y'all im actually crying i cant bill and frank what like for what you showed all this and FOR FUCKING WHAT why can the gays literally never win. THEY JUST WANTED THEIR LITTLE STRAWBERRIES AND TO GROW FOREVER IN THEIR LITTLE AREA FOR FUCKS SAKE IM SOBBING

Aight here’s a few of my favorite SP fics that no one asked for

I’m generally more of a one shot kinda lad but since getting into South Park I’ve read SO MANY GREAT longer ones so here’s just some highlights: (all on ao3)

Ship In A Bottle FayOfTheForest. One of the first sp AU’s I read, we got PIRATES. HOMOEROTIC SWORD FIGHTING. WLW CREEK. SLOW BURN STYLE. (Injured stan my beloved) KENNY. BUNNY. The parents SUCK. Literally such a kickass story!

This House of Mine by OrcaTimes. VIOLENCE. GANG ACTIVITY. CREEK. I really love the characterization of everyone in this fic, especially Craig. Seriously man. Also THE K2 IN THIS SLAYS (we got some PRIME Kyle injury too god I love him) THE ENDING IS SO SATISFYING TOO!!!

Peppermint by boxwinebaddie. Bro. Literally my all time favorite style fic. I’m so serious. The writing and story are BEAUTIFUL LIKE SO FUCKING AMAZING The PINING. THE HEADCANONS. I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS. Pls if you check out any of my Recs READ THIS ONE.

Maybe For Real This Time & The Kids Are Alright by WeirdBBQDad. Dude. I have no words other than KENNY FUCKIN MCCORMICK. Also Style. Also families. Just- just check it out.

Hang ‘Em High by littledeathsinmusicalbeds. Cowboy au. Creek. Established Style. Bounty hunter Kenny. Massive slay.

The Thief Trilogy by wintergrew. WHEN I SAY IT LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE. The world building is PHENOMENAL literally my favorite SOT AU OF ALL. Long as hell, but SO worth the read holy fuck. I adore Stick Of Truth.

You’re The Prettiest Boy I’ve Ever Seen by burnt_pancakes. CREEK. STYLE. MISCOMMUNICATION. BUNNY. KENNY IN GENERAL. the friendships in this are PERFECT.

Your name written upon mine by sooduhnim. SOT STYLE. Soulmate au that’s INCREDIBLE seriously I love this one and can’t wait for an update.

How We Began by PastorCraigEnjoyer. Ok yes I’m cringy as shit for the self promo but this is my favorite long fic that I’ve written. Slow burn SOT STYLE, no war just fantasy gays falling in love, injury, sickfic, all my favorite bullshit and I loved writing it ok.

N1SM by kiritila. A classic in the fandom. Style. A masterpiece.

Between the Sinners and the Saints by KaiterTot. Oh. My. God. When I say this one altered my brain chemistry… THE ENDING DUDE HOLY-

A Few Last Wolves by Jwink85. Yes, I am a resident of the State Of Style by way of Creek Nation but this is Cryle. And it’s a slay. If y’all liked Frank and Bills episode in TLOU, it’s kind of an au of that. It works man.

Winter Butterfly ALSO by Jwink85 and ALSO Cryle. What can I say it’s incredible. The Style in the beginning is CUTE until shit hits the fan, too, and I thought this fic was a really interesting take on all the characters and relationships. I adore Tweek in this one too.

Something Sweet Like Honey by bluebryy. Ok this one is unsettling and creepy Craig makes me feel icky but I cannot WAIT for an update on that fic, I got my fingers crossed for Style endgame. Also CHECK OUT THEIR ART ON HERE they converted me to a short king Kyle truther and it’s a slay tbh.

Ladies and Gentleman We Are Floating In Space by gremlinteeth. A classic. The first sp multi chapter I read. THE LORE BRO. CREEK. STYLE. STANS CHARACTERIZATION GOES SO HARD HES MY BOIIIII

Ok. That’s all my recs for now. Sry for being insane.

[SPOILERS FOR TLOU PT2]

so i was listening to "the other side" by ruelle and "wait for it" by leslie odom jr. and had this depressing thought regarding that maybe bonus scene of "if the door wasn't shut" series but like- what if it was reader who abby kills instead of joel? hear me out but- joel killed her father right? and probably made her go through sm pain and grief right? so what if somehow she finds out how much reader means to joel.

"did we ever see it coming?

will we ever let it go?"

and blinded by her need for revenge, she 🏌️ the reader instead, wanting joel to feel the same pain and grief she feels and twists the knife even deeper saying that her death is on him. the reader who didn't even go with them and had no idea what even happened in that hospital and absolutely had no part of it was killed because of him. that her death will be on his conscience. she was just someone who was caught in the crossfire because of her relations with joel and ellie.

"i don't want to lose part of me,

will i recover?"

and joel, ellie, and tommy just watches her get 🏌️ by abby. i'm- IMAGINE THE PAIN TOMMY AND MARIA WILL GO THROUGH 😭😭😭😭 reader whom they basically raised as their own just gets killed just like that 😭 maria gonna lose another child 😭 AND READER'S SHOP IS JUST BURIED IN FLOWERS 😭😭😭

"i don't want to know what it's like to live without you,

don't want to know the other side of a world without you."

what's even more depressing is that she's still young and still had a life ahead of her and it's just cut short because the world is cruel just like that. (especially in the tlou universe cough)

"death doesn't discriminate,

between the sinners and the saints,

it takes and it takes and it takes."

and joel just breaking and wondering why he's still when so many people that he has know and cared and loved has left him (i'm going for the sarah's mom left route and tommy leaving joel to join the fireflies) or died (sarah, tess, bill, frank, sam, henry, and now reader) AND WHAT IF THEY JUST MADE UP TOO?!?! I CAN'T- 😭😭😭

"(and we keep living anyway),

we rise (and we fall),

we fall (and we break),

(and we make our mistakes),

and if there's a reason i'm still alive,

when so many have died."

might go back to this if ive thought of even more but for now i'm ending this here and gonna cry about it 😭😭

THE LAST OF US PART 2 SPOILERS!

howl you have HURT me with this one. so badly. my heart hurts. i’m gonna add my thoughts hope this is ok <3

FIRST. LETS TALK ABOUT THE SONGS. especially the other side by ruelle?? HELLO??? “i don’t want to leave here without you” …. stop it. i’m in so much pain. “i don’t want to know what it’s like to live without you” SCREAMING. this hurts me so much and it fits for all of the characters AND AND “i don’t want to know who we are without each other” i cant do this today howl i really cant. it’s interchangeable between the scenarios as well i-

“and if there’s a reason i’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died” stop. i’m gonna cry and shout and sob and yell.

lets think about this scenario, shall we?

warning: graphic content, death, weapons, blood, canon-typical, grief, aftermath of r dying. you should know what’s happened if you’ve come past the keep reading thingy. pls read at your own risk <3 its not written as a proper fic/drabble (although there’s an idea) but still, be careful of the content you consume !!!!

lets say that reader and jesse were partnered up to take joel and tommy off of patrol. lets say that reader is fucking terrified when the miller bros don’t show up. lets say that jesse agrees to go and find dina and ellie while reader goes ahead to look for joel and tommy, fearing the worst.

lets say reader hears that gunshot, and rushes in, guns blazing. lets say she shoots owen in the shoulder when she pushes the door open, because he’s the first person she sees. lets say manny takes her down, gets her gun off of her, while joel is yelling as he realises who it is.

lets say joel is yelling, “get your hands off of her” and “don’t you touch her” while the others hold him down, tommy already knocked flat out. lets say abby is stood there, looking between you baring your teeth as you’re held down by manny and joel yelling for you. lets say she’s angry, she’s angrier than she’s ever been. lets say that she looks at you and sees herself, and she looks to joel only to see what he took from her.

lets say reader is looking at joel, at his leg that’s almost beyond saving, lets say reader is praying that jesse, dina and ellie are quick. she’s sure that if they got here soon, the four of you could get the upper hand. joel would be okay, if only the others were quick.

lets say abby looks at joel one more time, and spits “move him”, and she looks to reader while the others pull joel away, while he’s kicking and screaming the whole way.

lets say they pull reader over towards the wall, all looking at abby nervously.

lets say when she swings at reader’s head the first time, she’s still struggling, looking over to joel as one of the group hits him across the head with their gun. lets say the second time, she goes down, and they don’t need to hold reader against the wall anymore.

“don’t,” reader would say, “please, i-” lets say abby hitting her again would cut anything else off, and some of the group have to rush to the door when it opens, and reader blinks bleary eyes over to see ellie, and almost sighs with relief until she’s taken down.

lets say reader waits, vision swimming, to hear or maybe see jesse and dina come through the doorway, guns blazing. lets say reader tries not to cry when they don’t come.

“stop it! she had nothing to do with this” ellie would say, despite not knowing why the group was here, why they were doing this. “i’ll kill you, i’ll fucking kill you! stop,” she would be begging, pleading, as they hold her head against the floor, lets say she’d try and pull away, try and get to reader as abby would swing again.

lets say joel hears ellie scream as he starts to wake up, his first and only image being reader with her face covered in blood and- they hit him across the head again, and he’s out.

lets say jesse and dina come, and dina almost doesn’t shout for jesse to come down. lets say jesse almost passes out when he pushes the wooden door open. lets say that he shouts, and he’s on his knees beside reader in a second, not touching, hands just hovering, and lets say he doesn’t know what to do. lets say he holds in his tears as he turns to where tommy is blinking into consciousness. lets say he blocks the man’s view of you until he’s pushed aside.

lets not say how joel is unresponsive when he wakes up, even though dina had pulled a sheet to cover the sight in front of him, lets not say that none of them can get him to speak even when they pull him up, on his half-fucked leg, tourniquet wrapped around his thigh from the very group who had-

here’s what we shouldn’t think about this situation!

lets not think about tommy having to go home to maria, to his son, and look her in the face to tell her what happened. lets not think about maria demanding to see reader, demanding for someone to tell her it’s not fucking true.

lets not think about how joel can’t be there when reader is buried, stuck in the infirmary, because he’s alive. he’s alive and reader isn’t. lets not think about that.

lets not think about how jesse would blame himself, would never forgive himself for letting her go searching alone, how he would carry that blame forever.

lets not think about ellie sitting in reader’s shop, looking at the clay reader had set out that morning, ready for when she’d be home later on in the evening. lets not think about all the flowers that would be laying outside of the shop, obscuring ellie’s view out of the windows.

lets not think about tommy leaving maria when she needed him most.

lets not think about ellie and dina going after him.

lets not think about joel, finally being let out of the infirmary, heading back to Rancher Street, not knowing what else to do. lets not think about joel being completely despondent, about him finding the mug that reader had made sat on the counter from the coffee he’d had in it just before he had gone on patrol.

lets not think about joel finding out his whole family has gone to avenge reader, when its his fault she’s gone. lets not think about him limping to the stables, demanding to go after them. lets not think about jesse helping him sneak away.

lets not think actually.

(i could add more to this. expand on other things that could happen in this situation. but. i’m sad. i will if yall want tho >:])

bro, i'm not gonna lie but i fucking love bill.

for all his stubbornness, bill really cares about everyone he meets. frank falls into a trap that bill set up for infected folks who stumble his way. bill not only helps him out and lets him shower, but makes him a better meal than i've probably ever eaten in my whole life. he could have sent frank on his way with a piece of toast. but no. he indulges frank with some decent-looking wine (idk i don't drink) and some well-cooked food.

and yeah, bill and frank argue - everyone argues from time to time, they're not perfect - but he still gets frank anything he wants. frank wants the paint to fix up the house? sure, he thinks it's a waste, but he got the paint because frank wants it. in fact, bill got frank enough paint that frank had the opportunity to take up painting at some point in the last ten years of his life. frank wants to fix up the boutique? ok, bill doesn't see the point in nice clothes at the end of the world but frank wants them. frank invites random people from their version of the internet to the house? oh hell, bill is pissed off. who are these strangers and why are they in his house? but he still made the effort to clean himself up and cook them nice food and pair it with a nice wine. why? BECAUSE FRANK FUCKING WANTED IT!

he has a plan to make sure that frank isn't left lonely if he dies - and he's prepared it well enough that he knows the entire thing off the top of his head and can recite it even while he's bleeding out on a table. he's happy to spend the rest of his life catering to frank's needs, even with his degenerative condition - which bill had no way to prepare for.

bill cares tess and joel too, even if it isn't as obvious. aside from the obvious 'take care of tess' that he leaves for joel, there's other things too. he has a box full of women's clothes stored in the house - which ellie takes from - which are undoubtedly for tess. he's not mad when one of his guns was traded for a packet of strawberries - and even though i would kill for a packet of strawberry seeds at the end of the world - he's probably more ok with it because he knows that his gun is going to someone he trusts. he trusts tess and joel enough to keep constant contact with them through the radio - he has a stupid song system set up so that the music fits in with frank's theme. he leaves the note and the key to joel, knowing that joel and tess would need everything that he had acquired in his 20+ years of preparation - although he wouldn't know that tess wouldn't make it to see them dead. he knew joel well enough to know that it would be joel that found them and joel that would protect others (obviously bill presumed that to mean tess but we can extend that to ellie) - and like frank said, 'paying attention to things - that's how we show love.'

he pays attention to the wants and needs of his partner - the paint, the good food, the 'allowing company even if he doesn't trust anyone in the whole world except frank'. he pays attention to the wants and needs of joel and tess - giving them everything he owned when he knew he was going to die even if everything was of utmost importance to him, keeping contact to keep them out of danger, feeding them good food and nice wine.

he spent the whole time that he was couped in this little town trying to show how much he loves everyone around him. he comes off as a grouchy, loner, survivalist - the true doomsday prepper, but realistically he's just smol gay cinnamon roll who wants to protect the people he cares about, and i think that that's precious.

(p.s. i know that in the games he supposed to serve as a warning of what joel could become - which is a grouchy, isolated loner with no friends and family - by posing as an example of what that kind of emotional isolation does to you. he sort of just shows up, gives you the car battery you need, fights some infected, and is on his merry way. but i think the way they went about it in the show is so much more effective because despite having those characteristics, he still managed to have a happy and fulfilled life. he becomes a figure to aspire towards for joel - who has some of those same characteristics - instead of an image of what not to be. it shows joel that actually emotional availability, even when you are angry at the whole world and have given up on happiness, can be a good thing. and i think that's also really sweet, because despite not even being around to see the change, he could massively impact joel's life.)

I kin quentin but the temptation to kin Frank and Danny is so strong

all of you dont understand kinning. you cant choose kins. you kin the one you ARE. Im setting up rules Im so done with this fandom

YOU CAN ONLY KIN X IF YOU DO/HAVE THESE THINGS:

(SURVIVORS) DWIGHT FAIRFIELD: you have anxiety and you wear glasses also you are half german idc what ur headcanon is for him you better be going GLUTEN TAG MEG THOMAS: you can run like real fast and have watched 3 sonic movies. CLAUDETTE: you know at least 3 different kinds of plants and play animal crossing. JAKE PARK: you just know how to shut the fuck up NEA KARLSSON: you have eaten graffiti spray LAURIE STRODE: you didnt get arrested for stabbing your stupid sibling ACE VISCONTI: you cant be me I am me  WILLIAM “BILL” OVERBECK: you have died FENG MIN: you called someone a slur while gaming also you gotta have an older brother. feng min seems likea younger sibling. DAVID KING: you got daddy issues. lol more than half of you would be able to kin him. you gotta be also ripped sorry. also you have to be exactly 5′10″  QUENTIN SMITH: your doctor doesnt even know how to help you wiht your mental issues anymore. DAVID TAPP: idk you escaped the labyrinth or something I never watched saw KATE DENSON: you beat someone wtih a guitar after they told you to shut up bc you sing bad. also you gotta enjoy singing but you have to be bad at it. I dont want to hear any of you talented bitches claim kate ADAM FRANCIS: you are a teacher and have more intelligence than the rest of your friendgroup JEFFREY “JEFF” JOHANSEN: you are an artist and you got underpaid for a commission and have been hateful since JANE ROMERO: you dont get anxiety when you have to hold a speech also you always go for the charisma options in videogames. you know how to do makeup. ASH J. WILLIAMS: your hand got replaced with a chainsaw NANCY WHEELER: youre absolutely FOOOCKEN useless STEVE HARRINGTON: youre unrionically a himbo. if you ever passed a class you dont qualify for this kin sorry. also you gotta own at least 7 different shampoos and conditioners YUI KIMURA: you have aggression problems also ur a wlw  ZARINA KASSIR: you dont ever mind ur business and got hated on school campus for it.  CHERYL MASON: you cant be cheryl sorry I know one cheryl and its dorothy. FELIX RICHTER: why would you wanna be him lol ELODIE RAKOTO: you are in the occult and if you are mf hmu Im trying to find some occult friends for once

(KILLERS) TRAPPER: daddy issues but you gotta be above 6 feet tall. no short kings allowed to kin trapper. also you NEVER posted a selfie ever. but you look good. WRAITH: bro idk... you gotta be annoying HILLBILLY: youre  NURSE: you want to hurt people for no reason MYERS: you got stabbed at least once HAG: idk you use the icon of jennifer from jennifers body where she ate someone I didnt even watch the movie DOCTOR: youre that stupid fucking bitch who always had those dumbass fake chewing gum packs so people would pull it and get little electro shocks. youre a sick fuck who enjoys Center Shock. even worse if you like apple. HUNTRESS: youre russian CANNIBAL: you facecamped everyone. every single round. at this point it become so mcuh like ur usual behaviour u started to facecamp ur teacher at school. ur wayyy to close to the camera in zoom meetings NIGHTMARE: dont PIG: u r annoying AND traumatised CLOWN: I know it sounds shady but google “clown sausage” if you dont eat that dont fucking think about kinning clown SPIRIT: if you kin spirit......... hmu. also you gotta be filled with anger issues and also own an actual sword like not a toy one or whatever. if u dont own a whole katana ready to kill someone whats the point then. why do u think u can be called the spirit.   LEGION: you gotta have three friends PLAGUE: you cant have emetophobia for this one. you gotta be eight feet tall. GHOSTFACE: I unironically dont want you to kin ghostface unless you own 6 nike sneakers and 8 adidas sneakers DEMOGORGON: your favourite movie is holes  ONI: forgot to put something here for him. idk you gotta be built like a wall  DEATHSLINGER: youre a widowmaker main and you play CS:GO EXECUTIONER: sorry but you have to have an ass to be him BLIGHT: you drink orange soda after brushing ur teeth idk how else to capture him as a character TWINS: only kin them if you have a twin.

Thoughts on everyone in the realms?

"Short Answer; I made a chart. Not a well drawn chart, mind you, but a chart. Sometimes you don't wanna put effort into drawing 50 something faces"

"Long answer, uh....well lemme go down the list"

Claudette: My Starflower~!! She's so sweet and kind and amazing in trials and every time I see her I swoon a little- I love her so much~ Dwight: He's cute- And he's a good leader, despite his nervous personality, he knows how to bring a group together. Final guy potential. Ash: ....Don't...Tell him I said this? But uh....Evil Dead was one of my biggest comfort series, the thing that got me through losing both my parents....the thing that helped me transition, pick my name, and fueled my FX hobby. And I'm still attached, even realizing he's a real person and all- But...it's weird to just, be upfront with something like that, so I'm just...burying it as best as I can. David: He's a little rough around the edges but he’s good to have in a trial, plus when you can get past the walls, he’s nice to talk to. Kate: Her music by the campfire is calming and she’s such a sweetheart. If we were in a better situation I’d love to learn Guitar from her, but, it’s hard when you’re a moment away from a trial at any given time. Amalthea (@askthewidowstars OC): She judged my entire vibe but jokes on her I’m the one who snagged a cutie for life- Meg: If I had a dollar for every time she left me for dead I would have enough money to paint the entire campfire in solid gold. The only time we’ve ever properly talked was about SAW traps and 90% of it was her admitting she could beat every single trap because she was ‘built different’  Jeff: He’s a sweetheart and really nice to be around. Sometimes when we’re by the campfire in our downtimes I’ll let him draw on my arm. it kinda makes me want a tattoo, honestly. If we ever get out of here, I might get one. Steve: Bros!! We kinda make up team ‘Altruistic Himbo’, Plus the ‘Babysitter/Brother’ Vibes mesh really well. I kinda wanna re-style his hair though, mostly because it looks fluffy, and nice to play with.  Quentin: Bros!! We’re gonna make matching T-Shirts about committing Arson on Freddy in particular. He’s fun to hang around in our downtime, and I hope there’s a chance he can get some actual rest, even in here. He deserves it. Adam: If Dwight wasn’t the leader I feel like he’d take over the Reigns. I feel like he’s the calm type that doesn’t handle energetic types well though. Which, y’know, makes things hard.  Nea: Anytime I see her she’s either sneaking around the map and watching everyone get killed, or doing something stupid to get herself killed. I’d get grey hair if We were actually friends.  Feng: Gamer bros- I got to find out we actually played a lotta the same stuff before we were taken by the Entity. We get a chance to nerd out in between trials- Laurie: Best Final Girl hands down. I kinda hope she can teach me Decisive Strike one day- I feel like its also just a little awkward since again, still a fan of Myers Nancy: She doesn’t agree that Demo’s a good boy, which makes sense, but we but heads over it. Also I’m pretty sure she wants me dead for touching the bones around the map one too many times. They’re just too tempting.... Jake: He’s pretty quiet, but he’s helpful in trials. I heard he’s been to a convention a few times, but I don’t think he’s actually into it as much as I thought...Which kinda sucks. I’d love more cosplay buddies y’know? Yui: Kinda makes me want a motorbike. We don’t talk but she seems really cool. A little too cool to me around if that makes sense.  Yun-Jin: She benefits off of throwing everyone else under the bus. And 90% of the time she will throw everyone under the bus. Even if she needs actual help to escape the trial.  Cheryl: Cheryylll!!  She’s really cool and honestly would add her to the ‘Can kill god if she was not nerfed’ Squad. Especially since y’know, she has- I bet if we got enough of the kids together we could just beat the Entity’s ass. I know she could.  Tapp: Always been a fan of Tapp before I was taken, although I feel like he’d wanna arrest me if we weren’t in the Entity’s Realm. I might be a little too excited for my own good about Kramer’s work. I don’t think he’d believe the fact its a movie either.  Ace: He’s kinda like the Uncle of the group around the campfire, but, coming into trials, He’s still for saving his own skin- You can also only stand dad jokes for so long. Especially in an eternity like this.  Leon: He’s cool!!! I got so excited first realizing He and Jill were here, and I wanna get a chance to talk to him about everything that went down, but Haven’t got the chance. He’s nice inside of Trials though, usually doesn’t leave anyone behind. Not a fan of getting blinded though.  Jill: She knows how to lead the trials well, and I look up to her a lot. She’s always been such a badass!!  Bill: If Bill gets his hands on a weapon the entire Realm would be fucked. Badass as hell and Kinda scary. Another one on the list of ‘Entity needed to Nerf’ Felix: You’d think a Childless Father and a Fatherless son would be able to bond a bit more, but, I think we each kinda get the same vibe of homesickness from one another. He’s kind though, and it’s neat to see his work whenever we’re by the campfire.  Elodie: She’s better at helping out than most of the others, but she’s still in a survival of the fittest mindset. I loved hearing about her studies from before she was taken though. I feel like if we had more time we could dig deeper into this whole world and what its about. But we don’t get that- Zarina: We just don’t really click as much, honestly. I’d love to get to know her better but I think she’s more into digging into the killers and what she can find out about this place. Which y’know, could be better done with a team. Sage (@askthewidowstars OC): HUSBAND!!! My husband. I love him to the Moon and back. He’s amazing and I miss him even when we’re five feet apart-  ...I need a hug now-  Amanda: Best girl hands down!! We vibed a lot in between Trials talking about her traps and old designs, she was impressed by my knowledge, and we hang out in Gideon sometimes!   Ghostface: He’s pretty cute- Also fun to be around, even if he’s kind of a dick when he’s actually at work, it’s better when you’re outside of a Trial. It’s also neat to see he’s not just two idiots in a halloween costume and his own person, as much as I love the Scream Series, too-  Leatherface: Bubba!!! Honestly I’d handle being chainsawed. Fuckin Love Bubba-  Huntress: I wanna learn how to throw hatchets but I know I never will. She’s kinda scary, but also I feel like if she could adopt some of the others in the Realms, she totally would.  Oni: The only times I’ve ever really seen him is just before my skull gets bashed in. All I really have associated to him is the splitting headache.  Twins: I’m gonna punt Victor into the sun. I haven’t been good around kids beforehand and this tiny gremlin motherfucker just makes it worse.  Pinhead: I was so excited to see him!! He’s one of the few that talks more often than not in a trial, and he’s always had this air of elegance about him which makes it so much cooler! I’d be tempted to grab the box to solve it, but, at the same time Dwight’s already been hunted. I just...want to see how it works, really. Maybe if I ask nicely? Nah, probably not.  Pyramid Head: He’s so fucking COOL!!! He’s always just been really fucking cool and I still get stars in my eyes. I wanna re-create his weapon one day.  Joey: Joey’s one of the chill killers to be around, probably my favorite amongst the legion. Also Cosplay gang?? Hello? Susie: She’s cute!! I like her vibes whenever there’s not violence involved. I wonder if she’d ever get into costume making, she has the artistic eye for it. I also wonder if she’d ever dye other people’s hair...I’d kinda want green tips one day- Frank: Still wanna throw a palette at him. He’s one of the more serious of the Legion, and usually the one you’d find with a Mori. Not as Serious as Julie but only because he has the cocky god complex to go with it.  Julie:  She’s definitely the most serious out of the Legion. There’s no real rest whenever we’re in a trial against her. Scary as hell and less of a bastard than the other three.  Hillbilly: I know he deserved a lot better than this, especially after hearing more about him. I...Haven’t gotten to see much than the end of his chainsaw though.  Blight: This dude’s singlehandedly bringing back my fear of needles and I thought I lost that with HRT- Also like, dude spits up orange fuckin everywhere.  Michael: My Mans!! I always get a little excited knowing we’re up against him. It’s habit- It’s kinda weird to see him easily affected by like, palettes or flashlights though.  Spirit: She seems like she could be nice when there’s some downtime. I’m also one of the few that can understand her well enough, which probably makes things easier. I found out she’s basically my age when I survived a trial by myself. I’d hope to hang out more sometime. Nemesis: God he’s so fucking tall. Kinda surprised it was Nemesis out of everyone that could’ve been brought, and also, kinda terrified? Still am kinda terrified. I’m surprised he hasn’t just torn up an entire map yet. His zombie minions are also annoying. Wraith: All this motherfucker does is roll up to pull me off Gens and Exist as a problem. I don’t see much of him outside of a Trial. Trapper: Motherfucker Incarnate. If the Entity lets us throw hands I’m fighting him first.  Freddy: ....Gross. I liked the Nightmare on Elm Street series a lot, but...Freddy as a person? Ew. Especially this iteration.  Demogorgon: Demopuppy!! He’s a good boy and he deserves to get treats. Even if the Treats are flesh....I wonder if he likes candy though. Trickster: Pretty!! He also Gives me DIO vibes because of the Jacket and the Knife throwing...Imagine if a killer could stop time...that’d be terrifying. Deathslinger: I wanna sit down and look at his gun more but I also feel like if I ask I’d just get shot on sight. Intimidating as hell but also cool. Mary: ....Still on the very complicated ‘Ex Girlfriend that murdered me’ State. It’s hard to avoid her though. Especially since she wants to get back together since we’re stuck here. Nurse: She does not help my fear of Hospitals, honestly. While she’s easy to go up against, it’s still eugh. Plague: I really, really hate her power. The Sickness and the Vomit is just- Eughhhhh- It just hits every bad sensory issue at once.  Clown: ...I get killers are Killers and aren’t supposed to be good people but also like....Disgusting. Please Remove from the Realm. He’s just- ...Ew.  Doctor: NOPE. NO. NEVER. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO.

How They’d Be As Mukbangers:  Harry Potter Characters

How They'd Be As YouTube Mukbangers

James: Every video has a theme.   Like, I'm not even playing.   Holidays?  All kinda of holiday themed food.  Quidditch World Cup coming up?   Things inspired by the country of his favorite team.   Just a random day?  Everything is blue.   He's that type of way.

Sirius:  If a mukbanger was a thirst trap.  I could easily see him really getting into.  Dark background, black gloves, aesthetic as fuck and like, he doesn't even talk.  He just sits there, looks hot and somehow makes eating looking incredibly sexy.  And he fucking knows it.   Bitch also one hundred percent rolls his eyes back when it hits his taste buds.  Licks his lips and his fingers.  Takes way too big of bites.   Most people would say it's cringy how sexual his videos are...but everyone is secret subscribed anyway.  With notifications on.

Remus:  This goes one of two ways.  If he's in a good mood and things are chill, he'll find a recipe, make it to the mother fucking 't' and then have a little mukbang slash review on said recipe.  Nice lil chat.  Sweet tol bean.   Precious. If it's near the full moon there ain't none of that.  Ya boy, brings in his monstrous plate of food, sits it down and just tears into like a fucking beast, no talking.  Just nom nom nom.  Unintentionally thirst traps and people opening talk about when Remus goes beast mode.  

Peter:  Candy and sweets channel! Small mukbangs with reviews from different candies from Honeydukes!

Lily:  Lol, Lilypad.  She ain't playing around.  Her videos are planned out, edited and just generally finessed to perfection.  Even had music added to it with tiny vlog segments as it's set up.  It's a little pretentious but she does have a good following.

Marlene:   This bitch.  Fucking competitive eating queen.  Tiny ass lil ho can eat you under the table, bro.   Think RainaIsCrazy on YouTube.  She can fucking smash.  Usually does eating challenges from different resteraunts and competitions.  Often, challenges Remus on his wild days.   He's a beast but she still wipes the floor with him.  

Dorcas:  The collab.  Dorcas always has good food and good company.  She's all about sharing a meal with someone and talking about random things.

Alice and Frank:  The couple channel.  It's generally filled with so much fucking cute and the food is always tasty.  It's sickening they feed each other but you also can't help but awww.

Molly Prewett/Weasley:   Family recipes.   Molly's channel are tried and true recipes from the Prewett family.  Cook with me and tons of kitchen life hacks.  Also, that woman can turn a ham sandwhich into a full course meal. Bet.   Always taste tested by Daddy Weasley.  Yes, I said Daddy Weasley.  

Lucius Malfoy:  The most pretentious fucking channel to ever exist.  It's a whole fucking production that admittedly he does put a lot of work into.   Somewhat thirst trappy like Sirius' but instead of just having a plain black background he goes out of his way to shove as much of his manor into.   Only eats the most expensive food fucking on the planet and of course, it's prepared by House elves cause he's a twit.  (Yes, I know this is Thranduil but honestly wouldn’t put it past Lucius to be this fucking pretentious.) 

Severus Snape:  Actually pretty solid content.  His exquisite skills in potions actually made him a rather good chef.   Tasteful shots, edited well with music over everything and subtitles.   Simply audio for the eat portion at the end.  Nothing too fancy for the background.  Often just a very clean kitchen. Solid content though.

The Black Sisters: Mass chaos.  Part vlog, part drama channel, half the time the food never even gets finished because of fights.  

Bill Weasley:  The Traveler.   A lot of egyptian food.  Some made by hand.  Some vlogs from street food while he's out just generally doing his job.   Short videos but solid.  He's hot and he picks good food.  It works for him.

Charlie Weasley:  This extra ass bitch.  He's the bitch that does all that outdoor cooking.  You know what I mean.   Shots in the woods, roaring fire.  Lit by a precious dragon child no doubt.  Dragons lounging in the background like those bitches who always have their dogs there.  Yes, I'm jealous.  Close up shots of him cutting things on a custom wood cutting board. Everything he makes causes your mouth to water.  God damn, scarred, freckle faced bastard just gobbles it up and ends every fucking video with a wink.   Charlie Weasley is the ultimate thirst trap and he fucking knows it.

Percy:  Percy's channel could be epic but instead is boring as fuck.  Why?  Because he insist on having the most snooze worthy meals that are 'sensible' and THEN he proceeds to talk about politics.   He actually had a pretty decent following of other like minded individuals but my god- politics and porridge, Percy?  Really?

However, once he chills the fuck out, leaves the ministry to do something else - it’s a game changer.  Brings the family on for mukbangs.  Does videos with mummy weasley.  Percy grows his hair out and Bill teases him for being a copy cat.  Much better.  Still talks politics but it’s fucking hiliarous and now the food is poppin. 

Fred and George:  Alright, this shit right here.   Every fucking bit of it is a self promo for the shop.  Meals inspired by and that would go well paired with 'this product'.  Like, that's the whole thing.  And then they run an add for their shop at the end featuring the product.  It works for them because they're smart, they're hot and they're also wildly entertaining with their constantly sibling squabbling. But yeah.  Big promo for the shop.

Ron Weasley: Honestly, out of everyone.   Ron probably has the most followers and it's because he doesn't say shit while he's eating. He sits down with a massive fucking turkey.  Nods at the camera and just tears it up.   It's literally so satisfying.  All the food is prepared by his mother.  So it's obviously fantastic. ( I just had to use this gif.) 

Ginny:   Gin's channel is usually team building videos with the Harpies.  'Cheat Day: Vlog and Mukbang w/the Harpies' type of vibes.  It's cool though and since it's a famous quidditch team the fans enjoy the behind the scenes action and actually drop all kinds of recipes for them to try in the future.

Hermione:  Hermione could easily veer off into Percy's channel of misery when she gets started on her rants but mostly they're really chill videos.  Mukbang and Book Review type of vibe.  Or sometimes even the playing of an audio book while she does her thing.  All in all, wholesome.

Harry:  Lol, I swear.  Fucking awkward bean.   Harry's videos are literally of him making the simplest of things and being so fucking awkward. "Er, well, hi guys.  So I'm about to head out for work.  Running a bit late.  But we're having a bit of toast and jam."  Like it's literally just little videos of him eating whatever throughout the day.  But of course, since he's Harry Fucking Potter- his follower count is astronomical.  

Neville:  Now, this boy.  This boy is a goblincore gobbo's wet dream.  Gardening videos with homegrown veg.  Recipes from Grandmother.   Have a nice Veggie Pot Pie with Professor Longbottom in the Hogwarts Greenhouse.  There is a fanbase and it is huge.  

Luna: Honestly, the weirdest fucking channel in the world.  Like she finds the weirdest things to eat and goes from there.  But Luna is bae so it's cool.  Also, a thousand percent does Smoke Sesh + Mukbang videos.  You know it's true.

Dean and Seamus:  Literally, eating in the most crowded pubs as they visit football games around the country.  Seamus will definitely pull the Irish card from time to time to have a drinking competition.  He wins everytime.  He may be a little dude but shit- homie can hold his own.

Cedric:  Honestly, it's so fucking pure.   Straight up did videos during his time at Hogwarts in the Hogwarts kitchen.  Such kind little conversations with the house elves.  "Hey, guys.  Thanks for coming back to another video.  Today we're making some really tasty biscuits.  Whispy, one of the talented bakers here in the kitchens, is here to help us today so please say hello to her in the comments."  He'll also always make extra and leave them in the Hufflepuff common room for everyone to enjoy.  Like, it's honestly so pure and he's such a soft boi and oh my fucking geeeeeeerrrrrrdddd!!!!!

Draco: Actually takes it really seriously and put a lot of hard work into it.   Nothing like his father's ego-tistical recipes.   Surprisingly, every. single. recipe. is a muggle recipe.  How would he know?  Because he cross referenced with Granger of course.  Cooks it himself.   No magic.  Lots of random talks.  Just like a monologue of things and it gets kinda deep sometimes.   Like, it's the channel to go to when you need advice that you didn't even know that you needed.   Still eats incredibly proper.   It's that pureblood raising of his.  Old habits die hard.

Tonks:  Pure chaos.  "Hey, today we're having Mum's homemade lasagna and I'm also getting a new tattoo.  Might dye my hair.  Don't really need to since I can do this  but whatever. So yeah, there's that.  Like it's just all over the place and you'd think it would take but the chaos is too good not to watch.  Literally gives herself beaks and snouts while she eats.  It's iconic.

Dumbledore: Mother fucker just sits at his desk, stares straight into the camera and eats a lemon drop.  Like a weirdo.  The video usually no more than a minute and each video is just some variation of that.  Meme lord.

Hagrid:  Tea With Hagrid.  Also, so the recipes suck, they too, but Hagrid is a peach and it's relaxing to see his gentle half giant there in his hut, pumpkin patch out the window and Fang laying by the fire.  It's a mood and he's just like the comforting Dad figure. 

McGonagall:  Honestly the best one in the entire world.  She makes a full course traditional Scottish breakfast... and then transforms into her animagus the cat...and promptly knocks it off the table.   A fucking legend.

------------------------------

Please attack the ask box!

Love, Kenny

@frankie2902

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Love, Kenny

do you guys ever think about the fact that, like, bill legitimately probably doesn’t understand why frank is so upset that his family is dead??? and, despite the fact that he knows he played a hand in it and frank’s the type to Not Let That Slide, billy is still *shocked pikachu meme* at the idea that frank would be mad at him? like this man is so utterly fucked up that he stood by and did nothing knowing that an entire family was getting murdered for no reason --- let alone his best friends family / the closest thing he has to his own family --- and did not even blink. like frank is all “you killed my family” and part of billy is literally like “lol yeah that was crazy, hey you wanna get some beers?” LIKE BRO 

Rewatching Band of Brothers-Warning for Long Post AKA Way Too Many People

* Ron Spiers is a fucking Psycho (a very hot Psycho).

* Joe Liebgott is the epitome of “Come at me, bro” (Is also very cute). ---Doesn’t know if he wants to punch Webster or jump his bones. Probably both.

* Babe Heffron is the cutest little babe ever.

* David Webster is too pretty, too idealistic and too smart for his own good. Had like two friends in Easy, and they both died.

* Roy Cobb-A Fucking asshole, that’s all it is to him really.

* George Luz-A very lovable little shit.

* Bill Guarnere-Badass with an very unfortunate nickname.

* Dick Winters-The best Ginger. This is how Gingers are supposed to act as leaders.

* Lewis Nixon-The drunk and cynical BFF: His wife did him dirty.

* Eugene Roe-So pretty, soft and caring. Called out Winters on his stupidity.

* Johnny Martin-Resting Bitch Face. You better not mix up his Starbucks order.

* Buck Compton-An all american, sweet boy whom kind of lost it but ended up okey.

* Carwood Lipton-Easy Company’s Mom, can’t do anything wrong ever.

* Joe Toye-Avoided being blown up twice. Acts like an angry German Shepard.

* Frank Perconte-Tiny but mighty.

* Bull Randleman-The best Soldier of them all, don’t fight me on this.

* Floyd Talbert- Charismatic and smart. He gets all the ladies for sure.

* Shifty Powers-What an absolute badass sweetheart.

* Harry Welsh- Funny and nice. Are so in love with his girl that it’s almost sickening. 

I apologize if i missed some relevant people, but these are the ones i remember.

Of Scales and Sea Glass

•Chapter 1•

 Next Chapter >>

(Summary: Eddie deals with the anniversary of his parent's death. After an intense tropical storm, he discovers something has washed up in his pool.)

Also shout out to @ambitiousskychild on tumblr for being my beta!

~

It’s just water.   You’ll be fine   God, why do you always worry so damn much?

“FUCK” Eddie groaned as he raked his hand through his hair. “Fuck…” He repeated, letting his voice trail off this time. 

It’s been a year, you should be over this by now . 

Sure it might’ve been a year, but that didn’t mean Eddie Kaspbrak was any less terrified of the ocean. Its endless blue and unexplored depths made Eddie want to be anywhere else. It didn’t help that the ocean was literally in Eddie’s backyard. All that he needed to know was that exactly one year ago today, that blue, those depths, took his parent’s lives, and that was enough to scare the boy shitless. Only now, on the anniversary of Sonia and Frank Kaspbrak’s death, did he finally decide to do something about it. 

Eddie stood about 50 feet away from his back porch, his feet in the sand and a towel wrapped over his shoulders. He watched the waves fall and crash over the sand. Tonight the weathermen were calling for a killer storm, which seemed oddly appropriate in the boy’s head. It was almost like his mother was giving him a sign. It was like her way of saying “Eddie-bear, go back inside! The world is dangerous, so stay in your room!” because that’s what she did. 

For most of Eddie’s life, he was fed placebos, convinced he had asthma, and practically forced to be straight. It was all his mother’s doings. Ever since her death Eddie has come to terms with all of his fake illnesses, he’s even been able to come out to his friends! Of course, they all accepted him and helped him whenever he needed it. He was really grateful for the losers he called his friends. 

Lighting struck in the distance, it sent a flash of light over Eddie’s face that caused him to shrink into his towel. The dark clouds that loomed overhead only caused Eddie’s heart to beat harder inside his ribcage. 

Thunder cackled soon after. Eddie’s eyes teared up as he looked up and into the waves, “I-I’m sorry,” He choked, barely able to get the words out. 

Eddie shuffled back into his oceanside house before the rain started, which was good cause when it rained, it poured. The first thing he did when he got inside was close all of the blinds, unable to look out into his backyard without his stomach-turning, the guilt was practically eating away at him. The last thing he saw as he closed the blinds were his pool, the water reflected the dark clouds that loomed overhead, creating a haunting atmosphere. 

The realization caused Eddie to sigh, “That’s gonna be a pain in my ass to clean.” Storms like these always brought the most random crap up from the bottom of the ocean, somehow all of it always ended up in Eddie’s pool. He didn’t even want the pool, he lived so close to the ocean, it was kinda useless. Well, aside from the days when it was too cold to swim in the ocean , that’s when he’d usually heat the pool up and swim in there instead. That was when he still swam. Now he hasn’t used that thing in well over a year. 

After Sonia and Frank passed, The Kaspbrak’s residence was passed down to their only child, Eddie. That house included an underground pool, a house way too big for one person, and an almost private beach that only he and his next door neighbours had access to. (His neighbours on the left never used it though. They were an elderly couple. Sometimes he’d find them sitting outside on the warm days, but they weren’t the outdoor type. His neighbours on the right had their yard fenced off). Eddie never used the pool but kept it clean for the days when his friends came over. They'd go swimming while he read in the shade. 

That night Eddie slept with his ear buds in, music on loud and the covers pulled over his head. He hated how scared he was of the water. He missed the way the waves made him feel. It was something he's never felt before, when he swam he was safe, and free. He's tried to overcome it, but nothing has worked. He'd need a miracle to convince him to get back into the water. 

 ~

Eddie woke up the next morning to the early morning sunlight streaming in through the cracks of his blinds. He mentally cursed out God for creating the sun before he turned over and shoved his face deeper into his pillow. After about 20 more minutes of internal complaining, Eddie finally dragged himself out of bed. His head was waterlogged, hazed by sleep. So when he opened the blinds to his back doors all he saw was a mass of sea shit that now crowded his pool. Instead of focusing on exactly what had washed up onto his property, he simply rolled his eyes and went to go back to breakfast. 

Eddie checked his phone, hoping it’d wake his mind up a little but he sighed as he realized he didn’t have any wifi. His realization brought a thought to the forefront of his mind. “Oh no…. No, no, no,” Eddie mumbled as he padded over towards the nearest light switch. “Fuck,” He leaned his head up against the wall when the lights didn’t turn on. This was something else that happened a lot when they were hit by a storm, the power goes out. 

After breakfast, Eddie got changed out of his pyjamas. He opted to put on an older black tee as he knew he’d be cleaning today. He pulled his iconic red shorts on and slipped on a pair of sneakers. He gathered up all of the cleaning supplies he had set aside for storms like these and set them out on his back porch. 

The morning air smelled of rain and salt. The temperature had dropped a couple of degrees from the previous day, which was refreshing, but it didn’t change the fact that Eddie had a whole yard to clean. 

First, he swept off the porch. He pushed all of the twigs, branches and sand onto the ground below. He noticed one of his neighbour’s palm trees had several fallen branches. That would explain the countless leaves that were scattered across his yard and filled his pool. 

After, he collected as much of the debris from the lawn as he could. Stuffing everything into garbage bags, tying them up, then carrying them to his front yard, where they’d sit until garbage day. Once he was in his front yard, he looked around at his neighbour’s lawns and saw they were all going through the same hell that he was. Everyone was out with garbage bins and shovels, cleaning up the mess the storm left behind. 

“EDDIE! HEY!” A voice called out to him. 

Eddie turned towards the voice and saw his neighbour to the right, Beverly Marsh. He was one of the lucky kids who conveniently lived beside one of his best friends. While the rest of their Losers Club lived no more than 20 minutes away, Bev and Eddie lived the closest, which made it easy for the group to meet up. Even if their meetups almost always ended up at Eddie’s house. 

When his mother was alive, she rarely let all of them come over, but now that she was gone, most of their summer break was spent in Eddie’s backyard, in the pool, on the beach, or in his basement watching movies. Eddie didn’t mind, he enjoyed the company. Especially since living alone got, well, lonely. So he made sure to soak up every moment he could get with his Losers. 

Eddie’s resting bitch face was washed out and replaced by a genuinely happy smile. “Marsh! How’s it hanging?” Eddie said in his best surfer bro voice. 

“It’s totally tubular,” She said, followed by a laugh. “How’s your place? No power?” She asked as she put down the bag she was holding and crossed her yard and onto Eddie’s. 

“Yeah, and my yard is a fucking mess. Don’t even get me started on the pool,” Eddie groaned at the thought.

A smug smile spread over Beverly’s lips, “It’s the days like these when I’m grateful I don’t have a pool. Can’t you just get the pool guys to come and clean it?” She questions. 

“I would but it’d cost me an arm and a leg. I’m just gonna clean then get someone to refill it. It’ll be fine,” He sighed. Eddie was gonna ask if she wanted to help but he lost his chance when Beverly’s aunt came outside. 

“Beverly! Oh, Hi Eddie. How are you doing?” She smiled at him. Beverly’s aunt Katherine was always nice to Eddie, she always helped him whenever he needed it, cooking meals and helping with bills. She was pretty great. 

“As good as I can be after a storm like this, crazy isn’t it?” He nods his head. 

“It really is, on that note, Bev, we should be getting back to work,” She said as Bev nodded. 

“I’ll see you later Eddie. Let me know if you get ahold of the rest of our rat pack, alright?” She winked as she slowly began to back away. 

“Yes ma’am!” Eddie saluted and returned to the backyard. 

He sighed. “No better time than the present, am I right?” He asked himself as he picked up the big net that was propped against the porch, then walked towards the pool.

The water had turned a dark green-grey. It didn’t smell too bad, which was a blessing as Eddie has a sensitive stomach and wasn’t in the mood of adding barf to his list of things to clean. He swept the net over the surface of the water for a couple minutes before noticing how there were a lot bigger pieces of debris than he had realized. 

Looks like we gotta break out the big guns  , Eddie left the net on the side of the pool and went to grab some rubber gloves and one of his big grey garbage cans. He stood at the edge of the pool and stared down at the water below him. It was different when he had the net, he barely had to lean over the edge, but now he was worried about falling in.  What if I lean in, fall, and drown, or get knocked unconscious and die? Eddie calmed his breathing down before it got a chance to pick up. 

“Okay, Eddie, you’re fine,” He let out a shaky breath. He ended up laying down on the pavement, flat on his stomach and stuck his arms over the edge, not daring to let anything below his neck hang over the edge of the pool. Slowly but surely he dragged most of the debris out and onto the pavement, which would then be put into the garbage, but right now he just needed to get everything out of the pool. Amongst the trash and green life he found in the water, he also fished out a pair of glasses, although they didn’t seem like normal glasses. First off, they were pretty big, but the lenses seemed oddly fogged and thick. Reminding Eddie of the sea glass he’s collected over the years of living on the coast. He set them aside and made a note to investigate them further once he was done here. 

After a couple of hours of hard work, Eddie stood over the pool and admired all of his hard work. Sure there was still a bunch of shit at the bottom of the pool, but he agreed to clean that out once the pool had been emptied. There had been a particular pile of debris off in the corner that caught Eddie’s eye. It seemed to be a pile-up of plants and what looked to be a fishing net. He walked over to that side of the pool and squinted down at the trash. Something was dimly shining beneath the pile of soggy algae that covered it. 

Maybe a fish got washed into the pool? Hm, poor dude, Eddie shrugged, about to walk away when the pile twitched ever so slightly, Eddie could have convinced himself he was seeing things, but something was telling him he wasn’t. Determined to see what it was, Eddie quickly grabbed the net and poked the pile of debris. He shied away after the first poke, then moved to poke it again. It twitched again. Eddie’s brow furrowed as he poked it again, a little harder this time. This time it shifted positions, allowing Eddie to see a little bit more of the creature that sat at the bottom of his pool. 

The shine came from scales, and there were a lot of them.  How big is this fucking fish? Oh shit- do I have a shark in my pool?! No dumbass, sharks don’t have scales…

Instead of poking it again, Eddie used the butt end of the net to try to move the debris off of the creature. He was able to push most of the algae aside, but the creature must’ve been tangled up in that damned net. The creature might not have been 100% visible, but he had a better view of it now. 

“Is that? No way…” Eddie began to speak to himself as he examined the creature. “That can’t be...” He said as he examined the part of the creature that looked like it had hair. Well whatever it had that looked like hair, it was inky black, it slowly swayed around-  A HEAD?   “WHAT THE FUCK!” Eddie shrieked as he began to stumble backwards. He stammered and wobbled. But suddenly, one of the bricks that lined the pool gave out beneath him, and he fell forwards. He fell into the pool with a big splash. 

He didn’t even have time to think, his mind was overtaken by panic. Eddie thrashed and splashed, he tried to pull himself to the surface but the water was blurring his vision, making it impossible to tell which way was up. He barely had time to take in any air as he was randomly tossed into the pool. So his lungs ached and his head throbbed. He wanted to scream out for help or stop moving just for a second, in hopes that’d he just float to the surface. But he couldn’t stop, his legs kicked wildly in the water, his shoes heavy on his feet and his clothes constricting his movement. 

He was too busy thinking about his own death to notice the pair of arms that’d wrapped around his waist. Eddie’s lungs began to  burn  , they begged for air, but Eddie knew that he was  not  going to let his mouth open. He refused to die the same death that his parents had. With that, his vision began to blur more than it already was. His mind hazed over and his thrashing minimized. His vision was dotted with black spots, due to lack of oxygen. 

I’m gonna die . 

~

Suddenly he was gasping for air. His lungs heaved as he spat up water and tried to breathe in as much air as he could. He rubbed the water out of his eyes. It took a moment for his gaze to clear, but once he did he realized he was sitting on the edge of the pool, his clothes soaked and his hair filled with leaves and dirt. 

What the fuck happened? How did I get here?  The questions overloaded Eddie’s mind as his breathing quickened, there was so much going on,  too much . 

The water beside him splashed, a light spray of water settled on him. He hesitantly looked over, hoping to see nothing, that he had dreamt it all up. But when he turned his head, he saw something drifting slowly towards him in the water. He hadn’t failed to notice how murkey the water had gotten. It’s green tinge now brown, and a little red. He didn’t even let himself think about what made it red. Eddie panicked and jackknifed, hastily shuffling backwards and away from the water. 

Eddie’s eyes were as wide as saucers, his eyebrows practically in his hairline. His breathing practically stopped as he watched the black hair he’d seen previously slowly poke up out of the water. Eddie wanted to get up and run, call the cops,  something , but he couldn’t. He was frozen in fear and anticipation. He couldn’t help that little bit of wonder that filled his head as the creature continued to come up from the waters’ surface. 

He watched as the head moved up just enough to reveal a pair of impossibly blue eyes. They stared back at him, partially covered by the black hair hanging in its face. Something about the eyes seemed hazy, almost as if they weren’t clear, they squinted for a moment before opening up wide again. 

Eddie could only muster a weak “hi,” as he stared at the creature before him. The blue eyes rolled and bubbles erupted in front of him. The head sunk back down into the water.

A splash caused Eddie to tear his eyes away from where the head once was, and look up. Further down in the pool he watched as a fish like tail splashed against the surface of the water. Half of its fin was covered in the fishing net. The rope digging into the scales. Eddie finally saw what was the cause of the red in the water. The net had various hooks still attached to it. They dug into the scales of the tail, causing it to leak red blood. Eddie’s stomach dropped. 

The tail splashed against the surface of the water again. It acted as a reality check for Eddie as he finally mustered the strength to stand up. Once he was on his feet, he wobbled momentarily before marching towards his porch. He didn’t look back as he closed his patio door. He kept walking until he was in his bathroom. 

He turned on the shower and waited until it filled the small room with steam. The boiling water practically burned all the dirt off of his skin. He was too caught up in his own thoughts to even realize he began thinking out loud. 

“There’s someone in my pool,” He started, his voice distant, “And a fish. A massive fucking fish.” He thought about the mess of hair he’d seen at the bottom of the pool. “No one can survive being underwater that long… No one, but not nothing.”

What if it wasn’t two things in my pool…  

He contemplated the idea for a second, “BUT THEY DON’T EXIST!” Eddie shouted in frustration, thrusting his fist against the ceramic wall of his shower. So many ideas floated through Eddie’s head, he hated it, he hated not knowing what was in his pool. And he hated the fact that the only idea that made semi sense, was that he had a fucking mermaid in his pool. 

“But they’re made-up. Stories, fairytailes.  Not real life, ” He countered, recalling movies like The Little Mermaid and Aquamarine. “But what else explains the tail?” He asked himself in defeat. 

Eddie turned the water to the shower off. His skin was red and raw, he could practically see the steam coming off of himself. He rested his forehead against the wall of his shower and tried to clear his head.  In and out… In and out  , he reminded himself as he took a couple minutes to just  breathe . 

After the hurricane in his head finally calmed down, he allowed himself to think back to what he’d seen outside. Careful to not open the dam of memories, he focused on the tail, the head, the water,  the blood . 

The poor thing is hurt , Eddie sharply inhaled. “Shit…” He recalled the net, and how it dug into the creature's tail. He shivered at the thought of what it must be going through. Then he remembered why he took the shower in the first place, he fell into the pool, and that fish thing, it saved him.

With a new game plan, Eddie finished up in the bathroom, got dressed, then got his fist aid kit and all the other supplies he needed. He went back outside, the sun beating down over his head as he stood on his patio and surveyed his backyard. A new level of determination filled the human. He was intrigued to find out what the hell was in his pool, and this was the best way he could find that out. 

He marched down and to the water’s edge, but all the bravery he had mustered died the moment he saw the creature floating on its front at the edge of Eddie’s pool. 

He raised his hands to cover his mouth, his eyes wide, “Fuck,” he cursed. His mind automatically assumed the worst,  death . But he tried to mentally assure himself that it had just passed out as he didn’t want to panic.

Eddie got down on his knees and carefully leaned over to grab the creature. He held his breath, worried about falling in, but he was able to pull the creature to the edge of the pool. He pushed it over onto its back. He wanted to inspect its face and features but Eddie needed to get him out of the water before those cuts got infected. 

Quickly, Eddie laid a towel down on the pavement beside the pool, worried about what the heat of the ground would do to the fish’s scales. When it came time to pulling the thing out of the water, he hadn’t thought about how much that fucking tale would weigh. He hooked his arms under the arms of the creature and tried to pull him out. He heaved and tugged. 

“Holy shit- you’re  so  fucking heavy,” Eddie gasped,  half way there , he thought to himself. All of the human part was out, and half of the tail, now all he had left was the rest of the tail and the monofin. Eddie took in one sharp inhale before he pulled the rest of it out in one final tug. He gasped as he suddenly landed on his back, the fish flopped down onto the towel beside him. 

Eddie didn’t take too long to recover, he was too interested in seeing what exactly he had just fished out of his swimming pool. He sat on his knees and surveyed the creature that laid uncious before him. 

It was indeed, a mermaid. 

The upper half of its body was made of pasty white skin, as smooth as a shark's skin. It shined in the afternoon sunlight. Its arms were long and fairly skinny with a little muscles. Eddie carefully lifted up one of its hands. He inspected it, noticing how there was an almost translucent webbing that connected his long and bony fingers. Then he let out a small gasp at the claws that laid at the edges of his fingers. They looked sharp, one swipe would surely draw blood. With that, he carefully laid the hand back down by its side. 

Eddie leaned forward a little to examine the creature's face. He lifted a hand, gently pushing some of the soggy hair out of his face. He frowned at the slash that ran across its cheeks, cutting through a wild pack of freckles. His pale skin allowed the freckles on his cheeks to shine like stars on a clear night. Eddie thought about counting them, like he had the stars, but he opted not to as he knew he had more pressing tasks at hand. He took one last glance at the face, allowing himself to soak in the mermaid's features in all its beauty. Yes,  beauty. Even Eddie couldn’t deny it, the creature was fairly beautiful. But now isn't the time for crushes, Eddie shook his head as he finally made his way down to the tale. 

Eddie examined its chest. It was fairly skinny, not malnourished, as in he could slightly see his ribs, but it wasn't too concerning. He noticed a couple bruises and various scrapes that would need to be disinfected. He followed the pale skin down. Suddenly Eddie’s brows furrowed together. The creature had no belly button. But if he had, then the scales would have started just below it. 

Now without the water blurring their colour, he was able to see the scales in all their glory. They were a pastel blue, some places darker than others, the shades varying as the tail continued. The tip of its monofin shined a sparkly silver that could give the real stuff a run for its money.

Finally, he got to his feet and overlooked  all of the creature’s injuries. Sure he had some scraps, cuts and bruises along the upper part of its body, but its tail got the worst of it. The net was tangled up in its monofin and dug into its scales, causing some of them to flake off. 

He raked his hands through his hair, tugging at the ends. “Fuck,” he sighed, realizing how much work he had to do. Without wasting any more time, he leaned over to the abundance of supplies he’d brought outside and grabbed the exacto knife to cut the net. Just as the blade popped out and Eddie leaned in, something cold and slimy grabbed his wrist. His body went cold, head snapping towards the mermaids. His eyes locked with the fish’s. The blues of his eyes were wide and determined. Eddie looked down and realized it was the hand with the knife. Quickly he grabbed the knife with his free hand and tossed it to the side. 

“Hey-Hey, it’s okay,” Eddie motioned his hands to show that they were empty and he meant no harm. Only then did the creature release Eddie’s hand, his head flopping back against the towel.  Eddie leaned over and saw that its eyes were still open, but they were hazed, almost unfocused. Eddie didn’t think too much of it, probably the salt water making him go blind or something. 

“Okay, I’m just gonna try to remove the net, alright?” He asked, but received no response. He leaned back over and pulled his bifocals out of his second fanny pack, then leaned back in and began examining the net. 

The mermaid’s head tilted upwards, it watched the human’s fingers traced along the edges of the net. Its eyes grew wide at the sight of the spectacles on Eddie’s face. 

Eddie noticed the movement and glanced over at the creature. He hummed lightly, wondering what it was looking at. The moment didn’t last too long as when Eddie leaned away from the tail, the creature lunged at him. Its arms out and claws sharp, its eyes filled with determination. Eddie shrieked and fell backwards, his hands flew up to his face. 

After a moment of heavy breathing, he realized he felt no pain. He slowly moved his shaky hands away from his face and looked up at the mermaid. He was surprised to see it carefully holding his bifocals. 

It held it in his hands as if they were so fragile they’d break. The creature slid them onto his face as if it was a second nature. The blue eyes blinked a couple times before its face scrunched up in confusion. It took the glasses off and held them once again in its hands. Now its face was filled with disbelief and worry. 

“What?” Eddie asked, unsure of what was happening. 

The creature looked up at the human with sad, hazy eyes. For a moment they just held eye contact, as if they were having a conversation with their eyes in a language Eddie didn’t understand. Then the creature held the glasses out towards Eddie with one hand, while the other pointed towards its own chest. 

Eddie’s face scrunched up, he hated charades. “What about the glasses?”. 

The creature pointed to itself once again. 

“Your glasses?” Eddie suggested, and the blue eyes widened to an impossible size. A new emotion spread over the fish’s face, excitement. “Yeah?” Eddie asked, and nodded. “Yeah!” Eddie said happily. “Yeah…” he repeated, this time with fear laced in his voice as he had no clue where its glasses were. 

Since when do mermaids wear glasses anyways? What the fuck?

“Wait- You can understand me?” It finally dawned on Eddie, he’d been talking to a mermaid, and it was responding… technically. 

Its eyebrows lowered and their glare became sharp, as if to say ‘ Yeah, so? ’, followed by a slow nod. Now it had used its free arm to prop itself up on it’s elbow so they were almost at eye level. 

Eddie smiled softly at the fish, his cheeks a little warmer than they were before. He nervously chuckled, “Oh, cool”. He rubbed the back of his neck, diverting his gaze around the backyard so he didn’t have to stare into those ocean eyes any longer. His sight landed on the pile of trash he said he’d sort through later that laid on his lawn and he noticed a piece of glass that shined in the light. 

Eddie gasped, he jumped from his sitting position up to his feet and ran to his pile of trash. He snatched the object up off of the lawn and ran back to the mermaid, practically falling down beside it. Eddie got situated on the ground, a wide smile on his face. He held them and carefully opened them up, without any further wait, he leaned in and slid the glasses on the mermaid's face. 

The fish was confused at first, unsure of how to feel about the human being so close. But the small boy didn’t give it much of a chance to react because before he could flinch, his vision cleared. Its hands moved up to its face and felt around, touching the glasses that they knew all too well. 

Finally being able to see clearly, it looked up at the boy in front of it. Its lips curved into a wide smile that got a little giggle out of the human. 

“So I guess those are yours?” Eddie asks. 

The mermaid nods proudly. The moment is cut short when a bolt of pain cuts through the fish’s tail, it grimaces and hisses.

Eddie tenses at the sound, “Oh shit! Sorry, but can I  please use the knife?” He beged, eyes wide and worried. 

The mermaid lies back down on the towel, eyes forced shut. It nods. 

Okay, okay, okay  . Eddie’s thoughts pick up at the thought of being so close to the creature. Not because it’s like- cute or anything,  no  , it’s because he doesn't want to hurt it.  Yeah, that’s why . 

Eddie gripped the exacto knife with enough strength to make his knuckles go white. His eyes skimmed over the net, deciding on where to cut. He found a spot he claimed to be a good start and began cutting. He sliced the net up and into pieces, slowly freeing the tail from its grasp. Soon enough he was just left with the pieces that had the hooks attached to them. 

“Sorry this is gonna hurt,” Eddie said before he carefully pulled the fist hook loose. The fish’s breathing hitched and filled with pain. “ Sorry!”  Eddie grimaced as he pulled another one out. This one leaked a lot more blood and the mermaids hand smacked around the ground, causing Eddie to jump at the sudden sound. It felt like it took hours to fully free the tail, but soon enough the deed was done. 

Eddie leaned back on his hands and tilted his head up towards the sun. “I’m sorry,” he breathed before looking back down at the mermaid. It sat upright now, carefully examining its tail. It reached out to touch one of the cuts. Eddie jumped into action and slapped the hand away. It hissed at Eddie. “Hey! Don’t do that, I’ve still gotta disinfect them, okay?” His tone grew impatient as he cracked open the first aid kit. 

His back began to ache from the hours he’d spent hunched over the blue tail, disinfecting the scrapes and bandaging the deeper cuts. He moved on to the upper half of the creature. 

“Tell me if this hurts, okay?” Eddie requested as the mermaid gave him a side eye look. Eddie began to slowly put pressure on different places on the fish’s chest, mainly the places with the bruises to see if- The mermaid let out a loud hiss. Eddie’s hands shot up and away as its claws came into view again. “Sorry! You have an injured rib, so that’s why it hurts. You won’t be able to move much until it heals,” Eddie explained, his mind going through the healing process when he realized it won’t be able to swim in this condition, and it certainly can’t stay on land in Eddie’s backyard. 

“Oh…” Eddie’s graze dropped, a sudden wave of fatigue washed over him as he realized what he’s gonna have to do. But before he allowed himself to think over the idea too much, he finished cleaning all of the cuts that needed it. 

“O-Okay, so I-um.... I can’t leave you here, and I can’t bring you back to the ocean cause you’re hurt and you need to properly heal. So i’m gonna bring you into my house and keep you in my bathtub, okay?” He rambled in hopes the creature understood what he was saying.  God, I sound fucking insane. This is insane! I can’t keep an oversized goldfish in my tub. But I can’t leave him out here… the pool guys are coming tomorrow and if they see him we’d be in so much shit- It’s the only way  . Eddie finalized his plan with a sigh.   

“You,” he pointed at the creature, “stay,” he demanded before he got up and went back inside. He ran upstairs and into the bathroom, flopped down beside the big bathtub, and began running the water. He set the temperature to warm then took a moment to catch his breath. 

Everything began to settle in. The mermaid, the scales, the storm, the future, the creature’s eyes, its freckles-  Okay, Eddie stop it. It’s a fucking sea creature, you can’t have a crush on it . He huffed and rolled his eyes at his gay thoughts. Eddie’s been out for a couple months now, to his mother's dismay, and he’s been happy. Sure he’s had a couple crushes before, but he’s never had one on a fish person… So he wasn't too sure what to think of that. 

The white noise created by the running water created a soothing atmosphere for the boy, and for a moment, he sat in silence and just  breathed . Though the moment was short lived, a low whale-like sound erupted from his stomach, reminding him about the fact that he hasn't had lunch yet. He looked down at his watch and saw it was already 3 pm. 

Holy shit, time flies when you're with a merman. If I’m hungry then imagine what it must be feeling, when was the last time it ate? What does it eat? Do I have anything to feed it? Okay let’s just focus on getting it inside first- Also? Finding a fucking name for this thing, I can’t keep calling it, well, IT!

Eddie shook all of the static out of his head and pulled himself to his feet. He turned the knob to the bathtub and turned the water off, he hoped the temperature would suffice, he’d find out soon enough. 

Going back to the mermaid in his backyard, he found it in the same place he left it, which was a relief. Still on its back, with an arm on its forehead to shade its eyes from the blaring afternoon sun. It sensed the human before he approached. It moved its arm and tilted its head to look up at the towering figure. 

“Hi again, so I need to pick you up to bring you inside. So you don't… die. Is that okay?” Eddie asked awkwardly. The creature simply shrugged, as if to say ‘Do what you need’. “Okay,  well , you need to help me out cause you weigh a fucking ton and I am not strong. So wrap your arms around my neck and don’t-don’t fucking eat me,” Eddie instructed as he got down on his knees, bracing himself for the weight he’d soon carry. 

The mermaid sat up. Eddie moved his hands underneath the tail, he didn’t wait for the mer to move its arms because he knew if he waited any longer he’d convince himself not to. So he sharply inhaled and lifted the mermaid up bridal style. He wobbled slightly as he gained his balance on his feet. The wobble sent a shiver down the mer’s spine, he jumped to wrap its arms around Eddie’s neck in fear of being dropped. 

The sudden motion made Eddie smirk. “Oh,  now  you do it,” he forced a small laugh. Eddie began to walk forward towards the house, each step harder than the last. 

When they got to the stairs, Eddie’s breath hitched when he went up the first stair, his arms almost gave out from beneath him. 

The mermaid shook and buried its face in the crook of Eddie’s neck. Eddie felt the glasses dig into his neck. With the sudden change of proximities,  the mer’s breath sent shivers down Eddie’s back, it was slow and warm. 

The muscles in his arms burned before he even started up the staircase to the second flood. “Fuck… me,” Eddie murmed, as if it was going to take away the fiery pain that ran through his body. 

Eddie was practically dragging his feet as he walked, unable to bring them up from the ground. His vision was set on the staircase in front of him, so he didn’t notice the one floorboard that was slightly higher than the others. The toe of his foot collided with the floorboard and they went toppling forward, hitting the floor with a big  thump . 

The creature let out a ear bleeding shriek as it fell, then pain erupted from its tail as it landed on the ground. Certainly the extra weight of a human on its torso didn’t help at all. 

Eddie was in shock for a moment, unsure of what had just happened. Looking around he turned and saw he was now face to face with the mermaid. Their eyes locked, both of them wild and concerned. Eddie snapped himself back into reality before he could get lost in the ocean eyes again. 

“I-I’m sorry.  Shit , I’m so sorry,” Eddie stammered, his body weak and his arms aching. He rolled off the creature and onto his back. “I’m sorry,” He croaked, the failure settling in. 

He didn’t move his gaze from the ceiling over his head. He didn’t want the mer to see his eyes as they filled with tears. Something cold rested on top of Eddie’s hand. Hesitantly, he dragged his eyes over to the creature beside him. The hand held onto his own as the mermaid’s lips offered a tight but comforting smile, as if to say,  it’s okay, really . Eddie shifted his hand ever so slightly so the mer’s hand fit more comfortably in his. The webbing that lined the fingers of the mermaid’s hand tickled Eddie’s. Its thumb rubbed slow circles over Eddie’s knuckles. 

“A-Are you okay?” Eddie whispered worriedly. 

The creature was in pain, for sure, but it nodded anyways, for the human’s sake. 

Neither of them were sure how long they stayed like that, hand in hand, breathing laboured and heavy, eyes on the ceiling. Although at some point Eddie’s arms felt a smidge better, and his breathing had returned. That’s when he knew he had to try again. 

“1....2...3!” Eddie lifted the mermaid off the ground again. It seemed just a little easier than last time. This time he kept his breathing steady, and kept his eyes going from the stairs in front of him to his goal, the bathroom. 

Once they stood in the middle of the upstairs hallway, Eddie took a minute and stood and caught his breath. He noticed the way the mer’s eyes drifted and examined his new surroundings. But something caught his eye and Eddie felt one of the arms slowly move away from his neck. Hesitantly he turned his head just in time to see the clawed hand reaching out for Eddie’s own little creature that sat in a fish tank that lined the hallway. It was his pet betta fish, Goldy. (He wasn't a creative kid, okay?).

“NO!” Eddie exclaimed, almost dropping the mermaid again. The sudden motion caused the arm to wrap back around Eddie’s neck in fear of being dropped. “Do  not  eat my goldfish. She is a friend, not fucking food,” he practially growled. 

The creature shrank away, not a fan of the tone Eddie had gained. As much as it wanted to lean  away  from the boy who just scolded him, it leaned  into  Eddie, it liked the warmth his skin gave off. It curled a little deeper into his touch, putting his chin on top of his shoulder and nestling into the side of his face. 

Eddie got the mermaid settled into the bathtub and immediately noticed a change in its mood. Suddenly its eyes had a new sparkle to them and his lips were always semi smiling. 

Eddie sat on the closed toilet seat and took in the sight before him.  A mermaid in my bathtub… This’ll be one hell of a diary entry  . “So! I-er, I hope this isn’t rude, but are you a girl or a boy? I know you don’t have boobs but I really don’t know how this whole  mermaid  thing works,” Eddie stopped himself before he kept rambling. 

The mer lifted two fingers in the air.  Two, second, second option. “Boy?” Eddie tilted his head. The creature nodded. He sighed in relief, “Good, good… I-I’m Eddie by the way.” The creature nodded again then ducked his head down into the water and blew bubbles up at the human. Eddie huffed in amusement at the gesture. 

The human’s stomach rumbled again. He rolled his eyes in response. He didn’t even bother telling the mermaid- merman? Merman. He didn’t bother telling him he was gonna leave cause the mer looked like he was having the time of his life blowing bubbles down under. Once he was in the kitchen, Eddie tried to be quick, opening up every cupboard and checking everywhere for food fit for a fish. The only thing he came across that seemed semi-suitable were fish sticks. Eddie eyed them for about half a minute before ripping the bag open, throwing them into a container then shoving it in the microwave. He made himself a quick sandwich, cheese and ketchup (That was the most unhealthy food Sonia ever let Eddie eat so let him be). He’d barley chewed his first bit before the microwave beeped. He held the sandwich in between his lips and held the container with both hands, moving it between the two cause it was hot. 

Once he was back in the bathroom he took his seat back down on the toilet seat and set the container on his lap. Eddie quickly ate his sandwich, only when he looked up did he notice the merman’s eyes were sitting out of the water, watching him like a hawk from behind his sea glasses. 

“Hungry?” Eddie asked as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

The merman lifted the rest of his head out of the water at the sight of the food. Eddie held up a fish stick, “Okay, I know this is like processed shit but,” he sighed, tired of all the talking and manual labour he’s been doing, “It’s all I have.”

The mer shrugged and opened his mouth, asking Eddie to feed him. The human was taken aback at the gesture, but he gave in and picked up a fish stick, tearing a bite-sized chunk off. Eddie leaned forward and held it out just in front of the mer’s face. Its lips felt soft against the human skin as it took the food from him. It gulped it down happily then opened his mouth up again. The fish finished the whole container. 

He opened his mouth again and Eddie scoffed, “I’m all out fish boy! I guess I’ll go get some stuff tomorrow,” Eddie motioned to the empty container. The fish let out a low grumble as he sunk back under the water and blew bubbles at Eddie, as if showing attitude.

“Oh shut it trashmouth,” Eddie retorted, the nickname just slipped out. 

The water sloshed against the side of the tub as his eyes burst back out of the water. 

Eddie let out a nervous laugh at the sudden movement, “W-What? You like that,  trashmouth? ” Eddie said in a teasing manner. The mer’s lips smirked from underwater. The sight brightened Eddie’s smile. 

“Well,  trashmouth, I have no clue what time it is but I’m tired as fuck. I’m gonna go to sleep. You should too, so you can heal,” Eddie advised. He stood, took a step towards the tub and ruffled the fish’s hair. The mer leaned into the touch, the both of them enjoyed the physical attention.

Word count: 7604

I hope you guys liked the first chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments. I will see you guys next week with chapter 2, Sushi and Speeches. Until then, So Long And Goodnight.

~

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ok, time for a semi-thought out review-spoilers below

I knew that the captain badge thingy Lunaris gave Penny (I shall use this nickname because her name is too damn long) was some type of control device. That scene reminded me too much of Mark giving Gizmoduck that Waddle badge for it to just be a coincidence.

I am LIVING for Lunaris’ dramatic, theatrical voice! He is 100% THAT BITCH

HERE’S HOW PHOOEY DUCK CAN STILL WIN

You know you’re in for a good time when Dewey and Webby team up. I guess old men in Disney shows CAN’T have models in bottles. 

The different family members that Scrooge has pictures of all over are super sweet. No matter what he claims, Scrooge is a family man. 

It’s super cute that Huey was sending postcards. He’s a good boi.

I wonder if Donald’s head is that hard or if the cell walls are really soft.

I bet those visors on the helmets that go over the Moonlander’s eyes are some kind of mind-control devices

I think Lunaris WANTED Donald and Penny to find his secret war room. He sensed her hesitation. Plus if Donald was SO IMPORTANT TO him, Lunaris probably would have taken Donald to the mines personally.

You like Della don’t you, Penny? *smug Spongebob face*

Dewey is 110% THAT BITCH. He and Drake need to hangout sometime.

“We’re both the bad cop.” Webby, sweetie...

Dew-tective. Dewey is pun-sexual

Donald/Cheesy Postcards is otp. But who is he sending those cheesy postcards to? Or does he just collect them?

 The lighting in the noir scene was AMAZING.

Oh Webby, you were so close

“He’s your uncle too.” “WHAT CASE?!” I love my red son.

Poor Donald. It’s not his fault he’s so squishy. We can’t all be Darkwing Duck tough.

Gibbous is lucky to have Zenith. I want more of the two of them. They are adorable

“Almost pleasurable to hit” ...no comment. Also Donald makes the same sound as Spongebob when he’s hit. Therefor Donald must be part sponge and that is how he can take so much damage.

“Inflicting pain is fun!”-Frank’s motto

“This is your moment, Gibbous.”

THAT WINK! MY LITTLE BI HEART COULDN’T HANDLE IT!

Penny’s directions are HORRIBLE. I hope she never has to lead anyone else anywhere.

Their plan was SUCH a kid logic plan. I LOVE IT.

The mailwoman is GORGEOUS AND I LOVE HER.

“Bill, bill, bill. Man, being an adult is not fun.” I feel personally attacked

I think Mr. Jones could have worded his letter better. Also, I keep getting bills from my therapist even though I already paid them so that hit close to home as well.

Donald is too thicc for the vent system.

This scene has THE BEST DONLAD FACES EVER!

The moon scorpion is ADORABLE and I LOVE IT. I bet that little guy is gonna give Donald his superpowers. It followed Donald and helped him out when he was (sometimes literally) in a tight spot.

 I WANT TO CUDDLE WITH DONALD!

“Oooo, seedy.” Webby, hon, we need to talk. Dewey in the background freaking out over the roach was great.

Dewey, darling, you do not have spy skills. We still love you anyway.

Webby is 200% THAT BITCH. I feel like the fake backstory was probably a reference to something but I’m not sure what. The locket thing made me think of Anne. Webby is COMMITTED to her backstories.

DO NOT TOUCH! (DEWEY!!) What has Dewey done with that uniform to warrant such a warning?

Dewey, there is a time and place for your own theme song. This was neither.

Webby, please never change.

Donald’s file is as dummy thicc as he is. I hate myself.

I DEMAND A PLUSH OF DT17 DONALD. NOW.

Donald has entered DAD MODE (™)

I wish Donald would gently rock me to sleep. And tuck me in. And give me a kiss on the cheek.

“Aw, phooey”-because you can’t say “Fuck me” on the Disney Channel

MOONY TO THE RESCUE (I’ve named them and I am TOTALLY ATTACHED/EMOTIONALLY BONDED WITH THEM). 

DAT ASS

Would beds made of gold be comfortable?

DANCE, DONALD, DANCE

“Help me look for them. But DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING.” Penny, you need to work on your leadership skills.

I wish we could get a closer look at Lunaris’ “Most Dangerous” list. The man is thorough. Organization goals. 

I didn’t see Beakley, Webby, or Launchpad on there. Darkwing isn’t on there either, but he’s brand new so that one makes sense.

It made me very happy to see Lunaris continue to get beat up. Not as tough as you act, ya bastard. And he’s a dumbass for not using the dummy first, then testing on one of the moon mites, and ENDING with himself. Do you even science, bro?

The pic of Donald with the eggs warmed my heart. :’)

It’s adorable that Dewey thinks that he’s a detective/spy and that he could get the jump on anyone, much less Webby.

LET THE POOR DUCK HAVE A BREAK! HASN’T HE SUFFERED ENOUGH?!

HOW DARE THAT BASTARD HURT MY MOON WIFE!

“Great victory comes with great sacrifice.” I do NOT like the sound of that.

DONALD IS A DETERMINED MOTHER FUCKER.

I really feel like Donald is the best fighter in the show. Even when he’s in pretty bad shape, Donald can take a punch without getting KO’d. He’s good at evading hits. Jim and Drake may be able to take more damage, but Donald can avoid getting hurt in the first place. Well, at least in a fight.

Lunaris is what Magica and Glomgold think they are. He’s cold, calculating, and organized. He can get inside someone’s head to find out how they work. He knows a person’s emotional weakness and will dig into it. I think Donald might end up throwing off his game because Donald reacts much differently to emotional stress than most. Others breakdown and are at their most vulnerable. But Donald channels the emotions into energy and is arguably at his most powerful.

I think Webby may have a problem remembering what is real and what she made up.

Dewey might have the same problem.

Scrooge, you need to accept the you are old. OLD AS BALLS.

The #1 therapist mug is great. I also like that they once again took a character from the comics and gave them an upgrade. Though Mr. Jones seems like he should be in anger management as well.

If we needed anymore proof that Donald is a FUCKING FORCE OF NATURE, Mr. Jones’ office gives us a pretty good idea of what Donald is capable of. Little guy can pack a punch.

That speech, man. That PERFECTLY explains who Donald is and why he does what he does. I cried when Mr. Jones was explain how much Donald loves his family overlayed with Donald himself backing up those words. POETIC CINEMA! T_T

Donald out-maneuvering Lunaris shows what Donald is best at-reading a situation and adjusting his tracticts/plan. He’s pretty good at thinking on his feet and unlike the majority of the other characters, Donald knows when he’s out-matched. That’s why he and Della were such a good team. Della was the brawn while Donald was the brains.

DONALD IS TOO STUBBORN TO DIE. And Moony is soooo in there with him.

“There goes the bravest man on two worlds.” Truer words have never been spoken. He might be the most stubborn as well. 

SCROOGE, YOU CALLOUS CORKSCREW DICK! YOU ARE PROBABLY THE CAUSE OF 90% OF THAT ANGER. YOU SHOULD PAY.

“Because he loves us.” I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING!

Y’all were SO CLOSE!

The look Scrooge gets when he’s listening to Donald’s message, he KNOWS something is up.

Donald is off to Canada (old SU meme is old.

Seriously though, Scrooge is kind of a prick in this episode. He brushes off a lot of stuff about Donald, like the therapy. I hope this is leading to something like Grunkle Stan and Dipper, that Scrooge is hard on Donald because he sees a lot of himself in his nephew. Both have anger issues and both have unique speech pattern. I’m sure Scrooge has dealt with people not being understand him due to his accent many times.

I like that they didn’t make a joke out of Donald receiving therapy. If this were an “adult” show, the show/characters would probably mock Donald for going. But here it’s presented as a good thing and that Donald is mature and a good person for reaching out for help. The fact that he did it to be a better parent...SO PURE AND WHOLESOME. DONALD IS BEST DAD! 

mac buys a motorcycle.

PHILADELPHIA, PA 11:15 ON A MONDAY

"Come on, it's badass, dude! I thought you'd be excited! It's like I'm Ghost Rider and you're- Wait, no, it's like I'm Michael Carrington and you're Stephanie Zinoni!"

"... I'm Stephanie Zinoni."

"Yeah, man, but not like, because of the romance and stuff, because of the motorcycle!"

"That's not even the original, Mac, why is that your first thought-"

"Because I am no ordinary boy, Dennis. I am now a rider... that's cool."

Dennis pinches the bridge of his nose.

Mac assumes it must be because of the mid-morning sun or a hangover or a migraine, not that he's annoyed- because there's no way he could possibly be annoyed with this. It's basically the best thing that's ever happened to them.

One Mac Mcdonald is now the proud owner of an actual, working, not-stolen, bought-with-real-life-money motorcycle. Sure, it's a little... antique and... rustic... and some of those other words people on fixer-upper shows use to describe garbage. But it was cheap and it runs and Mac kinda sorta mostly knows how to ride it- and that's enough for him.

"This is why we never have money for the goddamn groceries, Mac-"

"Dennis, Dennis..." Mac holds out his palms like he's trying to steady a spooked horse, "I didn't take it out of our account."

"Then how- You know what?" Dennis flits a dismissive hand through the air. "I don't care, I don't want to know."

This isn't exactly playing out how Mac had pictured it in his head. He'd tossed in bed for hours last night fantasizing about rolling up on his bike, leaving a trail of gravel and skid marks in his dust. Then Dennis sees him and his jaw drops just before his mouth curves into that big, disbelieving smile, and he thinks Mac's just as cool as Country Mac was (God rest his soul) and he hops on and they speed off and Dee and Frank and Charlie are so jealous and-

It's not going like that at all.

But he could fix this!

Mac curves his eyebrows up into a knot and pouts his lips, staring Dennis down without so much as blinking. Dude could act frustrated all he wanted, but he never said no the puppy dog eyes.

Dennis folds his arms across his chest, lowers his shoulders, and visibly softens. This is working...

"So you want me to ride it with you?" he asks quietly and matter-of-factly, all of the sting gone from his voice.

"Uh-huh."

"And you expect me to sit on the... the bitch seat of this Mad-Maxian death trap?"

"Oh," Mac chirps. "Well, if you're scared, then you don't have to-"

"I am not-!" Dennis steels himself, glaring at the triumphant grin on Mac's lips. His tone is calm when he speaks again. "I am not scared. That's absurd. I am a very impetuous man when I want to be."

Mac simply shrugs. He has no idea what that means, but it sounds like a yes, so he'll take it.

"Then prove it," he teases, turning back to the motorcycle.

Mac knocks the kickstand off the ground with his boot and throws his leg over the seat. He grips the handlebars, just clenching them in his hands, squeezing until his knuckles turn white. Taking a deep, full breath, he revels in this moment. Sure, he was already badass before, but on this thing, he's like fucking Maverick in Top Gun. It's an incredible feeling-

Until Dennis' damn reptilian monster claws dig into his shoulder blades.

"You're supposed to put your arms around me, dude," -Mac clicks his tongue in chastising disapproval- "so you don't fall off and get, like, shredded."

"I am not a goddamn wedge of parmesan cheese, Mac, I will not be shredded by anything," -he slackens his already loose grip- "and it's humiliating enough I have to sit behind you like I'm an aging Harrison Ford, I'm not going to wrap my arms around you."

Mac sighs through his nose in quiet annoyance, like he's dealing with a bratty child (because he essentially is), and revs the engine just once. "Fine, but I'm not paying your hospital bills when you get, and I repeat, shredded."

"I'm skeptical that you could."

Eh, that's fair. He'll let him have that one.

"And aren't you going to put on a helmet?" Dennis keeps rambling. "You do remember how this ended for your cousin, right? And he was certainly better at this than you."

Mac suppresses a grumble in his throat.

"Oh, sure, Dennis," he scoffs, "and while I'm at it, why don't I just slap a sticker on my head that says pussy?"

There are- finally- no more protests after that.

Good.

The motorcycle gets going with a bit of a struggle, sputtering like a kinked hose, but once it's off, it's off. The streets are uncharacteristically empty, giving the bike a lot of room to swerve and move around- not that Mac needs to, he knows how to work it! After a couple of twists and turns through Philly, once he really gets a feel for the thing, Mac starts gunning it and blatantly disobeying all posted road signs. He's not sure how far over the limit he's going, but it's hard not to speed when there's no one on the road. The few cars he does pass, he weaves in and out of and drifts around, earning himself a few frustrated honks in the process. They're just jealous of how cool he looks with his boy-

His boy. His guy. His dude. Bro. Buddy. Den. Dennis. Dennis Reynolds. His friend.

"You're going to get me killed, you know!" Dennis, think of the devil, shouts over the sickly cough of the struggling engine.

Mac can't figure out why the hell Dennis is so stressed out. It's not as if they're going to take a wrong turn and careen off the edge of the Grand Canyon, they're in fucking Philadelphia. Worst case scenario, they'll ram into some bozo's car, tip over, and walk away with a couple of scrapes and road rashes.

Not that that's going to happen.

He's definitely holding on now, though. Each time they pick up a little speed or take a sudden corner, Dennis curls against his back like an agitated cat, hands clutching fistfuls of Mac's tee shirt and grinding into his sides. Den is all knobby bones and sharp knees and jagged edges, but Mac doesn't mind- he's gotten used to it over the course of... basically their entire lives. He's never minded. Not in high school when they crashed together under the bleachers, not during movie nights at their apartment, not getting brownout drunk in the same side of a booth at the bar, and definitely not now. He figures some people would probably find being prodded in the backside like this unpleasant, but it's just... just Dennis. It's familiar.

"It's not- not that I'm scared or anything! I just think everyone would be a lot happier if you slowed down a little!"

"I don't know, that sounds pretty scared to me, man!" Mac yells back as sharp fingernails burrow into his ribcage. He likes the way it feels, like God himself cracking the rib of Adam in his hands to set the world in motion.

"It's not about that, it's about obeying the goddamn traffic laws so you don't end up with a ticket that I have to pay out of our- my bank account!"

Mac pretends not to hear him. Maybe if Dennis would just shut up and enjoy the wind in his hair, he wouldn't be so testy. He can't figure out what the big deal is. Dennis hadn't been upset last night. He was sober (not totally sober, that would be dangerous, but mostly), took a long shower before bed, did his nightly skincare routine, sat across the sofa from Mac while they watched Food Network, complained about every single dish even though he himself almost never cooked or ate, fell asleep with his head flush against a throw pillow and his balmed lips slightly parted as he breathed softly-

Stoplight! They're at a stoplight!

Mac hits the brake hard to avoid rear-ending the car in front of him, which sends him lurching forward. As he sways, two ridgid hands clamp onto either side of his head and a sharp, anxious breath is drawn behind him.

What...?

He glances back at Dennis over his shoulder, brow tense with confusion. Before he can ask him what's up, he's struck by the gentle look of concern on his face, by the teeth rolling over his lip as he tentatively lowers his hands back down, by the way all of his edges go soft...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

"Oh my God, Den, are you worried about me?" Mac slaps a hand on the bike in surprise. "Dennis, that is so sweet, dude!"

"Well..." Dennis swallows a lump, avoiding direct eye contact. His hands are pulled back now, resting on his own thighs instead of around Mac. "If you die, we both die, so... I simply have my best interest in mind."

A long moment passes between them, neither moving back into position or saying anything more. Mac watches a bead of sweat roll down Dennis' forehead, watches him lick his chapped lips, watches him like he's the only fucking person in the whole entire world because, to Mac, he-

Some dick is honking at him. Asshole. He could just go around or whatever!

"You want to head back to the bar, man?" Mac asks sympathetically, like he's asking him if he needs medicine for a headache or a warm blanket.

Dennis doesn't answer immediately.

Then the jerk behind them honks again.

"Would you-" Dennis does a one-eighty, then whirls back to Mac. "Yes, I would like to go home and get away from," -he waves a hand in the car's direction- "this rude man who honks!"

And just like that they're back to normal... which is kind of a relief. Totally normal. Just hanging out. That's a good thing.

Mac repositions himself and starts back towards the bar, slower this time, at what he guesses is a reasonable speed. He has no idea, honestly, but he's pretty sure he's supposed to go faster than the cars because the bike is smaller. That makes sense to him.

Dennis' hands are no longer jabbing into him like a couple of Swiss army knives with all of the tools loose. They aren't exactly around him, either, but they're definitely on him. They're trained at either side of his torso, not hesitant in any way, just there. One of Dennis' fingers is drumming against his rib, presumably to some song he's got stuck in his head. His breath is steady on the back of Mac's tousled hair and, every once in a while, at a stop, he adjusts and Dennis' chest and thighs brush up against his back- just for a second.

Mac will never admit that he takes the long way back to the bar.

By the time they return, he figures it must be about half past noon. The middle of the day on a Monday isn't exactly a busy time for them. No one is really drinking (themselves excluded, of course), so hopefully Dee and Charlie won't nag about where they've been and how they haven't worked all morning. Then Dennis would get annoyed and probably never do this again.

They'll probably never do it again, anyways. He is not Michael Carrington and Dennis is not Stephanie Zinoni.

Mac hangs back for a minute after Dennis hops off and heads into the bar, muttering something about how he has to go fix his hair and reminding Mac to pick the bugs out of his teeth- the ones that weren't already there before.

They're back to normal. That's a good thing. It's definitely a good thing.

He drifts off thinking about that scene where Michelle Pfeiffer somehow climbs around onto the front of the motorcycle and flips her hair and blocks the view, but it doesn't matter because the road is empty and they're together and they're in love, and Dennis is kissing him and he doesn't even complain about the metal prodding into his back and bruising his pale skin because he just wants to kiss Mac that badly and-

He's going to have to say some Hail Marys later for that one.

Mac isn't sure how many he has to say to repent for how badly he wants Dennis' hands in his hair again. If he asks a priest, he'll have to confess to it out loud, so he'll just guess. Maybe there aren't enough breaths in him to make up for the things that he feels. Maybe he'll have to pay in the afterlife instead.

The bike is still worth every Hail Mary, and every penny.

A detailed look at Stanley Nelson’s Miles Davis documentary: “Birth Of The Cool” (2019)

The following is an in depth review of the New York premiere weekend of Stanley Nelson's Birth of the Cool which I attended on Sunday August 25th, 2019.  Where applicable I have added some additional information about Miles' history and career to give context for new fans in the Davis orbit.  

Introduction

Miles Davis.  All you need to do is say the name and many adjectives are conjured-- restless innovator, genius, temperamental, swagger, fashion icon, tenderness, mentor. All of  these themes and then some are explored in famed director Stanley Nelson's fantastic new documentary Birth Of The Cool. For casual music lovers and devotees of Davis' extensive genre breaking career, there is a lot on offer.  Initially when the film was announced, following Don Cheadle's  creative  vision of the trumpeter's retirement period with Miles Ahead in 2015 the thought in my mind as a lifelong Davis fan was what could possibly be covered that I don't already know?  The answer is quite a bit. Through combinations of interviews with those who knew him best, musicologists, fellow musicians such as Jimmy Cobb, Herbie Hancock, Ron Carter, Wayne Shorter, Lenny White, Carlos Santana, family friends, and ex wife Frances Taylor Davis, it creates quite an intimate portrait.

By far the most impressive feature of the two hour documentary is the coverage of Miles the man, not as an mythical superhero figure as some documentaries or biopics are wont to do with their subjects.   Nelson covers virtually the entire spectrum of his career and life: personal reflections from Davis' joys  following Dizzy and Bird to 52nd street, meeting ex wife Frances Taylor, the unbearable suffering of his heroin habit quitting cold turkey, the relapse into drug use to deal with intense physical pain, his thoughts on creation, the freedom of being a black man in Paris, and the disappointment of coming home and seeing the racism again, among other topics. Davis is approachable and endearing to the audiences voiced by actor Carl Lumbly reading portions from both Miles: The Autobiography and interviews from his later years.

The Music and Film Production

Nelson's interspersion of decade specific footage to track the trajectory of the trumpeter's varied career is incredibly clever featuring stock footage, fast cuts of classic films, and significant political events.  The use of Wayne's Shorter's “Paraphernalia” from Miles In The Sky (Columbia, 1968)  as the director announces the decades through slick headers is striking. It is striking in part because it drives home the point of how the trumpeter was always moving forward.  Though he always went forward musically seeking to change with the times and grow, Miles' previous musical breakthroughs from Birth of the Cool (Capitol, 1957 rec. 1949/50) Round Midnight (Columbia, 1956) Kind of Blue (Columbia, 1959) Sketches of Spain (Columbia, 1959) Miles Smiles (Columbia, 1966) On the Corner (Columbia, 1972) The Man With the Horn (Columbia, 1981) and Tutu (Warner Bros, 1986) just to name a few, informed EVERYTHING he did; and that's important to realize for newcomers should they wish to make the deep dive to access his entire catalog.  The use of  “Agitation” from E.S.P. (Columbia, 1965) as Frances Davis was discussing the domestic violence she experienced, as well as during the recounting of the brutal beating by a drunk police officer outside Birdland shortly after Kind of Blue was issued made the viewer almost feel those incidents.  A wonderfully smart choice by Nelson to use  selections from Round Midnight, Workin' (Prestige, 1956) Kind of Blue, Sketches of Spain, Bitches Brew and On the Corner at the appropriate moments was masterful and lead a gentleman to remark at the post film Q&A that the film's totality was a composition and the director was on par with a musician.

The reasons for having an actor voice Davis was due to the fact that although Nelson had access to 40 tapes of Davis in conversation with Quincy Troupe for Miles: The Autobiography, the director explained at the post film Q&A that the interviews were recorded on a cheap tape recorder, with quite a lot of background noise, so the tapes were unusable.  It was decided to use portions of the autobiography and later interviews to tell Miles' story.  His actual voice is heard in the documentary via session reels from Freedom Jazz Dance: The Bootleg Series, Vol. 5 (Columbia/Legacy, 2015) the 50th Anniversary edition of Kind of Blue and there is some gold there.  The archival photos and footage are stunning.  Davis' friend Corky McCoy had brought two reels of film, and had a 16mm camera for which he took a class at UCLA and provided a lot of source material.  The scenes of Miles boxing are phenomenal, and one sees that he had as much passion for the sweet science as he did for music, and cooking.  He had a terrific left jab!  There were many previously unseen non performance photos that were obtained through photographer estates, and friends that add another deeply personal dimension to things.  Also essential to the narrative arc is that contrasting views are presented.  Stanley Crouch's frank admission of not getting, liking or understanding the 70's period met by a harsh, but true rebuttal by Carlos Santana is just part and parcel of the documentary's mission to feature everything.

Miles' Humor, Stance as a Civil Rights Activist

Over the course of the film's two hours, there are some hilarious bits of the trumpeter's blunt commentary on life experience, and thoughts on other musicians.  For those with a deep knowledge of him, there are no new revelations, but they are quite funny just the same.  Miles is heard in session reel audio “I can't play that shit, man!” and even more uproarious in a story relayed by Wayne Shorter of a well known episode, the trumpeter's response to black folk playing the blues out of suffering is classic: “you're a GODDAMN liar!!!” Finally, tenor legend Archie Shepp discussed wanting to sit in with Davis to which he was met with a stone cold “fuck you!!” which brought a unison chuckle from the Film Forum audience.

As funny as his remark was regarding his teacher's naive comment, it boldly demonstrated  Miles' commitment to  exercising the civil rights of black people, and the pride of being black.  In 1957 when Miles Ahead was first issued, Columbia chose a white woman sailing on the cover because they felt that it would show that the trumpeter crossed over to a mainstream (read: white) audience.  When Davis saw the cover, he incredulously asked “who is this white bitch on the cover?”  The album was promptly reissued with an image of him instead.  In 1961, he demanded that Frances Davis be photographed on the cover-- the first in a series of covers featuring black women on the trumpeter's records which for the time period, an incredibly progressive move. Cicely Tyson was featured on the cover of Sorcerer in 1967, another emphatic statement on the beauty of black women.  As the film discussed early on, Miles saw his dark complexion symbolic of power, and that is something he exhibited time and time again. Although not covered in the film, the famous February 12, 1964 concert that produced My Funny Valentine and the companion Four and More brought forth a rare passion from the players involved because they had learned Davis had waved the fee for the show as it was an NAACP benefit.  Also he had felt strongly about the apartheid in South Africa during the 80's and refused to play there.  He was committed to the civil rights of African Americans up until the day he died.

Transition to Superstar in the 80's

As Miles started back on the road to health in the early 80's after the 1972 car wreck that caused him considerable physical pain and causing him to  dive back into substance abuse, he emerged a new man in the 80's.  He cut Man With The Horn with a new band, diving into the new decade's vision of funk. Along the way he tapped into Caribbean flavored grooves, synth pop, and hip hop.   He did interviews (most memorable, his appearances with Bill Boggs and on the Arsenio Hall Show) television shows like Miami Vice, and played a leading role in the film Dingo. Nelson's choice of footage and commentary from musicians during this period show him as positively ebullient, Davis was healthier, painting and cooking, his passions with increased zeal.  The footage of the Tutu session, showing the trumpeter's investment in current pop music of the day, and with Prince is quite jubilant.  

Touching Moments

There are several touching moments scattered throughout the film that Nelson uses to truly allow the audience to identify with Davis and those who loved and cared about him.  Three particularly stood out. The star of the film was without a doubt Frances Davis who had detailed a few stories previously unbeknownst to me.  When Miles fell in love with her after seeing her in a production, she was heavily courted by top Hollywood and Broadway actors of the day, with unshakable confidence,  and wry humor she professed in the film that as a dancer, her legs were her best asset and that  was like with everyone else, won Miles over.  Though he had many romantic partners, he and Frances clearly had something that was beyond special.  He admitted due to his drug use that he was a bit jealous of the attention she received after being cast in West Side Story and made her quit the show.  The emotion she felt when retelling the regret she had when leaving the show, and  her career behind was palpable and heartbreaking.  She would frequently disappear upstairs in their apartment and gaze longingly at her ballet slippers between bouts of cooking.  Lumbly, as Miles intones in his signature rasp how he wished he knew years later that Frances was the best thing to ever happen to him-- a fact he was unaware of when they were together.

The second really touching moment of the film occurs towards the end of Miles' career during the famous 1991 Montreux concert conducted by Quincy Jones where he revisited classic Gil Evans arrangements. There was no musician closer to Davis from 1983-1991 than Wallace Roney.  In the film, Roney explains his feelings at Miles indicating he wanted to get the quintet with Wayne Shorter, Herbie Hancock, Ron Carter and Tony Williams back together but also revisit the Gil Evans material, he had the sudden realization Miles had little time left. The rehearsals for the July, 1991 Montreux concert were vigorous, and Davis showed up for only a few.  One of the most challenging pieces was “Pan Piper”.  Roney, sensing what his mentor and dear friend was feeling physically jumped in to assist.  The piece was not rehearsed but called at the concert, and Davis, summoning the strength of his youth plays a remarkable solo, sharing phrases with Roney.  At one particularly difficult passage, Roney jumps in, but Miles is also playing the same phrase.  Like Muhammad Ali winning the title a third time in the 1978 rematch with Leon Spinks, Davis managed to reach back and heroically play through the tune, as he did the rest of the concert, providing a memorable late career moment.

The third deeply emotional moment is shared by Miles' last partner, friend Jo Gelbard.  As the trumpeter was rushed to the hospital, she detailed some of their last moments as Miles was in his bed prior to having a stroke.  The moment has a gut wrenching, aching beauty similar to a great solo like on “Blue in Green” or “Time After Time”.  She tells of a conversation that she and Miles had where he said “God doesn't punish you, you get everything you want.  You just have limited time.”  Indeed, a provocative thought on mortality.

Closing Thoughts

Attending the Birth of the Cool New York City premiere weekend was a marvelous experience.  While fans can quibble about what was not included, what albums were glossed over, the lack of bands represented, etc the documentary set out what it was supposed to do; present a balanced, comprehensive portrait of Miles Davis the musician, and human being.  While it would have been nice to hear from band mates like George Coleman, Keith Jarrett, Airto, Kenny Garrett, Foley, Marilyn Mazur, Benny Rietveld, Jack DeJohnette, Chick Corea or Dave Holland, many of them are featured in the Miles Davis Story (2001) and those interviews can be used as a supplement to this new film.  Stanley Nelson treats Davis with respect, and veneration detailing the human experience at each point. The wealth of unseen photos and film footage are a nice bonus for diehard fans, and the well known stories that they all know, will be enlightening to casual and new fans of Davis. The Q&A on the Sunday, August 25th matinee was incredibly insightful, with probing detailed audience questions, with an added treat:  The ageless 95 year old drumming pioneer Roy Haynes in the audience!  One of the few surviving titans to have played with Charlie Parker.  The documentary is on a par with Jaco, Chasing Trane and Bill Frisell: A Portrait.

Rating: 8.5/10

(c)2019 CJ Shearn

The Stupid Little Things - Part 22/? - Carl Gallagher x Reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / The rest of the parts

@tmrhollandkay - Thank you so so much for your kind words! They inspired me to get my shit together and finished this chapter. I hope you like it!

Y/N’s P.O.V

Living with the Gallaghers was natural to me, I’d spent every waking moment of my childhood in that house so I used to being surrounded with the craziness that came with the family. I slotted perfectly into the order of things, or as perfectly as I could in a house that had no order, and nobody talked about my parents and what had happened so I was happy enough.

 Carl, as I expected, wanted to put them six feet under but I eventually convinced him to let go of the bitterness and the anger and cuddle with me instead. It was easy with Carl, we knew each other inside out, so we only needed to look at each other to know what the other was thinking. That’s why it was almost impossible to hide the fact that I wanted to go back to my own house and knock them out myself. But I didn’t, I was the good girl. The good girl who loved the Gallaghers.

 But there were changes, atmospheres that simply hadn’t existed when we were little and it freaked me out a little at first. The romantic change between me and Carl was obvious enough but some would argue it had always been there. Yet there was a noticeable difference between Lip and Carl. And it fucking scared me a little. They would hardly look at each other and even though I knew they would defend each other to the ends of the earth, the whole house became hostile. I could only take so much before I exploded.

 “Hey, Lip?” I called as he walked through the front door on evening, his hair soaking wet from the downpour outside. I’d been seeing him less and less lately and when I moved in he almost seemed to move out.

As soon as he saw me and Carl sat on the sofa, his arm draped around mine, he turned back around charging back outside again.

“What the fuck Lip?” Carl said jumping up, me seconds behind him, chasing after the older Gallagher who seemed to have started to despise us.

“Lip? You okay?” I said, running ahead of Carl and catching Lip outside of a car, struggling with the keys and trying to jump inside. I threw myself in front of the car door before he could.

“Move out of the way Y/N,” he said flatly, unable to look me in the eyes.

“Philip Gallagher, when have I ever listened to a word you’ve said in the entire time I’ve moved here. Exactly, none”

I was trying to keep my tone casual and playful but Lip’s jaw only locked further.

“Out of the way Y/N,” he said his voice distracted almost, like he was trying to hide his emotions from me.

I was starting to feel pissed.

“I don’t understand. I don’t understand what I’ve done for you to hate me this much.”

He took a deep breath, shaking his head and meeting my gaze for a split second before looking away.

“You haven’t done anything!” he shouted, making me flinch “You haven’t done a fucking thing! You never have!”

He was running his hands through his hair and it was impossible to disguise the alcohol in his breath. It reeked of regret.

“LIP DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH HER!”

He shot around to face Carl who was suddenly going into protective mode, charging towards us, eyes alight with anger.

“As if I’d lay a fucking finger on her. Really Carl, you really want to fucking go there,”

Carl pushed his shoulder but Lip didn’t even flinch, pushing him back harder, making Carl stumble backwards. Carl was strong but Lip was stronger, of course he was, he was double his weight.

“Carl he wasn’t gonna hurt me” I said “He’s being an asshole and he’s drunk off of his ass, yes, but he wasn’t going to hurt me”

The two brothers just stood staring at each other, forehead to forehead, Lip towering over my boyfriend. You could’ve smelt the testosterone a mile away.

“Okay guys, enough is fucking enough, its pissing itself down out here. Can we go inside now?”

Neither of them was listening to me.

“What’s you fucking problem man? All the passive aggressiveness, the fucking dirty looks, all the fucking time you spend away from the house,” Carl said and Lip shook his head, laughing coldly.

Carl lunged for him but Lip didn’t move a muscle. Didn’t move a muscle.

“Oh my god! Can you guys give it a fucking rest,”

Lip shot me a pained look before continuing his rant to Carl.

“Hate your brother and hide your gold huh?”

“What the fuck does that mean. Don’t get fucking philosophical on me Lip,”

“I gave up half of my childhood fucking raising you and you’re just going to stand there and talk to me like shit. Show me some fucking respect. Everything I do, I do for you Carl and the rest of our fucked up family”

And of course, none of us could argue with that, we all just stood awkwardly in the rain.

 “You know I think I’m done living at home. I’m going back to college,” Lip said eventually, turning back to the car door.

“Lip your completely hammered you are not getting in that car,” I said, resting my hand on his arm. He shrugged me off.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Lip,” said Carl.

“You wanna know what this is really about do you?”

“I already fucking know what this is about. Who this is about.”

Carl took a step towards me, creating a barrier between me and Lip and looked at him pointedly.

“Hide your fucking gold,” Lip repeated looking at me and then back at Carl, nodding his head as he bowed it “I get it little bro, I get it”

Then he looked at Carl with menace.

He gave a military salute and Carl sunk in on himself, his eyes opening with alarm as if Lip had just revealed his darkest secret. I was more than confused to say the least

“She’s a keeper soldier,” Lip said, stumbling towards Carl and tapping him on the cheek before storming into the house, slamming the door behind him.

Me and Carl stood in the rain silent with shock.

 “He’s drinking too much” I said as Carl looked at the ground

“I know”

“I know? What kind of a fucking answers that, you’re losing your brother Carl,”

“I know,” he said again and I gave him a pained expression “Look, if I could send him to fucking rehab myself, I would”

“He’s an adult,” I said, watching his shadow against the front window as he walked up the stairs “You can’t just ship him off to rehab. He needs help, he needs us”

“Yeah well, he doesn’t fucking like us at the moment. He needs to be away from here. He’s fucking dangerous when he’s this bad,” Carl said, grabbing my hand. ‘It’s like he’s turning into Frank.”

I gulped, swallowing hard, before reaching over and kissing Carl on the cheek. I walked inside while he stayed out, trying to shake an uncomfortable feeling.

I want him to be okay Carl, I really fucking do.

 ////

 I forced myself to walk myself up the stairs alone, to stand outside his bedroom. Lip needed somebody to talk to, and at the moment he had nobody. He was too proud to get help.

I was about to knock, pausing outside of his door when I heard him talk. At first, I thought he was talking to himself and it took me a split second to realise he was on the phone. I paused, to listen in and what I heard shattered my heart.

“Hi, yeah it’s Phillip Gallagher. I’ve been trying to book an appointment and um- yeah yeah I know, yeah I know but I was wondering whether um I could pay part of my college bills off tomor-“

He paused, as if cut off, and sighed sounding completely and utterly defeated, his speech slurred a little.

“I’m behind yeah…No. No, it won’t be the full amount”

There was a longer silence.

“I know and I’ll keep making the payments,”

Lip was becoming frustrated I could tell and I could feel her slump against the other side of the door. Silently, I crouched down too, pushing my ear against the wood of the door.

“Yeah. No. And I know it’s unusual paying cash but…Yeah, I really appreciate your patience with me,”

I could vaguely make out the mumbling of the person on the line and readjusted myself so I could hear them more clearly.

“It’s uh Lip, I figure I’m going to talk to you a lot there’s no point you calling me by my full name,”

The other voice sounded older, crackly through the mobile phone but I guessed it was a college professor, a receptionist, councillor? Somebody to do with college.

 “Well, Lip, have you considered taking a semester off, working and saving your money. You could come back next semester with your financial paperwork in order and maybe have a little extra spending money in your pocket”

 Lip inhaled sharply and sniffed a little.

 “I-I won’t make it back. I..uh…” He was struggling I could tell, and I was sure he was on the verge of breaking.

He continued.

“My little brother Ian was diagnosed with bipolar…Uh…every day I’m not there I jus- I..uh feel so fucking guilty that I’m not here. Helping.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. He was spilling everything, Philip Gallagher, the most guarded private person I knew, spilling his life story to his college professor.

He was desperate.

Desperate and drunk.

“The reason I stay is…. I uh…I can’t help…No… ‘Cause, I spent my whole life trying to help my mom… um she, uh had the same disease… and there’s no help for it.”

 I swear to god I could feel him crumpling on the other side of that door and it took everything I had not to tear up myself.

 “Except for the little ones.” He said sharply, after clearing his throat.” Debbie and Carl and Liam, although they um, they’re not so little anymore. And then my sister Fiona… I could be there for them but I’m not.”

He words became more cutting, more accusing, self-deprecating.

“My brother, Carl, he’s just got out of juvenile prison… and… and there was nothing I could do to help him either. He, he doesn’t look at me the same anymore”

I felt a weird sinking feeling inside because I knew, I just knew.

Lip Gallagher was crying.

“You know, ‘cause I’m away, I’m away so much. ‘Cause I’m told that … that staying at school is something I could do for those kids. In-in in a big way, in a real way uh… Someday.”

He sniffed loudly and I heard him stand up, starting to pace back and forth around the room.

“So, I’m staying at college.”

It was definite, his voice was strong. But I heard him gulp, I heard him choke back tears.

 “But if I go back to the house, you uh… You know like I am now. Well then I’m in it. You know an-an-an-and I can’t get back out of it.”

 I jumped up myself, placing my palm flat against the door and cursing myself for being too much of a fucking coward to walk in there and hug him like he deserved to be hugged.

No wonder he fucking drunk with so much fucking pressure on his shoulders

 “I mean… I-uh I… and I mean the only reason why I’m home right now is because there’s this girl who means the world to um to uh-um me and the rest of us I mean she’s practically family and we love her, I love her. We all love her”

 I froze. He meant me, he fucking meant me.

 “And her parents are really shitty and they beat her… because she’s stuck in this shitty neighbourhood and um...  it wasn’t safe so, I-I-I need, I n-need to keep her safe.”

 He was missing college, his education ,his shot at life because he was back here. Because of me. I couldn’t stop tears from starting to form, letting them silently drip down my face.

 “But you know she’s with my brother,” His jaw locked and he swallowed loudly “…and I think she’s happy now I hope she’s happy so my job is um... kinda done… so um… “

 I was becoming more and more undone, a bigger and bigger blubbering mess but Lip snapped. In a split second I heard him pull himself together, building his mature and impenetrable persona back up, building up his wall, as if pretending he hadn’t just confessed his life story to a total stranger.

 “Yeah so I’m keep going to your headquarters and I’m going keep making these payments.”

He said and sniffed loudly

“…and I’m going to show up and count it out, note by fucking bank note… and you know then that’ll be my part and your part, I hope is um… patience.”

His voice cracked.

“Please!”

This was it for Lip, he was at his rawest. He was vulnerable, the person on the other side of the line was responsible for everything that was important to him and for once in his life Lip couldn’t be in control.

“Yeah, I just need um… fuck, I just need a little more time,”

 I guessed that the conversation pretty much ended there because Lip became silent, huffing loudly and I ran away to the bathroom before he could hear me sniffle guiltily.

 Lip’s P.O.V

There was a knock at my door, giving me a slight warning before it creaked open.

Carl was stood there, eyes sunken, tired, probably sick to fucking death of being surrounded by drunks.

That was why I was doing it.

College.

For him. For the rest of them.

He ran at me and I wrapped him in a hug.

Neither of us said anything, until I had to.

Until I could stay quiet anymore.

“Tell her.” I said “Tomorrow”

Carl nodded. “I will,” he said.

“I fucking mean it. I know why you need to do it, but she doesn’t.”

Carl nodded.

“Couldn’t have picked worse fucking timing Carl,” I said.

Carl nodded.

He walked back out of the room, about to shut the door on me when he stopped.

Hesitated.

“Y/N’s going to hate me forever isn’t she. For leaving.” He stopped as if he was admitting something to himself for the first time “I’m leaving her here for military school,”

the gang makes new friends

ok ive been thinkin abt this for Ever so tbh i might jus write a fic of it at this point but heres the entirely unwanted thought spillin for an episode plot i want 2 happen So Bad

ok so basically, th gang are jus Doin Their Thing when smthn pushes dennis to ask why none of them hav friends outside of the five of them (hes insistent that he does, ofc) n the gang r like Bc We're Great?? but dennis wont shut up abt it so theyre like idk guess we'll find friends? title card

so they all go their separate ways to try n find New Friends and to begin w dee recruits th waitress, charlie n mac go after cricket n frank gets bill ponderosa/guys from the bridge/they all jus kinda pick up acquaintances u kno? (ie rex, ben, etc) n when they all return w their "new" friends dennis insists that these losers dont count and he meant Actual New Friends, which he has found in abundance, naturally, theyre just not here bc Fuck U, and they all go off again to try and find actual friends

anyway so they all end up dragging people along somehow, possibly by bribin them, but tbh along the way they get rejected by a ton of people an they just Dont Know Why?? they're Great People, ofc, why wont anyone b their friend?

after some form of disastrous congregation as is inevitable theyre all left alone in the bar n theyre like "fuck em anyway who needs em" but theyre all a lil hurt u kno

until one of em is like "eh, who cares. we got each other right? we dont need anyone else."

"cheers ill drink to that bro"

anyway they probly dnt say it but the vibe is very much "we realise we're dicks but we lov each other n fuck evryone else" n im soft i jus want back the gang who actually like bein around each other ok

anyway this was a garbled mess but im sure u get my point this episode would b Soft @ rcg hire me

“Let’s not blow it right now / Let’s not do something we’d both regret”

In March of 2001, I went to see Reel Big Fish (and to a lesser extent, Sum 41) at the Roseland Theatre in Portland, OR. I was a sophomore in high school and throughly intrenched in the ska and pop punk revolution; this was to be a show for the ages. But while I remember little of the nerd-bro antics of RBF, the heavy metal and/or hip-hop breakdowns of soon-to-be-famous Sum 41, and literally nothing of the first band, Double O Seven, I have vivid memories of the short lived, alt-rock act, Benjamins.

Playing second on the bill, Benjamins were comprised of three pudgy dudes and a lanky bassist with an impressive Jew-fro. From the jump, they felt vastly out of place in the spiky hair, slightly emaciated, “pretty-boy” world of early 2000s pop-punk. Musically they didn’t quite fit either, pulling more from Superdrag and Weezer than New Found Glory and Blink-182. But despite all of this, they donned unwavering smiles and played furiously catchy power-pop with a joyous energy. The entire performance could be summed up with the phrase, “we’re just happy to be here.”

The next week, I went to my local record store and bought the album. That same joy flowed through every single track and I instantly fell in love. Songs like “Wonderful” and “Dr. Frank Was Right,” made it on to nearly every single one of my mix cds (partially due to merit, partially due to the fact that I was pretty sure none of my friends had ever heard of this band). I strummed my way through “Weather’s Here, Wish You Were Beautiful,” while straining my vocal chords, attempting to sing along. I turned to it when I was crushing (“You’re so great, you know / A total shooting star”) and when I was crushed (“I just want someone to be there on my birthday”). I distictly remember at least one bout of unrequited love being exercised by shouting along to “Gave it Away” (”I don’t give a FUCK who you FUCK!”). “The Art of Disappointment,” was my pearled oyster, my grand discovery, my bedrock.

Unfortunately, whatever possessed them that fateful evening at the Roseland was short lived because, by the end of the year, they had disbanded, due to in-fighting. This was to be their one and only full length album. There was no way in hell it wasn’t making my Top 100 list.

This past week, I tried desperately to listen detached from my personal history in order to provide a more objective view of what I like about the album now. And in doing so, I ran into major obstacles. “The Art of Disappointment,” possesses both the brilliance and buffoonery of a relatively unheard-of band with nothing to lose. I admired the youthful inhibition that led to its tug-at-your-heart-strings vulnerability, the unnecessary (but somehow great?) modulation of the final chorus in “Shine,” and the past-it’s-prime inclusion of the secret track busting in after about a minute of silence (the song also happens to be as good as any other track on the whole damn thing). But at the same time, that inhibition led to sloppy lyrics (“Why’re you still breathing my air?/You’re like gum in my hair,”), self-aggrandizing whose irony, or lack of, isn’t clearly defined, and the use of a bong-rip sound effect, underscoring, or more aptly, telegraphing the lyric “All those nights we spent hiding from the world.”

And it gave me pause. What other albums am I denying in order to look the other way at every misstep? Do the moments of greatness outweigh the cringe-worthy ones? Can I honestly separate my memory of this band from the way in which I approach the album now?

I ended up listening to the full thing four times to try and grapple with this decision and I came to the following conclusion: we’re only two weeks into this thing. There’s no necessity for this album to leave the contender list just yet. But, if the time comes, I’ll be ready to wish it a fond farewell. And I have a feeling Benjamins will understand. After all, they’re probably just happy to be here.

Side-note: It is purely coincidental that the first two albums in the list are from bands I discovered at concerts. And, if my memory serves me correctly, these may be the only two albums on the list from bands I discovered at concerts. Go figure.

Another side-note: I couldn’t figure out how to put this analogy into the blog so I’ll share it here: Benjamins are to Music what Freaks and Geeks is to Television. I so desperately wanted to hear/see what they would do next but never got the chance. Plus, I bet the dudes in Benjamins played D&D.

What I listened to last week (in addition to the Top 100 Contender):

Top 100 contenders in bold.

Coheed and Cambria — The Afterman: Descension

American Football — American Football (2019): This is their most consistent and engaging effort yet. Easily one of my favorites of the year so far.

Khalid — American Teen

Asamov — And Now…

Albums listened to in total: 2,261

Top 100 Contenders: 119

This week’s album: Local H — As Good As Dead

Think I missed an album? Challenge me! The list is alphabetical by letter.