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againstme · 3 months

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idk man i’m just thinking about against me! and transness, especially cause we’re coming up on ten fucking years of transgender dysphoria blues, on the 21st.

lyrics have been swimming in my head lately.

“what god doesnt give to you, you’ve got to go and get for yourself.”

“if i could’ve chosen, i would’ve been born a woman. my mother once told me she would’ve named me laura. i’d grow up to be strong and beautiful like her.”

“you wouldn’t think something like gender identity would complicate something like asking for some company.”

“she spent the last few years of her life running from the boy she used to be.”

“standing naked in front of that hotel bathroom mirror, in her dysphoria’s reflection, she still saw her mother’s son.”

“agitated states of amazement, never quite the woman that she wanted to be.”

“you want them to see you like they see every other girl, they just see a faggot, they hold their breath not to catch the sick.”

“chipped nail polish and a barbed wire dress. is your mother proud of your eyelashes? silicone chest, and collagen lips. how would you even recognize me?”

“no more troubled sleep, there’s a brave new world that’s raging inside of me.”

“all my life, wishing i was one of them. there will always be a difference between me and you.”

“what’s the best end you can hope for? pity fucks and table scraps?”

“all the young graves filled, don’t the best all burn out so bright and so fast?”

“sometimes at night, i pray to wake a different person in a different place.”

“i don’t want to hang around the graveyard, waiting for something dead to come back. i know you think you’ve got one up on me, that you can see something i can’t.”

“i wanna be so real, you can see the difference.”

“dig up your bones, early graves are not homes.”

“come on, shape shift with me! what’ve you got to lose? fuck it!”

“confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women’s clothes, compulsions you never knew the reasons to.”

“i’m sick of feeling like i’m losing my mind. sick of doing the same things most nights after night. sick of self loathing and self absorption, self destructive narcissism.”

some of these are directly referencing transness, some just alluding to it. some are just ones that i relate to as i’ve grown up struggling with my gender and sexuality and accepting my own transness and dealing with self harm and self destruction and relying too much on drugs.

finding myself buying baggies of coke and just stuffing them in my wallet while i walked downtown, feeling this immense guilt at the bottom of my stomach for essentially just wasting 25 dollars on a drug that wasn’t doing much for me besides making me feel like i was feeling something different than what my life was. getting scared shitless while in the line at the convenience store after picking up, seeing cops come into the store, and the small tied up bag filled with what was more baby powder than coke in my back pocket felt like the the heaviest and most obvious thing in the world.

and then i’d find myself on calls with my friends, with my camera turned off or pointing at the ceiling, suddenly muting my mic holding a cut up piece of a straw in my teeth as i crushed shit up with my library card from a city i wasn’t planning on living in again. just having them talk while i was racking baby lines, tilting my head back and rubbing it on my gums after. i was sniffling all the time. sometimes my nose would bleed when i would wake up. and i wasn’t even really feeling much; i didn’t know at the time that this would be because of having adhd and just basically spending money on overpriced shit that was just like taking an adderall, but it was a drug in front of me, that gave me the idea or the false hope of running away from my life during the short lived high.

“before you know it, here i am again, fucking 6 o’clock in the morning, rolled up dollar bill in my hand.”

“what the fuck are you cutting this with, anyway?”

“how low can you go before you can’t turn around?”

i don’t think that when i was 14 and getting into against me! that i would ever actually get to a point of fully relating to those lyrics. of running away from such a huge part of yourself or your problems, trying to fill the void with drugs that you’d plow through so quickly, faster than you thought you would every time.

the thing is, was that at this point, i had already started my transition. i was already “passing.” but i never got to the root of it. sure, i’m trans, but who am i? and i didn’t know how to answer that question. so i just pushed it away, pushed it under the rug.

“you can pray all night and day, but you’ll still wake up the same person in the same fucking place.”

against me! has been there for me for ten years. throughout so many transformations of myself, so much shape shifting, so much dysphoria, so many late nights wishing i was a different person in a different place.

i found solace in their lyrics. it gave me some small bit of hope, some realization that i didn’t know that i needed; that trans people always have been and always will be here, that being able to be trans and be alive is possible, and that i don’t have to be digging my own grave, spending late nights staring at the mirror and seeing the girl who i used to be.

against me! gave me the courage to be alive.

#this is ok to rb. u can tag w drugs if u need to.#c.txt #wow after typing this it feels corny and long winded #also like it should be a journal entry. should it? maybe. do i feel like my fellow am! mutuals could relate in some way? yeah #hi if y’all are reading this #just been thinking about against me a lot lately #against me!

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pinkkunt-imagines · 4 years

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Hi I was wondering if you could do SFW and NSFW headcanons about Fujin from MK? Love you blog😘

Yall knew this was coming. Once Aftermath came out and we got more of a glimpse at Fujin’s personality and face, it was a WRAP. Had to write this request ASAP. I can’t tag you @Jelliebeans, but I hope you see. I love me some Fujin now, frfr. Headcanons are kina long because I went odee hard. NSFW UNDER LE CUT~

Fujin

SFW

♡Fujin left the sky temple to live with humans. One of those humans mainly being you. And though it broke his brother Raiden's heart, Fujin could not stand to be apart from you.

♡He enjoys and wants a very domestic life, and adapts to human traditions very easily. Waking up to breakfast in bed, cutting the lawn, fixing the house, kids. All those good things. He even wants a wedding too! Going as far as to Google how to propose, and what type of ring a woman likes. He actually dragged Raiden with him to the jewelry store for help. But since they both didn’t know any better, they ended up getting played and leaving with some overpriced ring.

♡The Wind God is very loyal and family-oriented, even without children. He wants to feel the joy of being a Father though, and damn sure wants a liter load worth. He would literally live for you and his children, going against the world for you guys, even if you were in the wrong. Family bonds are very sacred to him. He just wants some quarter-demigods to raise and adore!

♡Despite being a Demi-God, Fujin is very sentimental and in touch with his human feelings. There are times where he acts on his emotions, and he’s considerate of your feelings too. He won’t oppose you or tell you no because he doesn’t want to see you unhappy. Because of this, he spoils you to death, even if he finds what you want completely useless. The most he’ll do is tell you to reconsider, and use the money elsewhere on something more important. But, he’ll only say it once. After that, it’s up to you whether you’re going to run his credit card up.

♡He hates arguments, and is genuinely hurt whenever you’re upset or yelling at him about something. Fujin usually just lets you talk, not wanting to fuel your anger by saying something wrong, and apologizing for whatever he did wrong. While he’s not going to cry, he is going to feel like shit and be down about it, until you tell him everything is fine. Like please don’t do something like not talk to him for days about something he did. He can’t stand it, and will still make a valiant effort to speak to you. “Please [Name], just tell me what I did wrong.”

♡Fujin enjoys a good time, and isn’t so serious about things like his brother. Raiden scowls you when you and Fujin visit the sky temple. There’s really nothing against YOU per say. Just the fact that his brother really allowed himself to get close to mortals. You’ve humanized him and clouded his judgments. Even hanging around Jax has him saying corny dad jokes. You can’t help but to cackle.

♡You know what Fujin really likes? When you play in his hair. Braid it, put it into buns, massage his scalp! He doesn’t care, it just feels so damn tingly and relaxing when you do it~

♡ He likes crafting. He’ll sometimes make origami birds, then uses his wind to make them fly. You two made flora headbands, and he treasures it and the experience a lot. He wears it around the house, and sometimes even in public. Unrelated, but Fujin is also very good at light flirting too.

NSFW

♡Can we please implement some wind sky sex please? No? Ok.

♡Sex with Fujin is just what you would expect for a God, heavenly. Its always intimate, and he puts his heart and soul into making love to you, never fucking. It’s hot and heavy, and you two end up just losing yourselves in one another gaze. Body, spirit and soul connected. And if it’s not love making, then it’s baby making.

♡Yes, yes, yes to foreplay! He kisses all over your face and collar bone, working his hands elsewhere so you can fully be prepped. He makes sure to take his time with it. Especially when going down on you. He really enjoys that and could do it all day. As far as blowjobs, he loves them to death, but will get flustered at first when seeing you down there. Like, you really want to put it in your mouth? It feels good, but like, really?

♡Asking for quickies or public sex will make him flustered too. He’s not for either, because that’s so inappropriate, [Name]. What if someone sees the two of you in the act? What would people say? Even worse, what would the ELDER GOD’S AND HIS BROTHER SAY!?

♡Fujin isn’t one to take charge during sex, but he’s not one to not take charge during sex either. It’s sort of a shared power between you two. Unless it’s one of those days when you want to catch him off guard.

♡Don’t be vulgar during sex either. Fujiin gets all flushed because he’s very vanilla and will stop mid-sex to say, “[Name], please don’t say such vulgar things,” with big red cheeks . Even asking him to degrade you or like, choke you during sex is a big no. He doesn’t want to call you mean things, let alone harm you, even if you’d like it. He just wants to show you how much he loves you, the Mortal way.

♡The sex isn’t quiet, as he is very vocal in the sense that he doesn’t hold back a moan. You can’t hold back a moan either because wow, this feels so lovely. The room is just filled with a mutual exchange of moans, bed creaking, and soft skin clapping. There are a few things said sometimes. Like, “I love you,” “You’re so beautiful,” and the occasional “Look at me,” when your eyes wander astray from his to the back of your head.

♡Not for nothing, but he does those circular thrusts with his hips, regardless of position. He loves that feeling of making a whirlwind inside of your pussy, stirring up your insides and stuff. Those orgasms that you get when he does that hit you so hard they knock the wind out of you.

♡Similar to Raiden, seeing you naked is just so inappropriate. Like, please put some clothes on? You’re making his pp hard. Undoubtedly would be a victim to that new towel dropping tik tok challenge while training.

♡When he’s about to cum, he definitely pants more frantically. And when he does, Jesus, it’s loud, and he does not give the slightest fuck. Has to let you know he felt good, right? Fujin usually ko’s into a peaceful nap, and you use him as your cuddle pillow because he’s just so damn soft for awhile, before going to prepare dinner for him to wake up to.

#fujin x reader #mortal kombat fujin #Mortal Kombat #mortal kombat aftermath #fujin #fujin headcanons #fujin imagines #mortal kombat headcanons #mortal kombat imagines #mk 11 #mk 11 aftermath #fujin mortal kombat #mortal kombat imagine #mortal kombat headcanon #fujin imagine #fujin headcanon

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dickd0c · 4 years

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STRIKE

CHAPTER NINETEEN — “day five, part two”

A while later, Nic found herself walking out of her room and down the hall. There wasn't much to do. She didn't want to text Lucas—she'd just met him and didn't want to come off clingy. Riot was gaming (loudly) in his room. Tank was still at the gym and probably would be for a while, and Athena was definitely still pity shopping.

So she wound up in front of the door to Alpha's room, asking herself why her heart was pounding so fast and her chest was growing so tight. She slowly pushed the door open a few inches, peeking in to see Alpha seated on his bed with his laptop a few feet away from him. He had a massive bowl of popcorn beside him. The lights were off and the curtains were drawn, so the only light illuminating his face was the flashing from his laptop. It had been hours since he'd popped into her room to annoy her, so she wondered how many movies he had watched in that time.

Nic pushed the door open a bit more, sidling in before quietly shutting it behind her. She walked over to the side of the bed, Alpha not even glancing over at her, and lifted the covers so she could sit with him underneath. As she lifted her knees on to the bed, she glanced up at him, noticing something different.

On top of his nose sat a pair of black-framed glasses that reflected the movie on his laptop. Nic had never seen Alpha with glasses before, but she had to admit, he truly pulled them off. Biting her lip, She slid under the covers, sitting up with her legs extended.

Wordlessly, Alpha wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her towards him. Nic nearly fell over, surprised, but she steadied herself and found their bodies so close together their legs were touching. She was angled a little so that her back rested on the side of her chest, and she was nearly sitting on him. He then moved the laptop so it was balancing on top of both of them. Nic didn't fail to notice the arm that stayed around her waist.

It was odd sitting with him like that. He wasn't the most touchy guy in normal situations. He barely cuddled after sex, he didn't even tapped her shoulder if she was in his way. Nic's body stayed tense, feeling his arm get comfortable. He pulled her a little closer so that his hand could rest peacefully on her thigh, but that just forced Nic to resist the urge to squirm.

Nic forced herself to zero in on the movie playing on his laptop. It seemed like a comedy, which kinda surprised her. She figured that he would be the type to watch action or thrillers, but hey, everyone can use a good comedy every now and then. An actor on the screen cracked a joke, and next to her, Alpha let out a humored breath. Nic smiled to herself, feeling her body slowly relax against his.

Between scenes, the screen went black. Though it was dark in the room, it was still light enough for her to be able to see their vague reflections. She looked at Alpha, watching him adjust the glasses resting on his nose. She really did like those glasses on him.

"Damon," Nic said suddenly, as if testing the name out on her tongue. It clearly startled him, though.

"Yeah?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing behind those glasses.

"Nothing. Actually, how old are you?" Nic asked quietly, reaching for the popcorn.

Alpha quirked his eyebrows, as if caught off guard. Nic had to admit, it was a bit random. "Uhh, twenty-one."

"Oh. So you just graduated college, didn't you? Congratulations," she said with a smile, watching him nod and shrug. "What did you major in?"

Alpha gave her a weird look, like making normal conversation was new to him. "Nursing," he said, and Nic could feel his abdomen tense up against her back.

Nic's face brightened. "Oh, that's great! I have a friend who's doing nursing. She says it's really hard. Wow, so you've got your bachelor's?"

Alpha made that face again, looking steadfast at the flashing laptop screen. "Yeah... why are you questioning me, again?"

Nic huffed, turning her face away from him with a small scowl. "Because... I know Tank, Riot, and Athena's ages. I know what they're studying. I know their favorite colors too. But you? I didn't even know you wore glasses."

It was true. She knew a lot about those three. Tank was nineteen, like her, and an athletic training major. Riot was twenty and a communications major. Athena, twenty as well, was a compsci major. Nic learned all of that in one or two weeks, but she just found out the same information about Alpha after nearly two months.

"You didn't even know any of their real names until today," Alpha pointed out in a snarky voice, his abdominal muscles shifting against her back.

Nic rolled her eyes but stayed silent. Partly because he was right and that was awkward, and partly because she wasn't in the mood to get him angry.

Alpha sighed, long and loud, and Nic nearly turned around to tell him off for being unreasonably irritable when he spoke again.

"Green," he said in a quiet and raspy voice.

Nic smiled to herself. "Mine's purple," she said softly, leaning comfortably into his chest. His arm tightened around her and his thumb started rubbing circles on her thigh. A brief glance at Alpha told Nic that he was doing so absentmindedly.

"So..." Nic thought out loud, thinking of a question to ask him. She just wanted to keep him talking. "Are you going to be getting a job?"

Alpha cleared his throat, clearly unfamiliar with talking so much with someone he didn't already know well. "I'm going for my master's actually, so I won't have time for a full time job."

Nic didn't know jack shit about nursing. She had made up that friend she had mentioned.

"You really like nursing, huh?"

Alpha just shrugged, but Nic could see the small smile that he swallowed back.

Nic slowly let her head fall back to rest on Alpha's shoulder, feeling his body tense under her before it slowly relaxed. She watched the movie, smiling slightly as the actors cracked corny jokes and managed to get into sticky situations every ten minutes. Every once in a while, Alpha would chuckle lowly, making her let out a small laugh of her own. She hadn't heard Alpha laugh this much in...

Ever.

There were still so many questions she all of a sudden wanted to ask. There were so many things she didn't know about him, so many things she didn't even know about the others. Come to think of it, she'd never had a single conversation with any of them about their or her family life. Maybe a few brief ones, but the fact that Athena had homophobic parents was honestly the most she knew.

Nic looked down at the strong hand resting on her thigh, wondering what Alpha's family was like. A heavy pit in her stomach told her that it was probably a bad idea to ask.

A few minutes later, the movie came to a sappy end, where the short balding man finally kissed his stunning, sweet ex-wife. Alpha chuckled, a rumbling sound that made his chest vibrate against Nic's back as his fingers reached for the laptop and fiddled with it.

"What do you want to watch next?" he asked her, catching her by surprise.

"Um... something horror, maybe," she replied.

"Alright, try not to hold my hand too hard," he said, sounding amused as he scrolled for movies.

Nic rolled her eyes. "I don't scare that easily," she proclaimed, and Alpha's hand tightened around her thigh.

"We'll see..." he mused, clicking on a movie and letting it play. He then moved the lap top between his legs. His hands shifted to Nic's hips, catching her by surprise when they lifted her and pulled her over with ease.

Nic landed between his spread legs, feelings arms wrap around her torso to pull her back tight against his flexed chest. Alpha's head dipped to the side of hers, mouth brushing against her ear as he whispered.

"If you get scared, I'll be holding you."

Nic's heart pounded against her chest, and she was sure that he could somehow hear it. She sat there, slightly dazed, trying to figure out if his words were supposed to be sexual or sweet.

The first scene played out on the screen, sharp blades slicing a woman's head clear off.

Stomach churning, Nic hoped it wasn't sexual.

As the movie progressed, Alpha's arms seemed to grow tighter around her. Nic wasn't sure if that was for her comfort or his, because every time something gory took place on screen, she'd flinch violently, but he'd gasp in shock.

"Oh, I don't think I'll be touching the popcorn," Nic nearly gagged when the killer cut open a man's abdomen and took an organ into his hands.

Alpha nodded, briefly moving an arm away from her to push the popcorn bowl away. He wrapped his arm back around her, resting his chin in the crook of her neck. He still hadn't shaved, so his light scruff scratched the sensitive skin on her neck. Nic tilted her head and rubbed her face against his ever so slightly, enjoying the feeling of his scruff against her cheek.

"What are you doing?" Alpha whispered, his hands moving to grab hold of her waist, fingers digging into her skin.

Nic froze, grateful for the dark room covering up her pink cheeks. She shifted her head away from him, feeling her embarrassment pool up in her tightening chest. She cleared her throat—"Sorry."

She couldn't see it, but Alpha frowned, looking confused. "No, I didn't mean it like that," he said, dipping his head back down to rest in her neck. He then winded as a body fell from forty stories up in the movie, flinching as it landed with a loud thud. "Shit..." he muttered into Nic's neck, burrowing nearly his entire face into it so that just his eyes could peek out and see what happened next.

Nic laugher lightly, moving her hands to rest on top of each of his and give them a light squeeze. "Look who's scared now," she teased, feeling his hands tighten their grip on her.

"I was just pretending to make you feel better," he responded arrogantly, and Nic could practically hear his smirk.

"You keep telling yourself that," she cooed, moving her hands back to rest in her lap.

Alpha didn't respond. He just pulled her tighter against him, if that was even possible. Nic grinned to herself despite the gory scenes before her eyes, catching herself sometimes flinching on purpose so that his fingers would rub circles on her skin.

She never thought he'd touch her like that. It was new, it was different. It was nice.

#alpha #tank #riot #athena #specops #specop #specop fic #specopsfic #specopfic #smut #anonymous #fanfic #fanfiction

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caroline18mars · 5 years

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A Man On Fire - Chapter 47

Up in the air, his mind kept wandering off to that beauty he had left back there in New York, he grabbed his phone to check for the umpteenth time if there was any mail or text from her..but still nothing, wait..what time was it there now? she was probably asleep already. Ok, he would start, so that she would have some news from him the minute she opened her eyes, he switched screens and in doing so, the picture of Val popped back up and he smiled, well at least she was gonna be there to distract him from his loneliness when he landed in Italy, it wasn’t gonna fix anything, but it was something to look forward to. How was it even possible to fall asleep when her sheets still smelled like him? Just close your eyes and fall asleep, it’s not that hard, you’ll see him again soon enough, what is one month without him in the scope of eternity?. This wasn’t gonna work, just thinking about him made her even more restless, ok fine, she grabbed her phone and tapped on her mailbox app, whoopwhoop mailmailmail, yesss, mail from him already.

From: BJLCubbins

To: HCDeRobiano

Subject: Not my first, but definitely my last!

Babe,

I’m sitting here several miles up high here in the sky, and the most rational thing I can come up with is that I miss you, I know how corny that probably sounds to a tough cookie like yourself, but whatever, I just needed to say it! Unfortunately it won’t do anything to keep this blues at bay, but on the other hand, it made me realize that from this moment on, I can start counting down the days, the biggest hurdle => leaving you behind has been taken, from here on it just can’t get any worse, tomorrow when I wake up or go to sleep (see? This jetlag is already getting me all disorientated) it’s gonna be 29 days until I see you again, not 30, because 30 is unbearable, but 29 is not.

Out of the window, I can see this one, amazingly bright star, can you see it too down there? I’ve had a talk with that star and I’ve told her to keep an eye on you, can you see her? It’s the third one from the right and she’s twinkling like crazy, that’s because she’s trying to tell you what I’ve told her about you.

Halfway between America and Europe, that’s what the little screen in front of me is telling me, every mile is a mile more distance between us..and right now that’s hard to live with..

Anyway, I’m gonna try and get some sleep myself, so I won’t be such a jetlagged zombie when I land, and it’ll take my mind off you for a while, although I’m sure you’ll still be there in every single one of my dreams.

I love you x 1000000

Jay

Sweet, beautiful, hunk of a man, my man! She sighed and clutched the phone to her chest, thinking of what she was going to write to him, just not..now..god she was so tired..her eyes slowly fell shut, all the stress and the commotion of the last couple of days, was catching up with her. Touchdown in a rainy Florence, the sound of the screeching breaks and the wheels splashing over the wet tarmac, this was real, life as he had known it for so many years was about to start again, life on the road, with her it had been so much more fun, it had so much more meaning to it. Stop complaining, Jared, do as you told her, count down the days, hidden behind umbrellas he could already see the welcoming committee, he shoved all his belongings into his bag and as soon as the jet had come to a stop, he hopped down the stairs. “Welcome back little brother!” Shannon pulled him in for a bear hug while Stevie bumped fists with him, “did you get my message?” his brother wiggled his eyebrows at him, “yeah, I did, where is she?” he shouted above the noise of the engines, “back at the hotel, she’s expecting you” Shannon said all excited and held open the door for him. “How was NY?” his brother tried to distract him from constantly checking his phone, “haven’t seen much of New York, we spent most of our short time together indoors, we had so much time to sort out and talk about” he breathed absentmindedly, why hadn’t she sent anything back?. “Talking? Is that how they call fucking your girl’s brains out, these days?” Shannon and Stevie burst out into a fit of giggles, “how old are you both? 5?” Jared threw them an annoyed glare, she would have probably laughed about it too if she had been here, but right now their words only bugged him. “Anyway, everything set up for tonight? Is there time to have a couple of hours of sleep before we hit that stage again? I think I’ll skip soundcheck just this once” he quickly changed the subject, couldn’t this car go any faster? He just wanted to be horizontal for a couple of hours.

After half an hour, the car finally stopped in front of the hotel, he jumped out and pulled his hood over his head when he noticed a vast row of fans waiting for them at the side of the entrance, he loved them all dearly but right now, he didn’t exactly want to be disturbed, so he quickly gestured at Shannon to go see them and hurried inside the lobby. His key ready in his hand, he walked out of the elevator and headed for his suite, putting the card in the lock he opened the door, “well hello stranger” her voice startled him, there she was lying on her side, tapping the empty spot next to her. “Val..” he dropped his bag and walked over to the bed, sitting down waiting for her to sit up and give her a hug, “hello stranger” wow, a moist kiss landed under his ear “been way too long” and her hot breath raked across his throat as she pulled him down with him. “Heyheyhey” his hand locked around hers when it ventured down his back to the curve of his butt “I’ve already got someone special to do that” he tried to keep his tone light but her audacity bothered him, ok so they had a thing a while back but that fizzled out because he had lost interest. Yes, she was a model, that type that everyone expected him to fall for and be with but there just wasn’t enough to keep him interested..sometimes he could have sworn he heard the wind blow right through that head of hers, cliché? Maybe but oh so true, intellectually he needed more in a woman than this bubblehead, he couldn’t fill his days talking about make-up, weight loss and whose yacht the vacation should be spent on in order to get maximum exposure in all the right gossip rags. “Someone as special as me? I find that hard to believe” she let go of him with an annoying giggle, “anyway, Shannon reserved a table at one of these cool trattorias for all of us and after that we’re going to party” she grabbed her phone and showed him a picture of what looked like the hottest club in town. “I don’t know, I’ve got a show to play and I’m completely jetlagged” he already knew her answer, “what are you? 105? You’re coming, we’re definitely dancing tonight, a little bit of alcohol will help even more with sleeping off that jetlag”. Purring in anticipation she cupped his chin and pushed a quick, chaste kiss on his lips before she got up, adjusting her hair in front of the mirror, “I’m not making any promises, in the meantime this 105-year old is gonna have a little nap” he so wanted to wipe the taste of her mouth off his lips, “ok, Daddy, or should I call you grandpa now? I’ll let you snooze, I’ll see you at the show” the deviousness lit up in her eyes as she let her thumb seductively caress her lips, throwing him a fat wink as she exited the room. What just happened? He hung his head and shook it, Val happened, that’s what, he had moved on, she clearly hadn’t, he let himself fall back against the cushions, her perfume lingering there, and boy did it smell like trouble.

From: HCDeRobiano

To: BJLCubbins

Subject: Re: Not my first, but definitely my last!

Love of my life,

That’s definitely a first, saying that or writing that down, and boy it’s scary, but I refuse to delete it, so you enjoy that.

I’ve been painting all night and all morning, with a little nap inbetween, and it’s been a blast, don’t take this the wrong way, but in a way I’m glad, for all the obvious reasons, you’re not around, because it’s simply impossible to keep my focus when you strut around my loft oozing pure sex. No, I’m not gonna do this, I’m not even gonna think about having rampant sex with you or I’ll never finish this painting..that being said, I should have made a cast of that amazing dick of yours so I could make a dildo out of it,(hey I’ve had enough sculpting classes to pull it off, no pun intended), and fuck myself silly with it, because I could do with one of your thorough fuckings right now..NO! no dirty talk, no online sex, and definitely not via e-mail, nope not gonna do that, not gonna happen! Do you touch yourself thinking about me at all? Stop it Harper, stop it right now!

Anyway, by the time you’re reading this, you’re probably already on a stage singing, girls fainting in the front row, throwing themselves at your feet..*sigh* it’s hard (I bet it is though! No stop Coco, just stop shooting off that sassy mouth of yours, only filth seems to come out of it today anyway).

I’m gonna take a cold shower and then I’m heading to bed to wake up soaked all over again, I’m sure (I swear I’ll stop)

You know what you are, Jared Leto? A shot of life, that’s what you are, I can feel it more than ever now ‘that shot of life’ has flown away from me. And here I thought I’d prove that romance wasn’t dead and I was planning on writing you a long, handwritten love letter (I used to love writing letters, and receiving them, the waiting, that crazy longing for a mailman to stop by your house, the moment you saw him slide that envelope inside the mailbox..) and all I end up doing is writing some smut on a white screen!

Love you too!

A horny Harper Coco! x

”Jay? You comin?” airhead’s voice startled him, comin? Oh yeah he was gonna come in a minute and on the spot, that was one hot e-mail, suddenly it felt really uncomfortable having an ex-lover stand here in the same room as him, an ex-lover Harper knew nothing about, just don’t get photographed with her, and hope that she soon has some catwalk to grace with her presence. “Jared? Shannon is waiting for us, the end of the show was almost an hour ago, I really want to go out!” she became a little more persistent like a a spoiled brat that was afraid not to get her way, and in the blink of an eye she snatched the phone from his hands “if you want this back, you’re gonna have to come along right now and if you’re a really..” she stepped in front of him and let her finger slide up and down over that part where his shirt met a bare piece of skin of his chest “really, really good boy, I might just give it back to you” she breathed and hopped out of the room into the hallway where Shannon was waiting for them.

#jared leto #jared leto fanfic #jared leto fanfiction #fanfic #fic #fanfiction #30 Seconds To Mars #30 seconds to mars fanfic #a man on fire #chapter 47 #harpercoco #Harper and Jared #caroline18mars

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seouledbysisi · 5 years

Text

Moonlit

Chapter 14

Sapphire walked along the Han River trying to clear her head. She wasn’t sure where her head or heart was. Woojae had literally came to her house immediately after he was discharged from the hospital which gave her the feels. She was the first person he wanted to see after a scary situation he had just been faced with. Maybe he really did care. It also didn’t help that Bloo had actually texted to check up on Woojae. He wasn’t the biggest fan of this guy but he cared enough about her to check in on someone who was important to her. That spoke volumes as well.

“I thought I’d find you here.” A quiet yet familiar voice spoke behind her.

Sapphire stopped walking and turned to her best friend. “How’d you find me?” She asked with a small smile.

Riley draped her arm over Saph’s shoulders. “Because whenever you leave the house without saying a word, I follow you distantly just to make sure you’re okay.”

Sapphire looked up at her. “Really? Wow! Thank you for being so great to me.”

“What are best friends for?! Now what’s wrong?”

Sapphire sighed and sat on the sidewalk. The breeze hit her face and pushed her hair back. “You’re going to think I’m crazy if I tell you.”

Riley slapped her leg softly. “Try me.”

“I caught feelings.” Sapphire answered plainly.

Riley raised an eyebrow. “For Woojae?”

Sapphire shrugged. “Yeah and-“ she trailed off the rest of her sentence. She knew Riley wasn’t a fan of Bloo so she wanted to keep that part to herself for a while.

“Bloo? I already knew.”

“How?”

Riley chuckled a bit. “The way you acted when he showed up to the club with another girl explained a lot. Your body language speaks louder than words babe.”

Sapphire rolled her eyes. “I don’t understand how this happened. Like I get the feelings for Woojae but Bloo, I don’t get at all!”

“I get it though, he’s making an actual effort now and sometimes it doesn’t matter what the person did in the past, sometimes all that matters is the present.” Riley rubbed her thigh a bit. She knew Sapphire wasn’t happy about these feelings.

“It just sucks because I honestly was at a space where I was somewhat ready to give Woojae a chance, like a legit chance. This hospital scare had me thinking about the fact that he could be gone any day and I’d be left wondering what if. And then Bloo’s ass makes a total 360 and becomes this sweet, caring person that I knew deep down he could be but it’s such wrong timing! Why the hell did he have to start being nice?” Sapphire buried her face into her hands.

“You know I don’t hate Bloo, right? I just saw where he seemed to have potential but he wasn’t using it. I actually think you and him sort of make sense. Sometimes even more than Woojae on his good days. You fit well with both of them so I can’t tell you who you should be with. Selfishly I want you to be with Woojae because him & Junwon are close but Bloo is growing on me. I just want you to be happy and I don’t want to see you hurt again.”

Sapphire exhaled loudly. “Bloo doesn’t even know about my past, you know? He’s kind of like the wind, I don’t know which way he’s going to blow so I haven’t trusted him enough to tell him. He doesn’t even know that I actually like him. I kinda don’t even want him to know. . .”

“Why not?”

She shrugged. “I guess because even though he’s being an actual friend, I don’t know if it goes beyond that. He has stated multiple times that he’s not the relationship type and he’s never told me why he feels that way. So I feel like having any form of feelings for him is really pointless and Woojae is the safer choice but it’s also not fair to Woojae if I enter a relationship with him knowing that part of me wants Bloo too.”

Sapphire’s phone pinged. Are you busy tomorrow night around 6ish?

“Whose that?” Riley asked.

Sapphire smiled a little. “Bloo. He asked if I’m busy tomorrow night.”

“I feel like something important is happening tomorrow night that we both are supposed to be at.” Riley thought for a moment. “Maybe not- I don’t know. Just say no to see what he wants.” She giggled.

I’m pretty sure I’m free. She texted back.

“He probably wants to hang out or something. We haven’t really hung out in a while. We’ve just been talking on the phone and texting which had been nice. He actually makes good conversation.” Sapphire revealed.

Riley gasped. “So that’s who you be on the phone with late at night when you be laughing like a hyena?!?!”

Sapphire covered her face. “I do not sound like a hyena!”

“Well gis concersations must be hilarious because you be loud!” Riley rolled her eyes. “You know some of us actually try to sleep at zero dark thirty!”

Sapphire waved her off. “Your ass be on the phone with Junwon too when he’s not staying over!” Her phone pinged. So there’s this industry gala type thing happening.

Mhm and? She responded to him.

“Okay so apparently there’s a gala?” Sapphire asked Riley.

Riley’s eyes bulged. “Fuck! I forgot! Oh my freaking gosh! Junwon is gonna kill me! I don’t even have a gown yet! Shit, Sapphire!”

Sapphire laughed. “Damn! I mean technically we can go tomorrow and buy you a dress, he doesn’t have to know that you’re not prepared!”

This might sound weird and you can say no if you want but I need a plus one. . .:)

Sapphire’s eyes widened. “He just asked me to be his plus one. What the actual fuck?!” She was literally shocked. Her phone pinged again.

Maybe this could be our first legit date? No pressure, you can still say no if you want.

Sapphire choked on her spit and began coughing uncontrollably.

“What is it girl?!” Riley asked as she beat her back.

Sapphire handed her the phone quickly.

Riley read the messages in astonishment. “Bloo? Asking you on a date? And the fact that it’s something fancy as hell! What has gotten into him?”

“I don’t know girl. What should I say?”

“Well I definitely want you there so say yes! I mean I was going to get you in regardless but this just makes my job easier now.” Riley expounded.

Well this is definitely a shocker but sure I’ll be your date.

The next day

The girls had been out at the mall searching for gowns to wear to the gala.

“So is this like a hip hop gala or what exactly?” Sapphire asked Riley.

Riley shrugged a little. “I think a lot of different independent labels are gathering together for this. So basically.”

“So Woojae is gonna be there?”

Riley glanced at her for a moment. “More than likely. Is that gonna be weird for you?”

“Ah, maybe. He didn’t ask me to go though so it’s all good.” Sapphire smiled it off.

“Would you have gone with him if he’d asked?” Riley asked as she pulled out a pretty gown.

“Of course. I’ve never turned him down for any other date he asked me on so why would I now?”

“Because Of Bloo?”

Sapphire giggled. “Bloo was in the picture all the other times too and that didn’t change anything.”

“But things are different now. You actually like Bloo and quite frankly he likes you too seeing as he actually asked you on a DATE!”

Sapphire shrugged. “I’m just taking it day by day. That’s all I can do. Hopefully my head and heart will all be on the same terms when the time comes.” She held up a gown. “You like this?”

“It’s sexy! I love it!” Riley winked.

They bought their gowns and headed to the shoe store.

“Is Junwon driving there?” Sapphire asked.

Riley nodded. “Yeah, is Bloo?”

“I think so. He said he would pick me up at 5:45.”

“I really hope our tables are near each other because it will be torture having to sit without you all freaking night! We’re gonna be surrounded by men!” Riley rolled her eyes.

Sapphire put the finishing touch on her makeup and fluffed her hair a bit. She couldn’t believe how good she looked. She wasn’t used to wearing fancy clothes like this.

The doorbell rang so she immediately ran to answer it.

Junwon smiled when he looked up at her.

“You look beautiful, it’s a shame that Woojae isn’t here to see it.”

Sapphire gave him a slight smile. “Thank you, just wait till you see Riley. She’s the beautiful one.” She moved aside to let him in. As she moved away from the door the doorbell sounded off again. She took a deep breath. “This is it!” She whispered to herself. She actually was feeling the nerves which never happened with Bloo.

She was pleasantly surprised by how well Bloo cleaned up.

“Wow!” Her mouth dropped.

“Whoa!” He said to her. “I’m sorry but you look amazing. That gown, your hair. Everything is perfect. Not that you’re not perfect anyway but gosh I don’t know how to explain-“

Sapphire smiled at him. “Your rambling is kind of funny. I know what you meant though. Come in,I’m almost ready!”

He pulled a rose from behind his back. “I wasn’t sure what kind of flowers to get, or if you even liked flowers which is why I only got you one. I’m sorry if this is corny or weird. I don’t really do stuff like this-“

“You’re rambling again.” She took the rose and held it to her nose. “Thank you, it’s not corny at all. It’s surprisingly romantic which is something you’re not. Normally anyway, no offense.”

“None taken.” He closed the door behind him and took a seat on the opposite side of the couch from Junwon. “What’s up?!” He spoke.

“What’s up?! You good?” Junwon replied. He noticed Bloo sweating a little and it wasn’t hot in the house.

Bloo wiped his forehead. “Do you ever get this nervous?”

Junwon smiled a little. “When it comes to Riley I’m always nervous!”

Bloo��s eyes widened. “And y’all have been dating how long?”

“A few months. But the time-frame doesn’t change how you feel or how that person makes you feel. It’s not bad that you’re feeling nerves, it means you’re feeling something real. Something tangible that you’re almost scared to let go of. You know what I mean?”

Bloo nodded. “So I’m always gonna feel like this?”

Junwon shrugged. “If it’s real, yeah. It’s like butterflies. I know men don’t like to talk about this stuff but it’s true. Nothing wrong with feelings.”

Bloo took a deep breath. “I’ve never felt like this, you probably already knew that though. She’s the first girl that I’ve ever wanted to be more than just- you know?”

“Well she’s like a sister to me and she means the world to Riley so if you hurt her then- you know?!” Junwon nodded.

“I know. I’m trying to be a better person. She makes me want to do better.” Bloo smiled and stared into space.

The ladies emerged from their rooms.

Riley

The guys immediately stood up and walked over to them.

Bloo pulled Sapphire into a tight hug.

Sapphire was taken aback. “You Okay?” She looked down at him. Her heels made her a couple inches taller than him.

“Yeah I’m good. I just want to say thank you for coming with me.” He smiled tightly at her.

Sapphire giggled a bit. “Okay- you’re welcome I guess. Thanks for inviting me.”

He nodded.

Riley eyed their interaction. “Why’s he being weird?” She whispered to Junwon.

Junwon smiled a little. “We’ll have that conversation later.”

They all headed to the gala.

When they arrived the ballroom was decorated so lavishly. The ladies were astonished. They couldn’t believe their eyes.

“Is Chaeyoung coming?” Sapphire asked as she looked around.

Riley shrugged. “She’s so occupied with Noah that we hardly ever talk anymore and when we do it’s quick texts.” Riley looked a bit sad.

“She doesn’t really talk to me either except when she comes to the club. She don’t even come to the apartment anymore. I guess if I had a boyfriend I’d be up under him too.” Sapphire responded.

Riley shook her head. “I have Junwon and I still make time for you!”

“I know but we also live together so we really don’t get a chance to not have time for one another. And plus this is her first real relationship, so it’s different. Bare with her, it’ll get better.” Sapphire pulled her into a hug.

Chaeyoung strolled up to them with Noah hand in hand. “Hey y’all!”

“Speaking of the devil!” Riley rolled her eyes.

Chaeyoung sighed. “You’re mad at me I know. I’m going to make time for you! School is hectic.”

“Mhm. Does Noah get to see you during your hectic schedule?” Riley asked.

Junwon tugged her arm a bit. “Give her a break boo. She’s young and in love.” He laughed.

“It’s my fault. I’m always making plans for us. I forget that she has other people that love her too. Don’t blame her. I’ll stop taking up so much of her time.” Noah intervened.

Riley gave him a small smile. “It’s okay. I understand.” She walked to the table that had Junwon’s name card on it.

Sapphire sighed. “You ready to sit down?” She asked Bloo.

Bloo nodded. “Yeah we’re over there.” He grabbed her hand and led her to a table that was in front of the table that Riley had just sat at.

Everyone took their rightful seats and waited to be served their food.

Sapphire turned around to get Riley’s attention and noticed the girl from the hospital sitting next to Woojae.

Riley rolled her eyes. “You okay?” She mouthed to Sapphire.

Sapphire nodded and turned back around. Her heart had dropped a bit. She knew Woojae was going to be there but she never imagined that he would be sitting beside his ex or whatever the hell she was. Her heart felt a sting.

Bloo grabbed her hand and rubbed it. “You good?”

Sapphire squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. She shouldn’t even be upset seeing as she was there with Bloo but at the end of the day he had asked her to come and it wasn’t fair for her to ruin his night all because Woojae had shown up with his ex. “I’m okay. Why do you ask?”

He chuckled. “Because I know you’re a little upset because boytoy is here with another woman.”

She shook her head quickly. “No no. I’m not. It just shocked me with who he’s here with. I swear to you that it’s not just because he’s with another-“

“It’s okay, you don’t owe me an explanation. I’m just glad you came with me.” He continued to rub her hand softly.

Sapphire smiled at him. She squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you invited me. You didn’t have to but you’ve made tonight special for me.”

He kissed the top of her hand.

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