#hatred of the self is also very present in both
Text
Honestly I don't think I'm qualified to make this post, I just don't know if I can make coherent enough words man. But the thoughts are in there and I will try to articulate them. This is probably going to be mostly images though.
anyway yeah KABRU POST.
A couple nights ago (at approximately 2:30am, lasting a little over half an hour) I had a bit of a moment about Kabru. That, too, was mostly images- most of what you see in this more concise post were presented then as well. I think my main points of the "moment" were about Kabru's trauma + self hatred, his autism and/or general otherness, and also a little labru if you'd like..
I think something easy to start with is I wanna point out Kabru's constant back and forth and conflicting opinions of demihumans and how, I believe, thats a reflection of how he goes back and forth on what he believes his purpose of living is- and the general worth of his own life. I've said it before and i've just kinda shown it in images; Kabru is "i think im a monster and it disgusts me" where Laios is "I know im a human and it disgusts me" (i could go more into the latter on another post)
the above are both from the world bible, with the left being from the section on kobolds and the right being from the section on Kuro specifically.
Utaya was very near to the desert where most of the kobold population is, this is likely why Kabru is able to speak Kuro's language- he grew up around demihumans. (chapter 48 cover, kobold chapter in the world bible) I won't try to speak for how his mother or the rest of utaya felt about the kobolds but I can say that Kabru was very much othered as a child, as was his mother, purely for the way her son's (kabru) eyes looked.
I feel like its fair enough to say that both kabru and the kobolds were othered, and possibly for similar reasons (villager's seeing them as nonhuman, as monsters) and the fact that Kabru learned their language probably didn't help his case. I think his perception of kobolds (and all demihumans, subsequently himself, as he probably still views himself as nonhuman or not human enough.. deep down) was damaged by the Utaya incident.
at 2:30am when I first started this ramble my main comment was that "had the utaya incident not happened kabru would have little reason to feel ashamed for his connection to monsters. and may have ended up similar to laios in that he couldve had otherkin swag" which is just a sort of silly way of saying Kabru could've learned to love the thought that he is possibly nonhuman or at least not hated himself so much for it.
in the original ramble I said, and quote, "he has been STALKING laios. laios is his hyperfixation to learn how he can ever be loved. he keeps going back and forth so harshly on wether or not he wants to kill Laios and he clearly sees his survival from utaya not as an unfortunate trauma [*] but as a necessary, deserved fate. a punishment for his mother's witchy sins, and for his sin of being non-human. to atone for it all, to apologize for being alive, he tries to better the lives of all humanity. He was set on his way to dethrone the governor of the island . do you understand? im going insane"
*i also said somethings about the way he processes other people's traumas and not his own. He's able to understand and even help some people, but he struggles to process his own issues and see himself as worthy of love and life.
^some examples of Kabru being understanding of or helping others who have suffered greatly.
I think its also worth mentioning that with Rin (called "Lynn" in that translation) he says "I wish there was a way to get her out of this" though he's insisted and pushed for himself to go into a dungeon;
In chapter 94, Mithrun says "The desire I had left wasn't revenge. All I wanted.. was for it to finish devouring me." and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say Kabru was in a similar situation. Mithrun sought out the demon with no plan on how to kill something like that because deep down he wanted it to end his (Mithrun's) own life, to finish the trauma it caused and kill him. I think Kabru went into the dungeon in part with the hopes that it'd kill him. That the same thing that destroyed Utaya and caused him so much trauma would just.. finish him.
I just think Kabru is a beautifully complex character, I have a lotta thoughts on him and I don't see nearly as many analysis posts for him than I do Laios (despite labru being such a popular ship)
there is no tldr for this post idk how to summarize it. do what you will with this collection of images. have fun. go crazy
fun fact the woman in the bottom left corner is his mother, she is labeled here as "witch"
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#kabru#kabru dungeon meshi#kabios#labru#yeah its a long post i dont care. read it#also i only mentioned it briefly but i do think kabru is autistic .#yk that post thats like 'no im not autistic i know all the social cues etc etc etc. hey wait a minute' yeah. that#ok whatever. starts making another laios post
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
Alpha!Eddie Munson x Omega!Reader
+18 hurt/comfort, angst, depression, omega dropping, mean!eddie, rejection, abo dynamic
Not proofread, just needed to put my hurt into words. i was sad this morning and this came out.
Dropping is a self defense mechanism for Omegas when their needs aren't met. That could be rejection from their alpha, having no pack, having no pups, not being able to scent, etc. They induce themselves in a non responsive state, sometimes comatose until they feel safe once again.
wc: 4k+
Plot: Eddie is the reason you drop.
SCENT
Eddie Munson wanted to be your mate back in Hawkins when he had presented a courting gift. It wasn’t out of nowhere, he was very much sure you were his mate because well, you had spent your heat with him, as well as he spent his rut with you. You also met with him every so often to mess around and just stare at the stars above his trailer. He was sure you were going to be his mate, because you two had confessed to each other even.
But you rejected him.
You never gave him a reason, never gave him the motive for your rejection and why you led him on the way you did, but that’s what made Eddie greatly despise you. Now, you had a reason for the rejection. Your father had realized the relationship you had with the Male Alpha, and he had dimmed Eddie a worthless suitor. You would have eloped of course, you were ready to do so, but your father wasn’t an ordinary man at all.
Your father threatened to kill Eddie if you were to run away with him.
He promised you he would find you both and you would become a lonely Omega with a bitten mating gland and that would probably make you spiral into absolute madness. You didn’t care about what happened to you, but you did care about Eddie. You were so happy when he had presented a courting gift to you. You were so absolutely happy…
But your father’s words came back into your mind and even if your heart broke, even if your omega self was trying to claw out of your skin to go towards Eddie, your alpha, your other half of your protective and motherly omega wanted to protect him at all costs. So you stepped away without any reason, without telling him what had truly happened behind your house’s doors. His scent became bitter, so bitter that you had to scrunch up your nose at the unfamiliar smell he sent your way. He hated you.
Eddie then left Hawkins.
And everything you did to protect him was in vain, because your father started presenting possible suitors for you, Alphas that would give you everything, riches, family… But you rejected every single one of them, and your father got fed up with your nonsense after a year of trying. Your mother just stood there as your father prepared your bags and put them at the front door. He kicked you out of the house and out of his pack.
Your friends had left for Indianapolis so you headed over there as well, trying to find comfort in them, wanting to be scented if they were still a pack. You moved, you actually found a decent job as an assistant, and you could afford rent in a nice apartment that had a living room, kitchen and a bedroom. But when you finally crossed paths with Robin Buckley after calling her on her cell phone, her scent was very familiar. Your Beta friend had a pack that was for sure, but the scent she was emanating meant that they had a particular Alpha as a protector, as a leader.
So when you finally met up with everyone once more at Robin’s home, the scent that hit your nostrils was too potent, as if there was a wildfire spreading all over the room, only to become bitter and sour in the matter of seconds because there in the middle of the room stood Eddie Munson, in his new Alpha glory. He was bigger, beard covering his features, hair tied back as he stared at you with hatred in his eyes.
Everyone noticed how your scent transformed into a humid kind of smell, meaning that sadness was present in yourself as well as fear. You weren’t welcome in the pack, and he made it clear as he forbade everyone to scent you. He didn’t want you near him, he didn’t want you to mess him up again, and now that he found his pack and he actually recovered from the pain you caused, he wasn’t going to let you ruin it with your smell.
He believes you don’t deserve it, even though he could smell you as a packless Omega, he tried to not take pity on you, but it was impossible, yet his resolve stayed the same. Steve was an Alpha as well, but since he had mated with Jonathan, his protection only served for his mate, so Eddie became the leader of the pack instantly.
You had tried to talk to him, to explain what had happened a year ago, but he wouldn’t listen. He had screamed at you to leave him alone in his Alpha voice, which only made you close your mouth, and step away from him. His heart broke as he smelled the fear in you, and how you left a lingering sour scent as you walked away from him.
The first heat you suffered in Indianapolis was brutal.
You had nothing to nest with. You had no possessions of your pack, scents of the people you cared about, so you had to fake a nest with your sheets, putting them all around you to create a placebo effect– But your heat was painful, trying to pleasure yourself as your slick covered your entire bed, memories of Eddie helping you through it rushing in your mind which only made the pain even worse.
You contemplated calling Robin, asking her to tell Eddie to come to your house, to help you– But you remembered how he had ordered you to stay away, and the omega inside you, the one that still held onto him as a mate, listened.
When you met Billy Hargrove, a very powerful Alpha in the city, you really did believe you finally found a pack. You were talking non stop, getting to know each other, going on dates together, and Robin was very happy for you. She had been trying to make Eddie come to his senses about you joining the pack, afraid of what might happen to you, but Eddie refused once again telling Robin that you could manage alone because that was your decision a year ago.
Your heat was coming up and Billy had yet to scent you, so when you finally became intimate with him you were hoping he would. But he had remained away from you as he penetrated you, holding you down on the bed as he took what he wanted from you. Once it was over, you tried to nuzzle his neck, scent him and probably rub some of his on you. He pushed you away instantly and told you that he didn’t feel the connection he thought he would, and after three months of knowing him, he left you.
The second heat you suffered in Indianapolis was torture.
There were traces of Billy’s scent in some sheets, but it wasn’t enough for your nest, and you remembered the fact that he had decided you were not going to be his mate, only making the situation worse thanks to the rejection. You weren't good enough, he didn't want you, just like Eddie doesn't want you now.
Once again, you found yourself looking at your phone in order to call Robin, to bring you some of her clothes, maybe even get help from Steve who also, with his mate’s approval, wanted to scent you.
Eddie’s fear settled in when Robin told him you had spent another heat alone, and he had been even angrier at you the past few months for dating another Alpha. Now knowing that your Alpha had left you alone in your worst time made him feel like dying and he wanted to murder the other man.
He cared for you and he cursed at himself for the pull you had on him still. It wasn’t fair. He had suffered triggered ruts due to your rejection, painful stabs in his gut and brain for the lack of you, the lack of your touches, your smell, your voice…
You looked lifeless after your heat. Robin noticed and was going to go against Eddie’s orders as she prepared a bag with her clothes to give to you. You declined it. You were going to make Robin lose her pack, possibly, if she did this. If Eddie smelled himself on you without him actually scenting you, he would know that it was Robin.
So now, it was your third heat in Indianapolis.
And it was murdering you.
Your fingers this time did find your phone, tears running down your face, as every single muscle in your body started tensing, slowly and painfully. It was Eddie’s birthday, and of course you were not invited. You wouldn’t have been able to attend anyways because you knew your calendar, and you knew it was close, but you weren’t prepared for how torturous it would be.
Your bed had slicked sheets all over it, not even caring of making a make pretend nest with them any longer. Your closet was a mess as you tried to find something that didn’t have your smell on it because you could feel your heart about to explode and your whines could probably be heard all over your omega complex. You couldn't make a nest. You didn't have a nest.
You didn't have a pack. You didn't have a mate. No one wants you. You were never going to be able to have pups. You are a worthless and useless Omega.
So why keep trying?
Your body was on fire even if you had stripped to nothing, splashed yourself in cold water, until you had finally landed on your bed, unable to move. You couldn’t even touch yourself, you didn’t have any power left in you, but your fingers and hand could still move.
“Hello?” You heard Robin call your name as music blasted behind her. You opened your mouth only for your voice to get caught in your throat, choked small sobs escaped you and that’s when Robin lost it. “TURN THE FUCKING MUSIC DOWN!”
“I-I–” You couldn’t speak, it was painful, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt.
“Baby, please, what’s wrong?” Robin panicked, pacing around the room as everyone stared at her, including Eddie whose gut was slowly falling to the ground.
“S–Shirt– Please– I need it–” Your cracked voice, your sobs, and the whines. Everyone in the room could hear the whines. Steve immediately took his jacket off. Jonathan took his sweater off. Nancy didn’t know you, but her inner alpha became full alert at the sound and she understood in a single second what was going on, taking her cardigan off herself as well. Dustin stared at Eddie in disbelief as the Alpha male had wide eyes, head spinning around uncontrollably as he stared at Robin.
“I’m going, I’m going, I’m getting you stuff okay?! Just remember I’m going!” The phone clicked and Robin looked down at it with shaky hands and her head finally snapped towards Eddie and for the first time, something that almost never happened could be heard in the room.
A Beta was actually defying an Alpha.
A small growl was shot at Eddie’s way as she started gathering everyone’s belongings. Eddie at this point, did not care for his scent to be passed over, he didn’t care any longer. You were in danger and it was his fault. It was his fault. It was all his fault. He grabbed onto his car keys, despite Robin telling him that he shouldn’t come, that he is going to make everything worse, but he didn’t listen, he didn’t want to listen.
So when they got to your complex, Robin used her spare keys to actually get inside as Eddie snuck in. He could smell the alarmed omegas at the scent of an Alpha in the building, but he had to get to you. He had to reach you in time. You were three floors up, and in the second one he could already smell you and it wasn’t sweet like the heats you spent with him. It wasn’t something that was triggering his arousal, or his need to mate you. It was triggering his need to save you.
And when Robin opened your door, even she couldn’t handle the smell, and Eddie almost hunched over at the pain it shot inside of him. Robin didn’t waste a second as she ran into your room, only to find you naked, sweat all over, body trembling and nonsense spouting out of your mouth. She panicked as she started placing everyone’s belongings around you and she took her shirt off, leaving her in her bra only, not caring at all about Eddie entering the room.
His eyes bulged out of his skull at the sight of you. His eyes filled with tears as his body yelled at him to go towards you, to hold you, to scent you, but he knew that would make it worse for you, because he had commanded you before to stay away from him. His heart was clenching inside his chest as Robin kneeled on the bed next to you, putting her shirt over your chest so you could smell her. She was crying as she held you, cradling you up so your face could hit her chest.
“I’m here! I– I brought everyone’s scents, I put them all around you baby, I’m here–” Robin was choking sobs as you stared at the ceiling, completely gone, mumbles coming out of your mouth that she started to be able to listen and understand, only for her heart and the Alpha’s that was still shocked in the room, break in pieces.
“I-I can’t smell them, I can’t–” You lost your sense of smell. Rejection was present in your core, your mind, your heart and Robin could smell it becoming stronger. “I–I’m useless, I have no pack– n-no one wants m-my pups– No one wants me–”
Eddie wanted to yell, tell you that he does, tell you that he is here, tell you that he was a fucking idiot, tell you that he still loves you and he still believes you are his mate, that you have always been and always will despite you rejecting him.
“Baby, baby, you’re not, you’re not, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m here–” You weren’t processing Robin’s words, the word useless repeating in your head all the time, like a mantra. You were rejected, an outcast, and the only person you thought of as your long lasting mate didn’t want anything to do with you.
And then, your body stopped trembling, and Robin saw how your features relaxed, your eyes became half-lidded as if in a sleepy state, and your body weight was heavier than before. Robin looked all over you to see signs of movement, anything at all, but even your smell was gone.
You dropped.
And Eddie, Eddie felt like killing himself for it.
“This is all your fault… I shouldn’t have listened to you…”
Eddie refused to leave your side, despite Robin and even Nancy wanting him to leave the room. Steve and Jonathan didn’t even look his way, and Eddie knew he was losing his pack, but at this point he didn’t care, he deserved it, all of it. His scent was almost unbearable for everyone else in the room, musky but in a very bad way, almost rotten.
You were in a hospital room. Your whole body was connected to IVs, to machines, your beating heart still heard on the small monitor, that only made a tiny bit on everyone’s minds have some peace. They had surrounded your body with clothes, accessories, even socks just to try to make you feel safe again.
Suddenly, a sob could be heard in the room, a low groan, almost a whine but not quite because he can’t manage to do that. His head was in his hands as he stared down at the floor and Dustin, despite his friend acting wrongly, he still decided to walk over to him and crouch to pass onto him his still pup smell. He still hasn’t presented, even at 15 years old, despite his friends already done so.
“P-Please Dustin, h-her.” Eddie choked and Dustin understood immediately, walking over to your still body and leaning down to dip his head into the crook of your neck. He whined when he couldn’t smell you, still he rubbed his face against your skin, trying to make his scent linger.
You didn’t wake.
Days passed, then a week, and Eddie was becoming desperate, feral even and in the bad way. He was pacing back and forth in his room, and he decided to go against his pack’s orders. He started putting on clothes, shirts, pants, and in each one, he did some push ups in order for him to sweat even more than before. He had gathered almost all of the shirts he owned, his sweatshirts, pants, hoodies, bandanas, even underwear and put it all in a duffel bag.
He rushed to the hospital like a maniac and when he entered the room he commanded everyone to get out. Jonathan flinched at his orders and immediately rushed out, but Eddie sensed the defying Beta in the room that was covering your body protectively for him to not come any closer.
“Robin, please– Please–” He knew it was karma. He had denied everyone else to scent you, and now, Robin was out of his pack, his scent no longer lingering over her because she wouldn’t let him come close to her, and she was the one that now didn’t want his scent over you.
But Robin was desperate too. You were a great friend to her, helped her deal with her undying love for Nancy, knowing it can’t ever happen. Betas and Alphas are a rare pair, and she didn’t think Nancy would want a Beta as her long mate. She couldn’t even bite her. They would never be able to mate.
They had tried everything, switching clothes everyday, Dustin coming over to try to scent you but his pup smell was very dim due to his age. The only one that hadn’t put any clothes around your nest, was Eddie. Your past mate. Your past Alpha.
Robin was completely desperate.
Enough so that she actually left the room. Eddie immediately got to work, taking his clothes out of the bag to put them alongside everyone else's, all around you in order to make a nest. His tears ran down his face, his head painfully throbbing as your eyes remained closed, an oxygen mask over your mouth and nose.
How could he forgive himself for this? How could he live with the thought of you stuck in a bed because of what he did?
“Darling, please open your eyes…” His face came close to yours after many months of dying to do so, after a year and a half of doing it for the last time while you two laid on his bed back at the trailer park. You didn’t want his scent on you so you two wouldn’t be caught, but that night he couldn’t help himself, and you didn’t either. The next day, you rejected him.
His face nuzzled your neck, his mouth traced your skin, placing soft kisses as he cried for not being able to smell you. That sweet smell he remembered every night, every day, at every hour. He wrapped his hand at the back of your neck in order to lift you up slightly so he could rub his scent gland against yours, repeating the action on the other side.
A gasp was heard in the room as the heart rate monitor picked up slightly.
His eyes widened as he pulled away to see your eyes staring widely at the ceiling, not understanding what’s going on, why you’re here, why is his scent all over you, why does he feel so close to you? You were choking into the mask, gasping for air, and you felt arms cradle you into a chest.
Alpha. Alpha. Your Alpha?
“Hi Sweetheart.” He choked out as he felt you breathe against him, his head right on top of yours as he held you close. Your body relaxed into him, memories vividly replaying in your head, memories you’ve always wanted to repeat, memories that made you want to go back in time and not listen to your father.
Your nose picked up various scents now, aside from Eddie, you could smell Robin. Even as a Beta she made sure to put her smell all over her clothes. You could smell Steve, Jonathan, an alpha you don’t know of but the smell was welcome either way… And you could smell the faint scent of a pup. A pup was here. A pup scented you.
You were safe.
Eddie pulled away from you to look at your face again, and finally locked eyes with yours. Eyes that no longer held resentfulness, but guilt. Eyes that no longer held anger, but grief. Eyes that no longer held hate, but love. Pure and unconditional love. He didn’t care what happened in the past. He didn’t care any longer, but he cannot forgive himself for what he did to you. He cannot forgive himself for being the cause of all of this. He cannot forgive himself for causing you this much pain that you had to shut your brain off in order to go to a safer place.
You smelled his bitterness, painful, making your stomach turn uncomfortably. You reached up to take the mask off your face and you couldn’t be away from him again. This time you will fight for your alpha. You will show him how much you want him, how much you’ve wanted him for the past year, how much you needed him the few months you’ve been in the city.
So you let out calming pheromones from your body. He was hit with them immediately, making his shoulders relax as you held onto him. Clarity filled your head the more you looked at him, the more you stared at his features. His face contorted again, a frown appearing in his eyebrows as tears started spilling out of his eyes uncontrollably.
“I��m sorry– I’m– I’m so sorry–” He sobbed against you, wrapping his arms around you so he could dip his face into the crook of your neck again and his cries were louder as your scent filled his nostrils again. It was just like he remembered, but he didn’t understand why it was sweet and not sour. He didn’t understand why you didn’t pull away. He didn’t understand why you didn’t hate him.
And that’s when you told him everything as his face stayed still on your neck.
“I wanted to protect you…” You finished saying as tears rolled down your cheeks, uncontrollably so, and he pulled away to reveal his stained cheeks, a wild look on his face. He gulped as he rushed to take off his pick necklace, looking down at it only for then to show it to you in his hands, presenting it.
You smiled at it through your tears because it was the same courting gift he had tried to give you back in Hawkins– and this time, you took it.
Three months later, you were laughing while drinking a beer with Robin on your side while her hand was being held by Nancy on her other side. Steve had his arm around the new Alpha in the room who claimed he was going to be the next leader of the pack because the last one had already retired. Jonathan rolled his eyes at Dustin every time he said that, with a hand resting on his belly.
Eddie walked into the room with a beer in hand and sat next to you, on your other side in his couch, your couch, and dropped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. Robin rolled her eyes knowing the conversation was over now as she put her attention on Nancy while your eyes found Eddie’s. He smiled as he leaned towards you to press a deep kiss on your lips.
You smiled in between the kiss, reciprocating it as you pressed a hand on his knee. You heard a growl rumbling in his chest and you couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction, making you pull away from his lips.
“If I pop a knot right here, it’s entirely your fault.”
“You’re the horndog.” He rolled his eyes at you and leaned down to press a soft kiss in between your neck and shoulder, making you shiver as a smile spread all over your lips.
He kissed right over his bite mark.
I did say it was hurt/comfort.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed, sorry if I didn't get it right, this is my first time writing about an Omega actually dropping.
Also if you're new in the omegaverse thing, yes, males get pregnant because they have the secondary gender, meaning they have vajayjays and uterus as well as their shafts.
Alpha females have dicks but cannot get pregnant.
That's all.
#i needed to vent#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson fanfic#stranger things#eddie munson fics#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson x you#alpha!eddie munson x omega!reader#alpha!eddie munson x reader#omega!reader#abo#omegaverse#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson one shot#eddie munson angst#robin buckley is the mvp in this#eddie x you#eddie x reader
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
confidence
introduction:
hey loves! one thing i’ve observed in self improvement spaces online is an obsession with confidence, and how to be confident. i’ve seen those red-pill guys give toxic confidence tips for guys, and self improvement girls give toxic confidence advice for girls. confidence is something we all desire because it's something we generally need more of, or help with.
what really is confidence?
confidence is shown internally and externally. internally it’s a mindset we need to work on. externally we present ourselves as someone who is secure in themselves. i think both are important- when you show it, you start to feel it a little bit.
internal- we walk into a room without comparing ourselves to others. we don’t think that we’re superior or inferior to anyone
internal- we still love ourselves after mistakes
internal- we recognize that we’re human and sometimes slip up
internal- we take care of ourselves and think positive thoughts
internal- we don’t view other people as competition
internal- we don’t care about what other people think of us
external- we treat people with kindness
external- we stay out of drama & gossip
external- we have straight posture
external- we make eye contact & smile when we talk
external- we’re friendly to other people
external- we try new things
external- we avoid making self-depricating comments
external- we don’t try to get validation from other people
internal changes:
writing down insecurities, fears, etc.- have a journal to write about how you feel, it really does help
avoid comparing other people. when you start doing it- just tell yourself to stop. it won’t work at first, but eventually you’ll stop doing so.
reminders. remind yourself that not everyone is judging you- people are caught up in their own lives and insecurities too. remind yourself we all fall and make mistakes, but you have the power to get back up.
meditation. i had to go back to this cuz i wasn’t feeling too good. i do 5 minute meditations- you can find guided ones on youtube. they’re very quick so it won’t take too much time out of your day.
external changes: (aka fake it til u make it)
walk with a straight back and lift your chin up
practice making eye contact talking
taking care of yourself. at my time at military school we were taught that self respect also means taking care of your appearance, and just looking good. you don’t need to put effort into your looks in terms of doing your hair and nails and makeup- but just look someone put together, and if you want then go above and beyond. when you look good, you feel good!
working out. exercise is proven to make you feel better, and when you put effort into yourself (which includes more than exercise, things like stretching, good hygeine) you’re going to feel better.
give people genuine compliments
stop self depricating talk. stop calling yourself dumb or ugly, or all those things. first of, it makes other people feel like they can do it to you, and it will make you feel worse about yourself!
surround yourself with people who make you feel good.
conclusion:
it takes time to feel confident, and you definitely won’t feel it 24/7. i still get horribly insecure sometimes and i know i still have a lot of growth to make, but by implementing these changes it’s a first step- and by staying consistent you’ll get closer to seeing yourself in a healthier light. of course if your self hatred is to the point where it’s causing serious damage to yourself/your mental health you should get treatment.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Aziraphale’s reaction to the kiss: A Breakdown (that’s it that’s the reaction.)
A lot of people say that this anguish Aziraphale feels after the kiss is due to this feeling of “Why now? Why didn’t you do this before, when I wanted you to?” And I think that can be part of it, for sure. But man, that’s just one part of this gigantic, writhing ball of emotions in Aziraphale in that moment, all of them fighting each other, all of them painful. I’m going to breakdown the breakdown, because writing essays analyzing the minds of fictional characters is apparently all I want to do these days. Also, judging by this absolute nutball of a season that confirmed literally multiple “bit of a stretch” deep dives, I feel I can ignore that little voice whispering “this is silly” into my ear. I can dive as deep as I want, because there goes Neil Gaiman with an aqualung, swimming deeper.
So. The kiss, and why Aziraphale looks so gosh darned sad about it.
First of all, there’s shock. Major shock. Because despite everything, he still likely never thought this would ever actually happen. (Him and me both.) Or maybe – a small maybe, but a maybe that I might put a dollar on, if the odds were good – the idea of kissing Crowley never occurred to his conscious brain before at all. He’s so good at compartmentalizing and denying that it’s very possible he’s managed to nip every intrusive thought before it went far enough to be fully conscious.
Then, there’s fear of being seen. (“Who is watching? Will the Metatron see? He only allowed me to work with Crowley after he regained angelic status – if he sees me and Crowley now –”) Then, a layer deeper, there’s his ever-present fear response to things going too fast, because despite how we all know he feels, he’s still not sure he’s ready for any kind of partnership, let alone one this intimate and close. Because even for humans, this is a really, really big jump – we typically don’t kiss when we haven’t even been on a date (officially) yet, and usually not before both parties admit to their feelings.
Then, even deeper, is that anguished, heartbroken “Why now? My God, why now?” response, because his subconscious has always wanted this, but also knows that this is the worst possible time for it to happen, and now he’s lost that first kiss with Crowley—the one he wanted, anyway. The one that was supposed to be filled with joy, and is instead marked with the worst pain he’s ever felt.
Then there’s the second “Why now” response, and this is where I might be dipping a toe into the Hot Take puddle. Because I think there’s that knee-jerk fear response he’s yet to shake, and which overtakes his rational thinking whenever he’s terrified of Heaven or unsure of himself. It’s the suspicion he’s always held of Crowley. He’s thinking “Why now?” as in, “Is this the temptation that God and Heaven warned me about? Is this Crowley the Serpent, fulfilling his duty? Is this the true proffered apple, a kiss that’s meant to keep me from serving Heaven? Is he tempting me, knowing how I feel, knowing I’m weak?”
That’s the true anguish of this scene, I think. He’s fighting all these feelings, but on top is this old fear, this old anger and suspicion of Crowley, assuming he’s lying. Demons lie, Crowley admitted it himself. Crowley is the original Serpent of Eden, designed to tempt people away from God. And this feeling is what’s on top, because the alternative is…what? That Crowley actually feels this way? That Crowley, a demon, loves him, Aziraphale, enough to be this vulnerable, with no wicked ulterior motive? Aziraphale is a lot of things, but he’s certainly not a being who thinks he’s desirable. He sees himself as opposite to Crowley, and if Crowley is temptation personified, Aziraphale is then the personification of undesirableness. Deep down, this idea of the Serpent of Eden being tempted by him, Aziraphale, is simply ludicrous.
And then there’s self-hatred that he even thinks this thought of his friend, then suspicion, then fear again, then confusion, then anguish, then fear, then pain, and so on. All of this happens in a few seconds, and all of it coalesces into a singular takeaway: “This is the worst.” And because the one who technically caused it is Crowley, Aziraphale does what he does very well: he forgives Crowley, because he’s too prim and angelic to say “Goddamn you,” which is what he truly means. Goddamn you for making me feel this way. Goddamn you for making me doubt you. Goddamn you for forcing this option on me, when I can no longer take it, and when I don’t even know if it’s real. Goddamn you for putting this apple in my hands when we both know I can’t eat it. Goddamn you for reminding me that no matter what, it is not in my stars to live a happy life.
#good omens 2#good omens#good omens 2 spoilers#good omens spoilers#good omens meta#good omens 2 meta#go2#go2 spoilers#gos2#gos2 spoilers#good omens s2 spoilers
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
The problem with SVSSS Omegaverse AUs is if I want to keep it close to canon I have to ignore the fact that in any Omegaverse version Tianlang-jun was definitely the one to birth Binghe
Because I can't imagine an Omegaverse SVSSS where Su Xiyan isn't an Alpha who knocked up Tianlang-jun
Tbh if I was to write Omegaverse SVSSS Demon Omegas would be top of the food chain in the demon realm and omega/omega relationships are common amoungst top demons. Betas are second rank as they are useful for not losing their heads. Alpha's can be very powerful and respected especially when paired with a powerful omega, but most alphas are an oppressed minority and kept as pets by omegas.
Whereas it's more typical a/b/o dynamics in the human realm
And because of Airplane's bullshit Binghe is a human Alpha AND a demon Omega
Shen Qingqiu is an omega because of Shen Jiu angst but a byproduct of Without a Cure is it is basically a suppressant and Shen Yuan spends most of his time as Shen Qingqiu as basically a beta which helps him miss cues
Everyone thinks Shang Qinghua is a beta or they know he's an alpha but forget it because he acts more like a Beta. The only one who is always hyper aware he's an Alpha at all times is Mobei
Mobei and Sha Hualing are obviously omegas
Liu Qingge is a beta. This surprises most people but I argue that's why he's socially clueless
Yue Qingyuan is presented as an alpha because his Shizun wanted him to be but he actually is/was an omega though no one knows. Lots of potential for angst
My Qingfang is a beta
Qi Qingqi Alpha
Ning Yingying - Omega
Ming Fan - Alpha
Liu Mingyan - Alpha (people on the forums speculated that this is why she didn't get any sex scenes with Binghe but also forbidden romance was appealing)
Zhuzhi-lang....Alpha I think. Lends to how he lower rank in Demon society and has low self esteem
Linguang-Jun is a beta. The fact his nephew is an Omega and therefore more respected adds to his hatred
Which is all interesting but if it was Tianlang-jun pregnant Binghe would be raised in the demon realm by both his parents because Su Xiyan would burn down Huan Hua Palace to get to her pregnant Omega
Which means any AU I write is going to be far from main canon
252 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Story of Us
➪the one where things are a bit different after you and anakin get back together.
Warnings: angst if you squint, fluff, indications of smut
Word Count: 2k | Part 1 - Part 2
Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡ | Thank you for 3.5k followers mwah
Anakin really tried to remain professional and appear unemotional, but he couldn’t help the turn of his head that often resulted in him looking in your direction. Could he really be blamed, though? You looked absolutely stunning, the dark blue dress you wore fitting you perfectly and giving you the rare chance to ditch the robes.
Anakin wore something similar, a dark suit and a tie that matched your dress. It was subtle, and didn’t give away the fact that you two were together. You were on a mission, of course, but still together.
You and he were acting as a Senator’s bodyguards, and your role was to make sure he made it through the gathering unharmed. The room was packed, so it was tough to keep an eye on both the man and you, but somehow Anakin managed to do it just fine.
Really, who could blame him for not being able to keep his eyes off you? He thought you looked good all the time, but there was something about the way your dress hugged your body that had him refraining from going over there and causing a scene with you.
He was holding onto the fact that he is the one who will get to take you home in a few hours, and it’s him who will take that dress off you. Everyone else could have their looks, but that’s all they’ll ever get from you, and he knew that.
Anakin was talking to one of the guests, pretending like he was very interested in what she was saying, when in reality he really didn’t care much. She inched closer to him and he could practically feel her body heat radiate onto his. Anakin cleared his throat and looked around the room, almost instantly making eye contact with you.
You give him a guarded expression before turning back to the man you were talking to, making Anakin’s heart drop a bit. It hadn’t been too long ago that he was preparing to give up everything he’s ever worked for by purposely failing his mission of protecting Padmè and letting himself turn to the darkside. He knew your self-hatred was still present in your mind, and he wasn’t about to let your head go to the automatic conclusion that this was the same situation as before.
When the girl lifted her hand to place it on his chest, Anakin took her by the wrist and gently, but also firmly, guided her away from him. He ignored the unimpressed look she gave him and made his way over to you.
Like he expected, when you caught onto the fact that he was standing next to you, you turned away from the man and faced him. “Anakin,” you greet formally, acting as if the pair of you were only friends.
“Y/n,” he said back, stepping away and nodding towards a corner of the room that was less crowded and darker than the rest of it. You just nod and follow him, glancing back to make sure the Senator was still doing alright. After confirming that he was still where you last saw him, you turn to your boyfriend and meet his eyes. “I know what you’re thinking.”
You lift a brow and keep a few steps between the two of you. “No, you don’t,”
He furrows his brows and gestures to the girl who was making an advance on him a couple minutes before. “That wasn’t anything, you know,”
“I know,” came your instant reply, and he knew right away that you were lying. You were a good liar, just not to him. He’s watched you lie to people in the past, with good intention, of course, and you always got away with it. You just simply couldn’t lie to him, much like how he couldn’t lie to you.
“Angel,” he huffed quietly, briefly looking around to make sure you weren’t being given any suspicious glances, not that he’d be able to step away from you just yet, anyway. “We’ve talked about this.”
You sigh and look at the floor. “I know,” you say again. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting to be thrown back into all of this with you when we’ve only just worked things out between us. The distance was harder than I thought it would be, it’s not easy to stay away from you right now.”
“We were always together,” he said quietly, taking a chance to grab your hand, shielding the action with his body so it would go unseen by the guests. “Maybe not physically, but I was with you. And it’s not easy for me to stay away from you, either.”
In all honesty, Anakin was counting down the seconds until this mission and night were over, so he could take you back home to your newly refurbished room you shared together. You looked so pretty, he found himself feeling the smallest bit jealous that everyone in this room got to see you like this and not just him.
You squeeze his hand. “At least we have that,” you nearly whisper and go to pull away, but Anakin wasn’t satisfied with the outcome of his conversation. He promised to fight all your battles with you, and you were clearly still in a vulnerable state right now.
Even though he loved going on missions with you by his side, he knew it was hard for you to focus right now and would continue to struggle with your tasks until you’ve won this inner battle against yourself. He wished you had been given an out for this one, but he was glad he was with you in your time of need. He didn’t know what would happen if he had to leave you while you were still not feeling like yourself only a few days after getting you back.
He tugged you back to him and waited until you met his stare before saying, “When this is over, we’re going away together,” he promised with a small grin. “I found a place in the city I think you’ll like.”
He didn’t think you’d like it, he knew you would, because he simply knew everything about you, like you knew everything about him. Even though what happened between you had him questioning that for a short while there, he actually believed it only strengthened your bond.
You smile at him and he all but melts at the sight, wanting to take you in his arms and kiss you in front of everyone in this room, but he couldn’t.
He settled on running his hand along the small of your back as you turned and walked away from him, the smile still painted on your lips as you made your way to the Senator.
-
You huff angrily as you sort through your clothes, pulling gently on the still broken dresser. Anakin hadn’t fixed or replaced it yet, so you had to be careful when opening the drawers unless you wanted them to fall out completely.
Tossing another article onto the unmade bed behind you, a small groan of frustration leaves your lips as you look inside the drawer from your knelt position. Before you could even begin to rummage around in it, the bedroom door swings open and you look up at Anakin, knowing that he was near as you could feel his lingering presence more than anyone else’s.
You meet his eyes, a pout on your lips as you huff again. “What’s wrong?” He asked, slightly breathless as if he had dropped any current task he was taking on just so he could return back to your room when he felt your frustration begin to seep into your body.
You pick up another shirt and once again toss it behind you. “I can’t find it,” you say in annoyance.
He narrowed his eyes as he took in the clothing covered bed. “Find what?”
“My nightgown,” you answer and tug open another drawer, closing your eyes when it ends up detaching from the actual dresser and falling to the floor due to the force you put on it. Anakin held back a laugh, his mood lifting when he was met with physical proof that you were fine, despite feeling it when you began to feel frustrated. “My blue one. I can’t find it anywhere.”
It was your favorite piece of clothing you owned, simply because it reminded you of Anakin’s eyes, something he was very much aware of. You wanted to find it as it was one of the few things you would be bringing with you to the city as you and Anakin would be secretly moving there within the next few days.
You give him a desperate look. “Help me look for it? Please? I don’t want to have to get a new one,”
Anakin actually did laugh quietly at your subtle pout before he was reaching his hand out to you. Taking it, you let him pull you up from the floor, not caring about the various articles of clothing that fell from your lap. “I don’t think that will be necessary,” he commented, leading you over to the bed and reaching his free hand inside his pillowcase. Your eyes widened when he pulled out the gown and held it out to you.
“Anakin,” you murmur, taking it from him and holding it to your chest. “How long has it been in there?”
He gives you a look of embarrassment mixed with agony. “Since the night you left,” he confessed, reluctantly meeting your eye as you stared up at him. “It didn’t help me get any sleep, but it made me feel close to you when I tried to.”
Your eyes burn almost instantly and you drop the nightgown onto the growing pile on the bed. You reach up and wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him down against you, your hand sliding up to tangle in his hair.
Your heart felt like it had physically cracked at his words, something you were sure he felt, too, and you tried to blink away the tears that stung your eyes. “Anakin,” you spoke quietly, pressing your body close to his when he wrapped his arms around your middle. “I’m so sorry I put you through that.”
He shook his head before resting his chin on your shoulder. “It wasn’t about me,” he said, just as quietly. “I wasn’t there for you when you needed me to be, I wasn’t more understanding of how you were feeling.”
“Anakin,” you shake your head at him and rest it against his chest. “You’re perfect. You always have been. What happened was because of me and my inability to cope with things on my own. I’m working on it, so I won’t do that to you or to us ever again.”
“I want to work on it with you, angel,” he rasped, caressing the sides of your face and making you meet his eyes. “Whatever you may be going through, I want to go through it with you. I don’t want us to ever be apart, we’re better when we’re together.”
You gaze up at him through burning eyes and nod. “I know,” you agreed and leaned into his soft touch. You can’t believe you almost lost him forever. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright, my love,” he assured you, pressing a kiss to your forehead while his thumb wiped away the few tears that had managed to slip past your eyes. He met your gaze again as he whispered, “I love you.”
You lean further up and kiss him, your hands sliding down to his shoulders as he backs you towards the bed. When your knees hit the edge of it, he guided you down so you’re laying on top of all the clothes sprawled out on the bed and he’s hovering over you. “I love you,” you promised and captured his lips in another desperate kiss. “I always will, Anakin. My heart is yours.”
Anakin gave you his famous grin before his lips were back on yours and he was pressing your body into the messy bed with his own.
#anakin star wars#anakin skywalker#anakin skywalker imagine#anakin skywalker smut#anakin smut#anakin skywalker headcanons#anakin skywalker x reader#anakin skywalker imagines#hayden christensen#hayden christensen gif#hayden christensen icons#hayden christensen imagine#hayden christensen edit#star wars angst#star wars#star wars attack of the clones#star wars anakin
552 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Frenzied Flame and the appeal of abject nihilism
Elden Ring's endings have been talked to death at this point, what's good, bad, mistranslated, so on and so forth. In this discussion, it is very clear that the Frenzied Flame ending is the bad one. The big "fuck everyone else" ending. You burn down everything, melt it, until nothing remains. What makes it notable in comparison to the other endings, however, is the buildup to it.
The moment you gain the option of taking this route, it is very clear what the end result is. Hyetta tells you to melt all that divides and Melina begs the player to consider the good still in the world. The game makes no effort to hide what will happen next.
This might appeal to someone who has come to believe the Greater Will is the real evil and source of all suffering, or some edgelord who wants to make everything miserable, but both of those have better ending options to pursue for their beliefs (Ranni and Dung Eater respectively). The Flame appeals to a different group than either of those though.
The Frenzied Flame instead is presented as both the end of all pain, grief, and woe, but also it represents the option of revenge. You find the Three Fingers at the bottom of a mass grave, full of the victims of a genocide.
In that moment, looking upon the merchant's corpses, it is difficult to imagine anything other than anger and pain. Even if you topple the Golden Order in a different ending, the perpetrators of the atrocity go unpunished. With the flame though, you can exact this vengeance upon the Order. The rest of the world is collateral, but don't they deserve to be punished? Is it really alright to let the world keep going if this is what happens, over and over again?
In reality, odds are the people involved with the genocide of the Merchant Caravans are long gone. They are either dead or functionally so, making any vengeance taken even emptier than it would be otherwise. The Golden Order is corrupt and needs to be dismantled, but to do so at the cost of everyone and everything's life is an insane option. But the Frenzied Flame isn't meant to be rooted in logic, it is instead rooted in gut emotion. That crying sense of injustice, of hatred finally boiling over.
Perhaps that is what makes it the most selfish ending. That embrace of the nihilistic ideal of life being the root of all suffering, life itself being a mistake, and choosing to rectify that is the most self serving possible option. We know this, but it doesn't feel that way in the moment. By making you stand in that mass grave, listening to a half dead man continue playing his song of sorrow, it makes us want to take the flame and burn all that divides and distinguishes.
That is what makes the Frenzied Flame ending so good in all honesty. It is wrong in every way, the worst possible one, but it is oh so very tempting, even if only for a moment. In the end though, Melina is right. Even though the world is really messed up and nothing is working right, life still persists. That is beautiful in and of itself, is it not?
292 notes
·
View notes
Text
Monster Mash
Prologue
This is a collection of what was supposed to be small fics accidently turned full fics of you getting fucked by nine monsters, who are also your boyfriends (and each others)
CW: DUBCON, poly relationship with multiple monsters, polyamory, polygamy, polycule, free use, plot what plot/porn without plot, the plot is porn, mentions of anal sex and vaginal sex, mentions of aftercare, monsterfucking (Each chapter will have it's own warnings) This is an 18+ series with a female human
Monsters Included (In order of the series): Vampire, Drider, Satyr, Werewolf + Orc, Centaur, Naga, Siren + Merman, All Present
AO3
Monster Mash Masterlist
Next ->
Being in a relationship with nine different monsters was a very interesting thing, a day was never dull, watching the various ways they interact with each other and their environment in and around the shared living space, the small petty arguments and minor domestic disputes when one of them did something another didn't like were entertaining but exhausting. But they did agree on one thing, you.
Their little human.
It didn't start out like this, one by one you unknowingly added a monster to your list of lovers, to your harem. You met them at different times at different locations, getting to know them not knowing how they felt and why they started talking to you, if they knew you are talking to different monsters behind their back, they knew, they could smell each other on you. They never liked creatures outside their own kind, barely tolerated them if they had to interact with a different species, hell, most didn't even like their own species, finding them annoying or a waste of time. But with you that changed.
Watching from the shadows, they stayed close to keep you safe and the others away, getting into bloody fights if one got too close for the others liking, they'd sometimes go as far as to let themselves get bloodied and bruised just so you could pamper and coddle them once you saw the state they are in, littered in cuts and bruises, bites and scratches. It never lasted long, you'd yell and scolded them for being so stupid and reckless, for the petty territorial claim they put over you.
"Don't you have at least one thing all of you agree on? Like something in common and like enough to share?" You foolishly asked one day, not knowing what that would lead to, what one, innocent in nature, lone question made them all collectively agree for the first, and probably the last, idea they all agreed on.
Swallowing their self pride and ego, as well as their hatred for one another, they agreed on sharing. With a few conditions, they didn't want to lose their precious human. And if living together with a different species they loathed and could hardly stand meant they got to keep you, so be it.
They hated it at first, wanting you all you had to themselves, growling and snarling and hissing at the other residents if you got too close. Marking you in obvious places for all to see and scent you until the other couldn't stand being around. Fuck you in full view of the rest, knowing they can't get violence or aggressive without risking you avoiding them for a whole day.
It's their way of showing dominance over each other, showing they are the better boyfriend and mate. A way of saying they can please you better, make you cum harder, render you brainless quicker than any of them can, have you drooling and begging for more.
Overtime they adapted and accepted this new living arrangement, learning about each other and their lives, how their species acted and thrived and their cultures. It wasn't all happy and domestic though, arguments were and still are common. Your vampire lover screaming from his section of the manor for one of them to keep it down during the day while he was trying to sleep, the werewolf running around, both indoors and outdoors, to burn energy and disturbing Driders web or the Naga's nest, the list goes on.
Most took to living outside the manor you bought together since it came with a massive plot of land, in a small hut, barn, burrow underground or a body of water, just to live away from the chaos living with nine monsters brought and some alone time, in peace and quite with you, away from the bickering and shouting. A sanctuary for them to rest.
You love joining them and spending time there too, bathing in the silence, just you and your lover. They are more than happy to keep you there, all to themselves, full of their cock or cocks as they fucked you, or you fucked them, bouncing on their dicks or dicks, using them the way they use you.
One thing they were adamant on not sharing for the longest time, was you, yes, they agreed to live together, but that didn't mean they liked it or agreed to be nice to each other. Sharing you was off the table, if one wanted a turn they could wait, problem being that wait could be a few hours to a whole day, at worst a week or so.
That changed when you begged for two of them to tag team you, have you in the middle with one in your cunt and one in your mouth, maybe add a third. Oh, how could they say no to that? Having you looking all pretty and cute for them while getting treated like the monster cock whore you are.
It very quite became the norm to find one of them balls deep in one of your holes, pounding away like their life depended on it, bending you over every available, fucking you from behind until you were limpless and unable to move, holding you up and your legs open wide or your legs wrapped around their waist as they double dicked you down.
Leaving you spent and used out in the open for the next one, letting whoever decided to use you next had easy access to use you how they liked, to fuck you hard and deep, covered in bite marks and cum and sweat. Sometimes they'd tie you up with the Driders' silky webs or let the Naga wrap his tail around you to keep you in place, having you lay there like a premium sex toy only they can use.
You got used to being covered in some type of marking, bites and bruises was now a warm welcomed part of your life. Having your brain empty when the siren sang his song when you visited the backyard lake turned makeshift ocean for him and the Merman, impaling you o his inhuman cock, the Merman would join in, entering your puckered ass while you pulled you under the water, kissing you deep in heated moments to provide you with air. Leaving you on the shore once done to warm up in the sun as they laid half on the land, half in the sea, stroking your salt soaked hair from your eyes.
They still took care of you afterwards. After fucking you to the nine hells and the heavens and back, after rendering both your mind and body and voice useless, they'd pamper you they way you pamper them, telling you how good you did, how much they love you and are glad and grateful you're theirs. Undoing the silk, or licking up the blood, waiting for the knot to deflate or for you to catch your breath, which every one with you would cuddle you after cleaning you up. One or more would join until you were under a heap of warm and cold bodies, when asked they denied doing it because they loved each other.
Some didn't mind sharing most of the time, working together to ring out countless orgasms from you until it hurt, and you physically couldn't any more. Some refused to, wanting to keep everything you had to give and take to themselves and only sharing if they saw fit, or you begged on your knees. Another common was waking up sore and dripping with cum, sometimes in a new place after you traded you off to another one, you gave your consent for them to use you in your sleep or to continue to keep using you after they fucked you unconscious until they were satisfied.
But that didn't mean they were always in charge of the scenario and situation, they are, especially the werewolf, weak to your pout and puppy eyes when you ask them ever so nicely to tie them up and ride them or peg them until their tired and overstimulated, it was always a fun time, giving the same treatment they gave you, though they never gave in much, wanting you to be on the receiving end of what they have to give and the pleasures they can provide.
Your days are never dull, with nine monsters tending to your every need and whim, and you tending to theirs
#monster smut#monsterfucking#monster fucker#monsterfucking cw#monsterfucking nsft#monsterfucker#monster boyfriend#monster lover#terat0philliac#terato#teratophillia#exophelia#monster x reader#monster x human#monster x you
362 notes
·
View notes
Text
The thing about Zim's feverish devotion to the Tallest is that it’s actually a relatively recent development for him. If you look at his interactions with the previous Almighty Tallest during 'the Trial' - you can see that while he’s trying to be as obedient as any good Irken he’s a lot less… eager to please compared to his present self, and he doesn’t seem to be under the specific delusion of being the Tallest’ favorite as he is today. And he actually used to express dissatisfaction with the then-current Tallest’s policy and have aspirations of being Tallest himself one day.
Which, you know, it might be reasonable that even Zim had to eventually face the fact he’s not going to hit a growth spurt at age 500 - but that doesn’t explain why he dropped his ability to complain about the Tallest in general.
It might be that the Shift happened specifically when Red and Purple rose to power. The other Tallest barely knew who Zim was, but Red and Purple knew him for years and already detested him. And despite the thick all-encompassing cocoon of self-delusion Zim lives in, he is aware of this on some level. See Jhonen’s comparison between Zim and Dib in some of the promotional stuff to ‘Enter the Florpus’
This parallel doesn’t work unless, despite Zim’s insistence, he is aware on some level the Tallest don’t actually love him and don't think he’s amazing. He does know, at least subconsciously, that the Tallest hate his guts, and that’s what makes him uniquely obsessed with pleasing them specifically as well as doubling-down on the delusion that they love him to ludicrous degrees.
Or maybe, while the Tallest’ already existing dislike of him probably played a part, you can very much argue the biggest factor was the burning crashing failure that was Operation Impending Doom 1. Like with the Tallest’ hatred of him in general - Zim acts like he totally does not understand that he did anything wrong in ID1
But it’s clear that he has some level of understanding that he Fucked Up
The Pilot narration also seems to confirm that Zim’s obsession with conquering the earth is at least partially fueled by trying to make up for his Impending Doom 1 blunder
So his desire to both compensate for his failure and to deny that it ever happened is making him both slavishly obedient towards his leaders and obsessively insistent that they love him despite all evidence to the contrary - that’s the only way to shut down the voice in his head that knows that’s wrong.
Or maybe Zim has just always been gay for Red and Purple.
#invader zim#iz#iz analysis#zim#zim iz#iz zim#invader zim zim#invader zim iz#zim invader zim#zim irken#tallest purple#tallest red#almighty tallest#iz tallest
127 notes
·
View notes
Text
I had this idea a few months ago, but I was having trouble expressing myself, anyway the short version goes something like this :
“Jason and jazz meet each other at a gala when they were both at the highest points of their lives, there they form a brief friendship, years later they meet again in Gotham city, now at their lowest.”
Basically, Jazz and Jason met each other via Vlad when he was still robin, and she a proud prodigy. Two years later, Jason has died came back as the vengeful crime lord Red Hood. Blindsided by his hatred, he has lost the connection to the people who used to emotionally support him, and now stands alone in his quest for vengeance. However, Jazz has lost just as much as him in this two-year gap, her brother has fully died in the hands of the GIW which thankfully caused a public outcry leading to the dismemberment of the organization and subsequently the imprisonment of its collaborators, but that unfortunately also included the Fentons.
Jazz's trauma has also interfered with her ability to study, leaving her grades in her last year of high school lacking, not only that, but now she has to live with someone like Vlad who constantly mocks her for how much she has regressed since her brother died, making her live in regret of the present and envy of her former self. Eventually, with much effort, she is able to convince Vlad to buy her a cheap an apartment in Gotham city, so she can attempt to live on her own with a minimum wage job, in order to heal or at the very least escape her narcissistic godfather. There on a fateful day, she meets a mysterious vigilant bleeding on the streets, and it's compelled to save his life.
#danny phantom#dp x dc#dpxdc#dcxdp#dp anger management#anger management#I Don't think this explains the idea that I had particularly well but it's best that I can do right now(｡ŏ﹏���ŏ)
365 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hiii Crab so happy to see you write outside of our rants/idea chats and my fellow delulu cod enjoyer!
Would love to request Platonic!141 + Reader (sorry if this is long and somewhat confusing lol). You can do headcanons, drabble or whatever you comfy for.
An idea that popped in my head kinda semi personal: Civ or 141! Reader though has parents and family is the reader is quite something else. Reader despite having somewhat normal upbringing still feel empty; they shouldn't be feeling this numb and empty deep inside of them. The reader craves the love that they give but couldn't or lack of receiving it back, though they don’t expect it or selfishly want it. Just someone who understands them even in their deepest darkest secret or flaw then boom cue the task force 141 unexpected yet welcoming to their life and maybe the one that the Reader can lean and let them be vulnerable on (finally).
Take your time on doing this
Looking for to your other writing genuinely
-Cee, your fellow Soap delulu
GN!Reader & 141 (Mostly Price)
Warnings: Slight angst
Ships: None.
A/N: This absolutely ran away from me and I do not at all regret it, hope you enjoy, Cee!!!
Words: 3549
Almost your entire life had been a cycle of self doubt that also started to churn and twist into self-hatred. You blamed yourself for the feelings. Afterall, you had a relatively normal upbringing. Two parents who were both present in your life, both of whom worked so that you all had food on the table and a roof over your head. A luxury that very few had.
The least you could do for them is follow the path that they wanted to put you on, no matter how much you didn’t want to do it. Because you loved them.
So you excelled in your education, studying hard to try and impress your parents– to make them love you just as much as you loved them for everything that they did for you for your entire life. They wanted you to do all three sciences despite the additional workload it would add to your already stretched thin time? Then you would do them, take any extra classes after school in order to keep up with the work and not lag behind any of your peers.
There was no such thing as a social life, either, not when you had homework and projects due. Friends were few and far between. Generally, most people left when they realised how hyper focused you were on your grades instead of social interaction.
Did a classmate get a higher grade than you on a test? Well obviously you didn’t study hard enough, you just needed to dedicate more time to school even though school was all you had.
Did you get the highest marks in the class? Good, that was what was expected of you. Why didn’t you get full marks? You were better than that. You would do better because you loved your family. They showed it in their own way, of course, by encouraging you to study harder and get better grades. That was their love language, and yours was doing as they asked without a second thought. Because, at the end of the day, you were lucky to have an upbringing like you had. You would ignore the hollow void clawing at your chest because you had no right to feel that way– not when you had a roof over your head and parents that loved you(?).
It was when you came top of the class with full marks in a recent test, you came home with a beaming smile on your face and proudly showed the test to your parents. They took the papers from your hands, flipping through your work with critical eyes, before handing the papers back to you.
‘Well done, we’re so proud of you.’ That was all you wanted them to say to you. That was all you needed to hear. To know that they loved you.
‘Your penmanship is terrible.’ Was what you got instead. When you tried to point at the big 100% in green pen, you were waved away. ‘How are you expected to get a job when you write like a child? I’m surprised the teacher could even read your answers’.
After several years of balancing a work and educational life and paving a way for a line of work that you didn’t want for parents you should have been grateful to have, you decided that enough was enough.
No matter how hard you worked, no matter how high your marks were, they would never be proud of you. They would never return the love that you had for them until you nearly killed yourself trying.
Spending your entire childhood, teenagehood and all of your current adulthood trying to please your parents predictably would damage one’s psyche. You had no friends, family who had never been devoted to you as you were to them, and high grades serving as the foundations to a prison-like future.
You dropped out of University. The only option forward that you saw was joining the army in the vain hope that the empty feeling inside of you would dissipate when you actually did something that you believed was more worthwhile than any University course.
So you threw yourself into the military, working harder than all of the other recruits and training at every chance you could.
Your skills and determination became widely recognised amongst your peers. It took several years, but you eventually caught the eye of none other than Captain John Price.
Impressed by your willpower that not many soldiers possessed, he offered you a place on the 141.
Naturally, you agreed. You believed that being part of such a well renowned and respected team would finally beat back the lingering self doubt and emptiness that had curled itself around your heart.
It didn’t. If anything, it made it worse.
You were invited to join the 141, sure, but they had already established their own relationships between each other, had already bonded into a close knit group, and you were simply an outsider. Yes, you had been hand picked by Price himself, but that didn’t mean you were part of the team. They had their own inside jokes that they told to one another, leaving you feeling left out on most days.
And you felt… lacking around them. Ghost was stronger, Gaz was faster, Soap was smarter (he was a demolitions expert for crying out loud!), and Price was almost all of those rolled into one. They all complimented each other as a team. Meanwhile you felt like a spare tyre, a master of nothing and barely a jack of any trade.
Despite how you felt about it all, they all called you ‘kid’. Regardless of age gaps between yourself and the rest of them, the nickname stuck mostly because you were the newbie. It came as a surprise that it wasn’t spat with vitriol as your peers before had, but it was in fact said with… an affection you couldn’t quite place.
You couldn’t ignore the hole in your chest that had been chipped at over the years, forming a gaping maw that no reassurances could really mend.
Doubt lingered in the back of your mind, chipping away at your sanity as you prepared for the worst. How long would it take before they realised you weren’t good enough?
You were so deep in your doubts that you didn’t realise that you had been distancing yourself even more than before until you overheard a conversation in Price’s office a few months down the line.
“-- they don’t belong on the team.” Gaz said as you passed Price’s office and your heart dropped. It was only the tailend of what he had been saying but you had gotten the gist. You wanted to stay, to listen to the conversation more and listen to what your team had to say about you, but you didn’t. What you were going to hear were likely things you had already told yourself right from the start. You keep walking on, ignoring the sting of tears burning in the corners of your eyes. The blood rushing in your ears prevented you from heating the rest of the conversation.
“-- not only are they acting like they don’t belong on the team, but they’re acting like they’re not good enough.” Gaz continued, sighing in frustration.
“Maybe they need more time.” Ghost rumbled in reply, “Let them come out of their shell a little bit. Best not rush these things.” He was talking from experience, after all.
“Aye… maybe I can invite them out for drinks or sommat? I wouldn’t want them getting transferred before we got to know them a little more.” Soap had been the one that had tried the hardest to get close to you but had also tried to give you space so as to not suffocate you with his personality.
“They won’t be getting transferred.” Price said with conviction, tapping his desk, “I chose them to be part of this team and this is where they’re going to stay. Let me have a word with them first.”
“Aye, sir.”
— — — — — —
You found yourself in the smoker’s shelter outside the main building. It was late enough that most of the soldiers had gone to bed or off to do their own things elsewhere so you doubted that you would be bothered for a little while. Just enough time for you to get your thoughts together. Your tears had dried in your eyes a few minutes ago, making them sting in the cold air. You didn’t need to look in your reflection to know that you probably looked like a wreck– entirely unbecoming of a soldier of your apparent status.
You didn’t want to get transferred. Despite your distance with the 141, you didn’t hate them. Far from, actually, you held a great deal of respect for each and every one of them. It was just that you felt like you didn’t have your place amongst them. Not good enough to be associated with them.
“Bit late to be out here in the cold, chuck.” A voice startled you out of your thoughts– one that you would recognise anywhere from the low rasp of a smoker's lungs.
“Captain.” You croaked, wincing at the patheticness in your voice. There was a scuff of boots as Price came closer, leaning into your line of vision with a furrowed brow which only furrowed more as he took in your dishevelled appearance.
“Something on your mind?” He asked kindly, perching on the arm of the bench to give you some personal space. He left his question open, allowing you any chance to steer the conversation how you wanted to. There was no judgement for catching you at your lowest, no disgust at your red rimmed eyes— just polite understanding and a non verbal offer of pleasant company.
“Why did you pick me, Captain?”
The question made him tilt his head, a frown beginning to tug on his features. You were worried you had insulted him.
“What brought this on, huh? Someone say something to you? Need me to have a word with them?” He straightened his back, scowling. Whilst you felt like you didn’t have a place in the 141, you could never deny the shield of protectiveness that Price held over his team. You remember in the back of your mind the day that some General who thought he was hot shit had the audacity to undermine Soap as nothing more than a ‘yappy dog’ when offered the Scot’s demolitions expertise. Price had appeared almost out of thin air and almost ripped the General a new one and things would have escalated into a fist fight had Laswell not intervened. It wasn’t as though Price didn’t think his own soldiers were capable of defending themselves, but he couldn’t care less about punishments aimed his own way over that of his Sergeants and Lieutenant. It was just a surprise that the protective streak extended over you, too, despite your distance to your teammates.
“I’ll sound stupid.” You mumbled, looking down at the ground as if expecting him to chastise you like a child. He didn’t.
“I’ve had my fair share of stupid over the years. Try me.”
“... and ungrateful.”
“I once had a guy punch me in the face two seconds after I took a bullet that would have killed him.” Price countered with a cut off chuckle once he remembered what was probably a mission long finished and cleared his throat. “C’mon, tell Captain what’s on your mind.”
And he sounded so sincere when he said it. Sounded like he genuinely wanted to hear what was going on in your head– that he was willing to waste what was already his important and limited time on someone like you.
“Sir—”
“John.” Price corrected gently, crows feet more noticeable at the corners of his eyes scrunched up when he smiled, “We’re off duty, you don’t need to be so formal.”
“... John.” You echoed, finding that you really didn’t like saying that. It felt like calling your teacher by their first name in primary school or a classmate’s parent other than their last name.
“Now, c’mon, tell me what’s on your mind. Might not be a therapist, but I’m better than bottling it up.” You wondered in the back of your mind how often Price did this. Sat with his soldiers and talked with them, offered them a listening ear to hear their vents and fears. You couldn’t help but feel honoured to be one of the few he willingly offered said time to. Your silence stretched on as you thought of the words to say, how to phrase what you wanted to say without sounding unappreciative of the opportunity that Price had offered you when he requested you join his team.
“I don’t feel like I belong here.” You blurted once the silence had stretched on for long enough to border on uncomfortable. John’s face fell and you quickly realised how bad that sounded and rushed to correct yourself.
“No, no, wait, let me explain–” the Captain closed his mouth to allow you to continue speaking, but you could tell that it was hard for him. “I just… you could have anyone better than me, you know? I’m not a demolition expert. I’m… I’m not the best Sniper. I’m the slowest on the team, pretty sure I’m the weakest–”
“Nope.” Price interrupted, finally breaking the bubble of your personal space as he took a proper seat next to you on the bench but still respecting the distance enough to keep a few inches between you. “Nope, not lettin’ you say another word.”
“But–”
“Nope.”
“Cap–”
“No.”
“But you could have anyone better—“
“But they wouldn’t be you.” He deflected easily. Far too easily. He leant back on the bench, crossing one leg over the other as he folded his arms over his chest. His fingers twitched and you could tell he was itching for a cigar but didn’t light one out of respect.
“Alright, sure, I can ask Laswell to give me one of the best soldiers in the SAS and have them brought here tomorrow. They could be the best of the best, top of their class, better than you and maybe even better than me. But that’s a bit of a stretch.” He winked and earned a weak chuckle from you. “But they won’t be you. I don’t pick just on skill alone, kid, I pick based on how I feel people would fit into the team. I chose you because I knew that you’d be perfect.”
“As for not being a demolitions expert, let me let you in on a little secret. I’ve no fucking clue about demolitions, either. And you don’t have to be on the team to be the ‘best Sniper’. You’re better than most, and that’s what’s important. As for being the weakest– did you or did you not bodily lift Gaz in a fireman’s carry during training the other week while he was trying to act as an injured civilian? Quite dramatically, might I add. Swooned and everything.”
You remembered that practice mission. Quite fondly, actually. Gaz was a civilian and , after being struck by a foam bullet from Soap, had dramatically screamed in agony and crumpled to the floor. When you had lifted him up and over your shoulders, the bastard continued to wail something along the lines of telling his non-existent spouse that he loved them and that his money be given to his equally non-existent children. Soap got in another shot to the man’s head, knocking off his cap in the process. Distracted as you were trying to haul your teammate out of the danger zone, you couldn’t help but laugh thinking about it now.
“Last time I checked, Gaz is somewhat heavier than a sack of flour. Don’t tell him I said that, I’ll hurt his feelings.” Price was right, you supposed. You were more than capable of carrying Gaz over your shoulders, maybe even Soap or Price himself if the time called for it. Ghost you weren’t so sure about, though. The man was a walking mountain.
“What I’m trying to say is that you have to give yourself more credit. You’re more than good enough to be on my team. I chose you for a reason.”
You… did not expect that sort of reassurance from Price. You had hoped for something along those lines, yes, but perhaps with a thrown in criticism or three. You waited for a ‘but’ that never came. The man snorted beside you and when you gave him a quizzical look, he waved off your concern.
“Shit, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think the next thing out of your mouth would be that your parents never hugged you as a kid.”
Your silence made him slowly turn his head towards you. It would have almost been comical if the situation wasn’t. His face crumbled and a wounded sound emerged from his throat.
“Sometimes they did!” You rushed to defend the people that raised you. “And they gave me food and shelter, clothes when I needed them–”
“Fucking hell. No, that’s what they’re supposed to do because they’re your parents. What about telling you that they were proud of you? That they loved you? I saw your records. Top of your class in not just your training but in your education, too. Triple sciences, mathematics, all of it. They had to be proud of you for that? My parents would have killed for me to get even a passing grade in my GCSEs.” You looked down at the ground and it was Price’s turn to have his eyes fixed on you.
“They were proud of you, weren’t they?” He asked again, leaning forwards so he could catch your eye, his own filled with concern. “Kid?”
“I don’t talk to them much anymore.”
Price inhaled sharply and he leaned back again, looking around and clenching his jaw as if fighting back his anger. His fingers twitched again. You admired his self control as he was still yet to grab a cigar that you knew he kept on his person. Usually in his breast pocket while his lighter was in his right pocket.
“Listen to me.” The Captain said, a more stern edge to his voice now that he had gathered his thoughts together. “Whatever your family said to you— how they treated you? Forget it. They showed you obligation. Not love. They didn’t want what was ‘best’ for you, they wanted bragging rights. What you’ve achieved– here, in bootcamp, in university and in school, is something to take pride in– no, no, look at me.”
Your gaze had trailed to the side so you avoided looking at your Captain in the eyes. He noticed and clicked his fingers to gain your attention back on him.
“Don’t look away from me because I want you to listen to what I’m gonna say and I want you to look at my face as I say it.” Your eyes met his blue ones, “You should be proud of everything that you’ve achieved in your life. I’m sorry that your family never told you that and I’m sorry that I haven’t said that enough to you since you joined 141.”
You opened your mouth to say something– to argue or disagree but he shook his head.
“No. It’s my turn to speak now. I’m proud of you. I am so proud of you. Everything you’ve done and everything that you’re yet to do, I will always be proud of you. You’re an exemplary soldier and I knew the moment I saw you that you would be a perfect addition to the 141 and you have proved me right time and time again. You belong on this team just as much as the rest of the boys. Do you understand?”
So many words– proud, proud, proud. That’s all you had wanted to hear for so many years from someone whose opinion mattered to you. You wanted to be seen and Price, this godsend of a man, had seen you and more.
“Kid, do you understand me?”
You nodded once and then realised that Price wouldn’t have been able to tell through your shaking. Tears blurred in the corners of your eyes and you nodded again, not trusting your voice in case it shattered.
“What do you need from me?” Price’s voice was oh so soft, like he was talking to a frightened fawn. He could see how much his words had affected you and it clearly broke his own heart.
“A hug.” Your bottom lip wobbled and his face softened as he opened his arms, twitching his fingers to urge you closer.
“I can do that.”
You leaned into him and he quickly wrapped his arms around you, drawing you in close. You could smell the lingering scent of his last cigar. The smell of his office and cleaning oil. You felt his chin on the top of your head and felt how his chest rumbled as he spoke.
“You’re part of the 141 whether you like it or not, alright? Me and the boys want you here for as long as you want to be.”
At that moment, for the first time in your life. You felt wanted. You felt appreciated and you felt seen.
have a request? send one in!
#modern warfare 2#modern warfare 3#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#johnny soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#platonic task force 141#platonic task force 141 & reader
86 notes
·
View notes
Text
Forgiveness for letting go
In Buddhism, forgiveness is not presented as a moral commandment. Instead, it is a way to end suffering. 1 Forgiveness is fundamentally for our own sake, for our own mental health. It is a way to let go of the pain we carry. Like the practice of compassion, forgiveness does not ignore the truth of our suffering. Forgiveness is not weak. It demands courage and integrity. Yet only forgiveness and love can bring about the peace we long for. 2
“Only forgiveness will make our soul peaceful.” — Buddha
Another element of letting go and being at peace with everything and everyone is genuine forgiveness. How so? Forgiveness is unconditionally surrendering whatever happened (i.e. the stories, the emotions, the thoughts) and accepting things for what they are (both back then and now) regardless of whether things have been resolved or not. It's a weakening of the ego because the ego loves to hold onto the stories it makes, and to forgive is to undermine the very things it holds onto; including its own existence. Forgiveness is also an act of letting go of the attachments and aversions, thus releasing karma as well.
The ego's first maneuver in dealing with this resentment is to try to get others to confess their faults. "You hurt me; say you're sorry." Sometimes this makes the ego feel temporarily better, but does nothing to uproot the original cause. And as often as not, even if the person does apologize, the likely result is now hatred of them. "I knew you did that to me; see you just admitted it!" The fundamental mood of the ego: never forgive, never forget.
What the ego doesn't try is forgiveness, because that would undermine its very existence. To forgive others for insults (real or imagined) is to weaken the boundary between self and other, to dissolve the sense of separation between subject and object. And thus with forgiveness, awareness tends to let go of the ego and its insults, and revert instead to the Witness, the Self, which views both subject and object equally.
Source
You don't need to do it for them; do it for yourself. Do it to let go of the negativity you've been holding onto, do it to stop hurting from memories, do it to be free of the attachments and the suffering that comes with it. Above all, do it for your own peace; that's the greatest reason of all. It doesn't mean you have to agree with what happened or have a relationship with them again or find the blessing in the pain - just let go of all the negativity you've been holding onto and accept things as they are.
Don't force the forgiveness or suppress emotions in order to do so or it wouldn't be genuine forgiveness. Remember, it is not being done in order to be morally upright (don't think of it as being the "bigger person"; that is an ego trap) or earn points to enter Heaven (lol); it is done to let go of the attachments and suffering and move forward into peace. This is also in line with Robert Adams teaching principles of being at peace with everything (although I haven't read about him talking on forgiveness specifically so far). Forgiveness is akin to mentally giving up everything (as Robert likes to say a lot) and moving on in peace.
Continue what you're doing but mentally give up everything. You have to reconcile yourself with the universe. Be at peace with every living thing, with every sentient thing. As long as you feel these things and you do nothing to stop the feeling, the attachment to this earth will become stronger and stronger and stronger. - Robert Adams
All this forgiveness/letting go/surrendering/giving up is done mentally within yourself; you don't need to communicate with anyone that you're forgiving. Even if you really can't find it in yourself to forgive the other person, at least do your best to come to a place of acceptance and peace for your own sake. If you feel guilty about something you did to someone - apologise (mentally), make peace with them in your mind and see them sincerely forgiving you then let it all go.
Do not judge whatever old thoughts or feelings that come up during this letting go, they are neither good or bad; they are simply leaving and are no longer yours. Just watch it pass through until it's completely gone. Start with something small and easy, and be amazed at the freedom and spaciousness you feel once you've let go of it completely.
All this also applies to yourself and your own thoughts and feelings about yourself; forgive yourself for what you did or did not do in the past and let it all go. Do whatever you can to make peace with everything; this will also help quiet the mind more and more. Remember that desire and attachment create the seeds of karma and that includes regret. When you've let go of enough, the mind will naturally be a lot quieter and it will be much easier to be Self without all the concepts and limitations.
So if letting go itself has felt too vague of an act for you to grasp in order to apply, try forgiveness instead! I recommend reading the linked articles for more information and also doing your own research about forgiveness and how to do so from a genuine place if this is something that resonates with you.
118 notes
·
View notes
Text
hear me out. delusional post-canon taimizu idea. after mizu gets her revenge and helps akemi secure her position in the palace mizu retires and uses her mercenary money and whatever payment akemi gives her as thanks to buy a secluded land and house, maybe in the mountains or something. and ringo is there too because of course!
and every day she forges weapons and tends to her little bit of land feeding chickens and raising horses and training and meditating. every so often they get visitors who come to seek training from mizu and/or a sword made by her hand. and i like to imagine that mizu's presentation is still fluid so she'll dress feminine and let her hair down at night or on days when no visitors are around, and dress masculine and presenting as a man when accepting visitors. all in all it's peaceful and it's familiar and she is content with her level of freedom and this restricted contact with the outside world
and in this scenario (since it's taking place in my own imagined post-canon), mizu has already duelled taigen and there was the whole gender reveal too, and there may or may not have been drama but ultimately taigen was still her ally and helped in her revenge quest. but because taigen is taigen and all about following societal rules, he never quite knew how to navigate his feelings for mizu (who goes against ALL societal expectations) and so he never quite acted on his feelings and mizu with her deep self-hatred just figured that he didn't like her that way. so when she got the chance after finishing her quest and everything, she just left him a farewell note before cutting off all ties.
but of course taigen is a whipped mf who can NOT just let mizu go so of course he spends like. years. searching for mizu and pestering akemi for information before he FINALLY finds the abode of the legendary blue-eyed swordsman
so when he arrives mizu's life is now up-turned. reluctantly she greets him as her visitor because he's "travelled very far and he's very hungry" so as courtesy she has to feed him and besides it's late and it's snowy and ringo insists that taigen stay so reluctantly she lets him stay over.
so taigen stays. and mizu tells herself it's JUST for ringo's sake. cuz ringo is obviously happy to have an old friend over (and mizu feels a little guilty here because she feels that by staying by her side he's forced to also adhere to her reclusive lifestyle despite enjoying friendships and fun). and she watches ringo and taigen having fun sparring from afar before taigen notices her watching and throws her a sword and challenges her to a spar.
and then as mizu starts fighting taigen again something lights up in her again and like man she has forgotten what this felt like. because sure she practices every day and she always spars with her students and with ringo, but this is taigen. he challenges her and goads her on and with them fighting is a dance, a play, an art.
and of course it ends with mizu handing taigen's ass to him and they're both flushed and breathless and they can't tear their eyes away from each other and there's all this TENSION and the only thing that forces them to both remember their surroundings is ringo cheering mizu on from the sidelines, thus interrupting their prolonged erotic eye contact
and before she realises it taigen is staying another night, and another. and her traitorous heart likes him around, enjoys his company, their banter, their playful duels.
and i like to imagine taigen tricking her to spar only for it to devolve into tickle fight because taigen is a childish brat looking for any way to one-up her, but also he wants her to loosen up a little and this definitely takes off guard and then they're both giggling and rolling around like kids until they get interrupted again by like some other visitor who's come to request a sword from her
SO ANYWAY fast forward and eventually taigen moves in and now when visitors come over they get training from mizu AND taigen and everyone basically knows theyre fucking but since theyre two men nobody bats an eye the end send post
EDIT: I have written a fic out of this premise which you can read here :)
#blue eye samurai#mizu x taigen#taigen x mizu#taimizu#i do wanna make this a fic but im too busy honk shoo honk shoo snrrrk mi mi mi mi#i hope this is coherent. apologies if not. brain empty only taimizu#shut up haydar#scribblings.txt#fandom.rtf#edit: coming back to tag this as ->#a new ember taimizu fic
132 notes
·
View notes
Text
What You've Done, You Cannot Undo (Medieval AU)
Chapter 3
Dew feels guilty, Rain screws up.
Rating: M now, to be safe
Content: side character death, minor descriptions of violence, flashbacks, peril
Words: 2253
Link to all chapters with associated tags: Tumblr | AO3
hi hi @revengeghoulette here's your alert! and @everybodyshusband you seemed very keen haha!
Read below, or on AO3!
Dew stomped along the path surrounding their fields. The warm sun overhead taunted him, it's rays full of promise and life while he felt only cold and empty inside. He knew he'd been too harsh on Rain, deep down, but he'd have to be threatened with banishment to the pit to admit that. Dewdrop refused to allow himself to feel guilty; that was a slippery slope of self-hatred he knew he wouldn't be able to crawl back up from. He knew he could be short-tempered, and he harboured enough resentment of his own that it was bound to overflow into his actions.
Rain seemed to have had things so much easier than him though, it wasn't fair. From the day he arrived he had bonded with the others in a way Dew had struggled to. They would chitter and purr at Rain for the slightest thing, whereas they had remained suspicious of him for ages. Dew was self-aware enough however to realize that he hadn't helped his case by hissing and growling at his packmates for the smallest thing.
That didn't mean it didn't hurt. Rain got a lot of leeway for being young, the others quick to write off his transgressions as ignorance rather than malice, but they forgot Dew was young too. Despite presenting himself as world-wise and experienced, he was closer in age to Rain than he was to any of the rest of his packmates. He'd worked hard to rewrite his time before Aether and Mountain found him, both the most difficult and most sheltered parts, but he couldn't erase their impact.
He continued his mission uphill, to the base of a large oak tree that overlooked their whole farm and surrounding area. Smoke curled from the chimneys of houses in the village in the distance, and a multicoloured patchwork of fields spread out around them. Following the path in the opposite direction, Dew could just make out the dark speck of Rain walking to Farmer Wilkins’. He was stubborn, not taking Dew's constant snipes to heart, Dew had to grudgingly respect that. He watched until Rain turned a corner and was lost from sight.
~~~~~~~
On the walk over, Rain was also enjoying the warm weather as he followed the stream. There was barely a cloud in the sky, the open blue expanse painted with faint white wisps reached as far as the eye could see. Rain could see why his help was needed: the summer had stretched on for several glorious months, and the ground beneath his feet was showing signs of cracking from lack of rainfall. A gentle breeze worked to sweep the cobwebs that still clung tightly to his dream and Dew's comments from his mind.
Arriving at the farm with sweat beginning to bead on his forehead from the heat, Rain was greeted by Farmer Wilkins, sat out on his porch. He was a jovial man, round and ruddy faced, with a vigour for life that defied his advancing age. Rain didn't know him well, but he was a regular down at the village tavern and always had a spare word or smile for Swiss when he passed by.
“Good mornin’, Rain! I didn’t expect to see you so soon, please, sit down. My daughter Marina’s preparing some elderflower cordial against this hot weather. We can wait ‘til you’re rested to begin!”
Rain awkwardly accepted the proffered seat on the porch bench, glad for the shaded spot after the heat of his walk. He heard light footsteps approaching, and looked up to see a young woman emerge from the cottage holding a tray of glasses and a jug of pale liquid.
Her dark hair fluttered around her pretty face in the breeze, and Rain gasped feeling as though he’d been shot in the chest: she was the spitting image of his childhood sweetheart. From the gentle wave in her ebony hair to the asymmetric dimples in her cheeks as she smiled at him in greeting, they could have been twins if not for her obvious humanity.
Noticing Rain’s slack-jawed stare, the farmer chuckled good-naturedly.
“Quite a looker, ain’t she Son! Don’t be getting any funny ideas, she’s engaged to the lad down the road. Childhood sweethearts, they were!”
Rain was struck by the similarities to his own previous life. In another world, his water ghoulette’s father could have spoken of him like that. Instead, Rain had the distinct impression that he had been glad to see Rain leave.
Feeling as though he was watching himself behind glass, Rain accepted a drink with shaky hands. Marina rolled her eyes at his stuttered thanks, but smiled kindly at him as she headed back inside. Luckily, the farmer seemed happy to keep the conversation moving all by himself, leaving Rain to nod in what he hoped were the appropriate places. He sipped his drink in an attempt to replace the moisture in his mouth, which was now as dry as sand. Moving his limbs to raise the glass, Rain felt like he was pulling at the strings of a marionette puppet.
Once Farmer Wilkins had exhausted his supply of one-sided small talk, the pair headed out to the fields, beginning with the one closest behind the house. Here, the corn grew luscious and tall: Mountain did a stellar job encouraging the crop earlier in the season. Rain had tagged along that day, watching as Mountain pressed his palms to the ground to imbue it with his own magical energy.
Now Rain stood in the field without the earth ghoul by his shoulder, feeling alone and detached. He sensed the eager eyes of the farmer watching him, the intense interest making Rain’s knees begin to tremble anxiously. He took a deep breath, and copied what he had done before with Mountain, what he had seen and heard Aether do a hundred times.
Raising his arms out in front of him, palms to the sky, Rain closed his eyes and called out,
“Ancient Spirits! Bless this land, that it be free from drought and pestilence.” he swept his arms around a bit, then turned his palms to the ground. “Gracious Earth, protect these bountiful crops so they may feed us another year.”
Rain winced at how fake it all felt, like he was just going through the motions, and the flowery language rang false in his ears. He cracked his eyes open and saw the farmer – along with half a dozen or so curious farmhands who had downed tools to stare – watching in barely concealed fascination. He squeezed his eyes shut again, waved his arms around a final time in what he hoped was a convincing manner, and went silent as he tried to connect with his element. Rain knew the others could control their power while talking and moving, but he still struggled without devoting his complete concentration to it.
He felt the motion of the water in the stream at the foot of the field, the weight of the droplets in the few scraps of cloud overhead. Flexing his fingers, Rain imagined drawing them in, encouraging them towards the field. He sensed the flowing rivulets of water from the creek begin to channel through the ground, moistening the dry soil around the roots of the crops. The clouds above thickened imperceptibly with the promise of future raindrops.
As Rain felt the water begin to do his bidding, he opened his eyes again to ensure that none of his changes were visible to the small audience of humans. From day one, Aether had instilled the value of plausible deniability into Rain. He insisted it was the most important part of using their elemental connections outside of ghoulish colonies, that they should never give the humans too much evidence of their power and should always leave them with a rational explanation.
As the light flooded his retinas, he saw her standing there: Marina was hovering behind her father's shoulder, watching Rain work with a curious smile and her uncannily familiar dimples. Rain choked on his breath as the sharp stab of longing for his lost future caused him to double over. The pain coursed through his veins and as it did so, Rain felt it cross over with his call to the water. Unbidden, he felt the shock and subsequent rush of emotions transfer into the water he was drawing in, reacting to the ache he had taught himself to supress.
The wisps of feathery clouds he had been coaxing to coalesce now slammed into each other as though pulled by a magnetic force. More water joined from seemingly nowhere, until the clouds hung dark grey and pregnant above the field. Unable to stop the flow of emotionally charged elemental power, Rain watched in horror as the water from the creek rose up, bursting its banks and rushing uphill in an unstoppable tidal wave of water. It reached higher than the stalks of corn, barrelling towards the assembled crowd and flattening the crops indiscriminately. He tried frantically to cut the connection and stop the flow, but with no success.
Rain's panic began to grow, only adding to the ferocity of the water, and the clouds took this as their sign to drop their contents onto those gathered below. The deluge of raindrops hit at the same time as the towering wall of water did, knocking Rain to his feet as he screamed out for the flood of both water and emotions to stop assaulting his body and mind. As the water covered his face, he felt his gills burst free and his glamour dissolve. Rain fought against the water as it dragged him further up the field and back towards the cottage.
To his horror, he saw a flash of dark hair dragged past him. The currents of his own creation slammed the girl against the stone wall of the farmhouse and pinned her there, suspended in a grotesque position, until eventually releasing her to crumple limply into the churning water below. Rain barely had time to process what he was seeing, before he heard a shattering of glass as another farmhand, a boy from the village who could barely have been fifteen, was thrown through the glass roof of a greenhouse. The rain that was still pouring down on them did nothing to dilute the obvious red of the blood spreading through the water.
The tidal wave finally retreated down the field, revealing the destruction left in its wake as it did so. The body of another farmhand emerged from the frothing stream, lifeless without the swirling of the water to animate it. Those remaining staggered to their feet, screaming out in terror. At seeing the carnage and bodies scattered across the field, they turned their anger on Rain. Feeling all the eyes on him, Rain took off running with no heed for where he was heading. Farmer Wilkins let out a howl of anguish as he cradled his daughter's mangled corpse, turning into a roar of anger directed at Rain. The farmhands left alive scrabbled for their abandoned tools scattered by the currents and gave chase, baying for Rain's blood.
As Rain hurled himself down the road, he realised too late that he was heading straight for the centre of town. The noise of the men chasing him attracted the attention of the occupants of the houses he fled past until a small mob was following him, figurative and literal pitchforks raised. Half-crazed, with fear threatening to paralyse him if he paused, Rain kept on running. Lungs burning, he kept pumping his legs as fast as they would go. His feet were now fully unglamoured and the excess webbing between his toes made his shoes feel too small. Every step was agony and yet he knew if he stopped, he was as good as dead.
Rain's mind started to swim, his actions and their consequences catching up with him making him feel dizzy and nauseous. With his tail now caught in his trousers, his balance was almost entirely gone. He felt his foot catch on a loose stone and as he went flying, he knew it was all over. Rain hit the sandy ground hard, all the breath knocked out of him. His eyes frantically swivelled left and right as he scrabbled backwards. Seeing double, Rain stared through the cloud of dust he had kicked up at the crowd bearing down on him. He registered the approaching shovel only as it slammed into the side of his head, stars flashing across his vision before everything went black.
~~~~~~~
From his seat under the tree, Dew was close to dozing off when something caught his attention. He watched in confusion as dark clouds appeared and raced across the sky, before combining together over one field. The air underneath them rippled with falling waves of the torriential rain falling from them. Dewdrop realised a few things simultaneously: firstly, those clouds weren't natural. Dew knew enough about elemental magic to recognise it when he saw it. Secondly, that amount of rain was dangerous and sure to catch the attention of the townsfolk, especially given the recent stretch of warm weather. Lastly, he realised in horror that the clouds were centred directly over the very field Rain had gone to that morning.
Dew leapt to his feet and took off running back to the farmhouse. This was it; all of their worst fears come to life. Their cover was well and truly blown and Dew had to get to the others.
#what you've done you cannot undo#cw angst#cw death#cw violence#mild but still there#the band ghost#nameless ghouls#foot of the gallows marriage#medieval au#historical au#enemies to lovers#ghost#ghost bc#dewdrop ghoul#rain ghoul#ghost fanfiction#raindrop month#em writes
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ya'll need to learn to love more than one character. Like someone loving a certain character does not take away your ability to love a different character or even their ability to love a different character
Izzy's my favorite character, yeah. But why are people assuming I hate Ed?? I fucking love Ed. I adore him so much. He's so baby girl. He tries so hard to be good and a lot of his worse actions are fuelled by his self-hatred and loss. He's fascinating to me and I want to study him like a bug. The way he distances himself from his cruelty ("technically the fire killed those guys") and how he presents himself differently to different people (the party boy to Jack, the sensitive sap with Stede, the ruthless captain to Izzy) are both things that I fucking love analyzing and talk about to my partner constantly. I love how hard he tries to be a good person! I love how he is slowly learning how to care about people on their terms instead of his own. I love his growth and how much he WANTS to grow
You know who else I love? Stede! His compassion and care for the people around him is so touching and I love that he takes so much pleasure in the little things. I love how we've watched his confidence build since the first episode, where he was constantly panicked and nervous, to a capable captain who still loves his crew but will defend himself and won't take as much shit from people like Nigel. He'll defend his crew instead of hiding like a coward. I love how he delights in details like fancy wardrobes and a cursed suit because he takes pleasure in small things like that! In marmalade and puzzle chests. He's a sweetheart and he rejects the idea that he has to be cruel to be capable
Oluwande was my favorite character when I first watched season one (though I dislike a lot of his season two writing because it feels like they dumbed him down) because he's kind and very intelligent. He cares a lot for the crew and he's extremely capable while also being a little goofy and being soooo bad at addressing his feelings. I love that he was so obviously in love with Jim, but had that first instinct of denying it if questioned because that's so often how crushes work! His little "What? No! Shut up!" When the chief pointed out his feelings for Jim still makes me giggle. He's a little awkward, but he's sweet and he's supportive. He also can be a little shit when he wants to be, like when he basically made Jim confront their past because he was petty about them not telling him about it. He's always got people's backs and there's a reason he was chosen to be the captain during the Izzy mutiny.
Jim is a character who means SO much to me as a trans person. Their arc is so special to me and they're also just... so fucking cool. I love their journey of figuring out who they're supposed to be versus who they WANT to be. Their struggle with what's expected of them and them wondering if they even want what they thought they wanted is so touching. Them defending Izzy is actually so great to me because it shows their loyalty and their need to defend their family. It didn't have to be Izzy, it could be any member of the crew and they would have their back. Because that's what family means to them. "Our dick" says a lot about them, as does their little "He was your friend" line. Jim cares about people even when they're quiter and more closed off. Hell, they stabbed a man in the first episode for insulting Frenchie and they didn't even talk yet! Them being the one to tell the Pinocchio story to Fang was so great because it shows just how soft they really are and want to be.
Speaking of, I also adore Fang so so so much. He's such a sweetheart and he's sensitive and he cares so, so much about his friends. He's a big softie and I wanna hug him. I bet he gives such great hugs. As soon as he's given the allowance to be soft, he takes it. He misses his dog that Ed forced him to kill (which I feel like no one talks about?) and gets blushy and giggly about Lucius finding him attractive. He's just!! So fantastic
I wish we knew more about Ivan because I love him and I have so much fun imagining stuff about him. Like how I hc him as a trans woman
Archie as a character is so fun and I wish wish wish we got more of her because I fucking LOVE everything about her. She's so fun to watch and I want to know how she gets along with Oluwande and I want to see her interact with the rest of the crew so badly. The way she fell in love with Jim because of their hope makes me CRY. I love that she kisses Jim while they're covered in blood and there's a rotten leg like a foot away and she doesn't care. I love her energy and her excitement and every scene with her just makes me grin like an idiot. I'm still so mad about the season being cut because I feel like we could have gotten more scenes with her
Roach is fucking great. My partner and I will quote "meat is meat" at each other constantly. He's so ridiculous and I love him. I love how obsessed with Zheng's soup he is. I love his bitchy "how am I supposed to cook here?" when Stede moves them to live under a bridge. I love how chill he is and the faces he makes when he's reacting to things. He's so funny and I love him
Frenchie is my fucking beloved. His mind box is something I think about so often. How he doesn't want to think about all that has happened to him, but doesn't. How hurt he is. How he fucking deserves every bit of becoming captain of his own ship. The fact that he sings and plays an instrument (I do not know what specific instrument he plays. Is it a ukulele?) and sings about how they're all gonna die with a grin on his face. He's a dork and I love how he hides Izzy at great risk to himself because he cares about his family as much as Jim does. The way he expdcts Ed to kill him and basically offers to do it for him just to get it over with (if I'm remembering correctly). I love his superstition and how he believes it's supported by fact! I think his superstitious beliefs are so, so interesting and I want to know where he learned them.
Wee John is so fucking great. How long has he been doing drag? What happened to his mother with whom he used to make dresses? I need to know! I love that he just wants to set things on fire all the time. I love his line about "I'd love to be stabbed by Jim". I love all of him! He's such a fun character
I love Lucius and how trauma genuinely changes him. He's a bitch and he's petty and he loves gossip. He's the first person to insert himself into a shitty breakup, helping both Stede and Ed at different points. Him keeping Jim's sex a secret and him helping both Stede and Ed is so interesting to me! He's a supportive friend and he's a slut (affectionate) and he's a bitch (affectionate) and everything about him makes me obsessed. I like that Stede has to talk to him about opening up about his trauma! I like that Lucius genuinely loves Pete and how his trauma has made him more bitter. I love how he's still the first person to call bullshit on Ed.
Black Pete actually used to annoy me, but he's grown on me. I love that he's such a dork who struggles with insecurity to the point of making shit up about himself. I love how much he loves Lucius! I fucking adore his one-liners and his delivery of them. He's so fucking funny
I could spend fucking hours talking about Mary Bonnet. I love her so much. Everything about her makes me feral. How she refuses to take Stede's bullshit. Her paintings! Her relationship with Doug that seems so fucking sweet. I love this woman. Please bring Mary back. Please. I'm begging
Buttons is Buttons. Everything about him is fucking fantastic and I want to chew on him like a chew toy
Me enjoying a certain character does not take away from my absolute love of other characters. I tend to talk about Izzy most because I find active displays of tragedy more interesting and Izzy and Ed are the most outwardly angsty characters (which is also why I'm usually talking about Kraken Era Ed when I discuss him). They outwardly express more dramatic feelings rather than characters like Stede or Frenchie who bury a lot of those feelings or express them in different ways. Izzy is from the dramatic genre and I love dramas. Comedy writing is not my specialty
But I can recognize that while I think about other characters a lot, I don't talk about them as often. So expect more metas and discussion of more characters in the future (hopefully. I just write things as I think of them and them to my queue tbh)
#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#edward teach#stede bonnet#wee john feeney#frenchie#frenchie ofmd#roach ofmd#nathanial buttons#jim jimenez#oluwande boodhari#archie ofmd#lucius spriggs#black pete#fang ofmd#ivan ofmd
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
Example of Mulder's self-deprication in Small Potatoes
Everyone knows and remembers the infamous almost kiss between fake!Mulder and Scully in Small Potatoes, just another bane of every MSR fan's existence. What's even more intriguing to me is the scene on which the episode ends. That short conversation while walking down the prison corridor in which Mulder in seemingly petty jealousy tells Scully that he is no Eddie van Blundht either when she tells him he isn’t a loser. On first thought it does seem like a simple joke, something superificial. But it actually tells us a lot about Mulder himself and how his reaction rather stems from self-hatred than anything else. Which makes it just another perfect example of his fucked up perception of his own character.
While the almost kiss, which most likely had turned into an actual one if Mulder hadn't barged in, counts as irrefutable proof that if he ever were to pursue Scully she would reciprocate, he doesn't see it as such. Though the scene and it's conclusion seemed clear to us, his view on it is warped through the lense of his perceived worthlessness, which leads him to believe it couldn't possibly become true. He blames it on her dying, leaving her vulnerable and more likely to give in to the advances of fake!Mulder. Though Mulder wasn't present for any part of the conversation and therefore will never actually know what took place (let's be real, Scully would never talk about this ever again), he likely seems to believe that she was seduced by fake!Mulder's sweet-talking. As Scully mentions both have never talked much outside of work and through previous episodes we know that they are notoriously bad at talking things out, if at all. So even if he were to pursue her, he thinks he would never find the right words to even begin to explain what she means to him. Ultimately he would fail since he is himself, which is not enough in his eyes.
Another example of this form of cognitive distortion: Others have been reacting and complementing positively on Mulder’s appearance mutliple times in the past (i.e. in Humbug he is made out to be conventionally attractive and now being called good-looking more than once by Eddie himself), yet he is the one beginning to be insecure about his nose in Sanguinarium. Showcasing that no matter the amount of compliments or person to deliver them, he will deflect it. The focus on appearance is superficial here, but we have a lot of direct examples of it in the show and it will no doubt extend to compliments regarding his personality as well.
We find many details of Mulder's self-deprication through the episode, but this one peaked my interest. Not only because it is the first time that it is directly linked to a situation that leaves no ambiguity about it's romantic intent (which is very rare as MSR fans know), but also because I nearly dismissed it as something completely different. It probably is intended to sound casual, making it easier for Scully to brush it off as a joke. But it actually reveals so much about the hurt that Mulder carries and tries to hide. The biggest one being that he thinks he will never be good enough for his Scully.
#fox mulder#msr#meta-ish i guess#excuse me if i interpreted smth wrong i didn't finish the series yet#also do i have a lot of feelings about this episode? YOU TELL ME#txf
81 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
the-quackeroos
Life of the Sudrian Janner and Scot
itsaknargle
just me.
milediwakug
Untitled
devalyu
My Slow life
