#god gave us transness
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god gave us transness
God gave us day and night, but that doesn’t erase dawn and dusk
God gave us the ocean, filled with beasts and monsters and the division of land and water. This doesn’t erase the coral reefs and beaches that crawl between the edge of each.
God gave us man and man gave us woman, who is to say there isn't more that man can give us?
God gave us the fruits and beasts of the land, and we create exorbitant feasts and frivolous parties.
God gave us rain to quench our thirst and to feed our crops.
Yet these clouds cover the sun, does that mean God renounces the light?
The mere absence of one does mitigate its existence, as is the existence of the other doesn’t fault the one.
I’ve existed as a woman, living for years under another name and sharing the experiences of women.
There was no mistake.
God made me in their visage, a visage of abundant change and never-ending curiosity.
I swam to the other side, crossing the line between land and sea, embracing dusk and dawn, to see what else man had for me.
I tended to myself, as we have done to our crops.
God gave us seeds and rain to grow our feasts.
God gave me testosterone and needles to stroke the fire in my heart.
I studied every change, as my voice became scratchy and dropped, those first pangs of pain were a sign of a rising sun.
The world gave me a new name, from the plethora of written works and history that man has yielded.
I forged my own path until I lifted the quite literal weight off my chest.
There is more to God’s creations than just two things- the dew filled dawns, agate filled beaches, sweet rainbows in the sky.
I have never believed in a god.
But one that has created so many things, must have wanted us to create too
#god gave us transness#juliankjarboe#inspired by juliankjarboe's quote from#Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel#trans#queer poetry#gender poetry#writing#prose#transgram#own writing#noodleggio#spilled ink
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Thinking once again about Desperado Podcast and spiraling about side characters that have mentioned things that I think about constantly
#they gave us an angel that takes down others#people with insane powers and interesting magic systems#someone who created his own god#talias family and grandmother#who have snippets of an insanely rich backstory man id love to know more#literally details from all of the three main characters#all of what Samar was doing and going through throughout her life#and thinking about a storyline dedicated to her and her past and showing how she grew how she thinks who she was and teleportation#And her experience with transness too!!! and family#and also im thinking about the systems of magic and belief and how science and energy and how theres a huge plus and minus balancing act#hrng#it itches my brain#in a good way#desperado#desperado podcast
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that quote like “god gave us transness for the same reason he made grapes but not wine; yeast but no loaves — so we may partake in the divine act of creation”
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idk man i’m just thinking about against me! and transness, especially cause we’re coming up on ten fucking years of transgender dysphoria blues, on the 21st.
lyrics have been swimming in my head lately.
“what god doesnt give to you, you’ve got to go and get for yourself.”
“if i could’ve chosen, i would’ve been born a woman. my mother once told me she would’ve named me laura. i’d grow up to be strong and beautiful like her.”
“you wouldn’t think something like gender identity would complicate something like asking for some company.”
“she spent the last few years of her life running from the boy she used to be.”
“standing naked in front of that hotel bathroom mirror, in her dysphoria’s reflection, she still saw her mother’s son.”
“agitated states of amazement, never quite the woman that she wanted to be.”
“you want them to see you like they see every other girl, they just see a faggot, they hold their breath not to catch the sick.”
“chipped nail polish and a barbed wire dress. is your mother proud of your eyelashes? silicone chest, and collagen lips. how would you even recognize me?”
“no more troubled sleep, there’s a brave new world that’s raging inside of me.”
“all my life, wishing i was one of them. there will always be a difference between me and you.”
“what’s the best end you can hope for? pity fucks and table scraps?”
“all the young graves filled, don’t the best all burn out so bright and so fast?”
“sometimes at night, i pray to wake a different person in a different place.”
“i don’t want to hang around the graveyard, waiting for something dead to come back. i know you think you’ve got one up on me, that you can see something i can’t.”
“i wanna be so real, you can see the difference.”
“dig up your bones, early graves are not homes.”
“come on, shape shift with me! what’ve you got to lose? fuck it!”
“confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women’s clothes, compulsions you never knew the reasons to.”
“i’m sick of feeling like i’m losing my mind. sick of doing the same things most nights after night. sick of self loathing and self absorption, self destructive narcissism.”
some of these are directly referencing transness, some just alluding to it. some are just ones that i relate to as i’ve grown up struggling with my gender and sexuality and accepting my own transness and dealing with self harm and self destruction and relying too much on drugs.
finding myself buying baggies of coke and just stuffing them in my wallet while i walked downtown, feeling this immense guilt at the bottom of my stomach for essentially just wasting 25 dollars on a drug that wasn’t doing much for me besides making me feel like i was feeling something different than what my life was. getting scared shitless while in the line at the convenience store after picking up, seeing cops come into the store, and the small tied up bag filled with what was more baby powder than coke in my back pocket felt like the the heaviest and most obvious thing in the world.
and then i’d find myself on calls with my friends, with my camera turned off or pointing at the ceiling, suddenly muting my mic holding a cut up piece of a straw in my teeth as i crushed shit up with my library card from a city i wasn’t planning on living in again. just having them talk while i was racking baby lines, tilting my head back and rubbing it on my gums after. i was sniffling all the time. sometimes my nose would bleed when i would wake up. and i wasn’t even really feeling much; i didn’t know at the time that this would be because of having adhd and just basically spending money on overpriced shit that was just like taking an adderall, but it was a drug in front of me, that gave me the idea or the false hope of running away from my life during the short lived high.
“before you know it, here i am again, fucking 6 o’clock in the morning, rolled up dollar bill in my hand.”
“what the fuck are you cutting this with, anyway?”
“how low can you go before you can’t turn around?”
i don’t think that when i was 14 and getting into against me! that i would ever actually get to a point of fully relating to those lyrics. of running away from such a huge part of yourself or your problems, trying to fill the void with drugs that you’d plow through so quickly, faster than you thought you would every time.
the thing is, was that at this point, i had already started my transition. i was already “passing.” but i never got to the root of it. sure, i’m trans, but who am i? and i didn’t know how to answer that question. so i just pushed it away, pushed it under the rug.
“you can pray all night and day, but you’ll still wake up the same person in the same fucking place.”
against me! has been there for me for ten years. throughout so many transformations of myself, so much shape shifting, so much dysphoria, so many late nights wishing i was a different person in a different place.
i found solace in their lyrics. it gave me some small bit of hope, some realization that i didn’t know that i needed; that trans people always have been and always will be here, that being able to be trans and be alive is possible, and that i don’t have to be digging my own grave, spending late nights staring at the mirror and seeing the girl who i used to be.
against me! gave me the courage to be alive.
#this is ok to rb. u can tag w drugs if u need to.#c.txt#wow after typing this it feels corny and long winded#also like it should be a journal entry. should it? maybe. do i feel like my fellow am! mutuals could relate in some way? yeah#hi if y’all are reading this#just been thinking about against me a lot lately#against me!
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I've spent a lot of time being a bit confused by posts by trans people talking about being worried they're faking it and not really trans.
And yeah. I get you now.
I was doing some casual research to find out when the earliest date I could apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate is (depending on what level of evidence they ask for), and for some reason, I had the thought of "Oh god, you mean I can't change it back?"
I don't know where this thought came from. When I interrogate my own thought process, and ask at what point I would like to detransition, I don't have an answer for myself. There is no point where I think existing as I was would ever make me happier than living as the woman I can be. I suppose the finality of the certificate is what scares me a little, but isn't that the point? Isn't the whole point to try and close up all the legal loopholes someone might use to treat me as anything but female? And why should the finality of the thing scare me? My whole transition has been a series of finalities. I have already endured and bloomed under final, permanent changes to my body. I have already declared myself to the world. I know in my heart of hearts that I desperately want and need my surgery. It's been perhaps my deepest personal desire my entire life. I have been fucking diagnosed with the trans disease.
I shouldn't be shocked at the finality of any of this. And the fact that I am gave me a bit of a wobble. Like what if I'm not really trans? What if all these years have been just some silly mistake or not really me or self-delusion or just talking myself into something and what if I go through with all of this just to regret it?
Well, the alternative is going back to how I was, and I know I already regret that. I know I'm wrong when I suggest to myself that I'm not really trans. Because as much as I hate the way the NHS medicalises transness, they are treating me for gender dysphoria, and I grow more comfortable with what I see in the mirror every day. They boil transness down to gender dysphoria, and I certainly experience that, and embracing my womanhood makes me experience it a lot less. I know that non-trans people probably don't regularly and invariably picture having their intimate experiences with a different genre of genitalia.
Sometimes I have a moment of doubt, but by every metric I can think of, I am trans, and thus a woman.
#and honestly making myself a woman by accident doesnt seem so bad#trans#transgender#hrt#cw gender dysphoria#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia
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im very interested in your dnd oc Rhiam, i think its really cool and rarely done to have a trans character actually transition during the course of the game, was it always your intention for her to be trans or did this evolve naturally in the campaign? also i love her design especially the colour pallete with the earthy tones and rich blue accent colours <3
Hi! And thank you because ough I also love Rhiam so much even if (and because) she's my own character 🧡
Rhiam is one of those characters that just starts to live a life of its own, you know? I can plan things for her but some things just feel right or wrong. Because at the beginning I was thinking that "now for a change I'll make a dude character, just a regular humble lad". I think I even said something like that out loud to our DM haha, so it was not planned from the start.
What I did plan quite from the beginning was that Rhiam, coming from the huble countryside, was determined to start a new and less dull life in the city. She wanted to become a proper mage and actually do something with her magic. I think her original plan was to try to become a performer (though she noticed that performing magic tricks to strangers rather than your own siblings is slightly more daunting). So while I didn't know everything about her, I did know that she desired to be something else than a farmer boy. And I knew that she desired to have earrings and jewelry and beautiful outfits. Then at some point we thought with our DM that hmm maybe there's something else besides just not wanting to be a farmer, maybe she desires not to be a boy as well. But yeah, we have also tought that it's funky that it happened gradually and during game like this. I think we got to have conversations and themes we wouldn't have had if I had just made her trans from the start (not that there wouldn't have been anything wrong with that but yeah, this was interesting!) Especially since our group really likes to take time to dwell in little moments and details (for real, our average game session spans over a weekend and lasts mmm around 18-24h in total? with pauses of course) Her final transformation (heh) also happened in a neat transitioning phase as they are currently in a mountain pass between two countries.
Oh and speaking of transformation, I also gave Rhiam alter self spell that she used to try what it would be like to be a girl/woman. And since I have actually made short poems for her every verbal component spell, I used lines that referred to our D&D world's shapeshifting god of the forests Iija Iki-Mettä and asked aid from her. And eventually Iija invited Rhiam to her sacred pond and transed her gender more permanently than what Rhiam alone could do. So I'm now multiclassing her as druid. Another thing I said I wouldn't do since I wanted to try some other class than druid for a change. "This time I will do a man guy boy who is not a druid" I said. "Congrats lil buddy that's the worst anyone's ever done it" I say to myself now (and wouldn't have it any other way <3).
#thank you for enabling my rambling! Godd I love Rhiam gotta be one of my characters ever#and thanks for liking the design as well! I think she's very shaped#Though she still desires new sexier clothes#because Rhiam being Rhiam says that she wants to be a mage and everyone is like 'you are?????'#but Rhiam means a _slutty_ mage#idk why she just wants to be slutty and sexy and I'm about to try to enable that#c: Rhiam#ask#story: Heartland
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I feel like I keep changing the Vyrthaals' pronouns. The only consistent ones are:
(DISCLAIMER im high as fuck and kept forgetting the word for pronouns. I tried 2 make sure I didn't leave any mistakes in but oh my god I can barely form a coherent sentence rn)
Og! Vyr he/him and they/them. Prefers both equally. Would probably like some neopronouns tbh. Give Vyrthaal A Neopronoun!!
Mara! Vyr (the Caretaker): genuinely fine with any pronouns you want to use for her, but has a *tiny* preference for she/her (which started after Mara gave Vyr her Blessing and adopted her. Shoutout to Mara 4 transing a Vyrthaal's gender!)
Boethiah! Vyr (the Kingslayer): they/them only. Probably experiments with other pronouns when they hang out w/the Forsworn for a bit. (They do this after they help Madanach overthrow the jarl of Markarth and then helps forge an alliance with the Falmer and the Forsworn and leads them 2 overthrow Ulfric. Which is where they get their title of Kingslayer, bestowed on them by madanach :3 Lord Boethiah is Very unsure how they feel abt their kid making an Alliance w/Hircine on their own but they'd be a hypocrit to tell them not to do that). They'd try she/her, then he/him, then xe/xem, and then go back to they/them
Jay: she/her is what she uses when she's chillin' but uses he/him when in full Jyggalag Mode to intimidate the Princes into getting in line. Did u know they hate her so much except Peryite (kinda). Wait lmao I really did just give her personal and professional pronouns lmao--
The other Vyrthaals I either haven't explored very much OR I can't decide. All the Vyrs are pretty genderfluid tho. None of them r cis but neither r any of my ocs. I have so much vyrthaal wisdom in me tonight
#i'm miraak and you're watching disney channel#every time i get a Bit too hogh its vyrthaal time#Into the Vyrthaal-Verse#this timebi am WRITING DOWN all my vyrthaal thoughts.
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iwbft — tuesday: a brief summary of my annotations
all highlighted quotes: 136
· ouch/ow/owie: 12
· real/felt/relatable/so true: 5
· aroace: 2
· ☹/☹☹/☹☹☹: 9
Rowan is on his front, one arm slung over Jimmy's chest. Jimmy's head is tilted ever so slightly towards Rowan. — i've woken up like this with at least half my friends
The shipping itself isn't a major inconvenience to any of us. If anything, it keeps the fans interested. They think Judgement Day will eventually come and there'll be a big reveal that Rowan and I are secretly in love. There won't. We're not. — @larry shippers in the year of our lord 2023
It's always sort of been Rowan and Jimmy, plus Lister. We still love him of course. But that's just the way it is. — PAIN (note: this is all caps, huge, and triple underlined)
'I talk about The Ark all the time. I don't know why this was a surprise.' 'Fereshteh, it was a little bit of a surprise to me too.' 'Why?' 'I suppose... I suppose I never thought you actually cared about this band that much.' — parents vs actually listening to and validating their interests (failed, always)
Juliet chuckles weakly and looks away. I know she's had some bust-ups with her parents in the past. — understatement of the millennium
I'm an optimist. I like to believe that love exists. — it Does it just isn't always romantic/sexual. but it exists So Much
'I feel bad... feeling so happy when they're probably upset,' — ur so close to getting it queen
'Can't we just go home?' Lister mumbles. 'No,' she says. — foreshadowing innit
Rowan and I follow him immediately, like there's a string attaching us — ... invisible string addition to the folklore trilogy?
Lister tells us to go away, but Rowan just walks up to him and starts rubbing his back as he throws up. — ♡ listerowan bestieism
There's a big window on one side of the bathroom. Big enough to climb out, probably. We're on the ground floor. We could just climb out and run. Get up and go. — FORESHADOWING INNIT
Being trans has been a pretty you can big part of my life so far, thanks, but that shouldn't be particularly relevant here, in an interview about our music. — u can Never escape other ppl's obsession w ur transness
Dave laughs and says again, 'Now that's honesty.' — FUCK YOU DAVE (note: this is all caps, huge, and quadruple underlined)
I ask God to give me a bit of extra patience. Because every time Mac speaks, I sort of want to put an entire bag of cotton wool in his mouth. — what God is for x
Being a male fan of obscure old bands is, for some reason, more acceptable than being a female fan of a twenty-first-century boy band. — (also the obscure old bands are rarely that obscure. they're one direction for old white men)
They know exactly who they are. They put it in their blog about' page, they put it in their Twitter bio. I never know what to put in my Twitter bio so I usually just put an Ark lyric in there. — and when u enter ur confident aro-ace era? what then?
I like to think God does have a plan for everyone. But I also think there's too much shit in the world for all these plans to be perfect ones. Or maybe God doesn't have time to write a plan for everyone. And some of us are just trying our best and getting it a bit wrong. — i think this is why faith doesnt work for me
Everything's still there, though. My journals, my guitar, my main laptop, my childhood teddy bear, and the knife that Grandad gave me when I was sixteen. — now i want to know what he would admit to in one of them essentials interviews
It'd be useless as an actual weapon, since it's completely blunt - you can run your finger along the edge and not even get a scratch. — hhhh foreshadowing innit ☹
Not that he particularly goes seeking it. Everyone just wants to be friends with Lister Bird. — and yet he cares most abt getting closer to the two he shouldn't have to try for ☹
David [Tennant] thought she wanted a selfie, when in fact she was just trying to find the nearest toilet. — iconic
'Now, there'd better be some fucking Capri-Suns somewhere around here.' — me @ every function
When they were together they both seemed to stop worrying about everything else in their lives - Rowan was no longer an overworked band boy and Bliss was no longer a struggling student. They were just together. — ☹ justice for laimondi
Then he leans in and presses his lips against mine. Oh. Okay. Fine. This is fine. Can't say I realised this conversa- tion was going in this direction, but fine. — BAD (note: this is all caps, huge, and double underlined)
'But we're gods, Jimmy. What's better than that?' — pain. suffering. agony. heartache. torture, torment, anguish.
Holding it makes me feel real. It reminds me that I was born. That my life is something other than this birdcage I'm trapped in. Isn't it? Isn't it? — has his therapist ever discussed depersonalisation with him?
#iwbftreread#les go day 2 babey#(i reas this a lot earlier in the day i've just not rlly had the chance to access tumblr while travelling)#anygay less longwinded post coming later
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hi. I'm genderqueer (particularly hyper-feminine with a thing for gender neutrality and a small side of masculine). your Good Bi Gender gave me insight to what kind of struggle bigender people may face and... I feel your pain -- having to "mute" parts of you just so you can validate the rest... it truly is a painful experience. I hope you know that you are loved just the way you are, bigender and all.
sana masarap ulam mo palagi [Tagalog: may your food be delicious always]
Thank you so so much for the kind words and for reaching out to me!
I honestly believe like. The societal pressure to reject masculinity in favor of femininity or vice versa is so all consuming for a lot of people. I think it’s a pain a lot of cis people probably experience too but don’t think about it. The pressure to have to FIT into a gender box. The binary really sucks. And like. God yeah multi-gender identities are so hard to explain sometimes. The amount of people who go “so you’re just a woman?” or will exclusively use she/her for me and act inconvenienced when I say switch it up. So much so she/her isn’t on the table for most people. Having to mute my femininity just so my transness will even be taken seriously. It hurts.
And this is a bit weird to say, but it is kinda nice to know it is not a unique suffering. It’s not a problem just with me. It’s a problem many face from the system. And I love call my trans buds out there. Stay cool and binary defiant !!!
And thank you again for reaching out! I hope your days are filled with the people you care about and plenty of joys.
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In conversion class tonight, someone asked if a non-Jewish womb was transplanted into a Jewish person, and they successfully gave birth, would that baby be considered Jewish. And the answer is yes, of course, for a variety of reasons both linguistically, halachically, traditionally, etc. Just, unanimously yes. But was such an incredible and interesting discussion overall- especially since the texts explicitly state "womb", and not "woman".
And at one point while we're talking about this fact- about the fact that it is "womb" that's the term that's explicitly used in the sources (and this amazing little side tangent about how lovely it also is that there's this additional connected idea of "The God who gestated the World" for reasons related to linguitic similarity between the word for "womb" and one of HaShem's names) ... I mused that I wondered if any part of the reasoning for the explicit emphasis on "womb" was related to the Jewish conceptualization of Gender and Sex, and how many different ones are recognized in Jewish tradition (and of course I'm thinking in my head about how that additionally plays into Matrilineality vs Patrilineality, and Transness even, in the modern debate) ... And my Rabbi just stops dead, and looks at me with her jaw practically on the floor, and was like "No, but that is an incredibly beautiful modern Midrash you've just created, I think".
Y'all. The feelings that gave me. I can't even articulate them.
#I Finally Did It#Personal#Just Potential Jewish Convert Things#No Gender Only Frog#2024#Religion & Magic
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aitsf
guessing it's for the fandom section lol
001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:
Favorite character:
at this point i can admit that's gonna be. date. mr sex himself. he's the reason i dyed my hair blond last year. chewing on him. such a good character but by god he needs his ass beat posthaste
Least Favorite character:
shoko lol she's just. Bad. well-written but acknowledging that does not make me hate her less
5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):
uhh that's gonna be datomi. and. that's it. i don't really care much about other ships. i guess jupewter is neat? and boss/tokiko is some sexy evil yuri? dunno
Character I find most attractive:
boss.... what can i say. women. they are good. would love a milf that'd spank me and call me a nasty little b- *is dragged offstage*
Character I would marry:
hitomi!!! she's so sweet and kind but has that streak of fire in her that'd make me lose it lol
Character I would be best friends with:
iris would be my girl bestie But. i would get wasted on cheap beer and vodka with date lol
A random thought:
wish they weren't all cops... sad. but i guess that's the inherent flaw of most detective fiction :/ plus i can't see any of them (maybe except mizuki and mayyybeee ryuki) quitting
An unpopular opinion:
speaking of, it'd be so sexy if boss used her sexy blackmail powers to do Some Good & not seeing that was kind of a waste :/
My canon OTP:
datomi <3 they're so married
Non-canon OTP:
ok this one's. super not canon but mizuki and the gf i gave her in sunshowers lol
Most badass character:
mizuki!!!!!!!!!! GET EM GIRL
Pairing I am not a fan of:
ryu//date 🤢 a) date is definitely into men but he's super married, b) ryuki needs therapy and some taste before getting into a relationship, c) i think it's more interesting if this remains unrequited
Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):
uh mama i guess?? especially in aini. like she's not a flat character but her transness could've been written much better. and then there's that change in design 🫣
Favourite friendship:
boss & date <3 there's so much there that we don't know, but what we do makes me crazyinsane like. "all she did, she did for you", she's the one who gave him the name, the way they bicker but also care about each other... AUGH
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My 11th reference post 💀
These are all at.tumblr.com links until I can figure out how to fix that -_- So this was actually a pretty easy fix (see bold & three stars below) most of them should be good now, but one way or another I'll go back and fix them
General
Names between cultures
Staff post community labels
Staff: human moderators check blazed posts
Ghost stories 2000-2001 gifs
Horror movies for people who don't like horror movies
Party Girl Extinction
Lie Detectors are Bullshit
Every Horse Movie World Heritage Post
Strongly worded abortion post
FBI robbed security deposit boxes
Buzzfeed fed their employees Greyhounds
2 times I've been around that track and there is no queen of England
Ben Shapiro short stories
The two-headed calf poem's real meaning
Couldn't agree more and we're best friends now
Passive aggressive museum
How to reformat tumblr links ***
Spy X Family Loid thinks Yor Thinks
Writing research Google alternatives
Tom Brady's Witch Wife
Death of the Queen Tweets
Historical fashion resources and references doc
Quick and dirty laptop buying
BMI and weight loss scams
Loid sees yor looking a LITTLE bit sad and
British politics lettuce
Hundreds, perhaps billions lung expansion
"god gave us transness for the same reason he gave us yeast but no dough"
Elected fic of the year
Lone prairie traveller and their feathery steed
De-google your life
Child poets
Solid color guide
What main thing did you project onto your oc's
Navigating adult ADHD treatment shouldn't suck this much
Cop shows fuckhands the baby murderer
Tumblr folk stories
Soda cake
Death fetish
Elon musk isn't smart bought twitter dragWhat people have and didn't have in the middle ages
UBlock doesn't hurt YouTube creators
Lemon stealing whore lore (rats)
Chocolate guy food that looks like food
A class on what
Adobe Reddit gaslights you
Wish list for people who don't want anything
Fudgers->meaners world heritage post
Ringo Starr told me to fuck off story
Advice to get doctors to take you seriously
1947 anti-fascist video
The blue check debacle tweets
Are prisons obsolete
Changing people's minds
The grand unifying theory of the forger family teacups
Insight into the mind of Elon musk
NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T
Do people actually say things they don't mean when angry?
Anya being like "the fuck you mean we all like you?"
Crying world heritage post
Goncharov video synopsis
Contributions of Stephanie Meyer
Edward scissor hands (scissors when?)
Horrid dreadful atrocious sex scenes
3 yo learning to language
Trolley problem vid tom Hanks reaction 💀
Why can't Muslims tell other Muslims to stop killing people
SpongeBob movie is about coming out
Coward learns the futility of punishing evil comic
Water Biden catgirl
Personal
How I could tell the Twitter users were coming back after we were allowed to have tiddies again
The court of public opinion is inhumane
9/28/2022 Halloween Reference Post
Emotional Landscapes Audio
Red sniper dot porn
Try Guys Recent Nedless vid
"saw it coming/never trust a wife guy" discourse
On "you guys"
"and how can I ever thank you for this way home you've given me"
Doctors are almost all fatphobic
My sister's twin sister (Amber)
You win bitch
Happy rigamortis Wednesday
Pukicho asks "fake" internet culture
Natsu and Lucy Skipping Stones on a Lake
Typical dad polishing gun yor
Damian proposing to Anya spy x family
Nalu take that you fucking lake
Anya Damian balcony
Damianya typical dad polishing gun scene but it's Yor
Spy x family dog-owner mood
Healthcare providers are pretty much all fatphobic
The self-centeredness of bigots
Call-out liste
Spy x family chapter 72 predictions
I, an ADHD possible autistic person, am like mulan in my mind
Skin tag virgin
Tim omelet
"ban porn illegalize sex work" shut the fuck up
Laxus "small now go away
Franky & Loid best friends when Loid dressed him up as wife
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I can't wait until I start testosterone. I can't wait until I start to hear my voice start to drop and crack. I can't wait until I start getting facial hair. I can't wait until I start seeing my fat start to be redistributed away from my hips. I can't wait until I get more body hair. I can't wait until I start to see all the changes that testosterone will cause. I can't wait until I start to see the person I always wanted to become.
Hrt is a gift from God. She gave it to us so we can make our future. I love my transness and can't wait until I fully embrace it.
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i’m not even sort of a christian but the quote that goes “god gave us transness for the same reason he gave us grapes but not wine, yeast but not loaves- so we can partake in the divine art of creation” goes HARD
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Being transgender really is feeling constantly awkward, and going through most of your life feeling like it is awkward being yourself, all levels, from your actions to your own flesh.
Feeling constantly awkward is a very universal experience I know, but it is a particular experience to feel like somewhere there is a version of you who, even if they still feel humanly awkward, don't feel awkward about fundamentally being themselves.
When I look in the mirror I don't hate myself, I don't think I'm ugly, or that I don't deserve things. But it feels like if I could change the hat I'm wearing right now, I would, and I wouldn't really use the old hat again if given the choice.
When you change yourself you're not answering to vanity or sexual appeal or to superficial looks. You're answering to a need, a need to be honest with yourself, from the clothing to the flesh all of that is a need.
(note: it is completely normal to have vanity and sexual desires so if you wanna look gorgeous as fuck or are feeling very horny remember that those are very human things and not any moral failing or something)
By changing my gender and getting an operation or not getting it or by using makeup or not and all of that, I'm not putting on another mask. We're all using one to some level, no one is that sterile and no one can be known deeply by briefly looking at them on the grocery store. There is a clear difference between building a fake idealized persona and actually just being honest with yourself (in this case the mask is always just how much people know you or how much information they perceive in a normal interaction and how much is unveiled the longer they know you).
By putting on makeup I'm not my true self because my face is different and up to social standards, I'm true to myself because I think it's fun to use it, or maybe it does boost my self-confidence and that's alright too. If I were to get bottom surgery it isn't so to be a "real" woman or to be more sexually appealing to people who just see me as a penis-man. It's just because I know what I'm most comfortable with.
If my house is dirty I clean it, and a clean space makes me feel better, if my shoes don't fit I'll buy new ones, and my feet won't hurt with shoes that don't constraint me. If it's cold outside I'll use a sweater and if I feel very hot then I can take it off again.
So, if I don't feel comfortable with my name I'll find a new name, and if I feel comfortable with that name but it "doesn't match" the gender I'm presenting to you, I don't give a fuck.
If I wanna use makeup for vanity or for fun it's none of your business.
If I get a surgery it is for my own comfort, not yours or to appeal to you. And if I don't then don't ask me to get one to validate my transness.
Thinking of the body as given by God to never be changed is like if I gave you water and called you a sinner for letting it turn into ice or steam, something it will naturally do. I think it even goes against God if you wanna get religious because he allowed for literally everything to be prone to change and even natural or artificial transformation. And claiming it all is designated and immutable is failing to see the creation as it is. He let us partake in the act of creation.
And on the scientific side nature always get freaky with everything, digestive systems, leg quantity, eyes, locomotion. So it is stupid as hell to think that something like sex and tangible anatomical shit won't get freaky too. On basic physics they teach you there are 3 states of matter, but if you keep studying physics there are actually a shit ton of states of matter. So "basic biology" is just a practical simplification of things, but advanced biology tells you even sex isn't as restrictive, and learning and understanding it is not "complicating it" or "unnecessary information". If I were to learn a fucking lot about birds I wouldn't be "complicating myself ", it brings new perspectives and a wider understanding of the topic. And even if it weren't applicable in praxis in a day-to-day scenario it is also not a waste of time either.
Thinking it all is penis and vagina and the electric socket metaphor bullshit is just essentialism and it basically turns into misogyny and can be stretched into fascism.
So, when someone realises there is a way to live life in which they're a lot more assertive and it doesn't have to be awkward to be themselves it's not because of a political agenda or to indoctrinate random children or personally assault you at the bar. It's because change is always an option and there are more things you can change than what they told you was allowed.
Most of these things don't exist unless there is a sapient being to perceive and interpret them, that's why it's called a social construct, and on tangible things like sex, there are also social constructs about how we perceive and talk about them, constructs that we deem objective and immutable only on the basis of it being tangible.
Change is always an option, something that a lot of people still struggle to understand, no wonder they're so grumpy and mad.
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D4T Extras: "Alice's Page 7"
//cw: transphobic, homophobic, and ableist slurs //
go here for more info on d4t
She lays on her bed for a while sitting in her anxiety, unsure what their relationship even was anymore. After a while he responds to her text.
trashbag_minister (Lu): “it’s… complicated”
trashbag_minister (Lu): “i’ll try to answer questions as good as i can…”
She takes him up on that in fact she asks *alot* of questions, he doesn’t do a good job answering but she thinks that’s probably her fault (everything she was saying was pretty retarded). Thinking on it more she realized that her weird feelings about it probably was more about her than it was him. So she decided she just needed some time to think.
She couldn’t really talk to anyone else about this, and when she tried looking into detransition all she found new fun ways to hate herself. Now she only had access to google and twitter which might not be the best places to look, but she wouldn’t know where to find communities where trans supportive detransitioners (detrans people? detrannies?) hung out, people like Lu… even he said he didn’t know any other detrans people, not in person or online. So instead she just thought about it, she was kinda confused but she thought to herself “what would i want someone who had no idea what transness was to do”, he just… thought he was a girl, but wasn’t (right?). Did it have to be more complicated than that? He always treated her nice, he never said transness was wrong or unnatural. And he… expected her to leave kinda, like he didn’t say it he’d just say “i’ll understand if things can’t go back because of this” bracing himself for her to not be supportive, not be kind, she *hated* that, she hated that way more than she gave a shit he used to be a tranny. He was way too kind to need to have that reaction, like he didn’t *do* anything, not to her at least. He was just… himself.
She missed him, she wanted to be near him, and she wanted him to kiss her despite his gender bullshit. Hell if she was fine with him being a tranny why not be fine with him being a “detrans” boy, he was still *her* boy…
Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “r u free today?”
trashbag_minister (Lu): “ye, why?”
Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “can i hang at urs?”
trashbag_minister (Lu): “sure thing”
Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “yay!”
Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “when will you get here btw”
trashbag_minister (Lu): “around 20 minutes”
Tranny Mona Lisa (Alice): “❤️❤️❤️❤️”
She was so excited, nervous too but more so excited. She was gonna tell him she liked him… again, but like… it’s different this time cause she knows he’ll reciprocate.
When he comes to get her, she remembers how pretty he is. She just… stares at him for a second but before too long she snaps out of it and says hi. It started to dawn on her how scary this was, like she *thinks* he likes her but she doesn’t *know* he likes her, what if the detrans thing was his way off getting her to back off. She continues to spiral about this until Lu tells her they arrived at his campus, she tries to put the words together in her head as she gets to his dorm, but by the time she’s there she hasn’t gotten far. She realizes as she was about to talk that just coming out trails blazing talking about it might be… awkward (she wouldn’t want him to think she just came here to get with him… she really does miss him). So she tries to make some meaningless conversation but…
Lu: “Is there something you wanna talk about?”
Alice: “...”
(god damn it! stop being so fucking observing you bitch)
Alice: “yeah…”
his pretty brown eyes are staring into her soul
(okay… here goes nothing)
Alice: “I don't super know what your detransition means to you…”
Alice: “... i mean, i tried to learn, but there aren’t many… resources or anything”
Alice: “anyway i don’t know what it means, but i still like *you*”
he lets out a deep breath
Lu: “Cool…”
(cool?!? the fuck does that mean)
Alice: “...”
Alice: “Do you… like me too?”
Lu: “Oh… you meant like *like like*.”
(this fucking retard…)
Alice: “Yeah no fucking duh, also who says ‘like like’ past the age of ten”
Lu: “i don’t umm…”
(fuck fuck fuck… she shouldn’t have assumed she’s so fucking stupid)
Alice: “Do you not? It’s okay if you don’t i… just thought you did…”
Lu: “No i d-do- i do, i just…”
(SHE FUCKING KNEW IT!!!)
Lu: “You shouldn’t,,n’t l-like me.”
(oh-no what gayass shit was this faggot gonna say now… he’s lucky she finds him so cute)
Alice: “Why???”
Lu: “Be-be-be-cau-cause you can do better-ter…”
(THATS RETARDED)
Alice: “That’s retarded!”
Lu: “L-Lys! You can’t sssay that!”
(shut the fuck up you stupid virgin bitch)
Alice: “Jesus fucking christ Lu, i… i just *fucking confessed to you*, and you respond with the dumbest shit i’ve ever heard, i can respond however the fuck i god damn want!”
Lu: “go-ju-Alice! I- it’s- god like you- you- you could- could have any s-s-ssself respecting man you want, you sh-shouldn’t se–se-set-t-tle for… *me*”
Alice: “I’m not settling, i *like* you, you’re smart and caring and sweet, why wouldn’t i like you.”
he looks like he can’t even understand the language she’s speaking
Lu: “Why *w-would* you! I’m a fu-fu-fu shit fuck god damn it! I’m a- I’m a fucking pathetic little shit preten-pretending to be a man, i-i-i can b-b-b-barely even s-sb-sp-speak, i…
he’s never stuttered this much before, he’s crying and she doesn’t know why, so she just reaches out to him
Alice: “Are you okay?”
Lu: “...ye i just, it’s nothing, my brain is stupid sometimes”
(she already knew that, but he seems to be talking about something else)
Alice: “That's okay, i’m sorry for getting you worked up.
Alice: “I’m just… if you like me and i like you there isn’t any real reason not to date right?”
Lu: “But it’s more,, complicated than that-t”
(don’t blow up on him)
Alice: “Why? Why does it have to be?”
Lu: “Because of all the s-st-stuff i said.”
Alice: “But i don’t care about any of that.”
he pulls back and looks a bit away from her
Lu: “I don’t even have a f-f-d-di-dick Alice… how would that- how would that even work”
(oh shit)
Alice: “Tons of people make that work.”
Lu: “But you shouldn’t- you shoulnt have too, your boy-boyfriend should be a real man not a tr-tr-trans girl in denial”
(trans girl in denial?)
Alice: “You could be my girlfriend then, we don’t hav-”
Lu: “I don’t want to be your girlfriend!”
(she feels her insides twisting)
Alice: “...”
Alice: “ok”
after a while she says
Alice: “I want to go home”
.
.
.
Lu: “ok… can i go to the bathroom first”
Alice: “of course”
Lu walks towards his bathroom
Fuck… why was he being so retarded. Did he hate himself so much that he can’t even allow someone else to love him, fuck… did she love him… no not important, he made his feelings known, if she does she’ll… stop. She *wanted* more than anything to say all the things to make him reconsider, but it was his choice. She couldn’t *make* them be together. Fuck…
when Lu returns she wipes the tears from her face
Lu: “What’s wrong?”
(she’s gonna kill him)
Alice: “...nothing”
Lu: “mhm?”
he puts his arm around her, and she lays her head on him
(why did he have to be so comfortable)
Lu: “You don’t have to say you’re fine.”
she looks up at him
Alice: “*I am fine*”
he clearly doesn’t believe her
Lu looks like he’s trying to tie a knot with his tongue
(why does he have to talk, can’t he just let her have this)
he puts his hand on her cheek
(mgddfmnsafsdm)
Lu: “Look as your boyfriend, you should- you should tell me when you aren’t ok.”
(what the fuck is happening)
Alice: “You’re my boyfriend?”
Lu: “I mean, even if i think you have bad taste, who would i be to deny the most b-b-gorgeous woman i-i’ve ever laid eyes on”
(since when did he have game?!?)
Alice: “... i… you think i…”
Alice: “I don’t have bad taste, you’re very…”
Lu: “The point is you should tell me why you feel bad.”
(he’s so stupid, it’s great)
Alice: “I actually feel alot better now.”
as he hears that he smiles and kisses her
(bfvbwjrbwfkregbhvbdhsmbrhfbiwsfkvbsfjh)
Lu: “I hope that means you don’t have to go home right now, cause i,, i really wanna,, be with you a bit longer”
she responds by grabbing onto his shirt and nuzzling further into him
Alice is so giddy. She has a boyfriend, *Lu* is her boyfriend. As she buries her face into him she thinks about how she never wants to leave.
#d4t#webnovel#web fiction#webfiction#web serial#webserial#romance#queer#trans#transgender#detrans#alice#alice d4t#alice d4twebnovel#d4t extras#d4t extra#d4t-webserial
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