#for me its the random ice cream runs and afternoons at the beach on the weekends
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where feelings bloom | kth
kim taehyung x reader (f)
genre: fluff | smut | bffs to lovers
rating: mature audiences only (strictly 18+)
summary: vacations are the time of self reflections and revelations. so, what happens when your last day in paradise involves you trying to decipher the feelings that you’ve had blooming for your best friend kim taehyung.
warnings: where do i begin lol; post college universe; suppressed feelings; overthinking; crush culture; foul language; vag fingering; overstimulation; clitoral stimulation; pentrative sex; protected sex (wrap it up friends); non-idol au; praise; dirty talk; tae is focused on oc’s pleasure only; unlabeled relationships; no plans for a part two; out of season au (happy beginning of fall) ; not edited
word count: ~ 5.6 thousand words
posted: tuesday october 4, 2023
notable songs: ivy - frank ocean | are we still friends - tyler, the creator | todo cambio - camila | a drop in the ocean - ron pope
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Mornings were your favorite part of the day. Although, not many people agree with that ideology you couldn’t help but be enamored by the way day the birds chirped their peaceful melody awakening you right up from your slumber, the glare of the beaming sun highlighting its waves of heat right into your face, the song of the crashing of waves against the shore. . but most of all you loved that for the last eight nights you have been waking up in an island paradise and you got to share it with your absolute favorite person in the entire world. Your best friend, Taehyung.
Your soulmate, well platonic soulmate; your other half; your light in the darkest of tunnels. That’s who he was and honestly you couldn’t even recall a minute or even a second in the course of your life when Taehyung hadn’t been there with you.
You met Taehyung long ago. Twenty-one years ago to be precise—marking the very moment you came out of your mother’s womb. Your mother’s had been best friends for years (still are), so your birth marked the day when you would meet your mother and father; but it also marked the day when you met Taehyung. He was already a couple of weeks older than you but your mother’s paired you up and built a friendship among the two of you long before you ran around in diapers together, bathed in kiddie pools with your favorite toys, before you took your first steps or even uttered your very first words.
By definition, you were meant to be in Taehyung’s life and Taehyung was meant to be in yours. There was no re-writing that bit of history and besides you’d never do it even if you could. The constellations of your stars align and are guided right into each other’s path.
Truly. He is going to be your person today, tomorrow and hopefully an eternity after that. You’ll always be there for him even after the sun dims and the oceans dry. There is no one you’d rather call your best friend and no one else who you would rather have invading every inch of your life.
The door to the connecting room swung open and surely enough there he was leaning against the door frame. The blonde streaks of his wet hair fell past his dark brown eyes and thick eyebrows covering their entirety. On the same note you finally registered that he only wore a pair of gray sweat shorts that hung low on his hips; all while he remained bare on the top half of his body showing off his lean physique and although Taehyung didn’t have abs he was still fit—very awe striking.
“Whatever happened to ceasing the day?” he exclaimed, his eyes turned to fiery pits as he likely replayed whatever crazy scenario he had planned for the day back in his head, “it’s nine in the morning. What are you still doing in bed. . Why are you still in your pajamas?”
“I was too lazy to get up,” you looked at the digital clock on the night stand beside you blinking its bright red numbers back at your sleep-riddled eyes.
“Tonight is our last night on this slice of paradise heaven so get your ass up and let’s go let’s go let’s go,” he snapped his fingers before ripping the covers off of your body.
“We have over twenty-four hours before we gotta head back home,” you patted the empty spot on the bed next to you and he jumped right in, cozying up under the covers, “just let me lay here for like ten more more. Is that okay with you, mom?”
He groaned, “Fine but we better be up in ten minutes or I plan to carry you right down to the beach, pajamas and all.”
“Yeah, sure,” you pulled the white duvet over your head signaling you were ready to drift back into the remnant of tiredness that lingered behind from all the activities you had partook in for the past week, “just ten more minutes. Just ten,” you mumbled, your eyes felt heavy as you drifted back into a deep slumber.
“Just ten,” you heard his voice from a distance, so far away. Yet his body heat lingered close by and the apricity was easily welcomed against the skin of your back.
Ten minutes turned into four hours and by the time your eyes fluttered open it was just after four in the afternoon. The sun still beamed bright through the drawn blinds heating up your body as the rays met your skin. You stretched carefully and rubbed sleep off your eyes before turning around to face Taehyung. He remained sound asleep—eyes shut tightly, mouth slightly ajar, and soft snores sounding like the steady, peaceful melody of lullabies.
Taehyung is truly beautiful. So beautiful, in-fact that it kind of made you stop in your tracks every so often and you couldn’t help but just look at him. Drinking in his striking features; his big brown eyes, his hair soft like silk, and his raucous voice so deep and soothing.
Taehyung is truly a work of art. So much so that every candid moment captured behind the pixels of his pictures belonged in art galleries around the world.
You noticed you were attracted to your best friend the summer after your sophomore year of high school. The two of you had spent the entire summer together—inseparable as usual. But towards the end of the summer as the first day of school approached, you and Taehyung engaged in a short adventure to the lake on the outskirts of town. You’d had truly an amazing time and you ended up inside a small diner having greasy food and chocolate shakes. You hadn’t processed it back then but looking back now you remember the way your heart was pounding, the way your palms were sweaty and the way all of your butterflies flapped their wings against the pit of your stomach.
It’s so obvious looking back now—how much you truly liked him while you sat in that booth in the back of that diner. There, it felt like no one else inhabited the establishment. Just the two of you and the secret that took root in your heart.
A secret so taboo you buried it somewhere deep in the back of your mind, but every time your eyes caught a glimpse of him there it all was. Everything, all over again, causing a daze in your mind and making your chest ache.
“Wake up, Tae Tae,” you shook him slightly, pushing all of those thoughts aside.
“Huh?” he groaned, twisting and turning mindlessly in the ocean of sheets.
“We have gone against your beloved schedule for the day and I’m afraid I was the culprit,” you sat up against the headboard and he followed along laying his head on your shoulder.
“We didn’t just sleep for ten minutes did we?”
You shook my head, “it’s around four o’clock right now.”
“That chopped off half of my itinerary,” his voice was soothing—gruff with hints of exhaustion lingering behind.
“Oh, come one,” you cooed, “what’s left?”
“The beach is just across the street, the pool’s downstairs or we can go out to get something to eat.”
“What do you really wanna do?” you asked.
He yawned widely mimicking a cub; so cute.
“Maybe we can lounge around by the pool for a bit and come back up here to order food,” he suggests, “I know I had hours planned of things to do for the day but I’m kind of exhausted.”
“It’s not like you to skip out on the beach. . are you sure you wanna just go to the pool?”
“Actually. .” he continued in his smooth voice, “I don’t even think I have the energy for that.”
“Impossible!” you exclaimed, “you don’t get to be lazy, that’s my thing.”
“It’s contagious,” Taehyung whined, snuggling closer to your side. His cheeks felt like fire on your shoulder and you swore having him that close caused your breath to hitch at your throat.
“So what—what, uh,” you cleared your throat, “what do you wanna do instead? Do we stay in for our last day here?”
He nodded, “I think so. I mean, we’ve done a lot of things for the past few days.”
“Do you wanna pick the movie or the food for us tonight?”
“I refuse to watch a horror movie tonight so I’m in charge of picking the movie,” he reached for the remote control on the table next to his side of the bed.
You rolled your eyes, picking up the phone and looking through the booklet the hotel provided with a number of different restaurant chains and their menus. After a bit of back and forth between you and Tae as you tried to settle on things, you decided on pizza and a random rom-com on one of the dozen streaming apps provided on the television.
Fifteen minutes later, the food had arrived and Taehyung sat beside you once again, your elbows dangerously close. Your mind, barely on the movie that’s been playing for approximately thirty minutes now, your pizza sat cold on your plastic plate and your thoughts assimilate a busy intersection.
There are so many things you could do but every single one also sat dangerously close to being the end of your friendship with Kim Taehyung.
“Are you okay?” Taehyung closed the pizza box sitting in front of his crossed legs.
You reeled yourself back from your thoughts, “yeah, I’m okay.”
“You’ve been mindlessly staring at your slice of pizza for the past thirty minutes,” he added, placing his hand on your shoulder, “are you sure you’re okay?”
This is how it’s been for some time now. Taehyung remained as soon as ever engaging in the sweetest gestures of comfort a best friend could engage in while your stupid, stupid mind developed its own reality of translating his platonic touches into something more—something it’ll never be.
“I’m okay really. I guess I’m just uh, not that hungry,” you forced a smile on your lips, it actually hurt, “I’m gonna get some fresh air.”
You opened the glass sliding door and walked out onto the balcony, the briny aroma from cerulean waves just ahead became your aromatherapy—easing your nerves. Allowing you to bury every insipid thought you’d birthed as a cause of your delusions.
Your stupid mind and its delusions.
Your hands landed on the black metal railing, closing your eyes and you began softly inhaling through your nose and then out your mouth. You did that over and over until you imagined yourself alone, somewhere peaceful where Taehyung was a long way from invading your thoughts in the best and worst way possible.
“I know being here for so long has made us both homesick but I didn’t think you’d be the one most affected by all of this,” his voice sounded dangerously close. God, all you wanted was a moment alone—a moment to yourself. . To halt all your thoughts. All of them.
“Yeah, I guess I’ve been pretty homesick,” but you weren’t homesick at all.
“Don’t worry, tomorrow we’ll set foot back home and you’ll be back on your bed relaxing,” you hadn’t looked at him just yet but you could tell he was smiling.
“Yeah, I suppose that’s all I’ve wanted.”
“I knew it,” his hand landed on yours on top of the railing, his thumb rubbed circles on your wrist, “I know you, you know. You’re like the only person on earth who can’t seem to enjoy a vacation.”
He was wrong—you have enjoyed this vacation; his company. It’s only solidified everything you’ve ever felt for him and that was the problem. But how could you say that without actually saying that?
You chuckled, “I have enjoyed this vacation. It’s been quite reflective. . Eye opening.”
“Hopefully, the fun kind of eye opening,” he began, “you need to learn to have fun. Let loose.”
“Your party ways have definitely been contagious,” you looked into his eyes, the way you never have before and for a minute you became lost in their darkness—but surprisingly, you were at ease, “I’ve definitely learned all the ropes to having fun.”
“After years of trying I’m glad you’ve finally learned something from your best friend. I’m proud,” Taehyung walked towards one of the lounge chairs and sat.
“Yeah, I guess I’ve learned everything from you these past couple days,” you mumbled.
“See? You could’ve just skipped college just as I did.”
“That,” you sat on the chair beside his, “my parents would’ve killed me for.”
He scoffed, “that’s another thing I gotta teach you now that we’re twenty-one. Bravery is crucial. Learn to speak your mind unapologetically.”
Easier said than fucking done when your mind, heart and body scream out for him. His attention, his touch and his love.
“Bravery.”
“Exactly,” he encouraged, “bravery is a passage so securing everything you want in life. Hold on to that; embrace it. Thread towards everything head on.”
“Well, in that case I hated college. I really really did. And I don’t even fucking like science I don’t know why I majored in Biology. I miss high school and the days we used to chill on the rooftop of the abandoned bowling alley after school when we had nothing better to do.”
He laughed, likely reminiscing on the good time, “I miss that too and nobody said we had to stop. We’re adults but our customs shouldn’t have to die, right?”
“Right.”
“So, we have a date on top of the abandoned bowling alley as soon as we get back.”
“A date,” you mumbled, the word causing your skin to prickle up with goosebumps.
“A date. That’s right.”
Surely, Taehyung didn’t know the effect. . The implication that the word had on you and your emotions. He couldn’t know about the way your hands began to sweat and the way your heart beat erratically as he kept referring to your late afternoon escapes in that exact way. A date.
“A date with you,” you began, your tongue did all the work while your mind ceased all control, “you don’t even know what those words do to me.”
His voice was low, “what does it do to you?”
Your eyes steered in his direction and Taehyung was still sitting right beside you, but closer. His eyebrows were furrowed together inquisitively, his intent gaze was set on your figure disregarding all of his surroundings entirely—as if he didn’t want to overlook a single detail about you ever again.
You shook your head feeling like maybe you’d said a little too much already, “just. . Forget it.”
“Impossible,” he said, “bravery, remember? Penny for your thoughts.”
“Trust me, Tae. You don’t wanna know.”
“I do.”
You exhaled softly, “please don’t make me say it.”
“Say it,” his voice grew deeper and still it felt as softest as velvet would against your skin.
You closed your eyes trying to unscramble the words in your mind, to unravel your mangled feelings and decipher exactly how much of yourself you wanted to strip bare in front of him.
“I—“ it was so hard to let it out. To just say it.
“You?”
“Taehyung,” you breathed, “I just have these feelings I just can’t seem to ever shake off.”
“Are they good feelings or bad feelings?” he asked.
“I’m not too sure,” you shrugged looking off into the clear sky dusted off in orange tones as the sun began migrating down towards the horizon, “—but they’re definitely confusing feelings if I had to say for sure.”
“Confusing?”
“Confusing,” well not so much confusing but rather—hard to decipher, impossible to act on, forbidden, off limits, what else?
It’s you.
“Come on,” he scoffed, “I’m your best friend. Surely, you can tell me what’s gotten into your head.”
But that’s the problem. . You’re my best friend and you’ll only ever be my best friend. It’s both the twist between a blessing and a curse.
It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.
You’ve gotten into my head.
It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.
It’s you. It’s you. It’s you.
The voice kept on and on no matter how hard you worked to block it out. It was a reminder that he navigated your thoughts and made you giddy in love, one you didn’t need or want. It’s you. It’s you. It’s you, “it’s you.”
“What?” He asked. Did you say something? You hadn’t said anything. You hadn’t.
“What?” you repeated.
“You said it’s me. .” His stare was blank; hard to read but his eyes were golden under the rays of the departing sun.
You stared back at him without saying a single word.
“You said it was me,” he stuttered, “You you said. . What do you mean, it’s me?”
In that moment you stood before a crossroad unbeknownst to the righteous path to take. Jungling the implications of your two options and how they would affect your relationship with Taehyung from that day. Of course, on one side you had the lie, your very own cloak of invisibility. The same one you’d been hiding behind for years and the same one you’d continue to hide behind—down that road your feelings would be stomped on and you’d watch Taehyung behind a soundproof glass always dwelling on what ifs and what could’ve beens.
On the other side, there was the truth, the road where you would be stripping yourself bare with every step forward you took. Taehyung would finally be aware of your deepest secret—the one where he occupied your thoughts from the earliest hours of the morning to the latest hours of the night. He would know that your mind often lingered off into vivid daydreams where your imagination ran wild creating scenarios where he was finally yours; he would know the way your balms grew balmy and your heartbeat every time he came near. There would be no more hiding, but here you ran the risk of rejection and the destruction of your friendship.
So you stood in front of the two avenues unsure of which direction to head towards in order to begin your journey. But Taehyung waited for an answer while you made a safe haven at your pit stop cocooned by fear and indecisiveness.
The late afternoon breeze rustled the palm tree fronds, swaying them back and forth lightly. You and Taehyung were twenty stories up so that swishing sound was the only thing filling the silence between the two of you. Still, you swallowed your words hoping that he would somehow forget that you said anything.
“Hey!” he rested his warm hand on your thigh calling out for your attention and finally you looked at him. There was no longer a blank gaze lingering in his eyes, now, he seemed worried, “did I do something?”
Oh, this is spiraling out of control so fast. All because you couldn’t keep your fucking mouth shut.
Say something. . ANYTHING!
“No—“ you cleared your throat, “no it’s not that at all, trust me.”
“Then, what is it?”
“It’s not important.”
He shook his head, “whatever it is, it seems to be bothering you a lot so it is important.”
There was no getting out of this. Not anymore.
“I guess I just don’t know how to say it,” you jumped over a million hurdles in your mind trying to decipher the best way to just say it. Finally, you took a deep breath allowing your lips to move at their own leisure, “I like you.”
You were so dizzy and enveloped within your own scrambled thoughts. Even though you tried to keep your eyes off of him you couldn’t help but glance at him from the corner of your eyes. And Taehyung just sat there with wide eyes and his mouth slightly parted.
“You like me?” he asked, pausing in-between each word, “like you like me or you like like me?”
You closed your eyes, “I like like you.”
“Like more than just best friends?”
Did you really have to spell it out? Admitting your feelings out loud had you in a state of intense bashfulness, “yes, Taehyung. I like you as more than just a best friend. I have for some time now but it’s okay if you don’t think of me that way. I didn’t even really want to tell you because I was always too scared to ruin our friendship.”
“Come over here,” Taehyung patted the spot right beside him and you moved to sit next to him. He stared deep into your eyes before continuing, “nothing can ever come in between us or our friendship, okay?”
“Okay. .” You felt like a massive weight had been lifted off your chest allowing you to inhale and exhale once again.
“Beside,” Taehyung caressed your cheek softly using the pads of his tender fingers. Quickly, you began feeling at ease as a result of his touch. Then, his fingers migrated lower tracing the outline of your round cheeks until they reached your chin and slowly he began guiding your face towards his so much so that his lips sat just inches away from yours, “I never said I didn’t feel the same way.”
“You can’t just say things like that,” you placed your hands over his as they still held you close.
“I’m not just saying it,” he argued.
“You are,” you shook your head, “you’re just saying it to spare my feelings but I’ll be okay, Tarhyung. I’m a big girl. I can take a little rejection.”
“We’ve been friends long enough for you to know that I wouldn’t just say something like that.”
That was true, “but why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Same as you, I suppose,” he shrugged as his eyes remained intently on yours, “I feared that you wouldn’t feel the same and I didn’t want that to drive you away.”
It’s astonishing how the only thing standing between the two of you and your happiness—and love was yourselves. Doubt and the fear of rejection steered your lives in opposite directions although the gravitational forces stringing your hearts together worked diligently to drive the two of you towards each other despite your cowardice.
“I wouldn’t leave you.”
Taehyung flashed his signature boxy smile, so warm and comforting you felt like he wrapped around you in a warm hug.
“I wouldn’t leave you either,” his eyes focused on your mouth tracing every line and crevice before he met your eyes once again.
The lingering doubt gnawed at your already splintered confidence so despite your treasurous thoughts screamed that he wanted to kiss you in that very moment, your body remained frozen in place—incapable of emitting an appropriate response, too nervous to react in any way and way too scared to make the wrong move.
“Can—” he looked at your lips once again, “can I confess something else?”
“What?” he leaned closer, your nose brushed against his and you couldn’t help closing your eyes. You were feeling too much at once.
“I really want to kiss you right now.”
“So kiss me,” you whispered.
Taehyung laid back on the chair before pulling you onto his lap as your legs straddled his lap. His hands traveled mindlessly along your body until they finally found their destination on your neck—his method of saying you were simply too far because immediately he began pushing you towards him. Your heart was erratic, your hands were sweating and there were about a million scenarios playing in your head depicting every single way you could probably fuck this up.
But all of that flew right out of your head as soon as your lips met his. Kissing you so passionately you felt grounded, as if he was your home and this is exactly where you were meant to be; where you belonged.
Noone had kissed you like that before and you liked how his kisses were the words on endless pages of his love confession while his tongue sealed the envelope before sending you off into daydreams depicting scenes such as this one and so much more.
Taehyung pulled away; heaving; attempting to catch his breath, “I think—I think we should move inside. It’s getting late.”
Before you knew it your back crashed against the ocean of bed sheets and Taehyung followed right behind picking up where he left off. While his kisses worked to leave you breathless, his hand raked down the fabric of your top before stopping at the waistband of your sweat shorts.
“Can I?”
You nodded frantically anticipating all of the lustrous desires that had sparked up in your mind in the latest hours of the night, “yes.”
Taehyung moved past the waistband and lower down where only the thin layer of your panties stood between his fingers and your cunt but he did not touch you—not yet, you shuddered in anticipation, wondering how he’d render his concupiscent touch. You grew stupefied and your thoughts came to a halt as his teeth tucked at your lower lip, sweeping into your mouth. Everything he did worked to satiate the hunger growing within you, the very one crying out for him to devour you entirely once and for all.
He pulled away from your lips you felt his hands move under the fabric of your shorts, moving your panties to the side lining up two fingers at your entrance, you gasped once before Taehyung slated his mouth over yours swallowing every whimper and every moan to escape your lips as he pumped into you slowly.
It was a vicious repetition that already had you soaked, you uttered low whimpers but it seems he was only fueled by your sensitivity moving quicker and quicker by the second.
He parted away from your lips, whispering in your ear, “you're so wet and warm baby. Fuck, you feel so good, so tight around my fingers. So fucking good.”
“Ah, fuck. Oh, Taehyung please, please don’t stop. Okay? Don’t stop,” you whimpered as you moved to meet his quicken movements fucking yourself on his fingers so sweetly.
“I won’t stop. I promise you I won’t,” his voice was hoarse as he continued, the lewd promises he whispered sent glacial shivers down your spine and you felt the way your legs began shaving.
“Taehyung,” you moaned.
“Say my name like that again,” he groaned.
You snaked your hand around your neck twisting the blonde locs draped on the back of his neck before whispering his name once again he smirked going on and on. There was a flame igniting in the pit of your stomach and there was nothing more potent; nothing you could devote your attention to. The only thing you crave was to put that fire out. So you moved quicker against him until your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you reached that high and finally the fire ceased.
Taehyung left a peck on your cheek before aiding you in removing all of the pesky fabrics standing between him and the vulnerability of your nude body, then, he took off his own leaving only his briefs on. He kneeled in front of your stretched out legs and his finger burned streaks on your skin as they caressed your inner thigh, continuing to devote his attention everywhere but where you actually needed him most.
“Please. .” you begged.
“Please?”
“Please,” you said sternly.
“What do you want?” he questioned with a smug look painted on his features, the little bitch was teasing you.
“You know what I want.”
“I want to hear you say it,” you gasped as he grazed your enterance coating his digits in the combination of your juices and cum before shoving them in his mouth, licking them clean, “you taste so good, you know.”
“Eat me out Taehyung, please,” you cried out.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
He sunk deeper in his place until his face was no longer in your line of vision, beads of sweat rolled down your temples and you ached with fervidity. His breath fanned against your core and at that moment you knew he was near but it wasn’t until he wrapped his hands around your thighs pulling you closer to his face that you truly felt exposed. Taehyung brushed his lips over your slit leaving a trail of gentle kisses behind.
Using his tongue he separated his lips before gravitating towards your clit. He enveloped the sensitive bud between his lips quickly beginning his attack in the form of ravenous sucks and licks.
You gasped clutching onto the sheets to release the tension building within you. Everything you wanted to say out loud died in the back of your throat but you didn’t care about the words you couldn’t say. Your mind was too focused on the way your legs shuddered and your pelvis lifted into the air.
“I’m—“ you cried out, “I’m so so close.”
His fingers found themselves pushing past your entrance once again, pumping into you at a quickened pace. It was almost too much but you focused on the overstimulation of his tongue and touch. That inferno you felt once before burned brightly, this time you couldn’t map out a way to extinguish in its entirety. It would always burn and Kim Taehyung would always be the cause of it.
Whoever said playing with fire was a bad thing was a fucking liar because these flames warmed you up so good like an addiction you just would not want to ever shake off.
You reached down, raking your fingers through his blonde strands pushing him closer to you, doing so until trembled uncontrollably, spilling over on his fingers.
Taehyung emerged with swollen lips, his disheveled hair and his spit mixed with your juices on his chin. His fucked-out look was one that would live in your mind like an art work hung in a gallery.
“Unbeknownst to you, I’ve been yours for a while now,” he stopped to catch his breath, “but after tonight I want you to know that I am yours.”
Your eyes remained shut but you grinned nevertheless, “I believe that’s the post sex bliss talking.”
“I’m not the type to just say anything because of the moment at hand. I mean everything I say.”
“Okay,” you smiled, “can you say you’ll fuck me then or do I have to wish for it when I spot a shooting star for it to come true.”
He chuckled, it was low and thunderous so soothing and calming. It was always peaceful and eased your nerves even now as you laid completely naked.
“I’m sorry, were you planning to fuck someone on a vacation?” you asked ogling, as he fetched a golden packet from his discarded pant pocket, removed his briefs and slipped the condom around his cock.
“Only you,” he said, pressing the tip against your entrance far enough to have your mouth agape as a result but never enough to satisfy your craving to have him fucking you against the mattress, “I promise.”
“Taehyung, if you don’t fuck me right now I might actually loose my mind.”
He didn’t say anything else, you just felt him sliding in slowly giving you the time to adjust before he began moving in and out of you gradually. The air circulating the gray walls around the two of you became humid, hot enough to coat your body in a thin layer of sweat. You didn’t care though, you were enraptured in the feeling of him inside of you, in the echoing sounds of his skin slapping against your skin and his guttural grunts every time he drove into you.
Reality was you’d imagined this moment many many times in your head before but nothing, none of your dreams or your wildest fantasies could’ve prepared you for how much better this felt in person.
There were goosebumps running rampant on your arms, your eyes rolled to the back of your head and your moans and whimpers only increased in volume but you couldn’t help it.
“Harder—harder, please,” your nails drug into his back leaving bright red scratches behind.
“Harder,” he repeated that very word over and over, quickly moving to execute your request.
You felt all of the air being punched out of you everytime he buried himself deep in you, “Oh, yes, like that.”
Taehyung hugged your waist listing your lower half up from the mattress and continued slamming into you.
“I’m,” he thrust into you.
“—yours,”again.
“—to take,” again.
“Use me,” and again.
“Use me.”
You clenched around him continuously, your vision blurred and you felt waves of the scorching heat in the pit of your stomach burning brighter and hotter than they ever had that night until finally you let go.
Taehyung collapsed beside you, the two of you heaved in attempts to catch your breath.
“Fuck,” was all you said.
“Fuck, is right,” he laughed, “I’ll get a warm bath started for us.”
He placed a kiss on your forehead then one on your lips before disappearing into the bathroom.
Taehyung is your best friend but he is also the man who’s taken over your heart in a way that exceeds your platonic bond.
There were no labels attached to what the two of you were but you didn’t need them for now because you knew that Taehyung would always be there for you no matter what the situation looked like.
“Hey, are you ready to clean up?” he kneeled down next to the bed looking into your eyes.
“Of course.”
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a/n: out of season au cause im a slow writter but i hope everyone had a good summer and is looking forward to the fall 🍂🍁🍃
what will you miss most about summer?
#for me its the random ice cream runs and afternoons at the beach on the weekends#bts#bts smut#bts reactions#bts imagines#taehyung smut#kim taehyung smut#taehyung x you#taehyung x reader#taehyung x y/n#taehyung imagine#taehyung drabble#tae smut
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happy place.
pairing: minho x reader
genre/warnings: established relationship, fluff; unedited, just me being self-indulgent and word vomitting again
word count: 0.8k
listen to 🎧: you are in love - taylor swift
as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡
navigation / masterlist / ko-fi
one of your favorite things that minho does is when he drops everything just to hug you. unprompted, out of nowhere.
you like to call these sporadic moments your silent hug time.
it started not too long ago, maybe a few months back, on a random sunday afternoon while you were all snuggled up with soonie on the couch and lazily flipping through the pages of the book you were reading. it had been gloomy and miserable all day; you and minho were supposed to drive to the beach and soak up the last rays of summer sun before fall announced its arrival.
the weather had other plans though. no more beach day, that was for sure.
your boyfriend quietly walked into the room, not saying a word as he grabbed the novel in your hands, slid your bookmark into place and unceremoniously dropped the book onto the carpeted floor. soonie was promptly handled - much more gently - and placed somewhere next to the couch, which earned minho a controlled hiss before the cat just wandered elsewhere in the house seeing that your cuddle session was so rudely interrupted.
you’d learned not to question why minho did the things he did or how that peculiar brain of his worked, so you just quietly watched him with a puzzled look on your face, curious to see what he would do next.
you didn’t know what you expected, but to have him quite literally flop onto your body, pinning you underneath him as he rested his head on your chest, was definitely not something you had in mind.
“you good?” you asked, threading your fingers through his hair to play with the soft floofy mess, holding him close to your heart.
minho just hummed in response as he hugged you tightly. he didn’t sound upset or anything; there was nothing for you to worry about.
he then stayed in the same position for roughly fifteen minutes before pushing himself off of you. “recharged. thanks,” he announced curtly, pressing an appreciative kiss to your lips and leaving the room without an explanation.
that’s kind of how it became a thing. minho would randomly surprise you with silent hug time every now and then, always without warning and reasoning. you suppose that he does it whenever he wants a little boost of energy and affection, whenever he feels down and needs a little pick-me-up, or simply whenever he just wants to be close to you for a while before returning to his day. to “recharge,” as he would call it. it doesn’t even matter what you're doing when he wants it; any time can be silent hug time.
you’re making dinner? not anymore. minho already has the stove turned off before holding you hostage between his body and the kitchen counter, his arms around you keeping you flush against him.
you just got back from grocery shopping and the ice cream needs to be put in the freezer? nope, minho doesn’t give a shit about that. your two tote bags full of produce and snacks can stay on the floor for all he cares. all that matters to him the second you walked through the front door is bombarding you with a bear hug and flooding his senses with the scent of your shampoo and the perfume he loves most on you.
you’re both running late to changbin’s housewarming party? too bad. what minho wants, minho gets and minho gets right now. you can only sigh in defeat as his hands slide around your waist to pull you to him, his face finding refuge in the crook of your neck where he gives you a quick kiss there. you wrap your arms around his neck, turning occasionally to press your lips against his temple. changbin will definitely be fussy about your tardiness, but if you’re being totally honest, he’s lucky that you’re able to drag minho there at all.
in all fairness, it’s cute. it’s wonderfully endearing and such a minho thing to do. in true minho fashion, he would rather manhandle you and let your ice cream melt than tell you that he wants a hug, because god knows that minho would never willingly admit it on his own.
nevertheless, even if you you might not be able to hear him ask a simple question like “can i get a hug?” in this lifetime, you still have the privilege of being the one he goes to when he needs peace and comfort, and his actions speak more than his words ever could.
minho thinks of you first because he associates you with nothing but goodness. because you’re his happy place. you’re the calm amidst every storm, the safe harbor he can always return to when he needs shelter. every pretty color he sees and every beautiful adjective in his vocabulary? that’s all you.
to minho, you aren’t even synonymous with love. you are love.
permanent taglist: @onlyycb97wife @starsandrqindrops @borahae-reads @abbiestearsricochet @cutiespaghetti @anthropologykpopmultistan @moonlinos @mjnhoz @caitlyn98s @piercidh34rts @stayceebs97 @linocz @yaorzu-blog @biribarabiribbaem @kayleefriedchicken @extrhotjne @caitxx1 @palindrome969 @todorokiskitten @azuna-sz @meanergreener @nxzz1skz @jazziwritesthings @poutypoutybin (italicized = can’t tag)
all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 09.02.2024]
#stray kids fic#stray kids imagines#stray kids x reader#skz fic#skz imagines#skz x reader#skz x you#lee know fluff#lee know scenarios#lee know x reader#lee know imagines#lee know x you#lee minho x reader#lee minho x you#stray kids#lee know#lee minho
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Dating HCs with Kotaro Bokuto
pairing: kotaro bokuto x fem!reader
genre: fluff, nsfw at the end
warning/s: nsfw, smut, pegging, finger-fucking (?), overstimulation
a/n: this is for @janellion for her prize! I'm so sorry it took me so long to make your prize 😭! I think the nsfw was a lot longer than the sfw, just like what you wanted. i hope you enjoy this! ily bb!
credits: to @westxrlund for the header’s bg
SFW
Relationship with this owl is tiring but fun. For real. You will have no sleep. You will literally wake up at 3 am because he messages you to say he misses you.
3 am escapades are your relationship goals. He's craving for ice cream? He'll message you in the middle of the night that he'll be there in front of your doorstep in 15 minutes. You miss him? He'll take you to the beach and will make you sit in front of the car while he wraps his arms around your waist, sharing both of your favourite drink while staring at the sea.
But maybe if he's too lazy to drive, movie marathon in the living room while watching your favourite movie with a single blanket covering the both of you. Or if you want to, he'll cuddle you in bed if you cannot sleep.
But if there's an important event tomorrow, like a practice or official match or exam, you'll be the one to make him go to sleep or study because this man has no limits in his clinginess. Baby just want hugs and cuddles please spare him from the pain of having to study-
But even if he's clingy sometimes, he does know that school and match is important. He, after all, wants to become successful for you and your future together.
When you're inside the school, little notes and love letters are never forgotten when it comes to Bo. He'll slid in small notes inside your locker or your bag after you both finished eating lunch together. This man, despite his chaotic self, has good penmanship. And y'all can't tell me otherwise. Though there might be a few messy strokes here and there.
His notes and letters are a bit over the top but that's what you love about him. Though all the contents of it are just him telling you how beautiful you are and how much you love him or just some lame pick-up lines or vines he thought of or saw in the internet.
Mornings with him will probably consist of you being awake so early in the morning because Bokuto wants to jog with you. I swear your legs would be dead by the end of your jog because of how far this man jogs.
This guy loves to eat your cooking. May it be good or bad, he won't let the chance slip of getting to taste the food you cooked no matter how bad it is.
Also, expect music marathon with him too. You'll both be sharing a single earphone while eating chips and reading books or blasting them in the speakers while you two dance under the afternoon sunlight from the windows.
He knows you love reading so when he became a professional player, he uses some of his money sometimes to buy you books you're dying to buy. Will also bring you in a reading café so you both could read while chilling.
During summer, expect beach dates too. He will invite his friends over to go on a vacation with the both of you for a week or two. He loves barbecue so there'll be like barbecue party every two days. Will sneak inside you out on the shore to invite you over a walk by the sea.
Texting with Bo is sweet and funny sometimes. But often times, you just send cheesy text to each other or he'll just send you random funny videos or memes he saved on his phone.
You always make sure to be on his every game to support him and cheer for him. Everytime he scores, his names escapes your lips in a shout to show your undying support for him. Whenever he feels down, you always make sure to cheer him up so that he wouldn't sulk during the game. You are his energizer and personal cheerleader after all. When the game ends, hugging him has always been a ritual for the both of you. If they won the game, you always give him a kiss in the lips as a reward. However, if they lost, your shoulders are always ready for him to cry on while you calm him by running your hands on his back.
Whenever he's down, ice cream with you is always the solution for him. Sitting on the couch while you both enjoy the cold sweet treat as he snuggle close to you and become the small spoon have always been perfect for him.
But of course, there's no such thing as perfect relationship. There will always be a time where you both will have a fight or a misunderstanding, and during those times, you both try your hardest to understand each other and explain both of your sides. Bokuto doesn't like fighting with you. Because he believes it's pointless. But even so, whenever you two got into a fight, Bokuto may be pissed and you may be angry too, but a day or two of clearing up the both of your heads has always been the answer. After a day or two, one of you will step out of their comfort zone and say sorry to the other, depending on who's fault it is.
NSFW
warning/s: please be warned that after this note, nsfw content will greet you. Read at your own risk.
As calm as you both are in the outside, sex with Bokuto was never vanilla. You both always manage to spice things up weather it may be major suck as blindfold or minor such as changing positions. And you always love it. After all, this man has big d energy and you can prove it down there.
His favourite position is you, on all fours, while he rams his cock inside you. He likes seeing your sweaty back, just like how you love his back too. The way your back arc when he hits that sweet spot inside you, he loves seeing it so much, resulting to him pounding you even harder than he already is.
Most times, he likes it sweet and slightly slow. The first time you did it, he was so slow and caring that it was the best experience for you. He likes to see you squirm beneath him while you moan in pleasure, sometimes begging him to go faster. Of course, he would give it to you since he wants you to feel pleasure.
However, this guy can also be so so rough when it comes to the sheets. He'll be ramming his cock deep inside your wet cavern until you can't say anything other than chant his name over and over again. Marks and bruises would be present on your hips and neck cause why not? He loves marking you.
Overstimulation? You got it. This man can make you come almost two times just by his fingers alone. The squelching sounds motivating him to go deeper until he hits that spongy spot you love the most.
He can also be a little shit sometimes. Teasing you by brushing his fingers to your overstimulated front, giving you orgasm denial just so he can see those pretty crystalline tears rolling down your cheeks.
He loves putting hickies all over your body. So much. He will literally bite you everywhere just so he can gaze up and stare at his beautiful handiwork. He also have sensitive neck, and the first time you bit him on the neck, a loud whine escaped his lips from the pleasure.
Sexts is also an often occurrence in your relationship. When he feels horny and you're not together, he would text you in ungodly hours and will tell you how much he misses the feeling of your walls around his fat cock. You would shush him, saying its inappropriate to send horney text, but one message from his commanding you to take off all of your clothes and send him a lewd photo was all it took for you to get horny and obey him. You both end up on a video call while you masturbate and he watches you, hands palming the beast under his boxers as his eyes ogled on your fingers thrusting in and out of your hole, lewd expressions forming on your face.
He's a dom, all the way through. But he has a dirty little secret that he hides from you. He can't see you dominating him, but it's not really impossible. Bokuto hides it, but he's curious about pegging. He had so search the meaning of it in google and when he knew what it meant, he lowkey got hard when he imagined it. You, behind him, while wrecking him with tat straps of yours.
He knows how much of a sub you are, that's why he hid at most of the time. When he tried to tell you about it while you two were cuddling on the bed after 3 rounds, you were a bit shocked. You? Dominating him? Bokuto, who's a hard dom? You were stunned. So shocked that you can only nod your head when he asked you if you're okay with it.
The first time you two did it, Bokuto was so shy that you have to come out of your shell and convince him that it's okay. You both don't know what to do, but Bokuto did some research to help the both of you.
When you put on the strap, it was kinda...awkward and uncomfortable at first. Add the fact that you don't know how to put it on, Bokuto have to help you. When you get somewhat used to it, you reached for the bottle of lube and squirt a good amount on your hands.
Bokuto was lying on his stomach in front of you, his ass high up to help you somehow. When you pressed your fingers on his puckered hole, he jolted in surprise that you almost jumped to. Once he was calmed down, you started spreading the lube around his hole and slowly inserted your finger.
Bo's moan was so good, so erotic that it made your cunt wet just by hearing his moans. When you started thrusting your finger in and out, his moans got more louder from the new pleasure he's feeling. After a while, his hole started relaxing and it was now super easy to insert your finger inside him.
You tried to insert another finger, attempting to imitate his motion when he's the one finger-fucking you. And the reaction made your hole clench, your juices dripping down the strap on your hips. Once Bokuto gave you the go sign that he's already prep enough, you started inserting the dildo inside him.
As first it was a bit hard, since it was your first time and you're still not used to using the strap. But when you found his hole at last, you started inserting the dildo inside him. A loud moan escaped Bokuto's lips, one that's so erotic that even porn actors would envy. It was so erotic, so cute that you got lost in the moment and inserted almost half of it in, making him squirm below you. When he looked over his shoulder to tell you to be more gentle, his face was full of tears, cheeks so red from crying and from too much pleasure he's feeling.
You can't help but to feel so good and started fucking him, but still in a slow way so as to not hurt him any further. His moans were echoing on the four corners of the room, so lewd and so good that you can't help but to thrust a little bit faster. The whole experience was so fun and enjoyable to you even though it was a bit uncomfortable using the strap. But it was worth it nonetheless, since you get to see another side of Bo that you've never seen before.
But man, the aftermath was that your hips and legs were hurting so much as well as your back when you both finished. It was so painful that all you could do was lay on bed. Bokuto felt a little guilty but you assured him that you're okay and that it wasn't his fault. To make up for it, he decided to eat you out.
You were on your back, your legs spread apart as Bokuto dived in on your cunt and licked your clit, making you squirm. He held your thighs firmly to keep them apart and started fucking you using his tongue. The pleasure was so good that tears started forming on the corners of your eyes as Bokuto pleasured you.
Bokuto has always been so good in using his tongue that it was not a surprise that you squirted on your 3rd orgasm. He doesn't want to tire you even more so he stopped and cleaned you up before lying beside you and pulling you close to him, naked bodies locked together between his strong arms.
#reogou#reogou library#haikyuu!!#haikyuu#haikyuuwritersnet#bokuto kotaro#bokuto x reader#bokuto x you#bokuto sfw hcs#bokuto fluff#bokuto smut hcs#bokuto smut#haikyuu smut#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu hcs#bokuto kotaro x reader#bokuto kotaro x you#bokuto kotaro hcs#bokuto#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you
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Grain of Sand | preview | jjk
Genre: established relationship x smut x probably an unreasonable amount of fluff too
Pairing: blind!jungkook x reader
Warnings: none for this preview
Summary: Blind since the age of 18 from a genetic disorder, Jungkook walked through life as if he never lost it, but on one fateful day five years ago he literally almost runs into you. He fell in love nearly immediately. Fast forward to the present and it’s just another day in your quiet life with him by your side.
Author’s Note: yall, please don’t hate me. I just get random spurts of energy to write..
Bright, warm sunshine filled the hallway of your home from the windows that lined the wall. It was one of the reasons you picked this house. You imagined hanging pictures up on the wall for the morning sun to rise upon and, at night, you could still easily see them in the light of the moon. And that’s exactly what you did when you moved in two years ago. Jungkook walked ahead of you, fingers delicately skimming the wall right beneath the pictures. The wall there looked more worn than the rest, a little oily sheen to it from his fingertips. Walls all over your home had these trails. They were like highways for him, directing him to the living room, kitchen, and every room in between. Sometimes, like now, you’d run your fingers along his path lovingly, grazing your fingers underneath your wedding photo.
“What would you like for breakfast?” he asked, and you saw as he tilted his head a little, knowing you were following quietly behind him.
You hummed in thought. You never really were that hungry as soon as you woke up, but the smell of breakfast always made your stomach growl.
“What about…eggs and bacon?”
“Toast?”
“Oh, yes, Taehyung gave us some fresh strawberry jam he made.”
He hummed in a content agreement, turning the corner ahead of you, two fingers brushing the dull edge as he continued down the hallway. The light overhead was still off, and the early morning sun had yet to reach this part of the house, but Jungkook moved by memory and his worn wall path before moving into the kitchen. As he walked into the room, you reached for the light switch and flicked it on.
“What would you like me to do?” you asked. You leaned against the counter as you watched his hands skim the cabinets, and you knew he was counting in his head, until he got to the one he wanted. He pulled out a pan as his other hand reached for the stove, hand on the burner, before moving it to sit it down.
“Uh, if you want to grab the ingredients, that will help.”
“Sure thing, sweet pea.”
Jungkook laughed as he reached for the oil that sat by the stove.
“I should be calling you pet names.”
“You do all the time and you’re just too cute not to.”
Opening the refrigerator, you pulled out the necessary amount of eggs and bacon as not to cause confusion with a clutter of items.
Jungkook lost his sight at the ripe, but terrible age of 18. Retinitis pigmentosa was the cause of his progressive vision loss. Around 10, he started showing signs when he complained about not being able to see outside when he played later in the afternoon, even when the sun was still bright on the horizon. His parent’s worst fears were confirmed with his diagnosis and the heartache of explaining to their son that he would lose his vision completely was devastating. But Jungkook proved strong and focused on studying Braille and doing whatever he could to prepare himself. Over the years, his vision worsened, he didn’t get to get his driver’s license with his friends, and he missed out on many things, but that didn’t stop him from pursuing his passion in music. He felt a connection when he made music because without his vision, it made him that much more acute in his studies. You met Jungkook in college, both music majors, and the reason you had met was because he had accidentally thwacked you with his white cane.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry,” he had said reaching in your direction.
You had laughed and at first his face was set into a confused expression until you spoke.
“Oh, that little thing couldn’t even leave a mark if you had done it intentionally.”
His face screwed up as he tried to hold in a laugh but was unable to do so at your incessant giggling. When you spoke again was when he thinks he fell in love with you, but there were too many moments to count for him.
You nudged the end of his completely white cane, no red or other markings. “Completely blind, huh?”
You hadn’t said it with any disdain or judgement; you had said it as if you were just having curious, casual conversation. Most of the time Jungkook felt as if his blindness made him invisible to people as if it were some curse to have and if they accidentally came close to him, they’d hurt him or themselves. Of course, he had his close friends and family that didn’t even remember he was blind half the time, but society always kind of sucked that way.
But you, you were the first girl he had ever met that so blatantly astonished him within the first few minutes and his heart flipped in his chest. He didn’t even need to see you to know that you were perfect, and he would end up with you one day. And, sure enough, five years later you were married and looking for a new home.
“How does this one sound?” you asked one night over your tub of chocolate ice cream.
You both sat at your small kitchen table in your small apartment. Jungkook had one headphone in listening to an audiobook, head resting in his hand as his other played absently on yours. You were scrolling through houses on your phone, trying to find the both of you the perfect one. Jungkook hit pause on his book and looked in your direction. Despite his blindness, nothing about his eyes had really changed; they were still a beautiful brown and they were your favorite to see in the evening light, sunset set his eyes aflame.
“Babe, as long as the layout is easy to memorize and it’s what you want, it’s perfect for me.”
“I love you,” you whispered. Tears filled your eyes at the content look on his face, a slight smile played on his lips. You were truly happy with him, sharing every moment together, and to the fullest, but parts of you did feel sad that he couldn’t see it.
“My god,” he whispered somewhat dramatically and suddenly your tears became a small laugh because you knew where this was going. “If your love were a grain of sand…”
“Mine would be a universe of beaches,” you whispered back.
Now, here you were, in your home with its innocuous fingertip paths lining your walls in an intimate artwork that was priceless to you.
#preview#grain of sand#jungkook#bts smut#bts fluff#established relationship#jungkook x reader#reader insert#jungkook smut#jungkook fluff#nonidol!au#blind!jungkook
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Star Wars Fun in the Sun
vol 1 - At the beach
This is my gift (vol 1) for @milfsyndullas in the Fun in the Sun gift exchange hosted on @starwarsfandomfests ! Thank you@lilhawkeye3 for organising this ☺️
Couldn't choose between two ideas so I wrote them both. This one is with Padme and Sabe on a nice day at a Naboo beach ^^
AO3
The village was still quiet this early in the morning. The fresh fragrance of baking breads wafted on the wind through the steep streets. The girls had woken up with the sun and packed lightly for a day at the beach, putting on their bathing suits under their clothes. They picked one of the many inviting, small shops at random and had a light breakfast of caf and pastries. From sitting higher up on the hill, they could see over the rooftops all the way to the open water of the lake and to the opposite shore.
Their usual daily program would be sailing over the lake and exploring some of the villages dotted along the shores, and that’s what they did the past few days. But this morning was promised to be unusually windy, if still warm, with bright sunshine in the afternoon. They were both capable with the boat but maybe this would have been pushing it on open water. Sabe was cautious, even if Padme war ready to take on the challenge. Also despite being on holiday, so far every day was busy, even if it was the relaxing kind and not work related busy. So Sabe told her darling Padme that she was working hard enough and she needs a day when she does nothing. No senatoring, no learning of local customs, no meeting with people. Just splashing about in the water, eating, and laying on the sun. Maybe some hand-holding and cuddling too.
“How about kissing? Am I allowed to kiss you today, or is that considered a job?” she teased Sabe over their breakfast. “As your girlfriend, it is my duty, if we think about it.”
“If it feels like duty than we need some serious talk.” Sabe looked back at her over the rim of her cup. “About your workload and you taking things too seriously.”
“Me? Taking things seriously? Never!” Padme defended her conduct, and stuck her pinky finger out and away from her cup as she took a sip. “Correction. Its not my duty, it is my privilege.”
“That’s better” nodded Sabe gracefully, as if accepting a formal apology. Then they both giggled. “Remember! No work today. Just fun with your girl.”
Padme blew a kiss to her over her pastry.
Most of the beaches were either open to the public with infrastructure built around them, or were privately owned, secluded bays. This one was neither. It was out of the way between two villages, hard to get there by boat, and just generally not worth the effort it took to travel there on speeders or on foot when there were so many, more convenient opportunities too. It was perfect for them for this very reason.
“What if someone is already there?” Padme asked.
“You mean, others might be just as clever as us?”
“No way, but they could’ve bumped into the place by accident.”
“Yes, true. In that case, I think we should quietly move away and look for another place?”
They agreed to walk to the next village if that was the case and visit that small restaurant there they’d been once already and promised themselves to go back.
The beach was empty. It was barely more than a cove in the cliffs, the footpath to it winding through rocks. Padme’s local bodyguard left them with her speeder after checking around and took up a sentry post higher on the steep hillside. She was good at her job, and the girls knew she’ll take a position where she sees all the pathways towards them whilst not seeing them personally to give them as much privacy as possible. Their sentry droid was stationed lower, hidden by a bush, keeping an eye on the girls a bit more closely, ready to report any threats or if one of them would be in distress.
They laid down their towels on the soft sand and put their bags on them to stop them from blowing away, then stripped off their shirts and dresses to run into the water. Their enthusiasm was a bit curbed when the cold water hit them higher and higher on their bodies with every step. They had to stop once they were stomach deep in to breath through the cold. Once they were used to that, they took another step - just to have to repeat the process until they were shoulder deep in water.
“I forgot it’s this cold in the morning” Sabe stuttered, and Padme nodded vigorously, teeth clattering.
They swam in the quiet little bay until they were exhausted. It was windy enough in this corner, backed by steeper cliffs, to make the surface of the lake frilly with crescent waves large enough to play with them. They flopped onto them belly first and let the water roll away under them, dropping into a valley; then they waited for the next crest to lift them up again with a help of a leg kick. When they got too exhausted and hungry to carry on, they waded out of the water.
Reaching the sandy shore, they run to their towels and wrapped themselves in them tightly, sitting close to each other until they dried off enough for the shivering to stop. Then they opened the basket that had all the fresh foods they bought that morning: spelt bread, almond cheese, tomatoes, fruits; and ate while chatting. Padme dug her toes into the ground, enjoying the soft sand between them. Then she flicked her toes up, tossing the sand into the air and watched where the fine grains would land. She repeated the game, Sabe smiling at her.
“I like it when you’re playful” she told Padme, tilting her head that she rested on her pulled up knees towards her. Padme looked down at her, face softening as she took in Sabe’s dreamy expression.
“I’m not playing, I’m conducting an experiment” she smiled coyly, remembering their conversation from the morning. Sabe took the teasing good-heartedly. Raising an eyebrow, she grinned back to Padme, her tone lacking real admonishment.
“No. Work. Today.” Padme blew another kiss to her.
They almost missed the gelaati float in the afternoon. Luckily they noticed the melody drifting towards them and could hail it just in time. Padme waved with both arms and yelled from the waist-deep water while Sabe waded to the shore to hail them. Usually it was manned by a droid, but this one was seemed to be driven by a humanoid. The driver waved back at them and lowered the float. It looked like it was modified from an old speeder, not purpose-made than most, and was painted with blue and white stripes. It hovered as close to them on the pathway as safety regulations allowed.
The driver waited patiently whilst the girls grabbed their towels and purses and made their way up on the hillside.
“Thank you for your patience, sir, and a good day to you as well.” Padme greeted him, slightly winded.
“And a good day to you, ladies. What can I serve you with?”
Now that was a good question. Most floats had a good selection of goods, and this one in particular was dripping with all the different foods and drinks. Caf’s of different types - some made the local way, some imported and advertised as being from Coruscant. They skipped over those without a second thought. There were ice creams of course, in bowls and in cones and on sticks; the soft airy types that came with trade and the local, much more dense gelaati that gave the name to the type of moving dessert shops like this. There were also fruit cones, roasted vegetables in little containers, chilled cheeses, and bread rolls kept warm in earthenware pots to round out the selection.
Since they had already eaten their lunch, they decided on some desserts. Padme choose the iced caf and Sabe got a dozen of her favourite flower waffles.
The girls walked back to the beach, chatting, the wind tousling their hair. They plopped down on their towels then stretched their legs and dug their toes into the soft sand as they got ready to eat their respective treats. They always choose different, be it food or drinks, and they always had the other have the first taste of whatever they had bought or ordered. Sabe tried the caf with the scoop of gelaati.
“Warm and cold together? I’ll never understand. But it’s nice enough.” Sabe put down the bowl whilst she waited for Padme who broke off a piece of one of the crunchy circles. Her lips were coated with the powdered sugar from the top of the waffle, and she held a palm under her chin to catch any stray crumbs.
“This one’s good too, even if it should be softer” she gave her verdict with a wink. She thought about popping the remaining bite-sized piece into her mouth, than changed her mind and offered it to Sabe. She leaned closer and let Padme feed it to her, than gave her her bowl. And after a moment of thought, a light kiss too.
Than they broke into giggles, lips sticky with powdered sugar, and cuddled as the waves lapped up to the shore.
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Girl Crush (XIII)
Chapter 13: Would It Be A Sprout?
Here we go with a new chapter!!! I hope you like it!!
Important chapter ahead. Like… hmm hmm…. Very important chapter, that I will let you discover by yourself but… yes, yes, important indeed. Poor Harry…
Tell me what you think about it!!
Word Count: 2749
Two months.
Harry hadn't seen you in two months, that was way too long.
If he had booked a flight for L.A. as soon as he had learnt that he would have a few days off between two shows, he still reckoned that in the future he would have to plan his trips to make sure he had more time to visit you.
Of course, the two of you had been on the phone almost every day. But it wasn't the same. It wasn't the same at all. Your voice was distorted by the waves transmitted through space, he felt the distance between the two of you in the way you laughed, and your face on the screen of his phone wasn't represented well enough for him to see all the details in your eyes.
Gareth wouldn't be around for the whole afternoon and evening, and Harry was rather happy to avoid sharing you for a while. Some of his friends had asked to organize a party, but he had pushed the occasion for 48 hours later. He wanted to spend the first day he was back to the city of Angels just catching up with you, and he would be dining with you and Gareth the next day.
And indeed, you did spend the whole afternoon together. You had taken the day off to go pick up Harry at the airport, and after dropping his luggage at his house, you enjoyed a lazy afternoon walking down the beach, talking about everything and nothing, eating too much ice-cream and laughing so hard your bellies ached.
You sat down in the sand to watch the sun set and disappear beyond the ocean, painting with red, gold and purple the heavens and the waters it sank in. Your toes were brushed by the waves, and you looked at a little crab running back and forth a few meters away with amusement painted all over your features.
And if he had missed you these past few months, Harry suddenly realized how much he had. He felt happier than he had in these seven weeks. Despite how much he loved performing, he reckoned that he wouldn't have traded this moment even for the rush of stepping on a stage and hearing a crowd sing his songs. If the second was exhilarating, exciting, this… this was soothing and calm. It felt almost like meditation, like connecting to the simple things that meant the most. When he turned to look at you again, he saw home in your features.
Funny that he felt that way. He had never really considered any place like a home since he had left his mother's house at 16. And yet, there was no other word to describe the warm feeling that grew in his chest as he stared at you. He felt like he was exactly where he belonged.
You felt his stare fixed upon you, and turned to him. He answered with a warm smile.
"What's going on in your funny head?" you asked, resting your chin on your knees.
"Nothing," he shrugged. "I'm just happy to see you. I've missed you."
The smile you offered him was worth a thousand suns, but it remained tender and delicate as one of these peonies you adored. The wind carried the salty scent of the ocean, yet he could smell your perfume over the salty fragrance of the waves: jasmine and summer skies, that was how he would describe it.
"I've missed you too, Harry. I'm glad you didn't forget about me."
You had spoken similar words before, but this time your tone was serious instead of teasing, so he frowned instead of laughing like he usually did.
"Forget about you, what do you mean?"
You shrugged, your gaze settling on the waves instead of his green eyes. It was easier to speak words you felt so deeply when watching a sunset than the two orbs you dreamt about from time to time.
"I don't know. You went away for so long, to live something pretty insane and amazing. And I'm just here, an ordinary florist…"
"Don't talk about it like that," he interrupted you with a bitter tone, and you were surprised to find a mixture of sadness and anger in his deep voice.
"I'm not blaming you or anything. And I'm not saying that I'm miserable either. I'm absolutely amazing."
He chuckled.
"You are. You are amazing."
"Doesn't mean that… you being away, sucked up in the craziness of it all… I was afraid you would stop thinking about your friend who lived thousands of miles away."
He shook his head, giving you one of his tender, lopsided smiles, and wrapped an arm around your shoulders to pull you close. And you hadn't realized before then, how much you had missed being in his arms.
"How could I ever forget my best friend, you silly? I missed you like hell. By the way, would you like to come to London for the holidays?"
Your eyes widened.
"What?"
"I'll be at my mum's for Christmas, but have to get back to London on the 26th. Thought you could come with me, as you didn't get the chance to walk around the town the last time you went there. My mum offered to let you stay for the New Year too, I'll go back to Holmes Chapel for New Year's Eve. You could come with me. A few others of my friends that you know will be there, so you won't feel alone, don't worry."
"I… I don't know…"
"You don't have to give me an answer now. Just think about it. And don't worry about money, I'll pay for the tickets, and you can stay at my place, so it won't cost you a penny. Or well, a cent here, I suppose."
"Are you sure about this?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"You're inviting me to stay at your mum's…"
"What about it? You're my best friend. Trust me, I talk about you all the time, she and Gemma know who you are already. Come on, say yes! It'll be fun! I'll be your guide in London!"
You had to admit that it was an excellent proposition, so you nodded, defeated.
"Okay, that sounds fun. I'll come."
"Wonderful! I'll get you tickets, you don't have to worry about a thing."
You rested your head against his shoulder, smiling.
You felt like you never had to worry about anything whenever he was around anyway…
"By the way, Harry…"
"Hmm?"
"You talk about me all the time?"
"Oh, shut up!"
It was late. Really late. Both of you should have been in bed, but none of you wanted to sleep. Harry was exhausted, but he didn't want to bid you goodnight just yet, and you were tired too, but you were too excited to have your best friend back to care too much about your stinging eyes.
Outside, the sky was cloudless and stained with a thousand stars, pale and distant lights lost in an infinite void. The moon was beginning a new cycle, its shape turned into a mere silvery line. But nor you nor Harry paid much attention to the beauty of the night sky.
In Harry's home, Notting Hill was playing, and Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant were breaking into a private garden in the centre of London. Both of you had changed into pyjamas, and you had stolen one of Harry's Treat People With Kindness oversized jumpers. Harry had settled for a pair of old shorts and an oversized green T-shirt. His hair had grown quite a lot since you had last seen him, and the dishevelled strands fell before his eyes. He had also clearly not shaven in a few days, and you were not complaining.
Two glasses of red wine, half empty, rested on the ground next to your feet, and the rests of some Chinese take-out were still scattered across the table. On the couch, Harry and you were facing each other, both of you sitting cross-legged on the comfortable cushions. Harry had just finished to paint your nails, and it was your time to decorate his.
You had chosen to match your nails with his, both of you sporting an alternance of pastel blue and lilac now. You were applying the final layer now, and you were quite proud of your work, barely any of the polish had wandered on his skin.
You had missed these evenings with him so much. The simple, quiet ones where all the two of you did was talk, enjoy each other's company, watch a film and do silly things like painting each other's nails or play boardgames in your pyjamas. You didn't reckon that there was anyone else with whom you would never grow tired of spending this kind of simple and yet intimate moments. Your memories brought you back to the first rainy afternoon you had spent together, the first time you had won against him at Scrabble, and he had never stopped raging about always losing ever since. The thought made you smile.
You were so lucky to have Harry in your life…
There was a slight frown on your features as you focused so intensely to not mess up your hard work. But he could read in your posture too that you were calm, absolutely relaxed. If there were things that stressed you out with your work, or your relationship with Gareth, your body language spoke loudly enough to leave no doubt that you weren't thinking about any of these issues. And as a result, you started to hum a random melody, without even noticing the gesture.
You always hummed when you were happy, without even noticing. An unconscious gesture that never failed to make him smile. He didn't recognize the tune, but then, he wasn't even sure it existed yet, maybe you were creating it now. Just the same way as you did while you were cooking together that day, and created one of his songs in the process. Would you create another tonight?
Through the low light of the room, the flashes from the TV screen painted shadows and shades across your features. Photons were caught in your hair and glimmered there, flickering fireflies shining brightly before fading.
You finished to paint his pinky finger, and let out a content sigh, before resuming your humming as you closed the bottle of polish. You wiggled a little, happy and proud of your work. Your smile radiated joy and kindness. And you were so… adorable? Beautiful? Perfect? It felt like all these adjectives weren't enough to describe how he felt for you in that moment.
His heart seemed to expand in his chest, in a way it had never changed before. It was as if… it was growing bigger and bigger, getting filled with something new that asked for nothing but to burst out and ignite the entire world. He had never felt this way, and yet, it didn't feel like Harry was completely foreign to it. It felt more like… something that had always been there, but never to this proportion, never to this intensity that blinded everything else the way it did now.
And the words that formed on the tip of his tongue and almost spontaneously tumbled past his lips showed him what the meaning behind this overwhelming feeling was.
I love you.
He did manage to bite his tongue before he could let out any sound though, but the urge to speak these words made his eyes grow round all the same.
What… what the hell was happening? What did that even mean?
Love? Well, obviously, you were his best friend, he did love you in a way, but not… not that way…
And he knew that as the words formed in his mind and heart, this time, they weren't intended to express a platonic love he would feel for a friend. They meant… something absolutely not platonic…
"All done! And may I say, I've nailed your nails! No pun intended."
He didn't even notice that you were talking. He seemed to have zoned out.
In reality, he was completely panicked.
What was going on? Why did he feel like that? Why did he want to say that?
"Harry? You're alright?"
You waved your hand right before his eyes in an attempt to bring him back to Earth, and he finally seemed to snap out of his trance.
"Huh? Sorry…"
"Are you alright? You don't like your nails?"
"What? My nails?"
He looked down at his hands and remembered what you had been doing.
"Oh, no, they're great. Well done!"
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Uhm… yeah. I'm just… Very tired all of a sudden, with the trip and all that."
You nodded, and he could read in your eyes that you believed his lie.
"You should get some rest. It's very late."
"I'll prepare the bed for you in the guest room…"
"No, go to bed. I know where everything is kept in this house anyway," you laughed, already turning off the TV. "Try to wait a few minutes for the polish though, or else you'll put some all over your pillow."
"Of course. Thanks again, it looks great."
You grinned, putting the nail polish away.
"I'll clean up, you get some rest," you ordered, before leaning closer to him. "Good night, Harry!"
You dropped a peck on his cheek. A gesture you had done many times before, and Harry shouldn't have reacted to it the way he did.
Why was his heart about to explode again? Why couldn't he breathe? What the hell was happening to him?
"Uhm… Good… Good night, Y/N," he stuttered, blushing hard from his neck to the tip of his ears, and he hurried to get up and head for his bedroom to hide his reaction.
He could still feel your lips against his skin, a ghostly sensation lingering on his cheek, like a little tickle… Your lips were so soft…
He locked the door behind him, resting his back against the wooden surface, out of breath, his eyes wide in panic.
What the hell was going on?!
He replayed the scene in his head, trying to understand what could have happened?
You were sitting on the couch next to him, painting his nails, and you looked so beautiful and…
His heart started to race again, and he rested his hand upon his chest, as if it would make the organ slow down, but all it did was make Harry feel through his ribcage just as fast his heart was pounding.
He let himself slide down the length of the door to the floor, and sat there for a while, resting his head against the cold wood behind him.
You were his best friend. Nothing more. What the hell was wrong with him?
The next thought that formed in his messy head was a question: what would it feel like to kiss you?
He was horrified at his own mind… how could he think like that of you?
You were his friend. You trusted him. And you were in a relationship with someone else. His brain had no rights forming this kind of thoughts.
And yet, when he let his mind wander off again, the same question appeared again, and this time, he felt the burning urge to stand up, open the door, cross the house back to the living room and find out.
He did none of that, of course. Instead, he kept on panicking, burying his face in his hands.
But he reckoned that he was simply being tired and stupid. You were his best friend. You were… his friend. Nothing more.
He was simply stressed out with all his shows, and tired, and jetlagged, and he had missed you so damn much, and he was so happy to see you again and spend some quality time with you.
Yes, it was only the mingling of all these circumstances that was messing with his head. A good night of sleep, and he would be back to his senses.
What if it wasn't though? What if… what if the feeling didn't stop in the morning? What if he really was in love with you?
He dragged himself off of the floor and crawled into bed, collapsing on his pillow and closing his eyes, hoping he would fall asleep soon.
He didn't sleep very well through the night though.
You were haunting his dreams.
**************************************************
Taglist : @ponycake27 @horsesreign @xinyourdreamsx @jbluevelvet@notkeppeki @daynigt-dreamer-stuff @fudgeflyss @stuckupstucky@snek-shit @suchatinyinfinity@i-padfootblack-things @buckybsarmy @heyohheyitsgabi@jigsawlover10 @emyyjemyy @addictedtofictionalcharacters @staringmoony@madamrogers @cronias13 @stylesfics-xx @mellamolayla
#harry styles x reader#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles series#harry styles imagine#imagine#fanfiction#fanfic#series#writing
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if we have eachother (Branjie/Scyvie/Everyone) 1/5 - PinkGrapefruit
chapter one. in which family means chaos
A/N - hey guys! i finished this way before i thought i would (but please don’t hold your breath for the next chapter) and i wasn’t expecting to go soooobranjie but ah well - shit happens. Thanks to Frey and Meggie for putting up with my ass (and Saiph for validating me early on) (and Clanjie for the idea) and lets get on with the show!
*
Vanessa names his kids after ’The Notebook’ characters because ‘well, I want them to be happy and find love and shit’ and they live in a bubble for a few months between the end of August and the season eleven announcements. It’s anything less than calm and a learning curve and a half before he sleeps full nights again (when he does, he’s got Allie under one arm and Noah on his back, but he’s never been happier). He cuts down his drag shows and leans on his sisters a little for support, A’keria talks him through the little things his research didn’t prepare him for - how they don’t like being alone and can’t quite understand when they’re being addressed because their old family wasn’t ideal. He never cries in front of them, only drinks a glass of wine every few nights, alone on his couch. Brooke is around when he can be, all 6’3 of a Canadian man who becomes just so soft around the kids - they don’t know of their Papa’s relationship with Uncle Brooke. It’s for the better as then again, they’re three.
Then season eleven premieres and his world is turned back on its head, moments filtering through his mind like sand particles until everything makes it through the hourglass. He spends more time away from his kids than he would ever want to, but still manages to read them a bedtime story over Facetime. They celebrate their birthday in early March (and Brooke triumphantly reminds Vanessa that his kids are Pisces). It’s a family affair and they - a good handful of season ten and eleven sisters - go to the beach, Noah staying safely in the embrace of Nina while Allie jumps waves with Scarlet and Yvie. Brooke and Vanessa stay under the giant umbrellas, watching the kids as they wonder how they got this lucky. The twins may not be in any relation with Brooke, by relationship or blood, but he takes pride in knowing he was one of their first people, that means more than any crown he could win. The Latino regularly fields questions about how he co-parents with an ex but the answer is more complicated than it might seem, so he keeps his mouth shut and watches his son be spun around on the other man’s back, flying.
It’s a moment of solitude in a time that is far too busy for his liking. He longs for days back in the summer when he would sit in the garden, watch them run around until they fell onto the warm grass. Ice cream and dance parties and the smell of freshly washed baby hair - apple shampoo.
*
He’s doing okay, he swears, as he juggles Allie and Noah between Alexis and A’keria and anyone else who’s in town at the time. Then he books four straight weeks in California and he’s doing better. It runs all the way up to Drag Con and then they start the tour, something which - against all odds - he can bring the twins on. It’s going to take a village but he’s endlessly excited for the upcoming months.
He makes tiny matching jackets and buys them light up sneakers, takes them to a mini street dance class at the local community centre, and while Allie takes to it like a fish to water, he watches Noah struggle. When they get home, the kids are still singing ‘The Greatest Show’ (who decided that was a good street dance song, he will never know), and he tries on a few outfits for them. Noah’s personal favourite is the strings on his thigh-high lace-up heels. Dressed in the reunion outfit and a random pink wig of Allie’s choice, they spend the early afternoon dancing in the living room to RuPaul songs till the twins are exhausted enough for a nap. He has to carry them upstairs one by one, laying each on their bed and removing the sneakers so that they sleep better. He tucks them in, presses kisses to their foreheads, and returns to his drag studio to tidy up the mess they made.
When he hears clumsy footsteps in the hall, he turns and finds a tiny little brunette staring at him. She’s got eyes that encompass oceans, big and blue and they’re streaming as she sniffles, hugging her ballet bear (a present from Brooke) close to her. He takes two big strides and envelops her fragile frame in his, whispering words of comfort as little hands grip into his vest. “Shhhh Allie-baby,” he coos, hates hearing her cry. “‘C’mon baby girl, it’s okay.” - umber meets cerulean as he pulls her away slightly, facing her. “What happened?”
The girl balls her tiny fist around one of his vest straps, mumbles a soft and muffled “Papa,” into his torso before sniffling.
He sets her down and holds out a hand, walking her back to her bedroom like his mama always taught him to treat women. He sets her on her bed and looks at her softly. “C’mon boo, we gonna have a story?” She perks up a little, relaxes her grip on the teddy bear as she snuggles under the covers. Vanessa is momentarily impressed by how Noah is still asleep.
“Once upon a time, there was a queen called Miss Vanjie -”
*
Vanessa is endlessly surprised at how people step up if you let them. It’s the second week of the tour and he’s almost run out of easy ways to entertain the twins, has let them watch more YouTube than he is proud of and begins to wonder how anyone thought it was a good idea to bring them on tour (he forgets this every night when he shares a double bed with them and wakes up to them cuddled into him like a giant teddy bear). His silence comes when they are napping in his and Brooke’s respective bus bunks one afternoon, the two men happily drinking their coffees and doing absolutely nothing at all.
“You do know they’ll all help if you let them,” points out Brooke, after a while. He vaguely gestures to their sisters, lounging around the bus in various states of disarray. The shorter man just shrugs and sips his coffee.
“They’re my kids,” he says after a while. “I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.” He states it like it’s fact, like it’s at all a justification - it’s not, as far as Brooke is concerned.
“Yes,” he formulates carefully, “but we’d rather hang out with the tiny humans than be annoyed with them?”
Vanessa sighs - for not the first time in their fractured relationship, the older man is right.
So he lets people help. After their nap, Nina takes the twins into the venue with her - plays ‘Drag Is Magic’ over the loudspeakers while everything is set up around them. The shorter man watches proudly from the balcony as his kids dance to his spelling bee song, yelling the lyrics to the whole album after a couple of shows. It becomes a routine, and then afterwards, Vanessa pulls out some healthy snacks and they sit on their laps as Uncle Nina and their Papa discuss the political state of America.
Michelle walks in on this one day, the adults’ legs dangling off the stage as Allie and Noah shovel watermelon into their mouths. She looks on in pride as she sees a young man she knew could do great things, transform in front of her eyes into someone special.
On the afternoon of the Chicago show, Vanessa comes back from his rehearsal to find Scarlet performing a fashion show with the twins, Noah twirling around in Yvie’s yellow kaftan as the respective queen watch on in hysterics. The small boy is drowning in the floaty material and almost falls twice as Yvie keeps catching him. Allie’s dark hair holds a denim mane (that, in turn, is being held just above her head by Scarlet so that it doesn’t fall off). He pauses at the door for a second or two, takes in the couple as they play around with his kiddos - ‘Sissy that Walk’ blasting through a wireless speaker as they prance like lunatics.
“You two are gonna make great dads,” he teases when the song stops, winking at the men as he hoists Allie onto his hip.
Scarlet holds two fingers up in a suck-it motion and Yvie cackles loudly, as she attempts to remove her outfit from the bouncing little boy. Once she succeeds, she ruffles his hair triumphantly before leading him to the door.
“It’s been a pleasure, Vanj,” she says as Scarlet loops an arm around her waist.
“Yeah, they can bask in my excellence anytime,” adds the other queen, deadpan.
“Yeah, right bitch,” retorts Vanessa, covering Noah’s ears as Allie snuggles further into his hoodie. “Thanks though.”
Noah waves as they leave the dressing room, returning to the safe haven of his and Brooke’s where there are blankets on the chairs, toys on the floor and most importantly, Uncle Brooke.
*
Brooke promises to teach Noah ballet after Vanessa had a wine-fuelled rant about how ‘that boy is so fucking clumsy I swear he’s gonna give his Papa a heart attack, holy Jesus’. He sits in an empty dressing room with the kid and holds his waist while he gets him to point one foot. He might be four but he’s a quick learner and pretty soon the man has him in a nice first position. Calmer than his sister, Noah has a special place in Brooke’s heart - always considering him as taking after him more so than his Papa. They take a break after ten minutes and the boy snuggles into the Canadian’s side, warm body on cool shirt - his dark hair soft on his arm.
He takes him out for pizza afterwards, his treat (Allie and Vanessa went to a pop-up mini hip hop class so Brooke has free control). He wipes the sauce from the boy’s mouth, cuts up the pizza into smaller pieces for him and, not for the first time, feels like this is his son. It stings a little, knowing he could have had this, but resuming his place as favourite uncle helped clean over the wound a little.
On their way out, Brooke sits Noah on his shoulders, tiny hands curling into his hair. A woman bumps his arm,
“Your son is adorable,” she says and while it’s surely meant kindly it feels like someone poured a glass of ice water down his back. He nods politely, Canadian coolness running over him as he moves past.
“Papa!” calls Noah from atop his shoulders and he stops with a start. He takes a deep breath, followed by a heavy swallow before the boy speaks again.
“BrookeBrooke!” the man swings the boy around so his legs are around his waist.
“Yes, honey?” he responds eyes all warmth and kindness and furlongs of love.
“I can see Papa!”
The man swings Noah back onto his shoulders before looking around curiously. Sure enough, coming towards them from across the street are Vanessa and Allie, smiling like Cheshire cats. He raises an eyebrow but it doesn’t stop the smirk developing on his face.
With practised ease, Vanessa gently pulls Noah off Brooke’s shoulders while Brooke swings Allie onto his back. “Heya, Baby Girl,” he coos as she wraps her short arms around his neck. The warm caramel of her skin a contrast against his own Canadian pale.
He gives a familiar nod to the other man, “Hey, boo,” and they return to the theatre in easy silence. Nothing needs to be said that they both don’t already know - he can’t tell if it’s better that way.
*
They all go for a cast dinner. Ariel does the kids’ hair so that Vanessa can get ready in quiet for once but he misses the sound of them. He stands in his hotel room bathroom but cannot help the overwhelming emptiness he feels. Every noise he makes feels like it carries on forever - endless within the confines of the small room. He keeps flicking his eyes up to the mirror out of habit, watches the bed in the reflection like it is going to jump at him. He’s so distracted that he cuts himself shaving, feels the blood dripping down his neck before he refocuses enough to look. He moves to Ariel’s bathroom instead.
When he gets there, he hears a familiar Canadian voice through the door.
“I must save you, prince Noah!” comes the enthusiastic cry, followed by squeals of laughter.
“It’s Queen Noah,” his son replies, diving comically onto the double bed as Vanessa opens the door.
Allie and Ariel watch as the queen tries to coerce his daughter’s hair into a braid of some sorts - the look of concentration is comical as Allie keeps laughing at Brooke’s antics. He smiles, a contented smile and moves through to the bathroom, finishes getting ready in something close to peace (but loud and annoying and full of so much joy).
*
After the meal, Brooke and a couple of the others head to a nearby bar. He flirts recklessly with different men for a few hours, downing whatever shots they buy him and dances till his feet hurt. It doesn’t quite feel right, but it’s okay - he’s content.
Or at least he thinks he is as he turns around from a particularly attractive Puerto Rican man to see Yvie and Scarlet waving frantically at him from the bar. He mutters an apology and leaves a neat kiss on the man’s cheek before wandering over there. He’s three tequilas down and doesn’t particularly care but they’re looking at him and not each other so he assumes something must be wrong.
Something is.
They show him Scarlet’s phone (which he cannot read right now) and shout things at him that he loses the meaning of the second he hears ‘Noah’ and ‘hospital’.
He’s always thought it was a cliché when people in movies say that time stands still. Never really been impressed by the shots of the flashing lights and muffled screams, but this? This feels like a car crash in slow-motion, two trains going off the rails, a hurricane with no preparation, a fireball fired at a wooden house. It is plummeting down a hill with no pedals, no handlebars, just falling - it is too scary to be flying.
Yvie offers to drive - knows that if she doesn’t, Brooke will try and he is infinitely too drunk to do that. She gets them to the ER significantly quicker than their satnav tells them they will - cuts corners, runs a red light or two but Brooke cannot find it within him to care (Scarlet enjoys it way too much).
When they arrive, the Canadian jumps out of the car with a fervour, runs headlong into the building, grabbing onto the reception desk as he stops.
“Hi, sorry,” he heaves, partially nerves, fully out of breath from the cardio. “Noah Mateo?”
The woman sighs with disinterested boredom. “Yes, waiting room.” she says, gesturing vaguely to the open seating behind him. He turns, eyes scanning frantically, trying to locate him.
They lock eyes, Brooke racing over and pulling the shorter man into a hug, warm and long. He pulls away every so slightly before pushing his nose into the other man’s hair and inhaling deeply the smell of his cologne.
“I’m so- I’m sorry, baby,” he mutters, muffled by Vanessa’s hair. He exhales but pulls him in tighter, arms winding around him as his tears wet his white button down. They pull apart so that Vanessa can blow his nose and Brooke immediately turns on his heels to face the little girl. She’s sitting on one of the hard plastic chairs, tear tracks down her face as A’keria runs her hand through the braid Ariel had done so nicely. He kneels in front of her, takes each small hand in his.
“Allie,” he says, long, drawn out and soft. “Baby.”
She surges forwards to hug him, her petite body barely the length of his torso and he holds her close as he stands up,her head tucked into the crook of his neck. Vanessa loops an arm around his waist and leans into him for support - they must look quite like a family, he supposes blankly.
“What happened?” He asks, quiet but serious, as he thumbs Allie’s back.
“Peanuts, apparently - the woman was real mean.”
Brooke tilts his head a little, curious.
“They were on at me ‘cause I should’ve known ‘parently.” He sniffles a bit, head resting on Brooke’s heaving chest. He decides he never wants to let him go.
It’s funny, he later recalls, how emergencies bring you back to the truth. How one awful thing can reset you a little, till you see good things.
“Noah Mateo?” a nurse calls.
The entire cast stands bolt upright as Vanessa steps out of Brooke’s grasp.
“Uhuh,” he says, hoarsely.
“Two people, come with me.”
The shorter man tugs at Brooke’s arm, an invitation of sorts, as Silky unlatches Allie from him. He allows himself to be pulled through the waiting room, not looking at the rest of the families in distress, not wanting to imagine that could’ve been them. Vanessa intertwines their fingers and he squeezes his hand tightly. It’s an “okay”, a “this is going to be alright”, an “I’m here.”
The woman shows them through to a small room where Noah is on a drip; there are not as many tubes as Brooke thought there would be, and he’s so very glad, but even seeing the boy look so small - it hurts in a way he didn’t realise it could. Vanessa’s grip loosens as he breaks away, moving to grip his son’s hand fiercely. He can hear his soft murmurs as Brooke takes the opposite chair, stroking the boy’s arm.
“Por Dios. Por Dios. Por Dios.”
“I’m gonna have to make you some arroz con dulce when we get home, baby.”
The shorter man looks up at him and smiles. It’s tired, like all his energy has been removed and he’s running on coffee for the third day, but he feels the warmth in it nonetheless.
“I’m grateful you came, Brock.”
As he looks into Vanessa’s eyes, wind meeting earth, he knows there is no place he’d rather be.
*
They don’t discuss it until three days later when they are back in LA and the kids are at A’keria’s with Silky. Vanessa would be lying if he said that that assuaged all of his fears of leaving his kids alone, but it certainly saved some of them.
Brooke comes over and they drink wine on his couch watching ’Pretty Woman’ and discussing nothing and everything all at once. Vanessa cries at the ending (as he had every time he’s made Brooke watch it) and the taller man hands him a tissue before the tears start rolling. He smiles a wet smile and shuffles a little, so his legs touch the other man’s. As the end credits roll, he mutes the TV, facing Brooke head on.
“We, we should talk ‘bout this,” he says, calm and collected.
Brooke sits up straighter, back cracking as he moves to be more comfortable.
“Yeah,” he drawls slightly.
Vanessa nods at him to continue.
“I know we had our issues, but-but I love these kids. And I want to be here for them.”
“I don’t think I’m seeing your point,” responds the Puerto Rican - he is, but he needs him to say it.
“I want this. I want us.”
“How do I know you ‘ain’t just gonna leave again? How, Brock?”
The other man hesitates and Vanessa keeps talking.
“There are kids involved now, I need you to understand this shit.”
“I know,” the Canadian concedes. “You better believe I will protect those kids with my life.”
“That’s not the point though. What’s different now?” This stumps Brooke as the other man gets more and more frustrated. He’s tired and upset and wants this more than anything but there is more on the line than a title and some money. There is life - human life filled with blood and flesh and emotions and love and he can’t just offer that up as collateral.
Brooke reaches out across the invisible canyon that spans the sofa, grabs his hand in an oblivion that he doesn’t quite know how to talk his way through.
“My mama always taught me not to make promises I can’t keep,” and Vanessa’s heart breaks a little.
“But I promise those kids will be my priority until the day I fucking die.”
Vanessa hums a little, his face a mix between unhappy acceptance and overwhelmed. He’s been watching Brooke through this, hopeful but always a little cautious. His heart is telling him to jump this man’s bones run to Brooke, to hold on and never let go. But his head has reservations.
Brooke can sense the apprehension from miles off, smells it like a wolf sniffing out its prey. He wants to hold him and promise the world but he’s already done that - those kids are his world.
“Whatever freedom I have doesn’t compare to how I feel when I’m with you, José, and if I can’t have that, I don’t want anyone.”
It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back, the boulder that sets off the avalanche, as Vanessa surges forward to wrap his arms around his neck, pushing Brooke’s back into the cushions of the sofa.
“I would have taken you back at the promise,” he mutters, smiling into his neck.
“I would have waffled until the end of time,” replies the other man, a grin adorning his face. It suits him, Vanessa decides as he pulls back.
“FUCK, SHIT, FUCK!” he exclaims suddenly. “WE NEED TO PICK UP THE KIDS.”
The inclusion of ‘we’ doesn’t go unnoticed as Brooke dies laughing on the couch, the man’s sudden change of mood utterly hilarious to him.
“HURRY YOUR ASS UP, BROCK, OR THERE WILL BE NO COOKIES.”
*
They arrive at A’keria’s stressed and tired, LA traffic still too much for the both of them. When Silky opens the door (with a raised eyebrow at the pair who look on sheepishly), the twins rush out to meet them. It’s late, and Vanessa should be mad that they’re not asleep but as he watches them tackle Brooke to the ground - he realises he doesn’t care.
#rpdr fanfiction#brooke lynn hytes#vanessa vanjie mateo#nina west#yvie oddly#scarlet envy#ariel versace#branjie#scyvie#s11#fluff#hurt/comfort#parenting au#if we have eachother#pinkgrapefruit#dad!vanjie#concrit welcome#submission#canon compliant
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Know you more (Bucky Barnes x plus size reader)
Know you more
Summary: From the moment you met Bucky Barnes you’ve want to get to know him. So what happens when a little game of twenty questions that he doesn’t know you’re playing becomes something more?
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Plus size Reader
Characters: Reader, Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers (mentioned) Peggy Carter (mentioned), Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton,
Setting: future but they still have a place in Stark now Avengers tower in New York.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None just fluff
Word count: 2,336
Notes: Part of this story is a anon request I received, the second part of inspired by @promarvelfangirl 2K Fall follower celebration #pmfgk2. Hope everyone enjoys and as always feedback is always welcome and appreciated.
Tags: let me know by ask or message if you want on or off the list.
Forever: @winters-buck @angryschnauzer @feelmyroarrrr @aquabrie @fandommaniacx @thetalesofmooseandsquirrel @supernaturallymarvellous @ginasmith @marvel-lucy
Marvel: @sebbytrash @ek823 @melconnor2007 @kanupps06 @badassbaker @geekyweed @creideamhgradochas
Bucky Barnes: @nerdyandproud9 @reniescarlett
Know you more: @ggrubi @secondsandstars @of-iron-and-ink @jasmineladjevardi @peter-pan-hoe @vintage-switch @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn @flerghfood @modestlyconfused @ ashleydivine
“Hey Bucky,” seeing him look up at you, “Coffee or tea?”
Brow raised thinking at first that you’re trying to be a smart ass but seeing the genuine interest on your face, “Both just depend on what I’m in the mood for. Why?
“No reason just wanted to know is all,” giving him a bright smile while turning back to making your own tea.
Shaking his head a half smile finds its way onto his face. Sure it’s been years since the programing Hydra put in his mind, their way to destroy humanity and reshape it as they see fit, was taken out and he’s rejoined the world sorta speak. Though there are times when he still feels like he doesn’t fit in, never will, even with the pardon and his POW status granted to him. Bucky finds this world a little jarring at times and much like Steve he feels like a man out of time. He tries to blend in, to move forward, and get to know people other than the Avenger’s like you for example. However, he always finds himself staring, trying to think of just what to talk to you about and always falling just a touch short of the right words.
Looking up, catching you staring at him, “Something on my face?”
“Or take a picture of his ugly mug it’ll last longer sweetheart,” Sam replies first coming into the kitchen dripping with sweat from his early morning run. Sticking his head into the refrigerator for a bottle of water and an apple; turning to lean against the counter munching on the apple, looking between you and Bucky.
Rolling your eyes, “No Bucky nothing’s on your face,” standing you glance over at Sam, “But you better get yours looked at,” Bucky’s laughter is music to your ears as you leave.
“Laugh it up metal man,” Sam snarks back which is the last words you hear before getting out of hearing range.
Ever since joining the med team at Avenger’s Compound two years ago you’ve wanted to get to know the former Winter Soldier. Sure you read everything you could about the man in question, watched the trial they put him through giving him a pardon when all was said and done. Always wanting to know the man behind the name and not what the press or tabloids try to sell. Kind with a side of self-loathing, most of the time quiet only talking to the other Avenger’s mostly Steve. You could tell he’s trying to get his baring’s in this world were one half still wants him dead the other hounding him for a full story. You’re stuck in the middle just wanting to get to know the man on a deeper level.
That’s when you came up with the idea of random 20 questions at times when he doesn’t know you’re asking. Truth be told you’d had a crush on the man ever since meeting him but told yourself he wouldn’t think of you as anything more than a friend, which you’ve accepted now.
Getting back to your room three floors up and flopping onto the bed thankful it’s your day off, you ponder what to do with yourself.
Midafternoon hunger has you emerging from a short nap, having fallen asleep while reading a book. Finding the kitchen empty you lean against it thinking on what to make.
“FRIDAY?”
“Yes Ms. Y/L/N,” soft Irish lilt answered your call.
“Is there anyone else home this afternoon?”
“Teams 3 and 6 as well as Ms. Romanoff, Mr. Barton, and Mr. Barnes ma'am.”
“Thank you FRIDAY,” still leaning forward onto the island tummy rambling.
“Better get that monster fed kid sounds likes your starvin’ it,” Clint jokes walking in right at that moment.
Rolling your eyes, “You so funny Barton,” comes the snarky reply turning to face him. “What you hungry on?”
Pausing to think, “Sandwich is fine with me.”
“We cookin’ lunch or going out?” Natasha asked making her presence known by coming in and hoping on top of the counter beside you.
Making a face, “I’m kinda tired of fast food,” you answer stepping away from the counter to look into the refrigerator. “It’ll take an hour but I could make semi homemade spaghetti?”
“A favorite of mine,” Bucky exclaimed quietly from your left. “Can I help?
Smiling, voice stuttering a bit, “I’d like that Buck,” turning your attention back to the fridge pulling out various items. ‘When did I start calling him Buck?’ you ask yourself but shake it off he’s a friend right?
“I know this perfect little place that has the best bread this side of the Brooklyn Bridge. You two work on lunch while Clint and I go pick that up,” Natasha announces taking Clint’s arm and pulling him from the room.
“Grab some red wine while you’re out,” you call but figure they were already too far down the hall to be heard.
Getting to the elevator Clint stops, “Why have we volunteered to get bread of all things?” he studies her closely, shaking his head. “No Nat come on you know how well this turned out with Steve when will you stop trying to set people up?”
Smirking, “I just know something have no fear and trust me for once. You know you use to do that.”
“Still do just not with your match making skills is all,” he tossed back getting into the elevator beside her.
Meanwhile Bucky busied himself with pulling pots and pans out a little unsure of what he got himself into. Even while looking over at you, seeing the way your shirt clung to your curves, Y/H/C hair hanging loose for once to fall down your back. Shaking his head and looking away so you don’t catch him staring this time.
“Hey Buck you have a favorite color?” pulling the ground meat from the fridge, starting to unpack it for the frying pan. You look over your shoulder at him seeing he’s getting water in a big pot.
Looking back at you, “Not really though I seem to wear dark colors mostly so that.”
An adorable half shrug from him makes you smile while your heart flutters, “Well mines blue, like your eyes,” you add in a whisper praying he hasn’t heard you.
Silence fell between the two of you as Bucky watched you work pulling cans of tomatoes and sauce along with a few tubes of tomato paste. Different seasoning, fresh garlic, mushrooms all get chopped and added as your oblivious to the fact that he’s watching your every move.
“What about music? Did you have any favorites from back in the day?” you’ve turned to catch him staring but brush it off. “And now is there anything you really like?”
Thinking as he takes the pot to the stove brushing your arm that sends tingles through his body at the mire contact. “Well The Andrew Sisters were really good and anything you could dance to. As for now I haven’t really listened too much of today’s music,” he answers sheepishly rubbing at the back of his neck.
“FRIDAY could you play my oldies play list please,” you call out seeing the confused look on Bucky’s face. “When I was growing up mom use to listen to all the big stars, Elvis, The Beach boys, The Temptations, she got me hooked on music at a very early age. I’ll have you listening to everything new before you know it.”
Right then Elvis’s Jail house rock started to play and feeling bold you took Bucky’s hand and started dancing with him not caring that places on you were moving with they shouldn’t or that your wide hips were bumping his right then. Especially when he wrapped his arms around your thick waist and spun you around the kitchen a few times; your laughter warming his heart like nothing ever had. In that second he realized he wanted to get to know you better.
Breathless from laughing you pat Bucky’s arm to stop which he does holding you close, “Thank you soldier for that wonderful dance,” you bow as the next song starts but lunch still needed to be cooked. “Could you grab some parsley from the cabinet please?
“Course doll,” stepping over to the cabinet you’d been in, he searched for what you asked finding it all the way in the back. Turning to give it to you not expecting you to be almost right on top of him having come to grab the oregano the impact sending your backwards.
Eyes closed in preparation for the impact of the hard floor. That never came as a pair of strong arms shooting out quicker than a blink to grab and pull you close, “You okay?”
“My hero,” feeling your cheeks heat with a deep blush. “I should be asking you that question Bucky I did hit you pretty hard.”
“Nonsense barely felt it,” he smiles shaking the little bottle of parsley between you.
Taking the bottle, grabbing the oregano as well trying to forget how good it felt to be held, another question popping into mind, “Favorite sweet?”
“There’s this little diner down in Brooklyn that makes the best homemade pies and ice cream shakes. Surprisingly enough their still around after all these years, I’ll have to take you there sometime if you want?”
Looking up at him, “I’d like that.”
Nodding already making plans in his head part of him thinking it might be foolish to hope to much that most likely you were just being nice in saying you’d go. However, the other part of him held onto that hope with both hands.
Having drained the meat and added it to the sauce, you grabbed a small spoon, dipped it in then held it out for Bucky to taste, “Careful now don’t burn yourself.”
Blowing a few times before tasting, savoring the wonderful flavors of the sauce, “That’s fantastic Y/N. Where’d you learn to cook like that?”
“Mom, she wanted me to be able take care of myself and that included cooking which I love to do and to eat as well.”
“Absolutely nothing wrong with that doll,” he winks making your laugh a little and smack his arm.
Shaking your head, “Why don’t you have a girl Buck you’re an amazing guy any girl would be crazy not to want?” ducking your head having no idea where that question came from or why you even asked it. Giving the fact that it wasn’t a part of the list you had running through your head to ask.
“Haven’t found the right partner,” remembering when Peggy had told him those very same words while looking at Steve. He’s starting to get what she meant by them while looking at you.
Your eyes have locked and held only to break apart when bubbling reaches your ears and have to turn breaking the spell.
“You will just a matter of time,” the comment leaves your lips tasting a little bitter on your tongue wishing for that person to be you. “Besides spaghetti is there anything else you really like?”
Catching on Bucky turns to lean against the counter an idea forming in his mind, “Homemade mostly, meatloaf, Salisbury steak, mash potatoes that sorta thing.”
“Comfort foods,” you offer glancing over at him seeing the slow nod. “Favorite movie?”
Shrugging, “Not really haven’t seen anything worth watch more than once. You?
Gasping, putting your hand to your chest, “That’s because you’re watching the wrong movies Mr. Barnes as for mine that would be a hard thing to pick from; I have so many.”
“Would you share them with me?” eyes hopeful as you look up at him.
Biting your bottom lip, “Of course I would Buck that’s what friends do they share their favorite things.”
Cursing himself for not explaining he just nods, “Favorite candy?”
“Oh there are so many to choose from, but for movie nights that would have to be Y/F/C and popcorn of course. You?”
“Junior mints, caramel popcorn and a soda it’s something Steve got me hooked on after my pardon and I could go places other than missions and the Compound.”
Placing a hand on his arm you look up into his steal blue eyes, “It’s good all that stuff is behind you now you can look towards the future.”
“Would you go to a fall festival with me?” not sure why he’s chose this moment to ask; maybe it’s the way you’re looking at him or the hand on his arm. Perhaps a combination of both but the words are out now and frankly he didn’t want to take them back.
Shock is the first thing that’s presence, then a little bit of denial mixed with worry that he’s just asking as a friend, “Would this and I don’t mean to sound pushy but I rather make sure first off, but will this be a date or just two friends having a good time. Because I haven’t been to a festival of any kind in a long time,” you ramble for a moment till his smile makes you stop. “What is there something on my face?
“No its perfect and it would be a date Y/N unless you don’t want that?”
Smacking his arm returning the smile, “Sweet talker.” You could see the worry creeping into his eyes so you put the man out of his misery, “I’d love to go with you Buck.”
***********
I’d been three weeks since he’d asked you, since that time you’ve both learned a lot about each other. Still played your little game wish Bucky confused him catch onto rather early and now here you were, stuffed with festival food, laughing and cuddled close against the cooler weather.
“One more question for you Y/N,” seeing you nod he smiles. “Would you be my girl?”
Grinning, “I’d love to be James,” his full name rolling off your tongue as his lips capture yours in a soft sweet kiss that steals you breath.
#pmfgk2#bucky barnes x plus sized reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky x plus size reader#bucky x you#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes fan fiction
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"In Spanish, querencia describes a place where one feels safe, a place from which one's strength of character is drawn, a place where one feels at home. It comes from the verb querer which means to desire, to want."
Georgia Heard Writing Toward Home
Anyone who knows me as more than just an acquaintance or classmate could tell you themselves what my querencia is. It's the river, or the Tennessee River to be specific. I say anyone could tell you because it's a huge part of my life and hard to ignore. I talk about it often and spend most weekends there when the weather is warm.
See as long as I can remember the river has been a part of my family's life. I was born and raised in the emerald color water, which often reflects the trees and sky perfectly. Nature's mirror. Throughout everything that changes in my life, moving homes, switching schools, a bad break up, losing friends, or life's stresses, the river has always been a constant. My escape. It's a place I have attempted to write about several times before but always end up disappointed. No matter how much I try, I struggle with finding the words to describe a place so close to my heart. It's more than just the place itself, its the lifetime of memories accumulated at this place. It's the laughs, the lessons, the late nights, and early mornings that were all lived here. The average person looking at the pictures above might see a rough riverbank lacking a beach, a messy dock, and a crowded lot with a trailer and a shed resting on it.
I see so much more.
When I look at that dock I feel the waves rocking it. I hear the water lapping underneath the wooden planks as a random boat pulls screaming kids on an inter-tube. I think about running down that ramp after supper, grabbing my life jacket off the rail and leaping into our own boat to get one last wakeboard ride before sundown. As we ride down the river, I anticipate searching for that particular dock because upon it sits my grandparents cheering and taking pictures as one of my cousins learns to ski for the first time.
What most people see as a trailer, I see as a home away from home. A place that for so many summer nights has slept me and nine other family members. After spending a long day in the hot sun, its a cool escape into air conditioning and bunk beds. I think about falling asleep listening to my Dad watching a baseball game or my five-year-old cousin watching "Caillou" as she falls asleep. I remember the first time we all slept in the camper together and how rich we felt no longer having to pitch a tent or use the pop-up-camper. Little did we know, years later would bring us another upgrade, "the shed," yet, which is actually a bunkhouse my grandparents drew the blueprints for and built themselves, for their growing family to sleep in and invite guests.
Every morning as I wake up and make my way outside I'm immediately met with the smell of sizzling bacon on the griddle, coffee brewing, and my family sitting around a dying fire. Shortly after breakfast, you’ll more than likely be asked “do you have your bathing suit on?” or “whose ready to hit it?” This means you better be dressed and ready by the time Dad’s pulling the boat away from the dock.
A day on the water looks kind of like this: riding down to the marina for gas and ice cream, swimming as we cool our roasting bodies in the cool water, finding a shady spot on a bank with a rope swing, and hearing “who’s next” whenever someone is done skiing. By late afternoon we’re all worn out and ready for a break from the sun, so we gather under the big tree back at the lot while we snack on ChexMix and Pimina and Cheese sandwiches. Some will fall asleep in the hammock, while others result in playing corn hole, riding bikes, or firing up the grill for supper.
See my querencia is more than just the physical location of the river, its all the sights, smells, feelings, family, and memories that come with it. Its where i grew up. At the end of the day when we’re all gathered around the fire, roasting marshmallows, laughing about the past, and planning for the future, there's no other place I’d rather be!
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Week 8: in which we get rained on a lot and drop into NZ for the weekend
The week started...pretty grey and cold. We had a day to explore Alpine National Park, which thankfully has a lot of its big views visible from the car because it wasn’t very inspiring to get out of it. What all the tourism brochures neglected to mention about Alpine National Park (and in fact all of the Snowy Mountains region) is that there was a huge forest fire in 2003. This is part of the ecosystem etc, but it leaves a lot of Mountain Ash corpses sticking up, bleached white, above the brush. That plus the thick, grey cloud diminished the beauty of the view somewhat.
This was also the only time we’ve been at significant altitude in Australia. This meant snow (moderately exciting) but also high winds, which meant getting out even briefly at the viewpoints was somewhat unpleasant.
Since it was not actively raining when we reached the top, we decided to go on a walk from the weirdly named town of Dinner Plain. The walk was also fairly weirdly named; A Room with A View. The first thing we viewed was an enormous black snake, that was waiting patiently to cross the path in front of us. This was a bit surprising as there were patches of snow still around in the mountains and my limited understanding of snake biology is that they don’t like the cold. This one seemed pretty happy though. We think it was a red-bellied black snake, which is venomous, but only in a probably lifetime of miserable health complications after an ITU stay, rather than an instant death way like most Australian snakes.
The path was also really badly signed so we were quite pleased to find the eventual view point. The views were pretty good and from there we realised that we had done the circular walk the wrong way (there were actually arrows on trees but you could only see them from the other side). Did make it easier to find our way back though.
Our Airbnb had a tin roof and Marcel casually commented it would be nice to have heavy rain because he liked the sound of it. He probably regretted that statement, and I definitely did, when it teemed with rain overnight. The sound on the sloping tin roof, a few feet above our head, was not dissimilar I imagine to being stuck inside a coffee grinder. Not much sleep was had.
Alpine National Park is continuous with Kosciuszko National Park, which is just over the border in New South Wales. We had booked a night there, so headed out into the relentless rain the next morning.
Now Marcel was feeling rather guilty still about his corvid murder of the week before, and saw an opportunity to redeem himself. The rain had brought out a number of eastern long-necked turtles into the road, and every time we saw one Marcel would stop the car, turn around, drive back, get out in the pouring rain and move the turtle. He was feeling pretty good about this...until he drove over a magpie that decided to pay zero attention to the oncoming car.
I have always been keen on visiting the Snowy Mountains as they are home of the silver brumby in the Silver Brumby books I loved in my childhood. Unfortunately so thick was the mist and the heavy rain that we didn’t see much of it.
Weirdly though when we descended into our town for the night, East Jindabyne, the sun appeared. We decided to try a little walk in a low area of the park called Sawpit Creek.
It was beautifully sunny and there were lots of adorable wallabies around.
Feeling optimistic about the weather we decided to head back into the park...only to find if we went even a small distance up in altitude, the thick clouds and rain began again.
We abandoned it and headed to our airbnb for the night. A proper storm came on so we could watch lightening across the lake. That and the sad face of the random cat that appeared by our screen door. Now I know cats in Australia are terrible invasive predators...but this one was super cute. So we let it inside and fed it cheese.
The next day we had hoped the weather would be better locally so we could explore the mountains. It was not. Never mind we thought, we are driving to the coast where there are some beautiful beaches, the weather must be better there so we will just enjoy them for the day. The forecast for there was also teeming rain.
So in utter desperation for something to do to fill the rainy day...we headed for Canberra. Now Canberra is not the world’s most exciting capital. The National Museum there is pretty decent though. We ignored the opportunity to pay to see the visiting exhibit featuring “treasures of the British Museum” and instead went to the free galleries. Which whilst not particularly cohesive on the history of Australia featured cool things like a mummified Tasmanian Tiger head, a collection of glass eyes and spear heads made from wine bottles. It passed the afternoon well.
Fortunately the next day dawned gorgeous. After a week of pretty much solid rain it was blue skies and sunshine all around. Unfortunately we only had one hour to look at the best of the local beaches in Jervis Bay (we picked Hyams) before we had to head to Sydney.
After a run in with an annoying question talking parking warden, we finally made our way to Esther’s flat, dumped what must have been an alarming amount of stuff at hers and dropped our filthy car back at the airport (sorry Hertz).
We then headed back into town. Earlier in the day I’d been talking with Marcel about how Australia was fine for a visit but I didn’t like the population’s right-leaning stance and casual racism. He said he didn’t think they were that racist. As we walked by the harbour bridge through the botanical gardens, we found ourselves calling the police as a man screamed racist abuse at non-white tourists, spat in their faces and hit one of them. No joy there in being right. Also the police were extremely tardy on bothering to turn up despite the fact that area of town must have had a lot. Despite this we enjoyed a lovely dinner with Esther before heading back out to the airport for a night in an airport hotel.
The reasoning for this was that whilst we were in this part of the world we might as well “pop” to New Zealand. It is a 3 hour flight from Sydney to Auckland, but that is a lot fewer hours than it is from London and it is a lot cheaper.
So on Friday we headed off to New Zealand. After the customary lengthily grilling at the flight counter about onward flights (really tempted to ask how often people, with hand luggage only, who are citizens of a rainy island with so-so social benefits, illegally emigrate to other rainy islands with so-so social benefits) we headed off.
We arrived to find… it starting to rain. Luckily it held off for a bit that evening so that we could go to a night market and stuff ourselves full of weird food including bubble waffles with our hosts Anita and Pete.
The next morning it woke up...beautifully sunny. Which was unsettling as this is NZ and it likes to rain on us in NZ. I did however remember that New Zealand sun= basically like shoving your body into fire and slathered myself with factor 50 before heading out. We meandered in the warm sun down to a market for breakfast, on to a chapel on top of a hill (never realised before how hilly Auckland is. Too hilly is my brief conclusion) and then after meeting up with Kate, we wandered slowly along the sea front, stopping for drinks, before we got to a Breton galette place about 10km down the shore.
After stuffing ourselves, we waddled slowly back home. To find that no matter how thickly you slather on the suncream, NZ sun finds some way to chargrill you, and my forehead and patches around my neckline were pretty much maroon.
The next day we’d planned to go to a place called Piha beach. The weather forecast suggest it would be cloudy but wouldn’t rain there until the mid-afternoon. We had brunch. The sky gloomed ominously. We headed to the beach. It started to spit cold rain into our faces pretty much the second we arrived. I would have thought this was our standard NZ curse, but this was the second time the exact same thing had happened to Anita, so I think she was our Jonah of that trip.
When we got back to Auckland, Marcel and I decided to head over to Devonport, a little village suburb of Auckland that you can get to by ferry. We confirmed our suspicions that Anita was definitely the jinxed one when we enjoyed lovely sunshine all afternoon whilst a dark cloud glowered over Auckland.
In the evening, reunited, we headed out for Mexican, and then to an ice cream store called Giapo that did weird flavours. Now I thought you’d just go in and order your weird ice cream. But no. Instead you are admitted in your pair/group/alone to stand around a small table, whilst a server brings out a selection of their favourite ice creams for you to try and discusses each one. I imagine it similar to being at a wine tasting, only more socially awkward as none of us were expecting it and weren’t really sure how to praise ice cream in an appropriate manner. I did ended up going for one of the ones our server had introduced but I hadn’t thought of, guacemole with strawberries. The ice cream was delicious. The corn nacho crumb that it was coated in I was less keen on.
We ended up finishing the night (and the week) watching The Meg, a gloriously terrible Jason Statham shark movie, whilst all shouting at the screen. Hilarious fun and reminded me of long-ago weekends down in Dorset.
Ways I thought I might die in Australia this week: fairly minimal as the rain prevented us leaving the car much. Perhaps just an apoplexy of wrath from the rain refusing to shut up as it banged down on our tin roof earlier this week. Oh and falling off a steep mountain pass in our car. And getting bitten by a surprisingly cold-tolerant snake.
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Euro tour and more
So this is going to be a long blog update - probably my longest of the year as I have so so much to write! So recently i went on the long awaited Euro tour which I have been counting down the days for ever since I left ski camp! Everyday I wrote a journal entry of what I had been up too, which has come in very handy when writing this blog update as the last three weeks have been so full on and busy that its hard to keep track of what happened when! Sooo without much more, heres the account of Euro tour - the best month of my life.
So at the start of May I woke up suuper early with my bags already packed and headed to the bus stop where I caught the bus to the train station in my town. It was on the train I met up with some of my friends Pedro, Ale and Ivana, then later on Olivia, Gui, Manuela and Sequoia. We took two trains together to Linz haupt bahnhoff and it was there we met up with everyone else! It was so good too see everyone again and meet all the oldies I hadn’t already met yet plus the Bosnian and Croatian exchange students who would be joining us for the trip! It was cool to everybody again after being apart for so long and the train station was absolutely buzzing with 100+ bags, blazers and suitcases and 80+ exchange students all gathering in a frenzy of hugs and happiness! After all the meets and greets, we then loaded the trailer with all our gear and boarded the huge double decker bus that would become our main home and transport for the next few weeks. We traveled through Germany before hitting France and I was super shocked to see how quickly the language and culture changed just from crossing one river (the border). It also made me realise actually how much German I could understand and speak, going from a country where I could say and understand enough to get by in everyday life, to a country where I didn’t even know how to say thank you.
Strasbourg
Our first stop was Strasbourg! We arrived in our hotel in the afternoon, unpacked our rooms and had a few hours to explore the city before heading to the restaurant for dinner and then roaming the city under the streetlights in the dark for a few hours afterwards, trying not to get lost before curfew. The next day we had a great traditional french breakfast of croissants, apple sauce, french bread and pancakes before heading to the bus stop and then being taken on a tour in the bus through the city of Strasbourg. I could have sworn this city was something straight out of Harry Potter as every church, street or building we passed looked like Hogwarts or Diagon Alley. After the tour we had 7 hours free time to explore the city! This was spent going in the Notre Dame cathedral - Strasbourgs oldest (and prettiest) cathedral, eating escargott (snails), playing frisbee in the town square and almost breaking a shop window, exploring the city and just being typical tourists. That night we went out to the restaurant for abend essen then were given some extra free time after dinner to explore the city even further at night. We got lost for about an hour that night trying to find the right hotel but nevertheless it was fun trying to navigate our way home, especially as we were all without internet and google maps which made it even more interesting. How we eventually found our way back I’ll never know.
Lyon
Stop two took us to Lyon, another beautiful city in France! Compared to Strasbourg, Lyon was more of a modern city with huge skyscrapers and buildings. Here we got the whole afternoon as free time to do whatever we wanted so I spent it with my friend Roni trying to figure out ways to get to the top of the skyscrapers for a view of the city, and exploring all the shops. We didn’t manage to get to the top of any of the buildings as we got kicked out before we even got to the second storey but it was fun trying. Lyon is a huge city though with so many people! Then with me being blonde, we walked back to the hotel as I thought dinner was at 6 (turns out it was at 7) so with an hour to spare we asked the hotel receptionist what she reccomended we do, which lead us to the trainstation in search of the zoo! French trains are super different to the Austrian system so we had to stop and ask a few locals where to go but eventually we ended up on the other side of the city and at a super beautiful park type place with lots of foreign plants, ponds, trees, greenhouses and a beautiful field full of deer! There was music playing and lots of young locals hanging out in hammocks, walking ropes they had tied between two trees, yodelling and all this other cool hippie stuff which created such an amazing atmosphere. We spent about 20 minutes there before realising we were going to be late for dinner so with 10 minutes to spare, we sprinted back to the trainstation (only having to stop and ask for directions like twice), working the subway system and then running back to the hotel - still managing to be about 15 minutes late (oops). We had free time to explore the city in the dark and there were lots of cute little outdoor marque restaurants and bar type things all lit up along the river bank with music playing which was super pretty!
Avignon
Next stop was Avignon! Its a really old city with a pretty famous bridge and lots of old castle ruins and walls which were made out of cobble and brick. It looked super ancient and had me in awe with its huge amount of history. We arrived in Avignon in the morning and it was pouring down with rain! But that didn’t stop us all from hiking up lots of steps and along a wall to a cute church ontop of a hill, and then walking to a lookout point which overlooked the whole city. On one side you could see the river, bridge and countryside and on the other side you could see the city and churches. We were all soaking wet by the time we got to this lookout point but that didn’t dampen our spirits and we proceeded to walk into the city and get some famous french crepes which are just as good as they say - if not better! The weather improved as the day did as next I went exploring with some friends around the ruins and through the town which is made up of lots of cute little alleyways and shops tucked away in random corners. There was a huge carrousel in the middle of the french markets which made the whole place feel like something out of a story book! That night after dinner we came back to the same market place for some late night ice cream which just completed my day!
Eze Village - Monaco - Cavi di Lavagna
This day was probably my favourite of Euro tour! In the morning we headed off to the first stop - Eze Village! To start the morning there we were taken on a tour around a local perfume making shop! It was super interesting being shown all the different ways they make perfume and all the different ingredients you can put in the perfume - all made from locally grown flowers and herbs as the climate and landscape of Eze village is perfect for growing flowers. All the girls were also shocked to find out that Leonardo DiCaprio buys his perfume from this shop which made it even more exciting. The whole place also smelt really good as you can imagine! After this we got about an hour of free time which I spent with Roni and Dylan walking up through the mountain shops and markets to an amazing view point and trust me it nearly brought me to tears it was so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything quite like it before! So if you are reading this and you are thinking of taking a holiday in the future, trust me when I say that this is the place to go! It is worth every penny and is guaranteed not to disappoint!! It was truly what I imagined heaven looked like. Their ice creams taste like heaven as well. Many MANY photos later, we set back on the road to our next destination - Monaco! It was cool to find out that Monaco is actually its own little country and a very cool one indeed! It was clear as we arrived that you had to be extremely rich to live there, and was obvious who the tourists were and who the locals were. Monaco had a huge harbour, docked with fancy ships (it costs around $60,000 PER NIGHT to keep your ship there) and then lots of huge fancy buildings and houses. The highlight of my time in Monaco was hands down swimming in the sea for the first time since I left New Zealand. The water surprisingly wasn’t too cold and we all spent a few hours just soaking up the salt water. The crunchy beach hair was certainly welcomed! Although Monaco’s beach was a lot different from the familiar Ohope beach, and the sand was replaced with rocks and stones, I loved it! The water was so clear and there were also alot of scenic viewpoints where alot more photos were taken! The next stop after Monaco was the cute beach side city of Cavi di Lavagna where we could see the ocean from our hotel bedroom! We had dinner straight after we arrived then went out to the beach in the dark afterwards where we found a cool rock path that took us into the ocean. That night we all hung out in our hotel rooms and put facemasks on the boys which was really entertaining and funny for us but probably not so fun for them!
Cinque Terre
A 2 hour bus ride past Cavi di Lavagna lead us too the beautiful Cinque Terre! The weather was miserable in the morning with rain threats and high winds making the boat that was supposed to take us over to one of the islands unable to operate. So instead all 82 of us boarded the train which took us to a cute town with colourful houses, a pretty church and 360 degree views! It was from this town that we began a hike that lasted around 2 1/2 hours. This hike almost sent me into cardiac arrest with the majority of it being uphill and me not having done any proper exercise for about 5 months was not ready. But the struggle to breathe was worth it in the end as the views were to die for and the destination of the hike was something I’d only ever seen on the internet and was super incredible! The weather made a dramatic turn and the sun came out and the clouds all disappeared! The island we arrived on was called Vernazza and our first stop of course was the ice cream shop where we all went back for seconds - and then bought Pizza. Our excuse was that we were just trying to make the most of the Italian culture. After this we walked around the town before setting base on the rocks next to the ocean to relax. With too much excitement and a quick spontaneous decision, three of us decided to jump in the water fully clothed which gave us a few weird glances from the locals sitting on the rocks by us but it was definitely heaps of fun! The water was a lot colder than Monaco so we swam out to a buoy to keep warm and ended up just chilling there for a while before swimming back, drying off and meeting up with the others. This day was the most fun i’d had in a long time (actually thats a lie as everyday has been a lot of fun - but this day was still extremely good) and I have never laughed so much with a group of people in my life! Another Pizza and Ice cream later it was time to take the bus to our next stop - Jesolo.
Jesolo
The place we stayed in Jesolo was the best by far! Each hotel room was double storey and had an ocean view - and the ocean was absolutely incredible! Pure white sand, crystal clear waters and warm temperatures set everyone in a buzzing mood! We all rushed through dinner before running outside to the beach for a sunset swim! If I told myself this time last year that I would be swimming in the sea in Italy at sunset with people i only met 4 months ago who have now become my best friends, I would have never believed it! It was the most incredible feeling and a lot of memories were made! After the sun set and it began to get cold we all walked back to the hotel, taking half the sand on the beach with us.
Pisa - Lucca - Rome
Seeing the leaning tower of Pisa was something I’ve always dreamed of, but actually standing before it and looking at it in real life and not just through a screen was so much better than I could have ever imagined! Of course - Pisa was a huge tourist spot with so many people taking the typical Pisa photo. And because there are so many people that come through this city every day - the ice cream was super expensive... but that didn’t stop me. We spent a while there just soaking it all in and gazing in awe at our surroundings as I don’t think anybody could quite believe we were actually there. After a sad goodbye and a few final photos- we headed to Lucca- Tuscany! Lucca is a rather old city with lots of history and pretty buildings. All the buildings are pretty close together with one main square in the middle containing a huge church. The weather was really good which made exploring the city so enjoyable. That evening we headed to Rome where we would be spending the next three nights.
Okay so Rome. Holy moly where do i even begin. Rome is absolutely incredible! We arrived at night time and didn’t have any time to look around as it was super late so we went straight to the restaurant with all of our suitcases piled outside before heading back to the hotel and getting some much needed sleep. The first day we spent in Rome we all had a morning tour around the city. We took the train from the side of the city where our hotel was to the centre. I was blown away walking out of the train station and seeing the colosseum straight away! The tour lasted about two hours and was super interesting. It took us round the old colonies and view points overlooking the city. At one point me and a few friends spent a little too much time taking photos and staring at the views that we ended up loosing the tour group. Luckily about 10 minutes later we caught up with a few people and were told it was free time so we spent the rest of the day walking around the city. I spent the day with my friend Olivia where we decided not to look at our map for the whole day to “let the fun find us” - which it certainly did! At the start we thought it would be a recipe for disaster as one huge city and two little foreign girls without a map or skills to communicate with anybody could go really wrong but we took our chances and turns out we were actually pretty pro at guessing where to go! We ended up in a different country! Our adventure took us across the bridge and into Vatican city which turns out to be its own country and the smallest country in the world. So now i can say I have been to the top two smallest countries in the world - Vatican city and Monaco. This adventure was incredible and we found the best pizza restaurant (sorry if this blog post is just me talking about ice cream and pizza but if you’ve ever tried Italian pizza and ice cream then you’ll understand!) We also found a cute little square full of markets which was really cute and the very type of thing I love! And then... I found a friend from New Zealand on exchange in Germany at the moment who is on his euro tour as well. I spent four days in LA with him in January, so I was super excited about being re united! It was great catching up with him again and hearing the familiar kiwi accent! So three of us spent the rest of the day together roaming rome (haha) before saying goodbye then heading back to the hotel (i’m not gonna lie - we used the map for this). After dinner we were allowed out again to see rome in the dark. None of us really knew where we were going so a group of us stuck together and ended up in a pretty park where we saw fireflies! Us Australasians were tripping out as we had never seen them before and they looked super cool flying around in the dark, like little shooting stars. We headed back for late night ice cream before bed.
The next day we started the morning with all of the exchange students heading into the Vatican church which was unlike anything I’d ever seen before. You literally could have fit about 7321940 football stadiums, 657 olympic swimming pools and 14 zoo’s inside this one church it was so huge. Everything inside from the ceiling to the floor was so intricate and detailed the whole time I was just wondering how the heck someone could have created something so magical. Its one of those places everyone just needs to go and see for themselves as no words can describe a place like that. Then Liv and I set out on part 2 of our adventure around Rome. This time we didn’t choose to disregard the map - we lost it instead so we had no choice but to just guess where we were going. But it turned out to be another successful day as we ended up finding Trevi Fountain, another primo pizza place, a 5D dinosaur movie, some funky sunglasses and a church with a free tour in English and a dead body inside it. I threw a few coins into Trevi fountain which legend says it means that you have to come back again one day - I obviously wouldn’t mind that! Overall this day was amazing and full of so many pretty sites, adventures and lots of laughs, good food and memories! If anyone ever goes to Rome and needs two pro tour guides and navigators then give us a call and we will be happy to help :)
Montepulciano - Florence
After leaving Rome ( sad face ) we stopped off for about 5 hours in a place called Montepulciano which was super cool as it was where a few scenes in the movie Twilight were filmed (for those of you who have seen Twilight - New Moon - it was the scene where Edward went to the voultory ). This little town was so cute and did actually look like it was a village run by vampires. It has stunning views of the countryside which I sat and stared at for about an hour. Being from the country back home I do actually kind of miss green fields and paddocks. Then we got pizza for lunch (surprise?) and explored a bit more before heading off to Florence. We arrived in Florence quite late in the night so we had dinner straight away and spent a short time exploring in the city afterwards before realising we all had no clue where we were going and then calling it a night and going back to the hotel. We then packed the bus super early in the morning before walking to the edge of the city of Florence for a tour. Our tour guide was super lit. She was a 70ish year old woman who was super funny - calling us “her darlings” and swearing way too much. She was definitely the best tour guide of our trip. We saw the famous statue of David and the most beautiful church I have ever seen in my whole life with intricate details, patterns and colours all over the outside of the church as well as the inside. Florence is a city full of old statues and beautiful tall churches. Another place I would love to come back to again one day. The only thing I didn’t like about Florence was that one ice cream cost around $12.
Florence - Jesolo
Leaving Florence mid afternoon and heading to Jesolo - we stopped at a really pretty view point overlooking the whole city which was super stunning. Once arriving in Jesolo, much to our happiness we found out that our hotel was a five minute walk from the beach which meant that straight after dinner we were all running down to the water for a night swim. Music playing, people dancing and swimming and playing soccer, the night was filled with so many laughs and good times.
Venice
We took a day trip to Venice which was a day I will remember for the rest of my life! In the morning we took a 45 minute boat ride to the town. If you have read a lot of books then nothing is ever as great as you imagine. But Venice is. Venice is better. Its one of those places where no words or photographs can truly do it justice. The atmosphere, the scenery, everything about it just something you cant capture through a screen or a book. Its a place that everybody really needs to see for themselves because nothing can ever portray how incredible it really is. I spent the day there with my good pals Santi, Roni and Olivia where we took a Gondola ride through the canals of Venice. I found it super funny that all the Gondoliers were dressed in black and white stripes (it almost looked comical) and one boat even had a dog on the front of it! We then wandered round and found a navy ship museum which was incredible! There were so many boats that were suuuuuper old and some used to belong to Kings and princes and carried them from one side of the river to the other. I really enjoyed looking around and reading all the history behind the boats it was very interesting. We then met up with a few other exchange students in the main square in Venice and had a further look around before buying ice cream and heading to the water front. All along the waters edge theres boats and market stalls and outdoor cafes and musicians. Its truly an incredible place and one that I can tick off the bucket list (as well as the twenty billion other things I managed to tick off while on Euro tour.) After heading back and having dinner and another night of swimming and hanging out at the beach we went to bed to get some rest before our next stop - Verona!
Verona
Verona is such a strange place and not at all what i had in mind! Its a super beautiful city with a huge mix of modern and ancient architecture. One minute you’re walking through an alley of old brick buildings dating back to Shakespeare period and the next you’re in the middle of a street of 21st century shops. We had a tour of Verona in the morning where we went and saw Romeo and Juliet’s house including Juliet’s balcony which was super fascinating. You have to walk through an arch bridge thing to get to the balcony which is re painted every 6 months as lots of people sign their names on the walls and write messages to Juliet which I think is beautiful but some people consider it vandalism. After our free time exploring the city it was late so we headed back to the hotel in Jesolo which was like a 2 hour bus ride. Our last night in Jesolo obviously called for more night time swims and time on the beach.
Triest - Slovenia - Croatia (Zagreb)
After loading the bus again and leaving Jesolo, we headed to Triest! We stopped at this really pretty castle type place on the waters edge that used to once be a castle but now its a museum. We had a look around inside then all bought ice cream and sat outside admiring the view and soaking up the sunshine. Was a super stunning day and our last stop in Italy before we moved on. We had a beautiful drive, crossing the boarder into Slovenia where we had lunch and drove through heaps of stunning scenery. Then we crossed another boarder into Croatia where we would be spending the next 2 nights! Croatia was absolutely amazing! The first night we arrived, my room mates and I came up with the bright idea to do the Ouija board which wasn’t actually a bright idea as we all turned super paranoid after hearing creepy noises and all were to scared to go back into the room.
The next day was amazing! In the morning we all walked to a beautiful church we looked around in for a while (it had another dead body in it!) before we were allowed to do what we wanted for the rest of the day. The weather was super boiling and so the first thing we did was went and bought drinks. Then we spend the morning walking through the city and being typical tourists. In the afternoon we came across this epic escape room place where my friends Hannah, Olivia. Lily, Carly and I all were eager to give it a go! It turned out to be a lot better than I imagined. It was pretty much a game that lasted for an hour and you are given a story line at the start that is related to the city and history of Zagreb but there is a mystery behind the story that you need to solve. You are then locked in a series of rooms and you need to search for clues and solve mysteries in order to escape before the time runs out. This was so much fun that when we came out the woman gave us a discount on the second escape room which we obviously couldn’t refuse and was worth being late to dinner for and so 2 hours of my time in Croatia was spent locked in a room - which was well worth it! :D That night after dinner was the Oldie awards which were super entertaining (thanks Jim and Amaris) but also super sad as it means that the oldies will soon be leaving! We then spent the time after that signing journals and flags.
Slovenia - Vienna
The next morning was sad saying goodbye to our fellow Croatian exchange students we had all become so close with throughout the 2 1/2 weeks we were lucky enough to spend together. Then with 15 spare seats on the bus, we all headed off back home to Austria, stopping in Slovenia for a bit! Arriving in Vienna it was good being back in a German speaking country where we were actually able to speak and understand the language but it was also sad knowing that it was soon all coming to an end. We arrived in our hotel in Vienna and then had the whole afternoon free where a few friends and I caught the train to the other side of the city and ended up at a theme park! This was so so epic and Roni and I went on some insane rollercoasters and a ride that went 90meters up in the air over looking the whole city before plummeting back to earth. After running back to the hotel for dinner because we lost track of time, we were then let loose again afterwards so a whole group of us went back to the theme park at night time which was insane! Best night ever! All of us stayed out till late going on way too may rides and all feeling so dizzy by the time we had to take the train back home. It was worth it.
The next day we spent practicing our performances and songs for the District Conference. It was actually pretty fun all singing and dancing together but after a while it got tiring and I think all anybody wanted to do was sleep.
District conference was a blast! It was held in Baden - about an hour and a bit drive from Vienna. Everyone got dressed up into nice clothes and their blazers and we all hopped on the bus ready to represent our countries in front of the Rotary of Baden. The conference started out as a kind of procession with us all walking in waving our countries flags! I was proud to be representing New Zealand. We then stood on the stage for a solid two hours singing and listening to people talk and at the end we got a huge applause and were taken on a tour around Baden before heading to a nice restaurant for dinner. After dinner the Oldies were presented with their completion certificates which was an emotional time for everyone as we have all become so close and its so sad knowing that they are going to leave soon.
The next day was even worse, everyone filled with tears and sadness as we all said goodbye to each other - some of us for the last time - and headed to the train station together. My train was one of the last ones to leave so about a group of 12 of us were all there until mid afternoon chilling in the train station all crying and sleeping and listening to music and going for Mcdonalds runs. The train ride home was sad, each stop dropping off someone else until there were only about 5 of us left and it was my turn to get off the train and head home with Ale and Pedro. It was a sad time saying goodbye to euro tour and everyone else.
I found that probably the hardest part of my exchange so far. And it will probably remain the hardest part of my exchange until the time comes when I have to leave this country myself and say goodbye to this year for good. Words cant describe the emotions I’ve gone through within the last few weeks, all the happiness and joy to all the bad things as well. I fully believe this has changed me as a person and taught me to appreciate every little tiny thing in life as every moment is like gold. Never in my life have I felt time going so fast, not just on Euro tour but my whole exchange. Its coming up 5 months since I left my home for this crazy adventure and yet it still feels like just yesterday I arrived. Its insane how close you can become with a group of people in such little time and how quickly strangers have become a family to me. I know this sounds really cheesy but its honestly such an insane thing to go through and if you’re an exchange student you’ll understand what I’m going on about. Saying goodbye is always going to be hard. Leaving my family and friends back home was hard but its even worse saying goodbye to a group of people you know you may never see again - especially all together in the same place. Ive shared such a huge and amazing part of my life with all the exchange students of Austria, Croatia and Bosnia 2017 and they will forever be in my heart and memories for the rest of my life! I’ve learned so much from this exchange so far, about the world and about myself, and I will continue on this adventure of a life time. I am so grateful for everything I have around me and I look forward to the future and all the great times ahead but I’ll never ever forget the past and all the incredible things I’ve been through.
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My Plan for 2017: A Commitment to Fitness
For years, I lived my life with one solid focus: to travel the world as much as possible and build my career as a travel blogger. And it was good. Lord, was it good.
But over time, I learned that being singularly focused means that everything else in your life suffers to a degree. Relationships. Other interests. And most importantly, health. Case in point: almost every travel blogger who has given up full-time travel has cited health as a reason.
When I finally felt the travel desire waning, it was a blessing. For the first time, I felt the freedom to create a fixed life in New York. Now that I’ve been managing that for a year, it’s time to turn my efforts toward improving my health.
The Background
I grew up very thin, put on weight throughout my twenties, then lost 20+ pounds in 2010, just in time for me to start my travels in Southeast Asia. How? I basically starved myself. It wasn’t healthy.
You can see in the pics from back then that I was super thin but had no muscle tone. I was the epitome of skinny fat.
After Southeast Asia, the weight packed back on. And while I would lose a few pounds here and there, I was never able to commit to anything. Yoga? BORED. YouTube workouts? MAYBE FOR A FEW WEEKS. Paid video workouts? DIDN’T LAST. Running? HURT MYSELF AND STOPPED. Walking a ton? NOT ENOUGH CARDIO.
And so I found nothing that worked. As a result, my weight stayed the same. And I am so fucking sick and tired.
I’m tired of contorting myself into the skinniest position possible while posing for photos.
I’m tired of traveling with gorgeous friends with hot bodies and feeling like the resident lump.
I’m tired of hiding on beaches behind sarongs and caftans.
I’m tired of traveling with brilliant photographer friends and ending up photos of a fat girl I don’t recognize.
For five and a half years I’ve been looking at photos of myself and thinking, “That’s not me.”
So I’m finally taking action. In a big way. Here is how I am going to change my life with fitness.
Exercise Goals:
Join Equinox.
Yes, I drank the #committosomething Kool-Aid. There was a promotion in December where there was no initiation fee for joining Equinox (usually $300-500), so that was the incentive that brought me in.
(Note: this January you can still join Equinox with no initiation fee if you work out 12 times in your first 30 days! Tell them Kate McCulley recommended you.)
I held off because I wanted to join a gym like Healthworks Back Bay, where I went in Boston. Healthworks is a luxurious all-female gym and I went all the time because I loved the atmosphere. And there actually isn’t an equivalent in New York. I went back and forth — did I really want to work out with boys who used all the heavy weights and made me feel inadequate?
Turns out a coed gym wasn’t the problem. My core issue was that I didn’t want to feel intimidated. And I lucked out — I go to the Equinox on West 92nd St., which is in a residential zone and thus reflects the locals: there are a lot of older people. Classes tend to be young and nearly all female, but usually at least two thirds of the floor is filled with people in their fifties and older. The kind of people who say, “Why, thank you, young lady!” when I hold a door for them (so sweet). And because of that, I don’t feel intimidated at all!
For what it’s worth, not every Equinox is like that. I’ve heard the downtown locations have a hotter crowd and the SoHo location in particular is popular with models.
And to acknowledge the elephant in the room — yes, it’s an expensive gym. I wish it weren’t. But for someone like me who has tried and failed so many different fitness plans over the years and has only succeeded staying in shape when she has a fancy gym to go to? GIVE ME THE FANCY PLACE WITH THE COOL CLASSES. All day. I need that as motivation. And their app. God, Equinox has an awesome app.
Honestly, if I joined Planet Fitness or even NYSC, I wouldn’t be motivated to go. Equinox is super nice and fancy and I love going there. Spending that money is worth it because it’s keeping me in shape.
Get a personal trainer.
I didn’t see this on the horizon, but surprise — I have a trainer now! Equinox matched me with Gayle, a trainer who met the criteria I asked for (female, not a drill sergeant type, wouldn’t mind my sporadic travel schedule) and I see her twice a week for strength training.
I went into the gym as a fitness newbie — I have no clue how to work out on the machines or what my form should be or how hard to push myself or how to design a circuit. Even when I went to Healthworks in Boston, I avoided the machines because I didn’t know how to use them. This way, Gayle is helping me go from an unshaped ball of clay to a very fit human being with a routine customized to all my personal strengths and weaknesses.
Try 20 classes at Equinox before the end of the year.
I am a class junkie — I love group fitness, especially fast-moving dance-y classes, and it’s one of the best ways to motivate me to go to the gym. Equinox is known for its excellent classes and instructors. I’m already impressed at what the difference can be between an average Zumba instructor and a great Zumba instructor.
I *could* take 20 different classes at my gym on 92nd St., but that would mean taking virtually every class they offer, so I may look into expanding into a global membership, letting me check out other clubs and classes.
Get up the nerve to take a spin class.
The idea of spinning, or indoor cycling, has always terrified me, especially after hearing accounts of intimidating instructors from friends. It seems like everyone yells at you, and I don’t feel strong enough to join in yet!
I will get up the nerve, and I will do it. Maybe in a month or so.
Figure out how to keep up exercise while traveling.
This is the one that stumps me the most. Everything I’ve tried while traveling has not worked long-term. I think my best solution may be trying to find Zumba classes when traveling in the US or major cities.
Lose 25 pounds by Memorial Day.
Memorial Day is the last weekend in May and the unofficial kickoff to the summer, non-American readers. And I think losing 25 pounds a week, which works out to just a little over a pound per week, is a very reasonable goal.
My body assessment calculated that my optimal goal should be to lose 33 pounds of fat and add 11 pounds of muscle. So losing 25 pounds will get me to a good, bikini-worthy weight, but I think I can lose another 5-10 pounds beyond that.
Get sexy, defined clavicles again.
I want my clavicles to be sharper than a serpent’s tooth.
Diet Goals:
Aim to eat paleo 80% of the time.
I’ve always thought the paleo diet made the most sense — lots of vegetables with meat, fish, eggs, nuts, and seeds, while avoiding processed foods, sugar, dairy, and grains. It sounded so healthy — I just didn’t want to commit to it.
Then I promised my trainer I would give up sugar and carbs (not all carbs, just bread and pasta and rice). And then I dropped dairy as well and didn’t miss it. I guess this is what I’m doing now.
Doing it 80% is a smart choice because it keeps me from being miserable and it makes socializing easier. I went out for Vietnamese food at Anchoi on the Lower East Side and enjoyed pho and summer rolls with rice noodles and rice paper, and didn’t care. I had a little shaved parmesan on a kale caesar salad at Sweetgreen and loved it, too.
I’m not going to splurge aimlessly — I’m going to save them up for really good reasons. Like a Salty Pimp at Big Gay Ice Cream in the Village or the fettuccine al’amatriciana at Emilio’s Ballato in SoHo.
Commit to cooking paleo at home.
I love to cook. And there are so many great paleo recipes on the internet! I’ve been experimenting and having a great time. I made a grass-fed beef chili so good that I nearly cried. And my new favorite things are date-almond-coconut bars made with nothing but those three ingredients.
In the process, I’ve also started shopping at the Trader Joe’s on 72nd St. more often, rather than relying on the subpar markets in my neighborhood. Not only is Trader Joe’s shockingly cheap (like, cheaper than Amazon cheap), they also have a nice selection of organic options and cool store products. (The only thing? The checkout line stretches for AGES, even on a random Tuesday afternoon.)
Make smarter choices about alcohol.
I’m still doing a sober month once a year (though I didn’t write about it in 2016), which I recommend to everyone. It’s good to give your body a break and remind yourself how to socialize without booze. It made my skin clear up so much, too.
I’m not giving up alcohol entirely, but I’m making smarter choices about what I drink. I don’t drink at home to begin with, and when I go out, I choose wine (usually red or champagne) or spirits, ideally low-cal vodka sodas with (a lot of) lime.
And if I get a cocktail, I try to get a relatively clean cocktail. At Attaboy on the Lower East Side (amazing speakeasy and one of the best cocktail bars I’ve ever been to), the bartender made me a Bee Sting: gin, lemon, honey, ginger. At Red Rooster, the restaurant that literally made me want to move to Harlem, I got an Earl of Harlem: bourbon with Earl Grey tea and lemon.
Off the menu are beer, sugary cocktails, and anything involving soda or high-cal mixers like tonic.
Make smarter choices about caffeine.
I’ve become a latte-a-day girl, and as much as I love them, they’re not the smartest choice. They add a lot of calories and the dairy isn’t great for you. Plus, I don’t mind drinking (good) coffee black!
When I go out to cafes now, whether to work or for a pick-me-up, I restrict myself to either black coffee or herbal tea. No sugar, ever, but I didn’t use sugar anyway.
I’ve also been experimenting with bulletproof coffee: a cup of coffee with a tablespoon of organic unsalted grass-fed butter and a tablespoon of organic coconut oil. I only do it pre-workout, but it makes me feel like I have rocket fuel in my veins.
Make smarter choices about animal products.
This year I’m going to make a bigger commitment to cooking only with organic, free-range, antibiotic-free eggs and poultry, grass-fed beef, and wild-caught fish. These kinds of animal products are so much healthier for you than the conventional options.
Unfortunately, meat this good comes at a price — it’s very expensive. I’ll try to get what I can for cheap at Trader Joe’s, but they don’t have everything. I plan on making lots of visits to Harlem Shambles, one of the best butcher shops in the city.
Mental Health Goals:
Meditate more often.
I pay for the Headspace app but don’t use it nearly enough. It’s funny how I can while away ten minutes on Facebook without noticing but ten minutes of meditation makes me think, “Do I really have time for that?” Hell yes, Kate, you have time for that!
The truth? Meditation always helps me relax, focus, and feel more in control. Sometimes it even cures my headaches! There’s really no reason not to do it. I’d like to do it a few times a week.
Let go of the body baggage.
I grew up in a thin family. I graduated from high school at 5’4″ and 109 pounds and didn’t start putting on weight until later in college, then kept adding more and more in my twenties and thirties.
My family members are wonderful, smart, funny people. But nobody’s perfect, and looking back, I realize that when I was growing up, we were not as kind and accepting of overweight people as we should have been. It never lapsed into mocking or cruelty, but there were constant negative comments when talking about people heavier than we were.
Two examples of that? I remember when I was in a play and one 15-year-old girl had to do a move where she flung her arms outward. I noticed nothing unusual about it, but I remember my mom saying, “If I had a daughter whose arms jiggled like that, I’d have her on a workout plan so fast.” (And because I know a lot of people from home read this blog — she wasn’t talking about someone from Reading. This was at summer camp.)
And I remember once at church when a family of three came in. Both of the parents were obese and each used two canes to walk. Their son, probably around 12 at the time, was overweight. “That kid is doomed,” I remember my dad saying as soon as we were home.
It was during college when I realized that making negative comments about overweight people was neither kind nor common. I spent a few years rewiring my brain and trying to become a better person.
So, what’s it like to grow up thin in a family where thinness is prized but you end up heavy? It’s been rough. I’ve felt like an embarrassment to my family for many years now, especially after being a heavy bridesmaid in two weddings. My weight is frequently a topic whenever I’m home, but it’s more along the lines of, “So what are you doing to work out now?” They’re not mean about it, but it’s tough to know that they would hold a better opinion of me if I lost it.
I need to keep working through that.
Use the SELF Journal for fitness goals.
I supported the SELF Journal on Kickstarter and got one of my own but haven’t even started using it yet! Talk about the height of laziness.
It’s part day planner, part bullet journal. It helps you set your daily and weekly goals and lay out the steps you’ll take to get there.
I particularly like that it has sections for daily gratitudes, both in the morning and the night.
Make peace with the fact that I’m going to lose my boobs.
Because, really, they’re exceptional. And I don’t say that lightly.
Get up early — perhaps a monthly challenge of getting up early.
I got this idea from Lauren of Neverending Footsteps — she wants to spend a month waking up early, like at 4:00 or 5:00 AM.
I love getting up early, but I rarely do it — I feel like I’m wired to do my best work at night, especially when it comes to writing, and it’s not unusual for me to be putting the finishing touches on a blog post at 2:00 or 3:00 AM. Even though I don’t want to.
So perhaps I should make a concentrated effort to get up at 5:00 AM for a month and see how it goes. That would be easy to take on the road, too!
Put phone on airplane mode long before bed until long after you’re up.
C’est Christine recently posted about doing this and I’m a big fan — it’s nice to know there are no distractions when you’re trying to get to bed. And this way, my eyelids start fluttering while I’m still reading and I fall asleep immediately.
It also helps me get up in the morning and get things done before getting sucked into social media.
So, how’s it going so far?
Well, we’re 17 days into the New Year, so I’m well aware that I’m in the “This is awesome!” stage of things and keeping it up will get more challenging.
So far, though, I feel amazing. I don’t know whether it’s the workouts or the diet, but I feel so focused and aware and light and I have an easier time getting work done. My skin is soft, too.
And the big one: I’ve lost five pounds in two weeks and my jeans are loose in the butt region. Five pounds is a lot of weight to lose that fast, but it’s common to lose fast at first, and I’m certain the weight loss will soon taper down to a more-reasonable one pound per week.
I plan on doing little fitness updates in my monthly recaps and a bigger post around Memorial Day or once I hit a major milestone.
But what I really, truly hope is that this is the beginning of a major lifestyle change for me. I’ve waited long enough.
What fitness goals do you have for 2017? What has worked for you? Share away!
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