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bestfriend491 · 1 year

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Introspection | Part 2 of 2

A Former Red Room Assassin Story

Nakia x Female Reader

Summary: Now that you're free, Nakia helps you do some introspection while doing some of her own. You start to heal and your feelings become clear.

Author's Note: I've split this into 3 sections so we can digest it better. 🫣 I highly suggest rereading Introspection Part 1 so your memory is fresh when you read this. I really hope that you enjoy this one. 🥹

Word Count : 12.5 k (this was supposed to be the shorter one 😭)

Tags: @izrinmabel1, @ashleyrosetto , @mybonafidefeelings, @phantomnmsblog, @iinkonde, @como731, @hi-to-all,

Healing, Comfort, Hurt, Angst. Soft

Warnings: Mentions of past violence, trauma processing, mature sometimes

INTROSPECTION- the examination or observation of one's own mental and emotional processes.

Section 1: I'm home and everything is worse now

{ BREAKING NEWS: A previously alleged dead Wakandan woman was spotted being brought back into Wakanda over 20 years after her ‘proclaimed death’: King briefs the nation. }

Your hands tightly gripped the edges of the soft bed that you sat on as you looked up at the TV screen. It was the only form of entertainment that you had in the room that you’d been staying in for the past 2 days.

Ironically your news story was the one thing playing when you’d woken up from sleeping.

You watched a reporter sitting at a table with T’Challa for a briefing on the ‘breaking news’ that had swept the nation by storm only hours before.

It was more for damage control: T’Challa had told you. Just a short interview to keep the journalists waiting for information on the situation away from the palace. Away from you.

You were assured that details on your past weren't going to be mentioned in it. Or at least, not for the night.

“King T’Challa. Earlier today information leaked about you and the Wardog Nakia returning home from Italy, with a Wakandan woman that was declared deceased over 2 decades ago. Are these allegations true, and if so, what can you tell us about this story? " The presenter opened the floor for T’Challa, the King, to speak.

“I can’t give you too much information regarding details on this case, “ he emphasised, “But I can confirm that some parts of the reports are true.”

“Which parts?”

“We did go to Italy to investigate a possible missing person's case.”

“And what did you find?”

“We found a woman - a friend - that we thought we lost many years ago. She has grown up and is very much not dead.”

“Was it Y/n L/n?” your breathing hitched at the mention of your name.

“I’m not going to confirm that it is. That would compromise the confidentiality of the people in the case.” T’Challa tried to clarify.

“With all due respect, my King. There aren't many other ‘friends’ that you have who died around that time. Are there?”

‘Here it goes’ you thought.

They knew already. Of course they did. Why wouldn't they?

You hadn’t been promised that your identity would remain anonymous.

And if they knew that, then it was only a matter of time before they found out everything. Who you worked for. What you’d spent your time doing over the last 23 years. Who you’d killed.

Suddenly you could feel your heart palpitating. Your lungs weren’t getting enough oxygen and your chest was tight.

The world in your head was catching fire, then slowly turning black.

You felt yourself beginning to get light headed, struggling to stay up.

You let out a call for help. A whimper, really. One that would never reach anywhere past a few metres away from you.

You were sure that this was the end. It would surely be a good representation of your life in general. Not really the climactic happy ending that you were hoping for.

You heard the faintest of voices outside.

“Help.” was the last thing you said before passing out, into someone’s arms.

“Y/n!” Nakia held your limp body as you nearly collapsed onto the floor. Shuri was quickly right beside her as her heart raced getting you onto the bed.

“What’s wrong?” Nakia turned to the young scientist.

She didn’t respond, rather getting to work on actually figuring out what it was.

“How is it even possible that a 12 year old could be declared dead and then found alive and well 23 years later, My King?” The noise from the TV rang through the room, sending a sharp halt through Nakia’s brain.

She’d left it on before leaving.

“Bast damn me.” she breathed out, turning it off and returning to you.

Shuri was hard at work, trying to get you to regain consciousness while checking you for any possible medical emergencies.

“I thought it might've just been an anxiety attack that put pressure on her heart,” she started, “but, something’s wrong. Can you call someone to help us take her to the lab? I have to do further testing.”

They got two Dora Milaje to help carefully get you to Shuri’s lab. Nakia hovered over you, making it clear to them that if they dropped you there would be consequences.

“As I was saying before. Something's not right here. Her heart rate is far too high. It's having an abnormally hard time trying to pump blood.

“Is she having a heart attack?!”

“No.” Shuri rolled her eyes at the question. “It’s something more minor than that. I’m just testing for any conditions. Why do you have to jump to such wild conclusions.”

“Shuri, I don't have time for jokes right now. You said her heart is struggling to pump blood. Why wouldn't I assume it might be a heart attack.”

“Maybe because I didn’t ’t say she was having a heart att-”

“-Nakia! There’s a situation at the front of the palace.” the General, Okoye, walked into the lab.

“What kind of situation?”

“A journalist situation. They’re saying that they won’t leave until they get to see the ‘reincarnated woman’.” she spoke like the senseless words physically pained her.

Nakia scrunched up her face in confusion and annoyance. “What reincarnated woman?”

Okoye shrugged, “Some news publications claimed that the woman who was found in Italy is actually a reincarnation of the girl who died. Not the actual person.”

Nakia scoffed, “A reincarnation that’s the exact same age as she would have been?” Okoye shrugged.

Letting out a groan, Nakia left the room to go deal with the situation. Okoye followed quickly after giving your still unconscious body a once-over.

You felt yourself begin to wake up again, moving your arm to shield your eyes from the bright light that blinded you.

“Sorry.” came a soft voice as the light disappeared. You waited for your eyes to adjust to being open before you saw that it was T’Challa’s sister.

“Shuri.” you reminded yourself.

“Mhm?”

You shook your head, “I didn’t mean to say that outloud.” She smiled at you, letting you sit up.

“Where’s Kia?”

"She had to go handle some press outside."

"Press?" You questioned.

"Some journalists took some out of context information and made a story about you being a reincarnation of the girl who died."

You stared at her, eyes wide. Then a sort of smile crept onto your face. You watched her examine a holographic image of your heart.

You said, "That's a shame. They missed the perfect opportunity to say that I resurrected. Now that would have been perfect. Maybe I should tell them that when I see them."

She stopped, looked at you and stared for a moment. After seeing your smile, she couldn't help but let out a laugh. She tried to cover her mouth, not wanting to laugh too hard at your weird sense of humour.

"I'm so sorry. What they're doing isn't right." She cackled out.

You added on, "I really thought it'd be worse. I've come to learn that logic and journalism in this world don't always go well together. Why not just add more to make the story better? Missed opportunities."

That made you chuckle to yourself. Reincarnated. You could only wish. That would be better than the truth.

Distracting yourself from the thought, you paid more attention to the hologram in her hand.

"Is that mine?"

She nodded.

You didn’t know what was specifically wrong with the image, but seeing her expression, you came to your own conclusion. That wasn’t how a normal heart was supposed to look.

“Um,” she cleared her throat. “Do you mind me if I ask you about what you usually ate?”

You were a bit thrown off by the use of past tense. Still getting used to knowing that whatever you consumed then was in the past now.

“Not much, really.”

“And drinking.”

You paused, hesitant. You just looked down, not elaborating any further.

She didn’t pry. Instead taking that information and moving on to scanning the next part that she thought was a possible cause.

She was in a state of flow in her lab. Just like the state of flow that she was in back in Italy. It was admirable really.

You sunk into yourself at the thought that you didn’t really have a state of flow. Your killings were coordinated, if that meant anything to anyone. Which you reckoned it didn’t.

You didn’t do much besides that so there wasn’t anything to grade yourself on.

Ballet was a coping mechanism, so it didn't feel like you could include that in your accomplishments.

Sleeping was something everyone did, so you couldn’t count that for anything. Even if you could, your sleep was no resting game. It was usually worse than being awake. It was the reason that you… did things that weren’t fully approved by him.

“That’s everything I need.” Shuri’s voice came again.

“You’re doing better than expected, but I need more time to figure out a few more things about your heart’s condition. I’ll come and tell you if I find anything later on today.”

“So you are the smart sibling?”

“I wouldn’t say that, but if you could repeat that to my brother the next time you see him, that would be great.”

You laughed, getting up from the chair.

“I’ll ask Aneka to take you back to your room.”

“Thanks.”

She left the lab for a minute, and when she came back she was with a Dora Milaje. Aneka, you assumed.

“Wait,” you stopped before leaving ,”How long am I allowed to stay here?”

“As long as you need to. This is your new home until you feel ready to go. But you can't leave for at least 3 months. I need to keep track of your heart.”

Nodding, you left with the Adored One.

Shuri smiled as you left the room, but as soon as you were gone, her face turned worried. She examined your heart's results again, not liking what she saw.

Footsteps came through the door, and she looked up to see Nakia.

“I finally got rid of them- wait, where's Y/n?” she asked.

“I asked Aneka to escort her back to her room and stay there until you were back.”

“Did you figure out what was wrong?”

Shuri didn’t say a word, her face answering for her.

Nakia visibly deflated, “How bad is it?”

“It’s not good.”

On your way to your room, everything was moving quickly. A lot faster than you remembered.

Aside from Aneka, every Dora Milaje was doing something in a hurry. Speed walking to cover up windows. Running to get outside.

The news had definitely spread around. And you couldn’t feel more guilty about the mess you had caused. Maybe it was better when you were at your apartment in Italy. At least then you were only disturbing a few people’s peace. At least then you only lived life wondering if anyone cared about you.

Now that you knew that they did, it was overwhelming. Now you were beginning to mean something. Meaning something meant that you had to be something. All that you knew that you were was a murderer. Who would love that?

“Do you want it on?” Aneka’s voice came through to your ears as you came back to reality. You turned to see her pointing to the TV.

“No.”

She nodded, sitting down on a chair while you sat down on your bed.

The two of you let the silence take over the room for a while, Aneka not being sure what she could say or ask, and you not knowing what to do to make her feel more comfortable.

“ I'm sorry you got stuck babysitting me.”

She smiled, “I don’t think that that is what this is.”

“You’re right. I’m a bit too old to use that word, aren’t I? I’m sorry you got stuck taking care of the person who’s caused a stir in your home.”

“It’s your home too.”

“Is it?” you asked. You'd been repeating that same question every few minutes since you’d been back.

Was this really a Kingdom that you belonged to? Was it really your home? You didn’t have much proof of it.

The ones that created you preferred running away without you over taking you and the one that raised you sold you. With that just being the surface of your suffering, you couldn’t help but question; did you ever really have a home?

You only realised that you'd been speaking out loud when Aneka responded.

“I think that you can make a home from anything that means something to you.”

You laid flat on your back and sighed, “What means something to you?”

“I have a person,” she smiled and looked up, clearly imagining them. “My person.”

You smiled at her, happy to see that someone had that. You watched her gaze up for what felt like centuries. When she came back down, she apologised, “Sorry.” but you could see that there was not one ashamed bone in her body. You liked that.

“Tell me more about this person.”

So she went on. Telling you about Ayo, another Dora Milaje. The one she had met and immediately fell in love with. She lit up as she talked about their entire relationship. The ups made her swoon, and the downs made her tear up.

Hearing her talk about where they were at that point made you happy. But you were interrupted just as she was talking about where she lived. Her beads lit up slightly.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, becoming tense again.

She sensed the panic in you, going in to touch your hand to reassure you. “Nothing’s wrong. Queen Mother Ramonda just wants to see you soon.”

“Oh.”

You let that information process for a moment. You had yet to see her since you returned. All you’d heard regarding her was the passing of King T’Chaka. You shed a few tears when you’d heard the news, but had been fairly okay dealing with the news for the last day.

“So, where do you 2 live now?” you reverted back.

“We live in a house in the river province now.”

You grew silent again. You didn’t want to ask for a more specific area, fearing that your former residence would come into conversation.

Some things were far out of reach when it came to your memory of your earlier life, but your house remained in your dreams for years after you were taken.

A thudding noise came to the door and you lifted yourself up. Aneka stood to see who it was.

Nakia entered as soon as the door creaked even slightly ajar.

“Y/n. You’re okay.” she let out multiple relieved sighs, engulfing you in a tight hug.

“I am.” You said, “And I also can’t breathe Kia.”

“Oh! Sorry.” she let go of you.

When she saw Aneka, she crossed her arms in respect, but it was clear that she was ready to dismiss her.

Aneka, knowing that she wasn’t fully needed anymore, tried to explain; “Ramonda plans to-”

“I know. I’ll let her in when she arrives.” Then she moved to her, giving her a hug. “Thank you.”

Aneka accepted, letting go of Nakia to get to you. There you hugged her. “Thanks for the glimpse of what life could be for me one day.” you whispered.

“You’ll get there sooner than you know. I’ll check on you later. Or maybe you can come to training when you’re cleared to and we’ll see each other then.” she returned.

You nodded, letting go of her and watching her go.

When the door closed, you let yourself back down onto the bed, feeling tired. Nakia sat next to you, her eyes doing the same thing that they had been doing since you’d reunited. Inspecting you for problems. Trying to see what was going on in your head.

“She’s one of our best Doras.”

“I could tell.” you looked at her.

Then you smiled at a memory, “I see you stood strong on not wanting to become one of them.”

She let out a soft laugh. That was the first reference you’d ever made to remembering something.

It meant that you weren’t fully gone. There was still a part of you that remembered who you were before- everything.

“I did. I chose the Wardog path in the end.” you hummed in understanding.

“I-” she paused, wanting to tell you that it was really because of your disappearance. She stopped herself though, seeing that you were having an okay day besides the heart thing.

There was no reason to try and bring up the bad stuff so soon after your return.

It was better to just let you rest.

Especially because of: the heart thing.

That, she couldn’t avoid. It was something she had been reeling for answers for since Shuri told her. It was the reason she was so eager to get you alone in the room in the first place.

“Y/n,” she began.

“Yes?”

“I have a question to ask you.”

You looked at her more intentionally, sitting up. You had a hunch that she knew what was going on.

“Go ahead.”

“When did it start?” she asked.

You didn’t need further explanation. You bowed your head down in momentary shame.

There was a lot that hung in that question. Answering would lead to more questions about it. Like how it started, or how you were able to keep it secret.

It would also bring up the origin of the story. The woman who raised you.

“It started a long time ago.” you went with that, though it didn’t satisfy you, and it definitely didn’t satisfy Nakia.

She tried a different approach. “When was the last time that you-”

“-Last week.” you cut her off, then immediately feeling guilt for it.

You sighed, letting the nerves move more equally around your body instead of accumulating around your heart.

“I didn’t drink when it got closer to the day of my missions.”

Nakia’s eyes raised in shock. “Were you gonna do something-.” she stopped herself. “Was he gonna make you do something in a few days?”

“Today, actually.” you answered.

Nakia was breathless. Speechless. Motionless.

She wanted to hug you tightly enough to protect you from all possible harm, but you weren’t reacting to what you were saying so she didn’t want to be the one who triggered you.

“��Why are you bringing this up?” you went on to ask.

“Y/n. Shuri says you have Alcohol-induced Cardiomyopathy. It’s putting strain on your heart.”

It was your turn to be breathless. Speechless. Motionless.

“Y/n? Y/n!?” Nakia asked.

You were unresponsive.

4 days later..

A cold breeze came through your clothes making you shiver as you stood outside in the palace.

It was late in the night. Probably just past 2 am if you were to guess. You’d been out there for 3 hours, trying to catch a break. The 4 days that followed your 2 health scares were filled with check-ups, invasive questions and Nakia guarding you like a hawk.

When you’d found her asleep for the first time since that first day that you were back, you took the opportunity to get some fresh air.

You could have gone with her, but you really wanted her to get some rest for a few hours.

If you were being honest, you wanted to be left alone for just a short while too.

Luckily, the reporters didn’t camp out in front of the palace at night, leaving when evening came. So you were free to go out without fearing that your face would be captured and spread all over the country.

You hadn’t been fully keeping up with the news but you were sure that the media still had plenty of questions regarding the story.

When you were seated on a bench, you heard footsteps approaching. Assuming that it was Nakia, you confessed already, “I just needed a break from all of the chaos.”

Instead of her voice, you heard a different woman’s voice. It wasn’t hers but it was still very familiar. “It’s not usually this busy.”

Queen Ramonda.

Or rather Queen Mother Ramonda now. You weren’t sure how to approach this, But there she stood, watching you look at her, not answering her. You must have looked completely lost.

“Ma’Ramonda?” you decided to say reluctantly.

“Y/n. my child, come here.” she opened her arms for you.

You stood up, walking into her arms and letting yourself be held by someone other than Nakia for the first time since your return.

“I-” you started, but got choked up in the process, tears rapidly forming and falling not just on your face but onto her shoulder. Embarrassed, you tried to release yourself but she didn’t relent, continuing to hug you.

“I missed you.” you finally said when you were calmer. “I really, really missed you.”

You laid your head on her shoulder, hearing sniffling from her at your words.

Ramonda was in her own state of shock. She had lost you, grieved you and eventually came to be at peace with you being gone.

Seeing you in front of her so long after it happened was the scariest thing she’d ever experienced in her life. Knowing that you’d gone through so much. It was a lot to come to terms with.

“I thought you were gone. If I'd have known; trust me Y/n we would have been searching harder. We would have found you sooner.” she pleaded.

Letting her go, you looked at her, tears in both of your eyes. “I know you would have.” you cried. You knew that it was true. She would have probably parted the oceans looking for you if she had known, but as far as you knew; Nakia kept her search for you secret for as long as possible.

There was no way that she could have ever known.

The two of you sat down, still letting a few tears flow down.

“I was beginning to think you didn’t want to see me again.” you laughed out a bit.

“I tried to see you sooner, but people from all over the world have heard the story and want details. We had to make a plan on how to approach everything in a way that didn’t hurt you while still informing the countries involved.

I should have tried harder though. I already failed you once, the least I could have done was see you.”

“Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I understand that you were busy. I was saying that as more of a joke.”

She seemed to be thinking about the older part of your conversation. “Not seeing you is one thing. Not confirming that you were indeed dead is another. I failed you with that one. There must have been clear signs at the time.”

You fell silent there. Your resentment for everyone’s lack of observance had faded long before. There should have never been a reason for everyone to look out for a child in case they were sold by their mother. You knew who the real one to blame was.

"I can't fully blame you. The mastermind behind it all must have put up quite a stellar performance at the 'funeral'. She could fool even the smartest people." Then you leaned your head on Ramonda’s shoulder.

"She fooled me for 12 years, anyway,” you sighed, “Made me think she loved me. Now I’m not sure if that’s even possible."

“Hey,” she took a hold of your chin, making you look up at her. “You are more than worthy of love. In every capacity of love that there could possibly be, you are worthy of it. I will never forgive myself for not being there for you and being a part of the people that make you feel like that.”

More tears left her eyes as you broke down in her arms. You did the same, crying as you thought back to what emotion it all led up to.

Over time you became more and more accustomed to this emotion. It made you feel just like you did when Shashi was dragging you to the helicopter. Fearful, and helpless.

You were scared.

For 23 years you thought that when you'd eventually get back it would all go back to normal. But it wouldn’t. It couldn’t.

You were home, and everything was worse now.

Section 2: When Trials Begin…

50 days into freedom

"I'll never forget!"

Shashi mouthed something to you, but you were in the vehicle before you could see, going for your necklace, you realised that it was gone. You'd lost the matching necklace that you had gotten with Nakia.

The tears started to flow, your need for saving setting in.

'Nakia was right.' You thought.

Slowly fading out of consciousness, the man turned to you as you sat in the helicopter and you flew off.

"My name is Dreykov."

The seat you were forced into was cold, and worn out when you became conscious again.

It was no longer night, but rather early morning. You looked around and realised that you were tied onto the seat.

Then came the horrid smile from before. Dreykov.

He was looking at you while he flew. His smile pressed into you from where he was.

"You're up!" He chirped.

You stayed silent, fear surrounding you. You were stuck in an inescapable situation. Even if you were able to get out of the knots that he had put on you, you were far too high in the air to try and break through a window and jump out.

Even adrenaline couldn't help you survive.

There was only one thing you could do.

Keep your mouth shut so he didn't kill you.

When you got down on the ground, he untied you observing your reaction. You were tired. Too tired to try and execute an escape plan.

He still gripped your hand firmly as he walked you to a secluded building.

Your breathing quickened at the thought of what was in there. You were young but you were well aware of what people who bought and kidnapped little girls did to them.

"No." You let out, tears falling as you tried to get his grip to loosen. The fear was becoming more than just an emotion. It was a warning.

It told you that you didn't want to see what was in there.

He stopped and gripped onto you, taking you by the shoulders with both hands.

"There's nothing bad in there."

You stood there as he breathed his words into your face. Your heart beating was all that told you that you were alive.

"If you listen and do what you're told to, you will live a good life here. You'll become something special."

You relented, letting his strength overpower your will to live.

In many ways, it really was the day that you died.

You woke up with a start. Tears falling down your cheeks as you tried to compose yourself.

‘It was just a dream’ you thought to yourself.

“Just a dream.” you whispered. But as you said that, the walls came down. You let out sobs, your insides melting out of you, leaving only a shell of a person.

“No, no, no!” you let out the one thing you wish you had screamed that night.

“No, no, no!”

Again and again and again you imagined what would have happened had you not relented. It was your third bad dream that week. Flashbacks of the first days at the room haunting and taunting you as you tried to navigate your new found freedom.

You were no longer distracted by withdrawal symptoms and people checking up on you every few minutes to see if you were okay. So your mind had everything it needed to make the nightmares vivid. Like you were reliving them over and over.

Sweat attached you to your clothes and your clothes to your bed, making it virtually impossible to get out.

“NO!” you screamed out, feeling a touch to your arm.

“Y/n!?”

“Huh!?” you were suddenly conscious of Nakia standing up from her position on your room's chair to get to you. You sat up seeing her in that worried state.

She approached you, as you tried to wipe your face and act normal.

“I’m fine,” you sniffled, wiping your nose, “Sorry for waking you up.”

Nakia tilted her head at you, moving closer to you. “You had another one?”

She opened her arms to you, and you couldn't help but lean into it, not wrapping your arms around her. Just laying your head against her stomach. She held your head as you cried into her shirt.

She tried to calm you down, your body shaking uncontrollably in fear.

"I was back in there again."

"You're not there again, Y/n/n." She spoke softly to you. "I know that it feels like you're back there but you're not. You're here in this room with me."

Drawing circles on your back, she breathed with you.

In. 'You are safe.'

Out. 'You are safe.'

In. 'You are safe.'

Out. 'You are safe.'

"Thank you." You mumbled.

She planted a kiss on your head. "Who was it this time?"

"Just him. It was just after we left Wakanda." You spoke of Dreykov, letting go of Nakia as you stood up.

Nakia knew most of what happened that day. You, having told her some of the details a couple of weeks before.

"Again. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"You barely did anything. I'm not even tired." She lied. You could tell but didn't mention it.

"The reporters have been slower lately. Maybe you should go out for a breather." She suggested.

"Am I ready for that?"

"We can just go to the training grounds."

You smiled at seeing her look excited about something for once. You weren't completely oblivious to the fact that she had barely left your side since you’d been back.

She didn't tell you much about what life was like before she found you. It was a topic of discussion that she often danced around.

"We can go." You said.

She breathed a sigh of relief at the answer.

The sun hung over you as you walked outside of the palace walls.

It showed you everything you had missed when you went out in the dark. The place that you once knew well was completely different.

The building was the same structure, and you expected new technology to have changed the way things operated, but everything else was different in ways you couldn't describe all that well.

It was different in a way that showed that the place had moved on without you. It felt strange knowing that if you asked when a new feature came in most people wouldn't remember it not being there before.

You felt forgotten in a sense. Like there were only 2 people who would help you if you were drowning with a million other people there. But you also felt selfish for feeling forgotten.

You felt selfish for having a twinge of resentment towards the people who were there when it happened and didn't do anything.

Sure, they didn’t ask questions where it was clear that they should have, and didn’t listen to the people who were asking them. But you couldn’t say you were mad at every person who fell for the con.

You were just…

Disappointed.

You would be forever grateful that you were out of Dreykov’s control, but you were disappointed. After all, your struggle wasn’t instantly gone when he was gone. You still had to do the extra work to make sure that you didn’t go crazy.

Distracting yourself as often as possible to avoid thinking about everything that happened.

It was hard. Your memories of the red room were slowly coming back and it was scary.

You’d never had to remember much of what happened when Dreykov controlled your mind. All you did was the dirty work. He did the clean up.

Now you were being left to do the cleanup, and if you were being honest you weren't the best cleaner.

You felt a body rush up to you, a hand gliding into yours.

Nakia. The one person who never had a single doubt. You owed her the world for what she sacrificed to find you.

She could very well have permanently painted herself as a crazy woman looking for an impossible miracle to happen. But she never gave up on you.

You would never stop giving her your thanks. You couldn't even imagine the mental toll that that had and was still taking on her. Being told that you were crazy for that many years.

As she smiled softly at you, you wished you could give her a piece of the world big enough to make up for being the reason she lost more than half of her life.

If you thought about it too much, you’d start sobbing again, and that would only make her take you back inside.

She needed this breather far more than you did.

You walked around for a while, not really looking at where you were headed. Soon you were at the training grounds, Nakia following you along without question.

“Do you want to go in?” she asked.

“They’re probably busy.” you answered.

She tilted her head at you, something that you realised she did more often now.

“Okay.” you hesitated.

The two of you entered the main building that the Dora Milaje trained in. It was quiet. Mostly empty.

“Y/n!” you turned around at the call and saw Aneka standing at one side. You smiled, waving with your free hand.

Then you felt Nakia gently release her hand from yours. You looked at her, and she smiled at you.

“Go talk to her.”

“You make me sound like an anxious kid when you say it like that.” you scoffed playfully.

“Aren’t you?”

You didn’t answer, going instead to speak to Aneka.

Nakia went in the opposite direction, towards where Okoye usually was.

“Okoye.” she said when she reached her.

“Nakia!” Okoye greeted her with a hug. “You’re outside!” she laughed.

“You have jokes.”

Okoye couldn’t deny herself one good laugh, leading to Nakia reluctantly joining her for a chuckle or two.

The two went where they could sit.

“Where’s Y/n?” Okoye asked. She’d met you not long after your return. And though you aren't close like you and Aneka, you liked each other.

Okoye knew that you had to be close.

“With Aneka in the next room.”

“It was a bad morning so I suggested she get some fresh air.”

Okoye observed Nakia’s body language. “Are you sure you’re not the one who needed fresh air?”

“What?”

“When was the last time you slept a full night?”

“I don’t know. A few days ago. A few weeks, maybe.”

Okoye looked at her with an astonished expression on her face. “A few weeks?!”

“What? It hasn’t been that important lately.”

“Nakia,” Okoye placed her hand on one of Nakia’s, “You spent 23 years looking for Y/n and you've been her primary caretaker for over a month now. You’re stretching yourself quite thin here. You need to take a break."

“Okoye, I’m fine. Stop being so paranoid.”

“Am I? You look exhausted. Just take a break for a few days.”

“And who would be there for Y/n?” Nakia whispered, defensively.

“Everyone would. The two of you aren’t in your old world where you only had each other anymore. There are people here willing to help you and her. I’m here to help the both of you.”

“Look, I know you mean that but I’m fine. Y/n is finally doing better and I just want her to feel safe again. I don’t want to leave her to go ‘take care’ of myself.”

“Well if you don’t then who will, Nakia.”

“Okoye.” Nakia sighed.

Okoye held onto her hand a bit more forcibly, “Nakia!”

“Okoye! I can’t just leave her. I-” she felt herself choke up, “I don’t know who I am when I’m not taking care of her.”

That was the first time that she admitted it. For the first few weeks she refused to but it had been settling in on her for the last few days.

She wasn’t going to tell you, but there was less tension in her chest knowing that at least one person.

“I know that you love her,” Okoye paused for a while. She wanted those words to settle in.

“And that you want to be there for her whenever something bad happens, but you need to trust that she’s capable enough to call you if she needs to. Or ask someone else for help if you’re busy. I’m sure she’ll be more than okay with letting you rest-”

Okoye stopped when she realised that Nakia was no longer listening. Instead she was looking outside of the room, where yours and Aneka's voices had fallen silent.

She sighed, but let Nakia stand up to go find out if you were okay. Nakia walked to where she last saw you, and was relieved to still see you there.

Seeing her, you placed your index finger on your lips telling her to stay silent.

Aneka faced the other way. Eyes closed as she held her sword in its smaller state.

Okoye walked in right after Nakia and she watched in confusion.

Suddenly Aneka was rotating on the ground while lifting and maximising her spear. It was a fast movement that neither Okoye nor Nakia had ever seen before.

When she got up and finished the move, you smiled. “You did it!”

She opened her eyes, and ran up to you giving you a huge hug.

“Did the two of you see that?” she said excitedly when she saw the other two people in the room.

“We did. What was it?” Okoye asked.

“It was a move that Y/n suggested that I try.”

The two of them looked at you, and you avoided their gaze.

Okoye’s because you knew she’d want to know more and that wasn’t what you were interested in, and Nakia because the smile plastered across her face would make you start to feel your cheeks blush up.

Even with the avoidance of eye contact, Okoye started, “Can you do that?”

“No.” you shook your head dismissively.

“She can!” Aneka went. You gave her a look of disbelief.

“I mean I can, but I won’t.”

They all stared at you with pleading eyes for a while; their collective peer pressure making you give in.

You agreed to do it one time.

“It works better with guns but I think I can work with other weapons.” You looked around, finding a spare spear on the floor.

You proceeded to do the same thing as Aneka, but with much more skill. You went down on your knee in one swift move, maximised the spear and were able to get a few good swings out of it before you minimised it and finished your turnout again. It was a split second move. One that Okoye barely believed had happened.

You were just happy to not have stumbled in between. It hadn’t been that long since you’d trained regularly but it had been longer than usual and you’d taken a lot of new medications that could have easily thrown your skill off balance.

It was a lucky chance that you were still in fairly good shape. Lucky enough that Okoye and Aneka convinced you to do a few more demonstrations, with Nakia joining in only when asked to.

With all of you in a line doing that one move, it felt like when you were still in the red room practising the rotation with your fellow widow’s, only now it was less tense.

You allowed yourself to stumble every one in a while. You weren’t scared of some unruly punishment when you didn’t do it all the way right.

When the energy in the room hit below the ground, all you were left to do was struggle to catch your breath.

“You’re good.” Okoye huffed out, trying to remain less obvious about her struggle to breathe.

Aneka wasn’t as hard trying. Bending over, panting while trying to keep herself up.

You were in some pain, seeing as your Cardiomyopathy was still in its recovering stages.

Nakia was the best one out of the 4 of you, her composure being commendable.

An entrance through the door got you all standing up straight, trying to be natural.

Ayo and a few of the other Dora Milaje walked inside.

“What’s going on here?” She asked.

“Nothing, beloved” Aneka lied through heavy breaths.

Ayo didn’t ask anything else. Just shook her head and went about her business.

“We should go.” Nakia laughed. You nodded, pulling yourself together before saying your goodbyes and leaving with her.

When you got out, it was still early afternoon.

“You’re impressive.” she took hold of your hand again.

“I’d hope so. 23 years has to be good for something.” you tried to approach it in a lighter way, but Nakia’s face clearly showed that she didn’t see it like that.

“That was supposed to make you laugh.”

“Oh, you were trying to make a joke?” you nodded, not realising that you were becoming the subject of sarcasm. “I would have never known. It was so good I forgot to laugh.”

You shook your head, “Okay, I get it now. It was not received well by the crowd.”

She laughed at that. Then an idea popped up in her head.

“Come with me. I want to take you somewhere.”

You followed her as she pulled you around, making you run at some points on your journey. For a while you had no idea where you were going.

“Nakia, where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“The last time I waited to see, I was sold and flown out to Russia in a helicopter.”

She stopped then, giving you a dead stare of warning. You were trying it.

“That was the last one for today. I promise.” you said, allowing her to continue walking.

She made you close your eyes when you realised that you were in the River Province.

You trusted her not to take you anywhere that you’d feel unsafe, but you didn’t remember much besides your old house.

“Okay, stop.” she said, holding you back.

You heard water, so you had an idea of where you were.

“Open your eyes.”

You obliged. Opening your eyes to see the river of water in front of you. You looked at Nakia.

“Is this where we used to-”

“Yes.” She grinned, “We came here almost every day.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to get in there in my condition.” you remarked.

“I don’t”, she laughed. “We can just sit here for the rest of the day.”

You mouthed an ‘okay’ before finding the best place to sit on the ground. You stared at the flowing water, breathing in its pure scent.

“What did we do here?” you asked.

Nakia sat down close to you, laying her arm on you.

“We mostly just played around. Sometimes I'd convince you to let us go in for a swim. But we usually sat down like this. Talking about our futures.

When T’Challa would join us we would see who could hold their breath underwater for the longest.”

“He always lost.” you remembered, making Nakia grin.

“Mhm. And he was such a sore loser too. Always blaming us for messing up his strategy.”

You laughed, remembering that too. Some of the best moments were slowly coming back to the surface.

You remembered once pretending that you had gotten lost when the two were bickering, forcing them to figure out where you were together.

You remembered having one of your birthday celebrations there, and complaining to Nakia about your mother forcing you to invite everyone in your class, even the people that you didn’t like.

Images of you dancing with Nakia whenever new songs came out, and her splashing you with water when you weren’t looking.

A tear started to form at the feeling of finally remembering.

“I wish there was something like this when I was in the room. It would have saved me a lot of tears. I used to imagine the river when I wanted to escape the life that I had there. It was what I dreamt of the first night that he brought me there.

I dreamt of that day this morning. Only the beginning, though. I didn’t get to the part about the river. I always wake up when that happens. ”

“Maybe I'll get to that part of that dream today.” You offered comfort to yourself.

Nakia listened attentively. “Maybe you will.” she whispered, her throat blocked from her uprising emotions.

“Did you come here when I was gone?”

“No.” Nakia was very closed off about much of what happened when you were gone. She didn’t tell you much except that she kept looking for you every chance that she got.

Nakia knew that she had been concealing some information. She was just so used to wanting to let you talk about what you went through. She didn’t feel like her journey to finding you was worth any conversation.

But really, she just didn’t feel like she was all that ready to talk about it. When you took her hand, holding it close to your heart, her mind went to the one place she tried to avoid.

“My mother and aunt took me here the day we found out that you were gone.” she started.

“It wasn’t right here. It was farther off, but it was still by the river. After that day, it was hard for me to want to come here. I felt like it would be selfish coming back here when you couldn’t.”

Tears develop in her eyes, Nakia trying her best to wipe them away. “I don’t know how you’re able to talk and joke about what you went through. ”

“It’s the only way I can make myself believe that I’m human.”

“Human?”

“I was trained to think that I was a dangerous machine. Not a human. Humans get scared. They get hurt and they’re imperfect. I couldn't be or do any of those things.”

“But you know you’re human now, right?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t want to lie.

“Right?!” she nudged you to answer.

“Kia, I’m not a good person like you think I am. I had to do a lot of terrible things just to stay alive.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m not going to tell you.”

“Tell me, y/n! If I can trust you with my burdens then you can trust me with yours.”

“I killed people!” you let out with a heavy breath.

“It wasn’t just outside assassinations that we did. That was only after we graduated. Before that, I had to hurt girls to protect myself from being hurt. I had to kill them so I didn't get killed. There’s nothing human about that. There’s nothing good about that.” your face was freshly coated with tears. It was frustrating because it felt like they were never-ending.

“But that wasn't you, Y/n.” she tried to explain, “I know who you are and that was NOT you. “

You shook your head at her , “But it was. I did it too many times for it not to have been. I made people feel safe and then killed them when I had to!” you sobbed.

“Y/n, I know it’s still fresh in your head and I’m not going to rush you. Your mind hasn’t settled to see the evil that surrounded and controlled you yet, but I am telling you; That. Was. Not. You.”

Suddenly the morning’s events were being replicated. You cried into her shirt as you tried to pull all the remaining parts of your identity back into the shell that was you as a person.

With the day being so intense, Nakia felt like going to her childhood home was the best option for the night.

Nobody was supposed to be there, so it would let the two of you sit with your unspoken words without feeling pressured into talking.

“Did I bring gifts for someone’s birthday here once?” you asked at the memory of you carrying a large load of gifts.

“Not technically. You just bought the gifts as a thank you one day. It wasn’t anyone’s birthday.” she replied.

‘See? You’re human.’ she wanted to tell you, but she didn't. Instead, close the front door and switching on the lights.

‘See? You are human.’ you thought to yourself.

The two of you cooked and ate for the first chunk of the evening. Not many words being exchanged between the two of you.

You both feared that you would be brought into another hard discussion.

You were the first to break the silence.

“Thank you for staying with me.” you said.

Nakia nodded, but stayed silent.

Then she let out a breath, “We used to have a saying.”

You looked up at her, begging for more information.

“You would say love is beautiful-”

“-And you would say, friendship is better.”

You both brought your pinky fingers up locking them together.

“Y/n/n, You were, are and will always be my favourite person on this planet, and on any other planet beyond us. I’m going to be here for a long time.”

"What if I hurt you?”

“I’m good at defending myself too. If anything happens, I'll be fine."

"That's only gonna work if you give yourself a break, Kia. Whether you want to admit it or not, I am not the easiest person to constantly be taking care of. You still deserve a life outside of me."

"I'll do that." She said, reluctantly. She didn't want to start every hard-hitting conversation in one day.

"Good. I'm going to try and get some sleep."

When she tried to follow you, you stopped her.

"Only come with me if you want to sleep here." You started.

She nodded, waving you a good-night whilst she went to sit down and watch TV.

As soon as she switched it on; "In the latest news about our returned Wakandan woman; The adoptive Mother of the teen found to have been human trafficked 23 years ago is set to be put on trial in 3 months from now. This comes just over 1 month after she was arrested by Wakandan police. Sources say that she is struggling to find a legal team that will defend her."

Nakia smiled at that revelation, letting herself get comfortable for the first time that day.

That night, you got to see that part of your dream, hearing the sound of the river.

3 months later.

The sun rose at the palace, telling people that the day had begun.

You stood in the garden, taking in the beauty that was the sunrise.

Just as you got to a state of peace, you felt a push at the back of you.

“Ow, T’Challa!”

“It wasn’t me.” he whined like a child, “It was Nakia. She stood on my foot”

“It was an accident!” she defended herself. “What are we doing hiding behind here anyway? I thought we were going to watch the sunrise after climbing the tree. ”

“We’re looking out to see if anyone else is out here.” you explained.

“Exactly, Nakia! How would it look to others seeing 3 grown adults sitting in a tree like kids.” T’Challa added.

“You’re just trying to protect your Royal integrity.” Nakia said.

T’Challa turned to her. “Maybe I am. What would you be able to say? We’re actually leaders of the nation now.”

Nakia pulled a face at him, causing a stir between the two of them while you stayed watch.

You let the two of them bicker, and continued on your quest. After a few cycles of not seeing anyone in the distance, you carefully started climbing the tree, the two behind you following you as they continued bickering.

The tree in question had a nice base in the middle that allowed space for all three of you to sit.

The three of you sat, T’Challa in the middle with you and Nakia on opposite sides of him, and the three of you watched the sunrise.

The two loud ones stopped bickering and it fell silent in the tree. You all just sat admiring the work of the universe.

It was a new day for everyone. And you were all starting to get used to being like this again. Not scared of losing another one of you.

You were the chaotic trio again.

When the sun was fully up, you were already separated.

It was day 4 of the trial, and Nakia and T’Challa were obligated to appear.

You had gone for every other day. Today was your day to rest from seeing Shashi.

You were gonna take it to do anything but think of her.

You made your way to the training grounds.

You weren’t there to train with anyone. It was just a stress relief for you. First you’d do light warm ups, then you’d put on the new ballet attire that you’d been bought, and you’d dance for a while.

It was still a coping mechanism for you, but you no longer went out of your way to hurt yourself more in the process. You were less rigid and detailed, just doing what your body told you to.

You also stopped dancing on worn out shoes. Instead making sure to be aware of when they could no longer support you anymore.

You tended to lose yourself in dance, feeling like a human for once.

Though few people had actually seen you dancing, it was known to everyone that if you were in the training grounds, that is what you were probably doing and you shouldn’t be disturbed.

That’s why you were so surprised when a knock came at the door.

Going to open it, you found Aneka waiting for you to answer.

“Aneka!” you said happily.

“Sorry to disturb you. I thought you might like to join us today.”

You eyed her questionably. She never asked you to join her when you got into that room. She knew that you were dancing.

“The General asked if I were to ask you to join us today.” she confessed.

You nodded in understanding.

You packed up your things and changed into something better for the type of training that you’d seen them do.

When you got back to the main room,, you were greeted with an entire group of Dora mIlaje in the room. It must have been nearly all of them.

“You summoned me, General Okoye.” you said, crossing your arms in respect as you approached her.

She did the same, grinning at you. She was up to something for sure.

“I heard you were free today and thought that you’d want to join us.”

You scanned her face for lies, and spotted a few.

“Is that so?” you said, hoping that she would realise that you had caught on.

She did.

“We actually thought that you could help us with spear training.”

“Me?” you asked, pointing to yourself and looking around you to check if someone else was behind you.

“Yes, you.”

Then you looked at the rest of the Dora in the room and you realised that they were all already holding their spears.

“Are you all trying to use my ruthless Widow training to your own advantage?” you asked everyone.

A loud “NO!” unanimously came through the room.

“Yes!”

Almost unanimous.

You turned to the only one telling the truth. Aneka. The others glared at her. Including the General.

You knew what your decision would be, but you had to let them sweat for a while. You pretended to think about it. Then you did a half turn like you were going to leave, but you continued into a full 360 turn and smiled at them.

“What do you wanna do first?”

8 hours later Nakia and T’Challa were back at the palace. The day had been long and tiring.

News reporters from all over had submitted questions after the court session, making the interviews after the session only 10 times longer.

Nakia was so exhausted, she didn’t realise that you weren’t at dinner until almost halfway through.

“Where’s Y/n?”

“In her room. She came in not too long ago, looking like she’d had quite the day.” Raminda said.

“Did something happen?” Nakia asked, panicked.

“No. I think that she was training with the Dora today.”

Nakia laughed, “Y/n? Training with the Dora?”

Ramonda smiled at her. “Ask Okoye. Apparently it was quite an eventful day.”

Nakia took that with a grain of salt, finishing her food and making her way straight to your room.

“Y/n” she said entering your room without knocking all the way. It was basically your shared room.

“Nakia!” you said happily when you saw her.

She saw you wrapping your hand and was instantly by your side. “What happened?” she asked.

“It’s just a few blisters from training. Nothing’s wrong.” you almost laughed at her.

Still she went along and helped you wrap your hands.

“I’m getting better, you know. I’m processing things just like you said. I’m going through them instead of trying to step around them.”

She knew that, but she didn’t want to admit that she wasn’t processing as quickly.

“You are. And I’m proud of you.”

When she was done, she kissed both hands.

Not long after, you laid in your bed, in her arms.

“How was training today?” she asked. Your back facing hers as you talked.

You didn’t say anything for a while, letting the subtle sound of wind from outside occupy the conversation. Then you tried to distract her, “You looked good today.”

Nakia felt her cheeks grow flushed, but she knew what you were doing.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

You groaned, “Training was good.

Almost too good. Okoye’s been pestering me about a job offer.”

“To be a Dora?!” Nakia asked excitedly.

“No! I wouldn’t be able to do that. She wants me to become the Dora Milaje’s combat and weapons trainer. I would find the best ways to train them, maybe travel around for inspiration sometimes.”

“That sounds incredible!” you could feel the excitement radiating off of her body.

“Yeah, I’m not taking it.”

Nakia sat up, throwing you off of her. “What!?”

You looked at her and could almost see the rage smoke leaving her ears. Albeit you knew that she wasn’t mad, just shocked.

“Nakia, I know that you’ll hate me for saying this, but I still don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be handling any weapons.”

“Y/n,” she started.

You were ready to hear her give you the usual speech. But she didn’t say a word. Instead, she just held you closer, and gave the side of your head a kiss.

“You have amazing things to offer this world.” she said.

The next morning there was a box by your bedside. You opened it to see a familiar item of jewellery.

When you looked closer, you realised that it had changed only slightly.

It read: ‘Friendship is beautiful, Love is better.’

It matched the one that Nakia had been wearing the day before.

You just hadn’t noticed.

Section 3: What Happens After?

One year of freedom

{BREAKING NEWS: Shashi Jarenu pleads guilty to 10 criminal charges after 23 years of lying to authorities about daughter’s supposed death. She faces life imprisonment: Y/n L/n tells her truth.}

Nakia stared at the TV that sat in your room, watching your early morning interview on the news.

You and the interviewer came onto the screen.

“So Y/n. Before we begin, can you give an introduction for the people who might not know who you are. “

You looked into the camera, your smile making Nakia smile back at you through the screen.

“My name is Y/n L/n. A lot of people might know me as the reincarnated 12 year old who was found in Italy 23 years after her death,” you joked, making Nakia roll her eyes while the interviewer laughed with you.

“But on a more serious note. I am not a reincarnation. I was the 12 year old adopted daughter of Shashi Jarenu, who allegedly died 24 years ago."

"But you didn't die?"

"No, I was sold"...

WAIT!

SOMETHING WAS OFF.

Nakia woke up with a bit startled. She checked the news to make sure that she knew what was true and what wasn't.

She sighed in relief. Shashi's criminal charges were real.

After scoping everywhere, and turning the TV on, she laughed at herself.

You had refused to do the interview just a few days ago. You said that you didn’t want to be a part of the media attention pyramid like the journalists wanted you to.

It had become a running joke of yours and you weren’t willing to let it go.

Realising that you weren’t at an interview, she was surprised to see that you weren’t still in bed.

She was usually the first one up.

Her mind sifted through the things that could have led you to leaving so early and it all came to one conclusion.

The kiss from last week.

Nakia had gotten ahead of herself one night in the previous week when you were having a really good day together. She kissed you and you didn’t say a word for the rest of the evening, only smiling nervously at her.

She had planned to talk to you about it for days but you didn’t act weirdly about it until then. She got up and tried to call you, the call not even reaching your beads.

Frantically, she got ready. Calling and calling.

Something in her heart told her that something was wrong. She couldn’t lose you again.

She went around the entire palace looking for you, or anybody who had seen you, but unluckily she didn’t find anything.

When she saw the general passing by, she stopped her.

“Okoye! Have you seen Y/n?”

Okoye shook her head. “I haven’t seen her since training yesterday.”

“Training yesterday?” Nakia didn’t know that there was training.

“Didn’t you hear? She finally agreed to be the Dora’s combat trainer.”

Nakia shook her head. “Did she say why she changed her mind?”

“She said that she wanted to spend time helping others be better able to defend themselves. Even if it meant defending the monarchy who-”

“-are under no threat most of the time.” Nakia finished the sentence breathlessly. Just like she said all those years ago.

Okoye looked at her with questions written all over her face, but decided not to ask them.

Deciding to ask the more important question. “Why are you so eager to find her?”

“No reason.” Nakia said bluntly.

“Nakia. What’s going on between the two of you.”

“I kissed her last week.” Nakia wanted to kick herself for saying it so easily.

“You only just kissed last week?”

“Yes.” Nakia dismissed the tone of her last sentence.

“Okay, so what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that I’m not sure what that means for us.” Nakia started breathing deeply, trying to keep herself calm. Okoye joined her in support.

“Nakia, you’re overwhelming yourself.”

“I don’t know if Y/n will love me now that she’s gotten her life back.”

“You think that Y/n only loves you because you’ve been there for her when her life was a mess.?” Okoye asked. The Wardog nodded, seeing good reason for her to think that.

“Sister, Y/n has loved you since the very beginning and she still loves you. It’s not just because you’ve been there for her this past year. She genuinely loves you for you. If you’re worried about what you are, just ask her.”

"Okay." Nakia nodded.

Okoye gave her half of a hug, being called somewhere before Nakia could thank her.

Nakia ended up pacing around for another 4 hours trying to call you. Still there was nothing. Fear started to creep up again.

What if she lost you again? But this time not because of you being taken far away from her, but rather due to you choosing to leave her.

She had slowly been driving you away and you were probably sick of her.

Her thoughts had her wrapped up so deeply that she didn’t realise that she was finally getting a response back from you.

“Y/n/n?” she asked when she answered.

“Kia. Are you okay? Aneka called me after I left her house and told me that you had called her nonstop.” You asked her, feeling anxious about why she had called you 45 times in the last 6 hours.

“Where are you?” she sniffled out.

“I went to Shashi’s house.” you said.

Nakia’s blood froze.

“I’m coming. Don’t move.”

In 45 minutes Nakia was at the door of Shashi’s house, practically banging the door down.

“Nakia?! What’s going on?” you asked her as she searched your face for any injuries.

She spun you around a few times making sure that you were completely intact.

“I’m okay.” you said, smiling as she finally seemed to calm down.

For what felt like the millionth time that year, tears formed in her eyes. They were happy tears though. Tears of relief and joy. You opened your arms to her, allowing her to come into your embrace as the tears came in waves.

You kissed the top of her head. “I’m okay, sthandwa. I’m okay.”

She lifted her head at the term of endearment, but got distracted by the bigger question in her mind.

“If you’re fine, why are you here?”

You sat her down on one of the chairs that sat in the living room and told her about what you had been doing.

You told her about going to look for a house of your own with Aneka around where she and Ayo lived, having liked the houses there for months. When you were finished searching and Aneka left to do something important, you’d decided to take one last trip to the house where it all started.

“I came here to see it for the last time.” you breathed out.

“I found some of her stuff still here. I found the phone that she used to use to call him. It had calls. Texts. Emails. Just a whole lot of conversations between the two of them from the same year that she adopted me all the way to the day I was taken.”

Nakia tried to keep up with what you were telling her but she was stuck at one point.

“You’re moving out of the palace? Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.

You hesitated for a second, not sure if you wanted to have that conversation at that moment. Deciding that you did, you took one of her hands, “I didn’t know what would happen to us. What would happen to you.”

“What would happen to me?” she questioned, nearly taking her hand away at the implication that you were making.

“I just mean that I didn’t know whether you’d want to come with me or stay.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to come with you?”

Another pause stood between your conversation.

"Y/n," she repeated, "why wouldn't I want to come with you?"

“Because your world seems to revolve around me.”

“No it doesn’t”

“Nakia…would you have become a Wardog if you weren't looking for me?"

Nakia paused, stumped "I…I don't know." She sighed. “Why does that matter anyway?”

"It matters because I love you, Nakia. I love you, and I think you love me but I'm not sure if I can trust that you really love me or just don't know who you are without me. I've taken up most of your life with being gone. You never allowed yourself to find out who you were outside of being my protector. I don’t want to keep dragging you along with me if you’re tired. I want you to have a life outside of me.”

Nakia understood that. "What happens if I don't like who I am without you?"

"I'm not going anywhere. If you're struggling with finding out who you are, I'm gonna be here just like you were with me. I love you."

"You love me?" She asked.

“I do.”

"And you'll stay with me while I figure it all out?"

You nodded, "I'll stay with you as long as you'll have me."

2 years later- The Epilogue.

What happens after?

What happens once the person you've been looking for all your life is found and there's nothing else to do?

What happens after your life stops being a deadly situation?

What happens after you've found home in yourself again? After you've started to see yourself as human again.

What happens when the main driving factor for you waking up is no longer out of reach. When you've got everything to live for, but nothing to fight for?

Nakia questioned herself everyday. Who was she when there was nothing to fight for? Or nothing to prove.

She spent decades fighting for the same thing, getting it and only noticing then that that one thing wasn't her whole being.

Having to find out what life without you meant to her was more than challenging. She had to rethink all the decisions she made while you were gone. Going deeply into finding out why she made them. Whether it was for you or for her.

She spent weeks away from you, trying to find out what happened next.

When she got back, she was still unsure. But that was okay. There was always more after to come. If this after didn't work, she would find another one.

Nakia's jet came down from the sky, arriving back home after 3 months of going around to help with Wakanda’s new outreach centre's.

Getting out of it, the ground felt softer and the air clearer.

She smiled.

She was home.

Where the sky glistened both in the day and night.

Where she could take a break and be alone.

Where she was all of herself. Not a single piece missing.

She walked down the busy paths on her way to where she lived. She did it slowly. Letting anything distract her.

There wasn’t a timeliness for what she did anymore. She didn't need to walk like the world was chasing her. Now, she was a part of the world that she'd so long felt separated from.

She was free to go where she pleased without any guilt.

That's why she ended up going to the river instead of straight home.

The water was a part of her before, holding her fondest memories worthy of cherishing. But it was also going to be a permanent part of her after. It would hold better memories. Ones that she could think of without feeling guilty.

She didn't stay long. Wanting to get some sleep for once.

She went to her house, expecting it to be empty.

She was right.

It was quiet when she entered. Nobody was there.

She went to her bedroom, settling in bed.

She had people that she could call when she woke up. That’s if she wanted to go out. It had been a long trip back, so she would have to see how she felt when she woke up.

She slept for a few hours, waking up only when the sun was going down and she felt the need to get up.

Sitting in her living room, she heard a click at the door. Smiling, she stood up from her chair.

The door opened, and you walked into your home, looking down at the door in confusion. You hadn’t left it unlocked.

You looked up, and saw her. Nearly dropping your things.

“My love.” she said with a smirk, seeing the expression on your face.

“You're home!” you said, putting down your things.

You nearly fell over yourself trying to get to her. You took no time going to hug her. 3 months without her had been torture.

You held her head softly, as she held yours.

“I’m home.” she whispered, feeling the emotions coming up.

It had been the longest 3 months of her life. It had been good for her, but it was still the longest.

“I missed you,” she said.

It was the 3rd time that she’s gone on the same trip, so you were more prepared than the first 2 times. You knew that it was the best for the both of you.

But it was just as hard. You were glad to have her back in your arms.

“I missed you more than I've missed anyone in my entire life.” you said.

Looking at her, your lips met in a tender kiss.

You let her take the lead, holding you like she’d never let you go ever again.

You tried to keep up, gasping for air in the middle. With her arms around your waist, she whispered. “I love you.”

She let your lips linger.

“You look good in that.” she said.

You looked down at your trainer uniform, laughing. It resembled the Dora Milaje uniform a lot, but there were a few differences in colour. Yours had more green and blue in it by your request. It was to represent the river. Your strength in your after.

“I do. Don’t I?”

The two of you sat outside in your porch swing , looking out at your water.

Nakia looked at you wide eyes as you updated her on what you were doing while she was gone.

“So you left and they just stopped training?” she asked.

You nodded in dismay. “When I asked them what they had worked on while I was gone, one of them tried to show me something she learned 4 weeks before I left.”

“How long were you gone?”

"3 weeks!” you ranted, making Nakia cover her mouth with her hand as she chuckled. “If they become Dora’s by spring, I’ll be surprised.”

“They're almost as bad as you were when we were younger.” she said.

You eyed her, “I remember being better than a certain somebody”

“Better than who?” she questioned, testing to see if you were willing so go there.

“Do you really want me to answer that?” you asked with a smirk.

“I do, actually.”

“I think that I was better at-” she looked at you sharply. She was ready to get up to pin you down.

“YOU. You were better at combat.”

“That's what I thought I heard.” she said, happy with that. You didn’t argue.

She had your heart. You had hers.

You were her after…

And she was yours.

#Spotify #black panther #wakanda forever #okoye #dora milaje #nakia black panther #nakia #nakia x reader #nakia x female reader #nakia fanfiction #x female reader #x reader insert #x reader #aneka #the red room #dreykov marvel #general okoye

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giveamadeuschohisownmovie · 2 years

Note

How would you rank the phase 4 villains from best to worse (as of ms marvel/Thor Love & Thunder)?

FROM BEST TO WORST:

Xu Wenwu

Norman Osborn/Green Goblin

Infinity Ultron

Agatha Harkness

Arthur Harrow

Wanda Maximoff

Gorr the God Butcher

He Who Remains/Kang the Conqueror variant

Wilson Fisk/Kingpin

Ikaris

Sadie Deever and Damage Control

Karli Morgenthau

Najma and the Clandestines

General Dreykov

#MCU #marvel phase 4 #xu wenwu #norman osborn #ultron #agatha harkness #arthur harrow #wanda maximoff #gorr the god butcher #he who remains #wilson fisk #ikaris #sadie deever #karli morgenthau #najma #general dreykov #answered ask #marvel villains

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wandasaura · 1 month

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GOLD THATS IN YOUR EYES

summary — you’ve known natasha romanoff since she first defected to shield, but it’s taken you years to realize that you’ve loved her since then too

warning(s) — fluff, mentions of the ohio mission, hurt/comfort

prompt — finding excuses to be alone with each other x noticing their individual quirks

song — mood ring by kira kosarin

🌞⊹ ˚ . 18+, men/minors dni ⁺ 𓈒 ꒰🧺꒱ 🌷 ･ mommy maximoff ✧

Natasha Romanoff was not a very sociable person, in fact, she was quite the opposite. Most people would be surprised to learn that the infamous ex assassin was admittedly somewhat of an introverted homebody, preferring the chosen silence of isolation over bustling crowds where judgment ran wild. For a woman with such a bold way about her, she was admittedly rather soft. She was soft in the way she moved around the kitchen when nobody was around to watch her frolic through cabinets on the balls of her feet, arches deep and perfect, and heels exquisitely raised above the floorboards. She was soft in the way she spoke, too. Her words were always calculated, always direct, and blunt enough to be chalked up to dry humor, but if you listened closely, if you closed your eyes and let the weight of her spoken sentence weigh on your heart in the way she’d never intended for anybody to actually do, you’d notice the soft hitch to her tone that was endearingly Russian, and the way her nose twitched whenever she wasn’t sure how a comment would be received by the masses. Natasha Romanoff was a lot of things, but an arrogant agent was not one of them; not that she’d ever admit that.

You supposed that she felt a crippling need to assert herself as if she were in a position of calculated authority. Some could say that she was in a stance of power, having been deemed not only a level six agent but also an Avenger by time she was twenty-nine, yet even with the moniker of being the only reformed Black Widow to escape Dreykov’s grasp, Natasha was never the authoritarian she prided herself on being when others were around. Granted, you were never one to challenge the way she raised her chin when she was at the center of a room full of men, and you were never one to comment on how her shoulders squared defensively whenever someone took a step to close for comfort. She radiated confidence and certainty, but beneath all of the hurt that she had turned into defensiveness, she was merely a woman that had been wronged and burned by every bridge she’d ever dared to build. You saw her as such, she knew that you did, so maybe that was why she never tried to act that way with you. It was an unspoken mutual understanding that all bets were off when fate brought you two together.

Natasha Romanoff played a lot of games. She liked the challenge of breaking down her opponent before they had the chance to break her down themselves, but the second anyone got too close she pulled a mask over her features and her bleeding heart became a loaded gun. You’d never met someone so guarded in your life, and yet she placed all cards face up on the table whenever she got you alone. Natasha Romanoff was not the sick and twisted woman she allowed the general public to believe she was. She woke up screaming from nightmares bi-weekly, the rasp in her gravely tone not natural but consequential. She closed her eyes whenever she washed her hands in fear of the clear water becoming red with the blood of her innocent victims. She stepped only on the tiles that she knew were silent, scared to make ripples in the water and alert attention. People who didn’t know Natasha Romanoff would say she was something similar to the atrocities that occurred beneath the midnight sky, but you would say she was the shadow of sweet flowers that disappeared after sunset.

You noticed every miniscule detail there was to know about Natasha Romanoff, but you know that she noticed every detail about you as well. She noticed the way you avoid going out in the rain when it’s cold, and how none of your socks ever seem to match even on missions. She noticed how you migrate down to the kitchen in the ungodly hours of the morning just to bake pastries for the team to eat at breakfast, usually cinnamon rolls or blueberry muffins with a crumb coating that Wanda particularly is a fan of, but eventually, she’d unraveled that your little habit wasn’t merely because you wanted to be hospitable toward the people you fought alongside with when extraterrestrial disasters fell to earth, but rather because your mind needed something to focus on when the nightmares of human travesties became too paralyzing and suffocating to handle alone in the dark. The first time her attention to detail became apart was a gloomy day in November, the leaves not all fallen from trees but the air frigid enough to belong in a barren January day. At that point, you’d fallen into a routine of going out for a run through central park each morning, always returning with not only a coffee for yourself, but one for her as well, but with the downpour of raindrops the size of nickels, you’d chosen the lower level gym as your route that day. Natasha wasn’t much a fan of the rain, but she never minded freezing temperatures. She found you in the debriefing room that early afternoon, her hair sodden and crimped from pallets of rain that fell overhead, but in her hands were two cuts of still steaming coffee from your favorite little cafe. She’d tried to say that she was just in the area, but you knew that she had gone out of her way to assure that at least part of your morning remained unchanged throughout the storm.

Your relationship with Natasha had been an unspoken arrangement for as many months and years as you could remember, but recently things had changed. You’d always found yourself alone in a room, two friends existing within the same space naturally, but lately even that hadn’t felt so innocently charged, and you were as much at fault as Natasha was. The Russian lingered in the kitchen just to watch as you mixed together batter for muffins that Tony would eat half of, but you hung around in the lower level gym just to hand off a water bottle when she completed her workout. Any excuse either of you could grasp onto just to spend a few uninterrupted minutes together had been abused and properly overused, but there was no admission of feelings anywhere close to the tip of your tongue.

There were some days that passed, even now years later, where when you looked at her beneath the kitchen lights, or against the punching bags, you only ever saw the broken woman that Clint had brought in from the KGB. She’d been merely a shell of herself at that time, fiery red hair matted with knots and the blood of her targets, face smeared with dirt and gunpowder. You hadn’t been on base when she’d been dragged in wearing heavy metal shackles and dehumanizing cuffs, but Maria had filled you in on everything prevalent regarding Fury’s newest asset. It had taken you three weeks to run into her when you returned, traumatized from the loss of your team and spiraling into shallow thoughts of death and finality, but from the very first moment you’d never seen her as a threat, and she’d never seen you as the lucky survivor that walked away from a raid. Her eyes were soft, softer than the wings of a newly hatched butterfly, and when she stood beneath the sunlight on the deck of the helicarrier, accent thick and sweet like the spring breeze that carried pollen beneath its current, you’d seen the daintiest twinge of gold within the green of her eyes. Maybe it was at that moment that you’d known you wanted to spend your entire life at her side, or maybe that had come much later, but what you’d definitely realized in that first month of knowing her, was that she wasn’t as complete as she wanted everyone to assume she was. There was so much despair and longing beneath her mask of confidence and casualty, so many agonizing emotions that she’d never fully overcome. There were times where you wondered what could be missing from her life that even now, deemed a hero and residing amongst people that just wanted to do good by the world, but you always circled back to the heavy acknowledgement that aside from you and Clint, nobody truly knew Natasha Romanoff. She’d spent her entire life beneath the thumb of power hungry generals, and when she’d gotten a taste of freedom and self identification, she’d conformed to be the woman that everyone else wanted her to be.

Some days however, you saw someone entirely different beneath her eyes that still held specks of gold when the sun fell upon her the right way. You saw a woman that was confident albeit flawed, painfully witty although reserved enough to hide within the walls when she didn’t want to be seen fully. But sometimes when you looked at her, you saw a woman yearning to love in the fullest sense of the word, and that broke your heart the most. She had never been shown unconditional love, never been held softly yet tightly, never been allowed to love back. Natasha Romanoff had been taught that love was the greatest weakness any woman could surrender herself to, and yet she was finally at a point where she wanted to experience the tragedy of loving something temporary. Death was unavoidable, she’d learned that young, but love transpired through isolation even if it never felt entirely complete again. For the first time since you’d met Natasha, she wasn’t scared to submit herself to the experience of loving someone to a fault, even though it meant she could very well lose it all tomorrow. Even if it didn’t seem like it to others, you noticed the subtle ways that she made progress as the years progressed, and each time you looked at her and saw a willingness to explore emotions rather than suppress them, you wanted nothing more than to squeeze her tight and be the one to teach her how to love.

“Hi.” Your voice was soft, delicate as it filled the otherwise silent kitchen. You’d heard her sneak up behind you minutes ago, but only now did it feel like the right time to greet her. She was close, but too far, pressed against the island in the middle of the kitchen whilst you stood beside the sink, hands full of strawberries that Tony had asked you to turn into something delicious. You’d rolled your eyes at the billionaire who had made a habit of soliciting you for pastries, but here you found yourself in the kitchen anyways, trading hours of sleep for muffins that would be gone by the early afternoon. “Wanna help me?” You laid the freshly washed strawberries on a clean kitchen rag, falling into the process of patting them dry without much thought or intention. All of this came so naturally now; she came so naturally now.

“I, um, I could actually just go for a hug. If it’s not too much trouble for the busy, Chef.” Her voice was hoarse, scratchy and thick as it fell onto your ears. Without the running tap, you could hear the quiet hitch in her breathing, wheezing exhales falling out into the space between your warm and yearning bodies. Your eyebrows furrowed, hands abandoning the strawberries in an instance. In all the years that you had known Natasha Romanoff, in all the years that you had seen her in the aftermath of a nightmare, she had never asked for a hug. You could count on one hand the amount of times you’d ever hugged her, and they’d all been for your own selfish reasons. You spun around to face her, palms dragging across your pajama bottoms and riding the water that clung to your palms so you could embrace her fully.

You hadn’t spared her a single glance when she’d first entered, wanting to give her the chance and time to make herself known by her own judgment and comfortability, but now that your eyes traced the delicate shadows across her face, you could make out the unbridled tears brimming in her eyes. She was ghastly pale, a fitful sleep indicative by the deep bruising beneath her eyes. You’d never seen her so distressed, but for a single second you thought about how she’d chosen to seek you out instead of trailing down to the gym and bullying a punching bag like she’d gotten into the routine of doing.

“Can I touch you?” You asked carefully, not wanting to make any sudden movements and spook her back into her shell of isolation. This was progress, and selfishly you wanted any excuse to pull her in close and hold her tight. When she nodded, a weak and fragile incline of her head, you closed the gap between your bodies and melted into her chest. She held you protectively, like she’d needed to feel you to ensure that you were safe and real. A single hand reached up to cradle the back of your head, and her lips found a home on the crown of your head as she inhaled your scent deeply. “You know you can always ask for hugs. Not just because you had a nightmare, but whenever. I mean that.”

Natasha cleared her throat, though she simultaneously tightened her grip around your waist as if whatever she wanted to say would be enough to make you either run away or disappear entirely. You didn’t comment on it, letting her have the time she needed to get her thoughts in order. You grabbed onto her sleep shirt, tight fists bunching up the material and holding it possessively. Natasha felt the motions, felt the way the cotton shirt hugged her belly tighter now that most of the slack was taken up by your grip, and you smiled softly against her chest when you felt her breath out evenly. “Today’s the day we left Ohio.” She started, and immediately your head shot up to search her blue eyes. You’d heard little about Ohio, even littler about the little blonde haired sidekick Natasha found herself protecting for three years, but you knew that what had happened had ruined her. You knew that something as little as moving away was never as simple as it sounded for her. “It was spring break. I left without being able to tell anyone I wouldn’t be coming back. They- They ripped Yelena out of my arms. I– I will always come back for you. You’re the first place that has ever felt like home outside of Ohio. I just– I needed to tell you that I’ll always come back to you.”

“I will always come back for you.” You meant every word that you said, but you could see a cloud of disbelief hanging over Natasha’s gaze as she let your eyes meet again. There was something different about ehr now, something softer and smaller than you’d ever seen. It wasn’t unpleasant, but you couldn’t bear the thought of her so distraught, you especially couldn’t bear the thought of what she had looked like at only eleven. She’d been so young and the world had been so cruel, you just wanted her to know that she was loved, and she was cherished now. She wasn’t just another soldier anymore. “Nat, can I kiss you?”

She froze for a minute, arms slackening around your waist as she stared deep into your eyes, an onset of fresh tears threatening to fall from her own, but before you could withdraw your question, before you could backtrack and excuse your vulnerability as simply being exhaustion, she was pulling you impossibly close, settling both of her hands on your cheeks as she cupped your face and settled her forehead against yours. Her touch was familiar and foreign at the same time, a coming of age to all the daydreams you’d fallen into with her at the center of them all. You’d thought about this moment for months, thought about how her calloused palms would feel against every inch of your skin, her she was always cold but not uncomfortably so. Now, beneath the kitchen lights and her greenish-gold gaze, you realized that you’ve wanted her since the very first moment you met her. “I thought you’d never ask.” Her lips, still impressionable with sadness, curled upward into a smirk, but you didn’t waste a second to kiss it away and show her the truth about love and connection.

Natasha Romanoff had kissed more people then she could keep track of, but never had any of those intimate encounters come voluntarily. For so many years her life had been a means to the mission, but she was free now. Finally, she was entirely free. In so many ways, more than you could even contemplate, you were her first, and desperately you hoped that you would each be each other's last.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x avenger!reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff comfort #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff oneshot #collection: spring fling

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notanactressyayy · 1 month

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—𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐝 𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐚, 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐮𝐩—

pairing . Natasha Romanoff x fem! reader

summary . you both knew you would never be able to be together — so you had to take the shot, even if it would be the only and one time.

warnings . smut! I am not responsible for your content consumption! bottom! Natasha, soft sex, praise kink (?), cunninglingus, face riding, fingering, multiple orgasms, forbidden love, Red Room trope in general, non graphic violence, implied sexual harassment (Dreykov), cursing, angst.

notes . english is not my first language (🇧🇷) so I apologize for any spelling errors. feel free to leave any advice though!

disclaimer: they're both 18, before the graduation ceremony.

highschool sweethearts thing because I'm a simp for it. ^^

divider credits: @benkeibear

"Love is for children." they'd say, "love is a weakness." so how the hell did you manage? Natasha wondered, how did you kept the facade, even with all the things that happened between you, in secrecy from the rest of the widows — from Madam B, and from General Dreykov?

Because even her, one of their best widows, was starting to lose it.

Ever since the beggining, you were the most ruthless, emotionless, cruel widow they had. You couldn't remember your life before the Red Room, because it never existed. They took you from your parents when you were 2, and your training started by the age of 4.

You could swear you were born like that — cursed, without a heart. You never cared for anyone, for anything. Your only task was rob, torture, kill. Because the apple doensn't fall far away from the tree.

But somehow, that girl still managed to change you.

When Madam B put the redhead as your opponent, was when your whole perspective of life, of being, changed. God, you hated her. She had everything you ever wished to have — the longing for a family, the care for people, the gentleness. That showed whenever you went on a mission together — it wasn't a part of her characters, it was herself. When she spoke to you about Yelena and how she tried to protect her, when she took you to the dark warehouse to take care of your bruises.. especially when she insisted on covering your ears and mumbling a russian lullaby to muffle the sounds of the other girls screams in the night.

She taught you what love was. And that made you want to kill her. To kiss her. To tear her apart. To make her scream, and not from pain.

Dreykov always made it clear that romance, or even the slightest display of affection would result in severe punishment, or worse, execution. That was because he knew that the widows would never be able to find a partner outside his walls, so finding that need between each other was the only way out.

Yet, Natasha and you had an advantage point — you were the best of the best, the most talented widows. So first: he wouldn't suspect anything, and second: he couldn't kill his best agents. It would be his loss.

That's how she became your little secret. You were an hell of an expert, because you never let your feelings get in your job. Neither did Natasha, but it still shocked her.

It started with a simple peck on the lips by the age of 13, in the farris wheel of the amusement park you were undercover. Your cart was the one on the top, where you could see all the atractions from, and no one could see you. You tried to convince yourself it was just teenage curiosity, but it still led to that.

The hotel room of Belgium, Brussels.

You never knew the simple mission on breaking in a bank was gonna lead to that.

Natasha did everything in a rush, knowing that you could do it smoothly, but just to be able to spend a little more time with you. Like now.

You sighed deeply, leaning against the sink's counter and looking at your reflexion in the mirror. The cut on your forehead was stinging a little, but you decided not to pay attention. The redhead walked in the bathroom, just not expecting to see you only in a black lace bra and the black tights of the vest. You heard the click of the door, but showed little emotion. "Hey, Red."

"Oh, Y/n..." she whispered, her eyes searching for yours, wanting to know if you wanted her to leave. You gave her a shake of your head and a small smile. She walked through the door with a soft exhale. "I already settled the guns and all the weapons. I also wrote the reports, in case you're wondering."

"You spoil me too much," you smirked tiredly. "You do all of that just to have me a little more, don't you?"

Your joke made her look down a little. "Yes," she whispers.

"You do?" you raised an eyebrow, not expecting her to affirm. "Well.. we still have 5 hours before they retreat us, so.."

"Your forehead," Natasha cuts you off, frowning in concern, rushing to check on you. Her hands went to hold your shoulders as she studied the cut — she only realized your lips parted and your gaze at her when she felt the straps of the bra beneath her hands.

"It's fine," you whispered, clearing your throat. Natasha looked away for a brief second, before looking into your eyes again.

"It's not, let me patch you up—"

You shook your head, placing your hands on her waist and leaning in, shutting her up with a long, gentle kiss. You pulled away and met Natasha's dreamy gaze, her eyes a little disoriented.

"Y/n..." the redhead mumbled, her eyes fluttering close and her head dropping to your shoulder, as she sighed.

"God, the way you look out for me makes me so weak." you chuckled, your palm rubbing her back, fingernails grazing her skin. "You know you don't have to do that. I can take care of myself just fine."

"I don't care," she said, lifting her head again to get herself lost in your eyes once more.

The graduation ceremony was coming soon, and you couldn't care less about that — but with her, it was different. You both knew what the ceremony actually meant, and Natasha was scared. She didn't want her dignity off her. And not knowing how to deal with this, she just wanted to protect you, in a way to comfort herself, her heart.

"It's gonna be okay, Natalia," you smile, planting a little kiss on the tip of her nose. "It's not gonna be the first surgery they perform on us. Besides, I'm gonna be with you as soon as you're back on the dormitory, okay?"

"It's just," Natasha gulped, her arms wrapping around herself. She was thinking far, of the future. "Who's gonna want a woman who can't even do the basics? Who's gonna want a woman who can't give birth to a baby?"

"Me." you simply said, placing your hand on her cheek, Nat immediately leaning into the touch. "I will. Because when we're out, we're getting married." you giggled. "Wasn't that our promise 4 years ago, when we were 14?"

Natasha's eyes snapped back to you. It was clear she didn't want to think of that as a joke — she had to show you how much she felt for you. And she wanted- needed you to reciprocate her. So she completely forgot of all the damn rules. She grabbed the back of your neck, and unintentionally pushed you up against the wall, kissing you with urgency.

Your eyes widened in surprise, but fluttered close again as the shock vanished. Your hands went to hold her waist again, tightening as you felt her press herself against you.

"Nat..." you whispered against her lips, breaking the kiss. She looked at you, her lips grazing yours again, your noses brushing.

"It's our only chance," she whines. "We were pleasure toys for men since we were little, can't we have something real for once? Before everything falls apart?"

Your breathing hitches as she says that. You let your eyes close, guiding her backwards and outside the bathroom, towards the bed.

"It's forbidden, but who the fuck cares? Who knows if we're not getting killed someday, or if Dreykov send us to different bases and we never see each other again?"

"Natalia," you shake your head, shakily breathing. "Everything I've done, everything I did was for one reason — having you by my side."

Natasha whimpered, sitting you down on the bed and standing between your legs. "Y/n, I want to see you."

"Then do it." you replied with no hesitance. "you're the only one who I'd consent to, Natalia."

At this point, you swore you forgot everything else than how she slowly unattached the hostler from your hips, pulling the tights and panties down and breathing rapidly by the sight of you semi-naked in front of her. Before she could do anything else, you stood up, hand moving to zip down the tight suit they made you wear. Natasha whined, leaning herself into your hands.

"So impatient," you whispered, finishing with the zipper and removing the fabric of her body, taking your time to do so. She held your shoulders and let you slip it down her legs — along with her panties, which she wasn't expecting. Natasha gasped quietly as the air hit her core, making you smile softly and stand up again.

"Darling," you cooed, hands moving to her back as your face found shelter on her neck, gently nibbling and kissing there. "you're so pretty it hurts,"

"Y/n," the redhead almost moaned, tilting her head back to grant you more access. She felt the straps of her bra slide down her shoulders and bit her lip as her breasts were freed, the lack of the tight clothing giving both of you an immense relief. In a moment, your lace lingerie was gone too.

"You're so gorgeous..." you whispered in her ear, your fingers tracing all the scars on her body, which you were sure you already had memorized. "And you are mine."

"Yes," she nodded, wrapping her arms around your waist. The skin on skin contact from someone she actually trusted felt too good, too much. "Yes, yes I'm yours."

Natasha then gently sat you down again on the edge of the bed, taking your breath away as she kneeled down in front of you, her hands gently pushing your knees apart and holding them open like this.

"God," she whimpered, leaning her face to slowly press kisses on your inner thighs, your back arching a little with the contact.

You took a moment to look at her dreamily, your slender fingers going to tangle in her red hair and play with it softly. "Lyubovmoya, (my love,)"

Natasha swore she could cry now, from the intense emotions building up within her. She couldn't wait anymore. So she did just that — diving into you, her mouth finding your pussy, her tongue inside you, tasting you, savouring the sweetness reserved only for her.

"Fuck, malyshka, (baby,)" you moaned, the sensation of being filled by someone who wouldn't harm you almost sending you over the edge already. "Yes, just like that,"

Natasha whimpered softly, licking the juices that were already spilling out of you, her tongue moving in circular motions against your clit.

"Nat," your head tilted back, hips bucking against her face as your climax approached. "I'm coming, Nat, I—"

She moaned against your folds as you came, licking all of your arousal, her tongue fucking you through your orgasm. After a while, she pulled her head back and looked up at your face.

"You're so fucking beautiful between my legs like that." you murmured breathlessly, smiling in bliss. Natasha blushed, you could tell she really liked your praises. "Are you really ready for more?"

"This is such a bad idea," she lifted herself from between your legs and smiled weakly, straddling your thigh again and gently pushing your back against the bed. "But the best we'd ever have."

You giggled, crawling further back the bed and laying your head on the pillow, your hands pulling her on top of you. Natasha thought of everything but that.

"Y/n," she bit her lip, getting a little shy. "I don't wanna hurt you."

"Don't be a hypocrite." you smirked softly. It wasn't going to be the first time she had suffocated you with her thighs, one of her combat skills. "Let me taste you too."

Natasha carefully placed her hands on the headboard, lifting herself up and lowering her thighs around your head, so hesitant. You gently squeezed her flesh and pulled her flush against your face, making her gasp a little in surprise. In a second, she felt your tongue inside her. So that's how it felt.

"Oh my," she whimpered, closing her eyes tightly, as she slowly started to grind herself against you.

You moved your hands up her thighs, to her hip bone, running your fingers across the bullet scar she had there. There was no doubt that, of all the Red Room academy, Natasha was the one who most took the harshness from Dreykov — sometimes for punishment, for the so called reward for being a good widow, or even to protect you. So she deserved all the sweetness and care she could get, for once in her life.

"More.." she breathed, her eyes looking down at yours — not expecting you to be so skilled, looking closely at her as your mouth worked on her. Your eyes smiled at her, and she felt it.

"Such a good girl," you whisper, sending vibrations all over her body. You then inserted two fingers inside her, carefully laying her down on the bed and hovering your lips against hers. Not kissing her, yet. "As soon as we get out of here, I'll marry you. And I'll scream to the world that you're mine."

"Y/n," she cried, feeling a warm tear roll down her cheek — not knowing if it was the pleasure only, but also her emotions.

"I feel so lucky," you smiled, so softly, lips brushing against her cheek as you spoke. She giggled, her arms circling your neck. Natasha moaned as she felt your fingers brushing continuously against her g-spot, as if you knew her better than herself, and you did. "I would give the world to have you in my arms, and I have it, and I'll never let you go."

"Say that again." the redhead begged, bucking her hips against your hand.

"I'll never, ever let you go." you repeated, feeling her legs starting to shake. "Even if I have to die for that."

"If I die..." she whispered, and suddenly, a wave of arousal washed over her, and she threw her head back, her cum all over your fingers. You gently fucked her through her orgasm, and then licked your fingers.

Nat gripped your back, her fingers digging into your skin. You rolled over the bed and pulled her on top of you. She looked like a baby now, so innocent, so precious. She clinged to you, wanting more of your safety, of your love.

Yes, love. And it didn't matter if she was considered a child now.

"I-if I die," she continued, her voice so so small. Your fingers ran through her hair, through her red locks. "At least I had one good thing in my life. You. You're the only fucking good thing I ever had, Y/n. And I'll take you in my memories forever and ever."

"I love you, Natalia." you said with conviction. "I'll love you in my every reincarnation, in my every life."

That's when you heard a loud bang in the door. The tracker, the wire.

"Goodbye, princess." you held her tighter, as she buried her face on your neck.

"See you soon."

Everything went black. Two widows terminated. Two shots fired.

Dreykov would have to train two other girls to replace you, and it wouldn't be easy.

At least you were free now. And had to hope you'd be married with two kids and a picket fence for the next time.

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