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crvptidgf · 16 days

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Bad Blood • pt. VI

Mattheo Riddle x Reader

➸ summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, you find it difficult to let go of the past. Your trauma lies deeper than you think. When when you meet somebody who understands your pain, your journey of self-discovery and healing begins to set sail. For once, everything in your life seems to click.

➸ warnings/notes: reader is of romanian descent, afab! reader, mentions of trauma, descriptions of death and traumatic events, profanity, friends to lovers trope, hurt/comfort, eventual smut (18+), trauma bonding, eventual mutual pining, mentions of the golden trio being dicks for the sake of the story

word count: 2.1k

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BY THE TIME that the movie night rolled around I wasn't in the mood for it anymore. In the span of the past 4 or so hours, I had received at least 25 messages from Hermione and Harry. The contents varied from "can we talk" to more condescending ones like "you're ignoring us for them now?".

I sighed as I plopped onto the couch, everybody filing in as Theo set up the projector to face the dark, stone wall across from us. Pansy sat to my right as she chatted with Enzo and Blaise - something about their upcoming exam.

"Okay!" yells Theo as he claps his hands, "what are we in the mood for?"

"Pretty Woman!" came Mattheo's voice from behind me. Everybody groaned at this suggestion. He, completely unbothered by the reactions in the room, walked in with his bag on one shoulder, throwing it down next to the couch before taking a seat beside me.

"Hey, that's my seat," said Theo as he stopped fiddling with the projector to complain.

Mattheo threw his arm on the back of the couch before shrugging. "Find another one."

Theo only rolled his eyes as he finally set up the movie.

Draco sighed from the other side of the room, his arms filled with snacks that he probably stole from the kitchen with Blaise. "We've seen this about 3 million times."

"Well, do you have any other ideas?" asked Mattheo cockily.

Draco only crossed his arms and sat down onto an empty armchair after throwing the snacks onto the coffee table for everybody else.

My phone buzzed in my pocket for what felt like the millionth time today. I pulled it out to reply, maybe if I gave them a response just this once they'd leave me alone for the rest of the night. The intro to the movie began so I turned my brightness down to not disturb the others.

- - -

- - -

I felt a pair of eyes on me, watching my every move. I didn't need to look to know who it was - Mattheo, his eyebrows quirked up at me, his eyes scrutinizing the look on my face. I didn't like how he constantly seemed to be examining me. Sometimes it almost felt like he was trying to read my mind.

"What's up?" he whispered, his head dipping down to meet my eye level. Everybody's attention was still on the movie, and if they heard the intrusion of his voice, they paid no mind to it.

I shrugged, my body leaning to grab some popcorn before crashing back against the cushions. The boy beside me sighed, stretching his arms above his head before letting them fall onto the back of the couch, right behind my shoulders.

Trying my best to not tense up from the feeling of his skin brushing against my neck, I decided to chime into the previous attempt at a conversation.

"Ginny texted me. I told her I'd talk to her tomorrow."

The fabric on the sofa made an obnoxious sound as Mattheo shifted around, his legs readjusting as he thought about his next words.

"Is that such a good idea? That didn't go so well last time," he said hesitantly.

I pursed my lips, deep in thought. Shrugging once more, I chewed on the salty popcorn in my hand. "Maybe not. She said she'd be down to join us for lunch, though."

His eyes shot up in surprise. "Oh? I didn't think-"

"Mattheo, if you're gonna choose the same boring movie over and over, can you at least pay attention?" came Draco's annoyed tone. I only chuckled at Draco's agitation, continuing to watch the movie in silence.

The rest of the night passed by swiftly. I didn't receive any more texts, and Mattheo stopped trying to pry. Everything was well, and I was actually starting to feel better - the few hours we had to bond during the movie made my mood rise immensely.

But when the time came to go to our dorms, I began to sense a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Truthfully, sleeping had been rough these past few months.

The war was still fresh in my mind, as I'm sure was the case for everyone else. It was hard for me to open up about it. The only person I ever talked to being Harry, since he was the only one who understood how traumatic events still follow you no matter how hard you tried to lose them. He even knew what it was like to be plagued by recurring nightmares - ones that would make you wake up in a cold sweat, unsure of where you were, feeling like you were transported back in time to the root of the trauma.

However I haven't spoken to him about anything since summer ended, especially now that we were sort of on bad terms.

So, begrudgingly I made my way up to bed, praying that I wouldn't be cursed with another nightmare tonight. It was soon clear to me that my praying was in vain as I woke up with a start, my heart hammering as I tried to gasp for air. I was desperate to regain the oxygen in my lungs, my mouth hung wide as I drank in every breath.

Normally I would text Harry and he would occasionally call me to talk about it. Hearing somebody's voice always grounded me in reality, and when that wasn't possible, he would merely give me advice on how to fall back asleep, offering his playlist of meditations and calming music.

I didn't have that right now.

The next thing in my mind was to slip out of bed quietly and pad downstairs to the common room. It was deathly late by now, but a part of me still hoped somebody would be up reading or studying. Yet I knew that was only wishful thinking.

As expected the common room was blanketed in an eerie silence, the darkness engulfing me as I walked in deeper. The uneasiness of the dream was still lingering, and I hugged myself in a weak attempt to comfort myself.

Maybe lighting the fire would help.

I didn't stop to think that I actually had no idea how to start a fire or the fact that I could've just used a spell to do it. My mind was too flustered to think straight, and instead of pulling out my wand like a normal person, I start shoving wood blocks into the fire place, my heart still racing against my ribcage.

What the fuck was I doing?

"What the fuck are you doing?" said a voice behind me. The wood from my hands slipped as I jolted upwards, my hands shaking from the sudden intrusion, my nightmare, and my confusion at how to start a fire all at once.

"Enzo, what are you doing up?" I asked, my knees bending to pick up the dropped cargo.

He let out a breathy laugh, trying to be quiet so as to not wake others.

"I could ask you the same thing."

Rolling my eyes, I dropped my knees to the floor once more, grunting in frustration. "How do you start this stupid thing?" I said, my voice wavering as I tried not to cry out of both frustration and discomfort at my current situation.

Enzo walked towards me and sat next to me, his hands stopping my motions before pulling out his wand and casting incendio.

I resisted the urge to slap my forehead. "Of course... I could've done that," I almost laughed.

Crossing my legs, I moved backwards from the fire slightly, my eyes never leaving the flaming embers. The low light in the room was incredibly relaxing. I only hoped it would make me sleepy enough to go back to bed.

Moving to sit next to me, Enzo's gaze studied me, his eyebrows scrunched in concern.

"You never answered my question."

I ripped my eyes away from the fireplace, looking at him now. "Ah. You never answered mine," I said smartly.

He only rolled his eyes, a smile playing on his lips as he responded, "Mattheo heard someone walking around but he was too tired to get up so he texted me to check it out."

Scrunching my nose, I tried to hold in a laugh. He was too lazy to get up and look down the hallway, but he could text a coherent sentence to make someone else do it? Mattheo really was something else. Of course I was never one to judge - but he really wasn't what I expected him to be at all. He was kind when the time called for it, he knew when to be serious and when to joke, he was actually pleasant to be around.

Theo was growing on me, albeit slowly.

But Enzo? I still wasn't sure how to mend the broken friendship. Maybe it was already en route to fixing itself, but if I didn't say anything now to properly break the ice, when will I?

"I'm up because - well... a lot of reasons, actually," I said, my fingers plucking at the rug underneath me. Enzo said nothing as he waited for me to keep talking. He was always so good at listening, which is why I knew this wouldn't be too challenging to get out.

I didn't really know where to start to be honest.

"Enzo, listen. I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am-"

"Y/N-" he started but I interrupted him almost immediately. I was fully turned to him now, my eyes hesitatingly meeting his.

"Just let me finish. Please. I know I never gave you the chance to explain yourself, and I don't deserve the same right now, but I really need you to know how much I regret what I said to you that day."

My voice was weaker than I had hoped it would sound, but he mentioned nothing of it as he nodded and let me continue.

"You've always been good to me, you were the best friend I could've asked for. I never should've pushed you away, you deserved a chance and I never gave it to you... So much time has passed but I never forgave myself for how I treated you. Everything was happening so fast and I was so scared and I..." my voice cracked. I lowered my head as I took a deep breath.

"I was scared of losing you to the war, to the other side - and the only way I thought would make it hurt less only hurt us more in the end. I'll spend every singlet day making it up to you. Just tell me what I can do and-"

The air was knocked out of me as Enzo threw himself onto me, his arms enveloping me in a familiar warmth. He was too forgiving.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. We both did things we aren't proud of during those times," he said, his voice muffled by my hair. Pulling back, he kept a hand on my shoulder as he gave me a small smile.

"It means a lot to me that you're back, y'know. That's all I care about."

"And all I care about it getting some sleep. The fuck are you guys chatting about so late?"

Both you and Enzo whipped your heads behind you, the sight of Mattheo's sluggish body casting a shadow across the floor. He looked grumpy, like he was mad that he was so rudely awoken from his beauty sleep. Muttering a half-hearted apology, Enzo stood up to make his way bad to bed.

"Thank you," he said to you, but for what he was thankful for, you weren't too sure.

Mattheo watched as you bid him goodnight and made your way back to your own dorm as well. An unfamiliar feeling settled in his stomach knowing that Enzo was the one to comfort you during the deep hours of the night and not him - but why that was he didn't know. Perhaps it was his ego talking. Yeah. That was it - he was just upset that Enzo would get the credit of being a better friend than him.

At least that's what he told himself to help him fall asleep.

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crvptidgf · 19 days

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Bad Blood • pt. V

Mattheo Riddle x Reader

word count: 2.6k

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I FELT AN agonizing, nauseating fit of anxiety the next day. I didn't have a chance to talk to the Gryffindors after my little chat about uniting the groups in the common room. Not that I minded - I was honestly kind of dreading bringing the idea up.

Truthfully, I didn't think they would take it too badly. Sure, they wouldn't be ecstatic about it, but I'd hoped it would run somewhat smoothly.

I was wrong.

"You want to what?" asked Ron, the bewildered expression on his face growing by the minute.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" asked Harry, his eyes fixed on Ron's.

I sighed, feeling stupid for even suggesting it. I knew they wouldn't like it, but I held out hope that they would at least consider it before saying no. Looking off behind Ron, I caught Theo's eyes across the table. He gave me a reassuring nod before looking away.

"Okay well they're willing to get to know you guys. Why can't you just try?" I mumbled, my mood already dropping.

I felt Hermione lean her shoulder against mine from beside me.

"You know we just want what's best for you."

I quickly stood up, Hermione almost falling over from my brisk movement. I'm not sure what came over me. Maybe it was high time I stood up for my newfound friends, because deep down I knew that if the Gryffindors didn't eventually come around, I was going to have to choose. My house and my blood, or my friends.

"Not all Slytherins are bad! Look at me," I said as I pointed to myself, "I have never done anything to make you believe in all the stereotypes and assumptions - so what is the problem?"

Hermione went to grab my hand but I yanked it away. "It's not that. They're Death Eaters."

I scoffed. "Their parents were. They didn't choose for any of this to happen, so why blame them?"

Harry opened his mouth to speak, but I interrupted him. I couldn't be bothered to listen to any more of their stupid excuses. I just wanted a peaceful lunch. To be able to sit down and enjoy myself without hearing a rude remark about my house - just for once.

"Ginny's on her way. Tell her I said hi."

With those last words, I picked my bag up and made my way to the Slytherin table. I felt like I could finally breathe as I sat down next to Pansy and Enzo, my shoulders slumping almost immediately in relief.

My phone buzzed in my bag but I ignored it. Instead I filled my plate with sandwiches and continued on like the conversation I just had did not happen.

"Didn't go well I presume?" said Theo.

I only sighed, putting my head in my palm as I picked at the bread in front of me. "What does it look like?" I asked, my tone more harsh than I had anticipated.

Theo threw his hands up in defense, making a funny face at me.

"Sorry," I mumbled, "I guess I just hoped it would go better. Now I feel stupid."

"Alright. None of that," said Pansy. "If they decide to come to their senses - great. But if not, then you always have us."

I chuckled at her statement. Although I appreciated the sentiment, we barely knew each other. "We only met like a day ago."

She scrunched her face up. "So what? Slytherins look after each other. We always have."

I nodded before taking a bite of my sandwich, not even realizing how hungry I was until the flavors settled on my tongue. Nothing would ever top Hogwarts food - even in secondary school it was always my favorite.

"Movie night in the common room today?" asked Theo, his eyes scanning over everybody at the table.

He was met with a bunch of nods and yes's as the group agreed to his idea. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad. I could get to know Pansy, Draco, and Blaise some more - and maybe even extend my friendship to them as well. This would be good for me.

"See you guys then. I've gotta get to class," Theo said as he stood up, beckoning Enzo to join him. "Nothing better than a good ol' lesson from Binns, huh?"

Enzo groaned as he got up, offering me a shoulder pat as he left the table. I finished my sandwich, just barely listening to the conversations around me. It wasn't long before the rest left for their classes, too.

Deciding that I should get some study in, I stacked the plates at the table and began to make my journey to the library. That is, until my phone buzzed. Again.

I pulled it out to mute it, presuming that it was Ginny or Harry texting me - instead I notice Mattheo's name pop up in the notifications.

- - -

My feet carried me up the stairs faster than I normally would, as if they had a mind of their own. The spiral staircase usually felt like a long trek, but today they're surprisingly easy to get through. Maybe it had something to do with what - or who - was waiting for me at the summit.

Heart thrumming against my ribcage, my legs finally got a break as I reached flat ground again. My breathing was erratic, but instead of waiting it out and calming myself down, I kept walking until I saw those familiar brown locks.

Mattheo was leaning against the railings, smoke pluming around him as he stared out onto the castle grounds.

"Fancy seeing you here," I said as I threw my bag onto the floor.

He jumped a bit as my voice broke the silence, but he smiled at me nonetheless, his body relaxing once he saw it was me.

"You want one?" he asked as he raised the cigarette.

I've smoked before, but I wouldn't say I made a habit of it. The only time I really do is when I'm stressed - or sometimes I only do it socially, and right now I would say both of those cases were true.

"Sure, why not?" I reached my hand out as he pulled one out of his pack. I wet my lips before putting it between them.

I felt Mattheo lean over to me, his palm covering the wind away from me before he flicked the flint, his fingers flexing as he did so. Shit. He had nice hands. The flame heated up my face momentarily as the lighter came into contact with my cigarette.

"So," he said, leaning back against the rails, "I uh- I heard about what happened today. I'm sorry it didn't go down well."

I waved my hand dismissively. "It's fine, really. I wasn't expecting much."

My elbows rested against the cold metal as I inhaled the smoke, the slightly familiar burn in my throat bringing back memories of the first time I smoked. Enzo and I were 13 and we had asked one of the older students to get us a cigarette. Not a pack, not two, but one. We took about 2 puffs of it together before we decided to never do it again - the half full cigarette thrown out onto the floor outside. I took up smoking again when I was 17. It was my way of coping with what had happened, but even then I couldn't bring myself to make it a common occurrence - it reminded me too much of the relationship that me and him had lost.

"Yeah? I'll be honest - me neither," he said before mumbling a quiet 'sorry'.

The sun rays beamed against my face as I laughed softly. "It's okay. You weren't exactly wrong..." I trailed off, getting lost in my thoughts. "I don't know. I just wish they tried to understand me more."

Mattheo nodded, flicking his butt off the tower, watching it gain momentum before hitting the ground below. We sat in silence for a second before he started to speak again.

"I get that. Just remember that you can't wait forever for them to change their minds. At some point you have to focus on yourself and find other people who will care about you just as much - if not more."

He was right. But I wish he wasn't. I've been feeling so conflicted as of late. I love my friends, but I'm really liking the new ones I'm making. If I'm not able to be myself around the trio then how will I ever break out of my shell? How will I ever recover from the trauma I endured during the Battle?

"I guess it is nice seeing Enzo again. I missed him... and I don't really like how things were left off between us," I said, my eyes not meeting Mattheo's. I felt too much shame and guilt to even look at him.

I heard him shift beside me. "What happened exactly?"

My brows furrowed at this. I would've expected him to know already; or at least the majority of the story.

"Enzo never told you?" I asked incredulously.

Mattheo shrugged, his body turning towards me now. "I don't think he likes talking about it. He only ever told me good things about you."

I felt a soft feeling settle in my stomach knowing that Enzo always harbored the same love I always held for him. I'm glad that even then, he thought of me as a sister - even when I didn't act like a sister should have. My guilt eased a little bit at this information.

"Oh..." was the only thing I managed to say. "It's kind of a long story."

"I've got time," he said before checking his watch, "30 minutes to be exact."

Letting out a breathy laugh, I threw the rest of the cigarette away before sitting down on the floor and resting my back against the barriers of the tower. I patted the concrete, motioning for Mattheo to sit beside me.

"My parents and his parents used to be really close. Like, I was at their house every summer kind of close - but when they found out that his parents joined the Death Eaters, they started acting like they didn't exist. I had to stop talking to Enzo, and distance myself from the rest of my house. It wasn't safe anymore, everybody's parents were turning to the Dark Lord, so the only way my parents thought to keep me safe was if I befriended other houses and left my friends behind. Including Enzo..."

Mattheo only nodded, urging me to continue. His eyes were trained on me as he absorbed every word I said. It felt so good to get it all off my chest.

"But that wasn't the last time I spoke to him," I took a deep breath and continued, "It was the end of our 4th year..."

- - -

Enzo and I were paired for a project in Muggle Studies - it was something I couldn't escape, and I couldn't ask the teacher to change it no matter how hard I tried.

I begrudgingly made my way to the library where I was supposed to meet Enzo. We were only 14 or 15 at the time. My books slammed onto the table as I sat next to him, feeling weird being beside him after not speaking for almost a full year. It wasn't that I didn't want to be friends with him - but I was scared. Scared of what my parents would say, and scared of what his parents would say.

"Let's get this started," I said as I opened my book.

Enzo's eyebrows knitted together. He closed my book right in front of me, hand resting against the leather bound cover.

"What is your problem?" he asked, his voice cracking as he silently begged me to look at him.

"I don't have a problem," I said as I nudged his hand away and opened the book once again, "I just don't feel like failing this class."

Enzo scoffed, and I could see him shaking his head from my peripheral. "Right..."

It wasn't until after we finished our draft of the project that he started asking me questions again. He ran after me as I shoved my books into my bag, the library doors closing behind me.

"Y/N!"

I kept walking.

"Y/N, c'mon, please," he said, his voice sounding out of breath as he fast walked beside me. "Tell me what's wrong. Why won't you talk to me? I keep trying but your friends never let me get anywhere near your table."

"Maybe you should stop trying then."

His steps faltered a bit before he continued. "Did I do something? Whatever it is, tell me. I can fix it."

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, my head whipping to look at him for the first time in the past hour.

"I don't talk to Death Eaters," my bitter voice came out. Everything in me screamed to stop, to apologize to him and go back to how everything was last year. I missed my best friend, and all I wanted was to feel normal again.

The pain in his eyes made my stomach drop. I couldn't believe I was treating him like this.

"What? I don't understand-"

"Enzo stop! You're just like the rest of them, and it's only a matter of time before you end up like your parents. Don't come crying to me when you have the Dark Mark plastered all over your arm," I whispered the last part at him.

Enzo shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. "You know I would never - I wouldn't... Just please, listen. I didn't want this, I didn't want any of this."

I screwed my eyes shut as I turned away from him for the last time, ignoring his quiet sniffles as I went to join the Potter group for our free period.

- - -

I let out a shaky breath as I finished retelling the story, my chest squeezing every time I remembered the look on my best friend's face as I practically tore his heart out and stomped on it.

"Wow..." said Mattheo as he took it all in, "That's harsh."

"Yeah..." I said, my hands fiddling with the dead skin on my fingers, picking and plucking at anything that I could.

Mattheo took one of my hands, pulling it away from their attack on my cuticles. He rested it on his lap, his palm laying on top of my wrist before moving it to rest on the back of my hand.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Everyone was confused and more importantly, scared. Your parents were telling you one thing, but your brain was telling you another. You were only 14 - 14 and dealing with the impending doom of a wizarding war."

I nodded, my eyes starting to prickle with tears as I tried to blink them away. The feeling of warmth spread across my arm as Mattheo inched his hand under mine, flipping my hand over as his fingers came to interlock with my own. He squeezed it tightly.

As his thunb rubbed across the back of my hand, my skin grew hot with each graze of movement against me. "Now don't cry sweetheart, we still have a movie night to go to," he said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Theo's movie taste better not suck," I said, my voice still wobbly from the tears threatening to spill.

Mattheo only laughed as he stood up, pulling me along with him. "No promises."

As me and him left the astronomy tower, our shoulders brushing against each other ever so gently, I noticed that my heart felt lighter than it had in years.

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