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Honestly I don't think I'm qualified to make this post, I just don't know if I can make coherent enough words man. But the thoughts are in there and I will try to articulate them. This is probably going to be mostly images though.
anyway yeah KABRU POST.
A couple nights ago (at approximately 2:30am, lasting a little over half an hour) I had a bit of a moment about Kabru. That, too, was mostly images- most of what you see in this more concise post were presented then as well. I think my main points of the "moment" were about Kabru's trauma + self hatred, his autism and/or general otherness, and also a little labru if you'd like..
I think something easy to start with is I wanna point out Kabru's constant back and forth and conflicting opinions of demihumans and how, I believe, thats a reflection of how he goes back and forth on what he believes his purpose of living is- and the general worth of his own life. I've said it before and i've just kinda shown it in images; Kabru is "i think im a monster and it disgusts me" where Laios is "I know im a human and it disgusts me" (i could go more into the latter on another post)
the above are both from the world bible, with the left being from the section on kobolds and the right being from the section on Kuro specifically.
Utaya was very near to the desert where most of the kobold population is, this is likely why Kabru is able to speak Kuro's language- he grew up around demihumans. (chapter 48 cover, kobold chapter in the world bible) I won't try to speak for how his mother or the rest of utaya felt about the kobolds but I can say that Kabru was very much othered as a child, as was his mother, purely for the way her son's (kabru) eyes looked.
I feel like its fair enough to say that both kabru and the kobolds were othered, and possibly for similar reasons (villager's seeing them as nonhuman, as monsters) and the fact that Kabru learned their language probably didn't help his case. I think his perception of kobolds (and all demihumans, subsequently himself, as he probably still views himself as nonhuman or not human enough.. deep down) was damaged by the Utaya incident.
at 2:30am when I first started this ramble my main comment was that "had the utaya incident not happened kabru would have little reason to feel ashamed for his connection to monsters. and may have ended up similar to laios in that he couldve had otherkin swag" which is just a sort of silly way of saying Kabru could've learned to love the thought that he is possibly nonhuman or at least not hated himself so much for it.
in the original ramble I said, and quote, "he has been STALKING laios. laios is his hyperfixation to learn how he can ever be loved. he keeps going back and forth so harshly on wether or not he wants to kill Laios and he clearly sees his survival from utaya not as an unfortunate trauma [*] but as a necessary, deserved fate. a punishment for his mother's witchy sins, and for his sin of being non-human. to atone for it all, to apologize for being alive, he tries to better the lives of all humanity. He was set on his way to dethrone the governor of the island . do you understand? im going insane"
*i also said somethings about the way he processes other people's traumas and not his own. He's able to understand and even help some people, but he struggles to process his own issues and see himself as worthy of love and life.
^some examples of Kabru being understanding of or helping others who have suffered greatly.
I think its also worth mentioning that with Rin (called "Lynn" in that translation) he says "I wish there was a way to get her out of this" though he's insisted and pushed for himself to go into a dungeon;
In chapter 94, Mithrun says "The desire I had left wasn't revenge. All I wanted.. was for it to finish devouring me." and I don't feel like it's a stretch to say Kabru was in a similar situation. Mithrun sought out the demon with no plan on how to kill something like that because deep down he wanted it to end his (Mithrun's) own life, to finish the trauma it caused and kill him. I think Kabru went into the dungeon in part with the hopes that it'd kill him. That the same thing that destroyed Utaya and caused him so much trauma would just.. finish him.
I just think Kabru is a beautifully complex character, I have a lotta thoughts on him and I don't see nearly as many analysis posts for him than I do Laios (despite labru being such a popular ship)
there is no tldr for this post idk how to summarize it. do what you will with this collection of images. have fun. go crazy
fun fact the woman in the bottom left corner is his mother, she is labeled here as "witch"
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#kabru#kabru dungeon meshi#kabios#labru#yeah its a long post i dont care. read it#also i only mentioned it briefly but i do think kabru is autistic .#yk that post thats like 'no im not autistic i know all the social cues etc etc etc. hey wait a minute' yeah. that#ok whatever. starts making another laios post
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hiiiii i have returned from the depths of the underworld (self imposed hiatus) (3 week break that felt like 3 years)
#posting this then going 2 bed so i actually have incentive to start posting again i’ve been meaning to for like. two days now LOL#i’ve just been genuinely stressed LMAO but i started reading a new book n getting into new media so things mightttt be okay.#u know its been a wild time if smth convinced me to take a break from tumblr for like a month#n it was lmao. first it was the fatigue then it was the health issues which the fatigue stemmed from#then it was doing work n then it was literally nobody cares am i alive yes am i doing well sure(?)#am i gonna be active WE'LL SEE#genuinely missed my mutuals which is why i was bad at this i still checked in from time 2 time just did not post#im like 5 days off of this being an actual month long break but i was like waittt lemme post smth before#the month ends i dont wanna skip february so yeah#tldr most chronically online person ever thinks that like 3 weeks away from her blog is like 3 years. iam right#my text#🍅🍅🍅 this was a long rant boooooo get off the stage#i probs sound like a hectic mess bc i am anyway goodnight happy bhm happy valentines happy february hope it has been kind
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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)
#⚠️#personal#having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason#cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin#clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person#regardless of what the actual post is about#i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions#cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have#the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy#idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person#the fact i even struggle with this#sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me#maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared#cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping#how much is too much when do i stop#<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense#like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of#those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do#this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something#cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man#im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion#i feel like most times its both#i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like#showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online#idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd#vent#so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again#lord i need to get out of here
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just wanna say im obsessed with your mind and i read your posts about kiryu like the morning paper. thank you for your service
(Sweats) e-even the ones about him laying eggs ?
#Thanks for the ask !#HIIIIII thank you for reading my posts im really a serial rambler so that is no easy feat. i just had a lowkey nightmare that was insect#based so its nice to think about different kinds of eggs once in a while. sorry for the eggs i just learned the word gravid and i cant stop#saying it !!! i literally opened tumblr to make another post about kiryu i was gonna say he was probably antisocial in his childhood which#is really a miracle any girls managed to notice him at all. and i believe that he was very dismissive of his clothing and appearance because#you know when youre young and trans and havent realised it but you just randomly hate everything about your appearance and dont even knowwhy#i think his hair was always too long and too shaggy and he would let nishiki comb it sometimes because he really could not stand his mane#and sometimes when it gets wayy too long and shitty the sunflower caretaker would drag him outside and just cut a chunk of it off with a#knife and kiryu would have shoulder length hair for a little while... anyway i need to give him a little girlfriend like how rikiya had one#when he was in school because all trans guys need a little girlfriend or an all girl group of friends to be his girlfriends when hes a kid#so he can carry their shopping bags and wait for them outside the changing room etc and kiryu cant resist a girl so he gets a letter from#nishiki and he tells him yeah this is probably a prank to have you wait there for hours or there might be guys waiting to ambush you and#beat the crap out of you. and kiryus like Nobody beats the crap out of me except our dad. and goes to meet this girl and he actually agrees#to go out with her and this is the thing that keeps him in school because otherwise he would literally not go. like hed walk with yumi and#nishiki and the rest of the kids at sunflower that he doesnt care about to remember the names of. and he would just wave them off at the#gate and wander the town in his school uniform and then after school he’ll meet nishiki and possibly yumi at the gate (yumi probably makes#other friends but its a Must to walk nishiki home because he’ll get lonely) and when kiryu starts going out with this girl hes obligated to#walk her home so he already broke rule one but nishikis like happy for him But he has to walk home with some other random guys now and#eventually theyll broach the topic of ‘his psycho sister’ and nishiki literally has to beat a few guys up to defend kiryus honour and when#he comes back with news of how unpopular kiryu is with the rest of the guys because he looks better with short hair than they do and has a#girlfriend whos super cute. kiryu is just like damn did you commit social suicide to protect my honour? youre my best friend. but whatever#kids get over it fast. but parents dont!! and kiryu walks his girlfriend right to her front door and soon enough her parents are going to#find out that the boyfriend she keeps gushing about is a girl and straight up take her out of school to make her stop being gay and kiryus#like but ... im a boy ... punches the ground and screams to the sky. anyway enough about dysphoria simulator im here to talk about this guy#when hes a bit older because im salivating and shaking over the thought of his bootyass rip kiryu you woulda loved thongs. i think hed hate#ripped jeans but only because he thinks theyre a waste of manufacturing. its literally better for the world that kiryu decided 2 transition#because can you imagine if she was a girl and needed to wear a bra? like she would literally have an itchy back all the time which would#give her a hair trigger temper which means kamurocho a&e room will be very healthily plush indeed. god my battery is dying i need to take a#shower noww anyway really thank you for the nice message you are so sweet ... hi ...
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So i heard that the orv movie is real
#im excited for the movie dont get me wrong but like#yeah these are just my thoughts on the matter#im happy that even more people will see it but like#yeah#god i literally took the screenshot so i didnt have to type about it all over again wHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF GKJFFJF#but yeahhhhh#its been a while since ive read it so its a p good time to catch up#orv#omniscient reader#omniscient reader viewpoint#theres also like-- this really good twitter posts that puts my thoughts into better words#thats basically just-- the movie has little to no chance of upholding expectations and that the story and meaning of the og work could get#muddled and misinterpreted like many failed movie adaptations#and ive also been out of the fandom so long that what i say and my own thoughts doesnt even really matter in the larger scale of things#but like#as a person who really deeply cares about this piece of work#or at least-- cares for it but had a much deeper love and appreciation for it a long time ago#im scared for the movie-- both for selfish reasons and 'righteous' reasons#righteous being 'please dear lord dont fuck it up- dont ruin this beautiful complicated story that apparently i never even got halfway thru#ill link the twitter post in an rb lmao
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This part of the editorial from 2099 (pic sourced from this post) is so interesting to me because i don’t even think the idea of Miguel having these kinds of flaws is uninteresting or impossible, but I just personally would never have come to this conclusion just based on the text.
Like, when I personally look at how Miguel and Dana interact, I don’t see any indication that he emotionally condescends to having a relationship with her, when you’d think this strain of elitism should shine through in some part of their relationship at least initially in his arc.
I don’t look at Xina and Miguel’s interactions and interpret any sense him feeling threatened by her intelligence (even if we're just talking purely pre-spidermanning), when you’d think an element of that would be present, even in a flashback. He was a callous dickhead about the cheating explanation, but that alone without some corresponding behaviour to how he speaks to/treats Dana, even just as a flashback, just doesn’t offer the bridging piece to displaying what the authorial intent apparently was, at least for me.
Also, and by god we always come back to Dana’s writing being so damn lazy, but if Miguel - even if only at first - sought Dana out due to the emotional convenience she provided, what has prompted enough change that he is willing to bear and forgive actions like her seeking out the company of the man who drugged him when she wants to needle Miguel.
ALSO. PETER DAVID I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EAR RN. ITS VERY SILLY TO ME TO POINT OUT THE MISOGYNISTIC STREAK INTENDED IN MIGUEL’S ACTIONS HERE BUT THEN LITERALLY JUST NOT BOTHER TO MAKE THE WOMAN THIS IS ABOUT MAKE LIKE. SENSE WHEN YOU WROTE HER. OFFER NO EXPLORATION INTO WHAT HER ACTIONS SPEAK TO IN HER PERSON AND DELVE INTO WHAT CONTRADICTORY ACTS MIGHT TELL US ABOUT HER.
#'a component to miguel's cheating is misogynistic thinking' AND IS THE MISOGYNISTIC THINKING IN THE ROOM WITH US NOW#idk idk...i genuinely have no issue with grappling w this as a character flaw of his i just would never have come to this conclusion on my#own PURELY from how he treated dana and xina. absolute asshole move w how he spoke of the cheating intially to xina#but that alone just makes him an asshole. not someone who felt threatened by her intelligence and THATS the piece that i dont personally se#in the text.#not to mention. the way dana and miguel's relationship is tonally depicted just. speaks of some lvl of sincerity to me. miguel isn't an#overly physically affectionate person and the times he does display that are really interesting (holding Gabriel when the abuse was going o#holding Xina when she blamed herself for Dana's death etc etc)#and then you have the way he holds Dana when he accidentally hits her while hallucinating from the rapture. he calls her lover and honey.#they cuddle in the bath that one time together. he recognises he hasnt been spending enough time w her and went to invite her out because o#it. and yeah. some of these we can absolutely chalk up to the character development hes having at the same time due to spidermanning but#even BEFORE that its like. it feels tonally dissonant to even try read Dana's actions at face value because the narrative doesnt CARE#about them making sense as part of a coherent whole person who thinks and rationalises actions to achieve a certain outcome or satisfy a#desire. it doesnt CARE enough to give her that sadly and so youre just left like. what does this relationship mean to these two characters?#for one party in particular i genuinely have no idea. and i dont know what to infer is the reason for a change from the mentality outlined#as authorial intent. because i didnt get that impression in the first place.#tunes talks 2099#tunes talks critical#long post
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Whenever i am told thangs abt the leech i just go. What an embarrassing person gosh
#iykyk#god damn#The stupidest and most oblivious person ive ever came in relatively close contact with /gen. With several ppl who know them irl agreeing#i kind of feel bad they dont even realize this but not gonna bother myself with it its just me going damn#unfortunate#apparently they are under impression im a lurker. one of their MANY projections but possibly the funniest/most pathetic one#i literally did not see their blog/crs blog since waaay back when we were still getting along#i have 0 reason to go in their spaces#last ive heard they were obsessively going thru tags on my posts day in and out#at work out of work#that makes ONE lurker in all this haha even crink knew to stop at some point LMAO#literally all i know is from ppl telling me soz m8#osmosis#just. the fact they believe ppl care enough to lurk on them is really funny in a sad way#ive been told they are paranoid abt one of their followers or something?#theyre nobody i know but stay paranoid ig#the assumption ppl would care enough#i was chortling while having old pellets read out for me#i would have to be insane to care abt what someone like that says#by which i mean an undiagnosed unmanaged shut in#quote /the universe hates them/#definitely nothing to do with them being a mess#fitting that they have an alter ego/sona that is just their bad traits concentrated#like yeah. why are we even upset LMAO#projection town on their end allllllll the way it just screams /unwell and out of the loop/#they dont know... ajajaj...#night was not happy abt that post no surprise there#YES they are enabling infidelity yes they are inserting themself. was supposed to stay in the house a few months and now. poor night jfc#nine months to go is too long#im so glad she told them
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*starts drafting a rant on tumblr dot com* *writes a few hundred words* *is overcome by lethargy and omg doesn't sleeping sound so much more fun than this because im never going to get everything i want to express down and it's gonna feel forever incomplete* *lets it rot in my drafts forever and ever*
#girlblogging.pdf#i am a sleepy first and foremost above everything#but yeah just did the thing again#my drafts are a hellscape#so many incomplete rants in there i appreciate people who can consistently write full on rants#i adore reading rants but theyre so much work. critiquing and being a hater is so much work#because you have to be so careful about not accidentally including/excluding some harmless thing you didnt want to target#i mean dont get me wrong ive posted a few of them too#they usually get like 2 notes lol but its more for myself i like having it written down somewhere so im not overwhelmed when someone inevi#- tably asks my thoughts on a topic#and its frustrating stewing in my annoyance#but yeah anyway#i like ranting into the void its so satisfying when i feel like ive gotten my thoughts out semi fully somewhere#like processing all my thoughts takes away that power they have to frustrate me because i know im annoyed but cant fully express why#but yeah i am bad at completing them. thats the drawback of not being able to stay angry for long the sleepy always overpowers the rage#its a blessing and a curse#blessing cause im mostly pretty chill#curse because it WILL comeback to annoy me later if i dont fully process it
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I have such mixed feelings on dalador
Cuz on the one hand
it's really funny
I feel like it could happen canonically, though hopefully years down the line rather than anytime soon
they were once so close as kids/teens but something happened and it led to bitterness and pain for decades that maybe can't ever be fully healed but can be remade into something new which has the potential to be sweet
But on the other hand
I think Darius' found family relationship with Eber & Hunter (and also Raine & Eda but not as close) is a billion times more important to his character and more compelling to me as a fan than dalador could ever be to the point I don't really care for it in comparison
it'd probably be plain unhealthy to even attempt dating for years given the amount of bitterness they had festering for decades
both Darius and Alador have the far more important task of fatherhood coming up (newly for Darius but Alador has been failing at it for years cuz of his neglect from his own abuse)
it's unfair to Em, Ed, and Amity for Alador to immediately hop into a new romantic relationship after all his years of neglect. Also Em & Ed weren't even around for the falling out between Alador and Odalia so they don't have that extra layer of understanding/acceptance that Amity does
it's unfair to Hunter too, like I imagine he'd unintentionally take that as a sign he's not actually wanted around if Darius was focused on a new relationship, and Hunter deserves all of Darius' attention
while Alador did ultimately choose the right side in the end, he actively helped make the rebellion more difficult all the way up until the end which almost got everyone Darius loves killed and that's uh, probably gonna be an issue for a while on top of the decades of bitterness. Add on he was the last to see the kids & now everyone's extra pissed at him. Like if Eda doesn't kill him Darius might himself
we don't know what caused their falling out and it could be extremely justified, so the lack of knowing for sure makes me a bit iffy
I feel like they're kinda fundamentally incompatible on bigger moral issues, the ways they approach magic, and personal ideologies. This isn't unchangeable but idk, I'm thinking about how Dana talked about Darius as a char and wonder how well that would mesh with Alador for a long term romantic situation
I know it's not really popular but after OTWAT I think daraeda is a way more interesting dynamic if I'm gonna ship Darius at all (tho under specific circumstances i.e. it's Raeda & Darius is very casually involved cuz I don't really see him as the type to settle down himself & Raeda is the OTP they're getting married it's non-negotiable it is happening in canon I am manifesting it... but anyway he occasionally goes on dates with them and such but for the most part he's doing his own thing which includes being Hunter's dad & Eber's bestie/brother & just his own personal time cuz he's a man that highly values his me time & I love that for him)
I still have mixed feelings on Alador after how he was acting in King's Tide (like dude... You're the adult be more mature? Also don't threaten a clearly abused child with sending him back to his abuser???? The fuck you were abused too dude you should have more compassion in such a situation. His moments with Amity were sweet but also I'm still mad they didn't go get the twins. All in all he's not off to a great start here)
I was vehemently opposed to it prior to COTH so I'm still not fully convinced
dalador being funny is the main reason I enjoy it which isn't a great reason imo lmao
out of the ships I think will happen/are canon, easily the one I care the least about by a wide margin
See found family point again cuz my god that reason is everything to me
#not gonna tag the ship cuz i dont wanna be that asshole adding negativity to a ship tag. but yeah idk its very mixed#ive made some anti posts about it before coth & ive made some pro posts about it since but. idk after kt im way more focused#on darius' found family relationships with eber & hunter than i could ever be on his romance with alador lol#toh#discourse#kind of#long post#no one needs to read this I'm writing this for me#cuz i have so many damn thoughts on my owl show that i need to bloat my stupid blog with them or I'll die#daraeda is just that ot3 meme to me. both the 'my bf & his bf' one & the throuple rant from the gay & wondrous life of caleb gallo one#i guess i was expecting dalador to interact by now but they havent & given the time restraints i dont really care to see it if it means#losing out on family stuff instead. for both of them they have way more important family stuff (tho alador i just dont care about as much)#tc posts
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I posted 883 times in 2022
That's 805 more posts than 2021!
18 posts created (2%)
865 posts reblogged (98%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@ispyspookymansion
@tibby
@doomednarrative
@spiralstain
@geislieb
I tagged 721 of my posts in 2022
Only 18% of my posts had no tags
#amanda - 89 posts
#adam - 87 posts
#bathroom boyfriends - 54 posts
#video - 34 posts
#lawrence - 31 posts
#not saw - 28 posts
#hoffman - 22 posts
#lol - 12 posts
#saw - 10 posts
#david - 9 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#he always makes me think of that person whos boyfriend gets into fights and goes ‘woah woah but im just a little birthday boy 🥺 you wouldnt
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
hello again to all the people who follow me to see my art of the same two characters w their forheads smashed together or whatever hi :)
368 notes - Posted August 18, 2022
#4
See the full post
648 notes - Posted March 19, 2022
#3
saw this posted to r/saw and didnt know if the information that theres a Saw The Musical and also it has Confirmed Chainshipping in it made it over to tumblr yet
731 notes - Posted October 24, 2022
#2
blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!
781 notes - Posted June 30, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
happy birthday saw! 🎉
1,064 notes - Posted October 29, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#year in review#click#hiiii besties i kno ppl prolly dont care abt this much but i love seeing sats so hiii hello#*stats i mean#my last year vs this year post ratio is just. yeah#AND AMANDA AS TOP TAG EPIC#put the posts undr read more since its all pics and makes it hella long ok byyye
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After thinking thibgs over i think i need to simplify my character art and over complicate my background art
#ive like been thinking ab this bc i am truly deeply unhappy w my art style rn#its not progressing and i believe it is bc its gone as far as i wish for it to go and the next step for me would be full realism#and drawing in my style is just so like taxing on my brain it doesnt bring me joy anymore#and i need to simplify it anyway for comics sake n i shouldve a long time ago but i grew a lot more aware of myself and my art#after doing portfolio stuff and being in school#but anyway. ive always deeply envied csm's background art and spreads and it makes me so agonizingly desperate to draw like that#and i want to focus more on poses etc#so madara and my ocs are gonna be my guinea pigs for this#btw if youre reading this lmao. im probably only gonna be posting like. crit role + madara + my ocs + tony and thas ab it#bc im like trapped in school and dying and i dont rly care to draw anything else ✌🏾#btw on the full realism thing im NOT doing that im just saying thats where my art is like progressing to bc currently its semi realism#and i just. no. i do not want to do thattt and i do not want to have a fully painterly style i love lineart i hate coloring#i need to learn to stylize again ... i may go back to anime adjacent style if i can figure it out. but yeah#rohan.txt#not art
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Also idk, don’t say people have jinns inside them and give them an islamic definition of sin and say they’re sinners?? Lmao what kind of insult even is this. As another minor muslim this is just funny LOL and trying to make people feel bad using their belief is just vile (i dont even know if icy is muslim i only know where she lives)
#i dont get what happened i wasnt here#icy's english wasnt very good so because of this there can be sometimes misunderstandings#(who cares if she calls people dear lol that's just her trying to be nice)#she recieved many death threats and insults from people#so she can be a bit sensitive sometimes#and i'm saying this as someone who argued with her before over a theory yeah she can sometimes SOUND mean#but as long as you're not trying to hurt or insult her she doesnt goes and makes posts or stuff#ALSO#if you're gonna complain like OwO she tried to argue with me but i'm a minorrrrr#then dont interact with people on the internet.#dont do go crying around saying youre a minor#I'm not blaming anyone for what happened becuase i dont know how the fight started#but the minor talk is just cringe idk lol#wait im just reading some screenshots rn and is the misgendering talk just about saying DUDE wtffff#its so obvious she used it as a gender neutral word
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I deleted my post about the DSMP because a friend messaged me and let me know that Wilbur actually only worked on some parts of it, while the rest was mostly written by Tommy.
I would have left the post up, but I sat with it and decided that it's distracting from all the other posts I've made. I want to focus on what's happening now.
While I still agree with what I said, and I think we need to reevaluate content that Wilbur was involved with. Poking the DSMP bear was not the move. Not now, at least. I want to focus on other things for today.
#thoughts of dante#also i have a test tomorrow and i need to study for it#so i might actually hop off#refer to my other posts#i just answered something about dream that ill probably delete here in a few minutes#i absolutely agree with everything that i said in that reply#and there will be little to change my mind#but im not interested in starting dream discourse right now#id rather talk about whats happening now#maybe one day ill make a dream post#i just dont care about him enough to be motivated to#and also hes a controversial figure#you put his name in your mouth and its just trouble for you#so yeah if you want to read my opinions on him#you can read it#if i have a mutual that wants to talk about it more they can dm me#so long as its a fair and equal conversation#anyway#moving on#edit: it is gone#gone in the wind#if youre following me there was nothing in there that would surprise you so#nothing lost
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yrkeby4ur8
#hi its personal post as tho tumblr is my diary in the tags while still being vague time bc my coping strats are failing me a little and#ig being able to essentially shout into the void is kinda nice like i cld physically write things down but i did a lot of that#already today w sssitnments and my fjfknging joints hurt so here we are!#ig theres also comfort in knowing someone somewhere probably read it. regardless of what they think/feel/the impression it gives them bc.#like. i exist! i guess? idk.#anyway that being said tw for talk of sh and upsettio spaghettio n stuff.#but yeah im like 🤏 close to relapsing with cutting or some sort of. idek.#and the only reasons im resisting are like. its been so long and itd be a shame to break that streak#which funnily enohgh mskes another part of me wana do it MoRE to like. idk. remember. and. punish ?? idk.#but we're ignoring him rn hes being a little too edgy.#and then bc it would feel like im being manipulative and ik if ppl find out they would probably be very . distressed.#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just#would not help the situation ykwim itd probably make things worse#also kinda too tired physically emotionally etc rn to do it and go thru it and the aftermath and having to clean up and take care and#trust myself to be. safe. enough. abt it.#but. now hear me out. IF i do it somewhere that isnt super obv or visible. i doubt theyll know anytime soon.#and if things go. in a way thats.. i dont think i can cope with then well ill prob end up right back in this feeling without the like#withstraint of someone who cares and wants to care abt themselves and others and want to control themself and behaviours and health#but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.#i just. am struggling to cope. i feel things. so much. and. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#i think if i have made it this far for this long i will be able to keep going without resorting to that?#but i really do hate that its like. wld be. yeah like turbo bad.#a very small and fucked up part of me feels like if things do go bad then what does it even matter and even better if whoever were to know#that i HAD relapsed bc ig at that point its like. idc who is upset or disappointed or uncomf or scared of/for me and thinks im terrible bc#at that point like. things are all. tumbling (lol) snd messed up so if i am messed up then whatever! ig. ????#but umm. yeah. idk i guess im just frustrated with my own . caring abt being responsible and stuff#there was a time when i was not as likely to be able to resist consequences be damned#im like over here going thru the stages of grief on god fr fr no cap on the stack or whatever ppl say#in other brighter news i managed to get a bit of work done on one of my assignments and some needed friend time but wasnt actually able to
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i be sitting here like.
what if mo ran has adhd? do youthink? because i think. like. okay. dude has a serious case of the object permanence forgets things he isnt
ahhh
no words only headcannon
but like im still very early in the novel so i moght change it later but the whole cave thing just gives vibes.. and he literally just. forgor.
Anyway yeah he was like im booored boredoom bored and im like yes that me trapped ina cave, lets play something lets do things
#adhd mo ran#i read 2ha#i just think. that maybe. possibly. u knoe#i was looking for if someone else had coherent heascannon of this but i found none#so like. maybe its too soon to tell. maybe its just a mix of effects and circumstances and something else#anyway i got the vibes i made this post#because i found the scene relatable like yes im so sorry i was late for our appointment by like 5 hours#i got distracted relocating this little crow. yeah sorry. yeah i know it shouldnt have taken this long#no this doesnt mean i dont care about u i was thinking about coming for most of the situation but at the end i forgor. yes sorry
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scars
TW: self harm
!! requested by @sturns-posts !!
౨ৎ ⋆｡˚
“y/n?” you heard your boyfriend, matt, call from upstairs. you sighed and made your way up stairs to find matt on his laptop. you walked around the corner and smiled walking up to him.
“yes matty?” you asked cheerfully.
“are you okay?” he asked sounding concerned.
“yeah, why?” you asked confused at by the sudden worry.
“well, im just worried about you.” he sighed. you noticed that he kept looking back down to his computer screen to making glances at your arms.
“you would tell me if you weren't, right?” he asked.
you gulped wondering what he knew.
“yes, baby, please dont worry about it.” you nodded quickly before turning back to go downstairs.
he grabbed your waist and pulled you back into his arms playing with your hair.
“are you sure you’re okay?” he asked again repeating himself. you nodded into his chest before he pulled you back leading you into his room. he didn’t say a word, just sat you on his bed and opened up the screen. on the left hand side of the screen was a recent picture of you in mcdonalds that a camera man had taken, on the right hand side was the same photo just zoomed into your wrist. your scars visible for the world to see. you read the headline over and over in your head sighing.
'HAS TWITTER TROLLS PUSHED MATTHEW STURNIOLO’S GIRLFRIEND OVER THE EDGE?'
“what is this? you told me you stopped a while ago and if you felt like that you were going to tell me. did i do something wrong?” he asked pointing to your wrist on the screen with teary eyes. you couldn't speak, your whole throat had closed up.
he noticed and pulled you onto his lap staring into your stinging eyes.
“i love you so much and i want nothing but for you to be the happiest girl ever. i let anyone hurt you. whether they're old or new, i don't care because i'm here for you now and i always will be." he smiled before kissing your forehead softly. a tear escaped your eye making you smile.
“we don't have to talk about this now, whenever you're ready.” he smiled resting your head onto his chest as he wiped the tears off.
| 2 hours later |
“hey, i know you wanted to go to the cabin back in massachusetts, so were going with nick and chris tomorrow morning!” he said with a smile while tucking your hair behind your ear.
“baby, you didn’t have to”
“shh, i wanted to.” he said as he hugged you around the waist.
you waited at least 10 seconds before letting go. matt’s hugs were the most comforting thing ever. “can you help me pack, please.”
matt shook his head up and down with a big smirk while grabbing your hand and walking downstairs to the bedroom.
“oh, how long are we staying.”
“since were with nick and chris we are staying for a week and a half, but soon we can go alone.”
he was digging through the closet trying to find a bag big enough before you made him stop.
“i love you so much.”
“i love you more, my love” you could tell he meant it. “we are going down to nick and chris’s house tomorrow morning at 4 am. i know its early but i want to get there earlier, if its okay with you.” he said right after he found a perfect suitcase to fit all your stuff.
| two days later |
“hey babe i was scrolling through things to do here and there is a tattoo parlor like five minutes away from us can we PLEASE get tattoos together!” nick said excitedly.
“shut up you have been rambling about tattoos the whole time we-“ chris said as you cut him off.
“nick i would LOVE to get a tattoo with you and i know exactly what i want. follow me!” you said as you go to find matt in the store.
“im getting a tattoo with nick and i just want you to draw stars around my scars.” you say while going through your purse to find a pen.
matt looks at you in awe as he takes the marker and draws the cutest stars ever. you start to tear up. you look up at him as he concentrates on drawing them all.
౨ৎ ⋆｡˚
not my best work but i tried 🥲🥲
i hope you enjoyed and if you have anything you need to talk about message me! i love you guys sm🩷.
#chris sturniolo#fanfic#matt sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#ao3#christopher sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#matthew sturniolo#chris sturniolo x you#sturniolo smut#chris sturniolo x reader#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo x reader#liam neeson#self love#sh awareness#SoundCloud
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