avoid Kaidou to resolve the issue.

So, he did. He didn’t want to. He wanted to share an umbrella with Kaidou when he left his at home on purpose to avoid being made fun of for using his mom’s frilly, pinky parasol with roses, he wanted to answer Kaidou’s phone calls at 2 AM to comfort him after his recurring nightmare of drowning in the ocean, he wanted to proofread Kaidou’s fanfiction for any grammar or plot holes, he wanted to part the clouds and let the golden sunshine follow Kaidou’s every step so he never had to complain about gloomy days, he wanted to be there for Kaidou—of course he did! He didn’t know why, and he didn’t care to know why, because he just did and couldn’t because the most important thing he had to do was to protect Kaidou. He would gladly transfer schools to Siberia if it meant Kaidou could be happy and that’s all that mattered.

Of course, things never went Saiki’s way for too long. Kaidou came ringing at his front gate not too long after Saiki started avoiding him. Mikoto would say it’s all a balancing act, making up for Saiki’s intervention by having it all come back to bite him in the butt—strangely reminiscent of what Kaidou previously mentioned about the imbalance of light and dark. It made Saiki wonder if there had always been grains of truth in the lies.

He let Kaidou in and led him to his room. Even now, he could hear the tumultuous chaos in Kaidou’s mind.

I shouldn’t be here! This is stupid! I’m so awful!

Saiki internally sighed. Why are you here, then? Good grief.

Saiki sat on his bed and waited for Kaidou to conjure up whatever nonsense he thought could justify his visit. He was already used to people’s actions not aligning with their thoughts. This was no different.

I should tell him, already.

Instead, Kaidou became fixated on the first distraction that caught his eyes. “Geez! It’s so dark in here, Saiki! You’ll get vitamin D deficiency if you just spend all day in the dark, you know.” He opened the blinds.

I need to stop stalling and tell him, already.

Opening the blinds ended up spreading dust everywhere. Kaidou sneezed. “When was the last time you cleaned, Saiki? It’s so dusty!”

Why am I stalling even more! I really need to get it over with and tell him that… Or maybe it’s better not to tell him?

The suspense was killing Saiki. He knew he wasn’t entitled to Kaidou’s thoughts, but he was so used to knowing everything about everyone that he couldn’t handle the suspense anymore. Why couldn’t Kaidou trust the safety of his own mind to directly think about what he wanted to say? It made no sense! Nothing made sense, anymore! Good grief, tell me WHAT?

“What?”

Oops. Saiki accidentally sent that thought telepathically in frustration.

Tell me what your day was like, I mean.

“Oh. Um…” Kaidou sat down next to Saiki. But not too close. “Nothing really happened, actually.”

That’s a first.

“Can I tell you a story, though?”

Saiki hoped it wasn’t another plagiarized episode of Star Wars. Go ahead.

“So, I have this friend, with a problem…”

Saiki wondered why Kaidou wouldn’t refer to the friend by name, given they had the exact same circle of friends, but Kaidou was too busy admiring the particles of dust glimmering in the rectangles of sunlight filtering through the blinds. He compared the dust particles to the yellow glow of fireflies dancing in a forest, then to the twinkling stars against violet-blue cosmos, then to the grains of sand slipping through an hourglass. He thought of the various colored pieces that made up the image in stained glass windows and the tiny paint dots in Impressionist paintings and the fact that everything was just a collection of the same subatomic particles under a powerful enough microscope. He felt small. Too small to say what he means.

“... This friend is scared all the time. Maybe he’s just used to being scared because his mom always yells at him for the slightest of mistakes and has high expectations he can never reach. He doesn’t know, and neither do I, but that fear keeps leaking into everything he does. Like an inky black stain, blotting out everything until there’s nothing left. There’s just—so much ink.”

Kaidou’s fists are clenched at his sides. Saiki knew this story about Kaidou’s friend must pain him to tell, but still, Kaidou’s thoughts betrayed nothing. Kaidou was thinking of how much warmer the room was with the sunlight pouring in. He thought of temperature like mercury, pouring into the room through a crack in the window, silvery-white liquid with shiny ripples that poisoned everything in contact, suffocating them in metallic vapors.

“But, when this friend is around a certain friend, he feels like everything is bright again. It’s such a precarious feeling though, because getting closer to that brightness also puts the ink closer. It makes him think that him and the ink are the same and that anything good he touches will only get stained.”

Kaidou blinked away wetness on his lashes. He briefly acknowledged the dull ache of his heart wrenching, but only as a passing thought as he reminisced at the last time he was alone with Saiki in his room, which was after a festival, then went on to recall the fireworks. Crimson bursts of chrysanthemums popped into the night sky, golden sparkles crackling below, then streams of white and orange whistled. The smell of gunpowder and sulfur mixed in with the aroma of fried food from the concessions.

He remembered how loud the fireworks were, deep booms that resonated into his chest, louder than the pounding of his heart as he stole a glance at Saiki. He loved watching the different colors of light flash onto Saiki’s expression, a rare look of serenity, but the moment was too brief. Saiki could always tell when he was being looked at, even from far away, almost as if he were actually psychic, and every time, Saiki would look him right in the eyes and smile like he knew exactly what Kaidou was thinking, then purposefully look away again so Kaidou could resume staring in peace. That was the beautiful brightness Kaidou was enchanted by.

Saiki was used to seeing a glamorized distortion of himself in the mind’s eye of people who had a crush on him, complete with shoujo sparkles and iridescent bubbles and blooming roses in the background, but Kaidou’s perspective was unfiltered. Kaidou saw Saiki exactly the way he existed in his life and that was already enough to make his heart skip a beat, no romanticized fantasies needed.

“My friend’s problem is that he’s selfish. He wants to be with that precious friend, who makes everything fade to white. He wants to ruin everything, just for those few milliseconds of happiness. I guess, what I want to say is…”

Kaidou’s thoughts suddenly went silent. Saiki wondered if he had lost his powers, somehow. The usual background noise of every thought within a 200 meter radius was hushed, as if he had just slipped on his geranium ring. All he could hear was the rustle of fabric bunching up in Kaidou’s fists and his own pounding heart.

“What I mean is—do you think it’s worth it? Should he ruin that friendship?”

Saiki understood everything, now.

Is he scared?

“Always.”

Then, I don’t think he should.

“You’re right...”

Saiki’s hand brushed against Kaidou’s, except this time, it was on purpose. He clasped his hand over Kaidou’s.

I’ll ruin it for him.

Saiki brushed a tear away from Kaidou’s cheek. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling fondly. He usually avoided prolonged eye contact at all times so he could get away with telepathic conversation, but Kaidou had always been hard to look away from. That was a cute expression he had on his face, right now—warmed by a blush, with those shining red eyes peering up at Saiki under his long lashes.

Saiki met his lips with Kaidou’s, fingers interlaced. It was just a gentle first kiss—sweeter than coffee jelly, warmer than pyrokinesis, softer than Saiki’s bed. Kaidou melted into the kiss and could only think of how the milliseconds passed like centuries, like he was an immortal witnessing several lifetimes of glory. Their friendship was ruined, but their romance had only started.

They eventually had to part, for air. Saiki looked straight into Kaidou’s gaze. He couldn’t get out of using his real voice, but he didn’t mind.

“What I mean is... I like you.”

Of course, Kaidou broke into a sobbing mess right then and there. It didn’t take a psychic to predict that.

“I like you too, Saiki!”

#saiki no psi nan #kaidou shun #saiki kusuo #kaidou x saiki #saiki x kaidouu #wtf is their ship name #kaidou shun/saiki kusuo #fanfiction #cross-posted on ao3

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koko-bopp · 4 years

Text

Three Times

jeon jungkook x male!reader

word count – 5K

genre – Mature, Fluff

warning(s) – lowkey SMUT, marijuana use, drinking, choking kink, lace kink, if you're toxically masculine or addicted to gender roles, just don't read.

synopsis – you and jungkook had flirted a thousand times, hung out alone a million times, yet you've only kissed three times.

You've only kissed them three times, his lips.

You'd had a massive crush on Jungkook for as long as you can remember, and it would be obvious to anyone with or without a pair of eyes that Jungkook really liked you too.

But Yoongi's your older brother, also Jungkook's friend, so wanting to confirm a relationship would've been tricky. Jungkook probably would spontaneously combust and die if you had to ask for Yoongi's approval to date you.

The first time involved the two of you getting stoned. Yoongi wasn't there to tell you shit, considering he went on a skateboarding park date with Hoseok, and Namjoon was spending the night at Jin's place. Weed brownies and Looney Tunes was all you and Jungkook needed to have a great time.

Well, you two only really needed each other to have a good time.

But this was a moment to remember.

Alright, the two of you were pretty stoned; edibles seemed to have hit both of you pretty hard since you had begun telling embarrassing stories about Yoongi, and Jungkook's stories were about his highschool life and how canteen food is disgusting compared to Jin's cooking.

Before it all came to an end, Jungkook placed both hands and his chin on your shoulder like a giddy child, both of you staring at each other through eyes that weren't yet that red but for whatever reason, it looked like Jungkook was staring into the solar system. Staring into something beautiful.

But his staring into your eyes with a bright grin on your face led to hungry lips being met.

Jungkook had climbed onto your lap with his fingers diving into your hair, his legs on either side of your thighs as you moulded your lips against his as though you had been touch starved.

Moans were leaving Jungkook's lips when you pulled him down against your crotch, thrusting up causing him to whimper loudly. You'd grabbed his ass into your palms watching him have to pull away from your lips and suck in a broken sigh.

Though he joined back immediately, grinding down onto you and in that time you had pulled Jungkook flush against your body, one hand moving up to grip onto his hair.

"Ah–! Hyung," He moaned loudly.

It resulted in a low chuckle from you, your lips scattering small bites and kisses along his neck that was on full display for you to enjoy as you please, "Hmm. You sound so sexy moaning for me, doll."

It earned a whine from Jungkook, a more moans from when you bit down next to his pulse.

A smirk danced onto your lips, "Though, I bet you'd look sexier squirming under me, don't you think?" You said, "Withering, squirming, all desperate underneath my touch, baby? Doesn't that sound good?"

It sounded perfect.

But it was interrupted by Yoongi bringing Hoseok back to his apartment from their date. So, as soon as the door clicked open Jungkook had thrown himself off of you and onto the far end of the couch.

Yoongi clearly knew what had happened, he noticed the pillow you'd used to cover your crotch area, and Jungkook sitting wierdly cross-legged with his face and cheeks flamed red. Hoseok just being happy that he's no longer challenged by snobby teenagers to a skateboarding race.

You and Jungkook watched Hoseok smother your brother in kisses. Yoongi laughed at his boyfriend's actions.

Hoseok seemed oblivious to everything except the weed.

The second time had been to celebrate Jungkook's birthday.

The whole squad was invited. Taehyung was sipping on wine, while nobody let Jimin drink anything other than cider because that man can move when he's drunk. Yoongi and Jin looking sober after a whole bottle of Smirnoff, Hoseok and Namjoon just enjoy a classic beer.

You and Jungkook? It was his night, so he was allowed to drink, obviously responsibly, but you joined him. Namjoon had volunteered to be the designated driver.

Though Jungkook didn't even bother to keep his hand off of you after three shots. He constantly wanted to feel your biceps, running his finger along your jaw, and always made sure that his leg was brushing against yours.

If someone watched you two from the booth that you'd sat it; easily mistaken for a couple enjoying a drinking date.

"[Y/N]-hyung!" Jungkook laughed at your comment. You had noticed almost immediately at how his cheeks had flushed a shade of pink. "You perv," he giggled.

The topic of outfits when it came to sex was bought up, and you'd quite blatantly mentioned that lace is a rather attractive material. You may have also mentioned that Jungkook wearing that kind of clothing would definitely be something you'd want to see before you die.

"Oh my god, I was joking," you said, seen as you were only really joking about the last part. Though you leaned forward so only Jungkook was able to hear your next words, "Kookie. Are you actually wearing that?"

"Why?" He said, teasingly. His hands danced along his button-up, undoing the first few buttons that immediately exposed the black, lace bra that he had mentioned seconds ago, "Are you taking back your words?"

Your eyes went wide. It might've been the alcohol, but your expression read immediate lust. "Fuck, you look–"

You didn't have the concentration to respond as soon as Jungkook licked his lips. You swallowed hard, eyes wondering to the pattern of the piece then back up to the younger's eyes. Jungkook was smirking, clearly proud of his behaviour, "Do I look nice, Hyung?"

You nodded carefully, you were trying to convince yourself that both his behaviour and yours is just alcohol influenced.

Jungkook leaned forward, his hot and vodka-scented breath against your neck while he took a hold of your hand, dragging your hand slowly up his shirt to feel the lingerie under the fabric. He kissed the space right beside your ear, and you could literally feel the smirk against his lips, "Would you fuck me like this, Hyung?"

It resulted in a messy make-out against the bathroom sink. The sound of heavy breathing and French kissing were bouncing against the bathroom tiles. Both of you were trying to get the upper hand over the other.

However, you received the title of dominance when you wrapped your fingers around Jungkook's neck harshly. He'd let out a moan that was almost too loud, not expecting the action to turn him on so much.

You smirk, poking out your tongue from between your teeth, "Turn around."

Jungkook smirked and hooked a finger around the loop of your pants, "Make me."

"Jungkook! Jungkook!" The sound of Jimin's frantic voice came from the other end of the door.

Both you and Jungkook rolled your eyes, you slightly let go of the grip on the other's neck, just slightly, instead, you leaned down to begin planting a mix between rough and soft kisses along his neck and chest.

Jungkook's breath hitched, leaning his head back out of reflex, one hand in your hair and the other gripping the bathroom sink. He raised his voice slightly, "Jimin, I'm busy!"

"We told the bartender it's your birthday and now he's giving out free drinks–"

"Ah-!" A loud yelp came from Jungkook when you'd gone down far enough to take his nipple between your teeth through the lace fabric. Licking and biting the bud caused a string of poorly suppressed moans leaving Jungkook's mouth and a smirk from you. Jungkook whined, his hand now on your shoulder, "Jiminnn, not now!"

"If you don't come I'll actually break the door down."

You rolled your eyes, biting down one last time before pulling away, the string of saliva on your tongue glistening.

"No, no, no, hyung–" Jungkook's half-lidded eyes could've spoken for him, but he continued in a softer yet firm tone so Jimin wasn't able to hear him. "Hyung, I'm hard." He honestly wanted to cry, every chance he seemed to finally have you to himself it got interrupted.

"Next time, Kookie." Not gonna lie, you were rather disappointed as well, but Jungkook acting all whiny and needy was kind of attractive.

Jungkook gripped your shirt, grinding his crotch against your leg, "Please, please, just ignore him. I want you inside me."

Jimin somehow burst through the door, accidentally tripping over his own feet but nonetheless able to regain his ability to walk properly. "Jungkook, can you just– oh."

The youngest in the room pushed you off of him, almost angrily, although not expressed to you, more towards Jimin. "For fuck's sake," he snarled bitterly, tucking his shirt out from his jeans. As much as being interrupted was honestly a massive turn off for him, he was still that little bit hard, so thankfully his shirt was long enough to cover.

Jungkook exited the bathroom buttoning his shirt back up, making sure to hit Jimin's arm with his shoulder.

And Jimin was just really shocked at what he'd done.

You were trying your best not to laugh.

The third time was different, though, Jungkook had spoken to Yoongi, asking for his blessing to date you. It took a three-hour pep talk and a 250ml bottle of iced coffee, but he did it.

"No."

"I– what?"

"I said, no," Yoongi repeated. He hadn't even looked up at Jungkook, he was too busy starring at his computer, "I didn't interrupt almost every moment you two had together for nothing."

Huh, now it made a lot more sense.

Yoongi was against him, not the universe.

"Yoongi-Hyung, c'mon," He sulked, dropping his shoulders, "If you're worried about me hurting him–"

"–I am."

"At least give me a chance. Just one," Jungkook pleaded, still facing Yoongi, "I swear, hyung, you won't regret this, he means the world to me."

Yoongi turned around, his brows furrowed, "If you do anything, and I mean anything, to hurt him or his feeling, you'll be dead to me," He threatened, "Understood?"

You were in your room, and that's where Jungkook was heading. All the times of seeing your face and spending time with you but not being able to make more of a move than cuddling finally paid off.

Slightly disappointed that Yoongi was playing game master and tried to restrict you two from being together.

But to an extent, he didn't blame Yoongi at all for being overprotective, blood is thicker than water.

"Kook? Wha–" You tried to say. Jungkook had purposefully exaggerated his entrance, slamming the door open and closing it. He'd seen that you were sitting on your bed with your studies in your hand but quickly interrupted it by sitting on your lap.

"Jagi," Jungkook began, a bright smile on his face as he placed both his hands on your chest, "You like-like me, yeah?"

You were still that bit shocked, seeing as this was happening really quick. But a blink or two got you to realise that Jungkook was really close to you. You placed your hands on his waist, "Yeah, shit, did it take you two almost-fuckings and months of flirting to figure that out?"

Jungkook laughed, "No, just wanted to confirm." He leaned closer to you, tilting his head just a bit so he was mere inches away from your lips, "So, I spoke to your brother."

It was making you nervous at how calm he was acting, but you nodded in acknowledgement.

"I got his approval," Jungkook beamed, "And lucky for you, I like-like you too."

You didn't stop yourself from making the first move this time, so you softly and firmly connected your lips with his. It was like stamping a contract, one that made sure that Jungkook is yours and you're his.

You took a hold of the back of Jungkook's neck, bringing him much closer to you. You pulled back for a second though, looking at Jungkook through loving eyes, "Yoongi's going in half an hour."

Jungkook furrowed his brows, slightly panting, from the kiss, "Alright. So?"

You smirked, "He's staying over at Nams and Jin's to finish off his work there," you said, but you moved your hand so it was now wrapped around his neck. Watching Jungkook's breath hitch was what you wanted, "Then you're mine to ruin all night."

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cloveroctobers · 4 years

Text

ROCCO MACBRADY —

IG info/bio : @/macbradycoeats | 77.1k followers | just a spiritual being that wishes the best for everyone on their journey 🙏🏼 yes i was on tv once & won’t be again, you may now check the vibe🥬🌱

21 (22)

From Belfast, Northern Ireland

I genuinely believe Rocco didn’t come from much, just like Gary. & it’s never a competition between who’s had it harder in life, cause we all got our own shit, but I don’t think his life was all rainbows and glitter you know? Just don’t get that vibe from him

Maybe he’s lived in a mobile home park and his mom can never hold a job since she’s a hot head & can’t take direction? His father comes in and out of his life, he’s the definition of toxic masculinity yet never does shit to prove his worth of a “man.” goes as he pleases drunk off his ass and stealing whatever $ his mom has saved up

His father used to be a truck driver but got fired after he kept drinking on the job, causing an accident that could have been much worse

They’re one of the few families that aren’t okay in the park. They just happen to be the loudest. At least his parents are, very vocal and try to beat the other in a screaming match. They never married, didn’t see the point in doing so since they stuck around with each other for this long

Very abusive relationship...mostly verbal but rocco’s seen enough to cause trauma

Maybe his parents had him at a young age, cancelling their youth? Sometimes he feels like it’s his fault, his father told him that once; drunk of whiskey so he started to believe it, which pissed his mother off to no end

Rocco knows his mother loves him but he’s not so sure about his dad. She does little things that mean so much to show that, she does try hard it’s just many don’t see that. Maybe he’s bias since it is his mother

Has a half-sister, Roisin. (Ro-sheen) means, “little rose,” and he picked the name out when he watched his mother have a home birth in their bathroom. He loved her just as much as he loved his mother. He’s heard of the name before, liked it and knew it fit when he first saw his little sister. She was the reddest baby he’s ever seen but gorgeous

“You’ve named your sister raisin, huh?”

It didn’t take long for Rocco to figure out that his mother had a boyfriend outside of his father and suddenly had a bump in her stomach a month later after the guy came around. Rocco wanted to hate the guy but he kinda taught him how to be. He was from wales, loved to surf, and always carried philosophy books which he encouraged a young Rocco to read and, “expand his horizons”

At first he didn’t understand the shite or even wanted to. He just knew it would be hell whenever his father decided to pop back up, but this time around? He didn’t for some reason. “I hope he’s dead.” He heard his mother say one night, talking to Elis, when she thought Rocco was asleep on his bed in the living room

Rocco didn’t think he could think that harsh about someone...but the longer Elis stayed around, the more he found himself not missing his father

Before he began to look at life in a different way, he was the type to run through the streets from the age of 16 and getting into some trouble

Such as: Vandalism, stealing booze, trespassing, & public indency

Around 18 was when he decided to turn his life around, after losing a friend he deeply cared about. He went off to uni, because it was what she wanted to do and he never gave it much thought in the first place but he tried for her

Looking back on it, why did he ever think finance was for him? He wanted to be what his mother wasn’t, she tried but she didn’t know how to manage $ well. Elis had to step in every now and then but he was also always on the go due to surfing competitions

Not only that but it was hard to make friends in uni, people were much different here than in the mobile park. He had more in common with people who lived in the same atmosphere as him

He felt judged and it made him deeply insecure so he dropped out mid-semester

Picked up healthy cooking habits and managed to purchase a food truck after working multiple jobs/ odd jobs from dish cleaner, bartender, doing weekly grocery runs for the people with disabilities in the mobile park, etc...

Guilty pleasure is Mediterranean food

Helps his mother with his sister when she’s out looking for a job + working the job or when she needs a nap. It’s the perfect bonding moment between brother and sister

It doesn’t take long before Rocco feels it’s his time to leave & he does so by going on tv for this show called love island, which is short lived & he comes back empty handed + still feeling like he didn’t make any friends but he met people that changed his life for sure

Marisol being one of those people.

His food truck gains traction after the show and he’s pleased by this. He specializes in a go green environment, which is more expensive but everything costs something

A customer tells him he’d be better off traveling to gain more exposure to his food, although there’s been customers who post his food on the socials—he rarely checks it but it’s 40% negative

Once he saves up enough, he does so and wants for his mother and sister to come with him but she says his sister is too young to be on the road

He’s torn but decides to go on a three month tour, with a few people trying to manage him. Rocco doesn’t take the offer, he feels like that’s a trap to take all of his $.

He can do it all on his own

He meets more people and women on the road in different cities and keeps up with Marisol whenever he can, it kinda hurts to know that she’s found someone knew

So when he’s on psychedelics, he starts sleeping around when the loneliness tries to creep up on him. He doesn’t want to feel that, because if you let it be then it might control you. You’re in control of your emotions.

He always has to find a pay phone when he gets to the next city to let his mom, sister, and Elis know that business is doing okay and he is too. He either forgets to charge his phone or one of the women he invited into his truck stole it

Yeah his food truck is also his home? But people don’t need to know that, he plans to get rid of the truck, buy a storage container to be his new restaurant on wheels and invest in a car where he can pull the storage container along on his car, he’s thinking maybe a Subaru or a pick up truck of some sort. These are all goals, he’ll achieve if he works at his own pace. If it’s meant to be it will be

Very flirtatious and it can come across as not being loyal but he finds it to be more, “free spirited” than anything

Does yoga, has a bicycle too for days he doesn’t feel like driving his truck around, Elis bought one for his birthday & is studying Buddhism

Plays the ukulele & wants to start a garden

Is he a Scorpio? Is he a Gemini? I don’t really feel like he’s a fire sign? He might have a small amount in his chart if we’re being technical. The only thing I can see, Leo maybe for being idealistic? Flirtatious & optimistic?

Scorpio sun + Leo moon + Gemini rising

His favorite animal is an ostrich?

Lottie accidentally likes his photos (whenever he decides to post) and unlikes them or pops into his lives every now and then just out of curiosity. When he addresses her, she leaves lmao

Hair and eyes shifts just like the seasons, becoming reddish brown + a hazel green

Stops at every farmers markets & side attractions to give back to the people & loves flea markets

What does Rocco listen to? He definitely uses psychedelics & smokes that gas c’mon now so: bob marley & the wailers, Jimi Hendrix, fugees, Fiona apple, Norah Jones, johnnyswim, & Bombay bicycle club

Celeb crush? Emma Roberts, zendaya, halle bailey, camila mendes, Sarah Bolger, & Saoirse Ronan

Anthem = The wombats, “Give Me A Try”

#litg #litg2 #litg s2 #litg rocco #litg marisol #litg lottie #litg headcanon #litg au #majority dont care about his ass but i found a fc so thats why i got him out the way lol

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iamnightduchess · 3 years

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Hey! First of all, I love your writing. I absolutely breathtaking. I wasn’t a reimika shipper but now i am lmao! I want to ask you how you feel about jeankasa? In this moment I’m completely sure Eren is going to die and I really want Mikasa to be happy with a good family just as she wishes. What are your thoughts about the future of her with, let’s say, a jeankasa ending?

Hi himemoonpie!

Thank you so much for dropping in with a sweet ask & thank you very much for checking out my writings :) Welcome to ReiKasa hell paradise, the ‘accidental’ ship haha

I would have to let my followers here know that this is strictly my honest and personal observation (which most fans would disagree on). Regarding your question, my opinions towards not only jeankasa but all the other mikasa ships are neutral. I dislike being or having any negative feelings towards other ships & i prefer to focus more on the positive sides of my own rarepair OTP ‘s canoe haha

Tbh, I was not big on the idea of jeankasa for quite some time UNTIL ch.135. Physical attractiveness factors sure, jeankasa’s A++ but from character dynamics, before 135, I perceive an existing imbalance. I also look into the characters’ astrological compatibility. Both Eren & Jean are Aries with self-centric tendencies that could ‘suffocate’ Mikasa’s Aquarius internally (unpopular opinion, don’t shoot me. I admire Jean’s character development in canon!) I also feel like after four years, Mikasa sees Jean as an excellent comrade/Squad Leader. I’m very sure she’s not oblivious to his existing feelings for her. (if she can notice Annie’s feelings for Armin, she would have noticed Jean’s for her). Mikasa’s being pushed around like a ball by toxic masculinity in her environment before or after Eren goes ‘rogue’. Too often people see her as an angry, broken robot with disconnected tether, which frustrates me so much.

However. 135 finally showed me how selfless Jean is & I’m all for that! [also, it made me see ReiKasaJean as a good OT3 ;’) ]

If we go by typical shonen formula, Jeankasa would be a potential endgame with the highest probability (*looking at Bleach & Naruto) xD But I don’t know, Isayama’s eccentric in his own way, anything is unpredictable with this amazing, talented madman and I’m all for that ride. He did promise he would hurt his readers. I’m ready to be hurt haha

However, whichever Mikasa & X ship ends together or whoever the endgame partner for Mikasa in canon would be, as it is gradually revealed in few months time when the series ends -- if Isayama believes that X can bring her the happiness she truly deserves, then I’m genuinely happy for her. Although, as a Mikasa fan, at this point I’d really rather she be on her own, discovering her Azumabito family origins, exploring self-love more, go on an adventure (with Armin and Annie) all over the world like Arya in GOT and adopts Gabi & Falco as her kids and raising them with Reiner as platonic co-parents wops I’m gonna stop here before i get any more new headcanon ideas. Too long has this woman be in a man’s shadow that she’s now finally liberated in canon somewhat and I’d like to see her soaring higher than she’s ever been. She’s tethered herself to Eren for 10 years now, I just want to see her be truly free for once. If she chooses Jean at the end of SnK, I’d hope it’s because she truly loves him & not because he’s always been there to pick up the pieces left by Eren. It would be unfair to Jean as well because he’d know she’d only settle for him because he’s just there. All in all, I’m happy with any loving, healthy Mikasa ship as the endgame :) I hope this answer is not too long haha Thank you again for the kind Ask!

xoxo

#asks #himemoonpie #textposts #mikasa ackerman #mikasa ships #personal opinion #snk opinions #snk #aot #character appreciation

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thrill-cfthechase · 3 years

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feelin’ twenty-two

tw: pregnancy, death, alcoholism, verbal abuse, creepy men

november 4th was elliot’s least favorite day of the year. it was never a day of celebration in the chase household, instead a day of forced smiles and words left unspoken. it was her birthday, but it was never preceded by a ‘happy.’ it was a somber occasion, a day of mourning. when she was young the people in her neighborhood would get her a cake and little gifts to make up for the party that her father never threw, but she could tell they were behaving differently than they did on other kids’ birthdays. she was nearly four when she found out that her mother had died after giving birth to her, and while she didn’t understand death, she knew she had done something wrong. on her fourth birthday she threw a fit. it was a nasty tantrum that the chases and all of sunset park tried to forget, but elliot would always remember the first time she remembered thinking i want my mom.

she wasn’t sure how old she was when her father stopped acknowledging her birthday, but she could tell he knew what day it was because he was always even drunker and angrier than usual and able to find new and creative ways to get mad at her that didn’t involve the death of her mother. her brothers would take her out for ice cream and she would eat her mint chocolate chip in silence while they watched her, foreheads etched with concern. some years they saved up enough money to buy her a gift, but she would never play with it. she didn’t feel like it was deserved. on her seventh birthday her brothers took her mini-golfing and they let her win. it made her furious. they never took it easy on her ever, and the last thing she wanted was for them to coddle her. she just wanted it to be like every other day. that night she found her oldest brother, tucker, crying. he was fourteen and far too proud to let people see him cry, one of many traits of toxic masculinity that managed to make it’s way into elliot. she didn’t know what to do or how to comfort him so she said nothing and went to her room, staring at the cracks in the ceiling above her bed until the sun rose the next morning.

by her twelfth birthday tucker had moved out for college, and that year her other brother, forrest, had a soccer game in a town two hours away. she got a confetti cake from her next door neighbor, mrs. casey, and spent the evening doing homework in her room while she ignored the sound of her father yelling at the tv. elliot thought she was being sneaky when she tiptoed into the kitchen to get another slice of cake for dinner, that the tv would mask any noise she made despite the fact that the la-z boy her father sat at was only a few feet away from the fridge. when he turned to tell her to give him another beer she was so startled that she dropped her cake on the floor. as she sat on the cold tiles and cleaned up the mess she’d made the drumming of her heartbeat in her ears was almost loud enough to drown out the insults being thrown at her. when forrest got home that night he made a joke about elliot not saving him any cake. she told him to go fuck himself and he called her a bitch. she still hates funfetti.

the night of elliot’s sixteenth birthday was spent in a stolen dress at a hotel bar downtown with a man twice her age. she pretended to believe he wasn’t married and he pretended to believe she was twenty-one. they talked for a few hours, with elliot at her most charming and gracious in a way that people who really knew her would find laughable. she was still new to this type of con, the kind that required her to be a lady, but it worked, and she left with his watch, two credit cards, and four hundred in cash. she was gone by the time he realized anything was missing. when she got home her father seemed surprised to see her, like he hadn’t realized she wasn’t in her room all night. he had never seen elliot in makeup before, and the fact that he was now seeing it at two in the morning didn’t seem to sit right with him. “if your mother was here she’d be so disappointed in you. but she’s not here, is she?” it might have been the most tame thing he said to her, but felt like the cruelest by far. those were the words that echoed in her head as she lay awake in bed with gus, her fourteen year old dog, asleep on her chest. he weighed twenty-five pounds but the weight on her lungs didn’t bother her - the ability to breathe didn’t seem particularly important.

elliot’s twentieth birthday was a little over two months into her first year at gallagher. she didn’t intend on telling anyone, but it felt strange to be another year older in a place that still felt foreign to her. she confided in the two people she had grown to truly trust - ellie and kass. kass even baked her a cake, and something compelled elliot to give her a hug. she wasn’t usually physically affectionate, but no one had baked her a cake in years, and she couldn’t help feeling a little sentimental. as soon as kass left she had to scrape the “happy birthday” off the cake so that no one else could see it, but for the first time she could remember, she was a little glad it was her birthday.

elliot looked at her phone. november 4th, 2020, 12:01 a.m. the two hardest things for her to say were ‘i love you’ and ‘i’m sorry,’ but on this day she felt the need to say both to her brothers.

“hey, i know u don’t like it when i apologize on this day, but it’s my birthday and that’s what i want to say. i’m sorry u lost her. thanks for never telling me it was my fault. i love u,” she texted them.

it was only nine o’clock in seattle and she immediately got a text back from her oldest brother. “you’re going to dismiss everything i say, but i need you to know that i love you. raising you has made me the man i am today, which is cheesy but it’s true. it’s not fair to you that you had to deal with all of my mistakes, but i believe that learning from them is what will make me a good father. losing mom is probably the worst thing that ever happened to me, but getting you was the best.” a single tear fell down elliot’s cheek and she quickly wiped it away and buried her face in spruce’s fur. her phone buzzed again with another text from tucker. “well, mia is the best thing now, but you held the title for a long time. i love you smelliot.” she cracked a smile and sent back a quick “love u too fucker.” it took her a long time to fall asleep, although that wasn’t unusual for her, and she dreamed of memories that didn’t belong to her.

she didn’t have any expectations for her birthday, but she was pleasantly surprised. levi wished her a happy birthday, and she only vaguely remembered telling him accidentally while drunk and wasn’t sure if she’d mentioned how little she cared for the day, but he didn’t make a big deal out of it and for that she was grateful. she was surprised when rowan wished her a happy birthday - elliot didn’t feel deserving of her kindness, but it still felt good. she got her annual cake from kass, delicious as always, and she tried to not think about the fact that this time next year kass wouldn’t be there and she wouldn’t have a homemade cake to deface. she also got a cake from asher, who had made one for her last year as well when they were dating, and a cupcake from reese. it was a lot of baked goods to explain to people, but stuffing her face with cake helped elliot feel a little better. one thing about having roommates was that they tended to know things about you that you might not want them to know, but she wasn’t too worried about ella making a big deal of things. she definitely hadn’t anticipated receiving a hamburger with a lit birthday candle in it, and it both made her laugh and tasted delicious. she was laying on her bed doing homework when alex walked in, unannounced and uninvited (rude) and gave her not only a bag of hot cheetos but also a knife engraved with what according to alex was the state flower of california (the opposite of rude). she didn’t really know what to say to him other than the thing she had managed to say all day long: thank you. it wasn’t her favorite thing to say, she wasn’t known for being particularly courteous, but she meant it. she was thankful to know that the few people who knew about her birthday had bothered to tell her they cared. on most days elliot would think of course they care, i’m me, but this day made her feel small. luckily for her, she had friends who reminded her otherwise.

elliot looked at her phone. november 5th, 2020, 12:00 a.m. it was over, and she was relieved. she wasn’t quite sure if it had been a happy birthday, but it seemed like in the past few years it had become less and less of a sad one. she was lying in bed, spruce fast asleep and snoring under one arm. “i’m sorry,” she whispered to nothing and no one. perhaps she was saying it to herself. she put her phone down and curled up beside spruce. as she waited for sleep to come she thought of her mother, of the woman who had been described to her and the woman she’d imagined she was. elliot thought back to all the times her brothers had told her how excited their mother was for elliot to be born and the time her aunt told her she was sure her mother had loved her with all her heart, if only for a few minutes. she cried, silent tears that stung her eyes and stained her pillow. eventually she took a breath and got out of bed, deciding to take spruce for a midnight walk. the air was cool and still and the sky was clear. elliot sat down on the grass by the edge of the forest and looked up at the stars. she stayed there for quite some time, looking out into the darkness and trying to remember names of constellations. she saw a shooting star and smiled, wracking her brain for what to wish for.

just some good things would be nice.

when she finally crawled into bed, the tightness in her chest that always appeared on her birthday was gone, and for the first time in weeks she slept peacefully.

#i 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔡 people to be 𝔞𝔣𝔯𝔞𝔦𝔡 of 𝔥𝔲𝔯𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤 me ❛ self paras ❜

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