#good grief im fucking 12 again
Text
Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫
thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me.
2. What’s your total AO3 word count?
544,914. (again. woagh)
3. What fandoms do you write for?
mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)
man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!
anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written.
8. Do you get hate on fics?
not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
i don’t think so
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading!
i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha
14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?
right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA
16. What are your writing strengths?
characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written?
hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.
ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.
that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
Oh my god…I just read chapter 12 and I CANNOT I REALLY NEED TO WRITE THIS ONE OUT 😭😭 CHIP IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS STORY BUT THE WAY THIS LITERALLY RIPPED ME APARTTTT THE PAIN IS TOO GOOD 🥲
Your story writing and symbolism never ceases to amaze me. The bits and pieces of significant object or events that references the earlier parts of the story and makes the pieces fall into place are so DELICIOUS like idek any other word for it because it’s just so *chefs kiss*
I’m just gonna point out a few I’ve noticed because it’s honestly wrecking me internally so much and I need you to know that 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻💖
1) THE FIRE
The way demon Jungkook just spawns these little flames out of nowhere and MC is like ??? But it turns out it’s just smth he’s been doing THEIR WHOLE FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER AS A WAY TO CALM HER ANXIETY LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THAT ONE RUN ME OVER WITH A CROP DUSTER
2) THE VASE
that little vase that Taehyung gifted her after her miscarriage that she smashed 😭😭 why just whyyyyyyy stop making these little objects the cause of my mental breakdown (jk ily and your stories 🥺)
3) THE TREE SCENE
I’m not exactly too sure on this one tbh but that scene when she was in hell and weeping over the forest as she hugged the tree, was that supposed to represent the imaginary friend she had been talking to all along? Or did it remind her of them? But still the chills 😩 also I wasn’t sure if that little girl she saw in the tunnel was supposed to be some evil version of her daughter 👁️👁️ but also was her daughter actually her daughter or an Angel that took on the form of her daughter
4) DEMONS AND THEIR DEMON BUSINESS
THAT CHAPTER WAS JUST A HUGE RECALL TO AN EARLIER SCENE IN THE STORY, when demon JK made a deal with a woman but her partner ended up dying. It’s almost like they intentionally give them hope only to crush it and take it away from them, even more so because it’ll be too late and they can’t do anything having given their soul. The event of MC being cured only for her to become sick not long after and dying are literally paralleled with that woman, only with JK being the demon. But also FUCK Jisoo and that stank ass kid I could never be as kind and gentle as MC like YOURE ON YOUR MFKN OWN 👋
5) LUCIFER
The way I KNEW that he was gonna be the one to make the deal with Jungkook like THE SECOND THAT SLUT WALKED IN AND YOU DESCRIBED HIS TATTOO ANSJDJKFJF
5) THE KISS
oh god I saved the best for last… this one broke me because I KNEW IT I KNEWWWW THE SECOND MC WENT LIKE “is that all I get? ☺️” MY SOUL WAS GONNA BE BLENDED, JUICED AND THROWN DOWN THE SINK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 AND THATS NOT EVEN THE WORST PART, BECAUSE THAT DIRECTLY TIES INTO WHY ANGEL MC STOPPED DEMON JK FROM KISSING HER HOLY SHIT YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND 😭😭😭 THE WAY I STARED INTO SPACE FOR A WHOLE MINUTE WITH WATERY EYES 🥲🥲 her going “not yet” and him being confused asF. SHE WANTED TO BE ABLE TO FINALLY KISS HIM AS JUNGKOOK, HER LOVER, WHEN SHE SUCCEEDED IN REACHING THE FLAME
That took so much out of me omg 🧌 I really hope I’m not bothering you with my essays 😭 I typically do this when I read writings that have a lot of puzzles and important details like just add my little thoughts and things I love- there’s a term for it but it’s slipping my mind 😭 ty so much for gifting this amazing work of art for us to read 💖
HAHAHA I love how enthusiastic you always are 😭 it's amazing 💝
There's a lot to unpack here!! Let's do it^^
1. THE FIRE:
I'm so glad you picked up on that!!! LOL run me over too while you're at it 😭 🔥
2. THE VASE:
Yessss Tae's wedding gift 🥺 again I am so so glad that you recalled her smashing it 💔 that hurted me to write ngl 😔
3. THE TREE SCENE:
This is actually a really cool theory! The tree actually represents someone who committed violence against oneself. It's part of Dante's Inferno with my own little twist. Our lil angel just felt grief for the soul 💔
THE TUNNEL and BABY ANGEL: Again, another cool theory! The demon in the tunnel is just a demon tho! It was briefly mentioned on kookies 17th birthday that she was spooked in the woods. I didn't find it necessary to go all into that since it was just a ghost story that was explained in the tunnel :) Basically it was one of Apple's childhood fears that manifested in the tunnel 🥲
As for the two scenes with the angel that looks like Aera, it is her! Sweet baby girl is an angel now 💞😇
4. DEMONS AND THEIR DEMON BUSINESS:
Babe you hit the nail right on the head!!!! Ahhhhh I'm so so glad you mentioned it! I was hoping that came across, we'll get more into it in future chapters as well 😫 as for Jisoo, fuck that bitch. Her poor lil boy tho, hims didn't do nothin wrong 😭 but fair enough!!!
5. LUCIFER:
Yeah fuck that bitch ass ugly ass hoe 🖕🏻🤢
6. THE KISS:
STOP IT IT'S TOO SOON EVEN FA ME 😭😭
Thank you so so much for sending this! I truly truly LOVE seeing what you have to say and your theories and takes on different scenes, I always look forward to it!!
I hope you have the loveliest day 💖💖
ILY 🔥
-chip
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
LOLL i was gonna start like ‘hey there im denethor anon’ but u beat me to it. SIMILAR MINDS. Haha i read one of ur fics, was immediately smitten & was like i MUST follow them. (I’m glad i did, love the vibe of ur blog and the Flavour of ur opinions.. TASTY) so im a more recent follower but i’m gathering younger you weren’t a fan of denethor, huh? Can’t say i blame you. PJ certainly made some Decisions. he was like how do i convert a complex character into The most loathsome creature ever. He really did our fav gondorians sooo dirty. I literally watch through those scenes SEETHING in rage.
So I’ve been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for two days. like i am a denethor girlie. in my mind. spiritually. haven’t posted much abt him on tumblr. but nowww. you’re exactly right, ‘denethor Is a good leader…[insert ur paragraph here]’ yes yes yes you get it. listen denethor was a prideful, angry, resentful man but he was also valiant, resilient and noble. He guarded his city, alone (which takes GUTS, again, he was a badass!!), so well, for literal YEARS that Sauron was fearful/wary of him. i wish people were more understanding of him. he’s such an interesting character there’s so much to explore there. as you said the duty-vs-love, the weapon-first-person-next of it all. the layers. denethor as a weapon. denethor as a symbol of both sword/shield. AAHHH
BUT i think some people dismiss him hate him bc he is the mirror (the ugly side? if that makes sense) of humanity, of us. we ought to show him some compassion tho ‘cause havent u ever been taken under the darkness of life? felt the world slipping away & struggle to keep up w it? dont u ever feel hopeless? that things will never change, no matter what u do? DO YOU HAVE FEARS HAVE YOU FACED THE MONSTERS? WERE YOU ALONE, SCARED AND HOPELESS? AND HAVENT YOU MADE MISTAKES IN YOUR GRIEF AND PUSHED PEOPLE AWAY?? THAT’S what denethor experienced. He was described as a leader & a learned one at that for christ sake. He knew that evil was awaiting him and his kin and his people! he saw his future. yet. yet he soldiered on until. war declared. his sons killed (or so he believed). that’s when hope abandoned him. what was the point of staying alive now anyway? Evil was upon them, they would surely be tortured w a fate worse than death, so why should he not end the pain and kill himself? he fought the war against Time, Evil and The Dark Enemy himself and WON. he was a brave man indeed, to have fought these dark forces so much stronger than him. but he finally lost the war against Despair (and Grief), the cruelest of them all. imma cry 😭😭😭 no no no u don’t understand he didnt give up hope, hope abandoned him he- [GUNSHOT] (i don’t know how much of this even made sense lmao) anyway,
Faramir <333. do i even have to say anything about faramir? he’s the specialest little guy i love himm 🥰. On god i am one step away from rereading lotr just for him (plsss dont tempt me finals are in less than a fortnight) his and denethor’s relationship like u described my godddd XDD. fucked up familial relationships MY BELOVED. i am feral about this trope. the resentment… the jealousy… the mirror image of each other… the you’re-the-same-like-me-and-i-hate-that… mmmhm. hey do u ever think about 12 year old faramir admiring his father much the same way he did boromir and wishing he would grow up to be just like him? and do you ever think about 28 year old faramir knowing that he’s more like his father than anyone else and hating that? hating him? i do.
I’ll stop now lol im afraid my coherency has diminished by now. also sorry sorry for replying so late i am preparing for my exams. but rest assured i WILL be Rotating faramir around in my brain :3
hiiii denethor anon LOL this is the greatest ask ive ever received. every day i endeavour to provide only THE juiciest of opinions. aka this is my diary and you all are subjected to it. anyway im so glad you liked my fic i would love to know which one you read! i got into lotr via the films when i was super young so my past opinions were def coloured by The Choices. i have learned and grown since then<3 i was watching the book-to-film analysis vids on the extended edition dvds a couple weeks back and it made me so mad that i had to get up and turn off the tv. did you know there are other character options besides 'paragon of virtue' and 'one dimensional villain'...truly kind of a "nice dichotomy idiot! now what lies outside of it" situation. A Waste Of Your John Noble, To Be Honest. idk i still hold the films very close to my heart but the choices...i will simply respectfully disagree. and dont even get me started on faramir we WILL be here all night. another time. i have denethor thorongil situationship-fic to write. (i am serious about that) (i was simultaneously playing it 100% straight serious AND kind of joking about them. i shouldve known better. well.........we are so in it.)
you are so real for this. i have ALSO been Thinking about denethor and faramir and nothing else for days. weeks, even. sorry to everyone coming to the faramir goes to rivendell au for faramir and the fellowship the first 10k is literally just Keeping Up With The Stewards. we'll get there. i Will blame you for the impetus for my recent denethorposting on main but also encourage you to also do this. do whatever you want forever<3 nooo but straight up...guy who has so much strength and will that The Lord Of All Evil wouldnt contend directly against him and had to bring out the big palantir guns to bring him down. and if he'd not lost both of his sons i mean...who knows what would've happened. sometimes your sons ARE the only thing keeping you from killing yourself Do It For Them-style and lets be real that is a valid coping method. (i don't have an answer for that one and boy oh boy do i wish i did. it is going to become a massive thorn in my side in, oh, 70k or so when i hit rotk. well...i will blow up that bridge when i get to it.)
im actually putting a read more in this time bc this post broke a thousand words. continue at your own risk. there IS also faramirposting at the end here i promise.
just imagining denethor leading the siege of minas tirith. um. now stay with me here...riding out with imrahil's sortie. STAY WITH ME HERE. what do you think the livery of a steward going to war looks like. jesus christ i need to go lay down. yes i purposefully placed the read more before i decided to go momentarily horny on main. its also lowkey very vague au spoilers. sorry everyone but denethor IS canonically hot and we need to acknowledge it. Anyway.
denethor as a weapon denethor as both a sword and a shield...i am chewing glass for real. you GET IT. god i love person-as-weapon metaphor soooo much. When The Iconography Is Getting A Little Too Real. denethor as gondor, as her vanguard and standard-bearer and. i am straight up frothing at the mouth. all he ever wanted was to be a gentle lord in a time of peace.....and death was his reward...Sorry For Stealing The Fingon Death Quotation But I'm Right. so much of his behaviour and the strain on his relationships with his sons and all that is sooo...informed by the fact that to cope with having to be lord of a country at war he had to be so so unbending. he couldn't allow himself to waver, ever, not even for love, not even to save his sons.
did you know he was 21 when sauron returned. pov you are 21 years young and you have been alone all your life you are the steward's only son you are his strange numenorean heir and no one else has the LITERAL PSYCHIC POWERS AND VISIONS that you do and you have had to contend with that, alone. master your own mind, alone. learn how the shape of politics and lordship and life bends around you. and the dark lord the enemy who brought down your forebears has now set his eye on your lands again. Jesus Christ. How Would You Fucking Deal. sorry i would have a nervous breakdown and go and live in the desert. Man. TWENTY ONE? LIKE ME? most days i feel like a teletubby with a job and a credit card. if you scale it to account for numenorean lifespan inflation i mean i don't know how the math works but like. i bet it comes out to being like. 17. HELLO? basically everyone i know was barely a person at 17. the dark lord of all evil and he's MY problem to deal with?
i mean exactly. haven't we all been prideful and angry and resentful. haven't we all been there. once again [pippin voice] let's all understand poor denethor a little better. havent you ever been taken under the darkness of life [your paragraph here] yeah exactly what you said. the idea that he fucking won the war against the darkness and only lost to despair is..........so much! goodbye i have to go cry!
faramir, me AND fate's most special precious little guy....oh captain my captain....exactly. Exactly. i cant morally endorse a reread right this second but like. After. make it through finals and then it is Faramir Time. (and good luck! you got this!) tactical smartass little bitch master of both man and beast wizard's pupil (complimentary) star and hope and jewel of minas tirith knight in shining armour...my beloved. the idea that like faramir as presented, as the diplomat, as the scholar, as the numenorean, was supposed to be the one to go to rivendell...it haunts me. where is denethor sends the right son to do the right job.txt. he is gondor's no. 1 horse girl he is better suited to the wild than the battlefield he has read every sindarin text in the library he KNOWS the story of elrond and elros. he is literally telepathic and psychic and prophetic. thinking about him interacting with elrond and galadriel (and every other elf. but them in particular) makes me feel deranged. its very...self taught dnd wizard meets guy who went to wizard school energy. he's insane.
YEAH ITS CRAZY THAT THEYRE THE SAME GUY. it's. boromir gets to be boromir but faramir has to be denethor.txt. gracious and lordly as a king of old...now who is consistently referred to as noble and kingly...that a younger faramir would've looked up to...yeah. the perpetuation of denethor's second-best complex. i have a whole nother post in the drafts about that i CANT get into it here but jesus christ men who are NOT breaking the cycle. they even look the same. i mean 37 year old faramir as steward is 100% the spitting image of his father and that makes me....genuinely fucking insane actually. i mean like older councillors are doing double takes every time he walks by. i mean like sometimes people call him by the wrong fucking name. WOW where did that come from. the complex that that would give him...hello? turning this over inside my brain at WARP speed.
you are not late at all lol we are leaving little letters in each other's mailboxes to read when we have the time. i hope your exams go well!!! there will be more Faramir And Denethor Hours soon<33
#from the inbox#Anonymous#denethor anon#Another 1000+ Word Denethor Post From Yours Truly (both of us). Sorry To The Dash.#by the way the idea of ONE GUY bearing both sides of the sword/shield dichotomy made me feel like i was gonna black out in the coffee shop#that was crazy shit LOL#btw if u want me to talk about the denethor thorongil situationship I Fucking Will. idk if u were here before my faramir february url chang#but what has happened to me with them is soooooo typical abby rarepairnation behaviour. Hey Wouldn't That Be Funny. now hold on a second.#long post#denethorposting
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
20 questions for fic authors
i saw ur tag in the morning when i woke up nessa and then i completely forgot. BUT THANK U FOR THINKING OF ME!!!!
i don't really want to tag anyone bc its a bit scary. but eros and duo if u see this... perhaps this might interest u to do it
1. How many fics do you have on ao3?
46 ! and maybe like 20 which existed on ao3 at some point but got deleted by oj for one reason or another.
2. What's your total ao3 word count?
96 365... the oj does not write long things
3. What fandoms do you write for?
mostly project moon these days. and mostly limbus bc (inferno pink grabs me by the throat)
if i didnt feel like it was pointless id probably write for a larger variety of stuff bc the oj brain is full of self insert stuff. but it doesnt rly matter
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
the wine on your skin (137) gonna shrimp myself over that one bc it was my first and probably shittiest smut. but its smut in a large fandom (fire emblem) so it attracted people i guess
yeah dante's fine. what do you mean they're at -45 sanity you're lying (132) IM GLAD PEOPLE LIKED THAT ONE it was a lot of fun. and nice people cared about a dante centric fic with abnos:) (but also still mad as hell over that thing with the guy taking one of the concepts and clearly saying it was from another fic while categorically refusing to actually name it lol)
do NOT wake the manager up. YES they fell asleep on the job but they're REAL comfy right now do NOT disturb them (117) i can't tell if people get attracted by the funny titles or bc they see there are more characters besides faust and dante. bc i know people are NOT coming for them.
i'll always be there (104) a short manuleth fic... im glad there are manuleth likers out there. that professor loves that doctor ok
and they'll fall in love with her again and again (88) people liked the exploration of IDs... its kinda debunked now but it was still fun
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I USUALLY DO unless i find the comment weird. but if its rly weird i usually straight up delete it lol but otherwise i reply to comment if only to thank people for taking the time to leave one. its a tough world out there for attention starved writer
6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
id argue the angstiest i have is one of my deleted ones where i straight up killed a char and the fic was all about everyone else's grief it was depressing lol
otherwise theres the obvious silver snow edeleth angst but its kinda whatever. the backward clock chapter of the dante abnos fic was rly good imo. the nothing there one too. the inferno pink confession fic too.... ough...
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
SCORCHED GIRL & ANGELA FIC GOT ME FUCKED UP MAN. FOUND FAMILY BETWEEN THE FUCKED UP LITTLE GIRL AND THE ANDROID
8. Do you get hate on fics?
nah. thank god i dont i think id nuke my ao3 on the spot i already explode over weird comment
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
i smack my faust and dante dolls together
i used the be rly scared of smut now im a free little oj. it gets horny sometimes but also im rly vanilla so its usually very sweet.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
i dont. i should sometime though.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
NOT AS FAR AS I KNOW I THINK ID NEVER WRITE AGAIN OTHERWISE
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
nay
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
no and i dont think i could oj needs to write her thing in peace. art&fic stuff are rly fun though.. oj likes when duo art inspires her or oj text inspires duo...
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
ALL TIME IS A TOUGHIE the ships come and go guys cmon. rn inferno pink is all the rage though. and me with all the ladies i like
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
funnily enough i dont rly have wips bc i only start things when im REALLY motivated and i usually dont write things long enough that id drop them mid way. so none
16. What's your writing strengths?
being straight to the point maybe. idk. i mean my whole style is about short sentences and descriptions and just giving enough to get the feelings and vibes and idk. like i dont spend a paragraph talking about the weather thats not my style.
i like to think im good at sounding like chars too. if its the chars i like at least. or i hope at least. maybe its all in my head.
17. What's your writing weaknesses?
im rly bad at writing things that require more description... stuff that i cant just move on from or write by sprinkling lil actions between dialogues... like say. a fight scene. im rly bad at it
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
i mean if the char actually speaks in another language usually and mixes it with the translated language or whatever sure. itd make sense i have no issue with it
19. First fandom you wrote for?
long ago i wrote stuff for shin megami tensei 4. but i think even before that i wrote lil danganronpa drabbles that never got posted anywhere.
also technically i wrote a story about vocaloids for an english assignment in middle school. does that count
20. Favorite fic you've ever written?
idk if its a favorite but im like. rly fond of "hello doctor, it's me again. i missed you." bc its the fic i probably put the most effort in. longest and multi chapters and like. id started writing it two years prior to when i finished it and id written like. a chapter and a half on paper during breaks in college and never did anything with it. and two years later when i was sorting my stuff i had these papers and wanted to throw them away so i was like ill type this out on puter at least before that. and then i ended up motivating myself to finish it and i was rly proud of it... oj is still rly sad it didnt get that much attention in the end.
otherwise oj rly likes her angela & abno fics:) shes happy with them. and also stuff ive written for duo! i think its cute and i had a lot of fun with them
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
mourning sickness
mourning thoughts
when my dad called to tell me my brother had died, the last thing he said before he hung up was “it’s just you and me now, sadie.” it was valentine’s day 17 years ago.
when my dad died, it was just me and him. i was asleep on the floor at the side of his hospital bed. it was a thursday one month ago.
i called a few people; only one picked up.
it is just me now.
~~
mourning panic
i had been playing music continuously for my dad on one of my phones for weeks. one day in the hospital he mentioned beethoven string quartets, so i played an album of string quartets for 12 hours a day.
days later, his closest friend suggested a few of his favorite albums - schumann lieder, fauré melodies, goldberg variations, beethoven symphonies - so i played those for 12 hours a day.
then we moved to hospice, and i played these albums for 58 hours.
the evening before he died he developed what is called the “death rattle” - it’s a way of breathing that indicates death is near. people prepared me for it by telling me it sounds like “gurgling”. it doesn’t. imagine the cranking of a rollercoaster as it’s ascending the incline, but muffled by a blanket.
a beethoven symphony accompanying the death rattle perfectly scored the last few hours of my dad’s life. i wanted to remember this musical accordance so i used my other phone to record audio in the room, and i went to sleep.
the music had become pathological. i knew it was what was keeping him alive, so when i woke up that morning to silence i knew he was gone before even looking for the rise and fall of his sheet.
the paper i signed said time of death 6:50am because that’s when the nurse practitioner came in after i called for her, but i know it was 6:15am because i played the recording back to listen for his last breath.
~~
mourning routine
i’d been with my dad every day for three weeks. after a few days, i’d established a routine for us. i’d arrive when visiting began, and i’d say something like hi dad, it’s april 12th and it’s a beautiful day outside. we’re safe and everything is good. maybe later we’ll go outside. or hi dad, it’s the morning and we have so much to look forward to. let’s relax now. i’d tell him i loved him - i love him - and we’d begin the day.
the days were the same. my dad slept, i worked from a chair with my back turned to the east river, nurses and doctors came in to disturb us, i read chapters of books on grief, my dad would wake up and we’d talk for a bit and i’d tell him to rest when he started to get agitated, and again we’d find our peace, and we’d exist for the rest of the day until visiting was over.
on the fourth day, i started keeping a journal of thoughts and notes from the day. this is the first one i wrote:
“can we have this conversation outside?” im always whispering to someone who has intruded on the space i share with my dying father to talk about my dying father’s impending death. none of these people seem to understand that talking about a dying person’s impending death in front of the dying person while the dying person is very much alive and potentially unaware of the fact that they are dying is - at best - uncourteous, and - at worst - fucking traumatic. “if they know, they let go”!!! someone told me that. selfish / selfless. i’m doing my best. i don’t want him to be scared / know that i know. i have to protect him.
**(i don’t think it’s advisable - legally or by my own anger - to talk about the nature of my dad’s “illness” but for the sake of giving some insight: he died of a preventable medical event due to an inexcusable act of negligence that occurred before he arrived to the hospital)**
my dad was in and out of cognition during the first few weeks but when he first arrived to the hospital he was unintelligible. this meant that when i arrived i had to make decisions.
i made decisions with my dad’s best interest in mind. on bad days, these decisions made sense. on “good days” - days when my dad asked about my new home or work or my boyfriend or how weird it would be to want to live on roosevelt island - the choices i’d made on behalf of his physical body and the ones i’d made to mentally protect him from reality seemed to negate or even usurp his autonomy, so i asked my dad’s sister to have a conversation with him about “what was going on”.
she flew in the next day, and i stayed home. i did not want him to know that i knew he was dying. my aunt is brave in ways i’ll never be, so she told him.
she told me he was very angry at her. i scream cried for an hour reading and rereading the text she sent summarizing the conversation.
there were few “good days” after this.
~~
mourning lessons, mourning strength
my dad lived for me.
i don’t say that flippantly. everyone he knew told me that - nurses who had just met him told me that. he told everyone.
i lived for him, too. i wanted to have life for him. i lived on his behalf. i wanted to see and do things just to tell him about them. i took photos i’ll never look at again to show him. i did things i never thought i’d do to impress him or make him proud of me— i don’t know how to swim but i jumped into a lake just to hear him say “WOW, sadie!!” (and he did).
he saw every event in my life as a success, and he lived to see me succeed. he celebrated me every day of my life. the last thing of consequence he said to me was “i hope all of your projects are successful” after i said goodbye to him at the end of one of our long days. i had not discussed any “projects” with him.
my dad taught me to be kind, and to seek justice. he taught me to do for others, but always put myself first. he taught me to be generous, and grateful, and say thank you, and to appreciate everything i have.
he taught me how to make sigara boregi, and baklava, and to keep traditions. he taught me diction, and how to argue, and be incisive. he taught me how to play the piano, and chess, and that being smart was power, and a responsibility.
he was sensitive and artistic, and - like me - had few friends, but one of them described him like this: “one of the most memorable people I have ever met, in real life or in fiction. He was not someone you forget. He was a person who thought big, a person with great imagination, a kindred spirit to the great composers and poets.”
my father was deeply enamored with the parts of himself that he saw in me, and in turn i became dedicated to making those parts whole.
~
i woke up one morning in hospice and wrote down that i felt like an icicle. i was losing parts of myself every day, but the comparison was less about that which i was losing than that which was still hanging on.
every day there were parts of me that were begging for the privilege of relief, for the privilege to sink into the puddle of yesterday and every moment passed - to let go - and every day i chose to carry on as an act of strength.
“i’m losing myself but i can’t let go. i am whole here otherwise i am broken at the bottom.” i wrote.
i am strong because of my father, but he didn’t teach me that.
there’s a difference between being taught something, and learning it. teaching comes with intention, and i learned a few things from my dad that he didn’t intend to teach me - like how to play the lotto, or curse, or be trenchantly insulting at the smallest provocation. that’s mirroring behavior.
learning strength from my father was not like this. my dad was not an example of strength but he was not weak; he was resilient. what my dad had was an unshakable resistance to adversity -- even in death.
learning something from someone who wasn’t quite equipped to teach it was a survival technique, and i am surviving because of it.
~~
mourning gratitude, memories
my brother died when i was a kid so i am used to loss, and it was sudden and unexpected, so i am used to grief. having three weeks to say goodbye to my dad felt like - was - a privilege.
i feel grateful for every minute i got to spend with him, from the first time i saw him register that he was not alone when i arrived off my red eye hours after he’d been admitted to the ER, to the last time i laid my body across his chest to improvise a hug.
i will cry every day for a long time. i will cry thinking about how my dad will not walk me down the aisle, or meet my child, or ever again call to tell me there’s a program on pbs that i “must” watch.
but i will smile thinking of us casually strolling into an auction at sotheby’s… and staying. i will laugh thinking about my dad ordering a steak “medium rare, but charred - CHARRED, ok? - on the outside and pink on the inside” at every single restaurant we ever went as if anyone would ever write those words down, let alone pass them along to someone in a kitchen. i will laugh thinking about him describing a woman by telling me “she has a contemporary haircut” or telling me he needed an iphone 12 (he had the 11) because his phone was too “slippery” and it “slips out of my hand like a FISH, mercedes” (yes, he needed a case).
great memories.
~
i have always thought i’ve known what it is to be “alone”. i live in a state of “alone” by choice, but when my dad died i realized what that actually meant.
you leave me behind to fight this fight that i have always thought i fought alone, only to realize in this very moment how wrong i was, i wrote.
this is loss. this is the feeling of being without.
it is a gift to have HAD, to have known love and warmth and compassion like this, and to have been able to reciprocate. but still i wanted one more day… and one more day… and one more day.
yes, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. but by how much?
something i thought was invincible has been shattered… i’ll know once i rebuild.
~~
mourning dawn
i have been reluctant to expose my father to the indignity of the internet because the moment we share an experience it becomes part of the collective whole, and i have long felt that my father belongs only to me.
that’s the story we created when my brother died so we could survive… but now that my dad is gone, i have to create a new story.
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
08 05 2023
shall i talk about the dreaded intake appointment from thursday? the one i spent weeks avoiding? the one that's been the catalyst for my intense feelings of grief and rage for the past month?
uneventful, absolutely nothing happened, there was no fucking justifiable reason why i was so adamantly against it, why i made myself go through so much pain just to avoid doing it. my paranoia got the best of me again
the dude's fine and has made no effort to piss me off so far. he graciously took the third-chair in my treatment team, and refers to my primary therapist as if she's the one he's reporting to— because he is— and i really appreciate his recognition of the hierarchy here.
he said something like "i totally understand that you dont want to be here and you're just here to tick a box so you can get back to work with [primary therapist]," after i expressed my disinterest in his treatment plans. like. thank you for acknowledging the fact that i dont want to work with you, at all, and am here against my will.
he does IFS which I didn't know beforehand, i've actually always wanted to try IFS but prioritized DBT because i know that it works for me already. so im excited to try that? surprisingly? or at least just learn more about it. im a therapy nerd what can i say? i could talk about it for hours. i have talked about it for hours before, i have spent entire sessions talking meta about therapy.
idk why but i was kind of paranoid he would try to replace my PT but he hasnt made any effort to do so. i was able to talk about her, and mention superficially how my relationship with her has been a trigger for my cough dependence cough and like, it was kind of weird talking to a therapist about my sessions with another therapist? but he was totally chill with it, didn't say anything like "maybe you two aren't a good fit" (we are though) like the people at the hospital did. it was refreshing to say the least
hes very Christian though, went to my dad's rival Catholic highschool, has mentioned me doing 12 step, im a bit hesitant to trust for these reasons. he mentioned how he thinks addiction is a lack of spiritual completion or whatever, i think thats total absolute bullshit and i'm gonna tell him that the next session that i don't spend 76% of the time dissociating while he talks
hes a lot more personable than im used to, he started the intake by spending 8 minutes self-disclosing information about himself, which was such a weird experience to me. he told me he has a family and children and a wife, i have literally never had a therapist tell me about their home life before unless it was in context of my treatment.
another thing thats annoying me is lack of admistrative coordination. i was supposed to get emailed an ROI for my PT yesterday (still haven't) and a signed excuse note so that i can actually go to my session with my PT next week, and if I don't get those im fucked. like. i'm actually going to be so mad if his lack of organization prevents me from being able to see her. i am going to stab him.
he also has a lot less boundaries than im used to which i feel like might be a recipe for disaster considering the fact that im borderline. he mentioned in detail how he doesn't like the power imbalance between therapists and clients and how he thinks it should be more like we're on equal ground. he described this visually with his fingers interlacing. and like, i get it, but also, i need that seperation there. i need therapists to recognise that i cannot keep myself from becoming attached, and create that distance between us, and keep those little boundaries stable and reinforced so that i don't get triggered or somehow fuck up the relationship with my symptoms. yk?
like we can have a close therapeutic relationship without making it so that we're on equal ground or enmeshed with each other as per interlacing-finger-visual-description.
the lack of boundaries just worries me. like he just gave me his phone number and was like "text me if you need me" like do you realize that if there ever comes a time that my PT has abandoned me and i need help, you have now opened yourself up to me spam texting and/or splitting on you over the phone? i already abuse my phone coaching privileges and annoy the fuck out of my PT, if there weren't by-the-book boundaries in place with DBT our therapeutic relationship would have gone to shit by now. he also kept me 15 minutes over time even though he had another client after me? if i were that client I would've split on him and left. its giving unprofessionalism.
im definitely going to have to make him set clear boundaries with me, for saving my own dignity.
i dont hate him rn tho i think thats the most important thing
- andrew
#actually bpd#bpd#im not mentally stable#actually mentally ill#borderline#bpd stuff#borderline personality disorder#bpd struggles#mental illness#tumblr diary
1 note
·
View note
Note
playlist anon here! Cornelia street ALMOST made it on the playlist, it just didn’t because I wanted more angst!!! I hope you enjoy it and i wanna know your thoughts if you’re willing to share when you finish your listen☺️
I'm actually gonna put all my thoughts on this reply, lmao. And I'm typing these up as I listen so uhh this might be a rambled mess LMAO.
Track 1: IMPECCABLE CHOICE. we really cannot have a playlist without the star of the show ;) ~ i love cigarettes after sex lol they're so moody and sensual. show stopping. incredible. iconic.
Track 2: TAYLOR!!! SWIFT!!! God, I love gold rush so much. esp the line; "I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush" because i think it perfectly encapsulates how the reader feels about carmy. her desire for distance, her uneasiness about her affection/fondness, the vulnerability that he unknowingly teases from her.
Track 3: I've never heard this song before. I know of HAIM. But, wow this song really gave me like BUTTERFLIES. Especially these two lines: "We're watching the sunrise from the kitchen counter // When you're lyin' between my legs it doesn't matter." like 👀👀👀 HELLO?
Track 4: Yeah, this one - like - taylor swift is so good at writing songs about yearning LMAO. Just. * Chef kiss.*
Track 5: MITSKI. MITSKI. MITSKI!!!! Is it really a playlist if we don't have mitski? answer: no it is not! ugh. "baby will u kiss me arleady?" LIKE DAMN, TRUE. MISTKI!!! WILL HE??
Track 6: Okay, I need my girl by the national. is. the most yearning-of-songs to ever yearn. this song really captures what it feels to be like "outside" - not relating to peers, or family, and feeling like you have this connection to a specific person who even when you feel small/insecure/weak/etc---this person is who can pull you out of it, who softens the edges of the world, :.) i love them sfm.
Track 7: hi taylor. This song is so carmy-coded. "And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound" and this one too: "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad" -- carmy knows EXACTLY what to say to cut someone deep. ha ha. this line, especially, feels very carmy/mikey to me: "I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that" COOL, COOL, NOW IM FUCKING CRYING.
Track 8: emotional damage. emotional damage. how dare u put phoebe bridgers on this playlist. i weep. this song perfectly captures the grief that they (reader and carmy) share. 😭
Track 9: I've never heard this song but it got me with the FIRST LINE. "in the car in the backseat" HELLO?? fucking IMMACULATE. also, like yes reader IS a fucking mess. they're both messy. and yet "I believe that you see me for who I am" [SCREAMING INTO MY PILLOW AND WALKS INTO THE OCEAN]
Track 10: wow this song is also so THEM. "All the skeletons you hide.
Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." hi, i will need 7-10 business days to process this, thnx. goodbye. u really weren't lying when you said you wanted angst. u know that meme of the stick-figure guy lying on the ground in a puddle of his own tears? That's me.
Track 11: Hoax by Tswift is so Carmy-coded. I think Taylor wrote all these songs for him, actually. but, also the references to shades of blue, make me think of reader looking to Carmy's eyes. both romantic and lowkey fucking SAD. are u trying to fucking kill me??
Track 12: it's about the yearning. i just love the concept that this song implies that like no matter how much you try to push someone out, they can still get under ur skin. HAHA WALKING INTO THE OCEAN AGAIN.
Track 13: i made the mistake of looking up the lyrics to this song so i could include my favorite line and then the internet told me that the meaning of this song could be interpreted as "pouring love into someone and they only give a fraction back in return." wow that hurts bestie. but also the ending of this song, the way it picks up, and the crescendo of music (im not a musician) its giving ~crying while sliding down the wall in the golden light of pre-sunset and clutching ur phone to ur chest.~
Track 14: wow this song fucking slaps? Also screaming at the chrous: "Is it insensitive for me to say - Get your shit together? - So I can love you" LOSING IT. I feel like it could be taken both ways, Reader's view to Carmy and his view to her. Like. Hmmm. besties. I'm feeling like these two might be grenades thrown at each other. hahahah.
Track 15: WE GOT HOZIER?? damn!! I feel like you went into the cosmos and found all the bangers I had forgotten about or simply never heard. God, I love his folky, gentle vibe. I feel like this would be the perfect song to have played during the wedding scene when they're both sitting in front of Lake Michigan, talking about loss, and their budding friendship.
Track 16: "The devil's in the details but you've got a friend in me." Again, are you TRYING to kill me?? Honestly, all of these songs could apply to SOME part, some scene of this fic, and I want to THROW MYSELF INTO THE SUN!! also like the line....."Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other". that's it. I'm listening to the rest of these from beyond the grave. also like ugh the way this song embodies being THERE for someone but not being able to u know fix the shit they're going thru or heal it and just having to accept that.
Track 17: daddy hozier is back! this song is just ugh so romantic. i feel like hozier is the only Man to Ever Exsist, imo, and get it. He gets it! Also, this song makes me feel like being "brought to life" by love and uguuugghh. I know ur going for an angst angle but this song makes me feel so warm and cozy x)
Track 18: WOW THIS SONG IS SOOO READER. This is her song. You've done it. You've cracked the code. I think this song could be interpreted as her feelings for Carmy, but also, on a larger scale--The Bakery--when it came into her life, everything changed, and she now has something to prove, something to work for. I'm in AWE of ur mind, anon.
Track 19: oh ok we're back to being sad, I GUESS. GOSH. EVERMORE?? Pls!!!! The way this song describes a story of grief and how it feels like it's going to last forever, but it doesn't. Time actually does heal wounds. You just have to make it through the months, through the cold, and into safety and warmth. What a PERFECT ending song choice.
how i feel about this playlist (affectionate)
#fic: nghb feedback#long post#this is so incoherent im sorry lsdjfdslkfjsdl (not sorry)#i have the biggest grin on my face LMAO
1 note
·
View note
Text
2021: kdramas in review (the heartwarming, the frustrating, and the sob-worthy)
it is indeed, once again, december 31st and I am back with kdramas-in-review ✨2021 edition✨ (it is 8 pm as i write this so *high fives myself*)
this year has been a pretty good kdrama year (if we ignore the fact that I didn’t watch a single thing this december) I ended up having watched 54 dramas! plus a rewatch. thats pretty darn good if I do say so myself, also really highlights how little I accomplished this year lmao. just stayed at home and watched tv, truly inspiring.
this year was chock-full of major hits and major misses for me and unfortunately i’ve got some super popular ones as ones that I think were kinda bad *runs and hides* now disclaimer my friends, these are my opinions and you are very welcome to think i’m wrong! and thats okay!! I watched all of these in 2021 but not all of them were released in 2021. (quite a few of these have multiple answers bc im indecisive like that)
(theres only 10 gifs in this bc tumblr cut me off at ten, how long was this a thing?? 😭😭how rude)
most heartwarming drama of the year
Racket Boys (2021)
this drama was so slept on!! its AMAZING YALL! it is genuinely the sweetest, most relatable, wholesome drama about friendship and all the dynamics that come with that. it's about first loves and the painful wonderful awkwardness of it all, it's about parents going through their own issues, them realizing they might be hurting their kids and wanting to do better for them, working towards actually listening to their kids and adapting and growing. it's about community and being there for others. It's genuinely so so good and everyone should watch it. the child actors are incredibly talented and i’m def going to be following their careers in the future.
Navillera (2021)
another absolute banger my dears, this was a beautiful drama and i loved it from the first ep. it's about going after your dreams, whether you’re young or older, and achieving them to the best of your capabilities. It's also about finding what you want to do in life, especially when you don’t have a specific dream. it's about the dichotomy of loving your parents even when they’ve failed you and deciding what level of a relationship you want with them. its found family and platonic m/f friendships and the pains of growing old and the tragedy that is alzheimers. navillera made me cry because of how absolutely beautiful and heartwarming it was. 10/10 recommend.
drama(s) that made me SOB
(a smidge of spoiler territory for this section!!)
Youth of May (2021)
ahhhh hahahah i fucking sobbed. there's no way around it. this devastated me, ESPECIALLY because of how much i loved the characters and rooted for them and their happiness. myung hee and hee tae are two characters that are doing their best despite the situations they are born into and the expectations surrounding them in 1980s korea. this drama is joyful and painful all in 12 episodes and it hurt. it's about the gwangju uprising and the devastation that followed, so trigger warning for a lot of death. if you want just the happy adorable bits, just watch the first 6 eps and don’t touch the last 6 w a 50 ft pole.
Move to Heaven (2021)
wooo another sob fest occurred this whole drama. i think i cried through half the show? i accidentally ended up binging it because of how good it was. so i’d watch a few episodes, cry my eyes out, get a break from another episode, and then the next one had me weeping again. this is about geu ru (who is also autistic) who worked with his father as a trauma cleaner. his father passes away in the first episode and geu ru has to process his grief while also dealing with meeting his estranged uncle. this was an excellent look at societal issues in korea, what grieving looks like on different people in various circumstances, how people even process their grief. so many stories in this were so touching and heartbreaking while also being incredibly heartwarming.
dramas with chemistry royalty (aka the best couples)
Run On (2020-2021)
this ended in 2021 so i count it as watching it this year! seon gyeom and mi joo are the realest couple out there, these two are so wonderful and adorable while also showcasing the awkwardness in adult relationships and how miscommunication can be solved with… communication. they care about each other deeply while also not intruding on each other, respecting each other's boundaries, promoting that self love is the key to happiness and a long-lasting relationship. just so cute and precious.
Vincenzo (2021)
these dorks!! our lawyer power couple, absolute icons. their fashion and one-liners are enough to kill em dead. they are so so funny and are partners in the truest sense (which is my actual lifeblood). they bicker and didn’t really like each other at first, before we got them slowly moving to friendship! then partners/best friends!! then mutual pining!! its truly beautiful. vincenzo isn’t a romance (sad days) so our babies don’t get together till the very end but the journey was so much fun that i didn’t care at all.
Youth of May (2021)
i loved myung hee and hee tae and their relationship was precious and loving and funny and full of banter. they’re both absolute sweethearts and i want to be best friends with both of them. i related to myung hee so much, especially with the love she has for her younger brother. she is so brave and kind and hee tae is so smart and funny, they were perfect for each other. they were each other's chosen family and I just thought that was beautiful.
Doom at Your Service (2021)
another banter-filled, adorable, dorky couple! can you tell I have a specific type lol. these two were precious!! they supported each other, they were so goddamn funny together. their senses of humor matched perfectly and i laughed so much with them. dong kyung was relatable and myeol mang was wholly there to be a complete simp for her (as i think we all were). their relationship was honestly the driving force of this show (the plot is a little not really there and i didn’t love the side couple situation)
Happiness (2021)
MY BABIES <33333 i just finished watching this one and i. loved. them. they’re best friends to lovers with a marriage of convenience and seemingly unrequited pining but it's requited!! *sobs in happiness* (lol get it)
they’re partners, they care about and understand each other on a deep level. they know each other better than the back of their own hands, they support one another from episode 1, they were married! before they even realized it. just perfection. happiness is a mystery/thriller and these two absolutely stole the whole show.
best OST
Hospital Playlist 2 (2021)
I have to give this to hosplay because i genuinely have added almost every single song from season 2 onto my playlist. my personal favorite is Running in the sky by HYNN, i had this on repeat for like a month.
most frustrating/disappointing drama of the year
Sisyphus: The Myth (2021)
ahhh where to even start with this one…. first off, it was jtbc’s special anniversary drama which meant it was supposed to be,,,, i dunno,, good? and it was good at first. and then it got worse and worse and worse. i don’t think anyone really watched this one and tbh i wish i was one of them. the story is ridiculous, the ending is ridiculous, the whole thing failed to come to any sort of conclusion. the character work was atrocious. just nope. save your time and energy. if you watched this and want to read my rant after i finished it click here lol
dramas that fridged their female characters for ✨man pain✨
this was a weird thing i noticed this year in dramas and i did not like it. i thought we were over doing this shit but i guess not. spoilers ahead!
The Devil Judge (2021)
um i know a lot of people loved this but i didn’t. i get why others do, but i just couldn’t get over the writers for this one killing off half their female characters?? (all their main lead women btw) all for man pain??? or furthering a male plotline. like… please. soo hyun? dead for ga on’s pain. sun ah? dead. cause she gives up or her love for yo han or something?? i dunno man. even kyung hee got killed off to further the plot. at least elijah and jin joo didn't die *sigh*. my problem isn't that these women are dead, it's that only one male character died to further the plot and he was a supporting character. the scales are not even.
Jirisan (2021)
another one where almost every woman died to further the plot, except jirisan is even worse than the devil judge. bc in devil judge at least 2 survived. in jirisan, every woman in the title credit scenes except our female lead dies! all of them!! the fuck?? yang sun? dead. da won? dead. the grandma? dead. i cannot. none of the men died, just why. me no likey.
dramas that everyone else liked but the story devolved into nonsense (for me!!)
Mouse (2021)
pffft this show was ridiculous by the end. i actually really loved it for the first 10 eps, thought it was really interesting and engaging. and then the last 10 eps were dragged out, the story devolved into nonsense, things conveniently happened to move plot points along, the supposed “science” behind psychopaths got convoluted and don’t get me started on the amount of random brain surgeries occurring. as if the brain isn’t the most complicated part of our body. i have to laugh, truly. if you wanna give this a chance, go for it. but be prepared to suspend your disbelief all the way to jupiter.
Devil Judge (2021)
putting aside the fridging of female characters, uhh the story got so dragged out and boring by the end? was it just me? i was so bored the last 6 eps, the whole televised court system thing got repetitive and the points they bring up are really obvious ones?? at least to me. i didn’t love yo han like so many others so that's probably why i didn’t like it. again, give this a go if you wanna try it but be prepared for a lot of political jabber.
my favorite kdrama women this year
Kang Sol A: Law School (2021)
my queen, my girl, my ride or die. I love kang sol with my whole ass heart, i relate to this girl on a molecular level. i too suck at studying, i too am clueless to blatant flirting, i too will defend my friends to the death, i too wish to be as smart as her. she proves over and over again that tests don’t prove shit and her genius is shown through application and how she treats others. law school also has one of my favorite female friendships of all time, 💞💞💞ye seul x kang sol 💞💞💞
Ji Woo: My Name (2021)
i want to both hug jiwoo and be her best friend. she needs one very much and i am all too willing to provide. she was amazing to watch, her drive is inspiring, her story was heartbreaking. shes a complicated messy wonderful smart human being
Saebom: Happiness (2021)
if saebom stomped all over me, i would thank her. she is so smart, a complete and total badass. she’s also a lil weirdo and i love her for it. she cares about others but she’s not willing to let herself be emotionally trampled for it. she knows her boundaries and she protects them as well as being a fighter for the boundaries of those she cared about. i adore her.
Myung Hee: Youth of May (2021)
myung hee… my girl… she is a protective older sister who puts the needs of others above her own and wow do i relate. she has a tumultuous relationship with her dad and is a single female in 1980s gwangju trying to be independent and support herself. she works on trying to put herself first while also caring about her family. she is selfless and helping others is her life (she’s a nurse). again, i love her dearly. one of my favorite female characters.
overall favorite romance
Hye Jin & Du Sik: Hometown Cha Cha Cha (2021)
here they are!! my king and queen in all their glory!!!! if you know me or follow my blog, you know how much i love these two. they 100% could have also gone into chemistry royalty but i thought that list was getting long and this section is dedicated to them because that's how much i adore them. they’re bickering/enemies to lovers, they’re absolute perfection. they are perfect for each other, they learn to care about each other's quirks and not to judge one another based on initial perception. they challenge each other to be better, they talk to each other when they have problems. they love each other openly and loudly. they’re just so so great and a joy to watch.
favorite mystery/thrillers
Taxi Driver (2021)
this was so much fun! the vibes were there, the stories were all based on real events in korea which makes it even cooler. it was so engaging and interesting, plus lee je hoon fucking delivered. it felt kinda like leverage but with more trauma and i loved seeing the gang succeed and take down bad guys. i got my brother to watch this and he loved it too
Happiness (2021)
this drama was laced with something, i swear. i could not stop watching it. the vibes, the music, the characters, the fast-paced plot, it was all so so good. watch it!!
favorite netflix kdrama miniseries
D.P. (2021)
these are the 6/8/10 ep minis that netflix has been releasing this year, like; squid game, hellbound, my name, the silent sea, etc…
my personal favorite of the bunch hands down has been D.P.. it talks about an issue i didn’t really know a lot about, the military and its weird politics, rules, rigid structure and how it can really hurt some people (specifically men in this situation). i loved the dynamic between our two main leads, they were funny and kind of sad and heartwarming and engaging. this show broke my heart and im so excited for season 2 whenever it comes out. this drama has a lot of triggers so send me an ask for them (i also have a post)
favorite slice of life dramas
Hospital Playlist 2 (2021)
this season was so funny! i died laughing at so many parts, they really focused on the supporting characters this season rather than an overarching plot. I know other people didn't love it as much as hosplay s1 but i loved this season just as much. plus iksong finally sailed!! clutching my heart over here.
Hometown Cha Cha Cha (2021)
is this a surprise? nope. a beautifully filmed slice of life that explores people and various societal issues in korea. like divorced couples and the impact on their kids, parental death, how pregnant women can get treated by men (more specifically their husbands). it also focuses on regular day-to-day issues like living with loss, letting oneself feel their tragedy rather than bottling it up, opening yourself up to new relationships, not judging based on initial perceptions, being there for others, being kind, and so much more. a wonderful wonderful drama that is near and dear to my heart.
Reply 1988 (2015-2016)
I finally watched this!! I watched it earlier this year and then promptly rewatched it two months later. I adored this drama and the end makes my heart hurt in a good way and I can’t believe it took me this long to watch this. I get the hype, i truly truly get it.
favorite fantasy drama
The Uncanny Counter (2020-2021)
my favorite found family of the year!! this drama was a whole lot of fun with emotional depth and wonderful well-rounded characters, badass fight scenes, and satisfying taking down of bad guys! absolutely loved the relationships between our main 4 characters
Doom At Your Service (2021)
the fantasy elements were a lot of fun, myeol mang was actually a lil scary when he was hunting down bad guys (it was also hot af ngl). doom at your service was really enjoyable and was more a fantasy slice of life? the focus wasn’t really on the supernatural in this one, it was more on dong kyung and her prognosis.
k-movies i really loved
Little Forest (2018)
the quietness of this movie, showing the peace of living in a small village really made me want to live in a quiet town. i LOVED the detail of showing the food being made, it was so peaceful and calm. touches on themes of figuring out what you want to do in life, finding your own path and coming to terms that what you wanted as a kid might not line up with you as an adult.
Train to Busan (2016)
i watched this! extremely behind the trend as always!! and it was so damn good. i cried at this movie too. trust everyone’s reviews and watch this, it is so good.
Extreme Job (2019)
i watched this for honey lee and no regrets, this was funny as fuck. its about cops opening up a chicken restaurant as part of a sting and then being extremely successful at it. its got cool fight scenes, interesting characters, and a hilarious ending.
dramas i'll be starting immediately in 2022
these are the dramas that I just didn’t get a chance to start at the end of 2021 and will be starting immediately (as in tomorrow) bc they just look so good!!
Our Beloved Summer
Inspector Joy
The Kings Affection
Bad And Crazy
The Silent Sea
The Red Sleeve
mydramalist in my bio for every drama i've watched and their specific ratings!
#kdrama#kdrama recs#kdrama recommendations#kdrama 2021#netflix#vincenzo#hometown cha cha cha#doom at your service#d.p. dog days#cocogukkie recommends#sbs racket boys#move to heaven#tvn#kbs#sbs#jtbc#jtbc law school#my name#train to busan#im posting this for the 6th time#reposting cause it got buried#pls let me be done#i is tired
244 notes
·
View notes
Text
alitm was such a book idk if i can fit all my thoughts into one post
im on mobile and it wont let me put the little red more things so this is your warning, i have the post tagged but still, be warned there are major spoilers for alitm
anyways i loved alitm this may not be a popular opinion but i thought it was amazing and a perfect end to the series. it fucking broke me oh my god. on one hand it was amazing writing and i loved it ON THE OTHER HAND WHY DID THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT THAT SAD.
bristlefrost im so sorry i ever said anything bad aboutyou you are the paragon of perfection, the best cat in the whole world and i hope they name 50 cats after you.
i want to imagine bristlefrosts death ended up sort of like the epilogue of firewing. she wont be in starclan but shes still there in spirit and shes always watching over the clans. i am 100% sure she knew that rootspring was willing to chabge clans for her, i think they both did and GODAMNIT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY AND HAD KITS. i have cried 5 times since i read it. her death scene was beautiful, so poetic and i loved it and i hated it. BUT THEY KEPT ON PILING ON THE GRIEF. its tearing me to shreds to think tht shes not even in starclan, she gave up her life, her spirit, and her future with rooyspring to save the clans and for that she has earned a place in my favorite warriors cats.
shadowsight also was great this book, im so happy about how everything was tied up at the end, i was worried the erins wouldnt do it but i thought it was great and im so glad shdowisght can just move on.
graystripes death was sad but also im so glad he gets to be with his family again, he and firestar were so gay this book. speaking of firestar im so glad they brought back his personality from the first arc. he kicked darkstripes ass and he kicked it good. im so glad they brought back how his main perosnality traits were 1. loved violence and 2. really fucking petty and nosy
also i am convinced. I AM CONVINCED. that the scene at the end where rootspring tries to reach bristlefrost and sees the image of them under a willow tree? and with their kits? and runjing through the forest? thats bristlefrost. it has to be. it cant just be a coincidence that she also imagined them under a willow tree, and with three kits, and running through the forest. it cannot be.
im sorta disappointed that snowtuft didnt get a proper death scene, but it was cool that we got to see other dark forest cats. i thought ashfur was a really great villain still, and i LOVED the scene where needletsil and violetshine beat the shit out of darktail. he totally deserved it.
im sad squirrelflight wasnt in the final battle though. the speech graystripe gave from her was great but also i think she shoulve given it herself.
im so happy theyre changing the code, its long overdue. i think the lesson of this book is that bristlefrost is the best and everyone should love her. she should have been on the cover. bramblestar barely even showed up
i loved her sacfrifice, it really was worth it and it was beautifully written, but also im getting way to worked up over this and im fucking miserable that shell never gt to see that it was her who saved the clans, it was her determination that inspired dark forest cats to fight on their side, and it was her loved with rootspring that encouraged them to change the code. shes so wonderful and i loved her so much. bristleforts is the only warrior cat ever.
over all 12/10 just for bristlefrost. i might follow up on this post
#alitm spoilers#alitm#a light in the mist#oh god#warriors#warrior cats#wc#shadowsight#bristlefrost#rootspring#violetshine#needletail#darktail#snowtuft#bramblestar#squirrelflight#ashfur
229 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝐣𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨 𝐤𝐮𝐣𝐨 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐜 "𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐬𝐤𝐲"
☆watching the night sky with jotaro kujo☆
(pre - trip to egypt)
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
cw: swearing, smoking
☆let’s begin!☆
☆You and Jotaro had been friends since 3rd grade. You’d known him since he was just a little boy, because your mom was friends with his. He was always the sweet, kind, tall awkward boy when he was little, he was bright, and you saw a future in his eyes. But now, he’s a 17 year old delinquent who treats his mom like shit. You still loved him of course, but his sweet side was harder to find under the surface.
You and Jotaro had made plans to go and watch the sky at night.
He said it was stupid and “Fucking ridiculous” but he couldn’t say no to you.
You had packed a bag with some water, snacks, a telescope you had lying around since you did this every weekend, and a blanket you guys could sit on. You dressed comfortably that night, just a baggy shirt and some comfortable jeans you had lying around. You grabbed the bag and ran out the door, saying bye to your mother. The second you stepped out you were hit with a blast of cold air. Right- It had completely slipped your mind that it got pretty cold at night.
Whatever- you were almost late to meet him so you just ran over to the meeting spot, which was an abandoned field you always went stargazing at.
Once you had made it there, you set up the blanket and put your bag down as you waited for him. You sat there for about 5 minutes until you saw a tall figure walking towards you. It was Jotaro!
“Hey, Jotaro!” You said, in excitement. You loved his company, even if he was a bit mean. Truth was, you had a crush on him since the 6th grade, and you were gonna tell him tonight.
“Hey.” He said as he sat down next to you on the blanket. “What the hell are we doing here again? It’s fucking freezing out here. Why are you in a T-Shirt?”
He asked in a monotone voice as he pulled out a cigarette and a lighter.
“I forgot a jacket- It’s fine though- I like the cold.” You said as you shuddered a bit at a gust of wind hitting your face.
“Sure. Good grief, just take my jacket you dumbass. Don’t forget your jacket next time, god damn it.” He said as he threw his jacket at you while he exhaled a puff of smoke.
You grabbed his jacket and put it on, the smell of cologne and smoke hitting your nose instantly. “Thanks, Jotaro. Anyways- The sun should be done setting any time now. We should be able to see some stars in the sky since we don’t live in the big city.”
He groaned as he laid back, plopping his body down in the soft grass.
“This is so boring.”
“I promise it gets better. If we get lucky, we might be able to see some constellations!” You said as you laid next to him. “While we wait- I- I really need to tell you something.” You asked, your heart racing so fast it felt like it was gonna leap out of your chest.
“What’s up, Y/N?” He asked in that monotone voice of his, staring at you with those piercing eyes.
“I-.. I have feelings for you- Like- Romantic ones.. I’ve had them for you for a long time and- If you don’t feel the same we could still be friends-”
“Shut up. Stop rambling. Listen, I like you too, but you really need to get your shit together.” He said with a small chuckle as he exhaled a puff of smoke afterward, putting out the cigarette.
“So.. You’re my boyfriend now?” You asked as you shuffled a bit closer to him.
“Yeah. I guess so.” He said in response, slinging his arm over your shoulder.
“I love you, Jotaro.”
“I love you too, Y/N.”
Despite how cheesy it was, you guys chatted and stargazed until the late hours of the night. You and your new boyfriend had parted ways at around 12 am.
“Night, Y/N. I’ll let you keep my jacket but you better give it back. That was 20,000 yen right there.”
“I promise! Good night, Jotaro.”
You shouted as you guys walked away.
You had a blast with him, you’d never loved a guy so much.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
written by hierophant--greenn on tumblr.
sorry if it was kinda bad or cheesy or short aghhhh im kinda bad at fanfics :’)
ily guys! have a good night/day <333 ☆
#jotaro kujo x reader#jotaro x reader#jotaro kujo#stardust crusaders#jojo#jjba#jojos bizzare adventure#jojos bizzare adventure stardust crusaders#sdc#kujo jotaro#x reader#wholesome#joot the beloved#fanfic#fanfiction
98 notes
·
View notes
Text
games ive been playing bc im a Gaymer™ (and some thoughts on them)
most recent update: october 20, 2022
added unpacking!!
games i’ve finished are above the cut, games i’m still in progress on are below so any trigger warnings on those are incomplete. please let me know if i missed any TWs on the completed games, and recommend some to me in the notes! if you need to know about a specific trigger for a specific game, send an ask/a dm/comment on this post! i gotchu!
TWs and commentary may contain spoilers. read at your own risk!
- What Remains Of Edith Finch (completed)
played on xbox
beautiful game
it’s well done and most textures are fucking flawlessly lit
my only issue is there are things that don’t come back that feel like they maybe should???
like, i was dicking around in front of the garage door before i went in on like my 3rd replay, trying to find things to look at that i missed the first few times, and then something clattered inside the garage and edith said “i heard something moving around inside the garage”
and like. holy shit?? holy shit. when i went in to look around there was nothing that had fallen over and nobody inside so uhhhh??
i Get that it’s a clever thing to make you go inside the garage.
i know.
but Still.
anyway wonderful game and its p short so aspiring streamers, this one is for you! its abt an hour nd a half/two hours worth of gameplay
TWs: death, grief, blood visuals, gun visuals, birth visuals(?? this one is more of a just in case), meds, alchohol, possible suicide (there’s no way to Know)
- Night In The Woods (completed)
played on xbox
this game is one of my favorites of all time
the characters are likable, the dialogue’s funny, the art style is SO damn cute, it has all these fun minigames, openly queer characters, catchy songs, a bit that might give you an extistential crisis, the works!!
it’s a really good game, my issue is there’s really no way to get everything.
you will Always miss something
the gameplay took me 12 hours to complete and i had watched playthroughs before so it’s a LONG game
but this is so high on the reccommended list
TWs: death, cultish behavior, christianity (this game is super cool about it tho, the pastor is a woman and she’s very “no matter what people believe in, i will help them”. yknow. like Actual christians), vomit, knives, derealization, depersonalization
- Knights and Bikes (completed)
played on xbox
this game is hella cute and it’s good to play with a friend! i played it once on my own and i’m currently playing it again with my sibling.
an issue with the multiplayer function is that it doesn’t splitscreen, once my sibling got stuck and we couldn’t progress onwards because the game wouldn’t let me walk too far away from her. makes sense i guess
the storyline is so cute and it reminds me of night in the woods(see above) someone in the comments of this post recommended it to me so💜💜💜 thank you.
all the game mechanics and race minigames are so good 10/10.
the artstyle? WONDERFUL. melza and nessie have the cutest little faces. i have a older sibling problem so they are now my younger siblings. i have adopted them.
captain honkers is my siblings favorite and she insists on stopping whatever plot is going on in order to feed and pet the goose.
nessie and melza are written like real kids and i applaud the devs and writers for that.
TWS: money issues, possession, ghosts, cuts and bruises that are kinda graphic but not that bad
look at this book i found!! it’s got cute art and everything!!! it’s a retelling of the story which i understand is not some people’s thing but honestly it’s great so far!
- Slime Rancher (story complete)
played on xbox
literally whoever developed this game went “so how cute can i make this” and then absolutely SMASHED that limit
i havent even finished the game yet but it’s adorable
my problem is how EASY it is to fall into the ocean and how confusing the map is
i keep getting lost so i wish i could put like,,,markers on the map?? or have the map tell me what slimes are in what region??
idk maybe i’m just dumb but i am very lost all of the time while playing this game
also the soundtrack is impeccable and it’s a very good game for chill streams
hey hi update i’ve finished the story part of the game. it ripped out my heart and stomped on it then wrapped it up in a pretty bow and gave it back to me. wtf.
TWs: there are monsters that try to eat you but you can opt out of having those spawn, flashing(dont stand too close to plort or food deposits if this is an issue for you! the little burst of light when you put something in tends to strobe!!!)
- Firewatch (complete)
played on pc
this game is absolutely hilarious
and beautiful!! its not necessarily realistic but everything has a style to it that makes my little gamer heart happy. i set a screenshot i took as my pc background and it looks very pretty
the music also really makes the game. it hardly ever shows up but when it does you notice!
everything is voice acted by the way, which sets up the game very well! i never once felt like they were reading from a script, and it made me laugh a ton, even when i was pretty scared.
this is kind of an extension to the TW list but if you struggle with paranoia and feelings of being watched, don’t play this game!! it relies very heavily on that mechanic to make you scared, which is good for horror but bad for people who deal with that every day of their lives. please be careful!
TWs: dementia, paranoia, death, animal death, corpses, cheating on a spouse (if you choose the right dialogue), fires, (brief) abuse mention
-emily is away (two storylines complete)
played on pc
honestly? not a huge fan of this one.
storyline 1: i chose to like. not stay talking to emily? it ended at 2006 if that makes a difference.
the entire game was just me going “so what is the most neurotypical answer i could give right now”
i like movement games so the solely text based game was Not as fun for me.
but whatever
ill probably play again and find out why everyone Really likes this game so much
okay storyline 2: i chose all the nastiest answers
wow shes not dating brad shes dating travis. weird.
also every time i insult her music taste i die a little inside thats so Mean
but its for resarch
i feel so BAD being mean to her wtf :((((
alright thats over and now i feel like a dick. thats enough emily for tonight i think
TWs: romantic breakup
-pikuniku(complete)
played on xbox
ever wanted to play a game where youre a jellybean with legs fighting against capitalism?
thats this
need a friend to take down the evil Sunshine Co.? its co-op! live your dreams of toppling capitalism with your best friend by your side
its pretty fun! if you like to have everything explained to you then this probably isnt right for you but thats ok
its a cute cartoonish style, very simplistic. like a less detailed night in the woods or knights and bikes! and yall know thats my JAM
lots of little side quests to do so enjoy running around the open world doing whatever the hell you want
TWs: at the very beginning the villagers are very prejudiced and scared of you, since youre a different species then the rest of them
-unpacking(complete)
played on xbox
ok this was cute
my little sister begged me to get it so she could watch me play it, since the youtube videos she was watching weren’t getting uploaded to youtube kids fast enough.
very soothing, i put on a youtube playlist as i was unpacking this persons houses throughout their lifetime and it was calming but also very rattling especially the college chapter (since thats a thing for me soon at the time of writing this)
the ending couple chapters i was like trying to puzzle together if the persons lover was a girl or not and results inconclusive, could be a guy very comfortable in his masculinity
ok while checking some stuff for the tws i figured out that its a girl!! yay wlw lets go
TWs: theres a chapter, chapter 2010, that sorta seems like domestic violence? the infamous diploma-under-the-bed chapter, where you can’t put basically any of your stuff anywhere, and after this chapter, lots of the characters things are damaged or missing, as if there was a big fight. could be reading way too much into it tho
- Spiritfarer (incomplete)
played on xbox
this game. this game. ive seen Nobody talk about it but it’s so cute!!
stella, the player character is ADORABLE, she’s so damn happy to be doing that job and hanging out with her friends!
its so cute her animations are my favorite thing!!
this game tackles grief and loss, mourning, death, and fear with stella and her cat, dandelion
its such a cute game and its based in greek mythology, you just get to steer a ship around and help out lost souls!!
also an adorable game for chill streams
TWs: death, watching loved ones die (heavily implied stella took care of her best friend in her last moments), ghosts, jellyfish(this isnt a typical tw but they feature prominently as someone’s greatest fear in the game so), storms
-Raji: An Ancient Epic (incomplete)
played on xbox
okay i’m not even out of the training stage yet and this game is a FUCKING DELIGHT.
music? 10/10. story? 100/10. graphics? 1000000000000/10.
the cutscenes are all done in this amazing puppetry style and aaaa!!!
if there is one game on this list i really want you to play, it’s raji.
it’s all about hindu mythology, it’s so so easy to follow along(even for me, who admittedly doesn’t know too much about most religions) and i adore it.
listen go download raji right now. i will fucking WAIT. just. please.
it deserves a lot of love and support
TWs: demons
- Journey To The Savage Planet (incomplete)
played on xbox
okay this one is significantly less wholesome than most of the ones here
i have maybe an hour put into this game?? and there have been 3 drug jokes, 4 different swear words, a heavy implication that you are a slave for capitalistic labor, and something that i’m like 90% certain was a sex joke.
so yeah
t’s a pretty game, but honestly it’s really just a horror game disguised as a survival game
the entire time i’m exploring i just keep singing “🎵i hate souuuuunddddsss, if i round this corner and hear a sound i will dieeeee, all sounds can shut up forever please and thank youuuuuu🎵”
so if that doesnt give you an example of what my mental state is playing this game idk what will
TWs: uh everything listed above, and also terrifying flying squid
- Oxenfree(incomplete)
played on xbox
i’ve watched a play through of this one already but shhhhhhh we don’t talk about that (also its not like i remember what happens anyway)
anyway i LOVE the art style.
it’s like a more simplistic version of night in the woods and y’all know that game is my Jam.
can you all tell gravity falls is my bread and butter because all my favorite games are about creepy towns and weird creatures
i’m not far into it and so far my only drawback is the clunky dialogue.
it just. it sounds Off. i don’t know how else to put it.
i like the radio function a whole lot though
plus the concept is sick as hell it’s literally the dialogue as the only thing holding this game back and not even by that much!!
TWs: grief? it’s been a while since i played i need to head back
- Hollow Knight (incomplete)
played on xbox
i’m honestly not sure about this one.
i’m notoriously bad at platforming games, plus i have no idea the story of hollow knight.
ive played for about 5 hours and i have zero progress.
this game is one that i would only reccommend to people who Know that they’re good at platformers and also are good at remembering where theyre going.
i’m still playing this one and struggling
TWs: all the npcs look like cartoonized bugs, and you have to fight your own spirit whenever you die
- Outer Wilds (incomplete)
played on xbox
this game is goooood.
it’s hard to do, but it’s a space exploration game and it’s Hella fun.
you do have to respawn alllll the way back at your starting planet and it basically rips away any progress you made, which makes sense for the story but damn it’s annoying.
the aliens are cute tho
and the soundtrack is still the only game soundtrack i’ve actually spent money on, because it’s good!!
if you do decide to play this, i wish you luck!!
TWs: none?? none i think??
- Unraveled (incomplete)
played on xbox
i’m so ashamed of this game.
it’s the cutest, most cottagecore-y game in the fucking World, and i rage-quit it
i fucking rage quit unraveled
this is my greatest shame
i’m actually gonna go look up a playthrough as soon as i’m done, because i want to see the rest of this game.
i’m stuck on like stage 3
anyway its a good game it’s just another platformer which my fingers do not appreciate
TWs: death, dementia, being alone???
#what remains of edith finch#night in the woods#slime rancher#spiritfarer#journey to the savage planet#hollow knight#outer wilds#unraveled#knights and bikes#games#video games#game development#raji: an ancient epic#oxenfree#firewatch#emily is away#pikuniku#unpacking#ori games
503 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sannin headcanons and thoughts
The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central
This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.
Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.
1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.
2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).
3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.
4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.
5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.
6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..
7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.
8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.
9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.
10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.
11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.
12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe
13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen
ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.
14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).
15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.
16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.
17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.
18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).
19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.
20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".
21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.
22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.
23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).
24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.
25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.
26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao
27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.
28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi
29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways
30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.
Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.
315 notes
·
View notes
Text
2021 Harry Potter Fanfic Primer
im here to point fingers at the incredible authors that have enabled my new interest in HP content. im still conflicted and upset about it, tbh, but for now we’re leaning into the curve. we’re getting out our shovel and finding out just how deep we can make the hole we’re in. hand in unlovable hand my beloved <3. anyway, these fics are wonderful, their authors are wonderful, and you should go read their stuff. if there’s a star next to it that means im losing my mind over it and always will be.
Creatively Maladjusted, by elumish on AO3, 101k (they also have a wonderful writing advice blog on tumblr, @elumish, which I recommend following if you are a writer)
A very excellent re-telling of harry’s first year at hogwarts if he were sorted into Slytherin, plus some more not!fic or piecemeal re-tellings of his second and part of his third year. Harry, in this, has a slightly different trauma response to growing up with the Dursley’s. He’s a bit quieter, and the signs are a bit more obvious to the people around him, and I enjoyed that immensely.
Honestly, if you’re going to get sucked into something you have absolutely no business getting sucked into, elumish is the way to go, their fic is incredible. their teen wolf fic is also immaculate, if you’re so inclined.
Dissonance, by ImpishTubist on AO3, 2.5k (@impishtubist on tumblr)
Set during fifth year. Oblivious!Harry has always been a delightful trope when well executed, and this is well executed. Plus, some angst between Remus and Harry over what Umbridge has been doing to him.
I would certainly recommend a lot of ImpishTubist’s other hp work on AO3, like Lacuna.
blow us all away, by rexcorvidae on AO3, 23k (@rexcorvidae on tumblr)
In progress (like, updated last week in progress). Currently in the beginning of Harry’s first year. Fem!Harry, Indian!Harry. Hagrid puts Harry in touch with Remus when she has questions about her parents, and they become reluctant, traumatized, angst-ridden pen pals who keep missing each other’s true intentions like ships in the night. hot DAMN do I love this fic. there’s hints of the way the dursley’s treat Harry peaking through in her letters, and I appreciated the attention to “hmm, her experience as a girl of indian descent in britain under the thumb of a bunch of white people who like being Normal may not have been gucci”
Definitely comb through the rest of their HP fic, too, I may or may not have gone feral over it.
Where the Heart is, by silver_fish on AO3, 15k (@kohakhearts on tumblr)
Woof. This one said, “hey, harry was probably SUPER depressed in the summer after fifth year. like, clinically. maybe someone should do something about that.” Fuck yeah. Then this one said, “that someone was Snape.” You all know my opinions on Snape; generally, Bad. But damn if this fic didn’t wholly convince me by the end of it. I thought it was a very realistic way for Snape to start seeing Harry as a person all on his own, and not a proxy for Snape’s angst over James and Lily, respectively. The angst is wonderful, the ending is even more so.
*bernie sanders voice* I am once again asking you to read through the rest of the author’s HP fic. a lot of them have similar themes; there’s actually a great one with Molly that i’m not reccing here, Wonder.
☆Bindings, Bindings, by Quietlemonhush on AO3, 60k (@quietlemonhush on tumblr)
WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU HOW MUCH I ENJOYED/AM ENJOYING THIS. If I had to pick a single fic and say “you, it’s your fault I’m stuck here,” it would be this one. Anyway Lily in the afterlife is So Very Angry about how Petunia is treating Harry, and how Sirius is rotting in Azkaban, and how Remus is alone, that she literally brings herself back to life and drags James and Regulus with her. All three of them are there to chew bubblegum and fix everything that went wrong after they died—and would you look at that, they’re all out of bubblegum! There’s only Fury left. That inciting premise is very crack, but every moment after that is very much not crack. Lily and James love harry more than anything, the way a child should be loved; James and Sirius have the epic friendship of a lifetime; Sirius and Remus have staggering amounts of resolved sexual tension and take turns keeping each other in check; Regulus, though he realized that Voldemort and his family were shit before he died, is still unlearning all his racist bullshit and, also, years of trauma. Actually, they’re all traumatized, but hey: now they have one another again and not a damn one of them seems inclined to let go anytime soon. Quietlemonhush went, “hey, HP has a lot of Awful people in it, and a lot of Righteous people in it, and many of them are Very, Very Powerful; also, love is the most powerful force in the universe” and i said “hell yes tell me more right now.” And then they did!
Quietlemonhush writes Sirius/Remus in a way that makes it sooo much fun to devour, so the rest of their HP fic is most certainly worth a look, if that’s your thing.
Rebuilding, by Colubrina on AO3, 113k (@colubrina on tumblr)
Hermione/Draco (*shrug emojis into the abyss* yeah, yeah, like none of us have ever been there before). Takes place during Hogwarts 8th year, and while the beginning is, IMO, a little unfair to Ron, it gets much better. Tells the story of Hermione and Draco clearing the air, learning to like each other, having some hormones over each other, and then falling in love. Also tells the story of Hermione and Theo Nott becoming friends; the story of how every single 7th and 8th year student is fucked to hell by the war and the Carrows; the story of how they start an emotional support group about it and all become friends; and the story of, what the hell do you do with yourself after that kind of trauma?
I’ve been dipping in and out of Colubrina’s HP since before I was even on tumblr; I actually found them in those dark yesteryears when the only fandom interactions I had were on fanfiction.net. Of such fame as Green Girl, which is an HP fic staple, and has also written a lot of wackier, crackier, and darker things than that. If you don’t take yourself too seriously, I highly recommend many of their big HP works, though I imagine it’ll press some people’s buttons. Colubrina’s work really does take up a corner of my mind whenever I’m in an HP mood, and will take up yours if you let it.
☆ all waiting is long, by shuofthewind on AO3, 149k ( @shu-of-the-wind on tumblr)
This is so well written that I can’t stop thinking about it. It is occupying my mind when I lie awake at night, you know? It’s one of those. Hermione messes with something she probably shouldn’t have in Grimmauld Place, so when Sirius is sent through the Veil in the Department of Mysteries, she gets thrust into an alternate universe...in 1975. Instead of handwaving it away, shuofthewind actually gets into the mechanics of it in a way that makes sense, to emphasize that hermione is never going home. ever. The world she finds herself is shifted slightly to the left, quite a bit darker, but in a “the author is treating the idea of a society-wide conflict over blood purity much more seriously than JKR ever did” way, not a sensationalist way. Now, Hermione has to grapple with all her grief at losing everyone she’s ever loved or known, the moral/ethical/magical implications of sharing what she knows about her future in an alternate world, and, you know, a goddamn war with people who want to murder her for being who she is. This Hermione is smart, and she’s kind, and she’s powerful, and she’s making real friends. If you hate JKR’s guts I’d go read this right now, because it delivers in all the ways she failed us. It’s plotty, its got great world-building, and it pulls back the white curtain on the wizarding world to show you that, like real life, it’s multicultural and full of queer people...and the discrimination that comes with both.
shuofthewind write epics, mainly for the MCU, and I’ve read some of them a looooong time ago, so this fic kinda seemed out of left field for me but im SOOOO GLAD it exists. If you want MCU fic you can sink your teeth into, go for it, but alas, they do not have any more HP fic (.......yet?)
Speak Now [+] Listen Now, by mrsfrizzle on AO3, 33k altogether
Harry reaches out to Remus for support because Umbridge is getting to him with her literal torture. Remus, being a former professor, former mandatory reporter, person who loves Harry and has since he was born, and all around good man, tells Harry he has to tell someone, or Remus will. It’s everything any adult looking back on that time in HP canon ever wanted, which is for an actual adult to say “what the fuck, those are literal chidlren” and then do something about it. Then, a far more dangerous task: Harry trusts Remus enough to go to him about the Dursleys. Harry and Remus’ relationship develops SO WELL, and there’s a bit of exploration about how Sirius may not exactly be guardian material, because he did in fact spend 12 years of his life getting tortured instead of growing up. I think I’m actually going to go reread this right now, because it speaks to my id.
they do have some other HP fic which did not appeal to my hyperspecific wants, but may appeal to some of yours. I think they’re also a published author, there should be a link on their profile page.
chase the stars, by Duskglass on AO3, 101k (@felix-duskglass on tumblr)
When Harry is five years old, a picture of him ends up in the Daily Prophet, and Sirius Black, Terror of Ministry Officials Touring Azkaban everywhere, gets a hold of that issue. He then, in order: breaks out of Azkaban; crosses the countryside to Surrey; Finds Harry: Kidnaps Harry; Breaks Into Remus’ Apartment; starts processing (or maybe just acknowledging) his trauma from Azkaban, the war, and his childhood; and pines after Remus. It’s a little plotty, and deals a lot (sometimes through flashbacks) with the specific awful things that happened to Sirius—largely because, after years in the constant presence of Dementors, those are nearly literally the only memories he has left. It’s a wonder he’s got the strength to love Harry and Remus at all. But then, maybe it isn’t.
This is a Very Serious Fic, but the rest of Duskglass’s HP work is actually just cracky enough to tickle your funny-bone, while still making you think “okay but why couldn’t we have done that in the first place.”
So! That’s it for recs, for now. These are all things I’ve found and read in the last month; if any of y’all are interested in my old HP recs, let me know and I can make a post for that, too. While I’m still very conflicted about my choice of current fandom, I am not in ANY way conflicted about my taste in fic and authors. Send these guys some love, read their fic if you’re so inclined, and leave some nice comments at the end of it.
#harry potter#hp#fic recs#hp fic#to the authors: if for some reason you don't want to be on this list#let me know and i'll be happy to take your part down#tho i'm hoping you're fine with it because i want other people to read this stuff#and then cry about it with me#harry potter fic#harry potter fic recs
64 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi there!! are there any fics you’re reading right now that you would recommend? i need something good after the season we’ve been given so far 😣
hello there!
I agree, this season has been disappointing - especially considering it’s the last one. but thankfully, our fandom is full of amazing writers that serve us goods regularly. I have so much to recommend, it’s a joke. so prepare for a long fic rec. In no particular order, let’s begin:
1. Chasin’ You - @burninghoneyatdusk
okay. you’re gonna see a bit of a theme with me in these fic recs because the authors I mention are some of my favourites in the world - sam being one of the TOP TIER ones. this fic is a modern au, written about clarke and bellamy as exes (a favourite trope of mine) that have went their separate ways. clarke has moved away and hasn’t kept tabs on bellamy but he's soared to the top as a country star, his hit single being about her and what they had. if there’s any fic from this list you need to start reading, it’s this one.
2. Voices in the Water - @burninghoneyatdusk
It’s the canon version we all wanted. set on earth, clarke’s aunt (nia) forces her into an arranged marriage with king bellamy to unite the clans. but under it all, nia has tasked her to kill him. obviously, as clarke falls in love with bellamy, it’s the one task wanheda probably can’t complete. I'm in love with the imagery and descriptions in this fic. there are honestly some lines that sam writes that I want to frame and put up in my house. absolute brilliance.
3. All Because of You - @burninghoneyatdusk
*sheepishly raises hand* - hi, it’s me again, fangirling over another one of sam’s fics. if you have followed me for a while, either here or on twitter, you’ll have seen me screaming about this fic. I've pulled over while driving to read an update that came through to my email. no lie. I don’t say this lightly but it is definitely in my top 3 favourite bellarke fics of all time. sam DELIVERS with this one. bellamy knocks up his sister’s best friend when they’re both young and they grow together in raising their daughter. this fic flashes between present and future in the most seamless way and we see how in love they were back then but too scared to admit it, combined with how in love they are now that they are mature and older - but yet can’t seem to take the leap. I can’t tell you enough how good this fic is. I'm in love and it’s one of those fics that I would happily have as a book on my bookshelf, the pages worn and falling out from the amount of times that I re-read it.
*I just want to note that sam is doing a fantastic job at running @bellarkefic-for-blm. This is an opportunity for the bellarke community to directly support the Black Lives Matter cause through reading and writing fanfiction. For every fanfiction prompt a participating writer receives, they ask that you donate to an organization that supports the BLM cause. This initiative includes non-bellarke the 100 ships and requests for other content (e.g. gif sets, icons, moodboards, fanart). please check them out and request a prompt (this also includes updates for the above mentioned fics)*
4. Count Your Teeth - @icantloseyou-too
let me tell you, you guys will be well fed after reading this fic. It’s one of the most original idea’s and we get so much bellarke and the blake siblings in this one. bellamy is a treasure hunter and married to clarke, after leaving his thieving days behind him. that is until his past comes knocking and drags him back into that world again - and clarke along with him. absolute chefs kiss!
5. Cups and Sorcerers - @icantloseyou-too
again, such a unique plot with just the right amount of fluff. clarke is a witch who owns a coffee shop and she ends up meeting someone just as unique as her. I’m invested in this to an embarrassing degree and it always puts me in a good mood when this fic is updated. such a light and heart filling read and ciara does a fantastic job of world building in this fic.
6. Paint me in Trust - @pawprinterfanfic
I'm sure this fic needs no introduction. everyone and their mother has heard of it and if you haven’t read it yet, believe me, you’re missing out. a harry potter au that runs alongside the last few movies without being involved with the main characters. essie manages to make an already existing world so different, thrilling and gripping. it emotionally upends you and takes you along for the ride without any intention of letting you off. I'm just in love with it and rightly so!
7. When the Wolves Come Home - @pawprinterfanfic
I don’t know how people aren’t RAVING about this fic more because I certainly am. it’s massive for me to even say this because I love all of essie’s work but it’s my favourite fic that she’s written. I can’t describe the feeling I get when I read how she’s written bellarke in this. it’s a percy jackson au but you don’t need to have knowledge of that world to enjoy this. I actually started reading the books because of this fic. essie writes it so well and incorporates a lot of fantastic elements from greek mythology while also keeping me on the edge of my seat with bellarke’s journey. HERE FOR IT ALL THE WAY.
8. I’ll Find You in the Morning Sun - @cominguproses13x
I’ve never seen a fic talked about as much as this one. with 60 chapters, it’s bound to satisfy any hunger you have for bellarke. it’s set in a post apocalyptic world and it is beyond a shadow of a doubt, my favourite setting to read bellarke in. I've actually stopped reading this fic on chapter 5 because im currently writing my own post apocalyptic au as it was a trope on my bingo card and I don’t want any subconscious spill over, but I fully intend on reading the rest of the fic in one go once my fic is published and done. it deserves all the praise and hype.
9. For Blue Skies - @kombellarke
kayla’s fics make me actually weep. her writing style is just unbelievable and she sucks me into stories so fast. this one is no different. I live and breathe for bellarke as exes and this fic is one of my favourites. it’s a modern au with clarke as a mother and she cascades back into bellamy’s life without warning. perfect angst and anticipation. in love.
10. Love Like Fools - @talistheintrovert
the way I love talis with my whole heart. I'm always obsessed with her fics and the way this one was written was just magnificent. enemies to friends to lovers, roommates, angst, emotional comforting? SIGN ME UP. the perfect mix of all of those and I felt so good after reading this. always a fan.
11. It Had To Be You - @useyourtelescope
I had the honour of pre-reading some of this fic before it was published and I felt so privileged. a regency au with a prank war sprinkled in? perfection. hana honestly writes this so beautifully and I can’t recommend this enough. it’s so unique and we are all so incredibly lucky that there’s something in the bellarke fic world for everyone.
12. Veni, Vidi, Vinci - @carrieeve
Again, proof of the pudding that there’s something in fic for everyone. I’ve never read one like this before and it THRILLED me. murphy and bellamy working together to steal a Vinci? it was the fic I never knew I needed. the bellarke interaction in this was beautifully written and I am just completely obsessed. we really struck gold with the bellarke big bang works this year.
13. A Twist of Fate - @queenemori
let’s be honest, soulmate au’s are always wanted and needed in this fandom and kara does an excellent job of serving us this one. we got some team cockroach in here along with some top tier quality bellarke. what more could you ask for? if you haven’t read this fic yet, you need to. so thankful for kara being the absolute gifted babe that she is.
14. Power Over Me - @sparklyfairymira
okay, if you recently watched the witcher on netflix like I did, believe me, you NEED to read this fic. if you haven’t watched the witcher, this fic will make you want to watch it. the smut in this, the plot, the WRITING. absolutely phenomenal. have I mentioned how lucky we are to have such fantastic writers in this fandom?
15. There’s a Serpent Lying Deep Down in These Still Waters - @shaeheda
post apocalyptic au? SIGN ME UP. bellarke thrown together in unkind circumstances? SIGN ME UP. this magnificent human writing a fic? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. I'm so in love with this fic already and I haven’t even finished it yet. as I've said, I've stopped reading fics in this genre until my own is completed but I’ve read enough to tell you that this needs to be on your next to read list. forever in awe of the talent here and this fic makes me feel so lucky to be part of something so great.
I hope this satisfies you for a while and that you enjoy all the bellarkey goodness that comes from these fics. I'm gonna drop some of mine below because why not? just in case you’re in need of something more.
1. I Found Peace in Your Violence
clarke griffin has it all. she’s popular, an artistic prodigy and has a wealthy family to boot. so when her perfect world comes crashing down around her, it’s time to sink or swim. she tests positive for the Homicidal Tendency Syndrome gene, also known as the kill gene. clarke is plucked from her comfortable life and placed into a school with people just like her - carriers, delinquents. when she meets bellamy blake there, he looks like everything they say HTS carriers are. a monster, a criminal. yet, he’s the one who protects her.
2. I Am Lost This Time
a void!bellamy fic that we all deserved to have happen in canon. an au where bellamy hears clarke’s radio calls from earth, sees her memories in m-cap and where she really is the key: the one that unlocks his memories and brings him back to her.
3. Purple, Blue, Orange, Red
bellarke are childhood friends and teenage lovers, reuniting in the midst of the same grief that tore them apart.
4. Devil Side
post apocalyptic setting and my favourite fic to have ever written. both of them coming together to survive and protect those in their family, including two small children. bellarke started out as strangers, who would have thought that they’d end up co-parenting in the middle of a world that is too dangerous to survive out in the open?
5. Waste It on Me
a soulmate/reincarnation au that I wrote based off my own breakup and feelings. probably my most popular fic and should keep you going in terms of bellarke feels.
#bellarke#the 100#bellarke fanfiction#bellarke fic rec#fic recommendations#jensfic#eyessharpweaponshot#wonderful writers#wonderful fics
294 notes
·
View notes
Text
So I can’t stop thinking about Bobby killing his own father at like 12 and burying his body in the back yard and the implications of him chasing off John with a gun when Sam and dean were young cause spn never followed up of that because why would they.
But anyways I was thinking about that and about young dean who would do anything to protect Sam and refuses to say a word against a father who most definitely hits him and what would happen if we made John just a little bit more unstable. Sam just a little weirder. But leave dean the same.
What happens when Sam’s psychic powers start themselves earlier. Say he’s 8 years old and sometimes when John is out for a couple weeks and he gets angry or hungry or just frustrated and dean can’t calm him down the lights start to flicker and the shelves start to rattle. Or how sometimes he’ll wake dean screaming babbling about things he shouldn’t know about yet. And it scares dean ofc it scares him. He’s only 12 but he already knows he can’t tell John, knows he wouldn’t take it well and he can’t pinpoint why but he’s so so afraid of what would happen if he finds out, he tries to tell himself that John loves Sammy, that he wouldn’t hurt him, but he doesn’t quit believe it, can’t quite convince himself of a lie that big.
Anyways let’s say that’s been going on for a year or two at this point. And dean has been doing his best to keep it from John. There’s been a couple of close calls but they’re still in the clear. Maybe John is getting a little suspicious maybe not but then dean fucks up and John leaves him at sonnys (Listen I know the wiki says dean was 16 at this point but Sam was definitely not 12 in that flashback and the script says Sam is 9 so I’m going with that) and all of the sudden Sam is alone with John for the longest time since he was little little, since before he started coming into his powers. Let’s be real here John has no idea what to do with Sam on his own for 2 months, he fucks up and Sam is a stubborn shit and they’re so similar that Sam gets angry and shit happens. Maybe the lights flicker or maybe johns glass of whiskey gets knocked over, just enough for John to snap out of his rage, just enough for John to get suspicious but not too big that he can’t brush it off as something he imagined. But still the door has been opened.
Fast forward a couple months, dean is back from sonny’s and things are still tense and dean is so so afraid of being sent away again, of leaving Sam with John, when John comes back from a hunt shaken, dean can instantly tell that something wrong, he won’t stop glancing at Sam when he thinks dean isn’t looking, there’s something in his gaze that dean doesn’t like. Deans on edge for a couple days but John never says anything, even if he does act a little shifty, but the day Mary died is coming up so dean jsut brushes it off as grief, tells himself they just have to make it through the next week and then things will be fine.
But things aren’t fine.
John had finally managed to pin down a demon long enough to get some answers. The demon tells him that Sam is corrupted, that Mary made a deal for access to Sam and that Sam is theirs, destined for greatness he can’t even imagine, that this is the reason that Mary is dead. And John tries to deny it, tries to tell himself its nonsense, that the demon is lying to try and get in his head, but then he remembers what happened when dean was gone, and all these little incidents over the past two years that he’s been brushing off start clicking together, and he knows the demon is telling the truth.
The demon escapes and John goes back to the motel they’re staying in. He can’t stop looking at Sam, trying to see the evil that’s coursing through his veins. Sam is the reason Mary is dead. The thought keeps building and building in his head, he can’t stop thinking about it. And then all of the sudden it’s the day Mary died and things come to a head.
The day starts as it always does it’s not even noon and John is already at the bar, drinking and thinking about Sam and the demon and his beautiful Mary burning to death over his head. Dean is sitting with Sam back at the motel trying to keep him entertained, on high alert making sure to listen for when John gets back because dean knows there’s a couple different ways this day could go and he has to be ready. Last year was a bad one but maybe this year will be different.
It’s midnight by the time John staggers back from the bar, sams all tucked in bed asleep but dean is still up keeping vigil, a gun on the bed next to him. Dean doesn’t know what it is exactly, maybe it’s the way John turns the key or the cadence of his footsteps but dean knows that it’s going to be a bad one again, that John is angry angry angry and he’s going to have to do his best to calm him down before he wakes Sammy. Kid can sleep through almost anything so if dean can get John asleep and calmed down fast enough he’ll never have to know. Dean doesn’t want Sammy to ever have to see John like this.
Except when John falls through the door there’s something different about him, something that wasn’t there last year or the year before that. Dean quietly tucks his gun under the pillow next to him and goes to help his dad to a chair. Dean manages to get John situated and goes to get him a glass of water, but John hasn’t even glanced at him, won’t stop glaring at where Sammy is hidden under the blankets.
and then quicker than dean can react, way faster than a man as drunk as john should be able to move, he’s up and marching towards sam. Dean doesn’t know what going on but dean knows that whatevers about to happen isn’t good, so he does what he always does, and puts himself between john and sam. John staggers to a stop, and roughly motions for dean to get out of the way, but he doesn’t move. And if john was angry before it has nothing on how he is now, he is RAGING. He starts yelling, telling dean to get the fuck out of the way, to let him at the little beast that stole his mary away from him. And dean is in shock, asking john what hes talking about, desperately trying to calm him down, your drunk dad, please please, what are you talking about, lets sit down and talk about this. But john won’t be calmed, you think i didn’t know?? you think anything happens in this family i don’t know about?? and dean is like what dad what are you talking about, he’s trying so hard not to cry rn, and john is like, i know what sam’s done, i know what he can do, and i have to stop him before he hurts anyone else, and then all of the sudden john is puling out a knife and hes shoving dean to the floor, saying im sorry dean but it has to be done, hes evil and someone has to pay for what happened to mary.
and then theres a loud bang, and john falls to the ground, bleeding out from a gut shot. and dean is looking down in shock at the gun in his hands, he’s shaking. He doesn’t remember reaching for the gun, doesn’t remember pulling the trigger. but john is wheezing and bleeding out on the floor so it must have been him.
Everything’s a little fuzzy and hes not sure if this is really happening but then sam is crying and dean is on autopilot. He gathers him up in his arms (dean can barely carry him at this point hes getting so big) presses sams face into his neck so he can’t see where john is lying on the floor and walks him out of the room to the impala. The motel is shittier than usual and there was a silencer on the gun so dean is pretty sure no one is going to come looking anytime soon, dean is an expert at knowing what places won’t ask questions, but he knows they cant stay there. Dean shushes sam, tells him to stay put and walks back to the room.
In the interim john has managed to pull himself upright into a seated position, pressed up against the wall with a hand against where he’s bleeding out. Despite everything john is still angry, he can’t yell but dean flinches anyways when john starts cussing him out, telling dean that he expected more of him, that he didn’t raise him like this, that they need to get revenge for mary and that sam isn’t human, is something that needs to be put down. And dean makes a choice.
The gun is sitting on the bedspread where he dropped it when he grabbed sam. He may have reacted on instinct when he first shot john, did it without even thinking. But this is different. John has been telling dean his entire life that he has to protect sam, that nothing is more important. And so dean does what he needs to do. And shoots john point blank in the head.
Everything is a blur after that, when he think back to it he can’t quite pinpoint how he got from the room to the impala to out on the road but hes a good little soldier so he knows what to do even when running on autopilot. He strips the room, gathers up all their things and cleans up as much evidence of who they are as he can. Does his best to keep from looking at where john is slumped against the wall.
Dean doesn’t remember the walk back out to the car, doesn’t remember telling sammy to be quiet or even making the choice to drive. The next thing he knows he’s is pulling up in front of bobby’s house, staggering to the door with a passed out sam in his arms. It isn’t until bobby opens the door and hands him sam that dean finally gives in to the exhaustion and the stress and the shock and passes out.
#dean winchester#Sam Winchester#supernatural#bobby singer#john winchester#tw abuse#tw murder#may or may not attempt to write this into a full fledged fic#yes i think dean should get the chance to shoot john but i also think that it would shatter him#tw child abuse#i really think this is the only way dean would ever kill John#maybe not this exact situation but I do believe he could never do it for himself#he would have to do it in defense of someone else and it would still break him#spn
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
chasing euphoria | jeon jungkook
genre : angst, smut
parts : 2/2, (part 1)
pairing : jungkook x reader
synopsis : you didn’t see it coming when jungkook confessed that he likes you. how can you expected that coming when he is the person that your best friend is in love with? no matter what happens; you can’t be in love with him so it ends with rejection from you to him. but why does some kind of spark starts to twinkle in your heart, especially when he is no longer making his way, to you?
side note : this short fics didnt turn out like i want because my mind stucked but i gotta finish it or i will forget about its existence lmaoo. i wanted it to be a heavy smut but turns out to be some kind of failed angst and only a lil smut. i hope you enjoy this jungkook fic and im gonna work harder in my upcoming fics uwu love u guys
words count : 4875 words
✻ Fanfics Archive ✻
Few days have passed already. Nothing has changed particularly except the fact that you have become a complete stranger to him. Everything is only business—like from the first time. For some reason, you can’t blame him for keep the distance between both of you—no matter how professional he is. If you were him, you sure don’t want to see that person who already made it clear—that they don’t want you.
You’re not blaming him.
You are not sure what state are you in right now. There will be time—where you would find yourself scrolling through the old messages between you and him at night before you can feel your heart clenches a lot for no reason. You would bury your face on the pillow and it left with a small trail of tears on it.
You cried sometimes, it can’t be helped.
And the next moment—you find that you’re all good even the work required you to meet each other’s eyes and talk like nothing happened behind this work. You can stand like a confident woman even every time he looks at you—you see that woman, who changed his eyes.
It’s confusing sometimes.
You stare at the huge building in front you as you tighten the heels on your feet. Out of 365 days—why do they need to hold the college reunion at times like this where you don’t feel like going, at all?
You flinch for a second when you suddenly heard Chaeyoung calls your name as she comes closer to you—running giddily on her high heels, tighten her hands around his boyfriend before the couple stand in front you—with a huge smile plasters on her face.
Looking at Chaeyoung, you finally remember the conversation you had with her—that left you with so much questions and grief.
“Are you serious right now?” Chaeyoung laughed hysterically as she widen her eyes at you—probably not believing what you just said just now.
“Yeah,” you shrugged, resting your head on the headboard. She chuckled at your remarks.
“Jungkook is only a crush. Did you really think I plan to go any further with him just because I spent most of the time talking about him?” she shook her head, still laughing like crazy every time she remembered your dead serious face when you asked her about Jungkook.
“I don’t know. You were really into him back then. I was scared to even tell you about my work place,”
She scrunched her nose.
“Idiot. So what, if you work at the same place with him? Do I need to be jealous? Babe, I have a boyfriend,” she giggled, making you widen your eyes at her before you sit straight.
“You do?” you squeaked—that was the last thing you would expected from her, your shy and passive bestfriend. Damn. So, you have been worrying for nothing, haven’t you?
She nodded with a smile. Your mouth was opened slightly but nothing came as you have lost any words. What were you going to say anyway? Your wild dream where he is fucking you damn hard and rough?
“Do you like him?” Chaeyoung munched on the chip, cocking an eyebrow at you while squinting her eyes. There was an obvious suspicion in her voice as she looked at you with a smirk across her lips.
You almost choked on the coke—quickly wiping the residue in the corner of your lips before you brought your gaze to your best friend. Of course, she knew. You were a bad liar.
“No. I don’t. What do you mean?” a faint chuckle escaped your mouth. Chaeyoung scoffed.
“Whatever. I can’t blame you if you do. He is damn gorgeous and hot. How the hell you don’t go head over heels for him where you see him—almost everyday?”
You cracked a soft smile. For sure, Chaeyoung ain’t wrong.
Straightening the little velvet dress that have been wrapping your body, both of you and Chaeyoung go inside along with her boyfriend—you can’t help but reminiscing back all of the images from college days as those familiar faces start to squeal when they see you.
It’s definitely a reunion when you see Taehyung and Tzuyu—still head over heels with each other even so many years have passed. You roll your eyes when you see that tall guy would comes closer to her girlfriend and whispers some thing, making her giggles like a school girl.
Nayeon still looks the same—just as sassy and loud as she was before but the only difference is, she comes with her husband, Namjoon. There is an obvious spark on her face—staring at him like no one exists except for him. No longer that single hottest girl in the campus.
Talk about Seulgi—your sweet and shy nerdy desk mate finally becomes a fiancé to Jimin, one of the hottest athlete who used to hit on her like an annoying brat. You still remember how Seulgi always whine at you about the bratty Jimin but end up falling for him.
Life is weird, huh? No, love sure is weird.
“Oh my god! You look so good,” Irene looks at you from head to toe—wiggling her shoulder like she just saw a celebrity. You giggle a little at her sudden gesture which is making everyone to look at you. You receive a squeals from them before the party officially starts.
Everything is fine. You like the food—the musics they are playing—the conversation you between those ex-classmates, talking about future jobs and marriage—the way they bring you into the conversation, knowing how quiet you can be sometimes. You love the environment.
It definitely brings you back to good old days.
Part of you are excited to be in this circle but part of you seems like missing. It’s left empty—especially when everyone is here with a company, unlike you. You try to comprehend this weird feeling as you unintentionally space out in your own thoughts. What are you missing?
You lost in your thought until you hear the girls are squealing and screaming before you look up, bringing your curious gaze just to meet those deep eyes, again. You see him, standing there in black coat and skinny black jeans—showing off his broad shoulder and long legs. Both of you exchange eye contacts for few seconds before he looks away as the boys and girls hover all over him.
Your eyes twinkle at him before it disappear when you finally acknowledge that he doesn’t come alone. The same woman you saw few days ago—is there, looking just as ethereal as he is. Looking like they are perfect for each other, leaving you to feel small.
The same ache inside your chest, starts to throb again.
“Our student council everyone!” Taehyung wraps his arms around Jungkook’s shoulder as he gives some space for him and his girl. You sit across the table, trying to look busy with your untouched food. Chaeyoung glances at you with her raised eyebrow and lifted lips. She grins at you, knowing exactly what’s in your mind. She knows you don’t want to say anything about this so she chooses to keep quiet and let you in your own world.
Just like that—you spend the entire night, sitting there spacing out and playing with the untouched food that is making your appetite to die. You would glance at the short haired girl beside him—smiling and laughing along with them so well. Not to forget, the way Jungkook would pull her closer to his side—looking at her like his life depends on it without noticing, you are here, stealing few glances from afar.
It’s crazy painful for some reason. Not once, he brings his eyes to you—looking at you like he always does. You feel completely small over here, like your existence feels like an absence to him. It kills you inside to carry this unfamiliar pain inside your chest every time he smiles at her.
You wonder, when will this misery end? Why does your heart scream—for him?
**
“Drive safely,” you lower your body, looking at Chaeyoung and his boyfriend inside the car.
“Are you sure you don’t want us to drop you at home?” Mark frowns at you when you eagerly convinced them that you can go home by yourself even it’s already past 12 am. Chaeyoung pouts, you giggle at her drunk self.
“That’s fine. I can manage this. Bring her home safely,” you say as you take a few step backward from his car. Both of them finally agreed and the next second, the couple disappear from your sight which is leaving you alone in front the building. The place is still busy so you don’t mind spending some time to find a cab.
Your body sores a lot, the heels on your feet feels like a thorn. You don’t care about anything else because all you want to do is going home. Today is pretty tiring already.
You heave a sigh before you wait patiently at the side, to stupidly looking for any cabs or public buses Even for sure, it’s hard to find ones at this hours. The fact that you reject all the ride offers, amaze you. What the hell are you thinking?
“Hey,” a faint voice suddenly fills the quiet place, making you to look back before your heart thumps at the sight.
It’s Jungkook.
You steps aside, to give him some space. His sudden appearance makes your heart races—especially when he cracks a small smile at you.
“Are you waiting for cabs?” he adds, bringing his gaze at the road before he looks back at you. You nod, silently. Curling your lips, you look at him and smile.
“Why are you still here?” you ask him out of curiousity. Well, you are more curious to why he is here instead of being with his girlfriend
Jungkook hums.
“I know you always wait for a cab so I thought....of checking up on you,” he rubs his nape while chuckling at himself—making you to smile. Despite his masculine look, his shy side is interesting to you. They are very rare yet interesting whenever he decided to show them.
“I can send you home if you want,” he adds. You shake your head slowly.
“That’s fine. Thank you,”
He nods.
A short silence fills the space between you too before you open your mouth again.
“Why are you here instead of being with your girlfriend?” you whisper.
He looks up at you to find your eyes.
“She went home already,”
You frown a little at the answer before you nod silently. It’s a little weird for a boyfriend to let his girlfriend to go home by herself but you are not in that place to say anything about his personal life.
Silence again. Swear it kills you.
“Jungkook,” you call his name. He hums.
“I’m sorry if I’ve hurted you in some kind of way that I didn’t mean for it to be like that,” clenching the purse around your hands, you meet his eyes again. This time, no one looks away. It’s just you and him—everything is fading.
“You don’t need to apologize, you know that right?,” he smiles but why does it hurt you?
“I need to.” you stare at him.
“I want to understand why am I feeling this way for past few days. I mean...don’t you agree we are getting too distant from each other now?” there is a hint of pain your voice, trying to make him see your point.
You are hurting.
“I don’t want us to be that way,” you inhale some air.
“But, today, I think it’s better for us to stop seeing each other like we used to so...you can’t hurt me, I can’t hurt you and...we can’t hurt her,” you can feel your tears are pooling in your eyes before you shake your head, to make them go away. He still there, looking at you, can’t believe what just came out from your mouth.
Before he could say anything, a cab is passing by and you immediately wave at the driver to stop. Looking back at him, your heart breaks a lot.
Being with him is one of the moment that you would look forward the most every day—he makes you secure, he makes you share things with him, whom you never thought the person would be him. It’s crazy to see you cross path with the least expected human being in the world just to end that this way.
For real, he makes you want to be with him all the time. But, you can’t do that anymore.
You come closer to open the car door. before you comes inside, you look at him with a smile.
“The time we shared were great. Thank you,” you crack a smile even your heart is bleeding so much. You could cry anytime soon but you need to grip on yourself. Just a few seconds.
Nothing comes out from his mouth. Not sure if he has lost at words or else so you take it as an okay from him.
“Goodnight, Jungkook,” you say;pulling the car handle to close the door before he comes closer along with the darkened eyes and clenched jaw. He is flaming with anger all over his body.
Before you can say anything, he grabs your wrist and pull you out from the back seat, making you stumble on your heels as he brings you to somewhere far from the car. Your eyes widened at his sudden action.
“Jungkook! What the hell, stop!” you almost yell as you look at his stiffed back while he pulls you with so much intense. His jaw clenched, his eyes darkened, his voice—it is full of tension. He says nothing, tightening the grip around your wrist.
“Jungkook!” you call him again when the heels are clanking on the ground with so much rush, making you almost trip and break you ankle. Few seconds after, he stops and pushes you slightly against the cold wall along the alley before he traps you between his firm arms. You whimper at the coldness on your back.
“What are you trying to pull?” he grunts—looking straight to your eyes with fiery fire. Even under such dim lights, you can see his eyes gleaming with anger—so much anger which is keeping your feet static on the ground. His face is only few inches apart for yours, making his hot and minty breath brushing your skin slightly.
“W-what do you mean?” you squeak—looking back to his eyes even deep inside, world knows how dangerous can they be. Your legs become wobbly when he makes the gap between you and him disappear as he comes closer.
“Why are you telling me goodbyes even you feel like crying?” he groans.
You are taken aback at his words. How the hell he sees that?
“Why do you drive me this crazy?” nails clawed on the wall, he pulls away from you as he runs both of his hands through his long hair, looking frustrated as ever. It leaves you confused. What makes him changed this much? Why does he look like a beast. A sexy beast.
but The only question is why is your core pooling and wetting the panty when you see those eyes and hear that raspy grunts from him?
“Let me go. I want to go home,” gaining your strength to stand properly, you glare at him just to find his burning eyes again. You can clearly see the veins along his jaw and neck—leaving you breathless.
“Why are you such in denial? I don’t understand,”
“What are you trying to say, Jungkook?! I’m confused. Can you just say what you want and let me go?” you voice screeches a few octave when you no longer can hold the sudden pissed off in yourself.
“Do you love me?” he whispers.
Silence. Intense eye contacts.
“No, I don’t. Can I go now?” God know how bitter it sounds like in your throat when you say those poisonous words. How the hell your mouth says no but your heart says the otherwise? He heaves a sigh, coming closer to you, faces few inches apart.
He stares at you. They have changed. His eyes. No more fire—no more anger. Just pearls and..love. Your heart is thumping hard like it’s going to burst anytime.
“Say that again,” he stops, taking some time to calm himself.
“Say that again and I will let you go. Say that before we stop looking at each other again,” his voice becomes lower like he is hiding a pain behind that. There is silence between you two as you stare into his eyes, trying to contain this pain inside your chest.
His eyes—they always speak louder than anything and seeing those, make your heart feels nothing but ache.
A small trails of tears start to stream down to your cheeks, to your chins before it drops, wetting your dress. You can’t look at him on the eyes anymore so you look to your feet while sobbing softly. You’re not sure how you look like right now but definitely a mess.
“I can’t do it,” you cry. The small alley is filled with your sobbing as there is no reaction from him.
The next second, he lifts your chin before you meet his eyes again. You look at him with a teary eyes before he comes closer.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispers. You nod.
Just like that, he crashes his lips against your mouth with so much force, sealing every part of his lips with yours—not leaving any space untouched. Taking a piece of clothes on his chest, you pull him closer to you, making him to bring his hand on your jaw.
He grunts in the kiss—licking your lower lip to give him the access before you open your mouth just for him to hover them with his tongue. You know he can taste the salty water from your eyes.
You haven’t had such a sweet kiss. Every part of his mouth, tastes damn sweet.
Sucking on your mouth for the last time, he pulls away from the kiss as both of you pants for air like crazy.
“Damn it, I want you so bad,” he whispers.
**
“Ah!” you whimper as Jungkook crashes his lips along you neck with his hands travelling on your exposed thigh. He presses you against his marble wall before finding your mouth for hundred times, kissing them deeply.
A small yelp escapes you lips when he palms your soaking core—the thin fabric of the panty do no justice to his warm and slender fingers, that are rubbing your clothed clit. You moan to the air.
“Wet as hell,” he grunts, looking down at his fingers while grabbing your hips to support you against the wall. You spread you legs wider, making him chuckle out of joy.
“Impatient, huh?” he whispers as he hovers your mouth for the last time before bringing his hands to the hem of your mini dress. The next second, the sound of ripping fills the room as he rips your dress , leaving you only with bra and panty. Your eyes widened.
“I just bought it!” you whine at him only to receive a boyish chuckle from him as he looks straight to your soul.
“I can buy you a new one,” he whispers—rubbing your wet clit with his fingers and trailing a sloppy kiss along your neck—causing you to moan out loud. You throw your head when he quickened the fingers pace, twirling them to torture you even more.
“Ah! Jungkook!” you moan, grabbing both of his shoulders for support before he unclasp your bra. Grabbing your hips, he lifts you up against the wall, wrapping your legs around his waist.
“Why are you so wet when you don’t even love me?” he groans on your neck, biting and licking them to bring you to another universe. Your vision and mind seem like it’s leaving your system when you can feel nothing but his touch.
He pulls his fingers away from your clit, making you whimper at the sudden missing touch. Then, with one gesture, he unbuckles the belt and pull down the pants, causing the huge throbbing buldge under the boxer to touch your inner thigh. Along with that, he pulls your panty—showing the soaking wet pussy to his sight.
Another moan and faint grunt fills the room. You look down at him and find his darkened gaze. His gritted teeth, clenched jaw. How the hell this sweet man turns out to be this aggresively sexy beast? Your core is throbbing a lot at the sight. Slowly, he rubs his clothed bulge on your pussy while keeping the eye contact with you—not leaving your eyes while he abuse the pussy.
Mouth opened, you moan while staring at him. Both of you pant hard, chest pounding against each other as he quickened the pace—causing you to grip on his shoulders, even tighter. Your body bounce, synchronizing with his pace.
“Did....you do this with her?” a faint voice escapes your lips along with the endless moans. He groans while clenching his jaws. Moans and moans.
“Do you want me to?” he asks you back before tugging on your hardened nipple with his teeth—making you to lose your mind immediately. You’re sure he can feel the dripping juice on the tip of his head as you almost find the climax at the intense rubbing.
You don’t answer him as you throw your head and moans like a weak kitten. His twirls his tongue on your bud—kissing and sucking it while rubbing your pussy with his member.
“Answer me,” he slaps your ass, making you yelp.
“N-no,”
“Why?”
You bite your lower lip to refrain yourself from moaning even more. You’re so close to your orgasm before he suddenly stops. Opening your eyes, you see his throbbing cock—raw and hard. Before you could say anything, he pounds inside you—grabbing your hips to come closer to him.
“Ahhh!” you scream out of pleasure at the sudden contact as he starts to move without letting you to adjust to his size. He thrusts slowly before pulling them out, to make you whine again and again. He smiles before slamming into you again, burying his cock into your pussy as he starts pounding back and forth.
You moan out loud at his cock stretching inside you—your body bounce against the wall while wrapping your legs around his waist to ease the tension. The slapping sound fills the space, like it is a background music both for you and him.
You meet his eyes and just like before, his eyes never left yours.
“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes on your collarbone, clenching his jaw as he pounds your pussy. You feel the butterflies at his words. His eyes—speak thousand love and adoration. Only for you.
“You don’t know how I want to fuck you this way,” he whispers—causing your butterflies go wild in your stomach.
“Do you love her?” closing your eyes shut, you whisper.
“I don’t,” he says. Not sure why but your heart feels like it got lifted.
“Do you still love me?” you moan at him—he smiles and quickened the pace. Oh god. It’s so fucking good.
“I fucking love you, so much,” he groans.
“I love every part of you. You don’t understand,” both of you moan when he find the sweet spot in your pussy. Your breath hitched—finding some air.
Suddenly, he pulls out from you and let you stand on your feet before he tells you to bend down. Just as confused as you are, you bend down, gripping on the cabinet with both of your hands before he slams inside you again.
Your body arches.
“Let me love you,” he bends down to you and kiss your nape while his hands gropping on both of your hips, forcing you to move along with the thrust. You whimper, biting your lower at the pleasure he is giving.
“Love me, then,” you say, peeking at him over your shoulder. He seemed speechless at your remarks before he slams into you again and again, abusing the pussy with his huge cock as he rubs your clit.
You moan his name. Both of you almost losing breath as you can feel the knot in your lower stomach, almost reaching the climax.
With the remained strength, you move your hips back and forth, causing his tip to abuse your walls again and again.
“Oh fuck. Baby, you feel so damn good,” he curses, looking at his dick pumping you while clenching his jaws. You hum and moan, peeking at him while moving rapidly.
“Jungkook...I’m coming,” you whimper. He kisses your nape.
“Do it for me. Cum for me,” his sweet raspy voice growls across his house—making you squirm around him. He moans, so fucking hot and sexy.
“Jungkook...” you call him. He hums.
“I love you,” you moan before you release the juice, coating his cock with the white substances. A trails of scream escaping your mouth when the next second, he fills your pussy with his warm thick cum.
Your body becomes sensitive after he pulls out, making it to twitch and flinch. When your legs feel like it’s going to collapse, Jungkook lift you up and place you on his lap as he sits on the sofa.
You can hear his heart beat is racing, His chest is pounding as you lay your head on his chest—catching some air after the intense fuck. With you Tugging on his arms, he wraps his arms around your hips as he brings you closer to his chest.
“Eunha is my ex-girlfriend,” suddenly, he breaks the silence.
“Our relationship has ended a year ago and she suddenly comes back to me,” he lifts your chin, making you to look at him.
“I was heartbroken when I sent you home, that night,”
“It was crazy for me to move on when you don’t want me like I wanted you,” his eyes changed. There is a pain and sorrow—along with that voice.
“I thought, giving another chance to love her like I used to, would erase you from my mind but the more I look at her, the more I think of you,”
“So, rather than hurting her, I broke the relationship again,”
He stares at you like he is telling you how heart broken he was. Just like you. His bright eyes, his pouty lips, his charming smile—you didn’t know you have been missing him this much. Straddling on his laps, you bring your hands on his face.
You miss every part of him. The way he looks at you this way. The way he talks to you this way. You thought you have lost them all but when you see the familiar spark on his eyes—they are still there. Tears prick on your eyes.
“I’m sorry,” you bite your lower lip while rubbing your thumbs on his cheek, taking every part of his face into your sight.
You love this man. So much. Not sure when did it start but you know you love him when the thought of him not being yours—hurts you bad.
“I’m sorry for making us this way,” you squeak with tears falling down your cheeks. Brushing the hair from your face, he leans closer and sealing your his lips with yours. Every time he kissed you, you feel like you’re on the cloud nine. It feels like a dream. The way he moves his mouth on yours, you don’t want him to go.
“I thought we will be okay but why does it hurt me so much to see you with her”
You can feel your heart clenches at the thought.
“I love you. I love so much,” you sob when he pulls away from the kiss—staring at your messy face only few inches apart.
He chuckles. Rubbing his thumb across you cheeks before he pecks your nose.
“I know that,”
“I love you too,” he whispers. Your tears flow even more as you wrap your arms his neck and cry on his shoulder. He chuckles as he let you to calm down, letting go the pain in your chest for a while. He secures your waist around his arms, bringing you closer to his embrace.
When you finally calmed down, he looks at you with a grin.
“So...” he bites his lower lip.
“Are you mine?”
You giggle, scrunching your nose at him.
Jungkook grins, bringing his face closer to yours as he speaks,
“Tell me,” he chuckles. With that, you nod with a smile.
“Yes, Mr. Jeon,”
He laughs before he takes your face in his hand as he hovers your mouth for millionth times with the other hand, grabbing your hips to grind on his hardened cock, again.
You squeal—completely ready to give your all to him.
i think im failed at this one but whatever, check out my other smuts thirsty hoes *chef’s kiss*
#jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook smut#bts smut#taehyung#namjoon#suga#yoongi#hoseok#j-hope#seokjin#jimin#bts imagines#smut#kpop imagines#2020
238 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
heyitsyn
♡ ᴠʙᴄ ᴍᴀɴᴀɢᴇʀ ♡
fortunefavours-a
i talk to god, but the sky is empty
artandfail
Look at this Art!
deeptimesjournal
Deep Times Journal Youth Edition