#hallucination mention
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hi guys remember when gravity on the hermitcraft server was so fucked up that builds were straight up dissolving and the moon took up half the sky. an entire side of the map was not sleeping and were probably hallucinating several things including phantoms that laughed and strange mutations. their neighbors got possessed by a moon rock that made them dress like monks and murder people. a guy was building his own space program to straight up blow up the moon. remember when that happened in the span of like a week
#god season eight. GOD season eight. FUCK dude#hallucination mention#sleep deprivation#hallucination#moon big#this isnt even mentioning the shit that happened around all that#the soul stealing the iou war the fucking WITHER IN BOATEM#i dont even know. it was just insane . caught in the s8 feels today#honorable mention to pearl planning a doomsday sleepover i think about that every day#impulse’s phantom sanctuary was insane too. why. what is wrong with them#hermitcraft
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well, friends. i’m sure a good lot of you have seen this post. i was denied today. i have to contact a lawyer and i don't even know how to begin advocating for myself outside of simply contacting the firm an ex-friend of mine used to obtain disability.
if you would rather not read the whole vent, i completely understand. but if you would still like to provide answers or support to me, here are my main issues.
i need advice from others who have been denied disability and have gone through a lawyer to obtain it. i need advice on what to do about getting started with victim advocacy. that's about it, i reckon. i love you all. my dm's are open. you will be blocked if you clown.
and yes, i realize my stim blog is not the place to talk about this. i understand, but this is my largest audience and i feel i would be a fool to not post this somewhere it may be actually received.
tw for mental health talk / long vent under the cut, particularly of the despairing kind, and also mentions of CSA / CSAM, psychosis, and my general disabilities. if this post needs more trigger tags, please let me know and i'll add them.
my whole life i have been treated as if i am not struggling because i can do the bare minimum to keep myself alive. i can survive, but never thrive, and even surviving now has become difficult. i can't feed myself regularly, my guardians do that for me. i can't stand for longer than a few minutes at a time without extreme duress and pain, which makes cleaning, showering, and going out super difficult and beyond draining. i can understand abstract concepts and certain ideas and am emotionally intelligent, but i struggle heavily with understanding money or how government works, particularly when it comes to laws and loopholes. i don't know when i'm "being had", as it were, and others have pointed this out to me throughout my adulthood. it feels as though this entire disability journey has been me "being had". they gave me something to cling on to, the possibility i may be able to receive real help, and it seems as though they basically knew the whole time they were going to deny me again. for the fourth time. i know that is unrealistic but, it does feel that way.
i wrote several full length books when i was a child / young teenager, and had two published. i won't share the titles because i have outgrown what i wrote and find them childish and frankly embarrassing, but everyone upon learning that i have written and had novels published, immediately jumps to the conclusion that i am some kind of self-sufficient, incredibly intelligent and capable person. i have never once been able to effectively take care of myself. without my guardians, i wouldn't be able to manage money, insurance, bills, cars, groceries, among other things. i don't even halfway understand how insurance on anything even works despite having been shown how it works.
i can see something, be "taught" to the best of someone's ability, and i will still not be able to learn. this has been a constant issue throughout my life, and the american public school system has continually helped these issues perpetuate. all schooling has done is teach me how to parrot back concepts and ideas, remember them for a limited amount of time before losing them to the void, and not how to fundamentally understand and learn them or utilize them in daily life. even higher education was like this, and i was not able to thrive throughout my experience with college despite making mostly okay grades (i cheated and lied a lot, okay. i'm not proud of it but i felt i had to get through or i would be severely punished). i had to a sign an agreement that i personally still do not fully understand to "obtain" my associate's degree, and i do not know why despite the fact it was explained to me, in detail. the information has not registered, and i now no longer have anyone that was involved in said agreement to explain it to me. everyone i say this to is like, "what? that doesn't make any sense." and i'm like. yeah. it doesn't, and i have zero ability to explain it to them in a way that makes sense.
i mention my associate's degree because i am sure in some form or fashion it was used against me in the disability process, since i was "able to complete higher education". also it should be noted i did an early college program. also probably has been used against me. also cheated through most of it.
people have always considered my kind of autism to be hyper competent, since it appeared that way when i was a child, despite showing several signs that i was struggling with a math-centric learning disability, called dyscalculia. i have since deteriorated to the point of barely having the knowledge a young adult should have, about how life works financially and honestly in general.
i have extreme fear about what may happen to me without proper assistance. my guardians will be able to take care of me for some time, but after that? that feels like a black hole to me. it doesn't exist nor will it while i am under-assisted, and this black hole fills me with utter despair. i try not to let it permeate my daily life, so as to not dwell in a future that doesn't exist yet and has the possibility for change. but god. it fills me with literal existential dread, and it is becoming so much more difficult to ignore the older i get.
a lot of factors have been used against me my entire life to deny me assistance, and these reasons being yet another factor has really dredged up a lot of shit from my past.
this is besides the point, but i also learned recently that CSAM was made and distributed of me when i was a child and wow. that has hit me in ways i cannot even describe. part of me is like, why was i not allowed to know after the fact, even when i became an adult? i was directly involved. why did no one tell me my abuser was convicted for counts of spreading CSAM, and that they lied directly to the court system about their inappropriate actions with me? i was disenfranchised in more ways than one by more than one person on allowance of my abuser, and i am just now hearing about it. i don't know how to deal and i don't know how to get started with victim advocacy in my area.
but at the same time, whilst being treated as severely more competent than i am, i have also been infantilized relentlessly, by nearly everyone around me. how does this make any sense. i feel incredibly stupid and uninformed and at the same time privy to things about my disabilities others are not, while not being able to effectively communicate it. i feel i am screaming and begging for help, nearly at my wits end with a lot of things, and all of it is reading as "owie booboo" to anyone who could do anything to help. i feel i am falling through the cracks, and i fear having to crawl back up through them. i fear i won't make the trek. i fear i will lose motivation and let myself rot. it feels like no one in a position of power has taken a true effort to really help me and i cannot help or advocate for myself. i am very scared.
on top of all of that stuff, i am withdrawing pretty heavily from cymbalta, experiencing heightened panic attacks every day, PNES (psychogenic non-epileptic seizures), more episodes of psychosis and hallucinating than i'm used to, all of my mental and physical issues are out of control, and now this disability stuff. i also won't be able to see a psychiatrist for...maybe a week or so more, so no bridge meds till then.
these last couple weeks have just really kicked me down. thank you for reading if you got this far. i appreciate you more than you know and i have no idea where i would be without y'all and this blog. i love you all so very much.
-ish
#ish talks#disability#vent#mental health#CSA mention#CSAM mention#physical disability mention#mental disability mention#psychosis mention#hallucination mention#dyscalculia#neurodivergent#autism#victim advocacy#PNES#ableism
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Can my brain please stop showing me the holes that are burning into the fabric of reality for one second I'm trying to concentrate
#visual hallucinations#hallucination mention#tw hallucinations#actually schizoaffective#schizophrenia#schizoaffective#actually psychotic#psychosis
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Me staying up past 12am:
The horrors:
hey
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a whumpee hallucinating their caretaker coming to rescue them. huddled in their cell, coming down from the adrenaline of fresh torture, fear and blood loss taking over until they dont know what's real. after days of trusting the hallucination and being punished by the whumper, when the real caretaker appears, the whumpee refuses to go with, believing it's just a figment of their own imagination.
#whump#whumpblr#whump prompt#kidnapping tw#hallucination whump#hallucination mention#torture#false hope
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shadow has a phone but he doesn’t use it ever until one day rouge gets a message from him and it just says this
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whumptober 2023 - Bruce & Dick
No. 3: “Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon.”
Journal | Solitary Confinement | “Make it stop.”
<<first | <last | master | next>
Fuck this box.
Fuck this box fuck this box fuck this fucking box.
Enough. Don’t get frustrated. Where was he?
The rugged Pyrrhus, he whose sable arms,
Black as his purpose, did the night resemble
When he lay couched in the ominous horse
Hath now this dread and black complexion smear’d
With heraldry more dismal…
Dick’s head is splitting. His throat is scratched dry from dehydration, and his every muscle feels cramped. The box isn’t even long enough for him to stretch his legs fully. No light. No sound besides his own breathing. No idea how long it’s been. Not more than four days, or he'd be dead.
But it’s been long enough for him to start hallucinating.
Which makes reciting Hamlet a decidedly less sane way to pass the time. Hamlet is now Jason, who has started to add his literary commentary on the play. Polonius is Tim for some reason, and Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Ophelia are played by the Joker. Who keeps veering off script. And then there are ghosts, bats and owls. Corpses in costumes.
Dick isn’t afraid of hallucinations. His fear response is just—not really there. Replaced by thrills. The wind around his body. But losing control of his mind is painful, thoughts ricocheting in his aching skull.
Enough Hamlet. He starts reciting the New Encyclopedia Britannica. That was the version in the Manor library. A-ak. Ancient East Asian music. A capella. Italian: “in the church style”…
He hates being confined. Absolutely hates it. But he can’t give in.
To the south of A-ch’eng are the remains of an ancient walled city known as Pai-ch’eng…
—
Getting out of the box is almost worse than being in it. Because Dick’s body is sore and barely responsive, and the lights and sounds are excruciating. He drags himself up over the opening of his coffin—not coffin—but it’s so much. Too much. Just get out, Chum. Hands shaking. Dick keeps his eyes firmly shut and forces himself up out of the box and onto the floor of his cell, where he lies and covers his eyes.
“Activity, in radioactive-decay process, the number of disintegrations per second, or the number of unstable atomic nuclei that decay per second in a given sample," he mumbles. Bruce must still be in his own confinement; Dick can't hear him, feel his presence.
The stranger pushes him onto his back with a booted foot. Steps on his chest. Dick can’t open his eyes yet. “The Starcore, Nightwing.”
“Activity is determined by counting, with the aid of radiation detectors and electronic circuits…”
“Sounds like you want more time in the box.”
Dick smirks. “I have a lot of encyclopedia left. We haven’t even reached the ADs. Pretty sure I can outlast you, here.”
The stranger tilts their helmeted head, considering. “Then let’s try something else.”
#whumptober2023#no.3#solitary confinement#batman#nightwing#bruce wayne#dick grayson#hallucination mention
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BONESY!
Meet Bonesy, Dust's service dog! Bonesy can help Dust differentiate hallucinations from real people!
Based on the post under the cut!
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Jaja auditieve hallucinaties grappig enzo tot je ineens je fucking collega op straat denk te horen praten over iets. Meest verwarde staat die ik in even ben geweest…
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ND culture is wordlessly pointing at bugs you see indoors to double check that that other people see them too
.
#neurodivergent culture#actually neurodivergent#mod emri#hallucination mention#(I think??? If not I apologize for mistagging)#tw bugs#bugs ment
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y-you uh. you good dude?
I think I hallucinated the sun staring at me
And then fell out of a tree
I’m okay
#hallucination mention#eclipsing arc#kittsu#pokemon#pokemon rp#pokémon#rotomblr#rotumblr#pokéblog#pokémon irl
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I know as a system I hear a lot of internal voices but for some reason I’m hearing voices that ARENT alters not do they speak like one.
Can those internal voices count as hallucinations? Cus I’ve for sure had visual/scent ones somewhat consistently but those are new and I’m not sure what to make of it
#sabrina posts | 🌊#endos dni#anti endo#did#system#did system#cdid#c-did#complex did#complex dissociative disorder#tw hallucinations#hallucinations#hallucination mention#psychotic
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Not gonna lie, I don't know if I have the knowledge to say "this is ableist" or whatever but the more I think on it the less I like the "is X in the room with us right now" meme because like. I dunno doesn't it just kind of seem like the butt of the joke is people who experience delusions or hallucinations?
I don't want to come across as preachy, because the obvious meaning is "X is not real", but in conveying that it puts the joke's recipient in the role of someone experiencing a delusion or hallucination. "X isn't real and you're crazy", yeah? And while it's not overly saying, like, "it's bad to experience delusions or hallucinations", it ultimately does draw on that comparison, and puts someone being mocked or shamed in that role.
It's bad to use gay as an insult because you're saying "you're gay, which is a bad thing", and this isn't doing that; but it's saying "you're imagining things, like a delusional person." Is it that big of a difference? I don't know, and I can't say, but it doesn't sit well with me.
#i dunno! i hope someone better versed in this stuff might weigh in#because when i type it out. yeah. it certainly reads maliciously. but the joke itself isnt deliberately targeting anyone#but people who use that format arent thinking abt that intentionally. its more ... incidental? than the gay insult thing. ig.#disk horse#ableism#hallucination mention#delusion mention#hallucinations#delusions#tagging for blacklist#i welcome discussion on the matter but do NOT start shit
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What's up gamers I am not vibing at this get together I'm about to choke on spiders
#schizophrenia#actually schizoaffective#schizoaffective disorder#hallucinating#tw hallucinations#hallucination mention#spider mention#schizo posting#i made a meme#humor is how i cope let me live#formication#tw formication
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DAMN has it been a while since I did more than teeny tiny bits of art! I think I started sketching this in.... may of last year?
This is a lineup of villains from my tabletop campaign I'm running that's based on my comic idea, Excitement And Adventure And Really Wild Things. The arc takes place at a cheesy Wild West resort in the midst of an international summit about the setting's fantasy equivalent of America joining the setting's fantasy equivalent of WW2. These fine folks sign into the park and get the security code Sepia 9 (I hope the pun is obvious enough???)
More on the group and the individual characters below:
Sepia 9 was gathered by Cal Humble (3rd from the left) to track down party members suspected of killing diplomats (to save the world, but that mess was still a nightmare)
From left to right:
Ana Ng: A Nuran, a tentacle-haired fantasy race within the setting. Ana's a mercenary, a teleporting assassin hired to take out the party's tank before he could move to defend the others. She's also the only member of this crew who's supposed to show up in comics canon, in very different circumstances. Her gun creates portals on the surface they point at in a straight line through other surfaces, moving wherever she points. She ended up kidnapping all the world leaders and running off in an attempt to exchange them for an end to their colonial hold on other countries. The party was unfortunately forced to oppose her despite the moral quandary, but the diplomat of the group did trade the favor of saving them for preventing a major famine Ana was particularly worried about.
Dr. Stanley "The Manley" Starr: Dr. Stanley is a snake oil salesman from the same isolated dome as the party, and has unlocked some secret of human psychic potential by using mind-altering drugs, particularly psilocybin. He was brought in to drug and destabilize a party member who's convinced his dead squad of pilots were still with him, but that party member left, so he tried to drug other allies, and only sort of succeeded after one new party member stole most of his mushrooms. (He's a reskin of a character from comics canon very loosely based on someone I know, one of those things that's getting cut because it was in poor taste.)
Calcifer Torments The Wicked Until They Are Humble, AKA Cal Humble: Cal is an old school demon who left Hell for better things a long time ago, an incorporeal being in a mechanical body. He's loosely, and I mean VERY loosely based on Columbo, but he's like, the evil badass version, which doesn't really resemble Columbo all that much. Too much Jack Noir in his DNA. Cal headed the investigation into the diplomats' deaths, and assembled this group to find and arrest the party, while racing to this summit to defuse a complicated revelation about the nature of the enemy in this war. He tried to investigate and entrap the party's diplomat, but that character caught wind of the secret and pulled a diplomatic play to only have himself imprisoned as long as the party could work off their sentence.
Hazel Lope: A powerful forest witch, consultant on many state cases concerning magic. She's a Lepusan, a Hare Person race in the setting, of the Jackalope variety. Coming from a background of seeing magical forests bulldozed by state and corporations, losing her family in the process, she decided if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. She has no moral principles now, she just does her job and does it well, and has no qualms about tearing down anyone who stands in her way. A party member with a neurological issue that causes chronic anhedonia has been seeking Hazel out to help treat her condition, and Hazel knew this ahead of time, setting up a trap to have the ghost of a man this party member magically mutilated possess her to keep this PC from evading arrest.
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Infodump about my source: im based off the main character of the song Drunk by the living tombstone. I didn’t have a canon name, but fandom ppl usually call my source Drunk Guy. Which, I’m trying to move past so I go by Skullguy instead /lighthearted
The song is about alcoholism. The music video is animated and really surreal—some ppl interpret it as a hallucination, and I can’t argue with that-
The rest of the album is about someone basically getting possessed by a “tombsona” named Zero_One-
Some ppl think my source was the possessed person, but the creators of the album have debunked that ^^’ we still like that interpretation though, and I think it could’ve been me/him in another timeline-
#Skullguy#tlt drunk#fictive#endo safe#alcoholism mention#hallucination mention#possession mention#ask to tag#random infodump#songtive
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