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#first time in english too
maofi · 1 year
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This is inspired by a scene in the hunchback of the Notre Dame, during the song called “Hellfire”
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rattusn0rvegicus · 10 months
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Man I feel like a lot of leftist activists would do a lot better to just use common fucking language to talk about things rather than dense academic shit that's only understandable to people with PhDs and people who spend 95% of their waking life on Leftist Twitter lmao
Like, you're talking with other academics? Great, use academic language. You're a social media account trying to interact with the general public? Don't say "decarcerate", say "find alternatives to imprisonment". Don't say "collective liberation", say "freedom for all". By GOD don't say "bodymind autonomy", say "the ability to have control over our own minds and bodies".
Yes it takes a little more effort to explain shit in common language but I promise you people will stop looking at you like you have two heads and dismissing everything you say as Woke Bullshit if you like, actually get on their level, goddamn it. Not everyone has the privilege to have a graduate-school level understanding of this type of language or spend so much time reading leftist theory that they can perfectly understand this stuff.
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chemblrish · 1 month
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20 April 2024
It's raining outside and I'm lying in bed sipping coffee and reading after studying for a couple of hours <333
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backfromtwitterforw · 5 months
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Pomme's diary found in the place she was with Richas (30 first pages)
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Day 117
We walked for so long, longer than a day.
Chayanne thinks we'll be safe if we're far enough. I doubt that, because no matter what threatened us manage to find my secured bunker 200 000 blocks away, and even succeded to get into my room to put its letter. Honestly, I think we'll never be really safe anywhere.
Chayanne was panicking so much that we didn't even have time to prepare stuff before leaving. I tried to talk him out ot it, but they were all already gone and I couldn't leave them alone.
At least, I had the reflex to take one of my scythe. And fortunately so.
During our journey, I had to fight a lot of monsters. It's a miracle we all survived without armor or anything else.
We weren't far from death on multiple occasions.
I'll protect them no matter what.
That's a promise.
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Day 118
We could build a little improvised camp. We're exhausted from the walk we had, we don"t have alot but it's better than nothing. The most important for now is to survive.
Dapper made a small makeshift field and planted seeds and potatoeshe had collected along the way, while we prepared tools and cut wood.
Tallulah played the flute to try to confort us and give us courage. She even leanred one of my favorite songs on the flute to try to make me smile again.
We make progress, slowly but surely.
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Day 119
I think each one of us has tools now. We continued to gather ressources, especially trying to find enough food for everyone, because Dapper's field is not enough. But we didn't have great success, we have to be comptent with the bare minimum. We'll try to build a small shelter tomorrow.
It's hard to do anything because we are all exhausted from the trip. We found materiel to make sleeping bags, so they will finally be able to rest in better conditions.
I'll try to stand guard and watch over them during the night.
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Day 120
We were able to start the construction of a small makeshift shelter. It doesn't look great but at least we have something to be protected now.
Truth be told, I haven't slept in a few days, I cannot allow myself to sleep.
We could be attacked at any time, by monsters or by the thing that threatened us. I'm scared it may trace our steps.
On multiple occasions, Chayanne asked me on multiple occasions to share the watch during the night, but I refused systematically.
I'd rather let him rest, and watch over Tallulah during the day. He's the one she trusts the most, he needs to be there to for her, and to protect her.
But I feel the tiredness winning over me.
I fight against exhaution as hard as I can, but I can see my reaction time and my moves becoming slower.
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Day 121
The shelter is almost done, I'm so proud of them. They never let themselves be overwhelmed by fear and they do their maximum for everyone to be safe. We watch over one antother and that warms my heart to see it.
On the other side, food is continuously missing.
It soon gonna become a huge problem if we don't find a solution, we won't be able to hold much longer with the ressources we actually have...
I believe it's been a week I haven't slept, I'm trying to stay awake with always being busy. As soon as I am not, I feel my eyes closing by themselves.
It's especially difficult during the night. I spend them looking at the campfire crackling and making sure it doesn't extinguish by itself. We found material to make a lighter, so I play with it to pass the time: I found out the burning feeling is particularly effective to wake me up.
I miss my parents. I miss them excruciatingly.
It's so hard that they're not here with us. I regret all the time that we couldn't leave any note, any letter. They must be terribly worried for us, i feel terribly guilty...
I hope they won't resent us...
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Day 122
Dapper amost died.
Dapper.
Almost.
Died.
We were talking about the pending lack of food, and he suggested we could explore the surroundings to find something to eat. I know exploring is something he adores, and he knows better than anyone the different kinds of existing ressources, so I also thought it was a good idea.
I suggested to come with him, but i assured me I didn't have to worry about him, that it wouldn't take him long to come back, and that it would be better for me to stay with the others to watch over them. So, I accepted. I trusted him.
But he went to fight against a skeleton. Or at least, what looked like a normal skeleton, but it wasn't one; this one had an armor and was able to shoot arrows at an abnormal speed, in addition to having knockback.
He thought it was a normal skeleton and attacked. But the skeleton was stronger and knocked him off.
I ran.
I ran so fast, every second mattered.
He cannot die, not like this, not now.
If he dies, I'll never forgive myself.
I managed to find him, and I could finish the skeleton off.
I ran to him to save him, just in time.
With tears in my eyes, I asked if he was ok and why he wanted to attack that monster way to strong for us even though we have no armor and barely any defense.
He just answered that he wanted bones to make bonemill, to speed up the growth of the seeds in the field. And also because he wanted to make a bone mask for Chayanne, since he didn't have his fetish skull.
He was so nonchalant in explaining it all, as if he didn't care about being do close to death.
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boleynecklace · 16 days
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anne boleyn week (day seven): free day
here are some photos i took during my visit to hever castle!
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domi091 · 4 months
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The Struggle of Parting Ways
Tails knew Sonic never cried, it just wasn't him, even if Tails had the chance to witness him tearing up once or twice in his short life, but never cried, his eyes shined sometimes, with emotions more than tears, but they never spell, they well up his eyes and steadily stay there until he blinks them away or they dry of sheer will and stubbornness, that was just his brother, that's how he handled his feelings.
Sonic never cries, and he didn't cry when they sat in silence on the floor in Tails's room, packing up the yellow bag that used to carry their whole life and everything to Sonic's name before they settled in the workshop, tails wasn't going to take it at first, he wanted to grow, he wanted to be his own person, he was taking the cyclone instead of the tornado, he wanted to feel like himself and grow into his full potential without any influence, even Sonic's, especially Sonic's
But the rational part of his brain told him that if anything was going to hold him back it certainly wouldn't be their bag, a piece of worn-out fabric, holding more memories than any other item they have now,
and maybe, just maybe a tiny part of his brain wanted it, wanted to have something of theirs, of sonics, to keep with him for reassurance, it was a childish part, a traitorous one, but his fight over it was weak.
When Sonic showed up at his door holding the bag in his hand and offering to help him pack up before his trip, tails couldn't say no, sonic smiled at him, one of his signature grins almost too natural for the situation,
He didn't cry when he stood in the hangar with a less wide smile but a smile nonetheless still planted in his face, quietly watching tails do the last of many checks on the cyclone and putting away all the things he needed.
There weren't many words to be said, they already had that talk, and soon, the quietness became too much to bear. He was too familiar with Sonic's behavior by now, and could always sense the unsaid words that Sonic struggled to voice or refused to say out loud. However, this time, he felt the weight of the unspoken words in the air around them, and for the first time in a while, he couldn't fill the gaps. He could feel Sonic's gaze on him, and he tried his best not to fidget under the intense scrutiny. When he finally mustered the courage to look up at him again, he found Sonic's arms open and his expression soft. too soft tails almost looked away, He hesitated for a few seconds but soon gave in when Sonic gestured for him to come closer.
Sonic didn't cry as he pulled Tails into the hug, not even when his arms tightened around him too much it was almost painful. He cradled the back of Tails' head with his palm, just like he used to do years ago. sonic remained silent as Tails buried his wet nose in his shoulder and cried, despite his best efforts.
He didn't cry sending him off, tails turned on the engine and nodded when Sonic gave him a thumbs up after checking the way in front of him, all clear.
Tails soared into the sky, he blamed the tears welling up in his eyes on the crisp morning air hitting his face too fast, the fact that his eyes got used to it long ago to tear up went ignored, and the fact that he was wearing his goggles completely forgotten, tails didn't want to look back, not now, not at the start of his own journey, not when he probably looked miserable and childish right now, not when that was exactly what he was trying to grow out of, but he couldn't fight the strong feeling that washed over him, forming a lump in his throat, a tiny voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like his younger self, told him that one last look at his brother won't hurt, one last glance for the road, for good luck, for extra comfort, for the cold nights, he turned.
And he saw him, still standing at the hanger door almost too far to see but Tail's trained eyes didn't miss the small shake in his shoulders, sonic was covering his eyes with his palm and his face was looking down, whether Sonic thought tails was too far away to see him anymore or if he just couldn't hold it any longer tails didn't know, but it was too much to witness.
so he looked back ahead trying and failing to swallow the lump away, he pretended that he didn't see anything and that his eyes were clear and not too blurry to see through, years of practice and the way ahead of him memorized like the back of his paw was the only thing keeping the plane airborne.
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akq96618 · 4 months
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somewhere in ep 28
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jfpstarchaser · 1 year
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James' in a hurry, running the corridors of the castle without much attention. He's terribly late to his class with McGonagall. His breathing is already a bit labored, he's been running quite a bit, the place he was and his class are on completely opposite sides of the castle.
And James forgot all about when he went there, but fuck if he's not remembering next time.
He bursts through the classroom's door, his wand thrown hastily somewhere in his backpack, alongside his books. His glasses are a little bit crooked from all the running, he sets them right and looks up to Minnie's stern gaze. He throws at her a little, sheepish grin. And her gaze softens just a little.
"I'm really sorry, Professor!" He says, and remembers the rest of his clothes, they're messy just like his hair. He tries to fix his tie, while putting his things on his seat next to Sirius. Sirius, who's looking at him like he's grown a second head, but amused all the same. It makes James frown a little, confused. Then, he hears Minnie's voice again, in the dead silent classroom:
"Mr. Potter, I was not aware of your resort into another House." She says, and looks pointedly to his tie, and James looks down with her. And— oh. It's a green tie. Slytherin tie. He can feel his face heating up the more she looks. He bites his lips and hears his classmates laugh a little, sees Sirius at his side laughing too, and he already knows he will never live it down.
"I—" James starts, but never finishes. There's another commotion on the classroom door he just came through, he looks up and it's him.
Regulus. He and his friends are standing at the door, James' red, Gryffindor's tie clutched tight in his hands. His face is also red, just like James' and his tie, and his beautiful curly hair is a mess. James can also see Barty, Evan, Pandora and Dorcas behind him. They're laughing just like everyone, and Evan gives Regulus a little push that makes him completely enter the room. He gets even more red.
"Excuse me, Professor. I came to get my— my tie." He stutters a little, and says it in a small voice. He's looking everywhere but James and Minnie. Regulus' blushing is already spreading down his pale neck, and James can't take his eyes off him. He's so bloody pretty, James thinks. There's a love bite escaping the collar of his uniform shirt, his top buttons still undone from where James' hands and mouth passed through earlier.
"May as well, Mr. Black. And make sure this will not happen again." Minnie says, waving her wand hand in James' direction. James, who hasn't moved since he saw Regulus again. He bites his bottom lip again, waiting as if rooted in his place for Regulus to come to him. And he does.
He brings his hands to James' tie— no, his tie—, and slides it off James' neck, and looks at him in the eyes, then. And he fixes James' shirt, smooths it down, buttons it up, and wraps James' tie on him correctly, instead of just throwing the red tie back to James, like he could've done. But no. He did it with the same care he does everything when it comes to James, like he needs to be careful or he'll ruin them. He already has, James thinks. Regulus does it naturally, quickly, presses his lips into a flat line and then he looks away. Oh. He seems to have done it unconsciously, James realizes.
James' blushes harder, if that's possible.
Then, Regulus takes a step back. Clears his throat, and looks at the Minnie, red like a strawberry, he bows politely.
"I apologize for interrupting your lesson, Professor. And yes, I shall make sure it won't happen again." He says in his posh, polite way. Even if he's embarrassed, he's still the most polite and composed boy he always is. And, Merlin, James loves him so much. Regulus wets his lips, looks up, clears his throat again and looks at James, eyes full of mischief. "We shall make sure it won't happen again, shall we not, James?"
Damn him. Only calling James his first name in public in a situation like this. It steals James' breath away. No, Regulus does. He wants everything from James, and James hands it over willingly.
"I— Yeah. Yeah, love. Whatever you say." James says back, still feeling inebriated by this boy. James' absolutely weak for the way his name rolls out of Regulus' bitten red lips. It's absolutely happening again. All of it. He just knows. And Regulus does, too. He smirks at James, even if his blush, that was going away, comes back brighter, acts like it's nothing, and looks away from James again.
James sighs. He wants him so much. All of him.
"Then, please excuse us, Professor. I'll be on the way to my own class. Apologies again." Regulus says, all polite again to Minnie, who nods at him, and then he's going for the door. He doesn't say anything else, even if he swats his hands at his laughing friends, who were waiting for him outside the classroom. He glances back to James once, and closes the door. James sighs again, quietly.
He's still looking at the door when he's startled by a voice that he knows all too well, coming from beside him.
"This is the most put-together your uniform has been all year, Prongs. Enjoying my little brother doing your tie now, are we?" Sirius drawls, very much like his brother likes to do and glares at James.
Fuck. Fuck.
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parlapina · 4 months
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Ok, so, i rewatched ouat (yes, again.) And came to the conclusion that a spin-off about Neverland would have been more "useful" than the Wonderland's one, and i'm not saying this cause i think that the Neverland arc was better, I do but that's not the point but because I think that there are so many things that were left undone or without a good explanation.
These are some:
• tinkerbell
Apart from the fact that she disappeared after a while, one thing that i never understood was her "relationship" i don't wanna to call it like that but ok with Peter Pan; Is told that Peter Pan trusts her but we never see them interact and we are not even told how she gained such trust.
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• Felix knew about Rumple
we know that Felix knew that Rumple was Pan's son, this mean that he also knew about Malcolm? Right? Right. So my questions are: why did they never talked about it before? Why did Pan told Felix about Rumple? What would he gain by having Felix knowing about his son?
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• rumple know Felix (?)
Even if Felix knew Rumple thanks to Peter Pan, why Rumple seem to know him? The last time he saw his father he didn't knew anything about the Lost Boys (not the ones that are on Neverland in that moment), what has changed since then?
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• Rufio
In this episode while hook and Felix are fighting there is a reference to the movie "Hook" (1991), so there's not much to say, except that there is, like- why would you put a line like that only for ignore it and not telling us anything about how did it happen in the ouat universe.
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• why isn't Felix dancing?
Why isn't Felix dancing when Pan is playing the pipes? They attract everyone who feels unloved, does this mean that Felix feels loved? Probably yes, since that he say that Neverland is the only home that he needs, but this still don't really make sense.
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• the Lost Boys that were left on Neverland
In season 6 we see the Lost Boys what were left on Neverland but these scenes are truly disconnected from the Neverland arc that we see in season 3, first cause is not realistic at all that they were left there (there's no way Snow and Emma would ever let them), but even if they did it makes no sense if you think about Felix, surely he would have wanted to be left in Neverland if there had been a chance. "But it's for the plot!" I don't care.
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wavesoutbeingtossed · 4 months
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Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)
I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.
I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.
(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)
In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.
Battle (let’s go)
For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.
And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.
(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)
To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.
Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️
(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)
If one thing had been different
Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?
(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)
(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)
There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.
(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)
To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)
(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)
Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.
Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)
Death by a thousand cuts
She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.
(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)
Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.
(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)
In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.
Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.
Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)
From the same little breaks in your soul
I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.
Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)
This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️
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thisloveislikeabattle · 8 months
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SandRay is just AkkAyan spelled differently
I've lost count of the number of rewatches I've done of The Eclipse since watching it six months ago for the very first time, but once Only Friends started airing I haven't done any rewatch, just because all my thoughts these past weeks have been obsessively about Sand and Ray
BUT yesterday I found myself watching it again after months and when I got to episode 11 it hit me: SandRay's dynamic when it comes to taking care of each other is the same as AkkAyan's but backwards.
Let me explain, I was watching this specific scene
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And this thought came into my mind: "If in The Eclipse it's Khaotung's character that takes care of First's character, especially when it comes to emotional needs, in Only Friends it's actually the opposite with First's character taking care of Khaotung's character"
Since then I haven't been able to stop noticing all the ways Ayan and Sand mirror each other when caring for their partners
Ayan looked at Akk, and saw something extraordinary. He saw this beautiful broken boy, who was hurting so much and doing it all wrong, he saw him holding on to a very thin thread just on the verge of letting go. Ayan saw all the love Akk needed, and despite being very broken himself, he never ever let go of him.
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Akk did bad things and said awful stuff and pushed Aye away time and time again, and still Aye stayed right were he was and held him up every time Akk hit the ground.
Showed him how despite all his flaws, all his mistakes, he was still someone worthy of love.
And so throughout their journey Ayan gave his heart and soul, took all the love he could muster and stood firm by Akk's side, no matter what.
Ayan made no excuses for Akk's behavior, held him accountable, called him out when he was doing something wrong and at the same time offered Akk all the support he needed to get out of that bad place because he knew how necessary it was to have a support system.
And isn't that exactly what Sand has been doing with Ray ever since he first saw him, left alone, drunk as hell, getting into his car without any concern for his life?
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Just like Ayan, Sand has found this special fragile boy who needs lots and lots of love. And where Akk wanted acceptance and to be good for others, Ray only wants to be loved and to be someone's priority for once in his life.
Even the little things Sand does for Ray. And yes, we joke about Ray being Sand's spoiled princess, but before Sand came into Ray's life, did anyone ever treat him with this much care and affection? No.
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Lighting up his cigarettes, cooking for him, helping him with his helmet, driving him around, changing his dirty clothes when Ray is too passed out to care, going after him no matter what Ray said or did, shaving him...
Yes, Sand is a natural caregiver and perhaps acts of service are his love language, but to me the point is that Sand is able to see the full potential Ray could reach.
Sand knows how precious he truly is; with patience and love and care, with someone by his side ready to fight the battle with him, someone who will not give up on him, Ray may one day be able to blossom into this wonderful person that he is capable of being.
Until that moment comes, Sand will be there for him like no one ever has before. Because Sand looks at Ray and sees someone worth fighting for, someone worthy of love.
And yes, I am aware that Ayan and Sand are very different characters, they are at different points and have different expectations when it comes to relationships.
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Even the way they handle things when it comes to love is different: Ayan is very much open and ready and unafraid to communicate what he wants from Akk, while Sand is emotionally constipated, with his walls all up, still falling hard but refusing to admit it even to himself.
Yet the way Ayan and Sand care for their loved ones appears to me as the very same.
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blinkpen · 6 months
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found another old one i never posted enjoy
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Video
Show: LEGO Monkie Kid
Song: Seven Nation Army (Glitch Mob Remix)
link to watch on youtube
This is four minutes long my condolences
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svtskneecaps · 4 months
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i should be sleeping but i do want to reiterate how much i love that our collective fan community and also the streamers are constantly like, so new members when? new language when? a teaser drops and we're all like germans???? german time????? asiatic language time??????? new faces??? new friends?? new communities????
i've said this before but it just constantly makes me feel all warm n fuzzy to see it. i'm really happy we're all so excited and united in this.
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#this was also why purg2 was great for me specifically#like goddamn was that such a chance for me (and others) to meet streamers in an accessible setting#i only really speak english and half french so this was the first time i actually got to watch any aldo and understand more than every like#tenth word out of his mouth lmfao i get SO LOST#also was extremely fun bc goddamn for a while i rly thought i just Did Not Understand French#bc hearing the qsmp french speakers i'm like. damn. i'm lost. i get lost after like a sentence or two idk i'm so bad at understanding them#but dude holy shit i had kenny on while i did work fully like 5 ft from my phone and i was FOLLOWING#I WAS KEEPING UP???? LIKE THAT WAS INSANE so shoutout kenny for speaking french i can understand i rly appreciate the confidence boost#anyway i hope hope hope to see new members soon yesyes#be it purg2 returners (i have my wishlist but the wishlist does have Everyone soooo i win) or a new language!!! OR MULTIPLE 🙏 WOULD BE NEAT#i have said before that i think it would be fun if they drop two+ languages in at the same time#have the new languages work together to do puzzles and get used to the translations before dropping the full force of like#20-30 odd streamers who are unbelievably loud and extremely excited to meet them#would mayyyybe mitigate some of the french arrival where everyone DESCENDED on them and it was SO LOUD lmfao#anyway i will now sleep it just makes me happy to see everytime i see it#i'm excited to meet (hypothetical) everyone too <3
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exaltior-a · 6 months
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Having to physically and mentally restrain myself from going insane when someone says they don't like dirkjake because JAKE was mean to Dirk. THEIR RELATIONSHIP FAILED BECAUSE THEY BOTH WERE FUCKED UP.
Acting like Dirk was 100% a victim of Jake in their relationship is abysmal reading comprehension. They both fucked up. Do you hear me. It was both of their faults. Jake's got the very on brand "if I ignore my problems they'll go away" and therefore he failed to communicate to Dirk that he wanted more alone time, all while complaining to Jane all the time. Dirk was desperate for a relationship with Jake, and pushed for them to be into a relationship that they both were not ready for because he was and is incredibly lonely. Idk idk acting like Jake is more at fault or completely at fault for their breakup is kind of silly.
They're 16 year old, maladjusted, lonely children who had to raise themselves and developed vastly different ways to cope with that loneliness. They love each other but lack the skills to express it in a healthy way, both putting up a facade in fear that the friends they love so much will no longer want them if they showed their true selves, because they're messy and raw and care too much
Dirk thinks he's a monster who has to hold himself back otherwise hes bound to hurt people that he loves, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy- he hurts someone and takes it as confirmation that he's evil, while Jake is terrified of disappointing people to the point that he refuses to acknowledge when there are problems in fear of being blamed, not wanting to bare responsibility for /anything/ both good and bad in case people expect too much of him and dislike him when he fails to measure up. This is bound to go wrong since neither of them can actually effectively communicate their needs.
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seepingfrommyskin · 4 days
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Celes
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+Closeups as always
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