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greenwitchcrafts · 5 months

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December 2023 witch guide

Full moon: December 26th

New moon: December 12th

Sabbats: Yule December 21st-January 1st

December Cold Moon

Known as: Drift Clearing Moon, Frost Exploding Tree Moon, Moon of the Popping Trees, Hoar Frost Moon, Snow Moon, Winter, Aerra Geola, Maker Moon, Heilagmanoth, Long Night's Moon, Oak Moon, Wintermonat, Moon of the Long Night, Little Spirit Moon, Wolf Moon & When the Deer Shed Their Antlers Moon

Element: Fire

Zodiac: Sagittarius & Capricorn

Nature spirits: Snow, Storm, & Winter Tree faeries

Deities: Athena, Fates, Hades, Hathor, Hecate, Ixchel, Minerva, Neith, Norns, Osiris & Persephone

Animals: Bear, deer, horse & mouse

Birds: Robin, rook & snowy owl

Trees: Fir, Holly & Pine

Herbs: Bay, cedar, chamomile, cinnamon, English ivy, evergreen, fir, frankincense, holly, mistletoe, myrrh, pine & sage

Flowers: Christmas catus, holly & poinsettia

Scents: Cedar, cinnamon, frankincense, ginger, lilac, myrrh, nutmeg, patchouli, pine, rose geranium, rosemary, saffron, violet & wintergreen

Stones: Bloodstone, blue topaz, cat's eye, garnet, jacinth, obsidian, peridot, turquoise, zircon, ruby & serpentine

Colors: Black, blood red, gold, green, red, silver, black & white

Energy: Alchemy, darkness, endurance, death & re-birth, higher education, publications, reaching out to others, religion, spiritual paths, travel & truth

Today, December’s full Moon is most commonly known as the Cold Moon—a Mohawk name that conveys the frigid conditions of this time of year, when cold weather truly begins to grip us.

This full Moon has also been called the Long Night Moon (Mohican), as it rises during the “longest” nights of the year, near the December winter solstice. This name is doubly fitting because December’s full Moon shines above the horizon for a more extended period than most full Moons.

In Europe, ancient pagans called the December full Moon the “Moon Before Yule,” in honor of the Yuletide festival celebrating the return of the sun heralded by winter solstice.

Yule

Also known as: Alban, Arthan & Winter Solstice

Season: Winter

Symbols: Baskets of clove studded fruit, Christmas catus, decorated evergreen trees, evergreen boughs, gifts, gold pillar candles, hung mistletoe, poinsettias, wreaths & Yule logs/small Yule log with three candles

Colors: Gold, green, orange, red, silver, white &yellow

Oils/incense: Bayberry, cedar, cinnamon, frankincense. Myrrh & pine

Animals: Bear, boar, deer (stag), pig, squirrel & tiger

Birds: Eagle, goose, kingfisher, lapwing, owl robin & wren

Stones: Bloodstone, garnet, ruby, alexandrite, blue topaz, cat's eye, citrine, clear quartz, diamond, emerald, green tourmaline, jet, kunzite & pearl

Foods: Caraway cakes, cookies, eggnog, fruits, ginger tea, nuts, pork, spiced cider, turkey, wassail & lamb's wool (ale, sugar, nutmeg & roasted apples)

Herbs/plants: Bay, bayberry, birch, blessed thistle, cedar, chestnut, cinnamon, evergreens, fir, frankincense, ginger, holly, ivy, juniper, mistletoe, moss, myrrh, oak, pine, rosemary, sage, valerian & yellow cedar

Flowers: Chamomile, poinsettia & yarrow

Goddesses: Alcyone, Aphrodite, Ameratasu, Bona Dea, Brighid, Cailleach Bheur, Demeter, Diana, Fortuna, Frau Holle, Frau Perchta, Frigga, Gaia, Hel, Great Mother, Idunn, Isis, Ishtar, Kolyada, La Befana, Maat & Tiamat

Gods: Apollo, Attis, Balder, Bragi, Dionysus, Divine Child, Green Man, Helios, Holly King, Horned one, Horus, Janus, Lord of Misrule, Lugh, Mabon, Marduk, Mithras, Odin, Ra, Saturn & Surya

Issues Intentions & Powers: Darkness, divination, light, messages/omens, purification, rebirth/renewal & transformation

Spellwork: Earth magick, happiness, harmony, love & peace

Activities:

• Set up & decorate a Yule altar

• Clean, organize & cleanse before decorating your home

• Make witch's balls to hang on your tree (protective & pretty!)

• Decorate & bless & Yule tree

• Stay awake until dawn to observe the cycles of nature

• Give gifts tomyour family & friends

• Donate your time or helpful items to charity

• Go caroling

• Hang mistletoe in your doorways

• Make Wassail

• Prepare a Yule Log

• Host a Yule feast

• Craft your own decorative wreath

• Decorate your house with Yule colored candles

• Welcome the Sun

• Go on nature walks & leave offerings to nature

• Meditate & reflect on the passing year

“Yule” comes from Old English geol, which shares a history with the equivalent word from Old Norse, jól. Both these words referred to a midwinter festival centered around the winter solstice, which traditionally marked the halfway point of the winter season. After the solstice—the shortest day of the year—the days again begin to grow longer, so it’s thought that Yule was a celebration of the re-appearance of the Sun &the fertile land’s rebirth.

The celebration of Yule is one of the oldest winter celebrations in the world. Ancient people were hunters & spent most of their time outdoors. The seasons & weather played a significant part in their lives. The customs and traditions associated with it vary widely.

Scholars have connected the original celebrations of Yule to the Wild Hunt, the god Odin, and the heathen Anglo-Saxon Mōdraniht ("Mothers' Night")

Some believe it marks the rebirth of the Sun (the God) from the Earth (the Goddess) & the cold days of winter will soon begin to wane. The Goddess is seen in her virgin Maiden aspect

In towns and cities throughout Sweden during the Christmas season, large goats are constructed out of straw. It is thought that the tradition originated in ancient times, perhaps as a tribute to the god Thor, who was said to ride in a chariot pulled by goats. In Sweden the goat came to be associated with the Christmas celebration, and the Yule goat is now considered by many to be a companion or counterpart to Santa Claus.

Related festivals:

Christmas- An annual festival commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ as the son of God, primarily observed on December 25th

Hanukkah- A Jewish festival commemorating the recovery of Jerusalem & subsequent rededication of the Second Temple at the beginning of the Maccabean Revolt against the Seleucid Empire in the 2nd century BCE.

Hanukkah is observed for eight nights & days, starting on the 25th day of Kislev according to the Hebrew calendar, which may occur at any time from late November to late December in the Gregorian calendar. The festival is observed by lighting the candles of a candelabrum with nine branches, commonly called a menorah or hanukkiah.

Kwanzaa- An annual celebration of African-American culture from December 26 to January 1st, culminating in a communal feast called Karamu, usually on the sixth day. It was created by activist Maulana Karenga, based on African harvest festival traditions from various parts of West & Southeast Africa. Kwanzaa was first celebrated in 1966.

A Kwanzaa ceremony may include drumming and musical selections, libations, a reading of the African Pledge & the Principles of Blackness, reflection on the Pan-African colors, a discussion of the African principle of the day or a chapter in African history, a candle-lighting ritual, artistic performance & finally, a feast of faith (Karamu Ya Imani).

Saturnalia-

is an ancient Roman festival and holiday in honour of the god Saturn, held on 17 December of the Julian calendar & later expanded with festivities through to 23 December. The holiday was celebrated with a sacrifice at the Temple of Saturn, in the Roman Forum & a public banquet, followed by private gift-giving, continual partying & a carnival atmosphere that overturned Roman social norms: gambling was permitted & masters provided table service for their slaves as it was seen as a time of liberty for both slaves and freedmen alike.

A common custom was the election of a "King of the Saturnalia", who gave orders to people, which were followed & presided over the merrymaking. The gifts exchanged were usually gag gifts or small figurines made of wax or pottery known as sigillaria. The poet Catullus called it "the best of days".

Other celebrations:

Feast of Epona-

Eponalia is the feast day of Gaulish Goddess Epona, the Divine Mare & in the time of the Roman Empire it was celebrated on December 18th.

Epona is known to be one of a very few Gaulish deities whose names were spread to the rest of the Roman Empire. This seems to have happened because Roman cavalry units stationed in Gaul followed Her & adopted her as their Patroness. This may have started because many of the cavalry troops were conscripted from Gaul as they were superb horsemen. From Gaul the Romans took Epona with them including to Rome where She was given her own feast day on the 18 December. They worshipped her as Epona Augusta or Epona Regina & invoked her on behalf of the Emperor. She even had a shrine in the barracks of the Imperial Bodyguard.

Hunting of the Wren-

A traditional custom carried out on the Isle of Man on the 26 December, St. Stephen's Day. It consists of groups of people going around villages and towns singing and dancing a traditional song and dance around a decorated wren pole.

The earliest and most common folklore story accounting for the origin of hunt the wren tells of a fairy/enchantress/witch whose beauty lures the men of the Isle of Man to harm, for which she is chased and is changed into the form of a wren. It is therefore in punishment for her actions that the wren is hunted on St. Stephen's Day

Sources:

Farmersalmanac.com

Llewellyn's Complete Book of Correspondences by Sandra Kines

A Witch's Book of Correspondences by Viktorija Briggs

Llewellyn's 2023 magical almanac: practical magic for everyday living

Wikipedia

Encyclopedia Britannica

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katsukikitten · 2 years

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Synopsis: Your worst nightmare comes to life after you receive a call well after midnight that isn’t from your husband Bakugou but about him. Rushing to the hospital you’re thankful to find him alive but when he comes to he asks to see his wife despite you standing there.

Warnings: Angst, dark themes, mentions of child loss, mentions of/contemplating abortion, mentions of difficulty conceiving. Cheating if you squint

Final Chapter : The final good bye, I’ll break my promise one last time. wc 8414

Master List

“Bakubro.” Kirishima calls out, garnet eyes following you into the sky. Eijirou knows, he fucking knows Bakugou just shouted out your name and it's only a matter of time before Bakugou becomes as volatile as one of the grenades on his tapered waist. The giant redhead swallows thickly as he tries to get to Bakugou as fast as he can.

Who the fuck was that brat? Who the fuck were you?

ssǝuʇǝǝʍS

Sweetness

Evol noʎ

Your voice echoes in his head, each pound of his heart sends blood rushing in his ears and beneath your voice, beneath the throbbing pain Bakugou hears a faint and constant BEEP that keeps time with his heart.

Memories exploding like fireworks in quick succession, so quickly it's difficult for Katsuki to keep up.

That's ɹno new ǝɔᴉɟɟo ɹǝƃɐuɐɯ. Ain't she a llod?

Come on Bakuqɹo you think she's ʎʇʇǝɹd

ɹᴉɐɥ ʎʇʇᴉɥs ɟɟo ʞɔnℲ

Fuck off shitty hair

It takes a moment for Bakugou to decode the snippets of conversation and although he does so with speed another memory begins to overwrite the last.

Vividly he remembers you at that desk with the water stained rings. Of your upturned nose the first time he asked you to dinner, the second, the third, and the fifth. Six times, six times it took over the course of a year and only then you accepted.

Eijirou better be right about your 'heart of gold'

The memory starts with you with your nose scrunched up, in a cute sundress you wore under a stuffy jacket for work, at the end of that date he saw a bright smile on your face.

He knows it's the same dress you wore today, with the same floral print. Hydrangeas.

The image begins to move, revolving around the dinner table as if it were the sun when really you were becoming the center of his universe. And with each revolution came a change. Your outfit, the style of your hair, the weather outside. Rain, sun, snow, stars. Faster and faster but not too swiftly that Bakugou couldn't see the one constant about the moving memory, of your wide smile and how your eyes softened.

You break the movement, leaning forward to blow out the candle that sat between you two whispering softly

Yes, a thoundtimes yes.

Snowy static of old film starts to clear as Kirishima comes into view. Deja vu settles in Bakugou's bones as the scene unfolds. He's asked this question before, Will ya be my best fuckin man? Except this time Eijirou is older than he recalls, this time tears fall down Kirishima's scarred cheeks. Salty water falling over puckered skin that wasn't there before. Bakugou knows shitty hair didn't cry the first time he asked, and saw the doubt in his eyes that his best friend pushed down for his sake. This time was garnet eyes, pearly with joyous tears as he claps his hand on Bakugou's back pulling him into a hug.

'Happy for you man, she’s such a good fit for you"

The tear that falls from Kirishima's cheek turns into a stream of percolating coffee as Bakugou now stands in the small apartment from his dream. A pink cup filled with ice that melts under the hot stream.

"But I want it in your studded cup," You pout voice weighed with sleep, "It tastes better when you make it in your cup."

"Well what's mine is yours and what's yours in mine ain't til next week." Bakugou had joked back, turning around to hand you your coffee and as you reach for it, brushing your fingers against his, you are no longer in his skull t-shirt.

Now lace clings to your skin emphasizing your beauty as it danced along your arms, back and throat in blinding white. The wedding dress he remembered in vivid detail, the same one from the dream he told his mom about last week with tears threatening to crack his voice and give him away.

Like it does now as he twirls you around and around in the first dance of joined souls, bound by rings and an unbreakable bond.

"Breathtaking." His voice echoes as he twirls you and the bottom of your dress sweeps away the thought and leads to the next.

Of all that lace discarded on the floor and him leaning over you. Nipping and kissing at your shoulders and he rasps with fluttering lashes. I love you . I fucking love you. Each panting breath darkening his vision before a loud BEEP brings him to something that makes his breathing slow and shallow.

Makes it difficult.

Beep

A soft pleading voice.

Beep

Smooth skin tracing along his fingers and features. Pushing back hair from his forehead.

Beep

A soft voice humming songs he loved, songs he knew his wife rolled her eyes to from how often he played them. Singing the lyrics she remembered.

Beep

He remembers that, he knows he remembers that because he tried so hard to open his eyes then, move his useless and parched tongue to let you know with a loving tease you were off key and mixing up the lyrics to each song.

Beep

But he was tired, so fucking tired. And his body was not only unresponsive but heavy. Hands, so many hands, pulling him down, down, down into the deep dark depths, whispering sweet nothings in his ears. To keep his eyes closed.

Beep

Come back to me sweetness.

Then the images shatter and each time he tries to recall what he's just seen the snowy static returns. Wrapped heavily behind self doubt; that he hadn't imagined a love that ran so deep to fill the void that his first wife left him with.

That he did deserve what you gave him.

Snapping jaws bring back the biting question of why the hell that little brat showing off his fireworks looked so much like him.

Did he have a fucking kid? Did his dreams of a family come true while he slept?

Was it with you? The ghost that winks in and out of his mind like a lighthouse in the fog. If he were to get closer would he crash and burn?

The fire in his chest seems to think so.

His friends seemed to think so.

But a bigger question pulls at the sinew on his bones.

Was he still lost in time?

He felt like it especially after those flashes as if he were suffering from an episode. The scar on his temple threatens to split his head in two as the movie played at such a speed it only spanned the few seconds it took Kirishima to get closer to him.

Even in his daze Bakugou sees the worry in Kirishima’s face. The warring emotions that flash in those garnet eyes that he’s known since he was 15. That someone he knows might hold all the answers, especially with how he looks towards the sky after you.

“You know her?” He grabs Kirishima’s metal shoulder gears roughly. If Bakugou was taller he’d have Kirishma off his feet easily, instead the metal starts to turn as orange as his gloves.

“You fucking know her?!” He snarls again, rage thick in his throat.

“Katsuki, please.” Eijirou is only begging because of the proximity to the public and of course Bakugou couldn't give less of a shit. Spreading out his hand and popping off explosions too close to civilians for the hero commission's liking. The crowd backs up from the warning as Izkuki lands next to the large men cracking the pavement beneath his red boots.

“Kaachan…” He tries with lifted hands as Shouto makes a barricade to keep the civilians safe by shielding them with a wall of ice. The action catches Bakugou’s eyes and pictures of Momo and Shouto standing closely together flood his mind.

Why the fuck were those hanging up in his home?

Where were the pictures of Bakugou and his alleged wife? As far as Bakugou knew there were none to be found that existed after his 21st birthday.

“You.” He snarls, pointing at Shouto who's eyes widen with surprise.

“Don’t play dumb you half and half bastard and don’t you dare fuckin lie. I know you’re fucking my ex wife. My wife… whatever the fuck she is! I know you’re balls deep in Momo.” His palms heat up as he thinks of melting off that bastard's face.

Or should he? Why'd he call Momo his ex wife first? His head throbs as his heart starts to crack, deep fissures running along the muscle. Breath tight in his chest.

"No, Katsuki it's not like that…" Shouto's brows furrow upward. The icy hot hero's heart is slowly being cleaved aparts as he looks at what was his first real friend. The two bonded over their remedial classes despite being the top of the class and that bond was exactly why he fended off Momo's advances. He thought he was helping.

They all did.

But no good deed goes unpunished.

“Katsuki please!” Kirishima grabs onto his middle lifting him up to keep him from advancing. Like a cat Bakugou slips from Kirishima's grip, rounding on him with a nasty punch that sends him flying into the ice wall. Large body leaving an indent in the icy barricade as the other two men begin to circle Bakugou.

"Kaachan, we don't want to fight." Yet green electricity and black whip danced on Izuku's thick fingers. A two v one fight would be easy for Bakugou, especially with how intimately he knew not only their quirks but his friends' fighting style. Tsk if he can even call them that.

"Stop using my given name. You buncha assholes don't deserve it!" He shouts, blasting Izuku with an AP shot that sends him flying into Kirishima who was just recovering from the lethal punch. A stare down between Shouto and Bakugou begins, reminding the hot head of the festival all those years ago. Funny how the blonde was so driven then by fighting. Driven by obsession to prove he was number one on his own fair terms.

Prove he was worthy of something.

The mixture of rage and the calm before a fight ebb in his blood, putting him in the perfect head space for the impending match. Shouto narrows his eyes and Bakugou knows he'll lead with ice.

He always does.

Bakugou's fingers twitch, palms heating and when he takes in a breath it's like something is pulling his mind in another direction. Away from the fight at hand and to more pressing matters. As if he was suddenly remembering something important he needed to do. The phone in his pocket started to become a heavy weight as he racked his brain and these new fragmented memories for any hint as to what the password to his cloud was.

Since his friends have been lying to him, he knew his phone wouldn't. Couldn't. Bakugou should have some sort of evidence on if Momo was actually his current wife or if it was you, the visage of his perfect love.

Just as Shouto brings up his arm, Bakugou aims his palms towards the ground. Launching himself into the air as his body goes on autopilot landing on top of that damn apartment building with the sad smiling door man that he’d pass on his runs. He isn't sure why he's up on this roof top.

Isn't sure why his eyes are starting to burn as the picture of that snowy VHS starts to become clear again.

The more he tries to quiet his mind the more that brats name drowns out his thoughts.

Daiki Daiki Daiki

Bakugou snaps his eyes open just to stare down at his phone, that password that eluded him over the years taunting him. It had to be this right? That name his "one true love" whispered to him while half asleep. Telling him in full confidence the name she'd chosen for their future son.

The name you chose.

Resounding like the hit of a gong as his fingers type out what surely couldn't be his password. He didn't know that brat. He didn't know you. It was just some weird fucking dreams. Some made up stories to soothe his broken heart.

D ▇

D A ▇

D A I ▇

D A I K ▇

D A I K I ▇

Enter

Folders pop up, flooding the screen with images that his phone has neatly sorted for him. Albums of friends, family, weddings and one dedicated to just you.

He stares at the wedding one for a long time, the album photo was of Bakugou and his groomsmen. Kirishima, Shouto, Izuku, Denki, Sero all lined up, all sharing a laugh. The ties and small peonies on the lapel are all a dusty pink. His heart races. No way, no fucking way. They all look older here than he remembers, then when he married Momo and he knows for a fact his wedding colors were red and black. Her request, cause he never gave a shit about that. He just wanted to build something with her.

But she was just too focused on other things and Bakugou, Bakugou had to let her go. He knew that then. He knows that now.

The thought comes on its own as he taps the album letting out a whimper as he sees that dress. The one he dreamed so vividly for a week straight this month, in a picture of himself and you gently feeding the other cake. Looking at one another as if they were the sun and stars above.

With each swipe of his thumb the memories come flooding back, less cryptic than they were before, hell than they were a few minutes ago. Feeling more solid, more tangible.

Real.

But what sends it all home, that Bakugou hadn't made you up, that his son he daydreamed of was real was the album dedicated to you.

Picture after fucking picture of you looking stunning. In his t-shirt with the fading skull under the moonlight. With you looking over your shoulder to see if he's following on a busy sidewalk. Of your side profile, face to the sun like a content cat, lips curled into a small, effortless smile. He knows the place in the last one, holding up his phone to the exact spot.

Here, on top of this apartment complex building, exactly where he stands.

Bakugou Katsuki begins to break.

Blasting the locked door to the rooftop open, rushing down a set of stairs to the apartment he came home to hundreds of times.

To the one he hadn't come home to that night. Your voice underwater again as the hazy fight comes to the front of his mind. It was over Momo wasn't it? Now and again that fight would come up, normally your insecurities blossomed under stress and after the two of you suffered a third loss in a row he knew you hadn't meant it.

Hadn't meant that he loved her more.

Fuck fuck but he proved you right didn't he?

All he can remember are bright lights and asking for his wife and saying it wasn't you. That it was Momo. After that the details get hazy.

Punching the code to the apartment door and it opens with ease. Instead of your sweet voice, or the smell of dinner or even the sweet scent of your shampoo he is met with a plume of dust.

The apartment is as the two of you left it. Images, no memories of the two of you flash around the apartment until it's all just blurred together.

His breath comes out shaky as he tries to come to terms with the past, wait how many years?

With the past six fucking years.

All six years he broke his promise to always be by your side.

You did so much alone because somehow he had forgotten.

Damning himself for it now.

Fuck fuck FUCK HE FUCKED THIS ALL UP and the things he said or probably said to you when he woke up. He needs to apologize. Needs to see you.

Needs to see his son and his family and, and

And why the fuck did no one tell him?

Why didn't you tell him? You were his wife weren't you?!

He rounds for the door as Kirishima huffs in the doorway.

"Why did you keep it from me?" Bakugou ignites, one hand grabbing onto his bare skin, trying to keep the rage at bay, to stop himself from attacking his best friend. Especially when tears are free falling from Eijirou's garnet eyes and the split lip Bakugou already gave him. Instead his hand heats up far too much, burning the skin beneath his glove, even then the ash blonde doesn't flinch. The pain was nothing compared to how he fucking felt.

How he knows he made you feel.

"I didn't want this. I didn't fucking want this." Kirishima chokes out, head still held high to block the doorway until his friend has calmed down, worried he'll go nuclear. He looked it with the sweat beading his brow, the grip on his arm as he damaged his skin.

"I just don't fucking get why no one told me. Why no one tried to fill me the fuck in THAT MOMO WAS NOW MY EX WIFE!" He grips at the front of his shirt.

"ALL OF YOU LET ME MISS SO MUCH. SO FUCKING MUCH OF MY SON'S LIFE. LET ME ACTIVELY CHEAT ON THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS. LET ME LEAVE MY WIFE ALL ALONE." Bakugou's screaming now, with each syllable the room clouds with more of that dangerous caramel smell and at this point Kirishima isn't sure Bakugou is in control anymore. Still the mountainous man explodes in his own right.

"I WAS DOING AS YOU FUCKING ASKED!" It echoes around the room, skin reacting from his emotions as he goes unbreakable, "YOU ASKED ME TO WATCH HER. TO CARE FOR HER. TO DO WHAT SHE THOUGHT BEST AND I DID. THAT FUCKIN QUACK DOCTOR PRACTICALLY TOLD HER NOT TO TRY!"

Kirishima huffs, deactivating his quirk and still goes on, "I was against this from the start, I tried, I tried so so hard to help you and give hints as much as I could but the more Daiki grew, the more you weren't picking up on, I had to stop. For your wife's sake. She was…she was healing with every birthday Daiki had. And I wasn't going to break my promise to you, I kept her happy."

Burning ember eyes clash with molten garnet before Bakugou shakes his head. Both men winded as if they've run marathons.

"I'm glad you fought for her. I'm really fuckin thankful you did. But no one was FIGHTING FOR ME! EVERYONE WAS FINE WITH ME LIVING A FUCKIN LIE. EVERYONE INCLUDING HER!"

Eijirou sees the hurt in his eyes, in the tears that fall and evaporate with each swipe of Bakugou's hands. Almost burning his own cheeks in the process. Kirishima comes closer, slowly, ever so slowly he wraps his arms around his best friend. Around his brother, pulling him into his chest and squeezing him tightly.

"She never told me anything that happened while she stayed by your side in the hospital. Only what the doctor said. I think something bad happened but you'll have to ask her." Kirishima's booming voice is small, a quake to it as he feels Bakugou melt in his arms. Defeat and sorrow hardening the anger into brittle stone. Bakugou finally wraps his arms around a thick torso letting out yet another unsteady breath.

"I want to see her." He says with conviction and Kirishima knew better than to hold Bakugou back this time.

"Mommy, what are you doing?" Daiki asks, a bit of panic in his voice as he watches you stuff anything you can get your hands on in his room into a small duffle bag.

"Packing." One word answers are all you can manage as sadness and anger fight over the intention behind your actions.

“Okay so Daiki’s birthday party is going to be awesome! Mitsuki insisted on bringing the cake since Daiki gave her a handmade invitation. Everyone should be he- uh what’s going on?” Mina asks as she finally makes it to the door, watching you rush into your room across the hall. She sees the suitcase on Daiki’s bed, watches his little hands undo all of the work you just did by throwing the clothes back on the ground with scared, confused huffs.

Mina stands there for a moment before she springs into action, trying anything she can to figure out what exactly happened while you were out.

Guilt is a word too shallow for the feeling that Mitsuki has. The thing that sits heavy in her chest and weighs down her limbs. She can’t blame this feeling on old age, no no, this was all her fault. Should she be seeing Daiki? Is she trying to buy his love with this cake and hero merch he asked for, exploiting her knowledge of his dad that he knows nothing about. The thought is almost enough to freeze her to the concrete beneath her red bottom heels.

No, no if that were true she wouldn’t be having these thoughts in the first place, still it creeps in, weaving between every other thought or so. She made a mental note to talk to you about this, if she was over stepping boundaries by accepting the invitation he sent in “secret”. Mituski had called you right away and you explained that you knew from the start, had to help him spell out the address. Mitsuki would feel better if she had a mom to mom talk about it, since she was lucky enough to be in Daiki’s life, and by proxy, yours, she wasn’t going to fuck this up.

Not this time.

Mitsuki sighs, readjusting her grip on the bags in her hands and just as she's starting to feel okay about this party a familiar voice calls out to her.

“HAG?!” Bakugou screams, it's almost enough to jar Mitsuki. Despite the mistreatment she’s given you, since her son married you he never called her hag again. She turns on her heel, lip curled up in a snarl. To anyone else Mitsuki looked irritated, annoyed but her son knew that face. He made the same one when he was trying to smooth out the hurt that disrupted every rational thought.

“You fucking knew too?” He hisses and Mitsuki sighs, eyes flickering from her son to the giant behind him before boring right back into her son. Katsuki is shaken, burn mark winking in and out of Mitsuki’s peripheral as she holds eye contact with him.

Just as Katsuki is about to break the silence his mother does first. Voice strong and laced with emotion, shame, hurt, or maybe it was conviction. Katsuki wasn’t sure but he felt it pinch at the point of his heart, pulling it down into his stomach and he knew he needed to listen.

“If you thought for one second, one fucking second, that I knew about Daiki, that I knew about her being pregnat six years ago, then you’re dead fuckin wrong. Had I been let in on this little secret that I had a grandbaby on the way then we wouldn’t be standing here right now. You would have been forced to remember every goddamn detail even if I had to hit you with a fuckin lead pipe myself and all before she had that baby! But there’s a reason she didn’t tell me and I won’t shy away from the truth. I said nasty shit to her thinking I was ‘protecting’ you from another heartache, so wrapped up in it that I was willing to say shit I didn’t even mean. Tsk and you can bitch me out, tell me how you told me so later. But right now.” She points her finger in her son’s face, watches the anger slowly melt from his eyes as she goes on.

“That woman in there, your fuckin wife. Went through something you and I will never understand. I’m sure you were hurt too boy and that you’ve been hurtin but keep this shit in mind before you go in there and nuke the poor Kirishima residence. She made a decision and stood by it. She endured it because she thought it was best for her, for her baby, and for her family. And even though it doesn't fuckin feel like it, that means you too son. She did what she thought was best for you.”

He stares at his mom for a long, long time. She never was a mom in the traditional sense, not like he’d seen in the movies, or in books, hell hardly anyone was a mother like Mitsuki. She was loud, brash and down right irrational at times and yet Katuski doesn’t think he would have gotten along with anyone else. Would have wanted any other woman as his mom.

Mitsuki, as sharp-edged as she was, still knew best how to comfort her son. Knew exactly what to say that he would get it best, once she sees that he understands she turns back around. He sucks his teeth and walks towards her.

She waits for her son to catch up and when he falls into step both glaring at one another, after a moment she smiles, turning away but her son still catches the tears in her eyes.

"Glad you're back to normal Suki."

“Momma, please I don’t wanna go, it’s my birthday I-” He pulls away from you, your grip tight around his small arm as he tries to push your hand away with all his might.

“I’m sure everything is fine, I haven’t heard anything from Kirishima, let’s just have his party and then-”

“And then what?” You whirl around on Mina, “And then fucking what? We just wait for him to show up? To ruin our lives again? He’s- he’s done nothing but destroy me. It’s all he knows how to do, just look at his fuckin quirk.”

Tears cloud your vision, dropping your son’s arm and he runs towards Mina, hiding his face in the fabric of her bright pink pants. Mina’s eyebrows furrow, she hears it again. The sound of your heart shattering at her feet like the glass of a vase.

Smaller and smaller the shards get and Mina is starting to worry you won’t be able to put yourself back together after this. With horror you watch your son shrink away from you as you reach for him. Moving to stand behind Mina, face still to her leg and that acts as the final nail in the coffin. Body filled with the urge, the implosive need you’ve wanted to do since you got that phone call from Kirishima at two am.

You want to run away, get as far away as you can and cease to exist because all of this, of this fighting, this rebuilding?

It was useless, futile to fight against a fate that deems you unworthy of happiness.

Besides, Mina was ten times the mother you were, it wouldn’t hurt to leave Daiki with her now.

So you turn, rushing for the door with no plan, no money, no possessions, just the hurt in your heart. Only to run into a solid body. One that you want to melt in, tell them all of your woes as you soak through the black fabric your face rests against, the comforting smell of spiced caramel. You push yourself away from him, gasping as you stare into his eyes. Slowly Mina scoops up Daiki and takes him into another room.

“You don’t fuckin mean that.” His voice is gruff, each step he takes forward you take back until he has you almost cornered. Enough room that if you wanted to you could slip away but not without one of his powerful hands catching you.

“I-” You clear your throat and catching Kirishima out of the corner of your eye gives you strength, “I do fucking mean that!”

“Ever since you woke up, you, you’ve ruined everything that I thought we had.” Funny how even in the back of your mind you still blamed him over something he couldn’t control. Your balled fists moving on their own as you beat into his chest.

“You did this to us. You fucking DID THIS!” And he just lets you, lets you hit him until you’re shaking, tears falling down your cheeks in fat droplets. He grabs onto your wrist when you try to give one last week punch. Squeezing without hurting you as he searches your eyes.

He isn’t sure what he’s looking for anymore. Familiarity, love? It didn’t matter, none of this did, just the question that burned up his throat.

"Why didn’t you tell me?” He swallows thickly, “All this time I was, I was fucking drowning, and do you know who saved me?" You, sweetheart you. This whole time I was fighting to find you"

The room is shrouded in thick silence, the air tangled up with grief and things unsaid.

"So why weren't you fighting to find me?” His voice is strained, looking down at you and you know, as if it wasn’t obvious before, that he remembers.

Remembers everything, things would have been easier now if he hadn't, still there is the smallest part of you that is relieved.

Before you can answer, little hands fight with Mina and the door to the room as Daiki rushes in, having overheard everything.

"Dynamight-kun is my daddy?!" He stares up at the pro hero. At his idol as his eyes begin to water. The emotion is too big to fit in his chest and too confusing. He's overjoyed, elated, how cool that his dad was THE Dynamight but, "But that can't be right, Daddies don't make Mommies cry and you made my Momma cry!"

His little temper flares, running towards the pro and letting off the most powerful pops his little hands can muster. Tearing at the fabric of Bakugou's pants, exposing the skin of his thighs but the skin remains unmarred. Not from Daiki's control but from lack of power.

If Bakugou is ever allowed back into their lives, it's the first thing he's going to teach him because Daiki's explosions will only get more powerful from here on out.

Instinctively he gets down on Daiki's level, fighting his own emotions on all the things he's missed out on but he can already tell you're raising him perfectly on your own. Would he just fuck this up if he came into the picture now?

Bakugou takes off his glove with his teeth, grabbing onto Daiki's popping hand looking deep into his son's eyes. Letting his heart do the talking.

"Sometimes daddies fu- mess up and make Mommies cry. Sometimes Mommies make daddies cry." He squeezes his little fingers gently, hoping this won't be the last time he sees admiration for him in his son's eyes, "Everyone makes mistakes, even moms and dads. Do you forgive me? I didn't mean to be lost for so long."

He's asking Daiki, he's asking you. You look away, unable to stomach seeing the pair together. Not because you are jaded or bitter that Bakugou was naturally a good dad. Of fucking course he was.

But because it hurt too much. Hurt to think about how all this time you didn't have to do it 'alone' even though you had Mina and Kirishima, Gods know you appreciated all they did for you, you still wanted and needed the support of your fucking husband.

Daiki's eyes look back and forth between Bakugou's before he wraps his arms around his neck. Squeezing so tightly as if he'll never let go and immediately Katsuki hugs him back. Presses his little body to his chest and grits his teeth harshly to keep the tears from spilling over.

"I forgive you. Granny said you were lost, so it's not your fault just don't make Momma cry again." Daiki's voice is soft, quiet and kind, "But momma has to forgive you too."

Daiki pulls away but keeps his hand firmly pressed against Bakugou's throat, as if Katsuki will disappear if he doesn't.

Another disruption steals your answer away as Daichi bursts into the room, fat tears falling down his cheeks as he looks at his mom and dad. At Daiki, you and Bakugou's strained reunion.

"Does this mean Daiki and me aren't brothers anymore?" Daichi asks between hiccups, his quirk activating on its own as he tries to rub his eyes with jagged fingers. Kirishima is quick to catch his hands, grip a little too tight as the scar on his eyebrow throbs.

"Mindful." He says softly, before Eijirou can comfort him, Daiki tackles Daichi in a hug, uncaring that his quirk will hurt him. It wouldn't be the first time they accidentally hurt the other with their quirks.

"Of course we're still brothers!" He squeezes and his voice is confident but tears well in his eyes, "You'll always be my big brother!"

"And we can still be our own daddies?" Daichi hiccups again causing the room to erupt in laughter except for Katsuki and Mitsuki.

"I'll explain later." You giggle as you watch the two boys' sweet hug quickly turn into boyish rough housing. Things return to normal so easily for kids, maybe it was because they could forgive so easily. Knew their relationship and love for one another was far more important than pride.

But as with all things, one grows out of that.

Kirishima catches Bakugou staring at you, the red giant can tell his friend has more to say.

"Boys, come on. Let's go play outside while Mom and I get things ready for the Bakugous- ah for everyone. Okay?" He goes to usher everyone out but Daiki is hesitant.

"Wait!" He rushes out of Kirishima's hands and bashes his head against Bakugou's thigh, "I'll see you later?"

Bakugou's hand follows the natural curve of Daiki's head, soft blonde strands in his fingers.

"Yea kid. I'm sure as hell not goin anywhere now." Daiki searches Bakugou's eyes for the truth and when he sees it he smiles widely. Running towards the exit before stopping in his tracks turning on his heel to hug his mother's legs goodbye.

"Love you. Call me if daddy makes you cry again." He says it so softly and you smile.

"Love you too. Be safe sweetness." Daiki takes that as his dismissal before he rushes towards Daichi who's bouncing on one foot to the other as he calls over his shoulders.

"I will!"

Now with the room empty except for you two, Bakugou turns to face you. Brows furrowed silently waiting for your answer.

Fuck this was hard.

“I…The doctor said it was best to go with what you were saying. That Momo was your wife and it hurt. It really fucking hurt for us to have that argument and then you say that shit when you woke up?! What was I supposed to do Bakugou, I was obviously never good enough for you. Your mom was right about that.” A humorless laugh leaves your lips

“She said that?” His eyes are dark, before he blinks away the rage, “What did I say then?”

“You were a total fucking asshole! Calling me an extra, telling me not to use your given name.” A crack in your voice you wish you didn’t have, it hurt even after all this time, stupidly you go on, “Taht I was some damn extra and I shouldn’t exist.”

“Sweetheart...”

“Don’t, don’t you fucking dare use that again. You called her that too ya know. Here I was thinking I had a special pet name from you and-”

“And you did.” Bakugou runs his hands through his hair, “I didn’t call her too many pet names, and I-. Damn it. In my head I thought you were her assistant. I lost so much time but I remembered so much of you.”

It’s his turn for a humorless laugh,

“I made Momo your coffee, I remembered how you liked it. Kept ordering the flowers for her that you liked. Everytime I bought her a gift it was something I would have picked out for you.” He sighs out, “I dreamt of you, of our wedding. It had me so choked up I even called the hag about it.”

“Don’t call her that.” Habit to chide him over it. He should respect his mother, even if she did act like a total bitch sometimes.

“I just- I just took you wanting Momo and her wanting you, when you woke up as a sign that we weren’t meant to be together.” You openly sob now and he steps closer. Even as you try to push out of the hug until you give in, accepting his comfort at least for now. He squeezes and it feels good. Feels good to finally cry on his chest. To let it all out to the person you wanted comfort from the most.

The smallest part hated you for it, for giving into him. You-you couldn’t keep doing this.

“Fuck fate, fuck that quak doctor, and fuck the universe. Gods forbid but next time tell me. I’m sorry it took me so long to find my way. Please, please let me be Daiki’s dad.” He lets out a shaky breath, “Let me be your husband again.”

In the distance you can hear the kids screaming and laughing. Of Mina welcoming in a bunch of kids who shriek when they see Red Riot in full uniform. Thinking of your son, of the hurt on his face, of the brave face he’s put on this whole time when he so desperately wanted to have a dad you sigh out. The decision made itself.

"You can be his dad.." Relief floods his system but only for a moment, "But you can't be my husband again. Not now."

In that moment it was as if you ripped out Katuski’s heart, holding onto it greedily as it bled out in your hands. As much as it pained him, he understood completely. Look at how far his beautiful, amazing, capable fucking wife got without him.

So if you wanted to hold his heart and onto your own until the end of time, then you could have it. He was just thankful to be able to see his son and to see you, even if that was from afar.

“Okay, I can do that. Whatever you need me to be, I'll be.”

Six months later

“Tamaki, Mirio, seriously I can’t thank you enough.” You say as you place down your last box of office supplies onto your brand new desk just outside Mirio’s and Tamaki’s office.

“Please we were begging Kirishima to have you back.” Mirio winks, taking one of the cookies you brought as thanks.

“B-besides, we th-thought you interviewed well.” Tamaki teases, straiging papers on your desk.

“Ugh, Tamaki! Please I ruined that chair and your flooring.” You pinch the bridge of your nose, to be honest the embarrassment is what kept you away from their offer for so long.

“It was no big deal.” Mirio winks, “Just bring your son to make up for it. Well we’ll leave you to unpacking. Let us know if you need anything.”

“Will do.” You beam at them as Tamaki goes down the secure elevator with Mirio in tow. After a few moments of unpacking the elevator dings.

“Back already?”

“Delivery.” The man holds a vase filled with hydrangeas. Reluctantly you sign for the flowers and hold onto them. The card peaking out with no sender, only congratulations written on the card. You didn’t need a signature to know who it was from.

For a moment you stand there frozen, do you smash it against the floor? Nah that would be a mess, smash it in the trash can then? Holding the heavy thing over the plastic tub you lift your arms, about to let go only to hold the position until your arms burn.

Sighing you place them into the trash can and push it under your desk. You’d deal with that later.

Another ding of the elevator, eyes going up to be met with dark eyes. Instantly you stand, face stone cold as you’re met with the last person you ever wanted to see.

In all of her elegance and beauty Momo stands in the lobby across from you. The desk keeps some semblance of separation as you stare her down coldly.

“Tamaiki and Mirio are out. Please leave.”

“I’m not here to see them.” She says softly, removing her shades and sitting at a chair across from your desk. You stand there in your pencil skirt for a long time and think about the irony of the universe's timing, “I just want to talk, please.”

A full four minutes go by. She still sits stick straight in the chair, looking at you before you sigh for the thousandth time in your life. Sitting across from her with pursed lips.

“You don’t have to say anything, you don’t have to understand where I’m coming from and I do not expect you to forgive me.” You suck her teeth at that but she talks on, undisturbed, “Bakugou told me about what you said. I explained everything as best I could. When you came in that night, before you fell off the face of the Earth for Bakugou and myself, I was on the phone with Shouto. One airpod in so I could hear when you came back. Seeing my friend like that, lost and having forgotten everything made my chest ache. Made me think of how short life was and how much I was in love with Shouto. I’m sure Bakugou never told you but in the beginning neither of us wanted to have kids. We wanted to focus on our careers, well things changed. Bakuogu wanted more out of life than number one, he wanted to have a family and in the time he and I were apart we fell out of love.”

She looks away now, looks at the grain of the wooden desk top as if it were the most interesting thing in the world as she goes on.

“I honestly thought I didn’t want to have children. So we both agreed to part ways. Then I met Shouto and funny enough Bakugou pushed me towards him. Because Katsuki saw that I wanted Shouto and was holding myself back even after we had been divorced for a few years. He bragged about how he was a good guy. I went for it and then I left him because apparently I do want kids, Bakugou just wasn’t the right one to have them with. Seeing Bakugou in that hospital room, seeing him battered like that, it made me realize that kids aren’t the end all be all for me. That having a life with Shouto is what I want and besides if he’s ever ready to be a dad we can always adopt.”

She stands up then adding to the end, “I just wanted you to know that and to clear the air. I loved Bakugou, yes, when we were married and I love him dearly now, but nothing more than a friend. That man adores you. The whole six years he was looking at me, he was searching for you.”

You fight to keep your hands from gripping your shirt over your heart. She puts her sunglasses back on and you still see the movie star tears fall down the perfect apple of her cheeks. She gives a smile as if nothing is wrong before she walks towards the elevator doors that open for her. Once the chrome doors close you double over. No tears this time but the sting of it all starts in your heart and reaches out to your fingers as you squeeze your eyes shut.

When you finally open your eyes you see those damn flowers. Gently pulling them out of the trash can and putting them on the edge of your desk with a sigh.

A year later

Daiki runs in circles ahead of you as the two of you walk down the street as the sun paints the cityscape in shining golds.

"Yay! I'm so excited to spend the weekend at daddy's!" Daiki shrieks, "It's still so cool I've got a pro hero daddy!"

"Yes yes but remember your manners." You remind him and he continues letting out all of his extra energy.

"Yes momma. I'll be nice to daddy! I love him!" Daiki hasn't stopped talking about weekends with Daddy since the two of you arranged this co parenting ordeal. Daiki was taking it well although every now and again you’d catch him asking Kirishima how to make two people fall in love again.

You just didn’t want to get romantically involved with a hero again, heart unable to take the pain or the long nights of waiting and wondering.

And yet here you were in that flowy dress with the hydrangeas blooming on the moody fabric.

The door comes into view as Daiki launches himself with a mini explosion, banging on the door of the apartment the two of you once shared with a shout.

"DADDY!"

It isn’t long before the door opens to reveal Bakugou still in his uniform sans his grenades. Mask pushed up keeping his hair out of his eyes, cheeks covered in a bit of soot as his black hero uniform hugged his body like a second skin. His thirties were treating him kindly and if anything he was aging like a fine wine.

"There's my fire cracker!" He says with pride. Picking up his son and holding him close. Even pressing a kiss to his cheek. You smile softly, hiding the pain in your eyes realizing this is never going to get easier. Passing Daiki's backpack of clothes. Bakugou holds onto the strap, holding your gaze and you can tell he wants to say something. That there's a weight on the tip of his tongue.

"Stay." It's gentle, all the gruffness in his voice snuffed out. Daiki, of course, has plenty of energy for it.

"Sleep over! SLEEP OVER!" His little fists hit Bakugou's broad shoulders with delight.

"One night?" Vermillion eyes stare into yours deeply before a cocky smile spreads on his lips.

"Besides, after all this time, I still remember how you like your coffee."

EPILOGUE

It’s early in the morning but late for Bakugou to be home. The stove reads 6am as birds chirp lazily outside, sunning their wings before they belt into song. Something stirs from down the hall and he clenches his jaw. He hadn’t meant to be too loud coming in but that safe door needed some oil on its hinges.

“Morning, didn’t mean to wake you.” He says softly wrapping his arm around his wife, smiling up at him, eyes struggling to stay open, “Go back to bed, I’ll be there soon.”

“Need to be up anyway.” A yawn, reaching the counter to get the medicine. Bakugou doesn’t say anything, just watches his wife with a soft smile on his features.

In the meantime he grabs his black studded coffee cup, fills it up with ice and gets the sweet cream creamer from the fridge. He sets the coffee next to his wife on the counter, looking at the belt of bruises from the injections. His strong beautiful wife was doing everything to ensure that their growing child was safe. His heart feels full as he stares at the strongest woman he knows.

Stares at you as the sun peaks in through the blinds in sleepy oranges and pinks.

“Thanks sweetness.” You hum as he leans over. Pressing a kiss to the span of your swollen stomach.

“Feeling okay?” He asks, another kiss on your stomach, hands there for a moment and fighting back the choked feelings as his fingers are kicked away, just thankful he can be here now. You give a small nod and try to usher him to bed, knowing he had been working himself far too much.

Slowly you look outside, the clouds candied cotton as you take the first sip of your coffee, putting the radio on low before you prepare meals for the busy day ahead. A soft, sad ballad begins to play as you sway slowly. Singing the lyrics softly to what you thought was yourself until a husky voice speaks up from behind you.

"I used to hear this song….while I was away." He clears his throat, wrapping his arms around your middle, swaying you both now in time with the music, "Used to think it was sad. That I was trying to get a glimpse of something I didn't have or that I used to have. Now when I hear it. It means something else."

He spins you around, taking his hand in yours as he slowly sweeps you around the kitchen as if it were an elegant dance floor. Circling around with what would normally be somber music but here, in the early morning hours. Under the pastels of the sun and the intense, loving gaze of his burning ember eyes it feels nostalgic, warm.

"Now when I look in her eyes. I get a glimpse of us." He puts his forehead to yours smiling softly, "A glimpse of us and our future. No longer focusing on the past. Focusing on you, me, our children, happy, healthy and growing. I see us."

Tears prick your eyes, the two of you have vowed to one another to always fight for the other. No more past relationships or time lost, just what the two of you had now. He presses the softest kiss to your lips, pouring his heart and soul into it, he wants you to know that it has been and always will be you that holds his jagged heart.

"I love you, Sweetheart." He murmurs and you lean up on tiptoes to give him the same kiss back. That you will fight for yourself, for your kids, for him even if the odds are stacked against you, even in the shadow of doubt.

"I love you too, Sweetness."

Hoping I’ll find…a glimpse of us.

#bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #katuski x reader #bakugou angst

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